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You can tell from some of the ketzels

The above photo, which has been going around the interwebs with the claim that Donald Trump helped rescue kittycats from flooding in Houston, is Photoshopped. Not only did Snopes.com locate the original photo, taken during Iowa flooding in 2008, but anyone with a lick of sense knows Donald Trump was baffled by the task of putting relief supplies in a pick-em-up truck, and would certainly never get his pants damp to help another living being unless perhaps there were a hell of a lot of money in it.

No, dear, the supplies go in the back. Bless his heart, he tried.

Snopes explains the original pussy shot was from 2008, and was rerun in a 2009 Des Moines Register “Where are they now?” piece on the prior year’s flooding:

Brandon Smith wading through water in Cedar Rapids with his cats clutched to his chest embodied the ultimate test of mettle that the historic disaster foisted upon Iowa. Yet the cats with clinging paws reflected perhaps the entirety of 2008 a year in which we often felt as if we needed to hold on as tight as we could. The good news is, like Smith and his cats, we endured and in some cases thrived. Smith, fiancee Sarah Neumann and their beloved pets are dry and living in a farmhouse near De Witt. The couple, who already have a toddler, two dogs and a third cat, are adding to their brood, expecting their second child.

The cats’ names are “Fry” and “Bender.” Obviously, Mr. Smith was a big fan of Star Trek. The original photo later ended up getting motivational-poster’d on Twitter, which makes it fair use enough for us:

Snopes notes that this is far from the only fake photo of Trump helping with rescues in Houston; he also did not save a guy while riding in an Austin Fire Dept. raft, either. The fact-checking site carefully pointed out that it is not customary for presidents to rescue anyone personally outside of action movies.

White House sources familiar with the issue denied to Yr Wonkette that President Trump had displayed any empathy in Houston, and emphatically stated that he had no plans to have empathy for anyone in the future.

Now get to Open Threading, you delightful knuckleheads. Who’s a silly pussens? Is it you? Is it YOU?

Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations. Please click the “Donate” linky, and we’ll keep the dogs inside until the smoke is better.

[Snopes / Business 2 Community]

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  • WotsAllThisThen

    I think it’s nice of Trump to hand out red hats to drowning victims.

    • Treehopper1104

      Don’t you mean sell at grossly inflated prices?

    • OutOfOrbit

      mebbee that dood was trying to get rid if that hat, give it to the OPOS

      • Amy!

        “Gimme that! You can’t drown wearing that! Give it to me right now!

  • whitroth

    Trumpolini, *helping* people? I mean, where’s the profit in that? Besides, he doesn’t want to get too close to That Kind of People. First, the Secret Service wouldn’t let him, and he’d be afraid they’d pick his pocket, or maybe even grab *him* just to see how big (small) he really is…..

  • Joe Beese

    Trump does not have a flat stomach.

    • GoutMachine

      OTOH, his massive ass would probably help him float well.

      • Daniel

        He swims like an elephant seal.

        That’s also how he has sex.

        • Résistance Land Shark Ω

          “La! La! La! La! La! La! La! La! La! La!”

          T.M.I.

      • WIDTAP

        Yes, but face down.

        • OutOfOrbit

          i missed by this much

      • OutOfOrbit

        ah ha ha: face down! : )

    • Internet Hitler

      However, he does sometimes wet his pants. Hero!

      • arensb

        That’s not true! Putin’s tape was doctored!

  • AJ Milne

    … also, too, only way the Duhnald coulda suddenly lost that much mass so quickly to look like the bits of biped below the neck in that picture woulda had to involve his budding in twain or somethin’.

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      Can’t see the picture because of kittens filter and I am glad to take your word for it.

  • Daniel

    Trump looks very different in a wet t shirt in real life.

    • Bananas Foster

      Thank you for the free birth control.

  • WIDTAP

    “The fact-checking site carefully pointed out that it is not customary for presidents to rescue anyone personally outside of action movies.”

    What? Hollywood lied to me? Fuck you, Harrison Ford.

  • DainBramage

    Anyone who believes either of those photos are real has the intellectual capacity of a squashed mosquito.

    • GoutMachine

      So, Trump voters.

    • Internet Hitler

      Used the empathy filter.

  • Joe Beese
    • DainBramage

      It’s apocalypse time, coast to coast.

      • OutOfOrbit

        Fire, Water, Ice in 3 … 2 …

        • Beanz&Berryz

          There is a massive ice avalanche warning for Mt. Adams, where a big ice shelf is threatening to collapse… but that’s all pretty deep in a wilderness area…

          • OutOfOrbit

            yeah, that, but i was thinkin about mebbee a really nasty winter

          • Beanz&Berryz

            Ah, my mistake.. I was thinking you meant this week…

    • Mr. Blobfish

      The National Hurricane Center about to be destroyed by hurricane. How ironic.

      • GoutMachine

        I always wondered why it wasn’t in, like, Colorado.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        And I expected it to be destroyed by a Trump appointee.

    • WeaselPoo

      Leeward Islands, Virgin Islands and Puerto Rico get hit on Wed. A.M. Haiti in path too. I fear they are all seriously fucked.

      • Joe Beese

        Haiti is the Land of Never Catching A Break.

    • ManchuCandidate

      Mar a Lago is in West Palm Beach. Not saying. Just saying.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      I love the way no one’s reporting on Puerto Rico, directly in the path and also part of US America.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    I’m a silly pussens.

  • Internet Hitler

    Pretty good photoshop of Trump’s head on a human body. I think that one cat is flashing a white power symbol.

    • DainBramage

      I think you meant orange power symbol.

      • Shanzgood

        GINGER POWER

  • ariel_gee_398

    Not content with Ted Cruz’s display of lawyering skills in that Sally Yates hearing, Harvard decides to further piss on its own reputation.
    http://www.thecrimson.com/article/2017/9/6/lewandowski-IOP/

    • GoutMachine

      I love one of the comments on the Crimson’s article: “So much for veritas.”

  • GoutMachine

    Good Christ. If you mistake a camera and a tripod for a gun, you are A Idiot.

    A newspaper photographer from Ohio was shot Monday night by a sheriff’s deputy who apparently mistook his camera and tripod for a gun, and fired without a warning, the newspaper reported.

    Andy Grimm, a photographer for the New Carlisle News, left the office at about 10 p.m. to take pictures of lightning when he came across a traffic stop and decided to take photos, according to Dale Grimm, the photographer’s father and the paper’s publisher.

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-nation/wp/2017/09/05/officer-shoots-ohio-newspaper-photographer-after-confusing-his-tripod-and-camera-for-a-gun/

    • clairence

      where was the good guy with a gun?

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Worse … the cop knew the photographer. Maybe it wasn’t an accident.

  • ManchuCandidate

    Fake news, eh Don?

  • Mr. Blobfish

    You can tell the bottom picture is fraudulent cuz trump is wearing his suit, not the Disaster Don Official Action Figure Windbreaker and Cap, as seen on TV.

    • mancityRed6

      (sold separately)

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      “Disaster Don”! Stealing for the inevitable pictures from Florida next week.

  • mancityRed6

    wait, people actually thought that was tRump? in jeans, and a tshirt? you can see the muscles in the forearms and there isn’t a tremendous bulge in the belly so how could anyone outside of the legally blind think that was tRump?

  • Ms.MLG on Maui

    This would not fool anyone familiar with felines. Any cat Trump attempted to carry would immediately recognize it was being held by something hideously unnatural, and attack the living shit out of him.

    • mancityRed6

      *looks at Karl*
      maybe, just maybe.
      he is about 15 lbs of orange bastard cat.

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        Give Karl his due. Cats are smarter than Trump voters, that’s just a fact.

    • Perkniticky

      All animals naturally hate Trump – why do you think he doesn’t have any pets?

      • JMP

        Babies do as well, you can tell he never had anything to do with his children when they were small and has no idea how to hold them.

        • Perkniticky

          Yes, they recoil from him instinctually. In fact, anyone with good instincts reviles him.

      • Catstro

        I assumed it was a mutual hatred. He seems like he has open disdain for/doesn’t understand the concept of pets.

    • theCryptofishist

      They are afraid in they bite they’ll be poisoned.

    • doktorzoom

      It would go after the rodent on his head.

      • Martini Ambassador 🍸
        • Jamoche

          That doesn’t stop cats. Trust me.

        • MrTusks

          If strapping folks such as Clinton and Obama look like pounded shit after the presidency, how will Trump look? Granted he might get two years max but it could be enough.

  • arensb

    As much as I like bashing Trump (I not only subscribe to the daily Two Minutes Trump Hate, but I bought the album of remixes), I can’t really bring myself to criticize him for looking like an ineffectual dumbass at a photo-op.
    No one expects the president to do any actual good by loading supplies onto a boat or truck. Photo-ops are as phony and staged as that delicious-looking McBurger. It’s just that the things presidents are supposed to be good at, like management, don’t translate into inspiring images.
    We now return you to your regularly-scheduled throwing shit at Trump for failing at management and being an all-round garbage human.

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      I dunno. Passing the supplies to the driver rather than putting it in the back of the truck is kinda insane.

      • MrTusks

        If the point is to pretend, at least pretend to do the correct thing.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Seriously. Photo ops should be just photos with the workers or personprops, and not these stupid staged events. No one is buying Ryan washing dishes, or Drumpf loading trucks. The one with him and Melon and the kids actually looks comfortable and reasonably sincere. Press agents is stupid.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    “We must build an impregnant Atlantic Wall to protect from Hurricanes. No more Harvys!!” #DeletedTrumpTweets

  • Lyly Sirivong

    Seriously. The body is all wrong. It would be like me pasting my head on Beyoncé’s body.

    • JMP

      The man someone photoshopped Donald’s head on was fairly thin and fit; considering how super fat Donald is, how could they think that would fool anyone?

      • P’jama Pahnts

        I was going to non-comment this then I thought, for the first time ever, “Ya know, I wonder if someone already pointed this out” and read down.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    I wonder if Melon has a stylish Disaster Cap for all 50 states? She’s gonna need them. http://www.wnd.com/files/2017/09/trump_houston_relief_center.jpg

    • theCryptofishist

      California LIebullzZ!!!11

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      I, personnally, like Melon’s hats. I do the “what would my reaction be if Michelle was wearing them” and it would be “cute”

      full disclosure: and I haaaaattteeee melon.

      • clairence

        I would think so too. And while I do find them stylish, I hate them because I have no doubt they’re working to profit from the wearing of them.

      • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

        Not the FLOTUS hat. I think that was really tacky, as in, don’t forget for a minute, you damp rubes, who I am.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Fuck that phony noise. This is a real man with a real heart.

      https://gdb.voanews.com/3FDF451D-A95C-47C8-9559-507DDA286265_cx0_cy4_cw0_w1080_h608.jpg

    • BadKitty904

      I just assumed it was to remind her where she was.

      • SomeBigRedDog

        She can’t see it. Its to remind him.

        • BadKitty904

          Point taken.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        Or who she is… FLOTUS.

    • SomeBigRedDog

      I really want one of those kids to ask to touch his hair.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Bless her heart, but it’s just plain painful to see Botox stretch that far.

  • JMP

    Sorry Trumpers, your cult leader has never ever done anything to help anyone ever, and never will; these photoshops are really fucking obvious when they show the evil man doing something that everyone knows he is temperamentally incapable of doing.

    • theCryptofishist

      I love that he’s in the boat one wearing a suit and tie…

    • OutOfOrbit

      also physically incapable

  • theCryptofishist

    Okay, I passed a Starfuckers today, and apparently Pumpkin Spice season starts Friday. Which means we have to be in full on War On Pumpkin Spice this weekend. Sharpen your weapons, including your teeth, and go out there with gusto, and save the country from the 6th Spice Girl.

    • jesterpunk

      When does the war on Christmas start this year?

      • clairence

        July

        • jesterpunk

          Damn I missed it, I wanted to send out war on christmas cards to everyone.

      • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

        The war on Christians has already begun. DACA beneficiaries are probably mostly Catholics.

        • Three Finger Salute

          “Communists like Pope Francis”

          Trump hates the Pope.

      • mancityRed6

        war never ends.

      • Three Finger Salute

        We’ve always been at war with Santasia.

    • Ωbjectifier

      Merely the opening salvos in Yule Wars.

      • theCryptofishist

        ‘Tis the season…

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      Dairy Queen has Pumpkin Spice “ice cream”.

    • DainBramage

      I was just at the grocery store and they have Halloween Candy displays out.

      • mancityRed6

        just as soon as the “back to school” sections come down around here.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        Halloween and Christmas sometimes coexist. When the gardening centers come down, the Christmas stuff goes there here in the Southern states.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      Superion must be busy.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Barf.

    • mancityRed6

      I just cannot wrap my head around pumpkins. or pumpkin food, let alone pumpkin drinks.
      just, no.

      • Amy!

        I thought it was that for the longest time!

        No, it’s whatever the drink is, with standard spices used for pumpkin pie added (cinnamon, allspice, nutmeg, clove, like that).

        • mancityRed6

          I take my coffee black, hot chocolate with chile powder, and sometimes cheap whiskey in my cheap beer.

    • Jenny

      Hey hey hey! Pumpkin spice was my favorite spice blend before it was cool!

      • FlownΩver

        It was never cool. Ubiquitous ≠ cool.

    • GoutMachine

      Oh, goody! That means the War On Christmas With Red Cups is not too far down the road!

    • Cock Blockula

      Maple is the new pumpkin spice, so I’ve read.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Oh no. Now Fucker Carlson’s going to start up the Blame Canada meme again.

    • Msgr_MΩment
  • sarahjane1912

    Love the original pic, but let’s face it: most cats — especially ginger ones — would be like this: https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2b1238c596a0703d557693e16488ae45bd279beeaea5624038afa726accd5783.png

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      This fits the personality of my orange ruffian to a “T.” The vets always said “red hair, beware.”

      • Three Finger Salute

        “Orange”

        “Ruffian”

        “T”

        ISWYDT.

    • BadKitty904

      Kitty don’t play.

    • CeeQ

      All you can hear are the words “mother” and “fuck” muttered in various combinations. Bad ass kitteh is bad ass.

    • Jamoche

      It’s obvious the original had to be the cats’ owner – anyone else would get shredded.

  • clairence

    Duh the guy in the cat picture is IN the water, where Trump wouldn’t go unless it benefitted him. Also, the guy has strong young arms.

    The raft picture is hilarious – “here, have a MAGA hat!”

  • Bananas Foster

    Cats are smart discerning critters.

    They’d rather drown that cuddle up with Trump.

  • Ωbjectifier

    Trump is not allowed near the pets. That’s why he was packed off to military school, for abusing the pets. At least that is what I read on the internet.

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      I heard that it was for punching a teacher (again). But we may never know the truth.

      • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

        I thought it was because he was getting help on his 9th grade algebra test from the Russians.

        • Suse

          If two pee hookers leave the Moscow train station at 5:15, traveling at the speed of light, how much will Drumpf weigh by the time they get to the hotel to pee on him?

      • BadKitty904

        FAKE NEWZ!!1! His hands aren’t big enough!

      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        I figured it was for peeing on the nanny. You’ve probably read about that on the Internet, right now.

        • Amy!

          Rule 34 as applied to orange-hued ferret-tops?

    • Fun with Cthulhu

      I heard that he helped Glenn Beck murder a girl in the 70’s.

      • MrTusks

        I heard he was in that boat with Natalie Wood and Christopher Walken.

  • Suse

    Trump’s xenophobic gambit is having direct consequences for him. Javier Palomarez, the president and CEO of the United States Hispanic Chamber of Commerce, has resigned from Trump’s National Diversity Council over his DACA betrayal.

    Palomarez made the announcement live on the HLN network, stating, “I officially resign from that council, effective immediately. There is no letter. This is it. This is the resignation.”

    He stated that he tried to work with the administration in good faith, but that he sees no logic behind Trump’s decision, adding that the revocation of DACA did not need to happen. He added that he “no longer sees the point” in working with people like Trump and his cronies. His decision to announce the resignation on television, rather than submit a letter, underscores the level of respect he feels for Trump and his administration. – Stolen from occupydemocrats

  • Three Finger Salute
  • BadKitty904
  • Mr. Blobfish
    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Tie shopping.

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    Are you seriously explaining this is a bad photoshop?

    Thinks of intellligent reaction…

    result: Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit

    Yes I know you being snarky and all but

    Shiiiiiiit

    • BadKitty904

      IKR? The guy in the photo has muscular forearms and normal-sized human hands.

      • elviouslyqueer

        And, y’know, a physique that doesn’t resemble Humpty Dumpty.

        • Rick Hill

          Humpty’s in better shape

      • Rick Hill

        And no gut

    • doktorzoom

      No, I’m seriously taking the opportunity to make a bunch of cat jokes.

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        Bless you dok and the whole crew.

      • BadKitty904

        And don’t call him Shirley.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Oh, and Fry and Bender were never on Star Trek.
        Galactica.

        • redarmyzombie

          I thought they were Doctor Who companions?

          • Historicat

            I would like to see that crossover.

        • doktorzoom

          So say we also, too!

  • WIDTAP
  • spangled

    this is a completely terrible photoshop job, god I hope people aren’t actually fooled by this. only in ben garrison’s wettest dreams does trump’s body look like that.

    y’all think we could convince the diehard trump people that he’s turning into a dog? https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/9bc4f88dfc2f443c1e00539a86ff043af037a7e99fb840977372c5fac21a1036.png

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Sarah did at least get her bra inside her shirt today…

      • Suse

        Eeewww! Do not want to think of her, her bra, or her boobs. Yuck!

    • theCryptofishist

      Well worth a try.

    • SomeBigRedDog

      DOG LIBELZ!?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Who’s a bad boy? Who’s a very bad boy?
      You are.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    LOL, Dumbass wishes he had the physique of that handsome kitty-rescuer. No need inspect the pixels, no giant belly rolls = no Trump.

    • Suse

      Malaria wishes so, too.

      • JMP

        I’m sure her young lovers have much better physiques though.

  • Rick Hill

    He had to wash that icky taste of empathy out of his mouth by having Sessions announce DACA was history

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Hey. Wuzzup?

  • mrFawkes

    I want to box Scott Baio. In a ring. With 12 ounce gloves and a referee. I want to box Scott Baio three minutes a round for eight rounds. For charity. Winner-take-all. He can donate it to trumps’ re-election or the Hitler Youth Mens Choir. I’ll donate to Planned Parenthood. I want to box Scott Baio with the sweet science for he disregards all science. We are close in age and weight classification. I want to box Scott Baio with uppercuts, jabs, body blows and roundhouses. I’ve sent him emails proposing this fight for charity. He has not responded.
    I really want to box Scott Baio.

    • I can do a pretty decent Burgess Meredith impresssion and have been mistaken for Jack Dempsey’s former sparring partner. If you get a shot at Baio, I’ll throw my name in as your corner man.

    • GoutMachine

      Me? I’d fight Lincoln. Big guy, big reach. Skinny guys fight ’til they’re burger.

      • MrTusks

        I’d fight Gandhi.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      I want the Blobfish vs. Hannity undercard.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        All this time I thought it was Hootie.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Care for a word of encouragement from a fellow prize fighter?

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c393c37455a229c17dd78029c8ebb56df0f441cd8aa27490798da654c9ae1033.jpg

      “Sit on it, Chachi!”

    • spangled

      get in line pal, we all wanna box scott baio

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Can I stuff some horseshoes in your gloves?
      For luck.

    • Raan

      I want to box Uwe Boll.

      • redarmyzombie

        That can be arranged, apparently…

    • Ωbjectifier

      How you gonna keep him on his feet for 8 rounds?

      • mrFawkes

        I’ll spritz myself with Pamela Anderson’s perfume.

  • Jenny

    This is your President. I’m here to help you. – Johnson

    Have a great time. This is good exercise – Trump.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Cheetolini’s gonna need about four bottles of ibuprofen and a Percoset chaser to recover from all that heavy lifting.

    • Suse

      And a gallon of antibiotics for cat scratch fever.

      • GoutMachine

        Ted Nugent libelz! I’ll allow it.

      • elviouslyqueer

        I assumed that was for being in the presence of the great unwashed masses.

  • Edith Prickly

    No self-respecting cat would allow Fanta Hitler to touch it.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Except its claws with his eyeballs.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    No, dear, the supplies go in the back. Bless his heart, he tried.

    Generally a good idea to give them boxes with stuff in them as well.

    • elviouslyqueer

      I was thinking that too. The only thing that probably weighed anything was the case of water. Although I’m wondering if it was a prop case.

  • SterWonk

    “… it is not customary for presidents to rescue anyone personally outside of action movies.”

    Or to do so in a suit… <rolleyes>

  • Oblios_Cap

    Wowsers. I’m glad you set the record straight. I totally believed Trump would do those things.

  • Indiepalin

    President Harrison Ford would have gone after those missing gators and captured them himself.

  • Mr. Blobfish
  • Chyron HR

    Gee, and here I thought Trump had stopped being morbidly obese overnight.

    NO MORBIDLY. NO MORBIDLY. YOU’RE MORBIDLY.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Do they have a permit?

    • Courser_Resistance

      Students walked out of classes all over the place here at about 9:30 this morning

  • GreenGoldSharpie

    Well, never ask Trump to help you move your couch.

    Jesus.

    • Suse

      Might reactivate those bone spurs.

      • GreenGoldSharpie

        You know the fucker would show up, drink the reward beer, and move, like, a lamp or something.

        Everyone hates that guy.

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          He’d probably fuck up the lamp, too.

          • Courser_Resistance

            The last time my dad helped me move he put the box with ice skates in the freezer and left my family pack of pork chops in a box next to the fridge. Which I didn’t find until it was way too late.

            No he doesn’t have dementia, he just never pays attention to what he’s doing. He’s always been like that. I suspect Asbergers.

          • UncleTravelingMatt

            My friend dealt with his brother-in-law — the classic show up, do nothing, drink the beer kind of guy — by labeling one box full of books as “Pillows” and another as “Towels.” Asshole made a beeline right for them, and he was sorry he did.

    • 3FingerPete

      He’ll show up for the post-move pizza, though.

  • Bananas Foster

    “It’s good exercise.”

    Those filthy 99 percenters used up at least a day of Trump’s battery power!

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    America’s Best Christian does it again!

    https://twitter.com/BettyBowers/status/905158594328498176

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Without their family name, they’d be assistant managers at a JC Penney’s in Nebraska.

      • Suttree

        With their name they shouldn’t have risen that high. Floor sweeper is about all that they are qualified for.

      • Suse

        That’s kind of more than Eric would be capable of. WalMart greeter, perhaps.

        • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

          Hot dog restaurant bun steamer.

          • yyyaz

            Before it burned down because the steamer ran dry.

          • Daniel

            He’s got a problem with his valve.

          • Opalescent Riddles

            Gas station hot dog roller-warmer operator.

          • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

            You win.

          • Opalescent Riddles

            No, no, simply riffing on the bun-steamer theme. On the shoulders of giants and all that.

        • Jamoche

          Perpetually applying for fast-food manager jobs when he doesn’t even qualify to be a sweeper.

    • DainBramage

      Children of the KKKorn.

    • BadKitty904

      All three are children of an immigrant. DEPORT THEM!!1!

    • Suse

      Bleccchhh!

    • SomeBigRedDog

      One would think with all his money Eric could afford to get his face fixed.

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        He inherited that little anus mouth of his dad’s.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        Where would one start? The weak chin? The mouth? A brain transplant?

      • Resistance Fighter Astraea

        I thought that was the fixed version.

      • BadKitty904

        Or replaced.

      • C4TWOMAN

        It would help loads if he stopped imitating daddy’s constipated look.

    • C4TWOMAN

      AIGH!!! ATTACK OF THE CLONES!!111!

    • WIDTAP

      Guess which ones get the free Presidential Pardons.

  • Flaco and Fiona at 3 months old can lift the spirits of 10,000 people while Trump as president can barely lift a finger to help those in need.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/1898320491f409d973491bbd6ea733db6895f2bd6754edc98f5cf5c283bbed5b.jpg

    • Suse

      Sweet kibbers!

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Some R on MSNBC yakking about “it’s long overdue to do something for the Dreamers”. WOW! A Republican endorsing Obama’s decision to go with DACA when action by Congress was “long overdue” back in 2012.

  • Oblios_Cap

    That guy’s in way too good a shape to be Trump.

    • Anna Rompage

      Not to mention his waist size is a good 10 sizes small that Donad’s…

  • SomeBigRedDog

    As you all know, I’m not generally a cat fan. But even I would not wish a cat such a fate as to be carried around by that orange idiot.

    • BadKitty904
      • SomeBigRedDog

        That looks . . . painful.

        • BadKitty904

          Therapeutic massage!

          • WIDTAP

            With claws!

          • BadKitty904

            Well, maybe just the tips.

          • Msgr_MΩment

            DON’T GO WITH THE ‘HAPPY ENDING’, MR. GOGGIE!

          • BadKitty904

            Ew.

    • Courser_Resistance

      Those cats are NOT happy. Carrying them looks painful. Idiot boy wouldn’t touch the poor critters.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      If I were a ginger cat, I’d worry that I could end up on his head.

      • BackDoorMan

        … or your collection of hairballs at the very least.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    I have a love for these people, and hopefully now Congress will be able to help them and do it properly. Really we have no choice. We have to be able to do something, and I think it’s going to work out very well. And longterm it’s going to be the right solution.

    Guess who said this today?

    • Daniel

      We’ll see, we’ll see. In a period of time, believe me.

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      Bizarro DJT?

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      The Consumer Product Safety Commission, about people who bought Ivanka scarves.

    • BadKitty904

      Someone unacquainted with the English language?

    • Rick Hill

      “I had to save them by sending them to countries where they’ve never lived. And by them, I mean my poll numbers.”

    • C4TWOMAN

      The Alien Toupee occupying the White House?

    • Suse

      Brisket Palin?

      • redarmyzombie

        No, no, you’re thinking of Gasket!

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      “I’ve thrown their fate in the air. I’m sure it’ll all work out just fine for them. After all, Republicans have a great track record for doing the right thing”.

      • bupkus231

        “and, face it – if Congress can’t agree to do the right thing, I’ve passed the buck to them and claim my hands are clean….{“

    • redarmyzombie

      Sun Yat-sen?

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Hey Dok, can we start the Wonkette Book Club again?

    https://twitter.com/JoshuaMatz8/status/905108944414285828

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      Nu-huh. I preordered Hillary’s book. And I want to also too get Franken’s.

      • Resistance Fighter Callyson

        I am waiting VERY impatiently for Hillz’ book. Come on, September 12!

        • Three Finger Salute

          There’s also a telethon for Harvey on September 12. I tend to find Beyonce a bit overrated and grandstanding, but apparently she has a charity in Texas that does some pretty good things. She’s the headlining performer that night.

          And I’m sure there’ll be a bunch of Brainfarters who accuse Hillary and all the other celebrities of being part of an Illuminati Soros conspiracy, because her book is released the same day as that telethon — a day after September 11. So glad they can count.

    • bupkus231

      Some of the shit Laurence Tribe has had published lately woild make very reluctant to waste munnies on this – it would likely end up in the trash pretty quickly.

      IOW – Fuck Laurence Tribe. He’s a fucking RWNJ, as much as any of the uneducated fuckheads we make fun of….

  • mancityRed6

    so, in a dream last night…the first ex and I were at some kind of hotel in an Eastern European/ex Soviet Bloc country. no idea which one, but I woke up thinking “Albania” for some reason. it was in a high rise and the heights I saw from the floor to ceiling windows actually made me a little nervous. she settled in to watch the tv while I explored the room. I thought I found the bathroom and I found it lacking. but then, I found some futuristic kind of shower with nozzles and multiple sprays and a real bathroom. and you could see the roof lines on the buildings across the street, they were…strange…with advertising on them even with the height we were supposed to be at.
    and then I woke up about 10 minutes before the alarm.

    • Suse

      I dream about weirdly configured showers a lot. Hmmm.

      • mancityRed6

        the shower thing was a first for me. but the “whomever I’m with is more interested in the tv” isn’t. weird.
        also, there was a rope or a sash or something that you could use to turn the shower on from a short distance away. for whatever reasons.

        • That makes sense. Turn it on without getting a cold water blast on your arm.

          Better: wifi-based control.

          • mancityRed6

            oh dear lord, no. what happens when it gets hacked?
            and the camera you didn’t know about?

    • BosGrl

      Albania
      Albania
      You border on
      the Adriatic

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    Anyways, thoughts and prayers for the people of St Maarten, St Eustasius and Saba. Not to worry we have marines on the ground and naval ships for the coasts to help them but some thoughts would be nice.

    Irma now hitting.

    • BadKitty904

      As of 5PM, per the NHC:

      Maximum sustained winds are near 185 mph (295 km/h) with higher gusts. Irma is an extremely dangerous category 5 hurricane on the Saffir-Simpson
      Hurricane Wind Scale. Some fluctuations in intensity are likely during the next day or two, but Irma is forecast to remain a powerful category 4 or 5 hurricane during the next couple of days.

      • Mr. Blobfish

        You’d have trouble standing up with sustained winds half that.

        • BadKitty904

          Buildings have trouble standing up with sustained winds like that. And when you add debris…

          • Rebel Scum with permit

            That’s wood splinter through a tree trunk type winds. My fiancé lived through Hurricane Cammile as a young kid, and mentioned seeing a palm tree flying through the air. Not palm fronds. A palm tree.

          • BadKitty904

            Following the Labor Day Hurricane of ’35, bodies were found with the skin sand-blasted off one side…

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      You mean that your country actually believes in helping beforecthe storm gets there?

    • BosGrl

      I hope everyone in the path of Irma makes it through OK.

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        Dutchmen don’t fear water, Water fears dutchmen. :)

  • Oblios_Cap
    • Thiazin Red

      I know its a joke, but its also pretty plausible.

  • CeeQ

    Fake news! Obviously this is POTUS. You can tell by his buff physique whilst rescuing the kittehs. We all know he’s the healthiest president in the history of presidents.

    • Persistent Demme

      And he has big, manly hands!

      • BosGrl

        And large tracts of land – oh wait

      • CeeQ

        Hahahahahaha

  • sarahjane1912

    Just quietly, the only thing real about this pic is the dude — a regulation eight feet behind Drumpfshopped guy — hauling the massive load of stuff. It’s certainly where the Orange bloke would want him …

  • Raan

    So, Florida Wonketeriat, do you have your evacuation plan ready in case Irma decides to visit your area?

    • BadKitty904
    • eyelashviper

      Things look worse here with every NHC report. The models have all pretty much zeroed in on Florida, and even if it is offshore, we all will be nailed, and badly. If it runs across South Florida, there will be little left, and most of the energy grid in the state will be down, some even demolished.
      After Andrew, giant concrete power poles were blown down, the huge tv tower, supposedly hurricane proof, was flattened, some parts never found., Entire giant trees were uprooted and flew away, along with houses. This is as bad, just a lot bigger.

      • Joe Beese

        I communicate with my sister in St. Petersburg as infrequently as anything short of permanent estrangement permits. But I sent her an email an hour ago saying that I hope she gets her family the fuck out of there.

        • Three Finger Salute

          No wonder Putin is mad.

          Trump’s going to let St. Petersburg be destroyed.

          • Msgr_MΩment

            You’re much safer in Moscow.
            Idaho.

        • Historicat

          Hurricane-force winds last for hours – it’s enough to drive you crazy, listening to things blow around and hoping those crashing sounds you hear aren’t a tree about to crush everything you own.

          • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

            Tornados are scary too. My neighborhood got hit one time and we were without power for almost a week. Luckily, all I lost was part of my roofline.

      • Courser_Resistance

        I did a big grad school paper in which Andrew figured largely. Further down I urge all Florida Wonkers to leave the state. There’s no good outcome here.

        • eyelashviper

          If it goes up the state, like several models are showing, this will be a wasteland.

          • Courser_Resistance

            This is how sea level rise will get us. Everybody thinks it’ll just inch up, little by little. No, it’s not going to happen that way. THIS is the way it will happen. Huge storms will keep battering at the peninsula, Southern Florida is all low-lying. The water will come in and eventually it won’t go out again. I’m watching the Texas coast for that. Some communities, like Rockport, might consider relocating. Okay, no cuz Texans think they can hold back the sea with their minds. But I read an article just this last weekend on some old Cajun Louisiana communities are looking at relocating further inland. In a way, they’ve been doing that for a generation or two. So it’s not unthinkable if the Duck Dynasty folks are considering it.

      • BadKitty904

        I hope Blarney & Co. decided to get out while the Overseas Highway – the only route in and out of the lower Keys – is still standing. If this strikes the islands at Cat. 5, the Florida Keys will be erased.

        • eyelashviper

          I have been thinking of him. There is a mandatory evacuation in the keys now, so I can’t imagine anyone ignoring it. Key West, which has survived many awful storms, may not survive this one.

          • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

            At least I can say that I’ve been to Key West. if so.

    • Parakeetist

      No. I’m screwed.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        If you are staying on place, do you at least have some emergency supplies?

        • Parakeetist

          Mom bought some.

          • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

            Good.

    • Master Contrail Program

      Nope. All toll roads are suspended and banks are apparently running low on cash. Going to go see what we can scavenge at the local shopping emporiums when Mrs. MCP gets off work. Gonna be a capers and dry vermouth kind of weekend possibly.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        I’ve had the ill-prepared bad times. Back before I had kids.

  • Historicat

    I’m back to normal (sort of) after being offline (sort of) all of last week. My family suffered nothing worse than inconvenience and cabin fever, so we were far luckier than many other people in the area. We spent some time volunteering on relief efforts and fundraising for victims; I also gave blood for the first time in far too long.

    In conclusion, hurricanes suck, flooding sucks, and people can either pull together or sit back and say “I got mine” – I guess it depends on what kind of person you want to be.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Glad that you and yours are ok. We have family in Rockport who have been staying in Dallas. We know they are ok. Not sure about the conditions of their property.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      I’m pleased you are okay, and good for you!

    • Bananas Foster

      Thank you for your work.

  • Michael Smith

    The worst things is, there are people who will actually believe that both of those pictures are real.

    • ariel_gee_398

      Given his memory problems and penchant for self-aggrandizement, Trump is probably one of them.

    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      Given the guy who’s holding the kittehs is probably 200 lbs less than the shitgibbon, it’s not a particularly good photoshop. And Rump would probably sink the raft.

      • mancityRed6

        now, now. don’t exaggerate.
        70 or 80.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Your turn, Mayor Eric “No, I’m not testing the waters for a 2020 run–why would you think otherwise?” Garcetti:

    https://twitter.com/thehill/status/905164901026594817

    • JustPretendImNotHere

      Ah yes, the Undersecretary of “Go Fuck Yourself”. (I remember reading that his brothers gave him a plaque with those words when he was Barry’s COS).

      A friend knows him pretty well and says he can change from SOB to mensch within a 5 second span.

  • Thiazin Red

    And in what fucking universe does trump look like that in a wet t shirt?

    • Shanzgood

      The one where there are alt-abs?

      • OutOfOrbit

        i still haz headache you made in me head yasterday

        • Shanzgood

          Did I hit you? I’m sure I didn’t have any tequila.

          • OutOfOrbit

            you dunut remember sticking your tongue in my ear and scambling my brain?

          • Shanzgood

            Uh uh, no way. I won’t even do that to baconz.

          • OutOfOrbit

            predictable denial

          • OutOfOrbit

            btw, you do realize that [your tongue in my ear scrambling my brain] is a metaphore for you screaming at me, Right?

          • Shanzgood

            Good lord, not you, too! Baconz already calls me a screaming banshee!

          • OutOfOrbit

            You’re not too tightly wrapped, are you?

          • Shanzgood

            Well, there’s a reason one of baconzgood’s other nicknames for me is Stroppy.

          • OutOfOrbit

            he knows you best but a few other … ho! just about got meself in trouble!

          • Shanzgood

            Nah, we’re good.

          • OutOfOrbit

            ( :

    • Daniel

      The universe inside his mind and in his mirror.

      He does not share that mirror with Melania.

    • Resistance Fighter Astraea

      Not this darkest timeline universe, that’s for sure.

    • Raan

      The one where he wasn’t raised as a shitty rich kid.

    • Not where I came from.

  • Bozilingus

    Top picture featured on the walls of tRump’s properties in 3…2…1…

  • Rick Hill

    So, trump is using DACA as a pawn to get his wall but he’s likely also using the information they provided to find other family members that aren’t dreamers and he can add to his deportation numbers.

    • BadKitty904

      Why are we allowing this creature to remain in the White House?

      • OutOfOrbit

        ask pootin or Mueller

  • Thiazin Red

    Its been a while since I went to my grandparents’ house for the family labor day thing. I forgot how delicious Cornell chicken marinade is. It was a true Upstate Feast, with Cornell chicken, salt potatoes and concord grape pie.

    • Suse
      • Thiazin Red

        Its really simple, but it gives the meat a nice flavor and makes the skin crispy.

        • Suse

          I wish we could get Concord grapes here.

          • Thiazin Red

            For the longest time I didn’t realize they were so regional. There are things that relatives who live in other states ask for whenever one of us visits. Concord grapes, white hot dogs, and Boss Sauce are some of the top requests.

          • Toomush_Inferesistance

            Nah, Concord in all its variants is pretty much universal…

  • WomanInThePersistence
    • Aileen

      You know what I hate more than fireworks? Shitty asshole teens who light them on fire and throw them off a cliff down to an area no one can quickly reach during a fire ban. The burn ban being entirely reasonable because it has rained approximately once this entire summer. I hope they spend the rest of their lives paying for their mistake.

      • C4TWOMAN

        At the very least they need to work on the wildfire crews for several years.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          This I like.

    • C4TWOMAN

      I read about this. I know people in the area who have ash raining down and the light looks weird–like during the eclipse. People are cutting their runs short. I just hope no one gets killed. Well, you know, apart from the trees and wildlife–grrr….

      • WomanInThePersistence

        I can see ash falling here – not a lot, but some. My car had a dusting on it this morning. The sky is white. Last evening the sun was bright red.

  • https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2a593bcc36de3ea3459247dd7f4953ca1f3661ed19252b33c25adfb93b68379d.jpg

    I think this might be my favorite cat pic.

    “Fuck this shit. Fuck this fucking shit. Fuck you, photographer. I’m going to fucking kill you, then I’m going to use your body as a boat, then I’m going to kill literally all the fucking things. Fuck.”

    • marxalot

      I know that face well, and I haven’t housed a cat in ten solid years.

    • Courser_Resistance

      I love it to death. Even better with your captioning.

    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      My two cats have been known to look at the grand puppies like that, and it always ends with 2 90lb. dogs cowering in submission.

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        I always relied on my mature cats to “cat break” the puppies before they got to be around kittens. Sometimes their noses would look like little tick tac toe boards, but cats don’t appreciate a cold wet nose under their tails.

        • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

          The grand puppies are actually 7 years old but they are forever puppyish and goofy and sweet but not too bright.

      • mancityRed6

        I once had to have a kitten (that was way too young to be given away) fostered? no, not the right word. someone at the Joplin Petsmart set me up with someone whose cat was still making milk for it’s own kittens for a surrogate. they had a 90lb rottweiler that just absolutely doted on her.

    • Three Finger Salute
    • BadKitty904

      Me, when somebody messes up my kitchen.

    • Me The People

      Thats some high intensity stink eye.

    • Historicat

      “2016 was so terrible” they said, “2017 has to be better.” Fools.

      • Three Finger Salute

        “So long, and thanks for all the fish”

        -Prince, Bowie, Castro, and everyone else who died in 2016

        • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

          PBUH

    • JustPretendImNotHere

      Do we know if said cat was rescued, got to high ground, etc?

      • The Chronicle tweeted out a pic of the same cat later sitting on the hood of a car looking a little happier.

  • Canis Greyhame

    What a piss-poor job of stacking goods into the back of a truck! Clearly that was the first time his puss grabbers have ever been subjected to anything resembling manual labor.

    • mancityRed6

      it’s after he hands them the white plastic container and they go back to give him a box. you just know he’s thinking “but, we already gave them that stuff. how much do they need?”

      • Canis Greyhame

        Hope that box didn’t have anything breakable in it. Couldn’t even manage to lay it down flat.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • Parakeetist

      I miss my home.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      Rlly?

    • mancityRed6

      there is nothing I could say about McCain right now that would be nice.
      so, too little, too fucking late.
      and thanks for Palin, ya putz.

    • Resistance Fighter Astraea

      What’s the catch?

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Brain surgery…

    • BadKitty904

      Is this some kind of trick? Why would Walnutz suddenly decide to stand up for democracy?

      • Me The People
      • Canis Greyhame

        Reelection isn’t on the line.

      • Suttree

        He wants history to remember him as something else than what he actually is?

        • BadKitty904

          Ahhh…

      • JustPretendImNotHere

        Doesn’t want the angels to laugh when they see him coming?

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      He has no fucks to give, I suppose. Why couldn’t we have seen this John McCain 9 years ago?

    • bbayliss

      WHAAAAAA?
      Looks like we need more tumors.
      I’m going to hell.

    • Bananas Foster

      At this point, I don’t give a fuck about his motives.

      We need all the help we can get.

    • Suttree

      Now that it won’t affect me, I’ll do the right thing.

  • WIDTAP

    Wearing mood socks today. pic.twitter.com/Yl7iN8uWYz— Craig Ferguson (@CraigyFerg) September 5, 2017

    • leemoder

      Holy shit! My buddy gave me those socks last Xmas!

    • Paul

      Awesome. Made by a local company here in western Mass. Can’t think of a gift for someone? Try these funny bastards, Guaran-damn-tee you’ll find something.

      https://www.blueq.com/

  • I had forgotten season 3 of Game of Throne was the one with all the torture

    • Courser_Resistance

      I was discussing that with friends yesterday. I can take gore to a certain extent but not cruelty and torture. I think that’s about the time I quit watching.

      • It got past this phase and got insane again, but it took a bit

      • Lance Thrustwell

        And that’s about the time when Erik Prince began unbuckling his pants.

      • Persistent Demme

        Me too.
        My girls have us back into it, but we had to skip the violence-porn days.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Not to be outdone by the Phoenix kids (tweet posted somewhere below):

    https://twitter.com/thehill/status/905171698881892352

    • Courser_Resistance

      Thanks! I haven’t seen that one!

    • BadKitty904

      Here’s hoping the school cops haven’t been issued bullets.

      • redarmyzombie

        Hey, they have a permit for those!

      • WIDTAP

        Now you know why it is important that local police forces have military grade weapons.

      • Courser_Resistance

        Oh no… Denver cops are pretty good at supporting protests and rallies and such. A couple of years ago an officer very nearly died when he was quite literally run over and dragged by a car and permanently disabled. He was protecting a just such a group of high school students who had walked out of classes and were marching in the street. Denver cops are by NO MEANS sweethearts but they know their community.

  • Hither and Yawn

    Hats off to Dok Zoom for his command of pop culture, sci-fi knowledge!

  • jesterpunk

    Wait what? Complying with the treaty isnt enough for the US to stick with it?

    http://www.cnn.com/2017/09/05/politics/haley-iran-nuclear-deal/index.html

    US Ambassador to the UN Nikki Haley laid out a case for President Donald Trump to step back from the Iran nuclear deal Tuesday, arguing that Iran’s technical compliance alone isn’t enough for the US to stick with the pact.

    • bupkus231

      This is fucking horseshit.

      • jesterpunk

        They want an excuse to end it so they can attack Iran and are coming up with any bullshit they can.

        • bupkus231

          Any bullshit they can that they think their American base will buy – but the stuff they come up with is a slap in the face – not only to our allies in the JCPOA, or even to Americans, but to any sentient being on this world.

          We really have to “pop” the “conservative bubble” – before it pops the rest of us….

    • yyyaz

      Any even damning faint praise for this piss-poor excuse for a decent human being ends now. No excuses.

    • FlownΩver

      Great. So now it’s a demonstrable waste f time for any company to negotiate anything with Trumpmerica. Apparently he’s going to treat US treaties like his casino debts.

  • Royal Ugly Globalist Dude
    • BadKitty904

      OK, that made me lol.

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      Still more useful than Donald.

    • Resistance Fighter Astraea

      lmao

    • WIDTAP

      “For God’s Sake, save the Perrier!”

    • Suttree

      I guess I could stomach Sweineken in that situation.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    I know it’s unkind and possibly unfeminist and probably already been said, but there is no way Twitler’s waistline looks like that in a wet t-shirt.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      And you’ll, sir, are a man that knows for what a man in a wet t-shirt should look like.

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    He’s on crack isn’t he…”Mr.President, put the bucket in the truck for the camera”…..

  • Lyly Sirivong

    The end of DACA made me think of my parents. To be sent to a country they’ve never known is difficult for kids but to go back to a country you left years before can also be difficult.

    My parents were born in Laos. They came to France in 1974. My brother and I were born here.

    When they arrived 43 years ago, they had this idea many immigrants have that they would make money here and earn enough to build a beautiful house in Laos. They went back there regularly. After a few years, my mother realized that she had changed too much and she could never live in Laos again. She was too used to living in France, having social security, a mild climate, partying every week with her friends, etc.

    My father still had this fantasy of going back to live there until 10 years ago. My mother said to him “Go ahead. I won’t hold you back. But I refuse to go with you.” So he went to live in Laos. After a few months, my mother called him and he told her “I’m bored. There’s nothing to do and I can’t earn money like I do in France.” So he came back to live here.

    When I talk to my aunts and uncles about this, they tell me “We can’t go back. We came to France in our early 20s and we’re all in out 50s and 60s now. We’re spent more time in France than in our native country. We’re tourists in Laos now.”

    • Three Finger Salute

      There’s a word for this in Portuguese, “saudades.” Not directly translatable in English, it refers to emigrants and/or their children who’ve made their life in the new country, yet have a longing for a vision of the “old country” that they don’t really know, and probably wouldn’t fit in with even if they tried. Sort of in limbo between two cultures.

    • BosGrl

      Love hearing peoples’ stories. Thanks for sharing that. France is fortunate to have your family in it.

      • Lyly Sirivong

        Aww thanks. *blushes*
        I feel quite fortunate I was born in France.
        It’s funny, because when my parents took the decision to leave their country, my father was working for an american company. So he told my mother that they had the possibility to go to the US. To which my mother said “hell no, I want to go to Europe !”
        If my father had won the argument, I would probably have been an american.

        • BosGrl

          And then we would have been fortunate. But truly, your mom was smart.

  • Invidosa

    Two things; first anyone who even LOOKS at that picture can immediately tell that body does not belong to the walking orange disaster. The kitty hero is obviously a man who has done a day’s work in his life and takes care of himself.

    Two, the kitties would swim before letting shitface puss grab mcTiny hands Sully their gorgeous fur with his sub-par digits

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Heading out the door on this dreamy note:

    https://twitter.com/Airvooocht/status/905088880466124800

    • yyyaz

      You just know everyone involved in this shitstorm of maladministration hated John Lennon.

  • Jamoche

    https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2017/9/1/1695345/-The-entire-staff-of-a-Minneapolis-bar-quit-after-they-found-out-the-owner-donated-to-David-Duke
    The entire staff of a Minneapolis bar quit after they found out the owner donated to David Duke

    Sadly, the City Pages reports a group of people rallied to [owner]De Roma’s defense and showed up at the bar on Tuesday:

    Callahan says bar workers told him a small group of patrons — people staff didn’t recognize as customers from any night before — actually showed up in support of De Roma on Wednesday night. The combined “weirdness” of those two days convinced management to open the bar one last night, then close it for good.

    • BosGrl

      Sounds like the free market in action! Though I’m sorry for the unemployed staff.

      • Jamoche

        Someone in the comments says Minneapolis is booming, so they shouldn’t have too much trouble. And the “why did you leave your last job?” question has an easy answer.

  • Resistance Fighter Astraea
    • BadKitty904

      And $$$.

    • Me The People

      The makes liberals sad circle should extend around everything there, otherwise accurate.

    • Crystalclear12

      Not true. Some is driven by trying to cover up his Russian collusion.

  • JustPretendImNotHere

    I’m going to start photoshopping HRC into every photo that I can because why should the Trumpsters have all the fun. I’m going to start with Inauguration Day 2017.

    • BadKitty904

      Please do.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        I’m ready for some delusion. I’m getting worn out.

        • BadKitty904

          Dang, me, too. This unending shower of bullshit wears one down. Which is EXACTLY what Trump/the GOP want it to do.

    • Crystalclear12

      I would like to order that poster.

      Helps maintain the delusion, doncha know.

  • Joe Beese

    The European model is the best forecasting system in the world for several reasons, most notably because the European modeling center has invested heavily in their model. It has the most advanced computer hardware and has devised the best system to assimilate real-time meteorological observations into its model for future runs. This means the model runs start with the most accurate initial conditions.

    https://arstechnica.com/science/2017/09/at-times-during-harvey-the-european-model-outperformed-humans/

    • Three Finger Salute

      “We don’t win anymore! SAD!”

    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      Invest in science?

      • yyyaz

        Blasphemy, godless libtart!1!11!

    • TundraGrifter

      Don’t those folks have much more sophisticated Doppler RADAR than we do?

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Just because they’re more right doesn’t mean their better.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Why do you hate the babby Jesus?

  • Three Finger Salute

    ICYMI: So, apparently Beyonce’s birthday was yesterday, and one of her BFFs decided to celebrate with some honorary cosplay. Since we’re all tired of Malaria’s cold photo-op, how about a creative selfie from an actual first lady instead?

    Michelle Obama dressed up as Beyoncé for the singer’s birthday, and totally nailed it

    Michelle

    https://img.buzzfeed.com/buzzfeed-static/static/2017-09/4/12/asset/buzzfeed-prod-fastlane-03/sub-buzz-8944-1504540807-8.jpg?downsize=715:*&output-format=auto&output-quality=auto

    Beyoncé, in her music video for the song “Formation”.

    https://img.buzzfeed.com/buzzfeed-static/static/2017-09/4/12/asset/buzzfeed-prod-fastlane-01/sub-buzz-13179-1504541389-7.jpg?downsize=715:*&output-format=auto&output-quality=auto

    Pretty good likeness.

    http://i.imgur.com/MbaQr.png

    • Courser_Resistance

      She’s just stunning as usual!

  • Jennifer R
    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      Oh, dear, “trap” is new to me? Dare I even ask?

      PS: to the dude saying most females have lousy taste in clothes, this is not helping you to get laid.

      • jowgajen

        I presumed it was an allusion to their ongoing fantasy that they would become sexually involved with said person and be “surprised” by their equipment.

      • spangled

        it’s slang that has several definitions. in this context, it refers to a trans woman that is so gorgeous and feminine that she “traps” straight men into being attracted to her.

        • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

          The poor dears. Hell, I’m a straight chick and have had crushes on girls a couple of times cuz they were so pretty and sexy and nice but, the funny thing was, I never once felt a reason to demonize anybody over it.

          • Courser_Resistance

            I’m glad I’m not the only one! I once had a massive girl-crush on a female cop. I made a fool of myself every time she came to my office.

        • Three Finger Salute

          Basically “Lola” as a 4chan meme.

          • marxalot

            The difference being, both Ray and Lola are glad about everything at the end of that classic…

        • CindyinEncinitas

          That “trap” thing. Seems like a concept that should have gone out with butter churns.

          • Bobathonic

            These idiots think all women are trying to trap a man.

          • CindyinEncinitas

            These guys tell themselves they need to beware of women who a) want to marry them and b) make cunning plans to induce them into marriage by employing the element of surprise. Is this a tacit admission that they can be *gasp* outsmarted by a MERE FEMALE?

      • Bobathonic

        Thanks for asking. I’m glad I scrolled down.

      • Jennifer R

        Trap is really old. Like maybe 15 years now? (a “passing” femme trans woman is a trap because guy in dress makes you gay via trickery)

    • mancityRed6

      the first ex wore stay up stockings for work and so wouldn’t wear them for me on the weekends. no matter how nicely I asked.

      • OutOfOrbit

        you mean grip-top stockings?

        • mancityRed6

          tomato, tomahto. the point is they looked damn good.

          • OutOfOrbit

            are you stll stuck on her?

          • mancityRed6

            not really.
            true story, she kept my last name and still goes by it, 10 years on. and the parents were most worried about whether the daughter she has is mine.
            she’s not.

          • OutOfOrbit

            wimmen!

    • redarmyzombie

      …Wha? What am I even looking a…
      …nevermind, I don’t really want to know…

    • marxalot

      good yes fine
      has it ever occured to these people that if their civilization is so fragile that it collapses once a girl starts tucking her dick or a boy gets his first shaving kit, it probably was a bit crap to start with?

      • marxalot

        also I like how the antagonist is some kind of loli weirdo, that’s always your indicator of moral rectitude
        ..haha I said rectitude

      • Courser_Resistance

        When I was a little girl, I played shave with my dad. No one made a fuss, it was just a kid thing. He’d put shaving cream on my face and I’d ‘shave’ it off with an empty safety razor. Harmless stuff. I still grew up straight but with a good sense of fun.

      • Three Finger Salute

        You should have seen the RWNJs out in full force retroactively cheering “God” when the story about that guy buried under the ashes of the Vesuvius disaster hit the news. God punished them by raining fire from the mountains, for “spilling their seed and pleasuring themselves in sin.”

        If anything is fragile, it’s RWNJs’ mental state.

        • Courser_Resistance

          Christ, they believe God rained fire down on them because ONE GUY was jacking off? Hope they feel the same way about Irma once she drowns Florida. Sadly, Florida Man will probably survive. It’s just that kind of world these days.

    • spangled

      trans people are taking down religion – the force that has motivated most of history’s most bloody conflict?
      go trans people!

  • Baconzgood
  • Jennifer R

    A passage from Christopher Caudwell that people should read when they spout shit like ‘both sides are as bad’: ‘To-day, as the bourgeois pacifist, he helps to generate the violence, war, and Fascist and Imperialist brutality he hates. In so far as he is a genuine pacifist and not merely a completely muddled man hesitating between the paths of revolution and non-co-operation, his thesis is this, ‘I hate violence and war and social oppression, and all these things are due to social relations. I must therefore abstain from social relations. Belligerent and revolutionary alike are hateful to me.’

    But to abstain from social relations, is to abstain from life. As long as he draws or earns an income, he participates in bourgeois economy, and upholds the violence which sustains it. He is in sleeping partnership with the big bourgeoisie, and that is the essence of bourgeois economy. If two other countries are at war, he is powerless to intervene and stop them, for that means social co-operation – social co-operation issuing in coercion, like a man separating quarrelling friends and that action is by his definition barred to him. If the big bourgeoisie of his own country decide to go to war and mobilise the coercive forces, physical and moral, of the State, he can do nothing real, for the only real answer is co-operation with the proletariat to resist the coercive action of the big bourgeoisie and oust them from power. If Fascism develops, he cannot suppress it in the bud before it has built up an army to intimidate the proletariat, for he believes in ‘free speech’. He can only watch the workers being bludgeoned and beheaded by the forces he allowed to develop.’
    ‘His position rests firmly on the bourgeois fallacy. He thinks that man as an individual has power. He does not see that even in the unlikely event of everyone’s taking his viewpoint and saying, ‘I will passively resist,’ his purpose will still not be achieved. For men cannot in fact cease to co-operate, because society’s work must be carried on – grain must be reaped, clothes spun, electricity generated or man will perish from the earth. Only his position as a member of a parasitic class could have given him any other illusion. A worker sees that his very life depends on economic co-operation and that this co-operation of itself imposes social relations which m bourgeois economy must be bourgeois, that is, must in greater or less measure give into the hands of the big bourgeoisie the violent issues of life and death. Passive resistance is not a real programme, but an apology for supporting the old programme. A man either participates in bourgeois economy, or he revolts and tries to establish another economy. Another apparent road is to break up society and return to the jungle, the solution of anarchy. But that is no solution at all. The only real alternative to bourgeois economy is proletarian economy, i.e. socialism, and therefore one either participates in bourgeois economy or is a proletarian revolutionary. The fact that one participates passively in bourgeois economy, that one does not oneself wield the bludgeon or fire the cannon, so far from being a defence really make one’s position more disgusting, just as a fence is more unpleasant than a burglar, and a pimp than a prostitute. One lets others do the dirty work, and merely participates in the benefit. The bourgeois pacifist occupies perhaps the most ignoble place of a man in any civilisation. ‘ (source: https://www.marxists.org/archive/caudwell/1935/pacifism-violence.htm)

    • Three Finger Salute

      Needs paragraphs though.

      But, uh… is he saying that if you’re a recluse like Boo Radley (which I am), that you avoid people entirely because you’ve just given up on effecting any change and prefer to roll over and die, and you’re not out there in the streets protesting every day because you just can’t swallow the suspension of disbelief pill anymore and pretend like there’s hope for a better future, then you’re enabling Trump and Hitler, and are therefore just as bad?

      I guess that makes me fascist-lite. I don’t want to live on this planet anymore.

      • Jennifer R

        No, he is saying the people who wring their hands and say both sides are bad are fascist lite.

  • Marion in Savannah

    Any cat worth its Friskies would claw the SHIT out of that orange motherfucker.

    • BadKitty904
      • Moebym of the Returners

        Not gonna lie, it terrifies me when cats’ retinas reflect light in the dark.

        • BadKitty904

          I think it’s kinda pretty, indoors, where I know whose eyes they are (our two cats). Outdoors, esp. at night, that’s a whole different matter…

    • redarmyzombie

      And eagles.

    • Me The People

      My senga would have shredded him like a woodchipper – he’d have been history in ten seconds flat.

  • Me The People

    How could anyone take that pic seriously but the clinically deluded – look at the waistline vs Trumps actual waistline, not even talking about the hands.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      It’s just for donald’s inbox…

  • Marla

    Photo op

    SAD

  • Suse
    • redarmyzombie

      Droopey Libelz!

      • Suse

        Well, yeah. But she IS a droop.

    • Baconzgood

      Hey Squidward and Droopy-Dog were cool. I attack work like Droopy would and if Sponge Bob was my neighbor I’d go nuts too.

      • Suse

        I just thought it was funny. It’s hot. I’m an old. Give me a break.

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    Twenty-five years today since I roped Mrs. Toomush into marrying me. That’s five five-year contracts! I’m hoping she’ll say yes to another five!….

    • biologydave

      I raise a drink in your honor.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Skol!…and Danka!…

    • BadKitty904

      Get off here and go smooch on her!

    • Joe Beese

      Congratulations. If she hasn’t come to her senses by now, she probably never will. :-)

    • Courser_Resistance

      Congratulations to both you and Mrs.Toomush! Wonderful benchmark to be proud of and celebrate. Did the younger Toomushs organize a party for y’all?

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Later – turns out this is a work day for Mrs. Toomush – but I’m taking her out for a moonlight walk by the lake. Full moon!…

    • Lambsendbeds

      Congratulations! I’m really happy for both of you ! What are you offering to sweeten the deal so she’ll sign that next five year contract?

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        You think popcorn will do it?…

        • CindyinEncinitas

          Maybe the cheesy kind. Go all out. Show her you really care.

    • Suse

      Awww… congrats!

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Thanks for sharing a happy fun time. You crazy kids. And congrats!

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      So comrade, five year plan work, communing ees good.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Congrats, and many more!

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      The 5th 5th is the Silver anniversary. So have a 5th of this, I guess
      https://wine-searcher1.freetls.fastly.net/images/labels/82/17/patron-silver-tequila-mexico-10518217.jpg

    • mrFawkes

      The traditional Wonkette 25-year anniversary gift is cakes she likes and a dick joke.

    • Parakeetist

      Mazel tov.

    • grindstone

      You do the “five year license with option to renew” thing, too? Awesome. Congratulations!

  • Mavenmaven

    The only President without pets (not counting his relationships to women) isn’t going to be saving animals.

    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      Or people.

    • BadKitty904

      Does Eric count?

    • Persistent Demme

      I think he must hate animals.
      Explains the “hunting” of endangered species thing.
      And the total lack of empathy doesn’t help.
      (I think Barron could really benefit from a pet.)

  • TundraGrifter

    Mia Love and Sen. Ted Cruz are popular with various factions of the GNoP. Their parents arrived here in the US of A with no money, no English, nothing but hope and dreams and trust in America.

    Today’s Republicans would just slam the door in their faces.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Zodiac got kicked out of Canada for being too much of an asshole even for the Conservative Party.

      • jesterpunk

        Surprised he doesnt get along better with 2 scoops. Donny’s grandfather was kicked out of Germany for refusing to serve in the military.

    • bbayliss

      Sebastian Gorka? child of Hungarian refugees.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Ted Cruz would slam the door in his parent’s faces…

  • Joe Beese

    Boston Red Sox Used Apple Watches to Steal Signs Against Yankees

    https://www.nytimes.com/2017/09/05/sports/baseball/boston-red-sox-stealing-signs-yankees.html

    • marxalot

      They cheated at cheating, it’s dreadful. This could easily blow up into “delicious drama as we head into the post season,” veer off into “two overfed toddlers throwing a tantrum” territory, or fizzle into a “and then the League did nothing” scenario.

    • Three Finger Salute

      :(

    • Finnibar87

      Oh, for fuck’s sake.
      no.

      Please.

      That is a total dick Patriot sort of move, RSN.

      • Joe Beese

        On the bright side, this is a rare demonstration that the Apple Watch is useful for something.

        • marxalot

          APPLE WATCHES ARE FOR YOBBOS WITH TOO MUCH MONEY

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      The Red Sox stole that move from the New England Patriots.

  • rumsey

    What will he grab when Irma hits Mar-a-Lago?

    • BadKitty904

      Our tax dollars.

      • C4TWOMAN

        What? Like a common tax and spend liburl?
        *clutches stolen pearls*

        • BadKitty904

          No, like a common-taxpayer-robbing Republican.

    • Finnibar87

      Trump the Idiot will be ensconced in his NYC yuuge penis replica until further notice.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Federal funds to “restore”,the place, regardless of actual storm damage.

    • CindyinEncinitas

      Is it wrong to hope Irma scrapes Mar-a-Lago right off the map?

      • data_ninja

        A little bit. I’m sure there’s some kompromat hidden in there somewhere that Mueller could use.

        • CindyinEncinitas

          Ok. Sorry. I just had this fantasy where bricks wash up on the shores of Scotland but the currents prolly don’t go that way anyway.

      • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

        (I said that very quietly to Mr. this afternoon, so quiet that the karma gods couldn’t hear and won’t come stomp my ass, hopefully.)

  • FelineMama

    You disgusting Moron in Chief. It’s bad enough, your total soulless attitude towards this disaster, BUT, now, to put photoshopped pics out there!! PITYFULL. You are one compassion-less, repulsive DICK.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      I think it’s the soulless, compassion-less, dick members of his cult, and the not very bright ones at that.

      • data_ninja

        True! His soulless, compassion-lessstaffers make fake kids thank you notes to send in to him.

  • BadKitty904

    Aight, you weirdos, time for me to bustle off the the kitchen and start supper. Y’all behave.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/404b261f3488e9d28c09fe14a70a648a1a9618a5e5c8f2cccd24e56cab3e8df0.png

    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      Me too, but I’ll try to keep Moonlight’s silver vine out of our stew.

    • Suse

      Hope it’s not your last meal in your home!

      • BadKitty904

        Well, it’s unlikely. This house is over 150 years old – the foundation’s older than that. It’s been through plenty of hurricanes.

    • Finnibar87

      Decarbolize it first!

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Cats must “supervise ” any interesting activity.

      • Marion in Savannah

        They’re also famous for “helping.” (Mine LOVE typing…)

        • Resistance Fighter Astraea

          Mine loves to help by laying on top of my arms.

          • Shanzgood

            Mine just puked on my carpet.

          • Bad Tom

            Just her comment that you need new carpet.

          • Shanzgood

            Again? This one is a replacement for the one my OTHER car ruined!

          • Shanzgood

            Er, cat. Not car.

        • Moebym of the Returners

          Mine redecorates everything with her fur.

        • Bad Tom

          My cat loves to edit my code.
          His changes NEVER work though.

      • george lastrapes

        Cats know current events upset you. That’s why they flop on the newspaper when you’re reading it.

      • Jonny On Maui

        I have attack cats. You tell them to attack and they have one…

      • Persistent Demme

        So do dogs.
        “Yeah, thanks, boys, but I’ve got this.”

        • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

          Bella helps by sitting on remotes and cellphones.

      • arensb

        They just want to help you by pointing out which piece of paper you’re going to need next. With their butt.

      • BadKitty904

        Well, someone competent has to do it.

  • Finnibar87

    With my pussies clutched firmly to my chest, I managed to swim from the toxic flood waters of Hurricane Harvey in Houston.

  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

    All Right, Everybody off the Planet!**
    Because, fuck, what next….

    **an actual book title, I shit thee not.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Hyperspace bypasses have to be built.

      • Marion in Savannah

        But it’s infrastructure, and Trump don’t seem to understand infrastructure. (Or anything else, for that matter.)

        • Bobathonic

          The plans have been on display.

  • Joe Beese

    Daily Beast reporting Kelly put the kaibosh on Clarke’s hopes for a WH gig.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Ha! Good.

    • Wolf Tracker

      Kelley ruins all the fun!

    • Mr. Blobfish

      While ending DACA.

  • data_ninja

    FYI Dok the “Baffled by the task…” link is double pasted..

    –Yr friendly neighborhood data_ninja

  • mrFawkes
    • yyyaz

      Tired of single servings too also.

    • bupkus231

      Nah – these guys don’t have the intelligence to assign “snowflake” to “Fight Club”. All they know is that it sounds good, and enrages libtards – and that’s all they need.

      The analysis doesn’t need to get any deeper than that

      • mrFawkes

        I Am Jack’s Inflamed Spite

      • Three Finger Salute

        Fight Club is a book. Trumpist morons don’t read. Just like their hero.

        • mancityRed6

          the book ending was better
          yeah, I know. I am that guy.

          • C4TWOMAN

            The film was entertaining, but I agree about the book.

          • mancityRed6

            oh, I liked the film way too much. I saw more anti materialism and MTV hatred than anything else, though.

      • mancityRed6

        they see it parroted by the top ranking commenters on their respective websites and appropriate it.
        like “cuck”

      • CripesAmighty

        “All they need to know is that it sounds good and *they think* enrages libtards.

        /fixed.

  • ltmcdies
    • Joe Beese

      Look at those smirking kids… just waiting to steal some American jobs!

      • ltmcdies

        it’s in Toronto….so I guess it’s canadian jobs…as cleaners.

        • Joe Beese

          FAKE NEWS

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      It just occurred to me. How many Dreamers are going to Canada?

      • Three Finger Salute

        Probably AOT,K.

        • Bobathonic

          I wonder how this will affect our Safe Harbor status.

          • Three Finger Salute

            Trump is volatile and petty and lives in the bubble of illusion that Trudeau is his buddy. If he goes ahead with revoking the Safe Third Country Agreement, Trump will get wind of it, feel personally betrayed, and do something bigly awful to Canada — much worse than going after their lumberjacks and dairy maids. Trudeau is flying under the radar as much as he can, playing snake charmer with the beast because he has to.

            Nixon was a lunatic, but even he wasn’t as much of a threat as when Pierre took in draft resisters as refugees from the U.S. Nixon didn’t have a stalker fantasy that Pierre was his pal. Trump would be livid if Trudeau made any moves declaring “Trump’s America” not so “great” for desperate people, and would lash out accordingly. If for no other reason than it’d have the best ratings, the most incredible ratings.

            Trump’s base doesn’t just want the newcomers out of the USA. They want them dead, and the same fate for anyone who “betrays the race” by welcoming undesirables at all. The internet, ironically, has blurred a lot of borders. They’re in touch with their “brethren” in other countries, like the AfD in Germany and National Front in France, and the various Nazi groups in Canada. That FLQ wannabe punk was a member of a Le Pen group on Facebook and several Stormfront type forums supporting Trump.

            Trump doesn’t care where his support comes from geographically, as long as he gets fawning approval from white deplorables. Trudeau’s steering the ship pretty well, but he can’t rock it too much, lest there be consequences for Canada and probably for himself.

      • ltmcdies

        I bet some will. Happy to have them. But they love America and it would be a shame if they had to leave it.

      • C4TWOMAN

        The way things are, if they can they should run to Canada and thank their lucky stars. Could be a lot worse.

        • CripesAmighty

          Wait til Merkel, the Scandinavians, Canada, etc set up refugee programs for these folks. Won’t be long before they’re all, ‘Stay in ‘Murka? What was I thinking?’

          • C4TWOMAN

            IKR?

            “At last, I’m in a civilised country with Universal Health Care!”

    • Three Finger Salute
    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Fuck you Canada for being nice.

    • mancityRed6

      oh, look, Canada…again.
      *breathes deep*
      *centers*
      ok, sorry about that.

      • Three Finger Salute

        I was keeping score of how much winning they’re doing, but I lost count. Actually, math ran out of numbers, and it went into that quantum stuff that apparently only Canadian math teachers understand.

  • Joe Beese
  • Angela Ruzzo

    A friend sent me the link to this song “Pure Comedy” by Father John Misty. It’s good. Very depressing, but good.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wKrSYgirAhc

    “Oh, their religions are the best
    They worship themselves yet they’re totally obsessed
    With risen zombies, celestial virgins, magic tricks, these unbelievable outfits
    And they get terribly upset when you question their sacred texts
    Written by woman-hating epileptics…”

  • mancityRed6

    hid goddamn head doesn’t even match the body! Jeebus H…
    and in other good news
    http://crooksandliars.com/2017/09/alabama-ag-candidate-targets-abortion
    a candidate for Alabama state attorney general doxxes someone.

  • Joe Beese

    It’s almost as if he’s a liar with no beliefs or principles. Puzzling.

    https://twitter.com/AnnCoulter/status/905129025940717568

  • Sophia

    That photoshopped picture looks like trump is handing the guy a MAGA hat? Was it autographed so the dude could die happy?

    • mancityRed6

      “here, that’ll be $40”

      • Sophia

        Someone will be along to rescue you soon. I have a tee time.

        • CindyinEncinitas

          Here’s an autograph. You’re welcome. Hey, don’t let it get wet!

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Why should he not be able to take advantage of the free market? $2000 or GTFO.

        • mancityRed6

          I would say that like all things business, he doesn’t know “gouging”, then I remember how much he charges for his hotels.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • mackafritz

      Or in the next 6 months.

      • jesterpunk

        Or ever as long as republicans are in control.

    • Joe Beese

      The whole point of Trump canceling DACA with a six-month delay is to punt this issue away to Congress. He wants to be done with it. If Ryan and McConnell put something together, Trump can grudgingly sign it and tell his base, “Eh, this isn’t what I’d prefer but this is what they sent me. If you don’t like it, blame them.” But Ryan and McConnell probably won’t be able to pass anything if Trump doesn’t actively campaign for a compromise, creating political cover for red-district Republicans to support a deal. …

      Without Trump’s support, nothing will pass — and then congressional Republicans will point the finger at him while Democrats point the finger at the entire GOP. He’s trying to avoid blame for DREAMers being deported while also avoiding blame for DREAMers being amnestized, but there’s really no way through that dilemma. The only solution that leaves him off the hook for everything is if Ryan and McConnell could somehow marshal veto-proof majorities in both houses to pass an amnesty that the president ends up vetoing. But as I say, House Republicans won’t back a “clean” DREAM amnesty unless Trump himself is behind it. If he doesn’t propose a compromise or at least stump for one that congressional GOPers come up with, he might as well cancel DACA today and own it.

      https://hotair.com/archives/2017/09/05/white-house-trump-doesnt-want-standalone-dream-bill-wants-something-comprehensive/

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Él parece agradable.

      يبدو لطيفا.

      Anjeunna sigana nice.

      Anh ấy có vẻ tốt đẹp.

    • Juan de Fuca

      Cornyn’s another guy who can go fuck himself.

      ETA, sorry, these people have me feeling exceptionally stabby today.

  • Joe Beese

    Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders went after Democrats for fundraising off of the riled public as they attack President Donald Trump for being heartless, saying “to me, the most heartless thing that I’ve seen all day today is that Democrats like Nancy Pelosi are using this decision today for fundraising while the president’s trying to fix the situation.”

    How dare they politicize a tragedy!

    • Bobathonic

      “You call that politicizing a tragedy? Hold my beer…”

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Rudy Giuliani says what?

    • Mr. Blobfish

      See the party that was using a softball practice shooting for fundraising.

    • spangled

      does sarah even know what she’s arguing anymore?

      “actually democrats are evil because they DON’T want to deport kids” *throws smoke grenade* “PELOSI!”

    • Jenny

      Which tragedy? There’s a new one every single day?

  • Juan de Fuca

    Jesus fucking Christ, these people are idiots.

    • ZangoCrudmonger

      ^A far more generous statement than I could ever muster.

      • Jonny On Maui

        True!

  • Picabo

    “Texas Churches Are Suing FEMA for Excluding Them in Disaster Relief Grants”
    They should pay taxes if they want government money. Grifters gonna grift.
    http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2017/09/05/texas-churches-are-suing-fema-for-excluding-them-in-disaster-relief-grants/

  • Persistent Demme

    Jolene is a great song.
    “You’re even slicker than your hair…”
    (OK, so “Joel Osteen” doesn’t quite scan, but it’s fun!)
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PXY7-XyfBvs

    • Morrigan In Oregon

      you MADE it scan, and it is an effective (and good voice, too!) tool of resistance!

  • Three Finger Salute

    OK, why does Australia want to compete with America for “assholiest Anglosphere country” award?

    A pregnant prisoner with schizophrenia has been denied an abortion because the prison psychiatrist declared her incompetent to make decisions about her healthcare

    And this is why having a mental illness sucks probably worse than any other illness, even terminal ones. Nobody declares you incompetent to have decision-making capacity over your healthcare if you have cancer. But mental illness? That’s like a catch-22 to the power of 22.

    This asshole shrink and the court tribunal who listened to him have not only harmed this woman. They condemned the child she’s now forced to give birth to, to the curse of inheriting mom’s sickness. If anything, the woman is a lot more competent than other crazy people who go ahead and have kids anyway, thinking they’ll be fine and not develop problems later in life at all. Or people who intentionally inflict genetic disorders on their kids to “prove a point” or satisfy the ideology of their “community” (deaf people who select for deafness by genetic counseling and IVF, for example).

    Dammit, Australia. You just ruined two people’s lives here. The woman herself right now — and in the future, the kid who will eventually exist and have a ruined life being born with a predisposition to schizophrenia. May a dingo eat this shrink and the men in that court (with votes as dessert).

    • tehbaddr

      As forward as AUS is, there are some backwards fuckheads there (bogans), and they’ve been getting foot holds as of recent. I lived there for a few years about a decade ago. It’s always been boiling under the surface, just like the great USA of A! Extra A for ass!

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Now, in the official meteorological circles, you have an abundance of people who believe that man-made climate change is real, and they believe that Al Gore is correct when he has written, and he couldn’t be more wrong, that climate change is creating more hurricanes and stronger hurricanes. And, of course, when Harvey hit, it was the first hurricane that had hit in 12 years. There haven’t been more hurricanes and they’re no more dangerous than any others in previous years.

    Rush Limbaugh, who I assume won’t be evacuating and will ride out the storm in W. Palm Beach.

    • yyyaz

      He better hope he is mistaken for a manatee when he washes up in Micanopy.

    • Wolf Tracker

      They keep throwing that 12 years around because there were two huge hurricanes right before that and I guess three 500 year hurricanes in a 15 year period is just too hard to explain.

    • spangled

      hurricane matthew hit florida less than a year ago. poor old rush, so senile. SAD!

    • II Gosala

      This whole hurricane thing drives me nuts. In IPCC AR5 there is a very short discussion about the effect of climate change on hurricanes.

      I forget the exact wording, and I’m too lazy to look it up right now, but the gist of it is

      1. Fewer hurricanes over all
      2. More of the ones that do form will be major (cat. 3, 4, or 5)
      3. Hurricanes will tend to track further northward
      4. These effects will not become apparent until the end of the century
      5. Confidence level is moderate

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    Haha! Some people believe that Trump all of a sudden got so fit and goes out wearing jeans and a tshirt.

  • ltmcdies

    in your ear, Trump…signed kids in Denver

    https://twitter.com/channel2kwgn/status/905095011188002816

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      I am not surprised. As many of you know, I live in Denver. I am so proud of these kids. Because my wife teaches here and I have worked with the district, I know first hand how scared these children are.

      THEY ARE FREAKING OUT BUT ARE FEARLESS.

      • ltmcdies

        be proud….and good job.

  • tehbaddr

    I can tell by the pixels….that and most any cat would scratch his face off!
    /animals tend to have an accurate sense of people, good and evil.

    • C4TWOMAN
      • tehbaddr

        Oh No you di’nt!1!1!1!!!!111!!!!!111!!!1

        Yes you actually did, I, I, the shame Rick Rolled !!!1!11!!!!!!111!!!

        • C4TWOMAN

          There there….

          • tehbaddr

            Mark my words C4TWOMAN, you will get yours!

            http://images3.static-bluray.com/reviews/1170_4.jpg

          • C4TWOMAN

            Promises, promises!

          • tehbaddr

            No, no, it’s not a promise! More of a threat! Or at least an agitated response. Well, that’s against the non-commenting rules, so not a threat, but umm, a commenting vehicle as it were. You understand right? Oh, never mind!

          • C4TWOMAN

            If it makes you feel better, I’m shaking in my stylish yet affordable boots.
            Honestly. I’m completely terrified.
            *yawn*
            Truly.

  • rosenbomb

    Also, the guy who actually saved the cats has a way flatter tummy than Trumpty Dumpty. That’s what gave it away for me (besides the shitty ‘shoppin job in general)

    • Angela Ruzzo

      Absolutely true, I knew right away it wasn’t Trump because of that. Otherwise, the photoshopper deserves an award.. I know this because I try to make myself look skinnier in every photo by photoshopping it, and it is really hard to do it well.

      • Resistance Fighter Astraea

        Obviously they key is to just put your face on someone else’s body.

        • Angela Ruzzo

          Yeah, that’s the easy way. I am always wearing a Renaissance costume in my photos, which presents a big challenge.

          • rosenbomb

            I’m sure you look fantastic in your photos, especially in full Ren gear ;)

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Why, thank you! But I would look so much better in them if I had the figure I had 20 years ago. Of course, now that I think about it, they wouldn’t fit if I did, so then I would actually look worse in them. Oh dear, Catch-22.

          • marxalot

            Lace tighter. More layers. Bigger… wimple. Bam.

      • rosenbomb

        An activity I like to engage in is to find bad ‘shops in magazines. They love shaving off women’s thighs, which often makes them look angular and alien

        • Angela Ruzzo

          These are sometimes so obvious they make me laugh. I saw one once where the model had such a large gap between her thighs that anatomically, it would have been almost impossible for her to walk properly.

    • marxalot

      The thighs, too.

  • Kiri the Unicorn

    “The above photo, which has been going around the interwebs with the claim that Donald Trump helped rescue kittycats from flooding in Houston, is Photoshopped.”

    https://youtu.be/7qKcJF4fOPs

  • diogenez
    • C4TWOMAN

      Never gets old.

      • ltmcdies

        nope, and never will.

    • Wolf Tracker

      Go for the eyes!

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        That’s my line, dammit!

        • Wolf Tracker

          My bad!

          Is go for the balls taken?

      • diogenez

        throat

    • ltmcdies

      and the other fave…..might as well watch both

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9rh1dhur4aI

      • janecita

        That faux nazi getting punched always makes my day.

        • Parakeetist

          Hear, hear!

      • Edith Prickly

        *looks around for moderators*

        APANITF!!!

        *slinks out*

  • WomanInThePersistence

    DACA. Irma. Houston. North Korea. My beloved Columbia Gorge. Apocalyptic dance party, any one?

    https://youtu.be/ejorQVy3m8E

    Excuse me while I go curl up into a ball and weep.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Steam in forty five degrees

      • yyyaz

        Or, as they call it in Phoenix, “April.”

      • WomanInThePersistence

        Maybe I’m just too gobsmacked by the day, but huh?

      • marxalot

        *checks thermometer*
        Not so far today, but over the weekend, yeah

      • guppy06

        Steam? Should have gone with digital.

    • Courser_Resistance

      I’m right there with you, sister. Totally unplugged last week and this is a hell of a mess to come back to. Job ended a week ago last Friday, so I have that anxiety also too.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        Oh shit. Will Internet *hugs* be at all helpful? Because I’m sending them your way.

        • Courser_Resistance

          Thank you! I’m in a bit of a funk today, but it’ll pass. I’ll survive. I always do!

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Your resilience is good. Thank you for sharing it.

    • spangled

      fun fact: the lead singer of this band is a longtime activist who became a member of the Australian parliament in 2004.

      and this is a protest song about giving australian land back to the native pintupi, so specific, i have no idea how it became such a big hit.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        It became a big hit because it’s brilliant. And I remember hearing about him. That’s damned impressive.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    Sorry, Guys. Besides work, I’ve been distracted all day on another forum trying to defend why I don’t care for Mulholland Drive.

    • yyyaz

      You’re right, they’re wrong. Fix you a drink?

      • Everrett Fanuelli

        Sure. The absurdity of the argument comes from my point of view and the fact that the gratuitous sex scene between two gorgeous women took me out of the movie.

        • yyyaz

          Haven’t rewatched it in years, but my recollection is it being such a mashup of incoherency that it nearly pegged my “harumph” meter.

  • Moebym of the Returners
    • WomanInThePersistence

      What a cutie! Needed that!

    • janecita

      Thanks! I love other people’s cats:-)

    • Courser_Resistance

      Fuzzy ball MUST COME OFF!

      Hee, pretty darn cute!

    • Wolf Tracker

      That’s not silly. She obviously stole the ball to play with and you just caught her in the act of replacing it. See the look of guilt?

    • Edith Prickly

      AWWWW, I love torties. Is she chatty? There have been two torties in my past that were constantly mewing for attention.

      • Bananas Foster

        I have a tortie point Siamese. (Look left.)

        I’ve never met a truer version of pure feliness.

      • Moebym of the Returners

        Yes, she’s quite vocal, though not at the same level as Siamese.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Hehe, I love when cats get that crazy-eyed look when they are really getting into their play-hunting. Pure silly joy.

    • mailman27

      Fine looking kitty!

  • Resistance Fighter Astraea
    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      That’s what I do every day.

    • Courser_Resistance

      Pretty much my reaction. Smart kitteh!

    • Red Bird

      It’s his voice.

  • yyyaz

    Former Sen. Bob Graham is on the teevee telling Ari Melber that Congress needs to prepare for Mueller getting “you’re fired.” Grummbblleees…..

    • Antonin Dvorak

      Bob is a good guy, but he has been retired for years, how would he have any insight?

      • yyyaz

        Inside sources, a pair of ears/eyes and the top-sekrit decoder ring.

  • Scooby

    Lose weight now. ask me how.

    • jesterpunk

      Look at pics of Donny 2 Scoops?

    • Courser_Resistance

      Don’t need. I’ve already lost 25 pounds on the Cheeto Regime diet. I’ve had eating issues since 11/9

      • Scooby

        I’ve gone the other way and ballooned up. Mostly from drinking, I think.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          Yeah, me too. On both counts.

        • Courser_Resistance

          I smoke weed and don’t drink, so that might help. I don’t generally keep munchies in the house (or they’re very limited) and I don’t go out stoned so… I have days when I’m ravenous, but most of the time looking at food makes me nauseous. .

          • marxalot

            I’m drinking enough caffeine to stay focused that it’s the coffee making me feel vaguely sick and on the verge of tears, which is an acceptable tradeoff.

          • Scooby

            I gotta have you over for Sunday Gravy.

      • marxalot

        I’ve been battling for my sanity against rage and despair by literally hitting a punching bag. I don’t know about my weight, but my arms and core are amazing now. It’s the only thing keeping my appetite up, too.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    I’ve said this before, but it’s time to re-release “Eve of Destruction” by Barry McGuire, except they’d have to re-update the lyrics and re-re-release it every week in order to keep up with the horror. A dear friend from college is packing up her house in Miami as I write this, in order to evacuate from Irma.

    • Three Finger Salute
    • Courser_Resistance

      Good on your friend, though I’m very sorry for her. Best to get out of there.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        She’s lucky – she rents her house. She’s been looking for a way to get out of the lease, but this is not one of the methods she was considering.

    • miss_grundy

      Good for her. I hope she makes it out in time. The state has already called for an evacuation of the Keys since Irma is heading in that direction.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    plus Trump is fat

    • SisterArtemis

      I don’t give a shit how fat he is, and if he were a decent guy, instead of a fat-shaming misogynist, it really wouldn’t matter.

      • Panika MCD

        I think he’s saying the dude who saved the cats has a different body type…though maybe ineligantly phrased.

        • SisterArtemis

          Ahhh, thank you. I’m kind of a curmudgeon about fat jokes, probably over-reacted

          • Panika MCD

            he could have stated it better.

  • janecita

    Fuck you Steve Harvey!

    Steve Harvey pushes forward on deal with Trump Administration following severe backlash – Fox News
    https://apple.news/A_-uC2uXxTkWrb3t6W34zoQ

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      I’m not that bothered. Harvey has to deal with the devil, but STEM programs are vital for the younglings.

      • Red Bird

        Well, dealing with the devil is the easy way to get what you want.

    • BosGrl

      He looks like a Muppet with that mustache.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Bad answer, bad answer…

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      Steve Harvey’s new show launched today and I watched because he had Chelsea Handler on. The man basically admitted that he would do anything for a paycheck when asked how many shows he needed.
      So he’s a whore.

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

    The GOP can kiss off the Hispanic vote from now to eternity.

    Even if they save DACA in some form, the damage has been done and demographics will rule our nation for the better.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      I wouldn’t be too sure. There are many Latino/Hispanic folks who don’t view immigrants as the same as them. If that were true we would have seen more Cubans vote Dem in 2016.

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        This has been true of every wave of immigrants to the US. The ones before look down on the ones that follow.

        • Sophia

          People need someone to look down on so they can feel better about themselves. As long as you’re not the one at the bottom of the pile you can be smug about soemthing

          • Red Bird

            I look down on people who wear corduroy pants.

          • Jamoche

            Or any sort of pants.

          • Red Bird

            I’m not there yet.

          • Shanzgood

            Hey!

          • Red Bird

            Do you like it when people can hear you coming? I prefer a soft entrance.

          • Shanzgood

            I don’t wear them but baconz does and anyway he’s too skinny for his thighs to rub together.

          • Red Bird

            A man with a thigh gap. Interesting.

          • Shanzgood

            They are still very nice.

          • marxalot

            I look down on Burt Bacharach. I don’t even remember why, but it is a comfort to me.

          • Red Bird

            Because he wrote all the songs Dionne Warwick sang.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            May he go to the special hell for “Whenever I wake-up, before I put on my make-up, I say a little prayer for you.”

            Ugh.

          • Catstro

            I kinda like corduroy pants. Corduroy skirts on the other hand…
            http://media2.fdncms.com/stranger/imager/u/original/23811902/1259611733-corduroyskirtssin.jpg

          • eastcoastlib

            I married a girl from Israel. She had a green card when I met her but many of her close friends did not. We had a conversation about immigration one night and all of them, every one, was all for building a wall to keep out the thundering hoards. When I pointed out that all of them were here illegally, they blew a gasket. How could I compare them to the illegals coming here from Mexico and South America?

          • WomanInThePersistence

            “I never thought the leopards would eat MY face,” cried the person who voted for the “Leopards Eating Peoples’ Faces Party”. Btw, your wife’s friends are idiots.

          • eastcoastlib

            You have no idea. All of them can’t vote but love Trump because he’s “tough” and he says what everyone is thinking but is too afraid to say. I find an excuse to leave when they come over.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Understandably. I sincerely hope for your own sanity that your wife isn’t such a solipcistic moron.

          • eastcoastlib

            Former IDF intelligence officer. Speaks seven languages including Arabic and Farsi. She is not an idiot. She would sooner chop her arm off than vote Republican (she is a citizen now)

          • WomanInThePersistence

            She sounds amazing. So may I ask why she puts up with these people? Yes, I understand the importance of long-term friendships, but there comes a point where that really shouldn’t matter more than ones principals.

          • jowgajen

            Israel is a nation built on racism. Yes, literally. No, I’m not taking a position on the existence of Israel, I am just stating an obvious fact. Israel is a concept mired in the idea that race, ethnicity, etc. is indelible and matters enough to be preserved at the end of a gun.

          • eastcoastlib

            Yeah and if you really get to know Israeli ex-pats, they get a little defensive when “foreigners” like me discuss Israeli politics. As if I’m not qualified to comment because I haven’t lived there.

          • Three Finger Salute

            And they get away with it by exploiting their dead ancestors. If Anne Frank could see what the state of Israel is doing to Palestinians in her name, she would weep and probably want to punch Bibi for being a schmuck. No, not with votes either.

      • Jamoche

        That plus the abortion vote.

      • miss_grundy

        Cubans voting Republican go back to the Bay of Pigs. They believed that Kennedy was going to help them take the island back from Castro and the help did not materialize. They have held it against the Democrats ever since. But while the Batistianos went Republican and a lot of their children did as well, their grandchildren have begun to leave the Republican party behind. Not as many as we would like but at least it is a start.

        • mailman27

          Batista=Cuban Trump

          • miss_grundy

            Trump is a trust fund baby. Batista was not. He came up the hard way and wanted to stay in power no matter what. There was a magazine in Cuba called “Bohemia”. It was a cross between Life magazine and Time magazine. It reported on politics, society, celebrity gossip, the arts, etc. They would always publish photos of the latest Batista enemy who was killed and their body dumped on the street as a message to people. I wouldn’t put it past Trump to be more like Batista, an authoritarian thug but then, he would rather be like that white guy in Russia, Putin.

    • rosenbomb

      White people are projected to make up less than half of the population by 2050. The Republican long game is to disenfranchise voters and/or deport them rather than do any outreach.

      The mind reels.

      • Red Bird

        Outreach? It’s amazing how far you will get by just being nice.

      • miss_grundy

        Don’t forget Michigan. There are too many uninformed, bigoted, racist people in this state.

    • eastcoastlib

      Trump doesn’t need to get every Hispanic. Just enough idiots in places like Florida, PA, Ohio and Wis. Unfortunately, those states are currently running a surplus of stupid.

    • Panika MCD

      one of the two Hispanic Republicans in the TX state house has said he’s not running for another term…and I really like the dude. I hope it’s because he’s going to try to primary the state senator from his area…who happens to be the one who broke the table at one of the abortion hearings.

      • Red Bird

        Hey. Do you know anything about the windstorm bill? Also too, why did the SOS tell people not to send help?

        • Panika MCD

          a) are you talking about thr insurance bill? HB1774?

          b) that is not what SOS said. he said that the proper contact was DPS, provided the contact number and said, “thoughts and prayers would also be helpful.”

          • Red Bird

            a) yes
            b) ok thanks for clearing that up. I thought he was stupid.

          • Panika MCD

            it makes it harder for people to settle their claims and puts a cap on interest for structured settlements. SBOT has more info, but if you didn’t file your claim before 9/1 then I hope your insurance company is really cool.

          • Red Bird

            I did it on September 1st. :

          • Panika MCD

            let me dig up the info I have.

          • Panika MCD

            there’s a google doc on my FacePlant. can’t read or share it on my phone, but it has info on filing with both your insurance company and FEMA. you think you can find it? (almost all of my posts are public and it’s not like there are many Panikas.

          • Red Bird

            I don’t do FB. But I’ll do a Google and see what I can find.

        • shivaskeeper

          As for sending material help to any disaster, there are a host of logistics issues. Not the least of which include having to pay to ship goods to the affected region, then storing and distributing those goods, and getting g shipments of things you don’t need. Storage is a particular problem when the city you are shipping to has been torn up.

          Also, too sending material goods does nothing to help the local economy. It feels good, for sure, but the people on the ground know what is needed and where to get it locally.

    • miss_grundy

      I’m surprised that there were Hispanics/Latinos in this country that would have voted for this jerk considering his remarks when he announced he was running for the Republican nomination. Any Hispanic/Latino worth his/her salt should never have voted for that piece of garbage.

  • Everrett Fanuelli
  • WomanInThePersistence
  • Jennifer R
  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    You’ve probably already seen this, but just in case. It’s nice to remember what a having a decent human as a president was like.
    https://twitter.com/BarackObama/status/905141484386750469

    • Juan de Fuca

      That was the high point of my day and needs to be shared as often as possible.

    • Thiazin Red

      I can’t see there ever being such a huge difference in quality between one president and the following one again.

    • Panika MCD

      at least he gets to keep the title.

    • CripesAmighty

      Bless Barry’s heart, but this is going nowhere. Who did he think he was addressing? ‘Basic decency’? Might as well try to sell flip-flops to a snake.

      • Serai 1

        He isn’t talking to Twitler, he’s talking to us. He’s trying to hearten people and inspire them to act. Remember, Bamz’s been in the room with that asshole. He knows there’s no point in talking to him.

    • miss_grundy

      This latest stunt by Dolt 45 proves his Obama Derangement Syndrome. If Obama signed it into law, then it has to be rescinded or discarded. If this idiot from Queens were not a trust fund baby he would be selling fake Rolexes to the tourists in Times Square. What a complete waste of a life. Hopefully, Mr. Mueller will ensure that he will be a footnote in history and his name will forever be associated with a Dumpster.

  • Thiazin Red

    I’m about 80% done with a sweater I’m knitting, but I can’t stand to look at it anymore. So until I can bring myself to look at it again I’m making an ombre effect scarf. That should take a couple weeks and by then I’ll be re-motivated to finish the other thing.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Put this on as mood music when you do.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LHQqqM5sr7g

      • Thiazin Red

        I think I would legit punch someone who unraveled it. Its fingering yarn on small needles and its taken for god damned ever to get this close to done.

    • CindyinEncinitas

      That sucks when you start to despise your project. It took me 2 years to hand quilt a quilt my grandmother had started and never finished. About 2 months before I was done I began to really hate it.

  • WomanInThePersistence

    Just saying, I am not a bright shining beam of sunshine today. Thanks for bearing with me.

    https://youtu.be/Gg-HNSJoo7M

  • Mr. Blobfish

    St. John USVI is the most beautiful place I’ve been. If/when I go full hermit I will have a one way ticket to there. I’m guessing somewhere on the West side of the island for times such as this.

    • My go to getaway for years has been Jost van Dyke. A (not so) secret little campground with a community kitchen and honor bar. BVI for the traveller on a budget.

      • Courser_Resistance

        Just went to my happy place in South Park last week for 4 days. Middle of nowhere at 11,000 ft. My only company was a few range cows and their calves.

  • Panika MCD

    do you guys have any idea how many dog crates and 50 lb bags of dog food I had to move today just to get a start on organizing all the cat food in that damn warehouse (which was kindly donated to APA! by the property owner)?

    • Bobathonic

      Imma guess AOT,K.

      • Panika MCD

        I am pooped and someone needs to come walk these crazy dogs.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          If I didn’t live a gazillion miles away from you, I’d be there in a heartbeat. And thank you so much for being the awesome person you are.

          • Panika MCD

            tell Johnatx, Walter and/or Werewolf that one of them has a job to do NOW!

          • marxalot

            where’s Usedtabeyellerdog when you need him?

          • Panika MCD

            is he in ATX?

          • marxalot

            He was the last time I saw him, solid gig with UT too, so probably still is.

          • Panika MCD

            I live in the University area. tell him he needs to walk my dogs more if you see him.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      We send solar Lucky Cat to bring great fortune for your tireless efforts on behalf of our furry friends.

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/da5b385b6b70f59ad1c5606009d20700553539fe84a550fd53a0b630460f3018.gif

    • bookish

      I’m babysitting the Great Dane and Pembroke Corgi for a couple of months. He keeps trying to nurture and tend to her but Ms. Shortshit isn’t having it. He’s not her real dad. He just wanders around looking sadly patient and perplexed, but continues to make the effort.

  • Picabo

    Today in history, 1957.
    “On September 5, 1957, New York Times writer Gilbert Millstein gives a rave review to “On the Road,” the second novel (hardly anyone had read the first) by a 35-year-old Columbia dropout named Jack Kerouac. “Jack went to bed obscure,” Kerouac’s girlfriend told a reporter, “and woke up famous.”
    http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history/the-new-york-times-gives-on-the-road-a-rave-review

    • yyyaz

      A roman-a-clef cum druggie travelogue that needed to be written in the ’50s, but still way overrated as literature.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Oh, shove it…

      • guppy06

        “Cum druggie?”

      • Serai 1

        Never been able to make it past the first couple of pages. Holy shit, was that guy insufferable.

  • UnsaltedSinner

    Oh, so now you’re going to tell me Donald Trump isn’t really Superman either?
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b4435c01cb2eaf0123ae2405c7acada408099ba00f46246c4dc781deda287237.jpg

  • Fifth-and-a-Half Element

    And now for something completely different:

    https://youtu.be/yzi3k7K0lFA

    • gallbladder

      Classic.

  • SisterArtemis

    While I’ve been working this afternoon, three of my old friends have been having a Bernie-Hillary fight on my facebook page. Oh, the things that go on while I’m away from my timeline…. I posted the image below (still a good one, I think) of a page from Hill’s new book, and the Hillary bashing began. She stole his ideas. She’s trashing the base. She’s untrustworthy. But her emails/speeches/goldwater/sellout. The Dems suck. Bernie woulda shoulda coulda…. thankfully, my one very sensible Hillary-supporter friend has taken up the fight, as I was both too pissed at the Berniebots hijacking my post, and them missing the point of both Hillary’s writing, and my post. *sigh*

    Still, I think this is an interesting passage, and I look forward to reading her analysis of What Happened.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ff1cd2e0eba5f29e91509228f6d007b56fb8b4de8dd6a51bec07db194528871c.jpg

    • Thiazin Red

      Sadly accurate.

    • jesterpunk
      • Thiazin Red

        And you can ask the people who are still harping on speeches now to name one single thing that she changed positions on because of donors, and they just go on about Wall Street Bad.

        • jesterpunk

          “She took money from wall street/companies so anything she will ever do is bad.”

          They use the same exact argument for anyone not Bernie approved.

          • Thiazin Red

            I could never run because I would end up saying that finance isn’t inherently evil and neither are pharmaceutical companies.

          • jesterpunk

            You have a nuanced view of things and dont automatically call things evil? That will never win with the Bernie Bros.

          • Truthiness2U

            Because Bernie was given “pharma” money as well. $264,969 in 2015-2016. Of course one could then argue that wasn’t from companies, but people who work for that industry. Of course that nuance is only allowed to Bernie. No one else, ever! Everyone else is unclean!

            Only Bernie is pure, despite being given “pharma” money, or money from SuperPacs, like say a Hillary SuperPac (just saying).

      • Joe Beese

        I look forward to people complaining about Bernie for as long as they’ve complained about Nader – i.e. forever.

        • jesterpunk

          Nader wasn’t as bad, he didnt pretend to join the democratic party then leave once he lost then somehow get to appoint party leaders and decide the party platform while still trashing democrats.

        • motherseer

          They should. Fuck Nader. I idolized him in high school, and then 30 years later he runs a vanity campaign and throws the election to Bush, resulting in the deaths of hundreds of thousands of innocent people through an unnecessary ego-driven war. Not to mention tanking dealing with climate change because Big Oil buddies. Criticizing people for “complaining” about Nader is damn close to criticizing people for “complaining” about Hitler.

          • spangled

            alright hitler talk is a bit far.

            however, the more “we’ve reached the point of no return re:global warming” articles I read, the more i wonder about how fundamentally better off the planet would be if gore had won and the “green party” had fucked off

          • WomanInThePersistence

            A boatload. Duh.

    • Panika MCD

      I’d like to know why Bernie hasn’t leveraged his YOOOOOGE small dollar donation machine to raise money for flood and fire victims yet….should the Berniebots care to be fucking useful for once.

    • Juan de Fuca

      *Hillary references a scene from There’s Something About Mary in her book.*

      “She’s out of touch with regular people!” – Dipshit’s everywhere

      • tomamitai

        Nothing says “in touch” like referencing an 18 year old movie.

        • Juan de Fuca

          Me and most of my coworkers must be “out of touch” then, because we still reference that 18 yr old movie.

          Wait! Unless we’re not the ones who are out of touch? Maybe?

          Sit down…

          https://youtu.be/tvTRZJ-4EyI

          • tomamitai

            I’m an old, so I’m out of touch too, also, but I know that about myself, and I try not to make it worse by attempting to reach out to the younglings and prove that I’m “hep”. They say “hep” now, don’t they? Didn’t it come back in style, along with bell bottom trousers and Earth shoes?

        • grindstone

          Movies I regularly reference:
          All About Eve
          Office Space
          Pulp Fiction
          Office Space
          Sunset Boulevard
          The Sandlot
          The Incredibles
          any of the Marx Brothers movies.

    • bookish

      You know what? I just don’t care. Woman has a right to write anything she wants. She’s a private citizen now and doesn’t owe anybody anything.

  • gallbladder

    In other news, Hurricane Irma is a liberal hoax (it’s true!) http://www.rawstory.com/2017/09/rush-limbaugh-suggests-hurricane-irma-is-a-liberal-hoax/

    • Joe Beese

      It is not clear what Limbaugh meant by “official meteorological circles.” Perhaps this is a reference to people who have studied meteorology and are experts in the field.

      • mackafritz

        What do people who study meteors know about weather anyway?

        • yyyaz

          And with all the herpetologists, how come we haven’t eradicated herpes?

          • mailman27

            Bite me:)

      • bookish

        You know, elites who look down on real Americans.

    • jowgajen

      Well, anyone who believes Rush Limbaugh over their local weatherman and local government is free to be the next to flunk natural selection.

    • Raan

      If we end up losing the house in this hurricane, I will personally shove rubble down his throat until he shits splinters.

      No, I’m not going to “with votes” this. He needs to shut the fuck up and crawl back into whatever hole he came from.

    • jesterpunk
      • I love that book

        • jesterpunk

          All of his books are really good but that has to be one of the better titles, I am really tempted to get his new book and Hillary’s for myself for my birthday.

      • Three Finger Salute

        The funny thing is, even if Rush lost 100 pounds, he’d just be a skinny idiot.

    • ltmcdies
  • Bananas Foster

    I got an envelope from “Nielsen.” They may want to use me for a “TV survey.”

    There were two one dollar bills included.

    I finally got my Soros cash.

    • mackafritz

      Don’t spend it all in one place.

      • Bananas Foster

        I have to launder it first!

        • Thiazin Red

          Two dollars isn’t even enough to do a load of laundry here.

          • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

            Can’t ride the bus. Need another fifty cents.

          • Bananas Foster

            But it will get me 100 fast food tacos!

          • mancityRed6

            wash, but air dry

          • Thiazin Red

            Not even small load wash, thats 2.25.

          • mancityRed6

            good lord, $1.75 at my complex.

      • hammstring

        Unless it’s a donation to re-elect th’Rump

    • mancityRed6

      I got one of those letters once, about 6 years ago.
      we didn’t have cable.
      I kept the money.

    • BadKitty904

      You should riot.

    • Thiazin Red
      • Three Finger Salute

        Lane Meyer libelz.

    • Joe Beese

      Damn. Back in the 70s, we only got a quarter.

    • Three Finger Salute

      You got an envelope from Nielsen?

      FRANK DREBIN LIVES!

      http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/naked_gun_frank_drebin.jpg

  • AJ Milne

    Keep the Dreamers. Deport Trump.

    • Michael R

      5 million people surrounding the White House chanting this until it happens .

  • Serai 1
    • BadKitty904

      “What People Did Before Netflix”

    • Angela Ruzzo

      I am trying to imagine doing this to my cat, and wondering how long the cat would tolerate it. One second? Two?

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Orangefinger
    He’s the man, the man with the reverse-Midas touch

  • Michael R
  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • jowgajen

      I’m on there like 10 or 12 times.

      • mancityRed6

        you really need to step up your game.

      • Joe Beese

        I stopped counting after 8.

      • Steve Cole

        drink!

    • BadKitty904

      Say, who’s he calling a “potty-mouth”?!?1?

      • Amy!

        Yeah, what the fuck is up with that shit? And goddamn, blasphemers too?

      • Msgr_MΩment

        The porn-loving masturbators?

        • BadKitty904

          Ew.

    • spangled

      tag yourself i’m “jewelry worshippers”

      also, “money-hungry career pursuers”? y’all can just say joel osteen.

    • Michael R

      I have power over you because I can make up scary nonsense .

      • CindyinEncinitas

        Because I talk to God, goddammit!

    • Bananas Foster

      That sign makes me feel really productive.

      I didn’t realize how much I do!

    • marxalot

      Sounds like a heckuva part when we get there, y’all. Laissez les bon temps roulet and all that.

    • BadKitty904

      Money-hungry career pursuers“?

      If Hell is filled with Republicans, I’m not going!

      • mancityRed6

        but that hot tub of lava will be ever so much better with [fill in name here] beside me.

    • TJ Barke

      So if you’re not boring as fuck, you’re bound for hell…

      • Three Finger Salute

        Even teetotaling and rejecting relationships won’t save me, apparently. I still think and read too much. I also like apples. Not nudity or sex, or drugs or booze anything you have to present an 18+ ID card to do, but damn if I didn’t enjoy a good episode of “321 Contact” when I was a kid. I suppose that makes me a filthy communist too, because PBS used to be public. Now it’s run by the money-hungry career-pursuing prideful scoffers known as Koch Inc.

        • mancityRed6

          you monster

    • ltmcdies

      we will be in fine company….

    • mancityRed6

      I got 25. what’s your high score?

      • tomamitai

        Only 11. Maybe I’ll get to go to purgatory?

        • mancityRed6

          Kansas it is.

          • AJ Milne

            That’s gotta violate like sixty international conventions.

          • mancityRed6

            you know it.

      • Raan

        Ten here, if accidentally​ shoplifting counts.

      • AJ Milne

        You got me by one.

        Could sign up for Buddhism for the weekend or somethin’, I guess.

        • mancityRed6

          I had a Koran once, does that count?
          also “thankless idolaters”, I didn’t count that one. it’s a kind of center square thing.

          • AJ Milne

            I could stretch to 28, mebbe, with some of that creative accounting… Speaking of, am I still a whore if I didn’t give receipts?

            … also I’ve a digital Koran somewhere, pretty definitely, but pretty sure no, that doesn’t count. Unless you really want Mohammed to spin in his grave fast enough to tunnel into the core.

          • mancityRed6

            you’re cool. I’m good with you.still, weekend’s coming. I’m looking for a blackout.

      • Amy!

        Fifteen, maybe sixteen.

        • mancityRed6

          it takes work. especially the partying. but I know you can do it. I have faith in you.

          • Amy!

            Idolator!

          • mancityRed6

            you are too kind.

      • Mr. Blobfish

        Boo. Hiss. I only got 19. Fake news.

        • mancityRed6

          there’s hope for you, you just need to party harder.

        • CindyinEncinitas

          Do a cuss or something.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        26, but I counted immodest and rebellious women as 2.

        • mancityRed6

          as you should
          they deserve to be counted twice.

    • Steve Cole

      “immodest and rebellious women” you say?

      • Beanz&Berryz

        uppity for short…

        • Steve Cole

          Oh, I misunderstood “immodest”. Never mind.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            ohhh.. boastful or flashy?

          • Steve Cole

            Why not both?

        • Rick Hill

          You forgot to add “bitch”

      • Bananas Foster

        Line starts behind me.

      • Three Finger Salute

        How come immodest women go to hell, but so do women wearing hijab?

        Wow, Republicans are a special kind of quantum Schrodinger’s stupid.

    • Juan de Fuca

      At least all of the “Mark ass marks, trick ass marks, punk bitches and skip scap skanks and skallywags, hoes, heffers, hee haws and hoolie hoos” are on solid ground.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      How does one wear that sign without being a bitter person or a prideful scoffer? Quell moran…

    • Bananas Foster

      For some reason all the misplaced apostrophes are bugging me way more than they should considering the general content of the sign.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Misplaced or extraneous?

        • OutOfOrbit

          spell check sez extraanus

    • Moebym of the Returners

      Let’s see: lesbian, manly woman, God mocker, bible-skeptic, atheist, evolutionist, pro-choicer.

      Just seven. I’m slacking.

      • mancityRed6

        you really need to get out there and enjoy life to the fullest.

      • Three Finger Salute

        [x] Atheist
        [x] God mocker
        [x] Bible skeptic
        [x] Evolutionist
        [x] Parent-hater*
        [x] Pro-choicer**
        [x] Potty mouth
        [x] Jewish ancestry
        [x] Thief***
        [x] Bitter person****

        *: Not sure if he means all parents, parentage as a concept, or just your own parents. I despise my father and feel bad for my mother — but in general, I think overpopulation is a problem for the environment and something needs to be done to start drawing down the numbers.

        **: Controversially, per note 1, I’m not pro-choice in certain circumstances where the life of the future not-yet “child” will be adversely affected by just being born at all. Disabilities and bad parents shouldn’t be allowed to breed and I’m my first example of why.

        ***: Does internet piracy count as “thief”?

        ****: I’m a bitter misanthrope for all these reasons and more. We’re all that “fuck you” swimming cat today, myself included.

        • mancityRed6

          *looks at legally downloaded dvds, all 100 or so of them*
          yes, yes it does.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        The scouting report said you were a slow starter. Now get out there and make us proud! Get blackout drunk and slap someone, kid!

        • Moebym of the Returners

          I’ll get someone to hook me up with some mary jane. And you’re right – that alcohol in the house won’t drink itself.

    • Rick Hill

      Well, hell. That’s a description of every christian I’ve ever met. Every. One.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Pornless masturbators look safe…

    • Edith Prickly

      So I’m going to hell times 19? First time in my life that I’ve been an overachiever.

    • Mildred Broxon

      Looks like an invitation list to an interesting party.

      • SpideySenser

        “I want rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggers,bushwackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ‘butt’-kickers, and Methodist.”

    • Red Bird

      Hah. It says bitter people but they’re still wearing the sign.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        Ding ding ding! And we have a winner!

    • Thiazin Red

      You know, I kind of admire the dedication to continue going after rock and roll. Its something people’s grandparents listened to and people generally consider quaint and relatively innocent.

      • mancityRed6
      • Beanz&Berryz

        And the hip swaying went the way of Elvis…

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        Did he include dancing? That’s generally hated by rock haters. Also inter racial dating. I suppose it’s implied.

    • Thiazin Red

      So heaven has like 6 people in it right?

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Sounds like heavens a really boring place.

      • OutOfOrbit

        well the big sky Dog forgives all that shit among his chosen busyboddies

    • OutOfOrbit

      i ran out of breath at the half-way point.

    • Sophia

      I think the writer put himself on the list “bitter people”

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      Ugh! This list is misleading and incomplete. He forgot to add left handed people who are the WORST!

      • everstar

        Left-handed people are certainly the most sinister.

        • H0mer0

          [remember to tip your waitress]

          • everstar

            I can’t help it: I’ve been trained from birth to lunge at that low-hanging fruit.

        • Msgr_MΩment

          Dexter?

      • OutOfOrbit

        are you lefthanded too?!

        • Ms.MLG on Maui

          No, I’m a bitter whore with a potty mouth.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            All right thinking people are. I’m also rebellious.

          • OutOfOrbit

            me a lefty & bet your sweet & nice in real life

          • Ms.MLG on Maui

            That’s true! ;)

        • CindyinEncinitas

          Yes. And I have been drunk and I have a tattoo.

          • OutOfOrbit

            now i must–i MUST!–ask: Where is it?

          • CindyinEncinitas

            My ass, of course.

          • OutOfOrbit

            ah

      • jesterpunk

        Wait whats wrong with being left handed?

        • Panika MCD

          the Holey Babel says they’s possessed!

          • jesterpunk

            Damn, I didnt even get any cool super powers with that. All I got was smeared writing anytime I try and write anything.

          • Three Finger Salute

            Comes from the Latin, “sinister” means left-side and also evil. Per the Biblical notion of Christ being seated at the “right hand” of the Father, and also supposedly God having crafted Samael (the fallen angel) with his left hand. The term “devil’s advocate” comes from the fact that the accused defendant sits on the left side of the courtroom facing the judge. His lawyer is advocating for the “sinister” side. This is still the case in most, if not all, courtrooms in the Western world today, a vestige of when the law was based entirely on scripture.

            Some political conservatives are aware of the Latin translation and will refer to liberal or social-democratic parties, and/or their members and ideological supporters, as “the sinister party” because they are on the “left” (or at least left of the conservatives, even if considered “centrist”). Very common in the U.S. among rank-and-file Republicans (where there is no viable third-party, thus you’re either on the left or the right).

            Furthermore, in Canada, where additionally, the “blue and red” are swapped vs. their southern neighbor, the Conservatives’ color is blue, intended to represent heaven and a cultureo f “righteousness” (“true blue Tories”); the Liberals’ (formerly “Grits”) color is red, which they intend to represent the blood and effort of struggle for equality — but which the Conservatives turn around and pejoratively refer to as the party of hell. The designation of the color red associated with communism only further added to the accusation of the Liberals being “sinister,” a smear that still perpetuates to this day. Particularly with the name “Trudeau” attached to the party.

          • Covfefe

            Also too, the color red is associated with Redcoats, which is why, to this day, American military maps, the positions of friendly forces are marked in blue and the positions of enemy forces are marked in red.

        • Ms.MLG on Maui

          People used to believe that being left-handed meant you were more likely to sin, or cavort with the devil, or some other such nonsense.

        • CindyinEncinitas

          We’re so gauche!

    • mailman27

      Heaven for climate, Hell for society.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Potty mouths… where the FUCK does it say in the fucking Bibble that you can’t say fuck if you’re not talking about fucking God?

    • Werewolf

      Christ-rejecting Jews, eh?

    • Thiazin Red

      Speaking of though, I finally got around to watching The Good Place, and it was awesome. I’m curious what they’re going to do for season 2. The other three non Kristen Bell leads are great and I really hope they get some good offers out of the show.

      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        Yeah, I enjoyed that one too. Casting is quite good.

    • Shanzgood

      It’s always whores first.

      • OutOfOrbit

        their the best

        • mancityRed6

          I would say “they’re” but grammar nazi isn’t on the approved list apparently

          • Panika MCD

            that falls under one or more of the following:

            bitter people
            merciless devils
            prideful scoffers
            thankless idolators
            sin-friendly heresy teachers

          • mancityRed6

            crap, did I say 25? I misunderestimated myself.

          • CindyinEncinitas

            Irregardless, you should continue. And such as.

          • mancityRed6

            the day isn’t over yet.

          • monoglot

            I am so adopting “thankless idolator” as my new nickname.

            And would thankful idolators fare better under the entrance requirements to heaven? Is it the thankless part, the idolator part, or is it one of those thorny Serious Theology questions that has been debated since the Reformation?

            And if one is a thankless idolator, is it all idols one thinks unworthy of thanks, or is it AOTK?

          • grindstone

            I think I’m now “Grindstone, Immodest and Rebellious Woman”. Fear me, of god-botherers!

          • OutOfOrbit

            no it snot

      • mancityRed6

        hell yes!

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Unicorns aren’t on the list. I hope I can make it in on just the pot-smoking and the sodomy.

      • Panika MCD

        but then who will look after the virgins?

        • Kiri the Unicorn

          I’m sure they can find someone else to sodomize them.

    • jesterpunk

      Dirty Dancers? Nobody puts Baby in the corner.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l9BbUqHrWFI

      • grindstone

        Well, maybe, but I had the time of my life.

    • Charon_69

      Sin Bingo!

      • SnarkON

        Guilty as charged.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      I’m going for alcohol-drinker, and goddammed blasphemer.

      eta- also immodest and rebelling woman. So many options!

    • jesterpunk

      Doesn’t the bible say something about those without sin casting the first stone and not judging people?

    • mancityRed6

      post of the day.

    • Thiazin Red

      I do need clarification on some of these.

      What qualifies as a manly woman? Is wearing pants sufficient?

      How much jewelry exactly do I need to qualify as a jewelry worshiper?

      Please provide some examples of prideful scoffing. I’m pretty sure I qualify but I should check.

      • Steve Cole

        “Manly Woman” – do you have an adams apple and bad attitude like Anne Coulter? If so, you might be a “manly woman”.

      • mancityRed6

        can you beat up the person with the sign?

    • Panika MCD

      I personally think the people who have no pets, wear pants outside of necessity or who use the dreaded sock/sandals combo are the ones bound for hell.

      • mancityRed6

        well, two out of three ain’t bad.

      • eastcoastlib

        True story. Many years ago, my friend and I were walking along Columbus Ave early one Sunday morning on our way to play basketball at the local Y. Along comes this hulking figure wearing checked Bermuda shorts, a wife beater and sandals with black socks. As we got closer to him, we realized it was Rodney Dangerfield. I hope he’s in heaven because even god needs a good laugh once in a while.

      • Lord Jim

        “or who use the dreaded sock/sandals combo”

        Oopsie. I’m a goner. :P

    • Only the merciless devils? The merciful devils are OK?

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      Where are his pants?

    • ariel_gee_398

      Why are apostrophes so challenging to wingnuts? And why does he get it wrong on only three list items?

      • SnarkON

        Blame the Jehovah’s Witness’.

        • CindyinEncinitas

          They fuck everything up. Whoops! I did something bad there, didn’t I?

      • Thiazin Red

        That and ellipses, I’ve seen so many posts by conservatives where they consistently use ellipses instead of periods. Its so fucking weird.

        • CindyinEncinitas

          You mean “dot-dot-dot” right?

          • Thiazin Red

            Yes, they’ll write a paragraph like this…Instead of using periods to end their sentences, they use the dots…I have no idea where it came from, but I’ve seen it a lot recently…

          • CindyinEncinitas

            And they don’t know the words ellipses, exclamation point, period or asterisk any more, either. Now it’s dot-dot-dot, star, dot and bang.

    • CindyinEncinitas

      Does “immodest and rebellious women” count as two? I’m losing track.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      This reminds me of something that happened to my brother when he was 6 and in Catholic school. They had to draw a picture illustrating one of the 10 Commandments, and he drew a little boy with a balloon coming out of his mouth containing the words “God Damn!” The nun sent him to the principal’s office and he was spanked for using bad language. Hey Mom! Thank you thank you thank you for not sending me to that school.

      • SnarkON

        If I were your mom I would have laughed my ass off, bought your little brother a cake, and framed his drawing.

        • Angela Ruzzo

          He didn’t tell her for years. Those nasty nuns were always telling the kids that suffering Removed a Thorn From Jesus’ Crown On The Cross, and they had to suffer in silence, or else spend 3,278,569 years in Purgatory.

      • janecita

        My son’s CCD teacher was teaching him about creation and he said, “I can’t believe that you have never heard about the Big Bang, and evolution!”

        • Angela Ruzzo

          Good boy! I remember being taught about plate tectonics in 5th grade (1966), and the teacher said it was just a hypothesis. I started laughing, ’cause my father had explained it all to me two years earlier, and you could look at any map of the world and see it must be true.

      • Opalescent Riddles

        I did the one on adultery. It was problematic.

    • SnarkON

      Thankfully, the Grammar Gods will strike down this clown for his monstrous apostrophe abuse.

    • Brian Fowler

      Sheeeiiiit, is ANYONE allowed in Heaven?

      • CindyinEncinitas

        Not according to my sin-friendly heresy teacher. She said it’s just going to be one long party after we die.

      • Just him, apparently. Alone on an empty plain ranting at the void for all eternity.

        Wait. That’s not “Heaven”. It’s the other place.

      • jowgajen

        Well I’m thinking the sign holder has some issues in this regard as well. Certainly “prideful scoffers” “two-faced church members” and likely some others they’d never mention in the “porn-loving masturbators” area.

      • Juan de Fuca

        The guy who wears a tie like that, apparently.

        • I’m pretty sure that Leviticus specifically speaks against polyester ties. It is an abomination that must be cast out.

        • Skeptical_thinker

          That tie is a sin.

      • AJ Milne

        Standard/ancient joke: the perfect* person who goes to heaven…

        … anyway, he gets there, and the standard glowing bearded deity shows up, says, hey, guy, great to have you here, what can I do for you?

        Guy says, well, what with all the self-denial, I’d really like a nice meal…

        … God serves him a tuna fish sandwich…

        Guy’s disappointed. Says, geez, man, this is _heaven_. This is the best you can do?

        God sez: well, ya know how hard it is to cook for one.

        (*Christians who actually know this stuff, hush, it’s not about the theology, it’s about the punchline.)

        • Lord Jim

          No worries. :)

      • Covfefe

        Joel Osteen is selling tickets. Supply is limited. Get yours today.

        • Brian Fowler

          If that means spending eternity with HIM, I’d rather take my chances with the rest of you.

    • eastcoastlib

      Hindu’s, Buddhists, gangster rappers and Christ rejecting Jews go into a bar…..

      • yyyaz

        …. and all heaven breaks out.

    • If there turns out to be a Heaven (oops, there’s the skepticism coming out), and it’s like this guy believes, and none of the people on that list get to go, I’m gosh darn glad I won’t be going.

    • wait! what?

      I only “like” porn when I masturbate. I’m not ready to love again.

    • janecita

      Basically, the Amish are the only ones going to heaven. Good to know, now pass that joint while I drink my wine, and watch my porn.

    • eastcoastlib

      Schooled in theology by a nine year old boy.

      https://philanthropyfactory.com/2012/11/28/god-hates-no-one/

    • It really seems like his use of adjectives leaves quite a number of loopholes.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      It must be asked – where did you find this picture?

    • mancityRed6

      stolen for my facespace.
      I have a record to uphold.

    • Lord Jim

      Masturbators. Pro-choicers. Rock ‘n’ rollers…

      Welp. I’m done for.

      :)

    • Actually there’s only one thing on that list that Jesus himself said prohibits you from entering heaven.

      And I guarantee you, 100% of Christians have done it and are ABSOLUTELY NOT going to heaven, “according to Jesus” himself!!!

      “Blasphemy”. 😁

      I promise you that any of the sinful things you say or do can be forgiven, no matter how terrible those things are. But if you speak against the Holy Spirit, you can never be forgiven. That sin will be held against you forever.”
      Mark 3:28-29

    • Calling BS as us gingers are not on the list

    • SpideySenser

      Oh hell, that’s my “short” list.

  • Joe Beese
    • mailman27

      Who ever knew that “hippo” and “cute” would be in the same sentence. Let alone the same clause.

    • Amy!

      Is that a pee-propelled baby hippo? Or is that just a streak of color in the background?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      I’ve never seen a hippo balloon being blown up by someone not using his hands. Bra. Vo.

  • Apparently Sen Harris is gonna be on with Lawrence tonight

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Even Al Franken seemed wtf with Tweety tonight.

      • janecita

        Al Franken was doing what I wish I could do.

  • Ryan Denniston
  • Covfefe

    I know. They peed on the bed, not on the perpetually dry Donald.

  • Joe Beese

    For our imperiled Dreamers:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ViLUHyil6w

  • Red Bird

    I made cheese biscuits from scratch using a family recipe. And I went easy on the salt this time so they’re good. Yeah!

    • Bananas Foster

      It puts the biscuits in my mouth….

    • Angela Ruzzo

      I had a friend who made beer biscuits. S-O-O-O good.

    • OutOfOrbit

      did you slice or shread the family recipe before stirring in?

      • SnarkON

        Oh, SNAP.

      • Red Bird

        LOL. Only sharp cheddar cheese.

    • SnarkON

      Cheesebiscuit was the lesser-known running mate of Seabiscuit.

    • Courser_Resistance

      I should do that.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Today I made flour tortillas and salsa from scratch (lots of salsa, for canning). The tortillas were pretty bad, TBH. I used a new recipe and i think it called for too much water. I’d have rather had cheese biscuits.

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        My Mom used to make the best flour tortillas. I have powerful cravings for Mom Tacos. No other taco will do.

      • Red Bird

        I’m not good at flour tortillas either. I buy them.

  • sosuume
    • Everrett Fanuelli

      FAKE NEWS! PBS LIBRUL LIEZ! I’M GONNA SIT HERE AND DRINK MY BEER IN THIS KIDDIE POOL!

    • Weather nerd!

    • Joe Beese
      • OutOfOrbit

        that’s fine

        • Joe Beese

          I’m sure the free market will step in with more efficient solutions.

          • spangled

            get rescued TODAY for just 5 easy payments of $999.99!!

          • Rebel Scum with permit

            Not including tax, license, or mileage fees.

          • Lord Jim

            Offer void where offered.

      • ariel_gee_398

        Not to mention the flood insurance program. But what are the chances that’ll have more claims to pay out after Irma?

      • Courser_Resistance

        Yeah, Repukes have cut its funding to the bone over the last 6 – 8 years. We can’t even get funding for Citizen Corps programs anymore. I’m a CERT instructor but there’s no funding for the basic supplies. Without them, there’s not much point in offering the course.

      • Anna Rompage

        Maybe they can sell off some of those Wal Mart FEMA reeducation camps…

    • Covfefe

      Good thing we don’t have global warming. This storm is bad enough without global warming.

      • Three Finger Salute

        I know, global warming is about as real as comments on Wonkette.

    • ariel_gee_398

      This guy works at the National Hurricane Center. Not comforting words.
      https://twitter.com/TTrogdon/status/905205124699750401

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        At this point, even if it bumps a bit in one direction or another, it will affect the gulf coast or the Carolinas.

      • yyyaz

        He could polish up his vocabulary by watching “The Day After Tomorrow” a coupla-three times.

      • jesterpunk

        Shit, look at the replies there are other hurricanes forming behind Irma on the same path.

      • Global warming isn’t real. It’s just something Al Gore made up. This can’t be happening. Both Florida and Texas voted for Trump. Surely, God won’t let this happen to Trump voters, right?

        Wait.

        What if God is fake, but Man-made Global Warming is real?

        Oh oh.

        • SayItWithWookies

          As the saying goes, The LORD fucks those who fuck themselves.

    • C4TWOMAN

      Fuuuuuuuuuck.

    • Canis Greyhame

      This might be an excellent time to go visit Califor… what? The entire west coast is basically on fire? … shit.

      • C4TWOMAN

        Still better than a hurricane. Just stay on the west side of the mountains or near the coast.

      • Jonny On Maui

        Try a little further west…

    • Pinkham’s Law

      I . . . think I need to turn the tv on.

    • Juan de Fuca

      Wishing positive thoughts for the people living on those beautiful, yet isolated islands. This thing is a beast. People in south Florida – please take heed and start planning an evac. Sleeping in a cheap motel or even your car far inland sounds like a better option then going through this one. Those family members you can’t stand or haven’t spoken to in years – suck it up and start reaching out.

  • Panika MCD

    the people who shared that photo do realize that Tsarina Von Clownstick has no pets (which is VERY weird for a preznit) and would in pretty much every case never handle someone else’s pets, right?

    • Bananas Foster

      I’ve always thought that the very wealthy, the very famous and the very powerful (and combinations of such) need a pet.

      They need the presence of one being who doesn’t give a fuck.

      • Panika MCD

        there’s also a long history of presidents being more relatable because of their pets. remember the Barney Xmas videos from the Shrub administration?

        • C4TWOMAN

          Even Hitler’s PR people had videos of him enjoying the bucolic life, with a couple of dogs. I’m not sure if they were his pets, but the image was important.

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        They have germs. Von Clownstick won’t have that

        • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

          Trump hates germs. To him, they are competition.

      • SpideySenser
        • Jonny On Maui

          That’s not a pet, that’s an accessory…

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Doesn’t Donald have a pet in his penthouse?

      • janecita

        Is that what we are calling, money hungry, social climbing hookers now?

        • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

          My own father played the game. I just don’t understand why some older men, I mean, I get it, but I don’t.

        • Beanz&Berryz

          “Trump pre-wives”

          • Jonny On Maui

            “Trump pee-wives”

            Cuz you know he wants ’em…

      • jesterpunk

        That was in the locker rooms.

      • jowgajen

        I don’t think it’s cool to refer to Melania or Baron that way.

        • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

          I’m not referring to Baron. Melania is a grown person. And as for the role she said she would perform in the administration, all she can do is show for photo ops.

          Donald’s other three kids are also just property.

          • jowgajen

            I was being snarky, didn’t mean to imply you were saying that.

          • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

            No worries. I will admit to feeling very stabby today. I am watching our Denver schoolchildren march out of classes with teachers and principals behind them. Those poor kids are scared but fearless

          • Résistance Land Shark Ω

            Your comment, scared but fearless, struck a chord. That’s what we all need to aspire to.

      • Panika MCD

        nope!

      • Panika MCD

        wives aren’t pets and neither are children no matter what he tries to convince himself of.

        • Lord Jim

          Nor are wives children. There seems to be some confusion among a few men on this matter.

    • jesterpunk

      Even R Money had a dog, sure he left him on the roof for long trips but he had one.

    • Covfefe

      Doesn’t have pets? Some people say that there’s Hope.

      • Panika MCD

        no pets, no hope. can’t have any.

        • Covfefe

          Hicks. Silly.

  • Jeffocaster in the West

    Donnie would get his pants wet for another living being, but unless it is urination on him or some other disgusting faux sex ritual……not likely.

  • H0mer0

    That’s a sweet picture. I knew it couldn’t be Trump because that man’s physique was too well toned and they would have snatched that thing off his head.

    • OppressedMass

      Exactly — that guy has a studly, working-man’s body and no one could mistake him for President Slack Flabby Loser.

    • stubbornirishlass

      Right?! That was the first thing I noticed. Who on earth would fall for this?

  • Picabo

    Born on this date in 1929, Bob Newhart. He was a brilliant stand-up comedian long before his career in television and film. This is my favorite.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EImgHuqQsuk

  • Paperless Tiger

    Not all pussy grabbers are equal.

  • Parakeetist

    I just took a Xanax. I’m north of Tampa. Irma is predicted to hit maybe Saturday. I told my parents that I’m going up to Gainesville on Friday if that looks like it’s going to be true. Oh shit, man. I am terrified.

    • Jonny On Maui

      Please get to a safe area and take care of yourself.

      • Parakeetist

        Thank you.

      • Lord Jim

        ^^^What he said.^^^^

        • Parakeetist

          Thx big time

    • Anna Rompage

      It’s got to be really scary to potentially have your whole world turned upside down.

      Hang in there, make sure to give yourself plenty of time to get out, and hopefully, fingers crossed, this will just be a bad scare…

      • Parakeetist

        Thank you :)

        • Résistance Land Shark Ω

          As a New England Sandy survivor, be prepared. All packed for a few days … kitteh food and bowls … car gassed up … battery chargers for teh phone … and a map of the back roads.

    • Sophia

      If you can do it leave, don’t just think about doing it. Stay safe.

      • Parakeetist

        Thanks

        • Sophia

          I hemmed and hawed over Andrew because they kept changing where it was going to make landfall. If I had it to do over again I would leave. I wasn’t in the eye but I was close enough that it was scary as hell and the days following were no picnic either.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Thinking of you. And hoping you get out as soon as possible. This looks very bad.

      • Parakeetist

        Thank you.

    • bookish

      Red Cross or Salvation Army shelters if can’t scare up some friends.

      • Parakeetist

        Yes, thanks

    • Courser_Resistance

      Please leave sooner rather than later. It’s going to happen. The storm is the size of Ohio. It doesn’t matter where you are in the state, you’re going to get pounded. Also, Gainesville may not be far enough.

  • Joe Beese

    Miami-Dade evacuations ordered for tomorrow.

  • Sophia
    • Panika MCD

      did he just ban Trump from Chicago?

      • Sophia

        Think so. If you’re going to ban Trump’s argle bargle shit the only way to keep it out of your city is to keep trump out of the city.

        • Panika MCD

          but he said, “Chicago is a Trump-free zone.”…???

          • Sophia

            Yea I know, a little hyperbole going on there but I think he’s trying to show that he will do his best to help the Dreamers and trying to give them comfort. May not be able to do it legally but foot dragging has been known to slow things down.

          • Courser_Resistance

            Pretty much the same here in Denver. Local law enforcement is united in NOT cooperating with ICE or giving them free access to the jails. They have to have a fucking judge-signed warrant before anyone is released to them.

            It may cost us a million bucks or so, but that’s being challenged in court. We’ve united with other cities against Cheeto’s policies.

  • wait! what?

    The real “king” of the pussy grabbers.

    https://youtu.be/ImjZ-IcevUg

  • Joe Beese

    My sister in St. Petersburg seems to have her head on straight. Not panicking ahead of necessity but prepared to flee like her life depends on it, which it might.

    Her bug-out plan is to go stay with her in-laws in North Carolina. I just hope she doesn’t get stuck on the highway.

    • Pisto75666

      I’m just near St Petersburg and pretty much doing the same thing. I have water and food (gonna see if I can get more water tomorrow though) and if it gets really bad, I’m gonna go stay with my mom and she’s close to Tampa. Meanwhile, I’m just keeping my eye on the weather reports.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        Please seriously think about evacuating as soon as possible. And stay safe.

      • Up In Smoke O’hontas

        Stay safe. The gulf Coast hasn’t had a solid hit down there for a while, and I fear the infrastructure won’t tolerate a lot of punishment.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        May I say, lovingly, that people are evacuating from Tampa?

      • Courser_Resistance

        Please get out NOW! As in tonight. Otherwise you may get hit while in traffic. Don’t leave it til later. Grab you shit and go. Please.

        • Pisto75666

          If I could, I would. I’m disabled and don’t drive. Though the building I live in is very stable. Like I said, going to wait it out until at least Friday and then take it from there.

          • Courser_Resistance

            Understood. Do you have everything you need? Water, food, plenty of medications? Do you have someone locally you can call to help you get those things?

          • Pisto75666

            I have a bunch of water (going to try to get more tomorrow), and I have a ton of non perishable food in my pantry (tuna and canned food). Luckily the grocery store is right next store so I can get extra things ahead of time so, I should be okay. Not to say I’m still nervous though (I’ve lived in Florida almost 20 years. I was here when we had that rapid bunch of hurricanes: Charlie, Frances, Ivan, and Jeanne. But this is the first time it’s ever been THIS bad)

          • Courser_Resistance

            You rock! Make sure you have a non-electric can opener than you can use. I have arthritic hands so I need one that’s easy to operate.

            Take a deep breath. You’ve got this.

          • Pisto75666

            No worries there, everything I use is either in packs (tuna) or pop top cans (GREATEST thing invented. I hate fighting with can openers!) Only thing is now, I forgot until today I won’t be able to get to the store until later. They’re replacing the hallway flooring in my building and decided on TODAY to work on MY floor, before the Irma decides what she’s doing.

            Thanks so much for all your help and suggestions, Courser. I really appreciate it! *hugs*

          • Courser_Resistance

            Geez, I’m not sure I’d put new floors into anyplace in Florida right now. but fingers crossed!

            Hope you can get everything you need. Hang onto your butt! Take care and stay safe.

          • Pisto75666

            Me either. But, much as I like where I live, logic isn’t their strong suit sometimes.

            Thanks!

    • Raan

      Tell her to try to take Belcher up to Tarpon Springs, and then hit Alt 19 from there.

      • Up In Smoke O’hontas

        That’s good advice, but Alt 19 is only 2 lanes. She might be ok if she leaves after rush hour tonight.
        Forgive me if I should know this, but are you in that neighborhood? My dad is in Tarpon Springs and plans to stick it out…I’m very concerned.

        • Raan

          South of there, down in Largo.

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      When I lived in St. Pete there was one hurricane that I thought was big enough to merit evacuation. We bugged out 1 day ahead of the forecasted landfall. It took us, I shit you not, 8 hours to make it the 15 or so miles over the bridge to Tampa and another 3 hours to get 10 miles to the northern burbs where we hunkered down at a hotel with extra room in the parking lot for the minivan crammed with 2 cats, 1 dog and 2 adults. It wasn’t pleasant.
      My advice is to hit the roads sooner than later. Even if they open all 6 lanes to north bound traffic, there’s a metric buttload of people to get out of that area.
      *aside: that was how I spent my 21st birthday. We included most of the contents of the liquor cabinet in our “essential items” list.

      • Joe Beese

        Thank you. I’ve sent that on to her by way of encouragement to get the fuck out as soon as possible.

        • Up In Smoke O’hontas

          I hope she’s safe! And glad to help! 19 up the coast is an option until the flooding hits, also too.

  • GreenGoldSharpie

    That is one motherufcker of a hurricane coming Florida’s way.

    I hope it misses. >.<

    • Joe Beese

      Swerves east into the Atlantic with a “Psych!”

      • GreenGoldSharpie

        Exactly.

    • Panika MCD

      and hits where instead?

      • GreenGoldSharpie

        Like Joe said, I hope it rolls off back into the Atlantic.

        • Panika MCD

          anyone give you the odds on that?

          • GreenGoldSharpie

            Nope, but I wouldn’t bet on it. It looks bad from what I’m reading.

          • Panika MCD

            if it misses you (which you’ll probably at least get grazed), it will hit something else and when it does, it will break things because it doesn’t have state of the art navigation or steering systems.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            An example of when the “loose cannon” metaphor doesn’t really convey the scale of the chaos…

          • It’s not “chaos” when something happens on a regular basis, it’s an “predictable” event

          • Beanz&Berryz

            I was going for the Big Thing moving in a seemingly unpredictable way for a casual observer in the way of the Big Thing sloshing around, like a cannon on deck or a hurricane, even though someone with enough computing power could calculate whose lap the Big Thing is gonna land in.

          • Great description, sorta like watching a drunk stumble around in a crowded bar. You don’t know which table he might bump into or who will get wet when he knocks over your drink in your lap but maybe by some lucky miracle he makes it out of there without bumping up against anything.

          • Blind hope tends to have shitty odds

          • Joe Beese

            It seems unlikely that it will turn north soon enough to spare Florida entirely.

    • Jonny On Maui

      I hope it makes a hard right turn. Anything else and someone’s fucked.

    • Maybe it will hit Mar-a-Lago and spare the actual human population.

      • Sophia

        Hit it or not, you know trump will get some bucks out of it.

        • What if it hit all around Mar Largess, but that did not sustain any damage, only people could not get there because roads are bad?
          Because then the money would have to go to municipalities and not Trump, unless he tried a claim for loss revenue.

          • Lord Jim

            I like the way you think.

  • Panika MCD

    dear Floridians,

    I had the luck of having 2 of your hardier lot volunteering with me today and they aren’t driving back to secure their stuff until Thursday. so if you could start freaking out on Friday, that would be good. stocking up and battoning down the hatches now? not a bad idea. maybe get a boat of some sort and be sure your pet carriers fit on said boat.

    KTHXBAI!

  • Angela Ruzzo

    I got a really interesting letter from Blue Cross today. I had an ACA plan with them last year, but it ended when I went on Medicare in March 2017. It says “We’re happy to share some good news with you today. We’re sending you a rebate. Sometimes our medical costs are lower than we expect them to be. And based on the new health care reform laws, when this happens we’re able to give members some money back.”

    It enclosed a check for $2.94.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      SOROSBux!

    • Jonny On Maui

      So. Enough for a cheap beer…

    • C4TWOMAN

      Whoa…don’t do wild there!

    • That was supposed to start; with the ACA, they can only keep so much over the price of your actual care and have to refund you any difference.
      That is the part they were keen to cut, but thanks to the colossal fail that is our government, could not manage it.
      Good.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        That’s nice, but they refused to authorize an MRI that my orthopedic doctor ordered, said it wasn’t necessary.

        • When first son was borned, my then insurance refused a second ultrasound because hell I already had one, why did I need two? Despite that at the time I had spent 7 hours in labor and the contractions, which were nicely spaced, suddenly went all wonkers.
          So I went home for 3 days.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I was just chatting with a cousin in her 80’s, and we were talking about how when she had her babies, and my mother had her babies, they kept women in the hospital for 5-6 days after childbirth. I have the bill my mother got for delivering me – the nursery charged $2 a day, plus a bit for diapers and feeding.

          • With the first- and mind it was an emergency wherein we both nearly died dead, I was in two days. I left one day early because they would not let me sleep/
            3 days, for nearly having died.
            OH and the insurance tried to bill me for half of it because reasons.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            That’s terrible. I hate hospitals…they never let you sleep, the beds are uncomfortable, they keep wanting to stick needles in you. Also, it’s always either too hot or too cold, and you always have a roommate who wants to watch religious TV 24/7 or who has lots of noisy visitors.

            I’m glad you both survived that terrible ordeal. When my sister had her 3 babies, she went in early in the morning, and left in the afternoon, and her husband went back to work and left her at home, exhausted, with a brand-new baby. I would have gone to be helper and baby-minder, but she was in Saudi Arabia.

          • …..I would have cut off certain dangly bits.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Me too. She did very well financially out of the divorce, which is almost better. And then he married a woman 30 years younger and got a Viagra prescription and dropped dead, so there is justice sometimes.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Wow, did they screw the pooch… that’s almost 25 cents a month!

    • Permit-holder Ron

      Steak for dinner tonight!

  • Amelia Resists and Persists

    Hurricane Irma, the biggest hurricane ever recorded in the open Atlantic and just in general a terrifying nightmare is, if you’re a Rush Limbaugh listener, a liberal hoax! Hurricanes of all sizes, in fact, are a liberal conspiracy to fake the existence of climate change and hurt Trump. http://www.rawstory.com/2017/09/rush-limbaugh-suggests-hurricane-irma-is-a-liberal-hoax/

    Alright guys, which one of you told him?

    (Stay safe, Florida Wonkers!)

    • jesterpunk

      So Rush is going to stay in place during the hurricanes?

      • Can a hurricane move that kind of mass? Or does the rot make it easier?

        • bookish

          That was beautiful.

        • Résistance Land Shark Ω

          I thought people like him were hollow inside … wouldn’t he just blow away? Enquiring minds want to know …

          • jesterpunk

            He is filled with viagra and Dominican alcohol.

          • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

            I don’t think that’s the Dominican that he’s filled with.

          • jesterpunk

            Hey there is a good chance someone there was named Jose.

          • You forgot the Oxy

          • jesterpunk

            Damn I always forget something.

          • mancityRed6

            *checks pockets*
            dammit

          • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste
          • mancityRed6

            it’s all that hot air?

          • Résistance Land Shark Ω

            … if the legends be true, aye.

          • Permit-holder Ron

            The abnormally dense skull of degenerate matter counterbalances the emptiness inside.

    • Hopefully, it will level his house and he’ll be stuck in a bathtub, riding out the storm’s fury.

    • GreenGoldSharpie

      I bet it was Floridaman.

    • This creep is going to get people killed, thankfully people who don’t listen to him won’t be among that number.

      • Amelia Resists and Persists

        I had the same thought. I hope some opportunistic person sues him for convincing people to stay put.

    • JEsus they are going to get people killed

      • shivaskeeper

        They don’t care. No one will hold them responsible. Not legally, nor with lost revenue. The second one is the more important one.

        These are the same assholes that have suddenly made disagreeing with Nazis a conservative/progressive thing. Everything else can be left/right as well as long as the money keeps flowing in.

        • It’s insane. I know brain washing is a lot of it, but how can anyone be that dim? If someone tells you who they are…that is who they are!

          • shivaskeeper

            I don;t think it’s really brainwashing, at least not in the traditional sense. This is more akin to a willing suspension of belief. With that said, I know about the decades of AM hate radio and the similar bullshit they digest. But they do digest it willingly. They know it’s almost all lies, but it reinforces their LARP that they are the heroes in this story, fighting against the monsters at the gates.

          • I used the word pity last night, and it seems still apt. I pity someone who lives their lives that afraid, that hate filled, and that small souled.
            It must be awful.

          • shivaskeeper

            It is, and it must be.

            I have been saying it for a long time. At this point they are unable to be happy. They just don’t understand happiness anymore. Look at any of the pics from a Two Scoops rally. There is hate, rage, dissatisfaction, more hate, more rage, anger, fear, and disgust.

            But there is no happiness, even when they are cheering. They don’t feel it anymore and have long forgotten what a good thing it was. Since they don’t feel happy, they hate and distrust anyone else who is still capable of it. If they are miserable, they think everyone else should be as well.

  • Arcnor

    So, the NAFTA talks are progressing about as well as could be expected. One thing though — you know how the U.S. would geneflect toward better labour standards when signing trade agreements with places like China and Malaysia (because it looks bad on the corporate PR to not wag a disappointed finger in the direction of places where the work conditions are so bad that workers actually commit suicide in numbers large enough to be a problem for factories there — see Foxconn, etc.)? It’s the sort of thing one expects a first-world country to do before signing up to reap the cheap goods from all the borderline (or actual) slave labour from developing countries, right?

    Canada just did the same thing to the U.S. — basically saying “you want to negotiate trade? Treat your workers like a for-real civilized country and then we’ll talk.” (via Globe and Mail)

    Burn units in the vicinity of the trade negotiations haven’t issued any comments that I can locate yet.

  • Picabo

    I live in Savannah and prepared to evacuate based on the long term forecast for Irma. Straight up I-95 to Florence South Carolina. You may not hear from me in the next couple of days. I love you all.

    • Stay safe! Need a cold place to crash?

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Be prepared and stay safe.

    • OrG

      Be safe.

    • Anna Rompage

      Give yourself plenty of time if you can and be safe out there!

    • Panika MCD

      you probably don’t need to go anywhere for another 3 days. spend that time securing your house and storing valuables.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      You are wise to leave early. I left at 1 am on Sunday before Katrina hit on Monday morning, and I couldn’t find a motel room for 500 miles. When I checked out on Monday morning, there were about 50 people standing in the lobby begging for rooms.

    • Juan de Fuca

      That sounds like good, proper planning and good luck. Stay safe.

    • Courser_Resistance

      Take care & stay safe. I’m happier knowing you’re bugging out for safer environs.

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      Safety first! Glad you’re making prudent choices!

  • I really feel sorry for the people of Puerto Rico who will be affected by Irma. They have been ill-served by the federal government for too long.

    • GreenGoldSharpie

      I’m not holding my breath for an outpouring of FEMA aid. Probably gonna be even worse given the agency is broke.

    • Same for Haiti and Cuba (and their governments)

      • C4TWOMAN

        I worry those Island nations might get scrubbed off teh map….
        Course it’s possible being surrounded by the ocean that encourages the storm to move over you fast instead of landing and staying in one place? I don’t know enough about hurricanes obviously….

  • Anna Rompage

    Jesus Christ, the whole Columbia Gorge scenic area is on fire….

    The fire jumped from 3000 acres to over 10,000 acres in a matter of a couple days.

    Anyone who is familiar with the area, the fire is burning from the west end of the gorge around Crown Point, all the way east to Oneta Gorge and is threatening Multnomah Lodge that was built in the 30s by the CCC.

    All of this is because some punk ass mother fucker thought it would be fun to throw smoke bombs & fire crackers deep into bone dry and dense forest…

    Multnomah Falls https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ab81814c7b752e5e584d7186d9f1116113bbc4c9673ad31245643d0b5079e99b.jpg

    • Panika MCD

      boo. we need a better way of getting water from where we do not want it to be to where we want it to be.

      • C4TWOMAN

        Helicopter? I expect someone thought of that. Kinda pointless if the fire isn’t under control and no lives are at risk…

        • Panika MCD

          they do that, but I was thinking from the East and Gulf Coast to the Pacific Coast.

          • C4TWOMAN

            Ah, got ya. yeah, that would be nice.

          • Covfefe

            Would be easier to move water from the Yukon River down the
            Rocky Mountain Trench.

          • Panika MCD

            no it wouldn’t.

    • jowgajen

      Fire cracker asshole might be the acute cause, but the fire is inevitable.

    • C4TWOMAN

      Yeah, it’s dire. I’m afraid the firecrews will have to abandon the lodge to keep from being cut off…
      :(

    • OrG

      I work in Troutdale. I might not be able to go to work tomorrow.

      • C4TWOMAN

        Shit.

      • Your safety is the paramount concern

      • Anna Rompage

        It’s pretty scary out there.

        I have a bunch of friends on the gorge out near Hood River, and it’s not looking good out there.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        That’s right. There might be an evacuation.

      • Up In Smoke O’hontas

        Stay safe!

    • The one citizens’ arrest I performed involved a 26 year-old asshole setting off fireworks on my jobsite on a summer night. He thought I was going to kill him. For the record, though, I never implied a threat, but he sure as hell inferred one.

      • C4TWOMAN

        He knew he was screwing up, knew he’d been caught and assumed the worst.
        You play to it and it keeps them compliant until teh cops arrive.

        • I told him, “If you move so much as an inch, you will be very unhappy.

          • C4TWOMAN

            Exactly.

      • bookish

        When I worked in the men’s prisons I met contract killers, cannibals, and pedos. Of all I thought the arsonists were the creepiest. Mostly shy, passive aggressive types. Like I imagine poisoners might be. Some of the people who commit the worst crimes are amazingly inadequate personalities.

    • Courser_Resistance

      This makes me ill.

    • shivaskeeper

      Sorry for your friends that have to evac. One of my friends kids just moved down to Boring to work as a lineman and his jobs site was level 3 evac today. Right now the kids apartment complex is under level 2 evac.

      I’m just north and east of Centralia, WA and we are getting the ash from this one. The whole day it has looked like evening here.

      Fucking morons. So fucking tired of fucking morons.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      I had a dusting of ash on my car this morning. The sky is white, and the sun was fucking red yesterday.

    • Tishalicious

      This is one of the foci of my childhood…I was going to be married at the lodge *sniffle*

    • Permit-holder Ron

      One half of the country is burning
      The other half is about to be under water.
      Odd definition of ‘Great.’

    • Snopes Shop

      All I feel anymore is hatred and vengeance. Did they catch the guy?

  • Poor Snopes. Anyone with a brain could figure that was shopped, dude suddenly lost 100lbs for a cat rescue and then put them back on the day after?

  • CO
    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      SCIENCE!

  • gene108

    Trump would never wear jeans and a t-shirt. The motherfucker wears a suit and tie to baseball games.

    He is fucked up on so many levels, including how he dresses. He can’t even do that like a normal human being.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      He, in fact, knocked the shit out of Dimwit Jr. in college-in front of his dorm buddies-for not having a suit on to go to a baseball game. But yeah, he’s great father with great kids.

      • Up In Smoke O’hontas

        So relatable!

    • Lefty Wright

      He’s also fat. The guy with the cats, not so much.

      • Hemp Dogbane

        Yes, that was my reaction. Took off 40#, picked up 2 cats.

  • Joe Beese

    Some idea of what Category 5 winds are like.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pmJ8tXTcCfE#t=2m05s

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

    Let’s not forget what Donald tweeted yesterday: The United States is considering, in addition to other options, stopping all trade with any country doing business with North Korea.

    So, we stop trade with China.

    And the global economic system collapses.

    Brilliant.

    https://www.nbcnews.com/news/world/north-korea-crisis-could-trump-stop-u-s-trade-china-n798561

    • Anna Rompage

      That’ll show them all!

      Spite, it’s not about winning, is about making sure you lose more

    • Bananas Foster

      Obama helped create our current growing economy, so it stands to reason Trump must destroy it.

    • How much do we owe them now?

      • Lefty Wright

        Trump will probably try for bankruptcy

      • WomanInThePersistence

        AOT, K.

    • bookish

      I’ll never recover from the last recession inflicted on us by these financial wizards. I am old, but I pity the young who will inherit the results of Trump/GOP dumfuckery.

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    BULLETIN
    Hurricane Irma Intermediate Advisory Number 27A
    NWS National Hurricane Center Miami FL AL112017
    800 PM AST Tue Sep 05 2017

    …POTENTIALLY CATASTROPHIC CATEGORY 5 HURRICANE IRMA NEARING THE
    NORTHERN LEEWARD ISLANDS…
    …WEATHER CONDITIONS WILL DETERIORATE OVER THE NORTHERN LEEWARD
    ISLANDS SOON…

    SUMMARY OF 800 PM AST…0000 UTC…INFORMATION
    ———————————————-
    LOCATION…17.2N 60.5W
    ABOUT 85 MI…140 KM E OF ANTIGUA
    ABOUT 90 MI…145 KM ESE OF BARBUDA
    MAXIMUM SUSTAINED WINDS…185 MPH…295 KM/H
    PRESENT MOVEMENT…W OR 280 DEGREES AT 15 MPH…24 KM/H
    MINIMUM CENTRAL PRESSURE…916 MB…27.05 INCHES

    • Fucking thing is a monster.
      Any chance it will weaken before it hits where ever it is hitting?

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        Not according to the models … same power, but gets larger.

        • damn. It is already as big as Ohio. What’s it aiming for, Texas sized?

          • Résistance Land Shark Ω

            It’s a very tight storm … the winds don’t extend out very far. However, the winds it does have are lethal.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      I’m sincerely hoping that Blarney is in the process of GTFO, but has anybody heard from them?

      • No :/ Not for a couple days.

      • Up In Smoke O’hontas

        The keys are under mandatory evacuation order, from what I gleaned. Blarney was getting ready to pack up and head out, if I recall correctly. I hope the packing is for naught, but it doesn’t look good for the keys right now.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        This morning. I replied to him on a comment at RS. He’s on his way to safer ground, but first he was helping a neighbor prep for the storm. He sounded anxious to GTFO. I’m sure he’s on his way out of there now. (Or, I should say I hope he is.)

      • Sophia

        We shared some memories about Andrew after Harvey. I’m certain he will get the hell out of Dodge in plenty of time. You only need that experience once to learn your lesson.

    • Ωbjectifier

      27.05?! Holy fuck!

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        My comment was similar …

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN
    • Moebym of the Returners

      That central pressure has got to be a new record, or within a few mb of the record.

  • Panika MCD

    srsly, someone come walk these dogs so I can clean up after Hurricane Jazzy and snuggle with Cary Cary!

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Jazzy sounds like a bundle of doggy energy.

      • Panika MCD

        she is and she did not move around eleventy thousand heavy things at the APA! warehouse today.

      • Panika MCD

        she also too has a nervous mouth and I can’t give her chews. (dr’s orders.)

  • Stulexington

    More people so deeply in denial they need to manufacture evidence to support their dying delusions.

  • Pisto75666
  • Mr. Blobfish

    I don’t know what’s going on around here, but ambulance and fire truck sirens all day. WTF, Hudson County?

    • I know what mine is. My new place is a block away from a major fire station, and a different block away from the main paramedic dispatch hub. Sirens all the time

      • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

        Same here. Plus, Mile High Stadium where the Broncos play and stadium concerts rock. We were promised YOUR Justin Bieber this summer and what did he do? He PULLED OUT.

        • Hey, he ain’t my Justin Bieber. I am currently hoping for a lottery win on Friday so my mom and i can go see Springsteen on Broadway

          • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

            Like the GOP with Trump, you brung him to the dance, you go home with him./

          • We didn’t make him famous. Just like we didn’t elect Ted Cruz to anything

          • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

            OK, OK, I know when I am beaten.

            More, please?

          • Jonny On Maui

            Ask nicelyier…

          • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

            Dear Dodo may I please have another?

          • I charge WAY extra for that

          • mancityRed6

            and grovel more. MORE!

          • mancityRed6

            *fingers crossed*

          • Three Finger Salute

            Oh, I know. All part of the plan. You folks traded in Adolf Harper for a much, much better Justin.

          • Permit-holder Ron

            Are you sure one lottery win will be enough?

          • For Springsteen, yes. For Hamilton, probably not.

      • Mr. Blobfish

        It’s been worse than a Summer Saturday, when all those store-assembled gas grills go up in flames and abuelita has a heart attack.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        I used to live 2 blocks west of a county sheriff’s office and 2 blocks east of a fire station. I would be on the phone long-distance with friends or relatives, and they would hear sirens repeatedly and ask me if I lived in a high-crime neighborhood. The fact that both were so close did wonders for my home insurance premiums.

    • mancityRed6

      1 kilometer from an interstate, I hear them all the time.
      the house in Lawrence was next to a high whose football field was used for the life flight chopper. that was always bad news.

      • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

        North Lawrence? I used to live near 13th and Tennessee. Best time of my life.

        • mancityRed6

          no, Olathe now.
          this was nearer to 21st and Louisiana. Lawrence high school, home of the chesty lions.

  • (((Alt-Sedagive)))

    I’m on the road again, which means that I have only limited internet access (I always do a quick Wonkette scan to get my news).

    It appears that there is a possibility that the current so-called Commander-in-Chief might engage (accidentally or intentionally) in a thermonuclear holocaust around the time that the Pee-Hooker tapes are finally released; the so-called Leader of the Free World might well be seen engaging in spiteful golden showers as the mushroom clouds erupt.

    I would just like to take this moment to apologize to any and all other life forms that may have developed the technology required for interstellar travel. Should you find any remnants of our civilization please note: most of us did our very best. We really, really did.

    • mancityRed6
    • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

      No we didn’t.

      • (((Alt-Sedagive)))

        As a born misanthrope I am of the decided opinion that humans are just a thin membrane away from a state of permanent and unceasing carnage.

        The fact that we haven’t all killed each other yet – that we have music, and art, and relatively-well-funcitoning international relations tells me that most humans do their best (within their often very limited means) not to be monsters.

        1) That’s an admittedly very low bar.

        2) I’ve been doing manual labor in the sun for most of the past few days with a minimum of sleep, so I”m a bit lightheaded.

        3) If I liked humankind just a little bit more I’d agree with you.

  • Left Coast Tom

    Upper McCabe Lake, taken last week while descending “Don’t Be a Smart Pass” (cross-country route):

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/fa80fc551b16d1f9eceaa5f3434efe8458912beebe168f058dd9e530d207f034.jpg

    • Anna Rompage

      That’s lovely!

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        “But where are the oil derricks?” (Shhh, Mr Pruitt, not so loud!)

  • msanthrope

    Y’all are gonna get tired of seeing pics of me at protests, but here’s another one. Supporting DACA Dreamers in front of the federal court house in Richmond VA. Good thing I bought a dry erase board! https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/4eebd14592c53792d3f778fa8def43bed989a0db5bd2ccac628d6c3567e71105.jpg

    • Never! and good call on the whiteboard!

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        Clever, convenient and environmentally friendly in these times when there are so very many things to protest.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Weighs less than a flat-screen monitor, that’s for sure.

        • Permit-holder Ron

          NOW you tell me!

          • Bad Tom

            DAMN! I’ve been lugging this large screen CRT around for years!
            ——-
            And the extension cords!

      • SpideySenser

        So versatile and quite recyclable for messaging topics.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Dry-erase. Cleveh. I shall submit your name in nomination for Soros Employee of the Month.

      • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

        Must be a teacher.

        • Msgr_MΩment

          Big letters, use of red and blacks inks. I’m going to guess an agitprop professional.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Obviously a Soros operative on his payroll.

          • OneYieldRegular

            Speaking of which, it’s the 5th of September, Where’s my monthly check?

          • DonaldDGasaway

            Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family!!!
            On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
            >>>http://GoogleFinancialJobsCash690TopRush/GetPay$97/Hour………..

      • msanthrope

        Where can I spend those Soros bucks, anyway? 7-11 won’t take them for obamaphones and cigarettes.

    • Will never get sick of this!

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Can we send you suggestions for witty slogans?

  • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

    If Donnie were ever to attempt to pick up a cat, the cat would try to rip his face off. Cats just know when somebody is a piece of shit.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a24eed62038f10ffa69b034ab83e0c0e46c79089e0d2c0f800a5eb9fc0691bf9.gif

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      I have those days.

      Every day.

    • tomamitai

      Our national bird hates him too. https://youtu.be/o7_OWYrLVOU

    • Crank Tango

      My cat peed on my ex-gf’s crotch while she slept, not once, but twice. She was terrible. He was smart.

      • TJ Barke

        How do you people get into these relationships with people that you want your cat to pee on?

        • Msgr_MΩment

          Does it have to be a cat? Not, say, a hooker?
          /asking for a fiend

          • mancityRed6

            depends on how much you’re willing to pay.

        • Crank Tango

          https://media.giphy.com/media/L4TYWQn8rALRu/giphy.gif

          Hey, I didn’t WANT him to pee on her, he was just a better judge of character than I am.

      • jowgajen

        He *really* didn’t like her.

    • The Librarian

      We had some shady type lady trying to sell something (candy?) to benefit something (herself?). Our cats, who always welcomed everyone to our house, sat in the window hissing and spitting. I wouldn’t buy a thing. Creepy.

  • CO
    • gene108

      But it will make the racists feel better about themselves that someone is suffering more.

      • OrG

        That’s it. They’re losers and they want everyone else to be losers too.

        • Moebym of the Returners

          And they’re happy as clams that a loser won the presidency. One of them in the White House.

        • Three Finger Salute

          Pyrrhic version of “equality.”

      • CO

        If you can convince the lowest white man he’s better than the best colored man, he won’t notice you’re picking his pocket. Hell, give him somebody to look down on, and he’ll empty his pockets for you. – LBJ

    • george lastrapes

      Great image on another thread: Hispanic gentleman holding a sign-
      Roses are red,
      And tacos enjoyable
      Don’t blame Mexicans
      If you’re unemployable.

  • TJ Barke

    Can we wait for civilization to crash until after I get my remaining wisdom teeth out? That’d be great.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Don’t be rash… those wisdom teeth might be good for gnawing bones…

      • TJ Barke

        Not in their current state they aren’t.

    • mancityRed6

      mine and I was there for two, count ’em two, GFs to have them pulled.
      I think I still have the bell around, somewhere.

  • reelreeler
  • BreakingDeadMen

    Trump doesn’t mind getting his pants wet, but not like that.

  • Sophia

    Video won’t come up in Canada but apparently this guy just resigned on TV on an HLN interview.

    https://twitter.com/CarolHLN/status/905089249367572481