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Se oli hyvin häpeällistä! That was sooooo embarrassing!

Yesterday, our Presiderp held a joint press conference with Finnish President Sauli Niinistö. Finnish culture places a high premium on gravitas and abhors bragging. So Donald Trump welcomed his guest by blathering for 20 minutes about Joe Arpaio’s patriotic service to his country and bragging about the size of the crowds at his campaign rally.

Was it humiliating? IT WAS!

Fantastinen!

Donald Trump just about made it through his prepared remarks without shaming the country. Everything was FANTASTIC!

From the hurricane clean-up —

We’re working directly with Texas Governor Greg Abbott who by the way is doing a fantastic job.

To Finnish cybersecurity — although we’re catching up! —

You do do a fantastic job with cybersecurity and I congratulate you. And, uh, I think in a very short period of time we’re going to be right there with you, believe me.

To Finland making it 100 years without being gobbled back up by Russia —

On behalf of all Americans I congratulate you and the Finnish people on the 100th anniversary of Finland’s independence. One hundred years! It’s fantastic!

Coulda been worse! And then … it was.

Sheriff Arpaio: Amerikkalainen Sankari!

Joe Arpaio is an American Hero. Donald Trump knows this because he asked the pitchfork brigade at his Phoenix campaign rally, and they cheered like it was Jim Acosta being burned in effigy. Darn right he shoulda pardoned Arpaio Friday night during the hurricane — look at the ratings he got with the whole country glued to the teevee watching weather porn!

John Roberts: In the middle of Hurricane Harvey hitting on Friday night, you chose to pardon Sheriff Joe Arpaio. I wonder if you could tell us what was behind your thinking for issuing a pardon for the sheriff. And as well, what do you say to your critics, even some in your own party, who say it was the wrong thing to do?

Trump: Well, a lot of people think it was the right thing to do, Jim. And actually, in the middle of a hurricane, even though it was a Friday evening, I assumed the ratings would be far higher than they would be normally.

He had to do it Friday! DUH! It was sweeps week!

(In case you were holding out hope that this little nugget was lost in translation, forget it. President Niinistö speaks better English than you do.)

Then Trump whipped out a list of people pardoned by Obama and Bill Clinton. Because Marc Rich got off in 2001, so Trump is entitled to his own corrupt pardon. It’s just basic math, people!

Putinilla on ehdottomasti ne nuotit videotapeilla!

Putin definitely has those pee tapes! There is no other explanation!

Finnish Reporter: Mr. Trump, would you consider Russia as a security threat?

Trump: Well, I consider many countries as a security threat, unfortunately when you look at what’s going on in the world today.

We’re going to go out on a limb and guess that Donald Trump knows nolla about Finno-Russian relations. Does he get that we’re hauling our ships up to the Baltic Sea for joint naval exercises with the Finns because of Russia?

As a follow-up, the nice Finnish reporter wondered if the US would defend Finland from a Russian attack.

Well, as I said before, our relationship with Finland is a very close one. And we’re always ready to help Finland.

One of the things that is happening is you’re purchasing large amounts of our great F18 aircraft from Boeing. And it’s one of the great planes, one of the great fighter jets. And you’re purchasing lots of other military equipment. And I think purchasing very wisely. I know all of the military equipment, and I actually agree with everything you purchased. We talked about it before.

I think Finland’s really a respected country militarily. It’s got a large armed forces for its size as a country. Really, proportionally probably one of the biggest in the world, if you think of it. But they’re very respected militarily. And they’re respected beyond militarily. So, hopefully, it’ll never come to that.

So, no. He got pee in his hair, and now the Finns are on their own. ALLEGEDLY.

We are very protective of that region. That’s all I can say. We have very, very great friends there. We have great relationships there. We are extremely protective.

President Niinistö gripped the podium as his eyes bugged out. Which is probably how the Finns show that they approve and feel totally reassured.

Oletko huumeita? Dude, are you on drugs?

And then Trump hit the 20 minute mark, so it descended into lunatic argle bargle. Within thirty seconds, he went from ranting about Americans drowning under a tide of Mexican drugs,

Tremendous drugs are pouring into the United States. At levels that nobody’s ever seen before.

To bragging about how he and his chief of staff are seizing all the drugs at the border.

The wall is needed from the standpoint of security. The wall is needed from the standpoint of drug — tremendous, the drug scourge, what’s coming through and through that, through the areas that we’re talking about. As you know I have General Kelly here. We stopped traffic coming through 78%. I think it’s going to be 81% this quarter. Which is a record.

Poppy, what have we told you about dipping into the stash?

Niin monet blondit! So many blondes!

Then Trump accused President Niinistö of calling on the same reporter twice.

“Again?” said Trump, mistaking the woman for another female reporter who had asked a question earlier in the news conference. “You’re gonna give her — the same one?”

“No, she is not the same lady,” Niinistö replied. “They are sitting side by side.”

“We have a lot of blond women in Finland,” the reporter interjected.

Hahahaha! What a …

OH.

Nevermind.

Mitään muuta? Anything else?

Well, The Dealmaker in Chief said he was going to pretend to cancel NAFTA as a bargaining chip. But it’s cool, because he’ll negotiate a better NAFTA, and all the jobs will come roaring back.

I’ve always said. I’ve talked about NAFTA, and you’ve heard me many times. And I’ve always said, we will either terminate it or renegotiate it. We’re in the process of renegotiating right now, renegotiating the deal. I believe that you will at least have to start to the termination process before a fair deal can be arrived at. Because it’s been a one-sided deal. And this includes Canada by the way — great respect for Canada, great love for Canada. But it’s been a one-sided deal for Canada and for Mexico. And the United States workers, all of these incredible people who have lost their jobs because of NAFTA, they’re not going to be suffering any longer. It’s been unfair for too long.

At which point, President Niinistö silently thanked Jesus that he’s got Putin in his back yard, instead of The Orange Idiot.

Three and a half more years!!!!!!!!!!

[WaPo]

We watched that whole, idiotic press briefing! If ever we deserved a tip, today’s the day!

$
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  • Nounverb911
    • schmannity

      Winning?

      • Nounverb911

        Is it time to ‘short’ the market yet?

    • Creepoman

      The first four words of the quoted sentence are entirely superfluous.

    • Claire

      Shit, I rebalanced my portfolio to cut MY exposure to US stocks, and I live here.

    • OneYieldRegular

      So, uh, I take it that was a successful meeting then with the Finnish President.

  • Michael R

    Ugh

    ” Trump does have a way to pardon people involved in the investigation while still escaping legal consequences — but it involves him stepping down and relying on new President Mike Pence to pardon him. “

  • Do you think everyone has already called China up to be their new best friend?

  • JMP

    The President does not have the power to unilaterally walk away from existing treaties, moron. And no, the extreme racist who ran fucking concentration camps for Latinos, many of whom he tortured to death, is not “a good man” but one of the most evil men in America.

  • schmannity

    Those darn Finns all look alike, what with their straight, often blond hair, and milky complexions, amirite?

  • Michael Smith

    I think the European countries would have been better prepared for such an ignorant doofus being in the White House if this were still the early to mid 19th Century, when that was pretty much the stereotype.

    • grindstone

      And when they had their own inbred royal doofuses? Doofusi?

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Doofi.

        Also, too, the United States back then was just another country, not the one that caused other countries to catch pneumonia when it sneezed.

      • Eileen Besse

        Doofi.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Trump just wanted to tap the Finnish Strategic Blonde Reserve.

    • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

      Are their banks run by savings blonds?

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste
    • Msgr_MΩment

      Realli?

      • Villago Delenda Est

        An umlaut bit my sister once…

        • kareemachan

          I hope she’s okay – they can be rabid, ya know…

    • Creepoman

      Better get my order in before the reindeer herders snap them all up – spinach, bacon, avocado please. Sour cream – WTF? Are you some kind of monster?

    • pstockholm

      My favorite:
      ääntää, Eng. pronounce.
      Ironic in a way.

  • WIDTAP

    OT: Trump displeased that his Phoenix rally had the biglyest crowd ever. Fires event organizer who had already quit Trump campaign and came back as a one time contractor.

    http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2017/08/trump-fires-event-organizer-over-crowd-size-at-phoenix-rally.html
    Trump Fires Longtime Event Organizer Over Sparse Crowd at Phoenix Rally

    • Mehmeisterjr

      And then he brags about the size of his crowd.

    • “You’ll never work in this dried up Cow Town in August ever again”

  • JMP
  • John Iwaniszek

    Jeegbus fucking christ. How did we get into this mess?

    • Nounverb911

      Morans?

    • JMP

      The media’s hatred of Hillary Clinton and assumption that she would win lead to the most extreme biased coverage of any American election in my lifetime, enabling the forcing of the dumbest man in the world into the Oval Office.

      • Duke

        Easy ratings covering his stupidity.

      • Creepoman

        Best one-sentence synopsis I’ve seen!

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Hacktackular Haberman and Thrush lead the Vichy Times in their breathless coverage of Hillary’s emails.

      • CripesAmighty

        Idiot America.

    • bbayliss

      television.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Marykcortez

      Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family!!!
      On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
      >>>http://GoogleFinancialJobsCash440TopProductions/GetPay$97/Hour

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

    On my playlist. “Indica” from Finland.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SxKx9GHPrzk

    • Pilotshark

      funny thing “Indica” was on my smoke list:)

  • memzilla Ω

    Wonkette: We Watch Trump So You Don’t Have To.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Every time you think Trump is Finnish, he comes back and does something even more ugric.

    • JohnBull

      So sick of Trump. Khanty be any stupider?

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      I am Hungary for more.

      • Ricky Gay

        Czech mate!

        • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

          Nor way, dude!

      • BearGHAZI

        But why does he have to be so Bulgar?

    • Bill D. Burger

      (One Finn is worth a 1000 Russians”

      (*Worst and oldest pun in Finland.)

    • Weird Fishes

      This is utterly brilliant.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Massive Finnish pension fund unloads U.S. stocks because… Donald Trump

    Published: Aug 28, 2017 11:36 a.m. ET

    ‘The lesson from 2008 is that if we have a problem in the U.S., then we all have a problem’

    That’s the rationale CEO Risto Murto of the Varma Mutual Pension Insurance Co. used in a recent interview to explain why the biggest private-sector pension fund in Finland is trimming U.S. stocks in its $53-billion portfolio, according to Bloomberg.

    “If I look at what is the moral and practical power, there is no longer a traditional president,” Murto said. “The lesson from 2008 is that if we have a problem in the U.S., then we all have a problem.”

    Specifically, he pointed to Trump’s response to Charlottesville as a “breaking point if you look at how business leaders reacted.”

    • YoBunnyBunny

      But everybody* in Phoenix thought Trump did swell on Charlottesville!!!!

      *not to be take as literally “everybody”

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Trump, as usual views history through the lens of his own greed and malice. Whatever effect NAFTA had on this country, it absolutely eviscerated the rural agricultural economy of Mexico, which led to the massive influx of desperately displaced immigrants heading north. It also provided the fuel and foot soldiers for the rise of the cartels and the Mexican narco-state.

  • MynameisBlarney

    Every time I let myself start to think turmp couldn’t possibly be any more fucking boorish, ignorant and rude, this kinda shit happens.

    Jesus H.W. fucking Schmidt! They need to keep him distracted bright and shiny objects while someone else that isn’t a total fucktard speaks in his stead.

    This is beyond mortifying.

    • grindstone

      Do you remember the halcyon days when our embarrassment was maxed out by Billy Carter?

      • MynameisBlarney

        Billy Beer was the symbol of our country’s embarrassment back then.

        • laughingnome

          Now it’s Svetlana’s piss.

          • MynameisBlarney

            That is just the tip o’ the iceberg.

      • CripesAmighty

        Billy Carter, renaissance man. Whoda thunk it?

  • Villago Delenda Est

    We’re doing so great on cybersecurity that all Donald’s cybersecurity experts have resigned, because it’s obvious to them that Donald doesn’t give a fuck.

    Oh, btw, Donald, have you ever heard of the Winter War?

    • Mehmeisterjr

      I like a war that isn’t in the Winter.

    • MrTusks

      Winter War. Love that show. With the short guy, and the dragons. That Khaleesi ain’t to bad to look at, either.

  • msanthropesmr
    • kareemachan

      Moomins!

  • ArgieBargie

    “We’re working directly with Texas Governor Greg Abbott who by the way is doing a fantastic job.”

    Bullshit. I’m in Houston. There is simply not enough help and/or coordinated efforts to get people out of mandatory evacuation areas. We are relying way too much on volunteers (myself included) to get the job done.

    Not only they haven’t learned jackshit from Katrina, but also the leadership is even more incompetent this time around, if you can believe it. So fuck this orange bloated pimple. I hope he [redacted] soon.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Trump takes a shit: “First he’s Russian and then he’s Finnish.”

    https://media.giphy.com/media/1gArwncRlXac8GIhNy8/giphy.gif

    ~I’ll show myself out.~

  • NotDarkYet

    He didn’t grab them by the pussy?

    Well, fuck me, that was a rousing diplomatic success!

    What’s everyone bitching about?

    /s (just in case)

  • Duke

    Why would any country invite Trump for a visit and why would they hold a press conference once they did?

    Asking for a friend.

    • laughingnome

      Dark humor.

      • Permit-holder Ron

        Cheap laughs and the US pays for it.

  • Indiepalin

    Wait till the Super Bowl when Trump issues a posthumous pardon for John Wilkes Booth.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Booth, he’s a fantastic individual. More and more respected in his field.

  • God requires sacrifices, Ivanka.
    https://i.redd.it/q4lbmma9f0jy.jpg

    Get with the Old Testament Program

  • Ωbjectifier

    You’re so sadly neglected,
    And often ignored.
    A poor second to Belgium,
    When going abroad.

    Finland has it all …

    • Permit-holder Ron

      Pony trekking or camping
      Or just watching TV…

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Finland is not currently purchasing F-18s. They currently have about 60, but their selection of a replacement fighter is still at least a year away, with a final decision anticipated some time in 2021.

    The man lies like he has a quota to meet.

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      I doubt he lies. I think he honestly has no idea what is going on so he makes up things on the spot with the little info he has on the topic. Finland has F18s? and is looking into buying new jets? Finland is buying F18s.

      • Permit-holder Ron

        A is true
        B is true
        therefore
        A = B
        Yeah, that makes a depressing amount of sense.

    • cmd resistor

      Details, details.

    • CripesAmighty

      Bet after that little pitch, the phone’s ringing at Dassault.

      • Permit-holder Ron

        Or SAAB.

  • La forza del resistino

    Helsinki his own presidency by Thanksgiving day.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Norway, but it would be Swede.

      • La forza del resistino

        at this point we are all suffering Stockholm Syndrome.

      • pstockholm

        Faroe out, man!

    • Mehmeisterjr

      I hope for this Dane night.

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

    Nokia me?

    That’s all I got this early in the morning.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Karma, meet Prescience.

      • TheFamilyThalamusPersists

        You give him too much credit.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • at least the world will be in competent hands with Putin.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Fuck that.

        • I don’t know where I’ll be then.. .but I won’t smell too good, that’s for sure.

  • Ωbjectifier

    How do I get my hands on those tremendous drugs?

  • Proud Liberal
  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    The man really has a very limited vocabulary hasn’t he?

    • Ghenghis McCann

      He’s like a talking Barbie, repeating the same few phrases over and over.

      • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

        Math is hard!

    • Permit-holder Ron

      On Sunday I squired around a four-year-old boy who loved flying rockets, and liked to help build them. HE had a better vocabulary than Cheeto Pendejo.

    • TheFamilyThalamusPersists

      There was an analysis of his speech which produced a diagram indicating that he speaks on a level consistent with a fifth grader’s sentence construction… lemme find it… http://www.politico.com/magazine/story/2015/08/donald-trump-talks-like-a-third-grader-121340 … I misremembered…it is actually a third grader according to politico. I disagree with their opening statement, though. Hi really is an idiot.

  • Randy Riddle

    Well, to be fair, blonde females all look the same to FoxNews viewers.

    • Permit-holder Ron

      Do they even notice they’re blonde?

  • JackLinks
    • Mehmeisterjr

      I have a hunch that the word “fantastic,” as applied by His Donaldness, tends towards the second definition: “imaginative or fanciful; remote from reality.”

  • Scooby

    Ironically, Palm Beach has Americas largest Finnish community.

  • Proud Liberal

    There is NO WAY this country can take 3 1/2 more years of this. NO WAY.

  • Joe Beese

    In fairness, they don’t look that different.

    This is about 94,317 on the list of Proofs That Donald Trump Is A Stupid.

    • NastyBossetti

      Sure, it’s way down on the list. And if one had a navy blazer and the other a black blazer, it would be difficult for someone who doesn’t know them to tell them apart from across the room. But they’re wearing very different colors, so he doesn’t even have to recognize their faces, and he told the guy he could pick someone for another question and then interrupted him to be a dick for no reason.

      • bbayliss

        He doesn’t look at women’s faces.

        • Permit-holder Ron

          THIS

  • Zonath

    “I know all of the military equipment. Uncle Kelly lets me play with my toys on the floor until it’s bedtime. Sometimes I make boom boom in my pants, and Uncle Kelly makes me go to bed early. I don’t like that.”

  • Rick Hill

    Why does a part of my brain feel as though someone hit it with a mushy two by four after I read the things that trump says?

    • II Gosala

      make America stupid again

    • anon_the_great

      Have you seen Videodrome? Could be enlightening

      • Rick Hill

        Homework? First there’s math on Wonkette and now homework….

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      Because you constantly expect the train of thought to be finished but instead he diverges into another direction and in the end you have like 20 unfinished trains of thought in your short term memory begging to be finished so they can be converted to your long term memory.

      • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

        My Grandmother conversed like that (all her life, not a symptom of dementia)– BUT, she always kept track, somehow, of each train of thought and brought them all back together by the end of the conversation.
        She was a virtuoso. Donnie 2-Scoops is a baby trying to play a kazoo.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Joe Beese

      It’s always the same. We invent an ass-robot in the hope of serving man. Then…

      • MynameisBlarney

        Then, the Bunda Armies take over the world.
        Every damn time.

      • Old town Urbandale

        …we elect it President.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Logically, if the phone won’t bend, that means it has to go up my ass. Do I have that right?

      • MynameisBlarney

        I believe so, yes.

      • Pilotshark

        aww the engineers like it to be called a phone hostler. it is a blue tooth device so you can whistle out your holster while walking. :)

    • Nockular cavity

      You’d think they could build a better-looking ass robot…

      • MynameisBlarney

        In time, I’m sure they will lol.

    • mardam422

      Yeah. THAT’S why they invented it.

  • anon_the_great

    I bet happy hour w/ European leaders is a hoot. “Zen zee orange vone said…”

  • Joe Beese

    You can handle another 10 inches of rain, yeah?

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DIZwtkaXoAExpg1.jpg

  • Iron Monkey

    They all look alike.

  • Rick Hill

    He always hit’s a part of the interview where he is an unprepared student answering an essay question:
    Finland military military buying our military military the best military so beautiful military because strong military…..

  • Rick Hill

    So, if after this short a time he’s already stopping over 80% of the drugs coming in, then his wall is totally unnecessary

    • Old town Urbandale

      How does he know that 80% is being stopped? Do the successful smugglers report in so that stats will be accurate?

      • Ghenghis McCann

        Could it be that he just makes it all up?

      • GoutMachine

        Gotcha! You’re being arrested for drug smuggling. Now, please fill out this short survey.

      • CeeQ

        TPS reports. As long as it has a cover sheet.

        • TheFamilyThalamusPersists

          Can I borrow your stapler? Your red swing line stapler?

          • CeeQ

            I have one of those!! Prize possession 😃😃

    • OneYieldRegular
  • Weißwurst Supreme

    “Congratulations on beating off the Russians 100 years ago. I know from personal experience how hard that can be on your arm.”

    • Eileen Besse

      ISWYDT….

  • Cranky Man

    Folks, when the call goes out to surround DC with barricades and pitchforks, vowing not to relent until he resigns, will you be there?

    • Beowoof14

      Yes, and I am heading out to my local hardware store to buy a pitch fork right now.

      • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

        I’ve had my pitchfork from day one along with my club and torch. In fact, they are a matched set.

        • Dr. Jo

          not a tiki torch, I hope

          • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

            Nope, I ain’t playin’, I’ve got the real thing.

      • Cranky Man

        Buy some water coolers also. We can hold out for weeks if there is enough water. Thanks

    • yyyaz

      With as many cases of hobo beans I can fit in my pickup bed.

    • GoutMachine

      Yes, I’ll be there from the inside! (I live in D.C.)

    • Eileen Besse

      Immediatement!

    • CeeQ

      How about we just build a wall around the White House for 3.5 yrs? Post guards all round and ship in cheetos and beer and ice cream. He can have all the scoops he fucking wants just as long as he leave us all alone.

  • MrTusks

    Whats with all the Ikea bullshit in this article?

    • TundraGrifter

      Meatballs libulz!

      • mailman27

        With a lingonberry smoothie!

    • pstockholm

      Here’s a Allen-wrench-ish thing (that Ramsey would have appreciated for
      its finger-peeling effect); you can assemble the article yourself.

      • MrTusks

        Aw cute, all the profanity comes in it’s own little plastic bag.

        • Permit-holder Ron

          <golf clap>

  • Beowoof14

    Hey the biggest security threat to the US is Money Boo Boo in the Oval Office.

  • beatbort

    We’re Finnished with this guy. Can you take him back to Scandinavia with you?
    Finnish president: Nor way!

  • jesterpunk
    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      Hell…until I noticed the date, I thought he was actually being honest for once. I figured only thing in that tweet I could quibble with was the word “small.”

      • jesterpunk

        The 3rd law of Trumpiness, there is a Trump tweet for every Trump action.

  • Claire

    Not entirely OT: Well, shit this doesn’t sound good.

    ‘But it’s U.S.-related political risk that remains center stage, according to Eurasia. The greenback is the worst-performing currency this year among 16 major peers, according to data compiled by Bloomberg.

    “Further erosion of President Donald Trump’s domestic policy coherence, as well as concern over his unpredictability in international affairs will continue to weigh on the dollar versus developed market safe-haven currencies, such as the yen, the Swiss franc and even the euro,” Sankaran said.’

    https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2017-08-24/different-kind-of-market-rotation-as-u-s-becomes-political-risk

    • Anna Rompage

      That’s one way to export a little more, and bring some low wage mfg jobs back to the states, sink the fucking value of the dollar…. No wonder the new iPhone is $1000 instead of it’s normal $800, imports are going to cost us more….

      • Mike Rhodes

        Let’s be honest: The reason the phone costs $1000 is because there are enough dumbfucks willing to spend $1000 on a phone. The only good reason to spend that kind of money on a phone is if you need one that can call relatives on Mars.

  • Whollyholeyholy

    It’s like we are all on acid all the time. I had seen various aspects of this reported on separately, but I had no idea it was packaged like Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory into one surreal event.

  • Can I just say that my case of echolalia is loving the name Saoli Niinnisto?

  • exinkwretch

    “How are you, Solly! I knew your brother Vito when he was working ‘waste management’ in Flushing. Helluva guy! Wait, what? What the hell is ‘Finland?’ “

  • folderol

    I suppose it would be too much to ask the State Department to wire him up with electrodes before every conference so they can deliver teensy little shocks when he strays off course.

    It’s only a matter of time before he becomes, literally, barking mad.

    • CripesAmighty

      Too late.

  • UnsaltedSinner

    “Finland is respected by Russia. Finland has been free of Russia, really — just about one of the few countries in the region that has been — for 100 years.”

    https://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2017/08/28/remarks-president-trump-and-president-niinist%C3%B6-finland-joint-press

    With some minor exceptions…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yu9Q2ZHfROM

    • Oblios_Cap

      I was unaware of the fact it was now 2045.

      • Permit-holder Ron

        How time flies!

  • Walter Wellstone

    They all look alike to Donald.

  • beingreleased

    “Trump: Well, a lot of people think it was the right thing to do, Jim.”

    We have a name for those people: Racists.

  • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

    Gah! I caught like ten seconds of that. Donnie was standing around like a petulant child while the Finnish president was talking. I know the US’s reputation is in the toilet already; but if it wasn’t the shitgibbon’s performance at that presser would put it there.

    • Walter Wellstone

      Wait until he makes an ass of himself again (if he hasn’t already) when he comes to Texas.

      • Eileen Besse

        Done.

    • cmd resistor

      I saw the part where he was reading his statement and struggling to pronounce the words. Never looked up. It was like a third grader reading a speech.

      • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

        Obligatory: Third grader libel!

    • Old Man Yells at Cloud

      Welcome to our national swirly. His past performances put us in the toilet. His current ones just keep flushing.

  • Iron Monkey

    It is just strange that a president can’t get through a ceremonial, pro-forma event like a press conference with a foreign head of state without putting his foot in a bucket and stomping around the room.

    • Oblios_Cap

      I’m blaming bad coke.

      • marxalot

        They’re cutting it with Fentanyl now.

        • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

          I sincerely doubt that drugs are to blame. If that were true, there would be occasional moments when he isn’t high and would make sense. No evidence of that.

      • OneYieldRegular

        “Tremendous drugs…tremendous. Almost as great as the historic rains in Houston.”

      • TheFamilyThalamusPersists

        I’m blaming the two neurons connected by a spirochete that comprises his brain.

    • Daniel

      A bucket into which he has just shat.

      After the press had been allowed into the room.

  • Jgb979

    It’s clear he can hold it together for about 20 minutes tops before he descends into tantrumming and insanity.

    Can’t someone pack some goldfish and Ritalin? Maybe stop for a juicy juice break?

  • mardam422

    I know all of the military equipment. Planes and guns and stuff. Even some of those guns that shoot at planes.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Really, proportionally probably one of the biggest in the world

    I’m not so sure about that.

    • Duke

      I don’t think he’s heard of a place called North Korea.

    • bupkus231

      One really has to wonder what “proportions” Rump is talking about – the “proportions” of the asshole he pulled that “factoid” out of?

  • Lyly Sirivong

    You gotta admit, Trump’s joint press conferences with world leaders makes for great cringe comedy.

    • Marsupial99

      Sure, except we’re the punch line!

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Are Canada and Mexico involved in these renegotiations, or is it just Trump’s big brain?

  • Oblios_Cap

    Tremendous drugs are pouring into the United States.

    Save some for me!

    • Permit-holder Ron

      Pouring in from Merck, from Pfizer, from GlaxoSmithKline…

    • aureolaborealis

      The BEST drugs!!

  • Beanz&Berryz

    He really can’t talk for shit…

    • Oblios_Cap

      He’s a fucking idiot.

    • writersbloc

      Remember how bad we thought G.W. Bush was…. it would be such a breath of fresh air to hear him now.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    “I said Finland has always had good relation w Russia but historians say USSR invaded in 1939. That was USSR not Russia.”#DeletedTrumpTweets

  • Oblios_Cap

    “We have a lot of blond women in Finland,” the reporter interjected.

    Only the best ones! Another reason to be jealous of the region.

    • george lastrapes

      Maybe Finland will pay for advanced weapons with blondes. Win-win deal!

      • Old Man Yells at Cloud

        Made that’s where Fox gets them. That or out of a bottle of bleach.

        • george lastrapes

          Hard to find blondes THAT dumb, especially in Finland.

    • aureolaborealis

      Naw. Those natural blondes look totally fake.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Really, proportionally probably one of the biggest in the world

    That’s what she said.

    • Boscoe

      yep, compared with his tiny weenus, his hands are proportionatly the biggest, probably, in the world.

  • Me not sure

    The Finnish Air Force flew with swastika markings before WW II. I’m surprised he didn’t bring that up.
    “Whatever happened to those?” https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/baff1ce70ab0df35c9ccf47b43bddb05941559de83b5d7125b0daf1f3be6d485.jpg

    • Old Man Yells at Cloud

      You are assuming he would have known that. Remember this is someone who didn’t know Lincoln was a Republican.

      • RMKH

        This is someone who doesn’t know jack if it’s not about him

  • Beanz&Berryz

    Oh, and Finland isn’t in the process of buying F18s. Not at all. They currently fly some older F18s, and in 2018 will start seeking bids from all the Western aircraft makers about buying new jets, but there’s no current purchase even in the works. Nada. Zilch. There’s a contract to upgrade some of the old planes, but no new planes…

    Quell moran…

    http://www.thedrive.com/the-war-zone/13902/trump-says-finland-is-buying-new-fa-18-hornets-theyre-not

    • WeaselPoo

      But you aren’t the Presiderp, so you can stuff your facts in a sack, mister. !

    • OneYieldRegular

      “…and so, Mr. President, we are going to try to sell F18’s to the Finns next year, but you know, it isn’t a done deal, so you know, ixnay on the ongratscay for the moment. And try to say something nice about Finnish independence – it was 100 years ago, but not on July the Fourth, just FYI, so please don’t mix that up. Okay, ready? I’ll have them bring in the Finnish President. That’s the President of Finland. In Europe.”

    • Celtic_Gnome

      And how seriously will they look at American manufacturers when they don’t know what’s going to happen to the American economy after they sign the contract?

  • Brendan_M
    • Red Bird

      Cute. The dog is always looking at the camera.

      • Jeffery Campbell

        And smiling!

      • OneYieldRegular

        If it wasn’t for the last photo, I might have thought that was a hand puppet.

    • Pat_Pending

      If that dog just had a cigar and a mic, he coulda asked Trump if he had a spare Constitution “FOR ME TO POOP ON!”

  • calliecallie

    “I know all of the military equipment, and I actually agree with everything you purchased.”
    This is like your Dad telling you he knows all about fashion, and he approves of all your back to school clothing purchases.
    Only much, much worse.

  • Perkniticky

    Oh man, this is the president who, after the knife attack, said that Finland couldn’t close their borders without isolating themselves. He’s the antithesis of Trump.

  • Raan

    “Three and a half more years!!!!!!!!!!”

    Maybe.

  • marxalot

    NAFTA is one-sided… one the part of TWO countries?
    Well, there you have it. Definitive proof that the Wig can’t count to three.

    • Lefty Wright

      It’s not like the U.S. hasn’t benefited greatly from NAFTA. U.S. exports to Mexico grew from about $42 billion in 1993, the year before NAFTA, to almost $230 billion last year. It actually topped $240 billion in 2014. Most of that was in manufactured products. So a very poor deal? Not quite.

      • Bitter Scribe

        Plus it greatly increased ag exports to Mexico by making it impossible for Mexico to protect its farmers through tariffs. Which is one of the many reasons the Mexicans roll their eyes when they hear Trump bitching about NAFTA.

  • GoutMachine

    I guess we should be glad that Drumpy didn’t talk about the reporters’ tits?

    • covfefesumgame0005

      and thank gawd they were out of tiny handed pussy-grabbing range!

  • SomeBigRedDog

    See? This is why we dogs have adopted butt sniffing as a means of greeting. If I ever had two attractive golden retrievers in front of me, one quick sniff would determine who was who without causing me to be an international embarrassment to my country.

    • Jeffery Campbell

      Oh, please don’t let on. Trump is likely to try this identification method on women.

      • SomeBigRedDog

        I WOULD NEVER CONDONE BUTTSNIFFING WITHOUT CONSENT.

        • Yellerduck

          Neither would I. You could get your nose severely snapped at.

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    I’m sorry, but do both of those reporter ladies have boobs? Yes? Then they are essentially the same being. Case CLOSED.

    • GoutMachine

      I’m sure they bleed out their wherevers, too!

    • MississippiLefty

      In his defense (I can’t believe I’m saying this) I have a hard time telling people apart if they have similar haircuts. I’m not “face blind” but I suspect that, like most things in nature, the ability to distinguish and remember facial features is on a continuum and I am at the sad end. It takes a huge effort (even more now that I am an old) to learn my students’ names each semester, when about 60% of the women are blond and wear their hair long. That said, if I had been in Trump’s place, knowing I am bad at faces, I wouldn’t have had the confidence (arrogance) to say anything.

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        I have the same problem, actually, especially with blondes. That’s why I go by clothing, if I can.

      • suziq

        They look similar so if you don’t know them you might think he was calling on the same person twice. The issue is-Ninistö is the one who was calling on people and he can tell them apart and I would say if he wanted to call on the same person anyway he could. The point is, Trump just had to butt in when he didn’t know what he was doing. Not a shocker of course, just adding to the embarrassment.

        • Invisible Bunyip

          I agree with you. If you think a foreign dignitary has made a mistake, don’t point it out to everybody!

    • BearGHAZI

      Whatever, all white people look the same

  • SadDemInTex

    Re: That fuckwit Osteen initially refused to house evacuees in his mega church (which is dry and cosy). He has now agreed to do so. The photo is a screen shot of what an FB friend wrote. (Wonkette, if you want to hire him to write I’ll give you guys his real name. He is truly brilliant and funny and an excellent writer. He used to sing at the Met). https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c970ed797a73a9efff36bc9857d2ca6bb7ffcea976c2bb94707354ab11c259c9.jpg

    • covfefesumgame0005

      well, you know when those poorz come inside they will take selfies and share them so that would endanger his fraudulent insurance claims!

  • natoslug

    If you’ve seen one redwood tree Finn, you’ve seen them all.

  • Teresa Welby

    Trump’s an idiot. BTW the pardon of Rich was not corrupt. He was doing what many others were doing and they were getting wrist’s slapped. His association with Clinton is why he got the book thrown at him. One of the people doing exactly what Rich was doing was Dick Cheney.

  • DesertedPictures

    Trump reminds me a bit of uk’prime minister David Cameron before the Brexit vote. He campaigned against the EU, telling everyone how horrible the institution was and promising a new deal (with less migration). The other 27 nations basically said no, but made some changes beneficial for the UK. Cameron sold his new lackluster deal as a great improvement… that didn’t work out in the end

  • I would think he will pardon himself, family members, Michael Flynn and Paul Manafort, among others, and if he is angry enough, Mrs. O’Leary, who, you must admit, got kind of a raw deal.” (Note: Myth has it that one Kate O’Leary’s cow kicked over a lantern in the barn and started the Great Chicago Fire of 1871. She was widely blamed but never charged.)

    Before this is over, Trump will empty the prisons into the streets of America and will have literally pardoned everyone…

    Including Mrs O’Leary’s cow.
    https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/3/3f/Mrs_OLeary%27s_cow.jpg/220px-Mrs_OLeary%27s_cow.jpg

    • DesertedPictures

      Anyone else worried that Trump might pardon that racist terrorist driver?

      • Crime will increase substantially after the prisons are emptied. Time for a martial law crackdown…

    • RMKH

      One dark night
      When we were all in bed
      Miss O’Leary left the lantern
      In the shed
      Cow kicked it over
      Winked her eye and said
      “They’ll be a hot time
      In the old town tonight”

  • The Librarian

    How is it possible that I’m turning red in the face over this, when I’m at home and no one can see me (especially Finland!)? The embarrassment runs deep.

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      I actually facepalmed after reading some of it. It’s too much to bear.

      • The Librarian

        IK, R? I just cringed.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    Hey, you know what else Trump apparently missed? The actual war between Russian and Finland in 1939-40. Almost certain that was less than 100 years ago, although it has been an awfully long week.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      Also, the term “Finlandization”

      Pig-ignorant dipshit.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        The beleaguered husband explained that to me, but I didn’t know what it was called. tx :)

    • pstockholm

      Two wars. They even managed to get in a brief war with their erstwhile allies Germany, too.

  • unionthuggery

    They really shouldn’t allow him to go out in public, especially with foreign dignitaries.

  • Daniel

    NAFTA: It’s been a very one sided deal for the other two parties involved in it.

  • Eileen Besse

    OT: The tRumps just got out our OUR AF1 and Melon is wearing a baseball cap saying “FLOTUS.” I wisely stocked up on beer but fear it’s not enough….

    • Paul

      Nope, nowhere near enough. I recommend an IV drip of single malt scotch when the going gets Hunter S. Thompson weird.

      • Eileen Besse

        LOVE!!!

      • Eileen Besse

        “No point mentioning those bats, I thought. The poor bastard will see them soon enough.” I fear we are all seeing the loathsome bats now.

        • Paul

          And Trump is driving the country into Lake Mead for a “water test”.

          I forget which car that was. The “Red Shark”?

          • Eileen Besse

            “The Great Red Shark.” God help me, we’re living it again….

  • Daniel

    “Tremendous drugs are pouring into the United States. At levels that nobody’s ever seen before.”

    Tremendous drugs. The best. Believe me.

    • JD Mulvey

      Good thing that wall will be transparent like Wonder Woman’s airplane! That way the people milling around on our side will know when big heavy bags of tremendous drugs are being tossed over.

      Who says he’s not a policy wonk?

      • Daniel

        “What’s the wall going to be made of?”
        “Well, I was you know there’s this believe me, there’s you’ve never seen so much- it’s incredible. Unbelievable, believe me. This there’s you know you see these scientics, right Ryan?”
        “Paul. It’s, my name’s Paul. Sir.”
        “Right, you need a nickname though.”
        “You called me “Lyin’ Ryan”. Sir.”
        “Then how come- oh right! You’re there’s look, Ryan, I know all about lying. Believe me. Wolf! You see. No wolf. There’s a wolf, Ryan, right behind you.”
        “There isn’t. Sir.”
        “My authority you know you have I say a lot there’s so much there’s you know loyalty, it’s a real. A real. And there’s that’s not there’s you can’t now, can’t too much- it’s the media. They it’s just so bad. So bad. Terrible, actually. Loyaltistic. None of them. You should be.”
        “Yes. Sir.”
        “So I say you know believe me- some terrible wolves they’re they’re not the good wolves, their the bad ones. Big. Big bad ones. Like they a lot let me tell you they said I couldn’t get 200. I got you remember? How daddy said there… no way they to 200. I got… how many?”
        “More than that. Sir.”
        “Much more. Billions. British ones too, not even the US ones, the British ones which are so bigger, so much bigly. They have more because we’re not making numbers here any more. They’ve all in Chi Na. Chi Na. You look at any number you like. Pick any.”
        “…four…”
        “Terrible number.”
        “Teen?”
        “That’s horrible the worst you couldn’t, I should make you, look everyone’s going to know Ryan. I’m going to tell everyone this room, there’s leakers everywhere.”
        “Well, sir, you’re an older man now…sir.”
        “I don’t know where they are but they’re everywhere and they’re tomorrow you believe me, the papers, failing all of them they’ll say “Ryan chose 14″ and you’ll believe me you’ll be out of a job. Anyway. There was… yeah, they make all the numbers in Chi Na now, except fourteen because that’s just the terriblest number. Eric turned 14, I left him on a little island somewhere. You’ve never heard of it, not many people have. Left him there. Not enough land sharks. You know where they end up?”
        “China? Sir.”
        “No! Russia. Not Russia. Fuck, not nothing in Russia. Anyway the… when I started you know this what was you I saying?”
        “Science sir. About the wall. Sir.”
        “Yeah, we’re going to make it from invisible material, I am there’s the best scienfits they’re going to make it in the woods, this it’s almost believe me like magic.”
        “And they’re going to do this with no help from anyone else, just make a magic new material out of thin air to save society by removing themselves from it first? Sir.”
        “Yep. That’s absolutely what the plan is.”
        That’s policy wonking, sir!”

    • mailman27

      He only knows three or four superlatives. They all get a workout.

  • Permit-holder Ron

    Watched a bit of that yesterday – only a bit cuz too much of Donnie’s voice and I wanna blow something up, and I’m out of fertiliser.
    The first thing I spotted was that, when he wasn’t talking, Twitler was zoned right out – blank expression, head pointing where he last left it, body motionless, marking time until it was his turn to talk again or until someone used his name. His lack of interest in anything but himself is frightening.

  • ltmcdies

    Donnie… from me and my fellow Canucks…. you can moan, bitch and whine. You can pop off constantly about the only trade deal you know the acronym for …. but we don’t care…. we’re not buying your god damn milk…

    • Beanz&Berryz

      But it helps the girls mature earlier…

    • theCryptofishist

      It also seems… odd… to me, to broadcasting your strategy before going into negotiations.

    • phoenix00

      I read an article in our local Postmedia-owned rag a few weeks ago contemplating the course of the NAFTA negotiations: basically Canada could give USA some cosmetic “victory”, let them take that home to a parade, while Canada actually extracts meaningful concessions just because Trump and his buffoons are clueless gorms.

      • ltmcdies

        Well it usually unwise to under estimate the opposition however…..

  • KBadger

    I just kept looking at the Finnish president’s face while Trump droned on. Priceless!

  • Les Appentis De la résistance

    Finland is the top world consumer of coffee per capita Many people don’t know that. They’re also the top in cloudberries and turnips. We’re at a close second but you can’t beat those Finns with their turnips.”

    — DJ Drumpf.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      I wonder how Finnish per capita coffee consumption compares to the Pacific NW…

      • SisterArtemis

        Interestingly, we have a heavy compliment of people with Finnish and other folks from that region here in the NW. Hmmmm….

  • TJ Barke

    Make America Grate Again…

  • David Chaillou

    Very first words, the orange thing introduces President “Ninutcho”. Listening to the Finnish journalists a bit later, i’m pretty sure “Ninnisto” would have been more respectful, Mr Dump.

  • chascates

    I’m waiting on Trump’s ‘finish’ press conference.

    • Zyxomma

      So say we all.

    • theCryptofishist

      And then Ivanka’s Winter WeAR collection.

    • phoenix00

      The one saying “I’m finished”? Me too.

  • Mavenmaven

    Just to make up for thinking of Finland and Trump at the same time, here’s a song from a great band out of Finland, from their 2016 album. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vhhVlzZk5No

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “We will defend the independence of the Finnish people…unless Vlad asks really nicely.”
    — Donald Trump

    • Cat Cafe for the Indictment

      “We will help Vlad take over Finland, but I’m not supposed to say that, I GUESS”

      • Latverian Diplomat

        “It will be a yuge takeover though. Really great.”

  • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

    “I know all of the military equipment,”

    Fuck, this fuckin’ guy – can’t he just give this crap a rest for ONE GODDAMN DAY.

    ye gods.

  • SisterArtemis

    Thanks, 5$F, for the transcripts of his remarks. I find him very strange to listen to, disturbing to watch, and when reading his remarks, get a real sense of the circular non-logic of his half-sentences.

    Was having a faceplace conversation with several people, all of whom have trouble listening to him. One gal said, and I’ll more or less quote here (emphasis mine), “He does strange things with his voice. I believe his intent is to hypnotize – literally. Just listen to the tone & the repetition: “Sheriff Joe is a patriot. Sheriff Joe protected our borders. Your eyelids are getting heavy. Sheriff Joe loves our country. You are getting sleepy.”

    She went on to say, in reply to another person, “I don’t just think he’s being overly simplistic, but is truly attempting a kind of mass hypnosis. Do you remember during the campaign -the first debate, I think- he was complaining to the press afterward about the quality of the audio “in the room” – the sound that went to the live audience. Now, think about how he stirs people up at those rallies.
    He’s doing some weird subtle voice thing. The rhythm, cadence, tone are more important than what is being said. There is a lulling effect. His words often don’t make sense & they don’t have to. ”

    She gave me something to think about, that’s for sure. Someone else compared his speech techniques to televangelists, which I also thought had some merit.

    • Zyxomma

      http://deoxy.org/sex&deth.htm text by William S. Burroughs (of course):

      “There’s an interesting book entitled The Origin of Consciousness in the Breakdown of the Bicameral Mind. The author, Julian Jaynes, postulates that the awe in which the ancient priest-king was held derived from his ability to produce his voice in the brains of his loyal subjects. This is the voice of god, which funnels through the non-dominant brain hemisphere. Jaynes cites clinical evidence; stimulation of the non-dominant hemisphere causes experimental subjects to hear voices. An attempted suicide who was rescued from drowning stated that a voice in his head told him to kill himself, and that for some reason he had to obey that voice. If you want to start a cult, the first step is to get your voice into the non-dominant brain hemisphere of your soon-to-be devoted followers. The Scientology course involves listening to hours of L. Ron Hubbard’s voice on tape. The voice of Dederich, founder of Synanon, was said to drift from the air conditioning system, and Reverend Jim Jones had tapes of his voice continually broadcast over loudspeakers at Jonestown.

      “The second step: make enemies. If there is one thing a cult leader needs, it is enemies – real or imagined -from which to deliver his flock. Having postulated fiendish enemies, the leader then sets up commando squads to deal with this self-created emergency: the Sea Org of Scientology, the Imperial Marines of Synanon, the armed guards of the Peoples Temple. Aggressive acts by these protectors then produce counter-actions from outside. After all, what can you expect when you break into Govemment offices, put rattlesnakes in people’s mail boxes, and murder a Congressman? These counterattacks, which the cultists bring on themselves, lead to escalating paranoia and more and more extreme measures.

      “Anyone who believes he owns all the answers is a lunatic.”

      • SisterArtemis

        Okay, that was pretty on point. And chilling.
        And, started the soft sleep teaching voice from Brave New World rolling in my mind.

        • Zyxomma

          I’ve read the book, but haven’t seen the movie.

          • SisterArtemis

            I think I saw the movie long ago, but don’t remember it. I’ve read the book many times; it was a foundational novel (along with 1984 and We) for an academic program I took in college, so was able to delve into it in new ways, with very bright minds. The whole story unfolds like a movie in my head when I read it. Okay, maybe a mini-series, but you get the idea.

          • theCryptofishist

            Dystopian studies?

          • SisterArtemis

            Interdisciplinary program at the Evergreen State College during the 1983-84 school year, dealing with dystopian themes, but also, social control, theories about communities and their health/disfuntion, sociology, art, history, communications, use of language, etc etc etc. Full year program, 16 credits per term, and the most wonderful academic experience I ever had.

          • Serai 1

            Remember the kind of subterranean thread of existential dread that was around during the very early 80’s as we approached 1984? It’s impossible to explain to anyone who wasn’t alive at the time, but that book had a hold on people’s psyches, even if you hadn’t read it or didn’t know it well. I don’t think there’s anything that would have that kind of effect on kids born after that year.

          • Moar Wordz

            Having first hand experience w/ social control, the use of repetition, slogans, and behavior modification- approbation for a series of tasks completed, plus a Godhead sort of figure is key in the indoctrination.
            Bill W. took acid while ” sober ” and reportedly used herbal remedies that were extracted into vials of grain alcohol. His voice, when I finally heard a recording of him, was chilling.
            Cult of personality.
            The idea of sitting in a church basement rereading the same chapters out of a book written in the 1930’s seems crazy to me now, but I willingly did this for years on end. Without my mtg’s reading the BB, my mind actually felt “fuzzy,” the writing of the BB became like a drug and definetely increased serotonin and norephrinephren, the two feel good chemicals the brain naturally produces.
            The slogans and phrases are still imprinted on my consciousness, in the same way strict religious doctrines stay in the minds of those raised with them, forever.

          • Serai 1

            There’s never been a really good adaptation of that book. Every time, the filmmakers chicken out in one way or another. There’s something about those classic extreme dystopia books that really scares movie makers – they’re too brutal, too final. They always get diluted in some way, and that’s disappointing. (Even that brilliant adaptation of Nineteen Eighty Four – which was both filmed and released in 1984 – couldn’t face the finality and darkness of Orwell’s ending and fudged it just enough to make it interpretable instead of final.)

          • Cat Cafe for the Indictment

            I don’t think it’s the filmmakers, but the audiences. They REALLY REALLY don’t like it. And to be fair, the experience of reading a book is far less visceral than being at a movie.

    • TJ Barke

      Glad I’m immune.

    • Bebecca

      I don’t think he does that because that would be a plan. I think he does and says whatever comes out of his brain and mouth at that moment.

      • Dudleydidwrong

        Agree. While it might, for some, have the effect described I cannot believe that this is intentional. Rather, it’s the sing-song repetitive voice of a poorly educated person making sounds imagined by him to convey intelligence.

        • Cat Cafe for the Indictment

          THIS^^^^^

      • SisterArtemis

        I’m not sure it’s intentional either, but I thought it was an interesting comparison. And even if unplanned, he may well be having the same effect on his followers.

    • ExecutorElassus

      It is also the intonation and cadence one would expect from someone lacking any serious education with a severe neurodegenerative disorder who is living in an eternal present.
      My dad was an alcoholic for decades. My ex’s dad was, too. They both kinda talk like this: circular sentences that don’t actually mean anything, rambling, A speaking cadence that’s a sort of rhythmic incantation, etc. etc..
      Now, when I hear That Asshole deliver a speech, that’s all I hear: someone with a severe mental impairment talking bullshit.

    • Serai 1

      He may be imitating those people, but subtlety to the point of trying to perform hypnosis? That’s beyond him, I think.

    • Hardly Ideal

      I always got the vibe of a used car salesman who rolls back the odometer. Like, he can’t shut up about how awesome his things are, even when you can see they’re held together with baling wire and duct tape.

  • BreakingDeadMen

    Where are these tremendous drugs? I could sure use some of them.

  • TJ Barke

    How can anyone take this clown seriously? WTF, America?

  • armed_bears

    This is a thing a president said: “Tremendous drugs are pouring into the United States.”

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      o rly?

      (kidding)

    • kaydenpat

      He knows words! He has the best words! Believe me!

    • Tio_Doidinho

      Speaking of which, did we ever find out what tremendous drugs Cheeto Boy uses/abuses? Based on his campaign behavior, I’m guessing speed and Xanax.

    • CeeQ

      Does he know where these tremendous drugs are being sold? Asking for a friend.

    • James Baskin

      Where can I get some!?

    • phoenix00

      I’m betting they were all pumped into Trump Tower

  • TheFamilyThalamusPersists

    Hei, Munapää! Painu vittuun! Haista persebaya vittu Saatana!
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y2M4-fwISDk

    • NorthernSaber

      Damn- that’s giving him the business right there. I got most of it and can fill in the rest…

      • TheFamilyThalamusPersists

        Dang, I love that gif- the righteous, raging indignation is perfection. Text is pretty much: Hi dickhead! Fuck off!
        Followed by this little nugget my grandma taught me multiple decades ago: Smell ass and pussy, devil ( a generic curse ) !
        Then the gif is simply: Fuck you!
        😊

  • theCryptofishist

    Seriously? He knows all the weapons, too? When does this man ever rest? He knows everything about everything.

    • Odd Jørgensen

      And no doubt about it, him having a very good brain and all.

  • kaydenpat

    All pussies, I mean Blondes, look alike.

    • Moar Wordz

      Blond libelz ! Say it to Hillary’s face, maaan

  • Jesse

    “This is a one sided deal for Canada and for Mexico”

    YOU CAN’T PUT ‘ONE’ WITH ‘AND’ YOU BRAINSHART!

    Not even noon, need a drink already…

    • Cat Cafe for the Indictment

      I believe the “one sidedness” refers to the deal. A “one-sided” deal could be made by numerous parties–each one, favoring only one side, in this case, the imputation being that this deal favors THEM (sorry, MY DAD WAS A PROFESSOR AND MADE ME SPEAK LIKE THIS). The fault is that IT IS NOT A FUCKING ONE-SIDED DEAL

  • whitroth

    Hey, we can out-blond them! I just saw a woman in the Metro yesterday who looked like an Aryan recruiting poster: very pale skinned, very blond, and her long hair in two heavy braids….

    • Moar Wordz

      Was she carrying a sled ?

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Or accompanied by a dragon?

        • Moar Wordz

          Was her hair sort of more platinum than blond ? She has a friend named Tyrion….

  • This guy worked in TV and claims to have been expecting big ratings on a Friday?

    • Hardly Ideal

      I was wondering about that too. Has he not heard of the “Friday news dump?”

    • Cat Cafe for the Indictment

      He didn’t “work” in TV. He was told which mark to hit and where to sit by Mark Burnett. Mark Burnett works in TV. Trump is just a blathering deranged moron who has never worked a day in his life.

  • (((fka_donnie_d)))

    He went into the list of presidential pardons, because he needs to pretend, desperately, that this is not about him being a racist asshole standing up for a racist asshole.

    • freakishlypersistent

      Pretend away, fucker, number, yours we’ve got. Such an asshole.

  • Serai 1

    Because I can’t help but hear this any time the name “Finland” is mentioned.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=baHsoEAAMZU

  • theblackdog

    *sigh* This embarrassment is why we will probably delay the honeymoon we want by a few years.

  • Sekhmet1

    Oh. God. That is just about beyond snark. Simply reading the transcript is painful.

  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    Tremendous drugs are pouring into the United States [President]. At levels that nobody’s ever seen before.

    I think that about fixes it.

    • Invidosa

      The BEST drugs, TREMENDOUS drugs!!

  • In apology/honor of Finland experiencing “the Trumpening” I share their best word: Hyppytyynytyydytys. “Bouncy cushion satisfaction”

  • Invidosa

    . . . Every once in a while I think “oh no, THIS is rock bottom”. . . And every time something WORSE happens. . . God I need to drink more. . . Yup, even more. By time four years passes I’ll just be bathing in booze on a daily basis

    • Pisto75666

      What’s a liver good for anyway?

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      Dinesh D’Souza: “Hold my beer.”

  • OrdinaryJoe

    USA is with stupid.

  • phoenix00

    So is Finland actually buying those F-18s?

    N.O.P.E. (what is that in Finnish?)
    http://www.thedrive.com/the-war-zone/13902/trump-says-finland-is-buying-new-fa-18-hornets-theyre-not

  • Keith Taylor

    President Niinistö absolutely should thank Jesus for that. Or Vainamoinen or whatever ancient Finnish hero he believes in instead, if he does, because if Trump was in Fnland’s back yard, he’d be capable of missile-blasting Finland in error, mistaking it for North Korea.

    • unionthuggery

      Ilmarinen libelz!!

      • NorthernSaber

        Man, deep reference there. Been many years since I taught Kalevala- might have to read it again now!

        • unionthuggery

          I read it years ago. Parts of it stuck with me. I’m more familiar with Norse mythology, but the Finnish stuff was certainly memorable.

    • Chris King

      obama dropped more bombs than bush. bombed at least 9 sovereign nations with which we never declared war.

  • Iam Reading

    So basically all of our country’s gravitas is being completely and utterly flush down the global toilet. Thanks Trump and Trump voters can Bernie write ins and Jill Stein voters and so on.

  • Johnny Appleseed

    “you think I Finish? No Swedish!”

    • r m reddicks

      Norway I believe that.

  • NorthernSaber

    All that fucking idiot that America’s Dropouts elected needs to know about Finland is summed up in one word: “Sisu.” Like all great words it doesn’t translate well-guts, balls, courage, grit- all rolled into one. It’s what helped them bleed the Soviets white in Karelia in 1940; it’s what they’ll call on if Trump’s handler in the Kremlin tangles with them now. And no, they won’t ask his fucking permission to do so.

  • Moar Wordz

    Painful

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    “Presiderp”

    Stolen.

    • HooverVilles

      Stolen twice!

  • persistently_resistant_gayby

    Sorry Finland. :/

    • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

      Sorry Planet Earth.

  • Not Flat – ROUND!

    So… the Embarrassment-in-Chief should build the wall out of the “tremendous drugs”. That would be GREAT for tourism and the wall will pay for itself – “Come visit our Drug Wall, $10 per lick”.

  • sillyclucker

    I swear to god he babbles worse than The Tundra Tart herself. I really didn’t think that was possible.

  • RugzYaBurnt

    Oy gevalt, this is a much deeper investment in Finnish culture than I ever realized the Wonkettariat possessed!

  • cicatricella

    Oh dear.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    “One of the things that is happening is you’re purchasing large amounts of our great F18 aircraft from Boeing.” Niinistö, thinking in Finnish: “Chrïst, whåt å fücking ïdiøt.”

    Il Douche, as ever, is completely full of shit. Finland is looking at a bunch of aircraft, and says “the procurement decision will be made in 2021”
    http://www.defmin.fi/en/topical/press_releases/2016/the_finnish_defence_forces_logistics_command_received_responses_concerning_the_replacement_of_the_hornet_aircraft.8083.news

  • Unsaintific

    “And you’re purchasing lots of other military equipment. And I think purchasing very wisely. I know all of the military equipment, and I actually agree with everything you purchased. We talked about it before.

    I think Finland’s really a respected country militarily. It’s got a large armed forces for its size as a country. Really, proportionally probably one of the biggest in the world, if you think of it. But they’re very respected militarily. And they’re respected beyond militarily. So, hopefully, it’ll never come to that.”

    What the f**k was that? Can anybody honestly believe President Niinistö was not cringing secretly, as the Orange Assmouth rambled on! You can bet the Finnish delegates broke into laughter the moment they boarded their flight. And it probably involved making a Finnish accented immitation tRump’s ramblings.

    And it’s all because a-hole tRump voters.

  • Invisible Bunyip

    Perkele.

  • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

    this was off the hook, even for Donnie.

  • Marykcortez

    Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family!!!
    On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
    >>>http://GoogleFinancialJobsCash440TopProductions/GetPay$97/Hour..

  • andyshelt

    Trump regrets awarding the Mexican wall contract to the cheapest bidder.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/8a63e5b42763c48d716aa6df66017f31dd470ca667f4cf27c5ba52697dce341c.jpg

  • Relativicus

    Wait, you’re one of the Helsinki Dollar-Feminists?!?

  • ManchuCandidate

    Well it is true. All y’all white people look alike.
    /remembers all the times some really dense white people mistaken me for someone else and grins/

    • Empress of the Iguana People

      All you humans look alike to me. I’ve been known to mistake people of different races for each other. but she looked a lot like my sister!
      Why yes, I do get a lot of odd looks. Why do you ask?

  • fawkedifiknow

    I hope these foreign leaders who meet with President Dumbold J. Trump write some “tell-all’ memoirs some day. We deserve a good laugh, for having to go through this hell-on-earth administration. Imagine what they must be thinking, as they listen to this moron prattle on and on.

  • Hazel Blumberg

    Just remember: All Finnish Blondes Look Alike.

  • Carole

    In honor of the occasion Melania the omniglot taught him 3 words. Of Swedish.

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