s-m-r-t guy

Last night, while we were all rightfully losing out shit about Trump excusing authoritarian racism with the pardoning of Sheriff Joe Arpaio, Sebastian Gorka “resigned.” In a sternly worded nastygram clearly meant to point fingers at the globalist cucks attempting to bring civility to government, Gorka fingered the rise of “forces that do not support the MAGA promise” as his reasoning; however, White House sources released an official statement that more or less says he was told to fuck off.

Upon hearing that he was actually “You’re Fired” from John Kelly, or HR McMaster, Javanka, or whatever, Gorka called it “disappointing that someone wished to spin this.” Son of a bitch, does that mean Trump’s White House is lying?! WHOA, if true!

Apparently, Gorka has been on vacation and John Kelly decided to use the opportunity to pull Gorka’s security credentials, which is doubtless for the best; who knows what kind of office supplies would have been liberated on his way out?

In his resignation letter, Gorka says that he was pissed off after hearing Trump’s Afghanistan speech because at no time does he say the magic words “RADICAL ISLAMIC TERRORISM,” and that his lack of specific policy directives left him worried that Trump might spend another trillion Ameros making boom-booms in Not America looking for buried treasure.

The fact that those who drafted and approved the speech removed any mention of Radical Islam or radical Islamic terrorism proves that a crucial element of your presidential campaign has been lost… [T]he speech listed operational objectives without ever defining the strategic victory conditions we are fighting for. This omission should seriously disturb any national security professional…

Gorka’s tenure at the White House was mired in scandal from the beginning; nobody was ever sure what the hell he was supposed to be doing there. He held the title of Deputy Assistant to the President, but as a Bannonite who was brought over from Breitbart, his only job seemed to be to spread Islamophobia like a bad case of herpes. Earlier this month Gorka chastised the “fake news media industrial complex” after people wondered if the White House had ANY kind of statement on the bombing of a mosque. A few days later he was shit-talking REXXON for his attempt to calm American’s North Korean nuclear nightmares. Earlier this year Gorka was spotted wearing Hungarian Nazi insignia, which he attempted to pass off as family heirloom.

Describing himself as a foreign policy and terrorism expert, Gorka has never been able to offer any advice that didn’t send the other DC brain boxes into violent spasms of nerd rage. It’s long been accepted that terms like “radical islam” are akin to N-bombs in Muslim communities, fostering dissent among those most susceptible to extremists and ideologues. At a time when ISIS and other jihadi groups are retreating, having a fearmongering nationalist attempting to steer military strategy towards something resembling genocide is counterproductive (to say the least), especially when those same groups are actively using social media to encourage lone-wolf attacks at home rather than traveling to failing strongholds in Syria, Iraq, and Yemen.

Though we doubt we’ve heard the last of Gorka as he can easily head back to Breitbart or slither off to Sinclair, at least his influence has been muted. Good riddance to old trash.

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[Washington Exmainer / The Federalist / Yahoo News / The Daily Beast / NYTimes]

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  • SadDemInTex

    Please let Miller be next.

    • Me not sure

      Is there an on-deck circle in the White House personnel office? There should be!

      • A Bashful Nobody

        Or at least lots of bench players.

        • Me not sure

          All they have are third stringers.

          • SeeTrain65

            Quadruple-A players, all.

          • Me not sure

            I’d trade any of them for two bits and a can of clams to be named later.

          • SeeTrain65

            Hold on long enough and they’ll settle for an old rosin bag.

    • ManchuCandidate

      All of them Katie. All of them.

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    Check his Russian credentials on the way out – you know, if there’s a Gorka on the table in the first act, Chekhov warned us….

  • msanthropesmr

    Is that Spicer playing the bit part Nazi?

    • Me not sure

      You know that Spicer is still getting a paycheck from the American people. He still has his red Swingline stapler and a desk in the basement.

      • Shibusa

        I believe you have my stapler.

        • Me not sure

          “I’ll have to burn it down.”

        • H0mer0

          …and my mini fridge.

      • Phoenixdoglover

        Give him some bug spray.

      • Dudleydidwrong

        (Checked desk drawer) Yep, my red Swingline is still there, right next to the old Pilot that has “Property of USDA” engraved on it.

        Maybe Spicer is spending his days driving staples into the desk top.

      • “M”

        And his Easter Bunny suit.

      • Querolous

        Did he keep the mini-fridge?

        • Me not sure

          He stold it fair and square.

  • ltmcdies
  • CindyinEncinitas

    I bet he smelled like two-day-old brown gravy and flop sweat. They are going to have to leave the White House windows open for a solid week.

    • janecita

      There will still be the stale piss, and moldy fast food smell lingering around though.

    • jesterpunk

      The white house wasn’t being renovated this month, they needed an excuse to get everyone out to get rid of the smell from Bannon. They might have to do that again after Gorka left.

    • Nockular cavity

      That’s not gravy.

  • janecita

    Please Dear Lord, let this be the final straw for the Breibart idiots! I want an all out Breibart war against the administration.

  • Anna Rompage

    Next year’s season of Dancing With The Stars, The Trump Admin Flunky Edition, is really getting packed chock full of people

    • jesterpunk

      But can they dance as well as Rick Perry?

      • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

        I can’t bring myself to ridicule Perry or any of the other DWTS folks.

        My granddaughter is deep into dance — hip-hop, tap, modern, jazz — and she’s very good. When we went to visit last year, I asked her to teach me a dance and we will perform it for the family. I CANNOT DANCE! (She said I can’t bend either.) But I was willing to make a fool of myself to be part of her favorite thing.

        So, Rick Perry, a tip of the hat to someone else who doesn’t mind looking silly every now and then. As for that “oops” thing, you’ll never get past it.

        • “M”

          It’s not about him looking silly. It’s about him looking silly *while* having responsibility for nuclear weapons and not knowing anything about them or where they are.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      I hope to see them all on season one of “Dancing with the Special Counsel”

  • Scooby

    Let’s build some statues to Pope Uban II.

  • Deacon Blues Jack

    It’s amazing how much play this one’s getting of late. Since known nazi, Seb Gorka is out, it gets played again.

    • Persistent Demme

      My brother, (4-way, Suicide King), was a long time punker, but grew disgusted with all the wanna-be Neo-Nazi idiots that would plague his gigs.
      He wanted no part in encouraging them, and he quit.

      • Permit-holder Ron

        I still don’t get that. The original punks (at least the UK variety) were pretty blatant about being socialists, and dead-set against Thatcher’s Republican-esque Conservatives. Why would the neo-Nazis decide this was THEIR sound?

        • Persistent Demme

          Yes, you’re absolutely right.
          Both of my brothers started their whole punk thing as a rebellious act against Thatcherism (in the UK, as a matter of fact).
          I think the rebellious, outsider-y, and violent nature of the scene, and thrashy, out-of-control, sounding music (it’s so not!) must attract them.
          They have this romantic, anarchic, notion of punk that no longer exists. (Some of the original punks, like my brother, are in their 50’s now.)

          And the skins WANT to be abused and abuse others.
          I saw his band perform at CBGB’s once, and some young skinhead wanted him to tear up his, (the skinhead’s), shirt and spit on him.
          My brother was disgusted.
          It was one of his last performances.

          • Permit-holder Ron

            ‘Some of the original punks, like my brother, are in their 50’s now.’
            And yrs truly, a HUGE fan of the scene in Toronto, is in his 60s now. And just realised how little he’s changed in all those years.

  • ManchuCandidate

    We really are in the Mirror Mirror universe.

    In the other universe, Gorka is a clean shaven man who isn’t a fucking moron or a evil goatee villain and Trump is a actually fat pauper with big hands.

    • Deacon Blues Jack

      And Gorka does not have that goatee in that universe. We are truly in the darkest timeline.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        And actually knows something about terrierism.

    • Blackest Noobs

      that’s skinny pauper with big hands….you know…mirror mirror.

  • Tommy Beard

    We are going to have to start referring to Fridays as “Pink Slip day”. :)

  • memzilla Ω

    O/T: Current view of Harvey and expected rainfall amounts. Holy shit.

  • thixotropic jerk

    I for one will miss his Transylvania-esque accent and Old Country folksy neck-biting racisims but not his hypnotic unibrow staring tendencies the cuck never blinks! Scary!

  • Don’t be stupid, be a smarty
    Come and join the Breitbart party
    Heil to Trump
    Heil to he
    The Ubermensch
    Who’ll change our history
    Heil to Trump
    Raise your hand
    There’s no greater
    Dictator in the land!
    Everything he does, he does for you!
    White boy fascists and the KKK
    Heil to Trump
    Raise your beer
    Ev’ry hotsy-totsy Nazi stand and cheer

    • SeeTrain65

      “Springtime For Twitler: A gay romp with Donny and Mel at Mar-A-Lago …”

  • Latverian Diplomat

    No. 2 “Why were you fired?”
    No. 6 “I wasn’t fired, I resigned!”
    No. 2 “Not according to this alert from the orange guy”
    Alarm sounds, loudspeaker announces : “Orange alert, orange alert.”
    Rover emerges, pins No. 6 to the ground.
    The Incompetent Nazi Prisoner, rejected script.

  • memzilla Ω
  • Carpe Vagenda

    The generals are getting a little cranky too.

  • Paperless Tiger

    Radical Islamic Terrorists are the folks who live on the proposed pipeline routes. And the others, I assume, are good people.

  • David Chaillou

    Dude didn’t write any hidden message with the first letter of each paragraph of his resignation letter. So boring.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      So out of touch.

      • David Chaillou

        These alpha males are so used to just peeing on rivals, they never really learn to do words.

        • H0mer0

          too many lines and syllables for a Haiku, too much lack of meter for a limerick. Could be called free verse but it’s not that well-written.
          Is Hungary’s children learning?

          • David Chaillou

            There once was a guy from Hungary
            Who wore a pin like a common Nazi
            He’d got rid of the pajama boys
            But mean ol’ Kelly stole his toys
            And he slunk back to watching TV

          • H0mer0

            does the meter flow better in French?(good effort but I’m having trouble.)

          • David Chaillou

            Shit. Is it that bad? French is totally unsuited to limericks, as we don’t have stressed syllables. Guess my English is just accented in the wrong places

          • H0mer0

            your heart is in the right place and most people just ignore me so I appreciate your trying.

          • David Chaillou

            An oval office,
            Three dark birds fought for the fruit,
            Rotting in the rain.

    • Tishalicious
  • AJ Milne

    Ah. I see. Gorka has, again, been offering opinions on what might be the views ‘national security professionals’. This explains it…

    … also, if I look a little wobbly for a bit, it is, in part, because I had just felt a great disturbance in the force. As though a million people in sombre attire and conservatively-cut hair had just raised their middle fingers and said ‘fuck off, you blithering idiot’.

    (/Sure, yeah, the other part of the wobbly is mild hangover.)

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Does everyone anyone in this administration understand that they’re all supposed to be promoting the same policies? Am I missing something here?

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Policies? The Trump Maladministration is a tantrum, not a presidential administration. What goes for “policies” with Trump is better described by the expression “spiteful shit stomping”.

  • Shibusa
    • altleftjohn

      Who’s a good doggy?

      • CarrieTHanson


        Google is paying 97$ per hour! work for few hours and have longer with friends & family!
        On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
        ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialJobsCash521OfficeAccess/GetPay$97/Hour ★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★:::::!sq231l..,..

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      When I die, I would be a happy man if I could get one of my cats to do that.

      • TootsStansbury

        If mine new the sign said “Fuck you” he’d learn play along.

      • The Librarian

        One of my cats can get into one of my lower cupboards. Got to get him on board somehow.

        • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

          I had a cat that would open a lower cupboard just enough that he can go in there and sleep. He had several favorite cupboard sleeping places. My current cats would go in there and fetch items that looked like they needed to be taken out and played with. I put strong magnetic latches on them. They got even.

          • The Librarian

            Dare I ask how?

      • Gayer Than Thou

        Your cats are already probably thinking “fuck you,” if that’s any comfort.

        • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

          Well, TBH, I do get that look from them rather often.

    • SeeTrain65
  • Pat_Pending

    Breitbart out of the WH just means Breitbart operating as a satellite of the WH, where they can claim some level of ‘objectivity’. Gorka and Bannon are too icky to be in the light near the Tubby Eclipse Maker.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      You used the word “Brietbart”. Then you used the word “objectivity” in the same sentence.

      You were lucky this time. Please be advised that you put yourself and your community at risk when you do that. Mixing those two words can lead to a very powerful explosion.

  • weejee

    Have you sent your Congresscritter (House bit) an ITMFA pin? If not, then go here and send away. Impeach the MF already with a flag no less.

  • Royal Ugly Globalist Dude

    Never has the phrase, “Taking out the trash” been so apropos.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      There should be a short and sweet hash tag for that.


  • Lyly Sirivong

    Too batshit for the WH, that’s saying something.

  • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

    we learned in immigration class that there is still a law on the books preventing foreigners who believe in the Nazi ideology from entering the country.

    Guess who I thought of first when I heard that?

    • Canned Covfefe

      Well, that should change soon.

    • Red Bird

      How did the hurricane treat you?

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        no problems! i’m far from it – we might get some of the leftover rain and clouds.

        Thanks for asking!

    • Three Finger Salute

      I don’t know how true it is, but I’ve seen a meme going around that says there’s a law on the books preventing foreigners who believe in communism from entering the country. I hope it isn’t true, if only because the American definition of “communism” is basically “anyone to the left of Hitler.”

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        it *was* true, not sure if still is.

        • pstockholm

          Don’t think so. Family have applied for whatever visa thing it is that Europeans get. I do think they still ask you if you are a terrorist.
          I think the stupid might be more firmly rooted than we believed possible.

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            ah, thanks. I was just thinking I’d ask next week. He specifically said the Nazi thing was in effect still.

          • Changeling

            It was true when I was a kid, my parents said we couldn’t travel there. In 1999 I think I was still asked if I was planning terrorist acts or had been a member of a communist party. I personally hadn’t (I had been a pioneer, though).

          • Ducksworthy

            Republicans are OK?

          • Celtic_Gnome

            Hey, they ask if you’re a terrorist on the paperwork to buy a gun. You want that piece, you answer No to that question.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Wernher von Braun?

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        yup, special cases were made. Also, I don’t know exactly when the Nazi ban went into effect. It was there by ’54, IIRC, but probably immediate.

      • At least his credentials were bona fide, unlike Gorka’s.

        • Les Appentis De la résistance

          Gorka has impeccable Nazi credentials.

        • David Chaillou

          And he didn’t claim to believe in the ideology.

      • Jeffery Campbell

        How I love this, and all Tom Lehrer! Thank you.

  • The Librarian

    Gorka was just a pretender to the throne, trying to whisper horrible sounds in Trump’s ear. But no one tells Trumpy what to do. Bye bye Gorka. You’re lucky you didn’t lose your spongy head.

    • The Wanderer

      “No one puts Trumpy in a corner.”

  • WomanInThePersistence

    “First, may I say what a great opportunity this has been
    As a strong supporter of President Trump, this was an honor.
    Still, all good things come to an end.
    Considering the difficulties we’ve encountered, I feel that this was a success.
    It is with great sadness, then, that I offer my resignation.
    Some things require more dedication than I see happening.
    Therefore I am stepping down immediately.

    Sebastian Gorka”

    • Dudleydidwrong

      And then he goose-stepped down the White House driveway and into his waiting Mercedes.

      • eggs ackly-wright

        With Blondi nipping at his heels.

      • The Wanderer
        • Dudleydidwrong

          Missing: hakenkreuz flags on both front kotflügel vorne.

          • The Wanderer

            Sehr richtig, aber they’d interrupt that beautifully smooth fender contour.

          • puredog


          • The Wanderer

            I’m a tad busy and couldn’t think of the rest offhand. Sorry.

  • therblig

    sebaceous gorka lanced and drained.

    • Phoenixdoglover

      In a few weeks, people will say, “You had a gorka? You healed nicely.”

    • The Wanderer

      Bit of a shame – Trump really liked that pus.

      • Paul

        I think you misspelled pud.

    • SeeTrain65

      “The cyst-tem is failing.”

  • The Wanderer

    GORKA: Yeah, I chose all the furniture myself.

    CRUN: Mr Gorka, why did a seven-and-sixpenny window-seat cost two hundred and forty six pounds?

    GORKA: Ummmmm . . . I Resign! You speak to my secretary, you can’t talk to a Government Minister like that! I won’t be out of work long, you see! I’ll get that Ministry of Fishery job, you watch. I’ve kept goldfish!

    • kareemachan

      And in other news, 40,000 atlantic salmon escaped their pen in WA state….

      • The Wanderer



    The WF never actually said they fired him. Word is that Kelly had Gorka’s security clearance cancelled, meaning that it would be impossible for Gorka to do his job. Then Gorka resigned.

    • eyelashviper

      Kelly should revoke the security clearances of the majority of nitwits hanging out in the WH, starting with Miller and Kushner, then Ivanka, et al.

      • Three Finger Salute

        It’d be nice if someone could revoke Trump’s security clearance.

        Or at least his iPhone privileges.

        • The Wanderer

          To do that we’d have to resurrect his mother, and I lost my 20-sided dice years ago.

      • phoenix00

        You mean AOT,K?

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    The fact that those who drafted and approved the speech removed any mention of Radical Islam or radical Islamic terrorism proves that a crucial element of your presidential campaign has been lost

    Yes, because playing into the hands of our enemies and turning this into an anti-Islam crusade will work so well…

    • Three Finger Salute

      Other than the Spain attack, the loser ISIS wannabes have been very quiet lately. But nobody wants to talk about or say the words radical Nazi terrorism. Hm I wonder why that could be…?

      • The Wanderer

        IS is sitting back and taking notes on how to drive cars into crowds in a desire to emulate the fascisti.

  • This omission should seriously disturb any national security professional…

    Here’s where we point out that Gorka, with his fake PhD and lack of Arabic/Urdu/Pashtun language skills, was never a national security professional.

    • Cat Cafe for the Resignation

      He was a National Socialism professional, so close enough.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      He tried to lure ACTUAL experts on terrorism to some shindig he was hosting, apparently to give himself some cred.

  • Daniel

    Gorka’s qualifications certainly explain his fervent conviction in the power of magic words to fight problems of geopolitical significance.

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    It’s okay, Sebastian, Trump has no shortage of Nazi types with to surround himself….Stephen Miller, you’re up next!

  • kareemachan

    Bummer, dude.

    Or, alternatively, bummer dude.

  • Permit-holder Ron

    He should have gone with ‘I was fired.’ You get your unemployment cheque quicker that way,

    • Bad Tom

      Resigned or fired, no unemployment either way.

      • The Flaming Carrot

        Actually, he can apply for unemployment benefits on the grounds that he was “separated from service,” if D.C. law is like the law of most other states. Not that I’m going to tell him that. He can bloody well get a job at the next Anime convention as Krystallnacht Sparklebrony.

  • Jamalama

    The era of the Pajama Nazi is over.

    • eggs ackly-wright

      My Little Nazi – Krystallnacht Sparkle

      • Pisto75666

        Krystallnacht Sparkle Nazi is worst Nazi.

  • Granny Sprinkles

    Granny is very good at doing nothing and doesn’t have a PhD. Maybe I should apply for his job?

  • Xylem

    I’ll bet the place smells better already.

    • phoenix00

      Marginally. Costco can only sell you so much Fabreze.

  • Mavenmaven

    Perhaps it is a sign of the times, with all the conspiracy theories running around, but somehow I feel this is all gaslighting, and both Bannon and Gurka will be intentionally running things from Breitbart. Like they are there but with deniability.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Unless Kelly changes trump’s phone #, they will still be n contact. Lowendoski is still in the picture.

  • Hey, John Kelly seems to be a doing a good job of purging overt Nazis from the White House staff. If he could only fire his boss, the cleansing would be complete.

    Then we’d just be left with… closeted white supremacists determined to loot, pillage, and give all the things to corporations… hooray?

    • Daniel

      They keep sheets in those closets too, so spotting them can be tricky.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Just your standard everyday Rethugs who know better than to yell “Seig Heil!” in a crowded theater.

      • Pisto75666

        They mutter it under their breaths at public gatherings instead.

  • Starskee Suavé
  • Les Appentis De la résistance

    That’s DR. GORKA !!

    • FlownΩver

      “I didn’t go to evil foreign relations school for six years to be called ‘mister’!”

  • Strokes fat white persian*, clears throat, adjusts turtleneck: “I expect you to die, Mr. Bond.”

    *as in “cat”. Of course. What? Like Mr. “Western Civ to the ramparts” pussyhounds among non-western tail? C’mon, bruh…

  • John Smith

    “we were all rightfully losing out shit about Trump”

    The pruufreeder is drunkk agin.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Spellcheck is a cruel mistress.

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      “The piano has been drinking…”

      • And you can’t find your waitress with a Geiger counter.

    • SeeTrain65

      With all this bullshit going on, WHO COULD BLAME HIM?

  • Permit-holder Ron

    I think I’ve figured something out. Imagine this conversation:
    ‘I want a burger for dinner.’
    ‘But Mr President, you had a burger for lun…’
    ‘<sighs> Yes, Mr President. What do you want on it?’
    ‘Cheese an’ bacon an’ Big Mac sauce an’ onions an’ pickles. But the little round pickles, not those, whattaya call ’em, those gorka pickles.’
    ‘You mean…’
    [aide in next room] ‘Really? Okay, fine, type up the termination papers. Just as happy to see the back of that Nazi fuck, frankly.’

  • Opiwan

    Pretty sure his morning boom-booms are when the Derpident Twitterpates all over the intertubes, but I concede that there could be more than one way to boom…

  • NotALiar

    The Era of the Alpha Male is over.
    Long Live the Pajama Boyz.

    • Debra Dassow

      Buttery males

  • Lancelot Link

    Mrs Gorka still has her position at the Department of Homeland Security, shutting down anti-domestic terrorism programs

  • 3FingerPete

    As long as there are 24 hour cable news channels Gorka will still have an outlet for his snake oil.

    • phoenix00

      Alex Jones might get jelly tho…

  • Cape Traverse Observer

    don’t forget Gorkette !

  • theCryptofishist

    Post-it notes, in the best colors, and one really sweet stapler.

    • Pisto75666

      Plus a whole lotta liquid cement (for his own personal use, of course)

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Gorka should take up house painting.

    • JohnC44

      But only in thunderstorms.

  • The Flaming Carrot

    Can we deport him to Hungary? He’ll fit in quite well there.

  • The Truth

    No proof whatsoever that Gorka is a Nazi.

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      except that he wore the medal of a hungarian nazi group to a fancy event.

      And his words.

      But other than that…

      • The Truth

        You mean alleged ties with Nazis.

        Liberals didn’t have a problem with Sharpton being named race ambassador for the White House. They didn’t have a problem with Obama being friends with Robert Byrd.

        So again, do you have any proof Gorka is a Nazi? If you don’t then I can say Obama is a racist using the same reasoning.

  • memzilla Ω
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