SHARE
We hope this is the version sold by Nogales street vendors. That would be so meta.

You’ve probably heard the Equifax credit rating company was hacked sometime in July, or at least the data breach was discovered July 29. The private data of 143 million Americans — including names, birthdates, Social Security numbers, driver’s license info, and Favorite Pony — may have been compromised, which is a bit under half the population, even if you take into account your uncle who has fourteen different charge cards he uses to pay the interest on each other.

If you think your data may have been stoled, Equifax has set up a website for consumers to apply for free credit monitoring. We suggest you not use the password ABCD1234, since that may have already been used by Equifax.

Oh, here is an amusing side note that may make you wish your account wasn’t locked out by your bank this morning, so you can go buy a pitchfork and a torch:

SEC filings show that three Equifax executives – Chief Financial Officer John Gamble Jr., workforce solutions president Rodolfo Ploder and U.S. information solutions president Joseph Loughran – sold nearly $2 million in shares in the company days after the cyberattack was discovered.

CNBC dutifully adds, “It was unclear whether their share sales had anything to do with the breach.”

“NO WAIT!” said a spokesperson for Equifax, Ines Gutzmer, in an emailed statement (forwarded from Kyrgyzstan, no doubt), explaining the three “sold a small percentage of their Equifax shares,” and insisting they “had no knowledge that an intrusion had occurred at the time.”

You know how it goes — you sell a couple million dollars worth of shares now and then, and sometimes, it just happens to be right after a massive data breach, but before the news goes public. One of those things, the market is a mysterious thing. Oh, look, a puppy .gif on the internet! Look at the funny puppy!

Some people just can't get a grip

As coincidence would have it, after news of the hack hit Thursday afternoon, Equifax shares dropped 13 percent Friday morning. That sure was excellent, completely innocent timing for those three Equifax guys, huh?

Would you believe some people aren’t taking that bland assurance that there was nothing funny going on at face value? Bart Friedman, an attorney who advises corporate boards on what passes for compliance with business ethics, told Bloomberg,

I don’t know how the board will allow these executives to continue in their positions […] Yes, they should have a careful investigation and have an independent law firm interview the executives and review their emails and determine what they knew and when, but the end result is likely clear.

Ah. Sounds like time for a stern wag of the regulatory finger, maybe a fine of some sort, and even possibly a firing, for appearances’ sake. We don’t pretend to follow finance news closely, but we have a feeling they may somehow find employment in their chosen field again, maybe.

Or maybe they’ll get jobs in the Trump administration.

Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations. Please click the “Donate” clicky. The only hacking we’re worried about is this goddamned cough.

[Bloomberg and CNBC via Crooks & Liars]

$
Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • Indiepalin

    This is precisely why Dood-Frank need to go! – Bizarro #1

  • proudgrampa

    Fer cryin’ out loud…

  • Jim QuinnX

    Anybody have any other inside information worth knowing?

    Asking for a friend.

  • Anna Rompage

    Yeah, I’m accidentally late on one payment, and these fuckers kill my credit score which effects my ability to buy a car or home, or get car insurance, or even a job… While these fuckers release the most intimate financial details of half of the country, and participate in insider trading and what is really going to happen to these folks? A couple weeks of public ridicule perhaps, and that’s it…

    • Villago Delenda Est

      All three of them should be [redacted in compliance with the Commenting Rules for Radicals]

      • Paul

        No need to be so wordy. “All three of them should be redacted.”PERIOD

        • AmazingProfessionalCrastinator

          Sean Spicer agrees with you!

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Votedy votedy vote!

  • Greg Comlish

    DO NOT APPLY FOR THE EQUIFAX’S “FREE” CREDIT MONITORING SERVICE

    THIS “SERVICE” IS A SCAM

    IF YOU AGREE TO THEIR TERMS AND CONDITIONS YOU WILL WAIVE YOUR RIGHT TO PARTICIPATE IN A CLASS ACTION LAWSUIT.

    FUCK THAT!!!

    LOTS OF CLASS ACTION LAWSUITS ARE GETTING STARTED AND YOU QUALIFY. SO SIGN UP AND USE YOUR LEVERAGE AS A LITIGANT TO ENFORCE SOME GODDAMN DECENCY IN THIS DECREPIT WORLD.

    FIGHT FOR YOUR RIGHTS, PEOPLE!!

  • proudgrampa

    The stock price goes up. The stock price goes down.

    Who can explain it?

    • CindyinEncinitas

      Barney Frank.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    Well, I suppose shorting the stock might have been a tad obvious.

    • proudgrampa

      Ya think so?

  • therblig

    article on huffpo says you need to provide a credit card to sign up for one year “free” monitoring and cancel proactively if you don’t want to continue. motherfuckers!

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/equifax-breach-2017_us_59b2dae8e4b0b5e531062976?ncid=inblnkushpmg00000009

    so i checked, my data is at risk, but i can’t enroll until september 12. for something they knew about months ago? motherfucking motherfuckers!!

    i’m beginning to think the max headroom world got it right when they said credit fraud carries the death penalty.

    • Anna Rompage

      I’d say someone needs to introduce a virus into there servers that causes them to self destruct, and destroying any information that might be contained on them…

    • jesterpunk

      That site doesn’t seem that accurate, try a pets name and 123456 it will most likely come up as compromised.

    • Maxine Headroom

      Me libelz?

  • ManchuCandidate

    It has the Martha Stewart seal of approval

    • altleftjohn

      It’s a good thing . . . Unless you get prosecuted . . .

    • calliecallie

      Poor Martha. That was a witch hunt. How many men have done the same thing, for more money, with no jail time? Grrr.

      • Finnibar87

        Martha is gangster.

        She went to prison, got out and is now cooking with Snoop on national TV chat shows.

        • Lascauxcaveman

          Yo. Can’t just buy that cred.

      • altleftjohn

        SEC lawyers got to make a big example out of a celebrity. Highlight of their careers.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Martha’s actual crime was making donations to the wrong political party.

        • Lascauxcaveman

          True dat.

          But she was actually guilty, too. What gets me is how millionaires who should know better automatically assume they won’t get called on trading on illegal insider info.

    • Rags

      And Ashley Madison

  • ChefDaveSEA

    And yes, these are the same people who helped bring you the 2008 financial meltdown by rating robo-signed 2nd mortgages and HELOC loans all aaa, “good as gold” when they knew they were shit. They made billions & we all lost trillions.

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

    How is that Equisux has all this info anyway? I mean, I never authorized them to spy on my finances. Who the fuck did?

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      You ever apply for a car loan? A home loan? Rented an apartment? Apply for a job where they performed a credit check?
      Equifax is one of the companies that is used to run those checks. And by signing, you agreed to let them do it.

      • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

        Yes, I kinda recall some language like that but you know what my next rage moment is, don’t you?

        Who or what entity gave them the power of credit or death?

        • proudgrampa

          We did, Cousin. We did.

    • jesterpunk

      There are 3 main credit companies, Equifax, Transunion and Experian. You cannot unenroll from them having your info they get it automatically and determine if you can get a job or any kind of loan. Good luck if they have any incorrect info too, getting that fixed is hard.

      • Finnibar87

        So, a scam really.

        • jesterpunk

          Free Market or something.

      • Internet Hitler

        But not impossible.

    • calliecallie

      Wanking bankers.

    • guppy06

      This is America. When it comes to collecting personal information, it’s always “opt-out,” not “opt-in.”

      What do you think this is, Europe?

  • Scooby

    At least my credit rating is so lousy scammers with my info will avaoid me.

    • CindyinEncinitas

      It’s liberating, isn’t it?

      • Scooby

        Yea, a medical bill from years ago thought me how to not borrow money.

        • CindyinEncinitas

          My husband ran off and my credit will never be the same.

          • Arolpin

            You can fix it, it just takes time. If you have no credit, but have a little bit of savings, sign up for a secured credit card* and use it instead of a debit card or cash. Use it for all your day to day purchases, but PAY IT OFF IN FULL EVERY MONTH at least. You may find it easier to pay it off every paycheck, but keep the balance at $0.

            After a few months of this, you’ll start getting credit card offers in the mail, look for a decent one with no fee, then open an account there, and use that card instead of cash and continue to pay it off every month at least. Keep the first card open for now, even if you have to pay the damn annual fee, because length of credit helps your score.

            Open another credit card, use it for like 1 recurring payment a month, pay it off in full every month. Once you have three no-fee credit cards in good standing (one of them can be a store credit card or a gas card), you can cancel the secured card, and you should see your score climb as you accumulate good reports and bad reports age off your credit report.

            It sucks, and it takes a couple of years, but unless you are willing to live a total cash/barter existence, it’s pretty much required now.

            When I finally decided to repair my credit I raised it probably 150 points in the first 2 years, and over 300 points overall. I even got it to the point where I could get real loans before all the bullshit medical bills finally aged off my report. (The bills were for an on-the-job accident, with workman’s comp insurance paperwork submitted by my boss while I was in the ER, and health insurance paperwork submitted before I entered the ER. The hospital went bankrupt, they didn’t submit bills to insurers correctly, they lost records, and whomever took over the wind down just sent everything to collections. My former company ended up paying the bills 3 times just to make them go away.)

            * A secured credit card requires you to deposit money with the card issuer, your credit limit is the amount that you deposited. You literally can’t spend more money than you have on deposit.
            I like Orchard Bank, because they report every month, and every payment, so you can get a lot of good reports to help counteract the bad reports. The annual fee is like $75, which is high for a bare-bones card, but it’s cheaper than continued bad credit.

          • CindyinEncinitas

            Thank you very much for that info. I am going to do this. My tv is dying and my car needs work and it would be great if I had a credit card right now.

  • If you think your data may have been stoled, Equifax has set up a website for consumers to apply for free credit monitoring.

    Yeah, watch out for that. It’s free, but you have to waive your right to join a class-action lawsuit and agree to company paid arbitration. Just because they fucked up, doesn’t mean they’re not going to try to fuck you.

  • Wolf Tracker

    Don’t care about most of that stuff but steal my favorite pony and I will fuck you up!

    I am sure the FTC will be having nice long talk with Equifux but want to bet if any see any jail time?

    Free credit monitoring by the company that just got hacked (or sold all your info to the Russin Mafia) sounds like a really great idea- to stupid people.

    I cut up all my CC years ago and no loans (I pay cash) so I am not worried but you might want to change your account passwords and keep an eye on all your accounts.

    Even if you never did any business through Equifux they are a credit bureau and have acces to everyone’s info and your bank, CC company, lenders, schools and employer probably does use them.

    This is exactly how I predicted the US would go down. Just wipe out everyone’s credit history!

    • jowgajen

      Credit monitoring is just a bullshit “product”. You can check your own credit for free on the regular now, and disputes are automated and much easier to manage than the past.

      Something something government regulation something protection for consumers something Dodd something Frank something financial “services” scumbags something.

      • Wolf Tracker

        Any legit company monitors your accounts and notifies you if there is suspicious activity. I put a $25 limit on my only debit card and get an instant notification by email if it goes over that amount.

        • jowgajen

          The concern is accounts you don’t know about. So you should use CreditKarma or Mint or some other free report service available to you (most banks now) to look every so often for that sort of thing.

          Also I get occasional fraudulent “collections” for small amounts from Verizon or some sort that I have to dispute. There’s no legitimate invoice to back these up, they are basically scam/phishing to get people to pay small amounts rather than deal with the hassle.

          • Wolf Tracker

            I just got notified by Wells Fargo today I may be entitled to part of that $142 million settlement for their fuckupery.

            If they opened an account in my name they had it well hidden.

            The only other account I have is a business account with paypal and they have tight security that notifies me instantly of activity.

            I got rid of everything else when I retired and have not regretted it at all.

          • jowgajen

            Did you use WF for credit card services for your business? Because they did some fuckery there too.

          • Wolf Tracker

            No just a personal account and no CC just a debit card and I keep a low balance in my account.

            I may not have been affected and they are just building a database because they will be dividing money after everyone that was affected get’s their share.

            I won’t complain if they want to give me some of that money.

    • Rasilom

      There is an amazing documentary about this called “Mr. Robot” It is streeming on Amazon…

  • jesterpunk

    Be careful with the site, I tried my birds name with the last 6 numbers of 123456 and it says its compromised. It doesnt look like they check anything and just say compromised to get you to sign up for their services.

    • altleftjohn

      You have a bird named abc?

      • jesterpunk

        I have a bird named Chatter.

  • Finnibar87

    Shit.

    Now I gotta name a new favorite pony, and everything.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Well?

      We have non-commenters to cull here.

  • mackafritz

    So three top executives new nothing about a data breach and then sold stock a few days later. Sounds legit.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    One of the banks I have credit through already monitors my credit score for free. Not going to let Equifax screw me over.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    I posted this earlier on another thread, but I’ll repeat it here:

    First executive sells shares: Happenstance
    Second executive sells shares: Coincidence
    Third executive sells shares: Insider trading.

    • proudgrampa

      Bingo.

    • jowgajen

      The second executive is the “Information Solutions President”. The idea that he did not know is bullshit as he should have fucking known.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        His solution was to profit off the situation and get the hell out of Dodge.

        • jowgajen

          Honestly they probably sold to get spending money enough to last out the dip in stock price. Those stocks are likely part of their compensation.

          Edit: STILL INSIDER TRADING AND THEY SHOULD GO TO JAIL.

          • CindyinEncinitas

            So, using insider information to rebalance their portfolios was just a canny household budgeting maneuver to keep the kids in nice school clothes when the shit hits the fan? I should have such problems.

        • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

          Aaaaand move up into a Chrysler.

          • AngelaHMejia

            my buddy’s aunt makes $77 /hour on the internet . She has been out of work for seven months but last month her pay was $15295 just working on the internet for a few hours. Find Out More

            http://www.jobsclubproductsplay

            ✹✹✹✹✹✹✹✹✹✹✹✹✹✹✹✹✹✹✹✹✹✹✹✹✹✹✹✹✹✹✹✹✹✹✹✹✹✹✹✹✹✹✹✹✹✹✹✹✹✹✹✹✹✹✹✹::::da250..

  • Crystalclear12

    To any hackers that may have gotten my information:
    1. Sorry, I know my credit sucks
    B. I’ll try to do better
    &. Don’t expect for it to get better I work for the cheapest state in the union
    12. I lied about my favorite pony.

    • proudgrampa

      My favorite pony is Rainbow Dash!

      • proudgrampa

        I lied, too.

        • Crystalclear12

          I knew it!!

      • lroom

        Applejack is best pony!

        • proudgrampa

          NO. Nononono.

          Pinkie Pie is the BEST pony!

          • guppy06
          • lroom

            Okay I’ll give you that cause I have a fish named Pinkie Pie.. She’s an axolotl and very adorable. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2e2e5fe7687329aaf158922cf2b95e8cdc4a09387522d0dacb1d8eb16a1583a3.jpg

          • proudgrampa

            Pinkie Pie is the best axolotl!!!

            And she IS adorable!

          • proudgrampa

            So. After a little research, I find that these cuties are near extinction in the wild.

            Is there some program to keep these beautiful creatures around???

          • lroom

            Yes some scientists around the country are selling them and kits for educators and things. They need people to help keep the species going cause their natural habitat is not protected and their studying them for their remarkable ability to heal. They can grow back limbs and even part of their spinal cord. I’ve seen them for sale on Ebay recently since more folks are hearing about them. Pinkie Pie is the most adorable creature I’ve ever seen.

          • lroom

            Yes some scientists are studying then for their amazing ability to heal. They can grow back legs, the tale and part of their spinal cord. Their natural habitat is not protected so people are encouraged to raise them as pets to keep the species going. Arizona University is selling classroom kits and some pet stores and even folks on EBay are selling them now and they aren’t very expensive https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/420f31d8475b22b74bef05b81cf2a025561896b16a069759dbed761824762330.jpg . She is the most adorable pet I’ve ever had. My granddaughter calls her a flower dragon.

          • proudgrampa

            Well, Pinkie Pie and your granddaughter are two lucky ladies! I’m gonna do some more personal research and look into getting the proudgrandkids involved!

            Cheers!

          • lroom

            She did a whole presentation in her classroom about them. Her teacher was impressed and they may get one of the classroom kits this year. If the grandkids are interested show them this website axolotl.org and they can learn everything about them. I got mine from Back Yard Pets website and they come in lots of different colors plus she is a freshwater fish so they are easy to care for. Sorry Proud Grampa about the long posts I’m hoping others will take an interest too.

          • proudgrampa

            No worries, l! I get all my news, weather, porn, and science project ideas from Wonkette!

        • We don’t count the backgrounders!

      • Naytch
    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      I am leaning towards Discord, though while not a pony as such, is voiced by John de Lancie. Yes, I am that shallow. Deal with it.

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/f2d053a29a09f9b844080984937156c140133fb81ce1c4afd78183cd1197888f.png

  • Crack_A_Toe_Ah

    The Equifax tool does not tell you explicitly if your data has been compromised.
    If you are lucky you get a message that says “…we believe your personal information was not impacted by this incident…”

    WTF does “personal information impacted” mean? Is that a new euphemism for your personal information has been stolen, bought and sold and bought again, and that Russian hackers are now ready to assume your identity, empty your bank accounts, empty your 401K, and max out your credit cards?

    • jesterpunk

      It means give us your credit card number and we promise we wont do anything bad with it, we pinky swear. Also you cant sue now sucker.

      • mackafritz

        I’m going to give my SSN and other personal info to a company who has just been hacked. Right.

        • jesterpunk

          What could possibly go wrong?

        • RMKH

          They already have it.

    • calliecallie

      OT, but I like your…what do the kids call it? Handle? Where is Crack_A_Toe_Ah? East of Java! That was what my bff and I wrote on an 8th grade science test we took after school to improve our terrible grades. Back in the day.
      I am prone to broken toes, also, too, because I go barefoot and am clumsy and sometimes drink. So I like it for that reason as well. The next toe I break, instead of swearing, I will say “Crack a toe, aaaahhhh! East of Javaaaa!” and then swear.
      PS Welcome to Wonkette!

  • Ms.MLG on Maui

    Just blame Jews, then throw acid in a woman’s face, and this will all be fixed instantly. So simple.

    • mancityRed6

      why can’t we just take some acid and watch some Wall?

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Mexico will pay for it

  • theblackdog

    Side note: Don’t sign up on Equifax’s site for their credit monitoring due to the hack. They include a mandatory arbitration clause waiving your right to sue Equifax or participate in a class-action suit against them. Also the site itself is garbage as a security consultant today entered Smith as their last name and 123123 as the last 6 of their SS# and it came back saying that yeah they were hacked.

  • mancityRed6

    and there is already a class action lawsuit.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Greatest lawyer job creation program in history.

      • mancityRed6

        the lawsuit is how they went cheap on the cyber security to save money
        I know, I would use it but my feinting couch has been ground to dust since November.

        • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

          “feinting couch”

          FTW

          • Yellerduck

            I’m going for it this time! Hah! You flinched. This time for real! Made you look!

  • I figger if my information gets hacked it will be by a HACKER WITH A HEART OF GOLD who will feel bad about my pittance of a bank statement and dump a few stray million in there because of ROBIN HOOD and all that.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/05120cb7ea9853325bce54e8ffb9292e5c087a11359ae6eef92e7ba7cf3385dc.jpg

  • jesterpunk
  • TundraGrifter

    “Free Credit Monitoring” – IF, as I understand the offer, one waives the right to sue over losses and damages.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      And it automatically rolls over to a fee based service if you forget to cancel

      • jowgajen

        Fucking crooks.

      • TundraGrifter

        Like they say, if you are stuck with lemons, make lemoncello.

      • TundraGrifter

        Never let a disaster or other debacle go to waste. And don’t let dessert go to your waist.

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        ^THIS shit.

  • mancityRed6

    and I have read elsewhere that they will send you snail mail if your information might have been breached

    • OutOfOrbit

      can we even trust the USPO? that is Big Government

      • mancityRed6

        well, they are mostly union…

    • Catstro

      That’s how we found out that our daughter’s info was exposed in the Anthem/BCBS hack. Before her first birthday, even. I’m still fucking furious about that.

  • I’m sure their golden parachutes will be just so heavy…

    • mancityRed6

      the literal golden parachute, from about 15,000 feet up just sounds so very nice.

  • OrG

    Shocked!

  • Picabo

    “Equifax just broke the US consumer finance industry AND the internet. Here’s what YOU need to do now”
    https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2017/9/8/1697105/-Equifax-just-broke-the-US-consumer-finance-industry-AND-the-internet-Here-s-what-YOU-need-to-do-now

    • Rags

      Of course, the ahole companies they list charge you $10 per to put these freezes in place.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Relax. On the criminality spectrum, this pales in comparison to some kid smoking a joint.

    • mackafritz

      We all know marijuana is worse than Hitler.

      • TundraGrifter

        Beauregard Jefferson Sessions, is that you?

    • Rags

      Or eating a bag of Skittles.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Or being the child of an illegal alien

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Or selling loose cigarettes.

    • Rick Hill

      Or walking down the street while being black

    • JoeChristmas

      Or driving 64mph in a 55mph zone.

    • OneYieldRegular

      Or driving without credit.

  • jesterpunk
    • unclejeems

      Say, what’s that attorney general doing actually attorney-generalling? Doesn’t he know that Jeff Sessions frowns on egregious interference with the mysterious workings of the free market? Jeesh.

    • guppy06

      “Unenforceable?” SCOTUS says otherwise, which is why everybody and their misbegotten brother squeeze in these “individual arbitration onry!” clauses whenever you purchase so much as a toaster.

      • H0mer0

        why would you need a credit card when you can open a bank account and get a free one?

        Oh, ISWYDT

  • Crystalclear12

    On a serious note. If your are expecting a tax refund at the end of the year file as soon as the government will let you. You don’t have to have good credit for this data breach to be a problem.

    • OutOfOrbit

      or when your employer FINALLY gets your W2 into the mail

      • Crystalclear12

        I lot of companies will let you print them out online or go directly to your HR department.

        • OutOfOrbit

          me not like stuff like that going thru the intertoobs, pron only!

          • Crystalclear12

            Well, at least you have standards.

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

    Yes, they should have a careful investigation and have an independent law firm interview the executives and review their emails and determine what they knew and when, but the end result is likely clear.

    BUT THEIR EMAILS!

  • SomeBigRedDog

    This is why I don’t use credit cards.

    Oh, and the fact that I’m a dog and you assholes won’t let me have one.

    • OutOfOrbit

      you must be smrter than the dog that cannut get out of the bowl

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Ruff life…

    • Yellerduck

      Oh, so you’re playing the Master card.

      • Parakeetist

        I see what you did there.

      • yyyaz

        Dogs have carte blanche to do that, you know.

      • RMKH

        I would get out of this discussion but my visa has been cancelled

        • Pilotshark

          when did you discover that?

          • RMKH

            I tried to close my web browser but Wonkette wouldn’t allow it. So I’m stuck in the middle with you.

          • Doug Langley

            When he was lunching at the diner’s club.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        I blame the Mexicans. Well, not all Mexicans. Just a Mex.

    • clairence

      you’ve probably still got a credit rating.
      i’ve heard of pets (ahem, not you. you’re not a ‘pet’) getting credit offers.

      • SomeBigRedDog

        I am so a pet. Don’t mistake me for one of those working dogs. Suckers.

        • clairence

          my bad. I assumed you were independent.
          sometimes it’s better to let others take care of you.

    • NotDarkYet

      don’t ask for permission, just take a cc and then poop on it

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Nothing against dogs but you’d have more success if you didn’t bring home chewed-up credit cards you found in the street and dump them in front of your masters’ feet and then cock your heads with a shit eatin’ grin.

      That behavior goes on your Equifax file.

      • SomeBigRedDog

        ITS NOT LIKE I HAVE POCKETS!

        • Mehmeisterjr

          It’s a fair point but if you took the trouble to find a “master” who dressed you up in pants and vests, you’d have pockets.

          The ball is in your court. Fetch boy, fetch.

          • SomeBigRedDog

            That’s offensive

    • guppy06

      Whether or not you use a credit card doesn’t matter. Somebody else can now get a credit card with your name on it and you’ll be held responsible.

  • memzilla Ω

    HERE IS THE LINK THAT PROVES THE EQUIFAX “FREE” CREDIT MONITORING SERVICE IS A SCAM. IF YOU ENROLL IN THE SERVICE, YOU FORFEIT YOUR RIGHT TO JOIN A CLASS ACTION SUIT!

    • jowgajen

      AG of NY has forced Equifax to “clarify” that the arbitration clause applies to the “credit monitoring service”.

    • Reddishrabbit

      Sadly any lawsuits are likely just going to end up in years of courts and than we may get a couple of cents. The last federal class action got kicked from federal to state.
      I’m just freezing my credit for now because don’t trust anyone right now with monitoring.

  • altleftjohn

    This is what I get for paying my debts on time all my life.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Apple polisher.

      • altleftjohn

        I feel like such a fool.

      • akita96th

        Just working for at-ta-boys

    • Vincent Ricola

      Seriously. Motherfuckers.

    • H0mer0

      no wonder millennials don’t want to establish credit. I knew their passive aggression had some wisdom behind it.

  • Vincent Ricola

    Go directly to jail. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. GentirelyTFO.

  • Wolf Tracker

    What Equifax knows about you…and therefore what me must assume the bad guys now know about you, too:

    Your Social Security number
    Your date of birth
    Your place of birth
    Your mother’s maiden name
    Every address you’ve ever lived at
    Your spouse’s name and your kids’ names (if you have any)…nicely linked to your name
    The year, make, and model of your car(s)
    Your email address and phone number

    That’s more than my Ex wife knows dammit!

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      My Ex only knows how to torment, shame and be paranoid.

      This is worser.

    • mancityRed6

      oh fuck, they think I might still be married.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Then they also know that nobody with half a brain would lend me a significant sum of cash.

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        me either, and yet when my identity was stolen a few years ago – the guy managed to get a line of credit for $1,000 at jewerly store AND got 3 cell ph ones with 3 lines at AT&T.

    • NotDarkYet

      Great … my account is impacted. Now what?

      • SnowBomber

        It’s super easy to put a renewable fraud alert on your credit report. Call one of the credit report agencies (I called TransUnion and everything was automated) and they have to notify the other two.

        https://www.consumer.ftc.gov/articles/0275-place-fraud-alert

        • NotDarkYet

          Thank you! I’ll be on the phone first thing in the morning!

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Every address I’ve had is more than I know about myself. Maybe I should go onto the dark web and buy my information – it’s convenient that it’s all in one place.

  • Beanz&Berryz

    143 million… virtually everyone who’s over 18 years old… The hackers could rat Trump… Kompromat…

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Yep, that occurred to me earlier today. Pretty much every adult American in the entire goddamn fucking country.

  • clairence

    Russia’s doing a helluva job. giving us an illegitimate POTUS, who continues to diss congress, the courts, and the media, while fueling cultural conflicts at every turn. And now, everybody’s credit rating is suspect.
    I wonder if they have a weather machine, too.

    • RMKH

      I am absolutely sure that they have the weather machine because my Dad (RIP) started blaming “The Russian Wind Machine” for every weather anomaly starting in 1962 or so. Since he was not particularly paranoid, there must be something to it.

      • Blanche de Shambles

        Everyone always complains about the weather, but nobody ever does anything about it.

        Unless they are Cobra Commander.

  • TheStrayGoose

    Something stinks about this whole thing. I went on the site today to find out if my accounts were impacted and I was directed to t their credit monitoring page. Here’s the rub: It appears that the only real purpose of their credit monitoring program is to get you to give up your right to sue Equifax for damages.

    • Alan

      They’ve retracted that already. Pissed off too many people.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      The real purpose is to get you to sign up for the “free” service, which will turn into not-free after 12 months. They want YOU to pay THEM to protect you from the consequences of their fuck-up.

  • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

    The paranoid side of me thinks that the equifax information was hacked by Russian hackers and now the Trump Maladministration has the information.

    So does the non-paranoid side of me.

    • Mormos

      no, that is a one way information exchange.

    • SnowBomber

      It was probably that fucker Kris Kobach.

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    Oh wow now I am really moved. The Dutch Antilles have been pushing for indepence for decades and In 2010 Sint Maarten, Aruba and Curacao were given the status of individual countries within the Kingdom of the Netherlands meaning we don’t really hve to care what happens to them in case of emergency. Without request our Prime-Minister just stated that the state of emergency in Sint Maarten is considered the same state of emergency should this have happened to Amsterdam.

    Our King and Queen will visit Sint Maarten on Sunday and multiple private efforts for relief have already

    raised millions in Euro’s and many millions more in pure food, shelter and other things.

    In this age of xenofobia this really warms my heart.

    https://twitter.com/kon_marine/status/906257455407140864

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Good for your PM, and the royals!

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Yeah, but did the King send thoughts and prayers? Or better yet, wish them luck?
        You guys have a lot to learn.

    • BrianW

      Pshaw. They can’t be REAL leaders unless they monetize this somehow. Do they have some hats they can sale, or something?

    • little miss high and mighty

      King Willem and Queen Maxima ! Represent! We loves them!

  • Canis Greyhame

    Pitchforks are definitely in order. And our only immediate recourse is to PAY THEM to put a credit freeze on our reports?

    No, motherfuckers, apologies are not enough, and neither is the “free” credit monitoring offer (with big fat hooks & strings attached).
    http://digg.com/2017/equifax-hack

  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    The infosec people have the logs.

  • Reddishrabbit

    I hope they go the way of Arthur Anderson

    • H0mer0

      I like that hope better than the image of heads on pikes.

  • svejk

    defo three future trump jobbers, one of them regulating credit reporting firms no doubt.

  • atheist

    This country stoped caring about corporate malfeasance a long time ago. Don’t expect to see any investigations come out of it, especially now.

    • Stulexington

      Yeah, expecting a regulatory board, especially one that deals with finance, to do it’s job in this day and age is wishful thinking at this point.

  • JMP

    Obviously, this is all just a huge coincidence, and no I don’t know how to put two and two together.

    • Stulexington

      It’s two right? You put two and two together you just get more twos, I’m sure of it.

      • ahughes798

        You get three 2s, so that equals six.

  • Mormos

    it is almost as if we shouldn’t store massive amounts of consumer data in one place.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Storing it is OK . . . putting it online is criminal idiocy.

  • hudson

    the missus seems to be hacked. have advised her not to give out last 6 digits of SSN to figure that out. it is better we cancel the card nd take a hit on credit rating.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      All you need is a new card with a new number, which shouldn’t affect your rating.

      • hudson

        we have already replaced it twice in recent months.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Gawd, what a PITA.

          • hudson

            what happened was, this was hooked up to several bills, and was the only account we sent cheque to. we’ve try not carry balance in any account as a rule. that way, we can control expenses. it used to work fine untill it got hacked. and now having to change this means a lot of edits to all accounts. have advised missus to change primary account to another card. this one seems gone.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            That’s why I choose electronic checking account withdrawals, instead of using the debit card attached to the account, for all my monthly bills. Bank accounts are very hard to hack, which is why the criminals focus on credit cards. There’s very little a crook can do with your routing and account numbers — they’re printed on every check you send out, and it causes virtually no trouble at all. (The worst they could do is print up some checks, and try to use them, but at the end of the day the only party who loses is the fool who took the check. It’s not a scam that lends itself to mass theft of data.)

          • hudson

            good advice

  • MOG253

    Jail. That’s all.

    • dshwa

      They’ll get multimillion dollar severance packages when they’re let go. And not a day in jail.

    • guppy06

      For us? Probably. We’ll all be sent to debtor’s jail for debts fraudulently taken out in our names.

      • H0mer0

        great point!
        same as it ever was…

  • Robert Gibson

    This is insider trading, right? Like, textbook definition of.

    • Old Man Yells at Cloud

      If they are not scum sucking weasels, they had set up 10b5-1 scheduled trades long in advance and would have no ability to stop or alter the trades. I have worked companies which required execs to schedule trades of the company stock more than 1 year in advance, so its its possible that they are innocent. All they would have to do is publish the 10b5-1 paperwork to exonerate themselves. And I am sure they would if only there were a medium where one could quickly publish information…

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Equifax said the data theft affected 143 million consumers. That’s almost half the population – certainly much more than half of all adults with credit cards and bank accounts. You, and I, just had our data stolen. By Russian mobsters, maybe, or the North Korean gov’t. Maybe it’ll be for sale on the dark intertubez.

    Equifax is allowing people to sign up on its website for “free” identity theft protection
    and credit file monitoring. But the credit monitoring service, an Equifax company called TrustedID, has a provision buried in the fine print that limits liability: a mandatory arbitration provision. Also, consumers who sign up for this “free” service will be charged for it after a one-year trial period, if they don’t call the company to cancel their
    subscription. (The stolen data has a shelf life of decades, so that one free year is worth shit.)

    Yes, they’re turning this into a money-making opportunity. Fuckin’ Chootzpah or what? I think a monitoring service is now mandatory (they call or text you if anybody attempts to open an account using your data), but for fucks sake don’t give Equifax a goddamned dime. Go with LIfeLock or a similar outfit – maybe they won’t be stupid enough to put their fucking database ONLINE.

  • Alan

    That’s a class action suit in itself. I’m sure someone is working on it right now on behalf of the shareholders.

    • brucej

      Well, maybe, if the shareholders didn’t sign away those rights when they clicked on the website like the fuckers at Equifax tried to get away with for people trying to check if their lives and bank accounts were about to be fucked over…

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        “By opening this web page, you have already agreed to the following terms…”

        • Old Man Yells at Cloud

          My favorite is “By breathing the Earth’s atmosphere, you agree to the terms and conditions …”

  • dshwa

    We send people (Yes, mostly African Americans) to jail for possessing a dime bag, but not only will these three not see the inside of a cell, they’ll get multi-million dollar severance packages when they’re let go.

    • Alan

      Sadly, you’re probably correct.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Equafaxfix.

    • Moar Wordz

      EQUIFUX

      • guppy06

        They fux equines?

        • Moar Wordz

          Joke, ha-ha ?
          No, then I would’ve written
          ” Equinefux. ”
          I don’t like the idea of people having congress with horses. That’s animal abuse & is really sick.
          I like horses and think Dudes should keep their dicks out of them. Which they don’t. Being lame.
          People who do that get reincarnated as cockroaches.

  • The Librarian

    🎶There’s no trading like insider trading🎶 Brought to you by the SEC, assuming they are actually still in business.

  • We don’t know nothing about insider trading? ( sneaky equi fax executives)

  • Mavenmaven

    This is why Trump wants deregulation. If the Rich don’t run off with everybody’s money, who will trickle down money for job creation?

  • Moar Wordz

    Martha Stewart did hard time for insider trading. I predict these three will get a slap on the wrist, bcse Penis.
    I mean, they had her fucking head on a pike.
    Martha is a 🚺 & came out swinging.
    I’d do passionfruit jello shots w/her anytime.
    ( Movie reference, not sapphic love song. )

  • Willem Oosterhof

    One of the reasons I never use credit card. Just a bank account. There’s no need for me to use a card anyway since my bank card is usable all over Europe. If I need a bank card for travel outside the Euro zone, I think about it but after getting home I’ll ditch it as soon as possible.

    • guppy06

      Except this isn’t about stealing any current credit cards you may have, it’s about somebody else having enough information to obtain a new credit card with your name on it. You’d be the one whose door the sheriff is knocking on.

      And in the US at least you have more protections with a credit card than a debit card. You’re not responsible for credit card charges you dispute, even before the dispute is resolved, but with a debit card the money is gone now whether you end up getting it back months later or not, not to mention any overdraft fees.

      • Mike Steele

        Bingo. As an old, have eschewed social media/online banking. Use only one credit card for inperson/online purchases, so we only have to monitor one account, and if someone cares to steal, it won’t be entire checking/savings assets, but merely access to credit line, which is protected, if nipped in the bud. Debit card use leaves you open to siphoning of every dime you have.

  • whitroth

    You *did* notice that they sold it right after the data breach… and that Equifax DIDN’T REPORT IT FOR OVER A MONTH?

    I’m wondering if those execs are out of the US already, ahead of criminal charges….

    Folks, screw credit monitoring: FREEZE YOUR ACCOUNTS. (Yes, you have “Acconts”). It costs between $15 and zero, call all four credit agencies (Equifax, Experien, and I forget the other two). You’ll either be assigned a PIN, or you choose one. NO ONE can open a new account (nor, for that matter, can a new landlord or employer) look at your credit report unless you log on, and using your PIN, *allow* them, and only them. to get a credit report.

    • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

      Equifax: http://www.freeze.equifax.com/…

      Experian: http://www.experian.com/…

      TransUnion: annualcreditreport.transunion.com/…

      • whitroth

        Thanks, he says, with a feral grin. There are enough of us here who know enough to help those that wander in the wilderness.

        • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

          No problemo; I just finished “freezing,” so it was fresh on my mind.
          It took me @ 15 minutes, and cost $15. Well worth the time & $, because I was just slightly freaking out.
          I am also going to call Transunion tomorrow, and have them put a fraud alert on my accounts (apparently, they’ll alert the other 2 companies): 1-800-680-7289

      • whitroth

        I’ve just emailed tips, and asked folks to put this into the bottom of the story, so it doesn’t get buried.

      • anomie

        To freeze credit, Equifax is asking for full name, social, birthday, address… I guess I’m good with giving this to them??

        You pretty much have to put your personal info in there for any place to do the freeze. Just makes me extra uneasy.

  • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

    I don’t think I want to sign up for free credit monitoring through the company that fucked up the whole thing in the first place.

    • ahughes798

      I think it’s only free for a limited amount of time. Lifelock would probably do a better job.

  • SineDie

    Do not sign up at the Equifax site. Two reasons. First, by signing up, you are waiving your right partipate in any class action arising out of this mess. Second, unbelievably, you are asked to provide the last SIX digits of your SSN for ID. So the company that compromised personal data of 143 million people now he asks for more of your Social Security number than anybody else.

    Credit reporting agencies and health insurance companies are in the same category.

    Yes, I’m a lawyer. Don’t hold it against me.

    • ahughes798

      You know…everybody hates lawyers until they need one. I don’t hate lawyers, I’ve needed them once or twice. I have friends who are lawyers. Plus, it’s kind of stupid to hate a specific group of people. It’s jobism, or something like that.

      • kev

        the problem with lawyers is that the 99% give the other 1% a bad name.

        Kev, Esq.(ret)

      • SineDie

        Made my day.

  • Zyxomma

    Why not both?

  • guppy06

    Or maybe they’ll get jobs in the Trump administration.

    I’m thinking Cyber Command.

    • Old Man Yells at Cloud

      No, Lil’Donnie Two-Scoops has Barron doing that. He’s a wiz at Minecraft so its right up his alley.

  • Walker

    IMPORTANT — Beware the arbitration clause hidden in the micetype of the credit monitoring thing that Equifax wants to “give” you.

    I swear to Dog, watching the banksters and credit bureaus operate forces you to think that these morans are absolutely having a contest to see which one reaches the goal first, that goal being make the peasants decide that what America needs most is many miles of roadways across the land decorated with the heads of former corporate suits impaled on poles.

  • From Russia with Love

    I clicked the Equifax thingie and it said that I “might” have had info compromised by this hack. I would probably sign up for credit monitoring, except that I don’t need it. I already have it for free because of a breech at the federal Office of Personnel Management when I was a Civil Servant, and another time more recently when the pay masters at a Non-Appropriated Fund job also spilled the beans, mine included.

    Fucking assholes.

    Also, see paragraph 2 below:

    Cybersecurity Incident & Important Consumer Information
    Consumer Notice FAQs Potential Impact Enroll TrustedID Premier Contact Us

    A Progress Update for Consumers
    September 8, 2017

    1). YOU CAN DETERMINE YOUR STATUS IMMEDIATELY
    Some consumers who visited the website soon after its launch failed to receive confirmation clarifying whether or not they were potentially impacted. That issue is now resolved, and we encourage those consumers to revisit the site to receive a response that clarifies their status.

    2). NO WAIVER OF RIGHTS FOR THIS CYBER SECURITY INCIDENT
    In response to consumer inquiries, we have made it clear that the arbitration clause and class action waiver included in the Equifax and TrustedID Premier terms of use does not apply to this cybersecurity incident.

    • Incoming Ham

      The double whammy sucks.

  • little miss high and mighty

    Another phisching trick and anybody left out of the first culling will volunteer to get data’d on the rebound.
    Folks, they gots us covered every way to Tuesday and Saturday.
    We be all naked now.
    They know our favorite ponys!
    Equifax gotta pay that yacht mortgage, too ya know.

  • Nasty Woman Persisted
  • akita96th

    Ahh its just a little white collar crime , nothing to get excited about…Just make them promise 100 times never to do it again…And give them a raise and everything will be alright. Maybe even a big tax cut on their profits..yeah that will teach them not be naughty.

  • redblack

    the first thing i’m going to do is read fight club again.

  • efoveks

    Good thing we got rid of those regulations or these guys might be in real trouble!

  • Carolyn

    Though I’m notified I may have been impacted I’m guessing anyone with a pulse and credit card is. And then envisioning a 134 million member class action lawsuite (yeah, that’ll happen!) I’m taking whatever $#%@!! imperfect options are available now – and freezing accounts seems to be a no-brainer.

    I was able to freeze my accounts with Equifax and Transunion easily. Since Experian wouldn’t accept my request (though submitting same info as the other two), I finally found their upload site where they’ll take the request with customer’s uploading supporting documents in either .tiff (NOBODY uses tiffs anymore!) or .pdf format. I scanned/uploaded pdf’s of driver’s license, social security card, and utility bill. The site: https://www.experian.com/consumer/upload/ Have no clue how much time will lapse between receipt of my stuff and when/if they actually do the freeze since their site definitely lacks actual helpful information.

    THEN: Messaged my bank asking if I should get new cards issued, reminding them that I would then have to go through the nightmare of unfreezing all three credit agency accounts temporarily so they can be entered/validated on my online accounts – then repeat the process to re-freeze them.

    Thanks for the article on the Titanic. Officers laden with fresh bonus bucks get the life rafts leaving the rest of us paddling around trying to fend off sharks!

  • Old Man Yells at Cloud

    I’m sure that to show how they are good people, they will undo their sales by buying back the same number of shares first thing Monday morning. After all, what’s a little 13% profit over the weekend among friends.

  • Michael Loraine

    Hahaha! Funny puppy!

    So what were we talking about again?

  • SineDie

    I wanted to update my post from yesterday on the Equifax site. Subject to the caveat that I doubt anything that a credit company says, Equifax now advises that neither the arbitration clause or the class action provision will apply to this particular event.

    I’m going to wait until after 9/12.

  • kloewent

    I wouldn’t let those guys manage the pile of bones my dog buries in the backyard! The PIN they give you when you freeze your account is 10 numbers, that seems good right. Well the first 6 are the date and the last 4 are one more than the guy before you. So you have a PIN that has an easily discovered 6 numbers, then only 4 to crack after that, so not very secure. They have proven themselves to be techno-dolts and don’t deserve another chance. Look how silly the managers were, they accidentally sold some stock and then had to buy it back again!!

Previous articleIs Daily Stormer Head Nazi Real Life, Or Is He Just Fantasy?
Next articleBadass Little Girl With Robot Hand Is Most Valuable Pitcher Of ALL TIME BASEBALL HISTORY