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Oh, hi there, Wonkers! We have many newses today, and we can’t want to share them with you. Here’s some of the things we may be talking about today.

CIA Director and Tea Party crazy Mike Pompeo is trying to force feed rank and file agents Trump love potions, but not everyone is drinking the Flavor-Aid.

An draft report on climate change leaked to the Times from 13 federal agencies says that we are currently experiencing climate change, and humans aren’t exactly helping. The Trump administration and the EPA declined to comment.

Big businesses in the finance and manufacturing sectors are beginning to get cold feet about investing until it’s clear whether or not Trump and congressional Republicans will actually start initiating tax cuts.

Instead of giving the steel and beef industries those deals he promised, Trump wants to accuse China of intellectual property theft and drop some tariffs on Not America. Nothing says negotiation like swallowing your own grenade.

Who are those super secret mystery businessmen Trump asked to write his deregulation policies? Some work for airlines and car companies, and the rest are, “components, not particular employees,” which we can only suppose is code for killbots.

There’s a reason why you’re suddenly being told to buy the expensive brand name pharamceuticals. To be fair, it’s not a good reason, but at least it’s an excuse.

The FDA wants you weirdos to stop having three-parent babies and go back to old fashioned one-on-one sexytimes like Jesus intended.

The slapfest between Trump and Sen. Richard Blumenthal probably won’t be the dumbest story you’ll read this morning; one of these men was a Marine reservist and one had foot ouchies.

Stephen Miller can spot a cosmopolitan elitist when he sees one. After all, Miller grew up in Santa Monica and now lives in a million dollar condo in one of the DC’s wealthiest neighborhoods that bills itself as “the new ideal for sophisticated, modern, urban living.”

Russian bots are beginning to target Paul Ryan with mean tweets right as he’s gets back to Wisconsin to hide from his constitents.

Trump is the most lying liar in the history of elected liars ever. BIG WIN!

Mar-a-Lago is barely meeting the legal hiring requirements so that it can “You’re Hired” a bunch of temp foreign workers from Not America, and as Trump said on the campaign trail, he’s “taking advantage of that.”

Trump’s base is falling out according to a new poll from CNN that is corroborated by a slew of new polls that show his disapproval ratings up around 60 percent. LOW RATINGS!

As Mike Pence runs around the world cleaning up after Trump, Republicans are quietly writing first drafts of “President Pence” fan fiction, unless you’re Frank Luntz who thinks, “that’s a thought experiment that gets you killed.”

Jeff Sessions is shocked and appalled that the people of Chicago could be so rude to him and rebuke his sanctuary city policies. Why, one gets the impression that the city of Chicago would rather drown in its own blood while giving him the finger than to roll over and beg for money.

College Park, MD, a suburb of Washington D.C., is considering allowing undocumented residents to vote in local elections because they think ILLEGAL people should have a voice in their own trash pick-up and snow removal.

The tale of “Nicole Mincey” is a weird rabbit hole that has ends with bootleg pro-Trump crap and identity theft, but starts with Trump’s twitter account.

Pat Robertson thinks there might be a conspiracy to get rid of Fox News and all its culture of grab-ass since they keep losing talent to sexual harassment claims. Bless ‘yer heart, old man.

Peter Thiel has been souring on Donald Trump; maybe he’ll use some of his megabucks to find the pee hooker tape?

According to some Fox News blowhard, having morals that don’t involve blasting off dick pics and stepping over people like an Ayn Rand novel makes you a fascist asshole.

And here’s your late night wrap-up! Stephen Colbert is freaked out about Eric Bolling fucking in his glass houseSeth Meyers took A Closer Look at Trump’s vacayThe Daily Show had Jordan Klepper explaining why it’s great that Not America can’t stand TrumpJames Corden noticed Trump celebrated his 200th day in office by not working.

And here’s your morning Nice Time! ROCK HYRAX BABIES!

How about this, you give us some Ameros, and we’ll give you some newses, Nice Times, and the occasional drinky thing? Deal?

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  • Nounverb911
  • Nounverb911
  • Nounverb911
    • Maclare, Local Milk Person 🍼

      The tire tracks are a nice touch.

  • Chyron HR

    Why are rock hyraxes always making the Dreamworks face?

  • Nounverb911
  • Elvis Causticfellow

    Good morning, Wonkses, I have a question. (This is kind of almost like an open thread, nearly, amirite?) I’ve been re-establishing contact recently with an old friend with whom I’d fallen out of touch over the last 10-15 years. He and I always saw things pretty much eye-to-eye, but he seems to have taken on purity-pony tendencies. He voted for Hillary out of fear of Trump, but now says that he regrets it. Says he “drank the Obama Kool-Aid” but de-registered as a Democrat when Obama signed off on making Bush’s tax cuts permanent, and has been disaffected from the Dems ever since.

    What can be said in defense of Obama’s decision there? I seem to remember that it was at least part of a trade-off in which Obama got something he wanted, but I don’t recall any details. Can anyone help me out?

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Anyone who uses the phrase “drank the Obama Kool-Aid” should be avoided at all costs, IMO.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      I’d say it’s time to get permanently out of touch with him. IMO anyone who says they “signed off” on Obama for any reason is likely to have actually voted for Dump, and is feeling you out to see how you react. So, unlikely to listen to reason re: tax cuts regardless of whether you have those liberal “facts” and “reasons” on your side.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      How wondrous must be a life free of compromises and decisions that don’t please everyone!

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        It’s almost like a fairy tale, innit?

    • Fartknocker

      Does said friend have a boo hoo moment when he goes to bed and no one puts a chocolate mint on his pillow? Remind him those events that have troubled him are history. And if he looks on E-Bay, they have smoking deals on Obamaphones, which was a program started by GWB2.

  • Joe Beese

    Don’t let them see you’re scared, Dean-O.

    Danny Tarkanian, the son of a legendary Nevada college basketball coach who has run for office several times, announced Tuesday morning that he will challenge Sen. Dean Heller in Nevada’s Republican primary next year.

    Tarkanian announced his bid on “Fox and Friends,” where he criticized Heller as a “Never-Trumper” and said that his stance on the president helped Hillary Clinton carry the state. …

    “Danny Tarkanian is a perennial candidate who has spent millions of dollars on five campaigns over the last decade,” Heller spokesman Tommy Ferraro said in the statement. “Nevada voters have rejected him every time — including less than a year ago against Jacky Rosen. He has wasted conservatives’ time and cost the Republican Party seats up and down the ballot. If he ultimately files for U.S. Senate he will lose in the primary.”

    http://www.politico.com/story/2017/08/08/danny-tarkanian-challenges-dean-heller-nevada-senate-241401

    • Mpeg

      Tell him to stuff it. (with a sports towel, of course)

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Oh please, please, please let Nevada have a hopelessly stupid primary and multiple challengers to Heller! It may cure them of that “tends to vote R” disease permanently.

  • Nounverb911
    • The Wanderer
    • Ωbjectifier

      Oh no
      There goes Tokyo

      • The Wanderer

        Oh, oh, Godzilla.

        • Msgr_MΩment

          History shows again and again
          How nature points out the folly in
          The THE Ohio State University’s tuba player.

          • The Wanderer

            LOL

    • therblig

      blig jr met him at comic-con, and as a big kaiju fan (big fan, of course kaiju are big), will be saddened to hear this.

  • The Wanderer

    It’s been too long since we saw a binturong:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3gWqpPsDsKg

    • Beanz&Berryz

      I don’t know binturong’s, but that’s not a huge piece of apple…

      • Mpeg

        Its teeth must be tiny. Maybe that makes it complicated for Mr. Biturong?

        • The Wanderer

          It might be. I don’t know much about the bearcats.

        • Beanz&Berryz

          Ya, but the mouth looks big enough to take that apple and also the hand holding the apple…

    • Msgr_MΩment

      I hope someone’s prepared to give that animal mouth-to-snout if it chokes on that!

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    This is important: Happy International Cat Day!

    https://mobile.twitter.com/search?q=%23WorldCatDay

    • mackafritz

      I thought every day was International Cat Day.

      • Elvis Causticfellow

        My cats agree with you.

      • Crystalclear12

        That’s what my owner says.

      • Incoming Ham

        I have three feline puppet masters who would agree.

    • Nounverb911
      • guppy06

        They never found the body.

        • Msgr_MΩment

          Shouldn’t you wrap in tin foil, if it’s going in the oven?

      • snigsy

        I wonder what evil thoughts are going through that cat’s mind.

        • sgt. jmk of the résistance

          You have to get them hopped up on the catnip before you can do this.

    • Nounverb911
    • Msgr_MΩment

      Anyone have any good recipes?

      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        1. Open up can of sardines
        2. Place fillets on saucer or bowl with low sides
        3. Place deferentially in front of cat

  • OneYieldRegular

    Pat Robertson thinks there might be a conspiracy to get rid of Fox News and all its culture of grab-ass since they keep losing talent to sexual harassment claims.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iZnQPLJi2t4

    • Beanz&Berryz

      That’s much more reasonable than all those pigs actually just being caught at being pigs…

  • FlemmishSpy

    I drive a Range Rover today, thanks to Nicole Mincey’s advice.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      You mean “Lori”.

      • FlemmishSpy

        AOT,K

    • I went for the McLaren

    • Pilotshark

      but what would Pickel drive?

  • armed_bears

    Oh rats… this won’t work.

  • nightmoth

    Wonkers: the Nightmoths are flying far way to Scotland today, doing some camping & hiking, so we will not be signaling for a month. You guys keep up the Resistance but stay out of jail. Perhaps when I return, it will be to some lovely impeachment hearings.

    • The Wanderer

      Take care, and have fun!

    • arglebargle

      Cromspeed

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Enjoy your vacation from Dolt 45! Here’s a helpful tip, which I used during the W occupation years: wear a Canadian flag pin on your lapel.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      If you don’t speak whatever weird language it is that they speak in Europe, I’ve found that it’s helpful to shout impatiently and make inexplicable hand gestures. Europeans really appreciate that.

      • Major_Major_Major

        It’s Scotland, so the ferners likely will understand Nightmoth, but the opposite is less likely to be true.

    • Persistent Demme

      Enjoy Scotland!
      What a beautiful place!
      Cue David Tennant: (a classic!)
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7zvNu3qgjno

  • Msgr_MΩment

    When the lights go off and Mommy and the Secret Service agents are tucked in their beds, Mikey P wanders the halls of the Naval Observatory dressed only in a Hoosiers #46 jersey, pausing to note his reflection as he passes each mirror.

    • wait! what?

      …as he pauses, he looks down at his bare feet and in his head he hears Spike Lee say:

      It’s the shoes, right?

      • The Wanderer

        “He thought it was the trousers.”
        The Rutles

        • FlemmishSpy

          “Wish I had lipstick on my shirt instead of piss stains on my shoes”

          – The Specials

      • Bobathonic

        I was expecting Spike Jones.

        • wait! what?

          “You always hurt the one you love” plays in the distance on a kazoo…

  • Little Lulu Ω

    Are we supposed to point out editing suggestions? Or is that only for RawStory?

    • Bobathonic

      I didn’t find them very receptive to corrective actions.

  • Nounverb911
    • beingreleased

      The last word there is apparently pronounced “thut.”

  • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

    Mike Pence: “Trump’s base is falling out according to a new poll from CNN?” The same CNN that gave us the poll saying Hillary had a 99% chance of becoming president? [Shakes head with condescending eyebrows; slips out phone.]
    Anyways . . . would you excuse me? [Dashes to empty room.]

  • Antonin Dvorak

    200 days, huh? Well he officially surpassed James Garfield’s 199 days in office; to become the third shortest presidency in history.

  • Nounverb911
    • Beanz&Berryz

      Or go down to the beach…

    • snigsy

      C’mon natural selection.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Peter Thiel has been souring on Trump due to Trump’s failure to turn this country into a libertarian run-penal colony as fast as Thiel had hoped. Sometimes the enemy of my enemy is not my friend.

  • Lyly Sirivong

    Hey FDA, there’s something you need to know about that Jesus dude…

  • armed_bears
    • Nounverb911

      YOU MONSTER!

      • armed_bears

        Well, it was entirely nonsensical. I owed something back to the planet, man.

      • Ill-Advised

        My first reaction. Uncanny. Now, about the vongole…

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Baby Butt(er) Clams

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Vegan Babby Butthole Clams!

        • Red Richmond

          With the sound of yodeling toddler in every can!

    • Ricky Gay

      Would eat

      • armed_bears

        Now with covfefe!

        • Ricky Gay

          Is it vegan?

          • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

            Buttwholly vegan.

          • Ricky Gay

            er, yum!

    • Cock Blockula

      I always look for Wonkette(TM) brand canned baby clams at my supermarket.

      • armed_bears

        “Wonkette(TM) brand: Feed the Resistance.”

        • Msgr_MΩment

          “It’s what plants crave!”

      • Ill-Advised

        I couldn’t find it in the Store. Didn’t know Wonkette was wholesale only in foodstuffs.

    • Oblios_Cap

      YOU MONSTER!

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Can’t read it very well because I left my computer glasses somewhere else – does that say “Fancy Whore Baby Clams”?

    • calliecallie

      I’m saving that for future use. Awesome!

  • Joe Beese

    And whose protocols are they following??

    https://twitter.com/seanhannity/status/894915169138204672

    • The Wanderer

      Were they written by learned elders?

    • Bobathonic

      Geezers in Scions?

    • Bill D. Burger
    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Where are these battle plans, and how do I volunteer?

    • The Wanderer

      Must read!!! Battle plans to make @seanhannity look an even bigger ass than he already is!

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Damn Soros and his use of Twitter to make Trump look bad!

    • Major_Major_Major

      Jesus, the collective IQ over there is in the high single digits. And that is a summation, not a mean.

  • Left Coast Tom

    L’il Donnie tweets out a Fox News[sic] report on North Korea which UN Ambassador Nikki Haley condemns as being based on classified leaks.

    I think we found the leaker Sessions is looking for…

  • Nounverb911
  • I picture a 13-year-old girl writing the name of her crush all over her notebook, with flourishes, doodles, hearts, and many colors, only it’s Pence, writing “President Pence”.

    • Isabella Martin

      That is exactly the picture I had

  • 45 1/2

    WORST FELLINI MOVIE EVER!!!1!1!
    https://media.giphy.com/media/LznpAQmRkInwA/giphy.gif

    On the other hand ah fuck it

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    I just want to say that since I had never heard of rock hyrax babies until two minutes ago, they can’t be real and therefore it’s okay if they go extinct, since if I’ve never heard of them they can’t be of much use, right?
    – a trumpanzee

    • Ghenghis McCann

      “Critters, what have they done for me?”

  • Nounverb911
  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    Danny Tarkanian just announced a couple hours ago that he is gonna primary Dean Heller. Now why would someone announce a campaign run at 4 in the morning local time? Well, let’s just say we locals weren’t his target audience.

  • Ricky Gay

    Man, that Gutfeld. He makes composite strawmen, lights them on fire, and holds them up like a boombox, all to woo Granny Grundle.

  • Bill D. Burger

    What a horror and freak show lineup in waiting.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DADsx2sVoAA89qO.jpg

    • FlemmishSpy

      Upper decker recursion.

    • Left Coast Tom

      I think that empty shadow at Ag might be the best one of the lot.

    • beingreleased

      Tom Price has been studying Richard III.

    • beingreleased

      Well the good news is they’re all white men. White men will never let you down.

    • Lyly Sirivong

      Much diversity.

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      Nope, don’t really care for any of these–who’s after Price?

      • Antonin Dvorak

        The VA and DHS secretaries.

    • Pilotshark

      Well one thing, no matter who gets the job, they will be weaken by all the damage the trumps administration has done, and deeper they have to go on the list the worst it will get, so they will not get to roll with out push back big time!
      also betting that their cabinets people will go though a much more vetting process. imho

      • Ill-Advised

        I’m feeling more Eeyorish–or E-Yorick–about it. See, we’ll be asked to come together in the spirit of reconciliation, DPNK will wave its dick again, and Putin will shake his head gently and inaugurate a new round of Let’s You and Them fight with cosplayers in the Baltics or Syria. It’ll be “War Presidents are Holy and Can Never be Questioned” all over again. Followed shortly by the invocation of War Powers.

    • Oblios_Cap

      There’s a black guy in there. Unpossible!

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      It’s really rather daunting, isn’t it? I imagine Pence will go down with Dump since he’s tied so firmly to his coattails; but then we get zombie-eyed granny starver Ryan (h/t Charlie Pierce) who will get to live out his college dream of making life impossible for everyone who was born into the exact same circumstances he was, except that they aren’t him so therefore are undeserving. SMH

      • Ms.Moon

        Ryan’s name has been floated as having some sort of Russian financial connection. I do hope the Mueller investigation drags all those skeletons out of the closet.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Can we skip directly to the Sec of Agriculture? Please?

    • Persistent Demme

      The real value here is the devastation and shame of the GOP in losing their president.
      It almost doesn’t matter who follows.
      Almost.

  • Joe Beese

    An American Research Group poll found that if the New Hampshire Republican presidential primary were held today, Kasich would get 52 percent support, compared to Trump who would receive just 40 percent.

    Another 8 percent are undecided.

    In a potential primary matchup between Kasich and Vice President Mike Pence, the Ohio governor still holds an advantage, according to the poll.

    In that matchup, Kasich garners 41 percent support, compared to Pence, who has 27 percent.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    At the end of a Pence for President Ad:

    “I’m Mommy Pence and I approved this message, subject to the understanding that my Michael is to keep away all other women when I am not hovering within inches of him.”

  • Maclare, Local Milk Person 🍼
  • MynameisBlarney
    • Johnatx

      This wins the internet for today. It is so true

      • MizzMazz

        Looking at that, I can hear my son when he was a toddler, “But I wanted to draw!”

      • Persistent Demme

        Yep.
        I have some books that look like that.

        • Lisacreinke

          Advice45b

          Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family! :!ap325d:
          On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
          :!ap325d:
          ➽➽
          ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialJobsCash615BuzzOcean/Pay$97/Hour ★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★:::::!ap325l..,…..

    • Incoming Ham

      I saw this awhile ago. Put them together and you have total contraception.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NbD_vRh8Ma0

  • TheGrandWazoo2
    • dslindc

      Request denied.

    • Bill D. Burger

      The Republican Diversity Choir ___ so inspiring!

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      How did that one… guy sneak in there? And why does the one at center top row have a quarter-note symbol tattooed on his forehead?

      • Bill D. Burger

        “That guy over there. That’s my black. Over there. ”
        ___ DJT

      • WIDTAP

        “Why does the one at center top row have a quarter-note symbol tattooed on his forehead.”

        Clearly someone with a little syncopation in their ancestry.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Depressing, if you impeach and remove a fucker who doesn’t believe in climate change, you get a fucker who doesn’t believe in climate change…but believes in Noah’s ark.
    ~sigh~

    https://i.imgflip.com/1a8x0r.jpg

    • Darlene Underdahl

      But the morons don’t have that “I can do anything I want” charisma the rubes find so attractive.

      • WIDTAP

        True, but they do have the “I can do anything I want and it’s OK because Jesus will forgive me” schtick that they rubes feel checkmated by.

    • coozledad

      Trump will throw Jesus boy under the bus before he goes down. Pence is probably the the biggest Russian ho in this shitshow, anyway.

  • TundraGrifter

    “Mar-a-Lago is barely meeting the legal hiring requirements so that it can “You’re Hired” a bunch of temp foreign workers from Not America, and as Trump said on the campaign trail, he’s “taking advantage of that.”

    During the campaign I went to a great deal of trouble to contact by mail the Clinton Florida campaign (golly it was hard to find an address! What does that tell you!), and send them a plan for a “Trump Job Fair” to call attention to his hotels hiring foreign workers. There’s more to the plan but that’s the essence. I even included a detailed article about this issue.

    I never heard a thing from them…

  • Jeffocaster in the West

    Mornin’ wonks. Kinda low today….anybody got anything good? Moar coffeesses….

    • Good_Gawd_Yall
      • Msgr_MΩment

        That’s “Queen Dormouse of the Irises” to you!

      • Jeffocaster in the West

        That’s after a full meal of wiring from my truck………little bastard…..

    • Bobathonic

      That’s “covfefes”.

    • TundraGrifter

      Perhaps you are suffering from the Dog Days of August. Most parts of the country are hot and humid. Tough to exercise and get out in it so lethargy sets in. Perhaps our internal calendars are still set for the school year, when many students certainly weren’t looking forward to returning to class but the summer days stretched out with little to do. Personally, when I find I’m in a flat spot or I need to improve my luck I try to go help somebody. Nothing major – come on, I’m not talking about donating a kidney – just a few acts of random, unexpected kindness. At the risk of espousing a cliché, I generally feel better after I’ve helped someone else feel better.

    • Zyxomma

      The organic cold brew coffee won’t be ready till tomorrow afternoon, but I have a fresh pot of organic jasmine pearl tea. Internet hugs. Remember that Nixon resigned on this date in 1974.

  • Nounverb911
    • FlemmishSpy

      Trump alone can do it!

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      I am a bit surprised about Clinton’s rating.

      • John Thorstensen

        Clinton got off on the wrong foot by having his first actions outshouted by a kerfluffle over gays in the military. It’s almost unimaginable how attitudes toward gay people have changed over the last 25 years.

  • Nounverb911
    • Mildred Broxon

      And we should feel encouraged by that.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Pat Robertson demands that Fox “gird up their loins” to fight back against accusations of sexual harassment. I’m…speechless.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Good idea. There’s been way too much ungirding over there.

      • Ill-Advised

        Girdles are Personal Protective Equipment, but apparently boyz don’t wear them.

  • Nounverb911
    • MynameisBlarney

      Yeah…so…
      That’s fucking stupid as hell.

      • Elvis Causticfellow

        The universal applicable comment.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      I could not vote for a torso like that because it contains a shriveled soul and is attached to a head devoted entirely to doing evil. But you do you, Russian-state-owned papers.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Yes but what’s the Torso Party going to do for the working man?

    • Bobathonic

      Because it’s in the Leopards Eating Faces Off Party.

    • Bill D. Burger

      How Donny dreams of that picture:

      https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DGglLnJV0AAJP-d.jpg

    • laughingnome

      Needz moar boob lift

    • WIDTAP

      “How could you not vote for a torso like that?”

      Because you are a straight male who isn’t into that?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      The hips don’t lie.

  • Mpeg

    I’d love for someone to mention the headline “Three-parent babies” in Pat Robertson’s presence, just to watch his head spin~

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      So, now that they’ve identified the leaker, will he be fired?

    • Bill D. Burger

      I saw that. That’s our Donald. He’s continuing the brilliant ‘strategery’ of Dubya.

      “Not a leaker. YOU’RE THE LEAKER.”

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Does this mean Jeff Sessions will be dragging Fox to jail and waterboarding them to find their sources?

      • Msgr_MΩment

        I’ll motorboat the blondes, and you can take Doocey.

    • therblig

      nikki so wants to be president.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Riiiiiight…
        And I want to be handsome, wealthy and hung like a shetland pony.

        • Oblios_Cap

          2 out of three ain’t bad.

  • therblig
    • wait! what?

      Changing the “Tr” to “F” works, too.

    • MynameisBlarney

      With the iridescent rainbow unicorn stickers on it.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      I miss hot sensitive Jesus.

    • MizzMazz

      I liked PeeChee folders. There was just so much doodling fun there.

  • Les Appentis De la résistance

    When did grab-ass culture become a bad thing?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      When the ass doing the grabbing turned out to be such a twunt.

    • WIDTAP

      Admittedly, is is a very small step up from grabbing pussy.

  • Mpeg

    Why does WaPo online hate my browsers so much? I tried loading some stories from there on IE and on Chrome. It maimed one, and strangled the other plus its additional tabs I had open. Then it informed me this fun fest was available to me for only 8 more clicky-views this month.
    /*weeps*

    • Nounverb911

      Open it in a ‘private window’.

  • Oblios_Cap

    disapproval ratings up around 60 percent. LOW RATINGS!

    Given The Trumpster’s fixation with ratings, that’s gotta leave a mark. SAD!

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “As I learned from The Aprrentice (the most watched show in Television history, unlike Arnold’s sad copy), hate watchers still count as viewers. WInning!”
      — Donald Trump

  • WIDTAP

    “Pat Robertson thinks there might be a conspiracy to get rid of Fox News and all its culture of grab-ass since they keep losing talent to sexual harassment claims.”

    If there is, it’s an inside job.

    • Persistent Demme

      I wish!

  • Nounverb911
    • Beanz&Berryz

      “It’s classified” seems like a bone-headed affirmation of classified information. And “it’s s shame” reconfirmed the affirmation. And then there’s Trump. It’s Fucking Moran Amateur Hour in America.

  • MynameisBlarney
  • Bill D. Burger
  • Confusius say he who live in Million $Dollar$ Glass House is pretty darn cosmopolitan.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/fc734c04592a20d1ce3fd86102107d6150473e1741133b59455eefffcd0f8ad8.png

    Is hypocrite also to

  • Latverian Diplomat

    This just in: Trump asks secret mystery panel of foxes to advise on how best to secure nation’s henhouses. Fox News oddly silent on the matter.

  • bookish

    http://wallstreetpit.com/113884-tale-two-americas-high-costs-poor-rich-land/?google_editors_picks=true

    Hope is an important channel driving people’s willingness to invest in the future. My early research on well-being work highlights its particular importance for people with less means, for whom making such investments requires a greater sacrifice of current consumption than it does for the rich (Graham et al. 2004). In addition to widening gaps in opportunity, the prosperity gap in the US has led to rising inequality in beliefs, hopes, and aspirations, with those who are left behind economically the least hopeful and the least likely to invest in their futures.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Peter Theil needs to fuck off to international waters, with the Trump anchor chained around his neck.

  • Nounverb911
    • TJ Barke

      Humor, how the fuck does it work?

      • cmd resistor

        Don’t ask a republican.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Fuckabee has no clue

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      New York should deport his ample ass.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        There are some anti-immigration measures I would support.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall
    • Ωbjectifier

      Flying commercial. What a loser!

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      If Trump sold them I want him to sell us too!

    • Antonin Dvorak

      Then I suggest you encourage Fox News, which I assume is the only reason you are “leaving the country” to move to podunk Alabama.

    • therblig

      lazy eye flight, you say?

    • Oblios_Cap

      What a jackass.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      So he’s self-deporting?

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        Who in the world would take him in?

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef
    • Professor Fate

      And from those of us in NYC, the first Capital of the United States, on behalf of the Statue of Liberty and the victims of 9-11 we say -“go piss up a rope”

      • Hollandaise

        On behalf of the city of brotherly fucking love and the goddamn birthplace of the Us’s founding, I say he can go fuck himself with a key on a kite string in a storm.

        • Professor Fate

          well said –

    • snigsy

      Fuck you, Mike.

    • Ghenghis McCann

      Ah, Hucklebuck thinks there’s a Real America, where people like him.

    • shivaskeeper

      That’s funny. No, it really is. “Real American” is so boring you have to sleep through it just to keep your sanity, even at 30K feet and 500mph.

      Or did I miss the joke?

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        Maybe. Mike definitely did.

    • John Thorstensen

      Yeah, that AMERICA he speaks of absorbs quite a bit more tax revenue than it produces. Buncha takers …

    • SeeTrain65

      Enjoy your sack time over Upper Turdistan, dickhead.

    • Notreelyhelping

      Them are some high-octane yuks, boy howdy.

    • chortlingdingo

      God, what a fucker. Har har, REAL AMERICA is only in the midwest, har har.

      • Mildred Broxon

        So he didn’t fly over NM or CO, eh? Took a detour?

    • Persistent Demme

      Hurr durr, Daddy Dog-killer!

    • exinkwretch

      The “coastal elites” probably built that plane that’s flying your fat ass across the country, Mikey.

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      If it offends you so much, Mr Hucksterbee, I’m sure NYC and LA would be happy to stop providing ‘foreign aid’ to Arkansas.

      • Ill-Advised

        Exactly. If that doesn’t work, Mike Mulvaney will help out.

    • Ill-Advised

      WE’RE PAKISTAN NOW!!!!!!
      Can we have our own nuclear arsenal? Wait, we got California. Never mind.

  • Proud Liberal

    If Trump is removed from office and Pence takes over, he will go the way of Gerry Ford.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Except he lacks all the decency and judgment that Gerald Fird brought to the shitstorm.

      • Proud Liberal

        No doubt. Pence is a slimy bastard.

        • Beanz&Berryz

          And even still that’s a bit of a disservice to normal everyday slimy bastards.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Except for one thing we’ve been paying for ever since: pardoning the criminal Nixon.

    • Bill D. Burger
      • Weird Fishes

        I can’t see Trump carrying an umbrella for Melania. Ivanka maybe, but not Melania.

      • SeeTrain65

        “Alert Secret Servicemen seized the stairs and wrestled them to the ground.”

        • Antonin Dvorak

          Had the strength of ten stairs, clearly hopped up on something.

      • Persistent Demme

        When was this? (He looks a lot thinner there.)
        And who is the woman?

    • MynameisBlarney

      Maybe.
      Seems that damn near the entire GOP is complicit in the Turmp-Roosha election tampering case.
      His stupid ass may end up in neck-deep shit too.

      • Proud Liberal

        I have no doubt he knows all about it and was/is complicit. Pence strikes me as someone who will do anything to become president.

        • Komsumverweigerer Ron

          When Jesus Hisself tells you that you should be President, you’d be foolish to contradict Him.

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      I read a comforting piece yesterday wherein a GOP analyst was predicting a “civil war” among conservatives if Trump is ousted which would so damage Pence that he’d be toast by the time 2020 rolls around.

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        We need to see more Good Time stories like that here.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      If Pence becomes President, will his wife be addressed as “the First Mommy?”

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Jamoche

      And could we please stop seeing his o-face?

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    How in the hell can Miller, who is 6 years younger than me, afford a million dollar condo?

    • TJ Barke

      Rich daddy, apparently.

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        I am starting to see a certain WH trend.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      I’m going with “people have been paying him to go the fuck away his entire life.”

  • Hemp Dogbane

    Re: Miller, no, not that kind of cosmopolitan, the other kind of (((cosmopolitan))).

    • Weird Fishes

      Hello, sailor!

    • Oblios_Cap

      The drink?

  • Crystalclear12

    So, Wall Street is finally catching up with the rest of us and realizing we’re fucked.

    These are the people I’m supposed to trust with my retirement money?!

    • Professor Fate

      It’s not so much trust as give. you weren’t supposed to have money in the first place.

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      Nonetheless, they’re still a better bet than Glenn Beck.

  • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly
  • Crystalclear12

    I think it’s funny they think Pence is going to do better.
    Competence has been breed out of the Republican animal.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      The only motherfucker on the planet who believed that Mike Flynn had nothing in his recent past that might be of concern, and who, upon becoming suspicious, just took Flynn’s word for it . . . yeah, that’s the guy who should be in charge.

    • mackafritz

      They don’t think he’ll be better. Just not have the constant drama surrounding him.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    I invite Jayuff Sayshuns to fuck himself with a rusty, unlubed chainsaw.

    Also, too, Pat Robertson.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Fun fact: Hyraxes are not rodents; they are most closely related to elephants and manatees. ’cause that’s how Evolution rolls.

    • Jeffocaster in the West

      Evolution BAH! Jesus made all the little animals about 5000 years ago and was even sure that Wonkers get cute pictures to post on their EVIL WEBSITE!!!! Have you no faith in the Lord?

      • Villago Delenda Est

        None. Pat Robertson says he sees Donald sitting beside Him. He has really shitty taste.

        • Jeffocaster in the West

          What Pat sez is good enuf for me, and I was just writing him a check this AM. You should, too! God will put you on the Jesus saved list and you get special seating in the house of the Lord. Amen!!!!

    • wait! what?

      They look a little like wee capybari.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        I remember a paper that, as an intellectual exercise, asked “if intelligent design is correct, what does biology tell us about the creator(s)”. One of the finding (based on what real biologists call convergent evolution) was there much have been multiple designers, who stole ideas from each other…

        • Villago Delenda Est

          The hip and back department was staffed by idiots.

          • Ghenghis McCann

            I’ve been thinking that lately, too.

          • Latverian Diplomat

            Yes, the fallibility of the designers was another big topic…

          • shivaskeeper

            Knees. The human knee was designed by a highschool drop out who made up fake engineering credentials.

        • wait! what?

          The book of Genesis could have another chapter added called:

          “Biologists at War”

        • shivaskeeper

          Corporate espionage in Genesis? Truly the Bible dies predict everything.

        • Cosmopolitan John

          As my old doctor liked to say, anybody who believes in intelligent design should take a close look at the human knee.

          • Mildred Broxon

            And L5-S1.

          • Jamoche

            I cite the reproductive system. Especially the female half.

        • Ill-Advised

          Sounds like my last software team.

    • SomeBigRedDog

      Nah. They’re puppies.

    • Courser_Resistance

      Denver Zoo has a colony of Hyrax right inside their front gate. I was kind of astonished about the elephants and manatees too.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        According to wikipedia, the big clues are testicle and nipple placement. I’m guessing the zoo didn’t go into that. :-)

  • Gayer Than Thou

    It’s too bad the B-52’s didn’t have a bigger hit with Rock Hyrax.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Rock Lobster however, was quite popular.

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        Rock lobsters taste better than rock hyraxes. No matter how much butter you use.

        • MynameisBlarney

          Well, aren’t Rock Hyraxes supposed to be Fricasseed?

          • exinkwretch

            No, they’re stewed in a compote with canned clams.

          • MynameisBlarney

            YOU MONSTER!

          • Komsumverweigerer Ron

            I have no idea. Someone ripped out the ‘hyraxes’ section of my Better Homes and Gardens New Cook Book.

  • Zyxomma

    This week we celebrate Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s 24 years as a Supreme Court justice. Please sign her card: http://go.ameripacfund.com/page/s/Ginsburg-Anniversary?source=MS_EM_PET_2017.08.08_B1_Ginsburg-Anniversary_X__F1_S1_C1__all

  • ENCOUNTERS WITH NATURAL NATURE!

    Last night we had the back door open to enjoy some rare cool breezes when in walks as pretty as you please a juvenile opossum. It plodded in like opossums do when it suddenly discovered it had been SEEN. Rather than dropping into a fake death it scurried off, while releasing some god-awful smelling opossum defensive stank.

    The dogs, who naturally missed the whole thing, loved the smell.

    • Oblios_Cap

      I was sitting on the porch Sunday after mowing the lawn when a nice juvenile scarlet king snake decided to slither up. I picked him up with the BBQ tongs and tossed him in the neighbor’s yard.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        I hate it when my fucking neighbor tosses snakes into my yard.

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          If my neighbor did that, there’d be not one scorched stone standing upon another for a 10-block radius. Fucking snakes. Fucking neighbors.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        I’ve had it with these motherfucking snakes flying over the motherfucking fence!

        • Master Contrail Program

          On TBS they’re monkey-fightin’ snakes and Monday to Friday fences.

          • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

            On “Barney Miller”, Harris (Ron Glass) said, “I’m a bad motor scooter,” and he made it sound badass.

      • shivaskeeper

        Why get rid of one of the most beneficial snakes to have around?

        • Oblios_Cap

          I didn’t want my dog to kill it.

      • Persistent Demme

        Family story time:
        My mom talks about how, when she was a little girl, playing in the backyard, there was a rattlesnake.
        Mom got hysterical, Grandma told her to shut up, and calmly proceeded to chop up the rattler with a garden hoe.
        Tough lady!

      • Mildred Broxon

        Hope you were gentle. Scarlet kings are beautiful.

        • Oblios_Cap

          I didn’t hurt it.

    • SomeBigRedDog

      I’ve had a black bear having a party outside my bedroom window for the last two weeks. He likes to roll empty beer bottles around my condo parking lot as he investigates the garbage. Then he camps under my window with a bag of garbage and has a snack.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        yeaH, that’s pretty fucking awesome actually.

        (We don’t have bears here).

        • SomeBigRedDog

          It was okay the first couple times but now I’ve decided I’d rather be sleeping at one in the morning.

          • Courser_Resistance

            Having known the 2 am terror of a bear munching down about 5 feet from my tent, I feel you.

      • wait! what?

        Donald calls it a working vacation.

        • SomeBigRedDog

          He’s about the same shape but way cuter than the Donald.

          • shivaskeeper

            Also, too stronger. And probably more sure of himself and confident about what he should be doing.

      • Erala Contratista

        We got juvenile raccoons who have formed a soccer league on the deck.
        Or maybe dodgeball.
        Too sleepy to check.
        The raccy giggles are cute, tho.

      • Persistent Demme

        Sounds fascinating!
        You haven’t lived until you’ve seen Mr. Demme go to battle with a bat, armed only with a tennis racket, and wearing only a Stetson and tighty whities.

        • Courser_Resistance

          Bwah-ha!

          I knew a couple who moved here to build a passive solar home (this ages ago). In the meantime, they lived in an apartment. The wife had picked up her mom on the way home and what sight greeted them in the picture window?

          Husband, nude, standing on various furniture with the vacuum cleaner hose trying to vacuum up a flock of miller moths! Mom got an eyeful of the Mr in his birthday suit in action

      • For years we lived down in a ‘holler’ in Tennessee surrounded by Appalachian foothills. Sometimes at night several rival packs of coyotes would whoop and yell at each other for hours – with us sitting in the middle of it all. Times Square at 10 PM is probably less noisy .

        This turned up to 11 for hours…

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RwN24uzc77Q

        • Courser_Resistance

          Jeebus, I once took my male borzoi with me on a solo backpacking trip. When those yipping assholes came across a place Red had marked, they set up a cacaphony that could be heard in the entire valley. In the middle of the night. Red, not being the brave sort, was a bit freaked out. Thankfully, he makes a great pillow.

      • Courser_Resistance

        Here in Colorado, just about once a week a bear gets into someone’s car and then proceeds to destroy it. They’re like Roach Motels for bears; They can get in, but they can’t get out. Someone usually has to be brave enough to go open a door – bear scampers away. For those who don’t know, bear smell awful.

        • SomeBigRedDog

          I’m in western Colorado and we had a late freeze last winter that killed all the berries so the bears have all come down to feast on our garbage this year. Its my third summer here and the first one that I have really noticed a problem. And I can smell that damn bear through the open window.

          • Courser_Resistance

            We had the same thing in the front country. For the last couple of years, we’ve had a LOT more bears in the western and southern suburbs. Arvada, Lakewood, Littleton. In fact, it’s getting so that it’s not always newsworthy anymore except for the cars. Subarus seem to be particularly accessible to them.

          • SomeBigRedDog
          • Courser_Resistance

            Most Colorado thing I’ve seen today:

            “Usually, I don’t get up at 5 o’clock unless there is a bear driving a car down the street,” Cornelius joked.

            Courtesy of the Durango Herald.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Popcorn…

        • SomeBigRedDog

          He’d probably just try to come in and eat that too.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      We had a cartoon-style encounter with an opossum. We were doing some late night garden watering. Possum comes waddling out from behind the garage, sees us and throws it into reverse.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        I occasionally do some “late night garden watering” after a few beers.

        • From Russia with Love

          There’s relief, and then again, there’s watering the earth.

      • Mildred Broxon

        Once in Seattle I was sitting with my cats, felt something cold sitting on my feet, and found it was an opossum. It had a bad cut on its back; lived in the house, perfectly friendly, for a couple of months before it healed. Cats were unfazed.

    • Master Contrail Program

      At my old apartment there was a possum that would casually stroll past me on the sidewalk as I would head to the local Kwik-E-Mart for my 2AM libations.

      Thing wouldn’t miss a beat, we got to the point where we’d just make eye contact and nod at each other.

      Always reminded me of this cartoon for whatever reason.
      “Morning Ralph.”
      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ff8063c05ad68a28e71ca8d82b721869f599a19fe8cd71abbe1b477085a435c5.png
      “Mornin’ Sam.”

    • Courser_Resistance

      Of all the creatures I’ve met and dealt with over my life, I’ve never encountered a opossum. I don’t think we have many opossums in Colorado. I’ve camped all over too. No possums. I’m kind of fascinated about them though, considering all the stories I’ve ever heard of people encountering them. In houses, cupboards and even cornering my ex’s college girlfriend on a porch.

      • They actually do ‘Play Possum’. Many times we’ve found dogs in the back yard standing around looking guilty about the ‘dead’ opossum laying at their feet (“We just said HELLO! we promise!!!”).

        Once the dogs are herded back inside the thing will sit up, ywn, shake itself off, and plod away.

        • msanthrope

          Yep, I’ve had exactly the same experience with my dogs in my backyard. Playing possum works!

        • Courser_Resistance

          I’m utterly fascinated that nature created an animal that looks, smells (when startled) and acts like a dead thing. I’ve seen them in zoos. They really don’t look healthy. Oh, there’s also the corpse flower, but at least it attracts insects.

  • Oblios_Cap

    CIA Director and Tea Party crazy Mike Pompeo is trying to force feed rank and file agents Trump love potions, but not everyone is drinking the Flavor-Aid.

    Another idiot who has Peter Principled his way into a job. Who woulda thunk that the agents that Trump’s insulted since the election wouldn’t just love the gommba to death?

    • Ghenghis McCann

      I think instead of “to death”, they would say with extreme prejudice.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    As for Gutfield, well, projection, which is what these fucking assholes always do.

    • SeeTrain65

      Oh, it was Gutfield. Now I’m sure I made the right decision not looking at it.

      • The Flaming Carrot

        SADD = Same Asshole, Different Day.

  • Michael Smith

    Wow I just found this map of the Middle East in Stephen Miller’s office, and it may explain some of his more confusing language https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/657d539b3ed34428b8f7f5f6c93808a719c6afa6243918336317709ccbf0a845.jpg

    • TJ Barke

      Shouldn’t that be cosmopolita?

      • Michael Smith

        Damn it. Haste makes waste.

    • Jeffocaster in the West

      Been there done that. Pizza was terrible.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      I like their transit system!

    • Bill D. Burger
      • Zyxomma

        Squidward libelz!!11!!

        • SeeTrain65

          Right. Squidward plays the clarinet.

          Stephen Miller plays the … oh, you get the idea.

          • Major_Major_Major

            the flute made from a human femur? Xylophone made from virgin’s ribs?

          • SeeTrain65

            The flute “lacks melanin.” That’s all I’m sayin’.

      • Erala Contratista

        Deadeye Miller doing interpretive dance?
        Don’t think so.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Don’t forget the West End and the Sunset Strip…

    • Michael Smith
  • cmd resistor

    Ana Navarro had a nice rant this morning on a CNN panel with some dumbass George W person. Topic was supposed to be about recent poll showing people don’t believe Trump and his White House. She used the words “lie” and “liar” and dumbass guy got all offended. She did roll her eyes at him. He told her to “relax.”

    • chortlingdingo

      There’s nothing more irritating than when you’re bringing up legitimate concerns/issues/whatever, and someone tells you to “relax” or “calm down.” It makes me want to tear my hair out.

      • cmd resistor

        I seriously doubt he would have said the same to a man, either. He was particularly sanctimonious and smug.

        • chortlingdingo

          It does seem to have a special condescending tone when coming from a man to a woman, doesn’t it? And now that I think about it, I can’t recall a time when another woman said it to me.

        • Ill-Advised

          Would fit right in at certain labs at Google, then?

      • TundraGrifter

        Never works, does it? It’s rather like somebody telling somebody else to “cheer up.” When, in the history of the world, did that ever do anything except piss off the other person?

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        “Smile”. I could cut a bitch over “smile”.

    • Reximus

      I always want to Schlapp that guy

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • KnaveOfSwords

      Yeah, I saw that story. Not sure which is more bizarre, that he’s tweating out stories based on leaks of classified information after demanding that Sessions go after people “leaking” non-classified information, or that he’s apparently learning about this from Fox and Friends rather than his daily briefings.

    • TundraGrifter

      If the leaks are classified how did Faux News get to see them?

      “Leaks of classified information” makes a bit more sense than “classified leaks.”

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • Phoenixdoglover

      To all bots:
      Join your friends and supporters for a day of speeches, songs and celebration. Saturday, Aug. 18, starting at 10 am. Location: Bowling Green Massacre National Monument.

  • Me not sure

    Stephen Miller should fit right in as communitions director.
    🎶Abra abracadabra
    I wanna reach out and grab ya
    Abracadabra
    Abracadabra🎶

    Steve Miller Band

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Some people call him the Pomp-anus of Love.

      • Me not sure

        Woooo-Hooooo!

  • TundraGrifter

    “Peter Thiel has been souring on Donald Trump; maybe he’ll use some of his megabucks to find the pee hooker tape?”

    There are strange accounts to house staffers sent to Russia to find the author of the famous Russian Dossier. Was an attaché case of cash handcuffed to one of their wrists?

    And if the gentleman they sought turned down the offer, he’d better be on the lookout for strangers with umbrellas stalking him on the sidewalks.

    • Incoming Ham

      I’d imagine Trump would leave a bad taste in one’s mouth.

      I’ll be here all week – like it or not. Don’t forget to tip your waitress.

  • TundraGrifter

    “There have been days when I thought we were there, ready to give the brief. I thought, ‘There’s not a chance we’re getting in today,’” Mr. Pompeo said in April. “And you know, each day, we’re in there. It’s like clockwork.”

    Even a stopped clock still has the works.

  • Me not sure

    Wow! If you haven’t read the Fox Opinion article by Greg Gutfeld, please do. I had no idea that the words liberal, fascist, and puritan could be used to describe one singular political point of view. Then if you want to get all extra ragey read the idiot comments.

    BTW Greg, has it occurred to you that the show in question is failing not because it lacks Mandy Patinkin, but because it just sucks?

    • Incoming Ham

      Nothing ever occurs to that bunch.

  • Instead of Flavor-Aid might The House suggest the administration try some vintage Funny Face?

    You get funny racial stereotypes AND delicious American-made Cyclamates as well.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/758adf0473fa9d5f7593222ef383c6f0f8f27bd12d0e976775ea9fc0f320252e.jpg

    • Antonin Dvorak

      I don’t even want to see what the grape packet looks like.

      • TundraGrifter

        Or the black cherry.

      • No worries!

        Not racist – just a stereotypical mentally impaired individual.

        https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/cef2ee2ebe766fbeb5630d77e5528879f7b34b7464d1ac20ed399328e28541f7.jpg

        I assume ‘Golliwog Grape’ tested poorly in Not Alabama.

        • Incoming Ham

          The full roster:

          Way Out Watermelon
          Rootin’ Tootin’ raspberry
          Choo Choo Cherry
          Freckleface Strawberry
          Goofy Grape
          Jolly Olly Orance
          Lefty Lemon

          I am partial to the last one – what an awesome character name for a screenplay.*

          *Or Disquis Name

          • cmd resistor

            I found a list that had even more. And, apparently Chinese Cherry and Injun Orange were replaced with non-racial names after protests: ” Five of the original flavors were innocuous enough – Lefty Lemon, Goofy Grape, Loud-mouth Lime, Freckle Face Strawberry and Rootin’ Tootin’ Raspberry. The other two, Chinese Cherry and Injun Orange, didn’t exactly thrill members of the Asian and Native-American communities. They responded with protests and Pillsbury wisely changed the offending flavors to Choo Choo Cherry and Jolly Olly Orange.” http://www.retroland.com/funny-face/

          • Incoming Ham

            God, people coming to their senses is sooo boring!

    • MizzMazz

      Damn, I remember those!

    • Wookie Monster

      It was a simpler (read: more racist) time.

    • foiled again

      So solly, round-eyes!

    • Incoming Ham

      God. I’m so old I remember those.

      • Persistent Tennessee Rain

        Apparently, you are in good company.

        Raises hand to admit being a consumer of that particular product.

    • cmd resistor

      Wow, how oblivious was I as a kid? I remember this stuff. In fact, I entered a contest and won a DYI cardboard drink stand. But I don’t remember the racial faces at all. Mainly I remember it was easier than koolaid because you didn’t have to add sugar. And, they had a flavor called lemon grape that I liked because it wasn’t as sweet as some. Of course these were the years of the Frito Bandito, too.
      I did find they had a leftist flavor, too:
      https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/71/f9/81/71f981d14abf84c5308a527147bb7e92–vintage-candy-vintage-food.jpg

      • TundraGrifter

        Yes, with Kool-Aid you had to add cups of sugar but the flavor packet only cost a nickel. Eventually we just opened them up, licked our finger, and ate the powder.

      • Incoming Ham

        None of us thought about it. We were 3-7 years old. Our parents however…

        …never thought about it either and they should have known better.

        • cmd resistor

          I did find, in comments to an article about Funny Face, a comment by a guy who claimed he created the characters. (To be fair, most of them were not racist). He said, “At the time, I was naive enough not to realize that the names Chinese Cherry and Injun Orange could be hurtful to Chinese and Native Americans. My sincere appoogies, at this late date, to anyone I offended.” I’m not sure how long those 2 were sold before getting changed.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        And Sugar Smacks – now Honey Smacks. How about truth in advertising, hmmm?

    • Incoming Ham
    • Incoming Ham

      God dammit, now I am looking these things up instead of writing. I need to disconnect the wifi.

      Here is their TV spot.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=14&v=Bn-tpSSnSrs

  • SweetDeeKat

    Trade policy may seem dull, but I know a bunch of folks in Steve King’s district that are going to be electrified when Two-Scoops fucks up this one. There’s heavy investment in large livestock operations there. Grain production is on the line, too.

  • Those hyraxes make some pretty good fake oreo cookies . . . I think.

  • Kiri the Unicorn

    “Rock Hyrax” was the working title to a well-known B-52s song.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Also, the worst Hydrox flavor ever.

  • Red Bird

    True fact. Being thrown off my mom’s back is how I learned to swim.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      That works for some, but as a former lifeguard a lot of people fail to flourish with that natatorial pedagogy

    • foiled again

      Being tossed into shark-infested water by Mom is what taught me to swim.

    • SomeBigRedDog

      I learned when someone threw my tennis ball in Puget Sound.

    • Hardly Ideal

      Considering how you’re a bird, I don’t doubt that in the least. I’m pretty sure I saw something like that on a nature documentary.

  • BearGHAZI

    If Trump survives until the election 2020, his Democratic opponent should refer to him as ‘low-ratings Trump’

  • Bitter Scribe

    My sister, who is convinced that she knows more about medicine than most doctors, keeps insisting that generic drugs are always inferior to branded versions. I wonder how many other people believe that? They’re natural suckers for this scam.

    • Incoming Ham

      Especially considering a lot of generics are made by the same companies on parallel lines as the name brands.

      • sarafina

        My parents wintered in AZ, and Dad would get his meds in Mexico while he was there and a 6 month supply for up North. He had one problem with counterfeit Wellbutrin but otherwise he liked that program – drugs were $400 every month otherwise. And he was one of those ‘buy American’ at all costs people.

    • ziggywiggy

      Actually it is true for some drugs, I know from personal experience. I take bupropion(generic for Wellbutrin). The way this drug went generic is that the drug went generic but the way it titrates did not. Titration is basically how the medicine goes into your system over time. So I was taking a generic from one manufacturer who didn’t get it right, so what would happen is the medicine would go into my system all at once, making me feel like I just drank 5 cups of coffee. then a few hours later I would crash because my body had already used up the medicine that should have still been in my system. It took at least 8 months working with my doctor to figure out what was happening. I found a different generic manufacturer and theirs works much better. Google issues with Wellbutrin generic and see it’s been a big problem, to the point where the FDA stepped in.

    • ziggywiggy

      “Problems with Generic Wellbutrin (Bupropion)? Not Again!” https://www.peoplespharmacy.com/2017/07/17/problems-with-generic-wellbutrin-bupropion-not-again/

  • HazooToo

    I am definitely conspiring to end Fox News. It’s not a news program, it’s a goddamn cult. They tell their viewers that everyone else is lying to them, they’re the only ones who are ‘fair and balanced’, and they stir up hate against anyone who doesn’t think like they do. I absolutely want them off the air, with no reservations.

  • TundraGrifter

    From this afternoon’s Politico Briefing:

    WAR REPORT — “Trump White House weighs unprecedented plan to privatize much of the war in Afghanistan,” by USA Today’s Jim Michaels: “The White House is actively considering a bold plan to turn over a big chunk of the U.S. war in Afghanistan to private contractors in an effort to turn the tide in a stalemated war, according to the former head of a security firm pushing the project. Under the proposal, 5,500 private contractors, primarily former Special Operations troops, would advise Afghan combat forces. The plan also includes a 90-plane private air force that would provide air support in the nearly 16-year-old war against Taliban insurgents, Erik Prince, founder of the Blackwater security firm, told USA TODAY.

    ~ We’ve been in Afghanistan since Moby Dick was a guppy (not “America’s Longest War” but still far too long) and all our training efforts have yielded exactly zero positive results. A complete waste of blood and treasure.

    If there is a solution to this stalemate it isn’t a military once. It’s a diplomatic-economic-military approach with an information overlay. Read David Kilcullen.

    • Why are we still there? And how does A COMPLETELY PRIVATE ARMY solve anything? Even rightwingers ought to think this is nuts.

      • TundraGrifter

        Have you read Rachel Maddow’s excellent “Drift” ? I highly recommend it.

      • We’re still there because Dubya decided taking out Saddam Hussein was far more important than hunting down the mastermind behind the 9/11 Attacks, and he pulled just the right amount of forces away from Afghanistan so that we couldn’t bring either conflict to a satisfactory conclusion.

    • phoenix00

      Lest we forget: Erik Prince is the brother of…… Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos.

  • Khavrinen

    “we are currently experiencing climate change, and humans aren’t exactly helping. The Trump administration and the EPA declined to comment.”

    “Declined to comment” is better than screaming “FAKE NEWS!!”

    Slightly better, anyway.

  • Khavrinen

    “Pat Robertson thinks there might be a conspiracy to get rid of Fox News and all its culture of grab-ass since they keep losing talent to sexual harassment claims.”

    “The phone call conspiracy is coming from inside the house Company!

  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    That is a serious rathole, that Nicole Mincey story.
    What the everloving fuck? So very weird, the conservaturf folks.

    So are any of us fake Wonketizeers, just posing as multiple people to magnify some point of view??

    • SisterArtemis

      We’ll never tell!!!

      • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

        Well, it doesn’t matter anyway, because of course Wonket doesn’t allow comments. I’m apparently actually imagining you exist! So, would you like me to imagine you a yacht? Imagine you’re a supermodel?

        Disclaimer: I tried imagining Trump into the cornfield, and instead it looks like his hair is made of corn silk. So no guarantees it’ll exactly work right.

    • Courser_Resistance

      Hey, I’m doing good to manage ONE personality!

  • Richard Girlswin

    So, last week I was assaulted. Big gash in my mouth, nasty bone bruise in the hinge of my jaw, mild concussion. I’m still having cognitive issues.

    I tried to get in for a follow up assessment and discovered that not only is every doctor in town booked up until next month, the only walk-in clinic in town is closed for two weeks. So now my only option to find out if I need to worry about brain damage is to go to an emergency room that is currently the sole point of healthcare access in all of Northern Manitoba.

    Thanks, Pallister. Thanks, Conservatives.

    • cats530

      Oh, I’m sorry. That sucks. Maybe if you go to the ER though you can get a neurologist’s referral or at least get the ball rolling on a CT or MRI? That’s who you really need to see (neurologist) if you are having post-concussive issues, not just a GP.

      • Richard Girlswin

        Yeah, it’s just such a waste of resources. Our ER has a six to eight hour wait time for non-emergencies. They don’t tend to give out referrals either. They either treat it or tell you what to follow up with your GP on. They already gave me a CT when it happened, so knowing them, they’ll want to make a GP do any follow up so it doesn’t look like they’re wasting too many resources on a single case.

        Don’t get me wrong, I love single payer, but dear god is it easy for remote areas to get forgotten and fucked.

  • A very big tip o’ the hat for remembering that Jim Jones and his cult drank poisoned Flavor-Aid as well as Kool-Aid.

  • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

    Kamala Harris Smeared with a Memo that Contradicts the Propaganda It Was Supposed to Support
    By Mark Lippman
    Sunday Aug 06, 2017 · 4:54 PM PDT

    https://www.dailykos.com/stories/1687354

  • whitroth

    I read that Pence will be running for President. In 1820. (Thanks to the Borowitz Rpt).

  • cats530

    MOTUS = Mullah Of The United States

  • Lisacreinke

    Advice46b

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    On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
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