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This is his lawyer you guys.

The saga of Christopher Cantwell the Crying Nazi continues. He’s got himself a lawyer now, one Elmer Woodard, who showed up to court wearing an “early-1800s-style red waistcoat with gold buttons, bowtie, white muttonchop whiskers, black velcro shoes, and a a 1910s-style straw boater hat.” Because that is exactly the kind of outfit one needs to be wearing when one is delivering closing arguments that start with “Now, I may not be a big city lawyer, but…”

Woodard, pictured above in the Ben Franklin cosplay, was Cantwell’s fourth choice to represent him. The first three other lawyers he contacted were not interested in representing him. Wonder why!

Now, I am not a big city lawyer either, but it seems that Woodard is, in fact, a pretty terrible lawyer. Although Cantwell has already admitted to spraying a protester with pepper spray, he is trying to argue that maybe it was water.

He is also trying to claim that video of Cantwell talking about how much he hates the Jews and saying Heather Heyer deserved to get murdered is “hearsay,” which I am pretty sure it is not. Again, not a lawyer, but I do watch a lot of Law and Order, so I feel pretty confident that a literal videotape of you saying something is not hearsay. Because it is you saying it, and not another person saying that you said it.

Amazingly, Woodard is claiming that Cantwell’s whole Nazi schtick is just COMEDY. Comedy that we are all not hip enough to get.

Woodard then offered what he said was a quote by comedian Jackie Mason, saying that “take my wife, please”” was obviously not intended as a literal desire to kill or abandon a woman (the quote is actually from Henny Youngman). He compared Cantwell’s hate-filled monologues against Jews, blacks, Muslims, and other minorities on his podcasts to Mason.
Woodard said it was all a “shock jock” act.”

Jackie Mason, let us note, is quite Jewish.

Here, for no reason, is another picture of Woodard in cosplay.

Cantwell, for his part, is asking his supporters to not only send him money, but also to “monitor” his accusers online. In a jailhouse phone call with Unite The Right organizer Jason Kessler, Cantwell said he wants “everybody” to keep an eye on their social media accounts in case they talk about having “set him up.”

Kessler: I know you brought up your accusers before, and tellin’ people not to go after them. I think that’s wise. But isn’t it right that people should look into these people and their social media, and see like if they’re cheering like, “Oh we set Cantwell up, blah blah blah” — we can present that in court. I think people should be monitoring their social media.

Cantwell: I 100% want everybody finding out everything they can about these people. Monitor their social media, archive their tweets, do everything you can to catch them in lies because they tell them all the time and they will be easy to catch because they’re very fucking bad at it.

He was, however, careful about saying he didn’t want people “antagonizing” his accusers, comparing Charlottesville to Hitler getting arrested during his first attempted coup.

Well, and listen to me, I’m not even just trying to make a goddamn record here. You are not helping me or anybody else if you go and you antagonize these people, which — here’s what we need to do, okay? And this is — look, anybody that’s familiar with The Daily Stormer knows Andrew Anglin, okay? And he made a comparison of Charlottesville to the Beer Hall Putsch, okay? Now, in the Beer Hall Putsch, this is what ends up getting Hitler locked up for treason, okay? And he realized during the course of that that you had to do this legally. You could not take power by force. You have to go through the motions, you have to do things through the system because these people are too goddamn powerful.

Yes, the Nazis want to overthrow our government the right way, like Hitler did. Of course, if they really want to learn a lesson from Hitler’s mistakes, they should probably consider the fact that he lost WWII and ended up committing suicide in an underground bunker. Maybe they should marinate on that for a while before they decide it’s a good idea to try and follow in his footsteps?

[The Daily Beast | Angry White Men]

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  • TJ Barke

    CONSEQUENCES MOTHERFUCKER! CONSEQUENCES!

    • BadKitty904

      Der Partei of “Personal Responsibility,” America!

  • ManchuCandidate

    http://p.fod4.com/p/media/5c597eb60b/3BrF1dm8TlS6j0ZA4znr_Confused%20George%20Clooney.gif
    I guess the Cosplay is a ploy to confuse people into underestimating the quality of Woodard’s lawyering or proof he’s a fucking loon/idiot/4th rate lawyer and whose ineptitude is going to get that crying Nazi shit thrown in jail for a long time. I am fine with the later.

    • BadKitty904

      You honor, look what I chose as my lawyer. I’m obviously mentally incompetent and, therefore, cannot stand trial.

      • Straight to the secure institution, then. Sounds good to me.

        • BadKitty904

          A Sensible Policy for a Better America.

    • major_asshole

      OT, but where is that gif from? I like it enough that I’ve saved it.

      • puredog

        Soderbergh’s “Out of Sight.” What’s off-screen is as funny as what’s on-screen.

  • BadKitty904

    The photos of a porkchop dressed as a mad parrot were most amusing, Robyn. Thank you.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      He does resemble Ham Rove, doesn’t he?

      • BadKitty904

        I was thinking more along the lines of “Dick Cheney: The Early Years”…

  • jesterpunk

    [redacted][redacted][redacted][redacted][redacted][redacted][redacted][redacted][redacted][redacted]

  • Ah, yes. The “it’s all an act” strategy that worked so well for Alex Jones. Let’s use that!

  • TJ Barke
  • The Librarian

    Well, Elmer looks right fetching in his cosplay garb. I guess wearing a lawyer suit wouldn’t be a good idea since no one would ever mistake him for one.

    • BadKitty904

      I assume the gentleman is always accompanied by the Benny Hill soundtrack…

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MK6TXMsvgQg

      • The Librarian

        Lol, that is icing on the kook.

      • willi0000000

        aka Yakkety Sax

        [ possibly Boots Randolph’s version ]

  • AJ Milne

    It’s kinda… impressive that the linked story doesn’t get to the lawyer’s 1800s waistcoat until like the fifth paragraph…

    … and there’s still sufficient stupid afoot that that’s not even burying the lede.

  • Red Bird

    Good God, these people.

    • BadKitty904

      The Few, the Loud, the Crazy: Today’s GOP!!1!

  • Villago Delenda Est

    You know, the summary judgement of Westeros is looking pretty good right now.

  • MynameisBlarney

    The writers at The Onion are all probably on suicide watch after learning of this.

    • ManchuCandidate

      They’ve been in on it all along. We wake up and Ashton Koochie/Kutcher pulls off his Trump mask and tells us we’ve been punked.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Or a “Dallas” type dream sequence where we all wake up and Hillary is President.

    • BadKitty904

      I don’t know how they even…

    • TJ Barke

      Someone at The Onion found the way into reality’s command console.

  • Carpe Vagenda
    • TJ Barke

      Damn leftist academics!

  • atlantaloves

    Okay guys, is this a joke, seriously? Somebody tell me.

    • Parakeetist

      I wish.

    • Doug Langley

      “A joke?”
      “Not a joke! An sales campaign!”

    • jesterpunk

      Its part of his job application for a job in the Trump administration.

      • BadKitty904

        If only you were joking.

        • jesterpunk

          I was but I really wouldn’t put it past Trump.

    • BadKitty904

      Oh, it’s a “joke”, alright.

    • TJ Barke

      Life has become an Onion article.

      • Absolutely. That’s what I keep saying about the apocalypse too–it happened a few years ago, and no one noticed.

        • TJ Barke

          We’re really in hell right now.

          • Lord Jim

            Back when that nut put out the pamphlet “88 Reasons Why the Rapture Will Occur In 1988”, people were saying “Hah! wrong again, apocalytic whacko!” And I said, “Nah. Jesus DID come back. Then took one look around, turned around and left.”

    • SeeTrain65

      Oh, it’s a joke all right. But he’s totally serious.

  • jesterpunk
    • major_asshole

      That image has always amused me for two reasons beyond Patrick Stewart. First, Michael Dorn is giving his stoic “what the fuck” look. Second is Jonathan Frakes looking like he’s about to piss himself laughing.

  • Picabo

    OT. I just saw this.
    “Jeannie de Clarens, an amateur spy who passed a wealth of information to the British about the development of the V-1 and V-2 rockets during World War II and survived stays in three concentration camps for her activities, died on Aug. 23 in Montaigu, southeast of Nantes, France. She was 98.”

    https://www.nytimes.com/2017/08/29/world/europe/jeannie-rousseau-de-clarens-dead-french-spy-in-world-war-ii.html?mcubz=0

    • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

      She had more courage in her little finger than these White Supremacist assholes have in their entire selves added together.

    • puredog

      That was a great story. I thought of Harvey helpers when she shrugged off any imputations of heroism by saying “Of course I did it. How could I not do it?”

  • memzilla Ω

    Waiting for his autobiography: Mein Clownf.

  • Lyly Sirivong

    If you want to persuade people you’re not a nazi, maybe don’t compare you situation to Hitler’s ?

    • BadKitty904

      The ol’ “subtle” ploy, eh?

    • TJ Barke

      That’s crazy talk…

  • BloviateMe

    I dunno, I’m still going to keep watching the show, but they’re kind of jumping the shark here. I hope the writers tone it down a little more in the next episode.

    • BadKitty904

      Truth can’t be THAT much stranger than fiction…

      • Skeptical_thinker

        Fiction must make sense.

        • BadKitty904

          True, that. Unless you’re James Joyce.

  • Mavenmaven

    I think all nazis should emulate Hitler and just jump to the last step as outlined above.

    • BadKitty904

      Follow the Leader…

    • willi0000000

      late-term self abortion?

  • AJ Milne

    Working toward some kinda incompetence defence, mebbe?

    Judge: You know, _normally_ it’s the _client_ we’re required to find insane. Not his lawyer.

    Woodard: Yes, your Honour. But consider this: I was also dressed this way when he _hired_ me.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    I count myself among the people who are not hip and sophisticated enough to find the comedy in Nazi shtick.

    • The Librarian

      All you need to do is watch The Producers.

    • BloviateMe

      You’ll laugh until you swastikan’t handle it!

      • TJ Barke

        Something something laughtwaffe.

        • Lord Jim

          Nazi comedians usually bomb.

          Hey, look at the time…

        • bbayliss

          “That Fokker was a Messerschmitt!”

          • coozledad

            I vass only following old joke book.

    • BadKitty904

      Ein Joke, ein Reich, ein Führer…

      • coozledad

        Ein Guter menschen ist hard to find, aber ein hard menschen is Reinhard!

        Tough volk, er, crowd.

    • lucidamente

      You’ll laugh! You’ll cry!! You’ll occupy Poland!!!

      • Persistent Demme

        Lol!

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “That’s me, sophisticated man of comedy.”
      — Ghost of Bob Crane

  • DainBramage

    Dumbshit doesn’t even realize that he set himself up.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      #BitchSetMeUp

  • Gayer Than Thou

    Who mixes an “early-1800s-style red waistcoat with gold buttons” with a “1910s-style straw boater hat”? I find him in contempt … of fashion!

    • Panika MCD

      today, we are all fashion police.

      • puredog

        We’re fashcistic?

      • Red Richmond

        For this one I think we’re going to need Fashion SWAT.

    • Doug Langley

      With Velcro shoes???????????

      • coozledad

        He was asleep during “shoe tying” AT CAMPBPELL LAW.

    • SayItWithWookies

      I do Nazi that combo working out.

      • coozledad

        Yugo Boss.

    • Lord Jim

      Isn’t a seersucker suit the normal base for a straw boater hat accessory?

    • Daniel

      I think Bowie could have pulled it off. But Bowie would never have worn velcro shoes. Especially not in court.

      Court even has a type of shoe named after it, for God’s sake.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Velcro shoes are seeing an upswing in the 24-40 female demographic. You know, that magical time in a woman’s life when she doesn’t even have the fucking time to tie her own shoes.

  • lucidamente

    Elmer Woodard. Didn’t he used to open for Goebbels at the Chuckle Factory in Düsseldorf?

    • BadKitty904

      Pro-tip: They’re sore losers in Munich…

  • OrG

    Haha! Yes crying nazi we trickted you into being a nazi.
    The crying part was ALL YOU though.

  • dshwa

    You know, stories like these are why some mornings I wake up and wonder if it’s really worth chewing through the restraints.

  • The sounds of these nazis cosplay fucking is a mixture of anger, coffee cans with marbles, and bent tubas all falling through dildo-encrusted Jello. Or so I’ve heard in nightmares

    • DainBramage

      That description broke me.
      http://i.imgur.com/2baoGrS.gif

      • OutOfOrbit

        and then what happened?

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Lucky you. I could never find the snooze button.

  • jesterpunk
    • major_asshole

      i_get_that_reference.jpg (sorry, on mobile)

  • BadKitty904

    That boy’s crazy as a rat in a tin-can.

    ~ My Granddad

    • janecita

      “Ese hombre, se merece más palos que una gata ladrona.”
      Mi Abuela

      “That man, deserves to get beat up harder than a thieving cat.”

      • BadKitty904

        HEY!

        • janecita

          She never even had cats, she was allergic:-)

        • willi0000000

          coulda said “red-headed step child” . . . izzat better now?

  • lucidamente

    Speaking of Nazis (the unfunny kind), this is worth a follow:

    https://twitter.com/RealTimeWWII?ref_src=twsrc%5Egoogle%7Ctwcamp%5Eserp%7Ctwgr%5Eauthor

  • BadKitty904
  • Covfefe

    If it had been me, I wudda out a laugh track on that Crying Nazi podcast. Punctuate all the jokes.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    “Ladies and Gentleman of the jury, I’m just a Colonial Minuteman. I fell in some ice and later got thawed out by your scientists. Your world frightens and confuses me. Sometimes the honking horns of your traffic make me want to get out of my BMW and run off into the hills or whatever. Sometimes when I get a message on my fax machine, did little demons get inside and type it? I don’t know. My primitive mind can’t grasp these concepts.”

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “My accusers are so fucking bad at lying, that all they do is tell the truth about me. That’s no way to lie!”
    — The Lachrymose Nazi

  • Belasaurius

    I hope this trial is televised

    • BadKitty904

      I’d pay to see this buffoon in action.

  • Wolf Tracker

    Puts a new spin on that old saying that a person who represents himself in court has a fool for a client and a person that has a lawyer dressed like Napoleon should expect a long prison sentence.

    • Belasaurius

      BONAPARTELIBELZ!!!!

    • PubOption

      St Helena is nice at this time of year.

  • bookish

    https://www.cbsnews.com/news/trump-travels-to-texas-louisiana-to-survey-hurricane-harvey-damage-live-updates/

    1:34 p.m.: Trump says he’s seen a lot of “happiness” in victims
    President Trump said the families he’s spoken with at the stadium-turned-shelter seem happy, and that he’s seen a lot of “happiness” in the shelter.

    Mr. Trump said he thinks victims are pleased with the efficiency of the response in Texas.

    The president helped serve lunch to people staying at the shelter, shaking some hands along the way. At one point the president said serving something was difficult because his hands were “too big.”

  • Daniel

    “early-1800s-style red waistcoat with gold buttons, bowtie, white muttonchop whiskers, black velcro shoes, and a a 1910s-style straw boater hat.”

    Now, I’m no big city fashionista, but this sounds like an utterly dire attempt to mix eras and looks and- sorry, fucking velcro shoes?

    And a boater?

    INDOORS?

    • BadKitty904

      Couth. He has none.

      • Daniel

        Neither couth nor gorm.

        • MynameisBlarney

          Nor feck.

    • marxalot

      Reminds me of the description of ambassadors to Djelibebi in Pterry’s “Pyramids.” Looking like a deranged/insufficiently detailed timetraveler or a toddler who’s gotten into the costume box.

    • Persistent Demme

      That’s what I thought.
      VELCRO?!

    • puredog

      BEFORE LABOR DAY?

  • IdiokraticCulturalMarxist
  • Latverian Diplomat

    I thought it was potential jurors who were supposed to dress up.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bBuNvyo4j54

    • Persistent Demme

      I’ve been called for jury duty.
      I hope San Francisco is this much fun!
      It could be.
      (There are reviews here on yelp for jury duty!!)

      • Are you going downtown, or to the Hall of Justice? The former is genteel; the latter… is less so. (I’m on call this week for the latter.)

        • Persistent Demme

          Civic Center courthouse, 400 McAllister.
          (I don’t know which one that is.)

          • That’s the one downtown, for the white collar crimes. Still, if you end up ON a jury, bring whiteboard markers.

          • Persistent Demme

            I can’t objectively handle anything involving animal cruelty.
            Also, I’m not squeamish at all.
            Do you think they’ll give me a chance to tell them this?

            (I only have ever sat on a civil jury in NY about insurance. One of the lawyers told me I was the “brain anchor,” whatever that is.)

          • Should things go as far as voir dire (they may not for you, because the standard practice is to call in the maximum number of people they could possibly need): there will come a point where, after folks have explained the basics of what the case is about, the judge will ask you– you personally– if you can be objective. Answer honestly. Worst that can happen is you’ll be excused and thrown back into the juror pool. (Well, if you moon someone you could get sent away forever for contempt of court, so don’t do that– even if that is the maximally honest response.)

          • Persistent Demme

            Thanks for all the info.
            I’ll try, (TRY) not to moon anyone!

          • I like to set realistic daily goals…

          • Skeptical_thinker

            For huffing?

          • Bring TWO sets of whiteboard markers.

  • How cool is that!
    I wonder if he does parties.

    • BadKitty904

      No mention of how he is with balloon-animals, Robyn?

    • The Wanderer

      Only Nazi parties.

      • Nazi parties serve bad punch.

      • puredog

        Don’t be stupid, be a smartie.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Resistance Fighter Astraea
  • UnsaltedSinner
    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      I wore this ridiculous outfit for you, judge!

  • Jack Had A Permit

    Awwwww! Cryin’ nazi has a sad and is cryin’ about being called Cryin Nazi instead of Cryin’ Chris Cantwell of the East Bumfuck Nazi Criers.

    Cry me a river, Cryin’ Nazi. Cry, cry, cry.

    • PubOption

      The Dnieper?

      • puredog

        “Cry Me a Dnieper” never charted.

  • SayItWithWookies

    This is what happens when you ask a lawyer to put up a defense of you assaulting people with no provocation — they say it’s not possible and quit. And then you’re left with a deluded ponce in knickers and a wig who thinks he talks like a colonist defending you.

    Fortunately for the sane, it’s the merging of the Tea Party cosplayers and the brownshirts we always knew was coming.

    • BadKitty904

      The Brownplayers? The Tea-shirts?

      • marxalot

        The Brownbaggers?

        • Lord Jim

          ^Gets my vote.^

          • Daniel

            Like in Kansas.

      • SayItWithWookies

        The Teawanking Bunglebund?

        • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

          All the upfists

    • Covfefe

      Sometimes, the best you can do is work the sentence. That requires some amount of insight and contrition on the part of the client. In this case, an effective plea at sentencing would tank Chris’ whole marketing program. So, they shop for a lawyer willing to do a Kervokian.

    • The Wanderer

      Were I the judge in this case, I would give Colonial Lawyer a weekend in Durance vile for contempt. Maybe he’d recall what century it is.

      • marxalot

        You know what’s fallen sadly out of use, no doubt contributing to the lawlessness and vulgarity of the current age? The pillory.

  • TJ Barke

    Did somebody divide by zero or something? How did we get here?

    • Resistance Fighter Astraea

      Someone pulled the plug out of the magical vagina pool

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=grRj5yW4SDs

    • Daniel

      We just let the days go by, and the water hold us down.

      There’s a woman in my beautiful house. I don’t know who she is.

  • Wolf Tracker
  • Belasaurius

    God I hope he does a magic trick during his summation

  • marxalot

    I have very strong feelings about mixing velcro shoes, an 1800s waistcoat, and a frigging straw boater. They boil down to “Fuck Reagan for destroying the public mental health infrastructure.”

  • Bill D. Burger

    I hear an all new version “The Compassion of the Trump” premiers today in Texas.

    All NEW script! NEW costumes! NEW set! Hot damn! ___ And right now he’s handing out styrofoam containers of food…..just like Jesus at the Last Supper.
    Duh…Winning!

    Damn….Guess Mother Pence showing him up really got to him.

    http://dotb.tc0bblfg2d81v7kurec.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/Jesus-Trump.jpg

    http://www.gifbin.com/bin/052011/1306491310_snoop_dogg_last_supper.gif

    • BadKitty904

      Say, has anybody in Houston seen that million-dollar donation check yet?

    • Celtic_Gnome

      While handing out the food, he made a joke about how hard that was because his hands were too big.

      You think I’m being snarky, don’t you?

  • Lyly Sirivong
  • BadKitty904
  • Bill D. Burger

    Quick! Tell Abbott that a man named “Harvey” got into the girls’ bathroom in Houston and he’ll call a special session to free up those funds!

    https://twitter.com/amanbatheja/status/903698434292666368

    • BadKitty904

      Just keep that in mind, Texas voters…

      • Covfefe

        Both sides do it. If it was Republican voters got flooded out, would you call a special session?

        • BadKitty904

          Yes, if necessary. As much as I loathe their politics, they’re still fellow Americans and still fellow human beings.

    • SayItWithWookies

      For what was literally rain.

  • Serai 1

    “because these people are too goddamn powerful.”

    Oh, you mean THE PEOPLE OF THE UNITED STATES?

    Fuck off, Nazi.

  • Belasaurius

    if this is going to be teevee, we need a drinking game for it. Throw out some rules
    1. When he says “thee, thou, sayeth, or doeth” take a drink

    • TJ Barke

      “Oh, fuck me…” -My Liver.

    • Daniel

      When he takes issue with the fringe on the flag, drink.

      When he talks about the court room as though it were a boat, drink.

      When he uses his quizzing glass to study a document, drink.

      • Lord Jim

        I won’t need formaldehyde when they bury me…

        • Daniel

          How is that not the opening line of a country song?

  • bookish

    https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2017/9/1/1695315/-Jeff-Sessions-allows-DOJ-to-retry-the-woman-who-laughed-during-his-confirmation-hearing

    Jeff Sessions clearly has a fragile ego. So much so that he is allowing the Justice Department to waste valuable time and resources to put a woman on trial who simply laughed at him during his confirmation hearing in January. Desiree Fairooz, who will go on trial for a second time in November, had already been found guilty by a jury in July for disorderly and disruptive conduct. A judge tossed that conviction—citing that the government’s case against Fairooz based on her laughter alone, was not enough to merit a conviction.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      And yet he seems to have taken Der Tumpfending’s weeks of personal attacks on him and his integrity with good humor.

      That seems odd yet logical.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      I saw that this morning. I still don’t understand why laughter isn’t seen as a form of free speech. Wikipedia says “Laughter is a part of human behavior regulated by the brain.” It also says laughter is a field of study all its own, called Gelotology (just writing Gelotology makes me laugh), and “laughter is part of universal human vocabulary” and “an unconscious vocalization”, so I think the free speech argument would work. Next they’ll be arresting people for farting during Senate hearings.

  • Daniel

    I can’t believe I’ve only just noticed Cantwell’s name is a description of pretty much anything he attempts.

  • Wild Cat

    The next time I hear a wingnut make fun of the “hippie” look . . .

    Jesus H Fornicating Christmas—where do these phreaks come from? Are we that devolved as a species?

    • BadKitty904

      WE haven’t. The GOP has.

  • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

    so talking about genocide was a joke, but he’s been recorded talking about how daily stormer and how to “do this” legally.

    Not fucking smart.

    • Daniel

      I know not your point at all, but talking about genocide was a joke- yet people taking the piss out of him for crying like a child about having an arrest warrant was deadly serious and needed to stop RIGHT NOW because he’s got guns and you’ll see! MOOOOOOOM!

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        feel free to riff on it, y’all – it’s all terrible.

    • Lord Jim

      You don’t have to be stoopid to be in a Nazi…

      But you fit in a lot better.

    • Carpe Vagenda
      • MynameisBlarney

        Like anyone is gonna believe that shit.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          Well, the being bad at it is definitely a projection issue, because he’s Mr Defiant when he thinks he’s among friends.

      • Daniel

        It does evoke intense emotions- normally disgust, contempt, horror, and anger.

        For some reason though when those emotions are evoked by what the whining piss-weasel does, he complains that’s unfair.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Not necessarily?

        Hmm, so chicken and clumsily hypocritical. That’s interesting to know.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    Might have been better off with this guy for a lawyer:

    https://youtu.be/gQpaoLpKrMg

  • Bill D. Burger

    Damn! Even the second time, that Orange Foolius can’t even get it right.

    There is something seriously wrong with that fucker….Seriously wrong. I know…stating the obvious.

    https://twitter.com/JuddLegum/status/904037997234057216

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DIvOwt_W4AEgQtn.jpg

    • Resistance Fighter Astraea

      Truly predisential.

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      he adds: it’s been beautiful.

      I mean…I *guess* i get his point – seeing how the country comes together, despite our differences to help each other…but goddamn did he phrase it like shit.

      It’s a fossilized horse I’m beat now, but if obama or hillary had said this – whew boy, that would ahve been played and taken out of context OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER again.

      • Lord Jim

        If I had a nickel for every time that double standard was in evidence, I could afford to buy Trump’s debt.

      • Jamoche

        That would require empathy. I think he means it like an F/X fan does when they talk about apocalyptic movies.

    • SayItWithWookies

      That’s not psychotic avoidance of reality at all. Wow.

    • TJ Barke
    • (((Aron)))

      I tell you ‘hwut.

  • SayItWithWookies

    You know what goes really well with an early-1800s red waistcoat, velcro shoes and a straw boater? Tar and feathers.

  • Wolf Tracker
  • Bitter Scribe

    That Woodard guy sure likes his cosplay, doesn’t he?

    I suppose somewhere there exists a person who is really, really into cosplay and is also a well-adjusted individual who is comfortable in his or her own skin. Maybe someday I’ll meet that person.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Until then, come sit next to me!

    • Carpe Vagenda

      That would be my kid.

      • Courser_Resistance

        The few acquaintances I’ve known who were seriously into cosplay were pretty well-adjusted people, overall. Sure, they had normal challenges, like everyone else, but nothing out of the norm. At the same time, they have an extremely good sense of when cosplay is appropriate and when it’s not. Like, none of them wore their costumes to work except maybe on Halloween and holidays and stuff.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          Some of their friends bought an old girl scout camp in Jersey where they can do vaguely medieval things out in the woods in the middle of nowhere on the weekends and not bother anyone. It seems harmless to me.

    • Jamoche

      They don’t get attention because they keep it to appropriate situations.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      I go to Renaissance Festivals 3 or 4 times a year, dressed up in circa-1500 garb, and although I am comfortable in my own skin, many people would say I am not well-adjusted because I refuse to own a cell phone. I also have a Fairy Queen costume with wings, is that significant?

      • Bitter Scribe

        FWIW, I held out for years against cell phones. Basically, I was this guy:

        https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/7002d0abb5f71b11122634be0c9cc2087068d288069b48d28ac4515177f83e6e.jpg

        Then I finally got one, and now, typical me, I’ve gone in completely the opposite direction. I even got rid of my landlines.

        • Angela Ruzzo

          I am that guy. I don’t have cable either. I just don’t need a cell phone unless I am traveling, and then I get out an old flip phone from a drawer that my nephew gave me, and sign up for H20 Wireless 5-cents-a-minute plan. People say “But you can check your email anywhere!” But I don’t want to check my email anywhere, I can check it at home. They say “You can take photos anywhere and immediately post them to FB or email them” but I don’t use FB and I don’t take photos. They say “You can send texts!” but I don’t have any need to send or receive texts. My nieces and nephews are on their phone 24/7 and they always say “I don’t have time to call you” because they are always on their damned phones checking email and posting to FB and texting their every thought to their 2,746 internet friends. When my oldest niece came to visit me last year for 3 days, I don’t think her phone left her hand once. I think she took it to the toilet with her. When the other niece visited 2 years ago, she spent 4 hours every day checking and responding to texts and posting things to FB, instead of talking to me. So no, I have no use for cell phones.

          My local courthouse has banned cell phones. You can’t even take one into the building, you have to leave it in your car. People were in the middle of trials and kept checking their phones or taking calls or reading texts, and this became a real problem. Lawyers can have them, but they have to be on silent mode and they can’t use them during actual court proceedings.

  • Kiri the Unicorn

    “Here, for no reason, is another picture of Woodard in cosplay.”

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VMHnjUVbMqE

    • Angela Ruzzo

      Great scene, thanks!

  • Baconzgood
  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    OT, but this is a hell of a good thread. Worth reading the whole thing.

    https://twitter.com/SethAbramson/status/898302789964705793

    • Courser_Resistance

      LOL! Cheeto’s in for a Mueller colonoscopy!

    • Khavrinen

      I keep saying, instead of “Make America Great/Grate Again”, Trump’s slogan should be “It’s Just A Coincidence”.
      Seems like at least once a week we find out something that looks hinkey, and they want us to believe it’s not a conspiracy/collusion/nepotism/etc., etc., but only “just a coincidence”.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      Vladimir Putin has a girlfriend????!!!!! Is she human?

  • data_ninja

    All I can think of is Lionel Hutz
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=09nq4RFqiT8&t=221

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Iron Monkey

    Wouldn’t his velcro shoes stick to the carpet?

    • Angela Ruzzo

      Good question. I have a pair of shoes with velcro straps, and one day one strap came loose and my cat got stuck to it. I’d like to see that happen to this guy in court, because it was not a pretty scene.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    I am pretty sure these Nazis figure if they wind up offing themselves in a bunker, it’s all good so long as 10 or 11 million jews, blacks and liberals shuffle off their moral coils first.

    • Bitter Scribe

      Hey, that’s what Adolf Eichmann said!

      And then he hid in Argentina until the Israelis dragged his ass back across the ocean for trial and execution.

      • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

        That actually proves my point. They all think it’s worth it. Until it’s actually time to pay the piper.

    • weighmaster

      Lol, “moral coils”. Please leave it :)

  • coozledad

    Typical Campbell Law graduate. And mascot.

    • theCryptofishist

      He went to law school at a soup factory?

      • coozledad

        They crank out ‘chunky wingnut’ by the barrel.

  • Bill D. Burger

    CBS NEWS September 2, 2017

    Secretary Smertglasses’ continues to vie for the title of the Dumbest Son of a Bitch in this horrific cabinet:

    [Energy Secretary Rick Perry, a former Texas governor, is still taken aback by Hurricane Harvey’s devastation, but said conversations about climate change can wait.

    “No one has ever seen flooding like this,” he told CBSN in an interview Friday, noting that parts of Texas had seen 50 inches of rain.
    Perry declined to weigh in right now on whether the White House would make any changes to its stance on climate change.

    “We can line up scientists on both sides of this,” he told CBSN’s Stephanie Sy, but “this is not the time to be having this conversation.”]

    Just like Republicans after a mass shooting: “Now is not the time to discuss gun violence.”

    https://www.cbsnews.com/news/rick-perry-says-climate-change-debate-is-secondary-amid-harvey-destruction/

    • TJ Barke

      THIS IS EXACTLY THE TIME BECAUSE THIS IS EXACTLY THE SORT OF THING WE’VE BEEN WARNING YOU ABOUT!

      • OutOfOrbit

        write it on a 2×4 and … oh never mind, that won’t work

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      and of course like Jon Oliver demonstrated, that’s going to be one very lopsided set of two lines

      • Lord Jim

        The deniers/doubtors will show up in a VW Beetle with room for their luggage. The “affirmatives” will be 2 days getting bused in.

        • Raan

          By the way, that’s not two days of travel time. That’s two days straight of buses unloading.

      • suziq

        That is what I thought if immediately! John Oliver does have a way of illustrating points for us.

    • theCryptofishist

      Isn’t he a wingnut, x-tian, take-the-bible-literally sort? Because then I have to say is “Noah!” (with an aside about consistency.)

  • Count Awesome

    He should change his name to “Christopher Can’t-End-Well”.

    • Daniel

      Christopher Can’t [insert verb here] well.

    • altleftjohn

      Christopher cants well.

  • Wild Cat

    Overweight: Check.
    Alcoholic: Strong Possibility.
    Difficulty with Women: Probably
    Not Grounded in Reality: Yes.
    Not Grooming in Accordance to Age Group/Profession: Yes.
    Takes Serious Issues Seriously: No.
    Seeks Out Social Deviates to Defend: Yes.

    Wingnutia Level: 9.5

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Read the SPLC profile. Multi-substance issues, criminal record, got bounced from the Free State Project for advocating murdering cops.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        I read that. He has quite a history. And now he says he’s deeply hurt by being called the Crying Nazi, even though he filmed himself crying and posted it online himself. Something doesn’t fit here.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          the bedroom suburbs can be super weird. People don’t remember it, but the only reason Donald Trump got anywhere is that real estate was grossly undervalued bc middle class Manhattan and the Bronx just emptied out in the fifties and sixties when the white folks started running for the exits because brown people.*

          The problem from the other end was that because they defined trouble as something caused by not-white people in the city, people in the burbs missed a lot of shit their own kids were getting into.

          So you end up with people like this guy, who grew up comparing himself to the privilege he was surrounded by and feeling super ill-used that everyone gets to play victim but him without looking at his own culpability in throwing his chances away, because being born on third base doesn’t get you much if you’re eighteen with an attitude problem and a criminal record and the best and the brightest are flooding in from around the world to compete with you for entry level jobs.

          *or the far end of Brooklyn or Queens or Staten Island

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I’ve been studying this subject myself, and interestingly, a similar thing happens in small towns. My small college town had divisions 60 years ago – big, old houses on tree-lined streets where the white professors and lawyers and doctors lived, and smaller houses only a few blocks away where the middle-class people lived, and trailer parks and neighborhoods of very small 2-bed houses on tiny lots where the working class people lived, but nobody actually lived very far from anyone else as it was a small town, and we all shopped downtown and went to the same churches and schools. Then there was the “other side of the tracks” where all the poor black people lived and had their own school and churches. Schools weren’t integrated until 1965 when I was in 4th grade. The interesting thing was that we had only one high school, and everyone went there, rich and middle class and poor alike, black and white. But then in the late 60’s all the rich people began to move to new subdivisions south of town, and they built a new high school there in 1973, so all the rich white kids went to their high school, and the middle class and working class and poor kids went to the old high school, and distinct social divisions began to appear. The area south of town grew and grew and is now almost a separate town. A mall was built, and all the downtown stores, where everyone had mixed, disappeared. Many professional offices moved to the southern part of town. All the big houses downtown were cut up into crappy college student apartments and the old wealthy neighborhoods deteriorated into student slums. They built public housing where the black slums used to be. There were 4 “downtown” elementary schools, but now they are “magnet” schools because nobody lives downtown except college students and poor black people. The university football stadium was greatly enlarged with special box seats for the rich people to sit in so they didn’t have to mix with the rest of us. In order to get the best seats at the stadium you had to make a significant donation to the football team. The white working-class neighborhoods west of downtown all became student apartments or Section 8 housing, and all the people moved north and east of town.

            So in this little town of 100,000 people, where we all used to mix all the time at school and for shopping and at football games and church, where we all lived within a few blocks of each other, there are now very sharp divisions. It has reached the stage where people identify their social status by saying which high school they went to, or which Wal-Mart they shop at.

            And all the white middle class and working class people I know are terrified of the black people, which was not true 40 years ago. They buy guns and security systems and call the police if they see black teenagers loitering around, even though the teenagers are just waiting for the school bus.

            Things got worse when the state legislature redrew the district so that the educated liberal people, who are the majority since this is a college town, were split into two districts that both include large working-class neighborhoods, and suddenly we were electing Republicans to the legislature for the first time. We have had a Planned Parenthood clinic for 40 years…the legislature is trying to shut it down. The public County hospital was sold to a private hospital chain that doesn’t accept ACA plans.

            And the people who have changed the least are the white working class people, who have been left out of the decision making for 100 years. There is no industry here, they mostly work in small businesses such as auto repair or restaurants or construction or maintenance for one of the hospitals or universities, or for the local utility companies. Neighborhoods where they used to live have become either student slums or Section 8 houses. The City Council has become so snobby that they have forced all the trailer parks in town to close, so that upscale apartments or businesses can be built on that land. These people are ANGRY. And they all voted for Trump.

            And last year they built a third high school northeast of town, where most of the working-class people live, so now we have one high school for rich and middle-class white residents, a downtown high school for poor, mostly black residents, and a third high school for mostly white working class people. They bus the black kids around to try to even things out. They named the new high school after a prominent local black educator who spent her life working for integration, and many white people were upset about this (I went to junior and senior high school with her children, they were all brilliant students, she was an exceptional woman, she deserved the honor).

            Everything became dramatically worse after 2009 because the working class people lost their jobs when many small businesses closed and the universities and hospitals began outsourcing to save money, and the ones with subprime mortgages found that their houses had devalued by 30% and couldn’t be sold, and when a wife or husband lost their job due to the economic crisis, they couldn’t pay the mortgage and lost the house to foreclosure. So they got even angrier. But their anger has no focus – they don’t write letters, they don’t organize or unionize, they don’t fact-check, they are not articulate. However, they do vote.

            If you drive a quarter of a mile outside of town you are in a vast sea of farming communities for 125 miles or more in every direction, all of which are white and conservative and deeply religious. There is nowhere for the working class people to go, or to find better jobs. Ditto for the poor black people.

            I see what has happened better than most local people because I left this town for 25 years and only came back in 2009. All of my neighbors are white working-class people who are angry, and many of them have turned to fundamentalist religion for security, or to drugs and alcohol. They all own several guns. It is not the same town that it was when I left it in the 80’s.

          • Quercus

            This non-comment kept me immersed in the story from beginning to end – your words vividly capture a process that happened all over the country.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Sadly, you are right. And I don’t think there is any going back. We might just have to start over with a new blueprint.

  • altleftjohn

    🎶 Nazi’s my Party and I’ll cry if I want to 🎶

    • Count Awesome

      🎶Tears on my jailhouse pillow🎶

    • SeeTrain65

      🎶 The long and whiny road … 🎶

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      I love them!

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Hey, was estate planning guy in Leverage dressed as Sailor Moon one time?

    • Persistent Demme

      Something tells me that your estate planner doesn’t take things nearly as seriously as your other two lawyers.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        That’s going to be a problem when it comes time to pay the Death Tax.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Do you happen to have your criminal defense lawyer’s phone number handy?

  • ken_kukec

    “… I feel pretty confident that a literal videotape of you saying something is not hearsay.”

    Under Federal Rule of Evidence 801(d)(2) — and under state evidentiary rules modeled on it — the statements of a party are not hearsay when offered against that party at trial. That’s the way the big-city judges call ’em, anyway.

    • altleftjohn

      Yeah. Big city lawyers IN ROBES!

      • theCryptofishist

        Wigz LieBuzlllllzzzz!!!!11

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      your comment made me wonder if it’s a federal charge (which I doubt), cause I was curious how this attorney could get authorized to be in the federal bar.

      • ken_kukec

        Cantwell has been charged in the state district court for Albemarle county, Virginia. My understanding is that the civil-rights division of the Justice Department is also looking at the events in Charlottesville, too. Any such charges would be brought in federal court (although I have a hard time seeing how Cantwell, or James Fields, or any of these other right-wing clowns constitute “state actors” for purposes of the civil-rights statutes). I have a hard time as well seeing how Cantwell’s clownish lawyer would practice in federal court.

        • Angela Ruzzo

          Where is Cantwell from? Isn’t there something in the law about crossing state lines to commit illegal acts? I’m just pulling a bit of trivia here out of the back of my brain where it got stored 40 years ago, so maybe I’m wrong.

          • ken_kukec

            There’s something known as “the Travel Act” (18 USC section 1952), which outlaws interstate travel for the purpose of engaging in certain specified crimes. But that’s not a “civil rights” violation, and is ordinarily prosecuted by the local US Attorney’s office, rather than out of Main Justice.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Didn’t they use that against Tim McVeigh? Not that they really needed to, they had plenty of other charges.

          • ken_kukec

            McVeigh blew up a federal building, so there was direct federal jurisdiction in his case; they didn’t have to rely on an interstate nexus.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    I don’t get Nazis. I don’t understand, and I don’t even want to understand.

    And I really don’t get Buddhist Nazis.

    This just in from Myanmar:

    https://twitter.com/trbrtc/status/903977764361048064

    • Skadi

      There used to be a Buddhist monastery in the hills above Kyoto whose monks were notorious for coming to town as an angry mob and setting the place on fire if they got riled up. Every religion has ’em, I guess. *sigh*

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Woodard then offered what he said was a quote by comedian Jackie Mason

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/31abd6de1825cf4ee537339746b76f2fb2c6bd95095a3965c1eb6c2e82f8b84a.png

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    they will be easy to catch because they’re very fucking bad at it

    Says the guy who is on tape saying that he is glad an innocent person is dead…

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/cf013da18bc4c6cac1379ead46ce026919b49bee503b9ceb6bc55fffdb21d59d.jpg

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    Speaking of Nazis and their defenders:

    Be aware there are fake alt-right people posing as Antifa on social media and even Russian bots posing as Antifa.

    Also, there are a string of new fake Antifa websites and folks like Rush Limbaugh are promoting this as actual Antifa web sites.

    https://twitter.com/Huntr4myCountry/status/904040636751503360

    • Mehmeisterjr

      This surprises me… not at all.

    • Vincent Ricola

      They’ve been doing this for awhile now. See Milo and Louise Mensch.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      My father was an anti-fascist fighter in France. He had a helmet and a rifle and they called him PFC.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Mine too. They called him Lieutenant. Also my mother, they called her Captain, but instead of a rifle she had an anal thermometer, and she know how to use it.

  • Ms.MLG on Maui
    • (((Aron)))

      BAHAHAHAHA

    • Raan

      I will upvote any My Cousin Vinnie reference and I don’t care who knows it.

    • arglebargle

      I give that comment two utes.

  • Vincent Ricola

    Ah. The ole “faking the funk” defense. Crying nazi would’ve been used as an example in Hilter’s SS.

    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      “There is no crying in genocide”, Tom Hanks playing Hitler in ‘A Nationalist Socialist League of Their Own’.

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        “Did anyone ever tell you you look like a little penis with that hat on?”

    • mancityRed6

      what they don’t get and probably never will:
      “In a real fourth reich you’ll be the first to go”
      straight from “Nazi Punks, Fuck Off” and possibly the heaviest line of that song.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Elmer Woodard, who showed up to court wearing an “early-1800s-style red waistcoat with gold buttons, bowtie, white muttonchop whiskers, black velcro shoes, and a a 1910s-style straw boater hat

    Surely you jest?

    (clicks link)

    http://neoskosmos.com/news/sites/default/files/2011/July/110709_p15.jpg

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Cantwell faces three felony charges stemming from an incident at the University of Virginia on Aug. 11, in which he pepper-sprayed at least two people during a torchlight procession of hundreds of white supremacists who chanted Nazi slogans.

    Quickly now, Elmer dear, in what way is this a comedy routine?

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/497648a07b5e20be17cee01daa13f25156964ec2b560b160c97c6339bf5f0c16.jpg

    • theCryptofishist

      But his crying was obviously in solidarity with all those who have been pepper sprayed.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Because it was SO FUNNY when they doubled over with pepper spray in their eyes… Get it?

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • theCryptofishist

      *shudder*

    • Now this picture, this is a comedy routine.

    • kareemachan

      Now if she offered it on ebay, I would pay a dollar to be able to burn it with a sex blow-up doll wearing it. Just sayin…

    • Angela Ruzzo

      Hat matches gloves matches purse…did she have red shoes on too? This is like a dress code from 1957.

  • Vel Venturi

    This dude needs a lint brush.

  • ken_kukec

    “Woodard then offered what he said was a quote by comedian Jackie Mason …”

    I’m hoping for an anti-Semite who’s a lot more racist than Christopher Cantwell, someone who won’t give his daughter credit for his routine to a Jew.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Cantwell has characterized his actions as having been in self-defense and blamed the police for not clearing protesters away

    Now, there is room to criticize the Charlottesville police for what they did or didn’t do during that rally. But I am pretty sure “beating up protesters so white supremacists don’t have to” is not one of them…

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/6bf2bdd93786d15a53ce9abb9e905675fd4218681ecf1da43c26582fa152f30f.jpg

    • Carpe Vagenda

      If you recall, one of Ann Coulter’s more Maherian demands at Berkeley was that protesters be removed from campus so she didn’t have to deal with their speech.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        But when students do that today, she calls them snowflakes, right? Is there a Hypocrisy gene? Can we use frequencies to manipulate that, please?

  • Pisto75666

    “Amazingly, Woodard is claiming that Cantwell’s whole Nazi schtick is just COMEDY. Comedy that we are all not hip enough to get.”

    https://media.giphy.com/media/LEA3o7aT31A8U/giphy.gif

    • clairence

      No irony in white supremacists using a black comedy defense.

  • Mike Rhodes

    Would it be a violation of the rules to suggest that all these Hitler wannabes should just skip to the end of the playbook?

    • h4rr4r

      Yeah, Dok frowns on that.

      • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

        I do believe there should be a long list of exceptions to any non-commenting policies when the subject is real life Nazis.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    “do everything you can to catch them in lies because they tell them all the time and they will be easy to catch because they’re very fucking bad at it.”

    This easy evidence should surface right away. (files nails) Waiting. (sips coffee) Waiting. (watches Walking Dead marathon) Waiting.

  • La forza del resistino

    I’m not a big city lawyer, but I would’ve tried an Affluenza or Twinkies defense before a shock jock defense.

    • mancityRed6

      especially since it didn’t work for Jones

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Cantwell should have taken Hair Fuhrer’s advice: “he better hope there’s no tape”

  • Robert James Nugent

    I hate to be that guy, but the video IS hearsay. It’s an out of court statement used to prove the truth of the matter asserted.

    • Not sure that is what hearsay is.
      Hearsay:information received from other people that one cannot adequately substantiate
      In this case, the information was received by the actual guy’s own mouth and it can be pretty adequately substantiated. Fair sure that is at least an exception, being his own mouth and all.

    • mancityRed6

      from the wikipedia,
      “”Hearsay is a statement, other than one made by the declarant while testifying at the trial or hearing, offered in evidence to prove the truth of the matter asserted.” Per Federal Rule of Evidence 801(d)(2)(a), a statement made by a defendant is admissible as evidence only if it is inculpatory”
      and if you’re like me, again, wiki
      “Inculpatory evidence is evidence that shows, or tends to show, a person’s involvement in an act, or evidence that can establish guilt.”

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      Virginia Rules of Evidence (i’m not taking a side, it may be)

      “Hearsay. “Hearsay” is a statement, other than one made by the declarant while testifying at the trial or hearing, offered in evidence to prove the truth of the matter asserted.

      ” Prior statements. When a party or non-party witness testifies either live or by deposition, a prior statement (whether under oath or not) is hearsay if offered in evidence to prove the truth of the matters it asserts, but may be received in evidence for all purposes if the statement is admissible under any hearsay exception provided in Rules 2:803 or 2:804 (it’s not-TXDST). In addition, if not excluded under another Rule of Evidence or a statute, a prior hearsay statement may also be admitted as follows:

      (1) Prior inconsistent statements. A prior statement that is inconsistent with the hearing testimony of the witness is admissible for impeachment of the witness’s credibility when offered in compliance with Rule 2:613.

      (2) Prior consistent statements. A prior statement that is consistent with the hearing testimony of the witness is admissible for purposes of rehabilitating the witness’s credibility, but only if””

      • alpacapunchbowl

        I think if it can be authenticated it can be presented under prior inconsistent statements, but I don’t do litigation and I’m hella rusty on my hearsay rules and exceptions.

      • Robert James Nugent

        It is likely admissible evidence depending on what purpose offered for its use. I debated including that in my initial post. I’m just putting a very fine point on it. It is hearsay as defined under Rule 801 F.R.E. Hats off to Space Tacos for the Virginia citation.

        • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

          no worries…law is fun!

    • kareemachan

      That’s not what Judge Judy sez….

  • Gorillionaire

    OK, I admit it, I set Cantwell up. I did it from hundreds of miles away, and it was easy, just by using the “antifa” app on my Obamaphone. I just put my finger on the icon and then seconds later there was Cantwell on the TV acting like a jackass in Charlottesville, exactly like the app is supposed to work.

    • Are you changing his DNA?
      I just find it funny that these Nazi’s chuck their own nazi friends under the bus the very second they get caught. You would think one of em had the balls to attempt to go yeah I am a nazi and proud of it!

      • Gorillionaire

        “I’m just wearing this camo and Nazi armband to celebrate my heritage. That guy right there though, HE’S a real Nazi!”

      • alpacapunchbowl

        Give it time.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        They only do that when they are holding a gun, surrounded by friends holding guns, and they want you to get on the cattle car.

    • mancityRed6

      antifa app, is that on the google store?

  • The black velcro shoes make the outfit, really.

    • La forza del resistino

      maybe the velcro stickiness keeps him from tipping over while on carpet.

      • mancityRed6

        it’s cause he has trouble bending over long enough to tie the laces.
        at least, he looks it.

      • TundraGrifter

        I was wondering about that. Velcro to close them up (I’ve read these grandparent shoes have become popular with the youngs) or just shoes covered in Velcro?

  • Gorillionaire

    Please tell me there are more pictures of this “attorney” on the dark web somewhere except he is dressed in baby clothes licking a candy dildo.

  • mancityRed6

    I have empathy. sometimes, too much.
    I can’t imagine going through life with the name of “Elmer”
    (any of you non commenters that are named as such, please, feel free to non comment what you went through in school).
    but, my empathy has a limit.
    my name, I’ve only met 3 or 4 people in the past 43 years that had it. one was a salesman in training that came by the house for AT&T.
    I still, to this day, don’t dress up like that in public.
    everything has a limit.

    • Gorillionaire

      I had a ninety plus year old neighbor named Elmer and he was probably one of the nicest, smartest, coolest people I have ever known.

      • mancityRed6

        see now, I have a grandmother named Wanda.
        she is a conniving little…yeah…but I’ll put that down to her racy past.

        • Your grandmother is a fish?

          • mancityRed6

            might as well be at this point. at least her new beau won’t marry her so she can get his Navy pension. even my mom doesn’t talk about her anymore.

          • Wow.

          • mancityRed6

            I was 18 when a girlfriend asked me about an uncle I had, and she told me how he was actually a step uncle or something since my grandmother had had him out of wedlock before my grandfather married her.
            grandpa was cool as fuck. tailgunner in WW2 and an honest to god lumberjack in the Pacific northwest before he came to the midwest to farm. I really wonder what he saw in her.

          • kareemachan

            “I’m a lumberjack and I’m okay…”

            I can say this as my family worked for Weyerhaueser, my friends’ families worked for Weyerhaueser, and Weyerhaueser got me through college without any debt.

            Also, I was the first woman to work on the green chain in my town. Even if the guys drew dick pics on the lumber I had to pull…

          • mancityRed6

            he went through life with the name of Ninian, everyone just called him Doc. yeah, he was as cool as my other grandfather I knew.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            “It’s OK if you do that” has won many a men’s hearts… Allegedly…

          • mancityRed6

            I’m gonna say he came after uncle Lawrence did. and had never been in Kansas before.

          • alpacapunchbowl

            Considering the era, probably thought she was cute and fun, and then post-oopsie baby did what one was expected to do in that circumstance.
            My dad was conceived at a Navy dance. Unlike you though, unfortunately grandma and grandpa were both terrible people and alcoholics to boot, so the attraction wasn’t much of a mystery.

          • mancityRed6

            yeah, but I had to hear about this family secret second hand? I mean, come on.
            meh. it’s been 25 years. I’m over it.

    • Johnnymoreno

      How dou think think little “Adolph” felt?

      • mancityRed6

        I don’t understand guys who name their penis.

        • TundraGrifter

          Is that you, Winston?

        • kareemachan

          I named my SO’s penis. It was fun, but I am NOT going to tell you its name.

          Also, one of my father’s best friends was named Elmer. It took me literally years to figure out why he called him “June”. It was short for Elmer Jr.

          • mancityRed6

            I don’t even wanna know and I don’t wanna know if any of my SO’s did, either.

        • aloharob

          we name them so a complete stranger is not making all of our important decisions.

          • mancityRed6

            I just say, “heyyy, this guyyy” and be done with it.

        • Zyxomma

          Neither do I, but I used to fuck a guy who named his hands Tom and Harry.

          • mancityRed6

            I can honestly say I’ve never done that. I’ve heard about women naming their boobs but I’ve never asked.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      Well, I went to England to see King Richard III reburied, and I walked around Leicester wearing a copy of a 1485 gown, so I can’t throw stones. The difference is it was appropriate for the event, and it was gorgeous, and I looked stunning in it, and my name isn’t Elmer. 😃

  • Johnnymoreno

    So many eerie parallels. After the Beer Hall Putsch, Hitler too, used the “just kidding” defense.

    • TundraGrifter

      I hope The Crying Nazi gets Putsch’d right in the Beer Hall. With votes, of course. Also.

    • harryeagar

      Be good or you could be the other prisoner who has to take dictation for 2 years from Cryin’ Nzi for his political testament, ‘My Kerfuffle.’

  • So, the lawyer for the Crying Nazi (and can I just say, it pleases me something awful to note the capitalization on the term) quotes a Jew in this guy’s defense, but misattributes the quote, which was actually from a different Jew, but even the lawyer didn’t realize this because all Jews pretty much look alike to him?

    Sounds legit.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      Yeah, it’s pretty much the same thing as the idiots I read about mentioning DACA and Messicans in the same sentence, because the two DACA people I know are from Guatemala and Nicaragua, but they all look alike, right?

  • mancityRed6

    off to Lawrence tonight. liquor stores and World Market ’cause I don’t want my fancy shmancy coffee filters delivered via Amazon. trying to decide if I should leave early to look at work shoes since mine are wearing out. (I literally found them in the shed, at least 5, maybe 6 years after I last wore them), but I have good ‘Merican assembled Keens that are low top, waterproof (?) and heavy. I am perplexed.

    • TundraGrifter

      Some time ago I was given a second-hand gold coffee filter – never had to go paper again.

      • mancityRed6

        been there, tried that. way too much work.
        I’ll make at least 2-3 20 oz cups of coffee on one filter.

      • therblig

        i love my gold filter at home. at work, i use eco-pads in my senseo so i never have to use the office keurig and those fucking plastic cups.

        • TundraGrifter

          The first time I saw the disposable plastic cups I predicted somebody would come up with a reusable one.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Always Keens, if they’re allowed. That’s what I wear. And extra credit for the U.S. of Portland made ones…

      • mancityRed6

        this is what I don’t get. I wore a pair of Detroit lows for two years, with an average of 50+ hours a week and that’s how long it took for them to get uncomfortable. 2 years.
        I still have a pair of Braddocks that killed my legs for the first few weeks and were uncomfortable from then on. these are the ‘Merican assembled ones.

        • Beanz&Berryz

          I’ve been in the… slip-on Keens for a few years now… I bought a couple pairs when they were last being discontinued, so I’m not up on the latest models. I also wear the sandals too, when it’s sandals time. I do think the inner sole can break down.. over time… I am picky about shoes, comfort wise, and Keens have been working for me for awhile… But that next pair just might be too different…

          • mancityRed6

            yeah, I have another normal pair I’ve been wearing for the past 4 years or so.
            they took a backseat to a pair of ebay sandals when I was told about the creek at the dog park.

  • TundraGrifter

    I’m going out on a limb here and suggesting Mr. Cantwell, Esq., comes from some serious family money. And he appears to have a great deal of free time on this (somewhat pudgy) hands.

    • kareemachan

      Somewhat?

  • “pepper spray is really just a food product”

    –some RWNJ douchebag

    • mancityRed6

      I’ve tried that, and from a distance of 20′, it still made the steaks taste funny.

    • phoenix00

      In that case, I’m sure they don’t mind if I shoved it down their throats.

  • alpacapunchbowl

    I am a lawyer in a big city, and I can assure you that we all know that it’s the black velcro shoes in court that really send the message “I am a competent and serious attorney”. /s

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨
    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      This part makes me tear up a little:

      and now i can taste it coming
      i can taste it with my tongue
      and my children are so heavy
      but i pick them up and run
      and i know i’ll have to swim soon
      when the water gets too high
      i’ll keep on holding them above me
      i’ll keep on holding them and crying

      south by south west
      two miles from town
      i can’t get out
      i can’t look down
      if you can hear
      if you’re around
      i’m over here
      i’m watching
      everyone i love
      everyone i love
      drowning in the sound.

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    I have nothing. I just like typing “Crying Nazi”.

    • george lastrapes

      Try ‘Onan the BlubbAryan’.

  • mancityRed6

    alright kids, I’m heading out. you be good.
    I’ll be back around midnight with treats if you are.

  • TundraGrifter

    I’m not an expert, but I don’t think either of these outfits is “Ben Franklin.” Granted, he’s got the iddy-biddy eye glasses, but those look more like late 18th Century British army uniforms to me. As for what he wore to court, sounds like he put the “Dick” in “Dickensian.”

  • Bright Bart

    “Are you on drugs?!”

    http://youtu.be/lrZrpIgutwY

  • Lorindel Ó Loingsigh

    Phht… just some scam to push for a future retrial because of “Incompetent counsel”.

  • Walter Wellstone

    Well, I got news for you, you cryin’ little turd: y’all ain’t never gonna take power, capeesh? You know why? Because we won’t fuckin’ let ya, that’s why. Now go fuck yourself. Oh, and to your lawyer (“Elmer,”really, dude?) Your mom called and she wants you back in the house before supper.

  • chascates

    I’m ready to live on another planet.

  • Zombishroom

    Maybe Nazi needs his diaper changed. Something stinks.

  • Ulricii

    Hitler’s Beer Hall Putsch and now Cantwell’s Charlottesville Titki Torch March.
    I’m gonna say it because somebody has to: “Every event in history occurs twice, the first time as tragedy, the second time as comedy.”
    Larry, Curley and Moe are green with envy.

    • Begin Anew Day

      As am I about your apt observation!

      Well done!

  • andyshelt

    Crying Nazi, Christopher Cantwell, hates being called the crying Nazi.

    In an interview from jail, he told The Daily Beast:

    “One minute I’m a f*cking white supremacist terrorist and the next minute I’m a f*cking crybaby? I’m a goddamn human being.”

    So remember folks, the crying Nazi doesn’t like being called a crying Nazi so please remember it would be very cruel and would really upset the crying Nazi if everyone keeps calling him the crying Nazi.

    https://www.indy100.com/article/crying-nazi-christopher-cantwell-weeping-white-supremacist-balling-racist-7922126

    • Zyxomma

      Okay. From now on, I promise to refer to him as the blubbering Nazi.

      • Invisible Bunyip

        I actually prefer “snivelling Nazi”, but I’m in a minority there,

        • kareemachan

          Oops – I didn’t read responses, but I’m with you.

        • Zyxomma

          I prefer sniveling, as well. Sounds better. I thank you.

    • Jay Silversmith

      Once Cantwell engages in a little “hide the wiener” in jail, he won’t be so emotionally over-wrought.

    • kareemachan

      I’ve NEVER called him that. I call him the sniveling nazi.

      • Begin Anew Day

        You insult sniveling knaves everywhere when you say that!

    • Teary-eyed truppführer?

    • therblig

      if the crying nazi didn’t want to be called the crying nazi, perhaps he shouldn’t have been a nazi. crying.

    • Smibo

      Even after he’s released, he won’t be able to go outside because of the throngs of people trying to hand him a tissue. He’s gonna hate that too.

    • The Flaming Carrot

      Wait – didn’t he videotape himself blubbering and post it himself? What did he think would be the sequela of that?

    • Keith Taylor

      I try quite hard to be nice. If he doesn’t like that epithet I will find something more dignified and appropriate to call him. “Demented vicious craven exceedingly stupid person”?

  • SeeTrain65

    “Jackie Mason, let us note, is quite Jewish.

    As was Henny Youngman, BTW. Sorry to interrupt.

  • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

    Does he think that the insanity defense works for lawyers, too?

  • TundraGrifter
  • heather g-m

    It is a major injustice that there is no photo of the lawyer in his get up in court.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    I think it’s sweet that Kellyanne Conway lent him her inaugural duds. Who wore it better?

    • phoenix00

      NOT,K

  • NotALiar
  • ahughes798

    Should have been “follow in his goose steps.”

  • Begin Anew Day

    Is stupidity now a super-power? These guys may not be good lawyers or Nazi role players but they have potential as comic book sidekicks for super-villains.

    • Maybe

      I don’t know if it’s a super-power, but it seems to be an election qualification.

  • Relativicus

    “Yes, the Nazis want to overthrow our government the right way, like Hitler did.”

    Proof of concept.

  • “When I come down here for a permitted demonstration, championed by the
    ACLU, where the police are supposed to be clearing our enemies from our
    path, and then I find myself involved in a riot facing 20 years in
    prison, I got emotional, shockingly enough.”

    Clearing his enemies from his path… just fucking great, a lazy Nazi that wants the taxpayers to combat his ‘enemies’. Christ, Cantwell is the stupidest fucking asshole in these here United States.

    • ez

      quite simply, a whining poo-poo baby.

    • Jukesgrrl

      Every time I read that phrase “championed by the ACLU” my head almost splodes. They champion your right to be an asshole, you crying Nazi, they’re not championing your personal cause. He tries to make it sound like they signed up to lead the parade.

      • CovfefeOfTheThoughtlessMind

        The ACLU is officially done with supporting ARMED Nazis.

        • OrdinaryJoe

          About fucking time.

    • Keith Taylor

      I would hope so. But he is facing some fierce competition.

    • sarafina

      For a few hours. The orange shitgibbon tweets frequently.

  • Jeff Mc Donald

    Well…I’m no lawyer either, but he does have a point. It is hearsay. He said it, and everybody heard him. Now it’s true that’s not the legal definition of hearsay, but I think I can see what’s going on here. If he is ever convicted of a crime, he can merely claim he had ineffective counsel…et voila! not responsible again. Because race ipsa loquitor or some such.

    • BillEGoatSmirk

      Statements are admissible under the hearsay exception to the rules of evidence.

      • The Flaming Carrot

        This is pretty Baroque, but I don’t think the statements on the videotape were necessarily hearsay. They were out-of-court statements, but they weren’t being offered to prove the truth of the matter that they (statements themselves) asserted (i.e. “the driver of the car that hit Heather Heyer acted in self-defense.”) They were offered to prove that Cantwell was a danger to society and shouldn’t be granted bail. But you’re right, if Cantwell were on the videotape saying “I killed people”and he was actually on trial for killing people, it could have been admitted under the “statement against interest” hearsay exception.

        • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

          What I think he’s trying to say is that the statements are *prejudicial*, not hearsay. That he mixed the to up might be an indication that he’s not a very good attorney.

          • The Flaming Carrot

            Yeeeeup.

          • sarafina

            Yah think?

    • sarafina

      E – I – E – I – O

  • Maybe

    Sounds like a match made in Heaven. Those two deserve each other.

  • unionthuggery

    Nazis… It’s 2017 and these throwback shitgibbons are just roaming the damn countryside hiring colonial Williamsburg reenactment staff to lawyer for them. It’s like the SCA for assholes.

  • ryp

    If I were a mean spirited person I’d suggest they just skip the whole middle part and go straight to suicide in a bunker. But that wouldn’t be nice.

  • willi0000000

    OK . . . i admit it . . . i set him up . . . from my basement apartment . . . in the wilds of Massachusetts.

    [ i used my microwave ]

  • Jukesgrrl

    For his next courtroom surprise, Woodward’s going to call Alex Jones as an expert witness. He’ll testify that screaming out Nazi slogans is just something hilarious the alt-right does when they’re playing “characters” who are not themselves.

    • Bebecca

      He’ll testify that screaming out Nazi slogans is the new normal.

      • LucindathePook

        He’s right about that.

  • mfp, all 6s&7s&9s

    the lawyer, top photo….at least someone is getting some wear out of kellyanne’s inauguration day outfit

    • CovfefeOfTheThoughtlessMind

      RIMSHOT

      • SDGeoff3

        They did a nice job letting it out on the sides.
        And the waist and the hips…

  • The Flaming Carrot
    • CovfefeOfTheThoughtlessMind

      Parking lot jammed with clients’ cars, also too.

  • The Flaming Carrot

    SPA reenactment lawyers are the new orange. The next time I go to court, I’m wearing this outfit. Then I’ll start calling the Judge Martin Luther and insulting him. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/41dccbd4874070b820800352816ff28473f6814f61af55df5a5261f478b88850.jpg

  • WhoCheckedRussia’sVoterID

    So…hard left and unrelated black bloc like activists and extremists are not, at all, like the neo-nazi, alt-right, white supremacist christian extremists. Because only one side actively celebrates and intends to use gas chambers to exterminate their “enemies”.

    I am not a fan of violence. I’m less of a fan of false equivalencies.

  • MCLepus

    why am I not surprised he’s a fucking REDCOAT?

  • Empress of the Iguana People

    Argh! In historical cosplay, you don’t wear a Victorian hat with a 17th century coat! It’s the equivolent of wearing Wonder Woman’s tiara while dressed as Beast

    • george lastrapes

      With the right foundation garments, it could be done.

    • Sakonyachen

      As long as beast is comfortable in the tiara, who are we to judge? Plus I don’t like the idea of pissing Beast off anyway.

  • Ergoetal

    Wondering if Cantwell will wear that little outfit when he gets his new job on Fox.

    • SDGeoff3

      Would we be surprised?

  • mary5920

    Please let him sit down in a rickety 18th century chair that was intended for a 98 pound person for his courtroom drama.

  • svejk

    cantwell, author of “mein scheisskopf.”

    • Seth Guyette

      When his trial comes, it will be “mein schadenfreude” for the rest of us, even more so than since he first posted his crying meltdown video. X-D

  • Delu

    I hope they DON’T learn from Hitler’s mistakes.

    Because right now, suicide in a bunker seems like a pretty appropriate end for all of these a holes.

    • Let’s skip all of the nasty genociding and warring, though, shall we, and skip straight to the bunker part, okay? Can we just agree on that much?

  • Nigel R. Toppinglift, III

    Oh, God, I do love me some batshit crazy…

  • eastcoastlib

    It’s gonna be springtime for Hitler and derpery

  • Mysterious Masked Wrestler

    He’s asking people to monitor his adversaries in case they say anything that could help his defense and then immediately goes on to unironically compare himself to Hitler, completely destroying the “comedy” defense put forth by his novelty lawyer. Fucking idiot.

  • James Baskin

    I’m think of starting a campaign to correct an egregious misnomer. Not only are these people not conservatives, they are not the ‘right.’ They are the ‘wrong.’ So can we start calling them the alt-wrong and refer to their movement as ‘unite the wrong?’ Because they are phucking wrong on every single issue they blather about. They’re wrong about equality, about labor, about education, about violence, about the environment, about trouser cuffs, about ……… I know I left at least 100 things out. Help me if you like.

  • Internet Hitler

    Is Cantwell saying he has only one ball?

  • whitroth

    Classic mob line: now, I don’t want anything to happen to my accusers, I mean, it would be a crime and a real shame if something did…..

    Can we get another criminal charge out of that?

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