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It’s been a while since we have visited the Men Going Their Own Way. Primarily because the Incels have been SO HILARIOUS and terrifying — but they turned their subreddit private, and we must soldier on until they open it up again.

Admittedly, I am a little bummed, because how else am I going to know about all the men I am giving tinnitus to?

UGH. Unfair!

Luckily the Men Going Their Own Way are here to pick up the slack. One of the top posts over there this week is this beautiful story about a guy who “did the math” on how many miles of penis his girlfriend had sexed.

The title of this post is “He actually did the math… Sad thing is, almost every girl will be the same!”

Although the idea of some idiot dude doing a bunch of penis math and then driving TEN POINT 45 WHOLE MILES while steaming about all the miles of dick his girlfriend has had inside of her, it turns out that this Buster Jenkins fella is maybe fudging the truth on this one. As someone in the comments section points out, this is copypasta from 4chan, and he did not, in fact, do all this penis math himself.

ALAS! Turns out Buster Jenkins’ girlfriend probably did not fuck 200+ guys in college, and that, at the very least, he did not do this penis math himself. According to his Facebook profile, which I looked up because I am thorough like that, he is the CEO of Memekings, which I am pretty sure is not an actual company of any kind.

This, of course, did not stop the MGTOWs from their dick measuring contest.

Doubleecho88 writes:

And that is at the very least a half gallon of jizz. Next time you’re at the store take a good long look at that half gallon of creamy white milk and ask yourself if that’s the kind of woman that deserves your commitment.

Yes, do that. Because really, in that instance, you will be doing the woman a favor in the long run. No one needs to be dating anyone who is hanging out in the dairy aisle shaking his little fist at half-gallons of milk and the semen they represent.

Zigis2 writes “I don’t even fuck these sluts anymore. I’m not kidding. I prefer to give my money to a honest female: a prostitute or an escort.”

If you are wondering why it is OK for these dudes to have sex with all the escorts but NOT OK for someone’s imaginary girlfriend to have had ten miles of dick… well, they have an explanation for that.

Penises are keys and vaginas are locks so IT ALL MAKES SENSE.

Also women are stupid and only into sex and not doing intellectual pursuits like posting on reddit about how women are stupid, says Toolman890.

Women are like animals. It’s not like they have anything else to do. Men have sex, but then they also have mental stimulation due to their intellect. Women just have sex. It’s all they do. Everything for them is socialising which is just an avenue to sex. Work = socialising. Outside of work = playing on phone = socialising. Weekends = socialising. IT’S ALL THEY DO.
You can even see the difference in little children before sex is even a thing. Young boys will spend all their time playing games, running weird experiments, going exploring. Young girls spend most of their time ‘prepping’ themselves for the upcoming sex marathon. They just groom themselves and fantasise about their future relationships.

Now, one fella, Raisins3142, did actually point out that a woman who was in a committed relationship might have taken even more miles of dick, so he is not as worried about the mileage as much as the different penises. He proposed a different kind of penis math, one involving Greyhound buses.

It isn’t the length of dick in her, for me.
It’s the amount of different dick.
It wouldn’t be so bad if a girl dated 1 guy for 10 years and fucked him everyday. She’s also have had miles of dick.
I’d take 5.5″ X 200/12 = 91.67′ of new dick. Where the maximum length of a semi-truck is around 50′ in most states.
Or 200/55 people in a greyhound bus = 3.64 buses of dudes.
That’s fucking gross.

Paladin2903 quibbled with the dick size estimate (TOO BIG).

Average dick size is 5.1 inches, but I appreciate how this kid can break the mathematics down. Should apply to NASA.

Yes, because we all need to know how many penises it is TOO THE MOON.

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  • TJ Barke
    • willi0000000

      yeah . . . really? . . . 5.1″?

  • SadDemInTex

    I need brain bleach just reading this. I can only imagine the horror for poor Robyn.

  • Me The People

    If you laid all the dicks these guys have thought about and imagined and fretted about end to end you could circumnavigate the globe.

  • SeeTrain65

    I call bullshit. None of these guys has ever had a girlfriend.

  • FukuiSanYesOta

    Is the moon at apogee or perigee? I can’t do the math without knowing the problem parameters, dammit!

    • Well they’re taking the average for dick size, you should take the average distance to the moon. :P

    • Ill-Advised

      Also, is it earth’s moon? Or one of Jupiter’s? I hear size matters.

  • Fancy Meau-Faux

    Isn’t a half gallon the amount of semen they pumped out of Rod Stewart’s stomach back in the 80s?

  • Thiazin Red

    For allegedly heterosexual men, they sure do spend a lot of time thinking about dick.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      I thought thinking about dick was pretty much the default option of all men, regardless of sexual orientation.

  • OutOfOrbit

    donut any of you ladies get a squiggly feeling in you panties thinking about giving some of these guys their VERY FIRST BONGING?

    • Shanzgood

      You mean these MGTOW guys?

      • OutOfOrbit

        well yeah

        • Shanzgood

          Just checking. You left some words out and it sounded like you could have meant guys in general.

          • OutOfOrbit

            yeah, i miss a lot. i need help but, you know…

          • Shanzgood

            Maybe your cute little curly haired neighbor can do something for you!

          • OutOfOrbit

            none of my neighbors is cute, little, nor curly-haired

          • OutOfOrbit

            i remember saying something about a “little crush” but now i cannut recall whom

          • OutOfOrbit

            oh now i remember! Dharma and Greg’s neighbor (on tee vee)
            AND none of my little crushes go anywhere, I am Old Faithful here and not snarkin-yuh about that.

          • Shanzgood

            Hey, I’m all for whatever as long as everyone is a consenting adult!

          • OutOfOrbit

            honestly, i am a terrible flirt the boss of me knows cuz i do it all the and she also knows eye got I’s for nobuddy else but her. Also too all her friends with hoohaws flirt right back on me cuz they too know i’m a one-master dog (one-“mistress” dog?)well you know what i mean right?

          • Shanzgood

            Yeah, I’m just funnin ya!

    • Thiazin Red

      Is this a man that I like, find attractive and want to have sex with? Then probably yes. Is it one of the guys from this article? Then no.

      • OutOfOrbit

        i phrased it badly i was meaning (snarking) at the MGTOWs

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    I’m a man who’s going his own way … into the shower to wash what they wrote off me.

    • OutOfOrbit

      wrote ii on your body?! oh my

  • DeputyVanHalen

    They seem to have spent a lot of time thinking about other dudes’ junk.

  • Shanzgood

    Baconz sure did pick a bad week to lose his phone.

    • OutOfOrbit

      is this “Phone Sex Week” or sumpthin?

      • Shanzgood

        I just meant Robyn’s articles this weekend. He’d get a kick out of it.

        • OutOfOrbit

          no wonkette w/o phone?

          • Shanzgood

            Not until he gets home from work and can go on the computer.

  • Jonny On Maui

    “Ninety nine miles of dick on the wall, ninety nine miles of dick. Take one down, pass it around, ninety eight miles of dick on the wall.”

    It’s what they think all women sing, right?

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Um, that is what all women sing.

    • Ill-Advised

      Ew! All I could think of was trophies. But anything worth taking is worth leaving where I found it.

  • FlownΩver

    Math is harder than these guys ever were.

  • Arki J. Kirwin-Muller

    If I could send you money wrapped around some kind of phallocentric object so you get all excited as you start to unpack A HUGE WAD OF BILLS… only to find IT’S MERELY A THIN VENEER OF DISHONEST FIAT, HIDING A TOTEM EPHEMERAL OF ‘THE MAN’.

    Though that would cost a ton for a practical joke, so maybe not.

    • Shanzgood

      It could be a very successful GoFundMe, though.

  • Ms.MLG on Maui

    Ok. I’m gonna try some of this math.

    You take the number of redeeming qualities these men have, then multiply that by the square root of how many women (who are not their moms) give a flying fuck their silly asses even exist.

    I keep coming up with FUCK OFF, LOSERS.

    • Shanzgood

      This is how they should teach word problems in school.

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        Coming up with an answer other than “What are numbers” to any equation is a big deal for me!

    • Jonny On Maui

      Yeah! That does add up!

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      It’s an imaginary number set. If you plot it on the Argand plane, it actually forms a picture of a crying teenager fapping to furry porn.

      • Extremely vivid imagery right there.

        Who’s got the brain bleach?

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        Why does this image of a man masturbating with only his tears as lube keep appearing in my abacus??

      • armed_bears

        Is this what the ‘P’ in that P ≠ NP thing means?

    • I get LOSERS, FUCK OFF.

      I think I forgot to carry the flying fuck.

      Sad.

      • grindstone

        You just have a transpose error. It still works.

        • Riley Whodat Venable

          Is that the commutative property?

          • grindstone

            The very same. Or as my 10th grade math teacher use to yell at us: “Commute your numbers!” The main reason I remember it.

          • Maetspangler

            Matrix56a

            Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family! !ai196d:
            On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
            !ai196:
            ➽➽
            ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialJobsCash496HomeStudios/Pay$97/Hour ★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★:::::!ai196l..,..

      • JesusWasAHippie

        LOL! ohh, man.. 😂

    • OutOfOrbit

      YOU GUYS ARE HURTING ME HEAD!!!

    • BadKitty904

      Short, pithy, Anglo-Saxon. I like it!

    • BloviateMe

      Nice asymptote, lady.

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        Damn you straight to hell for making me Google a math term!!!

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      I would agree, but I’m sitting here on a gorgeous sunny Saturday eating an entire box of Cheez-its while reading the non-comments, so I think I’m probably lacking in moral standing to form an opinion.

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        Any day with Cheez-its is a good day!

      • Riley Whodat Venable

        One of my cats will bum rush you if she knows you have Cheez-its. Cheese Nips, not so much.

        • jsmukg

          Don’t you wonder how they KNOW? I know. Inscrutable feline wisdom.

      • jsmukg

        But, of course, the true question here is: do you prefer Cheez-Its, Cheese Nips, or a heretofore unmentioned House BrandTM?
        Discuss.

        • Riley Whodat Venable

          Tom’s brand (vending machines only) are six sided, very light, and very crisp. A nice change of pace, but hardly a staple. Like blended Scotch. Some are very good, but not a single malt.

        • House0fTheBlueLights

          I can barely read this and contain my rage. Cheez Nips or House Brand? you MONSTER!

          • jsmukg

            *twirls moustache*

    • Jennaratrix

      I like this New Math.

    • Resistance Ftr PuckStopsHere

      You are not carrying the dipshits. The correct answer is: FUCK RIGHT OFF, LOSERS.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      That’s because you’re dividing by a whole bunch of zeros.

    • “M”

      You notice for all the Going Their Own Way they *say* they’re doing … you notice they never just go ahead and GO already …??

  • Fancy Meau-Faux

    Using the 5.1 number it is 2.967 billion penises to the moon.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      I knew the Wonketariat would not disappoint.

      • Fancy Meau-Faux

        I like that 3 Billion is a nice round number. It’s a good fact to whip out at parties.

        “Hey babe, did you know that it takes 3 billion average human penises to reach the moon? It only takes 2.75 billion of mine.”

        I’m not sure that would work well to meet the ladies.

        • House0fTheBlueLights

          Coffee Spewed on the Keyboard Award

          • Fancy Meau-Faux

            Yay!!!

    • Ill-Advised

      Or 2.F78D4F and change, for programming purposes.

  • Vicki Lawrence’s Covfefe

    Is this that new math people keep talking about?

  • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

    I remember a similar discussion in a girlie mag back in the day (the 70s? maybe), although it was about how far your penis traveled during an average fuck.

    It went on for a while until someone pointed out 6 inches in plus 6 inches out equals zero.

    • Steve Cole

      Basic number line. Who doesn’t get that?

      • OutOfOrbit

        uh…me?

    • Shanzgood

      *snicker*

    • Ill-Advised

      By that logic, travelers get no air miles for round trips. Are you sure dicks are all that low mileage?

  • Jonny On Maui

    I know I posted this before but one of my fellow inmates at the salt mines took his daughters’ ‘Math Is Hard’ Barbie and modified it so that was all it would say. He was a big hit at meetings when someone said something idiotic.

    • Steve Cole

      I did some work for Mattel (which was big fun) and I assure you they are suitably horrified.

  • Kiri the Unicorn

    The size of my penis is exactly average for a male of my species.

    • gallbladder

      You mean, for a unicorn?

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        Yes, and I’ve discovered that it’s possible to Have Sex without employing it at all. I should tell these guys about that.

        • Khavrinen

          “Also, I can kill you Have Sex with you with my brain.”

    • Ωbjectifier

      Hung like a unicorn?

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        Not quite big enough to choke a horse.

    • Jonny On Maui

      Still an irrational number, right? I was going to say imaginary, but I know you’re real…

  • Lyly Sirivong

    I’ve never liked maths much, but I think that has put me off them for life.

  • Meme Kings

    I don’t think it memes what you think it memes.
    http://www.supergrove.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/memes-about-8-4-reasons-i-hate-serious-facebook.jpg

    Hello 1987 is calling

  • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

    It’s kind of redundant to say that normal people don’t think about these things.
    And would BTW any woman think about the number of woman a man might of possibly screwed and say- “That equals a hole in the earth 10 miles deep?”

    • Shanzgood

      HAHAHAHA!

    • Rick Hill

      If I were someone studying different behaviors of sub groups of peoples, I’d proly find it interesting the way these guys seem to believe their arguments receive validation by giving it a suffiient amount of thought to the argument to bypass any facts which may exist

    • SeeTrain65

      Using this logic, most of these guys could determine the size of their “hole” with a caliper.

    • Shanzgood

      Let’s think about it in terms of the volume of penis a vagina has enveloped. Are we talking about the equivalent of a moon or a whole planet, or what?

    • AJ Milne

      Well, I never claimed to be real normal…

      But I _do_ have to confess, specifically after reading these derp digests, I think about these guys, and think, damn, but that’s gotta be at least a few flatbeds worth of pillows.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    Chad?

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      JANET?

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Rocky!

        Grunt!

        • SeeTrain65

          “Chief?”

          “McCloud?”

          • Carpe Vagenda

            Stellaaaaaaaaa.

          • Rick Hill

            Donkey!

          • Carpe Vagenda

            Dr Livingstone?

          • SeeTrain65

            “Stanley?”

            “Ollie?”

          • Carpe Vagenda

            Third base.

          • SeeTrain65

            Pin to Carpe Vagenda, time 36 seconds.

        • Ωbjectifier
      • Kiri the Unicorn

        Doctor Scot!!

      • msgypsy

        I am Groot.

  • Rick Hill

    If this guy was all that smart, he would have converted to kilometers to make her seem even sluttier. Besides, do outbound penises(or peni) even count?

  • BadKitty904

    When, exactly, are these Men Going Their Own Way? And Is there anything those of us who are reality-based can do to speed their journey?

    The clock’s tickin’, boys…

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Young men who feel a great deal of faith that if they weren’t spitefully withholding dick to punish us for our sins all the bitches would be riding them.

      • BadKitty904

        I “feel” I should be tall, dark, and handsome. But…

        • Shanzgood

          WE LOVE YOU SHORT AND GINGER AND CUTE!

          • BadKitty904

            *wallows on back, purring and waving paws in air*

          • Shanzgood

            (((scritches)))

  • La forza del resistino

    This tale of dick math makes me appreciate the metric system

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      In the SI system the unit of velocity measured in dicks per scaramucci is known as the Norquist.

      • La forza del resistino

        Like me, I see you too studied under Professor Johnson at Dickson U.

    • redarmyzombie

      Is this with or without the crotch fat?

  • BadKitty904

    These boys are obviously confused – there’s a distinct diff between having a big dick and being a big dick.

    • gallbladder

      In that case, I’m betting they’re Drumpf supporters.

      • BadKitty904

        And I’m so not taking that bet.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        This is pretty much a given.

  • Catstro

    OK that bit about little girls prepping themselves for the upcoming sex marathon while little boys run around and go exploring actually made me sick to my stomach.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      Anyone who’s had a little boy toddler knows they spend a ton of time exploring their little weenuses. If that’s not prepping for sex I don’t know what is.

      • Shanzgood

        And guess what my toddler son did with the digital camera first chance he got?

        • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

          That is hilarious

          • Shanzgood

            It was, but I didn’t let him see me laughing! I also didn’t let him get the camera unsupervised again!

        • It’s a profile pic for his job application for the local vegan restaurant.

          • BrianW

            Or Fox News.

      • redarmyzombie

        Look, it DANGLES, and it’s RIGHT THERE! What else are we supposed to do with it!

        Uh, wait, um, I don’t know what you mean at all…

      • Jennaratrix

        I used to be a legal secretary back in the day of mini cassette tapes that you transcribed. One day my boss drops one on my desk, and when I hit play, it’s his son playing with the recorder. I listened to make sure there wasn’t a legal document at the end; but no, just a little boy singing about his penis. Mind you, the kid was in his teens at the time, and the tape had evidently been sitting in the back of a drawer for nearly 10 years. I told my boss I didn’t think I should transcribe the tape, and when he listened he turned an impressive shade of red. Apparently he went home and had a conversation with his son about office equipment and professionalism and I don’t even know what else. I asked him if he erased the tape, and he said, “Hell no. I’m playing that at his wedding.”

        All of this is just to say that from my experience, both as a secretary and stepmom who helped my husband raise his three boys, yes; boys are obsessed with their penises.

      • grindstone

        The only hint of trouble or event or issue that ever came out of my son’s preschool (where he was from 3 to 5), came from four boys and, yep, their penii. But yeah, I brush my hair and paint my nails because I’m socializing for future sex. Or something?

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      It should make you sick, because it means the man who wrote this looks at little girls, and sexualizes their behavior. Disgusting.

      • Catstro

        Exactly

  • TJ Barke

    Here’s a thought; Stop being weird assholes that hate women and just treat them like people, even if some women have treated you badly before, and then maybe women in general will stop thinking you’re weird assholes that hate women… Just spitballing here.

    • BadKitty904

      A unique line of thought…

      • TJ Barke

        And if social anxiety makes talking to women too hard, then there’s always therapy, and maybe meds. Which is something I don’t want to deal with… But the option’s there…

    • Odd Jørgensen

      If they could avoid being weird assholes, they would not become involved with the MGOTW bullshit. They would be out dating.

    • Wookie Monster

      Apparently, jerking off to porn while crying on Reddit about how women won’t have sex with you is easier than not being a weird asshole.

      • TJ Barke

        It is easier, but not necessarily more satisfying.

  • SadDemInTex

    Interesting that both articles are peniscentric

  • What it looks like inside a MGTOW/PUA mind…
    http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/001/267/216/b09

    From moist to frothing in under a minute

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    I got nuttin’.

    • gallbladder

      What you did there. I see it.

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      At least you have the balls to admit it.

      • BloviateMe

        A semenal event.

        • redarmyzombie

          It’s a shame these men are so unscrotulous.

  • BloviateMe
    • OutOfOrbit

      *blushing really really bad here*

      • Shanzgood

        Liar!

    • BadKitty904

      Second planet in the Alderan system, I think…

      • BloviateMe

        Planetary talk gets me all Hoth and bothered.

        • gallbladder

          You’re on fire today.

        • House0fTheBlueLights

          One at a time please. The whole chorus can’t help at once.

    • SeeTrain65

      Most popular model at Ed Pinkley Motors.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fzL2w9wpteU

    • gallbladder

      How did you get a hold of my grade 11 school photo?

  • Gary Charound

    10.42 miles equals about 16.77 kilometers. That’s a lot of dick klicks.

  • Wookie Monster

    Penises are keys and vaginas are locks so IT ALL MAKES SENSE.

    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=YnJvsBbELvk

    • Bobathonic

      Because nobody knows wtf a skate key is anymore..

      https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=p02DgHeGdyI

      • RobespierreHoo

        With the possible exceptions of “Muskrat Love”,”Afternoon Delight” and “The Night Chicago Died”, you may have infected the site with the very worst example of 70’s “musicianship”.

        • Bobathonic

          I confess I also too posted “Afternoon Delight”*. Maybe “Muskrat Love” as well. Apparently I’m ill in the head.

          *And once upon a time, met Taffy Danoff.

          • RobespierreHoo

            But did you post “Knock Three Times”? If so, a quick “look-see” at Bellevue might not hurt.

      • ken_kukec

        What have they done to my song, ma?

  • Mehmeisterjr

    10.42 miles equals 660,000 dick inches or roughly 4 million Bollings.

    • ken_kukec

      You ever convert that to metric, they’ll be hell to pay at Fox.

  • Wookie Monster

    Once again, it’s hilarious how all these “men going their own way” are so obsessed with women who have sex with men who aren’t them.

    If they have no interest in women, why do they care so much who they have sex with?

    • BloviateMe

      “I can seethe for miles and miles…of dick.”

  • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

    Still struggling with the logic of “used key is good but used lock is bad”

  • Krombopulous Pichael

    love you Robyn

  • La forza del resistino

    Like the guppy to amphibian transformation, does starting out as a chad lead to life as a cuck?

  • Lance Thrustwell

    The fishez are in the barrelz again.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    If someone downthread has not done the math on how many penises would stretch from here to the moon, I am going to be very disappoint.

    • Shanzgood

      Relax, it’s been taken care of.

    • mancityRed6

      remember where you are and realize that’s gonna be done a few times, the math, I mean

  • SayItWithWookies

    The cashier at the grocery store was very nice, and then she said she was looking forward to the end of her shift. “I’ve rung up over 200 people today,” she said. I was horrified. Cashiers are only supposed to ring me up, and then wait around longingly for me to come back to buy more groceries. All my illusions are shattered.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      She had roughly 8 miles of customer line.

      • Bobathonic

        In one day!

      • willi0000000

        based on “standard” shopping carts or those little ones?

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      I’m upset because the cashier put me in the “Customer Zone”. I was so nice to her! What a waste of time!

      • Mehmeisterjr

        You think that’s bad? My cashier limited me to ten items or less.

  • Jennaratrix

    They’re spending all this time imagining how many dicks their not-even-remotely real girlfriends have had inside them because these guys aren’t putting their dicks anywhere except their own hand. Sad.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      If their hands were cars, they’d be coming up for their 10,000 mile service.

      • Jennaratrix

        ISWYDT.

    • Bobathonic

      It’s obviously fake, because his girlfriend is Canadian, so, metric system, duh.

      • Jennaratrix

        Ha! You owe me a keyboard.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    This may be the first time in history when men gather round to brag about all the pussy they’re NOT getting. The difference now from the way we bragged about how much we were getting when I was a lad, everybody believes them.

  • Forty fathoms of phallus!

    • gallbladder

      Say THAT fast five times.

    • TheGrandWazoo2

      My name is Johnny Depth.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      At last we know how much wood a woodchuck would chuck.

    • Khavrinen

      20,000 leagues under the She?

    • Ill-Advised

      Full fathoms five thy phallus lies,
      Of its hardons dreams are made,
      Those are pearls that were its eyes,
      ….

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    Disqus is sucking for me right now, so I just want to point out that every clever thing any of you have said might have been posted by me if I hadn’t had this bigly problem. Sad.
    -whining like a common Dolt 45 over an issue everyone’s experienced and nobody expects sympathy for

  • Bobathonic

    Only one thing to do, boys: send those unsolicited dick pics.

  • Reading these guys’ posts kills my sex drive completely. I showed my husband some of them once to explain why I was feeling anti-dick, and they killed his libido too, which is amazing. Men Going Their Own Way could be the real abstinence-only education. Enough penis math and no one will want sex anymore.

    • SeeTrain65

      “Who’d get turned on by this?”

      Other MGTOWs.

  • La forza del resistino

    Thanks for your service Robyn by handling the dearth of dick jokes this fine Saturday.

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      Dick Dearth is my new porn name. Thank you for that.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      If all the average-sized dick jokes in the world were laid (snort) end to end, you’d get Wonkette.

  • OddMan

    Oh I love word problems, If all the men in the world (3,776,294,273) laid all their average dicks in a line (5.1 inches) it would reach all the way to the moon and you could make a big lasso too. About 303,963.080686553 miles.
    Dick jokes and math, weeeeee.

  • unmasked mumbler

    lolll he thinks the average guy takes 100 thrusts to come, even if you’re fuckin real slow isn’t that less than 2 minutes?

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Depends on yr style.

    • Bobathonic

      I’m surpised it wasn’t # strokes.

    • Clark_Nova

      I thought the 200 strokes part was the saddest thing in that post. Might just as well be 2.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    Jeez Louise. When I were a younger man, harrumph, I went through my share of whatcha might call dry spells, dating-wise. And I even on occasion felt a teensy bit sorry for myself. But it never once occurred to me to blame women as a gender! What the hell?

    • SeeTrain65

      I always blame myself. Saves time.

    • Reximus

      I just figured it was because I was TOO good-looking and rich – DJT

  • Ms.MLG on Maui

    If we can make them go deaf from not banging them, can we go a step further, and make them mute as well?

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      We’re doing pretty good on the limp-dick thing, so I say go for it.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    These guys have a lot in common with Eric Bolling, don’t they?

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      Both were involved in the Bolling Ream Massacre?

  • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

    I guess it’s a young people thing, but if both people are std free, and not carrying the torch for another why would you even care how many people? Honestly I’d have to say ” I forget. I didn’t keep a running tab and it was a long time ago.”

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Personally, if a woman has had a large number of partners (and also seems to be okay with it and emotionally healthy in general) I’m more intrigued, not less.

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        Same with me, actually. Experience was always a premium in my book.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        She could probably teach me a thing or two, which would be of course good.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      My daughter was once talking to me in a totally matter of fact way about all the various partners (not in a count em up way, but just talking about different men, some of who’s names she’d forgotten) and I was like, YUP I AM A OLD PLEASE DO NOT TALK TO ME ABOUT THIS I WANT TO BE SUPPORTIVE-slash-COOL BUT YOU ARE FREAKING ME OUT.

      And my generation invented if it feels good do it.

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        I can accept that my twenty something kids have sex. I can handle the generalities. . Stuff like their favorite position, for example would just be TMI.

        • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

          Agreed! I don’t want to know anyone’s favorite position, save for whomever I’m having sex with.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        Some subjects are for friends, not family.

        • House0fTheBlueLights

          There is a definite downside to your daughter seeing you as her best friend.

    • I think maybe it is a young people thing? I remember “the number” seeming important in the Long Ago when I was a teen/20-something. I had a running tab for awhile. Now I not only couldn’t tell you how many, I can’t even remember why I thought it mattered. Nor can I remember a partner ever asking (or asking anyone myself). It was something discussed among platonic friends more than actual sex partners.

  • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

    I only want to know how many dicks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie pop?

    • SeeTrain65

      “Let’s find out.”

      EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

    • TJ Barke

      How many dicks does it take to make Tootsie pop?

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        Roughly 200. Ask MGTOW.

      • SeeTrain65

        “Ask Tootsie.”

  • Reximus
  • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

    So, women are all cock monsters and sluts, yet these guys can’t get one of them remotely interested in them? That’s telling, really.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Well, you know, lame.

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        Lame is as lame does. Funny, though, this obsession this male-only club has with penises. Then again, it’s not funny at all, really.

  • La forza del resistino

    Go metric bros. 129 mm sounds better than 5.1 inches.

  • I’m glad Buster specified an average penis length, since if he’d used his own, his calculation would have been an order of magnitude different.

  • TJ Barke

    So 5.1 inches is the average dick?

    • Lance Thrustwell

      I certainly like to think so!

      • TJ Barke

        If so, then woohoo! I beat the spread!

        • mancityRed6

          no one likes a braggart

          • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

            I do!

        • House0fTheBlueLights

          Pix or it didn’t happen.

          At least if you work at Fox News.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Seems a bit short to me. Perhaps it’s just millennials?

      • redarmyzombie

        Mmm, no, pretty sure it’s just these douchenozzles…

        • Shanzgood

          They’re measuring from underneath, too.

          • redarmyzombie

            Hey, that crotch fat isn’t gonna push itself back, you know…

          • Shanzgood

            Lolew!

      • Clark_Nova

        The effect of feminizing pseudo-hormones in the environment, Average was 5.5″ in MY day.

  • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

    The half gallon of milk analogy intrigued me. Are MGTOW’s waging war on the milk boys by calling them sperm guzzlers? Let’s wildly speculate.

    • eggs ackly-wright

      Are these the Local Milk People?

  • ken_kukec

    Since our math whiz sounds like he definitely has a tiny dick, and since the average depth of a vagina is around 5″, maybe he should do the calculations on how many miles of unsatisified punani he’s wasted.

    • SeeTrain65

      “Let’s see how many of these guys come up to the average.”

      NO.

    • Bobathonic

      AOT,K.

    • jesterpunk

      None since he has never had sex and still lives in his parents basement.

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      To be fair, he’s less experienced with vaginal depth than with the various penis lengths.

    • Jennaratrix

      AOT, K.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      That would explain all the cervixes I’ve bumped.

      • Shanzgood

        That’s not always fun.

        • Bobathonic

          So I noticed.

          • Shanzgood

            There are ways to work around it. So to speak.

      • SeeTrain65

        “Are you boasting again?”

      • Clark_Nova

        Cervices, PLEASE!

        • ken_kukec

          Services will be held for the cervices I’ve bruised.

    • Shanzgood

      Actually, vaginas don’t have a set depth. That’s variable, depending on what’s going on. A vagina can hold a small tampon securely or pass a whole new human through it.

      http://www.webmd.com/women/features/vagina-size

      • mancityRed6

        yeah, but that sets up the length vs girth argument.

        • Shanzgood

          Babies are fat.

        • ken_kukec

          Not to mention the great meat vs. motion debate.

  • unmasked mumbler

    What’s really funny is how obvious their jealousy is. If these morons could get laid by 200 women, they would be telling everyone they meet all about it.

    • mancityRed6

      *1 woman.

  • Reximus
    • FukuiSanYesOta

      “The president is as strong as he’s ever been in Iowa, and every potentially ambitious Republican knows that,”

      Uh, ok. Next tell us about his ratings with people named Dave, it’ll be just as relevant.

      • AuntyMaude

        Oh god, don’t bring poor Dave into this.

        • Khavrinen

          “Dave’s not here, man.”

    • AuntyMaude

      Oh I think he’s a well above-average dick. It’s his penis that’s below average.

  • FauxAntocles

    If these asses put half as much effort into making themselves human as they do being asses, they might have a decent shot at a normal life.

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      Exactly. There is no person, man or woman, who is going to come along, fix your problems, and make your life worth living. We have to do those things for ourselves.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        That’s what my life coach says!

      • mancityRed6

        RIP Dr. Ruth.

  • CatDog

    they’re not getting enough because the womens are doing it too much??? How does that add up, unless you suffer from cognitive dickonance? (hint: it’s really because you are unfuckable dweebs who hate people for having the sex you’re not getting).

    • mancityRed6

      they’re waiting for women to come up to them and just start humping. never mind trying to be a person that that woman would look at or talk to.
      it’s like me, I really would like to win the lottery, but I don’t buy a ticket.

      • Bobathonic

        They rely on their shear animal magnetism.

        • mancityRed6

          I don’t think that Axe body spray works like that.

      • Courser_Resistance

        And only hot, women with big tits need apply. No skanks or fat chicks.

        Puke.

        • mancityRed6

          I’m simple in that my sign says “Republicans need not apply”

  • mancityRed6

    oh man, I love a thunderstorm.

  • mrFawkes

    Dick Trickle is the patron saint for these MGTOW pud pumpers. Trickle drove tens of thousands of miles in a circle never did see the checked flag. My apologies to the Trickle family–he was a good guy with a great sense of humor. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/6928ad0583c348491eea7cb27404e691578a960fb7e4feffc4fc4f0d31922c02.jpg

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      And an incredibly sad ending.

      • harryr

        Just read his Wikipedia bio. What a shame. Undiagnosable chronic pain is a dreadful thing.

  • msgypsy

    How would they measure lesbian partners? Tongue length? Fingers? Average dildo? Too many variables?

    I was having a shit day until I started to read these comments. Good job, all.

    • Courser_Resistance

      To these dumbasses the only measure is their dick. Nothing else counts. Basically, one sex act = one cum.

  • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

    Since Trump, I have had to put up with about fifty cubic feet of asshole every fucking day.

    Don’t want.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    These guys are incel? Have they tried unsolicited dick pics?

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      I am sure that incels have tried every fucking thing that does not work. And when their failed techniques don’t work, they think it’s because they did not do them hard enough.

      • mancityRed6

        sitting and waiting in their domicile for a woman to just pop ’round is not actually “working”, and it doesn’t work.

      • Marion in Savannah

        (heh, heh, heh… you said “hard.”)

  • Reximus

    FYI It’s not as easy to fap to this thread as you might think

    • Augustus

      I made it work

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        Where there’s a will there’s a wank.

        • Shanzgood

          Do people actually cry when they do it? I find I generally have to be in a good mood to even be interested.

          • SeeTrain65

            “Every time. … I mean, NO!”

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            With these guys, who knows? They’re probably sobbing bitter tears of impotent rage.

  • SDGeoff3

    These guys are hopeless.

    • mancityRed6

      “yep”
      -girl named Hope

  • AuntyMaude

    Me thinks they doth prodickst too much.

  • Michael R

    Boy you just a stupid bitch,
    and girl you just a no good dick

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zHMnTNzoyo0

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    It’s been so long since I had sex I can’t even remember who gets tied up first, but you don’t see me going around bragging about it to everybody do you? Oh, wait……

    • mancityRed6

      I was told a quarter had to be flipped. call it in the air.

      • Augustus

        Heads AND tails, everyone wins

    • SeeTrain65

      “And who brings the chocolate sauce?”

  • Gary Charound

    Also, that dirty slut had a buttered roll with everybody in Times Square.

    • Bobathonic

      I hope she tipped the yodeler.

    • BillEGoatSmirk

      There’s a vegan butthole joke in here somewhere.

      • Invisible Bunyip

        Can’t be a buttered roll if it’s vegan. Somehow “canola-margarine roll” doesn’t have the same oomph.

  • chascates
    • Shanzgood

      That one can’t even get his own wife to hold his hand.

      • mancityRed6

        she knows where it’s been

        • FukuiSanYesOta

          So does Mike Pence.

          • redarmyzombie

            And Mother.

          • Clark_Nova

            The Second Mother? Someone tell the Second Mother that this is being done. Then we’ll set some bleachers out in the sun and have it all out on Highway 61.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      Point to one piece of legislation you’ve spearheaded to achieve this. Go on, take that tiny hand of yours and point. You can’t, can you?

  • Reximus

    On the upside for mankind, at least these guys wont reproduce

  • BIJ0U

    Tsk. A gentleman would calculate in kilometers to make the lady’s rampant sexing seem more demure.

    • Rick Hill

      I thought that it would make it worse.
      Lessee…converting 10.45 mile to kilometers…
      double the furlongs…times two hogsheads plus half a bushel
      divide by the air velocity of a laden swallow….
      minus a train leaving from the east coast at half past ten….
      Yup! This concludes there is definitely maths involved.

  • Bananas Foster

    I would pay for the prostitute if it would shut these fuckers up.

    • Rick Hill

      A prostitute infected with small pox!!11!!

      • Clark_Nova

        Large Pox, too. Let’s be generous.

    • mancityRed6

      duct tape is a hell of a lot cheaper.

      • Rick Hill

        But then you also have to get a good shovel, maybe a pickax, too. A car with a good trunk, using a pick up makes detection too easy if you’re pulled over.
        Psww! This is work. Might need some beer, as well….

        • mancityRed6

          don’t forget the bag of lime

          • Shanzgood

            For the celebratory margaritas?

          • mancityRed6

            quick lime, maybe? it gets rid of evidence.

          • Shanzgood

            I know, I was just being silly!

          • Rick Hill

            Oh, You!!

          • mancityRed6

            I’m scared that I know this, I dunno how I feel about you.

          • Shanzgood

            Hey, I’ve watched the tee-vee before!

          • Msgr_MΩment

            You put the lime in his coconut
            And dissolve it all up…

          • Rick Hill

            And you have to pick up some road kill to leave on top of the grave….

        • TJ Barke

          All you really need is a pig farm.

          • Shanzgood

            Who’s the scary one, now?

          • TJ Barke

            What? Rick makes a joke about buying bodies in the wilderness, no admonishment, I remark about the voracity of pigs and I’m the weirdo?

          • Shanzgood

            I was making fun of Mancity for teasing me about knowing what lime is for!

          • Rick Hill

            Also….
            You put the lime in the coconut….

          • Shanzgood

            I love that song! My dad and I used to sing it all the time when I was a kid!

          • Rick Hill

            No animal cruelty by having those poor animals ingest this nauseating human

          • Clark_Nova

            In Florida they use the gator farms.

          • TJ Barke

            Pigs are more thorough, or so I’ve heard.

          • Geoff Richmond
  • SadDemInTex
    • FukuiSanYesOta

      Damn, I was really hoping Gorka was getting the elbow. Interesting that he reports directly to Lord Dampnut. He surrounds himself with the best people, you know.

    • La forza del resistino

      not sorry. he is the human pinata for snark and I don’t think the WH grown ups listen to him anyway.

      • redarmyzombie

        Unfortunately, the grown ups aren’t the ones in charge there…

    • Reximus

      Will he keep his Director of Eugenics title?

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    Of course not every act of sexual congress involves intercourse. But if the congress is in DC, someone’s bound to be screwed.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Congress is the opposite of progress, nyet?

    • Duke
    • SeeTrain65

      “Looks … like … those clowns … in Congress … are at it … again. … What a bunch … of clowns.”

  • mancityRed6

    OT, your Olathe weather report:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TzFnYcIqj6I

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      I understand there’s an ark over in Kentucky you might borrow.

    • La forza del resistino

      In CO, we call all things Olathe corny

      • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

        Back in the old times, I was a summer park ranger in Olathe KS. Now, I live in CO. Weird, how life works.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    What a sad collection of cuck a diddle don’ts.

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    I love it when a girl is just as slutty as me. Saves me loads of excuses when entering a bar.

    • mancityRed6

      at least she knows what she likes.

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        exactly.

    • TJ Barke

      You europeans and your relaxed sexuality…

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        wouldn’t have it any other way. And the best thing: American girls know it too so saying you are European is most of the times a free ride ticket. ^_^

        • Shanzgood

          My XH is British. I don’t think they count as European.

          • Robbertjan Brandenburg

            NAh, at least not according to the continent.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    I only had sex once, but it was with a 10.45 mile dick. That was enough.

    Was there anyone attached to it? Damned if I know. Who can see that far?

    • Peripatetic Poltroon

      You own me a keyboard.

    • Shanzgood

      You scared my cat!

    • SeeTrain65

      “My binoculars weren’t for long distance, and the curvature of the Earth played a huge part.”

      • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

        You know who else has a curved penis?

        • Shanzgood

          Pigs?

          • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

            Do we really need to talk about the former president that way?

        • redarmyzombie

          Otto Von Bismark?

        • SeeTrain65

          Arthur Laffer?

          • armed_bears

            Did that cause the trickle down?

        • Bobathonic

          Ducks?

        • SeeTrain65

          Jan and/or Dean?

        • Rick Hill

          Pee Wee Herman?

        • therblig

          ducks. evil, corkscrew peened ducks.

          • AuntyMaude

            Glad I’m not a lady duck.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Ell oh ell. Glad I wasn’t drinking anything.

    • bluicebank

      Jesus Christ, Martini. At that length we have to abandon Newtonian physics and break out the Einstein.

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      Is your vagina a TARDIS?

      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        A lady never tells.

    • armed_bears
      • BillEGoatSmirk

        I never touched her Virginia!

        • AmazingProfessionalCrastinator

          Virginia was disappointed, too.

        • Msgr_MΩment

          The conductor, he say, “No folka Virginia. No folka Virginia.”
          Folka? I dint even kiss her!

      • therblig

        “He said his name was Santa Claus” – Virginia

    • arglebargle

      Thanks. I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time.

  • Suse

    These guys scare me. Remember George Sodini, who killed 3 and injured 9 at a gym near Pittsburgh?

    A portion of his diary:
    “December 29, 2008: Just got back from tanning, been doing this for a while. No gym today, my elbow is sore again. I actually look good. I dress good, am clean-shaven, bathe, touch of cologne – yet 30 million women rejected me – over an 18 or 25-year period. That is how I see it. Thirty million is my rough guesstimate of how many desirable single women there are. A man needs a woman for confidence. He gets a boost on the job, career, with other men, and everywhere else when he knows inside he has someone to spend the night with and who is also a friend. This type of life I see is a closed world with me specifically and totally excluded. Every other guy does this successfully to a degree. Flying solo for many years is a destroyer. Yet many people say I am easy to get along with, etc. Looking back, I owe nothing to desirable females who ask for anything, except for basic courtesy – usually. Looking back over everything, what bothers me most is the inability to work towards whatever change I choose.”

    • mancityRed6

      I don’t even think I’ve seen 30 million people over the past 43 years.
      and no, flying solo is not that bad. jeebus el christo.

    • MizzMazz

      When I hear a guy use the phrase, ‘desirable females’ it’s a red flag for creepy jerk.

      • BillEGoatSmirk

        What he really means is ‘have my babies, take care of them, clean my house, fix my meals, blow me or have sex whenever I demand it, and I can beat you whenever I choose’. Oh, ‘and you’re not allowed to have friends’.

        • MizzMazz

          Yeah,like I said, creepy jerk. De-humanizing people is the first step to abuse.

        • AmazingProfessionalCrastinator

          No fatties, either. Must be slim, gorgeous and large breasted. And have all her own teeth.

    • mancityRed6

      it was around that same day that a friend of mine (the one who set me up with the second ex) gave me a playstation box with at least an ounce of killer weed in it that she had confiscated from her son.
      sorry, just trying to get my mind off of the moron who was too stupid to see what was in front of him. tanning? dogdamn

  • Rick Hill

    We have finally got a peek into the mind of one of these guys to see just how they view romance….
    https://img-9gag-fun.9cache.com/photo/aY4YWeN_700b.jpg

    • redarmyzombie

      Does the vegana include butthole?

  • JMP

    What the fuck is wrong with these people?

    • bluicebank

      The fuck-all, apparently.

    • TJ Barke

      If I had to guess, social isolation and online echo chambers.

    • armed_bears

      That could be the headline for a weekly column: “What the fuck is wrong with these people?” Wherein we hear grievances from knobs, noobs and nobodies…

  • armed_bears
  • bluicebank

    “chads”? Goddamnit, haven’t we had enough Florida news already without bringing up painful memories of the 2000 election? Plus, you can’t get a gal to stay away from the hanging chads simply by blasting out rap from your cheap ass car stereo.

    You’re a loser, so she ain’t gonna fall for that “I’m into jazz” shit wafting from your rolled-down window. You might be able to pull off being a “Chicago” aficionado, but only if you have a tenth of the group’s billion albums laying as CDs in the back seat. Which means you can’t have sex back there and should have your own apartment, not your mother’s basement. Chicks aren’t into mothers’ basements, because they saw the movie and don’t like how it ends.

  • AuntyMaude

    So if Toolman890 (if that is his real name) is correct about women that means his own mother was a sex-obsessed, intellect-lacking, mentally-unstimulated female, too. Which leads me to wonder musically why he doesn’t “want a girl just like the girl who married dear old dad?”

    • armed_bears

      Excellent point. There is soooo much self-loathing among these weiners… “All womenz bad? My mom was a womenz? Point made!”

  • Rick Hill

    Seriously, though, this guy counted outbound peeners in his equations. Not knowing the exact rules regarding entering phalluses, do exits count the same? This guy may owe her an apology if she has only taken in 5.225 miles of penises, or at least we know he wasted some precious gas by driving too far.

    • God Emperor Emeritus

      The return journey still uses gas, so it counts. Unless you drive up a mountain and then coast down…. In that case outbound dick is about 80 or 90 mpg or more. In conclusion, You’re a towel.

      • Rick Hill

        *Your.

        • God Emperor Emeritus

          Stupid autocorrect

          • Rick Hill

            *Autocrat

    • Invisible Bunyip

      Oh, he simply forgot to subtract the outward dick! That’s why his conclusion is so stupid!

      • Msgr_MΩment

        The GF did exactly zero inches of dick, net, unless some poor soul broke his off in there.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    That’s an awful lot of math just to conclude that you’re jealous that your ex is now having more sex than you are.

    • GreenGoldSharpie

      He made her up. The only sex these guys have had is right Righty.

      • AuntyMaude

        You mean Rosie Palm?

        • AmazingProfessionalCrastinator

          Mother Thumb and the Four Fingers

  • Duke

    5.1″ average? Is that counting 1/2 billion Chinese men or just Americans?

    • Clark_Nova

      S. Koreans are shorter than Chinese and are second from the bottom of the list, which is North Koreans. I don’t remember the exact length but it was somewhere close to 3.5″ erect.

      • Duke

        Interesting.

        There doesn’t seem to be any hard scientific data on the matter. The surveys are, apparently, from self-reporting which also opens up phony reporting.

        • Msgr_MΩment

          The data are flaccid at best.

  • God Emperor Emeritus

    Maybe it’s just because I actually math, but my “favourite” part is how many extra stupid calculations he puts in there to make it seem like he’s SMRT!

    • SeeTrain65

      Dude burned the memory in his Commodore 64 coming up with those numbers.

  • Rick Hill

    FYI, some of my comments do not make it here because of self moderation. I think this is proly a good thing

  • I ran 10+ miles today and have absolutely no complaints about my wonderful wife and two independent college graduate kids (one starting grad school).

    But you know, whatevs, MGOTW, you do you.

    • Shanzgood

      They’re the only ones who will.

  • Johnatx

    Is that 10.42 miles as the crow flies?

  • GreenGoldSharpie

    Did these guys ever consider getting off the computer and developing social skills?

    Worst. Counter. Culture. Ever.

    Go learn to skate and play rock music, you fucking losers. I was a dysphoric trans woman in high school and college and found a bunch of nice, intelligent women to handle parts I didn’t really want.

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      In high school I always looked like a 15 year old even when i was 18. Hell, now that I am 37 I still look 25. Still lots of girls wanted to to juggle my privates because, well, I am a pleasant person to be around with.

      • GreenGoldSharpie

        Exactly. It isn’t rocket science, women aren’t a separate, knowable, species, and they look a good row in the sheets too.

        It’s easy. Be cool, don’t stink, and get out of the house.

        • mancityRed6

          aww, I have to go somewhere? that’s a lot of work

          • GreenGoldSharpie

            Well, there’s backpage for that.

          • mancityRed6

            no. no. no. no.
            do not want.

          • Shanzgood

            Craigslist is…interesting. People can be so much more, um, straightforward than I thought.

          • GreenGoldSharpie

            Considered it here and there. >.>

            But, right now, I’m transitioning and adverse to dating. No strings might be nice.

          • Shanzgood

            I can guarantee there will be someone who’s interested. I would just worry about physical safety, because crazy bigots. But you probably already know about that.

          • GreenGoldSharpie

            Yeah, it’s why I chicken out.

            But, yup, we are a fetish. It’s bad for dating, but it’s super easy to get laid.

          • Shanzgood

            The trans women I know all say the same. They get really tired of the creepers, too. .

          • GreenGoldSharpie

            I suspect I will. Glad to be bi, women are much more chill on the issue. I’ll likely end up with a woman in the long run. :-)

        • Robbertjan Brandenburg

          True story. On Holiday in Greece with my friends. The most amazing looking girl was at this pool party and all the boys were all over her. except me. ( I was reading a Michael Crichton book, don’t disturb me when reading a MC book) after a while she came up to me asking how I was doing and we had a nice chat.

          Guess who finished the business? The ones all over her or the one showing some respect?

    • mancityRed6

      be happy with yourself, and others will be happy with you.

    • God Emperor Emeritus

      I blame Xbox. I fucking swear that the basement dwellers my age and older seem to be interesting and nice even if they are completely socially inept. The kids who grew up screaming racial slurs at their Halo teammates I cannot stand. In conclusion, get off ma lawn.

      • GreenGoldSharpie

        Yup. Gaming became a “culture” of sad, lonely men who were farmed by the right wing.

        I used to like a bit of online gaming myself, but I got sick, very early on, of the toxic climate.

        • greyXstar

          I can’t even tell you the last time I played online with randos, or even tried to get involved in gaming sites. And now they’re swallowing up anime too.

        • Alex Grey

          Play with Japanese people, you may not understand them, but then again it’s just a language barrier not an intelligence barrier.

  • La forza del resistino

    OT: MS Nissan workers vote down UAW representation.
    In keeping with the MS tradition of voting against their interests since 1861.

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      Should be noted that Nissan brought out the big dicks and played hardball with the workers.

  • Jo Mathie

    “Women just have sex. It’s all they do. ”
    I’ve been rubbish at being a woman all this time – so have my friends! We must all repent for our failings when we went to university and got jobs.Thank-you oh wise internet misogynist. Truly our eyes are opened.

    • AuntyMaude

      Right? Mr. dick math never mentions if his lucky, dodged-that-bullet ex-GF graduated. If she didn’t, THAT would be the real tragedy here.

  • GreenGoldSharpie

    How much you want to get these are the guys who sit on their hand until it falls asleep before they jerk off?

    The really dedicated ones steal mom’s nail polish first.

    • DerrickWildcat

      That is, “The Stranger.”

    • Shanzgood

      Oh lordy

    • Alan

      What?

  • Resistance Fighter Astraea

    There’s entirely too much dick on Wonkette for me today.

  • recore

    Holy shit we have these people in our world?

  • All of them Katie

    Penises to the Moon. New band name, called it.

    • TJ Barke

      What’s your style?

      • Major_Major_Major

        Gotta be a zydeco Phish cover band.

  • Rick Hill

    You know, somewhat related, though this guy is a complete tool, I myself have always found the mechanics of sex fascinating. The ins and outs of it are quite intriguing.

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    Hey girls, here’s a manly man’s man on vacation. With dinner for you to fry up!
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/6f2593b0d901c6a125e7f3d2577f58cae816c39f509402f1fcb516766a0d19c6.jpg

    • mancityRed6

      you’d think he could afford a damn shirt.

      • Khavrinen

        You’d think he could afford all of the shirts.

    • redarmyzombie

      Assuming you aren’t bothered by Polonium, of course…

      • Rick Hill

        Isn’t it wood splinters with some virus or bacterium, now?

    • armed_bears

      Snark aside, that’s a pretty nice perch, albeit a commie one.

      • Clark_Nova

        Fascist, not Commie.

        • armed_bears

          I have a hard time imagining authoritarian nationalism as it would be practiced by a member of Percidae… More a get-along-swim-along sort of fish.

    • AuntyMaude

      Nice boobs

    • AmazingProfessionalCrastinator

      Looks like he’s really sucking that gut in to not look flabby there.

    • SeeTrain65

      “Nice tits, tough guy.” – Brian Posehn

  • jesterpunk
    • All of them Katie

      In a row?!

    • mancityRed6

      Sorry, I’ll take John Waters for terms for things I didn’t know existed.

      • jesterpunk

        Clerks is actually a pretty good movie but this scene just reminded me of these MGTOW morons.

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          Except that Dante had a job, a girlfriend, IRL friends, and was athletic enough to put on roller-blades . . .

          • jesterpunk

            True, he also didn’t live in his parents basement and had his own place.

        • mancityRed6

          it is, and I’ve seen both of them.
          for the money that was spent and what it achieved, it’s actually a very good movie.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    10.45 miles at 25 mph . . . he spent 25 minutes and 8 seconds fantasizing about dicks. Hooray for maths!

    • GreenGoldSharpie

      It’s a shame no one pointed this out to him.

    • mancityRed6

      umm, I think he does it more than that.

  • Rasilom

    Um, wow just wow. Really guys? I mean just, WHAT THE FUCK. Here is the actual thing. If you havr a GF and she has had a bunch of previous lovers who cares. It really just means that she most likley.knows what she likes and is damn good in the sack. To me a persons past lovers (male or female) are just that, past lovers. They are with you now and they are there because they are into you and want to be with you. I have zero fucks to give to any douche bro with the mind set on display here. Seruously, I have had way more fun in bed with an experianced woman than I have ever had with a person that has had very little sack time and very few previous lovers.

    • GreenGoldSharpie

      Because they’re obsessed with potency and female virginity.

      They’re dysfunctional.

      • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

        As I read it, they’re obsessed with dick.

    • Resistance Fighter Astraea

      That’s misogyny for you.

    • Jamoche

      See, it’s the “if you have a GF” conditional that fails.

  • Jenny

    Dammit Wonkette! I already know one of these dudes irl. I come here to escaaaaape!

  • Richard Girlswin

    A key that opens no locks isn’t even a key.

    • Suttree

      It’s just trash on your key ring.

      • Shanzgood

        Hiya!

        • Suttree

          Hello!

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    These guys really just sound like a lot of wannabe/actual rapists.

  • Susan Szews

    It’s a little concerning that these Redditor men are thinking so much about strange dick, tbh. Are they okay?

    • JustDon’tSayDignity

      No. They are not.

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      Right? I had exactly the same reaction.

    • Alex Grey

      At least they aren’t breeding.

    • Alan

      No.

  • Mary Theresa

    Eric Bolling just got sexspended from Fox.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      Good, good.

      Who’ll be next? I’m amazed Brian “the rapey one” Kilmeade hasn’t been fingered yet.

      • Shanzgood

        Phrasing!

        • JustDon’tSayDignity

          I was just thinking that.

        • FukuiSanYesOta

          You know it!

        • wavicles

          Just kilmead now.

      • greyXstar

        Who would finger Brian Kilmeade on purpose?

        • FukuiSanYesOta

          Brian Kilmeade.

      • Mary Theresa

        Please, let it be Hannity.

      • Khavrinen

        I suppose “AOT, K” would be too much to hope for…

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    Now let me think. I’ve touched myself x times a day for y number of years…..

    HOLY CRAP I’ve yanked on a 37 light years worth of peen!

    • Shanzgood

      Hee!

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      That’s 11.3443 parsecs!

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        Please don’t figure out the what my “emissions” would be in planetary masses.

        • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

          Uranus is safe with me.

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            I’ll let that one go, because it was funny, in the context of the conversation, and I like you.

          • Ill-Advised

            Is the Moon also safe?

      • therblig

        i guess his kessel runs

    • Alex Grey

      That might make you gay, if you have touched that much dick…

    • mancityRed6

      amateur

  • greyXstar

    Wat?

  • Alex Grey

    “one dick two dick red dick blue dick balls”
    FTFY

  • What Pierre said

    As we’re speaking of dicks, a PSA, do not tape yours shut: https://twitter.com/DrJenGunter/status/892950107024351232

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      What in the name of holy fuck is this?

      • Bobathonic

        Ear cleaning gizmo.

      • Mary Theresa

        These are not the Nixon tapes.

      • What Pierre said

        That’s exactly what I said when I saw it. How did you know? I thought I’d covered the microwave with tinfoil

    • Shanzgood

      Now people will do that because they can.

      • What Pierre said

        Don’t think no one’s tried it, but now there’s a PRODUCT

        • Shanzgood

          I know what people try. I worked in a hospital as a hostess and the ER docs were happy to tell us about all the random household objects people accidentally “fell on” while naked.

          • Catstro

            Million to one shot, doc. Million to one.

          • Edith Prickly

            Oh gawd, I’ve heard a few stories from my relatives in the health care field. Corn cobs, mustard jars, light bulbs with cords still attached…

    • TJ Barke

      Dowhatnow?

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      What if like, the semen backs all up in there during ejaculation?

      Is that what they call busting your nuts?

      • What Pierre said

        I think the urologist addresses that. I don’t have one (a dick and a urologist for that matter) but that’s what I’d be afraid of

      • Shanzgood

        That’s not necessarily bad. People have been doing it forever to increase orgasm frequency and intensity but it takes practice to do it right. A bandaid isn’t the right way.

    • Alan

      That can’t be a good idea.

      • Alex Grey

        Anyone who tries it, probably deserves it.

  • Parakeetist

    How do these people walk and breathe at the same time?

    • AuntyMaude

      Draggin’ their knuckles and with their mouths open.

    • Alan

      Facts not in evidence.

    • SeeTrain65

      (wheezing uncontrollably)

      “Stop walking and breathe, Buster! You forgot the breathe again!”

  • Red Bird

    Weird how the law of supply and demand works when nature gives you a resource that is always in demand and never out of stock. It’s not about keys and locks. It’s a question of candles and candle sticks.

  • Kiri the Unicorn
  • Shanzgood

    I also think it’s funny that these types of guys think that a woman who has had a lot of male lovers somehow gets floppy, overused lady parts but men who stick their peens in a lot of places don’t ever risk wearing them down to a nub.

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      For these guys, just suggest they break out the pencil sharpener.

      • Shanzgood

        Ow!

    • BJW

      LOL. It wasn’t having sex but having BABIES that stretched stuff out for me. These dudes going their own way are wackaloon.

      • Shanzgood

        My babies didn’t. Maybe it was the kegels. Or genetic luck, I dunno.

        • BJW

          That’s good. My oldest had THE BIGGEST HEAD ever. The birthing team told me this before having him. (He wasn’t dropping so they x-rayed me.Yup, that was just great to know.) He still has a big head at the age of 29!

          • Shanzgood

            Yikes! Mine were both 8lbs 12oz and with the first one, the midwife said “Where have you been hiding this baby!?”

          • BJW

            Heh. Kind of the same here with the oldest. Big head, big baby. Tried to have baby with midwife (at a hospital) but the doctor had to take over. So I had too many stitches…ugh.

          • Shanzgood

            Yeah, #1 got stuck so the midwife had to cut me and stitches afterward were worse than anything. Glad I didn’t need them with #2.

          • BJW

            My second was less than 6 lbs. WAY easier!

          • BJW

            My second was less than 7 lbs…WAY easier.

          • Empress of the Iguana People

            I hear you about the stitches. My kids’ heads were merely 80th % or so. :/

          • BJW

            It’s going on 30 years so at least the memories are dim. :)

          • Empress of the Iguana People

            One year for me. Rather more vivid.

  • Alex Grey

    They talk about experience as if it’s a bad thing.

  • AuntyMaude

    50 Shades of Gross

    • SeeTrain65

      “The Fault in Our Men”

      • AuntyMaude

        If you insist. :D

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Chads? Femnoids? These people have an entirely different language FFS.

    • TJ Barke

      Aot,k.

      • Resistance Fighter Callyson

        OT, but I love the aviators in your new avatar photo.

    • Ellie

      I had to look up “Chad,” and received quite an education. I think it was better back in the Dark Ages of my alleged youth, when these guys would just sit around in bars commiserating with each other about how all the girls they knew must be Lesbians because there could be no other reason the girls wouldn’t have sex with them. “Whaddya mean, no? You must be a Lesbo.”

    • Khavrinen

      You remember, back in 2000, chads were those bits of Florida’s wacky ballots that ended up giving us what we thought was the Worst. President. Ever.

      Ah, the innocence of youth…

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    I guess I was a slut in college too, since I don’t think a guy a week is so unreasonable for someone just heading out into the dating world.

    Fuck, now I’m jealous of college-age Callyson…

  • AuntyMaude

    If a dick is traveling .03 MPH and is attached to a witless dumbfuck, how long will it have to travel to reach a vagina?

    • Alex Grey
    • What Pierre said

      Dammit, I can’t find the infinity symbol on my phone.

      • Alex Grey

        ∞ (Alt+236 on a PC keyboard.)

    • BillEGoatSmirk

      That doesn’t look anything like the math problems Sister Florence gave us in the 3rd grade.

      • AuntyMaude

        Hm. It might have been a different story with Father Florence.

        • BillEGoatSmirk

          Back in my childhood parish in the 1970’s (Ugh. the days of forced religiosity), it was fairly common knowledge that both of ‘our fathers’ were going out of town regularly to chase ‘hail Marys’.

    • The Librarian

      🎶 “I can see for miles and miles” 🎶

    • Incoming Ham

      I’ll take “Never” for $100, Alex.

    • Shucky Ducky

      20 Scaramuccis.

    • Invisible Bunyip

      Depends on the speed at which the vagina is retreating.

      • Shanzgood

        Hahaha! I’ve known mine to want to move away pretty damn fast!

    • Msgr_MΩment

      European or African?

      • AuntyMaude

        The dumbfuck or the vagina?

    • SeeTrain65

      They’ll cross paths just east of Kansas City.

      Wait … this is my “one train leaves Los Angeles, one leaves New York” answer.

      The answer to this question is “It will never get there. The woman will run screaming from the witless dumbfuck.”

  • Mary Theresa
  • Alex Grey

    Let’s give them an easily understandable example. If you go to the hospital for surgery, do you want to be the surgeon’s first patient, or 200th patient?

    • Alex Grey

      Don’t even get me started, on the miles and miles of internal organs the surgeon has handled.

      • Bobathonic

        I can’t even.

  • Edith Prickly

    Ahem, I am the CEO of Leopard Print Hats and Cats-Eye Classes and before I was married I fucked a few guys who weren’t 6’3″ Chads. Which qualifies me to say that if you are spending all your time calculating how many “miles of dick” a woman has had, you really don’t understand how sex works. Or basic social interaction.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      You still got it, Edith.

      • Edith Prickly

        Thank you dear. *snort*

    • Shanzgood

      I used to think 6’3″ was too tall. Now I know it’s only too tall when they ACT too tall. Baconz is taller than that but he’s humble about it.

      • Edith Prickly

        I’m 5’9″ so I never fussed too much about height. Would have seriously limited my options. ;)

  • Courser_Resistance

    You know, overall I think I’ve spent far less of my time fucking and way more time doing LOTS of other stuff. Like… I just read the Justin Trudeau AND the Foo Fighters stories in Rolling Stone. About 9 this morning, I studied Swedish and then when to two bookstores. I’m not actively fucking anyone now nor am I really looking to. Which leaves lots of time for, I don’t know, LIFE!!!

    • Me not sure

      Watch out! Life will eventually ruin your health and kill you.

      • Courser_Resistance

        Oh, it’s hell on the bod, but it’s too late to stop now!

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      I rented a carpet cleaner!

      • boredcatlady

        Omg don’t even get them started on lesbians!

        • Alex Grey

          “Oh they just can’t find men.” Is what I expect them to say…

    • boredcatlady

      Is that what they call “socializing” (i.e. Looking for dick) if you’re a lady, but hobbies if you are a not-lady?

      • Courser_Resistance

        Well, I politely spoke to a few women and girls, but I’m straight, so. Yes, HOBBIES! I have those!

  • CATMAN

    Just one quick question for Mr Jenkins–if your girlfriend went down for 200 pathetic losers, why are you angry for her going down for just one more, namely yourself?

    • boredcatlady

      Well, you know, she lives in Canada, you wouldn’t know her

  • Major_Major_Major

    Just an FYI for these sad Dick skinners, if you are an openly misogynistic douchebag, you are not involuntarily celibate, you are actively celibate.

  • anon_the_great

    To weird;didn’t read

  • willi0000000

    OK all you MGTOWs . . . line these up!

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      That’s beautiful, man.

  • anon_the_great

    What’s fucked here is the abuse of measurement, the abuse of tools with which we base reality. IT’S FUCKIN GASLIGHTING BY COCK.

    As a proud cock owner I weep for those poor incels.

  • The Librarian

    Lololololololol.
    1. I can’t even.
    2. Maybe blame it on the choice of rap music you played?
    3. I’ll never be able to drink milk again.

    Asshats.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    I prefer to give my money to a honest female: a prostitute or an escort.

    IDK how much those women get paid to do this winner, but it isn’t enough FFS.

    • Rick Hill

      Also, honest?
      “Yeah, Baybee. You’re the best! So big…oh, you’re hurting me! Oh….oh….OHHHHHHH! Yeah…never so strong as that, oh lover boy. No, really, a minute is a long time when it feels that good…..leave the money on the nightstand.”

      • Resistance Fighter Callyson

        Funny, but I’d advise these ladies to get the money upfront if they have to deal with these assholes as clients. Can’t be too careful!

        • Alex Grey

          And don’t take credit or bitcoins…

        • Serai 1

          No hooker worth her salt ever does anything without the money first.

          • House0fTheBlueLights

            Or so you’ve heard

          • Serai 1

            What, you got lots of hooker friends, have you?

          • Ill-Advised

            Only the salty ones.

  • boredcatlady

    Jesus fucking Christ. There’s now a formula for the dick they can’t give away? Ugh those asshokes. Oh look at me, socializing, like a common slut.

    • Rick Hill

      Let me calculate how many comments you’ve taken in on Wonkette…

      • Alex Grey

        I’ve made ~6300 comments, probably 2/3 of which were on Wonkette, OMG does that make me a comment slut?

        • Rick Hill

          I don’t want to talk about it…..

        • mancityRed6

          16,798 er, 99 coments, and 36,562 upvotes.
          yeah, I am.

          • Ill-Advised

            High quality comments. Clearly getting a lot of mileage on them. Congratulations!

      • boredcatlady

        Miles and miles of dick jokes, I’m sure

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg
  • Me not sure

    Hall of famer Dick Miles was one of the greatest American table tennis players ever. Who knew he got laid that much? https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/d9f3357e1ca9975fa6d5f7a0ac3c7a10919170db6835236c2d83185bb51e0dd9.jpg

    • Courser_Resistance

      He looks like Pee Wee Herman

      • Me not sure

        I thought so too.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      We already discussed how far the Moon is in Dick Miles.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Are Dick Miles the new Whore Diamonds?

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Everything for them is socialising which is just an avenue to sex. Work = socialising. Outside of work = playing on phone = socialising. Weekends = socialising. IT’S ALL THEY DO.

    I guess my hours spent reading, working out solo, and meditating don’t count. Or was I secretly hunting for a man during those activities?

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/cd44fddefe754943a692971f4336793acce62531ba0bbca2662283f509cfdae5.jpg

    • willi0000000

      dunno . . . did you find one?

      [ given those activities, if one just showed up he’s probably a peeper . . . watch out ]

    • AuntyMaude

      My first kiss at age 14 was spectacular. However the guy who kissed me asked if I was going to college for my M R S degree. I had no fucking idea what he was talking about. My parental units never uttered the words, “when you get married and have kids of your own…” So it took me a while to catch on.

      • Empress of the Iguana People

        that took me way too long to figure out. And I’m 40.

    • Jamoche

      Oh gosh yes. Any woman reading in public is just begging to have a man come over and distract her from the boring book.

      • BJW

        Sex is great. (I’m married, we’re old marrieds, it’s fine.) But I’m a dedicated reader and have read enough books to get several masters degrees, if I’d had the health/energy. It is NOT A SUBSTITUTE or call for sex! (Fortunately I’m old enough not to get hit on very often. Once in awhile, not often.)

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    One last thought: for men going their own way, they spend a lot of time thinking about women. Just sayin’…

    • Rick Hill

      And jusifying why they’re better off without the wimminses

    • Alex Grey

      And a lot of time thinking about penis…

      • Khavrinen

        Yeah, I noticed that too. I can honestly say that of all the women I’ve been in relationships with, I’ve never given a single thought to the other penises that may have been in their vaginas.

        The only one I did think about was my own; I guess that makes me too self-centered to be a MGTOW? On the other hand, I seem to have done a lot more thinking about what those women were actually feeling than any of them do, so there’s that in my favor — although admittedly that’s a pretty low bar to hurdle…

    • Serai 1

      We live in their tiny little brains, rent-free.

      • John Lo

        But it must be really really nasty in there, and no real leg room …

    • mancityRed6

      on the We Hunted the Mammoth site, they had a story about someone who was all cool with no wimminz, but wanted to talk about hobbies and such. he couldn’t understand why they talk about women all the time if they don’t want them.

  • WomanInThePersistence

    All we do is have sex? Obviously I’m not doing the woman thing right.

    • Alex Grey

      And socialist socialize.

      • mancityRed6

        which leads to sex. it’s a vicious circle

    • janecita
    • Right? I wish! Why am I wasting my day working and cleaning when I could be having sex with a Man (or Woman, I’m flexible like that) Going My Way? But never Men Going Their Own Way. Because why would any woman sleep with men who clearly hate women? No one needs sex that badly.

      • H0mer0

        does it ever occur to them that their entitled attitude towards pussy does not entitle them to receive it?

  • Serai 1

    Before I get into attempting to read the above insanity, here’s a quite serendipitous link you all might enjoy:

    Weird Company tries selling stickers that seal your penis shut as a condom alternative.

    Yeah, that’s what I said.

    • BJW

      Idiotic.

      • Serai 1

        Well, there’s a witty reply.

        • BJW

          Huh? Sinus infection here so not much wit. I’m not saying YOUR comment was idiotic, just expressing that the idea of sealing a penis is…idiotic. Sorry.

          • theCryptofishist

            No to the seal! Pinniped rights, dude!

          • BJW

            Dudette. :) I just like Spock.

          • Serai 1

            “Dude” is a genderless term. :)

          • BJW

            Oh. I’m an old so I miss these rules until I blunder. Is there a special rule site that issues them that I can download? Seems like I get a new rule and then it changes! Get off my lawn!

          • Serai 1

            Oh, dude, I am an Oldz too. I’m so old I remember when nobody except surfers spoke Dude.

          • NoniMausa

            I remember when a “dude” was “a clueless person, usually male, pretending they were a cowboy, usually at a dude ranch where real-cowboy staff would keep them from hurting themselves too much.” Sort of summer camp with horses for grownups.

    • SkinlessGenderlessMan

      Huh. Could try string around the base, also keeps ya artificially turgid…

    • Msgr_MΩment

      “Duct tape libel!” — Red Green

      “If the women don’t find you hung, they should at least find you handy.”

    • Zyxomma

      Oh. Em. Gee.

  • Bobathonic

    Upon further reflection, I think he needs to include inches (miles?) of anal and oral. Then he can drive that much farther away.

  • Tokays_don’t_blink

    If these men want to go their own way, great. I just wish they’d STFU and go already.

    Oh, and I like how women do nothing but have sex, while simultaneously earning degrees and kicking ass at their careers, which makes them too good for the benighted “nice guys.” SMH. Whiny ass titty babies gonna whine, I guess.

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg
  • Incoming Ham

    Too bad they can’t channel that angry angry dufus energy into something worthwhile. I suppose living in your mother’s basement posting misogynistic shit to reddit and MRA sites, playing first person shooters with your “friends”, eating Cheetos and drinking Mountain Dew all day drains your energy. Nothing left to do something that might benefit personkind.

    • John Lo

      You forgot “all the while watching Fox News,” while eating the Cheetos and drinking Mountain Dew. Oh yeah, and rubbing one out since no woman is ever going to fuck these idiots.

  • Serai 1
  • JJ O’Shaughnessy

    The amount of Penises to the Moon varies as the Moon orbits in an ellipse, so the distance varies depending on what part of its orbit it is.

    So, I am a foreigner so I think in Metric. 5.1 inch average Penis size is 12.954 Centimeters.The Moon Orbit Perigee is about 362000 KM and its Apogee is about 405400 KM.

    So the Moon is between 2,794,503,620 and 3,129,535,280 Penises away. I’ll just accept your thanks for making your life that little bit richer. I’ll leave you to work out how much Vaginas that is…

    • Invisible Bunyip

      Don’t forget to divide by the number of thrusts!

      • JJ O’Shaughnessy

        Durn it, knew I forgot something.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      But the orbit covers an equal area of boobs, that’s important to remember.

    • HogeyeGrex

      Three billion penises. She really is a harsh mistress.

  • pgjack

    Men Going Their Own Way?? Is that a real thing? If so these guys are really lost in the woods. What the hell is wrong with them? When I was young I (I’m 70 now) I had quite a few girl friends over the years and yes, we had sex. I assume the women that didn’t become my wife went on to have sex with other men (or women) and I know that most of the women I had sex with were not virgins. My conclusion – So What. I’m not a bad person and I’m sure most of the women I dated didn’t turn out to be bad people. I’d bet most of them went on to have nice families same as me. People have sex and most of us enjoy it. Whoever wrote those ridiculous posts needs psychological help.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      You wouldn’t last five minutes in Reddit with that kind of emotionally healthy attitude.

  • clairence

    I can’t believe people actually talk to each other about this kind of nonsense in a serious way. Having said that, I’m still a little confused at why each thrust constitutes an entire new dick. I guess it makes for a better story. Also, where does one come up with the 100-thrust metric? Is there science behind it?

  • wait! what?

    Elizabeth “Betsy” Braddock sister:

    Baddlocke

  • Ergoetal

    Jesus, Robyn.
    As a guy, I applaud you for bringing this shit to light. I can’t imagine how it must feel to be a woman and have to encounter this kind of maliciousness.

    Thanks for your effort, and do carry on.

  • HogeyeGrex

    100 thrusts to orgasm. At a second a thrust, that’s like a minute and a half.

    And they wonder why nobody fucks them.

    • mancityRed6

      a second each?
      learn from this song:
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rx6kib_hjcA

      • HogeyeGrex

        Frankly, I imagine these guys as rabbit-fuckers. A second would be slow for them.

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-_ZK0ReO5UM

        • mancityRed6

          one job had a shit tonne of hedges around the building. I saw a coyote and a deer around it. but the rabbits were everywhere. I’d laugh because you could see the females put their butts against a wall and strike out when a male got close.

          • Msgr_MΩment

            This explains the growing RGTOW movement.

    • Plus, you just know they think that “penis in, penis out until I ejaculate” is all there is to a sexual encounter.

      Unrelated: I just got a new phone, and it keeps trying to correct “penis” to “pens”. Clearly, it does not know me yet.

      • HogeyeGrex

        thepenismightier…

  • Bill Patterson

    “Penises are keys and vaginas are locks so IT ALL MAKES SENSE.”
    That reminds me of this:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p02DgHeGdyI

    • JesusWasAHippie

      Hmm. If a penis is a water bottle and a mouth is a vagina, then it’s good if everyone has lots of water bottles to drink from, but disgusting if everyone is slobbering over the same hunk of crinkley plastic that’s been refilled who knows how many times? Does that work?

      • VirginiaWackelpudding

        Bravo!

    • BJW

      When I first enjoyed this song, I was too young to get any subtle* (*not really) meanings. I still like it!

      • Mehmeisterjr

        It got a lot of radio airplay so I lot of grown-up program directors must not have had much of a clue.

        I thought that Melanie was about the most annoying singer ever and my opinion hasn’t changed.

        • BJW

          It was just that one song. And I don’t think I’ve listened to it in…so long I can’t remember how long. My tastes are different, hopefully better.

        • The Flaming Carrot

          This isn’t actually her worst performance, by a long shot.

  • mancityRed6

    so basically, they think beggars can be choosers?

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Yes but did they crack the middle out jerking off algorithm?

    • theCryptofishist

      What if one of her ex boyfriends was into some sort of tantra or taoist long lasting fucking without his orgasm? In fact, someone should go over there and ask. Not me, however.

  • JesusWasAHippie

    Math is hard … so, so hard right now … yeah? You like that baby? Mm hmm.

  • TheTrue Pooka

    It is 15,133,852,800 penises to the moon.

    You’re welcome.

    • tehbaddr

      Fully erect or merely semi-turgid?

      • theCryptofishist

        Perihelion or aphelion?

        • Center of Earth to center of Moon, or surface to surface?

          • theCryptofishist

            European or African?

      • Sakonyachen

        Out of a cold pool.

        • tehbaddr

          Shrinkage!

    • Shanzgood

      North Korean or Congolese?

      • Sakonyachen

        Kim Jong Un LIBULZZZ!!!!!

    • Msgr_MΩment

      “Consider a spherical penis…”

      • Invisible Bunyip

        Of uniform density?

      • God Emperor Emeritus

        Don’t be silly, one would obviously model a penis as a cylindrical rod of uniform density.

    • The Flaming Carrot

      European or African? Laden or unladen?

    • Sakonyachen

      This assumes that the penises are not provided by the porn industry.

    • Querolous

      239,228 Miles x 5,280 feet per mile x 12 inches per foot = 15,157,486,080 inches to the moon, divided by 5.17 +/- .65 inch average penis per Wikipedia = a range of 2,604,379,051.55 to 3,353,426,123.89 penis. YMMV.

  • sw19hoofywoofy

    Probably already posted, but
    Mandatory:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SNY9MQmaBBI

  • The Wanderer

    Wait a scrotum-scratching moment. I just read this bit about the MGTOWTFLOLSTPSOB, and I’ve read all of the other articles posted here on the Wonkette. What the fuck happened to men? Based on these articles, many of them have turned into complete wankers.

    • Serai 1

      Nah, the articles had nothing to do with it.

    • Bobathonic

      It’s not gonna wank itself.

    • HazooToo

      It all started when someone told them “No, really. You have to actually listen when a woman says NO.”

      • Spot Letton

        To be fair, they’d never get any sex that way.

    • Sakonyachen

      Not many. Just a keyboard vocal few. I’ve literally never spoken to one of these people in real life. They only tell you these things when they are on the web. They just sit in the corner and despise you in real life I’m guessing.

      • Spot Letton

        Everyone knew one of these guys in college. There were 20,000 undergrads at my campus, so there were enough guys like this to form a whole Young Americans for Freedom chapters.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    Three hours ago, Vicki Lawrence’s Covfete asked:

    <blockquote:Is this that new math people keep talking about?

    Well, it’s taken me a awhile to find out the answer but I finally found the musical answer.

    ♪ Hooray for New Math,
    Screw-hoo-hoo Math?
    How many miles of penis
    Did your ex do Math?
    It’s so simple,
    So simple-minded,
    That only MGTOWS can do it! ♪

    • Serai 1

      You can edit your comments, you know. See where it says “edit”?

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Yeah. Disqus did something crazy there. When I hit edit, everything went a little wonky. It sent me to some other page, it took me awhile to get back and when I did the comment was no longer there to edit. it was weird but typical Disqus.

        So I re-posted it with the correction. And now the unedited version is back!

        Good thing it wasn’t a dick pic.

        BTW – Is there a way to delete the prior version?

        • Serai 1

          Yeah. Float your cursor at the top of the comment, all the way over on the right. You’ll see a little down-pointing arrow appear. Click on that and it gives you a couple of choices, “delete” among them.

          • Mehmeisterjr

            Thanks! I learn something every day.

            Actually, I learned two things today. That and the aggregate length of pipe some nitwit’s ex-girlfriend accommodated.

          • Zyxomma

            Some nitwit’s IMAGINARY ex-girlfriend. FIFY.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    Three hours ago, Vicki Lawrence’s Covfete asked:

    Is this that new math people keep talking about?

    Well, it’s taken me a awhile to find out but I finally found the musical answer.

    ♪ Hooray for New Math,
    Screw-hoo-hoo Math?
    How many miles of penis
    Did your ex do Math?
    It’s so simple,
    So simple-minded,
    That only MGTOWS can do it! ♪

  • Jay Hansen

    Once I tried to derive gamma factor using the Pythagorean theorem (listen to yourself, dude, you’re ten of the most boring dudes anyone has ever met………..).

    • BJW

      Nah. Everyone I’m related to likes math and/or science and we’re nerdy/geeky. Most of us grew up and got happily married. (Old lady here.)

      • The Flaming Carrot

        And next, I’m going to solve the 3-body problem using an imaginary 3-way between this incel, his 1st cousin, and his dog.

        • Spot Letton

          Could you maybe substitute Stephen Miller for his dog?

  • tehbaddr

    5.5 there’s one problem they have right there, most being even smaller. They could compensate with prowess and intellect, but that’s beyond the mind set of “Mom where’s my …”

  • VirginiaWackelpudding

    They still don’t get it do they? Today’s pun?

  • azeyote

    if this guy can’t get fucked by a slut he will have to pay for it, unless his money can’t even get it done – which leaves whacked out religious leaders sheep and his sister –

  • AmazingProfessionalCrastinator

    Is there a way to upvote all the noncomments in a nonexistent thread? Because I’ve been rilly rilly LOL a lot, and I’m not to the end yet.

  • Bill Patterson
    • Bill Diaz

      As an old, fat bald guy, all i can say to you is 2nd Kings, 2nd Ch. Dont make fun of baldies or bears will eat you, it is the word of Dog!

      Have a great day!

  • Such a filthy CMW comment

    ““I don’t even fuck these sluts anymore. I’m not kidding.”

    Anymore?

  • OrdinaryJoe

    With all that inflamed inadequacy and penis pitty, no wonder those white boys can’t get laid?

  • “a prostitute or an escort”

    That woman is going to need a big raise.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      BTW – In this context, isn’t a prostitute the same thing as an escort?

      I mean, he can’t think that he will to get sex for money from “a person, vehicle, ship, or aircraft, or a group of these, accompanying another for protection, security, or as a mark of rank,” can he?

      And if he tries to fuck an aircraft, aren’t the chemtrails going to poison his precious bodily fluids?

  • Steve Cole

    Darwin says “you loose”

    • Khavrinen

      Except Darwin knew the difference between “lose” and “loose”.

      • TundraGrifter

        And Mr. Darwin knew the difference between himself and Herbert Spencer.

  • Such a filthy CMW comment

    I think it was the choice of rap that did it in for him. As in, he chose rap instead of better music.

    In all seriousness though, playing music out loud is a surefire way to get everyone to hate you, which means he was just reacting to not being liked by doing something hated, which explains almost all the behaviour of MGTOWs.

  • Bemused

    I’m confused. If you have a woman willing to sleep with you and you refuse because her number is too high, how is that involuntarily celibate. I’m pretty sure it’s voluntary, yo.

    (also an external locus of control isn’t going to get you far in life in most cases. You chose those headphone, manchild. It ain’t the ladies’ fault.)

    • Sakonyachen

      If you made the story up to impress the other guys in your “why won’t girls sleep with a nice guy like me?” sub, you would technically still be an incel.

      • Bemused

        Well, yes, but he’s pretending not to be, then, so he should try to maintain some consistency.

        • clairence

          I doubt any of them are paying attention anyway….

  • TundraGrifter

    I can confirm that “math” (arithmetic, actually, but so what?) is 50 years old.

    It hasn’t improved any over the past five decades.

  • Blender_415

    This is the best thing I’ve read in a long time. When I go on my ride tomorrow, I’m going to make a point of exclaiming “WOW! THAT’S A BUNCH OF DICK!!!” to my ride mates at exactly the point my bike computer hits 10.45 miles.

    Without any context, of course.

    • The Flaming Carrot

      I’m riding tomorrow. Same deal.

    • Bill Diaz

      Isnt that a ‘furlong’?

      Have a great day!

      • Spot Letton

        No, more like a fur short.

    • Andy_Kreiss

      New bike lingo.

      “You wanna go for a mousey librarian ride, or the full sorority slut ride?”

  • capnkrunch

    I wish you cunts had tinnitus and were incels. I am a nice guy. Why won’t you have sex with me?

    MGTOWs in a nutshell.

    • handyhippie65

      a nice guy doesn’t call women cunts cause they can’t get a date. they cry about women having standards that are too high, but only want to date submissive supermodels. the stupid, it burns!

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    100 thrusts per session?

    Anybody else think that’s a high estimate?

    • everstar

      I was literally just about to write, “The funniest thing in this post is the idea that your average college-age boy is able to hold out for a hundred thrusts.”

    • Bill Diaz

      For whom?

      Have a great day!

    • laineypc

      TBH, I was like “who the hell counts that shit?” After miles and miles and miles it never occurred to me to count the white lines passing by.

      • everstar

        Of course they were counting their thrusts! How else were they going to impress the other men on the internet?

        • handyhippie65

          well, mebbe the counting helps with a distraction. from the fact that they are dating rosie.

        • Andy_Kreiss

          It helps them countdown to mom getting back from the store.

    • tehbaddr

      Uhh, you’ve never had marathon sex.

    • handyhippie65

      i don’t know, i can still manage a good half an hour. with as little practice as i get, i think the all nighters are beyond me now though. being old and alone sucks.

    • Smibo

      Yeah, my thought too. As if he would ever make it to 100 thrusts. Or even consider whether or not the totally theoretical woman was getting there (or not, as is virtually guaranteed in his case).

      The part where he thinks women should write to him to apologize for causing his tinnitus is especially rich. I hope one does write him an apology, actually. Something along the lines of “I’m sorry you’re such an unfuckable asshole. It must really suck to be you; just knowing that pathetic dweebs such as yourself even exist, saddens me.”

  • You should ice that burn

    I don’t know, these guys don’t seem to be going their own way at all, their identities are chained to the objects of their derision. Maybe just don’t be assholes?

  • YoBunnyBunny

    Zigis2 writes “I don’t even fuck these sluts anymore. I’m not kidding. I prefer to give my money to a honest female: a prostitute or an escort.”

    What???? So dude doesn’t fuck women who have had too much peen in them, but he will fuck (in theory at least) a woman whose primary job description is to take on all kinds of peen???

    No, clown, you don’t “prefer” escorts, they’re your only option–again, in theory because LOOK AT YOU!!!!!

    • Spot Letton

      He better hope escorts never adopt dynamic pricing models.

    • Tosca

      Content warning; discussion of misogyny, transphobia, sexual assault, appearance shaming, homophobia, ableism…basically, anything MRAs like to do to women and femme folk. Sorry.

      It’s to do with their fucked-up power dynamics. For a start, sex is not undertaken as a pleasure in its own right; it’s a performative act, to win respect and status with other men. The more “chicks” a MRA “bangs”, the greater his status.

      The only power they acknowledge that women have, is the power to “deny” men sex. If they can manipulate, trick or force* a woman into “giving” them sex, they have taken the power from her and put it where they feel it belongs – with them. Non-sex workers are tricky, because there are a LOT of possible solutions to the problem of getting them to bang you.

      Banging sex workers, on the other hand, is perfectly straightforward. You give them money and they HAVE to do what you say**. The power is in the MRA’s hands from first contact. The sex worker wants something from HIM, and it’s in his power to give or deny it. It’s the difference between asking someone else to buy you a present, and marching into a shop and buying THEM something flashy.

      While there’s no absolute rules about the Status Hierarchy of Fucking, there are some generals. Women are divided*** into High Status (young conventionally attractive AFAB), Low Status (AFAB but insufficiently young or conventionally attractive; has children; has disabilities; does not perform gender to the tastes of the Manosphere) and Negative status (trans women or AMAB non-binary people).

      Sex with a High Status woman is ALWAYS preferable to sex with a Low-status woman, even if the HS woman has to be paid. Low-status women are only acceptable if the MRA makes revolting jokes about “jumping on a grenade” or can show he hurt the woman’s feelings after tricking her into sex. Sex with a Negative Status woman will DAMAGE his standing in the Manosphere, because (WARNING SERIOUS TRANSPHOBIA AHEAD)
      @
      @
      @
      @
      these creeps see them as men, and sex with them as a threat to their all-important masculinity.

      Women (especially high-status women) who won’t “give it up” have to be demonised to the point that sex with her would no longer carry status. So she’s ugly. She’s crazy. Her sex parts are worn out with too much sexing, so she wouldn’t be good sex and why would bother. It’s a profoundly disordered and dysfunctional way of dealing with rejection, but…well..profoundly disordered and dysfunctional pretty well covers the manosphere.

      Aaaaaaaaand now I need to go shower.

      TL:DR: MRAs have sex to impress their bros. Paying for it with a hottie will impress the bros more than free sex with a fat chick, because ugh, fat chicks, right?

      *Yes, you’re absolutely right this is rape. But we’re looking at things from their nasty point of view for a moment, and they see “forcing a woman to have sex” as a legitimate tactic to “get laid”. Why do you think they’re all so worried about “false” rape accusations?

      **Yes, this is ALSO rape because OF COURSE sex workers maintain the right to withhold or withdraw consent. And yet there are innumerable gross people who will seriously argue that you CAN’T rape a sex worker as long as you pay when you’re done, and even if you don’t pay it’s theft of service rather than rape.

      ***I’m so,so sorry to have to talk about so many women and femme folk like this. I’m SO sorry.

    • vaiyt

      I doubt they enjoy escorts, to be honest. By definition, the professional relationship with a prostitute is a contract. It requires that both parties accept the terms and only goes as far as their money allows. This precludes them from having all the power to set and break boundaries, which seems to be what they get off on.

  • gullywompr

    My girlfriend has taken ten miles of dick too. But she’s only ever had sex with me. And only the one time. With one thrust. Hiyo.

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      The shrooms were that good, eh?

    • The Flaming Carrot

      Lucky U.

    • handyhippie65

      so how do you get around pushing that wheelbarrow all the time?

      • gullywompr

        It takes a village.

      • NoniMausa

        Literally laughed out loud. Much amuses me, but I hardly ever LOL these days. The cat gave me a surprised look.

  • The Flaming Carrot

    Anybody else notice how sadly impressed this lot is with a wee bit of multiplication? One recommended that the poster be awarded a B.S. in Applied Mathematics. Another said he should apply for a position with NASA.

    • To be fair, this NASA stands for Nevar Avar Sexin Awommin.

  • Sakonyachen

    “Average dick size is 5.1 inches”

    SAKONYACHEN LIBULZZZ!!!!

  • everstar

    Half a gallon of semen? Really? That seems unlikely.

    Google tells me the WHO has determined the average amount of ejaculate to be around 3.7 ml or 3/4 of a teaspoon. (It does not tell me how they’ve determined it, and I’m not checking.) 3.7 ml * 200 = 740 ml. 740 milliliters is about (obviously) 3/4 of a liter, or a little over three cups (25 oz). Half a gallon is eight cups, or 1.89 liters.

    For comparison’s sake, let’s say the young lady in question is twenty years old, started menstruating when she was thirteen, hasn’t missed a period, and on average loses about 35 ml or 1 oz of menstrual fluid per cycle. Seven years, twelve periods a year (more or less) is 84 periods. 35 ml * 84 = 2940 ml or 2.94 liters, which is about .77 gallons or 99 oz. Her natural bodily processes, in other words, have produced nearly four times as much liquid as the semen he’s all freaked out by.

    What’s my point? A) I too can do pointless back-of-the-envelope calculations, and B), these boyos really need to stop confusing porn with reality. Half a gallon, indeed.

    • Spot Letton

      You have to remember, they’ve never actually observed a penis ejaculating in the presence of a woman during the act of sex, only in the laboratory.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      I am certain that there are other threads discussing how women are totally disgusting because of their periods, too.

  • The Flaming Carrot

    Also, university typically begins in late August/early September and ends in May. So his girlfriend’s alleged interactions at college actually took place approximately every 5 days, unless she attended summer school.

    • Spot Letton

      I think we have to allow for the possibility that during spring break she upped her rate to, say, five a day, and thus was able to maintain a more relaxed pace the rest of the year. But then we also have to factor in that drunken penises might not have been at their full extension, which might bring her under the ten-mile mark.

      • Jackie Jones

        Good for her! Lollll

  • Bill Diaz

    Anyone who knows anything about monster weenies knows, it isnt length that is the important bit of math, but displacement. If this was real world math, he would have done ‘Dong Displacement’ and given the answer in Olympic pools of cock rather than this weak assed linear measurement stuff.

    Also, f*ck those guys too.

    Have a great day!

    • Spot Letton

      Volume calculations are hard.

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        Thank goodness!

      • John J Publicus

        Well, consider that these blokes may ultimately be dealing with soft numbers…

    • tehbaddr

      “Girth”!

      • clairence

        Wayne’s World! Wayne’s World!

        (oh. you said girth)

        • Marsupial

          Party on, Girth!

    • Andy_Kreiss

      Also, too, the “100 thrusts” bit. Using 2 thrusts per second as a good average rate, this may be another clue to these poor lads’ sadness and loneliness.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    Is this like the “letters to the Editor” in Penthouse magazine? Is it just a fantasy these men have about how all women are stupid sluts so as to explain why they aren’t in a committed relationship, when the real reason is that they are morons? Because I don’t know any real women who behave the way they describe.

    • Jackie Jones

      And they’re probably ugly

  • Arthur Gane

    A man who has that much sex is a stud, a women is a slut.
    Is it possible that these, so called men, have never had sex and are dreaming about it all the time.
    Get out of Mums basement guys, get some sun, get a life and if you are polite, intelligent, thoughtful you might get laid BUT more likely you’ll be laughed at because you are stupid so stay at home and keep wanking

  • Spot Letton

    Robyn, you, perhaps more than any other political commentator on today’s scene, are helping us understand why Trump is president.

  • handyhippie65

    hey doofuses, practice makes perfect. when your lady is laying it on you good, because she knows what she’s doing, thank all those practice people. it is you, who are enjoying all of those skills, not them. i never understood the fascination with unskilled labor.

    • Andy_Kreiss

      I’ve never understood the guys, back before I was an old, who were looking for virgins. I didn’t want a trainee.

      • Tosca

        Because virgins have nothing to compare them to, and won’t realise if they are bad at The Sex.

        • Andy_Kreiss

          I suppose that’s the obvious explanation. They can be “The Best”.

          I prefer a little pressure, motivation to excel.

      • Bill Diaz

        Its not the experience with sex that is the problem, many women (and men) with decades of ‘experience’ under their belts still dont know how to fuck (or even why). Practice is fun and educational, so that can be fixed.

        The problem with virgins is the unhealthy obsessions that can come along with being someone’s ‘first’. Trying to help people over ‘crossing the hump’ over sexual hang ups, shame etc is tough enough without feeling like you are the cause of future counseling bills, lol.

        I think that is why those MRA asshats prefer virgins. Not only is there no basis of comparison (100 strokes?, lol!), but there is probably an added attraction of emotional manipulation and control they seek.

        That in my mind is what makes them truly sick, they dont want a partner, they want a ‘fuck doll’ with a Social Security number.

        Have a great day!

        • LadyLaz

          Pretty much on point I’d agree

        • Andy_Kreiss

          It may be both of those, the fear of competition AND wanting the hang-ups that normal people would rather avoid.

  • Spot Letton

    We’re all kind of getting lost in the penis math here, but we’re forgetting the first guy’s report that he used to walk around listening to rap music hoping that a girl would fuck him. Anyone had the experience of a girl coming up to them and saying, “Ooooh, you listen to rap music, let’s fuck” ? Because I’d definitely be willing to give it a try.

    • handyhippie65

      not even to get laid. i don’t think my music ever got me any, but i know my long hair did. the 80’s were awesome!

    • Count Awesome

      Their penis math is a lot like “Highlander” in that “there can only be one.”

    • badphairy

      I think they think that’s what it’s like to be black.

  • Keith Taylor

    Iamhopeless256 is hopeless all right. I would even say, “That poor bloke”, since he’s stupid enough to advertise how hopeless he is on the internet, as if he didn’t have enough problems. I would. But he’s apparently not kidding and also very spiteful, so I won’t sympathise with him. The number of people in this world you would not have believed were real …
    Occurs to me to wonder. Is he perhaps also dangerous?

  • Zyxomma

    I’m glad I’m an old. Maybe one of these days I’ll find me a nice old man. Maybe I won’t (actually, that’s more likely). In any case, I’m really, really glad I don’t have to deal with any of these very sick Men Going Their Own Way.

    • Mathew G. Smith

      I’d be astonished if anyone has to deal with them. They seem to resent the very idea of interacting with anyone but each other.

    • Jackie Jones

      Boys

    • The level of hatred/anger in their forums is very disturbing. It’s a toxic little sociopathic bubble that hopefully they will grow out of.

      • Keith Taylor

        One hopes, for sure. Because it is disturbing. These jokers seem potentially the sort of freaks who went to Hannibal Lecter for their therapy.

  • Count Awesome

    If these assholes are thinking with their dicks, then they’re doing it wrong.

  • The Flaming Carrot

    The plot thickens. Buster is from the UK. Why, then, is he using inches and miles? Shouldn’t he be using centimetres and kilometres?

    • God Emperor Emeritus

      They still use miles for car-related purposes.

      • Teecha

        And inches for penis length. And height.
        And stones and pounds for people’s weight.

        • Invisible Bunyip

          You have to look hard to get anybody still using stones.

          • Teecha

            Pretty standard here. Even my doctor uses stone and pounds.

            I joined a gym which was an American franchise and weigh-ins were done in pounds, but there was a chart on the wall converting to stone, because none of us had any idea of lb on their own.

          • Invisible Bunyip

            Okay, I stand corrected. Stones are convenient in that you’re working with smaller numbers.

    • Such a filthy CMW comment

      Seconding that British people (like me) use miles for car things. Oh, and inches for… random things that could just as easily be done with centimetres. Personally, I couldn’t tell you how many metres were in a kilometre if the ‘kilo’ part didn’t give it away.

      I would suggest that this person is old enough to remember before we changed from Imperial, but I think that is unlikely judging by the fact we’re talking about MGTOWs and they usually seem about fifteen.

      • The Flaming Carrot

        Interesting! I thought the switch toward metric was more complete.

        I would guess that Buster is in his 20s based on the age of his FB friends. Most of these MGTOWs are cases of arrested development.

        • Such a filthy CMW comment

          Definitely! You still sometimes even get people complaining that they don’t understand these ‘newfangled’ measurements, while I find them much more simple.

  • Raan

    I always figured my tinnitus was from a lifetime of sleeping with the fan on because I got the vampire legend mixed up and thought the cross shape of the ceiling fan would attract vampires.

    This isn’t a joke, this is a real belief I had when I was in elementary school.

    • h4rr4r

      I thought loud sounds caused tinnitus. I have to have the fan on!

  • Royal Ugly Dude

    These people are terrible at penis math. Why, there wasn’t even a term in that equation for the girth-to-shaft differential.

    • Count Awesome

      That would require high school level math or geometry.

    • Raan

      Not to mention the angle of the shaft and deflection to penis left or right.

  • h4rr4r

    Robyn, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. As a man learning about these losers makes me feel immeasurably better about myself. I might be a nerdy 30 something at 5’7″, but I have realized I am apparently an uber man chad.

    Note to any of these losers that may find this post: haha you dolts, I have reproduced!

  • The Flaming Carrot

    The original man going his own way.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w2X3vVMdh-s

  • Jackie Jones

    So cute how high school boys haven’t figured out that belonging to this “support group” equals loser. But sure, blame it on the wymmyn you’ll never get.

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    Christ on a bike! Pat Robertson gives better relationship advice than these luuzers.

    • sarafina

      Really?

  • Invisible Bunyip

    Seeking clarity, I went to Urban Dictionary. ‘Chad’ has 162 definitions.

    Now I am more confused than ever.

    • natoslug

      Chad is hung. Beyond that, I’m not sure.

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        There’s a lot of dangling when Chads are involved.

        • Moar Wordz

          When he said Chad he forgot to substitute
          ” a ” for ” o” with an “e” after “d “.

    • Never been to Chad but I’ve heard it’s nice in June – July. Cool flag too. The average penis length in Chad is longer than 5.1 inches so I’m told.

  • Jeff Mc Donald

    I know it’s just me…is it just me? But…well…I was wondering if possibly there was better use that might be put to ones time, and comes to that their math skills, than to figure out slut quotients all the day long. I notice their is a deficiency in the research into how much “pipe” this lad “has laid”. Perhaps figures that are only in the inches, and take place in one drunken night in moms basement aren’t that interesting for research of this type.

  • WhoCheckedRussia’sVoterID

    Personally, I enjoy an experienced partner…

    What? I’m I missing a point?

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    You do realize that the Moon has an elliptical orbit right?

    So the number of dicks would vary with position.

    lol

    • Bill Diaz

      ‘Reverse Cowboy’ being the most ‘dick positionally rich’ of those options, but couldnt find a clip for the South Park episode where they DP the moon.

      Have a great day!

      • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

        I wondered how long it would take somebody to recognize the setup of dicks and positions existed in that post :)

  • Weird Fishes

    It’s a lot of penises to the moon. I’d do the math but it’s late and I’m lazy.

    • natoslug

      From what I recall, there actually have been very few penises that have made it to the moon.

      • Khavrinen

        And no vaginas, unfortunately.
        Having a penis seems a pretty stupid requirement for allowing someone to go to the moon.

  • sarafina

    Well, that was a rather disgusting set of word problems.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Would have made the SATs more interesting.

  • Le Chapeau

    Not one of these morans seemed to be in anything remotely resembling an actual human relationship with a person of the female persuasion.

    • I’m assuming they don’t get out much. Too much penis math to do. I wonder if they look differently at their mother after penis math?

    • Keith Taylor

      I would say that nails it.

    • TundraGrifter

      Starting with their mothers. Sadly.

  • natoslug

    I was told there would be no math. Also, I am not named Chad, but I am 6’3″. And I have no interest in sexing up any of these guys’ imaginary girlfriends. That is all.

    • TundraGrifter

      Chad? Wasn’t he the guy who fucked up Al Gore’s chances of becoming President down in Florida?

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        he was pretty well hung

  • natoslug

    So . . . do guys really measure their dicks? I’ve never felt the need, personally. It seems to work well for its various tasks — do I really need to worry about its length, girth, and any other attributes? And what are the other attributes that I need to be concerned about? I figured as long as it didn’t hurt when I peed, I was good.

  • hvdv

    It’s kind of adorable, in a gross way, how these fellas sit down with their calculators and stab the buttons all earnest-like just so they can put a number on their disappointment. Bless.

  • Duke

    I’ve been thinking about the “100 strokes” part of this. Figuring a stroke per second as a minimum, that’s under two minutes.

    Unintentional self-reporting on that? Maybe the problem for him is that women anticipate more time spent putting their clothes back on then actual sex.

  • motmelere

    A bunch of guys imagining pints of cum and driving down miles of penis shouldn’t be complaining about the lack of sex with women; they need men.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      I’m not gonna give ’em a pity fuck. I got standards.

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      Ding! Ding! Ding!!

      • Such a filthy CMW comment

        Or, ‘dong,’ even…

  • What kind of person actually sits around and thinks about shit like this. Well, I have one piece of advice for them: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cUO3wm9EBaM

  • OldFattyLumbkin

    Interestingly it seems to be the “10.45 miles of sex” that the Math Guy objects to. It never seems to occur to him that if his ex-girlfriend had had just one sexual partner for those 4 years she would still have had the same “10.45 miles of sex”

    • The Flaming Carrot

      He didn’t seem to consider the probability that she had sex more than once with the same guy.

      • badphairy

        Well, it’s never happened to HIM.

  • On come on, this is fine SAT prep work. “So if I multiply the douchebag factor (I think the term “square” would be appropriate) and then divide by the number of times these people will get laid in their lifetimes snd you get a bif fat zero.” See that brain-teaser has already sharpened the ‘ol mind.

  • Riley Whodat Venable

    I have but one thing to say. A pole never wore out a hole.

    • LadyLaz

      Oooo good

    • Skeptical_thinker

      Why do people say “grow some balls”? Balls are weak and sensitive! If
      you really wanna get tough, grow a vagina! Those things take a pounding

      Never said by Betty White.

  • William

    Holy Christ on a pogo stick. What sort of man obsesses over shit like this? ….Oh….right. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/680245c1b9dfb56c939f1f6b97370d059f184322cc4c9ef81dfddd8ab9a318ea.jpg

    • Daniel Nee

      Umm but y what I mean you only have two hands… I mean…. if that’s real that guy gave someone $$$ for that rig

      • William

        *sigh*. Don’t you watch movies? When you’re in a gun battle, you fire hundreds, nay THOUSANDS of rounds at your opponent, then when you run out of ammunition, you keep pulling the trigger (several times) only to hear the disappointing click of an empty weapon (several times), then you look at the weapon with surprise and distain and throw it at your opponent. Repeat as necessary, or until you run out of weapons.

  • John J Publicus

    “The average penis is 5.5 inches..”

    They seem to accept that number, until one of them LOWERS it, and they all feel relieved.

    I think I’ve spotted one of their problems….

  • Keith Taylor

    I’m no expert on the subtleties of relationships. Took me long enough to get ONE relationship right. But. Like most people with a normal number of functioning brain cells, I can see dumb rationalization when it’s right in front of me and obvious enough. Any bastard who asserts, righteously and in public, “Give me a prostitute any time, it’s better, it’s more honest,” is a prat who can’t get a woman to hit a mattress with him for any reason except dollars. The really big advantage, for him, is that if he’s mediocre or worse in the sack, the lady won’t complain. She will keep her mouth shut and earn the cash.

    • Moar Wordz

      I’m geussing that even a sex worker has her phone on speed dial to her nearest badass friend throughout the entire transaction, eyes rolling and not from happy nice time

    • vaiyt

      I’ll bet money he doesn’t like prostitutes either, because he sounds like exactly the kind of person who wants to pay for a fantasy of disempowering someone else, and get disappointed when they can’t control the exchange farther than what their money allows.

  • Jay Silversmith

    Even don the con seems overly concerned about his size and the virginity of women that are not his wife.

  • UnsaltedSinner
    • Mike

      I met Neil a few years back and he is exactly the same person off air as when he’s on…clever, funny, and brutally dismissive of ridiculous fallacious arguments.

  • 100 thrusts? Wha?

    • mfp, all 6s&7s&9s

      i think it goes without saying (but i will anyway) they’re doin it wrong

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      That bit gave me a mental image of one of these idiots watching porn while counting.

    • Major Lee Pissed ✓ᵛᵉʳᶦᶠᶦᵉᵈ

      “…..98 ….. 99 …… 100!!!!!! Aaaaargh!!!! Yea you liked that didn’t you. Yea I know. Now go make me a sandwich. Chop chop.”

      How women aren’t falling all over themselves to be with one of these guys is just absolutely perplexing.

      • Moar Wordz

        UGH

      • Moar Wordz

        Is that you, David ? I worked w/ a Lee. Still stealing bechamel off the cold line ?

    • Bad Tom

      A number pulled right from his ass, ironically.

  • mfp, all 6s&7s&9s

    khaa-ryst, these pathetic assholes…first, i cant decipher half their code-talk bs, and dont even want to…second, i really hope they never get to contribute to the gene pool (highly unlikely, but then some people will fuck anything) and that this insane shit dies with them

    i recently had a surgery and couldnt leave the house for a couple weeks, so i thought i’d binge-watch ‘the handmaids tale’ on netflix…youknow, to keep up the morale and rally those failing spirits!

    anyway, it just occurred to me that if these guys were rich spoiled asshole trump jr types instead of the mom-basement-dwelling slugs that they are, we might already be living the handmaids tale….pathetic despicable scum

    • Shanzgood

      You’re not far off. Some of them in the incel crowd think the government should assign them girlfriends.

      • Bitter Scribe

        While probably being against subsidies for health insurance.

      • Fred Lopez

        Ah, they want guaranteed minimum cum, not to be confused with a guaranteed minimum income.

  • Mike

    Lawd fucking help us…
    I’m embarrassed to admit I’m male after reading these whiney ass excuses from a bunch of losers who obviously can’t get laid and haven’t figured out why.
    It sounds like a bunch of dudes who bought those books advertised in the back of Mad Magazine on how to pick up chicks, but only read the first few pages before trying it out on their cousin (or sister)
    Thankfully, the chances these clowns will reproduce and spread their seed is somewhere between nil and none.

    • Bad Tom

      Sadly, I think the chance that they will commit a violent crime is higher than usual.

  • nightmoth

    That “women gave me tinnitus” sounds like satire, but I guess it’s not. Also: a dating tip for all those MRAs out there. We were in a restaurant last week and in comes a muscular, tattooed young man carrying a beautiful baby girl and a diaper bag, who is meeting another man to celebrate his baby’s 1st birthday. The other man has brought his two children, as well. The baby daddy enjoyed hanging with his buddy, and stayed easily attentive to his child. This is what a “real man” looks like, you twits, and the sooner you drop your dehumanizing stereotypes of what constitutes feminine and masculine, the sooner you’ll get a date. It’s okay for women to be tough, and it’s okay for men to be nurturing. Why are we STILL having this conversation, anyway?

    • Hardly Ideal

      Maybe OT, but maybe not.

      This is one of the things that troubles me so much about Trump getting elected. Before then, it felt like we were actually making a turn. Like we were actually moving towards a more egalitarian society where, say, manly men could take care of their kids.

      Then it happened and everything was “Nope, we’re still ten hairs away from being baboons.”

      • nightmoth

        “10 hairs away from being baboons” LOL! Too true.

  • proudgrampa

    What the hell?

    This is something The Onion cooked up, right?

    So how many dicks laid end-to-end (haha!) does it take to reach the moon? I’m too lazy to do the math…

    • Mike

      235k*5280/12/5.1 = the number of dicks on Reddit

      • Bill Diaz

        You are missing a conversion factor!

        Have a great day!

  • TundraGrifter

    “Average dick size is 5.1 inches…” Somebody is trying to make himself feel better.

    Years ago Masters & Johnson said they knew the average size but they wouldn’t release the data.

    • SomeOtherDude

      Kinsey collected that kind of data, but it was “self measured.” It’s in a book that UI (I think) published. A condom company did their own measuring, but I think at spring breaks. Both were predominantly from college students. Both were something just over 5, with the average self-measured being a quarter or half inch longer than the company-measured. Figures :-)

      • TundraGrifter

        Now there’s a fascinating job – Dick Measurer.

      • TundraGrifter

        Remember the old Cold War joke? The Russians decided it was time for a little psych ops, so they placed an order with an American condom (named for Col. Condum, as I recall, but that’s another story) for several thousand 8″ rubbers.

        The US of A firm happily shipped them off in boxes labeled “Medium.”

  • Bill Diaz

    In thinking about this issue, it seems that there is a proportional relationship between the ‘Hickory Farms Gift-pack’ and how emotionally secure many males seem to be.

    If you look at how cool, competent, loose and confident our last President was compared to our current one, it certainly supports the hypothesis. It is my firm belief that the only thing that let LBJ get over the racial animus of his Texas upbringing and sign the CRA and VRA is that he didnt have to feel insecure about his wang in comparison to ‘People of Color’.

    The corollary of that idea is that the more someone is involved with racist, nationalist and ‘He-Man’ related things (guns, trucks, PUA), the more likely they are to be ‘below average’ in other attributes physical, mental and emotional.

    Secure men wear pink, cry at sad movies and have little need to declaim their ‘masculinity’. Insecure men talk about ‘sluts’, the evils of feminism and blame everyone else BUT themselves for their inability to acquire a ‘Fuck-Mommy’ to do their laundry and nuke their ‘Hot Pockets’. I wonder where these boys have gotten such a screwed up view of women and the responsibilities involved in relationships?

    Have a great day!

    • (((Aron)))

      Bill, that is some great analysis there. Seriously.

      I would have paid VERY good money to be a fly in the wall for a meeting between LBJ and BHO someplace casual and private (except for me as the fly, of course!)

      • mardam422

        Like the old story about Milton Berle. Only take out enough to win.

        • (((Aron)))

          HA!

          That water sure is cold…

  • Manhattan123

    If you ever wondered how Trump got elected…

    • mardam422

      The same group who are calculating the miles of dick in their girlfriends also believe there were 25 million illegal voters in 2016. Seems math isn’t really their strong suit.

  • Culinary Mercenary

    Math is hard but these guys probably aren’t.

  • Bad Tom

    Wonder if Buster Jenkins ever did the math on how much dick his tube sock has seen?

    I guarantee you he has wacked off more than 600 times in his life.
    ——-
    Turn that Rap up loud, Buster.

    • mardam422

      I can beat that in a month. No pun intended.

  • Alternative Dog

    A key that opens many locks is a good key. A lock that is opened by many keys is a bad lock.

    It is starting to make sense. For these boys their mommy is the ultimate safe. The one place where they would always be secure and exalted. If many keys open that lock, they have lost their refuge. Poor things.

  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    Question: A certain number of Men Go Their Own Way onto a northbound train on a track that is made entirely of imaginary dicks. The train itself is the length of the average number of imaginary dicks being imagined by these men. The train increases its speed by 5.12581 inches per hour for every imaginary dick penetrating their imaginary girlfriends. At the end of the track is reality, which is a solid wall that does not move. On the right side of that wall is a crowd of people who ridicule these Men.

    Is the force of ridicule generated by the crowd enough to turn any of these Men away from slamming into the wall of reality?

    Remember to show your work.

    Bonus Question: Can anyone or anything shut them up? Extra Credit: FOREVER PLEASE??

    • (((Aron)))

      I’ve got this here enhanced radiation nuclear warhead…

    • Daniel Nee

      Ummm dick* dick^10 < imaginary gf…carry the balls.. now reality has a mass of n^10 if n is the stink of these dudebros. Not wait – whining snow flax fuck heads… ummm ok so the force of the mockery is inverted by these losers into a bage of honor. A dick shaped bage thus the total dick in the sistem is grater then the minamal dick necessary for dick railment of the dick train..

      So ah no? Thanks prof

    • anomie

      hmm I thought you were going Trolley Problem with this.

      in which case the larger question is: SHOULD enough mockery be applied to avoid a collision with the reality wall?

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Please tell me these people aren’t real and that those posts are just parody…

    WOW

    • Invidosa

      I wish. This is the shit that makes me afraid of men

      • Hardly Ideal

        This is the shit that makes me, a card-carrying penis-haver, afraid of men.

  • Moar Wordz

    For ” straight ” Brodudes, they sure like thinking about, ad infinitum, miles of dick. The descriptions ! The imagery ! It’s as if DICK was always on their tiny minds. Paving their way, so to speak. A penis brick road.

  • Jay Hansen

    Enough, already!

  • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

    By the way, I can’t believe we missed the MOST OBVIOUS: there IS no girlfriend. The entire “girlfriend” is in his imagination, and he probably didn’t do any driving (too tiring). He just wanted to think about dick, dick, dick, miles of dick, thrusting dick, long dick. These guys are so utterly sad and pathetic in their impotent hatred of themselves and their projection of that hatred onto women.

    • Aileen

      Gallons of semen. “Think about that next time you’re getting milk at the grocery store.” Oh, I bet he’s thinking about that riiight now.

      • IHaveThoughts

        Not gonna lie, the phrase “creamy white milk” just made me want to vomit a little bit.

  • SnarkON

    I bet these Men Going Their Own Way guys are super good-looking. Just a guess. Nothing really to back it up. Kind of a hunch.

  • Maetspangler

    Matrix56a

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  • Chris M

    This penis math is fun! Let’s see 100 thrusts; we’ll assume 1,25 seconds per thrust–it’s kind of slow, but I’m trying to help him out; gives 125 seconds to completion… Hope all the ladies enjoyed those two minutes!

  • UpstateNYObserver

    Now I know where the over stimmed morons from middle-school went. I made the mistake of following that link Robyn put in, it was kind of depressing that there are males who actually think like this. I wonder what these “men” will be like when they’re on Social Security.

    • sillyclucker

      Donald Trump

  • Marr

    With a an average of 5.5 inches it is 229,344,000 dicks to the moon. Perhaps we could contact a bunch of these men’s rights dudes together like Legos and use them as the umbilical for a space elevator to the moon.

    Though I seriously believe they will come up short and be unable to reach.

    • Hardly Ideal

      *begins sweating suddenly* Should I go on? Eh, let’s do it.

      Last I checked, a space elevator would need a tether in geostationary orbit, i.e. standing still from the perspective of the ground. That’d go up only about 35,000 miles as opposed to the lunar 238,000 miles.

      But even so, you can’t go with a dick umbilical- let’s call it a dickbilical- with a uniform thickness. At those astronomical lengths, you have to consider the dickbilacl’s ability to hold up its own weight. You’d basically need to have a dickbilacl that’s much thicker at the orbital end.

      What I’m saying is we’re gonna need more dicks.

  • Oblios_Cap

    These MGTOWS are some seriously disturbed individuals. I think their estimate of MGTOW dick size is probably off by a couple of inches too much.

  • NastyBossetti

    This weekend, my lady friends and I are going to calculate how many Roman aqueducts’ worth of vaginas our dudes’ dicks have been in and then dump them for being people who have had sex before.

  • Traitor

    I haz question. It is serious, so naturally this seems like the right place to ask…

    Is WGTOW a thing? I will explain.

    There is the case of someone who was rather intensely sexual in her 20s and most of her 30s, and enjoyed it thoroughly, without apologies. At the time she put it thusly:

    “Just because I’m with someone, doesn’t mean I’ll stop myself if I meet someone I like. All the guys I’ve been with have just gotten better and better, so why would I ever stop?”

    Now in her early 40s, the subject remains single, but her outlook has taken a perplexing turn towards a kind of strange mirror image of MGTOW attitudes. Men are now viewed as devious and evil, their sexuality is “pervy”, and this somehow pollutes all sex and makes it something to be avoided at all cost. She claims to want a relationship, but refuses to sleep with anyone she dates, because reasons. She finds ways to blame men for just about anything, and often indulges in violent fits of anger towards anything masculine. At the same time, she is a bit of a tomboy, and partial towards firearms, safari trips, and camouflage clothing.

    So, much like with MGTOW, there is anger, resentment, blaming, conflicts regarding sex, and a self-imposed loneliness. There are cats. I should also point out that the person is very attractive, and commands attention from men of all ages, so the voluntary celibacy is not for lack of opportunity.

    Strangely, one male specimen is held totally exempt from all this negativity, and the person continues to make romantic gestures towards him. These are highly emotional, intense, and not at all asexual, and go back more than a decade. They have also been unsuccessful.

    Thoughts? Ideas? Is this WGTOW? Asking for a friend…

    • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

      Short answer: bitch got woke.

      More details which mind you are just a guess: she had one or many experiences that WEREN’T ‘better and better’, and quite likely weren’t even one(s) she wanted. She also started looking at her past thru a new lens: one where she maybe started to value herself a little more highly, and all that D – not so much. At some point she decided she’d rather hold out for someone who might value her as more than a fuckable commodity – the ‘specimen’ you mention currently holds that position, I’d wager, at least in her mind.

      Now, whether that constitutes WGTOW I couldn’t say – round these parts we usually just call it, Sisters Doin’ It For Themselves.

      • Traitor

        “Short answer: bitch got woke.”

        Like, red-pill woke? :)

        I’m trying to understand whether there is a significant difference between a Sister Doin’ It For Herself, and the outlook of the Frustrated Gentlemen In Fedoras. In a practical sense, she may attribute her attitude to past experiences, while the MGTOW community gets theirs from inexperience, as that is their self-inflicted lot. But beyond that, the central conflict driving the whole miserable train seems very similar.

        • TA

          It wasn’t how I understood “woke”. I figured she meant that the lady eventually ran into a dude who maybe felt more entitled to her body than he should’ve. It can sour a chick on men.

          And it is this entitlement that defines Frustrated Fedora dudes, right? So maybe they are connected somehow.

          • Traitor

            Entitled behavior certainly defines the fedora dudes, but as many commenters have accurately pointed out, this likely masks a basic insecurity about being viewed as “one of many”. They feel entitled to a woman for whom they can be the sole, and therefore the ultimate expression of masculinity. So any allusion to a woman’s prior sexual experience is viewed as a threat.

            The woman in my question, despite (or because of?) her own wealth of sexual experience, sees any expression/acknowledgment of male sexuality as transgressive (“pervy” in her words). She is ostensibly looking for a man who will desire her, while at the same time any man with sexual feelings towards her is disqualified precisely for revealing such (pervy) feelings.

            So while you might be right and her past experiences may have included an entitled fedora dude, what she’s done is adopted their approach to dealing with the opposite sex. She appears to project her own suppressed desire onto men, and then condemns them for their part in it.

        • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

          Haven’t messed with red pills since I was in highschool, so I can’t answer that question.

          As to the second part, I can see where there might be a superficial resemblance. But to my mind, the major difference is that the woman I’m hypothesizing about would have dropped out of the game because she wants to be acknowledged as, and treated like, an actual fully autonomous, thinking, feeling human being; by a partner who is also all of those things; and has so far failed to find a mate capable of living up to that blend of Paul Bunyan, St Pat, and Noah Webster she’s concocted for herself, out of her Irish imagination, her Iowa stubbornness and a library full of books *cough – it’s an old problem*.

          Whereas the douchebros who have spoiled a very fine hat are dropping out for the opposite reason: they want a fully functional Barbie sexxxbot, capable of cooking, cleaning, and raising der kinder if any, without having to pay to import one from Japan. Their complaint is not, if I understand correctly, one of devaluement; but rather a disgruntlement that the object of their desires is valued (by the ‘objects’ own selves, if none else) TOO highly. Like, at all.

          Does that help clarify matters any?

          • Traitor

            No, it does not. But thanks for trying.

            While I agree that she now wants exactly what you say, the flesh-and-blood woman I’m talking about spent the first half of her life absolutely refusing to acknowledge, and treat men as “actual fully autonomous, thinking, feeling human beings”. So what was once good for the goose, is now not at all acceptable from any of the available ganders. This seems like a rather good example of sexual entitlement.

            Also, most of these fucksticks actually wear trilby’s, and only incorrectly refer to them as fedoras. None of them can pull off a fedora.

          • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

            Well again, I’m speaking of a hypothetical woman, as i don’t know the one you’re referring to. And it’s not impossible that she’s just a User and Abuser, who treated men like dirt strictly for the lulz, and only now is repenting the error of her ways. Then again, she might have a very different view of her younger self’s experiences – no way to know without asking her into the discourse, and maybe not even then.

    • Jennifer Nicole

      If there was one, I’m pretty sure there are a fair amount of women who’d join, but it’d be more because we actually want to be away from men, not because we’re pissed that men aren’t putting out for us on demand. I’ve pretty much chosen at this point to be #foreveralone than deal with men who apparently need alcohol to find me attractive and see me as their free therapist and free sex worker without quid pro quo. I know of many feminist women who have found feminist ally men who aren’t like that, but I have yet to meet one interested in me. So I’m going to just plan my life as if none will ever come along instead of being forever on standby hoping the next guy is better than the last and trying to ignore the first yellow flags just in case this is the best I can do.

    • Atheist

      Um, sorry, I can’t buy any of this. It reeks of “but women can be just as bad as men” lines which are used to silence any criticism of male behavior.

      1. People are not “subjects” like laboratory specimens.

      2. Shaming women for being single is misogynist. Women do not exist solely to land a man.

      3. Shaming women for being in their 40s is a misogynist and ageist.

      4. Shaming “the subject” for being single AND in her 40s is doubly misogynist and ageist, whereas a man in the same position would be seen as merely a bachelor.

      5. Consenting to sex at one time does not mean consenting to sex forever.

      6. There’s this thing called personal growth where people’s experiences result in changing their minds about stuff.

      7. Having lots of experience in a part of life can result in forming opinions about it, and sometimes women will form opinions you won’t like. Shocker!

      8. Women are routinely pressured to be pornified, to look like barely legal adolescents, and perform sex acts they are not comfortable with. Women have every right to criticize this.

      9. Shaming a woman for being a tomboy, interested in rifles, and not performing femininity is misogynist.

      10. Shaming a woman for not sleeping with men she dates is misogynist and reeks of male entitlement to sex.

      11. Shaming a woman for being in love with one man and not humping the rest of the football team is misogynist.

      12. Claiming a woman “blames men for everything” and “has cats” eerily resembles racists who talk about blacks who “hate whitey and eat watermelon.” It’s stereotypical bullshit.

      Lastly there is no need for concern trolling. There will never be a female version of MGTOW because women do not have the privilege or social status to exercise the same entitlements men do every day.

      • Traitor

        Why don’t you find a safe space where others can’t upset you?

        • Atheist

          …and with that, the troll outed himself for the alt-right misogynist that he is.

          • Traitor

            I am genuinely trying to figure out why someone who sees me all of twice a year immediately shoves her hand in my lap (unreciprocated), while every other man is a “perv”. This after spending half her life chasing dick.

            But you know what? Thanks to the tone of your answer, I might have just figured this out! I’ll just slap my cock in her mouth and stop worrying about what she’s dealing with internally, and let the goddamn chips fall where they may. Simple, and fun.

            Thanks so much! ;)

          • Atheist

            Just keep typing and I’ll keep reporting. I’m even going to screen shot your trolling since you deleted that “go fuck yourself” comment.

            https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/7d783a5ef4d0e155428fc3762b510a388f39940446d58984d34105e3db188536.jpg

          • Atheist
          • Traitor

            Eat a dick.

          • Atheist

            “Traitor” says he’s so concerned with why his lady friend thinks men are pervy – then goes online and says he’s going to orally rape her and tells total strangers to “eat a dick.”

            Gee I wonder what’s wrong with this picture!

            https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ee0c6573dced11d6135ec3634597eeb4d97c2f38f311e00017f930a4b7994786.jpg

          • Traitor

            You don’t know the half of it, dipshit. Not only am I a rapist, but I also murder and eat children.

            I’m also stitching a “woman suit” from the hides of plus-sized women I’ve killed through fat-shaming.

          • Atheist
          • Atheist

            And it is no surprise that Traitor’s most frequented communities are Brietbart and Infowars – havens for alt-right psychos everywhere.

            https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2d6f75b2bf21682dd510bfe2ac14952ecbfd0b96165971e40ef58619d08a9c9e.jpg

          • Traitor

            Did you happen to read what I say to the psychos when I visit their asylum? No? :)

            You are clearly quite a calculated psycho yourself. I wonder what you get out of what you’ve been doing here today.

          • Traitor

            Also, Breitbart banned me. This hurts deeply, as I was just trying to ensure that whatever happens, Steve Bannon’s liver is preserved for science.

          • Traitor

            Oh yeah, and I didn’t delete that “Go fuck yourself” comment! It keeps disappearing no matter what I do!

            xoxo

            ;)

          • doktorzoom

            Well, that’s pretty dickish, and I can see why it was flagged multiple times. How about you review the rules, and while you’re at it, take a couple days off from commenting, courtesy of Yr Friendly Neighborhood Comments Moderator? Your commenting privileges will be restored automatically after 48 hours.

            — Dok Zoom, Yr Friendly Neighborhood Comments Moderator

          • Traitor

            How about you go fuck yourself too?

          • doktorzoom

            How about you enjoy taking some permanent time off from trolling Wonkette? Bye!

            — Dok Zoom, Yr Friendly Neighborhood Comments Moderator

    • Bill Diaz

      A real life dildo fucked beach punk troll! Dude, do you know how long it has been since I have been able to find one of you in the wild here? Its worse than camping for the Ring of the Ancients for the clicky SoW boots!

      You seem a bit played out, which is sad, but youre all that I got. So what is wrong with you anyhow? Its hilarious what whiny pathetic ‘men’ you guys are. You are worse than children, it is no wonder that no women that you meet want to play ‘fuck mommy’ for you. Learn to do your own laundry and fix your own Hot Pockets and maybe you wont seem like such a charity case, lol.

      I love guys like you and appreciate your very existence! You are such horrible examples of male creatures, that any decent male of reasonable intelligence, empathy and appearance look almost Olympian by comparison. I would imagine that it is the same kind of affection that Alabama has for Mississippi, it is the only thing that keeps them from being dead last!

      Have a great day!

      • Traitor

        Fuck you.

      • Traitor

        “Learn to do your own laundry and fix your own Hot Pockets and maybe you wont seem like such a charity case, lol.”

        This is projection, and it is transparent. You are talking about your personal issues and insecurities here. These have nothing to do with me.

        “it is no wonder that no women that you meet want to play ‘fuck mommy’ for you.”

        And there you have it. This relates to exactly nothing in my post. But you probably didn’t even notice that detail.

        “…that any decent male of reasonable intelligence, empathy and appearance look almost Olympian by comparison. ”

        Train hard, maybe your wife will let you out of the friend zone.

      • Traitor

        Just one more thing regarding the idea of trolling, Bill. Do you support Wonkette financially? Because if not, then dropping in here to squirt out three paragraphs of dismissive bullshit on me is just that – trolling.

        The next time you wish to boost your self esteem with another exercise in pretentiously worded sarcasm, consider talk therapy instead. Because I am not the bully that beat you up in school, or the asshole who fucked your crush, or any of the men you wish you could say these things to in real life. You’ll have to find the courage to confront those men, and to say these things to them for real.

  • AndyC316

    You know, I just don’t get it…

  • mardam422

    I spent 8 years in college to get a PhD in biochemistry. Apparently, I should have become a locksmith.

  • Aileen

    Am I the only one who thinks the girlfriend suspected him of being a deeply insecure manchild and threw out the high number of 200 to test her hypothesis? Well played, drunken lap-napper!

  • Hardly Ideal

    MGTOW dudes, I had to go look up what the fuck “incel” means, so we’re already off to a very bad start in this relationship.

    Seriously, I can’t keep up with your jargon, even though I 1) do CAD work for a living, and 2) used to play World of Warcraft and Armored Core. “You say this game has stats for both crispiness and freshness? Awesome!”

  • Emaily

    Whenever I read anything written by MGTOW, all I can think of is that these are men who are putting on a show to compensate for the fact that they are so, so utterly lonely, and who for whatever reason cannot create a meaningful social connection with anyone of either gender. I work with someone like this. She’s way too toxic and mean for women to befriend and way too desperate/terrifying/resentful for men to date.

    P.S. I’m not trying to justify their venom. I think it’s scary and sexist. I just wonder where it’s rooted.

    • Shane

      yup me too.

  • Prolecat

    Men always want women to screw them, yet get offended over the idea that women have screwed other dudes. They don’t understand how things work.

  • whitroth

    Jeez, where do I *start*?! He only wants a non-slut “Good Woman”? Why? I mean, if he says he was tired of “fucking sluts”, it means that a) he’s a slut, and b) he’d be cheating on any woman who he shacked up with anyway, right?

    “No user serviceable parts? Ok, I know what all these dicks are looking for, someone to spend the multi-k$ to buy them a sexbot, which is always fresh (assuming he cleans it after use) and has user-serviceable parts.

    Now, if they were cheaper, maybe they’d all go away, and not even accidentally reproduce (they had sex for two years, no condom, doesn’t mention if *she* was taking precautions…), and not trouble the rest of us.

    • vaiyt

      They don’t want sexbots. They want to say they’ll buy a sexbot in hopes of making real women green with envy. Honestly this whole MGTOW thing seems to be an erotic roleplay group for people with a very specific fetish.

  • Shane

    MGTOW= skinheads in high school who are still skinheads at 55+.

    • Shane

      couldn’t get laid then, can’t get laid now.

      • JesusWasAHippie

        No no no, he gets laid by an “honest prostitute”, whom he prefers anyway. Not that he NEEDS to go to a pro to get his nuts cracked, no. He could get all the snatch he needs, easy. It’s just that he prefers paying for it. That’s all. Yeah.

  • ACertainFish

    I think I first saw that math sometime in the 70s in Playboy and although it was real math, it was meant as a joke.

    • Jay Hansen

      You assume this is not a joke?

      • ACertainFish

        No, I’m aware that it’s a joke. It’s just not a new one.

  • James Baskin

    In case no one told you fellers, you didn’t come from the garden of eden. You came from a vagina. So show some phuccking respect, for cryin out loud.

  • Panika MCD

    does that mean they think all women are socialists?

  • Atheist

    I had a shift manager named Chad who was also a total sexist “bro” in all the ways a man could be one. In his case, it seems fitting that men who are just as sexist as he is use his name to insult other men.

    Still, I wonder how men named “Chad” feel about being caricatured by MGTOW. I never understood how men’s rights groups are given any legitimacy because they do not actually care about other men. They don’t even care if little boys are raised in households where their mother is abused.

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