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Yesterday the Washington Post published the cringeworthy details of Donald Trump’s phone call with Guam’s governor Eddie Calvo.

Eddie, I have to tell you, you’ve become extremely famous. All over the world, they’re talking about Guam, and they’re talking about you, and I think — tourism, I can say this, your tourism, you’re going to go up like tenfold with the expenditure of no money, so I congratulate you. … It just looks like a beautiful place.

Yes, because nothing says romantic getaway like a tiny island in the middle of the Pacific that just happens to have North Korean missiles trained on it!

“They should have had me eight years ago, or at least somebody with my thought process,” Trump said.

UH HUH.

The official White House readout of the call left out all the batshit crazy stuff.

President Donald J. Trump spoke yesterday with Guam Governor Eddie Calvo. President Trump reassured Governor Calvo and our fellow Americans on Guam that United States forces stand ready to ensure the safety and security of the people of Guam, along with the rest of America. White House Chief of Staff John Kelly spoke separately to Governor Calvo earlier in the day.

Luckily Eddie Calvo posted a video of the whole bonkers call to his own Facebook page.

Mr. President, as the governor of Guam, representing the people of Guam, and as an American citizen, I have never felt more safe or so confident, with you at the helm. So with all the criticism going on over there, from a guy that’s being targeted, we need a president like you, so I’m just so thankful, and I’m glad you’re holding the helm, sir.

Thanks, Eddie! We’re going to assume that you’re trying to mollify the crazy orange man with his finger on the button rather than speaking for your actual constituents.

Guam election results, via Wikipedia.

Americans discovered Guam this week after President Wingin’ It ad libbed some nonsense about raining fire and fury down on North Korea if Kim Jong Un doesn’t stop making threats against the United States.

North Korea hit back by announcing their plan to drop bombs in the waters surrounding Guam. Per The Guardian,

The general outlined a plan to carry out a demonstration launch of four intermediate-range missiles that would fly over Japan and then land in the sea around Guam, “enveloping” the island.

“The Hwasong-12 rockets to be launched by the KPA [Korean People’s Army] will cross the sky above Shimani, Hiroshima and Koichi prefectures of Japan,” the statement said. “They will fly for 3,356.7 km for 1,065 seconds and hit the waters 30 to 40km away from Guam.”

To which Donald Trump responded, “What the hell do we care if they bomb Guam?” PROBABLY.

It’s a common mistake.

Does anyone believe Donald Trump could find Guam on a map? Most of us would just point somewhere west of Hawaii, right? Although most of us aren’t provoking a controversy with a nuclear armed pariah state who could kill all 163,000 American citizens of Guam and 7,000 troops stationed at Anderson Air Force Base there, so there’s that.

Hey, Donald Trump (and AP)! Here’s the U.S. territory of Guam.

Oh, you can’t see it? How about now?

Where’s America on this map? Well, it didn’t fit, because Guam is 4,000 miles east WEST of Hawaii and 5,000 miles from California. 

But please, tell us more about how Americans will be whipping out their credit cards to buy tickets for the 12 hour flight from California to Guam! The Japanese will be so pleased to have those Korean missiles whizzing over their heads, they’ll book a vacation out of sheer gratitude!

Guam being only 210 square miles, this map is NOT TO SCALE.

In fact, Guam is only 2,400 miles from Pyongyang in North Korea. If it weren’t for the sanctions of the American war dogs, Kim Jong Un would be sunbathing in his Speedo on the beautiful beach at Tumon right now. Sexxxxy!

Okay, probably not. But if we had a real North Korea policy, Kim Jong Un might have stuck to threatening DC, which he can’t hit. Now he’s threatening to bomb the waters off Guam, and he definitely does have the range to shoot rockets there. Although North Korean missiles are notoriously inaccurate, so there’s a real chance North Korea could hit Guam by accident. Ooopsie!

For the record, we are highly skeptical that North Korea will drop a bomb anywhere near Guam. BUT … we are now relying on Possible Lunatic Kim Jong Un to think strategically, because we know that Definite Lunatic Donald Trump can’t do it.

Trump promised Guam’s governor that,

We are with you 1,000 percent. You are safe.

Which probably means he’ll tweet out orders to bomb North Korea next week after Bannon whispers some shit in his ear about Lil’ Kim making fun of his tiny hands. Hooray!!!

[WaPo / Guardian / ABC]

And that’s one to grow on! Now show us some love!

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  • TundraGrifter

    President Trump can hire the guy who promoted the failed music festival down in the Bahamas to spearhead this push for tourists. I think he has some extra time on his hands.

  • JMP

    The looks on the governor’s face while listening to Trump’s idiotic blather are just priceless.

    • Doctor Krieger

      The Guam governor is a Republican who endorsed Cruz and then Trump

      • meanlawyermom

        Probably shared it because he thought it made Trump look good.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Silly.
    Everybody knows the location of both the Guams.
    Chewing Guam and Bubble Guam reside on the underside surface of any writing desk.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      And where would I find the Guam Arabic?

      • Ill-Advised

        In Arabia, silly!

  • Larry Schmitt

    MaGuGA! (Make Guam Great Again)

    • Gina Bousquet

      Hi Larry! Long time no see. :)
      Did you have problems to sign up at the new Freak Out Nation? I have a WordPress account but cannot get in. Tried several times already.

      • Larry Schmitt

        Yes, I had the same problem. I finally was able to create a wordpress account, but the login is not recognized at the site. I’m disappointed. I don’t understand why they abandoned Disqus. It seemed to work fine for me. And I haven’t been able to find a suitable alternative to FON. Wonkette has too many users. I prefer a smaller, more friendly community.

        • Gina Bousquet

          It is very disappointing, indeed! If it’s happening to all posters their threads must be empty. I also feel more at home in small communities of regulars. But you could try Raw Story, it’s big but there are very fine friendly people. Once you get used you’re gonna love it there.
          I miss your wonderful one liners Larry. Hope everything is ok with you, friend.

          • Larry Schmitt

            I’ll give it a try. Thanks.

  • ManchuCandidate

    TrumpStar Games presents: Fallout 4: Guam

  • Manhattan123

    I was going to visit Chernobyl this year, but now I’m switching my holiday plans to Guam.

  • The Wanderer
  • Angela Ruzzo

    I know exactly where Guam is, because my brother was stationed there 45 years ago, and a friend taught school on a base there 20 years ago, and my niece was stationed there 5 years ago, and they all said it was hot and humid and crawling with bugs and they couldn’t wait to get out of there. I’m not sure if it was the island they were describing, or the Naval base, but either way it sounded unappealing.

    • The Wanderer
      • Angela Ruzzo

        Looks good to me, but then I live 900 miles from the nearest ocean. Both my friend and my niece who lived in Guam for 3 years complained bitterly that the humidity in Guam made it impossible to do anything with their hair, and women I know who visited Malaysia and Thailand say the same thing. But if you are on vacation and permanently parked at the beach, who cares what your hair looks like? Not me!

    • La forza del resistino

      Come to play with rats the size of pot-bellied pigs and stay for the millions of charming brown snakes.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Yuck!

    • Steve Cole

      I actually enjoyed Guam, but that is a minority opinion and I was ready for a change when my time was up.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        I suppose much depends on where one came from before going to Guam. My brother had spent 8 years in Hawaii, and everything is downhill after that. My friend went there from Denver and wasn’t prepared for the heat and humidity. My niece went there from Vermont, and ditto.

  • The Wanderer

    Kim Jong Un in a speedo.
    I wear a speedo.
    I own mirrors.
    I think that Kim wearing a speedo would be a moral crime.

    • SeeTrain65

      It’s a thought crime, too. Because it’s horrendous to think about.

  • Bananas Foster

    We vacationed in Guam (and Saipan and Palau) when we lived in Asia. It’s gorgeous.

    But, yeah, we were flying from Japan.

    • Baconzgood

      When my uncle worked for NASA he was stationed there. He said there were lots of bats there.

      • Bananas Foster

        Not at the beach. ;)

        • Baconzgood

          People ate ’em there. He said they weren’t as bad as he imagined. Also said he saw a 12 year old knock a bird out of the sky with a rock. “Major League baseball needs scouts out there”

          • Bananas Foster

            Man, I wouldn’t want to be the one hunting and handling bats.

            They often carry rabies!

          • Baconzgood

            I seem to recall him saying it was rabies free. But that was in the late 60s

          • Raan

            Fun Fact: The rabies virus can’t survive longer than a couple of minutes above 120° Fahrenheit.

          • Baconzgood

            Interesting. So I could eat a rabid coon.

          • fifthdentist

            If you cooked him real good!

          • Baconzgood

            I like my racoon rare.

          • Eileen Besse

            I’ve heard that, too.

      • TundraGrifter

        There’s an interesting ecological story about roof rats and brown snakes on Guam.

      • Steve Cole

        That is true. My squadron det on Guam kept a fruit bat as the mascot.

    • Stulexington

      Guam, come for the beaches, stay for the constant threat of being caught in the middle of an international pissing match.

  • Jo Mathie

    “We are with you 1,000 percent. You are safe.”
    Why does Trump sound like a used car salesman trying to pretend the car he’s selling them won’t explode?

    • Stulexington

      Because he can’t talk like a normal human being, he can only speak conman.

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        Badly.

        • Anntwiggins

          Select55b

          Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family! :!af95d:
          On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
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    • Seamus Romney

      Because “ABC”. Always be closing.

      • therblig

        65 million of us would like to give him his steak knives.

        • Komsumverweigerer Ron

          Thanks to Da Rulez we’re not allowed to say where we’d like to give them to him.

      • As that National Review article rightly put it, if you saw the film of _Glengarry Glen Ross_ and came away wanting to be Alec Baldwin, holy shit did you get the wrong message.

        • H0mer0

          They got something right? I thought it would be like Alex in “Clockwork Orange” when he imagined being one of the Roman Guards beating Jeebus on the Via Dolorosa

    • TundraGrifter

      “With you” in a metaphorical sense, of course. Not “with you” like actually being there and running the risk of getting fried.

    • SeeTrain65

      “We’re all behind you. About 8,000 miles behind you.”

  • Baconzgood

    I know tourism went through the roof at Bikini Atoll.

    • Doug Langley

      It brought down the house.

      • TundraGrifter

        It was a blast.

    • Khavrinen

      I hear tourism in Guam is really going to mushroom.

      • SeeTrain65

        It’s a booming industry.

      • Baconzgood

        Hahahaha.

        I get that.

    • You’re thinking of NO-Bikini-At-All.

  • GoutMachine

    Ah, yes, that’s really the most important thing here. Becoming famous.

  • JustDon’tSayDignity

    Uh, $5F? Guam is WEST of Hawai’i.

    • The Wanderer

      Like Krakatoa, East of Java.

      • TundraGrifter

        Did you read the book by Simon Winchester? Fascinating!

        • H0mer0

          I learned it from the B52s.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos
    • OrG in London

      Or East if you go the other way. Lot farther tho.

    • Fivedollarfeminist

      Damnation! I fix now! Thank you.

      • JustDon’tSayDignity

        Apparently, most of your readers thought you did that on purpose.

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        Be honest, you confused it with Krakatoa, didn’t you?

        • SeeTrain65

          “By the way, it’s East of Leamington.”

        • H0mer0

          I forgot to read downthread

          • Komsumverweigerer Ron

            We all do. I put it down to GMTA.

  • Jennifer R

    What if he launches a missile, and it goes so badly off course it hits China? They don’t have a choice but to react to that. He had one freak out and land rear Russia, though I guess Putin would be fine with losing some people if it makes everything look less like there was involvement there.

  • Ωbjectifier

    Yes, because nothing says romantic getaway like a tiny island in the middle of the Pacific that just happens to have North Korean missiles trained on it!

    Romantic? Not so much. The troops say Guam stands for Give Up And Masterbate.

  • Juan de Fuca

    I’ve kissed mermaids, rode the El Nino
    Walked the sand with the crustaceans
    Could find my way to Mariana-ahh-ah-ahh…

    https://youtu.be/BihjWa47WuM

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Don’t blame me. I voted for Jindal.

    • TundraGrifter

      Don’t blame me. I voted for Summer.

      • JustDon’tSayDignity

        Don’t blame me. I voted for Pedro.

        • SeeTrain65

          Don’t blame me. I voted to let the Rabbit have the Trix.

          • Khavrinen

            Don’t blame me, I voted for Mountain Dew: White Out.

          • SeeTrain65

            “J’accuse!”

          • Komsumverweigerer Ron

            That was you?

    • Grokenstein

      Don’t blame me! I stayed home and pouted!

  • SadDemInTex
    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      Good thinking, Radithor people. Make sure the water you dose with toxic heavy metals is pure.

      • That’s how you know it’s healthy!

        • Grokenstein

          The secret is the triple-distillation! Twice isn’t enough!
          (Seriously, though, anyone who hasn’t done so already should read the wiki on Radithor…and its most noted victim.)

          • The Librarian

            The Wall Street Journal article describing the Byers incident was titled “The Radium Water Worked Fine Until His Jaw Came Off”!!!!!!11!!!1!!!!

          • “The Radium Water Worked Fine Until His Jaw Came Off” is one hell of a headline.

  • Baconzgood

    I like how he had to remind Trump that he was an American citizen. Unlike those filthy Puerto Ricans or Samoans.

    • therblig

      i can’t speak for the puerto ricans, but those samoans make some damn fine cookies.

      • Baconzgood

        They both can do the “Humpty Hump” I heard Digital Underground verify it.

      • TundraGrifter

        And some rather large offensive and defensive line men.

    • Phried Ω

      American Samoans are not U.S. Citizens. They are U.S. Nationals and no one seems to know what that means except they can’t vote in national elections and their judiciary answers to the Secretary of the Interior.

      • H0mer0

        they could provide legal advice to Hunter S. Thompson (RIP)and their nickname for a person from Maui was “defendant.”

      • David Roosa

        Don’t forget Swains island

  • TJ Barke

    Nazi riots, territories under threat of nuclear bombardment… Is America great again or what?

    • Seamus Romney

      STOP! STOP all this fucking winning!

      • OrG in London

        Well, tRump DID say you’d be sick of winning.

        • handyhippie65

          ok, i’m sick of it.

  • Baconzgood

    I wonder how quickly Trump would capitulate to Kim if he had a casino in Guam?

    • Phried Ω

      It depends on whether it was losing money and if other investors money was at stake in stead of his own.

  • TundraGrifter

    A tourist buying a round-trip ticket to Guam right now makes about as much sense as a guest star buying a round-trip ticket on the USS Enterprise. They never lasted until the end of the episode. You’d think that, after awhile, word would have gotten out.

    • Doug Langley

      “Here’s your outfit, a nice clean red shirt!”

      “Oh . . . NOOOOOO . . .”

      • handyhippie65

        red? but blue is my color, i’m a winter.

        • Ill-Advised

          You’re one of those commie liberal sciency types? Of course you are, it’s right there in your nym. Welcome aboard!

  • Juan de Fuca

    You have to admit that Kim Jong-un threatening to attack Guam sounds at least more strategic than Don Jong-un threatening to attack Venezuela. I mean, their dear leader might be a bigger dipshit than our own but their dipshit could beat ours in a board game of Risk, so good job America. He’d probably sink all of Trump’s Battleships too.

    • Tony Prost

      Well, Ronald Reagan invaded Grenada.

      • Phried Ω

        Proving that “The Mouse That Roared” was understated.

  • TundraGrifter

    Why is the leader of North Korea posing in front of a banner with the symbol of the Teutonic Knights?

    • handyhippie65

      he likes him some nazis?

      • TundraGrifter

        The Teutonic Knights were (and, I believe, still are) a religious order. They took vows of chastity, etc. Hardly Nazis.

        • handyhippie65

          true, hitler just tried to glomb on to their legend. more proof the wonkatariot is the smarted bunch of non commenters to not comment.

          • TundraGrifter

            The SS did the same thing when they coopted the death’s head symbol on their badge, seeking a link that really wasn’t there.

            The British Death and Glory Boys (the 17th Lancers) had almost the same symbol on their badge. The “House of Windsor” was a made-up name because “Hanover” sounded too Germanic.

  • Roni Raven, Undercovfefe Agent
    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      The ‘Call of Duty’ call-out adds a certain piquancy to the burn.

      • Mattiebgrant

        Spin64b

        Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family! :!ag164d:
        On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
        :!ag16s4d:
        ➽➽
        ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialJobsCash454MarketVenture/Pay$97/Hour ★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★:::::!ag164l..,.

    • HooverVilles

      ^^^^THIS^^^^

  • SeeTrain65

    Based on that first picture, the flat earthers are probably bitching about having to fly so far east just to get to Guam.

  • JustDon’tSayDignity
  • Komsumverweigerer Ron

    I am embarrassed to admit that I did not know Guam is where it is. For some reason I thought it was further north and east.
    Wonkette. Come for the recipes, stay for the geography lesson.

    • “Further north and east” is a LOT closer, I’d imagine than the people praising Trump for all of this could get it. For my own part, I just knew it was somewhere kinda’ pacific-y, Asia-y, you know?

    • theCryptofishist

      I had a pretty good idea. And the length of time to fly there is no joke–although I think you set off from Hawaii. Some of those islands only get one flight a week. Not going to crank up to tourist haven real quickly. And the water is a single source aquifer…

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        Hmm. I don’t think there’s gonna be a Sandals resort there any time soon.

  • Lyly Sirivong

    The only reason I knew about Guam before all this is Yakko Warner.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x88Z5txBc7w

    • H0mer0

      He said “Palestine”
      How old is this?(I remember having a globe growing up which still had Tibet as a separate country from China.)

      • Lyly Sirivong

        Animaniacs was on when I was a teenager, so 20-25 years old, maybe ?

      • Petunia Cat

        Israel and various hunks of territory around it was called Palestine from the middle ages until 1947. Palestine was what Alexander the great and the British Empire called what in the Bible is called Canaan.

        And the name Palestine is from is a Greek or Latin, I forget which, version of Philistia. Where the Philistines lived. And the Philistines were Minoans. So put that in your brain instead of that Christian bullshit about them being tacky. 🤔

        More Philistine stuff: Philistia is where Gaza is now. The Philistines finally bought the farm at the hands of I think the Assyrians at Askelon. Or as it’s now pronounced Ashkelon.

        • H0mer0

          Ah, Wonkette:
          come for the dick jokes, stay for the history lessons (although admittedly not peer reviewed and unbiased.) Now if we could just step up our outreach on dick lessons….

      • Doctor No More.

        It was in 1993 (specifically Sept. 14, 1993) – the second episode of the show

        The episode also had the Pinky and the Brain episode where Brain goes to win money on GYP-PARODY!.

      • Brian Bixby

        My grandmother had a globe that showed ‘French West Africa’, Portuguese Southwest Africa, and ‘Belgian Congo’. It wasn’t much use in our geography homework.

        • H0mer0

          Reminds me of when I had a roommate of Italian extraction and I always got better grades than her since her family taught her their dialect instead of Tuscan Italian.

  • anon_the_great

    Uh, the Korean feller isn’t the crazy one here. The tender mercies Murica bestowed on Libya and Iraq prove it.

  • ken_kukec

    Gotta say I knew where Guam is. My old man was there for a little set-to in the summer of ’44. He’d point it out on the globe to my brother and me when he’d barge into our bedroom to tell us to turn that goddam music down.

  • Grokenstein

    Stationed at Andersen AFB (Guam) for a year and a half waaaaay back in the late ’80s. Some fun facts from back then (some may no longer be facts):
    1. Rather than ship in gravel, the locals apparently made road pavement out of ground-up coral? Microorganisms continued to live in the stuff, and every time it rained, they made the surface slimy and slick AF. Crashes galore! Andersen itself brought in gravel.
    2. …And it rains ALL THE TIME. In addition to maintaining an 80-degree minimum year-round–probably worse now–Guam is in what amounts to a super-popular bowling lane in typhoon territory. I don’t care to imagine what would result it you set off a nuke in a hurricane.
    3. Every car on the island is a wreck, but not just because of the roads. The ocean air eats cars up. Andersen has/had a “lemon lot” for airmen to get a cheap piece of deteriorating used shit to toodle around in if they wanted.
    4. IF they wanted. Going off-base was gently discouraged at the time. Because of its location, Guam is/was Japan’s Hawaii. To the chagrin of oldsters who remembered WWII, the island generally catered to wealthy Japanese and disdained the “occupying” Americans from the base.
    5. Andersen was unfairly accused of “stealing” the “good” beach. In reality, locals and tourists alike treated the rest of the island’s beaches like an open-air toilet and garbage dump while Andersen would come down HARD on any airman trashing its beach.

    Ugh. Beautiful scenery, but I don’t miss it. Next assignment was Misawa AB Japan, where I enjoyed foot-deep snowdrifts in winter and loved it.

    • (((Aron)))

      So glad to hear another person use the term ‘toodle around.’ It’s one of my favorite words.

      TOODLE TOODLE TOODLE

    • georgiaburning

      I was there for a few years as a teen-age military brat. That straight stretch of road south from Andersen was a real adventure at night after a rain. Also there were some decent beaches by the Naval Station but you had to wear sand shoes in the water because of the sharp coral

    • Viva La Tabula Raza

      I was there 84-85 on USS White Plains. Loved the diving, Talafofo Falls, etc. Beach at the Navy base was pretty nice, but I liked the one at Anderson better, sitting at the foot of that big ass cliff. Too hot, humid, and buggy to ever consider living there full time, though. Hafa Adai!

  • azeyote

    nuke it till it glows – surf it in the dark

  • The Librarian

    Guam, Guam, Guam
    Please don’t bomb Guam 🇬🇺!!

  • Celtic_Gnome

    1,065 seconds from NK to Guam by rocket. 17 minutes. Barely enough time to bend over and kiss your ass goodbye.

    Barely enough time if you want to do it properly, that is.

    • Kooolest G

      Steve Bannon could do it, from what the mooch tells me

      • Peripatetic Poltroon

        I dunno. Autofellatio is easier that autofelching. Or so I’ve heard. I have no experience with that, nope, none.

    • John Thorstensen

      If you could do that, you could forsee your own end.

  • I saw on the german news (thanks, PBS!) that people in Guam are stocking up and being told not to look directly in the bright flash.
    And I so had the itch to start singing duck and cover

    • theCryptofishist

      How the fuck are you suppose to know there’s about to be a bright flash that you shouldn’t look at? Oh well, we could be told to dig a hole, put a door in it and cover it with earth, I suppose.

      • John Thorstensen

        I suppose that if the bomb is big enough, the fireball takes a few seconds to come up to full brightness. However, the small nukes that N. Korea has would go to full brightness in what would seem to be an instant. That’s what happened to all those poor Japanese.

        Here’s hoping Mueller works fast and well.

  • Carpe Vagenda
    • Rachel Book Harlot

      Christ. What an asshole.

  • Zyxomma

    When I was in my teens, my first serious boyfriend was a former military brat, who spent a few years on Guam with his Marine MP father. He hated his father; he absolutely loved Guam. RIP, Jhonnie.

  • Jeff Mc Donald

    Just my perspective of course, but this idea of shooting rockets close to someone and hoping you don’t actually hit them seems right up there with stuff your mom warned you to never do. You know, like running with scissors, or voting Republican. Anywho, I’m sure if everyone is careful nothing will go wrong. And if there’s a tiny mistake, the President will take care of it. If he has a golf course in Guam.

    • Brian Bixby

      Well, considering the quality of their guidance systems they’ll probably aim directly at the island, hoping they’ll manage to get within a thousand miles. Of course since their failure rate on launches is about 1 in 3 it’s not like Guam has a lot to worry about, especially since the payload on the missiles is much lower than the actual weight of their nukes.

  • Maybe

    The only tourist likely to be attracted to Guan currently would be Mad Max.

  • Petunia Cat

    Hey, I KNEW where Guam was. What I didn’t know is the Philippines is practically in Indonesia?! When the fuck did that happen.

    Also the Korean Peninsula is the uvula in a mouth in which Japan is the tongue.

    More useful cartography: the most inland part of the Yellow Sea Looks like Goofy™ wearing a fez.

    I have loved Guam ever since I learned that if people flee there to avoid paying child support the Guam authorities just straight up arrest ’em. No pissing about pretending it somehow doesn’t count like in some shitty state like let’s say Texas. 🇬🇺 🌴🐟🐠🦈🐋🐡

  • motmelere

    Isn’t Guam one of those islands in the middle of the Pacific Ocean where judges should really matter?

  • unionthuggery

    Hey, remember all of those assholes shouting about how Hillary was a warmonger? Where are they now? Fuckers.

    • HooverVilles

      B-b-b-but her emailzzzz
      &
      don’t forget noun – verb – Benghazi !!!!

  • Odd Jørgensen

    “we`re with you a thousand %!” just 10x what is realistically possible, and from a safe distance. The words of a true idjit.

  • BadExampleMan
  • theCryptofishist

    I’ll just leave this here… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iY1mAlFjJTw

  • Anntwiggins

    Select56b

    Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family! :!af96d:
    On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
    :!af96:
    ➽➽
    ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialJobsCash38s6HomeDelta/Pay$97/Hour ★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★:::::!af96l..,.

  • OnwardCatLady

    Thanks for the map, next time someone asks me where Guam is, I can say something more specific than “in the atlantic. No wait. That’s Puerto Rico. Guam, in the pacific, kinda by Australia?”

  • fawkedifiknow

    Other than that campaign ad with the fighter bombers taking off and warning voters about putting Trump in office, who could have predicted this shitshow?

  • Guam: The perfect getaway to kiss your ass goodbye or maybe MORE?
    https://media.giphy.com/media/HhTXt43pk1I1W/200.gif

    Duck and Cover

  • phoenix00

    For all you travel and aviation geeks: our favorite airline United operates an island hopper from Honolulu to Guam, stopping at un-Trumpable US territories such as Kwajalein, Kosrae, Pohnpei, Majuro, and Chuuk.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kNwiyzeF46k

  • Olav_Pompatus

    I think this should be the romantic island music theme song that accompanies the tourist promotion: https://youtu.be/15YgdrhrCM8

  • Wes

    On the plus side, if WW3 was sparked and Guam was bombed, it would most certainly take care of their brown tree snake problem.

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