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Hey there, Wonketariat! We’ve got a slew of newses for your today! Here’s some of the things we may be talking about today.

The White House is expected to instruct the Pentagon to ban transgender troops in an effort to calm the fears of religious whackos terrified that openly trans troops will take over the government with pride parades, or something. [Archive]

A new email has surfaced of a Trump aide trying to set up meetings between Trump officials and Putin last summer, BEFORE Little Donnie’s meeting with that Russian lawyer lady. WOAH, if true!

Ben Carson may have broken federal law by appearing at Trump’s Rant-a-Palooza in Phoenix, since it was a campaign rally, and Cabinet members aren’t supposed to be doing campaigns.

What kind of super powers do Robert Mueller and his Justice League of Extraordinary Investigators have anyway? There’s a “demigod,” a rock, a translator, “BVG,” a ghost, The Perfect Prosecutor, a heart surgeon, and more! If the investigation doesn’t pan out, they can at least make that Buckaroo Banzai sequel, finally.

The State Department’s Science Envoy, Daniel Kammen, quit in a sternly worded letter that spells out, “Impeach.” Clearly he’s been hanging out with the former Arts and Humanities Commission!

Deep down inside, Exxon knows climate change is real, but it’s still praying that Raptor Jesus can just make everyone forget.

A new Energy Department study finds that fossil fuel consumption is declining in favor of more renewable power sources, so DOE is recommending we invest many Ameros in coal and nuclear power. After all, we can’t let China lead the way in fashionable respirators and goggles, can we?

Nobody knows if Fed Chair Janet Yellen will stick around, and that includes Janet Yellen — who hasn’t even been asked to stick around to keep the economy from collapsing. [Archive]

The Justice Department is fighting a suit against Trump’s religious liberty executive order with the argument that it’s not promoting religious speech, it’s simply not asking questions about what that speech is saying with all that money.

Former Trump campaign aide Michael Caputo’s new shenanigans involve the all sorts of behind-the-scenes buggery that could screw up the way we deal with trademarks and patents for years.

The judge presiding over the trials of five Gitmo detainees accused of conspiring in 9/11 attacks can’t see the Top Secret stuff that might prove reasonable doubt. He probably just didn’t get a psychic to ascertain the answers.

John Kelly is trying to control what papers Trump sees while he’s sitting in the Oval Office, so expect to see internal memos and policy being tweeted by ex-President Bannon and Tea Party crazies with an axe to grind.

The RNC will defend its nominees even if Trump wants to tweet out insults and burn down barns across rural America.

It’s getting a lot harder for civil servants to avoid partisanship now that their leadership is swimming away from the sinking ship captained by Donald Trump.

Montana Republican Rep. Greg Gianforte is still dodging the Guardian reporter he bodyslammed the night before Montana’s special election. It’s almost like he’s trying to avoid going on the record, or being forced to ap..apollo…apple-o-jeez.

Julian and Joaquin Castro are worried about stepping on each other’s toes as they make their bids for higher office, like governor or president, so they’re making sure that neither comes across as the evil twin.

Baltimore poors in Kushner properties are being thrown in debtors’ prisons, and according to one lawyer involved it’s “something out of Charles Dickens.” It certainly isn’t the best of times…

Prince Kushner’s real estate company just lost its damage control PR specialists after Trump’s Nuremberg speech scared them away. I wonder who will help them with accusations of debtors’ prisons in Baltimore now?

Mike Pence says the US will use “economic and diplomatic power” to promote democracy in Venezuela, purposefully avoiding any talk about expanding WWIII beyond the Middle East and South Asia.

US & Russian officials in Syria can’t stop calling one another now that they’ve “worked through some very hard problems.” Pretty soon they’re going to get an apartment together, and Trump will take them furniture shopping.

That Return of Kings MRA douchenozzle thinks Nazis are being censored and that Charlottesville will be some kind of “digital rights Kristallnacht,” which is ironic considering he’s a shade too Not-White to be welcome in the “alt-right” neo-Nazi paradise.

IJR’s resident plagiarist didn’t bother to check his facts (again) when he wrote a story about Boston antifa protesters sourced from a fake Twitter troll account.

The Editor of the WSJ is butthurt about all the negative Trump coverage his reporters keep filing, so he’s been telling the overworked ink-stained wretches to fudge their facts.

And here’s your late night wrap-up! The Daily Show doesn’t think Ben Carson shouldn’t MC a party; and Conan O’Brien sang the Star Spangled Banner in a Baltimore accent with Kathy Bates.

And here’s your morning Nice Time! A DIK DIK!

WE NEED YOUR MONEY! Seriously, we’re behind this month and our loyal readers (like you!) are the ones who make the Agenda, ‘splainerings, dickjokes and Nice Times possible.

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  • Nounverb911
  • Nounverb911
  • Nounverb911
    • Green Arrow

      Who will pay for the wall?

      (Me)xico

    • From Russia With A Permit

      4. I won’t actually be able to shutdown the govt. if U.S. taxpayers don’t pay either.

  • Little Lulu Ω

    Saying that we’re all green on the inside makes me think of Mr. Spock and wonder if his dick looked like an okra.

    • coozledad

      You’re confusing him with Jim Nabors.

  • dslindc

    Sexxxxy leader to the north . . . in butter form.

    https://twitter.com/foodandwine/status/900711266691534849

    • GoutMachine
    • Msgr_MΩment

      Wow. The only way this would be better is if the butter was made from panda milk.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      I’m sorry, but butter sculptures, no matter how adorable, make my gorge rise a bit.

  • Nounverb911
    • Parakeetist

      WTF?

      • Lance Thrustwell

        As if he had that kind of cultural knowledge OR a sense of humor.

        • Nounverb911

          Needs more Pookahs!

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Is Akron safe?

      • GoutMachine

        Yes, but Bowling Green is fucked.

        • Celtic_Gnome

          I’ve been to Bowling Green. The Ohio one with the university. It’s nice. Flat, but nice.

  • coozledad

    Be careful out there. We’re up against murdering trash.
    https://twitter.com/PDPJ/status/900572399774687236

    • From Russia With A Permit

      Driving a Mercedes over protesters? I guess he’s pretty well healed.

      • coozledad

        Or an NC general assemblyman on vacation.

    • I saw that, but I couldn’t find a good report. The STL Today story seemed like a half-reported garbage pile

    • GoutMachine

      Wait, he’s in custody for fleeing? What about, y’know, like, attempted murder? Or is this one of those states where it’s OK to plow into protesters? (Missouri, so probably)

    • bupkus231

      Here’s a Reuters report about this incident:

      Link: https://www.reuters.com/article/us-missouri-crime-idUSKCN1B40AO

      The injured people in St. Louis were taking part in a candlelight march for Kenny “Kiwi” Herring, a black transgender woman who was shot and killed by St. Louis police on Tuesday. Police said Herring attacked officers with a knife and that one officer was wounded, the St. Louis Post Dispatch reported.

      As they marched in the intersection of Manchester Avenue and Sarah Street, a driver of a car approached, stopped and honked his horn as he tried to drive around the protesters, police said.

      “The protesters surrounded the vehicle and began striking it with their hands and a flag pole. Several protesters also kicked and jumped on top of the vehicle,” police said.

      Three protesters were hit when the driver drove away. They refused medical attention on the scene, police said.

      Jeez – take it easy, people.

  • Mr. Blobfish
    • Bright Bart

      Ascertain!!!!! One of my favorite sketches (How was I supposed to know is my fave.)

  • ManchuCandidate

    Jared Kushner’s A Tale of Two Shitties
    It was the beast of times. It was the burst of times.

  • cheetojeebus
  • Green Arrow

    “The ‘Unite the Right’ event in Charlottesville, Virginia may be remembered—oh so ironically—as a digital rights Kristallnacht” ushering in a new era of internet censorship.”

    I, for one, find it ironic that right wingers use terms like “Kristallnacht” and “lynching” to describe how they’re somehow being persecuted for being white men. It’s almost like they have to co-opt words to describe racial and religious minorities being killed and oppressed. I wonder why? Hmmm….

    • ManchuCandidate

      Nazi… The other N word.

    • cheetojeebus

      It’s that old apocryphal Goebbels? quote, ‘accuse your enemies of crimes you commit’

      • GoutMachine

        Pretty much sums up the Trump administration.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      It’s worse then slavery and two holocausts.

      • Green Arrow

        “I got called a mayoface once on twitter. This bigotry will not stand.” -Ancient white guy proverb

        • Beanz&Berryz

          He preferred Coolwhipface. Doh… I meant MiracleWhipface

          • Celtic_Gnome

            The Romneys took both Miracle Whip and mayonnaise on family picnics because, you know, diversity.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            No white privilege here…

      • Finnibar87

        Throw in the Reformation and 3 pogroms while you’re at it.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      Co-opted words to describe racial and religious minorities being killed and oppressed by right wing white dudes.

      “Remember that time we did genocide to those people and we were like, ‘That’s not a big deal, people are just doing identity politics’??? Well, it’s happening to US now!!!1!1!1 And it’s totally a big deal now!!1!!!”

      • Green Arrow

        Irony: They constantly say African-Americans should be thankful that Lincoln and white America fought for their freedom from slavery but then they turn around and say it wasn’t that bad and that “blacks sold other blacks anyway”.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        yr genociding me with those italics

  • Mr. Blobfish
    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      “For the last time: My hands are normal size. Maybe LARGE. Mealnia does not complain!” #DeletedTrumpTweets

      • Celtic_Gnome

        How could he know? I doubt he speaks Slovenian.

        Wonder if she taught Barron? Kids are hella good with language acquisition.

    • coozledad

      Why does he always look like he’s taking a shit?

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Because he is…

      • GoutMachine

        Cuz he’s always taking a huge dump on the Constitution.

      • SomeBigRedDog

        Cause he’s full of it.

    • Little Lulu Ω

      He looks like he’s in Home Depot manning the desk at a tile display.

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        sadly, that’s a secretary’s desk at Mar-A-Lago.

    • chortlingdingo

      Nouveau riche types always overdo it with the decor. Yes, marble is very nice. You want marble counter tops? Done. Wait, stop, why are you putting marble on the floors and walls?

      • SprinklemagicResistancebuns

        Is the fucking chair even tiled? He probably stole that tile from an historical site in Morocco.

        • Celtic_Gnome

          Don, Jr. and Eric picked it up on one of their expeditions.

        • chortlingdingo

          He probably did. What a dick!

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      Who does he think he’s fooling by holding the note pad in such a way that we can’t see it’s blank?

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Why didn’t he have some flunky he’s not going to pay anyway scribble a bunch of shit on it?

        Oh, right. That requires planning and foresight.

    • Red Richmond

      He looks like someone’s lost and confused grandpa, zoned out again in the middle of a nursing home crossword puzzle. He just needs someone to listen to him that story again, the one everyone’s heard but no one understand or cares about, and then give him his daily lithium dose.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    “Fake media stories about Russia are helping ISIS! I may send reporters to Gitmo with other terrorists. We’ll see.” #DeletedTrumpTweets

  • Nounverb911
    • From Russia With A Permit

      How old are you? 12?

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      I’ll never be able to think of August 24th the same way again.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        My friend’s birthday was August 21. We had the birthday party in the backyard and watched the Moon eat the evil orb.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      More likely they will make a federal holiday for “dance on Mike Huckabee’s grave” day when the inevitability of death happens. We can wait, we are patient.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Many unhappy returns.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      In other words, a day of mourning.

  • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist
  • From Russia With A Permit

    Somebody gave the dik dik a Mowhawk.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Is that a dik dik joke?

      • From Russia With A Permit

        Navajo code talking.

  • YoBunnyBunny

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/public-safety/former-kkk-member-who-became-a-catholic-priest-never-apologized-for-cross-burning-incident-victims-say/2017/08/23/98515fbc-8815-11e7-961d-2f373b3977ee_story.html?utm_term=.04e7256bd260

    So Catholic priest thought he’d share with others his uplifting story about being a racist KKK, cross-burning nut and ““Moving From Hate to Love With God’s Grace”.

    But cross-burning victims were like, WTF???

    During a news conference Wednesday in Washington, Barbara and Phillip Butler said they never received closure after the cross burning on their front lawn — a home they had lived in for six months as newlyweds. While the Butlers have never forgotten that day, they said they had only become aware in recent days that the man who pleaded guilty in the cross-burning incident had become a priest — and lived nearby, in Virginia.

    They said Aitcheson never apologized to them or paid a court-ordered restitution.

    But he’s found Jesus now, so it’s cool.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Was he a Catholic while in the KKK? I believe they frown upon Papists.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      God’s Forgiveness – restitution for the budget-conscious!

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Jesus forgave him, why do the Butlers matter?

    • RobKanC

      How can you be a catholic and join kkk.

    • MynameisBlarney

      That’s THE selling point for xtianity.
      Sin like fuck all week, and repent on Sundays and you’re good to go.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        The good ones call their best sinning piety

    • He’s a serious Christian now, so he apologized to Jesus. That’s one of the cool perks of Christianinanity – you don’t have to actually talk to the people you’ve wronged, you just lie low and tell Jesus you’re sorry.

      Remember – morality springs from the blood of the lamb!

      And just hope that the Lamb doesn’t tell any of his flock that he wants to see more blood.

  • Bright Bart

    There’s a “demigod,” a rock, a translator, “BVG,” a ghost, The Perfect Prosecutor, a heart surgeon, and more! If the investigation doesn’t pan out, they can at least make that Buckaroo Banzai sequel, finally.
    Read more at https://wonkette.com/622056/trump-makes-america-great-again-with-new-dadt-wonkagenda-for-thurs-aug-24-2017#KwoFv15Az4OtTGs0.99

    Yes! I have been waiting 30 years. Because “no matter where you go, there you are.”

  • Mr. Blobfish

    I’m going out for bagels. Anyone need anything?

    • Make me one with everything.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Yes please. Salt bagel with lox and a schmear of cream cheese.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Ms. Gnome asked where she could find lox in a Wallyworld in Florida, and they sent her to the hardware department.

    • RobKanC

      Can’t. Low carb-ing it right now. I miss bread.

      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        You and my husband both. Honestly, I can’t see the point of living across the street from a wonderful boulangerie if one has to give up bread. You guys have way more willpower than I.

        • RobKanC

          Sadly, mine is more out of “do this or die” rather than a will power one.

          • Martini Ambassador 🍸

            :( Sorry.

          • RobKanC

            Naah. I deserve it a little. It’s years of bad decisions when it come to food that finally got me. Hopefully, I will be back to eating moderate amounts of carbs in a year or two.

    • breakfast sammich! Western style!
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tfbz3qYUiUU

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Blueberry muffin, please.

    • From Russia With A Permit

      Will you be going by the knocking shop?

    • Belasaurius

      jalapeno cheese please

    • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

      Harvey’s heading my way, so:

      – A gas-powered generator
      – 10 cases of water
      – Bread and milk
      – AA, C and D batteries
      – 20 lbs of ice
      – Cheetos (a guy’s got to eat!)

    • MynameisBlarney

      Yes, I’d like a breakfast burrito, a hunnerd pound sack o’ hunnerd dollar bills a month long vacation, and the ac fixed on my truck.

    • Canned Covfefe

      Cream cheese and olive. No, wait! Um, lox on pumpernickel with smear and sprouts.

    • SnarkON

      Vodka plz

    • Canned Covfefe

      Damn, you’re just the best!

    • Jeffery Campbell

      Malted milk balls. I can’t explain it.

    • yyyaz

      A lifetime supply of Brompton’s Solution, please. I’ll pay you on Tuesday.

  • memzilla Ω
    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Fantastic!

      • hudson

        brilliant even. morphologically, an open mouth and a hairline is the only difference .

        • Marthajstills

          Google is paying 97$ per hour! work for few hours and have longer with friends & family!
          On tuesday I got a Smart new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
          :!ap258:
          ➽➽
          ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialJobs548CashMediaPortal/GetPay$97/Hour ★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★:::::!ap258l..,…..

        • Faithrsanders

          Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family!!!
          On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
          !yz376:
          ➽➽
          ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialJobsCash376HomeSoft/GetPay$97/Hour ★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★:::::!yz376z..,.

    • Canned Covfefe

      There’s no they’re in there.

      • OutOfOrbit

        their isn’t?

        • Canned Covfefe

          Umm…

    • GoutMachine

      Needz moar stink lines.

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      That’s awesome.

    • SadDemInTex

      This doesn’t get old.

  • HazooToo

    This is confusing. The Judge knows the top secret files exist, and that they could go either way in this case. How does not being able to see them not create reasonable doubt?

    • From Russia With A Permit

      Also, every fuck nut and his brother in the Trump clans suddenly has a TS clearances. Give the judge an interim TS and let him do his job.

      • HazooToo

        Yeees thank you.

    • MrTusks

      Only admitted evidence can create a reasonable doubt. If they can’t be admitted because of a security clearance, the jury is not allowed to speculate about what they would be.

      • HazooToo

        Yes, that’s what is confusing me. Maybe it’s for a good reason. Maybe it’s protected innocent people from getting railroaded. I feel like I’ve become too goddamn cynical to understand.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Schrodinger’s Trial.

  • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

    ^^^ Grammar: The difference between knowing your shit and knowing you're shit.— JΞSŦΞR ✪ ΔCŦUΔL³³º¹ (@th3j35t3r) August 24, 2017

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      lol.

      (scribbles down in notebook).

    • OutOfOrbit

      i donut know what your talking about

    • Dutchman

      Q: What’s the difference between a cat and a comma? A: One has claws and the end of its paws, and the other is a pause at the ends of a clause.

    • Dutchman

      “Saying ‘I’m sorry’ is the same as saying ‘I apologize’. Except at a funeral.”

    • Dutchman

      Q: What should you say to comfort a grammar nazi? A: “There, their, they’re.”

    • arglebargle

      Let’s eat Grandma.

    • Dutchman

      I before e… except when you run a feisty heist on a weird beige foreign neighbor

      • Rags

        You reign!

        • Nockular cavity

          From a sleigh, yet.

    • Dutchman

      Sorry, I just could not help myself.

    • Nasty Woman Persisted

      He knows he’s shit.

    • Querolous

      History: The difference between knowing your shit and knowing yore shit.

  • Belasaurius

    Guys. Who was that guy, I think in the 1970s who was President, um from the South I think, I know he invented peanut butter but without a statue I just can’t remember.

    • From Russia With A Permit

      George Washington Creamy?

      • Me not sure

        Chunky McButterpants?

    • yyyaz

      Plus, that old loser what’s-his-name is like 112 years old and still building houses for takers. Weak. Sad.

  • h4rr4r

    China is building solar, wind and some nuclear, but basically no coal. The Nuclear plants are much newer and safer than what we have, and are just a bridge to get to all renewable.

      • h4rr4r

        Coal is worse.

        We don’t live in a perfect world. Nuclear waste is just fuel we refuse to use.

        • SnarkON

          Sure. Just ask the people of Fukushima.

          • h4rr4r

            They can hang out with the folks from coal regions and compare cancers.

            Fukushima was a nightmare, and the way it was handled was worse. In the USA the plant operators would be in jail. The whole thing could have been avoided with proper planning and not running reactors for 50 fucking years. However that does not mean breathing in coal smoke is a good idea either.

            The plutonium should go to space, in RTGs. Space is plenty nasty already.

          • SnarkON

            Nobody with any sense is making the argument that coal is good.

          • h4rr4r

            This is like Bernie bros, or Stein voters. Your options at this point are limited, voting against one amounts to a vote for the other.

          • Let’s agree that both are awful for the environment and cause slow, painful deaths.

          • h4rr4r

            Cool, and lets both agree we need electricity.
            Now that we are agreeing, how do we do that while causing the least amount of damage at the lowest price? Right now wind is that answer. Storage however is a huge problem. Until storage is solved, base load will have to come from something else.

          • SnarkON

            No, it isn’t like that at all.

          • h4rr4r

            Yes, it is.
            Look at what countries that are removing nuclear power have done. They have without exception built more fossil fuel plants.

          • SnarkON

            There are other ways of solving the problem, including advocating for less power use overall, and continuing to work on greener solutions. It’s shortsighted and typically American to decide that the answer to destroying our planet with fossil fuel is to destroy our planet with nuclear power.

          • h4rr4r

            Less power use is not acceptable. if you want to go live in a cave have at it. I don’t.

            Ideally power would be so cheap we don’t meter it. I want a fucking Dyson sphere.

            America is not the country that is building all that new coal power to get rid of nuclear, nor is it the one building oil fired plants to displace nuclear.

          • Lance Thrustwell

            As long as you mean deep space. Too much orbiting space junk already.

          • As Oliver points out in his segment, rocketing nuclear waste out to space is a terrible idea. One explosion and the atmosphere is likely to be irrevocably contaminated.

            I’d have less ambivalence about nuclear power if we had the slightest track record of disposing of the waste competently. We don’t. I’m also pretty sure “fossil fuels versus nuclear” is a false dichotomy, because we get vastly more energy from the sun than we use. Ramp up construction of solar fast enough and we should be able to get all our energy from renewables within a decade.

          • h4rr4r

            We need RTGs, we have no other way of powering these craft. Plutonium is in our atmosphere already.

            Solar like wind needs storage to be base load.

          • The amount of plutonium in our atmosphere now is not comparable to the amount that would be in it after a spacecraft explosion. Toxicity is always a matter of quantity – the dose makes the poison.

            Moreover, given that solar tends to dip in output when wind rises and vice versa, the storage issue isn’t as severe as a lot of people seem to believe. Moreover, insofar as it is a problem, that seems to me to be an argument to pour money into R&D for storage rather than into polluting, limited resources. There is, after all, a limited supply of fissile materials on the planet, but wind and solar will be available as long as there is an atmosphere.

    • yyyaz

      Not only building, but devoting huge sums for R&D, mandating renewable energy for all new construction and ramping up to dominate the market for the next 30 years. While the Braying Orange Ass pilots our ship of state aground on the shoals of coal.

      • h4rr4r

        Another industry they will dominate in the future, because of a little forethought now.

  • Joe Beese

    He’s just a disgusting failure. Other than that, he’s fine.

    https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/900714982823821313

  • Bill D. Burger

    Not on topic…but had to share this. Just noticed this and it’s the dangest and best story I’ve seen all morning. Some cowardly bully jumped this fella’ and three drag queens came to his rescue.

    ‘I was praying for a hero and I got three angels’: Trio of drag queens called Coco Jumbo, Ivy League and Vybe save man, 34, after he was coward punched in Sydney’s gay district
    • A Sydney man has revealed the moment he was allegedly coward punched
    • To his amazement, three drag queens came to his rescue on Oxford Street
    • Coco Jumbo, Ivy League and Vybe grappled with attackers on infamous gay strip
    • In appreciation, Ivan Flinn has set up a Go Fund Me to pay for their ripped clothes
    By Tom Flanagan For Daily Mail Australia
    PUBLISHED: 08:24 EDT, 20 August 2017 | UPDATED: 08:34 EDT, 20 August 2017

    Out of nowhere, Mr Flinn alleges one of the group set upon him before punching him in the face and dislocating his jaw.
    The 34-year-old fell to the ground stunned, but before he knew it, three knights in shining armour came to his rescue in the most unlikely of forms – a trio of dolled up drag queens.
    ‘After the punch I was stunned but the next thing I knew Ivy went in and was scrapping with the guy who punched me. They’re in the middle of the road, cars swerving around them, tooting, and I saw the guy rip her wig off,’ he said.
    ‘I really thought I was going to die, I was praying for a hero and I got three angels.

    ‘Like Destiny’s Child they strutted in and saved me. Punches were flying. Hair was flicking. Nails were breaking. I was stunned on footpath, thankful drag queens exist,’ Mr Finn wrote online.

    Coco, whose real name is Luke Waqa, flung one man into the gutter after he saw Ivy in a spot of bother.
    Ivy claims to have been enraged after overhearing the homophobic slurs and witnessing the alleged unprovoked attack on Mr Flinn.
    And the alias’ two companions also waded in to support as one revealed a sporting history allowed for an air of confidence when approaching the attackers.
    ‘I don’t think they knew what they were getting themselves into. I used to play rugby league.” CoCo said.

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4806842/Three-Sydney-drag-queens-save-man-coward-punch.html#ixzz4qgEL9qUN

    • Lance Thrustwell

      I saw a drag queen run a guy down – in high heels – and whale on him pretty good. A lot of them are tough, I would imagine. Kind of have to be.

      • Bill D. Burger

        Bit like the ol’ Johnny Cash song: A Boy Named ‘Sue’

    • Jeffery Campbell

      I don’t know how many times we have to tell people: Do not mess with the Drag Queens. They are the working definition of FIERCE. This dates back to at least 1969 if not before. Drag Queens are the reason we have any kind of LGBT liberation and will probably be a big part of the reason we keep it.

      • Bill D. Burger

        Stonewall!

    • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

      I bet Coco Jumbo is a true badass, in fashionable shoes!

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      only in Australia is getting jumped “a spot of bother.”

    • Naytch

      I like how they call it “coward punched” instead of gay bashing. Puts it in the perfect frame, homophobes are cowards!

  • Joe Beese

    He better hope there are no “letters”!

    https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/900708110330978304

    • cmd resistor

      What is he talking about?

      • Joe Beese

        Clapper went on the TV and said Trump is too crazy to be trusted with the nukes.

        • TundraGrifter

          Funny – My Clapper turns off the TV.

        • cmd resistor

          That part I knew. I was wondering about the “beautiful letter” and lying to Congress.

        • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

          God, this probably means he’ll find an excuse to use them now.

          “Nuclear Wi(nning)ter”

      • Lance Thrustwell

        My guess is that Clapper sent a make-nice, pro forma letter to Trump right after the inauguration in much the same spirit that Obama and others were like ‘let’s give him a chance’.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      I have an insatiable desire to kick people in the crotch who refer to themselves in the third person.

      • arglebargle

        As does arblebargle.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Let’s team up sometime.

        • Oblios_Cap

          As for Oblio the Magnificent, we feel the same way.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      A guy who lies as much as Dumbass has no footing for calling ANYBODY out on falsehoods. Plus, he’s lying about this, probably.

    • rocktonsam

      lying liar knows a lair when he lies because he has the best lies with words.

  • Nounverb911
    • SnarkON

      Seriously though…who the hell thinks up all of these National [whatever] Days?

      • GoutMachine

        National X Day = sponsored by the national board/federation/coalition of X.

        • SnarkON

          X day? Now that is worth celebrating.

      • Courser_Resistance

        Corporate types to push their shit, pre-prepared junk food

        • Canned Covfefe

          Oh yeah? What about talk like a pirate day? Huh?!

      • bupkus231

        Marketing geniuses….

      • Persistent Tennessee Rain

        When I was in middle management, I kept the list on hand and, whenever I could, would have the team participate. I know it sounds silly, but it was a real morale booster and the team loved it. We really enjoyed National Pizza With Everything (Except Anchovies) Day

        • SnarkON

          My favorite day was always National Give the Corporate Drones a Raise Day.

    • TundraGrifter

      Bummer for Kid Rock.

    • Canned Covfefe

      OMG endlessly dribbling…syrup.

  • Joe Beese
    • cmd resistor

      Maybe it was supposed to be, “To bad, the Dems …..” in a sort of artsy Shakespeare-ish way.

      • Naytch

        Well, he is very smart and went to the best schools… Gigglesnort NVM

    • Oblios_Cap

      Quite the scholar, that one.

    • Nockular cavity

      MAKE AMERCIA GREAET AGAIN!

      • GoutMachine

        Make America grate again.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Thank God Kelly’s finally got him under control.

    • Yellerduck

      Thank you! I missed those this morning and I’ve been looking for them.

    • Rags

      If there was any doubt that Kelly has no control over 4-5’s tweets, this is the pruf.

  • Nounverb911
  • alwayspunkindrublic

    I ask again, why do people think that Kelly laboring to keep Trump from pissing in his own bathwater is a good thing? It’s like a building contractor hiding shoddy electrical wiring behind the sheetrock. You don’t mind until your fucking house burns down.

  • arglebargle

    Anyone got any Dik-Dik jokes?

    • TundraGrifter

      That’s what the First Lady calls it – Two strikes and he’s out.

    • TundraGrifter

      The First Lady calls it that because it isn’t big enough to have room for the “C.”

  • HazooToo

    Also, fuck you NY Times, for putting that headline above a story that isn’t “admonishing them” for actually promoting Trump during the election and dragging Hillary.

  • Nounverb911
    • GoutMachine

      Yeah, not surprising in the least.

    • The Wanderer
    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Sheesh. If he’d just stop repressing himself, he’d be a happier person. We all would.

    • Green Arrow

      Yet another reminder why I always tell people Trump being impeached is not a good answer. Because then you’ll get this guy.

      • GoutMachine

        Ayup. That’s what I fear. As much as a shitshow as Trump is, at least nothing is really getting done. My worry is that Trump gets bounced, Pence gets POTUS, and then the GOP wakes up and remembers that they control two branches of government.

        • Canned Covfefe

          Thisthisthis!!! Your last sentence puts it much more succinctly than I’ve been able to. And it makes it sound more appropriately terrifying.

        • Persistent Tennessee Rain

          I respectfully disagree. He is getting a lot of deregulation pushed through that is harmful to the environment and harmful to poor people and the middle class.

      • Bobathonic

        We already have that guy.

    • Green Arrow

      American right wingers do not fear Middle Eastern theocracies, they’re jealous of them.

      • Rags

        ….and Russian autocracies.

    • Pence would be a real mother-fucker if he had sex with his wife.

      • hudson

        upvoted for motherfucker. this guy is indeed a motherfucker, a sly motherfucker even.

    • Me not sure

      There’s only one thing that I’d like to see Donnie committed to, and that’s an institution.

      • bupkus231

        GMTA – but at least I scrolled down before I posted….

      • hudson

        since a good fraction of junta in prisons are there because of lack of mental health, he should also be in prison a-la hoi polloi.

    • Dutchman
    • hudson

      motherfucking motherfucker

  • Oblios_Cap

    The judge presiding over the trials of five Gitmo detainees accused of conspiring in 9/11 attacks can’t see the Top Secret stuff that might prove reasonable doubt.

    This shit really needs to stop.

    • OutOfOrbit

      moar war crimes by bushco

  • Yellerduck

    Don’t forget to find screenshots of the early morning tweets! Apparently their was many speling errors and grammer to. They’ve been deleted/corrected, but screen shots must exist!

  • Nockular cavity

    It ain’t Wonkette without dik dik jokes.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    While John Kelly has been Chief of Staff, Trump has threatened nuclear war with North Korea, threatened an invasion of Venezuela, threatened the use of force against Iran, suggested he will pardon Joe Arpaio, called Nazis good people, lied about and praised nazis for getting proper permits, verbally attacked John McCain, ignored the deaths of 10 sailors aboard a destroyer named for McCain’s dad and grandpa, attacked the Senate Majority leader, announced a ban on trans people serving in the armed forces via twitter . . . and done no governing of note.

    Why are we pretending that Kelly controls jack shit? Is it wishful thinking? Is it because we are constitutionally incapable of criticizing a general?

    • Me not sure

      I have general malaise.

      • Oblios_Cap

        Jimmy Carter had something to say about that once.

    • jesterpunk

      Why the fuck do we have a president who needs babysitters in the first place? We have Ivanka who is supposed to be the calming influence on Trump, Kelly who is supposed to be controlling him and McMaster who takes turns watching Trump when Kelly is busy doing something else.

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        Well, yeah. That too.

      • Because that one lady wrote an email about yoga that one time.

        • TakingAmes

          And risotto.

  • SnarkON

    GAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH.*

    *pretty much all I have to say this morning.

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      Every time they make Trump read from the teleprompter, he goes nuts the next day.

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        Yeah, whenever he has to act like he’s got it together for a short while; he has to explosively release to pressure.

    • Canned Covfefe

      I’m stealing this.

    • theblackdog

      I am trying to keep my sanity by making terrible jokes with my family because they’re going to be poured on by Tropical Storm Harvey this weekend.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Came here to say that. You beat me to it.

  • Oblios_Cap

    If they’re going to throw debtors in prison for not paying rent, let’s throw the Orange Menace in jail for not paying his contractors. What’s the difference?

    • SnarkON

      Why, one of them is the King of America!

    • I’ve got alot of people I could add to the list of those who don’t pay their contractors. I’m all for it.

    • chortlingdingo

      Look, we all know that laws apply differently to rich people than to poor people.

  • Nounverb911
    • Bill D. Burger

      Need to edit those 10K times he asked, “Who’s gonna’ pay for the wall?”

      Trumpanzees’ roar back: “M E X I C O!!!!”

      Uhhhh….but now…..

      http://i.imgur.com/evLB2l0.gifv

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        this is what i was saying yesterday – just a fucking mega mix of every time he promised, SWORE ON HIS LIFE, that Mexico wouldpay for it.

      • Proud Liberal

        Shit, Chimpanzees are much brighter than Trump supporters.

      • chortlingdingo

        Look at that ridiculous “silent majority” sign. What about those people are silent or a majority?

    • TJ Barke

      You don’t know what a mandate is, Steve.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        It’s what Mike Pence doesn’t want any male servicemen going on, but secretly dreams about for himself.

        • TJ Barke

          Then he has to go flagellate himself for an hour…

        • Canned Covfefe

          All the upfists

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      The fucked up Electoral College may have put IT in the White House but in that he lost the popular vote by 3 million, and given that his popularity since being in office has been seriously tanking, the man has No Mandate.

      Besides, nobody elected him so that the US could pay for the stupid wall. He was pretty damn specific in saying Mexico would pay.

      So shut the fuck up.

    • Fartknocker

      Go fuck yourself Steve and enjoy a nice footwear shopping trip with Joni Ernst at the Wonderbread bread bag store.

      • bupkus231

        Might want to try those Wonderbread bread bag ski masks, too. Just remember to poke holes in them ( with votes ) before you try them on….

        • Msgr_MΩment

          IDK, he seems like a stare-at-the-eclipse kinda guy.

    • Bozilingus

      This Steve King is the most scary Steve King.

    • cmd resistor

      Jerk.

    • chortlingdingo

      God, I can’t even stand looking at the word “mandate” anymore.

    • TakingAmes

      But I thought Mexico was paying for the wall?

  • Green Arrow

    Funny that the right wingers who whine that Nazis being censored is a threat to free speech and free expression seem to be fine with NFL team owners treating Colin Kaepernick like an outcast because he dared to not stand for the national anthem and because he supports Black Lives Matter….

    • GoutMachine

      Protesting is only for white people.

      • Canned Covfefe

        Seriously, why can’t folks just learn this!

      • Dutchman

        Also too, guns.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      If he wants to protest, that’s fine. He just needs to do it without drawing attention to himself, and in a manner that does not upset people.

    • Dutchman

      You think it could be because he’s one of those blahs?

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      If he’d just driven drunk or beat up his girlfriend, he’d still have a job. But because he embarrassed “The Shield”, he gets ostracized.

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        Thank Tebow his shoes were the right color.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Kaepernick didn’t even bother to vote in the last election. I object to him being blacklisted, but other than that, he’s had his 15 minutes, fuck him.

      • Canned Covfefe

        If I thought it was only about 15 minutes of fame I might agree. I don’t think it is.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          I don’t think it is either, but there was self-aggrandizement involved. Learning that the dumbass wasn’t even registered to vote was kind of a deal-breaker for me.

      • chortlingdingo

        He didn’t vote?! People who don’t vote can’t complain about who wins elections.

  • Nounverb911
    • Ghenghis McCann

      Is this the Orange Row in Brighton, the ‘gay capital’ of Britain? I’m sure the population will arrange something for him, if it is.

      • PubOption

        I was afraid that it was somewhere in Northern Ireland.

  • Nounverb911
    • theblackdog

      How about the House as well since all budget bills must originate there?

    • persistently_resistant_gayby

      I’ll take both literal and metaphorical meanings please :)

    • Proud Liberal

      The blues sure as hell ain’t building that fucking wall.

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    Watching a Dutch late night show I missed last night. Their conclusion: Trump’s latest speecht contained 57(!) remarks that were blatantly false. :S

    • Bill D. Burger
      • persistently_resistant_gayby

        I always feel sad seeing Happy Ending gifs.

        A show cut short. :(

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        OUT OF THE 77 PRESENTED!

    • theblackdog

      Only 57? He’s slipping.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Alt-pers.

    • h4rr4r

      A record low!

    • Me not sure

      He’s no Dutch uncle.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Nor a Dutch treat.

        • Robbertjan Brandenburg

          Don’t want to come near his Dutch oven.

          • pstockholm

            Polder? I barely knew her!

          • Rags

            I will not make a pun about dykes……I will not make a pun about dykes…….I will not…

    • Wild Cat

      That’s actual admirable compared to his psychotic minions in the gutter or in our news studios.

  • specialcircumstances

    What??! Somehow Roosh V (return of kinds dude) entered my thought box when getting ready this morning and now he here is. Did I summon him?

    I summoned him didn’t I?

    • TJ Barke

      Yeah, way to go…

      • specialcircumstances

        please accept my apologies. i’m still learning my powers

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      This is what happens when you use canned clams. We’ve tried to tell you.

      • specialcircumstances

        I live near fresh seafood and do not eat canned clams. thank you very much.

  • Bozilingus

    Has anyone made any dik-dik jokes? Too Wonkette lazy to scroll down.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Yes, Mike Hawk was the first to do so.

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      What’s a dikfer?

      • Msgr_MΩment

        2.3 henweigh.

  • Fartknocker

    Corpus Christi Federal Judge tosses out Texas Voter ID law as unconstitutional. Shitmuffins Greg “strangelove” Abutt and Ken Paxton fee-fees are hurt.
    https://www.texastribune.org/2017/08/23/federal-judge-tosses-new-texas-voter-id-law/

    • persistently_resistant_gayby

      How many $$$ are gonna be flushed down the toilet to defend this piss-poor law..?

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        it’s actually like the 4th law TX authorities are having to defend against (and they knew it back when they passed, they’re just willing ot gamble the state’s money on winning them).

        • persistently_resistant_gayby

          Might as well just burn money at polling places while they’re at it – its about the same anyway.

      • Proud Liberal

        AOT, K. The browns and poor must not be allowed to vote.

    • SeeTrain65

      Pass the Kleenex.

      Oh, wait, never mind. I don’t need one after all.

  • Proud Liberal

    Well, it was high time America joined the list of countries that are a living hell. 70,000 American voters made sure that would happen.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    Maybe Jared should hire Maggie Haberman’s mom. Her firm has always done a good job for his father-in-law.

  • pstockholm
  • Bill D. Burger
    • persistently_resistant_gayby

      SOWWY BAMBI!

    • Msgr_MΩment

      “I’m sorry I called you little.”

    • Wild Cat

      “I thought you were Philip K. Dik-Dik.”

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      “I am sorry deer.”

    • Canned Covfefe

      We need this much cuteness. Thanks.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Wow. The editor of the Wall St. Journal doesn’t feel that they are licking Trump’s ass enough. Who would’ve guessed?

    • Bill D. Burger

      The WSJ is now little more than a camper’s emergency toilet paper issued by Rupert Murdoch.

  • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist
  • Amelia Resists and Persists

    https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2017/08/24/us/affirmative-action.html

    “Even With Affirmative Action, Blacks and Hispanics Are More Underrepresented at Top Colleges Than 35 Years Ago”

    Well, it’s a good thing our Justice Department under Jeff Sessions is making sure these fancy learning schools are being fair to the poor, oppressed white kids who would otherwise be screwed out of their places by affirmative action!

    • YoBunnyBunny

      I thought the Sessions of the (in)Justice Department were concerned about the Asians?

    • Canned Covfefe

      Oh hell. I’d ask how can this be but then how can Nazis suddenly be relentlessly brazen and and and

  • Wolf Tracker

    Donald J. Trump‏Verified account @realDonaldTrump 7m7 minutes ago
    The only problem I have with Mitch McConnell is that, after hearing Repeal & Replace for 7 years, he failed!That should NEVER have happened!

    Trump burning all his bridges to the GOP.

    A beautiful sight!

    • OrG

      Watch ’em vote each other to hell!

      • yyyaz

        I would enjoy it more if we weren’t the captive audience.

    • Bill D. Burger

      According to multiple sources, the REAL trouble Orange Foolius’ Fuckface has with McConnell is that Yertle wouldn’t squash investigations into his myriad Russia connections.
      That little bit of rage boiled into evidently an obscenity laden phone call to McConnell and a furious exchange of insults between them. The hate is mutual….and as delicious as unicorn tears.

      • Wolf Tracker

        Yup. He didn’t start complaining about Mitch until that news broke.

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      “I’ll show you for making me read yesterday! RWORSFFFPPHHTTGGRAFFDS!!”

  • TJ Barke
  • Rick Hill

    “Ben Carson may have broken federal law by appearing at Trump’s Rant-a-Palooza”

    I get the feeling they have a list of all the laws and are going down it, making certain they put a check next to them as they try to break ALL the laws

    • Bill D. Burger

      Mental Ben: “Uhhhh…..since I wuz’ asleep through the whole rally, I am not guilty. K?”

      • bupkus231

        He was even asleep during his introductory “warmup” speech

  • yyyaz

    Braying Orange Ass: “We are one* people. … [And if you don’t like it, GTFO.]”
    *value of *one* limited to white, racist, xtain bumblefucks

    • Dutchman

      Pardon me, I believe you forgot “hoofwanking bunglecunts”.

  • Run2Live
  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    Hey, what about that opioid crisis? Turns out that despite all those words coming from Donnie’s mouth hole, he’s done precisely nothing to address it beyond giving a rambling “just say no” speech.

    • Amelia Resists and Persists

      Wasn’t that one of the eighteen jobs he gave Jared? As far as Trump’s concerned, it’s totally handled.

    • chortlingdingo

      Do you think he’s aware that most opioid users get their drugs from legitimate prescriptions from doctors?

      What am I thinking, of course he doesn’t know.

  • Dutchman

    Sadly, this.

    From a NYT newsletter, by Roger Cohen, on the life of a lie:
    You grow numb. You grow weary. I recall discovering a few weeks back that President Trump had lied about two phone calls, one from the president of Mexico and one from the head of the Boy Scouts. The calls, supposedly to congratulate him, did not exist. They never happened. They were pure inventions. Asked if Trump had lied, the White House press secretary, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, said, “I wouldn’t say it was a lie.”
    I actually remember shrugging. The shrug was terrifying. This is how autocrats — or would-be autocrats — cement their power. They wear you down with their lies. They distract you. They want you to believe that 2+2=5. They want you to forget that freedom withers when the distinction between truth and falsehood dies. In a dictatorship there is a single font of “truth”: the voice of the dictator. Remember Trump at the Republican National Convention a little over a year ago: “I am your voice.” And now his voice is everywhere.
    There’s the scripted Trump voice, which is fake. There’s the unscripted voice, which is genuine. The two tend to alternate; call this the choreography of disorientation. It’s confusing, like having a president who isn’t really a president but instead acts like the leader of a rabble-rousing movement. The Oval Office is a useful prop, no more than that. He’s held eight rallies since becoming president in January. The latest was in Phoenix, where he called the media “very dishonest people.” He led the crowd in a chant of “CNN sucks.” He attacked the “failing New York Times.”
    It’s familiar. That familiarity is menacing. It led me to think of my half-repressed shrug at the beginning of this month. Trump has one fundamental talent: a ruthless ability to mess with people’s minds and turn their anger into the engine of his ambition. A dishonest president calls the media that report on his dishonesty dishonest for doing so. This is where we are. This is the danger that Trump represents.
    He said of the Charlottesville violence: “There is blame on both sides.” He equated neo-Nazi bigots with blood on their hands and leftist protesters. For this president, they stand on the same moral place. But when the press reminds him of that, he lashes out. Phoenix was a reminder of that. Don’t shrug.

    TL:DR Trump is Goebbels.

    • Rags

      “For this president, they stand on the same moral place.” NO. 4-5 believes that the neo-Nazis are morally superior and worthy of support as they validate his racism, mysogyny and greed.

      • Spurning Beer

        It’s simple math. There are very fine people on both sides. The very fine people on one side believe they’re clearly superior to nonwhite people. The very fine people on the other side think nobody’s superior. If you average the two positions, the answer is that the first group is a little superior, or that it is unclear how superior they are.

  • theblackdog

    It isn’t just the feds in the Senior Executive Service (SES) who are being affected and are running away from working for the Feds. It’s affecting all levels and plenty of others are either retiring or hanging on until buyouts begin.

    • It’s the right-wing dream of “shrinking government until you can drown it in a bathtub”. Grover Norquist must be sporting a chub 24/7.

      • bbayliss

        Remember when grover norquist ran for office and won in a landslide?
        Me neither.

      • theblackdog

        Ugh, Grover Norquist…there are so many unprintable things I want to say about that slimeball

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Trust fund baby who is justifying tumbrel rides for trust fund babies.

  • ExecutorElassus

    So, because self-care right now is trying to think positively (along with ugly-crying while watching my favorite contestants on America’s Got Talent win applause and confetti while I scream-cry “yes, you are good enough and you should believe in yourself and I’m so proud of you omg“), I’m guessing the chance that the trans-ban survives the multiple lawsuits that are aimed at it is somewhere between “zero” and “lol fuck all y’all get outta my courtroom and diaf.”
    What do you think the over-under is?

  • Green Arrow
  • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly
  • Villago Delenda Est

    Here’s the thing about LBGT types in the military; they’ve basically abandoned the culture associated with LBGT types in the broader society for the military’s culture, which the stuck up the ass fundigelicals don’t have problems with.

  • Christopher Boscarino

    Wonkette knows about Buckaroo Banzai?

    I swear, you guys are my people. No one else seems to know about that film, and it’s one of my favorites.

    • Roadstergal

      No matter where you go – there you are.

      • natoslug

        WHAT WAS THE WATERMELON FOR? He promised to tell us later, but never did. (sob!)

    • Edith Prickly

      Laugh while you can, monkey boy!

    • BeachBum

      Yeah we know. Its not all Attack of the Killer Tomatoes here.

    • Nodrama4mama

      Its really an overlooked classic!

    • Bill Diaz

      ‘Character is what you are, IN THE DARK!’

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pd56CIFSMI4

      Have a great day!

  • eyelashviper
  • Economic and diplomatic power means sanctions and mean words

  • BeachBum

    I am wondering how many policies on Russia do we even have right now ? Does anyone tell Heel Furriheir about them ? I haz a cornfuze. https://www.reuters.com/article/us-usa-ukraine-mattis-idUSKCN1B415F

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    I have nothing. I just like typing “dik-dik”.

  • SadDemInTex

    My spouse suggested this for a cartoonist: 45 looking into the sun..next panel God looking into 45’s head…you see naked women, dollar signs and a very tiny brain.

  • Zyxomma

    So, now we have to come up with cute baby dik-dik jokes? I guess that supersedes vegan baby buttholes and yodeling.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    Jeez. One day’s worth of shit seems to get shittier all the time.

  • UnsaltedSinner

    The Janet Yellen thing is actually really scary, as Trump could do tremendous damage to the economy by replacing her with some randroid goldbug.

  • phoenix00

    > Ben Carson may have broken federal law by appearing at Trump’s Rant-a-Palooza in Phoenix, since it was a campaign rally, and Cabinet members aren’t supposed to be doing campaigns.

    But can you say he was “there” when he clearly slept through the whole thing?

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