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Happy 56th birthday, Barack Obama! You are sexxxy and kind and wonderful and still the president of our hearts and our pants! Know why? Fuck Trump. We will never acknowledge his hairy stinky birthday. But yours? ALWAYS.

Here’s Michelle Obama, the first lady of the people in the United States who love our country, saying OH HEY BIRTHDAY BAMZ on Twitter:

So … what should we do for Obama’s birthday? Ooh, we know! Let’s make a list of things about Obama that are bigger/yooger/sexxxier/more tremendous than whatever floppy little Beanie Weenie Donald Trump’s packin’:

  • His hands.
  • His heart.
  • His brain.
  • His number of degrees.
  • His number of accomplishments.
  • His sperm count we are just guessing.
  • His number of presidential accomplishments.
  • His approval rating at pretty much any given time during his presidency. (Guess who never sunk into the 30s, not ever?)
  • His first Electoral College win.
  • His second Electoral College win.
  • His popular vote in 2008.
  • His popular vote in 2012.
  • The number of world leaders who DO NOT fall over in giggle-fits when they hear his name, unless they are recalling the most hilarious joke he ever told, in which case laughing is OK.
  • His Big D we are just guessing.
  • Balls too we are just guessing.
  • Hell, the entire Obama Down Theres.
  • Did we already say his hands?
  • We should say his hands several times, because President Thin-Skin is really sensitive about his hands, which are like crusty, heinous mini-baby paws compared to Obama’s.
  • His biceps.
  • His wife’s biceps.
  • His class.
  • His elegance.
  • Did we say his Big D already? Haha of course we did.
  • His self-confidence.
  • His ability to climb stairs without crying and falling down go boom.
  • The number of people in America who would piss on him if he was on fire.
  • His vocabulary.
  • His handsomeness.
  • The number of people in America who would enjoy making intercourse with him.
  • And finally, once again, his hands, in case we haven’t said that enough.

So anyway, Bamz. Have a good birthday! It’s your day, so do what you want! Have sexxxytime with Michelle! Eat some steak! Go out on a yacht with one of your mega-rich pals! Take your pants off! Sneak over to the White House and give literally any person there a shiny new quarter in exchange for changing the locks while President Fuck-Bonkers is off puss-grabbing in New Jersey! GO NUTS!

Call all your friends in the Deep State and tell them you’ve got some “wire tapps” from the Trump Oval Office and White House residence you’d like to dead drop! That might be fun, don’t you think?

Hire an airplane to fly over Trump’s Bedminster resort that says “NO PEE TAPE. NO PEE TAPE. YOU’RE THE PEE TAPE.” And if you happen to have a copy, DROP IT OUT OF THE AIRPLANE! You deserve it, big guy. If any of these activities appeal to you, just feel free!

Order a pizza. Drink as many alcohols as you want! Drunk-dial Eric Trump and tell him his dad’s a pussy! Seriously, we are just trying to serve our president by helping with fun #BirthdayIdeas.

Now, to close out this post, here are a million pictures of Barry Bamz being sexxxy. YOU’RE WELCOME.

Picture of Barry and his armpits by Jack Brockway from the Virgin website. We hope he is OK with us borrying the picture!

reply hazy, will be sorted out by Executive Order

Tanned, Rested, and Ready

No fair, why does HE get to use his phone and we can't? MOM!

The end. And now it is your OPEN THREAD.

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  • Old town Urbandale

    You’re making me all verklempt.

  • Happy birthday, actual President!

    • Three Finger Salute

      Our last president.

      Most recent one, too.

  • Steve Cole

    That pix w/Angela is night and day compared to meeting Trumpolini.

  • janecita
  • CindyinEncinitas

    I want to cry now.

  • Bitter Scribe

    You forgot the most important item on the list: The ability to have and express coherent thoughts.

  • Creepoman

    “Take your pants off!”

    One of us! One of us!

  • wide_stance_hubby

    Oh, yeah? Aerial photos PROVE Tramp’s ass is larger than Obama’s!

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    I miss the competency and lack of drama. I’ve forgotten what it’s like to wake up and wonder if we are engaging in thermonuclear war yet.

    • Cliff Hendroval

      IK,R? Every morning I wake up and check the web news to find out if we’re at war or if they’re deporting everyone named Martinez whether or not they’re tenth-generation Americans.

  • Vincent Ricola

    Have a great birthday, President Obama!

    Then please come back to lead the country again SOS.

  • BearGHAZI

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY MR REAL PRESIDENT
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EqolSvoWNck

  • Stranded Devonian Lungfish

    Crying (because Bamz is not still POTUS) and laughing (because Evan).

  • The Most Physically and Mentally Fit Individual to ever hold office *
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/9cc1accb74ede117a8fcc3c313b9019362aa515fef28ea36d12c4e9051842319.png?w=320&h=417

    * = Sorry Bill, it was close but Fidelity pushed him over

    • bupkus231

      ” Sorry Bill, it was close but Fidelity pushed him over”

      Wait a second – wasn’t it GoldmanSachs?

    • Three Finger Salute

      Trump not only a physical mess, he’s in need of serious psychological help. Mama Trudeau called it in October. No one listened. Fuddle duddle.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Oh my god I miss the true classiness embodied by the Obamas. That Staten Island smoldering trailer trash dumpster fire administration we have now is just flat out embarrassing.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • Beanz&Berryz

      Quell moran has a photo of a whiteboard with your political to do list… quell… fucking… moran….

      • ltmcdies

        the only reason the world is ..so far…not a fireball…is the utter incompetence of this lot to govern even a god damn chalkboard

        • Beanz&Berryz

          And plus the Russians , Chinese and North Koreans are being the Adults.

        • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

          Yep. As a project manager, the first thing I would do after a meeting was take a picture of the white board and then delete the whole thing. Yeah, I’d publish meeting notes for the attendees, but there are always too many dumb motherfuckers that would misread shit.

    • JMP

      “The Big Lie” is an accurate title for that book, and in fact everything D’Souza has ever written.

  • Truck Fump
  • wide_stance_hubby

    My schadenfreude feels overdressed to this party after reveling in KarmaBro’s woes.

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      I am underdressed as I am still in my pajamas.

  • Three Finger Salute
  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    okay, OT time, it’s not impeachable, but still funny:

    President Donald Trump was so excited by the good news in Friday’s jobs report that he jumped the gun to tweet about it, violating a federal rule that requires an hour between when a report is released, and when federal officials can comment on the numbers.


    This is the second time that the Trump White House has jumped the gun to comment on the report.

    http://money.cnn.com/2017/08/04/news/economy/trump-jobs-tweet/index.html

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    also too – this should go about as well as taking away people’s healthcare:

    Trump weighs slashing one of the most popular tax deductions

    The Trump administration is trying to figure out how to pay for tax cuts, and one of the ways it’s considering is getting rid of the mortgage-interest deduction for homeowners, Politico reports.

    Unlike rent payments, the interest for a mortgage payment can be deducted from taxable income. It’s a major benefit of owning a home, and critics have pointed to it as a huge driver in American inequality.

    (I realize the irony of the last part, but my guess is rent should be deductible as well, not to do what Donnie apparently wants to do).
    https://www.yahoo.com/finance/news/trump-weighs-slashing-one-popular-tax-deductions-182402330.html

    • Covfefe

      The home mortgage interest deduction is a substantial benefit to the construction industry. Jobs. Dude.

    • Old town Urbandale

      I think it’ll get more than a yawn, but nowhere near health care level concern. There’s a whole bunch of people who are never going to buy a house, and a whole bunch more that have paid off their mortgage. But everyone needs healthcare (despite what the Repugnicans believe).

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        ehhhhh, i dunno. Let’s remember, a lot of hte outrage over the ACA is money.

        I couldn’t tell you how many people have mortgages, but defaulting on them led to the 2008 meltdown, so I’m not so sure you’re right.

      • jowgajen

        This would depreciate the value of every home in America. It’s not a small thing at all.

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          to be fair – whether trumpkins see it as a small thing and whether it is a small thing are two diffferent…uh, things.

          • jowgajen

            To be equally fair, it may be the right thing to do. But not something you do just to balance a tax cut for the rich. It would be a major sea change in the housing market.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            well in the housing market and branching out to other parts of financial sectors, but yeah, no disagreement there.

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      Yeah, this won’t happen as it will kill a major write-off for the middle class, many of those whipipo that voted for Trump. You know, those people in McMansions.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        that was exactly my thought – except i’m not so solid on whether it won’t happen.

        ; P

        • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

          It won’t happen because Millennials are not buying houses like they used to. So developers are either building high end houses or apartment buildings. If the interest deduction is taken away, then people will not be buying those McMansions and people who have them will not be able to sell them.
          Look at all the reverse mortgage loan ads being pushed to seniors. At least the worst abuses of the reverse mortgage markets have been patched. Like not writing on or honoring survivorship clauses so widows could stay when their husbands died or loaning the full value of the house, leaving no equity for heirs.
          That will not be happening with my generation (Gen-X). Many of us downsize as soon as our kids move out. I know I did. And a lot of the savvy seniors did as soon as the market started recovering from the Great Recession. i know my parents did, on us kids’ advice.
          Those huge houses or expensive houses will not sell at all if there is no mortgage interest write-off.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            look, I know it’s a bad idea, which is why these idiots might actually do it.

  • wide_stance_hubby

    I miss having presidents getting voted into office.

  • William
    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      damn onion ninjas, right outside my window.

    • Creepoman

      Here’s hoping they have to change the engraving in a few years – “President” would fit nicely in the same space as “First Lady.”

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        i was thinking that too.
        Well said.

    • William

      OK I think I need to be fair.

      This pole is dedicated to Svetlana Knauss, who endured a normal Slovenian lifestyle, so that her descendent Melania could grow up to be an unintelligible porn actress who puts her makeup on with a trowel, and would eventually go on to become the mail order bride of an orange idiot. She would eventually steal a speech from a REAL first lady. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/70943d4a8698d35f17d61949664cc2ec00bcc6c20f569fbfb645dbfb9e7d9f95.jpg

      • Three Finger Salute

        She’s never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down.

      • therblig

        well, melania did put an end to cyber bullying class in the white house.

        • meanlawyermom

          Again, stop. What happens to her if she stands up to the a-hole in charge? Your holding her responsible for Trump is similar to the guy I know who refused to vote for Hillary because of Bill’s sins.

          • William

            What happens to her if she stands up to the a-hole in charge?
            Good question.
            1. Leave him and tell the world that it’s not ok to condone a man who brags about sexually assaulting women.
            2. Get a job, start a cause, volunteer, have an opinion.
            3. Understand that there are so many women in this country who have achieved so much without a boob job or marrying a serial lying sex offender.
            4. Stand for something…anything.
            5. Tell her idiot husband to get a job.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        She works hard for the money.

        • hudson srinivasan

          when you just are, there is no concept of hardness.

      • SDGeoff3

        That is very nice, but I think I will sit and reflect upon the magnificence on our First Lady Michelle’s gift instead.

      • meanlawyermom

        Stop. I feel really bad for Melania. I can’t help it. She was born into poverty. She lucked into being gorgeous and felt the only opportunity she had was to be with Trump.

        • meanlawyermom

          She did trade her autonomy to get her parents into the United States and has/had to sleep with Trump in exchange. Blech. Agreed that it’s problematic that pretty women from Slovenia, etc., can trade on their looks while Latinx people are treated as garbage by the GOP. But that’s not Melon’s fault.

          I can’t even imagine what that garbage and his followers would do/would have done to her if she’d have tried to leave him at any point. Yes, she made her bed and has to lie in it. But let’s not slut shame her.

        • William

          She was not born into poverty. Her father ran a car dealership and her mother designed children’s clothing. If she felt her only opportunity was to marry a guy 40 years older, than she has other problems.

    • CeeQ

      Fucking. Awesome.

    • hudson srinivasan

      where do the obama’s get off knowing stuff, and their show-offy ability for recognizing real greatness?

    • LadyLaz

      I need to go see that. Serious. I live in Georgia

  • Serai 1
    • OutOfOrbit

      some peeps can get away with ANYTHING

    • Steve Cole

      You won’t see Melon doing this. She blesses any excuse and keeps her distance.

      • Jamoche

        Also anyone trying to take Trumpie’s twitter access would draw back a stump.

      • aureolaborealis

        I’m guessing Melon gets punched in the face if she tries something like that.

  • Alex Grey

    Thanks Obama.

  • JMP
  • ManchuCandidate

    A man not a man baby. At least Obama won’t be throwing turds and smearing them like his opposite in pretty much everything Trump.

  • Creepoman

    Shouldn’t we wait for Trump’s team in Hawaii to weigh in before we jump the gun on this whole “birth day” thing?

    • Steve Cole

      I think they were eaten by cannibals or something. No updates in years.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Obama claims to have been born in Honolulu, Hawaii on August 4, 1961
      http://www.conservapedia.com/Barack_Hussein_Obama

      • Creepoman

        Damn you all to hell for making me click that link!!

  • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

    OMG, I miss that dude (and his family) soooooooooooooooooooooo much! Look at his daughters when they were little– squee! A day brightener on par with photos of kittens!

  • Serai 1

    As an antidote to all the craziness, here is the Twitter feed of one Mr. A. Bear.

    https://twitter.com/A_single_bear/status/374728048622727169

  • canes_pugnaces

    God… Is Trump really president. Are you sure?
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I1wg1DNHbNU

    • elviouslyqueer

      And you may say to yourself, “MY GOD, WHAT HAVE I DONE?”

      — Most Americans on January 21, 2017

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        and every day since.

  • Three Finger Salute
    • BadKitty904

      OHJB: I told him there actually IS a basement in the Alamo.
      BAMZ: Dammit, Joe…

    • Fartknocker

      I’m 57 years old. I hope I am 50% as cool as Handsome Joe in my 70s.

      • CafeenMan

        I have no such hope. I was never 1/4th as cool as Joe at my coolest.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Today’s job numbers are obviously FAKE FAKE FAKE. How do I know? Because Obamacare is still the law and it totally killed all the jobs.

  • Vicki Lawrence’s Covfefe

    Totally O/T personal happy times: after two solid months of dealing with warranty issues, we have (just in time for fall) a brand new a/c unit up and running and my house is actually almost getting COLD.

    • Red Bird

      I know how you feel

    • Me not sure

      I hope you beat the bastards down real good. Stay cool!

    • Courser_Resistance

      Awesome! Congratulations! All the heat probably hasn’t passed yet, so you’re well prepared.

      • Vicki Lawrence’s Covfefe

        I told my folks that if I had to, I’d put on long johns and a heavy coat and crank the a/c down to about 65 just to enjoy it.

  • Thiazin Red

    Man I should not have gotten into the Public Radio Alliance podcasts, they’re really good and making me neglect the audio books I was trying to finish. Rabbits has elements of Murakami, alternate reality games, and mystery shows like Twin Peaks. Tanis has a very similar tone, but not the personal stakes of Rabbits. Both of them are presented as documentaries, and include plenty of real world history to add to the story. I’m going to hold off on Black Tapes the other one that they do, because three is too many to catch up on at once.

  • janecita
    • aureolaborealis

      Even bald eagles prefer Obama!

  • Jenny

    Open thread but it is friday! Some bullshit is gonna drop in like an hour!

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    ah, more OT news – I have an interview with a staffing firm on monday. They’ve got two open positions as of this week, not sure I’m qualified for either – but here’s ho ping!

    • Creepoman

      Hello, Ho Ping!

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Wasn’t your cousin the cook on Bonanza?

        Wait. That was Hop Sing. My bad.

    • OutOfOrbit

      break a leg

    • BadKitty904
    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      Let’s hope that Ho Ping is a good person and gives you a job.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      lol, ii am leaving the hoping typo cause the responses are excellent.

    • Covfefe

      So. Donald was qualified to be president? Still got the job.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Bug ’em! bug em bug em bug em. Squeaky wheel.

    • Courser_Resistance

      Good Luck!

    • Doug Langley

      Good luck!

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • Pisto75666

      CNN still doesn’t get a pass for their part in the Drumpf residency but, I have to applaud them not even hiding their trolling of Trumpelthinskin.

  • Tzipora Kaplan

    you guys there has been NO NEWS ALL DAY I AM SO SCARED FOR WHAT IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN HOLD ME

    • Me not sure

      God help us, it’s Friday!

    • Thiazin Red

      They should have saved some of that stuff from yesterday, spaced it out a little.

    • OutOfOrbit

      locate fainting couch, stay within close proximation

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      I would love to be a fly on the wall at the Bedmister club.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        That dump?

        • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

          Just to hear the conversations and rants and impotent rage.

  • Me not sure
  • Serai 1
    • BadKitty904

      I love this entire Barry’n’Joe meme SO much.

  • Joe Beese

    More reasoned discourse from the NRA.

    https://twitter.com/yashar/status/893579078925770752

    • Pisto75666

      Classy!

      • Creepoman

        Classy as fuck! Sophistication out the ass!

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Yeah, not sure what that has to do with gun ownership. But nicely unhinged.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      Actually, the WaPo has been much more critical, but the NRA goobers will never cancel their Amazon Prime accounts.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Is that supposed to be English?

    • Creepoman

      Please tell me that’s an SNL skit.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Oh, NRA – bring it on, you hypocritical bunch of lying gasbags….

    • Jamoche

      Looks like it got deleted and replaced by https://twitter.com/yashar/status/893587839367229440

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    this story is old news by now, but has some good tidbits:

    Sessions said in the first six months of this year, the Department of Justice had received nearly as many criminal referrals involving unauthorized disclosures of classified information than it had received in the past three years combined. Though he did not say if it resulted in a criminal referral, Sessions cited in particular a recent disclosure to The Washington Post of transcripts of President Trump’s conversations with Mexican President Enrique Peña Nieto and another with Australian Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull.

    Sessions said prosecutors had charged four people with unauthorized disclosures of classified information or concealing contacts with foreign officers. Only one of those involved a leak to the press, and one of the people was actually arrested during the Obama administration.

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/national-security/attorney-general-says-justice-dept-has-tripled-the-number-of-leak-probes/2017/08/04/1a395064-791d-11e7-9eac-d56bd5568db8_story.html?hpid=hp_hp-top-table-main_leaks-1145am%3Ahomepage%2Fstory&utm_term=.62dc14ad1c42

    • Thiazin Red

      How about that, when the leader is a dangerous criming moron instead of a competent and honest adult, concerned people leak things.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        IKR?

        Gee, what happened between the last administration and this one, hmmmm?

    • Three Finger Salute

      ‘Memba this? I ‘memba.

      Back when we had grownups in the room who still knew how to have fun.

      https://reasoningconspiracy.files.wordpress.com/2016/07/trudeau-obama-nieto-nau-handshake.gif

      “One potato, two potato, three potato, four…”

    • bupkus231

      “…had received nearly as many criminal referrals…”

      I can’t help thinking that they all came from Bannon….

  • Yr. Gma

    Needs moar golfing pictures. Oh, and Barry’s butt in white shorts.

  • BadKitty904

    EVAN!!! I know you’re all overheated and such, what with this topic and all, but you forgot one of the very BESTEST Bamz pix EVAR:

    THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES AND LIEUTENANT UHURA!!!

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/4acafb431a1ba015683aef3c4f47525cdc539f9d95617ecf150aad0c818e4852.jpg

    • ltmcdies

      look at the perfect Vulcan greeting….

      she’s such a lovely lady

      • BadKitty904

        This is surely one of the most adorablest photos ever taken in the Oval Office.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        She looks incredible! I mean she was always gorgeous, but wow. I hope I look a fraction as good if I get to be whatever age she is here.

    • Creepoman

      Obama: Upper-case, bold, 24-point Copperplate Gothic ‘V’
      Trump: Lower-case, orange, 6-point Comic Sans ‘v’

    • CeeQ

      I can’t do a Vulcan greeting. My fingers just won’t do it. For shame.

      • BadKitty904

        I’m the same way about eating lima beans.

  • jesterpunk
    • alpacapunchbowl

      I miss these. The memes and the men.

  • janecita
    • BadKitty904

      NEV. ER.

      • ltmcdies

        actually they seem to gone as far as they could go with the incompetent dweb they got running things now

        • CafeenMan

          CafeenMan’s Law of Extremes states that there are no limits in any direction. No matter how incompetent of a President the right wing elects, they can find someone to elect who is even more incompetent. Always.

    • La forza del resistino

      and he’d be the first guy to say he’s the biggest nerd on the planet. unlike the new guy.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Scroll down. Obama and Uhura.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      Daaaaaamn! That photo is ultimate badass.

    • Courser_Resistance

      Jesus, he looks like he should be in a Matrix movie! Or Men in Black, maybe. He can be funny enough.

      • Doug Langley
        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          love this – thanks Doug.

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          sigh, a president who could not only take a joke but make one about himself.

          sigh.

          • Doug Langley

            Remember how Hillary was good friends with Kate McKinnon who spoofed her on SNL?

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            yup – even on the gay marriage issue; I liked that little jab.

          • “M”

            Sense of humor about oneself is a sign of intelligence …

            /just saying

        • CeeQ

          Awesome. Haven’t ever seen this!! I must have been under a rock. Thanks for sharing!!

    • YoBunnyBunny

      Seriously… What kind of hallucinogenic were they thinking when the went, “We’ll take your Obama and raise you a… uh… *looks around*… raise you a TRUMP!!!!”

  • Thiazin Red

    My summer student got an invitation to present the work she did at a national conference for undergrad research.

    • BadKitty904

      Lawd!

    • Courser_Resistance

      Yay! Congratulations to you both!

  • Swampgas_Man

    Guess who just made $110 making computer-rendered 3D porn! WOOO!

    • janecita

      You!!?

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Well, as long as you enjoy your work.

    • CafeenMan

      Obama? Again???

    • Creepoman

      Overshare!

    • data_ninja

      Pffft, Poser!

  • Angela Ruzzo

    There are many milestones in life, some of which are memorable, such as the day I turned 30 and went to buy a six-pack and the convenience store attendant asked for my ID (bliss!) and some of which lead you to start drinking at 10 am, such as the day my wonderful gynecologist retired and his replacement was 26 years old and young enough to be my son (oddly embarrassing). One of those milestones is realizing that you have reached a stage in life where the President of the United States is younger than you are. I sort of never thought this would happen, but it has.

    • janecita

      Trump is younger than you?

      • Angela Ruzzo

        No, Obama is. And we share a birthday, which makes it worse.

        • janecita

          Happy Birthday! I’m sure that you are a beautiful, young looking lady. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/838e1bed616ed26fccc7faecd5128c1376f9634e87acf70436b1da7ae7a719fa.gif

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Thank you. I was before menopause. I really hate menopause, I blame it for everything, including Climate Change and Donald Trump. Thirty years ago we laughingly blamed everything that went wrong on the KGB, but now I am old and the KGB is no more, so I use menopause instead.

          • Courser_Resistance

            Huh, maybe I should try that. The only thing I blame on menopause is nighttime hot flashes and overall sweatiness (which I do not enjoy at all). I’m like a goddamn furnace 24/7.

            And okay, I’m a lot crankier and have no problem telling people off if they displease me. I mentioned it to an acquaintance last weekend and he said, “Ain’t great gettin’ old and you don’t give a shit anymore!?” I remember my mom saying the exact same thing. So I guess I have arrived at Crone – which can also mean Cranky Old Lady, I guess

        • Pisto75666

          Happy Birthday!

        • alpacapunchbowl

          Happy birthday!

        • Courser_Resistance

          He’s two years younger than me too, but my birthday’s in November. But it kinda makes me happy, not sad.

          • Amy!

            He’s three months younger than me. It was so weird, and so hopeful, because I thought that after him all the presidents would be, and we’d get more and more progressive.

            *goes looking for booze*

          • Courser_Resistance

            Same here. Oooh, thanks for reminding me! I have a Mikes Hard Cherry Lemonade in the fridge from a BBQ a few weeks ago. Time to crack that baby!

          • Amy!

            I’ve got some lovely Green Man ESB from Asheville (local coop carries it, on my recommendation). Yuuuuuuuuummmmmm!

        • Courser_Resistance

          Yay! Happy birthday!

        • CindyinEncinitas

          Happy birthday, Angela!

        • Persistent Demme

          Happy Birthday!

    • alpacapunchbowl

      I’m 40 and I still get carded sometimes. It’s awesome. I always get a big smile on my face and say “thanks!”

  • redarmyzombie
  • Serai 1

    I know this will come as a surprise, but it turns out Christians are more likely to say it’s poor people’s own fault they’re poor.

    I know, I know. Contain your shock.

  • La forza del resistino

    Happy B-Day MR. PRESIDENT. 2 scoops of ice cream to go along with the cake for you today.

    • CindyinEncinitas

      ALL THE SCOOPS.

    • BrendaKay

      or pie a la mode…

  • Serai 1
  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    breaking news:

    Exclusive: FBI tracked ‘fake news’ believed to be from Russia on Election Day

    Washington (CNN)The FBI monitored social media on Election Day last year in an effort to track a suspected Russian disinformation campaign utilizing “fake news,” CNN has learned.

    In the months leading up to Election Day, Twitter and Facebook were the feeding grounds for viral “news” stories floating conspiracies and hoaxes, many aimed at spreading negative false claims about Hillary Clinton.

    On Election Day, dozens of agents and analysts huddled at a command center arrayed with large monitoring screens at the FBI headquarters in Washington watching for security threats, according to multiple sources.

    That included analysts monitoring cyber threats, after months of mounting Russian intrusions targeting every part of the US political system, from political parties to policy think-tanks to state election systems.

    On this day, there was also a group of FBI cyber and counterintelligence analysts and investigators watching social media.

    FBI analysts had identified social media user accounts behind stories, some based overseas, and the suspicion was that at least some were part of a Russian disinformation campaign, according to two sources familiar with the investigation.

    The FBI declined to comment for this story.

    For the FBI, this was uncomfortable territory, given the First Amendment’s free speech protections even for fake news stories.

    “We were right on the edge of Constitutional legality,” a person briefed on the investigation said. “We were monitoring news.”

    As the hours ticked by on Election Day, teams at the FBI, Homeland Security Department and the Office of the Director of National Intelligence held conference calls every three hours with a team at the Situation Room in the White House to discuss possible problems, according to multiple sources.

    Minor issues popped up in far-flung parts of the country, from Alaska to Georgia.

    At the end of day, top officials exchanged congratulations for an election day that was completed without disruptions of the vote.

    One Obama White House official responded to the messages of congratulations with the opposite view, saying the US government response to the Russian operation was “a failure of imagination.”

    “Are you kidding?” that official recalled saying to others at the White House as they celebrated a successful election. “What they did worked!”

    • Randy Riddle

      In related news, a new website traces the influences of Russian “influence ops” on Twitter.

      Interestingly, they seem to be mostly promoting Trump and bashing Hillary and Mueller.

      https://arstechnica.com/gadgets/2017/08/new-web-tool-tracks-russian-influence-ops-on-twitter/

    • yyyaz

      I wasn’t aware that “monitoring” social media is an active measure for protecting the integrity of an election while said election is happening. Call my imagination “failed.”

    • bupkus231

      I’m sorry – but what I read here was just self-congratulaory bullshit.

      If they really wanted to look for “disinformation”affecting the election, they should have looked before Election Day. And, of course, the counts go on AFTER “Election Day:, too – claiming victory against interference ON Election Day, on Election Day, is seriously premature – or self-congratulatory bullshit.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    OT, but lest anyone doubt his skills, Jared was able to do in a week what our best IT people couldn’t, he chose a new medical record system for the VA to implement. He didn’t even need to bother with all that boring RFP, research, and history book stuff!

    http://www.healthcareitnews.com/news/how-jared-kushner-helped-va-pick-cerner-quickly

    • BadKitty904

      No doubt he simply selected the system produced by the company “contributing” the mo$t to his father-in-law and the Republican Party.

      • Three Finger Salute

        And he used the bleeding-edge nightly build of the “Eenie Meenie Minie Moe” app to verify his decisionating.

        • BadKitty904

          With Graftometer add-on.

          • WotsAllThisThen

            As Jared might say, “Let’s just blow up the whole concept of electronic medical records.”

          • BadKitty904

            I don’t have a combat-related wound or illness, so why should I care?!

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      trump tweeted about some mobile app for people who get VA help…

      Maybe instead of an app, they should get some goddamn decent funding and healthcare?

      • Major_Major_Major

        Maybe if they didn’t spend all their money on smart phones they could nut up and pay for their health care. Filthy, damn takers.

        • jesterpunk

          But how would that help the companies who now get more money from Jared’s idea?

          • Major_Major_Major

            Tax cuts? It’s always tax cuts, isn’t it?

          • jesterpunk

            Tax cuts and grifting, if you can’t make money for your own companies why even bother being a republican?

    • La forza del resistino

      they had to delay the announcement until Tom Price got ahold of his broker.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Good for you Jared! You synesthesianated the retrograde flux capacitor!

      • Doug Langley

        But I thought he reversed the polarity of the neutron flow?

        • Three Finger Salute

          He ac-cen-tu-ated the affirmative and decavffenated the Mister In-between.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      I hope that system’s secure. Kaspersky, if I remember correctly, is a highly recommended security suite.

  • Seamus Romney

    “Let’s make a list of things about Obama that are bigger/yooger/sexxxier/more tremendous than whatever floppy little Beanie Weenie Donald Trump’s packin’:

    His Big D we are just guessing.

    Balls too we are just guessing.”

    Came here for this. Leaving satisfied.

    • CindyinEncinitas

      At least straighten up your hair on the way out…

  • Courser_Resistance

    I miss Barry Bamz! He has beautiful hands! Not the ugly, stubby things Cheeto EmptyBallsack waves around. Seriously, I have a thing for hands.

  • Jennifer R
  • mancityRed6

    new account open, got money for whiskey and sammiches just now. if I call before 10 AM eastern time on Monday, they’ll force through the rent payment. and I did sign (electronically) the paperwork that will get the ball rolling for the $200.
    now I just need to update all the people that take money out of my account.
    and get up for work tomorrow.
    the best thing? I could have eaten that loss if I had to.

  • Thiazin Red

    Hah, after quite a bit of looking on Etsy I finally found a dress like Clara’s from Asylum of the Daleks. When it arrives I will have another option for days when I feel like doing subtle cosplay at work.

    • mancityRed6

      I’m assuming a cyberman or dalek costume would be frowned upon?

  • Doug Langley

    Well.

    Had notified summer camp that today would be my last day cuz starting as file clerk next week. The weekly field trip was a visit to a state park for fun & hiking, then pizza lunch, then Magic Mountain. Made it to park, kids played around. One guy took off his shoes and socks to go wading in the creek.

    Then boss rounded up everyone and moved out on the hike. The one guy had to put his socks and shoes on. I couldn’t leave him, so whipped out phone and called boss, telling her we were falling behind. She said to catch up. We got walking, but it was a maze of trails. Couldn’t see anyone and didn’t want to get lost. Boss kept calling me and I asked where they were but couldn’t get anything useful (English is not her native language). So I took the kid back to the starting point and waited.

    Eventually boss and other kids showed up. She was LIVID. Almost yelling I had messed up her hike, they had waited for us but I couldn’t find them, etc. “If you can’t follow instructions, you should go home!!” So I hopped in the car and left. Fuck it all.

    And I didn’t even get lunch out of them.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      nicely done doug.

      • Doug Langley

        Well, it was sort of a direct order.

    • Persistent Demme

      Good for you!

    • mancityRed6

      cool.

    • BadKitty904
      • Doug Langley

        Bump

    • TJ Barke

      Man, that sounded shitty.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      those fuckers fucked with you waaaaay too many times – which most employers apparently feel like they can do since the job market is so awful.

      • Doug Langley

        The weird part is that the kids really like me. Call me “Mr Doug”, love to ask me questions, we play games.

        • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

          Of course. That’s probably why she’s such a See You Next Tuesday to you–they like you much better than her

      • Doug Langley

        Oddly, no other teachers were there today, just boss, me, and someone who occasionally helps out. No idea what happened.

    • CindyinEncinitas
      • mancityRed6

        that was my ringtone after I started looking at my last job I left.

      • CptnEng2311

        Thanks for proving that Scaramucci is a time traveler.

        Now I know that he was the WH comms director so briefly because he only needed to shift the timeline a little bit…

        • data_ninja

          “Sam! Ziggy says you gotta keep Scaramucci in the White House for as long as possible!”

          “I think I can pull off a week, tops.”

        • Three Finger Salute

          Wow, Ralph Macchio became an insult comic?

        • H0mer0

          [handsome devil-how old is that pic?]

    • redarmyzombie

      What is fucking wrong with that asshole? You don’t fucking leave people behind like that.

      • Doug Langley

        My thought exactly. We have to be responsible for the kids and can’t leave them by themselves.

    • redarmyzombie

      Also, she can take that pizza and shove it up her ass.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        So… NY style pizza?

        • Doug Langley

          Little Ceasar’s. Other instructor can’t eat it cuz it’s the only pizza that makes her sick.

    • bupkus231

      Yeah, it’s great to have a fallback position, ain’t it?

    • H0mer0

      did you at least get one bourbon, one scotch and one beer?

    • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

      so, you should have left the kid there in the creek? good on you for taking care of him, and good on you for going home when she yelled at you.

  • TJ Barke

    COME ON BARRY! HAVE YOUR DEEP STATE MOLES DEPOSE THE NARANJA NIGHTMARE ALREADY!

    • kaydenpat

      And put them all in those FEMA gay marriage camps.

      • TJ Barke

        Where gay marriage is mandatory?

        • WotsAllThisThen

          And you HAVE to bake a cake!

          • therblig

            the cakes we like?

        • kaydenpat

          Yeppers.

  • mancityRed6

    the main difference between R and D presidents is what they do after.
    what did Reagan do? or the two Bushes?
    Carter still helps build houses, Clinton gave mega bucks speeches but the foundation?
    Obama won’t stop doing what he believes.
    I really hope tRump is complaining about the tennis courts at whatever country club prison they send him to.

    • Cliff Hendroval

      Well, to be fair to Reagan, the only thing he could do when he left office was to smile and drool.

      • marxalot

        And play basketball. Body still there, brain gone.

        • Cliff Hendroval

          Reminds me of seeing Glen Campbell towards the end of his final tour. Teleprompters all over the stage with lyrics, his children in the band guiding him if he started wandering, but damn, he could still play guitar like nobody’s business.

          • bupkus231

            That was a few years ago…

          • Cliff Hendroval

            Back in 2012 to be precise.

          • alpacapunchbowl

            Aww, that reminds me a little bit of seeing Kris Kristoffersen play last summer.

      • Covfefe

        All Reagan could do when he entered office was to smile and drool.

      • mancityRed6

        also his second term. and some of his first.

    • Yr. Gma

      Ford and Carter teamed up on some stuff after they were both out of office. They were BFFs in the end. W. has become a world-famous painter who will doubtless hang in the Louvre any day now.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        I don’t care if it’s the Louvre.

      • bupkus231

        The Louvre Bar & Grill off Bourbon Street….

      • Three Finger Salute

        I think you mean his paintings will be in the loo.

        • Yr. Gma

          Isn’t that one of his favorite painting themes?

      • Amy!

        Tsssk. His art’s not that bad. Bad,sure, but I can’t imagine outraged art snobs actually lynching him.

  • Maclare, Local Milk Person 🍼
  • Yr. Gma

    Needs moar golfing pictures. Oh, and Barry’s butt in white shorts.

  • Yr. Gma
    • mancityRed6

      that was on the news when I was leaving work. the biggest part of their economy before this was lottery tickets.
      hope it works well for them.
      and being that close to the state line, I don’t see how it can’t. unless there’s not a good airport nearby.

      • Yr. Gma

        Closest airport is probably Vegas, but there are some small regional airstrips here and there across the California desert. It could also profit from the Route 66 touristic traffic that goes through the area south of there. That is a big European vacation thing.

        • mancityRed6

          having lived within a couple of blocks from where the “historic Route 66” passed through Joplin, I can honestly say I can’t understand.

          • Yr. Gma

            I know. I currently live about 5 ish miles from it. But for some reason, Europeans (especially Germans) like to come to the US and drive Route 66 (what’s left of it.) There are businesses along the way who cater to them, especially in Barstow, CA.

          • mancityRed6

            when the UK ex and I first got to Kansas (back for me), she was kinda disappointed that it wasn’t more “little house on the prairie” like.
            yeah.

        • redarmyzombie

          See the desert, grab some pot, make way to the coast and head to Panther Beach; that there’s a good time…

    • TJ Barke

      Where exactly are they planning on getting the water for this weed?

      • Courser_Resistance

        From the article, apparently it sits on top of a nice aquifer. Also too, they’re looking at doing more of a touristy, edible shops kinda thing than growing huge amounts of weed. But who knows?

      • redarmyzombie

        A good question for all our farms, considering most of them are in a fucking desert…

        (mind you, they live out in the fucking desert and whine about the government causing a drought…)

      • Yr. Gma

        Out of the tap. Duh. The Colorado River isn’t drying up for no reason.

  • I finally finished uploading and editing about 6 months of film rolls. YES I STILL SHOOT FILM EVEN THOUGH YOU CAN’T SNAPCHAT IT GET OFF MY LAWN. Here is a photo of a creepy abandoned lighthouse, which I took with a decrepit old Soviet-made camera. I live in southwest Louisiana, so basically every photo I shoot looks like a cut still from the first season of True Detective. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/352617f5e6d7f74d9af73c0a91a52db26b49e6886f676a30795af63c43bf9eab.jpg

  • marxalot

    Oh my god can I go home yet.
    The girl who was breaking up with me? She doesn’t seem to be done breaking up with me. We obviously don’t want the same things or have the same goals in the next two years, so it makes sense to end the relationship part now and slide back to being friends. I have admitted a lot of fault– and I won’t go into it, but basically I was keeping her at arm’s length and that’s on me. So I’m okay with us de-escalating. But I don’t know why she’s dragging this out on me. Either we can be friends still or we can’t; either she wants to or she doesn’t. Except apparently what she really wants isn’t what she’s been saying she wants (which, fuck, I dunno, maybe she’s trying to tell me what she thinks I want to hear?), and she’s wearing me out. Which is one reason I wanted out of this relationship-as-relationship in the first place.
    I have to stop falling into bed with rebounding straight girls. Kill me.

    • Covfefe

      I kill you with votes.

      • redarmyzombie

        Soft, cuddly votes.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      I’m sorry Marx. Gay guys are lucky in that regard, I imagine – I somehow doubt that many rebounding straight guys just sorta dabble in the gay.

      • redarmyzombie

        Believe me, I wish they did.

        • Lance Thrustwell

          Ha!

      • marxalot

        From what my gay male friends tell me, they’re more likely to sorta swerve into the gay lane for an awkward blowjob and then never making eye contact again, but that was college.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Can’t kill ya, still need ya.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Chicks, amirite?

    • mancityRed6

      the thing I miss most about my ex?
      she has my whiskey stones. they would really be handy today.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      Aw man, that sucks. My last serious boyfriend and I broke up and he spent the better part of the next year trying to get me to stay “friends”. Translation: He wasn’t willing to put any work into the relationship even though he asked me to move in with him, but he still wanted to get his dick wet on the regular.
      Shit’s exhausting. Hang in there, and don’t be afraid to set healthy boundaries and stick to them.

      • marxalot

        I have admitted that I wasn’t pulling my weight in the relationship (lotsa reasons, including long distance, but that’s on me) and since that’s not fair to her, and what we want out of this doesn’t align in the long-term, I agree with her that this is us breaking up. I would prefer to stay friends, because she’s fun, she’s cool, I like talking to her, I just don’t have the emotional energy to be a good partner and I’m not sure I wanna move in together after this job. But man she’s not making this easy. Probably because she was more invested in the relationship than I was, which is another reason to end it, because leading her on would also be shitty. She says she doesn’t want to just cease contact, though, so I dunno.

        • alpacapunchbowl

          Yeah, now I really think you’re going to have to be the one to set boundaries. You’re trying to do the right thing, and that’s really commendable!
          Ceasing contact doesn’t have to be forever. I have always found it key to take at least a month or two after a breakup to process, get my head clear. But I have pretty serious codependency issues (thanks mom and dad!) so that space is crucial for me. YMMV.

          • marxalot

            She’s doing that thing where you retroactively question the entire relationship from beginning to end and feel lied to and ripped off; I’ve been there. It takes time to get through that. But she doesn’t seem to be taking “I’m sorry, things changed, I can’t do this” as an answer. It’s like she wants me to say “oh, no, we were never dating, we were just fuck buddies and I let you believe what you wanted so I could screw you on the weekends,” which is not what I was doing! Turns out, I’m bad a long distance and it’s wearing me out! That’s it!

          • alpacapunchbowl

            Yeah, I’ve been there too. I think it’s a not-uncommon and within reason, an understandable reaction in the wake of a breakup.
            It’s not healthy though and it’s self-defeating. I mean, if your instincts are correct and she does want you to “admit” that, what comes next? Does she want to continue having a relationship with someone who would treat her like that?
            I’m sorry, it sounds like a difficult situation with very little chance of an outcome that’d be particularly great. I wish you the best. And granted I’m only getting your side of the story, but it really does sound like she’s someone you care about and are trying to do right by. Stay strong and remember you’re a GOOD person.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Maybe time to hit her with the old job interview question: “Where do you see yourself in ten years?”

      • marxalot

        That’s basically what she did to me (okay, two years), and it is based on my long, ominious pause that we are having these conversations. Which, yeah, fair. Just– she’s the one who said that I was breaking up with her. She doesn’t seem interested in being broken up, though, as much as dragging us both back through my inability to be emotionally present and the fact that things change.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Ah… burden’s on you to set her straight, then. Which sucks, yeah. Telling people what (you think) they want to hear is a well-traveled highway to hell. Be honest, and you’ll both be OK.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      my mother once called a gf an emotional vampire – sounds about right.

    • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

      okay, speaking as the GF in many, many relationships– it never worked to try to be “just friends”. we would try, but we ALWAYS ended up having to cut off ALL contact, sometimes for years.
      And, yes, it sucked, and yes, it was always painful and sad, but it was like ripping off that bandaid instead of slowly, agonizingly pulling it off.
      It sounds like you might have to be the hard-ass here (I rarely was, and looking back, I appreciate that my ex-bfs did the right thing, even though I was furious & hurt at the time).
      all that heartbreak taught me things about myself, and prepared me to meet “the one,” who I married & eventually buried, and I regret nothing now.

  • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

    That Angela Merkel picture totally makes me think about Kate McKinnon’s bit on SNL. It’s so cute!

  • DainBramage

    Jeez! I keep forgetting that Barack is only a month older than I am.

    • Cliff Hendroval

      It’s worse for me…there is now an ex-president who is slightly younger than I am.

      • DainBramage
        • bupkus231

          HEY! Fuck you and get off my lawn!

          • therblig

            and their music – it’s just noise!

          • DainBramage

            OK, grandpa.

          • rob black

            The first President my age turns out to be the greatest President of my lifetime. Thus confirming my long held suspicion that 61 was the greatest year.

          • DainBramage

            Truth! 1961 was the greatest year for babies.

          • rob black

            IKR?
            – Barry B., George Cloony, Eddie Murphy, Wayne Gretsky, Woody Harrelson, Princess Dianna, Meg Ryan, Rickey Gervais, Julia Louise Dreyfus, Peter Jackson, Forrest Whitiker, Laurence Fishburne………

    • rob black

      Me too!

    • Three Finger Salute

      Fun fact, Malia was born on 4th of July 1998. Take that birthers, Obama’s daughter shares a birthday with AMERICA!!!!

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/f814146bc0e48c1a1484e6afc9959aaa44f8c6a111f31954bd058307885d5dfd.jpg

      • marxalot

        And me!

  • jaspersdad
  • kaydenpat

    I am Angela Merkel in that photo. “Squeeeee!!”

  • Three Finger Salute
  • aureolaborealis

    Hard to believe he’s only 14 years younger than the Ochre Ogre.

  • cmd resistor
    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      I AM DEAD NOW FROM THIS PICTURE

    • jowgajen

      Dog doesn’t look very impressed, lol.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        Still gloating though.

  • Lyly Sirivong

    Happy birthday Barack ! Are you sure you don’t want to come back ? Please…

    http://68.media.tumblr.com/b8f2f460cb56dc64ec2c383d2309f812/tumblr_nue5xwMP391r0xw5zo2_540.gif

  • Biel_ze_Bubba
    • Thiazin Red

      The pee is a nice touch.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Anybody hers speak enough British to tell us what the teacups are all about?

        • snigsy

          The redcoats are coming?

    • Three Finger Salute

      Styx? Nah, they already issued a warning to the type of person who votes Trump.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AtzIWPeun7c

    • snigsy

      I like the glow-in-the-dark teeth veneers, even Ewic’s.

  • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution
  • jesterpunk
    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Trumpanzees actually manage to believe it’s true. They’re a remarkable species.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    The Obama playing Operation pic must drive Paul Ayn Rand and Yertle McCrockfucker craycray.

  • BadKitty904

    It’s still kinda stormy (Thanks, Emily!), so we’re going to stay in and have a Movie Night. I’m fixing curried shrimp and tonight’s feature will be Valley of the Gwangi, ‘cause what could be cooler than cowboys fighting a tyrannosaurus in a burning cathedral in 1890’s Mexico City?

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2a59affe7cc1f56e254f3b25abb90984a61779b6718c84aa5a9aeba4311809d8.jpg

    • Skeptical_thinker

      I loves me some cheezy monster flix.

      • BadKitty904

        This one has extra cheese!

    • RobKanC

      Is Jesus riding the T-Rex in this movie?

    • TJ Barke

      They just need some Sharps rifles.

      • BadKitty904

        Say, is that a new pic, bub?

        • TJ Barke

          Mmmhmm.

          • BadKitty904

            Good man.

          • TJ Barke

            Summertime, so sunglasses feel right.

          • BadKitty904

            Very “Hunter S. Thompson”…

          • TJ Barke

            Is that a balding joke?

          • BadKitty904

            Um, no. It hadn’t occurred to me that either you or Uncle Duke were balding. It was a ref to his habit of wearing sunglasses 24/7.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      That looks amazing!
      Also, curried shrimp, om nom nom.

      • BadKitty904

        Purest late-60s cheese, with James Franciscus, no less!

    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      My husband calls that “The Valley of Guano”.

  • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution
  • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution
  • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution
  • chascates
    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      He probably just ordered all of them to praise him (what else would he try to post?) so no loss.

  • BrendaKay

    Yippee! Lots of photos of better days… Discus hates me and won’t let me add a photo, but I’m loving everyone else’s submissions.

  • Higgs Boson

    I am once again reminded (and more than a little jealous) of this ineffable quality that Obama has, in that even when he takes a picture that’s kinda goofy, he still looks totes cool doing it.

    I really miss him…

    • Three Finger Salute

      This one isn’t exactly goofy, but that’s a helluva quality he’s got there.

      https://obamawhitehouse.archives.gov/sites/default/files/image/behind_the_lens/50countries_25.jpg

      • Courser_Resistance

        That will be an iconic photo forever. We thought we’d weathered the storm, but no. And even bigger hurricane named Donald is sweeping through.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          That would be such a cool official portrait. And Il Douche would have to look at it every day.
          I wonder how we make this happen…

    • mancityRed6
      • Courser_Resistance

        I think that’s what’s made him so adored. He had an accessible quality – he was frequently shown doing the same things we all do, particularly when it came to family. He treated staff like extended family; most of those kids and babbies you saw were mostly from staffers, low and high.

        In those shots, he’s clearly a family man. And he never, ever took himself too seriously. Frequently making jokes about himself and his family always kept him human. In fact, I think he may have been the first ‘human’ president since maybe Clinton. Bill was fun at times, too.

        • mancityRed6

          Bill had his jogging to McD’s thing. and the childhood, the Rhodes scholar intellect, and his “aww, shucks” demeanor.
          Obama had the brains, the job, the body, the wife, and the upbringing, and he didn’t let it get too much for him.

        • Raan

          A great philosopher once said, “Don’t take life too seriously, you’ll never make it out alive.”

          • Doug Langley

            In Pogo, one character said “Don’t take life serious. It ain’t nohow permanent.”

    • Courser_Resistance

      He was like a rock star and 007 all wrapped up into one package. Hell, he still is! He defines cool and elegant.

  • Three Finger Salute
    • redarmyzombie
      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Only a billion times classier than the pardons Donny Two-Scoops will be handing out.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      These are videos and photographs of a man who is confident in himself. And that confidence shines and washes over everyone near him. It’s a rare gift, and we had that in our President.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        I hope Michelle takes really, really good care of him, IYKWIMAITYD.

  • The Librarian
    • RobKanC

      I smell mass un-followings coming.. Besides, the bots haven’t voted yet, when they do, he will win by 300% of the votes.

      • The Librarian

        True, there’s a lot of time left, but I’m enjoying it while it lasts.

    • Raan
      • House0fTheBlueLights

        Looks like it’s been taken down?

      • Incoming Ham

        How can you not be sure?

        • Raan

          If you’re so drunk you missed “no”.

          Or if you’re just a cat playing with the mouse.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          He’ll count that as a yes, because it’s not “no”.
          And in the end he’ll lie, and claim that “Everybody says I’m doing a great job. Terrific. Believe me, people are so impressed.”

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Almost makes me want to open a Twatter account.
      Almost.

  • jaspersdad

    Looks like a job for baconzgood.

    “Nova Scotia farmer offers bacon for tips leading to thief or stolen tools”

    http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/nova-scotia/melvin-burns-moo-nay-farm-bacon-reward-work-thief-1.4234816

  • DainBramage

    Beer and Obama. Two pillars of greatness that are great together.
    https://twitter.com/BrewStuds/status/893475513175609344

    • Jennifer R

      Didn’t several of the presidents make hard alcohol there?

    • hendenburg2

      So here is a fun little anecdote that I love to tell:

      I started homebrewing in college in January of 2011, as a way of cutting down on the amount of money I spent on beer.

      Later in that semester, one of my cousins moves back to town after getting done with a White House internship. Growing up, he always liked to make things, so I figure I’ll show him how. He picks it up as a hobby and we make a few batches together.

      In the summer of 2011, he returns to the White House as a paid staffer in charge of the interns in his old department.

      A few months later, news hits that the Obamas were home brewing, and “several staffers” were credited with giving them the idea.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        does it save money on beer? Cause i seriously have been considering getting a keg and tap put in.

        • hendenburg2

          If you’re buying brewery kegs though a place like BevMo, it can be a wash.

          However, if you are brewing your own, I’d say to expect to spend about $55-60 per 5-gallon (about 50-55 12 oz bottles) batch, including the cost of sanitizing chemicals, but not including the cost of equipment. So you do save some money, given that you generally don’t find a 6-pack of good beer for less than $9

          • bupkus231

            “…a 6-pack of good beer for less than $9”

            I always knew that I settled for shit beer, but…

  • ltmcdies

    Try this again… a nice tidbit on Obama and his Secret Service detail

    https://twitter.com/_tatvamasi/status/893306038467874817

    Contrast and compare with Donnie Dumbass fighting with Secret Service
    over rental charges at Trump Tower

    • jesterpunk

      Damn thats awesome, haven’t heard that story before about them.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        me either.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Lovely!

    • Cosmopolitan John

      What a mensch.

    • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

      okay, I’m truly in tears now….

    • CeeQ

      So smart. Much brain. So winning.
      Piss off the guys who are there to protect you by trying to fleece them. Brilliant.

    • CeeQ

      Remember when we had a decent human man as president? Now we have a puddle piss and vinegar in human form with legs. And a long ass red tie.

    • hudson srinivasan

      you know what, mark of a truly great man is when others reminisce great things about him.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Prolly been said elventeen times, but … His wife.

  • Lyly Sirivong

    Don’t forget this classic :
    https://youtu.be/uqhzWlqN3uc

  • mancityRed6
    • RobKanC

      Why you guys making me cry by reminding me a pig resides in the white house now

      • mancityRed6

        think of it like a long, steep hill to climb. it will take work,hard work to get to the top. but, if everything goes the way it should, he’ll probably get a cabinet position or at the least invited back to the WH to do more good.
        it’s not over yet.

        • Raan

          Long hard work, and climbing gear.

          • redarmyzombie

            And a big-ass bottle of whiskey…

    • hudson srinivasan

      clearly not impressed.

  • chascates
  • Joe Beese

    It appears that Mueller’s after it all—the alleged financial shenanigans that pre-date last November’s election, the slow-dancing with Russian oligarchs, the infusions of cash from the banks of the Volga that kept the Trump Organization in business, the overpayment by Russians for condos owned by the Trump Organization—everything, as the great Lennie Briscoe once said to a Russian mob kingpin, right down to the rubber in your wallet. He is not afraid and he is not going away.

    There is no possible way that this White House is D’d up for the Category Five shitstorm that’s coming over the next six months to a year. Right now, there’s no indication that anyone there has any grasp at all about how anything in Washington works, let alone how to handle the magnitude of what’s rolling up the driveway of the West Wing.

    http://www.esquire.com/news-politics/politics/news/a56839/mueller-trump-finances-russia/

    • Raan

      It’s gonna be fun.

    • biologydave

      Maybe a naive question, but will the grand jury have access to the tax records?

      • jowgajen

        Can be subpoenaed with probable cause like any other record.

        • Dazza

          And Trump would not be notified.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Fuuuuucckk Yyyyeeessssss

    • “Popcorn! Get yer popcorn here!”

    • Jukesgrrl

      Wish I could give you an extra upvote for the Lennie Briscoe reference!

      • snigsy

        I miss Jerry Orbach (too).

  • BetsyBleedingheart

    This year on my birthday I drank for 12 hours and spent an unreasonable amount of money buying used books on Amazon. A++ would do again. I hope Bamz gets to drink and shop too.

    • That’s what I do on my birthday! EBay tho.

      • Three Finger Salute

        I wish I had money at all. And didn’t live at home, where if I did order Audacity of Hope or Common Ground, I’d be outed as a godforsaken liberal and there’d be hell to pay. Whole family doesn’t like Obama or Trudeau. Trump not so much either, because his personal demeanor, foul language, and atrocious behavior, but is willing to ignore it because hey, at least the GOP is/was going to get rid of Obamacare socialized medicine death panels (like Britain has, that killed that baby), remove subsidies from sluts and AIDS patients, and make potheads quit smoking pot, grow up, and get a real job.

        Canada, meanwhile, they think is full of gullible, naive idiots who are too nice to the “wrong people” (Syrian refugees who are going to cause terrorism like they do in Europe), and they don’t like Trudeau because 1) he’s French, 2) he’s French, 3) he’s “a dumb college kid,” (of 45 years old?), and 4) AOT,K. In situations like this, I really do say thank dog for the free e-book marketplace in Sweden…

  • jaspersdad
  • Maclare, Local Milk Person 🍼
    • Three Finger Salute

      They probably will issue some pretentious review of PB&J at some point.

    • Doug Langley

      Tomorrow: canned clams!

  • Johnatx

    God, I miss President Obama.

  • bupkus231

    gawd ( first world problems ] – I hate it when I’m here when the OT thread first opens up, and i STILL can;t keep up with it!

  • snigsy

    Sigh. I miss Obama. I really miss his decency, intelligence, grace . . .

    • Raan

      His ability to speak in coherent sentences…

      • mancityRed6

        his wife that would actually hold his hand?

      • ltmcdies

        his lack of twittering….honestly one could go days without one tweet. and when you got a tweet…IT MADE SENSE

        • Courser_Resistance

          Because it was rare, I treasured them!!!

  • Serai 1
    • ltmcdies

      Ok I feel like crying now and I’m not even American…

    • Courser_Resistance

      I hadn’t seen that before and now… it’s kinda bizarre. Makes me feel… weird.

  • JustDon’tSayDignity
  • jesterpunk

    Damn, who is cutting onions in here?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GOWS96ImOZA

  • JoeChristmas

    Can’t wait to see the Swindler IC’s Speedo on the beach shots.

    • Vicki Lawrence’s Covfefe

      Well, there goes my sperm count.

    • Courser_Resistance

      No, please NOOOOOOOooooooo!

  • Nodrama4mama
    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Donnie Two Scoops: “I’ll write a note. Is your teacher hot? How old?”

      • Amy!

        “Well, yes, mister preznit, sir, he is pretty hot. But I don’t think he’d like you; you’re too old and frumpy looking for him.”

    • bookish

      Gets me all misty eyed for Bamz.

  • memzilla Ω

    Connecting Russian oligarch munniez to six other top Rethuglicans’ campaigns.

    “Donald Trump and the political action committees for Mitch McConnell, Marco Rubio, Scott Walker, Lindsey Graham, John Kasich and John McCain accepted $7.35 million in contributions from a Ukrainian-born oligarch who is the business partner of two of Russian president Vladimir Putin’s favorite oligarchs and a Russian government bank.”

    And with two Federal grand juries a-workin away, Bob Mueller gets to tug on ALL OF THE THREADS in this unraveling rotten sweater called the GOP.

    • Vicki Lawrence’s Covfefe

      Turtle soup never sounded so tasty.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Could they ensnare Florida Governor Batboy and Maine Governor Paul LePuke also too? We could clean house here …

      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        How’s about AOT, K? Too much to ask for?

        • Résistance Land Shark Ω

          Maybe former President Bamz could ask for this for his birthday?

    • Joe Beese

      Not McCain??

      He’s the maverick!

    • OutOfOrbit

      i bet there is a lot sweatin, shittin, deletin & shredin goin on in goperville right now

      • Courser_Resistance

        Heh, I’m not a forensic accountant, but it’s fucking HARD to make dirty money disappear. You took munies from the Russkis? No worries Mueller and his sniffer squad will find it.

        • OutOfOrbit

          yeah but desperat creeps take desperite efforts

    • Vincent Ricola

      Gosh golly, I am just shocked at this unexpected turn! Whoever could have dreamed that the GOP would be balls deep in dirty Russian campaign money?

      And needz moar Paul Ryan on that list.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        Amen. Walker’s on the list though, could be promising!

    • Courser_Resistance

      Hmm, looks like Miss Lindsey’s petticoats are a bit… soiled. Smells like Russian money, honey!

    • proudgrampa

      Holy crap! We may have to ship all these people to Australia or something!

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        But will the Australian milk people want anything to do with them?

        • proudgrampa

          Prolly not. But maybe we can make a deal! The best deal.

      • Dazza

        If they come by boat, we can intern the in hellhole offshore detention camps, at taxpayer expense.

        • CeeQ

          Ding ding ding

      • CeeQ

        Darling no. Fuck no.
        Unless you’re willing to ship them by boat 😃😃
        We have a SPECIAL PLACE just for people who come to us by boat.
        😬😬

    • Doug Langley

      This is making Watergate look like a pillow fight!!

  • The Librarian

    Evan, I can’t upvote you enough for “President Fuck-Bonkers”. Will moneyz do?

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      That Evan sur do write purty like!

    • Jukesgrrl

      Moniez are always a good idea. Evan’s dog and our Wonkette babby need to eat.

      • The Librarian

        Done!!

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      Someone on the radio referred to Trump as “Orange Fart Cloud”.

      That could be his tribal name!

      • The Librarian

        It certainly fits!

        • H0mer0

          but “the orange fart” is what my S.O. calls my ginger tabby.
          Fat Freddy Scat was an orange cat and some readers thought his beautiful fluffy tail looked like a stink cloud, thereby libeling two cats.

          • The Librarian

            I would never mean to libel any orange kitty, especially one so named!!!!

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • jesterpunk
      • RobKanC

        Huh.. Should someone tell him that’s not a good thing?

        • bupkus231

          Check the date.

          Then check the claims from the WH about this months job report…

          • RobKanC

            Ugh.. My bad.. But again, you never know what he will say.

      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        Inventory goes in, inventory goes out, who can explain it?

      • Erala Contratista

        You went to Bschool, fool.

        • jesterpunk

          Hint, check the date. Its when Bamz was president and Trump claimed the job numbers where all fake The name numbers he now claims are accurate since he is PeeOTUS.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Um…wha?

        • jesterpunk

          Look at the date, its one of those times when Bamz was president and he claimed the good job numbers where fake. He claimed real unemployment was near 50%. The second he was sworn in those numbers where real and all because of him.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            It’s the “Walmart has just cut orders with suppliers because of rising inventory” part that caused my reaction. I mean, isn’t that what you do when you can’t move product?

    • Moebym Reborn

      This level of incompetence just HAS to be an act. There’s no way they’d misspell their own damn slogan…

      • AJ Milne

        Stress takes its toll.

        I figure in a few more days they’ll be typoing ‘Trump’.

        • proudgrampa

          ‘Thump.’

          • alpacapunchbowl

            “Twat.”

          • proudgrampa

            Thank you, alpaca! You made my day!

          • alpacapunchbowl

            My pleasure gramps!

    • therblig

      who’s the lucky american?

      • TJ Barke

        The owner of some company.

        • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

          Good new pic, TJ. Edgy in a good way.

          • Martini Ambassador 🍸

            Yeah, I like it!

          • TJ Barke

            Edgy insofar as I’m wearing sunglasses?

          • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

            The lighting, the glasses, the beard, the expression. The pic captures your online personality. You remind me of one of my decades old BFs — someone with well-delivered poison darts of British-dry snark.

          • TJ Barke

            Thanks, I guess.

      • Me not sure

        I’m of an age where I have to take a pill to become great again.

    • Vincent Ricola

      This level of constant fucking up is almost impressive.

      • Courser_Resistance

        And they worked so fucking HARD at it!!!

    • Courser_Resistance

      Fuck that noise. He’s Made America Bake Again.

      It’s why Sessions is going apeshit over legal weed. Can’t have folks anesthetizing themselves from the horror, can we?

    • eka

      i’m not sure it was a typo. they’re trying to make trump great / rich again. an american. of course, they’re fucking that up too.

    • ltmcdies

      good lord love us …who hasn’t got spell checker in this day and age..

    • Canis Greyhame

      No, that’s correct. This whole fucking thing has always been about glorifying one single American (specifically his ego and bank account.)

  • Serai 1
    • Lyly Sirivong

      Oh I’ve been to that restaurant ! They make a big deal of being the one where Obama had lunch but it’s actually only average.

      • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

        Why am I suddenly hungry for banh xèo?

        • proudgrampa

          I want some Pho and I want it right now!

      • Courser_Resistance

        That’s pretty much what Bamz wanted. Average, not fancy or special.

        • Lyly Sirivong

          Oh there are loads of non fancy places that serve excellent food for just a few bucks. The best meal I’ve ever had in Vietnam was a restaurant that only served brochettes. We sat in small plastic chairs and had toilet paper as napkins. We paid like $8 each, drinks included. But the food was amazing.
          The restaurant Obama went is indeed not fancy but it’s also the kind of place that just makes you go “yeah it was alright… But I’ve definitely had better phở”

    • Courser_Resistance

      That’s one of the only Anthony Bourdain shows I watched, but it was awesome. then again, when isn’t he? I guess the SS was pretty freaked out.

  • I’m positive somebody else already mentioned this, but Kenneth Starr absolutely destroyed the concept of history today.
    http://www.cnn.com/2017/08/04/politics/ken-starr-clinton-whitewater/index.html

    • Me not sure

      Wow! Not only did Starr show no signs of recognizing his own place in American history, but Chris Cilizza actually took hammer in hand and hit a nail with it!

      • It’s unbelievable that someone can be SO oblivious that Cilizza can see it. Delightful.

        • Me not sure

          And nary a “both side do it” in the piece!

          • Bothsidery. The BANE of political discourse, masquerading as adult debate.

          • Me not sure

            Cilizza might or might not be the master of that…or is he?

    • Raan

      That’s, uh…That’s some serious cognitive dissonance.

    • proudgrampa

      Ken Starr, FUCK YOU and the horse you rode in on.

      Asshole.

      • Right? There’s a guy I wouldn’t Trump Pee Tape on if he was on fire. He couldn’t even keep Baylor clean, and they outlawed dancing like the town from Footloose.

  • snigsy

    Okay, after looking at those photos I’m now awash with nostalgia and suddenly feel old, like I once lived in a reality that has been irretrievably lost.

    So I think I’ll go to the liquor store. Can I pick something up for anyone?

    • HazooToo

      The entire store.

    • Me not sure

      Pee hooker?

    • Cosmopolitan John

      Gall and woodworm for me, thanks.

      • Longstreet63

        Rocks?

    • OutOfOrbit

      1 Black Pill plz…if they got’em

    • proudgrampa

      Grey Goose. The GIANT bottle. I’ll pay you back! ;-)

      • Lord Jim

        Checked out their website and ogled the recipes for Le Grand Fizz. Yum.

    • AJ Milne

      Not lost forever. That’s your nation, too. That was reality, not a dream. That’s what you should expect, again. Don’t let the grifting asshole reset normal.

      (Still, I’ll take whatever they’ve got in straight grain alcohol, thanks.)

      • proudgrampa

        “…and distilled rainwater.”

    • mancityRed6

      johnny walker blue?
      ok, highland park, 12 year.

    • Incoming Ham

      Botanist gin please.

      • mancityRed6

        try the Plymouth gin if you can and haven’t.

        • Incoming Ham

          I will. I use Boodles for things like Aviations. If I am having something in which the gin is more prominent I will have a more tasty one.

          • mancityRed6

            “Plymouth Gin was very popular in the first part of the 20th century. 23 gin based cocktail recipes in the Savoy book of cocktails name Plymouth Gin specifically. It was a tradition in the Royal Navy that all newly commissioned vessels receive a “Plymouth Gin Commissioning kit”, a wooden box containing two bottles of navy strength Plymouth gin and glassware.”

            also:
            “It is different and slightly less dry than the much more common London style of gin, purportedly due to a higher than usual proportion of root ingredients, which bring a more ‘earthy’ feel to the gin as well as a softened juniper flavour. There is also a ‘navy strength’ variety which is 57% ABV (100° English proof), being the traditional strength demanded by the British Royal Navy.”

            https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plymouth_Gin
            https://i.ytimg.com/vi/GD6qtc2_AQA/maxresdefault.jpg

          • Incoming Ham

            Plymouth, Genever seem to be the two ginny Savoy mainstays.

    • NorthernSaber

      Always liked the aroma of “Makers Mark”- piano guy used to drink it at gigs. That stuff any good?

      • mancityRed6

        it was a little better than Bulleit, but barely. both are good for bourbon.

        • proudgrampa

          Yup. Bourbon is…well, bourbon.

        • NorthernSaber

          Years ago I discovered Mint Julips in N’awlins- at “Pat O’Brians”, maybe. Those are bourbon if memory serves- yes?
          (Sorry- played in lots of bars, but not much of an authority on what they serve… )

          • mancityRed6

            oh, no. straight up. maybe on the rocks.
            the ex had a big bottle of Makers when we first met. the first date ended 12 hours after it began with the help of sipping it from shot glasses.

    • Holly

      How much money do you have? This list is quite long.

    • Raan

      Their biggest, strongest, cheapest bottle.

    • eka

      this would be a genius time for them to start delivering.

    • mancityRed6

      6 pack of PBR tall boys and anything bottled in bond?

    • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

      A few gallons of Everclear, please

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    Awww! I miss these two taking care of business
    https://twitter.com/JoeBiden/status/893478138822479872

  • Holly

    Scrolling through the pictures of the most intelligent, funniest, sexxxxiest, most handsomest president EVER was like taking a bullet to the heart. Then the GSW is constantly being rubbed with salt and lemon because this man/baby asshole somehow happened and we can’t make the excruciating pain stop.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/9a4567c78facb7c97548946ca79efb486a481510512a4d249e18f34b38f77eab.jpg

    • OutOfOrbit

      felt like viewing a eulogy

      • Holly

        That’s exactly right.

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      Ugh! If I wanted to look at pictures of puckered sphincters, I’d haul out my wife’s gross anatomy book.

      • Me not sure

        Until I got to the second line I wasn’t sure where you were going with that.

      • Holly

        Under puckered sphincters in her gross anatomy book there’s a picture of Trumps mouth . No, really! Would I lie?

    • Canis Greyhame

      I’m pretty sure the bloated weakling made a deal with The Devil, only instead of delivering just his own worthless soul in exchange for fame and riches, he’s promised to hand over about 70 million Americans.

  • Raan

    I finally got around to writing my weekly reminder to Rubio.

    “Remember last week, when you tried (and failed) to take away healthcare from poor people, who most likely would have died or gone bankrupt in the proposed system?

    I ain’t forgotten.

    Five years, three months, five days.

    Or less, depending on what Mueller finds with that Russian oligarch who donated to your ​campaign.”

    • jesterpunk

      Get it printed on bottles of water and send it to him. He might see it then.

    • Bec Jenn

      Want to send something like this to Jeff Flake.

  • OBAMA’S AMERICA: FINALE ULTIMO

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HmOhwkVFFQM

  • Daniel Hooper

    Sigh; couldn’t even catch up on the nightly Trump lowlights on the late night shows because my co-worker decided to mistake her contact lens solution for hydrogen peroxide and dumped it into her eye. Had to work on my day off to cover her, and she’s supposed to cover my shift tomorrow in exchange. Judging by the picture she just took of said eye, that’s questionable as well. And I’m supposed to be on vacation next week, but I wouldn’t be surprised to have my boss beg me to postpone it since we’ll never get coverage on such short notice. FML…

    • jesterpunk

      Step 1 Turn off phone

      Step 2 go on vacation

      Step 3 When you get back “Sorry boss I went somewhere with really bad cell service and didn’t see your calls until I got back”

      • Daniel Hooper

        Solid plan, except I’ve already refused to give out my cell number(to avoid the drama of co-workers) and she’ll just bug me at home.

        • jesterpunk

          Even better, just don’t answer the door. Vacation time means not worrying about work and if they are short the company should plan better and hire more people. In other words its Someone Else’s Problem, enjoy your vacation.

  • jesterpunk

    The NRA seems nice… And also a little kinky.

    https://www.rawstory.com/2017/08/were-coming-for-you-nra-promises-to-fist-the-new-york-times-in-absurd-propaganda-video/

    The National Rifle Association on Thursday released a new video featuring spokeswoman Dana Loesch appears to threaten to “fist” the New York Times.

    Yep, fist.

    “We the people have had it,” Loesch (presumably speaking for some people somewhere) says in the video. “We’ve had it with your narratives, your propaganda, your fakes news,” she continues, in a video created with the sole objective to push the NRA’s agenda.

    “We’ve had it with your constant protection of Democrat overlords,” Loesch, who used to be a Democrat, adds. “Your refusal to accept any truth that upsets the fragile construct that you believe is real life. And we’ve had it with your pretentious assertion that you are in any way truth or fact-based journalism.”

    “We’re going to fist the New York Times and find out just what ‘deep, rich’ means to this old hag,” she promises.

    “In short, we’re coming for you,” Loesch concludes.

    • Joe Beese

      They’re claiming she says “fisk”. Though the use of the hashtag #ClenchedFistOfTruth suggests they wouldn’t be too upset by anyone mishearing it.

      • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

        But fisk is not a word.

        • Jamoche

          Unless we want to adjectivize this guy’s name:

          Fisk, James |fisk|

          (1834–72), US financier; known as Big Jim. He made his fortune in the stock manipulation that ruined the Erie Railroad, and with Jay Gould he engineered events that involved the US treasury in the scandalous Black Friday attempt to corner the gold market in 1869.

          Donnie’s a fisker for sure.

        • NorthernSaber

          Yep- means “fish” in Swedish. (The critter, not the act of getting it.) Also too, the name of Boston’s greatest ever catcher…

      • TJ Barke

        Saying fisk makes it completely nonsensical…

        • Joe Beese

          No, it makes sense, actually.

          The term refers to Robert Fisk, a journalist who wrote some rather foolish anti-war stuff, and who in particular wrote a story in which he (1) recounted how he was beaten by some anti-American Afghan refugees, and (2) thought they were morally right for doing so. Hence many pro-war blogs — most famously, InstaPundit — often use the term “Fisking” figuratively to mean a thorough and forceful verbal beating of an anti-war, possibly anti-American, commentator who has richly earned this figurative beating through his words

          http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=fisk

          • TJ Barke

            Fer fuck’s sake…

    • Raan

      This bitch gon’ get people killed.

      • jesterpunk

        Yep then they will just use that to sell more guns.

      • Joe Beese

        She’s eating Ann Coulter’s lunch.

        And Ann needs the nourishment.

        • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

          Perhaps also, too, Ann’s lunch box. That has destroyed many souls.

          • Me not sure

            “🎶Matchmaker, matchmaker make me a match,
            Find me a find, fist me a snatch..🎵”
            “Diddler on the Roof”

    • TJ Barke

      These people are complete fucking lunatics.

    • mancityRed6

      “used to be a Democrat”
      I guess the NRA pays better?

      • jesterpunk

        I really don’t think she was ever a Democrat.

    • TJ Barke

      Guess what, bitch, not every armed American is a boot licking fascist.

      • jesterpunk

        I know quite a few people who used to be in the military that hate the NRA because of their stupid ass thing about how training is bad and “gun owners are better trained then the military” bullshit.

        • shivaskeeper

          Here is one of those people.

        • TJ Barke

          I hate them because they are fucking bullshit. They don’t care about freedom, they don’t care about self defense, they don’t have real principles. Their one guiding directive is sell dangerous weapons to everyone that can buy one. No matter how reasonable the restriction, or even cautionary intent, if it potentially slows gun sales they are against it. They are fucking garbage, and their paranoid lunatic supporters are going to be the vanguard of a fascist junta.

          • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

            They need to expand their market. They are trying to sell mohr guns to the same shrinking demographic. If they could sell each half of the country guns to make war on the other half, theyd consider that to be a win-win.

          • TJ Barke

            I don’t advocate stealing guns [steal guns]

    • TootsStansbury

      Cool, they’re trying to make us libs go buy guns. I’ve actually been thinking about taking up archery because Zen and well, I’m an asshole like that.

    • Me not sure
    • shivaskeeper

      But that’s not a threat right?

    • La forza del resistino

      the National Enquirer will provide play by play fist by fist commentary.

      • Three Finger Salute

        No, probably TMZ.

        or BOT,K

    • Serai 1

      Ugh, they’re such perverts.

      • jesterpunk

        IKR?

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      And this has what to do with guns? Plus the NYT isn’t exactly a liberal rag. It’s just a name the goobers recognize.

      • jesterpunk

        The NY Times said bad things about the NRA’s guns and hurt the snowflakes feelings.

  • WomanInThePersistence

    Is it wrong to celebrate his birthday by weeping quietly into a lace handkerchief?

    • TootsStansbury

      I’m sobbing noisily into my shirt.

    • Maclare, Local Milk Person 🍼
    • shivaskeeper

      Yes. Ask yourself if Pres Obama would rather you cry or gird your loins for the fight.

      Would he want you sad or squaring you shoulders with your head up getting ready to face what comes next.

      I’m pretty sure I know which ones he would go for.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        Shiva, have I mentioned recently how much I appreciate you? Thanks.

        • shivaskeeper

          You’re welcome.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      No. Though where did you find a lace handkerchief?

    • La forza del resistino

      Not wrong. But how Cosmopolitan elite of you to possess anything lace. :) :)

  • La forza del resistino

    A week after slamming Donald over transgender ban, Caitlyn dons her MAGA cap. I have zero fucks for what thoughts rattle around in her head under that cap, but only a globalist would go MAGA in a bugeye Sprite. Get a p/u truck Caitlyn.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/4fa640e7b1d7d6fda8be90a0d487c4c38d9f02ad6b5734148ac8dae0f48cbc14.jpg

    • Me not sure

      Waste of a classic.

    • Joe Beese

      From one point of view: How better could she demonstrate that transgenders are just like everyone else than by showing that they contain Trumptards too?

      • Me not sure

        There are always some who just don’t care about anyone else as long as they are fine.

    • Raan
    • mancityRed6

      does she not know, or does she not care?

      • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

        Why not both.

      • La forza del resistino

        to be charitable maybe the family confiscated all her Kardashian caps from her closet and that one is all that was left.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Best “I got mine fuck y’all” middle finger to all of America EVER!

      Yeah, seriously, she’s trash.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Fffffffuuuuuuuuuuuu traitor you ruined the car and now you’re probably going to run over somebody else with it!

      This picture is much better. Brain bleach. Fuck Caitlyn with MAGA hats and votes.

      https://www.montrealracing.com/wp/wp-content/gallery/trudeau-mercedes-300sl/justin-trudeau-mercedes-300sl_2.JPG

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        That car hates her. That’s a rage grimace.

    • Hurray for Caityn for proving anyone, no matter their race, sexual orientation, religious creed, sexual identity, nationa origin, etc., can be a total waste of oxygen and a mean spirited, conceited asshole.

    • Yeah, I used to drive one of those. You look really brilliant when it breaks down by the side of the road.

      Inside tip: those things don’t lock, as you might notice, there’s no lock or even door handle on the outside.

      You just reach inside and pull the handle and open the door. 😉
      https://i.imgflip.com/1q4f23.jpg

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      Since it’s a British car, I hope it pees random mechanical fluids on her leg.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Needz cookie pic

  • TootsStansbury

    Oh. So much Bamz.

  • Jamoche

    http://www.newnownext.com/maxine-waters-the-view/08/2017/?xrs=synd_facebook_nnn

    “Reclaiming My Time” Gospel Singer Surprises Maxine Waters On “The View”

  • mancityRed6

    nothing in front of me but walking trail, trees and that’s it at this time of year. nothing even close to where a car can get to.
    but someone just drove a car down the lawn.
    I was told there’d be flashbacks, but I didn’t believe them.

  • Bad Scooter

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/7eb03508d7e59d5ef9be35c47d7c472a9b1415b41ff3b80a9ab04fb5b4b7cb0d.jpg settin’ on my porch, reading all the news that makes me GRRughFFSgah! and this was a nice article to end on. Thanks Obama! now to finish my beverage and try to forget that a shitpuppet is running our country …

    • proudgrampa

      Whatever that is, it looks nice, cool and refreshing.

      Cheers!

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      Ah, another Wonketeer on the equator.

      • La forza del resistino

        who said mama Earth was flat?

        • SDGeoff3

          Many silly people on the jeebus tubes.

      • Bad Scooter

        I’m in the great Commonwealth of Massachusetts, but drinking rum and peach juice, so close enough. Not sure why Discus tried to pour out my drink by rotating the picture. :)

      • True Fact: Someone standing still on the equator travels 24,901 miles in one day or 1037.541666666 mph.

        Someone standing still on either the North or South Pole goes almost nowhere, except for some negligible wobble, about 0 mph.

        Just say Whoa, Rice & Beans 😁
        https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/1257b7304fe0167a8aca691f19b153c34e60adde48e773d8901f015934eface5.jpg

        • Msgr_MΩment

          Someone on the pole travels 1/365.25 the Earth’s orbital circumference about the Sun.

        • SDGeoff3

          That is splendid!

      • Msgr_MΩment

        What’s the beer’s vorticity as it goes down your gullet?

        • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

          Inversely proportional to how forcefully one sucks.

    • Les Appentis De la résistance

      That’s not a porch. That’s a wall.

  • Jennifer R

    So between upgrading the depression pit to a sorrow hovel, I sat down and poked at the code for my project more. I figured out why certain fights were not loading enemies properly. Ended up being in the format conversion from my 2nd format to the 3rd format i use now. Unique enemies, which would default to slot 1 in the old format, were left without any information in the call as to which slot they should load into, then the error checking would see there was combat without any enemies to load information from and horked.

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    BTW: what was Trump’s big announcement last night?

    • The Wanderer

      The jackass governor of West Virginny switched parties.

      • The Librarian

        Which I understand he has done several times. 🙄

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      He finally had a bowel movement.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        Ironic that it happened in opioid country.

  • azeyote

    so much for white supremacy

  • Joe Beese

    Won’t you please help Make America Great Again by giving Donald Trump your money?

    https://twitter.com/yashar/status/893610891673030656

    • RobKanC

      Hey Someone’s gotta pay that legal fee

    • The Librarian

      Gack!!

      • SDGeoff3

        Sounds like he’s having a helium attack.

    • Liquid Tomato

      “I’m a billionaire. Donate now to help pay for my son’s lawyer.”

  • shivaskeeper

    Good post. Good pics.

    I lost the part of the thread where people were talking about what qualities he had that made him so cool and effortless and genuine.

    For me it was respect. He understands that respect has to go both ways and more importantly, that it has to start from the more powerful side. He respects people. And he never stopped respecting people when it wasn’t returned.

  • OrG in England

    Happy to report from the Rebellion Fest in Blackpool,UK that tRump is just as popular here as at teh Wonkette. I have heard several brand new fuck tRump songs.

    • The Librarian

      Enjoy and please share!

      • OrG in England

        MDC will be releasing a new album next month called Mein Trumpf.l got a pre-release copy!

        • The Librarian

          That’s awesome. I’ll be looking for it to hit the internet.

  • Alex Grey

    Can we return the WH keys to him for his birthday un-present?

    • eka

      at this point i think we should just invite canadians down to torch it again and rebuild from scratch. i wouldn’t wish it on him to have to live there now.

      • Three Finger Salute

        CBC: “Premier ministre, pourquoi avez-vous envoyé les «Mounties» pour brûler la Maison Blanche?”

        Justin Trudeau: “Parce que c’est 1812!”

      • Amy!

        Could we get them to wait until Trump gets back from vacation?

        Uh, with votes. Wait, he never had the votes in the first place! Shit, I’m so confused, now.

      • Alex Grey

        Canadians, good idea! Maybe we can invite Justin Trudeau to move in.

  • Jamoche

    https://consumerist.com/2017/08/04/washington-state-any-trump-administration-crackdown-on-marijuana-would-be-unacceptable/#more-10285713
    State’s Rights, baby.
    Washington State: Any Trump Administration Crackdown On Marijuana Would Be “Unacceptable”

    • Augustus

      It would be pretty ironic if the legalization of cannabis started Civil War II

      • Three Finger Salute

        The North American War. Two-front “handicap match”: U.S. vs. Canada and Mexico. Actually, not a handicap match at all because, well, we can always get high on that magic mushroom cloud in the sky.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        You can take my blunt from my cold dead hands!

      • The Regressive’ s police say, “put the joint down!”

        and the citizens defend with, “dude, don’t harsh my mellow”.

        The war to end all wars.

    • grindstone

      Predictable. State are not going to loose their fists from those sweet tax revenue dollars.

  • Truck Fump
  • Paperless Tiger

    Let’s add ‘his honesty’ to that list, because Trump is a big fat liar.

  • proudgrampa

    I love the picture where he’s playing “Operation.” Wish he’d done mine last year!

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    Gov. Matt Bevin has a, um, unique idea about Kentucky’s opioid crisis.

    Painted rocks.

    The Republican governor issued a news release Thursday that said his office will begin placing painted rocks around the state immediately to raise awareness for Kentucky’s opioid epidemic and the “Don’t Let Them Die” initiative.

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      Don’t pet the rocks.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Rock, let it.

    • Incoming Ham

      That should take care of the problem toot sweet.

    • OrG in England

      Well, since “Just Say No” was already taken.

    • NorthernSaber

      Well, some if us were discussing bourbon downthread a bit, and that stuff’s from Kentucky, right? Any chance this guy had been hitting it as this idea took shape? Would be unwise not to speculate…

    • Left Coast Tom

      State-sanctioned graffiti addresses opioid addiction and treatment…how?

    • Courser_Resistance

      And? So? Therefore?

    • YoBunnyBunny

      something something… dumb as a rock… there.

    • Les Appentis De la résistance

      Are they painting ‘Just Say No’ on them?

  • rob black

    For some reason, I hesitate to say it but….
    I spent every day for 8 years worrying about him…every fucking day.
    It may have shaved actual years off my life.
    To the point where, he could do a wing suit video off of Everest now and I would be like…..ahh…he will be okay.

    • proudgrampa

      I know exactly what you mean, rob. I worried incessantly that someone was gonna get to him. Jeez, what a nightmare!

      • rob black

        It is the only….the only good thing about him being out of there.
        I had literal nightmares about it.

    • I did the same.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Well, he got what? About 4 times as many death threats as W?

      I mean, yeah Biden was right there and would have done an admirable job. But the very concept of the first African-American President being assassinated…the country would have exploded and the riots would make Watts 1965 and Chicago 1968 look like a Sunday frolic.

      • rob black

        I am the same age as he is, and I had never seen so much hatred directed at any public figure ever.
        It forever changed the way I viewed this country…and not in a good way.

        • Three Finger Salute

          Even Bill Clinton didn’t get this much vitriol. The worst that happened was that Gore ended up being saddled with the albatross of guilt-by-association with a “philanderer” and we ended up with W. But nobody to the best of my knowledge threatened to kill him simply for being a horny jazz musician from Arkansas. Or Gore for being a boring nerd.

          Then again, the Internet wasn’t as widespread as it is now (I kind of think that Y2K should have happened and then there wouldn’t have been Facebook or Twitter), but even now, how many straight WASP male liberals are targeted for death en masse and dehumanized the way Obama was — and then Hillary. There has to be a visible-minority component in order to whip up homicidal rage. The maniacs even threaten Trudeau’s life, because even though he’s a white male liberal… they believe he is gay. And that’s justification enough in their warped minds.

      • rob black

        Think of all the celebrates and other notables that were exposed as the absolute racist douche bags they were by his election and his audacity at just being President.
        It was like turning over the nastiest rock this country had ever seen.

        • SDGeoff3

          But wait. There’s more.

          • rob black

            Oh yeah….the worms and slugs are out and proud now….after electing the biggest slug of them all.
            What a fucking nightmare.

          • Three Finger Salute

            Which is why I really don’t think the Democrats should run visible minorities as candidates for a long, long time. Not only will they not win, it’d be worse if they did — there’d be a JFK within the first 24 hours, let alone first 100 days. They’re out in the open now and they’re not afraid. They have nothing to lose and would be proud to go down fighting. The RWNJ equivalent of Islamic jihadists.

            But the racists in the DoJ are turning a willful blind eye to hate crimes and focusing only on Muslims as “terrorists” — even though the FBI itself has said that there’s a far greater danger from these sovereign militia types and alt-rightists simply due to sheer demographic numbers (far more whites in the country, period, than Muslims at all).

            I know we like to fantasize about pseudo-“shipping” potential presidential and VP pairings — Harris/Gillebrand, Warren/Franken, Booker/Patrick, etc. — but trust me, it is NOT a good idea. Not now… and maybe never again.

          • Amy!

            Fuck. That. Sideways.

            We run the best we have. We don’t give a fuck about their skin tint or (if it’s legal and moral) background. We choose the best, not the best—if they’re white and male and straight and cis and christian and rich.

            Seriously, this is absolutely the wrong advice. They cannot keep us out by the threat of violence.

      • rob black

        I still remember the first report from the Secret Service talking about how death threats were up 400%….and that was the first year….from George fucking Bush!
        What planet is this?!

    • Les Appentis De la résistance

      The hate machine has a big megaphone but people really liked him. He was always popular. Don’t let the haters distort the reality.

  • Incoming Ham

    It makes me sad reading all of this. We don’t have a president – we have a megalomaniac con man/”entertainer.” If we end up with the current holder of the VP office we will have a Christianist misogynist/homophobe who wants to bring back “godly” culture, circa 1955.

    I need a cocktail.

    • canes_pugnaces

      We don’t even have that much. We have a lazy, ADD sociopath.

    • shivaskeeper

      Do not fear the Pence. He will cause intra-faith warfare before he gets to the any of the other issues.

      You don’t really think he would allow any other faith besides his version to be legal do you?

      Add to that the fact that Pence is not well K own and the people who do know him don’t like him. The fact that his political career was over; he failed as a GOPer in deep red IN. He does not have the cult of personality that Two Scoops does.

      Toss in some Cabinet level resignations or firings, plus all non career appointees either having to be reconfirmed or someone new put on place and it’ll be 2020 and nothing will have gotten done other than Two Scoops removal.

      • Incoming Ham

        May you be right.

        • shivaskeeper

          I think I am. But we have to get Two Scoops out to find out.

  • Everrett Fanuelli
    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Hehe, imma steal dat.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • Augustus

      OMG I’ll be traveling to Martha’s for work in two weeks!

      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        Have an extra scoop at Mad Martha’s for me! And give Barry all our best.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      Look Bamz looking all glowy and healthy! He should shout out to Donald and ask him how being President is treating him. You know Bamz would say something slick like, “Everybody can’t make it look as good as I did, Donald.”

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance
  • Mr. Blobfish

    Clam Fest 2017 is happening RIGHT NOW! We’re going tomorrow. I intend to win the “King of the Clam” super 50/50 raffle.

  • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

    Conviction of pharmacist Martin Shkreli demonstrates continued United States bigotry against smirking asses whose faces demand to be punched pic.twitter.com/c6ICGM5RJc— DPRK News Service (@DPRK_News) August 4, 2017

    • Bill D. Burger

      A good warm up for dealing with the Trump gang.

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      I’m confuzed. Is this his face or his ass?

      Here all night folks. Try the overpriced medicine and call me in your mourning.

    • yyyaz

      Meh. He has a bachelor’s degree from Baruch College in business administration. Pharmacist my ass.

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        Not sure if it was purposeful or accidental calling him a pharmacist.

        • yyyaz

          Pharma-cyst, maybe.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • boredcatlady

      We were so fucking spoiled. I mean, I’m old enough to remember the before-times, so it’s not like he’s the only president I’ve known, but damn. Damn I miss him!

  • BMW

    Another reason I wish he was still in office: so Muppet Mussolini couldn’t take credit for long term economic trends.

    https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2017/08/04/business/economy/the-economy-under-president-trump.html

  • Bill D. Burger

    An inauguration crowd that Hair Furor can only dream about….and lie about.

    Obama’s was an event for a REAL president.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DGZMAUIXkAENStl.jpg

    • SDGeoff3

      That’s what I’m talking about. That’s my President.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      “FAKE NEWS!!!1!!11!!!!! The lyin’ liberal media faked those photos in 2009 and 2013 just like they faked his birth certificate in 1961! Wake up SHEEPLE!!1111!”

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Bill D. Burger
    • Rick Hill

      And the people who, for eight years, said “not my President!” are now saying “Get over it! He won!”

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        They didn’t win. They managed to put a moron in the WH solely because of the Electoral College, and Russia, and probably sorcery.

        • boredcatlady

          Don’t we call that a coup?

      • boredcatlady

        I’m still trying to figure out if those Ohio personalized I saw last week, reading “DT 1” was supposed to be a “shut up he WON” kind of thing. Yikes

      • I legit had a co worker who once told me that Obama was not “legit” come in the other day and whine that people were saying not my president because even though Obama was awful they still showed him respect!
        I just stared at him like he was a dumbfuck until he tucked tail and left.

    • Serai 1
      • SDGeoff3

        I can go for it.

      • Amy!

        I’m still with her.

        • Serai 1

          I still wear the bracelet.

    • CeeQ

      My President. Until a new one is DULY ELECTED WITHOUT ANY TREASONOUS FUCKERY.

  • Michael R
    • Rick Hill

      *All comments subject to change…depending on trump’s current mood/need.

    • Three Finger Salute

      From his book, Think Like a Champion, 100% of which his ghostwriter wrote.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Those quotes are way too articulate to be from Trump.

  • Jamoche
    • TJ Barke

      That’s what America should be. :<

    • OrG in England

      Portland isn’t just going to take this,is it?

      • The Librarian

        Let it be a challenge!

    • Courser_Resistance

      I haven’t heard about ppl smoking on the Light Rail here in Denver, but I guess Red Rocks is like a total hotbox, which makes plenty of folks unhappy. I’m a toker, but Jesus, don’t do that shit! Whatever happened to enjoying discretely? Even I don’t want to hang in a cloud of pot smoke.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        My roommate doesn’t smoke, but doesn’t mind that I do. Unless he’s away for a few days, I keep it in my room. It’s not that hard to show some respect.

      • boredcatlady

        Years and years ago, when Amtrak still had smoking cars, I spent the night reading Lord of the Rings and getting high with some hippie kids (who told me LotR was going to be a movie soon!) on their way to a mushroom festival in Breckinridge (they called in “Breck-ah”). The porter would come down and laugh at us every now and then, but late enough at night to not really care.

        On another trip, during the Boston Marathon bombing time, I was pulled off the train and asked to search my bags the first stop in NV from CA, two plainclothes DEA guys and my name was on a list, which I mean, I’m a boring middle aged lady, so that kind kind of shocked me. (I had flown to San Jose for a family emergency, stayed longer than intended, and am really scared of flying alone so took the train back to MA, so I guess that looked suspicious on paper? It was weird)

      • Jamoche

        Even before it was legal, you couldn’t stand in line for an event in the Haight without being saturated in the stuff, to the point I got a sore throat and had to sing alto for weeks. Public smoking is still illegal, assholes!

    • boredcatlady

      Aw, makes me miss California a little bit.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Bill D. Burger
    • Courser_Resistance

      That makes me so wistful. I think part of me thought that he could somehow fix this horrifying turn of events. That bubble was popped early on and it was just wishful thinking anyway. I remember that meme, gif-thing, whatever it is from that time. I doubt I was the only one.

      • boredcatlady

        Is It at all possible that we were all hit by a car right before the election, are all sharing the same horrific coma-scene, and just haven’t woken up yet?

    • Three Finger Salute

      Obama is retired and Batman is dead.

      There is no god.

  • HazooToo

    This is the kind of prison joke Wonkette allows. https://twitter.com/BenjaminJS/status/893550402020417536

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • boredcatlady

      That IS an excellent prison joke!

    • SDGeoff3

      Pay up or bend over.

      • meanlawyermom

        No.

      • HazooToo

        That is the kind of prison joke Wonkette doesn’t allow.

    • meanlawyermom

      Yes, I can support that prison joke!

  • Bill D. Burger
    • SDGeoff3

      Wow.

    • yyyaz

      Took this one to bring out the onion ninjas for me. *sniff*

    • /SOB

  • jesterpunk

    Even McTurtle wants Bamz back

    https://i.imgflip.com/1p5wpq.jpg

    • OutOfOrbit

      LMAO

    • boredcatlady

      Just got a letter from his office explaining how concerned he is by Russian involvement in our election. After feigning concern he summed up with, hey, we’re looking into it, no worries, and not gonna lift a finger. “…these numerous inquiries have the resources…ensure the American public will be well informed about issues related to Russia’s intervention…”.
      I did appreciate the fancy, watermarked stationary, though. I don’t remember the Ohio senators being so luxe.

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        Mitch can afford it. He’s been packing in the lobbyist cash for years and years …

        • jesterpunk

          His wife also works for Turnip.

  • Rick Hill

    Obama, looking good….Pffft. It’s easy when you are a lizard wearing a human skin disguise.

  • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

    I went to the Trump rally in Huntington last night. Not as many protestors as I would have liked to have seen. But it is WV. We were able to hear the speech over loudspeakers, when we weren’t too busy yelling “Bullshit” and other choice offerings. I did get to meet KillerMartinis. Talked for a while; I was impressed; very smart and talented. I put in a request for a drinky thing in Cincinnati. Bound to be enough Wonkettariat in OH, WV, KY, and IN to make it worthwhile. Unless you are all a bunch of liberal elites who have neglected the economic anxiety of the Midwest and have no message for us.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      I got a message for YOU:
      Too far to drive for us! :(

      • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

        That’s why I couldn’t make it to Detroit. 😞

    • rob black

      You go!
      I am waiting for the Bund rally to show up in these parts…because it most certainly will. This place is redder than WV if that is possible.
      Alternately, he will use the the opportunity of this vacation to reflect upon his life and do the honorable thing (sepp)..
      ….but nahh..that will not happen.

      • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

        We want it too bad.

      • I predict his own offspring will offspring him to preserve what is left of their fortunes.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        Last time TRMP came to GA, it was for the NRA convention. The joke? All the venues in downtown Atlanta have prominent “No Weapons” signs.
        And then last week, Jeffy Beauregard was at the NOBLE (National Organization of Black Law Enforcement Executives) convention, where they beat him black n’ blue in a private meeting and he stammered his way through a speech in an open meeting.
        Good times.
        I just wonder with GOP candidates for office in the 2018 election invite TRMP to campaign of them. All the Georgia seats are up for grabs and I just saw a fundraiser announcement for one of the GOP candidates for Gov’nor.

        • rob black

          Over 200 dems are revving up for 18.
          May it be 2006 again. Good times.

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    Whenever the world makes you cynical; whenever you seek true humility and true selflessness, look to a veteran.

    https://youtu.be/nTfZbaSunxA?t=5m55s

    • Three Finger Salute

      “Veterans? Veterans are great, they’re incredible, believe me. Especially Vietnam veterans. I tell ya, when I was at Studio 54 with all those hot women, trying not to catch STDs, it was like avoiding land mines in Saigon. My own personal Vietnam.”

      https://i.imgflip.com/1tlm5h.jpg

      • OrG in England

        Too late.

    • SDGeoff3

      OK I’m all farklempt now. These photos of him are making me have deluxe sadz.

    • La forza del resistino

      It takes a Sox fan to take a cheap shot at the Cubbies.
      – Northside La Forza :)

  • Bill D. Burger
  • jesterpunk
  • Bill D. Burger
  • Everrett Fanuelli

    Donald Trump keeps going to WV because he’s too lazy to travel any further and WV is the only place that likes him still, amiright?

    • TootsStansbury

      I heard something about this on the radio. I think it was the stupid Governor “switching parties”. The audience was…squealing. So terrifying. Enough government by reality TV and morons who think it’s real while kleptocrats are robbing us blind. Enough. Russian oligarchs and easily conned marks do not represent me. Fuck.

    • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

      Just barely. And those of us to do are woefully misinformed. I heard one guy say that Trump has created 13,000 coal jobs since taking office.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        One of Trump’s surrogates (can’t remember which one but it was someone who works at the WH) was on TV claiming Trump had created 50,000 coal jobs. I think the actual number is 300.

        • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

          Yep.

        • And not all of those 300 are miner jobs.

          • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

            Yep, all of them are mining machine operators and engineers.

    • Les Appentis De la résistance

      When did coal mining become a desirable vocation?

  • valgalky23
    • Parakeetist

      Lazors!!

      • SDGeoff3

        Magick goodnesses.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    Laid in supplies for the weekend this afternoon. A fifth of vodka, a fifth of gin, a fifth of Canadian whisky (Forty Creek Copper Pot Reserve, highly recommended) and a bottle of Riesling. Tonic water, O.J., ginger ale, Coke and limes in the fridge for mixing. Let the good times roll!

    • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

      What are you going to do for Saturday?

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        Good question…

        • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

          You’ll need to hydrate! I suggest bourbon and branch water.

          • Bub, the cynical zombie

            I have bourbon too…

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Something something three fifths…

      • NorthernSaber

        Three fifths compromise?

        (Sorry- teacher humor. I’ll show myself out through the kitchen…)

        • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

          ISWYDT

    • La forza del resistino

      you’re gonna deplete the water table just in keeping up with making ice cubes.

    • Never refuse a fifth.

    • rob black

      Just reading that made my liver quiver.

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      Black Cherry Mike’s Hard Lemonade. Try it. You’ll like it.

  • Bill D. Burger

    We had a president with grace, integrity, kindness and, to steal a word from those old medieval knight errant sagas, gentillesse___ and now we have this:

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DGZdydtXcAAhNK5.jpg

    • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

      Next frame, Trump crushing the babies head.

      • Why bother? It would soon fail to thrive and shrivel up from any thing from that fuck’s body

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Needs more belly fat.

    • OrG in England

      Hands are WAAAAAY too big.

    • rob black

      We had…The Last Statesman.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Serai 1
    • La forza del resistino

      Obama was so cool, he had a millennial secret service attachment nearby.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        Who didn’t have to learn how not to eye roll.

      • OrdinaryJoe

        Obama was so cool the most interesting man in the world was jealous.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      Now this is a bromance that I can admire!

    • Doug Langley

      “You’re just the best politician.”
      “No, you’re the best politician!”

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω
    • CripesAmighty

      Best ‘buddy movie’ ever. Play it again.

  • Rick Hill

    So…trumbfck is on vacay and it’s the annual WH maintenance period. Anyone want to bet it’s something like this?:
    -Bug
    ….
    -Bug
    ….-Antoher one
    ….
    -Bug
    ….
    -Jeebus Herbert Christ!! Does this ever end?
    -(IT guys) Wanna trade?

    • Major_Major_Major

      I’m thinking the Feds are gonna be planting wires after the new round of FISA warrants. Trumpty Dumpty finally gets his shit tapped.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        “Fixing the HVAC system”

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        Yeah, taps aren’t needed. Just read his tweets. He telegraphs every damn thing.
        And then you can pick up the details on the intercepts.
        SMRT.

  • tehbaddr

    I miss the Bamz, and everything about him. This is ‘Merikas and the Rethuglican answer to all that he is.

    https://fm.cnbc.com/applications/cnbc.com/resources/img/editorial/2016/05/25/103666044-RTX2AQXH.530×298.jpg?v=1464205218

    • TootsStansbury

      It’s unbelievable isn’t It? I always think of the whole phenomenon compared to the ironically Russian folk tale about the devil’s mirror shattering and poisoning peoples’ eyes. The Snow Queen i think it is.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      “Merika, yes. America, no. We’re still the majority. I have to remind myself of that now and then when I start feeling hopeless.

    • NorthernSaber

      Part of the reason I’m so keen to learn more Finnish is to be able to put its legendary (and inventive) trove of obscenities to good use when I’m confrinted by images like this.

      “Perkile- helevetin sika- paaskapää…”

      Feel free to join in, fellow Ugrian-philes!

      • My hoovercraft is full of eeels

        • NorthernSaber

          Hah! (Intro to “Holy Grail”, yes?)

          • No XD Flying circus.
            Would you li…would you lieeeek to come up to my room bouncy bouncy

          • NorthernSaber

            Oops- sorry! Knew it was a Pythonic reference!

          • In my defense, I am a real nerd and when I hear things I tend to remember them for friggin ever. Wish that happened when I read a thing but alas.
            Holy Grail would be more leik
            Visit the many fjords and see the majestic moose, but with umlauts.

          • Doug Langley
  • Jennifer R
    • Doug Langley

      Sheesh, just form a Plumbers squad. It worked swimmingly for Nixon.

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      BAHAHAHAHA

  • ChiefOfStaffCaptainHowdy
    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      On my wishlist!

  • Serai 1
    • alpacapunchbowl

      I love it that crazy uncle Joe is Calvin and Barry Bamz is Hobbes.

      • Doug Langley

        Hobbes always was the smart one.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    Ah, what a combination – ponies and slagging on Scott Adams.

    https://twitter.com/mpk/status/893287088518569984

    • Canis Greyhame

      Well played!

    • TootsStansbury

      Oh, i love this.

  • Everrett Fanuelli
    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      It’s been posted, but it was an instant classic, and it will NEVER get old.

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      Have you seen the TINY BOY version? #WINNING

    • YoBunnyBunny

      But former media mogul Lord Conrad Black wasn’t having it, telling Fox Business: “Claiming the president is lazy is just outrageous. He’s the hardest working president in our time.”

      Riiiiiiiiight… If you count all the time he’s spent being a busy idiot. He’s indefatigable in that department.

      • Lord Conrad Black.
        Lolz

        • Three Finger Salute

          Postmedia felon sez what, eh?

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    I always admired how articulate Obama was. On a scale of 1 to 10, he was a 10. I consider myself a 6 or 7, and I’d give Trump a 2. I really should NOT be more articulate than the president of the USA.

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      How articulate Obama IS. FIFY.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I look at Obama in the past. A golden past where I was happy, and proud to be an American, not the sniffling shell of a woman I am now. I remember being so happy in October, knowing we’d have another 8 years of competent, intelligent leadership. Instead I get an orange shitmuffin.

        • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

          Yeah, but he and Holder are working on a plan to counter gerrymandering. I don’t care what it is, I just take comfort that Obama’s lawyer brain is still working. I also too have not been to Chicago in a good while, but I so want to visit the Obama Library. I love the Carter Center and the JFK Library. I know Obama is going to knock it out of the park.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            I feel like he was too good for us (not you and me, but America in general). I hope he goes down as one of America’s most beloved presidents, not only because he deserves it, but because it would freaking KILL Trump.

    • Catstro

      My three year old shouldn’t be more articulate than the president. I’m not joking. She isn’t a super-genius, just a kid with an above-average vocabulary for her age and the ability to say “I’m sorry”. Shit, she went on some tangent tonight about how it was too dark for satsumas and it made more sense than anything two scoops said in that WSJ transcript.

    • Les Appentis De la résistance

      2? Jesus, raise your standards. He’s incoherent most of the time.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I gave him one point above autistic kids and Sarah Palin.

  • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

    This story is simply an excuse to post more Justin Trudeau pics!

    Which reminds me, my wife just ran off with this month’s Rolling Stone magazine.

  • Day-um. That is all.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Buzzkill alert. So, this is fucked up. We got what I fear is a genuine suicide note on Wonkgenda this morning. A besieged young Wonker in the throes of depression, poverty, homelessness, and bereft of hope. The letter was eloquent, thoughtful, articulate, heart-rending, and very resolute; not at all what I read as a plea for sympathy or attention. I contacted Dok, who tried to reach out privately to him, but without success. I so hope he didn’t go through with it, but I fear the worst. And given the desperate circumstances of this poor young man, we may never know. He wrote to Wonkette because felt like we were the only people who had ever given a fuck about him.

    It’s such a hard, sad, beautiful, lonely fucking world sometimes. Call your mama, hug your child… take your dog for a walk, have a beer with your sweetie. Make sure you tell them that you love them, and if they aren’t paying attention, hold their face gently and say it again and again.

    • Richard Girlswin

      Thank you.

    • Oh jeez. I hope s/he doesn’t go through with it. Please don’t.

    • boredcatlady

      That’s so sad, and scary. But I can definitely relate to feeling more connected to you guys than is probably healthy. I hope he has people he can turn to for support. 😢

    • Yr. Gma

      So sad. If you are feeling hopeless, please let us help. The night crew on Open Thread is a caring bunch. (Most of us, anyway.) One reason I support Wonkette is that it is a little bit of sanity in completely upside down world, and people come here for comfort. (The day crew on Open Thread is a good bunch, too.)

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      I can’t understand it. I’ve lost friends to suicide. In my darker moments, I contemplated it myself. So when I read this, it’s like getting punched right in the gut.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        I’ve lost two good friends to it as well. The combination of grief, guilt, anger, and what-ifs troubles me to this day.

      • Yr. Gma

        More than one of my family members have taken that way out. I’m not going to do to anyone what suicide does to those left behind.

        • My mother had episodes. It was not pleasant.
          Saved my life once though. I contemplated it once so I called her, not to tell her or anything, just to talk and say good bye in a way, and she was in one of her depressive states and told ME about how she wanted to do it. Shocked me right out of it. I had no time to think about my problems trying to contact dad and siblings back home.

      • boredcatlady

        Yeah, I too had a physical reaction to reading this, (stomach, breathing, tears) it’s scary to think that someone is hurting so bad, and especially with having no way to help them. Depression is no joke, I’m constantly monitoring myself to keep things from getting too dark, but after what I’m assuming was a psychotic break last week, now I’m worried I’ve got a whole new fun illness to deal with. Anyway, going to the doctor on Tues, thanks for listening. All that to say that mental health is complicated, and you never know what’s churning around in someone’s mind. Just be nice and don’t gaslight people.

    • :huggles: I hope so too.

    • wobbly

      I saw that too this morning. Good for Dok, who tried his best.

      Whoever posted that suicide note had a lot going for him.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Yeah, obviously a bright and thoughtful young man, whom life had been very unfair to. I’ve lived long enough at this point to know how little power one has to make a positive difference for someone suffering as he is, but you also can’t just stand by and watch it happen.

  • La forza del resistino

    AG Sessions to crack down in leaks. Suggests subpoenas and contempt charges to follow:
    Welcome to Guantanamo reporter persons. NYTimes will be housed to the left, WaPo, to the right. Anyone disclosing a source will receive 2 scoops of ice cream that day. Water ‘therapy’ sessions will be held following lunch

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • Canis Greyhame

      What, evidence-based approach to policy is still a thing? That can’t be right.

    • Didn’t see that coming.

    • Raan
    • BWAHAHAHAHA awww poor Jeff’s for profit prison buddies will not like this!

    • Bananas Foster

      The entire left coast just let out a sigh of relief.

      And a cloud.

    • therblig

      Rebekah Mercer must be invested in bong technology.

  • chascates

    Jesus Tapdancing Christ! He’s going to start tweeting about the Clintons every day!!

    • He secretly loves her. Only reasonable explanation.

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      SQUIRREL!

  • Reximus
  • chascates
    • Everrett Fanuelli

      In related Washington Examiner news, “Chimp Smells Ass-Finger, Falls Out Tree”

      https://media.giphy.com/media/kig4h6MTdV6QE/giphy.gif

      • Jenny

        I laughed at this longer than I should have.

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time
    • Because there was nothing there? HUH WEIRD that newspapers would be all meh, done with this.

      • jesterpunk

        The worst things look for Trump the more they will bring up old Clinton conspiracies. Just waiting for the investigation into Bill’s love child with space aliens.

    • Canis Greyhame

      “If it’s what you say, I HATE IT. We must continue in our task of conspiring to cover-up the many crimes that the Clintons are definitely committing right now!”

      Oh wait, that’s not what they actually said? Well obviously that was implied when you read the actual email comments.

      Mark Lander, a reporter for the Times, is seen in one June 30 email reaching out to a DOJ official to say he’s “been pressed into service to write about the questions being raised” by the meeting.

      Matt Zapotosky with the Post emailed a DOJ official the same day after several other emails to say that his editors “are still pretty interested” in the story but that he wanted to “put it to rest.”

      • totally are complicit by saying they are being pressed. FOR SURE.

        • Canis Greyhame

          This bombshell means total vindication for Trump! Kremlingate is no longer a thing because from a certain angle, it maybe looks like a few reporters were possibly bitching slightly about their assignment to cover Big Dawg’s bullshitting session on the tarmac with AG Lynch.

  • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

    So I just spent an hour in the Kamala Harris thread and I’ve had my Silkwood Shower ™.
    Shit Fer Brains should be good this week.

    • All our resident pretend bros who are not came out to play. Missed em. Shame!
      It is weird, they always seem to pounce at precisely the same time as each other about the same time after an article has been posted. HUH.

      • jesterpunk

        There is a new one over there, they are saying unless they get everything they want they will make sure Republicans win.

        • oh good.

        • boredcatlady

          That old chestnut?

          • I like how they pretend they are just impartial types and then always tip their hands within two or three lines.
            Always. Never fails. Worst trolls ever.

  • Shanzgood

    OT: teenagers and libertarians. They want you to take care of them and all their shit but you’re up for being criticized for everything they don’t like, like your food, your AC temp, where the clean towels are, and how fast you deliver them to/pick them up from their friends. And they want to do weed in your house.

    No.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Libertarians are idiots who try and sound smart. The way to shut a libertarian down is just to talk to them.

      • I find doing the insipid smile and the big eyes and the really? REALLY? REAAALLLYYYYY???? until it sinks in does it even quicker.

      • Shanzgood

        I was talking about my teenagers. It was easier to get rid of my libertarian ex.

        • memzilla Ω

          “A libertarian is a Republican who smokes dope.”

          • Shanzgood

            I had to ban him from having it in the house because he was too fucking stupid to understand what a risk was.

          • memzilla Ω

            Acrisjnit?

          • Shanzgood

            Stupid phone!

          • memzilla Ω

            Your PHONE’s been smoking dope lol.

          • OutOfOrbit

            using a stoned tablet here

    • Raan

      The difference is, teenagers grow out of it.

      Unless they become libertarians.

      • Shanzgood

        Bwah! Yes! If we let them live that long.

    • Rick Hill

      The weed…are they sharing?

      • Shanzgood

        He would if I could. I’m more irritated about my 16yo daughter right now.

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      I love my teenager’s condescending criticism, especially after they stunk up the house while microwaving a fork (third time). Good job!

      • Shanzgood

        A fork?

        • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

          In a bowl with something. Not just the fork. Then I’d be extra worried.

      • SO glad I skipped that life experience.

        • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

          You’re missing out on so many stress wrinkles!

          • And homicidal thoughts!
            Ok…that one may be just me….

          • shivaskeeper

            Not just you.

          • whew. It is easier to deal with the guilt knowing it is a normal thing XD
            BECAUSE DGKSDFGSLNFGLSKNDGKL 5 fucking calls today. Over video games. WHAT

      • Courser_Resistance

        One of my nephews asked his stepmother when he could drive. She replied, ‘Maybe when you stop putting PAPER cups in the dishwasher…’

        • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

          Haha!

    • shivaskeeper

      “I wanna be independent and your not the boss of me stupid old person!!!” Deep breath, “you didn’t fix all the shit I fucked up and take care of everything for me!!!!”

      • Shanzgood

        Pretty much.

    • natoslug

      Teen (and newly-21’d) here aren’t smoking weed, but they seem to have forgotten their wetsuits and towels and a couple of pounds of sand in the hallway when they got back from surfing this afternoon. I’m starting to get the sense that they expect a parent to take care of it, seeing as how they’re both busy in video game tournies at the moment.

      • Shanzgood

        Mine (16 and 20) expect the same taking care of. Yes, I blame myself as a single mom.

        Ugh.

        • natoslug

          I don’t have the single excuse — my children are just spoiled. Or maybe absent-minded, as it is easy to make them feel guilty about not cleaning up after themselves. Now, what should I do about the 4 dozen chocolate chip cookies they made and forgot to do anything with this morning? I may be wedged in a doorway in the next few hours . . .

      • divegrl

        Don’t put up with it. Go on strike!

  • Serai 1
  • Reximus
    • boredcatlady

      NICE

    • Courser_Resistance

      Awesome!

  • William

    This I suppose will always be my favorite photo of President Obama. There is a lot going on. Who we are, where we came from and the people we should be are all right here in one photo. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/af51a3dca1e08c2c8315074a5239cdb16db76a62b647fb8fa633bb420c8cc198.png

    • Three Finger Salute

      #ThanksLincoln

    • meanlawyermom

      All the Obama with kid pics are my favorite, but this one is good!

      • meanlawyermom

        She’s still little enough that she has dimple hands instead of knuckles, which is my favorite kid hands thing!

        • meanlawyermom

          Epiphany: maybe that’s why the Trump tiny hands that have no cute dimples but are the same size bother me so much.

    • hudson srinivasan

      ramen. well said.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    Bill O’Lielly says Donnie needs a vacation, that he hasn’t had one in thirty years. Also says he “isn’t into water sports.”

    LOLOLOLOLOLOL

    http://www.rawstory.com/2017/08/he-needs-a-vacation-bill-oreilly-laments-poor-trump-hasnt-vacationed-in-30-years-and-isnt-into-water-sports/?comments=disqus

    • Yr. Gma

      Thank god for that. I do not want to see Donnie on a surfboard.

    • OrdinaryJoe

      Funny, that’s not what the Steele Dossier says.

    • Moebym Reborn

      So all those other golf outings were “working” vacations, I take it?

      Obama couldn’t step foot onto a golf course without being accused of reneging on his duties. And Trump hardly gets any work done while he’s not on the golf course!

      • What Pierre said

        And Trump never gets any work done. FIFY

    • Three Finger Salute

      Billo gets fired, never shuts up. You can’t explain that.

      • Major_Major_Major

        Stupid thought comes in, stupid words come out. He was less bothersome when he was on fox.

    • OutOfOrbit

      and billo knows that, How?

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸
      • boredcatlady

        Man, Fox News must be so mad that he golfs so much!

    • La forza del resistino

      ‘he likes to have dinner and chat’. I knew that eventually I’d find some common interests with Donald.

  • meanlawyermom
  • Bon soir tout le Wonkette Monde! I am finally home. Did a 12 and a half hour day today. Work will probabky kill me before the end of next week. How is everyone?

    • ChiefOfStaffCaptainHowdy

      Now we are, indeed. Now are you?

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Well, another day above ground. So okay.

    • biologydave

      Fair to partly sunny

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      Sober. But that will be changing shortly.

    • Reximus
    • OutOfOrbit

      and still unpacking…?

    • natoslug

      Facing life’s tough choices. Do I open a bottle of Pinot Grigio, or mix up some Manhattans? Should I pretend that I’m going to also have food?

      • NellCote71

        I like the way you roll.

      • Food fills up space in a stomach that is demanding more alcohol. Science fact.

        • natoslug

          I was bad — I broke down and cooked up a mushroom (crimini and lobster mushrooms, the lobsters from my yard)/onion mix, then tossed in a few brussels sprouts, sun-dried tomatoes, pine nuts and stinky cheese. If only I’d held out, I could have made another three Manhattans.

  • Angela looks especially thrilled to have Barry next to her. That pic reminds me of when Madeline Albright’s date to a State Dinner was Patrick Stewart. But she was more like, “Fuck you, I’m Madeline Albright. What are you looking at???”

  • Dogshouse

    I miss having a President.

  • So far, Phish’s MSG run has rewarded faithful listeners with setlists that have yet to repeat a single song, along with numerous unexpected covers, theme nights, in-jokes, and the band’s most adventurous improvisations in years. No two shows have been remotely similar. It’s a whole new level of fan experience that most bands can’t even approach.

    Here’s a mind blowing version from the show I saw last Friday of one of their early 90’s songs, that’s kinda punk, Gen-X slacker, rock music that they take into a completely unexpected 24 minute directional journey….
    https://youtu.be/uUO4Ovc0zhg

    • NorthernSaber

      Saw them 1st time 20 years ago this month- “The Great Went” in Limestone, Maine. Am reasonably certain I had a great time. Remember a smoking “Weekapaugh” that went forever.
      Can we all be that young again?

      • Don’t know about the youth part but, “we can all begin again”.

      • Yeah my first show was 92, less than 150 people.

        They’re quite a bit more popular now 😗

        And better music skills from improvising together. How many bands get better over time? 🕺

        Saw my first Dead show in 88-89 can’t remember in Oakland for a reference point.

        Dead was more blues based, the drummer didn’t lose the beat most of the time except for Space & Drums.

        Phish could lose the beat anytime or anywhere. Much more jazz like.

        • NorthernSaber

          Yeah- I’m a long-time jazz guy myself, and I really dug the interplay between those cats. I remember being really impressed with the improv I saw- though the Dead’s legendary Cornell show (St. Stephen-Not Fade Away- St. Stephen) is right up there, also too. Did you see them at Nectars early on?

          • No, they were on tour and playing on the West Coast. Last Friday @MSG was the first time I saw Phish on the East Coast.

  • Thorn Spike

    His massive, throbbing Inaugural crowds.

  • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist
    • Three Finger Salute

      WAAAAAAAAAAAAH! NOOOOOOOO! MOMMY I DON’T WANT HIM TO LEAVE!

    • William

      It’s like a little congress doll.

  • jowgajen
    • I LOVE THIS SO MUCH!!!

    • YoBunnyBunny

      Mr. Magoo has ALL the game!!!

    • Serai 1

      That is some Premium Unintended Trolling right there.

    • Jamoche

      Every movie is better with Stan Lee making a cameo.

    • Who’s the hipster!

    • Jenny

      Some asshole has no idea how expensive those floors are. I hope he loses his gym membership.

  • Wild Cat

    “Here I ex-president
    Broken-hearted.
    Scalia died,
    But he hasn’t departed . . . “

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • William

      Caption. Mom, MOM, come get me, he just popped a tic-tac.

  • Jenny

    Lazy brother update. He’s got a job and an apartment. Living with my parents is really motivating!

    • WOOO!!!! Good for you, Jenny!

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      What is their secret???

      Asking for other parents.

  • CripesAmighty

    A little late, but worth the wait: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=jnXEj7bsnUs

    • Serai 1

      I love Twitler literally begging Nieto to back up his pathetic ego. LOL.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Cheeto vs. Neato. This Sunday at Wrestlemania.

  • William
    • Red Bird

      The little girl in the red dress is practicing for her job on Fox.

  • meanlawyermom
    • NellCote71

      Instead of kitten pictures to make us feel better, let’s post Barack photos when times get bad.

      • BJW

        Why not both? Both are good.

        • NellCote71

          I’m cool with that.

      • Khavrinen

        Anybody got pictures of Barack with kittens?

    • William
      • Jeff Ackerman

        I think they entered into Holy Acrimony instead of marriage.

        • Three Finger Salute

          More like “holy shit…!”

        • I think her father sold her.

      • meanlawyermom

        Just as many of these as there are of the Obamas loving each other. My heart honestly aches for Melania. What choices did she have? Yes, she probably knew what she was getting into to a degree. And she made choices to get out of her country in exchange for modeling and things and chose to marry him in exchange for citizenship and wealth. However, I’m sure she could never have imagined she’d be catapulted onto a national stage before she got out.

        • Jeff Ackerman

          Whatever she gets out of it she probably pays for dearly in mental anguish and a lost life. She probably feels as if she is owned.

        • therblig

          she can choke on a bag of dicks.

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sSTx1ZODEcQ

        • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

          I feel bad for Barron. If he is really good at “the cyber”, he’s seen all the crap that his dad shovels and the blowback. I can’t imagine that anyone is really shielding him from that. What he must overhear at school.

        • meanlawyermom

          My opinion is colored by the fact that I actually represented a mail-order Russian bride in the mid-90’s while participating in a domestic violence clinic in law school in DC. My absolutely gorgeous “model” client was stuck with a scumbag who abused her and part of his abuse was promising her to bring her child and her parents here. It was horrible. I think of that case every time I look at Melania.

          Yes, these women make their choices, but they don’t have the same choices American women in terrible situations have, which aren’t always great choices either. We all know about the cycle of violence with abused women and how that makes it very difficult to leave an abusive partner and that the separation period poses the greatest risk of violence. Add to that, the fact that your abusive partner holds deportation in his hands. It is something these jerks use very powerfully. Imagine the person on the other end is running for president with a bunch a MAGA jerks behind him. You support him. Of course you do.

          • meanlawyermom

            Also, as a prosecutor in my early career in the South in the mid-late 1990s, one of the domestic violence cases that sticks out is one against an “illegal” immigrant whose husband was legal. Defense attorney employed so many horrible procedural delays in conjunction with his client’s continuing abuse that the one time the victim didn’t show up because he took away all forms of communication and the car, we almost lost the case. This was after she’d shown up 3-4 times with defendant getting postponements because attorney didn’t come to our courtroom until the very end of the day.

            VAWA for immigrant women hangs by a thread and Sessions now controls it. I’m terrified for these women. I no longer handle these cases, but i’m considering taking them up again because it is important.

          • meanlawyermom

            Even more terrified for same-sex and transgender partners in these precarious situations. Do you think this administration will care about them? If I won the lottery tomorrow, I’d switch my practice to this completely unprofitable practice immediately.

          • meanlawyermom

            This is why local elections matter. District Attorney and Sheriff are elected officials. If they buy the Trump/Sessions/Pence/Bannon line, they will not protect vulnerable people.

          • That is it in a nut shell. The Trump era is all about scraping the most vulnerable off. And Americans, even if in minority, are cheering it on not realizing that they are next.

  • meanlawyermom

    Add to Evan’s list of bigger than Trump’s – Love of and for his wife.

  • Catstro
    • Courser_Resistance

      IIRC, the little man’s dad was White House staff, not a big-shot politico. One of the many things I love about Obama.

  • chascates
    • William

      Hey Bill, should he pack his Loofah, or hope the hotel has one?

    • TJ Barke

      Fuck you, Bill. Fucking ass kisser.

    • Canis Greyhame

      Hopefully this is the same kind of vacation for SCROTUS that Fox News gave to Bill O right at the end there.

    • OrG in England

      Far,far away.

    • Three Finger Salute

      “My hands are average size and I can count to 10! You can’t explain that!”

    • Serai 1

      So that’s it. This asshole has been living in an alternate dimension all along.

      • Canis Greyhame

        They all reside in the universe where Spok has a beard.

    • Is there a Bill Tweet about Obama going on vacation?
      I bet there is! Someone should go find it and twit it at him

    • SayItWithWookies

      Whose tits is Bill going for?

  • alpacapunchbowl

    My niece was three when Bamz was elected. She pronounced his name “Brocko Bomma”. When I told her that before he moved to the White House he lived in Chicago, she got excited and asked “Does he live with you??” To this day she wishes she could meet Sasha and Malia.
    Happy birthday Barry! You and your family are really something special.

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time
      • Dazza

        OK. Now you made me tear up. It’s my day off, dammit! I don’t wanna feel sad.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        Aww! I feel you, little girl.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • Serai 1

      Of course they did.

    • TJ Barke

      Fux needs to be shuttered. Now.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Fux is running with Deep State v. Trump. How long until Pizzagate shows up on the channel?

    • Everrett Fanuelli
    • YoBunnyBunny

      By “undemocratic farce”, I gather that he means rich and dumb white people can’t dictate the outcome???

      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        Right?! How is that even fair?!?

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      What a collection of DERP.

    • Canis Greyhame

      At this point Fox has about as much credibility as the Korean Central News Agency. Fox is about as trustworthy as Kellyanne Conway when her lips are moving. You can rely on Fox like we all used to rely on Sean Spicey to give it to us straight, from a location other than off-camera and in the bushes.

      Really, is there anyone outside the Trump-cult who believes a word they say anymore on Fox?

  • Serai 1
    • Everrett Fanuelli

      I’m sure the racists love this pic.

    • meanlawyermom

      This is my favorite. And I’m a Girl Scout mama/leader. This one kills me every time. https://static01.nyt.com/images/2012/05/24/us/politics/24jacob-cnd/24jacob-cnd-jumbo.jpg

      • Serai 1

        I can hear the kidlet squeaking, “You have hair like mine!”

        • La forza del resistino

          and if kidlet was afforded the same with Donald he’d say ‘sticky’

          • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

            Hey, it bit me.

    • meanlawyermom

      But every picture of Obama with kids is precious, especially those with Malia and Sasha. So there is no best. They are all best.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      I love his tiara.

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      The one with the Boy Scout is Full of Win, also too.

    • CripesAmighty

      If you need any visual representation of why Sasha and Malia are such balanced, beautiful, non-fucked up kids, here it is

    • DainBramage

      There’s a man who is secure enough to wear a tiara for the kids. Unlike someone I could name.

      • Canis Greyhame

        You don’t let that other someone go near Girl Scouts. You. Just. Don’t.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    I never noticed that before…oh God!

    https://twitter.com/darth/status/893526633813950464

    • hahahahahahahahahahah
      And holding a book called Big Lie. PERFECT!~!!! Dinesh is really a liberal plant!

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      The Yoga Deep State has gotten to Bannon!

    • HorseChestnut

      It’s how he keeps his youthful figure.

    • btwbfdimho

      Yoga gives Bannon the flexibility necessary to drain his own swamp.

  • Three Finger Salute
  • memzilla Ω

    BREAKING: Mueller’s investigators “recently asked” the White House for documents related to Michael Flynn, “and have questioned witnesses about whether he was secretly paid by the Turkish government during the final months of the presidential campaign…”

    TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK
    . https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/861c9f452c88dab62719dd32f705d89dfe27c2719cefa9de5a44a70cffff2658.jpg

    • Michael R
    • OutOfOrbit

      whut dokuments? we got no stinkin dokuments!

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        And that’s the felonies – Flynn not filing the documents. No excuses. If they don’t have them, that’s a crime too.

    • SayItWithWookies

      It’s just fucking appalling that Assmouth believes he’s got good people instincts and hired this raving loon, who believes every damn conspiracy theory about Hillary, the Muslim Brotherhood and Benghazi out there, but put him in a position where he could influence policy — and didn’t know he was a foreign agent. Even more appalling, Flynn is one of Assmouth’s lesser crimes.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        I think it’s hilarious that they are rooting out all the “Flynn Stones” from the IC too. McMasters and Kelly aren’t playing.

        • I think they are prepping for a military coup. Which would not be a good thing.
          Expect there to be some sort of martial law declared in places real soon.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Now I’m hiding in Bedminster
      I’m a desperate man
      Send lawyers, guns and money
      The shit has hit the fan

      https://youtu.be/lP5Xv7QqXiM

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      Not just the Turks and the Russians, but he also failed to disclose the contracts with the Japanese. FELONIES, baby.

      • fuckin whore that one. Sell it to anyone

        • YoBunnyBunny

          He certainly does get around…

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    This cracks me up. I can’t stop watching it:

    https://twitter.com/TheRickyDavila/status/893132649388277760

    • boredcatlady

      Aw! Oh! Cute!

  • Dazza

    Live long and prosper, Mr Obama (and Michelle, Malia and Sasha). You deserve all the good things. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c9ed517d5430f2cec59a7b94120163d2a68cec6842ccb777b96e5ca3d235fae5.jpg

  • Ice cream and tea will solve my problems.

  • YoBunnyBunny

    One more for the tubes… Who doesn’t love a man who plays with dogs?
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2a531de0c20dfe0873231da3ba49b88473ceee93186dff4db31fa2d8133d3385.jpg

    • La forza del resistino

      Until one has loved an animal a part of one’s soul remains unawakened.
      – Anatole France
      Your move Donald.

      • Three Finger Salute

        He loves himself, and he’s a feral beast. No evidence of a soul, though.

      • Canis Greyhame

        Dogs can sense your soul, but the Donald is entirely unburdened by one. No pup should have to suffer being brought into close proximity to that sort of abyss on a regular basis.

        • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

          I’m sure no dog would go anywhere near him. The eagle in that photo op called it.

  • rob black
  • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time
  • persistently_resistant_gayby

    I miss his sexxxxx hands and brain and THE ABILITY TO SPEAK IN PROPER COHERENT SENTENCES.

  • Serai 1
    • persistently_resistant_gayby

      Awwww, what a cute boop.

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      I MISS THEM SO MUCH *sob *sob

  • memzilla Ω
    • Donkey Option

      … WHAT?

    • Canis Greyhame

      All the bald-faced lying just goes to show how honest he is.

    • open and honest about his lying.
      LOOOOOOOLLLLLLL
      Pay your child support you dead beat

    • Left Coast Tom

      I wonder how Hillary’s “fact checking” compares to that of L’il Donnie. Lack of question mark intentional.

    • Jamoche
    • persistently_resistant_gayby

      Joe, STOP HUFFING GUN POWDER.

    • Left Coast Tom

      I guess I should have also mentioned something about wondering if Joe Walsh pays his child support now, as this has been an issue for him in the past.

      • jesterpunk

        Damn you beat me to it.

    • Rick Hill

      This could be the first person in history where it can accurately be said,you know he’s lying because his lips are moving.

      • Left Coast Tom

        L’il Donnie Trump Libelz!!1!

        • Rick Hill

          Only because he’s too stoopid to remember to lie constantly. Or he’s so dumb he tries to remember all his lies.

    • Edith Prickly

      LOL. Trump isn’t “honest” about his lying, he’s just really bad at it. Also pay your fucking child support, you sleazeball.

    • Chyron HR

      WTF? I hate the Eagles now.

    • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

      Open & honest about lying?!? now I’ve heard everything!

    • CeeQ

      “Hell! I lie like ALL THE FUCKING TIME. No one made me President and I at least worked in congress until I was fired by my constituents! This Trump guy couldn’t lie as much as I can!”

  • Donkey Option

    Okay, asking for honest advice here. So, as many of you commenters know, my husband moved here from Morocco. He is usually great! But, when he’s been talking with his older brother or a friend of his here in US, he gets really sexist. Like, our marriage isn’t right because I expect him to do most of the cooking and cleaning because I make most of the money and work more hours than he does (by a lot.) How do I handle this? I don’t know how to convince him that our marriage is about us, not about how his friends or brother see our relationship. It’s driving me a bit crazy.

    • bluicebank

      Play to his strength, as it were, Tell him all the best world chefs are men. Tell him only men can handle a barbeque. Even if you don’t believe these things, make cooking a source of pride with him.

      Other than that, I got nothing.

      • Donkey Option

        He is pretty good about cooking. It’s the cleaning part that he hates (which I hate too) but I know that it’s necessary.

        • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

          Do you guys have enough money to simply hire a cleaning person to come in once a week?

          • Donkey Option

            I do, but he’s prickly about that too. That’s the worst part. I’d just hire someone, but he doesn’t want that. I feel stuck.

          • You need to talk. Tell him you are feeling stuck. Tell him you cannot possibly make all the money you do if you are required to do the cleaning also. Be honest. Communication is really the best first step, even if you have talked before. Keep at it. STRESS how there will be less money if you have to take on more.

          • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

            Is it a pride thing because you’d be paying for it, or is it because he wants to be able to show his friends he has a “proper” wife? I wonder if you sit down with him some time when you’re both feeling calm, and ask if you can have a calm conversation about it, and talk to him kindly, understanding his point of view (it’s hard to escape cultural behavior/norms/anxieties), reflecting it back to him, but then asking him to try to consider yours, if you might make some progress.

            He must have had some willingness to embrace a different culture when he married you, and perhaps you can talk it out. Maybe you can talk openly about some of his concerns, and maybe there’s some kind of middle ground. All marriages have some kind of compromise, and to be fair, you also knew you were marrying someone from a different culture. If you have a fundamentally loving relationship, I’m sure you can find a way to work this out

            If he doesn’t feel comfortable going to couples counseling, why not see a therapist on your own, and ask for advice as to how to handle it?

            I think hiring someone might be your best solution, and that he’d have less “pride” about that, since it’s a hallmark of power to have hired help, even in his country.

          • Donkey Option

            I do see a therapist, and it’s helpful. But mostly, this is great advice. I need to find a time when we’re both calm and kind and have this discussion. But he gets his hackles raised so easily. But maybe in the morning, when we’ve had some coffee and are sitting out my the river and can stay calm. But I can offer him another time and place for the discussion if he doesn’t like the time and place I’m choosing. But it’s a discussion we need to have.

          • Amy!

            Good for you! “I’ve got this,” and “We can do this; we can talk it out; we can work it out” are great ways to approach it, I think. Not solving a problem that’s him, or that’s you, or even that’s someone in his family, but “there’s this task thing that has to be done and we have to figure out how to do it while keeping the dosh coming in, right? How do we do that, and keep loving each other enough that we’re eager to jump one another’s bones?” Or something like that.

            Apologies, sincerely. I’m drinking; it’s been a shit week at work. Do not take any relationship advice from me too seriously; I can’t make mine work. On the other hand, I’m the one who gets the three am calls to listen and say not-particularly-insightful but somehow worthwhile things. *shrug*

          • Donkey Option

            You’ve been great! And I’m drinking too (another issue with the hubby that only really is an issue when his others point out how I’m not a good wife because I drink.) But I drink less when he’s less of an asshole. I wish he could see that…

        • bluicebank

          And nobody likes pulling weeds.

          I was once in a relationship where she was the bread-winner. And I sure as shit did things around the house to justify my existence. So until dragons show up that he must slay, it’s the pots and pans. lol

    • Tell him you will gladly do more housework and cooking the very second he works more hours than you, by a lot.

      • Donkey Option

        I’ve tried that, but he just gets sulky.

        • eh. Prolly sees it as an attack on his maleness by being reminded you are the bread winner.
          Could try the logic approach. Stress you are a partnership. You each do your part. It is not male and female, it is all for the good of all.
          If that fails, hit him with something heavy.

          • Amy!

            Cast iron skillets are excellent kitchen tools. ;-)

          • Donkey Option

            Tempting… very tempting…

          • Do try the logic bit first. This is not a new thing, he knew going into the marriage that this is how it is. Obviously a part of him does not care. If his relations are teasing him about how he is being unmanly, maybe try to flatter his male ego some. Ask him to open something, build something, whatever floats his ego. Reward cleaning with sexxy nuzzles and or video games (not sure how old, might have to go with like sports tickets instead of video games). But for sure discuss why he feels so unmanned after talking with /them/ and if their opinions are really that important to him.

          • Donkey Option

            It’s hard for me to play up to his male ego. It makes me roll my eyes until they’re about to fall out of my head. But yeah, I guess I need to try a bit more subtle psychology.

          • I would go with the talking first. Communication is MORE better er than head games. For both of you.
            But I too have to do the flatter bit from time to time. And I married a hippie. It’s built in and hard for them to change.
            There was a time I had to go “would you rather have slaps on the back from your friend, or sex?”
            He chose wisely.

          • Amy!

            Depending on his personality, if humor works, take the sting out that way? Like “Oh, does your enormous penis get in the way when you’re running the vacuum or bending over to pick up things?” or “What did you think I used to hold the broom, anyway?”

            But that all depends on having the sort of relationship where that would disarm rather than offend. It all kinda depends on how things work for you two, when it’s healthy. If you can get to that place, where the messages are received, then maybe things can get worked out, and you’ll have an idea how to get back there the next time it happens.

            He’s your partner; should be your main ally and defender, not a problem to solve. Right?

          • Right.

          • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

            remind him that you are a team, and that you picked HIM to spend your life with. ask him to remember why he picked YOU.
            sort of an aside, my late husband (who was much more of a neatnik then I) would say, “OMG, you are SO sexy when you vacuum,” as he nuzzled me from behind. He meant it as a joke, and it made me laugh, but it was also flirtatious and reinforcing!

          • Donkey Option

            That’s a good point. I’ve been traveling so much lately that I can’t really reinforce that.

          • Donkey Option

            Right. And most of the time he remembers that. But sometimes… But I do need to be calmer and take things with more of a humorous slant. I am definitely too serious most of the time.

        • Amy!

          Yeah, his relations are prolly beating on him about how he’s not enough of a man, if the symptoms are that he turns caveman after dealing with them. Maybe instead of reenforcing that, try pointing out that this is a different country, different culture, different rules, and you’re both happier when the house is clean? Or something like that.

          • OutOfOrbit

            we aint that different

          • Could bribe him with blow jobs. Bribes work on sulky brats, might work on husbands too.
            Serious aside: Sex or feeling manly in the eyes of people you do not live with dude, pick your pick. Yeah I went there.

          • Amy!

            Upfisted for response, but I’m seriously non-expert on the subject of blow-jobs. I’m told that I once gave one, but I was black out drunk at the time (it was not actually a reassuring thing to be told, even though it was intended as reassurance, as I also had no pants on when I awoke).

            Are most/reg’lar guys really that easily bribed with blowies? That just seems so weird, to me.

          • Donkey Option

            My husband isn’t as much, but sex is important. And he’s really worried about me enjoying it. I think that making more of an effort on it can help (not the blowjobs, but the sex and sexual connection in general.)

    • HorseChestnut

      Was meeting that male-breadwinner expectation always important to him, or has it just started lately?

      • Donkey Option

        He knew before we got married that I make a lot of money and that this was going to be our reality. It’s only an issue when he’s been talking with these more… traditional… people in his life.

        • They probably tease him about it. You should ask them if what they think of him impacts his sense of worth.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Maybe I’m cynical, having experienced something similar with my father, but this sounds like a red warning flag of an insecure and possibly abusive personality. He sounds jealous that you’re in a better social position than he is, and like he feels “emasculated” by doing what he considers “women’s work.” I can recommend couples counseling as an option, but if that doesn’t work, get out. You really don’t want to be with a guy who has rigid expectations of gender roles like that.

      I don’t want to say so, but this sounds like a cultural problem that he’s going to have to learn to break the mold of, now that he’s in the USA and not Morocco. When in Rome and all that. My father never stood up to his parents and their expectations (sort of embracing a negative cultural stereotype about the Irish) that my mother would drink and my father wouldn’t be expected to quit or tamper it down, and it turned out to be a living hell.

      If he and/or his family start to escalate their insistence that you be the docile housewife, by all means do what you can to leave. Family pressures can be immense and oftentimes one spouse will side with blood over “water” (marriage), which doesn’t sound like it’s a good thing in this case. Try talking to him first, like Bluicebank said; if that doesn’t work, try couples counseling, and when all else fails, bolt out the door.

      • Donkey Option

        It’s only his older brother. The rest of his family is super chill. The one brother and the one friend. We’ve been married a year now, and when he’s fine, he’s fine. I just wish I could convince him better that he needs to ignore them and worry more about us being happy in our marriage than what other people think of it from the outside.

        • Have you told him in those words? Cause he may need to hear it right like that.

          • Donkey Option

            I have told him this, but I worry that there’s a language barrier. His English is great! But there are times that the language is an issue. I need to reword it so he can really understand.

        • Up In Smoke O’hontas

          Jen, below, is totally right, but framing the discussion in a positive, loving way is key. Be honest with your partner, respect his capacity to be open and loving with you. Share your feelings, and acknowledge that it’s tough to be honest, but be honest in a gentle way. You love each other. Love is one thing, living together requires a different level of respect.
          If he’s pulling the, “my bro says…” crap, then you have an uphill battle ahead. If he’s not open to discussion in his moods and he won’t come back to his loving self to talk to you, then I’d start looking for an off-ramp. People ONLY change when and if they want to, and life’s too short to kick a dead horse. I wish for you to have love and joy and comfort in your partnership. I can’t express how grateful I am to have a balanced, respectful, loving relationship that I insisted upon when I met Mr. Hontas, and it’s worked out for a decade so far. You deserve the same.

          • Donkey Option

            Thank you. I think the worst part is that his is respectful and loving and good. But when he feels like he’s being judged on the outside, he changes. I didn’t really know this about him until it was too late. He told me later that he’s always felt the need to fit in and be approved by other people. I’ve always been fiercely independent because I’ve never been accepted. But he worries so much about other people liking and approving of him. I don’t know how to convince him that what other people think doesn’t matter.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      He”s being an easily-led bellend.

      Remind him, gently, of the vows, and as someone else said, point out that this is a partnership and both partners have to pull their weight. If he doesn’t like cleaning, get a job that earns proper money and hire a cleaner. Until that time, that’s his contribution.

      I understand the cultural difference, but he married you knowing full well what the situation would be.

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      Go with honesty, always. Appeal to your love and respect for each other, and note that’s there are many chores (which include winning bread and cleaning toilets) that are required to run a household, and discuss different options for dividing said chores (including winning less bread and cleaning more toilets). Then remind him how much you loved each other to begin with in order to commit to forming a household team…then, if things go well, administer a blow job. If things do not go well skip that last one and don’t have kids.

    • OutOfOrbit

      i dont know how you do it, but if he were to find a sense of personal pride in house-cleaning. I got that way (pride in house-work done well) but i have no idea what got me to be this way. When i make the bed, me proud. wash dishes & put away, me proud etc

      • Donkey Option

        That’s a really good idea. I need to praise him more for the hard work he puts into the house.

        • FOR SURE. Just as women would not mind a little praise for all the work they do, house husbands must also wish the same. Humans are humans.

        • OutOfOrbit

          we cavemen are basic animals i know. i get treats! donut, M&Ms, ice cream, just like a dogi am i guess mebbee that is how she tricked me into this

          • My co worker lady put it well one day, and a way I had not thought of before: Husband is not “helping” her by doing housework. He is helping the family unit by assisting in its function.
            She is a young and so practical XD

          • Donkey Option

            Unfortunately, the idea of a “family unit” leads to discussions of offspringing, and that’s nowhere I want to be. But it’s a good point. He is being a productive and important part of our household. The cat is a useless freeloader.

          • OutOfOrbit

            wimmens are trixsy yess?

        • OutOfOrbit

          sometimes just a pat on the head

    • Donkey Option

      I’ve been trying to reply to everyone, but I have to say, you guys are the best! I have gotten some amazing advice, and the best support. Truly, the best people, and I am lucky to have found this community. If any of you are ever in the southern Connecticut area, let me know. You are so amazing!

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      Therapy speak – “When you do that, it makes me feel like this”.

      • Donkey Option

        I am the master of that from being in therapy for literally my whole life. But he doesn’t understand so it doesn’t work so well. But I do try it :)

        • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

          Damn. It works like a charm for me but I haven’t tried it with many not-Americans.

  • bluicebank

    On this day of Prez Obama’s birthday on some island in the Pacific, as fate would have it, I FINALLY solved the ’74 VW Beetle problem (mean shimmy).

    Thanks, Obama!

    It wasn’t the steering dampener (now replaced with a new one). It wasn’t the idler arm bracket & bushing (now replaced, but it needed it anyhow). It wasn’t even the bent right tie rod (now hammered out somewhat straight until new rod arrives).

    It was the the dang right tie rod end ball joint, which looked like the US Constitution after Trump hired Russian Aliens(tm) hookers to micturate acid-for-piss on it. All the tech manuals say you need a nobody-has tool like a special puller or a pickle fork. Because I couldn’t do it. YouTube to the rescue: You need a HAMMER. Strike sideways on the steering arm connected to the tie rod end’s ball joint, and that heats up the impossible-to-dislodge tie rod end as if by magic (physics). New tie rod end installed, and BABY IS BACK.

    Did I mention “Thanks, Obama”? Dude keeps on giving even out of office.

    • ooooo wonder if that is the problem with the mercury, also doing a mean shimmy, over 45.

      • bluicebank

        You can visually check that. Something I should have done instead of consulting tech books. If the rubber boot on your tie rod end is corroded, replace it. If you have a jack and some tools, just order the part and research the procedure, and your Merc will be right as rain.

        • I do not know what you said really, but it sounds smexxy.
          Prolly just get my mechanic to check out the tie rod XD

          • bluicebank

            That works, too.

            Still, you can just get under the car with a flashlight and look at all the rubber boots (circular thingies connecting other things) and if they look not right, that would be a problem. Not being condescending here, since it took me much headache just to solve a problem I could’ve done if I only used my eyes.

  • jesterpunk

    This story is awesome.

    http://www.cnn.com/2017/08/04/us/bikers-escort-bullied-kid-to-school-trnd/index.html

    After months and months of being bullied in school, Phil Mick has a reason to smile: a new group of unlikely friends.

    More than 50 bikers escorted the 11-year-old to his first day at DeKalb Middle School in Waterloo, Indiana. They wanted to show the world Phil had people in his corner.

    His mom, Tammy Mick, said the bike ride was the first time she’d seen him smile in a long time. She said he was bullied at his elementary school for the last two years.

    “They were calling him ‘fat,’ cussing at him, hitting him in private areas,” Mick, 38, told CNN. “He told me one day he wanted to end his life.”

    But Phil’s new friends were determined to make sure that didn’t happen. They wanted this school year to be different.

  • Three Finger Salute
    • takin that insecurity thing to some seriously new heights. What even

      • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

        And how pathetic and zero-self-esteemed and sad would a woman have to be to have sex with this guy, who surely was emitting some pretty drastic hints as to his actual personality

        • He mighta hid it well, or she mighta been not very perceptive. I knew a couple, dude seemed right ok. Turned out he was a secret drinker/hitter behind closed doors.
          She had no idea until 5 years in when the hitting started and by that time had been so mind fucked it was very difficult for her to see a viable way out. So she took another way :/

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      Can’t comment on what should happen to this jerk in prison. Not allowed. Totally not allowed.

    • Major_Major_Major

      That’s why I won’t ever date woman who has dated a Latino again. It really drives me crazy AF hearing them say his name over and over again. That Jesus fella has really been around, I tell ya.

  • persistently_resistant_gayby
    • jesterpunk

      Someone at Fox sexually harassing women? I would never expect anything like that from Fox.

    • vivian

      I sure didn’t see that one cumming. Nor do I want to.

  • CATMAN
  • Up In Smoke O’hontas

    I’m sure it’s been added downthread, but I have another bullet point:

    • The number of lives he saved with his evil commie fascist Obamacare

    Thanks, Obama!

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    damn, i slack off on my routine at the gym and STILL come home to this?:
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/8f37601c68cb48ed8843f00ff9312f2f7f1bc4c9423c122cecdf8d50e17d474c.png

    • YoBunnyBunny

      And Orange Trump shit hasn’t even hit the fan yet for the weekend news cycle! …YET…

    • mancityRed6

      dude, it’s Friday night. I have to be at work at 5:30 AM, not sure what everyone else’s problem is.

    • I had all the articles from today to read before coming to hang out.

    • data_ninja

      Friday Night open thread! WOOOOOOOO!! http://i.imgur.com/p099l9p.png

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Anyone think Donald “Lazyboy” Trump is going to run for a second term? I’m assuming he won’t be impeached, or imprisoned in the next three years. I kind of think he’s going to say “I fixed everything, and I know everyone in America loves me, but I have to leave to spend more time with my golf courses.”

    • YoBunnyBunny

      I think he’s stoopid enough to run again. The man’s never been to a honky hate rally that he didn’t love.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        But keep in mind that he’s extraordinarily lazy. He’s also 71 now, so he’ll be 74 when he needs to campaign again. Also, there’s a very good chance he’ll lose, and he’s going to be such a joke at that point. I kind of think he won’t run just to save face.

        • data_ninja

          He’ll ride the grifting circuit where he’ll get paid to show up for other peoples campaigns to promote them, like the Thrilla from Wasilla.

          • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

            If anyone wants to be associated with the taint of TRMP.

        • Left Coast Tom

          No, I agree with YBB…if he’s not impeached/removed or behind bars, he’ll run again.

          I wonder what would happen if Mueller discovers New Yo