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Morning Wonketariat! Here’s some of the things we may be talking about today.

Republicans have only themselves to blame for the collapse of TrumpCare after spending the better part of a decade jerking each other off.

Congressional Democrats are trying to pivot towards ACA improvements now that it SEEMS like Trumpcare is dead, with the hope that a proactive approach can keep insurance markets from cratering.

John Kelly’s left his mark at DHS by deporting all the scary Mexicans; god only knows what kind of awful garbage he’ll enable now.

Immigrants seeking asylum are being deported in staggering numbers as immigration courts are simply booting people instead.

Paul Ryan’s tax reform wet dream is likely to kill off some really popular tax breaks for people who aren’t large pharmaceutical corporations, banks, or corporations with deep pockets.

SURPRISE, a new conservative PAC is lobbying for tax reform, and it just so happens to live in Paul Ryan’s closet with the exercise equipment.

There’s a serious debate about changing the EPA museum so it’s more focused on fellateing smokestacks than hugging trees.

Corey Lewandowski crawled out of his petri dish to paint a target on the Consumer Financial Protection Board without actually offering any reasons other than general butthurt.

After North Korea launched another ICBM, the US military essentially spent the weekend in an expensive pissing contest in an attempt to warn the North Korean regime that it better not nuke anybody. That’ll show’em.

Dana Boente will head the Justice Department probe for leaks that is undoubtedly going to end at the White House.

Mick Mulvaney embarrassed himself (again) on Sunday when he went on CNN to say Trump’s White House doesn’t want the Senate to vote on anything else until it kills the ACA.

Mean, old lady, Nancy Pelosi went on teevee to talk about politics like an adult, only to have a bunch of babies and hacks focused on five words.

People are lining up to take a dump on Reince Priebus, including Michael Steele, who says, “Karma’s a bitch.”

Jeff Sessions really hurt Donald Trump’s feelings when he recused himself from Trump-Russia, and he’s spent the past several months trying to remain the quiet, dodgy, old racist he used to be.

Republican leaders are becoming nervous that they might not actually do anything while they control the House, Senate and White House, so they’re just blaming everything on Trump.

Montana rage monster and freshman congressman Greg Gianforte will do his community service with a nonprofit that builds wheelchairs for children, in order to satisfy the demands of a court that found him guilty of punching a fucking reporter.

Russia is expelling 755 US diplomatic staffers now that Pooty can just pick up the Red Phone and call Trump whenever he needs something.

A Philippines mayor accused by Rodrigo Duterte of selling drugs was killed, along with his wife and 10 others, by police serving a warrant. Coincidentally, the mayor had been a vocal critic of Duterte. Remember when Trump thought he was a great guy? Haha, he still does.)

Somebody raided the Internet’s magical trash heap to find crazy people freaking out about next month’s solar eclipse and what that means for all the DC drama.

Saudi Arabia is fucking pissed about Qatar’s push to “internationalize” the hajj, the super-holy pilgrimage for Muslims, and is calling it a declaration of war. Ya’ll…come the fuck on.

Venezuelan President Nicolás Maduro is claiming victory in elections for delegates to rewrite their constitution, which is a logical statement considering more than half the country refused to vote, and the the heads of state agencies were intimidating their employees. It may not have been a free or fair election, but Maduro’s party definitely won.

A Florida man is divorcing his wife over her incessant Trump selfies. Good move.

Princess Ivanka isn’t doing good these days now that there’s all these other people whispering into her daddy’s ear.

Barack Obama’s pet project on gerrymandering is raking in the Ameros from some big donors. GO, BAMZ, GO!

Precious ‘Merican stepford child Tomi Lahren talked with Chelsea Handler and admitted that she’s really glad that her parents pay for her health insurance, and other assorted hypocritical nonsense.

Let’s all watch Chris Christie insult drunk people at a baseball game! He’s certainly a big shot!

And here’s your late night wrap-up! Stephen Colbert found a kid who can write letters like Pickel, John Oliver ‘splainered Alex Jones conspiracy bullshit; and Chelsea Handler put on a lab coat and science’d Trump’s stupidity.

And here’s your morning Nice Time! Squeaky coati adventures!

Give us money! We’re only spending it on coffee, and cigarettes, and booze, and baby stuff. Super swear! 

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  • dslindc
    • bupkus231

      Nah – only Republicans can’t get over ’em – and they’re already inside.

      Deport ’em first.

  • Nounverb911
  • Nounverb911
  • House0fTheBlueLights

    There’s a serious debate about changing the EPA museum so it’s more focused on fellateing smokestacks than hugging trees.

    They could use Chicago’s Museum of Science and Industry as a model. It bills itself as a science museum but in fact is full of exhibits fully funded by the industries they cover. For instance, the nuclear power exhibit back in the day (I haven’t been there for years, since my kids grew up) had ZERO about military uses and ZERO about nuclear waste. And every exhibit was like that.

    • Nounverb911
      • FlemmishSpy

        Make sure garage door is closed.

    • I was there in July ’86. It was like a military museum. I went aboard U-505, saw a Nazi Stuka airplane, and I think they had screen-used Star Trek uniforms.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        The Star Trek uniforms are pretty cool, and there’s lots of great exhibits (antique cars and a Nickelodeon and the Fairy Castle to name a few). But the industry-fellating coal, agriculture, nuclear, airline, etc. exhibits don’t make up for it.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Yeah, but they also have this, which was the subject of many childhood dreams. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/202dc2c6e57588aa7dc8ccfba0164b79108b0d35cefe71fbc3882daa52b27304.jpg

      • Oh my god Colleen Moore’s castle! I forgot about that.

        That and the Thorne rooms fascinated me as a kid.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        Yeah that and the 1910 streetscape were pretty much the reason I went, plus you could park right in front, plus it was free. Now they’ve got this whole tourist trap entryway, and they make you pay to park AND to enter. (Public trans from the far North Side to Hyde Park is a nightmare so you pretty much have to drive).

        • Gayer Than Thou

          Also too, I was unprepared for the sliced gorilla in the stairwell.

          • House0fTheBlueLights

            You are breaking my heart. Until this moment I always thought that was a person! Tell me that was a person and not a gorilla. I LOVED that display. (Also the foetuses. Oh man, now thinking back despite the industry bias that museum really is kinda the shit.)

    • OOh, it’s weird. They have an environment exhibit, and TBH I can’t recall anything on climate change. That whole place is a trip.

  • Nounverb911
  • dslindc
  • Michael R

    Looks like comedy ….. isn’t (?)

    https://youtu.be/i9qv8RSreIM

  • Oblios_Cap

    Saudi Arabia is fucking pissed about Qatar’s push to “internationalize” the hajj, the super-holy pilgrimage for Muslims, and is calling it a declaration of war.

    Given the Saudi military’s track record in Yemen, I’m sure Qatar is shaking in their collective boots.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      We invaded the wrong middle eastern country in 2003.

    • PubOption

      Scotland suggests tossing the kaaba.

  • La forza del resistino

    With every repeal and replace bill, the DC ASPCA should look into any mysterious horse deaths needed for the beating ritual.

  • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist
    • chortlingdingo

      Yum, definitely. I’m having cold brew this morning.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    As the poster child for the dangers of stadium food, it is very disturbing to learn that Chris Christie is still legally allowed to purchase and eat nachos at a baseball game. Will no one think of the children?

    • Chris Christie is a walking, talking science fair – he consumes solids and turns them into Gasses.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Let’s all watch Chris Christie insult drunk people at a baseball game! He’s certainly a big shot!

    At least he didn’t drop his nachos. Presidential!

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      I suspect there will be a big plate of greasy ballpark nachos in his casket at the end, to take with him into the next life.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    I thought Christie got his stomach stapled. Maybe they missed and worked on some other organ.
    Colon?
    Heart?
    Brain?
    Pants?

    • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

      He’s so full of shit, gotta be the colon.

    • PubOption

      Too much comfort food after being dissed by Trump?

  • Nounverb911
    • BadKitty904

      Putin? Greed? Their corporate owners?

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        The RNC platform has in it, no shit, a plank calling for the end of critical thinking in the schools. I know that they don’t teach the subject at “Christian” schools. The latest round of congress critters from the Tea Party, elected in 2010 are the product of this lack of process. The older ones who cynically pushed for this idiocy are reaping the results.

        • BadKitty904

          An ignorant electorate is an easily controlled electorate.

          ~ The GOP

    • Rags
  • Lance Thrustwell

    I really want to see Lewandowski and Scaramucci get into a heated argument. It would be a real testostussle.

    • Oblios_Cap

      I wouldn’t mind watching them have a knife fight.

    • BigCSouthside

      That’s a tough one to call. The amount of cocaine Mooch has had could tip the scales in his favor

  • Level of Hate – increasing.

    • BadKitty904

      Pace yourself, chickadee – it’s still Monday morning…

  • Nounverb911
    • Carpe Vagenda

      Your good intentions at work.

    • Maggielle

      My travel experiences are not vast, nor are they recent. What’s the consensus on which subway system in the world is currently the best?

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        I liked to one in Rome. And I liked the one in London. NYC is really confusing, even more so than London, which is comparable in size. DC has a better bus system than train system. The trains basically just funnel people in from the ‘burbs. To get around while n DC, the bus is the way to go.

        • Rags

          Tokyo – an immensity of humanity traveling with astounding precision.

  • BadKitty904
    • Villago Delenda Est

      “Next time, with some chocolate!”

  • Nounverb911

    What’s the Vegas line on how long he lasts?
    https://twitter.com/JenniferJJacobs/status/892017040906702848

    • Oblios_Cap

      I wonder what kind of loyalty oath he had to take.

      • Nounverb911

        Well, certainly NOT to the constitution.

      • BigCSouthside

        I think they are having a cabinet meeting today. I’m sure the praises of dear leader will be laid out

      • BosGrl

        Was just thinking that: “… so help me, Trump.”

      • FlownΩver

        I imagine it made reference to the only cock he’s allowed to suck.

    • timpundit

      Which one?

      • Gayer Than Thou

        AOT,K

    • Villago Delenda Est

      WTF is with all the service flags in the Oval Office?

      • Nounverb911
      • alpacapunchbowl

        It’s a new requirement. At least 20 pieces of flair displayed at all times.

        • Maggielle

          What do bone spurs look like? Probably not too much like cowboy spurs. I’m gonna find out. Could be a cool new piece of flair.

      • BigCSouthside

        Trump thinks it’s his military

        Also I never noticed, washingtons portrait is him as a general, not president

        • Richard Girlswin

          In the business world one of the status symbols is owning a sports team. I just realized that Trump sees the military as his new sportsball franchise.

      • From Russia with Love

        Maybe you can request that as a retired three balloon?

      • Mavenmaven
    • guppy06

      Chiefs of staff get “sworn in?”

      Dare I ask what the oath is?

    • Scooby

      The over/under is 4 months

  • La forza del resistino

    So Anne Gorsuch (yes, related) finally gets her mugshot in the EPA museum. She of the plan to barge toxic waste out into the Atlantic and dump it off Bermuda.

    • BosGrl

      Geez.

    • From Russia with Love

      Ask any Somali how much they appreciate that.

  • BadKitty904
  • timpundit

    One of my most satisfying daydreams is yelling at Christie in a ball park. I’m thinking about it right now.

  • Nounverb911

    The trumptionary word of the day is OMERTA

    https://twitter.com/kylegriffin1/status/891980512083845121

    • Canis Greyhame

      “Santino, come here. What’s the matter with you? I think your brain is going soft with all that comedy you are playing with that young girl. Never tell anyone outside the Family what you are thinking again.”

    • Flashman

      NDA? They should call it das Meineid.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      The Trump Crime Family IS a Crime Family. No doubt about it.

    • bupkus231

      This should be challenged in court. I suppose that some confidentiality agreements have been upheld, but this ( “retroactive and forever”, I believe the piece says ) sounds like it goes entirely too far.

      But, unless it’s challenged, nada….

    • alpacapunchbowl

      JFC. As horrifying as Pence is, that family has to go (to jail, preferably).

  • Antonin Dvorak

    So, CNN has an instant replay of last weeks ACA vote that would make ESPN jealous.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TUVYYiRIuE4

    • Gayer Than Thou

      That is a thing of beauty.

      http://i.imgur.com/3kFM8df.gif

      • Lance Thrustwell

        How you do the ‘L L’ superscript? Also, what it mean?

        • Gayer Than Thou

          I don’t see that, so I have no idea how I did it. But obviously what it means is I’m activating the Illuminati and other Soros-funded members of the Beyhive.

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      All that misses is a mic drop.

    • Lyly Sirivong

      I find it hilarious that the vote is done with a thumbs-up or a thumbs-down. Like a gladiator fight.
      “Feed the ACA skinny repeal to the lions !”

    • From Russia with Love

      Brilliant!

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      what’s with the “hold my hand out and build up the drama” crap.

      • Maggielle

        Yeah, I’m gonna give him that one for free on account of the glioblastoma. He’s on his final tour; anyone can get away with a little drama that would normally be assholish.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Suffer, Yertle. Suffer, you vile creature.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Dominic, you’ve nailed the Ryan agenda on “tax reform” with frightening accuracy.

  • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

    I saw NY Rep Chris Collins on CNN explain why last week was a total success for Trump. Keep fucking that chicken, Chris!

    • Les Appentis De la résistance

      This week Collins is introducing a federal bill that will limit states’ ability to regulate guns because NY hasn’t had any mass shootings in awhile. So much for states rights.

  • BadKitty904
  • Nounverb911
    • BadKitty904

      As in “denial”?

      • Richard Girlswin

        As in All Of This, Katie.

  • Sedagive ’em Hell

    Thank you for the coatis – that is some atomic-grade squee.

  • persistently_resistant_gayby

    I didn’t fucking know that the Statue of Liberty displays a massive middle finger now instead of a torch – thanks Trump!

  • Nounverb911
    • Msgr_MΩment

      Chris Christie wants to know what this whole sucking-one’s-own-cock thing is about.

      • Skeptical_thinker

        I suspect that it has been many years since Crispy Creme saw his cock.

  • BadKitty904
    • And the MAGA-hatters and assorted Shit of this nation do not – and cannot – even comprehend how much damage has been done already.

      “Where are the American Carriers?”

      “Who even cares?”

      It’s over. Pax Americana, US influence, our time as a world power, it’s over.

      We are maybe the Spanish Empire in 1895, if not the Ottoman Empire in 1885.

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        U.S. influence remains a significant factor. U.S. leadership, on the other hand…

      • BadKitty904

        Truly. China and Russia are working 24/7 to fill the gap in world power left by America, thanks to the Russian/Republican Junta…

    • bupkus231

      Hell, our country survived 9/11 – but it doesn’t look like we’ll survive the GOP.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    Momentary OT but – my wife bought an enormous mint plant yesterday. I saw it and had one thought – mojitos!

    Damn those things are delicious. But now my head hurts.

    • chortlingdingo

      Oh yum. I kind of like chewing on mint leaves by themselves.

      • Maggielle

        I do too, but they get stuck in my teeth, which kind of zeroes out the fresh breath benefit.

    • Zyxomma

      I bought a pineapple and cut mint onto the pieces as I put them in the jar.

  • Nounverb911
    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Oh yeah those are cool.

    • chortlingdingo

      What the heck is that? I’ve never seen one before! And I’ve been to a lot of Targets! Is this a regional thing?

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        It’s a cart escalator so that you can take your shopping cart between floors without using an elevator.
        I’ve seen it at a few Target stores – usually ones that are attached to a shopping mall so they are multi-level to fit the same size store in a smaller footprint.

        • chortlingdingo

          I’ve never seen a Target attached to a mall before! That’s kind of amazing! They must not be a Texas thing?

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            we have one here attached ot a pathetic little mall, but i think that’s more of an artifact than an ongoing thing.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          Costcos have them around here.

        • PubOption

          One Target in St. Louis has underground parking, so has one of those escalators and an elevator to get carts down.

      • Zyxomma

        I’ve seen them at Bed Bath & Beyond.

  • Antonin Dvorak

    Here is a behind-the-scenes look at last weeks vote from Senator Chris Murphy:

    https://medium.com/@ChrisMurphyCT/behind-the-scenes-last-nights-health-care-vote-d37f57641458

    • Zyxomma

      Wow.

  • armed_bears
  • Lyly Sirivong

    “Who Ate Republicans’ Brains?”

    https://www.nytimes.com/2017/07/31/opinion/republicans-trumpcare-obamacare-lies.html

    Put it this way: Senator Lindsey Graham was entirely correct when he described the final effort at repeal as “terrible policy and horrible politics,” a “disaster” and a “fraud.” He voted for it anyway — and so did 48 of his colleagues.

    So where did this zombie horde come from? Who ate Republicans’ brains ?

    […]

    The problem is that once you accept the principle that it’s O.K. to lie if it helps you win elections, it gets ever harder to limit the extent of the lying — or even to remember what it’s like to seek the truth.

    • From Russia with Love

      Whoever ate them all, it was but a tiny snack.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        The brain slugs would starve on Rethuglican brains.

  • Nounverb911
    • GreenGoldSharpie

      But she should be replaced! Derp.

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        Yep, because a leadership fight should be what we focus on while the other side is imploding.
        I swear, we got some real dum-dums on our side.

      • Kitty Smith

        That’s why she should be replaced, duh! How can we have the revolution if the evil neoliberal homofaggy DemocRATS don’t lay down and die!

        This isn’t rocket surgery, you know!

      • Carpe Vagenda

        The delightful thing about the Cillizza tweet is that he was cleary aiming for a horde of bros, and what he got instead (as usual, come to think of it) was a bunch of citizens who were in complete agreement that Pelosi is awesome and Cillizza is an idiot.

        I feel like one of the few things that have gone right lately is that I am no longer helping to pay Chris Cillizza’s salary and Jeff Zucker is.

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    Ben Garrison dropped a couple of dookies this weekend. Let’s begin with this Elders of Zion conspiracy:

    http://grrrgraphics.com/uploads/7/4/7/3/74734153/soros-puppets_5_orig.jpg

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      oh ffs – what does that even mean? Didn’t both those guys get shit canned by Obama?

      Like, what does THIS EVEN MEAN?

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        Apparently it is a commission for some dope named Mike Cernovich.

      • MrTusks

        This elicits my primal rage against liberals in a way I cannot coherently explain, and is therefore successful.

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        McMaster is Donnie’s NSA. So I guess Donnie is being played too.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Misspelled “Joooz”.

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    DOMINIC! In the Duterte post, you have a lonely parenthesis…either give that guy a friend or escort him out. ; )

    Also too:
    https://twitter.com/realdonaldtrump/status/891996053611917312
    https://twitter.com/realdonaldtrump/status/891998881009061888

    • P’jama Pahnts

      Tanks Obama! he left that part out

    • From Russia with Love

      Dollar vs Euro in nearly steady decline since March:

      https://www.oanda.com/fx-fo…”e=EUR&duration=30

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Are you going to buy Texas?

        • From Russia with Love

          Two edged sword. I make dollars. Wife makes euros. Cost me more to live, her less.

          Good for US exports, but wait a while before you order that Mercedes.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            You should demand to be paid in rubles, in anticipation of the future.

          • From Russia with Love

            If Trump placates Russia sufficiently, I will get to meet and know many of them on a first name basis no doubt.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            “Welcome to the Fulda Gap, comrades!”

    • Ryan Denniston

      Did Trump just throw Congress under the bus?

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        he’s been raging about that all weekend, which, I’m not even sure what it means.

        • PubOption

          He seems to think that, since Repubs can’t get 51 votes for Obamacre repeal, they should change the rules so that they will only need 51 votes.

      • From Russia with Love

        Has that distinct look and smell, doesn’t it?

    • BigCSouthside

      Sigh…

      The subsidies are an offsetting tool you stupid fuck

      And the reason the stock market is good and unemployment is low is because THE BLACK GUY FUCKING SAVED THE GODDAMN ECONOMY AFTER YOUR PARTY SHOT IT IN THE BACK.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Facts are stubborn things.

      • Manders

        . . . at least in part by regulating. And now the same dudes (and of course dudes) that fucked up before (I see you, Dimon) are all, “the regulations are keeping us from making (even MOAR) money! It will be totes fine to deregulate again! Nothing bad ever happens in deregulated markets!

    • Proud Liberal

      Thanks Obama!

    • Canis Greyhame

      Uh, yeah, ok. Seems like a good time to murder the insurance markets and crash 1/6th of the economy, I guess. No chaos! No chaos! YOU’RE the chaos!

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        And don’t forget, Price is combing the regulatory side looking for the magic loophole where he can completely waive the individual mandate.

    • bupkus231

      “…unemployment lowest in 17 years…”

      Also, too, the labor force participation rate is the lowest it’s been in 40 years ( since the 70s, when wimmins were still entering the work force )

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        i would love to “participate”, but in my chosen field, the job creators aren’t helping much.

        • Zyxomma

          Same here.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            stay strong buddy.

        • bupkus231

          I been done “participating” – but, if my health insurance premiums/deductibles blow up. I may find myself in your position, except oldz.

          Four and a half years to Medicare, 6 1/2 to full SS retirement age. May need to take early retirement from my pension, ’cause the 401(k) ain’t gonna last.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie
  • Msgr_MΩment

    Today we are all young coatis, trying to figure out what creatures are safe…. and dangerous.

  • Ryan Denniston

    People are lining up to take a dump on Reince Priebus, including Michael Steele, who says, “Karma’s a bitch.”

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/21f2bf2ab234f663a449a6b1f72c4bb20b2de33a703ae698e4a6b33c7dc89737.jpg

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Rinse has earned his fate. He’s been slime for years, and now he’s been outslimed.

  • Proud Liberal

    We can’t have anything nice as long as Republicans exist.

  • Dom, the linky to “Florida Man Divorces Wife” leads me to more immigration skullduggery in Charlotte, NC.

    • Ryan Denniston

      I wondered if it was just me, or if the joke was too deep.

  • Rick Hill

    The ever knowing random play gave me this and I come to the daily Wonk and this header: Paul Ryan Comes Out To Play
    All hail the magnificent random play!
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MPr_WQm0-UY

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    And the klassy one: John McCain as a tumor that must retire.

    McCain is a deep state stooge. He’s an angry poodle on the leash of George Soros. He’s a globalist who is pro-massive immigration, pro-war and pro-trannies in the military. He’s not a war hero no matter how many times that lie is repeated by the fakestream media.

    http://grrrgraphics.com/uploads/7/4/7/3/74734153/mccain-tumor-removal_orig.jpg

    • GreenGoldSharpie

      Soros! Drink!

      *dies from alcohol poisoning*

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      I’ve called McCain more bad names than I can recall over the last 30 years, but “Soros stooge” has never come to mind.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Anyone who dares to question the One True Faith of Mammon is obviously a Soros stooge.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Everybody who repeats the “not a war hero” meme should be required, in the interest of full disclosure, to state concisely but fully the ways that s/he has served this country.
      /I have not, btw

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        He saved us from the horror of taco trucks.

      • From Russia with Love

        Everybody who hasn’t been shot at professionally needs to explain in civilian terms why he is a war hero. The guy got like 20 combat hours (probably eight or ten trips across the fence) before losing one more airplane in a long list.
        My old ops officer was a Vietnam vet in F-4s. He used to say “Getting shot down is the ultimate feedback on you ability as a pilot.”

        • Maggielle

          My war heroes include Hugh Thompson, Jr., Glenn Andreotta, and Lawrence Colburn. But I don’t object to McCain’s status, on account of his time as a POW. Maybe I am naive about that, but my understanding is that he endured and helped others endure.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      sigh – i thought they WANTED to bomb iran…and Mccain’s not exactly pro-war or pro “tranny”.

      God, I’m defending that fucker now.

    • bupkus231

      That fuckin’ Ben Garrison is himself a cancer on America.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      p.s. if your brain spells out USA – you’ve got more to worry about than john mccain.

    • Alexander Stallwitz

      Ahhh,Ben Garrison. The only comic artist whose cartoons are more batshit nuts is the late Jack T Chick. Serously, his csrtoons are unflitered right wing insanity.

    • Msgr_MΩment
      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        wow, it is WAY to early to unpack all of that.

    • BadKitty904

      Isn’t Soros even older than Walnutz?

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Soros is ancient. He is the original Wandering Jew, roaming the earth for hundreds of years and dining off stolen Christian babbies.
        Please try to keep up.

        • BadKitty904

          Who knew he was Jewish?

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            They changed it from Sorostein at Ellis Island.

          • BadKitty904

            Oy…

          • Msgr_MΩment

            Not the collaborationist Hungarian government, if he could help it.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Ben Garrison brings the derp every time.

    • Wild Cat

      The way little ben garrison signs his name – that big-dotted “i”—it’s wingnut code for, “I’m a GOP bottom – cram it in!”

    • FlownΩver

      Garrison is Kelly from The Onion except he means it.

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      Wait, what? Just because he voted ‘no’ on that repeal bill? Jeez, talk about ‘if you’re not for us you’re against us.’

  • Proud Liberal
    • MynameisBlarney

      Jesus fucking Christ.

    • BigCSouthside

      Typical republican. Try to alter reality to fit lies.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        “We must invade Iran before the beginning of the rainy season!”

      • Proud Liberal

        Let’s not forget “Bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb Iran” that McCain uttered during his 2008 campaign.

    • Ghenghis McCann

      The phrases “Trump threw a tantrum” and “blow up” in the same paragraph are enough to frighten me.

    • Barring any other blow-ups, we now know where Trump’s “Short, Victorious War” takes place.

      I’m betting the Iranians hand Trump his ass, and we see 2 aircraft carriers on the bottom before 2018.

      • From Russia with Love

        I’m betting you are wrong. I’ve tried attacking a carrier before.

    • BadKitty904

      The unmasking of Trump’s Putin’s plans to sabotage the nuclear deal…

      Corrected.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Read Vanity Fair’s article about the Dept of Energy to see just how fucking scary stupid this is.

      • Proud Liberal

        My God. They don’t take any of this seriously do they? I don’t know why it’s so God damned hard to get rid of tiny hands Trump.

    • MrTusks

      I bet they already have their 25th Amendment statements signed and ready to go as soon as Trump says he wants to push the big red button.

    • PubOption

      Trump’s Iran policy is Farsi-cal.

      • Rags

        4-5 will screw it up Sunni or later, I’m Shia.

        • Paul

          Sufi-ce it to say I agree.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    People are lining up to take a dump on Reince Priebus, including Michael Steele, who says, “Karma’s a bitch.”

    And so, apparently, is Michael Steele.

    • CripesAmighty

      I’ll take another cup of Nuclear Folgers, thanks.

      • Snopes Shop

        Nuke-u-lar

  • MynameisBlarney
    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      see, while scary, that’s also some pretty interesting shit right dere.

    • Ghenghis McCann

      So the Facebook researchers’ AI systems are more intelligent than the majority of Facebook users?

      • MynameisBlarney

        Yup.
        And that’s why they shut it down.

        • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

          And I really don’t want them selling products to me I might actually buy.

          • Ghenghis McCann

            I’m having an episode of Amazon recommending things that are of no interest to me whatsoever. It makes a change from them recommending things that I’ve already bought from them.

      • armed_bears

        Yes, and it spoke Russian.

    • Canis Greyhame

      Oh my god …

    • armed_bears

      If we lived in normal times, this would actually be pretty scary.

      Now, I’m damn well willing to give them a shot at running this circus.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Apparently if you put humans together that have no language they will create one.

      • therblig

        trumpy, when the walls fell.

    • Honestly Hun, I think the story is Clickbait B.S.

      They made an input, the “A.I.” gave them unexpected output, and they stopped the experiment would be a more honest reading of the events.

      • MynameisBlarney

        DAMMIT!
        Well, that’s what I get for not being fully caffeinated before reading stuff.

      • Ghenghis McCann

        Your post didn’t end with “And I, for one, welcome our new AI overlords”.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • I sure am gonna steal that.

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      If Clippy actually said stuff like this I’d install him in a New York minute.

  • CripesAmighty

    Hey, kids, wrong linky to the ‘guy dumps bonkers trump-selfie wife’ story above. Here’s the right one: https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2017/07/30/why-a-woman-blames-trump-selfies-for-her-divorce/?utm_term=.c18c41cd668a

    • Carpe Vagenda

      I love that story, and especially the way while she was asking for everyone to respect their privacy the firm she runs independently and without her knowledge put a whole bunch of highly personal information in the press release. Who knew a former cheerleader rainmaker at a Republican PR firm would behave in such a tacky manner?

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      Self promoting bimbo likes another self promoting bimbo, Film at 11!

    • chortlingdingo

      Whew, thanks, for a minute there I thought I was going to have to find it on my own.

    • armed_bears

      If this had been posted on the right thread, it would make sense.

      • armed_bears

        In fact, I blame it on the Facebook AI bots.

    • Edith Prickly

      The Mooch is going to be single soon too, they’d be perfect for each other.

      • Blackest Noobs

        well he is employed by a self-avowed pussy grabber..so i am sure they will be out club’ing soon.

  • Proud Liberal
  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    Opinions mixed on Trump’s “rough ’em up a little” comments. Apparently CNN found a retired NYPD officer to defend his comments, saying clearly because everyone laughed they knew it was a joke.
    https://twitter.com/CNN/status/892010896221982720

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      i knew this was coming.

      Cause U..S. Presidents joking about violating constitutional protections in front of a room full of cops is “funny”.

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        It’s all they have when it’s indefensible – “It was a joke! Geez, lighten up!”
        Yeah, because punching down is always funny. To authoritarians.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          THIS

        • CripesAmighty

          At core, they’re still just junior high morons stuffing the ‘smart kids’ heads into the lockers. Hurr. Hurr.

          • HorseChestnut

            I was promised that these assholes would chill the fuck out when they got older. I was lied to.

        • BosGrl

          The minute someone says “lighten up”, you know they’re just being defensive and they know they crossed a line.

      • Blackest Noobs

        so so funny cuz white people like Trump wants to reverse the clock back to the 19th..maybe even 18th century…when a white man can do whatever he pleases….oh wait that also 21st century too…silly me.

        • BosGrl

          They are holding on with their fingernails.

      • Edith Prickly

        It’s especially knee-slapping when real people have been getting killed due to police brutality. “Har har, keep up the good work!”

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          aye, indeed – poor timing strikes again.

    • BigCSouthside

      Pretty sure he’s been on before and as I recall he’s a fucking cocksucker

    • Blackest Noobs

      yet the thing is the President shouldn’t be making such “jokes.”

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        eggzactly…it’s the ole, you could, but probably shouldn’t problem.

        Kinda like grabbing women’s pussies.

    • Lyly Sirivong

      Bollocks. These kind of jokes only serve to normalize violence.

    • Mike Steele

      Saw that interview. The NYPD fluffer was obviously looking for a retirement gig.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    Okay, everyone – Donnie Two Scoops has called everyone together for another handjob session Cabinet Meeting.

    • From Russia with Love

      Line up and tell me how much you love me.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Don’t forget to unbuckle your belt first.

    • Snopes Shop

      He is borderline illiterate. It’s so weird how he doesn’t have remedial grammar skills.

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        “We’ll handle North Korea…it’ll be handled. We handle everything.”

        Okay, that’s not at all discomforting.

      • CripesAmighty

        That’s because he is, simply, an idiot.

    • Edith Prickly

      Bring your own covfefe.

    • timpundit

      He’d save more time and tax dollars if he’s just get one giant tube of chapstick and apply it to his enormous ass instead of making everyone buy their own individual sticks.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        why u hate capitalism?!?

        • TJ Barke

          The exploitation and artificial deprivation, mostly.

    • Me not sure

      Watch out if Trump suggests a game of musical chairs, Jeffie. The fix might be in.

    • Mary Theresa

      Another “The Apprentice” rerun?

    • mackafritz

      “Everybody, move one seat to the right. That is your new cabinet position.”

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Except that they have “Baby Beluga” on the PA and one less chair.

      • Anna Rompage

        There’s 22 of you, but only 21 chairs, when the music stops, grab a chair, and the one without is FIRED!

        • Good thing Christie wasn’t invited, fucko’d take 3 of em.

        • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

          “And Jeff Sessions, everyone else gets a 5 minute head start!”

    • P’jama Pahnts
  • TheGrandWazoo2

    General McCaffery on MSNBC: It’s time to start considering pre-emptive nuclear strike before the N. Korea situation gets out of hand.

    Yeah, nothing says calming like nuclear war.

    • P’jama Pahnts

      I would say a nuclear strike is the definition of “getting out of hand”

      • Carpe Vagenda

        But what if poking NK into nuking Manhattan is the only way for Jared and Don Jr to get out of pesky debt service with a bigass insurance payout? Where’s your patriotism?

        • P’jama Pahnts

          You are of course correct, and Manhattan would be a small price to pay indeed.

          • bupkus231

            I don’t doubt that there are many rural Trumpanzees that would say the same thing, except instead of your subtle snark, it would be accompanied by a hearty “Har, har, har!!!”

          • Carpe Vagenda

            Hey! My childhood home has sacrificed enough to unelected Republican sociopaths.

        • Zyxomma

          Well, should that be the outcome, let’s hope I’m vaporized, to spare my sisters funeral expenses. I’m about two and a half miles from the stock exchange; should be all good, right?

          • Carpe Vagenda

            Halfway between Trump Tower and Indian Point. I figure I’m vapor.

      • Mormos

        or the definition of “biblical end times”

    • Anna Rompage

      Didn’t we try that preemptive strike thingy before, and didn’t it turn out to not go so great?

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      WHAT? Mother of God. What says “American values” more than “pre-emptive nuclear war”?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      The first country that uses a nuke loses. It’s that fucking simple. This situation was made bad by the deserting coward, who undid the positive things Clinton did to tamp down the crisis, and is being made even worse by Donald, who can’t spell “diplomacy”, let alone implement it.

      • bupkus231

        Uh – we had a “first use doctrine” in Europe for years, probably still do. If the Russians were to launch a massive conventional attack, we have said we “reserve the right” to respond with nuclear ( probably tactical ) weapons.

        That has always been to me one of the most troubling promises of our “nuclear deterrence” policies….

      • Mildred Broxon

        The country that gets nuked first rather tends to lose as well.

    • jesterpunk

      Well South Korea should start evacuating now.

      • MynameisBlarney

        And Japan.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Someone remind brass-for-brains that there is no such thing as a limited nuclear exchange anymore.

    • Snopes Shop

      Goodbye, Seoul.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Lawrence Wilkerson was talking about this Sunday on Joy Reid. Yeah, we’ll “win”, but Seoul will be a smoking crater.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      McCaffrey ain’t worried. He’s got a ticket to the Dr. Strangelove survival bunker.

    • CripesAmighty

      He chose his words carefully. What he said, was that this created the need to develop first strike capability in the event of imminent launch by DPRK.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Yeah, but how the hell do we determine that an imminent launch, let alone an imminent nuclear launch, is about to take place? Our on the ground intel of North Korea is pathetic. We don’t have the slightest feel for how the people of North Korea will react to a conventional attack, let alone a nuclear one. The NKs have built a Hermit Kingdom, and we’d be going into this blind, with a moran in charge, to boot.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Probably the worst thing you can do with the death cult that is North Korea is throw in annihilation as a realistic possibility.

        • CripesAmighty

          Hey, never said it was a great idea, and have no idea how one would go about it. But he was careful to make the distinction.
          The key point I think he was trying to make is that the NK nuclear cat is out of the bag, and that inchoate chest-thumping won’t change that. As such, a coherent strategy needs to be developed, and they ain’t doin’ that.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            McCaffrey should have thought all that through. I’ve met the man, he’s not stupid.

      • Les Appentis De la résistance

        Can’t we just reprogram some of our ICBMs to target NK?

    • Blackest Noobs

      i am so certain China, South Korea, and Japan for starters would just LOVE, LOVE all that nuclear fallout….nothing says love like high levels of radiation induced sushi and kimchi and General Tao’s Chicken

      • Blackest Noobs

        but hey it could mean they wake up Godzilla…so cool idea, Bro?

      • bupkus231

        Prevailing winds would bring most of the fallout over to ALska and down the West Coast – think Fukushima, only more so, since those were only minimal leaks.

    • Anna Rompage

      This, ladies and gentlemen, is why the executive branch, and the people who oversee the military, are suppose to be civilians…

      • P’jama Pahnts

        The ole “when you’re a hammer, everything looks like a nail”

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Which is why Trump constantly talking about “my generals” is so fucking bone-chilling.

    • BigCSouthside

      That’s awesome, General, since you know damn well we could cripple N Korea with conventional weapons in a couple days

      • P’jama Pahnts

        We could impose nasty sanctions on hamster feed and their entire infrastructure would collapse.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      A proxy nuclear war with China sounds like a great idea. They can try out a few of thos “carrier killer” missles and Gawd knows what else they have.
      South Korea and Japan will appreciate the fact that they are in effect hostages in this whole conflict.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        The NKs will lob nukes at Honshu at the same time. They hate the Japanese (the SKs aren’t much better in that department) for good reason.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Goddammit…

    • Michael R

      Interesting fact : North Korea is asking itself the same question

      Is anyone considering the consequences of this kind of thinking ?

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos
    • TJ Barke

      Fucking ridiculous. DPRK would not ever launch an actual first strike. They would be completely glassed in retaliation.

    • Oh good. I was tired of life anyway.

    • OrG

      Pretty sure the Japanese thought of Pearl Harbor as a “pre-emptive strike”.

      • Ghenghis McCann

        The Japanese Ambassador was supposed to deliver a declaration of war, just before the attack. But the message wasn’t decoded by his cipher clerks until after it had started.

        • Longstreet63

          To be fair, they had never bothered to actually declare war on anyone before attacking before. Alerting the enemy always seemed counterproductive.
          Hell, we don’t do it any more, either.

    • Doug Langley

      In today’s news: Trump orders a pre-emptive nuclear strike on Robert Mueller.

    • Persistent Demme

      THIS is what the Australians I met a few months ago, were most worried about.

  • Michael R
    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Missed opportunity! When Christie told him to have another beer his reply should have been, “Why don’t you have another basket of nachos, you fat fuck!”

  • OutOfOrbit

    Just a thought: what if it turns out that making tRlump pres. (with Rs running congress) is so awful that the Merican peeps totally shit-can them wholesale (as a party) in ’18.
    Of course two precursors are required:
    1) the Rs donut blow up the world before then and
    b) our Fed dozn’t totally collapse before then.

    Call me crazy but if it turns out like that, having what we got now may turn out for the best.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      you need a 3) The American voters aren’t idiots.

      • OrG

        BIG IF…

      • mackafritz

        That’s the one I’m worried about.

      • jesterpunk

        Well we are screwed then, American voters have the memory of a goldfish with alzheimer’s if they even bother to vote.

      • Blackest Noobs

        #3 blows #1 and b right out of the fucking water.

        and you think…in a normal situation…people would wise up and not continue to vote Republican…but those same people…keep fucking that chicken thinking they will get the results they want if they just wait a little bit more….look at Kansas…they went nuts about trickle down economics and it fucked their state good….even when it was showing signs the state was getting fucked, the people of Kansas continued to vote Republican.

        At this point you would think, well, shit, of course the Republicans will get their asses handed to them…i say they will only have minor losses.

        why? because the only other choice is the Democrats…so yeah…tough luck, kids.

        • Claire

          Maybe sane centrists of whatever party really ought to get together and run independent candidates in places like that. You can’t fix stupid, but sometimes you can do an end-run around it.

    • SayItWithWookies

      That would be great – but if it didn’t happen in 2008 after the economy was in a shambles and we were ass-deep in two wars we had no hope of getting out of, I’m not sure there’s much that’ll make the people shitcans the GOP forever.

      • OutOfOrbit

        W’s recession (and his Little Wars not-so-much) may seem good times before this round is down & out.

  • jesterpunk

    Trump is going to try another reset, the first 100 didn’t work but maybe it will work now.

    http://www.cnn.com/2017/07/31/politics/trump-starts-over/index.html

  • Carpe Vagenda

    jhca.

    Hoover. He thinks Hoover was a golden land we should return to.

    “We won,” Priebus told me in an interview. Calling from the golf course on Sunday afternoon, he sounded both defiant and relieved. “Winning is what we were supposed to do, and we won. That’s the job of the Republican Party. It’s in the best shape it’s been in since 1928.”

    • BigCSouthside

      lol he’s real dumb

      • TJ Barke

        Kind of an understatement.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      1928. And what happened in 1929? Idiot.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Obama.

        • Hahaha. It’s funny because it’s “true”.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Coolidge, technically.

    • bupkus231

      Jezzus – I guess it’s not only Rump who can’t get over that aberration of a 2016 election…

    • MynameisBlarney

      HA!
      Talk about being in complete denial.

    • Anna Rompage

      1928

      25% top tier personal income tax
      12.5% capital gains tax
      13.5% corporate tax

      Sounds exactly like what the GOP has been gunning for for decades…

    • jesterpunk

      RNC PR BS is doing his normal stupid routine. The GOP won but they can’t do anything because they don’t actually know how to govern they only know how to say no to everything.

    • Doug Langley

      So does that mean that next year will be a repeat of 1929?

      • Ghenghis McCann

        Biglier.

    • therblig

      gee, our old lasalle ran great.

      into a fucking ditch.

  • Komsumverweigerer Ron

    Dominic reports:

    Immigrants seeking asylum are being deported in staggering numbers as immigration courts are simply booting people instead.

    Looks like we’re going to have to hire more people to welcome American refugees at the border.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      you know how you read histories of various famous people, and sometimes there’s a line like, “[X]’s parents fled the Nazis/Soviets/Communists/Whatevers.”

      I’m really starting to wonder when we reach that stage in America. Cause I really am thinking of fleeing.

      • BosGrl

        Where are we going? Because I’m ready, too, and I suspect lots of people here are as well. We can set up an expat community of Wonkers somewhere :)

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          Canada gurl, they speak english and all you need to bring with you is a parka.

          • BosGrl

            I wonder if they need medical transcriptionists…?

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            who doesn’t?!?

            I mean that, that’s a good field.

        • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

          California. It’s expensive, but we have all the freedoms here.

      • CripesAmighty

        If I could afford it, I would have been gone long ago.

      • I have $3 dollars in the bank, so I’ll have to stay and fight. It’s my nature and inclination anyway.

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          we’ll swing by and pick you up. It’s on my way.

          ; )

          • No. Thank you, but no.

            Live Free or Die, I’ll stand my ground. I am an American citizen. Damn the rest.

        • h4rr4r

          And the monthly $5 fee for a balance below $500 and put you at -$3. The fee for a negative balance has made that -$28. Thank you

      • You all are welcome in Australia 🇦🇺

        I have a lounge, you all can share.

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          i’d love to visit! But that flight man. A bu ddy of mine had a skilled worker visa, said he had a blast there.

        • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

          I wish your government felt the same way.

    • OrG

      Job Creators!

    • CripesAmighty

      Can I be next?

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        Okay. Can you swim? I can meet you in Point Edward. And as a bonus the chip trucks there are REALLY good.

        • CripesAmighty

          Goddamn right I can (or could 30 years ago).

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos
    • BosGrl

      I never thought I’d feel sympathy for the insurance companies.

      • BadKitty904

        I don’t feel wildly sympathetic. Their campaign contributions to the GOP helped create this clustermess.

  • BosGrl

    The mayor of Nashville lost her only child to OD this weekend. I’m just sitting here crying because another day, another family.
    https://twitter.com/MayorMeganBarry/status/891762133062561792

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω
  • Richard Girlswin

    The Florida Man entry is mislinked to the asylum story. :)

  • Carpe Vagenda

    This is kind of genius.

    . This kind of bombastic nastiness is generally excused on the grounds precisely of transgression. Civility, the argument goes, is the tool of the Man. The alt right and Chapo alike reject the bland nostrums of the suits, just like the Beatles scandalized America by growing their hair long. But if, as Nagle says, transgression is nihilistic and pointless, then doesn’t that make Chapo nihilistic and pointless? If transgression as an ethic is dumb, shouldn’t Nagle be criticizing a podcast named (ahem) Chapo Trap House, rather than talking about how great they are?

    Nagle and Halper don’t have an answer. Instead, Nagle simply backs and fills, muttering about how Chapo is materialist, and therefore opposed to the alt right and identity politics. This comes in at the end of the episode, and as an argument it’s never fleshed out. But the rest of the podcast suggests that what we’ve got here is an undertheorized conception of backlash. The alt right, for Nagle, does not just take its transgressive ideology from the left. Rather, it is a reaction to the left.

    If that sounds like a familiar talking point, it’s only because it’s a familiar talking point. Nazis themselves always present themselves as aggrieved parties; their violence and rage is always, supposedly, an understandable reaction to the aggression of Jews and other marginalized people.

    Of course, Nazis lie all the time. You shouldn’t trust Nazis. Nor should you sympathize with Nazis as Nazis. This seems like a pretty straightforward rule of thumb. Yet, Nagle consistently sympathizes with and re-broadcasts alt right burble, treating that burble as if it is some leftist insight. She explains the appeal of the alt right by saying that many young people, “started being so irritated by the online culture of public shaming that Jon Ronson wrote about. This skips lightly over the fact that the right wing movement #gamergate was itself a massive exercise in online shaming—and of course Nazi and far right harassment long precedes the existence of the Internet…

    • Stulexington

      Oh I see, it’s not just a bunch of butthurt from the overpriviledged, it’s an understandable backlash from the overprivileged over all the hurts their collective butts have received.

    • BosGrl

      A lot of that went over my head but it did raise some interesting points. I don’t trust anyone who is all the way to the right or all the way to the left. Most of us are somewhere north or south of center. That’s how we maintain a society.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        it didn’t go over your head – it’s pseudo intellectual clap trap. Navel gazing and meaningless sentences.

        • BosGrl

          Thank you. Phew.

        • Thank crom! I thought I was having a stroke!

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            well, i’m not the smartest tool in the shed, and it’s early – but I have an excellent bullshit detector right here.

          • You wanna sell it Space Taco?

            I have thousands of sorobucks in a shoebox.

        • HazooToo

          Why the fuck do people do that? I’m so sick of feeling stupid just because they want to sound all poetic.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            when i was 18 or so, I was taking some stupid college course…we were given a reading assignment, I literally called home in tears…over susan sontag.

            Let that sink in.

          • HazooToo

            Jesus. My senior year English teacher was utterly obsessed with bleak, depressing, tragic stories. Literally everything she assigned us involved some pointless suffering and meaningless death. I was already depressed as a poor and bullied teenager, and it felt like she was trying to send us some kind of hideous message.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            we did a section in AP English on “evil”. (See if that shit would fly today). The first thing was a handout on the central park jogger case – this was before those boys were cleared. Then we read “lord of the flies.”

          • HazooToo

            Wow. Just… What the fuck.

          • ahughes798

            We read “The Scarlet Letter,” followed by “Lord of the Flies.” Happy Happy Fun Fun!

          • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

            Did they teach Lord Of The Flies as an illustration of the inherent evil of mankind? Or, as it was originally written, the inherent evil of upper class colonial white males?

          • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

            That message is “Enjoyable things are not Serious™ and therefore not True Art®”

            💩

        • Courser_Resistance

          Thanks! I just thought it was a Monday.

    • Doug Langley

      Oh mah Gawd! Whatever David Brooks has, it’s contagious!!

  • William
    • It’s like refined and bottled truth right there.

    • bupkus231

      ” …and there’s no treatment yet identified for your condition”

  • Komsumverweigerer Ron

    Okay, a solar eclipse is portentous. But if a comet appears in the sky they might just lynch Donnie in self-defense.

    • Anna Rompage

      I’m kind of wondering how many people in the religious areas of our country that will experience totality, will think the eclipse is actually god implementing Armageddon…

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        The LAST solar eclipse brought out the fundie eschatologists in droves. Heck, the last LUNAR eclipse brought ’em out too. Planetary system dynamics, how do they work?

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • therblig

      “It’s like a Tarantino remake of Duck Soup, with Seb Gorka as Zeppo.”

      brilliant.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Lewandowski looks like a chump – dude, either button both suit buttons or leave it unbuttoned. The one-button look doesn’t work for you.
      Omarosa, that dress is not flattering. At all.
      Mooch looks like every sleazeball stockbroker stereotype. And are mirrored sunglasses in again?

      • Carpe Vagenda

        It’s not a bad color for her. It’s just too small, and I don’t understand that. Her job is to stand in front of cameras, ffs. I could get essentially that same dress shipped to me overnight from Lands End in the right size for $25 in cashback points.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      He’s spot on as usual. One thing I’m getting sick of btw is the charge that Dems are too into identity politics. Charles is right in that those West Virginia folk see Democrats as the party of “city people, gays, teh blacks, and welfare bums and loonies”. My upstate NY relatives are the same way. They will never, ever vote for Democrats no matter what they offer.
      It doesn’t matter that these Republicans have government jobs, or that they use Medicaid, Welfare (one of them almost went to prison for welfare fraud) or SSI disability way more than the liberal branch of the family.
      Why doesn’t anyone ever talk about the Republican party’s practice of identity politics with white Christians?

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      “The only way for the Democrats to weaponize properly the fact that we are now being governed by a claque of dimwitted saloon bouncers is for the party not to be overly concerned about insulting the people who put the claque of dimwitted saloon bouncers into office.”

      Preach it.

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      Maybe the new general-chief-of-staff, will explain to Omarosa what professional attire entails. Now that dress is appropriate for a certain profession …

    • therblig

      a bunch of self-important morons who think they’re doing the slo-mo walk from “Guardians of the Galaxy”. shitheads.

    • cheetojeebus

      It’s a Reno 911/The Office mashup. I give it 1 season at most.

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      I saw that photo described as a scene from Reservoir Derp.

  • Anna Rompage

    After reading years and years worth of Ryan budgets, I have a feeling his current budget plan is about as likely to get passed as his rewrite of our healthcare initiative…

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      There hasn’t been a budget since 2010 because Blah Man. I don’t expect these guys to produce anything because they never have and they don’t want to caucus with the Dems or listen to their gray haired cohort.
      The end of August will be interesting. Get your rest now.

  • Villago Delenda Est
    • OrG

      Ha! I haven’t had breakfast yet.

      • Pilotshark

        me either, but now i might be thinking lunch. :-)

      • Zyxomma

        Neither have I, and the jasmine tea isn’t going to come up; had it too long ago.

    • That’s hot.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    Does anybody else feel like two days off from the usual shit is not quite enough to regain one’s strength in advance of whatever might be coming this week? Because I’m pre-emptively exhausted, and I’d sure like to know it’s not just me. . . .

    • It isn’t. I have to quarantine all tech for a few days a week just to get some downtime on this shit.

      And I don’t even live in America, imagine it’s 50 times worse for you poor bastards.

      Now I hear nuclear annihilation is on the table for NK, let the good times roll.

      • Courser_Resistance

        I take weekends ‘off’ from the shitshow. June and July were very busy for me, training and supporting my volunteer groups. August will be slower so I’ll probably head for the high country on the weekends.

        Stuff still trickles through, but I tend to ignore it as best I can.

        • That’s some good work and play you have there Courser, plus it’s always the case in books about the end of the world that people camping in the mountains usually survive nuclear wars/zombie apocalypses etc.

          Unfortunately they usually live to regret living, so hmm.

          Anyway you have fun! I’m gonna go camping this weekend too, just to spite the stupid universe.

    • VirginiaWackelpudding

      It’s the upcoming eclipse. It’s sucking up all the snark we use as fuel. It may signal an explosion of derp and cowbells, but the predictions aren’t very clear yet.

      • Oh ffs, whys it need to use snark as fuel??? We only have a finite supply.

        Can’t it use humiliation of trump as fuel? There’s fucking tons of it lying around.

        Somebody go ask the damn eclipse if it can switch to a sustainable fuel source.

        • VirginiaWackelpudding

          Just do what is says or it’s back to the snark mines!!

      • puredog
    • I dunno. I’ve taken two days off and I feel relaxed enough to even deal with Trump shennanigans. Of course the fact that I’m also taking a vacation from (anti)social media might have a little something to do with it.

      • Yr. Gma

        Facebook is evil.

    • Weird Fishes

      I actually went all day Saturday without consuming any news, opinion, and bloviating from the junta down there in Dee See. It was enormously refreshing and invigorating.

      Even yesterday, back to a more relaxed pace of consumption, was okay. I mean, it’s almost noon on a Monday and I’m not fearful for the future of the Republic yet.

      Who knows. maybe we’ll catch a break. Maybe McConnell will get run over by a tractor, or Ryan will be exposed as the real trafficker at that pizza joint, or something.

    • Reading all these comments at 3:15 central is pretty amusing.

  • Nounverb911
    • BosGrl

      I saw that yesterday and totally misread it. I thought it was that he *was paid* 100K, which I couldn’t understand why that was a big deal. Jesus, he’s a tool.

    • Yr. Gma

      His out sized ego is going to clash with Donnie’s at some point. Another narcissist.

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    Why are there reporters in the cabinet meeting?

    • Ghenghis McCann

      Because the media always lie about Trump?

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      cause it’s not a meeting, it’s kabuki?

      • Ghenghis McCann

        Bukakke?

        • Lance Thrustwell

          I dunno, that’s kind of hard to swallow.

        • ahughes798

          I’m gonna wash that man right out of my hair…..

    • Coz the republicans are gonna lock the doors and dim the lights, then potentially horrible things are gonna befall those reporters. Allegedly.

  • Randy Riddle

    Looking more closely at that Newsweek article on astrologers and the eclipse:

    “In February, DeLeo-Moolenaar wrote on her blog Archetypal Assets that she finds it significant how the eclipse will involve Uranus, according to astrological charts. That planet, she wrote, “disrupts everything that it touches. It is a lightning bolt from the blue. Serious change in any direction and on a major scale.” And because Uranus “will make close aspects to Mr. Trump’s natal Mars,” she wrote, “this will be a power surge—provoking a crisis of some sort.”

    Yeah. Trump. Uranus. Sounds about right.

    • Who would have ever thought that planets and moons could get involved in politics?

      What’s next? Venus running for office?

  • eyelashviper
  • ahughes798

    I am psyched for the eclipse. Totality will be in Southern Illinois, and up here in Northern Illinois it will be 85%, which will be as close to totality as I probably will ever see.

    • puredog

      I suspect you have heard this elsewhere, but I have seen eclipses both total and not. THEY ARE TOTALLY DIFFERENT (so to speak). If you can steal a car or crawl, you really must get yourself into the path of totality. An “85% eclipse” is, really, about as exciting as a cloudy day. Totality, on the other hand, can change your life. I know that sounds overly dramatic, but (as the Men’s Wearhouse might say) “I guarantee it.”

      • ahughes798

        We’ll probably take a ride down there on the day of. It’s not that far away.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    Interior secretary Zinke tries to downplay his threat to the State of Alaska by saying “some people consider the Moon a threat”.

    Background: I suspect he watched an episode of Cosmos once. You see, the Moon is moving away from the Earth at 3.5cm/year, so this means in simulations where everything else remains constant, the probability of an Earth-Moon collision is high in about 65 billion years.

    Of course, the Earth will be uninhabitable in 3 billion years or less, and the Sun goes supernova in 4-5 billion years, so the Earth-Moon collision in 65 billion years is nothing to worry about.

  • SisterArtemis

    PNW Wonkers – are you in the loop?

    Our next potluck drinky will be on August 12th in Lebanon, Oregon (southeast of Portland, northeast of Eugene). It’s an early-afternoon to early evening affair, at a Wonker’s home. Because of that location, further details are being handled on the down-low. I’ve set up a Sekret Chat Porch for handling the details elsewhere, rather than here where every Tom, Dick and Troll can see it.
    If you want to come to the gathering, just reply to this non-comment, and I’ll take it from there, though because of my work schedule, it may take a few hours. Pay attention to your Disqus notifications, I will contact you by replying to one of your old posts. And if you don’t track notifications, learn how! (I can help with that too.)

    • CindyinEncinitas

      I wanna do this in San Diego. Sister, share your Sekrit nolledge with me.

      • SisterArtemis

        Will do! For starters, watch your Disqus notifications – I’m going to get you a contact email.

  • eyelashviper

    Coati babies…..ooooooooohhhhh, can I haz one, or two?

  • Bitter Scribe

    As far as I can tell, Maduro has become just another murderous dictator.

    • I wouldn’t say dictator yet – but certainly authoritarian bozo not dissimilar to Trump or Erdogan. He is to the Venezuelan revolution what Stalin was to the Russian one, and I say this as someone who generally admired Hugo Chavez.

  • calliecallie

    Florida Man did something sensible for a change? Go figure.

  • calliecallie

    Thank goodness that baby coati made it back alive. For almost 4 minutes, that video really flew by.

  • Donkey Option

    To clarify the Qatar/Saudi issue: This is bigger than Qatar. Saudi Arabia decides how many pilgrims from which countries are allowed in for the Hajj every year. This means, if your country pisses off the Saudis, then you may not be allowed to participate in one of the most holy and mandatory aspects of your religion. The rest of the Muslim world are on various points of this, but most think it is at least some amount of bullshit. Specifically, the hajj is supposed to equalize all Muslims, every pilgrim is supposed to be treated equally no matter where they’re from or how much money they have. But the Saudi’s are not following that, and it really upsets a lot of people. Qatar isn’t (but probably many Qataris are) pushing the have the Hajj removed from the control from Saudi Arabia to make it truly neutral for all who would attend, although they don’t think it’s a bad idea. Since Saudi Arabia can keep people from countries they’re pissed at from being allowed to visit these sites, it’s really risky to piss them off.

    • The country which is pushing hardest to have the Muslim holy cities put under international administration of all Muslim countries, and thus depriving the House of Saud of valuable leverage and pilgrim-gouging privileges is… Iran. And now you know valuable backstory for when those two theocracies are accusing each other of the terrorisms.

  • The Librarian

    Jeb Hensarling (R-Dumbfuck): “Orwellian-named Consumer Financial Protection Bureau.” Um, obviously hasn’t read Orwell since this agency is the exact opposite of Orwell’s creepy agencies in 1984. Mis-information or stupidity, why not both?

    • SDGeoff3

      I’m going with both.

    • Lesser Tiffany

      Fun fact I lived in Wigan for a while which was the target of The Road to Wigan Pier which was all about exposing labor abuses in the early 20th century so these republican dumbfucks really do a piss poor job of understanding Orwell’s legacy all around. (The locals hate it. Also that I lived there is only because I hadn’t heard of it before. They actually have a pub called The Orwell.)

      • The Librarian

        Is the pub all creepy and depressing inside?

  • Manhattan123

    The guy who’s divorcing his wife because she takes selfies with Trump should get together with Mrs. The Mooch.

    • Bill Diaz

      Wife Swap! (Except that the Fl dude doesnt want crotchfruit and Mrs Mooch comes with 2 Moochlings)

      Have a great day!

  • Lesser Tiffany
  • Marla

    Ryan’s criminal intentions of looting the Treasury makes the Trump Criminal Family Enterprise look like they actually have morals.

  • andyshelt

    Also on John Oliver’s return was this little gem about Scaramucci’s rant which perfectly skewered just how far from normal we are at the moment.

    “Leave it to Gayle King on CBS this morning to cut right to the chase……
    ……She’s talking to Bob Schieffer and nothing in his half-century of Edward R Murrow award-winning journalism could have prepared him for the question, ‘Does the idea of Steve Bannon sucking his own cock make you angry or sad?’”

    https://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2017/jul/31/john-oliver-donald-trump-late-night-television

  • Khavrinen

    “people who aren’t large pharmaceutical corporations, banks, or corporations with deep pockets.”

    Yeah, right, like Paul Ryan would consider anyone outside those categories to be “people”.

  • Khavrinen

    “Republican leaders are becoming nervous that they might not actually do anything while they control the House, Senate and White House, so they’re just blaming everything on Trump.”

    Behold, the “Party of Personal Responsibility.”

  • Carpe Vagenda

    At least Reince can always count on a little intimate reputation massage from Politico

    By firing him, Trump has severed a critical connection to his own party—not simply to major donors and GOP congressional leaders, but to the unruly, broader constellation of conservative-affiliated organizations and individuals that Priebus had spent five years corralling. He was effortlessly tagged as an “establishment” figure—inevitably, given his title atop the party—but Priebus was a specialist at coalition-building. He convened regular meetings as RNC chairman with influential players in the conservative movement, picking their brains and taking their temperatures on various issues. That continued as chief of staff: Priebus spoke by phone with prominent activists, such as the Family Research Council’s Tony Perkins, at least once a week. There is a meeting scheduled at the White House this Wednesday of the Conservative Action Project—an umbrella group that brings together leaders from across the right—and Priebus was planning to attend. It was this kind of systematic outreach that made Priebus, whatever his flaws as a West Wing manager, an essential lieutenant for Trump.

    Y’all. He was going to attend a meeting.

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