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Kelli Ward, Super-Patriot

Ever since Donald Trump decided he doesn’t like Arizona’s junior senator, Jeff Flake, who wrote a mean book about him but voted to kill Obamacare anyway, there’s been a brief mini-surge of articles explainering who this Kelli Ward person is, since she’s the most attention-getting of the Republicans running against Flake in next year’s primaries. Before his Burn-It-All-Down Phoenix rally, Trump came close to endorsing her last week in a Tweet, because her entire campaign strategy has been to attach herself like a remora to Trump’s plankton-rich underbelly:

So who is Kelli Ward? She’s like John Galt without the railroads or the rape, but if you gave her a chance, she could probably produce a 90-page speech that most readers would give up on. Before Trump made her Twitterfamous with his mention, she had most recently come to national attention when she responded to the news of John McCain’s cancer diagnosis by calling on him to resign, because she’s a doctor and in her professional opinion McCain needs to quit since he’s gonna die and his brain will go bad, and by the way could she please be appointed to serve out his term? She’s a prime rightwing nutcase, and for the sake of truth in labeling laws, she really should help out voters by changing her name to “Michele” with one L, although we suppose Kelli with an i could become its own special thing.

Ward, a former state representative from Lake Havasu City, ran against McCain for the Senate in 2016, and lost that primary big-league. Even before McCain’s cancer was diagnosed, she was running on her Expert Medical Opinion that John McCain was old. In one TV appearance, she offered this compassionate case for leaving Senator Grumpypants out on an ice floe, for compassion’s sake:

He has gotten weak. He has gotten old. I do want to wish him a happy birthday. He’s going to be 80 on Monday, and I want to give him the best birthday present ever — the gift of retirement … I’m a physician. I see the physiological changes that happen in normal aging, in patients again and again and again over the last 20, 25 years. So I do know what happens to the body and the mind at the end of life.

For some reason, the many retired Republican voters of Arizona didn’t flock to her argument that John McCain’s palm flower had turned black and it was time for him to go to Carousel. Ward’s run came to a disappointing end in a 51% to 39.9% thumping, after which she delivered a super-gracious “concession” speech that went like this:

Sadly, the establishment has won this battle by spending untold millions to call me liberal, dangerous, and weak […] After refusing to debate while running a slash and burn campaign devoid of actual ideas, I hope the senator can rest comfortably with his conscience as he continues to lecture others about civility.

So you can see why Trump might like her.

Ward’s other claim to fame is her 2014 decision to hold a public meeting on chemtrails, not because she herself thought they’re real, but because a lot of her idiot constituents in Mohave County did, and do. She merely wanted to do some public service and indulge their obsessions for political gain, and who wouldn’t do that?

But you know how it goes: You fuck just one sheeple, and you pick up the nickname “Chemtrail Kelli,” as if she were some kind of kook who’d go on the Alex Jones show.Which Ward did, of course, while running against McCain. Jones was worried McCain might have her assassinated, warning Ward, “just want you to watch your back because that guy is just such a gangster.” He really cares. Oddly, he didn’t try to persuade her that she could escape McCain’s death squads by purchasing some trucker speed. But Ward wasn’t about to call Jones nutty; instead, she acknowledged she’d heard about the McCain mob, and was taking measures to stay safe:

Yes, you know, I’ve had people who have told me that I should get an auto starter on my car, that I should never be starting my own car. I really hope things haven’t gotten that far out of control that I should be fearful for my life. But we are very cautious and I always have people around me who are providing security, which is great. It makes me feel very confident and comfortable whenever I go out to speak to the people.

Oh, and there’s more! Ward has also warned on rightwing radio about the UN’s Black Helicopters and the dangers of Agenda 21 — she even co-sponsored a bill in the state House calling for Arizona to refuse to comply with the non-binding set of guidelines on sustainable development.

Ward’s fondness for out-there conspiracy theories — whether or not she believes ’em, she’s happy to play footsie with believers — was fodder for this ad from Mitch McConnell’s super PAC, because McConnell is solidly behind Republican incumbents (it’s a reboot of the group’s 2016 ad against Ward from the last election):

Ward, not surprisingly, says that if McConnell’s super PAC is running ads against her, that must mean she’s the best:

“I don’t think they’d be throwing out attack ads and spending thousands of dollars to attack me if I were not a threat to their establishment power,” Ward told Fox News.

She’s also taken to reminding Arizonans that if only they’d been wise enough to elect her, they could already be losing their oppressive healthcare right now:

“Just think, had I replaced Sen. McCain, I would’ve been the deciding yes vote to get rid of Obamacare, to start that full repeal,” Ward said.

There are other, more mainstream Republicans, with actual state party support, but Ward has picked up the support of Sean Hannity, as well as a $300,000 donation to a pro-Ward super PAC from uber-wingnut Robert Mercer, the billionaire financier behind Breitbart and the 2016 Trump campaign. One recent poll even shows Ward with a significant lead over Flake, but it’s still early — Ward learned last year that counting on the incumbent’s unpopularity with fellow rightwingers wasn’t enough to win. Still, she’s crazy enough, and Trumpy enough, that the National Review has already warned that if Arizona Republicans replace Flake with Ward, they might very well end up giving Flake’s seat to a Democrat.

Gosh, wouldn’t that be a shame?

[CNN / AzCentral / CNN / Mother Jones / NRO]

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  • schmannity

    Did the photographer say, Kelli, give us your “who farted?” face for that pub. shot?

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Or, for a truly frightening effect, add joker makeup to that scary mug.

      Anyone here want to do the honors?

  • Joe Beese

    John Galt was not the Ayn Rand rapist-hero. That was Howard Roark.

    I’m afraid you have to repeat the course.

  • exinkwretch

    Despite her knocking the “old, weak” John McCain, bet you she was an enthusiastic backer of even older and weaker Joe Arpaio.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Backer? I’m guessing she’s on top.

  • memzilla Ω

    Jeez, that face. She’s got all the sincerity of the hard-chargin’ real estate agent who’s figuring she can get away with not telling you about the radon in the basement, the termites in the floorboards, and the black mold in the attic.

    • schmannity

      She looks like a listing agent who whispers “My sellers are very motivated and desparate. Make an offer.”

    • arglebargle

      Republican, so that’d be a dead hooker in the basement and a live teenage boy in the attic.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      She smells like Dollar Store FDS, 3 years past sell date.

    • arundel

      Her dad is definitely The Joker. Them eyebrows don’t lie. Someone please have the authorities check her crawlspace for bodies.

  • Mpeg

    Yes, you know, I’ve had people who have told me that I should get an auto starter on my car [for safety reasons]

    Yes, yes!! Please Ms. Ward person, GET A AUTO STARTER it will be sooooo Foolproof and so very un-hackable! You’ll never lock your starter in your car with the engine running or anything ever, go and get one; what are you waiting for, let the hijinks begin!~

    • The Librarian

      She’s an idiot. She needs to worry more about some prankster putting sugar in her gas tank.

  • Joe Beese

    Also, I don’t think the young ‘uns are going to get the Carousel reference.

    • doktorzoom

      Yup. Getting a Logan’s Run joke is the new criterion for sending you off to Carousel. Now, get in the van…

      • Joe Beese

        Damn it!

      • Mavenmaven

        I met Michael York once, so do I get frozen alive?

  • arglebargle

    I thought your palm flower turned black if you masturbated too much.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    She seems nutty.

    • Ωbjectifier

      Nuttier than squirrel shit.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Well, she’s a Republican, so…

  • lucidamente

    Watching Jeff I-vote-with-Republicans-95%-of-the-time-but-I’m-not-a-wing-nut Flake fend off a challenge from Chemtrail Kelli: there is not enough popcorn in the world.

  • Creepoman

    Physician, fuck thyself.

    (Shamelessly stolen for another Wonker – would love to credit, but too lazy to dig through the archives)

  • Green Arrow

    “Just think, had I replaced Sen. McCain, I would’ve been the deciding yes vote to get rid of Obamacare, to start that full repeal,” Ward said. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2bf4419a06412ef46f4416dfd77987e7367801bb61b9e7c3de7f3ce30a2234e7.gif

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    Making a campaign ANY appearance on “InfoWars” should automatically preclude someone from ever holding public office.

  • jesterpunk
  • mardam422

    I look forward to her campaign ad where an armadillo is put into a wood chipper as she tells us she’s a doctor.

  • Suttree

    Until I find out her beliefs on teh gheys, jeebus and if he rode dinosaurs, and what her feelings about Dominionism are, I cannot award her a single L.

  • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

    Evil eyebrow alert!

  • schmannity

    This doctor is definitely not in my network.

  • Swampay

    Why does the scary lady in the picture look like she wants to bite me? Does she want to bite me? I think she wants to bite me or maybe cut me with a knife.

  • Rick Hill

    Gawd, the more acceptable these people are to their base, the more loathsome a human being.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      There is a definite correlation. Which says a great deal (none of it good) about their base.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    From Walnuts to Ward nuts.

  • La forza del resistino

    Paging Dr House, Paging Dr House, there is a code 11 in the Kelli ward.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    LOL, it’s funny she complains about the “establishment” calling her liberal, because there’s no way in hell anybody has done that un-ironically. On the other hand, she does lie and whine about her persecution like the very most ableist Trumpeteer, so she’s got that going for her…

  • Osteopathic physicians (DOs) are the legal equivalents and, in most cases, are the professional equivalents of medical doctors. Although most DOs offer competent care, the percentage involved in dubious practices appears to be higher than that of medical doctors.
    http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/facebook/000/185/502/no-shit-sherlock.jpg

    And don’t call me Sherlock

    • If I remember correctly both Osteopathic and Chiropractic medicine are disciplines founded by people who failed out of medical school and didn’t earn their MD’s.

      • Mavenmaven

        Generally it means they didn’t get into standard MD track medical schools.

      • cmd resistor

        My parents went to an osteopath and liked him. He didn’t seem like a kook and they wouldn’t have gone to someone borderline. Not to say this woman isn’t a complete idiot — she does seem to be.

        • Mavenmaven

          Most of them are OK, there is also a route where they can earn the MD degree quickly. I’ve worked with a few and they were good, just partied too much in college and didn’t have the GPA for standard med schools.

        • I didn’t mean to say that all Osteopaths and Chiropractors are kooks, just that they aren’t always exposed to as much information as most physicians. Every group has some really good practitioners and some really bad idiots who are just good at passing exams.

          • cmd resistor

            All that being said, I don’t think my parents would have gone to a chiropractor and this guy was basically their g.p. I honestly don’t know the difference between an m.d. and a d.o. I do remember when I worked at an insurance company medical department a million years ago, people who had to get medical exams to buy insurance had to have them done by either an m.d. or a d.o.

          • MrTusks

            In my slip ‘n’ fall days, D.O.s made for the most shady and mercenary expert witnesses. Opinions typically boiled down to “He’s hurt because he says he is.”

      • Rags

        Standards vary but many osteopaths attend medical school and share curriculum with allopaths. These days they are usually well trained and focused on family practice.

  • The Librarian

    The GOP didn’t call her a lib, they called her “not conservative” and a nut. That may equal lib in her eyes, but us “nuts” would never accept her as one of us, ever. Dream on, Kelli

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      How crazy do you have to be for the GOP to call you “not conservative”? We’ve learned that being a sociopath is practically a requirement for admission.

      • The Librarian

        Pretty fucking bonkers with a splash of narcissism for flavor.

  • Scooby

    What the hell was going on in medical schools in the 80’s?

    • OrG

      Crack.

      • Scooby

        She looks like an ex-crackhead.

        • Three Finger Salute

          “Ex”?

    • SayItWithWookies

      The anaesthesiology classes were standing room only.

    • Mavenmaven

      She wasn’t at a standard medical school, she’s an osteopath.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Also a sociopath…

  • Noxious Resistance

    I do hope Krazy Kelli gets the nomination.
    Mark Kelly would CRUSH her!

  • SayItWithWookies

    You know when Hannity calls someone doctor that he’s hoping the title will cover up the crazy. Didn’t work for that German dentist, ain’t gonna work for Kelli.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      70s movie references thread… Marathon Man

  • AJ Milne

    Where does she live in AZ that she can _survive_ without an autostarter on her car? Ain’t the McCain death squads, it’s more my experience of Phoenix in the summer was if you didn’t prestart and run the AC a while you’d wind up a faint, charred outline on the upholstery the moment you sat in the damn thing.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      I took it to be the car bombz she afeared…

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      I read somewhere about needing oven mitts to drive, whoa if true

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        I have some friends there who have had to resort to that. A couple of times they’ve said their car’s thermometer has simply stopped registering since the temperature was too high.

    • doktorzoom

      She lives in Lake Havasu City, which is hotter than Phoenix. I’d assume she has a garage.

      • Rags

        Wimps – move to Bullhead City up the river if you want REAL heat, none of that lukewarm shit.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    Lake Havasu City – an isolated community on the Arizona/Nevada border. Hotter than Hell, whiter than Wonder Bread, and most famous for buying London Bridge and importing it.

    • OrG

      I thought that’s where they made the “Girls Gone Wild” tapes.

    • Rags

      And for thinking they were getting the Tower Bridge when they did so….

  • Jgb979
  • La forza del resistino

    Before you render your deathwatch diagnosis on 80 y/o Sen. McGrumpy, remember his Mom is going strong at 105, Dr Ward.

    • True, and as much as I hate to admit it, coming to Washington just DAYS after BRAIN SURGERY was truly badass.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    It would be a nice change of pace if the GOP could stop choosing their candidates based on who can say the craziest shit.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      At some point we have to hit the maximum limit between “Republican crazy” and “off to the laughing academy crazy”, right?

  • Jonny On Maui

    I love the “Logan’s Run” reference!

    • eggs ackly-wright

      Jenny Agutter…yum. What a beauty.

  • Anna Rompage

    Someone should check this lady’s basement for all those kids they have posted on the back of milk cartons…

    • OutOfOrbit

      and her attic … for ding-bats

  • GoutMachine

    Oh, great. Another Republican doctor out there to spew bullshit.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      If they were good at medicine wouldn’t they be doing medicine?

      • OutOfOrbit

        mee too always wonders why a MD would go into politix

        • jodyleek

          More lucrative. And doesn’t require the purchase of malpractice insurance. But it should.

  • janecita

    What is it with Republican women, and crazy eyes? It is uncanny, they all have that weird thing going on.

    • OutOfOrbit

      your question is redundant

  • Mavenmaven

    For the record, she’s an osteopathic doctor and did family practice, so she’s not quite an expert in brain tumor care.

    • doktorzoom

      Are you casting aspersions on her asparagus?

      • OutOfOrbit

        ROOLS! : No Comments Allowed

      • Mavenmaven

        Good luck with your asparagus

    • SeeTrain65

      “I wouldn’t trust her to know how to put an aspirin tablet between her knees.”

  • Ward has also warned on rightwing radio about the UN’s Black Helicopters and the dangers of Agenda 21

    AGENDA 21! THEY’RE COMIN’ FER OUR GOLFS!

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Agenda21 was safe again after they redid the kitchen…

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      Golfs don’t make money without Russian oligarchs- Agenda 21 is just the repo team.

  • jesterpunk

    But liberals are the ones who need to cut down on the rhetoric.

  • So the Clintons’ have a mafia, John McCain has a gang, and Donald Trump has a clown car? Is that what I am hearing, because only the last part sounds true.

  • Joe Beese
    • Antonin Dvorak

      Thank’s for proving the point Sean.

  • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

    Honey, you might want to set the lighting on your makeup mirror to “daytime”.

  • La forza del resistino

    In other news, Sean Hannity just endorsed a statue of Robt E Lee’s horse for the Dec. 12, Alabama senate election.

  • Crystalclear12

    That last part confused me. Are we supposed to root for Kelli?

    • IN the GOP primaries… what we’re really rooting for is the Mercers pissing millions of dollars away in a bruising, negative campaign against Flake.

    • OrG

      Only against flake.

    • Zonath

      Oh Hell no. A Republican candidate who’s “too crazy” to ever be elected, making the Democrat the overwhelming favorite in the general election? We’ve all heard that fucking song before.

  • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

    “Still, she’s crazy enough, and Trumpy enough, that the National Review has already warned that if Arizona Republicans replace Flake with Ward, they might very well end up giving Flake’s seat to a Democrat.”

    Right, because if the last year proved anything, it’s that voting for a candidate who is legitimately mentally ill and prone to insane public pronouncements is simply a line that Republicans will not cross.

    • Crystalclear12

      Hey, the truth hurts, man!

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      I was going to say, in Arizona, it seems like “crazy Republican” is a feature not a bug.

      • Three Finger Salute

        That’s not just Arizona, you know…

        • Elainedpatel

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    • Gayer Than Thou

      I think I hope she wins the primary and is unelectable and costs the GOP this seat. If that can’t happen, then I hope she loses the primary and the media coverage is all about how Trump is toxic for candidates. Either way, I hope the GOP loses this seat. I haven’t bet big bucks on it, but I still hope.

    • cmd resistor

      I read yesterday that Trump met with a few possible candidates to primary Flake while in AZ yesterday and someone made it clear he hadn’t exactly endorsed her.

  • Michael Smith

    Here in Indiana County, Pennsylvania, they did a tax reassessment 2 years ago that had the locals about ready to form up into a militia. That was the first time I heard of UN Agenda 21!

    Some of the more conspiratorial folks accused the County of trying to force people to sign up for the “Clean and Green” tax discount program, in which your taxes are lowered by your agreeing not to do certain things on your property. This would be part of the UN’s globalist agenda to limit American productivity. Weakening the U.S., you see, is necessary because any country that is too strong poses a threat to the cultural marxist, morally relative global state that the UN and its conspirators (including, apparently, the county commissioners of Indiana County, population 88,000) want desperately to establish.

    Someone would pop into a comments section and mention Agenda 21, and others would be like “What’s that?” And the redneck-woke conspiracy guru would then explain the world government plan. Then people would be like “Hey wouldn’t put it past them,” and “Well with Obama in the White House, I’ll believe anything.”

    These people had very legitimate grievances about a sloppy and thrown-together tax reassessment that really did raise taxes for many people who can’t afford it. But it morphed very quickly into a pitchfork-wielding, conspiracy-believing mob of unsympathetic idiots.

    • America is weakened if I can’t dump used motor oil in the storm sewer which feeds into the local stream.

      • Michael Smith

        Hey, if it kills people that just means only the strong are surviving!! You think the WW2 generation grew up with environmental protections?

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      For urban planners, “Agenda 21” was kind of like a prion that spread through the air rather than the usual way. Once it found its way into a community it caused severe brain damage.

  • Flake primaries Flake.

  • Jonny On Maui

    OT: Saw this a few minutes ago and immediately thought of Pickwick…

    Secret life of the dodo revealed
    http://www.bbc.com/news/science-environment-41002562

  • MynameisBlarney
  • proudgrampa

    “I see the physiological changes that happen in normal aging, in patients again and again and again over the last 20, 25 years. So I do know what happens to the body and the mind at the end of life.”

    And I’m sure the senior citizens of Lake Havasu City gave her a resounding “Fuck you!” in that Senate primary.

  • Ricky Gay

    Ward really lost her bearings when she decided to split with Montgomery.

  • chicken thief

    Ward can go toe to toe with Judge Moore for the “Most Insane Freshman Senator” award.

    • Or they could appear together on, “The Biggest Loser.”

      • chicken thief

        Does the set of The Biggest Loser have a statue of the 10 Commandments?

  • Tangentially related, but very apt. https://twitter.com/H_Combs/status/900227481881513984

    • Suttree

      Did playing a witch on TV make these actors liberals? I wonder where Rose McGowan and Shannen Doherty stand?

      • I think it’s having the lady parts, and not wanting Mike Pence up in them.

        • I have man parts and I don’t want Mike Pence all up in them either!

          • Me not sure

            I have car parts in my garage, and I don’t want him monkeying around with those either, too.

          • foiled again

            Get out of my urethra, you creepy little probe.

        • kaydenpat

          Or Trump grabbing them.

        • The-Timbuktutu

          “Mother” wouldn’t like that.

      • Maybe she just knows the difference between fantasy and reality, whereas the reality TV stars have a much harder time with it?

      • Antonin Dvorak

        I have heard Doherty isn’t all that progressive, I have no clue about McGowan, I’d guess she is a lib based on a hunch.

      • I’m not sure about Allyson Hannigan but Amber Benson (who played her gf on Buffy) is on our side.

  • MOG253

    Is it just me or are these whack jobs obsessed with killing EVERYONE they disagree with????? The use of murder, kill, shoot, etc. is rampant in their speeches and interviews.

    • OrG

      Not just you.

    • HazooToo

      Old and Busted: Discussing your positions and changing your mind when the facts are against you.

      New Hotness: My opponents are literal monsters that hate you and everything you love.

    • TJ Barke

      Oh yes. And all their agonizing over being killed off in FEMA camps by bloodthirsty liberal globalists is projection. They want to do it to us, so they assume we want to do it to them.

  • kaydenpat

    Ward: “I’m a physician.”

    Why are all the prominent Republican Doctors so deranged? Dr. Carson. Dr. Paul. Dr. Frist who diagnosed a woman through a television. I could go on and on.

    • bbayliss

      A question for the ages.

    • foiled again

      Yeah. I guess after looking thoroughly through the human body and not finding a bright white round thing called a ‘soul’ they’ve determined no such thing exists and just go ahead and be a sociopath.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Except Republican gynecologists. They can find a “soul” in fetal tissue but dispute the existence of a brain in the woman carrying it. Therefore, no agency.

    • Me not sure

      There are shit tons of Republican doctors who have served (?) In Congress, and each is crazier than the next, no matter what order you put them in.
      Former:
      Sen. Tom Coburn, OK
      Rep. Tom Price, GA
      Rep. Phil Gingrey, GA
      Rep. Paul Broun, GA
      Current:
      Too many to mention.

    • Rags

      MD’s and engineers are notoriously overrepresented in the creationist loony bin as well. They mistake learning a craft with expertise in scientific matters and go all Dunning-Kruger up in there.

    • Manders

      Don’t forget Dr. Stein. It isn’t just R doctors.

    • Permit-holder Ron

      She’s an osteopath. It’d be like my using my experience as a framer to sell myself as an aircraft mechanic.

    • Pat_Pending

      You forgot Dr. Gorka.

  • chicken thief

    Jesus Christ, she is a nut job – a racist to boot! McCain is responsible for the rise of ISIS?! Way to ignore the accomplishments of the blah guy (according to Trump) and give all the credit to an old white guy.

  • bbayliss

    “I’m a physician. I see the physiological changes that happen in normal aging,”
    And it should be apparent that I have shot myself full of industrial strength botox to assure my feline, snarling, countenance.

    • (((fka_donnie_d)))

      This. It’s like they hate science until it comes to cosmetic surgery.

      • mardam422

        “I’m a physician. I see the physiological changes that happen in normal aging,”
        Which is why I’m wearing all this makeup.

        • Three Finger Salute

          There’s pancake makeup and there’s IHOP makeup. Unlimited stack.

  • (((fka_donnie_d)))

    Christ, what is it with republican women that just screams “athletic club barfly”?

    It ain’t lookism, honey, cause I know you weren’t born with that amount of makeup.

    • Me not sure

      Is “can’t lookism” a thing? It should be!

  • foiled again

    Here it is- the abyss one should not gaze into.
    What a deeply, deeply chilling individual.

  • norcalOG

    Sharron Angle redux. Let’s not forget Hannity talking with “Senator Angle” the day before she lost–handily–to the then most unpopular political figure in the country. Or, the second most, who had garnered plenty of high level Republican support fearful of Nevada electing a true blithering idiot.

  • Fun with Cthulhu

    Afraid to ask and too lazy to look; Dr. of what, exactly?

    • MuttsRule

      Per Wikipedia, she has a Doctor of Osteopathic Medicine degree from the West Virginia School of Osteopathic Medicine.

      • John Thorstensen

        That may very well be legit, but it can’t be very far up the academic pecking order.

        • Permit-holder Ron

          Most doctors think osteopaths belong in the same bin as chiropractors.

      • whitroth

        Crap. My old doctor in Chicago is an osteopath. Of course, she’d have issues with him, being as he’s in the Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce….

  • greyXstar

    She seems nice!

  • Gorillionaire

    She looks an awful lot like a woman that I made a bad decision with in the years before I got hitched.

    • mardam422

      You mean the day-old sushi?

  • Longstreet63

    Ah, the smell of Republican on Republican combat. 2018 is sure gonna be interesting times.
    The UK’s Raving Loonie Party is going to be hard pressed to keep up at this rate.

    • Three Finger Salute

      “Raving Loonie” is a trademark of the Conservative Reform Alliance Party (CRAP) of Canada. For the UK Tory/Kippers, I think you mean “Bloody Wankers.”

      • Longstreet63

        Neither can compete with the stark, staring insanity of The New GOP.

  • goonemeritus

    Fuck her, 80 is the new 75.

  • mardam422

    Ahhh. A worthy applicant to the throne once held by the likes of “Our” Sarah Palin, Michelle “Crazy Eyes” Bachmann, Chistine “I am not a witch” O’Donnell, Sharon “I have nothing to say” Angle, and Michele “Gun-toting” (you know what I mean) Fiore. All hail!!!!11

    • eggs ackly-wright

      A worthy vessel.

  • Charles Insandiego

    I call for a good movie version of “Logan’s Run”.

    • Reality TV version with real reality ™

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      With Sanctuary cities.

    • whitroth

      As long as we don’t turn Reptilians into soylent green… You’d go into convulsions, eating *that*.

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    Stepford Republicans are a thing. (This movie reference is from the same time period as Zoom’s palm flower reference…I think.)

    • Three Finger Salute

      Now it’s just Stepford McHandmaidface.

  • writersbloc

    is the “FLAKE JEFF FLAKE” a dig or a typo?

    • eggs ackly-wright

      Maybe it’s like Bond James Bond. Just forgot the comma is all.

      • writersbloc

        hahaha, I hope so.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Eats Shoots and Leaves

        • george lastrapes

          Shits Giggles and Doesn’t Flush

    • cmd resistor

      Looks pretty middle-school, like Crooked Hillary, Little Marco, Pocohontas, etc. Remember all those middle school nicknames Obama used to use on Senators?

    • puredog

      It’s an exhortation to the Senator’s dandruff to become hyperactive. Needs moar exclamation point.

  • Shibusa

    Dr. Kelli should use her physician skills to diagnose Donnie Two Scoops’ degenerative conscience disease.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Fake news. Assumes preexisting condition of conscience.

  • Manhattan123

    I wish the NYT or the WaPo would do a major hit piece on Robert Mercer and his daughter Rebekah (I sense a little Donald/Ivanka vibe with those two, although Rebekah has a bit of a fivehead). They are some sleazy puppet masters with the GOP.

    • Shibusa
      • Manhattan123

        Thanks, I’ll check it out. Mayer is a great reporter.

      • cmd resistor

        I hunted that up after hearing her on the radio shortly after the election. Creepy how they are all connected with Sessions, Bannon, and also, too, seems like Betsy DeVos?

    • cmd resistor

      Yes they are and they seem to get away with a lot of behind the scenes crap. That Jane Mayer piece is good although too long, I guess, for the average yahoo.

    • Dutchman

      Annnnd an upfist for fivehead. I’d never heard that and laughed and laughed when the googles told me what it was.

      • Manhattan123
        • Edith Prickly

          Look, her bangs are trying to escape.

          • Manders

            You guys are so mean! Come sit next to me.

        • CovfefeOfTheThoughtlessMind

          IMAX.

          • SeeTrain65

            If only I’d been on two hours ago, I’d have missed making the same comment by five minutes.

        • Permit-holder Ron

          Ye gods, that poor woman! Her features have slipped almost all the way off her face!

        • Pat_Pending

          I feel bad for her glasses. Y’know, having to sit on her face.

    • Mike Steele

      Lady MS will never pass up a chance to note how Mercer compound Owl’s Nest is eerily reminiscent of Custer Hill Club in Nelson DeMille’s ‘Wild Fire’…remote hangout of shady zillionaire where all sorts of intl mischief was made.

  • whitroth

    Given the quality of her attack on McCain, who I heartily dislike, I get to respond: what’s with her face, and that expression? That evil squinty “smile”? I mean, if she loses some weight, I suppose she could buy a coat made from Dalmation dogs, and run as Cruella DeVille…. For that, her expression would work…..

    • Yellerduck

      Her human suit got snagged on one of her scales and it pulled a bit sideways. Nothing a good molting won’t fix.

      • CovfefeOfTheThoughtlessMind

        And a hearty snack of cockroaches.

  • wait! what?
    • puredog

      Is the 21st Agenda anything like (hic) the 21st Amendment? I’M ALL FOR IT!

  • Three Finger Salute
  • cats530

    “I’m a physician. I see the physiological changes that happen in normal
    aging, in patients again and again and again over the last 20, 25 years.
    So I do know what happens to the body and the mind at the end of life.”

    I’m so glad you know that, Kelli, because it’s going to happen to you too.

    • dshwa

      In her defense, it’s not like anyone will notice she’s gone off the deep end, since she’s already treading water.

    • Pat_Pending

      Going to? I think she made an early turn ’round the ol’ bend.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    The local slogan is “Have a brew, have a screw, Havasu.” So any interesting Dr. Laura Schleisinger-esque pictures of Dr. Kelli on the lake? If so, please, please, please don’t post them.

  • Beezelbubbles
    • Pat_Pending

      I sorta liked Logan’s Run. Maybe it was Michael York. Maybe it was Jenny Agutter.

  • CovfefeOfTheThoughtlessMind

    The crazy, mirthless eyes of Kelli Ward.

  • george lastrapes

    Ms. Ward comes across like a Death-Panel Facilitator.

  • Permit-holder Ron

    A Flake, and an ACTUAL flake. What a world.

    Y’know, if she loses the primary again, she’d be right at home with Dr Jill. Someone should introduce them.

  • harryeagar

    I want to know who labeled her a liberal.

    Sounds like Baja Nevada’s version of Sharron Angle.

  • skip1

    If elected, she would probably propose mass euthanasia for people over 65, except republicans who have superior genes, so they don’t have to suffer the physical horrors of living to 70, 75, 85 or, god forbid, 90.

  • Delu

    Well she has all the Trump Credentials.

    No wonder trump is endorsing her.

  • Sakonyachen

    “She merely wanted to do some public service and indulge their obsessions for political gain, and who wouldn’t do that?”

    JILL STEIN LIBULZZZ!!!11!!

  • SeeTrain65

    He has gotten weak. He has gotten old. I do want to wish him a happy birthday. He’s going to be 80 on Monday, and I want to give him the best birthday present ever — the gift of retirement … I’m a physician. I see the physiological changes that happen in normal aging, in patients again and again and again over the last 20, 25 years. So I do know what happens to the body and the mind at the end of life.

    BTW: How old is Cruella DeVille, here? She might be younger, but she sure has the symptoms of senility and delusion.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    “…the National Review has already warned that if Arizona Republicans replace Flake with Ward, they might very well end up giving Flake’s seat to a Democrat.”

    Are Democrats able to govern in a hot place?

  • Invidosa

    What a shit licking douche nozzle. . . Hey bitch, guess what? Old people vote a LOT

    • Mike Steele

      Starting with our own critter, could spend some considerable time listing deplorable doctors in Congress (Harris, Paul, Price, et. al.) who are hell-bent on ending health care…and yet, they shamelessly spent their starter careers cashing those sweet, sweet government checks.

  • clairence

    Nothing says “non-factor in Senate” like POTUS focusing on your re-election.

  • ken_kukec

    “She’s like John Galt without the railroads or the rape, but if you gave her a chance, she could probably produce a 90-page speech that most readers would give up on.”

    Damn, Dok, you sure know how to remind a guy never to give Atlas Shrugged that one last try.

  • BillEGoatSmirk

    Anyone know if Ann Kirkpatrick will run again if this whack-job wins the primary against Flake?

  • phoenix00

    PLEASE GIVE FLAKE’S SEAT TO A DEMOCRAT PLEASE? #50statestrategy

  • Pat_Pending

    Any chance of mega-dosing AZ with ayahuasca? ‘Cuz they need… SOMETHING powerful to flip them out of this non-reality.

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