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This is Hailey. Hailey is awesome.

All the news is sadness and gathering storms and Donald Trump, which is enough to make the whole nation go on a bender. So let’s close out our Friday with a NICE TIME STORY about the coolest little girl and her totally awesome robotic hand and her wish to throw out the first pitch at EVERY BASEBALL GAME EVER. You can go on a bender after if you still want to, we’re not your real dad. (Yes we are.)

Hailey Dawson is seven years old, and she’s really into baseball. She has Poland Syndrome, and only has two fingers on her right hand. BUT, thanks to the wonders of medical science and robotics, she has a really cool 3D printed hand (don’t worry, Olds, we still cannot wrap our head around 3D printing either) that enables her to throw baseballs like a dang champion.

As Mashable notes, Twitter can make really cool things happen sometimes:

Let’s embiggen those pictures, so you can see how the Bleacher Report tweeted that Hailey wants to throw out the first pitch at every single Major League Baseball park in ALL THE LAND, which led every single MLB team in ALL THE LAND to jump in and say, “When the hell can we get this badass kid on our schedule?” SHUT THE FUCK UP WE ARE NOT CRYING YOU ARE CRYING AND ALSO YOU ARE VERY STINKY:

You’ll note that the Washington Nationals were like “Yeah, she’s already been here, and she’s our freaking hero.” Mashable notes she’s already thrown the first pitch for the Baltimore Orioles, also too. You can see a picture from that game above!

Here, watch the video about Hailey from the Bleacher Report, so you can STINKY CRY SOME MORE:

The world is good sometimes.

Hailey’s hand has its own Twitter account, which you can follow right here. That’s where we found this picture of Hailey fistbumping Ricky Martin, with her kickass robot hand:

In fact, it seems Ricky ‘n’ Hailey are BFFs. Here’s another one:

OK, now have an open thread and stop your damn crying.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

Wonkette salaries are fully paid by lovely souls like you! If you love us, click below to make sure we get paid!

[Mashable]

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  • Gayer Than Thou

    I would like to fistbump Ricky Martin. Or bump something. Wait, what are we talking about?

  • Jim QuinnX

    Just a little wind . . . in my eyes.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Is she available to throw 90-100 pitches at the next Dodger game?

    • weejee

      The Ms already signed her.

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        So she’s gonna have one good year, then go .500 with a 4.75 ERA every year for the rest of her life? That’s just cruel.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Eh, she throws like a girl.

      JK. My daughter started getting interested in baseball at about Haley’s age, and off and on for the next two glorious years, I schooled her on pitching in our big backyard. Since she was starting from scratch, I trained her to pitch from both sides, and she was pretty accurate both slow pitch style and baseball style.

      Then she discovered horses and that was that. :(

  • mrFawkes

    As an Orioles fan, manager Buck Showalter should consider adding Hailey to the starting rotation. I’m looking at you Ubaldo Jimenez.

    • Parakeetist

      No way. We need her on the Mets.

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        You have Tebow. You don’t need baseball players.

    • Raan

      If she can hit, the Rays will happily put her on the roster, assuming there’s still a stadium next week.

      • mrFawkes

        The Rays are in the AL. Designated hitter. But I’d like to see her swing the timber.

  • Jonny On Maui

    Finishing up the week on a high note. Thank you Evan!

  • Marcel

    Just a little wind . . . in my eyes.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    Onion ninjas have attacked.

    • Crystalclear12

      Damn them. . . and their onions!!

  • memzilla Ω

    Stupid baseball-playing onion ninjas.

  • Serai 1
    • Parakeetist

      Squee

    • OutOfOrbit

      yuh gotta plug it in, silly

      • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

        And say, cheese.

        • OutOfOrbit

          and i think he iz holding it backwards or upside down mebbee? i donut know

      • Shanzgood

        I’m worried about where the dongle is.

        • TakingAmes

          I love it when a real thing sounds so dirty.

        • OutOfOrbit

          i donut know whut a dongle is but very purdy sure i didnut take it

        • Paul

          Pittsburgh?

          • Shanzgood

            Hahahaha! Just mine!

    • Wolf Tracker

      Must be one of them new fangled cordless mice?

    • cheetojeebus

      Did you turn it off and on again?

    • Arolpin

      Probably something shmutz on the ball. Give it a good blowing.

  • mrFawkes

    My beloved pet squirrel Rocky is missing. Don’t be alarmed if you see him on a skateboard singing “The Doors.” He was last seen on shrooms. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/20fa8f88cafc184ecd1d5fb50181679168e153f577f55052161dbf8747d347c7.jpg

    • OutOfOrbit

      look up, prolly purdy high by now

    • Wolf Tracker

      If I see a squirrel on a skateboard singing anything I will check myself in to the nearest hospital!

    • Jonny On Maui

      Last I saw Rocky was hanging out with some moose…

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      I heard he hooked up with some raccoon on RatTinder.

  • SomeBigRedDog

    SHE HAS DIFFERENT COLORED ROBOT HANDS TO MATCH HER OUTFITS!

  • Wolf Tracker

    Great story Evan and educational!

    Poland syndrome, named after British surgeon Alfred Poland, is a rare birth defect characterized by underdevelopment or absence of the chest muscle (pectoralis) on one side of the body, and usually also webbing of the fingers (cutaneous syndactyly) of the hand on the same side (the ipsilateral hand).

    I had never heard of that so I learned something new today thanks.

    Give ’em hell Haley and knock that catcher on his ass!

    • jowgajen

      Also from wikipedia:

      Actor Ted Danson, famous for starring in the TV show Cheers, admitted he had the condition in 2000 to Orange Coast magazine, and said that he was bullied as a child because of it.

      • Wolf Tracker

        Now that is interesting because I always thought he carried his self a little off like he had something wrong.

        Now I know why!

        • jowgajen

          Missing his right chest muscle. Never liked to take his shirt off as a kid, and said he finds being called “skinny” insulting to this day. But apparently you can get an implant in the chest to make the imbalance look right, I’m sure he’s since done that.

          • Wolf Tracker

            Or a prosthesis of some kind.

          • I don’t think you can replace a missing muscle with a prosthesis. However…

            They are using 3D printers to print scaffolding for stem cells from a patient to replace burned skin, and I’ve heard of bladders being done also (bladders are simple – if vexing – things.

            Give it 20-25 years and there will be printing of missing muscles. Fifty years, max, for eyes.

            Edit: supposed to be a reply to Wolf Tracker. I am an old of very little brain, and big computers bother me.

  • BMW

    This is way better than the last time they tried to reboot the “Bionic Woman.”

    • theblackdog

      I must be the minority that liked it. That and they put it on Friday night so it was doomed from day 1.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    Welp, another pervy FOX News man has been canned.

    https://twitter.com/CNN/status/906260416908722176

    • Wolf Tracker

      So they officially fired him huh. All his talk about it being slander and fake must have not held up. Surprise!

    • jesterpunk

      Did they send him upstate to the farm with BillO?

    • SayItWithWookies

      Gee, he seemed like such an asshole on TV, it’s hard to imagine he’s any less of an asshole in real life.

      • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

        “Assholes in mirror are assholier than they appear.”

    • TheGrandWazoo2

      Another victim of the Bolling Peen Massacre. Kellyanne has a sad.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        Wonkette: Come for the dick jokes, stay for the dick puns.

        • Yellerduck

          That one was so bad, I need a stiffy drink.

          • Good_Gawd_Yall

            Was it a Peenya Colada?

          • Msgr_MΩment

            Sex on the bleach?

          • Paul

            OK. That’s enough. All y’all just go stand in the fucking corner and reflect on what you’ve done.

          • That’s a little hard on those guys, isn’t it?

          • Paul

            You too!!11!!! Go on. Git!!

          • Arolpin

            I’m not sure I’m ready for that level of intimacy right now. Can I stand in the cuddling corner instead? Or the longing corner?

      • Shibusa

        Another cock-up at FNC.

      • Paul

        I stand in awe. That comment gets ALL the accolades.

  • Jim QuinnX

    By the end of the season somebody is going to sign her as a closer. There isn’t a batter in the world heartless enough to hit that pitch.

    • Raan

      Maybe Pete Rose.

      • Ωbjectifier

        Barry Bonds. Mark McGuier, hell all those juicers.

        • tomamitai

          Zombie Ty Cobb, fer sure.

    • Shanzgood

      Pft. My daddy didn’t teach me to play chess by letting me WIN all the time. He made me lose so badly that I cried and untl I stopped crying and got better.

  • Ωbjectifier

    Oh yeah? How’s her breaking ball?

    • Jonny On Maui

      Give her time. She’ll be breaking balls…

      • Shanzgood

        Hahaha! Mama don’t need no shotgun!

    • Joe Beese

      Little girl or no, you gotta bring the heat.

    • If she was left handed, she’d have a job in the bullpen for life…

  • Good_Gawd_Yall
    • altleftjohn

      Eloquence itself!

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Back to our regular programming…

  • Roni Raven, Undercovfefe Agent

    3D printing is fucking awesome. It’s being used in the medical field, among other uses, to make models of people’s innards before complicated surgeries so surgeons can in essence practice the surgery beforehand, thereby figuring out the best way to go about the procedure, before the patient ever goes into the operating room.

    Also too Invisalign braces are all made with 3D printing.

    • altleftjohn

      Cool. You learn something everyday on the wonkit.

      • tomamitai

        It’s not just cool, it’s sofa king cool!

    • Jamoche

      And forget the chunky filament-style printers: this is the future 60’s SF promised us https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UpH1zhUQY0c

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

    God dammit. Am I going to have to take back everything snarky I’ve ever said about Ricky Martin?

    Yes.

    • Vicki Lawrence’s Covfefe

      I would be glad to deliver your apologies to him in person.

    • jesterpunk

      His music still sucks but he seems like a pretty decent person.

      • Serai 1

        I certainly hope he’s turned into one. He used to be a real stuck-up snothead.

      • Mr. Blobfish

        I can listen, and have, to “La Vida Loca” for days. Or until the missus yells. I may go put it on now before she gets home.

        • Arolpin

          Not much of a RIcky Martin fan, not much of a pop music fan, but that song is pure bubblegum pop gold.

    • Wolf Tracker

      Good snark is even appreciated by those being snarked.

  • bluicebank

    Oh sure, it’s all fun and games until they grow into teenagers. ;-)

    Though in her case, she won’t have a problem punching Biff to the curb when he gets too grabby.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      And they’re even fun as teenzes, even if they sometimes ripe you a new one…

  • Finnibar87

    Hurricane Irma has already made landfall in my eyes.

    Damn you, Wonkette!

    • proudgrampa

      Storm surge!!!

  • SayItWithWookies

    Three cheers for Hailey, science, and the Nats!

  • Serai 1
    • SayItWithWookies

      That reminds me — it’s mbira thirty [heads to fridge].

  • memzilla Ω

    Dear Lord:

    If we turn it off and turn it back on, will that fix America?

    Sincerely, 63 million Americans

    • altleftjohn

      Sorry. You’ve buttered your bread, now you have sleep on it.

    • Crystalclear12

      Dear America,
      Do you have the reboot disc?
      God

      • Jamoche

        Disc? Um…. *rustles madly through piles of AOL CDs* … Yes! They’ve been breeding so long, they’ve evolved.

    • Wolf Tracker

      It needs a new hard drive and energy source.

      -God

    • Moebym of the Returners

      No, you have to flash BIOS at the risk of bricking your motherboard and making America unusable.

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      I’m sorry, the license key you entered for Shining City On A Hill 1.0 is no longer valid or has expired. However, as long as you have a quality political leader in the highest offices, a replacement can easily be obtained!

    • Three Finger Salute

      No, the machine is hosed. You have to upgrade to the Linux distro, Montreal Moose.

  • bupkus231

    Ricky Martin? He’s old as fuck ( compared to this 7-year-old ).

    Yeah, the onion ninjas, whatever….

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Something … something … Hailey Skywalker

  • Crystalclear12
    • Jamoche

      Fox Firing Fridays? I approve.

      • Amelia Resists and Persists

        Ooh, Hannity next! Hannity next!

        • mancityRed6

          then that Douchey guy

    • Wolf Tracker

      Hoping it gets lost in the coverage of Irma.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      I absolutely love the title: “after sex probe”. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      So his unwanted peener pixx were real? Not just Wonket Dickjoke Fuel?

      Jesus, every time I think my vision of a rightwinger is too cartoonishly evil and vile, reality sets me straight.

  • Shibusa

    That is an awesome story. Love all those tweets from the teams.

  • Hardly Ideal

    *bad Venom Snake impression*
    You’re pretty good…
    http://i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/001/019/550/5a7.gif

  • Finnibar87

    It would be a whole lotta fun to take Hailey to a baseball game, I suspect.

  • mancityRed6

    so, I bought some whiskey tonight.
    as I do.
    I noticed it sounded a little off after the second shot added to my PBR.
    just a little gritty.
    yeah, the lip was broken.
    there were a few pieces in the bottom, but I’ve already had two drinks so who knows how much is in my system.
    I filtered it through my Chemex, and put into another bottle.
    but still.
    I’ve already made sure the cats will eat my corpse.

    • Courser_Resistance

      Fuck. Hope you’re okay. I think I’ve had that happen and I’m still alive.

      • mancityRed6

        too soon to tell. the chunks in the bottom of the bottle are still there.
        there was only a little speck in the filter I put it through.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      On a serious note, I have heard that if the piece of glass is small enough that you can eat/drink without noticing it, it’s small enough not to hurt you.

      • Jamoche

        I had a wee sliver of glass in my hand for years with no ill effects – I’d broken a window once. Didn’t notice until it started itching; scratched a bit and out it came.

        • mancityRed6

          I’ve had metal slivers in my hand for a week at longest. they work themselves out eventually. or at least close enough to the surface to get them with fingernail clippers.

          • SDGeoff3

            Sometimes the sticky side of tape works also, as well.

          • mancityRed6

            I’ve never been that lucky. it’s only bad until it gets a little red ring around it.

        • SDGeoff3

          I’m still having little pieces of a big windshield emerging from the top of my forehead on occasions. Thirty-five years later!

      • tomamitai

        I may or may not have swallowed some glass while drinking in a bar about 52 years ago. It was a bottle of Nehi soda and my grandmother’s bar. I seem to have survived, so far. The grandmother and the bar are long gone.

        • SterWonk

          Was it grape? Your real name isn’t Walter O’Reilly, is it?

          • tomamitai

            I don’t remember the flavor, and I failed the Radar endorsement test from the FCC.

    • “I’ve already made sure the cats will eat my corpse.”

      Don’t feed them tonight and you’re good to go.

      • mancityRed6

        *looks at Karl*
        yeah, no. he’ll at least cuddle with me first.

        • Shanzgood

          Or after.

          Wait, no, he’s an asshole.

          • mancityRed6

            yeah.
            and after.
            maybe the foam in the bed is absorbent.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        /Voice of a friend of experience

    • jowgajen

      Article is a little gruesome if you’ve just eaten glass, so I don’t’ recommend reading if you are the nervous type. But, the chase is you are fine. If you weren’t fine, you would notice.

      http://www.snopes.com/horrors/poison/glass.asp

      Even with coarser glass, the bleeding would probably not be massive or life-threatening but slow and lead to anemia and fatigue. The stools would become black from the blood, and the victim would see a doctor.

      • mancityRed6

        wait, blacker than normal?

        I kid, I kid.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        It’s NOT colon cancer! Wa hoo!

    • SomeBigRedDog

      Don’t let your cats eat your corpse. They might ingest the glass!

      Also, contact the company and let them know. This is the kind of thing that keeps quality assurance people up at night and you could very well get some free whiskey out of it. Save the bottle as it probably has a date code and/or lot number that they will be interested in.

      • SomeBigRedDog

        I’ve given away cases of beer for less.

      • mancityRed6

        the lease is up soon, and the ‘rents will be calling me to make another lunch date.
        and my boy in Lawrence will be upon me.
        I’m just assuming that one of them will happen before they get that far.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      We all need some fiber to keep the pipes clean.

      • mancityRed6

        I’ve got some fiber gummies, I’ll see if they work on it.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      The internal slicings will help them get started… or get over getting started…

      Gritty chunky whiskey give me the willies…

      • Msgr_MΩment

        I prefer mine neat.

      • mancityRed6

        oh, but it’s bottled in bond whisky, so 100 proof.
        the wounds will be cauterized by the extra alcohol
        ha! no, I’m gonna die.

        • Beanz&Berryz

          How much damage could an 11 meter slice along the length of one’s intestines do?

          • mancityRed6

            we’ll see?

        • Paul

          You’ll be fine. Eat a shitload of food and any small chips will be surrounded on their way through.

          • mancityRed6

            well, cheese melted over chicken fingers with stale cool ranch doritos was on the menu…

          • Paul

            Doctor recommended.

  • Amelia Resists and Persists

    Now let’s all cross our fingers that a Friday evening nice time won’t get ruined by a Friday night news dump.

    • mancityRed6

      that will be as soon as Irma hits land.

      • Amelia Resists and Persists

        And when Harvey hit, Trump pardoned Joe Arpaio “for the ratings,” so who knows what the night will bring.

    • Wolf Tracker

      Trump is headed to camp David for a conference with Pentagon and FEMA.

      Hopefully he won’t twitterfuck up the weekend.

      • Crystalclear12

        Give me the phone! Give it!
        John Kelly as we speak.

        • Wolf Tracker

          Camp David generally doesn’t allow outside calls and is high security so he may get tackled if he tries.

        • Good_Gawd_Yall

          I can absolutely envision this, and it makes me gigglesnort.

      • tomamitai

        Pentagon AND FEMA? Am I too paranoid to find that unsettling? Could it just be about the hurricanes and the government’s response?

        • Wolf Tracker

          We can hope!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Donald hasn’t done anything utterly stupid in the last six hours. Plenty of time for him to ruin everything.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Cohn gets the axe

    • natoslug

      If Friday night’s news dump includes real news of impeachment and Trump being indicted on money laundering charges, I’m all for it.

  • TakingAmes

    I love it when the nice times are the last articles. Thanks, Evan!

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    OT for country music fans: Troy Gentry of Montgomery Gentry was killed in a helicopter crash this afternoon. I’m sorry the world insists on fucking up Nice Happy Time.

  • Yellerduck

    I might even endure a baseball game to see that. I could leave after the pitch right?

    • Mr. Blobfish

      At least have a beer and hot dog before leaving.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Well, you could, but if you’re in Seattle, get some sushi at the ball park.

      • Arolpin

        And garlic fries. Safeco may be my favorite ballpark for food, Baltimore is pretty good too.

  • OPEN THREAD OT DEPT:
    GOD BLESS YOU, MR. WATERFIELD AND MR. KLINKOWITZ!

    While doing research for a new collection of his short works Dan Wakefield and Jerome Klinkowitz found several brand new real old short stories by Kurt Vonnegut.

    Here’s one of ’em, and it’s got BEES:

    https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2017/10/kurt-vonnegut-the-drone-king/537870/?utm_source=atlfb

    • altleftjohn

      The hell you say!

    • proudgrampa

      Fascinating…

    • altleftjohn

      That was fun.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Cute kid. My faith in humanity has been temporarily restored. Good on my Mets for getting onboard.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Good on my Mariners, too! And all the other teams who want to make her dream a reality!

  • The Wanderer

    It’s good to have some Nice Time, as the weekend is shaping up to majorly suck like trying cruising this one guy and you find . . .

    I’ve said too much again, haven’t I?

    • mancityRed6

      not enough, I’m taking notes.

    • theblackdog

      So I guess the guy didn’t suck in the way you wanted.

  • Yellerduck

    I am an old, and I have an awesome 3D printer at work. It’s always fun to watch people who are printing their first part. They tend to get mesmerized, watching as each layer goes down, waiting for some feature to appear that they have heretofore seen only on a computer monitor. I sometimes have to remind them, “Dude, that part is going to take 14 hours. Get a chair.”

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Yes, this is an awesome story! Hailey RULZ!

  • weighmaster
    • mancityRed6

      I’ll show Jones my thug side in a hurry.

      • SDGeoff3

        Betcha if you ran at him and made faces he’d run away.

      • tomamitai

        He’s fighting out of his weight, mentally.

        • mancityRed6

          Alex Jones VS a wet paper bag is a no brainer.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    Okay, I’m stupid, officially, because I didn’t realize 3-D printed stuff could move. Please tell me I’m not the only person who didn’t know that. I’m already afraid I’m not cool enough for Wonkette because I don’t dislike The Eagles.

    • Shanzgood

      I didn’t know except for being vaguely aware that maybe gun parts that can get through security checks can be made that way.

      • mancityRed6

        except for that nail you need to activate the powder.

        • Shanzgood

          Well, I know fuck-all about guns. But maybe the necessary nail or other missing components can be made/acquired later?

          • mancityRed6

            possibly. but probably not. metal is metal and you can’t get plastic to hit that primer that makes the bullet go

          • Arolpin

            I bet you could hide the firing pin in your wallet though, and then assemble the gun in the toilet. The bullet is the real problem.

          • mancityRed6

            still, metal.
            like my friend who was a gun nut who didn’t like glock ’cause he thought it was just getting guns through metal detectors.

    • weighmaster

      I was unaware that disliking the Eagles was a Wonkette thing. Is Steely Dan okay?

      • Villago Delenda Est

        I should hope so!

        BTW, the great Freddie Mercury would have been 71 today.

        • tomamitai

          According to Wikipedia you missed it by three days.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            Figures. Seb Gorka lied about it.

      • Old town Urbandale

        I’ve been working my through the Steely Dan CDs since Becker died, and was quite disappointed a few days ago to find that the title track to “The Royal Scam” no longer played without skips, thanks to my dog using it for a chew toy when she was a pup 11 years ago, and an aging car CD player. (Yeah, I know, physical media is so 20th century, but I’m an old…)

        • weighmaster

          I have….records.

    • SomeBigRedDog

      Maybe they 3D print the parts and put them together?

      • mancityRed6

        this

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      Cool is when you like what you like, and don’t feel the need to shit on other people for what they like, so you are cooler than Freddy Jackson sipping a milkshake in a snowstorm.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        Aww. Thankee kindly!

    • Wolf Tracker

      Each piece is 3D printed so it all fits together perfectly.

      Really great for designing prosthetics.

    • SDGeoff3

      The only 3-D I know are my crowns. My dentist has a 3-D printer (right in the middle of the place so everyone can watch! Beats a fish tank hands down.) I go in at 8am, we have a lovely root canal, and by 11:15, I’m on my way home with a permanent crown.

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        Our dentist has one, too. My husband sat and watched his crown being made. He recorded it with his cell phone to show people. (Would people from mid 20th century understand any of that?)

        • SDGeoff3

          I’m from mid-20th century, and I can wrap a little bit of my dessicated mind around it. Kinda. All I know is, it’s a lot better than temporaries!

          • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

            I am too. I don’t think I was very clear after working my 12 hr shift and an evening beer while watching Star Trek – TOS on BBC America, I was attempting to muse on going back in time 50 years and telling people we have cell phones and 3D printers. Then comes attempting to explain our fucked up politics.

          • SDGeoff3

            Oh I knew what you were doing. No sweat! I often wonder about that too, and it’s a hell of a lot of fun for me. I also think about what it would be like to take famous people of history on a tour of my city. Stuff like that. I also like to think about which historical figures, in the arts, politics, literature, I’d want to have with me at lunch. I keep coming back to Dorothy Parker, Thomas Paine, H.L. Mencken (and Oscar Wilde or H.H.Munro, just for the British wit and wisdom.)

          • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

            That’d be cool.

    • Crystalclear12

      Watch “outrageous acts of science”.
      People have modified 3-D printers to plant gardens and tattoo people!

      Kindle corrected me again.

      • tomamitai

        How do you “ratio people”?

        • Crystalclear12

          Kindle is like my parents. Doesn’t know me but keeps correcting me.
          Check edit.

      • Yellerduck

        And build houses.
        https://youtu.be/GUdnrtnjT5Q

    • Thiazin Red

      I’ll say it. Some of their songs are good.

    • Hardly Ideal

      For most regular printers, you usually need to assemble parts you print. But there are fancier ones that can print in different materials, like one that makes the main model and a “support” material that dissolves away. That lets you make functioning mechanisms all in one go.
      http://www.gambody.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/hips-filament-3d-printing.png

    • Three Finger Salute

      I’m lower on the cool-enough list too, because I not only don’t dislike the Eagles, I don’t dislike the Patriots either.

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω
    • The Wanderer

      It’s beautiful, but fookin’ nasty.

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        Nature is awesomely beautiful … and can fuck you up in a heartbeat.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        It IS beautiful, especially when seen from a safe distance from it in orbit, and not anywhere near it.

    • Wolf Tracker

      That is a seriously tightly packed storm. Usually you see more space and gaps but that fucker is like a body build on steroids while snorting PCP.

      Not something to fuck with.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Oh, and Jose’s now a category four. So Rush might have to stay out of Palm Beach, because getting hit by that much fake news in so short a timespan might something global warming conspiracy big government carbon tax bureaucracy yadda yadda.

  • WomanInThePersistence

    Needed this.

  • She’ll need a passport, but I hope the Jays are on this.

    • Thiazin Red

      That is still so weird. When I was younger you could just answer a couple questions at the check point and get waved over.

      • mancityRed6

        I went through the Windsor checkpoint once when the guard was literally asleep.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Dang, you need a passport to see a Jays game at the Skydome now? When I did the MLB tour thing 27 years ago, you just told the border guys that you were going to a Jays or Expos game, and you were waved through with a smile.

        • Thiazin Red

          I think if you live in NY you can get a special licence that lets you get into Canada or Mexico without a passport.

          • SDGeoff3

            In San Diego, we use our drivers licenses to cross and return to close spots like Tijuana and Rosarita, but you need a passport to go further south and fly on a plane.
            Sadly, the border spots are increasingly dangerous now, and we no longer go.

          • Arolpin

            If it’s the one I’m thinking of, it’s basically just a laminated, wallet-sized passport. No room for stamps on it, but they don’t stamp your passport going to Canada anyway. (When I went to Quebec City 2 weeks ago they asked where I was going, where I was staying, and told me to enjoy myself. Coming back to the US probably took longer, like 2 minutes because the guy was busy doing something else, so I had to sit there for a minute.)

        • I actually don’t know about coming in to Canada, but I know going from Canada to the US you need one, so…

        • Edith Prickly

          Passports have been required for a while now. Probably after 9-11, it’s been so long I’ve forgotten…

      • Courser_Resistance

        I think it was like 2002 when I got in to Canada with my driver’s license and an old hunting license. I had to have my vehicle expected but it was no big thing.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Years ago I went up to Montreal to see Mets/Expos. It was the weirdest thing. Different sections of fans had their own color pennants they would wave at each other. At one point, there was a, thing, a salute to dairy farmers is the only thing I can think of. There was a giant bottle of milk walking around, plus someone dressed as a cow following a wagon around the outfield. Those people can party.

  • Shanzgood

    You know it’s twoo wuvv when you’re making travel plans with your long-distance sweetie and one of you says “I can’t wait to be with you. I will squeeze you so hard at the airport, you might barf a little or get a bruised spleen.”

    Extra points for being the first to guess who said it.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Baconz didn’t say that. He’d have said something like “out of the frying pan, it’s mine!”

    • SDGeoff3

      Say it in French and he’ll follow you anywhere.

    • mancityRed6

      “spleen”
      yeah, I’m gonna guess you.

      • Shanzgood

        It’s a toss-up between you and Villago. Villago was first but you were more specific as to the actual person. I’m torn.

        • mancityRed6

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VV1XWJN3nJo
          this actually reminds me way too much of a girl I used to date.

          • Shanzgood

            I liked that song until it made me feel trapped every time I turned on the radio.

          • mancityRed6

            it’s one of my guilty pleasures in that it makes me feel guilty

          • Shanzgood

            I like it again, now, too. Especially because it doesn’t remind me of an ex.

          • mancityRed6

            yes, and it still does.

    • No. This is Baconz all the way

      • Shanzgood

        There’s a reason he likes me. Well, more than one.

  • Thiazin Red

    I finally found the email that has an important protocol in it after looking for it all damn day. Of course the email didn’t contain any of the words like synuclein, protocol, extraction, etc, which would have made it easy to find. It was attached to a random sounding email with no subject line.

    So now I can come into the lab and isolate some damn synuclein tomorrow instead of today like I wanted.

    • mancityRed6

      ah, you’ve got Hillary’s emails

      • SDGeoff3

        He HAD to mention the synuclein, didn’t he.

  • mrFawkes

    It is not the Editrix’s birthday today. My apologies. I confused a FB b-day notice. Her name is very similar to another. Again, my bad. I deleted the original.

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      A very merry unbirthday to her, and you.

      • Cincinnatus

        The Unbirthday Song
        Ed Wynn, Kathryn Beaumont, …

        A very merry unbirthday to me
        To who?
        To me
        Oh you!
        A very merry unbirthday to you
        Who me?
        Yes, you!
        Oh, me!
        Let’s all congratulate us with another cup of tea
        A very merry unbirthday to you!
        Now, statistics prove, prove that you’ve one birthday
        Imagine, just one birthday every year
        Ah, but there are three hundred and sixty four unbirthdays!
        Precisely why we’re gathered here to cheer
        A very…

    • Shanzgood

      FAKE NOOZ!!!1!

  • Hardly Ideal

    Dear olds,
    There’s actually not that much to get about 3D printing. Let’s see…

    Imagine you have something like a hot glue gun that squeezes out thin strands of plastic instead of fat beads of glue. Then attach that to some very precise motors that work like a regular printer head, but in all three directions instead of just back and forth. You put that on a machine that takes a 3D model that it cuts into slices like an MRI scanner. It’ll then precisely squirt plastic in the shape of one slice onto a hot plate, move that plate down by a fraction of a millimeter, and repeat that for all the slices until you have something great.

    Aside from maybe an endmill/lathe, it’s one of the closest things we have to a von Neumann (self-replicating) Machine we have.

    Actually, maybe it’s better to show instead of tell:
    https://www.geek.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/5.gif

    • Jamoche

      This one’s even cooler than that: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UpH1zhUQY0c
      Precisely applied UV light and magic, in a “my Clarke’s Law Threshold is way high and this is beyond that” sense.

      • Hardly Ideal

        Awesome, but I don’t even want to think about how expensive that material is.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Meh. Looks very sedimentary. Wake me up when I can order Early Grey, hot.

    • Three Finger Salute

      I’m not even an old and I still don’t get it. But I’m not a mathy-techy person either.

      • Jamoche

        Imagine your basic printer used really thick ink, like for embossed business cards. Then print another layer on top of that, and keep building up.

        • Three Finger Salute

          Oh, so like this? I remember these, I think they still make them too.

          https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/51MMNPWVBRL._SX355_.jpg

          I think I read somewhere that the statues and other ancient relics that ISIS destroyed can be replicated with this. Caveat being, so can the Confederate statues and ones of Hitler, but I guess any tech has the propensity to be used for ill-gotten gains just because people can be dicks.

          The other thing I’ve read is that the IP police are trying to crack down on people 3D-printing their own “licensed materials” like a Mickey figure or Monopoly tokens or what have you. Doesn’t surprise me; they send SWAT teams after bakeries that bake Bert & Ernie cakes, not because they’re for same-sex couples but because Disney owns the Muppets.

          What I really want to know is, how is it that they’re printing meat, body parts, and other organic materials? You can put DNA into that machine?

  • georgiaburning

    Dawson 2058!

  • Moebym of the Returners

    This brightened my monumentally shitty day a little. Thanks.

  • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

    Best response to Dame Peggington’s stupid tweet thread yesterday: https://twitter.com/abfrancois/status/905790430897467392

  • Shibusa

    So is it Editrix’s birthday? That post got deleted! I had this all ready to go:
    http://bestanimations.com/Holidays/Birthday/hotbirthdaygifs/hot-guys-magic-mike-happy-birthday-card-gif.gif

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

    From my wasted youth.
    Long before 3D printing was a thing, kids of all ages were plunking quarters into Mold-A-Rama vending machines to get plastic sculptures made right before their eyes. Let’s take a look back at the history of these mid-century manufacturing marvels.

    I still have a “3-D” stegosaurus from the gas station on a bookcase, 50 years later.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a32b50ccf8d82d2beecaa8b29c2f984f04df6eb1a159edc1cdca5bda27b07ec8.jpg
    Yes, it was that fucking awesome.

    http://mentalfloss.com/article/55241/brief-history-mold-rama

    • Shanzgood

      I remember sticking my hand into a bucket of candle wax.

      • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

        Oh, you kids and your snarky ripostes. And don’t even get me started on the Lite Brite.

        https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/376d8ff4a9cacb766ac8ad55c7cf5bf171e12050c847c6480a92400083429ac3.jpg

        • Joe Beese

          Lite Brite, eh?

          Lets you make things with light?

          • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

            It was MAGICAL.

            And get off my lawn of plastic light plugs!

            Damn punk ass kids today.

          • Arolpin

            My kids saw one somewhere when they were about 6 and they thought it was the coolest thing ever. I didn’t get it for them because I remember that once you ran out of the paper templates, it was hard to make anything that looked like something at that age. And because I know that I would be the one running out on a rainy Saturday morning to buy another batch of paper templates. (Now that I think about it I’m sure that there are thousands of Lite Brite templates that you can just print out.)

        • Jamoche

          I wanted one of those *so badly* when I was a kid.

          • Shanzgood

            So did I until I realized how quickly all the pieces got lost/broken and made it not fun to use. Then I wanted (and got) a Spirograph and a Hūsker Dū?

          • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

            I wanted a Spirograph *so badly* when I was a kid. The Lite Brite was my consolation birthday present.

          • mancityRed6

            I didn’t have either.
            and I still have barely cracked the Husker Du on youtube.

          • Three Finger Salute

            Nobody can break the Mould.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JwOMXfkh1c8

          • Shanzgood

            As a non-visually creative person who loves predictable patterns, I understand the inherent structural appeal of both games in that there are only just so many places for things to GO.

            But I think the reason I liked the Spirograph was because, even though I could pick the wheel I wanted to create the desired pattern, sometimes it would jump the track and do something pleasantly unexpected anyway.

            Ok, sometimes it would get all fucked up, too, but at least it wasn’t restricted by my innate and boring urge to make everything be symmetrical and could accidentally create something beautiful despite my best efforts.

          • Three Finger Salute

            I had a Lego set and a consumer-market Macintosh as a kid. Used to have this program that zoomed in on icons pixel-by-pixel. I would sit at the computer and actually re-create the icon best as I could with Lego blocks. Sort of a rudimentary makeshift version of the Puzz3D mentioned elsewhere in this thread. But with a 32×32 pixel Dogcow instead of Big Ben or the White House.

          • Arolpin

            Spirograph was one of those toys that no matter how much I begged for it, I never got it. My dad gave me all of his old drawing stuff from architecture school instead. I wasn’t much of an artist, but my sister had the best pencil collection of any first grader ever.
            How does one get a Hūsker Dū? And did you get the whole set, or just Bob Mould?

          • Shanzgood

            I got the Hūsker Dū? with the blackout discs. I don’t know what that means in your world but I had a lot of fun. But I had the same kinda fun with a pack of cards.

        • Three Finger Salute

          I had one of these and I loved it. I never used the paper outlines. I always used to make my own. Today I wish I was better at electrical stuff, because I’d probably be making some pretty neat LED things on a giant display.

      • Panika MCD

        that was fun. we should relive the experience together…in TX because lord knows I only ever drive through KS.

        • Shanzgood

          I’m gonna wait to go to TX until I’m sure my ovaries are completely dried up.

          • Panika MCD

            oh, come now! baconz is invited and not all of our people are attractive. I can get you a harness if need be.

          • Shanzgood

            Wait, who do you think needs the harness?

          • Panika MCD

            I’m not the one who needs to be past child bearing age to visit a place….

          • Shanzgood

            Wut?

          • Panika MCD

            I thought you said you couldn’t visit until then…?

          • Shanzgood

            Oh, right. I got a bit…vague last night.

          • Panika MCD

            and I ran with it!

    • theblackdog

      I saw that they still have these at the San Antonio Zoo.

    • Three Finger Salute

      That’s a helluva Shrinky Dink.

    • Serai 1

      from the gas station on a bookcase

      Must have been a really small gas station.

    • Panika MCD
      • Shanzgood

        Can I touch your hair? (I only ask white people that question.)

        • Panika MCD

          before or after we stick our hands in hot wax?

          • Shanzgood

            Yes?

      • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

        Awesome hair.

        • Panika MCD

          it is “the mane” in the Central TX Dem campaign community.

      • *sigh*, am I going to have to be the one making inappropriate comments?

        • Panika MCD

          you would not be the first…if that helps…

    • Courser_Resistance

      Creeple Peeple machine from Mattel. Not quite as cool as your stegosaurus but pretty good

      • We had Incredible Edibles and Creepy Crawlers. IEs tasted horrible, but we still ate them.

      • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

        Also, too.
        https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/58dcb71a375bc310aefc9a9f485ac97d437dac6b0957284a8f2bfa58a4c9acfd.jpg
        So, like, don’t give me all this 3-D printing crap. Been there. OK, so there was no computer involved. It’s actually kind of beside the point.

        • Yellerduck

          Yes! I had this one.

          • Old town Urbandale

            Me too! So we know who are Olds…

        • Courser_Resistance

          Yup, that’s the one we had. My best friend had the creeple peeple version. Those you could use as pencil topper erasers.

    • I had an elephant (Ziggy, to be exact) from Brookfield Zoo and a dolphin from Shedd Aquarium.

    • mancityRed6

      my xmas list came annotated with page numbers. Dostoevsky would have been proud of the length.
      but there was a plastic mold for hot wheels that I wanted so badly
      and it’s still here
      https://www.amazon.com/Hot-Wheels-Car-Maker-Playset/dp/B00CKH9QWO
      meh.

  • mancityRed6

    and, yes, KC is on it

  • theblackdog

    Every team should give her a T-shirt so she has a badass collection of T-shirts.

    • Thiazin Red

      Then when she outgrows them, make it into a badass quilt that she can use.

    • Panika MCD

      except…what if she doesn’t want all the T-shirts?

      • Old town Urbandale

        Gratuitous Yankee slam in 3… 2… 1…

        • Panika MCD

          the Lions?

          • Toomush_Inferesistance

            Bears, oh my….

      • theblackdog

        Okay, if she doesn’t want them she doesn’t have to take them. As long as the option is there.

    • I’ve never seen a person throw out the first pitch that wasn’t given a personalized jersey. I hope hers says “BADASS” or “ROBOT HAND”.

      • theblackdog

        Oh that’s interesting! I didn’t know that.

  • natoslug

    Woo-hoo! Equifax says my data wasn’t breached! Which probably means it was, but they aren’t going to admit it until later when they have to admit that they fucked up with ALL of their data, not just most of their data.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      The stock sales are still pending…

    • jesterpunk

      The site isnt accurate at all, I checked my birds name with the SSN of 123456 and it says his data was compromised.

      • Old town Urbandale

        I hope you sign it up for the free credit monitoring.

        • jesterpunk

          I tried but my bird is an asshole and tried to bite me when I went for his credit card.

      • natoslug

        I’d suggest getting your bird new cards, and changing his social media passwords.

    • Wolf Tracker

      Hmmm? Not sure I would trust the company that just got hacked and didn’t report until they sold off their stock to tell you your info was compromised which would entitle you to some of the settlement they will be hit with.

      But that’s just me!

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Did they list all the SSN’s that were breached?

      • natoslug

        No. You enter your last name and the last six digits of your SSN, and they either say “All good, man!” or “Bro, you’re totally fucked. Sucks to be you.” And then try to get you to sign up for their credit monitoring service. I am going to look at getting a freeze put on things anyway, just to be safe, with all three of the big credit-destroying services. Er, monitoring services.

        • Mr. Blobfish

          Nutz. I’ve been breached, and not in a good way.

          • natoslug

            No problem — just send me your SSN, DOB and mother’s maiden name and I’ll make sure to send your data back to you. Or, if you don’t want to trust a total stranger on the interwebz who wants to pay off his mortgage early, you can check https://www.consumer.ftc.gov/blog/2017/09/equifax-data-breach-what-do and start putting some freezes in place.

  • WomanInThePersistence

    So has anybody started the pool on what the Friday night news dump will be?

    • Wolf Tracker

      Trump is at camp David with Pentagon and FEMA so maybe we won’t get one.

    • jesterpunk

      Trump is led out in handcuffs along with Mike Pence, Paul Ryan, his cabinet, GOP leadership and Nancy Pelosi is the new President?

    • OutOfOrbit

      i donut go into pools i haz a propensity for sinking

      • SDGeoff3

        I am a cautious wader, myself.

    • Panika MCD

      the TX House started yesterday with, “Will Irma eclipse TX’s ability to get the funds to rebuild? YOU BET YOUR ASS!” (we’ll figure it out…Elon Musk and Beyonce like us…)

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Am I reading the tone of that right? Worried about Irma cutting into Fed moneyTX will get? Any feigned sympathy for FL, et al.?

        • Panika MCD

          we have total sympathy for FL. we just don’t want our areas to be forgotten. FL is like our shitty twin. we’re like their shitty twin. we are shitty twins together! it’s similar to us not wanting Harvey affected areas that are not-Houston to be forgotten.

          there was this drawing circulating on the FacePlant of TX hugging LA when Harvey was headed their direction. that’s how I feel about Irma hitting anywhere. we’re all in this together.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            We all are… Washington is our twin, but they got Puget Sound, Boeing, AND Bill Gates’s parents borning him there, so we’re the kinda runty fraternal twin… who people like because we’re cute and quirky, until last week…

          • Our 3rd graders are doing a fund drive to make money to send to a shelter down there to help them with the cost of taking care of pets who’ve been separated from their families. Coincidentally, the book Two Bobbies was part of their literacy curriculum this week & one of the kids suggested that we do something to help the animals in Texas.

          • Panika MCD

            you giving to APA!, Best Friends or the SPCA (the last has some caveats)?

          • TBH, I’m not sure which particular group is getting the $. The child who suggested it is in a different classroom (I’m a SpEd assistant). Our local animal rescue group has taken some of the animals that the TX shelter already had, so that the TX shelter had space for pets that had become separated from their families.

          • Panika MCD

            that’s probably APA!. but as long as it’s not Houston SPCA or Tall Tails, you should be good.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      I started thinking it would be Cohn, now I’m switching to Kelly quiting.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      Rex exits???!?!?

      I have no basis for this, which is probably why it’s as good a guess as any.

      • hendenburg2

        I believe you mean “Rexit”

        I’d show myself out, but I’m still on the clock.

    • BillEGoatSmirk

      Something to do with the fact that Mueller has called Spicey, Priebus, McGahn, Hicks and two others in for a chat.
      They all ask Trump to pay their legal fees out of his Campaign 2020 Fund (like he did for his spawn), but he refuses.

  • Three Finger Salute

    This is why we need science. Not only to build better prosthetics and transplantation procedures for those who have already been afflicted by diseases like this, but to figure out what causes them in the first place so that nobody ever has to get them again.

    Minor nitpick, however: they couldn’t make the hand look more like a hand?

    • jesterpunk

      That hand looks pretty badass in the video and it looks like she has different colors she can choose from.

      • Three Finger Salute

        How far are they coming with limb transplants yet? Internal organ ones have been around for years of course, but I’ve heard that limb transplants are a relatively new thing that’s being done. I’ve heard also that there’s progress being made on actually 3D printing realistic body parts, both internal and external. I have no idea how they put DNA or skin cells in a printer, but whatever they’re doing, apparently it’s coming along.

        • jesterpunk

          I saw something about that recently on the science channel. They can make ears and other non moving body parts with special printers and a dissolvable mold,

          • Courser_Resistance

            They can build bladders with stem cells on a scaffold. Bladder cancer isn’t uncommon, so getting a replacement is pretty great.

          • jesterpunk

            Check this out, it shows how they print skin. I can’t find the ear video right now.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SfTAXunE_hk

        • Courser_Resistance

          There’s a little boy who got bilateral hand transplants. He lost his due to a severe infection as a baby. Last I heard he’s doing great!

          Here, have some onion ninjas with his story. He’s a pretty awesome kid, too!

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cLIkNAstgX8

    • Mr. Blobfish

      If she were a little boy instead, he’d probably want it to shoot little missiles or possibly have a hook.

      • tomamitai

        How do you know she didn’t ask for those features in the next model?

    • SDGeoff3

      She probably doesn’t care what it looks like.

      • YoBunnyBunny

        Kids. To her, it probably looks COOL just as it is.

        • SDGeoff3

          It really is pretty cool!

    • Thiazin Red

      I wonder if putting fake skin on it would be too uncanny valley. Fake skin might also make it harder to grip, or be to prone to tearing.

    • hendenburg2

      Because if it looked like a real hand, it would be less awesome.

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    Oh that first Rickt Martin Picture. It looks so much llike my son meeting the Paw Patrol pups when he was three. So proud yet so shy. :)

  • Dang it! I cried the other day when I saw this on the Twitter and now you’re making me cry all over again.

  • BillEGoatSmirk

    OMG. Has anyone seen the 5 minute ad from Vicente Fox running for US President in 2020? It was beyond my expectations! He starts off by saying that
    he has “another message to last year’s rotting Halloween pumpkin…” Absolutely biting comedy/sarcasm. Well worth the 5 minutes.

    And there’s a goat with signs on it!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ukv9v7IGZw

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      OMG that is fucking hysterical!!!
      Also, which one of you is Vicente Fox? Cause he’s got a hat that says “Not afraid of stairs.” LOLOLOLOL

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Best campaign song ever.

    • As someone who loves tacos and lives very near a corner — I would totally vote for Vicente Fox.

    • tomamitai

      I’ve always thought the requirement that the President be a “natural-born citizen” was unfair. We should change it to “having been a citizen for at least 35 years”.

      Hell, for that matter, it’s unfair that schmucks like me get to be citizens for free while people born in another country have to jump through hoops, EVERYBODY should have to take the damn citizenship test to vote or hold office! I’ll bet THAT requirement would have kept Donnie out of the oval office, as long as they took precautions to make sure he didn’t pay a twelve year old immigrant to take the test for him!

      • weighmaster

        Interestingly, the Constitution does not define “natural-born citizen”, which is listed as a requirement for a presidential candidate in Article II, Section 1, paragraph 6 in the main body of the Constitution (ratified June 21, 1788). Though many assume that the phrase refers to being born on US soil, that bit was not a thing until the 14th Amendment was ratified in July, 1868. Before the 14th Amendment, being born on US soil was no guarantee of citizenship. So, it is an interesting question to ponder what, exactly, the Founders meant by “natural-born citizen”.

  • Thiazin Red

    Its really both amazing and wonderful to see the advances in prosthetic technology. My great uncle lost an arm to a farming accident back in the 30s and spent the rest of his life with a hook. The 3D printing and the research into nerve controlled limbs are major advancements.

  • Scooby

    This is better than the Hands of Orlac.

  • Picabo

    “An ongoing investigation into “suspicious” activity in the back seat of a car involving an inmate trustee at the Fauquier County jail led to the Tuesday arrest of Teresa Jo Burchfield, the wife of an ethics attorney to President Donald Trump’s business organization.”
    http://www.joemygod.com/2017/09/08/wife-trump-organization-lawyer-arrested-police-find-sex-inmate-county-jail/ https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2cf93f3e26d836654bc0d1c0c9c846d3c9bf1d134923ce50fde98690a3a4ace3.jpg

    • Raan

      I didn’t know they were in a car.

    • OutOfOrbit

      ethics attorney? wtf do they need one for?

      • hendenburg2

        For the same reason you hire Leo Bloom as an accountant

    • natoslug

      Only the best.

    • notaten

      Ethics + N = Ethnic = whoevenknowsand whyareyouusingidentitypolitics? Bothsides1!11¡! AND, HEREMAILS!!! Lookituplibtardhashtagdotcom!!!!¡!!¡

    • TundraGrifter

      Real politicians do it in South Carolina graveyards – after dark.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    RAAAAAGGGGGEEEE!
    https://twitter.com/ALT_uscis/status/906097867236020224
    I need more drinks.

    • We get it, Republicans, you’re cartoonish super villains, you don’t have to KEEP proving that point.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      So DOJ is helping DOE slut shame college rape victims?

    • natoslug

      That’s complete bullshit. This administration needs to go the fuck away and be replaced by actual adults.

      • Alan

        That sums it up rather simply.

        • natoslug

          I am nothing if not simple.

    • altleftjohn

      Maybe these so-called rape victims should be made to wear a big scarlet letter “S” for slut into court.

    • Resistance Fighter Astraea

      Comment redacted per non-commenting policy.

    • Thiazin Red

      Is there anything else that they apply this standard to?

      Oh you loaned Steve $5 last week, so how can you be upset when Mike took your purse? Are you sure you didn’t just give it to him?

      Are you sure you didn’t invite those squatters into your house? You had a party there before.

      You’ve eaten food before, why do you want to ruin that promising boy’s life by saying he shoved food in your mouth?

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      No means no you fucking assholes.

    • hendenburg2

      Same here. Luckily there’s a beer fest with unlimited pours about half a mile from my apartment tomorrow.

    • DainBramage

      Sessions needs to be chained to his tree and forced to bake cookies again.

      Yes, I’m far angrier than that, just don’t want to be banhammered.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Update to the article says that the DOJ says it’s fake, but I dunno.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Memo’s disavowed now — too bad nobody puts anything past Sessions’ DOJ:

      Sarah Flores, the head of the Department of Public Affairs, says the memo is not real. In an email, she states:

      This is clearly a fake memo for any number of reasons easily ascertainable.

      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        Thank goodness for that.

  • Scooby

    Trump to cut funding for prosthetics research in 3…2…1

  • Raan

    RE: Irma
    We’re not evacuating (yet). There is a reason, but it requires some background.

    My mom works as a daycare teacher at a center affiliated with Morton Plant Hospital in Clearwater. A couple of years ago, Baycare (who runs Morton Plant) decided that because they were so happy with the service they were getting from the daycare, they​ offered to buy out the YWCA and took on the staff as employees.

    In an act of humanity that you don’t often see from corporations, they moved up the next payday from next Thursday to today, so that the staff who need to evacuate or get supplies can.

    But it’s not supposed to go through until around midnight, so we’ll be heading out tomorrow.

    • janecita

      Be careful, and leave as soon as you get the money, 12:01 sounds good.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Please flee safely!

      • Raan

        We will. We’re well north of where Irma’s supposed to make landfall, but an abundance of caution never hurt anyone.

        Except maybe George McClellan.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          Just get you and yours out as early as possible. It sounds like the escaping traffic is very bad.

    • Panika MCD

      I’d say that we hear a lot about super-wealthy corporations being bad people. this year has reminded me about all the not totally shitty corporations between KeepTXOpen and the Harvey response.

      we just need more billionaires like Elon Musk and Charles Butt.

      https://www.dallasnews.com/opinion/commentary/2017/07/13/billionaires-like-texas-grocery-magnate-charles-butt

    • altleftjohn

      Keep us posted.

      • Raan

        Will do. I plan to post when we leave, and when we get there.

    • h4rr4r

      Scientology daycare?

      • Raan

        Nope, L. Ron’s thetan doesn’t have his phantom meathooks in Baycare as far as I know.

    • Wolf Tracker

      If you know your bank well you might get them to advance the amount of the check if it is direct deposit. Or maybe family or friends can front you the money.

      Be sure you can get to a local approved shelter fast just in case because mail and even electronic deposits may be interrupted by Irma.

      Best to you and your family.

      • Wolf Tracker

        Oh and check the highway conditions before you head out. They are snail pace today but might open opposite lanes soon and free it up.

        If that highway is snarled you might be better off in an approved shelter so you don’t get stuck in your car when the storm hits.

        8AM Sunday is expected landfall.

  • janecita
  • Alan

    I have two good hands and I want one of those.

  • Wolf Tracker

    So, instead of partying this weekend I am going to take that money and donate it to one of the charities helping Florida and Texas disaster victims.

    A sober reminder that people are suffering and don’t have it as good as I do and I will take the time to help my local charities as we have homeless people here too.

    Hope you find a way to help Wonkettes and I know you all have big hearts.

  • Lyly Sirivong
    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      How I miss those street signs.

      Sigh.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Words I never thought I would see: “Conspiracy website Infowars is escalating the site’s ongoing battle with a young girl.”

    http://www.rawstory.com/2017/09/some-thug-woman-alex-jones-goes-ballistic-on-young-girl-who-mocked-his-infowars-reporter/

    • Three Finger Salute

      Asshole Alex is A Asshole.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      And this seems strange because….?

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Of course- that was my thought yesterday- how soon till these gonifs start sending this little girl and her family threats, ugly name calling, etc. They weren’t going to let that one go.

  • Marla

    Um, TUNEZ? Eh, sort of off the map today. I think I need to start taking much better drugs.

    1. Conquistador – Procol Harum
    2. Moonshiner’s Daughter – Rhiannon Giddens
    3. Tiwayyen – Tinariwen
    4. Got Me Wrong – Brad Mehldau Trio
    5. Rain In Durango – Guy Clark
    6. The End Of The World – Pet Shop Boys
    7. A Friend Is A Friend – Pete Townshend
    8. Diamond Field – Pat Benatar
    9. Little House On The Hill – Willie Nelson
    10. Ab Lib Blues – Lester Young

    Yeah, I think I need better drugs.

    • mancityRed6
      • Marla

        I met Mike Watt once.

        • mancityRed6

          you are way cool, I don’t just throw that around.
          check out the documentary “we jam econo”

        • mancityRed6

          and the time since I posted and you knew Mike Watt was in it, hell to the yes.

          • Marla

            Yeah, he bumped into me on the way to the stage. Didn’t apologize at all.

          • mancityRed6

            I went from Joplin to Austin to see Dropkicks play at a friends bar.
            we got invited backstage and I spent more time talking to the girl in the plaid skirt with the bagpipes.
            “hey, have you met…”
            “yeah, yeah…so, how long have you played?”
            to be fair, I was drunk and her father didn’t like me one bit.

    • hendenburg2

      Huh, I had totally forgotten about the OT Dance Party.

      • mancityRed6

        a new Friday thing?

        • Marla

          Hope not. Last time I was so baked I listened to The Cars ‘Heartbeat City’ over and over again for hours because I was to stoned to get up and listen to anything else.

          • mancityRed6

            you know
            stop that!

  • Scooby

    My Trump loving neighbor just told me about how bad healcare rationing is in the U.K. Then said Steven Hawking would be dead if he were British to prove his point.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Everyone knows. All the best physics is done in not America these days…

      • Scooby

        Switzerland…CERN

    • jesterpunk

      They are bringing up that bullshit again? Does the register need to republish this article?

      https://www.theregister.co.uk/2009/08/12/hawking_british_and_alive/

      • Scooby

        I didn’t realise it was that widespread.

        • jesterpunk

          It started when the ACA was being debated.

    • mancityRed6

      when I left in 2004, they were done with the appointments at my local surgery, you just came.
      er, arrived. and were seen in the order you signed in.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Do they understand that you don’t get unlimited healthcare unless you have unlimited money? Do they understand that by not paying for certain procedures, their insurance company is rationing care?

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Born and bred in the Oxford briar patch….

    • Shanzgood

      Fuck them. Hawking would have been dead here already. I lived and worked in the U.K. for years, even had a kid there, and paid taxes at a lower rate than my US taxes. And my U.K. rate INCLUDED universal healthcare that I couldn’t be kicked off or get maxed out and didn’t include any crazy premiums, deductibles, or out of pocket expenses.

      • Scooby

        Every ‘expert’ on other countries are always guys that have never left the state they were born in.

        • Shanzgood

          Plus, I have the receipts from before employer health insurance went down the toilet so they can fuck right off.

    • Kiri the Unicorn
    • Three Finger Salute

      Sounds like he got tired of Canada winning all the time and decided to pull that shit about Mother England instead.

      Every other civilized country has a universal healthcare policy in one way or another. We don’t. Therefore, the US has a tenuous claim to being labeled a civilized country.

    • bupkus231
  • La forza del resistino

    Donald announces Irma may be the most destructive and costly national event since Ivana and Marla took him to divorce court.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste
    • SDGeoff3

      Now that’s a great one. On so many levels.

    • janecita

      Marla didn’t get much:-(

      • OutOfOrbit

        pre-nup?

        • janecita

          Yup.

      • Vicki Lawrence’s Covfefe

        She got the one possibly not-terrible (adult) offspring at least.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          I have my fingers crossed that after seeing how her daughter turned out, now that her godawful husband isn’t her sole means of support Melania’s mom is raising her kid better.

        • BillEGoatSmirk

          As I recall, she got like a million bucks. But she got her daughter out early enough, and apparently that fucker Trump stayed away for the most part. I’d say she won the jackpot.

  • Picabo
    • SDGeoff3

      And drag them all out to sea.

    • puredog

      And nothing of value was lost.

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    Guys, if you haven’t read the latest from Ta’nehesi Coates in the Atlantic, please do. He’s amazing at pinning down exactly what I’ve been thinking lately; I’m just not eloquent enough to get to the point like he is.

    • jowgajen

      Well that’s why he gets paid the medium bucks.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Wow. Powerful stuff. I gave up on the Atlantic after they started pimping Ross Douthat. Maybe I should reconsider.

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        Oh, shit, and I just gave them money.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Oh, that was a few years back. Another friend recently told me the Atlantic was worth it again for Coates alone. From this piece, I’d tend to agree.

  • DainBramage

    Geez, Evan! It’s bad enough that I’m reading the parts near the end of The Lord of the Rings that make my eyes all leaky. Now you throw this sweet girl pitcher curveball at me? I need more kleenex.

  • Thiazin Red

    So what are people reading now?

    About halfway through Fevre Dream, GRR Martin’s vampires on the Mississippi. Its got the same attention to detail as Ice and Fire, and he makes an interesting choice in that the two POV characters are the normal steamboat captain who unknowingly goes into business with one, and the Renfield equivalent.

    • therblig

      just reread “The Lathe of Heaven”. working on “Uranium” and “Fear and Loathing in LV”, which I think I remember from college, but, for obvious reasons, not sure.

    • Resistance Fighter Astraea

      I’m a bit into Dragonsbane by Barbara Hambley. I read it when I was in high school in the late 90s and was curious to see how it held up since I’ve been having trouble finding good fantasy adventure novels. Loving it just as much so far.

      • DainBramage

        Love Barbara Hambly, though I haven’t read that one. Those Who Hunt the Night is a great vampire book and The Time of the Dark trilogy is scary as hell.

        • Resistance Fighter Astraea

          I’m not sure if I ever got around to reading her others. I thought I had, but when I looked through the titles they didn’t seem familiar. I probably will check them out once I’m done with Dragonsbane.

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        I don’t know if Ilona Andrews would be your cup of tea, also Patricia Briggs, though I think her Mercy series is running out of momentum.

        • Resistance Fighter Astraea

          Not sure. Are they urban fantasyish? I’m not usually too fond of those.

          • Rebel Scum with permit

            Yes. There’s some crossover but I understand it’s not for everyone. Both of them are a little more scholarly in weaving existing myths and folk tales into their writings. In my opinion, they are both way above True Blood type stuff.

          • Resistance Fighter Astraea

            Cool, I’ll check them out. I did like the Anita Blake series before Laurel K. Hamliton went off the rails.

      • Thiazin Red

        They’re categorized as YA, but the Beka Cooper series is pretty good. The lead character works for the city watch in a fantasy setting. Sort of like crime mysteries but with magic.

        • Resistance Fighter Astraea

          Yeah, I loved her Song of the Lioness Quartet when I was young and would have killed for all these other books by her. I’ve tried a lot of YA recs and generally have trouble really getting into them. I really like to read about older characters, it’s just hard to find, especially in fantasy.

          • Thiazin Red

            Now that I think about it, I’m having some trouble thinking of a fantasy I’ve read recently that was all older characters. Lies of Locke Lamora might be the last one.

          • Resistance Fighter Astraea

            Yeah, I try for at least post-teenage years and not about a coming of age story. Dragonsbane is about a woman who is 37 which is just amazing.

          • Thiazin Red

            Fifth Season and its sequels are about an older woman, and I think everyone is an adult in Grace of Kings. It is hard though.

    • Raan

      NHC forecasts.

    • Courser_Resistance

      “Giant of the Senate” by Al Franken.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      At one point I would have said that he needed to get busy and finish ASIAF but I don’t even care anymore. I thought his Dunk and Egg stories were charming, and I wish he’d write more. Will check out Fever Dream.
      Got 75% through James Michener’s Alaska and got bored. The history helps to understand how the state got red. Years of neglect, exploitation, and poor governance.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      “Twain and Stanley Enter Paradise,” by Oscar Hijuelos.

    • John Oliphant

      I found an online version of Hitchhiker’s Guide To the Galaxy. Even after reading it so many times, I still find things that I missed from before, or interpreted them differently this time. who knows?

    • Arolpin

      I’m working my way through the SImarillion right now. I kind of slacked off this summer, after working my way through most of Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman. I think I’m about to read some more GRR Martin once I finish this, then maybe work my way through Song of Ice & Fire again over the winter to prep for the final season.

    • Elder God’s Minion

      Reading Cibola Burn from the Expanse series. Another series of books that are infinitely better than the tv show.

  • Resistance Fighter Astraea

    Fuck Fox News

    The effects of CNN and MSNBC on centrist voters are mostly negligible; MSNBC, in 2000 and 2004, modestly increased odds of voting Republican, before it turned left in time for 2008. But Fox News increases Republican voting odds for centrists, for Democratic viewers, and even, in 2004 and 2008, for Republicans already strongly inclined to vote that way. Watching three minutes more of Fox News per week in 2008 would have made the typical Democratic or centrist voter 1 percentage point likelier to vote Republican that year.

    “Fox is substantially better at influencing Democrats than MSNBC is at influencing Republicans,” the authors find. While most Fox viewers are Republican, a sizable minority aren’t, and they’re particularly suggestible to the channel’s influence. In 2000, they estimate that 58 percent of Fox viewers who were initially Democrats changed to supporting the Republican candidate by the end of the election cycle; in 2004, the persuasion rate was 27 percent, and 28 percent in 2008. MSNBC, by contrast, only persuaded 8 percent of initial Republicans to vote Democratic in the 2008 cycle.

    http://www.lawyersgunsmoneyblog.com/2017/09/fox-news-effect-2

  • Three Finger Salute

    Speaking of kids and building cool stuff

    Two brothers, 5 and 8 years old, design toy ship and sail it from Scotland to Scandinavia

    How about that. Trump probably can’t figure out how to make a rubber duck float.

  • BloviateMe

    God damn it baseball, you usually make me cry cuz you’re boring. Stop making me like you. Fuckers.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    So you might be concerned about yourself or your family or other loved-ones in the path of (or trying to recover from) major hurricane damage, but don’t be selfish, dude. Donald needs your cash, for himself.
    https://twitter.com/sarahkendzior/status/906230718484885505

    • Raan

      He can go fuck a lemon.

      No, I didn’t mistype.

      • How about a cactus?

      • PixieThis

        What did that innocent lemon do to you?

        • Raan

          Life wouldn’t take it back, and I assume Trump has enough syphilis to make it combustible.

  • Wolf Tracker

    Serious question: If your bank/ATM closed suddenly tomorrow and you had to evacuate would you have enough cash on hand?

    Looks like alot of Florida people can’t even get to their accounts to get cash.

    When the storm hits banks will be closed, power off to ATM’s and stores will only accept cash because internet will be out for CC transactions.

    One of the hazards of an online economy.

    • Courser_Resistance

      Enough? Can you ever have enough cash? But yes, I have a modest cash stash at home.

      • Wolf Tracker

        I keep most of my savings at home but I wonder if many people could last a week on just their cash on hand since I rarely see cash used at stores anymore?

    • Shanzgood

      If nobody can get to their cash, one has to presume the stores are cut off as well, even to make change, so what’s the going currency?

      • Wolf Tracker

        I think most stores keep enough cash on had to operate on a cash only basis and would keep getting cash for purchases to make change.

        May have to round up or down to preserve coin change.

        You may end up trying to bargain with your other valuables for a gallon of water or gas.

        • Shanzgood

          Have you ever worked retail at a cash register?

          • Wolf Tracker

            Yes actually for seven years before I went to college I worked at and then managed a convenience store and again when I was in college.

            They all have a safe with enough change and bills to start the next day.

          • Shanzgood

            During and in days leading up to a Cat 5 hurricane?

          • Wolf Tracker

            Probably even have more on hand since they will be aware CC transactions won’t work and people will have cash instead.

            I started this question to help people prepare for a disaster which is something I am very familiar with from my many years in volunteer for the ARC.

          • Good_Gawd_Yall

            And that was a wonderful point – I had never given it a minute’s thought.

          • Wolf Tracker

            Thank you!

          • Shanzgood

            Too late.

          • notaten

            He is obviously like, 120 years old. From what I’ve seen, he’s been a cop, teacher, jail guard, counselor, cashier, doctor lawyer indian chief.Myself, I try to fast forward through this guys posts. But that’s just me.

          • Wolf Tracker

            Yes I could not possibly have held a job before going to college where I started a career teaching in treatment centers while also volunteering with the ARC,

            You are LYING about the rest which I have never claimed and I do not appreciate that.

          • notaten

            I don’t lie as a rule, I’m just going off of what I have seen you post before about working in law enforcement, counseling, teaching, etc. If I am mistaken, well, maybe my math skills need work. I don’t know, 20 years as a teacher + 20 years in law enforcement + ? years counseling drug offenders + all of the years of education required to do all of those things? Even taking into account that some of those things could overlap, I still think you are a self-important asshole. Just my opinion.
            Oh, and in case it isn’t clear, I think you are an asshole. Have a nice life.

          • Wolf Tracker

            No you are not and you are lying.

            I spent over 20 years as a teacher in treatment centers and prisons where I of course worked closely with law enforcement since it was my education decisions that was also use to grant parole.

            I also volunteered with the ARC and tought community safety classes on the weekends and worked into a management position to help people.

            I know maybe that is something superhuman and impossible to you but it is really not and is my life.

            Have a great day!

          • Wolf Tracker

            I spent over 20 years as a teacher in treatment centers and prisons where I of course worked closely with law enforcement since it was my education decisions that was also use to grant parole.

            I also volunteered with the ARC and tought community safety classes on the weekends and worked into a management position to help people.

            I know maybe that is something superhuman and impossible to you but it is really not and is my life.

            Have a great day!

          • Shanzgood

            I’m trying but, JHMC, no matter what he’s done and/or been in life, the arrogance is annoying.

        • Wolf Tracker

          Added: probably a good idea to not have just big bills and keep some singles and fivers in your emergency stash.

          • John Oliphant

            I would just keep adding to the pile till I got my $20’s worth.

        • John Oliphant

          “””WINK””” see anything you like? “””WINK”””

          • Wolf Tracker

            I wasn’t going to go there but I was offered many things when I worked retail late at night.

      • notaten

        And, don’t get caught carrying TOO much cash, esp. if not correctly pigmented in the skin, because it can be seized by law enforcement because, obviously, must be profits from some kind of crime. How much is too much cash, you ask? Well, depending on your pigmentation, two 20″s may be OK, but four tens, or any combo of smaller bills, obviously is the result of all your criming.

        • Wolf Tracker

          Nice job taking the discussion off topic but I was trying to help people prepare for a disaster.

          • Shanzgood

            You obviously either don’t know shit about civil forfeiture laws or have any reason to worry about how arbitrarily they’re applied.

          • Wolf Tracker

            AND there is the personal attacks.

            Have a great day!

          • Shanzgood

            Report me.

          • Wolf Tracker

            Just sad that you and your clique felt the need to come on my post that was intended to help people prepare for a disaster and maybe ease their stress at this stressful time for your little personal vendetta.

            Very Sad!

          • Shanzgood

            Need some grease to help you move those goalposts?

          • Shanzgood

            Also, the people who needed to prepare and were able to get gone are GONE already. Jeezus.

          • notaten

            Because you are THE expert on everything, ever. I bow to your expertise on ALL THE THINGS! My bad. Have fun living your paranoid little life in your own private little world, where you know all the things about all of the things. I comment on here like, once a month, so leave me alone. I have heard from guys like you all of my life, you are just another misogynistic narrow-minded fool, in a long list of narrow-minded misogynistic fools I have dealt with all of my life. You add nothing to the conversation here, and you are definitely NOT one of the non-commenters I am interested in hearing from. Go away, little boy/girl whatever.

          • Shanzgood

            He lives in a bunker with his own solar power and backup generator and munitions and 2 years worth of food and water. What a shock, right?

          • Wolf Tracker

            Yes because solar power and being prepared is soooo bad!

          • notaten

            We will always defer to your expertise. There, does that make you feel good, enough so that you will just go away?

          • Wolf Tracker

            Old adage “If you can’t say anything good….”

          • notaten

            You know, you are right! I have nothing good to say about you or to you, so now I am going away, to interact with real people, who like me and I enjoy being around! You are a geeeenious! Oh, and if I forgot to say it earlier, Fuck off, and have a nice life!!

          • Shanzgood

            Solar power is great! Being an arrogant dickface, not so much.

          • Wolf Tracker

            Yes because solar power and being prepared is soooo bad!

          • Shanzgood

            It’d be nicer if you weren’t such a dick about it. Prolly don’t make no sense tho.

      • weejee
      • TundraGrifter

        Immediately after The Pretty Big One back in ’89, when the stores reopened and sold what they could many people were paying with small bills and lots of change because that’s all they had on hand. It didn’t take long for the corner stores and shops to have the ability to make change – especially if you were willing to take it in quarters.

    • John Oliphant

      I usually have $100 in my wallet in cash and stashes of coins in the car and in a jar on top of the fridge.

      • Wolf Tracker

        That is good and would probably get you through a couple of days if you have enough food and water at home.

        Never hurts to add your pocket change to that stash so it builds up.

  • notaten

    I’m kinda in a foul mood tonight, what with DACA and hurricanes and fires and smoke, but then I see old Crazy Rita here, and I am much happier. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/8ca10f4eb7d25032e5ec48b7c00b06b953d123b8e805de7a6f9daf853450ce68.jpg
    She came to me via my elderly neighbor who has full on dementia, long sad story really, but now I have this neat cat. She is pretty elderly herself, I think, but she is pretty cool.

  • La forza del resistino

    The little girl is adorable. I would suggest she not visit Philly cuz those fans can be nasty. They almost killed Santa with snowballs.

    • MrTusks

      That Santa was drunk and totally deserved it!

  • Three Finger Salute

    Donnie really is obsessed with the size of his dick.

    Trump is unhappy that a Kuwaiti emir has a longer… plane than he does

    Kubrick hit the nail on the head. War is little more than a dick-measuring contest among insecure and childish men.

    • mancityRed6

      shoulda gone into middle east oil.
      truth is, my ex father in law paid me about $2000 to type up a report he would sell for about $15k on where the oil is in Iraq.
      as an Iraqi born geologist, he should know.
      also, his name was Jawzi.

    • John Oliphant

      Little hands, little mind, little crank, drives them crazy.

  • Ricky Gay

    This is a nice story. Now I shall have a fine weekend – and you should too!

    • Suse

      At last, a nice story! I will be busy this weekend repairing dry rot in exterior house trim. Fun!

      • Ricky Gay

        That does sound like fun!!! /s

  • Suse

    Anyone heard from Angela Ruzzo? She couldn’t get a hold of her sister in Mexico last night. Also, has Bad kitty checked in? I know I’m missing some others who are in potential danger. Would appreciate an update.

    • OutOfOrbit

      communications disruptions will be the norm for awhile so donut let incommunicatos bring you down

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Bad Kitty mentioned that he Mama cat and the kitties had a safe place to stay with friends or family. Not sure whether they’re currently in transit. Don’t know about Angela.

  • Serai 1
    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Enjoy jail, asshole.

    • hendenburg2

      Thank god he doesn’t learn.

    • mancityRed6

      this won’t play well at the sentencing
      and they’re already trying to revoke his bail.

    • Suse

      Are we sure he’s not another Drumpf offspring?

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      I actually seriously think there’s something wrong with him. It’s like he can’t understand social cues or social mores or how to behave normally.

      • mancityRed6

        think?
        glass half full or half empty, quick!

      • Parakeetist

        American Psycho cues all over the place.

      • Doug Langley

        It’s like he really believes he’s a character in Atlas Shrugged.

      • Three Finger Salute

        The autism is strong with this one? Is that why the ‘chansites use the term “weaponized autism”?

        • Shanzgood

          None of the people I know on the autism spectrum are either criminals or assholes.

      • Jamoche

        Or just doesn’t gaf. It’s hard to scam people out of their money without some people skills.

    • John Oliphant

      I get the feeling he might be looking forward to a little shower time on Riker’s Island.

      • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

        You are assuming he takes a shower. He looks so greasy water prolly rolls right off him.

        • John Oliphant

          Did not say he was there to get clean, if you know what I mean. Oops, guess Martie dropped the soap again. So naughty.

          • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

            Definitely no soap on a rope for him as part of his punishment.

    • amrak63

      I don’t get it. Does he think Hillary is somehow responsible for his being prosecuted?

  • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

    She truly is badass and so is that bionic hand. I love that photo with the shades.

  • thewendyb

    These are not years this is eyeball sweat.
    HA!
    Truth is I am proud to be a human, and capable of crying over how fierce that child iswasever shall be!

    • John Oliphant

      My eyeballs started sweating also, funny how that happens.

  • mancityRed6
    • John Oliphant

      Guns ‘N Roses is playing across the street from my house at the Alamodome tonight. So, yeh fun and dancing will be on tap tonight. ZZ Top is warming up for them. Double bonus for $75 bucks.

      • mancityRed6

        Rollins has a note in one of his books, ’86 I think, where he talks about helping out at a show and the opening band just kicked ass.
        it was Guns ‘N Roses.

      • Jamoche

        A friend of mine was in a dinky little bar when ZZ Top just showed up and played a set for the fun of it – they were on tour and wanted to take a break from arenas.

  • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly
    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      I would sit this one out.

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

    With the greatest of respect to Hailey, her medical team and the hundreds of others directly or indirectly involved, I am reminded of our dreams from long ago of a time like today when we can use technology and human ingenuity to make our lives better.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Wd6IuVya4M

  • PixieThis

    This is the best cry I’ve had all week!

  • natoslug

    Following up on yesterday’s discussion of abominable beers . . . I was given a choice of beverages tonight.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/420f8a1aa865d292096c45a4df1f6096efb7a9185e151f030fd2a2e51b08b439.jpg
    or
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/fcbed152f7ebcfdcc8d2905819cbe69d466512f032d45cade04ae0c357c9bff5.jpg

    Can you tell which one I am going to drink? And not just because it is 22oz rather than 12 oz . . .

    • mancityRed6

      stout?
      dad bought a miller dark way, way back in the day and I was mystified.
      and so I became 21 and brought him a Heineken dark 5 pack.
      yeah
      he doesn’t like the guinness as much as I do.

      • natoslug

        Well, in this case, the stout supposedly tastes like blueberry and maple, which sound excellent as part of a waffle or pancake. I want my beer to taste like water, malts, and hops tonight.

        • Beanz&Berryz

          I shoulda scrolled down to see the answer I thought I had cleverly reached on my own…

        • mancityRed6

          beer should taste like beer.
          at the guinness brewery, through the St James gate, they have a bar on the top floor. if you take the tour, they take a plug out of the little plastic thing they give you and you get a free guinness.
          best I’ve ever had.
          the ex wasn’t that into it, so they offered her a shot of black currant. she liked it.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      BOT,K.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Blueberries are good, but not hardly ever in beer… The IPA bomber….

    • Doug Langley

      Wait, there was a discussion about beer? And nobody included this classic?

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/dd2d9544ac626ab5c1aae4d6da27f9b1546b3df4f473a37b56b2f18f58dbcce0.jpg

      • natoslug

        We were discussing beers, not abortions.

    • altleftjohn

      And while we’re bitching about beer, what the fuck is up with all of this cider all of a sudden? It’s taking up valuable space where more beer could be.

      • natoslug

        Tell me about it — I’ve got 100 gallons clogging all of my fermenters! Once I get that crap out and into bottles, I can go back to making crappy beer.

    • Three Finger Salute

      I didn’t know Fall River MA had a brewing company. ‘Gansett I knew about.

      • natoslug

        This particular Fall River is in Burney, CA. They have a tasting room in Redding, CA, and some pretty good beers. Their Hexagenia IPA and Lip Ripa (tripe rye IPA) are awesome.

      • BillEGoatSmirk

        I’m about 50 miles from there so I checked…only a local operation called Troy City Brewing…. Naragansett is RI. They have a brand new brewery in Pawtucket. Fascinating history, as they’re 125 years old.

        http://www.narragansettbeer.com/our-story

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • jesterpunk

      I thought BillO went to a farm upstate a while ago?

      • It was the universe’s birthday present to me

        • mancityRed6

          he’s not dead yet.

        • jesterpunk

          For your next birthday can you ask the universe for a bigger present? Like maybe Trump, his whole cabinet and GOP leadership removed from office?

        • OutOfOrbit

          what we watchin tonight?

      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        I think, if I remember correctly, he was “on vacation” while they decided his fate.

    • mancityRed6

      I’ll buy a cactus for him to sit upon.

    • natoslug

      Tonight on Fox News . . . now 3% less rapey!

      • mancityRed6

        just 3…oh, wait, Douchey

        • natoslug

          And Dead Ailes.

  • mancityRed6

    this whole post made me search for Army of Darkness 3
    my bad
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lsU1t2vkURg

  • Alexander Stallwitz
    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Well, eventually it will dissipate, so she’s right about that.

    • Fifth-and-a-Half Element

      Oh but if I went ’round sayin’ I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they’d put me away.

    • “Calling King Canute on the white courtesy phone…”

    • Three Finger Salute

      Everybody else knows this won’t work, ‘scept ‘er.

      • Rasilom

        That was way way way to pun ishing… I’ll leave now…

  • mancityRed6

    as the date rolls on to 9/17, I am really trying to stop the emotions before they start
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8TTPCGbNJsg

    • WomanInThePersistence

      9/17?

      • mancityRed6

        9/16 and 9/17 were the last wedding anniversaries.
        it was the same wedding.
        see, I can remember them?
        and 9/17 was when I got the keys to my brand new apartment.
        oh, joy!

        • WomanInThePersistence

          *hugs*

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!
  • Picabo
    • therblig

      a-firm-a-tive

  • Serai 1
    • hendenburg2

      To be fair, “lukewarm bowl of water” describes the Disney princess personality pretty well. Maybe not the newer ones

  • Doug Langley

    Decent day at work. boss was civil, mostly because we didn’t talk much. She did pop up at one point to see how I was doing. “Well, I emptied the boxes and put the files on the shelves and put the empty boxes in the other room. I put them on the bottom shelves.” She said “Yeah, we had to move them to make way for all the boxes that arrived. Well, you didn’t know that.”

    You can’t win.

  • I, for one, welcome our new bionic baseball overlord.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    My irish and italian coastal ancestors share a blood type with the vikings. I’d really like to think it’s because she met a fetching guy.

    https://twitter.com/nicolaz/status/906276210593992704

    • Thiazin Red

      I remember reading a while ago that when people actually analyze the bones, it turns out that there are plenty of women buried with “male” grave goods and men buried with “female” ones. But for a long time people just assumed anything with a weapon must be a man.

      I would also like very much for her to get on with the Hild sequel.

    • therblig

      Eowyn?

    • hendenburg2

      Uh, yeah, that’s not news. We’ve long known that Vikings had Shieldmaidens, women warriors who defended their villages and kept the peace. In fact, we’ve known about it for long enough that Tolkien wrote them into Lord of the Rings.

      We also have historical records of hundreds of female knights from all across medieval Europe

      • Panika MCD

        they had magic fires around their tents!

        • John Oliphant

          and most probably, inside as well.

    • John Oliphant

      I am an Oliphant, Vikings sexed up Scots and produced my lineage in the court of Eric The Bruce. That is the story that I heard.

    • Panika MCD

      all you have to do is read Norse sagas to figure that one out. come on, white dudes! quit thinking your sperm is somehow special! you are not all Volsungs.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste
    • Beanz&Berryz

      She is NO man!

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Lagartha? Is that you?

      • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

        Hell, yes.

  • WomanInThePersistence

    I’ve been watching the weather news. Floridians, I’m thinking of you.

    https://youtu.be/ySO-gryuO-c

  • Baseball is the very best sport. Weird and wonderful fan interactions, beautiful displays of athleticism interspersed with funny moments of innocent dimwittery, no concussions to speak of, and moments like this.

    If only the Cubs World Series victory hadn’t been the harbinger of the End Times, it would be perfect.

    • altleftjohn

      If Cleveland wins we’ll know we’re fucked.

      • Ωbjectifier

        About that. They are 84-56 with a 10 game win streak.
        Winter is coming.

    • Three Finger Salute

      95% of the MLB is going to get deported to the Blue Jays. Pretty soon it’ll be Canada’s second sporting pastime. America’s will be football, a gladiator contest of head-bashing, sweaty muscle men (some of whom are called tight ends) wearing neon spandex leggings and dancing in the “end zone,” who really, really, really want everyone to know that this sport is 100% in no way gay.

      Either that or NASCAR and WWE.

      • DrBigHead

        I will NEVER surrender baseball!

  • Panika MCD

    Hurricane Jazzy watch:

    she is doing really good with learning “sit” (the best way to get her to calm down when she sees a stressor) and has an adoption event on Sunday with her favorite squishy foster uncle (oh, yes–the Jazz Mahal must have a squishy dad-person to lay atop!). Calliope Jane also clued her in that “time out” in a crate is not the worst thing in the world and that CJ used to get it for “run out the front door”. fingers crossed for a furever home!

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Oh good luck!

    • mancityRed6

      let her smell the treat in your hand and pass it up and past her nose.
      while saying sit.

      • Panika MCD

        I have to use her medicated food (because: butthole problems), but yes.

  • Suttree

    Awwweee! Hailey is a badass! I’m am not tearing up at all! That is vodka in my eyes.

    • Panika MCD

      is that beer in your lap or am I crying all over you?

      • Shanzgood

        PANIKA!

        • Panika MCD

          what? you have the only lap I can cry on?

          • Shanzgood

            No, you got free rein, I’m good! I was just surprised!

  • mailman27

    So, I haven’t reviewed all 647 comments so far, but I am silently pleading to the stars above that the Phillies are getting on board. Come on, you lovable losers. And I don’t mean that in a bad way.

    • Suttree

      Will Lenny Dystra show up? Hehe, from a Mets fan.

  • Suttree

    So yay! Second day of work went well. I am going in tomorrow also too. I am starting to figure out the shop pretty well. Not too bad for day 2. My back is sore, but that was to be expected. Not super painful sore, just “wow” I have been working sore. Boos is so far rather cool. I am liking where I am at right now!

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      I hadn’t heard you found a new job. I am so happy for you. Hope it continues to go well, and leads to good things for you!

      • Suttree

        Thank you Ms. MLG!

        • OutOfOrbit

          MLG is sweet and nice

          • Ms.MLG on Maui

            Stop telling people that! I am evil and dark and dangerous and terrible!!

          • SDGeoff3

            How well I remember!

          • Ms.MLG on Maui

            See! SDGeoff gets me!

          • OutOfOrbit

            i will go back under my rock & be quiet

          • Ms.MLG on Maui

            Goddammit. Now I have to crawl under there with you.

          • OutOfOrbit

            better bring a bucket of cold water

          • Ms.MLG on Maui

            Do you smell like cheese?

          • Rasilom

            Well yeah but we here like evil and dark and dangerous people like you so no worries!

          • puredog

            A wart upon the islands.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            I find you terrifying. Just sayin’.

          • Ms.MLG on Maui

            Thank you very much!

          • Shanzgood

            Not like you.

          • OutOfOrbit

            nope

          • Suttree

            Yes she is! Pretty also too! Jonny on Maui is a lucky man!

          • Ms.MLG on Maui

            COMMENT OF THE YEAR MATERIAL RIGHT HERE! ;)

          • Magyar Has Had It Up To Here

            And humble, also, too

          • Ms.MLG on Maui

            The most humble person evah.

    • SDGeoff3

      The first few days are always unnerving. You’re going to do very well there.
      Are you able to exercise or do some water aerobics? Yoga?

      • Suttree

        Nope. Just stretching and mild work outs at home. I have been out of work forever. I just do the stretches and exercises that my physical therapist gave me.

    • mancityRed6

      get those things that stick and put the heat on
      they worked for me

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      glad to hear it buddy!

      i start tuesday.

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        Nice to hear of good things happening to people for a damn change.

        • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

          thanks!
          Mine’s an unpaid internship, but I need the damn experience, so I’ll take it.

          Also, it’s an government office that does stuff I’m interested in and the attorneys I may be working with seemed pretty cool. (they all do, till you screw something up ; ) )

          • Ms.MLG on Maui

            It’s gonna lead to a good job!

      • Suttree

        Yay! Good for us!

  • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

    Grrr:

    Defense attorney: Your honor, the plaintiff herself has had admitted to having consensual sex in the past.Judge: Case dismissed! pic.twitter.com/8CbbKE9oL5— MoaNaSheTwitnt (@OhNoSheTwitnt) September 8, 2017

    • Shanzgood

      What is this, 1958 again?

      • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

        Hey, that’s when I was born. And NASA!

        I like to think of myself as a star child.

        –thank you, Carl Sagan

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      Haven’t rape victims been going through that since forever?

      • notaten

        YES

      • Suse

        Since time immemorial!

    • Suse

      I expect nothing less from the douchebags. I really want out of this country.

      • mancityRed6

        even with the economy there, I wish I’d stayed in the UK.

      • SDGeoff3

        My Swedish studies are going very well. Seriously. I have a few distant relatives and colleagues there, and I am thinking of visiting for a couple of months.
        But leaving SoCal….oy.

    • Panika MCD

      somehow I think the majority of judges in the country just did a coordinated face-palm.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Vast majority, I hope…

        • Resistance Fighter Astraea

          I think that’s optimistic.

      • Shanzgood

        Not enough.

    • John Oliphant

      JBS III has got to go. He is a malignant anal wart on the Justice System of this country. Come on Donnie John call him something evil and cruel on Twitter. Please???

      • proudgrampa

        After all, he did rescind DACA.

    • Three Finger Salute

      “it’s a trap… if you don’t do it, you’re a prude, but once you do…. you’re a slut.”

      Ally Sheedy in the Breakfast Club

  • Magyar Has Had It Up To Here

    What The Actual Fuck!?!???!???!!!11 I teared up and I DON’T LIKE KIDS

    !!!111!!!

    • mancityRed6

      noisy little bastards, but she seems nice.

    • Panika MCD

      I have a dog for you!

      • mancityRed6

        I’d have two if this was a year ago.
        *sobs*
        dammit

        • WomanInThePersistence

          *more hugs*

          • mancityRed6

            I’m actually doing my best to ignore her on the face space.
            until I had to point out last week that Spuds McKenzie was in fact, a female.

        • Panika MCD
          • mancityRed6

            not in my apartment, and not not with me being gone for at least 11 hours a day for four days a week.
            I wish, but cannot.

          • Panika MCD

            oh, no. you can’t have Jazzy. the Jazz Mahal must have a backyard and pet door! but there are many APA! dogs that need homes and you can visit.

          • mancityRed6
          • Panika MCD

            we have free kitty adoptions until the end of the month!

          • mancityRed6

            I know my limits, two is enough.
            I had the weird dreams snuggling up to Karl last nigh with Pippa at my back.

          • Panika MCD

            but…3 cats?

          • mancityRed6

            yeah, it limited our renting scope. one of them went back to the UK, one passed 6 years ago (Brady), I still have the Pippa.

          • mancityRed6

            I used to have both.
            dammit.

          • mancityRed6

            sweet looking, though.

          • proudgrampa

            Terminator Dog.

      • Magyar Has Had It Up To Here

        My cat, Cat, would kill it. Pitbulls are afraid of her. (Slight exaggeration – but the neighbor’s boxer really is traumatized by the time she came over to say hello and my monster attacked her face).

        • Panika MCD

          Jazzy needs that kind of kitty sib!

  • mancityRed6

    I’m in a loop.
    and I want you all to like All instead of Descendants.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WVeOuWH1i4o

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      ALL!

      • mancityRed6

        this song scares and depresses me
        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yNDrYa9DXjE

        • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

          I met Milo in Austin once…my and buddy interviewed him for our college tv show (it was an excuse to see shows for free).

          We saw steve in the crowd that night too.

          • mancityRed6

            Austin, we were going down to 6th or 7th street and a guy dropped a vial of crack and only one of us stepped around it ’cause it was visible.
            and then there was the big guy in the bar with the swastika tattoo.
            wait, BIG guy.
            and we all made jokes about going up to him.
            this was ’99.

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            aw, right after I left.

            I saw marilyn manson on the street once (I lived for a time above a bar on sixth street).

  • mancityRed6
  • hudson

    adorbs^n

  • Jonny On Maui

    Is it just me or does Ricky Martin not age?

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      him and fucking johnny depp.

      • Panika MCD

        except only one has been accused of intimate partner violence…

        • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

          ah shit. I didn’t know that.

          • Panika MCD

            it’s not Ricky…

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            yeah, I assumed that.

          • Three Finger Salute

            Not Keanu either.

          • SDGeoff3

            He seems nice.

      • jesterpunk
        • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

          aye, indeed.

          (I worked on a keanu movie once. He rehearsed a simple shot many many times. I think that’s why people think he’s so wooden.)

        • Panika MCD

          BILL AND TED 4EVA!

    • proudgrampa

      I hate people like that…

      • Three Finger Salute

        lol, I thought we liked Trudeau here.

    • SDGeoff3

      In my gay opinion, he’s gone to pot since he came out and got gaysex married. I predict he will be having Work done.

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      I don’t know about him, but his songs didn’t age well. I read this story to the Mr and he was sure RM was responsible for The Macarena. Although I ended up proving that it was, in fact, Living La Vida Loca, which makes me right (the most important thing in a musical disagreement), now I’ve got The Fucking Macarena stuck in my head! Tis fair in a partnership, but I suspect he planned to give me an earworm all along.

  • Panika MCD

    bitches be like, “I eat yo nose! with allllll the boogies! eat yo nose! eat yo boogies!”

  • La forza del resistino

    “Eric Bolling and Fox have agreed to part ways amicably,” the network said. “We thank Eric for his ten years of service to our loyal viewers and wish him the best of luck.”
    Sincerest condolences to his family who will have to spend more time with him.

    • mancityRed6

      “get the fuck out” is not amicable.

  • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

    thank you I needed this.

    (Also too, I am not crying…but probably am stinky)

    • mancityRed6

      oh, good, not just me.

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        it’s a guy thing…and I sweat in my sleep.

  • Panika MCD

    sounds like we have the votes to use some ESF (it is NOT a rainy day fund so quit calling it that!) for Harvey relief. that is not an excuse to not get more funds from the feds. we’d only use the funds above the strategic balance of $7.5B (which has a lot to do with highway funding which will also be needed) and I will have to sit through another fucking bathroom bill hearing if they call a special session.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Are there topic limits for special sessions?

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        don’t get her started on “the call”.

        (Kidding P!)

      • Panika MCD

        whatever the gov puts on it, but people will file things hoping to get them on the call and can go through the whole process without being added to the call and still be upheld by law so long as the governor signs the bill (not necessary during a regular cycle). there is case law on it.

        • Beanz&Berryz

          What’s the regular session schedule?

          • Panika MCD

            January 10 through the next 140 days of odd years.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            Oregon: 160 calendar days odd-numbered years, and 35 calendar days in even-numbered years. I thought we could almost do that cuz we’re kinda small… but TX is not small…

          • Panika MCD

            nope. and we rarely go without a special session. to be fair: the only thing they are constitutionally required to do is pass a budget. but other necessities like complying with federal court rulings and passing Sunset bills also has to happen.

          • Panika MCD

            special sessions are extra 30 days sometimes called “legislative overtime”.

        • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

          “the call”!

          ; p

          • Panika MCD

            that’s what it’s called and it is more accurate than “rainy day fund”, THANK YOU!

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            Panika the pedant.

            ; p

          • Panika MCD

            and I have the Mother Fucking Asshole’s degree to back it up, SON!

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            will be future AA – make me “Another Asshole”?

          • Panika MCD

            maybe.

    • h4rr4r

      Whatever you call it all I hear is a low tax state has funds on hand but wants my tax money to spend instead.

      Perhaps we should require zoning laws to gain access to some kinds of aid. Not saying withhold it now, only require it as a condition of getting the money.

      • Panika MCD

        a) Houston is one of the few places in TX without zoning and I still find it weird. Austin is in the process of updating many of our codes including making our zoning more contemporary. I think Houston should take this opportunity to impose zoning.

        b) ESF is oil and gas royalties. we started dedicating part of that to the newly minted State Highway Fund a few years ago. it’s for making up for oil and gas royalties when that sector has a shit year.

        • h4rr4r

          A) I think it should be required. Federal tax dollars should not be used to subsidize building in inappropriate places. If they dislike big government so much ….

          B) I fear federal dollars will be spent to subsidize continued low tax rates. I don’t think this money should be held seperately, mind you the whole sum could be spent highway repairs after this kind of storm.

          • Panika MCD

            SHF has $80B over the next decade outside of what we already give to TxDOT because we constitutionally dedicated some funding headed for ESF to it (half over the strategic balance) and some gas tax revenue. but I’d rather put a bunch of it toward schools because it would help affected ISDs and keep districts like AISD a fucking break. (our property taxes being recaptured to send to other districts has quadrupled in the past 5 years, is now higher than what we send to the city of Austin and is 25% of all recaptured ISD $$$ in the state. is bullshit.)

          • h4rr4r

            I personally wish all schools got the same funding. The idea that schools in nice cities should be better than elsewhere I think has contributed to our current problem.

        • h4rr4r

          I might be wrong, but I thought the majority of Texas had little to no building codes. There are half million people in texas living in colonias.

          • Panika MCD

            wrong. TX mandates that all local governments use IBC and almost all of them–Von Ormy and other “liberty cities” excepted–have added regs related to likely disasters which may befall their area.

          • h4rr4r

            I meant that by area, much of Texas has no real local government. Unincorporated areas I mean. How is that handled?

            I have seen plenty of structures not up to any code in my travels in Texas. Perhaps the code exists and the enforcement is lacking. Things that clearly were put up without any permits.

          • Panika MCD

            it’s handled by the counties.

            there’s also too grandfather clauses which are not unique to us.

          • h4rr4r

            Some of this stuff I suspected to be recent, as it didn’t look like it would last.

            Lot’s of places have trouble with enforcement. If you allow building without permits you might as well not bother with codes.

          • Panika MCD

            we don’t we just have really lax grandfather clauses.

  • Three Finger Salute

    Bobby Boucher’s “entrepreneur” cousin Billy is the dibble. He’s ornery like a alligator cuz-a his medulla oblongata.

    Chicago man wanted on hate crime charges after bizarre “slave” rant against black man who spilled coffee on him outside a Starbucks

    (emphasis added)

    A Chicago man has been hit with hate crime charges after launching a racist tirade earlier this year after a black man spilled some coffee on his suit. 23-year-old William “Billy” Boucher was recorded June 6 calling black passersby “vermin” and “slave” outside a Starbucks in the Loop neighborhood and then punching an older man and spitting on two other people.

    “Shut up, slave!” Boucher shouted during the incident. “Do not talk to me!”

    Boucher also referred to the man as livestock and suggested he should be tagged with a bar code involving his Social Security number.

    “Get on all fours!” he yelled. “Do not walk on those two legs! You don’t deserve to walk on two legs, vermin.”

    Boucher, who describes himself on Facebook as an entrepreneur, told a Cook County judge during a July court hearing that he makes about $1,200 a month trading stocks online and running two marketing firms.

    He asked the court to appoint a public defender in his case.

    Ha! Hypocrite. Know what pays for public defender? Taxes! Which includes everyone in the public, including black people!

    Also, if you get a look at his picture…. (sigh) this is one reason people don’t like “nerds” all that much. We’re not all this guy. But that’s the poster child, sadly. Insecure, socially awkward prick who thinks he’s a genius and has the right to look down on others because he’s “better” than they are and was always “misunderstood” by his lessers. Him, Shkreli, Kalanick, and Zuckerberg. More like revenge of the turds if you ask me.

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      Racist Assholes are the DEVIL, Bobby Boucher!

    • h4rr4r

      $1200 a month, not much of a stock nerd.

    • Dazza

      $1,200 a month? I am a brown-bag-lunch wage slave and I make more than that. I don’t punch down and treat people as if they are objects. I also save my money so I can afford a barrister AND give to my favourite charities (and Wonkette, of course).

      Bootstraps Chicago racist dude, or GTFO!

  • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

    soooo, Netflix havers, a bunch of new shit just dropped.

    I can finally watch season 7 of the TWD, Blacklist Season 4 is on, Ripper Street Season 5 is up.

    And I was going ot get stuff done today.

    Harrumph.

    • OutOfOrbit

      Blacklist! i’m on it

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        IKR?
        It had some oddly good episodes.

        • OutOfOrbit

          yup yup yup!

    • notaten

      Did not know Ripper Street had another season! It is so dark and violent, I love that show! Uhmm, not that I am dark and violent, or anything, cuz I’m totally not, really.

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        no worries, it’s a good show. I was surprised too.

  • OneYieldRegular

    I’m late to this Hailey story, but awesome.

    Can she flip off Infowars “reporters” too?

  • mancityRed6

    this does not go out to Florida
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DtQOlErK2bI

  • Suttree

    I cannot remember if I have told y’all about the shop cat.

    • jesterpunk

      What about shop cat?

      • Suttree

        Shop cat is an itty bitty tiny baby! But apparently she has already had a litter. I find that hard to believe because she might be about 4 lbs.But she comes over and gives me meows! And then lets me rub her and hug her and call her George. I still don’t know her name. But she has very very quiet purrrrrs. But when she is getting the good loving, she squints, turns one ear back, and sticks her tongue out about an 1/8th of an inch! And the she rolls over to try an trick me into rubbing her belly. I see the claws come out little kitty. It’s a trap!

        • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

          i’m holding you to those pictures you lucky duck.

          • Suttree

            Don’t you worry! There will be a whole lot of pictures! Meow meow meow

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      you mentioned seeing one.

      Any pics? Is it an awesome shop cat?

      (I saw some stable cats at a horse racetrack once.)

      • Suttree

        Not yet. I am sans a phone. A new phone may come two weeks from now, and then I will take pictures of this cute little calico(?).

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Um, no. A cat that helps do your shopping? Sign me up!

      • The Flaming Carrot

        Yeah, but you’ll end up with nothing in your cart but herring, tuna, and those little bitty cloth mice.

      • Suttree

        “Here is a mouse on your doorstep!”
        -Shop Kitty

    • mancityRed6

      the bookstore (!) downtown had a couple.
      and the outdoor store had one they would trim up like a lion in the summer.
      fuck, I miss Lawrence.
      http://worldonline.media.clients.ellingtoncms.com/img/photos/2009/06/01/go_downtown_pets_stanley_t460.jpg?926875e5be5f93a8dc1e86b8d949ee54b77d1e0d

      • Suttree

        I have had a few big poofy orange kitties. I have never shaved them to look like a lion though.

        • mancityRed6

          they had the little fake tents showing you a scale model of what you could get.
          it lived in one, I think

          • Suttree

            My first little floof “Mimi” had to take a bath because she had fleas. She was only 1/3rd of the size that she presented as. :)

          • mancityRed6

            El Pollo Loco, whom I got for free outside of a Walmart (he was gonna be put down the next day)< gave me a nice gift of worms all over my carpet not long after I got him.

          • Suttree

            Poor “Crazy Chicken”!

          • mancityRed6

            the little bastard made me call in sick one night when I couldn’t find him.
            that was the second time it happened.

          • Suttree

            I was once living with a gf that had 2 Siamese kitties. One evening I was walking out the back door and one kitty got out. These were inside kitties! I walked the neighborhood to no avail. Luckily kitty came back about 10 minutes before the girlfriend came home. I took a pretty good ass chewing for that. Remind me never to be honest again. :p

          • mancityRed6

            once, he was hiding in the towel cupboard. another time the other cat got caught in the hall pantry.
            really, these weren’t big houses, or apartments. I’m just using fancy words.

          • Suttree

            One time living with a gf’s cat. We could never figure out why the cat would be outside when it was just inside and we had not opened any doors. Corner cabinet in the kitchen had a hole in it. We didn’t stick any pots or pans in there and had no idea. We would have never know unless we saw Ruby Roo walk in there and close the cabinet door behind her.

        • Martini Ambassador 🍸

          They did that to my orange guy one year (miscommunication with the groomer). He was so embarrassed! https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/aa628aa9663baa76b733c7145d9aefdbd30637d3cc6d577bf9ba77ea030b94d3.jpg

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            yeah, that look on his face.

            “Can we please go inside where the other kats won’t see me?”

          • Beanz&Berryz

            One of them Rembrandt cats…

          • Suttree

            Poor little baby! He is trying to look regal though. :)

      • Suttree

        I love kitties that talk a lot! Shop kitty says meow when she is walking up on me. She doesn’t say anything when she silently sneaks behind me and gives me Human rubs.

    • mancityRed6
      • Suttree

        Nice!

  • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

    i swear my asshole miami friend is the luckiest sonofabitch ever. He didn’t leave and now it looks like the storm will impact miami only a bit.

    Which is fucking fantastic, don’t get me wrong – it’s just, man, fuck that guy sometimes.

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      Where’s it projected to hit now? Asking for Crazy Smokodad on the gulf coast…

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos
        • Up In Smoke O’hontas

          Oh, fuck. Thanks. Gonna make some calls now.

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            y’all take care, okay?

          • Up In Smoke O’hontas

            Thanks, TX. I imagine the stubbornness of your friend in Miami would need to be put through some insane mathematical convolution to equal the stubbornness of 80 something, tax evading, neolibertarian Smokodad. I’ve been begging him to go inland all week, but he insists that he can’t leave his property and will go down with the ship…that fucker even verified that my Free Beer in Valdosta ploy was a trap. Gotta hand it to him for following up, though. I’m alerting the authorities in his area, and his Dr, and his bartender…that’s all I can do at this point.

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            i hear ya. Best wishes to you and yours and everybody in the path.

            I’m starting to think of going back into the caves like our ancestors. A little wood flooring, some rugs on the wall, it could be cozy.

      • grindstone

        Yeah, we’re still here but tell your dad to bug out if possible. We have boarded up the back side of the house, but now the track has shifted yet again and we don’t have wood for the front. We hit the hotel in Clearwater tomorrow, IF the whole county isn’t evacuated.

        • Up In Smoke O’hontas

          Damn, thank you so much for the updates! I will buy you all the drinks should we ever cross paths! Keep you and yours safe through this! I notified Pasco County Sheriff, and his Dr put him on the “vulnerable” list. He’s too stubborn to listen to reason, so I tried to contact his local catholic church, but no response yet. With my luck he’s been attending the drive-in church in Treasure Island this whole time!

    • The Flaming Carrot

      Really? That’s great news for him. I hope it doesn’t hit my buddies in the keys, though.

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        things in the keys are looking really rough. I wish your friend the best.

        (It’s that my frenemy wins and wins and wins at life, while I lose lose lose. His decision to stay was stupid and I was hoping he’d learn a lesson for once – that’s awful, but true).

        • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

          P.S. not by getting hurt or anything – just by having no power or a/c so he finally says to himself, “I should have left”.

          It’s a complicated friendship.

        • The Flaming Carrot

          How frustrating to have a moocher-type frenemy. Most of the people I know in the keys are at Sea Camp, on Big Pine Key. My daughter studies there sometimes. There are these little tiny deer, no bigger than a Labradoodle, that live there, too. Still relieved to have it miss Miami. That would be catastrophic.

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            glad to hear it.

            My comment was really shitty and I should be properly dressed down for it…

          • Up In Smoke O’hontas

            Nope. You vented. You acknowledged the less than charitable feelings you expressed, and you even went all squishy and hoped that dude would learn but not be harmed. No votes required ;-)

        • SDGeoff3

          It’s a human thing.

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            he’s one of those people who likes to troll people in real life…when I met him in Miami, I was surprised he never got fucking socked in the mouth. He told me he’d only been punched once, when he was in Australia and some Aussie had enough.

            Hell, I’ve told I want to punch him at least twice, and I’m NOT an angry or violent guy at all.

          • SDGeoff3

            I get it. I had a friend like that, and he had several addictions to boot. Eventually, I just avoided him. He got to be too dangerous to be near.

  • Up In Smoke O’hontas

    Yup, Evan. I am stinky happy crying right now. And I thank you for it. All I need now is kitteh pix and for the world to make sense again, so… yeah, whenever you get a chance, could you get on that?

  • Magyar Has Had It Up To Here
  • Picabo

    I am sheltering in place in Savannah. I will be OK. This is the latest from the National Hurricane Center. Irma will be a tropical storm as it crosses into Georgia.

    I have been a weather nerd since I saw an F-4 tornado off to the west of me when I was a teenager. I respect the danger. I know how to read a METAR.

    Again, I will be OK and will keep you posted. Peace and love to all my Wonkateers. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2197274a43ad252d8022ce2e5bb94e2eed3ecba9ed18f65a9b352f4acbb6c4ad.png

    • OutOfOrbit

      pix!

    • BosGrl

      Hugs, Picabo!

    • Panika MCD

      so long as Irma doesn’t decide tp sit and spin on you AND your river authorities (or equivalents thereof) aren’t fucking bastards…Harvey was a tropical storm when it hit Houston…

    • Raan

      Hole up in the bathroom with lots of booze and snacks.

      Stay away from wine. Wine is crying juice.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        How are you doing?

        • Raan

          We’re good. We’re halfway up the state, so Irma won’t be here ’til like midnight Monday.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Take care.

    • hudson

      all the best

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Thanks for the update.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      You know it, but I gotta say it, cuz I do…Preparation and safety… Lots of margins on both… Have people to connect with soon after the excitement…

    • proudgrampa

      YOU be safe!

      Love,

      proudgrampa

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      God planning. Stay safe!

  • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

    OH FFS:

    “Washington (CNN)Around the time presidential candidate Donald Trump was touting his real estate dealings at a Republican primary debate, a proposal was in the works to build a Trump Tower in Russia that would have given his company a $4 million upfront fee, no upfront costs, a percentage of the sales, and control over marketing and design. And that’s not all: the deal included the opportunity to name the hotel spa after his daughter Ivanka.”

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      “Trump did not mention during the presidential campaign that his company explored the business deal in Russia. Instead, he insisted that he had “nothing to do with Russia.””

      While the potential Russian deal was still on the table, Trump was speaking positively about working with Russian President Vladimir Putin and also minimized Russia’s aggressive military moves around the world. His willingness to accept narratives favored by the Kremlin contrasted with not only the Obama administration but also his Republican opponents.

  • gullywompr

    Best.

  • Three Finger Salute

    OK… thoughts?

    Joe Biden may be “considering” running for president in 2020, according to his daughter

    I think this could work. I don’t think America will ever be ready for “demographic precedents,” as we saw with Obama and then Hillary, so while having another white guy be president maybe isn’t ideal from the representational front, it’s pragmatic on the electoral front and the best-case scenario for stopping the maniac hatemongers in the NSGOP. Plus, it’s Joe Biden. We love Joe Biden, right? How could anyone not like Joe Biden?

    • mancityRed6

      baby, you’re too old and too much has been said.
      the coach is on the sidelines, that’s where you need to be.

      • Three Finger Salute

        OK, do we have any other JFKs in the party? But not a Catholic JFK. We haven’t had a Catholic since, well, JFK, and… he got crucified.

        • Michael Smith

          I’m Catholic! I’ll run! But oh wait… People have pictures of me bonging beers.

          • Three Finger Salute

            No, you misread. I said we can’t have a Catholic. If age is a factor, then it has to be a Protestant Trudeau. But not as attractive, because then the accusations will fly that he only won because “he made teh wimmenz get wet”.

          • NellCote71

            Oh, yes we do. Problem?

          • Three Finger Salute

            It wouldn’t be my problem. It’d be the “former Democrats” who went for Trump, who hate Pope Francis and claim he’s a “communist,” who’d have the problem. I just want the Dems to win. I will vote for whomever they pick, and it doesn’t matter anyway in my state because Massachusetts would vote for Wilson the volleyball if he was the Democratic nominee. But I’m extremely pessimistic about their national chances if they run another “precedent president,” after having seen how Obama got shredded for his birthday suit being too tan and Hillary burned at the stake for daring to do something else besides bake cookies and vacuum the floor in high heels. If Don Draper was a real person, the Democrats would have their best chance with him.

          • H0mer0

            [too f–cking bad, welcome to our world]

        • mancityRed6

          no.
          the brainfart is already smack talking the Catholics going after Bannon.

    • Raan

      Can we get through the midterms, or at least our local elections in November, before we start talking about 2020?

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Joe Biden kicks ass and if Bernie runs again then who gives a shit about age.

    • bbayliss

      Not worth thinking about, ain’t gonna happen.

      • Three Finger Salute

        OK, so where’s our Protestant version of Trudeau with Harper’s personality? Our fortyish Democrat version of Romney? A viable candidate for U.S. president needs to pass the paper bag test, the religious test, the Turing test (the other Turing test, as in, not gay), the drug test (be 100% opposed to drugs of any sort except beer and painkillers), and a virility test (must have at least one child).

        I gather most Democrats will be blue dogs this time and engage in “strategic” voting against Trump. The dilemma is how to get the “economically anxious” hicks in our corner — and the Bernbrats who are on that horseshoe path of “economic anxiety” but are arguably just as bigoted. They may be dissatisfied with Trump (or outright hate him), but they engage in strategic voting too: against the Democrats, unless the Democrats can really find a way to “reach across the aisle” and not scare them too much with “culture war” issues. They take one look at Harris, Patrick, Castro (“Castro”????), Warren, or Franken, and they’re going to cast multiple ballots for every single member of the Trump family as insurance. This is what happened in 2016.

        The minimum requirements of being born here and at least 35 years old are just that: the bare minimum. We are not getting a First Husband and that First Husband is not going to be married to another husband. We are not getting a “President Rodriguez.” We are not getting a “girl squad.” Because we’re America, that’s why. The unspoken rule beyond what’s written in the Constitution is that, as we’ve seen, America sucks at letting the “coalition of the ascendant” ascend too high, without getting swatted down to crash and burn.

        Obama was the Icarus president. It wasn’t so much hubris on his part, but naïveté. He did like Bobby Kennedy said: imagine the world as it could be and ask “why not.” Problem is, he forgot what happened to Bobby Kennedy when someone answered that question for him once and for all.

        • bbayliss

          tldr:
          I was just outside, took a walk. It was tonic and invigorating.

    • h4rr4r

      Joe Biden, electric Trans Am, and legalization. Boom, landslide victory.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Joe Biden is awesome! He is like Everybody’s Dad

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=huBHxwHW3wk

    • Vincent Ricola

      I love Joe Biden. I’ve loved Joe Biden since high school when I wrote a paper about him riding the train to work everyday and how awesome it was that he took the time to interact with the public in that fashion. He is a personal hero. I love him.

      That said, I believe that the arguments that people have against Hillary (she’s been around too long, there’s too much dirt that has already been slung, even if unfairly, and it has done too much damage, ect) would be triple for Joe Biden. The far left or moderate right would find the exact same “corporate and insider and elitist” faults that made it so difficult for Hillary in 2016 and Kerry in 2004 and Gore in 2000 and ect and ect.

      So if we’re going to run with Biden, we’d better be prepared to fucking run with Biden and stand behind him and not get distracted by independent forces that say things all the right things but can’t put up the details, or history will continue to repeat itself.

      • Jamoche

        The far left is going to say the same things regardless of who gets picked.

        • Vincent Ricola

          So will the moderate right. That’s why I’m saying that if this is the potential path, let’s get prepared to support what we absolutely know will come with it.

          There have been lots of fun options so far – Elizabeth and Kamala and such – but a VP Joe Biden has juice that they don’t have and is a much more serious voice making these statements at this point in time.

          • Three Finger Salute

            Also like I said below and other people have said: it has to be a married, straight WASP guy or we continue to lose elections. He can’t pick a Harris as VP either, otherwise people will put 2 and 2 together and come up with “if he dies in office we get an icky girl ordering us around — and a blah one too”.

            That, in part, is what tanked McLame in 2008. He made a devil’s bargain with the evangelicals, and then they refused to vote for him because, ew, he’s not going to live forever and then we get a mom in office? Blasphemy!

            So they ended up with a blah Democrat instead, went berserk, and now we’re stuck with an orange white supremacist because Americans can’t handle “too much diversity.” If the pragmatic goal is to win elections and stop the GOP we can’t be too idealistic about “sending a message.” We have to run the most viable candidate, and in America, that’s a married, straight WASP guy or we forfeit the game.

            Times like these, I actually think it’s too bad that Bill and Hillary didn’t have a son. Chelsea would get slaughtered. “Charles,” maybe not.

          • Vincent Ricola

            I don’t think just being a married, straight, WASP guy is going to do it. We’ve had nothing but married, straight, WASP guys run before Obama and Hillary Clinton and they got the exact same treatment.

            With Obama and Hillary, the GOP focused on engaging the worst of the racists and sexists among us, which, even with the 2016 electoral loss, has backfired in some pretty significant ways. What happens when the GOP has to focus on smearing a candidate that can’t be dog-whistled as easily as a black man or a woman? The exact same thing that always happens, they go the “corrupt and says stupid stuff all the time and whoa buddy did you see what he did to that lady” route. There is a huge voting population that is too young to remember what those types of “white man” attacks from the GOP machine look like and they are very susceptible to influence based on the topic matter – inappropriate with women, says stupid stuff at times, once had lunch with a bank teller so he’s got to be corrupt, ect.

            I guess what I’m saying is that Biden has a very long history of GOP attacks – almost as long as Hillary Clinton did before her presidential run – and in many ways this will be a harder sell so we’d better be prepared.

          • Three Finger Salute

            As a contingency then, do we have a 50-year-old Mister Rogers? Wait — no, scratch that. Carter got tossed out.

          • Vincent Ricola

            The Republicans hated Mister socialist PBS Rogers, so he wouldn’t even have worked. And they have been vilifying goddamn saintly Jimmy Carter since before I was even born.

            I know we’re stuck with the mudslinging nonsense regardless, which is why I’m always prepared to fight the good fight, but I just hope everyone else is prepared for the onslaught of bullshit that would come with a Biden run in the way that they were not prepared for with Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama.

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        In the Age of Trump, no Republican politician politician or right wing pundit should be allowed to use the word “buffoon” to describe a politician again without being laughed out of the room.

        • Vincent Ricola

          No kidding. This particular crop of GOP dimwits are exceptional at being buffoons. They’ll still do it though, cuz assholes.

    • proudgrampa

      I love Old Handsome Joe Biden, too.

      But. Really? If this is all the Democratic Party can come up with, we are in a heap of trouble.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Sure, we love Joe. But just as the Republic Party had branded Killary as a shrill despot with a trail of murder victims, Joe has been caricatured as a buffoon. Unfair, but that’s the way they play.

      • CripesAmighty

        Well, the notion that a buffoon is unelectable has now been thoroughly debunked.

  • mancityRed6
    • proudgrampa

      I LOVE DEEE-LITE!!!!

      The Groove is in the Heart….

      • Up In Smoke O’hontas

        Oh, grampa! Digital Underground or I’m taking away your boombox!

    • H0mer0

      man bun looks like a cross between Freddie Prinze Jr and Colin Farrell.

      • mancityRed6

        that was around 30 years ago.

        • H0mer0

          based on the unlikelihood of the two making an offspring, time is not an issue. Fuck, now I got that earworm…

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      iz NOT a feather wand.

      Iz kitteh fishing pole. (we have one that has a long piece of fabric, so it makes more sense with ours).

    • Three Finger Salute

      https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/41rTpVR95mL.jpg

      Spoiler: Your cat is always plotting to kill you.

    • BadKitty904

      Yes? And?

    • SomeBigRedDog
      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        Doz toes!

      • tomamitai

        Every so often, mine lightly press their extended claws against my chest and give me a look that says “I can take you down any time I want, but as long as you know your job is to keep me happy, you’ve nothing to worry about”.

        • Up In Smoke O’hontas

          Mine wraps herself around my neck and gives me side eye from the boob shelf. She is trouble, that much I know.

    • mancityRed6

      http://www.catdancer.com/cat-dancer-toy/
      seriously, the both of them _love_ this thing.
      it’s just a wire with some tiny cardboard tubes on each end.
      they go crazy over it.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Love the black and white spotters. This is my daughters Alaskacat. I swear the thing is part moose. 15 lbs of solid muscle. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b5dbff07a6015627240abfd0c9ba1955851e560729a2bcdbfadff4cac8444b2d.jpg Alaskans will tell you that many of their kitties are part Norwegian Forest Cat. I’m not sure how they got there, but that’s the story

      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        He looks like he could do 30 chin-ups and then bench-press that couch. When he says “tuna,” you say “how much?”

        • Rebel Scum with permit

          The vets assured my daughter they dealt with large strong cats all the time. When they took him in the back for a blood draw , she heard yelling, swearing, and crashing. They said “Wellhe can’t be that sick”. I think his ancestors swam across the Bering Strait.

  • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

    has ANYBODY heard from Blarney?
    I know he evacuated, but that was days ago and nothing.

    Also, I’m worried about him – the keys are apparently going to get fucking hammered. We may need to do a gofundme or something for him (and other wonker friends).

    • WomanInThePersistence

      No. I’m assuming he got the hell out.

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      I was just thinking about him. I think no news is probably good news, in this case.

    • SDGeoff3

      He’s still away? Geez louise.

    • Michael Smith

      Yeah hopefully he’s evacuated and drinking somewhere. This storm is going to be awful.

      • puredog

        If he’s breathing, he’s drinking.

    • mancityRed6

      give them a minute to get to a good library.

    • Panika MCD

      he seemed to imply that wherever he was going, internet may not be available.

  • Michael Smith

    So I was just reading about feminism in the early 20th century and how in Russia at one point it got sidetracked because of resentment between bourgeois feminists and proletariat feminists and they got into a huge brawl at a rally.

    Oh intersectional complications. The more things change.

    • Three Finger Salute

      At least they were all Russian. You add race and LGBT identities into the mix like the U.S. has, and you’re looking at an all-out circular firing squad.

      Diversity is nice but sometimes I wonder if it isn’t also an Achilles’ heel. People are tribal, it seems, and will always find something to not get along about. Makes me think humans aren’t the most advanced species; after all, white horses don’t try to stop black horses from grazing in the same field, aka “lunch counter.” There’s no nationalism among African, Asian and Indian elephants. To them, such a thing as Africa, Asia or India doesn’t exist.

      I think our “advanced cognitive awareness” will be the death of us.

  • BadKitty904

    This Florida calling! This is Florida calling Wonkette!! Come in, Wonkette!!! This is
    Florida calling!!1!

    • mancityRed6

      food and dry clay are on your way.
      maybe Tuesday.

      • BadKitty904

        Psht. We brought our own.

        • mancityRed6

          that is a cat after my own heart.

          • BadKitty904

            <– Always Prepared

      • Panika MCD

        you still haven’t delivered my legs and poblano sauce!

        • mancityRed6

          they were good…um. I have the 25th off. but your address got stained when I used the receipt as a napkin.

          • Panika MCD

            just drive up Speedway and listen for me telling the dogs to sit the fuck down!

          • mancityRed6

            I-35 is right next door. all I need to do is point south.
            but first, these ribs.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      What’s the news from the Blitz?

      • BadKitty904

        Well, it’s raining and the Orlando streets are empty, but we’re leaving in five minutes for supper at a local steak joint, then going to the wine bar down the block from my brother’s for a nightcap or three. So it’s not like there’s bodies in the tree-tops or anything…

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          You sound chill. Hang in there. Remember that “high ground” is not what some people at Wonkette think it is.

        • proudgrampa

          Hey, kiddo! You be safe now, hear?

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          We want you to be safe, not stick it in our snouts about how much fun you’re having on your vacation.

      • Dazza

        Ballroom Blitz? Yeah, yeah. I know. I am an oldz.

        I’ll just sit over here by the window and yell at clouds.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          London Blitz.

          • Dazza

            O-o-oh. Right.

            *Shuffles feet and blushes*

        • BadKitty904

          Have a belt-onion.

          • Dazza

            Excellent. Red or brown onion?

          • BadKitty904

            Yellow. Who can afford the red ‘uns?

          • Raan

            ‘Cause of the war.

          • BadKitty904

            You safe, bub?

        • puredog

          Blitz Weinhard!

      • mancityRed6
    • Dazza

      Hi BK! Is everyone OK?

      • BadKitty904

        The kitties are less than ecstatic, but they’ll have to tough it out. Otherwise, we’re copacetic, so far…

        • Dazza

          They’ll be right.

          Around these parts, cyclone preparation involves heading to the Bottle-O and loading up a half-a-dozen flats of beer in the back of the ute.

        • Up In Smoke O’hontas

          Smoked fish should perk them right up.

    • SomeBigRedDog

      Be careful! Cats are small and blow away easy.

    • Doug Langley

      Your call is very important to us. Please stay on the line. We will answer in the order received . . .

    • Panika MCD

      please tell me you didn’t run out of booze already!

    • jesterpunk

      Hope you are all safe Kitty.

      • BadKitty904

        So far, so good!

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Goodgood. Wonkers were asking about you.

      • BadKitty904

        Aww!

    • Kitty and Parakeetist are checked in. Yay! So we’re just missing Blarney now…here’s sending him safety vibes

      • BadKitty904

        There’s a few more aside from Blarney. He’s prolly in South Florida, which is a world unto itself, so Lord knows if he has computer access…

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Joe Beese’s elderly mom is stuck there. That’s a tough one.

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        I think we have Sugarplum Cheryl down there, too. Probably a ton more we don’t even know about.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          Sugarplum has checked in? Thank goodness. I’m worried about her.

          • Ms.MLG on Maui

            I haven’t seen her today. I hope that means she is on the road.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            I do too.

          • jesterpunk

            She was on earlier today.

        • Gosala is one right off the top of my head

    • BadKitty904

      Aight, off to supper. Chat laters, my lil’ squeak-toys!

      • Panika MCD

        but… but… you is kitty?

    • Three Finger Salute

      Kitty survived Cat 5! Yay!

    • Msgr_MΩment

      What’s your vector, roger? Over.

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      “We appreciate your business. Press 1 for snark, press 2 for dick jokes, chuck a gator through your window for immediate assistance…”

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        To eat someone’s face, dial 1-800-BATHSALTS

        • Up In Smoke O’hontas

          “And then go shoot a cow. Our hold times are longer than usual…”

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Has it hit yet, though? We still worried.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      “Roger me, wilco me, anything. Hello, hello Earth.”

    • shivaskeeper

      Have you finished fleeing yet?

    • ltmcdies

      Kitty!!!!!! Good to hear from yah

  • mancityRed6
    • Mr. Blobfish

      For some reason I was watching a lot of Buckethead videos today. Never payed him any mind. He’s damn good. Him playing with Primus is pretty cool.

      • mancityRed6

        6 string bass. before we knew what I knew, we would be upset he won best bass player over Flea.

  • rosenbomb

    Feeling pretty good about being a Hai/yley right now!

  • mancityRed6
    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      …and now a song about a girl and her beaver is stuck in my head…

      • mancityRed6

        “Wynona loved her big brown beaver
        And she stroked him all the time.
        She pricked her finger one day and it
        Occurred to her she might have a porcupine”
        yeah, those lines stick with me.
        ha!

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Getting ready for our yard sale. Going through some of my late wife’s books. She was a total bookworm. There’s a second pressing of Atlas Shrugged. It’s worth a coupla hundred bucks. Many other books worth much more then the 50 cents I’m charging. I saw the price of one of the books topping off at $1,200. These, of course are being set aside for eBay. Holy Crap!

    • Vincent Ricola

      Is there some way I can contact you? I collect books and would love the opportunity to undercut those heathens on eBay that will never treat those books like the treasures they are.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      That sounds difficult.

      • Mr. Blobfish

        It get’s a little less hard every year. This Halloween will be 11 years. Which was our anniversary. Plus, she was born on Valentine’s Day. She still finds ways to barge into my new life and wife.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      I can’t imagine anyone over 14 years old finding any value in Atlas Shrugged, but good luck. It would be awesome to fleece a libertarian.

      • ariel_gee_398

        That’s not true. Everyone needs an emergency stash of toilet paper.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Someone in Florida might be willing to pay some BIG dollars for it in the next 24 hours.

        • tomamitai

          The paperback copy I foolishly bought about 20 years ago was printed on such thin paper I’d be afraid of a poke-through causing stink-finger.

      • jesterpunk

        Paul Ryan would buy it.

      • H0mer0

        It’s not fleecing since the market has spoken.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Of course! There’s no such thing as fleecing in a libertarian paradise.

    • mancityRed6

      I’ve got books with library stamps on them and personal stamps bought from Amazon.

    • h4rr4r

      I would feel dirty selling Atlas Shrugged.

  • Moebym of the Returners

    I worked so fucking hard for well over a month to get this done. Countless phone calls and emails, hours of paperwork, and moments spent thinking about this one deal – all wasted by one idiot who can’t fucking understand a simple concept and won’t listen to the guidance of a professional s/he hired.

    This person stands to lose the most if the deal fails, and to gain the most if it succeeds.

    I don’t cry, but god, I felt like crying a couple times today.

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      gah – is the deal dead, or just mortally wounded?

      • Moebym of the Returners

        It’s on life support, I guess you could say. Not dead, but pretty close.

        • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

          you know what they say, “real estate is great – except for the clients.”

          Hopefully y’all can rescue it. Best wishes.

          • Moebym of the Returners

            Appreciate it. It’s not my client I’m referring to, but the other agent’s. I feel horrible for her, as she’s worked equally as hard as I have, and this is going to affect her just as badly.

          • NellCote71

            Corollary, after working 40 years in higher ed: working at a university is great, except for the students.

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            lol, I was thinking my comment probably applies to law too.

            One prof is a public defender, he’s told us stories.

          • Three Finger Salute

            Because they don’t do their work or because there really is a significant cohort of shit-disturbing black-blockers who start riots over “culturally-appropriating” sushi and sombreros?

            I only know what I’ve seen from the news reports. I didn’t see any of that where I went to school but maybe it’s because I wasn’t paying attention.

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            seeing the burser the other day, I apologized for not updating my direct deposit information (which delays my student loan disbursement)

            The (beautiful) lady behind the counter said she liked my attitude, most people blame her for stuff.

          • NellCote71

            Nothing that aspirational. It is because at a mega public university they clog the streets, play chicken with you on their bicycles, and walk around staring at their cell phones as if they were the monoliths from 2001: A Space Odyssey. And then there are the helicopter parents we have to deal with. As a Baby Boomer, my college experience was not driving the highest end luxury vehicle or having my parents buying me a 900K house with Viking appliances to live in (true story).

        • It’s only MOSTLY dead

    • CripesAmighty

      Stupid people r stupid. The end.

    • TundraGrifter

      Very frustrating. I hate the third-party experts who just want to “look out for the bank” so they exceed their scope of work and screw things up for everybody. I had this happen with an auto shop that once was a gas station. The VISTA Report came back clean – no issues. The idiot “expert” said “Well, there’s never been a Phase I so the bank should get one” (the applicant pays for that, of course). “And probably a Phase II.” Deal died.

      I also hate it when the client’s old man or young son decides to be a hero and guide the deal. The Old Man wants to show his son (almost always) that he’s still got it. The Kid (almost always a son – do you see a pattern here?) wants to show his Dad he knows the business. Either way they jump in and screw things up for everybody.

  • Michael R
    • Raan

      No.

    • ariel_gee_398

      No wondering if Ivana was boinking the pool boy when Eric was conceived, eh?

    • NellCote71

      Such itty-bitty tiny hands. How did he ever get them around a baseball?

    • mancityRed6

      worst cricket bowler in history.

    • SomeBigRedDog

      He’s pretty good at being a poorly dressed fascist asshole.

    • SomeBigRedDog

      WHO PUTS A BASEBALL JERSEY ON OVER A SUIT? A MONSTER, THAT’S WHO.

      • NellCote71

        Remember the hew and cry over Obama’s mom jeans?

        • AHHHHH Momjeansghazi. Only slightly eclipsed by Beigesuitgate

          • Three Finger Salute

            Beigesuitgate was a red herring. He was always hated because his birthday suit was too tan.

          • NellCote71

            Who can ever forget Grey Poupon emails?

          • 3FingerPete

            I think Obama not inviting Queen Elizabeth II to a D-Day commemorative event he wasn’t even hosting eclipsed #momjeangate.

        • SomeBigRedDog

          Great. Now I’m imagining Trump in jeans. I bet he calls them dungarees.

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        The only time it is acceptable is at the press conference when you sign the contract or when you get inducted into Cooperstown.

    • proudgrampa

      He throws like a gir–. Oh. I guess I can’t say that here, huh?

      • natoslug

        Nah — it’s fine. Everyone here knows giraffes suck at baseball.

      • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

        Better to say he throws like a dipshit.

    • Panika MCD

      I thought he had refused to do that….? photoshop?

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Why does he looks like he’s try to throw the ball into the rafters? Donald does know how a first pitch works I assume?

      • H0mer0

        Why is his wrist like that? Is that supposed to be a curve ball?

        • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

          Assuming he must’ve spazzed out at seeing the catcher’s mitt, thinking it was the bigliest pussy he’d ever seen, and his involuntary kissing/grabbing instincts kicked in.

          • H0mer0

            I know I’ve said this before, but there is sooo much win in that noncomment.

  • mancityRed6
  • TootsStansbury

    Wow. Happy nice times. On a Friday news dump expectancy no less. I’m afraid to refresh the page.

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      further nice times:

      (CNN)House Republicans unleashed their fury Friday over President Donald Trump’s deal with the Democrats at Steve Mnuchin, with conservatives calling the treasury secretary’s appeal to them to “vote for it for me” insulting and inappropriate.

      http://www.cnn.com/2017/09/08/politics/steven-mnuchin-house-republican-meeting/index.html

      • rofl vote for it for me? REALLY?

        • Rachel Book Harlot

          I was on the bus while reading this and laughed out loud. Thankfully I live in NYC where people ignore all manner of behavior. ;)

          • someone needs to make a naughty comic with stev-o holding a bottle of lubricating “vote ease” and telling turtle and or Ryan that it will only hurt a little, so come on, do it for me

          • Rachel Book Harlot

            Zomg! You need to make this happen, Jen! :)

          • oh heavens no. I can shop heads badly, but comic drawing is a leeeetle outside my preview.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        He’s not their real dad, either.

      • Dazza

        Is “vote for it for me” what passes for sexxxy talk amongst Republicans? Weird.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    You are not my real dad and I’m not crying you’re crying. (yes you are and yes I am and yes you are too)

  • Raan

    Since I’m bored and without cable (unrelated to Irma), let’s talk salt packets. Which do you prefer, the kind that snap in the middle, or the kind that you rip the top off of?

    • Snappers. Cannot lie. They are much more fun.

    • proudgrampa

      Snappers never snap for me. Never understood why…

    • TootsStansbury

      The tear off ones. Not big on salt unless it’s fries. Then? Bring me the salt.

    • Panika MCD

      salt should be in a shaker or grinder.

  • Suttree

    Heating pad while I wait for my epsom salt bath to fill. I need some way to hang my tablet in the tub, so that I can watch cat videos while I bathe.

  • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

    Apparently that little girl who told off one of Alex Jones’ “reporters” is a thug:

    It started when Infowars reporter Owen Shroyer was called, “a f*cking idiot” by the girl as he randomly spoke to passersby in an Austin park.

    Shroyer went on to call the girl a “vitriolic, petulant child that has no discipline.”

    Now Alex Jones is attacking the girl who dared to question the intelligence of an Infowars reporter.

    “On his show today, Alex Jones came to his employee’s defense, saying the girl sounded like ‘John Belushi on PCP’ and ‘acts basically like some thug woman’” Media Matters reported.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      People who stalk and harass parents of Sandy Hook victims, but get all huffy and offended about someone swearing. Mother of God…

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        ayup.

      • Three Finger Salute

        I feel sorry for Lanza’s brother. Not only did he get misidentified by Fox News rushing to conclusions about the identity of the shooter, but he’s got to live with this for the rest of his life. Not only that his brother was nuts but that he 1) killed their mom and 2) 30 other people including 25 kindergarten students. Always makes me wonder how the families of these people cope. I don’t know if Harris and Klebold had siblings, but if they did, I wonder how they’re doing these days.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Yeah…I feel pretty bad for the parents of Jared Loughner, the guy behind the massacre in Tucson where Gabby Giffords got shot. They had a seriously mentally ill kid that they tried their best to help. With the guilt and scrutiny, their lives are ruined too.

        • ltmcdies

          I’ve always felt for families of these killers. Nobody looks down at their newborn baby boy or goofs with their kid brother on Christmas morning thinking they’ll turn into mass murderers

          Those families feel grief too.

      • NellCote71

        Exactly. The Sandy Hook false-flag propaganda is the most odious slander I have ever witnessed. It turns my stomach that Alex Jones would go after the parents. I cried in my office the day Sandy Hook children were slaughtered, and that this POS would use this to boost his ratings is beyond the pale. I do not understand why he is still given air time.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Right? A symbol of a sick society.

    • Panika MCD

      calling InfoWars reporters idiots is like the new Austin past-time. I’m surprised more of these haven’t gone viral before.

      • Austonians need to start recording the encounters and letting them viral :)

        • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

          Prediction: Panika will correct you on your use of “Austonians”.

          (Sorry Panika, just havin’ a little fun with ya today).

          • Panika MCD

            duh!

        • Panika MCD

          AustinITES LIBELZ!!!

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            Boom!

          • Austonian is a MUCH better application. More aesthetically pleasing to the ear.
            Try saying each out loud and see what I mean.

          • Panika MCD

            has to end in “o” or “on”. Houstonians. San Antonians. Dallasites. Austinites. you ain’t going to get us to change. we are the kings of NIMBY, the queens of lamenting how great things were back in the ’70s.

          • oh I do not mind if you do not change. I frequently rename people places and things to suit my particular mood that day.
            For example, sometimes my son is “B” and sometimes “Sweetie” and sometimes “You fucking pain in my ass”
            Like thus

          • Panika MCD

            well…you might have trouble navigating around town with that attitude…

          • Not really for that alone; being from Philly, everyone assumes I am a vicious thug ready to beat up Santa Claus anyway.
            Even this latest gig I got, was a Skype interview (no, really!) and he asked me where I hailed him so I went into my multi state spiel and ended with “But I was born and raised in South East Philadelphia”
            And he went “Were you there when they beat up Santa??????”
            Imma crazy rabbit squirrel!

            https://i.pinimg.com/736x/11/2d/b3/112db3693969c0c8d7003e3bfc36ed45–funny-movies-funny-ha-ha.jpg

          • Panika MCD

            enunciate the following:

            Burnet
            Manchaca
            Koenig
            Loop1

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            also Guadalupe.

            lol…

          • Gwa-da-loopy

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            nope!
            Even assuming it’s a non-latino person saying it, the “cool” kids call it Gwa-da-loop.

            For some fucking reason.

          • Catholics pronounce it Gwa-da-loo-pay so check mate

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            yup – so do the latinos here. Guadalupe runs parallel to the University, that part of it is (was) called, “the drag”. So most people who have lived in teh area tend to pervert it and call it “gwa-da-loop”

          • Bern-it
            Manch-aka
            Koeing (Like Boeing!)
            and Lewp won

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            1/4 ain’t bad.

          • Which one did I get?
            Mind, I was pronouncing water as “worter” until I went to college.

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            lol – well, as noted before, austinites don’t always pronounce shit the way it’s spelled. I’d defer to Panika, but in my experience:

            Bern-et
            Man-chak (you can’t be expected to know this)
            Ka-nig. (it’s german).

          • Koening if German should be just like Boeing which is also be German.
            So I got 2 right. HA. And Bern-et almost right.
            That man chak thing is whack tho. There be an a at the end.
            It is like in Iowa where they call “Du Bois” “Doo Boys”

          • Panika MCD

            Burn-It (learn it, dern it!)
            Man-shack
            KAY-nig (spelled it wrong the first time, “Koening”)
            Mo-Pac

          • Mo Pac?????WAAAHHHHHTTTTT? That’s fun XD
            ok, your turn. Talk like a Philadelphian.
            Schuylkill
            Philadelphia
            New Jersey

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            Panika cheated a little pit – Mopac is Loop 1.

          • That’s ok, I cheated a lot.

          • Panika MCD

            the nickname is because the Missouri Pacific RR runs up it, but even most Austinites don’t know where the nickname came from.

          • Panika MCD

            Shuck-hill
            Philly
            Assholes

          • puredog

            I believe that’s “SKOO-kill”

          • Panika MCD

            2 out of 3 ain’t bad.

          • puredog

            Graywood Cove FTW!

          • Come to think of it, I think I prefer Dallasotans to Dallasites.
            Dallasites sounds like a skin condition. But then that might fit better after all…..
            *runs and hides*

          • Three Finger Salute

            But it sounds too much like Bostonian, and I’m not too sure if either group of city residents would be OK with being confused with the other.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            Ya, but now Autonians has the feel of a nice trigger…

          • Panika MCD

            they made a building called that. we’re still boycotting it.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            Did you grow up there?

          • Panika MCD

            since 1990.

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            wow, you were there when I was there. All three times.

            How wacky.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            A little Panika…

      • Beanz&Berryz

        I don’t even know Inforwars other than what I read about it here… Maybe I should go take a look, or maybe i just won’t…

    • proudgrampa

      We already know these Infowars people are snowflakes…

    • Dazza

      Whoa. Snowflake men in the right-wing noise can’t take sass from a little girl?

      Time to put your big boy pants on lads, and apologise to the girl. On air – the way you insulted her – FFS, raggin’ on her in a space where she couldn’t fight back.

      Keep punching down lads, it tells us all we want to know about the size of your limp dicks.

    • The entirety of Infowars can drop dead. Attacking kids is shitty, and the best part is, she’s totally right and they are fucking stupid

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Grown-ups bullying kids pisses me off… At that sort of lizard brain level… or maybe just… I dunno… Maybe it’s just bullying pisses me off, and grown-ups to kids is the worst form of that… Those fucking snowflakes… I gotta stop this post, it’s getting me all ragey…

    • shivaskeeper

      Judging by her reaction in the video, I would say that kiddo has exactly zero fucks to give about what A Jones and the Infowars idiots think of her.

    • NellCote71

      What I saw was a confident girl who recognizes bullshit when she sees it and calls it out.

    • Three Finger Salute

      John Belushi libelz. Jones sounds like he mixed PCP with meth.

    • CripesAmighty

      Yeah, yeah. We all saw what happened:
      Douchebag shoves Mike in little girl’s face thinking, hurr, hurr, let’s scare this little kid and she’ll say something silly and, haw, haw.
      Douchebag walks away dragging mike cord from his ass. Hurr, hurr.

  • Jenny

    Today I got yelled at for screwing up terrible, in front of my coworkers by my boss. For the record, I actually did not screw up at all. It was just to ride my ass in front of my peers.

    I was so grumpy about that until my boss’ boss, called me into his office to tell me that a promotion and raise is imminent, just waiting on one more signature. The big wigs have signed for it, just needs some budget guy’s signature stamp. That will take months.

    Also too the boss that yelled at me is being assigned a special project away from my group for at least a year, maybe two. There’s light at the end of the tunnel!

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      hang in there.

    • CindyinEncinitas

      Hurrah!

    • Dang that sucks :snuggle: I got bawled at for not inputting my data. To wit I responded “I can get it in the minute you give it to me!”
      To wit the dumbass, who does this frequently, went “oh. Good call”
      YA THINK????

      • Jenny

        Boss wonder why no one else steps to do any of the upkeep or projects that need to be done. Probably because you lose your shit at them for errors?

        My coworkers for the longest time were like oh Jen the golden girl does everything and is going go run the division one day. I showed them my barrage of do this do that emails, and then the really negative crap put on my performance reviews afterwards.

        The response was basically holy shit, we don’t do half the stuff you do and never get knit picked performance reviews like that. You gotta get out of here!

        • Grrrrr. I do NOT LIKE people like that.
          And unfortunately, for the most part, those kind of catty petty bosses seem to be women towards women a lot of the times :/

          • Dazza

            Too true.

          • We got one at work. Not over me thank god, but a fellow on my contract. The woman thing is a royal bitch, always playing mind games, getting in her face if someone else talks to her.
            We keep losing people from that position. Wonder why?

          • Dazza

            I hope someone further up the chain notices how much she is costing in terms of lost time and retraining – and applies some corrective pressure.

          • Not bloody likely.
            It is harder to fire people where we are at, in those positions, than it is to change the mind of your right wing friend.
            We expendables can come and go, however

          • Dazza

            Yeah, but we are fah-bulous. And they suck.

            What’s more, they know we are the glitterati – and they are burning with jealousy at our large circle of friends and general joie de vive.

            True story. Once in her cups a bitch manager confessed that she envied me my friends (particularly the laughter and loyalty). I sniggered on the inside.

    • proudgrampa

      You go, girl!

    • TundraGrifter

      Praise in public. Rebuke in private. It really isn’t that hard to master.

      There’s an old coaches saying: “If it worked fine, they did it. If it worked OK, we did it. If it got all screwed up, I did it.”

      • Jenny

        I’m usually an owner of my screw ups. This wasn’t my screw up though.

        He’s pretty bad about taking other people’s ideas and making them his and taking all the credit for it though. I usually have to give my ideas to everyone else first, then take it to him. So even if he does say he thought of it, everyone else knows the truth.

        The sad part is that he really is a smart man, very methodical and can get people to work. He just isn’t very creative or capable of thinking outside the box. So he steals ideas, mostly mine.

        • Dazza

          A good manager doesn’t have to have all the best ideas – just effectively manage those who do, and give credit where it’s due.

        • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

          i found a book online called “how to work with difficult people.” I was going to buy it before I got “let go.”

          Also, get “Games People Play”.

      • OutOfOrbit

        amen

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        This.

    • Alan

      What the hell is wrong with people and how is that person allowed to manage anyone?

    • Suse

      It is NEVER okay for a “boss” to berate people in public. Bad boss! One of the nasty law partners I used to work for presented herself in front of the cubicles of a certain dept. and started screaming at them, “A fucking monkey could do your jobs!” The next day, many of us brought in monkey-themed items to decorate our spaces and sang, “Hey, hey we’re the Monkees!” all day. She was not amused. Her initials, CC, inspired her nickname – Cactus Cunt.

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    • shivaskeeper

      One more “leader” who has not one fucking clue about leadership.

    • TootsStansbury

      I got yelled at by the customer todsy. He copied all the division chiefs, etc. What an asshole. He replied like I have some control over contractual negotiations. I do not,and he knows it. I wanted to reply all “”I confess, it was me, I ate the goddamn strawberries!” But I didn’t because customer. Fuck, I was tempted.

      • Jenny

        But next time eat a few strawberries!!! Just for the lolz!

        • mailman27

          Go ahead and eat them, just replace them with sand.

    • Dazza

      I am sorry your boss yelled at you like that.

      I hope the arsehole gets caught with his/her hand in the till, and then knows real public humiliation.

      Kudos on the promotion. May it be the next in a long line of happy times.

    • OneYieldRegular

      Speaking as someone who is now managing people for the first time in my life, criticizing an employee in front of co-workers is, like, NO. Yelling at an employee is like, WTF are you kidding me? Glad you had your boss’ boss on your side.

      • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

        In my experience (I’m in retail, admittedly), the best managers are mothers with grown kids who have re-entered the workforce. If you can raise teenagers, you can manage anybody.

    • OutOfOrbit

      i sleep with my boss, so …

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      So the yelling boss got a “promotion” away from your team? Sounds kinda like what we do here in Connecticut … we “promote” the horrid town officials to getting elected to the STATE assembly. Just to get rid of them …

    • Three Finger Salute

      At least you stick it out. If that happened to me, I’d probably have a mental breakdown and quit. I’m very emotionally fragile, a socially anxious nervous wreck, and susceptible to berating myself for the smallest things (even if they’re not my fault). One of the reasons I know I couldn’t work at, for example, McDonald’s is because of all the horror stories about clerks getting hot coffee thrown in their faces for putting a medium box of fries in the bag instead of a large. Can’t work retail because the assembly line and the whole Lucy in the chocolate factory thing.

      I know these are real, too, because, well… I’ve seen members of my own family storm into the McDonald’s and bark at the clerk, and my brother used to work at Target and said that the workers get “timed” for how quickly they can cash out the order — and get punitive measures levied on them if they make mistakes. The jobs really should be done by robots, because that’s what management — and the customers — expect the human workers to be. Problem is, what happens to the workers who get automated out? The U.S. isn’t going to do mincome because it sounds too much like welfare. We seem to be a society that revels in picking on people for no reason.

      Unfortunately for me… I can’t do much else worth paying a salary for either. It’s sad because wherever I worked, I know I’d be the most diligent employee who always kept my head down and never caused any trouble. I’d come in after hours and work off the clock if necessary. I wouldn’t ruffle feathers. I wouldn’t be “uppity.” I probably wouldn’t even say a word all day.

      And I’d still probably get yelled at, because management would see a mouse who’s an easy target. Can’t win for losing.

      • You could look into doing contractual type things? When most the people you deal with is over the interwebs, it is much easier to take being yelled at.
        Mostly because you do not notice they are doing it until THEY START TYPING LIKE THIS

    • mailman27

      I retired in 2012. Evidently supervisors haven’t become any more capable.

  • TundraGrifter

    Nicely done, Nats! I hope she got to meet Dusty Baker. He’s the best – even if he used to be a Dodger.

  • Picabo
    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Talk to the hand!

      • Through UART or USB interface?

        • data_ninja

          Dial-up of course! All you need are the digits.

          (This is a modem humor, I’m watching my tone)

          • therblig

            no baudy jokes, please

    • Dazza

      Oh, Hailey. The attitude and the shades – they slay me.

      *sniffle*

      I look forward to watching her inauguration some day.

  • Jennifer R

    So the cop who got elected to the DSA national steering committee resigned after basically everyone told him to fuck off. Then he made several pages of Mad Online.
    https://twitter.com/tuxedomarx/status/906296966954590208

    • Damn outside aggitators

    • Panika MCD

      sounds like someone needs a whaaaaaaambulance. I’ve met the guy. not sure what he expected. not going to offer my shoulder to cry on.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      I love these groups that are always talking about “organizing.” They’re pretty good at “organizing”, but actually making shit happen? Nah, not so much.

    • Jenny

      Lol the outside agitator is mad he got busted.

      I honestly can’t picture a socialist cop in Texas. Not even in Austin.

      Also CLEAT is cop first, fuck everyone else like most police unions. Wouldn’t trust them for shit.

  • miss_grundy

    It appears that Irma may be heading to the west coast of Florida instead of the east coast. Right now it is off the north coast of Cuba. But there is a chance that it may wobble and wind up going up the east coast. I guess the meteorologists will know more at the 11:00 P.M. update.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Or when it gets there…

      • OutOfOrbit

        they are doing their level best

    • Wolf Tracker

      It keeps trying to move west because of the spin of the storm but when it hits the Florida coast it might deflect.

      It won’t deflect that much because of the speed of that storm so most of Florida is likely to get some of the storm.

    • Covfefe

      If we cut Florida loose, would that save Georgia and Tennessee?

      via GIPHY

      • puredog

        Insert Bugs gif sawing off Florida here.

  • Wolf Tracker

    Reposted this since it got taken off track by a couple of people:

    Serious question: If your bank/ATM closed suddenly tomorrow and you had to evacuate would you have enough cash on hand?

    Looks like alot of Florida people can’t even get to their accounts to get cash.

    When the storm hits banks will be closed, power off to ATM’s and stores will only accept cash because internet will be out for CC transactions.

    One of the hazards of an online economy.

    1-Although roads are very congested with traffic, there is still time to get out. Conditions will deteriorate rapidly Saturday night into Sunday.

    2-If you are planning on riding out the storm, aside from stocking up on the usual supplies (water…a gallon a day per person…batteries, non-perishable food, personal hygiene supplies, medicine, etc.), keep more cash than normal on hand. If the power is out, ATMs won’t work, banks won’t be open, and stores won’t be able to process a credit card. And don’t forget supplies for your pets.

    3-Make sure that you gather important papers and documents…birth certificates, passports, etc., and seal them in Ziploc bags to protect them.
    Do the same thing with cherished photos, heirlooms, etc.

    4-Keep your cell phone on the charger up through the time power goes out…and close all of your apps to help preserve that battery life. If you have them, make sure that your portable cell-phone battery sticks are charged, too.

    5-If you live in a high-rise building don’t automatically think you’re safe because you live well above the ground. The wind gets stronger as you go farther aloft, so what may be Category 4 winds at the ground may be Category 5 winds at the level you live at.

    6-Finally, make sure that family or friends not affected by the storm know about your plans, and let them know after the storm passes that you’re okay.

    https://www.clickondetroit.com/weather/catastrophic-hurricane-irma-takes-aim-on-florida

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      My SO is always nagging me to keep a couple hundred in cash on hand all the time and not to let the gas tank get below half full. Since we in California can get The Big One without any warning at all, I’m going to listen better.

      • Wolf Tracker

        That is a good thing to do and in major disaster stores will jack up prices so have some extra.

        I rarely even see anyone using cash in stores these days and wonder if they could make it a day without a CC or debit card.

        • Rebel Scum with permit

          I don’t drive much anymore because I’m retired but I do fly. Often I’ll be at the airport with only $3-4.00 actual cash in my pocket. Think I’ll stop that.

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      I definitely do not keep enough cash on hand.

      • Wolf Tracker

        I throw ll my spare change and singles in a big jar and when it is full I usually donate half and keep half for emergencies. It builds up fast.

        • Rachel Book Harlot

          This is a really great idea. I actually have a coffee can or two filled with change. I’m terrible, though, because they sit in a cabinet for years.

          • puredog

            Yeah, and when you show up in an emergent situation (e.g., a gas station with lines out till Tuesday) and offer to pay in pennies, you may not be the most welcome camper.

          • Rachel Book Harlot

            lol No, I meant that I would be more diligent in converting the change to cash and then keep some of the cash at home.

        • TundraGrifter

          I’ve started putting away every very crisp, clean bill I get – $1 through $20 (that’s all I see). It’s pleasantly surprising how fast it adds up!

      • Panika MCD

        Puerto Rico recommends its citizens have 30 days cash on hand for the entirety of hurricane season.

        • Rachel Book Harlot

          Speaking of which, my relatives on the island are currently without, power, phones, etc.

      • NellCote71

        Me neither. Scary how much we take for granted.

        • Rachel Book Harlot

          I know, right? I’m definitely going to keep some cash on hand from now on.

    • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

      This is why I horde gold.

      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        Another top-quality Rush Limbaugh tip.

        • TundraGrifter

          And Off-the-Mark Levin. And The Silly Savage. And Sheer InSannity. The sucker who listen to them must be thrilled they purchased overpriced Swiss francs when gold was $1,800/oz. and today it’s all the way up to $1,200/oz.

      • amrak63

        [spelling martinet] “hoard” [/spelling martinet]

    • shivaskeeper

      Pretty solid advice. Also, too spare clothes are a must. Pack them in 2 gal. ziploc bags and squeeze the air out before sealing them completely. It helps educe space in the bug out bag and keeps them dry. Even if you decide to stay, you may be forced out in the aftermath.

      Dry underwear and socks are a must not just for survival, but for morale as well.

    • NellCote71

      Good advice for life in general.

    • TundraGrifter

      A radio is a very good thing to have. We have an emergency one – the little crank on the side means we don’t have to depend on batteries. And it has a port to charge the phone.

      • Wolf Tracker

        Those are real good and have one that cranks and has a solar panel with adapters to recharge a cell phone and an emergency strobe light.

        Great for camping or an emergency.

  • Jennifer R

    Goddamn twitter makes some quality content sometimes.
    https://twitter.com/marquisdesquirm/status/906308992485470208

  • Three Finger Salute

    Whoa if true.

    Apartheid comes to America: The Republican plan for a one-party state

    I’m sure if they could have put Obama in Gitmo (our Robben Island) they would. Or just reopen Alcatraz and call it the “Museum of American Democracy.”

    • Jeffocaster in the West

      Sinclair Lewis didn’t say that.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Well, the author does say “supposedly.” Regardless, what Koch’s ALEC, and now the tech gurus like Thiel, Mercer and (as we know now) Zuckerberg, are doing to subvert democracy because “the wrong people” are voting is scary.

    • Plan for it? Hell, Alternet, they have been working on it for decades now!

      • Three Finger Salute

        If not the entirety of its existence. The US is defective by design.

    • Dazza

      No worries. The Obama family, Hilz,et al will be welcome in Canada.

  • Jeffocaster in the West

    “So, I figured they wouldn’t pay for the wall so I arranged with the best scientists to create a BIG HUGE earthquake just ahead of a hurricane. They will be sorry they crossed me.”

  • Serai 1
    • Wolf Tracker

      It would look much bigger if Trump did the presentation.

    • He’s hotter than one might imagine.

    • Yeah that’s about the size we’ve been getting this year too. :(

  • Ok. Gonna run and pick up snacks from my variety store before Rachel…

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • OutOfOrbit

      i won’t, i cannut say it <3

    • amrak63

      YOU WINDBLOWN MONSTER!

      I haz no shame. :P

    • La forza del resistino

      Wonkette should bear some blame for canned clam shaming.

      • In our defense, we did not start that one.
        That was a rando drive by responding to when Pinkham’s law who did a few foodie things here and someone came in and declared him a monster for suggesting an ingredient of canned clams.
        So I blame that person

        • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

          All sides, all sides.

      • Panika MCD

        I guess the vegan baby butthole didn’t sell well either.

    • Lord Jim

      I have enjoyed many bowls of clam chowder from a can. Whatevs.

  • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

    is it sad that new episodes on Netflix of TWD is my favorite part of the year?

    • shivaskeeper

      A little sad, yes.

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        well, you have a wonderful wife and horses and your volunteer work, so , cut me some slack.

        ; p

        • shivaskeeper

          Unfortunately they, and all the systems that go into supporting them all, require more maintenance time then there are hours in the day.

    • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

      I had to stop watching TWD when Negan appeared on the scene. I know, I know– comic books and TV shows based on comic books need bad guys, but he scares the crap out of me.

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        i’m just catching up on his big intro and yeah, so far episode 1 of season 7 is fucked up.

        I heard they (rightly) caught some shit for how it basically descended into sadism…but yeah – that dude’s fucked.

  • La forza del resistino

    Dear Florida, “Good luck to everybody”
    – Donald #45

    • NellCote71

      Have a great time!

      • Panika MCD

        it’ll be beautiful!

        • NellCote71

          Believe me!!! Greatest hurricane! Much bigger than the previous administration.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Dear Donald:

      Good luck to you and yours

      Fuck you and up yours.

      Sincerely,
      Everyone in the Hurricane Path and the rest of America

  • Parakeetist

    In case I didn’t post this already, I am evacuating tomorrow, to a friend’s house. She lives on higher ground.

    Went to church this morning and we walked around it with the relics of St. George.

    Going to pack a lot of books and two days of clothes, plus several days of medicine.

    I’ll check in as I am able to do so.

    It was nice knowing you. :)

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      stay safe – we’ll see you on the other side.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Stay safe. And thanks for the check in.

    • Godammit Parakeetist, you get you and yours to a safe place right this minute….we need you.

      • Parakeetist

        Thx hugs

      • Parakeetist

        Yes sir

    • Three Finger Salute

      Stay safe Parakeetist! And it is nice knowing you! No past tense!

      • Parakeetist

        Thx hug

    • Panika MCD

      medicine=your RXs and booze and books?

      • Parakeetist

        Yes :)

    • Dazza

      You’re going to be OK. We will be here for you – at all hours – when you need us.

      {{{hugs}}}

      • Parakeetist

        A thank u, u can has it. :)

    • Lord Jim

      Safe journey. See you soon.

      • Parakeetist

        Kthx

  • Michael R

    Wait … what ?

    “Bowl me over hurricane
    Whirlwind
    Crack your cheeks and blow”

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nbWcUyzgDWU

    • Vincent Ricola

      Should I feel bad about laughing at this? Because I laughed, loudly and for longer than what is probably appropriate, and now I feel bad.

      • (I had to share because I too laughed and felt just terrible…then poured another.)

    • Wolf Tracker

      Sounds like the next Monica Lewinski.

  • ariel_gee_398

    Harvard has added a new implicit bias test to their roster, one that let’s you discover your biases as between FDR and Trump. Unsurprising result: “Your data suggest a strong automatic preference for Franklin D. Roosevelt over Donald Trump.”
    https://implicit.harvard.edu/implicit/selectatest.html

    • Hm. I would think you would not need a test for that one, but lemme try it….

      • Vincent Ricola

        All my tests turn out as expected. “You prefer Bill Clinton over Donald Trump” – yeah, no kidding, I prefer him a whole shitload over cheeto benito. Still fun though.

        • Résistance Land Shark Ω

          Me as well. Well, duh.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          I prefer almost everyone over Donald Trump.

          I prefer Barak Obama over Donald Trump.

          I prefer George W. Bush over Donald Trump, Not by much, but I do.

          I prefer Billy Bush over Donald Trump.

          I prefer Jimmy Carter over Donald Trump.

          I prefer Billy Carter over Donald Trump.

          Hitler? It’s a toss-up.

    • jowgajen

      I got Bush vs. Trump

      Your data suggest a strong automatic preference for George W. Bush over Donald Trump.

      • ariel_gee_398

        The true test for a Wonker would probably be canned clams v. Trump.

        • jesterpunk

          I would take the canned clams.

          • Vincent Ricola

            I, too, am a monster.

          • puredog

            If it got rid of the shitgibbon, I would shoot those canned clams into my veins.

          • Mehmeisterjr

            Today we are all MONSTERS!

        • Rasilom

          I despise canned clams. That being said I would eat them every meal for a month of it took the shitgibbon down. I must be a monster.

    • Took the race one instead, cause it was first, and got this
      Your data suggest little or no automatic association between Weapons and Harmless Objects with White Americans and Black Americans.
      Which…means I am a middle of the road fence sitter don’t it.
      Ok now for the presidents, promise XD

      • ariel_gee_398

        Actually, I think most Americans have some automatic association between Black Americans and weapons. So you’re in the middle of the possible outcomes, but not in the middle in terms of implicit bias displayed.

        • our data suggest no automatic preference between Recent Presidents and Donald Trump.

          I think I just am doing this all wrong.
          Because I can assure you, I have SO MUCH PREFERENCE to “recent presidents”, yes, even you Ford, to Trump

          • Ok I redeemed myself. WHEW.
            Your data suggest a strong automatic preference for John F. Kennedy over Donald Trump.
            Maybe “Recent presidents” that was lots of reagan and Nixon threw me off.

    • Lord Jim

      I have a slight preference for Richard Nixon over Donald Trump.

      K.

      Uh, at least Nixon wasn’t bone-stick-stone stupid and had an average grasp of the English language?

  • Lord Jim

    Superhero Girl is heroic. Faith in humanity stabilized.

    In other ramblings, I was reading a thread on Lawyers, Guns, Money about some study published in American Economic Review showing that Fox News actually “contributed to the rightward shift of the Republican Party”. So one commenter (wouldn’t it be nice if they allowed comments here?) said that Fox’s propaganda tactics wouldn’t work on liberals. “sigaba” replied:

    You mean people like Mark Lilla?

    It’s just propaganda, it doesn’t matter how knowledgeable you are, or how
    reasonable. They’re eventually going to hit on the thing that triggers
    your disgust response, and even if they don’t change your mind, they’ll
    scar your ability to trust others, and your sense of righteousness, so
    all you’re left with is pendantic facts and no one to talk to.

    For Lilla it was protests; it didn’t matter who was protesting, or for
    what, just the images were enough to make him find a cross and some
    nails. The images are what separate liberals from “the rest of America,”
    they alienated him, they sent him into a paroxysm of regret and shame.
    The facts didn’t matter.

    The goal isn’t to get liberals to vote Republican, it’s to make them feel ashamed and alienated, and to shut up.

    I was just saying last night that I fell for the Clinton distrust. Mostly, it was folks here who helped me out of that. So I think that the social nature of humanity can be a weakness in that it can sometimes result in herd thinking, but it can also be a force for the identification, propagation, and reinforcement of good information.

    You folks provide me with both social location and understanding. Y’all are all right.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Im always surprised that I was also duped by the bullshit Clinton lies. The GOP has mastered the art of propaganda. They repeat lies so often that you start to believe that where there is smoke there’s fire, and it inevitably turns out to be a dumpster fire of lies and bullshit.

      • Three Finger Salute

        “If you repeat a lie often enough, people begin to believe it as truth.”

        -Joseph Goebbels, reincarnated as Roger Ailes

    • puredog

      Well, I am. I don’t know about these other libtards.

    • HellhathnofuryDemme

      This makes my day!

      (Discus has decided to use my old name and avatar.)

  • bookish

    https://www.yahoo.com/news/florida-gun-owners-encouraged-apos-213111921.html

    A Florida man who suggested shooting guns at Hurricane Irma out of “stress and boredom” has found that his idea has captured peoples’ imaginations – with over 46,000 signing up to join in.

    Hurricane Irma is due to hit Florida on Saturday, and the state is currently experiencing the largest ever mass evacuation due to a hurricane in American history.

    But Ryon Edwards, 22, came up with a novel way of amusing himself during the storm: firing bullets into it.

    He started a Facebook “event”, and as of Friday evening 46,000 people say they are interested.

    • Wolf Tracker

      Sudden replay of “The Mexican” when they were all shooting off guns to celebrate and it came down and killed his contact.

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      sooooooo goddamn stupid.

      • Jonny On Maui

        The stupid, it burns…

    • Jonny On Maui

      So gravity is lost to these folk?

      • HellhathnofuryDemme

        It’s just a theory!!!!1!!!11!!!!

    • Panika MCD

      you’re supposed to save bullets for gators and water snakes.

      • Jonny On Maui

        What about looters?

        Don’t look at me, I don’t even own a lute…

        • Panika MCD

          I think you deal with them the same as floating fire ant colonies: Dawn.

        • redarmyzombie

          Lutes are fine so long as you keep your distance, but if you hear bagpipes, run!

          And best pray you never encounter Yoko Ono…

    • NellCote71

      Darwin time? Culling your own herd?

      • Jonny On Maui

        If only bullets shot up like that returned to their point of origin…

      • shivaskeeper

        They are more likely to cull someone else who didn’t or couldn’t evacuate. Then not get charged with a crime because it was an “accident”

        • jesterpunk

          Thats unpossible only bullets from bad guys with guns hurt or kill innocent people. Good guys with guns shooting into the air wont hurt anyone and it infringes on their second amendment rights to shoot whatever they want. Thats almost what the NRA said arguing against a law banning people from shooting into the air.

          • shivaskeeper

            Sometimes I wish I believed in Hell so I could be sure those fucks in the NRA were burning in it

    • Three Finger Salute

      They’re yahoos, all right.

    • shivaskeeper

      Responsible gun owners, the lot of them. Fucking idiots.

    • jesterpunk

      They are all good guys with guns so there is no way anything could possibly go wrong here.

    • Suse

      What is the least stupid country? Asking for myself.

      • Panika MCD

        Sweden?

      • redarmyzombie

        Hitle-oh wait, wrong meme, sorry.

    • Suse

      Happiness is warm gun
      Bang, bang, shoot…

    • Catstro

      That’s nearing peak Florida Man right there

    • redarmyzombie

      You know what? Fine. Let all them fuckers Darwin themselves off the planet, I sure as shit won’t waste my tears on them.

      • bookish

        Can this moran be charged with something? Aggravated stupidity?

    • Lord Jim

      On the one hand, catharsis can be a good thing. On the other hand, looking to guns as a vehicle for emotional expression is, I’m pretty sure, a lot of our problem.

  • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

    oh fuck this guy:

    “The new head of the EPA, Scott Pruitt, who almost believes in science but not quite, said this is not, repeat not, the time to talk about climate change.

    Pruitt said Thursday that talking about climate change while a hurricane sliced through the Caribbean on its way to Florida was “very, very insensitive” to the people of Florida.

    “Here’s the issue,” Scott Pruitt told CNN. “To have any kind of focus on the cause and effect of the storm; versus helping people, or actually facing the effect of the storm, is misplaced.””

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      just like mass shootings- there’s never a good time to talk

      • shivaskeeper

        I think you may have got it in one.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Everyone knows climate change is a liberal hoax to sell more water. I think God is punishing red States because they elected Trump.

      • Panika MCD

        I thought it was a Chinese hoax…?

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          Nope, big H2O is behind the whole scam, with the help of the Energizer bunny. Of course all the smrt people know Obama is really pulling the strings on this one. Folks, I’ve seen photos of Obama and the bunny surfing naked in Kenya with Hillary. Sick stuff.

          • Panika MCD

            GEORGE SOROS LIBELZ!!!!!ELEVENTY!!!

          • Three Finger Salute

            Dihydrogen monoxide! The chemtrails are putting it in the water just like fluoride!

          • CripesAmighty