SHARE

Morning Wonketariat! Here’s some of the things we may be talking about today.

The House Intel Committee sent subpoenas to FBI Director Christopher Wray and AG Jeff Sessions in hopes of getting info Trey Gowdy hopes will flush all the hooker pee from THE DOSSIER.

Trump is having second thoughts about sending all 800,000 of those poor Messicans kids back home with their free ‘Murican ed-u-kayshunz, so he’s issuing a six-month IOU if Congress doesn’t get around to it.

Right now Congress doesn’t have a clue on how to help all the Not American Dreamers, and they’re already kicking the can down the road.

SURPRISE! Conservative crazies refusing to vote for any legislation that raises the debt ceiling, even if it’s tied to aid for hurricane victims. Drowning in debt is apparently worse than actually drowning.

Maryland Rep. Elijah Cummings doesn’t think people want Republicans to shut down the government over Trump’s Tortilla Curtain, but damn it, they just might try!

John Kelly killed Sheriff David Clarke’s career in politics TWICE fearing that all those jail deaths Clarke kept trying to sweep under the rug would just make a bloody mess.

A federal appeals court has ruled that a Texas voter-ID law is totally cool because it only makes you obtain a “qualifying photo ID” to vote. It’s not voter suppression, it’s simply culling voter rolls.

The Charlottesville city council has “You’re Fired” another Confederate statue of “Stonewall” Jackson. Good riddance.

A trigger happy cop shot a small town newspaper photographer after mistaking his tripod for a gun, but don’t worry, the officer is super sorry for firing without warning.

Putin is divorcing Donald Trump, saying that he is not his “bride,” and calling people in certain Washington circles “boorish,” “naive,” and too stupid to know the difference between Austria and Australia.

A Russian-backed hacking group has been trying to break into U.S. power grids after successfully screwing with power systems in Ukraine. Clearly somebody never learned not to pee on electric fences.

Some silly hippies are making the fabulous lifestyle of Steve Bannon’s money honey, Robert Mercer, hard by blocking his yacht with giant inflatable chickens. So much for those caviar kisses and champagne dreams.

Rush Limbaugh thinks all these hurricanes are a fake news conspiracy being pushed by big retail, local news, and Al Gore to scare you buying bottled water, canned goods, and batteries. He’s super cereal about that.

Let’s all take a moment to point and laugh at PULITZER PRIZE WINNER Eric Lichtblau, and how he severely screwed the pooch investigating The Mooch and Trump-Russia for CNN. HAHAHAHAHA!

Peggy Whitson is now the longest serving space lady, and she just shattered a bunch of other NASA records too! Woo, SCIENCE!

And here’s your late night wrap-up! Stephen Colbert doesn’t think Trump should pick fights with South Korea right now; Jimmy Kimmel pointed out that Trump’s kids are, essentially, DREAMersSeth Meyers took A Closer Look at Trump’s genuine selfishness and stupidity in Houston;The Daily Show wondering if we’re stumbling into nuclear war with the DPRK; and James Corden thinks Trump is giving DREAMers nightmares.;

And here’s your morning Nice Time! A baby Southern Hairy-nosed Wombat!

We’re supported by readers like you, we’d rather ask you for money than sell you penis pills, like Alex Jones.

$
Donate with CCDonate with CC
Previous articleCat Check: Here Are Two Pussies Donald Trump Definitely Didn’t Grab
Next articleEnd DACA? Well, Trump Didn’t Know You Were Going To Be MAD About It!