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Is this bad? It might be bad.

Texas is just starting to move from crisis to recovery mode following Hurricane Harvey, and Puerto Rico is about to be hit head-on by Hurricane Irma as soon as tonight, with Florida likely to be hit by the weekend. So this seems like an inconvenient time for the Federal Emergency Management Agency to be running out of money. By Friday, just as the nation’s weather reporters will be standing in a hurricane and telling people to stay inside. You’d think someone would have said something.

As of 10 a.m. Tuesday morning, FEMA’s Disaster Relief Fund, which pays for the agency’s disaster response and recovery activity, had just $1.01 billion on hand. And of that, just $541 million was “immediately available” for response and recovery efforts related to Hurricane Harvey, according to a spokeswoman for FEMA who asked not to be identified by name.

The $1.01 billion in the fund Tuesday morning is less than half of the $2.14 billion that was there at 9 a.m. last Thursday morning — a spend rate of $9.3 million every hour, or about $155,000 a minute.

As of Wednesday, the administration is working frantically on a plan to blame Barack Obama for the nation’s disaster management agency running out of money between two massive hurricanes. And Congress will probably vote to fund disaster relief — the Trump administration has asked for an extra $8 billion of extra funding.

The House is supposed to vote on the additional funding today, and the Senate later this week, though they have to have an important ideological fight over raising the debt ceiling, too. When you’re between two hurricanes, the smart move is to threaten to default on the nation’s debt. Shows the International Bankers you’re serious. Then of course if the Senate bill is different from the House’s, they need to work that out, and maybe in the conference committee they’ll toss in another Obamacare repeal while they’re at it.

For now, FEMA is being very careful about spending, limiting it to “immediate needs” like “lifesaving, life-sustaining response efforts” for Harvey and, real darn soon, Irma. The agency can also shift around money from other projects, although there’s a limit to how long that would cover the bills.

Oh, yes, and Elizabeth Zimmerman, FEMA’s former associate administrator for the office of response and recovery, points out that “We’re not even at peak hurricane season,” which seems like a really pessimistic outlook. After Harvey and Irma, what are the odds of more natural disasters occurring, anyway? Probably only slightly more likely than the USA electing a president who’s a loudmouthed reality TV star with literally no experience in governing whatsoever.

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[Bloomberg]

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  • TJ Barke

    Republican governance is abject failure.

  • schmannity

    But has FEMA tapped its Hopes and Prayers reserve?

    • ManchuCandidate

      About as worthless as an IOU from Drumpf.

      • HooverVilles

        They are both equally worthless. ;-)

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          >>>http://GoogleFinancialJobsCash690TopRush/GetPay$97/Hour…….

  • dslindc

    Has FEMA tried pulling itself up by its bootstraps and taking some personal responsibility for its funding? What a taker!

    • schmannity

      Hurricane Queens in Cadillacs.

    • GuidedAccordingly

      Bake sales?

  • ManchuCandidate

    It is a perfect storm of stupidity, arrogance, blind adherence to a failed ideology (libertarianism/Randism/American Assholism) and mother nature being disappointed with us psychotic pink apes for abusing her.

  • I can’t imagine what’s causing all of these super-intense hurricanes to turn our Gulf States into Atlantis.

    I mean, it can’t be Climate Changes since those darned Chinese invented that as a way to become more competitive than us…

    • jodyleek

      I’m going to build a hurricane wall. And make Gina pay for it!

    • marxalot

      Atlantis? That’s it! This is unwarranted aggression from the Atlanteans! Damn you, Savage Submariner and/or Queen Mera. We must strike back. Order the tanks to pull up to the Gulf Coast and fire into the water. Blow another oil rig. No quarter!

      • PubOption

        Never mind Atlantis, Atlanta could be in for a soaking.

  • dslindc

    Well obviously, the solution is to cut taxes for the rich and allow the private sector to manage emergencies. What could go wrong?

    • TJ Barke

      How much time you got?

      • dslindc

        But surely the relief will trickle down to everyone!

        • Major_Major_Major

          Possibly, IF:
          1) You are upper middle class, white by preference
          2) You catch fire, then they MIGHT be willing to trickle on you

        • HooverVilles

          ….tinkle down….
          There. FIFY.

      • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

        The Trickle-Down Theory in Practice:
        You cut taxes on the wealthy.
        That’s all that happens.

        • Robbertjan Brandenburg

          The Trickle-Down Theory:
          You cut taxes on the wealthy.
          It’s all goes downhill from there on.

          The Trickle-Downhill Theory.

    • AmazingProfessionalCrastinator

      I have a FacePlace gaming friend that thinks that’s a good idea.

  • fawkedifiknow

    If God sends us hurricanes, let him pay for the clean up.

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      That’s right! Tax the churches! Staring with Joel Osteen would be a good start.

      • IdiokraticCulturalMarxist

        This calls for evangelical sacrifice! We must drop Joel Osteen into the eye to appease the hurricane gods!

        • Villago Delenda Est

          He’s not a virgin. That will piss off the hurricane gods.

          • Covfefe

            I’d say, give them some Duggars, but Josh. . . . .

          • Celtic_Gnome

            You know, looking at him, I would have guessed different.

        • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

          Nah, it would just spit him out 100 miles downwind.

        • jodyleek

          If we can drop one televangelist into a hurricane, why can’t we drop them all into a hurricane?

      • HooverVilles

        Hear! Hear!

  • BearLeft

    Who knew [your name here] would be so complicated!

    • HooverVilles

      Everything is complicated when all you have is 2 functioning neurons.
      PS: Nice avatar!

  • spangled

    honestly, i’m ready for america to float off into the ocean forever. @god, put us out of our fucking misery please!

  • The Librarian

    I don’t know, maybe some $ can be found via less golfing “working” vacations? Hahahaha, sure, you betcha. Predisenting is hard.

    • jesterpunk

      That might cover the secret service back pay for a month. But they are almost out of money too.

    • HooverVilles

      It is hard, if you are low energy and weak!

  • Dok Zoom: “When you’re between two hurricanes, the smart move is to threaten to default on the nation’s debt.”

    Wharton School of Business, Econ 101.

    • HooverVilles

      Is that what Wharton School of Bu$ine$$ students learn?

  • ariel_gee_398

    This is the problem with letting people who don’t acknowledge reality vote. Even leaving aside the climate change “debate,” you have to acknowledge that hurricanes and other natural disasters occur, and that no individual, state, or charitable organization can step into help people like the federal government can. But these Jade Helm believing motherfuckers would rather build bunkers and live in paranoid delusion land than acknowledge that.

  • Beanz&Berryz

    I miss having adults in government.

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      Tell a bunch of toddlers what the problems are and I bet they will provide better solutions than republican governance.

      • marxalot

        Kindergardeners know the word “share.”

  • TJ Barke

    If only there were incredibly wealthy individuals and organizations that make far more money than they actually use, with massive funds sitting around, doing nothing, that could be appropriated and distributed constructively by the government for the benefit of all citizens…

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Things were pretty good with a 90% top marginal rate. Ironically, that’s the Old America that Trump voters miss. Fuckng morans.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Every year at Christmas, my brother and I would spend the night in town with my grandparents, and they’d take us around to see the Christmas lights. This was early sixties, outdoor lights on individual homes was relatively new, and still relatively expensive. Only the wealthiest had them.

        Even with a 90% top tax rate, they still looked they were doing pretty good.

    • A Groucho Marxist

      You pinko!

    • Red Bird

      No. They need to keep their hard earned money for themselves. That’s the only way money has value. If it stays in the bank.

      • TJ Barke

        The most useful money is the money that is unused.

      • ichthyic

        wrong. money only has value if it is put to work.

        If you had any, you would know this.

        I used to, which is the only reason I know this.

        now? i just don’t give a shit any more, because nobody else puts their money to work, as the world has become mostly hoarding narcissistic sociopaths.

        • Red Bird

          Sarcasm is hard on the Internet.

    • bbayliss

      Commie

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Why doesn’t trump do some of that negotiating he’s always yammering on about?

    • Red Richmond

      Maybe Irma is coming to Florida so Trump can take her furniture shopping.

  • TundraGrifter

    This is what happens when Congress (responsible for the budget, revenue bills, taxes) doesn’t allocate enough money up front for FEMA. It lies about the fiscal situation by pretending there won’t be any emergencies and then uses “Emergency Resolutions” to provide additional funding.

    Well, this sure as fuck looks like an emergency to me.

  • OddMan

    Damn, talk about your “Perfect Storm”. Harvey will be the most expensive disaster in US history, maybe until Irma. North Korea has the big bomb and the big bomb missile . 800,000 of our brightest young immigrants are being kicked out. The EPA is being gutted. The Education Department is being sold to private schools. Congress can’t get it’s act together to pass anything. NASA head is a blithering idiot.
    Fuck what is next a Goddamn asteroid?

    • Major_Major_Major

      I don’t think we are that lucky.

      • beatbort

        No, not an asteroid. An ass-teroid. And it’s orange.

        • AmazingProfessionalCrastinator

          Is that a giant space hemorrhoid?

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      Hurricane Jose. Yes D.C. wiped out by a messican would be the perfect form of irony that even Alanis Morrisette couldn’t fuck up.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        It would be poetic for a hurricane named Jose to take out Mar-a-lago, but that fucker in the White House would just see that as an excuse to rebuild it even gaudier than before at taxpayer expense.

    • HooverVilles

      Yep, that about sums it up.
      Sigh!

  • beatbort

    This is all owned by the Republican Party. They own all three branches of government and this is what we get.
    Remember that, all you “undecided” voters, please…

  • A Groucho Marxist

    My bank account is a disaster, but one minute’s worth of FEMA relief would fix it right up. So is there a form to fill out, or how does that work?

    • Celtic_Gnome

      There is a form. The catch is you can only get it processed if your last name is Trump.

  • Indiepalin

    I thought Trump was going to delay the hurricane until congress acts on DACA.

  • OrG

    I’m sure the invisible hand of the free market will sort this out./s

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Or is it the free hand of the invisible market?

    • Stulexington

      They tried, but they’re not allowed to price gouge nearly as hard as they wanted so they’re out.

    • marxalot

      That sucking sound you hear is the invisible hand flipping you off.

  • vivian

    Last I heard, Trump’s plan to deal with Irma was to send a bunch of people, the best people, into the eye of Irma where they will spin clockwise as fast as they can to generate air currents to slow Irma down.

    • bupkus231

      Even KAC and Huckabee Sanders can’t spin fast enough…

      • vivian

        And never in the same direction at the same time.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        SHS is so bad at spinning that she accidentally confused Trump with Obama the other day so I fear she will just intensify the winds.

  • DerrickWildcat

    I sent my thoughts and prayers. My work is done.

  • Zonath

    Oh hell no. These hurricanes are just fake news to convince people to support funding FEMA so that they can build even more camps.

    • Covfefe

      Rush Limbaugh, says all this coverage about hurricanes is just TV ratings and libruls and “scientists” preaching the myth of climate change.

      • marxalot

        Is he evacuating, or will he put his money where his oxy goes and ride it out in FLA?

        • Covfefe

          In all fairness, Rush evacuates two hours a day, five days a week.

      • PubOption

        Tell him Irma is going to destroy the Dominican Republic.

  • jesterpunk
    • Ghenghis McCann

      Jose? Now that sounds Messican…

      • jesterpunk

        Its stealing jerbs from ‘Merican hurricanes.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          They’re not sending us their best hurricanes.

          • TakingAmes

            Some, I assume, are good hurricanes.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Katie? I should be Kate in honor of Walter Becker.

  • Notreelyhelping

    I thought Irma was supposed to hoover up all the Dreamers. Uh, maybe “Hoover” isn’t the best word choice.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    They should naming hurricanes after wingnut members of Congress. Because they’re both blowhards.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      I would actually be humongously in favor of naming hurricanes after climate change-denying Congresspeople.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Hurricane Hastert? Bleuhhh.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      They aren’t anything alike. Hurricanes accomplish something.

  • JohnBull

    Is Puerto Rico REALLY ‘Merkuh? Hawaii isn’t and they’re not even Messican.

    • jesterpunk

      Hawaii is an island somewhere in the Pacific in Kenya.

      • IdiokraticCulturalMarxist

        Also they have liberal mooslem-loving judges!

        • jesterpunk

          That cant question the president on immigration policy, because when the president decides something its law.*

          *Offer not valid for blah presidents or democrats.

        • Beanz&Berryz

          Out in the ocean…

          • bbayliss

            Lotta water.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            No-one could have known…

      • Celtic_Gnome

        And their people aren’t exactly white.

    • h4rr4r

      They don’t grow corn, so not Murica.

      • YoBunnyBunny

        Or make butter cows!!!

    • Beanz&Berryz

      A really very good comment…

  • Covfefe

    While we’re worried about hurricanes, Jesus sent different message to Canada last night,

  • Mpeg

    “More storms. Bigly ones. Bad ones. They have names. Did you know the alphabet is in the first letters? Of each name? Not a lot of people know that.”

    — you-know-who

  • Villago Delenda Est

    How can this be happening? Donald said that everyone in America is rich now due to his polices?

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Other than the everyones that his polices beat, man-handle, arrest, and shoot…

    • GuidedAccordingly

      Tired of winning already?

  • Major_Major_Major

    What would supply-side Jesus do?

    • JohnBull

      Be white, speak English, drive a truck over a row of ducks and kick people off food stamps.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Also roll coal.

        • Résistance Land Shark Ω

          … with a “victory” flag in the rear window …

          • Villago Delenda Est

            Dixie Swastika.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    Meanwhile, Donnie is heading up to North Dakota to propound on how Congress needs to address tax reform right now instead of everything else they need to do right now to keep the lights on.

    • OrG

      Gotta have priorities.

    • bbayliss

      I was born in Fargo.
      North Dakota and trump deserve each other.

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        Could we build him a “winter” White House there?

        • PubOption

          He might go to South Dakota, to pose for his image on Mount Rushmore.

  • marxalot

    The US Virgin Islands are in the Disaster Zone, too, while we’re talking territories. If this is the Atlantic just warming up (ha ha, a joke, and also the water is warmer than usual, causing higher windspeeds, ah ha), next month is going to be rough.

    • WeaselPoo

      But the British Virgin Islands will be fine. On account of US media hasn’t mentioned them so those British Virgins have nothing to worry about because they aren’t real or something.

      • marxalot

        The BVi at least have the decency not to be a drain on the (US American) public purse!

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Well, Jose just formed up into a Tropical Storm and it’s right behind Irma. And there’s Katia swirling down near the Yucatan. At the current pace, this may be one of the most active years since 2005 (when they ran out of names and had to use Greek letters for the last 6 storms).

      • marxalot

        Depending on its windspeed and where it hits, we may get some rain from Katia up here in the valley. (Harvey got it raining in Little Rock, it’s not outside possibility.)

      • h4rr4r

        If it is right behind Irma, it should be less of a threat, hurricanes mix the water layers and they need warm surface temps to grow.

        • Courser_Resistance

          I just read this morning that the warm water goes far deeper than normal. Something like 200 meters down, so there may be more heat available than normal.

    • Anna Rompage

      Territories? You mean like remote islands full of brown people?

      Like they’ll get any help for the fright wing conservative jihadists that are currently in control of our govt….

    • bbayliss

      What makes you think there’s going to be a “next month”?

      • marxalot

        Oh come now, the sun isn’t due to swallow the earth for millenia yet.
        …bastard

      • TJ Barke

        There will be. No one may still be alive to experience it though…

  • bookish
    • Villago Delenda Est

      Non-functional link. Which is btw the way to go!

      • bookish

        Fixed, thanks.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      Is this the White Christian Genocide and Persecution Conspiracy, we’ve been hearing so much about lately??? We haven’t even started our War on Christmas Season yet.

    • Major_Major_Major

      In summary, the most important part of being a white evangelical is the firs part. Hence, the Trumpening

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Vermont is the most “religiously unaffiliated” state in the country. Oregon (yay!) is number two.

  • JohnBull

    Even the Florida governor has told people to scat. Guess the global warming jihadists have gotten to him too.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Even Governor Batboy can’t escape the quagmire that is Donnie’s administration.

      • Permit-holder Ron

        Does he really want to?

    • Beanz&Berryz

      NOT global warming-related. It’s an Act of God. It says so right there in the insurance contract. G-O-D. Not “science.”

    • Covfefe

      Bullscat

  • Bureaucrap

    The Russian Mafia is happy to help out, at the low low low interest rate of 365% per annum.

    • Marla

      Russia pretty much owns Florida

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Recalculated every fifteen minutes.

  • Scooby

    I’m not worried we will have so much profit from our war with China.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      The dick-trip war with North Korea will be plenty profitable, and cure all that unfair trade in cars, and semiconductors, and phones, that South Korea is using to take advantage of us… And it has been awhile since we had a few thousand U.S. military casualties in a day, so there’s that to look forward to, too.

      • Scooby

        Not to mention all the Panda Express they will be buying from us.

      • Querolous

        Kia and Hyundai will no longer be sold in the US after their factories are turned into rubble.. More jobs in the US. (for robots)

  • FauxAntocles

    Of course the Texas congress-critters will only vote for money for Texas – those Floridians are a bunch of takers!

  • Stulexington

    FEMA: okay we can maybe sorta cobble together enough of a response to Ima to keep things down to merely a catastrophe, as long as that’s the last until Congress gets off it’s ass and lets us have more money.

    Jose: Ola.

    Everyone on the east coast: Shit.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Katia: “Hi sailor!”

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Maybe we can fund it with payday loans.

  • Marla

    It’s a good thing Trump wants to give his fellow billionaires a tax break.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Billionaires: You’re not in our club, Donald. Megadebt to Russian banks doesn’t count.

  • Red Bird

    This is not even funny.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      No, it is not. It is a demonstration of why the citizens should be electing people with experience and an IQ higher than a house plant.

    • OutOfOrbit

      but Floriduh is run by Republicans who can not even utter “Global Warming” so …

    • natoslug

      I can laugh at anything. Being mentally unbalanced helps.

  • laughingnome

    Florida: Come for the Sun, Stay for the Disaster

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    The obvious solution for disaster funding is to repeal Obamacare and take that money out of Medicare. Then figure out how to screw the middle class and get the rich folks their tax cuts later.

    (Paul Ryan just had an orgasm.)

    • OutOfOrbit

      tax cuts for the rich must come first!

      • laughingnome

        Everyone knows the rich are the most vulnerable in a natural disaster.

      • And their coastal estates must be rebuilt first!

    • HandsOfFate

      You know, the ocean reclaiming Florida would greatly reduce Medicare expenses…

    • folderol

      Then figure out how to screw the middle class…

      What’s left to figure out?

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Mrs. Ryan wants to know what those are.

  • IdiokraticCulturalMarxist
    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Not any more.

    • Wolf Tracker

      He has been trying to sell it and even cut the price but no buyers and now he can write it off as a tax loss due to natural disaster. Probably has it insured to the hilt and will make money if it gets wiped out by Irma.

      Wealthy people never suffer like the rest of us even in disasters.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        It’s grifting time!

    • jesterpunk

      If it survives Irma then Jose or Katia will get it.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Jose, perhaps. Katia is going to have to get her act together from her current track, though.

        • jesterpunk

          Irma went from a tropical storm to a category 3 hurricane in 24 hours. Katia should be able to pick up some power in the same area.

    • Ghenghis McCann

      Coincidentally, Saint Martin is the patron saint of alcoholics. So probably also the patron saint of more than a few Wonketeers.

  • Obama spent FEMA’s budget on those underground bunkers built to house the UN troops who massed to take over Texas in Operation Jade Helm!!!!!

    • jesterpunk

      I thought he put the bunkers in Walmart basements?

      • Major_Major_Major

        You need to keep a lid on it, not act like a common Trump White House staffer and leak all our secrets.

        • jesterpunk

          They will never find the basement, they are hidden really well and not even the people who built the walmart’s know they are there.

          • Major_Major_Major

            Same architect as the Comet Ping Pong, eh?

          • Remember the Alamo?

          • Major_Major_Major

            It was right after Bowling Green, right?

          • Celtic_Gnome

            Isn’t that where Peewee’s bike is?

          • jesterpunk

            Yep that guy gets around.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        If he were a real businessman, he could have used all the closed K-Marts and Penneyses at half the price…

  • Beanz&Berryz

    OT: Tax cuts for billionaires… is it really just a form of money laundering.. (in addition to a tax cut)? Many current billionaires have billions in stocks that they haven’t yet actually cashed-in, in part to avoid paying any tax. So, one aspect of cutting taxes on stocks, like from stock options, is to legitimize vast amounts of money that is really just potential money until you sell the stocks…

    So Trump is the perfect guy, having great experience at laundering Russian oligarchical money for years…

  • WeaselPoo

    Thnk goodness Florida has a ‘Stand Your Ground’ law. Anyone frightened by Irma can just whip out their gun and shoot it.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      This will definitely cause Irma to lose her skittles.

    • natoslug

      Great. Now Floridians don’t have to only worry about flying sharks, double-wides and the occasional Ferrari, but also heavy showers of bullets? I feel for Florida-Man.

    • Leonard McElroy

      Well played.

  • arglebargle

    At least PR isn’t really part of the USofA and only browns live there so we don’t need to help them out. I mean look, they made it through the zika virus without any help from us, amirite?

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      And it isn’t like the Puerto Rican government has been tottering on the edge of financial collapse for months…

  • chortlingdingo

    Are there any reputable donation collections for Irma-impact yet?

  • Wolf Tracker

    I would be less concerned bout FEMA and the debt ceiling if Trump was not the person that has to sign off on the ceiling increase.

    That 8 billion for Texas is a drop in the bucket and it will end costing $200 billion and Irma could be much worse from the looks of things with more hurricanes lining up now.

    For Reps to be talking about tax cuts at anytime is dishonest but to do it when we are in the middle of disasters that have destroyed American’s lives that will take years and billions to rebuild is the epitome of chutzpah.

    When Texas oil companies only pay 11% and corporations a ridiculous 1% in tax rates and the state refused to listen to the EPA and their own engineers that told them these storms would cause massive flooding without infrastructure changes and now wants to belly up to the FEMA trough to get funds from tax payers I say fuck you Texas Republicans.

    • Manders

      Can’t say I disagree. I don’t want anyone to suffer any more than they already have, but Abbott needs to un-arse some of that emergency fund Texas claims to have. And the reps need to be reminded every damn day how they voted for Sandy relief, which is that they didn’t.

  • CripesAmighty

    Well, he’s in charge: “We have many many things on our plate and we hope to solve them or maybe we won’t…” https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/4088641cc5783189b5df902551b1737802a5644d24d7f21df0f0c087feb550df.jpg
    h/t to whoever found this one–think its gonna give Brolly Bunny a run for utility.

  • YoBunnyBunny

    If Kim Jong Un is going to blow us off the face of the earth, he needs to hurry up and do it before Hurricane Season does.

  • Paul Dietzel

    Well, what about the $10B that Texas is supposed to have in their own Emergency Account? Abbot says they can’t spend it ’cause they’re saving it for a “rainy day”. I’d kinda suggest that they’ve just had a “rainy day” – or ten.

    • Bemused Australian

      He even said he wouldn’t call up the state legislature to release any of the funds. So much for Texas fending for itself.

      • sarafina

        It’s a common lie. All the western states that bitch about the feds and trumpet their “independence” are sucking heavily on the federal tit.

    • catnmus

      What the ACTUAL fuck?!?!? Is this actually true/real?

      • Bemused Australian

        Yes. They have 10bn sitting in a fund for disaster relief. It would have to be approved for use by the Texas state legislature, who don’t sit until January. Abbott has said he won’t be calling an emergency sitting to have the funds released.

        • Parakeetist

          Fuck him!

          • Bemused Australian

            Texas Republicans love to hate on the federal government until it suits them to suck up federal funds.

        • PubOption

          Too many Wonkers would joke about Abbott and an emergency sitting.

          • therblig

            he IS his own spokesman

      • Bemused Australian

        Abbott is the man who described his job as Texas AG as “I get up, I go to work, I sue the federal government, I go home.”

    • Michael Smith

      That’s probably only for when they contract out a state project to the governor’s golf buddies and it goes over budget.

    • Alan

      And they had no idea how ironic that would sound.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      No, that was technically a “floody day” or five.

    • Persistent Demme

      Maybe some trans people should try to go to the bathroom somewhere in Houston.

    • sarafina

      Abbot will release that money only after sucking every penny he can from the feds, if a vote-loaded gun is held to his head.

  • Michael Smith

    He should make a reality show in the White House, in which he takes all the people being booted under the DACA and have them try to come up with a way get FEMA the money, with the winner getting deported to somewhere relatively nice.

    • sarafina

      Like Maui?

  • Parakeetist

    A teeny bit of good news: the weather reports in the Tampa area are showing the storm taking a shank to the east. We may not get the worst of it.

    • Alan

      Yikes. Does that mean someone else gets it twice?

      • Parakeetist

        Jacksonville looks fucked. Fingers crossed for them.

        • covfefesumgame0005

          J’ville, the exposed stinky armpit of America and ex-wife territory, but I will not wish this on that area!

        • mardam422

          Looks like it’s gonna catheterize Florida. Straight up the peehole!!!1

        • Leonard McElroy

          What models are projecting a hard hit on Jacksonville? The NWS models seem to be favoring Miami-Dade as the primary impact zone from what I can see. Jacksonville is squarely in the 40-50% probability ban for TS force winds – Miami-Dade is projected for a direct hit with the northwest wall, Okeechobee, Palm Beach, St. Lucie, Martin, and Indian River counties are running about 80% probability of TS winds.

          http://www.nhc.noaa.gov/refresh/graphics_at1+shtml/145453.shtml?tswind120#contents

  • Msgr_MΩment

    After Harvey and Irma, what are the odds of more natural disasters occurring, anyway?

    Surely, Mother Nature has already shot her wad, no?

    • Bemused Australian

      Nah, she’s like a diesel engine, and is only just getting wound up.

    • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

      ‘Everyone thinks God is a man because Santa Claus is a man. But men only come once, women just keep on coming’ – paraphrased from Patti Smith.

    • Canis Greyhame

      After the next storm, we should see Hurricane Karma barreling directly down on Mar-A-Lago.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Right after Hurricane Jablowme.

      • stubbornirishlass

        I actually read that as “Hurricane Karma barfing directly down…”

        Need to get eyes checked, but I enjoyed the mental image.

    • Ladies can go FOREVER

      • TakingAmes

        And over and over…

  • ltmcdies
    • OddMan

      If you believed in karmic signs, a hurricane named for the common man strikes the heart of Texas. Now a hurricane named after a woman bears down on all of Florida, and in the works is a hurricane named after a hispanic male that might hit Washington.
      God is pissed off and apparently she works for the Weather Bureau naming tropical storms.

  • Persistent Demme

    Not to worry.
    Florida is a red state.
    I’m sure it will all work out.

    • Weird Fishes

      Pray harder, DAMMIT

  • davej1s

    Don’t forget Jose…he is following right in Irma’s footsteps.

  • eyelashviper

    As I await the arrival of this monster storm, just wonder if the yuuuge truck full of prayers and wishes will pull up to my house….???
    Anybody heard from Blarney? He is in the keys, which are gonna be slammed.

    • Rick Hill

      Read yesterday there was a total evac of the Keys ordered.

      • eyelashviper

        yep, and it takes days for that to complete.
        It is gonna be a nightmare, as many from S. Florida are trying to get out also.

        • Sophia

          Someone last night said he was getting out yesterday.

          • Canned Covfefe

            My bad. I was so sure I’d read all the way through.

          • Sophia

            Over 3600 comments its not hard to miss one.

            Edit: My bad. I thought you meant you checked the comments from last night. I wondered how you had gone through all of them already

          • Canned Covfefe

            LOL

    • Canned Covfefe

      Someone said earlier that he was evacuating.

    • (((Aron)))

      Sending you hugs and tears from Boston!!!

  • Donkey Option

    So, Ben Carson was on NPR this morning talking about how Trump cutting $6Bil from HUD is no big deal. I mean, just because HUD is going to be required to spend lot of money fixing the stuff that comes after FEMA moves out and FEMA is almost broke… he doesn’t seem very worried about it.

    • Rick Hill

      A. Doesn’t know
      B. Doesn’t understand
      C. Doesn’t care
      D. All of the above

      • Kooolest G

        E. zzzzzzzzzzzzz
        F. where is my luggage?

    • phoenix00

      He doesn’t need much money when he’s simply sleeping on the job.

    • sarafina

      Of course he’s not worried. He doesn’t live in Florida or any other state that’s going to get hit, does he?

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    Trump property might be damaged. I bet he and the Republican’t congress finds some funds for FEMA pretty quickly. After all, you can’t scam a broke government agency.

    • jenny_whyme

      I saw on the twitter that Trump has a property he’s been trying to unload on St. Martin… which won’t qualify for US Federal funds because it’s either a French or Dutch protectorate (depending on what side it’s on).

      Would taking foreign funds (should they be available) be a violation of the emoluments clause?

      • BeachBum

        Not if you bake your emoluments in a 400 oven til internal temp hits 190.

  • Rick Hill

    Totally not on the trump agenda to send so many funds to hurricane areas when he wants to look like he’s saving the country money. Also, California disaster funds? Pffft. They should know better who to vote for if they want any help from trump

  • Aileen

    There’s also tropical storm Jose following on the heels of Irma, expected to become a hurricane tonight. So, to sum up, the western part of the country is on fire and the southeast is being hit with one “storm of the century” after another. Gosh, I wonder if these things are connected!

  • Rick Hill

    Even today, there are conservatives who are crowing about how great that Houston’s lack of zoning opens up housing to the middle class. Host says, yeah it’s great and then along comes Harvey. Conservative says, well yeah, there’s that but he’s still all for being able to build wherever you want.

    • BeachBum

      I wonder how many 100 yr floods they get dur a 30 yr mortgage ?

    • Hardly Ideal

      Hey, nothing says “bootstraps” like building a new castle every time it sinks into the swamp.

      • SprinklemagicResistancebuns

        Especially after it burns down, falls over, and then sinks into the swamp.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • Suttree

      Whenever Jim passes away, I hope that bucket is used for his urn.

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        And is then utilized as a latrine bucket in a cholera ward.

      • Bricksy

        Can’t stop laughing, help me

    • SprinklemagicResistancebuns

      Aren’t the christianists supposed to get raptured before doomsday gets hot and heavy?

      • phoenix00

        Not before they max out that grifting train!

  • Mormos

    florida? psh, who cares?! its only the third largest economy in the country.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    Hurricane Katrina hit on a Monday, and I applied for FEMA assistance the next day, and by Friday FEMA had put $2000 for immediate financial needs in my bank account. I didn’t know they were going to do that, but apparently they did it for everyone who applied for assistance and who had lost their home. So if 40,000 homes are wiped out in Houston, and they give each homeowner $2000, that would total $80 million right there. Then there are the renters…they got immediate help too.

    • sarafina

      That was when we had an adult in the White House. While I hope the best for all those affected, I won’t be surprised if your experience is not repeated.

  • jenny_whyme

    .”After Harvey and Irma, what are the odds of more natural disasters occurring, anyway?”

    Well, depending on the track… Jose is brewing right behind Irma. Just saying.

    Stay safe if you’re in the path, please.

  • C4TWOMAN


    By Friday, just as the nation’s weather reporters will be standing in a hurricane and telling people to stay inside.

    Really? I thought they green-screened that shit now.

    • BrianW

      Nah, it’s one of the last pieces of journalistic machismo.

    • BeachBum

      No, the American People do not understand rain, snow, wind, floods or hurricanes unless a graduate with the ink not yet dry on their diploma is standing in it.

      • HooverVilles

        SAD!

    • SprinklemagicResistancebuns

      JIM CANTORE LIBELZZZZ!!11!

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    I hear the House has a plan to cart the water from Harvey and Irma to the Pacific NW to put out the fires. But only if we don’t raise the debt limit.

    • HooverVilles

      Wait, that’s crazy. Oh Wait, Preznit Trump, GOP controlled Senate, & dominionist GOTP controlled House. Sigh, it actually sounds like something they would propose.
      SIGH!

    • SprinklemagicResistancebuns

      I’ve often thought that what we need in this country are not oil pipelines, but water pipelines. Particularly when my friends in CA were dealing with record droughts.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        Uh, yeh, maybe not. The US already stole the Colorado Delta from Mexico, and those of us here in the Great Lakes Basin say, NOPE, sorry California and Arizona, you do not get our water to fill your swimming pools and water your golf courses.

  • BeachBum

    Rant of the Day : I understand we are halfway thru the 1st hurricane season with this prez, and we have had 100 yr, 200 yr, 500 yr, and 1,000 yr floods in the books. I guess these are all theoretical math thingies cause I’m pretty sure the Native Americans did not sit around waiting to measure flood stages, but prolly said ” We get fuck out’a Dodge” or something. So the TX gov says they need $120 billion. So Congress will maybe pass $8 billion for aid. Not counting Irma, of course. So I’m not saying we will only be in 500 yr doo doo (what ever level THAT is) cause at least we will get our tax cuts. We WILL get our tax cuts, wont we ? Right ? Hello, is this thing on ?

    • They measure it from rocks and soil horizons.
      Geology is cool like that

  • BrianW

    So, let me see if I’ve got this right. Irma is about to smack Florida, Jose is coming right behind it, and there’s a storm named Katia (a Russian name) out there too? That is some God-level trolling of Trump, and I don’t care if it’s from a supreme being or just the National Weather Service.

    • SprinklemagicResistancebuns

      It may be a traditionally Russian name (although I think that’s spelled Katya?), but I have a Messican friend named Katia.

      • BrianW

        Works either way.

      • BrianW

        I replied to you, but guess that Disqus ate it. The response was, “works either way.”

  • Hardly Ideal

    I wonder how many of these we’ll be able to check off this season: https://xkcd.com/453/

  • Panika MCD

    and people who expect FEMA to reimburse them for staying in hotels are supposed to do what?

    • ichthyic

      something something… bootstraps.. something something?

  • gratuitous

    And, while they’re not hurricanes, the wildfires out west certainly are kind of an emergency for those of us living in the midst of them.

    • Shawn Renee Ernoehazy

      It is that time of year I wish there was a way to siphon all the flood waters to put out the fires. If only it were possible to build such a pipeline for water…it’s clearly only possible for oil.

  • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

    If only we had a system where, rather than scattershot, random “donations” that people have to plead for, ALL of us “donated” every year, differing amounts, perhaps, according to our income levels, to some kind of central organization. This organization, or “government,” would then disperse the money for the good of the whole community, making sure we had roads and bridges and safe food and water and medicines, and people to represent our interests here and abroad, and emergency workers and firefighters and scientific researchers who could warn us about disasters so we could prepare. This “government” could also use some of these “donations” to pay for help to cope with national disasters that we all suffer from. What would that be like, I wonder.

    • Kooolest G

      it would be like SOCIALMALIZMS!!!!!!!11!1!!!1

    • phoenix00

      OH I KNOW I KNOW does it start with ‘t’ and end with ‘axes’?

      • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

        HOW DID YOU GUESS

  • Moar Wordz

    Scary.

  • 1PeterG1

    Not to worry. Trump is going to build a wall. And the hurricanes are going to pay for it.

  • “We’re not even at peak hurricane season,”

  • SprinklemagicResistancebuns
  • Jeff Mc Donald

    I suppose it’s out of the question to revisit that idea of asking the rich to pay their taxes? I mean, I know it would shatter their fragile feelings and be a horrible burden, but maybe if we were to appeal to their patriotism, their sense of morality, their regard for fellow citizen who are suffering…no, you’re right. It wouldn’t be fair.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    Right now, a calm professional with an intimate knowledge of the inner workings of government on all levels sounds like the sort of thing the country needs.

  • SeeTrain65

    That’s OK. FEMA can just move in with its parents.

  • Teto85

    And right behind Irma is José

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