SHARE
Dear Moran: Any fool knows the Earth is flat and the sun is raised by a magical pony princess. P.S.: I am not a crank.

Your dear Doktor Zoom is feeling poorly this weekend, Terrible Ones, so we will do what we can to simulate a Sunday Dok Experience.

Catch 22! Dad pun! Star Trek wookiee! There, that was exhausting. One thing we won’t be doing will be going into the deleted comments queue and looking at the monstrous racist bullshit that clogs our tubes every week. Instead, let’s take a blast into the past and deliver you the letters page from the thingie we were editrix of in the Before Days. How we used to cherish all the letters, and all the readers. THEY WERE SO MAD ALWAYS.

We lit upon these lettres belles after noting properly that we had preceded all Twitter’s precious analogies about Earth = Mad and Us = Tapeworms by practically a decade, and more lyrically too!

There, could you read that part in my Earth Day Letter From the Editrix, in LA CityBeat in 2008?

The hurricanes, the melting ice floes: The earth is trying to protect itself from the infestation that is humanity, and the weather is its bottle of Rid. — me, Rebecca Schoenkopf

Also me, Rebecca Schoenkopf:

And one of the many (many) things that irks holy hell out of me is going someplace away from it all and finding it blanketed with Capri Sun straw wrappers from your piggy little shitbags.

Oh what fun I used to have before I joined this joyless hellhole that is yr Wonkette!

But the readers, they did not love it very much! They thought I was Newspapers’ Greatest Monster!

Click to biggen, but if you are on a phone you probably can’t really see that and I am going to have to transcribe it, huh. Goddammit. Dok just gets to copy and paste. Okay, the first one is verily perturbed!

Death to ‘CityBeat’
I am appalled at the naming of Rebecca Schoenkopf as acting editor. Her cover story on the Los Angeles County Museum of Art, Death to LACMA, is vulgar, uninformative, uninformed and irresponsible. Her Letter From the Editrix is similarly coarse and verges on the onanistic. I urge the publisher to better oversee the actions of his editor.
–Gregory A. Dobie

Here’s the “coarse, onanistic” thing dude was talking about. It was about my pieces and — wait, what??? — Hillary Clinton’s!

Can you imagine how long that guy would not last at Wonkette??? It would be no longs at all!

This next guy was awesome though.

Jump Back, Hit Yourself
You guys are all lah-dee-dah in your own damned existential hooh-hah with roof-tingling mad mulligans and schizofied shenanigans. Who, would you opine, is the better abused substance that tars up the gummery and beats piecemeal puree on this Wonktown train? Um, no. It’s all gravy, my random friend confided in me as I tripped nougat all over the crock pot that is the mise-en-scene at the illustrious “what did she just say” hall of mirrors. You can shoop it, sister, but in the end is that the point? Sheet, you know it. That’s what this story felt like to me except multiply it by a million words and hit yourself on the hand with a hammer.
–Weegee Manlove

Here is the million words and hitting myself with a hammer, if you want to see what Mama sounded like in her art critic days (click to biggen!):

Click to biggen.

You know what? Hit your hand with a hammer indeed, mama was FANTASTIC.

I am not going to transcribe the last two letters, because they are boring and SO LONG.

But it happened, on the same night I was looking back at these old letters with fond delight, I learned that my old boss, the one who taught me everything I know about lefty journalisming (until he followed me to CityBeat as its new publisher, and immediately started changing my shit after I had sent it to the printer, and then explained it was because he was a far better editor than I would ever be and would change whatever the fuck he wanted, and I quit in the kind of “stand for editorial autonomy” that is only done at Gawker these days and what? Gawker is dead?) has taken a new job, and it is as president of an ALEC spinoff group called the California Policy Center, and it is ALL ABOUT “exposing unions” and ragging on “government.” Here, have some horrifying screen shots!

Are you horrified along with me? You ARE? Are you torn between gratitude that Wonkette is here and will live forever and will never say shit like the above, fuckin’ EVER, and an odd bafflement that some of our brethren and sistren think that “voting for Hillary in the general” is THE SAME as the above? Like, they must live somewhere in Portland or something where “voted for Hillary” is as far right as even exists, and the people above, like my old boss, lying about taxes and the DMV, are just imaginary imagination poofs. (Before you start saying Hillary DID say that, and she IS just as bad, no, she said single payer would never happen with this Congress. I’m sure she’s used to being taken completely and maliciously out of context, so no big.)

Please to count your blessings, Wonkers, and then send us some. Mama’s working on a Sunday.

$
Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • proudgrampa

    Wait a minute! You’re still on maternity leave!

  • Villago Delenda Est

    The “California Policy Center” seriously has its head up its ass.

  • suziq

    Why do those crazy people in CA keep voting for that Gov Brown when he is obviously so terrible and Ca is a hellhole now and all the peoples and companies and everybody has moved out? I mean have you been to Ca lately? There is literally no-one left! The streets are empty! The beaches are empty! A hellhole I tell ya!

  • BadKitty904

    “Course”? US??? Fuck that noise.

    • lowenufc

      With a windbreaker.
      And no- I don’t know what that means.

    • tomamitai

      Damn straight! We Wanketteers know enough to use lube when Onanisticising!

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    The California Policy Center sounds like yet another den of sneering, Trump fellating twats. May they shove a bronzed rooster up their asses sideways…..

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Dok, get better soon! Also, thank you ‘Trix for that thrilling amusement from yesteryear!

    • Pierre_de_Fermat

      Trix is a good writer.

  • memzilla Ω

    Working on a Sunday? Someone needs better union representation!

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Was there a bunch of racist bird shit sculptured wingnuts this week? I imagine that Tomi Lahren post brought them…

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Yeah, the Tomi Lahren post electrified the intertubes.

  • (((fka_donnie_d)))

    The “flee” collar – so, you stipulate that businesses are parasites that serve no useful function?

    • Nockular cavity

      I’ll go with that.

    • Lambsendbeds

      Bubonic plague libelz!

  • (((fka_donnie_d)))

    But, DMV is a state agency, I thought states never do anything wrong?

    • Ah, I love the DMV anti-government argument.

      “LOL. DMV is so slow. Government can’t do anything right.”

      “So you support expanding the DMV’s workforce so they can process more people?”

      “No! We need to cut government down to basics!”

  • Rick Hill

    *sigh*
    Waiting for our alien and/or robot overlords to arrive. Anytime now, Guys…..

    • Ricky Gay

      “To Serve Man”

      • Rick Hill

        Eat me!

        • Ricky Gay

          Once they see Trump, it will be all you can eat pork butt.

          • Rick Hill

            More likely make them turn vegan

          • Ricky Gay

            “To Serve Sand”

          • AJ Milne

            On second thought, take us to your lettuce.

          • Khavrinen

            No, Trump only acts like a toddler.

      • Lambsendbeds

        It’s a COOKBOOK !!!

        • Ricky Gay

          My God, it’s full of clams!

          • Christopher Story

            They’re monsters!

  • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

    Um, am I wrong in thinking California is exhibit A for how Democrats should be running the country?
    Also, some are saying Trump is now actually a democrat. If this is true, maybe we all are the party of the KKK and Nazis. (SPOILER: IT AIN’T TRUE.)

    • If Twitler’s a democrat, i’m a wombat

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Nah, your Governor Fake Republican has been laid low by his dick and is now crusading with careful toothlessness against President Fake Republican. His wife has moved on to the political operative who convinced Karl Rove to ignore the center, who is now a fake Democrat, and who also opposes President Fake Republican, even though her father was a founding member of America First (and, yes, a Democratic Presidential ticket candidate, but most likely because everyone remembered his brother-in-law as the not slavering for manly dicksize war liberal he was not, because he died and his wife had style).

      This info dump is brought to you by dear god, I need to stop working on weekends.

  • Ghenghis McCann

    Just out of curiosity, as ‘Onanistic’ is a term referring to male self pleasuring, what’s the female equivalent? Is there one?

    • Getting the job done?

    • Lambsendbeds

      Rubbing one out?

      • Ghenghis McCann

        I was looking for something Biblical.

        • ManchuCandidate

          Female orgasms didn’t exist in the bible. It’s a fake news lie perpetrated by satanist communist liebrul feminazis.

          • Ghenghis McCann

            That explains it.

          • Serai 1

            LOL, you clearly haven’t read the Bible. May I introduce you to a little ditty called The Song of Solomon? That is ALL ABOUT female pleasure. And pretty damn yummy pleasure, to boot.

          • ManchuCandidate
          • SeeTrain65

            I needed this GIF two or three days ago.

          • Serai 1

            Yes, it’s very convenient to call JOKE whenever a mistake is called out, isn’t it?

          • Jennaratrix

            It was pretty clearly sarcasm; liebrul feminazis kind of gave it away. Come on, you can admit you missed it. It won’t hurt. :-)

          • ManchuCandidate

            It’s also very easy to say it’s not when the original comment clearly was intended as one.

        • Ricky Gay

          Fondling the Rosary

        • Robbertjan Brandenburg

          Something with a talking/vibrating snake?

    • VirginiaWackelpudding

      Me time.

    • Jennifer R

      Onanism isn’t masturbating.
      Onan disobeyed god telling him to impregnate his dead brother’s wife. It wasn’t the masturbation that was the problem it was not taking the culturally correct steps to ensure his smooth succession.

      • amrak63

        Of course, the poor guy actually had a stroke or something like that, and since the people of that time and place had no other way of explaining sudden deaths from no obvious cause except the wrath of one or more gods…

    • YayConspiracy

      Sloppy Jane?

    • Daniel

      Joananistic.

    • The Wanderer

      I recently learned that there was a feminine equivalent of “jacking off,” known as “jilling off.”

    • Three Finger Salute

      Silly Genghis. Female pleasure doesn’t exist in Bibleworld. The word for it is “sin.”

  • ManchuCandidate

    Yet the Caliphonya Polisee Centre does not mention the death camps and extremely long waiting lines for Canada City Single Payer Healthcare. Mostly because there aren’t any.

    In the sake of “fairness” to the Caliphonya Polisee Centre, this is how the socialist terror healthcare part of the world views US Amercia healthcare:
    http://media.riffsy.com/images/c7c6ba1c854714c33748a45b7fe60d75/tenor.gif

    http://media.riffsy.com/images/54acc040fdac5cee3937bc6f2479487b/tenor.gif

    http://media.riffsy.com/images/0c214ff64686aca6734ce8b8379dc212/tenor.gif

  • Anyone (ANYONE) could get elected governor of any state by running on a single issue: getting the DMV to work efficiently and easier.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      For the feds it’s always “the efficiency of the post office and the compassion of the IRS”.

      So, first of all, the post office will deliver a letter* anywhere in the country in just a few days for 49¢. The private sector will also deliver a letter, but for about $10.

      And I’ve never had an unpleasant encounter with the IRS. Even when I’ve been wrong. They’re not exactly yukking it up, but they aren’t hostile; just business-like.
      _______________________
      * google it, kids

      • Jennifer R

        And until the republicans fucked with it in about 2005, the post office was self sustaining.

      • msanthropesmr

        Although some can have success with the post office – try living in Richmond, VA and using the post office – one government report called us the “worst service in the country”. Lose mail frequently enough that when I did not get my jury service notice, I called the clerk of the court and they didn’t even give me shit.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      I hear people grumble about the DMV all the time, even though in the last 4-5 years the DMV has added automated kiosks where you can renew your registration, moved significant chunks of service on-line so that unless you need a new photo for your license or are registering a new car you can do everything from home, and even added appointments so that you can schedule when to go in (and they’ll even text you when you’re first in line).
      But I guess some things transcend time.

      • In my experience, the DMV could give Disney a run for their money at processing people waiting in line.

        • Marion in Savannah

          Same here — if you make an early appointment you’re in and out in mere minutes.

    • jowgajen

      I went to the dmv once over three years ago when I moved to California. I made an appointment and waited about 10 minutes once I got there. there were more things to do than normal for moving, like having my vin number physically checked, but it was all done with friendly efficiency.

      I also had to get my car smog tested, which I needed no appointment for and did in fifteen minutes at a place a couple blocks from my house. Then I was able to drop off the paperwork for that at the dmv with no need to wait in any line and I was done.

      Since then, and until I am an old I will have to physically go once every ten years to get a new DL photo. Everything else can be done online or by mail. It’s the most efficient state I’ve lived in when it comes to the dmv.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Massachusetts did. We not only have an option to get most things done online, but spread out the duties to Triple-A offices all over the region. You don’t even have to be a Triple-A member in order to make use of the DMV services at the facilities. We’ve had motor voter registration for years, even before it became federal. Not to mention, this will really piss off the Republicans: you can also have a change-of-gender designation on your driver’s license or state-issued ID if you supply supporting documentation. Unlike Republican states, we don’t make you wear a yellow badge of courage or a scarlet letter on your forehead!

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Did your old boss grow a goatee to get the California Policy Center job?

    https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images/2006082564/EvilSpock2.jpg

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    Yes, but the real question is what will be the theme song to the apocalypse?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vvRkJzVQBP0

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    Some kind of on topic: My son who is raised bi-langual was today playing with his Lego’s and at one point crawled up to me while I was reading and posting on Wonkette and saw the Dominatrix picture on the left of the screen and asked me what that was so I said: ” that is the editrix, the ass kicking writer of the internet.”

    Now his new favorite word is “editrix” and I am waiting for the phone call that will surely folllow by my ex who just picked him up. ^_^

    • VirginiaWackelpudding

      His refrigerator art will become more interesting too.

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        Hopefully. He’s no picasso just yet.

    • Three Finger Salute

      My mom walked in while I was reading Wonkette, and freaked out because she thought I was talking to whip and chain people. (At least she didn’t say local whip and chain people.) I kind of lied, and just said that the website put a picture of Catwoman in the corner as a tribute to Adam West. She said OK and saw it as no big deal after that.

      From here on out though, I do have to block the background images in the browser. Otherwise I could get in trouble for visiting the snarky equivalent to WhiteHouse dot com.

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        Oh then you must really be a YOUNG old he?

  • SeeTrain65

    Trix, was your old boss a sports editor at a Central Ohio daily for a while? Because I think I know that guy, especially from the part about “changing whatever the fuck he wanted because he was a far better editor.”

    BTW: That editor was there for approximately a year before the assistant took over, and he ran the place, flawlessly for about nine of the next 10 years. Don’t know where the first asshole went, and I don’t care. Wherever he is, if he’s still in the newspaper business, you can bet he’s fucking up a sports page.

  • Panika MCD
    • Beanz&Berryz

      You go girl! Happy Home for you!

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Hope she finds her forever home.

    • SeeTrain65

      “Just try resisting that sweet face. Go on. Try it.”

  • Carpe Vagenda

    Your boss sounds lovely.

    Do we know why you were saving your neighbors from themselves? Also too, do lesbians in Los Angeles talk to cranky old men about their body parts a lot, or did they then?

  • Ezio

    Speaking of Hurricane Irma, here’s what corporate jackasses at Pizza Hut had to say to their employees. Risk your life for minimum wage! https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e7d708459e2dc4f9b02508f00745550037cafb1b49e6aa8cfa505ddcdc5ab8dd.jpg

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      “You must return within 72 hours”

      72 hours of what? The storm passing? The roads being reopened?

      What, and I’m just spitballing, if there isn’t a store to return to?

      • Beanz&Berryz

        They’ll keep getting paid even if there’s no store.

        Jk

    • SeeTrain65

      Because when disaster strikes, your first instinct is always, “Can I get a large Meat Lovers and a two-liter of Sprite?”

      • Serai 1

        Why are they less likely to eat pizza than anything else? And why, if they’re trying to work on getting their homes back together, would they not want food delivered? Especially if they don’t have a working car anymore?

        • guppy06

          Because you’d be surprised how many of those people want the pizza to be “donated” to their own personal charity of one, delivered by people who are themselves trying to clean up their own homes and already ate a day or two of not getting paid.

        • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

          Of course people would like to order pizza and have it delivered. I would. But do people who work in restaurants have the the same level of community responsibility we expect from medical personnel and first responders?

        • SeeTrain65

          1. They’re probably not.
          2. I’m sure they would.
          3. Especially.

          But the workers are the same people as the customers. They’ll have to get their homes back together, too, and it would be at least a welcome gesture from Yum! Brands if they could show a little more compassion for their workers by treating them human beings with lives rather than as commodities to be exploited.

          • Serai 1

            I think this whole situation with the hurricanes chewing up everything one after another is going to change the way some companies do business. At least, I hope so.

          • SeeTrain65

            You just made me smile before leaving for the day. ; )

    • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

      They must return to fulfill the noble cause of serving their shareholders community.

      And many probably will neglect their own well-being to get back to work, because people in jobs like that are the most vulnerable vis a vis employment or benefits.

    • jowgajen

      The problem with the letter is that it removes the agency of the workers and managers when you need it most.

      I have managed restaurants like this during serious emergencies. And we have often been open if it were safe with a skeleton crew of surprisingly happy employees. Because it is fun and rewarding to feed your community during a crisis. Some folks will put their whole heart into it because that’s what they do and how they can be productive.

      And some folks have other priorities. And decent people will support those folks for as long as necessary, possible, and/or reasonable. Bad shit happens and life and family matters more than a hot pizza.

      This letter denies both groups dignity. It precludes their workers from stepping up and supporting each other and their families and customers. It comes from a place of trying to control the uncontrollable, it comes from stupid and petty. But we don’t survive and thrive by being stupid and petty.

    • guppy06

      Pfft. I work for a franchisee that will insist has insisted business-as-usual unless and until the police physically close all the roads during blizzards, etc.

      So yeah. Acknowledging that the employees may want to evacuate and urging them to make preparations for their own lives outside of work? I’m OK with this.

    • mailman27

      Isn’t Pizza Hut minimum wage? And “responsibility…to the community to be there when they need us?” Aren’t you getting above yourself a little bit, Pizza Hut? How about responsibility to your fucken employees?

  • But wait – isn’t the California economy THRIVING under Gov. Brown?

    Hasn’t everything been better since they relegated the Republicans to the ineffective minority that utterly deserved?

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Pfft, you and your “reality”.

  • Serai 1
  • wait! what?

    I think the grizzly bear with a choke collar really represents the artists desire to have sex with an asphyxiating Sarah Palin.

    #mamagrizzlydonkeypunch

  • Me not sure

    Did the news of the fall of the Soviet Union somehow escape the folks at the California Policy Center? I thought that Ronnie personally wrestled the beast to the ground and strangled it using nothing more than his mighty penis as a garrot.

  • ltmcdies

    morning Wonkettes…….here’s a street scene 1896….so…no sound…also…guy in the top hat…what an ass

    https://twitter.com/41Strange/status/903351635534987264

  • OutOfOrbit

    r.e. top of the thread:
    an unicorn with such a long horn scares me

    • Jennifer R

      Don’t join twitter.

      • OutOfOrbit

        Y wood i wanna do dat?

        • Jennifer R

          Well if you were a disaffected or alienated minority of some sort you would find people to bond with, but if trans people squick you then… ;) I go a long way for a bad joke sometimes

          • OutOfOrbit

            only republicans squick me

    • guppy06

      Then don’t search the web for “Princess Molestia”

      • OutOfOrbit

        *makes a note of that … for later*

      • The Wanderer

        And her gimp sister, Nightmare Moan.

  • Ezio
    • OutOfOrbit

      the unclean poors are not allowed

    • Canis Greyhame

      As soon as they pony-up the $200,000 membership fee! But you know, his garbage palace would surely collapse and kill everyone inside anyway.

      • Rags

        “Fuck the tired, the poor, the hungry yearning to breathe free…. I lift my lamp beside the golden door, and it says ‘NO VACANCY’.”

  • guppy06

    “Onanistic?” More like Onantastic!

    And my takeaway from the California-as-bear metaphor is that businesses are a bunch of blood-sucking, disease-carrying parasites.

    • Daniel

      “Onanistic” is considered a compliment for the similarly named but very different site Wankette.

      It’s for people that really, really like napkins.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    YOU’RE BEST COLLUM YET, DOK!!
    /I keed, I keed.

  • Rachel Book Harlot

    Yikes! The water in Tampa beach is gone/receded. MSNBC showing photos and it’s frightening.

    • AJ Milne

      Shit.

      (That’s bad.)

      • Rachel Book Harlot

        It’s nuts! I’m trying to find the photo they posted so that I can post it here.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Oh, it’ll return.

      • Rachel Book Harlot

        Shit, when that water comes rushing back… I hope everyone has found safe haven.

      • Marion in Savannah

        Oh, will it ever… With a vengeance.

  • Carpe Vagenda
    • Daniel

      This is just such a simple way to defuse that kind of whining about Political Correctness- “what exactly is wrong with being asked to say this thing instead of this thing?”

      At this point I feel slightly proud of my country for responding to Milo Rastapopoulos with a collective shrug rather than giving him the anger and outrage he so badly wants.

      On this theme.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        OK, tbf, Milo had no yet discovered muslims and jews and the ickiness of women back then, and thought gamers were whiny nerds who couldn’t get laid, so. Wormy apples and rotten oranges.

        • Daniel

          Don’t bring me down with facts. You can prove anything with facts.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            Hey, buddy! This is America, and…

            OK. Point.

      • Zombishroom

        Not someone who works as a cunt. Thank you!

  • Msgr_MΩment

    You know what? Hit your hand with a hammer indeed, mama was FANTASTIC.

    Too soon, Becca. Too. Damn. Soon.
    /Ooops. Read ‘head’ for ‘hand’. Silly me.

    • Daniel

      Obviously the gap between the event and when it’s appropriate to make jokes about it is referred to by joke physicists as

      Hammer time.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        I won’t touch that.

        • Zombishroom

          You can’t.

  • The Wanderer

    “Coarse and onanistic?”

    Who masturbates with sandpaper?

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Republicans?

    • OutOfOrbit

      only that one time and …

    • Zombishroom

      Hey man, different strokes for different folks.

      • The Wanderer

        I concede your point.

    • SheltonTodd

      Once you use 30 grit, you’ll never go back. Just sayin’…

      • SeeTrain65

        Start with 220 grit, then go up to 440 for “finishing.”

      • kareemachan

        It takes grit to do that….

        ETA: Dang, I didn’t click on “one new reply” to see train’s comment until after I posted mine.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Grit? Regular, creamy or Al Dente?

      • Tiny kaiju

        With 30 grit, you can’t go back at all, ever.

  • Wolf Tracker
  • TJ Barke

    Onanistic? Why I never!

  • Rachel Book Harlot

    Here’s what Tampa beach looked like this morning. MSNBC showed a photo just now that was much worse. This is crazy.

    https://twitter.com/Breaking911/status/906902741292863494

    • Marion in Savannah

      Lordy — here’s hoping that doesn’t presage a massive storm surge.

    • Wolf Tracker

      Shows the power of Irma and it is picking up a whole lot of water it is going to dump when it moves fully inland.

    • The Wanderer

      Holy fuck. I get sudden visions of Phuket Beach in Thailand from the tsunami back then.

      • Wolf Tracker

        AND then it rushes back in and people thought it was safe to come out of shelters and died as a result.

      • Rachel Book Harlot

        Me, too! I actually had no idea that hurricanes did this until people started posting photos of the dry beach in the Bahamas yesterday. I always thought it happened solely during tsunamis.

        • The Wanderer

          No, the wind’s fully capable of doing it as well. It just takes a lot more wind.

          • Rachel Book Harlot

            It’s incredible! It’s both frightening and awe inspiring. Mother Nature is no joke.

    • tomamitai

      That explains why Dexter always went so far out to sea to dump his victims!

    • shastakoala

      Proof that sea rise is a hoax ~ Climate Change Denier

  • Ezio

    Fox News viewers OUTRAGED over Shep Smith interrupting Fox & Friends for 2 hours of Irma coverage. Call him a “traitor”.

    http://www.rawstory.com/2017/09/liberal-dung-fox-viewers-apoplectic-after-shep-smith-preempts-two-hours-of-fox-friends-for-irma-coverage/

    • Canis Greyhame

      Clearly they prefer the dumbed-down, idiot-couch fuckery to anything resembling legitimate news.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Shep doesn’t have gams and titties. Therefore, has no business on the Real Dolls for Jesus™ Network.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      They can’t miss their dose of stupid for even two hours? Sounds like an addiction.
      Also, like they are very defensive about “reality”.

    • tomamitai

      What kind of nut job complains about an alleged news station covering a news story that is affecting literally millions of U.S. citizens in a state that “their” President won and owns property?

      • Marion in Savannah

        Haven’t you heard yet? Faux Noise is now librul.

      • SeeTrain65

        Pay attention, Tom. This is Fox News Country.

        EVERYTHING IS AN OUTRAGE!

        • Khavrinen

          And a librul conspiracy.
          And Obama’s/Hillary’s fault.
          And only happening because Soros paid for it.
          And caused by the chemtrails.
          Etc., etc., etc.

    • Three Finger Salute

      I’m going to guess they called him much worse than that. He’s practically persona non grata in the Theocratic Confederacy of Dunces of Mississippi-Gilead because, well, the whole “choosing to be gay” thing.

  • Rachel Book Harlot
    • Wolf Tracker

      The power of a storm to do that is massive.

      • Rachel Book Harlot

        I can’t even with this. It’s incredible.

  • Michael R
    • TJ Barke

      #chinesehoax

      • jesterpunk

        Say what you will about China but when they come up with a hoax they really go all in with it.

        • BeachBum

          Good One ! I know I’m impressed.

    • The Wanderer

      A 1958 Bell Labs film actually predicted global warming and sea level rise, with an animation of glass-bottomed boats giving tours of a drowned Miami.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      I would not be there, and if I was I’d be curled up in a closet or screaming hysterically.
      I would have grabbed Elderly Senile Cat and Psycho Kitty and headed for a nice hotel- in Arizona somewhere- about a week ago.

      • Rachel Book Harlot

        Me, too.

    • Joe Beese

      I was just there 3 months ago. I took Mom to Joe’s Stone Crab. :-(

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Now is the time to talk about a tax cut.

      • Marion in Savannah

        Trust me — they are.

      • Canis Greyhame

        Let’s just wrap up the first major tax overhaul in more than a decade by the end of the month, mmkay?

    • brucej

      Many folks have already pointed out that those buildings are all built right along the concrete banks of the Miami river, as in ‘there’s always water there! It’s a RIVER!!’.

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      Oh shit.

  • Rachel Book Harlot

    Here’s another pic of Tampa Bay. I can’t get over how crazy this is. Mother Nature is incredible:

    https://twitter.com/WeatherKait/status/906892683490287617

    • Marion in Savannah

      That’s terrifying.

    • Zombishroom

      Isn’t that what happens right before a tsunami?

      • The Wanderer

        Yep.

      • Rachel Book Harlot

        Yes, but I learned yesterday that this also happens during a hurricane. It’s part of the storm surge. The hurricane basically piles up the water towards its center and then pushes it towards the shore with its high winds.

        • Zombishroom

          I don’t see it ending well.

          • Rachel Book Harlot

            It’s frightening.

      • ahughes798

        Yes. But this would be considered more of a seiche, where wind piles water up into one area, or against the opposite shore, and then when the wind stops, all the water comes rushing back in. Since there’s so much water being blown out here, there will be many feet of water that will be coming back in, instead of a few inches. This happens occasionally on Lake Michigan.

        • Zombishroom

          Damn. You’re smart. Wouldn’t expect to find such intelligence in the comment section on a mommy blog/recipe hub.

          • ahughes798

            The only reason I know about them is that they occasionally happen on the Great Lakes. And the one meteorology class I took. Tsunamis are caused by earthquakes in the ocean floor.

        • Marion in Savannah

          And a member of the Wonkettariat teaches me another new thing! Thanks — I’d never heard of a seiche.

    • DerrickWildcat

      I’d be down in that looking for money!

    • YayConspiracy

      Moses parting the waters.

    • Charon_69

      downright eerie

  • SheltonTodd

    Onanistic? The volume of “Shit Fer Brains” comments borders on ORGIASTIC!

    • BeachBum

      Is it just me that I’ve always heard the cool parts of the Bible when I’m too old to really enjoy them ? I think there may be an agenda here.

      • Marion in Savannah

        The opposite happens also too. When we were kids in Sunday School we heard rumors of The Song of Songs and so rushed off to read it. Of course, we were all way too young to have any idea what it was really about.

  • jesterpunk

    http://www.miamiherald.com/news/weather/hurricane/article172416297.html

    The boom of a crane at an under-construction apartment building in downtown Miami bent and collapsed in Irma’s heavy winds around 10:30 a.m. Sunday.

    Two Miami firefighters watched the boom at 300 Biscayne Blvd. snap, sending bricks toppling to the ground. The boom is still connected to the crane’s tower by a cable, hanging partially over the building’s side. People living nearby were urged by city officials to seek shelter on the side of their own building opposite the fallen crane or in a stairwell. The tower, which holds 464 apartments, is named Vice.

    After the accident, Miami’s fire chief, city manager, mayor and deputy building director rushed up to the fourth floor of the city’s police college, which houses Miami’s emergency operations center, to observe the damage. No injuries were reported.

    At one point, cellphone video appeared to show the ball that balances the weight of the anchor on the crane was swinging and slamming into the side of the building, although Deputy Building Director Maurice Pons couldn’t confirm that was the case.

    • Wolf Tracker

      One of about 20 cranes that they are watching swing back and forth right now.

      • tomamitai

        Isn’t there some way they could have secured the cranes? They’ve known what was coming for a few days at least.

        • Pierre_de_Fermat

          I don’t believe they secure them; they are designed to rotate in the wind like a weather vane. Still a *lot* of forces at work and if there is a weak point, it will be found. With sufficient wind, even a weather vane can be blown off.

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      Yesterday on the news I watched residents worry about all the cranes left up on buildings. And today, sure enough, one collapsed.

      • jesterpunk

        Did they try shooting the cranes to stop them from falling? There where enough people in Florida who wanted to shoot the hurricane.

  • Joe Beese

    Look on the left. See that diagonal line that starts at the bottom and goes NNW past the water and onto the land labeled “St. James City”? That’s where Irma is expected to be in 6 hours or so – about the time the locals would normally be digesting their early bird dinners. The wind will probably be steady at 80 to 100 mph, with gusts as high as 130 mph.

    Now look on the right. See that grey kidney-shaped section to the right of “Iona”? The westmost part of that section that’s still on the water? Mom is 500 feet southwest of that.

    7 miles away.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e2c4b1a089a28d25004eeb81d17fc91bb5eb41a7662cddd2f3e024d444dc21da.png

    • The Wanderer

      Holy crap.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Can you tell us more about how she’s trying to stay safe? Worried about many friends and Wonkers in the path of the storm.

      • Joe Beese

        She and several other couples in her condo are staying with her neighbor who has storm shutters on her windows. Hope those survive 130 mph winds.

        They’re two stories above the water line, so they should be safe from even the worst-case storm surge. But the building’s backup generator will probably get taken out. And I don’t think there’s going to be any public electricity for at least three days.

    • :hugs: love for momma joe

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      And 72 miles north of that, right along the path, Mom, Stepdad, and Youngest Brother are hunkered down in their house, hoping nothing goes through the windows.

      • Joe Beese

        Let’s hope God has a soft spot for stubborn idiots.

        • jowgajen

          She seems to.

        • Mormos

          the universe is the mad dream of the nightmare sultan azathoth, and when he awakens it will end.

        • sgt. jmk of the résistance

          Indeeeeeed.

      • YayConspiracy

        Stay safe, your relatives and Joe’s.

        • Three Finger Salute

          Seconded, thirded and infinitied.

        • sgt. jmk of the résistance

          They were a block and half from the mandatory evacuation zone, but Youngest Brother assures me they’ve done everything they can to prepare. We’ll see.

    • Pierre_de_Fermat

      Wishing the best for Joe’s Mom and JMK’s family and any Wonkers or loved ones in the path.

    • jesterpunk

      But she didnt have emails and its Saint Bernie’s wife so it must be fake or something.

  • I made my bacon…then i remembered i bought tri colour fingerling potatoes at the market yesterday, so i sliced them up, tossed them with fresh garlic and shallots and bacon fat. They are now roasting and i am eating the bacon

    • Marion in Savannah

      Yum!

    • Wolf Tracker

      You eat as healthy as I do. Just had a thick BBQ burger with home grown tomato and lettuce with a slab of chocolate pie and a DP to wash it down.

      • I’ve made homemade mac and cheese using bacon fat as a butter substitute for the roux base

        • mancityRed6

          I love you

          • I know

          • mancityRed6

            son of a

          • Khavrinen

            What’sa matter? Can’t Han-dle and obvious response like that?

          • mancityRed6

            oh, I can, I just hit the “enter” button quicker than I’d have

          • BeachBum

            Jeeeze Loueeezze you guys ! Get a room !

        • Wolf Tracker

          You are going to need a long nap.

          • Not today. But i have done so

          • Wolf Tracker

            If I eat a heavy meal it puts me right to sleep and I feel my nap coming on but have to run to town first.

    • mancityRed6

      you need to save the fat/grease whatever for when you make biscuits.

    • Me not sure
    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Yum. I made an egg. marbled cheddar, mushroom and bacon scramble for breakfast. Dinner may depend on if my stomach cooperates.

  • Me not sure

    Rebecca. You get extra points for the Ed “Big Daddy” Roth reference.🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟 https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/5f01220562fdd651c8479b33535f0c49a31e85fa2a6ce9044a3402322a060966.jpg

    • Rags

      Rat Fink ruuuuulz!!

  • Rachel Book Harlot

    MSNBC is sadly having to warn people to stay away from theTampa Bay shoreline and not go looksie loo at the phenomenon of the water receding.

    • Canis Greyhame

      When the ocean vanishes, I’ll take that as a sign to run like hell.

      • The Wanderer

        Same here. Head for the hills!

        • Me not sure

          I live in the hills and it still might make it here as a tropical storm.

      • Rachel Book Harlot

        Seriously! This would be me:

        https://m.popkey.co/b97321/NGjrX.gif

    • ltmcdies

      Well these the same lot who thought firing guns at Irma would be a cool participation sport

    • Wolf Tracker

      Look- a starfish. Can we get it?

      • Me not sure

        Suuuuure?

    • IdiokraticCulturalMarxist

      “What, and miss out on my chance for a Darwin award?”

    • Joe Beese

      Remember in Independence Day (1995): the girl on the top of the building in LA, looking at the pretty death ray?

    • And don’t look up in a rainstorm with your mouth open at the marvel of it.

      • Marion in Savannah

        What turkeys…

    • Pisto75666

      The sheriffs have actually had to warn people NOT to shoot guns at the hurricane……because apparently that was something people were doing.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        Because everyone knows that hurricanes are just empty air, right? There couldn’t possibly be anything caught up inside one that might ricochet a bullet somewhere harmful.
        SMH

        • Pisto75666

          Florida: When Texas is busy and you need your crazy right away!

      • Joe Beese

        What’s the thought process there?

        Symbolic show of defiance? Voodoo belief in its ability to drive away weather? Or just a new excuse to have fun firing guns?

        • Pisto75666

          I’ll take all of the above for $400, Joe . “Because Florida” or “Why not” were also acceptable answers. :D

        • Rachel Book Harlot

          Apparently, it was a way to relieve stress and anger.

      • Rachel Book Harlot

        lol If I recall correctly, they actually had to show a visual of the bullet turning around and heading back to its origin. I can’t even.

        • Pisto75666

          Oh for fuck’s sake. OTOH, some people just need pictures!

    • shastakoala

      I find this very biblical. When do the frogs arrive?

      • Daniel

        They’re already here, screaming about freeze peach.

        • sgt. jmk of the résistance

          Oi! We are not!

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        Not to worry, I canceled my flight.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Pepe already brought the plague. But in other apocalypse news, a Palestinian socialist preacher is running for city council in New York. His candidacy is being sabotaged by a Roman guy named Gentile and an Israeli warmonger named Dov(e). Hence, he’s likely to get crucified — literally, with votes.

    • BeachBum

      ” I seen a little on tee vee.”

  • Heard a report of a renovated building in the Keys where the workers piled the old asbestos covered stuff in a big plastic safety tent last week.
    The tent and contents were blown away…
    (I suspect some new OSHA rules)

    • mancityRed6

      ha! I applaud your optimism.

    • OutOfOrbit

      no new rules!

    • Rules? Those sound like regulations! Bad!

    • Wolf Tracker

      Wouldn’t surprise me if it was done intentionally to avoid handling fees for toxic waste.

    • Resistance Fighter Astraea

      Under favorable conditions we’d get new OSHA rules in about 3-5 years.

      • Mormos

        under sane conditions we’d get new OSHA rules every 3-5 years.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    506 Sports tells me the Steelers game is playing in the Tampa area. Anybody mind if I crash at your place for the next few hours?
    #fuckwhereIlive

    • mancityRed6

      in their first real game, the KC chiefs trounced the Patriots.
      it won’t last.

    • SeeTrain65

      OMG! Cleveland is getting slammed by Irma!

      So, twice in one day? Once by Irma, once by the Steelers?

      (You were right to want the fuck out, Joe Haden.)

      • Doug Langley

        Wait, what??? Cleveland getting hit by Irma?? I’m in central Ohio, and if outside was any calmer I could open a resort.

        • SeeTrain65

          BTW: Midway through the first quarter AT HOME, Browns down 7-0.

          Same as it ever was.

  • rosenbomb

    DMV lines are long, ergo government healthcare lines would be long.

    THAT IS NOT HOW THIS WORKS.

  • Cranky Man

    How did we get here? I’ve added “Democracy in chains” to my must read list. The GOP is not for democracy, the donors and thought leaders are actively suppressing the 99.99%.

    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      It’s excellent and enraging. It finally explained why these “libertarians” don’t want freedoms for wimmins, blahs and teh geys: cuz they vote the wrong way.

      • Three Finger Salute

        See also: Peter Thiel.

  • Daniel

    Take this with a pinch of salt as these might have been started by Russian bots but it seems Fox viewers are not happy that the gormless, gurning grotesques of Fox and Friends were pre-empted this morning under the pathetic excuse that a once in 500 year hurricane baring down on Florida and threatening massive destruction to one of the states in the nation they claim to care about warranted such measures and reporting by an actual liberal.

    I assume Shep Smith counts as liberal because he occasionally criticises Trump.

    • mancityRed6

      well, that and he’s gay.

      • Marion in Savannah

        How the hell did they let him on Faux Noise?

        • mancityRed6

          blackmail?

        • Daniel

          I think they want to be able to pretend they’re not raging bigots so they need tokens.

      • Daniel

        I assumed that news hadn’t percolated through to those who watch Fox and Friends.

        Or, more accurately, I thought the people whose heads hadn’t literally exploded from rage at the news that still watched Fox and Friends didn’t know.

        • mancityRed6

          oh, they know. if you read Fox comments like I do, they let you know that they know.

          • Daniel

            Turgid love muscles?

          • mancityRed6

            you have no idea.

      • Canned Covfefe

        Obvious by his hands on his hips.

    • jesterpunk

      They are upset that the hurricanes are making Trump look bad.

      • Edith Prickly

        Weather has a well-known liberal bias.

    • Edith Prickly

      Doesn’t take much to trigger Fux Nooz fans, does it?

    • BeachBum

      In all fairness we do have 49 others. Disney could make the whole state an Under the Sea Park. So as to not have to make new flags we could let in Puerto Rico as a state. Too soon ?

    • Carpe Vagenda

      I assume he counts as liberal because he’s gay.

    • shivaskeeper

      It doesn’t matter if it was started by a troll or Russian bot. What really matters is how easily led into outrage the viewers are. What matters is how easily they are manipulated. What matters is how many actual real people retweet this nonsense and add it to their ever growing list of grievances that need to be lashed out at.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Merkinese are morons. Sadly, they vote.

        • shivaskeeper

          It applies to all extremists. As a whole extremists are easily led.

  • mancityRed6
    • Marion in Savannah

      Most def full beard.

    • I like the Lemmy

      • mancityRed6

        just for you, and Jennifer R, just because.

        • We’re smart ladies

          • mancityRed6

            to tell the truth, it was rigged from the start.

          • Still less rigged than your last election

          • mancityRed6

            and we still make jokes about 2000

          • Marion in Savannah

            Mr. Putin, is that you?

          • mancityRed6

            da..no, pee hookers for everyone!

    • Joe Beese

      I’m sure you’re a man of many fine qualities. I’m also sure you’ll agree that you are not Lemmy.

      Full beard.

    • SeeTrain65

      Either. And I need a shave.

    • jesterpunk

      Full beard.

    • Jennifer R

      Rock the lemmy.

    • Raan

      Grizzly Adams.

      • SeeTrain65

        Jeremiah Johnson. Or Bear Claw. Either one.

        “What’s on the spit, Pilgrim?”

        • mancityRed6

          “you”

          • Doug Langley

            60’s Batman show: one death trap had the Dynamic Duo on a rotating spit above a gizmo that’s going to microwave them to a crisp. Batman: “Above all, Robin, we must maintain our dignity!!”

    • Canis Greyhame

      Winter’s coming, so you’ll need to keep your chin warm. Full beard.

    • Wolf Tracker

      Goatie in summer and full beard in winter at my place. My face hasn’t been hairless since I was 13 and couldn’t grow hair on my face.

      • mancityRed6

        good god no, facial hair is like wearing a wet sponge when it’s 80% humidity.

        • Wolf Tracker

          High desert and cold winters here. You don’t see a lot of bald faces in my area including women unfortunately.

          OK I made up that last part.

          • BeachBum

            I been thru there. No you didn’t.

        • BeachBum

          Well yeah, but that’s good fer when you spill yer beer !

    • H0mer0

      you look handsome both ways but the smooth chin looks kinda obscene.

    • persistently_resistant_gayby

      FULL BEARD – NEXXT!

    • The Wanderer

      Full beard.

    • CountryClubJihadi

      I dig the full beard. Will we get to vote on the manscaping? :)

      • Marion in Savannah

        Nope. The fix is in.

        • mancityRed6

          there are just some times when a ‘stache is good, but beard is not.
          trust me on this.

          • Marion in Savannah

            Oh, Mr. MinS had been both bearded and beardless. He’s got a beard now because he decided shaving was such a pain in the ass.

          • mancityRed6

            yes, yes it is.

          • Arolpin

            If shaving is a pain in the ass, you’re doing it wrong!

          • Marion in Savannah

            Depends on how hairy you are…

          • mancityRed6

            well I’m not doing it, but she complains.

      • mancityRed6

        well, it has been a year since the last time.

      • eggs ackly-wright

        No starburns.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Both are good. I slightly prefer the full beard, though.

    • shastakoala

      Yes

      • mancityRed6

        you’re cool

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Full facial hair makes meals last longer. That’s how I vote.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Very Gloucester fisherman. Nothing wrong with that.

    • eggs ackly-wright

      Lemmy Caution. There’s a whole movie about him.

      • mancityRed6

        I have yet to see it. but I really, really want to.

      • mancityRed6

        and I saw him play a few years back. he was good.

    • Doug Langley

      The full beard doesn’t bother me half as much as the expression suggesting the photographer just said “Ha, ha, mate, I just raped your wife and chopped her into 37 pieces and she was DELICIOUS!!!!!”

      • mancityRed6

        you are dark.
        I cropped my ex out of the Lemmy pic.

        • Doug Langley

          What other explanation do you have for those bug-eyes?

          • mancityRed6
          • Doug Langley

            “Well, that’s enough texting, think I’ll look and check the road and OMG I’M IN THE WRONG LANE AND THAT TRUCK IS EIGHT FEET AWAY!!!!!!!!”

          • mancityRed6

            you weren’t there you don’t…wait, how do you know this?

          • Marion in Savannah

            Pretty safe assumption if texting & driving…

          • mancityRed6

            meh, 69 is split lane above Ft Scott and there was no one around since they were all at thanksgiving dinner.

          • Marion in Savannah

            Even so… My former boss had a horrible habit of calling on his cell phone while he was driving to or from out of the outlying offices. I finally got to the point where I’d just hang up on him. He stopped calling me. (Prolly called other folks in the office though, nice, nice guy but stubborn as a mule.)

    • kareemachan

      Uh, to me the second pic is DON’T DO THIS!

      Note: My SO has a full beard and when he lets it grow, he looks like Moses or Santa. One of these days, I’m going to get him a Santa gig. (My uncle did them, and the last gig he did was in Hong Kong.)

    • Lordpnut

      Lemmy was a kind and sensitive soul who represented the pinnacle of human potential, and you do his memory justice by sporting the look.

  • Moar Wordz

    I’m coarse and onanistic and proud. Say it loud.

  • Kurt Weil

    The sin of Onan wasn’t whacking it, it was refusing to impregnate his dead brother’s wife. The whole “onanism” thing is a misinterpretation. Here endeth the lecture.

    • Daniel

      Also identity theft, but that’s only in the apocrypha.

    • SeeTrain65

      Buzzkill.

    • Moar Wordz

      Well, I can’t impregnate anyone unless I use a turkey baster !!!! Geuss I’m not onanistic then, but intercourse challenged.

      • tomamitai

        Also ineligible to be married by a Catholic priest, unless they’ve changed that rule.

        • Moar Wordz

          Crumbs. I was hoping for a church wedding.

    • tomamitai

      Yeah, but he DID put it in her and work it enough to “spill his seed on the ground”, so THAT was a dick move worthy of smiting! On the plus side, he apparently didn’t get it in her hair or on the furniture.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        there’s something about the virgin Mary…

      • BeachBum

        That’s what we need in this country : moar smiting !

    • bbayliss

      My wife had a parakeet, she named it Onan, because it spilled its seed upon the ground

      • Daniel

        Did she name her rottweiler Jesus?

        • Khavrinen

          So the parrot can freak out burglars by saying “Jesus is watching you”, or so, when he gets out of the yard, she can go around asking the neighbors, “Have you found Jesus”?

          [ I’ve heard the joke told both ways. ]

        • chimichanga

          He called his child Jesus. Jesus blows up balloons all day. Sits on the porch watching them fly. And Jesus! He wants to go to Venus. Leave Levon far behind. (Not sure why I wrote that.)

      • WomanInThePersistence

        You married Dorothy Parker?

        • bbayliss

          I apparently married a woman familiar with Ms.Parker, which is not a bad thing.

      • SeeTrain65

        Mel Brooks: “The Lord said, ‘Thou shalt not spill thy seed on the ground.'”
        Carl Reiner: “And ‘Thou shalt be fruitful and multiply.'”
        Mel Brooks: “And he was fruitless and … subtracted.”

    • eggs ackly-wright
    • proudgrampa

      “…refusing to impregnate his dead brother’s wife.”

      That Old Testament God was a perverted weirdo.

      • Marion in Savannah

        Well, it was to give his brother an heir, and to keep the widow from starving to death with no man to provide for her.

        • proudgrampa

          Well. I guess that makes it OK, then…

          Still kinda creepy, no?

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      good thing- otherwise coarse and onanistic would be a really bad combination…

    • BeachBum

      I hope this fulfill my religious duty so I can go watch grown men knock each other down over a bag of pig skin filled with air. Can I get an AMEN !!

      • SisterArtemis

        AMEN!!!
        GO PIGGERS!!! PIGGERS GONNA GO ALL THE WAY THIS YEAR!!!

      • Three Finger Salute

        Tight ends in tight pants, dancing in the end zone.

        Football: 100% totally, completely, and bigly NOT GAY.

        (Source: American Christian Union of Liberty and Testosterone)

    • Three Finger Salute

      I thought the sin of Onan was challenging the divine right of the Holy Chin.

      Oh, wait. That was the sin of Conan. And boy, did he get smited for it.

  • BeachBum

    Hope Dok gets well.

    • SeeTrain65

      Eye 2.

    • shastakoala

      I think he’s looking for one of his lungs.

      • mancityRed6
        • DerrickWildcat

          They were here like last week.

          • mancityRed6

            cheese and chocolate say “no”

          • DerrickWildcat

            Are you saying they weren’t in Lincoln?

          • mancityRed6

            probably Omaha

          • DerrickWildcat
          • mancityRed6

            so you’re saying they still play?
            cool as fuck

          • DerrickWildcat

            That’s what I’m saying, Gene and Dean.

          • Zombishroom

            Was it the cover band B’t’ween?

          • Zombishroom

            My friend saw them on this tour and said it was awesome. I have seen them many times.

          • Lordpnut

            The first rule is you don’t talk about it…

        • Zombishroom

          Are we related? Didn’t see your post but posted the same thing.

          • mancityRed6

            maybe?

          • Zombishroom

            Any band that can get away with the lyric ‘I think his lungs fucked up ‘ deserves a grammy.

      • Zombishroom
      • Zippy W Pinhead

        still fighting the lung crud?

        • shastakoala

          More of a head cold I think. The evil cough is a crappy side effect.

  • Marion in Savannah

    Robert Bateman at Charlie Pierce’s shebeen has a really nice piece on the people who fly planes into the eye of a hurricane to predict what it’ll do:

    http://www.esquire.com/news-politics/politics/a12199665/hurricane-drivers/

  • Raan

    Irma finally looks like it’s turning north, so hopefully it’ll weaken significantly by the time it gets up here.

    On the plus side, I’m finally getting my Steam shit updated.

    • puredog

      Is steam shitting anything like scream shitting?

      • mancityRed6

        there’s a lot less crying involved.

      • Raan

        It’s when you eat so much spicy food that when you go to poop, steam just comes out.

  • Moar Wordz

    What happened to Dok? :(

    • Me not sure

      Doktor, heal thyself?

      • Zombishroom

        Doktor feelgoode?

        • God Emperor Emeritus

          We prefer Doktor Greenthumb round here.

        • Msgr_MΩment

          Doktor Love.

          • Zombishroom

            Right on.

    • eggs ackly-wright

      A vague, unfocussed malaise, I bet.

      • Rick Hill

        Ennui….

        • eggs ackly-wright

          N is for Neville
          Who died of ennui.

      • Zombishroom

        Hangovers a bitch.

      • Joe Beese

        We’ve all got intense malaise. Am I right?

        • altleftjohn

          I think I’ve got existential dread.

  • YayConspiracy

    Get well soon, Dok!

  • Three Finger Salute

    That cartoonist is as much of a moron as Ben Garrison. Einstein was a socialist. He’d probably vote for Moonbeam or, heck, Trix if she ran for office. Or he’d get kicked out of Murica for being one of them galldurn pagan science-loving parenthetical (((cosmopolitan elites))). Because “Make America Germany Again,” that’s why.

    I can’t stand when “artists” who claim to be making some Big Bold Statement™ about politics or culture or what have you don’t even get their facts straight. 99.9999999% of the time, they’re conservatives. Doing the same thing over and over again expecting better results, so therefore, insane. Also, coarse and onanistic.

    • Zombishroom

      Propaganda maybe?

    • bbayliss

      Anyone old enough to remember Al Capp?
      Lil Abner? law and order bullshit, hater, and frightened white guy convinced that “these damned kids” are destroying ‘Murica.

      • Marion in Savannah

        Oh, yeah… And you just HAD to remind me, didn’t you!

        • bbayliss

          It was the “moonbeam” reference.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        He did give us shmoos.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Not to mention that he needed his wife to do his math.

  • puredog

    Shucks, I was looking forward to the DSFB takedown of the maroons who swamped the Tomi Lahren post yesterday. Shucks.

    • SeeTrain65

      We all were. BELIEVE ME, WE ALL WERE.

      • SisterArtemis

        I suppose we could shoulder the burden and do our OWN takedowns. I know I am personally too lazy (and also doing chores between checking the wonkadiscussion), but hey, somebody, maybe??

        • SeeTrain65

          I thought we did already. Well, you guys did. ; )

  • mancityRed6
    • DerrickWildcat

      Where’s Randy?

      • mancityRed6

        getting those cheese burgers

  • Les Appentis De la résistance

    Editrix is jealous that Evan was accused of glue huffing and not her.

    • Three Finger Salute

      She picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines?

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VmW-ScmGRMA

    • Lordpnut

      And I can understand her point, but ya got to give the devil his due. Evan is unhinged in a special “Kurtzian” way. He’s taken his word machine upriver and sending back dark dispatches of a hard truth that most of us are not equipped to understand. The man has enlarged my mind. You know, just the other day he wrote a piece on Vegan Butthole – AND HE MEANT IT.

      • Canned Covfefe

        While yodeling.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    All I have to say about the hurricane is that if it skips the opportunity to destroy 45’s trash palace, I will have a disappoint.
    (As long as it doesn’t kill anyone, OF COURSE)

    • Rick Hill

      It was originally a beautiful manor built in the 20s or something. What he’s done to it is a crime

    • kareemachan

      And don’t forget his golf courses. Every single last effing one of them.

      With nobody getting hurt.

  • Rick Hill
    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      Damn!

      • Rick Hill

        I don’t know the city but this is a screen grab of the other end of the street https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/fb2d625d3fc7c4db5ac289f99bd0838144136176475da21834798789cb6eb498.png

        • Zippy W Pinhead
          • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

            There was a news article that mentioned construction cranes being an unexpected danger during the hurricane.

          • Marion in Savannah

            Unexpected?

          • Rick Hill

            “Who knew?”

          • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

            Just like who knew raising sea temperature would make hurricanes worse.

          • clairence

            fake news!

          • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

            Yeah, I should have put that in quotes; but that was what the article said. As if tall objects in 100 mph winds wouldn’t be thought of as dangerous.

          • Rick Hill

            Reports of a nine foot storm surge wasn’t bad enough

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            not that unexpected- the city tried to tighten regulations, but lost a lawsuit filed by developers…

          • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

            Don’t want to disrupt development with regulations?

          • Good_Gawd_Yall

            Because of course they did.

          • kareemachan

            And I’m sure Voldemort was on the developers’ side.

          • ltmcdies

            fine…they can pay for all the damage.

          • clairence

            why would they leave that up? are they rated for cat-4 hurricanes?

        • little miss high and mighty

          from the sun and fun capital of the world

    • Zippy W Pinhead
    • Bill D. Burger
    • OutOfOrbit

      too late for a plummers helper? i guess so. prolly. yeah. purdy sure it is too late for that

    • eggs ackly-wright

      Huh. Looks different from the opening of Burn Notice.

  • Rick Hill

    I”m sure this isn’t important. No reason the CIA shouldn’t be the strong arm of the evangelicals, amirite?
    http://www.rawstory.com/2017/09/straight-out-of-the-handmaids-tale-insiders-claim-cia-director-pompeo-is-turning-agency-into-a-christian-hotbed/

    • eggs ackly-wright

      Needs moar Inquisitions OK.

      • Rick Hill

        “New reports of alleged attempts by the CIA to topple the Iranian government emerge….”

        • Marion in Savannah

          It worked so well the last time…

          • Rick Hill
          • BeachBum

            I did not know God’s Kingdom needed advancing. I thought impotent deities just twitched their nose like Samantha ? I mean She does have a nose, doesn’t She ?

          • eggs ackly-wright

            God’s kingdome is actually retarding.

          • Good_Gawd_Yall

            Well, that’s just fine. That’s sure to make everything good for all of us atheists and people of non-Christian religions. Right?

          • Marion in Savannah

            Oh, you betcha!

          • Three Finger Salute

            Why do you think the Dominionists support Israel? They don’t really give a damn about the Holocaust and they hate Jews. They only see the Jews as squatters who are going to cleanse the earth of savage Arabs/Muslims, so that Hitler Jesus can come home from college and convert or outright evict the Jews for occupying dad’s house in Jerusalem.

            Israel, of course, doesn’t care about the Dominionists any more than they give a shit about the Palestinians. As long as they have someone backing them for their hypocritical Lebensraum project, they’ll go along with the phony-baloney Gospel of the Useful Idiot and keep padding the Samson nuclear supply just in case anyone (like, say, Iran) does get wise to it and decides to pose a challenge.

            The atheists and other non-Abrahamites of all categories are unpersons whose well-being or opinions nobody cares about.

          • amrak63

            Not all of us are fundagelicals, 3FS. Your well-being is important to some of us.

            Pride is said to be a sin, indeed the deadliest of the Seven Deadly Sins. Since God has no sin, God would have no pride. Therefore, it seems to me that God is more interested in how you treat other human beings than whether or not you think God exists.

            Likewise, having no pride, God would have no emotional need for people to bow and scrape before Him/Her/Whatever. Indeed, I expect God would find it rather tedious, as portrayed in Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

            However, we are primates, so we can scarcely help but think of God as an Alpha Male Primate. An AMP tends to be intensely concerned with whether or not he receives enough “respect”, because a lack of “respect” might indicate an imminent challenge to his alpha status. Thus, we primates either think God cares about that, or we simply turn to that method of expressing adoration because it’s what the earthly, human authority figures in our lives tend to like.

            I could not sincerely worship God if I thought that God was really the sort of Being the fundagelicals portray God as. I might then have to start worshipping Madoka for real. ;)

          • clairence

            I’m confused. What exactly IS “God’s Kingdom”? TIA

          • Msgr_MΩment

            Sounds furrin to me.

          • eggs ackly-wright

            A very large pile of money.

          • eggs ackly-wright

            Jesus fuck.

        • Wolf Tracker

          What was I saying bout the CIA on here a few days ago?

          Oh yeah- they are trying to get us into another war!

      • Three Finger Salute

        Gee, I wasn’t expecting that.

    • mancityRed6

      “Pompeo, a former Republican congressman from Kansas”
      god damn it.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Wait — dammit Dorothy you lied to me! You said we weren’t in Kansas anymore! The whole goddamn country is Kansas and we’re at the point of no return!

        Ughhh… I miss the rains down in Africa…

        -Toto

        • mancityRed6

          It’s gonna take a lot to drag me away from you

          • Three Finger Salute

            There’s nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do.

            (At least that’s not my thing… YMMV and YKINMK.)

          • Carpe Vagenda

            Which is why they’re still Virgin islands.

    • amrak63

      I hope the old hands can figure some way to sneak around this throwback.

    • shivaskeeper

      That was to be expected, really. Christians like him poison everything they touch.

    • amrak63

      On that first “Good” Friday, the spiritual ancestors of the fundagelicals could be found in Pilate’s courtyard, shouting “Crucify Him!”

      • Rick Hill

        They were tools of gawd, making Jeebuses sacrifice the ultimate one so we no longer need to sacrifice animals. See, they got that covered. they can be horrible people because it’s gawd’s will

        • amrak63

          Let the record show that I disagree with Mr. Hill’s interpretation of Christian theology, which, if I’m not mistaken, he shares with the fundagelicals.

      • mancityRed6

        “give us Barabbas”

        • Lordpnut

          I prefer not. Can we have Bartleby?

          • Marion in Savannah

            I’ve always been partial to scriveners.

          • Lordpnut

            Nowadays all the scrivenning is done overseas by children with inferior materials and dirty vegan buttholes. Sad. Weak.

          • mancityRed6

            fine. *waves hand*

          • Carpe Vagenda

            WYDT. IC it.

      • Finnibar87

        We have no king but Ceasar!

  • Serai 1

    So those of you who are worried about the Democrats finding someone to run for President can now rest easy.

    https://youtu.be/-ukv9v7IGZw

    Oh, and you can buy the hat.

    • mancityRed6

      at least he has experience

      • CindyinEncinitas

        And he can read.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Vicente Fox/Sacha Trudeau 2020.

      Make America Just Two Sensible NAFTA Countries Again.

      • mancityRed6

        make north america great again!

        • clairence

          “Keep it in our hemisphere.” – candidate T

    • altleftjohn

      “Rassle-dassle!”

    • clairence

      THANKS! I totally want those last two hats. Christmas is coming…

  • amrak63
  • Zippy W Pinhead
    • mancityRed6

      that’s pretty fucking scary with the power lines and all.

      • Marion in Savannah

        Yeah — when Matthew came through last year there was a power line down in the lane behind our house. The power companies (who came from all over) were simply spectacular and worked like demons.

      • SisterArtemis

        And this looks like it’s AFTER the road was cleared of debris. Jesus, that’s awful.

      • Wolf Tracker

        Several people got electrocuted from power lines in the water in Harvey

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Who wants a five-dollar bet that 45 will be on teevee soon saying “nobody knew” the US Virgin Islands were part of the US?

      • Doug Langley

        I’m not taking that one.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        “They may have been the Virgin Islands, but they’re super fucked right now, believe you me.”

        • FukuiSanYesOta

          “They got schlonged”

    • jaspersdad

      Fuuuck that’s spooky..

  • Vicious Babushka

    Ramirez, Branco & The Brothers McCoy are the 3rd, 4th, 5th & 6th shittiest “political artists” in America.

    Gold & Silver ( should we say Gold-leaf covered Turd & Tinfoil? ) belong to McNaughton & Garrison.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Miss Amber Alert of Miami sez’: “Irma is gettin’ baaad, y’all. If you didn’t head north, babies, your ass gonna’ be soaked.”

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e0e7116a68d6826138007a5cbb92eaf97088f6bfed8b98954b004240b11aef48.gif

    • It’s raining death, Hell-a-Luia.

    • OutOfOrbit

      cow clocked at 110mph+

      • Bill D. Burger

        Bet it was in an udderly bad mooood’!

        • Canned Covfefe

          Well, you sure milked that one.

    • Joe Beese

      Mom’s already reporting seepage through the ceiling and the worst of it is still hours away.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        Well shit.

      • Marion in Savannah

        Damn. Fingers crossed for her — keep us posted on how she’s doing, please.

      • Wolf Tracker

        Are they in a two story or single level?

        Get them off that ground floor because storm surge is coming.

        • Joe Beese

          It’s a condo, two stories above the water line. They should be safe from that, at least.

      • Up In Smoke O’hontas

        Sorry to hear. Hopefully she’s got an interior room when the real storm hits. Good luck to her!

    • Three Finger Salute
      • Canned Covfefe

        Speaking of fun times for the olds.

        • Three Finger Salute

          Martha Wash, the lead singer, successfully sued the group C&C Music Factory for pulling a Milli Vanilli with her vocals and a skinny model/dancer/stripper/whatever in the music video for “Gonna Make You Sweat”. Saw this on one of those VH1 “where are they now” specials years back. Good on her.

    • Marion in Savannah

      One of the best lines from the movie “Twister:” “We’ve got cows.”

    • Khavrinen

      When pigs cows fly!

  • Coarse, barbaric even … onanistic. Ermagherd, our Editrix is Onan the Barbarian!

    • Marion in Savannah

      I always thought it was Gonad the Barbarian. Learn something new every day here at Wonkette!

    • Canned Covfefe

      Upfists for snagglepuss reference.
      And now I exit stage right.

  • OutOfOrbit

    guys: in 45 min i leave to see “The Wrath of Khan” IN A THEATER! na na na na na naa naa

    • mancityRed6

      been there, done that.

      • OutOfOrbit

        shut up!

        • mancityRed6

          also saw the first three Raiders in the theater.

          • OutOfOrbit

            JUST STOP IT!

          • mancityRed6

            does it hurt when I say I dad took me to see Time Bandits in the theater?
            it should.

          • OutOfOrbit

            your mean

          • mancityRed6

            *you’re
            and I truly love you. you’re cool.

          • OutOfOrbit

            *blushing real bad*

          • Doug Langley

            But you did see 2001: A Space Odyssey at the Cinerama Dome in Hollywood in 70mm and stereo sound? I did, so I’m sure everyone did.

          • SisterArtemis

            I saw it in 70mm in Seattle, so yes, sort of!

          • eggs ackly-wright

            Me, too.

          • OutOfOrbit

            no, dam’it. & i got 2001 on BueRay for Xmas 2 years ago but nobody wants to watch it with me

          • Marion in Savannah

            Grab some popcorn at watch it! (I saw that in the theater too, and I know you hate me, but I are A Old.)

          • OutOfOrbit

            ah contrair i <3yoo

          • Marion in Savannah

            (((hugs!)))

          • Doug Langley

            Make it the biggest screen you can find and be sure the sound system is good. If you see it on anything less, you’re missing a lot.

          • mancityRed6

            I haven’t seen it. ever.

          • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

            I saw it at the (late, lamented, midcentury) Cooper Cinema in Denver.

          • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

            Just remembered I saw Star Wars there also, too (but not in Cinerama).

          • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba
          • 52camellias

            Ummm, it means we are persons of a certain age. Also, it did not mean I enjoyed all three Raiders, or the first three Star Wars, for that matter. Get out your GeekCred Cream Pies of Shame, if you must, but I only really loved the first Star Wars movie and the first Raiders movie.

          • Canned Covfefe

            Ya kinda invited it ya know…

          • Zombishroom

            That hurts.

          • Marion in Savannah

            Me too.

          • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

            Me three. Dog, we are oldz.

          • Doug Langley

            I saw it at the Grauman with THX sound. Wowser.

          • CindyinEncinitas

            I saw Monty Python and the Holy Grail and Caddyshack in theaters.

    • Joe Beese

      As a soundtrack enthusiast, that movie holds a special place in my heart as the first time I remember noticing and appreciating the music as a separate element of the movie.

      That was at the very beginning of James Horner’s career. He went on to do Titanic, Avatar, and many other movies you’re probably familiar with.

      And now he’s dead. :-(

      • kareemachan

        Shit. What is it with good musicians dying and shitty politicians living? I didn’t know about James Horner until now. And I’m still mourning Walter Becker.

        • Three Finger Salute

          Or shitty “musicians” for that matter. Janis Joplin died at 27. Katy fucking Perry is 31 and Madonna is pushing 60. WHY….!

    • Three Finger Salute

      This is what I think Hollywood should do more of. Instead of lame reboots, just do a re-issue of the original film. Actually, they probably should just stop making new films altogether and keep replaying their older, better stuff for new generations to discover. They haven’t churned out anything worth watching in more than a decade.

  • Jonny On Maui
  • Joe Beese

    What a piece of shit.

    Trump also said he plans to ask Congress to expedite tax reform efforts in the wake of damages caused by the hurricane.

    “I think now, with what’s happened with the hurricane, I’m gonna ask for a speed up,” he said. “I wanted a speed up anyway, but now we need it even more so. So we need to simplify the tax code, reduce taxes very substantially on the middle class, and make our business tax more globally competitive. We’re the highest anywhere in the world right now.”

    http://www.cnn.com/2017/09/09/politics/trump-irma/index.html

    • Doug Langley

      Yeah, like the very first think anyone thinks when they see their house blown away is “Oh god no, I gotta pay taxes!”

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Yes, because it’s a smart idea to reduce revenues at the same time you’re going to have to rebuild at least two major cities and dozens of smaller communities.

      • Magyar Has Had It Up To Here

        Cuts to foods stamps should cover the damage

      • Jamoche

        And a couple of those islands are ours also too.

    • OutOfOrbit

      BULL SHIT!

    • Wolf Tracker

      How many times is he going to spin that highest taxes in the world lie before someone calls him out to his fucking face?

      I have no problems with reducing taxes on the real middle class which is under $100K a year but that sure isn’t what he means by middle class.

      • Three Finger Salute

        The problem isn’t taxes. It’s what you get in return for them whether or not your government actually works for its people. The taxes in the USA go to subsidize football stadiums and the fucking Military Industrial Complex blowing shit up in poor brown countries so that the shining turd on the hill and its hoarder billionaires can extract more resources.

        They pay for hookers and blow for congressmen, and “private” education for their spoiled-brat children who then go on to repeat the cycle and follow in the footsteps of the family business.

        Taxes in Canada and Scandinavia, meanwhile, pay for dirty collectivist things like healthcare, education, infrastructure and the arts. Why? Because something’s rotten in Denmark and Justin Trudeau is Fidel Castro’s communist anchor baby from Havana. Pray to St. Reagan and send your tithes to Jim Bakkker to free these heathen secular states from the bonds of liberal socialist charity!

        • Wolf Tracker

          I would rather pay higher taxes and have free health care and college for my kids if I was younger with a family.

          BUT if they aren’t going to do that give me back that tax money so I can do it.

          • Zombishroom

            I’ll pay higher taxes for free education, having no children, because I don’t want to live in a country full of idiots.

          • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

            I’m not so sure I’d be happy paying higher taxes unless and until less of my taxes went to corporate welfare and the military-industrial complex.

        • mfp, all 6s&7s&9s

          so…tell me more about this hookers and blow fund….

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Gotta help those Florida real estate developers… the actual homeowners? Not so much

    • jesterpunk

      Cutting taxes worked so well for Kansas..

      • Doug Langley

        Yeah, that cleaned up their hurricane damage toot sweet!!

      • Three Finger Salute

        Now all they are is fart dust in the wind.

        • Canned Covfefe

          There’s my ear worm for the day.

    • clairence

      His lack of empathy is showing again.

      I’m not sure I see how “two massive hurricanes in two weeks” == “tax cuts more quickly”. But then I’m not a successful, uber-negotiating mega-billionaire.

    • Magyar Has Had It Up To Here

      Surprised?

      • Canned Covfefe

        About as much as getting cake on my birthday.

    • Fartknocker

      Back when I was in college (yeah, I know, educated liberal elitist) I asked my professor of Engineering Econ if the US could ever simplify it’s Tax Code. He said it will happen once a person figures out how to make a U-turn with a Winnebago in a 1 car garage.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Coarse and onanistic

    It rubs the lotion on its skin or it gets the rash.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      But at least it won’t have to see it.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Three Finger Salute
      • Zombishroom

        I listened to the whole song while watching patriotic Florida man and got a contact high.

    • little miss high and mighty

      crank up the Skinnerd, dude!

      • Zombishroom
        • Zombishroom

          This always has to follow. Neil Young was right by the way.
          https://youtu.be/kVRxdPWV3RM

        • little miss high and mighty

          With ol George Corley W. and Cornelia blocking those school house doors.
          That was the Guvna in Birmingham they so loved.
          But watergate? Doesn’t bother them
          Neither is their collective conscience bothered but, yet they ask once again:
          Whether our conscience is so bothered.
          They then advance to the issue of Neil Young, a Canadian singer and composer (and proponent of Pomo digital . full spectrum musical recording) to whom they advise that the “Southern Man” might not need him around, having been besmerched, as it were by the said Canadian singer and composer’s refutation of bull whips whipping, presumed robed Klansmen at their appointed sicko rounds.So yes, by all means, Jeves, crank up that reactionary Confederate tune once again.

    • 52camellias

      My “Moron! Moron!” alert would have been triggered, but the Scorps reference turned it off and now I can’t get “Dude! Awesome!” out of my head.

    • Marion in Savannah

      Ahhh… Another Trump voter no doubt.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    Seriously, why the fuck do the teevee channels put their poor reporters out in the middle of a storm to tell us to stay out of the storm and show us how bad it would be for people to be out in it??? Mariana Artencio is the latest victim of “Don’t do this-it is” on MSNBC.

    • Magyar Has Had It Up To Here

      Thomas Roberts in a wet t-shirt makes me tingly, so shut up about storm reporting ;-)

    • Joe Beese

      They even had Anderson Cooper on rain slicker duty. I figured he was a big enough cheese to opt out.

      • Zombishroom

        Just watch. Kathy Griffin will have to save him and then they’ll be friends again.

    • Wolf Tracker

      Hazard pay is really good.

      Same reason some reporters embed with the military.

      • Zombishroom

        Ignoring the ‘hazard’ part?

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      I know, right. I’m watching her and others and trying not to scream at the TV “get out of there!”

    • Jamoche

      The first one to do it got all the ratings and now they can’t stop.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    Apparently one of the ways the Air Force is looking to hit Donnie Two Scoops boast of cutting $1 billion from the cost of the new Air Force One planes is eliminating its ability to refuel in midair.

    Anyone else see the flaw in this idea?

    • little miss high and mighty

      maybe it’s deep state think in DJT’s case, we mean.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      What could possibly go wrong?

    • jesterpunk

      They also wanted 1 Air Force 1 and a decoy plane which defeats the whole point. Part of the reason they have 2 identical planes is so you dont know which one the president is one and it only gets the call sign Air Force 1 when POTUS is on board.

    • Me not sure
    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Yes. Sooner or later, a foreign country will deny AF-1 permission to land.

    • Three Finger Salute

      He’s suicidal and wants to die in a plane crash, so he can have a yuge gold-plated funeral televised around the world with a biglier crowd and ratings than Princess Diana and Michael Jackson?

    • Doug Langley

      Why, oh why, has this man not won a Darwin award yet?

    • phoenix00

      This is a GREAT idea! Send Drumpf up in said unrefuelable plane,vector him, say, somewhere over the far south Atlantic or Pacific, and simply have him “hold here”. With votes, of course.

  • Strong Wind + Sandy Beaches = STINGY OW OW OW!

    • Canned Covfefe

      LOL!!!

    • Magyar Has Had It Up To Here

      Keep your pants on, sand does NOT belong in some parts

      • GreenGoldSharpie

        But you can’t post in the non-comments with them on….

        • Magyar Has Had It Up To Here

          I think there is a “Sand Exception”

          • GreenGoldSharpie

            I checked the rule book. To allow for fetishes, there is not.

          • Magyar Has Had It Up To Here

            Sand and glitter are excepted for naughty bits exposure

      • Serai 1

        Tell that to Burt Lancaster.

        • BeachBum

          Some people just gotta learn the hard way.

      • Canned Covfefe

        Nor hay from the hay loft. Believe me.

        • Canned Covfefe

          Bot not as bad as poison ivy.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Gadamity’…shouldn’t Al just stop covering hurricanes now?

    https://media.tenor.com/images/15121f33ba285d38c9ae838a918999c6/tenor.gif

    • little miss high and mighty

      why he gits the big bucks

    • SisterArtemis

      Is the second guy there just to hold on to Al? Get inside, guys!!!

      • Serai 1

        Yeah, it might have been a more impressive shot if we couldn’t see the guy holding him up.

      • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

        Talk about low tech! Couldn’t they have come up with a better, more reliable way to keep him stable?

        • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

          You mean like going indoors?

          • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

            That, of course. Or at least at the side of a building blocking the wind for the money shot.

    • Joe Beese

      He has to accept that he doesn’t have as much ballast as he used to.

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        Back in 2005, when he was covering Hurricane Wilma, someone did ask him if he wished he had all that weight back while standing out in the storm. He remarked, “Right now, I think I do!” before being knocked over.

    • Serai 1

      I gotta wonder if Al is doing that because he’s a stubborn cuss or because his producers ordered him to do it. Do weatherman really have egos that big?

      • BeachBum

        I say stubborn cuss.

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      I love the fact that there’s another idiot below him trying to keep him standing. Idiots squared.

    • DerrickWildcat
      • Joe Beese

        “Perhaps you’re wondering why you have two heads…”

      • little miss high and mighty

        Raymond Massey with a suprathoratic upgrade?

        • DerrickWildcat

          Naw, Ray Milland. Lost Weekend guy.

          • little miss high and mighty

            Its the initials and the genrational presca vu (sp?)

          • DerrickWildcat

            I get it.

      • Rachel Book Harlot

        Oh my god, this made me laugh so hard. I’m actually tearing up from laughing so hard.

        • DerrickWildcat

          First thing I thought of when I saw Al Roker. Then by all means see the movie. It will kill you.

      • DerrickWildcat

        Heh, the whole movie is on youtube.
        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BnREGK0jUpI

        • Canned Covfefe

          What’s the movie for of us not in the know?

          • DerrickWildcat

            The Thing With Two Heads. Right above you.
            Rosey Greer and Ray Milland. It’s a hoot.

          • Joe Beese

            The radio ad for it – read by Rosey himself – explained that his character is framed for a murder he didn’t commit. To avoid being executed, he agrees to have his head grafted onto someone else’s body. And that person turns out to be a bigot!

            Comic hijinx ensue as Rosey tries to use this opportunity to clear himself. They/It chase girls, go shopping [sic], etc.

            He promised it was the funniest movie you’d ever see.

          • DerrickWildcat

            I like when he/they are riding the motorcycle.

          • Canned Covfefe

            Now on Netflix que.

          • DerrickWildcat

            It’s on youtube too

    • mfp, all 6s&7s&9s

      shouldnt they all?

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Joe Beese

      It was a race between the correction of the auto-focus and the arrival of the wave and he lost.

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      lol I was watching this live cam yesterday and it’s amazing how many idiots were driving up to take selfies.

    • Serai 1

      So stupid the actual OCEAN slapped the phone out of his hands.

    • Wolf Tracker

      Hope that knocked some sense into him but I doubt it.

      • Rachel Book Harlot

        “Martha let’s go to the other side now. The waves look larger there!”

      • clairence

        “Dude! Totally awesome. Just a few bruises, but totally worth it. Can’t wait to do it again.”

    • DerrickWildcat

      Ya gotta suffer for your art man.

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      By the way, the first thing I did this morning was check on this cam, and it was down. Not a good sign.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Dumbasses on parade today.

  • coozledad

    Weegee Manlove must have read every bit of that Confederacy of Dunces shit. It fucked him up for life.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    We have some Florida refugees here in KY; our state may be run by a shithead reptilian governator, but at least our state parks offered greatly-reduced prices on lodging to anyone displaced by the storm. And there are parts of Florida where it is actually illegal not to be from Kentucky or have family here, so lots of folks are probably sleeping on their cousin’s couches.

    • Wolf Tracker

      Good on ya and I know many homeless Vets will probably head there.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Could be worse……..wait……

    https://media.tenor.com/images/62ba628c759e2091222358ebf8fd6e75/tenor.gif

    (*btw: I know they have gators in TX also/too.)

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      That’s just disturbing.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    Back in the day, the offended rabble used far more advanced grammar.

    • Marion in Savannah

      Back in the day the offended rabble actually studied grammar.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Back in the day, the offended rabble weren’t homeschooled.

  • Serai 1

    Okay, asking for advice, guys!

    I’ve decided I’d like to create a tutorial on how to make .gif files using online apps. I’ve had so much fun FINALLY being able to do this that I’d really like to share. I can write it up and do screencaps and all that, but I’d appreciate some knowledge on the best way/place to present this. Should I put it up on a journal page? What other options are there for something that’s just one page?

    • 52camellias

      The first question is “Who is your audience?” That is, who do you want to have access to your knowledge?

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN
  • Wolf Tracker

    Additional Nuclear Inspectors Sent to Florida Power Plants in Hurricane Irma’s Path

    https://www.yahoo.com/news/additional-nuclear-inspectors-sent-florida-223358357.html

    They escaped the brunt of the storm this time.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Joe Beese

      Is that Mike Patton?

      • Bill D. Burger

        lol

  • Jenny

    HEY HEY HEY! I’m seriously considering an extended wrangler for my dogs! Yeah. Fuck the kids though, they’re getting in the way of my dogs.

    • memzilla Ω

      “If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.” — Mark Twain

      • Three Finger Salute

        He also said that the more he sees of people the more he appreciates his dog. Wise words from Shania’s husband, who wrote the soundtrack to Flashdance.

    • HellhathnofuryDemme

      Is that a two-in-one leash?
      Cause we have one, and it works well.
      (Too bad the extensions that hook up with the dogs are elastic, though. It makes them less “controllable.”)

  • memzilla Ω
    • little miss high and mighty

      NPR’ got these birds in a strawed , but quite sanitary public restroom- staring a themselves in the mirror.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Fabulous birds! And they love playing Pokemon…….I read it on the innertubes’…it’s true.

      https://i.imgur.com/0NysV2K.gifv

      • Wolf Tracker

        “Over there.. no over there… how about there… no there….over there…”

      • Rick Hill

        This always makes me laugh

    • Wolf Tracker

      I had to look twice to see if they had metal legs stuck in the ground and I am still not sure.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      This is how fucked-up I am. I saw that and wondered what the fuck was about this guy leading a bunch of flamingo lawn ornaments down a corridor to a shelter. Then, I finally realized that those were real-live actual flamingos.

      My credulity level has become such that when I see something that at first seems ambiguous, I automatically assume the most ridiculous explanation for what I’m seeing. Occam’s razor goes flying out the window.

      I hate this universe.

      • Joe Beese

        Since I had the same first reaction, I’ll point out that, in a still frame, they look more like ornaments than real animals.

        • Teecha

          The ones which hang out in the mangroves by me look like ornaments. Even when they do that flicky head thing.

        • Tishalicious

          I did too! Before I clicked, I assumed it was someone’s cute PSA.

    • Joe Beese

      As a child of the 80s, for me, the sight of a pink flamingo makes me anticipate a close-up shot of a woman’s ass in a bikini walking away from the camera.

      • commatoes

        Is Jan Hammer playing the soundtrack?

  • Carpe Vagenda
    • alwayspunkindrublic

      I wonder how big his insurance grift for the “damage” on Mar A Lago will be this time?

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Oh, since the feds determine the payout, I’m going to guess they pay for a full replacement and he fixes the shutters. The rich folks in the Hamptons do it all the time.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Should be at least several million in there to commission new Trump portraits, yeah? Oh wait…he’s got his “charitable foundation” for that.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            Well, less than twenty thousand worth of roofing tiles cost $17 million last time.

          • Marion in Savannah

            Don’t forget — gold leaf don’t come cheap.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            Oh, but it does. Much cheaper than cut-priced dun colored marble. That’s the whole point :)

          • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

            But it sure can look cheap.

          • Daniel

            It does when you never pay for it.

          • commatoes

            Real imitation gold leaf? Considering Trump’s love of rococo there might be a world wide shortage. His is the embodiment of a heavy gold chain nestled in chest hair.

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        Not enough to pay off the Russian mob debts.

    • Daniel

      I need some context please! To what was he not invited?

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        The human race?

        • Carpe Vagenda
          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Ahhh… no WONDER he hates Hillz.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            Yep. Which is funny, because she actually went to his wedding. Bill blew it off and toe touched the reception, and he’s the one who was schmoozing Trump for foundation donations.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            One slight of Trump’s exceedingly fragile ego and desperately craved social standing and you’re a mortal enemy. I’m so glad he has the nuclear codes.

          • Three Finger Salute

            He is dangerous, because he’s so petty and immature. He “punished” France by pulling out of the Paris Agreement despite not knowing what it was, just that it had something to do with Paris. Reason: Macron bested him at the handshake at G7. Prior to that, slapped a 25% tariff on Canadian imports because Justin beat him at the handshake first (and Canadians have the damn nerve to “outsmart our politicians”), and bigly because Ivanka wants his hockey stick instead of Daddy’s baby carrot.

            What he’ll do to poor Canada next, now that Justin’s team at the NAFTA negotiations made it a yuge priority for Americans to go full communist and treat their workers like human beings, remains to be seen. We already know he wants to nuke North Korea because Kim is better at trolling 4 teh lulz. Expect next current year to be 1812 once Jeffbo finds out that they legalized “maple leaf” for casual consumption. I’m surprised he hasn’t bombed New York, because the UN is headquartered there and keeps rebuking the current maladministration.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            He’s been punishing the entire fucking country because Obama made fun of him at that Correspondent’s Dinner. His malevolence has no boundaries.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            and Seth Meyers wants Hillary to sit down? Pls.

          • ltmcdies

            Seth Meyers should learn how to read before opening his big yap…like Chris Hayes appears to have

            https://twitter.com/chrislhayes/status/906511541238890496

          • Serai 1

            Gee, who knew a woman who’s written MULTIPLE books on political issues would know how to write a book on a political issue? I mean, IT’S JUST SO WEIRD.

          • commatoes

            Malevolence? I think you give him too much credit. He is more like a monkey throwing fecal extrusions at a wall.

          • Zombishroom

            Upfist cannot express my admiration of your word skills enough.

          • commatoes

            Bill’s mistake. He should really schmooze people with actual money and give to actual causes.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            No, weirdly enough, Trump was so excited about having a former POTUS be his friend (and potentially a future one) that he cut them real checks, and had his kids do it too.

          • commatoes

            I expect that there will only be one or at the very most two. So Dolt 45 really missed out. This is unlike a attending a DJT wedding where you must specify which one.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            Imma go out on a limb and say that Chelsea probably takes the whole for better or for worse thing pretty seriously, under the circumstances.

      • Carpe Vagenda
        • Three Finger Salute

          Says a lot about this country that Jimmy is consistently ranked as one of the worst presidents, while Rambo Reagan is venerated as the fucking American pope.

          Jimmy is obviously a commie, he’s a family friend of the Trudeaus and builds houses for poor people — most recently in Canada. He also made everyone in his cabinet watch “Johnny Get His Gun,” a horrifying anti-war film by blacklisted screenwriter Dalton Trumbo. Red-Baiter Ronnie got wind of that, and made sure to “blacklist” Carter himself.

          “One America” sounds so Marxist. Almost like we’re all human beings who should give back to and help out our fellow people, particularly in times of great need like natural disasters. Blasphemy! Everyone knows the Infallible Gospel of America is that price-gouging and immigrant-persecuting will continue until morale improves!

          • Daniel

            The current Pope is the American Pope.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            I have my reservations about Trumbo – I sort of side-eye anyone who got past the Hitler-Stalin pact and the purges with his faith in the glorious revolution intact – but that was a powerful book.

          • Three Finger Salute

            At least the biopic treated him as a complex individual with numerous contradictions instead of the one-dimensional caricature that America (and what it wants Hollywood to reflect of America) applies to basically anyone to the left of, well, Hitler.

            Walter White minus the meth, perfect casting. Bryan Cranston’s come a long way since he went into dentistry and fake-converted to Judaism just so he could make Jewish jokes with his Jewish clients. WHATLEY!

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XXV3Wpt4KG8

          • Carpe Vagenda

            Oh, I meant Johnny Got His Gun :)

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Those old-school American commies were a real hoot. I think there may be one or two of them still alive…like the Shakers.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            Hell, probably every prominent neoconservative in America has a table full of them for Thanksgiving.

          • Zombishroom

            Like, they’re the main course?

          • Carpe Vagenda

            Nah. They’re the grandparents.

    • phoenix00

      He considers himself a real president?

      https://media.giphy.com/media/rGDHqBXTeudTG/giphy.gif

      • gallbladder

        The Danny Thomas spit take. One can never go wrong.

        • Joe Beese

          I was just going to say that Danny Thomas himself couldn’t have done a finer spit take.

      • commatoes

        El Cheeto™ has made references to “The President” in a number of press conferences. So Kelly must really be taking charge.

        • phoenix00

          Well Bannon is gone…..

  • Jonny On Maui
  • Royal Ugly Globalist Dude

    The lesbian hitler guy actually had a few interesting points, but comparing the editrix to hitler right out of the gate was not the best rhetorical strategy. Then, there was that bit at the end when he brought up the lesbian accusation. And there it is.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Well, he sort of brushed past the point that our popular culture fetishizes what they otherwise treat like pathological aspects of urban folkways, but I think it was by accident.

    • phoenix00

      It is useful to save Godwin’s Law until later. Like dessert for example.

  • SheltonTodd

    Onan The Barbarian

    • Tiny kaiju

      His weapon of choice was an enormous leather dildo.

      • commatoes

        I think that was done in the porn parody.

  • JD Mulvey

    At least they liked your review of Othello!

    Oh wait, that wasn’t by you, Rebecca. Nevermind.

  • Rachel Book Harlot

    Tornado warnings now for some parts.

  • Marion in Savannah

    Disqus be fuckin’ with me. GRRRRR.

    • SisterArtemis

      Disqus always be fuckin with someone. When it really gets bad, it targets all of us at once.

      • Disqys is god??

        • SisterArtemis

          Disqus is minor angel treading close to the edge. God be lookin at YOU, Disqus!

  • Red Richmond

    Overheard on MSNBC, between Brian Williams in the studio and a reporter named Kerry that’s been reporting live from a parking garage roof in Naples for the past couple hours getting increasingly soaked and windswept:

    Studio Tool: “It looks like you’re going to be getting 4 to 6 hours of the eye wall passing overhead.”
    Reporter: “Sounds miserable.”

    • Canned Covfefe

      Oh yes. Thank you, Brian.

    • gallbladder

      “Not good.”
      – Drumpf

    • I have often wondered just what those reporters did to piss off the assignment editors.

      • commatoes

        Like Cooper or Engel in a war zone, you will be on the air with every anchor that day. It is a good way to get every single viewer to know your name.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Remember when Brian Williams reported live from the Great Twister of 1996? First on the scene to get an exclusive interview with Bessie the cow!

      • Tishalicious

        “We’ve got cows”?

        • Marion in Savannah

          From Twister!

  • I blame all of you. I just started Serenity

    • Jonny On Maui

      Movie or meditation?

      • Movie. I am attempting to mainline caffiene, so meditation is right out

        • Jonny On Maui

          An IV rig is a must for caffeine in liquid form…

          • I am looking more along the lines of a diabetic pump. Much more portable

          • commatoes

            I learned to refine pure caffeine in Org. Chem. If ya need a brotha to hook ya up.

            IMHO, transdermal patches are a much better solution.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      We gladly accept responsibility.

    • Bill D. Burger
    • Rick Hill

      Our manipulative programing is finally having results.

    • SisterArtemis

      first time or eleventy-th?

    • Canned Covfefe

      I don’t know why I’ve been saving that one. Maybe because the first time should be special?

      • SisterArtemis

        Don’t forget to use protection— oh, wait…

    • JDM

      Now?

    • commatoes
  • Rachel Book Harlot
    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Probably Obama out on the links, wearing a Trump mask.

      • Rick Hill

        I wouldn’t put it past him

    • Bill D. Burger

      Why…wouldn’t want that …..that could be just fraught with danger today at Mar a lago………oh, he’s not there? OkeyDokey then.

      https://m.popkey.co/13f8f8/Q5LJ5.gif

    • Bill D. Burger

      Bet he’s stocking up on Purell in case he has to touch any of the refugees from Florida for photo ops.

    • phoenix00

      Because Rump is never the bearer of bad news.

    • Canned Covfefe

      To practice being presidential for his next job?

    • ltmcdies

      to be fair, Trump would yada…yada….say something insulting…yada…head to the links.

  • Suttree

    I just woke up for realz.

  • Wolf Tracker

    Car alarms now going off all over Florida. Think I would have disconnected a battery cable maybe but I have never had a car with in alarm.

  • Rachel Book Harlot
    • TJ Barke

      #chinesehoax

    • Wolf Tracker

      Watch that first step!

      That would be some fun hazards in a kayak.

    • Oooo anns twit did not age well at all

  • Wolf Tracker

    Cops have arrested 43 people for curfew violations and the violation reads “Being stupid in a storm”.

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      It’s even more annoying because they are willfully putting the lives of LE in danger. A-holes.

      • Three Finger Salute

        No they’re not. Only black people who pose a direct threat by unlawful possession of Skittles put the lives of cops in danger. These are Real Americans™, who are helping the police stand their ground against ghetto thug rappers named Mutha Nature. Fox and Friends would have reported on these patriotic heroes if it hadn’t been for that liberal traitor fruitcake Shepard Smith getting in the way and interrupting with his New York values of science!

        • phoenix00

          You forgot “Arizona Iced Tea”

          Also: you got me at “Mutha Nature”

    • altleftjohn

      Don’t the cops know this is how Mother Nature thins the herd?

  • Rachel Book Harlot

    In other news, my cat just told me to fuck off and make him a sandwich.

    • Marion in Savannah

      Minced salmon between thin slices of tuna steak?

    • gallbladder

      With or without a beverage?

    • Felines being feline…

    • Bill D. Burger
      • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

        Hahahahaha!

    • phoenix00

      While I know you and your cat are HAPPILY MARRIED I don’t want to know what you two do in bed.

      • Rachel Book Harlot

        We do have some cuddle sessions every morning, but I’m starting to suspect it’s only because he wants me to feed him.

        • Marion in Savannah

          For cats there’s no real interest other than self interest, and I say that with 6 cats.

          • Rachel Book Harlot

            He’s really funny because in the morning he’ll know I’m awake as soon as I open my eyes, and he’ll come running in demanding I get up immediately to feed him. It always makes me laugh. I ask him why he’s yelling at me and then he’ll commence rubbing his face on mine. He’s one smart cookie, that cat of mine.

          • Marion in Savannah

            My little tortie knows when I’m awake, but still have my eyes closed. She’ll very gently tap my eyelids with her paw.

          • Rachel Book Harlot

            Awww! That’s adorable!

          • Marion in Savannah

            She’s maybe the most endearing cat I’ve ever had. But the entire world is her toy, and that can become a bit challenging!

    • alwayspunkindrublic
  • Rick Hill

    Irma has sucked all the water from Tampa’s bay. and, of course, people are out walking in it.
    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DJYXKgUXcAE0EoF.jpg

    • Don’t they realize that water will come back in force?

      • Rachel Book Harlot

        “Hey Eddie, look at those waves heading our way. Let’s see if we can run into them”!

        • Marion in Savannah

          “Wow! Look at those great waves!” [grabs surfboard and rushes off to die.]

          • Rick Hill

            I did see video of someone surfing in about thirty foot waves.

    • Darwin save them!

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        But keep them from breeding.

      • Andy_Kreiss

        Maybe they’re looking for Moses.

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        He had his chance.

    • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

      I wonder if they’ll still be there when the surge comes. I thought I’d like to see them sprinting, but I really wouldn’t wish drowning on them.

      • Rick Hill

        Hopefully it wouldn’t be like an impending tsunami but still, they’re not listening to warnings to not do this

        • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

          David Muir just said it comes rushing in–while the camera was showing a lot of people out walking on the ocean bed.

    • Wolf Tracker

      Not for long. Glub glub….

    • DerrickWildcat

      I would be. Imagine all the cool stuff you could find in there.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        When the returning sea sweeps inland, I’m sure a lot of debris out there will be swept inland for the more intelligent survivors to find. Along with the bodies of the less intelligent unsurvivors.

        • DerrickWildcat

          I could outrun it.

        • Tiny kaiju

          Seagulls gotta eat too, man.

      • little miss high and mighty

        shells, seamens’ lost valuables, hanging chads of Florida, washing to the beach.

        • Tiny kaiju

          Snicker, you said “seamen”.

          • little miss high and mighty

            OK sea persons’ valuables, then
            No semen wasted

        • DerrickWildcat

          I’d be happy with Hot Wheels and marbles.

          • little miss high and mighty

            wonder if any deep sea wonders will wash up in the aftermath or is it aftertrigonomery?

          • DerrickWildcat

            I worry about the fish.

          • theCryptofishist

            I was told there would be no aftermath.

    • Canned Covfefe

      Maybe they’ll be swept out of the gene pool.

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      MSNBC was issuing warnings to these numbnuts.

      https://media2.giphy.com/media/GfAD7Bl016Gfm/200_s.gif

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Paging Doctor Darwin!
      Paging Doctor Darwin!

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Is one of them Hulk Hogan, Brother?

    • Tiny kaiju

      I don’t recall being shown this phenomenon before. Since I live far from any shore, I am ignorant of how the water behaves when it comes back? Is it slowly or all at once in this surge they keep talking about?

      • It is all at once and worsr. Wooosg

        • Tiny kaiju

          That’s what I thought but it’s just so freaky to see the bottom of the Gulf Ike that. I feel like the ocean is hiding behind an island, waiting to jump out and shout BOO!!

          • Rick Hill

            I don’t know the state, I just looked at the map, Tampa is pretty far from Irma, which is still down by the tip

          • Marion in Savannah

            The storm is that big.

      • Marion in Savannah

        Right now on the Weather Channel they’re talking about a 10 to 15 foot storm surge being possible to likely.

        • Rachel Book Harlot

          I watched a video of katrina where the surge took up an entire first floor of a hotel. It’s awful.

      • ltmcdies

        it comes back…quickly….you can’t always out run it.

      • Rachel Book Harlot

        It rushes back in. Here’s a video of the storm surge caused by hurricane katrina:

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Kou0HBpX4A

        • Tiny kaiju

          And the cameraman is just sitting there, watching the water come in around him!?
          FFS dude, drive out of there before you float out to sea instead.
          At 2:54 “you know what? The walls are going to start coming down.” As the room begins to fill with water. A sensible response from his companion would have been “You know what? It’s time to get the fuck out of here before the walls do come down, you idiot.”
          Thank you for this. I never seen this end of a hurricaine before. Our flooding was from too much rain running off the Green Mountains and down Route 100.

          • Rachel Book Harlot

            You’re welcome! That part was amazing, where the water starts to rush that first floor. I would have been absolutely terrified watching that unfold live and in person.

            The guy sitting out in his car was probably a storm chaser. They just interviewed one on MSNBC and he was also sitting in his car shooting video. They are nuts. But interestingly enough, Brian Williams just stated that many of them act as first responders because they are in areas where emergency personnel cannot reach. I thought that was pretty interesting.

    • janecita

      People are abysmally stupid.

    • jowgajen

      When that water comes back, it’s gonna keep going waaaaay inland. Run from the water, hide from the wind.

    • commatoes

      Similar phenomenon occurs with tsunami.

      • theCryptofishist

        Yeah, I hadn’t heard of it in hurricanes, but this California girl was instantly nervous when she saw that phone footage posted somewhere here yesterday.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    It seems like maybe leaving giant construction cranes in place in Miami was maybe not a great idea. But I’m just a fucking liberal, what do I know?

    • They are hard to move, the process is r-e-a-l-l-y s-l-o-w.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        It just sped up…

      • How slow? The had a good what week? Week and a half?

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          IIRC slower than that. The idea was that the booms are free swinging, so they’d spin in the wind instead of acting like a sail. This one broke anyways…

        • jowgajen

          Like three weeks slow. They are a major project to put up AND to take down. That’s why Miami chose to evacuate around them instead.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            a buddy of mine is one of those crane operators- putting them up and taking them down is a major ordeal. I’d hoped that he would say something on Faceplace about Miami, I’ll relay it if he does.

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      The last TV I watched before Sandy took out Lawn Guyland was a shot of a crane on a building in Manhattan breaking and hanging down the side of the building.

  • SheltonTodd

    It’s a loonbat’s characteristic
    When the Shit Fer Brains go ballistic
    Many a fine slob
    Has finished the job
    Yet conservatives are always onanistic

  • Tiny kaiju

    I just finished listening to an extra podcast from On the Media about Brooke Gladstone’s new book The Trouble with Reality”. It was very intriguing and ended on a sort of hopeful note. I fear her proposed solution is too difficult and worse, too slow. It will be too late for our country, our species and our planet by the time enough of people grasp that only some truths are subject to personal opinion.

    • Hopefully, the intelligent roaches who replace us won’t make the same mistakes.

      • Marion in Savannah

        At least they’ll have all that fruitcake to eat.

      • Tiny kaiju

        They will enter into a thousand year war against the raccoons and rats.

        • Finnibar87

          Tomes won’t written about the Great Vermin War, however.

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      Sounds really interesting. I’m going to check out her book.

  • Rick Hill

    Time for some Bowie? Time for some Bowie:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tgcc5V9Hu3g

  • Rick Hill

    So, when Andrew went through Fl, there was a huge amount of mahogany available. From all the downed trees. Is it awful of me to think about this? If it is, just change the timestamp and we’ll say I thought about it during the reconstruction.

    • Canned Covfefe

      Now that you mention it. Mahogany is gorgeous.

      • Rick Hill

        Cuban mahogany. (Insert Homer drooling gif)

        • commatoes

          I love the stuff too. But I wonder if it will be replaced with a more “commercially valuable” tree through replanting.

    • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

      It’s just making lemonade from lemons.

  • TJ Barke

    I like the absolute failure of the flea collar metaphor. Pro tip cartoonist, you cast all business in the state as parasites. Which is apt…

  • janecita

    I watched Bill Maher for like ten minutes, and I was ready to jump on a plane and go find that dumb bitch, S.E.Cupp and slap the living hell out of her! She is such an insufferable asshole! What kind of a fucking name is S.E. Cupp anyway? Those glasses aren’t working, she stil looks like a dumb sack of potatoes!

    • Marion in Savannah

      Sippy Cup is, well, special IYKWIMAITYD.

      • janecita

        Yup, I know exactly what you mean.

      • Picabo

        Looks like we’re dodging a bullet. Irma is headed toward SW Georgia where it is forecast to be a tropical storm.

        • Marion in Savannah

          Tybee may get as much or worse storm surge than Matthew, however. But we do seem to be dodging the really big ammo.

    • altleftjohn

      I think having her on is Bill’s version of Dinner for Schmucks.

    • Finnibar87

      She gets a lot of good will and assumption she is smart with the glasses, apparently.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Oh, just like Oil Slick Rick, the prominent intellectual. Oops.

        https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/cc7a755bf2f4dc9e4bf2abe09778f145263c025854d966eca34a433cd90fa961.jpg

        Guy on right: B.A. in English – McGill University, B.A. in Education – University of British Columbia. Fifteen years as a mathematics teacher at prestigious West-Point Grey Academy in Vancouver. Ten years as Member of Canada’s House of Commons from the Papineau district in Montréal. Currently the Prime Minister of Canada and presumptive Leader of the Free World.

        Guy on left: Grade of D in a class called “Meats” at Texas A&M. Succeeded tumbleweed rancher, baseball-team manager, and Vice President under Dick “Emperor Palpitation” Cheney, George W Bush, as governor of Texas and then lost Republican nomination for president twice. Currently the U.S. Secretary of Energy, a department he once forgot exists. Failed contestant on Dancing With the Stars.

        What can we learn from Rick Perry and Sippy Cupp that Justin Trudeau provides a refreshing exception to? Some people are jackasses even though they wear SMRT glasses. (Apologies to Dorothy Parker.)

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Hard to out-douche Maher.

      • Canned Covfefe

        Well put

      • janecita

        He is the king, but at least he believes that Global Warming is real.

        • Ellie

          But not germs.

          • janecita

            Vaccines are still the devil.

      • little miss high and mighty

        Yeah, Bill says there already is a Palestine state- Jordan!
        He said it just like a Koch or a Bennett.
        Maher needs to decide on consistency in his human rights investiture.

        • janecita

          He loooooves Netanyahu. He was also very supportive of Israel’s last invasion of the Palestinian territories.

          • Three Finger Salute

            He’s onanistic about Muslim-bashing. It’s really too bad that atheists have such dickheads like him and Harris as our living poster children, and then of course the forever stigma of “communism,” which is a bigly yuge part of why an atheist can never get elected to political office in the United States.

            CNN was, for once, doing a good job of demonstrating critical insight into the myriad functions and foibles of various religions with Reza Aslan’s program, but then they went and canned Reza because he insulted Dear Ratings Leader and made Lord Joffrey haz a sad.

            Maher is the TV and “political” equivalent of Stern or even Limbaugh. A pay-cable shock jock who doesn’t deserve the outsized role of “celebrity intellectual” that he gets.

          • Marion in Savannah
          • Three Finger Salute

            On my ever-growing TBR list, along with Democracy in Chains, Hillary and Franken’s books, Barack Obama’s (I don’t think Michelle has a book yet, but I await one) and (the) Trudeaus (they’re all published authors, including Mom — if Sophie writes one I’ll anticipate that along with Michelle’s) and Naomi Klein’s “The Shock Doctrine.”

          • Marion in Savannah

            Hope you’re a fast reader!

          • Three Finger Salute

            I’m average-speed, but I’ve got years on my side.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Like I said….

          • little miss high and mighty

            B.M. is one of those closed-minded, human rights deniers.
            In the influentuial public eye way beyond his expiration date.

        • foreign agitator Captain Kraut

          That’s some rough realpolitik from Bill right there, I’m sure the Jordanians wished it wasn’t so true either.

          • little miss high and mighty

            It is NOT true!
            Whoever wishes it so.
            Palestine is Palestine, Jordan is Jordan.
            Maher needs to wake up.

          • foreign agitator Captain Kraut

            Of course it isn’t. I was not advocating for that thought; it certainly takes a grade A asshole to come to the conclusion that Jordan is a Palestinian state just because there are way more Palestinian refugees in Jordan than native Jordanians. That is still a war crime and has been for decades.

          • little miss high and mighty

            Thank you..
            Nothing will change untill Israel is held to legal international standads
            Just like all the other members of the family of nations.
            the o c c u p a t i o n must end before anything else improves.
            End of blockade,return to1967 borders, 2-state solution refugee probem addressed,release of poitical prisoners, the rights of the 20% Israei Palestinian population for redress and normalicy, legal water and power duistribution, aid to the many disoplaced and suffering due to years of apartheid and oppression.
            Israel is a real ,tough problem for us USAmericans.
            Somebody better come investigate soon.
            Bibi’s statements will be from a jailhouse interview.

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        I notice a lot of his guests give it the old college try, though.

        • Marion in Savannah

          More like the old home schooled try, no?

          • sgt. jmk of the résistance

            That’s MUCH closer to the actual facts, yes.

    • DerrickWildcat

      If she were DD Cupp, she’d have her own show on Fox News.

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        She’s not blonde, so she wouldn’t be in prime time.

        • janecita

          Now she is.

          • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

            She knows what the audience wants.

          • sgt. jmk of the résistance

            OMFG Seriously?

            Ugh the predictable… it burns.

      • proudgrampa

        Ha!

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      The more terrible they are, the more Maher loves them.

    • Royal Ugly Globalist Dude

      Two initials, one cupp.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Pee Pee Cupp. She’ll get along with Trumpp just fine. Also Jeffbo, who I’m sure fantasizes about evil potheads being made to not only take drug tests in exchange for their civil rights but drink it… Not enough to just take the piss out of them, you gotta put it right back in.

    • Serai 1

      I rarely watch the panel portion of that show because there’s always some wingnut idiot spouting stupidity at the top of their lungs.

    • bbayliss

      “Our Lady of the eyebrows.”
      Shave her eyebrows, she has zero affect.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    Looks like Jose is gonna just churn out in the ocean before petering out.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/d21a7361e4a879ca2c856bfee3ef5e076e735a1410d613497ba156c6e7a4a61b.jpg

    • Three Finger Salute

      I guess that travel ban against Mexicans worked /s

    • SisterArtemis

      That would be a big relief.

    • little miss high and mighty

      Maybe he’s afraid of getting turned back at the border like so many other Josès.

    • Chyron HR

      HA HA! I knew it, hurricanes don’t exist, science is a lie! Third time’s the charm.

    • theCryptofishist

      What about Katia? Leonid? Muffin? Nastygram?

      • Marion in Savannah

        She decided to visit Mexico, probably to gawk at the earthquake damage.

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        Katia dispersed over Mexico yesterday. There is another system that has the chance of forming off the coast of Africa – it would become Tropical Storm Lee.

        • Three Finger Salute

          As in Robert E.

          Helluva predictive naming scheme those local weather people have.

          • Bozilingus

            As in Christopher.

          • Marion in Savannah

            Well, I’ve got a cousin (male) named Lee. It’s an old family name.

          • Three Finger Salute

            Yeah, I know. I just thought it was interesting what with Don, a Hispanic guy and a Russian girl all in the same season.

            Maria is after Lee and will probably bring some Hail.

          • Marion in Savannah

            ISWYDT! A most graceful comment.

          • Three Finger Salute

            I’m going to guess it’ll avoid the Virgin Islands…

          • theCryptofishist

            I wish they’d gone with Katiusha for the Russian Gal…

    • Erala Contratista

      HE won’t ask for directions….fffffft.

  • JD Mulvey

    That California flag cartoon is lame. The Bojack Horseman one is waaaaay better.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/632798f255b7fd502c0a52fc9262125291e82a075166dcdfae6575f9522eccf7.jpg

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Coarse And Onanistic

    Oh, yeah? So why did I find this column so difficult to fap to?

    • altleftjohn

      Not coarse enough?

  • Finnibar87

    He says onanistic like that is a bad thing.

  • Msgr_MΩment
    • foreign agitator Captain Kraut

      A good naming system is the basis of every good archive. Well done, pastor!

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Who else’s porn files are on that computer?

        And who has the best porn?

        • Marion in Savannah

          I’m sure the youth minister has a folder of porn.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            It’s part of being youthful…

          • amrak63

            I hope not, but such perverts tend to be over-represented in positions which would provide them access to young people.

      • Three Finger Salute

        📁 Documents
        |__ 📁 Thoughts and Prayers
        |__ 📁 God’s Plan of Action
        |__ 📁 Taxes to Support Community Investment
        |__ ❗️This folder is empty

    • amrak63
      • amrak63

        Of course, there was originally something else on the screen, but the expression on Kagami’s face is perfect for this…

  • CO
    • Rachel Book Harlot

      And no pictures. It’s truly cruel.

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        And he didn’t mention Trump’s name ONCE… how is Donnie supposed to read through all of THAT?

        • Daniel

          “HERE oh, no it says ‘Tr..u…’ that part’s fine, but then there’s… BARRON!”
          “You remember.”
          “TELL ME!”
          “No, dad, you have to do this yourself.”
          “NOT FAIR!”
          “Come on. You know what it is. It’s an…”
          “…EH! EH! IT SAYS EH!”
          “That’s right! Now what’s the word?”
          “TRUMMMMM”
          “NO…”
          “TRU…E…”
          “YEAH!”
          “…”
          “It’s something that’s not a lie.”
          “…I know.”

  • amrak63
  • Royal Ugly Globalist Dude

    I live in California, and I never wait in line at the DMV because I always make appointment in advance (just like it says on the banner). Don’t conservatives believe in personal responsibility?

    • Marion in Savannah

      LOLOLOLOLOLOL….

    • DerrickWildcat

      I’ve never went to the DMV. I already know how to drive.

    • amrak63

      Sure, conservatives believe in personal responsibility–for non-white and/or non-male and/or non-conservative people.

      But I’m guessing RUGD knew that already. ;)

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      I guess I’m one of the rich. I try to get as much of my business done as possible on AAA (as I have a 12 year old heap, I need them) on line, and through the mail. It’s possible never to set foot in a DMV other than for a drivers test if you have a computer.

      • Jamoche

        If you need a temporary handicapped tag, it’s better to show up in person – by the time they process it through the mail, it’s halfway expired.

        • Rebel Scum with permit

          AAA does that. Got mine Friday.

        • Marion in Savannah

          You can get your handicapped sign (we can’t have a handicapped plate, since the car is in my name) renewed on line here.

          • Jamoche

            Mine was non-renewable – I broke my ankle, I needed the damn thing now. Ordered by mail before I was even thinking about driving. A month later, still nothing, so I went to the DMV and got one. Couple weeks later it arrived – a three-month tag with barely a month left on it. Ta everso.

          • Marion in Savannah

            Mr. MinS has a permanent one, due to his COPD. It was a bit of a bitch getting it approved, but his pulmonologist was most helpful.

    • Finnibar87

      Besides, those Soviets were waiting to buy food, not health care or a license to drive.

      • Amy!

        Not unless you can eat knitwear (the sign nearest the entrance says “trikotazh”, which is knitwear, or hosiery, or stockings, or jersey/stockinette, but typically means that this is the door into the department that sells various bits of clothing). Since the people in line are dressed for late fall/early winter, there was probably a local shipment of heavier winter clothing, or hats, or gloves, or coats. Looks early to mid eighties, to my eyes, and that would make sense.

        Anybody could buy the good stuff when it was shipped to the standard department stores. There just wasn’t enough to go around, so people would pass the word and lines formed like magic. Poor country, but the distribution system didn’t involve raising prices on things to reduce demand. Demand almost always outran supply, because poor population and limited production and poor distribution, but when it showed up, you could afford it.

        Or you could have access to the stores that were well-stocked because you had connections (like an important position in the party (lots of people were members, but didn’t have access)).

    • Alex Grey

      I use socialist transportation, so I don’t have to drive.

  • theCryptofishist

    Okay, Weegee Manlove can come here and not make any comments anytime he wants. (As I’m sure it has already been noted, so just put another check mark in the yes column.)

    • amrak63

      Who is Weegee Manlove?

      (Or am I better off not knowing?)

      • theCryptofishist

        One of the shit for brainers above. “You guys are all lah-dee-dah in your own damned existential hooh-hah with roof-tingling mad mulligans and schizofied shenanigans. Who, would you opine, is the better abused substance that tars up the gummery and beats piecemeal puree on this Wonktown train?”
        I don’t understand what it means, but man I love that smooth prose.
        Read more at https://wonkette.com/622738/coarse-and-onanistic-us-a-most-vintage-dear-shit-fer-brains#4PF5cSpQtmzZW04v.99

        • amrak63

          Oh. Somehow I missed the names. Thanx.

          Oh, and Weegee…

          https://i.imgur.com/m8RWNT3.jpg

          • theCryptofishist

            If we could only trade in TLM…

        • Tiny kaiju

          I missed that one. Wow!

          • Marion in Savannah

            Yeah. I think by that point I was MEGO (my eyes glazed over).

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    Can I try my hand at being Supercilious Troll?

    “This ignominious, puerile ‘teenage diary’ is what passes for journalism these days? Enjoy your loutish ultracrepidarian self-satisfied, self-fellating blether because no cultivated professional journalist will take it seriously. I bet you abso-damn-lutely think tmesis passes for witty repartee and your dick jokes are the height of erudite humor!”

    Did I win next week’s shitferbrains? Can haz prize now?

    • Finnibar87

      Needs moar typos.

      • Marion in Savannah

        And CAPS LOCK.

      • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

        Too many multisyllabic words.

      • SprinklemagicResistancebuns

        And ! and ? abuse.

        • Three Finger Salute

          Interrobang libelz ‽

          • Invisible Bunyip

            I love that word.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      You forgot that Jared and Ivanka are privately working behind the scenes to improve the grammar.

      • Three Finger Salute

        #SystematizeTheSynergy

        • Carpe Vagenda

          Well, if you have time after you immanentize the eschaton.

    • altleftjohn

      You win a copy of the William F. Buckley, Jr. Book of Big Words.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      I didn’t see one ümlaut in the entire post…

      • Khavrinen

        Also, too, not Nearly Enough Internal Caps, and, too, many, commas,.

    • HellhathnofuryDemme

      Too many big-boy words.

    • theCryptofishist

      I liked it. Apprentice to Manlove for a few months, and you can be wonkette of my heart.

    • Bozilingus
    • Me not sure

      You left out “Far be it from me to be critical, but…”

      • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

        I find verbal false limbs like “far be it from me” to be sophomoric and periphrastic.

        I am supercilious troll.

        • Skadi

          And you’re so good at it, too!

          (Sorry, had to say it.)

          • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

            My modest composure prevents me from becoming a foil to your belittling sardonicisms.

            I am supercilious troll.

        • Me not sure

          Well, far be it from me to be critical.

  • Juan de Fuca

    “I named my parakeet Onan. Because he spills his seed on the ground.” – Dorothy Parker

  • Pierre_de_Fermat

    JFC.

    And Jose might hit NYC?????

    //twitter.com/krishansonRCF/status/906593836909993984

    • Daniel

      I’m sure if it does hit that all those fine Republicans from Texas who share the pain of being hurricane hit will vote for federal assistance to New York.

    • mackafritz

      One of hundreds of simulations.

      • Marion in Savannah

        And one of the rarest — most of them show him heading much farther east.

      • Pierre_de_Fermat

        Yes, one of many and they will doubtless be revised many times over the next few days. Irma was going to be on Florida’s East Coast, but now is on the West, so Miami was spared the worst. However, this is downtown Miami as of an hour ago…

        The Scene In Downtown Miami pic.twitter.com/Uq6F5SDD1c— Breaking911 (@Breaking911) September 10, 2017

        tps://twitter.com/Breaking911/status/906945495045681153

    • Ryan Denniston

      Can we talk about climate change now, or is it Too Soon?

      • Pierre_de_Fermat

        To quote Pruitt “This is not the time …”
        (JFC)

      • Elendira

        now is the time to talk about Tax Cuts, Ryan … jeez!

  • bbayliss
    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      I will always hate MSNBC for taking her weekday show away and giving one to Megyn Kelly. If they hire Chris Christie (rumor has it they are in talks) I will truly lose my shit.

      • Daniel

        What is actually the point of Megyn Kelly?

        • Marion in Savannah

          Blonde. Tits. Legs. That’s all I’ve got.

          • Bobathonic

            That’s all she has, too.

          • Three Finger Salute

            Nice to see Nothing But Caucasians being not so subtly racist in their employment practices, demoting Joy Reid and also Tamron Hall for a vapid Aryan bimbo. “Liberal” media my ass.

          • Bobathonic

            It’s almost as if their’s some formula they’re chasing.

          • proudgrampa

            That’s all there is. There’s certainly nothing between her ears.

        • rocktonsam

          No point other than if she s bleeding out of her where evers.

      • Three Finger Salute

        They’ll hire him. If only so that sales of 4K TVs can go through the roof. Not so much to fit his girth on camera but his yugely-sized ego.

      • commatoes

        “Lean Forward” was temporary.

    • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

      I like the anti-Hilz backlash I’ve been seeing.

    • BosGrl

      “Don’t call me dear” – I am in love with Joy. Rachel – still have a girl crush on ya, but Joy is my main squeeze.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    I picked up trash at a Sherman Oaks park one year. Definitely felt like it was a productive day.

    And get better soon, Dok!

  • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

    More info on storm surges: TV guy said the storm surge happens after the eye moves out. Emergency services has been sending out texts telling everyone to get to high ground as surge will rush in.

  • Rebel Scum with permit

    Sims like there is also some Sea lioning going on, a term I learned from Jim Wrights blog
    https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sea_lioning

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    IDK WTF you wrote about LACMA, Trix, but it couldn’t have been that bad, and I say this as a museum member FFS.

    EDIT: reading it now. It looks like Janice Dickinson? OUCH!

    …but also funny AF. Fuck the haters.

  • HellhathnofuryDemme

    Trump’s White House is sending nothing but our “condolences” to Mexico.
    (Next, we’ll be sending exposure bucks.)
    http://www.newsweek.com/will-trump-send-aid-mexico-after-deadly-earthquake-661790

    Oregon?
    http://www.oregonlive.com/wildfires/index.ssf/2017/09/oregon_officials_press_white_h.html

    As a Californian, I’d like to see Jerry Brown stepping up.

  • Joe Beese

    Some neighborhood rats were taking shelter in the tangled, late-summer wreckage of our disappointing garden. So I went out bare-chested in the afternoon heat to pull everything up, including the herbs my wife insisted on.

    When I came in, my entire torso reeked of mint.

    • Marion in Savannah

      Sounds like when I have to go out and hack the rosemary back.

      • Daniel

        Female equivalent of Onanism!

        Wait, that’s a discussion elsethread.

      • Juan de Fuca

        You reminded me of what I’m supposed to be doing today. I’ve let some of ours grow to the point where I’m probably going to need a chainsaw and a mini excavator to dig up the roots.

        • Marion in Savannah

          A few years ago our yard man had to bring an ax to get some of ours under some semblance of control. About twice a year I have him trim it with hedge clippers, otherwise we couldn’t get in the front door.

          • Juan de Fuca

            When we first moved into our house, we were so happy to have rosemary planted along the border of our yard. It smells good and we love being able to go into the yard and snip off a piece for cooking every now and then. But we were newbies to actually maintaining the stuff. Last year, I removed all of it from the side yard and it was a nightmare. Those roots are strong!

            Anyway, we left some along the border of our front yard that I’ve been neglecting and am about to pay the price for it through some hard work today. Stuff grows great if you maintain it. Ya think I would’ve learned the first time.

      • Me not sure

        You must come around some time and we’ll hack Rosemary together. Wear black leather.

        • Marion in Savannah

          [waggles eyebrows]

          • Me not sure

            Extra credit for esoteric Groucho reference.✌

      • kareemachan

        I used to have to do that, but we had a rough winter a while back, my rosemary died, and I haven’t been able to get any more to grow. Gawds, I had a HUGE rosemary bush.

        Which made me think of this:

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b9XyhFQeob0

    • Pierre_de_Fermat

      At least it is mint and not that invasive “Korean basil” (which is neither Korean nor basil, but is in the mint family). Although I understand mint can be invasive in some places as well.

      • Marion in Savannah

        So I’ve heard, and I wish it would grow for me, but for some reason it dies like a sprayed roach in my yard.

        • Pierre_de_Fermat

          In Savannah? Any place I saw mint growing in Savannah had afternoon shade and some moisture in the ground (popular place to have it was by an outdoor water spigot on shady side of house). The sandy soil can be rough on mint. Can you grow tomatoes? I think there is something in the soil of a lot of Chatham County that kills the plants.

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        Mint takes things over up here on Lawn Guyland – rumor has it that it will jump out of pots to take over yards – and just never, ever, ever goes away, no matter what you do to it.

        • Pierre_de_Fermat

          Yeah, I bet it does. Good soil (glacial moraine, I believe), good climate for it. Of course, that far north, poison ivy will probably grow in full sunlight (the way it does on the islands in L Michigan), so you have other problems as well.

          The “Korean basil” I am battling is actually “Perilla frutescens” and is used in Korean cooking, but I believe it originated elsewhere.
          https://www.maangchi.com/ingredient/perilla-leaves

          Does not overwinter here, but reseeds like crazy.

          https://www.invasiveplantatlas.org/subject.html?sub=3413

          • commatoes

            I am Korean and the only member of my family that hates the stuff.

          • Pierre_de_Fermat

            No true Korean …
            Actually, supposedly it is from SE Asia but got to Korea. Now it is in the old pasture behind my place …

          • commatoes

            The Japanese name for it is shiso and I had it there in tempura.

          • commatoes

            I also hate golf, fishing and K-Pop. I have been ostracized by the people.

          • sgt. jmk of the résistance

            That’s TWO terminal moraines! Just one wasn’t good enough for us!!

            I’m on the north shore, so we have alternating bands of clay and sand, but in between is some good soil, and my gawds, poison ivy does grow here… luckily, I’m not allergic, but it’s everywhere.

          • Pierre_de_Fermat

            Almost everyone is allergic to it, or becomes allergic to it. When my sister lived in CT she got into it so badly (gardening) she had to go to the hospital. I’ve seen hillsides covered in it on L Michigan …

          • sgt. jmk of the résistance

            We’re not allowed to burn leaves on Long Island because too many people were carelessly burning poison ivy.

            My aunt – who is extremely allergic – spent over a week in the hospital when she was a kid because the guy next door burned poison ivy and she got it all over the inside of her mouth and throat and down her trachea.

          • Pierre_de_Fermat

            Up there, with “attenuated” sunlight, poison ivy will grow in an open field. You’d almost never see that down here in GA (that supposedly may slowly change with increased CO2), so the stuff can be growing in a lawn and not be detected. My sister up in CT got into it often enough because she loved gardening and it would be in the garden.

        • Erala Contratista

          It doesn’t jump out of pots.
          It strews is boistrous seeds enthusiastically and they all germinate.
          A 10 year drought solved that.

      • Erala Contratista

        Everywhere but the Mojave, I know from long experience.
        Also, do not plant horseradish.

    • rocktonsam

      If you skin reeked of mint better hydro cortisone cream at the ready

    • Skadi

      Some people would find a bare-chested guy with a minty, herby smell kind of appealing. Just sayin’. *innocent whistle*

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      *inhales deeply, eagerly licks your skin*

    • Master Contrail Program
  • Baconzgood

    You know the hallmark of a good boss is being able to do every job better than the staff…

    Uh….um….you have a pretty daughter and she’ll make a great aunt.

  • Ryan Denniston
    • Khavrinen

      “While he and perhaps the overwhelming majority of the people in his Facebook group may be in on the joke, not everyone necessarily will be. Even if just one or two people take it seriously, the consequences may be deadly.”

      AKA “Poe’s Law”. No matter how incredibly obvious a “joke” is, there WILL be people dumb enough to take it seriously.

      • Three Finger Salute

        The Dunning-Kruger Act of 2016 is what led to the Poe-Godwin Laws replacing the Constitution.

        • Marion in Savannah

          Future history…

      • kareemachan

        And some people just can’t wait to have a “reason” to fire their gunz.

    • WeaselPoo

      Umm …not to sound smug but i pretty much predicted this yesterday or the day before. I will see if I can find the comment.
      I think the origin of this reporting points to someone actually making a joke—but it appears law enforcement is well versed in Florida Man antics and thus are duty bound to warn Florida Man to not be as stupid as usual.

      • WeaselPoo

        Past experience tells me that just before or during or just after this hurricane Florida Man is going to shoot something or someone or some animal or himself or 3 put of the four, for some stupid Florida reason. An ATV or jet ski might feature in it somewhere.

        From the Holy Shit Don Jr Lies post.

  • ZangoCrudmonger
  • Ryan Denniston

    Chris Hayes got himself deployed to Naples? Wut?

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    the California Policy Center, and it is ALL ABOUT “exposing unions” and ragging on “government.”

    Another RWNJ group ragging on California and desperately trying to show that the state is FALLING APART!!! eh?

    http://25.media.tumblr.com/fd7eff1883725334383fdb3d4e1ad5f2/tumblr_muhhokhhCm1scfytmo1_400.gif

    • Jamoche

      Yep, I look around Silicon Valley at all the buildings that are still vacant 8.5 years after the RWNJ stepdad said it would be 4 years until things would even start to get better… oh wait, they started filling up in 2009.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      That’s why so many rich people live in CA., because it’s such a hellhole. People leave because they can no longer afford the rent, because it keeps going up, because nobody wants to live in CA.. Jesus, these people are dumb.

      • Pierre_de_Fermat

        Yeah. It’s as if people aren’t paying any attention to what they are saying.

  • Tiny kaiju

    Unrelated to Joy Reid’s epic shade throwing but in the comments (see below for that thread)

    KathleenM1 MaureenMower Sep 10 · 02:34:14 PM
    Brian Williams just narrated over a shot of flooded streets in downtown Miami and, in the most serious tones, informed us that ‘it doesn’t typically look like this on a normal work day’.

    high uintas KathleenM1 Sep 10 · 02:38:40 PM
    I really think he was snarking when he said that.

    mittenstheunrulykitten high uintas Sep 10 · 02:41:21 PM
    Yes, his snark delivery is so dry and subtle it can fly right over one’s head

    KathleenM1 high uintas Sep 10 · 03:15:07 PM
    Really hard to tell, given that it was delivered in the same insufferably pompous voice he always uses. But good to know Mr Mansplaining can turn a national disaster into a snark opportunity.

    • BosGrl

      I don’t hate Brian Williams. I think his humor *is* really dry and his voice isn’t unpleasant, especially when you’re listening to weather porn for hours and hours.

      • Rachel Book Harlot

        I actually think he’s doing a great job. I’ve watched some of the other anchors on MSNBC covering this earlier, and they were terrible.

        • proudgrampa

          He’s a lot more fun than Weather Channel.

        • Tiny kaiju

          I know this is mean and I kind of like Chris Hayes, but I sort of want to see his glasses blow off and float away.

          • Marion in Savannah

            Awwww… If the poor thing is like me before I had cataract surgery I had to use a cane and a dog to find my glasses in the morning.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I like BriWi, his appearances on liberal comedy shows are always funny, and self deprecating. I think people hate him because he’s so pretty.

        • Tiny kaiju

          Or they don’t pick up his Sahara level of dry delivery.

    • Juan de Fuca

      Give it two weeks and he’ll be talking about how he helped secure the broken cranes on top of the buildings.

  • thegirlwiththekittentattoo

    Damn, Rebecca. I cannot express how much your scathing criticism of LACMA means to my cold embittered heart (which happens to be the victim of a career in curating contemporary art). Here in San Francisco, SFMoMA is the primary target of my ire. These institutions deserve much more criticism than they receive for promoting bad art, stupid ideas, and eagerly fellating a specific set of arts professionals (with exhibitions!), plus far more reasons than can be expressed in a single internet comment. I already loved you, but after reading that, I rightfully claim the title of BIGGEST FAN EVAR.
    P.S. I kinda like the Chris Burden installation tho.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Driving behind the worst/best white trash hooptie shitwreck of all time…no bumper, trunk lock sprung, the muffler tied on with orange Home Depot nylon twine but still bouncing off the pavement. Un-ironically emblazoned on the rear window: Pimp My Ride.

    • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

      Oh, for a picture, but your description is great.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Right? Unfortunately, I have a crappy flip phone…only marginally better off than the guy in front of me.

        • tehbaddr

          Flip phone? Where the hell did you hold of such an antique?

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            My free Obamaphone never arrived as promised.

          • tehbaddr

            Follow up an that, my dog does it have a color screen at least?

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Pffft. That would’ve been, like, a dollar extra.

          • CindyinEncinitas

            You’re driving?

          • Shanzgood

            I have one gathering dust somewhere at home.

          • tehbaddr

            Oh, I might have one, also a slider too!

    • Three Finger Salute

      No truck nuts?

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      A few years back I was stopped at a red light behind this car with one of those huge exhaust pipes and a badly bolted-on spoiler. After a moment, I thought “This guy is trying to look so badass. Too bad he’s driving a Ford Tempo.”

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        It is ever thus with this mentality.

      • commatoes

        I had one bestowed to me in HS. A POS but I was able to do most of the work myself.

        PS I saw some guy from England that had sunk a huge amount of money to get an old Ford Fiesta with 15″ subwoofers, worst body/bumper kit on the planet, and with the worst obnoxious day glo green paint job.

    • Marion in Savannah

      It’s pretty much the same here — the pimpier the wheels the more of a shit box the car is.

      • commatoes

        A buddy of mine (non car guy) wanted to do the exact opposite. Beautiful car with a bad primer spray job and intentional dents in every body panel. He liked to f**k with people that way.

        • Marion in Savannah

          I like the way he thinks!

  • Nounverb911
    • Amy!

      Did they have to go around to all the yards in the suburbs to collect them?

    • Bill D. Burger

      Just wait til’ they try to herd the big cats …. hooo boy!

      https://i.imgur.com/Yj9Xe2A.gifv

      • Marion in Savannah

        God, how I loved that commercial!

    • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

      I guess the hurricane takes a toll on the wildlife, too. That’s sad.

      • Canned Covfefe

        Who’s rounding up the alligators? And snake’s? Oh my.

      • Pierre_de_Fermat

        Well, there are the pythons …

        • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

          It took a while for that to sink in! Yeah, their loss would not be sad.

  • bubbuhh

    Wise men say when surge rush in eye can’t stay gotta roll on through

    Yesterdayz FEMA finally added a rumor control page to its site. It’s addressed the Phony Homeland Security Investigators; but hasn’t breasted the whacko sheriffs checking papers or shooting the hurricane in the eye rumors. Wait! Whacko Sheriffs checking papers is an ackshul thing. Does that belong on a rumor control page or on Wonkette?

    https://www.fema.gov/disaster/4332/updates/rumor-control

  • Bill D. Burger

    Pastor Gas had a secret….and digital God revealed it.
    Pssssst…..You always label that folder “recipes”. You deserve to get caught.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DJYc_6XUQAAsrmq.jpg

    • The Wanderer

      PLEASE tell me that is not Photoshopped, PLEASE!

      • Jamoche

        It pretty much has to be – most obviously, if a PC in kiosk mode flipped back to normal, you’d see the whole desktop.

      • Bill D. Burger

        I’m not sure. I’ve seen the pic. but no details. It’s recent and will undoubtedly show up if it’s real. I notice the file is empty. Perhaps he deleted the contents, but not the folder. lol

    • BosGrl

      Looks like someone doesn’t like the pastor. I mean, who labels a folder like that? Years ago, the Methodist church in my hometown had a pastor everyone loved. The church secretary was older and not really computer savvy but somehow managed to find the pastor’s stash of child porn hidden on the hard drive. The whole story was squashed, pastor left, and I have no idea what happened after that.

  • sosuume
    • Amy!

      That one works better than the original, with the two fit emergency workers counterbalancing Trump. This one has better balance. If the boat capsizes, you know it’s gonna roll to the right.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I love Chris Christie relaxing, while someone drowns, seems about right.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Corrected caption: “That’ll be 60 bucks.”

  • The Wanderer

    Irma is being blamed for the first two mainland US fatalities. A Florida High Patrol trooper on his way home collided head-on with a car driven by a Florida Department of Corrections sergeant on his way in to work. They both leave behind families.

    • bubbuhh

      Wuz Irma drivin on the British side uv the road?

      • The Wanderer

        Irma takes all sides of the road.

      • theCryptofishist

        Women drivers, AIR?

    • BosGrl

      Brave guys. Sorry for their families.

  • gallbladder

    ***—//THIS IS A TEST OF THE EMERGENCY BLIND FAITH SYSTEM\—***

    “Who’s with me?”

    ***—//THIS CONCLUDES OUR TEST OF THE EMERGENCY BLIND FAITH SYSTEM\—***

  • memzilla Ω

    And now, for your dining and dancing amusement: CATROBATICS!
    . https://twitter.com/TheFigen/status/906952668052062208

    • Bill D. Burger
      • Rachel Book Harlot

        Do you think the bird put the dog up to it?

        • Marion in Savannah

          Well, the dog probably read its tweet.

        • Kiri the Unicorn

          No collusion. No collusion. You’re the collusion.

      • bubbuhh

        how many catz landed on the dog?

      • DerrickWildcat

        This is the difference between a cat and a dog in a nutshell.

    • Canned Covfefe

      Pfft that’s just one of those wind up thingys from Cracker Barrel.

    • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

      Big Kitty just baffled Little Kitty.

      • Elendira

        Little KItty: Mind Blown!

    • TJ Barke

      His cat fu is strong.

    • Tiny kaiju

      That kitten knows how to do Kung Fu, with its mind!

  • memzilla Ω

    O/T Nice Time: so yesterday was my mumpty-mumph birthday, and my landlord got me a New Kitchen!

    Solid walnut cabinets (not a speck of particleboard), new countertop and
    sink, new tile backsplash, new toaster oven, new black glass ceramic
    two-burner stove (under the toaster oven), and a new fridge. Hey, it
    ain’t Cordon Bleu, but I ain’t Gordon Ramsay, either.
    . https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/1f7466a9381dd05e6ca0d7c474af4b0a2eda8793bf2f431a4c56998b96cb03dd.jpg

    • gallbladder

      Happy belated B-day!

      • Beanz&Berryz

        I think the Birthday was on time… :)

        • gallbladder

          Clever, you.

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      Nice! Congrats and happy birthday!

    • BosGrl

      Wow! Nice!!

      Happy birthday! :)

    • Canned Covfefe

      Great!!! Happy mumpty-mumph also too!

    • Me not sure

      When’s dinner?

    • Marion in Savannah

      Wow! Nice landlord, and happy birfday.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Happy B’lated Day!

    • bubbuhh

      gonna be hard to cook on that stove.

      • Marion in Savannah

        You’d be surprised what you can accomplish in a tiny kitchen. Take it from a former NYC resident.

        • bubbuhh

          with all that stuff piled on teh stove?

          • memzilla Ω

            The toaster oven is moveable.

          • Marion in Savannah

            It took me a second look to figure that out!

    • Zyxomma

      Happy belated birthday, memzilla omega! Blessings throughout the year.

    • commatoes

      I had almost the exact same layout in my last apartment. I sprung for a bigger oven.

      I used to be able to cook for four people in that kitchen.

      Happy B’day!

    • Tishalicious

      The finish on those cabinets is stunning!

    • Kiri the Unicorn
    • janecita

      Happy Birthday! That’s a very nice looking kitchen. My cabinets are the same exact color.

    • amrak63
    • phoenix00

      And many more!

    • Naytch

      I’ll stop by for coffee!! That Black Silk is pretty ok!!

  • Three Finger Salute

    You gotta be really desperate to go from a flooded swamp to a brothel that reeks of pee.

    “You either help or you turn your head”: Florida residents facing Irma’s destruction demand Trump open Mar-a-Lago as a shelter

    “Good luck to you and yours” -Trump

    “Fuck you and up yours” -Everybody else

  • Bill D. Burger

    Oh yes! THE attention whore extraordinaire has chimed in.

    https://twitter.com/AnnCoulter/status/906876843667619840

    Oh Ann….

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DJXpnwOXkAEW56E.jpg

  • bubbuhh

    Time to open the hurricane emergency booze. This is as bad as itz going to get in Broward County and the drinkin needs to drunk before it gets spoilt.

    • Ryan Denniston

      You crack those beers open on the second floor.

      • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

        And stay away from the windows and balcony.

    • Suttree

      May your beer stay cold, and your ice stay frozen brother!

    • Marion in Savannah

      Lifting one in your direction — stay safe and well.

    • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

      Bourbon and storm surge. Yummy!

    • Suttree

      I have lived through a hurricane on these tasty nom noms. I cannot eat them any more though! https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/d1f6a7be718cb341b58581987e05cf2bb7ba1f89ef1f554182e4d4c828772c98.jpg

    • commatoes

      Stay safe.

      If you need a liver, I have been drinking for two for the last ten months. I can hook you up.

  • Resistance Fighter Astraea
    • Ryan Denniston

      It’s a mystery he doesn’t get along better with McCain.

    • janecita

      Why don’t they tell the truth, Trump lost interest in the middle of the meeting. He wanted to be somewhere else, and let the Democrats walk all over him.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Why don’t they tell the truth

        I’ve long ago given up trying to figure that out

    • Bill D. Burger

      Fuck that ‘maveriky’ indep. shit. He’s a Republican. He’s registered as a Repuke; he was was elected as a Repuke. They own him.

    • TJ Barke

      Pivot! Get your presidential pivot here!

    • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

      Trump did what makes Trump look good. McConnell and Ryan couldn’t do it, so…

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        he got bored, let the Dems BS him and flatter him into a bad deal that he could declare victory over

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      They never learn, do they?

      • Resistance Fighter Astraea

        I think they’ve actually gotten worse.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Trump doesn’t have any core principles, you fools.

      At least, none beyond “come out on top, and screw the other guy”.

      • Three Finger Salute

        “”come out on top, and screw the other guy”

        That’s what Vlad said?

    • phoenix00

      One facepalm for each of these lapdancing dunces.

    • Covfefe

      I’m The Lone Ranger myself. A loose canon on the deck of a ship, rolling unpredictability with the waves, isn’t actually an independent.

      • Marion in Savannah

        Loose canons can be dangerous — ask the Pope.

  • jowgajen

    Ladies and gentlemen, Ms. Kristen Bell with accompaniment:

    https://www.facebook.com/100014588641919/videos/271276630035290/

    Apparently she’s filming in Florida and she and the film crew are being regular champs and helping out where they can:
    http://www.eonline.com/news/878998/kristen-bell-performs-for-families-at-hurricane-irma-shelter-and-helps-jennifer-carpenter-s-loved-ones-escape-storm

    • Juan de Fuca

      She seems like a classy lady in addition to being a damn good actress.

    • proudgrampa

      Sweet, beautiful, talented, and CLASSY.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Breitbart’s response:

      “Another Hollywood libtard pandering to the Al Gore cult! FAKE NEWS!”

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • Juan de Fuca
    • Rachel Book Harlot

      Poor little guy. Glad he made it across the street okay.

    • gallbladder

      That cat has more sense than most humans I know.

  • Suttree

    I even had dreams about hurricanes last night. Not Katrina because I was not there. i was there for Rita and Ike.

  • Three Finger Salute

    Tragic situation happening south of the border as well, and of course El Jefe Covfefe doesn’t care.

    Live updates of 8.2 earthquake aftermath in Mexico: Latest reports indicate that at least 90 are dead, with more fatalities likely to be registered

    Irma also having a horrible impact on the Caribbean. 21 photos from Cuba showing storm’s devastating effect

    This is why “globalism” and “cosmopolitanism” don’t (or shouldn’t) make you an enemy of the state. Globalism is simply another word for humanity. Mexican and Cuban lives matter, whether the deplorable America Firsters and our increasingly isolationist right-wing media complex want to admit it or not.

    • Bill D. Burger
      • Three Finger Salute

        Busque a los ayudantes.

        (Look for the helpers.)

    • phoenix00

      The Mexicans offered to help with Hurricane Harvey relief. Everything’s-Bigger-Including-Our-Asses Texas turned it down.

      • Three Finger Salute

        I think Panika said that they either went in anyway regardless of what Gov. Wheels wanted, or even he buckled and accepted help from the Mexicans, then rolled quietly away to beg forgiveness from the holy god of the profits. I do recall that a mayor of one major city — San Antonio I think? — told the Quebecers to send “thoughts and prayers” and nothing else. Joke’s on him, Quebec is full of liberal Catholics, atheists, and (gasp) MUSLIMS. He should have accepted the aid, at least it’s non-denominational.

        • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

          i believe panika was saying that send only thought and prayers thing was because their warehouses were full. THey had no space to actually store anything sent. (which appears to be a problem in these types of situations. $$$ are best).

        • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

          Do the Evangelicals think they are attacked with religious juju if find out that the Muslims and non-Christians have been praying for them? Do they do exorcisms or counter-prayers to combat it?

        • phoenix00

          Hey most of us here wonder what Quebec is good for besides “thoughts and prayers”. Ok maybe poutine, maple syrup, and smoked beef sandwiches, but that’s ABOUT IT.

  • Rachel Book Harlot

    One of MSNBC’s reporters on the street just had a tree branch fall right behind him. Dude, get the hell out of there.

    • 3FingerPete

      Fox has its guy just standing out in the middle of the street. He’s run out of things to say. He’s just standing there.

      • ltmcdies

        if only they’d all run out of things to say

      • Rachel Book Harlot

        lol MSNBC just had one guy holding up a palm tree branch to show us the power of wind.

        • akryan

          I’m actually sort of amazed at how the palm trees have evolved to withstand these types of winds. you see them sway and bend, but for the most part they’re staying up.

      • kareemachan

        Well, we are talking about (I’m assuming) a Florida Faux Noise guy. He’s probably trying to think of a way to tie this to Obama.

  • Picabo
  • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

    Wee gee Manlove: Best Show Tunes cover band ever!

  • Tiny kaiju

    Reposting because both Ross Douchehat and Invanka have bad ideas and should feel bad.
    https://www.nytimes.com/2017/09/09/opinion/ivanka-trump-ideas.html

  • BosGrl
    • gallbladder

      Fucking dust particles…

    • Daniel

      Bloody empathy.

  • BadKitty904

    Today’s obscure Ray Harryhausen joke:

    First of Earth-men, welcome on the Moon.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/059d6eb345ef43f2d56ffbae34f999418dda6090f7c95b4506d2fd73b4fdc58f.jpg

  • Bill D. Burger

    Only way they could get Turnip’s attention for more than a few seconds at a time.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DJX07QOX0AAOasf.jpg

    • Ryan Denniston

      What, “the yuuugest storms, simply the greatest storms that we’ve seen in a very long period of time, and by the way, Florida was expected to be won by the Democrats, but they lost Florida very very badly” isn’t enough to attract his attention?

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      The Golden Ass literally needs someone to draw him a picture. The simpler the better, with attention-holding colors.

  • bubbuhh
  • ltmcdies

    It’s really hard to decide who is the dumbest in the White House..

    https://twitter.com/mattmfm/status/906969036197679104

    • phoenix00

      Or who’s the slimiest and the lieiest?

      • Tishalicious

        I know! I know! AOT,K

    • gallbladder

      But it’s a video, so it must be true!

    • Rachel Book Harlot
  • Carpe Vagenda
  • Bill D. Burger
    • Bill D. Burger

      Remember the old movie The Day After Tomorrow?
      Seems prophetic, huh?

      https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DJYWgESVwAAQHq-.jpg

      • Me not sure

        Never seen it. I’ll watch it tomorrow and get back to you on Tuesday.

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        dammit, shoulda scrolled down.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Illuminati conspiracy:

        those hurricane shapes look like 6 6 6

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      Fake News!

    • Ryan Denniston

      You know, all those storms did originate off the coast of Africa, the very same place Obama was borned. It’s possible that his weather machine and his time machine are located in Western Sahara.

      • Bill D. Burger

        Shariacanes!

      • ltmcdies

        not buying this theory unless Irma takes out Mara Lago.

        • Ryan Denniston

          Well. Trump didn’t take out Obamacare, so maybe there is some sense of fairness in this conflict.

      • BosGrl

        Damned Cassadines…

    • tehbaddr

      It’s god’s wrath on the libtards, LGBT, people of color, intellectuals, non-patriots and all of those “other” people!!111!!!111!!!!!!11!!!!

      • Ryan Denniston

        Let’s see, Mar-a-Lago, hurricane Jose possibly headed to Trump Tower. Anyone else wonder if Trump owns property in Houston?

        • tehbaddr

          He really doesn’t “own” anything I suspect, places just have his name on it, and he’s way overdrawn, thus the Russians.

        • Doug Langley

          Who cares? He’ll just say he does and file a mega-million dollar insurance claim.

      • Three Finger Salute

        It hit Cuba as retaliation for Justin Castreau putting communism into NAFTA. That’ll learn those heathen liberals in their igloo mosques for trying to commit sin against the holy Profit.

        “Praise be to the Gipper our God.” -His Royal Anus Fucker Carlson

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      i downloaded this last nite – it’s apparently a still from the Day After Tomorrow
      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/16fdb75e76d25106000b8cb244b92027f885571379a35440ae76804e78f069ba.jpg

      • Tiny kaiju

        Choreographed weather?! That’s definetly a real Agenda 21/ Illuminati project!

  • Tiny kaiju
    • Bill D. Burger
      • Three Finger Salute

        Protection and servitude will continue until morale improves.

    • jowgajen

      It’s horrible that this may have happened.

      But this is terribly spun. The alleged offenders are minors. The cops have no choice but to follow the law and keep the juvenile offenders names confidential. I presume that’s what the article means by “protecting”, because the police also have no choice but to protect the juveniles from vigilante justice.

      • BosGrl

        In the story I read yesterday, the family and others were saying that they thought this was the time for the community to have a conversation about race. The population of that town is like 4% black so of course nobody in the town thinks there’s a problem. It’s never the time to discuss anything anymore, apparently.

        • jesterpunk

          There is always time to talk about economically anxious Trump supporters and why they are so sad all the time.

      • Tiny kaiju

        True. The second article makes it sound like they are trying to keep the whole thing as quiet as possible for other reasons as well. After all it wouldn’t do to admit NH is full of fascist, libertarian assholes after all.
        I imagine this will be spun as “youthful indiscretion” or “Boys being boys” with the victim being portrayed as going along with the “game” until he got hurt.

        • Three Finger Salute

          Yeah, Gadsden country might be that part of New England that shouldn’t secede to Canada. Apparently Maine is kind of obnoxious too. They elected LePage, after all.

    • janecita

      Why didn’t the woman that was present try to stop the fucking, little monsters? What the fuck is wrong with people?

      • Tiny kaiju

        Based on the second article, I’m not sure any adults actual saw it. I think maybe she was the first person that the little boy talked to afterwards.

        • janecita

          I just read the second article, and the woman wasn’t mention at all. I think that the first story is just badly written.

    • jesterpunk

      The police chief doesnt want to offend the future republican party leaders.

      • Tiny kaiju

        Yup. Those kids might grow up to fund NH’s government by paying taxes on their Coors and Jack Daniels.

        • jesterpunk

          They won’t pay taxes, that is only for the poors. They have future republican leadership written all over them. They will be in charge of minority outreach just like the claw hammer guy is uncharge of women’s outreach.

          • Tiny kaiju

            There are no taxes in NH except for on alcohol and probably cigs. How they have managed to maintain the roads I can’t imagine. Most likely if they graduate high school they will end up being local cops too. Although I think you’re right in that at least one of them will get elected to the State Legislature.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Jamoche

    It was fun while it lasted…
    https://arstechnica.com/science/2017/09/experts-are-extremely-dubious-about-the-voynich-solution/

    Last week, a history researcher and television writer named Nicholas Gibbs published a long article in the Times Literary Supplement about how he’d cracked the code on the mysterious Voynich Manuscript. Unfortunately, say experts, his analysis was a mix of stuff we already knew and stuff he couldn’t possibly prove.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Even better: It’s basically the medieval version of Our Bodies, Ourselves.

      Which means there’s a chance it’s anonymous because a woman might have written it. Women weren’t supposed to read, let alone write.

  • I don’t know about you guys, but I’mma sit here and contemplate Trix’s existential hoo-hah.

  • clubseal

    Hmmm, they’re referring to prosperity and businesses as blood sucking insects in that cartoon. I think maybe they’re not as smart as they want us to believe.

    • Me not sure

      Metaphoring is hard.

    • theCryptofishist

      Not to mention that Betsy DeVos would want us to strangle the bear harder.

      • Marion in Savannah

        I thought we were supposed to carry guns to shoot the bears.

        • gallbladder

          Odd…I thought we were to strangle our guns.

          • Three Finger Salute

            No, you’re supposed to bare your arms. Unless you’re Michelle Obama, in which case you have to wear a burqa to stop Barack Hussein Obama from making us all wear burqas.

            (Logic.exe has stopped working. Abort, retry, fail, or AOT,K?)

        • phoenix00
        • theCryptofishist

          I think she wants to be ready to perform all sorts of bear deaths.

  • ltmcdies

    just saw this on my tweeter feed…I hope all Wonketeers in affected areas inFlorida are safe

    https://twitter.com/EElwellWHIO/status/906959849778548736

    • theCryptofishist

      I hope that the fine folks in NOAA are safe, also, too.

  • Suttree

    I really feel for our Texas folks. I have been though many a hurricane in Louisiana..

    • gallbladder

      I just ordered 12.

      • Gee, thanks. Now, I can’t get mine for weeks.

        • gallbladder

          I’ll share. Will 12 do?

      • CindyinEncinitas

        If you don’t keep it all the way full of water he will suffer from male pattern baldness.

        • gallbladder

          Just posted same above. XD

          • CindyinEncinitas

            I had an Elvis one and I got to see what he would look like if he made it to 70.

          • He did. He’s living in a nursing home with black JFK

        • Three Finger Salute

          Then it’ll be a Richard Simmons Chia Head.

          I remember an episode of Tiny Toons where Babs was babysitting this really bratty bunny who wailed and wailed until she made a “mashed potato person” like mom did — then wailed some more because she didn’t also make “pasketti” to use as hair for the mashed potato person.

          Babs’ response? “It’s a Sinéad O’Connor mashed potato person!”

          Most 1990 thing ever.

    • jowgajen

      Do you think it will grow well enough in artificial light, say in an office?

    • janecita

      Don’t you like happy little trees?

      • Three Finger Salute

        Happy little trees?

        No wonder Attorney General Custard hates PBS.

      • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

        Remember, it’s YOUR world!

    • Suttree

      I will just remember him through my childhood watchings of PBS.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Kids of tomorrow won’t know what PBS is, sadly.

    • Three Finger Salute

      It’s just Chia seeds though, not the kind of stuff that would really enhance a viewing of the Bob Ross show…

    • Bill D. Burger

      My Mother called Rossi her “…afternoon valium.” and loved that little show.

      http://i.imgur.com/0MSepbO.gif

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        When I worked nights at the IRS, I used to work OT til 3 am, on Friday nights, and go back in for 8 hours of OT, from 6am to 2pm, on Saturdays, which would get me home just in time for Bob Ross. I’d turn on the TV, put my jammies on, climb into bed, and let Bob tell me nice naptime stories about happy little trees in my world.

    • bubbuhh

      Almost like he painted it hissownself

    • akryan

      have you ever actually tried to grow a chia pet? they suck. they never come in like the picture shows

      • gallbladder

        I bet we’d enjoy greater success with the male pattern baldness chia pet.

        • Jamoche

          Ooh, I want a Jean-Luc Picard chia pet.

          • Marion in Savannah

            Now THAT one would be easy to take care of!

          • gallbladder

            No seeds included.

        • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

          Brazilian Wax Chia Pet?

      • Tishalicious

        Next you’ll be telling us Sea Monkeys don’t really wear crowns… *sniffle *

      • Mysterious Masked Wrestler

        Not surprised. I had some dinosaur toys that were supposed to grow in water when I was a kid, but it never worked.

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      True story:

      Christmas Eve, and my then-BF and I were in line at Walgreens to get something. I was STILL working on my senior thesis (submitted it just before NYE, and my adviser was kind enough to grade it without taking anything off for lateness.) Saw a display of Chia boxes near the cash register and loudly asked “Who the hell would get such a crappy gift for someone?”

      Well, how was I supposed to know the guy behind me was buying three of them?

    • Jonny On Maui

      Well it shouldn’t be…

  • memzilla Ω

    “Fuck you Paul Ryan, you zombie-eyed granny starver” are words which cannot be spoken often enough.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/078499ddb4ee70634242b5bae66ed4a2af446a08ca70d124ca46612a9bfa67fb.jpg