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And a Good Monday to you, Wonketariat! Hope you had a good weekend! Here’s some of the things we may be talking about today.

On Sunday, Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein said Robert Mueller can investigate whatever he needs to, stating that DOJ doesn’t “engage in fishing expeditions” like House Republicans whenever Hillary Clinton wanders out of the woods.

Trump has been secretly outsourcing policy making to lobbying groups according to new lawsuits that accuse Trump of trying to obscure the basic functions of government with parlor tricks and shadow puppets.

Bernie Sanders has been busting his ass to save the ACA when he’s not hitchhiking around the country.

Republicans might not get a chance to screw with tax codes due to Trump’s insistence on killing the ACA, causing Republican Senator Orrin Hatch to state “We’re not going back to healthcare. We’re in tax now…I’m sick of it.”

10 congressional members have sent the FCC a mean letter that criticizes its attempts to destroy net neutrality, and laying out in simple language all the ways FCC chair Ajit Pai has been fucking up.

Ajit Pai personally intervened in Sinclair Broadcasting’s push to buy Tribune Media by reauthorizing UHF standards, but without the high quality programing.

State Department staffers are sounding off about REXXON and his management style, or lack thereof, after he flushed a bunch of staffers and money down the toilet and then taking a nap.

REXXON says that the State Department will respond to the ousting of US diplomats in Russia by Sept. 1, but first he needs to form a committee he can micromanage, grab some lunch, and take another nap.

Oil lobbyists notched a big win right before the Senate fucked off for vacation, approving Republicans Neil Chatterjee and Robert Powelson to the Federal Energy Regulatory Commission. They’re expected to pave the way for pipelines across America. It’s about priorities.

Republicans are already running a not-so-secret shadow campaign ahead of 2020 with Tom Cotton, Ben Sasse, John Kasich, and people are even eye fucking Mike Pence, an allegation that has sent Pence cowering under Mother’s dress .

Arizona Republican Sen. Jeff Flake is running his mouth about Trump (again) as he makes the rounds to promote his new book, and drag his poll numbers out of the gutter.

Rural farmers are wallowing in pig shit as the rest of the world moves ahead on international trade deals that Trump and President Bannon think are killing the US economy.

Trump is dumping regulations on federal lands so that a few coal miners can chop down mountains and put some sludge into the water cycle.

Republican governors are increasing police in distressed neighborhoods without talking with local cops, activists or residents in an effort to crack down on violent crime. What could go wrong?

The Department of Veterans Affairs inspector general released a report highlighting the psychological impacts of non-VA doctors prescribing opiates to veterans, because things weren’t already bad enough for vets.

Salt Lake City Mayor Ben McAdams has been secretly hanging out in homeless shelters in order “deepen” his understanding of the current homeless system. Somebody give this man a hug!

The city of Chicago wants to sue the Justice Department for withholding money from sanctuary cities. Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel accused the DOJ of being blackmailed, a crime which if familiar for every politician in Chicago.

Afghans are worried Trump might “You’re Fired” Gen. John Nicholson Jr., with one senior Afghan official stating that the uncertainty carries a risk that “America will lose its credibility.” So, the good news is America still has some credibility…in Afghanistan…for now.

As Moscow dumps soldiers and shadow media campaigns into Eastern Europe, the US is training soldiers to operate in Baltic States as part of a NATO build up that old people getting nostalgic hardons for the Cold War.

In a bold step at eradicating the kaiju menace, Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe asked the world to abolish nuclear weapons on the 72nd anniversary of the Hiroshima bomb

A military base in Venezuela was attacked by a group calling for a rebellion against President Nicolas Maduro, who has been cracking whips and skulls against protesters while ratcheting up his particular brand of authoritarianism.

Cambridge Analytica has been fucking around in Kenya ahead of its presidential elections. A recent survey found that over 90 percent of Kenyans had seen bogus news stories, with both candidates dumping oodles of cash to woo potential voters.

A Swiss prosecutor resigned from a UN panel investigating war crimes in Syria when it became apparent that nobody really wants to fuck with Syrian cooties.

The UN Security Council voted to place new sanctions on North Korea, and now North Korea’s manbaby-in-chief is throwing a temper tantrum.

CNN’s ex-resident Trump spox Kayleigh McEnany just surfaced as the host of Trump’s teevee channel on BookFace to spout some state-sanctioned propaganda in Newspeak about all the winning, straight from the the Ministry’s of Love and Plenty.

Mark Zuckerberg has “Your Hired” Hillary Clinton’s pollster, Joel Benenson, because he’s a philanthropist and he’s thinking about his philanthropy, and totally not exploring a run at the White House in 2020.

Ana Marie Cox had a nice interview with Nicole Wallace, who may or may not be our new super secret talking head teevee crush.

And here’s your late night wrap-up! Stephen Colbert asked if Jesus was pissed about the WWE’s trademark of “3:16”Chelsea Handler had a pre-exit interview with Sarah Huckabee SandersBill Maher pointed out the hypocrisy of RepublicansJohn Oliver ‘splained Border Patrol hiring practices;

And here’s your morning Nice Time! African Penguins!

We like money just as much as you do, so why not share some of your Ameros with us? 

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  • Nounverb911
    • The Wanderer

      Don’t let Pence see this. The amount of jizz leaking from his panties will be reminiscent of the tidal wave of blood from The Shining.

      • Phoenixdoglover

        Mamma mia! Why yes, a cup of coffee would be splendid!

    • Canned Covfefe

      Touche

    • SeeTrain65

      “I don’t drink coffee. But I’ll have some.”

  • Nounverb911
    • Canned Covfefe

      Mmm-mmm… And that’s not the coffe

  • Nounverb911
    • TundraGrifter

      That’s “Dr.!” Schaden Freude to you!

  • persistently_resistant_gayby

    The most depressing Wonkagenda yet…

    How much more long of this nightmare..?

  • Joe Beese

    Salt Lake City is to the rest of Utah what Austin is to the rest of Texas.

    • Elvis Causticfellow
    • Scooby

      Park City libels!

    • armed_bears

      Where football goes to die?

    • chortlingdingo

      All the big cities in Texas are pretty blue, but Austin’s just the loudest about it.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    I’m glad I don’t live in Arizona for a lot of reasons, one of them being I don’t have to commit to a position on Flake’s re-election. I think my current position is that if there must be a Republican in that seat, let it be an anti-Trump Republican. Right?

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      I’m glad you don’t live in Arizona too, for a lot of reasons. That said, don’t ever trust Flake. His gripe with Trump is that he is not a “true conservative”; i.e., Trump’s reasons for wanting to destroy the social safety net and set this country back 100 years is different from Flake’s reasons for wanting to do the same. Flake is more libertarian the modern hardcore Republican, but he has voted almost 100% with the Trump agenda so far….then complains about it later. The sad part is that there is a good chance we’ll end up with some chemtrail nutter a damn sight worse than Flake.

    • P’jama Pahnts

      As much as I like Arizona, there’s something not quite right about millions of people living where there’s no water.

      • Erala Contratista

        And you daren’t drink from the tap! Me old Mum would get so annoyed when I’d go straight to the market upon deplaning and buy a mess of bottled.

  • MynameisBlarney

    Isn’t facespace supposed to be blocking fake news?

    Shouldn’t Dampnuts blatantly obvious propaganda outlet qualify as exactly that?

    • OneYieldRegular

      The real news story should be whowhatever plastic surgeon botoxed Lara Trump’s lips. They are terrifying.

  • Beowoof14

    Well after that list, I feel that coffee with whiskey may become my new morning drink.

    • OutOfOrbit

      it is rather overwhelming!

    • MynameisBlarney

      INORITE!?!

      Good thing I never tool that bottle of rum home.

    • Phoenixdoglover

      Why ruin a perfectly good whiskey?

    • TundraGrifter

      Café Royale – the breakfast of champions. Although on a recent flight I had a Bailey’s and coffee and it’s pretty good.

      • SeeTrain65

        Crown Royal and bacon grease. You don’t drink it, you fry your pancakes in it.

    • The Wanderer

      Absinthe and tequila – what was I thinking?

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        If you remember what you were thinking, try upping the dosage.

    • chascates

      The workingman’s combo is Tang orange mix and Everclear.

      • SeeTrain65

        Best I can manage is ground up medications washed down with Metamucil, with two or three hits of rescue inhaler for an extra punch.

    • From Russia with Love

      Bloody Marys. Get some fiber while you’re working on your buzz.

  • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

    Trump teevee? We already have a Trump teevee channel.
    Who knew there were that many telegenic fascist sexual predators/newsreaders with great legs?

    • Bill D. Burger

      The opening puke-fest of praise for Trump was soo’ cringeworthy that it came across as an over-the-top SNL skit…featuring Kayleigh Trumplicker.
      (*Warning: May make ears bleed.)

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iA6CzW-S8VE

      • SeeTrain65

        Emmelemm hasn’t been around these parts in about a year or two, at least, but I’m still going with “Emmelemm’s Rule #1”:

        “Don’t watch the video.”

  • Nounverb911

    I bet it’s somewhere in New Jersey.
    https://twitter.com/JakeSherman/status/894545738570452992

    • SeeTrain65

      Just look where shady deals are being made.

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    Trump has been secretly outsourcing policy making to lobbying groups

    #1) Why would anyone think this guy has any policy ideas
    #2) By how horrible these policies are they can only be written by clueless special interests with no actual public interest behind their efforts

  • Gayer Than Thou

    I think I’m going to just watch videos of swimming penguins all day.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Prudent course of action.

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      Go back not very far in the overnight open thread and there are surfing dogs and a cat.

  • The Wanderer

    ” . . . lawsuits that accuse Trump of trying to obscure the basic functions of government with parlor tricks and shadow puppets.”
    But they’re the biggest, classiest, YOOGEST parlor tricks and shadow puppets!

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    Republican governors are increasing police in distressed neighborhoods without talking with local cops, activists or residents in an effort to crack down on violent crime. What could go wrong?

    Oh I don’t know… mistrust of the cops, another Midwestern Crime wave with the public not wanting to help the police out in any way at all?

    https://www.biography.com/.image/t_share/MTE4MDAzNDEwMTgxNjU0MDMw/image-title2.jpg

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      God, that pic of Bonnie is so hawt!!!!

      • OutOfOrbit

        Fay D. was hotter

        • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

          Nothing like the real thing!

      • Elvis Causticfellow

        There’s something about a gal with a seegar.

  • Nounverb911
  • chascates

    And we’ve gotten 2-3/4″ of rain overnight in Central Texas. May only get to the low 90s today!!!

  • Bill D. Burger

    Penguins are so cool. When they fall, they sound just like I do: ~SPLAT!~
    “___Ahhhhh!…FUCK!”

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jquuIm9Cj9o

    • Lance Thrustwell

      I’m sure herring see them as remorseless death machines, but to me, penguins are composed entirely of cute.

      • SDGeoff3

        But smelly. Very smelly.

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      I need that as a ring tone.

  • Nounverb911

    Are you good at rearranging deck chairs?
    Do you know the words to “Nearer, My God, to Thee”?
    Can you swim?

    Here’s the job for you!
    https://twitter.com/WhiteHouse/status/894263312359227392

    • Suttree

      Are you interested in learning about the RICO Act?

      • Can i intern for Mueller’s team instead? I think that would be a LOT more fun and educational

        • Suttree

          Friday night karaoke is super fun too!

      • therblig

        Females only: Are you “grabbable” and at least an 8?

        • Maggielle

          Are there age restrictions? Cause I’m so old I don’t have a number any more, and oh boy could I have some subversive (but wholesome) fun while protecting the boy and girl interns.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Sigh. I wonder what the Barack and Michelle Obama are doing now?

    • Phoenixdoglover

      Probably having their first cup of delicious Folgers while reading the morning paper.

      • Suttree

        Who gets the crossword? Inquiring minds want to know!

        • Maggielle

          Hmm. I’ll bet they print out three copies and they and the girls have a race to see who finishes first, and it’s Michelle.

    • Suttree

      Smiling after their morning sex?

    • MynameisBlarney

      Battling the forces of eeeeville behind the scenes?

    • MynameisBlarney

      https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DGesSVVUAAEn4Wh.jpg

      Inspiring people to be awesome?

      • SeeTrain65

        “And now you know … the rest of the story.”

        (Sorry, didn’t want to go with Paul Harvey, but couldn’t think of anything else.)

      • Wow that made me tear up.

        • MynameisBlarney

          Yeah, it’s heart-wrenching ain’t it?

    • BigCSouthside

      Obviously meeting with Soros and the illuminati deep state to get Donald Trump

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    Salt Lake City Mayor Ben McAdams has been secretly hanging out in homeless shelters in order “deepen” his understanding of the current homeless system. Somebody give this man a hug!

    This is what compassion and understanding look like!

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Maybe he can lend some to Ben Carson.

    • OutOfOrbit

      a city’s mayor can really help; my occasional $5 or $10 a street signer is too little

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      I hope so. I’d wonder though if his ‘deeper understanding’ led to homeless people being bussed to Pocatello.

  • Nounverb911
    • Mavenmaven

      They should elect man leaders like we do.

      • From Russia with Love

        We should elect women leaders like they do.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Mother finds it unseemly?
      For someone who married a dolt like Mike Pence, her standards are certainly not consistent.

      • Maggielle

        I don’t know. I have a suspicion that she’s invented a form of invisible eye-rolling.

  • Walter Wellstone

    Shadow puppets? No puppet, no puppet; you’re the shadow puppet!

  • Suttree

    I just brought my penguin pillow home from Lizzie’s. He is comfy and cuddly! https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/f5a834e6888568cc1cc0c276e69f0b2c7123bb287d9b68aa3073ff1ae1bc0070.jpg

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      How do you deal with the persistent odour of plush fish?

      • Suttree

        Heavy alcohol and frequent washings. My poor little baby! I shall give him a wash today. He goes in with the shirts.

        • Komsumverweigerer Ron

          I try to keep my plush away from washing machines, but if you must, with other laundry is best. And air-dry.
          When I lived Up North I would wash Jennifer in the lake and let her fur dry on the deck railing. I miss being able to do that. I’m not sure she’d survive a dunking in Lake Erie.

          • Suttree

            Penguin has always resided at Lizzie’s. She washed and dried him at some point and he came out nice and squeaky clean! I

          • Komsumverweigerer Ron

            Let’s face it, mon ami. No matter how hard we try, women are just better at some things than we guys ever will be.

          • Suttree

            I still think that I will remain in the kitchen until she figures out how to cook bacon.

          • Komsumverweigerer Ron

            Well, yeah, that’s just self-defense.

  • Nounverb911
    • The Wanderer

      HIs silence is deafening because Mr. Tone-deaf has nothing in his head to show empathy or to alter his preconceived notions.

    • Mavenmaven

      Why, it wasn’t an attack on “real Americans”, only Cosmopolitans would care.

    • Sedagive ’em Hell

      The USA comments section on the story will make you laugh/cry/wonder if reality-based-Americans have finally abandoned all efforts to engage in an online “dialogue” : https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2017/08/06/minnesota-mosque-bombing-reaction/543794001/

  • BadKitty904

    OT: Speaking of the 2020 election…

    Voting Machine Hackers Have 5 Tips to Save the Next Election
    https://www.wired.com/story/voting-machine-hackers-5-tips/

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Blackest Noobs

      what does that have to do Five Guys Burgers?

      • MynameisBlarney

        Do what now?

        • Blackest Noobs

          the photo…it looks like taken in a Five Guys Burger…east coast burger chain.

          • SeeTrain65

            The best fast food burgers in the USA. Except they’re not.

            Never been to either, but I continue to hear constantly how In-N-Out Burger beats Five Guys by a mile and a half.

            (I’ll never know, tho. … I’ve nearly abandoned meat, and not by choice.)

          • Blackest Noobs

            i wouldn’t know…there are no in n out burgers….but honestly burgers are not rocket science…fucking it up means you’re just a horrible cook because burgers are that fucking easy.

          • SeeTrain65

            Me: “You’d have to be pretty incompetent to fuck up a hamburger.”

            McDonald’s: “Hold My Beer.”

          • Blackest Noobs

            yeah…those ARE not hamburgers…not even by a little bit.

  • The Wanderer

    When Melania takes a healthy shit
    Do odors foul the air?
    The ones that you and I expel,
    That rot our underwear?
    Or does it hint of frankincense
    And other fragrance rare?
    I wonder.

    When Melania takes a healthy shit
    Do angels on high praise
    Their frosty, feathered protege
    For adopting human ways?
    Or do they gag and flap their wings
    To clear away the haze?
    I wonder.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      OH my god that’s great. It sounds like it’s modeled on a well-known poem, but I’m not placing it.

      • The Wanderer

        These are the only two verses I know from memory. First read it in a Hustler magazine back about 1980, and it was about Farrah Fawcett. Finally found the whole thing on Reddit:

        When Farrah takes a healthy shit
        Do odors foul the air?
        The ones that you and I expel,
        That rot our underwear?
        Or does it hint of frankincense
        And other fragrance rare?
        I wonder?

        When Farrah drops her lacy briefs
        And nestles down her butt,
        Does Farrah scan graffitied walls
        And leer at shithouse smut?
        Are her feces tapered
        So her asshole won’t slam shut?
        I wonder?

        Does diarhea ever strike,
        Do tacos give her gas?
        Do zits adorn her leeward side,
        and mar this gorgeous lass?

        When Farrah takes a healthy shit
        Do rectal muscles strain,
        To pass a turd of titan size,
        Do hemorrhoids cause her pain?
        Has constipation ever turned
        her bowels to links of chain?
        I wonder?

        When Farrah takes a healthy shit
        Do angels on high praise
        Their frosty, earthbound protege,
        For adopting human ways?
        Or do they gag and flap their wings
        To clear away the haze?
        I wonder?

        When Farrah oh so beautiful
        Must harken to the call,
        That nature makes to each of us
        The mighty and the small,
        I wish I were a toilet seat
        behind that hallowed stall,
        Or do I?

        • TundraGrifter

          When the King Tut Exhibit came to America I pasted a picture of his iconic gold headdress around a photo of her face.

          Pharaoh Fawcett.

  • Nounverb911
    • The Wanderer

      QUITTER!

    • Lance Thrustwell

      That weird lookin’ hypocritical obtuse FREAK!

    • Carpe Vagenda

      CNN has a Trumpbot position open.

    • Reximus

      Lerned everything he knows about career suicide from Palin

    • TundraGrifter

      Who does he think he is, Duh Gov’?

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      And yet somehow this fails to surprise.

    • cmd resistor

      Giving Rick Santorum a run for dumbest ex legislator to get a TV position.

      • Rick Santorum. What is he doing now? I do miss his self-righteous brand of stoopid.

        • cmd resistor

          As far as I know he’s a pundit representing the stoopid on CNN.

          • That’s what I get for not having teevee. No more Santorum…

    • SeeTrain65

      IOKWIDI (It’s OK When I Do It)

  • Carpe Vagenda

    So, Dominic, I found it seriously amusing, but you might not have meant to link the Bernie mention to an article about Michael Flynn’s russian ties.

  • beingreleased

    Why did Trump go on a deranged tweet-storm this morning? It’s raining in New Jersey so he can’t golf and has nothing better to do.
    http://shareblue.com/bad-weather-on-trumps-first-day-of-vacation-leads-to-massive-collusion-tantrum/

    • The Wanderer

      He could golf in a lightning storm. It’s fun!

      • vivian

        I hope he goes full Trevino.

        • TundraGrifter

          Dulce!

          • PubOption

            …et decorum est, pro patria mori?

          • TundraGrifter

            A poor bastard doesn’t become a hero dying for his country. He becomes a hero by making some other poor bastard die for his country.

            ~ Gen. George C. Patton (more or less – it’s from the movie, where President Trump learned everything he knows about him)

      • Nounverb911
      • beingreleased

        “Not even God himself can stop me!!! HaHaHaHa “

        • The Wanderer

          Caddyshack ref ftw!

          • From Russia with Love

            There is no god.

      • Marion in Savannah

        In that case, hold up a #2 iron. Even God can’t hit a 2 iron…

        • The Wanderer

          I heard that was a one-iron.

          • TundraGrifter

            It was. Lee Trevino.

          • From Russia with Love

            Either one.

      • TheGrandWazoo2

        I was cleaning my boss’s swimming pool one day during a lightning storm many years ago and then it struck me…not the lightning, but the “what the fuck am I doing standing on the top of this hill with a metal pole stuck in the water during a lightning storm!”

        • The Wanderer

          Sometimes revelations come easy.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time
    • Suttree

      It does feel like it’s about to rain.

      • The Wanderer

        It’s a hard rain gonna fall.

        • Suttree
        • Elvis Causticfellow

          When you go down in the flood, it’s gonna be your fault.

          • beingreleased

            High water rising, shacks are sliding down.

          • The Wanderer

            I feel the rivers overflowing.

        • TundraGrifter

          Who will stop the rain?

          • The Wanderer

            I’m singing in the rain!

      • Carpe Vagenda

        It’s yellow-grey up here on the west bank.

        • Suttree

          The temp just dropped a few degrees here on the first Watchung mountains.

      • janecita

        It’s raining nonstop here.

        • Suttree

          I love rain. I miss New Orleans. It fucking RAINED down there! Up here in Jersey people say that it’s pouring when it is but a slight sprinkle.

          • The Wanderer

            That’s because you only get staid, restrained Presbyterian rains up north. Down South, you get real Baptist downpours.

          • Marion in Savannah

            Otherwise known as frog chokers. (The 3 types of rain are: 1) dust settler, 2) garbage mover, and 3) frog choker.)

          • Erala Contratista

            Also, toad strangler, too.

          • Oblios_Cap

            We’ve gotten so much in N. FL that tree limbs are starting to fall form being waterlogged. At least, that’s what’s happening in my neighborhood.

          • Suttree

            Baptists love going to hell!

          • Elvis Causticfellow

            It’s more than rain that falls on our parade tonight
            It’s more than thunder, it’s more than thunder.

          • Suttree

            It’s more tan sad times.

      • chortlingdingo

        I woke up to thunderstorms and flash flood warnings this morning. South Texas always floods from this kind of rain.

    • Ωbjectifier

      Someday a real rain will come and wash all this scum off the streets.

      • vivian

        Taxi Driver ref FTW!

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          You talkin’ to me?

    • TundraGrifter

      “Hard to believe that with 24/7 #Fake News on CNN, ABC, NBC, CBS, NYTIMES & WAPO, the Trump base is getting stronger!”

      Now there’s a Tweet from the Trumpster Fire I can agree with!

      • The Wanderer

        Their collective BO is getting stronger.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Found Kelly’s “confiscated” drawer….

  • Reximus
  • Nounverb911
  • TheGrandWazoo2

    Trump has doubled down on his first 100 days of getting nothing done by getting even more nothing done in his second hundred days.

    • Sedagive ’em Hell

      Even better (from his perspective): he’s undoing things other people have done.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        And this is the big story that the media are ignoring.

        • Sedagive ’em Hell

          Agreed: the damage already done to EPA, Interior, DOE, etc. is heartbreaking.

      • Incoming Ham

        He’s making his mark.

        Pissing on the constitution.

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      Nothin’ from nothin’ is nothin.’

      • armed_bears

        5th Beatle shout-out!

    • BadKitty904

      And while Putin’s Poodle continues to distract Americans, the Republican Congress continues to gut our naiton’s laws and safeguards…

    • cmd resistor

      Time flies when you are going down the drain.

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      I don’t see this as a problem. The staff leaving government agencies, that brain drain is worse, as is the rollback of many administrative initiatives, especially environmental ones.

  • Nounverb911
  • efoveks

    Nice Pacific Rim reference, Dominic! :)

    • Suttree

      I just watched it 2 days ago. It is stupid as fuck, yet enjoyable.

      • Oblios_Cap

        It’s been running on cable for about a week now. I, too, saw it on Saturday. I’ll watch anything with Idris Elba.

        • We want more Luther!

        • chortlingdingo

          Oh me too. I saw The Dark Tower yesterday. It wasn’t great, but not bad either. Would’ve been better as a series than a movie. But Idris Elba, man. He’s always lovely.

      • Courser_Resistance

        Agreed. I pop it into the DVD player when I need to watch some meaningless battle scenes.

        • Suttree

          I don’t have it in my quex.

      • Persistent Demme

        I haven’t had this much stupid fun since “Beastmaster!”
        And the theme!
        Totally underrated!

      • efoveks

        A great bad movie for a Saturday afternoon. :)

  • I remember a little fishing expedition in Iraq looking for WMDs. We couldn’t catch any.

    Had to buy the WMDs from the store on the way home.
    http://www.azquotes.com/picture-quotes/quote-simply-stated-there-is-no-doubt-that-saddam-hussein-now-has-weapons-of-mass-destruction-donald-rumsfeld-64-61-71.jpg

    Embarrassing

    • Suttree

      To the east, west, south, and north!

    • BadKitty904

      Are ALL Donald’s lying, traitorous dicks?

      • Edith Prickly

        Donald Duck libellzz!

        • Oblios_Cap

          He is sort of a dick, though.

    • TundraGrifter

      We knew Saddam Insane had WMD because we’d saved the receipts.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        Paul Mooney!!

    • Les Appentis De la résistance

      They were shipped to Syria, remember? ISIS sucks as bad as us at finding them.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Aren’t they somewhat north, south, east and west of Baghdad?

      • Antonin Dvorak

        Baghdad? And here I was looking in Tikrit this whole time. Man, do I feel foolish.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Pence is afraid Donnie might shit-can him when he hears about the NYT article.

    • The Wanderer

      Of course he is. All the more reason to keep up the sapping operation.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Unfortunately (or fortunately) Donnie can’t touch him.
      He would need to be impeached.

      • Oblios_Cap

        Trump probably doesn’t know that.

        • Ghenghis McCann

          I’ll just add it to the list of things Trump doesn’t know.

  • Me not sure
    • The Wanderer

      #notallkaiju Gamera is a friend to all children!

      • Kateaux

        Gamera is really neat!
        Gamera is filled with meat!
        We’ve been eating Gamera!

      • Me not sure

        🎶Gamera is full of meat…🎵
        McConnell has ruined his good name forever.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Seal the breach!

    • Persistent Demme

      Send in the Jagers!
      (And Charlie Hunnam.)
      (And Idris Elba.)

  • calliecallie

    Tom Cotton’s not thinking of running for president, I hope. He committed treason before the cool kids started doing it.

    • Brendan_M

      Cotton is saying he’ll kill any legislative attempt to block Trump from firing Mueller, suggesting he’s loyal until the end. Which makes me think he’ll be first in line to knife Trump in the back when the time comes, because he is one duplicitous piece of shit.

      • PubOption

        Et tu Byssum?

  • Little Lulu Ω
    • From Russia with Love

      If you can’t get pussy with your wit and charm, you may as well become a Republican.

    • LesBontemps

      Shouldn’t that be “My penis in a goat” ?

  • BigCSouthside

    Omfg I watched the Kayleigh McEnany thing. It’s WORSE than fox. What the fuck is happening to this country.

    Also, Facebook. Fake news. Block that shit

  • Les Appentis De la résistance

    “Rural farmers are wallowing in pig shit as the rest of the world moves ahead on international trade deals”

    Oh boo hoo. Some factory pig farm owners and BigAg can’t continue despoiling the environment, while providing little employment to mostly illegals. The biggest problem with the trade deals is that they only benefit BigAg while all the manufacturing jobs get sent to Asia. Fuck them.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Baconz libel!

    • TundraGrifter

      “Trade deals” are blamed by our President because he doesn’t understand finance and the economy of America.

      I recommend “Glass House: The 1% Economy and the Shattering of the All-American” by Brian Alexander. The Tax Code has a great deal to do with the decline of American manufacturing (although I recently read it has increased something like 17% during the final few years of the second Obama Administration; jobs are another story).

      Don’t understand the impact of simple greed. Wall Street bloodsuckers sweeping up companies and breaking them up for profit that produced nothing but money for the few devastated Middle America and our manufacturing base.

  • Lyly Sirivong

    Something is imploding… and it’s not the ACA…

    • From Russia with Love

      Promise?

      • Lyly Sirivong

        I’d love to make a promise, but I don’t want anyone (including myself) to be disappointed. A strong hope, I’d say.

  • Raan

    Guy, I know we said literally anyone else 2020, but maybe we could pick someone with actual political experience rather than another fucking businessman.

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      How about a D-list rock musician?

      • From Russia with Love

        D-list rock musician is Republican A-list.

        • amrak63

          Spinal Tap or GTFO.

    • Edith Prickly

      To do that, I think people will have to make a concerted effort to kill that “in America, anyone can be president!” mythology once and for all. US president is one of the most powerful positions in the world, yet this notion persists that someone who isn’t a politician would be better than someone who is. Try and think of any other high-profile job where a complete lack of knowledge is considered an advantage. The media is completely to blame for this too. Remember that idiotic obsession they had with “which candidate would you rather have a beer with?” As if any voter is ever actually going to have a beer with the President.

      (That said, I would have beers with Obama and Hillary any day over John McCain, Mitt Romney or George W. Bush. Bush and McCain would be mean drunks and Romney’s not allowed to drink.)

      • Raan

        Well, if anything is capable of wiping out that myth, it’d be this administration.

      • Ghenghis McCann

        Didn’t somebody once say, “The greatest thing about America is that anyone can become President. The worst thing about America is that anyone can become President.”?

      • Raan

        Also, I would love to be DD for a Bill/Hillary-Barack/Michelle double bar date.

        • Edith Prickly

          Don’t forget OHJB and Dr. Jill.

      • amrak63

        THIS.

        Would you want an amateur mechanic fixing your brakes?

        Would you want an amateur lawyer defending you if you were (mistakenly) accused of a crime?

        Would you want an amateur surgeon cutting you open, assisted by an amateur anesthesiologist and a team of amateur nurses?

        Would you want…

        http://i.imgur.com/pV2RpSg.jpg

        • AuntyMaude

          Exactly! I wanted to ask every dipshit who voted for the unthinkable choice over the most savvy, qualified, experienced person who has ever run: So if you discovered a suspicious and concerning mole that just popped up suddenly, would you go to your mechanic or your baker for treatment? If not, why not? And furthermore, ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR F-ING MIND?

      • AuntyMaude

        Some lucky people got to have Mittens scorn their cookies.

    • TundraGrifter

      Herbert Hoover libelz!

  • Carpe Vagenda

    Noooooo, do not have a crush on Nicolle Wallace. She tried to put Sarah Palin a heartbeat from the OO when she couldn’t even bring herself to vote for her. I don’t want to have to be polite to her on virtual Thanksgiving.

  • TundraGrifter

    “CNN’s ex-resident Trump spox Kayleigh McEnany just surfaced as the host of Trump’s teevee channel…”

    What a pack of lies! What has President Trump done to “create more than 1,000,000 jobs?”

    Just how has he “steered the economy in the right direction?” He inherited a good economy and he hasn’t yet been in office long enough to screw it up.

    As Al Gore said about George Bush, he’s the rooster taking credit for the sunrise.

    • But, you overlooked the most important issue: she is very blond.

      • TundraGrifter

        Blondes are bad luck.

        • TheFamilyThalamusPersists

          Hey!!! Now,now!!

          • TundraGrifter

            Nothing personal. I only speak from experience.

  • eyelashviper

    For Shitgibbon Trump, getting up and tweeting is work, and who knew it was so hard?

    http://www.suprmchaos.com/lumpy_summer-tour_080717.jpg

  • TundraGrifter

    The Bottom Line on Mr. Trump’s foreign policy/diplomacy. He makes it personal. Putin says nice things about him, so Putin is a great guy. Other world leaders push back so they are jerks.

    This is a terrible idea. Particularly since Mr. Trump is so difficult to get along with.

    It has been observed that nations don’t have friends – they have alliances. It is vital to keep personalities out of the equation. Leaders come and go – countries continue.

    • Kerlyssa

      but. but. what about our Special Relationship w the UK? was it all a lie to get into our pants???

      • TundraGrifter

        Interesting book about that – “Fighting with Allies.”

  • Carpe Vagenda
  • Reximus
    • Ghenghis McCann

      “Listen. if you plead guilty, you could be out in a couple of years.”

    • Persistent Demme

      Awww…

      Dog Park sign:
      “It’s all fun and games until someone ends up in a cone!”

    • Cats are whores.

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    I’ve been keen on the idea that trump’s model of business behavior is the WWE. All other nation’s leaders are simply spokesmen for their wrestling persona, as trump is “Merika’s”. In his mind, it’s all a scam, and, to some extent, his base is in on it, as audiences at WWE don’t really believe wrestling is actual. It’s a comfortable fiction, but one he believes in. Stephen Colbert just took it one step further…

    • Jamoche

      Yeah. Since he’s a pathological liar, he believes everyone else is too:

      There is a moment in Donald Trump’s phone call, a week after his Inauguration, with the Australian Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull…when Trump seems to think he understands his counterpart. It comes, tellingly, at a point when he also decides that the Prime Minister has been lying to the public.

      “What is the thing with boats?” Trump says. “Why do you discriminate against boats? No, I know, they come from certain regions. I get it.”

      He thought he got, in other words, that Turnbull didn’t want to discriminate against boats but did want to discriminate against people coming from “certain regions”—regions that, Trump seemed to imagine, were both full of undesirables and a boat’s length from Sydney. That would, after all, be a version of the semantic trick that Trump had tried himself when he was asked, in an interview with Lesley Stahl, how he would get a ban on Muslims entering the United States past the courts: “We’ll call it territories, O.K.?”

      http://www.newyorker.com/news/daily-comment/why-trumps-phone-call-with-australias-prime-minister-will-haunt-him-in-court

    • Moar Wordz

      He suspends the disbelief of the masses. Pure theater & what is Trump if not an actor ? Suddenly Tweeting policy is normal. The White House is a dump. Behind the scenes, ICE is given more unconstitutional priveledges, the EPA is censored on Social media and within it’s own administration and Comey is Fired.

  • Zyxomma

    I love the beaded bracelets on the penguins.

  • It’s so fun to see penguins fly underwater. Are those penguin friendship bracelets on their wings?

    • Ghenghis McCann

      These are criminal penguins, who are on parole and under a curfew. They have to wear those electronic tags, so the cops can check they’re not somewhere they shouldn’t be, at a time they shouldn’t be out.

      • TundraGrifter

        That’s the price they pay for doing something fishy.

      • Manhattan123

        They go to too many fancy events.

      • H0mer0

        they are “African” penguins after all, n’est pas? But I thought they had this water thing…/sn

    • (((Aron)))

      It’s so their human friends can identify them!

  • Marla

    Now that is surprising. Rosenstein knows the farce of a president he serves under is a fuckstain to justice. My guess is Rosenstein is going to remain neutral on this as much as possible while hoping that orange bloated bag of shit and his gaggle of criminals will be indicted.

    This one is for you, Rosenstein
    https://youtu.be/Jv-knusIj0w

  • TundraGrifter

    From AP over the weekend – South Carolina Electric & Gas and Santee Cooper paid $10 BILLION on nuclear energy production projects that haven’t – and won’t – produced as much electricity as a single AAA battery.

    But the ratepayers are on the hook for the tab.

    Just another example of how private enterprise often isn’t very efficient.

    I’ve noticed the Regressives tout the private sector as being so much better at wisely spending money than the Federal government. When faced with examples such as this one, they go off on how capitalism involves destruction and reconstruction and that’s its greatest strength.

    • CripesAmighty

      Au contraire. It’s very efficient–at funneling mountains of money from the population into the pockets of the rich.

      • yyyaz

        Just ask the $200 billion man, Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin.

        • amrak63

          Vladimir Satanovich Putin (h/t Joe Cannon at Cannonfire).

          FIFY.

  • I’ve mentioned before Rod Rosenstein reminds me of every girlfriend’s over-protective dad Wally Cleaver had to meet, every snippy McMann & Tate client Samantha and Darren had to hide a polkadot elephant from, and every persnickety store clerk Hazel had to face down.

    Here’s to the Nation’s Top 50s/60s Stereotyped Nebbish Every Man!

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/3417c75fca13fb2006b33717caa080d702ba4327f85f7e5f6ce8ae29f37378de.jpg

    “G-g-gee, Mr Bloomingstock! I’m sorta nervous and tingly about taking Betty to the Ice Cream Parlor. C-can you show me (gulp) just what boys and girls do on a date? Say, is it just me or is it getting awful warm in here?”

    -NOT THE BEAVER

  • drsue

    Ben McAdams is the Salt Lake County mayor, not the SLC mayor. Jackie Biskupski is the SLC mayor.

    • yyyaz

      County mayor, huh. U just keeping being U, Utah.

      • drsue

        I don’t make the governmental structure, i just live here ;-).

    • M.E. Lawrence

      Fascinating place, Utah. The SLC Tribune endorsed both Obama and Clinton. And remember that passel of Utahns greeting an Afghani immigrant family at the airport, as noted right here in Wonketteville?

      https://wonkette.com/611254/nice-time-watch-hundreds-of-utahns-greet-the-last-arriving-refugees-for-now

      Quite a few of my tribe, including several who later became passionate Dems, were Utah Mormons. I suppose I should visit some year, as long as the local LDS bosses don’t find out about my antecedents. The LDS are bloodhounds. They can track you down anywhere.

  • yyyaz

    So we no longer have a “homeless problem,” it is a “homeless system.” Nice progress, Merka.

    • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

      No longer “homeless problem”. Just ”excessive campers”.

      • BearWithPreExistingVotes

        The Alternatively Settled.

        • AuntyMaude

          Between places.

  • SisterArtemis

    Two things:
    DID YOU DONATE? DID YOU CHIP IN ON THE SALARIES ETC OF OUR WONKETTE? I just sent my Alexander Hamilton their way, and even if it’s just a George Washington buck, that’s a buck well spent. And, as The Mom of Us says, if you don’t have it to give financially, don’t, but Sister A says please play with us in the comment threads, and tell all your friends about Wonkette!

    And, second, Are you in the PNW? And more importantly, ARE YOU COMING TO OUR DRINK ON AUGUST 12th? You should! I may not be able to get off work, but Kiri the Unicorn is hosting this afternoon-evening drinky at the fabled Unicorn Ranch of Lebanon Oregon, and all the cool kids will be there. Need directions or other info? Reply to this comment, and I’ll get back to you.

    • HazooToo

      Paid my caps, can’t make it to the drinky. Hope you guys have fun, and post pictures!

    • Yey, thank you!

    • kareemachan

      I did, even though I couldn’t make the get-together in Anacortes. (Sniff, lip-quiver)

  • MAZS

    Wallace has always come off as a normal and comparatively reasonable person. I suspect she was a Republican the same way someone is, say, a Presbyterian—she was simply raised that way (her parents having voted for Trump). She’s been slowly walking away from at least the more extremist aspects of today’s Republicans. Who knows, she may become a political atheist yet.

    • Manhattan123

      Her and Steve Schmidt, even though they worked on the McCain-Palin clusterfuck (hey, they are Republicans), strike me as not totally batshit insane and totally evil. Also, Schmidt was very good playing the bartender on Cheers.

  • andyshelt

    “Staff at the US Department of Agriculture (USDA) have been told to avoid
    using the term climate change in their work, with the officials
    instructed to reference “weather extremes” instead.”

    “Mentions of the dangers of climate change have been removed from the
    websites of the White House and the Department of the Interior, while
    the EPA scrapped its entire online climate section in April pending a
    review that will be “updating language to reflect the approach of new
    leadership”.
    ……………………………………………………………………………………………………..
    And they call this leadership? Never has a word been so misused.

    https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2017/aug/07/usda-climate-change-language-censorship-emails

    • Maybe

      The only way Repubs can ‘win’ an argument these days is by changing what words mean.

      And damn, they’re good at it.

      • Baby Blue

        At least they’re not shutting down free speech.

        • kareemachan

          Oh, they’re trying. Think about the amount of BS they are spewing about reporters….

        • Maybe

          They’re corrupting and eviscerating it, which is worse. It’s bad when people can’t hear free speech. It’s worse when what they get is a steady diet of misinformation, pandering, and bigotry.

  • Moar Wordz

    Orwellian. They’re telling us what to write now….

  • Baby Blue

    Mueller can’t go fishing, even though he wants to.

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