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Mark Taylor is a retired firefighter. Also, he is a prophet. HE IS A FIREFIGHTER PROPHET. He co-authored a book about himself titled The Trump Prophecies: The Astonishing True Story of the Man Who Saw Tomorrow… and What He Says Is Coming Next, and has been making the rounds on the weird rightwing conspiracy theory radio shows lately, because of how he predicted Trump would win using “Bible numbers” or some such junk.

He stopped by a radio show hosted by one Sheila Zilinsky last week to talk about some other stuff he made up and to warn us about what the queers are doing to the soil that the Freemasons and the Illuminati are using a special frequency to change everyone’s DNA into DNA that hates Donald Trump. WHOA IF TRUE!

“I believe what happened on November 8 is the enemy has literally sent out a frequency, if you will, because remember last time we did your show on frequency, we literally got shut down […] those who are tapped in to his frequency, and it agitated and took control, basically, of those who have their DNA turned over to the enemy. That’s what’s happening is that The Illuminati, the Freemasons, all these people, their main goal is to change the DNA of man and they’re doing it through these frequencies, through the bombardment. Whether it’s the mainstream news media, whether it’s rock and roll music.”

Oh.

Taylor explained that people need to listen to “good news” and not the apocalyptic stuff, because even though the apocalypse is happening, it’s a bad time for that kind of news.

He then said he has been “bombarded with emails” from Christians who say, “Look, I support Trump, but everybody in my family has isolated me, everybody in my church is not talking to me.” Now, most people would hear that and go, “Yeah, because no one wants shit to do with people who voted for this! They think you are a bad person now, and do not want to interact with you!” But Taylor has another theory, namely that Freemasons and the Illuminati are broadcasting things at 440hz, which he claims damages your body organs and changes your DNA into DNA that doesn’t like Donald Trump, or people who voted for Donald Trump. This frequency also makes people part of the Illuminati bloodline, which he claims is their goal. To what end? I do not know.

Narcissistic conspiracy theories are on the rise these days, and this is an exciting new addition to the family. Rather than consider that people might, you know, disagree with them, many Trump supporters have decided everyone actually does agree with them, or would, if they weren’t being brainwashed, paid by George Soros (paid protesters) or forced due to social pressure (“virtue signaling”). How that social pressure even exists when everyone actually agrees with them is unknown.

It’s sort of their version of Occam’s Razor. It is so bizarre and unthinkable to them that people would disagree with them or not think like they do, that vast and complicated conspiracy theories are literally the more believable option. This is, I suppose, your brain on the complete lack of empathy that is required to vote for Trump in the first place.

As it turns out, the 440hz thing is a conspiracy that’s been around for a while, and it is genuinely bizarre. First of all, it doesn’t actually have anything to do with the “frequency” that news is broadcast in. That is not a thing. It has to do with music and tuning. The standard tuning for most music is A440 — meaning that the A above C is tuned to 440hz, which is 440 vibrations per second. There are some variations, particularly in orchestral music (435hz was the standard for a long time in France, so sometimes they use that standard for more authenticity), but 440hz been the standard since 1955.

Some people think this frequency was invented by none other than Joseph Goebbels to brainwash people and making them feel anxious. They think 432hz is better for weirdly mystical reasons I can barely understand, including chakras and the number of Buddha statues on Mount Meru. Also C528 for other reasons. You can even go and buy music that has been converted to C528 for your listening pleasure.

What this has to do with broadcast news, I honestly do not know. From what I can tell, Mark Taylor is the only person saying this. It sort of sounds like he heard part of this conspiracy theory and then just made up his own thing from there.

Sort of like the telephone game, but for adults who are stupid.

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[RightWingWatch / jakubmarian.com]

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  • Treg Brown

    “440hz thing is a conspiracy…”

    What’s the fucking frequency Kenneth.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Oh good lord, it’s that devil rock music. Every. single. time.

  • Hemp Dogbane

    We need to ask Kenneth about the frequency.

  • Randy Riddle

    A conscience is the really the only thing that prevents me from turning gobbledygook garbage like this into a book that I can sell to some Trump supporters with loose cash.

    • grindstone

      I’ve been wondering how to monetize the idiocy, as well, but then I have to look at myself every morning.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        My working life is how I have managed to monetize my own idiocy, but I haven’t found a way to expand beyond that.

      • GunToting[Redacted]

        Please look for my new line of “Non-GMO bottled water.”

        • bobbert

          Gluten-free

  • DerrickWildcat

    I mostly listen to Jazz so I’m safe.

    • TimResistit

      My condolences.

    • BreakingDeadMen

      Do you smoke the jazz cigarettes, too?

      • DerrickWildcat

        I have to.

        • Oblios_Cap

          I’ll bet your jazz hands are fucking awesome!

  • Rebel Scum with permit

    Was told by a “friend” that I was “brainwashed by all those left wing blogs”. Is Wonkette sending secret signals? Is ” canned clams” a code word?

  • Gayer Than Thou

    Does anyone remember which radio frequency they told to listen to if we want to tighten our chin line and tone our buttocks? I forgot to take notes at the last meeting. Thanx!

    • BreakingDeadMen

      Setting 888

    • Oblios_Cap

      I’ll have to get my Little Orphan Annie Decoder Ring and figure it out.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        Don’t bother – it just says “Eat more canned clams.”

        • Oblios_Cap

          YOU MONSTER!

          • Gayer Than Thou

            I’m not the monster – Little Orphan Annie, now she’s a monster.

      • The Wanderer

        “drink. Your. Ovaltine.”

        • Yellerduck

          Drink, you’re Ovaltine.

          DT

      • GunToting[Redacted]

        Drink your Ovaltine?!?

    • OneYieldRegular

      No, but if you play a vinyl Beatles record backwards you can amplify those frequencies in a really dangerous way.

    • TimResistit
  • Bub, the cynical zombie
  • Oblios_Cap

    It sounds like he might have been retired from firefighting from having heavy beams fall on his head one too many times.

    • TimResistit

      I blame smoke inhalation.

    • Hemp Dogbane

      My daughter & I were talking this morning about a young man who is my neighbor, and she said she had babysat him. “He was squirming and I dropped him.”

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Rock and roll is all fine and well, but I’m more in the mood for this genre after reading this story:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WkZ5e94QnWk

  • beingreleased

    https://twitter.com/MaxBoot/status/903604403743154176
    The weird thing is, having cameras everywhere has revealed lots of police misconduct, but no bigfoots.

    • Oblios_Cap

      And the fact that it still does with all of the cameras out there shows just how little they care about getting caught.

    • TimResistit

      “The weird thing is, having cameras everywhere has revealed lots of police misconduct, but no bigfoots.”

      Now that’s good.

      • beingreleased

        I won’t lie. I stole this joke from xkcd.
        https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/settled_2x.png

        • armed_bears

          And bigotry.

      • Creepoman

        Any yet:
        2010-present, TV shows devoted to finding Bigfoot, UFOs, and ghosts: Lost count but guessing about 20
        2010-present, TV shows devoted to finding, charging, and prosecuting violent cops: exactly 0

    • chortlingdingo

      Bigfoots are magic.

      • Ninjas. Magic ninjas.

        • beingreleased

          My 5 year old is a ninja. At least, that’s what he tells everyone.

  • therblig

    the stupid, it Hz

    • Covfefe’s Evil Twin

      I don’t like the sound of this …

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        nor the frequency of puns around here.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Please come to the front desk to claim your prize.

    • OddMan

      Kenneth is that you?

    • armed_bears

      That’s why you never hear about aural sex anymore.

      • SDGeoff3

        Good one here, too!

    • Opalescent Riddles

      To be sure, this guy’s a few oboes short of an orchestra.

    • SDGeoff3

      Now that is good.

  • BigCSouthside

    So you are a firefighter prophet.

    Why did you have to go put out out fires? Couldn’t you do some prophetic shit and stop them before they happened?

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Seriously. Firefighter/prophet is an excellent skillset, if he would only actually use them.

    • Pilotshark

      kind of like Radar in MASH, except he hears fires.

      Oh look max has that look on his face.
      Yep, better head for the trucks.

    • OneYieldRegular

      “How ’bout a little firefighter/prophet, Scarecrow? HEHHHH! Hehehehehe!”

  • GoutMachine

    What does a “firefighter prophet” do, exactly? Try to predict the next four-alarm? Commune with Dalmatians? See visions of R’hollor in the flames?

  • therblig

    this is what happens when you drink from the firehose

  • yyyaz

    At my age, I can’t afford to have many more of my brain cells committing mass suicide by being exposed to these moranz.

  • Hemp Dogbane

    He’s right. I despise Trump right down to my DNA, and should I decide to reproduce again, it will be with a fellow Trump-hater, so that her mitochondrial DNA passe the hate down to Hemp, Jr.

  • ManchuCandidate

    My head hertz from all the stupid of the Firefighter Profit.

  • The Wanderer

    Holy Hastur’s Hairy Hemorrhoids, what the fuck was this guy smoking? Was he huffing fire retardant chemicals?

  • elviouslyqueer

    I’m not saying that Mark Taylor looks like he probably lives in a white panel van down by the river, but Mark Taylor looks like he probably lives in a white panel van down by the river.

    • P’jama Pahnts

      with a tear-stained mattress in the back?

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        Those aren’t tear stains…

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      You said it.

  • DerrickWildcat
  • OrG

    I don’t need “bibble numbers” to know this guy’s full of shit.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Jesus. If he shouted, “LOOK WHAT HAPPENED TO RHODESIA!” at the end, he’d sound just like my old neighbor, Paranoid Lloyd.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    because remember last time we did your show on frequency, we literally got shut down

    “We couldn’t help ourselves–we were so busy ROTFL that we couldn’t pay attention to our monitoring work!”

    – technical staff that is in charge of maintaining the broadcast of this comedy

  • grindstone

    Silly Wonkaflowers, you obvs didn’t attend a fundamentalist church. Mr. TaylorProphet up there clearly has been blessed with the gift of DISCERNMENT, which, if I remember correctly, translates to: DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT ARGUING WITH HIM YOU HEATHEN GOD HAS SPOKEN TO HIM AND NOT YOU!

  • ManchuCandidate

    He discovered the Bullshit Note.

  • elviouslyqueer

    It has to do with music and tuning.

    Sorry Nickelback. You lose again.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    So do we need to remodulate the deflector shields? Again?

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    To what end? I do not know.

    Don’t ask me, but if it doesn’t involve an Islamic homosexual orgy while someone reads from the work of Karl Marx while accompanied by rock music, I’ll be sorely disappointed.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Rock ‘n’ Roll music!? Holy shit, you mean we’ve been bombarded by these frequencies since back before Bill Haley and the Comets?

    • elviouslyqueer

      Elvis, you got some ‘splainin to do.

      • grindstone

        Elvis said, “Don’t be cruel to a heart that’s true”, ergo, Elvis was a better xtian than this guy.

      • OneYieldRegular

        Apparently the frequencies are generated by hip gyration.

    • JoeChristmas

      And don’t even get him started on that “urban” music.

  • That’s what’s happening is that The Illuminati, the Freemasons, all these people, their main goal is to change the DNA of man and they’re doing it through these frequencies, through the bombardment. Whether it’s the mainstream news media, whether it’s rock and roll music.”

    DNA DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY!

  • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

    OT:
    This is trump today:
    https://twitter.com/realdonaldtrump/status/903603043714957312

    This is CNN right now: (But i’m sure it’s a democratic mayor’s attempt to make Trump look bad).
    Harvey aftermath: ‘We need an army of FEMA agents,’ Houston mayor pleads

    Houston’s mayor, meanwhile, made a public plea to the federal government Friday: Advance money and other assistance to us quickly.

    Most of Houston is drying out, and people are starting to pile debris in front of their homes, Mayor Sylvester Turner said.

    “We need immediately, right now, just for debris removal alone, anywhere between $75 million to $100 million,” Harris told CNN’s “New Day” on Friday.

    “We need housing assistance. We need an army of FEMA agents on the ground to be assisting people, not just in shelters, but (also) people who are in their homes, so we can get them financial assistance they need to they can start transitioning.”

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      this is nice time though:

      ‘The Federal Emergency Management Agency said Friday that more than 103,000 storm victims have been approved for emergency assistance, including financial aid for rent and lost property. More than $66.4 million has been approved for this help, FEMA said, with 264,000 additional applications pending.”

    • So who are you going to believe – the Mayor or some sleezy congresscritter asking only for prayers?

      http://www.rawstory.com/2017/09/send-prayers-texas-republican-turns-down-donated-blankets-beds-manpower-from-canada/

    • Darrell Imaginarian

      There’s probably going to be well in excess of 50 billion dollars in uninsured damages, since most people flooded lived in neighborhoods not on the FEMA 100 year flood zone charts. A few billion is chicken feed, but we haven’t even seen a consensus on that.

  • stumpknocker

    shit, trump will be selling tin foil hats by monday. labor day special, it will be yuge.

  • WIDTAP

    “All these people, their main goal is to change the DNA of man and they’re doing it through these frequencies, through the bombardment”

    CRISPR Cas9 Libulz!

  • Oblios_Cap

    Jeff Foxworthy has really let himself go.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Thomas Friedman LIBEL!

  • Gayer Than Thou

    I mean, I guess if you played a note at 440 loudly enough on big enough speakers right next to your body, it might damage your organs…? Especially if it fell on you.

  • jaspersdad

    Far off topic:

    “Canadians are able to identify as gender neutral on their passports from Thursday under changes that have been enthusiastically welcomed by rights campaigners.

    Canada becomes the first country in the Americas to allow its citizens to use an “X” category, joining those in Australia, Denmark, Germany, Malta, New Zealand and Pakistan. India, Ireland and Nepal are among the countries that provide various third-options.”

    https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/aug/31/canada-introduces-gender-neutral-x-option-on-passports

  • Wolf Tracker
    • stumpknocker

      it needs the “make pussy great again” logo

    • snigsy

      Hah!

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “Sure, after he retires, now he’s a prophet. We could have been on the spot before fires even started, but no, this guy saves it for retirement.”
    — His former chief

  • Gayer Than Thou

    If exposure to 440hz changes people’s DNA so they hate Trump, why the fuck did the Democrats not get on this before the election? Thanks for nothing, Debbie Whatsername Schultz!

  • Oblios_Cap

    If he was really a prophet he would have won at least three Powerball lotteries by now.

  • JMP

    Isn’t that the “You might be a redneck if…” shitty hack comedian?

  • Major_Major_Major

    Now I am totally confused. Sexual preference is a choice, but who you support for prednisent is hard-wired into your DNA, and is subject to change using acoustic gene splicing?
    https://media.tenor.com/images/3671c7e17f1d34a2cf57c56f22ad34e4/tenor.gif

    • WIDTAP

      Oooo! Unicorn farts!

    • Gayer Than Thou

      As it turns out, Cher’s recordings all include a particular note that affects your DNA and makes you gay.

      • yyyaz

        Her producer stole it from Judy Garland.

  • Bright Bart

    Mark Taylor is a retired firefighter. Also, he is a prophet. HE IS A FIREFIGHTER PROPHET
    he is…Ron Swansons ugly cousin

    • Latverian Diplomat

      As a sax player, Ron Swanson knew his 440’s from his 432’s

  • Beanz&Berryz

    With all those 440 Hzs around, so much for all those GMO-free foods, suckers!

  • DerrickWildcat
  • La forza del resistino

    Play the radio broadcast in reverse and call Paul McCartney to tell him you’re glad he is still not dead.

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

    Has it been noted that Taylor is A Idiot?

  • Covfefe

    All I want to know is whether regular tin foil protects you from 440 or whether I have to go get something to else ?

  • Oblios_Cap

    Are Retired Firefighter prophets better than, say, the Miss Cleo types? If so, how?

  • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

    OT:
    Nope, no climate change here.

    “Irma was designated a tropical storm Wednesday morning, and by Thursday afternoon, it had strengthened into a large Category 3 hurricane, with winds of 115 mph.

    Such explosive strengthening is known as “rapid intensification,” defined by the National Hurricane Center as having its wind speed increase at least 30 knots (35 mph) in 24 hours.

    “Irma has become an impressive hurricane,” the National Hurricane Center said Thursday, noting the rapid intensification. “This is a remarkable 50 knot (58 mph) increase from yesterday at this time.”

    Hurricane Harvey underwent rapid intensification just before it made landfall late last Friday, strengthening quickly from a tropical storm into a Category 4 hurricane when it moved onshore near Corpus Christi, Texas

    “Irma is a classic “Cape Verde hurricane,” a type of hurricane that forms in the far eastern Atlantic, near the Cape Verde Islands (now known as the Cabo Verde Islands), then tracks all the way across the Atlantic. Cape Verde storms frequently become some of the largest and most intense hurricanes. Examples are Hurricane Hugo, Hurricane Floyd, and Hurricane Ivan.”

  • whitroth

    Hey, I’m a profit, er, prophet, too! After the three HUUUUUGGGEEE stories yesterday, I have seen the future in my mind all day: it’s the top of the Trump Tower in NYC. Over there’s the Empire State Building. On the roof, there’s Melania, in a long, slinky white nightgown, lying down. There’s Trump, standing up and roaring, and beating his chest.

    And here come the half a dozen biplanes…..

    To mix metaphors, eat hot molten jury GUILTY verdicts, monkey-boy!

  • Bright Bart

    448 Hz makes you hunt pokemons up your own asshole.

  • jesterpunk

    The apocalypse, rock and roll music and christians? Does that mean Corey Taylor is the Illuminati or is he a freemason?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PMLsF8ajI6U

  • Jamoche

    “many Trump supporters have decided everyone actually does agree with them, or would, if they weren’t being brainwashed, paid by George Soros (paid protesters) or forced due to social pressure (“virtue signaling”)”

    It’s the same logic fundevangelicals (and the Left Behind books) use to explain why everyone isn’t their kind of Christian: we all know the fundies are right, we’re just stubbornly doing something else for *handwave*.

  • Ωbjectifier

    Kenneth?

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      The firefighter HAS to be Kenneth

  • Ms.MLG on Maui

    Look. If these people are going to alter my being and stuff, I would appreciate a useful change, like fixing my vision, or giving me nicer legs, and the ability to eat all the cheese I want and never gain any weight. I would also like to be able to fly. That would rock. Anything else is just useless. No one had to change me to get me to hate Trump, or his supporters. They’re so gross, I can’t help it.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Bigger penis. I mean, for me, not you. Or for you too, I guess, if you want.

      • Oblios_Cap

        A ballsey wish, indeed.

    • Oblios_Cap

      I would really like to be able to teleport from my house to any point in the world, spend some time there, and teleport back.

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        this! airplane flying sucks!

        • Oblios_Cap

          Driving for hours – gone!

          • Ms.MLG on Maui

            So much time saved!

    • therblig
    • toughsister

      I wish for you the sexiest legs since Betty Grable’s and all the ripe Camembert you can snarf down.

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        You are too sweet! I hope those wishes come true, but I suspect my legs will go on looking like my Dad’s legs. Damn his DNA to hell. Sigh. I’ll just have to settle for being almost perfect! ;)

  • Major_Major_Major

    440 Hz, is that the fabled brown note?
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gt6PS85Winc

  • PubOption

    He goes to great (wave)lengths to ensure his prophecies are accurate.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    So, Take me back to 435
    No, you can’t go back to 435
    Been a long time gone, Oh 435
    Why did 435 get the works?
    That’s nobody’s business but some jerks
    440
    440
    440
    440
    Concert tuning A was once 435
    Why they changed it I can’t say
    People just liked it better that way

  • Holly

    Dang! There you go again. Now I need a Firefighter Prophet to go with my Stylishly Tough Viking. So many spectacularly brilliant men to choose from. What’s a girl to do?

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      He must have been a real asset to his department, what with knowing ahead of time where all the fires would be.

      • Holly

        Of course! He would have known that. That never even crossed my mind. Oh, wait a second my mind was being bombarded with frequency so how could I have known that he knew what he knows.

    • MynameisBlarney
      • Holly

        Danke Danke Danke

        • MynameisBlarney

          Bitte Bitte Bitte

    • toughsister

      Become a lesbian, practice witchcraft and kill your children? That’s what Pat Robertson say happens to women who work outside the home and open bank accounts without their husbands’ permission.

      • Holly

        Pat Robertson is another one of those spectacularly brilliant men.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Date a unicorn!

  • Jgb979

    For reals though,

    If anything is operating at 440hz, it’s the frequency of Trumps voice. I for one get anxious, queasy, and feel the need to evacuate my bowels

    Why not frequency 666hz?

    I might be this crazy if all I did was prophesied fires

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      i don’t think that’s the frequency.

    • Wolf Tracker

      I get the sudden urge to punch my computer when ever he speaks.

    • Catstro

      The Mythbusters were wrong! The Brown Note is real!

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        While there isn’t a brown note per se, interesting things happen to you physiologically from extreme low notes, especially at high volumes.

        • Rags

          Is that why dubstep makes my ears bleed? I wondered about that.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            No, it’s just baaaaad

      • coozledad

        Brown note generator in action;

        Found that video of a horse playing with a squeaking rubber chicken you were all looking for pic.twitter.com/FHbBPC38Cu— Paul Haine (@paul_haine) May 13, 2017

        • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

          i love seeing it slowly dawn on that horse: “When i do this, it makes a sound I like. I’LL KEEP DOING IT!”

        • Good_Gawd_Yall

          Somebody get the ‘president’ one of those, STAT!

        • OneYieldRegular

          This is one of the greatest things I have ever seen.

          • coozledad

            If Napoleon had had eight hundred of those, he’d have won.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Kushner DOES own 666 5th Avenue. And he’s next to preznit turnip everyday.

  • Wolf Tracker

    I would be more concerned that chemical smoke inhalation damaged his brain cells and DNA.

    Someone find out why he retired and was it for medical/psychological reasons?

  • Amelia Resists and Persists
  • Ωbjectifier

    Still doesn’t explain bagpipes.

    • Major_Major_Major

      Thin ice there, buddy. Thin ice. Some of us like the dulcet tones of constipated geese.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      or banjos

      • Or violas.

      • Oblios_Cap

        I like banjos. And guitars and harmonicas.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          I do too, but even banjo players tell banjo jokes

          • Oblios_Cap

            some sort of internal dueling?

    • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

      Libturd conspiracy to make men wear dresses.

  • jesterpunk

    Is Eddie Van Halen and his brown sound involved in this conspiracy?

    https://legendarytones.com/edward-van-halen-brown-sound/

  • Nockular cavity

    Wait, why isn’t a “firefighter prophet” out preventing fires before they start?

  • snigsy

    I am going to put a tin-foil hat on each of my kitties to save them from the Illuminati, Freemasons, and Joseph Goebbels. As I write this, it is clearly too late for me.

  • Ryan Denniston
  • SomeBigRedDog

    Huh. Rock music can change your DNA. I must have missed that day in all of my genetics courses in college.

    P.S. – Genetics is a super boring subject and I changed my major to microbiology after my sophomore year, so I’m not an “expert” in the subject by any means.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Disco explains where all those darned X-Men came from.

  • Phoenixdoglover

    My brain hertz.

    • Covfefe

      Ohm. Ohm. Ohmmmmmmmmmmmmm

    • Latverian Diplomat

      That joke rings a (deci)bel.

      • Rags

        but doesn’t phase me

  • Vincent Ricola

    Scotch and sodas are about to change my DNA in less than 5 minutes and I can’t flipping wait.

    • Oblios_Cap

      I’m heading off to fucking not work for the next 2 weeks, so I’m happy.

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    So many brave men died in those towers on 9/11 and this one… Ok I will not end this sentence because I am a decent human being.

  • SomeBigRedDog

    Will somebody just tell me what queers are doing to the soil please? There’s no way I’m listening to that shit myself.

    • MynameisBlarney

      They’re aerating it?

    • stumpknocker

      being queer, i just wonder what is the big deal.

    • jesterpunk

      They are sending in lesbian farmers to make everyone get gay Shakira married as part of Agenda 21 and the plot to make MRA’s and Incels not get dates.

      • SomeBigRedDog

        Wait, are the Incels trying to date lesbians? I may have identified their main problem.

        • jesterpunk

          They where trying to date women but the lesbian farmers turned them to lesbians with their big carrots.

          • SomeBigRedDog

            See, I prefer baby carrots. That must be why I can’t get a date.

          • Oblios_Cap

            Spaghetti. You can slurp noodles with, say, a Tramp.

  • TJ Barke
  • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

    Someone has a Jeff Foxworthy fetish.

  • SayItWithWookies

    What does Keith Richards tune his guitar to? Because I’m gonna use that frequency and just be impervious to everything.

    • Opalescent Riddles

      Bourbon.

  • A facebook friend unfriended a couple of people who were promoting the 440 theory. I didn’t blame him. It ‘s so fucking stupid.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    ♪ Sometimes love don’t feel like it should
    You make it hertz oh good ♪

    Now I get it!

  • TJ Barke

    Can they use a frequency to give me Fight Club Brad Pitt’s body?

  • Beanz&Berryz

    DNA is this magical stuff, like God, that goes to the core of our being, and sound can CHANGE this Bodily Essence, the Right Sound, and our Enemy(ies) are using this Right Sound for Evil.

    Fucking ignoramus MORAN…

    • Latverian Diplomat

      DNA is a powerful “Science word” like “frequency”, “energy” and “quantum”.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        And Evil Forces can change them, for Evil… which is why people oppose Our President… they were Changed from Good, by hearing an A, or maybe not hearing it.. it was just there… bombarding their poor innocent bodies… beating their Loving DNA into Hateful DNA

    • Covfefe

      Can we pray away the DNA?

      • Beanz&Berryz

        We could, of course, but then where would we be?

  • Latverian Diplomat

    This sort of mind control through music has been tried before:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TtedDwFT5lo

  • toughsister

    Prophet? Why not? Prophets are a dime a dozen in the United States of Dumbfuckistan. I personally saw on TV a long time ago Jim Bakker (convicted felon and rapist) called by one of his toadies “a prophet of God”.

    • Permit-holder Ron

      I think you misheard. What he actually said is that Bakker wants to ‘profit off God.’

  • Holly

    This totally explains why hating Trump has become my favorite pastime.

  • Grokenstein

    “THE APOCALYPSE IS COMING!! QUICK, THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS!!”
    The 21st Century isn’t shaping up quite the way we imaged it would, is it

  • proudgrampa

    I play all my music at C528.

    Sounds like Black Sabbath at 78 rpm.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    the 440Hz goofiness is based upon the notion that the universe vibrates at 432Hz, which is complete nonsense. Also too, orchestras got into a bit of an arms race with tuning- the higher the hertz, the more energy imparted to the strings. That is why they codified A-440hz (plus, it standardizes tuning and it’s easier on stringed instruments not to put so much tension on them). BTW, with the exception of the bottom A on a piano, ALL of them Katie are above C (at least some C)

  • Antonin Dvorak

    In other “Bro, do you even Science?” news, radio nutcase Mark Levin has hit upon an impeachable counterargument to Climate Change:

    “Aristotle, Archimedes, Galileo, Tesla, Faraday, Newton, Pasteur, Einstein and Edison,” … “What do they all have in common?”

    “Not a single one of them ever wrote about man-made climate change.”

    Well fuck us, then, I guess this is truly checkmate athiests!

    While I would normally advise against actually listening to such inanities, it is worth it to hear Levin pronounce the great Greek mathematician, Archie Meedies, like it was a random dude from the Bronx he sat next to at a Yankees game.

    https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2017/8/31/1694892/-Mark-Levin-just-made-possibly-the-most-hilarious-climate-denial-argument-ever?detail=emaildkre

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      well, let’s see, there wouldn’t have even BEEN fucking man made climate change during the lifetimes of anybody up to *perhaps* the last two.

      • Marion in Savannah

        There you go, with your librul “facts.”

      • David Hollenshead

        The only real debate is how much of Global Climate Change is natural and how much is man made:
        The Natural Part has to do with changes in Earths Orbit, which should have resulted in the Next Ices age starting in the 1950s.
        The Man Made Part had to do with changes in vegetation and by the waste products of man made combustion, over the last few millennia.
        Which means that we are conducting a massive experiment in Climate Change, while not understanding it…..

    • Baconzgood

      Check mate o-zone layer.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        we’ve blown completely past the ozone layer to the bozone layer at this point

    • Oblios_Cap

      He wasn’t around after the Industrial Revolution, you say?

    • Major_Major_Major

      The Occam’s Razor answer: none of them were climatologists/meteorologists, but the Levin’s Shoehorn of logic seems reasonable too.

  • Royal Ugly Globalist Dude

    1. Retired firefighter spews insane nonsense at vulnerable people
    2. ???
    3. Prophet!

  • writersbloc

    Every once in a while an article comes along that sounds so dumb even I can’t read it.

    • george lastrapes

      Like when a nutjob garnishes his word salad with actual science words and thinks he is a real scientist.

  • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy
    • Zippy W Pinhead

      The reason orchestras tune to the piano? it’s the hardest instrument to change pitch, so everyone tunes to it. The second hardest is the clarinet, so symphonic winds tune to it (symphonies tune to the concertmaster, AKA first violin, because of politics)

      • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

        The concertmaster first tunes to the oboe, they tune to the piano only if one is present.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          the oboe and clarinet are both hard to tune instruments- ideally, the concertmaster tunes to one of them. And yes, piano starts if it’s present.

          • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

            When Goossens gave an “A” for the newly formed London Philharmonic, his friend Sir Thomas Beecham used to quip, “Gentlemen, take your pick”.

        • george lastrapes

          I was just gonna say that, as an oboist. R-U-1-2?
          And I can’t wait to see a pic of Trump with a homeless man, so I can label it ‘Duet for Hobo and Buffoon’.

          • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

            Not an oboist.

          • george lastrapes

            A noboist, then.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            Those of us in the trumpet section made tons of oblowist jokes (yes, brass players are all children)

          • Marion in Savannah

            Obviously you know the one that says an oboe is an ill wind that nobody blows good…

          • george lastrapes

            You know by now that I fondly refer to the PeeResident as ‘Strumpet’. (And his counterpart as ‘Putain’.)

          • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

            Not “Poutine”?

          • george lastrapes

            I would nevair deesparazhe zee national junque-food of Canada!

          • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

            I see this guy not infrequently. Being the standout player in a top 10 orchestra is quite a thing.
            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fMNEwH1mTN4

          • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy
          • Zippy W Pinhead

            I used to shoot hoops with Wynton Marsalis when the Lincoln Center Jazz Orchestra came through town. They guys would be all dressed up in their nice suits and dress shoes, but once soundcheck was over everyone inevitably gravitated to the old B-ball hoop mounted to the upstage wall of the hall at our local university

          • george lastrapes

            Now I’m going to desert Trump for Mahler, at least for a while. Holding you responsible, Captain.

  • The Librarian

    “Narcissistic conspiracy theories are on the rise these days, and this is an exciting new addition to the family”. I wish they had chosen to abort this malformed monstrosity.

  • Marion in Savannah

    OT — I know we all think WalMart is unremittingly evil, but if you go to their store or their website and donate to the Red Cross they will double match the amount. So your $10 becomes $30. Just sayin’…

  • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

    Holy shit! This Mark Taylor guy absolutely missed his calling. He should have been a science fiction writer. Of course, he’d be a very bad science fiction writer, but still.

    • Marion in Savannah

      Well, even Fantasy & Science Fiction magazine has standards.

      • whitroth

        ALL of them do.

        ObDisclosure: lifelong active science fiction fan. No, I don’t mean comic books, and no, I don’t mean movies, and 99.999% of all sc & f has nothing whatsoever to do with any movie or tv show. But then, given that most producers IQ is equivalent to their belt size, and sf&f requires a tad more intelligence….

    • jesterpunk

      He could have started his own religion, it worked for L Ron Hubbard and Ayn Rand.

      • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

        I’ve always thought about starting my own religion but I couldn’t because I’m an atheist… swear to god.

      • Rags

        not so much for JC

        • jesterpunk

          But he sent himself to earth so he could die so he wouldn’t punish people for eating an apple he put on a tree.

    • whitroth

      I find that offensive. SF writers have to actually know some science, and can write. This isn’t even fantasy, it’s loser slash-fic.

      • insolenttomato

        Very true, and I’d add that fantasy writers usually know some sort of history and understand how culture works. This guy and his lack of empathy clearly don’t.

  • This is why I always play and sing a little out-of-tune. No sense taking chances.

  • Bitter Scribe

    “Rock and roll”? That’s what he’s bagging on? He could at least update to hip-hop like the rest of the conspiracy nuts.

    • whitroth

      He’s just po’d that he didn’t get any of that sex, drugs, and rock’n’roll.

  • x111e7thst

    Tune in to the frequency man……

  • La forza del resistino

    I hope editrix compensates Robyn with combat pay for delving into MRA and just plain whackadoodle stories in the same day.

    • whitroth

      Y’know, you could have that acronym be “mush rejected by all”.

  • Baconzgood

    OOOOOO-KAY then (baconz backs away slowly)

  • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

    Dude must have gotten into his parent’s stash of brown acid during the 60’s.

    • whitroth

      No. He probably got that *nasty* crap – there was a short time when some scum were cutting STP (LSD: 8 hrs, STP, that the CIA, I think, came up with, 24hrs.) with – I kid you not – strychnine. I had the misfortune to get some, and when I realized what was happening, told my friend who’d also done it, and he tossed the rest of what he had down the sewer….

      • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

        Brown acid is a reference to Woodstock

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKoLlKmQSHU

        • whitroth

          *sigh* My first wife and I weren’t there long enough to get any. “Oh, didn’t you hear, it’s cancelled….”

          • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

            My parents wouldn’t take me because Lawrence Welk wasn’t on the venue.

  • bbayliss

    100 comments and no “What’s the frequency, Kenneth?”
    I’m disappointed.

    • jesterpunk

      Its down thread, it might be hidden though.

      • bbayliss

        Otay.

        • Oblios_Cap

          Actually, one of the first comments…

          • bbayliss

            3rd…I should have known.
            But I’m no longer disappointed.

    • Marion in Savannah

      It was my first thought too, but then I realized that this is, after all, Wonkette and I got here late!

      • David Hollenshead

        We are always late……

  • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

    http://www.cnn.com/2017/09/01/entertainment/lord-flies-girl-remake/index.html

    ‘Lord of the Flies’ all-girl remake sparks backlash

    McGehee said the plot “is aggressively suspenseful, and taking the opportunity to tell it in a way it hasn’t been told before, with girls rather than boys, is that it shifts things in a way that might help people see the story anew.”

    But the idea almost immediately sparked a backlash online with many questioning the project and the wisdom of having two men helm it.

    “An all women remake of Lord of the Flies makes no sense because… the plot of that book wouldn’t happen with all women,” writer Roxane Gay tweeted.

    Why not? I had teenage sisters, they could be far worse than most boys.

    • Marion in Savannah

      But we all know that all of the ladeez, young and old, are sweet, kind, and non-violent. Just ask Aileen Wuornos, Myra Hindley, Jane Toppan, Nannie Doss, Amy Archer-Gilligan, Rosemary West, Mary Ann Cotton, Kristen Gilbert, et al. (It’s et al. because my hand started to cramp at that point in the list of female serial killers I was copying.)

    • ltmcdies

      obviously never attending an all girl Catholic school…

    • Wolf Tracker

      Dammit they stole my snappy comeback from right here on Wonkette!

      I demand royalties!

    • Longstreet63

      I’m sure they’ll improve the story by tossing most of it out. Maybe there could be giant robots instead of a desert island?

    • Resistance Fighter Astraea

      It’s awful for a lot of reasons. Mostly it’s infuriating to be treated like a gimmick. As if all female remakes make up for a lack of consistently integrating women in all kids of roles in movies across the board.

      But also come on, what’s the gimmick here? The book explores toxic masculinity.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        they are SOOOO missing the point.

  • VirginiaWackelpudding

    They changed my DNA and all I got was a hate for trumpkins. I want a do over which includes the power of free HBO on demand and immunity to arthritis. Thanks Obama!

  • Kiri the Unicorn
    • DerrickWildcat

      Now wait a minute somethings wrong.

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

    Taylor now broadcasting in the ultra stupid wavelengths.

  • jesterpunk
    • NastyBossetti

      This song has been running on a constant loop in my head for… I don’t know. How many years since this album came out now?

      • jesterpunk

        It came out in 2003 when Shrub was president.

        • NastyBossetti

          Hm. I suddenly feel a lot older than I did a minute ago.

  • Wolf Tracker

    OK this article was just so weird I had to do a little research and you guys will be shocked that he has some scientific basis for his theory:

    Reactive oxygen species and DNA damage after ultrasound exposure.

    ” Free radicals and hydrogen peroxide produced by ultrasound exposure of cells can lead to DNA damage.”

    https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/17353145

    Having had ultrasound for kidney stones I was already aware sound waves in certain frequencies can damage organs and bones and destroy stones but there is evidence it could damage DNA.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ultrasound

    Now does that explain why someone is Gay or Liberal?

    Did you Mom have an ultrasound before you were born?

    Not so damn crazy is he now!

    /S

    • Longstreet63

      It’s those little islands of basis on which they build their Trump Towers of fantasy.

      • Wolf Tracker

        The greatest lies always contain a grain of truth.

    • whitroth

      Do you understand what “ultrasound” is, and why an A above middle C isn’t it?

      Hey, do the phone companies still offer a number, like Ma Bell did, that you can call and get a clear 440hz tone?

      • Wolf Tracker

        Focused Ultrasound and Lithotripsy.

        Shock wave lithotripsy has generally been a first choice for kidney stone removal. The shock wave lithotripter uses an order of microsecond pulse durations and up to a 100 MPa pressure spike triggered at approximately 0.5-2 Hz to fragment kidney stones through mechanical mechanisms.

        I just pointed out the basis for his theory not that he was correct and you might notice the /S in my post.

  • Nockular cavity

    If he’s talking about broadcasting (or, more accurately, if he had any idea what he was talking about), then 440 hz is a wavelength of about 680 km. Which…cannot affect people. Literally, we’re too small. You’d need an antenna the size of Texas to pick it up.

    • Rags

      So this explains why Harvey hit Texas!!!!

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      VHF generally starts about 30-300 MHz and UHF is 300MHz- 3GHz

    • Marion in Savannah

      Umm, that would likely be 440 MHz. 440 Hz is the A above middle C on a piano. Doctors will test your hearing with tuning forks at 256 Hz, 512 Hz, 1024 Hz, etc. (I worked for a otologist for 25 years, so this is something I’m sure of.)

      • Nockular cavity

        Right, but he’s talking about broadcasting, which refers to the electromagnetic spectrum, not sound waves. Because otherwise you’d be hearing an A note everywhere.

        • Marion in Savannah

          I most certainly did NOT listen to him (I’m A Old and trying to preserve a few brane cells) but if he really said 440 Hz then he’s even stupider than any of us already think he is. (And it wouldn’t surprise me in the slightest if that is what he did say.)

    • whitroth

      Hey, I don’ need no steenkin’ A. I mean, *everyone* knows that every song in the world can be played in C, F, and G.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        don’t ask a guitar player to play in F, they get cranky…

    • h4rr4r

      They mean sound, not electromagnetic waves.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    This video sums up feelings on this very well: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Zt1PCojmRE

    • David Hollenshead

      WTF ???

      • Marion in Savannah

        It’s Japanese. That’s all any of us really need to know.

        • David Hollenshead

          I know about the weirdness of Japan, like the vending machines which sell used unwashed underpants from school girls…..

    • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

      I have a bad case of diarrhea.

    • DerrickWildcat

      I wish it was longer. Like maybe 2 hours.

      • Mr. Blobfish

        I don’t know what it’s for, but I would buy some.

    • Baconzgood

      Thats……somthing.

    • bbayliss

      What the?

    • yyyaz

      All your entertainment life belong to us!
      — Amutus Corp.

  • TheGrandWazoo2
    • jesterpunk

      Can we just get him a big truck all for himself? We can park it at Mar-A-Lago so he can play in it whenever he wants and it doesnt even need an engine.

      • David Hollenshead

        Our Führer Trump would still find a way to others with it, while he plays….

        • jesterpunk

          We just need to tell him he can have his own truck if he steps down and takes Pence, Ryan and his cabinet with him.

    • cats530

      The picture should be captioned, “Never Miss An Opportunity To Pose With The American Flag!”

    • h4rr4r

      My three year old likes pretending to drive a fire truck too. Must be something about that stage of development.

      • cats530

        lol – I’ll have to tell my husband that. He finally got his class B license to drive the fire truck.

        • h4rr4r

          Does he like to make the noises too?

          • cats530

            Probably. We’ve got grandsons who also adore fire trucks.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

      Can I fap to this?

      • MynameisBlarney

        I…

        I don’t know.

      • TJ Barke

        Give it a shot…

      • Nockular cavity

        Yes, but you have to deconstruct it first.

      • redarmyzombie

        I’ll take “Rhetorical Questions for $400, Alex.

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    Throwing this in again because the more people read this it might help to get something going

    http://www.nationalgeographic.com/magazine/2017/09/holland-agriculture-sustainable-farming/

    • MynameisBlarney

      Now THAT is fucking neat as hell!
      Def. gonna read that full article later.

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        Do so. It’s awesome.

    • bbayliss

      WOW

    • Marion in Savannah

      Thanks!

    • armed_bears

      6K square feet of greenhouses in New Mexico, and I can tell you it works.

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        Do they use the LED light tech?

        • armed_bears

          No… I am so far south, I can get by without supplemental. But I am seriously considering a small test based on these guys’ light bars — brightagrotech.com. But controlling heat is my bigger problem, and even LEDs would add to that. But as far as calorie-of-food-per-unit-of-water, it is amazing. Far better than a 10:1 reduction in water input per output.

  • La forza del resistino

    I limit my narcissistic conspiracy theories to looking into the bathroom mirror after showering and saying my butt doesn’t look THAT big.

  • Longstreet63

    I know all the words he used, but I don’t think he knows what they mean. Crank Magnetism is the ultimate expression of Dunning-Krueger. It’s like a religious syncretism of lunacy, a cargo cult of crazy.

    • weighmaster

      John Frum will return.

  • Carole

    Epigenetics Woo Gone Wild. Film at 11.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Epigenetics is such a cool concept.

      • Carole

        Yeah, but the right is gonna try to wreck it, just like it tried to wreck mitochondrial and Y-chromosome DNA to serve its own nefarious ends.

        • yyyaz

          Can’t wreck science. Derail it for a bit, but it always comes back on line.

  • Resistance Fighter Astraea

    More like THANK YOU if true, please continue

  • Jack Had A Permit

    Needz Moar CHEMTRAILZZZ!!!!11!!! Quick, get Kelli Ward on the blue courtesy phone!

  • MynameisBlarney

    If you have a haircut like Jeff Foxworthy in 20-MOTHERFUCKING-17…
    Then you might be a fucktard.

  • Carole

    He may have a point. During the Baroque period, A4 had a frequency of 415 hz. Now A4 is 440 hz. Coincidence? I think not!!

    • yyyaz

      Sharp observation.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      If it ain’t Baroque don’t fix it…

      • brucej

        Isn’t that one of Bach’s Lesser Known Inventions???

  • susan_g

    A “retired fireman”. Sounds like one of those Joe the Plumber fake things. Background check, please.

  • Poly_Ester

    “What’s the frequency, Mark” just doesn’t have the same resonance as “what’s the frequency, Kenneth.”

  • Jeffocaster in the West

    As a volunteer firefighter myself, I think he has inhaled a few too many toxic fumes in his work.

    • David Hollenshead

      Not to mention Oxygen Depravation….

    • cats530

      My husband is a 15 year veteran on the volunteer side. He’s out on an OES striketeam now. This one is getting no media coverage. It’s called the “Slinkard” fire (weird name) out near the Cali/Nevada border.

      • Jeffocaster in the West

        May he be safe. We drove back down the west side of the US and there was an amazing amount of smoke and haze due to the fires, all the way from Oregon to into CA and NV…..

        • cats530

          Yeah, tell me about it. It’s going to 110 today in Sacramento, so that means at least 100 for my town. And the smoke/haze is bad. I feel sorry for my horses, but can’t exactly bring them in the house.

  • DerrickWildcat

    He looks like he is from Chicago.

  • h4rr4r

    Electromagnetic or sound?

    • h4rr4r

      It is Sound!

      Read the link. So this is even stupider than I thought.

  • Steven R Freedman

    I’m a member of the Illuminati and, trust me, we don’t hang with those Freemason dudes. They crazy!

    • Jack Had A Permit

      Everybody knows the Illuminati and the Freemasons are like The Sharks and The Jets, that’s why I’m involved with The Priory of Sion, they pay’s better and the meals are to die for.

  • Jenny

    Has he met the good Doctor Stein yet? I’m sure it is all tied into the Wi-Fi.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    This is what happens when you stop wearing the tinfoil hat. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

    • cats530

      He’s got a Jiffy Pop hat on and his kernels are bursting.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Those Jiffy pop pans were pretty cool… wasteful as fuck all, but cool…

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

    • brucej

      Remember! Shiny Side Out!

  • Rickyphoo

    So that’s why my ears are ringing all the time. I just thought it was because I have Tinnitus from working in computer rooms for thirty years and riding fire trucks for ten years.
    All along the damn Free Masons been shooting 440hz waves at my head or DNA or whatever.

  • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

    Fuck this!

    All we need is another fuckhead Nostradumbass.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Not to be confused with that great French author, Alexandre “Dumass”

  • cats530

    I never did understand firefighters who are staunch dyed-in-the-wool Republicans or so-called Libertarians. Both Republican and Libertarian politicians want to dismantle their pensions. What part of that are they just not getting? Maybe it’s not important to them? That’s fine. It’s not important to me either. They can just build their own 401Ks like the rest of us poor schmucks.

  • OddMan

    OT because science.
    Hurricane Irma way out in the Atlantic will be a big one. She would be named a Super Typhoon if this was a different hemisphere. Sea surface temperatures are above normal and all atmospheric conditions are ripe for Irma to keep on growing and she is headed out way.

    The latest spaghetti plot of the European models for Irma.

    http://spaghettimodels.com/

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/024b7931d9159efc34d5755c8954455f0bf8f3d74a9407ec2fd53f8664e31e66.png

    • Creepoman

      Puerto Rico be fucked.

    • MynameisBlarney

      GMTA.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Gottdammit! I have work to do today and you introduce me to a site like this! Boo on you!

      Thanks!

    • jesterpunk

      That is going to hit states that didnt vote for Trump, lets see if he mentions it. He never talked about the California wildfires or the wildfires in Oregon.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      What’s the color scale mean, and the numbers along the tracks?

      • OddMan

        Color should be the max wind predicted and the numbers are the wind in kts.

    • yyyaz

      Could make a landfall near Mar-a-Lago. Hmmmm.

  • MynameisBlarney

    FYI.
    Get yer bug-out bags ready and make sure your GTFO vehicle is roadworthy.
    The time to prep for the next storm is right fucking now.

    https://www.democraticunderground.com/10029542777

    • Wolf Tracker

      4 wheel drive rock climber Jeep and I know all the mountain roads and where all the good fishing is if I need to bug out which I do as often as I can.

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Ladies and gentleman, Trump supporters

  • cats530

    His facial hair has chem-trails. Ew.

    • MynameisBlarney

      I think those are coke boogers.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Seems like this guy went down the old fire pole head first at least one too many times.

    • cats530

      Idiot didn’t wear his SCBA (self-contained breathing apparatus) equipment and must have huffed a lot of smoke over the years and it blew out what few brain cells he had.

  • chazmanr

    Odd, 440 hz is the tuning frequency that most musicians use to tune their instruments. Does that mean that all musicians are part of the Illuminati?

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Just most of them…

    • Carole

      Only since 1955. Beethoven and Mozart were Freemasons.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      I’ve been tuning instruments to A (440Hz) since I can remember. Is that why I’m a Wonketteer?

    • Oblios_Cap

      I guess that explains why I hate Trump, then. And I was so sure that he was a crackpot.

    • DrBigHead

      Yes

    • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

      Ewige Blumenkraft!

  • brucej

    I wonder if that’s all what the weird Dan Rather stalker “Whats the frequency, Kenneth?” thing was all about.

    Also: “They’ve been in ur country subverting ur DNA all along!”

    http://s3.amazonaws.com/mtv-main-assets/files/resources/medium_2014-07-17_17-44-21.jpg

  • DainBramage

    This may be OT, but when the floating fire ants get to the exploding chemical plant and are hit with the 440hz, shit is going to get real.
    https://twitter.com/gilbertjasono/status/903619607591886848

    • Covfefe

      Does to ex post facto clause say we can just retroactively accept Texas’ offer to secede?

    • MynameisBlarney

      This IS how supervillians are made yanno.

    • Wolf Tracker

      Or get zapped with the nuclear waste in those super sites floating around.

      http://www.blastr.com/sites/blastr/files/styles/media_gallery_image/public/Them_0.jpg?itok=GAZeFZrA

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        Or absorb the toxic mix of bovine growth hormones and PCBs floating in the water …

        • Wolf Tracker

          So many ways humans have screwed things up!

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Antonin Dvorak

      Dr. Tulp FTW!

    • mancityRed6

      the last supper one looks pretty cool.

    • yyyaz

      Lerv the big dog handing the wrench to “Adam.”

  • Grumpy Twat

    So every time the orchestra tunes to the oboe at A440 the whole audience starts to hate Trump?

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Works for me!

    • CripesAmighty

      If it is a performance that involves an oboe, one can be assured that the entire audience already hates Trump

  • Jamoche

    https://action.dccc.org/free/free-stop-bigotry-sticker
    DCCC has a new bumper sticker. I’m reminded of the Daria episode about inspirational posters: “I don’t really see a ‘stop’ here” – put a “no” circleslash around it, maybe, but I’m not putting something on my car that people would misinterpret if they don’t read it:
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/25e7c8fddec50c840481f5912cd1535458191efcef800d46c9bcdf64f0be1c32.png

    • cats530

      The skin and hair portions both need to be orange-ier.

    • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

      A circleslash would surely elicit hysterical accusations of violence.

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        just call it a surveyor’s mark.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Stop Bigfootry?

  • Here’s some badass 440hz:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xZAKPVaWyZ4

  • Sean Jungian

    It’s like rabid Rapture Christians. They believe everyone “knows the truth” that they know, but purposely ignore it simply to be perverse. This is why they have no problem with people suffering.

  • Carole

    The “prophet” failed to articulate whether 440hz would “change the DNA” through actual mutation or through the typical epigenetic channel of histone modification. I am surprised and shocked at his omission. He seems like such an educated person, too.

    • Wolf Tracker

      Finally someone here that might actually understand this:

      https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/17353145

      • Carole

        It sounds like molecular biologists bombarded fish erythrocytes with ultrasound waves and induced DNA mutations via OH- radicals. Did I get this right? I’m a complete amateur when it comes to science; I’ve just taken lots of online courses.

    • CripesAmighty

      Neither. Otherwise it wouldn’t be a *sekrit* duh.

  • jesterpunk

    Wait is Green Day responsible for people hating Trump?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSZ0KzA9e1s

  • JohnE_o

    Lyndon LaRouche demands that middle C be tuned to 256 Hz…

    https://larouchepac.com/classical-renaissance

    Which reminds me, time to google “Is Lyndon Larouche still alive?”

    …looks like…

    • Jack Had A Permit

      Thought he died a few years back. Learn something new and useless every day.

      • Marion in Savannah

        New and regrettable. FIFY.

    • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

      Isn’t “Classical Rennaisance” contradictory?

      Many years ago I worked for someone who had known Furtwängler before the war, pretty sure he wasn’t a LaRouchie.

  • CO
    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      i hope I get cooler as I age.

      • CO

        You just need to commit insider trading first

        • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

          or maybe it was prison..

      • DrBigHead

        I think most people get cooler as they age. Eventually you reach a point where you just don’t give a shit about what people think of you anymore. With that freedom comes coolness.

        • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

          that’s my over 60 mom tells me. She just no longer has shits to give.

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            p.s. that was not a constipation joke.

            ; )

        • Carole

          A little of both. On the one hand, I laugh a lot more. On the other
          hand, I have feelings of intense anger that I never had before. But I attribute that to being semi-retired and doing more urban driving, and also to the seemingly endless proliferation of right-wing assholes.

      • Permit-holder Ron

        The housemate did. Now she wears long sleeves even in summer and I had to set the thermostat to 23C.

    • mancityRed6

      she’s been inside, she’s got street cred

  • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

    TX mom just came in to tell me a terrible pun – I mentioned how much we love puns and how we were doing musical ones at the moment.

    She said, “Tell them to just give it a rest.”

    : D

    • Marion in Savannah

      I heart your mom!

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        she’s pretty damn cool. (Although she has some howlers that make one just wanna groan…I think it’s in our family’s blood).

        • Marion in Savannah

          Admit it — a bad pun is pretty much any pun you (the collective “you,” not singling you out) didn’t think of first.

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            lol, she was pretty quick on the trigger on that “rest” one…like didn’t even think about it..meanwhile me, a failed guitarist and pianist, have been banging my head trying to think of a good one.

          • redarmyzombie

            My best friend and I were helping his fiancee with her first foray into DnD and making her Elf Ranger; he wanted to do it using just online resources but I insisted they do it in paper as well, as it helps to build character.

  • OneYieldRegular

    The proof that George Soros is behind everything is that there’s actually no evidence of his paying anyone to do anything – because as a smart businessman, why would he pay if he could accomplish his evil goals through the bombardment of free, DNA-changing frequencies?

    Now let’s see what you have to say.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      I totally loathe the word “proof” except in math, but in this case I think you nailed it.

  • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

    “…frequency…”{{{WHACK!!!}}}

    I automatically bit-bucket anyone who uses the word “frequency” like that. With extreme prejudice. Frequency is not a thing; it is used to describe a thing.

  • mancityRed6

    so if I become a part of the Illuminati bloodline, do I get a raise?

  • aktlib101

    Robyn, stop giving away the game to the Trumpets. Our level of Illuminatism is a sekret!!

  • Jack Had A Permit
  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Everyone knows that Dm is the saddest of all keys…

    • JustDon’tSayDignity

      What was the title, again? Something like “Suck on My Love Pump”?

  • MynameisBlarney
  • Resistance Fighter Astraea

    OT this is the crying nazi’s attorney:

    Cantwell’s attorney is Elmer Woodard, who appeared in court wearing an early-1800s-style red waistcoat with gold buttons, bowtie, white muttonchop whiskers, black velcro shoes, and a a 1910s-style straw boater hat,” the report states.

    • Trip Space-Parasite

      So he doesn’t know what century he’s in, but it’s definitely not this one?

    • Wolf Tracker

      Good strategy. If you lose the case you can always point t your attorney and say “My attorney is a fucking nut!”

    • Carole

      Did he shout “the South’s gonna rise again?”

      • Covfefe

        All it takes is that little blue pill.

        • Carole

          Or in the case of Chris Cantwell, the red pill.

    • Vel Venturi

      Dammit. If I knew cosplay would eventually become a real component of courtroom etiquette, I would have gone ahead and taken the bar exam. I could rock my Jedi robes.

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    “What’s the frequency, Kenneth?”

  • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

    This is off topic, however, since the subject is about a crazy person, this is a photo of Elmer Woodard, the crying nazi’s attorney. This was his fourth choice as the first three wouldn’t defend him. You just can’t make this shit up.

    Lawyer for crying white supremacist Chris Cantwell insists client was just joking about genocide

    Link to his FB page

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/89412e56a490c31a08cbd2efe3b21c577ad2b40fb25093a3381bd16e46da4772.jpg

    • Resistance Fighter Astraea

      Ahahaha RawStory didn’t have this impressive photo.

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      funny, every time I’m at the airport, a big sign tells me the TSA doesn’t much care for jokes about splodey things.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        I’ve told the Miss Bz&Bzes, since back when they were little Miss Bz&Bzes, that border crossings also too are no place for jokes, quips, etc.

    • Jack Had A Permit

      I’m sure there must be some benefit of having a Time Lord as your defense attorney. Not sure what that benefit is, exactly, but there must be one.

    • Major_Major_Major

      Opening statements:
      Elmer:-Pray tell, good magistrate. As this gentleman’s solicitor I beseech thee to contemplate the prosecutor besmirching his honor. We. Demand. Satisfaction, suh.
      DA:
      Really, yer honor? Look at this clown. Call a mistrial already, and lets hit the golf course, FFS.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      I hate to say this, but I kinda like the idea of a lawyer who shows up in court dressed like a Colonial. Yeah, it’s crazy, but it’s good crazy.

  • Jack Had A Permit
    • JustDon’tSayDignity

      Pretty sure that was in D Major.

  • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

    I have actually wanted to use a C = 256Hz standard because it would have a theoretical C = 1Hz and sync with time measurement (not that it would necessarily have any practical benefits). This kind of almost spoils it slightly.

  • wandajayne

    So a tuning fork won’t work with spaghetti, right?

    • Jack Had A Permit

      Experiences vary imho.

    • Teecha

      Cooked is more fun to try than raw.

    • Raan

      It is a bitch trying to spear the meatballs with those flat prongs.

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      You can’t tuna fish!!!1

      BECAUSE OF THE ILLUMINATI RAYS OF COURSE

      (Who look like manta rays!! WATCH THE OCEANS, SEAPLE!!)

  • Raan

    Is this like that motherfucker who said you could call the ocean on the phone and cure all disease?
    (I’m paraphrasing, but only slightly.)

  • janecita

    The jig is up comrades! We should go back to changing people’s mind the old fashioned way, with sex, drugs and sorcery!

    • Jonny On Maui

      Don’t forget the alchemy!

      • janecita

        Of course! We need all that gold to buy the drugs.

        • Raan

          But first we need to irradiate the gold vaults at Fort Knox.

    • Charon_69

      I has no drugs nor sorcery so am down to only sex …

    • TundraGrifter

      Start with eye of Newt.

  • Edith Prickly
    • janecita

      But, it is! We are surrounded by them!

      • Angela Ruzzo

        It’s true. I learned this when I started kindergarten. I told my mother “I don’t like it, I don’t want to go” but she said if I didn’t, she’d go to jail. By second grade I had learned to ignore them. But now I’m 61 and I’m getting tired of them, I really want them to go away.

    • Jonny On Maui

      Sorry!

  • gallbladder

    Jeff Foxworthy called: He wants his…oh, never the fuck mind.

  • TundraGrifter

    If he can foresee the future, why didn’t he win that recent $700,000,000 PowerBall lottery?

    • JustDon’tSayDignity

      Turns out the actual amount was a harmonic of 440. So he couldn’t touch it.

      • TundraGrifter

        I’ll tell you who can really play the harmonic – Sonny Boy Williamson (II).

  • IdiokraticCulturalMarxist

    Fuck that guy. Whenever I start feeling down and my dna is damaged, I go straight to You Tube for my dna repair. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1MPRbX7ACh8&t=1987s

  • Permit-holder Ron

    I am no stranger to nutjob prophets. My Jesus-freak cousin was a fervent believer in Hal Lindsay, and for all I know still is. (He once loftily informed me that I was a furry because I was possessed by a demon. I did not riposte by asking if he were possessed by an idiot, because I am the nice one.) But this guy? He’s a whole order of magnitude flakier. Maybe two. It’s not easy to combine teavangelical eschatology and Alex-Jones-level wingnuttery, but he pulls it off with whatever the hell the opposite of aplomb is. Top marks!

    • I used to confuse Hal Lindsay with Hal Linden, and wondered what had gone so wrong with Barney Miller.

      • theCryptofishist

        Ah, I am not alone…

  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    Fuckin’ Ronald Reagan. *spits*

    If he hadn’t gotten rid of the Equal Time rule!

    This network would have had to feature the TimeCube guy, some Denver International Airport loonies, a Pizzagate wacknut, and probably Left Shark from Katy Perry, a known representative of the Beyonce Clone Army.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    This is interesting to me, because I don’t listen to music, and I don’t listen to the radio, not even in my car, and yet I still didn’t vote for Trump.

    • Charon_69

      but what hertz is yer wonkette being broadcast at hmmm??

      • Angela Ruzzo

        That’s a good question. I have the speakers on my computer muted and the webcam disabled, but the monitor is running at 60hz. However, my cat likes to curl up next to the monitor while I am using the computer with her butt on the mouse, and whack my mouse hand and the monitor with her tail, and make the screen scroll when I am trying to type by flicking her tail over the scroll button, and the 60hz doesn’t seem to bother her. The vacuum cleaner, on the other hand, makes her go spastic.

  • reelreeler

    I am also a retired firefighter, and I can tell you from experience that there will never be a shortage of opinionated geniuses in any firehouse.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      One of my uncles is a retired firefighter and RWNJ. I’m surprised he hasn’t started doing anything like this yet.

      • I will never, so long as I live, understand cops and or firefighters, specifically retired ones, who go RWNJ. Who votes time and time again to cut their budgets, give them less benefits, reduce their pensions?
        Right you are.

        • alpacapunchbowl

          Those unions do fine for themselves though. He retired at 55. Sucking off the government teat is okay for them.

          • Last Hussar

            Not sure I’d want a 63 year old carrying me down a ladder.

          • alpacapunchbowl

            That’s fair, he was actually chief when he retired though.

        • Being a RWNJ is pretty standard for cops in modern America, isn’t it? Firefighters are baffling, though.

      • reelreeler

        Worked with many a Trump-type-personality during my 30 years on the F.D., and to be clear they were all willing to get in harm’s way to help anyone in a jam, but get them started on politics and OMFG……I was pretty much the opposite politically. Card carrying ACLU member and progressive here.

  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    THEY TURNED ME INTO A NEWT
    USING A NOTE!!!111

    • Charon_69

      You got better?

  • mailman27

    Two state fairs, a rodeo, etc.

  • Scooby

    Jesus cant block this?

    • Dudleydidwrong

      He’s busy. Learnin’ to fire the latest weapons is time-consuming.

  • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

    i haven’t read this, but it’s an story about who Heather Heyer was, I did like this bit quoted over at digbsy’s place:

    In 2012, not long after meeting Lindsey, Heather was suggested by a friend for a paralegal job at the Miller Law Group. The local firm is dedicated to helping struggling people fight foreclosure on their homes, deal with indebtedness after catastrophic illness, and utilize bankruptcy law to put their lives back together. Heather, convinced she wasn’t qualified, only went reluctantly to the interview with Alfred Wilson, manager of Miller’s bankruptcy division.

    “I only have a high-school degree, and I’ve never worked in a law office,” Heather protested straightaway.

    “Why is that important to you? It’s not important to me,” Wilson replied. He was more interested in an employee’s way with people than their credentials. A black man married to a Palestinian woman, he told me he looks for workers who know how to communicate with, and appreciate, all different kinds of people.

    “I know you work as a bartender — how much do you make in tips?” he asked.

    “Oh, I can make about $200 a night.”

    Wilson suspected this bartender was exceptionally good with people.

    Heather downplayed her strength: “I talk to a lot of drunk people.”

    “My thinking was she could be compassionate with our clients and understand life itself,” Wilson said. He also knew she was juggling two jobs, evidence of a good work ethic. She had her own place and was taking care of herself. She possessed a good vocabulary and was on top of social and political issues. “I believed I could mold her into a good paralegal,” Wilson said. And he did so.

    https://www.thecut.com/2017/08/what-heather-heyer-knew.html

    • Suttree

      Nice! Sad but nice.

  • Suttree

    If you wake up in the morning and meet an asshole, you met an asshole. If everyone you know hates you and doesn’t want to talk to you, you should see a doctor and take some meds. Or at the very least, just shut the fuck up!
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/94f7027976b0992ee635324d02b9477771d68a33ee9ab07ddbaf7286e4679be7.jpg

    • Ellie

      I love owls. I don’t care what they are saying. They make me smile.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Me too. I have two owls that live near my house and hoot at night. I just love it when they hoot, it helps me fall asleep. I haven’t heard them for a month now and I’m worried about them.

    • Opalescent Riddles

      Are those burrow owls?
      https://youtu.be/71PNZH1OaW0

  • Gorillionaire

    The Joe Goebbels thing has been told both ways – that the Nazis adopted the 440 standard to brainwash people, and also that they abandoned the 440 standard to brainwash people. Depends on your level of ignorance as to which one you want to go with. I feel pretty sure that it was the guns and violence that did it for them, but that’s just my own kookie theory I guess.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Guns and violence are as necessary for humans as vitamin c. Thats a fact, look it up!

    • Angela Ruzzo

      The truth is that it doesn’t take much effort at all to brainwash people. It certainly doesn’t require a concerted effort to alter frequencies on such a scale. The Catholic Church has been brainwashing people for 2000 years without going to any such trouble.

  • Daniel Hooper

    Look, as someone who’s probably attempted more shapeshifting than anybody else on Wonkette, I gotta tell ya; it ain’t that easy. At BEST, you can use hypnosis to trick your brain into thinking you’ve actually transformed, but reality is eventually gonna set in. Unless they’re messing around with mutagens, there isn’t going to be any kind of real shapeshifting happening, much less through audio sources alone.

  • Bad Scooter

    I listened to these blind comparisons on You Tube … turns out I prefer 432hz over 440hz! Fuckin’ Illuminati … https://youtu.be/LVoVr9UwOQM?t=1m7s

    • Ellie

      Interesting. Apparently, I’m only half taken over because I preferred 2 of each!

    • ryp

      Inconclusive, I preferred the first choice in all of them, even though the order was shifted from sample to sample. Perhaps just a case of the first sample sounding “right” because it was the first.

    • SeeTrain65

      “This was proven false long ago. But, the Time Signature Theory is real! Any music played in other than common time, 2/4, 3/4, 5/8, 6/8 or 7/8 will brainwash you into murdering your family and burning down your home.

      “Now if you’ll excuse me, my rheumatism is acting up and I can’t find my copper bracelets. Time to pull the copper wire from the walls again.”

      • Dudleydidwrong

        Dave Brubeck libelz!!!!

        • SeeTrain65

          (I wondered when someone would come around to this. I am not disappointed.)

  • Becky Wiren

    If you’re younger than, say, 40 to 45, you might not remember a time when kooks like this dude were on the fringe. But the right wing has mainstreamed all these idjits and we are stuck with it.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      I was just talking to my uncle, who is 91, about this very thing. He said in his day, the kooks would gather in the pool hall on Saturday night and spout their nonsense, and it didn’t go any father than the pool hall, and nobody remembered it the next day anyway because they were all drunk. Now the kooks all have websites.

  • Ellie

    I’m sure this 440hz plot has been around since 1980, because that’s when I first saw tRump on television, and I immediately disliked him and thought he was a repugnant individual. Obviously, it was the Illuminati, and not his own words, attitude and personality.

  • Courser_Resistance

    Um, I’m an Amateur Radio Operator (aka Ham Radio) and I’m pretty sure the FCC would have something to say about that. Also too, both my father and my mother’s father were Masons. My parents met at a Mason’s youth dance. I’m pretty sure they don’t have anything to do with altering people’s DNA.

    • Granny Sprinkles

      So what you’re saying is they got to you.

      • Courser_Resistance

        Maybe? But they ‘altered’ my DNA the old fashioned way :-)

    • I’m sure that you haven’t asked your parents about the alterations…

    • Angela Ruzzo

      Simply by procreating, which involved combining their DNA, they produced an altered being. You. It’s pretty cool science, people do it every day.

    • SeeTrain65

      “I’m sure that’s what you WANT us to believe. I read your book, you magnificent bastard!” ; )

  • Granny Sprinkles

    Granny prefers the Illusionati; they’re a lot like the Illuminati, but with cool card tricks.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      My Granny believed in the Kitchenati. If there were problems in life, she went into the kitchen and made fried chicken and biscuits and an apple pie, and this was supposed to solve everything. It did, temporarily.

      • george lastrapes

        No kitchen should be without a Ronco Ort-Flinger. Kitchen Magic!

  • TundraGrifter

    “It’s sort of their version of Occam’s Razor. It is so bizarre and unthinkable to them that people would disagree with them or not think like they do, that vast and complicated conspiracy theories are literally the more believable option.”

    That’s “Macco’s Razor.” It isn’t very sharp.

    • Ulricii

      They’ve scrapped the razor and hew to Occam’s Hairbrush. The more unconnected bristles a theory includes, the better it explains things.

  • Ricky Gay

    Damn, I can smell his back draft from here!

  • Ricky Gay

    Halon is a helluva drug!

  • Spurning Beer

    This firefighter certainly has embraced the prophet motive.

  • lmurr

    Those kids and their rock and roll music.

  • Alexander Stallwitz

    SHIT!!! Hes onto us! ATTENTION, ALL OPERATIVES! PLAN COBALT IS GO! i repeat Plan Cobalt is go

    • Ulricii

      Cobalt? I thought Plan Mercury was next up if Uranium became public knowledge and had to be scrapped. Please check and confirm by tinfoil to tinfoil contact. Thanks.

      • Alexander Stallwitz

        Awww crap! I mixed up our plans again didnt i?

        • theCryptofishist

          Well, I’m just glad they didn’t go with Indigo. I hate that plan.

    • SeeTrain65

      “THE FALCON HAS RETURNED TO THE NEST! REPEAT! THE FALCON HAS RETURNED TO THE NEST!”

      • Last Hussar

        Are you sure? I thought a butterfly landed on the rose.

        • SeeTrain65

          And the woodchuck hibernates in snowy climes.

          • Last Hussar

            The woodchuck…

            Shit, sorry Thought you were FSB. Do you want too buy a tacky tower block?

  • Kooolest G

    it’s been going on a long time then, back in high school my orchestra teacher started every class by indoctrinating us with A440!!!!! that must be why trump couldn’t find any musicians to play his inauguration, if you’re a musician you hear A440 every time you tune your instrument. although that does give me an idea, I’m gonna go to wisconsin and Pennsylvania before 2020 and just walk around with my tuning fork in one hand and my pitch pipe in the other

    • Angela Ruzzo

      I was just thinking about all the marching bands that play at high school and college football game halftimes and march down Main Street in every American city. Is it a conspiracy? :-)

      • Kooolest G

        hey wait a second, you know who else has a marching band? that’s right the US military has tons of them!!!! they’re indoctrinating our soldiers to hate trump!!!!!! (actually most marching band music is written in flat keys so A440 isn’t a note that’s played as much as in orchestral, rock or country music) the national anthem is in Bflat so we’re pretty safe there, the only words that hit A are hailed, the, night, our, (th)at (wa)ave not sure what that means, but the firefighter for profit and alex jones have a theory I bet

        • Angela Ruzzo

          Our national anthem was clearly written by aliens who have an entirely different musical system than humans, because no human can actually sing our national anthem.

          I was shocked when my mother told me that the “Star Spangled Banner” was not always our national anthem. When she was a girl, “My Country ‘Tis Of Thee” was the anthem. The SSB did not become our official anthem until 1931, when she was a grown woman.

          I also did not know, until she told me, that the words “under God” were only added to the Pledge of Allegiance in 1954, and that when she was a girl in school, nobody said them.

          • I always thought that “This Land is Your Land” should be our national anthem.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            It’s a beautiful song, and I would vote for it, but many people would say it does not have the appropriate dignity to be a national anthem. Most national anthems are somewhat stately, almost hymn-like, and “This Land Is Your Land” is perhaps too lively and folksy for some people’s taste in anthems. My choice would be “America the Beautiful” because everyone knows it, it is easy to sing, and is stately enough to suit almost everyone.

          • I think you’re right. “This Land is Your Land” has the spirit of America in it. It is a populace song of the people. Maybe it would help us stay grounded.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            The only problem I have with “America the Beautiful” is that line “God shed his grace on thee” because I am an atheist. However, it is that line that might convince all the fundamentalist Christians to approve of it as an anthem. I suppose if people in the UK can sing “God Save the Queen” even though from what I’ve read, a quarter of them don’t believe in a higher power, then I can do it too.

            But this is a theoretical discussion, because I don’t see any movement to get rid of Star Spangled Banner as having a chance in hell right now. For some reason a lot of people like it, even though they can’t sing it.

          • As a liberal progressive vegetarian from the South, I grew up on theoretical discussions… with myself.

          • MonkeyMotion

            God Save The Queen is nice. I think Holidays In The Sun would have been a pretty good call too, as well.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Yes, it is nice. Simple words, but a strong message. I remember going to a movie theater in London in 1968 and everyone sang “God Save the Queen” before the movie started. Do they still do that in movie theaters, I wonder? I also remember the old days of TV, before cable, when the three networks went off the air between midnight and 1 am, and they always showed a clip of the US flag waving with “The Star Spangled Banner” playing, before they went to static and you had to turn the TV off. Now they go to Infomercials all night long, which says something important about current American culture, I think.

            Do you mean “Holidays In The Sun” by the Sex Pistols? Interesting choice. Why that song?

          • MonkeyMotion

            My snark is apparently a bit rusty. Apologies.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I wasn’t 100% sure because there could be other songs with that name. The title, alone, makes it an attractive song for UK dwellers, LOL. I had to refresh my memory as to the lyrics, however, and that’s where the snark was evident.

            I just saw this property for sale in England. If I had £1.1 million I would buy it, sun or no sun.
            http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4836418/Estate-remains-King-Richard-III-s-castle-1-1m.html

    • thixotropic jerk

      Yo KG, I don’t think that’s called “pitch” in your pipe, it’s called “resin.” Just sayin’.
      #KnowWhatYou’reSmokin’

  • Wait, so if we used DNA shifting whosawhats, why didn’t we switch on the brain thingythings to let the Hilzzghazi win?
    Jesus we are some incompetent global overlords

    • Angela Ruzzo

      That’s what I tell my friend who is a major conspiracy theorist. I tell him “If it was such a super secret conspiracy by the all-powerful Illuminati/Masons/Jews/Martians, how come it didn’t work that well and everyone knows about it?” He has no answer.

      • My one co worker leans conspiracy-ward. I very firmly, but nicely, shatter his illusions on a regular basis. With the help of the google and good information sources of course.
        Weird enough, he keeps bringing me this stuff and I am not sure if it is an ahha, what about this! Or a please help me not be a lunatic.

  • Fifth-and-a-Half Element
    • unionthuggery

      I was brain-dead, locked out, numb, not up to speed.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    Just occurred to me…small alterations in DNA in response to external stimuli and changes in the environment are what cause evolution which leads to survival of a species. So this jackass probably doesn’t believe in evolution. This leads me down a path of ideas that I don’t have space to explore here.

  • georgiaburning

    Freemasons? That’s a golden oldie

  • Paperless Tiger

    I always wondered why I hate those idiots.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    Is this on a level with playing a Beatles song backwards and hearing “Paul is dead” and the story about toothpaste with a satanic logo on it?

  • javadavis

    Is this guy somehow hooked into those MRA nutjobs who think they can change a girl’s DNA to make the girl like them?

    • I know how I’m making my next million…

  • SDGeoff3

    I worked with a Rushbo/Jones-type groupie for a summer in a warehouse. This was in the late nineties, and the rwnj loonies were really hopped up on the Illuminati and the Masons and for all I know the Cub Scouts. This dude was so paranoid and nuts (black helicopters hovering over his trailer park) that I knew I was going to have to mess with his head to survive.
    I started slowly, wearing a masonic ring my dad left to me, and drawing triangles around my workspace. Once in a while, I’d tape a small piece of aluminum foil behind an ear and then take it off while I was having a break. He noticed all this stuff, and one day asked me if I was affiliated with the Illuminati. The fun began.
    Read my memoirs entitled “Why I Drink” for the real good stuff.

    • Ulricii

      If you haven’t written those Memoirs you should. They sound like great stuff.

      • SDGeoff3

        They are in the works. My friends have said many times that if I don’t write my memoirs, I should submit articles to journals of Abnormal Psychology.

  • Empress of the Iguana People

    My freemason father’s support of the current president (he died shortly before the primaries) must have been some kind of red herring, then? *eyeroll*

    • PRW

      Well, sure; in front of the cowans you have to keep up the pretenses!

  • Beezelbubbles

    Wait…rock and roll music still exists?

    • Royal Ugly Globalist Dude

      Rock is dead they say.

      • PRW

        Hey, hey, my, my …

      • Grumpy Old Man

        I worked with a guy who told me “rock and roll is fake, I know because a rock guitarist told me” – he listened to Maria Callas (not that there is anything wrong with that).

  • Mavenmaven

    and you know what happens if you play the right notes at 440?
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pjnZO5ZgWE8

  • trex67

    I remember when Lyndon LaRouche was pushing this idiotic 432Hz is superior to 440Hz bullshit back when he was wanting to be preznit about thirty-something years ago. Did he have a theory? Prob’ly. He had lots of theories! I also seem to remember he was batshit, but maybe not as batshit as Mr Fireman Propheteer guy?

    • He also sold a lot more books, too.

      • theCryptofishist

        And he let old people watch ducks if they would vote for him.

  • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

    I think he was in too many fires without an Airpac and the fumes rotted his brain.

    • theCryptofishist

      Yeah, my husband used to be a fire-fighter, and while he had mental issues, they weren’t can’t even find his way out of a wet paper bag mental issues.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Airpac? He’s the kind of guy they wouldn’t let near a real fire. His brain problems are from standing near the exhaust pipe of an idling pumper while trying to figure out which valves need turning.

  • Ulricii

    So the frequency 440 hz was invented by Joseph Goebbels so he could control minds with it. Okay I’ll buy that. Do the theorizers have an explanation for what was between 439 and 441 hz before Dr Goebbels invented 440? Or was it just a convenient gap in the eletromagnetic spectrum that Joe G plugged with his invention? Inquiring minds would like to know.

    And while we’re enumerating stupidities and anachronisms: Isn’t it amazing that the Illuminati and the Freemasons have had human DNA manipulation as their ultimate goal since 200 years before DNA was discovered. Those guys are GOOD.

    • Duh! Two hundred years before they let the rest of us know about DNA! Come on, man. You’re not even trying.

      • theCryptofishist

        Watson and Crick were like the Prometheuses of DNA.

        • thixotropic jerk

          Rosalind Franklin Libelz!!!11!!1

          • theCryptofishist

            Maybe she represents the pantheon.

  • nosuchuser

    This right here is why you never buy off label hooch out of a beater car’s trunk behind the quicke mart…

    • Ants In My Eyes Johnson

      It’s definitely why you’re not supposed to drink rubbing alcohol.

      • thixotropic jerk

        Solution: rub the rubbing alcohol, drink the drinky alcohol – problem solved!

        • Ants In My Eyes Johnson

          I don’t think “The Fireman Prophet” knows that, though.

  • BMW
  • Zyxomma

    Okay, then. I have Biosonic tuning forks (the invention of John Beaulieu, inventor of Polarity Therapy) in the chromatic scale. I also bought a 528 Hz tuning fork, because that frequency is healing, especially for water, and since the human body is (about) 70% water, it feels and sounds great. It has naught to do with anything conspiratorial. Then again, it’s not 440 Hz. IIRC, this was decided at the end of the 19th century, and reaffirmed (not decided originally) in 1955, at an international conference. Okay, I just looked it up: http://www.wqxr.org/story/why-do-we-tune-a-note-pitch/ and I was right.

  • I know a lot of people who are afraid of electricity. They have a weird unnatural fear of being shocked or electrocuted. Electricity is dangerous. You should be careful around it just like you do with other dangerous substances — but not guns because 2nd amendment.

    When people don’t understand something like science or the natural world, they make shit up about it. Usually, the shit they make up reflects their desired goals that respond to scaring people into doing things they probably don’t want to do or serves them in some other way. Whether they are conscious of this stuff or not is another question.

    Obviously hearing and sound waves are one of those things that are complex and have obscure non-intuitive rules, so people feel free to make shit up and believe shit without checking it out.

    Remember, no one likes to feel stupid even if they are.

    • HooverVilles

      Dunning-Kruger effect!

    • phoenix00

      Don’t get them started on wifi.

  • theCryptofishist

    I thought Occam’s Razor simplified things.

    • Reince Pubis

      Occam’s tuning fork is better for fixing your DNA

    • SeeTrain65

      Mark’s the Hickam’s Dictum of human beings.

      He has as many diseases of the mind as he damn well pleases.

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hickam%27s_dictum

    • phoenix00

      Gah I have a hard enough time trying to figure out Gillette, let alone Occam.

    • Grumpy Old Man

      (Psst, the barber was a woman)

  • Jeff Mc Donald

    Perhaps I’m wrong about this, but this may not be the craziest thing I’ve heard . That statement is not an endorsement of his crazy, just an indication that I am coming closer and closer to the feeling that I’ve lived too long.

    • harryeagar

      If you scout around a little, I am sure you can find the one that we are all carrying 10 pounds of impacted shit in our colons. That one’s been around since the ’20s at least.

      • Dudleydidwrong

        Some idiots voted for 250 pounds of impacted shit last November. Impacted shit won. Thanks, Electoral College!

  • Lyndon LaRouche is a prominent exponent of the 440Hz conspiracy theory. https://motherboard.vice.com/en_us/article/xywy74/the-fringe-audiophiles-who-want-to-topple-standard-tuning

  • guppy06

    Some people think this frequency was invented by none other than Joseph
    Goebbels to brainwash people and making them feel anxious.

    This was before atomic clocks were developed and quartz clocks/tuning were the exclusive purview of national physics laboratories. On top of that, all radio back then was AM, and if you don’t turn your analog tuning dial to the proper radio frequency juuust right you’ll lose one end or the other of the sound spectrum from the signal (try this at home, kids!). And if you’re distributing recordings then that turntable had better be turning at exactly 78 RPM..

    So for this to work in the 1930’s the conspiracy requires some very forgiving tolerances. If it’s more than ± 8 Hz then even 432 Hz isn’t safe!

    • Grumpy Old Man

      Brown Noise?!

  • Mahousu
    • Mahousu

      Of course, when I googled tuning forks, the second result was a 528 Hz model which, I was assured, would repair my DNA. It only costs 3 times as much as the evil one above.

    • phoenix00

      He does carry a looong one on his butt all the time.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Two holes at the same time? Kinky. But the square configuration is a bit daunting.

  • Maybe

    I wonder what oil refinery and chemical companies spillages will do to the DNA of Texans.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      It hasn’t done anything good to Louisianans. When I worked there 10 years ago, I noticed one day that the water in the toilets at work was light brown. I checked the water fountains, and ditto. I reported it, the Director called the Parish, and it seems there was a slight problem with the water supply that they had neglected to tell anyone about, and we were told not to drink the water. I was surprised that nobody but me had said anything about it, but the staff said “That happens now and then, we ignore it.”

      • Maybe

        One of the primary purposes of government should be to protect ordinary citizens from the rich and powerful, including corporations.

        Our government too often does the opposite, especially in Red States.

        The Repub philosophy is short-term profits at all costs. The fact that ruthless exploitation costs more long-term is irrelevant. I guess they expect the Apocalypse to happen first.

        • Angela Ruzzo

          Very true. The problem in Louisiana is that they have been exploited by their government and the rich white people who run it for so long – like 300 years – that they are used to it and don’t protest. This is a very dangerous attitude.

      • James Guillory

        That brown water may not be a problem. Many cities in the south get water from lake. Under certain weather conditions the lake water turns over bringing sediments from the bottom to the top and into the city water intakes. The water is still treated and drinkable, but will have a brownish tint for several days. This happens in my town every fall as the surface waters begin to cool.
        Like Homer Simpson used to say “If its brown drink it down, it its black, pour it back”.

        • Angela Ruzzo

          That is true, but the city I was writing about got its water from aquifers that were fed by the Mississippi River, and only a few miles away there were 3 large chemical plants on the river. When you drove past one of them, there was red dust over everything for a quarter of a mile in every direction – the roads, the trees, the houses, the cars parked in the plant’s parking lot, etc.

    • george lastrapes

      They used to be Democrats, now they are Republicans. no worse damage than that.

      • Maybe

        Excellent point.

        I wonder what the next step of their evolution will be. I mean, how much more de-evolved can you get than a Trump Repub?

        • george lastrapes

          One Texas Republican can devolve into numerous floating rafts of fire ants. The question now is, does each and every ant get a vote?

          • Maybe

            I think ants would be a step up. At least they didn’t vote for Trump.

  • Serai 1
  • SeeTrain65

    The Trump Prophecies: The Astonishing True Story of the Man Who Saw Tomorrow… and What He Says Is Coming Next

    ASTONISHING … AND TRUE!

    In that vein, let me relate another story, just as astonishing and just as true, about my trip to Hollywood yesterday where I was abducted and forced into a BDSM foursome by Sofia Vergara, Julie Bowen and Sarah Hyland on the set of Modern Family …

    (See Mark. You’re not the only one that has fever dreams. Get help now.)

    • CovfefeOfTheThoughtlessMind

      That is a far superior brand of delusion, I must say.

  • phoenix00

    It’s sort of their version of Occam’s Razor. It is so bizarre and unthinkable to them that people would disagree with them or not think like they do, that vast and complicated conspiracy theories are literally the more believable option.

    … which is essentially the prima facie violation of Occam’s Razor, meaning these people’s brains are irrevocably fucked levels of cuckoo?

    And A440? C528? I prefer Revolution 909
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uURB-vo9rZ4

    • CovfefeOfTheThoughtlessMind

      And that’sa marinara!

  • If the Illuminati wants to brainwash people into hating Trump by changing their DNA, I am good with that, honestly. A society that hates Trump is OK by me, however we get there. I think the DNA of Trump voters could probably use some tinkering.

  • John Strycharz

    Here’s a wild future-y prediction: soon this dipshit will be running for public office in whatever batshit-crazy State of the former Confederacy he dirt farms in.

    • george lastrapes

      For all you know, he could be a person of the Yankee persuasion.

      • BeachLoafer

        A super-quick googling suggests he’s from Florida, because of course he is …

        • george lastrapes

          No real surprise. No surprise either that the Weeping Nazi is from New Hampshire, while Heather Heyer is- was- a native Virginian. As outnumbered as they are, there are more liberals in Texas than in, say, Massachusetts.
          Again: stereotyping-by-state is not helpful, is damaging, to the progressive-liberal cause; this, over and above the fact that it is a lazy and spiteful way to think. Or to not think.

          • george lastrapes

            Replying to myself. Could that actually be in Putin’s playbook: bots and trolls camouflaged as prog-libs, insulting prog-libs, creating discord and disunity? I’d be surprised if it hadn’t occurred to the Russophiles.

    • Sakonyachen

      DIRT FARMER LIBULZZZ!!!11!!

  • Viktor

    My belief in the apocalyptic stuff is my justification for purchasing Jim Bakker buckets of food.

    • Grumpy Old Man

      /s?

    • CovfefeOfTheThoughtlessMind

      The reviews of that swill are hair raising.

  • Alan

    This guy might actually be the wackiest.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Might be, but he’s got a lot of good company. “Wacky” doesn’t even begin to describe some of ’em. FUBAR begins to get to the essence.

      • Alan

        True. For the first time in my life I actually find myself at a loss for adjectives.

    • dshwa

      It’s a competition that I hate more than The Voice

      • Sakonyachen

        And without the wacky chemistry of Blake and Adam’s rivalry.

  • Jo Mathie

    “Rock and Roll” music? Did we time warp back to the 1950’s? The only conspiracy regarding Trump is the Russian one.

  • unionthuggery

    But Bill jr., he was a daredevil, just like his old man. He was leaning out saying, “hey everybody! Look at me! Look at me!” Pow! He was decapitated! They found his head over by the snow cone concession.

  • mellowjohn
  • dshwa

    Music geek that I am, I did immediately wonder what A 440 had to do with mind control, other than liberals like going to the symphony, even before you mentioned it.
    Also, doesn’t The Firefighter Prophet sound like the title of a trashy romance novel you read on vacation?

    • george lastrapes

      I’m reading ‘Remembrance of Things Past’. Listening to Mahler’s Tenth. Seeking out the timeless in this difficult time. In between nerve-wracking visits to Wonkette. If the Strumpet goes six hours without doing something appalling, I get palpitations. And when he does something appalling I become nauseous.

  • Christopher Story

    Maybe this is pedantic, but you don’t “invent” frequencies; at best, you can “discover” them.

    • CovfefeOfTheThoughtlessMind

      Not at all pedantic. The frequencies all exist, and merely wait to be played or voiced.

  • Wow! I thought it was the Orange sunshine that changed our D.N.A.

    • Grumpy Old Man

      Nope, it was Owlsly’s Purple Mickey Mouse brought to you by Sandoz Pharma
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4eL0-i6_hc

      • CovfefeOfTheThoughtlessMind

        Good old Eric Burdon, the bane of karaoke singers everywhere. My brother, who went through his own karaoke period, noted that the hit “House of the Rising Sun” is a kind of karaoke death trap, attractive because it is a legendary ass kicking classic, and deadly, because it demands far more high volume vocal endurance than most untrained singers possess, something they are horrified to realize somewhere around the middle of the fourth verse, as their own voices begin to give out with two and a half verses to go, and karaoke humiliation looming in the relentless march of the chords.

  • UpstateNYObserver

    This is what happens when they get off their meds and stop going to group therapy..

  • Toledo Window Box

    Make America Grift Again

    Trump is bringing the conmen out of retirement.

  • Keith Taylor

    It is wonderful how any gibbering loopy dingbat whatsoever, or any scamming con artist, or even any person who happens to be both those undesirable things at once, can set himself up as a prophet and acquire a following and make some money. I insist I am not a fan of the savage draconian punishments prescribed in the Old Testament for all kinds of heinous sins. I never did figure out the divine logic that decreed it is okay to eat grasshoppers but an abomination to eat ants. Nevertheless … at least in the brutal primitive world of 1200 BCE or thereabouts … maybe the death penalty for false prophecy made a certain amount of sense. Maybe in this day and age a fine would suffice?
    Until then, I hope Robyn Pennacchia and her colleagues keep on with the public ridicule when it is called for.

    • CovfefeOfTheThoughtlessMind

      “Nobody ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the great American public.”

  • BFD

    Folks, our country is thoroughly unhinged.

  • Heather

    Jumping Jesus on a pogo stick! I love that this references the Dead Milkmen.

  • Basic English

    God I love the A432 people and the C528 people and basically anyone who thinks these are anything but arbitrary numbers pulled out of someone’s tukhus:

    http://mobile.schillerinstitute.org/site/music/revolution.html

  • Grumpy Old Man
  • Grumpy Old Man

    I just remembered that my father would wear boots with his pant leg tucked in the left boot?! I saw someone recently dressed the same; when I asked him about it he just shrugged – one more time and it is Masonic.

  • CovfefeOfTheThoughtlessMind

    This is A at 440 Hz, which I remember as the TV test pattern tone way back in the day, so apparently them ol’ Illuminati have been messin’ with our DNA since the 1950s, when we barely knew what DNA was.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OUvlamJN3nM

  • Carole

    Testing.

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