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Yiff-yiff-yiff-yiff-yiff in hell! Yiff-yiff-yiff-yiff-yiff in hell!
We didn’t feel like looking for a picture of the dude on the internet, so here’s a Nazi furry.

Bart Alsbrook is the interim police chief in Colbert, Oklahoma. We imagine he’s been having a super-nice time taking selfies of himself in a real live police uniform, since, despite his appointment, he’s only certified as a reserve officer and would have to get the proper certifications within six months to serve as a real police chief. Things were going just super-swell for him until a reporter for KXII in Oklahoma noticed on the Southern Poverty Law Center’s hate map that there was one hate group in the Texoma area called “ISD Records,” which “sells racist media and memorabilia aimed at skinheads and white nationalists.” Surprise, it was owned by Bart Alsbrook!

With a banner that reads “The Voice of Blood and Honour,” an international coalition of racist skinhead gangs, ISD Records features artists like The Klansmen and album titles including “‘Hitler was Right'”. […]

We called Alsbrook [and] He denied he was the Bart Alsbrook behind isdrecords.com.

We searched for another Bart Alsbrook and couldn’t find another person with that name in the United States.

The site was taken offline within hours of that conversation.

Say it with us: HE SEEMS NICE!

But we can see you out there, prejudging this guy, just because he owns an online Nazi record label/apparel dispensary. Would it change your mind if you knew that, according to Alsbrook, he engaged in a kerfuffle with a bunch of heavy metal skinhead Nazis back in the 1990s, and they stoled his wallet and they have been using his name for their Nazi activities ever since?

No? Because he said that TOTALLY happened.

OK, but what if we told you Alsobrook caught a charge for a tiny wee bit of attempted murder back in the 1990s? Oh, that is not helping his case at all? Gee whiz.

What if Alsbrook was ALSO “falsely accused” of being behind ANOTHER Nazi group/website?

… [I]n 2005, the SPLC identified Alsbrook as Blood and Honour USA’s Texas coordinator and the man behind NS88 Videos, with a website similar to ISD Records.

It is truly amazing how skinheads have been framing this guy for decades (DALLAS skinheads, according to Alsbrook!), just to take away his job as interim police chief for Colbert, Oklahoma, a career many have dreamt about, but few have achieved.

The Tulsa World reports that Alsbrook will resign his post, now that his life has been FULLY RUINT by these scurrilous allegations:

He … said the allegations have ruined his life and that he plans to resign as interim chief and won’t continue as a reserve officer. Alsbrook responded to the Tulsa World by text messages Saturday.

“Someone has been using my name for years on the Internet in regards to racist topics. It’s not me, rather someone who has hijacked my name due to my combativeness and rejection to white power skinheads who were always coming to the heavy metal shows, starting fights and messing up our scene,” he said.

That’s a shame.

The Tulsa World changed some of the text’s spelling and punctuation for clarity.

Wait, local (ALLEGEDLY!) neo-Nazi can’t spell? No shit.

Well, we trust that this story has been eye-opening for everyone. When you pray to Jesus tonight, remember to put in a good word for Bart Alsbrook, that all these homosexuals will stop sucking his cock neo-Nazis will stop ruining his life forever by pretending to be him, perhaps even going so far as to inhabit his body and control his thoughts.

Oh, what a world.

Wonkette salaries are fully paid by loving souls like you! If you love us, click below to fund us!

[KXII / Tulsa World]

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  • memzilla Ω
    • Jeffocaster in the West

      Bugs and Daffy are Jewish, too!

      • Three Finger Salute

        Bernard “Bugs” Bunawalski and David “Daffy” Duckman.

        • Jeffocaster in the West

          Melvin Jerome Blanc

    • LesBontemps

      Seems to be Nazi Season a lot more frequently these days.

      • TJ Barke

        The herds have been allowed to grow without check.

      • Major_Major_Major

        That’s just a marketing ploy, Nazi’s are NEVER out of season. Happy hunting, comrades.

      • exinkwretch

        The best part of the season is late April, when the leaders turn their guns on themselves!

    • foiled again

      Behold! Trump’s America, where cartoon characters are far more patriotic than many in Meatspace.

      • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

        In the comics, Lex Luthor was elected president some years ago. In order to follow the law, he divested himself of all shares in Lexcorp.
        A comic book supervillain was LITERALLY more ethical than Trump.

    • eggs ackly-wright

      Be vewy, vewy quiet. I’m hunting Nazis.

      • Permit-holder Ron

        You don’t need to be. They’re so obnoxiously loud that we could come after them with a 100-piece marching band and they’d never know.

        • Three Finger Salute

          I did Nazi that coming.

          • Bad Tom

            Neither did the Nazis.

        • Persistent Demme

          Bring on the KKK Tubas!

  • Jeffocaster in the West

    These people have no shame, no humanity, nothing. There are some big rocks they can crawl under. Although that is libelz to the creatures who naturally dwell there………

  • Augustus

    It’s one of the things that irks me most about these motherfuckers…

    If you’re going to be a hateful asshole, sack the fuck up and own it

    I will not and can not ever respect their views and their goals, but if they would at least stand up for what they believe in I could manage a bit of respect for their chutzpah

    but they don’t even have that, they’re fucking cowards, through and through who want to be big angry boys when it looks good for them, and lie and misdirect and sob and beg for forgiveness when people call them out

    bunch of fucking Nazi pussies

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    Would it change your mind if you knew that, according to Alsbrook, he engaged in a kerfuffle with a bunch of heavy metal skinhead Nazis back in the 1990s, and they stoled his wallet and they have been using his name for their Nazi activities ever since?

    Sure, if he shows us a copy of the police report he naturally would have filed for the theft of his property.
    Oh, he doesn’t have one?
    Then, SHADDUP!

    • Celtic_Gnome

      And, because they stole his identity, Bart has not attempted to develop a separate social media persona with what is evidently the most unique name in the English language.

  • Ωbjectifier

    An old friend came in from out of town! Someone stole my car! There was an earthquake! A terrible flood! Locusts! IT WASN’T MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD!

    • Jeffocaster in the West

      Aw…Jake…….

      • Augustus

        I love ya, baby!

    • Augustus

      So for me, for my mother, my grandmother, my father, my uncle, and for the common good, I must now kill you, and your brother.

  • Joe Beese
  • Gayer Than Thou

    Pro tip: do not start Nazi website before first changing your name from Eustace Bartholomew Fauntleroy Alsbrook.

    • GoutMachine

      “There was a boy called Eustace Clarence Scrubb, and he almost deserved it.” – C.S. Lewis, “The Voyage of the Dawn Treader”

  • Serai 1
    • Jeffocaster in the West

      I just look like old chili cheese dip……….

      • Weird Fishes

        …or more realistically the inevitable aftermath of same.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    The courage of lions, these Nazi scum.

    • Serai 1

      Four of them.

    • eggs ackly-wright

      “Put ’em up, put ’em up.” Bert Lahr weeps.

  • Mavenmaven

    He was just “commemorating his history and heritage”.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    Too bad ISD Records is offline – I bet they have a really danceable remix of Springtime For Hitler.

    • eggs ackly-wright

      Let’s put up a picture of Kenneth Mars and say it’s Bart.

    • John Robinson

      I hear it was a bass-heavy version by a Stomp tribute group called Hobnails. Less music, more percussion.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    Seems to me like maybe police and sheriff department psych tests ought to be just a smidge more thorough. A lot of lone wolf-type bad apples seem to be sneaking through the process somehow.

    • Augustus

      It almost feels like it’s by design.

      • TJ Barke

        Like racism that’s, would you say, institutional?

        • Augustus

          YE GODS, WHAT HATH YOU WROUGHT?

          Oh, right, a clusterfucktastrophe

      • eggs ackly-wright

        Intellighent design, right?

        • redarmyzombie

          Well, I wouldn’t go *that* far…

    • jesterpunk
      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        Oh. My. Gawd.

        • TJ Barke

          Scifi dystopia now.

        • jesterpunk

          Are you surprised now why there are so many shitty police officers?

      • Sophia

        They working on the bell curve and that explains Arapaio

      • MynameisBlarney

        So now they’re banning hi IQ’s from even being eligible to be cops.

        Brilliant.

        • Three Finger Salute

          Well, I guess that bans that IQ 132 woman from the other day. Donnie also says he has the bigliest ever at 170. Although something tells me both of them are guilty of some fuzzy math.

  • Mavenmaven

    This is the kind of guy Trump wants to give military eqipment to.

  • schmannity

    Blood and Honor was roundly rejected as a new product designation by Kotex.

    • therblig

      as were “Trumpons” for when you’re bleeding out of your whatever.

      i don’t get marketing.

  • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

    Okay, but you conveniently forget about the Anti-fascist Sheriffs who sell badly designed t-shirts and mugs on Cafe Press.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    In his wildest dreams of destroying America, even Putin surely could not have imagined a scenario in which the election of the shambling orange shitmonster would unleash this kind of sharknado of horribleness on this country. He must be reveling in every news story that comes out every damn day.

    • Mavenmaven

      Trumpnado!

    • Augustus

      He is.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      It hasn’t turned out all that well for Russia. They may have hated Clinton, but she was a known quantity and good at what she did. Trumps election has actually ended up being something of a disaster for Putin, given that the sanctions are more firmly in place than ever.

      • TJ Barke

        Either way, Putie wins, it’s just to what degree. If donnie could lift sanctions, then fantastic. If not, the damage he does to our country, particularly to the state department, damages our standing on the global stage, giving Russia more breathing room.

        • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

          Given that they’ve become a second rate power that happens to have nukes, the election has made them look more powerful and scary than they really are. But Putin and his mob wanted those sanctions lifted more than anything else. In that respect, they’ve failed.

      • Weird Fishes

        Also, if you think about it, the shadow that’s already been cast on this election and its associated Russian shenanigans has saved the French election and stopped some other alt-right weirdness have already made the Russians look even more like shitburgers than they did before.

        So when Mueller gets to grinding the Russkies are going to be in a world of hurt.

  • JDM

    So he’s been a victim of people for a quarter of a century and hasn’t been able to do anything about it? Sounds just a tad incompetent when it comes to the abilities you need in a sheriff.

    • eggs ackly-wright

      But I’ll bet he has a lot of flair on his uniform.

      • LesBontemps

        Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

      • Permit-holder Ron

        He bought it from the Clarke collection.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    I’m sorry but my dog had a better excuse when I caught him tearing up my couch than “Nazis stole my identity decades ago and I haven’t been able to do anything about it.”

  • Joe Beese

    Long Vanity Fair piece about what shits Ivared are.

    Since his father-in-law’s election, he has talked in an interview about “exfoliating” those who are not supportive of his work with the president, perhaps not the most congenial way to talk about people you no longer need or want. He reportedly told one former associate, who had brought up the ugly rhetoric of the campaign Kushner had helped run, that he did not “give a shit” if the associate didn’t want to do business with Kushner anymore.

    “I haven’t had anything to do with them since they moved,” said one New York friend, “and it is because the day that man gave an inaugural speech, what am I going to say? ‘What the fuck is wrong with you?’”…

    The time may already be past when Kushner and Ivanka could fully save their own reputations, at least in the kind of society they have enjoyed for much of their young lives—the precincts of Upper East Side socialites for Ivanka and high-society New Jersey for Kushner.

    https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2017/08/jared-kushner-ivanka-trump-repelled-by-washington-elite/amp

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      I sincerely hope that they end up in a trailer park on the outskirts of Gary, Indiana, and even there the neighbors shun them.

      • jesterpunk

        Trailer parks have some standards on who they let in.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      High society New Jersey? Is that a thing?

      • LesBontemps

        D’oh! I should know to scroll down before posting!

        • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

          The Wonketariat moves quickly and great minds think alike blah blah blah….

      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        Real Housiwives of NJ libel…

        Nah, I’m wrong. Clearly, if that’s the standard, no, no there is not.

        I kid, I kid, my NJ friends.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef
    • LesBontemps

      I call bullshit: “high-society New Jersey” is not a thing.

      • Mr. Blobfish

        It’s real. Head out to Morris County and you run into insufferable DAR’s, blue bloods and the horsey set. Or down around Princeton. Or Northeast Bergen County. Lot’s of money and douchebags.

        • Gorillionaire

          Yep. Wall Street turds who think nothing of spending fifty bucks to cross the water just to get to work every day, and then bitch to their wives that their bonuses aren’t as big as the neighbor’s.

          • therblig

            on the whole, new jerseyans are a pretty good bunch. we take “armpit of america” and jersey shore jokes in stride, and we take pride in our better than average schools. it’s only when we get a lot of money or power that we turn into real assholes.

          • Gorillionaire

            Oh, absolutely. Dated a Jersey gal all through college and she and her family were wonderful, hilarious, fun. Quite a change from my Southern upbringing.

        • Persistent Demme

          What about New Brunswick?
          Drama-daughter just moved there (she’s getting a Master’s Degree in costume construction from Rutgers).

      • exinkwretch

        I’ve seen sketchy looking dudes hanging around behind a dumpster in Fort Lee that looked high as hell.

      • Three Finger Salute
        • Persistent Demme

          OK, now!
          That’s crazy talk, Twitler grandpa!

    • Mr. Blobfish

      I’m having a hard time architecting a shit for this worthless, slack jawed sack of crap, his worthless, oblivious wife and her equally worthless and oblivious father.

    • Permit-holder Ron

      ‘Exfoliating’? He thinks people who don’t support Twitler should wash with a mildly abrasive soap so their skin looks its best?

      • Three Finger Salute

        Neets more systematizing the synergy.

      • Nockular cavity

        The early-model Daleks went around screaming “EXFOLIATE! EXFOLIATE!” but it was decided they weren’t quite scary enough.

    • The time may already be past when Kushner and Ivanka could fully save
      their own reputations, at least in the kind of society they have enjoyed
      for much of their young lives—the precincts of Upper East Side
      socialites for Ivanka and high-society New Jersey for Kushner.

      The best part of this is that the respect of the “upper-class” New Yorkers is all that Donald HAS EVER WANTED, and the one thing that he could never, ever get. That’s why he sold Ivanka to Jared in the first place.

  • Anna Rompage

    Oh, so it’s okay to belong to the KKK or other white supremacy group in most parts of Oklahoma, but being a nazi is just a smidge over the line…

    Who knew they had standards?

    • GoutMachine

      Too Euro.

      • Cat Cafe for the Resignation

        Too Jewish

  • GoutMachine

    In related news, Stormfront got bounced by their domain.

    http://www.knoxnews.com/story/news/2017/08/26/white-supremacist-forum-site-stormfront-seized-domain-hosts/604902001/

    Stormfront, an international supremacist web forum, appears to have been seized by its website host, Network Solutions, LLC.

    The forum disappeared Friday. WhoIs, a web service that tracks site ownership, reported the Stormfront domain’s status as “under hold.”

    Guess they’ll only have Fox News now.

    • Anna Rompage

      And Deadbart, and InfoWars, and The Gateway PudHead, and WND, and a whole slew of other racist, alt right media sources…

      • Three Finger Salute

        Zombie Deplorebel Media still exists up North, though apparently it’s just Ezra talking to himself in his dressing room now.

    • goonemeritus

      They will need to start blogging by news letter through the mail pretty soon.

    • Parakeetist

      Yes! Thank you, God.

    • schmannity

      And Sarah Huckabeast

      • george lastrapes

        Don’t forget new communications director, Ho Pix. I mean Hope Hicks.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    I hate Dallas skinheads.

    • P’jama Pahnts

      They’re not as bad as Illinois nazis

      • JohnBull

        I hate Illinois nazis!

      • Mr. Blobfish

        They’re all the same. As a wondering minstrel in the 80’s, I witnessed some scary shit when the skinheads would take over a show. Chicago. Denver. Dallas. Phoenix. Austin.

  • ManchuCandidate

    B: “I just sell what the kids like.”
    R: “What kids?”
    B: “You know… The boys from Brazil and the /mumble/ Hitler youth.”
    R: “What?”
    B: “Uh some Huttite Youth…?”

    • Walter Wellstone

      Yoot.

  • Walter Wellstone
  • exinkwretch

    White Jesus sobs as this man is persecuted for his religious beliefs. And in OK! Whodathunkit?

    • That should be the next topic of one of those nice paintings that guy does.

  • Randy Riddle

    “The Tulsa World changed some of the text’s spelling and punctuation for clarity.”

    As must we all when reading public statements from the President these days.

    • GoutMachine

      It’d take a hell of a lot more than spelling and punctuation to introduce clarity into that dumpster fire.

    • Rags

      The clarity is the spelling and punctuation

  • Crystalclear12

    Gawd, they are all such whiny little bastards!
    I am so tired of this blizzard of Nazi snowflakes!

  • Permit-holder Ron

    Gee, you’d think someone supporting Nazis would have the courage of his convictions. Aren’t they the Master race? Do they not think they’re above having to apologise for that?

    • OrG

      Eating is more important than principles.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      It’s all about consequence-free freeze peaches. Once the shithens start to roost, fergetabouddit.

    • Serai 1

      Nazis and racists are all cowards. They’re only tough when they’re in a big gang.

      • YoBunnyBunny

        And even then, they still needz moar gunz.

  • Lefty Wright

    Such a shame, losing his job as the head cop in a thriving metropolis. Their population zoomed from 1,065 in 2000 all the way to 1,140 in 2010. It’s probably pushing 1,200 today.

  • coozledad

    I thought “There’s a name weeping for an anagram” but all the computer gives me is Boob Rat Larks.

    • cheetojeebus

      IDK Boob Rat Larks has a certain jingle jangle to it.

    • TJ Barke

      Ratboobs Karl? I hate that guy.

    • Marion in Savannah

      Brat larks — boo.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Lark brats taste best with a little Grey Poupon.

        Or aspic. Aspic works, too.

    • SDGeoff3

      Well that’s ok then.

  • Carpe Vagenda
  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    I want it on the record that the one time I said some mean shit on Teh Wonkettes and got a righteous spanking, well, that wasn’t me. You see, skinheads stole my login ID st a heavy metal concert I attended back in the 1990’s…

    • proudgrampa

      Oh, suuuuuuure.

    • Rags

      This is the fake me calling bullshit.

    • Me too!

      How odd.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        And so’s my wife!

    • Covfefe

      Gets worser. Every once and in a while some dude steals my screen name and avatar and goes all Poe. Hate it when that happens.

  • Joe Beese
    • Martini Ambassador 🍸
      • SDGeoff3

        Leave it to Betty.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        That ass has been to all the seats of power.

    • Vincent Ricola

      “Sitting in Putin’s private office” sounds like the worst sex act ever.

      • therblig

        avoid the “moscow steamer” – it involves polonium.

        • Msgr_MΩment

          Makes its own steam.

      • SDGeoff3

        We hope it is not a typo.

  • Vincent Ricola

    We searched for another Bart Alsbrook and couldn’t find another person with that name in the United States.

    I really enjoy when Nazi assholes get caught in their simpleton web of lies.

    • proudgrampa

      He would have been much safer with a name like “John Smith” or “Mike Hunt.”

      • Three Finger Salute

        Richard Holster.

      • Nockular cavity

        Mein Kuntf.

      • harryr

        I actually know a a guy called P(eter) Ness. Genuinely a nice bloke

        • proudgrampa

          In the old days here at Wonkette, P-ness was a measure of our love and respect for each other.

  • Jgb979

    Surprised he felt the need to “I quit”

    After all: a town of 1,200 in the middle of Oklahoma probably……isn’t the most racially progressive to begin with, and he could just ask Donnie J for another get out of jail free card

    “Dear Donnie: it’s your friend pickle”

    • Cat Cafe for the Resignation

      I forgot about Pickle oh my god so funny

      • Three Finger Salute

        Surprised to see Dylan Pickles supporting Trump. He and his brother Tommy are half-Jewish. I take it he’s the Malik Obama of the pair…?

  • proudgrampa

    I still don’t get the “Furry Nazi” thing.

    It’s really a “thing,” huh?

    • Permit-holder Ron

      Yes, but happily they are being rapidly marginalised.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Are the furry Nazis being marginalized by hairless Nazis, or by the rest of us too?

        • Permit-holder Ron

          Not sure. But I’m hoping it’s AOT,K.

        • Jennifer R

          The other nazis think the furs are degenerates (richard spencer directly addressed foxler about this much to the pleasure of all of twitter)
          We furs think they are nazis and we already know how to deal with nazis. no votes needed.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            The Head Furry Nazi is really named FOXler?

          • Jennifer R

            Yes, a THAI man named foxler nyghtfire who has a boyfriend. But instead of having sex with the boyfriend he has sex with the dog he bought as a puppy to lure a 16 year old to him. He avoided statutory charges because she was 16 and she didn’t leave the house in the end so he didn’t get hit with those kidnapping charges (age of consent and age of majority are different things. Which he doesn’t understand because he proudly tells the luring story.)

            This guy is a hot mess, and that means a TON coming from me.

      • SDGeoff3

        Like man buns?

        • Msgr_MΩment

          or Nazis with man buns?

          • SDGeoff3

            Even worser.

    • Jennifer R

      A thing that we push farther and farther out of the fandom. They are at the point where they have to abandon all of the various communication platforms because They keep having their servers shut down. One of the leaders (the guy who tried to hire a hitman to kill Deo) has been having all his work scrubbed from previous contractees, leaving him with an empty portfolio.

      • BouncyFlyer

        I’ve seen incredibly weird things in fandom in my over twenty years in it, but Alt-furries really blow everything else away for sheer WTF.

        • Jennifer R

          Well it turns out that some of them are just old Burnt Furs in it for anything that can be used to attack queers. And some of them are just reactionary scumbag nazis.

  • Daredevil
  • Anna Rompage

    Speaking of lying nazis… Turns out the guy in Colorado with the cheesy nazi haircut that claimed he was stabbed by a member of the antifa, made up the story, and has subsequently been arrested…

    http://www.rawstory.com/2017/08/man-who-claimed-antifa-stabbing-over-white-supremacist-haircut-admits-he-made-up-attack/

    • TJ Barke

      Shocker.

    • marxalot

      Captain Renault dot gif

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      Police confronted Witt about this — and he admitted that he’d actually cut his own hand by accident while his car was parked at a nearby Steak ‘n Shake.

      The dangers of needledickdom.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    Let he who has not had his ID stolen by Nazi heavy metal skinheads at a concert cast the first stone.

  • coozledad

    ISD Records features artists like The Klansmen and album titles including “‘Hitler was Right’”. […].

    This is the only album cover ISD records will ever need.
    http://thefw.com/files/2012/05/35-All-My-Friends-Are-Dead-Freddie-Gage.jpg

    • Msgr_MΩment

      The Klansmen? I love their 1960’s garage band classic, “Jewie, Jewie”.

  • jesuswasablack

    Not surprising really, many police departments in this country are filled with racists white supremacist types. Almost every cop I’ve ever met was a fucking racist!

    https://theintercept.com/2017/01/31/the-fbi-has-quietly-investigated-white-supremacist-infiltration-of-law-enforcement/

  • Indiepalin

    I searched for Colonel Klink and found at least 35 individuals in the United States with that name.

    • Rags

      There is exactly 1 person in the US with my name. I can always blame that person!!!!!!

    • phoenix00

      There is actually someone else with my exact name living in another suburb ~40 min drive away.

  • goonemeritus

    So there are bad people on all three sides now.

    • Daredevil

      JFK: Ask not what you can do for your country, but what your country can do for you.

      Obama: We are the change that we seek.

      Trump: Look at least the Nazis got a permit okay.

  • BadKitty904

    OT: Thanks, Republicans!!1!

    Charities Try to Help Oklahoma Teachers Survive Pay Collapse
    https://www.nytimes.com/aponline/2017/08/27/us/ap-us-departing-teachers.html?mcubz=0

    • Three Finger Salute

      The really troubling flipside of what’s ideally a nice story about charities helping people out is that it also gives credence to the GOP/Randroid dogma that “private sector funding” is better than taxes because it allows people to choose what causes are worth contributing to.

      Right, because education is something optional and unnecessary that should be at the whim of tip-jar monies and wealthy patrons bequeathing contributions after they fucking die. Same with healthcare. Put faith in God and/or Silicon Valley! Start a GoFundMe and read your Bible or just suck it up and die of cancer!

      Other countries must look at the U.S. and say “WTF” in their native languages.

      • Manders

        And, of course, it lets rich people waaaay off the hook:

        https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2013/04/why-the-rich-dont-give/309254/

        • Three Finger Salute

          “Why the rich don’t give”

          …because that’s how they stay rich.

      • BadKitty904

        It wasn’t meant to be a feel-good story. It’s meant to be a horrifying illustration of the contempt current American governments hold for education.

        Ignorant voters are easily controlled voters.

        ~ The GOP

        • Three Finger Salute

          Canada has a former schoolteacher as PM.
          Germany has a former chemist as Chancellor.
          France has a child prodigy and classical pianist as president.

          We have a onetime pro wrestler, beauty-pageant owner, and reality-TV game show host who loves “the poorly educated.”

          America, you failed. Bigly.

          • phoenix00

            He wasn’t even pro. He was brought in as a publicity stunt.

      • Roadstergal

        “Other countries must look at the U.S. and say “WTF” in their native languages.”

        A lot of them can say it in English, because there’s a lot of bi- and tri-lingualism outside of the US. Because they value education.

    • Yellerduck

      If only there were some mechanism by which communities could come together and, realizing that having an educated populace was beneficial to everyone, have everyone pay just a little towards having quality, free, public education for all their children. It could even be on a sliding scale based on, say, income, or property ownership! Ah, but I’m dreaming again, aren’t I?

      • BadKitty904

        Not if We the People want to make it happen. WE are the majority.

  • Upright Ape

    Id’a gone with the “Evil Nazi Twin” scenario, or maybe the “Good Kirk, Bad Kirk” transporter malfunction thing. That shit could actually happen.

    • george lastrapes

      Fellow told me once that he was virtually a physicist, or a virtual physicist, because he had never missed an episode of ‘Star Trek’! “Today’s science fiction is tomorrow’s science fact, that’s been proven,” he said, as he gave me a pitying look.

  • Canis Greyhame

    “The site was taken offline within hours of that conversation.”

    I’m sure it was just a coincidence. Why, those Bart Alsbrook imposters probably just forgot to pay their webhost fees at that exact moment, or something.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Marion in Savannah

      News about people shouting “Fuck Trump” is never OT.

      • MynameisBlarney

        *nods*

        • kareemachan

          Agreed.

      • BrianW

        It is known.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Trump gets 5000 people to show up and say “lock her up” while Eminem gets 90,000 people to PAY to see him, and to chant “fuck Trump.”

      • Roadstergal

        But Trump got Three Doors Down to play at his inauguration!

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg
  • elviouslyqueer

    Just spitballing here, but I’m guessing that “Nazi Punks Fuck Off” wasn’t part of ISD’s catalog.

  • Marion in Savannah
    • Three Finger Salute

      What is Trump’s ideology?

      “ME”

      That’s it.

    • Jeffery Campbell

      I need this construction explained: “president*.” I spent a lot of time looking for the footnote and not finding one. Perhaps that is the explanation.

      • Cliff Hendroval

        It’s like in the baseball record books where a player has a record, but he achieved it during a period where he was using banned performance enhancers. They’ll give him the record, but they’ll put an asterisk next to it to show that it was achieved through questionable means.

      • Marion in Savannah

        As a former sports writer Pierce puts an asterisk after President to indicate that Trump got the job by cheating/stealing, the way sports writers put asterisks next to Pete Rose’s records because he gambled on baseball.

        • Jeffery Campbell

          Thank you for that helpful explainer! I don’t follow the sports, so I was not aware.

  • marxalot

    It wasn’t me, it was the guys who stole my wallet, they Dark Web’d my identity in the 90s, I swear it isn’t me, they moved into my town to taunt me, they use my credit, they possess my body, oh no here we go again!

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      If only I had a nickel for every time that’s happened to me.

    • laineypc

      Also they hacked my SSN and bank account to make it look like the money was going to me.

  • Covfefe

    Colbert isn’t such a bad place. According to Wikipedia, pop is 1,065, but only 77 males for every 100 females.

    • mancityRed6

      yeah, but it’s still Oklahoma.

    • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

      And they’re all cousins.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    That wolf furry needs to feel the taste of dragonstone.

  • Persistent Demme

    Don’t wolves have enough P.R. problems as it is?
    NAZI WOLF LIBELZ!!!!

  • Villago Delenda Est

    It is such a coincidence, in the classic Auric Goldfinger sense, that all this shit points directly at Mr. Alsbrook.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      He wuz framed, dabnabbit!

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    My favorite conversation this week:
    Confederate flying a treason flag: “you just assume I’m a racist.”
    Me: “I’d say that’s a pretty safe bet considering you’re carrying a confederate flag.”

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Given that the Battle Flag of the Army of Northern Virginia was deliberately and with malice aforethought adopted as the symbol of white supremacism and segregation, it’s a sure bet.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I liked that he was hurt that I just assumed he was a racist. I asked him if he saw me walking around with a swastika tattoo if he might assume I was an anti-semite.

        • YoBunnyBunny

          He probably assumes every blah in hoodie is a thug, but I’m sure he is most judicious in judging people based on what they look like.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            There was a young lady standing nearby with a “BLM” flag. I never saw him exchange pleasantries with her the whole time we were there. I don’t think he’s a racist, though, I think he just wants to keep history alive. /s

          • BrianW

            Well of course he didn’t, that’s just common sense. Would you talk to your chair? (I mean, you would if you were Neil Diamond, but I’m assuming you’re not…)

        • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

          “Maybe I just like the flag” is the new “Maybe I just read this wackoff magazine for the articles”

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            He just wanted to preserve his heritage. Did you know that his granddaughter is barely being taught about the Civil War? I bet they tell her the South lost, too. Shameful!

    • clubseal

      You fight a war to preserve your perceived right to keep other humans as property one time …

  • Daniel Hooper

    This feels like it’d be akin to me saying, “Just because I’ve advertised my furry writing, have made several posts referring to myself as the self-appointed wolf demigoddess of retail, and my Disqus profile picture is my wolf fursona cos-playing as Amaterasu from Okami, there’s NO reason you should think I’m into furry stuff.” That just doesn’t work.

    • BouncyFlyer

      And yet, you get almost that exact wording from some dA/FA ar-teests.

  • The Librarian

    Wow, Bart surely has made enemies on all sides of the fence. It takes a special snowflake genius to pull that off.

  • Poly_Ester

    In a town called ‘Colbert’ how ironic.

  • Dolmance

    All dogs are Fascist.

    • phoenix00

      Rover libelz!!

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    Stop hitting myself in the face!….

  • Donna Schoenkopf

    Evan! You are sooooo funny!!! Love, Donna

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      are you Rebecca’s mom in Oklahoma?!?

      Hi, from one of the many people who call her site home.

      • doktorzoom

        (She is!)

        • BrianW

          Yay for the Editrix’s mom!

  • Ulricii

    I’m not sure the neo-Nazis and white power skinheads inhabit Bart’s body and control his thoughts, but it’s obvious they have a wiretap on his phone. How else would they know to shut down their phony Bart website right after he gets a call from a journalist about it?

    • Lance Thrustwell

      They are so devious!

  • Jeff Mc Donald

    Or, you know what?. You’re up late and just learning how to use one of those knew devices they are always coming up with. You know, the ones with smaller and smaller keyboards? Anyway, your fingers kind of slip, and the next thing you know…BAM! You’ve created a Nazi web-thing. It could happen.

    • Bad Tom

      And so, quite by accident, you have a new income stream.

      • george lastrapes

        But your evil twin keeps it all for himself. He’s the one they’re looking for.

  • pstockholm

    There are many sides to this story. Many sides.

    • clubseal

      There are many sides to this dodecahedron, many sides.

      • Bad Tom

        About twenty.

        • george lastrapes

          Only twelve. You’re thinking of an icosahedron. But twelve is plenty.

          • Bad Tom

            Actually, I’m thinking of a google query went awry.

          • My favorite sides are french fries and Tater Tots.

          • Bad Tom

            Google appears to consider the terms sides and vertexes as equivalent. That’s peculiar.

          • george lastrapes

            You’re righter than me. What a peculiar feeling! Soon as I posted it I had a tingling sensation! Part of the blame goes to Google, though.
            I remember edges,vertices,faces, for polyhedra. Polygons have sides. There is a formula, which I’ve forgotten, relates it all elegantly. But two sides of adjacent polygons make one edge. An icosahedron has 20 triangles, which have 3×20=60 sides in all, hence 30 edges.
            And each edge is part of a vertex on either end with each vertex being the intersection of 5 lines, making (2×30)/5=12 vertices.
            Ta-dah!

          • John Thorstensen

            I believe the pattern of a soccer ball is based on the deep relationship between the dodecahedron and the icosahedron. But then, I’m no mathematician — unlike Republican Congressmen, I’m a scientist.

          • george lastrapes

            I think I saw a video of a 12-hedron being ‘snubbed’ into a 20-hedron which was then snubbed to a 12-hedron. Don’t know the math terminology, but maybe ‘significant other’ is not wholly inaccurate.

          • Bad Tom

            If you’ve forgotten the formula, be careful how you ask Google.
            Heh.

          • Bad Tom

            “How many faces does a dodecahedron have” yields the correct results.

            Robots are so picky.

  • Sakonyachen

    That is some high level denial there. Is he going to contact the FBI to have them investigated for using his identity to fund hate groups?

  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    “You just need to call in Racist Keyser Söze, he’ll be able to tell you all about how it wasn’t me.”

  • Mahousu

    I’m working on the Bart Alsbrook Story right now. I figure I’ll take this and just change a few details: https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/f5779829b349b4eb021765863e5f628b6c0a9b6148667ecdc764910650adb987.png

  • Lyly Sirivong

    So Nazis have been using his name for decades to sell nazis memorabilia, and he never reported it? Okay…

  • Another code for you all. ISD = Ian Stewart Donald, lead singer of famous British Nazi band Skrewdriver, who ended his life in a car slamming into a tree in 1994 so OF COURSE ZOG assassinated him.

    • 3FingerPete

      That’s how they got Jim Clarke and Marc Bolan.

  • TundraGrifter

    Bummer.

  • 3FingerPete

    I’m impersonating Bart Alsbrook right now.

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      My day is incomplete if I don’t impersonate Bart Alsbrook at least three times before dinner.

    • Mike

      Please forward me all his info, I’ve got a hankerin to open a Gay Nazi website and don’t want to use my name or IP address.

  • CPav

    Too bad he doesn’t know anyone in law enforcement who could…you know…investigate the identity theft.

    • Bad Tom

      Yeah, I wondered, “Did the Honorable (Interim) Police Chief file a police report?

      Because anytime I experience a beat-down and robbery, I DO file a police report.
      ——-
      Even though I am not, personally, a police officer, reserve or main.

  • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

    It seems he would have filed a police report about his identity theft but filing false claims doesn’t always go so well…..
    http://www.denverpost.com/2017/08/28/denver-area-arrest-neo-nazi-stabbing/

  • progressiveredneck

    I named my cat Mittens, but every time I say Alsbrook it comes to me. Cover blown.

  • April

    A Furry who happens to be a Nazi. I guess they do ruin everything.

  • Petunia Cat

    On the story itself 😳 It has left me a gibbering mass of Jell-O. What in the living…

    Now on the picture of the furry, first gorgeous costume. The eyes! 😯😍 Secondly his gesture looks more like Stop in the Name of Love, than you know.

  • BeachBum

    Nice try Evan, but not taking the bait. I will not talk about OK economy, jobs, education, sales taxes, no Medicaid expansion, drug addition, or a GOP govt that pimped itself to the Oil Industry and fracking that causes earthquakes and will crash OK into the Centre of the Earth. Nope, not gonna do it.

  • NotALiar

    How fucked would it be if dude were telling the truth and he really did get his identity stolen by Nazis. Lol I’d be sooo pissed.

  • Viktor

    For those who are skeptical, it happened to me. Someone stole my wallet a decade ago and have assumed my identity. The person used my name and soc sec # to get a high paying job and has been depositing the money in my bank acct. Thief!

  • Mike

    I thought they chased bart out of the movement years ago, lol he should have thought to shut the sites down before taking a job as a police chief. He had to have known it might come up. Colbert is better off he was a dip shit as a skinhead and would be a worse cop.

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