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The Titan refugee program was a bad idea, we'll admit
Resettling Titan refugees was, all agreed, a bad idea

In the middle of all the Hurricane Harvey news Sunday morning, Donald Trump remembered that Texas is right near Mexico, and if only we had that wall built already, we wouldn’t have to shut down the government, which may get in the way of hurricane relief but we gotta, because it’s a matter of principle. But that thing occurred to him, so he decided the hurricane was a good time to bash Mexico, because that’s how his very presidential mind works:

Mexico, not surprisingly, was not all that impressed, and the whole country took a moment from all the murdering and raping so its foreign ministry could issue a statement reminding Trump, “Dude, we ALREADY TOLD YOU”:

As the government of Mexico has always maintained, our country will not pay, under any circumstances, for a wall or physical barrier built on US territory along the Mexican border […] This determination is not part of a Mexican negotiating strategy, but a principle of national sovereignty and dignity.

Get real, Señor Pendejo. We’ve been over this. You know it’s not going to happen any more than Trump Tower taco bowls are going to become the next big food truck trend. Give it up, Piñata boy. But we’ll tell you what we will do: Even though the only thing you’re good at is calling people names, we know that when a neighbor needs help, you help them, even if your neighbor has that one asshole uncle who screams like a madman at you, because on the whole, your neighbors are good people. And so the foreign ministry’s statement continued:

The government of Mexico takes this opportunity to express its full solidarity with the people and government of the United States for the damages caused by Hurricane Harvey in Texas and reports that we have offered the US government all the help and cooperation that can be provided by the different Mexican governmental agencies to deal with the impacts of this natural disaster, as good neighbors should always do in times of difficulty.

You know, just like a bunch of criminal thugs would say. Mexico would be the same good neighbor that, in 2005, thuggishly sent aid to New Orleans to help clean up after Katrina, when another Republican administration found itself with a natural (and man-made) disaster that had overwhelmed an American city:

Our president at the time had the sense to be grateful for a neighbor’s help, because while he didn’t know how to pick a FEMA director, he knew what real help looked like:

Yep, in 2005, Mexico sent 35 of its Army trucks across the border, with “two mobile kitchens that can feed 7,000 people a day, three flatbed trucks carrying mobile water-treatment plants and 15 trailers of bottled water, blankets and applesauce,” along with 195 military personnel, including engineers, doctors, and nurses. You might even say Mexico was sending their best.

Not that we’d accept help now. People are in need, but Donald Trump’s on top of things, and he has far higher priorities than letting a bunch of Mexicans help Americans rebuild their lives. What we really need is a wall, because boo, Mexico.

In fact, why aren’t we deporting Mexicans as soon as they’re rescued from the floodwaters? Possibly because Houston’s mayor, Sylvster Turner, says HELL NO:

“There is absolutely no reason why anyone should not call [for help]. And I and others will be the first ones to stand up with you,” Turner, an attorney, said to reporters. “If someone comes and they require help and then for some reason [someone] tries to deport them, I will represent them myself.”

Turner was replying to a reporter’s question about SB 4, the state’s brand new ban on “sanctuary cities,” which was signed by Gov. Greg Abbott in May, but will only go into effect September 1, this Friday. Turner said at a news conference Monday that as far as he’s concerned, the right thing to do is to put that “law on the shelf” until the rescue operation is over:

“I don’t care who you are, I don’t care what your status is. I do not want you to run the risk of losing your life or [that of] a family member because you’re concerned about SB 4 or anything else,” he said.

It’s not clear whether the state government is on board with that, but Shannon Edmonds of the Texas District and County Attorneys Association said that even if SB 4 takes effect while rescues are ongoing, the law is only meant to allow law enforcement to check immigration status during arrests, so it wouldn’t apply to people receiving emergency services.

“Technically the law is directed at detentions related to the commission of a crime,” he said. “The problem is the inference that people in those communities may draw: that it won’t be limited to those kinds of circumstances. And that’s always been one of the objections to it.”

Whether law enforcement officers can be trusted not to go Full Arpaio and start demanding “Papers, please” during rescues is another matter. They probably aren’t supposed to, but it’s the sort of thing the governor or attorney general might give some useful guidance on, though they probably fear being called soft on illegals. At least FEMA has issued a statement on the “Rumor Control” section of its website to clarify that

U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) and U.S. Customs and Border Protection (CBP) has stated that it is not conducting immigration enforcement at relief sites such as shelters or food banks. In the rare instance where local law enforcement informs ICE of a serious criminal alien at a relief site that presents a public safety threat, ICE will make a determination on a case-by-case basis about the appropriate enforcement actions.

Not sure how reassuring that really is, however, given that lately, a “criminal alien” who poses a “public safety threat” is anyone whose papers aren’t in order. Couldn’t hurt to have the number of an immigration lawyer handy when folks head to a shelter. The New Cruelty may not take a break for some mere natural disaster.

Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations. Please click the “Donate” clicky and we’ll try to remember that earlier feel-good post…

[BuzzFeed / Mic / Texas Tribune]

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  • La forza del resistino

    Ivanka wants to help Texans with flooded homes too by donating pumps.
    Size 5-8 only, 3 inch heels. 5 inch heels available for a modest S&H charge.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Ivanka’s new book, “Women Who Won’t Drown” advises that you “swim smarter, not harder.”

      • Gayer Than Thou

        Please come to the front desk to claim your prize.

      • YoBunnyBunny

        Actually… don’t swim at all. Just be born to someone who can afford a luxury yacht.

        • FlownΩver

          Pronounced “Throatwobbler mangrove.”

    • therblig

      i hear she also volunteered to send mules.

    • CeeQ

      Remember ladies – you might meet a cute National Guardsman/Guardswoman while waiting to be rescued from your submerged apartment!

      Ivanka Trump’s “Harvey Honeys” limited edition pumps guarantees that you’ll be the belle of the rescue shelter!

      AND snag you the number of that hottie from Houston who plucked you out of the flood waters! Available soon in sizes 5-10.

  • GoutMachine

    You know we’ve really gone down the shitter when fucking W looks reasonable.

  • Creepoman

    “. . . two mobile kitchens that can feed 7,000 people a day.”

    Finally, the taco trucks we were promised!

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Remember, that was only if we voted for Hillary.

      Which, I guess, we did.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        More than once!

    • richardgrabman

      Taco trucks? Those are a gringo thing (and around a couple hipster neighborhoods here in Mexico City). At a Revolution Day parade a few years back, the mobile kitchen crews got the biggest cheers of all. Those guys actually know how to cook decent food. And that’s Mexican food, not Tex-Mex.

  • Vincent Ricola

    OT – this orange blowhard is on my teevee talking about how it’s cool he pardoned the American patriot Joe Arpaio because *enter list of Bill Clinton pardons here* and Obama pardoned Chelsea Manning. Fuuuuuuck him.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Except Obama didn’t pardon her. He commuted her sentence, of which she had served 7 years. Big difference.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        And, you know, she was trying to expose government abuses. Not commit them.

        • little miss high and mighty

          odd to se her (kinda) free and Julian and Edward locked down.
          Could say Ol Glenn is kindas ham strung hisself, no?

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        shoulda scrolled down.

        Always. Scroll. Down.

        • Gayer Than Thou

          Post, then scroll, I say. When upfists are at stake, seconds count.

    • Ellie

      And he’s sporting a brand new spray painted face! I’ll bet he glows in the dark.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I wouldn’t swear to it, but I think Trump called Chelsea Manning “him” also, too.

      • Vincent Ricola

        I heard that too, but he’s so mumble mouthed I couldn’t tell for sure.

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        Wouldn’t shock me.

      • Tiffany de Houston

        He did.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Hey Caitlyn! ARE YOU SORRY YET?!?

        redacted that attention-seeking redacted redacted $%&!*#…

    • ken_kukec

      All Trump’s moves come out of the caudillo playbook of a banana republic. When called to justify any decision, immediately go to “what about all the fucked up stuff my predecessor did?!”

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      fuck, i keep seeing that Chelsea Manning thing.

      MANNING DID TIME.
      Obama COMMUTED HER SENTENCE, IIRC, NOT pardoned her.

      • Vincent Ricola

        It must be the newest manufactured wingnut talking point. I hadn’t heard it before Donald started reading his list of pardons throughout history.

        • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

          some lady on twitter said it this morning – i think it’s in the Wonkagenda thread somewhere.

        • therblig

          nj.com had a poll on arpaio. a fair number of comments deadnamed the “traitor manning”.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Trump hates trans people and wants to throw meat to his rabid, bigoted base. That’s why he singled out Manning. Also because he’s a racist fuck who hates everything Obama ever did, including breathing while black. Especially breathing while black.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      So, all those pardons Bill and Obama did were wrong, just fucking wrong? And that makes this pardon right? How do logic work?…

    • ltmcdies

      Note to America… your highest elected official does not know the difference between a pardon and a commuted sentence

      He… is …. a …fucking….idiot

  • Skeptical_thinker

    Trump sucks dead bunnies through a straw.

    It had to be said so I said it.

  • Daredevil

    Trump: We’re gonna build a border wall and Mexico is gonna pay for it!

    Also Trump: If I can’t build my border wall I’m going to shut down the US government! Also I meant Mexico would pay for it through taxes and stuff.

    Intelligent people: https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/582d85103442d894863f28a088ed713c52805ca338d54571d0a4db28773f6bd6.gif

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    Hate the sentimental music but here is a clip of the Dutch Navy being first responders to the Katrina disaster and I know several Dutch frigates are once again close since they are in the Dutch Antilles so we can be there within hours.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7IpU__xXa2g&t=3m0s

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Trump just asks Finnish president “so you’re calling on the same woman reporter?”
    Finnish pres.: “uhh…that’s not the same woman, they’re sitting near each other.”
    Woman reporter: “there’s a lot of blondes in Finland.”

    …and now I’m keeling over dead.

    • Vincent Ricola

      That was magic.

      • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

        As are ponies.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      I hear the Finnish president is done with Trump.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I’m sure you know the way to the door…

        • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste
          • Gayer Than Thou

            To be fair, I can’t open doors either. Not after all the day-drinking Twitler makes me do.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            OUT!

          • Paul

            WTF V&P??!!1!!

            He is not respecting your authoritah. Tumbrels. All I got to say.

    • No. Really? this is not real.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I’m literally dead now. Although I am listening to Trump talk about how Mexico is DEFINITELY paying for the wall, because they have a huge crime problem, and they’re flooding America with drugs.

        • CindyinEncinitas

          Go to the light…

        • Permit-holder Ron

          I wonder what would happen if Presidente Nieto heard this, shrugged his shoulders and called the trucks back?
          Nah, unlike Twitler, he’s reasonably humane.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            What kills me is that Trump KNOWS Mexico is not paying for his stupid wall. A few days ago Trump was threatening to shut down OUR government, if our Congress tells him to “suck it.” Jesus, he is dumb.

          • YoBunnyBunny

            And so are his numb nut honky-nationalist fan boys. But he sounds “strong”… whatever that means.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            Thank god drug dealers won’t be able to figure out how to go over, under, or through that wall. It’s not like they have unlimited resources and motivation or anything.

          • Riley Whodat Venable

            Given current conditions in Texas the drug dealers could float over in bass boats.

          • Three Finger Salute

            I think Peña-Nieto is the one Trump calls Piñata Boy. Or Ricky Ricardo. No, wait — Piñata Boy Ricky Ricardo. Gotta fit the modifier in there before the name.

          • Permit-holder Ron

            Who knew gratuitous insults were so complicated?

      • Vincent Ricola

        It was real and it was as offensive as you imagine.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          I was actually embarrassed for Trump, which was a first.

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef
        • Jenny

          Ratings? What ratings? What the hell is he talking about??

          • Gayer Than Thou

            Billboard’s Hot 100 Pardons list.

          • Riley Whodat Venable

            I like the tune, it’s easy to dance to. But the words suck. I give it a 36.

          • Ratings. For a pardon. That were not high enough because of a hurricane

        • Jgb979

          Fer fahhks sake.

          I’d just have to imagine the likelihood of Hillary still having a job on Monday if she pardoned a convicted criminal for no reason other than supporting her campaign, and then BRAGGING ABOUT THE RATINGS.

        • What thwle fuck

        • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

          {{{Slams forehead into keyboard.}}}

        • CeeQ

          What the actual fuck.

        • (((fka_donnie_d)))

          Trollin trollin trollin

    • CeeQ

      To which Trump visibly drools, turns to aide and asks when the next state visit to Finland will be. When you’re President, they let you do it.

  • I have an image in my head of sister alma standing at the door to a shelter blocking ICE thugs bodily while lecturing them on the mercy of jesus. She may be holding a yard stick

    • yyyaz

      I hope she has an umbrella stand nearby with a couple dozen spares.

      • Invisible Bunyip

        I don’t know sister alma, but I suspect she’s always prepared.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    Trump: “If Mexico doesn’t pay for the wall it doesn’t want, I will shut down the United States government during a severe natural disaster.” Well alright then. More evidence, as if more evidence were needed, of how Hillary was just as bad as Trump.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Trump was kind of walking that back from his very presidential press conference this afternoon. He’s still claiming Mexico will pay for the wall, because they’re a crime ridden, lawless, hellhole.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        with tacos. Therefore, leave them the fuck alone, Two Scoops. Gah!

      • ltmcdies

        Because criminals always pay for their side of the fence?

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          I was surprised he went with the flattery route to try to get them to pay.

        • little miss high and mighty

          Villain Tom Horn wove the very nooe with which he was thereafter hanged.

    • Riley Whodat Venable

      Texas should ask to rejoin Mexico.

  • PixieThis

    So rescuers aren’t asking, “Papers, please!” before letting anyone into the boats?

    • WotsAllThisThen

      “Conceal carry permits are acceptable. People with student IDs will have to swim for it.”

    • OutOfOrbit

      well … there [may be] the occasional exception to this non-codified non-official statement

  • proudgrampa

    “Piñata boy”

    My martini shot out of my nose at that one…

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      That’ll give you a lift…

    • hendenburg2

      What kind of martini? Hoping for your sake it wasn’t a dirty martini

  • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

    “Whether law enforcement officers can be trusted not to go Full Arpaio and start demanding “Papers, please” during rescues is another matter.”

    JFC – these people were just flooded out of their homes, most with only the clothes they have on their backs. Documented or undocumented, their damned birth certificates and other paperwork are going to be under 3 feet water. If they do this, legal U.S. citizens are going to caught up and it’s going to be baaaaaddd.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Implying that’s not intentional.

      GOP commandment: Deport ’em all and let Gawd sort ’em out.

  • Jgb979

    While admittedly the country has ALOT of problems, I feel like a good percentage of Americans think the country is nothing but drug lords and anarchy, and are shocked that they have things like a functioning military and government.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I wish we had a functioning government.

      • Rick Hill

        Well, we’re working on it….oh, wait. You meant functioning the other way….

    • Permit-holder Ron

      Good railroad system, too. We’re seeing a LOT of FCM auto carriers even Up Here.

    • Vincent Ricola

      I blame all those bachelor party themed movies where the hilarious dudes end up in some unnamed Mexico jail full of stereotypical bad hombres.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Americans won’t accept that the cartels are our fault. NAFTA should be trading weed with US/Mex/Canada. Instead, we have a racist KKKeebler elf who wants to put people in Gitmo because the Lard says cullerd peeples are sinful for something something trees and cookies. Meanwhile, painkillers and booze continue to be the #1 culprit in addicts dropping like flies. Nothing to see here folks, it’s all legal! SMH…

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Trump and Kelly are now stopping EIGHTY percent of drug traffic. Wow, I had no idea that we went from stopping one percent to eighty percent in seven months. VERY impressive.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Math. You have to add the vodka and carry the meth, divide by the square of stupid and I’m sure you can now see the increase or at least, darkness.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        I was told there would be no meth…

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I just watched the “president” of the United States question the Finnish president on why he was calling on the same female reporter twice. The Finnish president had to explain to the idiot in chief that they were two separate women who happened to be sitting near each other. The female reporter said “there are a lot of blondes in Finland.” I’m too busy cleaning my brains off the walls, after my head exploded, to do any math

        • yyyaz

          So, in addition to the damage done by his lasik surgery a couple of decades ago, his idiot stunt of staring at the eclipse has reduced his visual acuity to actual Magoo status. Nice.

          • YoBunnyBunny

            So when does some patriotic White House aid slide the Resignation Letter into his daily stash of important papers to sign?

        • Sophie McMillan

          you cant expect the cockwomble to differentiate between two blond women.

          • YoBunnyBunny

            I upfist your “cockwomble”.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        Hey! Every time I talk math{{{ZZOTT!!!}}}

        shit

    • Permit-holder Ron

      What they meant is that they’re now only stopping 80% of that original 1%, so 0.8%.

    • Relativicus

      That’s nothing. Illegal immigration by guys named “Shifty” is down 100% since February 1st.

      • SeeTrain65

        Have they caught D-Money or Smoothie yet?

  • Bill D. Burger
  • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

    I wonder if Greg Abott is going to go all, “yeah, we’ll call you if we need ya.” He’s in a tough spot for a Republican, let the mexicans help or let people die.

    I think he might refuse help and god help him if anything horrible happens.

    • OutOfOrbit

      “–[if] anything horrible happens.”?

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        i meant while this offer is on the table…but yeah. Ole Abbott waited awhile to activate the national guard (those dudes should have been parked and waiting), so I suspect he’ll ignore this offer was ever made.

    • MrTusks

      “let the mexicans help or let people die.”

      Which do you think the average Texas republican thinks is worse? Especially when the dead are mostly “urban” types?

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        believe it or not, your “average” Texas white person or republican person won’t want people to die.

        The die hard wackos are a slim miniority – just loud.

        • Permit-holder Ron

          I sincerely thank you for reminding us of that now and again. The wackos aren’t just loud, they’re trying to convince us that they speak for everyone else in the state. In the COUNTRY.

          • Hi time for the not loud ones to drown the fuxkers out eh? See also pastor letter re charlottesville

          • Permit-holder Ron

            Yup. Good People need to grab the microphone away from the assholes and not give it back.

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            aye – indeed. It’s easy to think we’re all like that, but the noisiest, craziest of us get the attention.

      • “Give me Liberty or give ‘those people’ death!”

    • Rick Hill

      Considering the circumstances, the new rain expected, the damns that are aging and the reservoir full, that something horrible is pretty much likely.

    • Panika MCD

      Patrick is no where to be found. Cornyn has Abbott’s ear right now so I suspect that’s why he already said he would accept.

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        i just saw that – and knew you’d know better. I saw another story (a Rawstory one I didn’t take too seriously) saying that the new insurance law is going to fuck over people who make storm damage claims. I didn’t post it, but wanted your input on it.

        • Panika MCD

          HB 1774 is totally going to fuck people on insurance.

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            as somebody who defended civil lawsuits on behalf of hte insurance companies, it vaguely sounded like it’ll help them. (the story is terribly written).

            but apparently come lege person basically said back in May, this is going to be a problem when we get storms.
            (hell even here we have flood insurance, cause the storms can get bad and flash floods are a real thing).

          • Panika MCD

            president of SBOT sounded the initial call on this. he has a much better statement out.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    Even sportsball has more sense than Donnie Two Scoops to not burden first responders with trying to handle other things while they’re busy rescuing people.

    https://twitter.com/MLB/status/902258223473975296

    • JustDon’tSayDignity

      At least that’s more neutral than the fuckin Cubs’Stros series going to Milwaukee in ’08. Still bitter about that even after we moved to Cali.

  • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

    i would fucking LOVE it if Mexico sent a bunch of help, did what needs doing, goes home…and sends Trump a fucking bill for it all.

    • yyyaz

      Of course, the shitgibbon would hold it up at a presser and write VOID on it with a huge sharpie.

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      But they won’t because civilized countries don’t do that. You guys never received an invoice for our deployment of the hr ms van Amstel and you never will.

      • Other countries need to start charging and force trump to drop his protection racket slash wall con

      • Panika MCD

        I’m fine with them sending Trump himself the invoice…just to be paid by his charity and business, not the US government.

      • Since the water infrastructure will be damaged, the Netherlands can ship over pallets of pils for the afflicted to drink.

        • Robbertjan Brandenburg

          That would be such a party.

          • JustDon’tSayDignity

            As long as it’s not Heineken or Amstel Light.

    • shastakoala

      And add a huge service charge.

      • JustDon’tSayDignity

        At least 18%. After all, the party is larger than 6 people.

    • CeeQ

      And added an extra 12% for Asshole Tax.

    • (((fka_donnie_d)))

      Dont worry, he will never pay

    • Kitty Smith

      Better make that estimate twice what it actually is. He never pays more than half.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Open letter to CNN: why do you make me listen to Jack Kingston? Is it because Rick Santorum, and Bill Kristol just aren’t wrong and annoying enough?

    • Vincent Ricola

      I can only watch Jack Kingston while pretending he’s evil politician Woody Boyd from an alternate dimension, otherwise the brain pain is too real.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        His voice irritates the shit out of me, and I’m from the South.

      • Bill D. Burger

        Just watching, aside from listening, to him Gump-whine through that perpetual toothy grin is more than I can tolerate.

    • Three Finger Salute

      It’s because many sides are both good and bad at the same time. Many sides.

      #NeverForget

      http://img.usmagazine.com/article-leads-horizontal/disgusting-f1560f86-6dde-4d68-9398-6aeb43dc32ef.jpg

      “Forget what?” -CNN

      • Why are you fucking giving them air time cnn

        • HooverVilles

          1) Why? $$$$ over everything else. The corporate bottom line matters.
          2) CNN has been pursuing that FOX business model for some time now.

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      When Trump supporters yelled “Fuck CNN” it was the only time I could relate to them.

      • Ricky Gay

        Remember when they gave “The Situation” his own room?!

        • Robbertjan Brandenburg

          As a dutchman I don’t but it proves my point.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    This website – the accuracy of which I cannot vouch for – kind of suggests Mexico and the United States are comparably crime-ridden, and in at least some ways (gun crime, rape), the U.S. is worse. So maybe we should be paying for Mexico’s wall.

    http://www.nationmaster.com/country-info/compare/Mexico/United-States/Crime

  • Crystalclear12

    Would everyone like a sad?
    Imagine if Hillary were in office.
    She would be in Texas and taking time out from her hard work to thank Mexico for their continued support.

    • No she would not be in texas. She would be monitoring her fullu funded fema efforts and keeping the hell away until like friday when they could spare some detail

    • Panika MCD

      what she said.

      • Wanna give a liberal an orgasm? Fully fund FEMA. Bam.

        • Panika MCD

          a lot of times the underfunding is not due to political ideology. it happened under both Shrub and Bamz.

    • Jamoche

      In a part of Texas where the security requirements weren’t shutting down the relief effort, even.

  • Panika MCD

    Abbott said on Friday that immigration status would not be checked at shelters and Houston Police Chief Art Acevedo, who was standing next to Mayor Sly when he said that, is an immigrant himself.

    Abbott has already accepted Mexico’s offer and I seriously doubt anyone at the border who is worth their weight in salt will stop them–I would not at all be surprised if those who aren’t are already hog tied with duct tape in a closet.

    he’s a video from Art:

    https://www.pscp.tv/w/1OdKrookQkXGX

    • Three Finger Salute

      Wow, a rare eclipse of partial humanity for Power Wheels…

      • Panika MCD

        it’s not rare. Gov. Wheels has shown himself to be incredibly weak in his convictions. it was used for a lot of good (though very much behind the scenes) early in his term. once Patrick got a hold of him, it turned evil. Cornyn is driving right now…except not the chair–one thing Gov. Wheels will not abide by is being pushed by someone else.

        • unclejeems

          I hear Abbott’s favorite hymn is “Stand Up, Stand Up for Jesus.”

          OK, I’ll leave now . . .

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      i still think Mexico should bill us for their costs.

  • Anna Rompage

    Speaking of not so good neighbors.

    Some of the Cajun Navy volunteers, who are helping rescue people in Houston are being shot at…

    ““We have boats being shot at if we’re not picking everybody up,”

    Thank god for that second half of the second amendment and guns for everyone!

    • Panika MCD

      I still have no confirmation from people on the ground about this and, as wet guns don’t fire, would recommend not spreading it.

      here are confirmed fake stories. will let you know if I hear anything that confirms or rules out yours.

      https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-intersect/wp/2017/08/28/no-the-shark-picture-isnt-real-a-running-list-of-harveys-viral-hoaxes/?utm_term=.232708f98a73

      • Bobo the Dork Boy

        Um, wet guns fire just fine.

      • Clark_Nova

        Speaking from combat experience, wet guns DO fire, just make sure to drain the barrel or they’ll explode.

        • Panika MCD

          no reports pf exploding guns.

        • little miss high and mighty

          Like McCarthy’s pursued hero , desperately blowig his exhausted breath through the open barrel, having just fled uphill though sand rock and water . He gets his single, most hopeful discharge and the hound at his feet drops hard.
          or something, yeh, blow out that barrel well or get sun’s warmth ito it or you’d be doing your pursuers a favor when you attempt firing it.

    • DiegoVan

      I suppose that you have a sign in your front yard that says

      “Gun Free House. Leave us alone”

      Or you could put up this one

      “Protected by 911”

      You have told all of your friends and neighbor’s that you have no guns in your home, right? You wouldn’t want to be a liar.

      Or you may be like a lot of anti-Second Amendment folks, you don’t have guns, but you hope the robbers think you have them just like your neighbor’s do.

  • Rick Hill

    trump’s mouth hole just made these sounds ;
    “I’ll be going to Texas tomorrow, I look very much forward to it,” Trump said on Monday. “Things are being handled really well. The spirit is incredible of the people.”

    • mackafritz

      Why is it that the president must make an appearance at these natural disasters?
      They only get in the way.
      The best thing would be to stay out of the way and let the professionals do their jobs.

      • Rick Hill

        It said he was not going to the worst affected areas. Proly going to El Paso or something

        • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

          Well, they will certainly become the worst affected areas when Donnie appears there.

        • clairence

          That’s a good thing. No need to interfere with aid efforts.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        Physical Law of Science: If it is the best thing to do, Donnie shall not do it.

        • HooverVilles

          Trouble is, he does the opposite anyway.

    • Rags

      “I very much look forward to viewing the dead and injured, homeless people, devastated communities, wrecked infrastructure and everything else that makes the Houston area a catastrophe today.” FIFH

      • mardam422

        “Are there any injured or homeless white people I could be photographed with?”

        • clairence

          don’t forget the playdoh. When you’ve lost everything, there’s nothing like a pasty toy you can also eat if necessary.

          • Creepoman

            Speaking from experience – way too salty!

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      The spirit is incredible of the people.

      That grammar is so Presidential. Donnie finally pivotated!

      • Rick Hill

        He’s saying what we are all thinking

      • clairence

        It’s like he’s diagramming his sentences in his head as he speaks, but forgets to put them back together before he utters them.

      • little miss high and mighty

        incredible once meant non plausible or impossibly absurd, sort of.
        Now is gets splattered on everything and everybody and it is a sickness.
        Incrdible Abuse aflicts our speech!
        Pick other words for “fabulous or amazing, or stupendous or something.
        we are gettin sick o incredible.
        Dump Incredible.

    • HooverVilles

      Isn’t this sorta like argle bargle or pure applesauce or something

    • HogeyeGrex

      “Things are being handled really well.

      So… we’ll be hearing about a slew of disastrous fuckups in 4… 3… 2…

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Some lady in a rescue boat “we prayed really hard, and someone came and rescued us.”
    Ummm…if prayer works, why didn’t you just pray for the rain to stop, or pray for a boat of your own?

    • Three Finger Salute

      Do a search for “Parable of the Drowning Man.”

    • Ricky Gay

      Heck, a yacht, a million bucks and a pound of gum!

    • Nockular cavity

      Way to minimize the guys out in the rain rescuing people.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Yeah, I’m pretty sure Jesus didn’t send them. I’m not religious, but if I was near Houston, and I had a boat, I know I’d be out there trying to help.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      She shoulda prayed for last week’s Mega Millions numbers. I say, people pray for the most trifling things if it works so damn well.

      • HooverVilles

        This would not have happened, in the first place, if someone in the bible belt did not pray to their vengeful dyslexic doG to smite their neighbor. Amirite?

        • little miss high and mighty

          now, God(s) shaming will not get us the house back at Midterms. We shame off potential converts. They have more significant fault than just their rel. convictions. Gad(s)shaming is counterproductive and unbecomming us lefters ,a toleranter, empath. party .
          Lotsa lefty (and far left) religious- don’t want to scare them off forever.And we ned om of the middles, too.also.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Seriously, she could have bought kayaks for everybody.

    • Paul

      Upthread somebody asked why they didn’t pray away the entire damn storm before it hit land?

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        That is puzzling.

        • Paul

          Hey, I forgot to ask. How was the eclipse? Was a good time had by all?

          That damn town parties at the drop of a hat.

          • HooverVilles
          • Paul

            Impressive. Y’all down in the Charleston area too? Love me some Folly Beach.

          • HooverVilles

            Western New York. Wow, it’s been decades since we have been near there. Would like to see Charleston and Savannah. Will have to add them to the bucket list.

          • Paul

            Are those shots from western New York? Hell, we would’ve driven over from western Mass. had we known.

          • HooverVilles

            Nope. WNY only had ~70% totality. I was in Western Kentucky at the Land Between The Lakes state park. Rolled the dice on the location to go to and got real lucky!

          • Paul

            Good for you

          • HooverVilles

            Although in 2024 there will be a total eclipse that does go over western N.Y. Over Buffalo and Rochester. Hope the weather is good then. It will also be over 4 minutes of totality. Yea!

          • Paul

            That one we can make.

          • HooverVilles

            If things work out we can have an eclipse party!

          • Paul

            Hell yeah. Invite Becca and Shy and our queen and the Wonkebago and turn it into a drinky thing.

    • NotDarkYet

      I’m always reminded of this ole turkey when I hear that shit:

      A massive flood hit a small town near the Mississippi River. One levy in the river had
      broke, causing the flooding to occur while another levy was predicted to break in the
      hour.

      A man who owned a house along the river stood on the roof of his house as water had
      engulfed the rest of it. Water levels were slowly rising. A rescue boat came to save the
      man from his house. The boat approached and the rescuers told the man another levy was about to break and the water would move over his house, sweeping him away to his drowning death. The man told the rescuers he did not need help because he believed in God and that God would save him. Twenty minutes later, the rescuers returned, trying to help the man escape. Once again, the man waved off the rescuers saying that God would save him. Ten minutes afterwards, the rescuers returned again, saying it would be the last time they could return because the levy was about to break. They asked him one last time to get on the rescue boat. He said once again that he believes in God and God would save him from the levy should it break. A few minutes after the rescuers left, the levy broke and the rushing waters engulfed the house, carrying away the man to his drowning death.

      When the man reached the Heavens, he stood at the gates to enter. He told the men at the gates that he wanted to see God. When he saw God, he asked, “What happened? I thought you were going to save me? Why didn’t you save me?” God replied, “I did try to save you. I sent the boat three times.”

  • Three Finger Salute

    As for our upstairs neighbo(u)r? Sooooo not tired of winning…

    Trump gets trolled by Canadian mayor after NAFTA swipe

    “The only thing that needs to be terminated is your presidency,” Hamilton Mayor Fred Eisenberger tweeted Sunday, in response to Trump’s own post. “Save yourself and your country. Resign and you will be popular everywhere.”

    STOP! HAMMER TIME!

    Because it’s 20… yeah, Trump is an asshole no matter what year it is.

    • Maree Martin

      Yeah that was pretty much mic drop.

    • HooverVilles

      Nice!

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg
    • Permit-holder Ron

      I’m looking at those slab sides and I’m trying to make a ‘Minecraftlayer’ joke but it’s just not coming together.

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        It’s a badass ship with badass crew. (one of my friends serves on it.)

        • The Wanderer

          And named for a certified badass (Raid on the Medway).

        • PDT

          fellow Dutchie Wonker?

          • Robbertjan Brandenburg

            Well me yes.

        • little miss high and mighty

          Dutch East India Company?

          • Robbertjan Brandenburg

            That ship has sailed. (pun intended)

      • HogeyeGrex

        Could be worse. Could be dazzle camo.

    • little miss high and mighty

      pitch,roll,yaw,heave,sway,surge.
      Which or how many of the 6° degrees of freedom is pictured?
      leave the answers face down un your desks on your way to the evac limos.

  • Poly_Ester

    Are there any Trump properties in Mexico? I don’t think so. Is this just “vengeance is mine” sayeth trumpkins?

  • Maree Martin

    I just heard the governor of Texas say that he had been in contact with the Mexican government and they had offered any help that might be needed, including boats, food, bottles of water etc. Lucky for all those Trump supporting Texans that big beautiful wall isn’t in place keeping all those “bad hombres” from bringing in aid to help them.

    • Rick Hill

      trump’s DHS will proly not let them in.

  • Relativicus

    I feel as if ICE may have a credibility problem at this stage, which could get people killed.

  • 3FingerPete

    I shouldn’t have to point this out but…where did Hurricane Harvey come from? The Gulf of MEXICO! We need to make the gulf American again! We can no longer tolerate a lawless state exporting violence to our shores.

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      #BuildtheGulfWall

      (kidding)

      • little miss high and mighty

        wonder how many new refugees swim on in through the cracks with Harvey.

    • therblig

      enact a huge tariff!!

  • Mavenmaven

    I’m having this nightmare of Mexico sending help as they did last time, and some Trumpi shoots and kills a few of them for being Mexican.

    • HooverVilles

      Nah, the cognitive ability of the trumpers is too good for that to happen. /s
      OK, OK, I’ll see myself out.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      My nightmare is that when the Mexican military sends all the help they can, Trump orders the trucks, field kitchens, medical facilities, and the personnel held as ransom until Mexico agrees to pay for the fucking wall.

      I’m sure Trump wouldn’t do anything like that. But I’ve said that before and been wrong every time.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    “anyone whose papers aren’t in order”…That’s funny, that really is, I’m falling over laughing here. This is a picture of my office after Katrina flood waters receded. Somewhere in there is a file cabinet full of important papers, including my birth certificate.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c73082284887a88c9fff6fe5204d94ba212862367514ff1900b599cbf4286f28.jpg

    • Jamoche

      I have a plastic laminated card in addition to the paper one but I don’t know how much the Trumpites would respect it – it’s Hawaiian.

      • Canned Covfefe

        You’re screwed.

      • The Librarian

        Long form or gtfo?

        • Jamoche

          Long form exists somewhere, but it’s got the same problem as the other: obviously typed on the same kind of ’60s-era typewriter that Donnie considers fake.

          • The Librarian

            Yep, same here, but mine is from the 50’s. I guess none of us are “real”.

            If I were to get fresh copies, they wouldn’t look any better.

          • Zyxomma

            I’m a US citizen by birth, from the borough of Kings in NYC, NY. My official birth certificate was all wrong — my first name was spelled with 3 Es instead of 2 Es and an I, and they left my middle name out completely. I had to change my name legally to get them to correct my birth certificate, so I did it.

          • The Librarian

            That must have a royal pain.

    • clairence

      no more voting for you, sez the patriot party

  • JMP

    Do you know why Mexico is such a high crime country? Because, in the mid 2000s, the GOP decided it was a great idea to make it legal for any idiot to buy military assault weapons, thereby enabling Mexico’s criminals to just hop over the border and legally purchase them, while millions of Americans love to indulge in various drugs that are grown in or come through Mexico, empowering their cartels. Mexico’s crime situation is the fault of their bad neighbors to the North, yet of course Donald just keeps blaming them.

    • richardgrabman

      Really. I’ve said it before, but the US needs a 12-step program, the first step being you need to admit YOU have a problem and stop blaming others.

    • WeaselPoo

      I’m guessing some other factors too, like general economic difficulties and maybe some shitty national policies (like we have here) but yeah, what you said.

    • jesterpunk

      Isnt that what the one Marine the right criticized Obama about was arrested for?Taking a shit ton of guns into Mexico?

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      well, also, the absolutely hideous poverty makes cops EASY to bribe…

      • Clark_Nova

        Here or there?

    • Cat Cafe for the Indictment

      Tell ya something else. Guess which country actually DOES have the highest crime rate in the world? Go on, take a guess. Why, it’s the United States! WE have by FAR the highest crime rate in the world. Mexico isn’t even in the top ten. Once again, the Grotesque Liar in Chief is spewing more liearrhea.

      • HooverVilles

        Grifters gotta grift,
        Liars gotta lie.

      • Erala Contratista

        Liearrhea!

    • Ms.Moon

      Drugs coming to the United States causes crime throughout Central America and the West Indies as well.

    • Clark_Nova

      You can’t buy military assault rifles in the US without a very expensive transfer license and a very thorough background check. You’ll be out at least $5000 when it’s all over and it will take about a year.

      • JMP

        Bullshit. There’s pretty much no restrictions at the federal level on assault rifles like the ever-popular AR-15, anyone can buy them, and quickly. Is this one of those things where the ammosexuals have their own special definition of “assault rifle” that differs from that of everyone else, and dismiss the opinions of the vast majority of us who have never owned a gun ?

        • doktorzoom

          Yes, fully automatic vs semi-automatic. If you mix up the lingo, they’ll scream at you that you’re not allowed to have opinions about guns, since you clearly know nothing.

          Oddly, that “need to know details” thing does not apply to the current POTUS.

  • Aileen

    I would praise Mexico for rising above Trump’s level of pettiness, bigotry and cruelty, but really, it isn’t that much of an achievement. The average stray cat is kinder and more thoughtful than our Cheeto-in-Chief.

    • Parakeetist

      Meow.

    • HooverVilles

      Ceiling Cat purrrrs!

  • CeeQ

    If Immigration thinks ANYONE will have their papers after such a catastrophic flood – they’re out of their minds.

    Also: WTF is it with the “aliens” thing? I’ve lived here for 14 years legally as a permanent resident & I pay my fucking taxes – and I’m STILL referred to as a “resident alien.”

    Tell THAT to the local breakfast place we go to almost every week for pancakes. I am certainly not alien to them! Geez.

    • The Librarian

      Get rid of the antennae?

      • CeeQ

        Damn it how did you know??!!

        • The Librarian

          Iz SMRT!!!!!

        • Dudleydidwrong

          Maybe its that theremin instrument music that’s always playing when you’re eating those pancakes.

          • CeeQ

            Hahahaha

            Ok FINE. I gotta turn that shit down.

    • h4rr4r

      My mother has been here 30 years and is still an alien, has a card and everything. By the way if you have a green card with no expiration date DO NOT renew it. Your card does not expire, and the new one will.

      Obviously I am not your lawyer, a lawyer or an owner of a bar. So this advice is clearly something you should talk to a professional about. The kind that charges by the hour.

      • CeeQ

        Thank you!

        Mine does have an expiration date so I had to renew last year. They still had my name wrong as my maiden name – when I renewed under my married name. Pain in the neck.

        • Persistent Tennessee Rain

          Pfft. I was born here, but I’m not qualified to vote in the next election because the dmv screwed up my middle name and so my license doesn’t match my voter registration.

  • richardgrabman

    Disaster relief is one of the missions of the Mexican military (unlike, say… gunning down alleged drug dealers for the benefit of the USA … something even many of our generals oppose) and something they’re very good at. Just give the word, and they’ll be there in a few hours.

  • HooverVilles

    Neither St. Raygun nor Dubya would pass muster in today’s GOTP. For realz!

    • C4TWOMAN

      IKR? What strange parallel Universe we’re trapped in….

      • HooverVilles

        Worst Twilight Zone episode ever!

      • HooverVilles

        A funny thing happened when I read this, particularly the end. For some strange reason I could hear Stephan Colbert reading one of Trumps tweets and saying dot dot dot – dot.
        Weird.
        Have a good night.

  • The Wanderer

    I still get visits from the Onion Ninjas when I recall seeing Mexican Marines on our soil, helping the people on the Gulf Coast, while the GWB Administration floundered.

    • little miss high and mighty

      maybe come some Messican to evaxcuate W and the new doggie and his pretty pictures?

  • Jamoche

    “We got beds, we got space – come on over!”
    https://consumerist.com/2017/08/28/owner-of-houston-furniture-stores-turns-them-into-shelters-for-residents-stranded-by-hurricane/
    Owner Of Houston Furniture Stores Turns Them Into Shelters For Residents Stranded By Hurricane

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      That gives me hope.

      • Zyxomma

        Me too.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      He’s no Joel Osteen, that’s for sure.

  • BJW

    Doc, re: first meme: I have a son who drags me through anime series. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/6e69d4e48d2591d2d76d0fb2cb99fbbf429b967ccd4d377a364ca1bfabd3c445.jpg

    • The Librarian

      Lol, me too!

      • BJW

        Plus anytime I can use my Captain America theme with delicious Chris Evans, is a good thing. ;)

        • The Librarian

          Yes, yes it is.

          • BJW

            I’m old enough to be his mom and I do NOT CARE.

          • The Librarian

            Lol, a cougar in training?

          • BJW

            I’m happily married. But I can dream, hmm?

          • The Librarian

            Always…… :D

  • clairence

    I swear, every time I see that tweet it cracks me up: “reimbursement/other” It’s like option D) on a multiple choice test: none of the above.

  • Stulexington

    Gee, ya think a time when people have lost everything might be a bad time to expect people to have their papers handy?

  • I settled on donating to two organizations- the San Antonio Food Bank and the Austin-based Central Texas Food Bank. A lot of evacuees are being taken to those cities, and local charities don’t have high-salaried execs.

    I hate Cruz and Cornyn for even making me think ‘fuck those people’ for a brief moment. If I’m to be a better person than those goober GOPers, I have to be a better person than them.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      We are better than those heartless fuckwits.

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      I volunteer at our local food bank. Those people are hard core about getting food to people in need. They aren’t in the habit of just looking like they are doing charitable work. They are in the trenches, doing what they can to make a difference. Good on you!

    • BrianW

      I’m in a Houston suburb with good drainage, so we are more or less dry (no water inside the house). Please accept this Thank You from people in Houston who aren’t able to communicate right now.

      • I can’t let shitbag senators cloud my humanity. Now, how do we convince Texans to vote these assholes out?

        • BrianW

          I don’t know. I’m in my ’50s, so am old enough to remember when TX was reliably Democratic. In fact, where local politics were concerned, if you won the Democratic primary you had basically won the election.

    • Me not sure

      That’s how they always get us.

  • And how many real citizens aren’t going to have their papers with them after evacuating?

    • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

      AOT,K
      “Let the children and pets drown! I have to get my passport!”

      • Stulexington

        Women and children first, but only if their papers are in order!

    • little miss high and mighty

      Did ‘W’ has to evacuate, too?

  • Nephilim

    Instead of accepting help from a neighbor, Trump calls them a criminal nation. He has abdicated the de facto title of Leader of the free world.

    • Regret

      That titles grates like hell to the rest of the world.
      You are not our leader and you never were, get over yourselves.
      Pompous Americans with their inflated sense of importance go rescue people instead of acting like anybody outside your borders thinks well of you.
      You know what could help with your current hurricane problems? If your military was inside your borders to help you instead of inside our borders to fuck with us.

      • Bobathonic

        Like we’d trust them in here!

    • little miss high and mighty

      Why didn’t the Enquirerer quote that? Hmmm.

  • Persistent Tennessee Rain

    They bring their rapists, their humanity, their decency, their kindness.

    • Me not sure

      …and taco tricks where needed.

      • Bobathonic

        I want to see *that* truck!

        • little miss high and mighty

          taco tricks is funner

          • Bobathonic

            Yeah, I want to see the taco trick truck.

          • little miss high and mighty

            Aye!
            On thos rellenos- fried,not baked
            Use real mantecca- lots of crispy frying..
            Note mercies to survivors of Harvey.

      • little miss high and mighty

        And Relando Villazòn! and Soppapias
        ( The combined Indio, Mestizos,Coyotes, Spanish and all the Vatos e Chicas) are a treasured part of the American soul. We should be better toward them. They’re helping us now, again.

    • phoenix00

      Don’t forget the tequila.

  • Riley Whodat Venable

    The Mexican Consul was on the radio today here in Houston saying he had been approved by his government to offer any aid requested. Mexico knows Hurricanes, and has been helped numerous times by the US.

  • mfp, all 6s&7s&9s

    build the boat! build the boat! build the…ohwait…uhhhh….nevermind

  • WhoCheckedRussia’sVoterID

    trump is a fucking stupid racist traitor who fails to realize that continental economic success will only help the US. This is about money you fucking stupid cunt. More money, more success, bigger economy, more people buying refrigerators.

    I know I know…you’re a dumb fucking cunt and don’t understand. I guess I should feel sorry for you.

    With respect to the rules…I hope one day you aren’t looking where you are going and stub your toe real bad…

    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      on a buzzsaw of votes?

  • Clark_Nova

    They tried to turn back the Mexican rescue convoy at the border but they just rolled on through. They got food and water to NOLA days before the US Army or FEMA, both with their thumbs stuck up their butts waiting for orders,

  • Bitter Scribe

    “Mexico will pay for it through reimbursement/other”? WTF is that even supposed to mean?

    • Bobathonic

      “Don’t think about it”

    • phoenix00

      “You give accountant receipt, and she gives you money!”

      What else did you think it was supposed to mean???!!

  • Molon Labe

    Your digital artist apparently thinks Mexico is a Germanic country…..

    • doktorzoom

      Or when he thinks of walls, thinks of Attack On Titan.

      “It’s a big lady, take a shot of Jager”

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Wyz2fjRmdY

      • Molon Labe

        ok

      • little miss high and mighty

        pvt.vonnegut libelz

  • motmelere

    Shit. I have to point out the irony of big bad Federal government deciding if you are even a person! Holy fuck, Hannistas, do you even have an ethos?

  • little miss high and mighty

    sumbuddy google earthed our neghborhood up there, looks like.

  • Oblios_Cap

    If Mexico really wanted to help, they’d send a fleet of taco trucks.

    I find it hard to believe they’re one of the “Highest crime nations in the world”. I thought we were the champs, given our prison populations.

  • Teto85

    President Pendejo strikes again.

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