SHARE
Callista Gingrich and His Holiness Pope Babar IV
Newt and Callista Gingrich we guess

Remember that time Newt Gingrich went to the hospital to chat about divorce with his first wife Jackie while he was having an affair with his second wife Marianne? Jackie was just there for a little cancer surgery, and according to the Washington Post, it wasn’t some huge surprise, because their marriage was in the shitter anyway, but regardless, it is part of the canon of What A Great Guy Newt Gingrich Is.

Now, we’re not aware of any anecdotes about Newticles visiting his wife Marianne in the hospital and announcing his intention to divorce her, all while he was already making sweet Newton Leroy Gingrich Boner Sexxx to Callista. We imagine Newt prefers each divorce to be a little different from the last! Of course, we have no evidence that he wants to divorce Callista, we’re just saying we wouldn’t be surprised if Newt got all “When In Rome” about his marriage once he moves there with Callista, and by “When In Rome,” we mean he might start fucking the locals. Who can say!

The Politico thing is interesting, if you’re a glutton for Newt Gossip:

When he moves to Rome with his wife, Callista Gingrich, to become husband of the ambassador to the Holy See, the ubiquitous Fox News talking head will have no official diplomatic role abroad, beyond being generally presentable and essentially not heard from.

“Presentable” and “not heard from.” Sounds like Newt Gingrich to us!

Apparently he went to “spouse school,” where he learned how to be a good ambassador’s wife. He’s all excited about getting to pick out the art and the furniture for the embassy, and he says you have to have TWO refrigerators, because one is for hosting guests, which is taxpayer-funded, and the other is the personal stash for whatever Newt Gingrich likes to eat. We don’t know why we’re imagining hundreds of cans of Vienna sausages and a shit ton of Cool Whip, but we are.

Gingrich says he’ll still contribute to Fox News, in case you were having a fretful heart attack over whether or not he’d still be available to share his wisdom.

Otherwise, we imagine he’ll have lots of free time for adultery while he’s over there in Rome being seen and not heard. And if his fourth wife’s name ends up being Giulia, that will just prove how fucking psychic we are over here at the Wonkette. We predicted President Dipshit looking at the sun, didn’t we?

Also, it’s your OPEN THREAD!

Wonkette salaries are fully funded by lovely souls like you! If you love us, click below to fund us!

[Politico]

$
Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

    First!

    • TJ Barke

      What is this? 2007?

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        hey!
        I am an oldz now – and have completely abandoned whatever pretense i ever had of being “cool.”

        • Martini Ambassador 🍸

          Pants pulled up to your armpits or GTFO!

          (Or better yet, no pants)

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            what are these pants of which you speak?

  • TJ Barke

    Because a serial adulterer and multiple divorcee is definitely the kind of person to send to the Vatican.

    • Ill-Advised

      Sends a message, as diplomacy does.

  • coozledad

    Swiss Guard’s code name for Newt: Eh Fangul.

  • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy
  • Serai 1
    • therblig

      UDOTAL – Unhinged Dowagers of Traitors and Losers can go fuck themselves.

      • coozledad

        With a leather antebellum dildo.

        • therblig

          As God is my witness, I’ll never be horny again!

    • coozledad

      Every time I hear “Daughters of the Confederacy” I think of that old woman from Absalom, Absalom in her heavy black dress turning to dust in her parlor.

    • elviouslyqueer
      • coozledad

        Poor Maybelline. Frustration always gives her the dropsy.

    • SadDemInTex

      The Daughters of the Confederacy started shortly after the Plessy vs. Ferguson SCOTUS decision (separate, but equal) which of course solidified all the “Jim Crow” laws and the disenfranchisement of black voters. It was also at the moment when the generation that had actually fought the war had died and the rules related to their “parole” were nullified by death. Robert E. Lee’s son had gotten a judgement returning the land that was now Arlington National Cemetery back to his family (and he promptly sold it back to the US government for $3.5million in 2017 dollars) in 1888. The DoC started in 1894 and the statues in Dallas were put up in 1896. It was absolutely about grinding down PoC (and baby that was a lot of people ). I think this has all been in Wonkette but I think it is important to keep it fresh. The DoC are absolutely a hideous organization that has little redeeming to it. I will bet that they give their scholarships to good little white girls with impeccable (hahahahah) white backgrounds.

      • Serai 1

        The Association for the Beautification of the Graves of the Glorious Dead.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    If they’d only selected Ted Cruz’s wife for Vatican Ambassador. Then he’d only need one fridge for guests and a big ol’ cupboard to hold all the cans of soup.

  • ghastly_fop

    While her politics and choice of men are horrible, she was incredible in Mars Attacks!

    • wait! what?

      Eleanor Roosevelt was too fond of chintz…

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

      Uh . . . so now Bannon is trying to make Kushner take the fall on obstruction, after he was “fired” for his staged “off the record” interview . . . have I got this right?

  • Beanz&Berryz

    I’m liking the thought of Newt being all spousal second fiddle with his big fat trap supposed to be shut…. ha ha ha ha… as IF…

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      I’m just picturing it –

      Callista’s there at some fancy diplomat party, doing her pretentious impression of what she thinks classy italian people are like…then Newt comes bumbling in and awkwardly starts trying to engage someone in conversation about his book or his opinions on anything and Callista turns to him and says, “dear, do shut up.”

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Or just the icy “STFU” look…

      • BrianW

        Or better yet, Callista says something like, “do be quiet dear, the men are talking. Why don’t you go get us something to drink?”

  • Nancy Duggan

    “…announcing his attention to divorce…”

    • EvanHurst

      fixxxxxxxxxed. it’s late afternoon, we are tired.

      • Ill-Advised

        Fixated!

    • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

      Can he get a divorce from the Pope?

      • Bobathonic

        I think they only do annulments and excommunications?

  • Crystalclear12

    Dear Vatican,
    Sorry about the whole Calista and Newt thing but no backsies.
    Sincerely,
    USA

  • memzilla Ω

    O/T Nice Time Hat Trick!!

    Notorious Racist Pam Geller Loses Her PayPal Account!

    Canadian construction worker who flew The Treason Flag at his worksite for “shits and giggles” loses his jerb!

    British spy Christopher Steele, of the famous “Pee Hooker Dossier,” has talked to the FBI and revealed his sources!

    UND NOW VE DANCE!

    • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy
    • TJ Barke

      Hope those sources are in safe houses.

      • YoBunnyBunny

        Or not planning on moving any bathtubs anytime soon…

        • ZangoCrudmonger

          Staying away from windows……….

      • Hope Pammycakes is on a deserted island with only a 55 gal drum of yak semen and a box of lutefisk.

        • calliecallie

          Lutefisk, canned clams, whatever.

          • little miss high and mighty

            Lutefisk Libelz!

      • Shibusa

        Sadly, I think a couple of his sources in Russia died suddenly and mysteriously after that pee-hooker/dossier story hit the news.

        http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2017/01/27/mystery-death-ex-kgb-chief-linked-mi6-spys-dossier-donald-trump/

        Howard Blum’s Vanity Fair article about how Steele compiled the info in his dossier is pretty interesting reading.

        • ColumbusLib

          Yes, quite. Thanks for sharing. I have Bill Browder’s “”Red Notice” and Luke Harding’s “”A Very Expensive Poison” on my ottoman, waiting to be read, but as school has started, they will have to wait. Nothing like true Russian crime stories!

          • Shibusa

            I’m reading Browder’s book right now! The writing is just so-so but the story gallops right along!

    • WomanInThePersistence
    • mancityRed6
      • little miss high and mighty

        Nah, layoff Mike Meyer’s squeamy Germanophobia!
        Austria happens to have a quite generous retirement account system.
        And Germania Magiore has given us:
        Bueys, Mozart (family were full Schwabs- not Salzburgers!), Clare and Bob Schumann, Holbein, Dürrer,Cranach, all 3 Richters, all 7or 9 Manns,Brecht (Augsburger), Die Blaue Reiter,Kraftwerk,The Beatles’ genesis (Indra Club) , Jerry L. Lewis’ 1962 STAR CLUB killing,l.van (freakn’) Beethoven,H.Hesse,F.W Murnau, Lang, Wenders, Herzog (s),Anne Frank (Frankfurter Family), George Elser, The womens’ vote 1919, aaaaaand….
        WACKELPUDDING und tasty Schmarn!
        Meyers tried to assasinate The Cat in The Hat and gave us Simon.
        You choose.

    • jesterpunk
      • Riley Whodat Venable

        Well played.

        • OrdinaryJoe

          Most of them are not being fired for being Nazis. They are getting fired for missing work and showing up at a Nazi rally.

          • Riley Whodat Venable

            Either way.

    • (((fka_donnie_d)))

      She says it’s like “Pre-War Germany” and “Leftists Run Amok”. I’m no historian, but as I recall “Pre War Germany” was not exactly a hotbed of “leftists run amok”.

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        well, Berlin was pretty sexually liberal – according to some movie i saw once.

        • (((fka_donnie_d)))

          Those wacky Nazis!

        • Fancy Meau-Faux

          Cabaret is my favorite musical. It’s got queers and hookers and nazis. Really what more could you want from a musical.

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5QS1l1mSDSo

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            and i hate musicals – i said as much to a film history teacher on the way to our required weekly screening. (he’s a fairly famous film scholar). He said, “i do too! That’s why i picked ‘singing in the rain’. And i too like that movie.

          • Fancy Meau-Faux

            I’m particular about the musicals I like. Sound of Music, Brigadoon, and stuff like that is annoying.

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            i saw oliver in high school and thought it was silly.

            I’ll give a pass to fantasy ones – Mary Poppins for example (although 30 people spontaneously breaking into a choreographed number stretches my suspension of disbelief).

          • Fancy Meau-Faux

            30 people spontaneously breaking into a choreographed number is my favorite thing about Bollywood musicals. Even heavy historical dramas have musical numbers.

            Speaking of Bollywood: Asoka is very worth watching. It’s about a brutal Indian warlord who renounces violence and becomes a Buddhist. It’s a historical drama based on a real person. After coming back from being a soldier in the middle east it had a big impact on me and my conversion to pacifism.

            https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/asoka/

          • Incoming Ham

            I dislike Oliver much less than most. I was singing “It’s a Fine Life” this morning. Reflux has trashed my voice and all my songbirding accomplished was frightening the cats.

          • little miss high and mighty

            Try the greatest musical of all times, this side of Brecht and Weil:
            “URINETOWN, the Musical”
            pure genius!
            Epic theatre style- 4th Wall the whole program
            Favorite of ours here.

          • Incoming Ham

            I did MONTHS of summer stock musicals in my time. It’s a check and you get to be on stage. But you get so sick of them – everyone wants to see Rogers and Hammerstein, Boyce and Hart, ad nauseum. I hae them. It wasn’t likely you would be doing “Rent” in a regional summer stock theater. After a while you make up little names for the standards: Sound of Mucus (music), Kink and Slime (King and I), Oklahellno (Oklahoma) and on and on. It’s the little things that keep you sane in your 200th performance two years running of being Ado Annie in Oklahellno. But hey – I loved acting, so as much as I bitched I must have liked it. Three years worth of several months each.

            And “Annie.” Jesus H Tapdancing Christ – If I ever hear some kid screeching “The Sun’ll Come Out Tomorrow” ever again, it will be centuries too soon.

          • OrdinaryJoe

            i’m still trying to figure out “Hamilton”. Genius or junk? I guess that would go for both the man and the play.

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            ixnay!

            people around here LOVE that play. (i’ve obviously never seen it).

          • OrdinaryJoe

            Yah. It’s a sore spot in my circles. If I say I didn’t really get it, I get a response that makes me feel like a leper. I feel ya, Colin Kaepernick.

          • ColumbusLib

            Genius. Saw it last month in Chicago. I don’t like rap, but it is the perfect genre for this show. Lin-Manuel Miranda is a GENIUS!

          • Snopes Shop

            Genius.

          • little miss high and mighty

            Yeah, McDowell and Kelly’s
            “Moses supposes his toeses is roses

            but Moses supposes erroneously”

          • calliecallie

            I just can’t resist this response. Because it always gives me chills.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=29Mg6Gfh9Co

          • BearDeLaOursistance

            …tacos?

          • little miss high and mighty

            Actually, the film is a horrid distortion of the actual Kabarett scene.
            Please google for Fritzy Maisery, Fritzy Fou, Kurt Bois, The Wolfe Bros, Gita Apär,Max Pallenberg,Blandine Ebinger,Trude Berliner,Otto Berco,KURT GERRON,Max Ehrlich,PAUL GRARTZ,FRIEDERICH HOLLANDER,Dolly Haas,Mago Lion,Oskar Karlweis,WILLY ROSEN,Richard Tauber…etc etc etc.
            KARL (freakin’) Valentin! and LISL (freakinina) Karstadt!….etc etc etc
            This attempt, as with Mike Meyers and Casablancaand hundreds, if not thousands of clichee’d, stereotype, Kitsch und Kramm is , I guess the big reson we US Amis have such a distorted Germanixa in our minds.
            Please get the the real deal
            Please gogle and listen up to the above references- whose legions woud be dynamo rotating in view of Minneli and Grey and this version of Hollywood Kabaret – most of those names you see were murdered in the Schoah- the lucky ones retired to Palm Springs or Palestine.
            Be liberal lefty’s Wonkerrs! please this Germanixa libelz has gone on far too long.
            Some of these misconceptions and presuptions sound just like Ronny Reagan and Phllis Schlafly.
            No, please feed the FREE NEW GERMANY kitty as it passes.
            note: many of us here posting on L.M.H&M are actual Germanicists and US Ami educators.
            Wanna tour? want the truth?
            There is a thing called GOOGLE and ever single one of the great (many Jews) Kabarettist(i)nen are covered thanks to nonrevisionista efforts.
            BBleibt Wohl.
            Alles Gute
            L.M.H&M. at your service.

          • Incoming Ham

            No one should be looking at “Cabaret” as history. No.

          • little miss high and mighty

            Why, because of the current, lively scene?
            Kinseher, Polt, Pelzig, Chris Springer,Andreas, Lerchenberg et al? or just because no one should be looking at Cabaret as history in general?
            I don’ completely understand the should part.

          • Incoming Ham

            I mean one shouldn’t take the Cabaret musical as a literal representation of the German cabaret as it actually existed during that time period.

          • little miss high and mighty

            dang straight!
            You are correct, Incoming!
            As with soooo many Hollywoodies- Fossie’s Minelli vehicle, as as sooo many other kitshkramm reviionisms shoud never be taken literally. Yet such false representations are just where we US Amis obtain our ridiculous presuptions of foreign and historical themes.Sometimes great authors do this, too. Even Shakespeare in a few places.
            Terrantino, being the most eggregeous example of anachronisms. (language, weaponery, behaviors- all poorly researched). (the rifles and speech of his last 2 films! GGGEuch!) Nobody talked like that then-those colt 45’s and repeater rifles! In 1859? The colt 45 dates to 1876. Gen.Custer and co. sure could have used them in July, 1876! Even Sitting Bull had the newer, better arsenal! Just a child director playing out his fantasies and presumptions (like Dysney and his Lemmigs’ suicide canard). Now film fans all think such things were so back then when the reality is so easy to track down and present- and is much more interesting than their presumptions.
            Simalarly thos loud explosions in (otherwise airless space for science fiction). Kids and adults grow up thinking that is how it is. The history is there for them to find but the kitschkramm purveyors find comfort and profit only in their presumptions- just like our polititians and civic leaders.
            Umbrto Eco (an historian!) even put pumkins and violins in his 13th century-set mystery thrillers.
            Presumptions just do not please us in the arts.

            ps: we spell it Kabarett in Germanica, Cabaret is for the French- a slightly different art form.
            Fosse couldn’t bring himself to even get his title correct!

          • Incoming Ham

            I found the movie version too much of a Liza Minelli concert. With the exception of “Tomorrow Belongs To Me,” which is fucking terrifying, it doesn’t really have the impact the stage version does – especially the last scene. The last scene of the Broadway version with Alan Cumming has more impact albiet far far more disturbing.

          • Fancy Meau-Faux

            The stage version has been superior every time I’ve seen it. I’m not a big Liza fan and agree with re: the movie version.

        • Alan Cumming for the everything-fucking win.

    • Ilgattomorte

      My God! It is just like Nazi Germany!

      “First they came for PayPal, but I said nothing, because my account had expired.”
      “Then they came for Google+ and I said nothing because … come on, Google+?”
      “But now they have come for Amazon Prime and it is too late.”

      “Fuck! No more free shipping.”

      • little miss high and mighty

        And the German Higest court decides today on the Monsanto/Bayer merger- that is why cannabis is called “Drugs” in even the liberal papers and why A Merkel and her invisible husband (both Chemical/Pharma Corp professionals with deep investment) would never legalize.
        Amazon is ruining a lot of things hereabouts, especially. and Paypal can scarcely be distinguished from the spam paypal notices.
        Tune in Turn on Drop out.
        Make a revolution -start on your own.
        The only way.

  • lucidamente

    “See, over here, they don’t take down statues of Julius Caesar, and he owned slaves.” *

    (*I have heard right-wing Italian Trumptards make this argument.)

    • coozledad

      I’ve heard wingnut Italians say “Southern Italians are our N.”

      I want to see THAT civil war play out. You won’t be able to buy a motor scooter for decades.

      • lucidamente

        People from Africa and the Middle East have pretty much cornered the market as objects of hate. Italian soccer fans have even been known to throw bananas at African players on the opposing team.

        • little miss high and mighty

          epoch upon epoch of La Buga Bunga politic will do that to you.
          Italy is a sad and beautiful world.

      • little miss high and mighty

        Best Italian weed is grown in Calabria- although half of it is N’Gharetta (sp) Calabrese mafia- velli clan

    • jesterpunk

      Dont they complain that Ceasar being murdered means people hate Trump?

  • TundraGrifter

    Perhaps the poor schmo Sean Spicer will go over for a visit and finally get to meet the Pope.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Trump would figure a way to fuck Spicer from afar… Just out of spite…

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    “We’d have won in 1974 if we could have kept [Newt] out of the office, screwing [the campaign volunteer] on the desk.” — Kip Newton, Campaign Aide, Family Values Afficianado

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Future wife, or wannabe?

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        Wannabe(s), evidently.

    • Bobathonic

      Wow, he really really loves America.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    In the past, the ambassador’s spouse has played a very traditional role. In her memoir, “Vera and the Ambassador,” Vera Blinken, wife of former Hungarian Ambassador Donald Blinken, listed her duties in 1994: “keep a handsome, orderly, home; entertain; and avoid potential criticism by being personally gracious, amiable, and at all times presentable.”

    Yeah, this will work well.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Personally gracious, amiable and presentable? I guess one outta three ain’t bad.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Ummm.. which one?

        • jesterpunk

          And?

        • Spurning Beer

          His grooming is better than Steve Bannon’s. For what that’s worth.

        • msanthropesmr

          present, but not able.

      • mancityRed6

        one? you jest, surely.

      • Bobathonic

        Is that about you? ‘Cause Newtster is batting 0 fer AOT,K.

    • elviouslyqueer

      “Avoid potential criticism.”

      HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

      • YoBunnyBunny

        So… helping themselves to a tall glass of Welch’s Shut The Fuck Up, Please and Thank You???

    • little miss high and mighty

      Says here Francis l is not happy with the Lady G.

  • mancityRed6

    wait, the Stepford wife is in control?

    • Beanz&Berryz

      She’s the Boss of Him now….

      Well, not THAT Him…

      • CindyinEncinitas

        “Honey, just put it on. I just wanna see. Don’t make me cut your allowance…” https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/cbeb1911f29892d6c20ac7c8f5fbd15ffbd05f97314d6e275afb0570ed6ce9f3.jpg

        • mancityRed6

          I’d say them and the French Foreign Legion could conquer the world.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            Swiss SEALS, if they were American

          • mancityRed6

            I didn’t want to go there, but most of Switzerland.

          • little miss high and mighty

            Montreaux Jazz fest?
            Fondue
            Chocolate Wackelpudding!
            Dada and the Cafe Voltaire?
            You be missin out.
            Perfect timepieces.
            Synthetic THC
            Owsley and Sandoz and half of our own satalites?
            Switzerland votes stupid and they are anal retentive, many but they sure has them some loveable alps.
            Super collider deep down .
            Too any guns, though and too much “other-hate” “Ausländerfeindlichkeit”
            Switzerland is a peculiar blend.

        • Longstreet63

          While you’re laughing at their silly duds, you have been surrounded by grim faced men with machineguns…and silly duds.
          Do not screw with the Swiss Guards.

          • coozledad

            “We never saw them coming!”
            Clyde Beatty.

        • Nockular cavity

          Gotta love the Renaissance. “Hey, let’s put on the most clownish clothes possible before we start hacking each other to bits!”

        • little miss high and mighty

          Do not mess wit dem Swiss Gards.
          Seriously.
          Michaelangelo designed those extremely sharp (far)outtfits.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    Gingrich says he’ll still contribute to Fox News, in case you were having a fretful heart attack over whether or not he’d still be available to share his wisdom.

    What part of “NOT HEARD FROM” was not clear?

  • foiled again

    Wonder what Frank said when he met the new ambassador to the Vatican?
    I’d like to think it was, “Will somebody please open a window?” in Latin.

    • jesterpunk

      I think it will be something like this.

      Regna terrae, cantata Deo, psallite Cernunnos, Regna terrae, cantata Dea psallite Aradia. caeli Deus, Deus terrae, Humiliter majestati gloriae tuae supplicamus Ut ab omni infernalium spirituum potestate, Laqueo, and deceptione nequitia, Omnis fallaciae, libera nos, dominates. Exorcizamus you omnis immundus spiritus Omnis satanica potestas, omnis incursio, Infernalis adversarii, omnis legio, Omnis and congregatio secta diabolica. Ab insidiis diaboli, libera nos, dominates, Ut coven tuam secura tibi libertate servire facias, Te rogamus, audi nos! Ut inimicos sanctae circulae humiliare digneris, Te rogamus, audi nos! Terribilis Deus Sanctuario suo, Cernunnos ipse truderit virtutem plebi Suae, Aradia ipse fortitudinem plebi Suae. Benedictus Deus, Gloria Patri, Benedictus Dea, Matri gloria!

  • msanthropesmr

    Our local furries are outraged by the fact that Callista might be one too.

    • mancityRed6

      that is a road I don’t want to go down. thanks.

      • msanthropesmr

        Hey man – what people do with their ding dong and hoohahs ain’t none of my business. Just keep it outta my face.

        • mancityRed6

          I’m cool, and I don’t judge
          *looks at internet history*
          oh hell no, I don’t judge.
          I just don’t want to hear about it.

        • foiled again

          Now, flabby habby babbys, that’s another thing.

      • Crystalclear12

        Too late!
        You already went there in your head, didn’t you?

        • mancityRed6

          darn you
          darn you to heck

    • theblackdog

      Now there’s a fursuiter I do not want to hug!

  • Shibusa

    The only way Newt can be considered a Roman Catholic is if he sleep walks.

    • Spurning Beer

      There are times when he is not masturbating, surely. Or cursing the Holy Spirit.

  • Crystalclear12

    It occurs to me that at this point our ambassadors are probably about as welcome as a flaming bag of pooh.

  • wait! what?

    Pfft, I’m done with the Patriots.

    https://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/nfl/patriots/2017/08/22/new-england-patriots-donald-trump-robert-kraft-super-bowl-ring/588949001/

    Patriots gave President Trump Super Bowl ring as thank-you for White House visit

    • msanthropesmr

      Gosh fellas, I like this as much as the purple heart I got.

    • Shibusa

      Now Trump and Vlad have matching rings!

      • msanthropesmr

        Great, now the Soviets are trying to influence our football?

        • whitroth

          That would be silly. The rest of the world doesn’t care about it. They only care about Real Football (that’s “soccer” in American).

    • Longstreet63

      Great. Now we get to hear how he singlehandedly won the Superbowl by the largest margin ever.

    • Antonin Dvorak

      Not the Patriots, Robert Kraft. I doubt Julian Edelman or Tim Wright had any say in this.

      • wait! what?

        Agreed.

    • Bozilingus

      This will end up with Putin, anyway.

    • Royal Ugly Dude

      Too big for his tiny fingers. Better give it to Vlad.

    • TJ Barke

      Suck ups.

    • Longstreet63

      I’d like to think that ring spent time in every single player’s rectal cavity before they handed it to him.

    • TheGrandWazoo2
    • little miss high and mighty

      Yeah and Kraft gave his to Putin who did not give it back
      (guess i should have looked at the whole scroll, sorry!

  • elviouslyqueer

    Poor Francis. With Newt around, his face is going to stay frozen in glum:

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/05bb036ee84dc7c99a917f4ea9903612aed79df2a2c4195370aa8ead212d78d3.jpg

    • foiled again

      Pedicabo ego hic homo”

      • Covfefe

        Ah. This is a family mommy recipe blog. Just sayin.

  • WomanInThePersistence

    Yeah, this is going to work out well.

    https://youtu.be/dQ8NMF15INw

    • little miss high and mighty

      “questa sistema e ucide!”

      No surprise
      Francis is on our side.
      Just one more reason to knock off the God-shaming on this and other sites.
      e need Catholic, Jewish, Moslem, Goy, Naturre Animist votes.
      not just God-shamers!

  • puredog

    “hundreds of cans of Vienna sausages and a shit ton of Cool Whip”
    Actually, that’s what they keep in the bedroom refrigerator.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      And the nicknames for their fun parts…

  • cmd resistor

    So, Trump is not going to pardon Sheriff Joe, at least tonight, according to Sarah. H. S. http://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/news-other-administration/347542-trump-wont-pardon-sheriff-joe-arpaio-at

    • jesterpunk

      Until he changes him mind because he remembers Obama’s birth certificate that Sheriff Joe found.

    • Resistance Fighter Astraea

      So there’s still at least a 50-50 chance that he will.

      • ariel_gee_398

        I think a spokesperson saying that he definitely won’t ups the odds he will to at least 75-25.

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      pffft, it’s Sarah saying what the president will or won’t do…I don’t believe it.

      If anything it’s to make the “show” much m ore “exciting” when he finally does it tonight.

      • Longstreet63

        It will be funny when he finds out you can’t actually issue a legal pardon on Twitter.

        • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

          “dammit, i gotta sign something on paper?” – DJT

          • cmd resistor

            So he’ll have forgotten the “pardon form” and the folder to show it with.

        • birdbrain53

          OMG. I nearly spit out the water I was drinking!

      • cmd resistor

        That possibility did occur to me, that he’d do it anyway.

        • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

          good – we’d thought you lost your head there for a minute and actually BELIEVE these people.

          ; P

          • cmd resistor

            I was kind of surprised they’d say anything one way or the other. Supposedly he got crappy ratings for his speech last night so he will need some suspense to get people to watch this one.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      He’ll do it tomorrow.

  • elviouslyqueer

    all while he was already making sweet Newton Leroy Gingrich Boner Sexxx

    Well, so much for dinner tonight. Or tomorrow.

    • msanthropesmr

      It’s how us Wonkers stay thin!

      • elviouslyqueer

        Less binging, more purging!

        • Msgr_MΩment

          Binging?!?! All this time I thought it was’banging’.

          Oopsies.

  • geoffalnutt

    She reminds me of something out of The Jetsons.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • Longstreet63

      At that point, tell everyone that Obama did it.
      And don’t forget to remind everyone about your electoral college victory!

    • mancityRed6

      Yay! tomorrow it is!

    • Crystalclear12

      I remember when The Onion did satire and not real news.

  • Scooby

    Great! Now Newt is going to get even fatter.

    • msanthropesmr

      His waist I am not concerned with. His evil moon based mind, I am.

      • whitroth

        Yes, but the heavier he is, the more likely he is to have serious enough health issues that he gets to meet whatever….

        And I want to be on the Moon, and he is NOT welcome.

  • Bozilingus

    Callista and Newt have their first visit at the Vatican.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oXeqAmSXmZY

  • ariel_gee_398

    She’s wearing so much makeup she makes the googly-eyed elephant look understated.

  • WiscoJoe

    Is this a good place to share that I’ve started working on a musical about the life of Callista Gingrich? Songs include “In the Makeup Chair (The Helmet Hair Song),” “You Can’t be Cinderella at Your Own Inaugural Ball,” “I’m Dating a Newt (The Mistress Song),” “Me, an Internet Meme,” “Don’t Shut Down My Love” and “Your Impeachable Heart.”

    I was going to end the musical with Callista’s confirmation hearing, as she reflects on her smalltown Wisconsin roots contrasted with the opulence of the Vatican and on her infamous role as Newt’s mistress with becoming ambassador to the Holy See, but now I feel like “Newt at Spouse School” needs to be written into the second act.

    • ariel_gee_398

      Don’t forget “The Auschwitz Step and Repeat.”

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Maybe you can include this?

      https://youtu.be/pvhYqeGp_Do

      • Serai 1

        Such fond memories of singing this during recess at my Catholic school.

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos



      that’s something I’d see.

    • Jenny

      Oh please deliver!

      • WiscoJoe

        I’ve already outlined 30 songs (!!!!!), which is way too much for something this silly. For some reason, inspiration hit and it all just came to me almost fully formed. (Full disclosure, Callista grew up about 30 miles north of me, so I’ve been fascinated with her for a long time.)

        • Mehmeisterjr

          I suggest reviving one of those old exploitation devices and advertise it as featuring Hairspray Vision.

          • WiscoJoe

            Ha, that’d be great. There’s definitely a lot of hairspray. Also, following the 2012 primary, she’s got a break down number where all the Calista internet memes dance around her.

          • Mehmeisterjr

            In the Smell-o-vision days (and I was actually going to movies at the time, though not to “Scent of Mystery”) they pumped appropriate odors into the theater at key moments. For the price of a can of Aquanet per performance, you could capture the true essence of Calista.

            A raffle for a tub of Dippity-do could also be an audience pleaser.

    • WiscoJoe

      Other highlights include the first act number “Politics, My Dear” where Congressman Steve Gunderson explains to a young Callista (then his congressional aide) that being a closeted homosexual is the same thing as being a politician. This comes after a scene where Callista tries to seduce Gunderson in her lifelong quest to become First Lady in the song “But First, Lady.”

      There’s also big Disney-style showstopper in the second act where Ellis the Elephant comes to life and explains the rise of Trumpism.

    • marxalot

      Flashbacks! Or a framing device. Oh no shit do it backwards, like in “The Last Five Years.”

      • WiscoJoe

        My hook is that Callista grew up wanting to be a singer, but after a disastrous solo audition at the Luther College Choir she decides her path to fame and fortune is politics. So I’m contrasting the small town gal with show-biz dreams with the political realities, and how it all comes crashing down on her when her celebrity glitz makes her look like a helmet-haired hussy in the 2012 primaries. Then of course there’s her triumphant comeback as Trump’s ambassador.

        • marxalot

          Needs a “I’ll get there/how did we get here” set and reprise.

          • Mehmeisterjr

            If I might suggest a number for Callista! The Musical. Admittedly, you might have a hard time getting the rights from the R&H organization.

            ♫ Let’s fart at the very beginning,
            A very good place to fart.
            When you spell you begin with a, b, c.
            When you count you begin with 1, 2, 3.
            1, 2, 3,
            Your first three wives just happen to be,
            1, 2, 3,
            1, 2, 3,
            1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7….
            One, your teach’, your high school teach’.
            Two, an aide who got M.S.
            Three, a beej beneath the desk.
            Four a wife to follow three,
            Five, a wife to follow four,
            Six, a wife to follow five,
            Sev’n, who knows, a boyish priest?
            Which will lead to eight, nine, ten and so forth…. ♫

          • WiscoJoe

            Problem is is that she’s pretty much abandoned her roots. She seems almost embarrassed by where she came from.

            There’s a second act number where after the Gingrich flameout in the 2012 primary, the media blames her for being too out of touch and focused on wealth and she responds with “The Diamonds from a Girl from Wisconsin Polka.”

            There’s a series of reprises (“But First, Lady”) showing her evolution into wanting to become First Lady and the sacrifices she’s willing to make (ie, stick with Newt). That reprise is then twisted when the religious right attacks her in 2012 for being a mistress (“But First Lady?”).

      • Msgr_MΩment

        A flashback, a la 100 Years of Solitude, while facing the “voting” squad.

  • Riley Whodat Venable

    Thanks Evan.
    If you recall he started the affair with Calista because he was so patriotic. He was working so hard on the “Contract with America” that he couldn’t go home to his wife. Or some shit.

    • msanthropesmr

      This weiner is for America!

    • TJ Barke

      That is so fucking dumb… Who would really believe that crap?

      • Bobathonic

        Callista?

        • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

          Fox News? (and their audience?)

        • Beanz&Berryz

          Ambassador Callista.

      • OutOfOrbit

        tRump voters

      • Riley Whodat Venable

        Calista?

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      yeah, because of his love for America…IIRC.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        “Patriotism boner”

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Loving the one he was with, like a common hippie.

  • msanthropesmr

    She keeps on kissing the newt, but he doesn’t turn into a prince.

  • La forza del resistino

    Donald is to speak to the faithful in a Phoenix night time rally. Promises to donate the first presidential tiki torch to the Smithsonian.

    • msanthropesmr

      Smells like citronella.

  • Joe Beese

    Senator Mitch McConnell, the majority leader, has not spoken in weeks with President Trump, and has privately questioned if he can salvage his presidency.

    https://www.nytimes.com/2017/08/22/us/politics/mitch-mcconnell-trump.html

    • msanthropesmr

      Lemme make this simple, Mitch. No.

    • whitroth

      “Salvage” That’s after the shipwreck, and they dive down to get stuff to sell?

      • msanthropesmr

        His hair is flotsam. His spray tan, jetsam.

    • elviouslyqueer

      It’s a little hard to salvage something that’s thrown itself off a cliff. Not that you’d want to anyway.

    • TJ Barke

      You fuckers backed the wrong horse.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef
      • wait! what?

        Ooh, no. The torpedo explodes beneath the surface and when all the water rushes into the explosion bubble the ship gets snapped in half.

      • little miss high and mighty

        USS Bedford incident?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Salvage? Call the scrap yard.

    • little miss high and mighty

      he does not want a continuation of il Duce secondo’s rain of error
      He wants Pence or Ryan or(fine, fine organ man) Hatch – much easier for the Rep Ugly Cans at midterm.
      We, on the other hand need the Rupuklicans to run on the orange plague’s record- not clean Mike’s or melodic Orrin’s

  • Thiazin Red

    Damn, my driver’s licence has been expired too long so now I’ve got to start from scratch and get a learner’s permit. Hopefully, I can get one of those non-driver IDs while I’m waiting to get my new passport back. I haven’t needed it because I live in Manhattan so I haven’t driven in like 12 years, and the only time anyone looks at my ID is for travel.

    It would suck if parallel parking is on the driving test since I haven’t actually done that since I was 16 at my first exam.

    • whitroth

      Wimp. I once had someone’s jaw drop when I parallel parked a 26′ truck in Chicago, with all of our stuff in it…..

      • marxalot

        I once, for a friend, put an early 2000s Chevy Malibu into a tight curb spot in a DC neighborhood known for its aggressive parking. The driver had to come get me to get it out again when she wanted to leave.

      • foiled again

        A CDL you’ve got?

        • whitroth

          Nope. A 26′ is the largest you can rent without one. But I’ve had the misfortune to have relocated five fucking times halfway across the continent, and four of those times used a 26′.

          When one of my daughters moved a year or so ago, she was ok, w/ her b-i-l picking up the 20′ with her… but once it was packed with everything she owned, she wanted *me* to drive it.

    • msanthropesmr

      Just ride up on the curb.

    • OutOfOrbit

      your doomed

      • msanthropesmr

        Your doomed what? Driving test?

        • OutOfOrbit

          the test THE TEST! we donut do tests here

    • Crystalclear12

      Remember, they call them bumpers for a reason.

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        Just hope you don’t get an audience. It’s long but worth watching for a few minutes
        https://youtu.be/tf4TIWECZ30

    • jesterpunk

      Rent one of those cars that can parallel park on their own.

      • Thiazin Red

        No way, thats how you get Maximum Overdrive.

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      i don’t think they even do driver’s tests in most places anymore.

      If you had it once, chances are they would just reissue you a new one, or is that not true in NY state?

      • kareemachan

        Oh, believe me, they have them in WA state and NY.

        • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

          oh god, sorry y’all. I’ve literally never taken one.

          In texas, at least 20+ years ago, if you took the driving classes, you had to do somemany hours on the road with the instructor. I’m guessing if you passed, you didn’t have to take a driving test, cause I never did.
          (nor when I got a FLA DL nor when I came back and got my current TX DL).

          • suziq

            Well THAT explains…something? How many states don’t require a drivers test at all?

          • Latverian Diplomat

            Apparently, Driver’s Ed is the one part of the public school system Texans are convinced really works. Maybe it’s all the praying and calling out to “Jesus!”.

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            lol – it’s actually not a part of the public school system. (I guess some places have it as a class in h.s.?)

            They’re almost all little companies that do it.

          • little miss high and mighty

            Driving school is tough herabouts in €U one such down the road and over the hill from here has a funny title.
            A family whose name translates exactly to the English word for Intoxication. Very popular D.S.

          • foiled again

            From my experience, that would be Minnesota.

      • Thiazin Red

        Its been five years since it expired.

      • birdbrain53

        California still has driving tests.

    • Jamoche

      Take the test in August with a big-ass piece of Detroit steel like a ’77 Grand Prix – 17′ long, AC that put such a drain on the engine that I never used it. Forgot it was there, actually, until we pulled around to the parallel park setup and the officer said “forget it, no way am I sitting through you parking this monster in this heat.”

      It’s not like you need to use it in Ft Worth – it was 20 years before I had to try again, and that was in a Mini. Piece of cake.

      • marxalot

        There is always somewhere to park in Fort Worth. You just gotta believe.

        • Canned Covfefe

          Just pray to the goddess Asphalta.

        • Jamoche

          There might be one or two downtown streets with parallel parking, but I’m sure they’re still just a few blocks away from a parking lot.

    • Manders

      I’m in the same position. I was sick when mine expired, and by the time I got better . . . too late.

      And of course, the DMV gives no forks that you were sick. So I gotta start over in NJ, where the process is especially annoying.

      (Also a former New Yorker here, who moved across the border a few years ago and has been procrastinating like crazy on the license thing, mostly b/c you have to “practice” and we don’t own a car. I had 23 years of driving experience and a clean record. All gone. [pouty face])

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Just make sure you have more documentation than you think you’ll need and for the love of god bring your SS card.

    • wait! what?

      Rent a car that auto parks for you.

    • jowgajen

      Take a lesson.

    • little miss high and mighty

      just park it! The proper response to deep Water Horizon and The Exxon Valdiz!
      Start a revollution- move to a place wherefrom you can public transport or ride your horse to work or play. (advice from veteran Hackdriver, Jumbo, here at L.M.H&M.)

  • whitroth

    Damn, he’s still commenting for Faux Nazi News? I thought the US had seen the back of him, this way….

    And “discuss the divorce”? I’d always read that he served her divorce papers while she was in the hospital for chemo (and having had chemo, if she was in the hospital for it, it was *really*, *really* serious…. Couldn’t he have waited for her to die…?

    He is such a vile piece of unfermented shit.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    So, Marianne was diagnosed with MS, which was stressful for her since she was largely responsible for the family finances, and she’d just signed papers allowing Newt to use family assets to pay off the ethics fines on his fake book sales. So she went to visit her mom, and Newt broke up with her by phone call.

    Of course, she took up with him while his first wife was raising his kids and putting him through a doctorate, so not a moral giant, but he’s got a real gentlemanly way of making even the worst women look classy by comparison.

    • Thiazin Red

      Yeah, you can’t really take the moral high ground about cheating when you were a mistress.

      • Canned Covfefe

        Of course you can. The wife was, having an affair, only interested in the kids, wouldn’t have sex, was crazy, was fat, didn’t understand him… Feel free to add to the list.

        • jowgajen

          Dying of cancer.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      That is a warm, searing summary…

    • foiled again

      Everything about this guy is a Carnival of Grossness.

    • elviouslyqueer

      “use family assets to pay off the ethics fines on his fake book sales.”

      Oh girl NO. I don’t care how good he is in the sack, you don’t leverage family assets to pay off your husband’s ethics violations.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Particularly cruel because she’d only just fought them into solvency because she had to pay the child support and alimony for his previous family.

  • marxalot

    This guy again.
    Deploy the Brolly Bunny, somebody.

  • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

    So I was just noticing that Trump’s twitter account has been losing follows.

    I could sworn he was up to 39M “followers” a few months ago – yesterday he had I think 37.1 and today he has 36.4M.

    Are they cutting all the bots or are people finally waking up?

    • TJ Barke

      Both?

    • Antonin Dvorak

      Bots, and all the CEO’s what left him.

    • La forza del resistino

      Bannon, Priebus, Spicer and all their imaginary friends?

    • Gorillionaire

      Russians still waiting for their rubles?

    • YoBunnyBunny

      He’s blocking everyone now?

    • Crystalclear12

      Twitter is also cleaning out Nazis.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      That’s three million people who swear they’ve been following Gary Johnson this whole time.

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        lol.

    • foiled again

      Nawp- they’re going back to sleep.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    Doesn’t Pope Frank get to reject a proposed ambassador? This would be the perfect time, all I’m saying.

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      bah, he seems too nice of a guy.

      It’d be delicious though, wouldn’t it?

    • msanthropesmr

      No – we want Father Guido Sarducci as ambassador.

      • mancityRed6

        amen

    • kareemachan

      Yeah, the third wife of an adulterer and being an adulteress herself – NOT to mention the helmet hair (shudder) might have given him pause.

    • foiled again

      Those rejected are shot out of a Canon.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        That’s just Bull.

  • Joe Beese

    No Arpaio pardon expected tonight.

    • TJ Barke

      So you’re saying there’s a chance?

    • Beanz&Berryz

      The Fat Man isn’t done singing yet…

    • OutOfOrbit

      mebbee he already pardoned & just didnut tell US

    • Thiazin Red

      Someone should tweet at him that he doesn’t have the balls to do it right now. He’ll get a pardon then.

    • WIDTAP

      I am surprised at that. I thought sure that Trump was itching to try to incite the protesters after he was embarrassed by the broad condemnation of his “both sides” response to Charlottesville. A few fistfights later and he could go back to a message of the necessity for a “law and order” approach for “those people”.

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        i’ve still got a shiny nickel saying he does it for all the reasons you mentioned and more.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      We didn’t expect him to say that there were some neo-Nazis that were fine people, either.
      Until he wanders off the stage, all bets are off.

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        He feeds off the crowd and they feed off him. It’s pure mob psychology. Anything could come out of his little anus mouth.

    • eyelashviper

      Will he unveil his see thru wall? It should be easy to transport and show off..

    • Flashman

      I just hope Arpaio’s cellmate is someone called “El Psycho.”

      • little miss high and mighty

        with bright pink undies.

  • theblackdog

    Today was the day the SNES Classic went up for pre-orders with several retailers. Every single one of them managed to completely fuck it up in some way.

  • mancityRed6

    OT ’cause I’m not gonna put it on my brother’s story…he’s a Williams, we’re all cool
    http://crooksandliars.com/2017/08/bannon-impersonator-punks-breitbart
    PUNKED: Bannon Impersonator Fools Breitbart Editors

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Now I really need to hear what the unsubstantiated Ivanka smear is. Thanks, CNN.

  • jesterpunk

    If anyone is in Austin Texas there is a new bar that might be cool to go to.

    http://www.kvue.com/news/local/supernatural-star-and-family-to-open-new-brewpub-in-dripping-springs/466232761

    If you’re a fan of Austin’s craft beer scene, you know there are more breweries popping up than ever before.

    And one of the newest is being built by ‘Supernatural’ star, Texas native, and Austin resident, Jensen Ackles. He and his family are opening up a brewpub in Dripping Springs near Hamilton Pool.

    It’s called Family Business Beer Company, it includes Ackles’ wife and brother-in-law, Gino Graul.

    “We’ve always kind of loved craft beer and been able to kind of bond,” General Manager Gino Graul said.

    For the co-owner, quality family time is best spent over a few drinks.

    “It probably originated about five years ago with myself, my brother-in-law and my sister. We were just doing some backyard BBQ,” he said.

    • mancityRed6

      only if they have beers called “holy water” and “demon juice”

      • jesterpunk

        Jared Padalecki and Misha Collins would have to be involved if they went with that name.

        • mancityRed6

          don’t ruin my dream, dammit

    • Thiazin Red

      Please say that they also sell pies.

    • bupkus231

      So, what particular expertise does Jensen Ackles bring to this endeavor? I’d give his BIL the benefit of a doubt, but…

      • jesterpunk

        He drank a lot on Supernatural?

    • YoBunnyBunny

      Uh oh! I feel a Supernatural mini-binge coming on tonight!!!

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      soooo, BBQ beer?

      (p.s. that’s the TV station I worked for back int he day).

      • jesterpunk

        Oh nice, yeah looks like its going to be a BBQ and beer place.

        • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

          no, i was floating the idea of BBQ-flavored beer!

          • jesterpunk

            Bacon flavored beer is a thing already, so I don’t see why BBQ beer wouldn’t be possible if it’s not already a thing.

          • marxalot

            I’ve had a mole stout, so yeah, sure.

    • TJ Barke

      I wanna open a cannabis cafe…

  • Treg Brown

    “Apparently he went to “spouse school,” where he learned how to be a good ambassador’s wife.”

    Can I please start calling him “Cuck” Gingrich now. Please?!!

    • mancityRed6

      knowing what he did in the ’80s and ’90s, polite society doesn’t like what I call his bloated carcass.

      • Treg Brown

        That you’ve mentioned his bloated carcass is satisfying enough.

        • mancityRed6

          not nearly. I have oh so many other words for that sack of…yeah.

          • Treg Brown

            Buy you a beer sometime, and we can compare our other words.

          • mancityRed6

            I’ll take that beer, but I’m fairly certain you know them all, already.

    • Let’s not start using the language of the enemy idiots, k?

  • La forza del resistino

    Callista’s helmet hairdresser was refused a Vatican visa for Italian good taste reasons.

    • OutOfOrbit

      that “hair” can be deployed as a weapon yuhknow

  • WIDTAP

    Gingrich is Trump’s poke in Pope Frank’s eye for making that fat joke about Trump in front of Melana

  • Robert James Nugent

    Newt, seen, but not heard. Bliss!

  • eyelashviper
  • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

    since this is OT: maybe y’all can teach the autocorrect on my phone what sentence was the more likely one i was writing:

    “what happened”
    “what halal red”.

    Thank you.

    • jesterpunk

      Have you been reading Trump speeches? That always messed up auto correct.

    • mancityRed6

      I dunno about you, either could be flue.

    • Flashman

      I assume you meant “twat hell bled.”

    • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

      “shrdlu halal shrdlu”

  • One would hope that Italian women have better taste than that…

  • Serai 1

    Interesting piece on the impossible bind that Democrats – Hillary a recent example –
    find themselves in when it came to religion.

    Hillary-the-Preacher, and why journalists can’t let go of the “Democrats Don’t Get Religion” story

    The writer puts care into pointing out that after fourty years of bashing, no matter what Hillary did, she was going to get shit on. She knew it, so there was little point in sticking her neck out for the chopping block.

    • Anna Rompage

      From everything I’ve read, Hillary lives a little more true to the words of jeebus, than the vast majority of those cranky old conservative Christians that see to believe the Old Testement is still somehow relative…

      • Serai 1

        Quite a bit more, as I understand it. It’s fucking hard to dwell in the houses of power and stay morally pure, since compromise is what politics is all about. That’s how shit gets done, which is why I always question purism of any stripe – do you want to get things done or not?

      • little miss high and mighty

        Jesus Libelz!

    • Jamoche

      The Republicans who vote based primarily on religion would never accept that a liberal could be religious, regardless of who they are and how often they go to church. They’re the reason they got the nickname Real True Christians over at Slacktivist – like news, they think everyone else is fake.

      • jesterpunk

        They even hate the new Pope because he is liberal.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          Well, the previous guy joined the Hitler Youth – explicitly, this was his story, not mine – because you couldn’t get the good scholarships unless you were a member. Then he went to war against Vatican 2 because there were fewer people between him and the top on the revanchist side.

          So, just saying, if you think the moral authority doesn’t belong to the post, and it does belong to Palpatine, I’m looking side-eyed at you.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            He was what, 12? When he joined Hitler youth. It’s not like there were options. Honestly, I will not blame a child who is forced to become a soldier.

            The anti-Vatican 2 bullshit I will strongly call him out on.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            He wasn’t forced. He’s said himself, he joined because if he hadn’t he would have been shut out of educational opportunities.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Right. Because that’s not even slightly coercive.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            I believe we’ll have to agree to disagree about whether a man who tried to rewrite the world so that Ronald Reagan represented the apotheosis of Catholic doctrine deserves a by on choosing to guard work camps because it was more important to get ahead than it was not to be a nazi.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            As I stated, I’m fine with calling out his adult actions. Because they were terrible. He was a truly shitty pope. And his work for John Paul was dreadful. Was his world view colored by the world he grew up In? Certainly.

            But the life choices of an early adolescent growing up in a totalitarian hell-hole will always be skewed. And while I dislike him very much, I simply can’t go there.

            Agreed. We disagree.

    • Thiazin Red

      Well republican christianity is all about seeing how much you can punish the less fortunate while feeling superior, so in that sense they don’t.

    • little miss high and mighty

      Yes, we have dug ourselves into a deep hole with people of (every)faith.
      The new Americans with their Muslim, Catholic, Buddhist, Nature Animism etc etc are offended by our (on the leftyside) disparagements of church goers ad our famous God(s)shaming.
      You want to chaase away more potential support- just keep up the godshaming.
      See how many disparagers poll for us at midterms.
      HRC found (bill’s?) rreligion a little bit too late.
      But, again we leftysiders learn slowly when it comes to universal tolerance, huh?

      • Serai 1

        Um, there are PLENTY of religious people on the “leftyside”, dude. Including ME.

        • little miss high and mighty

          Thanky, much.
          Maybe you can understand my frustration when I watch sadly as my Leftyside brothers and sisters scare off any religious thought.
          We always though the left is where we all went to find inclusiveness- instead we find waaaay too much God-shaming and that is no way to turn things at midterm and beyond.
          Nobody gets anywhere by putting down anyone’s god or faith and by offending spiritually or religiously -inclined leftists- you’ll just make them stay home on ballot day. Why is that simple thing so hard to understand?
          I thought we were all tolerating everything except intolerance.
          I mean- just how important is all the self-defeating cynicism?
          Wanna know who else was religious? MLK- Emmerson, Bach, Ghandi- EINSTEIN just to name a few saints.

  • nothingisamiss

    Naw, c’mon. That dude’s impotent. Even Viagra can’t do it for him now.

  • TJ Barke
  • Manhattan123

    I hope the Pope fucks bigly with these two. He didn’t look thrilled when Trump visited, I can only imagine what he thinks of the new ambassador and her consort.

    • mancityRed6

      this pope is damn cool.
      sleeping in the lesser quarters?
      going out at night and actually talking to the people?
      yes.

      • Manhattan123
        • mancityRed6

          “turn the other cheek” never looked so mean.

        • redarmyzombie

          “Oh Lord, give me strength…”

        • proudgrampa

          B-b-but wait! That woman on the left is Jewish!

        • foiled again

          The Munsters +1

      • Carpe Vagenda

        He also opened up free laundry facilities and public showers with supplies available for the homeless in Vatican City.

        • Crystalclear12

          Well, cleanliness is next to godliness.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            It’s also next to impossible if you’re homeless. Our scant public restrooms in NYC have notices that you can be arrested for bathing at the sinks.

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            in miami beach they used to shower at the ones put up for people at the beach. (it wasn’t always pretty)

    • WIDTAP

      Pope Frank ain’t the condemning kind of guy.

      • Thiazin Red

        Unless you’re trans, gay, or a woman who wants an abortion.

        If you’re a child molester hes much more forgiving.

        • mancityRed6

          I think that’s the last pope.

        • WIDTAP

          Hmm. He hasn’t change church teaching, if that is what you are calling condemning. But he stopped the excommunicating for abortion (via sacramental reconciliation) and said, “Who am I to judge” on the gheys, so…

          • WomanInThePersistence

            As I understand it, he can’t.

        • mancityRed6

          ‘He urged priests around the world to be more accepting of gays and lesbians, divorced Catholics and other people living in what the church considers “irregular” situations.”
          http://www.cnn.com/2016/04/08/europe/vatican-pope-family/index.html
          the chester charges are still in question.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          I am not Catholic. And I am in complete disagreement with that church’s teaching. Bigly. But I think Pope Francis is all right.
          https://youtu.be/dPofhGOmweI

          • wait! what?

            He can say he doesn’t agree with dogma, but he refuses to do anything to change it. It’s a PR game.

          • He can’t do anything to change it. There’s rules and such.
            That he, himself, says he does not judge is a gigantic leap forward for an institution that includes individuals who still pine for the Latin Mass.

          • wait! what?

            Actually, he can. He can call a general council, which is how Vatican II got started.

  • La forza del resistino

    Maybe Pope Frank can assign Newt some after school janitorial duties so he feels useful.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Got some “well, there’s that” news for us, WaPo?

    Trump will not pardon former Arizona sheriff Joe Arpaio at Phoenix rally, White House says

    President Trump will not move to pardon former Arizona sheriff Joe Arpaio during the president’s campaign rally in Phoenix on Tuesday, a White House spokeswoman said.

    “There will be no discussion of that today at any point, and no action will be taken on that front at any point today,” White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders told reporters traveling with Trump on Air Force One…

    It was not clear whether Trump has ruled out a pardon for Arpaio entirely.

    Well, at least we get to take a breath in between the daily outrages. There’s that…

    • OutOfOrbit

      NObuddy knows what that OPOS will say or do

      • jesterpunk

        Including himself.

    • This only means he fully intends to do that.

    • VirginiaWackelpudding

      Somewhere I just won a bet!

  • Master Contrail Program

    Maybe Newt can get his own Popemobile variant to tool around in? Not sure they can make a bubble dome big enough for that noggin though. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/187ea38cbfe076d6ada2129259620a0880d35343e8ce13504e357deeb13b98ed.jpg

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    “The Gingriches are here to see you, Your Holiness.”
    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DAkp4uoXoAIEqxY.jpg

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • Nockular cavity

      Lewis is gonna be all “YOU KNOW I’M STILL AROUND, DON’T YOU?”

    • mancityRed6

      since Mr. Lewis is still alive, can he do bodily harm to the Pence?
      please?

      • redarmyzombie

        Preferably with votes, though I’ll understand if he doesn’t.

        • mancityRed6

          a good, sound, intellectual dressing down would be just as good.

          • foiled again

            This is Pence we’re talking about…

          • mancityRed6

            so it wouldn’t be hard.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      That is wrong in all the ways. What in fuck is Pence “thinking”?

      • proudgrampa

        “Thinking”? Surely you jest.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          I used the quotation marks for a reason.

          • proudgrampa

            I know…

          • WomanInThePersistence

            ;)

    • jesterpunk
      • Antonin Dvorak

        *Stares Lewisly*

      • foiled again

        “I’ll kick your ass. Twice.”

      • Serai 1

        Now there’s a pic that doesn’t need a caption.

    • proudgrampa

      OMG. What a fool he is.

      And HE is likely to be our next president.

      We are freakin’ doomed.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Bet you anything Manafort is throwing Pence and Bannon under the bus, even as we non-comment.

        • proudgrampa

          Interesting..

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      Oh no, Mother must have left the Holy Ballgag in too long, and cut off the oxygen!

  • Master Contrail Program

    Definitely gonna need a young priest and an old priest for this one. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2c22f2ec3a39ec5011b8f040f6287a855e7d8a70b58c4e9b72b8046d607c8c04.jpg

  • TJ Barke
  • jesterpunk

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-fix/wp/2017/08/22/trumps-own-pollster-just-confirmed-his-base-is-weakening/?utm_term=.40267cba2a91

    https://twitter.com/TonyFabrizioGOP/status/900004120257601536

    First, let’s note that Trump’s own pollster just shared data showing 1 out of every 4 Republicans (25 percent) disapprove of Trump — a number that has increased by 6 percentage points since June. If that’s not losing your base, I’m not sure what is. Does it mean the base has completely deserted him? Of course not. But it shows the steady deterioration from other polls is confirmed by Trump’s own pollster. And it sure as heck rebuts Trump’s recent claim that his base is “stronger than ever.”

    As I noted in my Trump’s-base-is-crumbling piece a few weeks back, the 71 percent of Republicans who approved of Trump in a recent Investor’s Business Daily poll was already lower than President Barack Obama’s base support ever dipped. And while some recent polls show GOP approval of Trump as high as the 80s — CNN recently had him at 83 percent among Republicans, and Quinnipiac University had him at 81 percent — Fabrizio’s numbers are actually among the worst we’ve seen for Trump, to date.

  • Nockular cavity

    Laugh at the picture all you want, but Callista likes that elephant because its head is almost as big as Newt’s.

    • Master Contrail Program

      Yet the mountain of crap it expels is merely half the size.

    • Serai 1

      And its nose is prehensile.

  • ManchuCandidate

    Look out Daenerys! Here’s someone with more titles than you, Mother of Dragons. Newton Gingrich PhD (for History, but mostly cowardice to avoid fighting in a war he supported) Congressman, Former Disgraced Speaker Of the House, Possible Moonbase Alpha Commander, Fake Twitter Emperor, Diplodunk House Husband, Space Pope, Fake Newser, National Embarrassment, Hypocrite’s Hypocrite, Taker of Blow Jobs, Giver of Blow Jobs to Martin Marietta/Lockheed and No Friend of Cancer Survivors.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “I can think of no threats to my marriage at the Vatican. Nun!”
    — Newt Gingrich

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    Normally, watching Republican infighting is good. But this is some real outrageous behavior.

    Ward’s ad also appeared to tie Flake closely to President Barack Obama. As CNN’s Andrew Kaczynski pointed out, the photo Ward’s campaign used to make this assertion was of Flake shaking Obama’s hand in the Oval Office. They were alongside Arizona’s congressional delegation at a bill signing to honor the federal judge who was shot and killed in Tucson in 2011 during the attack on Democratic Rep. Gabrielle Giffords, who was shot but survived.
    A spokesman for Ward told Kaczynski that the observation was “silly” and that “the ad speaks for itself.”

    In other words, Ward is telegraphing that any show of decorum about anything with the opposition will be used as a bludgeon against you.

    • jesterpunk

      But we should reach out to republicans and try and work with them right?

      • proudgrampa

        No. Fuck no.

      • redarmyzombie

        It must be nice, being an optimist…

        • jesterpunk

          That was sarcasm, and making fun of the people who continue to say that democrats need to reach out to republicans.

          • redarmyzombie

            I figured as much.

      • AuntyMaude

        You know what they say…reach out to a Republican; draw back a bloody stump.

    • TJ Barke

      The Birchers have taken over the asylum.

      • AuntyMaude

        Birchers: Flushed down the toilet of history, or so we thought, then up they came again like a salmonella seafood buffet.

    • GOP built this. Let them rot in it.

      • AuntyMaude

        I don’t believe they can rot anymore. From here on out, they’re going to be petrifying.

    • jowgajen

      They did the same thing to Christie, shouldn’t be a surprise.

    • bupkus231

      Kelli Ward ( and her campaign staff ) is apparently at least as big a liar as Rump – so there’s a good chance she’s gonna win…

      • jesterpunk

        Isnt that the same person who wished McCain died?

        • bupkus231

          yup – so she could be appointed to take his place.

          Does this make you wonder whether she has doubts that she’s electable?

          • jesterpunk

            Isn’t being an asshole a bonus for republicans now?

      • I sort of hope she does. I hope Arizona gets precisely what it deserves.
        A Democratic critter.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Kelli Ward is clinically insane AND a physician…a fairly terrifying thought. She’s known as Chemtrail Kelli here is AZ….for obvious reasons.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      It’s all they have left.

  • Anna Rompage

    Is the ‘Rally to Insanity’ happening this evening in AZ, or is that happening on another day?

    BTW, do you think Trumps bronzer will run and streak in the hot weather of Arizona?

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos
      • Tickets? Where are they going to put people with all the paid actors pretending to be POC they hired off Craig’s List?

        • AuntyMaude

          POC?

          • People of color.
            I kid you not, SOMEONE put up an add on Craig’s List asking for “minority” actors to wave signs and cheer for the president.

          • AuntyMaude

            Well “reality” isn’t going to create itself.

      • AuntyMaude

        Thanks for the warning, T. Avoid Phoenix. Got it.

        • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

          that’s actually a pretty good rule for life (with apologies to and excepting our phoenix area wonkers).

          • AuntyMaude

            Oh yeah. It’s a hot one there.

    • Master Contrail Program

      This color doesn’t run! It only has a finite amount afterall.

  • Careful, Newt, The Vatican looks real down on having affairs with not wives; fucking your new aide in the chapel might be grounds for excommunication!

    • foiled again

      Newt believes that’s just Papal Bull.

    • bupkus231

      Then, he’ll have an excuse to stop pretending….

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Leaving on this ha ha note:

    Donald Trump views himself as a television star and a celebrity, which is why he spent so much of the 2016 campaign bragging about his ability to spike TV ratings. But increasingly, his star has faded as more and more American viewers are tuning him out.

    And — in a fact sure to get at Trump more than anything — it turns out President Barack Obama was the real TV ratings star.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/6cf7d739ecda46ff292f20dcd77956e13edafc7679d0e61461c83dc3dfdf6678.jpg

    • Jamoche

      I’m still waiting to hear what his reaction was to Obama’s tweet becoming the most liked/retweeted ever.

      • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

        We’ll know the next time he’s on the toilet for an hour with constipation.

  • j regan p

    I fkng love Evan Hurst.

    • proudgrampa

      Don’t we all?

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        Maybe not Lula. #ThrowTheDamnSqueakyChicken

        • proudgrampa

          You’re probably right!

          #throwthedamnsqueakychicken
          #poorlula

  • foiled again

    I gotta tell you guys something:

    Today my new neighbor knocked on the door of Foiled Manor to introduce herself and invited me to drop by to meet her husband. I did so, and the three of us sat on the back porch exchanging pleasantries and our thoughts on various matters. Seemed like a nice couple, mid-60s, courtly.

    Since this is small-town Texas, I find it wise to keep my yap shut with regard to my political beliefs at least until I know the other party’s- it’s akin to not inquiring how many head of cattle one owns, like that. Common courtesy.

    It did not take long for the newcomer couple to drop hints about their beliefs, though, which are anti-Trump, thank goodness, but I sort of held my water for suspense’s sake. Finally, when I thought remaining silent was becoming an elephant on the porch, I cleared my throat and said, “Well…I’m no Liberal.” and waited just a second until their faces began to fall imperceptibly, then added, “I’m a Leftist”.

    Think we’ll get along fine.

    • yay! Good times!

      • Kathleendimberling

        Square92c

        Google is paying 97$ per hour! work for few hours and have longer with friends & family!
        On tuesday I got a Smart new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
        !ai242d:
        ➽➽
        ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialJobs532CashShopSquare/GetPay$97/Hour ★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★:::::!ai242l..,…

      • Lorirwright

        Help107h

        Google is paying 97$ per hour! work for few hours and have longer with friends & family!
        On tuesday I got a Smart new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
        !ao237:
        ➽➽
        ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialJobs527CashGroupHelp/GetPay$97/Hour ★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★:::::!ao237..,..

    • hudson srinivasan

      nevertheless, hide the tools. liberal or conservative, people are liberal about borrowing tools, and conservative about returning them.

      • foiled again

        “Never be afraid to ask to borrow tools, for my manner of refusal is considerate”.

    • Shibusa

      I went through the same thing with neighbors in San Diego. CA is blue but pockets of San Diego are quite rabidly Republican. Thankfully the neighbors were liberal (and fantastic people to boot)….

      • foiled again

        Having lived for a short time in Mission Viejo/Laguna Hills, I can confirm you are 1000% correct. I could not understand the breadth of racism in such comfortable surroundings. Sleek rich people talking like cracker-assed white trash.

        • Shibusa

          We lived amongst a lot of overly affluent hicks in San Diego. But you can’t beat the weather!

    • Blackest Noobs

      so in another comment, we’re kinda but not really debating about the Arizona Senate race, i personally think there’s no way in hell a Dem can win it…even against a crazed rightwinging batshit nutballz nazi-friendly GOP candidate…but Texas.

      wow! i kinda imagine Texas going a bit left…not west coast/east coast leftist elitist left but left, a lot more left than it is now. this is more a possibility.

      it’s a real chance. Arizona…ehhhh not so much.

      • foiled again

        I believe there is hope for TX someday going blue- it ain’t gonna be overnight, but demographics eventually are on the side of the angels. These dirthead, racist shitball greedbag fuckos cannot last forever- I’m here, ain’t I? is an observation I make to myself on occasion.

        • susan_g

          The gerrymandering really f’s up TX. They split the Austin voters up so that they are spread into 5 different congressional districts. It is the only major city in America that doesn’t have a district anchored in it. A lot of work needs to be done to correct that.

  • Anna Rompage

    Tito’s, it makes a pretty nice dirty martini…

    BTW, does anyone here know anything about distilling spirits?

    I have a question, of bourbon is corn mash, that is disliked and then aged in charred oak, and white lightning is full strength unaged bourbon. Seeing that Tito’s is made from 100% corn, wouldn’t that make Tito’s a diluted form of white lightning, or is the distillation process different between the two?

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      bourbon is not disliked!

      ; P

      • h4rr4r

        It is fine, for when you run out of rye.

      • blaid droog

        My only problem with Jim Beam is I am adding to the prosperity of mcconnells home state.

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        i was making a funny about the typo (and I do them all the time):

        of bourbon is corn mash, that is disliked

    • jowgajen

      It’s not diluted, it’s filtered and double (or triple) distilled. Vodka is pretty much pure alcohol and water, any trace of the original grain is mostly lost. All of the sugar is gone.

      Corn mash/white lightning/moonshine is sweet as hell and tastes like corn. It’s only distilled once and lightly filtered.

      • WIDTAP

        Hope you enjoyed the eclipse there in the wilds of Tennessee

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Vodka can be made from almost any grain, taters, etc. The drippings out of a corn-mash vodka still are the same as the drippings that are gonna be whiskey. Those drippings get to be bourbony after time in a barrel.

        • Vodka should only ever be made from potatoes. For reasons.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            Well, there’s a book that differs on that, historically, that there was old world vodka before there were new world taters in the old world… But, there’s various loyalists all afoot!

          • There’s a book what says we all sprung from the children of Adam and Eve, even though they only had 2 and they were both boys too. And one of em died.
            Books say many things. Does not mean they are correct.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            The Drunken Botanist seems more factual than that there one. I’m no historical botanist, but The Drunken Botanist seems to make alot of sense.

        • Jamoche

          There’s a pineapple vodka too – not flavored, but distilled from. Very subtle hint of flavor – you don’t want to make a martini from it, but a gimlet is quite nice.

          • h4rr4r

            Gimlets are made of gin, you heathen.

          • Jamoche

            Also too :)

          • Covfefe

            So, also too, martinis. Martinis are made with gin. Dry martinis are made with gin, but without that sweet Italian wine.

          • h4rr4r

            Martinis require two things, gin and vermouth. You put the gin in the glass and you show it the bottle of vermouth. That is how you make a martini.

          • Covfefe

            The night I met my father in law for the first time, he made a martinis that way. I smiled. He smiled. We were both happy.

          • hendenburg2

            Still planning on invading Russia, Mr. Churchill?

          • h4rr4r

            The man may not have been an angel, but he knew booze, cigars and what to do with Nazis.

          • hendenburg2

            He sure as hell didn’t know how to make a martini

          • h4rr4r

            Incorrect.
            Put gin in glass and show it vermouth. Done.

          • hendenburg2

            I wouldn’t trust Churchill’s palate. Tobacco ruins your sense of taste.

          • h4rr4r

            Next you will say the Nazis should have just been given a little more land.

          • UncleTravelingMatt

            I prefer: 5 to 1……Five parts gin, and one moment of silence for the vermouth

          • hendenburg2

            if it’s a liquor distilled from fermented pineapple, it’s not a vodka, it’s a brandy

          • h4rr4r

            That or it would be eau de vie.
            What is properly called schnapps. American schnapps is just nasty.

          • jowgajen

            Ah here is where it all blends together into the dark history of word origins. It is, in fact all aquavit:

            The word aquavit is derived from Latin aqua vitae, “water of life.” The word whisky is derived from uisge beatha, the Goidelic equivalent of this phrase. Likewise, clear fruit brandy is called “eau de vie” (French for “water of life”). Similarly, vodka is derivative from the Russian word “voda” (water), in reference to vodka being the “water of life.” An apocryphal story holds that aquavit actually means “water from the vine,” a picturesque folk etymology derived through conflation of Latin vītae (genitive of vita) with the Italian vite (wine grapes – used as poetic synonymous with “wine”).

            https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Akvavit

          • h4rr4r

            Dammit,

          • jowgajen

            French is a descendant of Latin and the concept of distilled fermented juice of something = happy booze times is even more ancient than that.

          • hendenburg2

            However, “rum” comes from the French “Rumbullion,” which means “good soup.”

            And even weirder, “punch” comes from “panch,” the Tamil word for “five”

          • jowgajen

            one of sour
            two of sweet
            three of strong
            four of weak

            I guess the five is the fun part?

          • hendenburg2

            Spice. Usually nutmeg.

          • h4rr4r

            In the USA it could be vodka. So long as it distilled to 190 proof ethanol of any source can be sold as vodka.

            Up thread I posted a link to the Standard of Identity.

        • hendenburg2

          Right. As long as it’s tasteless and based off a starch and not a sugar, it’s vodka.

          • h4rr4r

            Sugar based vodka is legally vodka.

      • h4rr4r

        All vodka sold in the USA is diluted.
        To legally be called vodka it must be distilled to 190 proof and bottled at not less than 80 proof.

        Standard of Identity
        https://www.law.cornell.edu/cfr/text/27/5.22

      • georgiaburning

        Vodka can be made from almost any type of fermented product, it’s to be filtered to the point where there should be almost no residual flavor. Filtered sugar cane product is traditionally called “white rum” as filtered tequila is white tequila. Mao tai is sort of Chinese vodka made from sorgum and gives you a horrible hangover

    • Beanz&Berryz

      All 80 or 90 proof spirits are diluted with water down to that percentage. Straight out of the still they are 90-something percent alcohol…

      • hendenburg2

        Uhm… usually closer to 65% on the first go-around

        • Beanz&Berryz

          More head and tail than I realized?

          • hendenburg2

            Yes. Both heads and tails can compromise about 10-20% of the first distillation. Of course, that depends on how you treat the yeast you use in your mash. If you care for it, the yeast will produce fewer higher alcohols in the first place.

    • Jamoche

      Well, going by their website, there’s not much difference:

      I got a bunch of pictures of old moonshiners and looked at a bunch of those photos and then kinda from looking at all those photos kinda just built a still that kinda looked like those stills. And then just kinda started cooking in that and just trial and error’d. I just kept messing with it until I got to where everybody liked my vodka better than the other stuff you could buy at the time.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        And then there’s that gin is kinda flavored vodka, made in various flavoring ways

      • h4rr4r

        Horse crap.

        Tito’s is watered down ADM industrial ethanol.

        • Jamoche

          Well, I’ve never tried it. My local expert prefers Monopolowa.

          • marxalot

            It’s the superior vodka. They can tell you all they want that the triple distillation removes the esters, but potato juice has a cleaner finish and a more bearable hangover.
            Edit: wait, you hang out in Fort Worth and drink the Polish Newspaper vodka. Are we friends IRL?

          • Jamoche

            Used to live in Fort Worth, moved to Silicon Valley 25 years ago. Haven’t been back to Texas since 2001 – my mom lives there, but I’m not on “being in the same state” terms with the RWNJ stepdad. Plus the weather out here is better, so Mom visits me instead of the reverse.

          • foiled again

            Monopolowa does not last long enough. Tastes too good.

            My first rip-roaring gonna-drink-this-whole-damn-bottle vodka binge was Big M. Next day I felt fine!

    • h4rr4r

      Tito’s is a rip off. It is ADM ethanol diluted down to 40abv.
      Almost all American “craft” vodka is made that way. It is fine, ADM makes a very pure product. However Tito’s prices for it are too high.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        ADM? Really?

        • h4rr4r

          Yup, there were some lawsuits about it.

          • hendenburg2

            Really? They’re still advertising as being “distilled in Austin,” at least on NPR.

          • h4rr4r

            Because it is, technically.

            They mix ADM ethanol with water, supposedly toss in some feed corn, and distill it again. This way they can claim to have distilled it in Austin.

          • UncleTravelingMatt

            Ayup.

          • hendenburg2

            That makes me want to drive out there and toss in some wheat. That way it will at least no longer be “gluten-free”

          • h4rr4r

            All distilled beverages are gluten free. Gluten is too big to be carried across distillation. Assuming gluten is not added back afterwards.

    • hendenburg2

      There is a major distinction between the two that no one else touched on – the stills.

      Basically, there are two types: the pot still and the column still.

      The pot still is the old-school type, made of copper. You control the character of the distillate by changing the shape of the neck of the still – it affects what does and does not condense on the sides and drip back down into the bottom of the pot. Pot stills run in batches and generally allow more unfermented sugars, flavor compounds, and off/fussel alcohols into the distillate. Because different boozes have different characteristics, a good whisky pot still would not result in, say, a rum or tequila of comparable quality. Only moonshiners, some craft distillers and single-malt Scotch Whisky distillers use pot stills.

      The column still is a more recent invention. It consists of a tall, straight-sided column into which screens of various sizes are placed. The screens capture and condense larger/heavier/higher-boiling point molecules with better efficiency, meaning that what comes out is closer to pure alcohol. This results in a “cleaner”, less-sweet taste. Column stills can also be run continuously, and are more also more versatile, since the screens can be interchanged. For these reasons, most large-volume and multi-alcohol distillers, as well as blended Scotch whisky distillers, use column stills.

      As someone pointed out downthread, vodka is meant to be neutral, while whiskey isn’t. Their ideal still configurations, therefore, are different.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Tito’s does not make a Martini at all. It may make a decent Kangaroo, but it does not make a Martini.

      • hendenburg2

        No martini should be made with vodka in the first place!

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          It’s an impossibility, like saying “I made potato salad out of kumquats.”

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Bill D. Burger

    Holy Jeebus’ (pun intended)…. Whuuut’ happened to her?

    http://pavlovianobeisance.com/images/gingrich_wife3.jpg

    • HazooToo

      What the fuck happened to her?

      • jowgajen

        Plastic surgery. Also sold her soul at some point.

        • jesterpunk
          • jowgajen

            Is she an undergrad in the first pic?

          • jesterpunk

            No idea.

          • Jamoche

            *googles* Dear lord, she was born in 66, so in 97 she was 31. If you have the genes to look 17 when you’re 31, why on earth would you fuck with them?

            I am happy to say that, at a year older than her, I do not look like a plastic mannequin.

          • Lots and lots and lots of money.

          • Jamoche

            She already had the kind of looks money can’t buy!

          • Carpe Vagenda

            No, she was an employee of the Republican House.

          • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

            Mmmm Lucifer. Points off for personality though.

      • bupkus231

        Lotsa plastic surgery by inept surgeons….

        • kaydenpat

          Why did such a beautiful young woman feel the need to get any plastic surgery in the first place? He needed plastic surgery, if anything.

          • foiled again

            Hanging around bad men will do that.

          • kaydenpat

            You got that right.

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      Nah this must be fake.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        It’s not.

    • Plastic surgery gone wrong.

      • kaydenpat

        Choice of husband gone badly wrong.

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      Because if this isn’t fake I will promote every theory about body overtaking aliens.

    • janecita
    • janecita
      • kaydenpat

        He’s sapping her life force. She looks plastic now.

      • marxalot

        This looks like the comparison shot between a person and the SuperMarionette made of them a la Team America: World Police.

    • blaid droog

      Krist. That is frightening.

    • kaydenpat

      My word!!! What the hell happened to her? He looks the same. She must be his real life Dorian Gray.

  • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

    in case you were wondering, Louie Gohmert says nobody, NOBODY outcrazys Louie Gohmert.

    Behold!

    [On Fox] And then, as an encore, he attempted to one-up noted Republican scholar and part time congressman Bryan Zollinger by explaining Charlottesville.

    Gohmert even claims there are “witnesses” who saw KKK and Black Lives Matters protesters get off the same buses in Charlottesville, implying they were simply paid actors by Democrats. Gohmert urged Trump to appoint an independent counsel to investigate Democrats, even though presidents do not, and cannot, appoint independent counsels.

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      video at Juanita Jean’s place:
      http://juanitajean.com/louie-5/

    • mackafritz

      Were do you apply to get one of these paid actor jobs? And who is bankrolling this? The Illuminati?

      • proudgrampa

        I can put you in touch with the Soros Demonstration Corporation, if you’d like… They pay well.

    • bupkus231

      You can always count on Louie to defend his undisputed title as stupidest person in Congress ( they even named the trophy after him ). No “Johnny-come-lately” crackpot is gonna dethrone Louie!!!!

    • alpacapunchbowl

      A charter bus or a city bus? Because I know for a fact that I’ve ridden on and gotten off a city bus or train at the same stop as racists.
      Doesn’t mean I was happy about it or that we were hanging out.
      I’m undoubtedly overthinking this, it’s gobshite Gohmert after all

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        fair point, but you’re smart.

        Whenever they refer to buses, I think they’re referring to the “they paid to bus in 100 million illegals to vote in the election” type buses.

        • georgiaburning

          per Wikipedia: Greyhound and sister companies in FirstGroup America are the largest motorcoach operators in the United States and Canada
          at 50 people per bus, this is the stock to buy

      • kaydenpat

        Gohmert is gonna get you!!

        • alpacapunchbowl

          Not if he can’t catch me!

    • proudgrampa

      Christ. He’s not in the 25th Amendment succession list, is he?

      • bupkus231

        He ain’t a Congressman – he’s an Idaho state legislator…

    • La forza del resistino

      early onset Alzheimer’s is something I’d wish upon no one.

    • noted Republican scholar and part time congressman Bryan Zollinger

      A: THAT is a noted scholar?
      B: Lol. Part time congressman.

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        its JJ’s snark.

    • I was mildly curious where they were going to go. I mean the both sides do it thing backfired.
      The let’s all be friends and everyone deserves a voice thing backfired.
      Only makes sense that they’d go with the “Obama did it to make us look bad!” lie. Now it will be picked up by all the conservosphere media, “forcing” main stream oh so liberal media to pick it up and spend countless hours studying it from every angle.
      I hope the nazis involved have fun under those busses they just got tossed beneath.

    • kaydenpat

      Who the hell keeps voting for these deranged people? I blame them for foisting this stupidity on the rest of the country.

  • Maclare 🌒

    OT Nice Time Eclipse related… in my corner o’ GA we didn’t get totality, but we got 90% I think. I gave up trying to take pics around and under my eclipse glasses, so I just stuck to pics of things I could actually see.

    Is there a scientific name for the rays that form behind the clouds during a partial? I’m going with “cloud corona”

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/7cdf05f7e76e419b68d34f374353b7a384ad2d83d1420ee853cc79864e1545a0.jpg

    • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

      I’d say they’re ordinary rays, but look different because the sky is darkened?

      • Maclare 🌒

        Awwww… but I wants a Special Name!

        ‘Cloud Corona’– tm@maclare

    • Thurman Munster IV

      Crepuscular rays.

      • Maclare 🌒

        Excellent! Thank you!

  • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

    Prom 46: Schoenberg – Gurrelieder
    BBC Proms, 2017
    Live from BBC Proms: Sir Simon Rattle conducts Schoenberg’s Gurrelieder, with the London Symphony Orchestra.
    Live from the Royal Albert Hall
    Presented by Martin Handley

    Schoenberg: Gurrelieder

    Tove: Eva-Maria Westbroek (soprano)
    Waldemar: Simon O’Neill (tenor)
    Wood-Dove: Karen Cargill (mezzo)
    Klaus the Fool: Peter Hoare (tenor)
    Peasant: Christopher Purves (bass-baritone)
    Speaker: Thomas Quasthoff
    CBSO Chorus
    Orfeó Català
    London Symphony Chorus
    London Symphony Orchestra
    Sir Simon Rattle, conductor

    Release date: 19 August 2017
    26 days left to listen

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b091w7fy

  • blaid droog

    I was surprised that new pope was willing to accept such a bald face sinner as ambassador. Assuming he has no use for the orange nazi, he surely should have been affronted by having newts slut foisted upon him.

    • He has no choice really, and has very little to do with ambassadors anyway

    • bupkus231

      “…. new pope was willing to accept such a bald plastic face sinner as ambassador”

      Remember, Calista is the ambassador, not Newt….

      • blaid droog

        From what little I know about the catholic church, she shares newts sin and is a sinner herself.

        • Bananas Foster

          It has always been a decidedly political post.

          Also, too the ambassadorship. ;)

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Really? Ernst von Weizsäcker — an actual fucking Nazi and SS-Brigadeführer — was ambassador to the Vatican from 1943-45.

      • marxalot

        Yeah, but during the war, the Nazi state had most diplomacy at the point of a gun. (And Vatican agents still carried out a number of smuggling and document washing operations despite the Fascisti having guns pointed at all the windows, also too.)

    • jowgajen

      Church believes in redemption, used to even sell it for money. I’m sure she has confessed, repented and been shriven.

  • Maclare 🌒

    Pic # 2…. The shadows through the trees formed crescents!
    “Moon shadow”?

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/279d36de805ebabe1093daea560f57079eaf9796a9e8eeb7d35b195dc9a5ef53.jpg

    • DainBramage

      Sweet!

  • La forza del resistino

    TV scheduling ironies is will NBC go with a Trump rally or America’s Got Talent.

    • Master Contrail Program

      Thought they were going to show the lost episode of ALF, but I suppose one ridiculous puppet covered in fake hair is as good as another.

      • kaydenpat

        Hey watch it there. Alf was a cool dude.

        • therblig

          Ever see the Alf Xmas special with the terminally sick kid in the hospital? I think it only aired once. No snark.

          • kaydenpat

            No. Actually never watched Alf but for some strange reason my parents used to love it.

    • kaydenpat

      I will be watching either Face Off or Leah Remini’s Church of Scientology expose so hopefully won’t see hide or hair of Trump’s Nazi rally. Why the hell is a President doing political rallies 8 months into his administration anyways? This is not normal.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        That has been noticed, actually.

    • foiled again

      Why don’t they combine them for ‘America’s Got Distemper’?

  • Bill D. Burger

    OT…but one of my favorite wits was born on this day in 1893. Shouting Happy Birthday in the universal ether to the immortal Dorothy Parker.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DH2weEeXgAI9IdO.png

    • marxalot

      Vanity Fair reposted her “Hate Song” about working there, to mark the occasion. I still return to the biography, “What Fresh Hell” when I’m feeling low and bewildered.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        “What fresh hell is this?” is one of my go -to statements.

      • Ellie

        What fresh hell is what I’ve said whilst read the news, every morning since Nov. 9.

        • marxalot

          I started that day with “Resume” as posted above.
          Maybe that’s what I should get tattoo’d on me next month while I’m in NYC.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,
      A medley of extemporanea;
      And love is a thing that can never go wrong;
      And I am Marie of Romania.

      • marxalot

        Drink and dance and love and lie
        Laugh, the reeling midnight through
        For tomorrow we will die!
        But, alas, we never do.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          You can lead a horticulture but you can’t make her think.

          • Bill D. Burger

            Miss Parker, Mr. Cerf is on the phone:
            “Not now. Tell him I too fucking busy…or vice versa.”

          • Carpe Vagenda

            If with the literate I am
            Impelled to try an epigram,
            I never seek to take the credit;
            We all assume that Oscar said it.

          • Bill D. Burger

            “If you really want to know what God thinks of money, just take a look at the people He gave it to.”

          • Carpe Vagenda

            It costs me never a stab nor squirm
            To tread by chance upon a worm.
            “Aha, my little dear,” I say,
            “Your clan will pay me back some day.”

          • Bill D. Burger

            “I wake up every morning and brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.”

          • Carpe Vagenda

            I have no idea if it’s true, but this version of the legend makes me absurdly happy:

            Claire Booth Luce:
            Age before beauty.
            Dorothy Parker (sweeps past her):
            Pearls before swine.

          • marxalot

            Wasn’t the Yale prom wonderful? If all the girls in attendence were laid end-to-end, I wouldn’t be at all surprised.

    • Maclare 🌒
      • Bill D. Burger

        I like to have a martini,
        Two at the very most.
        After three I’m under the table,
        after four I’m under my host.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Tonstant weader fwowed up.

    • Resistance Fighter Astraea
    • (((Alt-Sedagive)))

      I’ve always loved Dorothy to pieces.

      “Big Blonde” is one hell of a dark tale.

  • Joe Beese

    Am I a bad person for wanting CNN to have repeated the Bannon-orbit Ivanka smear?

    • mancityRed6

      no

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        What did I miss? Sounds juicy …

        • Joe Beese

          A self-described “email prankster” seemingly fooled top editors at Breitbart over the weekend into believing he was Steve Bannon, the fired White House chief strategist who returned to the right-wing website as executive chairman on Friday.

          In the emails, Breitbart Editor-in-Chief Alex Marlow pledged that he and several other top editors would do Bannon’s “dirty work” against White House aides. The emails were shared with CNN by the prankster.

          In other emails, Marlow suggested he could have Jared Kushner and Ivanka Trump ousted from the White House “by end of year” and shared a personal smear about their private lives, perhaps an indication of how low the website is willing to go to achieve its agenda. …

          CNN has chosen not to repeat the smear because it is unfounded and unsubstantiated.

          http://money.cnn.com/2017/08/22/media/breitbart-prank-emails/index.html

          • Résistance Land Shark Ω
          • WomanInThePersistence

            Well, boo on CNN. And hahahahahahahahaha!

          • La forza del resistino

            The Lincoln bed is more likely to be ousted from the WH before Ivanka in the next 3 years

          • They….fell for ANOTHER prankster?

          • Changeling

            CNN has chosen not to repeat the smear because it is unfounded and unsubstantiated.

            Oh come on, that just makes me want to know what it is. That Jared is a cuck?

          • Changeling

            Oh FFS – that is literally it.

            http://digg.com/2017/bannon-breitbart-email-prank

          • Joe Beese

            Ivanka doesn’t really believe in Judaism?

          • foiled again

            Unfounded, unsubstantiated, and totally hilarious.

        • mancityRed6

          oh, wait, I’m arguing with someone from the ‘merican stinker. I got confused.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      You’re certainly not alone.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    Trump is considering hiring Tim Tebow to deal with the North Korea crisis because he’s an expert at overthrowing a bunch of pretentious dicks.

    • La forza del resistino

      I’d go with a rimshot but Tim fumbled the drumsticks on 4th and 1.

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    The wife of U.S. Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin on Tuesday apologized for sniping at a critic on social media site Instagram who called her “deplorable” for a post highlighting her expensive clothing as she exited a government plane.

    http://www.reuters.com/article/us-usa-treasury-linton-idUSKCN1B21VI

    • ooooo oooo lemme guess this one without clicking…
      I am sorry if anyone was offended. But I was attacked just for looking good and besides both sides do it!

      • Jamoche

        I suspect you’re right about the first draft:

        “I apologize for my post on social media yesterday as well as my response. It was inappropriate and highly insensitive,” Linton said in a statement released through a publicist.

        Emphasis mine.

        • OutOfOrbit

          IOW she had nuttin to do with the actual werdz

    • Me not sure

      They just went to KY with McConnell to view the eclipse in totality. We paid for it. Don’t believe the cover story

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos
    • kaydenpat

      “Linton has been at the center of controversy before. Last year she withdrew a self-published book in which she claimed to have been caught up in violence in Zambia. African leaders and aid workers said the book was filled with factual errors.”

      Even the spouses of Trump’s circle are liars. My word!

      • foiled again

        Linton, the Conrad of Mnuchin spouses.

  • Rasilom

    Newt is the kind of idiot that eats clams right out of the can.

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      MONSTER libel.

  • Wolf Tracker

    Divorcing your wide while she is on her death bed.

    There must be a special place in hell for that right?

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Evidently, divorcing your sick or disabled wife gets you a lifetime pass to all the Sunday talk shows. Worked for Newtie. Worked for Walnuts.

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        and a lifetime pass on talking about “morality” (or “immorality), for some insane reason.

  • Moebym of the Returners

    When everyone has to keep waiting on ONE person who can’t stop dragging her feet for some unknown reason on all this time-sensitive paperwork.

    I’ve about reached the end of my rope in terms of my patience in dealing with her. I don’t know how many more polite emails, texts, and voice messages I will have to send before she sends over what is needed. If something in her life is preventing her from doing her job effectively, she could at least say as much, and no one will hold it against her.

    • I do not know how your office operates. But in mine, I have taken to physically going where person x is, sitting down, and waiting for them to deliver the product.
      It only took one or two times doing this before they got the point that yes, they really do need to do their jobs after all.

      • Moebym of the Returners

        Problem is, this person isn’t a colleague and doesn’t work out of the same office. We’re on either side of a real estate transaction. Since she hardly responds to messages anyway, I never know where she is.

        • Damn. Well, that changes things significantly.
          You could accidentally call her boss? Or copy him/her on the next email with a polite reminder that you have sent x amount of emails?

          • Moebym of the Returners

            Sadly, she IS the boss………

          • Hm. How about just a company wide with the following
            “It has been x days and we can no longer proceed without your input. We are losing valuable revenue due to this work stoppage”

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            to this point, i was told this was (and it is) and effective tactic when we couldn’t get depositions done. (one attorney in particular was fucking BRUTAL about failing to work with us on it.)

            Anyway, normally, you coordinate a day and time to schedule one and then issue a notice of deposition. But the hard ball approach is to finally say, “unless we hear from you by 5 pm tomorrow, we’ll be issuing notices for this date and time.” THEN the other side has to go to court to try and explain why they can’t do that day and time AND offer an alternative day adn time (which is all we wanted in the first damn place).

            Works every time.

          • I can’t do court thing with my current crop of helpmates.
            But I can sure accidentally hit reply all or copy the big inbox when it is needed :)

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            good point – that’s one of the few fun things about the law…if you get into a stalemate, you can go to a judge to get things moving again.

            the procedures say both sides are supposed to work on this stuff, but they (apparently) rarely do.

          • both sides don’t do it?

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            oh hell no they don’t. ; )

            At our association meeting, we heard a plaintiff’s attorney speak. He was talking about he likes to hurry up and get depos scheduled, records exchanged, etc. Apparently he’s considered odd for it (although loved by the defense attorney’s for it as well).

        • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

          oh gawd, the real estate transaction part explains it. (I work pt for a firm, but never did closings).

          During the ill-fated law job, I had this same complaint with the plaintiff’s paralegals when it came to scheduling depositions and getting discovery. it’s fucking frustrating.
          (triply so in your case, cause there it actually behooves both sides to get it done).

    • La forza del resistino

      you must work with my ex. her birthday is 9/21. suggest flowers may make her come around for awhile.

    • La forza del resistino

      You’re not alone said any Mueller investigator dealing with the Trump Org.

      • Moebym of the Returners

        No shit, I’ve been kind of feeling like Mueller today. Except this person is not even in trouble, and will get paid a good sum after all this is over (the sooner she sends that stuff over, the sooner she gets paid), so why the dragging of feet?

  • Me not sure

    Rumors flew here that Newt divorced his second wife Marianne after hearing that she had gotten a diagnosis of MS. That would fit his MO.

  • WomanInThePersistence

    JFC, I go on a wine run and there’s 162 new comments. Excuse me, I have to go reload the thread.

  • Antonin Dvorak

    I can’t remember which wife it was, but there was rumors that Newt divorced one of them because “she didn’t look like a first lady”. He really thought he’d be president in the near future.

    • AuntyMaude

      Wow, talk about putting the cart before the horse’s ass.

      • Antonin Dvorak

        Yep, he also applied to be president of a college after one semester of teaching there.

        • A low tier college if I remember correctly

          • Antonin Dvorak

            Correct, it was some tiny little thing in the middle of nowhere.

  • Joshua Norton

    He can’t afford to divorce this one. The monthly hairspray allowance alone would bankrupt him.

    • OutOfOrbit

      she’s the one holding all the wealth

      • jowgajen

        He’s always been a kept man.

  • kaydenpat

    The fact that Trump, Gingrich and Limbaugh have been married multiple times says a lot about the kindness of women. Truly repulsive, awful specimens of manhood.

    • marxalot

      And the problem of power, but that’s another discussion.

    • tomamitai

      The fact that we don’t hear from their exes says a lot about the effectiveness of non-disclosure clauses in divorce settlements.

    • foiled again

      Jabba The Husband.

  • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific
    • therblig

      That is the funniest thing I’ve read all day.

    • altleftjohn

      The Tortoise and the Hair.

  • Wolf Tracker

    Right after the eclipse our ATT internet crashed and just barely came back on line. Seriously felt like the end of the world.

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    I’m still mitrely incensed about the Callista’s appointment. Stephen Colbert would have been prefect.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Like Colbert would have had anything to do with this. Spicey would have been lovely, if the Pope could coax him away from the hedges.

  • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

    can i just how nice it is (and totally unsurprising) that the most heated argument on wonkette today is about liquor and distilling way down below?

    Also too – I have an interview Monday withe local government attorney’s office I was interested in about an internship!

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Fingers crossed!

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        thanks! I kinda want to intern (and hten work there) cause of the type of cases they handle, but i’m also kinda curious where my dept. head was thinking about placing me.

        Seeing as how I have to have something in the next few weeks, we’ll find out!

        • WomanInThePersistence

          Maybe she likes you and thinks you are a smart person who can handle this? Just guessing.

        • Crotchy head? heh maybe he is teachin the young librul a lesson ^.^

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            yeah, cranky guy. He is all those things, but likes me.

            Like i said last night, i think he already has something in mind, as he asked me in class yesterday if i had finished all my classes and wether i had mornings available.

            (Good help me if he wants me to work for him!)

          • God help him too! He might just like being kept on his toes, you know.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      Go get ’em Tex!

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        thanks APB! Almost 40-year-old intern is going to be fun.

        • alpacapunchbowl

          If anyone tries to give you attitude, just remind them that it would behoove them to respect their elders.

        • You’re in charge of you.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Good luck.

    • Antonin Dvorak

      Bona Fortuna!

    • georgiaburning

      You see below how things can get emotional. Diplomatically find out about the alcoholic preference in the office: scotch, bourbon, vodka, and so on. Good luck.

      • Just wait until someone brings up anchovies and or steak sauces.
        Shudder

        • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

          Anchovies in Caesar salad, divine.

          • Good thing we are related so I have to love you.

          • Johnatx

            Canned clams or go home!

          • SpideySenser

            You MONSTER!

        • jowgajen

          Anchovies should never be discussed in polite company.

          • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

            That’s why we discuss them here.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            I like them. Hurrrmph.

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        IKR?

        (And I’m on team bourbon. Although, as much as I LOVE beer, and I love beer, i am strangely agnostic about liquor.)

        • vodka is the only liquor that has the right to be called thus. All else is as pine sol, and an disinfect your toilet bowl nicely but should never be drunk.
          So there.

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            wow…you get mean on this subject!

          • tbh, I have had bad experiences with all the others so I am a ttteeennnnyyy bit biased.
            Except for Vodka, who has never let me down or disappointed me or left me in the lobby of a police station. Even the bottle that said “80 proof” and nothing else.

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            yeah, my first time was vodka and I swore never again. I sometimes tell people (and gfs) if I’m asking for vodka, it’s time for me to go to bed.

          • foiled again

            If I’m asking for vodka it means fill the glass immediately.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Scotch libelz!

          • marxalot

            Scotch left me on a roof with the sun coming up and a ladder with a few rungs missing this one time, but I forgave it anyway.
            Tequila, though… she knows what she did. Bitch can just lose my number forever.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Due to youthful adventures, I no longer drink tequila. But Scotch is lovely, when sipped thoughtfully. The good stuff is not a drink for slamming. It is smoky, and deep, and definately worth savoring.

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            see, i think you’d like bourbon then. It all those things you mention at the end and it’s why I like it.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            I find bourbon too sweet. But we all have our own palates. Nothing wrong with that.

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            that’s funny, as I find scotch too sweet.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Again, palates are all different. But a good, smokey peaty Scotch is lovely.

          • foiled again

            I favored Laphroig in my Scotch days.

          • I spent a New Year’s night on the rooftop of a bar in Tijuana back when. The power went out across the city shortly after midnight and all he’ll broke loose. My mates and I (a gal and a fellow) climbed up the side of the building on Ave. Revolucion with a bottle of tequila and spent the night watching the chaos below.

            Tequila was our sustenance and our medicine.

          • foiled again

            I mix my vodka with lemon juice and water, so I pretty much drink cleaning fluid. And that’s okay!

        • SpideySenser

          Team bourbon here, also, too. I like that Bulliet, neat, with a Heinie. I will toast to you right now!

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            salud!

          • SpideySenser

            Backatcha :-)

    • distilling way down below?

      Is that what the young kids are calling it now?

    • Johnatx

      Good luck. Hope it goes well

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        thanks!

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      thank the lord – they just rescheduled it to a different day, but in the late afternoon instead of ass early in the morning.

    • La forza del resistino

      Good luck TX. Vehemently deny any background checks re your non-commenting here about Texas

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        lol – oddly enough my prof told me i’d have to wait a few weeks as they do background checks. I asked, “credit reports? cause my credit is shit.” He said, “no, just criminal.”

        I’m fine on that front – other than being arrested because i had the same name and similar birthday as some wanted dude in Florida, I’ve never been in handcuffs.

        • La forza del resistino

          again, good luck. the justice system needs more fair minded like you

        • foiled again

          I spent a night in jail in St. Peter, MN because my truck broke down and it was 25 below zero. And I was broke.
          Next morning the radio man gave me enough money for a Greyhound ticket- overnight the officers on duty had taken up a collection. Some police are A-OK.

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            that is cool of them.

            this particular state trooper was a pretty decent guy. I told him i had never been in handcuffs before. After he cleared me, he came into the holding room to let me go and said, “well, I’ve got good news and bad news.”

            I was like, “What?!” He said the goods news is the warrant isnt’ for you, the bad news is you’ve had to wear handcuffs.

          • foiled again

            Ha! Humor in uniform.
            A million years ago when I had money for such tomfoolery, I was pulled over in South Dakota in my brand-new Mustang GT. Trooper walks up, I apologize for going WFO, and he said forget it, I just want to shoot the bull about these Mustangs- we’re considering getting a few for patrol cars. Whaddaya think? Is it comfy?
            Just a couple gearheads yapping along the Interstate. We talked for about ten minutes whereupon someone whipped past at a high velocity- “Whoah! Gotta run- I love chasin’ speeders!” were his parting words.

            I’ve got a great yarn about a Baylor County Sheriff giving me a stern talking-to about my not having a gun but I’ll table that for a later date.

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            heh, okay, my turn.

            I was busted on the side of the side of the road just near downtown (the highway goes right through (or rather under) it. I was heading cross town to work.

            A cop pulled over in one of those camero cop cars they use for traffic stuff. He offered me a ride to work. hopping out of a police camero in front our building was kinda cool.

          • foiled again

            “Hey, guys. Yep, cop Camaro. Cool, eh? I won a bet.”

          • ColumbusLib

            About not having a gun? That’s gotta be a good story!

          • foiled again

            It kind of is! TEXAS!

          • SpideySenser

            Sounds like Alphonse Maddin and his former employer, Trans Am Trucking. At least you got to hang out in a hopefully warm jail. Neil Gorsuch would be be upset with your officer friends. So yah, fuck him.

          • foiled again

            I would have frozen stiff as an ironing board. I think I sent them a thank-you note. Cells are not so bad when the door’s open.
            They were especially proud of their drug display- had ’em stuck on a 4-by-4 piece of plywood for E-Z identification. All the various types, pills and such, numbered and everything.

          • SpideySenser

            Interesting place. So how secure were those drugs? Asking for a friend. And thank-yous are always a nice touch.

  • Count Awesome

    “When in Rome, do a hot Roman babe.”

  • Sophia

    Trump’s relationship with the coal industry is going south — and one CEO claims the president broke a personal promise

    http://www.businessinsider.com/ap-trump-rebuffs-coal-industry-ceo-claims-promise-broken-2017-8?

    • They REALLY wanted those subsidies.

    • The president’s bold declarations — both public and private — are not always carried through to implementation.

      Lolz, shorter business insider: he’s a fucking con man

  • I think Texxon is in over his head…

    In order to “win” in Afghanistan, the Occupier must vanquish the Taliban.

    In order for the Taliban to win, they must merely survive. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/1b655f9b1c431db70c4894a78587557c3f60bf7e5a3d9b403dd9027c998dd940.png

    • marxalot

      They. Live. There.
      Like Ryan saying the Afghan opposition will “wait out” any hard withdraw date.
      Where you think we are, son?

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        yeah, vietnam means nothing to these people.

        I’m all right fucking up something that you’re trying to do for the first time, spaceflight in 1969, for example, but ye gods – we’ve been here before!

        • georgiaburning

          Most of the generals who fought in that war are retired.

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            right, but, like, isn’t it COMMON FUCKING KNOWLEDGE?

            I mean, I know it.

          • Republicans never change their game plan, Tex. They keep doing the same thing over and over and if it fails, they blame someone else.

          • marxalot

            Yeah, but you’re not a war profiteer, whaddya you know?

      • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

        Sometimes, it’s better to withdraw hard.

        • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

          phrasing!

      • This.

    • La forza del resistino

      Much of oil exploration deals with finding clarity in mud. Rex found another dry hole here.

    • georgiaburning

      Two thousand years worth of invaders agree: there’s nothing in Afghanistan worth warring there. But it usually takes a few dozen years of it

      • hudson srinivasan

        that not true. then why did people keep trying to subdue it for thousands of years?

        • marxalot

          Oh, there’s nothing in there except poppy fields. It’s like the realtors say, though: location, location, location.
          If you could control the passes, you could control two continents.
          You can’t, though. And maritime commerce is way more effective now. Also, we have airplanes now.

          • Master Contrail Program

            Apparently the Soviets found a bunch of rare earth minerals there. Of course it’s rather telling that they didn’t bother to try setting up the infrastructure and its security to extract them.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            Their helicopters kept falling out of the sky, for some reason.

          • Master Contrail Program

            Rambo and his flaming arrows?

          • georgiaburning

            Russia has a lot on their own soil. So do we. Problem is where and how much trouble it is to dig them out. Too bad they’re not in West Virginia.

          • hudson srinivasan

            but notice some thing. historically afg has tried to invade to the east. not to the west or north. but it has been attacked from all sides.

            #2. that is a very transactional view of afg. this whole business of seeing afghans only as tribal and fighty is very limited. and the main reason why most efforts fail.

          • hudson srinivasan

            that they have remained an agri society is their fate. but given the right exposure, afgs have taken to modernism and excelled from khan abdul gaffar khan to chalizi.

            you should also note that taliban is anti-thetical to their own power structures. the taliban is nominally pashtun but even they will fight them (for e.g., the yusufzais). the rest of the various ethnic groups resist them for obvious reasons.

            the taliban is not organic to afg is what i’m saying.

      • hudson srinivasan

        afg is access to warm waters for eurasian countries.

        • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

          well, and oil pipelines.

          • hudson srinivasan

            oil pipelines to warm water ports.

        • georgiaburning

          For a few hundred years Russia salivated about getting a warm weather port. Climate change may take care of that.
          Brits got tired of fighting in hills and just started taking over things moving east from Egypt.

    • Wolf Tracker

      We have never learned our mistakes from Korea and Vietnam.

      • AuntyMaude

        Learning only gets in a war profiteer’s way.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Those were different lessons.

      • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

        Nor did we learn from Russia’s mistake in Afghanistan.

    • Amy!

      Holy shit. They really have forgotten all of the lessons learned by both diplomats and the military since 1968, haven’t they?

      • jowgajen

        Never learned em and fired all the guys that knew something.

      • marxalot

        Every military incursion since Alexander has had to learn this one. Nobody ever thinks it’ll happen to them next time.

        • jowgajen

          What’s next a winter land war in Russia?

          • marxalot

            Any land war will swiftly become a winter war in Russia, but noooo, nobody wants to learn that one, either.

    • Win a battlefield victory? Bitch, please, do you not even know how these fuckers fight????

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Battlefield victories have been outre for centuries.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Wars of annihilation or attrition are the choice, and we the exposed stretched ones are opting for attrition, strategically, from a way-the-fuck far… versus someone who lives there… this was a stupid choice in 1830… and it still is… fuck.

  • Count Awesome

    I get this feeling Newt actually does dress up in an elephant costume and insists that Callista call him “Humpo”.

    • biologydave

      Humpo was the least funny Marx Brother IMO

      • Beanz&Berryz

        The “always on the ankles” thing got old and boring…

    • therblig

      in the trunk – junk or spunk?

  • WomanInThePersistence

    So how did things go in Phoenix?

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      won’t start for 2 hours.

      (which makes me laugh, as it’ll be 9 pm EST, so trump might be sleepy)

      • oooooo they gonna inject him with that shit that makes him sniff then.
        Look for it to last 30 minutes, or if it gets longer, look for him to go ape shit again

        • jowgajen

          The sniffing is his “tell”, it means he’s concentrating or lying or reading off the teleprompter (both). He did it when he was debating Hillz because he was focusing on not blowing up with rage.

          • I think the sniffing is an effect of the tranqs myself. My mom would get the sniffles like that when on her big time calm downs.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            I always thought it was the coke. Call me cynical.

            https://youtu.be/6Oi2kBNkRUg

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos
          • foiled again

            I think it means he’s full of boogers.

          • AuntyMaude

            runny boogers

          • AuntyMaude

            My take on it is that he does it when he’s trying to appear intelligent.

        • AuntyMaude

          He won’t need an injection; he’ll be high off all the hateful love his fans will be feeding him.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        sleepy… “off his game”

  • mancityRed6

    I’ve been naked since this morning…it was a good day.

  • Reximus
  • bluicebank

    NYT says McConnell privately stabbing Herr Drumph. Dead Brietbart chieftain Bannon publically slicing at Donnie’s ankles. CEOs all stabby. Vulgarian in Chief stabbing everyone.

    Night of the Long Knives this is not. That was in 1934 Nazi Germany and only one faction had knives. This is more like West Side Story, if the Jets and the Sharks were on meth. And drunk. And stupid. And ugly. And couldn’t sing. Other than that, just like West Side Story.

    • And they were all Jets.

    • mancityRed6

      I didn’t expect the downfall to be this soon.
      I saw it coming, but damn…I figured it would be longer…a year at least.

      • Jonny On Maui

        Can’t happen fast enough for me!

        • mancityRed6

          it will happen, and it will tear at the very fabric of…well, it will put the nazis on edge.
          but, it will happen. I guarantee it.

      • I called end of August. Needs to hurry up.

        • mancityRed6

          the pool is deeper than that. come on, now. everyone needs something to talk about at thanksgiving.

          • BearDeLaOursistance

            As a 35yo unmarried guy, I make a fine living hiring out for family events as a random second cousin for everyone to speculate about. The key is giving just the faintest HINT of a lisp. At the gigs in Missouri, all you have to do is ask for a second helping of salad.

          • mancityRed6

            german potato salad or regular?
            and, I don’t think it would work with me.

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      When you’re a douche, you’re a douche all the way from your first douchey act, til your last douchey daaaay…

      • Melania….I married a girl named Melania….

        • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

          … Eventually

      • Doug Langley

        Disturbingly, “America” still holds up just by substituting Puerto Rico with Mexico.

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        gah, you do that show once in h.s. and you never forget the lyrics.

    • jesterpunk
    • WomanInThePersistence

      Night of the Paring Knives.

    • Mavenmaven

      Fork all of ’em.

    • foiled again

      When you’re a Jet, you’re a Jet all the way, I guess.

  • Ms.MLG on Maui

    I got my Hawaii driver’s licence today. I am pleased to report I passed the vision test (with an assist from my glasses, of course), even after glaring resentfully (and directly) at the sun all damn day yesterday, waiting for a fake news “eclipse” that never happened. What a ripoff! It was like waiting for Trump to be presidential. I am also pleased to report the picture is only mostly terrible, instead of utterly awful, like usual. I am now registered to vote in Hawaii! All in all, a good morning.

    • jesterpunk

      How can you vote in Hawaii? Its somewhere in the Pacific in Kenya.

    • TheGrandWazoo2

      I’d like to be voted ONTO the island.

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        You vote yourself right on over!

    • foiled again

      If I ever get photoed for a Hawaii driver’s license, I’m gonna wear a lei and sunglasses with one lens missing.

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        I took in a picture I photoshopped of me riding a dolphin while eating a pizza, but they wouldn’t let me use it. So many foolish rules.

        • BearDeLaOursistance

          It was the pineapple, wasn’t it.

          • Ms.MLG on Maui

            They said it was “silly”. Hurtful!

    • Beanz&Berryz

      The New Miss Hawaii!

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        Aaaaaaand I can get a new library card now! Winning!

        • Beanz&Berryz

          But what comes with the swim suit exhibition?

          • Ms.MLG on Maui

            You aren’t ready for that!

  • Sophia
    • Count Awesome

      You’re guaranteed to have a bad trip.

    • OrG

      Why do you think they call it dope?

    • foiled again

      It’s the only way anyone can feel good about Trump’s head.

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      Were they adulteried?

    • Raan

      How else do you expect German Nazis to advertise that they’re Nazis?

  • jesterpunk

    Being married 3 or more times just makes someone a traditional family values republican. Not like Bill and Hillary who have been married to each other since 1975 or Barack and Michelle Obama who have only been married to each other since 1992.

  • Doug Langley

    No energy to get into details, but:

    Boss had “talk” about why I get instructions fucked up
    Boss didn’t like how I was walking so close to her when she was showing me what to do
    I fired off email to staff agency saying I wasn’t interested in a perm position with the place, if offered

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Nooooo!

    • Is this the one that can’t calm her jets?

      • Doug Langley

        That’s the one. NOTHING makes her happy.

        • Don’t try to. It is an impossible task.
          And not up to you anyway. Her happiness is on her.

    • Wolf Tracker

      Do you by chance have a hearing deficit?

      Just curious as people stand close if they can’t hear well.

      • Doug Langley

        No, I hear fine. It’s doing what I think she wants. She says absolutely, positively do it this way. Then a week later, do some more, then gets upset if I do it the same. She wants me to ask if I have questions, yet everything I do she stares at me with a “My GOD are you stupid” look. And today she didn’t like how I was walking. I am not making this up, I swear.

        • Jonny On Maui

          Run away. As fast as you can.

        • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

          this is EXACLTY what happened at hte recent ill fated law job. Almost word for fucking word.

          (Except the walking thing, that’s just nutz)

          • Doug Langley

            I’ll explain. She had something new for me to do. Cart with files. She pushes cart into file room. I follow behind her. She suddenly swings cart to go other way and “You’re in front of me!” I backtrack and she cries “You’re getting in the way!!” Finally “JUST STAND STILL!!!” I stop. She finishes at end of room, then eyes me and tells me to get over and see what she wants me to do.

          • This is not “strong woman boss lady” this is “insecure dumbass making people’s lives misery because they are miserable”

          • Doug Langley

            What’s weird is how everyone else is so mellow and polite.

          • BearDeLaOursistance

            There are some ass nuggets in the profession, especially in the larger firms. As a review temp, I once got confronted by a staff attorney who was certain I’d stolen my two cans of sparkling water from the partners’ conference room, because that floor’s vending machine didn’t sell that flavor. I had gotten them from the break room one floor up…

          • Doug Langley

            Which reminds me. My floor has a men’s room which accommodates only one at a time. And NO water fountain.

        • Wolf Tracker

          OK, just thought I would ask in case it is something to have checked.

          Best of luck.

        • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

          Have you tried high heels?

        • BearDeLaOursistance

          “If I could walk THAT way, I wouldn’t need a job!!”

    • jesterpunk

      Sorry Doug, hope you can find something else soon.

      • Doug Langley

        Also, the commute was bugging me. And the endless physical labor. I don’t even get a chair to sit in. Can’t go to the gym, cuz too worn out.

        • jesterpunk

          Long commutes are the worst, on the way in your just thinking about how much it sucks and on the way back you are just wishing you where home.

          • Doug Langley

            It sounds funny, but when quitting time rolls around, I start hearing the tune “It’s the most wonderful time of the day”.

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      that sucks, but it may be better for your mental health. No one wants to work with people like that. (which is maybe why they needed a staffing agency to begin with. I did a 3 day gig with an attorney who went through legal secretaries like toilet paper. They told me, “NO ONE likes him.”

      • Doug Langley

        I believe it. I’ve had good bosses and bad bosses. I’ve had actually had a boss so awful the stress literally put me in the hospital. This isn’t so bad, but I don’t see why I should bother going past the contract.

        • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

          all true. I’ve had paralegals here (and elsewhere) talk about spending their lunch hours in the bathroom crying.

          A really awesome lady who was in my room at the ill-fated law job told me she stopped working for the named partner cause it was literally making her ill.

          • Doug Langley

            Which is why I really hate community college making it impossible for me to teach there. My bosses were sweethearts.

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            fuckers.

            Best wishes to you buddy – and i imagine anybody whose been through that shit would send the same.

          • Doug Langley

            Thanks – and I TOTALLY understand your bad experience.

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            it’s brutal, cause you’re like, “Just tell me what you want!” and the “but dont’ change it every other week” is implied.

            Man, that pissed me off. “Why are you doing it this way?” “that’s the way we did it last week” “No it isn’t!”

            And the question things too, I got in trouble for asking questions (the same questions according to my senior, and remember htis is complicated shit, shit that keeps changing) and then I’d fuck something up and they’d say, “why didn’t you ask?”

            I wanted to say, “cause you always tell me you’re busy and look like you’d rather clean port-a-potties than answer my question.”

    • TheGrandWazoo2

      I had one of those once. The only thing that made her happy was making everyone else miserable.

  • Sophia

    So what state do you live in?

    MAPPING THE MOST AND LEAST TROLL-RIDDEN PLACES IN THE U.S.

    https://www.wired.com/2017/08/internet-troll-map?

    • jesterpunk

      PA is only 7.5% trolls?

      • yeah but philly is over 10.
        REPRESENT

        • jesterpunk

          I am surprised Philly is that low honestly.

      • ariel_gee_398

        Mustn’t be including the Congressional delegation.

        • jesterpunk

          A lot of them would just be assholes not trolls though.Then there is Santorum too.

    • h4rr4r

      That’s a bullshit story though. Trolling is not just writing something not nice. Trolling is writing something to get an emotional reaction.

      • mancityRed6

        you say that now

        • h4rr4r

          I had considered making my comment in a more inflammatory manner.

      • Raan

        Well, Wired can’t just up and write about dicks.

        That’s​ OUR job.

      • Sophia

        I agree. Click bait title.

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      We already knew the Bernie Bros of VT were the worst.

    • WWHOOAAAA. Cali folks, WTF with Bellflower???

    • foiled again

      I live in a state of fur-lined hollow log-ism.

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      wow – that user interface on that graphic is the absolute worst fucking thing ever. Besides Windows.

    • mancityRed6

      6% in Kansas? jeez, am I alone here?

      • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

        Well, there’s Shanzgood.

        • mancityRed6

          slacker.
          no, kidding.

      • No, it is a bad study. They are using percentiles of the places, not against the whole.
        So sparsely populated places are going to have less people on the internets and therefore, a lesser score.
        It is a dumb.
        Also, what they call mildly toxic is barely even disagreement.

        • h4rr4r

          Not matter how toxic, unless done to provoke a response it is not trolling.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            That’s bullshit!

          • Lord Jim

            Fuck you, stupid libtard. Missing your Soros check this month?

            Gonna take me a while to get the hang of this…

          • Beanz&Berryz

            Hugz Man.. and a pat on the ass…

          • What’s wrong, donkey fucker? Get your needle dick caught in the pencil sharpener again?
            *twirls*
            I did AOL chat rooms back in the 90’s. I GOT this.

          • mancityRed6

            *respect given*

          • Lord Jim

            You WORK it, girlfriend!

          • The trick is to not even try to make sense with your invectives.
            Just spew out anything you can so long as you adhere to the basic tenements of grammar. It will sound like an insult.
            Example:
            Why so glum, pepsi faced pipsqueak? Aw, no one licked your boo boo all better and now your hair is flat.

            See? Makes no sense if you try to parse it. Sounds like a wicked mean insult, however.

          • Lord Jim
          • This is also true.
            Still, mildly amusing for all it is worth, which is not very much.

    • AJ Milne

      Disqus. We also need maps of:

      . snarks per capita
      . pants per capita

      (/Also of course allcaps per capital.)

      • I want cats per capita.

        • mancityRed6

          2 cats

          • need moar cats

          • mancityRed6

            no, oh dear lord no, I’m only 43

          • A cat for every year!

          • mancityRed6

            oh god no. I couldn’t keep up with that pet rent.

    • La forza del resistino

      I use a Taiwanese zipcode in my Disqus profile

      • bluicebank

        Remember to never get in a land war in Asia.

        • Msgr_MΩment

          Oh, shit. Well, I guess that explains why we’ve always been at war with Eastasia.

    • bluicebank

      Used to work as a journo in Bellflower, 1980s. It was the Siberia of the Southeast L.A. beat, in a good way. Nobody bothered us. The only news was in the strip club. Well, well, they finally got on the map. Take that, Compton.

  • Changeling

    This was discussed below but I wanted to repeat because FFS.

    A self-described “email prankster” seemingly fooled top editors at Breitbart over the weekend into believing he was Steve Bannon, the fired White House chief strategist who returned to the right-wing website as executive chairman on Friday.

    In other emails, Marlow suggested he could have Jared Kushner and Ivanka Trump ousted from the White House “by end of year” and shared a personal smear about their private lives, perhaps an indication of how low the website is willing to go to achieve its agenda.

    CNN has chosen not to repeat the smear because it is unfounded and unsubstantiated.

    http://money.cnn.com/2017/08/22/media/breitbart-prank-emails/index.html

    Guess what the smear is? Guess?

    http://digg.com/2017/bannon-breitbart-email-prank

    • How low? Blightfart? Lower than calling Michelle a cow and an ape for 8 years? REALLY? HOW LOW????

      • BearDeLaOursistance

        If they Limbo any deeper, they’ll drown in unbaptized babbys.

    • Lord Jim

      Wingnuts have an obsession with sexual arousal via watching black men fuck their women. What up wi’ dat?

      • I guess it beats getting into their gimp suits.

        • Count Awesome

          Baby powder or cornstarch?

  • Pierre_de_Fermat

    Meanwhile, back in the Senate …

    http://talkingpointsmemo.com/dc/nytimes-mcconnell-trump-relationship-in-free-fall


    According to the report, McConnell “has privately expressed uncertainty that Mr. Trump will be able to salvage his administration” after a tumultuous summer, and has not spoken to the President in weeks.

    Before silence descended between the two Republican leaders, according to the
    New York Times, Trump and McConnell had a “profane shouting match” on a phone call earlier in August.

  • Lord Jim

    American Prospect has an article on the broader context of Confederate statues in predominately-black Southern cities.

    • La forza del resistino

      those statues need more crow poop droppings of the Jim variety.

  • bookish

    https://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2017/08/trump-afghanistan-promises-speech/537594/?utm_source=nl-politics-daily-082217

    Sunk costs are sunk costs, but it’s hard to treat them that way—even for the most cold-blooded of strategists—when they represent lives lost, and when those lives are, for many of us, not faceless names but men and women we served with and knew intimately.

    Yet Trump overpromised last night—in terms of what we can achieve in Afghanistan, and in terms of how Afghanistan’s neighbors will respond. One of the nation’s leading Afghanistan experts called the speech “an incoherent wish list unmoored in political reality or principle.”

    Neither India nor Pakistan will further bend their nation’s policies toward that of the United States, and U.S. troops and their Afghan partners are unlikely to achieve anything approaching the decisive defeat of an indigenous enemy.

    And so, like everything else in Trump’s presidency, he is bound to underdeliver.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      “an incoherent wish list unmoored in political reality or principle.” The Trump political roadmap…

      • Eloquent, but I prefer
        “Utter bullshit he thinks makes him sound smart and strong”

        • Beanz&Berryz

          Equality

      • Geez, Trump is already running for Election in 20.

        It’s all about “sending a message” to his base.

        Nothing has to make sense, it’s about their FEELINGS

        • Beanz&Berryz

          And the only one of those that matters is anger…

    • AJ Milne

      Trouble is, he’s become the king of low expectations.

      Works about like this:

      Trump: promises a turkey in every pot.

      Congressional budget office: he hasn’t done the math for this. Way he and his have budgeted for this, count on maybe a couple pigeon feathers.

      Pundits: people, hide your pots. All of ’em. By the time this is done, they’re winding up repossessed somehow.

      Execution: six people fired and blamed, turkeys and pigeons both now extinct.

    • h4rr4r

      I will tell you how to win in Afghanistan, no really.

      Protect the cities, build hospitals, schools, McDonald’s, build out infrastructure, cable tv and provide subsidized air conditioning.

      • OrG

        Commie!

      • AuntyMaude

        If only they had done that after Russia finnally left in the 80’s? late 70’s?

        • h4rr4r

          1989 the Soviets left Afghanistan.

          • AuntyMaude

            Jesus. Wasn’t it like a decade-long war?

          • h4rr4r

            Yup, but we did get a great Rambo movie out of it.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            And helped blow up a shit ton of Soviet helicopters

          • AuntyMaude

            Oh well in that case…

      • Where’s the profit to be made in doing that I ask you?

        • h4rr4r

          This is the problem right here.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Bwa hahaha… infrastructure….. like here!

      • sarafina

        Pity they can’t do some of that here – Mickey D can take care of himself.

    • hudson srinivasan

      in pakistan this is likely to cause some anxiety. i will wait a couple of days before bit are uploaded from urdu channels on youtube. but traditionally pakistanis get hot and bothered over all sorts of things. whatever else they have or not they get their antennas all up on geo-strategic issues. perhaps because they are a rentier state to begin with.

      • imma go out on a limb and suggest any country might be a bit upset about being told by some other country “you better do what we say or else.”
        It is sort of a thing countries have with that methinks.

        • hudson srinivasan

          sure. but pakistan depends on rent from the US. it has since 1947. documented by a US reporter in fall 1947. i just can’t remember her name right now. i’ll figure it out.

    • Left Coast Tom

      Neither India nor Pakistan will further bend their nation’s policies toward that of the United States,

      Pissing off both India and Pakistan in the same speech has to be some sort of record.

      • Maybe it is like some sort of reverse psychology to get them friends or something?
        Like utoh, the US is being an ass, and I do not like you but…since we do live near each other maybe we should watch each other’s backs?

        • sarafina

          India and Pakistan cannot possible watch each more closely, they are deadly serious enemies.

          Because, I believe, of religious differences.

          • I know, hence why I figured it might be reverse psychology.
            Because surely no one, even derp Furor, can be so dumb as to be sayin that shit and mean it.

  • Christopher Story

    OT: My girl and I have refined our poem. She would like your feedback.
    Ahem…

    Humpty Trumpty sat on a wall
    Humpty Trumpty had a great fall
    All the Great Generals
    And all the Klansmen
    Couldn’t put Humpty Trumpty
    Back together again.

    • janecita

      I like it! It’s perfect already.

    • Very nice. Leave out the third Humpty for the flow. That always bugged me in the original.

    • AuntyMaude

      love the klansmen bit. suggestion: remove humpty from 5th line and back from 6th line

      • Christopher Story

        Ok. She says, try this:
        Humpty Trumpty sat on a wall
        Humpty Trumpty had a great fall
        All the Great Generals
        And all the Klansmen
        Couldn’t put Trumpty together again

        • yyaaayyyyyy!!!!!!

          • Christopher Story

            She blushes and says thank you.

        • AuntyMaude

          Two thumbs up! Waaay up! :D

          • Christopher Story

            Awww… She says “Thank you.”

      • Permit-holder Ron

        The ‘Humpty’ in the 5th line is actually in the original rhyme. Seems it’s not meant to scan.

    • mancityRed6

      Mueller is hard at work, and Bannon continues in his job.

    • hudson srinivasan

      lol

    • Permit-holder Ron
  • WIDTAP

    Just to repeat the warning given at Woodstock, “Guys! there some bad acid out there. Be safe.”

    http://abcnews.go.com/International/5000-ecstasy-tablets-shaped-trumps-face-seized-germany/story?id=49358578

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Umm… how do you be careful about that?

      • Jonny On Maui

        Would you put anything in your mouth that has any resemblance to trump?

        • Beanz&Berryz

          On so many levels no…

        • So that is the german’s idea of just say no? Make it so horrible no one will put it in their mouth?

    • altleftjohn

      Are they sure it isn’t meth? Or horse tranquilizer?

  • clubseal

    When I worked at a Big Lots! lo, those many years ago, we used to refer to Vienna sausages as “dog dicks.” I’m not sure how many times I had to catch myself about to tell a customer something was near the cans of dog dicks.

    • altleftjohn

      Were they next to the salted rat dicks?

      • clubseal

        I honestly wouldn’t have been surprised to find such a product on a Big Lots! shelf.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Dog dick libel!

      Seriously. They do run on the long side.

  • hudson srinivasan

    ot: warm muggy day. around evening though, stiff breeze. the air filled with smells of the earth. if it rains tonight, that would complete the picture of an idyllic tropical paradise. this about a city in the north-east.

  • mancityRed6

    oh god, I have to go to work tomorrow.
    fuck.

    • janecita

      Just win that 650 million jackpot tonight, easy peasy.

      • mancityRed6

        if I win, I’ll split it with you.
        of course, you have to play to win and I’m not dressed for going out.

        • If I win, I am giving each and every wonker here 100k. Yesss…even you guy.
          Course, I probably should have bought a ticket. But I figure: I bought tickets all those years and did not win, so this time I will not buy one and try my luck.

          • mancityRed6

            mo money, mo problems.
            it’s not just a song.

          • Tis why you give it all away, see. I am not being altruistic, I am cursing everyone muahahahahaha

          • mancityRed6

            you are evil… I like that.

          • Permit-holder Ron

            I don’t want MO money, I would be perfectly happy with SOME money.

    • Doug Langley

      You don’t have to work till Wednesday?? Bummer.

      • mancityRed6

        ten hour days. I took Tuesday off, Monday came with it.

  • janecita

    Are all 13 year old girls mouthy, little bitches? Mine is driving nuts today, I must be pmsing.

    • Covfefe

      At 13 she’s pmsing? I feel it’s just your regular 13-year-old-girling.

      • janecita

        I’m the one pmsing, I don’t have any patience today.

        • Covfefe

          Guess I read that one wrong.

          I tried.

      • TJ Barke

        Janecita was wondering if she was pms-ing herself.

      • DrBigHead

        My poor little girl (15) gets hit like a ton of bricks once a month. She is otherwise one incredibly tough kid. That’s how I know its for real.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          I had awful periods when I was young. The pill helped immensely.

          • h4rr4r

            I don’t have that set of equipment, but my wife agrees.

            Also too as a Dad, 15 is getting real close to time for something like that.

          • janecita

            Me too, same thing with my poor daughter. We both got it when we were 11 years old.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Oh dear, the pill isn’t helping her?

          • janecita

            She isn’t on it yet. I’m going to wait a couple of years before we try it. I’m hoping that she grows out of it.

          • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

            My daughter was 12, but starting growing breasts at 8. I was 14, and the last girl in my class. That is worse than being the first, in many ways. My mom was 16 and my GM was 19. So I expected to be late, but dayum.

    • TJ Barke

      Teenage girls are often terrible.

      • janecita

        They are the fucking devil!

        • Christopher Story

          If children are a gift from God, he must be into practical jokes

          • jesterpunk

            Just based on who God tells to run for President I would say he is either an asshole or into really messed up comedy.

          • Christopher Story

            It’s funny when it’s not happening to you,

          • jesterpunk

            That is true.

          • WIDTAP

            Andrew Dice Clay is God?

            I do NOT wish to subscribe to your church’s weekly bulletin.

          • Yo yo, Mary mary quite contrary how does your garden grow?
            WITH TITS. HHHOOOO!!!!!!

          • WIDTAP

            What doesn’t kill you, make you stronger. It’s just that the heart attack will hurt like a bitch.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            They’re pretty fab as 20-somethings… even the girlzes

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          I’m going to stay out of your way today.

          • janecita

            Are you a teenage girl?

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Not last time I checked.

          • Jonny On Maui

            Now I have to ask. How often?

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            A gentleman never tells!

          • Parakeetist

            I was.

        • DrBigHead

          Especially to each other, at least that has been my observation (shared by MsBigHead)

          • Permit-holder Ron

            My daughters, as teenagers, were never terrible to each other. They ganged up on their mother instead.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      I had my 12 yr old, more than once, rip me a new one coming and going, while I struggled for one word… I don’t know all, but… being the calm adult isn’t the worst response…

      • Invisible Bunyip

        After ten years of teaching, my mother transferred to an all-boys school in order to avoid never ending waves of 13 year old girls.

        • AmazingProfessionalCrastinator

          After 10 years of teaching, my brother quit teaching. He taught freshman remedial English in Baltimore City Schools.

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      You shouldn’t talk about the president that way.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      I was. It has nothing to do with your cycle.

    • Joe Beese

      Search your memories. You may not have been a bundle of sunshine at her age either.

      The circle of life…

      • janecita

        I was a wonderful, perfect, adorable teenager;-)

        • WomanInThePersistence

          Of course you were. I base my finding on the fact that you are a wonderful, adorable grown-up.

      • WIDTAP

        Too true. As you surface those old memories, pay special attention to the one where your mother appears as a decrepit old hag and curses, “May you someday have children who behave JUST. LIKE. YOU!

        • Sophia

          Curse backfires because as a gramma you babysit.

          • sarafina

            But not 24-7 for 18 years.

        • Jeff Ackerman

          The one boy that my wife told that to has twins, just. like. him.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        I’m not a bundle of sunshine now. My parents still grieve.

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      I know I was. My Mom should have murdered me.

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      Then they grow up to be Steven Mnuchin’s wife Louise.

    • DrBigHead

      Based on a personal sample of two, getting the boy through adolescence was a breeze. His sister, not so much (so far)

      • Wanna borrow mine and get them through for me? For I fear I may do drastic things

        • DrBigHead

          I don’t know. I started the whole catastrophe at age 40. Don’t think I have it in me anymore.

          • My husband was erm….49 when we had our first.
            So he is busy screaming get off my lawnisms while 15 year old is screaming teenisms and now 12 year old is getting into the fun.
            I need to run away or something for a couple days.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            *hugs*

          • DrBigHead

            Good lord, woman. Hang in there.

          • Jonny On Maui

            Door’s always open…

          • Beanz&Berryz

            “I hear you.. You sound frustrated… What do you think we could….”

          • I feel bad cause now I am bitchin XD Sorry guys, it is not /that/ bad! Everyone is healthy and I do love the three critters.
            Just not when they start their shit.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            Rantses are good… They’re all with a grain of salt. As the writing guidelines from the Economist magazine (supposedly) say… for a good story “simplify and exaggerate”

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Please don’t apologize for bitching. We all deserve our moments.

          • Hubby DID agree to take the spawn to Karate tonight. My back’s been acting up so I opted out this session.
            I got the whole house to myself til 9. *runs with scissors*

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Have you considered sheet-caking?

          • I did consider going to bed early after a shower with no one fighting while I do so!
            Speaking of :hugs:

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Awwww, thanks.

          • Jonny On Maui

            “I love you so much I’m not going to turn you into soup today!”

          • Ms.MLG on Maui

            Dude. If you can’t complain about how hard it is to raise human beings to adulthood, I don’t know what you can complain about.

          • Boils. Pretty sure you can complain about boils.

          • Ms.MLG on Maui

            Lol..at least you don’t have boils AND boys.

          • When the boys were little, they would get boils. Tried everything. Finally went with dial soap.
            Who knew?

          • Ms.MLG on Maui

            I’m filing that away in my home remedies file.

          • Permit-holder Ron

            Heh… at one point my ex went to SF for a couple of weeks just to get some away time, when ours were 8 and 5. I still believe she REALLY didn’t want to come back.

          • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

            I know I don’t. I had my daughter at 29 and acquired the stepson at 39.

    • mancityRed6

      it’s been a long time since I talked to a 13 year old girl.
      I think I was 13

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        My niece is 14. She’s a BAP (Black American Princess). I am afraid that she is being raised for a world that stopped existing in 1964. I battled my parents over their “rules” and was able to adjust to the real world. I worry that she and her brother will never launch, or be allowed to launch.

    • Wolf Tracker

      Watch a movie she likes and eat some ice cream.

      Teen years are hard and could be anything that set her off and probably nothing to do with you.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Best way to deal: Stay calm, repeat what you said and don’t try and fall into an argument or rebut their claims or none of that.

      • puredog

        I understand that the phrase “because I said so” is extremely useful and has a universally calming effect.

        • Catstro

          Almost as calming as the phrase “calm down”

    • The one, and only time, in my life that my mom and I were at odds I was 12 or 13. It was also the one, and only, time in my life that I called her a bitch right to my face.
      Sure wish I had known dad was home….

      • janecita

        I called my mother stupid once, she smacked me across the face, I was 16 at the time.

        • My sister did something similar and got the same result, at about the same age.
          But I myself only had that issue that one year. I dunno if I got over myself or broke her.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          I wouldn’t have lived if I had said that to my mother.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        True story. When I was 13, I crawled out onto the roof and screamed “My mother is a bitch.” I regret that to this day.

        • Me too. Even though logical brain says it is normal and all.

        • TootsStansbury

          I bet she laughed about that one.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            She does now. At the time she was distinctly unamused.

          • Toomush_Inferesistance

            You are all so sweet. Our first daughter just went behind our back quietly. The second threw it all in our faces daily….Both are lovely now, but holy christ….

          • WomanInThePersistence

            It gets better.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        My daughter never went there. She did try calling me “girlfriend” once. Once.

    • Red Bird

      If that’s true then I’m eternally 13 years old.

    • TootsStansbury

      Stomp stomp stomp DON’T WE HAVE ANY CHOCOLATE AROUND HERE? YOU ARE THE WORST PARENTS EVER! Stom stomp SLAM

      My lovely daughter as a teen.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        You were very very lucky….

    • Changeling

      If it’s any consolation, I think it’s good if kids get through their teens in their teens – the ones who are well-behaved will do it twice as hard in their twenties and run away to India.

    • Parakeetist

      She’s in puberty. That’s what you should expect.

    • hudson srinivasan

      our niece gave her mom a heads up about what she will and will not do when she grows up. we were all shocked by her confidence. but she is very nice otherwise and generally a person who takes her role as a big sister seriously.

    • Sophia

      I don’t have a 13 yo but if memory serves me right I was a mouthy little bitch from 13 to about 16/17.

    • Jeff Ackerman

      My very patient wife raised 7 children, (we aren’t Catholic, we adopted) I helped. I think the attitude and mouthy stage is to help us throw them out of the nest to fly on their own. I know I was lucky my parents never drowned me in the bathtub…

      • oooo that is a good theory. Sort of like how an infant’s cry is biologically meant to trigger the need to do something for said infant? a 13 year old’s cry triggers the biological need to have them someplace else.

        • Jeff Ackerman

          One of our friends (holding her one year old grandchild) told her daughter, “If I had known grandchildren were so much fun, I’d of had them first.”

    • Les Appentis De la résistance

      I ran away from home at that age. For 2 hours. I ran out of oranges that I brought with me. Wait till they’re 17-21 and completely change into great adults.

    • TootsStansbury

      God hates me. I went through early menopause while raising a teenager. It’s amazing we both came out the other side of that mess.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Did you forget to lock yours in the cellar when she was twelve?… only 5 or 6 years to go!…

    • TootsStansbury

      You will both laugh your asses off about all this in a few years.

      • janecita

        I hope so!

  • La forza del resistino

    White House: Trump Won’t Pardon Arpaio At Arizona Rally
    Instead the WH commits to a $200 credit at the prison commissary in appreciation of Joe’s service.

    • ariel_gee_398

      What group will Donnie be taking money from for this act of largesse? Kids with cancer again? Endangered animals? Starving orphans?

      • Everrett Fanuelli

        Aryan Brotherhood is chipping in 50.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        What are “veterans”, Alex.

    • lol that is some appreciation. Billionaire gave 2oo bucks!

      • Sophia

        Probably coming from his Foundation. You know it’s not from his pocket

        • Oh hell, I would be very surprised if he did not turn to whatever aide was nearest and just ordered them to cough it up.

          • Sophia

            Is that where the Secret Service money has been going?

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        Alleged billionaire. Self proclaimed billionaire.
        I have an MBA in accounting and net worth = assets – liabilities.

    • hudson srinivasan

      how did he comeup with that number, $200?

  • Christopher Story

    I am sad to say, I managed to get a sunburn under the solar eclipse. It hurts.

    • mancityRed6

      burn!

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        ISWYDT

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      So, you got mooned?

      • AJ Milne

        Thing that freaked me out is: I coulda sworn, whatever angle I looked at it, the umbra was coming toward me…

        Yep. It was like I was being followed by a moon shadow.

        • ariel_gee_398

          Well thanks for getting this stuck in my head: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hr0rDW5j1KU

          • AJ Milne

            True story: ‘You’re so vain’ was stuck in my head much of last week. I _think_ it’s because the eclipse was so continually in the news, and that line about flying a Lear jet to Nova Scotia.

          • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

            I always liked the way she made Scotia into two syllables.

          • Permit-holder Ron

            It IS two syllables each.

          • Maclare 🌒

            When I was a kid, I thought that line was “…you flew your liver to Nova Scotia to see the total eclipse of the sun.”

            Which made as much sense as any lyrics to kid me.

          • Christopher Story

            THANK YOU!!! I grew up on Cat.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Me too. I had his poster on my bedroom wall when I was 14 and I used to close the door and get undressed in front of it. Don’t tell my mother, she’d give me THAT LOOK. My favorite movie is “Harold and Maude” and all the music in it is by Cat Stevens, which is one reason why I went back to see it 7 times.
            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=juJNW4yOG68

          • AuntyMaude

            Loved H&M!

          • Angela Ruzzo

            The funny thing is that when I was 14 I Grokked Harold, and now I am 61 and I Grok Maude.

          • Christopher Story

            That’s the album I grew up on! “Matthew and Son” still gives me chills.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            “Sad Lisa” always gave me chills. I like to vacuum to “Peace Train” – I turn it up real loud and sing along, it makes vacuuming more fun.

          • AuntyMaude

            Misters handsome Cat!

        • Beanz&Berryz

          mooon shadow, moon shadow.

        • AuntyMaude

          Moon shadow. Moon shadow. ?

      • Christopher Story
    • Wolf Tracker

      Wouldn’t that just leave a huge ass ring burn?

      Are you just dark on one side?

      That would be cool!

      • Christopher Story

        I should do a rendition of Ebony and Ivory before I fade!

    • Jonny On Maui

      The hardest thing to watch on the beaches here is the pale white skin fry to a bright Rosy red. It happens quick. Sunscreen is not your friend, it’s a necessity.

      Thus endith your friendly neighborhood PSA…

      • Christopher Story

        They stopped selling the lead based stuff

        • Jonny On Maui

          And that’s really a shame. It was quite tasty…

          • Christopher Story

            And then we found each other

      • Angela Ruzzo

        But pale white skin is a sign of racial superiority, didn’t you know that? White Skin Fry is the price we have to pay. (Snark, in case you missed it)

    • WIDTAP

      Are you sure it wasn’t the Trump announcement on Afghanistan the same day? I understand the stupid burns. You have to be careful of overexposure.

    • AuntyMaude

      Ouch. What percentage of your body was burned?

      • Christopher Story

        Let’s see. It was a 90% eclipse, and only 20% of my skin was exposed. So 10% is more than 30% burnt. I think that’s how that works.

        • AuntyMaude

          Sounds right to me. Unsolicited advice alert: vitamin E is great for healing the skin.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    Damn! There’s A LOT of people out on the streets of Phoenix protesting Trump.

    • Wolf Tracker

      Any there supporting him?

      • TheGrandWazoo2

        You don’t expect Fake News to cover that do you?

        • Wolf Tracker

          We need a side by side comparison of crowd size like his inauguration pics to Obama.

          • Sophia

            Like anyone would believe a picture

          • sarafina

            Old people out there are REALLY old. If they go out into the sun they just lie there like lizards.

          • Toomush_Inferesistance

            My favorite occupation…sans pants, of course…

          • sarafina

            TMI

          • m3bosha

            My parents live there. They finished dinner a half hour ago, they are watching fox news and arguing about the air conditioning. Mom is wearing a sweater to prove her point. Dad will be in bed in about 2 hours.

          • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

            My dad falls asleep any time he is left alone for more than 15 minutes. And yes, he is still driving.

    • Left Coast Tom

      Well, their elected officials did tell him not to come. That seemed like fair warning.

    • I pray to the cosmos that everyone is safe.
      And yes, I mean everyone.

      • I don’t trust any of those righties in an open-carry state.

        • I don’t trust em in a not open carry state

          • Stulexington

            I wouldn’t trust them in a foreign country either.

          • AuntyMaude

            I would not trust them here or there. I would not trust them anywhere!

          • Stulexington
          • AuntyMaude

            They do the Dr. right! Thanks for sharing.

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time
  • mancityRed6

    I have to reup for my apartment.
    dammit, it’s almost been a year.

    • hudson srinivasan

      what is reup?

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        sign a new lease.

      • mancityRed6

        sign up for another year.

        • La forza del resistino

          funny how depreciation deductions don’t apply to monthly rents but only to the landlord’s balance sheets.

          • mancityRed6

            yeah, but I don’t have to mow or clean the gutters.
            not my job anymore.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I own a house and I don’t mow or clean gutters. I pay someone to do it. I figure by the time I buy the riding lawn mower (it’s a big lot), buy the shed to store it in, pour concrete for the slab to put the shed on, sharpen the blade and change the oil every year, and buy the gasoline, I am ahead by paying a neighbor $25 to mow every two weeks. One day I realized I had been mowing yards for 40 fucking years and I said “Enough already!”

          • mancityRed6

            except for the house on the corner, this is the yard I grew up mowing.
            block to block
            https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c48434a16cbe88e5c5a704435102501a3a41eb33af2d22493672a1c5c31e0157.png

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Yikes! Looks like the one I grew up mowing, which was almost an acre. My father refused to buy a riding mower for some absurd reason, probably just to watch us suffer because HE had to mow 5 acres backwards and uphill both ways using a rotary manual mower and carrying his little brother on his back when HE was a little boy.

          • mancityRed6

            that house took 2 and 1/2 hours, the backyard took four.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            When I bought a little house in St. Louis on a 1/8 acre lot, I killed off all the grass and had zoysia sod put down. I only had to mow once a month and it took only 30 minutes. I could never figure out why everyone didn’t do that, but my neighbors said “I don’t like zoysia, it turns yellow in the winter.” So who cares what color the grass is when it’s 20 degrees outside, nobody goes outside in the winter here. BFD.

          • mancityRed6
          • La forza del resistino

            a flock of sheep work miracles on grass, but they need spiritual guidance on Sundays.

          • mancityRed6

            we let the neighbor store his boat and 1918 model A in the garage we never used in exchange for him mowing the big backyard. it still took him 2 hours on a rider.

          • DirtyHippyLiberal

            Many moons ago, I worked in property management. The general rule of thumb was that if you have close to full occupancy, it’s time to raise the rents.

        • hudson srinivasan

          renew lease, you mean? yup always a PITA and they always get very uppity with arbitrary increase in rent. they know you made a life here and don’t want to leave. bastards.

          • jesterpunk

            That is the one nice thing about renting from private landlords. They dont increase the rent and would rather have a steady income instead of finding new tenants.

          • Right? My current is a private, and we’ve lived here for 10 years with no increase at all.
            I feel bad now :/ Maybe he shoulda?

          • jesterpunk

            I have been at my current place for going on 6 years now and a previous place for 5 with no increase at all and only signing a lease once. I asked my current landlord about him raising the rent after he had to replace the entire central air system and outside air conditioner. He said he would rather have someone here and steady rent from a tenant who doesnt get any complaints then raise the rent and finding someone else.

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            he’s smart.

          • My landlord likes us cause we tend the place, don’t make waves, help if he needs it and pay for things like my son throwing a ball through a window.
            So I dig XD

          • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

            That was me. If they had taken good care of the place, I’d let them stay another month in lieu of returning the security deposit. I always preferred month-to-month agreements.

          • mancityRed6

            13 bucks extra, actually only $3 extra since I signed a 13 month lease. and aside from the neighbors with their head board knocking at 2 AM (my bed is not against that wall), it’s fairly quiet.

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            that’s not a bad increase actually.

          • hudson srinivasan

            that not bad at all.

          • AuntyMaude

            Huh. What do ya think they’re doing over there at 2a.m.?

          • mancityRed6

            something fun for about 60 seconds? that’s how long the noise lasts.
            normally, it doesn’t wake me up.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Get more weed…
        Oh, nevermind.

        • mancityRed6

          that’s at least a 10 hour drive…wait.

  • I think Callista looks better rolling behind Ann Althouse.

    • MynameisBlarney

      GAH!

      • WomanInThePersistence

        I consider myself warned.

        • Right? Before I click I wait to see the first response. It has never failed me yet.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Survival skills must never be unappreciated.

      • Yeah, but it could have been worse… the same snark-slinger came up with ‘goatse Breitbart’, spoofing that horrible photoshop of him as a knight.

  • Fancy Meau-Faux

    Italian anti-fascists are a bit more serious than American ones. He should do just fine over there.

  • Joe Beese
    • Wolf Tracker

      McConell gets to see all the evidence the committee’s see and he knows Trump is dirty and going down.

      • Everrett Fanuelli

        McConnell will do whatever is in his power to prolong the Trump presidency. Don’t be fooled. They may have had a pissing contest but they share the same endeavors.

        • Wolf Tracker

          If he knows Trump has serious criminal actions that are going to come out in the investigation he will move the GOP away from him to protect the party and that is what I see happening.

          The GOP were way quick to sanction the Russians over Trump’s objections.

        • Toomush_Inferesistance

          Not so sure – it’s all about Elaine…

        • Angela Ruzzo

          McConnell would eat Trump’s fresh defecations if it meant keeping the Republicans in control.

        • AuntyMaude

          Like finishing turning America into a 3rd world country?

      • Stulexington

        He knew Trump was dirty over a year ago.

        • jesterpunk

          “Lets keep it in the family”

          • wait! what?

            Worst gonorrhea slogan, ever…

          • AJ Milne

            … in fairness, there’s not a lot of _good_ gonorrhea slogans…

            (… tho’ the Sesame Street Sharing Song makes a pretty great jingle.)

        • Wolf Tracker

          I think alot of us seen that and most thought he would never get elected because he was so scummy even the GOP.

          • AuntyMaude

            He actually got elected? I thought I was just having a really long lucid nightmare. Fuck!

    • Flake is giving KY to Mitch for money??? WHHAAAATTTT?

      • Joe Beese

        WHOA IF TRUE

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        to me it sounds like they’re pimping flake out, but i have a dirty mind.

    • CripesAmighty

      Oh to be a fly on the wall. While Mr Turtle is loathsome in his own right, I hope Mitch said something like, “Look, Donald, you might be able to sell that shit to the hicks who show up at your political tractor pulls, but we know you’re still just a two-bit grifter from Queens who, without your daddy’s money’d be hawking fake Rolexes on a subway platform. And we’re not buying–so bring it.” *click*

      • miss_grundy

        Trump is supporting Kelli Ward instead of Jeff Flake. Today, McTurtle put out an ad against Kelli Ward. It is so much fun watching these asshats fight.

  • La forza del resistino

    Donald lands in AZ and finds Phoenix Rising is not just a local minor league soccer team or a b-movie title from 2006.

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      Feel the burn!

      • jesterpunk

        If your feeling the burn for more then 4 hours please consult your doctor.

        • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

          That’s not what she said.

          • mancityRed6

            yeah, she said once a month or so…

  • Red Bird

    So, I had quite a day at work today. I’m becoming more like my father everyday. Once I am focused on a path forward, I take it. I guess that’s good.

    • Sounds good to me! I find I chafe at the waiting myself. If we make a decision, and plan our route, let us get on with it already.

      • Red Bird

        Exactly. Onward and upward.

        • mancityRed6

          onward…wait, what’s this upward?

          • Toomush_Inferesistance

            As long as no pants are involved…

          • mancityRed6

            this is why I’m not on the balcony

    • Angela Ruzzo

      Funny you should say that, because I get more and more like my father every day. This is scary because he got dementia when he was 78. I am 61 and I am already nervous.

      • :hugs:

      • Red Bird

        Oh, sorry to hear that. My dad got it when he was in his late 80’s. It was hard to see that happen to him. The best we can do is take care of ourselves. I’ve heard if you continue learning new things and interacting with people, you can protect against early dementia.

        • Angela Ruzzo

          They do say that, but it is not a universal truth, because my dad was constantly learning new things and interacting with people. His problem was that my mother died. Quite a few men slip into dementia after their wives of 50+ years die.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        My dad has signs but refuses to be tested. They did do a brain scan a few years ago and another one last month, when he totaled his car and had a concussion. My mom is in denial so I haven’t even gone there.
        I have an appointment with my neurologist tomorrow to get the paperwork I need for SSA. Then I have another on Friday to be assessed by another neurologist for an Alzheimer’s study that I found.
        My dad and previously both grandmothers so yeah, I’m concerned.

        • Angela Ruzzo

          There is so much variety in symptoms that I can understand why people are in denial. The first sign with my father is that he stopped reading books, then he stopped taking his daily shower, then he stopped shaving. When I invited him to go fishing and he wasn’t interested, I knew things had progressed to the point of no return, because fishing had been his life.

          • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

            My dad reads but does not retain what he reads. This is like his mom at around the same age. My mom takes good care of him, but he has a lot of trouble following conversations too. Unless he is keenly interested.
            My daughter made brunch on Sunday before she left for Portland. My dad was asking her a lot of questions about her life there. He generally ignores the granddaughters, so I thought this was great. Then my dad asked her about the KKK in Oregon and all three of us discussed stories out of Oregon, Washington and Idaho, at least until my mom had had enough. And then he was gone again, back to the sunroom to watch baseball (actually to nap).

          • Angela Ruzzo

            One thing I discovered is that the personality and the memories and the normal behavior is all still there in the brain, they just can’t find it. It’s like a hard disc where Sector 0 has become corrupted – all the data is there on the disc, but the File Allocation Table, or index, is missing. One day my dad’s doctor put him on a new drug, and 24 hours later he walked into my living room and was totally himself, totally normal, for about 8 hours, but he had lost the previous 10 years of his life and was full of questions – and then he was gone again and never came back.

          • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

            My mom’s cousin has done really well with Aricept, but my dad can’t even admit that he’s losing his hearing, much less his mind.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I’m really sorry, it’s a tragic disease for the whole family.

  • Via the brilliant Smut Clyde, here’s my favorite Callista image…

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    DOJ drops suit requesting names of people who visited anti-Trump websites.

    • mancityRed6

      just what were they distracting us from?

    • Wolf Tracker

      I figured that would happen. Way over broad and should never have received a warrant.

      Violates protections put in after the Patriot Act was dissolved.

    • La forza del resistino

      Was Wonkette on the anti-Trump list so I can remove the barriers at the front door?

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        Leave the barriers anyway. Keeps the Jehovah’s Witnesses at bay.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        I installed a VPN on my devices. I can tell when the assigned ip is from elsewhere because all the ads change, sometimes even languages.

    • La forza del resistino

      Darn, Notorious RBG has special lace collars reserved to hear cases that violate 3 Bill of rights amendments.

  • Wolf Tracker

    Trump says Obamacare is dead. One stat shows why he’s wrong.

    At some point this year, 80 counties across the country were in danger of not complying with the ACA, or Obamacare, in 2018. Today just Paulding County in Ohio remains without any participating insurers in the exchange, leaving 334 people without a public option — for now.

    “This is showing that the ACA is stubbornly failing to fail,” the Kaiser Family Foundation’s Cynthia Cox told Yahoo Finance. Cox said that insurers have struggled in the past to make money, but analysis from Kaiser and many others has found that insurers are on a profitable path this year. “Despite the political uncertainty, insurers seem to be interested in participating in this market,” she said.

    https://www.yahoo.com/news/one-u-s-county-wont-obamacare-2018-195305805.html

  • La forza del resistino

    So Donald peers into the sun yesterday. With luck, can he claim a deferment to govt service based upon eye damage and bone spurs?

  • Wuulf

    That’s a great picture of Snewt cuddling with his lovely wife.

  • WomanInThePersistence

    Hey Phoenix people, everybody okay?

  • bookish

    https://www.propublica.org/article/is-anybody-home-at-hud-secretary-ben-carson

    As I watched the hearings, it occurred to me that Carson was the perfect HUD secretary for Donald Trump, the real-estate-developer president who appears to care little for public housing. He offered a gently smiling refutation to accusations from any corner that the department’s evisceration would have grave consequences. After all, Ben Carson had made it from Detroit to Johns Hopkins without housing assistance, a point of pride in his family. Not to mention that Carson’s very identity — theoretically — helped inoculate the administration against charges of prejudice. (Just last week, Carson said, in the wake of racially tinged violence in Charlottesville, that the controversy over Trump’s support of white supremacists there was “blown out of proportion” and echoed the president’s “both sides” language when referring to “hatred and bigotry.”)

    Even better, Carson could be trusted not to resist Mick Mulvaney’s budget designs. At one moment in the Senate hearing, Carson noted that Congress’s recent spending package for the current year had given the department more than it had been expecting. “I’m always happy to take money,” he said, smiling. Sen. Jack Reed of Rhode Island, the committee’s top Democrat, was unamused. “You have to ask for it first,” he said.

    • Sophia

      Read this earlier today. Interesting article because not a lot has been said about HUD in the news. This is the type of thing donnie is diverting us from.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        Oh, there is a lot that is going on at the rules level in the bureaucracy. What they don’t understand is that people who pay taxes also expect services. So they think that they are just screwing the poor, but they are screwing all of us, And it won’t take voters long to figure it out.

  • mancityRed6
    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      That makes my 16 yr old self kinda tingly.

      • mancityRed6

        I’m 43 and…I’ll see myself out.

        • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

          Yeah, you have no idea how hot she is/was.

          • mancityRed6

            hey, I grew up with a Sears catalog just like every other guy of a certain age here.

          • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

            Hey, my mom is still considered hot among the discerning older men. The ones that aren’t trying to date me. Yes, I have stories.

    • Doug Langley
      • Beanz&Berryz

        Dadz aren’t necessarily dead….

        • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

          Neither are Momz.

    • Jeff Ackerman

      Rowrr!

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      “Off to my audition for Soul Train. Fingers crossed!”

      • mancityRed6

        don’t wait up!

    • Permit-holder Ron

      This is what happens when you try to do ‘mod’ by shopping only at the thrift store.

      • mancityRed6

        it was a lot easier when flannel was in.
        an ex found a suede jacket for $5, it just took $50 to clean it.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        This is where the thrift store stuff comes from. Only now it’s called Vintage. I can’t wait to see what my mom leaves behind. I already got the Russian lamb fur jacket. It’s almost as old as I am.

        • Permit-holder Ron

          So more like sheep fur now.

          • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

            That’s wool, fool.

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      That was my mom. Hell, that’s still my mom (age 78). She lurves her sequins and animal prints. The latest, the cold shoulder.

  • mancityRed6
    • MynameisBlarney

      Except for the fact that some of the best music and bands came from the 70’s, I agree.

      • 1760’s LIBULZ!!!!!

      • mancityRed6

        some of it, yes.
        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NNSSpXapks0
        Robert Plant isn’t a big fan of his own stuff from that era, but I do like the Black Sabbath.

        • MynameisBlarney

          Black Sabbath ruled the 70’s as far as I’m concerned.
          At least until the late 70’s, when the Punk bands got going.

        • Toomush_Inferesistance

          Saw Black Sabboth in Minneapolis in 1970 with Curtiss A, my old roommate…

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        an incredible era in American filmmaking too…

        The Godfather, Dog Day Afternoon, Marathon Man, on and on and on.

        • MynameisBlarney

          Star Wars.

        • Doug Langley

          Annie Hall, All the President’s Men, Superman, Network.

          • MynameisBlarney

            Day of the Jackal, 3 Days of the Condor…

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            yes, excellent list.

          • MynameisBlarney

            Mad Max, Apocalypse Now…

          • Permit-holder Ron

            Alien. Star Wars. Logan’s Run…. I think my list is careening in an unintended direction.

        • Grokenstein

          Exorcist II: The Heretic, The Swarm, Grizzly, the Airport sequels…
          …What? I like ’em terrible.

        • Serai 1

          Butch Cassidy, The Sting, Airplane!

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Also, extremely gay. Do those blouses come in men’s sizes?

      • Wolf Tracker

        Hey silk shirts were the bomb baby.

        You were not cool if you did not have high heel boots and a silk shirt.

        • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

          But they weren’t real silk. Some blend of acetate, polyester and/or nylon.
          Silky. Silk-like.
          Also too – platforms.

      • mancityRed6

        awww, ISWYDT

      • georgiaburning

        Guys were smaller then. Large cokes at McDonalds were only 16 ozs, this was before obesity became a fashion and dietary fad.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          I remember. I was so thin I was practically a stick figure…up until about ten years ago.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        Prince playing basketball Libelz!1!11111
        Charlie Murphy’s (RIP) True Hollywood Stories from The Chappelle Show were the greatest.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          That Prince story, plus ALL of the Rick James stories were hilarious.

    • Permit-holder Ron

      I think I saw a movie with these guys in it.

      • mancityRed6

        I know I have.

  • mancityRed6

    oh, god, the upper right…why?
    http://www.plaidstallions.com/images/wigs.jpg

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      Village People libel.

    • h4rr4r

      So toupees and beards, did they also do merkins?

      • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

        Mostly, down south.

        • Permit-holder Ron

          Ba dum tish!

      • mancityRed6

        don’t ever search for that

    • Anna Rompage

      Donad Trump himmler cut?

    • Raan

      Bottom right, love child of Abe Lincoln and Satan.

    • Serai 1

      OMG, someone drew with a marker on four pics of the same face.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Bumper sticker seen today:
    “My cat is smarter than your president.”

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      My cat’s hairball is smarter than your president.

      • OrG

        My cat’s litter box is smarter than your president.

        • CripesAmighty

          My cat’s…oh, fuck it.

    • Rick Hill

      My bumper sticker is smarter than…aw, hell this is depressing

    • bluicebank

      “My cat doesn’t stare straight into the sun.”

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        My doge for sure didn’t.

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      Hell, my CAR is smarter than that president.

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    Red beans and rice with andouille at Toomush household! Hurry!….

    • TundraGrifter

      Do you cook ’em all day? We used to have a HoneyBaked ham for Christmas and then use the bone and little pieces left over for New Year’s red beans and rice. With a few black-eyed peas for luck.

      • Rick Hill

        “Do you cook ’em all day?”

        I can’t find that microwave setting.How do you find it?

        • Anna Rompage

          Look for the crock pot button…

        • Doug Langley

          Just set the microwave on the highest setting, then leave for 10 or 12 hours. That usually does it.

          • Rick Hill

            Funny rick Hill story: Way back in the way, when, I asked my new GF if I could use a microwave to cook a potato(Yes, even then I was a culinary chenius) She said try it at five minutes. I guess I didn’t interpret the read out correctly. Put it in and was talking, bzz bzzz bzz. All of a sudden GF’s sister yells “Fire”. Poor little potato was charred and burning. I learned the difference between setting it for five minutes and five hours

          • CripesAmighty
          • Permit-holder Ron

            Gives ’em that wonderful hint of free neutrons.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Well, several hours, anyway…those damn beans take forever. The rest of the stuff you just have to sear and put in next to the end. Squeeze the lime last….

        • CripesAmighty

          Here’s a trick for the beans: Do em in a pressure cooker. Cuts the time dramatically.

          • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

            Another trick – soak them overnight before cooking. Mom, a notoriously bad cook did not know this. New Year’s Day that year, I had explosive farts and of course the kids gave me a hard time.

          • CripesAmighty

            Yes. That is a most excellent trick.

        • TundraGrifter

          I soak the red beans overnight. First thing in the morning, drain the water, refill the pot, put in the onion and celery and ground black pepper, and start cooking. They will be ready by dinner time.

    • Anna Rompage

      Oh my, me me me me!

    • MynameisBlarney

      I’m on my way!

    • CripesAmighty

      Mmmmm. Paul Prudhomme’s recipe?

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Toomush’s own (whatever I got)….

        • CripesAmighty

          Go on…

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      Soy glazed chicken wings and warm bok choy, thanks to Blue Apron. I have decided to make lunch my big meal. Just had fruit for dinner.

    • Permit-holder Ron

      Salmon loaf. It’s nothing fancy, but I took the housemate’s recipe and made it EVER so much better. I like it on cheesy buns. Fish and cheese. Who knew?

  • Ryan Denniston

    Move in day at the college day. For the first time it hits me, I’m half way between the kids and the parents. Man the time flies doesn’t it?

    • :hugs:
      I am curious; was it harder than first day of kindergarten/preschool?
      Because that was mighty rough and I am hoping it is better when they are grown

      • TundraGrifter

        Many years ago a good friend told me “It doesn’t get easier – it just gets different.”

      • TootsStansbury

        It doesn’t matter how grown they get, they’re still your babby.

        • Raan

          How are they formed, though? How girl get pragnent?

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        Harder because you have to take all their crap and most dorms, even new ones, don’t have elevators. Kindergarten? You knew you’d see them again at noon or three. College? You won’t see them again until Thanksgiving, even if they are in state.

      • Ryan Denniston

        First day of kindergarten still the second scariest event I’ve ever had, after the 80 story dorm I visited in New York City, because I am afraid of heights.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      And then you’re hosting a wedding.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        Still waiting for that one. And still too, no granbabbies. But they are 26 & 28 and I want them to get it right. No hurries. I still have young nieces and nephews to spoil.

        • Beanz&Berryz

          22, 24, 26, 29. All girlies. Oldest just hitched, and a couple of others gots boys. No rush.

    • TundraGrifter

      Wait until the final Spring move-out day when your kid is a graduating senior. THEN you’ll know how fast the time flies!

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        Move-out any year is a bitch. We’d just rent a storage unit and leave the stuff there. Until she stopped attending after sophomore year, and then she moved in a house with friends.
        Good news, she applied for a Pell Grant and was approved and goes back to finish in the Fall.

        • Permit-holder Ron

          Good for her!

          • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

            I am excited for her. She couldn’t decide on a major. She wants to do women studies, but minor in business so she can take on more of the bookkeeping, etc at her culinary jobs for more pay.

          • Permit-holder Ron

            Good thinking. And after all, she can declare a different major later if she wishes. My youngest changed her mind about 17 times.

        • TundraGrifter

          I flew to school my first couple of years so I really didn’t have much in the dorm room. I was amused when Dads would come to move out kids who’d pretty much brought back a station wagon load every time they returned from a visit home and they just couldn’t understand why everything wouldn’t fit for one trip back.

    • Anna Rompage

      Wait until you hit the age where you thought others were old when you were a young one…

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        Or when your kid says “Hey Mom. you’re the same age nana was when I was born. Happy Birthday!”.

      • Incoming Ham

        I’ve done that three times.

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      it gets weird when the 21 year old daughter is too young for you and her 45 year old mom is too old for you.

      ; P

      • Neither of those things is a thing that is true

        • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

          lol. okay 19 year old daughter.

      • h4rr4r

        I am 35 and was I not married both would sound fine to me.

        What magic age would that be exactly?

      • Ryan Denniston

        Way past that. I could totally go for the 45 year old mom!

    • Permit-holder Ron

      You’ll know you’ve achieved ‘old’ when you realise you’re measuring time from significant events in decades instead of years.

  • mancityRed6

    come on John, you know I only got with you to get closer to Darryl.
    http://www.plaidstallions.com/images/obsessed2.jpg

    • Wolf Tracker

      Theme from Magnum PI playing in the background.

    • tehbaddr

      Who oh oh oh oh! She’s Painkiller! Watch out Boy she’ll Chew You Up!!!1!1!!!111

  • MynameisBlarney