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Huck’s North Korea joke really bombed. Get it? BOMBED.

Mike Huckabee’s brought his comedy stylings to the electric Twitter box again, and as always, he manages to take a timely topic, add a rightwing obsession, and come up with pure comedic gold:

Get it? Maxine Waters is such an annoying ol’ liberal biddy that after just a little time talking with her, Kim Jong Un would drink a nice cup of neuorotoxin, am I right, folks? Sadly, it wasn’t a video, so we missed out on what no doubt would have been Huck’s hilarious Maxine Waters impression.

Huckabee’s joke-like utterances are pretty sophisticated; the important element is to drag in some cliche from rightwing blog comments and adapt it to Current Events, like this pair of witticisms about Al Gore’s new movie, which is failing at the box office because Americans know global warming is hooey:

We’d like to offer our readers their very own Mike Huckabee Tweet Generator: Just take any current event, add in a nonsequitur about some figure rightwingers can’t stand, and you’ve got a joke. Extra points if you can throw in an ethnic stereotype!

OK, let’s try a riff on the FBI raid of Paul Manafort’s home:

“The FBI raided Hillary Clinton’s home to look for her 30K missing emails, but all they found was a stained blue dress.”

See? It’s easy to be as funny as Mike Huckabee, since you don’t really have to think much at all. Let’s try another, maybe about Manafort’s son-in-law, who’s talking to federal prosecutors:

“It’s terrible the feds made Manafort’s SIL testify against him. I’d never testify against my dog-killing son. Benghazi!”

Fine, they can’t all be classics.

Yr Wonkette would like to encourage the former governor and failed presidential candidate to step up his comedy game: If he can put together a 15 minute set and not get booed off the stage during open mic night at any major New York comedy club — The Comedy Cellar, Gotham Comedy Club, Old Man Hustle, or People’s Improv, let’s say — we will award him $3150. That’ll be paid by Jim Hoft, the Stupidest Man on the Internet, who owes us. We doubt Huck would be up to it, though:

See, he would not want to do comedy in a foreign country that is not even America, haw-haw! Sorry, Huck. If you want to collect Jim Hoft’s money, an appearance in Branson doesn’t count.

Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations. Please click the “Donate” linky to help us buy a brick wall for Huck to stand in front of.

[Mike Huckabee on Twitter]

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  • Michael R

    Conservative human is meant to make you lose hope in humanity .

  • bbayliss

    sack ‘o spuds

  • BosGrl

    What the absolute fuck is wrong with this man? Like, he really needs therapy and a brain MRI.

  • blarg

    He needs to get her name out of his mouth. He’s not worthy.

  • Vincent Ricola

    Does Mike even have a job anymore or is he keeping himself relevant by piggybacking on his daughter’s nepotistic “successes”?

    • BosGrl

      I have a smidgen of empathy for Sister Sarah. Imagine having to grow up with that wit around the dinner table?

      • Vincent Ricola

        Yeah. She didn’t stand a chance.

      • blarg

        To say nothing of being stuck with your dad’s face. Poor thing.

      • onedollarjuana

        Jeez, and squirrel for dinner three times a week, too.

        • Celtic_Gnome

          Hey! It tastes like chicken.

    • jesterpunk

      His last job was defending the Duggar kid sexually assaulting his sisters. Somehow that was liberals fault for being offended.

  • MynameisBlarney

    I fucking hate racist shit-kickers with the heat of 1000 Suns.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Especially when they come wrapped in self-righteous, evil-spirited piety.

  • Elvis Causticfellow

    I refer to Huckabee as The Gallagher of Dad Jokes every chance I get, and yet it has still never really taken off.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      We still love you.

  • armed_bears

    Yeah! I am happy to say that my nagging worry America may retain racist vestiges has been eliminated. Not a worry anymore! Yeah!

  • Zonath

    “Scaramucchi comparing Ryan Lizza to Linda Tripp reminds me of the time I received a blowjob from my sister while I was violating my mother anally with a cigar. The Aristocrats.”

  • ManchuCandidate

    Mad Max is a lot tougher than Gomer “Full Metal Jacket” Pyle Huckabee ever could be.

  • Proud Liberal

    Mike Huckabee: Where fleas go home to die.

  • Wild Cat

    I like Huckabee. He’s living proof that gods are a myth and only serve to enrich the cynical and enslave the stupid.

  • wide_stance_hubby

    So, this is how he pretends he’s a president of something?

    • Proud Liberal

      Let’s just face it. Twitter is good for some people, just not him.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Twitter is good for no one except Jack Dorsal’s bottom line.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      I think that something is the Confederacy.

      • PubOption

        The Confederacy of Dunces.

  • Michael Smith

    Well, by the time he gets to New York, boy his arms are gonna be tired!

    • therblig

      why, does he have nude melania shots on his iphone?

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Take my sister-wife… please!

  • Belasaurius

    …….what an asshole

  • Latverian Diplomat

    This just in: Trump misunderstands joke, proposes diplomatic delegation to NK made up entirely of ignorant red necks (“as far from Maxine Waters as you could get–that’s a great idea”). Huckabee shits pants.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      But as to pants, analysts can’t tell if it was another Huckabee comment or a shart run amok. Probably AOTK

  • ariel_gee_398

    Huckabee is not smart, creative, charming, attractive, or funny. There is no good reason for him to have any sort of success or wealth in life. I can only assume he made some sort of Faustian bargain. I wonder when his bill comes due.

    • Proud Liberal

      One day he will die and I hope it’s a painful death.

      • Three Finger Salute

        ….of votes

  • Proud Liberal
    • MynameisBlarney

      There will be massive fucking protests if they fucking try that stupid shit.

      • Elvis Causticfellow

        Giuliani floated it and got promptly kicked to the curb, but that was in NotAmerica New York.

        • Three Finger Salute

          Also, it depends on what one defines as an “illegal” or “voter fraud.” In the GOP’s case and that of their jackbooted thugs, it means Democrats voting at all.

    • Three Finger Salute

      The Hill’s summation didn’t stop there, but affirmed that nearly equal
      numbers of Republicans—47 percent—think Trump won the popular vote.

      Those 47 percent of Americans who just won’t take responsibility for their own lives!

  • Blackest Noobs

    it’s kinda funny how FATTERbee professes how he’s such a good Christian but has yet to prove his “christianyness” by acting Christian…well you know following the “golden rule.”

    but alas this the American way…to be white and a complete fucking hypocrite.

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    He sounds like a high school bully but nothing really sticks because unlike him the others have grown up and live grown up lives.

  • lucidamente

    We missed out on what no doubt would have been Huck’s hilarious Maxine Waters impression.

    Especially since it involves the liberal use of shoe polish.

    • ariel_gee_398

      Does shoe polish cause decreased brain function? This is a real chicken or egg dilemma.

  • Cranky Man

    Please, someone capture the scene next time the former guvuhnor and the actual sitting, election won, Congress lady cross paths. Huckabee was in office for 11 years, but it was Arkansas, so….
    Mrs. Waters has been in one office or another since Moses got caught setting a bush on fire.

  • Bananas Foster

    If the coasts don’t count as America, why does ‘Merca get to keep all our tax dollars?

  • Mehmeisterjr

    He even makes a dog “joke.” How do you say “What a putz!” in Southern?

    • The Wanderer

      “Bless his heart.”

    • Werewolf

      “That boy ain’t right.”

    • Celtic_Gnome

      “How do you say stupid in Texan?”

      Cowby Bepob The Movie

  • puredog

    How ’bout this, Mike: “I’d trust Bernie Sanders with my tax dollars like I’d trust my son with my labrador!”

    • Lisacmckinnon

      Creations48b

      Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family! :!ad198d:
      On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
      :!ad198:
      ➽➽
      ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialJobsCash488MediaLook/Pay$97/Hour ★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★:::::!ad198l..,…..

  • arglebargle

    Noted Ted Nugent fellator spews filth. Color me shocked.

    • The Wanderer

      “Spews filth?” So Chucklefuck spits?

  • DerrickWildcat

    Jesus is garbage because of Kirk Cameron’s terrible movies.

    • Three Finger Salute

      And there is no God, because Alan Thicke is dead.

  • Belasaurius

    I can’t wait to see the look oh his face when he stands before Jesus, who takes a look at him, gives him the thumbs down and a trap door opens and off the Huck goes to hell.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Do video cameras work at The Gates? Please!

    • Joe Beese

      There’s a lever with a handle-release that St. Peter uses to open the trapdoor. There’s a mechanical sound as it operates. Then the fading scream of the damned soul as it plunges into the abyss.

  • blarg

    I don’t have Twitter, but just peeked in at that thread and it is lit. Almost makes me want to sign up for the electronic tweeting machine. Almost.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Meh, not worth my time. I block that noise in my firewall and hosts file. Zuck the Schmuck and Jackass Dorsey can go eat 140-characters’ worth of votes, and stick their thumbs-up where the glow of the iPhone screen don’t shine.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    I had a bad case of the Huckabees once. Had to sit on a foam doughnut for a month.

    • weejee

      So that’s where Preparation-H™ got its name.

    • Iron Monkey

      I had a case of Huckabees. The ointment I got for it said “For external use only”.

      My neighbors were not happy.

    • PubOption

      Some people (heart) Huckabee’s.

    • Three Finger Salute

      You had to sit on Mike Huckabee?

  • Joe Beese

    As a child of the 80s, I have always been preoccupied with nuclear war. But much has changed since The Fate of the Earth described our future as “a republic of insects and grass”.

    The Cold War is over(-ish). Treaties like New START have dramatically reduced the number of deployed warheads. And the much increased accuracy of missiles has made multi-megaton warheads a thing of the past.

    So what are the outer limits of our nuclear peril today? An anti-nuke group modelled…

    … a Russian nuclear retaliatory attack using mobile intercontinental ballistic missiles, the Topol-25 and Topol-M, and multiple independently-targeted reentry vehicle-equipped RS-24 missiles. The retaliation scenario consisted of 145 total nuclear warheads – 37 warheads fitted to either the Topol-25 or Topol-M, each with a 550-kiloton yield, and 108 warheads fitted to RS-24 missiles, each with a 250-kiloton yield.

    Targeting population centers, with optimal burst altitude to maximize fatalities, we’re looking at 22 million dead. (My home of Salt Lake City coming off worse than most with 62% fatalities.)

    http://www.globalzero.org/files/estimatedfatalitiesfromrussiannuclearretaliation.pdf

    No doubt millions more would die of related effects: fallout, blast or burn injuries, the collapse of the economy, etc. But it still wouldn’t approach the 20% population loss North Korea endured from 1950 through 1953.

    And look what a strong, proud country North Korea is today.

    • jesterpunk

      The GOP might take that number as a challenge when they come up with their next healthcare bill.

    • bupkus231

      Careful – this kinda thinking leads to the idea that a nuclear war is survivable – which would undermine the main deterrent ( Cold War or not ) to use.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Salt Lake City isn’t Republican enough to be “saved.” Mormons, as teetotaler and homophobic as they are (although supposedly there’s something of a reformation going on…?), aren’t really white-nationalist Christians (Mia Love exists, and Mittens’ grandpa had a polygamist colony in Mexico). Therefore, even Salt Lake City would be considered acceptable “collateral damage” in a nuclear war, at least according to today’s NSGOP.

  • SeeTrain65

    Charlie Pierce talks often about how Ronald Reagan fed Conservatives “the monkey brains” which caused the Republican’s Prion Disease.

    Mike Huckabee is one of the few who took that feeding literally.

  • Fartknocker

    I remember when Fuckabee was Gubnor and the Governor’s House (it’s not a mansion in Arkansas because multiple-syllable words are not part of the home school curriculum) was being renovated. He was proud to temporarily reside in a double wide mobile home. Mike is nothing more than a mixture of Jeb! on policy, Christie on food, and Stein on irrelevant bloviating bullshit. His only original thought was to put sausage gravy on a jelly roll at the Cracker Barrel.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Don’t worry about dogs around a Korean restaurant, fucknuts. Your son probably already tortured them to death.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Talk about screwing the pooch. Hey-O!

  • jesterpunk

    Huckabee’s movie was so good that 4 million people sued him over it.

    http://www.thedailybeast.com/four-million-people-can-sue-for-mike-huckabees-christmas-movie-robocall

    By the way Mike, next time you use a song for one of your so called Christian friends make sure to use a conservative band so they dont sue your ass.

    http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/mike-huckabee-settles-eye-of-the-tiger-lawsuit-for-25-000-20160627

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Stealing music is a real Party of Personal Responsibility special.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    The only thing “funny” about Huckabee is that he thinks he’s relevant.

    • weejee

      He’s even less relevant than his daughter Sarah.

  • Scooby

    In his defense he is the second funniest conservative comedian.

    • Wookie Monster

      I’m trying to think of who would be number one and I’m coming up blank.

      Even Dennis Miller is less funny.

      • Paperless Tiger

        The first is Reagan, and he’s dead.

        • Skeptical_thinker

          Still funnier than Huck-and-spit.

      • Scooby

        George Will…he’s hysterical.

        • Three Finger Salute

          Moar like George Won’t, amirite?!?

      • SeeTrain65

        Certainly not Greg Gutfield or Steven Crowder.

  • FlemmishSpy

    Huck should lay off the murdered dog jokes. Just sayin’.

  • Wookie Monster

    I’d trust my dog with a North Korean chef more than I’d trust her with a Huckabee.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      It makes sense. NKns don’t really eat dog, while Huckabee’s son actually tortured and killed [at least] one

    • Three Finger Salute

      Bork bork Nork!

  • Wuulf

    We should be dropping millions of portable DVD players with the Interview installed on them all across NK.

    • doktorzoom

      Pretty sure that would be a war crime.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Team America then?

  • Jgb979

    If Kim decides to nuke Twitter headquarters I promise we won’t retaliate even in the slightest.

    Where else where failed comedians and sociopaths of all stripes go for ego gratification?

    • John Frum

      The White House.

      • TakingAmes

        Ba DUM Tsssss

  • dshwa

    What an asshole.

  • Skeptical_thinker

    OT. sorta: Stock up now:

    http://news.nationalgeographic.com/2017/08/antarctica-fruitcake-scott-terra-nova/

    in case we have a nuke exchange program with North Korea.

  • Sure, Mike. NYC and LA are ‘foreign’ and ‘un-American’ cities. Maybe you’d like ‘real’ America to do without the 2 trillion dollars we generate every year?

    • (((fka_donnie_d)))

      Like I said yesterday, if you think that people who live in your country and vote in your elections are foreigners, maybe you should gtfo to somewhere more in tune with your politics. Like Apartheid-Era South Africa maybe.

      As we saw in the last elections, we out number them.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    I have a flight to California. I can’t get a direct flight — they said I have to stop at the Empire State Building first.

    Try the borscht, people!

  • The Wanderer
  • Rick Hill

    The stoopid…it burns!!

    • OutOfOrbit

      and it’s getting worse every day

  • Carole
  • OutOfOrbit

    i am beginning to believe that there are not enough of us (on the left) to beat down the stupid that has taken hold here in USAUSAUSA!

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    Huckabee? Nope. Huckawas. Fade back into obscurity, asshole.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Huck-a-Was-Not-Was doesn’t even believe the dinosaur ever existed.

      • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

        That’s hilarious because he is one!

    • John Frum

      Huckahasbeen.

  • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

    He’s at the age where your the lines on your face give away a lot about your life- the way the lines around his mouth turn down indicate a mean, bitter, man.

    • cmd resistor

      Yeah I always found him mean and snarky (in a bad way) for someone who was supposed to be all folksy and Christiany.

    • John Frum

      Also the lines out of his mouth.

    • Erala Contratista

      Isn’t that a True!
      Know some Big Shots who apparently are unaware their real selves are right there, on the front of their heads.
      Thanks Dog!

  • Mavenmaven

    He prefers Arkansas over NY/LA, because in AK inbreeding is more acceptable.

    • Antonin Dvorak

      Arkansas is AR; Alaska is AK.

      Sincerely,
      Antonin Dvorak
      VP, Geography Pedants Society of America (the country not the Continent)

      • SeeTrain65

        “And by America, the country not the Continent, we include Alaska and Hawaii because, of course, they were admitted as states.”

        Sincerely,
        SeeTrain65
        Recording Secretary, GPSoA

        • Komsumverweigerer Ron

          Since when?
          – Birthers

    • Villago Delenda Est

      In AK they inbreed with Mama Grizzlies.

      • Mavenmaven

        Thanks, corrected

  • Me not sure

    15th is actually quite good for a limited release documentary in a summer of blockbusters. That is the nature of the movie business and has nothing to do with the truth or falsity of the film’s content. How well, I wonder, did Cecil B. DeSouza’s last epic do?

    • Three Finger Salute

      Documentaries are thinky, and as such tend to do poorly in a country that requires all movies to have no plot or character development and 100% Exploding Tittybots.

    • Serai 1

      There were blockbusters this summer? I had no idea. I lost interest in movies when the majority started being kiddie films about men in tights and warmed-over sequels of stuff that was crap to begin with.

      • Me not sure

        IN this case, a wonderful woman in a bustier and a bunch of Brits stuck on a beach in Belgium.
        Brits in Belgium sounds more up your alley.

        • Serai 1

          *shrug* From what I’ve heard, that woman wasn’t nearly as wonderful as everyone kept screaming she was, and no, Brits in Belgium is not necessarily more up my alley.

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      Opening weekend: $74,813. 37th position. It finished behind movies that had been playing for three MONTHS.

      • Me not sure

        So… Huckabee was too kind? Wow!

  • Swampay

    I love guessing what the howler monkeys would do if liberals said the mirror image of what they say.

    Try this: “I just flew from east coast America to west coast America across the foreign country in the middle”

    Or how about, “It’s not flyover America, it’s like a whole different country down there!”

    • Three Finger Salute

      Liberals wouldn’t do that. Probably most of us are already packing our bags to flee to Canada anyway.

      • James Baskin

        Portugal.

  • folderol

    So this is why Sarah has the perpetually perplexed & piqued look. Got it.

  • Les Appentis De la résistance

    Oh go Fuck a Bee.

  • Randy Riddle

    Mike who? Didn’t he run for office or something?

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Failed Slim Fast spokesperson? I honestly can’t recall.

  • bupkus231

    Huckabee needs to join up with Roy Moore and Robert Jeffress to start their own political party – the Hate America First party. Guaranteed, 75% of Evangelicals will join….

    • Villago Delenda Est

      They won’t be hating “America” as they define it, just 75% of the people living here.

  • Ricky Gay

    “The leftest media needs to lay off my Sarah. Jealous much? She is a beautiful daughter, a smart cookie, and a wonderful 1/2 cousin!”

  • ALP

    His tweets explain a LOT about SHS. If he was my dad, I’d permanently look like I was sucking lemons too.

    • Ricky Gay

      That lemon didn’t fall far from the tree

      • Serai 1

        LEMON LIBELZ!!!

  • Ms.Moon

    According to The Shack God is a black woman so if Aunt Maxine goes to NK she might be able to help Kim out. She’s sensible, empathetic and she listens to people (her constituents have not seen it fit to set her out on her ear unlike some Mike Huckabees I could mention) it might be just what we need as a country sensible people to talk to Kim. Maxine Waters has no time for Huckabee’s foolishness and she’d tell him that to his face, notice all the big talkers don’t say any of this mess to her in person because they know they will get the verbal take down they so rightfully deserve from her.

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    Haha, it is funny because he thinks that the 12.4 million people who live in New York and LA aren’t actually American!

    • HazooToo

      Or people! Probably he thinks they’re all dogs, and he’d like to give them to his dog-killing son to prove how great he is with animals.

    • ZangoCrudmonger

      I was force-churched as a youth. I listened many times to this “If God destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah, then for certain SF/LA and NYC are the first to go at the Second Coming.” And then followed up by “love your enemies.” Confusing times for a laddie. Anyways, Mike can fuck right off.

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        It’s weird – my nana was a crazy evangelical, but maybe because LA is where she arrived when she came to the US (and where she lived until her 60s), I never heard her talk shit about cities or anything. Sure, she was looking forward to all the smiting and stuff, but she never specified a location. Maybe because she new LA was awesome.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Extra points if you can throw in an ethnic stereotype!

    Sure you want to go there, asshole?

    • ZangoCrudmonger

      Ooof. Or woof, I suppose. And then this guy…..” A Little Rock Police lieutenant was quoted as saying, “It is not
      unusual for people to forget they have a gun in their carry-on luggage.”” (Half musing if I can find a way to put in more quotation marks)

      “”””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””yargh!!!””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””

  • John Frum

    Oh Mike Huckabee is like a box of chocolates! They’ll both kill your dog. I laughed so hard I forgot to tell my kids to run away from him. Hey, how many child molesters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None! Child molesters screw in Mike Huckabee’s Kiddie Kennel. Maybe if Sarah doesn’t work out, they could throw in Josh Duggar. Every press conference would be like showing America on this doll what the Bad Man grabbed with his tiny, grubby fingers. Go fuck yourself.

    • TheFamilyThalamusPersists

      This. Is. GLORIOUS.

  • mardam422

    And people say conservatives aren’t funny.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Because they aren’t?

    • John Frum

      Republicans only laugh when the punch line is a dead animal or crying child.

      • Three Finger Salute

        …or dead liberal.

        “Rope” was the lulzworthy meme among these sickos for 8 years.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Wanna hear a joke?

      “Republican integrity.”

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        That’s an oxymorans if I ever heard one.

  • Three Finger Salute

    About the only thing I ever agreed with Me Again Kelly about was when she called him Fuckabee. I’d like him to do that — it’d be the first time he ever got stung by WASP votes.

  • Don’t forget–Huckabee doesn’t write his own jokes. Chip Hinkleman does.

    • Internet Hitler

      He writes some of them, if only to prove he can Unfunny & Die on his own.

  • snigsy

    Fuck you, Mike.

  • anon_the_great

    Comedy is an effective tool in identifying sociopaths. Sociopaths understand the structure of a joke but lack the humanity to make it funny then are confused and angry when people don’t laugh.

    Does Huckabee dream of white Bill Cosbys?

    • Alexander Stallwitz

      That would explain why Trump cant take a joke.

      • anon_the_great

        Try using the tool in your own life. You might be surprised

      • Serai 1

        It would also explain why Twitler can’t make a joke.

      • Trump also has never laughed. He’s sneered with satisfaction when screwing over an “enemy” but he’s never actually laughed spontaneously

    • Is that why all small children are sociopaths? Have a five year old tell you a joke, it’s magic.

  • Indiepalin

    Take my daughter. Please.

    • mailman27

      Kill my dog, please.

  • spangled

    if i’m reading my “liberal” columnists correctly, failed presidential candidates are supposed to “shut up and go away”.

    wonder why that suggestion isn’t levied at huckabee? who is the most annoying failed presidential candidate in recent history.

  • snigsy

    Hey Mike, as Geraldine Jones liked to say: “when you’re, you’re hot; when you’re not, you’re not.”

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      The devil made him do it

      • snigsy

        If she were around today, she’d kick his ass and then give a sassy toss of her hair.

    • TheFamilyThalamusPersists

      I loved the Flip Wilson show when I was a kid. Watched an episode a couple of years ago and cringed.

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        It really was a different time, wasn’t it?

    • weighmaster

      You made me remember Flip Wilson, and that made me remember Mac Davis.

  • lowenufc

    If you want people to stop calling you a “fuckwit”, Mr. Huckabee, then stop acting like a fuckwit.
    And there is the problem, because I’ll never stop calling him a fuckwit because he’ll never stop being a fuckwit.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Fuckwits gotta be fuckwits

      • Marion in Savannah

        Oh, if only they actually had wit.

  • Huckabee, “I just flew in from the left coast. And boy, are my arms racist!”

  • Serai 1

    Every time I manage to forget about this asshole, he pops back up again like an infected zit.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/08efe187cdc2cac84f408e7d39831665adc2e8539d83c4a314e989fc7a581d22.jpg

  • donald danner

    I can’t believe nobody told him “Maybe your not the best person to make jokes about killing dogs”

    • TheFamilyThalamusPersists

      I regret not scrolling before posting!!!! Knee jerk response on my part :)

  • Hardly Ideal

    Commenting out of sheer reflex from reading the headline: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B34DmsMxUlA

  • eastcoastlib

    Why hasn’t Trump appointed this man to a high level cabinet post? I mean, sure he has no skills but that hasn’t been a problem for most of the Orange Monster’s appointments. May I suggest Secretary of Dickitry.

  • Jonny On Maui

    Who?

    • JustDon’tSayDignity

      C’mon, remember? Played bass for the pants-shitter guy.

  • TheFamilyThalamusPersists

    The real joke is that Mike Fuckabee pretends to give a rat’s ass about the family dog’s welfare. omfg.

  • calliecallie

    Benghazi is the new Bazinga?

  • Donkey Option

    I am so sick of these assholes who bring up 9/11 when they want to appear to be super patriotic, but then call NY a foreign country or not American. Either you claim NY as part of your country, or you don’t get to talk shit about 9/11. Assholes.

    • kareemachan

      And…. he just HAS TO bring up the fact that he – at ONE TIME – WAS a guv.

      Not now.

  • Alan

    He’s not even funny. He just sounds stoopid.

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      No, he’d have to step up his game to be stupid. He just sounds vengefully hateful. You know, a man of God.

    • gratuitous

      That’s why he such a hit with his audience.

  • JoeChristmas

    Like cancer, there is nothing funny in teabaggerism.

  • cheetojeebus

    What’s a Huckabee?
    -what a really drunk idiot says as he pukes his guts out
    -impolite term for horse shit
    -the sound turtles make when they’re bumping uglies.
    -?

    • JustDon’tSayDignity

      The sound of all the air being sucked out of the room by the asshole who won’t go home?

    • cats530

      It’s a malignant honey-comb fistula (filled with putrid bodily fluids) on the rectum of society.

  • JustDon’tSayDignity
  • James Baskin

    Please. Someone blow twitter up. Please.

    • phoenix00

      It’s not Twitter’s fault boring dickholes are all over it.

      Oh wait, maybe it is. Carry on!

  • Run2Live

    Can’t wait for the Huckster’s tweet suggesting sending all the military’s transgenders as the first wave of paratroopers into North Korea.

  • Major_Major_Major

    Huck should really leave the comedy to his daughter.

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      We can definitely tell where she gets it from.

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω
  • Komsumverweigerer Ron

    It isn’t that Hucksterbee hates the black ladies. It’s that he is terrified of them. They make him feel uncomfortable in his boy parts.

    • whitroth

      Wayull, yeah, since he can’t just stroll down slave row as he’d like, and have who he wanted….

  • whitroth

    “Two foreign cities”… let’s see, fourth book, HHGtG, the guy who never goes out of his compound, which compound he calls “Outside the Asylum”… right. I’ve got it: Shuckleberry and the alt-wrong (is that a band? Christian rock?) can go and reconquer the former Rhodesia, and make a Christianist versino of Iran. Or maybe Zanzibar.

    Though, as a footnote, the well-armed locals might have a word or two with them….

    Right! Give the the Blue Pill! And they’ll live happily ever after!

  • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

    Can we dispatch Maxine Waters to talk to him?

    • Pisto75666

      Hasn’t she been through enough for one summer?!

  • IdiotsforPalin

    Is Huck still fukking Kim Davis?

    • phoenix00

      It only takes once to be scarred for life.

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω
  • handyhippie65

    as someone who lives in a flyover state, i wish fuck-a-bee were a foreigner.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    The last piece of conservative humor that didn’t involve punching down at a weak, vulnerable target was Richard Nixon on Laugh-In.

  • phoenix00

    I laugh much more at the non-comments here in this thread than all of Huck-a-hairball’s tweets combined.

  • javadavis

    Waitaminnit… Gore produces a film that is basically a documentary about an uber-depressing subject and it comes in at 15th in the movie races. Out of how many? A documentary about impending doom comes in 15th in a week when we can get our share of impending doom by tuning in to any local news station during their national news highlight section.
    Oh, wait, he’s quoting some site called ‘climate depot’ whose specialty seems to be bs-something-something-the-climate-is-actually-cooling… and they are misusing their sources to claim it is a big failure, the movie.
    Le sigh.

  • The Librarian

    Mr Yuck-yuck-yuckabee is not funny, but he is a hoofwanking bunglecunt. Now that’s funny!

    • cats530

      Yes it is! Tee-hee.

    • Weird Fishes

      “Bunglecunt” wins the internet today.

      • The Librarian

        I can’t claim credit, but I do like to use it!

  • CATMAN

    I think that Mikey and his spawn Sarah are evidence that being a lying asshole is genetic and breeds true

  • So…Huck is basically calling Auntie Max so fucking bad assed that she defeats born to be dictators just by talking to them?
    SHE IS AWESOME

  • Huckabooboo is like shingles and Newt Gingrich, neither one will go away.

  • Once again, Huckabee proves you don’t need to be a skinny, blonde woman to be a really unfunny republican asshole.

    • Maybe

      But it helps.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    One should never hire: A British chef, a French engineer, a German police chief, an Italian comptroller or a comedy writer from Arkansas.

    • Brian Fowler

      Granted I don’t know anything about the current state of the German police, but right now I’d still trust them more than an American one.

  • Maybe

    I don’t think Huckabee hates Black Ladies.

    He hates All Ladies.

    ‘Cause they have naughty lady parts and stuff.

  • Jukesgrrl

    Does Huckabee REALLY call North Korea NOKO, as if it’s a neighborhood in Manhattan?!

    • H0mer0

      he’s trying to be a hipster. Does he block everyone with a clever retort to his comedic stylings?

  • WhoCheckedRussia’sVoterID

    What does Mike do to make a living nowadays? He was never that wealthy was he? Does his daughter float him a few?

  • Sakonyachen

    So a sequel to a documentary, therefore a documentary came in number 15? I’m not sure that counts as a fail. Also, how is the latest edition of Huckabee’s series doing?

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