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He’ll read anything on that teleprompter.

Good Morning, Wonkers! We have so many newses for you, but here’s just a few of the things we may be talking about today.

Protesters in Durham pulled down a Confederate statute. Be like Durham, kids.

Paul Manafort tried to finagle a complicated $850 million real estate deal with ALLEGED Russian and Ukrainian gangsters Dmitry Firtash and Oleg Deripaska. It sure as hell looks a lot like an international money laundering scheme. WOAH, if true!

From March to July of 2016, a policy aide on Trump’s team was shooting off emails urging a meeting between Trump and Russian officials, including Putin, but everyone said, “Russians? No thank you, that would be weird.” Drip, drip, drip!

The DHHS has cut grants for teen pregnancy prevention programs and hasn’t bothered to say why.

Trump is facing more pressure to “You’re Fired” President Bannon, but Tea Party wackjobs are unsurprisingly sticking to their gross whiskey-dick leader.

Shiva Ayyadurai, a Republican candidate for Senate opposing Sen. Elizabeth Warren who blows his load every time he calls her Pocahontas, will address the “free-speech” Nazi “alt right” rally in Boston on Saturday. When asked if he was worried about violence, Ayyadurai stated, “of course…because [r]ace [w]ars are manufactured and fueled by the Establishment to distract from the economic problems that they have caused and profit from.” No, dude, race wars are started by jerks with stupid haircuts and hats in polo shirts who carry citronella candles. [Archive]

Contenders for Jason Chaffetz’s House seat can’t stop bragging about how they’re rich, religious and right-wing A.F.

Indiana’s Republican Senate primary has been a brutal fight between two idiots with a 20+ year grudge of sniping and childish bickering.

More CEOs are bailing on Trump since they don’t want to catch the stink of white supremacy, including Under Armor, Intel, and Merck, the gigantic pharmaceutical company.

The head of Planned Parenthood wants Democrats to fight for abortion rights now that Trump has “both barrels aimed at women.”

The DOJ wants the unique IP addresses of people who’ve visited an anti-Trump website that helped to organize Inauguration protests, according to the site’s host, and lawyers and activists are sounding privacy and free-speech alarm bells.

Joe Arpaio might get a pardon by Trump for being inhuman to immigrants, according to an interview Trump gave Fox News on Sunday (you know, a day after that “many sides” crap).

“Alt-Right” demonstrations are scheduled for nine cities next week in protest of the tech-bro Google “You’re Fired” for being A Idiot.

More and more Republicans are finding it easier to criticize Trump after the events of Charlottesville, although many are still nervous about getting primaried by an “alt-right” or Tea Party crazy.

Trump’s poll numbers are falling even further into the shitter after the events of Charlottesville. LOW RATINGS!

Of course, the guy who rammed his car into protesters beat and threatened his mom on top of failing Army Basic Training, and scared his high school history teacher.

Some Republicans in state legislatures are voting to increase taxes now that they’re being held responsible for failing roads, schools and bridges in their districts, even if it pisses off ignorant constituents.

The #Reisistance is growing in Trump Country in the fallout of attempts to repeal the ACA, a literal lifeline for many low-income voters.

Thousands of people turned out to protest in New York last night after Trump returned to his glass house that had to be surrounded by white trash trucks.

The New England Holocaust Museum in Boston was vandalized (AGAIN), but authorities are unsure if it was intended as a hate crime or if it was just some dumbass kid. [Archive]

Latin America is uniting behind Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro after Trump called and threatened budding dictator, and possibly setting back efforts at democratic regimes.

Iran is threatening to pull out of the nuclear agreement “within hours” if the US passes any more sanctions, with Iran’s moderate President Hassan Rouhani saying that Trump undermines international agreements, and has become a shitty neighbor, partner and negotiator.

South Korean President Moon Jae-in gave a speech denouncing US and North Korean tensions, saying it could veto any attack on North Korea as it should be the one to declare military strikes.

While rubbing his bathrobbed butt around the residence this morning Trump may or may not have accidentally retweeted some random guys, one accusing Trump and Arpaio of being fascist, and another of a meme appearing to show a train hitting CNN.

White nationalists are bitching about being victims of police brutality, saying that there wouldn’t have been any violence if the cops didn’t show up, even though VA Gov. Terry McAuliffe claims that militia members were better armed than the cops. Plus there was how they kept beating people.

David Duke started freaking out on Twitter after Trump read his teleprompter and condemned racist and anti-Semitic hate groups.

An “NRA TV” host has apologized after “joking” that North Korea should nuke California, not Guam, an irony not lost on those who remember when he himself warned against provoking “unstable people” this past June.

Godaddy and Google booted neo-Nazi website The Daily Stormer yesterday for violations of terms of service. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Former Virginia attorney general Ken Cuccinelli told Symone Sanders to “shut up” during a debate about Trump’s initial response to Charlottesville, prompting Chris Cuomo to tell Cuccinelli to stop acting like a manbaby, and some return fire from Sanders herself.

Taylor Swift won her countersuit against a radio host who groped her during a photo op.

GOOD NEWS, EVERYONE! Seinfeld’s Soup Nazi helped pass out soup in character as part of a fundraiser for victims of wildfires in British Columbia.

The Mooch went on Colbert to talk about the screwing of Reince Priebus, and the raging dumpster fires inside the White House. [Video]

And here’s your late night wrap-up! Stephen Colbert showed how easy it is to condemn a hate group; Jimmy Kimmel noticed the difference between Trump and a teleprompter; Jimmy Fallon actually got a little political in an emotional statement about Charlottesville; Conan O’Brien had some talky time with Sen. Al Franken; Chelsea Handler wished Sarah Huckabee Sanders a regular birthday; and James Corden made a list things Trump hates more than racism.

And here’s your morning Nice Time! Sun bears!


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  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    Now I want soup.

    • Jeffery Campbell

      No soup for you!

      • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

        I did not care for the “Soup Nazi” bit. Like all attempts to vilify everyday people as Nazis (“parking Nazis”, “office supply Nazis”, etc), it serves also to erode the evil of actual Nazis, as if they were merely stern taskmasters.

        • Querolous

          True, but “Soup Nun” just doesn’t sound right.

  • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

    “Trump may or may not have accidentally retweeted some random guys”

    He did…I have the screen caps to prove it.

  • Treg Brown
    • The Wanderer

      Well said.

    • BosGrl

      What this must feel like to someone who’s already been through it…

      • Treg Brown

        No lie. It made me well up thinking about what’s shes already experienced, and having to face it again at her age is pretty heartbreaking.

  • Jgb979

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DHRDBRJWsAAk450?format=jpg

    Odds president dum dum has no idea what fascist means……

  • The Wanderer

    Before the Revolution started, a mob of patriots in New York City attacked an equestrian statue of George III and toppled it, an event immortalized in art. Another mob in Boston stormed, tore down and burned the Governor’s home.
    A worthy set of precedents, and I applaud the people of Durham for their actions.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      I think the right is shitting themselves because they see this as another sign that the end is near…

      And also too, pulling down statues is only acceptable in countries the US invades or has beef with.

      • The Wanderer

        I would accept, as a positive outcome, the placement of a thermite grenade on that bronze equestrian statue of Lee in Charlottesville. Hard to reverence a lump of molten slag.

        • Fancy Meau-Faux

          Thermite might be a bit much for most protesters to come up with. Sledgehammers are available at any hardware store, or a good chain and a big truck would do the trick.

    • BosGrl

      A very well behaved and non-fiery mob stormed the MA gov’s house once, when the gov was from my little hometown. I can’t remember why now; I was like 12. Got on the news and everything!

    • I’m so proud of my adopted home town.

  • ManchuCandidate

    Racist Baby Driver apparently drove over a couple of folks from the local public defender office and has no lawyer as no one wants to take his case.

    • The Wanderer

      The Court will probably have to appoint one, and whoever draws the short straw will hate his life.

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        our PD wonkette friend said he’ll get one appointed.

      • LesBontemps

        But think of all the opportunities to provide ineffective assistance of counsel!

        • Skeptical_thinker

          Let’s keep the defense clean and competent. Give them nothing to appeal.

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            i was gonna say the same – ineffective assistance just means dismissals on appeal and new trials.

            (although I recognize it was also a joke).

    • HogeyeGrex

      What? No Nazi-go-fund-me for his legal defense? Awwwwww.

  • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

    Line of the night from Colbert, to the Mooch: “Did he (Dampnut) order his spine from Amazon Prime? Why did it take 48 hours?”

    • From Russia with Love

      It was likely delivered to a neighbor when it got there as well.

  • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

    Dominic: Might want to edit the teen pregnancy linky thing to read DHHS rather than DHS. Homeland Security really shouldn’t be all up in teenage hoohahs.

    • BosGrl

      Under this administration, nothing would surprise me…

    • jesterpunk

      That is their plan for the TSA, free prostate exams for men free pregnancy exams for women.

      • LesBontemps

        Transvaginal wandings for everyone!

        • From Russia with Love

          Think they’re hiring?

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    Had I known it was Sarah’s birthday I’da baked a cake.
    http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/ylial.gif

  • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

    Hey James! I think this one is safe, since it honors men who fought racists and fascists:
    https://twitter.com/RealJamesWoods/status/897173485226786817

    • Bill D. Burger

      Oh James Woods! Proving that you’re more stupid than Scott Baio and Kurt Cameron is not something to advertise.

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        P.S. Go fuck yourselves James.

        • From Russia with Love

          Really. Give us all a handjob then go away.

    • BigCSouthside

      Can someone try the “ooo piece of candy” trick from family guy cuz I’m pretty sure he’s dumb enough to fall for it in real life

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      Now I have to rewatch Holocaust just to see James Woods die.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      I hate it when celebrities come along and out themselves as stupid haters. Never can watch anything they’re in again without remembering that they supported Dolt 45, or beat their wives, or were racist fucktards, or any of the other many undesirable traits they show. That goes for you, James Woods, Susan Sarandon, Mel Gibson, Craig Nelson, et al.

    • coozledad

      Woods is a coke fiend.

    • grindstone

      No, dumbass, I’m rather fond of that one. I’m not always proud of it, but this is my country, and my flag. I can even claim the confederate flag, since I had ancestors who fought, but I DON’T FLY IT. I don’t salute it. I don’t display it. And the Nazi flag and that idiotic serpent flag can fuck right off.

    • Shibusa

      Best reply:
      @david_j_roth
      I too am unable to recognize a difference between the heroes who defeated fascism and the rancid losers who lost trying to preserve slavery.

    • From Russia with Love

      James, your bio is kinda missing your time in the military. You should have been about the right age to fight some commies in Vietnam had you so chosen.

    • Covfefe’s Evil Twin

      The stupid, it burns. Just like coke on the septum.

  • Bill D. Burger

    I respect the true Southern flag:

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DHOjh3WW0AAfdqm.jpg

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Trump has take a personal interest in teen pregnancy.

  • MynameisBlarney

    So I guess nazis think punching women is manly.

    https://twitter.com/BroderickGreer/status/896410935186903040

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      that woman strikes back…I like it.

      (Dear Dok and friends…my stance on this is clear. Strike when struck, otherwise be peaceful).

    • Mr. Blobfish

      If you’re going to a riot, wear long pants.

      • Courser_Resistance

        Boots and eye protection also too.

        • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

          Not unless you want battle scars.
          “Say where’d you get that nasty scar?”
          “Fighting Nazis.”
          “Ficking awesome! Can I buy you a beer?”

    • Rick Hill

      These guys are, literally, going to these events decked out to fight and defend themselves. When does that not break several laws?

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        open carry…

        also, apparently antifa assholes are showing up with sticks and bats…although given the realities, I don’t blame them

      • MynameisBlarney

        I just can’t believe the fucking mayor of Charlottesville told the cops NOT to arrest those fucking nazi bastards!
        ESPECIALLY the ones impersonating police officers and soldiers. As well as the motherfucking cowards carrying shields and sticks.

        • HogeyeGrex

          I can’t believe the cops didn’t lob tear gas in there once shit like that started happening. Like Mom used to say, “I don’t care who started it. If you can’t play nice, go straight to your rooms without supper.”

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      Did some of those fascist creeps make their shields out of cardboard?

      So pathetic.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Well that plywood can get heavy!

  • Bill D. Burger
  • jesterpunk
  • it’s a sad day in AL when you let the swamp creatures convince you Luther Strange is the right choice,” state Rep. Ed Henry of Hartselle tweeted.

    SWAMP CREATURES ARE TAKING ALABAMA WHERE IS THE OUTRAGE

  • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher
  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    “Iran is threatening to pull out of the nuclear agreement…”

    Little Babby Donnie complains Iran is adhering to the letter but not the spirit of the agreement. In other words, Iran is just like Trump dealing with a contractor or a wife.

    • Shibusa

      The Iranians gave up 98% of their nuclear material. They dismantled thousands of centrifuges and filled the core of a major plutonium reactor with cement. Inspectors roam their facilities. Even Israel’s top military officer said he was impressed. Rex Tillerson says Iran has been abiding by the nuclear agreement. Of course Iran is still supporting Assad but that’s not included in the agreement. And Ayatollah Ali Khamenei still has a lot of power. Trump is lying because he needs an[other] enemy to demonize.

      • Alan

        Or because he’s just stupid.

  • Roni Raven, Undercovfefe Agent

    Hey, look who just admitted there was Russian interference in the election. No witch hunt!

    https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/897411177583702016

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      and i still don’t know what fucking report he’s talking about.

      (i’ve been up all night).

      • Marion in Savannah

        Neither does he.

      • BosGrl

        You OK?

        • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

          oh totally; i’m trying to get back on normal people time, so I drag a shit ton of caffeine – hopefully by the time school starts on monday, I’ll be ready for 8 am class on saturday.

      • Oblios_Cap

        Some shit Fox pulled out of its ass.

      • Ghenghis McCann

        Don’t worry. Neither does he.

    • jesterpunk

      Is he going to try the excuse he used for his birther claims? For the birther bullshit he blamed Hillary for starting it (which was a lie) in 2008 then he ran with it for 8 years.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Report comes from his Anonymous Secret Sources.

      • BosGrl

        The little men inside his brain?

      • Rick Hill

        “According to my daily top sekrit briefing….”

    • bupkus231

      Apparently, the “report” he “cites” is a Politico piece from the other day, which, of course, relies on “anonymous” former WH and Intelligence officials.

      Also, too – one quote:

      As early as 2014, the administration received a report that quoted a well-connected Russian source as saying that the Kremlin was building a disinformation arm that could be used to interfere in Western democracies. The report, according to an official familiar with it, included a quote from the Russian source telling U.S. officials in Moscow, “You have no idea how extensive these networks are in Europe … and in the U.S., Russia has penetrated media organizations, lobbying firms, political parties, governments and militaries in all of these places.”

      That report was circulated among the National Security Council, intelligence agencies and the State Department via secure email and cable in the spring of 2014 as part of a larger assessment of Russian intentions in Ukraine, the official said.

      Gee – could one of those “political parties” been the GOP?

      Once again, Rump is presenting a lying distortion of what was “reported”….

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        i knew some smart person would find it.

        Good show.

        • bupkus231

          Glad you saw it – I went and looked, then couldn’t find your post asking about it….

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            you REALLY shouldn’t spend that much time or energy on me.

            ; P

      • From Russia with Love

        Disinformation only works on the truly uninformed.

  • Indiepalin

    Krzyzewski was not able to attend due to an upcoming leg transplant.

  • Joe Beese
    • Marion in Savannah

      Oh, SQUEEEE!

      • Joe Beese

        The needle fell off my squee-meter.

    • The Wanderer

      Damned onion ninjas.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Two important question: first, kangaroos chirp? And second, how can I get a DILF-y Aussie to hug me?

      • Courser_Resistance

        Yeah, that surprised me too. I’d never given a thought as to whether they vocalized at all.

        • Gayer Than Thou

          Oh, if you do it right, DILFs vocalize a lot.

    • Bill D. Burger
    • From Russia with Love

      “Gets lonely in the Outback…”

    • Courser_Resistance

      My first dog, Katrina, would hug me in the same way. It’s really sweet, nice and comforting. She’d basically push her neck up against mine.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Two reasons I was upset watching that statue being pulled down:

    A) No one has PPE on (no hard hats etc).
    B) I didn’t get an invite! 😔

    • The Wanderer

      Spontaneity. No time for high-visibility vests or hard hats.

      • Canned Covfefe

        And THAT is exactly why injury incidents happen! Jeeze…

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      A) It was vandalism
      B) City should have taken it down long ago, like before it was ever up.

  • theblackdog

    Nice of Under Armour to finally bail but I still don’t want to buy from them after their CEO said the election of Trump is “good for businesses”

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Also too, I’ve reached an age and physique at which body-con foundation garments and workout clothes just make me look like a badly formed bratwurst. It’s bloomers and muumuus all the way for me.

      • BosGrl

        I keep telling myself that looking like Devine in Hairspray does not make me a bad person!

        • Gayer Than Thou

          It makes you fabulous! But maybe, like me, you should pick a safe word before you put on spandex.

          • BosGrl

            Yesssss

    • aureolaborealis

      I used to be a customer. Until whenever they jumped on the Trump train. I will need an emphatic disavowal of everything Trump before I will buy their stuff again.

  • TJ Barke

    Oh, so we’re allowed to cheer violence on statues?

    • BosGrl

      What’s all this about violins on statues?

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        I saw a violin statue once. It was very nice

        • Gayer Than Thou

          Violin statutes, you say? Apparently you can’t walk down the street in Utah with a violin in a paper bag. Sensible public policy, that.

          • BosGrl

            Wut?

    • Catstro

      Oh God I can’t tell if serious or not. People in Durham are generally of two minds right now: violence is always bad, mmmkay; or, yay it’s gone, who cares how it came down. Mebbe if we weren’t stuck with a GA from hell for god knows how much longer I would appreciate a more lawful approach, but fuck it, this was a glorious act of civil disobedience. My husband has a different take altogether…glad it’s down, no problem with the civil disobedience, cannot deal with the smugness of the people who brought it down.

      And then we have the truly hateful people. I’m assuming most of them don’t live here (or not in city limits) as evidenced by the “this is why I never come to Durham” comments. Good, we don’t want you.

      All I know is that I gotta stay away from the local news today

      • TJ Barke

        I was snarking, mostly at how hard Dok’s been coming down on nazi punching memes.

      • Don’t read the Herald-Sun’s piece. Our Sheriff made a couple of monumentally stupid statements.

        • Catstro

          Conditions in the county jail and the sheriff department’s relationship with ICE were already making me regret voting for him. I’ll just assume this is the cherry on the shit sundae and avoid reading it altogether. I need to stop reading the news for a couple of days anyway, I feel sick and I’m stressed about an unrelated thing and this isn’t helping.

          Incidentally, do you remember during the election some nutjob erected all these signs in front of the jail detailing some conspiracy theory relating to him? Now I’m like, maybe we should have listened to the crazy guy (though the opponent seemed worse, so)

          • I don’t remember that happening during the election. Geez, where the hell was my brain? Anyway, sometimes it’s better to listen to the crazy guy.

            I’m sorry you also have other things stressing you out. Take care of yourself.

  • coozledad

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m0tI6Dry1RM

    History starts at the forty second mark.

    • Sedagive ’em Hell

      Great history lesson – thanks for posting.

      • coozledad

        There are several good books on this period, but Van Newkirk III’s Lynching in North Carolina and William T. Auman’s Civil War in The North Carolina Quaker Belt are a good start.

    • La forza del resistino

      the next time the evangelicals tell Donald to nom someone to SCOTUS who will interpret the Const. according to christian founding values, Dr. Rev Barber is the real deal.

    • grindstone

      Thank you for posting this. I have a hard time describing NC to people — so progressive in places, so entrenched in others.

  • Indiepalin

    Also this: The Armour Hot Dog people are cutting ties with Trump.

  • From Russia with Love

    What’s a Confederate statute?

    • jesterpunk

      A participation trophy for a bunch of losers?

      • TJ Barke

        Aw, I was too slow.

    • TJ Barke

      A tribute to some losers.

    • Painter of Goats

      Not sure, but if you are a southern racist it has no limitations.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      A typo.

    • MynameisBlarney

      It’s a trophy for Second Place in the Civil War.

    • LesBontemps

      A Jim Crow law?

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        nicely done!

        • LesBontemps

          Thank you, I’ll be here all week! Try the veal, and remember to tip your waitstaff!

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            obligatory:
            Tip the veal and try your waitstaff!

            (not my joke, shamelessly stolen from people here).

          • Msgr_MΩment

            Just the tip!

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      A statue wearing a “tee”?

  • Oblios_Cap
    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      my joke is that my cardio makes me look like a shave possum with rabies…

      this picture actually lookes like one though.

    • TJ Barke

      Master cirrhosis!

    • BosGrl

      What is that bloody thing near his lip?

      • TJ Barke

        Something gross.

      • Oblios_Cap

        looks like HERPES!

        • Msgr_MΩment

          No hair piece! No hair piece! YOU’RE the hair piece!

      • Not Flat – ROUND!

        I always thought he looked like a cross of a zombie and a vampire – the blood proves it.

      • Painter of Goats

        Something he picked up while tasting the water in his hot tub?

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        He finally managed to suck his own cock but his knee knocked him in the mouth.

      • therblig

        his circumcision never healed

      • coozledad

        An Everclear burn?

      • Tiny kaiju

        It looks like there blood on his collar too. I think he might have passed out drunk and hit his mouth on his dick, but there is no way it could have been hard enough to draw blood.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Jeeez! That creature is decomposing from the inside out.

    • MynameisBlarney

      He really looks like a walking mass of necrotizing flesh, doesn’t he?

      • Catstro

        Looks like?

        • Ghenghis McCann

          Not so much necrotising fasciitis, more a necrotising fascist.

      • HogeyeGrex

        Ambulatory Fournier gangrene.

    • Rick Hill

      “Why did I do a morning presser without any bourbon? Why?”

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Please tell me this is photoshopped, and that someone who looks like this isn’t actually sitting in our White House.

      • Darlene Underdahl

        It’ll have to be fumigated and repainted for sure.

      • Johnatx

        Evidently it is a tad bit Photoshopped, but not all that much. It looks like the open sore bear his mouth has been added, as well as the blood on his collar.

      • HogeyeGrex

        The original only looks so much better.
        https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DHPqAc5U0AATPio.jpg

    • Catstro

      Someone in the non-comments yesterday made reference to a “disgruntled olive loaf” and I’m not sure if they were referring to Bannon, but I’m running with it. Steve Bannon, disgruntled olive loaf.

      • coozledad

        Soap scum mottled headcheese?

    • Major_Major_Major

      Just a reminder, at least one person fucked this anthropomorphic Trichophyton rubrum, if not willingly, then at least begrudgingly.

    • dlemex

      He really does look like the evil guardian angel from Star Trek. Especially after the kids started crying and he started to change to his ugly true form.

      • Werewolf

        Hail, hail, fire and snow….

    • Shibusa
      • jodyleek

        God, Bannon looks like one of the after pictures from those faces of crystal meth photos.

        • Erala Contratista

          Didn’t think he could possibly look more unhealthy….oops.

      • Oblios_Cap

        Scabbers Libel!

    • Red Bird

      He’s superior at holding grudges, being selfish, being manipulative and being vindictive.

      • george lastrapes

        He’s a member of the Mystic Knights of the Gin Blossom- a shadowy cabal popularly known as the Rosaceans.

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist
          • george lastrapes

            A remarkable bird is the pelican,
            Whose bill will hold more than his belican.
            He can hold in that beak
            Enough food for a week-
            And I’m damned if I know how the helican.

            A wonderful childhood memory: Barney the pelican, a regular at the Shrimp Shak on the Texas Gulf Coast where my family vacationed in the ’50s. He would stare you down ’til you were guilted into tossing a shrimp or an oyster his way. My Dad taught me the limerick.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            My mom did the same and the one about the Puffin who was big as muffin.

        • Zyxomma

          Well said. Golf clap.

          • george lastrapes

            You’re saying Bannon has golf clap? A real disease? Caught from someone he played a round with?

        • Bravo.

  • VirginiaWackelpudding

    I hoped that after seeing what happened in C town there wouldn’t be more rallies. WTF is wrong with me? There’s one planned for Boston this Saturday. I cannot comprehend the pig headed stupid of some people.

    • Crystalclear12

      There’s a reason they call it blind prejudice.

    • Skeptical_thinker

      The Boston rally has been cancelled by the organizers. They claim the city denied their permit application. The city says they never applied for a permit.

      • VirginiaWackelpudding

        OH THANK DE DOGS!!

  • Oblios_Cap

    Latin America is uniting behind Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro after Trump called and threatened budding dictator, and possibly setting back efforts at democratic regimes.
    If we did a little les meddling in their affairs and tried being a good neighbor, they might learn to like us one day. Are they throwing crap at Pence, yet?

    • *sigh*

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        don’t mean to dogpile – but Kim Jong Un gave trump a YOOOOGE out:

        Hagatña, Guam (CNN)North Korea leader Kim Jong Un appears to have backed away from a threat to fire missiles towards the US Pacific territory of Guam, opting instead to wait and see what the “foolish Yankees” do next.

        http://www.cnn.com/2017/08/14/politics/mattis-north-korea-guam-game-on/index.html

        • bupkus231

          Yeah – that’ll last. Rump is sure to twat something about making NK back down, and it’ll all be on again….

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            I know and it’s sad.

            As I said in the earlier thread – there is literally NO downside to this “offer” but – as another WOnketteer reminded me – trump will find one.

        • Saw that one, just didn’t have enough time to get it in there.

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            no worries buddy – as a former intern, I’m here you for you.
            but it is kind of a big deal. ; )

            I imagine y’all will get to it.

        • HogeyeGrex

          Man, those are some fucked up hats.
          http://i2.cdn.cnn.com/cnnnext/dam/assets/170815123123-01-kim-jong-un-0814-exlarge-169.jpg

          Also, too:
          KJU: “Let’s see what stupid thing Trump will do.”
          Trump: “Hold my beer.”

          le sigh.

    • Ghenghis McCann

      “He might be a son of a bitch, but he’s our son of a bitch.”

  • Crystalclear12

    If Hillary had been elected we would be talking about some idiot in Florida.
    I long for slow news days.

    • SnarkON

      I wish there were a taco truck on every corner.

      • beingreleased

        I could go for a taco right now. (looks out window, sighs)

      • Painter of Goats

        ¡Si!

      • dlemex

        Come to Mexico… we got them on every corner here… and they are very tasty.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    If Trump’s numbers drop any further, he’ll be down to the 30% or so of people in this country who are actual white supremacists.

    • Rick Hill

      “Whatever happens, we’ll always have Charlottesville….”

    • bupkus231

      You know, I have no doubt that some white supremacists will turn their backs on Rump, for not supporting them more strongly…

      So, maybe 27%????

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Maybe…until he pardons Arpaio, then right back up to 30.

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        this is what I’m thinking (and yes, I said so from election to inaugration).

        Who’s taking bets?

        • bupkus231

          That 27% is known as the “Alan Keyes factor” or the “crazification factor”, coined by a blogger back in 2005 after Obama’s Senate run against nutcase Alan Keyes ( replacing Jack Ryan, who resigned after being accused of abusing is exwife ) – despite Keyes obviously unhinged ( and carpetbagging – he’s originally from MD, my old stompin’ grounds ) campaign, he still got 27% of the vote ( including 5% of registered Democrats )…

          So, to me, all bets are off….

  • beingreleased

    Does everyone remember that time the US led the world in tackling a global climate problem? Believe it or not, a Republican administration led the way:

    In 1989, amidst mounting scientific evidence, dozens of nations joined forces to sign a treaty aimed at halting the expansion of a massive hole in Earth’s ozone layer. Nearly thirty years later, the Montreal Protocol has done just that.

    Republicans weren’t always anti-science. This could never happen today.

    http://gizmodo.com/saving-the-earths-ozone-layer-went-even-better-than-exp-1797831572

    • jesterpunk

      Nixon started the EPA, he was pretty shitty but he even believed in clean air and water after seeing a river catch on fire.

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      i remember that – it was a thing and then it wasn’t.

      Amazing what happens when you listen to people smarter than you.

      • Major_Major_Major

        Listen, you liberal fucktards don’t seem to realize that MY ill-informed opinion is equally as valid as your so-called “facts”. Everyone with half-a-brain knows climate change was dreamed up by “Big Academia” to keep them in foreign sports cars, exotic foods like surf-n-turf, and fancy designer clothes like Z Cavaricci and Chic jeans.

    • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

      HW was a RINO. Reagan was a RINO. W was practically a RINO. But Dampnut, he’s a REAL Republican wingnut!

  • armed_bears

    Gonna point out: Sun bears seem placid… but mess with them and they will eat your face. Just sayin’: Don’t assume foolish behavior will be ursine approved.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    The CSA lost. The Nazis lost. If you’re going to build a movement, why not go with a winner?

    • therblig

      Ex-Lax?

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Smooth move

    • Shibusa

      Maybe they need a fecesbility study first.

  • UnsaltedSinner
    • The Statue of Limitations

    • YoBunnyBunny

      Succinct.

    • Hollandaise

      So iconic.

  • dlemex

    Thanks Dominic for making me smile a little each morning while dealing with what is otherwise very depressing news. Your hard effort is appreciated and an important part of my morning. Kudos!

  • The Trump Train, runs down people, in Spain, mainly on the plain.
    https://twitter.com/kylegriffin1/status/897422646513721344

    Feeling no pain, nothing really except anger

    • BosGrl

      He soooo wants to be speaking at these rallies. It’s probably killing him.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        “My base.”

        • Crystalclear12

          Is base?

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Or acid. A lot of both, actually.

        • TakingAmes

          All your base are belong to us?

    • bupkus231

      Eh. That was a car, this is a train. Big difference….

      • jesterpunk

        When you get hit by a train it’s harder to identify the body?

      • NastyBossetti

        To be fair, the individual parts of a train are called cars, so maybe not SO big a difference.

    • Shibusa

      Trump has gone off the rails.

    • miss_grundy

      Well, I have a feeling that journalist being hit by a train would be Jim Acosta since he has been getting in Sarah’s face and asking her inconvenient questions. And we know how much Tangerini and his crew hate being put on the spot.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    Well, I’ve been up for a little over an hour, watching my hummingbirds flit and dart around, and looking at the beautiful bounty of blooms in my raised bed, but damn if the news about Nazis and bigots and the “president” re-tweeting violent anti-media cartoons hasn’t made me feel like crawling back into bed and pulling the quilt over my head. I hate reality.

  • La forza del resistino

    The DHS found Nancy Reagan’s stash of ‘Just Say No’ bumper stickers in the basement. Now were these made to address drug abuse or sexxy times? It was so long ago I forget. Maybe Tom Price, who never evolved beyond 1981 can ‘splain.

    • Zyxomma

      Sexy times? Nah. Nancy’s rep was that she gave the best blowjobs in Hollywood.

  • YoBunnyBunny

    RE the WaPo piece on the Resistance in Trump Country

    A wingnut friend of mind was just recently telling me that when the inevitable economic collapse comes (the FED RESERVES!!!1!1!), it will be the good god-fearin’ people in rural America who will be fine. It’ll be the liberal cities that will suffer.

    I gathered that his premise was that, the country people will have all the food and crops and know how to be self-sufficient, unlike lazy city people who only know how to drive to a grocery store. But what he and these other “Real America” goobers are missing in their over-hyping of rural self-sufficiency is that rural areas are traditionally under-served and lacking in resources like top-notch medical care access (not to mention some big city liberal economies and states have economies that are equivalent to entire countries and we fund resources that countries would otherwise not be able to afford on their own). But, by all means, rural Americans don’t need that city folk stuff like health insurance and world-class modern medical institutions. They’ll just trade chickens for a leeching session or something, right?

    In their eagerness to talk about how Real American’s aren’t moochers who need access to stuff like medical and (especially) dental care like city-folk takers (the free rural dental clinic stories are heart breaking and heart warming), they’re shooting their own people in the face. Also too, they’re totally not even recognizing the fact that rural communities are not monochromatic in their political leanings. Hopefully this glaring blind spot will speed up the right wing’s demise.

    • jesterpunk

      That might have been true 50 years ago but now a majority of farms are owned by huge companies not by small farmers.

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        this! “farmers” are fucking multi-millionaire corps, from what I hear.

        (meanwhile, libs are big on knitting and growing their own gardens full of kale and stuff).

        • Shibusa

          And we have many farmers who are most expert at farming the mailbox for federal subsidies.

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            ayup.

        • YoBunnyBunny

          They’d be surprised to know that backyard chicken coops was really “A Thing” that the DC Mayor and city council was going to address. And, lo, what a mighty uproar went up when they tried to ban them.

          • LesBontemps

            As a suburban liberal elite, I grow my own vegetables and raise chickens for meat and eggs. So fuck those guys.

          • Persistent Tennessee Rain

            I go to the nearest Amish market because I suck at growing vegetables.

      • dlemex

        Also most of the crops have been altered to require machine milling. Those corn fields are mostly inedible. I was dumbfounded when I saw the stats.

      • Ms.Moon

        Many big cities have small farms close by and urban farming is on the rise as well. I just saw a story on Brooklyn honey production.

        • chezmoi

          Outstanding. Because the bees in cities are a healthier population than those out in the herbicide/pesticide-ridden agricultural wastelands.
          Container gardening on high-rise roofs or balconies, and planting empty lots with community gardens are other solutions that have made progress in many ‘green cities’ around the world.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      They’re too lazy to pick the crops, and they’ve already driven all the Mexicans out. These fucks wouldn’t survive a day without the federal government.

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      i was gonna say the doctors thing, then you beat me to it.

      Soooo: architects, engineers, people who deal with potable water and sewage, city planners, welders, etc etc etc

    • grindstone

      cough :: farm subsidies :: cough

      • Ghenghis McCann

        My subsidy. Your government handout. They’re completely different, obviously.

    • bupkus231

      I think the thought processes here are even shorter term than “crops”. They’re thinking they can always hunt or fish or eat their livestock – never mind that that’ll run out soon, probably before any crops come in ( depending on the time of year, of course ) – especially if they have to “deal with” refugees.

      It’s a big thing that most US cities have less than a week or so of foodstuffs on hand, should society be disrupted – but, despite their fantasies, rural areas aren’t a lot better off….

      They’d do better thinking all the hawt chicks/dudes will start to love them after a economic collapse….

    • Claire

      If they’re so self-sufficient, why do they take all our tax money and then complain that they’ve been left behind?

    • miss_grundy

      Are they planning on eating their entire harvest? Because if not, they would have to sell their crops to a middle man, no? Did they forget this part?

      • YoBunnyBunny

        I pointed this out to my wingnut… he wants to believe there will only be humble farmers who wouldn’t dare enter heathen cities just to make a handsome profit. Unpossible, he says.

    • Tiny kaiju

      This is true. I also don’t see a lot of gardens or even chickens behind the shacks and trailers where I live. Junked cars and tractors, but no food sources.
      Anyway, when did these idiots ever incorporate facts or insight in their plans to fuck everyone else over? They naively believe there will be something left intact for them to rule over after everyone has turned on each other.

    • Of course, they’d be unable to harvest the vast monocultures of fertilizer and pesticide dependent crops without a vast petrochemical infrastructure. Also, given the fact that they don’t even own the farms anymore is lost on them. The days of hitching up Clover and plowing the back 40 are long gone.

  • Those sun bears look like a cross between a regular black bear and a pit bull. Interesting.

    • george lastrapes

      World’s largest tardigrade.

  • TundraGrifter

    “Protesters in Durham pulled down a Confederate statute. Be like Durham, kids.”

    Be careful what you wish for. Very, very careful.

    • PubOption

      Be like Durham, rally!

      • SeeTrain65

        “Be like Dad, not like the SS.”

    • doktorzoom

      Some editors just won’t listen to their comments moderators.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Kurn

      This was actually told to the prison psychologist Gustave Gilbert. It wasn’t trial testimony. However, the words are just as significant today as they were in 1946.

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        Damned lying Canadians.

      • Alan

        That was in Nuremberg.

  • Rick Hill

    The internets at it again…these poor guys just get no respect.
    http://i.4cdn.org/b/1502804376170.jpg

    • Weird Fishes

      Great! Now they’re going to get bitten by mosquitoes!

      • Shirley Temples Dog

        If you get a ‘skeeter on your peeter, whack it off!

        (Sorry… couldn’t resist)

        • Weird Fishes

          It’s a classic; you’re forgiven.

          • Shirley Temples Dog

            No shit! Thats what I thought! Thanks for playing along!

    • bupkus231

      Dildos holding dildos…

      • therblig

        dildoception

        • Shirley Temples Dog

          Ok, Ima kinda stealing this from somebody from a couple of days ago:

          …. Wait for it….

          DILDONACHT!

          (Derived from “Citronellanacht” posted by ?)…. yeah ok bye…

    • Bill D. Burger
      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        The meme I had been waiting for.

    • coozledad

      Damn anti circumcision activists.

    • Rags

      Vanilla ISIS (stolen).

      • Saxo the Grammarian

        Good hook, but do you call *that* dancing???

    • Ickle Firsties

      I like the Hulk dildo, personally.

      • Shirley Temples Dog

        Me too! Once you go green, you’re always mean?

        Sorry again…. But fuck these fuckers…

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      “Come out and set your dicks on fire for White Supremacy!”

      (It’s not like you were using it anyway)

    • chezmoi

      What a crowd of flaming dicks.

      • Shirley Temples Dog

        Why does it hurt when I pee (march)?

        (RIP Frank Zappa….)

  • Weird Fishes

    I don’t think encouraging people to “Do a Durham” is going to help to keep things calm. I fear it may start doing the exact opposite.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    The Nazi prick at Washington State has resigned as president of the WSU College Republicans. http://pullmanradio.com/breaking-wsu-college-republican-president-resigns/

  • rosenbomb

    So the protester murderer is also a misogynist? Of course he was. White Supremacists are actually White (Male) Supremacists. The wimmenz are just there to breed and be deferential.

    • coozledad

      Joachim Fest was of the opinion that the Nazi heirarchy was a repressed homosexual cabal, but it’s hard to accept that as more than het distancing. Maybe liminal sexualized misogyny would be a more apt description.

      • Not that repressed, until “the night of the long knives” took the cabal out all at once.

    • Finnibar87

      He was a gamer, and Troll Bannon rallied gamer stink boys for Trump.

  • Carpe Vagenda
    • armed_bears

      link? Can’t find…

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Oh, nm, she didn’t.

    • Alan

      Are there any actual economists advising on economic policy?

    • I have a feeling several more companies are about to pull out if things worse. GOP is predicting they will have a tough time trying to ram through tax reform and and a repeal bill in September. Plus, Richard Spencer is planning a neo-Nazi college tour.

      • suziq

        Is Dick(head) Spencer trying to set a record for how many states he can get punched in?

  • Shibusa
    • Phoenixdoglover

      Chicken or rat? What else is on the menu?

    • HogeyeGrex

      I like the lapel pin.

  • HazooToo

    “of course…because [r]ace [w]ars are
    manufactured and fueled by the Establishment to distract from the
    economic problems that they have caused and profit from.”

    The fuck was the last time you fought in a race war, motherfucker?

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Wonder what voters he’s hoping to attract?

    • Bitter Scribe

      He was too busy inventing email. (No shit. He really claims that.)

  • puredog

    That Tay-Tay thingie that looks like a linkie no work.

    • Fixed!

      • Bitter Scribe

        Uhhh…no it ain’t. Not for me, at any rate.

        • Saxo the Grammarian

          Try refreshing the page.

          • Bitter Scribe

            OK that did it. Thanks.

  • Persistent Demme

    And what fresh hell greets me this morning?
    Coffee and Trump retweeting a cartoon that shows CNN getting run over by a train.
    Kill me now!

  • Panika MCD

    Dom,

    DHS is the Department of Homeland Security. they don’t provide pregnancy services to teenagers. you were thinking of HHS.

    love,
    Queen of Gov’t Acronyms & Failure of Textspeak

    • Ickle Firsties

      I was wondering how pregnant teens were endangering our national security. I thought it might be a Sigourney Weaver kind of situation.

      • Panika MCD

        do you also too fail to comprehend textspeak?

    • Ooof, fixing, thanks! I should know this, I used to be a research patient at NIH, and I’ve had family working there for decades. :(

      • Panika MCD

        it’s okay. I spent many months wondering why people kept referencing the Texas Department of Licensing and Regulation at the end of their posts because I was reading “TL;DR” wrong.

  • shocktreatment

    Dammit! Sped right through that headline, thought I was going to “Durham Topless Confederate Statue”…

  • Ickle Firsties

    Yay for Durham!
    Unless you live in NC, you can’t quite grasp how incredibly fucking brave that was.
    I never leave Charlotte. It costs a goddamn fortune to live here, but for the most part it’s a blue city and teeming with minorities, and I’m comfortable here.
    On the rare occasion I do leave the city, I’m immediately smacked in the face with rebel flags and rubes asking me if my Mexican husband beats me.

  • Panika MCD

    TX Happy News (because the rest is either sad or hilarious, but takes a ton of Texplainin’):

    within hours of the denizens of the Pink Dome calling for TX A&M Comptroller John Sharp to find a way ANY WAY that he could cancel Richard Spencer’s hate parade planned for 9/11, he found a way to do it!

    https://www.texastribune.org/2017/08/14/white-nationalist-rally-texas-m-has-been-canceled/

    you’re move, Florida. he’s planned a similar event at University of Florida for 9/12.

  • Donald Trump’s Justice Department Demands the IP Addresses of People Who Visited an Anti-Trump Website

    WWHD

    • chezmoi

      Wait, are you asking what Hoover would do?
      https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CX0WuPaWAAAQgUq.jpg

      • Horton

        • chezmoi

          Horton who?

          • Tiny kaiju

            No, no. Horton hears The Who and that inspires him to leave home to become a model for Dr. Seuss

          • chezmoi

            *grin*

      • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

        Needs moar feather boa.

    • Wookie Monster

      Now I want to go visit that site.

      • chezmoi

        Put on your VPN condom first, little monster.

  • chezmoi

    “Trump returned to his glass house that had to be surrounded by white trash trucks.”

    “White trash-trucks or white-trash trucks?” she mused.

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      Def the latter.

    • Shirley Temples Dog

      I hope the trucks are full of garbage! Hehe!
      …. And upwind…. ;-)

  • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

    Do you what else is manufactured and fueled by the Establishment to distract from the economic problems that they have caused and profit from?

    • phoenix00

      Garbage cans?

    • Tiny kaiju

      Reality TV?

    • chezmoi

      Us vs Them.

  • by an “alt-right” or Tea Party crazy.

    Or? I think it is time to admit that one of these things is JUST like the other.

  • Tiny kaiju

    I just read this:e.” Spencer said he believes conservatives resent him because he is more “intelligent” and “attractive” than they are.
    And then I aspirated my beverage because I was laughing so hard while trying to read this masterful piece of fantasy.

    • M.E. Lawrence

      If Spencer were my son, I’d drown him.

      • Tiny kaiju

        I’m endlessly embarrassed that I share my maiden name with that prentious little leech.

  • KevinShinn
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