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the look of relief

There is much news about special counsel Robert Mueller’s investigation into whether Donald Trump, his campaign, or any of his associates, had unnatural relations with Russia, but we’re not going to cover it. HEAR US OUT.

Sure, you might think it’s interesting that some low-level dingbat Trump campaign foreign policy adviser named George Papadopoulos spent his entire time with the campaign annoying Paul Manafort and others about setting up meetings with Russians (including Vladimir Putin, allegedly!), which, according to the Washington Post, is evidence that, if nothing else, “Russians were looking for entry points and playing upon connections with lower-level aides to penetrate the 2016 campaign,” which sounds not at all unlike the email chain that led Manafort, Donald Trump Jr., and Jared Kushner to take a fateful meeting at Trump Tower in June of 2016 with the entire population of Russia.

You might think it’s pertinent that the Daily Beast is reporting on a crazy, never-completed $850 million New York real estate deal involving Paul Manafort, a Vladimir Putin ally and a Ukrainian oligarch/organized crimer, that just reeks of money laundering. You might even think we should pick apart this investigation from Adam Davidson in The New Yorker, about a weird Trump Organization licensing deal with oligarchs in Georgia (the foreign one, not the “Designing Women” one) that just has F-R-A-U-D written all over it. About that one, Trump lawyer Jay Sekulow said specifically and on the record that if Robert Mueller starts digging into it, he’s prepared to file a complaint against Mueller with Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein.

Maybe we should look into those things. Except PFFFFFFFT you are wrong, because some dude at the American Thinker, a blog for wingnuts, has produced the seminal work on why the Trump-Russia investigation is a big hoax, which means we won’t have to cover this story anymore EVER AGAIN.

That is just obviously TRUE. In the criminal justice system, when a special counsel has literally no evidence, he goes to a judge and says, “Give me a warrant to break into some dude’s house in the middle of the night and rifle through his panty drawer FOR NO REASON.” And when the judge suggests doing “Knock Knock Motherfucker” during the day, the special counsel will say, “No, this will trick the fake news media into keeping the story going, and besides it just has more flair.” At which point the judge will usually reply, “Oh OK,” because the judge is part of the swamp Donald Trump promised to drain.

Just wrap your brain around this fucking #logic:

What’s an inside-the-Beltway swamp creature to do in this situation? […]

… [W]here to look for a crime? Where to find a technical violation? Where to find that piece of paperwork that was not properly filed?

Let’s dig into the 30-year portfolio of the man who represented the worst of the worst — Ferdinand Marcos, Jonas Savimbi, and Viktor Yanukovych, the deposed president of Ukraine.

That’s Paul Manafort, but unfortunately for Mueller, he is cooperating openly with the Congressional Russia investigation.

The swamp is not going to let witness cooperation become an obstacle.

Raid his house, knock on his bedroom door on a sleepy morning, scare the heck out of him and his family, and show him the swamp means business. The drama alone makes the story interesting.

THE DRAMA!

Jay Valentine, whose first tour de force for the American Thinker is a 2009 piece entitled “Sarah Palin, the 21st Century ‘It’ Girl” (how’s that for evidence this dude has his finger inside the zeitgeist?), explains that Robert Mueller, the Republican former FBI director and one of the most respected public servants in all of Christendom, only took the special counsel job because it gave him “the chance to overturn an epic election mistake by uninformed American deplorables and be the darling of the swamp for a generation.” How could Mueller reject being this generation’s America’s Next Top Swamp Darling?

But when Mueller got going, according to Valentine, he looked behind the refrigerator and down in the basement, but there was NO EVIDENCE. He knows this for several reasons:

  • Uh, you do not get to blog for the American Thinker if you are not A Expert? Come on, guys.
  • Mueller is investigating Manafort’s fucked up business dealings (and maybe money laundering!) with Russian and Ukrainian crimers, which means he obviously came up dry on Trump-Russia stuff. It’s definitely not because he’s in the process of getting Manafort to flip. Remember, this is the American Thinker blog, which features AMERICANS who THINK.
  • Seth Rich. No, fucking seriously, Seth Rich.
  • Something Seymour Hersh said, which is sad, because Hersh used to be an amazing investigative reporter, but things have really gone downhill with him the past few years. We’re still waiting with bated breath for part two of his investigation on Obama staging the Osama bin Laden raid, just in case Hersh is able to exclusively report that Bamz and Hillary faked killing bin Laden to cover up #PizzaGate.
  • That incoherent, insane thing The Nation published, that “proves” the 2016 DNC hack was faked, except for how it “proves” no such thing. Insert #PizzaGate joke about The Nation here too, because these days we wouldn’t be all that surprised. (WHICH IS SAD.)

Not convinced yet? Is that not enough incontrovertible evidence Robert Mueller is at a dead end, and is just making up shit so he can stay onstage and sing and dance a while longer? Good thing Jay Valentine, American Thinker, saved the best for last, then! He says we can know with certainty that the entire Trump-Russia investigation is a hoax, because here’s why:

If Mueller had anything, his team would perform the honorable leftist action and properly leak it to the Washington Post and New York Times.

This dude just really knows how stuff works, and you can’t fool him.

Thanks to his painstaking work on this blog post (his ELEVENTH for the American Thinker in just NINE YEARS, so don’t go thinking this is his first rodeo, you dicks), Wonkette won’t get fooled NO MORE NEITHER.

Wonkette salaries are fully paid by lovely souls like you! If you love us, click below to pay us some money!

[American Thinker]

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    • MrTusks

      If I can’t trust a guy named Tom Hamburger, who can I trust??

  • memzilla Ω

    Knock knock.
    Who’s there?
    FBI.
    FBI who?
    We’ll ask the questions here, sir.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Unless you’re blah, in which case they just shoot you and say you were uncooperative.

  • Oblios_Cap

    For a site named American Thinker, there certainly doesn’t seem to be any of those there.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Sigh. Unfortunately, they’re all actual Americans.

  • jodyleek

    “Sarah Palin – 21st Century “It” Girl.”
    Yes, I think Stephen King wrote a whole book about her.

  • Zonath

    Where does George Papadopoulos find the time to serve the White House and play foster dad to a precocious black orphan?

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/93a556ac147094c12c6e70f71e13d873000abdb74eaed1605cc4244f0cf83987.jpg

    • Blackest Noobs

      but didnt the orphan grow up changed his name to Barry and his birth certificate to Kenya i mean Hawaii?

  • Yeah. Judges are well known for approving early morning search raids of rich, well-connected, white people on no evidence at all.

    • weejee

      Because white and rich.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      And because a witness is “cooperative” they’re not also trying to conceal their own crimes.

      • trog69

        Do they remember nothing of our history? Every suspect in “Columbo” claimed to be excessively cooperative.

  • Ducksworthy

    Glad that’s over. It was getting pretty scary. I mean, I was starting to think that the President of the United States was a Russian stooge and a made guy in the Russian Mafiya. So, perhaps also a murderous thug and a traitor. Whew!

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    Oh yes we have that too. I almost forgot with all this 2nd civil war and the North Korean gangnam dancing going on.

    • JoeChristmas

      Bleeding from her whatever!

  • armed_bears

    Throw enough feathers in the air and, at some point, 50.0001% of america will conclude “Fuck it, there really IS a chicken in every pot.” and tune out. We need to have a sense of urgency here, Mueller. Mueller? Mueller?

  • Villago Delenda Est

    My name is Jay Valentine, and I am a total loser and moran.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      You’re too kind.

    • Major_Major_Major

      Don’t sell yourself short, Jay. You are also a colossal fuckwit.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    RWNJ’s don’t do lojick very gud.

    • Blanche Beecham

      When faced with fear, ambiguity and doubt,
      Run in circles,
      Kick and shout.

      – “How to Win at Winning When Losing to Liberals” RWNJ Anonymous

  • therblig

    amazing how he typed that palin article with one hand.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    If Mueller had anything, his team would perform the honorable leftist action and properly leak it to the Washington Post and New York Times.

    Because prosecutors usually tip off possible defendants about their strategy?

    • Apparently there’s, like, a dozen people in the federal government who aren’t leftists.

      • Major_Major_Major

        Those are the Never Trump, RINOcucks, amirite?

  • Crystalclear12

    Reporting from Egypt, are they?
    By a river, perhaps?

    • proudgrampa

      A Flood of Denial.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      /googles ‘rivers in Egypt’

    • Querolous

      Reporting from Alaska, are they?
      By a mountain, perhaps?

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Evan, the sneer in tour de force jumped off the page, opened the door, and rushed outside after my cat.

    Superb! Brilliant!

    • armed_bears

      A tour de force, in fact.

  • Joe Beese

    This may be the most pro-Trump Russiagate story ever to appear in a major paper. Turns out a low-level Trump foreign policy advisor named George Papadopoulos tried to set up meetings between the campaign and Russian officials starting last March, before Trump had even clinched the nomination. Annnnnnd … some of the campaign’s major players, including Paul Manafort, just weren’t interested. Not only weren’t they interested, they were mindful of proper protocol: At least one advisor noted that meetings with a foreign state would raise Logan Act questions while another mentioned that U.S. allies should be notified before any Russia meetings happened.

    WaPo does its best to shoehorn this news into the collusion narrative, noting that this proves the Russian government was eager early on to make contact with Team Trump, but the resulting disinterest within the campaign is so helpful to the president politically that you end up suspecting this was leaked to WaPo by the White House itself. Or by sources friendly to Trump.

    http://hotair.com/archives/2017/08/14/wapo-emails-show-trump-campaign-officials-rejecting-opportunities-meet-russia-2016/

    • Villago Delenda Est

      This is a desperate attempt to djin up an exculpatory explanation for all this, when we already know that Junior and Manafort were at the meeting about “adoption.”

      • Joe Beese

        Yes, all this could show is that Papa Dop’s particular efforts at matchmaking failed to set the campaign on fire. Junior’s later meeting proves that there were many ways to skin a cat.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Eleven articles in 9 years? That’s my kind of job.

    • weejee

      But which kind? Definite articles, indefinite articles, proper articles, partitive articles, negative articles, or the mostest bestest zero articles?

      • chicken thief

        That’s what I’ll tackle first. In a few months….

        And Oblios-Cap: I shoulda read down.

        • Oblios_Cap

          GMTA

  • Yellerduck

    Just spitballin’ here, but I think this guy’s brain may be somewhat muddled.

    • Ricky Gay

      He is a Mojito of derp

  • DerrickWildcat

    Hannity will have him on as a guest real quick.

    • proudgrampa

      Fersure.

    • chicken thief

      I dunno. Can anything interrupt his laser like focus on the crimes of Hillary having an email server?

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    I’ve written two articles for American Thinker.

    A
    The

    • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

      Definitely funny.

    • Oblios_Cap

      You haven’t really lived until you have dangled a participle in front of them.

  • Scooby

    Thier icon looks like Uncle Sam taking a crap.

  • Joshua Norton

    Who is this ass clown? And when does he get appointed to Trump’s cabinet?

    • proudgrampa

      I nominate him for the WH Communications Director job…

  • Ricky Gay
    • Villago Delenda Est

      Also American Tweeter.

    • calliecallie

      That reflection in the mirror is a nice touch.

      • Ricky Gay

        Practicing Projection…

      • puredog

        I do hope the fellow remembers to pull down the undies shown in the mirror before he lets fly.

    • TheGrandWazoo2

      “You almost done in there Mr. Bannon, the meeting is about to start.”

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        Bannon would be leaning over the bowl post-movement, with spoon in hand.

    • Blanche Beecham

      Fake Picture! Why is that man on the toilet not tweeting or reweeting or reading his r/AmericanThinker comment responses on reddit?

      • Ricky Gay

        One of his deepest thoughts has become impacted?

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “Why is a good man like Donald Trump surrounded by so many hoaxes?”
    — A Trumpkin

    • Villago Delenda Est

      “It’s those bad, bad men around the Führer, giving him bad advice!”

      • MynameisBlarney

        “Who knew invading Russia during winter equipped with gear for warmer weather would be so hard?”

        • Villago Delenda Est

          “You could have asked me about that” – N. Bonaparte

        • Msgr_MΩment

          HITLER!!

    • Suttree

      People hate him because he is so successful.

  • Joe Beese

    Tonight I’m going to have a nightmare about Jay Sekulow filing a complaint about me with my boss.

  • DrBigHead

    If mental gymnastics were an Olympic event, we would be looking at a gold medal performance here

  • Raid his house, knock on his bedroom door on a sleepy morning, scare the heck out of him and his family, and show him the swamp means business. The drama alone makes the story interesting.

    If the raid was about “drama” then why was it kept secret and we didn’t hear about it until a month later.
    https://media1.giphy.com/media/3o6wrobv1Y2e6VXyco/giphy_s.gif

    Shot blocked

    • OneYieldRegular

      It’s “fifth wall” drama. Rather than using the audience as part of the play, you eliminate the audience altogether.

  • Suttree

    Do all of these nutjobs drink from the same water fountain, where the fluoride has been switched out for LSD?

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Water fountains are socialism anyway. My guess is that they are drinking expired Bud Lite.

    • Vincent Ricola

      I wish my water had LSD. I’m stuck with unhealthy lead levels and a strange brownish color. Boo.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    American Thinker has to be the least honest title for a publication since it was discovered that Reader’s Digest is inedible.

    • Rags

      Don’t you get it? Soylent Green is Readers!!!!

    • AJ Milne

      Still, with a little hot sauce, it’s probably preferable to reading it.

  • chicken thief

    Fuck. I want me a jerb where I can do something like every ten months or so…

    • Villago Delenda Est

      That’s wingnut welfare for you.

    • BadKitty904

      Run for Congress on the Republican ticket…

      • jesterpunk

        Then you could do nothing for 2 – 6 years depending if you are in the house or senate.

        • BadKitty904

          ‘Cept for maybe a lil’ collu$ion here and a lil’ trea$on there…

  • Bill D. Burger
  • jesterpunk

    A message for the American “Thinker” writers.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LFSyQEWAVl0

    • Villago Delenda Est

      The truth hurts.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • BadKitty904

    OT: Sounds like one of the GOP’s biggest $cams is also reeking of fail…

    Poll: Support for Charters Drops Markedly Over Past Year
    http://www.mcclatchydc.com/news/politics-government/national-politics/article167235132.html

    About 39 percent of respondents favor opening more charters — schools that are funded by public money, but usually operated independently of school districts — according to the survey by Education Next, a journal published by Harvard’s Kennedy School and Stanford University. That’s down from 51 percent last year.

    • Cool_North

      Too late, Betsy is in charge now. Or, for now.

      • BadKitty904

        Ye$, $he i$. For now.

  • elviouslyqueer

    What? No mention of Hillary’s emails? Sloppy work, Jay Valentine! Sloppy!

  • Major_Major_Major

    Jay, do you have a certificate?
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RWc8JKVm28E

  • AnnieGetYerFun
  • Vincent Ricola

    I’m so tired of living in a wingnut conspiracy blog.

  • chicken thief

    Sorry, I’m giving this “logical thought” treatise only a 4/10. Needs moar Half Term Gov word salad.

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      I give it a 5/7.

      • Major_Major_Major

        That was some brilliant trolling

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        I’m thinking 3%…

  • OneYieldRegular

    Hunhwhat? I thought Sarah Palin was the 21st Century “Quit” girl.

  • Treg Brown

    “Sarah Palin, the 21st Century ‘It’ Girl”

    Did he mean “Sarah Palin, the 21st Century Patient Zero?

    • TundraGrifter

      She’ll always be “Duh Gov'” to me.

      • jesterpunk

        She is the leader of the “Derp State” though.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        The “duh” gov.

    • BearWithPreExistingVotes

      Gaetan Dugas libelz!

  • Antonin Dvorak

    OT: SCIENCE!

    Chimpanzees can learn how to play the game rock-paper-scissors about as well as a 4-year-old human child, a new study finds.

    https://www.livescience.com/60134-chimps-learn-to-play-rock-paper-scissors.html?utm_source=notification

  • Bill D. Burger

    Just put the title of that Rightie site up against an irony meter….and …always happens:

    http://www.americanthinker.com/assets/images/at-logo.gif

    http://i2.wp.com/www.votersopinion.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/Extreme-Irony.gif

  • jesterpunk

    Oh good we have a new purity troll in the Hillary thread.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Don’t these idiots know that was YESTERDAY’S hot thing? Today is TODAY!

      • jesterpunk

        No they really dont, and any time a Hillary post is posted they crawl out of the sewer to offer their “opinion” for why she is the worst thing ever.

    • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

      Purity trolls suck. I miss the Cruzites and Jebophiles.

      • Vincent Ricola

        Paultards FTW.

        • jesterpunk

          They are at least fun to play with for a while.

      • Eileen Besse

        Guess I’ll hafta go watch while it’s still around….

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      I had a couple of exchanges with it. I tried to be somewhat civil, but I am all out of patience for that.
      “This is a bad time, because people’s feelings are raw”
      “That makes it a really good time!”
      Asshole. Blocked.

      • jesterpunk

        This is a new one that just showed up a few minutes ago to say something about Hillary helped credit card companies over welfare moms.

        • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

          Because Bernie never had anything to do with large donors ever ever. Part of being an adult is realizing that things are complicated

          • jesterpunk

            Well yeah, but we cant expect them to understand any of that. Bless their little hearts.

        • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

          i’m just drunk and tired enough to engage.

          • jesterpunk

            Have fun, I am not really in the mood for dealing with their stupid shit this week. Its the user with 6666 in their name.

    • Alan

      What’s a purity troll?

      • jesterpunk

        Purity pony, one of the people who think anyone to the left of Saint Bernie of Sanders is evil and worse then Trump.

        • TJ Barke

          Shouldn’t that be to the right?

          • jesterpunk

            Yeah it should be, fixed it. Thanks for catching that.

        • Alan

          I can’t keep track of the lingo.

  • TundraGrifter

    It’s called “American Thinker” because nobody over there is one.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Yup! More of an ad FOR one rather than a header statement.

    • Cool_North

      They had no room left for the question mark

  • SnarkON

    Well, I’m convinced.

  • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

    “Raid his house, knock on his bedroom door on a sleepy morning, scare the heck out of him and his family, and show him the swamp means business. The drama alone makes the story interesting.”

    I’m a white dude, but I have a feeling a lot of people of color have thoughts on this.

  • MOG253

    Oh, my head, trying to bend my brain around that word salad. Do. You think Valentine is on mind altering drugs? Or should be?

    • Jim QuinnX

      Maybe we should stage an intervention?

  • Cosmopolitan John
  • Beowoof14

    Aren’t there laws against lying in advertising? Really, American Thinker, biggest lie so far today (Haven’t heard anything from Trump yet).

  • LesBontemps

    I can’t believe you read that, then summarized it, then made me read your summary. YOU MONSTER!

  • SayItWithWookies

    One of the great things about being a Trump fan – the facts always fit the narrative – it’s just a matter of finding out how.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      It’s just a matter of making them up.

      • TundraGrifter

        Hey – Anybody can deal with facts. It takes imagination and practice to just make this shit up.

  • marxalot

    “American Thinker”
    I’m picturing, like, a Rodin, only without a head. Or maybe sitting on a toilet.

    • President in Exile Firefly

      Trump on the toilet with his phone.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        “The Stinker”

        • Querolous

          Auguste Rodin was a frenchie so it would be “Le Stinker.”

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            Le Stinkeur, if you’re going to be all technical about it.

    • TundraGrifter

      The Thinker is trying to remember where he left his clothes.

      [Old New Yorker cartoon.]

    • Bobathonic

      How about a Rodan without a head?

    • Swampgas_Man

      “American Stinker”.

    • Bobathonic
    • BearWithPreExistingVotes

      Elvis libelz!

  • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

    You can be a lifelong Republican, FBI director for 10 years, and be interviewed by Trump AGAIN for FBI director the day before you are chosen to be special prosecutor by the Assistant Attorney General, and still be part of the swamp.
    A triple somersault with a twist, but didn’t stick the landing. Sad.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Remember: in Trumpland, competency = swampy.

      • TJ Barke

        Not being totally obedient to Trump also, too = swampy

    • Covfefe

      How do you square investigating Donald with loyalty?

  • MynameisBlarney
  • AnnieGetYerFun

    I though all of Manafort’s family had abandoned him. Or did he buy a new one that was subsequently scared by the raid?

  • mancityRed6

    American Thinker is on par with The Federalist for articles that make me say “what in the ever loving fuck is wrong” with the author.

  • Jenny

    Oh god my boss is always reading American Thinker.

    They don’t need dick jokes because their readership is nothing but dicks.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    All the points, just for properly writing “bated breath” on the Internet.

  • chazmanr

    They can write this shit, because their idiot consumers will not hold them to account when they turn out to be wrong again, as usual, for the 10 gazillionth fucking time even as the entire Trump administration is being perp-walked out of the White House.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    I’ve been thinking along these same lines for a while. Beutler lays it out far more completely and logically:

    https://newrepublic.com/article/144323/just-might-stuck-donald-trump

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Likely. Trump’s brand will be in tatters. What are the chances of duh Congress flipping in 2018?

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        The House very likely. The Senate will be a lot tougher.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Both by 2020, methinks, unless President Pence restores a semblance of sanity to the administration. (Be careful what you wish for – his policies will be equally terrible, and will please the GOP’s dumbfuck christofascist base.)

  • TundraGrifter

    “…how’s that for evidence this dude has his finger inside the zeitgeist?..”

    Is that what the youngs are calling it these days? Whatever happened to old fashioned finger banging? Young ladies don’t seem to be wearing hose or stockings anymore.

    • BearWithPreExistingVotes

      It’s far better than having a finger in the weltschmerz, I’ll tell you that.

  • President in Exile Firefly

    American Thinker :: jumbo shrimp :: military music

    • Querolous

      American Thinker :: jumbo shrimp :: military music :: Microsoft Works

  • CP

    We need to really stir things up by bringing back the Wonkbot to accuse someone of making a blood libel.

  • BearLeft

    Obviously there cannot be anything there, according to Genius-Boy Valentine, because “he is cooperating openly,” apparently unaware that most scumbags transporting pounds of cocaine are busted after they consent to a search of their vehicles. QEfuckingD. I guess they don’t teach that in Thinking Voc-Tech.

    • Bobathonic

      Cooperating with Congress is not like cooperating with a criminal investigation.

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    Well, clearly, if there was collusion, they wouldn’t all be in on it, would they!….

    • TundraGrifter

      I never thought of that!

  • TundraGrifter

    Weren’t the financial reports of Mr. Mueller and his team recently released? Didn’t these make it clear that Mr. Mueller gave up millions of dollars in future income to take on the very important task of Special Counsel?

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      Soros has already funneled millions more to a secret offshore bank account, don’cha know.

      • MynameisBlarney

        SorosAmeroBitCoins!

        • TJ Barke

          Libcoins.

  • Mavenmaven

    I believe that Jay Valentine is really an actor, probably Alinsky-Jewish, paid by Soros to write this in order to lull Trump into complacency so that he won’t defend himself against THE SWAMP.

  • TJ Barke

    And the bronze in mental gymnastics goes to…

  • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

    fuuuuuck – the TX mom is inviting door-to-door evangelicals in…grrr.

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      i really really really wanna blast a Propagandhi song that repeats “fuck religion” 14 times in a row (yes, I counted).

      • jesterpunk

        If you answer the door dressed all in black playing Black Sabbath or Manson they tend to run away.

        • MynameisBlarney

          Especially if one answers the door sans clothing.

          • jesterpunk

            Isnt that how a more then a few porn videos start?

          • LesBontemps

            Will have to defer to your expertise, but I would hope so.

          • jesterpunk

            I heard that from a friend, yeah that’s my story and I am sticking to it.

          • MynameisBlarney

            LOL
            I my case it would be the worst pr0n video ever made.

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          I used to get a lot of Mormons at my door. They stopped when I started offering them beer, Cousin Eddie-style.

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            usually, the mormons around here only speak spanish, so it’s not an issue.

          • UncleTravelingMatt

            Right. Got to convert those Catholics.

      • TJ Barke

        Or Best God in Show or Blasphemy, the Victimless Crime.

        • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

          best god in show is good – if a little wordy.

          ; P

          • TJ Barke

            Or the one with the “where is your god now?” Line.

      • Bobathonic

        Dead Kennedys Religious Vomit

        or

        XTC’s Dear God

      • BearWithPreExistingVotes

        Hopefully those evangelists weren’t pre-teen McCarthyists also too.

      • NastyBossetti
      • Snark Tank Full of Resistance
    • TJ Barke

      Just make a show of giving an offering to Baal.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      She’s not serving elderberry wine, is she?

      • I should have scrolled down…damnit!

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          Eh, don’t beat yourself up. Most comment sections, nobody would get that reference.

      • eggs ackly-wright

        Off to Panama!

      • BearWithPreExistingVotes

        No, that’s Dad. Mother is a hamster.

    • h4rr4r

      Have fun with them.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum
      • h4rr4r

        Why do you have my cat?

        • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

          A standard issue black cat, with a few quirks, as you can see.

      • eggs ackly-wright

        White Fang lurks.

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      they didn’t come in…but mom makes friends with everybody.

      So, unless she converted in the last five minutes, they went away without a new soul, but happy.

      ; )

    • The Librarian

      I have two signs by my door that basically say no soliciting and no religious nonsense need knock. They still do it. Grrrrr, as well.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        They don’t want to. Their pastor makes them do it…

        • The Librarian

          I can say that they are unfailingly polite and leave when I point to my signs.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Invite them in, offer them gin or a little meth…

      • Major_Major_Major

        Ask them if they prefer sheep or goat porn.

        • LesBontemps

          Wait, there’s a choice?

          • BearWithPreExistingVotes

            Wait, one HAS to choose?

          • Major_Major_Major

            IMHO, an obvious one but I won’t judge you filthy goat fanciers. Preverts, the lot of ya.

    • BadKitty904

      Sic Bastard Cat on ’em!

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        well, the TX mom beat me to the door and they had a pleasant chat and (a bunch of christian stuff) they’re gone.

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        p.s. bastard cat was sleeping…

        • (Aka: is a cat)

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            lol, they actually do seem to stand guard at her door on a rotation system.

            (P.S. I Walked out the other night and caught the 3 of them sitting a foot apart in the hallway…like they were having a meeting of some kind. It was fuckin’ creeeeeeepy. And it’s the SECOND time I’ve caught them doing it).

          • BadKitty904

            Move along…nothing that concerns you here…

          • The second time you CAUGHT them. They are now advanced enough in their plans that your catching them no longer matters

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            honestly, friend, I swear, when I walked out, they all kinda suddenly looked down and away and said, “oh…hey. It’s you.”
            then slowly dispersed.

            “uh, yeah, I was just going out to pee.”
            “yeah, I need some kibble.”

          • Serai 1
          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            rofl, ayup!

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            seriously friend, yeah, it kinda looked like that.

          • Serai 1

            LOL. We can house these deadly predators only because they’re tiny.

          • BadKitty904

            “like”?

          • BadKitty904

            HEY!!1!

        • BadKitty904

          Guess his shift was over…

      • Oblios_Cap

        Spoken like a truly bad kitty.

    • There is always the classic Elderberry wine laced with….excitement and the Panama Canal solution?

      • BadKitty904
        • Serai 1

          When you say others, you mean… OTHERS???

          Holy shit, still one of the best line deliveries ever. Laugh out loud every damn time.

          • BadKitty904

            That film is brilliant from start to finish – the cast is phenomenal.

          • Serai 1

            Such a script. Comedy rarely gets as enjoyable as this. (It’s a staple of school plays, too.) The cast is wonderful, although it’s a pity they couldn’t get Boris Karloff. He did the role on Broadway in the original production, and the play was such a hit it got sold right away, so when the movie started filming, he was still doing the play. Massey does do a great job, though. He and Lorre are like a Haunted House Mutt and Jeff.

          • BadKitty904

            Amen!!! And very true, in re: Karloff – the “he looks like that guy in the movies – Boris Karloff!” line is completely lost if you don’t already know that Karloff played the role of Jonathan in the stage production.

            Lorre also had a gift for comedy that I wish he’d made more use of…

    • BearWithPreExistingVotes

      I’d invite those Mormon boys in… if God would ever SEND any!

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        i tell ya what, you wanna end a conversation with mormons right quick, tell them you’re an atheist.

        I learned that at a bus stop in austin a few years ago.

        The reponse will mostly likely be, “oh”
        with a face like you just farted and they know it was you.

        • Suttree

          Yup. I have done that. They couldn’t run away from my door quick enough.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Ask them if you can talk about atheism. “Have you heard the bad news?” Or, “Have you found Jesus? I haven’t because he’s been dead for two thousand fucking years.”

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        i kinda wanted to – but TX mom is nominally christian and sweet and friendly to strangers.

        And the strangers seemed all right. She said they were pretty cool about the whole thing.

    • Sophia

      I used to let the Mormons in all the time so we could try and convert each other. It was actually kind of interesting however no conversions ever occurred.

      • Serai 1

        Talking to religious door-knockers used to be a hobby of mine. I used to love discussing religion with strangers when it came up. But that was a long time ago, back before the whole subject started getting nasty and divisive. Too bad, too – I had some great conversations with people on the subject.

  • (((fka_donnie_d)))

    Sarah Palin, the 21st Century ‘It’ Girl full of it.

  • The Librarian

    I read The Nation piece and I’ve never read such nonsensical garbage in my life (and I’ve read plenty!). It was as if The Onion was parodying The Nation without the laffs. Sad, indeed.

  • beingreleased

    Just a reminder, the people who support Trump have been around a while. From around 1982:
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/d7ea8339eb858ff1118c4a0412f0d81af76f0d063adec42f41433cde672be845.gif

  • ManchuCandidate

    This is logic from someone who watched an episode of Law and Order and now thinks they can sit in the Supreme Court.

  • Joe Beese

    Dead Breitbart, with pure journalistic dynamite!

    Report: Charlottesville Racist Leader Was Former Occupy Activist, Obama Supporter

    • TJ Barke

      And clearly he’s neither of those things anymore…

      • BadKitty904

        “Both sides…something…”EMAILS!1!”

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      That’s nice. I was also a former eater of Taco Bell, not to mention a fan of How I Met Your Mother. Things change, not-at-all-brightbart.

      • wait! what?

        I’d rewatch “Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pizza Place” if it came on. But only beacuse everything I do is obviously a reflection of everything I’ve done.

        • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

          Much the same way as I’d listen to an off-brand 8 track player with my brand, spankin old copy of Frampton Comes Alive because I have always been all I once was.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      Apparently he felt Donald Trump better reflected his views. I really don’t see how this helps, but then I’m not very good at understanding assholes at the best of times.

    • SayItWithWookies

      And clearly he was the only “racist leader” there.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      “Former” being the operative word. I guess “was” means “is” in wingnuttese.
      (As in, the GOP “is” the party of Lincoln.)

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Richard Spencer was an Obama supporter? I mean, he is their fucking leader.

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      this from the same wing who incorrectly called the challenger murderer…yeah, color me skeptical.

    • jowgajen

      But did you hear Hillary’s minister committed plagary?

  • BadKitty904
    • jesterpunk

      Its all one big coincidence.

    • wait! what?

      Looks like a dick rodeo to me.

      • Bobathonic

        At least a sausage party would have sauerkraut.

        • wait! what?

          …and baklava gang bang just sounds sticky.

          • Bobathonic

            I am intrigued regardless.

        • ‘Liberty Cabbage’!

      • BadKitty904

        Except for the “Looks like”.

      • LesBontemps
        • wait! what?

          Lol! If you want a saddle you have to order the uncut version.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Fake news! Fake news! Failing New York Times! Terrible CNN! Biased Amazon Wasington Post!
      (Mouthbreating Trumpanzees nod, slackjawed.)

    • therblig

      “Oh, RUSSIA! We thought you were asking about the USSR.” – Trumpy Gang

      • BadKitty904

        Or Prussia. Yeah, PRUSSIA!

  • BadKitty904
  • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

    Are these dumbasses still pretending like Trump if draining swamps?

    • TJ Barke

      He’s gotten rid of most of the competent civil servants that actually know how to govern.

      • BadKitty904

        Under Putin’s direction.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Nah, they’ve moved on to pretending he’s finally standing up to North Korea.

  • BadKitty904
  • proudgrampa

    These people are so dumb they couldn’t even play eMinor on the guitar.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b0c1fe9921bd6517419ec0a0666b0342e839ba647931f6a8d51a5ef41cd20266.gif

    • Oblios_Cap

      I use a different version of the chord. 2nd fret , middle and 4th finger on the A and D strings.

      • proudgrampa

        Guitar snob!!! ;-)

        (Actually, I play it the same way!)

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        i was thinking that looked too goddamn easy for an Em, but it’s been awhile.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Is this some version of open-string tuning?…

  • geoffalnutt

    *Phew!!* I don’t even know where the russia is. No, really!

  • Favourite part: “Georgia (the foreign one, not the Designing Women one)”

    I am enjoying some daytime Wonking

  • bookish

    http://nbcnews.to/2x0Mpxv

    A new report estimates banning transgender service members would set the U.S. back $960 million, challenging President Donald Trump’s pro-ban argument about “the tremendous medical costs” associated with permitting transgender people to serve in the military.

    The report, co-authored by the Palm Center and current and retired professors at the Naval Postgraduate School, estimates the cost to replace transgender service members would be 100 times greater than current estimates for the annual cost of providing them transition-related care.

    http://www.palmcenter.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/cost-of-firing-trans-troops.pdf

    • TJ Barke

      Why am I not shocked?

      • Suttree

        Because nothing that comes from these traitors is shocking anymore?

    • OrG in London

      It’s not about the money.

      • jesterpunk

        http://68.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m7epswNJde1rziwwco1_400.gif

        Its about pandering to the base he has left.

      • miss_grundy

        It is about cutting off your nose to spite your face. Why spend around $6 million dollars a year providing services for transgender armed forces personnel when you can boot them out and then spend $960 million to replace them. Who knew math could be so hard?

        • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

          No nose, no face. It’s pure hatred, that’s all. Who cares how much it costs. It cost the Nazis a lot to build those concentration camps, but they didn’t care.

        • Longstreet63

          It may also be about who ends up with that $960 million.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    If Mueller had anything, his team would perform the honorable leftist action and properly leak it to the Washington Post and New York Times.

    Donald’s White House staffers are leftists now? Thanks for the update!

    • kareemachan

      Well, he already admitted there WAS a Russian thing going on…

  • OrG in London

    All righty then. Case closed.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    That’s Paul Manafort, but unfortunately for Mueller, he is cooperating openly with the Congressional Russia investigation.

    I’m sure he is.

    Trey Gowdy: There’s no collusion, right?
    Manafort: Right
    Gowdy: And this is just the Democrats having sour grapes?
    Manafort: Yep.
    Gowdy: Would you say it’s time to close this mater and get back to Hillary’s emails?
    Manafort: That sounds like a great idea.
    Gowdy: Thank you for your cooperation, sorry we don’t have time for more questions.

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      More like:
      Trey: There’s no collusion, right?
      Manafort: No, there was outright collusion, repeatedly.
      Trey: Okay, so no collusion. This is just the Democrats having sour grapes!
      Manafort: No, the Democrats are correct, we colluded with the Russians, hacked the election, and Hillary Clinton is the rightful president.
      Trey: Oh, so there’s a GOOD reason to get back to her emails!
      Manafort: No, that was a complete invention on our part, just one part of our evildoing.
      Trey: Great! So we’ll investigate her emails!

  • miss_grundy

    Do you get the feeling that this Jay Valentine has never seen an episode of “Law and Order”? A judge is not going to issue a “no-knock” subpoena or any subpoena unless the petitioner has probable cause or reasoning to request it. But I guess episodes of “L & O” are too hard to follow for your average RWNJ.

    • jesterpunk

      But in right wing nutosphere anything negative for Trump is the result of the Derp state being against him.

    • OrG in London

      It just shows how deep the Liberal Conspiracy goes.

    • proudgrampa
      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        NOLO seems like a really bad name for your law book company.

        #LawJokes.

        • BearWithPreExistingVotes

          Doesn’t seem to have hurt ’em. They’re a contender, eh?

      • miss_grundy

        Back when I worked as a circulation librarian in a law school, NOLO and the Nutshell texts were really popular with the students.

  • Bemused Australian

    No no! The Papadopoulos emails disprove the entire notion that any collusion took place. Fox News told me so.

    On a more serious note, of course the fumblings of some dipshit staffer aren’t going to be part of any interactions. No sensible person would trust Mr Papadopoulos to make toast, let alone handle their communication with a bunch of Russians. Sad.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      George Papadopolis? That meeting was just about adoption! Have you seen Webster? Cute as a button! Anyone would take that meeting to adopt him. And if they can get dirt on Hillary at the same time, so much the better.

      • Bemused Australian

        Very true. Time for a congressional Star Chamber to be established for the purpose of looking into the real crimes. Benghazi, and Seth Rich, and so forth.

      • Boscoe

        Besides, I’m sure “Papadopolis” was just a failed Jew actor dressed up like an alt-right dipshit. Just ask Alex Jones!

    • wait! what?

      Papadopotoast sounds kinda good.

    • laughingnome

      Beware of Greeks bearing offers to link with Russians.

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      I have to resort to calling him Papa George because there is no way in hell I’ll ever remember how to spell his name.

    • Sophia

      Wouldn’t surprise me if said dipshit was used as a cover so everyone could say “you don’t have to look any further, nothing happened.”

    • Boscoe

      Besides, they already had Manafort and Jr. handling that. Snotnose suck-up upstart punk was stealing their best riffs…

  • Relativicus

    Just a quick reminder that when they speak of The Swamp, they are not talking about the influence of Big Money in our system of government. They are referring to the government itself.

    Also, to be fair to Americans Who Think, if there’s one distinguishing feature of the Trump-Russia investigation it’s Mueller’s constant show-boating and mugging for any camera in sight.

  • BadKitty904

    OT: Full credit to jesterpunk, down thread…

    Ivanka Trump Vacationing with Putin’s Rumored Girlfriend
    http://thehill.com/blogs/in-the-know/in-the-know/291465-ivanka-trump-vacationing-with-putins-rumored-girlfriend

    • jesterpunk

      It’s all a big coincidence, there are a lot of them for some reason. Who here hasn’t gone on vacation and run into someone connected to Putin?

      • BadKitty904

        Funny how that happens. But not “ha-ha” funny.

    • jowgajen

      Very hard for Ivanka to find like minded friends these days.

      • BadKitty904

        Outside of the Kremlin.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      “Oh, and Don wanted me to pass you this note for Vladi – do you mind?”…

      • BadKitty904

        ..something about ‘lunch codes’…

  • Lori S

    Awesome article, as usual! I especially love your take-down of The Nation, aka Bernie Bro Nation.

    • Les Appentis De la résistance

      They endorsed Hillary.

  • bookish

    Thought crimes.

    https://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2017/08/department-of-justice-dreamhost-trump-visitor-logs-million-ip/536886/

    “No plausible explanation exists for a search warrant of this breadth, other than to cast a digital dragnet as broadly as possible,” said Mark Rumold, a senior staff attorney at the Electronic Frontier Foundation, in a blog post. The EFF is assisting DreamHost in its opposition to the warrant.

    “The Fourth Amendment was designed to prohibit fishing expeditions like this. Those concerns are especially relevant here, where [the Department of Justice] is investigating a website that served as a hub for the planning and exercise of First Amendment–protected activities,” he said.

  • laughingnome

    Finger inside the zeitgeist. Is that what kids are calling it these days?

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      I laughed out loud at that. Brilliant turn of phrase.

      • laughingnome

        Yeah, Evan rocks with the language.

        • Bobathonic

          He has the best words.

          • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

            He’s getting recognized more and more lately.

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        I Iaughed until I stopped.

        Seriously, though, that was damned funny.

  • Joe Beese

    Even speaking as a man, I want to have Charles P. Pierce’s baby.

    My god, look at them run away from this guy. It’s astonishing. I’ve always felt that the loyalty of America’s corporate class to anything except profits could be knocked over by a gentle breeze, but this looks like a Category 5 panic. Apparently, the events in Charlottesville over the weekend, and the president’s meat-headed responses to them, has sent our American oligarchs screaming into the streets. Merck? Gone. Intel? Adios. Under Armour? Au revoir. And now this latest refugee. By the time this is over, the president may only have Russian oligarchs to hang with.

    This has to be a kick in the head. After all, before he styled himself as anything else, the president styled himself as a titan of American business, even though his entire empire was based on a foundation of other people’s money and tawdry backroom deal-making. These other guys are real men of business, in the style of which Mr. Dickens reminds us every Christmas. They’re looking at a president—and an administration—that at the moment more closely resembles an E. coli outbreak, a defective computer chip, a bad batch of male-enhancement drugs, or an exploding gas tank on an automobile. If any of the tycoons fleeing from his side gave a damn about OSHA regulations, there’d already be a class action suit filed on behalf of all Americans, demanding actual and punitive damage caused by a defective presidency. As it is, they’re doing what all big corporations do when one of their products goes bad. They’re walking away from it.

    http://www.esquire.com/news-politics/politics/news/a57028/business-leaders-abandon-trump/

  • Master Contrail Program

    In the pantheon of ironically-named right wing entities American Thinker has to sit very close to the throne.

    Whether said throne is a euphemism for toilet is up to you to decide, gentle Wonkers.

  • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

    seriously – doesn’t this sound like a 10 year old who didn’t get any of the cool kids to come to his birthday party?

    https://twitter.com/realdonaldtrump/status/897478270442143744

    • jowgajen

      Something something virtue signaling blah blah blah.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Soon his manufacturing council is going to be a bunch of stuffed animals sitting in a circle. All telling him how great he is, of course.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      “I have this one guy, he’s so cool and so rich . . . he lives in Canada, so you don’t know him . . .”

      • jesterpunk

        Is that Jim? I am pretty sure that would be Jim who wont go to France anymore.

      • Bobathonic

        Rowsdower!

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      FFS! Why did he end it “JOBS!”? Can we just impeach this clown already?

      • therblig

        he wants us to know it’s his regular jerk off bull shit.

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      Speaking of CEO’s who are more successful than he is, any word on Mark Cuban’s efforts to get A Clockjerk Orange to release his tax returns?

      • jesterpunk

        Actually successful businessman and billionaire who donates a lot of money to real charities Warren Buffet challenged Trump last year and even released his own tax returns. No response from Trump.

        • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

          There ya go! Not all wealthy people are morally bankrupt.

      • Dg Hacket

        If he released his taxes they’d have just cause to lock him up.

    • Suttree

      I’m sure that Don Blankenship would rush right over. Zombie Kenneth Lay, Dennis Kozlowski, Martin Skreli……

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        wait, do you live in my home town, or is don blankenship a car dealer in every U.S. city?

        • Suttree

          I meant the CEO of Massey Energy. Upper Big Branch mine where 29 miners died.

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            ah, poor joke. I jsut swear there’s a blankenship dealership in this town.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Sounds like Stalin …

      • georgiaburning

        Wait until Intel and Merck see the new Five Year Plan

        • JustDon’tSayDignity

          Plan? This bunch of idiots. SHEEEEEEIITTTT!

    • Jamoche

      Everything he has ever done is him being a 10 year old who didn’t get any of the cool kids to come to his birthday party.

  • bookish

    https://www.nytimes.com/2017/08/15/us/politics/trump-shares-then-deletes-twitter-post-of-cnn-cartoon-being-hit-by-train.html

    WASHINGTON — President Trump shared on Twitter a cartoon on Tuesday morning of a train running over a person with a CNN logo covering the person’s head, three days after a fatal collision in Charlottesville, Va. Mr. Trump deleted his retweet minutes later.

    Mr. Trump has been under fire for how he has publicly addressed bloody demonstrations by white nationalists over the weekend. Promoting a cartoon of a person being run over by a train appeared to belittle the attack by a driver who ran into a crowd of counterprotesters, leaving a 32-year-old woman dead on Saturday and 19 others injured. An Ohio man has been charged with second-degree murder in the crash.

    • jesterpunk

      You know there is an easy way to handle what happened as a politician. Look at how Hillary, Obama and Biden responded. Obama didnt even specifically call out the Nazis protesting he tweeted a quote from Mandela. Trump pulled the both sides bullshit then retweeted right wing groups and websites.

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        That’s just it, he didn’t actually have to call anyone out. All he had to do was say “I condemn the violence in Virginia”.

        He had one job on Saturday. One. . . Job.

        • jesterpunk

          Exactly, but he had to go “both sides” and fuck the whole thing up.

        • eastcoastlib

          There are Nazi’s. There are people who came out to protest Nazi’s. Who can tell which side is right and which side is wrong? It’s umpossible!

          • Boscoe

            Reminds me of Churchill’s historic speech, where he said: “We will confound the… purveyors of evil… whoever they may be, many sides do it, many sides… not my fault… been happening for a long time…”

          • eastcoastlib

            Just watched this fucking Orange Monster’s press conference. I think he’s removed all doubt he’s every bit the white nationalist those assholes in Virginia are. Heckava job PA and Ohio hillbillies. You elected a fucking a Nazi.

      • Bobathonic

        That would require him to be at least sort of Grown Up.

        • jesterpunk

          Which of the 3 generals was supposed to babysit him on Saturday?

          • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

            Someone needs to do a mock-up of that Three Men and a Baby poster for this.

          • jesterpunk

            I dont know how to photoshop and this is the closest I can find but not with generals.

            https://pbs.twimg.com/media/C_9bHsOUMAAydHq.jpg

          • JustDon’tSayDignity

            aot,k?

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos
  • MynameisBlarney

    OT, but note the symbol on “Resting Angry Nazi Face” boys polo.

    If you see anyone sportin’ that signage, know they are the enemy.

    https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Identity_Evropa

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/56a2780d1c8813843bd9e3fd58d40006707bcd25ebfbfc74dacac8ea6999ddd0.jpg?w=600&h=444

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      there’s a screen cap somewhere of one of those dudes wearing a swastika on his polo.

    • Master Contrail Program

      It appears Chad’s comedic foils went down an even darker path after Alltel was bought out. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e41fae48978c26dd36a09a51eb8aa9afc4aaecdd8b2836f5fb8e0f43189a780a.jpg

    • jodyleek

      This photo is ripe for photoshop “enhancement”.

      • BadKitty904

        Cue the corndog…

        • Suttree

          Jinx again!

          • BadKitty904

            Great minds, dude…

      • Suttree

        It could use a corndog or two.

        • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

          That’s not a corndog.

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      Looks like a bad case of ‘economic anxiety’ (patent pending)

    • BadKitty904

      How cute. He’s even got the Nazi haircut.

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        That, or he just likes to shave his sideburns reeeeally high.

        • MynameisBlarney

          I don’t think he’s started growing hair on his face yet.

          • Fritz1964

            And his screamy-face indicates he’s not had the ball drop yet…

          • MynameisBlarney

            That would appear to be the case.

        • BadKitty904

          Or he may be genetically unable to grow sideburns. Tragic.

          • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

            Awww! With a genetic abnormality like that, whose gonna protect him from nazi eugenicists?

    • BadKitty904

      Let’s put him in a German uniform, place him in a trench outside St. Petersburg, Russia, from, say, December through March, and see how long he remains a Nazi.

      • jodyleek

        Let’s just ship him off to modern day Germany and see how long he lasts.

        • BadKitty904

          These “European heritage” guys seem to spend very little time in Europe.

    • jodyleek

      This punk is what, maybe 140 lbs. soaking wet? Look at the shirt – the shoulder seams are down the sides of his arms. They should be at the ends of his shoulders. He probably couldn’t bring himself to buy the appropriate size shirt for his body because it was labeled “Small”. Like his intellect.

    • BadKitty904

      Binky the Tiki Nazi…

      • MynameisBlarney

        Binky the Tiki Nazi Twink.

      • commatoes
        • BadKitty904

          We’ve been laughing about that all day. When the manufacturer of the lighting for your Event calls you an asshole…

          • commatoes

            I had an early night so I just caught up on Seth Meyers just now. I wonder if ANY US company will consent to their products being used by these skid marks on the underwear of humanity.

          • BadKitty904

            Unfortunately, they don’t usually find out about it ’til after tha fact.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Does someone who shops at these kind of places know where the picture purporting to be Identity Evropa’s “boutique” might have been taken? I assume it is actually Hollister or some such place, and if so, it seems like they should know how the image is being used.

      • MynameisBlarney

        There are ALL kinds of t-shirt/print shops that could whip out several dozen shirts with whatever you want on them all over the web.

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          Their website includes a photo of an actual store. I presume it is someone else’s establishment that they are presenting as if it were theirs.

          • MynameisBlarney

            I ain’t even gonna go to that site, so I’ll have to take your word on that.

      • Jamoche

        Found it – they didn’t even rename the image when they stole it, the original URL contains “industrie-uk-store-covent-garden-8.jpg” and sure enough, it’s Industrie in Covent Garden
        http://retaildesignblog.net/2014/02/05/industrie-store-by-popstore-london/

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          That is some top notch sleuthing.

          • Jamoche

            Google reverse image search, though my next try would’ve been the words in the filename :)

          • Jamoche

            Image search was easier than finding a working contact link for the original owners, but it’s been reported now.

      • TundraGrifter

        “Only We Can Be Us.”

        That’s some shitdeep derp right there. You betcha. Only complete idiots would want to be them.

    • commatoes

      Aren’t they quaint using the Latin u/v. It’s almost like one of them read a history book or something.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    To be fair, the very first thing I thought when I first heard of Sarah Palin was, “The reincarnation of Clara Bow!” OK, OK, I never thought that.

    • Les Appentis De la résistance

      Chika bow wow

  • MynameisBlarney
    • OrG in London

      Nope, it’s inheriting a fortune. And you,dumbass, made it smaller.

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        ayup, this proves its all about ego.

        Someone (krugman?) said if he’d put his money in safe, low yield investments, he’d have more money than today.

        being the lazy drunken fuck I am, that’s what I woulda done. But my ego is about a the size of a kidney stone, soooooo….

        • NotDarkYet

          Oh, man, I just got over (i.e. passed) TWO kidney stones about 6 mm in diameter. The pain, the pain, boss!

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            i had one as a younger man, and only half that size, IIRC.

            I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO DIE.

          • NotDarkYet

            I prayed for death, seriously. I got dilaudid every 2 to 4 hours, but that stuff barely took the edge off. Maybe I’m just a wuss when it comes to pain, but damn, kidney stones is something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. From what I understand, it’s even worse for men due to ya’lls plumbing design. I can’t even imagine what “worse” would feel like …

          • HarpyLibtart

            I feel you – my parents went on holiday when I was about 16, I was super stoked to be on my own for the weekend…
            Bam, kidney stone.
            Started peeing blood, had no idea what was happening, there was nobody home and I could not even get to the phone because it hurt so much to breathe, let alone move….
            Over the course of about six hours I went from “OMG, am I seriously going to die?” to “Shit, I’m definitely going to die tonight” to “Jesus Christ, I don’t care if I die anymore, just f*cking TAKE ME already”.
            On the other hand, when that bitch passed, the sheer, immediate, blessed relief was very possibly the closest I’ll ever get to Nirvana.

    • Pilotshark

      dam don to bad your best genes dripped on the sheets.

    • commatoes

      They used to say the proper breeding.

      I wonder if Dolt 45 knows now or even then what the four nucleotide base pairs are. It is the first question I ask anyone that rambles incoherently about genes and genetics.

  • OT: Article on Raw Story that one of the nazis is calling for fellow nazis to protest at Heather Heyer’s funeral. He’s Daily Stormer’s system administrator. This shit cannot stand.

    • jodyleek

      Westboro Baptists: Who could be bigger assholes than us?
      Daily Stormers: Hold our stein!

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        lol, another wonkette classic.

      • I refuse to use the terms “altright” or “white supremciists” . They are nazis. We need to control the conversation not them. Look what happened by allowing the repugs to use obamaphones/care and they stay on message.

        • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

          you missed the easy one – obamacare, which polls (these days) lower than the ACA.

        • JustDon’tSayDignity

          ^^^
          ^^^THIS RIGHT HERE.

        • I don’t recall “white supremacists” ever being a “positive” (or at least a non-negative) descriptor.

    • Pilotshark

      I am sure that sys admin is pretty bus over there in stormer land, seeing he had to fine new hosting for the web site.

  • Longstreet63

    Odd that they’ve never expressed an objection to no knock raids on…other people, you know.

    • Khavrinen

      People who, let’s just say, aren’t orange?

      • phoenix00

        Darker ones.

  • Panika MCD

    so. if you are a lady Democrat who’s been around forever, absence of evidence is evidence of a crime.

    but if you are the chosen one of the deplorables who openly admits to not paying taxes, sexually assaulting women all the time and other such not-legal things, evidence can only prove that there was no crime.

    am I rite?

    • Jonny On Maui

      Got it in one.

    • Bemused Australian

      Yep. There are two types of evidence, the favourable and the fake.

  • Khavrinen

    “some dude at the American Thinker, a blog for wingnuts, has produced the seminal work on why the Trump-Russia investigation is a big hoax, which means we won’t have to cover this story anymore EVER AGAIN.”

    Much as I would love not having to read any more about this stupid story, I don’t think this guy’s approach is going to be very effective.

  • Daniel Hooper

    I remember when South Park did an episode following the 2008 election suggesting Palin only plays at being a fool and is actually very intelligent. Yeah, I don’t think that’s panned out too well.
    OT, but mentioning about how this isn’t the author’s first rodeo: a potential commissioner wants me to write a story that they were afraid was too weird. Themes involved were gender-shifting, cat girls, and maids. I responded by linking a previous commission that had all those themes, plus magic and ghostly possession. This ain’t my first rodeo, either.

    • Boscoe

      “Everybody” knows that if you want chilling premonitions of the future, The Simpsons is your go-to source.

      • JustDon’tSayDignity

        Everybody including South Park.

    • capnkrunch

      I am super interested in that story. Link?

  • (((fka_donnie_d)))

    American “Thinker” is a fine example of irony

    • javadavis

      Isn’t that the state of current American right winger thought?
      BTW – what is the significance of all the parentheses? Just asking.

      • (((fka_donnie_d)))

        The nazi shitlords made a thing on Twitter where they snidely accused various people of being jews/jew tools by putting parentheses around their names, so some of us decided to take them back.

        • Boscoe

          …because “everybody” knows that parenthesis are secret power symbols capable of blocking the satanic power of the international Jewish illuminatii reptilian conspiracy.

          I totally just guessed it, I bet.

          • (((fka_donnie_d)))

            No, it was kinda like an asterisk, another slimy way of dismissing critics as tools of the zionist conspiracy.

          • Boscoe

            Pfft clearly you haven’t checked it with Alex Jones. I hear he is “real news” now!

          • eastcoastlib

            Gieco Geeko 2020!!!

          • commatoes

            What’s next? Brackets? Braces? Ellipses? I refuse to participate in their punctuation arms race!!!

        • javadavis

          Thank you – I’ve been wondering since I noticed it. At first I thought it was something to do with coding, like python or html or something. I guess it is a different kind of code. Sort of like (((Spartacus))).

          • (((fka_donnie_d)))

            Yes, this. I happen to be jewish but fortunately not all people who did this are jewish.

  • whitroth

    Yep, this guy’s got the mind of a steel sieve.

  • NotDarkYet

    Weeeellll, I don’t know about ya’ll, but I, for one, am convinced!

    An American Tinker
    /s

  • Edith Prickly

    AMERICAN THINKER HAS IMPORTANT THINKY THOUGHTS ABOUT THINGS.

    • Serai 1

      YUUUUGE THOUGHTS! THE BIGGEST! YOU WILL LISTEN RIGHT NOW!!!

  • AngryNotSoOldHippy .

    If Mueller had anything, his team would perform the honorable leftist action and properly leak it to the Washington Post and New York Times.”

    ROFL! Behold the IQ of the common shitting Republican. Every Republican voter is a fucking idiot, it would seem.

  • Fritz1964

    Is that how Cindy Brady sez. “The Sinker”?

  • Serai 1
  • Peter Walford

    Who *is* Jay Valentine? … not the “Aussie hunk doctor” Google keeps showing me (Shirley) … also, ‘American Thinker’: sheer effrontery or what? … but then with Rick Moran (“proprietor of the website Right Wing Nuthouse”) as “blog editor” what could possibly go wrong???

  • notanncoulter

    i have a friend that has written a couple of ‘articles’ for them.
    that, in and of itself, is proof that anyone can write for them as long as you are unhinged and totally unhindered by empirical reality.

    • covfefesumgame0005

      so I could write for them on my Friday nights?

  • phoenix00

    Wonkette >>> American Thinker

    That is all.

  • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

    Seminal work… so, semen stained?

  • Zyxomma

    Nice snark, Evan. I particularly enjoyed America’s Next Top Swamp Darling, which used to star Tyrant Banks, but now stars some awful reality TV star.

  • azeyote

    so mueller is witness tampering which must be obstruction of justice and trump will make zillions by suing – and we have been waiting for the russian pee hooker tape for nothing,

    • Hizzoner

      We’re waiting for the pee hooker tape with a sense of terror. Imagine if 45 is running around starkers in it… Oh! The horror… The horror…

  • SeeTrain65

    Sarah Palin is a 21st Century “It” Girl, if in fact a meth addiction and affinity for horrible clothing is “it.”

  • ronbo

    Evan, stop mansplaining. I trust the people here who explain that THIS is economic recovery. https://data.bls.gov/timeseries/LNS12300000

    If the economic meltdown did not warrent investigation AND the neocon push for regime change in Iraq and Syria and Lybia didn’t warrent investigtions, then what does?

    Is Orange the new black?

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