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Hello there, Wonketariat! We’ve got a big day ahead, but here’s a few of the things we may be talking about today.

 

Trump’s “new” immigration policy (from February) favors the regal, pompous Not Americans, and seeks to push back boats with the huddled masses BECAUSE they’re tired and poor.

Jeff Sessions’s plan to investigate “intentional race-based discrimination” against white people at colleges is sending the Republican base in to a orgiastic frenzy, which is a little ironic considering how the Republican base regularly criticizes people with a college education.

Senate Republicans don’t really care if Trump cuts off their government-sponsored healthcare plans, but their staffers are quietly threatening to revolt if bosses kill their health insurance policies.

The bipartisan band-aid for the ACA from Patty Murray and Lamar Alexander is proving to be a tough sell as many Senators are cautious to approach it head-on and have it branded directly to their foreheads.

An uneasy alliance is forming among Steve Mnuchin, Mitch McConnell, Paul Ryan, and congressional Democrats over the looming debt ceiling, but there’s still debate on where to hide the legislation from Ted Cruz and the Freedom crazies.

H.R. McMaster has “You’re Fired” ANOTHER Mike Flynn suckup, Ezra Cohen-Watnick. McMaster was apparently pissed after an article about his inability to “You’re Fired” Cohen-Watnick ran in a magazine, linking Cohen-Watnick to the Bannon’s batshit Breitbart weirdos.

Gay hatin’ Rep. Scott Garret has been given a second chance to rescue his nomination to the Export-Import bank, so he’s making the rounds on Capitol Hill to explain how his hatred of the Export-Import bank and LGBT people is not really not that big of a deal.

Silicon Valley is sounding off against a proposed online sex trafficking bill, accusing the legislation of unnecessary censorship and for its “whack-a-mole” approach to shutting down specific websites.

George Nesterczuk has withdrawn himself for consideration for the head of OPM after over a dozen labor groups pointed out that he’s made a career screwing over federal workers.

Sean Spicer continues to haunt the White House grounds weeks after The Mooch killed both of their political careers, and speculation continues to grow over who will be the the new ex-Comms Director. Look between the bushes!

A US citizen detained by ICE back in 2007 was held for three years before finally being released, and now he’s been denied compensation for false imprisonment as it would mean that the ICE has something other than, “papers, please.”

Sarah Huckabee Sanders denies that Trump lied when he said Trump received praising phone calls from the Boy Scouts and the Mexican president, stating that those conversations happened in person. Both the BSA and Mexico have denied the White House’s denial.

Trump is denying calling the White House “a dump,” despite saying it in front of a group of staffers and Bedminster golf club members.

Hardcore right-wing Republicans are sticking with Trump, but the most recent polls show Trump’s LOW RATINGS continue to spread.

Kentucky Governor Matt Bevin fired off a couple of mean tweets when a local TV station flew a drone over his house for a story about the state investigation into the value of property Bevin says is worth less than what he paid for it. The station ultimately used the footage; subtly reminding the governor that he’s under investigation for sweetheart land deals.

An article in a Vatican-vetted magazine is critical of President Bannon and conservative American Catholics, stating hardcore ultra conservatives are “not too far apart” from jihadists. It’s unclear if the article received the Pope’s blessing, but considering the last meeting between the Pope and Trump, we can make a few inferences.

Mark Zuckerberg has hired Hillary Clinton’s pollster, Joel Benenson for no reason in particular. No reason at all. Nope. Just because.

A judge has greenlit a class action suit against Comcast’s hidden fees for broadcast TV, stating that it’s entirely possible Comcast breached its own contract when it started jacking up prices and fees without telling anyone.

John Oliver can’t talk about the lawsuit filed against him by coal king and “Dr. Evil” impersonator, Bob Murray but the ACLU can, and it’s written a nice letter explaining why it’s legally cool to tell Bob Murray to “eat shit.”

The Mooch will hold an internet thing on Friday to explain why he was “You’re Fired” after giving the world the mental image of Steve Bannon sucking his own cock.

And here’s your late night wrap-up! Stephen Colbert wondered if Trump’s English will be on his immigration exam; Jimmy Kimmel had a message for white people about discrimination with David Alan Grier; Seth Meyers took A Closer Look at how Trump-Russia keeps mutating; The Daily Show talked about affirmative action with Jordan Klepper and Roy Wood Jr.; and Samantha Bee ‘splainered how the GOP sabotaged Obamacare, then sang a musical for Kris Kobach.

And here’s your morning Nice Time! Lemur babies!

Help us out, will you? Toss a few Ameros our way and we’ll keep giving you the newses!

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  • armed_bears
    • OutOfOrbit

      i dunno he looks pissed off to me

      • Gayer Than Thou

        He looks like he’s pissing in the pool and hoping you don’t notice.

        • SomeBigRedDog

          He was in front of my condo the other night rolling empty beer bottles around the parking lot. I’m pretty sure he’s just hung over.

        • armed_bears

          Bear libelz…. well, just this once.

    • From Russia with Love

      “I will eat your liver for this.”

    • therblig

      he’s no Gladly, the cross-eyed bear.

  • Bill D. Burger

    “The Trump Colonoscopy” will replace “The New Colossus” on the Statue of Liberty.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DGR3g3RUAAA2AzB.jpg

  • Ezio

    OT: Am I the only one around here who thinks that Stephen Miller resembles Gomer Pyle’s racist twin?

  • Gayer Than Thou

    Just saying this now – I’m not going to have much patience for patronizing mansplaining about how Zuckerberg is the more pure, more “electable” Democrat than, say, Kamala Harris.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Oh goodness, you’re going to want to avoid Twitter forever, in that case. Really, the whole Intertubes.

    • spangled

      i’m having a premonition of some 30 year white guy with a shitty beard and a rose emoji in his profile yelling at me on twitter like “the zuck understands real american workers better than SHAMala ever will!”

      • bupkus231

        “SHAMala”???? OMG, tell me you made that up yourself, and it’s not gaining currency with the RWNJs already? That’s all we need another one of their brain-dead “cute” nicknames.

        • spangled

          i made it up, i’m going to patent it, and every rwnj who uses it from now is going to owe me a dollar. i’m going to be rich i tell ya!

    • coozledad

      Get ready for “Blackahontas.” You know it’s coming.

    • Snopes Shop

      Sanders will be running again, so…

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Nounverb911
    • wait! what?

      Lemurocracy can be somewhat dickish.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      This is everyone you’ve ever trained ever.

    • Joe Beese

      “The lemurs are coming, hurray hurray…”

    • coozledad

      I see Priebus hasn’t quite made his White House exit.

    • Werewolf

      I like to move it, move it….🎶

  • snigsy

    Lemurs are so cool.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      They might be the only monkeys I like.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        They’re less disturbing than other monkeys – more primitive – so, less like us and more like raccoons.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Joe Beese

    Congresscritters can’t even wipe their ass without dedicated and underpaid staff support. “I’m rich enough not to care about my Obamacare stipend” is not a workable plan.

    • It is however the proper response to “take away Congress’s healthcare”

      Because it shows why this popular threat is vacuous and hurts, yet again, the not-rich.

      It’s like threatening Alaska Palin, saying that if she keeps uttering nonsense, her public library card will be suspended

      • From Russia with Love

        She doesn’t have one. She was kinda stumped when the clerk said “sign here.”

  • MISTY’S MYSTERIOUS MONSTER HORROR THEATER: SPECIAL ILLEGAL ALIENS EDITION

    In the motion picture EVIL BRAIN FROM OUTER SPACE tired, unwashed, huddled ILLEGAL ALIENS plot to STEAL OUR JOBS!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jd4jZoKGK5A

    Force every SCHOOL CHILD to watch to learn THE TRUTH!

    • Bill D. Burger

      Also/too…highly reminiscent of The Bannon Family reunion. Just needs a few white hoods.

    • snigsy

      Is that a meeting in the Oval Office?

      • Cock Blockula

        Look more like the Last Supper for Robots.

      • From Russia with Love

        Not nearly enough taint licking for that.

    • wait! what?

      I KNEW MST3K wasn’t dead…

    • Lance Thrustwell

      That looks like a really fun movie! I may watch it some time when I’m in a chemically enhanced frame of mind.

    • therblig

      Scooty-Puff Jr SUCKS!!!

  • Latverian Diplomat

    A brief play, featuring a Republican Senator and one of his staffers:

    Staffer: You better not cut off my health insurance, Senator.
    Senator: Oh yeah, what are you gonna do about it, tough guy!
    Staffer: Well, I could let some of your actual constituents in to see you.
    Senator: Very well…you win. Also, get me a fresh pair of pants.

    • From Russia with Love

      A .01 act play!

  • beingreleased

    “Sarah Huckabee Sanders denies that Trump lied when he said Trump received praising phone calls from the Boy Scouts and the Mexican president, stating that those conversations happened in person. Both the BSA and Mexico have denied the White House’s denial.”

    I think a perfectly valid question would be: “Does the President think he received these phone calls?”

    While I’m pretty sure I don’t want to know the answer, it is a question that needs to be answered. And if the answer is “Yes,” does that mean that the President is completely delusional or did Jared Kushner call him up and say “Hello. This is the Boy Scouts. Bestest Speech EVER!!!”

    • Gayer Than Thou

      I really wish they had pressed her eve harder on this.

    • wait! what?

      Could be, but no one wants J.K.’s cookies.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      I suspect the calls came from the mysterious “John Barron”.

    • OutOfOrbit

      he makes statement with no conscious cognizance, if it suits him he says it. period. that is all

    • Joe Beese

      She would say he “misspoke”.

      The follow-up should be: “What is the name of the individual who told him this in person?”

      She’ll then have to come up with some bullshit about “not at liberty to discuss private conversations”, but at least make her work for her buck.

  • MrTusks

    Comcast is currently railing me on the price of internet, but the only other broadband provider in my area is Verizon, and they promise to rail me just as hard after a 6 month honeymoon. I cut cable long ago and it could be worse, but jesus.

    • beingreleased

      While I hate to defend Verizon, I actually haven’t had any problems with their internet service. I telework regularly and need fast, reliable internet to do my job (a lot of WebEx telecoms), and have never had an internet emergency (except for the time they “upgraded” my router and it took a while to get it set up properly).

      Of course, when they decide to block Netflix so I’ll be forced to pay for their TV service, the revolution begins.

      • MrTusks

        I have no problem with Comcast’s service, either, but I’m not gonna go through the effort of switching if the price is gonna be the same.

        • Alan

          Just curious, how much do you pay?

          • MrTusks

            Like $89 for the high-tier broadband all by itself. I used to have a triple-play but cut it when they jacked the bill up to $220 for no reason. I have never regretted it. I probably could negotiate a lower price but that means I’ll have to talk to a Comcast person, so no thanks.

          • Alan

            Holy shit! Now I know what you’re complaining about. I get pissed every month when I pay ATT $40.

          • MrTusks

            And that’s after I got my own modem and shoved their modem rental fee back up their asses!

        • beingreleased

          I’ll admit, I just assumed Comcast’s service was shitty. Once, back when I actually watched TV, we tried to get comcast installed and they acted like they were doing us a favor by giving us TV. We eventually just gave up on them.

          • MrTusks

            When I cut the cord, the guy came out to collect my two cable boxes. Then Comcast billed me for them because they didn’t get them. I called and politely invited them to go fuck themselves, and they suddenly found the record of the boxes being returned. That’s the only instance of overt dipshittery I’ve had to endure from them.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I’ve always wondered what will finally kick off the revolution in America. I thought it would be the price of diabetes medication, but forcing people to pay exorbitant rates for TV service they don’t want could also be the match that lights the fuse.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          No beer and no TV make Homer something something

          • beingreleased

            Go crazy? Don’t mind if I do!

        • Vincent Ricola

          I hope so. I’ve been pissed off about having to pay for a million religious channels in order to watch my HGTV programs for way too long now and will be happy to riot over this worthy cause.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            Same here. Trump could regain popularity if he forced Comcast to cut their rates in half.

    • Joe Beese

      When I start feeling sorry for myself because of how profoundly shitty America’s Internet access is, I remind myself that 780 million people don’t have access to clean water.

      It helps for a little while.

      • MrTusks

        That’s why the net neutrality thing is more interesting than scary to me. What will be interesting will be how violently the market reacts if the telecoms attempt some fuckery with the streaming services. I can temporarily live without Netflix and high-speed broadband, and I suspect a lot of other people can too. People are already abandoning cable, so does Comcast think that doublefucking cord cutters somewhere else will succeed?

      • beingreleased

        That’s true, but as far as internet service goes, we’re far behind most European countries, South Korea, Japan, etc. I actually want the US to be a world leader, and lots of people (e.g., Congressional Republicans and Trump voters), don’t.

        • Joe Beese

          I don’t think they’re against fast Internet per se. But the telecoms have a vested interest in stifled competition and they have very deep pockets to make sure it stays that way.

          • Internet Hitler

            Chicago went without cable TV for years because of arguments over who gets the biggest cut.

    • SomeBigRedDog

      Call them up in six months and ask them to extend the honeymoon rate or you are going back to comcast. This has never not worked for me.*

      *Current internet bill $29.99 a month for the last 2.5 years.

      • MrTusks

        I admire your tenacity!

        • SomeBigRedDog

          Every time I do this they ask me if I want to bundle a phone with it and we all have a good laugh.

    • Internet Hitler

      Comcast should be pushing xfinity streaming instead of fading cable tech. Make a smart TV app that works well and it would take off. The Roku one we use is pretty good to start. $15 for local, basic cable and HBO ain’t bad.

      • Eileen Besse

        We use Roku and a digital antenna for the local channels. I feel like we’re saving TONS of money….

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “Drain the swamp! Also, US Citizenship for sale, any sufficiently high bid accepted.”
    — Donald Trump

    • therblig

      Cash only! No refunds!!

  • Red Bird

    King Julian!

  • Nounverb911

    SO much for Kelly stopping the leaks….
    https://twitter.com/kylegriffin1/status/893098964999974912

    • Joe Beese

      “President…” [checks notes] “… Nieto! It’s an honor to speak with you. I have a great, great respect for Mexico. Trump Tower serves the best taco bowls anywhere – ask anyone.”

      • bupkus231

        As it is, this conversationcasts doubt on the WH contention that Rump and Pena Nieto had a cordial, face-to-face conversation at the G20 summit to cover up their lie about Rump receiving a phone call from Pena Nieto.

        They just never stop…

  • TJ Barke

    How long til the bread lines that only whites are allowed in?

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      And only white bread to boot.

      • therblig

        i will only accept the upper crust.

      • Sedagive ’em Hell

        Whole wheat is for Cosmopolitan traitors.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          A rye observation on your part.

          • Sedagive ’em Hell

            We’re gonna pumpernickel – with votes!

          • therblig

            we’re glutens for punishment

    • Ezio

      “Socialism never took root in America because the poor see themselves not as an exploited proletariat, but as temporarily embarrassed millionaires.” = “White working class” in a nutshell.

      • therblig

        that’s why they go wild over “repeal the death tax”, dreaming of the millions and millions they’ll be leaving their families.

        as if.

        • MrTusks

          Currently the minimum estate value for the federal estate tax to take effect is $5.49 million. The estates of most Trump voters consists of one heavily-mortgaged house and a couple grand in a checking account.

          Why Democrats can’t run with a vocal, consistent “Does this actually help you?” message in response to everything Republicans want is baffling to me.

        • bupkus231

          They’re actually dreaming of the long-lost rich uncle who’s gonna die and leave them all his munnies.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        This is born out by the fact that the traditional retailers to middle America-Sears, Macy’s etc.-are floundering. The stores that are thriving are “dollar stores”, for those who recognize that they don’t have two nickels to rub together, and luxury Gucci type outlets catering to those temporarily embarrassed millionaires who don’t mind living in a house with dirt floors as long as they can sport a little bling in public.

        • Claire

          And the malls with actually expensive stores. The high-end one near me is bustling, while any mall with a Radio Shack in it is basically in hospice care at this point.

    • PubOption

      They would then be loafers.

      • TJ Barke

        Is that where that term came from?

  • Randy Riddle

    I’ve figured out that Trump is actually Toonces, the Cat Who Can President.

    He just can’t President very well.
    https://68.media.tumblr.com/9fc8dcf1a48ebe036b9fb605d59c967a/tumblr_okui58C83I1qb4xj6o1_500.gif

  • ManchuCandidate

    Give us your entitled, your rich, your greedy 1%ers yearning to oppress

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Nounverb911
  • Bill D. Burger
    • From Russia with Love

      DO NOT KICK HIM ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE ATLANTIC.

      • Antonin Dvorak

        How about half way?

        • From Russia with Love

          Perfect. Not close enough to Greenland to swim there though.

  • BigCSouthside

    Trump fails and throws meat to “The Base”. It’s clockwork.

    This week is going great. The White House telling the Statue of Liberty to stick that torch up her ass is something I didn’t expect.

    Fuck it. Release the pee pee tapes and let’s get this party started.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    YOU MUST read that ACLU amicus brief on the Coal King lawsuit. It’s hilarious.

    • puredog

      IKR? It makes me want to refer to the complaint itself to see whether it includes a prayer for damages for “general butthurt.”

  • schmannity

    Remember Wonkagenga being Republicans losing their shit over some inane perception of Obama? Good times.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Remember when we thought the GOP was dead after their disastrous handling of the economy during the Bush presidency?

      • Joe Beese

        I’ve lost track of how many midterm losses were characterized as “[losing midterm party] Is Dead”.

      • schmannity

        Which Obama time travelled and retroactively wrecked?

      • OutOfOrbit

        and how many time have we said, “tRump can’t possibly survive this one.”

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          I thought he was toast after the “pussy grabber” tape was all over the news.

          • OutOfOrbit

            we were all so innocently naive back then

          • janecita

            That was a turn on for his unwashed followers.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            I’ll always remember that white trash woman with that “you can grab this pussy” T-shirt. I don’t think she had any idea that she’s too old and gross for Trump to grab.

          • Antonin Dvorak

            He was, and then Comey had to go and open his mouth.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            Fucking Comey…

        • Internet Hitler

          Before we found out America jumped the shark.

      • janecita

        A lot of Americans love voting against their best interests.

        • miss_grundy

          Not only do they love it but they are willing to do it repeatedly even when people are telling them it would be bad–very, very bad.

    • snigsy

      Remember when pundits worried that Clinton lacked the gravitas befitting the presidency?

    • Snopes Shop

      Yes. I didn’t like that.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Trump has been getting all sorts of interesting calls since Chief of Staff Kelly installed that new phone on his desk:

    https://img0.etsystatic.com/016/0/5604701/il_340x270.449989726_4enr.jpg

    • wait! what?

      Donald thinks the nose is his new Coke button.

  • janecita

    Will this “speak English” requirement also apply to Melania?

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      There’s a “not if you’re a 10” clause in there somewhere. Hot immigrants will always be welcomed by the GOP losers.

      • janecita

        She isn’t even close to a ten, so; Off with her head!

        • Lance Thrustwell

          Agreed. She’s pretty enough I suppose, but def. not my type.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            Well, you have to realize she’s been under the knife and that has changed her looks, and not necessarily for the better.

          • PubOption
          • Michael Smith

            Wow, she looks capable of making a facial expression.

          • miss_grundy

            At least she looked normal. Now, she looks like she has had so much plastic surgery and Botox that she resembles a plastic doll. One with very squinty eyes. Every time I see her, I wonder if she has to use glasses off-camera.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          That can be addressed through technology.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        “It’s funny how, as she got older, her English got worse…”
        — Donald Trump, testifying in combined divorce/deportation proceeding

      • Alan

        I think she’s ugly but that’s a matter of taste.

        • janecita

          So do I! I think that she was ugly when younger, and now she looks deformed.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          I don’t find her particularly attractive either. She’s a little too stiff looking for my tastes.

      • From Russia with Love

        Well, they know they don’t have a shot with regular American women.

    • Vicki Lawrence’s Covfefe

      Sure, once the botox stops working and it’s time to trade her in.

    • BigCSouthside

      Give me your 8-10s, your rich, and your non browns yearning to make us money

      • Internet Hitler

        Some of them are good people.

    • Mavenmaven

      It is waived if a rich old testifies that the applicant is “hawt”.

    • guppy06

      She’s able to to recite Michelle’s speeches just fine.

    • miss_grundy

      ¡epria!

  • Sedagive ’em Hell

    The ACLU’s amicus brief on behalf of John Oliver is a high-water mark for legal snark. Read it for sanity’s sake.

    Mr. Nutterbutter for the win!

    • puredog

      That’s “Doe 50” to you.

  • grindstone

    is it just me, or does the Cincinnati Zoo seem like a bastion of animal sexy fun times and baby-making? I feel I need to thank them for all the morning nice we get from them.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I’ve heard they’re a bunch of animals at that zoo.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      I would be willing to bet they accept donations.

      • grindstone

        I just tossed a pittance at Lt Col Amy McGrath for Congress, but next time, I’ll spread some their way.

    • SomeBigRedDog

      I was thinking the same thing! If I ever find myself in Ohio* I will have to visit.

      *I will never find myself in Ohio.

  • Nounverb911
    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I’m sure Fox News and the Tea Party will be all over this outrage!

      • OutOfOrbit

        well he works SO MUCH HARDER than that colored guy…

        • From Russia with Love

          Look at all his accomplishments so far!

          • Internet Hitler

            Here’s a list:

    • Oblios_Cap

      Nice work, if you can get it.

    • BigCSouthside

      Does the staff vacation with him? Because a bored Donald trump binge watching Fox seems really dangerous

    • Villago Delenda Est

      There is ALWAYS an anti-tweet from the past of Donald projecting into the future.

    • Joe Beese

      Hannity never tired of whining about Obama’s golf time either.

      Haven’t heard him mention golf lately.

      • From Russia with Love

        Republicans are born without a memory, it would seem.

    • therblig

      In accordance with Secret Service protocol, NJ will be known as “Shithole One” for the next 17 days.

    • Internet Hitler

      Investigating Golf Magazine fake news.

  • Michael Smith

    Regarding the Catholic thing, right-wing Catholics have already decided that Pope Francis is either the Anti-Christ or is paving the way for him. I guess when Obama stepped down as President and disappointed their hopes for imminent apocalypse they transferred their dreams to New Pope.

    I even saw an article online the other day – shared by a priest (who I knew before he was a priest, and who is almost certainly gay) about the third secret of Fatima. This refers to a prophecy apparently given by the Virgin Mary to three Portuguese kids in 1917. The article claims that the controversial “third part” of the prophecy means that the church will have an evil outsider come in and corrupt it, but that eventually true Catholics will see through him and rescue the church.

    Gee, I wonder if that’s supposed to make us think of the current guy, who has enraged True Believers everywhere by discouraging hatred of gay people, which hatred is, as we know, at the very core of Jesus’ teachings.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      This is the fun thing about “conservative” Christians of all creeds…they basically ignore the teachings of the Jesus in favor of something much more to their taste, which is hatred of the other.

    • BigCSouthside

      I still don’t know how anyone can still be catholic after the abuse thing. Who WANTS to be part of, and is proud to be part of a club that was cool with child abuse

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Yeah, but that guy was forced out.

        • BigCSouthside

          They canonized the dude before him who abso-fucking-lutely knew all about it.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        It’s more complicated than that. Progressive Catholics-and I’m speaking as one-are well aware and appalled by the historic injustices in the church. You stick around in the hopes that someone like Francis-or John XXIII before him, will throw open the windows and let a little light into the room.

        • BigCSouthside

          What is a progressive catholic?

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            That sounds like a trick question, but I grew up in the activist/social justice wing of the Catholic church, something that informs my life choices to his day.

          • BigCSouthside

            That’s what I don’t understand. What is Catholicism progressive about?

          • MrTusks

            Jesuits at least believe in science.

          • BigCSouthside

            This is true, I actually studied under benedictines too and they were generally pro science, but as a whole socially I couldn’t describe a dogmatic organization as progressive in any way.

          • Michael Smith

            I went to a Benedictine college that have several monk-professors and I became convinced that they were at least secretly agnostic, and just liked having a routine and an excuse to get away from people.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Concern for the poor and dispossessed, immigrants and refugees, economic justice…I could go on.

          • BigCSouthside

            The pope lives in an actual palace, and sits on a throne of gold. The Catholic Church owns extremely high end real estate all over the world, and makes more money than anyone knows about.

            What you’re describing is humanism, not Catholicism.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            I responded initially-and honestly-because your question struck me as similar to asking “how can you still be an American after the genocide of Native Americans” etc., ad infinitum. And the answer to that is complicated too, but it’s because that’s what you/I are, and something you feel strongly about, and you fight for a better outcome, all the long history of slavery, racism, economic exploitation, and injustice notwithstanding.

            I’m happy to discuss these issues, but I don’t feel any need to justify or rationalize my beliefs to placate others. You sound pretty firm in your disapproval, so we’ll just have to respectfully disagree.

          • BigCSouthside

            I guess I see a cognitive dissonance, the humanistic teachings of Christ (and he was pretty humanistic) are good things and imho what a Christ following organization should focus on. However, what makes Catholicism, well, catholicism, is the catechism. It’s laws/dogma that separates it from the zillion Lutheran derivatives, Judaism, Islam, and the eastern religions. The catechism is basically the antithesis of progressive

            “Progressive Catholic” is like “gay republican” to me. One of those things I know exists but I find that they are odd bedfellows, (and honestly never had anyone define a progressive catholic to me)

            You strike me as similar to me, I just don’t have the god stuff and my Sunday mornings are free. Most Catholics are not even close to me, mainly because of the laws/dogma etc.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            As Popeye said, I yam what I yam. I’d be the first to admit that my views aren’t always logically consistent, but who’s are? Of course I pick and choose to some degree to doctrine that appeals to my inclinations; everyone does. The more you learn about any real human being, the more complicated and challenging they become. I belong to a group called Catholic Democrats; pretty much just like Wonkette… more or less normal people from all walks of life who share similar aims and values and, in some cases, Wonkette level snark that would make them right at home here. There are more of them/us than you might think. I mean, a lot of people believe in Bigfoot and chemtrails too, so there’s that.

            One contradiction you noted is that in every other walk of life, I am so totally NOT a joiner…clubs, organizations, stipulated creeds, dogmas etc. all tend to be fairly repellant to me. And even as a Catholic, my involvement tends to be pretty far off the mainstream.

            What I didn’t want was to get into some unwinnable pissing match. I enjoy your comments, which often come pretty close to what I’m thinking/feeling. FYI, I’m an inconsistent Mass-goer, and I’m not sure what you meant about “the good stuff”…I live alone with my dog at pretty much the poverty level. But yeah, you seem like someone I would probably be friends with in real life. Anyway, thanks for not ramping up the heat, and sorry if I got a bit defensive.

          • Michael Smith

            Well, I despise the misogyny, homophobia and xenophobia that is displayed in all forms of Christianity. But I’ll say this for Catholicism from which I am quite lapsed – I find its professed philosophy to be a bit more satisfying than that of most other churches I’ve come across.

            The Catholic Church at least has Catholic Social Teaching, which argues that all government policy needs to be considered from the perspective of its impact on the poor, and if the policy negatively impacts the poor it should be rejected because it violates government’s implicit duty to help the weakest members of society.

            But probably most vital to my reluctance to totally condemn the notion of Catholic Church are the teachers I had over the years that came from that organization. For example, I had a nun teacher in 8th Grade that taught us extensively about poverty and hunger in the world, and the role that the United States and other developed countries play in that. She showed us videos of how children lived in developing countries and we would talk about how limited their life possibilities were compared to our own. I was in her class on 9/11 and she was openly hostile to the nationalism and militarism on full display in its aftermath. At the time, brainwashed as I was by other grown-ups, I found some of her opinions to be self-righteous and contrarian. Only later did I realize she was one of the only people I knew at that time who had any semblance of real courage.

            That being said, the organization itself enabled generations of child abuse. This, of course, is not in line with their professed philosophy – but it is hard to separate the group from what they claim to believe. Especially when the group has so much money and could make more of an effort to address these wrongs than it does. While I think Pope Francis and people like him would probably be willing to get rid of quite a bit of the church’s wealth to that end, there’s a big wing in the church that thinks the sex abuse scandals are blown out of proportion and are being used to discredit the church unjustifiably – kind of “fake news” before that term became vogue. Which is appalling, and I’d rather not be on the same planet as those people, let alone in the same organization.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Or perhaps that last bit about the true Catholics has finally happened now that the guy who joined the Hitler Youth for the scholarships has retired to think about les garçons d’hier.

      • miss_grundy

        What about his l’homme aujourd’hui???

        • Carpe Vagenda

          That’s Msgr Aujourd’hui to you. Reportedly.

    • From Russia with Love

      I don’t know how New Pope sleeps at night surrounded by all those douche-bros at the Vatican. And you’d think those bros might take the whole “god’s mouthpiece on earth” thing a little more seriously if they really believed in that whole gig.

    • Red Bird

      The outsider was Pope Benedict.

  • BloviateMe

    Anybody else watch Stephanie Ruhle and think she’s like a brunette Claire Dunphy?

  • Nounverb911
    • Lance Thrustwell

      I ❤ Merriam-Webster.

      • Joe Beese

        Call me partisan, but I don’t remember them doing this with the last guy.

        • Internet Hitler

          Nope. M-W really came down on Obama every time he was a huge raging asshole. Every time.

          • Résistance Land Shark Ω

            Yes, they did … how many times was that again?

          • Internet Hitler

            Here’s a list:

    • miss_grundy

      This is how I feel every time I see something related to Tangerini……

  • calliecallie

    “Silicon Valley is sounding off against a proposed online sex trafficking bill…”
    I had to read that phrase several times, because it just didn’t sound right at all. But then I realized it’s because these sexist douchebags are actually that bad.

    • Joe Beese

      No one likes sex trafficking. (Except sex traffickers, I guess.) But this the latest attempt of the government to deal with a fundamentally-difficult-to-eradicate practice by punishing web sites rather than the malefactors exploiting them.

      It didn’t work with copyright infringement and it’s not going to work with this.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        It’s more political grandstanding; treating the symptom, not the disease.

        • Pretty much. Everyone can agree that it’s awful, but congress keeps attempting to make technology regulations without consulting experts. As a result they end up crafting bad legislation, or attaching their name to some awful policy crafted by some lobbying group with questionable intentions. It’s sad how many of these problems could be solved if people simply talked to coders, developers and engineers (via a professional Nerd-to-English interpreter, of course).

  • guppy06

    Silicon Valley is sounding off against a proposed online sex trafficking bill

    I got this far in and thought it’d be about techbros trying to protect their job perks.

  • Mark Zuckerberg running for office will not end well. Just sayin’…

    • BigCSouthside

      He would suck as president

    • Joe Beese

      He may turn me into a self-hating Jew if he does.

      • Skeptical_thinker

        Me, too, also, and in addition I am not even a Jew.

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      First President with Ausberger’s? And Jewish too (in this environment). That’ll end well.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • TJ Barke

      A sad cuck.

    • wait! what?

      So he’s not a better negotiator than Congress?

    • Mavenmaven

      just don’t say it to the press, wah wah wah. Sad!

    • From Russia with Love

      So much losing!

    • Lance Thrustwell

      What the hell was he even thinking when he first started saying that, anyway? His base would have been happy just to hear about the plans to build it, period.

      • Internet Hitler

        It’s a pattern.
        Say some stupid lie.
        Get called on it.
        Double down.
        Evidence cited.
        Deny saying it.

      • akryan

        It set him apart. Lots of Republicans gave lip service to building the wall. Claiming that not only would he build it but he’d also make Mexico pay for it, set off the tingle feelings for the base’s desire to bully the Messicans.

    • Joe Beese

      This has to be a post. Please.

      “On the wall, you and I both have a political problem,” Trump told Peña Nieto. “My people stand up and say, ‘Mexico will pay for the wall,’ and your people probably say something in a similar but slightly different language… I have to have Mexico pay for the wall — I have to. I have been talking about it for a two-year period.”

      Peña Nieto, however, was resistant to this and again insisted that his government would not pay for the wall.

      “My position has been and will continue to be very firm, saying that Mexico cannot pay for the wall,” he told Trump.

      “But you cannot say that to the press,” Trump insisted. “The press is going to go with that, and I cannot live with that.”

      Trump suggested that the two men agree to negotiate over how the wall would get paid for, and he said they could work out a deal where Mexico wouldn’t actually end up paying for it. Specifically, Trump told the Mexican president that funding for the wall “will work out in the formula somehow” and that Mexico’s share of the costs “will come out in the wash, and that is okay.”

      • Internet Hitler

        “A slightly different language…”

        Mios dio!

        • From Russia with Love

          To be fair, he was thinking about what a bitch learning Russian is.

          • miss_grundy

            And the apartment he will have to share in Moscow will be a veritable dump.

      • Joe Beese

        “Will work out somehow” is classic Trump, is it not?

      • Lyly Sirivong

        What a dumbass. That’ll teach him to make promises he can’t keep. Who am I kidding ? It probably won’t.

        • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

          We are witnessing incredible deal making!

        • miss_grundy

          He has been making promises his entire damned life. What has it gotten him? Lawsuits up the whazoo and every public statement that has been a lie is archived either via print, audio or video. If after 71 years on this earth he hasn’t learned how to control his speech, he never will.

      • We’re already working on it! :)

      • Michael Smith

        Yeah, cuz keeping what’s really going on from the press has been such an effective strategy so far.

      • NastyBossetti

        Why does he think it’s Mexico’s problem that he made some dumbass promise that he couldn’t keep? “Oh, you can’t live with that? Then you are right, we simply MUST not tell the press that we aren’t paying for the wall.”

      • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

        “I gotta build the wall, man! And I’ve been so nice to Mexico, can’t you throw me a bone??”

      • Phoenixdoglover

        Trump Wall & Casino – So much winning!

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time
      • What’s this ‘you and i have a political problem’ my friend?

  • Joe Beese
    • Ghenghis McCann

      Trying to put on a shocked face, but failing.

    • Major_Major_Major

      Is any demographic in the US less tolerant of homosexuals than the Fundagelicals?

      • Gayer Than Thou

        For me, it really depends on the homosexual. I am definitely intolerant of certain homosexuals. *eyes Milo what’s-his-name*

  • Scooby

    Is this whole English only thing just because these dumbasses got a D- in high school Spanish?

    • From Russia with Love

      ¡Sí!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      It would be helpful if their dear leader were fluent in English.

      • Ghenghis McCann

        He has the best words. No idea of how to string them together in a way that makes sense, though.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      They have been very pro-English ever since the nanny taught the kids “¡Bésame el culo, pendejo!”

  • IdiokraticDrumpfenResistance
  • Bright Bart

    themooch.com is for sale. just saying.
    “learn to suck your own cock in three easy steps!”

  • Mavenmaven

    Well, I hope they let in a bunch of expert Indians, Chinese, and Singaporeans who will replace all the current CEOs and be a better group of Rich.

  • Internet Hitler
  • spangled

    i feel like i say this almost hourly now, but THIS is some fucked up shit:

    http://www.thedailybeast.com/border-patrol-ordered-to-block-congressmen-during-travel-ban
    During the travel ban CBP was told to ignore congress members, ignore lawyers, and take pictures of protestors and send them to DHS. Jack booted thugs.

    • OutOfOrbit

      what’s truly fucked up is that it’s allowed to go on…and on…and on…and… …

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Alan

      Yeah well, he’s not known for his sharp intellect.

    • Snopes Shop

      😂😂

    • BadKitty904

      That boy reminds me of Paul Revere’s ride – a little light in the belfry.

      ~ Foghorn Leghorn

      • SeeTrain65

        “That boy’s got a mouth like a cannon. Always shooting it off.”

        “Nice boy, but he’s about as sharp as a sack of wet mice.”

        “Kid don’t quit talking so much, he’ll get his tongue sunburned.”

        • BadKitty904

          Ah say, Ah say…

          • data_ninja

            I learned that in certain video games where you can name your character “Ah say”, everyone reads like Foghorn Leghorn.

            “Ah say, did you get the crystal from the wizard?”

          • BadKitty904

            THAT is pretty damned funny.

    • Major_Major_Major

      That’s MY Predisent. Proves God loves him some ‘Merka. Git some!!!!

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Dumbass.

  • janecita

    Was Miller paraphrasing an old Soviet anti-Semitic slogan? I report, you decide.
    https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rootless_cosmopolitan

    • OutOfOrbit

      i have heard “yes”

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Supposedly he is Jewish. Which means he’s going to be very disappointed in his accommodations in the camps.

  • GreenGoldSharpie

    The deal with investigating discrimination against whitey in higher ed is that the administration and its supporters whether or not they’ll continue to investigate discrimination against, say, black folks in higher ed apace with the previous administration.

    I’m willing to bet that won’t be the case.

    • Red Bird

      huh?

  • Lyly Sirivong

    Christianity in America is hella weird.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Hey, we can’t help it if we Jesus harder than everyone else.

      USA USA USA!!!

      • Ghenghis McCann

        Yeah. Well, my Jesus is bigger than your Jesus.

        • janecita

          And he has guns!

          • OutOfOrbit

            yeah, and what’s he need those for anyway? next thing yuh know he’ll be asking for a Starship

          • UncleTravelingMatt

            Marconi plays the mamba listen to the radio

          • SeeTrain65

            Oh, you knew this was coming, ST. Counter with that classic Letterman quote you still remember to this day …

            “Even if you could build a city on Rock and Roll, you’d still have to use mob concrete.”

        • MynameisBlarney
          • Ghenghis McCann

            No, no, no, no…. Who’s deranged fantasy did this come from?

          • MynameisBlarney

            The innernet?

          • SweetDeeKat

            I miss jesusoftheweek.com.

      • wait! what?

        …home of the lady crucifinger biscuit; now with MORE bananas!

    • BigCSouthside

      Christianity is hella weird

    • BadKitty904

      But not hella Christian.

    • Claire

      There will be some shit go down if Pope Francis decides to excommunicate America. Even evangelicals might not be so fond of Cheeto Jesus when he becomes their one-way ticket to Hell.

      • bupkus231

        A lotta evangelicals already think Catholics aren’t “REAL” Christians, so if the Pope was to do something that radical ( not bloody likely! ), that woild probably make the evangelicals even more rabidly Jeebus and bibble-beating!

        • Claire

          Evangelical Catholics, I mean. They exist, though not in numbers comparable to evangelical Protestants.

  • Me not sure

    “Send me your masses of Russian hookers yearning to pee freely.”
    Also too, any video tapes.

    • From Russia with Love

      Gonna be fun listening to THOSE lies!

      “It wasn’t me.”

  • armed_bears

    How is it that we have come to a point that we must defend the Statue of Liberty? Reagan had it right:
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/09c043870e926f0e5599f505b7e48a8dbc822461bd75cfaab4dcb009b4bd0acd.jpg

    • OutOfOrbit

      Reagan was the beginning

      • armed_bears

        … but you’d take him over Trump, I bet.

        And Atwater was the beginning.

        • OutOfOrbit

          but it took Ray-gun’s silver tongue to convince Jane & Joe Meathead that Greed is Good

          • UncleTravelingMatt

            And that you can get something for nothing.

          • CripesAmighty

            By taking it from someone with less than you.

        • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

          Southern Strategy Libelz!11!111

      • Major_Major_Major

        Reagan was the slope break at which the acceleration of the fucktard base started growing in volume and influence.

        • OutOfOrbit

          yeah i guess if it hadn’t been him it woulda been somebody else

          • Internet Hitler

            Some other teevee star.

        • amrak63

          Vastly accelerated by the repeal of the Fairness Doctrine during his administration, which opened the floodgates for the modern propaganda networks.

        • amrak63

          Though it really began with Goldwater–while he was not much of a racist, that was the year a dishonorable faction of the GOP first decided to pander to racism for votes. This faction gradually took over the GOP to the point where, today, they ARE the GOP for all practical purposes.

    • BadKitty904

      “How”? The Republican Party.

    • TJ Barke

      Because look at her! She’s got lib right in her name!

    • Me not sure

      The statue of liberty needs to learn to pose like this if she doesn’t expect to be grabbed. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a62128c6badb642670e57ee95abfb582061e7110040422d13fb82c587bb8660c.jpg

      • wait! what?

        The ones with ties look vulnerable.

        • Major_Major_Major

          You say vulnerable, I say expectant. Potatoe, rohypnol

    • Ghenghis McCann

      Lou Reed seems to be more in tune with these times

      Give me your hungry, your tired your poor I’ll piss on ’em
      that’s what the Statue of Bigotry says
      Your poor huddled masses, let’s club ’em to death
      and get it over with and just dump ’em on the boulevard

  • Nounverb911
    • bupkus231

      He may have been going even further back in time to claim victory in the February 9th, 2016 New Hampshire Republican presidential primary…

      It’s bad enough him obsessing over Nov 2016 – but going back even further?

    • He won NH because it’s a drug infested den?

      What?

  • Latverian Diplomat

    This just in: Comcast drops “hidden fees” strategy, adopts more honest approach of purse snatching and pickpocketing. “We think this new, up front approach will really win back our customer’s trust” said a Comcast spokesperson.

    • Michael R

      Stab them from the front

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      But you still suck, Comcast, honest or not.

      • From Russia with Love

        Now they honestly suck.

    • Internet Hitler

      Subscribers can expect a Comcast agent with a gun for a stick-up visit between 10 and 6…

      • Courser_Resistance

        Meh, I just won’t let ’em in. Joys of a secure building. Of course, they can disconnect me…

  • Nounverb911
  • Nounverb911
    • OutOfOrbit

      clearly she must have stolen that English from a US patriot citizen after she lied her way in

    • janecita

      I didn’t speak English either, and now I have a Master’s degree in Public Health.

      • OutOfOrbit

        THIEF!

        • janecita

          Sorry:-( Do you want it? It’s all yours.

          Ps. I still owe $1500 on student loans. That’s all yours also.

          • OutOfOrbit

            nah i donut know how to work it anyway

          • OutOfOrbit

            oh no yuh don’t! i claim bankruptcy

    • Alan

      Taking jobs from real Americans!

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      I didn’t speak a word of English when I was born. I should not have been given citizenship.

      • schmannity

        No skillz also too.

    • CripesAmighty

      If speaking English is a requirement of residency, fine. We can probably deport at least 20 million Trumpanzees forthwith.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      And the Trumpkins read her bio of Melania and said, “We can’t let any more of them into the country!”

  • puredog

    The ACLU amicus brief in the Bob Murray v. John Oliver lawsuit is worth reading in its entirety:

    https://www.documentcloud.org/documents/3911409-Wvnd-19902323086.html

    • Fartknocker

      That’s beautiful. I’m laughing over the section titled “Anyone Can Say Eat Shit Bob!” Which also is an awesome meme for describing my dislike of most Kid Rock songs.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        “Songs” needs rabbit ears!

    • CripesAmighty

      A thing of beauty, it is.

    • VirginiaWackelpudding

      I detected a very Wonkette style of writing. The pearl clutching reference really did it.

  • coozledad

    Extraordinary rendition: it’s not just for brown folks anymore.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    Donnie demands Congress stay and destroy health care. But he’s worked so hard and deserves a vacation.
    https://twitter.com/JonLemire/status/893112817410244610

    • akryan

      how can they say it’s his first vacation when he’s gone to his golf resorts every other weekend since he’s been in office?

      • bupkus231

        It’s the first time it’s been August when he took a vacation…

        • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

          He’s finally making that presidential pivot! Look how mutha fuckin’ presidential he is!

        • From Russia with Love

          Everybody knows vacation is seven days or more. Six is just a long weekend.

      • ariel_gee_398

        It’s the first weekday..no, that’s not right. It’s the first stretch of 3 days or more..nope. It’s uh…. ¯_(ツ)_/¯

  • Michael R
    • Ghenghis McCann

      “I didn’t do it. No one saw me do it. You can’t prove anything.”

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • akryan

      Am I the only one that feels like he’s already been in office for years? Every day there’s a new thing.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Just last night I was having dinner with friends, and we were discussing how time has been warped by Donald.

    • Pisto75666

      BWAHAHAHA!

    • Ghenghis McCann

      I think you meant brown-nosed.

    • jesterpunk

      “Please stop making me look like a lying liar who lies all the time.”

      • Ghenghis McCann

        “Then stop talking.”

        • jesterpunk

          “And tweeting”

    • HazooToo

      Probably was trying to convince him to give him the money, then expect it returned through a different arrangement. Unfortunately, Mexico was paying attention when we were screaming about how he NEVER PAYS HIS DEBTS.

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        And it’s another illustration of Trumps cluelessness. In what universe did Trump think that the Mexican people would be ok with Nieto making a deal like that?

        • Mehmeisterjr

          The Universe in which Trump is the the center of the Universe.

    • Jesus wept he’s inept.

    • Hardly Ideal

      My son is a tougher negotiator, and he’s still in diapers and can close deals by just crying hard enough.

  • bupkus231

    Wow – I just read the piece Dominic linked to per Rump’ denial of ever saying “The White House is a real dump” – and while the main author, Alan Shipnuck seems to stick to his reporting, his co-author, Michael Bamberger really twists himself into knots trying to have it both ways:

    BAMBERGER: I was just going to say very quickly that it’s a very illustrative story because it deals with a lot of things that relate to Trump. Trump has a sense of humor; he’s got a sort of wise-guy, New York sense of humor. He doesn’t really think the White House is a dump. The White house is not a dump. He’s comparing it to the gilded greatness of Bedminster, which is his idea of beauty. He’s sort of trying to be funny, but whether he’s trying to be funny or not, he’s the President of the United States and people have such passionate feelings about the White House and the presidency. It’s almost like he doesn’t realize that everything he says now gets seen through a completely different prism. That’s why two words like that, which would normally just be “Trump being Trump” now takes on a completely different meaning and results with the conversations that you and I had with Ms. Hicks.

    I guess now that The Mooch is gone, he must be angling for a job in the Rump admin….

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Hey at least he didn’t put his feet on the desk, right?

  • Oh, sure, post the lemur video, and send people wandering off into the thickets of YouTube for 45 minutes or more. It’s not like I had anything I was supposed to be doing.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      It could have been worse. I was reading the amicus briefs the ACLU issued.

      • Marion in Savannah

        Which was a thing of beauty.

      • I’m writing an appeal to United Healthcare to convince them that my in-network provider is in-fucking-network.

  • Edith Prickly

    Dear Wingnut Catholics: Frankie is tired of your shit. Take the hint.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/7f38fc85fac59ad2d4cc212fccdb30faf61d3ab03ea1793a863471afc27d8872.jpg

    • nightmoth

      They’re probably the reason he posted that “No Whining” sign outside his office. I’m really liking New Pope.

  • AJ Milne

    (Guffaws at ‘stating that those conversations happened in person…’)

    (Pictures this conversation…)

    Case Nightmare Orange: Wasn’t that great? Woo! Best speech ever. Maybe more sex party stuff… Otherwise bigly great!

    BSA bouncer: Sure guy. Awesome. Oh, look, your limo’s just careening in panicked fashion up the drive … Let me get that door for you. Oh, totally, two thumbs up… In you go sorry you have to leave this very instant bye now (door slams) asshole.

    • Trip Space-Parasite

      Upfist for Laundry reference!

  • HazooToo

    Good morning guys, has anyone shared this yet? Apparently Cernovich is backing away from Trump to protect his reputation….

    I know, I didn’t think he had one of those, either! https://twitter.com/oliverdarcy/status/893115945492910082

    • WotsAllThisThen

      The pivot should be easy. If anyone asks about his support of Trump, he can just respond with, “I never said that” just like his boss, mentor, and hero, Trump.

    • Skaarphy

      tl;dr: Trump: sinking ship, Cernovich: rat, leaving

      • calliecallie

        This is making me miss the Mooch. “When the ship hits and iceberg, the rats come flying out of steerage.”

    • Walter Wellstone

      Here’s a rat jumping ship; fucker’s gonna be subpoenaed by Mueller soon and he knows pretty boys like him don’t do well in the slammer.

    • The Wanderer

      Too bad, Cernovich. When you’re a Trump guy, you’re a Trump guy all the way.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        I don’t want to be thought of as a pro-Jets guy. So I’m pivoting to be more of a Sharks guy. – Tony

      • RMKH

        From your first bald-faced lie to your last Koch Bros pay

    • Villago Delenda Est

      He’s got the taint forever. No way to lose it.

      You’re fucked, Mike, and I will not even shed crocodile tears for you, twerp.

    • Hardly Ideal

      “I’m pivoting! I’m pivoting!” Oh, go spin on it, you fuck.

  • Courser_Resistance

    Thanks Dominic for linking the religious article. I’m not Catholic, but the Vatican puts out some really interesting thinky pieces since Pope Frank came to stay.

  • SeeTrain65

    “I am so tired of converts telling us that the pope is not Catholic,” Michael Sean Winters wrote last week in the newspaper National Catholic Reporter.

    “And, in other news, these same converts are also saying …”

    Oh, forget it. You know what’s coming next. … O.K., one clue. Think bears.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Like the ones Elisha sent to kill the children for calling him “baldy”?

    • calliecallie

      Like the ones terrorizing schools in Wyoming?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Four words:

      Newt Gingrich. Catholic convert.

  • Claire

    So Trump is the greatest man in the world and he won New Hampshire because the whole state is a drug den. Lordy, lordy.

    http://www.rawstory.com/2017/08/here-are-the-8-nuttiest-things-trump-said-to-foreign-leaders-in-newly-leaked-transcripts/

  • Zyxomma

    Lemurs are adorable. So is the slender loris https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slender_loris

  • Persistent Demme

    OMG!
    Lemur babies!
    Squeeeeeeeeeeeee!

  • The Wanderer
  • Kitty Smith

    Senate Republicans don’t really care if Trump cuts off their government-sponsored healthcare plans, but their staffers are quietly threatening to revolt if bosses kill their health insurance policies.

    Oh man, who didn’t see THAT one coming?

    The Senators would be fine. It’s their support staff that’s worried. And if the support staff is fucked…

    well, so are the Senators.

    • RugzYaBurnt

      Take it as a sign that this depraved political age is killing my compassion, I guess, but I’m honestly fine with GOP Congressional staffers losing their health insurance. It seems a just fate for those who directly aid GOP Senators in their efforts to deprive millions of *other* Americans of health insurance.

  • ExecutorElassus

    About that DOJ hiring announcement: according to the DOJ, they’re not considering investigating colleges for some bullshit “reverse racism,” but actually in relation to a suit brought on behalf of numerous Asian-American advocacy groups against Harvard and other Ivy Leagues for limiting admissions of Asian-American applicants. Here’s the NYT with some more info: https://www.nytimes.com/2017/08/02/us/politics/asian-americans-complaint-prompted-justice-inquiry-of-college-admissions.html
    ETA: this is, of course, the KKKeebler Elf’s DOJ, so take everything they say with some salt.

    • SadDemInTex

      The Ivies have NEVER been a meritocracy. Until the 1970s they also redlined Jews as well as every possible minority (and, of course, women). There was what they called “the happy lower quarter”. That is to say that there was 25% of the student body that got in because they had something the school wanted even though they did not have the grade point or academic backround to get in. (This could be anything…sports, arts, and $$$$$ to school). And many boarding schools based their importance on how many of their seniors got into the Ivies (and they still do…see Andover). But mostly it was monied white kids and now it will be monied anything. Parents from China and India will do ANYTHING to get their child into Harvard, Yale, or Princeton.

  • The Mooch will hold an internet thing on Friday to explain why he was “You’re Fired” after giving the world the mental image of Steve Bannon sucking his own cock.

    Or not.

    http://www.thedailybeast.com/scaramucci-abruptly-cancels-friday-livestream-event

  • Moar Wordz

    Kentucky Governor Matt Bevin was mad a drone flew over his home ?

    That’s So Weird

    If I had a nickel for every flyover, drone, helicopter, military ✈, and apparently now a fucking BOAT & S.U.V from Homeland Security…why I’d – I.d –

    Shave my head, climb up a telephone pole, and start pinging down innocent strangers

    For our censors, that was IRONY

    I like people, I would never do that

    – Start breeding goats & holding ” goat yoga classes. ” This is really a thing.

    – Open a bagel shop & serve three different kinds of chicken bagels. Also really a thing.
    Chix parm bagel any one ? Any one ?

    – skip instead of walk in public

    – Create an all female military

    – Make Quince jam & live in a tree house.
    ( My Aunt, RIP, really did this for a year. But I think it got too chilly or something. She was a complete badass cook and died climbing on her motorcycle. No shit. )

  • Jack

    Raw Story was filled with anti-Trumpanzy stories today but Muller empaneling a Grand Jury in DC was the big hit for me! Maybe we’ll have some extra Christmas presents this year for a “Merry Christmas Asshole, go to Jail party?”

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