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It would be a damn shame if this fine monument to Confederate General Nathan Bedford Forrest was sacrificed on the altar of PC culture run amok! Obviously, this 25-foot likeness of the KKK’s first grand wizard (no, really!) looming over the interstate in Nashville represents heritage, not hate! Just ask the artist Jack Kershaw, a Renaissance man who fashioned fiberglass monstrosities and distinguished himself as a lawyer representing James Earl Ray. Per WaPo,

“Somebody needs to say a good word for slavery,” he once told The Times-Picayune of New Orleans.

Nope, no hate here!

Donald Trump hasn’t taken up the cause of slavery. YET. But he is very sad that those dedicated young Civil War buffs in Virginia won’t be able to take their evening history lessons as the soft glow of torchlight illuminates the great General Lee’s likeness.

O RLY! The king of gilded garbage palaces is suddenly concerned about cultural preservation? The guy who signed an order to deaccession national parks?

It’s not the hypocritical bullshit that’s surprising. We all know damn well that Trump would tear down the Lincoln Memorial tomorrow if he could get a permit to build a slot emporium there. It’s that for every occasion there’s at least one hilariously terrible story in the archives to show what a shameless conman Trump has always been. You want Donald Trump calling up reporters pretending to be John Baron, fake historical markers, and real pictures of Donald Trump’s giant ass in those ridiculous white golf pants? The New York Times has got you covered!

In 1980, Donald Trump had promised to salvage two iconic Art Deco friezes when he demolished the Bonwit Teller building in New York. The Metropolitan Museum of Art was looking forward to displaying the pieces in its department of 20th century art.

But John Baron, a vice president of the Trump Organization, said after the demolition yesterday that the company had decided not to preserve the sculptures because, “the merit of these stones was not great enough to justify the effort to save them.”

Mr. Baron said the company had got three independent appraisals of the sculptures. These, he said, had found them to be “without artistic merit” and worth less than $9,000 in “resale value.” He said it would have cost $32,000 to remove them carefully and would have delayed demolition work by a week and a half and perhaps longer because of the need for cranes and municipal permits.

Unfortunately, they had to you’re fired that John Baron fellow for telling lies to the press. And for being entirely fictitious. Also, too the Met wasn’t trying to saddle itself with two 15-foot tall concrete statues because they were “without artistic merit”!

Yes, Donald Trump, who ordered his workmen to jackhammer this iconic sculpture into dust, is now lecturing America on the absolute necessity of having a green dude on a horse in every park in the country.

Here’s the one the Nazis rallied around in Charlottesville. Looks just like the one in every other park in America.

At least Generals Forrest and Lee were actual historical figures. Trump put up this monument to a fake Civil War battle at his trash palace in Sterling, Virginia.

The New York Times reports,

“Many great American soldiers, both of the North and South, died at this spot,” the inscription reads. “The casualties were so great that the water would turn red and thus became known as ‘The River of Blood.’ ”

The inscription, beneath his family crest and above Mr. Trump’s full name, concludes: “It is my great honor to have preserved this important section of the Potomac River!”

(Let’s not get sidetracked with the fake “family crest,” which Trump lifted from a Scottish family, swapping in his own name for the word integrity. Don’t want to break the irony meter before lunchtime!)

Local historians agree that “The River of Blood” is as real as Donald Trump’s honor.

“No. Uh-uh. No way. Nothing like that ever happened there,” said Richard Gillespie, the executive director of the Mosby Heritage Area Association, a historical preservation and education group devoted to an 1,800-square-mile section of the Northern Virginia Piedmont, including the Lowes Island site.

To which Donald Trump replied,

“How would they know that?” Mr. Trump asked when told that local historians had called his plaque a fiction. “Were they there?”

Mr. Trump repeatedly said that “numerous historians” had told him that the golf club site was known as the River of Blood. But he said he did not remember their names.

Was it noted historians John Baron and My Pal Jim? Those guys would know better than any pencil pushing local nerd, because they were totally “there” and that river was bloodier than Megyn Kelly’s wherever!

My Pal Jim and John Baron re-enacting the River of Blood at the 14th Hole.

See, Kids! Those who cannot remember the past are doomed to just make shit up in a futile attempt to appear classy.

We must NEVER FORGET that Robert E. Lee fought the Highlander to a draw in the River of Blood Massacre on the banks of the Potomac. Knowing there could be only one, the two men retired to the clubhouse to enjoy burnt Trump steaks with ketchup. As a sign of His covenant with Holy White America, God commanded that a commemorative statue be placed in every park in the land. And the Republic was saved! Amen.

As promised, Trump’s giant ass on the links!

[WaPo / NYTimes / NYTimes, again / HuffPo]

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  • Msgr_MΩment

    Nathan Bedford Forrest! Why the long face?

    • Joe Beese

      Execrated by his countrymen until the end of time?

      Just a guess.

      • Oblios_Cap

        I can’t see the Forrest for the trees.

  • ManchuCandidate

    The Neverending Bullshit. All we need is Falcor to show up in this world and wisk Donnie away to the land of imagination where he belongs besides hell and debtor’s prison.

  • Joe Beese

    Ramirez was an effete snob. And he died on his knees.

    Just thought I’d put that out there.

    • FauxAntocles

      There can be only one!

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        Trump: the Heilander.

  • netanil

    Trump is an ignorant moron.
    As a wise man once said, “Anyone who listens to this fucking moron is a fucking moron.”

  • armed_bears
    • Steve Cole

      Part of the “conservation of BS” principles

      • armed_bears

        I like physics snark.

  • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

    I consider this a national treasure. Hilarity, not hate! https://img.wonkette.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/195786298_f213e06da0_b-640×480.jpg

    • Joe Beese

      Either he rode into battle on a Clydesdale or he was kind of a shrimp.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        “Proportion” is not a valued white supremacist ethic.

        • armed_bears

          In so many ways.

      • weejee

        With small hands like…

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      He looks like that creepy “king” in the Burger King commercials.

      • Monsieur_Grumpe

        I was thinking Oompa Loompa but he’s not orange.

      • Joe Beese

        When you play the Game of Burgers, you win or you die.

      • NastyBossetti

        I thought he looked familiar, but I couldn’t place him That’s exactly it.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Yup.
      The more I look at that “statue” the more retarded it looks.

    • anon_the_great

      I think the creator nailed it.

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        crazy eyed, shrimp.

        Yeah prolly.

    • Vincent Ricola

      If life was a Stephen King novel, that statue would be the first one that comes alive to lead the other hell demon statues in their quest to eliminate humans living in a quiet Oregon suburb.

    • NastyBossetti

      This sculptor even managed to make a horse look dumb and bad.

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        He clearly used a carousel horse as a model.

        • gedjcj

          Carousel horse libel!

  • Jgb979

    For a dude who was a confederate and then the first klansman, that “mentally deranged Burger King robot” is a remarkably appropriate and effective likeness.

    That one can stay

  • MynameisBlarney
    • weejee

      Blows too, also.

  • weejee

    The one upside from this past week is that Hair Fuhrer is now a lame duck.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a11f6f4808123733365475bc3f015027b2b6725e39e3a6288c5fdbd41bcaa786.png

  • wide_stance_hubby

    And how many monuments will be made of Dolt45?

    Many, many people will make them and then turn around and flush them from history.

  • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

    so odd how Confederate General Forrest became a democrat and then became the first wizard of the KKK, because that two of these things REALLY sound like us.

    /s

    • jesterpunk

      I said this last night in response to a Lumpy tweet but it still fits.

      Wait so Democrats are responsible for the confederacy but Republicans and Nazis want to keep the statues up and are defending the statues and the confederate states? You really didnt think this through did you Lumpy?

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        IKR?

  • Joe Beese

    Josh Marshall:

    Every president has these industry councils like the ones we’ve been talking about in recent days. They range from meaningless to not terribly important. They’re mainly symbolic. With everything that’s happened in recent days, I don’t want to make it out like the decisions of a small number of CEOs is the biggest news. Still, we should recognize that it is entirely unprecedented to have a sitting president become so toxic that corporate America feels unable to publicly associate with him. That is totally, totally new territory.

  • MynameisBlarney

    I’mma have to go look at some funny animal memes or something.
    Feelin’ like all this shit news over the last week and a half is gonna give me a fucking heart attack.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      You gotta take breaks from all this sometime.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Remember, this is the same guy that stole money from his own “charitable foundation” to commission portraits of himself for his golf ghettos. So yes, art is very important to him.

  • Oblios_Cap

    We all know damn well that Trump would tear down the Lincoln Memorial tomorrow if he could get a permit to build a slot emporium there.

    And it would be bankrupt within the year.

  • Joe Beese

    The mother of Heather Heyer, who was killed at the white supremacist rally in Charlottesville, Virginia on Saturday, said she would refuse to speak to President Donald Trump after seeing him compare the white supremacists who rallied in the city to the counter-protesters gathered to demonstrate against them, including her daughter.

  • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

    ha! CA Gopers, real powerful group there.
    ETA: Trump retweeted both of these.
    https://twitter.com/hughhewitt/status/898387559230742528

    • Oblios_Cap

      EE, HH. Those GOP losers sure can’t think of original names.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      When did “not being an asshole” suddenly become “virtue signaling”? Not being an asshole is a bad thing now?

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        I know right? Then again, political correctness is just “don’t be a dick.”

        also, reading literally, don’t we all signature our virtues, regardless of ideology? see: Trump, Donald J.

        Then again, these people are big fans of misusing phrases/labels as a slur.

  • TJ Barke

    I really want the very worst things to happen to him…

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Tremendous very worst things.

    • SayItWithWookies

      A moment of accurate self-reflection?

      • eggs ackly-wright

        unpossible

    • P’jama Pahnts

      Impeachment and being kicked out in disgrace?

    • eggs ackly-wright

      A necrotic molar?

    • marxalot
      • NastyBossetti

        I hope you crash your mama’s car!

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      Like me, you want him to become as financially bankrupt as he is morally bankrupt.

      • TJ Barke

        At the least.

  • eyelashviper

    Twitler has given the order to Betsy Devos to rewrite all the Murikin History books, and it will be another winner, bigly so!

    http://www.suprmchaos.com/lumpy_very-violent_081817.jpg

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Scooby

    Trump ordered a worker to jackhammer a naked guy?

    • h4rr4r

      It’s a guy? Well shit, I have been… nevermind. Way to kill the mood.

  • jesterpunk
    • eyelashviper

      Those pushy GIs, disrupting a nice quiet picnic on the beach by some jolly German folk…sad

      • jesterpunk

        Those Germans even had permits too.

        • eyelashviper

          And clean khaki pants and MAGA caps…such nice boys.

    • Bill D. Burger
    • Michael Smith

      Remember when wingnuts were sharing this photo and saying “1944, American young men put their lives on the line in defense of their country; 2016 American young men cry about needing safe spaces”

      Nevermind that those young men in 1944 were fighting against Nazism.

      • marxalot

        And never mind that I’ve buried several friends in the course of the last 15 years of war(s).

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    We could replace the statues with some fake role models.

    http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mdx26qXv7Z1qjyy26.jpg

  • GunToting[Redacted]

    Those folks who have a sad that tearing down statues will erase history will be really excited to learn about books!

    • Angela Ruzzo

      Books! What a great idea books are! Why is there no statue celebrating the invention of books! Back in the days when A&E network actually focused on arts and entertainment programs, they had a series called “Biography” and they did this great program in Dec. 1999 called the “100 Most Influential People of the Millennium” – and their #1 pick was Johann Gutenberg. I had to agree with that.

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2cb25979a722f5827bea59974f426f7606e1d432735e0988d43e12a84b683881.jpg

    • marxalot

      Wait until they find out about public libraries.

  • Rick Hill

    Mr. Trump repeatedly said that “numerous historians” had told him that the golf club site was known as the River of Blood. But he said he did not remember their names.

    You have to wonder if he hadn’t, at least once, thought he had purchased the Brooklyn bridge

  • SayItWithWookies

    That plaque at Assmouth’s club actually commemorates the River of Blood Tests, the famous line at the clinic where brave rich draft dodgers lined up to have their venereal diseases treated.

  • I sent this tweet to Trump’s twitter with the caption, these are the good people in Charlottesville. That might help him learn some modern history.
    https://twitter.com/AnneFrankCenter/status/898377793003827201

  • memzilla Ω

    Besides being the founder of the Ku Klux Klan, Nathan Bedford Forrest was the Confederate commander at the Fort Pillow Masssacre of 1864, in which 300+ black Union soldiers were murdered — AFTER THEY SURRENDERED. So FUCK ALL Y’ALL’S FUCKING STATUES.

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      So what you’re saying is that that statue wasn’t really erected to honor him, but was a big fat, middle finger salute to the negroes. Got it.

    • irishdave3

      Now that’s some Pillow tawk History…I also heard NBF wasn’t so much a founder as an early member, number 7 just like, well, you know AH the hero of Munich!

  • Ricky Gay

    “We’re gonna need moar plaster!” (Ass statue artist)

  • Bill D. Burger

    The No. 1 White Supremacy monument that has to be removed ASAP.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DHb0m0mUAAAF9UK.jpg

  • h4rr4r

    I supported the illegal removal in Durham, but the magnificent statue depicted at the top of this article must stay. The sheer insanity it captures must be preserved, so that we may all know exactly what kind of assholes would make such a thing.

    • SayItWithWookies

      It could use a feather boa or some Truck Nuts, though.

      • Vincent Ricola

        Also, too, dildo gun.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Nah, it doesn’t have to be destroyed, just removed from govt. property and no govt. funding for it’s maintenance.

      I think it should go to a museum so it can be ridiculed forever.

      • Vincent Ricola

        My loud neighbor has a front yard that could use some spiffying up.

      • h4rr4r

        Well obviously.

        I was unaware it was on government property. It belongs in a museum. A failure museum.

        • MynameisBlarney

          Isn’t that actually a thing? In Europe somewhere?

        • bjams17

          it isn’t on government property, which is the only reason this hilariously bad statue still stands.

      • Crystalclear12

        Guarding the bathrooms?

      • h4rr4r

        Someone up thread says it is on private property.

      • Edith Prickly

        Ripley’s Believe It or Not?

      • OneYieldRegular

        Give it to Maya Lin and let her figure out what to do with it.

      • CSparks

        See my response 8/22/17. The problem is that it’s not on government land. A wealthy man had it erected on his private property, which runs next to the highway. Nothing points that out, unfortunately. Efforts afoot to get the Transformation Department to camouflage it. The sight of it makes me throw up in my mouth a little.

    • Crystalclear12

      You can just tell he is after wascally wabbit, can’t you?

    • SweetDeeKat

      It is worth seeing in person. I recall seeing from a major road, and it is stunning in its awfulness. I near drove off the road in a what-the-fuck seizure.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Now and again, I’m proud to live here.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    Confederate plaque build-up causes truth decay.

    • irishdave3

      Simyilar to The Wacky Yellow build up which is really just wimpy Orange!

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Crystalclear12

      Thank Gawd I started buying my irony meters in bulk.

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    The River of Blood was the place where the 1st Menstrual Division led by Megyn Kelly drowned the Trump yacht, the “Misogynist”.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    Is Trump destroying Art Deco sculptures equivalent to the Taliban blowing up the Buddhas of Bamiyan? Not quite the same, but similar underlying philosophies, if you ask me.

    • marxalot

      I dunno. I feel like the Taliban were motivated by ideology, but the Wig just couldn’t be bothered to not. Like, the Taliban recognized those were important and beautiful and dectroyed them deliberately; the Wig is unable to recognize aesthetic value and decided that anything other than utter negligence was just too much work.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        How about obsessive compulsive disdain for the beliefs, values and opinions of others? Seems the same to me.

      • Manders

        He didn’t want to hold up construction, or pay his illegal Polish workers one second longer or one penny more than he had to (and he still stiffed them). That man does nothing that does not involve money or the greater glory of Trump.

        • marxalot

          True, ripping people off is his religion.

      • irishdave3

        Because Money…Remember when the SC(R)OTUS said Money was Filosophy?

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      Well blasphemous vs not worth it is a different filosophy I think

      • Angela Ruzzo

        I think it depends on one’s definition of blasphemous.

  • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

    who is shocked?

    WATCH: Crying neo-Nazi Chris Cantwell made 2014 Colbert appearance as ‘total d*ck’ parking meter vigilante

    http://www.rawstory.com/2017/08/watch-crying-nazi-chris-cantwell-made-2014-colbert-appearance-as-total-dck-parking-meter-vigilante/

  • MynameisBlarney
  • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

    “Authorities in Maryland on Friday removed a statue of a 19th century Chief Justice who wrote the pro-slavery Dred Scott decision in the latest example of action over memorials that have sparked protests across the United States.”

    http://www.rawstory.com/2017/08/statue-of-19th-century-slavery-advocate-removed-in-maryland/

  • P’jama Pahnts

    If you can’t trust those roving gangs of numerous historians…

  • fawkedifiknow

    I am a history major and Donald Trump claiming some expertise in history is libeling me!!

    • Michael Smith

      Aren’t we supposed to be “opening up the libel laws” here pretty soon?

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      Hear hear. As an European student, American history wasn’t much in the curriculum aside of the basic material but even the student who did take extra classes on the history of the USA or specialised in it know a damn lot more that Trump (and his base)

    • President in Exile Firefly

      How do you know? Were you there?

    • irishdave3

      Merely a major, did you get passed over for promotion to General by the Commentor in Chief?

  • Bill D. Burger

    Trump’s great sense of history underpinned the placement of this memorial at one of his golf resorts and it was dedicated to those who died in the Great Battle of The Rapids: The River of Blood during the Civil War……..ohhh…wait!
    __ Whaaaaaaat? …..Man! It’s a fucking lie. Never happened.

    Well…on to the Bowling Green Massacre…….and ….what?

    http://i2.cdn.cnn.com/cnnnext/dam/assets/170503085437-golf-club-plaque-super-tease.jpg

    • Manders

      I’ve never had cause to wonder if it was possible to be both bloodthirsty and a coward. Now I do.

      Really? You are trying to come up with a plausible name for a fake Civil War battle and you come up with “The River of Blood”??? The obvious choice would be “Battle of X.” If there really were a battle called the River of Blood, everyone would know about it. It would be up there with Gettysburg and Antietam. It’s a very vivid name. It’s like a name a ten-year-old boy would come up with.

      Also, too, clearly Trump wrote the inscription for that plaque himself.

      • marxalot

        “Chickenhawk”

      • irishdave3

        It’s always the “marketing” and the brand!

    • Maybe rivers of blood is the name of the site because that’s where his chinese hat making plants are dumping all the used red dye?

      • Bill D. Burger

        Or Megyn Kelly visited once upon a time?

        • irishdave3

          and then she went back to bloody where ever!

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      Also, too, the phrase “American soldiers, both of the North and South” is really fucking stupid. The soldiers from the south left the union. They weren’t American soldiers, you fucking dip shit. They were confederate soldiers.

      Oh great. Now, I’m feeling ragey and stabby and can’t get home to my fresh box-o-wine fast enough.

  • Michael Smith

    Speaking of rewriting history, I’ve noticed that conservatives let themselves feel okay about White Nationalism despite the fact that our opponents in WW2 had that mindset (Japanese Nationalism also too), which mindset inspired these opponents to go around the world wrecking things and murdering people until the whole world had to fight a horrible war to put an end to it. Why don’t they recognize the destructiveness of this ideology based on recent historical experience?

    Because Nazism is not condemned properly in our histories. We don’t talk enough about how racial prejudices and fervent nationalism combined to create a monster that swept up lots and lots of formerly “good people,” who thought the Nazis were just really patriotic and good for Germany. Some of our pop history implies that the Nazis’ primary mistake was messing with the good ole US of A, followed by going way overboard with racism and anti-semitism. So people have justified their own racism and anti-semitism by imagining that these ideologies, in smaller doses, are understandable and maybe even good for a country’s toughness and sense of identity.

    We don’t really talk about who the Nazis were, and how they capitalized on feelings that are very common to all times and places, and how allowing yourself to be manipulated in the way that they manipulated people is what leads you to becoming a monster and then to have your country bombed into the stone age once people wake up to your nature. Our leaders tend to ignore those aspects because they don’t want those easy means of manipulation to be tainted by the memory of what happens when you keep pulling those levers.

    • Antonin Dvorak

      There is a museum in Germany (I think it is in Frankfurt) that is not about WWII, but just about how Naziism actually came to be and what tactics they used to gain power. They give lectures and invite schools and even Law Enforcement and Military personnel to come and be taught.

      • H0mer0

        I think that’s in Nuremberg but maybe they have one also in Frankfurt.

      • irishdave3

        But are there even any statues there?

    • proudgrampa

      The biggest problem with America is our lack of the sense of history. Europeans are much better at this and do a better job at learning from it.

      • NastyBossetti

        Well, maybe if we didn’t let people go around erasing history by taking down confederate statues, we wouldn’t have that problem!

      • unclejeems

        But see, how will history help our young ‘uns get jerbs when they leave off schoolin’? Why, more jerb training is what we ‘uns need. Let them historian fellers kept that there history and stuff too theirselves. ‘Taint no good fer nuthin, says us. We’uns need jerbs!

      • sarafina

        I disagree. The Europeans – British, French, Spanish, Germans, Italians – had little wars roughly every 20 years until WW1, which was followed ROUGHLY 20 YEARS later by WW2, when the atomic bomb got dropped and shit got real.

    • msanthrope

      Preach.

    • Flashman

      It gets very un-comfey very fast. Fascist states venerated the military, the flag, “traditional [insert country] values”, submissive religous piety, representationalism in art, and so on. It all starts sounding like folks we know, knowwhudimean?

      • irishdave3

        You forgot Total Allegiance such as….called for in Orange Leader Won’s ignorable address to billion and billions and…..

    • sarafina

      It goes back to how the Germans were treated after WWI, so that needs to be brought in also.

      • Michael Smith

        For sure. The other countries decided they could erase their own guilt for that war by pretending it was all Germany’s fault and didn’t think about what the consequences might be. But the Germans had a choice too and they chose to embrace bigotry and the rest of Europe decided to view it as harmless until it was too late.

    • irishdave3

      Fight a terrible war..is this a classic “many sides” deal? also. too….premature anti Fascism was a crime and sh*t!

      • Michael Smith

        So was Fascism. Didn’t stop them from beating on the German and Italian communists to discourage people for voting for them. Of course they were quick to point out that communism was a mortal threat to the nation right before they set about destroying their nations.

  • capnkrunch

    From the WaPo link:

    Dorris [owner of the property the statue sits on] — who called slavery a form of “social security” for African Americans, “a cradle-to-the-grave proposition” — told WPLN that he’s not racist.

    No racist. No racist. YOU’RE THE RACIST!

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      sigh – thank goodness we can figure out people b y their words and deeds.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Right – and the Underground Railroad actually brought free blacks to the South, where they could live in a land of milk and honey and a lifetime of tender care.

    • Manders

      “Somebody needs to say a good word for slavery”

      No, sir, no they do not.

      If I lived nearby I think I would just save up enough money to pay the fine and then vandalize that statue a couple times a year.

      • Notreelyhelping

        Um…it’s illegal?

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Private property, so yeah.

          • sarafina

            Only if you got caught.

    • OneWhiteWhisker

      If slavery was so great how come no white guys volunteered to work in the fields and get some of that sweet, sweet “social security”?

  • Crystalclear12

    If he were drunk he would have an excuse but he says this shit stone cold sober!

    • Oblios_Cap

      Another reason to distrust teetotalers.

      • proudgrampa

        Never trust a man (or woman) who doesn’t drink.

        • covfefesumgame0005

          or at least tokes up

          • AmazingProfessionalCrastinator

            Hey now, some people have very good reasons not to drink or toke!

    • Mavenmaven

      Stone cold senile

  • altleftjohn

    That fucking Bedford Forrest excrescence needs to be preserved as a monument to racist taste. Maybe these people could take it. http://www.museumofbadart.org

  • rocktonsam

    I am positive Dump thought the statue of Robert E. Lee was one of the car from Dukes of Hazard. Because Daisy Dukes bewbs.

  • Kiri the Unicorn

    “Yes, Donald Trump, who ordered his workmen to jackhammer this iconic sculpture into dust, is now lecturing America on the absolute necessity of having a green dude on a horse in every park in the country.”

    It’s not always a bad thing.

    https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/1/13/Theodore_Roosevelt_statue_on_Park_Blocks%2C_Portland_-_cropped.jpg

    • Bill D. Burger

      That’s the famous “Theodore Roosevelt: Rough Rider” sculpture by American artist Alexander Proctor in the South Park Blocks of Portland, Oregon. My middle son’s office is not far from there. (👍≖‿‿≖)👍
      And ….Trump was indeed villainous in destroying those priceless art deco pieces because he wouldn’t wait a few days for permits.

  • therblig

    i’m disappointed that the marvelous forrest statue is mere fiberglass and not precious metals. that said, can’t they slap some bondo over the bullet hole?

  • Mavenmaven

    Numerous sources! The Titular Dean of the esteemed Trump University is not a good enough source?

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Tits libelz!!!

  • It is entirely appropriate Nathan looms his crazy over Williamson County . . .Marsha Blackburn Territory!

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/cd66351af91ec049601efbb592a65839fd66a2b14b569f4c2da7b1590f9979d0.jpg

    To a World of Hate and Crazy

    • Ghenghis McCann

      Now there’s a wild eyed Loon, if ever I saw one.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Looks like he just got an ‘atomic wedgie’ ___ ~ OUCH!~

      https://media.giphy.com/media/egSxgR7ZVM4y4/giphy.gif

    • Michael Healey

      He looks like a rejected cereal mascot.

    • Raan

      He looks like, as I’m sure many county residents have, he just smoked a bunch of meth.

      • CSparks

        The county outside Nashville where it stands is the wealthiest in the state, and chock-a-block full of white Republicans, so more coke and pills, than meth. Davidson County/Nashville is still reliably blue party liberal, so our drugs of choice are less cosmopolitan, and more diverse.

    • covfefesumgame0005

      note that he is shooting at someone(s) behind him as he is riding wildly away from danger like the coward he was and his spiritual children are today

    • TakingAmes

      That is a truly insane sculpture.

  • President in Exile Firefly

    I’m gonna put up a plaque on my house commemorating the very spot where we defeated the mole people from the hollow earth. And when some pointy headed historian challenges the claim, I’ll reply, “How would you know that? Were you there?”

    • Raan

      John Agar was.

      • Reegstar

        Nice reference.

  • Crystalclear12

    I would like to take a moment to talk to the electoral college for not doing what they were specifically design to do.
    Everything this man does or says is your fault.

    Just needs to be said every now and again.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      This. The design, or wishful thinking, was that eminent citizens who had knowledge of things beyond and above hoi polloi would come together to choose the best person to be president in the mold of George Washington. We see how well this has worked; we’re floundering in the effluent of that wishful thinking.

    • irishdave3

      The Elect Troll College drop out can’t re-pay their student loans?

  • jodyleek

    http://vaudc.org/lee-defense.html
    This little nugget of historical whitewash has been making the rounds on facespace. Was posted last night by one of my “friends” who is a trumper. So, since last night and most of this morning I’ve been doing research and Edward Smith, the author of this piece, has a dubious relationship with historical truth and his credentials have been questioned by historians on deadconfederates.com. One lie that really cheesed me was the “fact” that Lee had no slaves. I only had to look at the Arlington plantation memorial (Lee’s home) to see there is not one but two slaves’ quarters on the property . Technically, Lee’s wife, a step-granddaughter of Washington, inherited the property, but a woman’s property was her husband’s property back in that time. The sad fact is that a lot of people will read it and think it’s gospel truth and not question its veracity.

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      I’ve been told Lee was good to his slaves and freed them as soon as he could. By “good to them,” I assume the nutter thinks punishing them by having someone whip them and then pour brine into their wounds is just showing “tough love.”

      • jodyleek

        And “as soon as he could” meant using them to work off his father-in-laws debts. After all, slavery was good for Africans because the “painful discipline” was for their “instruction” – Lee’s words. Also too, Christianity was going to be their emancipation, not a silly old proclamation.

      • puredog

        That is apparently fake history (though I suppose there might be *some* relativistic truth to it). See https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2017/06/the-myth-of-the-kindly-general-lee/529038/

        • Persistent Tennessee Rain

          It’s fake that he was good to his slaves.
          From your link:

          When two of his slaves escaped and were recaptured, Lee either beat them himself or ordered the overseer to “lay it on well.” Wesley Norris, one of the slaves who was whipped, recalled that “not satisfied with simply lacerating our naked flesh, Gen. Lee then ordered the overseer to thoroughly wash our backs with brine, which was done.”

    • Mysterious Masked Wrestler

      A rebuttal needs to be circulated as well. I’m not on social networks at all, but the advice I would give to whoever’s willing to do it is to keep it simple and straightforward if you want anyone to actually read it.

  • President in Exile Firefly

    Trump is still upset that all those monuments to his business acumen got torn down in Atlantic City.

  • I probably mention it every time this farkarkte statue gets mentioned here, but I’m going to again: as a native Nashvillian, I assure you, I proclaim, I aver, I declare, I say to be so, that 99% of the people who live here hate that damned thing. It’s a statue of a godawful human being, and, the character of its subject notwithstanding, IT IS QUITE POSSIBLY THE WORST PIECE OF SCULPTURE IN THE ENTIRE HISTORY OF HUMAN CREATIVE ENDEAVOUR. And yes, I include that first draft of the Lucille Ball statue and the bust of…um…footballer guy…Reonaldo Bodeeohdohdeeoh or some such. (I don’t much follow the footie)

    • bobbert

      Fonzie statue in Milwaukee beats them all.

      • Good God, you’re right

      • Tasha Naraganza, of Spain

        It looks like it’s possessed by a demon.

        • H0mer0

          at least it didn’t kill its creator like the Denver airport stallion

          • Tasha Naraganza, of Spain

            Whoa! That’s a horse of a different color. I’ve flown out of that airport, and don’t recall seeing it.

          • H0mer0

            his eyes are scary.

          • Tasha Naraganza, of Spain
      • OneYieldRegular

        I was going to propose the Sonny Bono statue in Palm Springs, but I have to concede that Fonzie may well edge that one out for the title.

    • Tasha Naraganza, of Spain

      N.B. Forrest his own self would puke if he saw that nasty piece of crap.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      …QUITE POSSIBLY THE WORST PIECE OF SCULPTURE IN THE ENTIRE HISTORY OF HUMAN CREATIVE ENDEAVOUR…

      Obviously, you haven’t seen any of my pottery class oeuvre, which eventually made the instructor weep and become a CPA.

      • Damn, son, I believe I’d work that into my resume, if I were you.

    • Tasha Naraganza, of Spain

      I have to say though, that I have never seen a statue that immediately inspired fear and loathing like that execrable Lucille Ball atrocity:

      http://offtherecordglobe.areavoices.com/files/2015/04/lucy2.jpg

  • MamaBrown

    Needs moar gold

  • Cock Blockula
    • theCryptofishist

      Bowling Green Massacre!

      • Baileyppfeffer

        yesterday I got a new Jaguar XJ after having earned $5816 this-past/five weeks and-also, 10k last munth . with-out a doubt this is my favourite-work Ive had . I actually started six months/ago and right away started to make more than $71 per-hour . ➤check ➤out➤ this
        ➜➜➜http://www.GoogleFinancialCashJobs556HomeThink/Home/Wage….
        ✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪::::ah266..

    • Hollandaise

      Yeah and now the Secret Service is canvassing her W Philly neighborhood to ask her neighbors if she’s a violent threat. FFS.

      • theCryptofishist

        shit

  • Relativicus

    The rest of Trump’s “River of Blood” spiel has to do with the fact there was, actually, a river crossing near that “monument.” And it’s based on his “logical” assumption that since an army crossed that point, there must have been a huge battle (there wasn’t). Basically he said that “it just makes sense” that there was a huge battle there, so there was.

  • SomeBigRedDog

    I call it a “river of blood” you call it a “chick who got her period”. Potato, Potahto. Whatevs.

  • Notreelyhelping
    • Tasha Naraganza, of Spain

      What in the F’n F is that, and where is the giant dick cannon located?

      • Notreelyhelping

        Wait for it: South Korea.

        • Tasha Naraganza, of Spain

          No shit!?

          • Notreelyhelping

            Nope.

          • Tasha Naraganza, of Spain

            Well, I’ve got to hand it to them (rimshot). Nobody makes giant penis cannons like the South Koreans. Their giant penis cannons have Gangnam Style.

  • Electric Ukulele Land

    The only statue of Robert E. Lee that would be remotely acceptable would be one commemorating his surrender at Appomattox.

    • Tasha Naraganza, of Spain

      Confederate statues on battlefields are entirely appropriate, like the one of Lee At Gettysburg where he sent George Pickett out to get his ass kicked.

    • BeachBum

      When we watched Ken Burn’s Civil War many years ago, my mom changed her mind about Lee and called him a traitor.

  • Thurman Munster IV

    Ooh. Nytimes just announced that grand wizard Bannon is going to get fired

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      “You can’t fire me – I quit!”

      Seriously, this is what we’re getting from Bannon.

  • Run2Live

    From Germany… Das Wahre Gesicht Des Donald Trump
    Translation: The true face of Donald Trump
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/474c1b855ce5f7ddbb799804009e2eea1e94f4d16233fbd20adc66e31e3b541c.jpg

    • Roadstergal

      When the Germans are calling you out as a white nationalist…

    • Zippy49

      Jawohl!

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    I like Drunk History better when it’s them throwing up instead of me.

  • Kooolest G

    The other thing that plaque gets wrong is that there weren’t many great American soldiers of the north and the south, the north were the Americans and the south were fighting to not be the Americans

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      The alternative history I want to see is not the what-if if the South won, but the what-if if Lincoln’s response to the secession was “buh-bye, don’t let the door hit ya the way out.”

      • Dudleydidwrong
      • Longstreet63

        The likely result would have been a war by 1880 over the west, fugitive slaves, and border states. It is certainly possible that at that point, the Confederacy would have been better prepared, unless the Union took the appropriate steps to greatly increase the size of the standing army and update its weapons with modern breechloaders.
        Although the north might have acquired some competent generals along the way, of course.
        Permanent fortifications would also be found all over the border, and would be largely useless.
        On the other hand, the Confederacy would likely get more class restrictive, which would limit the availability of officers.
        By 1880, you’d probably be looking at a German-allied Prussian-style state, which would be a problem come 1914. The Zimmerman telegram wouldn’t have been directed at Mexico.

        • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

          Well that takes all the fun out of it. In my fantasy, due to having no industrial base and having nothing going on economically except agriculture, which the North would not import, that they would quickly implode and collapse.

          Oh, well, guess I’ll just stick with, “Thank you Mr. Lincoln for saving the Union and for doing your best to help ameliorate the original sin of this nation with the Emancipation Proclamation.” And, of course, those 700,00 souls lost lay at the feet of the seceding states.

        • Tasha Naraganza, of Spain

          There is a book written in the 1960s, titled “If the South Had Won the Civil War,” which is worth reading.
          To get back to the actual war, though … In point of fact, even though the quality of the average Union soldier declined as the war went on, the quality of the army’s officer corps increased, as promotions based on skill and leadership sent the best men of all social classes up the command ladder. Consequently the Union army was better led at the end of the war than at the beginning. By contrast, according to historian Fletcher Pratt, the Confederate officer corps, founded largely on a finite pool of privileged aristocrats, could not replace the losses of many of its most brilliant and aggressive commanders with officers of equal or greater ability as the conflict wore on, so that, at the end, although the Southern enlisted man remained better than his Union counterpart, his commanders were nowhere near as effective as they had been at the war’s beginning.

      • Eileen Besse

        If only….

  • VirginiaWackelpudding

    “How do they know? Were they there?” No, no one was there because there was no battle fought there! That man’s got more possum shyt in his skull than in my entire tomato patch.

  • BeachBum

    I think in Caen there is a WW II museum. They put Nazi art and statues in the basement if you really want to see them. Next to the restrooms.

  • Bebecca

    the statue of NBH looks like a cartoon character.

    • John Saxon

      Or the label artwork for “Captain Blood’s Rye Whisky.”

  • Mathew G. Smith

    Are you sure the Forrest statue isn’t meant to be mocking him? Look at that face!

    • Hardly Ideal

      ‘fraid not. It’s also built in the middle of a clearing surrounded by two layers of confederate flags.

  • David Chaillou

    Sorry. I have it on top secret authority that the River of Blood Massacre took place in Bowling Green, not on the bank of the Potomac. Fake News!

    • Bright Bart

      Yes! Many ambiguous people have said that. No I don’t remember their names

  • capnkrunch
    • Bitter Scribe

      I think being shipwrecked has affected his brain.

    • Bebecca

      If only there were big buildings, all over the country, dedicated to history. Nope can’t think of anything along those lines.

  • We don’t need to get rid of them, we need even more beautiful statues and memorials to learn from:

    We need a statue of the European hunter with his elephant rifle posed on a train in front of a mountain of buffalo bones
    And one of an Indian Village being raided by a Calvary, shooting women and children from their horses as they emerge from their teepees
    And one of a plantation owner in the doorway of a little shack with a whip, the family cowering against a wall of poorly aligned planks in shackles

    And one of a huge mountain of Indian corpses in pewter commemorated with a single word on bronze – “smallpox”
    And a life-size recreation of JP Morgan’s Morgan Town with JP Morgan larger than life in the center of it.

    One of Clinton getting a blowjob while inserting a cigar in Monica’s twat.
    And one of Trump snorting coke and crank with Bannon and KellyAnne in the whitehouse bathroom while Melania lays on a nearby bed naked embracing her female lover…. well, maybe it would be too soon for that.

    Have we got one of James Booth prominent at an intersection in Selma?
    How about a statue the size of the Lincoln Memorial of a black man hung by a tree branch with “whistled at a white woman” on the plaque?… or just “nigger”

    Let’s honor our “heritage”

  • Zyxomma

    Thanks, $5F. (I get a kick out of writing that, because without the dollar sign, that’s my apartment number.) If I could abandon my morals, ethics, and conscience, I’d apply for a job in the Ministry of Truth.

    • Fivedollarfeminist

      Thanks, Zyxomma! Have a lovely weekend!

      • Zyxomma

        You, too, $5F. I have a Shabbat Dinner at a friend’s home tonight, volunteer at the food bag program Sunday, and I’ll figure out something for Saturday (like read the great book I borrowed from the library). Monday’s the eclipse, and even though we’re only getting 70% in NYC, I’ll find somewhere nice to watch it. I’m thinking maybe the rooftop at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. Either that or one of the piers in Hudson River Park.

  • Bitter Scribe

    As Colbert said about the Forrest statue, if the Confederates couldn’t aim any better than that, no wonder they lost.

    (Also, what’s with that hole just above his left knee?)

    • Ian Bruce 伊恩·布鲁斯

      It’s an undisputed historical fact that Confederate officers used self-tapping ship screws to attach themselves to their horses (or greased lizards in Forrest’s case). The pain makes you wall-eyed — increasing peripheral vision for firing backwards during retreats.

    • ez

      A flesh wound. One that bleed so profusely that the Rivers turned red with blood, hence the historically super accurate depiction.

  • Internet Hitler
  • Jennaratrix

    I just… and the thing… GAH.

    That’s all I’ve got.

  • Hardly Ideal

    Forgive the nerd tangent, but I don’t need statues or monuments to remember what the Taiidan Empire did. When you glass an entire planet and all 300 million people living on it, that’s kind of hard to forget.
    http://i.imgur.com/ZktUuh0.gif
    Crush the statues and salt the earth with their dust.

  • MOG253

    Stop making me look at his ass!!!!

    • james crubb

      I just burnt my eyes out

  • Dinz6315

    “How would they know that? Were they there?”
    Were YOU there, you bugwit?
    Jesus Christ. What a moron.

  • The Ol’ Pussy Grabber pulls shit out of his ass… oh, that’s ambiguous… pulls a historical lie out of his ass to help promote one of his properties? Really? You don’t say? And people are surprised when he pulls more shit out of his ass when he feels the need?

  • M.E. Lawrence

    The Con could learn a thing or two about history from one of his pirate crew!

    http://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/controversy-over-confederate-statues-inspires-betsy-devos-to-google-civil-war

    Kind of seriously, did he cut history class every day? Did she? Do any of the Con’s supporters understand American history? Do they know why the Civil War was fought? WWII? I’m not sure this fine example of White American Manhood does (courtesy of the BBC and a fine lady in North Carolina):

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nSo1vqXFndg

    • VandeGraf

      Guy needs medical attention for that arthritic social finger.

  • John Lo
  • Lorindel Ó Loingsigh

    Hawhaw… that 25 ft fiberglass monstrosity looks like a Matt Groenig ironic representation of ITSELF. Can only conclude that the inner Kershaw must have hated HIMSELF.

  • VandeGraf

    Donald got his PhD in American Hystery Studies from Trump University. His dissertation was Famous Battles that Can Be Used in Branding. He barely passed because his footnoting was all bollixed up. But he aced the oral, giving outrageous, well, oral.

  • ez

    The light in the ‘fridge goes out when the door closes?

    Other than sticking an orphan in there for a few hours, how do they know. How Do They KNOW???

    • BFD

      The Phantom knows.

  • BFD

    Since when do the losers get to erect statues to the loser leaders in any freaking country other than the US/CSA. I believe the normal historical precedent is for the winners put up statues to their winning leaders in every goddam town in Loser Land. If the losers living there don’t like it, just shoot the fuckers. Normal precedent.

  • DC Madman

    So much to choose from, where does one stop? The Bonwit was demolished by non union Polish immigrants paid sub-minimum wage, no respiratory protection. Surely asbestos was included.

  • CSparks

    My husband and I long ago dubbed the fiberglass Forrest monstrosity “The Hamburglar”. It, and a local culture church are the only Middle TN *landmarks* our children ever saw us flip off, every time we passed. What’s troubling to many of us, is that it’s placement, by the interstate, surrounded by horrible flags, makes one think that tacky thing is a local government landmark of some sort. Instead, it is on the private land of some son of…the South, freeway adjacent. The local representative has appealed to the state transformation board to erect a wall (ironic, innit?) or create landscaping to otherwise obscure it. Until then, please know most locals find it as grotesque and ridiculous as you do, and the man, himself, reprehensible. And if you find yourself traveling through, and spot him in all his McDonaldland glory, please feel free to appropriate our salute, and teach your kids to do so, too.

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