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dumb fucking fuck

There’s more fuckery afoot involving the House Intelligence Committee and its dimwitted “recused” leader Rep. Devin Nunes! A story came out in Politico on Friday that we mostly ignored, because it was strange and vague Friday, but the gist was that earlier this summer, Republican staffers from the House Intel Committee got on an aero-plane and traveled to England to try to find former MI6 spy Christopher Steele, who compiled the raw intelligence now known as the Steele Dossier, which alleges MANY nefarious conspiracies involving Donald Trump, his associates, and Russia. The opening is the most memorable part, because it features a pair of Russia’s finest hookers going all R. Kelly Golden Shower in Trump’s general vicinity. The rest of it is really interesting too, and it has not been debunked, despite how Republicans dishonestly insist it has.

(Republicans have a convoluted strategy to discredit Steele, who is considered very credible by U.S. intelligence, with a fake GOTCHA! about how Fusion GPS, the intelligence firm that contracted with Steele, also had a Russian client one time, therefore CHRISTOPHER STEELE WAS WORKING FOR THE RUSSIANS TO HELP HILLARY CLINTON STEAL THE ELECTION FROM HILLARY CLINTON DERP DERP DERP OUR BRAINS DO NOT WORK GOOD.)

We don’t know if these staffers thought they could just lollygag over to the British Isles and stand in the middle of Trafalgar Square asking if anybody’s seen that old chap Christopher, but they didn’t find him, despite visiting his lawyers’ office and everything. (And Steele was there at the time! But alas, you GOP dicksnots, we are sorry you came all this way, but do you have an appointment? No? Then FUCK OFF.)

Sources told Politico the staffers were only trying to make contact with Steele’s lawyers anyway, so they obviously had to fly to England, because emails and telephones is the toughest. The Politico thing didn’t specify exactly who gave these staffers their orders, or why. Democrats on the committee didn’t know about it, the Senate Intelligence Committee didn’t know about it (and they were pissed), special counsel Robert Mueller didn’t know about it. WHO THE FUCK SENT THEM AND WHO KNEW ABOUT IT?

Oh that’s right, we spoilered it in the first sentence. The Guardian reports that it was fucking Devin Nunes, because it’s always fucking Devin Nunes, because he is a slow-brained bucket of alpaca jizz who doesn’t know how to stay in his own fucking lane:

Two US congressional staffers who travelled to London in July and tried to contact former British intelligence officer Christopher Steele were sent by a longstanding aide to Devin Nunes, the chairman of the House intelligence committee and a close ally of the White House.

That “longstanding aide” is Damon Nelson, who’s worked for Nunes in some way or another since 2003 and now serves as staff director for the committee. Now, to be clear, according to “congressional source,” this trip involved other intelligence committee things, also too, and wasn’t just a couple GOP dork-asses going on an English Snipe Hunt for a seasoned spy.

And to be entirely fair, it’s possible Nelson sent the staffers on this errand without telling his boss Devin, but hahahahahaha whatever. (That is Wonkette, being fair to Devin Nunes.)

Guess who else didn’t know about this little sexcapade, according to Rep. Adam Schiff, Democratic ranking member on the House Intel Committee? That’s right, it is Congressman Mike Conaway, the Republican now leading the House’s investigation due to Nunes’s non-recusal “recusal”! Yes for real, Nunes appears to be going behind HIS OWN PARTY’S BACK to act as Donald Trump’s grinning little butt boy.

Check out this quote from The Guardian:

“I find the fact that they presumably spent taxpayer money to undertake such a hyper-partisan and unprofessional effort extremely troubling,” John Sipher, a former senior CIA officer said in an emailed comment. “There are normal ways to do this through our existing institutions, and their relationships with our British partners. This is bad on many levels.

“Republicans that are part of the House investigation should not be undertaking efforts without informing their Democratic colleagues,” Sipher added. “Not only is it unprofessional but it is impolite. Mr Steele was a professional who worked on important and compatible issues with the US. He deserves better than being ambushed by a bunch of hacks.”

Hyperpartisan, troubling, unprofessional, impolite, bunch of hacks? Yep, that sounds like the Devin Nunes we all know and loathe. That sniveling fuck.

So here we are again. To remind everyone, Devin Nunes fake “recused” hismelf from the investigation after it became obvious that he, who worked on the Trump transition team, was really taking his orders from Donald Trump. We’ll never forget that week in March when, in an effort to distract good and patriotic Americans from the actual Russia investigation, Nunes became Trump’s errand boy, sprinting to the White House to get intelligence from the White House about allegedly nefarious “unmasking” of Trump People done by Obama People, then sprinting directly from the White House to the White House to tell the White House all the secret intelligence he learned from the White House.

Of course, Nunes explained later that he didn’t really recuse himself (FAKE NEWS!), and besides, he solved the Russia investigation months ago, by reading the secret messages in his dingleberries and unilaterally determining the Trump campaign didn’t collude with Russia, which led him to prematurely ejaculate “INNOCENT!” all over Trump’s face.

And now it looks like he’s sending little cum-rag GOP staffers to harass Christopher Steele IN ENGLAND, unless somehow his staff director gave those orders without telling his boss, uh huh OK sure LOLOL.

Can the voters of California’s 22nd district please take care of this little Devin Nunes problem next year, with votes? We’d sure appreciate it.

Wonkette salaries are fully paid by lovely and generous souls like you! If you love us, click below to pay our salaries, GENEROUSLY!

[Politico / The Guardian]

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  • armed_bears

    The republican party is ruining the good name of “derp”.

  • MynameisBlarney

    I’m sure that the people he sent were professionals and didn’t make the US look and fucking stupider than it already does.

    • armed_bears

      What about Don Jr and Eric? Whoa if true!

      • dave in texas

        Uday and Qusay, you mean?

  • Weird Fishes

    And in today’s episode of “The Law Means Whatever We Say it Does…”

  • armed_bears

    And, please, in recounting Nunes’ antics, never leave out the Uber, which completes the Pink Panther optics so nicely.

    • Crystalclear12

      The Devin is in the details.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Thank God these bunglecunts are so inept.

    • foiled again

      [Adds ‘bunglecunt’ to ever-growing Pejorative Lexicon]

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        Don’t forget the adjective: the preferred Wonkette nomenclature is hoofwanking bunglecunts.

        • foiled again

          Noted!

      • mardam422

        Weren’t The Bunglecunts a folk band from the 70s?

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      It’s right there in the name!

  • lucidamente

    Said staffers reporting to their boss after visiting Trafalgar Square:

    Congressman, they’ve got this admiral over here that they brought back in a barrel of brandy!

  • (((fka_donnie_d)))

    Right, because we don’t have enough people already who think Americans are assholes.

  • Crystalclear12

    Nixon would be so ashamed.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    We don’t know if these staffers thought they could just lollygag over to the British Isles and stand in the middle of Trafalgar Square asking if anybody’s seen that old chap Christopher,

    They kept asking strangers if it was really true that there were elephants and lions, too, at Piccadilly Circus.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      I cannot tell you how confusing I found the notion of a Piccadilly Circus without animals when I first came across the reference in my reading. Of course, I was twelve or so at the time.

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        I visited at age 30 and was definitely expecting more than a fucking roundabout.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    I will not be impressed until he goes Full Burton and hires hookers to pee on pumpkins in his back yard.

    • foiled again

      Hello, country bumpkin, fresh as whizz out on the pumpkin!

  • Cosmopolitan John
  • Marla

    Can’t somebody give this guy a paper route?

  • OutOfOrbit

    steele may counter with a dossier on nunes

  • Carpe Vagenda

    Of course, Nunes explained later that he didn’t really recuse himself (FAKE NEWS!), and besides, he solved the Russia investigation months ago, by reading the secret messages in his dingleberries

    Devin Nunes: even more improbably flexible than Steve Bannon.

  • Crystalclear12

    I am surprised England didn’t turn them away with a:
    Go away, we have enough racist, ignorant assholes.

  • AJ Milne

    In related: Bill Browder is on Pod Save The World today. Good description of just how Putin muscled in on the oligarchs’ turf and made himself insanely rich, and what happened to Magnitsky.

    • miss_grundy

      If you have the time, read his book “Red Notice”.

  • Scooby

    They might as well go try harass James Bond.

    • gallbladder

      That’s Plan B.

    • MynameisBlarney
      • arglebargle

        If only…

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “It’s times like this I regret giving up my 00 designation.”
      — Christopher Steele

      • chazmanr

        Beat me to it.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef
    • OneYieldRegular

      Inept, yes, but not arch enough.

  • Sedagive ’em Hell

    Devin Nunes should be *REDACTED* and *REDACTED* with a *REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED* until his *REDACTED* is *REDACTED*

  • armed_bears
  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    You would think that the overwhelming stench coming off Dolt 45 would have reached even Nunes’ nose by now, and that he’d be sloooooooowly backing away from the many-tentacled thing that’s about to ensnare anyone who ever collaborated with this failing regime. But, apparently not, so all I can say is Congressman, please proceed.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    I’m envisioning a clever gif where The Queen kicks a sensible-but-pointy-toed kitten heel shoe into Nunes’ danglers. But I’m too tired to photoshop that whole thing up, so use your imagination.

  • Kiri the Unicorn
    • gallbladder

      Is it me, or does Chaffetz look like a newborn Jabba the Hutt?

      • foiled again

        Or like Don Knotts’ awful younger brother?

      • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist
        • gallbladder

          Even better!

        • puredog

          My excuse is that I was at the gym this AM and faced with a TV monitor tuned to Fox, and Chaffetz was there babbling about the Great Tarmac Conspiracy, but mostly about how Loretta Lynch used an email alias (“Barbara Carlisle,” or something like that) despite testifying/stating (?) that she never had an email alias while at Justice. Anybody know what this fuckery is about? Is there any there there?

        • wait! what?

          …who’s gonna ruin Christmas…

      • Persistent Tennessee Rain

        The older brother in Weird Science.

    • Three Finger Salute

      You forgot the rabid ferret on his head.

    • OrG in Amsterdam

      It’s funny cause it’s true.

  • Tim Whetung

    Do NOT diss the mighty ALPACA by comparing IT to Devin Nunes . . .

    “The ALPACA is the worlds greatest animal. This is so because Jebus chose an ALPACA to ride to the area we now know as the United States. The ALPACA was his “godly animal” of choice because the ALPACA could walk across water, fly if it really loved you, and could reach speeds up to the speed of sound on foot. Be sure to get down and chant the following phrase if you see an ALPACA : “shama ghala eh oh calla, shama ghala eh oh calla.” The phrase means “pray to the almighty animal of god!” ” (Urban Dictionary, slightly rephrased)

    Got a friend who raises ’em.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Al-paca Akbar!

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      I find them adorable.

    • Skeptical_thinker

      They hum.

  • Ms.MLG on Maui

    Devin Nunes desperately races against the clock to find Donald Trump’s archnemesis, rogue spy Christopher Steele, in the mean streets of London. It’s an action-packed thrill ride..it’s a cinematic delight…it’s The Spy Who Fucked Me. (Starring Jon Lovitz as Devin Nunes.)

    • OneYieldRegular

      In reality, the trip sounds like it was about as “action-packed” as a James O’Keefe video.

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        That’s why I have to make up something more entertaining than a couple of dummies waiting in an attorney’s office.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Yeah, that’s the ticket!

      • wait! what?

        With his wife Morgan Fairchild; whom he’s seen nekkid.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Sadly, the CA-22nd voted for Donald by 9.5%, so we can’t count on it. That is, unless Donald really starts to fuck up…

    https://hollyonthehill.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/it-could-happen.jpg

    • Pat_Pending

      Yep, a big pile of stupid right in the lovely and oh-so-polluted Central Valley…

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    Did I miss the part in the article where these guys are to be brought before the Intelligence Committee to testify under oath as to what the fuck they were doing? Or maybe questioned by the FBI?

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Senate officials—whom NBC News has reported were negotiating their own interview with Steele—fear the aggressive move could spook Steele and derail his potential cooperation with their own probe.

    Well, shit.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      And, the point emerges.

    • OrG in Amsterdam

      Coincidence?

    • puredog

      I dunno. Steele doesn’t seem like the kind of guy who’d get his knickers in a twist over a pissant like Nunes. But that may well have been the point. Just inexpertlly played (gasp).

    • Erala Contratista

      “spook Steele” :-D

  • OneYieldRegular

    Did Nunes’ team perchance try to arrange to meet Steele in the lobby bar of the Millennium Hotel in Mayfair?

  • Is Shitweasel Rep. Devin Nunes Sending GOP Staffers To England To Harass Christopher Steele?

    OPERATION GET ME A CODPIECE
    http://cached.imagescaler.hbpl.co.uk/resize/scaleHeight/815/offlinehbpl.hbpl.co.uk/news/SUC/1-20170406114748222.jpg

    Buy one for the Kipper

  • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

    So Nunes thought he could send a couple of office drones to intimidate an MI6 agent? Guy must be even dumber than he looks. British secret agents are net exporters of intimidation.

    • miss_grundy

      Didn’t these people see “The Kingsmen”?????

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        “Manners” *click* “Maketh” *click* “Man”

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    Libtards, If I were asked I would go and find this Steele fellow and his totally made up do-ce-ay, my first stop would be a London pub because all Englishmen visit pubs. I would search high and low for him even if it took years and meant I would have to drink at every pub in Europe multiple times because I LOVE MY FUCKING COUNTRY!

    http://now-here-this.timeout.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/Features_AuldShille_NH_13.jpg

    • SisterArtemis

      You, skwerl, are a true patriot.

    • OneYieldRegular

      Can I, uh, volunteer to be part of this search?

      • MrTusks

        I do this research every night at home, in my basement, alone!

    • Covfefe’s Evil Twin

      Kinda like Drumpf’s “investigators” in Hawaii, eh?

    • miss_grundy

      By the way, were you involved in the search for Bamz’ birth certificate in Hawaii?? How many luaus did you hit while you were there?????

      • mardam422

        Or maybe helping OJ find the real killer?

      • Three Finger Salute

        It’s in the same place as Trudeau’s birth certificate from Cuba. Geraldo is already on the case doing some top-notch investigative journalism.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Now, that’s a plan I can get behind.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Beers and banjos? Oh this is a plan I can totally get behind!

    • Naytch

      Thank you for your service!

    • CindyinEncinitas

      Tip o’ the hat. Thank you for your sacrifice.

  • Scooby

    He sent the same guys that got thier asses kicked by PeeWee Herman.

  • Three Finger Salute

    Unprofessional and impolite != illegal, just like anything the prezznit does. Besides, only Cucknadians try to be “polite,” those goddamn communists and their Soros puppet Muslim drama teacher. This is MURRICA and we’ll be DAMNED if we’re going to be perfesshunal like some kinda Cosmo Kramer — uh, come-so-polly — uh, Cosby-pantyliner — uh — JEWS!

  • puredog

    I suppose we have to wait until next year if we’re going to address this problem *with votes* (rolls eyes, sighs in exasperation).

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Some Republicans, meanwhile, distrust their Democratic colleagues—suspecting them of maintaining a back channel to Steele to discuss the allegations in the dossier

    That may be what it takes to protect our nation, so…

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/65fe0d0a82274784f10fcd5232da4c3ff675750a48f6e5dd21f086452e4b1a92.gif

    • miss_grundy

      Christopher Steele, you are our only hope…..

      • Oblios_Cap

        Our nation turns its horrified eyes to you.

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    Not mentioned in the report, but equally relevant: the two staffers hummed the theme from Mission Impossible the entire flight to London.

    • yyyaz

      Too bad that it won’t be their careers self-destructing after five seconds.

      • AJ Milne

        This is your mission, if you’re self-destructive enough to accept it…

  • miss_grundy

    Hmmm, the House committee should make Damon Nelson and the two little GOP fucktards repay the U.S. government for their little holiday in merry Olde England. That and the three of them should be fired from their jobs. And Devin Nunes should be kicked in the dingleberries without benefit of votes. (Did I write that correctly, Dok?)

    • jesterpunk

      Steel toed votes?

      • miss_grundy

        Yeeeeeesssssssss………

  • DainBramage

    Devin seems to really want Mueller to look into his activities and finances. Who’s a stupid boy, Devin? Who’s a stupid boy?

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Other likely witnesses on both the House and Senate side after Congress returns from its August recess include Trump’s former campaign manager, Paul Manafort and his longtime political adviser, Roger Stone.

    Between football season and this, it’s going to be a hell of a fall season…

    https://usatsteelerswire.files.wordpress.com/2015/12/tomlin-celebrates.gif?w=1000

    • Major_Major_Major

      College sportsball OT, looks like UF may finally have a food offense for a change so I am looking forward to it. NFLwise, I’m enjoying Dallas’s troubles and laughing at the Jets and Phins.

      • Last Hussar

        Much US food is offensive. Cheese in a can? Really? Have you no decency?

        • Jonny On Maui

          “Ain’t got no pride, ain’t got no shame…”

        • Major_Major_Major

          Obviously you have never had the earthly delight “Spam and Velveeta on Wonder Bread”. Why you hate septionalism?

        • Persistent Demme

          My girls went to a summer camp where the Australian counselors called it “aerosol cheese.”

          • Last Hussar

            Think that might be the accent; they might have been saying “arsehole cheese”

  • Ms.MLG on Maui

    “If you are looking for ransom I can tell you I don’t have money, but what I do have are a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let Donald Trump off the hook now, that’ll be the end of it.”

  • revmatt

    CA-22 will eagerly return Nunes to office next year. While The Golden State has a reputation for liberalism, that is largely limited to parts of the Bay Area and Los Angeles. Most of the rest of the state is center-right with a large swath between L.A. and San Diego being among the most far right districts in the country.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      I wouldn’t be too sure. The district went for Trump 52%-47%, but it also voted for Kamala Harris by the same margin. Nunes only seems to skate by because he’s up against basically nil opposition, and he hasn’t made himself into a target… until now.

    • mardam422

      Nunes may be indicted by then. They’ll have to find another Republican moran/toady to send to Congress.

      • yyyaz

        Not to worry, they grow them in droves there.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    “I find the fact that they presumably spent taxpayer money to undertake such a hyper-partisan and unprofessional effort extremely troubling,” John Sipher, a former senior CIA officer said in an emailed comment. “There are normal ways to do this through our existing institutions, and their relationships with our British partners. This is bad on many levels.

    “Republicans that are part of the House investigation should not be undertaking efforts without informing their Democratic colleagues,” Sipher added. “Not only is it unprofessional but it is impolite. Mr Steele was a professional who worked on important and compatible issues with the US. He deserves better than being ambushed by a bunch of hacks.”

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/f5733e11b1ab593b656c0bf97dc2355be5731012cc34e4aedfc414f1ee353bcc.gif

    • Three Finger Salute

      I love how this story even has a spy named Cypher (Sipher).

      • yyyaz

        Too bad his first name isn’t Lou.

      • Jonny On Maui

        I hear the Dark Angels are after Cypher…

  • whitroth

    Youse ignored it when I sent the story to you. Youse also ain’t suggested that the Wonketteers email their Congresscritter, whereever they may be, and also Ryan (if he’ll accept emails from non-constituents), and tell them that Nunes needs to be Officially Censured by the House, and removed from the Intel Committee, like, yesterday.

  • memzilla Ω

    O/T BREAKING: Giant inflatable Trump chicken set up behind White House.
    . https://twitter.com/rick_holl/status/895358677774995456

  • Mr. Blobfish
    • (((fka_donnie_d)))

      Best part, eagle looks like a bad toupee

  • Michael R

    “The DPRK should cease any consideration of actions that would lead
    to the end of its regime and the destruction of its people.”
    Defense Secretary James Mattis

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/3b9546ff0b579bcfe2de33a4ee1bcf97dd0b63fd28236fd88a35728a9308dbd1.jpg

    • janecita

      I’m really uncomfortable, with the amount of generals in the Trump Regime. It screams, “Pinochet,” to me.

    • (((fka_donnie_d)))

      Expression says those balloons are filled with gasoline or methane.

    • Paperless Tiger

      Yer not supposed to threaten the people, Dumb-ass. Is this our new strategy: Heartless and Mindless?

  • Three Finger Salute

    I wouldn’t worry about Looney Nunes. He’s such a fucking moron he thinks he’s looking for a British superspy named Steele Dossier. He’s even got a classified photo of the MI6 agent, one that some 400-pound hacker sitting on his bed in mom’s basement provided for him.

    http://www.statesidestills.com/prodimages/brosnan_pierce_remington_steele_37095l.jpg

    • proudgrampa

      Christopher’s brother, Remington?

    • H0mer0

      [Still Hot]

  • elviouslyqueer

    Nunes’s pic looks like it would be more comfortable accompanying the Urban Dictionary entry for goatse.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Nunes has all sorts of Russian connections, but I don’t think he’s directly on the payroll like that vile asshole Rorhabacher.

    • Marla

      Rorhabacher is an outright traitor to his country

    • Oblios_Cap

      They are both California Republicans.

    • Claire

      Didn’t he sink all his money into a Russian winery, or something like that? I feel like there was Russia, and wine, and Nunes looking to go broke if things went south.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        yes

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Not on the payroll perhaps, but what’s Nunes favorite pick on the Russian Hooker Menu of Embarrassing Sexual Acts?

      • laughingnome

        The Moscow mule.

        • Latverian Diplomat

          “Wait, they do what with a copper mug? Tell me more.”
          — Devin Nunes

        • Ωbjectifier

          I am not looking that up on the urban dictionary. Learned that lesson the hard way.

      • BearWithPreExistingVotes

        Annexing the Ukraine?

    • spritely_troll

      I think they have something on Devin. Kompromat. What do you suppose naughty treasonweasel Devin did??

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Unfortunately for Nunes, Christopher Steele did not accept a Candygram, refused a free vacation in exchange for a brief time share pitch, and was not interested in helping out a Nigerian Prince. And those were their best ideas on how to get to him.

    • Three Finger Salute

      How about fake Russian hookers looking for sexytimes on his Disqus account?

      • Latverian Diplomat

        I hear there’s a steady stream of that sort of thing…

        • janecita

          Fake News!! Yellow Journalism!!!

          • Carpe Vagenda

            icwydt

    • gallbladder

      I’m still waiting for my 20M euro wire transfer to come through…

      • msanthropesmr

        I read that as wine transfer.

        • gallbladder

          I’ll take that also too.

        • proudgrampa

          Great minds…

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Yeah, George Soros and the Lumber Cartel are way behind on their monthly payments to me, too.

    • BosGrl

      They should have tried “land shark”.

  • MOG253

    Hard to keep all these plates spinning. Thanks, Wonkette.

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    OT: CNN: Trump and Tillerson spoke for an hour today

    Tillerson: Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!Shut up!Shut up!Shut up!Shut up!Shut up!Shut up!Shut up!Shut up!Shut up!Shut up!Shut up!Shut up!Shut up!Shut up!Shut up!Shut up!Shut up!Shut up!Shut up!Shut up!Shut up!Shut up!Shut up!………

    • yyyaz

      That would have been his thought bubble anyway.

      • Mavenmaven

        I suspect his thought bubble was more like “ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ”

        • BosGrl

          It’s zzzzz, then he snorts awake, then it’s shutupshutupshutup…

    • Three Finger Salute
    • mailman27

      The longest hour in the history of western civilization.

      • Three Finger Salute

        CBC presents a primetime special on the Trump/Tillerson phone conversation: “This Hour Has Too Many Minutes.”

  • CindyinEncinitas
  • Can the voters of California’s 22nd district please take care of this little Devin Nunes problem next year, with votes?

    It’s Fresno… which is sort of like our Florida…

    We’re terribly sorry.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      Lawyers: the best source of strategic political and military analysis since Wait what the fuck am I talking about.

      • gallbladder

        David Addington libelz!!!!

    • yyyaz

      Suckbag hoovering Ameros from fundie-pockets sez whut?

    • DainBramage

      Republicans always say that after they come in and destroy the careful and successful diplomacy of their Democratic predecessors.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Ya… Trump’s fucking LAWYER is now the Asian geo-political expert? Oh, and Jay, what’s next after talking doesn’t work, Fuckbag?

      • Johnatx

        Hell, why not? The shitbag that draws Dilbert was giving his opinion on North Korea last week. We’re so screwed.

        • Beanz&Berryz

          Naw… We’ll be OK. The NK leadership is reasonable enough to see that our’s is a clown car in a dumpster fire.

        • Three Finger Salute

          But what does Zyklon Ben think? Has anyone asked the Oracle of Delphi from the world of “shitlord” political cartoons? Won’t someone PLEASE think of Ben Garrison?!?!?

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      excuse me Jay? WTF do you know about anything?

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      It didn’t work, eh? Seems to me like most of these launches have been on Donnie’s watch, not Barry’s.

    • thixotropic jerk

      Sucklow’s idea of “didn’t work” must mean “nobody launched a missile at us yet, so WIMPY!” Funny how we successfully negotiated with Iran, Libya and a few others on this issue. But yeah, tell us Sucklord how your Analface-In-Chief will WIN ALL THE NUKEES by beating his concave chest and braying like a mad mule at Lil’ Kimchee.

  • Joshua Norton

    God I love this White House. Nothing but smooth sailing every day.

    • gallbladder

      Like a finely-tuned, well-oiled machine.

      • yyyaz

        Is a fleshlight considered to be a machine?

        • gallbladder

          In this instance, yes.

        • Bobathonic

          Asking for the Amish?

      • proudgrampa

        No chaos! No chaos! YOU’RE the chaos!!!

    • wait! what?

      Or so it would have been if certain modern theories concerning the shape of the world had not proved to be disastrously wrong…

      https://youtu.be/aSO9OFJNMBA

    • Ωbjectifier
      • MynameisBlarney

        Yikes.
        That looked like it could have been deadly.

        • thixotropic jerk

          Yeah it was pretty bad, happened down here in SoCal earlier this year. Injuries but no deaths.

      • aureolaborealis

        Then, too severely taught by cruel fate,
        To share in all the perils I relate,
        Then might I, with unrivall’d strains, deplore
        The impervious horrors of a leeward shore.

  • folderol

    it’s always fucking Devin Nunes, because he is a slow-brained bucket of alpaca jizz who doesn’t know how to stay in his own fucking lane

    It’s not alpaca jizz, it’s alpaca JAZZ, you filthy librel!
    https://soundcloud.com/ackkstudios/the-killer-golden-jazz-alpaca

  • HogeyeGrex
  • wait! what?
  • Claire

    OT: Daaaang. No-knock warrant served, is the speculation.

    https://twitter.com/MikeDelMoro/status/895362224092581888

    • Riley Whodat Venable

      This happened in July. Funny it is just being made public.

      • weejee

        Perhaps Manafort has already rolled.

      • Pretty sure Drumpf tweeted something odd on the 26th. Banned transgenders from the military that day, didn’t he?

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          that is the rumor- a preemptive distraction tweet, in case the news broke that day

        • Claire

          And also went on the warpath against the acting head of the FBI.

          • THAT! Perhaps that was his way of asking “Why Mannafort, my campaign manager, and not Hillary’s someone…something?”

      • gallbladder

        I love how his lawyer is going around saying he’s cooperating, when by my humble reckoning, such warrants are usually executed when the suspect does not cooperate.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          He was likely gish galloping them with a ton of useless crap and not giving them anything they actually sought, so they decided to help themselves and kicked in his door

        • Riley Whodat Venable

          Oh, he’s cooperating now that he is a “Person of interest.” Nobody wants to do Federal time. It is day for day. If sentences to 5 years you serve 5 years. And that is if you are a model prisoner.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        JUly 26th, so a couple weeks ago

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Which sounds like they didn’t knock when they came through the front door… Interesting… A guy under scrutiny for MONTHS, with a couple hundred days to hide/dispose of stuff, and THEN they go all SWAT team on him?

      • Claire

        Right? Maybe they intercepted something new, or got word that he was getting ready to make a run for Russia or something.

    • Marceline

      He’s married so how did they get in the house? Did wifey let them in?

      • jowgajen

        Let’s just say he’s gonna need a locksmith and maybe a handyman to fix that door.

      • Claire

        She was probably still asleep too. I keep seeing it referred to as a “pre-dawn raid.”

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Does anybody really think Paul Manafort’s family does grotty manual labor like operating doorknobs?

    • William

      Generally a judge will only grant a no knock warrant if there is a risk to the officers executing the warrant. IE a heavily armed suspect.

      • MrTusks

        Or imminent destruction of evidence if the police announce themselves.

    • P’jama Pahnts

      Remind me to never lie to Mueller

    • H0mer0

      “Take thy beak from out my heart and thy frame from off my door!”

    • I suspect somewhere in the papers they seized are his notes/tapes of the Drumpf Tower meeting involving J Kush and Uday in those discussions about oppo research, sanctions, adoptions.

  • Riley Whodat Venable

    The Steele Dossier will eventually be made public. Nunes is scared about this.

  • Nunes and Hannity: two assholes whose faces are fist magnets. Perhaps I can guide them against each other’s. Forcefully.

  • jesterpunk

    OT but is anyone in Massachusetts? Please tell me this moron doesnt have a chance of winning.

    https://arstechnica.com/tech-policy/2017/03/man-who-claims-he-invented-e-mail-is-now-running-for-us-senate/

    Shiva Ayyadurai, the Massachusetts man who for years has made a widely disputed claim that he invented e-mail, has formally declared his intention to run as a candidate for the United States Senate in 2018.

    The Federal Elections Commission only recently published Ayyadurai’s statement of candidacy online. It has a filing date of March 17.

    The Boston-area political neophyte announced his intention to run about a month ago on Twitter. He would be challenging incumbent Senator Elizabeth Warren, a Democrat.

    Earlier this year, Ayyadurai sued Techdirt, alleging the news website libeled him by calling him a “fraud” due to his claim to have invented e-mail. Ayyadurai had previously also sued Gizmodo’s parent site Gawker over articles that he alleged also disparaged him. As part of the settlement in that case, those two stories were removed and he got $750,000. In both lawsuits, Ayyadurai was represented by Charles Harder, the lawyer who also represented Hulk Hogan in his lawsuits against Gawker. The Hogan lawsuit led to a $140 million verdict, which drove Gawker into bankruptcy and shuttered the website.

    The entrepreneur is a Republican, and his Twitter feed suggests he has been a supporter of Donald Trump for at least several months. Ayyadurai faces an uphill battle: in the last 25 years, Massachusetts has only elected one Republican senator, Scott Brown, whom Warren defeated in 2013. (Warren also faces another GOP challenger, Allen Waters, who did not immediately respond to Ars’ request for comment.)

    • ariel_gee_398

      Is Curt Schilling gonna throw his hat into the ring, too? Those primary debates would be magical…

      • jesterpunk

        Shilling supports this guy.

      • Maybe Scotty will return from New Zealand and throw his hat too

      • Three Finger Salute

        His bloody socks, you mean. Which someone should have stuffed in his mouth (like votes in a ballot box) before he opened it to opine.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      These people (not yet rated by Charity Navigator, but they are a valid 501(c)3) are raising money to help Techdirt defend themselves from this guy.

      • jesterpunk

        Yeah, are had another story where TechDirt is getting donations to stay in business too.

        https://arstechnica.com/tech-policy/2017/08/techdirt-accepts-250000-to-expand-journalism-on-free-speech-issues/

      • Three Finger Salute

        I still sometimes stop by Techdirt for the copyright-reform articles, even though they bought into the albino rapist’s Russian disinfo campaign. The level of venom directed at the site’s founder after he said he was going to weigh in on the cruelty of Trump’s anti-immigrant policies and not just write about “tech stuff” became unbearable.

        His name is Michael Masnick, and you can bet there were plenty of drive-by trolls who spelled his name with the requisite (((parentheses))). I don’t even think he’s actually Jewish, but the fact that “Masnick” sounds kind of Jewish-ish is enough for them. They probably put echoes around Ashton (((Kutcher))) too, and I don’t mean as a humorous intentional misspelling of He Went to Jared. The actual actor.

        These people are fucking insane. They’ve even gone so far as to say that maybe he should rethink his openness towards immigrants, since the “I invented email like a common Al Gore” guy is obviously not an Anglo-Saxon “real American,” and that he wouldn’t be facing the lawsuit at all if he would just join the hate campaign to have the guy deported or worse. “Concern trolling is no way to go through life, son” — a fact that is woefully, but deliberately, lost on them.

        Masnick is fighting a two-front war against the patent troll and the commenting trolls who are basically saying he “asked for it.”

        • BearWithPreExistingVotes

          As a Minnesotan, I sometimes wonder what the righties would think if we parenthesized some GOP pol with an extremely Scandinavian name, just for kicks. (((Gundersen)))…

    • Three Finger Salute

      Probably not. Warren is adored here, and the fact that he’s a Trumpsucker means his candidacy is dead in the water. The preacher who drafted Uganda’s Kill the Gays law ran for governor here. He got, I think, a decimal percentage of the vote.

      • jesterpunk

        Good, I hope that guy loses really bad and is never heard from again.

        • Three Finger Salute

          That moron (Scott Lively) wanted to turn Nantucket into a prison colony for LGBT. I gather he got his political platform from a bawdy limerick.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Is he trying to be New England’s version of Bobby Jindal? Okay, first he’d have to change his name. Shiva is much too furrin for them Back Bay Republicans. He needs to be a “Sammy” or a “Shawn”.

    • georgiaburning

      Make sure he gets the Pablo Sandoval endorsement, just for the Red Sox fans

      • Dudleydidwrong

        “Mr. Ayyadurai, a Mr. Bill Buckner on Line 2. Wants to endorse your candidacy.”

  • weejee

    Dow Jones reports strong upticks in the stock prices for shedding machine manufacturers.

    • John Thorstensen

      “Shredding”, esp. the Fawn Hall Signature model.

      I had a dog once that was a shedding machine.

  • Mavenmaven

    That’s a rather piss poor excuse for travelling abroad.

    • jesterpunk

      Maybe they wanted the pee hooker prices?

  • MynameisBlarney
    • jesterpunk

      Wait, which is it? From your article

      The Trump Organization says its Washington hotel and similar businesses have voluntarily implemented procedures to identify profits from foreign government sources and divert those to the U.S. Treasury.

      From an earlier article when congress requested that info.

      https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2017/05/trumps-company-isnt-tracking-all-the-money-it-gets-from-foreign-governments/527997/

      Now, however, the Trump Organization is telling Congress that determining exactly how much of its profits come from foreign governments is simply more trouble than it’s worth.

      • BosGrl

        Well, we wanted to, but then we couldn’t because we didn’t know how, and YOU’RE NOT THE BOSS OF US!

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        It’s Trump, so probably both or neither at the same time.

        • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

          Schroedinger’s Profits?

      • MynameisBlarney

        I think by the time everyone’s done with the turmp regime, there won’t be any left for the vultures.

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        I’m gonna try ‘It’s too much trouble to comply with the law so I won’t’ next time I’m pulled over for driving without taillights.

        • jesterpunk

          There are a few things you need to make sure of first.

          1 Be a White Male.

          2 see 1

          3 see 1

          4 Be rich and also see 1

          • Komsumverweigerer Ron

            Maybe they’d let me slide on number 4 if I wear a shirt and tie?

    • wait! what?

      It’s never this Vector :(

      Although, it would be awesome if Judge Daniels pulled up to the court house in one.

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/f69e63ecccefd8a473b9ba46f2faf2f1d641af9b33fe71d49e9f3c6a00141a46.jpg

  • Marceline

    I love how these folks thought that were going to intimidate a former MI-6 agent on his home turf Talk about bringing a spork to a gun fight.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      And holding it backwards, also too… Just like their moms told them not to do with scissors…

    • Raan

      “Yes, Representative Nunes, we will definitely make contact with Mr. Steele or his lawyers.” *Shakes head at other aide who is packing for England*

      • marxalot

        *Mouths “what a moron” at other aide while booking tickets for the London Eye*

        • Résistance Land Shark Ω
        • Raan

          “Yes, yes, I’m sure we’ll get him to go back on it all.”
          *Makes “jack off” motion with hand*

          • Sakonyachen

            All while leading through a list of tourists attractions and lamenting the fact that the tour bus they wanted to take would leave them too far to meet with Steele’s lawyer.

    • The Wanderer

      One can imagine Steele’s former coworkers ringing up the Department of Dirty Tricks Directorate of Diverse Tactics to see what they can get away with and still make look like an accident.

  • Komsumverweigerer Ron

    And somewhere in Washington, Robert Mueller sighs and hires four MORE staff.

    • BosGrl

      It’s great that all those fired US attorneys have a new career.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Well, Dampnutz did say something about jerbs.

    • Red Bird

      At this point the whole party is complicit.

  • MynameisBlarney

    10 phrases you’ll hear from Trump supporters in the post-Trump era

    *shamelessly nicked from ck4829 on DU*

    10. When will the government stop propping up refugees and mutants
    and start supporting the untainted veterans of the great war?

    9. Dang Muslims taking all the scavenger jobs!

    8. What do you mean I don’t really want to be a scavenger! Of course I do, supervising the scavengers!

    7. Of course I’m untainted, my hair has always been falling out in clumps! I am normal, it’s all of you who are the freaks!

    6. Radiation being harmful? Get real, that’s just fake news.

    5. I’ll tell you my opinion on the subject when the Breitbart brain implant finally gets restored.

    4. Maybe the job creators will come back if we sacrifice just a few more virgins.

    3. My Jim Bakker gold coins are totally good for trading, hey, where are you going?!

    2. Oh come on, “cannibalism” is what Arabs and people south of Mexico do, this is just “survival eating.”

    1. I never really supported him.

    • wait! what?

      Make America Glow Again

  • Beanz&Berryz

    And three more indictments for obstruction of justice, for their troubles…

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      Nice of them to ensure Mueller will have work right up to retirement.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        One of those dipshits will roll on Nunes… hmmm… but I suppose, the charge would be conspiracy to obstruct justice, since they did their planning here for damn sure, before they left, and they didn’t get to do their obstructing, because they’re dipshits, and, any obstructing would have been done there in UK, so maybe not an illegal U.S. act, but maybe – which may be why the dipshits flew there to talk to the receptionist in the lawyers office… to be obstructing outside U.S. jurisdiction, except as dipshits they forgot about the planning they did here

  • The Wanderer

    I thought that the secret message in Nunes’ dingleberries read “Little Orphan Annie says drink your Ovaltine.”

  • Jgb979

    Lord knows when an Mi-6 agent sees this picture of masculinity knocking on their doors

    https://img.wonkette.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/nunes3.png

    They’re all going to instantly collapse into a pile of submissive piddle stains

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      I knew an mi-6 agent. He showed me his bullet wounds he picked up in place he wouldn’t tell me. They’d all laugh in this dipfuck”s face.

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        But if he showed you he wouldn’t need to tell… oh, wait, I get it, never mind.

        • H0mer0

          it’s kinda hard to tell behind the glory hole.

  • mailman27

    Pointless junkets to England by Congressional aides… Deficit hawks!!

  • WotsAllThisThen

    I would be really impressed if they were able to get tickets to the Globe theatre that weekend.

  • Resistance Fighter Astraea

    brb, writing Christopher Steele/John Sipher fic.

    • wait! what?

      Throw in some South Park woodland critters so it can end in a blood orgy.

  • therblig
    • FukuiSanYesOta

      Penfold held them off.

      • theblackdog

        Penfold, shush!

  • whitroth

    If only Christopher Steele had an American cousin, name of Man. O. Steele….

  • Jim QuinnX

    Relax, peeple. This is a perfectly routine effort to get the taxpayers to pay for a perfectly routine sightseeing trip to Jolly Olde England. All perfectly routine. Nothing to see here. Run along.

    • Walter Wellstone

      Boondoggle!

  • MynameisBlarney

    Meanwhilst, at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.

    https://twitter.com/hilaryr/status/895310041124876288

    • wait! what?

      All the Hilary’s are belong to us!

  • wait! what?

    Whose gonna tell Donald that Derek Flint and Matt Helm can’t help him out of this one?

  • Me not sure

    He sent them there on a (dia)critical mission to find his missing tilde.

    • therblig

      ñet

      • CindyinEncinitas

        Say, that’s a cute accent you have there.

        • therblig

          now i’m stressing.

    • Zyxomma

      He’s not of Spanish ancestry, but Portuguese. No tilde, you’re the tilde.

      • Me not sure

        I’ll regret this tilde day I die.

        • Zyxomma

          XD

  • SayItWithWookies

    How come everyone on Team Assmouth is sooooo bad at this espionage shit and yet they’re still walking around free? It makes me wish he tried to steal a Snickers from a 7-11 instead – he’d be in much deeper shit by now.

    • MrTusks

      Congress needs to work out who is going to make money off this and how before they actually do something.

      • Bebecca

        and then blame it all on Hillary and Obama.

    • SprinklemagicResistancebuns

      If he did that, and his skin was a tad darker, he’d be shot by now.

  • anon_the_great

    I’m beginning to suspect there’s a Nunes pee pee tape as well.

    • whitroth

      Do I have to remind you from the spring, that Nunes claims only $51k net worth, the $400+k home is in his wife’s name, and of the $51k, $50k is invested in the Alpha Omega Winery? Oh, and of the dozen or 15 distributors, one is, wait for it, the biggest distributor of alcoholic beverages…in Russia? And the CEO of said distributor is a buddy of a well-known Russian political figure?

      • anon_the_great

        How could it be any other way.

      • therblig

        do they just sell communion wine?

        • whitroth

          One wonders just what they do, with that extreme a religious name.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    This is nothing but a fish and chips expedition.

    • Damnit. Now i want fish and chips

    • Lance Thrustwell

      They’ll never locate Fission Chips!

      • CindyinEncinitas

        And they haven’t invented Fusion Chips yet but when they do, I hope they have a cool ranch flavor.

    • President in Exile Firefly

      Someone oughta batter you.

  • William
  • TundraGrifter

    These idiots probably has about as much luck negotiating with Mr. Steele and President Trump’s attorney has had “reaching out” to Robert Mueller.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      Nobody does icy polite sarcasm like the British. Congress? Did you say he had Congress with an Alpaca, sir?

      • TundraGrifter

        I just read “Troubles” by J.G. Farrell. Laugh out loud funny! Although I did like “The Siege of Krishnapur” a little better.

    • CindyinEncinitas

      Come on! He was just trying to borrow a cup of sugar!

  • Nick.Trite

    “Yeah boss, we need to take a few weeks in London to figure this thing out. We’re also gonna need passes to ride the London Eye and tickets to the castle where they filmed Harry Potter. Ya know, for research.”

    • wait! what?

      Make it 3 tickets. Met a guy called Spotted Dick on grindr…

    • TundraGrifter

      Probably Donald Trump’s private investigators back from Hawaii after years of research into Mr. Obama’s birth certificate. Tanned, rested and ready.

      Mr. Trump said we wouldn’t believe what they found over there. I’ll agree with that!

  • tehbaddr

    “slow-brained bucket of alpaca jizz”, that isn’t really fair to all the Alpaca!

    • Lambsendbeds

      It’s not even fair to the jizz.

      • Hemp Dogbane

        Think of the bucket !

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Nothing is ever fair to the jizz.

        Case in point: When Bannon sucks his own cock (Source: Anthony Scarmucci), some of it splashes on his sideburns and whatever he is growing on his chin.

        Is this fair?

        Spermatozoa have rights!

        • Tasha Naraganza, of Spain

          “Every sperm is sacred …”

    • CindyinEncinitas
      • Canned Covfefe

        That’s just not right

        • Tasha Naraganza, of Spain

          They shear them like sheep. Alpaca wool dresses people all over Peru, Bolivia, etc.

          • Zyxomma

            Please note: alpaca fiber, which is warm, silky, and lovely, is NOT any type of wool. Wool contains lanolin, which irritates the skin of many people. Wool allergy is common. I don’t know anyone who’s allergic to alpaca.

          • Mehmeisterjr

            Once again, I learn something new.

            I was always uncomfortable with wool but now I know why.

            I will have to look into alpaca, except it is hot as Hell here, so maybe not today.

          • Tasha Naraganza, of Spain

            Alpaca wool is very soft and warm.

          • Tasha Naraganza, of Spain

            The quality of the wool itself may be at issue, not the lanolin. Wool that is scratchy is of cheaper quality than a better strain, such as merino wool. But if you wear scratchy wool AND are allergic to lanolin, you might be under the double whammy.

          • Tasha Naraganza, of Spain

            Alpaca wool is a common term used widely, including by the little Inca women I have met who sell items woven from it, though most web sites do point out that it lacks lanolin, even those that call it wool, to distinguish it from sheeps’ wool. We could argue it, further, but I think that would be splitting alpaca fibers. I will yield the point, and call it alpaca … something.

          • Zyxomma

            Sé que es común. Eso no lo hace correcto. I know I’m splitting alpaca hair, but it’s SUCH a beautiful fiber that I’d hate for anyone with wool allergy to think they must avoid it. It’s my second favorite mammal fiber — first is qiviut.

          • Tasha Naraganza, of Spain

            Ah, the musk ox. Well, given your appreciation for fine fibers I certainly can understand your wanting to share the experience. I certainly prize my little alpaca shawl. It’s my go-to when I want to sit out on the screened porch and read at night the autumn. So light, but warm and soft.

      • Tasha Naraganza, of Spain

        Pro tip: If you are ever facing an adorable llama, alpaca, guanaco or vicuna, with a range of six feet, and you see those cute ears go back flat against that cute skull, back the hell away, because you are being targeted for a big honking wad of phlegm and stomach contents, and their aim is excellent.

        • CindyinEncinitas

          Thank you. That’s helpful information indeed (esp. the guanaco (??) part).

          • Tasha Naraganza, of Spain

            There are four native camelid species in South America. The llama and the alpaca are the two most well known. The llama serves as a draft animal and a source of meat. The alpaca gives a fine wool, and also is eaten. The two others, the guanaco and vicuna are kind of the wild cousins of the first two, and are smaller, although it is said that the Inca king was the only one who had the authority to wear vicuna wool, which is still among the rarest natural fibers in the world. The vicuna is the smallest species, the guanaco slightly larger, then the alpaca, and finally the llama.

          • CindyinEncinitas

            Now you have me wondering where I can get some vicuna yarn… I am a knitter.

          • Tasha Naraganza, of Spain
          • CindyinEncinitas

            I don’t see any vicuna on there. I use Manos de Uruguay a lot and I love alpaca. It’s so soft. It’s great for gloves.

          • Tasha Naraganza, of Spain

            Oh, I’m sorry, I had alpaca on the brain.
            Here’s a place, but it’s pricey as all get-out:
            https://www.pascuali.de/en/vicuna-100-vikunjawolle-ein-exklusives-hochwertiges-strickgarn/a-60816/

            Also marketed is paco-vicuna, fibers from the cross of alpaca with vicuna.
            http://www.bijoubasinranch.com/paco-vicuna-fingering/

          • CindyinEncinitas

            Is it a blend of fibers or a product of inter-species dating?

          • Tasha Naraganza, of Spain

            My understanding is interspecies dating. You don’t have a lot of vicunas, but you can breed a lot of hybrids, and although the fleece may not be quite vicuna quality, it’s probably better than alpaca and quite a bit cheaper than $1,000 bucks per hundred grams.

          • CindyinEncinitas

            Fuck! No thanks! The pictures are really pretty, though. Manos is lovely and I love supporting the women in Uruguay.

          • Tasha Naraganza, of Spain

            It’s a compromise. And like many compromises, it can leave people unsatisfied. Curious though; would you pay a grand for 100 grams of vicuna fiber?

          • CindyinEncinitas

            Not in a million years. I am a commoner. The most I would pay for 100 grams of anything is $25.

          • Tasha Naraganza, of Spain

            Then I’m afraid your dream depends on you finding a wealthy sponsor, or, and I like this one better, becoming an international yarn thief with mad burglar skills employing knitting needles.

          • CindyinEncinitas

            I like the way you think! Ninja knitting burglar. That will look killer on a resume.

          • Tasha Naraganza, of Spain

            International Knitter of Mystery!

          • CindyinEncinitas

            The #8 Needles of Fury!

          • Tasha Naraganza, of Spain

            You have a particular set of skills.

        • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

          Don’t you mean CUTE phlegm and stomach contents?

          • Tasha Naraganza, of Spain

            I do! Although that is a matter of perspective, depending upon whether one is a spectator of the expectoration or a participant in the event.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Wow. Alpaca lionz!

      • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

        Front alpaca: HA HA HA look at Middle Alpaca he looks like such a DORK
        Middle Alpaca: I do? Henhhh? What’s a dork?
        Back Alpaca (high pitched voice): Um, don’t we all look the same?

        • CindyinEncinitas

          It’s one of my favorite pictures. The way the composition of the faces pull your eye from one to the next and then the one in the middle. Endless fun.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          Three alpacas walk into a bar.

          Barman: You guys all look goofy.

          Three Alpacas: At least we aren’t Two Corinthians.

          Barman: Yeah, I’ll spot you that.

  • Manhattan123

    I’m pretty sure MI6 knows its way around poison umbrellas. And they have those cool cars with ejector seats and the tie pins that shoot darts. It sure would be a shame if something were to happen to those Republican staffers. And not with votes.

  • SCK

    slow brained bucket of alpaca jizz

    thanks for the chuckle for the rest of the day! :)

  • Roni Raven, Undercovfefe Agent

    Has this been posted?

    A research firm tied to a dossier of salacious allegations involving President Donald Trump is turning over thousands of pages of documents to a congressional committee.

    That’s according to a person familiar with the situation, who spoke on condition of anonymity because the arrangement had not yet been publicly announced.

    The firm, Fusion GPS, was turning over records Wednesday in response to a request from the Senate Judiciary Committee. The panel is one of several investigating Russian meddling in the 2016 presidential election.

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/the-latest-trump-jr-provides-records-to-senate-panel/2017/08/09/6d48d054-7d14-11e7-b2b1-aeba62854dfa_story.html

  • theblackdog

    Nelson has been on Nune’s staff since 2003? They’re fucking.

    • TundraGrifter

      Does Nunes have a Downton Abbey office?

    • Lurking Splendorist

      My first thought also.

  • The Librarian

    I know there’s money to be made selling gen-u-ine Devin Nunes dingleberry reading kits.

    • Roni Raven, Undercovfefe Agent

      EWWWWW

    • Dudleydidwrong

      How far we have done sunked! The Greeks got their information from oracles and “let’s get buzzed” vapors. The Romans read the entrails of chickens and the directions that birds flew in the sky. Now here in the 21st century we are stuck with Nunes’s Dingleberries. Civilization marches backwarder and backwarder.

  • WideStance

    I don’t think there’s a plausible explanation other than an attempt to obstruct the investigation.

    • kaydenpat

      Exactly. He should have to explain himself and then suffer consequences for obstruction and violations of ethics.

  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    The worst part is that Devin Nunes seems dumb enough to actually be someone who would fall out of a fifth story window, while installing a hot tub.

    Or even while reading a manual on how to operate a hot tub.

    • Heyzeus Ahchay

      Hahahahaha! Nunes “reading.” Hahahahah!

  • BJW

    These ding dong aides thought they could fly over to London, harass Steele’s attorneys, and they would LEARN things? How fucking stupid are these idiots?! (I know, a YUUUUGE amount.)

  • Petunia Cat

    Can someone please put Devon Nunes in jail? He is surely guilty of obstruction of justice and contempt of Congress. The fact that all his interferings have been pathetically ineffective should not spare him. And then we would finally be spared and knowledge of his ridiculous antics. 🙄

    • kaydenpat

      It’s a shame that we only read about such stories in left leaning media. Nunes needs to be shamed for his conduct. It’s beyond reproachable and is not acceptable for an elected official.

  • andyshelt

    Mr Nunes, There’s a Robert Mueller on line 1 with some questions for you.

    • wavicles

      Oh… um, never mind that, sir. He must have been on cell because he just came through the front door with several lrage men in tow, he should be knocking on your door any sec…

      BAM, BAM, BAM, BAM
      “This is the FUCKIN EFF BEE IEE! OPEN THIS DOOR!”

  • Angela Ruzzo

    I herewith volunteer to fly to England at taxpayer expense and spend 2 weeks looking high and lo for Mr. Steele, if Mr. Nunes is interested in my services. September would be a good time to go, as the heather will be blooming.

    • kaydenpat

      And find that dang birth certificate for Obama while you’re at it. It wasn’t in Hawaii since Trump’s minions couldn’t find it so it may be in the U.K. Who knows?

      • They were with the ambassador in Benghazi, whom Hillary had killed by giving that STAND ORDER so that she could watch the Quran burning video and get inflamed.

      • Lefty Wright

        Knowing how incompetent Trump hires are, I doubt they did a thorough job in Hawaii. I volunteer to go to Hawaii on the government dime AS LONG AS IT TAKES to prove the Obama birth certificate was fake. That’s just the type of upstanding patriot I am. Thanking you in advance. First class air travel would be appreciated since I’m on the east coast.

        • Zyxomma

          Hey, I’d do it coach, but I’d need a stipend.

        • kaydenpat

          Lol!

        • Mehmeisterjr

          Knowing how cheap Trump is, I doubt those researchers existed outside of his own delusional head.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      I would also volunteer for that trip, but only if I can take a side trip to Stratford for a bit of Bardolatry.

      If they could also arrange for me to have a leisurely lunch with Michael Palin, that would be nice, too.

      Oh, and the Bodleian. I’d hate to miss the Bodleian and I’m next to certain that I could pick up a lot of valuable dirt on people named Steele there.

      Are there any good shows on the West End?

      I’m just bursting with ideas. Devin, call me.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        You are welcome to join me, as long as we can go to Stonehenge, the British Museum (Rosetta Stone and Elgin Marbles), the National Portrait Gallery, Lincoln Cathedral, York, Hadrian’s Wall, and the 14th century house in Buckinghamshire that I saw on “Escape to the Country” that I want to buy once I save up $800,000 ($799,950 to go).
        https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/8afb49ca90e593f0b2f7c8d1772af56be670a2183fb4fc6881e9b976d100222a.jpg

        • Mehmeisterjr

          Lovely as this is, I am focused, laser-like, on tracking down Steele.

          So, high tea in Chelsea?

        • harryeagar

          Edinburgh Fringe Festival coming up. And you’ll want to work in an afternoon of morris dancing

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I’m ready. Maybe I could fit in “England’s Medieval Festival” at Herstmonceux Castle on Aug. 26-28. What a good thing England is geographically a small country, as one can fit in lots of fun things, especially in late summer when the sun doesn’t set until 8 pm.

          • TrickyDickyBE

            Everything sounds lovely, but you may be off on the night time bit. Late June in some parts of the UK, you have sunshine after 11pm. This time of year, there’s still daylight past 9pm. I just wouldn’t want you to be exposed to actual daylight if you are spooking around for Mr. Steele (although I should point out, the government can still afford street-lighting in London for the moment). Post-Brexit, you’ll probably need to bring candles with you.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Daylight is for hunting history, nigh time is for hunting Steele. This will work fine for me because since I retired I started staying up until the wee hours and sleeping until 10 am.

            If England was Louisiana, everyone would be buying generators, but I don’t think natural gas is as cheap in the UK as it is in Louisiana.

  • Canis Greyhame

    Oh for fuck’s sake! I didn’t realize it was Nunez behind this little field trip when the story first came out, but of course it was. We’re just going to have to start borrowing terms like hoofwanking bunglecunt from the UK to properly describe him.

    • WhoCheckedRussia’sVoterID

      I like how they use “cunt” more in the UK.

      Yes…that is what I’m taking away from all of this…

      • Heyzeus Ahchay

        I, too, like to use cunt.

      • nick kelly

        The word ‘twat’ is much more used than here. Year or two ago the BBC had a leader of the opposition on live and he was asked if he tweeted.
        No he said too much tweeting and you turn into a twat.
        After interview is over the guy meets his young female aide and he says I think that went pretty well. Yes she says apart from language.

        The guy wouldn’t dare have said cunt even though it means twat.
        Twat in UK means asshole and is usually directed at a male.

        • WhoCheckedRussia’sVoterID

          So would twat be to cunt what shit is to fuck?

  • kaydenpat

    **deep breath**

    These people are really awful. I mean we don’t even know the depth of their awfulness because it has no bottom.

  • Bill Patterson
  • Zyxomma

    Alpaca jizz LIBELZ!!111!!!!!!!!11!!!!!! Now, there’s something I never thought I’d have to type. In general (em geral), I like Portuguese people and their descendants. That doesn’t include Devon, who’s a stupid shitweasel.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    Two Corinthians walk into a pub in Whitehall.

    Corinthian One (thick American accent, trying to sound British): I say, old chap, old bean. Do you know where I could knock up a bally old chap named Steele?

    Publican: We have many a Steele hereabouts, sir. Have you in mind a particular Steele?

    Corinthian Two (similar fake accent, attempting Cockney): ‘Ere now, don’t ‘and me your pony and get your Bristols in a wringer. Where’s this Steele bloke, then?

    Corinthian One: Never mind him, dear fellow. He is seeking treatment. We are seeking a certain Mister Steele. Do you know where he might be?

    Publican: I shall attempt to answer your question. Betimes, would you gentlemen care for a drink? On the house? Eh?

    The Corinthians nod, avidly.

    Publican: That will be two very, very warm beers, then. I shall be back, presently.

    The Publican repairs to the back room, which is an MI6 situation room.

    Publican: Oh dear, more of those Devin Nunes fellows. So tiresome. It’s the third time this week, sir.

    Superior Officer: Give them two tickets to The Mousetrap and a glossy of Pierce Brosnan as Remington Steele. That should occupy their hours for a bit.

    Publican: They aren’t excessively bright, are they, sir?

    Superior Officer: Not so very much, indeed.

    • Aside, I do enjoy your two Corinthians series.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Thanks, although I do have to give full credit to Donald Trump for pulling these entirely imaginary two characters out of his ass. And it wasn’t a pretty sight.

        Anything I do with them is just building on his rich, delusional fantasy.

        Just hosing them off from their Trumpian/cloacal origins was a major project.

        Still, I am grateful. The Two Corinthians. Comedy Gold.

        My MAGA hat is off to you, Mr. President, sir.

    • Lorindel Ó Loingsigh

      MOAR “2 Corinthians”pls.

  • dshwa

    I think we know who’s house door Mr. Mueller is knocking at next.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Nunes might as well wear a promotional t-shirt from Target stores. And it is his own fault. He signed up for this.

      • Carla Vandermeer

        When you are a rethuglican, nothing is ever your fault. It’s like being a bankster. The rulers don’t seem to apply.

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    Hopefully the staffers got to eat some decent fish and chips, and also watch the changing of the guard at Buckingham Palace. Otherwise, the trip was a waste of time.

  • Phones and emails leave a trail. Silly Wonkette don’t you know how to spy?

    • Johnny Appleseed

      So do plane tix and a multitude of receipts as well as video at airports.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    They’re changing the Guard at Buckingham Palace,
    Devin’s employees went down with Alice.
    So where is the guy, the guy named Steele?
    “Don’t dare you attempt to cop a feel.”

    Says Alice.

    They’re changing the Guard at Buckingham Palace,
    Devin’s employees went down with Alice.
    They try to wave their tiny weenies,
    “Shouldn’t you try to avoid subpoenes?”

    Says Alice.

    They’re changing the Guard at Buckingham Palace,
    Devin’s employees went down with Alice.
    I am recused but what the shit.
    I’d sell my country for a thruppeny bit.

    Says Devin.

    • oh sweet. my youth compromised by nunes.

  • Jeff Mc Donald

    This is NOT a waste of time and money! What could be more important than showing the world that we are not the country with the peed on President. It’s embarrassing!

  • Little Lulu Ω

    Whatever happened to that committee that was supposed to investigate Nunes, which was the reason he did and/or didn’t recuse hisself?

  • Jesse

    Anybody but alpaca jizz 2018

  • Maybe

    Nunes is leaning so far backwards to protect Trump that he can kiss two asses at the same time.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Just because, Mitch McConnell can go shit in his hat.

  • Heyzeus Ahchay

    Between the “Roll off your cousin-girlfriends and pay attention, deplorable Trump supporters” line from the Stephen Miller revelation and the “because he is a slow-brained bucket of alpaca jizz who doesn’t know how to stay in his own fucking lane” line from above, I understand why Evan is Wonkette’s SENIOR Editor. My appreciation and respect, sir.

    • Shelli Kae

      Evan is most definitely a wonky artist of the written word! He has such an eloquent way with the use of oddball adjectives and descriptive nouns to describe Trumpoompaloompa and his cast of deplorables!

      • CafeenMan

        Agreed but would be improved with more splooge.

  • Laffing Crow

    “Hyperpartisan, troubling, unprofessional, impolite, bunch of hacks?”

    It seems we ascended from a “superpower” to a dah, dah, dah, DUUMMMM!!!! (drumroll) “HYPERPOWER” today! Forget Devin Numbnuts. We are all hyper every fuckin’ thing now; just by definition.

    Nazi says so: https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/posteverything/wp/2017/08/09/the-perks-of-being-a-hyperpower/?utm_term=.4a7a62f7ea3f

    • Sakonyachen

      That article read like it was one of our own, minus the dick jokes.

    • SeeTrain65

      We’re certainly more hyperbolic.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    OT: Trump names Jamie McCourt as Ambassador to France.

    Her qualifications include giving Trump four hundred grand and her apparently chronic attraction to loud-mouthed, blowhard shitweasles.

  • Sakonyachen

    ALPACA JIZZ LIBULZZZ!!!111!!!1

    Or so I’ve been told.

  • Sakonyachen

    Congressional aides couldn’t find a foreign intelligence operative in his own country? I’m shocked. Next you’re gonna tell me that a delivery driver like myself can’t beat Mayweather at boxing.

  • What’s the over and under on the David Nunes is on the Russian payroll? Seriously.

  • bigjericho

    Ever notice how Nunes, Roger Stone, Manafort, Carter Page and a few others from this crew all wear those Al Capone mobster suits with the wide pinstripes?

    • CindyinEncinitas

      Like the pants Phil Mickelson wears sometimes that I can’t stand.

  • Rosslynite

    Since when did “cum rag” become an insult?!?!?! On behalf of consensual, obedient cum rags everywhere, I object to your insinuendo!

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