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Don't mind me, I'm just being a complete asshole.
As long as there’s clean towels at the embassy…

Donald Trump has sent a rescue mission to pluck Kansas Governor Sam Brownback out of the wreckage of his state government now that the Kansas legislature has dismantled Brownback’s tax cuts, which somehow didn’t create a huge economic boom. Maybe because the tax cuts needed to be bigger. But now, Brownback will be U.S. America’s new “ambassador at large for international religious freedom,” a position that has actually been around since 1998. Here’s a fun fact: in 1998, Sam Brownback was in Congress, and he voted for the bill that created the ambassadorship. He’s awfully happy to accept the job and get right on the job of fixing religious freedom around the world:

In a Trump administration that’s been hollowing out the State Department and still hasn’t bothered appointing people to hundreds of administrative positions, it’s good to know the president has his eye on protecting our souls. And even foreigners’ souls. (Souls, yes, Seoul no — Trump hasn’t picked anyone to serve as ambassador to South Korea yet. You’d think that place might be a priority?) And what the heck does an ambassador for religious freedom do? The New York Times ‘splains,

In the ambassadorship, Mr. Brownback would lead the Office of International Religious Freedom, which is under the umbrella of the State Department and charged with promoting religious freedom as a foreign policy objective.

So it’s kind of a human rights job, in an administration that hasn’t really given two shits for human rights in the broader sense, what with the president cozying up to dictators from Turkey to the Philippines. But religious oppression, we care about, especially Christians, who have it the worst, everywhere. And yes, there really are persecuted Christians in several Middle Eastern countries. We have a feeling Brownback, a conservative Catholic who while governor of Kansas did what he could to crack down on abortions and gays, just might not be the top human rights guy for other religious groups facing persecution, but we’re open to being persuaded otherwise.

Over at Esquire, Charlie Pierce asks what seems like a relevant question, maybe: “How is that even a job under a secular Constitution?” Yes, there is religious persecution in the world, but why would we separate out religious rights from human rights? Especially in a government whose top diplomat, Rex Tillerson, said between naps one time that promoting human rights tends to be “an obstacle” to advancing American economic and military interests, because honestly, Jimmy Carter cared about human rights and just see where that got him. Add to that Donald Trump giving Rodrigo Duterte an attaboy for the swell job he’s doing massacring people suspected of being drug dealers or users, and congratulating Recip Tayyip Erdogan on Turkey’s latest step toward dictatorship, and we have some real doubts about the value of bringing Sam Brownback on to monitor the world for religious freedom. Still at least that’s one area of human rights the USA pretends to care about. Maybe Russian gays who are being discriminated against can start a (Christian) church and try to get Brownback’s attention.

Once Brownback is confirmed by the Senate, which will no doubt have some tough theological questions for him, the job of Kansas governor will fall to Lt. Gov. Jeff Colyer, who’ll get to clean up the mess Brownback made. Lucky guy!

We’re hoping that before Brownback creates any international incidents by inviting all Muslims, Buddhists, and Jews to rest easy, his job is to bring the love of Christ to all lands, the Trumpers will give some thought to who’ll fill not only real diplomatic posts, like maybe to Venezuela, which is having a spot of trouble, but also to other abstractions, like the Ambassador for Free Enterprise and the Ambassador for Greatness.

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[Esquire / Deseret News / Brookings Institute / NYT]

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  • msanthropesmr

    Hey Dok = it’s spelled “massacreeing”

  • Proud Liberal

    Oh holy fuck.

  • armed_bears
  • Oblios_Cap

    How much is he getting to spew his god-bothering nonsense that no one wants to hear?

  • msanthropesmr

    Ramzan Kadyrov agrees
    “Religious freedom means beating on Gay People”

    (I look JUST like him. I mean JUST like him. It is unfortunate. Why couldn’t my doppleganger have been George Clooney. Or brad pitt.)

    • schmannity

      My old law partner was like a mirror image of Slobodan Milošević, so it could be worser.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Too bad you guys aren’t still together, you could probably get a meeting with Donald Trump Jr. And Paul Manafort.

    • BreakingDeadMen

      I told my wife after I trimmed my beard that I was looking a little like Clooney. She said “Rosemary?”

      • schmannity

        She should comment here more. I like her style.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      As long as you don’t look like Richard Nixon, you are doing fine.

  • schmannity

    So will he be fighting for religious freedom of Moslems and Hindus?

    • FlownΩver

      Religious freedom of Muslims to control their wimmenfolk, at least.

    • Shawn Renee Ernoehazy

      Also the freedom from religion? The freedom of Sikhs and Buddhists? Did he ever even take a single class in religious studies? Why is this even a job? The Esquire article basically asked the same…

  • Religious Freedom is the first freedom

    No, Healthcare is the first freedom.

    If you’re sick and can’t get treatment and die, you are not free to practice your religion.
    https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-RN76DQSbNsQ/WQDr0ZCgLTI/AAAAAAAAF9c/Elbid4g0rTYM8yA4uW3_VPSMaJNhKBbUwCLcB/s1600/Captain%2BObvious.jpg

    You are a Dumbass

  • SayItWithWookies

    Hey, religious freedom begins at home, Brownback – let’s see you say something positive about American Muslims, Sikhs, atheists, Jews, Buddhists and everyone else’s contributions to our society. As happy as I’d be to see your ass sent abroad, if it’s just to condescend to the rest of the planet, it’s probably not worth it.

    • (((fka_donnie_d)))

      Good luck with that. Once again, we witness the Administration of Putting the Fox in charge of the Department of Henhouse Security.

  • Crystalclear12

    So, he made Kansas great again?

    • MynameisBlarney

      Him leaving is the 1st step.

      • Crystalclear12

        Exactly.

      • Oblios_Cap

        So Making America Great again means that he’s leaving the country. good deal.

  • armed_bears

    “These are godly individuals that God has risen to a position of prominence in our culture,” said Capitol Ministries president and founder Ralph Drollinger. According to CBN, the majority of the cabinet officials attend a frequent Bible study class, that is the first of its kind in at least 100 years.
    http://www.rawstory.com/2017/07/nearly-all-cabinet-officials-attend-bible-lessons-with-right-wing-pastor-who-compares-trump-to-biblical-heroes/

    • armed_bears

      And I just gonna bet they’re not using Jefferson’s version of the Bible…

    • Christians Making Golden Idols Great Again
      https://02varvara.files.wordpress.com/2016/07/00-trump-140716.jpg

      • Doug Langley

        Where’s Charlton Heston when we really need him?

        • therblig

          nursing those cold, dead fingers

      • So when the the earth open up and swallow them?

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          Not soon enough, I’m afraid.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      God has been taking his dear sweet time… What, has he been too busy with other shit, or did He just not have the power to get a fake religionist elected as a symbol of faith-based government?

    • JMP

      So the fundamentalists, like other conservatives, are trying to pretend the W administration never happened and was filled with their own people.

  • aureolaborealis

    I can tell this guy is an asshole because he signs his tweets. That and other reasons.

  • MynameisBlarney

    Religious freedom doesn’t mean the religious get to oppress whoever the fuck they want.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Except for Hobby Lobby, who get a religious exemption for absolutely everything.

      • MynameisBlarney

        The fuckin bastards.

    • Mavenmaven

      Unless they have money.

    • (((fka_donnie_d)))

      They sure think it does.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        I was just starting to type that…

  • chascates

    I’d like to be Ambassador for Freedom From Religion.

  • BreakingDeadMen

    It’s probably good, it will help Kansas and he probably won’t fuck things up TOO much in a ceremonial position.

    • armed_bears

      We’ll see what Shanez weighs in with on that…

  • BreakingDeadMen

    I wonder how Urban Dictionary defines “Brownback?”

    • DainBramage

      “Idiot who shows his devotion to RW Jesus by wearing hideous Santa Claus ties.”

    • FlownΩver

      “A subspecies of midland gorilla characterized by a tendency toward extremely closeted homosexuality and a total lack of empathy”

  • Wild Cat

    “Thus Spake Brownbacksustra”

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Venezuela is in Mexico, right?
    -Trump

    • Creepoman

      I think you’re right – lefty, pitched for the Dodgers in the ’80s.

    • leemoder

      Also applicable to the above photo:

      “What female orgasm?!”

  • Wild Cat

    “The Brownback Bhagavad Gita”

  • MrTusks

    A Brownback sounds like something I should ask Dan Savage about.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    When I’m hungry, I sometimes choose to take my soul down to the deli and buy him a Reuben.

  • Indiepalin

    Next up: Weed Ambassador Jimmy Buffet.

    • armed_bears

      Ambassador to the Parrot Nations.

    • MynameisBlarney

      No.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Willie Nelson libelz!!!

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      I think he could double as booze ambassador.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    I used to work at a large public university, and they had an office called “Institutional Research” where they would park department heads who had either pissed some VIP off, or were doing a shitty job, but who were 5 years or less away from retirement, so the university couldn’t fire them without risking a lawsuit. Nobody had any idea what the Office of Institutional Research did, because actually they didn’t do anything. It was just a parking lot for bad old boys. Why do I have this nagging suspicion that the Office of International Religious Freedom is something along this line?

    • Lance Thrustwell

      I’m thinkin what you’re thinkin*.

      *About this. Many of my other thoughts might cause anxiety.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        I have some of those thoughts too, especially about people who abuse children and animals. Normally I’m a pacifist, but in these cases. . .my thoughts would shock some of my friends.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      This is Pence throwing him a life preserver.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Gee, he’s a rich, entitled white guy. . .can’t he pull himself up by his bootstraps?

        • FlownΩver

          He’s always relied on the kindness of strangers – and there’s no one stranger than Xtian Republicans.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Xtian Republicans is an oxymoron. I’d love to have a t-shirt that says that.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      The Japanese call that a “window job” – someone in management who supervised a colossal failure or created some scandal, but still has too much cachet to just sack, is punted to a “position” where their job is basically to stare out the window until they retire or die.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        That’s interesting, thanks for sharing that. My last job was like that, although it was a newly-created job, but I never had anything to do for 6 years so I couldn’t figure out why they created the job in the first place. I kept asking boss for something to do, and he never responded. I will tell you honestly that doing nothing for 6 years is pure torture. I was forced to bring personal work from home just to keep busy, which is something I never did before.

    • Oblios_Cap

      I could really dig that sort of job. Where do I apply?

      • Angela Ruzzo

        No, you wouldn’t. I did that for 6 years. It’s torture. Might be OK if you had a recliner and could take a nap, or if you were addicted to video games, but otherwise it’s incredibly boring.

        • Rags

          I’m overqualified.

        • Oblios_Cap

          I could comment on Wonkette! And telecommute.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I only got to telecommute a few times, when we had heavy snowfalls and nobody could get to the office. It was nice. I didn’t even have to get dressed.

    • therblig

      for years, we’ve talked about setting up an office for all the political hires to keep them out of the way and calling it the Bureau of Underutilized Men.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        We will know that we have achieved total gender equality when we can rename that office the Bureau of Underutilized People.

        • Old town Urbandale

          But we’ll always regret losing the appropriate BUM acronym.

    • Rags

      And NY Public Schools ‘rubber rooms.’
      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reassignment_centers

  • Il Papa just got another grumpy face in The Vatican.

    Between the Mrs. Newt Gingrich and now Brownback, Il Papa is looking forward to a booked schedule when they come knocking.

    • therblig

      Tommy Chong: Pope’s not here, man

  • Crystalclear12

    Kansas would like to know how quickly he can vacate his old office.
    Tomorrow?

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Unfortunately for the next governor, Kansas cannot, at this time, afford to scrape Brownback’s name off the office door.

    • FlownΩver

      If he needs a ride I have a rail we could use. Tar and feathers available for a modest charge.

    • Old town Urbandale

      Since our state was likewise cleansed of an asshole Republican governor thanks to an ambassadorship position, we Hawkeyes will be happy to help our cousin Jayhawkers in the transition. Here in Iowa we spent $150,000 to move the Lt. Gov from her office down the hall to the big office. Close down another school and it’s paid for!

      • Crystalclear12

        Don’t encourage them.

  • Oblios_Cap

    He said that the group is the “best” he’s “ever taught” because the officials “are so teachable; they’re so noble; they’re so learned.”

    I think he’s confusing “learned” with “gullible”.

    http://www.rawstory.com/201

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    It’s about time. True fact: I have never been wished a Merry Christmas in any other country, even in December.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      That’s because Jesus only died so Americans could have freedoms, you Godless heathen!!!!!1!

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Brownback promises to fight for religions worldwide.

  • Elvis Causticfellow

    I guess I don’t totally disagree with his tweet, since the right not to bow the knee of fealty to any fairytale about invisible superheroes from outer space, even if it’s officially the state religion, is pretty important.

  • Beanz&Berryz

    “some tough theological questions for him”: How many angels can dance on the head of a dick, like Brownback…

    • Swampgas_Man

      Or a pinhead, also like Brownback.

  • Yr. Gma

    I’m hoping he starts a good old-fashioned inter-christian battle between Catholics and Protestants. (The Protestant movement was, after all, a “protest” against Catholic doctrine. See Martin Luther.) The animus was still strong when I was a kid, and I miss the old days of demonizing those Papists and the horror of a Catholic president. When all the “Christians” were busy fighting each other, they didn’t have much time to fight heathens.

    • May it Be So. Right Baptists? Those Missouri Synod-types might as well be Devil-worshipers, AMIRITE?

    • JMP

      Pft, those Protestant heretics thinking they’re real Christians; that still won’t keep them out of hell for disobeying the Jesus’ anointed representative on Earth!

    • h4rr4r

      Heathens, you mean like protestants?
      The kind that think the bible is literal? That think anyone without even a modicum of education can understand the bible even though it makes innumerable references to culture and history?

      • JMP

        As someone who was raised Catholic, I was shocked when as a young adult, thanks to the early internet, I found out there were still actual creationists out there, people who think that the Adam and Eve and Noah stories actually happened. Everyone knows those parts of the Bible weren’t meant literally; plus they’re so impossible you’d have to be the biggest moron in the world to actually believe those things happened!

        • xD Oh, to have been raised Catholic rather than Southern Baptist.

          • As someone else who was raised Catholic, even given the historical horrors of the Church hierarchy which even Pope Frank the Cool can’t make up for, they’ve spent 800 years starting with Thomas Aquinas to make Christianity make logical sense, in light of first Greek philosophy then later science. As James Joyce rightly said, if you’re going to believe in an absurdity it’s better to believe a logical one.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            Sorry for that. *pats back consolingly.*

    • georgiaburning

      The Orthodox Christians are sitting back and smirking. I think it’s a smirk, maybe it’s a side effect of all that incense.

  • Mavenmaven

    Isn’t Jared in charge of all the foreigner stuff? Why do we need anyone else?

    • Oblios_Cap

      He’s much too Judeo for the Christian-judeo types.

    • h4rr4r

      That was yesterday. It’s urgent that we get someone who can play head games, not get double vision, be cold as ice, and preferably a dirty white boy.

  • Vincent Ricola

    The name “Brownback” will always make me laugh in immature glee. Oh and fuck this guy.

  • Seamus Romney

    Freedom from religion is the first freedom asshole.

  • Manhattan123

    If he does as stellar a job at this as he did in Kansas, religious freedom should be a distant memory in about two years.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Does this mean all the Ayrabs and Joos will have to move to Nebraska?

      • therblig

        aryabs to Mooslisouri, joos to Hebraska

  • Zonath

    So since this is a position in the State Department with the Office of International Religious Freedom, does Sam’s boss get to tell Sam to eat all the dicks when Sam starts complaining about how it isn’t fair that people in the US don’t get to discriminate against gays just because they think that the Bibble tells them to?

    And a follow-up question: Can we get a picture of Sam’s tearful face at that exact moment?

  • exinkwretch

    Gov. Skidmark is going to apply his Laffer Curve economic theories to religion. Like taxes, if you cut hope to zero, the growth in prayer is going to be *enormous.*

  • therblig

    i wouldn’t trust him with a dover sole.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    Why do we need an ambassador to South Korea? Is Jared busy?

    • CountryClubJihadi

      We need somebody over there to help start the Trump Dog Meat Steaks company.

  • JMP

    Of course the Trump administration cares about religious freedom; that is the authoritarian right’s redefinition of “religious freedom” to mean the “right” of fundamentalist Christians to oppress non-Christians and even Christians who are insufficiently conservative the world over.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    In related news, I’ve applied for the ambassadorship of Making America Great Again. Or Making America Guzzle Alcohol. Either way, wish me luck.

    • Good Luck and Dogspeed.

    • jesterpunk

      Can you put in a good word for me? I want to be the Ambassador for Making America Groan Again. My plan is to just play Trump clips 24×7 with a laugh track and maybe Yackety Sax as the background music.

    • CindyinEncinitas

      You’ve totally got this. Remember, take off one accessory before you leave the house. You’re going to crush it.

      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        I dunno, the tiara sort of pulls the whole ensemble together, though.

        • CindyinEncinitas

          Well, not the tiara obviously!

  • Carpe Vagenda

    Freedom of speech is the first freedom, followed by freedom of worship (not religion), which means that you’re free to talk to your own god and not that you’re allowed to force everyone else to pay for the conversation or join in. It’s a Franklin Roosevelt thing. Naughty wingnut.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    Maybe Brownback can do for religion what he did for Kansas. Destroy it.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      Anyone with God and Donald Trump on his side is fucked from the start.

      • toughsister

        I’m not worried about god. He doesn’t exist. Sadly, Trump does.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Dear Auntie Em,

      Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog.

      Dorothy

    • toughsister

      One can only hope…

  • elviouslyqueer

    Funtime discussion about this on NPR this morning. An ACTUAL DIPLOMAT said that these little ambassadorship positions are basically just bullshit time wasters that don’t do anything but “gum up the works” for folks who actually, y’know, do diplomatic shit.

    I’m paraphrasing, of course, but only just.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      A nice little sinecure to keep him on the government dime and out of the way.

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        Wingnut welfare in spades.

      • elviouslyqueer

        Draining that swamp something something something something.

      • georgiaburning

        He is also now to be addressed as “Ambassador Brownbeck”, and can charge more for speeches.

        • “And here he is Folks, the Man who puts the ‘Ass’ in ‘Ambassador, Sam “Do You Smell That?” Brownbeck!”

          • georgiaburning

            “…be sure to stiff the waitresses.”

  • The Wanderer

    Well, isn’t that special? The overpowering insignificance of Brokeback’s appointment leaves me speechless.

  • Randy Riddle

    So, basically, his job is to organize parachute drops of Chick tracts on ISIS and North Korea? https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/17c6d3119cb10a483770d55ca80f34c470755e336090fcb98e14425b6ab5e077.gif

    • jesterpunk

      Do they also drop Dennis Rodman into North Korea?

      • CindyinEncinitas

        And Victoria Jackson? Please?

        • Covfefe

          Why not go all the way? Donald?

        • jesterpunk

          Don’t forget Jill Stein and Susan Sarandon.

    • CountryClubJihadi

      That shit was really traumatic when I read it in third grade. It just might work!

  • Sean McLaren

    Good god, this is a cowardly piece of shit move even by 2017 Republican standards, which is really fucking saying something.

  • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

    Holy Made-up-Sounding-Ambassadorships, Batman! There should be an Ambassador for the Promotion of Cornhole and IPA, just to even things out.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      That is sort of the mandatory entertainment in DIY brewpubs these days, ain’t it?

      • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

        I used to play darts. Seems it’s harder to take someone’s eye out with a beanbag.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          I mostly snark on the hipsters for fun…safe enough unless you get a whole hive of them riled up.

  • toughsister

    It’s a chickenshit appointment to a chickenshit job. Brownback is perfect for it.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Sam Browneye’: Fulfilling his place in the American Dream. He’s finally found a position worthy of his incompetence.
    “Hello God….It’s me, Sam. Hello! Hello? Helloooooooooooooooo’…..”

    http://dailypicdump.com/media/20131025/funny-astronaut-space-debris-wifi-blog-browser-history-pumpkin-season.gif

  • “Religious freedom is the first freedom.”

    Ah, that’s why the NRA has made a religion out of guns.

    • jesterpunk

      WWJS (What would Jesus Shoot)?

      • Bobathonic

        AOTK

  • beatbort

    Here’s your first assignment, Brownback. We’re going to drop you by parachute into the main compound of ISIS leadership. You will convert them to Christianity and then report back here when the mission is accomplished. Until that time, I don’t want to see hide nor hair of you.
    God Bless America

  • MynameisBlarney

    I refuse to live in a motherfucking theocracy.

    • Damned right. I’m with you Blarney.

    • BadKitty904

      Psst. “British. Columbia.”

      • Creepoman

        New and improved – now even better than the South American Columbia.

        • BadKitty904

          More killer-whales, fewer tarantulas!

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    Trump is filling the office of international religious freedom with the only thing he knows about religion. Those little crackers.

    • Anna Rompage

      Excuse me, excuse me, could I get some of those little crackers from my clam chowder?

      • Old town Urbandale

        Made with canned clams?

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    “Oh, for fuck’s sake. Again.”

    – God

  • Anna Rompage

    Yep, Sam is going to be fighting for the freedom and rights of all the major religions of the world, Catholics, baptists, and the Pentecostals…

    • Latverian Diplomat

      He will also look out for as many as Two Corinthians.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    I’m pretty sure that Brownback will also be willing to fight for the rights of Mammon worshippers around the world…if only he can find some that are oppressed, as opposed to doing some oppressing themselves.

  • Covfefe

    It Is interesting that with the persecution of Christians in America, Donald thinks we should preach to other countries without Christian Soldering right here at home.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      It’ll go weld.

  • Doug Langley

    Saaay, you know who else checked out after destroying a state?

  • rocktonsam

    First stop merikkka to stop that muslin thing.

    • BadKitty904

      Then to Iran to promote that muslin thing. Right?

    • MynameisBlarney

      The 1st thing should be to stop Satin Worship.

      • Maggielle

        Which is worsted?

      • PubOption

        Twill be easy.

        • MynameisBlarney

          We’ll seer sucker.

    • Zyxomma

      What’s his denomination, Southern Batiste?

  • BadKitty904

    “Smaller government,” eh?

  • WeaselPoo

    It seems in actual practice ‘religious freedom’ means one religion has the freedom to at least limit the amount of freedoms of adherents to another or any and all other religions, by influence or significant control over the political personnel and/or machinery of The State.
    “Religious oppression” appears to be more like economic and political oppression, made easier by religious identification.

  • Ilgattomorte

    Thank God we will finally have a religious freedom ambassador, because up till now I’ve been paying for it and, let me tell you religion isn’t cheap!

    I mean, what with all of the collection plates, donations, tithing, orphan funds, gay conversion programs, 3rd world outreach, Christian college funds, abstinence charities, right to life funds and televangelists, religion has been costing me a fortune. It’s about time this government did something about making religion free again.

    I’ll tell you, up till now I’ve been thinking about becoming an Atheist just to save a few bucks. It was either that or maybe I’d have to give up on getting a new iPhone, or a refrigerator, or something. My Congressman told me you can save a fortune by not buying that kind of shit.

  • Ricky Gay

    He’ll put the ass in ambassador, I’ll tell you what!

  • Daniel Hooper

    Trump must have seen that Brownback was just as successful at governing as Trump was with his casinos; that’s why he got the job.
    Seriously, given Brownback’s lack of success, Christians should be upset by this as well. He’ll probably end up converting people to the ways of the Jedi on accident.

  • OneYieldRegular

    “But of course I’ll protect people of other faiths, as long as they accept Jesus Christ as their savior.”

  • MynameisBlarney
  • Bill D. Burger

    “Dorothy…..Dorothy Gale! It’s getting a little better. He’s gone….just like the wicked ol’ witch___ but not ded’, just not here.”

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/fcc13ac3d513c96a08dcfb2aa7414780dfb27e484cb9712400abe55cba706d98.jpg

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Headlines from a future that will never occur: “Ambassador Brownback criticises Saudi Arabia over treatment of the Shia minority.”

  • BadKitty904

    I’m sorry, but that tie is obviously Satanic.

    • Also too, it’s damned near Lovecraftian.

      • BadKitty904

        “Eldritch horror” certainly springs to mind.

        • “This is Agent KELLY, the opera is on, that tie is a sure sign.”

          “Save the last bullet for yourself, and Good Hunting, Cell K. Out.”

          • BadKitty904

            All hail Him Who Dreams but Never Sleeps!

  • “Good morning, and thank you for calling the Religious Freedom Ambassador’s hotline. Press 1 if you are Christian. Press 2 for Other.

    You have pressed two. Are you sure?

    You have pressed two again. I’m sorry, but your religious freedom is not being infringed upon. You probably have too much religious freedom. If you’d like to change your answer to the previous question, press 1 now. Otherwise, hang up.

    You have pressed one. If your religious freedom is being infringed upon by violent religious extremists who are trying to kill you, press 1. If your religious freedom is being viciously attacked by people on the internet making snide comments about you and the fact that gay people exist, press 2. For all other reasons press 3.

    You have pressed one. Congratulations. You are being persecuted for your faith. But are you sure you’re not being persecuted by secret gay religious fundamentalists? How do you know? Have you seen your persecutors date? If you would like to apply for refugee status, press 1. If you would like to go to a desert camp and live on minimal food and water provided by the UN with no prospects of escaping the dystopian hell scape, press 2.

    You have pressed 1. If you are white, press 1. If you are brown, press 2.

    You have pressed 2, indicating that you would like to go to live in a desert camp and live on minimal food and water resources without the prospect of escaping your dystopian nightmare. Good luck with that and goodbye.

    • TheGrandWazoo2

      I got a poll call yesterday.

      Are you registered to vote in Ohio?
      Press 1 for yes.
      Press 2 for no.

      There was no Press 3 for Fuck no, I live in Colorado.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        Fucking area codes, how do they work?

        • shastakoala

          News flash! As of August the State of Idaho has two, count um two, area codes.

          • Latverian Diplomat

            Did they do the overlay thing. (i.e., did they piss off everyone, or just half the state)?

          • shastakoala

            Everyone gets to keep their same area code for existing numbers. But all new numbers or change of phone numbers will be given the new area code.

          • Latverian Diplomat

            Yeah that’s an overlay, so now everyone has to use ten digit dialing, or will soon, I think.

  • kareemachan

    And this coming from the guy who created the term “to brownbacki”.

    • Zyxomma

      Sounds dirty. Tell me more.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Religious freedom is the first freedom?!? The ammosexuals aren’t gonna like that.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      In my book they’re ALL #2.

  • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

    This is horrifying, and is so clearly code for “forced-birther” and probably also “anti-semitism.” You know who else kind of liked those two things?

    • Rick Hill

      Pee Wee Herman?

      • Jeff Ackerman

        Pee Wee Herman isn’t anti-semen. Oh…

    • Archie Bunker?

    • MynameisBlarney

      The Puritans?

    • Bobathonic

      Walt Disney?

    • dshwa

      David Koresh?

    • shastakoala

      Puppy mills?

  • Bill D. Burger

    The Fundies of Kanasa discovered that it was when Browneye’ let a satanic influence into his office that he and Kanasa were doomed. Here he is with a Zombie….AKA: The Kansas taxpayer.

    http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-g6Y60HSJNbw/VhvtFyAw-jI/AAAAAAABNPU/j_14eFo-eBw/s1600/brownback_zombie-2000.jpg

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Not sure if this bit of idiocy has surfaced on Wonkette yet, but on top of all his other lunatic qualifications, the Mooch is a creationist nutbag:
    Trump’s New White House Communications Director Believes The Earth Is 5,500 Years Old

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Riiiight. Because that is what Roman Catholics believe.

    • MynameisBlarney
    • Latverian Diplomat

      He used the phrase “human history”, whether that’s the classic dodge used by many young earthers when pressed, or whether he really just meant recorded human history seems unclear.

      In other words, as a communications professional, he failed to clearly articulate his point.

      • armed_bears

        No… he’s on record with the 6000 year thing.

        • Latverian Diplomat

          That may be true elsewhere, but here’s what the article linked above says:

          “You’re saying the scientific community knows, and I’m saying people have gotten things wrong throughout the 5,500-year history of our planet,” said Scaramucci in the interview.

          Scaramucci goes on to say that human history is 5,500 years old. It’s unclear whether he believes both or only the latter. However, written history dates back to over 5,500 years while human artifacts date back well over 10,000 years.

          • Msgr_MΩment

            I’ma bet that a LOT more than 97% of all scientists are on board with this, but then I know a few fundy scientists, so….

      • miss_grundy

        Moochie could clearly articulate directions to the men’s room if he tried.

    • armed_bears

      If all the physical processes of the earth were accomplished in 6000 years, here’s a way to eliminate the need for church bake sales: Let the government pay you to store nuclear waste in your sacristy… Should be safe to the touch in 45 minutes or so.

      • I like when the Shits claim the Speed of Light was different until 6000 years ago.

        Or when the Shits use computers and the Internet to tell me that physics isn’t real.

        • armed_bears

          The only temporal distortion that ever occurs within a standard reference frame is the one between the Snooze button and the next alarm.

          • xD

            I think my socks practice Quantum uncertainly just as I go to match pairs and put them away.

          • armed_bears

            It’s that collapsing waveform… You gotta do it with your eyes closed. ( Insert “That’s what she said…” )

          • xD

  • Bill D. Burger

    He’s gonna’ find the Republican TEAliban Fundies are a tough crowd.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2173881859ac613b427511bbd8b3e0c9f1718a5e110a5dfa816098f4cf2c8827.jpg

    • armed_bears

      Hah! Indiana shout-out from former North Manchester resident. Bigotry, thy name rhymes with Hoosier.

    • Ωbjectifier

      Blessed are the cheesemakers.

      • armed_bears

        No, that’s Wisconsin.

      • Bill D. Burger

        Blessed are the Greeks.

  • Rick Hill

    My first glance I thought it was about Sam Shepard, for some reason. Anyway, RIP to Mr Shepard, on account of his passing away

  • Bill D. Burger
  • TJ Barke

    Persecution is not being allowed to persecute others!

  • Parakeetist

    I can’t wait until we get a Satanist for president and this guy has to speak at the opening of the temple.

    • MynameisBlarney

      I’d settle for an agnostic or atheist.

    • “And Be it harm None, do as Thou Will Shall be the Whole of the Law.”

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Manders

    “Oh thank goodness. I’m getting out before they ride me out on a rail. -SDB”

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    And brave Sir Brownback ran away…

  • Reximus
    • Perkniticky

      That is great…. but why it Putin a centaur?

    • Zyxomma

      I liked the end.

  • MynameisBlarney
  • Bill D. Burger

    It’s obviously such a ‘kinder and gentler’ and oh-so-holy administration, huh? Such piety and humility has rarely………..bwwwwwahahaahaaaaaaaaaaa….Oh, couldn’t finish that.

    https://twitter.com/RawStory/status/892068752996663296

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Ambassador at Large for International Christian Freedom

    I wonder if they’ll bother to re-title the job.

  • Ωbjectifier

    Is that a clown tie?

  • MynameisBlarney
  • Nope. Our 1st Ad Freedom is to say your Religion is bunch of money-eating bullshit with a side of childrape.

  • miss_grundy

    Another non-church going Rethuglian is going to push his version of religious freedom. What could possibly go wrong?

  • Bill D. Burger
  • OrdinaryJoe

    Oh Jesus fucking Christ on the cross. These a-holes never stop.

  • Ωbjectifier

    Everyone is trying to get to the bar.
    The name of the bar, the bar is called Heaven.
    The band in Heaven plays my favorite song.
    They play it once again, they play it all night long.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    If religion was ‘free’ none of these fuckers would be the least bit interested.

  • shastakoala

    Introducing the new Pope of the Americas.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Bill D. Burger

    Not a party until Pat “WhyYesI’mBatshitcrazyWhyDoYouAsk” Robertson weighs in.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DF_oCHvV0AAYyLc.jpg

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      Sadly, that is about the limit of his volcabulary.

  • Speaking of Yeshua, as a Jew myself (not by choice…these things are foisted on you when you are too young to resist) I feel most for poor Joseph.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/5d976a131e81fc73c06a7edb7ab69b03dd426e93d7d645041b94f4849be1b1e9.jpg

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Bill D. Burger
    • BadKitty904

      They forgot the Russian prostitutes and the…”fetish”.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      Don’t forget humility. Trump is the most humble of men. And a big believer in forgiveness, also.

      • bookish

        Bigly humility. The biggest, the best humility.

    • ConnieHinesDorothyProvine

      maybe it was the rampant cursing

  • Willem Oosterhof

    Ner thought Muslims would have an ally in Brownback.

    Or didn’t I understand that tweet?

  • Bill D. Burger

    Trump’s message to the world will be spread by Sam Brownback.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DGEzrdjVwAA7cIu.jpg

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    So, Brownback needed an exit strategy after fucking Kansas up beyond recognition. That much I think we can all agree on. What was the part where Dolt gave a shit?

    • Bill D. Burger

      Yup! Browneye’ was “The Pence of the Prairie”!

  • The Librarian

    Mr. Colyer doesn’t sound like a great replacement for Brownback. NYT article says he’s in lock step with Blow-me-back on most issues:

    https://www.google.com/amp/s/mobile.nytimes.com/2017/07/27/us/kansas-sam-brownback-jeff-colyer-governor.amp.html

    • Mehmeisterjr

      In that case, I hope he has even more luck in cleaning up Brownback’s mess and his own mess.

      His Hoover to his Coolidge and Harding?

  • Elendira

    Kansan here. Don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out, Brownback.

    and don’t come back

    • BillEGoatSmirk

      Geez. You poor bastards have Brownback AND Kobach. For your sake, I hope the Lt. Governor is even marginally sane.

  • puredog

    I thought the post was one for the “Ambassador of Great-Againness”?

  • OutOfOrbit

    how can any person worship a…a [thing] as cruel to its followers as that crap described in the old testesment?

    • Bill D. Burger

      Jesus ~knocking at your door~: “Please let ME in.”

      Occupant: “Why?”

      Jesus: “So I can save you.”

      Occupant: “Save me from what?”

      Jesus: “From what I’m fucking going to do to you if you don’t let ME in!”

      • OutOfOrbit

        that is purdy much it in a nut shell

    • TJ Barke

      Fear?

      • OutOfOrbit

        that would explain why the right clings to the bible — the liberl mind donut scare so eary but conservatives is askeerd of evrything

  • Bill D. Burger

    Well, religion in Murricca’ IS sooo’ Republican. It all makes perfect sense, if by sense I mean crazy, which I do.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DF9FajQVwAA8HqV.jpg

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Khavrinen

      Christianity is a business?

      Man, I totally misunderstood that passage about the moneylenders in the temple…

      • Msgr_MΩment

        “Lo, i sayeth unto you, shekels are for closers.”

    • phoenix00

      At least Bowers admits it has never been about the message of Christ.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        You do know that Betty is openly mocking the RWNJ community, right?

        • phoenix00

          Was it snark? My meter’s busted along with a few other things…

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
  • SadDemInTex

    I hope he *deleted expletives* and then is *against non-commenting rules*.

  • BillEGoatSmirk

    OT – The Mooch is out! NYT reporting that the Chooch is Loose, per the ‘request’ of John Kelly…

    • Dick St. Dipshit

      Back to ripping off rich fools with bad investment advice.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Mooch, we hardly knew ye.

      Let’s keep it that way, asshat.

    • Zyxomma

      He wants to scoot over to the Export-Import Bank.

    • Zyxomma
  • Lyly Sirivong

    Eh ? International religious freedom ? Who gave you the authority ?

    • Jonny On Maui

      Gave? They just took it. Doing gods work authorizes anything.

      • willi0000000

        yeah, i’ve been waiting* for that priest to get back to me on the logic behind authorizing the children’s crusades.

        * for over 50 years now

    • The Flaming Carrot

      Next stop: Uganda.

  • Crystalclear12

    Wonder when the crusades start?

    • Jonny On Maui

      They haven’t ended…

  • Jonny On Maui

    An ambassador for the promotion of superstition. Just what we need.

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      It does fit their overall pattern.

  • P’jama Pahnts

    I totally get it. It’s the ministry of magic!

  • Msgr_MΩment

    The choice to do what you want with your own soul?! Why don’t you go fuck your own soul? Right up the soul hole!

    • Khavrinen

      The choice to do what you want with your own soul…

      … as long as it happens to be the choice we want you to make.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Abort?

  • Khavrinen

    “Lt. Gov. Jeff Colyer, who’ll get to clean up the mess Brownback made.”

    Would his middle name happen to be Hercules? ‘Cause for some reason this reminded me of the Augean stables.

    • willi0000000

      Oh. Shit.

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        ISWYDT

  • P’jama Pahnts

    The choice of what you do with your own soul

    If only these people would actually stick to their own souls and leave the rest of us alone

    • Buzz1313

      Exactly! They’d better hope and pray the Bible is a work of fiction because based on the shit these so called Christians have pulled will land them in hell.

    • phoenix00

      Assuming evidence of at least one “soul” exists.

  • motmelere

    So he gets to travel on taxpayer dime & talk about his invisible friend. These guys are supposed to be deficit hawks, right?

    • Silly. Fiscal responsibility is for not republicans so republicans can affird the stuff they want

      • motmelere

        My governor just promised three fricking Billion Dollars to an Asian iPhone company that has a corporate policy regarding mass worker suicide.

  • Bebecca

    ambassador at large for international religious freedom and of course we all know it really means ambassador at large for international Christian dominance

  • Hanaka

    Colyer is the same kind of Jesus, Inc. (for Jesus, for profit) Republican as Brownback so KS is in no better shape, but I’m still smiling as I wave goodbye to the days of Brownbackistan.

    • The Flaming Carrot

      He’s Jesus, Inc. with boobs. Even better.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Bigly Ambassdor at Large or gtfh

  • Blackest Noobs

    why oh why in the world would you reward one of the worst fucking governors?

    LIKE WHY? wasn’t fucking Kansas up enough?

    • Kansas preferred him. They got what they deserved.

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      It’s a republican tradition like when Bush (Daddy) pulled failed Florida Gov Bob Martinez, to be Drug Czar. He was famous here for his campaign against the group that did the song “Me So Horny”. Look up Two-Live Crew’s song Fuck Martinez, for their reply.

  • Heather

    This feels like sort of the opposite bizarro world version of when Obama picked Kathleen Sebelius for HHS Secretary. I was very unhappy to see her go because I knew we’d get some total wingnut to replace her (and did we ever). Now I’m happy as hell to get Brownback out of here, although I hate to see what kind of religious nutbaggery he’s about to unleash on the world. Still. Good riddance. Hopefully he’ll last as long as many other members of the Trump admin.

  • Me not sure

    Dear Gov. Brownback,

    I hope you make your first stop to preach about religious freedom in Saudi Arabia.
    Report back to us when they let you out of jail.

    Your’s in solidarity with the Lord,
    Me not sure
    P.S. Try not to squint so, much it makes your face look pinched.

    • mfp, all 6s&7s&9s

      like mike pinch?

  • ConnieHinesDorothyProvine

    As Jon Stewart noted, Brownback meshes perfectly with the Google definition of Santorum.

  • azeyote

    well every other agency is run by it’s polar opposite so what else is new

  • Rickyphoo

    Brownback spelled SOB wrong.

  • Rickyphoo

    I will be so glad when this insane nightmare is over.

    • mfp, all 6s&7s&9s

      it will only be over when the wake-up call is finally heard…and even then, there will be much lingering after-efx and possible psychological damage

  • Bill Diaz

    ‘Though I am a committed Christian, I believe that everyone has the right to their own religion, be you Hindu, Jew or Muslim. I believe there are infinite paths to accepting Jesus Christ as your personal savior.’

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ZnuYKKtpxg

    At one point, this was satire and funny. Now ‘Idiocracy’ has been revealed to have been a prophetic documentary and our national nightmare.

    Have a great day!

  • Send him to Yemen. Need to spread some Jesus there.

    • MuttsRule

      I was thinking Uganda. He could take Mike Bickle and the Westboro Baptists with him.

  • ChupacabraAzul

    Under Gov. Colyer, Kansas will NOT tolerate nipples that point downwards. http://www.renaissanceplasticsurgicalarts.com/breast.htm

  • Komsumverweigerer Ron

    I take some solace in knowing that even Sam Brownback can’t do that much damage in this phony-baloney job. I hope.

  • willi0000000

    i didn’t know we had an ambassador representing people with invisible friends not named Harvey.

    [ he’s a pooka, you know ]

    • Petunia Cat

      I did know that! 🐇

  • Incoming Ham

    The utterly transparent fundamentalist christianist ass kissing is getting old. I suppose the christianists don’t care if the administration means it as long as they get their way.

  • Petunia Cat

    I call dibs on Ambassador for Stuffed Toy Zebras. 😯Or “Prison Ponies” as the CorrectNames Twitter account says. My first act? Banning the derogatory term “Prison Ponies”. 😠 #NoneOfThisIsBusyWork

  • mfp, all 6s&7s&9s

    khaa-ryst…when are humans gonna stop fantasising and fetishising such stupid and destructively delusional concepts as ‘the soul’…jaaayzuuss…all the proof one needs of the non-existence of such bullshit is to have surgery and be under anesthesia just once…are you ‘experiencing your soul’ or anything else, even tho you’re actually still alive?….hell no–you’re just not there anymore…same thing when you’re dead…

    have a nice day!….mfp, president of the optimists club

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