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Help save food: No more onions on your belts!

New West Virginia Gov. Jim Justice, who made a big show of switching his party affiliation from “D” to “R” at that Donald Trump rally last week, has a heck of a nifty idea for how the president could pay him back for his loyalty: How about bringing back the coal industry by having the federal government subsidize Appalachian coal, for national security, don’t you know? You wouldn’t want the nation to be without energy in the case of a major terrist attack, now would you? And since few power plants really want to switch back to coal, a federal bailout strategic Eastern coal reserve may be the only way to bring back all those coal jobs Trumped promised.

Besides, it’s not about coal profits, it’s about National Security, Justice said with the unimpeachable sincerity of a used-car salesman with plaid pants and a white belt:

“If you’re all on gas or you’re all on gas and western coal and somebody puts a bomb at a gas junction point or somebody puts a bomb on a bridge coming from the west you could very well lose the entire eastern power grid,” Justice told the West Virginia Metro News.

All it would take, Justice says, is a $15 per ton federal subsidy to ensure a reliable supply of coal and coal jobs in West Virginia, plus Pennsylvania, Ohio, Virginia, Kentucky and Tennessee. Oh, did we mention that Justice owns several coal mines? Yes, he owns several coal mines, too.

Justice says he’s been to the White House twice in the last three weeks — yep, before his big party switch — so he could pitch the very important national security plan. You see, the problem is that western coal is a lot cheaper to mine than the stuff that’s left in the over-mined east, so if you can make up some kind of nutty terrorist scenario where terrorists somehow manage to cut off gas pipelines AND all shipping from the west to the east, then his plan makes perfect sense. If he needs to, maybe he can argue ISIS is planning big umbrellas to block out solar and wind plants, too. Or… what if they put a bomb on the sun????

So what you have here is a coal-state governor admitting that even after Trump and his pals strip out environmental and safety protections that were supposedly choking off eastern coal jobs, the industry can’t compete — not even with other dirty coal fields in the west. That free market can really be a bitch when it won’t cooperate, can’t it? And let’s not even get started on how automation, not regulation, has been the biggest driver in the loss of coal jobs.

Justice admits his plan hasn’t actually gotten anywhere close to approval, but says Trump and his staff listened real good to his pitch. We’re waiting for the inevitable leak of a presidential notepad with “Coal guy likes me, wants money to switch parties. Y/N?” scribbled on it.

Think Progress went to the Sierra Club for comment on Justice’s brainstorm, and you can almost hear poor Bill Price, their Appalachian regional spokesman, sighing in exasperation as he replied in an email about Governor Dumbfuck:

It’s sadly not surprising that a coal industry billionaire-turned-politician is trying to drive taxpayer dollars into his own pockets, but what is truly heartbreaking is Justice’s lack of interest in actually diversifying West Virginia’s economy so that we’re not beholden to the long-term decline of the coal industry.

Price added that the state would probably benefit from some investments in new industries instead of “[doubling] down on a declining industry that has polluted our water, destroyed our mountains, and continually put our health at risk,” not that Price or anyone has any illusions about where the money and influence remains in West Virginia politics. We congratulate him for not actually resorting to open obscenity, which we are more than happy to supply in his stead. Stupid coal-felching motherfuckers.

Another bunch of wild-eyed leftist green power advocates, Oil Change International, told Think Progress that U.S. taxpayers already subsidize the coal industry to the tune of $4 billion a year, very little of which actually results in better pay or more jobs for coal miners, but it sure is good for stock prices.

Now here’s a crazy idea: Instead of artificially propping up the price for an energy source that can’t compete and is harming the climate, how about investing in clean energy, which is becoming increasingly competitive with fossil fuels? Hahaha, we are joking! Republicans don’t want the government picking winners and losers in the energy market, and it will give coal and oil all the money it can to prove it.

Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations. Click the “Donate” linky to help! You can also do your part to subsidize green energy AND Yr Wonkette, plus reduce your own carbon footprint, with a wind power plan or a “portable” solar plan from our partners at Arcadia Energy! Suck it, coalboys!

[Think Progress / West Virginia Metro News / Forbes / Brookings Institution]

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  • Beanz&Berryz

    Isn’t the coal there in the ground where it is already a reserve?

  • proudgrampa

    Will someone just give that man a lump of coal in his Christmas stocking?

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      That would be bringing coal to Newcastle.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Good to see that it’s business as usual in District 12.

    • proudgrampa

      SNAFU?

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Justice says he’s been to the White House twice in the last three weeks — yep, before his big party switch — so he could pitch the very important national security plan.

    Textbook definition of cause and effect in action. Fuck.

  • Oblios_Cap
  • roberteye

    Bigger hucksters than Trump see him as an easy mark.

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      Starting with Putin

  • Elvis Causticfellow

    Why don’t we just get Superman to squeeze a few buckets of coal into diamonds and pay those poor coal-mining bastards to take the rest of their lives off?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Diamonds, or as Smeg Gorka calls them, hypercoal.

    • Bright Bart

      with his super ass.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      DeBeers would put a stop to that nonsense right off.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Now that, my friend, is your socialisms there. Can’t do that. It’ll make ’em lazy.

      And the last thing you want is a lazy ‘Murican.

      • AmazingProfessionalCrastinator

        Good thing nobody wants me, then. I didn’t feel like getting up anyway.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    How about bringing back the coal industry by having the federal government subsidize Appalachian coal, for national security, don’t you know

    My Prius gets 47 miles per lump.

  • ManchuCandidate

    Justice is not only blind but he’s stupid. There haven’t been any coal powered warships since Juan McCain Jr Jr was in diapers.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      The week after his surgery?
      /too soon, I know
      /at least I’m enjoying the ride

    • ArgieBargie

      And Juan McCain Jr Jr’s diaper bombs sunk those warships.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Stupid, or knows his base is stupid?

      • Eileen Besse

        Both.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    what if they put a bomb on the sun????

    Could happen, you know:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HjUMTGvn2ro

  • TJ Barke

    Good thing you can’t bomb the sun or the wind… wait…

    • Johnny Appleseed

      Please don’t give them any (stupid) ideas.

    • HazooToo

      Nuclear winter pretty much takes care of both those things.

  • Yes, we must bravely move America forward into the 21st century using the best available energy source of the 19th century! I can haz moneys now?

  • ltmcdies

    why was this man ever a Democrat?

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      He just put off changing his registration for, oh, 50 or 60 years.

      ETA: Oh. Never mind.

    • Granny Sprinkles

      He was a republican until 2015. He changed his party affiliation specifically to run. Anyone who was awake knew he’d be changing it back.

  • JMP

    If only some Presidential candidate had suggested we should invest in new industries in West Virginia, because the coal industry is dying and in what remains people have been replaced by machines. Surely the media wouldn’t have twisted her words into saying, “I want to destroy all the coal jobs”!

    • Ryan Denniston

      The message I got was that she colluded by email with the Russians to Benghazi the election.

    • TJ Barke

      That darn liberal media, at it again…

  • Marla

    Sure, and then let the taxpayer be screwed as that coal sits and rots in coal hoppers on America’s fading railways.

    #MAGA, motherfuckers! It’s coming to kill you soon.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    “When I invade North Korea, we will keep the coal.” #DeletedTrumpTweets

  • The Librarian

    Justice is so ill-named, I’m not laughing. Also too, I had to research the US Fuel Admin as I’m not familiar with that former agency. WWI era and responsible for Daylight Saving Time. Thanks, Obama!

    • Beanz&Berryz

      A librarian might be able to help with that research…

  • Ryan Denniston

    How exactly did Jim Justice become a billionaire in the coal industry? Me thinks Justice is becoming lazy. Obviously there’s profit in that industry, you have to employ bootstraps! Not crab legs and T-bones.

    • Bananas Foster

      I’m just guessing here, but perhaps inheritance played a part…

      (Don’t give enough fucks to look him up.)

    • SeeTrain65

      Turns out Russia helped.

      Sold his company to the Russians for $600M.
      Bought it back for $5M.

      Can you say “money laundering?” I knew that you could.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    So, this East/West coal thing is going to be Biggie/Tupac all over again, isn’t it?

    • OrG in London

      How’d all that end up?

      • Latverian Diplomat

        Tupac turned into a hologram, and Biggie had a big supporting role in Luke Cage so it turned out pretty well for both of them, I guess.

  • Beanz&Berryz

    Nothing goes together better than coal and steam.. and it’s gotta be steam, goddamnit

    • anon_the_great

      And hemp ropes, hemp ropes…

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Same as ropes of hemp?

  • Ryan Denniston

    It might be more cost effective to build a couple of redundant junctions in the system so that “they” blowing up one junction won’t take out the entire system. If that’s even possible.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    This just in: Jim Justice asks Trump Administration to spend billions on time machine to go back and dig up freshly buried Western biomass, so Western Coalfields never formed. Insiders report Trump intrigued by proposal, but thinks it should have mentioned him more.

  • Incoming Ham
    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      Too fat to fit in the Krampus’ bag

      • Incoming Ham

        There is one of these where someone has photoshopped Trumps face onto Krampus and put a label that says “Mexico” on the basket. I’m not sure how to interpret that.

    • Front basket kid: terrified or falling asleep?

      • Incoming Ham

        He’s dragging them to hell, so I am going with terrified.

    • Rags

      I grew up in the West. My Dad would tell me if I didn’t behave, I’d get coal in my stocking. What I didn’t tell him was that I thought it would be kinda cool, because I had never seen a piece of coal.

  • Royal Ugly Dude

    Can’t’ ISIS just bomb the rail lines which transport the coal from the mines to the power plants? Or the power plants themselves?

    • jesterpunk

      No, you see because coal uses goddamn steam not the digital that oil or renewable resources use.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      SHHH! Everybody knows ISIS reads wonket comments. That’s why they (the comments) are not allowed.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    All coal is polluting and should be avoided, but IIRC, Western coal is anthrocite, and has less crap in it than Eastern bituminous coal. It’s closer to pure carbon.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      It’s also, as I understand it, used for steelmaking rather than power produciton.

      • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

        Technically it can be used for either, but anthracite is preferred for steel production because it burns hotter and introduces less impurities. Though that would assume we had a steel industry anymore.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Only a small portion is anthracite. https://pubs.usgs.gov/circ/c1143/html/fig4.html

    • TJ Barke

      The eastern anthrocite was mined and burned years ago.

  • jesterpunk

    Even the coal museum wont use coal because solar is cheaper and better.

    http://www.wymt.com/content/news/Kentucky-Coal-Mining-Museum-converts-to-solar-power-418430563.html

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “That’s the same kind of hypocrisy that makes the Alfred Packer Restaurant & Grill such a disappointment.”
      — A fine young cannibal

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Don’t that drive one crazy?

        • Shibusa

          Like no one else…

  • anon_the_great

    If you are going to get into a land war on Asia you’ll need coal stations across the Pacific Ocean for the Great White Fleet.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Many people don’t know that.

      • proudgrampa

        I did not know that!

    • Latverian Diplomat

      That’s why we can’t let the Germans have all of Samoa!

      • Rags

        Just Som

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Anyone who loves coal that much should spend a few minutes breathing in Beijing on almost any day. CAUTION: Under TrumpCare, breathing polluted air is a pre-existing condition.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Oh for peat’s sake.

  • Why do Republicans hate clean energy?

    Because Trump sounds smart to them.
    https://fthmb.tqn.com/URuyk2qhQvH-zbOmsrU8uyTgaBw=/768×0/filters:no_upscale()/about/trump-fourth-grade-level-57e602863df78c690f3517ee.jpg

    But he was the highest in his class

  • DerrickWildcat

    Well here’s some things.
    https://www.eia.gov/coal/production/weekly/
    Coal production by state. Let’s take a look at Wyoming.
    http://www.worldatlas.com/articles/coal-production-by-state.html
    Wyoming produces more coal than, WV,KY,PA,IL,MT, an TX combined.
    Yes Coal production is decreasing, but it hasn’t gone away…it’s just shifted to Wyoming. It’s easier to get at. It’s easier to get out and it’s of good quality. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not cheering for the Coal Industry, but let’s face facts. Why on Earth do they insist on continued mining in WV and KY? It’s not about politics, it’s about cost effectiveness. They can do in Wyoming with 10 People what it takes many many more in WV.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Thanks for the links. Will be using in a few months in a university-level Energy course.

      • DerrickWildcat

        I live 200 yards from a main rail and it’s mile long trains all day and all night carrying nothing but coal from Wyoming. People ask why the trains are so busy and I tell them that’s all the coal the Dems have stopped the U.S. from mining.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      “It’s not about politics”

      That is where you are wrong, friendo. WV has zero else to offer the U.S. economy other than harvestable organs, but what they do have are two Senate votes. So everyone has to bend over backwards to make them happy/prop up their antiquated economic model.

      • DerrickWildcat

        WV won’t win competing with Wyoming. Wyoming is cheaper. It’s all about money.

        • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

          Hence why they’re asking for subsidies.

          I completely agree that the economic model is totally unsustainable even medium-term, but that’s too far in the future for any but the most far-sighted politician.

        • Rags

          But for now the existing coal mining infrastructure makes WV coal mining a cash cow. It’s like those old malls in the burbs that are getting seedier and seedier now that the loans are paid off. They can fill them with dollar stores until the walls collapse and still make a buck

      • Msgr_MΩment

        You left out opioid patients customers.

        • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

          I considered that a sub-category of the overall organ-availability industry.

  • SeeTrain65

    OT: Wonkette’s very own Robyn Pennacchia’s tweet has been featured (first!) in RawStory’s recently-posted story on John Carney’s meltdown over Vogue’s cover of Jennifer Lawrence posing with The Statue of Liberty.

    Well done, Robyn.

    (And now, I’ll come up for air.)

    http://www.rawstory.com/2017/08/ultimate-snowflake-breitbart-writer-melts-down-over-statue-of-liberty-pic-and-gets-hilariously-torched/

    • TJ Barke

      It’s official, Breitards hate liberty.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Nice of them to finally come out of the closet, so to speak

        • TJ Barke

          Well, white supremacy isn’t exactly conducive to freedom.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Good Lord, what a babby

      show us on the doll where that mean old statue touched you…

    • jesterpunk

      Fucking Snowflake.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Bravo, Robyn. Hit dat nail on dat head.

  • mrFawkes

    As an unemployed 8-track repairman (30 years now) this Justice guy has an eye to the future.

    • SeeTrain65

      Reel-to-reel tape recorders forever!

      • Crystalclear12

        What’s wrong with clay tablets?!

        • SeeTrain65

          Stone, hammer and chisel libelz!

      • Old town Urbandale

        Thirty-two years on, and I still tear up thinking about the ex taking the reel-to-reel and tapes when we split.

  • Bozilingus

    “Forward, into the past!” – The Firesign Theatre

    • Msgr_MΩment

      “Now roll up your arm and bend over.
      “Would you like regular or premium?”

    • SeeTrain65

      “My fellow Americans. As a young boy, I dreamed of being a baseball. But tonight I say, we must move forward not backward, upward not forward;
      and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom!”

      (Don’t blame me. I voted for Kodos.)

  • Red Bird

    Aren’t people in West Virginia the recipients of the highest percentage of disability/welfare money?

  • Crystalclear12

    The Democratic party would like to say thanks for leaving and stay the fuck out.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • TJ Barke

      Fucking christ… Putin’s basically a mafia boss with a country. Stupid fucking sheep.

      • BadKitty904

        Putin and the GOP are making America exactly the same.

    • jesterpunk

      Good to know Republicans are admitting they are ok with foreign governments interfering in US elections as long as they are white.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      He told Lewis while “everybody else thinks it’s the Russians” who put Donald Trump in office, “I think it’s the providential hand of God.”

      Diego Maradona would like to sell you some swampland.

      • TJ Barke

        Yes, the least pious, most ungodly president in history was definitely provided by god…

  • spangled

    When the Model T was invented, did we sink a bunch of money into horse and buggy drivers? No. So why are we investing in an increasingly obsolete technology now?

    Coal jobs have been decreasing for the past 100 years. Obama didn’t kill them, mechanization and alternative fuels did.

    • OrG in London

      Horse and buggy drivers didn’t have lobbyists.

    • Crystalclear12

      Logic. . . pfft.

    • mardam422

      You never read about it, but Taft promised to bring back the buggy whip maker jobs, which were located mostly in his home state of Ohio. He removed all the terrible regulations regarding buggy whip making like having to have an actual door or window in the factories and allowing only so many Coolie immigrant workers. Almost worked.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        It was nice to have the National Strategic Buggy Whip Reserve, when war came again…

  • SomeBigRedDog

    Is there only one bridge from “the west”? That seems like poor planning.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      And surprising news for people driving from Minneapolis to Saint Paul.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      The morning Wyoming-WVa commute is a bitch.

    • mardam422

      Back in the day, there was only one railroad bridge from the Great Lakes to the East Coast. During the New York Central vs. Pennsylvania RR war, one of them wouldn’t let the other use his bridge. We apparently haven’t come very far since.

      • PigDootsMolloy

        The situation is the same today for the northeast. Until 1974 there were two bridges that crossed the Hudson river, at Poughkeepsie NY and Selkirk NY; the Poughkeepsie bridge was deactivated after a fire, and is now the “Walkway Over the Hudson”, and the connecting lines long gone.

        The bridge at Selkirk is the only freight passage over the Hudson. Freight is either carfloated across lower New York Bay or must travel to Selkirk (just south of Albany) to cross the Hudson and access the Northeast.

  • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

    We’re going to pay people in West Virginia to mine worthless coal so that we can have a big pile of this worthless shit sitting somewhere, on the off chance that some power plan might want it someday, maybe. Didn’t this kind of thing go out with the Soviets?

  • Paul Dietzel

    Here in my neck of the woods, Central PA,which used to be a major coal producing area, the local electrical generating plant is in the 3rd or 4th year of being converted from coal to natural gas. I’m sure to convert back would take just as long or longer since the coal to power it is not being mined anymore and most of the companies that did so no longer exist. So, this idiot Justice who must be fully aware of that reality, talks as though the plants can just switch back and forth from one to the other at whim.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      He’s thinking to sell the coal on Amazon so Americans can burn it home their own selves. Distributed power generating systems are the modern solution to big expensive OLD power plants. And you can make coal fog & smoke to cool places from global warming, which doesn’t exist.

      • Rags

        And smelt their own steel. Just like Mao!

        • Beanz&Berryz

          After scratching their own crack…

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Ex-Altoonan here.
      Sláinte !

    • HazooToo

      Yes, he knows he’s full of shit. But he also knows that stupid people will believe him. And we have clearly seen evidence of TONS of stupid people in our own state.

  • HazooToo
    • jesterpunk

      That wont actually stop Trump though, he doesnt care about anyone except himself and he would kill the guy just to get more support from his base.

      • HazooToo

        He would stab him on 5th Avenue and not lose ANY votes.

        • jesterpunk

          He might actually gain some votes with the way his base is.

          • HazooToo

            They might line up to volunteer.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            Naw… they just talk big…

      • Bananas Foster

        Lookz just lyke stake with katsup!

      • Rags

        He would have an infarct from the effort before finishing the job.

    • spangled

      Oh THATS where that scene in The Leftovers came from.

  • Wild Cat

    “So what are you saying, Kelly? I can’t force lazy Congress to pay West Virginians a fucking subsidy not to grow coal?”

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      Shhhhhh. They’ll hear you and put that in the next farm bill!

  • mardam422

    And once we mine all that coal, we’ll have to have somewhere to put it. A great big hole in the ground maybe. And we can cover it with dirt and rocks so ISIS can’t put a bomb in it. Then when we need it, we just dig it back up!!!1 Profit!!1

    • Beanz&Berryz

      And then you gotta dig it up again to count it to make sure it’s all there, and then put it back again.

    • Old town Urbandale

      It would be a lot cheaper if you dump it in holes that are already dug. There are a lot of canyons in National Parks, if you catch my drift.

  • BadKitty904

    This is good news for the ANCCSA (American Naughty-Children’s Christmas-Stocking Association)!

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Jim Justice- the coal baron who just happened to sell all his coal mines to the Russkies for $450 million dollars, plus another $150 million in related payments

    Except he just bought them all back from those same Russkies for a paltry $5 million, less than one percent of what he sold them for- Can someone say money laundering?

    No wonder he just changed parties and made a big show of sucking Donnie’s dick in front of the entire state- he wanted to reserve his spot in the presidential pardon line.

    And the subsidies he’s now angling for are just the frosting on the cake- because that 99% profit he just turned selling, then buying back his own mines just isn’t enough…

    • SeeTrain65

      Already did a few days ago. But do people listen? NOOOOOOOOOOOO! ; )

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        It’s just so fucking blatant- here’s your $600 million, Mr Justice, can we haz influence now? And good news, your boy king is making a big push for coal, so we’ll sell you back your own stuff for less than a penny per dollar we paid- just in time for it to be profitable again!

        • BadKitty904

          The GOP isn’t even bothering to cover up its corruption and treason now. As long as they own Congress, who’s going to stop them? The taxpayers?

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            The entire party has gone insane- they just don’t care anymore. They will look right at blatant corruption or even flagrant treason and just stick their fingers in their ears and shout “fake news!”

            The average GOP voter is now the guy who is standing by the side of the road with a gas can and a road flare… “Sure, I just burned down my own house! But I heard there was a liberal inside, so it was worth it!”

          • BadKitty904

            So, “What are We the Majority going to do about it?” is my question…

    • BadKitty904

      So, West Virginia voters are just as stupid as the rest of the Republicans.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        AOT,K

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        they all suffer from black brain disease- the neurons won’t fire through all that smoke

        • BadKitty904

          and mirrors.

      • Ricky Gay

        It’s a feature, not a bug!

        • BadKitty904

          It sure is for the GOP, as it allows them to continue their rape of America.

    • Thiazin Red

      I have no idea what you mean, that sounds perfectly normal and not extremely suspicious at all.

      • mardam422

        Buy low, sell high.

    • TJ Barke

      Criminals. Fucking criminals.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      How is that not already a criminal investigation…

      • SeeTrain65

        JeffBoSesh as AG. THAT’S how.

        • Beanz&Berryz

          Fucking kleptocracy… hmmm… so yet another money laundering scam, like Trump’s?

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          too busy looking for blah kids to arrest for smoking reefer

  • georgiaburning

    4 billion a year? That’s about $2000 for each person in WV. Pay each of them $10K to leave the state, payoff is 5 years. Elon Musk wants to colonize Mars, let him experiment on the emptied WV and recover some of that $20 billion.

    • mardam422

      There’s already that colony of children on Mars. You’d think someone as “smart” as Elon Musk would know that.

  • Bitter Scribe

    U.S. taxpayers already subsidize the coal industry to the tune of $4 billion a year

    Wait, what?

    I’d Google this, but my blood pressure is already too high.

  • clubseal

    “Or … what if they put a bomb on the sun????”
    I don’t know why that made me laugh so hard, but it also reminded me of a sci-fi movie where the plot was to bomb the sun to bring it back to life or something?

  • wide_stance_hubby

    And it’s not just the Kaiser, the Ciabatta are gaining in strength also.

    • Ricky Gay

      You are on a roll!

      • wide_stance_hubby

        A little on the seedy side, though.

        • Rags

          Tell it to the Onion….

        • Ricky Gay

          That’s okay, we’ll let it slider.

        • Résistance Land Shark Ω

          But he’s nicer when he’s buttered up.

          • wide_stance_hubby

            Hubby, when did you start commenting?

  • This is all part of the president’s “infrastructure overhaul”.

    1. Pave the way for Sinclair Broadcasting to get around the rules for TV station ownership in given markets.
    2. Construct obstacles to the wind and solar energy sectors.
    3. Build up false hope among the “Friends of Coal”.
    4. Allow for old Regressive myths to resurface for re-use.
    5. Remodel The White House because “it’s a dump”.
    6. Shovel tax cuts to the rich.
    7. Tear down the administrative state.
    8. Develop a highway to hell.
    9. Lay a pipeline instead of jerking off.
    10. Dam up the flow of immigration.

    and so on.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      add it all together and coastal secession…

  • BadKitty904

    What, exactly, are we s’posed to do with this coal? Power America’s steam-ships?

  • Ricky Gay

    Used-carbon salesman

  • BosGrl

    OT: Fuckface von Clownstick is standing in front of the WH with Voldemort, doubling down on the tough talk against NK. He’s going to kill us all.

    • BosGrl

      Also, he’s rambling again.

      • BosGrl

        OMG: “When I was a kid, we had the LSD…” GAHHHHHHHH

        • NastyBossetti

          Wait. What does LSD have to do with North Korea?

          • BosGrl

            Someone asked him about opioids. This dufus doesn’t know the difference between LSD and a deadly poison.

          • wide_stance_hubby

            Studio 54-era drug dealers must have loved this guy.

          • NastyBossetti

            Not only does he not know the difference, but he seems to think LSD doesn’t exist anymore?

          • BosGrl

            Maybe he thinks the LSD of his youth was the genuine article (“THE LSD”)?

          • wide_stance_hubby

            Like Kim wasn’t tripping balls to get a haircut like that?

          • NastyBossetti

            And Trump. There is no other excuse, really.

          • wide_stance_hubby

            With Tramp, I think it’s just ego + delusion = that thing. He thinks he looks like a swinger young enough to be his grandson.

        • Eileen Besse

          Can we switch his coke with something else?

          • BosGrl

            We’ve switched the president’s cocaine for Folger’s crystals. Let’s see if he notices.

          • Eileen Besse

            Huzzah!

      • SeeTrain65

        S.O.P., BosGrl. S.O.P.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      AP:

      President Donald Trump says that perhaps his ‘fire and fury’ warning to North Korea “wasn’t tough enough.” Trump is issuing a new warning over the North’s development of nuclear weapons.

      Trump says North Korea “better get their act together or they are going to be in trouble like few nations have ever been in trouble.”

      WHO TALKS LIKE THIS? This sounds like what a demented toddler thinks an adult sounds like.

  • clubseal

    It’s sad to me how hard it is for people to see how technological advances are largely to blame for job losses in a number of industries. It’s easier to blame environmentalists than accept that a machine can do your job more efficiently, I guess.

    • OrG in London

      Not to mention all the lies they’ve been told. Over and over.

  • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

    Fight the Kaiser? Fuck, coal is so out of date that we were transitioning away from coal-powered ships even in World War I. Know who we fought the last time we had coal-powered anything?

    Fucking Spain.

    • anon_the_great

      But think of the Steam Punk possibilities

    • TJ Barke

      Yes, but they needed coal in the foundries.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Internal Combustion is just a fad.

    • mardam422

      And we WON!!!

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Last coal-fired Navy ship was built in 1914, I think… the USS Texas, maybe even…

      • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

        Indeed it was, about 5 months before World War I started. So I was being accidentally overly generous to boot.

    • Peripatetic Poltroon

      Isn’t that funny looking Rooskie aircraft carrier coal-fired?

      • toughsister

        No. It’s oar-powered. Where do you think all the Putin opponents are sent?

    • Randy Riddle

      But think of the decades of home heating and damaging acid rain given to us by the coal industry. Don’t you miss algae blooms?

      • SeeTrain65

        Toledo sure doesn’t.

    • Tasha Naraganza, of Spain

      I’m still raw over that one.

  • wide_stance_hubby

    How soon before we are all eating high subsidy coal syrup in every bite?

    • SeeTrain65

      You mean we aren’t already?

      • wide_stance_hubby

        shhh

    • Beanz&Berryz

      We are carbon-based beings after all

      • toughsister

        Anthracite syrup? Yum!

        • Beanz&Berryz

          Gotta read those ingredient lists.

        • therblig

          unless you’re Bituminous-Curious

          • Tasha Naraganza, of Spain

            Now you’re just pulling my lignite.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Now, with more Mercury!

      • SDGeoff3

        And it’s about time, say we all!

  • whitroth

    As I’ve brought up before… WHAT coal mining jobs? The industry. from wikipedia, “US employment in coal mining peaked in 1923, when there were 863,000 coal miners.” There are now about 50,000. And with mountaintop removal, and automation, they are NEVER going to hit 75k.

    Isn’t owning coal companies and being gov a conflict of interest?

    Oh, and about WW I: let’s see, Wilson, who’d run on a platform of keeping us out of “European wars”, got us in. Forget the Lusitania, how ’bout entry was not two months after the first part of the Russian Revolution – the Tsar was forced to resign in Feb, and the soviets (go look up the term) were threatening to take Russia out of the war, and maybe export revolution to *all* the troops, who were already almost at mutiny (and some did).

    • TJ Barke

      What’re you? Some kinda commie?

      • toughsister

        Sure. Nobel Prize winner Krugman is an America-hating commie but barely literate Trump is this nation’s savior.

        • TJ Barke

          Strictly speaking, one can be a communist and love America.

      • whitroth

        Actually, a socialist, not a Communist (nor, actually, a Marxist). And once I write my political book, I can claim what I am: a markist

        – mark

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Paul Krugman likes to point out that more people in West Virginia work in health care jobs Trump wants to destroy than work in coal.

      • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

        Someone else pointed out that more people work at ARBY’S than in the entire coal industry.

    • jesterpunk

      IOKIYAR?

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    The locomotive and steam shovel industries depend on us, lads!

    • jesterpunk

      What about the horse and buggy industry?

      • SeeTrain65

        “Those chariots aren’t going to pull themselves.”

      • toughsister

        Well, we already have a horse’s ass in the WH. So that can’t be too far away.

  • RMKH

    So in summary, and maybe someone has this below, he wants Us to pay Him personally to kill the planet. Well why didn’t you just say so earlier?

  • P’jama Pahnts

    Well, as long as government isn’t helping anyone with healthcare I guess we’re cool with this, right? At least we’re not filthy socialists.

  • lucidamente

    Trump spewing word salad from his piehole right now.

    • OutOfOrbit

      wait a minute, THAT’S NOT SALAD!!!

      • BreakingDeadMen

        I can’t believe it’s not horseshit. What? It is horseshit? Well, at least I’m not losing my mind.

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist
    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      Just watched that. Love how he’s still blaming Obama for NK, Opioids, his bone spurs, etc.

      Also loved his faux mob statement about trade with China. He’s actually saying he’d be fine with trade if China ‘takes care’ of him. What a complete fucktwit!

      • jesterpunk

        Hmm, I am sure this is just a coincidence right?

        http://money.cnn.com/2017/08/07/news/trump-macau-gambling-trademark/index.html

        A company associated with President Trump is seeking new trademarks for the casino industry in Asia’s biggest gambling hub.

        A firm called DTTM Operations LLC has applied for four new trademarks under the Trump brand in Macau, according to documents published by the government of the Chinese territory last week.

        The company, which lists the Trump Tower at 725 Fifth Avenue in New York City as its address, submitted the applications two months ago, the documents revealed.

        • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

          There’s always an angle with this guy.

          • jesterpunk

            Funny how every time he threatens China there is some business transaction waiting for the Chinese government to approve it, as soon as they do everything is cool. Until the next one.

          • BadKitty904

            It’s the nature of a life-long con-man.

    • toughsister

      And to say we were afraid of Sarah Palin!

  • BreakingDeadMen

    Said it before, say it again: Trump will get us in a third world war. We’ll probably be against Germany again, only this time they will be the ones fighting for democratic values.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Missed his greatest argument:

    “…and we can’t use that old solar power when you put us in nuclear winter.”

  • Bill D. Burger

    This administration turning its back on solar and wind power in favor of buying jobs for coal miners in WV is like shutting down Netflix and paying to resurrect Blockbuster.

    • BosGrl

      You know somebody somewhere thinks the decline of VHS was a left wing conspiracy.

      • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

        I hear Sanders is pushing hard to bring back Betamax.

        • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

          Super 8 libels!

        • toughsister

          No. It’s Trump. Sanders is pushing the idea of healthcare for everyone. What? Did your ant-stupid drugs wear off already?

          • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

            Triggered.

          • Tasha Naraganza, of Spain

            toughsister triggers easily. She’s not really in harmony with the snark.

      • OrG in London

        It WASN’T?

        • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

          Shhhhh!

        • BosGrl

          Light bulbs definitely were, but VHS – I don’t think so!

      • writersbloc

        THE LEFT IS CONSTANTLY doing stuff like this!

        • toughsister

          Why, do you have a better idea?

        • Naytch

          Nice callback!

      • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

        FUCK VHS. BETAMAX OR GTFO!

    • formerChild

      Fotomat libel!

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Indiepalin

    Coal-fired cars are the wave of the future.

    • Jeffocaster in the West

      And coal bins in every house with a coal fired furnace. The retrofit market would create millions of jobs!!!!!

    • Bozilingus

      I always wanted a Stanley Steamer. (Not a Cleveland Steamer, you pervs.)

  • OutOfOrbit

    the fug-thugs who COULD pull this OPOS’s plug should be the first to the gallows votes humor etc &c when the mushroom clouds darken our skies. and no hoods or blindfolds: let them drop with a view of what they wrought as the last thing they see

  • Relativicus

    RNC Chair Ronna Romney, placing “Picking winners and losers” back on the shelf between “But the DEFICIT!” and “We’re broke!”

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/6bc8a31c3e8ced3c7a6758cf0100fac9d5749f09d49b6c793550475d652d2c94.jpg

  • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

    You know, it’d be cheaper on the entire country if we just paid to retrain the coal miners. Of course, that would make them ‘takers’, unlike now, with all the subsidies propping up a dying industry. Jesus fuckChrist!

    • jesterpunk

      Didnt someone suggest that and come up with a plan to do exactly that last year?

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        Hmm, I wonder who that was?

        • dshwa

          I think I saw her name in an email once.

        • Kiri the Unicorn

          Name’s on the tip of my tongue… Clanton?

          • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

            I wanna say Celery Clanton, but that can’t be right.

    • Relativicus

      “Of course, that would make them ‘takers’…”

      Only the brown ones.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Hillary Clinton made the greatest error of all when talking to the coal miners of WV and eastern KY. SHE TOLD THEM THE TRUTH. No crazy promises (lies)…..she told them the truth. The heyday of coal is not returning to those mountains. She said they needed new tools, new educational and training opportunities. There is the investment that would pay off for them and their children.
    AND SHE WAS CRUCIFIED THERE FOR IT. __ “Clinton Says No Coal Mining Jobs!”

    More and more, I think The Liberal Redneck was spot on when dealing with rural America: Lie to them.
    The Republicans have, forever, and it works.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CnayKa3EKs

    • jesterpunk

      The people in coal country know coal isnt coming back and where retraining for new jobs in a program Trump wants to cut.The daily show covered that in “Brown in Town”

      http://www.cc.com/video-clips/rtzt0s/the-daily-show-with-trevor-noah-brown-in-town—coal-country

      • Courser_Resistance

        It’s so sad, but a lot of these folks don’t *want* to be retrained. They want to spend the rest of their lives on Dis-bilty.

        It’s a bitter irony that these are the folks who bitch about the ‘lazy takers’ but are living the taker’s life themselves. Cuz ‘lazy takers’ are brown. They’re white and therefore entitled to govmint money.

      • whitroth

        The real trouble is the truth: not only are the mining jobs not coming back, but “retraining” still means THERE ARE NO JOBS THERE, and you’ll have to leave your homes, where your families were for generations, and move to a city somewhere….

        But that’s ok, that’s what Libertaridiots think….

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      yup, just tell these dullards what they want to hear, then ignore them for 4 years just like the GOP does

    • BigCSouthside

      Yep. Lie to em

  • (((fka_donnie_d)))

    So, you want us to subsidize a commodity which will increase in scarcity (and therefore price) over time?

    Is there some plan at which the subsidy decreases, or do we continue to pay $15/ton when there are two tons of coal left on the entire planet?

    • jesterpunk

      No silly the subsidies will go up as the supply goes down.

      • (((fka_donnie_d)))

        Yeah I fucking bet.

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      Just increase the supply, and the demand will increase!

  • (((fka_donnie_d)))

    But, now we know what it takes for these people to demand government subsidies, so, winning, I guess?

  • Bill D. Burger
  • (((fka_donnie_d)))

    Fuck taking a single red cent of my tax money for this bullshit. Make Blankenship sell his McMansion, and I’ll think about it.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • (((fka_donnie_d)))
  • Mavenmaven

    coal is very important, how else will bad children be rewarded on Christmas eve?

    • SeeTrain65

      Feed the dog a big dinner Christmas Eve?

    • whitroth

      Well it is. As coke, for making steel, among other things….

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Bill D. Burger
  • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

    Also the bone-stupidest part of this passel of lies is that Russians simply have to hack into our electrical grid or our interwebs with their computer machines, as THEY ALREADY FUCKING HAVE, and they can bring the entire country to a standstill.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      “We ain’t living offa welfares, we get money from Trump because he loves us and we’re winners, but them lazy libruls and ni[clangs] are getting FREE MONEY so YEAHHH! Take away their welfares!!!!”

  • The Wanderer

    The NDEA (National Defense Education Act) was signed into law in the panic after the USSR’s launch of Sputnik. It offered Federal subsidies for what are now called STEM courses, fostering education in science, math, engineering and critical thinking needed for the coming Space Age.

    Maybe that would be a bit more useful than a useless mountain of anthracite.

    • whitroth

      Anthracite’s mostly long gone. It’s bituminous, and dirtier.

      The Lackawanna’s campaign of Pheobe Snow, and the Road of Anthracite, along with the rry, is long gone.

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        AFAIK, the only anthracite mines still open are primarily in the tourist business. Been meaning for a while to go poking around anthracite country, find the old mines, follow the long-gone railways that serviced them.

    • LucindathePook

      I went to grad school (in English lit) in ’69 on an NDEA Fellowship. Thanks, Obama.

  • Kiri the Unicorn

    Our national security will be at risk until this nation is once again a leading producer of whale oil.

  • BadKitty904
  • Weird Fishes

    This is the most I’ve been forced to consider West Virginia since I was forced to learn the name of their stupid state capitol.

    I want my brain back.

  • David Chaillou

    The coal industry currently produces 700 million short tons and employs 50,000 people.

    Assuming the subsidy results in coal mining reverting to the historical peak US production of 1.17 bn short tons, the taxpayer cost would be a measly $18 bn per year. Assuming this results in a 25% increase in coal employment, the cost would only be $1,400,000 per job. Every year.

    • Tasha Naraganza, of Spain

      And the coal wouldn’t even be burned because of the shrinking market for it. WIN WIN!

      • David Chaillou

        No, the idea is to use the money to lower the retail price of coal so that it can compete against the other energy sources. So there would be an increase in demand.

        • Tasha Naraganza, of Spain

          That shit is never going to happen.

          • David Chaillou

            It’s a stupid idea, so Trump should like it. But you’re right, I doubt that the Freedom Caucus would support this kind of subsidy program.

          • Tasha Naraganza, of Spain

            Exactly. Trump is attracted to bad, ill-conceived ideas as the mosquito is drawn to the bug zapper.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          An increase in demand requires more coal-fired plants to be built. That takes considerably longer than Il Douche and the Repugnants are going to be in office.

          • David Chaillou

            You can have exports to begin with. Assuming you haven’t pissed your main trading partners. It’s actually the best scenario since it is less likely to impact other energy jobs in the US.

    • RMKH

      Just one more thing (using my Columbo voice) – assuming the coal miners don’t get paid the million four, where would the rest of that money go? Safety upgrades?

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        Lol! Why ain’t you just the cutest l’il thang!

        • RMKH

          Bless your heart

      • David Chaillou

        Basically the money would be used to make coal more competitive vs. other energy sources and thereby increase the demand for coal.

        So the taxpayer would pay for power producers to use a more expensive energy source (coal) without bearing the cost. And job creation in coal would be offset to an unspecified degree by job destruction in other energy sources.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      You gosh darn liebruls, with yer damn elitist math ‘n facts ‘n sech.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      We get it back in taxes on the expanded economy. Everybody knows that!

      • David Chaillou

        If it’s coal jobs replacing other energy jobs, there is no expansion. In fact you have a contraction if the subsidy is taken from consumers’ earnings. You can avoid that by taking it all from the 0.1%.

  • Rick Hill

    What a great idea! If there’s a loss of natural gas then you can take that coal and make it really small so you can use it at the gas fired plants! It works the same, Im sure.

  • Les Appentis De la résistance

    He heard Scott Walker wants to stuff $8 billtion of Wisconsin state’s money into FoxConn’s coffers and decided he could needed to get in on that scam too.

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      He should see if Foxconn will ‘promise’ to build factories in the mines.

  • chascates
  • Pft, neolibs, Hillary would have been even worse with her “clean” energy corporate masters retraining these guys to do something other than dying in the mines. This is why you lost the election!!!!!!

    *Promise, will get over it, eventually.

  • handyhippie65

    grifters gotta grift. ok. i’m going to take out some frustration on some zombies. i’ll see you’ns later.

  • Fancy Meau-Faux

    You know what else is good for national security? Good infrastructure. Why don’t we use some of that fine Pentagon money to repair the highways and bridges of America.

    • boredcatlady

      The roads in poor, poor rural Kentucky are fucking beautiful, and I’m not even kidding. Too bad about your frost heaves, northern states, Mitch gotta stay in office.

      • Sakonyachen

        To be honest, Central/Southern Illinois isn’t that far north of Kentucky and we only have two seasons; winter and road repair. I can’t imagine the northern states’ roads aren’t pothole strips with barricades most of the year as well.

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    Republican’ts love their coal! It reminds them of their childhood Xmases.

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      <golf clap>

  • Relativicus

    “Justice says he’s been to the White House twice in the last three weeks — yep, before his big party switch…”

    Holy shit, Dok, this is what that was all about? “Hey, you switch sides and make me look good and I guarantee you we’ll keep your mines running”? That is so Trumpy!

  • 3FingerPete

    Wouldn’t it be cheaper and more efficient to keep our coal reserves underground in the first place?

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      Maybe they can dig up the coal and then bury it in OTHER mines.

      • Sakonyachen

        It almost sounds like that’s what this wackadoodle was suggesting. Oddly, these free market zealots like to argue against socialism by saying that government will be paying people to dig holes and then fill them back in. I guess if you fill in a different hole it’s suddenly capitalism.

  • Lorindel Ó Loingsigh

    Do we get those nifty Prussian spiked helmets as spoils of war?

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    “That free market can really be a bitch when it won’t cooperate, can’t it?”

    Now, I don’t have a non-comment to make.

    Wait!

    “Now here’s a crazy idea: Instead of artificially propping up the price for an energy source that can’t compete and is harming the climate, how about investing in clean energy, which is becoming increasingly competitive with fossil fuels? Hahaha, we are joking! Republicans don’t want the government picking winners and losers in the energy market, and it will give coal and oil all the money it can to prove it.”

    Shit, now I really don’t have a comment to make.

  • Xylem

    I’m sure there are good people in West Virginia, but I’m getting sick of how they continue to kiss Trumps ass and expect us to feel sorry for them.

    • Vomit Free Since ’93

      I was born in Logan, WV and I have zero sympathies for those drug-addled hillbillies. They’ve had decades to get their shit together.

  • boredcatlady

    Oh I like “stupid coal felching motherfuckers,” (the phrase, not the stupid coal felching motherfuckers) can we get that on a hat?

  • Komsumverweigerer Ron

    Can we get it into these morans’ heads that ‘steampunk’ is only a literary genre and NOT a forward-looking energy strategy? Sheesh, next thing you know the Internet really WILL be ‘a series of tubes.’

  • SadDemInTex

    The earth is flat. It’s 5000 years old. Coal is clean. Grifters don’t grift.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    What’s the best and safest place to put this national coal reserve stockpile? Underground, where we can just dig it out when we need it. Luckily for us, that’s where it is right now, which will save us a whole ot of time and effort.
    Just pay the coal companies for turning it into a national coal reserve, and the job is done, for a paltry couple of billion dollars a year!

  • Manhattan123

    But…but…we were told it was Obama’s environmental rules that were killing the coal industry?

  • Vomit Free Since ’93

    Fine. The next time one of these assholes gets black lung or trapped in a fucking mine shaft, we’ll remind them about how cool they were about tossing the regulations.

  • Sakonyachen

    This idea of propping up coal is becoming more sad than hearing your drunk uncle’s stories about how he was almost drafted by the New England Patriots. It’s over dude, go to an AA meeting.

  • unclejeems

    Daddy, won’t you take me down to Muhlenberg County, down by the Green River, where paradise lay.

    I’m sorry, my son, but you’re too late in askin’. Mr. Justice makes him some sweet government cash for every ton of paradise he hauls away, so it just ain’t there anymore, along with any jobs for coal miners, ’cause he uses great big machines to do all the work. So just shut up, son, and take that job at McDonald’s. If you’re lucky, you can make assistant manager in 10 or 12 years.

    • mardam422

      Thanks, Daddy. West Virginny is almost heaven, ain’t it Daddy?

  • Zyxomma

    Mountaintop removal coal mining is one of the most disgraceful things ever invented by the human race (and I must use the term human loosely). Coal was great tech in the 19th century. It has no place in the 21st.

  • mardam422

    THIS is such pure, naked, unadalterated grift that I have to give him credit.

  • Deborah Ujevich

    Here I go, AGAIN. Native Pittsburgher, exiled to Charleston WV, long hideous story. But Christ! People in this state are literally sitting around & breathlessly waiting for King Coal to return. Never mind that the mountains are topless, the water is beyond polluted, the beautiful state is a subsidence event waiting to happen. WV is neck-and-neck with Mississippi for everything you don’t want to happen to you, including premature nonliving status. It’s also a theocracy. In Parkersburg they just voted down proposed legislation that would have granted rights to LGBT community because, NOT KIDDING, sometimes you just can’t tell by looking at them if they’re trans or gay. The mayor was quoted as saying that it’s the kind of thing where someone would come away FEELING LIKE A SLAPPED ASS. That was in the article.

  • A bomb, on the Sun ☀️ Diabolical, and humorous.

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