SHARE
Needs more gold-plated shit, you know?

What the — Wednesday already, Wonkers? Here’s some of the things we may be talking about today.

Somebody leaked the transcript of Trump’s WSJ interview and, once you get past the incompetent sputtering of sentence fragments from a dodgy old racist, you’re left with nothing more than an early 20th century robber-baron without the sweet facial hair.

Christopher Wray is your new FBI Director and he swears on a stack of Bibles that he won’t swear an oath of loyalty, or a Wookiee life debt, or whatever, to Donald Trump.

Robert Mueller has hired ANOTHER new attorney, and this one has a specialty in foreign bribery. HMMMMMMM!

A federal judge has recused herself from two cases involving Trump’s business shenanigans with Not America as SHE IS THE WIFE OF MUELLER’S NEW LAWYER HIRE!

All this talk about Trump-Russia has Lindsey Graham just beside himself, ya’ll. He did declare that Donald Trump is behaving most “unpresidential.”

Trump’s officials are considering the possibility of moving Jeff Sessions to DHS to fill the hole left by John Kelly. Coincidentally, such a move would allow Trump to appoint a random stooge who could fire Bob Mueller.

The Senate Health, Education, Labor and Pensions Committee announced plans to stabilize health insurance markets next month, effectively ignoring Trump’s tweets encouraging their collapse.

Meanwhile, the House is pushing forward with a similar measure, which would give more money to insurers to help reduce the costs for consumers, and remove two key taxes.

Mitch McConnell is hoping to pass tax reform with only Republican votes, no matter what Democrats or constituents say. Get your protest signs ready.

The Justice Department wants to begin investigating universities for “intentional race-based discrimination” against white students. It’s not a racist move, it’s just taking a separate (but equal) approach to civil rights.

In a speech to the National Organization of Black Law Enforcement Executives, Jeff Sessions stated, “You know all it takes is for one bad officer to destroy the reputations of so many.” Sessions then reminded everyone how cool he was when he later said, “I have always understood the value of this organization. A number of my good friends have been members.

Sen. Corey Booker introduced the Marijuana Justice Act, a fantastic bill that would legalize weed at the federal level, and deny funding for jails and prisons in states that don’t comply. Unfortunately, if it’s not lost in committee, it’s likely to go up in smoke.

Republicans in the House Rules Committee blocked a proposed amendement to the VA funding bill that would have allowed doctors to prescribe medical marijuana for veterans. Called “Veterans Equal Access,” the bill would have allowed patients and doctors in states with medical marijuana laws to consider the treatment, but House Republicans figured that opioids are just fine for pain management.

Betsy DeVos has decided not to upend student loan servicing after a bipartisan group in Congress, and a handful of lobbyists, pointed out that by dumping all federal student loans under one roof she would inadvertently pop the bloated bubble of student loan debt.

Congressional Republicans are increasingly upset that Trump’s bumbling keeps throwing off their plans to screw over the Middle Class, forcing them to consider eating bipartisan shit sandwiches.

Wells Fargo customers are suing the bank over an alleged insurance scam that forced hundreds of thousands of people to buy expensive auto insurance they didn’t need or want.

Army Maj. Gen. Mark Inch (really!) is your new director Federal Bureau of Prisons. Gen. Inch made a career heading up military prisons and overseeing MP’s, so he’s sure to adjust to the civilian prison system and its drastically different judicial process in no time.

A federal judge has blocked efforts from a watchdog group to restrict access to information sought by Trump’s voter fraud commission that includes names, dates of birth, partial Social Security Numbers, and criminal records.

Corey Lewandowski is back in the White House as an unofficial adviser, and he’s trying to looking to bring other die-hard hitmen loyal to Trump with him.

Paul Ryan is totally ready to build Trump’s wall so he made a little movie doing his best Walker, Texas Ranger impression.

Some redneck cop in a podunk Lousiana town was sharing racist memes on Facebook until he got tracked down, called out, and forced to resign. The officer attempted to whitewash his Facebook page, but forgot to delete all his “no fat chicks” and “MAGA” posts.

John Morgan is a Democratic gubernatorial candidate in Florida who is running to legalize medical marijuana, restore voting rights for felons, criminal justice reform, and some other things that make his 2014 boozy rant even more endearing.

Maine Governor Paul LePage wrote an op-ed in the WSJ criticizing Sen. Susan Collins’ refusal to strip away healthcare from people. Considering there are no racial slurs or accusations of fake news it’s almost hard to believe LePage wrote this. [Archive]

Trump’s White House is preparing to open an investigation into the Chinese businesses practices that give us all the cheap, knock-off crap in retaliation for Beijing dragging its feet on North Korea.

Beijing penned an editorial in its state run news agency this morning that basically tells Trump to sit down, shut up.

REXXON awoke from hibernation and roared that he and Trump are “not very happy” that Congress wants to sanction Russia for its election fuckery. He then sighed and blamed everything on the board Congress.

Congress cut an $80 million check to the State Department to fight terrorist and Russian disinformation campaigns, but REXXON doesn’t want the money because it might hurt Russia’s feelings.

Agrichemical giant Monsanto has been engaging in a large scale media influencing strategy, according to recently released documents that detail Monsanto’s decades of damage control.

Nixonian hatchet man Roger Stone called up a HuffPo reporter to dish some dirt on Anthony Scaramucci and how he was “You’re Fired.” To be honest, we’re not sure who’s the bigger asshole in this story.

Eric Trump’s malfunctioning Stepford Wife, Lara Trump, has become the new face of Trump TV on social media. As the literal definition of state propaganda, Lara Trump notably signs off with the statement that this “is the real news.”

Vice asked its new music critics to review Joe Scarborough’s new song, and their reaction was similar to ours. Then again, that’s the point of Auto-Tune.

Chelsea Clinton is defending the White House staff after Trump called the White House “a real dump,” stating in a tweet, “Thank you to all the White House ushers, butlers, maids, chefs, florists, gardeners, plumbers, engineers & curators for all you do every day.”

And here’s your late night wrap-up! Stephen Colbert had some talky time with Sen. Al Franken; Seth Meyers took a moment to Check In on Trump and Religion; and The Daily Show looked at Russia and North Korea.
And here’s your morning Nice Time! “WILD ASS BABIES”

Help us help you! Give us money and we’ll keep writing.

$
Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • Nounverb911
  • Nounverb911
    • Lance Thrustwell

      I’ve always admired that man’s self-confidence.

    • chortlingdingo

      That movie freaks me out a little, but I do love the way that Malcolm McDowell speaks in it.

  • Nounverb911
  • TheGrandWazoo2

    Army Maj. Gen. Mark Inch…you won’t like him when he’s angry.

    • SeeTrain65

      “Inch-High Prison Guy.”

    • therblig

      he’s 1/12th the ruler General Foot was.

      • SnarkON

        Call him that to his face and he’ll see you out in the yard.

        • SeeTrain65

          … where he’ll meter out your punishment.

          • therblig

            not furlong.

          • Querolous

            He’s in a league of his own.

          • Invisible Bunyip

            Who’s the next link in this chain?

          • Querolous

            A Rod?

          • Invisible Bunyip

            He can’t perch here.

    • PubOption
    • AmazingProfessionalCrastinator

      ISWYDT

    • Courser_Resistance

      Ant-man might have something to say about it.

  • Nounverb911
  • SomeBigRedDog

    Those are some wild ass puppies.

  • SomeBigRedDog

    Of course Trump thinks the White House is a dump. Its not covered in tacky gold plating.

    • chortlingdingo

      Trashy rich folks like Trump also seem to enjoy multiple types of marble that don’t coordinate in the same room.

    • Clark_Nova

      Gold foil. He could never afford gold plating. He’s no billionaire.

  • La forza del resistino

    Sessions and Trump will be manning the barbeque at this year’s Labor Day Affirm. Action picnic asking would you like extra reverse discrimination sauce or just grievance white sauce on your red meat.

    • chortlingdingo

      And no matter what you ask for, you’ll be served a burnt, extra well-done steak slathered in ketchup?

  • Gayer Than Thou

    New porn name: Mark Inches.

  • Nounverb911
  • Bebecca

    Congress cut an $80 million check to the State Department to fight terrorist and Russian disinformation campaigns, but REXXON doesn’t want the money because it might hurt Russia’s feelings.
    Have you all noticed every road from this WH leads to Russia?

  • Nounverb911
    • Nounverb911
      • Gayer Than Thou

        Somewhere, Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis rolls over in her grave.

    • Clark_Nova

      Zombie Vampire slut.

  • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

    I’VE ALWAYS HAD A SOFT SPOT FOR SOMALI WILD ASS BABIES.

    • boredcatlady

      I do now!

  • Gayer Than Thou

    I mean, if he thinks the public housing we’re providing as one of his job benefits is kind of crappy, maybe it’s just not a good fit and we should both look for other opportunities.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Kiri the Unicorn

      It’s true. We haven’t had a big earthquake or hurricane lately. Any time now…

      • Opiwan

        prime hurricane season starts in about a month

  • From Russia with Love

    “Trump’s White House is preparing to open an investigation into the Chinese businesses practices that give us all the cheap, knock-off crap in retaliation for Beijing dragging its feet on North Korea.”

    Somebody needs to get one of those blow up beach balls with the globe printed on it and show Little Donald how much of the world will be pissed off at him if he disses both Russia AND China.

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    Is there still an attorney left NOT working for Mueller by now?

    • PubOption

      Everyone, everyone?

    • Clark_Nova

      Not many bribery and money laundering experts still unemployed.

  • La forza del resistino

    WH staff had to tell a disappointed Donald on move-in day that the Hall of Mirrors was actually part of Versailles palace.

    • Clark_Nova

      There’s a Hall of Mirrors in the shitgibbon’s head.

  • Joe Beese

    Trump might be planning to sign it with a signing statement alleging that the disapproval provision infringes on his constitutional authority under Article II to conduct foreign policy on behalf of the United States. If so, that would set up a court fight with Congress potentially if/when he strikes a bargain with Putin that calls for lifting sanctions. Question for legal eagles: Would Schumer and Pelosi have standing to file that suit since the bill gives them the power to bring a resolution of disapproval, or would a majority of the House or Senate need to vote to authorize it?

    Whatever the answer, the signing statement won’t solve Trump’s political problem. Waiving sanctions on Russia will intensify the suspicions among anti-Trumpers that he’s in Putin’s pocket unless he gets something very valuable (e.g., withdrawal from Ukraine) in return. Going to court to challenge the constitutionality of an anti-Russia bill passed by huge bipartisan majorities in both chambers in order to waive those sanctions will make the optics that much worse. Unless and until Mueller clears him, there’s no scenario in which Trump lifts sanctions on Russia without Congress’s support that plays well for him domestically. The signing statement is really just a face-saving gesture, I assume. Or maybe he won’t sign it at all. Maybe he’ll just ignore the bill and let it become law via a pocket veto.

    Of course, Putin could do enough saber-rattling in eastern Europe that Trump won’t be able to lift sanctions even if he wants to, purely for fear of looking weak under the circumstances. The Kremlin understands that the worst way to bend Trump to their will is to put him in a position where he risks losing a dominance display if he doesn’t respond forcefully. But Putin’s own domestic political needs may not give him the luxury of patience; if he doesn’t slap back at the U.S. over the latest sanctions (as he now has), he loses some of his own strongman authority at home. I can’t see any risk to two nuclear-armed strongmen getting caught in an escalation spiral for fear that pulling out will make one or the other look “weak.”

    http://hotair.com/archives/2017/08/01/hmmm-white-house-says-russia-sanctions-bill-ties-trumps-hands-undergoing-legal-review/

    • Michael Smith

      And here I thought we and Russia were past this.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      We’re well beyond “suspicions” at this point.

  • Michael Smith

    The great Republican contradiction. They need a President who can connect well enough to stupid people to win an election, but unfortunately that same President won’t be a competent executive. Perhaps they thought “With Trump, we can have a guy who pretends to be enough of an idiot to win over our voters, but, as his business success demonstrates, is smart enough to actually be President (unlike our last guy).”

    But turns out, Trump really is as dumb as he acts.

  • coozledad

    Maybe the White House is a dump because all the sofa cushions are crusty with Scaramucci/Guilfoyle jizz. The place probably always sounds like someone stirring macaroni.
    https://twitter.com/onlxn/status/892575209609351168

    • SnarkON

      Dear god, man, not before breakfast!

  • Wild Ass Babies is the name of my post-punk band.

    • SnarkON

      Wild Ass Babies only performs sweet, acoustic ballads.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Carpe Vagenda

    Don’t you think in any contest of anality the winner is always going to be the Roy Cohn protege with the tattoo of Nixon on his back?

    • Gayer Than Thou

      In general, tattoos of people’s faces are always a bad idea, but who gets a Nixon tattoo?

      • Nounverb911
        • Vicki Lawrence’s Covfefe

          There’s a tramp stamp + tricky Dick joke in here somewhere.

        • Gayer Than Thou

          He needs to ease up on his lats and focus a little bit more on traps.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            He needs to put a shirt on and keep it on, jmo. His back looks as if it’s had bat wings surgically removed.

          • Jeffery Campbell

            I bit of focus on restoring the missing human parts – say, a soul, for instance, is probably called for too.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      I didn’t know “anality contests” were a thing…but yes.

  • calliecallie

    “Trump’s White House is preparing to open an investigation into the Chinese businesses practices that give us all the cheap, knock-off crap in retaliation for Beijing dragging its feet on North Korea.”
    So they’re investigating themselves? Because Trump Ties, etc.?

    • Like a cheap, knock-off administration (probably created by the severely-underpaid and exploited)?

  • Nounverb911
    • Lance Thrustwell

      They have a dream.

    • miss_grundy

      Doesn’t he have about 4,000 lawsuits stemming from non-payment from these dreamers and innovators?????

  • calliecallie

    Wild ass babies! But do they have Vegan buttholes?

    • Lance Thrustwell

      I don’t know whether to read that as “wild ass-babies” or “wild-ass babies.” Either one is hilarious.

      • Clark_Nova

        Ass-babies. Lawyers are living proof that you CAN get pregnant from anal sex.

    • SisterArtemis

      The legacy lives!

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Yes. Yes, they do.

  • Joe Beese
    • Skaarphy

      If it were only that.

    • Bill D. Burger

      “I was told it was the greatest speech ever given to the Boy Scouts.”

      Yup___By gawwd’ he actually said that.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        Because this kind of praise is exactly the sort of thing that people say.

      • miss_grundy

        Someone needs to have a conversation with these voices he keeps hearing…

    • MynameisBlarney

      That is but ONE of the many reasons he is unfit.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Paging Donald Trump, paging Donald Trump. Crippling insecurity is holding on Line One.

      • Jennifercstewart

        Golden29a

        Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family! !au269d:
        On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
        !au269d:
        ➽➽
        ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialJobsCash559SportMulti/Pay$97/Hour ★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★:::::!au269l..,….

    • miss_grundy

      He is unsuited because he is a gigantic sociopathic psychopath with all of the other adjectives that have been listed before.

  • elviouslyqueer

    FYI, Estherwood, Louisiana is in the same parish as Islamophobic “All Christendom is at war with Islamic horror” nutbag Clay Higgins.

    I’m sure y’all are SHOCKED at this news.

  • SnarkON

    That is the cutest little ass I have ever seen!

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Trump obviously needs some perspective on what a “real dump” is. He should stop by my place some time.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      But I’ll bet it’s got… character!

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Ummm….yes. Character. It’s like when my friends try to set me up with a date, and they say well…..uhhh, well…he’s nice.

  • Blackest Noobs

    O/T: have i ever mentioned how much i fucking loathe HR depts?

    fucking human resources…the fuckers who cannot do anything but our the gatekeepers for jobs. twice ive had an HR send me a denial email without blind copying it ( i.e. i saw all the names of all the other people who didnt get the job)…the 2nd time was after i pointed it out to them…i mean this is fucking HR 101…you don’t do that kind of mistake…and after getting their reassurance they corrected it…they did it again.

    and then there was recently getting a weird call saying they wanted to talk to me about my interview…only thing…i never had an interview…so i called and turns out they called the wrong person ( and this has happened numerous times).

    like honestly I would just burn the whole fuking HR dept down with the people in it…so fucking tired of this level of fucking incompetence….like our HR director makes about 70K….i think giving the quality of work that comes from this dept it should be more like 15K.

    • SnarkON

      Your life will be a lot more serene once you accept, as I finally did, that HR departments do not exist to benefit a corporation’s workers. They exist to benefit the corporation. We are fooled, you see, by the word “human” in the title.

      • Blackest Noobs

        oooh i knew that….but just the level of fucking incompetence…..sweet baby jesus….

        • SnarkON

          Well, the HR people are also the ones too dumb to make it as middle managers.

          • HR is super nice to me, but I’m in I.T. and the #1 rule of life in ANY company is that you are always, ALWAYS nice to the I.T. people.

          • Tiny kaiju

            Oops. Well, I am nice to the ones who know what they are doing. I have given up on the concept of them doing it in a timely manner, but we can’t have everything.

          • If they’re anything like my team, they’re massively understaffed. Companies simply don’t realize that I.T. is the backbone of any well-run organization.

      • OrG in England

        Resource is right on though. Capitalism exploits a resource until it’s used up. Then leaves the mess for someone else to clean up.

        • Oblios_Cap

          One of the reasons that the father of Capitalismz, Adam Smith, despised corporations.

      • Doug Langley
    • Doug Langley
    • From Russia with Love

      The ones at DoD spend their lives figuring out why they shouldn’t hire you, and once they do, figuring out how to get rid of you.

      • Blackest Noobs

        but isn’t that the thing…like once you’re in a govt job, and i have had several, it takes moving mountains to get rid of people….even when they fuck up astronomically….like in my current situation…i would fire about 60% of the entire staff because most are just dead weight…but as a govt entity i couldn’t do it…i could make their lives worse and hope they quit but couldn’t outright fire them…unless they i dunno do drugs on site while masturbating to kiddie porn.

        • From Russia with Love

          All they had to do to me was say “You have to move back to America.”

          Adios, mofos.

    • Maggielle

      You are not wrong, not at all. But remember, nobody likes HR. HR people know that they and their staff are always close to the chopping block, so their first imperative is to preserve themselves, and that usually means jettisoning as many of their administrative support staffers as possible, so way fewer fact checkers, proof readers, file clerks, and assistants (these were all my comrades) and the ones that remain are stressed, overworked, and half crazy. (Well, that last part was me at the end, so I shouldn’t generalize.)

    • One of my favourite moments from the show “Powerless” was (paraphrased):

      HR Manager: Do you have any idea what HR does?

      Protagonist: No, not really.

      HR Manager: Nobody does! But we have to look busy to justify our salaries!

  • Mpeg

    Paul Ryan… made a little movie doing his best Walker Texas Ranger

    The link you provided, Dominic, actually goes to Amy McGrath’s bid for office advertisement. But I missed that story yesterday so thanks for mis-linking. I *lurve* her already!~

  • Nounverb911
    • Oblios_Cap

      Obama and Trudeau in the bedroom together! Oh, my.

    • miss_grundy

      Well, we all know that Tangerini’s daddy had to pay someone to do his homework for him. That is why that a$$hat has no understanding or appreciation of history. Anyone who calls this place a “dump” deserves Mueller giving him a colonoscopy.

    • chortlingdingo

      Oh I want to see the signed Gettysburg Address! I’ve got a thing for Lincoln.

      • Pfft, as if Dampnut hasn’t already wiped his ass with it just to prove what a big, strong man he is!

        • chortlingdingo

          Oh no, why’d you have to make me cry this morning?

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Bill D. Burger
    • From Russia with Love

      “Junior, go play, kill the dog or something.”

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      I feel bad for Sarah. Where will she go after this? Fox News is out – she isn’t blonde or leggy enough for them. After you’ve lied in the big leagues, going back to the minors is such a comedown.

      • Maggielle

        Her book(s) and book tours and employment with motivational speaker scams ought to see her through.

      • Yellerduck

        KFC? Maybe Hardees?

    • dlemex

      I understand why the Huckleberry acts like he has a stick perpetually stuck up his ass. I can’t imagine he has any sexy fun times with her. The stick probably got wedged up there while he was self-entertaining.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • I was thinking more toward gold-plated toliet seats and mineral-water bidets.

    • miss_grundy

      Joy Reid is subbing for Rachel Maddow and last night she pointed out that if Bamz had made the same comment as Tangerini that the pitchforks would have come out.

      • Maggielle

        Ooh, an opportunity for me to repeat how much I love Joy Reid. I also really like when she interviews Karine Jean-Pierre from Moveon.com. I would totally vote for Jean-Pierre, but I guess “moveon.com” in your resumè makes you unelectable.

  • The Wanderer

    Weed? Fuggeddaboudit. The big thing (at least in the facility I work in) is for someone on the outside spray paper with roach spray, let it dry, and mail it in to the customer. He then finds a way to ignite the paper, and he smokes it. Causes you to foam at the mouth, vomit and collapse, so that might be a minus.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Where in hell do you work?

      • Yellerduck

        Man, White House staffers have it rougher than I thought.

        • The Wanderer

          It would explain A Lot, I know.

      • I’m guessing a junior high in Kentucky?

      • The Wanderer

        I work at a county jail in Florida.
        Since 1986.

        • Kiri the Unicorn

          Okay: roach spray? For real?

          • The Wanderer

            Yep.

    • Invisible Bunyip

      Not a minus if you want a week in the hospital wing instead of your cell.

      • The Wanderer

        He was well and released in two days, along with the other two that were affected.

  • IdiokraticDrumpfenResistance

    ♫ You better watch out for the po-lice
    when you’re drivin’ into Nutbush…♫
    http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/naacp-issues-travel-advisory-missouri-article-1.3377282

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Well the Dept of Education has point, which you can see by how the overwhelming number of students in colleges are people of color, way out of proportion to their percentages in the general population. Right?

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      And most of them are black women so you can kill two birds with one stone by excluding them. I get so tired of this shit.
      True story ~ I went to Georgia Tech in 1979 when it was 7:1 male:female and there were 400 black students out of 8,000. Everyone assumed that my class coming in were affirmative action admissions because 200 of those 400 were the freshman class. The previous year there had been a “Binders of Blacks” and “Binders of Women” effort. I hated the SWAB (smart ass white boyz, another story) attitude, but I encountered it in every job I had until the 1990’s.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        Yeah, I’ve worked my whole career in the arts, but have lately been encountering the dreaded agism. “Oh, you have 40 years of experience and an unmatched track record in getting grants for arts organizations? That’s all well and good, but do you have a Spotify playlist that I can relate to?”

        • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

          I get “you’re overqualified” to which I counter with “no, I am eminently qualified”.

  • Jeffery Campbell

    I saw the name “Wild Ass Babies” on the video and got all excited. For all the wrong reasons. However, maxime pretiosum!! so carry on!

    • Finnibar87

      It could have been more vegan baby butt, after all.

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        It was.

  • Les Appentis De la résistance

    judge-lawyer pillow talk is the … zzzzzzzzzzz

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Jesus…no wonder the WSJ didn’t want the interview transcript getting out. The part where Gerald Baker puts on a Mexican landscaper costume and gives Trump a blow job is pretty embarrassing.

    • From Russia with Love

      And that rendition of “Ay, yi, yi, yi, canta no llores” was over the top.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Hey, have you ever tried to sing that while you’re….ooops…never mind.

      • Clark_Nova

        “Canta Y no llores” Please.

        • From Russia with Love

          Gracias.

  • Carpe Vagenda
  • Bill D. Burger

    Perhaps the Russians can do the interior design work as well.
    “Fly Aeroflot: Don’t Be A Pussy”

    Trump Wanted a Cheaper Air Force One. So the USAF Is Buying a Bankrupt Russian Firm’s Undelivered 747s
    • BY MARCUS WEISGERBER
    AUGUST 1, 2017

    President Donald Trump said the projected cost of new Air Force One aircraft was too high, so the U.S. Air Force found a way to lower it: by buying a pair of Boeing 747 jetliners abandoned by a bankrupt Russian airline.

    The 747s that will be transformed for Presidential transport were originally ordered in 2013 by Transaero, which was Russia’s second-largest airline until it went bankrupt in 2015. Boeing built two of the four jets in the order, but the airline never took ownership of them.

    Boeing lists the average sticker price of a 747-8 as $386.8 million; the actual amount paid by airlines and other customers varies with quantities, configurations, and so forth.
    (*The two planes will undergo, of course, extensive upgrades and renovations.)

    http://www.defenseone.com/business/2017/08/russian-air-force-one-boeing-trump-747/139872/

    • Lyly Sirivong

      Been reading a bit about Transaero. Apparently, despite its financial difficulties, it was a very safe company with no major accident in its 25 years history. Unlike Aeroflot.

    • miss_grundy

      So will a U.S.-Russian subsidiary receive a federal contract to help install “equipment” on this Air Force One?

      • Bill D. Burger

        At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised in the least!

        (⊙.⊙(☉̃ₒ☉)⊙.⊙)

      • dlemex

        Drumpf did say that he was saving the USAF a lot of money on the replacements, so now we know. The FSB will provide the avionics for free!

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Seems to me that a lot of money will need to go into modifications. A VC-25 isn’t just a 747 with fancy seats.

    • chortlingdingo

      Why does he need a new plane again?

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        Airframes get old. Replacing the two aircraft that are currently in use was in the works before Trump entered office, IIRC.

        • shivaskeeper

          That is correct. Both planes have been in use for 25 years or so. This has been in the works for a while.

          In addition to the airframes wearing out, the electronic and comms suites probably need upgrades. There comes a point where just cannot upgrade older legacy systems anymore and it’s more cost effective to start with new systems.

        • chortlingdingo

          Ah, thanks!

        • Clark_Nova

          Buy an AN-124. It’s the biggest.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        There were already plans to build new AF1s by 2020. I think TRMP is hedging his bets, because he originally planned to cancel the orders and use his own private jet. That is until the Secret Service said, “ah no” because EMP shielding, etc… TRMP obviously expects to be Prez in 2020 also too.

        • chortlingdingo

          Thanks, I didn’t know about the prior plans. I remember hearing something about him wanting to use his private jet, but it was 84 years ago.

    • Khavrinen

      Planes from a company that went bankrupt? Trump should feel right at home.

    • Clark_Nova

      The cost of converting an existing 747 to AF1 is about 20X the cost of the airframe as the planes would have to be totally disassembled and reconstructed.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    A federal judge has blocked efforts from a watchdog group to restrict access to information sought by Trump’s voter fraud commission that includes names, dates of birth, partial Social Security Numbers, and criminal records.

    I thought this was going to be one of those “you don’t have standing” decisions conservatives love, but it was, if anything, even stupider….

    However, Lamberth said he wouldn’t rely on attorneys’ assertions about what Kobach had said there or in media interviews.

    “I don’t use internet evidence like videos as court evidence,” said Lamberth, an appointee of President Ronald Reagan. “I don’t take judicial notice of TV interviews. … I don’t take judicial notice of news articles and all that junk.”

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      So wait, Kobach could go on TV and say “Yeah, I want all this stuff to suppress the browns and blahs and womens”, and this jamoke will just ignore it because he didn’t say it in his courtroom?

      It’s too early for a headache.

    • miss_grundy

      Can the group find another judge who would take judicial notice of these news articles and all that “junk”? And since he is a Reagan appointee is he facing retirement yet?

    • bupkus231

      I suspect this is at least partially blowback fro those court proceedings over Rump’s travel ban, where at least one judge’s opinions took into account all the times Rump and others called it a “Muslim ban”.

      Royve Lamberth has been a fuckface judge since forever – I believe he authored some “controversial” opinions during the GWB years ( per Guantanamo and others ), but I’m not sure those were majority decisions. As it is, he has “senior status” on the SC COirt of Appeals – meaning he “retired” years ago, but apparently still serves part-time when there’s “need”. Wonder how he got to “hear” this case and decide whetehr or not it could proceed. Court/judge shopping?

  • Lyly Sirivong

    Is it national weed day ?

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      That’s on April 20th, isn’t it?

    • OrG in England

      Which nation?

  • Mr. Blobfish

    If there is one thing trump knows, it’s dumps.

    • Beowoof14

      Exhibit A, Trump Tower

  • Reximus
    • Oblios_Cap

      Those look like Depression era stock market charts.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        Hopefully, they can shore up the ACA marketplaces well enough that that won’t be our economy in the 4th quarter of this year!

  • Oblios_Cap

    Trump’s officials are considering the possibility of moving Jeff Sessions to DHS to fill the hole left by John Kelly. Coincidentally, such a move would allow Trump to appoint a random stooge who could fire Bob Mueller

    I, for one, know that I would feel safe with Jeffy Elf protecting us!

  • chortlingdingo

    Omg, those gangly babies are adorable! I love their stripy legs.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    “I think he’s done some things that most — that to me are unpresidential, but it’s not hopeless,” Graham said. “His presidency can still be very consequential, but Gen. Kelly was probably the best choice available to him. He is a good man. Listen to him.”

    These is no better way to ensure that Donnie will NOT listen to Kelly than comments like this. Because it carries the implication that HIS judgement is faulty, and that will drive him nuts. Keep it up, Sen. Graham.

  • Gah, stop with the AutoTune shaming! It’s a tool, and like any other it can be used for good or evil! On the album I just finished engineering/producing, I used it on exactly 12 tracks (out of something like 1200 total tracks) for a total of like 30 seconds of the 48 minute runtime.

    • SadDemInTex

      The problem is that if used too much it makes the tone sound weird. And if an artist becomes too dependent on it listening to them in live situations is hideous.

      • Of course, like I said, it’s a tool. It’s just as easy to overcompress things, or to ROYALLY fuck with EQs (my mastering engineer sent all my tracks back to me because he HATED the way I had EQ’d the bass guitar).

        I just hate the general consensus that “Auto-Tune = bad” but not like “Reverb = bad” when reverb has been cleaning up vocals pretty much since the dawn of recorded music (and before, as anyone who sounds better when they sing in the shower can tell you…)

        • SadDemInTex

          If you record in a hall which has proper acoustics the need for reverb is moot. The problem is (in the mind of this performer) is that studios are deadened acoustically so that the engineer can control all aspects of the sound. And I object to this profoundly. There was an interview on the radio of a famous agent from the 50s/60s and he said that you don’t have to have a voice anymore. It can all be manufactured. Talent is not needed…just a pretty face and a sexy body.

          • I love recording drums in a large room for the natural acoustics, unfortunately I’m limited to the low ceilings I can afford currently. And natural reverb is still reverb.

            The “Pretty face/sexy body” thing has always been true with pop music, right up to the Mili Vanilli “literally different people singing on the album” phase. Fortunately, there will ALWAYS be talented musicians out there cranking out good music in other genres (and even in pop there are some incredibly talented people like Lady Gaga, who if you haven’t actually heard her pre-fame stuff is actually an incredible vocalist and keyboard player.)

          • SadDemInTex

            Gaga is the real thing. And of course appearance has had a great deal to do with popular music…probably since the moment music started.

    • I just felt it was ironic that they were praising the catchiness of the song, yet mocking the robotic vocals.

      • That’s fair. I’ve not really enjoyed the music I’ve heard from him enough to really even consider the quality of the vocal recording.

    • SprinklemagicResistancebuns

      Besides, autotune can be used for good. (This is autotuned, yes? I’m not really sure I know.)
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XGK84Poeynk

      • This is an example of using AutoTune as an effect. This isn’t what it is designed to do, but it is a cool thing that CAN be done with it. This also might be a vocoder, it’s got some characteristics of both types of effect. And yeah, this is bitchin’ right here.

    • Clark_Nova

      Autotune is the last refuge of the untalented musical wanabee.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Classy baby! “White House is a dump…not classy like my hotels!”

    [Trump International Hotel in Las Vegas teeming with bed bugs, some guests claim
    What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas — unless you’re staying at a Trump hotel and get eaten alive by bed bugs.

    That’s what some guests said happened to them recently when they stayed at the luxury Sin City resort owned by President Trump’s business conglomerate.
    When guests at the Trump International Hotel were promised “an experience like no other,” they weren’t counting on creepy crawlies in the middle of their mattresses, or late-night feeding frenzies where they were the food.

    “It is horrible,” guest Donna Goldshine wrote on a review site after she stayed in the hotel March 10, just weeks after Trump’s inauguration.
    About a week earlier, another guest had a similar experience, telling the travel site Trip Advisor that she “woke up with bug bites all over my body, neck, arm legs and hands.”]

    http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/trump-international-hotel-vegas-bed-bugs-guests-claim-article-1.3193510
    http://www.bedbugs.org/images/bedbug-smiling.jpg

  • Rick Hill

    “Robert Mueller has hired ANOTHER new attorney, and this one has a specialty in foreign bribery.”

    Just more circumscriptural evidence.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      I am getting really, REALLY eager for his investigation to start bearing fruit. Let the million pound shithammer fall!

      • bupkus231

        That’s the problem – with all the hype about who Mueller’s hiring, and how much Rump hates Mueller’s investigations ( presumably without knowing any more about them than we do ), anything less than multiple indictments leading directly to impeachment proceedings being started will be a big letdown…

        • sarafina

          If it only takes one to demolish the orange shitgibbon, that’s ENOUGH.

    • Randy Riddle

      Maybe it would be easier to let us know what top attorneys are left that he hasn’t hired for this case.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        Mueller gets to those top lawyers before TRMP and Company, also too. Although many of them would never ever defend TRMP, his family or any of his stoolies.

  • Beowoof14

    Is anyone else struck by how long the list of dumbfuckery is today.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      Just another day in Trumperdise.

    • Randy Riddle

      The list grows longer each day. By the mid-terms, you won’t read it, but just stare at it for a moment in the morning before reaching for the GREAT YOOGE TRUMP RUSSIAN VODKA AVAILABLE NOW…

  • Vienna Woods

    So people were marveling over zucchini sizes last night; here is what I just found in my garden: https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c87e56fa6843fe5ef237ac0182234421f90f39c25142bc85e99eab7d154666e6.jpg

    • Oblios_Cap

      Vinta crackers? You’ve got some garden.

  • bupkus231

    Part of Charlie Pierce’s take on “The White House is a dump”:

    Link: http://www.esquire.com/news-politics/news/a56759/trump-white-house-real-dump/

    …The problem is that the president has no respect for the institution of the presidency. He has no respect for the People’s House, where Abraham Lincoln and John F. Kennedy strode the halls, just like he has no respect for democratic norms or the rule of law or the word of the president. …

    I wish I could respond that eloquently when I hear RWNJs saying one has to respect Rump and the office of the Presidency. The Shithead-in-chief himself does not respect the office!

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      It’s going to be interesting to see if there is any backlash at all from his supporters over this. And whether he walks the comments back in any way.

      • bupkus231

        “FAKE NEWS!111!!!!!!”, of course

    • Still better than when obama disrespected the White House by not being white.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Paul Ryan is totally ready to build Trump’s wall so he made a little movie doing his best Walker, Texas Ranger impression.

    Damn. There’s something that’s more horrible to watch than Walker, Texas Ranger?

  • SadDemInTex

    Al Franken for President 2020

    • miss_grundy

      He and Colbert had fun last night….

    • SprinklemagicResistancebuns

      Ah, to have back a POTUS with an actual sense of humor.

      • sarafina

        Ah, to have a POTUS with an IQ above room temperature.

        • Invisible Bunyip

          In Centigrade room temperature is about 25.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Chelsea Clinton is defending the White House staff after Trump called the White House “a real dump,” stating in a tweet, “Thank you to all the White House ushers, butlers, maids, chefs, florists, gardeners, plumbers, engineers & curators for all you do every day.”

    “Servants that expect you to be nice to them is part of the problem. Bah Humbug!”
    — Ivanka Trump

  • bupkus231

    ” …It’s not a racist move, it’s just taking a separate (but equal) approach to civil rights….”

    Uh….

    [ Perfect, Dominic – just perfect ]

    • Ghenghis McCann

      “Separate (but equal)” Someone remind me what that is in Afrikaans.

  • Ghenghis McCann

    State propaganda? Real news? Reminds me of the old Soviet-era joke about the two official Russian newspapers Pravda (Truth) and Izvestia (News). “There’s no news in the Truth, and no truth in the News.”

    • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

      That’s why I did Project Veritas was Latin for Pravda.

  • Zyxomma

    Rare Somali Wild Ass Babies is my new brass punk band name.

  • bupkus231

    Morgan might well be the most formidable Florida politician not in public office. His wealth, which he once described as somewhere “north of Mitt Romney,” combined with off-the-charts name recognition from more than a decade of saturation advertising for his national law firm…

    While I didn’t know that Morgan’s firm was “national”, I sure can attest to the “saturation advertising” on the Central Florida airwaves. Of course, the Central Florida airwaves have the most lawyer ads of anywhere in the country, but “Morgan&Morgan” leads the pack:

    [ From 2015 ) Link: http://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/os-morgan-morgan-lawyer-ads-20151027-post.html

    • Central Florida, it’s like a whole ‘nother country.

      • The Wanderer

        “Central Florida, it’s like a whole ‘nother country” – where they don’t like Americans.
        fify

      • ahughes798

        It’s a horrible place to live, and visit. Spent a lot of time in Hernando County. Brooksville. Quaint, and full of bigots.

    • cmd resistor

      We also have LOTS of lawyer billboards.

      • (((Aron)))

        One thing I DO NOT MISS from my time at UF.

        • cmd resistor

          The ones that kill me are the “Lawyer X got me $300,000.” We also have a vasectomy billboard.

          • (((Aron)))

            I can’t even begin to imagine what that vasectomy surgeon pays for billboard advertising, considering the huge number he owns.

          • cmd resistor

            I’ve only ever seen the one near my town but he must have other ones. There was an anti-abortion billboard with pictures of sperm on it; someone suggested they should have those two next to each other.

          • (((Aron)))

            Hi-O!

            What’s the doctor’s name? Maybe I’m thinking of someone else.

          • cmd resistor

            I can’t remember. It’s on a part of I-95 just south of Ft. PIerce but I don’t pass it often enough to remember.

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      We get Morgan&Morgan and The Cochran Firm (as in Johnny Cochran here in Atlanta. I am disabled and I watch TV from 7 am – 2 pm and also OTA channels because no cable. The ads that are targeted to the disabled and the oldz are insane.
      See also Bear, Trumpy; Supplies, Diabetes; Insurance, Life

  • Carpe Vagenda
    • HorseChestnut

      Wait, you mean there are differences between men’s and women’s clothing? I never noticed. /s

    • Ms.Moon

      Warm clothes are better in men’s. Men’s sweatpants and sweatshirts are always heavier, warmer materials. All my sweat stuff is men’s because I am always cold and I’m not spending money for clothes that looks cute but keeps me cold.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        I used to dress my daughter in boy clothes for a variety of reasons. 1) She was an earlier developer and wanted baggier clothes. 2) The clothes were better constructed and less expensive. 3) She was/is a tomboy and was rough on clothes and shoes.
        Then she started identifying as gender queer and it all made sense.

    • SprinklemagicResistancebuns

      Pockets. POOOOOOCKEEEEEETS.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        eShakti. Pockets as far as the day is long. Also, sleeves.

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        My beloved is always confounded by how shallow the pockets in my jeans are… having pockets that are essentially non-functional makes no sense to him and offends his engineering soul.

        • SprinklemagicResistancebuns

          Making even less sense are the fake pockets on the back of so many women’s slacks. WTF is the point?

          • sgt. jmk of the résistance

            They blither on about “clean lines” and “profiles,” but the real reason is to slow us down by making us lug bags of our stuff around wherever we go.

    • sarafina

      Who is Bree Mae and should I care?

      • Carpe Vagenda

        No idea. I found the takedown of the dismissive attitude the gentlebro was exhibiting refreshing.

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      That was lovely.

  • Vienna Woods

    “To be honest, we’re not sure who’s the bigger asshole in this story.”
    AOT,K.

  • chascates

    I saw Wild Ass Babies open for Humble Pie.

    • SprinklemagicResistancebuns

      Tribute to?

  • puredog

    “Wild Ass Babies” is a fine band name also too.

  • Maxine Waters now has a “I’m-gonna-take-your-asses-to-church” party remix! (will a Kanye verse bless us in the next mix?)

    http://www.billboard.com/articles/columns/hip-hop/7882425/maxine-waters-reclaiming-my-time-gospel-remix

    • SprinklemagicResistancebuns

      Not meaning to be shallow, but that dress she wore in that picture (to the MTV awards) was amazing. tRump could learn a thing or million about calss from Auntie Maxine.

      • SprinklemagicResistancebuns

        Class, also too.

  • (((Aron)))

    BAAAAAAAABY DOOOOOOOOOOOONKEEEEEEEEEEEEEYS!

  • Bitter Scribe

    Sessions would be a great chief for the Department of Homeland Security. He has a wild hair up his ass to deport every “illegal alien” he can get his hands on, which is apparently all the job requires.

    • (((Aron)))

      I just watched a video about (not-so) hairy wild asses! What a coincidence!

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    That’s some wild hairy ass, baby.

    • Khavrinen

      I couldn’t help reading that in Zapp Brannigan’s voice.

  • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

    Voter Suppression in Georgia, y’all. I have reported this to my followers on Twitter and FB.

    GA Voters. State purged 500+K "inactive" voters. @ajc https://t.co/jTWluVngXA @RawStory https://t.co/z55ApENWLS #TheResistance #ga4bernie— Cynthia Coles (@cynmac07) August 2, 2017

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      Yay! I am already getting Retweets!

    • HazooToo

      This last election, I checked my registration every other week. Turned out to be a good idea, as somewhere between the DNC and September, I was somehow no longer registered. I re-upped immediately.

  • Khavrinen

    “Sen. Corey Booker introduced the Marijuana Justice Act, a fantastic bill that would legalize weed at the federal level, and deny funding for jails and prisons in states that don’t comply. Unfortunately, if it’s not lost in committee, it’s likely to go up in smoke.”

    Yeah, it seems a little pointless to introduce it now, knowing what the rest of the members of Congress are currently like.

  • Oh my god, you guys! Matt, the Cruise Director is wearing a “Cat-in-the-Hat” chapeau. Even in tall floppy hats he is so freakin gorgeous!

  • Yr. Gma

    Did anybody make a wild ass vegan butthole baby joke yet?

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    sadly ont he VA news, that’s not necessarily so. Word is they’re scaling back opiods for EVERYBODY, even people with chronic pain issues who can’t other treatment (i.e. weed).

  • tehbaddr

    That’s some nice wild Ass! I’ve had my share of Wild Ass but I don’t think they looked like that. At least I don’t remember them looking that way.

Previous articleA Gross Love Letter To The Mooch, From His Girlfriend Sara Benincasa
Next articleHate The Wall Street Journal’s Paywall? Just Read Their Batshit Trump Interview On Politico Instead!