Steve Bannon, who is a strong and proud and tough man now that he’s free from the shackles of the cucks in the Trump White House and back in the sweaty, pock-marked arms of his native Breitbart, has some thoughts to share. He said them on Sunday’s “60 Minutes,” which, since the rest of the developed world was glued to Hurricane Irma coverage and trying to make sure their Floridian loved ones were safe, we are sure was viewed by many.
Lucky for all of us who missed it, CBS put a video and a transcript online, so we can skim the transcript for some crazy shit, and still not watch the video.
Here are some crazy moments!
The Republican establishment is trying to nullify the 2016 election. That’s a brutal fact we have to face.
It’s just brutal how establishment Republicans keep impeaching Donald Trump and then reinstalling him as president, just so they can impeach him again. Oh, Mitch McConnell, you troublemaker! (No really, he cites Mitch McConnell. And Paul Ryan.)
But everything went wrong because …
In the 48 hours after we won, there’s a fundamental decision that was made. You might call it the original sin of the administration. We embraced the establishment. I mean, we totally embraced the establishment.
It’s weird how Steve Bannon got a “60 Minutes” interview, right? Do we usually give interviews like that to dudes who just returned to their high school jobs because they failed in Big Boy World?
Here’s a fun exchange between Bannon and host Charlie Rose. Bannon gave Rose the “Jane, You Ignorant Slut” treatment because Rose said immigration made America great. How dare he suggest all the white people came from somewhere else just a few generations ago? PSHAW.
CHARLIE ROSE: America was, in the eyes of so many people, and it’s what people respect America for, it is people have been able to come here, find a place, contribute to the economy. That’s what immigration has been in America. And you seem to want to turn it around and stop it.
STEVE BANNON: You couldn’t be more dead wrong. America was built on her citizens.
CHARLIE ROSE: We’re all immigrants.
STEVE BANNON: America was built on her–
CHARLIE ROSE: Except the Native Americans–
STEVE BANNON: –don’t– don’t g– don’t– don’t–
CHARLIE ROSE: –who were here.
STEVE BANNON: –don’t– don’t give me– this is the thing of the leftists. Charlie, that’s beneath you.
Bannon then farted out some words about “economic nationalism,” and Rose retorted that ACTUALLY the Catholic Church is against ending DACA. Bannon, who is Catholic, explained why his own church is gay for immigrants like a common Jesus Christ:
You know why? Because unable to really to come to grips with the problems in the church, they need illegal aliens, they need illegal aliens to fill the churches. It’s obvious on the face of it.
It is just so obvious. (CBS spoke to Cardinal Timothy Dolan, who said Bannon’s comment was “so ridiculous that it doesn’t merit a comment.”)
Know who is not a pussy? Steve Bannon is not a pussy. And neither is Donald Trump:
I think I’m a street fighter. And by the way, I think that’s why Donald Trump and I get along so well. Donald Trump’s a fighter. Great counter puncher. Great counter puncher. He’s a fighter. I’m going to be his wingman outside for the entire time, to protect–
Shhhhhh, don’t nobody tell him that when Trump does his “counter punches,” he comes off like this:
Guess we’ll have to make a picture like that for Steve Bannon too.
Bannon also bragged that he was the “only one” who defended Trump after Trump blamed “both sides” for the Nazi violence in Charlottesville, and said White House economic adviser Gary Cohn should have resigned rather than criticize Trump’s Nazi comments. Somehow Bannon managed to get through this without using the words “total fucking Jew.”
Blah blah blah, what else? Bannon said he encouraged Trump to double down on grabbing them by the pussy after the “Access Hollywood” tape came out, and also he explained why he was so bad at working in the White House that he got quit-fired and now is back at his weird LiveJournal for white supremacists:
I was a st– look, I’m not cut out to be a staffer. … And the Whi– and the Whi– and the White House– and the Whi– no, no– […] You are a staffer. I was a federal government employee. There are certain things you can’t do. I cannot take the fight to who we have to take the fight to when I’m an advisor to the president as a federal government employee. You can’t do it.
Also he kept raiding the petty cash to fund his gin habit. (ALLEGEDLY.)
Anyway, good interview, glad we watched it, oh wait we didn’t.
P.S. If you REALLY want a video (and why would you?) here is Bannon saying Hillary Clinton is “not that bright.” Watch it if you absolutely must:
WATCH: Bannon on Hillary Clinton: "She's not very bright…she doesn't have a grasp on what's important and what's not." pic.twitter.com/0yDc9xmgZM
— Yashar Ali 🐘 (@yashar) September 10, 2017
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