Well, you know we here at Wonkette aren’t big fans of anyone or anything currently working in the Russian government, so we don’t exactly want to cheer on this Russian wingnut dude, Nikita Isaev, whom the Independent identifies as the leader of the “far right New Russia movement,” and who says it’s time to unleash whatever kompromat Russia has on Donald Trump. And we really aren’t big fans of his reasoning, because he wants to do it to retaliate for the State Department closing down Russian “diplomatic” facilities (spy houses) in the United States. Of course, we figure Secretary of State Rex Tillerson did that behind Donald Trump’s back, possibly maybe like he was daring Trump to fire him for being mean to Mother Russia.
If Russia should release anybody’s pee tape, it should be Tillerson’s, obviously. (LOL there is no Rex Tillerson pee tape, unless a common State Department prank is to put Tillerson’s hand in warm water to make him pee while he is ALWAYS TAKING A NAP.)
But honestly, we are mixed of feeling about this! On the one hand, we are a patriotic American, therefore fuck YOU, Nikita, you slimy Russian bastard. On the other hand, we haaaaaaaaaaate Donald Trump, because we are, again, a patriotic American. So a little leaky kompromat on Trump might make us right jolly!
Anyway, here is what happened:
Speaking on Russia-24, Nikita Isaev, leader of the far-right New Russia Movement, said the compromising material should be released in retaliation over the closure of several Russian diplomatic compounds across the US.
When asked whether Russia has such material, Mr Isaev, who is also director of the Russian Institute of Contemporary Economics, replied: “Of course we have it!”
OF COURSE THEY HAVE IT! But what is it? Is it a buncha malarkey what went down at the Moscow Ritz Carlton after the Miss Universe, when two of the finest Russian pee hookers in all the land, descended from the great Russian pee hookers of Catherine the Great’s court, performed a pee hooking show for a bouncy, clappy and maybe naked Donald J. Trump? That’s in the Steele Dossier, so MAYBE.
Is it tape of Trump traipsing around St. Petersburg, party-hopping around to sex parties? Because the Steele Dossier alludes to that, and says Trump’s Russian pal Aras Agalarov probably knows everything about it.
OR COULD IT BE SOMETHING DIFFERENT? Could it be something grosser than we ever imagined? Like maybe the real reason he loves to go to Russia so much is because he loves getting banged in his fanny by big Russian wild boars who make him call them daddy? Is there video? Is this guy in it?
We are just asking questions, as usual. Seriously, is there a Trump Russian boar tape?
Feel free to gross each other out to death trying to come up with what ELSE the kompromat might be in the comments!
Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE!
Wonkette salaries are fully paid by lovely souls like you! If you love us, click below to pay us some salaries!