SHARE
bad brain

This story will bring you JOY, and after that maybe a moment of “Really? The White House’s cyber security is this bad?” But then you’ll careen right back into JOY, because an internet troll guy from the UK shared VERY FANCY fake email relationships with half the idiots in the White House, including Anthony Scaramucci and Jared Kushner, and no one was the wiser until Eric Trump, known genius, figured out the person on the other side of the email was not actually his big brother Donald Jr.

CNN reports that Mr. British Guy, who says he was just funnin’ around, pretended to be Jared Kushner in an email to the GUY AT THE WHITE HOUSE WHO DOES CYBER SECURITY. It worked:

“Tom, we are arranging a bit of a soirée towards the end of August,” the fake Jared Kushner on an Outlook account wrote to the official White House email account of Homeland Security Adviser Tom Bossert. “It would be great if you could make it, I promise food of at least comparible (sic) quality to that which we ate in Iraq. Should be a great evening.”

Bossert wrote back: “Thanks, Jared. With a promise like that, I can’t refuse. Also, if you ever need it, my personal email is” (redacted).

Wow, just wow.

Here’s that email:

OK, that’s hilarious. But it wasn’t the best “get” for our merry prankster, who tweets as @SINON_REBORN. The best was when he became part of the palace drama surrounding the untimely departures of former White House Chief of Staff Reince Priebus and his archnemesis, vanquished rage harpy Anthony Scaramucci.

As CNN explains, on Saturday, the day after Reince Priebus was quit-fired, Mister Silly Emails put on his Reince Priebus robe and wizard hat and dropped Scaramucci a line:

“I had promised myself I would leave my hands mud free,” wrote the fake Priebus, “but after reading your tweet today which stated how; ‘soon we will learn who in the media who has class, and who hasn’t’, has pushed me to this. That tweet was breathtakingly hypocritical, even for you. At no stage have you acted in a way that’s even remotely classy, yet you believe that’s the standard by which everyone should behave towards you? General Kelly will do a fine job. I’ll even admit he will do a better job than me. But the way in which that transition has come about has been diabolical. And hurtful. I don’t expect a reply.”

So dramatic! Also, there’s no way in hell Reince Priebus’s email syntax is anything like that. But, you know, fool Scaramucci once, can’t get fooled again:

“You know what you did. We all do. Even today. But rest assured we were prepared. A Man would apologize.”

YOU. KNOW. WHAT. YOU. DID!

Fake Reince emailed again and said Scaramucci was so shitty at Doing White House that he left “upset in his wake,” and Scaramucci, STILL NOT REALIZING he was emailing with a British who wasn’t even trying to Sound ‘Murican, replied:

“Read Shakespeare. Particularly Othello. You are right there. My family is fine by the way and will thrive. I know what you did. No more replies from me.”

Oh. My. God. Did we say this story would bring you joy? WERE WE CORRECT?

Obviously our prankster had a blast doing pen-pal time with Anthony Scaramucci, who clearly is as stupid as he seems/looks. Before he impersonated Priebus, he fake-mailed Scaramucci pretending to be former Utah governor Jon Huntsman, whom Donald Trump has nominated to be his placeholder ambassador in Russia. (Our real ambassador to Russia is whatever kompromat Vladimir Putin has on Trump. ALLEGEDLY.)

“Who’s (sic) head should roll first?” the bogus Huntsman asked from a Gmail account on Friday, before the Priebus termination had been announced. “Maybe I can help things along somewhat.”

“Both of them,” responded the real Scaramucci, in an apparent reference to both Priebus and White House Senior Adviser Steve Bannon, about whom Scaramucci has been quite critical.

And they kept emailing and emailing and emailing, and finally Scaramucci told Fake Jon Huntsman that he really should go visit Moscow, because Trump people fucking LOVE Russia for some mysterious reason.

AND ALSO! (Yes, the Duke of Emails was not finished.) If Fake Jon Huntsman can trick Real Anthony Scaramucci, can Fake Eric Trump trick Real Jon Huntsman? YES. HE. CAN. Our impostor really captured Eric’s spirit here, we think:

“Maybe we could have Dad sat (sic) on a horse, top off, giving the full Putin! He’s in better shape than his suits suggest.”

Dear Jon Huntsman: Don’t feel bad! Wonkette probably would have pegged that for the real Eric Trump too.

As we alluded to above, it all fell apart when Eric Trump got some emails from his “brother”:

BWHAHAHAHAHAHA WONKETTE MAKE JOKE. Those aren’t fake emails at all, that’s part of the REAL Russia conspiracy email chain Dumbfuck Don Jr. sent everybody and their sister last summer.

CNN doesn’t report exactly what Fake Junior said to Real Eric that tipped him off — maybe he accurately called their dad a weak and failing twat, which Don Jr. would NEVER SAY — but indeed, Real Eric Trump solved this mystery.

Amazing.

Anyway, we feel the last words of this post should be BUT THEIR EMAILS, so … BUT THEIR EMAILS!

Wonkette salaries are fully funded by lovely souls like YOU! If you love us, click below to pay our salaries!

[CNN]

$
Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • Wild Cat
  • Zonath

    Now that the Mooch is out of work, he’s really banking on getting that big payout for handling a financial transaction for an ex-oil minister of Nigeria.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    It’s derp all the way down in the Donald WH.

  • Vincent Ricola

    This is delightful.

  • Bananas Foster

    My takeaway from all of this:

    Man, I used to respect Jon Huntsman. WTF is he doing on this ship of fools?

  • canes_pugnaces

    OT: Ivanka Trump is having a reset of her own [CNN].

    Because everyone in NYC, including her social circles, think she is a vapid, self-serving asshole. Just saying.

  • BrendaKay

    That Eric Trump is the only one who was not fooled makes me giggle.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Eric was probably suspicious because he temporarily forgot he even has a brother.

      • beingreleased

        Technically, he has 1.5 brothers.

      • Weird Fishes

        He’s busy disavowing any knowledge of anyone.

  • ArgieBargie

    I remember saying back in the mid 2000s: “Yes, these are the stupidest, most evil motherfuckers to ever rule this country, but on the bright side, things can only get better from now on.”

    Little did I know.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Peak wingnut is a lie.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Colbert asked Sam Bee if she longed for the warm fuzzies of the Bush years. I didn’t think Republicans could possibly elect anyone dumber and more incompetent. Bristol Palin 2024, y’all!!!!!!

      • nightmoth

        Hush yo’ mouth!

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Oh, christ. It’s almost inevitable, isn’t it? :(

        • Seek

          Well, she can wrestle (see: The Thrilla in Wasilla) and shoot a machine gun so … sure, WTF, why not

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          Cheer up, maybe governor Kid Rock will best Bristol in the primaries.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Read Shakespeare. Particularly Othello.

    Moochi is going to strangle his estranged wife! That Bastard!

    • therblig

      he’s lost his moorings

      • Something something Ophelia pain?

        • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

          I’d respond, but I really gotta get Iagoing

      • PubOption

        He’s just a Iagoff. (Capital I at the end of the last word. Sans Serif is messing with my puns.)

        • Oblios_Cap

          ISWYDT

  • William
    • Who could have known weird Scandinavian-sized ALLEN WRENCHES would be involved?

    • Bozilingus

      To be fair, IKEA is hard.

  • therblig

    is tom bossert still in charge of the cyber?

  • Vincent Ricola

    I thought Ghouliani and young Barron were teaming up to do the best cyber for the White House? How did they let this go on so long? WTF, you guys?

    • Oblios_Cap

      And someone from across the pond, at that!

  • beingreleased
    • Oblios_Cap

      Well, the idiocy and bigotry go hand-in-hand.

  • ManchuCandidate

    WH email Password: Guest

    • BreakingDeadMen

      MAGA

    • Crystalclear12

      Password 123?

      • Latverian Diplomat

        Eric Trump heartbroken that he is not the “special character” the password system seems to insist on.

    • OddMan

      Next e-mail:
      “What was the name of our first dog I forgot?”
      “And the name of the Street where you grew up on what was that again?”
      “And mom’s maiden name I always get that confused?” (Admittedly for the trump kids this could be a hard one to remember)

      • MrTusks

        Hey bro, updating beneficiary information for my trust. Can you remind me of your DOB and SSN?

    • grindstone

      $5 says there’s a router in the network with admin/admin defaults still on it.

    • Bobathonic

      All the cypher locks are set to 1-2-3-4.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Wow! Same as my luggage!

  • canes_pugnaces

    Alert: a friend who is an editor at a major magazine (think Papa Sammucci bile fest), is preparing an Ivanka + Jared issue for the fall. Should be a major burn.

    • Paperless Tiger

      Is that Fall, like the season, or fall, like the fall of Trump’s house of cards?

      • canes_pugnaces

        Good point, as in October.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Some sorta celebrity skin mag?

  • One can only assume Moochie is beginning a lucrative career of working FROM HOME OVER THE INTERNETS and making enough scratch to buy all of the Alpha Alfa Romeos just like his friend Shelia.

    • ImGoingBacon

      Land Range Rover libels!

      • shivaskeeper

        Laurie libelz, at that as well also, too.

      • Youse callin’ The Mooch a ‘SOCCER MOM’?

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      Mooch is Lori! The mystery is solved!

  • Latverian Diplomat

    This just in…Trump White House dispatches FBI to catch running refrigerator. Health status of Prince Albert still to be determined.

    • therblig

      i’d be interested in how his butcher’s shoes fit.

      • (((fka_donnie_d)))

        OK, I haz a stupid I am missing that one

        • therblig

          butcher: hello?
          caller: do you have pigs’ feet?
          butcher: yes, i do
          caller: how do your shoes fit?

          • (((fka_donnie_d)))

            Dr Moreau on Line 2

          • WIDTAP

            I am having my doubts about (((fka_donnie_d))). Clearly a youth not misspent well enough.

          • therblig

            probably never even ordered pizzas for a hated neighbor. that’s just tragic.

    • OrG

      Maybe they’ll find Mike Hunt.

      • Bozilingus

        I hear the predisent is looking for Amanda Hugankiss.

        • ImGoingBacon

          If only someone would appreciate Hugh Jass.

          • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

            He IS President, after all

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        …or the elusive I P Freeley.

        • Alicejdahlberg

          Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family! !at290d:
          On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
          !at290d:
          ➽➽
          ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialJobsCash590TopForcePay$97Hour ★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★:::::!at290l..,…

      • grindstone

        or Anita Dick.

      • SadDemInTex

        Or Jimmy Hoffa

    • CindyinEncinitas

      *knocks on door…giggles…runs away*

      • WIDTAP

        Wonder if Trump will stomp out the bag on fire.

  • William
  • Crystalclear12

    Wonder how much money they’ve sent to Nigerian princes.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      That would involve actually paying for something…

      • BreakingDeadMen

        They gave the routing numbers, the Princes found out they were really broke after all

  • MynameisBlarney
  • OddMan

    Great job of cyber security there in the WH. Hell Russia must know all the codes to everything by now.
    A tie-in OT.
    Here is a little story that makes me a bit uneasy with the bucket of monkey shit we have running things.
    Russia is planning on the largest troop exercise since the height of the Cold War (which we are still in the middle of). A hundred thousand troops, thousands of tanks and aircraft will be in Belarus in September for a huge operation called Zapad. All the experts say this is an offensive readiness test not a defensive test. A big fuck you we are powerful show of force.
    https://www.nytimes.com/2017/07/31/world/europe/russia-military-exercise-zapad-west.html

    • William

      Maybe…but as I understand it, Putin is so pissed about the sanctions he’s threatening to resign from Trumps reelection campaign.

    • Oblios_Cap

      I’ll start worrying more when the Russkies start paying their troops a living wage.

  • Hemp Dogbane

    Mooch woulda fired that guy if he had one more day.

  • Royal Ugly Dude

    You can’t appreciate Shakespeare until you’ve read it in the original Klingon.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Heh. My favorite story about that is that the language nerd who developed Klingon intended it to be like E-Prime, a language with no “to be” verb. And then they hand him a Klingon quoting Hamlet’s Soliloquy…

  • scubaix

    I’ve read a couple accounts of this…but no one answers this: What does Mooch thinks he knows that Priebus did??

    • Paperless Tiger

      I’ll take Russia for 500, Alex.

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      I think he’s still talking about leaks

      • scubaix

        Possibly. But which leak? why be ambiguous with ‘you know what you did’? why say ‘be a man and apologize’? It seems it would have to be a major leak or it’s something else entirely.

        • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

          I could go either way. It’s some major malfeasance, or, he’s implying there’s some major malfeasance.

    • canes_pugnaces

      Allowing Soros to sleep in the Lincoln Bedroom.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      I dunno but The Mooch also emailed Albert Einstein to say “I know all about that unifying theory. No more replies from me.”

    • Interesting how Jared went from Generic White Bread Blandly Handsome Pretty Boy to Creepy Skinny Guy Who Plays Organ at the Funeral Parlor and the Baptist Church in just a few months.

      • therblig
      • Crystalclear12

        Pence helped.

      • elviouslyqueer

        Shhhhhhh! You’re gonna kill Evan’s boner.

        • It’s a fact of life that Frat Boy Sexy is like Iceberg Lettuce: it doesn’t survive long past its sell by date.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Jared Kushner and Bernie Tiede – brothers from another mother.

      • armed_bears

        … and is always seen at Walmart buying mesquite chips, but never any beef.

      • Red Bird

        When does he turn into recent convict?

      • MrTusks

        Jared is the guy who is summoned to where where James Bond is tied up and starts slowly unpacking arcane implements of torture while the villain is monologuing.

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      Either Stephen or Seth did a bit where they revoiced this with Gilbert Gottfried

      • NastyBossetti

        It was Jon Oliver.

      • William
        • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

          THANK YOU! How funny that I completely spaced on John Oliver! Of course it was him. He’s so devilish!

  • MynameisBlarney
  • ImGoingBacon

    ‘But the way in which that transition has come about has been diabolical.’
    Come for the diabolical laughter, stay for the diabolical acting.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Something else that brought me joy – a comment on Paul Ryan’s “The Wall” video: “if this doesn’t deter people from coming here, nothing will.”

    Obligatory: “Roger Waters libelz!!!”

  • ‘this iphone speaks many languages’ including Treasonfuckitstani…

  • MynameisBlarney

    So…
    Anyone makin’ bets on how long before people in and around the turmp regime start dyin’ off in mysterious ways?

    • Pinkham’s Law

      I thought Killary had retired?

      • MynameisBlarney

        “Officially” that’s true.

      • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

        Ohhh, all those accusations were just advance cover for what they planned to do all along!

    • greyXstar

      I’m surprised it hasn’t already happened.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Well now that Reince is no longer around to swat the odd flying insect, Trump staffers could start accidentally swallowing and choking on flies. With votes! And flies!

      • therblig

        bannon was choking on his fly until he learned to unzip it with his teeth.

  • memzilla Ω

    BREAKING: Donald Trump Jr. Announces New Partnership With Nigerian Prince

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      “All Trump’s supporters recommended him, saying the Nigerian Prince was from God and would make them all rich SUCK IT ELITES! and that’s why they voted him into office”

    • Zonath

      Sorry. Already been tapped as new WH Communications Director.

      • OrG

        HAHA! You said tapped.

    • AJ Milne

      Facebook A.I. isn’t isn’t isn’t isn’t already here.

  • lucidamente

    At this point, I’m waiting for those Montreal shock jocks who pranked Sarah Palin to call up Ivanka while one of them pretends to be Emmanuel Macron.

  • Michael Smith

    Hahaha the food will be as good as we had in Iraq? Ohh well in that case I can’t resist!

    Is this a Monty Python sketch lampooning the Empire?

  • MynameisBlarney

    Meanwhilst, at the MAGA HQ Tattoo Parlor..

    https://i.imgur.com/Ph9cr1j.jpg

  • William
    • MynameisBlarney

      There had fuckin damn well better be some motherfuckers goin to goddamn prison over this shit.

    • canes_pugnaces

      Fake news. Trump was simply saying that when you meet someone who works for Hillary s/he might wanna be shot with murder, and all, ’cause libtards gonna be libtards.

    • SayItWithWookies

      NPR has a huge story about it – there are some remarkable parallels between the Trump team’s behavior around the meeting with the Russians in June and the White House (!) meeting to push this story. And Christ, it’s only Tuesday, but this week could be worse for those fuckers than last week.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      They’ve got to subpoena Ed “Kick” Butowski.

  • greyXstar

    This is the single greatest thing I’ve ever read in my life. I’m going to frame it.

  • Mavenmaven

    Blingees aren’t the same without the Justin Biebers.

  • Joe Beese

    Fortunately, he’s got lots of time now to work on that.

    https://twitter.com/yashar/status/892435185270181889

    • Mehmeisterjr

      The best person he can be?

      That’s lowering the bar to the fucking sub-basement.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Scaramucci: It’s time for some introspection. Some real reflection and soul-searching {stares intently into distance for 1 minute}

      Scaramucci: Okay, that’s done. Now what?

  • “Yes” the littl’ devil on my shoulder says “It’s Tuesday morning in Trumpland”…

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/365eb3b6b3ba7cbed5a2e8449798c8882f349d21c6dd4bc698d4abfe101e6077.gif

  • elviouslyqueer
    • dslindc

      3 miles on really humid days.

    • MrTusks

      Shit’s not bad enough, and you gotta remind me of my Queen of Thorns?

  • Jus_Wonderin
  • Crystalclear12

    Think of that poor IT guys liver:
    “Mr. President you clicked on what?. . . pornado, huh?. . . yeah, I’ll be right there.”
    *grabs flask*
    “” don’t know why this keeps happening ” my ass!”

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Even if he added a cheerio and a toodle pip, the Mooch still would have been clueless.

  • nightmoth

    I want this Brit to be the British ambassador to our benighted country.

    • Courser_Resistance

      I used that word just the other day while I was doing laundry. “Gotta wash this benighted thing!” It was a polypro shirt I’d had to wear two days in a row. Love the stuff, but man can it hold odor.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Fool me once, shame on you – fool me twice, shame on Obama.

  • OT but Juicy…

    The Fox News Channel and a wealthy supporter of President Trump worked in concert under the watchful eye of the White House to concoct a story about the murder of a young Democratic National Committee aide, according to a lawsuit filed Tuesday.
    The first page of the lawsuit quotes a voicemail and text from Butowsky boasting that President Trump himself had reviewed drafts of the Fox News story just before it went to air and was published

    http://www.npr.org/2017/08/01/540783715/lawsuit-alleges-fox-news-and-trump-supporter-created-fake-news-story

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/29d7489479d2eaff5e79c9e1d61b48608a41823c585d7362d912398e64dc7740.jpg

    • jesterpunk

      I hope the Rich family winds up owning Fox when this is all done and fires Lumpy on live TV.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      He was just “kidding” dontcha know. This bunch has an odd sense of humor.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Edith Prickly

      That is exactly what I would do if someone handed me that story to read.

  • Edith Prickly
    • Courser_Resistance

      He has such a goofy laugh that I adore it.

      • chortlingdingo

        I like the head-thrown-back-clutch-at-left-bosom laugh that he does.

        • Courser_Resistance

          Yup, that one too!

          I was watching the gag reel from Age of Ultron on Sunday afternoon. I’d missed it somehow, but it was a lovely find

      • Edith Prickly

        Completely adorkable.

  • Hey!

    These guys are FAKE GOOBERS if they know what
    “soirée” means!!!1!1!
    https://pics.me.me/663961490655842304-Twitter.png

  • dslindc

    Emails come in, emails go out. You can’t explain that!

  • Vagenda of Rebel Scum
    • SomeBigRedDog

      Ha Ha! Cats are dumb.

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        They are scary good at problem solving. Their idea of a problem to be solved is not the same as a human idea. Thus, to dogs and un discerning humans, they can appear “dumb”.

        • Catstro

          Yeah, my cats know that if they try to annoy me while I’m sleeping, I’m probably going to ignore them, or at the very least not give them what they want when they want it (NOW), so they go scratch on Kitler’s door because they know I’ll be up in a split second. I know damn well that I shouldn’t reward it, but there isn’t a good way to stop the behavior. Motherfuckers are persistent.

        • William
    • Courser_Resistance

      Outstanding!

    • The Librarian

      I’ve always loved this cartoon. We still use the phrase “cat fud” when going to buy food for our kitties.

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        Me too. It confuses the hell out of autocorrect on grocery lists

        • The Librarian

          IKR? It wants to auto-correct to fudge or gif.

        • Catstro

          My autocorrect finally got it

      • Oblios_Cap

        It’s taped to our fridge.

    • chortlingdingo

      I had a friend growing up whose cat really did get shut in the dryer. She was alive when they noticed her in there and got her out, but ultimately didn’t make it. She was such a lovely cat, too. Er, sorry to bring the mood down. I’m a bit down myself today.

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        So very sorry. We had a white cat when I was a child who decided to sleep in the dryer with the white sheets. My grandmother, who was almost completely deaf, slammed the door and started the dryer. Fortunately she was able to hear his howls immediately and only his dignity was hurt.
        Sadly, cats, especially young ones, will sleep in places they don’t belong, like car engines, to get a little warmth. It goes with being just smart enough.

  • BrianW

    For some reason, I’m reminded of Jimmy Breslin’s book about the 1962 Mets, Can’t Anybody Here Play This Game?

  • For those of you who have interest in sportsball, this is the best new thing in the world today:

    https://www.nytimes.com/2017/07/31/sports/baseball/steve-bartman-chicago-cubs-world-series-ring.html

    • Vincent Ricola

      Aw. This makes me happy. My mom is a huge Cubs fan and will be so pleased.

    • SadDemInTex

      I’m really glad about this.

    • OrG

      As a Cardinals fan,fuck the Cubs. But this is cool.

      • As a Red Sox fan, I have always sympathized with the Cubs fans (curses, etc.) But this guy really suffered. There was a documentary made about him and the incident.

  • andyshelt

    So, I guess at this point being given a job by Trump is the equivalent of a British character actor getting the call to appear in Game of Thrones.

    It’s going to end badly.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/0ee2080144cc7c8131ba95b41701f4a4d20cb0d81ae39969c8a6dadb8ee15911.jpg

  • Master Contrail Program

    Kudos for not typing the redundant U’s at least.

  • The Librarian

    Just goes to show you can fool many of the RWNJs most of the time. These people are pretending to run our government. SAD

    • Raan

      Unfortunately, unlike the Soviets, we can’t pretend to pay them.

  • Everrett Fanuelli
  • Raan

    More importantly, this proves why Scaramucci was shitcanned – he angered President Bannon.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      That would be awesome if one of the driving forces behind Mooch’s dismissal was his response to a fake email.

  • jesterpunk

    OT but China is even criticizing Twitler for twitting so much.

    https://www.nytimes.com/2017/08/01/world/asia/china-trump-north-korea.html

    BEIJING — After President Trump pilloried China in 48 tweeted words, accusing it of failing to tame its neighbor and longtime ally North Korea, Beijing issued its own rebuke to Mr. Trump — in a cutting editorial of 1,000 Chinese characters from Xinhua, the official news agency.

    “Trump is quite a personality, and he likes to tweet,” said the Xinhua response issued late Monday and widely displayed on Chinese news websites. “But emotional venting cannot become a guiding policy for solving the nuclear issue on the peninsula,” it said, referring to the divided Korean Peninsula.

    The United States, it added, “must not continue spurning responsibility” for the volatile standoff with North Korea, “and even less should it stab China in the back.”

    • GreenGoldSharpie

      And his tweeting is going to blow up this delicate situation.

      He’s putting millions of people in danger now.

      • jesterpunk

        Yes he is, he is going to start a war or get people in South Korea killed by being an idiot.

        • WotsAllThisThen

          And Trump’s fans will cheer because that is Being Tough. Also blame Obama.

          • jesterpunk

            “Why didn’t Obama warn us it was a bad idea to elect Trump.”

          • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

            Oh, I can see it now – “Obama was WEAK, and forced Trump to GIT TUFF by bombing! So it’s his fault for not stopping it in the first place!”

  • Anna Rompage

    Speaking off bullshit pranks, it appears Lying Spice just confirmed the story that the White House collaborated with Fox News to promote the fake news story on Seth Rich…

  • William
    • Red Bird

      It’s amazing how many dogs and cats have social media accounts. When I was on the Book of Faces back in 2008, I specifically told my dog that I didn’t think it was a good idea for him to open an account. I feel vindicated.

    • Doug Langley

      Reminds me what David Gerrold said when he discovered people were using word processors instead of typewriters. “Just what the world needs! Ten times as much shit.”

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Obviously if they fell for a prankster they would have fallen for a real phishing attack, which we wouldn’t hear about if they did.

  • laughingnome

    Email – who can explain it?

  • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

    OT: in case anyone is getting too much sleep!

    https://twitter.com/TIME/status/892396917379956736

    • h4rr4r

      Were they eating?

    • William

      I don’t dispute the seriousness of the situation, but most of these events are routine. Especially the ejection test.

      • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

        But 4 this year, 3 of those in July? Coupled with the subs exploration into international waters? But I do think this article is the US military letting Lil Kim know we’re aware.

        • William

          I agree. The insinuation that North Korea or any other blue water Navy that dispatches it’s subs outside their territorial waters as being unusual is absurd. Ejection tests are normal and part of any preventative missile launch maintenance. The good news is that the tubes are empty. The closest we came to the shit hitting the fan in the last half decade was 1983 when the soviets put everything they had to sea, and the Arab Israeli war of 1973. Both events pushed us right to the edge and barely got a “meh” from the average American. I can’t be sure, but my guess is that it’s all props. I’m nervous that an idiot is in the West wing, but hopefully the joint chiefs will rattle some keys or something to distract him while they conduct actual business.

    • therblig
      • The Wanderer

        “A ravenous, unthinking Flame-Eater!”

        Gamera?

      • Doug Langley

        Namor’s secret weapon is a Sham-Wow?

        • The Wanderer

          Giant erasers. “I’m gonna rub ya out, see?”

    • Doug Langley

      Reminds me of the campaign where I got into arguments with Trump supporters claiming that Donnie would never, ever, start a war. Unlike the murderous Killery.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        And we would finally get along with Russia!

  • Jennaratrix

    It’s the stupidity that gets me. They’re just so goddamned STUPID.

    • Anna Rompage

      He was a big fish, from a small scummy pond, that is used to bullying his way through anything… That is all

    • TJ Barke

      Hedge funders make lots of money, assume it’s because they’re brilliant, and because they make lots of money no one challenges them.

      • Doug Langley

        Ignoring all the studies which show they would have made the same amount of money if they just hung the stock listings on the wall and threw darts.

  • Poly_Ester

    “Mucci is a character fresh out of a Punch and Judy Show,” you say? Winner, Winner

  • Bitter Scribe

    Pretty funny. I wonder how he got all their email addresses?

    If any real hackers wanted to go after these guys, I have a feeling it would be unnervingly easy.

    • jesterpunk

      Most places follow a pretty common naming convention for emails, first name.lastname@domain.

  • IdiokraticDrumpfenResistance

    He’s thinking of publishing his memoirs of his time in the White House. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a858043ff9019729daa956843e1da33cb8adffb7c858983c9546a096936d49b8.jpg

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    Holy Crap! Is Sarah Huckabuck Sanders modeling Ivanka’s dress designs in the press briefings? She looks like she has two circular saws adorning her shoulders! It’s K-Mart chic!

    • Vincent Ricola

      WHAT IS SHE WEARING?! Good lordy those ruffles!

    • Doug Langley

      What? Has Ivanka come out with a “Flash Gordon” line?

    • BosGrl

      Here’s some free advice, Sarah Plain and Tall: Boat neck jersey for your square face, neutral color (not green), no jewelry (small gold cross OK). Since Dumpster makes all his women wear skirts, may I suggest a black pencil skirt,just above the knee? You’re not an old lady; stop dressing like one.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      You want covered shoulders? You got covered shoulders!

    • jesterpunk

      Investigate Chelsea Clinton for Benghazi?

      • Anna Rompage

        Pretty much!

      • William

        and…and e-mails…oh don’t EVEN get me started on Hillary and her e-mails

  • ken_kukec

    “… fool Scaramucci once, can’t get fooled again …”

    Can never get enough of someone sampling Dubya sampling Pete Townshend.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    SHS loves saying the word “focus” which is ironic considering she and most of the administration are cock-eyed the sailor man.

    • OutOfOrbit

      THE CLINTONS DID IT WAY MOAR WORSER

  • Vincent Ricola

    OT –
    SFucklebeeS: “The Clintons did it! The Clintons did it! The Clintons did it! The Clintons did it! The Clintons did it! The Clintons did it! The Clintons did it! The Clintons did it! The Clintons did it!”

    • OutOfOrbit

      would you repeat that plz

    • 3FingerPete

      Her outfit is the exact opposite of bare shoulders and arms. She must have bought that in Branson.

      • BosGrl

        Jaysus. She looks like one of those sister wives.

      • Edith Prickly

        Right? Beware of narrow doorways, sweetie.

        • 3FingerPete

          It looks like it was sewn by a Duggar girl.

  • calliecallie

    Maybe Eric really is the smrt one.

    • SadDemInTex

      Snap…we wrote it at the same time.

  • Joe Beese
    • NastyBossetti

      My dad always weighs in on false statements I make about potentially criminal meetings I have with foreign agents as part of his campaign for president. Doesn’t yours?

      • Joe Beese

        It’s that kind of quality time that really defines a fatherhood.

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        And he always weighs in on things he also claims he wasn’t aware of or didn’t know about until the press reports on it.

      • Fartknocker

        My Dad gave me my first $1 million. I spent it on liquor, blow, hookers. Then I took the test 2 times and became a firefighter. Man I sure miss blow.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        My mother always provided the alibis in my family.

        • NastyBossetti

          That works. No need for division of these important parenting tasks along gender lines!

    • Beanz&Berryz

      any father… of a crime family…

    • dshwa

      A godfather, maybe

    • Iron Monkey

      Makes sense–even though he is 40 years old, Don Jr. has never left the Trump nest. Wharton grad who has worked for daddy since he got out of college.

    • calliecallie

      Wow. Who are these fucking people? When I think what my father would have said to me about doing something fucking illegal. And I realize that time would have been when I was a teenager, not a 40 year old adult. Oy.

    • Stulexington

      Every dad would try to dictate the response of their 40 year old child? Honey, get away from your dad and seek therapy.

  • SadDemInTex

    Scary thought: Eric is the smrt one

    • Anna Rompage

      Only because he mostly keeps his mouth shut…

      • OrG

        That right there DOES make him the smrt one.

    • jesterpunk

      I thought Not Ivanka was the smart one for staying away from the dumpster fire?

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    OT: Too bad she will lose because Kentucky and rubes. Jason Kander proved that you could still be a kickass person and voters will still pick the corrupt numbnuts because he is R.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CcjG2fK7kNk

  • Trump thinks he holds the ACES, but his threat to dismantle ACA could give insurance companies legal victory in court 😂

    Trump thinks he’s holding all the cards. But Democrats know what’s in his hand, and he’s got a pair of twos,”
    http://www.pokerbonushub.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/pocket2s.jpg

    The Crappiest Poker Player in The World

    • jesterpunk

      He did bankrupt 3 casinos…

      • AJ Milne

        Seriously, for all that it’s scary, and he’s a complete shit for the sabotage attempt (yeah, let’s kill and bankrupt desperate, sick, vulnerable people because I hate looking like I lost), I think I’d be slightly more worried if he were actually trying to help.

    • Ron Fresquez

      Priceless!!!!!!!!!

    • Stulexington

      But each of them is a double ace! That means he’s like holding 4 aces, he can’t loose!

  • Joe Beese

    Hitler was betrayed by his generals. Trump was betrayed by our lack of humor.

    https://twitter.com/markknoller/status/892454701903618053

  • dshwa

    Now I want to know what Preibus did…
    Leaks?
    Vegan entree at Mar-a-lago?
    Hiring Spicy in the first place?
    Fail to convince McCain to vote yes on Healthcare?
    Let his shadow fall on Trump?

    • jesterpunk

      He tried to order his own meal at Trump’s DC hotel not what Trump wanted him to eat.

      • dshwa

        “I told you the salad, not the soup! You’re fired!”

        • BillEGoatSmirk

          No soup for you!!

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Caught sneaking a second scoop?

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        BURN THE UNBELIEVER! ONLY OUR LORD DONALD MAY HAVE THE HOLY SECOND SCOOP!

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    WHERE ARE THE LIGHTNING BOLTS?!? I DEMAND LIGHTNING BOLTS!
    https://twitter.com/chrisgeidner/status/892454745943810048

    • dshwa

      This is why I don’t think any of these people really believe in god or Jesus like they so loudly profess. If you honestly think when you die you’re going on trial for how you lived your life, you don’t behave the way they do.

      • AJ Milne

        I have long figured there’s at least a subset of those professing most religions for whom it’s all about the social network and a sort of social performance. Say you’re in, get the social perks, mostly… Guess the contentious question is what the percentage is. I tend to figure very high as the initial motivator, but stay in long enough, you’ll essentially forget that reason, convince yourself it’s more than that…

        Anyway, some, of course, taking it to especially blatant extremes, are unusually helpful to this claim.

    • AJ Milne

      Just a stutter, I’m sure. And that was meant to read ‘_as_ truthful…’

      (So, y’know, probably achievable.)

  • Suse

    WTF is Sarah wearing?

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    In the new episode of “No Shit, Sherlock” or “The Point” as Chris Cilizza calls it, Chris asks 5 questions about what Trump knew about Jr.s meeting that would barely qualify as tier 1 questions on Bloom’s Taxonomy

    http://www.cnn.com/2017/08/01/politics/donald-trump-emails/index.html

  • William
  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    BUT HER EMAILS!

  • Bananas Foster

    SHS: The outrageous seizure of power through a sham election….

    Damn, she was talking about Venezuela.

  • Red Bird

    Is it just me or does anyone else thinking the White House going to be using these emails as proof that they weren’t involved in any Russia conspiracy? I mean it would be very easy to suddenly say that they were tricked by a fake email scammer from England now that everyone has seen proof of it.

    • jesterpunk

      But Uday already admitted he met with the Russian babby lady.

      • Red Bird

        When has reality stopped them from trying?

        • jesterpunk

          The worst part is people actually buy that bullshit when they deny saying something they just said a few minutes ago.

    • OrG

      Mueller won’t go for that.

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      The Trumpanzees will buy it. People with brains, not so much.

  • The Wanderer

    Here’s an appropriate song for the entire Trump White House:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zj9N95OKUUQ

  • jesterpunk

    Jared doesn’t need to know the history of an area to solve the problems there.

    http://www.nydailynews.com/news/politics/kushner-not-focus-history-middle-east-peace-article-1.3374902

    Jared Kushner is done learning about the Middle East.

    “We don’t want a history lesson,” Kushner told a room full of congressional interns in what was supposed to be an off-the-record lecture. “We’ve read enough books. Let’s focus on how do you come up with a conclusion to the situation.”

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Yeah, take that, stupid books!

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Sure we can solve a what, 5,000-year-old problem without actually knowing anything about how it got that way, right?

      • 3FingerPete

        Countries are just real estate, right? Jared knows real estate.

        • WotsAllThisThen

          So… borrow a billion dollars from Qatar to keep the thing afloat, and if they refuse encourage neighboring countries to embargo and blockade?

          • 3FingerPete

            Redo the West Bank in gold and white marble, then kick out the poors.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        If the ancient Sumerians had read Art of the Deal we wouldn’t even be in this mess!

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      The whole idea of putting this historically ignorant little snot in charge of bringing peace to the Middle East is farcical. Among the most absurd aspects is that he apparently thinks that a “room full of congressional interns” can even BEGIN to find a solution to one of the most intractable problems of modern times.

      • Steve Cole

        All we need is a coke and a smile

        • Komsumverweigerer Ron

          ♫ I’d like to teach the world to sing… ♫

    • NastyBossetti

      He’s just going to go to the Middle East and shout “BYGONES!” and everyone will start anew on equal footing from which great deals can be made and everyone will be pleased.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Just being honest: I don’t know how much this administration knows about anything considering they think putting a Jewish person in charge of settling the Israel/Palestinian or other Middle Eastern affairs is somehow going to be productive.

    • Doug Langley

      Golly! Why didn’t anyone think of that before?

      • Miss Dill

        IK, R? That’s why we needed these Trump people to come show us how their approach would work better…everything is really very simple. : D

  • WotsAllThisThen

    “I’d have to ask the President and get back to you.”
    “Does this mean you will ask him and get back to us?”
    “No, it means I would have to, to answer the question.”

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      You know, frothing at the mouth and being combative is much less grating than being a passive-aggressive little twit.

  • Joe Beese

    The President’s Commission on Combating Drug Addiction and the Opioid Crisis called on President Trump Monday to declare a public health emergency over the epidemic of overdose deaths nationwide. This urgency came in an interim report by the commission that was itself more than a month late. …

    On July 18, Senate Democrats condemned the delay in federal action amid a crisis that claimed over 33,000 lives last year. Drug overdoses now serve as the leading cause of death for Americans under 50. On the Monday conference call, Commission Chair Christie described the death toll as the size of “a September 11 every three weeks.”

    https://theintercept.com/2017/08/01/thousands-died-in-opioid-crisis-while-trump-commission-stalled-on-delivering-crucial-report/

    • Red Bird

      Of course it’s an epidemic. The wrong type of Americans are dying. :(

  • marxalot

    Also, as far as the Mooch is concerned, there’s this.

    • natoslug

      Give it time. Life will correct the record.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    Trump is giving the same excuse on Russia sanctions I give to my mother when shes asks when I’m going to pull the weeds in her yard.

    https://www.nytimes.com/2017/08/01/world/europe/trump-pence-georgia-russia-sanctions.html

  • MynameisBlarney

    Sekulow inserts foot in mouth.

    http://crooksandliars.com/node/131933

    • SeeTrain65

      “Sekulow inserts foot in mouth, steps on dick in process.”

      FIFY

  • whitroth

    *snicker*snicker*ROTFLMAO!

    Now, as a “mere” sr. linux sysadmin, and not a “cybersecurity x-prt”, I read ALL OF MY EMAIL in PLAIN TEXT, NOT HTML, because I don’t care about your cute fonts, I want to know what you have to say to me.

    And that, of course, makes seeing the email address it’s sent from really obvious. Nor can you hide a URL in, say, Brazil, under a “click here”.

    But wait, there’s more: “my family is fine” writes the Moocher? Really? I thought his wife is busy divorcing he, so he doesn’t *have* a family…. (Couldn’t happen to a nicer guy.)

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Well now that he’s out of the picture, his family probably is doing fine. Or at least better.

      • Begin Anew Day

        The party starts when the door closes behind him.

    • phoenix00

      Open Terminal, type “sudo rm /* -rf”…..

  • WIDTAP

    Ok. All of these “really great businessmen”, and none of them have heard of spear-fishing? Did they sleep through the new hire briefings?

    You just know that when Trump launches that retaliatory strike against North Korea, and he pushed the button, the football is going to start sining “Never Gonna Give You Up” by Rick Astley.

    • They just activate the mighty Force-Field of Entitlement for protection.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Do you think if Eric, Jared, Spicer, and Huntsman all send email recommendations I can get a private tour of the White House? Asking for a friend…

  • Ωbjectifier

    Subject: SUSPECTED _SPAM

    I’m not sure that I agree with you a hundred percent on your cyber security there, Lou

  • BigCSouthside

    Lol we fire people for being this stupid

    • mardam422

      We don’t hire people this stupid.

      • Wee Mousie

        I don’t know about you, but I haven’t even met people this stupid, and if I did, I wouldn’t “know” them,

  • Gayer Than Thou

    Oh, I suppose now you’re going to tell me that that hot college wrestler who’s been emailing me is fake too.

    • WIDTAP

      He’s fake, but I really am a Nigerian prince awaiting your credit card or bank account number for that million dollar transfer. You can find my secure link above under “Donate”. You may have to verify your account with a small fee.

  • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist
  • Blanche Beecham

    “… but indeed, Real Eric Trump solved this mystery.”

    Eric doesn’t even resemble Matlock or Jessica Fletcher.

  • Lyly Sirivong

    What domain name did he use for the emails ? Did he fake that as well ? Because that’s the kind of things that should tip you off about the authenticity of an email. Unless you are technologically challenged.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      hotmail

    • phoenix00

      They’re quite challenged on many levels.

  • Stulexington

    So what you’re saying is White House staff and the Trump family are accustomed to receiving and using e-mail accounts from outside official government servers and change them frequently enough that a random new account is just par for the course? I betcha that’s the official spin at least.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    The internet is going to kill us all. We really need to get control of those electrons.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    K, so, help me out here. Who exactly would any of these people be playing in Scaramucci’s version of Othello? Does this make Trump moorish, and is that why his code name is Mogul, and does Kelly know, and if a moorish trump is cuckolded by an italian guy does that make him a kcuc?

    • Trump is Othello and Ivanka his wife so Mooch is Iago and Jared is the non existent cuckhold?
      He shoulda went with merry wives

      • Carpe Vagenda

        I’m pretty sure Shakespeare wrote King Lear specifically with this eventuality in mind.

    • Rickyphoo

      Wait! From what I hear, tRump’s Secret Service code name is “Dipshit”.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Nope. Mogul. Also the name of the longest-running muslim empire in history. And hers is Muse. And they picked those out.

  • theblackdog

    This is going to be in the next edition of all the cybersecurity textbooks about social engineering.

  • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba
  • goonemeritus

    My wife does that “you know what you did” stuff on me, I’m not saying she’s wrong my problem is I never know which one of the shitty things I did that she is talking about.

  • moeman

    Happy. Happy. Joy. Joy.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    What a bunch of maroons.

  • bluicebank

    I suppose some of us owe Eric an apology, for saying he was the dumbest hammer in a bag full of them.

    Say what you will about Eric, but he ain’t falling for that Nigerian Prince scam.

  • Bet fake Don praised Dad and that is what tipped off wee ewic

    • Unsaintific

      LMAO!

  • mardam422

    Dear White House person,
    I’m a Nigerian prince who needs your help.

  • Lorindel Ó Loingsigh

    What a clever clever guy that doesn’t even read his email delivery reports.

    Dear Grande Scaramouche,
    You do not know me but I but I am the nephew of the king of Nigeria. I’m sure you’ve heard of the 1!!!!!1DANGEROUS1!!! situation in my country. I find myself in a dire position in fear of my life and I need to move my VAST FORTUNE to a trusted individual in the land of Frenched fries. This brings me to the point of my question letter…

  • Sekhmet1

    This is positively delicious. I suppose with all these geniuses focusing on Making America Great Again, they can’t be expected to trouble themselves with tedious trifling folderol like checking the sender’s address or the bloody SUSPECTED SPAM tag – you know, like normal people. They get the best spam, you know. It’s great spam, really terrific. No one gets better spam than them.

    I’m willing to bet Scummymoocher no doubt does the email fandango with those totally legit Russian women looking for serious man for genuine relationship, too.

    • kareemachan

      And Nigerian generals’ widows?

  • TootsStansbury

    Jebus. Snort laugh. I’m sure glad these idiots aren’t in important positions with access to the most sensitive information.

    • Andrea Jacobsen

      *sob*

  • Nasty Candy Apple

    Well, “we could have Dad sat on a horse” is the kind of syntax I encountered all the time when I lived in the U.K. I would have known at once it was a British person. Poor Jon Huntsman; I guess his excuse is that he spent a lot of time in China.

    • Rickyphoo

      Or he knew that Eric Trump was that illiterate.

  • Zyxomma

    OMFG.

  • bbayliss

    I seem to recall the question of email security playing a small role in the last election.

  • Speaking of stupid, witness Breitbart trying to polish this turd into a diamond:

    http://www.breitbart.com/jerusalem/2017/08/01/jake-tappers-cnn-report-undermines-networks-russia-hacking-narrative/amp/

    Again, the fallacy of liberal* use of blame rears it’s ugly head

    *Note: I’m using this as a synonym for overly-generous here.

  • Unsaintific

    I want this episode to be in the movie or epic Tv series they will make about President Assmouth.

    • Rickyphoo

      I can hardly wait for someone to make a docudrama about this clusterfuck. I bet it will be even more jaw droppingly awesome that the Julianne Moore movie about Sarah “HooHah!” Palin.

  • Wee Mousie

    I predict that by this Halloween America’s most requested elective surgery will be a prefrontal lobotomy.

    • Ernestinarvictor

      Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family! !at287d:
      On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
      !at287:
      ➽➽
      ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialJobsCash587GroupFindPay$97Hour ★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★:::::!at287..,……

  • sarahjane1912

    From the land of Boaty McBoatface … this is too delicious for words. Absolute blissikins, in fact. Chortle.

  • Petunia Cat

    So Priebus did something out of Othello. Hmm. He just doesn’t strike me as the Iago type. More like Ophelia’s dad, Poli-something, or Osrick. Wormy. Imma go with not praisey enough, for the Othello thing.

  • Xylem

    Priceless.

Previous articleWhy Do All These Demons Keep Attacking Mike Cernovich???
Next articleEverybody Connected To Fox’s Seth Rich Murder ‘Reporting’ Is Completely Fucking Nuts