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It’s Friday, Wonketariat! We’ve got lots and lots of newses ahead, so here’s some of the things we may be talking about today.

Mike Pompeo keeps looming over the CIA’s Trump-Russia investigation, making agents report directly to him so he can run to the White House in the middle of the night doing his best Devin Nunes impression.

Russia loves the “alt-right” websites and Twitter bots that keep pushing its propaganda state-sanctioned talking points.

How many times has Trump potentially obstructed justice trying to kill Trump-Russia investigations? It’s seven. Suck it, Nixon!

The “alt-right” talking heads and assorted basement dwellers are mad at John Kelly for tying Trump’s hands with tiny ropes to limit his access to conspiracy theories and junk like Breitbart.

Ryan Zinke is recommending that several national monuments be downsized so that people can hunt and fish on federal land that was protected specifically to save woodland critters and fishy friends from jerks who just want to scrape up what’s left of the country’s natural beauty.

Poor Paul Ryan needs to rein in his people in order to keep the debt ceiling from collapsing, just like John Boehner, and we all remember how that worked out for ol’ weepy.

Trump is trying to blame his failures on Mitch McConnell and Paul Ryan now that it’s becoming increasingly evident that Mexico won’t pay for the wall and people enjoy their Obamacare.

Trump’s been bitching on Twitter this morning about killing the filibuster rule in the Senate, as if a 51% majority would allow him to strong-arm Republicans into doing things they don’t want to do.

Chemtrail Kelli Ward might have some support from Mercer money and the Bannonites, but the jury is still out on who will be Jeff Flake’s primary challenger. Let the games begin!

The White House thinks it’s “ridiculous and outrageous” that Republican Sen. Bob Corker is stabbing them in the back by questioning Trump’s “stability” and “competence” like some damn, dirty Democrat.

Members of Mike Pence’s military detail were reassigned after they were caught bringing ladies back to their hotel PRESUMABLY for sexy times, but it’s possible they were simply in a missionary position.

The Secret Service clearly isn’t good enough to shit in the house as it’s spent $7,100 on portable toilets and $13,500 on golf carts while Trump was at his New Jersey trash palace.

Ronald Reagan will be inducted into the Labor Department’s Labor Hall of Honor for leading SAG through three labor strikes in the 1940s and 1950s that got actors health and pension benefits, NOT for that time he “You’re Fired” all the air traffic controllers and banned them from government for life for protesting low pay, long hours and crappy benefits.

Democrats are daring Trump to let the government default on its debt and shut down if he doesn’t get his Tortilla Curtain.

Federal workers are not happy Trump’s threatening to shut down the government if he doesn’t get his stupid wall, likening it to blackmail and pointless robbery as shutdowns only pick the pockets of taxpayers in the end.

Maine Republican Gov. Paul Le Page doesn’t think Sen. Susan Collins can beat him in a gubernatorial primary because she “has no idea” what she’s doing with his “mess.”

A federal judge won’t throw out Maryland’s voting map because it would “cause an unprecedented disruption in Maryland’s legislative and districting process,” and set precedents in other states (like Wisconsin) ahead of the 2018 election, and that has Maryland’s Republican minority moaning about gerrymandering. Oh that’s rich!

FOR THE NINTH TIME a Texas court has ruled that statehouse maps are intentionally discriminatory, and it’s ordered four huge counties to redraw their district maps into something less racist and gerrymandered.

Illinois Republican Gov. Bruce Rauner has “You’re Fired” his brand new comms staff for severely fucking up its response to a cartoon depicting rich white people screwing poor black kids out of desperately needed school funding in Chicago.

A Chinese national has been arrested for that massive OPM hack in 2015 that compromised 21 million current and former government employees and their families. [Video]

That one Ohio county without insurance just found an insurer, which blows big, fat holes all over Paul Ryan’s ACA talking points.

Aetna exposed HIV status of 12,000 people in 8 states and DC after it used the wrong envelopes, but they’re super sorry.

Gary Cohn won’t leave the White House, telling a fancy pants business news rag, “As a Jewish American, I will not allow neo-Nazis ranting ‘Jews will not replace us’ to cause this Jew to leave his job. I feel deep empathy for all who have been targeted by these hate groups. We must all unite together against them.” [Archive]

Sad, crying neo-Nazi clown Chris Cantwell is being held without bond by Virginia police for malicious bodily injury by means of a caustic substance, and two felony counts of illegal use of tear gas in connection with violence in Charlottesville. I wonder which prison gang he’ll join?

Roger Stone thinks there will be a civil war if Trump is impeached because “rat fuck” assholes like Roger Stone keep screaming about another civil war if Trump is impeached.

Herman Cain just had to remind us that he’s a crazy person in a mind numbing rant (that completely misses the point) over a historically black Detroit paper calling Dr. Ben Carson a “House Negro,” for empowering and excusing Trump’s bigotry.

And here’s your late night wrap-up! Weekend Update had a cold open with Alec Baldwin’s Donald TrumpConan O’Brien talked about VEEP insults with the freakishly tall Timothy Simons; and The Daily Show noticed the different types of Trump.

And here’s your morning Nice Time! ADORABLE MONGOOSE BABIES! They’re so cute you’ll puke rainbows!

It’s for readers like you that we skip showers and shaves to furiously write your favorite ‘splainers and newses, so why not give us all your money?

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  • Nounverb911
    • NotDarkYet

      Someone invent something like that! Pronto!

      • Joe Beese

        My wife and I were friends with a guy who runs a coffee shop. I told him, “If you could make every sip of coffee feel like the first one, you would become a very rich man.”

  • Nounverb911
    • Lance Thrustwell

      dafuq?

  • NotDarkYet
  • Nounverb911
    • NotDarkYet

      poetry in motion!

    • grindstone

      You cannot prevent the wind, but you can catch a 15-lb beach umbrella to the face in a 20-knot gust.

    • TundraGrifter

      I like the way one guy starts forward to try to catch one and then thinks “Nah – I’m good.”

  • Nounverb911
  • TundraGrifter

    Herman Cain? His record in business isn’t as well-documented as Mr. Trump’s – but it sure doesn’t look good.

    • JMP

      His record in grabbing unwilling employee’s genitals, on the other hand, is comparable to Donnie’s.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Also grabby with the ladies, also too.

  • Nounverb911
    • JMP

      That’s how the government is supposed to react to a major natural disaster, dumbass.

  • La forza del resistino

    If these guys caught a whiff of oil near the Grand Tetons, they’d be renamed the Moderately Sized Tetons by next month.

    • TheGrandWazoo2

      Milk ’em for all their worth.

      • TundraGrifter

        ISWYDT

      • grindstone

        I hope the company that does that winds up flat busted.

        • Querolous

          Never let it be said that Wonketeers ever lacked for puns.

  • Joe Beese

    Oh, please don’t dare Trump to default on the national debt.

    • Right? Oh the other hand, it killed Gingrich’s career, and it gagged Ted Cruz.

      • Joe Beese

        Not a government shutdown. That we’ll survive.

        A default on the debt? No es bueno.

      • Nounverb911

        I read on the internets that Gingrinch is pitching ‘The Real Housewives of the Vatican’ to Fox…

    • PubOption

      He’s defaulted on all his other debts.

    • TundraGrifter

      There’s a huge difference between shutting down the government (the GNoP has done that before) and defaulting on the national debt (which Mr. Trump has talked about – directly and indirectly). Plus the President does have a record of “renegotiating” debt he was personally responsible for and defaulting through his corporations.

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      No big, he’ll negotiate a great deal and we’ll pay pennies on the dollar.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “Guys, guys, it’s time to behave and act responsibly now. I know you elected me to be the ‘fun speaker’ and I’ve tried to be but it’s time to be serious. I mean it, stop messing with the economy. Put it down, you’re gonna break it. Don’t make me call your parents the Koch brothers. I’ll do it. I’ll call ’em. Here’s my cell phone. I’m calling ’em…oh come on guys!”
    Babysitter Speaker Paul Ryan

    • Msgr_MΩment

      “Don’t make me turn this Congress around!”

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        Now I’m picturing Ryan’s car swerving as he tries to drive and swats behind himself, hitting whatever kid congresscritter he can reach regardless of who’s kicking the back of his seat.

  • Nounverb911
    • Joe Beese

      Picturing Mueller shaving before heading into the office, quietly singing “Brass in Pocket”:

      I’m special
      So special…

      • Lance Thrustwell

        He’s gonna get some of Trump’s attention.

  • DrBigHead

    As long as the General Mining Act of 1872 is in place, the National Monuments aa they are currently delineated are in grave danger. In my neck of the woods, a mining company is arguing that the designation of the Ironwood Forest National Monument was an unauthorized “taking”, because it restricted their use of PUBLIC land for their mining operation. It will be interesting to see how this plays out, but with my layman’s understanding of the Mining Act, they have a legitimate case.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Headlines from the future: Despite being made from coal, America’s newest currency, the Trumpbuck, is so fire resistant as to be useless for fuel. Since it is also far too abrasive for use as toilet paper, Americans have yet to find a use for the worthless bills the government keeps issuing.

  • Texas: Welcome to how the rest of us feel under Trump…
    (thoughts and prayers…) https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/8f97658fce87723767f18485507060c1558e77cf8e4bfdb231e803256ddb7317.png

    • Nounverb911

      Does trump own any golf courses in Texas?

    • Joe Beese

      I can imagine the reluctance to abandon my home to major damage, only to face the stress and expense of a massive evacuation. But seeing that picture would clear that up pretty quickly.

      • grindstone

        I’ll help you imagine. The warning sirens on the gulf beaches are designed to sound like the tortured souls of the damned. They are discordant to the point of setting your nerves ablaze. So while you’re loading the cars, and maybe throwing up a board or seven and securing any loose items in the yard, you are listening to this godawful wailing sound.

        When we evacuated, we had an infant, so our main car was full of formula, distilled water, wipes, playpen, diapers, toys, clothes, plus dog crate and dog food. Not much room for personal mementos. Do you try to lift the furniture up off the floor? Do we have time?

        The cops roll through to make sure you’re evacuating, but then there are cars that you know don’t belong in your neighborhood. They’re scouting houses to rob. Oh look, our neighbors are going to “ride it out”…do we say goodbye?

        Do you have enough gas in the cars? Do we have cash? Once the power goes, no gas pumps or ATMs or credit card use. How badly are the roads blocked? Go too early and you may drive into the path of a turning storm. Go too late and you may get stuck. Then you drive off, and look behind you, and realize you may have seen your house for the last time. All this happened 12 years ago for me, and it can still affect me.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Fuck.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      I understand that Mexico paid for it.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Warmer water+warmer air = a shitload more rain.
      Denialists will deny it, even as their houses float away.

      • Historicat

        I’m so looking forward to suddenly owning waterfront property!

    • chortlingdingo

      I’m supposed to get up to 24″ of rain. Here’s hoping I don’t float away!

  • Crystalclear12

    I realize that you have to eat an elephant one bite at a time but couldn’t they cannibalize each other a little bit quicker?

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    I discovered this about 7 hours ago….
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zHU2RlSCdxU
    It is now my canned response to tRump supporters.

    • PubOption

      Ten hours? Far out, man.

  • JMP

    Poor Nazis! What did this idiot think, that because he’s white he could forever get away with blatantly violating the law as continually assaulted people who dared to disagree with his Nazi hate? While America’s justice system is pretty fucking racist, it ain’t that racist.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Yep, let’s take one of the most remote and beautiful places on the planet and encourage a bunch of inbred Mormon hillbillies to fuck it up with ATVs, deface Native American heritage sites, and kill everything on four legs. What says “stewardship” more than that? Fuck me.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “Sounds bad, but can we have the bottled water concession on that action?”
      — Nestlé

  • PubOption

    So Zinke is taking the lead in opening national monuments for mining.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      He’s too mercurial for the job, if you ask me.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        He’s obviously out of his element…at least periodically.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Is there any way for Congress to stop the mining industry’s radon the national monuments?

        • FlemmishSpy

          They’ll have to overcome our tin horn dictator wannabe.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          It will take some serious alchemy from the liberal base.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      As long as we can start mining former Russian ambassadors for polonium.

    • Nounverb911
      • Persistent Demme

        Ugh!
        Trump and his GD ties!

    • grindstone

      He has the metal for it.

    • FlemmishSpy

      I’m sure he can Iron out any problems.

    • TheGrandWazoo2

      Coaled blooded.

  • Ellie

    Thanks for the tiny Rikki Tikkis. Makes the fresh hell of today with Donnie, easier to bear.

    • LucindathePook

      Motto of the mongoose family: Run and Find Out

  • Elvis Causticfellow

    I don’t know where to start or where to begin.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Perhaps there is somewhere you can commence?

    • Just establish your axioms…

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste
    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Not to mention where it all may end or what the path will lead through before you get there.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    One of the minor sins of this Administration has been further normalizing St. Ronnie of the Raygun. If I see that graphic with pix of various Presidents, thanking them for being great Presidents, except of “Not You” #45, which includes Ronnie as one of the “great” ones, I’ll vote some voting mothervoter right in the ballot box.

  • MrTusks

    So who, exactly, will “rebel” against the government to the extent the conflict is given the dignity of the “Civil War II” title?

    • Permit-holder Ron

      As near as I can tell, the… government itself? This is confusing.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    Sarah Palin would like Hurricane Harvey to be nicknamed Hu-Ha.

  • bupkus231

    Herman Cain not only misses the point, he has BEEN besides the point since “999” and “Uzbeki – stan – stan – stan”. He has shown he has no ability to understand any point other than “Hey, Look at me!”

    • Permit-holder Ron

      And yet that exact same inability catapulted the most unqualified person on the planet into the Oval Office.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    No music for the mongoose babies? Fine, I’ll just assume it’s death metal.

  • MynameisBlarney
  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    OT but LOL-worthy: Trump, who never loses, loses (again) in court.
    http://fortune.com/2017/08/15/donald-trump-itrump-trumpet-app/

    • Alan

      They’re used to getting what they want by being bullies.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        When you represent Trump, being right is rarely an option.

    • bupkus231

      Never mind iTrump – I want that iBone app, and I don’t even own a smart phone…

    • cmd resistor

      Great story. HAHAHAHAHAHA.

  • La forza del resistino

    As a hurricane and storm surge target TX, Donald vows to build a seawall and have the Gulf of Mexico pay for it.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “Neptune’s treasures will be mine!”
      Caligula Donald Trump

      • Ghenghis McCann

        Caligula translates as ‘Little Boots. What would ‘Little Hands’ be in Latin, Manicula?

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

    Ryan Zinke can bite my winkie.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Herman Cain would have been a better president than trump. Let that sink in.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      The thing about Herman Cain is that he was batshit crazy in a way that made people go “Whoa! That guy’s batshit crazy! What’s he doing running for president?”, while 45 is batshit crazy in a way that makes white stupid people go, “Whoa! Let’s get us some batshit crazy in the White House and see what happens!” All in all, I prefer batshit crazy folks who don’t make it past the primaries.

      • puredog

        Also, batshit crazy honkie trumps batshit crazy blah. Nothing to see here, move along.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Trump Dept. of Interior motto: “When You’ve Seen One National Park or Monument, You’ve Seen Them All.”

  • Ryan Zinke Wants To Kill All The Cute Critters

    “Whew! We’re safe”. — Republicans, Everywhere
    http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSe9_tk9j-Pzg6Qa0__ihIc1G0jxpubmiIksLa0NF_Nl4GIRV9y

  • Bill D. Burger

    Trump Tower Yellowstone……sweeeeeeeeeet’!

    • From Russia With A Permit

      Trump Devil’s Tower Wyoming!

  • Alan

    Herman Cain defending Ben Carson? Priceless. Who is dumber?

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Permit-holder Ron

      Y’know, I used to get a new pair of thick warm socks every Christmas, back when I wore socks. It was a Christmas tradition, based off a gag in ‘Merry Christmas, Mr. Bean.’ I miss it.

  • MynameisBlarney
  • Longstreet63

    Well, obviously, if you want to preserve wildlife, the best way to do it is through taxidermy.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      He decided that vertical stripes looked better?

  • Antonin Dvorak

    In some much needed nice time, Democrat Dawn Euer won her special election for an open seat in the Rhode Island state senate. While this seat was vacated by a democrat, Euer won by nearly 20 points while running as a progressive. As a lawyer, she was part of the team that spearhead the push for Marriage Equality in the state, back in 2013.

    http://ripr.org/post/dawn-euer-wins-special-election-ri-senate-district-13#stream/0

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    Herman Cain’s only claim to fame is running a pizza chain that I thought went out of business over 25 years ago.

    • Elvis Causticfellow
      • From Russia With A Permit

        His tag is CO.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        Awwwwww, shucky ducky.

    • Longstreet63

      Oddly, there are some around, and a new one was built not far from me recently. I remember quite enjoying their pizza about 1982, but Herman is kinda standing between me and finding out how the modern product is.
      Although I know he’s long retired from them.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        He probably still has stocks. If in doubt, avoid it.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Everrett Fanuelli

      It’s a check from a Capital One bank account. I find that to be hilarious. The Federal Government has a checking account with Capital One Bank. Do they have a savings account with Wells Fargo?

      • Permit-holder Ron

        Yes, but they don’t know it.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Note which transaction got the photo-op.

  • Have Texas Trump Supporters in Texas begun evacuation yet?
    https://i.imgflip.com/1upjop.jpg

    The body is mostly water it can’t hurt you

    • cats530

      “They all float down here,” Pennywise.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    If you’ve never been to southern Utah, go now, before Trump turns it into Cleveland. Seriously, it’s the most stunning place I’ve ever been…nature in it’s wildest, most challenging, unpredictable form. Many of the outrages of the Trump administration-horrific as they are-can theoretically be corrected by future sane government. But once our public lands are gone-sold off, given to mining and ranching cronies, fenced off for Trump golf resorts-they’re gone for good.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      I have hiked Canyonlands. I am in agreement.

    • Longstreet63

      Well, clearly, then, if it’s so beautiful, it could use a lot more roads and cart paths so paying customers can look at it if they care to raise their heads from their phones as they are transported to the ticket office.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        I’m hoping to land the Shoot Up A Native American Petroglyph concession myself.

        • Longstreet63

          And when the old shabby originals are finished, you can have new ones made in China! See, Native Americans, we are preserving your heritage and you still complain!

    • Permit-holder Ron

      I have been there. Unfortunately it was at 10PM.

  • La forza del resistino

    Someone needs to tell Donald, that a govt shutdown will require him to hitch a ride in a Uber car the next w/e to get to his dump of a country club in Jersey

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste
    • Elvis Causticfellow

      Yay tits!

      • Ghenghis McCann

        Whoever named a mountain Big Tit must never have seen a woman in a long long time.

        • Longstreet63

          It’s a long walk to those from Montreal…

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      “Pfft. We can pile mining waste at least that high!”
      — Amalgamated Consolidated Mining Corp.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Trump reimagines our national monuments.

    https://i.ytimg.com/vi/0-lVa7aEkNU/hqdefault.jpg

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      When did we carve out a naked mole rat monument?

      • Latverian Diplomat

        “Don’t ask me, I just blindly obey my queen.”
        — A Naked Mole Rat

    • SpideySenser

      Needs moar gold-plate.

    • Jeffery Campbell

      How much wood, could a woodchuck chuck….

      • mardam422

        All of it, Katie.

    • cats530

      The many heads of the hydra getting ready to rip a big fart.

  • cmd resistor

    OT, but here is the presidential schedule today, as posted on his FB page. Another grueling one.
    schedule for Friday, August 25th:
    Daily intelligence briefing
    Meeting with Secretary of State Rex Tillerson
    Travel to Camp David

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Slumming it at Camp David?

      • cmd resistor

        That’s the first I heard he was going there — not sure why. Last week he just dropped in for his national security meeting and left.

      • From Russia With A Permit

        It’s more of a shithole than the dump he lives in.

        • Latverian Diplomat

          Not a single tree there is properly gilded!

      • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

        My guess is that it has something to do with the Secret Service being broke.

        • Courser_Resistance

          Agreed. Can you imagine someone having to tell Cheeto that’s already burned through the Sec Serv budget for the year and he can only be at his NYC place or Camp David for the rest of the year outside of state business?

          Also too, they can control him somewhat better in those environments. Who can see him, etc. He may still tweet but he may be somewhat isolated from shit that pisses him off.

        • Unhappy Fingers

          If I thought Cheeto-head actually had a brain and was willing to listen to his advisors he might have gone to Camp David in order to keep tabs on the situation in Texas from Harvey. But evidence for him having a brain and being willing to listen is in short supply for me…….

      • cmd resistor

        Politico published a schedule with times. So, an early start to the weekend, it looks like. I read somewhere else that flight restrictions through Sunday. He’s taking Melania to Camp David but no mention of the poor kid, who actually seems to enjoy it there.

        10:30 a.m.: President Donald Trump will receive his daily intelligence briefing in the Oval Office.
        11:30 a.m.: Trump will meet with Secretary of State Rex Tillerson in the Oval Office.
        3 p.m.: Trump and first lady Melania Trump will depart the White House en route to Camp David.
        3:30 p.m.: Trump and the first lady will arrive at Camp David.

    • Permit-holder Ron

      Makes you wonder how much damage he could do if he actually put in a full day’s work. Hell, a full MORNING’S work.

    • Roni Raven, Undercovfefe Agent

      Jesus Christ, I have a more grueling workday ahead of me.

      • cmd resistor

        They used to post times for the various things but I guess this way we are supposed to think those “meetings” take a LONG time instead of 5 minutes.

        • From Russia With A Permit

          In fairness, it might take quite a while to wake Tillerson up.

          • SpideySenser

            Dude will never be “woke”.

      • From Russia With A Permit

        So do I, and I’ve been retired since 2015.

      • SpideySenser

        Ditto, although I must say having to sit in the same room with Rex would really stress me out. And ruin any pleasant thoughts I might have had for the weekend.

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      My schedule for Today:
      Punch in at work.
      Log onto to Wonkette, check the Wonkagenda.
      Have a snack.
      Log back into Wonkette, get miffed that there are no new posts.
      Work.
      Lunch.
      Log back into Wonkette, post a comment about my lunch.
      Go home.

      • Longstreet63

        Mine involves a project the normal project managers have been forcing me to be in charge of while simultaneously ignoring everything I say about it.

        • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

          Micromanaged within an inch of your life. Of course! And you will be blamed when it goes pear shaped.

          • Longstreet63

            Here at Large Company, our primary product is the apportionment of blame!
            Also, I guess we sell something to people.

    • President in Exile Firefly

      And here I thought I was lazy…

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Camp David? He just got back from over two fucking weeks of golf and teevee.

      • cmd resistor

        Well, they say he will be “working.”

    • SeeTrain65

      Daily Intelligence Briefing: Once they find out he has none, they adjourn.
      Meeting with Sec. of State Tillerson: New orders received from Moscow.
      Travel to Camp David: Construction of the golf course on schedule.

  • Nounverb911
    • Msgr_MΩment

      He seems… like he’d fit right in in the Pence Administration.

      • Elvis Causticfellow

        So if Pence moves into the WH, does he force his ex-boss to remarry Ivana or Marla? (I know–BOT, K)

        • Querolous

          Ivana. The other two get stoned (and not in the good sense.)

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      The couples therapists of Chechnya send up a rousing huzzah.

    • From Russia With A Permit

      Never trust anyone with a beard like that.

      • Jeffery Campbell

        Rasputin LIBELZ!!!!!11!!!!1

    • Persistent Demme

      John Oliver will be ON this!

      • phoenix00

        He’ll be forced to marry his long-lost cat!

    • Jamoche

      Lemme finish the sentence where it’s cut off for you – children of divorced parents wish they’d done it so much earlier; before you “stay together for the kids” maybe you should ask them what they think.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THAT STUPID FUCKFACE?

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      I mean, it’s not even in accordance with Islamic law, which allows divorce and does NOT force couples to get back together just for funsies.

    • Man that guy. Also he looks like Ramsay Bolton with a beard.

  • Permit-holder Ron

    As I recall, MD has one of the highest standards of living in the US, scoring near the top of any metric you care to choose. I guess the GOP figures it can fix THAT if they ever get the chance.

  • Nounverb911

    DOnnie seems extra confused this morning….

    https://twitter.com/JessicaHuseman/status/901079345736896512

  • Nounverb911
    • PubOption

      Obviously not bat country.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        A poor destination for the bat-shit crazy.

      • SpideySenser

        Guano LIBELZ!

    • Unhappy Fingers

      The Guardian article about the protest was headlined “Turd Reich.”

  • Me not sure

    One of Georgia’s two statues in Statuary Hall at the US Capitol is Confederate Vice-President Alexander Stevens, who gave the infamous “Cornerstone Speech” declaring slavery to be the cornerstone of the CSA. Yesterday his closest living relatives requested it be removed. The ball is now firmly in the court of the Legislature and the Governor. Any Georgia Wonkers need to contact the Governor’s Office and apply pressure. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e473c54e195f8132545ad0b79cfb48bde650ae8ffaca4427c5a11f7d45a4936a.jpg

  • Carpe Vagenda

    Fun fact: Eric Prince’s parents bought him a spot at the US Naval Academy. He washed out after three semesters. Then his parents bought him a degree at Hillsdale Wingnut Finishing School.

    He first attended the Naval Academy, but soon began considering other
    academic paths. The Deputy Commandant of the Academy said if he left he
    would amount to nothing. “Having to go to class at the Academy and having to be kind of on guard
    from the statist nonsense that was coming from some of the professors,
    it was nice to go to Hillsdale and be able to listen, relax, and not
    feel like I had to argue,” Prince said in an exclusive Collegian
    interview this month.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2b1ce004d36881169e95b5185b5bfa4cb28a687f260e15c74d52dee8f30e4c14.png

  • SpideySenser

    Are Usay and Quday behind the Zinke recommendations? Inquiring minds want to know!

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      If there’s an endangered animal to be murdered, the Trump boys are ON IT!

  • mailman27

    The cobras in Chester will not sleep well tonight.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
  • Bill D. Burger

    Just FYI: Today is the National Park Service’s birthday. Entrance into our national parks is FREE!
    If you can, go and enjoy one before there’s a Trump Tower and a time share development underway.

    • puredog

      For the olds here, in an offer that expires on August 28 (I believe it is), if you are over 62 you can get a lifetime Senior Pass for $20. It’s good for all national parks and rec areas, admitting you, your vehicle, and its occupants for free. (You might be able to get it for $10 if you go to an actual national park or rec area to pick it up — not a field office; the 10 extra bucks are for processing a mail-in or online application. Not sure about this.)
      https://store.usgs.gov/senior-pass

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Going to $80 on Aug. 28.
        There’s a huge rush to get ’em while they’re cheap.

        • Canned Covfefe

          $80 will still be amazing for life time but I have the $20 and I won’t have the $80. Phew!

      • therblig

        cool. as of yesterday, i qualify.

      • therblig

        just bought mine. spent yesterday cycling in PA and NJ state parks along the delaware. how anyone would want to fuck with this natural beauty is beyond me.

        from the PA side:
        https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/0bba68a0f299632c49b315d9ef25d43d17bee9fff083b9f4113f554ae096f31a.jpg

  • Notreelyhelping

    Okay. Dwarf mongeeses are a little cute.

    • Mpeg

      I’m starting to believe I could live at Chester zoo, and never be sad again. So many cutenesses…

  • Canned Covfefe

    I know you warned us but now I have glitters all over my tablet.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • I’m esp freaked out this Friday as nothing much has happened since tuesday.

  • Mpeg

    I think Dominic’s summary of the Pompeo story is my Favorite <3

    … wait, do I have to go actually click and read the story now?

  • Marion in Savannah

    SQUEEE!!! The babby Rikki-Tikki-Tavis have many, many cutez.

  • mardam422

    What’s the plural of mongoose? Mongi? Mongooses? Mongo? Mongeese?

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I was wondering the same thing.

    • therblig

      they just pawns in game of life

    • Red Bird

      Mongeese. They kill snakes.

      • mardam422

        What do regular geese kill?

        • phoenix00

          My sanity. Gawd that constant honking.

    • Wolf Tracker

      More than one goose is geese so Mongeese?

    • natoslug

      Hippopotami.

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        Heh

    • Occupied Territory of Kavefish

      Mongaloose

    • SeeTrain65

      Mengoose.

      Or is it Peoplegoose? Now I’m confused.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
  • Carpe Vagenda

    Our national media, folks: Slate’s Jack Shafer, now providing his signature godawful hot takes at Politico, thinks it’s hunky dory that the WSJ is cooking the news for Trump because it’s good for the EIC’s career.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Sure, that’s the important thing about journalism – making sure someone advances their career. Yesterday, Tom Brokaw called out “president” Trump on his irresponsible comments about the media. I still can’t believe this moron is in charge of the country.

  • Persistent Demme

    When I was in Hawaii, I noticed plenty mongooses.
    Are they native, or were they imported, Australia-style?
    Do they serve a purpose?

    • VirginiaWackelpudding

      Imported to eat all the rats? I think rats, but now they eat all the exotic species.

      • Jonny On Maui

        Imported is correct!

    • TundraGrifter

      When you were in Hawaii, did you see a shrine at Pearl Harbor for the brave Japanese pilots who died there on December 7, 1941?

      • Persistent Demme

        Ha, ha!
        (Crying on the inside.)

  • TundraGrifter

    This is an interesting article:

    https://www.citylab.com/life/2017/08/in-gettysburg-the-confederacy-won/537756/

    The comments are both enlightening and very sad. There sure are a bunch of dumbfucks in America today.

    Does anyone else remember the brouhaha when plans were announced to put up a statue of Crazy Horse at the Little Bighorn Battlefield? I mean, he won, didn’t he? And why was that Park named for the loser? Why in Wyoming is it the “Fetterman Massacre Site?”

    When the First Americans lost it was a battle – Wounded Knee, for example. There’s pretty much only the “Sand Creek Massacre” when the First Americans were wiped out – and that wasn’t a fight, that was a slaughter.

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      Ugh. Those comments are just awful.

  • TundraGrifter

    “Ronald Reagan will be inducted into the Labor Department’s Labor Hall of Honor…”

    Here’s another view of his time as the SAG President:

    http://moldea.com/ReaganRedux.html

  • natoslug

    Regarding the SS and golf carts — can’t they just walk? Sure, the President is in a cart, but if he wants his orange lardy ass protected, he’d have to drive it at the walking pace of his security detail. I’m guessing he’d find a way to make free or reduced-cost carts available to his SS detail PDQ.

    • AmazingProfessionalCrastinator

      They should be free to the SS anyway. He owns the damn things, so it’s not like he it’s costing him anything.

    • Maybe they’re paying for peestain’s cart?

  • Why do the mongeeses look like they were created with stop-motion photography? Is the mongoose really just an invention of Willis O’Brien?

  • We must all unite together against them.
    Agreed, Gary! Now mention that to your boss, eh?

  • phoenix00

    So I know Mongoose eat snakes.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Arrest Roger Stone !!! You know you like that.

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