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Good Monday morning, Wonketariat! Are you ready for the eclipse later? Remember, don’t look directly at the sun or you’ll start to grow hair on your palms and go blind. Anyway, here’s some of the things we may be talking about while waiting for the sun to disappear!

Trump and his family have left the Secret Service completely broke, and now they have to beg Congress for more money.

Trump is scheduled to unveil his Afghanistan strategy tonight in a primetime address that will be ignored by his base because it cuts into Monday night wrestling.

CNN will host a town hall with Paul Ryan tonight shortly after Trump’s speech where he’ll undoubtedly talk about his life long dream of grifting all the poor people.

NGOs and Congress are worried that Trump won’t spend badly needed money allocated to federal agencies and programs due to his track record of doing as little as humanly possible

A 15-person Advisory Committee for the Sustained National Climate Assessment was disbanded now that climate change is no longer a problem. Suck it, ya’ godless hippies!

Trump’s LOW RATINGS continue to get worse as a new NBC News/Marist poll shows Trump’s approval rating in Wisconsin, Pennsylvania, and Michigan is now below 40 percent.

Trump’s is trying to kick his 2020 campaign into gear, assuming that the wheels won’t fall off the wagon before it even gets moving.

Protests are expected in Phoenix where Trump is slated to hold a rally tomorrow with former Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio, and maybe pardon him. Pssst! Joe! Accepting a pardon means admitting guilt!

The USS John McCain (the boat, not the man) was struck by a merchant ship, leaving 10 sailors missing. For his part as POTUS, Trump said it’s, “too bad,” before someone swiped his phone and tweeted a statement that didn’t sound like he was insulting the military. Again.

The Kennedy Center Honors will be Trump-free this year after after several honorees declined to visit the White House in protest.

Coincidentally, the entire membership of the President’s Committee on Arts and Humanities resigned in a sternly worded rebuke that, artfully enough, spells out “RESIST” if you take the first letter of each paragraph.

A leaked 8-page memo detailing the responsibilities of Indiana Republican Rep. Todd Rokita’s driver is the funniest and saddest thing you’ll read all day. “The best way to make a good first impression is to look like we know what we are doing,” This memo may undermine that impression.

Who is Rinat Akhmetshin, besides a Republican lobbyist and former Soviet soldier who’s spent decades screwing with US affairs for pro-Kremlin outcomes, and why is Robert Mueller poking around his past?

Kentucky Gov. Matt Bevin is blaming a lack of Jesus for the “sanitization of history” and the rise of neo-Nazi mayhem.

The US will stop issuing non-immigrant visas in Moscow for about a week, and restrict access to visas elsewhere in Russia as a symbolic single-finger salute for neutering US embassy and consulate staff.

Those weird sonic attacks in Cuba affected more than 10 diplomats and their families. No es bueno! What? I SAID, “NO ES BUENO!”

The US and South Korea have begun a series of military drills while White House aides openly talk about “preventative war” in North Korea. Oh, Daisy.

Elon Musk is warning about the dangers of the robopocalyspe and joining 116 super nerds in calling for a ban on killer robots. We have 20 seconds to comply.

Breitbart is targeting the “globalists” in Trump’s White House, like Gary Cohn and Princess Ivanka, and is preparing to go to WAR! on Fox and traditional Republicans by jumping in bed with Sinclair Broadcasting.

President Bannon wants to start a teevee network to raise a new generation of hybrid mutants, telling one outlet, “I feel jacked up…Now I’m free. I’ve got my hands back on my weapons…” Yes, he really said that.

A charming white supremacist was interviewed by a Univision reporter. He lovingly threatened “burn” her before calling her some lovely names. Bless his shriveled heart.

Brian Stelter opened his show questioning the mental health of Trump  in a fair and unbiased attempt to address questions of Trump’s fitness to serve as commander in chief.

Jesse Watters is just beside himself about all the Democrats trying to remove those monuments to human slavery.

Newt Gingrich is learning how to sit down, shut up, and look pretty in the State Department’s “Wives Seminar” while his wife gets ready to be the ambassador to the Vatican.

Wingnut Twitter ranter Mike Cernovich thinks Charlottesville was an inside job, and “If you are a 22-year-old kid and you don’t have a trust fund, you’re screwed man.”

Dick Gregory and Jerry Lewis passed away this weekend and we haz profound sads. :(

And here’s your late night wrap-up! Stephen Colbert talked about the temporary death of the sun later todayJimmy Kimmel unnecessarily censored some people; Bill Maher critiqued censorship “on many sides”; and John Oliver is rightfully scared shitless about nuclear waste.

And here’s your morning Nice Time! Kitty adventures!

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    • La forza del resistino

      The Cubbies effect to allow Chicagoans too look upwards again should never be discounted.

  • OddMan
  • Oblios_Cap

    Trump should pull a King Canute and try to order the moon not to eclipse the sun. Unlike Canute, he probably thinks he’s that powerful.

  • MynameisBlarney
  • ManchuCandidate

    If he isn’t in jail for loving Roosha and Pootin too much or for whatever financial irregularities he done then he can always get a job to write sympathy cards for Hallmark.

    Lose your kid? “Better him/her than you.”
    Dead pet? “Just buy a new one.”
    Broken heart? “You shoulda grabbed her by the pussy.”
    Going to jail? “See you there!”

  • La forza del resistino

    The solar eclipse should wrap up ~ 2:30 DC time. By 2:35, Donald will take credit by tweeting he made sun shine great again.

    • ManchuCandidate

      Till he then will be tweeting g that the sky snake was eating the Sun and everyone should repeat* their sins.

      *Repent? The Donald believes he has nothing to repent about.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Hopefully, he’ll ignore all advice and stare right at that shit.

  • IdiotsforPalin

    Hey Dump at about 1,00 to 1.30 est, take a stroll outside the WH, take in the fresh air and marvel at how beautiful the sun is. Gaze at it for 10 -15 minuets, you won’t need sunglasses…….

  • Bright Bart
    • wide_stance_hubby

      Gosh, wouldn’t it be awful if that was hacked onto a jumbotron screen somewhere. . .

  • therblig
  • BadKitty904

    Hey, today’s the Great Conjunction!

    “When darkened is the shining sun,
    What was sundered and undone
    Shall be whole, the two made one,
    By liberal’s hand, or else by none.”

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Each junket to Mar A Lago costs $3 million. But by all means, let’s eviscerate our diplomatic corps and sell the Grand Canyon to pay for it.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • TheGrandWazoo2

      Mountain humor can be a slippery slope.

      • therblig

        if you’re so inclined

        • laughingnome

          My friend Cliff says it’s edgy.

          • MynameisBlarney

            *hangs head in shame*

            What have I done?

          • Ill-Advised

            Peaked early?

        • Permit-holder Ron

          I’ve been known to scree with laughter at mountain jokes.

          • Marion in Savannah

            That pun was gneiss.

          • MrTusks

            These puns are being a real pain in the butte.

      • Querolous

        I’ll take a pass on making a pun in this thread.

      • Ill-Advised

        That’s pretty rarified.

      • Yeah it’s all downhill from there.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    “As cadet CAPTAIN at school, I learned all about military. Army and Navy generals are AMAZED at how smart I am.” #DeletedTrumpTweets

  • Oblios_Cap

    Bevin linked the removal of religious education in public schools to the efforts to take down Confederate monuments, saying that taking the Bible out of schools is also a “dangerous” attempt to “scrub history” because “when you go back a couple of hundred years, in most instances the only textbooks that were in our public schools were the Bible .”

    I don’t believe that the bible was the only textbook used in public schools at the birth of our nation. Bevin’s A Idiot.

    • grindstone

      I believe his actual quote used the phrase “whitewashing history”. There’s tone deaf and then there’s just venality.

    • therblig
      • Oblios_Cap

        There is no god!

        • Ill-Advised

          And Trump is his profit?

    • rosenbomb

      Why is it so hard for these doofuses to understand that not all Americans are Christian? Christ on a cracker.

      • Left Coast Tom

        Why is it so hard for them to understand that some of the “Founding Fathers” were Deists, and not particularly Christians?

        • rosenbomb

          “It says ‘God’ in the Declaration, and on our money, and in the Pledge of Allegiance! Checkmate, atheists!”
          -Republicans

          • Oblios_Cap

            The money thing came much later.

          • rosenbomb

            I know that, but history and facts don’t matter to the Christianists

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        It’s not that ‘governor” bevin doesn’t understand that. It’s that he doesn’t think it should be allowed.

      • YoBunnyBunny

        And not all American Christians need public schools to quarterback their children’s religious studies. Unless I’m mistaken, most of the bible learning when I was growing up took place in Sunday School, not school school.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    9pm — he’s preempting Rachel. HE’S A MONSTER!

  • BadKitty904
    • Mr. Blobfish

      Didn’t the dunce in chief say he was gonna get us a better deal on AF1?

      • BadKitty904

        “Said”.

  • mancityRed6

    OT, storm over Olathe, right now.
    lightning and thunder are instantaneous.
    and fucking loud.

    • mancityRed6
      • MynameisBlarney

        I’ve noticed that the local radar here in the keys ain’t exactly real time.

        • BadKitty904

          “Real time” is a relative term here in Florida…

          • mancityRed6

            and it’s gone.
            but this is just a preamble to the flash flood warning that starts tonight.

          • BadKitty904

            Well, at least you’re not bored.

          • mancityRed6

            they’re supposed to have an eclipse watch party at work
            I’m so glad I’m at home.

          • BadKitty904

            But…but…but the free danish!

          • mancityRed6

            nothing is free. there are always conditions.

      • Oblios_Cap

        Lee’s Summit? That sounds Confederate-ish!

        • mancityRed6

          better than Shawnee Mission, you can guess what they did to the American Indians there.

    • BadKitty904

      Hunker down!

      • mancityRed6

        oh, hell no. I’m outside, loving the sound.

  • Me not sure

    This morning’s AJC featured a front page article about the company in Marietta, GA that built over 100 of the Confederate monuments in the US, including the one in Durham County, NC that got pulled down last week. The current owner is quoted as having said, “These little snowflakes think that they can get away with whatever they want and they’re going to protest, and destroy and tear this country apart.
    All this from a guy whose company built monuments to those who actually did tear this country apart leading to a huge number of dead and wounded and the destruction of much of the infrastructure of the south itself. I still don’t get why the south wasn’t raving mad at the leaders that took them down that path.

    By the way, they didn’t “get away with it”. They turned themselves in in greater numbers than law enforcement wanted to deal with

    • BadKitty904

      I.e., “Sore loser”…

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      I wish I’d gotten in on that Confederate monument building racket when it was still a growth industry.

      • Me not sure

        Some companies traveled the south in the early 20th century selling slightly modified leftover statues of Spanish American war soldiers as Confederate monuments. $$$

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          “Put a white hood on it and they’ll never know the difference!”

    • Dutchman

      I only very rarely read AJC anymore. Since they paywalled Bookman and Wingnutfield made it quite clear that he hates me. I enjoyed sparring with Wooten but he got tired and went home.

      • Me not sure

        I’m down to a brief scan and the late week sudoku.

    • bupkus231

      Face it – by “get away with it”, the man means they weren’t murdered by racists like him…

    • Marion in Savannah

      I haven’t read the Atlanta Journal Constipation in years. Trying to keep as many brane cells functioning as possible, and the Savannah Daily Disappointment is bad enough.

    • eastcoastlib

      Not hanging civil war traitors was a huge mistake. There would be a lot less statues if the subjects plaque read “hanged for treason”

      • Me not sure

        Lee was indicted, but Grant threatened to quit and cause a stink if Lee was prosecuted. Davis spent some time in a cell in Fortress Monroe in Virginia, but was eventually released after it was decided that he should be spared and sent home.

  • A Groucho Marxist

    I would very much like for Mike Cernovich to kindly shut the fuck up now, please.

    • MynameisBlarney

      He’s talkin’ about Magic Spoo again, ain’t the?

  • BadKitty904
    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      This does not matter to the trumpanzees. They think he’s great because if they could do the same shit, they would. The rest of us are left to fume, as always, in impotent rage.

      • BadKitty904

        “Rest of us” = the Blue State workers whose tax-dollars he’s stealing.

      • grindstone

        It’s our rage they love. They’d burn their own damn houses down if it hindered a black or brown person for two minutes or caused a libtard a moment of pique.

      • YoBunnyBunny

        Which is so strange, right? Especially given they were so eager to trot out the line “Trump’s a billionaire and he’ll pay for his own things1!!!1! Unlike that shiftless Negro who make us good tax-payers pay for his vacations!!!1!!

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Fortunately, the President’s Advisory Committee for Siphoning and Grift is still going strong.

    • BadKitty904

      As is the Republican Congress’…

      • bupkus231

        One has to wonder whether either of them need “advise” in how to grift. They’re pretty much experts, aren’t they?

        • BadKitty904

          That’s how you become a Republican politician.

      • ManchuCandidate

        I thought that was what the Committee for Siphoning and Grift was known as.

    • ariel_gee_398

      Well, it’s hard to resign from your family.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Unless your name is Tiffany.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Brian Stelter opened his show questioning the mental health of Trump in a fair and unbiased attempt to address questions of Trump’s fitness to serve as commander in chief.

    Yes. Yes, it is. Especially after listening to Rudi Giuliani and Little Babby Donnie talk about how Hillary Clinton is CRIMINALLY INSANE and DEAD. Plus Tweety pontificating about HER VOICE, HER HORRIBLE VOICE.

  • BadKitty904
    • BadKitty904

      I love that movie. It’s so weird.

      • IKR?

        @_@

      • Red Bird

        My least favorite part was at the end. This was a Mel Gibson movie by the way.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Sane republicans aren’t leaving the trump administration so they can stop the petulant child worser impulses.

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    I. HAVE. THE. FUCKING JOB! From October on I am going to work at one of the biggest investment and insurance banks of the Netherlands and what is even better is that they are going to pay for my study to be become an equity specialist! Payment therefore will be low the first one or two years (approx 30+K per annum) but as soon as I finish the study big doors will open! Oh man I am litterally crying right now of joy and the stress burden that is taken off my shoulders that in two months my unemployment social security was going to end meaning I would go on welfare and that would not have been enough to pay my bills.

    The thought that in a few years I will take Christian into that big office that has controls 700 BILLION euro’s in investments and saying: This is where your daddy works” already makes me proud.

    Thanks to each and every one of you that supported me over the months when jobs didn’t go through. To quote Vinnie Jones: “It’s been emotional.”

    Now we drink and dance.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ASHuDAdxihc

  • OneYieldRegular

    “I feel jacked up…Now I’m free. I’ve got my hands back on my weapons…”

    I don’t know If I’d call PlayStation buttons “weapons.”

  • Les Appentis De la résistance

    Luckily Netflix will not be preempted with presidential address bullshit.

  • BadKitty904
  • Nockular cavity

    I hope the people in Cuba had gotten the proper warnings for sonic attack:
    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=go0JMX3zNeA

  • PubOption

    It seems that anyone or anything named John McCain, is prone to crashes.

    • The Wanderer

      I’ve been trying to avoid saying that, insisting to myself that I’m a good person.

    • Dutchman

      Dog is going to send me to hell for laughing so hard.

    • Me not sure

      Best of luck to those sailors on board.

    • Dutchman

      Also too, “That’s too bad”.

      • Mr. Blobfish

        Thought, prayers, and so on.

  • lucidamente

    Will this Afghanistan address be delivered in front of cheering troops? Because that would really suck.

  • beatbort

    Maybe he’ll disband the Secret Service now. After all, he recruited his own private army last weekend in Charlottesville. They’ll work for free.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Mr. Blobfish

      House wolf. Gonna name my next dog that.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Thanks! Love these!

  • Les Appentis De la résistance

    Why don’t they get some militia volunteers to provide Trump family security. I’m sure those salt of the earth types wouldn’t mind donating their time to accompany the wealthy elites as they jet set about.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Plus, they already have the trailer set up in front of Trump Tower. A few discarded washing machines and a truck or two up on cinder blocks, they’d feel right at home.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    I, for one, welcome our new killer robot overlords.

  • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

    I too am against killer robots, as long as they continue their work on sex slave robots.

    • From Russia With A Permit

      Is that research coming along?

      • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

        I’m pretty sure it’s at the top of Elon Musk’s list.

  • VirginiaWackelpudding

    We are scheduled to have 86% of our sun devoured today at around 2 in the afternoon. The sky dragon will begin eating it around 1ish. Only a slight haze in the atmosphere, no heavy clouds. Wish me luck. I am going to wake the teen to experience this marvel of the natural world. I hope I survive.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      SHARKNADO LIBEL!

    • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

      Grab your gun and join us patriots as we shoot that sun devouring moon out of the sky!

      • VirginiaWackelpudding

        Moon? The sun gets eaten by a big sky lizard!! Then it gets sick an regurgitates it, and life goes on. Teen is awake, but CLOUDS are coming in. The dragon does not want witnesses!

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    Don’t forget that the Sec Svc overspend is largely lining Trump pockets: https://twitter.com/markknoller/status/899619232572465152

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    Music for today’s Big Event! There’s post-apocalyptic kitchen remodeling for those who are into that sort of thing, and this is the greatest cover of Pink Floyd’s “Eclipse” EVAR!!!!!!!!

    https://youtu.be/ysUjYAi0WcQ

  • Relativicus

    Trump’s base will ignore the address tonight because they don’t care what he does, and because whatever he does is the thing he’s supposed to do. And if it isn’t, it’s someone else’s fault anyway.

    And Trump’s low ratings matter less and less the closer we get to whomever the next gun-grabbing, gay-fellating, crossdressing, criminal-loving Democratic candidate is. And 2020 will be a 1-3 point spread by Election Day.

    • Oblios_Cap

      I’m not in his base and I will ignore it, too.

    • From Russia With A Permit

      Yeah, Dems will be 3 ahead in the polls and still lose. Somehow.

  • BadKitty904
    • Saxo the Grammarian

      Government overreach!

  • Msgr_MΩment

    USS John McCain. Missing seamen. LIndsay Graham is on the case!

  • Bill D. Burger
    • From Russia With A Permit

      Nose as well.

  • Bill D. Burger

    99.999% of “scientists” say DON’T STARE AT THE ECLIPSE with your eyes unprotected!

    Hey climate and science deniers, Trump supporters and Rightie WooWoos are you going to let those fucking coastal elites tell you what to do? It’s just God winking at you.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Yes, but we must never look God directly, else be blinded by His omnipotence. Check mate, libtard!

    • From Russia With A Permit

      While you are at it, deflate your car tires a little so you get worse gas mileage. That’s givin it to the Man!

    • Les Appentis De la résistance

      Teach the controversy!

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    What time should I begin the goat sacrifice and the beating of drums to drive away the evils spirits today?

    • MynameisBlarney

      If you haven’t already started…

    • therblig

      just to be clear, the goat doesn’t have to be a virgin, right?

      asking for a friend.

      • janecita

        No, but the human sacrifice does.

        • therblig

          so, an alt-right guy. should be easy to find.

    • janecita

      You peasant! You were supposed to start at midnight!!

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Dear God! Does this mean the eclipse will take place as scheduled and the sun will be devoured? Sorry, rest of the world!

        • janecita

          Run for cover!

        • From Russia With A Permit

          Wait until you hear the moon belch…

    • The Wanderer

      Sacrifice the goat, but put it to good use:

      Jamaican Curried Goat
      2 pounds goat stew meat, cut into 1-inch cubes
      2 fresh hot chile peppers, seeded and chopped
      2 tablespoons curry powder
      2 cloves garlic, minced
      1 teaspoon salt
      1 teaspoon ground black pepper
      3 tablespoons vegetable oil
      1 onion, chopped
      1 rib celery, chopped
      2 1/2 cups vegetable broth
      1 bay leaf
      3 potatoes, peeled and cut into 1-inch chunks, or more as desired

      Combine goat meat, chile pepper, curry powder, garlic, salt, and black pepper in a bowl. Cover and refrigerate to allow flavors to blend, 1 hour to overnight.

      Remove goat meat mixture from bowl and pat dry, reserving marinade. Heat vegetable oil in a stockpot over medium-high heat. Cook meat in batches, browning on all sides, 5 to 6 minutes per batch. Transfer meat to a plate. Add onion and celery to the stockpot; cook and stir until onion begins to brown, 4 to 6 minutes.

      Stir browned goat meat into onion mixture. Add reserved marinade, vegetable broth, and bay leaf. Bring to a boil, cover, reduce heat to low, and simmer for 1 hour. Stir in potatoes; simmer until potatoes and meat are tender, 35 to 45 minutes more.

      Remove stockpot from heat, skim off surface fat, and remove bay leaf.

      • BadKitty904

        I had a curried-goat empanada for lunch on Saturday, in fact.

        • The Wanderer

          Sounds tres tasty! I just yanked this out of allrecipes.com.

          • BadKitty904

            It was! With fresh watermelon juice to drink.

      • Mr. Blobfish

        Irie!

      • janecita

        I love goat stew!

      • Bobathonic

        Local food truck (Wi Jammin’) has some yummy curried goat*. For the uninitiated, goats are bony.

        *Good ox tail, too.

    • Marion in Savannah

      Sacrificing goats? Mickey Kaus will be upset.

    • From Russia With A Permit

      Post a note here when the cabrito is ready.

  • Kiri the Unicorn
    • The Wanderer

      Ishtar’s knickers, I love that movie.

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        The John Carpenter remake is also badass.

        • The Wanderer

          It’s closer to the actual short story Who Goes There?, but I liked the pacing, and the fact that James Arness plays the giant carrot.

      • BadKitty904

        It’s remarkably well-written!

        • The Wanderer

          Hell to the yesth.

      • BosGrl

        I’ve made a mental note to use that expression at least once today.

        • The Wanderer

          (bows)

  • Mr. Blobfish

    A network more fiendish than Fox? Will they have idiots on a couch?

    • Permit-holder Ron

      To woo away Fox viewers they might have to go with topless bimbos.

  • The Wanderer

    If Trump’s going with farming out Afghanistan to mercenary troops, I hope someone recalls that mercs are faithless and in it only for loot.
    And they’re prone to switching sides if someone makes them a better offer.

    • From Russia With A Permit

      Then there is that tricky element of just who they will and will not take orders from.

  • Bill D. Burger

    “Eclipses are caused by the moon blocking out the sun. No one knew that.” _____Trump, probably, today.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Will the tides go in or out? Who knows?

      • Bill D. Burger

        “You can’t explain that.” __ Bill O’Really

    • From Russia With A Permit

      “We need a bipartisan bill to stop this kind of fake sunshine.”

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    Most of these stories are not very conducive to FUCK or NAZI headlines.

  • MynameisBlarney

    Here’s this, because I haven’t posted it a while.

    http://i.imgur.com/R6IPMSm.gif

    • Kiri the Unicorn
      • Permit-holder Ron

        I never, ever get tired of seeing Semi-auto Twilight.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      The entire penis community stands in outrage at this graphic attack on its members.

      • Bill D. Burger

        It drives me nuts__ I’ve taken a hardened stand against it. I’m sure it’s a phallus-y.

        • The Wanderer

          Someone will get the shaft for this!

          • Bill D. Burger

            It isn’t for everyone, but it’s in my jeans.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        On that note I think I will head back up to the rest of the comments.

  • BadKitty904
    • Ill-Advised

      IDK. Seems like the Republican party is the wholly powned subsidiary. Trump is wholly owned by Putin…

      • BadKitty904

        The GOP has always been owned by its corporate masters. Trump was built by the Republican Party and is co-owned by the GOP and Russia.

  • Kiri the Unicorn
  • Ωbjectifier
  • shivaskeeper

    Regarding Cernovich’s complaint that the rally in CVille was a Government Setup, because of course it was. I know he;’s trying to distance himself from the Nazis and the “alt-right”, but how dumb does he think they, or his followers are?

    I mean, seriously, the Feds set the whole thing up to get pictures of white supremacists and skew the Google searches to ensure they cannot get jobs and more importantly, can’t get laid. He’s getting ready to head down the A Jones path and see CT’s in everything, in addition to being a misogynist white supremacist (who doesn’t want to be called a white supremacist). That should work out well for him.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      How dumb does he think his followers are? All the dumb, plus 15%.

      • shivaskeeper

        In theory that was rhetorical. :)

    • YoBunnyBunny

      How dumb does he think his followers are? Clearly dumb enough to not know government “false flag” operation when they see one. Hence, why thery were stupid enough to even go to the CVille rally.

      That’s an idea, though: All alt-right rallies are setups, so don’t go to any more alt-right rallies, alt-righters!!!1!! Just stay in your moms’ basements!!!! That’ll show the government jack boots what’s what!!!!!1!1!

  • Viva La Tabula Raza

    We all know about solar eclipses, when the moon comes between the earth and the sun, and lunar eclipses, when the earth comes between the sun and the moon. These are pretty cool. The terrestrial eclipse, when the sun comes between the earth and the moon, however, really sucks.

  • Permit-holder Ron

    Got my Ee-clipse goggles all ready – #12 shade, white paint, exactly the right Mad Scientist look. Now if I could just remember where my lab coat went…

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      That sounds like someone who’s planning to expose himself in a public park.

      • Permit-holder Ron

        Well, I wasn’t planning on wearing pants, if that’s what you mean.

        • From Russia With A Permit

          The puttin’ them on, the taken’ ’em off. It does all get rather tedious.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Who’s got the time?

    • rocktonsam

      I went to the local welding supply store Friday. They had sold out of the correct #14 glasses had 80 pair. Then sold anything the customers wanted even if they were unsafe. Store owner said he was selling welding supplies not eclipse looking supplies. Hospitals get ready for merikkas dumbest.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        People were still coming in yesterday for eclipse glasses as if they just found out the eclipse was happening. I guess they thought it could be rescheduled if everyone was having trouble finding eye protection. Le sigh.

        • rocktonsam

          People around here Madison, bought dozens of glasses months ago. 1.99 each. Selling them for 10 bucks this past weekend because capitalism is good even in Madison

      • Permit-holder Ron

        ‘I’ll be okay, I’ll just squint a whole lot.’

  • Bill D. Burger

    From__Georges Melies silent film: ‘The Eclipse: Courtship of the Sun and Moon’
    1907

    http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m99og3JTdd1qmvy8zo1_r1_500.gif

    http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m99og3JTdd1qmvy8zo2_500.gif

    ManO’Man! They had some fun weird shit back then. Really cool stuff.

  • Rick Hill

    And the shitshow goes on…..

  • Snark Tank Full of Resistance
  • Rick Hill

    You know, maybe by completely fcking up everything, trump is trying to show how essential good government really is to a well functioning society

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Given Dumbass’ inability to graduate to 3-dimensional chess, I kinda doubt the lesson is intentional. But it’s one we should all be observing, nonetheless.

    • BosGrl

      I was thinking the same thing. And the next time we have a Dem president and someone complains about anything they do, we can say OH OK.

    • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

      Also, too, we can put to rest the myth that all we need is “a good businessman!” in the White House (not that Dampnut is a good businessman, but go with it!) once and for all.

      • The Wanderer

        This is the third time that the GOP has gone to the well for a “Businessman President.” The first two were Herbert Hoover and George W Bush, so the data points were not encouraging.

        • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

          Yeah, but at least Hoover (as Sec. of Commerce) and W (as ***shudder*** governor of Texas) had SOME governance experience. Dampnut had (and still has!) none.

      • Jon Sussex

        I’d settle for a good person.

  • TJ Barke

    I guess the massive wildfire to the south of me is just a Chinese hoax.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Stay safe!

    • Zyxomma

      When I was 13, I made the decision never to have children. I had no idea I’d be middle aged (okay, old by many standards) and watching the world burn. The planet will recover, no matter what we do to it, but it still makes me sad.

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist
        • Zyxomma

          Thanks, Natalie. It’s simple, but it says it.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            I could never figure out why they don’t want to clean up their pollution (koch mining etc) Do they not have grandchildren to live here that they care about? Or is it they are too damn old to care as long as they can squeeze out that extra buck?

        • HooverVilles

          Exactly! And species disappeared then too.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            You would think they didn’t live here too, or have grandchildren. What are they thinking, must make 1 more dollar? By the time your wealth gets in the million or above you get magical immunity?

          • HooverVilles

            Enough is never enough.
            Sigh!

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    I call #FakeMews in that video. As a owner guardian unpaid servant to several kitties, I can observe there’s not nearly enough napping in it.

    Unless *my* cats are actually this active and have been playing me the whole time!

    • Marion in Savannah

      No — since I’ve been retired and am home a lot I can testify that cats sleep about 23-1/2 hours a day. The rest of the time is split between eating, washing their butts, and getting into trouble.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        I was thinking along the same lines about my dogs this morning. I let them out of their crates where they have slept all night so that they can run outside and pee, grab a treat, and go to sleep on my couch. Tell me again how they’re descended from wolves? LOL

        • Ghenghis McCann

          They’re the descendants of wolves that learned how to domesticate humans.

  • TJ Barke

    And of course, because I called it, it looks like my eclipse is going to be clouded out.

  • rocktonsam

    In the olden days when the moon hid the sun people freaked the f out then grabbed the leader and put him in tower until it was over. Theyreleased him to taco bell. Pink Floyd made album also.too

  • PubOption

    Obscure song with eclipse reference.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cvDXhEZvKyA

    I think this is the only example of Binky Cullom singing lead, which is a waste of that voice.

  • WeaselPoo

    I think I’ll go protest the removal of light by the eclipse because the darkness will oppress the heritage of my whiteness.

  • doggiedaddy

    Called it!
    I knew tRumpf would be jealous of the solar eclipse and have to throw a tantrum to pull focus.
    http://68.media.tumblr.com/68f804b91c09ae0f0000c37caad1f589/tumblr_okklz6C7pj1qzt7d8o1_400.gif
    Why does REM’s song The End of The World come to mind.

  • Mavenmaven

    I keep hoping Trump’s Afghanistan strategy is to leave the presidency and move to Afghanistan full time.

    • WeaselPoo

      Have’nt the Afghans been through enough?

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Hey, Rohrabacher can show him around.

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    MICHAEL IS NOT A CAT’S NAME!

    • Bill D. Burger
    • TJ Barke

      I know a cat named Steve.

    • The Wanderer

      I had two cats, Boudicca and Oscar de la Kitty.

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        Now those are cat names!

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      Mine are Calvin & Hobbes.

    • Bozilingus

      Two of my cats were named by the grandkids. Glitter is a long-hair ginger male. Bashful is an almost all-gray female.
      I named the youngest cat Barn Cat, a very affectionate short-hair tabby male, who is sitting with me while I read Wonkette. Neither of us is wearing pants.

  • Kentucky Gov. Matt Bevin is blaming a lack of Jesus for the “sanitization of history” and the rise of neo-Nazi mayhem.

    Christianity throughout its history has been very good at hating and killing the Jews. #inconvenientfacts

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    “I came to put on lipstick and fuck the system, and I’ve just finished putting on my lipstick.”

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/1780842dff1c6aa3536ee21e8857846e1a9cff6472bf5e09bbea92225a86f83a.jpg

    • YoBunnyBunny

      “If I’m gonna fuck up the system, I’m gonna look good doing it, dammit!!!”

    • Ghenghis McCann

      Be careful, that’s River Song’s hallucinogenic lipstick she’s putting on. Don’t let her kiss you.

  • Ryan Denniston

    “Trump and his family have left the Secret Service completely broke, and now they have to beg Congress for more money.”
    Congress ought to tell Chump that additional Secret Service funds come out of his wall funds. Bet we don’t see any more golf.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    Breitbart is targeting the “globalists” in Trump’s White House, like Gary Cohn and Princess Ivanka, and is preparing to go to WAR! on Fox and traditional Republicans by jumping in bed with Sinclair Broadcasting.

    They’re announcing this before Sinclair gets their waiver?

  • Wolf Tracker

    Live stream for eclipse if you are not where you have a good view:

    Watch live: Total solar eclipse, first to cross U.S. in 99 years

    https://www.yahoo.com/news/live-total-solar-eclipse-first-cross-u-s-99-years-115636316.html

  • HazooToo

    Oh, we’re trying to ban killer robots now? We must already have killer robots, then. Great.

    • Wolf Tracker

      The first time I tried flying a drone it tried to kill me.

      • Rick Hill

        You don’t want to know how the sexbots are going to kill men

        • Wolf Tracker

          Ouch!

        • The Wanderer

          Death by snoo-snoo!

          • Rick Hill

            Something a little briefer and more abrupt

        • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

          But those are the kind of men we don’t need.

    • Thiazin Red

      Why would you even make them? Has no one ever seen a movie? It never ends well for the humans.

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        Because too many men thing “Cool, super powered gynoids” and really don’t go much further than that.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Hard to get any of the Fuckers left in the West Wing to appear on TV this weekend. So they threw out that leftover shitstain talibangelical’ Falwell Jr to embarrass himself …. because he’s used to it.

    https://twitter.com/evanmcmurry/status/899256433627217921

    • YoBunnyBunny

      Too busy surreptitiously packing up their offices, eh???

      • mardam422

        Polishing up the ole resume takes time.

  • Thiazin Red

    Serious question, why does most of the media continue to pretend that the sane, properly spelled tweets are from Trump? They clearly aren’t. Is there some unwritten rule, like the one where they for some reason won’t just call him a liar?

    • Rick Hill

      Fake news?

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Because it looks bad if the guy they campaigned to hand the nuclear codes to is exactly what it was clear he was while they were doing it.

    • William
    • Shibusa

      Pretending Trump can spell and act sane is part of America’s heeling process.

      • Bozilingus

        We did elect a shit-heel for President.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    Am I the only one who watched that video and thought Ferris Mewler’s Day Off?

    (of course I am, nobody watches the videos)

  • Shibusa

    Small silver lining for the day, from the Politico article about Newt: “Gingrich is more concerned about prepping for his own new frontier as the silent spouse.”

    So many have longed, for years, to stuff a giant sock in Newt’s pie hole.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      and now his wife is officially more powerful and important that he is in the eyes of God, and it’s his least excusable wife.

    • From Russia With A Permit

      Well, he’s in the right place for that!

      Oh… you said “sock.”

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      Or a giant permanent ball-gag.

  • IdiokraticCulturalMarxist

    So that’s not the moon eclipsing the sun but recently launched Dear Leader! https://twitter.com/DPRK_News/status/899607945306140672

  • Blackest Noobs

    So Bannon Out = More War.

    it’s good to know Trump is quite excellent at breaking promises.

    • Blackest Noobs

      and p.s. the other guy Presidents ( cuz come on they’ve all BEEN DUDES) did pretty much the same fucking thing..threw in more young men and women into the grinder expecting different results…how do we fix it? uh i dunno more troops?!?

      • From Russia With A Permit

        Just fucking leave? I say that having spent 35 years in the DoD.

        • Blackest Noobs

          yes…just leave…a strategy we have yet to even try.

      • Blackest Noobs

        though i am not arguing that no military interaction is necessary but it shouldn’t be our ONLY bag of tricks.

        Unlike the lies Trump keep purporting about General Pershing, the General actually went out and tried to win the hearts and minds and without pig blood covered bullets….imagine that.

    • phoenix00

      BUT you know Shillary’s the real warmonger!

  • William
    • Courser_Resistance

      Okay, that’s awesome!

    • Awww, this is what I’ve been missing! I’ve been listening to a lot of KMFDM -because they just released a new LP, but I it was Bauhaus that I was searching for all along!

      • Haha…

        Excellent.

        I myself actually listen to a lot of KMFDM; I’m actually searching around online lately for a killer black longsleeve.

        XD

  • HazooToo

    Well. I’m gonna just put this here, and then go make my breakfast. https://twitter.com/RVAwonk/status/899615812016910336

    • Catstro

      Saros series? More like Soros series, am I right?

      • NellCote71

        The eclipse is obviously a false flag. #SunLivesMatter.

    • From Russia With A Permit

      Here’s the task. Find a year when none of that shit did happen.

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        Selection bias is a big part of the stock in trade of astrology charlatans.

        • Petunia Cat

          Guy on Twitter one year said he wanted to be Confirmation Bias for Halloween. He’d wear his regular clothing and ask people what they thought he was. Then agree with whatever they said. 😊

    • Blackest Noobs

      ugh the amount of stupidity is astronomical.

      • Courser_Resistance

        If you stare long enough, you may imagine that you see causality in chaos. Kind of like the warning on mirrors ‘Objects may be closer than they appear’

      • phoenix00

        ISWYDT

  • Fitzgerald Chesterfield

    It’s almost as if President Trump never realized that the principled conservative argument against presidential vacations is “wasted money on security,” not “the president is a black guy”

  • Blackest Noobs

    O/T: solar fucking eclipse has driven people fucking crazy

    seriously go fuck yourself if you’re just now wanting to get those pointless glasses. if you seriously wanted to see this shit, then you should have made the drive to where it’s 100% of the totality and secondly a pinhole camera ( which is very easy to construct) is a much better way to view the eclipse.

    but fuck off about asking about the goddamn glasses.

    • Internet Hitler

      My co. gave us glasses, so my spouse went online to sell our extra pair at cost. After selling to the first responder, one of our other neighbors DMed to offer a bribe to lie and say they it was sold to her first. After the bribe was politely refused, this neighbor messaged a whole lotta hate and called us a “retard.”

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    Trump is scheduled to unveil his Afghanistan strategy tonight in a primetime address that will be ignored by his base because it cuts into Monday night wrestling.

    Assumes Donnie Dumbass survives the eclipse ….

    • mardam422

      He’s going to tell us that the US will eclipse the Taliban. Mark it.

    • Petunia Cat

      A few years ago during an eclipse some woman in Quebec looked at it, lost her vision, went to the hospital. They bandaged up her eyes. And it did come back a couple weeks later. So is Trump going to look like The Mummy tonight?

  • NotReallyHere

    I don’t know if this has been shared or not, but the Washington Post has compiled a list of examples of White House staff or fellow Republican quotes about how Trump acts like a toddler.
    https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/posteverything/wp/2017/08/21/the-trump-as-toddler-thread-explained-and-curated/?utm_term=.4d2d61fe90c9

    There are 71 so far.

    • Zyxomma

      Just more proof, IMHO, that he never intended to nor wanted to win. He expected to spend 8 years as a television presence, screaming about Crooked Hillary. Now we’re stuck with him, at least till Mueller finishes the investigation and presents his findings.

  • Mel

    Jerry Lewis spent decades telling America that people with disabilities should be infantilized & were only really worthy of pity. Not shedding any tears for him.

  • Zyxomma

    Well, it seems my eclipse glasses are going to go unused (I’m nowhere near totality, but got a pair to see the sight from where I am). I have to sit around waiting for the landlord to deliver a refrigerator. The last one has a freezer stronger than any I’ve ever had, but everything in the fridge spoiled (apart from those things that don’t spoil). I just went through this last week, and now have to go through it again. Today of all days.

    • You wouldn’t have missed anything if you were in chicago. It was cloudy, didn’t get very dark and i am disappointed in the heavens.

      • Zyxomma

        As it turns out, I DID get to see it; the fridge will be delivered tomorrow. In the Wonkette’s Gone Eclipsin’ thread, I shared how I shared my eclipse glasses with a couple of friends and a whole group of random strangers.

        • Petunia Cat

          😠 <- Super envious.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    There was no Bible study in my schools in the 60’s and 70’s. Maybe that’s why I’m a liberal socialist feminist humanist???? Nope, I got that training at home and from books, which is where people should get their Bible study.

    • unclejeems

      Nah. I had plenty of Bible study, and I’m still all those things.

  • Lorindel Ó Loingsigh

    After read Rokita’s list, it would appear that the prerequisites indicate a person who would otherwise themselves be running against HIM, so go-getters? Keep 2018 in mind.

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    “I feel jacked up…Now I’m free. I’ve got my hands back on my weapons…”

    I assume he is just going to fondle them now, instead of trying to get his mouth around them?

    • Internet Hitler

      Wonder if he’ll call President Kushner a “cuck” in public.

  • Mike Steele

    Dominic – Exceptionally fine digest this morning. Have come to expect it! Thanks…

  • After every obama speech msm has a conservative rebuttal. Only makes sense they would have a conservative translator after trump

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    I love my dead, gay, sun.

  • TundraGrifter

    This morning I told the native holding me prisoner that if I wasn’t released right away the great snake I command would swallow the sun and leave them in darkness, with fallow fields and starvation in the offing.

    They didn’t listen, but instead tied me to a post and began to pile kindling around my feet.

    Fortunately, just as they were blowing on some hot coals, the eclipse happened (which I know about, of course, because I had an Almanac in my travel kit).

    The cruel primitives cut my bonds and released me. And then asked if I was interested in marrying the chief’s beautiful (and rather topless) daughter.

  • amindofitsown

    Herr Leader facing off his arch enemy, the Sun- anything that dares outshine him https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ff78b5de326b670bc4cd20228c60d92cdb3f7c88afc2ca2c0a44dd1e7a075213.png

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Forget the SS agent salary cap. There needs to be a non-critical travel cap on the First Family. Like you don’t get to have 5 different residences that have to be secured, and you don’t get to go to your own house every fucking weekend. And it is seriously time to stop providing full protection to a President’s adult offspring, siblings, and ex wives.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    “When TER enters the car, check to ensure he has his phone and wallet,”
    the instructions say, referring to Rokita by his initials.

    This reminds me of my father’s mantra: Spectacles-Testicles-Billfold-Watch (hand touching each item to be sure it’s there)

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      my ole man did that!

      Wallet, glasses, smokes, lighter, keys.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        Nope. Gotta check for your balls, too.

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