bare necessities pic.twitter.com/0tlvtNwo63
— Rebecca Schoenkopf (@commiegirl1) August 17, 2017
OH HEY, it is Saturday morning, which means it’s time for your top ten post, which features a special treat! It is Wonkette toddler, being silly and singing movie showtunes, like a common topless toddler. Isn’t that AWWWWWWWWW? (If you do not know the song, first of all, COME ON, and also click here.)
Before we count down the top posts, though, we can hear you crying out, “CAN I PLEASE DONATE SOME MONEY TO THE WONKETTE?” Awwwwww, you are kind of heart and sexxxy of … whatever other parts. Why yes, you may, as we have no ads, therefore all our operating expenses and all our salaries are paid by YOU! Yes, you right there, and you really are looking nice today. Wonkette is taking on new writers and trying to give the ones who work eleventy-three hours a week already to tell you amazing stories, and we want to be able to do this MORE AND MORE! So please please please sign up to do monthly donations, so we can grow and grow! Will you do that? They can be small monthly donations, medium monthly donations, or YOOGE monthly donations. It takes all kinds! We even take thousand dollar and million dollar donations, OR MONTHLY MILLION THOUSAND DOLLAR SUBSCRIPTIONS, like if you are a secret famous celebrity fan of Wonkette! Seriously, if you are able — DO NOT MONEY US IF YOU CAN’T AFFORD IT — then pull out your wallet and sign up to throw money on our face every month! You can also pull out an envelope and stamp and send money to Wonkette, PO Box 8765, Missoula MT 59807. Whatever, just please support us any way you can.
For instance, you could also purchase our sexxxy blue baseball caps. One of them says “Hell. No.” and the other says “Literally Anyone Else 2020.” See?
There are many other products in Ye Olde Wonkette Generale Store!
Look, it’s the traditional Wonkette Baby Donation Pressure Lion Of Cuteness, who is Wonkette’s Top Salesperson of the Month when it comes to shaking you down for donations/buying stuff:
We shall now count down the top 10 stories of the week, chosen as usual by Beyoncé:
1. Meet Trump idiot “Brad,” who got humiliated on MSNBC when he tried to mansplain “economy” to the hosts, who are financial experts.
2. It sure is a shame Hillary Clinton never warned us about Donald Trump’s basket of deplorable Nazi fuckwits.
3. Speaking of Nazis, did you see that shit where Trump took the side of the Nazis in Charlottesville, because at least they had a permit?
4. A Breitbart guy was triggered so hard by the current cover of Vogue, he fell over dead. But don’t worry, he got better!
5. Trump’s first statement on Charlottesville somehow was worse than Mike Huckabee’s statement on Charlottesville.
6. Yay! Let’s celebrate the 90th anniversary of Trump’s dad Fred getting arrested at a Klan riot!
7. This one guy who went to that racist rally is really upset everybody thinks he’s racist, just because he went to a racist rally.
8. Oh Christ, Would You Look At These Assholes? Our first post on Charlottesville.
9. A very special Deleted Comments, featuring only the worst shit people said last weekend during the Charlottesville mayhem.
10. And finally, OH GO FUCK YOURSELF with a tiki torch, Tucker Carlson!
So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!
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You are very good! We should give you more kid pictures, but you got a video this week, which is mathematically equal to one million pictures, therefore you get NOTHING MORE.
Yours in Christ,
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