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Guy needs a monocle and a Persian cat
Guy needs a monocle and a Persian cat

Now that he’s got a presidential pardon to brag about, former Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio is giving some thought to what’s next in his life of petty revenge, self-aggrandizement, and feeding at the public trough. Hey, how about another run for office, and not just for Sheriff, but for something really big, like the U.S. Senate? After all, it’s not like accepting a pardon is an admission of guilt just because the courts have treated pardons that way for over a century. It actually means an exoneration, because it just does! Heck, maybe once he’s Senator Arpaio he can do something about eliminating the useless judiciary that kept getting in the way of his War on Mexicans.

Arpaio’s just kicking around some options right now, since Donald Trump has conclusively proven Arpaio broke no laws by pardoning him for breaking the law:

“I could run for mayor, I could run for legislator, I could run for Senate,” Arpaio said Monday. One particular race, however, is likely to gain significant attention: the GOP primary next year facing [Jeff] Flake, R-Ariz., a forceful Trump critic.

“I’m sure getting a lot of people around the state asking me” to challenge Flake, said Arpaio, who served 24 years as sheriff before losing reelection in 2016. “All I’m saying is the door is open and we’ll see what happens. I’ve got support. I know what support I have.”

Given rightwingers’ recent embrace of Trump and other weirdos like Judge Roy Moore, who’s leading Alabama’s run-off for the Republican primary, Arpaio may actually have a chance. After all, he’s just about the only potential candidate who could possibly be loonier than Kelli Ward.

But isn’t 85 a bit late in life to start seeking his first office beyond being sheriff of a rightwing county? You just shut your mouth, you… you… AGE DISCRIMINATOR!!!!

“Why do you say ‘wow’?” he admonished, adding: “They just say Sheriff Joe Arpaio comma 85 years old. Why do they always say that?”

Arpaio said he believes “there is discrimination against senior citizens, big time” and that “I’m proud to be my age. I work 14 hours a day. If anyone thinks my age is going to hold me back, I’ve got news for them.”

“The bottom line is there’s no way I’m going to go fishing. I have no hobbies,” he said, declining to say how likely he is to seek office.

Or maybe he’ll check with his agent and see what kind of money he can make on the rightwing lecture and ghostwritten book circuit. Man has a lot of balls, and some of them are still in the air. Plus, he still needs to find out where Barack Obama was born, get him retroactively removed from the presidency, and send him to jail. Or maybe he’ll settle some scores, since abusing his power for the sake of revenge was as big a part of his career as sheriff as going after Messicans:

The ex-sheriff said he may sue journalists who have called him racist or misreported details of the case against him. He says his attorney is reviewing the possibility and that he was “surprised” by negative reaction to the pardon by Flake and Arizona Sen. John McCain.

Or maybe he’ll take over the New Cruelty at ICE, finding new and creative ways to strand women and children in abandoned bus depots, during hurricanes. If anyone could top that, it’s America’s Tuffest Sheriff, Ol’ Sheriff Joe.

[WashEx]

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  • House0fTheBlueLights

    I thought his hobby was abusing brown people?

    • If you’re good at something, never do it for free…

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Yeah, like anybody’s gonna pay me to fap.

        • Permit-holder Ron

          Depends. What else is on your CV?

  • Crystalclear12

    He longest lasting achievement?
    Proving only the good die young.

  • MynameisBlarney

    No sense of shame at all with these goddamned nazi bastards.

    • Permit-holder Ron

      Cowardice, yes. Shame, no.

  • Beanz&Berryz

    Phoenix is also too not where I’d head for some fishing…

  • schmannity

    Discrimination hurts when it’s about age. National origin? Not so much.

  • Crystalclear12

    That one trick whore needs to learn his place.

    • MynameisBlarney

      That is an insult to one trick whores!

      • Crystalclear12

        Mea culpa

  • Wild Cat

    What creature murders his mother in the morning, murders his oath of office in the afternoon, and murders his prune juice at night?

    • schmannity

      Hitler?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Plato?

    • redarmyzombie

      Nero?

    • MynameisBlarney

      Elvis?
      No, wait…

      Elvis?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Duras?

    • Ghandi?

    • weejee

      Strom Thurmond?

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Jesus? (Book of Barnaby, 4:7)

    • Msgr_MΩment

      The Sphinx?

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      Andrew Jackson?

    • armed_bears

      One of the Lannisters?

  • Carpe Vagenda

    I’m not crying. You’re crying.

    Come for Robert E Lee’s great-grandson the preacher. Stay for Heather Heyer’s mom.

    https://twitter.com/kylegriffin1/status/902005659889172480

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Good for him although I expect we will hear this PDQ:

      “He’s betrayin’ his hurritage in 3, 2, 1….”

  • Villago Delenda Est

    The man is 85 years old. I guess all that hate keeps him going.

  • mardam422

    Wonder if the Flake campaign has already started making ads against Sheriff Joe that begin “o. Pardon me. I’m Sheriff Joe Arpaio!”

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Villago Delenda Est

      This is one of the many reasons for my nym.

  • goonemeritus

    Sure why not, we had a pretty good run as a country. No sense dragging our death throws out for years.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    Sure, he could run for Senator. David Duke ran for Senator a couple times in Louisiana. Never got close to winning, but enough to keep the coffers full of greenbacks.

  • weejee

    Send Joe, and Hannity, and Alex Jones, and Limpblow, and… to Mars.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a58732d954d002d306731b2b925eacb038892b4ab36f10b20230e8001476f734.jpg

  • Ricky Gay

    85?! Why in his days they profiled Hispanics 5 miles a day, uphill, both ways!!!!

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    With Trump’s support, how could Joe Arpaio possibly lose?

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Who wouldn’t want to elect their angry grandpa to federal office?

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Yaknow, I remember how excited I was about Trump entering the Presinential race and FUBARing the GOP into oblivion.

    I think I’ll pass on this one.

    • exinkwretch

      When Alabammy elects Ray Moore, Sheriff Joe will look like a moderate.

      • Oblios_Cap

        That other wheel will go into the ditch…

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    85 years old, and still going strong. Guys like that run on pure cussedness. The end for them is analogous to hitting a brick wall.

    • weejee

      One can only hope.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      Robert Mugabe comes to mind

    • Three Finger Salute

      JFK: 46
      RFK: 42
      Princess Diana: 36
      Kurt Cobain (and other musicians): 27
      Michel Trudeau: 23
      Martin Richard, Boston Marathon bombing victim: 6
      Aylan Kurdi, drowned Syrian migrant: 3

      I guess Billy Joel was right. Only the good die young.

  • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

    “The bottom line is there’s no way I’m going to go fishing. I have no hobbies,”

    I feel like “Video Games and Porn: Ways to Use Your Time And Energy Without Being A Toxic Clump of Smegma” should be a mandatory class in High School.

    • Vincent Ricola

      My son had to learn these lessons the old-fashioned way – alone in the house while everyone else was off grocery shopping.

      • Permit-holder Ron

        Your son stayed home? I was always dragooned into helping with the shopping, probably because I was strong as hell, plus I could pack a station wagon better than anyone else in the family.

        • goonemeritus

          Serves you right for having useful skills.

          • Permit-holder Ron

            <hangs his head in shame>

    • Canis Greyhame

      Depends on which gaming community we’re talking about.

  • Daniel

    “I have no hobbies. I torture the powerless for the rush, I crave the applause of a sea of strangers for taking out their worst inclinations on people I consider sub-human. There’s a yawning chasm in me macramé can’t fill. There’s a void where my humanity should be, and no amount of pyrography and key chains can make up for that. Look at my eyes. They burn with the cold fire of dying suns. Some nights I worry. I worry I’m alone. I worry it’s only one more dead Latino before all of me is gone. Before I become…Ted Cruz.”

    Paid for by Arpaio for Senate 2018 Committee.

  • Vincent Ricola

    This is the world now. :(

  • laughingnome

    WWHP. Who Would Hitler Pardon?

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      Roger Stone?

    • Eileen Besse

      AOT,K….

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Adolph Eichmann?

    • SpideySenser

      Rudolph Hess?

      • Permit-holder Ron

        Not until he returns that Bf 110!
        – Adolf

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Trump?

      That’s the new Godwin’s law, right?

    • Cat Cafe for the Resignation

      Trump will soon be pardoning Hitler

  • Three Finger Salute

    “Probably wants Grey Poupon too”

    Nah, he wants outreach to Hispanic voters.

    …that he can POOP ON!

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Arpaio is a Grey Poop On.

  • John Iwaniszek

    He’ll die soon. Maybe painfully, maybe with a diaper full of shit. However he goes, it will leave his shriveled corpse for us all to remember him by. Oh. And all the evil.

  • laughingnome

    Sun City gets the tingles over this.

  • laughingnome

    Arpaio/Dementia 2020

    • jodyleek

      Arpaio/His Nurse 2020

  • Proud Liberal

    He’d get his ass handed to him on a shit platter. Arizona hates this man.

    • laughingnome

      I guess the best scenario would be him beating Flake in the primary and then losing to a moderately good Dem candidate in the general. Can it happen? I don’t know AZ politics.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        It can happen. It would be epic!

      • Proud Liberal

        I don’t either but that would be nice if he would win the primary.

        • Augustus

          that’s what we said about Trump

          “ha, ha, ha, that would be great, Hillary’ll crush him!”

          • Mark Lungo

            And Reagan before that.

      • jesterpunk

        Arizona was barely red the last presidential election so it may be possible.

    • Oblios_Cap

      He should run for mayor of The Villages here in FL. They’d love him.

      • Eileen Besse

        OMG. In a landslide! I live right over the county line (in Lake, no great prize itself but at least getting slightly purpler), and I cannot even STAND what I hear from their mouthpieces.

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        I was on a cruise once and the comic asked a woman in the audience where she was from. She didn’t answer at first, so the comic heckled her didn’t she know where she lived? She finally mumbled the Villages, and the audience booed. the comic said that was the first time anyone ever booed a location.

  • MynameisBlarney

    A convicted felon, pardoned by a criminal and a traitor, running for Senate.

    http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/852/947/dea.gif

    • Sophia

      Must be Republicans

    • Canis Greyhame

      Hooray, America is so Great™ right now …

  • Persistent Demme

    Don’t make me donate to Flake, now!
    Don’t make me!

    • OrG

      Don’t do it!

    • Let them eat each other alive, then give to the Democrat running against whoever survives.

  • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

    Sounds good to me. Arpiao can “primary” that asshole Flake and then lose to a Democrat.

    • TJ Barke

      Don’t jynx it.

  • armed_bears

    Angry, white and contemptuous is no way to go thru…. Oh, screw it. Never mind.

  • Canis Greyhame

    I’d say a top post in ICE or CBP is likely. Since the very fine folks working in immigration enforcement these days all seem so eager to act as Trump’s own, personal secret police, it just makes sense to put a man in charge who’s already built a concentration camp in the desert.

    • Jay Hansen

      He IS an ICEhole.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Worst-case scenario: DHS

      which leaves Oops at Energy and a bona fide Nazi in charge of rooting out “terrorists.”

  • Jenny

    He has no hobbies now that he can’t harass the Mexicans with overreaching power! I mean, you try and harass em at the Luby’s and they ask you to leave! Can you believe it? Can’t even get them to wear pink. It just isn’t the same!

    • Three Finger Salute

      Sheesh, I have no life, no money, and rarely even leave the house, but even I have hobbies. This guy is a fucking waste of air.

    • Cat Cafe for the Resignation

      And where is he expected to find women in labor that he can shackle and deny medical care to!

      • marxalot

        You just try that in one of those liberal snowflakey “ermegency” rooms! The looks you get!

    • Canis Greyhame

      His old hobby was cooking! (… inmates … to death.)

  • Oblios_Cap

    That’s a lot of evil crammed into 85 years of living. He must have made a deal with El Diablo.

    • Permit-holder Ron

      Other way around, actually. I mean, I’m evil by definition, and yet Sheriff Joe was giving ME pointers!
      – Satan

  • Pilotshark

    so he is going to knock off Kelly Ward? is not she running for Flakes job?
    or she still waiting for Mccain to go?
    should be fun to watch.

  • exinkwretch

    Be nice for the wingnuts and crackers to have Strom Thurmond 2.0 back in the Senate! Start working on your drooling now, Joe!

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    “Do it! Do it! Do it!”

    Kyrsten Sinema

  • Mr. Blobfish

    He ain’t exactly Jack Lelanne.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Googling ‘Sheriff Joe in tights’.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        NO!

        • Three Finger Salute

          Needs moar of Shanz’ spray-bottle “no” meme.

          • kareemachan

            [gag]

  • Anna Rompage

    “The bottom line is there’s no way I’m going to go fishing. I have no hobbies,”

    I see it one of two ways’

    One is that his hobby is harassing and discriminating against people of color,

    or the other, because he doesn’t have any hobbies, or happiness for that matter, he has to take out his own personal misery on people of color… ]

    In any event, this man has brought enough actual misery to enough people throughout this country and should just GO THE FUCK AWAY for all of eternity…

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      I’m sure he does have “hobbies”. They’re just the kind that usually are found out by cadaver dogs.

      • SomeBigRedDog

        I tried out to be a cadaver dog but I couldn’t stop rolling around in the rotten stuff I found. Apparently that’s frowned upon. :(

        • kbbaldwin2

          Bad dog!

    • Oblios_Cap

      I thought torturing puppies was his hobby.

    • marxalot

      His hobby is degrading and torturing human beings, he knows no joy which is not the fruit of another’s usffering, and he is powered entirely by spite.
      Someone find the old Gypsy lady and tell her that he hasn’t learned his lesson yet, please end the curse before he can hurt anyone else.

      • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

        Enough about Trump. What about Arpaio?

      • Mark Lungo

        “Gypsy” is a word the Romani people don’t like. Other than that, total win.

        • marxalot

          To my knowledge, the Romani people don’t actively curse anyone either, so now I really wonder what that mobile assortment of shawls and cackling was up to :)
          (but yes good point)

    • Cat Cafe for the Resignation

      His hobbies are sadism and brutish cruelty to other human beings. His aspiration is to be a concentration camp commandant. So it’s hard for him. The poor guy. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/bf4c19a0d44bf3d70078591629f0ab532e28f38fe6e3a2a94bdf85ec54c2622c.jpg

      • Msgr_MΩment

        So, Director of FEMA?

  • Oblios_Cap

    O/T: Did everybody enjoy Play Music on the Porch day on Saturday? I did my part.

    http://www.playmusicontheporchday.com/

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Well as long as he shows remorse.

  • goonemeritus

    Sheriff Joe, Americas toughest UTI infection, we just can’t shake him.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      I got it from my toilet seat.
      I got it from my toilet seat.
      It jumped right up,
      And grabbed my meat.
      I got it from my toilet seat.
      Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhh.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Joe Arpiao is a UTI infection and stage 4 anal tumor rolled into one slimy smegma-filled sausage.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Technical question: what exactly did Muthafucka McMuthafuckaface get pardoned for? Aside from breaking any state laws, did 45 leave any loopholes that allow for MF McMF to get frogmarched again?

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Contempt. Court said cut the shit, he didn’t.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        So that seems to put gubmint prosecutors in the catbird seat as far as deposing him (sans 5th Amendment) and then lowering the 16 ton weight of votes?

  • TJ Barke

    Wanna hear a racist joke? Joe Arpaio.

    • Serai 1

      Not much of a joke. He’s pretty fucking good at being a racist.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      It’s funny because it’s true!

  • gallbladder

    Look up the definition of “angry paranoid old white conservative guy” in the dictionary and you’ll see a picture of that face right next to it.

    • Rick Hill

      I just can’t shake the image I have of him as being the redneck country sheriff in Fabulous Furry Freak Bros come to life. If I’m misremembering it then there should definitely be a cartoon character based on him

      • georgiaburning

        Jackie Gleason did a pretty good job, but Maricopa County voters didn’t realize that it was a joke.

        • kareemachan

          I *really* have a low opinion of Maricopa County residents.

          Sorry, but true. Last count: $114 million in lawsuits/court costs/payouts. Good job, joey!

          • Mark Lungo

            To be fair, they did finally vote him out.

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        Well, you may have something there.

  • Rick Hill

    “The ex-sheriff said he may sue journalists who have called him racist or misreported details of the case against him.”

    Yeah, he totally doesn’t get that he was found guilty and the pardon cements that. Someone else mentioned it opens him up to civil suits regarding his actions, as well.

    • OutOfOrbit

      CIVIL SUITS?! by Dog bring’em on non-stop until that POS is Brad!

    • kareemachan

      Good. Bring it on, joey!

  • mrFawkes

    A headline from the not so distant future…

    Batshit Bullying Birther Buddy Buffoons Both Behind Bars. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/437a166a102199e711bf4bc610c6044270a432f072db7c4b4ae03157088a9e73.jpg

    • Three Finger Salute

      To B or not to B, that is the headline.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    I imagine Joe can’t eat at a restaurant anywhere in Maracopa county.

    • Serai 1

      He couldn’t have lasted that long if there weren’t at least a handful that would welcome him with a handshake and a free burger, believe me.

  • proudgrampa

    This is why we can’t have nice things.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Guy needs a monocle and a Persian cat

    Nice Ernst Blofeld reference!

    • Mark Lungo

      Blofeld is smarter and classier than a thug like Arpaio could ever hope to be.

  • Major_Major_Major

    My prediction of Sheriff Joe’s Senate bid in an endless loop:
    http://togapartypodcast.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/FlamingBagOfPooPrank.gif

    • Serai 1

      I wouldn’t hold my breath if I were you.

  • Daredevil
    • Three Finger Salute

      She’s pretty cool. She shut down Fucker, Karma Bro and now Joe Piehole.

  • Mavenmaven

    Maybe Trump will give him Ben Carson’s job at Housing.

  • jesuswasablack

    “I have no hobbies”

    May be he should consider taking up Russian roulette, I’ve a five shot .38 he could borrow. One in Five I mean really those are pretty good odds!

    http://blog.cheaperthandirt.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/TaurusRevolver_1_TaurusIntl.jpg

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Eh, I think you may be right up against the rules line with this one pally.

      • OutOfOrbit

        nonsense

      • P’jama Pahnts

        Nah. Hobbies are just healthy and fun!

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      Hmmmm…since you are only advising him to take up a hobby…

      https://youtu.be/ta_myupIJm0

    • natoslug

      It’s more exciting if you only take one round out.

    • Serai 1

      I predict this won’t stay up very long.

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      Ah, the old Taurus 85. I have one as well, and I’m here in Arizona, so I could actually drop it off next weekend when I head down to an exhibition at the Musical Instruments Museum.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Oblios_Cap

      And Kanye West is a gay fish.

      • MynameisBlarney

        But he HATES fish dicks.

      • SDGeoff3

        I’ve always thought so.

        • Oblios_Cap

          He likes fish sticks.

          • SDGeoff3

            I do too.

    • Permit-holder Ron

      I didn’t get it either.
      Send get-well cards to my new home at the Southwestern Ontario Home for the Temporarily Cray-cray.

    • Crystalclear12

      Bad jokes have consequences, man!
      Snark responsibly!

    • SomeBigRedDog

      I feel this way about you all from time to time.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Same here.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    If any wonkaderos are law-talking-guys know …

    Can people harmed by Arpaio use the pardon as evidence of Arpaio’s wrongdoing? I’m kinda hoping he and the county get sued for a trillion dollars. And Trump is helping them.

    • kareemachan

      I am NOT a law-talker, but I think he’s safe hiding behind the fact that the county is liable, not him personally. I could be wrong. I HOPE I am wrong.

    • Weißwurst Supreme

      A previous criminal conviction, which is sort of maybe what the imputation of guilt that comes from accepting a pardon is or at least would be treated as, is admissible in civil court but is not itself conclusive evidence that the allegations made civilly are true and the presumption created by that previous verdict can be rebutted.

      So… it might help. A little. But you have to prove specific conduct in your case anyway, not a general pattern of dickholery.

  • susan_g

    Cheeto should bring Joe with him tomorrow when he visits Texas. They can hire some brown people to sit behind them and hold Messicans for Trump cards. Sounds crazy I know but…

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Please don’t go giving them scumbags ideas.

    • SDGeoff3

      They’d never make it out alive.

    • SweetDeeKat

      We may be waterlogged here, but we can still thrust our middle fingers skywards.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Maybe Arpaio can go help Ben Carson help all the flood victims:
    “There is no question that the Department of Housing and Urban Development will be expected to be heavily involved in the lengthy reconstruction effort. Alec MacGillis last week published an expose of how howlingly bad HUD has become under the leadership of Dr. Ben Carson. Deep in that story we find that the HUD official in charge of the Houston area is one Beth Van Duyne, the mayor of Irving, whose main political activity heretofore had been her active fight against the phantom menace of Sharia law in the United States, and for her clumsy intervention in the famous “clock boy” faux-trage. From the WaPo:

    It began with a February Facebook post by Mayor Beth Van Duyne responding to stories about a Muslim mediation panel comprised of arbitrators settling civil disputes using Sharia law in non-binding decisions, with reports that the panel was located in an Irving mosque. Van Duyne began referring to the tribunal as a “court” and warned that foreign law can’t be applied when it “violates public policy, statutory, or federal laws.” “Sharia Law Court was NOT approved or enacted by the City of Irving,” she wrote, adding: “Our nation cannot be so overly sensitive in defending other cultures that we stop protecting our own. The American Constitution and our guaranteed rights reigns supreme in our nation and may that ever be the case.”
    I’m sure she’s right on top of the housing calamity that’s befallen Houston. This should work out splendidly.

    This is a result of neglect, not on the part of this administration, for which neglect is a business plan, but on the part of all of us. We allowed citizenship to decay to the point that we now do not recognize the most fundamental truth of the American experiment: that The Government is Us. It is not Them. The creation of a political commonwealth is ongoing and it starts anew, over and over again, whether we participate in it or not, because somebody always will. Pericles warned us eons ago, when he warned citizens that we may have no interest in politics, but that politics always will have an interest in us. Our ignorance of this fundamental fact is the reason we now find ourselves in a situation in which a political calamity has to address a meteorological catastrophe. Harvey’s giving the Houston the high water, but we’ve all in our own way given it the hell.”

    http://www.esquire.com/news-politics/politics/news/a57229/harvey-houston-trump/

    • jesterpunk

      About the “sharia” courts, correct me if I am wrong but don’t most religious groups have a non binding arbitration group to settle disputes among members?

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        We don’t need your logic in Texas, son.

  • dslindc

    “The bottom line is there’s no way I’m going to go fishing. I have no hobbies,” he said, declining to say how likely he is to seek office.

    Seems to me that noted guilty felon, Joe Arpaio, has hobbies. They include racism and violating the Constitution.

    • gallbladder

      Well that and torturing/killing prisoners.

      • Permit-holder Ron

        You don’t want to get stuck doing just the one thing all your life.

    • efoveks

      No wonder his work day is 14 hours.

      • Covfefe

        Careful. There are peeps who spend 14 hours a day non-commenting on Wonkette.

  • Joe Beese

    The life expectancy of an American man born in 1932 was 61 years.

    He’s had almost a quarter century of extended play. And what fine use he made of it.

  • therblig

    old fuckwad is just rubbing it in liberals’ faces. he has no intention of running for office and no chance at being elected. just let him enjoy himself until the civil suits start getting filed. he’ll be spending the rest of his life in courtrooms and law offices and not enjoying it. with any luck, he’ll have just enough money left over for a bag of lightly salted rat dicks.

    • Marla

      Oh, the civil suits coming his way will more than bankrupt him.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Walking, talking avatar of Cleek’s Law.

  • Daredevil
  • Marla

    “I could run for mayor, I could run for legislator, I could run for Senate,”

    You could. But little in the way of your fucked up GOP party is going to support you, the pressure from attack ads and opposition will destroy you and seeing what America knows about you being the racist, scum pile of human shit that you truly are, no one is going to vote for you.

    I’m all for you running. Just to enjoy your humiliating defeat. In the meantime, go fuck yourself on some rusty barbwire.

    • OutOfOrbit

      i would not bet against that fucker

      • Covfefe

        Motivated voters win primaries. That’s what Goppers in Congress are worried about. Nothing motivates the Joe/Donald base more than histrionic racism.

    • Hemp Dogbane

      Being a losing, but party endorsed, Senate candidate should $10-20K to his speaking fee.

  • MasRioBravoHombre

    Arpaio is responsible for multiple uninvestigated cases of child rape. No wonder he’s Drumpf’s hero.

    • Parakeetist

      I heard about that today on the way home from work. I had a fit of rage.

  • diogenez

    Senator? Why doesn’t someone just embalm him?

    • therblig

      and contaminate good buzzard/maggot chow? just toss his carcass by the roadside and get something good out of it.

      • diogenez

        Even in Arizona, there are laws against littering.

    • Permit-holder Ron

      You hold him down, I’ll get the formaldehyde. In its container of votes.

    • Parakeetist

      It’s about time.

  • georgiaburning

    He’s just trying to stroke some money out of the conservatives, he needs to get lawyered up to face the suits coming his way.

    • MasRioBravoHombre

      70-90% of anything that comes out of a con’s mouth is a grift to part the rubes from their cash.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Oh rot in hell, you human colostomy bag.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    ♬ Pardon me boy, is that the Maracopa doo doo? ♬

  • MasRioBravoHombre

    The pardon is just another attempt by Drumpf and his white supremacist advisers to normalize xenophobia, ethnocentrism and racism.

    • Serai 1

      More likely it was just to make his enemies mad. That’s his level of political functioning – just piss off everyone he doesn’t like. What more is there?

      • ahughes798

        Trump’s advisers are more involved and invested in normalising bad things, I think. I think Trump is more concerned with pissing off people he doesn’t like, as Serai said. I think Trump is not mentally capable of thinking deeply about long term, subversive objectives. But his aides, and cabinet members, are.

        • Mark Lungo

          Hey, it’s the same way Trump’s voters think. That’s why they identify with him so strongly.

  • SomeBigRedDog

    What? Everyone should have at least one hobby. My hobby is rolling around in whatever rotten thing I can find in the yard. The rottener the better. I’m a bit of a connoisseur that way.

    P.S. – my spelling of connoisseur was so off I had to try FIVE TIMES before autocorrect could even figure out what I was trying to spell.

    • MasRioBravoHombre

      Praise all gods, great and small, that you don’t also eat horseshit. It made my dog get an intestinal/bacterial horror that was most un-fun to clean up.

      • SomeBigRedDog

        I have been known to snack out of the litter box.

        • MasRioBravoHombre

          Less than desirable outcomes can be achieved in this manner also.

          • SomeBigRedDog

            I don’t usually pay much attention to the cleaning up, so I don’t know about that.

          • Oblios_Cap

            They’re just doggie tootsie roll treats.

        • Occupied Territory of Kavefish

          Almond Roca!

        • mailman27

          Has a keen aroma!

          • Mark Lungo

            The Canine Centipede?

      • kbbaldwin2

        Mine would roll in it, and than grab a big turd to carry with him, in case the scent wore off.

    • Serai 1

      There was a lovely dead lizard in the gutter that my dog rubbed her head against the other day.

      • SomeBigRedDog

        Mmmmmmm. Dead lizards are great! They get that kind of dead fish aroma that I really love.

      • MasRioBravoHombre

        It was over 100 when my friend’s dog found a rotten duck…and rolled on it until the goo all over her.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Well, you’ve got Trump-sized fingers, so there’s that.

    • Three Finger Salute

      That’s OK. The French don’t even have a word for connoisseur. -W

    • mailman27

      Kind of like entrepreneur.

  • NastyBossetti

    “I have no hobbies,” he said, adding, “aside from torturing prisoners and using my office to enforce discrimination against black and brown people. How can I do that if I’m not in office?”

  • SomeBigRedDog

    Fuck it. He should run for president. Honestly, would he be any worse than what we have now? Plus he’s older and fatter so more likely to keel over soon.

    • OutOfOrbit

      evil ppl tend to live on & on way past their time

      • SomeBigRedDog

        Nah, its just that the good people are never seen as “past their time.” Example – Carter.

      • Lefty Wright

        Not really. It just seems that way.

  • geoffalnutt

    Pardon me so terribly, but Joe-Joe is 85 years old. I’ll just leave that here.

  • Wes Grogan

    At 85, some of his balls are located around his knees.

    • Relativicus

      In fact, he recently had both knees replaced with his testicles. They just swung them into place and he was good to go. Walks a little cockeyed, though.

  • Jgb979

    Pretty convinced “only the good die young”

    So he’ll have at least 10 more years before he takes his condo in hell at the back of a Mexican bodega.

    • SweetDeeKat

      Yeah, he falls into the “too mean to die” category.

  • MasRioBravoHombre

    I heard Cliven Bundy is getting a new cabinet position created to represent the Confederacy and it’s supporters. Discrimination against Confederates MUST end, and Drumpf is the one to get it done.

  • blaid droog

    The fact of his continued existence is all the proof I need that there is no gawd.

  • jesuswasablack

    This asshole represents everything that in wrong in this country in one despicable human (sort of) being! He’s a racist, Bad Cop, homophobe, xenophobe, misogynist, narcissist, hell fuck the senate he should run for President!

    http://reconstitution.us/rcnew/wp-content/uploads/2009/11/nazi_joe.jpg

  • Moebym of the Returners

    My parents considered retiring to Maricopa County. They didn’t, because of this guy.

    • georgiaburning

      What you save on taxes you spend on the electric bill in the summer

      • Moebym of the Returners

        That’s certainly true. And water as well.

  • MOG253

    He’s right, age has nothing to do with it. He’s always been a POS.

  • La forza del resistino

    “… no way I’m going to go fishing. I have no hobbies,”
    Great, just what the nation needs is another maladjusted personality.

  • (((fka_donnie_d)))

    Yea, McCain’s to old, but this guy is… mellowed.

  • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

    this guy arguing discrimination just gets up all…errr…all violate-the-radical-rules-for-non-commenty.

  • Occupied Territory of Kavefish

    This morning on The Daily podcast, there was a piece on Sherrif Joe. The reporter doing the piece noted, without saying so directly, how desperate he seemed for company and for something to do – anything – now that he doesn’t have the jerb.

    So, I take great pleasure in hearing him say he has no hobbies, and wish him many more years with nothing to do and no attention or acclaim, until his vat of misery filleth to the brim.

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    Maybe he should just STFU? I’m pretty sure pardoning doesn’t preclude civil suits…

    • clubseal

      Don’t give Trump any ideas.

  • rocktonsam

    “I have no hobbies.”
    because you’re to damn busy being racist, asshole!

    • ClueBat

      I would argue that being racist *is* his hobby.

      • kbbaldwin2

        And he is damned good at it also, too.

      • Gaz Netherlands

        It is not. It is a way of life

  • (((fka_donnie_d)))

    OMG Please run for senate, so the press can find more reasons for people to sue you, and then we can all point and point and laugh and laugh.

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    Just another statistic in the chart for: Only Dogs And The Good Die Young…

  • laughingnome

    He works 14 hours a day. What a fucking grind. Hate that shit.

    • Nockular cavity

      Gonna call bullshit on that claim.

  • (((fka_donnie_d)))

    Hey, legal wonksters – his lawyer was on msnbc a couple days back, said that getting a pardon before the trial started was exactly as if he had died mid-trial – no admission of guilt. Is he full of shit?

    • Red Bird

      The trial us over. He was waiting in sentencing.

    • Blackest Noobs

      dude, he’s a lawyer, all lawyers are full of shit.

      “The first thing we do,let’s kill all the lawyers.”
      Dick the Butcher, Henry VI,” Part II, act IV, Scene II.

    • Yeah it was bs. For one the trial was done. For two pardon means you did it but someone took pity. Funny how he was too old for jail but not too old to run for whatever tho

    • ClueBat

      This is the same lawyer that represented Jeff Flake’s kid when he killed a bunch of dogs, so there’s that. And yes, he’s full of shit. Arpaio had been found guilty already. He’s more of a PR shuckster than a lawyer.

  • IdiotsforPalin

    Just fukking die already……..

    • Randy Riddle

      I’d settle for a debilitating but non-life threatening opiod overdose.

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      Maybe idiopathic votemia instead. A bloodstream full of votes, and every time he’s about to do something enjoyable, a vote occludes one of his capillaries, producing a brief but sharp pain. Idiopathic because no one knows the origin, and also too because he’s a pathological idiot.

  • Nockular cavity

    I said it before, I’ll say it again: Sue him to fucking rubble, then sue the rubble.

    • Blackest Noobs

      And Trump, his pal, has made that all the more possible.

      you would think a guy that sues as much as Trump would have known that.

  • The Librarian

    “If anyone thinks my age is going to hold me back, I’ve got news for them.”

    It’s not your age, racist asshat, it’s your mental instability and probable dementia that will hopefully stop this train wreck from happening.

    • cicatricella

      didn’t work for 45.

      • The Librarian

        True, but now that so many issues have been exposed, let it serve as an example of what not to do.

  • JustDon’tSayDignity
    • Parakeetist
    • Goposaur

      OT: TMBG trivia. They used to run ads in the classified section of the Village Voice with a phone number that when you called, a clip of one of their songs would play.

      Brilliant marketing way, way, way before the intertubes.

      Anyway, back to our regularly scheduled programing of shitting on that turd mountain called Arpaio

      • JustDon’tSayDignity

        The ad on early album art read “Free if you call from work”.

  • Iron Monkey

    Sheriff Joe would be a great Republican nominee for Senate. He represents their values perfectly and it would be like running against a combination of Mussolini and Bozo the Clown in the general election.

    • bupkus231

      Problem is, it’s all too possible that the voters would elect Bozo the Clown – after all, they elected Rump.

      And the idea that Arpaio is part Mussolini is a “feature” to the rest of the voters who would vote for him….

  • anon_the_great

    “They just say Sheriff Joe Arpaio comma 85 years old. Why do they always say that?”

    They cling onto life like some kind of disease
    Old people, they make young people scream
    Old people, they make young people lay down and die
    -Robyn Hitchcock

    • ahughes798

      And Robyn Hitchcock is now……..old. Another case of “Hope I die before I get old.”

  • SadDemInTex

    Well…he lost in 2016…the year that saw Trump win…in the county he had ruled for decades. While I am somewhat afraid to suggest that I don’t think he would win in Arizona as a Senator I can I do say “fuck him with votes and other implements as seen as appropriate by Arizona voters”.

  • Jeff Mc Donald

    Would old Joe be the first convicted criminal to be elected to the Senate? Just wondering, because I’m pretty sure some were convicted of crimes after they were elected, but not before. We’re really winning in Trumpmerica!

  • Anna Rompage

    Didn’t he lose his last bid for sheriff by something like 14 points?

  • Hey joe…you do know that for state wides they let not whites vote right? Good luck with that!

  • OneYieldRegular

    “I have no hobbies,” he said, “I mean, aside from forcing men to dress in pink underwear and prance around for my pleasure.”

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      And spying on imprisoned ladies as they go tinkle, also too.

  • JohnBull

    It’s Arizona. He doesn’t just have a chance; it’s a downright guarantee.

  • clubseal

    Ugh. Speaking of the rightwing grift circuit, I just know that this douchebag is going to show up in my neck of the woods in California, where he has a number of die hard supporters.

  • Relativicus

    I’m hearing a top position at State may become available soon. And I understand they’ll be looking for someone who doesn’t put too high a premium on diplomacy and other gay shit like that. So, knife meet sheath?

  • jackie jones

    Senior Job Takers! Tick tick tick, Joe.

  • Pisto75666

    “Arpaio said he believes “there is discrimination against senior citizens, big time” and that “I’m proud to be my age. I work 14 hours a day. If anyone thinks my age is going to hold me back, I’ve got news for them.”

    As if anyone thinks that. The only thing that would hold him back is if his well of immigrant tears dries up

  • MasRioBravoHombre

    Drumpf said he announced Arpaio’s pardon in order to get big ratings…during a disaster in which a city of 6.5 million is DROWNING. Drumpf is a psychopath, entirely lacking any empathy whatsoever. I can’t wait to see how he disgraces himself and the Presidency when gets here, to Texas, tomorrow.

    • Keith Wilson

      “Nobody knew how big it would be.”

  • sgt. jmk of the résistance

    Odd how Ol’ Consatooshunal Shurrf Joe is willing to take a step down from the highest (valid) elected office in the country to become a senator.
    https://twitter.com/jjmacnab/status/902211939195019264

  • BearDeLaOursistance

    He has no hobbies? What about all those mediocre watercolor paintings?

    • kbbaldwin2

      Different guy, I think.

  • mailman27

    Three words, “Sheriff Joe.” Admission of guilt.

    • Goposaur

      I’ve got 2 words for him, and they ain’t “happy birthday”

  • Roadstergal

    Oh, you’ve faced discrimination, Joe? Please, tell us more.

  • eastcoastlib

    It would not surprise me in the least if AZ elected this wannabe tyrant to represent their deplorable state. I’ve come to expect the worst from our electorate.

  • Deborah Ujevich

    I thought the fact that he was harmless, ancient, doddering old Sheriff Joe was part of the excuse for pardoning him. Too old for prison, but not, apparently, for the Senate.

    • Weird Fishes

      No, there he’ll revert to being a jailer.

  • Zyxomma

    I think he’ll just join the rightwing nutjob grifter circuit, after his first ghostwritten book.

  • Wookie Monster

    That’s funny, just the other day, Ole’ Racist Joe’s own lawyer was using his age as an excuse for why he’s still an angry racist and a birther. But now anyone who brings it up is discriminating against him?

    http://www.rawstory.com/2017/08/msnbcs-velshi-trounces-arpaio-lawyer-over-birtherism-im-kenyan-born-and-obama-wasnt-at-the-meetings/

  • osceola

    Arizona is where mean old people go to acclimate themselves to the heat before they die and go to hell.

    • LadyLaz

      Bravo

  • Sakonyachen

    Sheriff Joe feels like he’s being discriminated against and he works 14 hours a day? Why does he not empathize with Mexican immigrants again?

    Just heard a story today about a sixty plus year old immigrant lady today who was walking to work in the snake infested waters of the floods in Houston. The guy I listen to in the morning on the radio is saying, “This lady is over 60 years old and doesn’t even speak English.”(Not sure that you need to know English to walk in snake infected currents) “She wanted to make it to work where she irons clothes for a living. Most of you can’t even make it to work when there’s an inch of snow on the ground.”

    The whole thing was just a parody of what this country has become. He’s praising her for her work ethic instead of condemning a system where people are so afraid of losing their jobs that they risk their life to make it to work. Even though I agree on the inch of snow thing(suck it up STL, the roads are salted and plowed), I don’t see where that is what someone would take from this poor woman’s plight. Sure maybe she just really wanted to go to work and it never occurred to her she might be fired for not showing up, but somehow I highly doubt that.

  • Walter Wellstone

    Donald will appoint him to run ICE. That’s how these sociopathic motherfuckers roll.

  • JD Mulvey

    14-hour days? I call bullshit.

    • covfefesumgame0005

      hey! when an 85 year old fart naps he naps HARD don’t ya know!

  • major_asshole

    He “works” 14 hours a day? Doing what, exactly? Ironing white robes and licking boots marketed by only The Klassiest Man in the World(tm) doesn’t take all day, y’know.

    Also, I don’t believe Maricopa County is entirely conservative. Phoenix and its metro area are rather progressive–just look at their pride events.

  • NotDarkYet

    As much as it pains me to say this (because when I read his age, I was immediately reminded of my dad who is the same age, and I’m losing him to dementia), Joe’s reign of terror in whatever capacity is going to be mercifully short. God simply does not allow for her creation to reach biblical ages anymore. She probably saw the flaw in her design … :)

  • guest

    Joey is now demanding that his conviction be removed from the record.

    “Already-pardoned Arpaio asks judge to undo conviction”
    http://www.chron.com/news/politics/article/Already-pardoned-ex-sheriff-asks-judge-to-undo-12103025.php.

    Of course who does he blame for his conviction:
    Obama.

    • Petunia Cat

      We need to add a new crime to the books. Being in receipt of a bogus pardon. It’s bogus because it was politically motivated, a political pay off and did not come through the pardon attorney. Oh and we should also make non-pardon attorney based ones illegal. 📝⚖️

  • SeeTrain65

    We had one Strom Thurmond for too long, Joe. We don’t need a second.

  • Sharon Cooper

    Why, WHY can’t they just go live on their own little white supremacist island somewhere and fade into obscurity?

    • Petunia Cat

      A tropical island. Where they can all get skin cancer because they are so melanin challenged. #HappyThoughts

      • Moar Wordz

        Fuck, I’m melanin challenged now and the dissappearing ozone layer makes the sun at noon hurt my face in Boston…

  • Moar Wordz

    It strikes me as highly unusual that Arpaio doubtlessly came from a family of immigrants and chose to break the law regarding immigrants rights in the U.S.
    Trump admitted he announced his pardon of Arpaio, in the aftermath of Harvey, to improve his ratings. The mind boggles.

    • Johnny Appleseed

      I doubt his ratings turn around.

      • Moar Wordz

        Me neither. He’d need some kind of miraculous event, like walking on water, for his ratings to go up

        • Johnny Appleseed

          If he’s ever going to do it, Houston would be a good place to try.

          • Moar Wordz

            He went to Corpus Christi and Austin, allegedly not interrupt relief efforts.

          • Johnny Appleseed

            There might be some water there too. He should try it.

            Yes, he is so afraid of the perception of Dumb-ya flying over N’Orlins. Obama, if I recall correctly, walked with Christie in Joisy. Maybe Repubs can’t fathom “the human touch”? Not sure.

          • Moar Wordz

            Obama would’ve not only flown over Houston, he would’ve gotten Bo, put a rain coat on and fished people out of the water.

    • Mark Lungo

      In fact, Arpaio’s parents emigrated from Italy (see link). As an American-born spaghetti bender myself, I disavow this blot on my ancestral homeland.

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joe_Arpaio#Early_life

      • Moar Wordz

        Haha, ” Spaghetti bender ” ! Never heard that one. He is a blot on his ancestral homeland. Thanks for link, I’m curious about his backround the way people have morbid fascination for, say, Charles Manson.

        • Husband Of Mrs God

          You know that Arpaio don’t surf either.

      • Moar Wordz

        Groan. He was born in Springfield, MA. He comes by way of Italy from my fucking state !
        ” Mother died in childbirth. ” That explains alot. No mother would put up with his shit.

  • Ninja0980

    Drop dead you nasty old coot.

  • HazooToo

    His fucking hobby is torture. Because he’s a sadistic son of a bitch who’s gone mad with power.

    • Petunia Cat

      I was trying to think of a witty way to express that exact idea. Thank you for saving me the time.

      Of course maybe all this horror could’ve been avoided if years ago someone had got him interested in World of Warcraft or model trains. 😩

      And why does his name have three vowels in a row in it? I mean if he supposedly is Whitey McWhiteface and not at all Latin? 🤔

      • HazooToo

        He probably has some Latino heritage. But he’d also probably tell you “obviously, then, I know what I’m doing when I’m profiling against them, stop questioning me” if you pointed it out

  • HooverVilles

    Well, if he does run for Senator, we will get a real insight into Arizona voters.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    There will be a Battle Royale between Sheriff Joe and Sheriff Clarke for the title of America’s Tuffest Sheriff.

    A. Naked. Oil-drenched. Battle. Royale.

    • Petunia Cat

      I’m astonished that isn’t actually happening as we speak.

    • Weird Fishes

      I’m pretty sure the President has his “Top people, the very best, you wouldn’t believe how good they are” working on that very thing.

    • ~Devil’s Food~

      *GROSS!*

      +_+

  • Marc Berrenson

    Sheriff Joe is on record as saying that if The Cheeto asked him to run for senator against Flake, that he’d have to seriously consider it. And you know he’ll say that Trump did in fact ask him to run to get all the Trumpsters on board. So we have The Cheeto pardoning The Dickhead in order to have The Dickhead challenge Flake, who the Cheeto wants defeated. Abuse of pardon power? obstruction of justice?

  • A suggestion: let’s not call him “Sheriff Joe” anymore. He’s no longer a Sheriff, thank goodness. Call him “Convicted Criminal Joe” or “Lawbreaker Joe” or “Human Rights Violator Joe”. Something like that. Even “Bullshit Pardon Recipient Joe” would be better. He doesn’t deserve the “Sheriff” title.

    • BreakingDeadMen

      Convicted Felon Joe Arpaio works. It makes him a common Convicted Felon D’Nesh D’Souza, but that’s to the good.

  • Marc Berrenson

    You’re right. Apologies to my boyhood favorite, Sheriff John.

  • 73angelD

    “They just say Sheriff Joe Arpaio comma 85 years old. Why do they always say that?”. You’re right Joe. They should say former Sheriff Joe Arpaio comma racist asshole. Much better!

  • Teto85

    Not just “no”, but “Fuck NO!!!!”

    • ~Devil’s Food~

      I too instantly-thought and felt The Same.

      -_-

      #HellNo.

      #REVULSION.

  • ~Devil’s Food~

    #DenyArpaio.

    -_-

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