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You can haz kitteh

Look, we’ve told you before, you probably don’t need to worry too much about Donald Trump practicing his Basic North Korean Hyperbole For Dummies. Probably. Just because North Korea may actually have a nuclear weapon that could maybe fit atop one of its ICBMs, and Donald Trump is warning Kim Jong Whichever This One Is (he forgets) that any aggression will be “met with fire and fury like the world has never seen,” doesn’t mean the president is actually threatening a rain of fire on North Korea, which would be met, immediately, by the obliteration of Seoul — by artillery, missiles, or other conventional weapons — just 35 miles from the DMZ. As Friend of Wonkette Charlie Pierce notes, this is, after all, what America (or an electoral majority) voted for:

 

That’s not just Fire and Fury, but also, frankly, power, which is even more powerfully powerful. Dude, gotta stop the repetition. Winston Churchill would only have said the Money Phrase once.

Or maybe the North Koreans know Trump is full of shit, even when, Crom help us, he’s talking about blowing up the world. You have to remember the possibility that he’s stupid enough to really do something that would get out of control, but the odds are that he won’t. Probably. It’s not like the markets are panicking. They were too close to closing for the day to do more than drop precipitously.

Also, as everyone knows, the president is a big fan of HBO’s “The Wire,” which took Tom Waits’s “Way Down in the Hole” as its theme song. That song, of course includes a line about Fire and Fury, so he almost certainly was just thinking about his favorite show:

Actually, never mind. “The Wire” was Obama’s favorite show. (Also, shut up you haters, season two was NOT a pointless digression.)

Anyhow, just in case these are our last few hours on Earth, which they probably are not, have some kitty cats to help distract you from the inevitable shadow of nuclear-tipped doom!

These guys are sleeping just fine!

This kitty has taken up a safety position in a little basket:

Kitties also seek shelter in bowls and sinks. Not from nuclear fire, but from linearity:

Some have added stealth capability:

Really, don’t worry. Haters gonna hate, Trump’s gonna make fart noises with his face:

Drinking is, of course, an option. Wouldn’t want the world to end with the Good Stuff still in the bottle:

Honestly, it’s probably not a big deal. Just relax and watch it all unfold.

Remember, these kittens know what they’re talking about:

Now take a deep breath and have an Open Thread. We’ll see you in the morning, almost certainly.

Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations. Please click the “Donate” linky to help keep the missiles way down in the silo.

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  • Bill D. Burger
    • Msgr_MΩment

      Slim Dickin’

    • foiled again

      ‘Bottom of the world, Ma!”

    • SadDemInTex

      I just can’t upfist this…it’s too frightening

  • Skeptical_thinker

    kitteh!

    I am going home to my kittehs.

    Fuck you DJT!

  • Bill D. Burger

    “You’re all gonna’ die in there.”

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DGvDXmrU0AA2Wp3.jpg

    • CindyinEncinitas

      This situation will probably do more for worldwide nuclear disarmament than anything else ever has. When the going gets weird, the weird go pro.

      • redblack

        upfisted for HST. cheers. may your next balloon be full of delicious nitrous oxide.

  • Indiepalin

    We’ll meet again, don’t know where, don’t know when

  • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist
  • Joe Beese

    In Russia, you play off cat!

  • Bill D. Burger

    Drop Fire&Fury into the middle of Pyongyang with their big game hunting gear and let em’ go to it.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DGu8OffVwAAZSiP.jpg

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      How the hell did we end up with the mutants before the nuclear war?

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Foreshadowing. A literary technique.

      • theCryptofishist

        Ah thinks happened to thyme.

    • BosGrl

      Remember all the times you thought, “If I had money, I would [fix my nose, get a lid lift, suck the fat out of my neck]…” They had money and still looked like this.

      • SpideySenser

        Jesus, you can get better styled hair at a SuperCuts for a mere $15.00. What the fuck? And teeth, those are some serious orthodontia issues there on the right. BTW is that Qusay or Uday? I can never keep them straight.

    • Bmaccnm

      Is that shooped? Why didn’t someone tell them not to do that? Who looked at the proofs and bought this image? So many questions, so little that makes sense.

  • Bright Bart
    • Bright Bart

      more covfefe pleze.

  • formerChild

    How comforting. He’s not threatening N. Korea. He’s threatening Amercia for making constant fun of him. Wag the Dog, indeed.

  • Jeffocaster in the West
  • Joe Beese

    And I had to re-watch Threads this week…

  • Raan

    It’s almost like the president is a fucking moron or something.

    • Jennaratrix

      Almost.

    • SnarkON

      …and Kim Jong Whichever is batshit crazy.

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      Who saw that coming??

    • JoeChristmas

      If he keeps this up, someone is going to die!

  • SomeBigRedDog

    I don’t see whats so great about kittens.

    THERE I SAID IT!

  • Mpeg

    How can you complain about hell in a handbasket while looking at a kitteh in a wicker basket, I asks ya~

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Did you sere what that kitteh did to your parakeet?

  • Bill D. Burger

    Prophetic cover of The Economist

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DGu2KknXsAAocOa.jpg

  • SomeBigRedDog

    That cat in the basket appears to be about to fall off the table. HA!

    • doktorzoom

      Some kitties go for Cute over Smart.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • foiled again

      I find Trump less mentally disabled than not mentally enabled. There’s a difference.

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    I will be at the International Internet Cat Film Festival tonight. This will not be playing, but it is recommended.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PpG0z-npFIY&vl=en

    • Manders

      Seconded. Gorgeous, warm, humane film.

    • foiled again

      All cats are bad terrific.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    If Los Angeles gets bombed before I have a chance to wear my new leather jacket and boots I’ll be pissed…

    …ah, wouldn’t it be nice to stay in the realm of #FirstWorldProblems?

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Survival is the ultimate skin in the game…

  • theCryptofishist

    Uh, Donny, Asteroid that Killed off the Dinosaurs Liebulzzz!!!!!11

    • jesterpunk

      The problem is the generals forgot to make sure the schedule included when Trump was golfing so they all thought someone else was babysitting him.

    • Three Finger Salute

      “Dinosaurs are lies straight from the pits of hell!” -Trump religious advisor, Ken Ham

  • Crystalclear12

    Personally, I’ve been panicking since November 8, 2016.

    • foiled again

      Oh, I’m ahead of you there.

    • Courser_Resistance

      Yeah, thanks asshole (not you!), I was just getting my eating issues resolved and this happens. Oh well, I could use to lose another 15 pounds, why not?

  • Electric Ukulele Land

    Who let the President watch Game of Thrones?

    • P’jama Pahnts

      “So tell me again why we can’t use dragons?”

    • Eileen Besse

      No attention span + effing problèms….

    • ArgieBargie

      Nuclear winter is coming.

  • Joe Beese
  • ArgieBargie

    *deep sigh*

    Dear Motherfuckers.

    We tried to warn you, but you didn’t listen.

    Fuck you sincerely,

    55% of America

    • SnarkON

      I’m betting that the Trump idiots hear reports like, “North Korea claims it can fire a nuclear missile to hit Los Angeles, Chicago or New York” and they think, “Fry them libtards! Ain’t gonna hit me here in Arkansas!”

      • Msgr_MΩment

        “Yasssss. We could use the extra voter suppression.”

      • ArgieBargie

        Don’t you know North Korea is all Obama’s fault? Trump has no choice but to nuke the fuck out of them!

      • Three Finger Salute

        You kid, but they actually do. They’ve been praying that Kim will hit California so that it can 1) kill all the queers and movie stars, and 2) there goes 55 electoral votes for Democrats that Trump doesn’t have to worry about. Plus an untold number of illegal Mexicans who cast ballots multiple times so they can get “free shit.” For them, nuclear fallout hitting Mexico would be even biglier and better than an ordinary wall. Nuclear fallout hitting Canada at the same time? Well that’s just Christmas every day!

        • Courser_Resistance

          I don’t doubt it, but I can’t upfist that, sorry.

          • CindyinEncinitas

            Speak for yourself. It’s not a good feeling living in a huge military town.

        • SnarkON

          No, I wasn’t even kidding. I am 100 percent sure they think all of these things.

      • bupkus231

        We don’t call it “flyover country” just because all the jets flying over it…

        Well, I guess we do, but…

  • Manhattan123

    On a positive note, nuclear annihilation might stop Paul from winning Big Brother this season.

  • Me not sure

    And so the world ends both with a bang AND a nuclear dick measuring contest. In any event it shouldn’t take long.

  • whitroth

    I needed those kittens. But I think that one vertical one is practicing for his attack to Save The World, and the Orange Doody will never expect it.

    Meanwhile, the one on the street… he should be wearing a beret, and smoking a French cigarette….

    • yyyaz

      Gauloise or Gitane?

      • BosGrl

        Not Gitane. Yuck.

        • FlownΩver

          Smoking a bicycle? What le fuque?

          • BosGrl

            That is exactly what it smells like – burning rubber.

      • whitroth

        Hadn’t gone that far….

  • Bill D. Burger

    The Orange Foolius watched the last episode of GOT didn’t he? Fire & Fury…

    ….https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=350twNmLLS0

    • Joe Beese

      And so Jaime Lannister became the first commander to learn the costly lesson of the importance of air support.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Catapult the rhetoric! Escalate this shit until you say something you can’t take back!

    • Joe Beese

      Never sell Trump short on his ability to flip flop.

      • Sean McLaren

        The fact that our president has shown, at every point in his life and every major decision he’s made, that he is an utter coward is my greatest source of hope right now.

        • yyyaz

          Hopefully he is having the same conversation with Kim Jong Un that he had with Enrique Nieto about The Wall.

          • Three Finger Salute

            “That Roger Waters, he’s a lying, crooked, dopey, failing loser. Sad.”

        • Joe Beese

          “Cowardice will save the world.” – The Americanization of Emily

          • Sean McLaren

            Yup. nukes, for the first time in 4000 years, put leaders’ asses back on the line.

  • Thurman Munster IV
  • whitroth

    If the Button is pushed, he ain’t gonna make it past.

    Or maybe the guy with The Briefcase has fake codes…. We can only hope.

  • MynameisBlarney
  • memzilla Ω
  • On the plus side, the nuclear winter should nicely balance out some of the effects of global warming for the survivors. And there will be a lot less people putting CO2 into the air.

    Might want to start learning your post-apocalypse trade though: maybe farmer, blacksmith, brewer, or sawbones.

    I myself can read maps. For those of you born recent, maps were like Waze, but printed on paper.

    • Creepoman

      Will there still be room for the idle rich? I was thinking of trying my hand at that if given a second chance.

      • yyyaz

        As long as your money is in gold and silver coins, the idle rich will always be with us.

    • BosGrl

      I’ll fight on if my youngest is OK. Otherwise, sayonara.

      • Courser_Resistance

        I have no children so… yeah.

    • Raan

      I’m thinking of going for the trifecta: doctor, farmer, metalworker.

    • Mildred Broxon

      Flint-knapping.

    • CindyinEncinitas

      I can sew, crochet, knit, weave, drive a stick-shift, a motorcycle and a boat, do a tune-up on a VW, grow food, can food, cook food, train horses, dogs and birds, start a fire, pitch a tent, change a tire, perform CPR and deal with other minor medical situations, I’m not scared of much of anything and I don’t complain a lot. Take me with you.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    We knew this day would come and here it is. We are at defcom 3 and Trumpen-fuhrer is in charge and in a rage. The NK are getting in the way of his golf vacation and he is itching to shoot. God helps us, our future is in the hands of a bunch of generals who may or may not want to actually keep the Lunatic in Chief from going to defcom 1. If you don’t pray, now might be a good time to think about starting.

    • Courser_Resistance

      Eh, my job is up in a couple of weeks and I didn’t get any of the jobs I applied for. I’m going at it again, but honestly, if I don’t don’t get on with them, at this point sayonara isn’t a bad option.

      • OrdinaryJoe

        Persevere man. Persevere. And best of luck.

        • Courser_Resistance

          Thanks, I am…

      • CindyinEncinitas

        Dude, there are lots of things to live for. Us, for one.

  • cats530

    Oh I love kittens…when they’re speutered already. Had 2 ferals dropped off on the highway behind me. Two become 6, became 9. I’m working with a trapper (TNR – trap, neuter, release) and grandma has been fixed along with her 3 sons. Still working on catching mom, grandpa (who may be dad – ick) and 3 babies (8 weeks old now approx? and old enough to TNR). Wish me luck. I’m buying feed in bulk and so far I’ve got no rodents around the ranch (so that’s a plus). I don’t have the heart to take them to the pound – they are skittish/feral and will not get homes from what I have been told. I’ve got to get them caught!

    • Fun with Cthulhu

      Thanks for caring enough to do this.

      • cats530

        I have no other choice or I’ll be overrun with feral cats and I do care – I love creatures (whether tame or wild) and have a soft spot in my heart for them. I purchased my own trap – in case anyone is wondering the TNR model (by Tomahawk traps) is approved by the TNR orgs and is really quite good at catching them. Mama is so wily though that I’m going to have to borrow the trappers remote-control drop trap. I’ll be celebrating when I catch her/get her spayed – a bottle of champagne will be in order!

    • foiled again

      I’ve conned several ferals into crates with some snacks. Just takes patience.
      On the other hand a big male managed to shove aside a cinder block holding a door shut and thus bailed on his neutering that very day, the dumb sumbitch.

      • cats530

        I’m not quick enough to get the door closed. Before I got the trap I tried the crate method. Always my fault though, as the cats were cooperative up until they saw my bumbling butt coming and I scared them away.

        Lol. I’d be mad too if he escaped on his neutering day.

        • foiled again

          It’s not like it was the third attempt or anything.

  • Reximus
  • memzilla Ω
  • Msgr_MΩment
    • AuntyMaude

      Ever since the election, this song has been playing in my head.

  • The Wanderer
  • SnarkON

    My faith, such as it is, is now in the Deep State. If Trump tries to nuke North Korea, am counting on the generals and the career bureaucrats and the Nuclear Football guy to be all, “You want to do what??!!? Fuck no!”

    • CindyinEncinitas

      I saw on Lawrence’s show last night that they are going to show him pictures and videos of nuked people so he can see that it is a bad idea. Because they have no more effective teaching aids to save us than a pop-up book of crispy critters and mutants: “God Will Be Jealous If You Kill Everyone. That’s His Job.”

      • onedollarjuana

        Except Trump would like the pix.

  • Edith Prickly

    Setting things on fire is almost always a bad plan.
    http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/thunder-bay/wasp-nest-house-fire-1.4237994

    • Three Finger Salute

      “Blazing up” the White House might not be such a bad idea. Because it’s 1812.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        Blazing up in the White House, though…

    • clubseal

      Except for small fires that clear underbrush in the forest and keep ladder fuels from forming.
      Mother Nature libels, etc.

  • SomeBigRedDog
    • SomeBigRedDog

      Nobody’s cuter than me.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    “Why not–Melania got away with copying from someone else!”

    https://twitter.com/kurteichenwald/status/895011562473369601

    • Sean McLaren

      In retrospect we all probably should have guessed that when Trump kicked off Armageddon it wouldn’t even be with original material.

  • Jenny

    Run of the mill kittens. Not 10’s. Would not grab.

  • Jeffocaster in the West

    Somewhere on the East Coast there is a guy that looks suspiciously like this guy and his cat……

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c7413092239c3f84ea12841f2a85a20e954e2672ce263c831f17351bb4b66243.jpg

  • Raan

    So, New California Republic or Caesar’s Legion? Let’s pick sides.

    • Jeffocaster in the West

      How about Caesar’s Palace? I hear the food is good……..

      • Raan

        So, siding with the Courier?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Republic of New California.

      Splitter!

      • CindyinEncinitas

        People’s Republic of Drugifornia.

  • jesterpunk

    Can we put Rick in Whitless protection until Trump is out of office?

    https://heavyeditorial.files.wordpress.com/2017/02/richard-degazio-3.jpg?quality=65&strip=all&strip=all

    • Creepoman

      Frankly, I’d sleep easier if Rick simply misplaced the football at Union Station.

    • SnarkON

      Rick is seriously going to tell Trump to fuck off. He is too handsome and cool. No way he’s going to lob that football toward our stupid Twitler.

  • mardam422

    I’m drinking now. Kittehs aren’t going to stop me from getting brain cancer from the fallout after we nuke NK and they nuke SK/Japan/China/Hawaii/Anchorage. Been nice knowing yinz.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Trump’s really smart generals will find a way to redirect the nuke to B.C. so he can score a win on NAFTA and punish the local milk people for outsmarting our politicians.

      Ottawa is then rocked at 3am by the prime minister’s loud and blunt but perfectly understandable explanation: “OH, YOU PIECE OF SHIT!!!!!”

  • Joe Beese
  • Crystalclear12

    Bet General Kelly is hitting that bottle now.

  • memzilla Ω

    I personally find the timing of this leak about miniaturized NK warheads just a leedle too convenient, fellow Wonkeratti. Here, have moar kitteh.
    . https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/681724777988779c6f7ff12c38e17ee9b66b07188d76a15a0192df668a802183.jpg

    • Jenny

      Me too. Those poll numbers with the base are going down. Pence is drumming up campaign money. Quick bomb something!!

      • snigsy

        Wag the kitteh.

    • clubseal

      I may yet only have a few decades under my belt, but it’s my understanding that North Korea does this little chest drumming dance every time there’s a new administration.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        They do, but usually there are adults in control over here.

  • Three Finger Salute

    I have a folder on my computer inside My Pictures that’s just called “Squee” and has stuff to look at that’s cute and, well, squee. Baby animals are in there, also some pics of the Wonkette babbies, some kawaii cartoon figures (kawaii actually means cute in Japanese) both from Western and Japanese animation, and of course this. Which is what we all need right now.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ae15442d0fbdc3b26cf8b70e66e37d55038232af582e8bc19fdc83728066a857.jpg

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/fae06e86b7ce22bbcc420760b885b328360bc243e6f2dcf5b9b5c202049d999f.jpg

  • AuntyMaude

    What about Armageddon? Does Armageddon know about this? Isn’t it supposed to be a long nasty fight? Isn’t it supposed to be a fight between good and evil? What if all you have is evil and evil?

  • ArgieBargie

    The question remains, who will be in charge of investigating Hillary Clinton’s emails after the nuclear holocaust?

    • clubseal

      They’ll form a supercommittee with the Benghazi team

    • Raan

      They’ll form the Republic of Dave north of the Capitol wasteland.

  • SDGeoff3

    I saw the little kitteh in the box, and so I thought oh, this is by…Dok?

  • ManchuCandidate

    Dracarys?

    I guess Trump is the Mad King.

    • Edith Prickly

      So who is going to step and be the Trumpslayer?

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Insert Littlefinger joke here.

  • OneYieldRegular

    This is terribly, terribly unfair to people who live within range of nuclear missiles, like all of us on the planet.

    • Joe Beese

      In The Fate of the Earth Jonathan Schell observed that the US has large tracts of empty desert and targeting them would be meaningless from any point of view.

      New growth areas, perhaps.

      • Creepoman

        All 28 residents of Puckerbrush, NV, breath a heavy sigh of relief.

    • cats530

      Dominionists will be okay with this. I just means the rapture is coming sooner for those who are SAVED! The rest of us will fry in hell for an eternity. /s

  • Alex Grey
  • sgt. jmk of the résistance

    “They will be met with fire… and fury… the likes of which the world has never seen before. Like I said… fire…and fury… and frankly, power… ummm fire, fury, and power the likes of which… wait! And resolve! So…fire, fury, power, and resolve… the likes of which the world… AND determination… so that’s fire, fury, ummmm power… determination… and something that starts with r….oh! right, resolve, OK got it now, fire, fury, frankly power, resolve, and determination… and strength…”

    • Me not sure

      No one expects The Spanish Inquisition!

    • Msgr_MΩment

      “I’ll come in again.”

    • AuntyMaude

      Thank you. That was great.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    Kittens are good
    Cats are great
    After the nukes
    They all get ate

    • AuntyMaude

      Dark but instructive.

    • Incoming Ham

      Kittens are good
      Cats are great
      After the nukes
      They We all get ate

      FIFY.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    WHAT?

    https://twitter.com/SaraSorcher/status/895014186907979776

    “He appreciates what Bob Mueller is doing,” Trump’s chief counsel John Dowd told USA TODAY in an interview Tuesday. “He asked me to share that with him and that’s what I’ve done.”

    Trump’s legal team has been in contact with Mueller’s office, and Dowd says he has passed along the president’s messages expressing “appreciation and greetings’’ to the special counsel.

    Don’t fall for it, Bob!

    • Joe Beese

      Isn’t that what the Right lost their shit about when the Big Dawg met with Loretta Lynch?

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “I just want to be sure I’ve got the right address to use for my ‘You’re Fired!’ email. That’s important. I’ve tried firing Sessions three times already. Bounced every time.”
      — Donald Trump

    • Canis Greyhame

      It’s like a sleazy crimer trying to taint the jury pool at his trial.

    • Incoming Ham

      Since he lies about everything else, I think we can safely assume this is probably a wee bit untrue.

    • bupkus231

      I see Rump’s “legal team” is as blind to ethical issues as Rump himself is. They should NOT be talking to Mueller or any of his investigators – except as explicitly asked – even if they want to express well wishes.

    • CindyinEncinitas

      His legal team is counter-offering.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “As a community, and as individuals, we are very pleased and obsessed with ourselves. But none of us can Match Kim Jong Un and Donald Trump for narcissism.”
    — American Feline Liberties Union

    • Beanz&Berryz

      A calm, rational voice, finally today…

  • Incoming Ham

    Oooooh! I so wanted a Cold War for Xmas!

  • OrG in Amsterdam

    This trump guy doesn’t know what the fuck he’s doing.

  • Bill D. Burger

    The world burns and Trump golfs. Sounds about right.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DGvJ3DpXcAIe2ZW.jpg

    • Three Finger Salute

      The world burns and Little Boots fiddles with his fidget spinner.

      • Incoming Ham

        I like the Caligula reference.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Trump: Watch this drive!

      W: Hey, that’s my line!

    • SDGeoff3

      Can I get these as christmas cards?

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    I remember being scared of North Korea once. One day, for no apparent reason, a whole bunch of armored vehicles (BTR-152s and BTR-40s for those keeping track) departed their cantonment, drove to a field 10 miles south, the crews (but no infantry) dismounted, stood at attention in formation in the middle of the field for about 30 minutes, then bivouacked. Now, this was cause for concern, because KPA couldn’t even ship enough fuel to front-line units for drills — and here they were moving around and staying outside the wire for the evening. I packed my fucking bags and prepared my peace-loving ass to flee on the first thing smoking (as per my instructions.)

    There was mucho tension for a few hours which was alleviated when, at daybreak, the campers formed up, listened to a speech, then went to work changing the tires on their vehicles. They then returned to their cantonment area. We learned later that they had gotten a shipment of defective tires that had been installed on the vehicles in question and a junior officer decided to exercise some initiative and use the tire-changing as a training opportunity.

    When you realize the logistical and technological limitations inherent in juche, the Kims are a lot less scary.

    • SnarkON

      I can only understand about half of what you just said, but I actually do feel better.

  • Bill D. Burger

    The posture and posturing of a fucking child. A mini Caligula.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DGvJJiYVoAAHXai.jpg

    • Khavrinen

      “My tiny penis, the likes of which this world has never seen.”
      Actually, I’m OK with that part.

  • Me not sure

    To be honest, I relate to this guy more than the calm ones.
    https://youtu.be/cq_3w3f24Hk

  • Jukesgrrl

    Why can’t we have puppies? Or human babbies? I like them both better than felines.

  • Crystalclear12

    Thank Gawd we didn’t elect that warhawk Clinton!

  • SnarkON

    Say, you know who else has a miniature warhead?

    • Three Finger Salute

      Steve Bannon in the Napoleon painting?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Remind me to tape over my laptop camera.

    • yyyaz

      BOT,K?

  • DainBramage
  • elviouslyqueer
  • AuntyMaude

    Cockroaches planning biggest after-party evah!!

    • Three Finger Salute

      Dammit, you mean Republicans will still be around?

      • AuntyMaude

        LOL

      • OrG in Amsterdam

        Cockroach libelz!

    • yyyaz

      Just another night at any Trump Dump anywhere.

  • Bill D. Burger

    The Orange Foolius hasn’t the slightest idea what horrors he could unleash.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DGvIy69U0AA7BIh.jpg

    • Three Finger Salute

      Something something those who don’t learn from history.

      • Khavrinen

        Hah! Trump don’t learn from History… Math… Science… Civics…
        You name it, he don’t learn from it.

        • Ill-Advised

          Briefing sessions from his staff. Check!

      • clubseal

        What’s there to learn? America will never admit that what it did was monstrous. Hell, even apologizing for unleashing one of the worst attacks on a civilian population in human history would be enough to be cast out from America.

        • Three Finger Salute

          Memba when Obama apologized and the wingnuts were ready to hang him?

          (Actually, the wingnuts were always ready to hang him because he had a tan suit and the day ended in Y.)

          But America saying sorry for anything is just downright blasphemous. Only Canadians say sorry! Damn communists with their healthcare, hockey, and handsome leaders with hot hair!

          • clubseal

            Sometimes I wonder if I’m secretly Canadian, because I love hockey and being courteous. But then I kind of hate snow, so maybe I’m just awesome.

          • clubseal

            Also too, the real reason they wanted to hang him had more to do with the color under the suit, I reckon.

    • OutOfOrbit

      tRump donut care him not got no hotels in N.Korea

      • PubOption

        Does he have properties he wants to keep, in South Korea?

        • OutOfOrbit

          he donut know there’s any connection

    • georgiaburning

      You and I see a devasted landscape, others see prime real estate ready for redevelopment in a few half-lives of strontium 90.

    • mailman27

      The world has seen, and Did Not Like. N. Korea would no sooner unleash a nuke than any other nuclear armed country would– as crazy as Kim Jong Bedbug is, he understands that his country would be a wasteland just like S. Korea. That being said, I don’t think that taunting and boasting is our best way forward. As demonstrably stupid as Donald Trump is, there’s got to be someone with two brain cells to rub together and a sense of self preservation within his orbit. Show the president* a short teevee show to lay it out for him. He’ll be fine. *crosses fingers and toes*

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • UncleTravelingMatt

      “That last take was perfect, but could we try it a half-octave higher?”

    • Joe Beese

      Lots of wiggle room there.

      I suppose if Kim says, “I will hit Los Angeles with a 500 kiloton device on Friday, May 11, just before Bill Maher goes on air”, that would be an escalated threat.

  • Crystalclear12

    Kittens at the top of a Wonkette post. . .
    Oh, shit.

    • SDGeoff3

      Yup. We’re all gonna die.
      Sad.

      • Incoming Ham

        I’m checking the blast radius map and cuddling my cats. I grab one at a time as they circle me like buzzards waiting for dinner.

  • Incoming Ham

    I have three felines sitting around me and staring at me because it’s almost dinner time. They’ve positioned themselves in such a way that I am trapped.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Provide dinner or be dinner?

      • Incoming Ham

        I never thought about it that way before…

    • Crystalclear12

      Don’t blink.

      • kareemachan

        Don’t even blink. Blink and you’re dead.

    • SDGeoff3

      Well then I would ask them how in the hell they expect you to get up and fucking feed them.

      • Incoming Ham

        Believe it or not I actually do that. They generally loosen up the triangle about 5pm. Feeding time.

        • SDGeoff3

          Mmm-hmm. Got you trained.

          • Incoming Ham

            That all ends after dinner. Slam bam, thanks, I’m going to take a nap.

  • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist
    • Three Finger Salute

      Hindsight is… a yuge orange ass.

  • Mahousu

    I have a dream that one day cats of all colors and breeds will lie down together in the nap of brotherhood. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/d77d073e758d0884c7a964a3d346424c14d5caf9c4d0a54d6dc5860342436066.jpg

  • Reximus
  • Crystalclear12

    Several people have told me they voted for Trump because he would “burn it all down.”

    Wish granted.

    • Master Contrail Program

      “What good are nukes if you don’t ever use them? Must end tweet with exclamation point!”

    • Three Finger Salute

      You spoke personally to Susan Saran Wrap?

    • Robyn Ryan

      They thought he meant burn down another country, not their hometown

      • Courser_Resistance

        Nope, I have a friend that before the election wished it would all burn down. I’m really not as fond of her now. I want to constantly scream, “Is this what you wanted? Is it?”

        • Robyn Ryan

          You’d be amazed how many anarchists were shocked when Katrina didn’t discriminate between them and petit bourgeois.

      • Incoming Ham

        Everything is a TV show, not real life. My guess is they are still cheering him on, completely unaware of the consequences. On top of that is that attitude about “California elites.” Why should we care? Bunch of illegal aliens and libtards.

    • Incoming Ham

      I believe he is using this as a TV cliffhanger. He says “I like to be unpredictable.” Guess what I am going to do next! It’s all show. I don’t think he gets that you should be a little more even keel when you are in charge of a country with a large stock of nuclear weapons and you have to deal with nutjobs who also have them.

  • sgt. jmk of the résistance

    Aujourd’hui, nous sommes tous Henri…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q34z5dCmC4M

    • AuntyMaude

      Paw de Deux. hahahahaha

    • Walther von der Vogelweide

      This is killing me.

    • SDGeoff3

      This is a riot!

    • kareemachan

      Mon Dieu! J’adore Henri!!!

    • Vorhees
      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        I adore this.

  • Chyron HR

    GG: Has anyone in history ever caused as much death and destruction as the people opposing Donald Trump?
    Trumpy: Hold my tie.

  • AuntyMaude

    It’s entirely possible that Kim and Dim secretly planned this to get the focus off the Russian investigation. One authoritarian washing the other’s hand.

    • BosGrl

      You think they text each other at night under the blankets?

      • jesterpunk

        3 way texting with Kim, Dim and Putie.

      • AuntyMaude

        It’s hard to imagine that they don’t.

    • therblig

      Kim + Trumpy = dim sum

      • AuntyMaude

        Ya dim sum, ya lose some.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    “Credibility chasm” is one term for it:

    https://twitter.com/wvjoe911/status/895036296531505153

  • Bitter Scribe

    That “fire and fury” line would sound perfectly plausible attributed to Kim Jong Un.

    Goddamnit, why did this have to happen on my non-drinking day?

    • Robyn Ryan

      Trump is jealous of Drogon on GOT.

    • CindyinEncinitas

      What is this “non-drinking day” you speak of? What country are you in?

      • Bitter Scribe

        MyLiverNeedsABreakistan.

  • Tim Whetung

    Everyone calm down . . . I just rechecked and Ragnarok doesn’t occur until Mid-November. Should be a great movie.

    I’m sorry? What do you mean, I’ve got the wrong topic?

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      We all need to see how Game of Thrones finally ends, so we have at least another year. It would just be too much to put us through, otherwise.

      • wait! what?

        With a James Taylor lute solo:

        I’ve seen fire and…
        …basically more fire.

        Hey! Is that a FUCKING dragon?!

        • SDGeoff3

          You bet your ass that’s a fucking dragon. How’d you like to arrive at work riding that?

          • Msgr_MΩment

            You’d have your own “Dragon Occupancy Lane”. So there’s that.

          • SDGeoff3

            All of the lanes, Katie.

          • wait! what?

            It’d be sweet. I would OWN the helipad on top of the building where I work.

          • SDGeoff3

            A good friend drives big rigs, and one evening he drove us to a fancy fundraiser with valet parking. And yes, he drove the cab of his sweetest rig, and we exited in our tuxes and he handed the valet the keys.

      • Sean McLaren
    • clubseal

      I’ll be waiting under the Yggdrasil Tree.

      • Courser_Resistance

        ISWYDT. I’m with you :-)

        • clubseal

          I don’t know why, but Norse mythology always lit my candle, more so than other mythologies. Maybe it’s the cool hats.

          • Courser_Resistance

            My dad’s mostly Norwegian, so I remember him reading me Beowulf as a bedtime story when I was little. Then the Denver Natural History Museum has had an exhibit on early Nordic life and it all came to life again. I picked up Neil Gaiman’s Nordic Mythology and another Nordic mythology up at Barnes & Noble last weekend.

          • clubseal

            I remember that I first read about Ragnorok after I read Beowulf and was stricken by the similarities between Beowulf’s final battle and the story of the Midgard Serpent. I often wonder what the draw was for a storyteller to use the “Hero slays beast, beast’s poison kills hero” plot.

  • Msgr_MΩment
    • foiled again

      Aw, man, Tyler-shaming…ah dunno.

      • marxalot

        Steve Tyler looks like someone’s og hippie aunt and I love how he leans into it tbh.

  • Ellie

    I cam here immediately after watching the news, because I new there would be kittens and now I’m going to call my daughter because one of her cats always head bumps the phone when she’s talking to me, and I need a kitty head bump.

    • SDGeoff3

      I know what you mean. Major head butts at 2-3am, followed by many nose rubs, nose licks and a beard grooming, curl up next to my head, purr and doze. I decided it was better to relax and enjoy the moment, and the one about half an hour later. Once I changed my attitude, I got better sleep. How often does it happen that a lovely, discarded animal really wants to be your friend?

      • H0mer0

        the first time I let the kitten (now cat) sleep in my room and on my bed, he smooshed his little ginger face in mine and I must have passed out because I awoke to find I could breathe but I heard his purr and it was like Captain Hook hearing the tick tock of the crocodile …..

        • SDGeoff3

          No music can approach it.

          • H0mer0

            my dad translated a poem from Tamil, and one of the verses went something like:
            “those who think musical instruments are melodious haven’t heard the lisping speech and prattle of their baby’s first words.”
            Purrs are wonderfully comforting also too (a nurse practitioner said that the purr has the same resonance frequency of skeletal bone. I’ll have to look that one up.)

          • SDGeoff3

            That sounds good to me.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Needs moar babby elephant: https://youtu.be/UFFPxe7llgM

    • yyyaz

      The world would be a much nicer place with moar babby elephants.

    • Sean McLaren

      wow they’re smart..the one with the tire seems to actually get that a tire rolls, nudging it along, then tossing it right to get it rolling again.

    • SomeBigRedDog

      That puppy has a weird nose.

  • Lyly Sirivong
    • HazooToo

      That’s a brave, caring person right there.

  • DuchessD’Orleans

    But I am le tired!

    • Edith Prickly

      So take a nap. Then fire the …. oh never mind.

  • Sekhmet1
    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      Comfy kitties!

  • TundraGrifter

    Just curious – why was the First Lady sitting at that table? Doesn’t she have some cyber bullying to stop? Or something?

    • jesterpunk

      She is trying to get people to stop hurting Trumplethinskins feelings.

    • TheGrandWazoo2
    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      The meeting was about opiods and she wanted to participate. Probably to find out how to get a 3.5 year supply.

      • Courser_Resistance

        I got almost that many with my second hip surgery. 120! I ratholed them away for emergency use. Looks like if things go badly I might need ’em.

    • kareemachan

      Probably somebody “suggested” to her that it would be good PR to show interesting in something – like she has for cyberbullying.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall
  • David

    Meanwhile asswipe Trumpling Gorka says that the Minneapolis mosque bombing “could be a false flag” http://www.thedailybeast.com/seb-gorka-mosque-attack-could-be-a-false-flag

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    So I decide to go wandering down a Twitter hole, and found this article about how various activists are using Twitter to trash the Young Adult publishing industry accusing it of various forms of racism, sexism, ableism, heterocentrism, “white savior” syndrome, etc. Meanwhile, counteractivists are slamming the first group for trying to censor or “thought crime” books where a character may have prejudiced ideas at the beginning but grows out of them as part of the book’s narrative.
    It’s pretty high-grade wankery, with fears of even discussing it with the reporter because of ostracizing or “blackballing”.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Idiots. Sorry not sorry, but there’s a lot more important things to worry about right now than not enough intersectional diversity in Twilight.

      • Vorhees

        Wait. Protagonist torn between VAMPIRE boyfriend and WEREWOLF boyfriend… how much more intersectional diversity do you want????

  • Kiri the Unicorn
  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    I want to grab those pussies. And hug them.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      …and love it and squeeze it and name it George.

  • wait! what?

    “Raining down sulphur is like an endurance trial, man. Mass genocide is the most exhausting activity one can engage in, next to soccer.” – Loki

  • JMP

    I just want our little kitty to stop spending most of her time hiding beneath the bed, poor little skittish scaredy-cat.

  • cmd resistor
  • Me not sure

    If you need to catch up on the history of nuclear weapons, I recommend this documentary from a number of years back. I think the full version is available on you tube.
    https://youtu.be/oQMnC7AM7jc

  • OrdinaryJoe

    SoD General Mattis to Gens. McMasters, Dunford and Kelly: “Gentlemen. Here is the watch schedule with your bathroom break time slots. He is never to be left alone, is that clear!”

  • Ms.MLG on Maui

    Do you guys ever get the feeling it’s a bad idea to put people in charge when their solution to everything is pulling out their little dicks and shaking them around? Or is it just me?

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      “Put ’em back in your pants, gentlemen. There’s enough work to go around.”

      • WotsAllThisThen

        “Gentlemen! You can’t slap your dicks here! This is the masturbation room!”

    • clubseal

      Unless you’re running a male strip club, I guess.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      It plays out better in a novel…

      Even Cowgirls Get the Blues…

      • Lisacreinke

        Advice45b

        Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family! :!ap325d:
        On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
        :!ap325d:
        ➽➽
        ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialJobsCash615BuzzOcean/Pay$97/Hour ★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★:::::!ap325l..,.

    • SDGeoff3

      Maybe, since they can’t get away with it at home…

    • OutOfOrbit

      you wanna see it?

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        Only if I can destroy it with fire and fury!

        • marxalot
          • Msgr_MΩment

            0/5 Would. Not. Fuck. Again.

          • Ms.MLG on Maui

            That would fit right in my purse!

          • SDGeoff3

            I have a mission in mind…

          • Ms.MLG on Maui

            You know I’m in!

          • SDGeoff3

            It may involve supersonic underwater transportation, nuclear weapons, and gin. Stirred.

          • Ms.MLG on Maui

            Weapons and liquor and dragons, oh my!

          • Courser_Resistance

            Better get a good case for it, It could do the same thing to your finger if you tried to grab it quick.

          • H0mer0

            reminds me of the EKG calipers which had sharp pointy ends and though they came with a sheath, the sheath would fall off and we’d poke ourselves or someone else when we dug our hand in our pocket for something

          • CindyinEncinitas

            ow.

          • SDGeoff3

            That’s attractive.

          • Paul

            Next to your folding shovel?

          • Ms.MLG on Maui

            They make folding shovels?!!

          • Paul

            Don’t bat that eye at me and try to feign innocence. You probably have one with the serrated edge.

          • SadDemInTex

            I carrying a folding shovel in my car.

          • george lastrapes

            Wait wait, there’s more! For a limited time only, you can get the Ronco Ort-Flinger….

        • OutOfOrbit

          will that hurt very much bad

        • OutOfOrbit

          ??

    • Blackest Noobs

      wait…WAIT!!! that’s not a solution? -says guy pulling out his….

    • The Flaming Carrot

      My ancient father is trying to reach me. Unless it’s to apologize for voting for that fucking Orangutan IN THE PRIMARY, I ain’t picking up.

  • jesterpunk

    Kitty has had enough of Trump’s shit.

    https://i.imgur.com/vdLE8dJ.gif

    • cmd resistor

      My fave.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Can anyone help identify what are all the things she says “fuck this” about and pushes off the desk? One looks like a knitted change purse, the others are what looks like a graham cracker(?), an eyeglasses case or an old-school external CD-ROM drive, a cigarette lighter or USB drive and a… digital camera?

      • jesterpunk

        Looks like cell phone, lighter, pencil and change purse.

  • clubseal

    Speaking of open thread, I finally got a chance to watch the animated show Rick and Morty, and I am hopelessly hooked.

    • BosGrl

      My ex loves that show and has explained it to me in excruciating detail. I’ve been meaning to watch it by myself one of these days.

      • clubseal

        I knew nothing about it going in, but I love the writing so much, and I laugh out loud often. 10/10 would watch for the first time again.

    • wait! what?

      Rick will NEVER get over Unity…

  • WotsAllThisThen

    You promised furry, you brought the furry.

  • Kiri the Unicorn
  • Robyn Ryan

    Chill. NK can’t hit Japan, much less travel halfway around the globe.
    They are still in high school rocket club – up, down. They can’t aim their ‘long range’ missiles.
    If Trump would stop provoking them, SK and Japan could relax, too.
    If Republicans can successfully provoke NK into military action, it will be our fault.
    A logical follow on to our illegal invasion of Iraq and our occupation of Afghanistan. Dubya’s endless crusade.
    The Gulf of Tonkin. Remember?
    We pissed away our reputation as ‘peacekeepers.’
    We’re the nuts with nukes.
    My prediction is that hosting the US military will be seen as risky and provocative.
    Qatar is the horrid example.
    Who wants a base full of Christian berzerkers in their backyard? https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e2ef3f9c9eab2c1913a9932c32a006e81075d8235b5daae06b02f6d2816008fe.jpg https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/8b235e716e1a6c37b066a5d600cf8db144dc114eed64348eb2b0b53a8a173da6.jpg

  • NCSteve

    When I think back to all the times I tried to talk certain people down off the third party or stay at home ledge because Hillary was sooooo corrupt and warmongery by invoking the specter of this exact situation we now find ourselves in–a thing that was foreseeable because turns out it comes with the job–and was shouted down for “scaremongering,” I feel a certain weary rage. But then I am saved from my wrath it by the comforting knowledge that at least we were spared the horror of a president who hosted her own email server so she wouldn’t have to use two PDA’s.

    • Crystalclear12

      On the plus side before the world ends you get to say : I told you so.

    • HazooToo

      You could power the entire country for free, if the amount of “I FUCKING TOLD YOU” generated by this President were electricity.

    • Courser_Resistance

      The Purity Ponies must be filled with joy. They’re going to get their revolution… right after the nuclear strikes stop. Congratulations, you’ll get to revolutionize a smoking crater.

      • marxalot

        It’s cool, they’ve played, like, every Fallout game.

        • Three Finger Salute

          And they have mad skillz in deproblematicizing YA dystopian literature. (See above.)

  • Ergoetal

    Watch him miss and hit China.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Master Contrail Program

    “Fire and Fury.” Looks like Taco Bell’s gonna need a new slogan for the return of the Volcano Taco.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Usually ‘fire & fury’ takes place in the bathroom at home AFTER you visit a Taco Bell.

      • Master Contrail Program

        If you’re lucky.

  • Sedagive ’em Hell

    I have been holding a few kittehs in reserve for tough times. This is one – he’s the little rescue I scooped up in the park a year or so ago.

    See the kitteh, pet the kitteh, love the kitteh:

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/d7009cdcd7bb79c0163fc6f9649253681e46cead3131ad54e15819420a7953fa.jpg

  • Vagenda of Rebel Scum
  • Beanz&Berryz

    Just looking at the Duck and Cover video I realized… eclipse glasses.. that’s what we all need in these perilous times… they might not be worth for just one two minute eclipse blip, but if you get to use them another time, they’re twice the value!

    • Msgr_MΩment

      If you have any trash floppy discs, open it up and use the magnetic recording medium.
      I’ve got a ton of them sitting here, not doing me any good. :(

    • Me not sure

      Thanks for reminding me. We’re going to a place where totality will last about a half hour on the 23rd of August. I’m gonna need those glasses.

  • Michael R
  • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

    Elderly Senile Cat begging me to stop posting on Wonkette and pay attention to him https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/6c7cc145ce1ac864d5b1ad5518833caba37692e653d894bb2a8d5da603a3c84f.jpg

    • marxalot

      Better listen to the dude– them elderly senile cats can find the strangest places to pee when they feel neglected.

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        and poop

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        He gets on his hind legs and hooks his fron paws over my forearm so I can’t hold my tablet- but he’s 18, the human equivalent of 85 so he’s entitled.

    • janecita

      You better pay attention to him, it looks like he is plotting something.

      • SDGeoff3

        At the very least!

  • marxalot

    So, we having an Apocalypse Rent Party for the Koreans (north and south) who will bear the brunt of the fallout (literal and figurative) if the US American and DPRK armed children slip their handlers?

  • proudgrampa

    Well, to paraphrase a Wonketteer I read yesterday.

    I hope Armageddon comes at 6 in the morning: who wants to be alive at 6 in the morning?

    • jesterpunk

      The only way anyone should be up at 6 in the morning is if they are working over night or just getting home from being out all night.

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        Unfortunately, some of us have to be at work at 6AM.

        • YoBunnyBunny

          “REALLY!!!!?? If I knew the world was gonna end I’d have just stayed in bed!!!”

          Me, about to get on the 6am commuter train…

      • marxalot

        I agree with you in principle, but Dummy Dog has expectations about breakfast time, and can make a heckuva noise when disappointed.

    • AuntyMaude

      Make it 4 and you’ve got a deal. I get up at 5 to drink coffee.

  • Holly
  • Ms.MLG on Maui

    Dok, I adore you, but season 2 of The Wire did suck a wee bit of ass.

    • Joe Beese

      All these years later, I still think about poor Ziggy.

      In fact, whenever a movie or TV show has a weak pathetic character whose messes make trouble for the main character (and this happens a lot), I call them “the Ziggy”.

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        I hated him so much.

        • puredog

          Wow, I loved The Wire to pieces, but I had to Wiki Ziggy and, once I did, I utterly did not remember a minute of his plotline.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    This is worth bearing in mind, though I’m not sure if it is reassuring or terrifying:

    https://twitter.com/olgaNYC1211/status/895041465931489280

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Executive judgment…. he’s the best at it…

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Covfefe bias.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    Oh, and “Dodgeball” fans? ESPNU changed format for today only to ESPN8 “The Ocho”. However Cotton McKnight and Pepper Brooks have the day off.

  • Joe Beese
    • Three Finger Salute

      What is this book?

      • Joe Beese

        Looks like Almighty: Courage, Resistance, and Existential Peril in the Nuclear Age, by Dan Zak.

        • Three Finger Salute

          Thanks for the rec.

    • mailman27

      Difficult to upfist, but nonetheless.

  • Crystalclear12

    Can we get the black guy back? This orange one just isn’t working out.

    • wait! what?

      Orange isn’t the new black.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      The Constitution didn’t include an exchange policy. We used to make fun of countries that changed governments constantly- at least they weren’t stuck with mistakes.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Have you tried switching him off and then back on again?

    • CindyinEncinitas

      He’s way past his expiration date. The black one was much fresher and his brain worked way better.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      Talk about “once you go black”!!!

  • cafiene

    I’m actually getting really scared.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      I don’t think we’re there yet. This is not Cuban Missile Crisis awful- yet.

      • cafiene

        I wasn’t around for that, but remember Reagan and Andropov and cruise missile testing and anniversaries of the Japan bombs with people who remembered them. But, now I’m don’t my smoke and have to compose myself for my kid inside the house.

        • CindyinEncinitas

          I remember my mom putting canned goods in the hall closet and I asked her what she was doing and she realized that a few canned peaches would not make anything better if Los Angeles were turned into an ashtray so she took all the cans back out.

          • Three Finger Salute

            What about canned clams?

          • mailman27

            For once, you’re not the MONSTER!!1!!!

          • CindyinEncinitas

            When I saw that can I yelled “YOU MONSTER! I WOULD RATHER BE NUKED!” And that’s when she took the cans back out of the closet.

      • Manhattan123

        But we don’t have JFK in the White House.

    • BosGrl

      Stay here. I’m kind of scared too but people here are either talking me down or making me laugh.

  • HazooToo

    I don’t have kitties right now. I’m just too fucking tired. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uai7M4RpoLU

  • Three Finger Salute

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t1TcDHrkQYg

    Lyrics:

    Let’s dance in style, Let’s dance for a while.
    Heaven can wait were only watching the skies.
    Hoping for the best but expecting the worst.
    Are you gonna drop the bomb or not?

    Let us die young or let us live forever.
    We don’t have the power but we never say never.
    Sitting in a sandpit, life is a short trip.
    The music’s for the sad men.

    Can you imagine when this race is won?
    Turn our golden faces into the sun.
    Praising our leaders, we’re getting in tune.
    The music’s played by the madmen.

    Forever young, I want to be forever young.
    Do you really want to live forever? forever and ever.

    Forever young, I want to be forever young.
    Do you really want to live forever? forever young.

    Some are like water, some are like the heat.
    Some are a melody and some are the beat.
    Sooner or later they all will be gone.
    Why don’t they stay young?

    It’s so hard to get old without a cause.
    I don’t want to perish like a fading horse.
    Youth is like diamonds in the sun.
    And diamonds are forever.

    So many adventures couldn’t happen today.
    So many songs we forgot to play.
    So many dreams are swinging out of the blue.
    We let them come true…!

    Forever young, I want to be forever young.
    Do you really want to live forever? forever and ever.

    Forever young, I want to be forever young.
    Do you really want to live forever? forever and ever.

    Forever young, I want to be forever young.
    Do you really want to live forever? forever….

    That Trump guy isn’t going to go over bigly in Japan. But people are sure going to be talking about him… if there’s any left.

    • wait! what?

      Absolute quiet is the final warning – showdown
      Six minutes and the war is roaring -showdown
      The voice of reason was buried this morning -showdown
      Decision for death is the final story -showdown

      We used to love it when they came on the screen
      The good guys strong
      And the bad guys mean
      But the story has changed
      Now the ending’s insane
      The audience dies
      In the final frame
      It’s the final game

      Jefferson Starship – Showdown

    • Raan

      Side note: I remember this version from high school.

      https://youtu.be/pMPSvfsIVe4

  • Bill D. Burger
  • janecita

    Today, I went to a shelter for abused women and children, for a work related meeting. The shelter’s director, brings her yorkie to work everyday. I spent the whole meeting playing with her dog:-)

    • AuntyMaude

      Dogs are good people.

      • Serai 1

        Pity Twitler never knew any. He might have grown up a human being if he had.

      • janecita

        Yes they are.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Orange Foolius isn’t even original. His prepared notes on the drug epidemic and our southern border.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DGu7dVgWsAA2Lai.jpg

    It just sickening that THIS is our new reality.

    • clubseal

      There likely never has been, and never will be, a drug free society – at least not one foisted upon people by heavy handed government tactics, such as the foolhardy and destructive drug war.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Sure there will. It’s just that there’ll also be a society without any people living in it. Finally, Trump delivers on a promise. Can’t stop winning…

        • clubseal

          Gotta blame Jesus for the condition. Turning water into wine was the action of an ENABLER, son of God.

          • Three Finger Salute

            I doubt he’d have any objections to being bartender for a gay wedding. As Gandhi said, “I like your Christ, but I don’t like your Christians.”

          • clubseal

            There ought to be a comedy skit in that vein. Jesus turns water into mojitos or cosmos or something. I admit my cocktail game is not strong, as I usually just stick with Irish whiskey on the rocks.

    • mailman27

      Ill conceived and poorly articulated.

  • kareemachan

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/caba339acb42f6c9374aa9292154e9ea6457a447c968f5c12bc4fa2653188812.jpg

    Chile feels left out. And he shrieks to high heaven when he feels left out.

    • That’s a funny looking kitteh!

      • kareemachan

        Like I said, he felt ignored. Also, he’s pretty damned good dealing with our cats. Kinda bossy. ;-)

  • SomeBigRedDog

    See you guys tomorrow. Unless … well you know.

    • Canis Greyhame

      These days, you never know.

  • Joe Beese

    Guam?

    North Korea seriously considering strike on Guam: Reports, citing state media

    https://www.cnbc.com/2017/08/08/north-korea-seriously-considering-strike-on-guam-reports-citing-state-media.html

    • Sean McLaren

      looks like it’s where our strategic bombers for SE Asia are based.

      • Sean McLaren

        y’know, when I was younger, I was so glad to not live in an era where I would have to use the “strategic” euphemism in any context that wasn’t a history nerd joke.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Bill D. Burger
  • Vincent Ricola

    “Fire and Fury” sounds like something from Game of Thrones, probably because Donald Trump had someone google “pop culture references 2017” for ideas on how to build a cool catchphrase for his war. This is terrifying.

    • Jon Sussex

      Simple misunderstanding. Trump thought he was going to be met by a “fiery furry.”

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • Joe Beese

      I tell you with confidence that Trump will be awarded the Nobel Prize for Physics before the draft is reinstated.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        For his work in Chaos?

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        Tell the Trumpers that their kids, or they themselves are going to need to get off the couch and head to Korea. That is, if they can meet the weight restrictions or pass the drug testing. Uh huh.

        • Ms.MLG on Maui

          They love guns and hate foreigners so much, they’ve already volunteered.

        • bupkus231

          Pass me the Doritos…

    • Sean McLaren

      *slow, rattling, bitter laughter*

    • HazooToo

      If that shit happens, I want to see mass refusals. By perfectly able bodied young men. Without bone spurs. I want his draft utterly turned down.

    • Serai 1

      Well, I’d like to know how we’re supposed to have a standing army without a fucking draft. We don’t have enough people who want to volunteer, our armed forces are already way overextended, and we keep getting into situations where we need them. Sure, sure, a draft is bad, but what the fuck else are we supposed to do?

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      You remember those scenes in “Gangs of New York”? The ones with the draft riots?
      Yeah, that’s what we’re gonna see if he decides to send the poor boys to fight the rich man’s war.

  • HogeyeGrex
    • SDGeoff3

      I can’t stand it anymore! Too…much…cuteness

  • AuntyMaude
  • yyyaz

    1. Why is Il Douche calling Mueller to say he “appreciates” what Mueller is doing?
    2. Are the Russbot attacks on Paul Ryan just a diversion or an attempt to get someone more favorable to Putin (Hatch?!) up another rung on the ladder of succession? Is Ryan so dirty the Kremlin can’t trust him not to squeal when the shit hits the fan?
    — Signed, “Had enough of these motherfucking snakes in this motherfucking WH”

  • Riggsveda
  • goonemeritus

    So now we have to rely on the veracity of Little Kim and the Donald that we are in danger. The problem is that I don’t believe either of them.

    • jesterpunk

      On one side you have a thin skinned narcissist who can’t take any insults and who thinks they are the greatest person ever. On the other side you have Lil Kim.

      • goonemeritus

        Based on Trumps track record with the Truth I’m going to assume North Korea is years away from having a viable sharpened stick

  • wait! what?

    I’m up for Christopher Walken stopping this; maybe Stephen King can do a re-write…

    • Three Finger Salute

      Morgan Freeman?

      • wait! what?

        I guess that would make Donald a shit-weevil.

        • Serai 1

          I do believe that was the worst movie I’ve ever seen. And I’ve seen a LOT of movies. But that… *shudder*

    • snigsy

      I’m up for Christopher Walken.

      • wait! what?

        But only if he wears the sock:

        Punch it Richard! Punch it!

  • Joe Beese
  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • Sean McLaren

      oh. good. A twitter user by the name of “CapMalcomReynolds” has a more mature understanding of the consequences of nuclear war than our president. excellent. proceed.

    • Red Bird

      But what about those economically anxious populist folks?

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    I’ve got three pints lined up. And my towel is neatly folded.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YWWiDKKWDQw&t=33s

    • jesterpunk

      “How to Leave the Planet

      1. Phone NASA. Their phone number is (713) 483-3111. Explain that it’s very important that you get away as soon as possible.

      2. If they do not cooperate, phone any friend you may have in the White House—(202) 456-1414—to have a word on your behalf with the guys at NASA.

      3. If you don’t have any friends in the White House, phone the Kremlin (ask the overseas operator for 0107-095-295-9051). They don’t have any friends there either (at least, none to speak of), but they do seem to have a little influence, so you may as well try.

      4. If that also fails, phone the Pope for guidance. His telephone number is 011-39-6-6982, and I gather his switchboard is infallible.

      5. If all these attempts fail, flag down a passing flying saucer and explain that it’s vitally important that you get away before your phone bill arrives.”

      Douglas Adams.

  • dshwa

    I’m going to be real pissed if Trump ends civilization before The Last Jedi is released.

  • marxalot

    If I wake up tomorrow, I’m calling in sick. I think I may have my first hangover in two years. Mild, hopefully not nuclear.

    • dshwa

      As long as there’s no fallout from the former.

    • I’ve got a better idea, call in well and enjoy your day!

      • Anna Rompage

        We get 6 days of sick leave every year, and lose it if we don’t use it, so I do enjoy taking the personal fun day every so often…

        • marxalot

          Mental health days are legit.

  • janecita

    Was he reading Macbeth last night?

    “She should have died hereafter. There would have been a time for such a word.
    Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow, creeps in this petty pace from day to day, to the last syllable of recorded time, and all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle! Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage, and then is heard no more. It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.”

    • jesterpunk

      Didn’t they complain about how McBeth was about killing Trump?

      • janecita

        I thought that it was Richard VIII that they complained about?

        • jesterpunk

          Oh wait it was Caesar, damn I keep getting what they are mad about mixed up.

          • janecita

            Tomato, tomatoe, they are always mad about stupid shit.

          • AuntyMaude

            Oh jeez, now I want a Caesar salad.

        • Three Finger Salute

          The Trump play should be called Dick the Turd.

      • mailman27

        Trump is still waiting for the McDonald’s hamburger tie-in promotion.

    • Serai 1

      Twitler wouldn’t know enough to understand the first sentence.

    • Joe Beese

      Highest recommendation for the Great Performances edition of Macbeth with Patrick Stewart.

      https://vimeo.com/93526504

      • redarmyzombie

        God, I LOVED the witches in this one!

        • everstar

          The witches made that production into one of my all-time favorites. I mean, Sir PatStew was wonderful, but that was the first Macbeth I’ve ever seen where I genuinely dreaded the witches appearing.

  • wait! what?

    Walking for kisses; such an awesome cat.

    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=A36wZPwEpY0#

    • Cosmopolitan John

      Well . . . That was . . . unsettling.

    • Red Bird

      So that’s how it’s done.

  • Reximus
  • amrak63

    Thanks a fucking heap, Stupid White Folks of Real Amurka–the SWFs who voted for Covfefe, the ones who voted for vanity candidates, and the ones who couldn’t be bothered to get off their sorry lazy asses and vote at all because BOTH SIDES DO IT THE DEMS ARE EVIL HILLARY IS SATAN HERP DERP ARGLE BARGLE!!!1!

    http://i.imgur.com/mPzr84H.jpg

  • Panika MCD

    I has a great kitteh. it’s not my kitteh. it is Ismael who comforts Syrian refugee children in a camp in Piraeus (the port town next to Athens, Greece).

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/972f3852999bbc2b782320b15122b50cdc2884f9e23788dd0eda7dcda467baf1.jpg
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/9cdf066b97e203922aa6201d341f572c37e144606989adca25ed4007bac04383.jpg

    he just went to the vet for his shots and operation and some worming, but he will be back to letting all the childrens pick him up soon.

    he was initially rescued by a refugee family who has since been granted asylum in the EU. they chose to leave him behind because he did so much for other families there. many of the refugee families were forced to leave their pets behind and need the comfort of furry friends.

    here is a GoFundMe page for a group of volunteers who provide activities for the kids and take them to the dentist:
    https://www.gofundme.com/calendar-refugee-art-activities

    Athens also has a YOOOGE stray animal problem and not all are candidates for comforting kids…or aren’t yet. here’s a group that helps out with stray cats in Greece:
    http://www.ninelivesgreece.com/en/

  • Serai 1
  • OrdinaryJoe

    You just know Orange Foolious must be a Yankee fan. He’s trying to start WWIII just when my Dodgers have the tools to win a World Series.

    • marxalot

      It’s shaping up to be a HOU/LAD series, which is… unusual.

      • Cosmopolitan John

        At least the series won’t be snowed out.

    • jesterpunk

      ELITIST SPORTSBALL TEAMS, NEED TO HAVE NON CORPORATIST TEAMS THE REAL FANS LIKE. WHY ARE THE GOLF COAST METS BEING IGNORED?!!!!!!eleventy!!!!!!

      • OrdinaryJoe

        This year 4 million people will risk the worst parking facility in the western world, eat cold hot dogs and some will drink warm beer, just to cheer on Los Doyers in person. For a couple of years now these fans arrive on time and don’t leave early. We finally have real fans.

  • PigDootsMolloy
  • Joe Beese
    • kareemachan

      This is very cute, but most “abandoned” fawns are not. A friend who works at our local wildlife center gets down-right apoplectic talking about the well-meaning idiots who can’t leave well enough alone.

      Must say that the video wouldn’t run for me (stupid computer), so I’m just going by what happens all too often.

      People, if you see a fawn somewhere with mom not around, LEAVE IT ALONE. Chances are the mother is off grazing and will be back.

      • Joe Beese

        This guy is in the clear.

        • kareemachan

          Thanks – I needed that. ;-)

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • Serai 1

      I gotta wonder what people are expecting here. Do they think the second Mueller’s got his ducks in order, that Twitler will be clapped in irons and led to the hoosegow? AHAHA if so. How about we get realistic and realize if a nuclear situation arises in the next few days, there is basically nothing any investigatory committee can do about it? Impeachment is not a thing that takes a half hour, and arresting the President just isn’t going to happen this year, if ever. Best people get that little fantasy out of their heads right now, and start throwing their lot in with something that can make a difference. What that could be in this fucking situation, I have no idea, of course.

      • dshwa

        Mueller could have a quiet word with the right people in Congress and let them know he’s confident he’s got obstruction and/or collusion, and leaving a desperate madman in charge while everything sorts out is not wise. Get them to act on Comeys testimony alone which is enough for obstruction.
        That, or make the same play with the cabinet and get the 25th amendment invoked.

  • Reximus
    • BosGrl

      Drumpf won’t care. Guam voted for Hillary.

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      Christ, I hope this is just bluster.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        North Korea is pretty much always full of shit. I’m fairly confident about this.

      • Doug Langley

        There’s one person who thinks it isn’t bluster:

        http://crooksandliars.com/2017/08/trump-warns-n-korea-they-will-be-met-fire

        • Doug Langley

          Sorry, sorry, my mind’s so scrambled by new day at work and weird stuff I didn’t even notice what the thread was about.

      • mailman27

        Except they’re blustering at a complete fucking idiot. I have two daughters and four grandsons in California mixed in with the other millions of people going about their peaceful business. I cannot begin to come to grips with this blithering idiot TV host controlling our lives and deaths. Economically anxious? How about existentially anxious.

  • Hardly Ideal

    Hey, emergency kittens! Just what I needed!

    *picks up adorable kitty*

    *bites its damn head off*

    *chew chew chew*

    …what? That’s not what these were for? I just figured, what with living in a world where all sense has died.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Knock it off, Kim. Puppies and kittens aren’t people food.

      • Bobathonic

        But they’re so…tasty!

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    At this point, I’ll take “sort of reassuring:”

    https://twitter.com/ezraklein/status/895042463294992384

    • Beanz&Berryz

      1 to 3 odds of nuclear war… I bet South Korea feels better…

    • Canis Greyhame

      The bare fact that we can’t entirely rule-out a nuclear holocaust with complete confidence right now speaks volumes.

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        We used to think that back in the Cold War days, but apart from Cuba I don’t recall thinking it was ever THIS close.

    • Serai 1

      Vox managed to get that off to a nasty start. Somebody tells me “calm down” and my impulse is to tell them to fuck off.

      • Resistance Fighter Callyson

        That is normally my reaction as well. The fact that I am deriving any assurance from this Vox article tells me that I might just be getting worried about this shit–more so.

  • Three Finger Salute
  • David
    • Thiazin Red

      Odds that Trump is aware Guam belongs to the US?

      • David

        Yeah, but there’s a big ass naval base there, so Mattis will tell him. Oh yeah, and 160,000 people…

        • everstar

          Hopefully Mattis will tell him it’s an expensive military base so Trump knows it’s important.

          • therblig

            trumpy will want to know how much it’s insured for and would total destruction make a profit.

          • Komsumverweigerer Ron

            And that they all voted for him.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      In North Korea language, this means firing a dud that lands in the ocean, a few miles off the coast, in the general direction of Guam.

      • amrak63

        From your keyboard to the screen of the Ascended Madoka.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Do they have any ships or assets that could reach Guam? I mean, they’ve been able to fire missiles into the Sea of Japan, but Guam is almost 3x the distance as Tokyo is from Pyongyang.

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      Do they still keep B-52s ready on the flight line there?

  • Lance Thrustwell

    FIRE AND BLOOD AND HELL oh look kittens.

  • II Gosala

    Don’t think about nuclear Armageddon a pink elephant.

    That’s might fine trolling there, Dok.

  • jesterpunk
    • TJ Barke

      Flippy wiggler is my favorite.

      • Up In Smoke O’hontas

        Cutie Tocks is my stage name.

    • mailman27

      First glance I saw “leg kabobs.” Mmmm…

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    I protest this post in the strongest possible way. It is unfair and biased. It makes a lot of assumptions. I’m writing to the editor to let her know that this is UNFAIR!!!! There is not ONE damned puppy in this whole article. This is unforgivable.

  • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

    Fat Man and Little Boy face off in North Korea. #historyrhymes— Mary Doria Russell (@MDoriaRussell) August 8, 2017

    • Sean McLaren

      omg Mary Doria Russell is on Twitter! I had no idea. She was the first author that taught me science fiction could also be real literature.

  • yyyaz

    Air defense units in the #LeningradOblast have been raised to high alert as intense military exercises continue. – https://t.co/XgjJbtN7FY— DEFCONWarningSystem (@DEFCONWSALERTS) August 8, 2017

  • Claire
    • yyyaz

      Sanity. Hope it works.

      • Three Finger Salute

        He’s putting on his teacher hat to try and get the two unruly brats in the room to play nice with everybody else.

        If only this really was school, and they could both be put in indefinite detention.

        • Ill-Advised

          Mueller’s team will work faster.

    • Serai 1

      Okay, it is now officially time for someone to draw Justin as Superman.

    • Three Finger Salute

      I can’t see the linky/tweet thing. What’s it say?

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      Thank the Invisible Pink Unicorn (may Her Holy Hooves never be shod!) the adults are finally in the room.

  • Doug Langley

    First day at new job. Bet you thought “file clerk” would just be pouring over a computer doing simple cleanup. HAH!! I was carrying 50 lb boxes of docs, stacking them, bending over, bending up, wresting endless shelves of papers . . . my back is sore, my feet are sore, everything is sore.

    But that’s not the worst bit.

    Was hoping to get the last paycheck from summer camp. Haven’t got it yet. Not good. My wallet is EMPTY. Bank account is down to $26. And it’s 40 miles each way to work. Added up the cost of gas alone and suddenly – I might not even be able to make it. Won’t get the first check from new place for 2 weeks, gotta keep driving until then.

    Everyone’s done so much for me, but please – if you can spare anything at all, I need it like yesterday. My gofundme is:

    gofundme.com/dougs-expenses

    hate begging

    • AuntyMaude

      Which business are you working for?

      • Doug Langley

        It’s a bank. They have files and records on every loan and every mortgage and every customer, and OMG are there a LOT. No wonder they needed help, things were piling up pretty badly.

      • Doug Langley

        Also: the people are pretty nice. Whew! Example: one of the girls mixed up her answer to the supervisor, who was confused. “Well, is it SMI or SIM??” They got it straight, but no yelling, no threats. Big difference from summer camp.

      • Doug Langley

        Also: end of day, supervisor thanked me for my “hard work”.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      I’m sorry i can’t help right now, Doug.

      • Doug Langley

        I understand.

    • HazooToo

      Done. I hope it helps.

      • Doug Langley

        Just got the email from gofundme. Oh yes, HazooToo, it helps A LOT.

        What I’m looking forward to: having a steady paycheck and start donating to Wonkette on a regular basis.

        • HazooToo

          I hope you get there soon! You’ve been working so hard, even just to FIND a job. I’m really impressed that you haven’t given up.

          • Doug Langley

            Thanks for the kind words. I keep reminding myself that 1: I’m 61, and 2: have landed 3 jobs this years. Not great jobs, but something.

    • I will hit you on friday Doug! The move tapped me until payday

      • Doug Langley

        Oh goodness, Pick, take your time! I know how moving can wallop the bank account.

    • Painter of Goats

      Sent some gas money your way. :-)

      • Doug Langley

        I see it! Thanks so much, that will really help.

    • Shucky Ducky

      Just hit you with some gas. I have a job interview tomorrow morning–pray my subway doesn’t get stuck in a tunnel. Hang in there!

  • ltmcdies

    Hey guys everything. This guy wrote a whole article saying so

    https://twitter.com/thenatlinterest/status/895027924532940800

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      That’s comforting…if you have a private bunker somewhere.

    • Serai 1

      …except for the people who LIVE WHERE THE FUCKING BOMBS HIT.

    • Joe Beese

      He’s right, you know. “Existential threat”, like “treason”, is a term that needs to be used very carefully.

      As he concludes:

      Scare-mongering contributes to the growing drumbeat for airstrikes against North Korea which could ignite a disastrous regional conflict, even though North Korea almost certainly does not intend to offensively strike the United States with its nuclear weapons.

      • Incoming Ham

        The Orange Twit has by way of complete stupidity, put us in a very very awkward position with China. We don’t have the upper hand.

      • everstar

        “Almost certainly does not intend.” I’m just in awe. I also enjoy the delicacy of “offensively strike.” Accidental striking, of course, is still on the table.

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      Someone on Twitter pointed out that in August 2016 this same source had a headline along the lines of “Hillary Clinton and Nuclear Weapons: More Dangerous than Trump?”

      So fuck them.

      • Doug Langley

        I had some “discussions” with people back then who were chiding me for supporting blood-thirsty Hillary who was SO unlike Donnie Trump, The Prince of Peace.

      • ltmcdies

        I think I was already at Fuck them but even more reason

    • yyyaz
      • foiled again

        “Twenty or thirty million killed, tops…depending on the breaks.”

    • everstar

      If I didn’t know that were the National Interest, I would assume the writer had hit Swiftian levels of irony. I nearly got frostbite from the cold comfort in “not necessarily.”

    • jesterpunk

      Hey North Korea if you want to nuke some places in the US here are some locations for you just use smaller bombs please?

      26.6771° N, 80.0370° W

      14.5651° N, 121.0283° E

      33.7296° N, 118.3495° W

      • epazote

        NO on #3
        wherever that is it’s too close to me !

        • jesterpunk

          Number 1 is Mar-A-Lago

          Number 2 is his hotel in Manila

          Number 3 is Trump’s LA golf course.

          • AuntyMaude

            I hope LA is Louisiana and not LaLa Land.

          • jesterpunk

            Los Angeles. That is why they need small weapons just for the golf course.

  • Sedagive ’em Hell

    No worries: I’m sure that Jared Kushner will have this all sorted out in a day or two.

    • Other Chris

      Who knew nuclear warfare could be so complicated?!

      • Three Finger Salute

        #Architecting

        is hard

  • Three Finger Salute

    Because there is a dearth of doggies in this article and a lack of literacy in this country, why not combine the best of both?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wsN8bFeKNeI

    See what public television can bring? Compared to the “private sector” that gave the world Honey Booboo and the Karkrashians. Old-school PBS for the win!

    • Red Bird

      Isn’t that the show Julia Stiles got her start on?

      • marxalot

        Thought that was “Ghostwriter”

        • Red Bird

          Yes. You’re right. Both PBS shows.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Not sure. I know there’s a kid who later went on to be one of the principal players in that show Supernatural.

  • Sean McLaren

    I’ll offer a genuinely upbeat thought for the evening: Most of the worst things that have happened in recent human history, and in much of more distant human history, from the fall of Rome to the Holocaust, happened, at least in part, because no one believed they could happen, or could be happening. The very fact that so many people are willing to look at the possibility of the worst straight on may well give us a much better chance of preventing it.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Not necessarily. The only ones who see it happening either aren’t in a position to make any difference at all (regular folks like you and me who don’t have fuck-you money to be in power), or are part of those “cosmopolitan elites” the sociopaths in charge don’t give a shit about anyway. Jimmy Carter was the fucking president and so was Obama. Does anyone really think even they can put a stop to this? Not when the neon carrot is the one in charge of the nukes and the Dominionists are salivating over the prospect of finally destroying the world so the Rapture can come about!

    • Serai 1

      I have always held a private belief – more wishful thinking than anything else, but one stubbornly clung to – that if any scenario has been created by fiction, it will not come to pass in the real world. This is a weirdass thing to believe, and I can’t remember where it came from, but it’s been in my head since I was a kid. If somebody thought of it and wrote it down, it won’t happen.

      Mind you, I’m talking about fiction, the art of crafting story. I think it’s partly about the role of world-building when one writes a story: put it in a made-up world and it won’t manifest in this one. I don’t know. I just know I’ve been very comforted throughout my life to know that I wasn’t going to end up in Oceania or USA90027 or Urbmon 87 of the Calmex Constellation. Such is the power of a constructed belief, even one acknowledged as silly and arbitrary, to offer comfort in uncertain times.

      I have no idea why I’m telling you guys this. Just seemed like rightness.

  • UnsaltedSinner
  • HazooToo

    When you have to laugh to keep from crying. https://twitter.com/AnandWrites/status/895022472902447110

    • Joe Beese

      The King of Spain bears the nominal title of Archduke of Austria.

      • HazooToo

        Somebody better be keeping a close goddamn eye on him right now!

      • marxalot

        He’s also a double Bourbon, which I envy at this time of day.

        • SpideySenser

          Neat!

      • WomanInThePersistence

        Does he have any travel plans to Serejevo?

      • BosGrl

        Those crazy royals!

        • CindyinEncinitas

          8-ball in the corner pocket, what what!

      • ltmcdies

        So bubble wrap that guy

    • Msgr_MΩment
      • HazooToo

        They really didn’t think that through, did they? It’s like the people who say they’re going to the Mall if there’s a zombie outbreak.

      • aureolaborealis

        Guam is one of the high-value U.S. targets that NK could actually reach, so, mebbe not so much. That light-colored ship anchored in the lower left corner of Apra Harbor there is a Marine quick response something or another, filled with equipment and supplies for a quickly deployed ground force. (Or at least it used to be when I lived there.) The far end of the island has Andersen AF Base, which hosts B-52s, B-1s, B-2s, etc. All juicy targets for tin-pot dictators with a couple of nukes and medium-range ICBMS.
        Also: I once almost ran over a military, presumably nuclear, sub’s periscope while sailing in that harbor. Once it saw me coming, it was dropping as fast as it could as I passed about 10 feet away. I assumed it was U.S. at the time, but maybe it wasn’t.

        • Beanz&Berryz

          In-harbor submersion? That sounds irregular… and it must be a fairly deep harbor…

          • aureolaborealis

            It’s 150-200 feet deep where it happened. I don’t know who it was or what they were doing, but poking into enemy harbors and hanging out on or near the bottom in complete silence was a typical Cold War sub tactic, though this was post-Cold War, at least theoretically.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            Wow… Where’s a good sub net when you need one?? A periscope would do a number on a sailboat keel…

  • everstar

    But… I just got into grad school. I have to buy textbooks and everything. I’ve been waiting for years to spend what common wisdom decrees is a colossal waste of both time and money to pursue this degree!

    • mancityRed6

      or like the wife of a friend of mine, BA and two Master’s.
      to teach math to middle school kids.
      in Kansas.

      • everstar

        She’s living the dream, yup.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      You should order a Cosmopolitan to celebrate your bright, elitist future.

      • marxalot

        Let this begin as it shall end: with drink.

        -grad school grad

      • everstar

        I don’t drink, though I understand it may be a degree requirement.

        • Three Finger Salute

          Finally another teetotaler! I was beginning to feel left out.

          • everstar

            [totally sober high-five?] My excuse is that it doesn’t play well with my medications, but really it’s just that a) I can’t ever taste anything but the alcohol burn, and b) I can’t afford it.

  • The Militant Homosexual Agenda
  • TJ Barke

    Life is not a real time strategy game! You can’t save-scum in geopolitics!

    • Master Contrail Program

      You mean we can’t just open up the map editor?

      • TJ Barke

        No! You can’t get into the command console or developer controls either!

    • Doug Langley

      You mean we can’t mod it so the nukes turn into unicorns and rainbows? Well, my day’s shot.

    • redarmyzombie

      Speaking of such, does anyone know if Gandhi researched democracy yet?

  • SayItWithWookies

    Well — maybe I won’t mow the lawn then.

    • BosGrl

      If you were Canadian, a little nuclear war wouldn’t stop you!

      • Three Finger Salute

        LOL, Lawnmower Guy. Honestly, though, Ottawa seriously needs to become sister cities with Seoul. They both know what it’s like to have a nuclear-capable maniac living next door beyond a yuge undefended border.

        Even Pierre, when he talked about getting poked by the elephant, never had to deal with the threat of Nixon or the irrelevant Ford nuking the whole world. Reagan maybe but now shit is getting real. Nixon was a paranoid crank, and Reagan had dementia and that whole Star Wars clusterfuck, but nobody is or will ever be Trump.

        I think I speak for all of us when I say —

        https://i.cbc.ca/1.2834815.1415940142!/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/original_300/god-save-justin-trudeau-poster.jpg

        …and the rest of us too.

        • snigsy

          Ottawa’s sister city is Beijing. So . . .

          • Three Finger Salute

            You can’t have more than one sister?

            How about a cousin?

  • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

    It’s a shame we didn’t have a presidential candidate who had four years of world wide diplomatic experience. A shame, indeed.

    • Gayle

      Yes, that is a shame.

    • mackafritz

      Too much of a war monger.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      …and a penis. You left that out.

  • WomanInThePersistence

    So I got home from work, and just checked the Wonkette. Would you all believe that the Kamala Harris thread is still going?

    • HazooToo

      Can we just close the comments on that one, please? It is fucking exhausting.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        Maybe I’m kind of contrary, but it’s so close to 4000. What I don’t get is why all those Bernie Troll Bros felt a need to be such assholes there. Kamala Harris is awesome, and imho twice the Senator Sanders is.

        • ltmcdies

          And you just answered your question. Gotta keep the primary deck space swept clear the St Bernie in 2020

        • HazooToo

          Here is a thread on Twitter that I found today that may help explain this phenomenon. It is a very long thread, but I think you’ll enjoy the entire thing. https://twitter.com/Mc_Heckin_Duff/status/894810537166503936

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Thank you. I like this person very much.

          • HazooToo

            Me too. He’s become one of my new favorite humans.

        • Sedagive ’em Hell

          I just checked in on the KH thread for the first time.

          Jeez: it’s the same freaking arguments I’ve been having with purity ponies since the ’90s. The only thing that’s changed are the names.

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      Yes, and it may beat Vegan Baby Buttholes.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        No fucking way.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        So, it really is the apocalypse?

    • Red Bird

      Why?

      • WomanInThePersistence

        Bernie Troll Bros. Apparently.

  • Joe Beese

    So here is the actual NK idea about Guam.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DGvUKDcVoAAdbJJ.jpg

    • Joe Beese

      Playing devil’s advocate here, if Kim is feisty enough to detonate ballistic rockets near one of our Air Force bases, what’s the appropriate response?

      • mackafritz

        Launch an unarmed ICBM at them?

      • Steve Cole

        We could consult w/allies and issue a joint statement of outrage. Or we could stage our own airshow. My bet is swift airshow. Which is one (among many) things I have never understood about the DPRK. They are always beating the drums and making threats. One day, there might be a little accident and people might not feel too restrained. I think the crew of the USS Pueblo is with me on this.

    • Incoming Ham

      This has to be a wonky translation: “…get on the nerves of the DPRK” It has to be.

      • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

        Idiom or idiotic?

      • mackafritz

        It’s the engrish translation.

    • jesterpunk

      Trump doesn’t even know we have a major military base in Qatar before he started threatening them, what makes you think he knows about the one in Guam?

  • Reximus
  • I just spent 4 hours at the dentist with three kids and another 2 and a half hours waiting for busses. I’m overheated and cranky. And I have to do the same things again tomorrow and Thursday. If Trump wants to blow up the world, I could possibly live with it happening tonight.

    • mancityRed6

      it would be nice to not have to go to work in the morning.

      • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

        [on phone with boss]

        ”I can’t come into work today. I’ve been vaporized.”

        • Doug Langley

          I’ve had some bosses for whom that actually wouldn’t be a valid excuse.

      • epazote

        We have a 5 year old feral cat and a 7 week old puppy
        That motherfucking Drumpf had better not blow up the world before those two learn to get along !!!!

    • OutOfOrbit

      sumtimes there just ain’t enuff kitehs in the world

    • Msgr_MΩment

      So you’re saying you’re going to turn this fucking car around?!

    • The Militant Homosexual Agenda
    • Les Appentis De la résistance

      This is why alcohol was invented.

      • It really is, and I can’t tell you how much I wish I had some. Or the money to buy some.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    The good news–if there is any–is that at least some Dems aren’t buying into Donald’s strategy of using this to rally America to his side FFS:

    https://twitter.com/jilevin/status/895053949849522178

    • Three Finger Salute

      The minority party doesn’t buy into any of Donald’s shit.

      Unfortunately, that’s why they’re the minority party. Too many people did.

      • amrak63

        And too many other people couldn’t be bothered to get off their sorry lazy asses and vote because the Dems weren’t perfect.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        The minority party is the Repulicans. Don’t buy the narrative. More people vote D than R. It’s the majority party doesn’t buy Donald’s shit. Unfortunately the Rs have suppressed, oppressed, and gerrymandered us into irrelevance.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      I really don’t care how big they talk, I don’t think too many Americans of whatever political persuasion, are enthusiastic about putting on a uniform and fighting over in Korea.

      • marxalot

        Again.

  • Michael R
  • Sekhmet1

    On the topic of the recent Kamala Harris bashing by the purity ponies, this is a really interesting analysis: http://www.cosmopolitan.com/politics/a11646941/kamala-harris-criticism-sanders-left/

    • Three Finger Salute

      Cosmopolitan bias!

      • Joe Beese

        Well played.

    • Joe Beese

      Needs more blowjob tips.

      • Sekhmet1

        Oh my god, really?

        No, it doesn’t. Brittany Cooper’s stuff is worth the read, whatever the publication.

  • UnsaltedSinner

    International Cat Day? Really?

    Oh, all right then.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PxHfiBFMmY0

  • Joe Beese
  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • Picabo

    RIP Glen Campbell. Alzheimer’s claims another one.
    “Earlier this year, Campbell released Adiós, his final studio album, a collection of mainly cover songs by Bob Dylan, Harry Nilsson and others, recorded after his Goodbye Tour. “Almost every time he sat down with a guitar, these were his go-to songs,” daughter Ashley Campbell told Rolling Stone Country. “They were very much ingrained in his memory – like, so far back that they were one of the last things he started losing.”

    http://www.rollingstone.com/country/news/glen-campbell-dead-at-81

  • UpstateNYObserver

    Thanks…I needed that…

  • Royal Ugly Dude
    • Shucky Ducky

      That is fucking gorgeous.

  • Jennifer R
  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    Today, we are all Henri left at home with a brute.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q8jJuTYfa_E

  • Ezio

    How DOES a man who lived through the Cold War act as if he actually WANTS to get into a nuclear apocalypse?

    • jesterpunk

      He was trying to do business in Russia during the cold war…

    • marxalot

      He was doing coke and partying the whole time, like he noticed?

    • DainBramage

      Simple answer: He’s A Idiot.

    • Three Finger Salute

      He survived his own personal Vietnam, so he figures he’s invincible.

    • ariel_gee_398

      He may have lived through the Cold War but that doesn’t mean he remembers it.

    • Les Appentis De la résistance

      His IQ is 80. He’s been taken advantage of his whole life after daddy left him a pile of cash.

  • Invidosa

    Ohhhhh, thanks for the kitten giggles! I needed them all!!

  • chascates

    NPR had a story some weeks ago about the ‘nuclear football’ and how it might be deployed. Were the President to order a strike on Cuba (or anywhere else) there is no one between him and the launch officers; he selects a plan from the ‘football’ and the order to fire is transmitted to a missile silo. Fifteen minutes would be all it takes between this pathetic excuse for a leader deciding to nuke something and the target being hit.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
  • Msgr_MΩment

    Can’t Kim just send Donnie a couple of pee hookers and we can just let bygones be bygones?

    • mancityRed6

      just a couple? pfft, that would be an insult.

      • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

        But they each just drank an entire 6 pack and took a diuretic.

    • mackafritz

      And we can send Dennis Rodman to Kim.

      • Panika MCD

        Jonas Bros or GTFO!

        • mancityRed6

          I can think of quite a few people we can send to the DPRK

          • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

            Shkrelli?

          • mancityRed6

            McConnell, all of the Pauls. the list is a long one.

  • Ezio
    • Serai 1

      That’s quite good!

    • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

      Awesome!

    • ColumbusLib

      Love it!

    • Ill-Advised

      Wonkette’s gonna need a band. We got enough writers yet? We need a band budget, also, too.

  • mancityRed6

    trying to think of what to have for dinner, and I forgot I bout a couple of frozen pizzas on Saturday. oh, and I still have some fries to put in the oven.
    it makes me feel like that time I was flat broke and found $20 in my jacket.

  • Panika MCD

    since I’m in the middle of the Pink Dome Wars (simmering at the moment with a side of abortion insurance), I started to wonder:

    is it possible that Patrick is just pedaling this social issues horse shit that Straus can’t stand because Patrick is jealous that Straus is much more attractive? is it really about which chamber’s leader has the bigger balls?

    https://therivardreport.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/updated_legislature_composite.jpg

    *Abbott’s in the middle…I think it’s his, “you look like you’re about to piss on my lap. don’t.” face.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Would not shock me. I’ve seen pissing contests between legislative “leaders” because of petty grievances before. It’s practically a cottage industry here in Nevada.

      • Panika MCD

        if it is a pissing contest, Straus don’t want to play.

      • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

        Come to Illinois. We’ve had the same Speaker of the House for all but two years since 1983. Micheal Madigan. He seems to think he’s the Prime Minister of IL. And, although a Dem, he obstructs every Gov he’s served with, regardless of party. I despise our current Gov but at least I got a chance to vote against him. If you’re not in Madigan’s district you have no say. We went over two years without a budget because of this childish bullshit.

  • Serai 1
  • SDGeoff3
    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      Tipsy is pretty cute, but all the glue it took to stick her on that bench is gonna mess up the lacquer.

      • SDGeoff3

        She was very patient.

      • SDGeoff3

        Fortunately, it’s not lacquered. Otherwise, mah britches be left right there.

  • she persisted

    The upside of nuclear holocaust: I don’t have to start that new diet after all. Nor study for that certification exam. Win!

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      IKR? That’s been my justification for every bag of Ruffles I’ve bought since the election. “Oh, I should lose weight, but then again, Dolt 45 will probably get us all killed, so I’ll start tomorrow.”

  • Jennifer R

    I hauled back a bag of rice and some eggs today. Hadn’t taken rice back because of the weight and eggs because of fears of crushing them but I really needed to mix my diet up and waiting two more weeks for my roommate to get back wasn’t an option. Course now I am sore as fuck and sort of hobble.

  • therblig
  • SayItWithWookies

    That stupid loudmouthed pariah tinpot dictator menacing the whole fucking world with his bluster and nukes had better leave himself some wiggle room instead of issuing ultimatums, or he’s gonna find he painted himself into a corner he can’t just get out.

    And the fact that he’s tangling with a bellicose fool like Li’l Kim doesn’t help, either.

  • IdiokraticDrumpfenResistance
  • Msgr_MΩment

    Movie lines that were never meant to be:

    “We’ll always have Guam.”

    • SDGeoff3

      Oh yes, this comment!!

    • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

      “Bomb it again, Sam”.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Trump gonna Trump, Imma eat these spiced polenta-stuffed, batter fried squash blossoms with sweet tomato chutney, all from the farm.

    • Sedagive ’em Hell

      Damn that sounds good.

    • Food elitist!

    • SDGeoff3

      Beats a taco bowl any day.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      I went to dinner at a friend’s house this evening, and everything (except for the fish) was from the garden. Delicious!

      • snigsy

        I grow my fish from seeds.

        • yyyaz

          Sea monkeys?

        • Good_Gawd_Yall

          {snicker}

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    This keeps happening. How about spellcheck, WH geniuses?

    https://twitter.com/politiCOHEN_/status/895000919678627842

    • snigsy

      Pod people.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      What, did they recruit their media professionals from the staff of the Homeschool Daily News? They do this shit every day. Or maybe it’s on purpose, so goober-Americans don’t feel so stupid.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      The briefing was about a shortage of music players from Apple…

    • Red Bird

      Hmmm….while I care about helping people suffering from addiction I can’t ignore the blaring difference in the way opium addiction is being treated compared to crack addiction back in the 1990’s. I have yet to hear any of the addicts described as criminal or lacking morality. In fact, there has been nothing but a steady call to avoid any stigmatization of the addicts. How nice to know that when the right group of people suffer, the government can find a reasonable solution. (In case anyone isn’t aware, opium addiction causes more deaths in white communities than others)

    • The Militant Homosexual Agenda
    • Charon_69

      So much ‘wining’

  • Alexander Stallwitz

    I am going to level with you wonkettes, i am skeptical North Korea has a nuclear weapon. It feels too much like the run up to the Iraq war, we were fed a stream of lies that Iraq had all these WMDs and we needed to invade them now or terrortists would use a WMD on us. The infamous mushroom cloud for instance. Trump has a hardon to start a war with someone and North Korea is on the top of it. When i was younger and stupider, i wholeheartly supported Iraq. I now know i was lied to and feel deep shame i supported such a awful debacle. Theres a lot to worry about since two scoops Donny is in charge, but i am skeptical North Korea is one of them

    • Claire

      I would be lying if I said I hadn’t wondered about that myself. On the other hand, North Korea has been shaping up as something to worry about for longer than Donny Two Scoops has been in office, and apparently our intelligence there is all but blind. If anyone in the world besides Trump would be dumb enough to wave nuclear weapons around as dick substitutes, it’s got to be Kim Jong Un.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        And Donald J. Trump

      • Les Appentis De la résistance

        Our intelligence is blind. Exactly.

    • HazooToo

      I don’t trust that NK has a capable nuke, but they may. What I DO trust is that Trump is stupid, mean and impulsive enough to make good on his threat, whether they do or not.

    • Paperless Tiger

      Could be a trick. Again, sourcing nukes, especially micro-nukes, is really the big game now, because micro-nukes can actually be used without triggering the various doomsday contingencies that are in place. Allegedly, they have been used in several conflicts and played off as conventional weapons.

    • Jennifer R

      I wouldn’t be surprised to see that Russia has been deeply involved in their program.

      • jaspersdad

        1956: The Soviet Union begins training North Korean scientists and engineers, giving them “basic knowledge” to initiate a nuclear program.

        https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timeline_of_the_North_Korean_nuclear_program

        • Jennifer R

          I mean, that they had a specific material hand in the leaps and bounds NK made in the last few years.

          • WIDTAP

            Well, much of what got the North Korean nuclear program kicked off was given to North Korea by Abdul Qadeer Khan of Pakistan.

            But yes, I wouldn’t doubt recent developments had the aid of someone else, like Russia or China.

          • jaspersdad

            I don’t know about the last few years but here an interesting document from the payback machine.

            “In 2004, the EMP Commission met with very senior Russian military officers, who are experts on EMP weapons. They warned that Russian scientists had been recruited by Pyongyang to work on the North Korean nuclear weapons program. They further warned that the knowledge and technology to develop “Super-EMP” weapons had been transferred to North Korea, and that North Korea could probably develop these weapons in the near future, within a few years. The Russian officers said that the threat to global security that would be posed by a North Korea armed with “Super-EMP” weapons is unacceptable. The senior Russian military officers, who claimed to be expressing their personal views to the EMP Commission, said that, while the Kremlin could not publicly endorse U.S. preemptive action, Moscow would privately understand the strategic necessity of a preemptive strike by the United States against North Korea’s nuclear complex.”

            http://web.archive.org/web/20121108204504/http://kyl.senate.gov/legis_center/subdocs/030805_pry.pdf

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      Nuclear testing underground is like a small earthquake, the seismic waves from which can and have been detected around our planet. http://thebulletin.org/north-korean-nuclear-test-what-seismic-data-says

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Haven’t there been detections of a couple nuclear-ish explosions, of not always completely failed effect?

      • Doug Langley

        There was one detection, I believe it was the first NK successful test, that had a yield of about half a kiloton. That’s a fraction the punch of the Hiroshima bomb. Experts said they really screwed it up.

    • Steve Cole

      Actual device or not, I am skeptical they would risk such a resource w/a unproven delivery vehicle. If they really want to make trouble, they would chose a more reliable delivery vehicle. Like a shipping container.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Totally agree… Why trust dodgy fuel, navigation, and metallurgy when you can just drive into Long Beach, San Diego, or SF Bay… And put a Japanese flag on it to be tricky…

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        There was an old joke back in the day about the Soviet Union eventually coming up with a potent nuclear device that would fit in a suitcase. “But it will take them at least 10 more years to come up with a suitcase”.

      • redblack

        does north korea export enough to fill a shipping container? i just assumed they’re the mississippi of east asia: all take and no give.

        hell, they barely have electricity.

    • Harbinger08

      Ok, really? Is this a joke and you are pretending to be that fucking stupid person that blurts out an opinion that was brought into this world 11 seconds ago, and never checks with the Google to see if it’s actually a thing? North Korea has detonated FIVE nuclear weapons in tests to date. Maybe what you really meant was, “How can we be sure that 5 wasn’t ALL THEY HAD and they used them all up and now they’re on empty and somehow forgot to make more? You going for the Dirty Harry style “You feel lucky, punk?” gambit because AHA we have a secret nuke we held back. Surprise! https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_nuclear_weapons_tests_of_North_Korea

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        Hostile much?

        • Harbinger08

          It’s Wonkette. Bite my sweaty sack. If you dare.

          • Good_Gawd_Yall

            So that’s a yes, then.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Yeah, that’s the real Wonkette spirit, alright. Jesus fucking Christ.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Yeah, what’s up with all the aggro lately?

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Hey, bite my sweaty sack. If you dare. To actually answer your question, who the fuck knows?

          • WomanInThePersistence

            With all respect and love….eeeewwwwww….

          • Les Appentis De la résistance

            Blow me.

          • Harbinger08

            That’s the spirit!

      • Alexander Stallwitz

        I never said north korea didnt test nukes, i am just skeptical they have a nuke that can a. Hit the US or even Seoul. B. Even have a viable nuke right now. I am just urging caution and not to have a kneejerk “omg, bomb them now” reaction. If we just rush in gung ho like, the results could be disastrous. Trump has beating the war drum on North Korea since he become president. I fear we are being fed a line of BS for a war with north Korea

        • Harbinger08

          Why didn’t you say so? They probably don’t have a nuke they can deliver with confidence right now. They will probably be able to hit Seoul or Japan soon, or make it seem a plausible possibility, same difference. They will only use what they have if it is to react to an attempt at regime change, since they know they could never resist long in a conventional war. But if hostilities begin and they think they face a rapid defeat (they would) they will certainly use everything they have, including all their nukes. Trump is pushing them.

        • WIDTAP

          Seoul is within artillery range of North Korea. They don’t need missile technology to target Seoul with a nuke.

          North Korea has demonstrated missile technology capable of hitting a target as far away as Chicago. That missile test was monitored. The latest missile test was the basis for the most recent (days ago) UN sanctions. North Korea says that they have this technology now, it was monitored by the US, Japan and others, and no one disputes that.

          The latest intelligence report is that they have miniaturized their existing nuclear bomb designs to be launched by those missiles. If you were to doubt the latest intelligence report to be true, then just say that. But that still doesn’t deny that North Korea has nukes and intercontinental ballistic missiles.

          Exactly how you think that they could have detonated those nukes in their tests without having the nukes is beyond me.

      • Les Appentis De la résistance

        You’re an idiot. There’s been zero proof any of those were successful. All they’ve proved is that they don’t know what they’re doing.

        • Harbinger08

          Well, one of us is, on that we can certainly agree. See? Common ground!

        • WIDTAP

          Don’t be dense. They were monitored by both earthquakes and radioactive emissions into the atmosphere. This evidence is part of the documentation backing the UN sanctions well before the latest announcement.

          Even North Korea says they have detonated nuclear bombs.

          Your doubts of the Earths roundness notwithstanding, that North Korea has detonated nuclear bombs is a stipulated fact.

          • Harbinger08

            He won’t take your advice. The first bit, I mean.

      • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

        Are you always this pleasant or is this a special day for you? When you start off your counter-point by calling someone a “fucking stupid person” I really don’t give a damn what you have to say.

        • Harbinger08

          No, I did not call him a stupid person, I very plainly and politely inquired if he was making a funny joke by acting like such a person. It was a reasonable question. Did that not come across? And thanks for replying, it did make me feel special, today of all days.

          • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

            I’m sorry. I didn’t realize there was such a huge difference between CALLING someone a “stupid fucking person” and asking if they were PRETENDING to be a “stupid fucking person”! Politely, my ass.

          • Harbinger08

            Well, there is and now you know. No need to apologize for not knowing something, we are all here to learn and I’m glad to help, so you’re welcome.

          • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

            Anyone who hides their comment history is a coward. Shove off.

          • Harbinger08

            Not really. Sometimes over the years I’ve been attacked by malicious right wing nuts looking for personal information in my previous comments so they can make threats and cause trouble, or share one’s identity with other alt-right wack jobs. Who needs that bullshit in their lives?. It’s not very pleasant. You seem to have a rather dead sense of humor, plus a giant splintery stick up your ass. You would benefit from allowing it to be removed, but it seems you are just hunting for someone who will move it in and out for you.I’m not into that, it seems kind of icky and personal. ( No judgment!) I’m sure you’ll find someone else, it’s just not me. Good luck!

    • BigCSouthside

      Seems like a situation where there is smoke, and they may be at a point they could fling one and maybe score a hit somewhere. They almost certainly could hit South Korea or Japan.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        Hell, they could put one in the back of a big truck and push it into South Korea. The capital is 35 miles away.

    • Les Appentis De la résistance

      I totally agree. It sounds like a Judith Miller authored report.

    • Doug Langley

      True, the Korean nuke program has been awfully shaky. They have a tendency to keep going PFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTT.

    • AuntyMaude

      I knew that Iraq couldn’t have had WMDs bcs it made no sense. Our sanctions against them were crippling. The citizens suffered, we killed Iraqi children with those sanctions. So you are probably right about N Korea.

      • Alexander Stallwitz

        Looking back, its like “no shit, sherlock” but i really believed it much to my eternal shame.

    • ltmcdies

      They’ve been testing for a few years and they aren’t stupid
      Sorry…. this time the IC most likely got it right

  • jaspersdad

    Oh good, Trump has lowered himself to the rhetoric of the North Koreans.

    So much winning…

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Or raised himself to it… He had better grammatical cohesion than usual…

    • Three Finger Salute

      At least your someday Nobel Peace Prize recipient, future U.N. Secretary General, and probably canonized patron saint of diplomats and persecuted intellectuals, has just sent one of his Jedi knights to Pyongyang in a last-ditch effort to convince Darth Kim to play nice.

      Ostensibly, the meeting is about negotiating the release of a Canadian pastor imprisoned for “subversive activities” in the regime, but… just like the “welcome to Canada” subtweet from January during the travel ban chaos, there’s always a deeper message delivered with a wink and a nod. This is about throwing a Hail Mary (hail Maggie?) pass to avert the prospect of everyone getting tackled by deployment of nuclear footballs.

      But Darth Cheddar, unfortunately, is an intractable fuddle-duddle.

  • Jennifer R
    • redarmyzombie

      A man complaining about women and minorities being under-qualified is under-qualified himself? Why, color me shocked.

      • Jennifer R

        They gave him a nice go away present of a master’s degree.

      • Thiazin Red

        Also, pretty rich a guy who posts a 10 page manifesto calling women hysterical.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Resume padding? How gauche!

    • Claire

      Ooh – even better, Harvard’s Systems Biology program does not appear to offer a terminal master’s. So Broseph either dropped out or flunked out when it came time to do his dissertation.

      • Jennifer R

        Yeah, this was a Go Away present.

      • Thiazin Red

        This, a masters is the pity degree a PhD program gives you when you’re a fuck up, but they don’t want the program to look bad.

        • Claire

          It’s possible in some programs to legitimately earn the masters and just flame out at some point between then and finishing your dissertation. I’m betting this program isn’t one of them, though.

        • jowgajen

          I actually feel bad for him. These programs are grueling, and your success is often strongly linked to your ability to suck up to faculty. It’s a crushing blow to work so hard and fail, especially since when you are in the middle of it all it seems like academia and its bullshit is everything that matters in the world.

    • Steve Cole

      That is plenty funny. I bet his Google resume not inflated, because they absolutely call and check. At least, they did for me.

    • HazooToo
    • WIDTAP

      Oddly, on LinkedIn James has no recommendations from anyone nor any endorsements of his skills from anyone at Google.

      I wonder why.

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      He’s filed a complaint but will have a hard time fighting firing.
      http://www.rawstory.com/2017/08/google-memo-writer-faces-tough-legal-road-challenging-firing/

  • Holly

    To give equal time to dogs everywhere…I present one of the best dog breeds to ever grace this planet I give you the Newfoundland.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-OgItlNxFpU

  • DainBramage
    • Sean McLaren

      In all fairness that’s the first plan he’s come up with that would actually work.

    • beingreleased

      Arsnic. Cures what ailes you, and non-addictive.

    • Amy!

      It’s a two-fer.

      Nuclear winter will reverse global warming, too.

  • bookish

    https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2017/08/the-trump-show-that-never-ends/536178/?utm_source=nl-politics-daily-080817

    The presidency in crisis! How can this possibly be sustained? Where will it end? What is going to happen? But the answer is right in front of us: It’s happening right now, on an endless loop. This is what’s going to happen, day in and day out—nonstop chaos, plot twists and cliffhangers, a furious, embattled president who finds new ways to shock while never seeming to change.

    • jesterpunk

      So I can skip tomorrow’s episode?

      • Finnibar87

        Let’s just cancel the entire show.

        • jesterpunk

          Can we also fire the writers and blacklist them? The main character is really one dimensional and the story is unbelievable, my 7 year old niece can write better characters.

  • Lizzietish81

    OT: SO, after what was actually a pretty smooth process, but still fucking stressful (just ask Suttree, he came over and I cried for like an hour) I have moved, I have internet and as of tonight, I have a fridge.

    The new job is pretty much like the job I just had, but the building is nicer and only a mile from my house and since I can keep my bike on the first floor, I can ride it. Ten minutes, I’m there! Ten minutes, I’m home!

    I just finished the online thing for health insurance so hopefully soon I shall have Prozac again. Sweet, sweet Prozac.

    Downside, flies. Fucking flies. It’s like Amityville horror here. And there’s no screens on the windows (except the bedroom oddly enough), and since I’m a fresh air fiend, they’ve moved in. Thinking of getting a venus fly trap. Nom nom nom. Also at five when I get home the sun is blasting right onto my computer, so I need to find a curtain rod and block that shit. Also no hot water and no shower curtain. Felt pretty grubby today so I jumped in the shower before it got too cool to consider it.

    Aaaand back on topic

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bISIrij7zAw

    • Holly

      Let us know when the housewarming is and we’ll all bring those cakes we like….and wine. Congratulations on the move. If there’s a bathtub go soak and light a candle.

    • Glad you’re getting settled!

      • OutOfOrbit

        and laid?
        *shows self out*

        • Lizzietish81

          *cries*

          • He’s trouble!

          • But…i pointed out to Sutree: Syracuse is only 2 hrs from Niagra and i will totally haul up to meet you guys!

          • Up In Smoke O’hontas

            Beef on Wek!

          • OutOfOrbit

            you can handle it till the prozac arrives. it is from there till it starts working that’s gonna suck

          • OutOfOrbit

            P.S. the most.

          • Up In Smoke O’hontas

            *Pats shoulder*

    • OutOfOrbit

      fly paper — cheap & effective — also controls fly-away hair

      • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

        And watching the little fuckers so desperately, futilely struggle to get away!

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Yeah, well look on the bright side. I don’t think Syracuse is a primary target for an ICBM.

    • redblack
    • Paul

      Holly was in the tub with a candle and a glass of wine when she sent that.

      Full disclosure. I’m just sayin’.

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      Congratulations, Lizzie. Cry all you need to. The move here to Maui nearly ended me.

    • SadDemInTex

      Get a Zap-it racket.

  • beingreleased

    Now, the roving gambler he was very bored
    Trying to create a next world war
    He found a promoter who nearly fell off the floor
    He said, “I never engaged in this kind of thing before
    But yes, I think it can be very easily done
    We’ll just put some bleachers out in the sun
    And have it on Highway 61.”

  • JoeChristmas

    Sounds better in the original German: Feuer und Blut

  • Marla

    Frankly Power? I haven’t seen him since high school.

    • puredog

      Frank Lee Power. Little-known serial killer.

      • mancityRed6

        isn’t that a sure sign? going by all three names?

  • Picabo

    Today in history, 1974.
    “In an evening televised address, President Richard M. Nixon announces his intention to become the first president in American history to resign. With impeachment proceedings underway against him for his involvement in the Watergate affair, Nixon was finally bowing to pressure from the public and Congress to leave the White House. “By taking this action,” he said in a solemn address from the Oval Office, “I hope that I will have hastened the start of the process of healing which is so desperately needed in America.”

    • biologydave

      Also, too, the first night game at Wrigley field August 8, 1988

      • mancityRed6

        yeah, but that was in the ’80s, wasn’t it? or did I just dream about WGN not showing my damn cartoons in the afternoon due to a baseball game?

        • biologydave

          I missed many a Flintstones episode as well. *sigh*

      • LucindathePook

        I have the t-shirt! It rained, though….

        • biologydave

          But the Cubbies beat the Mets 6-4 the following night

          • LucindathePook

            Mr. Pook wore that shirt first night we “did it.” First of many….

    • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

      Trump will just Tweet his resignation.

      • data_ninja

        “Screw you losers! I’m going to Russia where I’m appreciated! SAD!”

      • CripesAmighty

        Nope. The Park Rangers’ll have to peel his fingernails from the door frame as they drag him off the property.

    • AuntyMaude

      And I was there…Well not there there, but watching it on a tiny television in Palo Duro Canyon just before we went on to perform the musical drama Texas (I shit you not).

    • Holly

      I remember I was sitting at the dinner table and my mother (RNC personnel director at the time) I shit you not….was completely beside herself. I was 14 and I also remember thinking that my mother was on the wrong side of history. That’s the only time I have been disappointed in my mother.

  • armed_bears

    Absolutely nutz.

    If we weren’t watching Dr. Stangelove make North Korea seem like a rational adult, THIS shit would be the big story:

    http://www.nbcnews.com/politics/politics-news/report-trump-has-sent-greetings-robert-mueller-n790956

    Even as he has publicly criticized the special counsel in charge of the government’s investigation into Russia, President Donald Trump has used his lawyers to send more friendly private messages to the counsel’s office, USA Today reported Tuesday.

    Trump’s chief counsel John Dowd told the paper that Trump’s team has passed along messages of “appreciation and greetings” to special counsel Robert Mueller. Such overtures are seen as not very common.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      This, of course, is WHY we’re watching Strangelove 2.0. Distraction.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        I’d think they’d save the nuclear war distraction for when the indictments are coming out…. oh….

      • Claire

        I usually am not on the “distraction” train because I think Trump really just does do insane things for twenty hours a day, but yeah, this is pretty transparent. He’s going for the 2001 America that united under George Bush and “patriotically” repressed any criticism or dissent. Too bad 2001 was 16 years ago and most Americans learned a hard lesson about putting blind faith in the President just because someone bombed us.

        • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

          “MOST Americans”? God, I hope.

        • Three Finger Salute

          “most Americans learned a hard lesson about putting blind faith in the President just because someone bombed us”

          hahahahaha, you’re sweet, if they’d learned that lesson we wouldn’t even be having this conversation because Hair Dumpsterfuhrer would have been laughed out of the primaries the first week.

          • Claire

            Is it too late to change my comment to “Most Americans who still retain some reality contact and pattern-finding ability this far into the Great Stupiding”?

        • NorthernSaber

          Was thinking the same thing when I watched MSNBC breaking the new North Korea news today. Told my son- “If we’re seeing this much detail in open sources, it’s because we’re getting ready to whack North Korea.”
          We’ll see…

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Clever Good Cop, Bad Cop routine… but use it on the cops…

    • jesterpunk

      Dear Bob,

      Do you like me? Please check one box and pass the note back.

      Love

      Donnie 2 scoops.

      [ ] YES [] no

      • wait! what?

        Dear Bob,

        How much toilet paper do I need to bring with me to prison? I’m a nervous shitter.

        Yours in both Corinthians,

        Donnie 2 poops

        • jesterpunk

          PS

          Can I still have 2 scoops of ice cream in prison?

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      Hello, Mister Mueller? This is Don, Jon Mill-..uh, Donjon Mill-burger-fries, I am Mister Trump’s Greeting Card Secretary guy. Yes, Donjon Millburger-Fries. Have you heard of me? You probably have, I am really terrific at cards and greetings. Best wishes, and that. Did you get your greeting card with poloni- uh, polo- ponies? Great card, you know. Picked it out my- himself. He did. Mister Trump did. Great guy, by the way.

      Yes, sure, it had a sunflower on the front. That’s right. No, you see, I thought we should go with the polonies. Polo ponies- just ponies. But no, Mister Trump picked that flower one, instead. He’s so much smarter than everyone about that, even me, and I am great at it, if I might say so myself.

      Yeah, So Mister Trump thinks you should put that card right into your front pocket near your vital org- near your heart, because of the feelings and greetings work better that way. The warm warm terrific feelings Mister Trump wants you to have. He really is great. And that is why it might feel warm, is the radiation. Warm feelings, radiating. Ok, gotta go.

      Oh also, you don’t have any geiger counters around there, do you? Oh no reason, Just, you know, wondering if you were into them. Because I’d get your next card with one of them on it, sure! If you’re into that.

      Because this one might not do the job, people say. Of making you happy, very very happy. I want you to be happy, real big league happy. No, ‘big league’ it’s a common phrase, everyone uses it. Okay, best wishes, and things, warm things. To you. Uh huh.

      • Up In Smoke O’hontas

        *golf clap*

  • JoeChristmas

    Fuzzy and Furry!

  • aureolaborealis

    There’s a Reddit user going around taking over NSW subreddits and making them SFW. This was posted to r/wet_pussy yesterday:

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/aba9ee7e9a5d0fae54d638d19641c03dd611c36d7e380dfb9e128d7f5ec6bebe.jpg

    edit: The whole subreddit is SFW, btw.

  • Les Appentis De la résistance

    I thought Jared and Ivanka were a moderating influence but there they are next to him. Fuck them.

  • Nodrama4mama

    I would just like to know if he really is going to destroy the world, because I’ve been sticking to my diet and would hate to think I am wasting my last days on earth eating leafy greens 3x a day.

    • mancityRed6

      I live every day like it’s my last.
      which is why I’m on the balcony with whiskey and cigarettes, waiting for the pizza to get done in the oven.
      and cheezits.

      • BigCSouthside

        I’m with ya, just popped my third IPA, smoking cigs and eating brats

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          I usually just ask brats to knock it off and quiet down, but whatever works for you.

        • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

          Obnoxious children sauteed in garlic butter! Mmm, mmm, mmm!

      • SDGeoff3

        Trying out two pumpkin things from Coronado Brewing, local. Swore I’d never get into flavors, but sometimes, 8.0% can make a very convincing argument.

        • mancityRed6

          I said the same thing about Night Train at one time.
          I had it at least once, just to be sure.
          flavored beer is still something I’m just so very nahhh about .

      • NorthernSaber

        The best part of that was the “and cheezits” tucked on at the end.

      • Raan

        You have me seriously considering Cheez-Its as a pizza topping.

        • mancityRed6

          I like to eat crunchy things with other things because I’m big on texture.
          yeah, they’d have to go under the cheese, otherwise they’d just fall off.

    • SDGeoff3

      Just head to In and Out and enjoy yourself.

      • Nodrama4mama

        I have never been to an In and Out. :(

        • SDGeoff3

          If you enjoy basic burgers, this is the place. They’re very good. I think they are mostly in California, but they’ve expanded to some other states.

    • NorthernSaber

      I think the apocalyptic stuff us getting to me- I skipped my training ride today (ok, had a nasty headache), had a milkshake at dinner, and am seriously reconsidering 20 years of nearly-saintly tee-totalling and generally clean living. If we are “waiting for the Big One” again (grew up in the 70s-80s) I think I need some sin…

    • Three Finger Salute

      Me too. The Marie Osmond program is getting expensive, and if we’re all going to die anyway, I might as well quit it and go back to eating comfort food. I really have no other sources of happiness in my life otherwise.

  • Paperless Tiger

    Some history: Saddam Hussein agreed to end his nuclear program. His country was invaded and he was executed. Muammar Gaddafi agreed to end his nuclear program. His country was invaded and he was executed. Kim Jong-un won’t give his up. Gee, I wonder why?

    • mancityRed6

      he’s just as delusional and egotistic as tRump?

    • Joe Beese

      Yeah, that blows… how our wars of aggression in Iraq and Libya are coming back on us like this.

      Is there a term for that?

      • WotsAllThisThen

        It does blow, and there’s a word for that, it’s all coming back to me now… Backdraft?

        • wait! what?

          You just couldn’t let that Celine Dion song die, could you?

      • SDGeoff3

        oops?

      • OutOfOrbit

        regurgitation?

      • biologydave

        Fucked up?

      • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

        Halliburton needs more money?

    • Three Finger Salute

      “Nuclear disarmament for thee but none for me.”

      Israel has nukes too, but they get a free pass because what about Hitler. And yet Orange Hitler’s son-in-law is BFFs with Bibi.

  • persistently_resistant_gayby
  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    Who is Frank Lee, and what are his secret powers??

    • Doug Langley

      He’s Stan Lee’s identical twin brother.

  • Moebym Reborn

    Humans haven’t changed much in millions of years of evolution; the only thing that has advanced over time is our ability to find ever more advanced ways to destroy each other for money, sex, power, and natural resources. All that brain power in that huge cranium, wasted on destruction instead of spent advancing humanity’s knowledge and understanding.

    Another thing that has me disgusted is the needless drama that seems to spread like a bacterial infection in every single community, on and off-line, that I’ve ever participated in or observed for any length of time. Just fucking cut it out. It’s tiresome. Life isn’t always a bouquet of roses, but do we really have to spread the misery around?

    • Beanz&Berryz

      There are some places and some communities that aren’t bad like that…

      • BearWithPreExistingVotes

        Right, but are there any that DO allow comments?

    • Three Finger Salute

      See below. Another user posted that teh kids are starting campus firebomb wars online over, of all things, “problematic” teen novels. In part, it’s this hysterical tone policing, navel-gazing identity politics crap that led to Trump, because people got tired of lives being ruined for reading The Outsiders or not being sufficiently outraged about meaningless pop-culture shit like boob jokes and an alleged dearth of intersectional diversity at the fucking Oscars. Horseshoe theory applies: Tumblr trolls are the ostensibly “liberal” equivalent of 4chan, and they both need to have their Interwebs privileges taken away until they grow up. If that’s indefinitely, then so be it.

      I’m sick of their bratty participation-trophy crap, which they’re also pulling on the Harris thread as we speak. Saying that they’d rather have another 4 years of Trump (which means 0 more years of the planet existing) because Harris said or did something bad, “problematic,” not “woke,” etc. (not sure what) a decade ago, and so she’s marked for life. They’re holding the political process hostage until they get their way — which means they won’t, ever, but nobody else will have even a partial victory, and that’s perfectly all right with them because BERNIE COULD HAVE WON.

      About the only thing I ever agreed with that Trump said is that we need to call in “really smart people” to find the off switch for the Internet. Which would also prevent him from tweeting us into nuclear war, and if an intentional Y2K had been done in 2000, it likely would have prevented Trump from ever seeing the interior of the White House except if he turned the tee vee to watch episodes of The West Wing. Fuck every last one of them.

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    watching icarus on netflix…very slow to start but becomes fucking nuts about 45 min in.

    • Ωbjectifier

      Great doc, watched it twice. Grigory needs to stay away from windows in high buildings.

  • Joe Beese
    • TootsStansbury

      I really didn’t need to see that.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      My first view of Jeff Sessions in a t-shirt…

    • mancityRed6

      I saw Black Sabbath last year, their last show in KC.
      even I wasn’t as excited as that guy.

      • OutOfOrbit

        i liked Deep Purple moar better

      • Joe Beese

        Yeah, but Black Sabbath’s material is older.

    • BigCSouthside

      Look, a pile of the dumb poor white folks the rich white folks would have gotten to fight that pesky civil war for them back in the 1860s.

      Wonder if they’ll like the Korean Peninsula

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      Something, something, draped in a flag and carrying a cross…
      I hope that broad’s glitter filled iPhone case starts to leak and totally ruins her manicure.*
      *cross checks noncomment with Commenting Rules for Radicals. Nods to self. Should be good…

    • ltmcdies

      I hope you live in the path of the radiation, old man…

    • Red Bird

      White hot rage

      • Three Finger Salute

        Not hot at all.

        • Red Bird

          Well you weren’t around back in 1940 when he was a fresh young thing.

  • ColumbusLib

    Dok, how do you know exactly what we need? All the kitties, please. THANKS!

  • hudson srinivasan

    i hope this OT thread. crazy day. like 12+ hours of trepidation prepping for a department wide talk. i hate those. not afraid of what i have done, just afraid that i cannot explain it well.

    anywho done is done with the mandatory crap. how do you a explain metric on a tensor of averaged vectors of Noun Phrases in simple terms?

    couple of people in the know said good job and asked deep questions. more than that relieved that will not be bothered for the rest of the year and can now can focus on actual work.

    • Incoming Ham

      I have no idea what you just said, but I’m proud of you.

      • hudson srinivasan

        thank you. you are very generous.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Have you considered using interpretive dance?

      Seriously, it sounds like it went well.

      • hudson srinivasan

        no no. i took sage advice by wonkette folks. no pretense. no jokes. nothing fancy. straight up message. i was comfortable. but don’t know if audience got it.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          Still, it sounds like you did a very good job. Congratulations!

          • hudson srinivasan

            thank you.

      • Bemused Australian

        Should have hired the ABC interpretive dance bandicoot.

        Edit: Bah, Disqus fail. Please imagine said bandicoot.

    • RobKanC

      Well, it’s like they say, you just have to be naked in front of them or something like that. That would help your speech.

    • Covfefe

      Are you an English major? Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        Ahem… *peers over glasses*

    • Doug Langley

      Do you have a Powerpoint version of that?

    • SheltonTodd

      Consider having a drumming circle instead.

    • persistently_resistant_gayby

      YAAAY – you did good, sri!

      It’s not easy to speak – but looks like you’ve nailed your task!

      • hudson srinivasan

        thank’s saar,

    • Steve Cole

      Good job, now please proceed w/completing the Interociter.

      • hudson srinivasan

        not even close. that requires knowledge and context. i just know how manipulate certain g(x)’s and their gradients to answer questions i want to be answered.

        • CindyinEncinitas

          Can you write the Lord’s Prayer on the head of a pin, though? I kid. I’m sure you dazzled them!

    • CindyinEncinitas

      I haz a impressed.

  • Keith Taylor

    Why are we all worrying about this unreal ridiculous stuff and not about the reptoid aliens? I just want to know …

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      We’re all numb with grief over Pizzagate and all those poor kids working on mars. Where’s you compassion, man?

    • wait! what?

      Won’t someone think of the Grays?

  • TootsStansbury

    So our “president” can’t do any better than to wave his tiny dick at another dick-waver. Fuck you, you stupid monkey and fuck your barbaric supporters.

    • redblack

      you obviously forgot to look at the kitties.

  • Joe Beese

    In case you’re like me and couldn’t find Guam on a map…

    https://damiandaily.files.wordpress.com/2014/07/guam-world-map.jpg

    • SDGeoff3

      Well, just imagine our surprise?

      • Joe Beese

        When God rolled my stats, all my points went to spelling rather than geography.

        • Three Finger Salute

          My points, unfortunately, went to verbal intelligence and almost an overdose of empathy, but none to math and certainly none to the economically-friendly trait of cutthroat sociopathy. Apparently I don’t systematize the Googleplex 2 gud, otherwise I’d have a really nice job making bank and not giving a shit if people didn’t like me, instead of, well, nothing. Maybe instead of Canada, I should move to Guam.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      It’s alot bigger than I thought…

    • Steve Cole

      Guam (give up and masturbate, where America’s day begins). Ladies, as long as there is a Guam (or Diego Garcia) I can promise you will be appreciated there.

      • Ωbjectifier

        DG has a lot of chickens tho.

  • CountryClubJihadi
    • persistently_resistant_gayby

      “So…… dinner?”

    • Joe Beese
    • Panika MCD

      daw!

    • CripesAmighty

      “Really? Seriously?”

      • CountryClubJihadi

        No. She gets that look listening to Erin Burnett’s voice no matter what Erin is actually saying.

        • CindyinEncinitas

          She’s crushing on a Money Honey???

    • good lord what a BEAUTY!

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    Well, my fellow Wonks, maybe it’s time for the “I’ve always loved you, you know” speech. Thank you all for pulling me back from the brink of despair, for sharing pics of your pets and funny memes and canned clam recipes (you monsters). Thank you for laughing at stupid crap I post and for upfisting my announcement when my grandson was born. Thank you for babby pictures and silly words like “babby” and for never letting the bastards get our little community down.
    And for everything else, to all of us, if we’ve been right and this is the end – thanks for being here with me during it.
    I’ll sign out for now with a picture of the indigo bunting, my favorite wild bird, apart from hummingbirds. There’s been a swarm of little hummers (see what I did there) outside my window today, and I saw an indigo bunting, too, so all in all it could be a worse day to die. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/0b7e5e9653b3a7fb42bdb8cf9879c45945b8b407719c0d2ce498f641d113703d.png

    • Beanz&Berryz

      We in our house all hummingbirds hummers too, but not everyone does… So once among other friends I mentioned seeing a hummer over by that bush over there and everyone went looking way more interested than birders who go looking…

    • Me not sure

      Our thanks back a millionfold.

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      You put it better than I would have. I might add a thanks (to you and all) for seeing me through impossibly rough times sitting in hospital waiting rooms and shitty days at work. Also too, sharing all the joys (like granbabbys and new puppies). I imagine we’ll have another few days together, but just in case, Internet hugs for all!!!

    • proudgrampa

      And just where do you think YOU’RE going???

    • Red Bird

      Cute bird.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Get your ass back here…right now!

    • WomanInThePersistence

      You know that you are loved here, right?

    • TootsStansbury

      This is hyperbolic flourish, yes? We ain’t dying and fuck everything, we will fight for that beautiful bunting as well. Right?

    • Ill-Advised

      Uhm, no. Not upfisting this one! I expect to see you bright and early tomorra morning with a wise-ass crack and a hummer picture, because some of the best parts of my life have been spent on Wonkette, and you’ll have to pry the keyboard from my radiantly carcinogenic hands–and until then, I expect to be swearing in good company at bad people. PEACE OUT!

    • Dazza

      I’ll see your Indigo Bunting – and raise you a Splendid Fairy Wren (from my home state in Oz). Good_Gawd_Yall, we’ll be here in the morning and “all shall be well and all manner of things shall be well” (Julian of Norwich in the 14th century)
      . https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/d46f4e12911e5d93eecaa00f546d1126a85c215c32426d75c15d0ff57f8389a0.jpg

  • Garbageman

    Of course, the most ass-chapping part of this whole day: Because Emperor Orangeboy (as always) must suck all oxygen out of the room, an American music icon died and it seems like the world has barely noticed . . . now, that really IS SAD . . . 1936 – 2017 . . . https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ah9_57dNA74

    • mancityRed6

      I saw that earlier.
      and just it case it doesn’t show up for anyone else:
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qoymGCDYzU

      • Garbageman

        Thanks. I guess you have to click over to YouTube for the other . . . dang!

        • mancityRed6

          oh, Tor, it happens to the best of us.

          • Garbageman

            Tor sad!

    • ltmcdies

      RIP Glen Campbell….and the days I spent listening to something called a “music station” on the “radio”

      it does amuse to think though there might be a generation of kids who have to google what the Glen is describing in this song

    • SisterArtemis

      *sigh*
      Wichita Lineman made me tear up as a child, and still does.
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qoymGCDYzU

      • Bmaccnm

        He was my dad’s favorite, and there were records and TV shows in abundance during my youth. I didn’t appreciate his musicianship until much later, but I, too, always tear up to “Wichita Lineman.”

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Did you see the doc about Glen and his descent into dementia? Pretty fucking heartbreaking. But even when he was no longer capable of remembering where he was, he could still flat-ass tear it up on the gee-tar.

    • TootsStansbury

      I saw this today and it made me sad. A bit of my childhood and he was very courageous in the face of his dementia. I was never a huge fan but he had a nice clear voice and he was in ‘True Grit’.

    • Red Bird

      :(

    • CindyinEncinitas

      That song used to make me cry my eyes out and I was a small child. It was just so sad to think of someone on a long, empty road all alone. I couldn’t handle it.

      • Garbageman

        It has great visualization . . . it’s been said the song has a cinematic quality . . .

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    File under: best case scenario.

    Wouldn’t be surprised that Kim will be taken out by his own generals. The plot against someone as ruthless as Hitler almost worked. That Kim has had to kill so many of his lieutenants is not necessarily a sign of strength, but as with Trump, of weakness.

    https://www.bloomberg.com/view/articles/2017-07-06/does-trump-understand-nuclear-game-theory

    • Joe Beese

      But you have to admit, executing them with an anti-aircraft gun shows style.

  • Joe Beese
  • HazooToo
  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    I’m back with a question: why are we talking about Guam? Is it a “did happen” or a “could happen” situation?

    • jesterpunk

      Could happen. Lil Kim doesn’t have the endurance to make it to the US and can only shoot his load a short distance.

      • theCryptofishist

        Guam is not a short distance from North Korea.

        • jesterpunk

          Shorter then the US mainland.

    • mackafritz

      Guam has our strategic bombers. NK is talking about a show of force.

      • Reximus

        They’ll never do this, it gives Drumpy a retaliatory free pass.

  • janecita

    I have to say, after listening to my ten year old son, talk for a full hour, nonstop, about space, I would gladly welcome the sweet release of death.

    • I see a book on physics on his wish list!

      • janecita

        He has wanted to be an astrophysicist since he was five years old, I blame Neil deGrasse Tyson.

        • proudgrampa

          Oh, c’mon! That is SO cool!!!

          • janecita

            He is a total nerd, he is awesome.

          • proudgrampa

            I love him already!

          • Penny Dreadful Says Cats

            Yeah I have one too. He believes he may be Newton, reincarnated. So we have to work a little on the woo-woo, but we’re starting from a good place.

          • janecita

            That’s hilarious!

        • Just thank him instead.

          • janecita

            I really should.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Well, consider yourself lucky he doesn’t want to be a musician. Then you’d be supporting him for the rest of your life.

          • janecita

            Unless your son happens to be the next Bruce Springsteen. Mine isn’t musically inclined though.

          • CindyinEncinitas
        • Sedagive ’em Hell

          Awww. I wanted to be an astrophysicist when I was a wee tot.

          Totally Carl Sagan’s fault.

        • CindyinEncinitas

          God bless him!

    • Joe Beese

      In space, no one can hear you talk about space.

    • hudson srinivasan

      janecita!!! no.

    • Penny Dreadful Says Cats

      Sister!

    • CindyinEncinitas

      I would be in raptures if my kid liked space.

      • janecita

        What does he like?

        • CindyinEncinitas

          Music. He’s a talented guitar player and he’s also a talented painter. He works in oils and he does portraiture.

          • janecita

            See, I wish that mine was a little bit more artistic. He hates his art and music classes with a passion.

          • CindyinEncinitas

            Grass is always greener, I guess. But we love the little monsters anyway.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    There was an article in The Guardian this morning about various “important” Republicans beginning to voice displeasure about Trump. It was actually pretty fucking pathetic. Their first-and most disparaging-observation is not that’s he’s a malignant sociopath on the verge of destroying this democracy in this country and incinerating the planet, but that he isn’t a True Conservative. They see Trump as an aberration, not the perfectly logical and very predictable result of 30 years of Republican dogwhistle politics and the right wing hate machine…that there is some mythical “real Republican” party out there that is kind, compassionate, non-racist, smart, sane, and principled. These motherfuckers are sadder than the idiots who spend their lives looking for Bigfoot…typical of the party of Personal Responsibility. Trump is your baby, dickheads; you created him, you pimped him, and you elected him. Now do something about him or STFU.

    • Me not sure

      Amen, brother!

    • They’re fucking crazy… with not even a toe in the water of reality. Demented, the lot of them.

    • Joe Beese

      Conservatism can never fail. It can only be failed.

      • yyyaz

        The insanity of that equation never fails to make me shake my head. smh.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        Hoo boy, that’s rich.

    • DrBigHead

      They will do nothing until they stack the Supreme Court, push through massive tax cuts, and ensure that as few minorities as possible are able to vote. If they get these, it won’t matter to them that they will be governing a post-apocalyptic wasteland

    • wait! what?
    • Three Finger Salute

      They don’t even hate Hitler for being a racist genocider.

      They hate him because he’s a goddamn commie (National “Socialism”) who took everyone’s guns away.

      I mean, when Hitler doesn’t pass your purity test, is there anywhere else to go?

    • hudson srinivasan

      well said.

    • Penny Dreadful Says Cats

      I said this evening – with a sad chuckle – that if the GOP were smart (hah!) they would run the most centrist, likeable, female candidate they could find in 2020.

      My partner replied, “But then they would have to change their entire platform”

      When we got together nearly 20 years ago, he was more or less a Republican. Now he considers himself left of the Dems. And he doesn’t feel he’s changed his position much.

      I haven’t even had that much wine and I still have no clue what I’m trying to say here. Just, sleep well. Keep hope alive. Never give up, never surrender. And kittens.

      • Three Finger Salute

        He didn’t leave the Republican party. The Republican party left him.

  • janecita

    I just listened to this song in the car, and remembered that I used to like it.

    https://youtu.be/9SSUQxGjZZ4

  • anon_the_great

    It’s OK. The military officers of the soft coup won’t let the fat man do shit.

  • Thiazin Red

    JFC, I’m going to be in this microscope room all night because the master’s student I’m working with didn’t get certified to use it by herself. We’ve been here three hours now and shes half done.

    • Raan

      I really hope that’s an electron microscope.

      • Thiazin Red

        Its not, we’re at the live cell imaging confocal. I kind of miss the old electron microscope from grad school. It had real film negatives.

    • hudson srinivasan

      for the luv of science ya.

  • orygoon

    Fox News tonight: Really, Does Anybody Care If Trump Starts A Nuclear War?

    • persistently_resistant_gayby

      Next up – “how Plutonium can spice up your sexxx life”…

      • proudgrampa

        Woot!

    • Three Finger Salute

      If so, I can’t imagine why
      He doesn’t care if we all die…

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      ‘Cause, her emails.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        Oh, there you are. Come on in, we’re doing end of the world songs and shit. I’m sure you’ve got a good one around somewhere…

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          We do a great cover of the Louvin Bros “Great Atomic Power”.

          Are you ready for that great atomic power
          Will you rise and meet your Savior in the air
          Will you shout or will you cry when the fire rains from on high
          Are you ready for that great atomic power

          • CindyinEncinitas

            OMG. That’ll certainly do. I’m properly terrified and clinging to a can of peaches now.

    • Sedagive ’em Hell

      Great Conflagration, or the Greatest Conflagration?

  • Panika MCD

    making an album of fight songs (“Fight Song” is already in another album so leave it). strangely enough, this was my SWTW fight song. any suggestions?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z3cp8LERM70

    • alpacapunchbowl
    • Three Finger Salute
      • CindyinEncinitas

        I always wanted to get this on a t-shirt for my ex brother-in-law, the anesthesiologist. Wouldn’t you love to see him walk in for your surgical consult with it on?

        • Three Finger Salute

          LOL. That’d be… interesting, to be sure. I’m sure it’s for sale someplace, or you can make your own on Zazzle or with one of those Avery iron-on transfer kits from Staples/OfficeMax. All you do is print the text backwards on a regular printer, peel it back and iron it onto any regular T-shirt in his size.

          But I always think of it as the Justin Trudeau anthem from now on. “Maggie said knock you out”! I could probably put together a montage of this song with clips from his boxing match and the now memorable Trump handshake, but would have nowhere to share it, because no way am I going to wade into the Roman Colosseum hate swamp that is YouTube.

          I mean, boy, is that website cancer. Does Google ever think for a minute that the brogrammer they just fired probably copied his Tech Kaczynski manifesto from YouTube comments and that maybe they should do something about this?

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      What can I say? 80’s power ballads are good for this.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A52–FKUQgU

      • Panika MCD

        nope. not for these fights.

    • mackafritz
      • Panika MCD

        NO.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          I kinda like Tubthumping. But here’s another Chumbawamba song that might work for you.

          https://youtu.be/BH9kha55VTc

          • Panika MCD

            I kinda hate Chumbawamba.

          • wait! what?

            Aw. Ya gotta give “Farewell to the Crown” a wee bit of a listen.

            https://youtu.be/PJlmZLHNFAE

          • Panika MCD

            no I don’t.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Fair enough. I rather like them. And their album of English Rebel Songs is awesome. Ymmv, of course.

    • wait! what?

      If Prince was still alive he could do an instrumental called “When Valkyries Cry.”

    • janecita
  • BigCSouthside

    I think I’m gonna come down with a mysterious sudden onset “stomach virus” at about 6 am tomorrow and go fly fishing instead of work. I like this plan

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      Could be your last chance. Probably not, but you never know.

  • Joe Beese
    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Oh, *now* they want to do their jobs?

      • Joe Beese

        That horse has left the barn, the barn has burned down, the farmer got fired from Walmart, and then he died of a fentanyl overdose.

        • yyyaz

          But he still had his MAGA hat on when he wheezed his last breath.

    • Reximus

      But not if the NorKs shoot first, which means they wont

  • HazooToo

    Alright, I can’t sit here and think about this anymore. I’m going to play a game where this is all made-up and can’t hurt me. I’ll check in with you guys before bed. See you later.

    • Panika MCD

      Assassin’s Creed?

      • HazooToo

        Fallout 3. I know. But it helps.

    • Thiazin Red

      Animal Crossing, nothing bad happens in Animal Crossing. Set the date to Christmas or Cherry blossom festival for maximum nothing bad can happen.

  • Bemused Australian

    Sad reality check. The only thing Kim can destroy is Seoul. The immense amount of conventional artillery sitting just the other side of the DMZ is North Korea’s actual counter-threat to military action. The US isn’t under threat. Under normal circumstances, this would be a situation where a US president wouldn’t act due to the high potential cost. Trump, on the other hand, may not give a shit about that price, assuming he even understands it.

    • Jennifer R

      How fast do you think conventional artillery fires? How long do you think it takes to zero in on it? How much do you think they have that can actually *reach* Seoul?

      • Left Coast Tom

        Seoul is extremely close to the border.

        • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

          One hour by really old bus. I lived at just south of the DMZ for a year in 1976 and we’d take the ancient buses to Seoul once a month for a big shopping extravaganza at the big Commissary there.

        • Jennifer R

          The effective range for most of their artillery is shorter.

      • Rick Hill

        This is all they’ve built up for the last 70 years or so. They are dug in deep. I would not doubt they are also targeting our ships in the region and maybe just a city or two in Japan.

        • Jennifer R

          WIth *artillery*? Do you think they have Big Bertha on a railway somewhere? 2/3 of their hardware can’t hit Seoul period due to it being out the effective range of the piece.

      • Bemused Australian

        Seoul is right next to the DMZ. The artillery, thousands of pieces, is about 30km away, emplaced, and ready to be used. It’s a permanent fixture, not a theoretical capability.

        • Jennifer R

          I know how close Seoul is, that isn’t the question. I asked specific questions about your idea of the realities of firing artillery. This isn’t some chess game where rock beats scissors and pieces instantly go away.

          • Bemused Australian

            Unless it can be all or mostly wiped out with no warning it’s only got to fire once. I’ll dig up an article on the situation if you like.

          • Jennifer R

            So let’s talk about if every piece of theirs that can hit Seoul fired (that is about a third or less of their hardware) at the same time, and extrapolating the performance out of this specific aged and ill maintained hardware from the performance of their other aged and ill maintained hardware. You tell me what you think that does. Cause it sounds to me you think artillery pieces level neighborhoods each.

          • Bemused Australian

            If you’re right, invading North Korea might actually be a good idea. I hope Trump’s advisers aren’t as blase about the threat.

          • Jennifer R

            Oh don’t take that idea from my statement please. I just want to cool people getting worried that NK could level a city with building codes that take into account it lives next to a bellicose neighbor, with mostly aging and out of spec hardware.

            Counter value fire is a really bad use of your most valuable hardware when your most valuable hardware is the only card in your hand at all.

          • Bemused Australian

            From a strategic standpoint, their only card, historically, has been the artillery pointed at Seoul. That’s it. Not nukes. Not missiles. Artillery. It’s there to create a threat of unacceptable consequences if North Korea is attacked. It isn’t for winning a war with the US, it’s a big fat gun pointed at civilians.

          • Jennifer R

            Which is why using it is bad. We would know where it is, and could wipe every piece off in less than an hour. The whole point is we don’t want *any* casualties if we can avoid it, because then that bubbles over into a bigger thing.

          • Bemused Australian

            You already know where all of it is. That’s the point. And it could be wiped out in an hour. It’s the cost prior to that happening which is the issue.

          • Jennifer R

            We don’t though. We really don’t know where their artillery placements are. Not in fine enough detail to hit them all in some action film alpha strike.

          • Bemused Australian

            Anyways. Could be that what I think I know about this is wrong. Irrespective, it looms large in both the tactical and strategic calculus about military engagement with NK. Hopefully we won’t find out the hard way.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Lawrence Wilkerson says that the best case scenario would be hundreds of thousands of casualties.

          • Jennifer R

            Really? Outside of a nuke being fired I hear the number is in the four digit thousands. Most of Seoul isn’t inside artillery range.

        • DrBigHead

          I cannot find the citation, so take this with a grain of salt, but I recall reading an analysis that said if a conventional war breaks out, the North could not win, but Seoul would fall. This was from reasoned professionals, not a group of alarmists (although I don’t see how you could even think about that possibility and not be alarmed).

          • Bemused Australian

            That’s the scenario which Korea experts I know have given me. The artillery pointed at Seoul is to make the cost of initiating a conflict unacceptable, as they couldn’t actually win. At the point where some lunatic decides that the cost is acceptable, no more stalemate.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            It’s a form of the “mutual assured destruction” scenario. “How much is it worth to you to take us out?”.

          • Bemused Australian

            Exactly. It’s a nuke substitute, and one that’s been effective.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        The story is that NK has alot (thousands) of big guns in range of Seoul and dug into hard rock…

        • Jennifer R

          Big gun translates to 20km range in most case, which isn’t even the northern suburbs.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            So I see… well.. maybe Seoul isn’t all that vulnerable after all…

            http://nationalinterest.org/blog/the-buzz/could-north-korea-annihilate-seoul-its-artillery-20345

          • Jennifer R

            Like I said downstairs, we don’t want *any* casualties because then that could very well bubble over to a bigger war again (the likelihood of this has varied over the years but really seoul being seriously hit would be a reheating of hostilities). Just getting worried that NK could total Seoul in the ~hour or less it would take to destroy all their positions is stress that doesn’t help people.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            Good things to know and understand… Thanks

          • Beanz&Berryz

            Unless they spend a nuke there… not that that makes a lick of strategic sense…

          • Bemused Australian

            They don’t have nukes small (physically) enough to attach to a missile.

          • Jennifer R

            Yeah I mean, at that point who the fuck knows. It’s such a bad move that hopefully senior NK leadership knows that and would kill Kim, because maybe being executed is better than being for sure dying from atomic war.

          • Reximus

            They have rockets…lots of em

          • Jennifer R

            We can count their rocket horde, which are limited by their age, the age of the warheads, the age of the fuel (a BIG issue) and that many of them are limited to firing from conventional fixed platforms.

          • Jennifer R

            Because I am replying from the side panel you get two reply: Even from mobile launchers it takes a *lot* of time to stage and launch.

      • georgiaburning

        Assume the North Koreans are doing their job, and GPS coordinates for much of Seoul are already translated into targeting information for their artillery. They have several hundred pieces capable of hitting the city from their side of the DMZ. US and South Korean forces would act to suppress the fire as quickly as possible but quite a few civilians would die or be injured in the exchange. Seoul changed hands four times during the 1950-51 war, and was almost completely destroyed.

        • DrBigHead

          Today there are also 4000+ tanks on each side of the DMZ. Now granted the US models are likely technologically superior, but at some point sheer numbers take their toll

          • georgiaburning

            Hey, I’ve been there. Using your numbers, even killing 90% of the KPA tanks means a few hundred get through.
            The term “DeMilitarized Zone” is a really bad joke. Just beyond the 2.5 mile strip centered on the border it’s one of the most intensely fortified areas in the world.

          • DrBigHead

            I guess my point is that any full-blown conflict will be devastation for the Korean Peninsula, as you undoubtedly saw first hand. Don’t need nukes for a full blown shit show.

          • NorthernSaber

            I think that’s the optics they’re looking for. They need simply create the impression that war with them = massive devastation for at least Seoul, if not an outright invasion. They don’t need to get all the way to Pusan this time- most of the economic targets are near Seoul- and are banking on a sort of MAD doctrine to protect them (“if you strike us your economy burns and we will put millions of panicked people on your roads, which will delay the Americans striking us”). But here’s the paradox- any use of their limited nuclear arsenal would likely bring about a non-lineal response from us, ending DPRK as an entity. So they’ve miniaturuzed a couple of nukes- I don’t think they can ever use them.

          • georgiaburning

            I only saw the pictures of the war, I came much later. Korea is packed, imagine the combined population of the three Pacific coast states packed into an area a little smaller than Kentucky. Over half the population live in or near Seoul. The US 2nd Infantry division is based just south of the DMZ and north of Seoul. Less than 50 miles south of the city is Osan Air Base. North Korea can’t win a war but they can do a lot of damage.

      • Occupied Territory of Kavefish

        Here’s a podcast from the BBC World News series, “The Inquiry” that might be of interest. (it’ll require about 24 minutes of your day to get thru):

        “What Would War With North Korea Look Like?”

        http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p05951pc

    • Rick Hill

      If someone else pays the price and he gets the benefit, that’s trumps viewpoint

      • Bemused Australian

        That’s what’s scary. Also that he may not understand that there’s no way to prevent the reaction.

  • Willert

    for whatever reason this song sprang into my mind
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3EAxm50p5JA

  • yyyaz

    “Fire and fury the likes of which the world has never seen.” We must have some kind of magic ion- or anti-matter cannon to meet that criterion. Or else Dampnut has never seen footage of thermonuclear tests.

    • mackafritz

      Photon torpedoes.

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      Or Hiroshima. Or Nagasaki. Or Chernobyl.

    • Reximus

      he plagiarized Truman too, which means it was a canned remark

      • yyyaz

        I should have known. There is nothing the Shitgibbon wouldn’t steal given the opportunity.

      • Three Finger Salute

        What else is new. This maladministration is The Truman Show anyway.

  • persistently_resistant_gayby

    OT: I was getting worried that I might’ve scared/bored Cute Gay Guy into oblivion when he wasn’t responding to my messages.

    But he is and all is right with the world and his face and his eyes and his smile and his eyes and his hair

    However, my main concern is to ask him out to a pub with me. I need to get my one other friend with me on this, and its taking more planning than my finals preparation

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      Breathe deep and imagine that he’s got the butterflies too!

      • persistently_resistant_gayby

        I really want to imagine that…

        But he’s far too sexxxxy than me, so I might be out of my league.

        • Komsumverweigerer Ron

          Keep this in mind: he might be thinking the same thing about YOU.

  • george lastrapes

    Just watched a clip of Keighleigh McNeighneigh singing the praises of Our Dear Leader. Thought I’d snark ‘n’ snicker but I fidgeted ‘n’ feared. Turned it off after less than a minute, and thanked my lucky stars because in NKorea I probably couldn’t turn it off. Now that can’t happen here, can it?

    • persistently_resistant_gayby

      Ha ha ha – state TV more real-er than ever.

    • BigCSouthside

      Surprised Harvard hasn’t disavowed her

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      Ask Sinclair Lewis circa 1935.

  • CindyinEncinitas
    • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

      We need to give medals for keeping us OUT of war.

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        ‘Old soldiers never die, just young ones.’ – Marg Delahuntie, This Hour Has 22 Minutes

  • Ωbjectifier

    The ice age is coming, the sun’s zoomin’ in
    Engines stop running, the wheat is growin’ thin
    A nuclear error, but I have no fear
    Cause London is drowning, I, I live by the river

  • theCryptofishist
  • mailman27

    If this doesn’t get Hillary Mantel off of her butt to finish the third Thomas Cromwell novel, nothing will. Come on, write the acknowledgements and get this show on the road!! We haven’t got all week.

    • Three Finger Salute

      George R.R. Martin is like “fuck it” and just settled in for a long winter’s nap.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        Winter is here?

        • Three Finger Salute

          Actually, I think George has been sleeping ever since Hallmark did their “Christmas in July” movie marathon.

      • ltmcdies

        I’d settle for one of his damn blog posts telling us Hot Pie ascends the Iron Throne

    • Thiazin Red

      Its weird, because I know what happens, but at the same time I really want to read what happens.

      • i want to read how hillary mantel’s thomas cromwell sees it happening.

    • thanks for the important perspective.

  • persistently_resistant_gayby

    https://twitter.com/hillaryclinton/status/780595314210267137

    NEXT TIME, LISTEN TO THE SMART AND COMPASSIONATE RED LADY ON THE RIGHT.

  • spangled

    it’s times like these where i am glad that i read the news instead of watching it.

    tv news reporters get so excited by potential wartime coverage that they gin up all sorts of crazy anxiety-inducing speculation. everybody just take a breath.

  • Panika MCD

    okay, good Crom, if you’re not going to pay attention to what’s happening in TX right now, you should pay attention to what’s going on in your own states:

    https://www.texasobserver.org/texas-war-local-control/

    “Three other states — Georgia, Indiana and Mississippi — all passed “sanctuary” legislation this year, and at least 21 bills were filed in states around the country, according to Michael Bare, a policy analyst with Grassroots Change, a nonprofit that tracks pre-emption legislation. They were part of at least 140 total pre-emption bills filed this year, Bare said.”

    and

    “In Missouri and Iowa this year, governors signed laws that would undo minimum wage increases passed by cities, catapulting workers back into poverty. Last year, Ohio managed to pre-empt wage hikes before Cleveland could pass one, and Arizona signed a law to deprive cities of essential funding if they’re found in conflict with any state laws.”

    by the by, we found out on the floor today that, should the ban on private insurance companies including abortion coverage in their basic ACA marketplace plans go through, it will be the 11th state to do so. and it’s still super shitty*.
    https://www.texastribune.org/2017/08/08/texas-house-abortion-insurance/

    *this is one of the only ones that is identical to its Senate companion. most of the others are conservative enough to pass the House, but liberal enough to force them to die in conference committees over the next week.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      ALEC is very busy. Gotta teach them liberal cities who’s boss.

      • Panika MCD

        we also have Empower Texans which, given they have all the racist splinter groups, will find their way into your state, too.

        • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

          Thanks for the heads up.

          • Panika MCD

            this is the face you will want to punch. resist the urge and punch it with votes.

            https://www.austinchronicle.com/binary/2cca/pols_feature24.jpg

          • snigsy

            He looks like he belongs in a second-rate sitcom. The smug co-worker, or some such role.

          • Komsumverweigerer Ron

            The one who always loses at the end of the episode but learns nothing.

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      Best wishes for you and your liver as you carry on the indispensable work of jouranisming! These fuck sticks…I just can’t anymore. I donated to the National Abortion Federation and the local Womens Medical Fund today.
      Now, if I could only finds Doug’s Go Fund Me while my wallet is handy…

      • Panika MCD

        I’m totally terrified of this next election cycle. people are so busy paying attention to Tsarina Short Fingers most recent Twatter post that they don’t notice that their local governments are being torn apart. who’s going to be left to save us in the case of nuclear war if all it takes is being a figurehead to hold local office since skills won’t fucking matter soon?

        srsly. there are 200 people filed as Ds in 25 TX elections for congress critters, but no one’s filing for state offices. it’s total shit.

        and the consistent relitigation of the primaries along with what’s going on in this special session is starting to test my fucking loyalties.

  • Me not sure

    Guam. That should tell us something about the degree of confidence that Kim has in his systems. Guam is a rich military target, if not on alert, but many of the assets there are capable of being put out of harm’s way on relatively short notice. North Korea is little more than a large family run criminal enterprise. I see this as a huge dick measuring contest. Kim won’t put his dynasty to risk on a crazy whim.

    • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

      “a large family run criminal enterprise” you say? Sounds familiar.

      • Me not sure

        Exactly. The difference is that Kim is more rational with a longer term view.

        • Komsumverweigerer Ron

          And isn’t beholden to the kind of people who will happily carve him up over a $20 debt.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    Why don’t these two fat shit imbeciles just meet and have a dick measuring contest followed by a slap fight?

    • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

      Don’t forget the tweezers!

  • Granny Sprinkles

    This is Magnus. He doesn’t know much about fire and fury, but he does know a great place to nap while he waits for dinner! https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/be712b5e018e37a07b9e17694b120920af358e9499dde2f138808bae9fc4fb61.jpg

    • WomanInThePersistence

      That’s just cute as hell.

    • janecita

      Magnus is so adorable!

    • Joe Beese

      He wasn’t edible enough? He has to sit in a food bowl?

    • Thiazin Red

      He is too cute.

      Ugh, my cats are somehow too stupid to eat out of bowls. I have to serve them on bread plates.

      • jowgajen

        It’s actually sensitive whiskers. Some cats can’t handle the edges of the bowl fucking with their whiskers over and over. So, they prefer plates or very wide bowls.

        • Thiazin Red

          Interesting. i hadn’t heard of that.

        • Ms.MLG on Maui

          I didn’t know that. Good to know.

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      “Bowlz iz Fer peekin’ from. You guys are doing it wrong.”
      ~Magnus

    • WIDTAP

      Please do not feed the cat to the dog.

      • Granny Sprinkles

        Magnus has three doggo siblings who love him very much and will not eat him.

    • hudson srinivasan

      smart kitty.

    • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

      Those eyes!

  • Joe Beese

    Breaking: Robert Mueller is rich.

    Therefore he must be fired.

    • WIDTAP

      Maybe that is why Trump is now sending Mueller love notes via his lawyers.

    • Panika MCD

      Tsarina Von Clownstick says he’s rich. can he be fired?

    • jowgajen

      God forbid someone should be ethical, smart and successful.

    • jesterpunk

      Wait a second I heard some guy say rich people are great and you shouldn’t hire the poor. Who was that asshole who said that? His base agreed with him that rich people are smart too.

      http://www.bbc.com/news/business-40375970

      Mr Trump said his wealthy appointees, such as Secretary of Commerce Wilbur Ross (net worth: $2.5bn £2bn), had “brilliant business minds”.

      “That’s what we need,” he said at an Iowa rally. “And I love all people, rich or poor.

      “But in those particular positions, I just don’t want a poor person. Does that make sense?”

  • Rick Hill

    Anyone read Snowcrash? Well, now there is an ex FBI agent telling us how Russian bots are hacking trump’s brain

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Trump has a brain? Who knew?

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        It’s in there somewhere. Otherwise there’d be an echo when he talked.

        • WIDTAP

          Nonsense. Trump is full of other stuff to dampen the echo.

          • Left Coast Tom

            Shit?

          • WIDTAP

            “Full of shit.” Did you ever hear that expression? I just invented it!

          • proudgrampa

            And a lot of people don’t know this, but shit’s been around for a long time!

          • WIDTAP

            Who knew that shitting would be so difficult.

          • Rick Hill

            Fat. Lots and lots of it. Courtesy of McD, KFC…

      • Rick Hill

        Of course. Not that it’s a good brain. Certainly not one of the best brains…..

    • ltmcdies

      Can’t imagine there’s much to work with

    • proudgrampa

      One of Stephenson’s best…

    • Thiazin Red

      Parts of it were funny, but the overall premise just made me angry because the brain does not work like that.

      • Rick Hill

        And yet, here we are with trump being controlled like he is infected with a computer virus

        • Three Finger Salute

          Win32.Covficker

    • redblack

      yep! interface might be more appropriate, though.

      iirc, the snow crash virus just makes you go “fa-la-ba-la-duh-derp” and scrambles all your neurons.

      oh. i see what you’re getting at…

    • Notreelyhelping

      “Your call cannot go through at this time. Retry your call or….”

    • TootsStansbury

      I did, and yes, it’s come to mind.

  • proudgrampa

    Sad.

    A paraplegic learns to walk again, and the world gets destroyed…

    https://youtu.be/bISIrij7zAw

    • Me not sure
    • Joe Beese

      I once dropped acid to watch Strangelove in a revival house. (Back when there were such things.)

      Intense.

      • proudgrampa

        I’ve done that, man! Well, with pot. And it was 2001: Space Odyssey.

        • Courser_Resistance

          I saw Close Encounters of the Third Kinds, stoned as fuck. It was pretty scary.

          • Notreelyhelping

            Raiders of the Lost Ark was a funhouse ride on hash. Look out for the boulder!

          • Joe Beese

            I also dropped acid for Roger Rabbit.

            Not smart.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1D9v0dfa6AI

          • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

            The first time I saw the Teletubbies I was tripping! It was intense!

          • TootsStansbury

            Have a beloved sister who had to be removed from the theater during the Toontown intro and Yosemite Sam yelling about his burning biscuits.

        • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

          Double feature 2001 and Man Who Fell To Earth. Now that was interesting.

          • proudgrampa

            Wow! That must have been a heckuva night!

      • NorthernSaber

        Jeebus- what was that whiplash of an ending like while tripping? I saw Pink Floyd’s “The Wall” the weekend I turned 19 at a music college in Boston back in the 80s. Apparently I got my money’s worth…

  • Sean McLaren
  • Everrett Fanuelli

    Trump feels this is a critical decision as he believes the world’s supply of gum is in Guam.

  • AuntyMaude

    Is there NOTHING kittens can’t cure?

    • Rick Hill

      Allergies? The heartbreak of psoriasis? Halitosis?

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Radiation poisoning?

      • Rick Hill

        NO, I’m pretty sure I read that you can dip a kitten in kerosene and rub it on your body to counter the effects of radiation poisoning.

      • AuntyMaude

        I should have been more specific. Is there NO SORROW that kittens can’t cure?

    • proudgrampa

      Allergy to cats?

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      No. There is nothing kittens can’t cure.

      • AuntyMaude

        Thank you.

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    Leaving Bar Lunchador. Headed to cat film festival!

  • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

    I just got a downloading warning from my ISP and I can’t think what it could have been for other than the last episode of Twin Peaks. I didn’t get any warnings for the previous 12 episodes. There’s 5 episodes to go!

    • I get mine for GoT. But someone must be hacking me because i would NEVER download things

      • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

        How many times do they warn you? I thought I heard it was six, I’m at 4 or 5 already.

  • Rick Hill

    You know….it’s been awhile since Rick Hill has cracked a bottle of Two Fingers. Maybe self should give it a try again. Maybe even do something radical and not drink half a bottle in a sitting….
    https://img-9gag-fun.9cache.com/photo/ad9LMPN_700b.jpg

    • yyyaz

      1 tequila, 2 tequilas,
      3 tequilas, 4,
      5 tequilas, 6 tequilas …
      Fuck you, I want some more!

    • proudgrampa

      One tequila
      Two tequila
      Three tequila
      Floor!

      • Rick Hill

        You know, actually, of all the alchohol families, the tequila branch has caused the least actions with negative repercussions. Now, whiskey, oth….

  • Raan

    I’m pretty sure someone downthread beat me to the punch, but if no one did, I’m disappointed with all of you.

    https://youtu.be/Z0GFRcFm-aY

  • Panika MCD

    dear Georgians, Indianans, Mississippians, Missourians, Iowans, Ohioans and whoever else make up the 10 shitty states that passed this abortion measure before now:

    read. this. now.

    https://www.texasobserver.org/texas-war-local-control/

    and, just so we’re clear, until you’re sure you don’t have this on the books (there’s ten of you, TEN), you should read the TX stories I post:
    https://www.texastribune.org/2017/08/08/texas-house-abortion-insurance/

    • yyyaz

      Had to check to see whether the abominables in the desert have done this too, but the first link sent me to a cartoon. ? The second ‘splains the