He seems the polar opposite of nice
Who’s got two index fingers and is facing jail time? This guy!

Martin Shkreli, the almost universally reviled schmuck notorious for raising the price of a lifesaving drug for infants and people with AIDS by 5000%, was convicted in federal court today on three of eight charges against him in a securities and wire fraud case. (His price gouging on pharmaceuticals made him a pariah, but was perfectly legal.) After a trial in Brooklyn that lasted over a month, and five days of deliberation by the jury, Shkreli was convicted of two counts of securities fraud and one of conspiracy to commit securities fraud. He was found not guilty on five other charges, mostly related to wire fraud accusations.

Prosecutors said a mountain of testimony and evidence at trial showed that Shkreli duped multiple investors into putting millions of dollars into two hedge funds he ran, MSMB Capital and MSMB Healthcare, by falsely claiming to have an excellent record of running such funds, and by falsely stating his investment strategy had a low level of risk.

Prosecutors said Shkreli lost most of his investors’ money or shunted it away into his pharmaceutical company, Retrophin, but sent investors faked financial statements claiming they were making steady returns. When investors demanded their money back, he “brushed them off for months or more, inventing excuses and suggesting alternative ways to pay them back,” such as buying them a hamburger next Tuesday or finding a guy to be their butler. Then, prosecutors alleged, Shkreli skimmed cash from Retrophin stock and cash reserves to pay back some investors. The ghost of Charles Ponzi scoffed and called Shkreli a pathetic amateur.

Shkreli escaped conviction on some of the most serious charges, and told reporters outside the court that he was super, thanks for asking, and he was

“delighted to report” that he had been acquitted of what he called “the most important charges” in the case.

Because it involved one of the planet’s greatest narcissists who doesn’t currently hold office, Shkreli’s trial often threatened to give circuses a bad name. The jury selection phase alone featured Shkreli’s own lawyer asking for a mistrial because Shkreli refused to STFU about his own case.

Following the verdict, Shkreli remained the irrepressible shitheel America has come to loathe:

Asked about his client’s social-media antics, attorney Ben Brafman conceded it was something they would be working on.

“There is an image issue that Martin and I are going to be discussing in the next few days,” he said, adding that while Shkreli was a brilliant mind, sometimes his “people skills” need work. As he spoke, Shkreli smiled and cocked his head quizzically in mock confusion.

Shkrelli had to be cautioned by the judge to remain quiet in court after he ranted to reporters that prosecutors “blame me for everything […] They blame me for capitalism.”

Shkreli faces up to 20 years in prison, although he’ll probably receive a shorter sentence. He will remain free on $5 million bail until sentenced in a hearing that hasn’t been scheduled yet.

Legal scholars remain divided on whether defendants like Shkreli should also be subjected to an Insufferable Dickhead penalty at sentencing.

Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations; please click the “Donate” linky to help. And yes, the Commenting Rules remain in effect, even for this yutz.

[CNBC / ABC News]

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  • Indiepalin

    Shkreli to spearhead Trump’s new prescription drug task force.

    • therblig

      “Opioids are good and need to cost more” – Mission Statement

      • Bananas Foster

        Heroin dealers would love that.

        • CindyinEncinitas

          He’s going to be the hit of the cellblock when they find out he’s a big-time drug dealer and he’s got no lieutenants in there to help him.

  • Joe Beese

    The Insufferable Dickhead enhancement will surely apply at sentencing.

    • Marion in Savannah

      At least. Is there an Intolerable Shitheel enhancement that could be added?

    • Major_Major_Major

      Insufferable Dickhead is a life sentence, sadly for everyone BUT the I.D.s

  • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

    Trump will call him “a good kid”.

    • Marion in Savannah

      And a “great businessman — he made great deals, the best.”

      • WotsAllThisThen

        “Not like Crooked Hillary who bilked her investors and jacked up the cost of life saving drugs after buying the patents! Really this is just a pathetic attempt to distract from the fact that I won the election and the FBI ought to be investigating her, not me.”

    • JMP

      Trump will name him his next communications director, then fire him two weeks later.

      • JustDon’tSayDignity

        pfft. like Martin could last 14 hours.

    • FlownΩver

      Look for a last-minute pardon, but don’t bother looking for the concurrent contribution to the Make America Grift Again fund – it’s there, but you’ll never see it.

  • JustDon’tSayDignity
  • bbayliss

    Neck circumference?

  • wide_stance_hubby

    Once his fellow inmates see those unstoppable guns of his, he’ll have his pick of the litter.


  • Mavenmaven

    Trump will pardon him and make him head of the NIH.

  • Vincent Ricola

    I’m glad we’re ending the day by uniting on our shared hatred of this douche instead of the left vs left vs trolls vs bots Democratic party discussions. Solidarity.

    • (((fka_donnie_d)))

      If we always agreed on everything, we’d be Trumpanzees.

    • doktorzoom

      Oh, but we have an EVEN BETTER thing to actually end the day on!

      • wide_stance_hubby


        • JustDon’tSayDignity

          I agree. Don’t talk dirty unless you’re going to put out!

        • doktorzoom

          Patience. It’s skedded for 4:50.

          • Creepoman

            Mountain time?

          • wide_stance_hubby

            heh heh

      • Major_Major_Major

        So which of y’all are getting the 1730 ET Trump dump duty tonight, Dok?

    • Eileen Besse


  • WotsAllThisThen

    You guys, I think I found my Nigerian prince!

    • (((fka_donnie_d)))

      If he’s that color and he claims to be Nigerian, my money’s on “adopted”.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    Aww, happy nice times on the Friday afternoon! I’m going to celebrate by drinking less, tonight.

    • CindyinEncinitas

      Are you sure that’s a good idea? I mean, a giant meteor could be headed our way. You can’t be too careful, bro.

  • CindyinEncinitas

    His mom should start feeding him Twinkies right now.

  • Alex Grey
  • JMP
    • FlownΩver

      Ah, the good old days – red band uniforms and gray skin.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Instead of the Dickhead Surcharge being added to his sentence, could it be used to revoke his right to appeal? One trial was plenty.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • natoslug

      He really sucks at faking human emotion, doesn’t he?

      • jowgajen

        It’ll sink in when they give him the orange jumpsuit.

    • Creepoman

      I find it difficult to compose a response to this picture because might right hand keeps instinctively clenching into a fist.

      • bupkus231

        I wuz gonna say, that face doesn’t really look like someone having a sadz. It looks like someone anticipating a blowjob or somethin’ – just about ready to break out into a smile.

        Sadness? Rue? No fuckin’ way….

    • Maggielle

      Really bad nose job.

  • jowgajen

    So, assuming this is the open thread.

    I can’t believe this is Kesha. (Who I previously found way too trashy to listen to.)

    But apparently, girl can sing and she has a mad. That Luke asshole was holding her back! You should give her a new listen, imo.

    • doktorzoom

      It is not actually the Open Thread. Wait another fifteen minutes :)

      • Covfefe


        • Old town Urbandale

          And then, this being Friday, Trump will do something incredibly… incredible which will require a post open-thread addition.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            heh, I’ve already got two links on that score for the OT.

          • Major_Major_Major

            What’s the theme of this weeks 1730 Trump Dump? My money is the latest rat to scurry out of the sinking ship of state.

          • bupkus231

            Incredibly incredible, or just your common, everyday incredible? I have to know if I have to make room on my schedule….

      • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

        IOW, “cool your jets, sonny”

    • Ke$ha is fucking incredible, she writes for pretty much everyone in pop music these days, seriously talented writer.

  • Crystalclear12

    Due to commenting rules I will be holding my own counsel.

    But I am thinking it very loudly.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Make sure that you think it very loudly with votes.

      • Crystalclear12

        Where are my rusty, sharp votes?

        • redarmyzombie

          Rusty, sharp, wolverine-laden votes.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      By touching your avatar, I can make out the gist of it–funny!

  • notanncoulter

    gives me a sad.


  • WomanInThePersistence

    Only 3 Charges? What is wrong with those prosecutors?

  • Creepoman

    “His price gouging on pharmaceuticals made him a pariah, but was perfectly legal.”

    Once again proving you’re only fucked if you steal from the rich.

  • You laugh, but he’ll be the GOP nominee come 2024 or 2028. There is no bottom to the barrel of deplorables.

    • Old town Urbandale

      Maybe Price will get moved to some other cabinet position, and Shkrelli will be the new Secretary of Health and Human Services. Hey, he’s got experience in the health industry, even if he’s not human.

  • reelreeler

    Did he screw rich and powerful people out of money? If so, he might get a huge sentence like Bernie Madoff. But if he only fucked over regular/powerless people, he’ll get a light sentence.

  • bookish

    Chocolate cake and firing missiles are a reward that should be used sparingly. Do not, as my predecessor did, just let him have them because you have gotten sick of trying to control him and want a moment’s peace.

    • The Librarian

      Well, you can’t put him in front of the teevee, what’s a handler to do? 🤔

      • bupkus231

        Sure you can – just put him in front of PBS and take away the remote.

        • The Librarian

          Good idea! PBS is too smart, will cause a sploady head.

          • bupkus231

            I dunno – now that I’ve thought about it, that’s only likely to get him thinking about defunding the NEA again…..

          • The Librarian

            Hmmmm, back to the drawing board…… :)

  • Alex Grey

    $5 million bail is most likely a pittance for this POS. He should have been labeled a flight risk, and denied bail of any sort.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      again, he paid $1M for a one of a kind album, so yeah, I think so.

      • Alex Grey

        Oh right, I forgot about that.

  • La forza del resistino

    A month and 5 days deliberation? The jurors either liked the a.m. donut service and catered lunches or just wanted a break from their day jobs.

    • Covfefe

      La froza, where have you been? It’s New York. They breakfast on buttered biscuits, or some such thing.

      • La forza del resistino

        when in NYC, I go with a crullah

        • Covfefe

          I know your type. Next, you’ll go with canned clams.

          • CindyinEncinitas

            Is he a MONSTER? Papers, please…

  • azeyote

    if he takes his attitude to prison ( if rich people go there anymore ) someone will do what some of us would like to see – give that smirk a good punch –

  • William
  • bupkus231

    LOL – One has to wonder what an “Insufferable Dickhead penalty” might be….

    • Crystalclear12

      They treat them like a black defendant.

      • bupkus231

        Nah – that’s “cruel and unusual ” treatment. He is, after all, a rich white guy.

  • Serai 1
  • Covfefe

    If he was talking to reporters “outside the court,” the judge continued his bond until sentencing. If I had been the judge, I would have revoked his bond as soon as the jury left the courtroom, but federal judges rarely do that.

  • Professor Fate

    And sometimes life gives you a slice of lemon and puts said slice into a glass of tonic with splash of gin. I’m sure the little creep will appeal until the end of time and try to weasel out of any jail time ‘i’m not a real criminal I don’t rob people with guns” but for the moment the system as flawed as it is has stamped the word GUILTY on his forehead. That will do for the moment. Cheers.

    • Serai 1

      And sometimes life wraps that slice of lemon ’round a large gold brick.

      • Professor Fate

        and hits you in the forehead with it. You seem a frood who who knows where is towel is.

    • Jim Johnson

      Speaking of branding…
      I’d like to see an obscenity, like TRUMP, tattooed on his forehead.
      Like one of those gaudy trash palaces that decent people avoid like the plague.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Not that dump, the White House?

  • Michael R
  • WiscoJoe

    This reminds me of a conversation I overhead after Gaddafi died. Two elderly gentleman were watching the breaking news over breakfast at a diner. One of them turned to the other and said, “The only reason those people killed their own leader is because they were jealous of how much money he had.”

    Persecution complex. It’s not just for the persecuted anymore.

    • HorseChestnut

      Never was.

  • chortlingdingo

    Has anyone heard from Snarkbot after this morning? I’ve been thinking about him all day.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      what happened? This is the second comment asking after him.

      • chortlingdingo

        He essentially left us a suicide note on the agenda post this morning.

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          oh holy shit. Thx, I didn’t know what was up.

          • elviouslyqueer

            Jesus, really?

          • TJ Barke

            There’s more than a couple of us around here that aren’t that far off from that bad. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think about it, every day…

          • chortlingdingo

            I’m really hoping he reached out for some help.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            i jsut read it. It’s awful; that would be me without the support of the TX mom, who’s pensions help.

  • The Librarian

    I needs moar dart 🎯 boards for that smarmy mug, but am running out of space.

  • elviouslyqueer

    No offense, Dok, but tl;dr summary: Fuck this guy forever.

  • In court poor ol’ Martin Shkreli
    Felt his knees start to turn into jelly
    He awoke in the jail
    All clammy and pale
    And an obscene tattoo on his belly

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Ha… the time I woke up like that is was just that my ears had been painted with blue tempura paint…

      But of course, I didn’t notice that for awhile…

      • OutOfOrbit

        of course, who would?

        • Beanz&Berryz

          Exactly, who looks at their ears first thing in the morning with no mirror? I suppose the tip-off later in the day from a different housemate was better than starting to wash my face and think I was bleeding blue… Not that I’m some blue-blood schmuck.

          • OutOfOrbit

            i tend to avoid mirrors at all times

  • Anna Rompage

    Maybe they could put Martin in the same cell as Jared, and they can tell stories back and forth about how great the once were…

    • Beanz&Berryz

      About earning their success

    • bupkus231

      Now THAT”S “cruel and unusual pinishment” – for either of them ( presuming Jarhead is convicted of anything )

      • Augustus

        Oh, he’ll be convicted alright

        whether he ever sees the inside of a cell, that’s pretty doubtful

    • Jim Johnson

      They seem like a matched set of sociopaths.
      Only the most gilded of cages for these creeps.

  • Vincent Ricola

    Does this mean we get the Wu-Tang album now?

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      asset forfeiture? Here’s hoping.

      • Jennifer R

        I wonder if the rights could be retained by the government as an asset or if they would have to be auctioned off.

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          auction I would guess. THat’s how they seem to do that when I was doing gov auctions. U.S. Marshals and DEA were big on that.

          They can’t get any other value from it, I imagine.

      • Gigglesnort

        The company of which he was CEO (Retrophin) is suing him for $65 million. I think that is still pending. $65 mill would about wipe him out.

        • Jim Johnson

          Fine. Wipe this stain away. Be gone.

      • aureolaborealis

        Dory ain’t nuthin to mess with.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      I’ve been hoping for the longest time that they would decide to give it a wide release and thus render his million dollar or whatever it was investment useless. Plus, I like Wu-Tang. I imagine there’s some contractual reason they can’t, but hey, we are living in the age of leaks…

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Since when are we allowed to have nice things?

  • Shanzgood

    This poor guy.

    Yeah, no. Everyone wants you to DIAF.

    I wanna know why Dems are supporting anti-choice candidates. No more sorries.

    • Jennifer R

      Careful Shanz there is a guy going around saying how we are all just single issue voters when we voice any displeasure at all over policies that put our health care and lives at stake.

      • Shanzgood

        Who is he? Fuck him.

        • Jennifer R

          Christopher Smith

          • Shanzgood

            Hrmph. Whatever.

          • Jennifer R

            Just another bad opinion haver with a private profile.

      • janecita

        Fuck it! Then I’m a single issue voter. I work for Planned Parenthood, I’ll never, ever support an anti-choice candidate.

      • Persistent Demme

        I’m all for compromise for the sake of electability.
        But, anti-choice?
        A bridge too far, my friend.

      • SeeTrain65

        “I’m not going back to that Kamala Harris post, and you can’t make me. Fourteen Silkwood Showers and I still have the BernieBro’s patchouli stink all over me.”

    • OutOfOrbit

      what jen r. said

    • janecita

      I completely agree, I would never vote for an anti-choice candidate.

      • anon_the_great

        And if an anti-choice Dem runs in your Congressional district on down don’t vote for them, but I doubt you face that choice.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Because the anti-choice Republican will be much better. Right.
          Save the purity for the primary.

    • Because the lefter than thous are saying we have to.

  • Bitter Scribe

    Asked about his client’s social-media antics, attorney Ben Brafman conceded it was something they would be working on.

    Along with his warden, presumably.

  • jowgajen
    • Me not sure

      Remarkably, he looks more punchy in real life.

      • Shalimar

        He does, there is no way around that, but this is still a level of douchiness that is amazing for a sketch artist to capture.

    • Randy Riddle

      I think this is the first courtroom sketches I’ve seen that were influenced by Picasso.

      • wavicles


  • Reximus
  • CountryClubJihadi

    Looking forward to his new album: Boo Hoo Tang Klan: Toss My Salad

    • chazmanr

      If comments were allowed here, we would frown on making prison rape jokes.

      • kareemachan

        But if it were with votes?

  • OrdinaryJoe

    You have to wonder, if the Obama DOJ had put some banksters in jail after the WallStreetShitStorm of 07-08, would this asswipe have tried to pull off financial fuckery three years later? Until there is enforcement against the BIG financial gangsters like the Goldman Syndicate, this will just keep happening.

    • Yeah. PART of this cretins smug smirkiness comes about because he knows how the rules of the game are actually played. Let’s not forget that he ISN’T even being charged for half of the shit that Wonkette listed here.

  • chascates
  • TJ Barke

    Martin’s the kind of guy that should not ever be allowed to have any sort of authority over anyone.

  • DainBramage
    • Msgr_MΩment

      Bigotry AGAINST?!?!?

  • YoBunnyBunny

    “…sometimes his “people skills” need work.”

    Uhhhh… No. That right there is an insult to socially awkward people everywhere. The only people skills he needs is to learn how to fuck right off to the end of the world.

  • IdiokraticDrumpfenResistance In People’s Republic, such a person would sentenced to 20 years of attitude adjustment.

    • Me not sure

      With a side of flogging.

    • Jukesgrrl

      Pharmacist libelz!

    • Bebecca

      20 years of minimum wage labor would be justice

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Farm worker wages – and 20 years of picking lettuce.

  • Eileen Besse

    OZ. Please, please, please, please. OZ.

  • beatbort

    “There is an image issue that Martin…”
    That’s it. It’s just a matter for public relations.

    • Moar Wordz

      Full on Derp & Argle Bargle, akin to saying Bhopal was a a smoggy day

  • Me not sure
  • andyshelt
  • Canis Greyhame

    Whenever they tell us the “job creators” need to have even more tax cuts, so as to create more jobs, I can’t help but picture Shkrelli smirking in agreement.

    • Jim Johnson

      This creep is the face of the Greedy Oligarch Psychopaths party.

  • TootsStansbury

    I hate to be earnest in the snarky non-comments, but yay, it’s nice to see justice served once in a while. I’d like to see more cops and of course GOP leadership getting justice desserts, but I’ll take what I can get.

    • Mark Lungo

      It’s okay, Toots. We can be earnest once in a while. Just don’t make a habit of it. ;-)

      • You be Earnest. I will be Jen.

        • sarafina

          Can I be Frank? (not the underboob version)

    • Damian L

      Justice will be served if this POS actually gets to inhabit a jail cell long enough to have to use the shower facilities.

      • I hope the judge does the full 20. Fuck him. No chance of parole either.

        • Lulu’s Mom

          I’ll be shocked if he spends a day in jail. This is amurka! Criming rich guys get promoted & rewarded…. not sent to prison.

      • doktorzoom

        Please review the rules. We don’t do prison rape jokes. You may want to rethink your standards for what constitutes humor if you get a chuckle out of the thought of someone — yes, even a jerk like Shkreli — being violently raped. What’s funny about that?

        — Dok Zoom, Yr Friendly Neighborhood Comments Moderator

    • I wouldn’t break out the party favors just yet. I’ll bet you he serves 1/20th of that sentence.

      • Moar Wordz

        Yeah, thought the same

  • Rick Hill

    One more argument that the rich are not so smert. Anyone who looks at that face and thinks they can trust him with their money isn’t the brightest bulb.

  • Poly_Ester

    How did the Trump Organization miss getting this guy?

    • He was already under indictment.

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        Weak! Sad!

      • Mehmeisterjr

        And still better than Bannon.

    • Wookie Monster

      He’d make a perfect ethics advisor for Trump.

  • Wookie Monster

    If he’s hit with a big fine, might I suggest a GoFundMe where backers bid on one of several slots to kick him in the balls, repeatedly.

  • Jamoche

    Aw, it’s so sweet when a lawyer really loves his client.

    “Brafman predicted that Shkreli would someday go on to develop cures to terrible diseases that afflict children.”


    • Mehmeisterjr

      Reality check: Did Shkreli develop anything?

      I thought he just bought something (with money he stole in a stock fraud scheme) and jacked up the price.

      • Jamoche

        Yep. He (or his PR people) tried using the “this money is going into research for other drugs” excuse, but even that didn’t fly – he wasn’t buying research companies, his entire model was buying up the rights to older drugs and repricing them.

      • wavicles

        He develooed into the affliction himself.

      • SeeTrain65

        He did develop a horrible facial tick that made him look like a complete douche bag.

    • “Brafman predicted that Shkreli would someday go on to develop cures to terrible diseases that afflict children.”

      Fixed! (The illness would be the dreaded “runming-at-the-mouth” disease, by the way.)

    • Affluenza?

  • Lambsendbeds

    All the upvotes for the Big Gay Al shoutout!

  • Jonny On Maui

    May prison be more than he could ever imagine.

    • Bud

      He can become hardcore and release his own rap album.

  • dshwa

    Lock him up and fire the key into the sun.

  • Skadi

    They had trouble finding an impartial jury because even people who didn’t know who he was hated him on sight.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      That is not disqualifying. Everybody hates him on sight, so it is all equal.

    • Bud

      We the members of the jury find the defendant guilty as charged. He is sentenced to 20 years of face punching by the general public, at a charge of $5 per session.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    Sometimes the dumbfucker gets so bad that I can only take refuge in music.

  • VikingAPRNCNP

    I think a month in supermax would take the edge off.

  • He looks like a corrupted Keebler elf

  • Alan

    Felony douchery.

  • Lyly Sirivong

    Good. Now can you give Wu Tang’s album back to them ?

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    B-list rappers prancing around a Veyron – he couldn’t have found a more appropriate video if he tried.

  • Belasaurius

    will this conviction keep him from running for political office?

  • Rickyphoo

    I don’t think it matters how long of a prison sentence he gets, (although, I would love to see the full 20 years), because with an ego, attitude and mouth like his, prison is not going to be very much fun for him. I see lots of solitary confinement or prison medical unit in his future.

  • Azazael

    Got myself banned from CSN. Who hoo

  • norcalOG

    His people skills need work? Sure, that must be why the people wouldn’t mind seeing him dragged around the infield at Yankee Stadium with a chain around his neck.
    Even better, the people will be satisfied seeing in placed in a cell with bald tattooed guy (any race or ethnicity) whose mother could not afford the outrageously priced medication he was hawking.
    Yes. Let the people speak.

  • Nik Davis

    Rip off the little people: Shitty, but legally A-OK!!


    Ok, maybe that’s an exaggeration, but you get the idea…

    • Wes

      I don’t mind dickheads getting their comeuppance in other not related ways. Karma catches up eventually.

      • Bud

        Karma is being lazy. Charles and David Koch will live to be a hundred. I don’t want karma, I want imprisonment and beheadings.

  • calliecallie

    Best tweet I saw about this was something along the lines of: “Clearly rap music leads to criminal behavior, because he purchased that Wu Tang Clan album.”

    Paraphrasing, but you get the gist.

  • Moar Wordz

    Martin Shkreli: His shit – eating 😀 forever plastered all over the internet

  • Bud

    Guys like this will be responsible for making beheading rich people great again.

  • Jeff Mc Donald

    Wait. A rich white guy bilked investors out of lots of money. Where’s the crime? I believe he will get less than the average crack head stickup artist. This is still America, after all!

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