SHARE

OH HEY WONKERS! How is your Saturday morning? Ours is fine, allegedly. And no, we do not mean in the headline that Wonkette toddler human woman might be hungover right now. We mean OURSELVES. We might not be, but, you know, Trump’s America and it’s the weekend, so it’s entirely possible. Anyway, wanna do this countdown doohickey?

Then we shall! We will count ALL THE TOP TEN STORIES down in just a sec, but first, we must shake you down for donation moneys. See, we have no ads. NONE. Remember back when we had ads and they ate your browser and made your grandma cry a lot? God that sucked! But we got rid of them, and that means YOU, LITERALLY ALL OF YOU BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE, pay our rent and our paychecks and our other things and stuff. And we’re trying our best to keep up with the fucking Trump regime, and in that spirit we’re taking on more writers, which costs $$$$, and we want to take on EVEN MORE! So please please please do monthly donations, so we can grow and grow! Will you do that? They can be small monthly donations, medium monthly donations, or YOOGE monthly donations. It takes all kinds! We even take thousand dollar and million dollar donations, OR MONTHLY MILLION THOUSAND DOLLAR SUBSCRIPTIONS, like if you are a secret famous celebrity fan of Wonkette! Seriously, if you are able — DO NOT MONEY US IF YOU CAN’T AFFORD IT — then pull out your wallet and sign up to throw money on our face every month! You can also pull out an envelope and stamp and send money to Wonkette, PO Box 8765, Missoula MT 59807. Whatever, just please support us any way you can.

For instance, you could also purchase our sexxxy blue baseball caps. One of them says “Hell. No.” and the other says “Literally Anyone Else 2020.” See?

Look, it’s the traditional Wonkette Baby Donation Pressure Lion Of Cuteness, who is Wonkette’s Top Salesperson of the Month when it comes to shaking you down for donations/buying stuff:

YOU CANNOT EVEN RIGHT NOW.
YOU CANNOT EVEN RIGHT NOW

We shall now count down the top 10 stories of the week, chosen as usual by Beyoncé:

1. Jill Stein stepped on her own dick for TWO WHOLE MINUTES this past weekend, and it was a wonder to behold!

2. We STILL cannot stop LOLing about Anthony Scaramucci getting fired.

3. Here are the four big lies about Trump’s stupid Foxconn factory announcement.

4. The stupdiest White House correspondent on the entire internet really wants those Native Americans to go back to Mexico.

5. Somebody pissed in Trump adviser Stephen Miller’s kibbles this, from the looks of this press conference.

6. Oh go fuck yourself, Ben Sasse.

7. Sara Benincasa wrote a gross love letter to Anthony Scaramucci, which was gross. And hilarious.

8. Dame Peggy Noonan declared Donald Trump a pussy most foul!

9. Anthony Scaramucci really wishes you would be classy and refrain from talking about his wife dumping his ass.

10. And finally, is Trump going to end up firing John Kelly for being too super-gay for James Comey? WHOA IF HE DID.

So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!

Oh, hey, sign up for our newsletter RIGHT NOW DO IT DO IT DO IT:

You are very good! A couple more pictures:

OK bye.

Yours in Christ,

Wonkette

Wonkette is fully funded by readers like YOU. If you love us, click below to fund us!

$
Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • Left Coast Tom
  • Fun with Cthulhu

    As the NorthernAmero dollar strengthens vs. The USamero, so too does my little contribution increase in value. Go little Canucklebuckle go!

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Shkreli cries in his beer. No one cares.

    • Covfefe

      In prison they have no beer

      • Mr. Blobfish

        He’ll be fermenting his Sunny D under the radiator.

        • Ghenghis McCann

          He believed his cellmate when he told him it was Sunny D?

        • george lastrapes

          And calling it Chateau Pruneau!

      • Villago Delenda Est

        That’s why we drink it here.

      • Serai 1

        No beer is needed here!

        • alpacapunchbowl

          Vin de toilette, récolte 2017

    • Ghenghis McCann

      “Mr Shkreli, the price of your beer has just been increased. That’ll be $999.99.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        “Drink it fast before the price of the beer you already bought goes up and Bruno here collects.”

    • AJ Milne

      I do kinda feel the beer deserves better.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      On the contrary, my Schadenfreude meter is pegged!

    • Serai 1

      I’ll happily piss in it if it’ll get him to stop whining.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        He can piss and moan and whine all he wants as long as I don’t have to hear or read it.

  • Ricky Gay

    What weak, loser character would Jimmy play in this sad reboot? (besides himself)

    https://twitter.com/RealJamesWoods/status/893337023918092288

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Poor little trumpanzee.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Of all the bugfuck crazy wingnut assholes I might feel some pause about encountering in a dark alley, James Woods is not one of them.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      The guy watching from his mansion filing SLAPP suits on dead guys?

    • Phoenixdoglover

      WTF is he talking about? There is no “reversing” the election.

      • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

        “no reversing”?! Some of us are trying to eat drink breakfast.

      • Me not sure

        There is no redo in my Constitution.

      • Alan

        There is if you’re a nutcase. The entire mess is made up by “democrats” to undermine Trump. Somehow they’re in charge even though they have a minority in both houses. Deep state, shadow government, lizard people, Rothschilds, blah, blah, blah.

        • AJ Milne

          Dammit. He’s onto me. Dunno how he worked it out.

          It’s all true. Sinister, dark forces _made_ Trump take the laundered rubles, collude with the oligarchs, and generally be a fucking moron. _I_ did it. With my mind control rays…

          Welp, nothing for it but to ERASE JAMES WOODS’ BRAIN!!!!

          (Diabolical cackle…)

          (Embarrassingly long pause…)

          So… Erm… We may be having a slight targeting problem…

          (Can I get a volunteer spotter? Here, take this laser pointer and this magnifying glass…)

    • DerrickWildcat

      Screams, “CIVIL WAR” when Burger King gives him medium fries instead of large fries.

      • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

        In fairness, Americans do not tolerate maltreatment by royalty of any kind.

      • Me not sure

        If he can’t get the ketchup packet open there’ll be hell to pay.

        • Ricky Gay

          LOL

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        First we take Starbucks, then we take Burger King.

        • Me not sure

          You’ll never take Starbucks. They will simply out build your attempts every time.https://youtu.be/ENGUYeiGtNk

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Somebody was telling me the other day about a new business that opened up by saying “it’s in that old Walgreens on…”. And I’m like, yes, sooner or later, every business will be in an old Walgreens.

          • Serai 1

            Which are all located in old Woolworth’s.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Mueller is a Democrat now?

      • Ricky Gay

        ‘Southern Strategy’

    • Nounverb911

      Jimmy, Sean Young on line 3.

      • Ricky Gay

        Bwa ha ha!

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Reptards like Woods have a cavalier attitude toward civil war. They seem to think that they will easily prevail against the urbans and womyn and non-heterosexuals. The southrons in the last civil war thought the north was just a bunch of girly shopkeepers without the guts to actually fight. Didn’t work out quite the way they imagined.

    • Reximus
      • Ricky Gay

        Stephen Miller!

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Portrait Of Nosferatu As A Young Man.

      • Michael R

        The third Darren on ” Bewitched “

        • guppy06

          York, Sargent and then Head?

    • Lyly Sirivong

      Each time I see a James Woods tweet, I think “I can’t believe this guy is a Renaissance art Dr.” and 2 seconds later “Oh no that’s Peter Weller”. I don’t know why I always confuse the two.

      • Zyxomma

        They’re both skinny, but Dr. Peter Weller has a much better speaking voice.

      • Ricky Gay

        One runs around in shiny suits and a bullet-proof head, fighting for ‘justice’ – the other is RoboCop.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        One is hot (Weller) and one is not (Woods)?

        • Serai 1

          EW. You find Weller hot? He’s an egomaniacal asshole.

          • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

            Physically, yeah. I don’t know of him iRL.

          • Serai 1

            He’s been seen pulling the “do you know who I am” tantrum in restaurants. Plus, he’s got a name for being difficult to work with.

          • alpacapunchbowl

            That’s a shame, I really like his work. He was great in Naked Lunch.

          • Serai 1

            I like his work, too. I’m not really into the whole “he’s an asshole therefore I will never look at anything he does again” mindset. If I were, I’d watch nothing but Mr. Rogers reruns, and certainly would have a hard time finding music I could listen to.

          • alpacapunchbowl

            Agreed. I generally don’t assume artists/musicians/writers I like are “cool”, and on the handful of occasions that I have met someone whose work I enjoy and admire, if it turns out that they are in fact cool, genuine people then I’m pleasantly surprised.

    • Reximus
    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      “Their usual dirty tricks?”
      Holy shit, it certainly is serendipitous that he’s a movie actor, because he projects like a fuckin’ 16 screen multiplex.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        IMAX, 3D.

    • Augustus

      it’s hard to imagine how a person could be so wrong

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        Actually, it isn’t. Just remember that he’s a Republican.

        • Augustus

          I’ll rephrase: it’s hard for me to imagine constructing a statement so wrong

      • Ricky Gay

        Painful

      • Serai 1

        No, not really. Not if you’ve been paying attention to the bullshit he’s been spouting since… well, forever.

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      …and I personally intend to enlist, in hopes of being sent to the front lines.

      • Ricky Gay

        I claim ‘Shotgun!’

    • cheetojeebus

      Proof you can be really smart and yet be dumb as fuck. That is, if you believe the bullshit IQ he brags about. If not he’s just simply dumb as fuck.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        I have truly come to believe in specialized intelligence. Ben Carson got a full scholarship to Yale.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        Anyone who brags about their IQ is an insecure, pathetic twunt. Shit, if IQ is anything to go by, I’m a fucking genius. Some people are just good at taking tests.

    • CripesAmighty
    • Bananas Foster

      It would be great if someone could slip some lithium into his nightcaps.

    • BosGrl

      Can one of the big states without a lot of people give up a bit of land so we can rehome these folks? They can build a giant wall around themselves and play with their weapons and not one person who isn’t white will bother them.

      • Bobo the Dork Boy

        Or a lot of us who ARE white.

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        Well even throw in their Dear Leader. We’re taking the nukes away, though

      • Ricky Gay

        Preferably populated with hungry bears and wolves.

    • guppy06

      What are the “usual dirty tricks” and how are they differentiated from the unusual?

    • Serai 1

      Yeah, blame the Democrats for trying to save the country from a fucking lunatic. You just keep proving your assholism every day, don’t you, Jimmy?

    • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

      what a maroon

    • Yeah good luck with that. Moran.

  • Carpe Vagenda
    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Sheesh…he really is, like, 3 feet tall.

      • Ghenghis McCann

        Hobbit Libelz!!

        • Left Coast Tom

          Sessions seems more like Gollum.

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        I didn’t know you could stack shit that low.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    If you look only at her fingers, wonk-babby resembles Donald Trump (if he had bigger hands) … except she knows more about foreign policy, domestic policy, history, science, math, manners, etc.

    • Ghenghis McCann

      She also seems to prefer bridges, not walls.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        It’s the Young Socialists Fun And Indoctrination Camp, so yeah.

    • Me not sure

      … and apparently how to toast others. (Clink!)

  • Carpe Vagenda
    • Elvis Causticfellow

      Gorka’s head is like the same size as Sessions’ entire body.

      • Ghenghis McCann

        Most lifelike ventriloquists’ dummy ever.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “We sent back those Penn&Teller impersonators and asked for a refund. They were only good at magical thinking

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
  • Belasaurius

    Hey Ben Stasse, since you want your kids to build character, send them to my house to mow my lawn for free

  • Elvis Causticfellow

    Donna Rose, your grandma will tell you that there will come a time when you don’t look cute on a barstool.

  • Parakeetist

    ‘Ello.

    • Doug Langley

      Hi.

  • memzilla Ω
    • Elvis Causticfellow

      I can never quite see these as victories until he gets down to, say 20%.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        I’d accept 25%. And you know that they wouldn’t all be voters.

        • Phoenixdoglover

          The day before he resigned, Nixon was at 24%. And a few other things were happening.

          • Elvis Causticfellow

            Apparently Harry Truman got down to 22%, and I’m not sure why–pretty sure it wasn’t about Hiroshima/Nagasaki.

          • Latverian Diplomat

            Eisenhower’s slogan was K1C2: Korea, Corruption, Communism; So those were the things he was being blamed for.

          • Phoenixdoglover

            He had a high of 70% at the start of his 2nd term, and was at 22% by the end. There was no recession and unemployment was not high. But we were over 2 years into the Korean War and it was effectively a stalemate. Maybe people were sick of it and wanted someone else to wind it down.

          • Latverian Diplomat

            “Yeah but Nixon was framed.”
            — A Nixon diehard

    • Michael R

      His numbers should go up if we don’t hear from him for three weeks

      • Latverian Diplomat

        Alas, I suspect his golf courses have wifi.

  • Michael R
    • Ghenghis McCann

      Too small. Throw him back.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        “I have Normal-sized Fins! Normal-sized!”
        — Donald Trumpfish

    • georgiaburning

      Paid good money for that lure and this is what I catch? Rip off

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      Damn, that’s an ugly one!

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      The waters around there must be incredibly polluted.

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      This is good news for Mr. Blobfish.

    • TheGrandWazoo2

      Aw look, a little Crappie.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        If he catches Bannon, that’s a pickled herring.

    • Bill D. Burger

      “Finding Dumb-o”

      • Ghenghis McCann

        Can’t wait for the sequel; “Losing Dum-o”.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Clownfish?

    • La forza del resistino

      Largemouth Ass?

    • Hemp Dogbane

      I didn’t know they had eelpout over there !

  • La forza del resistino

    Tomorrow, 8/6, will mark Nat’l Happy Friendship Day. When will Nat’l Unhappy Friendship Day be celebrated so I’ll know when to bake a cake for all my neurotic pals.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      I’m detecting a pattern here…

    • WomanInThePersistence

      “He does not believe he sent any such communication” ? What can that possibly mean?

      • data_ninja

        Drunk while doing it or thought he could get away with it.

      • Ghenghis McCann

        Not guilty due to insanity?

      • Jamoche

        Nobody who sends dick pics ever thinks they’re unwanted.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Dumb FOX pundit dick sending dick pics. ___ Kinda’ flows…

      His most famous proclamation:

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/74434719cbf659949a2c2ddda84f005ecb6465ad1299653ee6e4228f73545a8a.jpg

    • Villago Delenda Est

      That’s a dick pic, right there!

    • TheGrandWazoo2

      Somebody call Kellyanne quick…we’ve got another Bolling Peen Massacre.

      • Elvis Causticfellow

        Don’t make me hate you.

    • TundraGrifter

      I didn’t know camera phones had a zoom feature.

    • Serai 1

      At this point, I think it’s safest to just assume all the Fox News assholes do shit like this. Saves time.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      There’s a surprise.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Judging by that picture with the kids and the little wooden structure, Lincoln Logs have gotten a lot bigger and shinier. Take that, Legos!

  • chascates

    Today is National Oyster Day so be sure to do some shuckin’.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      NO CANNED CLAMS!

    • Bill D. Burger

      So today____the world is ours!

    • Bill D. Burger

      “It was a brave man who ate the first oyster.”
      ___ Jonathan Swift

      • Persistent Demme

        …and a brave man(?) who ate the first artichoke!

        Took 2 artichokes to my 2 Chinese ESL students.
        One was cooked, so they could taste it, (they said it reminded them of a yam!), and one was raw, so I could cut it up and show them.
        Figured they should understand this mysterious vegetable.
        (God knows, I get confused in a Chinese grocery store!)

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Are we just not dong the “Not in months without an R” thing anymore?

      • Ghenghis McCann

        Is that like “I only drink on days with a Y in them”?

      • Master Contrail Program

        I heard that was a relic from the pre-refrigeration days. However, my own personal experience says oysters aren’t nearly as good during the warmest months.

        • grindstone

          I heard that the warm months are spawning months, and the taste gets a little bitter. Either way, I stick to the R months.

        • Well, technically they are the equivalent to eating dirty aquarium filter floss. And the bacteria count in seawater tends to be higher during the summer months, so there’s that.

          ON the other hand that dash of hot sauce, lemon juice, and sea salt takes care of all the bad stuff they suck out of the water – I hope.

          • Master Contrail Program

            Yeah, during the summer months we’d just put them in the smokers or bake them Rockefeller style for the most part. In the Florida panhandle in my youth you could usually find them for $2/dozen shucked or buy a box unshucked for $20. Suffice to say I ate a lot of oysters at all times of the year with no difficulties. Well, besides an especially smelly garbage bin sometimes.

          • Master Contrail Program

            It was nore about the texture and consistency during the warmer months, though the the issues may be related for all I know.

        • Elvis Causticfellow

          Just had some Malpeques the other day and dey wuz YUMMEH.

        • Doug Langley

          Well, maybe you should can them. Oh, wait – that only works with clams.

        • Erala Contratista

          Think that is because the critters are having a sexxxxy time and have (perhaps) depleted their vital juiciness.

          Saw in some sciency article.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    Hey Wonkfamily – I know we keep things kinda light & breezy here for the most part – and we certainly never (or almost never) share such things as real names, addresses and so forth (and we are wise not to do so). So the nature of our connection is… a kind of ephemeral association that is only possible through this here newfangled social media tech we have all, to one extent or another, allowed to change our lives.

    So I do not mean to overstate our obligations to one another, or suggest that anyone is required to feel a certain way about anyone or anything. But it looked yesterday like we may have lost one of our own – ‘Snarkbot 9000’ though he said he’d had various other Wonkhandles in the past – by his own hand.

    I don’t know if anyone has heard anything further, or of course if he indeed went through with it. I just felt compelled to say something. I’ve come to “know” many of you as kind, compassionate people, and I hope that if anyone feels that kind of desperation, I for one am willing to listen at the very least, and possibly contribute a small amount if someone’s circumstances are dire.

    That’s all. Thanks for listening.

    • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

      Although I am not familiar with Snarkbot 9000, my heart goes out to his family and friends. I too am willing to talk to anyone and help, as I have been in that dark place myself.

      • Incoming Ham

        I will talk to anyone who needs help, anytime, anywhere. I have come out the other side of this. When you have a mental health issue every damn day is a struggle. When life circumstance are bad it’s a bigger one. I get the feeling and will listen.

        • BosGrl

          *Hugs, Ham*. It is not easy. So many of us here are struggling. It helps to have people who listen without judgment.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Oh my goodness, has anybody heard from them? That’s just awful.

    • theCryptofishist

      Oh. Fuck. Mr. Thrustwell is right, we are social support. Some of us are even social support in your town (allegedly) or at least within an hour’s journey. We care. Many of us have wrestled with the black dog.
      … tolls for thee.

      • grindstone

        I’m a self absorbed busy person, who is also self absorbed. But damn, just let me know if there’s something I can *do*. You guys are my go-to, and I consider us a community.

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      Aw crap. I don’t think I know Snarkbot 9000, at least not by that handle, but I hope he or she is OK. I’ll keep an eye out for that username.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Thank you, Lance.

    • CripesAmighty

      Tried to check in. Profile set to private, so, no info.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      What makes you think he is gone? Did you see a post that worried you? Did you know him personally?

      • Lance Thrustwell

        The post/non-comment was in yesterday’s Wonkagenda. I don’t know if he is gone, but his message was… unambiguous. I have yet to meet any of you delightful folks face to face – I hope to remedy that one day at a drinky thing.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          Oh, boy. I hope he decided to get help, and didn’t go through with it. I feel like Trump’s presidency is pushing people over the edge.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          I missed it. That’s just heartbreaking.

        • BosGrl

          Oh dear God, I just read the post. Shit shit shit. It looks like Dok tried to reach him. I hope he didn’t do it.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          I found the comment, and it was heartbreaking, and so beautifully written. It made me burst into tears. I really hope he didn’t go through with it.

    • Bill D. Burger

      I remember Thoreau said, emotionally, he often walked in dark woods but luckily managed to come out a better man. I do hope this fellow makes it through any such dark journey.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I think we lost Sardonicuss too, but to homelessness, not to suicide. I’m always hoping to see him come back. I tried to figure out a way to help him, but he went silent.

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        Perhaps Sardonicuss and Snarkbot were the same person? Snarkbot referred to multiple Disqus accounts/handles. I’m hoping for the best, in any case, but…

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          I wondered about that, too. I didn’t know much about Sardonicuss, just that he’d gone home to help his ill mother, and he was somewhere where it wasn’t easy to find a job.

    • BosGrl

      Damn. :(

    • 52camellias

      Hoping for the best but expecting the worst, as I too have heard the siren call of the ride in that long black Cadillac that will solve all your problems but give everyone that loved you a dreadful set of new ones. Thanks to the Wonketariat for being here.

    • Tiffany de Houston

      Well said, Lance. That post by Snarkon was very upsetting. I so hope he changed his mind.

    • That’s a tragedy. I’ll hope this is not true.

      ON THAT NOTE: The Wonketteers are always very supportive to each other – and we keep our nails and fangs sharpened for outsiders attempting to ridicule members.

      Cry on our shoulders – we’ve got your back.

    • SadDemInTex

      I am sure that everyone of us has been touched by suicide in our families or in our close friends. There is such a feeling of helplessness in the face of their despair. I hope he found a moment of light at the right moment.

      This is what David Foster Wallace (author of Infinite Jest) wrote about suicide (he died by his own hand)
      “The so-called ‘psychotically depressed’ person who tries to kill herself doesn’t do so out of quote “hopelessness” or any abstract conviction that life’s assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in who its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e the fear of falling remains a constant. The variable here is the other terror, the fire’s flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors. It’s not desiring the fall; it’s terror of the flames. And yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling ‘Don’t’ and ‘Hang on!’, can understand the jump. Not really. You’d have to have personally been trapped and felt the flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling.”

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I had a friend who jumped off of a bridge. I never could imagine how he screwed up the courage to leap, but that helps explain it, so thank you.

        • SadDemInTex

          It is from his book “Infinite Jest”. It is the only explanation that has resonated with me.

      • Yr. Gma

        Yes. It’s being chased by something so terrible that running off the cliff is the best solution. I recognize that fear.

    • Yr. Gma

      You’re a good friend, Lance. And our Dok is a good man.

  • theCryptofishist

    That picture of Donna Rose, in the sundress, with the drink, is so damn sophisticated. Or she’s sophisticated, that’s what I meant.

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      I have purple sunglasses that are similar to hers, but I’ll never look as adorable in them as she does in hers. Happy late summer days, Donna Rose!

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      She’s turned in to quite the glamour puss.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      She needs a red Solo cup to complete the picture …

      • theCryptofishist

        No, no cheesy campus keggers for Donna Rose!

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      There’s an article in NY Magazine that says the case for “Trump Democrats” was overstated. I think Trump “won” because he got some toothless rubes who normally don’t vote, to get out and vote. Obama probably also got people out to vote who normally don’t. I hope people get off their asses in 2018 and 2020 after they’ve seen the wreckage of Republican rule.

      • Persistent Demme

        Toothless rubes and greedhead elites (lookin’ at you, Uncle Butthead and your brood!).

      • Serai 1

        Much more likely that he won because a fuckload of supposed Democrats couldn’t stand the idea of being ruled by a woman, and thus proved just how “liberal” they really are.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          I think a lot of people are motivated to vote for someone who is “different” and “not a politician.” I’m hoping the Trump presidency will disavow them of the notion that hiring someone unqualified is a good idea.

          • Serai 1

            And they preferred the ignorant idiot to the WOMAN. Anyone, so long as he has a dick, is better than the WOMAN.

          • Mildred Broxon

            Allegedly has a dick.

          • Serai 1

            Excellent point.

          • Catstro

            This is about to play out in my city’s mayoral race. I’m extremely interested in the charismatic candidate with great ideas and tons of experience as an entrepreneur. He’s young, vibrant, impossibly cool, he’s connected outside of government (his mom is Nneena Freelon and his dad designed the national African American museum), but he has no government experience. Honestly, last year I would have given him a chance, but not after Trump. No way. I’m voting for the boring old white guy that has been on city council forever and has fought for progressive causes, though perhaps not as much as I would have liked. My husband made a very good point, and that’s that he could learn how to work the city government on the job, but working with our GA, who is constantly trying to strip our city of all of our progressive ideals, takes a lot of government experience. I would vote for him for city council in a heartbeat, though.

          • amrak63

            THIS.

            Whom do you want cutting you open, a professional surgeon or an amateur surgeon?

            Whom do you want fixing your brakes, a professional mechanic or an amateur mechanic?

            Et cetera.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            I go to the doctor’s office, and always request that the receptionist give me my pap smear, because she’s “not a doctor.” Makes sense, when you don’t think about it

        • handyhippie65

          i have no problem with a woman president, just not that woman. i would’ve happily voted for warren. i did vote for hilliary, i just wasn’t happy about it.

          • Serai 1

            So you’re not who I’m talking about, then.

          • Lefty Wright

            So you bought into the GOP 25 year Clinton smear campaign. The hold you nose attitude of people who were at least thinking what Trump would do and voted for Clinton justified the people writing in, voting third party, or just skipping the election. Read her policies on her campaign website and tell me which one would require you to hold your nose over. But people used that evil Hillary attitude to think since even people who vote for her hate her guts and say she’s a crook, it’s okay for me to sit this one out. Or vote for Gary Johnson. He wants legal weed.

            Just imagine if Bernie had won the nomination and a lot of Clinton supporters kept hammering at him being a communist Russia lover in favor of huge tax increases who has a history of writing soft porn and a wife under investigation for possible financial fraud, but I guess I will hold my nose and vote for him. Not exactly a ringing endorsement guaranteed to get other people on board, is it?

          • handyhippie65

            i am in favor of huge tax increases on the wealthy, and corporations. and i have not liked hilliary since bill was the president. nothing she has done in all that time has changed my mind in any way.

          • Serai 1

            THANK YOU. Some of us have been paying attention the last twenty-five years, and some have not.

      • amrak63

        Once again, the majority of Trump’s Chumps were NOT toothless rubes from Incest Corners, Alabama. Their median income exceeds the national average (so much for “economic anxiety”, except that they’re worried their property values might drop if Those People move into the neighborhood), and a majority of them live in suburbs and exurbs.

    • Persistent Demme

      I thought you couldn’t get more dead to me than a Trump Reeper, but Trump “Democrats” are even dead-er.

  • TundraGrifter

    From this morning’s Politico Playbook:

    “…McMaster has struggled to become a dominant foreign policy force. … Among his biggest challenges was holding the attention of the president. … Trump had little time for in-depth briefings on Afghanistan’s history, its complicated politics or its seemingly endless civil war.

    “‘Even a single page of bullet points on the country seemed to tax the president’s attention span on the subject,’ said senior White House officials. ‘I call the president the two-minute man,’ said one Trump confidant.”

    The First Lady muttered “Yep.”

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      ‘I call the president the two-minute man,’ said one Trump confidant.”

      The First Lady muttered “I wish!

      • Serai 1

        Sorry, I can’t imagine wishing for that.

        • Alan

          No kidding.

        • handyhippie65

          yea, two minutes seems a bit excessive.

          • Serai 1

            Two SECONDS is excessive.

          • handyhippie65

            and would prolly be a record.

      • TundraGrifter

        Worst thirty seconds of her life.

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      There is this too. NSFW of course.
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ar79cr9t0hs

      • amrak63

        I went to the YT page so I could fave this one and found out it’s actually “Gillette and 20 Fingers” rather than Salt-n-Pepa.

    • Serai 1

      No, Twitler had plenty of time for those meetings. He just didn’t give enough of a fuck to sit down and LISTEN.

    • OutOfOrbit

      “I’m the presidunt & you cant make if i dont wanna!”

    • SeeTrain65

      And Trump calling Melania to the bedroom is “The Two-Minute Warning.”

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨
  • Jamoche

    Dan Rather is not pleased:
    https://www.facebook.com/theDanRather/posts/10159125119210716

    So the news that the Justice Department is devoting significant resources to tracking down leaks and changing the rules to target the press is a chilling development. There are certainly times when an issue of great national security should not be shared with the public. And most of the journalism organizations I have known or been a part of take that responsibility very seriously. There are some cases where prosecuting leakers may – may – be warranted. But that is not what is going on here. The goal is very clear. The President has complained bitterly of leaks because he doesn’t want to be questioned, even when he has been caught in lie after lie.

    • Old town Urbandale

      “If we don’t start jailing reporters now, there might be too many of them on the job and unintimidated when we cancel the 2020 elections!”

    • Jamoche

      WTF, Facebook, just because I loaded the page for that so I could get the URL, does not mean I want notification of every fucking reply! It’s got 3K already and it’s only just getting started!

      • Serai 1

        Right-click is your friend.

        • Jamoche

          First you have to know which thing to right-click. Little pull-down menu? Nothing there. The part that looks like the title? Nope, just a link to Dan’s entire page. Plus, even if you did want notifications for all messages, who’d expect that you’d have to load the page to trigger it?

          • Serai 1

            This is one of the myriad reasons why I do not frequent that Pit of Vipers.

  • TJ Barke

    If you’re hungover, the key is, as always, to get re-hydrated.

    • Master Contrail Program

      With more booze?

      • TJ Barke

        No…

    • Serai 1

      The key is not to get dehydrated in the first place. Plenty of water along with the alcohol.

    • AuntyMaude

      And B vitamins! Don’t forget the B vitamins! Alcohol depletes them you know.

  • Reximus
    • Reximus

      Mr Blobfish, sir, you were my 10000th upfist! Bless your heart

      • Mr. Blobfish

        Here’s another one for you. Skoll!

    • OutOfOrbit

      TEN FORE!!!

    • Serai 1

      Wow, I’m glad I don’t know the guy who came up with that.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Heading out the door for now with this good read:

    https://twitter.com/jonathanchait/status/893834227464126466

    • SayItWithWookies

      We’re seven months in — I must’ve missed the part where his standing was disintegrating slowly, because I remember January 21st.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      This bullshit drives me nuts. Who with the brains to pour piss out of a boot could possibly have thought that Donald Trump was ever even remotely qualified to serve as POTUS? Why did the media take him seriously in the first place? He and his campaign should have been ignored, mocked and treated with derision from the moment he declared his candidacy. Instead we had hours of coverage of Donnie’s empty fucking podiums, billions of dollars worth of free publicity for the worthless son of a bitch, while coverage of actual candidates, actual issues and actual discussion of policy and serious problems facing the United States was reduced to a bare minimum so media companies could boost their ratings and circulation. And the fate of the country be damned.

      • Doug Langley

        My memory of the media’s coverage seems to consist of “emails”, “raises questions”, “casts doubts”, “popularity problems”, and so on.

        • Bub, the cynical zombie

          That too. The questions about Trump’s lack of transparency, corruption, amorality and incompetence should have gotten intense, constant coverage. Instead the press played the “both sides/horserace” game and worked hand in glove with GOP ratfuckers to torpedo Hillary Clinton, while all but granting Donnie a free pass.

      • Serai 1

        That’s capitalism for you. The country can go down in flames, so long as the rich get their bucks.

        • Lefty Wright

          I think this is more like a more publicized version of all the ads on how to become a millionaire. Oooooh! He’s a celebrity and a BILLIONAIRE. If I vote for him, he will show me how to be a billionaire too! Only when you get the book and it tells you to run an ad on a book/video deal full of bullshit on how to be a millionaire for only $89.99 do you realize you were a sucker. Trump did the something, except with votes, a well used Wonkette phrase. His promises were bullshit and in most cases harmful rather than helpful.

          • Serai 1

            Nope, sorry. I don’t buy that “economic anxiety” bullshit. This was about hate and racism and misogyny and all the rest of the bullshit White Male Whining Tantrum. It’s about WAY too many men (both right AND LEFT) being unable to stand even the thought of a woman running the country, let ALONE a woman who intended to continue the policies of THAT UPPITY NEEEEEGRO.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Happy National Underwear Day, everyone! Celebrate accordingly.

    • OutOfOrbit

      will put on clean undies right a way

      • William
        • Old town Urbandale

          I hope there wasn’t any yodeling involved.

          • Résistance Land Shark Ω

            Vegan buttholes only?

          • BosGrl

            I knew I wasn’t the only one!!

        • Alan

          Ummm….

        • handyhippie65

          that’s just crazy! what on earth would compel someone to tickle a butthole? and when will she get to the white house? it is where the biggest butthole i know of lives.

          • Alan

            Do you mean what would compel someone to tickle a stranger’s butthole?

          • handyhippie65

            well yea, what you do to yer own butthole is none of my concern.

        • amrak63

          Surely this is a hoax of some sort.

          C’mon, fess up, Wonkette staff. One of you made this up so we’d have reason to use the phrase “vegan butthole” again.

    • So do we send our underwear cards and flowers, or do we eat them like donuts on ‘National Donut Day’?

      I’m sure my neighbors will simply shoot off fireworks at 1:00 AM LIKE THEY DO FOR EVERY OTHER GODDAM HOLIDAY.

      • Mr. Blobfish

        Just don’t shoot off fireworks in yer panties.

        • OutOfOrbit

          no. i can tell yuh thatz a bad idea

        • SisterArtemis

          there are multiple youtube vids demonstrating the wisdom of that comment.

      • SeeTrain65

        With every dozen, you get one free.

      • AuntyMaude

        What are you eating under there? Under where? hehehe

    • handyhippie65

      underwear? what are they?

      • Doug Langley

        It’s what you wear when you’re undercover. Duh.

        • handyhippie65

          i seem to remember quail man wearing his tighty whities on the outside.

    • The Wanderer

      “Underwear?”. What is this “underwear” of which you speak?

    • SeeTrain65

      “Captain Commando” is very against this.

      • SeeTrain65

        “REBUTTAL”: “Captain Underpants” is in favor.

    • Serai 1

      One of the best things about reaching cronehood is not having to wear those fucking things anymore, thank you very much.

  • William

    Did this story make it in this week? or is sending dick pics over at the fair and balanced station just another day at the office? http://thehill.com/homenews/media/345424-fox-news-host-eric-bolling-sent-lewd-photos-to-female-co-workers-report

    • Alan

      These guys don’t understand that they might actually get laid if they had some manners.

      • AuntyMaude

        Ummm, I don’t know…I think pigs would remain grounded on that one.

      • kareemachan

        EWWW. I just googled him, and he’s married. With a kid already.

  • TJ Barke

    Too fucking bad. Donnie made his bed, now he gets to sleep in shit.
    https://thinkprogress.org/alan-dershowitz-diverse-jury-hurts-trump/

    • Mr. Blobfish

      That’s BS. It’s not a trial jury. Don’t matter who’s on the Grand Jury.

      • TJ Barke

        Well… It might not matter as much as on the trial jury…

      • Reximus

        and dershowitz is handing the wingnuts a ready line of bs when the Trumpies go off to jail

    • William
    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Dershowitz is an idiot. I think a third of black men voted for Trump, so I’m going to go out on a limb and say that not all black people will automatically convict Trump.

      • Serai 1

        Where did you get the idea that a third of black men voted for Trump??

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          My bad, I was confusing Latino men with African American men. Only 13% of black men voted for Trump, while a third of Hispanic men did:
          “The numbers suggested Clinton was not able to inspire African Americans in the way Obama did. Whereas Obama garnered 95 percent of the black vote, exit polls show only 88 percent of African Americans cast their vote for Clinton.

          Most surprisingly, official exit polls show Trump won 29 percent of the Latino vote; Romney had won 27 percent in 2012. For researchers, this may be confounding. Data from pre-election polls gathered by other polling first show Trump’s share of the Latino vote closer to 18 percent.

          The polling firm Latino Decisions set off a Twitter storm after the release of early exit poll data that showed high support for Trump.”

          As with Latinos, black men voted for Trump in higher numbers than their female counterparts, at 13 percent compared to 4 percent of black women.”

          http://www.nbcnews.com/news/latino/trump-win-leaves-questions-about-latino-african-american-vote-n681136

          • Serai 1

            That makes a lot more sense. There’s a sizable part of the Latino population who are all about pulling the ladder up behind them, and talk about the “dirty wetbacks”, etc. 33% out of them does not surprise me at all.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            I was really surprised that they’d vote for Trump. He was so awful to Hispanics.

          • Serai 1

            I wasn’t. Not at all. There’s a deep vein of self-hatred that runs through Latin communities that makes things like that possible. You should have seen the eyerolls my mom and dad were indulging in every time they heard some fucking idiot on the Mexican radio stations going on about how great Twitler was. None of us were surprised at all.

      • Alan

        You could have stopped after the first sentence.

      • William
        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          It was 13%, not 33%. It was 1/3rd of Hispanic men who voted for Trump.

      • CripesAmighty

        Richard Painter decapitates Dershowitz on this topic:
        https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=TlkhA184Fj0

        • Serai 1

          Great video, but can I please say how thoroughly fucking SICK I am of all this “destroys” and “decapitates” and other such nonsense? What’s wrong with “proves him wrong” or “makes him look foolish” or “exposes his lies”? Why must we jump to the childish hyperbole and waving of arms? All it does is make the point look ridiculous, and lose people who don’t much want to be talked to as if they were toddlers?

          • AuntyMaude

            Agreed! But the reason behind it is click baiting I believe.

          • Serai 1

            Yes, appealing to prurient interests. Problem is, it drags the level of discourse down to where even supposedly “serious” media outlets are given to hyperventilating like a fucking thirteen-year-old.

          • Saxo the Grammarian

            Yeah! Stick with the classics, like “defenestrate”.

          • Raan

            Gotta drive those hits.

          • CripesAmighty

            You are hereby invited to publish the official non-commenting style manual.

    • Jamoche

      Maybe he’d like NYC better.

  • William
  • memzilla Ω

    Hey Li’l Donny! Here’s today’s joke at your expense:

    Q: What’s worse than being investigated by a grand jury led by Robert Mueller?
    A: Being investigated by two grand juries led by Robert Mueller!

    HEYYYOOOOOO!

  • William

    I love the photos of the kids. There is something about those images that almost erases the traumatic moments involved with raising children. …almost. https://www.facebook.com/SarcasmAndFunnyChit1/videos/1129054403895221/

    • TJ Barke

      Gross…

      • Serai 1

        I believe that’s the point.

    • AuntyMaude

      Shit happens.

    • JustDon’tSayDignity

      LOL.

  • memzilla Ω
  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    A post by Lance Thrustwell below made me wish something – I wish there was a nice place that people who are suicidal could go to. A place people could go to where they’d have a chance to catch their breath, and think, and get counseling.

    There was a young homeless man in my town who I felt so bad for. He was very large, and seemed like he was mentally ill. His legs were badly infected, and he’d just sit in the park wrapped in a blanket. I think it’s so terrible that we don’t take care of people as a country. We have such a high rate of mental illness, and we don’t do shit about it. The only time we’ve even talked about doing something, was when the gun nuts wanted to start giving help to the people who were getting ready to go on killing sprees. People only care about the mentally ill when they’re worried their guns are going to be taken away? What a fucked up country this is – our priorities are insane.

    • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

      A program called Housing First seems to be working in some cities.
      http://www.motherjones.com/politics/2015/02/housing-first-solution-to-homelessness-utah/

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        What a great article, thanks for sharing it.

    • handyhippie65

      you’d think the america first crowd would want to address this, as they are americans. the fact they don’t shows they are me first, and fuck every one else.

      • AuntyMaude

        aMErica first. Yup, says so on the label.

        • House0fTheBlueLights

          This. They don’t mean America First. They mean Me First.

          • AuntyMaude

            Yes indoodle. That’s why I capitalized the ME in america.

          • House0fTheBlueLights

            Oh duh. I see it now.

    • Jonny On Maui

      I believe that as a people we wish to help. We’re told not to. “They’re crazy and insane, don’t interact, it’s not safe.” This is from the folk waiting for their next dividend check from their healthcare stock portfolio. We jail those who can’t take care of themselves, treatment is solitary confinement.

      Profit has become the be all and end all, there is no other motive. There’s the joke that all the lawyers will be against the wall when the revolution comes. I’d add those with MBAs too.

      You are right Vagenda. Our priorities are all screwed up.

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        It is true that the US prison system is the largest mental health facility in the world.

      • Catstro

        I think there are plenty of people who really don’t want to help. There’s still such a stigma surrounding mental illness that people tend to blame the mentally ill for their condition and don’t feel like they actually deserve help because it’s their fault.

      • Persistent Demme

        There was a guy that used to play basketball near our dog park.
        He used to “bark” at the dogs, and, (to say the least), they didn’t like that.
        So, I decided to engage him.
        He thought all the dogs (including mine) were out to bite him.
        He was really brilliant, and had lots of unique insights, but sometimes didn’t make any sense at all (someone else there thought he was possibly schizophrenic).
        Once he understood that everything was OK, he stopped barking back at the dogs, and peace was restored.

        I mention this because everyone was shocked that I talked to him.(!)
        Even one woman with a schizophrenic brother was afraid of him. (Maybe my ignorance was bliss.)
        It just seemed like common sense to me.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I keep waiting for people to go back to giving a shit about other people again. Instead, Republicans are worrid that billionaires are just not quite rich enough.

    • SeeTrain65

      This. Especially after reading Snarkbot’s post yesterday.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I didn’t read his post until today, and it left me devastated.

        • SeeTrain65

          I didn’t get to it until late, and I felt exactly the same way.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            I spent most of the afternoon crying. I didn’t know Snarkbot well, but we did exchange some pleasantries. I wish there was something we could have done.

            I went to see the movie “The Girls Trip” in an attempt to cheer myself up, and it was a distraction, but I ended up leaving the movie in tears.

          • SeeTrain65

            Now you’re going to start me crying. Haven’t heard a thing since I left last night, but I honestly hope he found someone to help him, someone to talk to at least. I’d like to believe he did, and that he’ll be back soon to talk to us.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            I hope he will, too. I wish I knew what town he lived in, so I could look at the local newspaper.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Has anybody heard from Snarkbot today?

      • TJ Barke

        No, and I fear the worst.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          Damn.

          • TJ Barke

            It sounded like wonkette was his only point of contact with anyone, and if he wasn’t on it, there wasn’t really any way to talk to him or find him.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I don’t think so. I’ve spent the afternoon crying, thinking about him. I wish he’d given us a little head’s up on what his plans were. He sounded like he was serious though, I don’t think that was just a plea for help.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          Damn. Please don’t take this on you. You have done nothing wrong.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            I know. It just brought me extreme sadness, and brought back memories of a friend who had committed suicide. I really hate to think of people being alone and hopeless.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            *hugs* You are such a caring person.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            Thank you, that means a lot to me.

            I just wish there was something we could have done. My dream has been to build affordable housing for so long, but I’ve been stymied for lack of funds. I feel like if I could have gotten it done sooner I could have helped Snarkbot and Sardonicuss. George W. Bush literally ruined all of my plans.

      • (((Aron)))

        Wait. We lost a commenter friend?

        Please tell me I have misunderstood you.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          I hope not. But he posted a very concerning post the other morning.

          • (((Aron)))

            😿😿😿😿😿😿😿

    • Serai 1

      There used to be places like that until fucking Reagan decided they weren’t worth the money.

    • eyelashviper

      Once Upon A Time In America, there was a real attempt to provide all kinds of mental health services, and the Community Mental Health movement of the late 60’s and early 70’s did just that. All across the country there were funds available to provide counseling, hotlines, preventive care and education in local communities, and it made a big difference in admissions to state mental hospitals. Of course, Ronnie Raygun saw all that as a waste of money and another part of guvmint that he maligned, so funds and programs slowly melted away.
      The VA has services for vets, but too often there is a waiting list (which is a huge obstacle to people following through), and there is little outreach, so vets just rarely get the counseling they need.
      As you say, mental health is discussed only when someone who is very disturbed gets a gun and shoots up a bunch of bystanders, but otherwise it is ignored.

      • Zyxomma

        One correction: Raygun did away with that quite quickly. In the Carter era, I worked for a nonprofit that brought the arts to the institutionalized and the institutionalized to the arts. There was already a term for them: deinstitutionalized mental patients. They were dumped into nursing homes if they were old, and onto the streets if they weren’t. Many of them have ended up in prison, for longer and shorter terms.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I was remembering when I was a kid in the 1960s/1970s, and there were places for people to get help. Even SRO hotels offered a little bit of respite for people who couldn’t afford an apartment. All of that disappeared in the 1980s. It just kind of makes me sick to my stomach that we don’t do anything for people in pain.

    • That USED to be called a psychiatric hospital.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Yeah, I remember them from when I was a kid.

  • The Wanderer

    Doing my Hunter Thompson
    impression at a local furry con :
    https ://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b7e20f87ab204f6f3083924281adf7b6678b64a6c28d6a76e7e49163728b0d8d.jpg

    • SeeTrain65

      “The Bill Murray Hunter S. Thompson or the Johnny Depp Hunter S. Thompson?”

      • The Wanderer

        Bill Murray.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        iswydt

    • ken_kukec

      Looks like you were near Barstow, on the edge of the desert, when the drugs began to take hold.

    • Raan

      Holy Jesus! What are these goddamn animals?!

    • (((Aron)))

      We can’t stop here. This is furry country.

  • ken_kukec

    Wow, Wonk kid is lookin’ very Lana-Turner-circa-the-Johnny-Stompanato-murder-trial in that get-up.

  • geoffalnutt

    First of all: “Yours in Christ” is the most horrifying sentiment I’ve seen in print in the last fifteen minutes. Second of all: Wonkette babby is rocking the “Jackie Oh”-look. Kudos to all concerned.

    • JustDon’tSayDignity

      I always read that as a John Le Carre reference from the Smiley’s People days.

      • SisterArtemis

        I don’t know what the reference is, but it always makes me think of those emails I used to get from that poor women somewhere in Africa with a husband in jail and a buttload of money in an inaccessible bank account. “Dear Sister in Christ….”

        • JustDon’tSayDignity

          All these Brit spies would say this as sarcasm. “Your in Christ” was sorta “Sincerely, (but not really)”.

  • eyelashviper

    With all the work and redecoratin’ going on at the WH, there are new photos to be displayed at the unveiling, and updated family portrait is going to be yuuuuge and placed in the center of the main hall:

    http://horror.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/19.jpg

    • LesBontemps

      Okay, but David S. Pumpkins?

  • SadDemInTex

    Gorka is leaving the WH (news from LA Times).

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Yours in Christ?

    Well bless your heart, Evan.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Gorgeous DR pic. Where is she waitressing? I’d like to slip her a couple extra Ameros for the college fund.

  • ChiefOfStaffCaptainHowdy

    Last non-comment an hour ago. Weak. Failing. Where’s the action at?

  • capnkrunch

    Is that Wonket toddler playing with Wonket neices? CAN SUCH A THING EVEN BE ALLOWED TO HAPPEN?!

  • Someone who is almost as cute Wonkette toddler: https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/4a66e6864c7dc9510148abdc60488e2c0db701732b9e96393cc556a369e43d9f.jpg

    I of course don’t mean that dork on the right. But Matt the Cruise Director, who I GOT TO STAND NEAR! (Swoon! ❤❤❤❤❤❤) H-O-T-T am I right?

    • (((Aron)))

      I CANNOT EVEN RIGHT NOW

      • I know, right! (And you should here him speak! Not since Bond has a British accent sounded so utterly delectable!)

        By the way, if you guys want to see more pants-tingling pics of My Dream Man…er um Matt, just Google “Matt the cruise director” and be prepared to drool.

        • (((Aron)))

          I think I just turned a little bit gay…

          *COUGHING*

  • Robert Gibson

    I just interviewed for a new job. If I get it, I promise that I’ll sign on for monthly donations to Wonkette. I love you guys

Previous articleHey, Barack O’Birthday! Here’s To 56 More Years Of Having Bigger Hands Than Donald Trump!
Next articleFox News Host Eric Bolling (Allegedly) Sent Unsolicited Dick Pics To Everyone But You