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We can't absolutely rule out the possibility this email was just our future self trolling us. Makes you think, huh?
Also, please write more time-loop stories. You can never have too many time-loop stories!

We have some good old-fashioned email for you today, Wonkers. With so much communication shifting to texts and the Twitters, we’re simply delighted that “Jacob” took the time to send a sincere, personally-crafted message from his outbox to Yr Editrix’s inbox. It’s a testament to the disappearing art of the email rant. The heading is the same as today’s headline (you don’t mess with perfection), and the text reads thusly:

You guys still pretend anyone but your friends and family read your mediocre shit?

The quality of writing is almost equal to that of my high school newspaper. It’s so obvious that Dr Cuck is just happy to be there with all the promiscuous young “feminists”. (Rebecca sure does look like the typical, miserable Secularist Leftist hag though!:)

Keep fighting the good fight in between cashing those welfare checks Dr. Fat and Rebecca Skankopf! (Thank God Trump is going to make you work for your welfare!)

There’s just so much to love about this email, from the smiley at the end of the subject heading, to the boilerplate warning that Donald Trump is going to make us get off our welfare-taking asses and make us work for once in our lives. As everyone knows, one of the first bills Barack Obama signed was the Welfare For Leftish Bloggers Act, which guaranteed that all progressive mommybloggers would be guaranteed a government check, to be supplemented with additional covert grants from George Soros. (Contrary to popular myth, however, the Illuminati provide only a dictatorial party line that we must follow, but no funding, the cheap lousy bastard overlords.) That must be why we’re always asking our readers for donations, after finally deciding to stop selling ads, which was just a cover anyway, seeing as how writing isn’t work. If there were really a market for jokes about politics, surely SNL would have included a fake newscast since 1975.

And those insults! “Miserable Secularist Leftist hag!” We can attest to this: Rebecca is simply one of the most mirthless, unhappy people in the world. At least until she’s had her coffee. Almost as good as a high-school newspaper? That’s… original, you bet. Mind you, if high school newspapers are writing like Yr Wonkette now, then high school administrators have really gotten a lot more permissive than we thought they were. (Actually, some of them are pretty awesome).

Ah, but the true genius here is “Dr. Cuck” and “Rebecca Skankopf!” — we both briefly considered changing our names in homage. Or at least launching a comic book (Netflix adaptation to come later) called “The Adventures of Skankopf and Dr. Cuck,” about welfare-dependent bloggers who roam the country in a van, lying about Donald Trump until they’re brought to justice by the Pepe Police and made to actually work for a living. Sorry, Evan, Jacob didn’t come up with an amusing nickname for you, so you’ll be a minor character at most, at least until Jacob notices you. Decision’s out of our hands. As for “Dr. Fat,” we’re not thrilled — true, Yr Dok Zoom is not svelte, but that one felt like an afterthought.

The line about “Dr. Cuck” merely being here to hang out with all the promiscuous young “feminists,” however, is a filthy lie. For one thing, there’s not actually a Wonkette office, only a Sekrit Chat Cave, so there’s even less there here than in Oakland. For another, I will happily testify under oath that all my virtue-signalling is directed at my employer, because I am here not to win points with all those young feminists, but with Yr Editrix. I’m pretty sure “shameless sycophant” is somewhere in my contract, as is a brief bio of Waylon Smithers.

Ah, but there was more! Rebecca sent Jacob a brief thank-you note saying “lololol — thanks buddy, needed a pickmeup this morning :)” And she received a reply!

You’re welcome buddy. Keep turning in those high school essays like you’re a real journalist!

Also, why do you think it is that there are no real female, chess grandmasters? I’m curious to hear the stinky, feminist perspective ;)

Maybe Dr Zoom can chime in with the fat, flabby, self-hating, cuck perspective…

Another masterpiece of the genre! Dumb women don’t play chess, so why should they vote? Or something. But hey, I was challenged to weigh in (with quite a bit of weight!) on the question, so I googled it. Best answer appears to be that women just aren’t into chess. In fact, a 2006 study found that, at the novice level, boys and girls drop out of pursuing chess at equal rates, and “in locales where at least 50% of the new young players are girls, their initial ratings are not lower than those of boys.” The authors conclude there’s no innate chess-unworthiness in ladybrains; rather, the relatively small number of women grandmasters simply reflects the smaller number of women who play chess.

God, I am such a cuck. I went and spent a few minutes looking stuff up instead of challenging Jacob to a duel. As everyone knows, research is a fundamentally feminized response to unanswered questions. It’s the last refuge of the self-hating.

Rebecca wrote back to “Jacob,” citing personal experience (just like a woman would):

I don’t know, I’m actually a very poor chess player. Are you a grand master? That’s so cool! Nice!

“Jacob’s” reply was a genuine surprise:

Now I feel bad. Demonizing each other isn’t fun! (After your little Two Minutes Hate for me though, I felt I had to respond from well within the safety of Trump’s America, for the glory of the Republic and all the moral, indigenous patriots out there listening to Hannity and Rush every day!:)

That was a pretty quick reversal from the confident trolling tone of the first two messages! We have no idea what “Two Minutes Hate” we incited against Jacob; Rebecca asked, but received no reply, we don’t see any “Jacobs” in recent editions of Dear Shitferbrains, and none have been banhammered lately. Or maybe it was all the Orwellian attacks we’ve unleashed on Donald Trump and other “indigenous patriots” lately, so he felt he needed to defend himself and His People? We suppose, since we had his email address, we could have written to ask “Jacob,” but Rebecca’s “Which Two Minutes Hate did we do of you, Jacob?” didn’t get a reply. Plus, that would be an awful lot like doing “research.” Or even “work,” which might cause us to lose our welfare.

In any case, we’re willing to feel a little more kindly toward “Jacob” for realizing that once he started interacting with the miserable secular leftist hag, he had trouble keeping the vitriol going — or got bored, maybe? Did he actually start to realize he was talking to people, not a mere cartoon of a leftist? Yr Dok Zoom is a cynical old old cuck, so we’re unsure how sincere that “I feel bad. Demonizing each other isn’t fun!” actually was — perhaps that was still more trolling, meant to fool the gullible liberals? Reality is difficult these days. “Jacob,” if you’re reading, go ahead and drop us a line.

Or not; we’re awfully busy undermining America’s morality and hating ourselves, you know.

Yr Wonkette is supported by reader contributions; please to throw us money using the “Donate” linky below, because Uncle Sugar just isn’t sending us the welfare checks like he used to.

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  • Cinder Biscuits

    Hi

  • II Gosala

    Indigenous American patriots support trump? Somehow I don’t think so, but being hyper masculine I don’t do research.

  • JMP

    Are the idiots who think “cuck” is a cromulent insult ever going to realize that all they’re doing is proving that they’re morons who immediately show that their opinions are worthless?

    Wait, people still use “Social Justice Warrior” and “Political Correctness” as insults, so probably never.

    • I’ve had men offer, practically beg, to watch me have sex with well-endowed men so that the male offering could have his Cuckold Fantasy.

      As I told the latest one – “if I had two Gorgeous Black men in bed with me, what in the world do I need *you* there for”.

      These racist Assholes can take their dehumanizing fantasies and choke on them. With Votes.

    • That’s exactly what I would expect a common yiprar to say. (I hope you feel properly chastised after being called a word I made up and that doesn’t really mean anything outside my circle of idiots.)

      • JMP

        At least it’s not a term you borrowed from porn which manages to give away that you’re filled with insane racialized sexual paranoia.

  • Skaarphy

    There is a German saying “Als Tiger gestartet, als Bettvorleger gelandet.”, meaning “Jumped as a tiger, landed as a bedside rug.”
    Yeah, so sad …

    • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

      I love this.

  • Les Appentis De la résistance

    The Illuminati would not be the insanely rich bastards that they are if they sponsored every website that was kissing their asses. Basic economics.

    • I dunno. George Soros is pretty rich, and he pays for literally every anti-GOP sentiment everywhere.

      • Les Appentis De la résistance

        Soros is an Illuminati wannabe.

  • Cinder Biscuits

    Are there any fake female chess grandmasters? Like, women who pretend they are chess grandmasters but it is not so and they just use that line to get monies and drinks?

    • To quote the great Sean Connery – “Who would claim to be that, who was not?”

      I can play chess, I am not rated or anything. It’s not exactly a hot topic of conversation at the Club, as I’m sure you can imagine.

      • Cinder Biscuits

        Reversi is more fun, but I guess if chess is the only option and my phone has a low battery…

        • I don’t know what Reversi is. In my old wargaming group we would sometimes play Kreigspiel, or double-blind Chess w/ a referee.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        I had an upstairs neighbor I used to play chess with. He was a Vietnam vet, and they used to pass the time in foxholes playing chess. He once beat me in three moves.

        • Wow. :)

          When I played everyday, I could think 3 moves ahead, and I tend to open conservatively, Castling King-side ASAP.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      I bet Jacob knows for a fact that women wouldn’t do that because they can get money and drinks with their breasts.

  • JMP

    Um, moron, there’s no patriots listening to Rush and Hannity every day; those are people who support Trump, meaning that they are anti-American.

  • Ezio

    “The quality of writing is almost equal to that of my high school newspaper. It’s so obvious that Dr Cuck..” https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/94e11229190dca2455670f511b6ee1a1ad0a3a1e76ae0e0c3f02f83cec168325.jpg

  • Me not sure

    If one was allowed to play chess naked and move the pieces around with….nah, I’m going to rise above this low humor.
    https://youtu.be/rgc_LRjlbTU

    • JMP

      A song that’s fun, except for the really weird part where they use that strange, old-timey slur “oriental”, which really takes you out of the song. Of course, my parents still use that word, and refuse to believe me when I tell them that it’s offensive, or that it’s also only used by people who are extremely old and out-of-touch, and is basically the equivalent of “negro”. They’re Baby Boomers and just can’t learn.

      • That bothers me as well. I can overlook Murray Head’s use as a product of the time the song was written more easily. People copying him, not-so-much.

        Similarly, I love “Money For Nothin'” by DireStraits, but you wouldn’t believe the number of “liberal” “friends” – all Straight – I have encountered that think it’s edgy to use the word “Faggot” around me because it was in that song.

        • JMP

          I can’t listen to that song anymore thanks to that word.

        • Werewolf

          I’ve heard a newer version with “maggot” substituted.

      • Me not sure

        Written by Swedes, at that. Bjorn and Benny from ABBA wrote it. Fucking occidentals.

      • rebecca

        it was the ’70s though. ‘Asian’ wasn’t in vogue yet was it?

      • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

        Baby Boomer here. People of all ages and generations “can’t learn” if they are closed-minded, lazy, disinterested, intellectually incurious, myopic.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    I like dryer sheets.

  • P’jama Pahnts
    • Marion in Savannah

      I’m telling you, that “John Smith” guy must be rich as Croesus. He travels all over the place voting…

    • doktorzoom

      Oh, hey, it’s by this guy, who’s a big fan of bogus stats! And wouldn’t you know it, the “research” he cites this time is from the “Government Accountability Institute” — funded by Robert Mercer and managed by Steve Bannon. We bet they have the BEST data!

      • P’jama Pahnts

        But think of the tens of people across the country that may or may not be voting properly! Bombshell indeed!

      • Big Puppy Resists

        Call it an institute and it’s instantly credible.

        • leemoder

          I can haz Nacho Institute?

          • Big Puppy Resists

            Credible, not Edible.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Come on. Hans Spakovsky? They aren’t even trying anymore.

  • Persistent Demme

    Dammit!
    I hate having to skim this crap, just so that I can understand the (most excellent) non-comments!

  • Ezio

    I’m kinda shocked MRAs haven’t yet tried to argue that chess is sexist against men because the King is stationary while the Queen has all the power.

  • ZangoCrudmonger

    Whoah, we’re doing the Two Minutes Hate and they are “all the moral, indigenous patriots out there listening to Hannity and Rush every day!”?

    Projection turned up to 11.

    • JMP

      It’s really ridiculous when wingnuts try and quote Orwell, who was warning against right-wing authoritarianism. Of course they still try to claim him as there own; I can’t count the number of morons I’ve seen claim he was against socialism when he in fact was a socialist.

    • We’re doing the Two Minutes Hate, of course. Not the guy who wrote the unsolicited, venom-filled email.

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    He’s the one they call Dr. Cuckgood, he hates America all right

    • Mr. Blobfish

      For those about to cuck, we salute you

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    I thought the only cucks were wingnuts who didn’t support Hair Trumpler. Am I out of step with their insults now?

    • JMP

      In general, it’s an insult the white supremacists use against white people who aren’t racist.

  • memzilla Ω

    we’re awfully busy undermining America’s morality…

    I bought the deed to that undermine, and they promised me that there is at least 50 trillion quatloos worth of latinum in there!

    And speaking of Star Trek references, who would have thought that this country would have not just elected a Ferengi as president, but an INCOMPETANT Ferengi?

  • tehbaddr

    Dok! He called you a Cuck! That means he really secretly want’s you to violate him.

  • Riley Whodat Venable

    Sounds like another 🚗 Fel8er.

  • Les Appentis De la résistance

    Chicks don’t play chess because its boring they would rather be out getting laid by utility workers. They have muscles and are hot.

    • Stulexington

      Really? I thought they went for coal workers, which is why there’s a big push to bring coal jobs back.

    • ziggywiggy

      Yes those utility workers are sexy, some of us chicks like a strong woman.

  • You are a better human being than I am, Dok. I feel no kindness or regard for “Jacob” whatsoever.

    • doktorzoom

      Eh, I’m a liberal. I believe in redemption, even if it’s in teensy, itty-bitty steps.

  • Ezio

    “You guys still pretend anyone but your friends and family read your mediocre shit?”

    Well, you seem to care about our opinions enough to spend the time to craft this diatribe about it.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      “Speak Friend And Enter”

  • Libby liberal

    I think this is MRAspeak for a woman beat him in chess and then refused to have sex with him.

    • eyelashviper

      Or just ignored him in the coffee shop.

      • Vincent Ricola

        Do they call the waiting room in Call of Duty the “coffee shop”?

    • SnarkON

      The Queen’s Gambit.

      • therblig

        Cambridge Springs, PA – where Gary, the Prison Poodle was socialized, is also famous among chess folks for the Queen’s Gambit Declined, Cambridge Springs Defense

        “The first recorded use of the Cambridge Springs was by Emanuel Lasker in 1892. The name derives from a 1904 tournament in Cambridge Springs, Pennsylvania in which the defense was used several times. Practitioners of the opening have included Efim Bogoljubov, Vasily Smyslov, Garry Kasparov, and Magnus Carlsen.”

        https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Queen%27s_Gambit_Declined,_Cambridge_Springs_Defense

  • Les Appentis De la résistance

    At least Dok isn’t a libtard

  • tehbaddr

    “the safety of Trump’s America, for the glory of the Republic and all the moral, indigenous patriots out there listening to Hannity and Rush every day!”

    By this, he means his mom’s basement.

    • Ezio

      I find it very ironic when white libertarian guys use the word “Indigenous” when referring to Americans. As if they haven’t been demonizing actual lndigenous Americans.

      • tehbaddr

        Yeah right, not clear on the meaning is he?

  • SnarkON

    I think demonizing each other is a blast.

    • Stulexington

      better than cannonizing each other.

      • doktorzoom

        Let’s just not start Martinizing each other, OK?

        • SnarkON

          Fresh as a flower in just one hour?

        • Would you believe it was Turtle Wax?

          • PubOption

            If we are discussing what makes McConnell slippery, then yes.

        • Querolous

          Martini-izing is OK.

  • Vincent Ricola

    Gee, it almost sounds like Jacob Scaramucci is self-projecting all over Dok.

    • doktorzoom

      My impression was that he self-projects on his own shoulder:

      https://twitter.com/paleofuture/status/890992882517135361

      • FlemmishSpy

        Drinking problem.

      • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

        Is this after getting kicked out by his wife?

        “I don’t need you! All I need is this water bottle, this Washington ID card, this paddle ball game, and this chair”

      • Ghenghis McCann

        I remember “self projecting” on my own shoulder. I was thirteen. and lying on my bed. (Let’s just ignore the other thing I was doing, OK?)

  • tehbaddr

    He missed the opportunity to use FemiNazi.

    • Ezio

      “Stop calling everyone who disagrees with you a Nazi!” -People who have spent the last decade calling feminists feminazis.

  • OrG

    REALLY? Wingnuts are using chess grandmasters as the paragon of manliness now? HAHA! What a bunch of cucks!

  • Ricky Gay

    Have you seen the new Cuck-edition chess sets? It’s just white pawns and a bunch of huge black knights. –Oh, and a queen with unrealistic boobs.

    • willi0000000

      . . . and a tiny king who isn’t allowed to play, only watch.

  • SnarkON

    OK, real questions about the concept of the cuck. There’s a whole group of people who seem to think there are, in real life, lots of sad white men who get off on watching their wives get fucked by black guys. This makes me wonder: Who are the black guys who do the wife-fucking? Is there some place white couples go to pick up interested black guys? Do the black guys advertise on Craigslist? Or is this a specialized category of prostitution? It’s just really confusing.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      I think they hang out with unicorns and fairies.

    • JMP

      Also, if these guys get off on it, then they’re not actually sad, are they?

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Dial “C” for Cuck

      • Ghenghis McCann

        The last unpublished novel by Agatha Christie.

        • PubOption

          The one in which the butler actually did it?

          • Ghenghis McCann

            No, the one where he was the victim. Bet you didn’t see that coming?

    • Charon_69

      I think less ‘get off on’, rather ‘can’t satisfy their wife and have no backbone so are forced to’ is the premise?

    • Mavenmaven

      It is what happens when inbred young white folks can’t differentiate between porn, comic books, and real life.

      • therblig

        that reminds me, i have to renew my subscription to “Real Life Porn Comics”.

        for the articles.

        • Celtic_Gnome

          I only read it for the interviews.

    • TJ Barke

      It’s just a really stupid racist metaphor. Basically it means wanting your country to do anything good for anyone besides yourself and your race. Because these people are basically nazis.

      • willi0000000

        you and your fucking facts . . . don’t you ever get tired of them?

  • folderol

    I’d be envious of all the government monies you get (along with Russian mobster rubles), if not for the sizeable income I make posting comments to mommyblogs. I’m sure everyone here can sympathize.

    • HorseChestnut

      It’s how Lori got her Brand New Land Rover Range Rover, I heard.

  • eyelashviper

    SAD! Jacob, no one hates you, you have no “there there”, and are less meaningful than the life span of a gnat in the forest.

    • TJ Barke

      Hey now, the gnat was probably at least food for something.

  • therblig

    OT (maybe), but Walter Tevis (who wrote “The Huster”, “The Color of Money”, and “The Man Who Fell to Earth”) wrote a book about a female chess grandmaster – “The Queen’s Gambit”. Although it’s been years since I’ve read it, I remember it as being pretty good.

    According to the wiki, it was going to be a film starring Ellen Page and directed by Heath Ledger.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Queen%27s_Gambit_(novel)

    • Villago Delenda Est

      A pity that will never happen.

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    That’s all you’ve got, Dok? The tremendousness of the week must have just stunned them all, ya think?…

    • Bill Diaz

      I am going to make a horrible non-dick joke. The reason there arent any posts worthy of distinction is that those particular ‘muses’ are quite busy plugging holes in the White House dyke. They are busier than groupies at a Melissa Etheridge show.

      The ‘shitposters’ have such a long list of targets to attack and rebuttals of fact to make, that they dont have time to call us communist lesbians ‘losers’.

      Watching morally deficient creatures getting whooped on by witty bon vivants is my guilty pleasure. If Dorothy Parker was still alive, she would be here. We may have reached ‘Peak Stupidity’. Who would have thought that Trump would be the one to prove that stupidity does have constraining limits.

      Have a great day!

  • IdiokraticDrumpfenResistance

    Jacob, everybody knows when you get to the grandmaster level you have to be able to move the chess pieces around with your dick.

  • TJ Barke

    You’re a sad cuck, Jacob.

  • folderol

    why do you think it is that there are no real female, chess grandmasters?

    Judit Polgar. A world-class grandmaster back in her day (not that long ago). There are plenty of females that would kick is girly ass over the board, and then maybe also with votes.

    • Ghenghis McCann

      Shh, don’t tell him that, or he’ll just kick over the board.

  • Reximus
    • doktorzoom

      OMG! Add a U and a C and you get Louis CUCK!!!!!

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        How much more obvious do they have to be???? WAKE UP, SHEEPLE!1!!!1!!

    • handyhippie65

      what the fuck is that?

      • JMP

        Another indication that some racist morons have completely lost it, and moved from using “cuck” as a ridiculous insult against white people who are not (or are insufficiently) racist to actually believing there’s a wide-ranging conspiracy to propagandize the cuckold lifestyle in order to create the extinction of the white race.

        This is what alt-righters actually believe.

        • Reximus

          THIS

        • Ghenghis McCann

          Or is it just the Pron they prefer fapping to?

          • willi0000000

            i think the problem is the prions, not the pr0n.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Nailed it. Maladjusted little shits who can’t get laid, because they go out of their way to make themselves as unattractive to women as they possibly can.

        • handyhippie65

          and that is why we can’t have nice things.

      • Ghenghis McCann

        Somebody who hasn’t been taking their medication?

      • Mavenmaven

        Future high school shooters.

    • JMP

      It’s still not quite as insane as this:

      http://i2.wp.com/www.wehuntedthemammoth.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/starwarscuckballCensored2900.png

      (and thanks to We Hunted the Mammoth for both pointing this out, and creating a version of it with that’s safe for work with the porn images whited out)

      • Oh, fuck my life. So Rey is not only taking Role Models away from males, she is simultaneously advocating for Interracial love as a preference?

        Dehumanizing stereotypes is a real issue for those of us that date PoC. It’s not about “preference”, it’s about chemistry and attraction, at least for me it is, but it can be a minefield at times.

        • Teecha

          And this crap also suggests that the only reason a white woman could want a black man is because of the size of his penis. Nothing else about him matters.

          It really is an appalling insight into the psyche of these fuckwits.

          • This. It’s an ugly stereotype all around.

            The best, most fun sex partners I’ve known were a Bisexual Black man, and a Latina Lesbian. They were both younger, fun, experienced, and generous. I had instant chemistry with each, and we had fun and didn’t worry about anything else.

      • Teecha

        That’s a person who doesn’t understand what ‘conditioning’ means.
        And who is a complete tosser.

    • Teecha

      BBC? What’s the Beeb got to do with the price of fish?

    • ChiefOfStaffCaptainHowdy

      That has a certain slight suspicious resemblance to MS Paint Adventures.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    All are to praise Leader Trump and glorious new indigenous regime of week.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    I find it an encouraging sign that the worst that was thrown at us this week was a dribbling semi-rant about cucks and welfare queens. If their Fuhrer were having the glorious reign they surely imagined for him, the crowing and preening would likely be unbearable. Instead, since he’s shown himself less competent than your average teenaged babysitter, they all seem to be suddenly busy elsewhere (maybe stockpiling canned goods against the inevitable downfall of civilization?).

    • willi0000000

      they aren’t very bright . . . they’re stockpiling spooge against a possible future shortage.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Dr Cuck is just happy to be there with all the promiscuous young “feminists”.

    http://s2.quickmeme.com/img/3d/3d2efa61bf46272e0bab96cea527ab12f5a3c0800e6d1223242aed0a8785a1ac.jpg

  • handyhippie65

    indigenous patriots? so, he’s a native american too? mebbe he’s jacob shitting frog.

  • chascates

    I’ve lost the desire to offer witty rejoinders to these clods. From now on I suggest replying to all trolls with a simple “No, FUCK YOU!”

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Rebecca is simply one of the most mirthless, unhappy people in the world. At least until she’s had her coffee.

    Say, you know who else is one of the most mirthless, unhappy people in the world until she’s had her coffee?

    • Anna Elizabeth? No, she drinks tea.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Sister Mary Elephant?

    • Major_Major_Major

      Anne Coulter? Hahaha, no, she is mirthless even after her coffee. Sad

    • Doug Langley

      Captain Janeway?

    • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

      Me?

    • doktorzoom
      • TJ Barke
        • Kiri the Unicorn

          Why not both?

        • doktorzoom

          I am very disappointed that the show hasn’t ported Wheat Grass and Flax Seed from the comics into the series. They could all hang out in a commune and make organic goods.

          Hilarity ensues when columnist Maureen Plowed accidentally buys a “special” brownie. (Pinkie Pie, on the other hand, eats a whole plate of the things and simply bounces a bit slower)

          • TJ Barke

            I wish I lived on a commune making organic goods…

    • HazooToo

      AOUK!

    • PubOption

      Melania?

    • JMP

      Me in the past, until I had to give up on coffee thanks to my stomach problems?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      A friend of mine is unapproachable before his morning espresso.

    • Mavenmaven

      All of them, Katie?

    • OrG

      Peggy Noonan? HAHA! Just kidding.

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      *raises hand*

    • nightmoth

      I can’t get to my coffee maker at the moment because my husband is in there going through ALL our camping food with it spread out on every counter and he doesn’t know it yet but I’m getting real close to braining him with a can of pork & beans.

      • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

        Quick, grab the coffee maker and take it into another room to make your coffee.

        • nightmoth

          Ha! He left the kitchen for a couple of minutes to see why the dog was barking (nothing, as usual) and I have done as you said and am even now listening to the soothing sound of the coffee maker!

  • This fucker says “Promiscuous Young Feminists” like that’s a bad thing. I adore PYF, because I am a Promiscuous Cougar Bisexual Feminist.

    I wonder if all Slut-shaming, from whichever Gender, is just jealousy?

    • MizzMazz

      I’ve been called a slut. I boil it down to having more and better sex than they are.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        This explains Phyllis Schaffley.

      • I agree. Jealous of my legs, or jealous of my sex life.

      • Ghenghis McCann

        Going back about thirty years: A friend of mine told me that one of his workmates had said to him; “Do you think women enjoy sex as much as men? If they do, and if I was a woman, I think I’d be a slut.” We had no words.

        • MizzMazz

          Yeah, what do you even say to that? I never got the whole slut vs stud thing.

          • Ghenghis McCann

            I’ve wondered about the whole male “spreading his seed” thing. If you’re a woman you know the baby is yours. You know your genes are going to be passed on. The promiscuous man has to hope that, possibly, somewhere, his genes might be out there.

    • Bill Diaz

      Slut shaming is a ridiculous and horrible idea. I am not only the President of Slut Club, I am also a client. It is a strange feeling having a beautiful young daughter and realizing that she is very much her mother’s daughter, lol (father’s as well). We banned the term slut from the house, the proper designation being ‘Generous Person’.

      Time, affection, concern and contact are all valuable commodities and those who share them should be admired and respected for their philanthropy rather than vilified. The word crept in because we went to every ‘Slut Walk’ and BLT-G thing there was (I love BLTs and adding guacamole to one makes it better, try it!).

      It was easier being in Burlington probably, but I was still perversely proud of my son when he bailed on Boy Scouts because of the refusal to accept gays.

      The old joke (from high school in late 70’s) was ‘What is the difference between a slut and a bitch? A slut bangs everyone, a bitch bangs everyone BUT you’.

      Generosity is a renewable resource greatly needed at this and all times. We have among us people who are the human equivalent of solar power, but we also have those among us who hate what they cant monetize.

      Have a great day!

    • Teecha

      I reckon it is jealousy. Of the quantity and quality of the sex and also of someone who is secure in their own body and accepts and acts on their own desires.
      I really enjoyed my stud days when I was younger. I never heard anyone call me a slut, but I think Britain was less puritanical about sex in the 90s- we were still being pragmatic because of AIDS.

      • Safe, Sane,Consensual – that’s my motto. America has spent far too many years paying for the Puritan’s insanity.

        The USA loves violence and hates Sex, at least as Word-of-Mouth would have it.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    I came to read with friends and family, but I stay for the dick jokes.

  • anon_the_great

    For one to whine about high school journalism his insults sure are are elementary

    • FlemmishSpy

      Sophomoric humor, for sure.

    • BloviateMe

      He’s like school in summer, no class.

  • BloviateMe

    I love how quickly Rebecca defanged this guy, saying so little to do it.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      This is why Donna Rose will go far; good genes.

    • handyhippie65

      that’s why we pay her the big bucks.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    If these here Proud Boys would just rub one out now and then they wouldn’t have so much pent up anger.

    • You know, many people are saying that part of the Proud Boys initiation rituals is they have to do the ol’ circle jerk onto a cookie contest, where the last one to finish must “eat it in the name of honor.” It’s ok because a woman, probably someone’s mom has to be present. Many people are talking about this.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    OT update on my shooty-shooty-bang-bang neighbor from yesterday:
    I have another neighbor who’s a cop in another city; I texted him the wording of the post. His first question (before he read it) was whether she had described the “subject” breaking into the cars.
    DUDE. That was not the point. SMH
    Anyway, shooty neighbor took the post down. I guess she thinks now she’s free to shoot anybody she wants since there’s no longer ‘proof’ she was planning murder. Too bad for her that I screen-shotted the original.
    (OT within the OT: My computer is questioning “screen-shotted” and so am I.)

    • TheGrandWazoo2

      I think the past tense is screen shat.

    • FlemmishSpy

      It happens.

    • HazooToo

      Jesus fucking christ, I just read the thing in your comment history. What the actual fuck does she have in her car that is worth KILLING SOMEONE for?!

      • Major_Major_Major

        The Rick Astley and Nickelback box sets?

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        IDK, but that was my comment on her post: breaking into cars is reprehensible, but it’s not a death-penalty offense. Dolt 45 has unleashed the ugly id in a lot of his followers. Sigh.

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      Is your neighbor’s car made of gold?

      (My compulsion to edit everything I see compels me to say that the proper construction is “took a screen-shot of…”)

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        I think she must be keeping her meth lab in there, which is the only explanation I can come up with.

  • Mary Theresa

    So, in order to collect welfare, I have to apply to Wonkette for a jerb? Count me in.

  • Remember the good ol’ days, when it was all about vegan baby butt holes? I miss that…

    • Major_Major_Major

      And the yodeling. God yes, the yodeling… Take me back to those halcyon days.

    • JMP

      What about the cedar cheese and cakes we like?

      • PubOption

        There are a lot of new posters. They wooden remember that.

    • eggs ackly-wright

      Never forget the Great Brazilian Invasion of yore. KKKKKKK

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    I felt I had to respond from well within the safety of Trump’s America

    A territory that is getting smaller by the day, now that you mention it:


    TRUMP’S APPROVAL RATING ALMOST 30 POINTS WORSE THAN BILL CLINTON’S DURING THE MONICA LEWINSKY SCANDAL

    Hope you’ve got an exit strategy, Jacob!

    • Raan

      It’s a rapidly shrinking safe space from reality.

  • Major_Major_Major

    Oh yeah, leftist libtarts. Answer me this then, why are there no {insert irrelevant cherry picked stat here}? Whaddaya say to that?

    • bbayliss

      HILLARY!

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      BENGHAZI!

  • CaliCheeseSucks

    These delusional morons will still be screaming “MAGA” in 2021, when their lives are none the better (and probably worse, since blaming people isn’t ever going to pay their bills) and their hero is nothing but an orange shitstain on American history.

    • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

      MAGA: Morons Are Governing America

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Well, that explains why we all need to arm ourselves with M1911s…

        (this is a very obscure reference)

        • BloviateMe

          Did you have one as a sidearm in the service?

          • Villago Delenda Est

            I did. Had a shoulder holster for it.

          • BloviateMe

            I’m jealous. They didn’t trust most of us AF guys with guns. Only nukes.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    The problem with Dear-Shit-Fer-Brains is that all these clowns are non sharp spoons in the drawer.

    (ignites lightsaber)

    Shooting fish in a barrel, it is. So unsporting, so uncivilized.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Are you interested in coming to the Wonkette Drinky-Eaty Thing on the 12th? I’m trying to make sure people have the address.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Is it going to be in Eugene? Like five blocks away from me at The Bier Stein?

        • Kiri the Unicorn

          No, I’m hosting it here at my place in Lebanon! We have a secret handshake and everything!

      • rebecca

        whoss is then?

        • Kiri the Unicorn

          I’m hosting a potluck on the 12th, here at my home in Lebanon, which is a wretched hive of scum and villainy, farthest from the bright center of the galaxy.

        • Ω cynmac will never surrender

          Contact @SisterArtemis:disqus by email, @RSchoenkopf:disqus. We have a private chatroom for organizing drinky things in private locations, not restaurants or bars or parks.

          • SisterArtemis

            I sent her an invite. Thanks.

  • Raan

    So, according to Jacob, I am Rebecca’s friend.

    I’m fine with this.

  • Sedagive ’em Hell

    I am also, too a Leftist, Secularist hag who isn’t very good at (and doesn’t really care for) chess. A good Leftist, Secularist hag friend who also, too isn’t good at chess has a daughter who is very, very good at chess and she has won a whole bunch of matches against loser boys who let a girl beat them because they must be cucks-in-training. She is going to compete on a national level because Wonder Woman made her gay or something.

    Yay!

    • bbayliss

      My definately female daughter, who is a girl, is at a Math conference in Chicago, presenting her undergraduate research, something called “Investigating Mathematical Properties of Neural Codes.” I know, right?
      Something to do with using math to predict predisposition to disease or something to save people’s lives, or something.
      It ain’t chess but it is something else I don’t really understand, so it must be good.

      • Sedagive ’em Hell

        Oh wow – that sounds like something the world actually needs.

        Congratulations!

        • bbayliss

          She’s amazing.

  • bbayliss

    “Demonizing each other isn’t fun!”
    How many profitable industries are?
    The textile industry isn’t loaded with yucks, but it is at least necessary.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    “I feel bad. Demonizing each other isn’t fun!” = “Aw shit, I’ve run out of pithy insults!”

    • JMP

      Aw, poor baby can dish it out, but can’t take it?

    • HazooToo

      “Stinky was the best I had, because I am 12”

  • TJ Barke

    It doesn’t quite count as “being there” with promiscuous you feminists over the internet…

  • Mavenmaven

    Tell that to Judit Polgar, one of the great chess players of our age.
    http://www.chessgames.com/portraits/juditpolgar.jpg

    • doktorzoom

      Ah, but not a real grandmaster, probably due to all the affirmative action in chess tournaments.

      • Mavenmaven

        She’s now coach of the Hungarian MEN’S team. Cucks, apparently, they are all cucks! Everyone except Milo and that other schmuck.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Seb Gorka, boy super-genius?

          • Mavenmaven

            oh, him too, I was thinking of the pizzagate loser, whose name thankfully eludes me.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        This MRA channeling, Dok, it can result in drain bamage, you know.

    • FlemmishSpy

      But would she date MRA guys?

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Date them with an “expired” stamp.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      I would not toss her out of bed for jumping my bishop with her knight.

      • starfanglednut

        She could take my queen anytime.

        • I was chatting with a female friend about Chess. It turns out she and I have both won by sacrificing the Queen and pushing through with Bishop/Rook combos. It seems to create a psychological false-advantage in the opponent’s mind to sacrifice our Queen early.

  • How’s Your Garbage Piece Of Shit Website No One Cares About? :)

    Not to spoil the ending, but from this picture…

    It looks like the bread and the butter ain’t talking to each other.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/492a25ff23c6a4426784ac0887a6e35c7c37cc08602dab90a372d43f5c636664.jpg

  • Blanche Beecham

    He seems nice. Wonder what size gimp suit Jacob wears?

    • Reximus

      X-small

  • Reximus
    • Villago Delenda Est

      The adults in the Pentagon need to do something about this.

    • TJ Barke

      Because WWIII would just be grand.

      • Reximus

        Just before the mid-terms too

      • I keep seeing Conspiracy vids on youTube where P. Craig Roberts claims the Deep State is itching to nuke Russia & China this year, and believes the USA is “safe” being ABM tech.

        Of course, P. Craig Roberts also too believes that straight Caucasian Males are the last group that are still discriminated against. I think perhaps his toast is not quite done.

        • TJ Barke

          I can’t believe the deep state would be dumb enough to risk nuclear fucking war. Only Donnie is that stupid.

        • starfanglednut

          Mmmm… Toast…

        • bupkus231

          From his Wiki bio, P. Craig Roberts sounds as deranged as Lyndon LaRouche ( and is apparently still living off his 1980’s “glory days” as an assistant to Paul Volcker when he was raising interest rates to choke off the economy inflation )

    • Major_Major_Major

      Awww, fuck it. I didn’t actually want to get all my student loans paid off.

    • The Librarian

      Thankfully, I just dumped the expired goods in my earthquake bin and refilled it with fresh stuff. Please feel free to help yourself if you find it.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      What could possibly go wrong? Two narcissistic psychopaths with nukes having a dick-measuring contest. The annihilation of South Korea and parts of Japan, you say?

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      I live within 3 miles of the CDC in Atlanta and less than 8 miles from the center of town. If there is a direct hit, I am vapor. And I’m ok with that. If the threat is otherwise, I have everything on the FEMA list except water for me and my dog. I even have a weather radio run on batteries.
      The website hasn’t been decimated yet, because TRMP admin under James Kelly who was head of Homeland Security and hence FEMA has not assigned their head of FEMA yet. Download copies of the guides now, y’all. As long as there is not an EMP, you’ll be able to access it.
      https://www.ready.gov/

    • puredog

      Good work, Donnie. Telegraph your punches so they can feverishly build their stockpile in the interim. I know there’s an old Trump tweet on point, I just can’t be bothered to look for it.

  • Lyly Sirivong

    It takes talent to put such a big amount of bullshit in so few lines. My early 2009 Imac is grateful that Wonkette doesn’t display any ads. You know who needs ads to function ? And lost 90% of its advertisers in a few weeks ? Do you know, Jacob ? I’ll help you out. It begins with a B. You should go back there. They need you.

  • The Librarian

    The minute I saw “my high school newspaper” that was the end of taking him even half way seriously. Basement dwellers don’t count in any serious conversation.

    • covfefesumgame0005

      besides if he is out of HS and still getting the “newspaper” chance are he is just “reading” it for the pics of cheerleaders or the quarterback…

      • The Librarian

        :D

  • OT – After watching a “Ten Hottest Girls in ‘Get Smart’ “video this morning, I tried another new shade of Cover Girl Lip Lava.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/405cf12d0388fb5e333eedac0ae4eb1c84257e43b6a1f1a3707ca8cde4bf5ed2.jpg

    Lip Lava 840 “Ooh La Lava”

  • Painter of Goats

    Did he (“Jacob”) actually start to realize he was talking to people, not a mere cartoon of a leftist?

    The rightwing comment sites are so filled with comments from Russian bots that a response from a living person threw him off his game.

  • Where’s the Wonkette take on Dame Peggy Noonan’s article calling Trump a whimpering fool? Is there gonna be a three-part Pullitzer feature? Because I can’t wait…

  • Ezio

    I like how many alt-righters complain about “identity politics” but also define themselves as staunch nationalists. As if nationality wasn’t a type of identity.

    • TJ Barke

      Also as white also, too.

      • therblig

        that’s why they don’t play chess – no one wants to be black.

    • jesterpunk

      The only identity politics they like is the one that involves White Christian Men. Anything else is bad.

    • Reximus

      Some white nationalists are actually referring to themselves as the ‘real’ indigenous people of N.A.

      • TJ Barke

        They should go fuck themselves up a tree and back to europe.

      • Ghenghis McCann

        That is because America was (allegedly) discovered in the 12th Century by the Welsh prince Madog ab Owain Gwynedd. When the English arrived in America, they couldn’t understand the locals, so they must have been speaking Welsh.

        • Mildred Broxon

          And even yet, the people who walked across Beringia were here before them.

  • NotALiar

    Dr. Cuck lolololol

  • Steve Cole

    You never see Trump at a chess board. Or playing bridge. Just waddling around a golf course looking for his balls.

    • Major_Major_Major

      If he didn’t look for his balls, no one else would either. Although I imagine Melon would like to tee them up with driver and swing away.

    • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

      That’s an interesting thought. It’s hard to imagine trump ever playing any kind of board or card game because he isn’t as smart or strategical as he thinks he is. Or if he did play, he’d quit as soon as he saw he was losing, probably throwing over the board before storming off.

      • MizzMazz

        But it would be fun to watch. I don’t think we should start him off with chess though. Maybe Chutes and Ladders, or Mousetrap.

        • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

          Candy Land.

      • wait! what?

        If you play Stratego against him all your pieces are Spies.

        • H0mer0

          I always wondered why if a marshall was only defeated by a spy did Marshall McCloud have a chief who was the boss of him?

    • wait! what?
  • efoveks

    Dr. Cuck and Dr. Fat… does this mean Dok has split personality or a twin? Feel free to speculate wildly!

    • doktorzoom

      We’ll never tell.

      • doktorzoom

        Neither will we!

    • HazooToo

      It’s a conjoined twin. Growing out of his left eye socket.

      • TJ Barke

        Quaid! Start the reactor!

        • wait! what?

          …and THEN free all the underage porn workers.

    • Invisible Bunyip

      I should think describing someone as Dr. Fat Cuck kind of misfires in the insult department.

  • BloviateMe

    Jacob, I grew this just for you. It’s organic.

    http://i.imgur.com/jbFCNg3.gif

    • TJ Barke

      Stolen.

    • Sedagive ’em Hell

      Sadly, not vegan.

    • OutOfOrbit

      i so hope jackub seez this

    • Steve Cole

      I would dedicate several acres to this species, even without a buyer. What are these lovely things and where can I purchase seed? Hope they like hot climates.

    • Tokays_don’t_blink

      Was lurking, but logged in just to upfist!

      • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

        Welcome, Lurker!

        • Tokays_don’t_blink

          Merci! Though to clarify, I’ve been Wonking for a while; I was just planning to read and not-comment today because I am a lazy librul taker waiting on my Sorosbux.

  • Sedagive ’em Hell

    I had dinner with my in-laws last night and I got to say the phrase “suck my own cock” out loud in public because that’s now a part of our national dialogue, brought to you by the most-moral-party-of-Christ Almighty-himself.

    Just imagine if the Obama WH had brought “suck-my-own-cock” to national attention; I’m sure the GOP would have just given it a big ol’ welcome as “Chicago swagger” or something equally glorious.

    Perhaps if Hillary’s spokesperson/Id had let rip with a zinger about Trump sucking his own cock she would have won Michigan. You can never tell with these godly types.

    • I seem to refer Fainting Couches and Hankies at Max Load when a video from AF1 surfaced with President Obama making some reference to his male member.

    • Bobathonic

      “Trying to grab ’em by the pussy while sucking your own cock” defines this “administration”.

      • Sedagive ’em Hell

        : D

    • CaliCheeseSucks

      Christ, I remember someone complaining to me ten years ago about how much they resented Bill Clinton, because it was Clinton’s fault this guy had to explain blow jobs to his daughter.

      Wonder what gymnastics that guy is doing today to wave away the shitshow that he surely voted for on November 8.

      • H0mer0

        [I want to know the back story regarding your avatar and your handle–I once saw a drunk guy parodying the Badger’s gait. It was uncanny…]

    • ChiefOfStaffCaptainHowdy

      I know I’ve searched fruitlessly for video of Obama saying “Pussy Riot”.

      “Perhaps if Hillary’s spokesperson/Id had let rip with a zinger about Trump sucking his own cock she would have won Michigan.”
      Sounds like a plan.
      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/73b88c1cac6842de510195033cbd18bd88b6c55bd0e428657a5bfa6cd914ede9.jpg

      • H0mer0

        hasn’t she suffered enough?

        • ChiefOfStaffCaptainHowdy

          Haven’t we? How about “GET IT RIGHT THIS TIME FOR FUCK’S SAKE” as a campaign slogan?

          • H0mer0

            I LIKE it!

  • susan_g

    Dr. Cuck should change that lame handle. I believe that Reince Penis is still available.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Rancid Penis.

  • azeyote

    i guess the guy ends up just a troll cuck after all

    • therblig

      a troll cuck driving a coal truck

      • OutOfOrbit

        coal? did somebody say coal? I can dig that

        • BloviateMe

          That pun is a miner offense to decency.

          • therblig

            humor in a mineral vein is always appreciated.

          • Doug Langley

            Don’t make us re-peat the rules on punning.

          • OutOfOrbit

            oh for peat sake

          • eggs ackly-wright

            Let’s not get bogged down.

          • Querolous

            If we do, will we be shafted?

          • Doug Langley

            Either that, ore your privileges will be stripped.

        • Oh no, another fossil fool!

        • Mavenmaven

          Shale we end this thread?

  • The Wanderer

    Really shitty quality on the Shitferbrains. I guess the poor Pantomime Horses will have to go without another grooming.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      This aggressive behavior is typical of nature documentaries.

      • The Wanderer

        “Here we see a huge bull Jacques Cousteau engaged in a life or death struggle with David Attenborough.”

        • Doug Langley
        • Kiri the Unicorn

          This behavior is typical of the harsh and bitchy world of internet mommyblogging.

          • The Wanderer

            One of the men at the bar, a gaunt feline with a big nose and wire-rimmed glasses, turned away from his glass of absinthe and said in a strongly-accented nasal voice, “Here, autumn is a sad time for ze lawyers. Az ze days grow colder zere are ze fewer lawsuits to feed zem. In a few month’s time, zey will begin to turn upon one anozzer.”
            Not giving us time to ponder this little pearl of wisdom, he launched into another. “During ze deepest part of ze winter, packs of lawyers will turn and eat ze weakest members. It may seem cruel, but is all part of nature’s rich design.”
            The Giant Gnat of Sinatra (2009)

        • H0mer0
  • Kiri the Unicorn

    I am interested in all this promiscuity that apparently happens only when I’m not around.

    • TJ Barke

      Seconded.

      • Honestly Hun, I get less sex by being in Open relationships. It’s too much for many people to handle.

        I think I get better sex, though, and being honest certainly makes me feel better about it all.

        • SisterArtemis

          Open relationships are a lot of work – people and emotion management, mostly – but very rewarding when they are successful. Hard to find people who are mature enough to make it work, though.

          • It is. But, I have had one affair with a married woman, and I don’t really want to cheat anymore. I prefer to live honestly.

          • SisterArtemis

            Yeah, had an affair with a gal once who TOLD me the other woman was OK with it, but turns out she was not. Never Again.

          • Yeah. This thing – I knew we were cheating. It wasn’t a One Night Stand, we cared for each other a lot, and we were both running from abusive situations. She was really a great lady, I do not regret it.

            I just don’t want to hide again.

        • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

          I thought I wanted to be in a polyamorous relationship; turns out I just wanted more company.

        • Christopher Smith

          Completely polyamorous here and you are quite right–honesty is too much
          for most people to manage. They’d rather ‘cheat,’ do anything to avoid the truth, and then cry in
          utter amazement at the dissolution of yet another TISSUE OF LIES (to
          quote Bette Davis.) Don’t even get me started on the toxic MYTH of
          ‘monogamy….’

          • Exactly. I know I cannot do monogamy, and I wont kid anyone and try.

          • Christopher Smith

            AE, I will never believe, in the face of endless empirical evidence to the contrary, that *anyone* does ‘monogamy.’ Never once in my entire life ever seen it happen. Lots of nonsense and pretension. Among other things, it’s completely unnatural for humans (and I believe that is also true for women–it’s just bullshit socialization which tells them what HOBITCHSLUTS they are if they ever dare enjoy the company of more than one man…….!)

          • I agree with you. I hate the lying, and I want what I want. I think a lot of folks would be happier if they’d really do some soul-searching, for me, I already have.

          • Christopher Smith

            Ramen. Do you think they’re even capable of comprehending that ‘monogamy’ is based in and on jealousy, possessiveness, and insecurity–and that wanting to be luurrrrrrrvvvved ‘alone’ is nothing more than an extended *id* stage? (I loathe Freud usually, but…..:)

          • I don’t know if they can overcome all programming.

            I grew up wanting all that nuclear family nonsense until I realized hoe deeply dysfunctional and abusive my own family was. After I Came Out, my 2nd Girlfriend was Poly, and once I tried that, I realized it was the natural state.

          • Christopher Smith

            I always knew, which in a way was worse, because I was always a hobitchslut eville tempter felon homewrecker (Did I leave any out? :) and in those days one didn’t even talk much about it–polyamory was not a word OR a thing then lol.
            I sure hear you about the own family. Me too.

          • ~hugs~ We survived, at least.

            The married woman I loved – the lying and hiding were hard and ugly. I am so much happier being honest, and if partners can;t handle it I just move on.

          • Christopher Smith

            I forgot ‘godless!’ What WAS I thinking?!?
            Yes. I was the Other Man twice–unwittingly both times; I was lied to and tricked into it–and that will never ever happen again.

          • xD

            Yeah. I’m down to play, but it’s has to be honest, safe, consensual.

          • Christopher Smith

            You know my first line when a likely someone says “I’m married” or “I have a partner?”
            “Good. When can I meet him???”
            *very evil smile*

          • Anna Likey. I’m Bisexual myself. :)

          • Christopher Smith

            I used to be. Mostly homo for quite a while but one never knows, do one? :D

          • My Girlfriend that was Poly described herself as “Lesbian, but nobody needs to be a Gold Star Lesbian. Let’s go talk to those guys!” xD

          • Christopher Smith

            That’s superb.
            I must run but let’s talk again, if you’re amenable?

          • Yes indeed. Take care, Christopher ~hugs~

    • The Wanderer

      (Ken Shabby): “I’ve ‘eard about unisex, but I’ve never tried it.”

    • Invisible Bunyip

      I’ve always wondered – it is that you won’t associate with non-virgins, or that you can’t? No offense intended.

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        None taken! The thing about virgins is entirely the product of neurotic medieval writers who had weird religious hangups about supposed sexual and spiritual purity. It’s all a metaphor: the virgin is Mary, the unicorn is Christ, and oh god, it’s all so stupid. Not a bit of it actually applies to real unicorns, who are perfectly happy to hang around with ex-virgins. In fact, in some circumstances they’re preferable.

        • ChiefOfStaffCaptainHowdy

          So Christ has a huge phallic symbol and likes to hang around Mom?

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            I did say it was stupid.

        • Invisible Bunyip

          Thank you. In that case I shall approach – politely – the next unicorn that I see.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    I wasted 30 minutes arguing with an unhinged Breitbart reader about whether or not Tony “The Mooch” Scaramucci’s public financial disclosure form was public instead of “treason” and a “leak” as the Mooch infamously claimed.

    The troll lapsed into lecturing me about insults and assured me this was a plain violation of NDAs like those he had signed himself in Jethro Bodine’s Double-Naught Spy Program.

    • OutOfOrbit

      arguing with Breitbart reader is a waste of time, like arguing with a bucket of mud

      • TJ Barke

        The mud also refuses to accept that it’s disgusting.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      I do have to admit that I enjoy watching the mental gymnastics of Trumpanistas these days. As many double twists and quadruple back flips as they manage, the usually don’t stick the landing. Sad.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      I think it’s a wee bit different for some low-level functionary and the White House Communications Director. But what do I know? I’m a stoopid librul.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      The brilliance of a Harvard Law degree shines through for the Mooch.

      • bupkus231

        His behavior/intelligence sure makes one think that was one helluva bit of “resume enhancement”. Has anyone really checked?

    • amrak63

      “Unhinged Breitbart reader”

      Isn’t that redundant? Are any Blightfart readers hinged?

  • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

    A real person instead of a construct. Like the guy you give the finger to on the way to work who pulls into the “customer service” parking lot. Awkward…..

  • Gorillionaire

    A great many chess grande masters have been the sort of guys who had to have help getting properly dressed and pointed in the right direction towards the stage. Probably got that help from their moms. Just sayin’.

    • Ghenghis McCann

      Did I hear someone at the back of the room say “Bobby Fischer”?

      • H0mer0

        [having known his sister and his nephews from way back, I reserve judgement]

    • eggs ackly-wright

      The Luzhin Defense.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    So, Rush and Hannity are the pinnacle of manhood. Blech.

    • Ghenghis McCann

      That explains so much. None of it is anything I’d want to know more about.

    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      You misspelled “buckets of shit”.

      • Ghenghis McCann

        Autocorrect, it’s always autocorrect.

    • TJ Barke

      Manhood is being a fat, angry, stupid dickhead?

  • wait! what?

    It’s nice to be financially secure. Apart from that, I really don’t care too much about money.

    Magnus Carlsen

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω
    • jesterpunk

      For the gays out there—ask the gays and ask the people—ask the
      gays what they think and what they do in, not only Saudi Arabia, in many
      of these countries, with the gay community, just ask, and then you tell
      me—who’s your friend, Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton?

      https://static01.nyt.com/images/2017/05/23/world/23orb/23orb-master768.jpg

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Wow, Alaska is WEIRD on that orb

      • proudgrampa

        Now THAT is gay!

    • Lyly Sirivong

      Every person with at least two brain cells knows it was never going to go well. Who got this idea ? What were they thinking ?

      • Serai 1

        It’s amazing how often this happens, isn’t it? “Let’s ask the _______, I’m sure they’ll have lots of nice opinions!” And then the asker gets BURIED on Twitter. You’d think they’d learn that throwing a question open to the masses never turns out the way you think it will, one way or the other.

  • The KGB Ate Our Votes

    Fat, flabby, self-hating and can suck his own cuck? He’s clearly confused Doc with Steve Bannon.

    • Serai 1

      WHY are wingnuts so obsessed with cocksucking?

      • bupkus231

        They never get any?

        • Jonny On Maui

          Beat me by seconds…

        • Serai 1

          I don’t think that’s it, otherwise why would they obsess on being forced to do it themselves?

  • Bill D. Burger

    “Ha, ha haaaa’! I showed those ignert’ welfare losers at that lib Wonkers site what a real patriotic Murrican’ is. I wuz’ condescending and really classy, just like Mr. Preznit’ Trump woulda’ been. Soon I will have slain all of Mr. Preznit’ Trump’s enemies for I am a fierce screen beret and will not tolerate insults to my preznit’______Where’s my…? MAAAAAAAAAAAAAHM’…bring me some more Cheetos.”

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BshPIGZIUAAw2uQ.jpg

    • Ghenghis McCann

      Well, that face looks like it’s been slapped for a while. But give it a few more, just to make sure.

    • The Wanderer

      Is that a young Dr. Steve Brule from Check It Out!?

      • Royal Ugly Dude

        Brule’s rules!

    • Steve Cole

      The power tie really brings it all together. If I computed while clothed, I would also wear a tie.

      • NewLarry

        Nice tie, but I bet he’s not wearing pants. Then again, neither am I.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    Headline–MICHIGAN: Kid Rock Leads US Senate Poll
    http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lkf7xxHKYR1qzoufpo1_100.gif

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    Trump Loses Jennifer Rubin. Torpedo in the Water.

    If Trump is forced out he’s a hot torpedo looking for a target. He’ll make revenge his life’s mission. Donald Jr. and his siblings will take up the mantle because there’s money to be made from political warfare. If they’re kingmakers instead of kings they can shelter themselves behind Far Right candidates, take huge money from political consultancies and influence peddling, and turn Conservatism into their business. Their properties and investments won’t suffer, and they’ll rebuild their fortresses of hidden deals and dark money. The GOP will be a sitting duck for them. The Trumps will do with the Republican Party what they do with any distressed property: take it over or tear it down it.

    • The Wanderer

      Which is why the only way to finish this is to break them financially. Strip them all naked and turn them out into the street in the howling cold.

      • TJ Barke

        From your lips to FSM’s noodly ear equivalents.

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        Somehow people who’ve had that kind of money never end up in a trailer park. A shabby apartment in Paris, maybe.

        • The Wanderer

          That would be fine. Maybe he could go spend his remaining days at Idi Amin’s old digs in Jiddah.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      I think Donnie Jr. and the other one need to be more concerned about getting scooped up in a RICO case.

      • I think a RICO prosecution of some Trump family member is much more likely than Two-Scoops ever being impeached.

    • jesterpunk

      The Trump family cant even run a casino and run the rest of their businesses so well they cant get a loan from any US bank. How will they do anything once he is impeached?

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        Wingnut Welfare.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        The catch is their new creditors have a way of using, um, unconventional, extra-judiciary means of dealing with those who do not meet the terms of the agreement.

        • jesterpunk

          Just dont drink the tea or use the water or touch anything.

    • Bill D. Burger

      The ‘Trump’ brand needs to be made so radioactive as to be lethal for generations. No one other than the remaining howler monkeys will want to go near it. Their financial holdings are their Achilles heel and as ~fingers crosed~ Bob Mueller brings it all down around their ears, it will be a avalanche to bury them all. The Righties will, as she suggests, be ripe for the picking; the strategy should be to marginalize them as they ravage the Republican Party.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Say, you know who else’s name is radioactive?

        • Bill D. Burger

          Oppenheimer?

        • The Wanderer

          Harry Daghlian?

        • Bill D. Burger

          Bob Chernobyl ?

          (*Totes’ made that up, btw.)

        • jesterpunk

          Marie Curie?

        • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

          Pripyat?

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Peter Parker? Bruce Banner?

        • Edward Teller?

        • SisterArtemis

          There’s an old NYPD Blue episode about this very thing (comedian Nick H., if I recall)

          • doktorzoom

            Vic Hitler, the narcoleptic standup comedian.

          • SisterArtemis

            Thank you – my excuse for not looking it up is that I’ve been flying between working and wonking (only one letter difference… COINCIDENCE????). Much appreciated.

          • doktorzoom

            Oh, no criticism intended! I just love the poetry of “Vic Hitler, the narcoleptic standup comedian.” Almost as good as the bit with Belker
            typing up the booking form (with two fingers) for a prostitute. Name? “Lotta” Last name? “Goo”

            Lotta Goo? (Belker is starting to growl)

            Gue. G-U-E.

            Also the first TV series ever to use the term “munching the carpet,” as far as I know.

        • Serai 1

          Guy Lombardo?

        • shastakoala

          Enola?

        • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

          The Atomic Skull?

        • Kiri the Unicorn

          Louis Slotin?

        • Paperless Tiger

          The Red Elvises?
          http://www.redelvises.com/

        • Fartknocker

          Alpha, beta and gamma?

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      They will have to be way, way, behind the scenes. Like Nixon, or Bush, the Trump name is going to be radioactive for a while. Also, it’s going to take a lot of time and money, and probably a few bankruptcies to extricate themselves from the civil and criminal hole they’ve dug. That’s if they don’t end up in jail.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Pooty Poot don’t do jail. Fuck the lawyers. Hire moar tastetesters.

        • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

          I’m thinking Red in Orange is The New Black. There has to be a male equivalent or several out there in the system.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      They’ll start the Trump News Channel, run it into the ground, then stick Bannon with the bill.

    • Bitter Scribe

      Loses? She’s always been against him IIRC.

      • Courser_Resistance

        I’ve been reading her stuff for a while now. Other then a few digs as the Dems here and there, I kind of assumed she was on ‘our side’.

        • Bitter Scribe

          Nope. She slagged on Obama relentlessly. “Apology tour” and all the rest of the bullshit.

  • Cock Blockula

    “…so there’s even less there here than in Oakland.”

    This is why I can’t quit you, Wonkette. Dok’s little literary Easter eggs keep me coming back.

    • Steve Cole

      I also paused on this phrase. OTOH, I don’t go to Oakland often. Is east bay really a desert?

      • Jonny On Maui

        Not a desert as much a wasteland.

        And that’s wrong. I grew up there.

      • JMP

        It’s a desert. It’s fucking hot as hell here and it never rains. I miss rain, and snow.

      • Jamoche

        It’s not San Francisco, but if you’re a rap or jazz fan there are things of interest.

      • Cock Blockula

        He’s playing with a famous Gertrude Stein quote about her hometown.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      I’ve noticed that Wonkette’s non-commenters are also particularly literate. I like that about this place.

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        And our book club selections come entirely from the Penthouse Forum!

        • SisterArtemis

          WE HAVE A BOOK CLUB?
          (Seriously, we should have a book club.)

          • shastakoala

            I think we had a book club here at one time. Or maybe someone got booked.

          • Invisible Bunyip

            Was that the someone with a club who got booked?

          • BloviateMe

            Pages “somehow” kept getting stuck together, had to call it off. Buncha ne’er-do-wells around these parts.

          • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

            I have a page on my Fire Notepad where I enter books and movies recommended by Wonkers.

  • Lyly Sirivong

    https://www.facebook.com/fina1908/photos/a.170346426333215.36489.113384688696056/1623663741001469/?type=3&theater

    I’m one of those idiots who is happy when a compatriot wins in a sport competition even though I don’t give a damn about sport.

    I remember being so disappointed when Zinedine Zidane disgraced himself in the 2006 World Cup final. Why is that ? What is it about sport that all of sudden turns us into nationalistic dorks ?

    • Ghenghis McCann

      I tend to go for the Schadenfreude when the nationalistic dicks find their team have been knocked out in the first round.

  • Invisible Bunyip

    Wow. We family and friends are really putting in the hours, in order to not leave the number of not comments every day.

  • Msgr_MΩment
  • The KGB Ate Our Votes
  • Red Bird

    Women don’t play chess because our entire lives are a constant Web of strategic moves we have to make in order to just stay alive. In other words we don’t need the practice.

  • SisterArtemis

    OMG – 21 days on from the event horizon, I got an upfists for some (mild) comment I made on the Vegan Baby Buttholegate thread. That thing has lasting power!

    • Dick St. Dipshit

      We should observe Vegan Baby Butthole Day as a Wonkette official holiday every year.

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        Where were you when the vegan baby butthole was unleashed?

        • Courser_Resistance

          Sitting at my desk with no pants.

        • Bobathonic

          Yodeling lessons.

      • La forza del resistino

        I’ve pitched a few ideas to Hallmark cards maybe in time for next year’s festivus.

    • OrG

      It’s only been 21 days?

    • UnsaltedSinner

      Vegan butthurt is very sustainable.

  • UnsaltedSinner
    • TJ Barke

      What is it with these fuckers and jokes that don’t even make sense?

      • OrG

        Not very smart.

      • Nounverb911

        Hillbilly humor?

        • TJ Barke

          Hillbilly libel…

        • OrG

          Clampett libelz!

      • Komedy is Hardz.

        Comedy punches up. Assholes like Huck can only punch down.

        • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

          They don’t actually comprehend humour. They only understand bullying and making fun of people, which are the things that make them laugh, and so they think that’s what humour is.

    • anon_the_great

      This fat fuck is consistent. Consistently unfunny. I mean this doughy pantload is one of the few people on Earth who can fuck up a Yer Mom joke.

      • Blackest Noobs

        i know like right…who does this fat fuck think he is…dude…Huck…you got a 2×4 and it is stuck not in thy eye but in your gut…you fat fuck loser never gonna be president so shut yo mouth tub of lard and father to a dog murderer…stop worry about the speck in your brotha.

        you got bigger fish to fry…well…no fried fish for you but you get me, Mikey.

      • gingerwentworth

        He is a horny old man too. He should not make us think about this but he does because he likes to share his uck personal sex jokes. That’s just how much he resembles Our Redeemer.

    • Ghenghis McCann

      If this was meant to be funny, then Hucklebuck needs to find a writer, If he has a writer, then the writer’s paid far too much.

      • anon_the_great

        His daughter writes his material

        • Ghenghis McCann

          We’re doomed.

        • OrG

          That would explain A LOT.

      • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

        It doesn’t even make sense, like we’re supposed to think that fraudulent voters are dead people in another country. Yuck, yuck.

        • Huckabee is a Grotesquely Stupid Bully, as are many GOPer Voters and their various hangers-on. This latest nonsense qualifies as a Flash of Brilliance on that scale.

      • sw19covfefe

        Bess Kalb has been trying to give him pointers for quite a while now:
        https://twitter.com/bessbell/status/879430827544915968

        • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

          Don’t read that tweet thread. The stupidity burns.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        One of my RWNJ uncle’s childhood buddies does PR for Chucklefuck. He used to work as a second-rate journalist, wasn’t a very good writer.

    • Paperless Tiger

      Whistlin’ by the graveyard again?

    • Jonny On Maui

      He’s still claiming christian, isn’t he?

    • TJ Barke

      He’s just mad because the Nordic countries show how successful leftist policies can be.

      • OrG

        Yep, when my mom was in the hospital in Oslo last year about the hardest thing was finding someone to tell us how much the bill was going to be.

    • Lyly Sirivong

      Oh God, being an arsehole in your own country is not enough, you have to come to another country and inflict your arseholery on them. Shut up, leave the dead alone or they’ll come haunting you at night.

    • Shibusa
    • Mmm, same system in Australia 🇦🇺

      Kinda.

  • La forza del resistino

    Aide to Gen’l Custer said, there are some indigenous patriots over there that want to meet and greet you.

    • Could Anypony recommend a good book about George Armstrong Custer? I read a book for school children when I was 10, and it was flattering towards Custer to say the least.

      • anon_the_great

        Son of the Morning Star by Evan S. Connell. Best bio by miles and miles. Connell is very clear the story he tells may or may not be the whole truth, not because he’s making anything up, but the dozens of accounts tell slightly or vastly different stories.

        • Ahh, thank you! :) Added to the list.

          • anon_the_great

            I’m a huge Last Stand/Battle of Greasy Grass geek. Think I’ve read over 50 pretty scholarly books including 3 separate field surveys of spent ammo cartridge on it. Morning Star is the best.

          • Wow. I admire that. I’ve read over 50 books about Normandy/D-Day and the Breakout, popular history and scholarly both.

          • BloviateMe

            You ever take the guided tour there? I was pretty young, but I remember it fondly. It was amazing. Our guide was Native American, so it certainly wasn’t sugarcoated towards ol’ Custer.

        • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

          What I love about this book is that those on both sides are presented as human beings. Crazy Horse’s marital problems. The myriad awful ways the Great Plains tried to kill you if you were a cavalry soldier. The recklessness and general incompetence of George Custer. It’s fascinating.

      • Ghenghis McCann

        “Crazy Horse and Custer” by Stephen E. Ambrose gets good reviews. (At least it mentions a Native American in the title.)

        • Cool, thanx. I have a few by Ambrose, he’s a good popular history writer.

          Added to the List. :)

      • Querolous

        From a different POV read The Court-Martial of George Armstrong Custer: A Novel by Douglas C. Jones

  • I was editor of my high school newspaper in 1979. Our columnists adopted noms de plume like “the claw”, “stork”, “American Dream”, “Legalize It”, etc. I did the weekly cartoon for the paper, “Limpit’s Minnow’s” because our intrepid journalism teacher was named Mr. Bass. I would like to invite “jacob” to time travel back to 1979 and read The Campus Echo to understand what real, hard hitting, take no prisoners high school newspapers were like.

  • ken_kukec

    “indigenous patriots” — is Jake the Snake referencing Ira Hayes, or maybe the Navajo code talkers?

  • Blackest Noobs

    does this mean i need to leave emails and comments Breitbrat News would delete?
    you know…to even up the score….geez..that’s gonna be A LOT of comments and emails.

  • sw19covfefe

    Did our Wonkette manage to reach any bona fide ‘indigenous patriots’ for comment?
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/d96ee1e00da4c526ea9443c0a940da9ce133a6974ca2b21e8798e9c3c11c5f8a.jpg

    • Blackest Noobs

      oooh please….don’t go being a Pocahontas, Pocahontas.

      • sw19covfefe

        Dammit, now you’ve gone and frightened all the RWNJs away from my cunningly camouflaged double sexist-racist trap!

        • Blackest Noobs

          the royal white new jerseyians? jersey has royalty?

    • SnarkON

      [Insert shitty Elizabeth Warren reference here]

    • SisterArtemis

      As an aside, that is a lovely photograph

  • Bozilingus
  • Serai 1

    Also, why do you think it is that there are no real female, chess grandmasters?

    Maybe because we’ve got better things to do than stare at a game board for 22 hours a day?

    • TJ Barke

      I was gonna say misogynist assholes discouraging female involvement maybe?

      • La forza del resistino

        any master will bait you with the all powerful Queen.

      • Serai 1

        That too, of course. I’ve just never met any women who were actually interested.

        • *nods* I have a mild interest and aptitude for chess, not enough to pursue a tournament rating.

          There are other games that are a lot more fun.

      • sw19covfefe

        I’m going to stick with the former. You really have to have total tunnel vision, ubernerd-level absorption of moves, and a complete killer instinct to succeed at higher levels in chess.

        • Serai 1

          And the willingness to have no other life. Not for me, thanks. If I’m going to obsess on something, it’s going to be a lot more fun than THAT.

          • sw19covfefe

            Pawn Sacrifice was actually a very interesting movie about chess… but mainly because it was about Bobby Fischer and his meltdown.

          • Serai 1

            Yeah, I saw that, really interesting! One of my favorites for years has been Searching for Bobby Fischer, in large part because it’s about the tension between chess-focus and actually having a life. (Also, Larry Fishburne, thank you very much.)

        • Le Chapeau

          You also have to strain the brain to think many moves ahead. I’m not very good at it, but when I was young I played a guy who always had some trick up his sleeve about five moves in the future. During the middle of one game with him, I suddenly realized that he was going to have me checkmated in about five moves. I desperately scanned the board for a way to stop him, and it seemed hopeless until I realized that the whole thing turned on a move by his knight, and the only thing that would stop that, was by moving one of my pawns one space ahead. I did, and he yellled “SHIT!” I don’t even remember who won the game, but that was my crowning moment.

      • Courser_Resistance

        Undoubtedly true, but in the end it’s something we didn’t care enough to fight for. We got badder fish to fry.

      • SisterArtemis

        THANK you!

      • Le Chapeau

        You may be barking up the right tree, there.

    • Courser_Resistance

      This. My dad taught me chess when I was young. I found it really boring. I was much happier playing outside than sitting in a stuffy house staring at the chess board.

      • Serai 1

        Hell, I liked board games as a kid, but chess just takes WAY too long. It’s just a fucking game, for gods’ sakes. I can’t play it like my life’s on the line.

        • Courser_Resistance

          Oh yeah, we played TONS of board games! My dad was trying to teach me to think 3 moves ahead and plan strategy. But I was a kid, man! I had a good ability to focus, but honestly, I had far more interesting things to do than trying to break my brain on strategy

    • Jamoche

      I’ve got the logic skills but I can’t visualize, which is mandatory for chess. You’ve no idea how much it’s saved me in brain bleach, though, especially this last year.

  • Reximus
  • Carpe Vagenda

    You’re (as ever) nicer than I am. I assumed when he didn’t get his hate pellet he scampered off to try another lever somewhere.

    • Shanzgood

      Oh, nice!

    • Le Chapeau

      Hate pellet. That’s a good one.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    As with chess, also too golf. From they wayback machine:

    CBS officials stood by veteran sportscaster Ben Wright yesterday after he was quoted as saying lesbians are ruining golf and that women can’t play the game because their “boobs” get in the way.

    • BloviateMe

      I can understand why a bigot would say women are ruining golf, but why lesbians specifically? Because they’re supposed to hate balls or something?

      • Either Ben did not find them sufficiently attractive or they shot ol’ Ben down when he propositioned them.

        • Mr. Blobfish

          “Women are handicapped by having boobs,” Wright was quoted as saying. “It’s not easy for them to keep their left arm straight, and that’s one of the tenets of the game. Their boobs get in the way. “Let’s face facts here. Lesbians in the sport hurts women’s golf,” he also said, according to the newspaper. “When it gets to the corporate level, that’s not going to fly. They’re going to a butch game, and that furthers the bad image of the game”.

          • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

            That is repulsive on so many levels.

          • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

            I has a confused! Is he saying golf is a “butch game”?

          • Bobathonic

            “Whereas men are handicapped by being boobs.”

          • Le Chapeau

            So, wait a minute … he seems to be saying that, even though boobs prevent a woman from playing golf properly, lesbians somehow overcome their boobs because, being butch, they are better athletes? Either old Ben is confused, or I am.

          • guppy06

            Lesbians become lesbians because their small boobs keep them from attracting a man.

      • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

        Because only lesbians like to be athletic and compete and Real Women don’t?

        • Le Chapeau

          That would be the misogynist theory.

    • jesterpunk

      Is that before or after the lesbian farmers take over the country?

    • boredcatlady

      if ‘boobs get in the way’ was really a thing anyone cared about, someone would’ve ‘invented seatbelts for women by now.

    • The Wanderer

      Invite the Amazons for an archery tournament.

    • Le Chapeau

      I remember that moment of transcendent idiocy.

  • Gigglesnort

    Judit Polgar is a female chess Grandmaster. She isn’t an active player anymore, but still holds the title. She didn’t get a Women’s Grandmaster (WGM) title because from childhood she didn’t play in women’s only events. She played in the boy’s and as she got older, men’s events and she has a long list of male GMs she has defeated.

  • Master Contrail Program

    So has TLM taken up the interview offer yet? He seems to leak a little more of his modus operandi everytime we engage with him. Mostly in drips and drops, not the gallons one would expect.

  • sw19covfefe

    OT Austria v Spain in the Euro Soccerball Cup of Europe. Still 0-0
    Good to see the Spanish women’s team are just as dull and tediously tippy tappy tiki taka as the men.
    Also, Austria are conforming to cultural stereotypes by being dour and efficient, but not to Germanic levels.
    Somebody, please fucking score. I can’t handle extra time and penalties.

    • sw19covfefe

      Fuck’s sake. Extra time.

    • BrendaKay

      “tediously tippy tappy tiki taka” – that is some world class alliteration right there. ;-)

      • sw19covfefe

        Why thank you young kitten!

    • Raan

      And that’s why Soccer never really caught on in the US.

      • Le Chapeau

        Americans want to see action, as in scoring. Even our slowest game, baseball, makes soccer look like paint drying.

    • Le Chapeau

      The Austrians need to eat delicious Viennese pastries to keep their strength up.

  • CountryClubJihadi

    Oh, God. Katrina Person is back on MSNBC.

    • La forza del resistino

      She did say Mooch’s language is common in the NYC business world – if you’re doing biz in a 10th Ave dive bar.

      • Persistent Demme

        Really.
        Those elite Ivy league guys and gals might keep him around for entertainment or greed purposes, but his “Jersey Shore” type of talk isn’t taken very seriously.

      • Le Chapeau

        You know the Mooch is already in trouble when they have to dust off Katrina and send her out there to make excuses for him.

      • guppy06

        Would this be the same NYC business world that everybody hated even before they tanked the economy?

        Is this the next “locker room talk?”

    • Yr. Gma

      Why?

  • tehbaddr

    Worst pr0n names ever? I don’t know.

    “Rebecca Skankoff was furiously pegging away at Dr Cuck’ in The Secret Chat Cave. Tears rolled down Dr Cuck’s face, they were not tears of pain or fear, but libtard tears of joy! That’s when Evan burst into The Secret Chat Cave and______

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      Needs pizza delivery guy.

      • Bobathonic

        And music

        bow chicka bow wow

      • tehbaddr

        There we go, Evan bursts in and says “Who ordered the Big Sausage Pizza?”

        • Raan

          Featuring Danny Sexbang as Saul Spiderman.

      • Eileen Besse

        We had Pizza Delivery Guy yesterday, and pizza remains today. Yum.

        • tehbaddr

          How’d you get him to hang around? ;^}

          • Eileen Besse

            We’re local.

    • sw19hoofywoofy

      I quite likes the way CountryClubJihadi’s post ran smoothly in:

      ___Oh, God. Katrina Person is back on MSNBC.

  • boredcatlady

    Oh this was definitely the LOL I needed right now. Seriously. :)

  • Jo Mathie

    What is it with these idiots and their obsession with the word “cuck”?It’s the stupidest insult I can think of.I mean shouldn’t you being attacking the alleged cheater not the one cheated on? “I suppose Dr Cuck is just happy to be there with all the promiscuous young “feminists” Never-mind that one is stupider. Someone is alone in their basement wishing a real-life woman would even talk to them.

    • sw19covfefe

      Cuck implies unmanly-manliness because you sit and watch your beloved (party) getting fucked.
      A “real man” would fight back and all that.

      • Yr. Gma

        I guess like how Rinsed Pubis would have fought back against Moochless if he had been a real man but didn’t so Donnie made the cuck go away.

        • jesterpunk

          Rince didnt love Donny enough.

          • Le Chapeau

            The first rule of White House Fight Club is you don’t talk about White House Fight Club.

          • jesterpunk

            I thought this was the first rule?

            https://i.imgflip.com/185jqw.jpg

          • Le Chapeau

            See? This is what I’m talking about. Every time the White House staff issues a statement to try to clear things up, THIS asshole jumps in and fucking contradicts it.

        • Paperless Tiger

          Arena politics.

        • sw19hoofywoofy

          Precisely. Establishment politician, still playing nice instead of helping to tear shit up.

      • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

        In Wingnut Land, people admire the winner in a contest to see who can be the biggest asshole.

        • amrak63

          Hence their adoration of Covfefe and his master, Putin.

      • Raan

        Some guys are into that.

        Jerry Smith’s dad, for instance.

    • It’s projection. This type are all Racist and stupid, getting off on ugly, stereotypical fantasies and framing their own inadequacies as shared by all males.

    • Paperless Tiger

      It means something in their fevered little minds.

    • Incoming Ham

      It’s cool and historic-like.

    • guppy06

      I mean shouldn’t you being attacking the alleged cheater not the one cheated on?

      Women are objects, bits of property that have no free will of their own.

    • puredog

      It’s an attacking insult because it posits that the cheatee is so balls-less that he likes it.

    • P’jama Pahnts

      I would’ve gone with Dok Cuck, but what do I know.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    Okay, this is extra stupid.

    “Single-payer, like communism or eating an entire bag of chips in one sitting, is one of those things that sounds great on paper…”

    The author also takes Sen. Cortez-Masto to task (along with other Democratic Senators) for choosing not to walk into a Republican trap on Single-Payer, whining that “the people” have a right to know what their position is.

    • Liquid Tomato

      That’s a terrible simile. Who the hell thinks it’s a great idea to eat a whole bag of chips in one sitting?

      • TJ Barke

        A great idea? No one thinks it’s a great idea. But it is satisfying while it happens.

        • Le Chapeau

          Corn chips and a big bowl of salsa. Whole bag.

          • Bobathonic

            Chips are nothing but a transport for dip or salsa.

          • Le Chapeau

            A delivery vehicle, as it were.

          • Bobathonic

            Because a spoon would be uncouth.

    • DainBramage

      Eating an entire bag of chips in one sitting is even better when it’s real. I hate those paper ones!

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        But the paper ones have fewer calories!

    • jesterpunk

      But they where lays chips and you cant eat just one.

    • Persistent Demme

      Dammit!
      Now I want chips!
      (The whole bag!)

    • Paperless Tiger

      When did communism sound great on paper?

      • The Wanderer

        When Marx and Engels were sharpening up their standup act.

      • Le Chapeau

        Sounded great in the “Communist Manifesto.” Old Marxist joke: “Sure, it works in practice, but does it work in theory”

      • guppy06

        Probably helps to be looking at it from the perspective of a serf.

      • sincarne

        In the Bible, where they describe how the early church worked, post-Ascension?

      • Jamoche

        They all sound good on paper, usually because they make completely invalid assumptions about human nature.

        “And so the children of the revolution were faced with the age-old problem: it wasn’t that you had the wrong kind of government, which was obvious, but that you had the wrong kind of people.

        As soon as you saw people as things to be measured, they didn’t measure up.”

      • doktorzoom

        Mostly to thousands of college sophomores, I think.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    RE women chess masters: I vividly remember the day in high school when my father picked me up from an orchestra practice and said “Women don’t have the talent or ambition to become professional classical violinists.” And I said “That’s bullshit. Being a professional musician requires hours of daily practice and enormous dedication, and most concerts are in the evening and on weekends, and there is a lot of travel involved. If a woman musician wants that lifestyle, she almost always has to sacrifice marriage and motherhood to rise to the top of her profession, but a male musician never has to sacrifice either, because he can always find a woman who will make a home for him and bear and raise his children while he is busy pursuing a career in music. It’s very difficult for a woman to find a man who will do that for her, so if a talented woman musician chooses marriage and motherhood she usually has to sacrifice her career.”

    And my father thought for about 5 seconds and said “You’re right, I never thought of it that way.” Now, my father was never home – his job took him all over the world and we either saw him on weekends, or once a month, or on major holidays, and once when he worked in Africa he didn’t come home for a whole year, and my mother raised us on her own and ran the house while working full time. He was very intelligent, and he obviously should have thought of this himself, but he never did. The only reason why I was born is that he came home one weekend to go to a football game.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        She’s fantastic. That’s not an easy piece to play, let alone play well (sometimes I think Paganini was a sadist). But when I had this conversation with my father in 1971 there were hardly any well-known female concert violinists.

        • I believe it. The example is not meant to criticize you, but illustrate that things are changing. :)

          I am a great admirer of Hilary Hahn. Her Violin master trained with Jascha Heifetz, and he said that not only is Hahn better than Heifitz, she’s better than Paganini.

          She’s a smart, self-possessed young woman as well. Guess what? Hahn is often criticized as “unemotional”, because she seldom similes while performing. *shakes head* Of course.

          • Le Chapeau

            Paganini’s stuff is notoriously difficult to play. She kicks major violin booty. That some idiots criticize her for not smiling says they got nothin’. If I were cranking out Paganini like that I wouldn’t smile either, and hey look, she smiled when she was done playing! God, I hate fucking misogynists.

          • Right? Her emotional expression is in the music, and she’s a delightfully charming woman when interviewed. I bought a box set with a concert and a biographical DVDs of Hilary Hahn back in 09. She’s a remarkable artist and woman. She started performing when she was 15 or 16 years old.

          • Le Chapeau

            I see that she has one kid with her husband, but she was 35 when the child was born. It was the great Kate Hepburn who once said that any woman going into the acting profession should stay single because they won’t have the time for a hubby and family.

          • Yes, it’s unsurprising. I didn’t know she had had a child.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            She would know.

          • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

            Meanwhile, the supernaturally brilliant Chinese pianist Yuja Wang, who makes a point of dressing in shockingly revealing skin-tight clothes and somehow plays in 6-inch stiletto heels, is endlessly derided, and reviews concentrate ONLY on what she wears. She’s so amazing that she’s almost weaponized it–“Yeah, I dress like this FUCK YOU!” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pSpf9bKK_Zk

          • Damn. She is amazing.

            And I wish I could afford a dress like that. If you got it, flaunt it. :)

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I had a friend in college who played cello, and we both played in the orchestra, where the guys had to wear black suits and ties for concerts, and the women had to wear long black dresses, but my friend was a militant lesbian and she showed up for a concert in a black suit and tie one evening. The conductor had a conniption fit, but he had to let her play because there was no time for her to go home and change. I was so proud of her.

          • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

            Oh, I love that story. In high school I played in a youth orchestra with a young “hip” conductor. Our uniform was the boys wore black suits and burgundy turtlenecks (SO hip) and the girls, yeah, we wore black MINIskirts and burgundy tights. We were all “of the time” so even us girls thought it was so cool. “How short do our miniskirts have to be?” one of the girls asked and the conductor, sniggering, told ME to stand up (I liked very short skirts) as the “example” and I swear I felt so PROUD. Isn’t it terrible?

            But I totally remember really brave girls in that era wearing “men’s” outfits. Especially since, if you remember, we weren’t even allowed to wear pants at all in most contexts! Hard to imagine now, isn’t it? In college I worked as an usher, and as a pianist I also often worked as a page turner when we had pianists performing, and I had become a militant feminist by then, so one time I wore pants and a neat blouse and I was EXCORIATED. “DID you see CatCafe? Wearing DUNGAREES onstage?”

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I remember those days. I had to wear a dress to school until 8th grade (1969), then they had a “test week” in which we could all wear anything we wanted, and afterwards the school board would decide if they would relax the dress code or not (they did). First day I wore my HUGEST bell bottom jeans, a Mexican embroidered blouse, a suede bolero with fringe down to my knees, peace symbol earrings and a peace symbol headband. I had long straight hair down to my waist and I looked like a Hippie Cher. I was so cool, it hurt. The amazing thing is my mother let me wear that to school.

          • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

            I love this! You probably looked awesome! Or should I say, groovy! I had a bright red, yellow, and orange flowered top-of-the-thigh-length minidress which I wore with white tights and knee-high blue suede boots and a floppy orange hat! Alas, not to school–I went to a putrid private girls’ school with a putrid uniform.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            That sounds very groovy. I had a blue suede miniskirt that I thought was THE END until I wore it to school and discovered that suede rides up when you sit down or bend over. I bent over to get a drink from a school water fountain and everyone could see my underwear, it was so embarrassing at age 15!!! My sister made me a “granny gown” out of this psychedelic purple-hot pink-orange-bright yellow-neon green paisley fabric, and I wore it to school with a bright orange crocheted snood and purple platform shoes. I wouldn’t be caught dead in it now.

          • Bitter Scribe

            Yeah, Yuja Wang is super. And I get so tired of uptight jerks harrumphing about the way she dresses.

            She’s fearless in ways that go beyond her clothes. She’ll take on the most challenging pieces in the repertoire, and is constantly taking on new works. Somehow seems fitting for someone who came to Canada from China alone at age 15, speaking little English (her English is now perfect).

            As for the heels, I’ve heard that long ones actually give you leverage on the pedals. (As a non-piano-playing guy, I wouldn’t know.)

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I tried to drive a car once with 4″ heels on, and while I could do it, the awkward angle of my foot on the gas pedal eventually caused a lot of foot pain. I suspect it is the same with the piano.

          • Jamoche

            It’s a totally different angle, so maybe not. Your legs are almost vertical on a piano.

          • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

            Oh, she’s phenomenal. I saw her play just recently and it was, seriously, like someone supernatural appeared out of the ether and got onstage and played as you’ve never heard anyone play before. She did a series of the 3 Bartok piano concertos–I went to two of the concerts. At the last one she played these unbelievable encores–one was sort of a Chopin mazurka but with a jazz improvisation going on AT THE SAME TIME, everyone was laughing, and she was too, like it wasn’t no thing.

          • Bitter Scribe

            I’m jealous. I’ve only seen her on YouTube. Where did you see her?

          • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

            She played three concerts with the L.A. Phil. I managed to go to two of them! It was astonishing.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I got that same comment about being unemotional when I played violin with a folk group in church, and played at weddings with a band. Nobody said that about the male musicians. Young men told my friends that they were afraid to ask me out on a date because “I never smiled” and they found this intimidating. WTF?

          • That is so stupid. Not everyone smiles all the time, and many of us do not smile while concentrating, but as far as I can tell, only women get criticized for that.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I noticed about 20 years ago that nearly all the young women I met or saw were giggling and laughing and smiling constantly, even when it wasn’t actually appropriate or relevant to the conversation, even when there were no boys or men around. Our culture and many other cultures seem to encourage this behavior. Some young girls and women I see today laugh after almost every sentence. I find it distracting, like people who say “Umm” several times in the middle of every sentence. They’ll say “I fell down and broke my arm, tee-hee tee-hee” or “Our house burned down, giggle giggle.” It’s absurd.

          • I meet some like that. It comes off, IMHO, like they are apologizing for every action and emotion.

          • Le Chapeau

            I’m just spitballing here, but I’m supposing that if one of those simpletons had approached you and said you play the violin like an angel, you might have tipped them a little smile.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Definitely, yes. But only very old men ever said things like that to me.

          • Le Chapeau

            So many of us are too soon old, and too late smart.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            You can say that again. You can say that again.

            Am I being cute or do I have dementia? At my age, it’s hard to tell the difference.

          • Le Chapeau

            Ditto.

          • NastyBossetti

            I’ve had this my whole life, too. My friends growing up had to answer “Why doesn’t dinkybossetti like me?” about a hundred billion times from every new person I met.

          • Bitter Scribe

            That whole “unemotional” thing is just stupid. Usually it gets tossed at Asian classical musicians, as a not very subtle form of racism.

          • That’s horrid.

            I don’t much smile while doing my hobby painting. My guess is many people do not smile while concentrating.

        • Incoming Ham

          I believe that Paganini only ever intended it to be played by him, ergo the difficulty.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Then I wish he had never written any of his pieces down, because high school violin teachers just love to torture students with his pieces, and I speak from experience.

        • Bitter Scribe

          She’s one of the best violinists I’ve ever heard–certainly the best American-born* one. Tone as rich as butter, perfect technique, wonderful emotional expression–she has it all.

          She also had a baby girl recently–I don’t think the kid is two years old yet. It’ll be interesting to see if she maintains her touring schedule.

          *That means more to me than maybe it should, but I can’t shake the thought that maybe more Americans would be interested in classical music if more Americans played it.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Classical music does not get the financial or administrative support in our schools that it should get. The marching bands get all the money and attention. The first school program that is cut in a tight budget year is the orchestra. Our high school band marched in several parades every year, and performed at local university football game halftimes, but when I suggested to the teachers and principals one year that the orchestra could do this too (put the cellos on a float) everyone just laughed. There is no reason why you can’t have a marching orchestra, if only for PR purposes once a year, but it’s unheard of.

          • Bitter Scribe

            You’re making me think of the gag in one of Woody Allen’s movies, I think it was “Take the Money and Run,” where he tries to play the cello in a marching band. He carries the cello and bow in one hand and a chair in the other. He puts down the chair, sits in it, plays a few bars, then scrambles to his feet, snatches up the chair, rushes frantically forward, puts down the chair, etc. Funny as hell.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Yes, I laughed at that too. Theoretically, one could put a caster on the tip of the cello’s end pin and walk it along, but I suspect in practice this would not work very well.

          • Bitter Scribe

            Not unless the pavement was really, really smooth.

          • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QqA3qQMKueA&index=8&list=PLgA_QpnjZQywDLVVrrPMrlUcP7Cp2sTE1

            This is my personal favorite by Hahn. It never fails to move me to tears. I think she was 17 when they recored this.

          • Bitter Scribe
          • Oh yes. Wonderful choice. :)

          • Bitter Scribe

            So is yours. I have that CD.

          • I have the Mendelssohn. :) I own at least 10 Hahn albums on CD.

    • DainBramage

      Kudos to your mom.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        She was fabulous, but it was partly her own decision. She refused to uproot us and move to wherever my father was working because our little town had very good schools and her children came first.

    • jesterpunk

      Jessy Greene would like to say something about that also too.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_hdgvO5X4oY

      • Angela Ruzzo

        I wish I had video of my friend Becky playing Irish Fiddle, cause she was stupendous, but alas there is no video, and her albums are unavailable, and she died of cancer 3 years ago.

        • ~hugs~

        • jesterpunk

          Sorry for your loss.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Thanks. I was lucky to know her. We spent a month traveling around Ireland back in the 80’s…such fun. We were young, we drank many beers, we played great music, it’s a beautiful country and the people are charming, who can ask for more from life? I wish I could do it over again.

    • Le Chapeau

      I would say kudos to your mom, but what she did is what mothers have been doing in the same situation forever — taking charge and being the source of strength in the family … Wait a minute … big kudos to your mom.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        See my reply below to DainBramage. She was the best, but it was her decision too.

        • BosGrl

          I recently had a conversation with my 11-year-old nephew about equal rights and pay, etc., and I discussed the history of American working women and how we no longer have to keep house as a profession. He was stricken, because my sister is a stay-at-home mom. I explained that that was her decision, which makes all the difference.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Good answer. My mother quit work when she got pregnant with me because nurses had to quit if they became pregnant in them olden times. She stayed home until I started 1st grade, and I must say I had an extremely happy first 6 years at home with her. We were busy all the time…reading, playing card games, doing jigsaw puzzles, playing and listening to music, learning to sew and knit and crochet and embroider, baking cookies and pies and cakes. It was idyllic, and I was a lucky little girl.

          • BosGrl

            I was fortunate to be able to work from home while my kids were growing up. It’s the one thing that doesn’t make me sad – that I got to spend a lot of time with Katie when she was little.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            She will remember it all her life – I know I do.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Blind auditions have made a big difference in women getting orchestra chairs, winning contests, etc. Go Figure.

      • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

        As a former classical musician, I would also add that it’s only in the past few decades that women have been even allowed in major Philharmonics. As recently as the 1970s/1980s the major orchestras (Berlin Phil, LSO) were all-male. And virulently all-male, too. One of the great conductors, I can’t remember which, was famous for saying “Why would we have a woman in our orchestra? If she was beautiful, she would distract the men, and if she was ugly, no one would want to look at her.”

        I remember our own S.F. Orch conductor saying “No miniskirts in MY orchestra!” In the late 1970s they started having blind auditions and they were amazed to discover that some of their choices were WOMEN, even some in MINISKIRTS. Even then, certain instruments were seen as “male” and some still are (you don’t see a lot of female trombone or trumpet players, or in the percussion section).

        Women had to fight endlessly to even be allowed onto the playing field. Only now are women finally getting some kind of parity in symphony orchestras. Your dad was extrapolating from the fact that women simply weren’t in symphony orchestras, and it was common then, as it is now (see: our last election), to blame the women for “not being interested or talented enough.”

        • Angela Ruzzo

          You are correct. When I was in high school and college, the teachers and faculty subtly and not-so-subtly discouraged the female students from pursuing careers in music.

          My friend Susan, who was Principal Trumpet at the Saint Louis Symphony for many years until she retired a few years ago, started an organization called the International Women’s Brass Conference (IWBC) in the early 90’s, which hosted summer programs to train and encourage young female brass players. Susan had to fight a lot of discrimination to rise to the top of her profession, because the received wisdom was that women did not have the lung capacity to play brass instruments well. She and many others proved this to be wrong.
          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u3cQgllK1AQ

          • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

            Awesome!

        • Bitter Scribe

          Yeah, isn’t it amazing how the number of women shot up once the judges weren’t allowed to know their gender?

    • puredog

      Also re women chess masters: I commend to all here the novel “The Queen’s Gambit” by Walter Tevis, concerning just such a one.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        When I was 5 and my brother was 12, he taught me to play chess. It took me a while to memorize the rules and names of the pieces, but it intrigued me. He beat me for the first 2 games, but I beat him on the 3rd game, and he became so infuriated that he picked up the chess board and threw it at the wall and broke some of the pieces. I never played chess again. If he had not been such an asshole, I might have become quite good at it. But when you are 5 years old there are plenty of other things to learn, in fact there are so many that you don’t have time for all of them.

  • Shibusa

    Did Jacob get lost on his way to 4chan?

    • amrak63

      I kinda reckon Jacob’s been lost for quite a while, IYKWIM.

  • norcalOG

    You will have to admit: male chess players do a much better job of handling their bishop.

  • Belasaurius

    I never minded the ads

    • Paperless Tiger

      There’s always one that goes into an endless loop. Prolly a Russian virus.

  • motmelere

    Evan Wurst? Hates ‘Murica Evan more than Castro? Can’t come up with better, my brain is still dented by Wisco republicans trying to sell trickle down Foxxconn policies.

    • amrak63

      Evan Rude?

      • motmelere

        Motorboating!

  • BloviateMe
    • Those are Pueblo CO-style temps you’re facing. You have Humidity as well? My sympathies.

      • BloviateMe

        Not much for humidity, luckily.

        I don’t think it’s rained for almost two months. It’s craziness, I tells ya.

        • Yr. Gma

          That is crazy. Gpa is from Corvallis, and he says he’s never heard the like.

        • Notreelyhelping

          Earlier this year, it wouldn’t stop raining; now, it won’t start. Nothing to look at here, folks. Just keep moving.

    • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

      109! Yikes!

    • OrG

      I will happily be in Blackpool, England then.

      • mancityRed6

        I’m trying to remember if it was the Blackpool promenade I was driven through or if it was Rhyl.

      • Dick St. Dipshit

        Oooo, too good to stay here and suffer. Off to Blackpool then. Aren’t we the big girl’s blouse?

        Edit: take me with you?

    • DainBramage

      At least Salem will get a couple of minutes of deep shade on August 21st.

  • Shibusa

    Sounds like Editrix roasted Jacob’s chessnuts.

  • Paperless Tiger

    They elected a bunch of dead-enders to lead them. They got there fast.

  • NastyBossetti

    Someone told me today, “You think money is the way out of poverty,” as if there is any other way out of poverty except money. Am I totally off-base? I am starting to feel like I’m losing my grip on reality.

    • sw19hoofywoofy

      Are they one of the “poverty is a state of mind” types?

      Because I sort of agree with that… but I’m also a proponent of “the trick to money is having some” school of thought.

      • NastyBossetti

        He seemed to be trying to say that poor people need to “better themselves” in order to improve their situation, not just expect the minimum wage to rise so that they might be able to afford a place to live and food to eat while working a full-time job. But what is the point of “bettering oneself” in the way he is talking about if it isn’t to get a better job where you make more money?

        • BosGrl

          Plus, who gets to decide what is “better”? Whose culture?

          • NastyBossetti

            Right. Why is it not ok for someone to be content working an honest job and expect to earn enough money to be able to live?

        • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

          They are living in the 1950s again. The concept is that lower wage jobs were somehow a stepping stone to higher wage jobs- like the high school kid getting a fast food summer job. Chances are now that if you get a full time low wage job, you’ll stay there. A lot of that has to do with housing costs. There’s not much chance to move up.

          • Ω cynmac will never surrender

            And a lot of adults are juggling two or more low paying jobs, without a car or with a clunker, and one or two kids without Medicaid because they fell into the “doughnut hole”, not quite poor enough.
            On thing Bernie said that resonated with me was “any adult working 40 hours a week deserves a living wage”.

          • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

            If you get a chance, read the book “Evicted” by Matthew Desmond. The realities of being one of the working poor and trying to find a place to live are pretty horrible.

          • Ω cynmac will never surrender

            I read “nickel and dimed” and tried an experiment myself at a $10/hour job. I lasted a few months. They cut my hours to weekends only, mainly because I pointed out every violation that they were making in labor laws. I quit/they fired me eventually. I walked off and they sent me a certified letter. I never picked up the certified letter and it was returned to them. They emailed me asking me why I refused the letter, that I never answered. And I never answered the email either.

          • Jamoche

            If you can even get a full time one – before ACA, California had to deal with employers (*cough*walmart*cough*) hiring people for just short of whatever hours made them eligible for insurance.

      • SisterArtemis

        “poverty is a state of mind”
        needz moar Billy Joel

    • Yr. Gma

      If it’s your own money that you earned by doing something with your bootstraps, then it is the way out of poverty, but if it’s money someone gives you (like welfare) it’s not.

      • sw19hoofywoofy

        … or a small loan of a million dollars from one’s father.

        • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

          Yes. Somehow inherited money is money that you earned. I don’t get that.

          • Ω cynmac will never surrender

            I’m getting an allowance from my dad’s trust to help me cuz I’m disabled. I feel like I’ve earned this money, that he will write off as a gift on his taxes, for all the assistance I gave my family when he bailed while my youngest two brothers were still in high school and my mom was so depressed that she slept on my sofa for six months. Yes, during the first year of my first marriage, in a 1000 sq ft house with one bathroom, I had 5 people in my house and I was paying all the bills. Fun times.

          • Msgr_MΩment

            Sounds like fair (but not sufficient) recompense for having had the bad foresight to choose to be born into that family.

          • Ω cynmac will never surrender

            Yeah. It took me three months to talk my dad into the allowance. I gave him my 2016 budget and then my updated 2017 budget to show him that the $1200/month would make a big difference.
            Earlier this spring, I didn’t answer calls from Social Security and they called my mom, who was listed as my secondary contact on my application.
            I am doing everything I can to get better and to make my situation stable.
            My dad told me that I needed to get a job and I reminded him of my “nickeled and dimed” experiment, except of course I didn’t call it that. I told him that I would, if I could just get 90 days straight of good health. It’s not worth looking like a job hopper and committing to things that I shouldn’t. He seems to get it and then he has to write a check and it pisses him off all over again.

          • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

            The difference is that I don’t believe that you are saying ” Other people are mooches because they need help from the government”

          • Ω cynmac will never surrender

            Sure I am NOT. I’ve been on unemployment during the Great Recession and I’ve applied for Social Security and Medicare. These aren’t welfare, since I’ve worked for 32 years and paid in the max for the majority of those years.
            Fuck the GOP for putting our social safety net in jeopardy. I’ve been fighting this shit since 2011 (Tea Party jackasses) and I’ll keep on.
            Peace out! /endrant

      • NastyBossetti

        If it’s money you got because the minimum wage was increased by the government, you don’t deserve it, ended up being the gist of the argument. You should better yourself, while you’re working multiple jobs to try to make ends meet. You can take night classes, you know!

    • OrG

      In the modern capitalist world,YES money is the way out of poverty.

      • sw19hoofywoofy

        But also not blaming your poverty on immigants, transexual restrooms and lesbian farmers.

        • amrak63

          How about transsexual lesbian immigrant restroom farmers?

          • Yr. Gma

            What do you farm in a restroom? (Forget I asked.)

          • Msgr_MΩment

            The MJ, if your state ain’t legal yet.

    • Incoming Ham

      What bugs me is recently the people I meet who say things like that is that they are usually 1 paycheck away from homelessness and would have no qualms asking for assistance if they were.

      They should have that assistance. It’s just a shame that they don’t think anyone else should.

      • OutOfOrbit

        well they alone have earned it

        • Incoming Ham

          Common good is one of those “wacky” concepts.

          • OrG

            They hate “Socialism” until they get hit by a hurricane.

    • OutOfOrbit

      tRump’s brain surgeon says poverty is just a state of mind

    • SisterArtemis

      You’re not the one who’s lost touch with reality.

  • sw19hoofywoofy

    105 minutes of bore draw still, in Austria v Spain…..

  • Shanzgood

    Did people see this yet? Why not to wear green on TV.

    https://twitter.com/mcjesse/status/890735104758296576

    • mancityRed6

      that tie at the end.

      • Shanzgood

        The Titanic scene!

        • Yr. Gma

          I like the gold/white/blue/black dress thing.

          • Shanzgood

            It took me a bit to figure out what that was.

          • puredog

            Last year’s memes are so last year.

    • BosGrl

      Her clothes are awful. I actually like her hair. But whoever is doing her makeup and putting that fur on her eyelids needs to be fired.

      • Yr. Gma

        I think that’s the guy Moochie just hired for her. She has that “preacher’s kid” fashion sense I remember from my youth. Trying to be “hip” but failing and looking more like “preacher’s mother.”

        • Ω cynmac will never surrender

          Or a Dugger. The meme “When you are so anti-gay that no one will do your hair”.

    • OutOfOrbit

      i got it but peeps, yuh gotta play it see it

      • Shanzgood

        That video does to my eyes what her accent does to my ears.

    • Goposaur

      I don’t think anyone should wear that shade of green anywhere, anytime.

      • OrG

        What about St. Patrick’s Day?

        • Yr. Gma

          Even then, but I do have a green scarf with shamrocks that I break out on St. P day so I don’t have to actually wear something that shade.

        • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

          Only if you’re a flaming redhead can you get away with a green dress like that. And only on St Pattys day.

          • Ω cynmac will never surrender

            I wear a slightly darker tone of green, more saturated, and it’s cute.

          • I wear slightly lighter Green, or less saturated Green tops with my Red wig, and they are flattering.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Yep and it is hilarious. You would think they would have learned from DJTjr’s t-shirt fun and games earlier this year. But of course not. They are really making this too easy.

    • puredog

      If she would do it in front of a green screen, her head and hands could just be floating there, which might be. . .riveting.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        “paranormal activity!”

        That’s not my joke, it’s a knee slapper of a moment from Bob’s Burgers I. can. NEVER. find. on youtube.

    • Bad Tom

      That’s hilarious!

  • Garbageman

    Oh, C’MON! . . . This Deleted Comments stuff is FAKE NEWS! . . . There’s no ALL CAPS in ANY of that EMAIL STUFF. . . . SAD!

  • geoffalnutt

    Flabby Cuck And The Skank-offs. Alternative heavy metal band.

    • The Wanderer

      They play a lot of MGTOW venues?

      • Bobathonic

        House band at the He-Man Women-Hater’s Club.

  • Jenny

    Ugh my son took a dump in the bathroom I’m painting. Guess I need to allow it more time to dry….

    • Yr. Gma

      I guess better your bathroom than mine?

      • Jenny

        “Mom why isn’t the Japanese toilet working??? You want me to wipe my butt with toilet paper?”

        • puredog

          Textbook First World Problem.

  • Raan
    • OutOfOrbit

      i would invite such an invasion cuz i like dikes more than men of any alphabet

      • Raan

        I’d invite it for the farm-fresh fruits and vegetables.

        • OutOfOrbit

          me not very fresh but i am a fruit, i guess, i dunno

        • Le Chapeau

          And there you have the reason for Rush’s fear of lesbian farmers — fresh fruits and vegetables. He has nightmares about them.

      • Yr. Gma

        I like farmers. They can move in here and plant the back 40 in weed and make all of us rich.

    • TJ Barke

      Well, technically, while gems have superficially female morphology, they are essentially genderless. I think…

    • puredog

      You mean I can grow me some lesbians from scratch? Kewl!

    • MilwaukeeKent

      Please?

    • geoffalnutt

      To hell with lesbian farmers. I grow my own.

      • Raan

        It’s great if you have the space.

  • puredog

    Yeah, only their friends read it, but they’ve got LOTS of friends. Who can ‘splain it? An odd concept to you SFB, I am sure.

  • sw19hoofywoofy

    Austria v Spain Ladyballs goes to penalties. I have lost the will to live.

    I sincerely hope the England v France game after this is eleventy billion percent better that that soulless 120-minute dirge.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Ladyballs?! I am intrigued.

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        I have huge ladyballs, made of brass. With everything I’ve been through in life (2 marriages, raising 2 kids, one a step, 25+ years in IT, 20 of which in the data center environment, and now 5 years of bad health and disabiity), my ladyballs are honed.

    • Raan

      For that matter, I’ve never fully understood why extra time is a thing instead of, say, stopping the clock during play stoppages.

      • sw19hoofywoofy

        I think if they stopped the clock in that regard: i.e. Injury Time, they’d have to tack on another 20 minutes. The game really has evolved into hurry-up-and-wait… unless you’re Spain, then it’s a dour death march trying to pass the opposition into submission.
        NB this is Extra time, if it’s a draw after 90 minutes, they play another 30 as punishment (to the spectators).

  • Reximus

    SCORE! Check out the campsite I just scooped for next weekend in Algonquin Park… Usually you need 6 months advance reservation on Pog Lake, but someone just cancelled, i persisted!

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c23a48998bb49324fe8eabb3e8945bd393884550f12d0ee89ae8bb0e2b6efa27.png

    • The Wanderer

      Looks good!

    • OutOfOrbit

      not scared of the wood elves? i am

      • Reximus

        Algonquin Park wood elves have healthcare! no problems from them

        • OutOfOrbit

          i know but just like spiders, they donut have to be dangerous to….to…to…shus….shhh…oh shit there’s one now! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

          • Canned Covfefe

            My sister and a good friend were each bitten by spider in last couple of weeks. Huge scary marks that look like something out of Xfiles. One was on antibiotics because of infection. They didn’t want her to start loosing her skin. Eeeekkk!

          • OutOfOrbit

            i KNooow! they CAN be bad for reelz

    • Yr. Gma

      Gorgeous. I miss the old days before corporate camping where you just rolled up in your VW van and pitched a pup tent.

      • OutOfOrbit

        now yuh gotta know sumbody to camp like that

      • SisterArtemis

        Come to Oregon, Yr. Gma. We still have that in the cascades.

        • Yr. Gma

          Last time we did that was in Oregon in a gorgeous campground on one of the Sisters. (I never can keep them straight.)

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        We have that in the state parks in GA. We also have RV sites and cabins. A real good selection of choices.

      • ltmcdies

        it can still be done…in BC only a percentage of sites are reservable, of course they are the better ones…

        • Richard Girlswin

          There are sites like that on a drive up basis twenty minutes from where I live.

    • puredog

      Watch The Revenant the day before you go. Just scroll in to the 25:00 mark.

      • Reximus

        our campground bears are just big racoons only more chickenshit, had a few wander through my campsites already

    • geoffalnutt

      Ah. Freshwater pogs. Takes me back.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        It’s Canada. I think it’s written pogues.

    • ltmcdies

      oh looks awesome…..I’ve camped Algonquin ….getting good sites can be tough.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    Looks like they care about Russia in TN.

    https://twitter.com/MrsSmh1/status/891509952208130048/video/1

    • The Wanderer

      The Russians are coming! The Russians are coming!

      • OutOfOrbit

        Holey socks, Bat Man!

        *Cleeean up on the Western Front”

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Don’t bother. They’re here.

        • amrak63

          I thought those were the clowns.

          Oh wait, the Russians installed the clowns in the Executive Branch.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Emergency. Please to get from strit.

    • amrak63
      • Grokenstein

        “Get over it…if you want to live.”

    • The GOP are all Grotesquely stupid, all Traitors, or both.

    • Shanzgood

      Also? THAT TIE!

      • BosGrl

        The grandkids gave it to him for Easter and his daughter said, geez, could you just wear it once?

        • OrG

          I like it. Just not on me.

    • amrak63

      Never forget–many of our McDucks, the same kind of people who finance the GOP today, traded with the Axis Powers EVEN AFTER PEARL HARBOR.

      Our new national anthem if the GOP traitors get their way:

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dZT5qlwrVMY

      • OrG

        The kochs made their fortune dealing with stalin.

      • Le Chapeau

        IBM aided and abetted the Holocaust. Every death camp had a bunker for its IBM punch card machines.

  • amb310

    I have a question, but as a lazy libtard I don’t feel like trying to find my own answer when someone else can give it to me for zero effort:

    What is the thing on Dr. Zoom’s head in his picture? The yellow thing that looks like a cube shaped hat.

    • Mary Theresa

      I think it’s a block of cheese?

      • amb310

        Government Cheese?

        • Mary Theresa

          Of course.

        • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

          Nope, gubmint cheese. There is a difference.

      • shastakoala

        Naw, it’s a pat of butter.

        • Yr. Gma

          Isn’t he sitting in a baked potato?

          • shastakoala

            Behind it. I wore the cheese hat. Nerds.

        • amb310

          This makes total sense now.

          Also, I’m hungry for a baked potato.

      • SisterArtemis

        BIG BLOCK OF CHEESE DAY RULZ!

    • OrG

      It’s a hat.

    • tehbaddr

      That’s his uplink device!

    • Helena Handbag

      I always thought he was doing a headstand on a yellow beanbag chair, like one does.

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      It’s a yellow inflatable cube shaped hat.

    • OrG

      Miniature beanbag chair?

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      I actually know the answer. It’s a butter hat. Dok was, at the time, pimping baked potatoes.

      I am not making this up.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        As one does.

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    I don’t know if this show is aired in the USA but it is really interesting. It’s about an American Harvard professor in ethics engaging in conversation about controversial topics with common Dutchmen, Europeans in general and Americans too.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-kjEIW5X_-k

    Really fun to watch and giving food for thought.

    • OutOfOrbit

      Harvard…phut

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        wut?

    • OrG

      Hey Robbertjan,I’m gonna be in Amsterdam in a couple of weeks. Where are the cool record stores?

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        Depends on what kind of music you like?

        • OrG

          Punk Rock.

          • Robbertjan Brandenburg

            I honestly have no idea but these guys should be able to help you out:

            http://www.theminds.nl/

          • OrG

            Thanks

          • Robbertjan Brandenburg

            And if you need anything else in the Netherlands, feel free to give a shout out.

    • Dick St. Dipshit

      Just like a libtard from Harvard to go talking to a bunch of foreigners.

    • BrendaKay

      That is good food for thought. I also watched the short one about discrimination (Abercrombie & Fitch hiring only good looking people…). I agree with him that democracy should be about reasoning together. Our problem is too many people in power who’s philosophy is more “You can’t tell me, by God, I know!”

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        Yeah I hope they put the entire shows online.

  • SisterArtemis

    Ok, got stood up by a client (ok, I should give him some credit, he’s running a fever), so listening to public radio. And this is an excellent segment from this week’s Ted Radio Hour. Subject of the whole show is “Beyond Tolerance.” As in, “tolerance” is not enough. Other show segments address abortion, politics and the middle east, and how conservatives and liberals need each other.

    and this one says things so much better than I can, but hit every nerve for me, in a good way. I would say it’s mistitled, because she really is talking more about action, and how you arrange your life.
    Verna Myers: How Can We Have A More Candid Conversation About Race?

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      I’ll try and listen to it. I think one of the problems is that a lot of middle class white people have no problem accepting Asians, African Americans, or Latinos-as long as they dress, speak, and behave exactly the same way as middle class white people. They don’t consider this to be racist, and resent it when it’s called out as racism.
      Because a racist is one of the worst things you can be, it’s never honestly discussed.

      • SisterArtemis

        I had it running while I was picking up the living room. Perfect way to absorb it.

  • guppy06

    High school this, high school that… no college-level freshman English classes to compare us to? And I usually see one’s high school described as their “old high school,” unless they’re actually still attending one.

  • I have 6 recepie tabs open for stuff I’m gonna get off my butt and whip up for breakfast and lunches this week. I am gonna be responsible!

    • Canned Covfefe

      I’m making candied ginger. Ginger was on sale. I’m hoping I have it down now. Afterwards I have lovely ginger liquid of teas and finger ale. Apparently some folks use it for cocktails but as much as I love ginger that doesn’t sound very appetizing.

      What recipes are on your list?

      How’s the new place?

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        I can no longer see or hear the word ‘ginger’ without hearing it in Patrick Stewart’s voice from that TV commercial. “Gin-jah!”

      • I am looking at taco cornbread waffles which i will make pico to go with, lemon poppyseed muffins that i am modifying to lime, paremsean wonton crackers, cornmeal cookies, and probably savoury tea biscuits with bacon and chives. I am currently waiting for my butter to thaw

        • Canned Covfefe

          Mmm, I’ll trade you some candied ginger. Will u also be cooking when we all escape from trumpland to your place?

          • Thanks for the offer of the ginger, but i’m not actually a fan of it. I’m gonna need some help cooking for all of you

      • Fun with Cthulhu

        Tell me more of this “finger ale”.

      • Jamoche

        Use ginger syrup in place of the simple syrup in a gimlet. It’s just enough to be tasty but not overpowering.

    • Shanzgood

      I found a recipe for bacon jam.

      http://12tomatoes.com/bacon-jam/

  • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

    I’d do my usual nitpicking of the deleted emails, but as a leftist, and a terminally lazy one at that, I just can’t be bothered. Have to rest up so I can drag my fat ass downtown tomorrow and cash that sweet, sweet welfare check. I’ll tool up there in my Mercedes, pick up muh check and go buy all the steak and lobster in the South Eastern United States. Then I’ll have ten abortions, Monday’s are slow on the abortion front. After that, I’ll take away fifty people’s guns and store them in FEMA death trailers. I’ll cap off the day by worshiping some pagan Eldergod while engaging in tons of gay sex, while enjoying a bit of cuckoldry.

    The take away? Party at my place tomorrow night! Bring those drugs we like!

    • Dick St. Dipshit

      And then I’ll go a-huntin’ bear with a switch.

    • Finnibar87

      I’m hosting a MS 13 ‘getting to know you’ event on Tuesday!

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        I’ll be there with bells on! Afterwards, we can all go to force good Christian bakers to bake us gay wedding cakes.

        • Finnibar87

          Go get our slice and dice on!

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        True story ~ I went to a street festival in midtown Atlanta and then Trader Joe’s, so it was getting dark when I was going to catch the bus home. The rentboys and prostitutes were staking their claim to spots on the street as I was headed to the bus stop. The rentboys were extra obnoxious. So a pimp with his wacked out ‘ho became my escort and they waited with me and my bags until the bus came.
        Having lived in the real ghetto, in my great grandmother’s house for 18 years, street people don’t really bother me. But I realized that this pimp was more chivalrous to me in that half hour than my own husband had been to me in ages, and it made divorce #2 all that much easier to deal with.

        • Yr. Gma

          I once had a hooker in the Tenderloin in San Francisco give me a kiss on the cheek and tell Gpa he better not be an asshole to me. We were looking for a taxi because Tenderloin. That nice hooker just decided she liked the looks of an old lady, I guess. It was very sweet and “girls looking out for each other” touching.

          • Msgr_MΩment

            OMG. You found the proverbial one with the heart of gold!

          • Ω cynmac will never surrender

            Very sweet.

    • Me not sure

      Do you have a free gov’t purchased scoot-a-round? I’ll bring mine and we can race! https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/62f6323fea1ac78eac76141b3d108c01521969db90a5037ff82418d567b0ab68.jpg

      • The Wanderer

        The Stig has truly fallen upon hard times.

        • Me not sure

          Today we are all The Stig.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Do you want me to show up in time for the gay sex? And does that come before or after the drugs we like?

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        Yes and yes.

  • Grokenstein

    Perhaps Jacob got called away to his own vital job of reshaping America through dank memes. Perhaps some black people passed through his neighborhood and he had to lock himself in his underground survival shelter. But the most likely outcome is that Mom found out what he was doing and took away his Internet privs.

    • Finnibar87

      There was a blah Jehovah’s Witness near, and pure panic ensued.

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        They came to my condo once. I wasn’t having a good day (witchipoo hair, t-shirt and shorts, barefoot with my dog barking) and when I opened the door, they said sorry and walked away, unprovoked.

        • Finnibar87

          I am always pleasant, in spite of my free thinking ways.

          • I used to be pleasant until a Witness tried a staredown contest with me at a retail store. I grinned at her until her handlers or whatever-the-fuck they are escorted her out. I saw real fear on the male’s face, so I gave him a pleasant smile.

            Let Cultists beware. I am *not* a nice woman.

        • Jamoche

          I’d just given my cocker spaniel a bath after her very first obedience lesson in a muddy field. When she saw new people she reacted like any untrained cocker and popped up on her hind legs to be pet – leaving wet footprints just above their knees. Yep, that was a short visit.

        • BosGrl

          LOL!

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          mercifully, the ones in my neighborhood only seem to speak spanish…so if I do open the door, they ask me if I speak spanish, I say no, it’s all done with.

  • Suttree

    /ffs Am I really at Lizzie’s house helping her pack to move 5 hours away? I mean yeah, it takes me 2 hours at best to come and see her on a normal weekend, but……… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p4cJv6s_Yjw

    • Canned Covfefe

      What the hell happened? I obviously missed some things around here.

      • Shanzgood

        Its job-related.

      • Suttree

        She was out of work, and got a new job in central NY.

        • Msgr_MΩment

          Sillycuse? Albania?

          • Suttree

            Sillycuse

    • BosGrl

      :(

  • Finnibar87

    I was at a movie theater last night in Atlanta, and kept smiling at how the scene was quite likely the stuff of all nightmares for Trump idolizers and Jacob.

  • FukuiSanYesOta

    /ffs I’m still at home nursing a skull fracture I picked up on Tuesday after having a blood pressure related blackout on an escalator.

    I’m not even supposed to be using this phone due to seizure risk AND I can’t drink.

    Now THAT is a shitty week.

    • Shanzgood

      Holy crap, dude! An actual fracture?

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        Yep, temporal bone. Clean though, so it should fix itself.

        • Shanzgood

          How long will that take?

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            2-3 weeks, but gotta be careful with it.

        • ~hugs~

    • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

      Yes. Yes it is. Sympathies, and take care of yourself.

    • ~hugs~ FukuiSan.

      Take care of yourself.

    • Le Chapeau

      I think you checked off all of the qualifications for shitty week. dang. Heal up!

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      I worry about you. Have you talked to a medical prof about those blackouts?

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        Going in wednesday.

    • amrak63

      May the Ascended Madoka protect you.

    • miss_grundy

      Get well soon! I’ve been overdosing on Diet Coke lately…….

    • Fun with Cthulhu

      Please don’t mess around with skull related injuries.I understand that the brain is somewhere around there. ((((hugs)))))

    • bobbert

      Jesus. You’re really having kind of a shitty year. Best wishes.

    • Yr. Gma

      That sucks, truly. Go take a nap. (Escalators are lethal.)

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      Ok, gonna leave the phone alone now. Miss you guys.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      I hope you keep the phone down and don’t read this, but fast recovery.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Take it easy. Can you sit outside in the shade and sip lemonade?….

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      It’s good to know you’re healing, but sheesh, put the phone down! We ain’t goin’ anywhere. We’ll be here when you get back.

    • Cock Blockula

      You take care. We are all rooting for you…

  • DainBramage
    • What in the Everloving fuck is this shit?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      I was just about to post this! Reservoir Derps, indeed!

    • Reximus

      “Learn to fuckin’ type” – Mr Pink

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      This is supposed to impress..who, exactly? Looks like a bunch of D listers after the coke ran out and the club closed at 7am

      • OrG

        The rubes.

      • BosGrl

        The types who think this is cool and OMG I want to be like them! O.o

      • miss_grundy

        The Republican base–the ignoramuses who voted for the trust fund baby and his criminal associates.

    • Le Chapeau

      Good Lord indeed. Not to mention Jesus H. Christ on a cracker. Reservoir Derps.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      I recog Gherkin and Minnie the Mooch. Is that OMGrossa and Lewandouchebag?

      • miss_grundy

        Isn’t that Corey Lawandowski (or however his last name is spelled) leading the parade and pointing at whomever????

    • Bozilingus

      “Hey, I’m walking here!”

    • Msgr_MΩment

      From the fact that both his index fingers (indices?) are frozen in extended position, I’ll assume that using that particular finger is a big part of his job description.

    • miss_grundy

      Are these Tangerini’s “best people“?????

      • The Wanderer

        Not with pastel ties.

    • Canis Greyhame

      It’s like a heist movie where everyone is the secret villain.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Douche and Douchier?
      Douchception?
      “Lady” and Les Douches?

    • Msgr_MΩment
    • Kiri the Unicorn

      It’s the parade of shame and wasted lives! Mediocrities, all! Needz moar red rubber noses and floppy shoes! If you see any of these people, do not attempt to apprehend!

      • AuntyMaude

        They have arms and are dangerous!

    • AuntyMaude

      I’m focused on the red high heels. I know that lady’s (Omarosa, perhaps?) dogs must be barking.

    • ryp

      I don’t know who the guy in the very back is, but the other four are all reasons Kelly will fail to bring order to the WH.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Alex P. Keaton has sure done well for himself.

    • puredog

      “TEH AUTHORITEH OF THIS PIC WILL NOT BE QUESTIONED!”

  • Bozilingus
    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      It’s been working for us for over 150 years.

  • miss_grundy

    Just got a flash from the NY Times. Pooty is having a major hissy fit and has said that all 755 U.S. diplomats must leave Russia now. How many Russian diplomats will Tangerini throw out? Any guesses? Anybody????

    • Canis Greyhame

      And as a parting gift, everyone gets a copy of the alleged pee tape?

    • OrG

      NOT,K?

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      Bet they are wishing for all those Obama holdovers in the State Department

    • William

      It looks like our legislators are taking the lead on this Russian thing. The sanctions are veto proof. Cheeto-shithead will simply have to nod his head and smile. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/d61481688d9d6861b364f79bfaec4ee0fc8886ab1168fcfaf67c4084ee1f1c91.jpg

      • Canis Greyhame

        Smile for cameras. Good. Now report status of very shiny asset. His performance has been less than satisfactory, no?

        • Msgr_MΩment

          “Less than satisfactory?! Tell me about it, Vladimir Vladimirovich.”

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Has she ever smiled that widely for the donald?…

      • puredog

        Ex- was writing personals ad for her aged horny dad. He was. . .a compact man, but well-to-do. She came up with “tall, when he stands on top of his money.”

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      The whole White House Staff?

      • miss_grundy

        Hmmmm, I don’t think you are counting all of them…

  • William
  • OrG

    O/T I will be out of the country when my tomatoes start getting ripe :(
    I will be out of the country :)

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Nice gift for a nearby friend or neighbor perhaps? Pick-yer-own.

      • OrG

        Neighbors have been told to pick anything that’s ripe.

        • Martini Ambassador 🍸

          That’s nice of you. Maybe you’ll get some pickled or canned produce in reciprocity. Start dropping hints about really loving homemade salsa.

  • OT – I was watching Heartbreak Ridge, but I can’t deal with Eastwood and his Bullshit anymore, so I switched to Aliens. Sigourney Weaver is the Bomb, Yo.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      I’m the same sometimes. I can’t really enjoy most movies anymore when I know the actors are awful people.

      • I’ve been watching a couple of Mel Gibson movies and I still enjoyed The Road Warrior and We Were Soldiers but HR and Eastwood’s toxic masculinity are a bridge too fucking far.

        • Jeff Ackerman

          Eastwood never outgrew the Dirty Harry roles years ago.

          • miss_grundy

            I don’t think he ever outgrew Wagon Train….

          • My late Mom was into Rawhide so I bought her a DVD set for her birthday a few years ago.

            Eastwood’s character on there was a male Bimbo, as stupid as a stump. I think nows it was Method Acting.

          • NellCote71

            Rawhide.

          • miss_grundy

            Sorry, I confused the shows in my brain….

    • ltmcdies

      I stopped dealing with Eastwood “bullshit” about the same time he started adversarial conversation with empty chairs.

  • Just finished up the eleven year old’s birthday party and sent everyone home. Turns out those kids can eat an enormous amount of cupcakes. Some parents are going to be scraping kids off of the walls and ceilings tonight.

    • DainBramage

      I’m sure those other parents will return the favor.

      • I sent cupcakes home for the parents, too, so maybe they’ll forgive me.

    • BosGrl

      They won’t eat them if they don’t like them, though, so you did good, mom! :)

      • One kid just kept eating the tops — the part with the frosting. Apparently the cake part wasn’t as interesting. But I made the frosting myself, too, so I guess I did OK.

        There was also a cake — my daughter wanted a strawberry cake, so I made that plus a few batches of yellow cake cupcakes, because I figured that with my luck, someone would be allergic to/not like strawberries. But as it turned out, the cake was three quarters of the way gone in what seemed like a few minutes. I squirreled the rest away and left the cupcakes out so that my husband and teenager could have some of the strawberry cake when they get home from work tonight.

        • BosGrl

          Mmmm… strawberry cake…

          • That came out really well! I keep trying to approximate all my grandmother’s cake recipes. Which is tough, because she didn’t have them written down and used the “some of this, a little of that, a pinch of the other” method of measuring ingredients. I think this one was as close as I’ve gotten on the strawberry cake. I pretty much have the red velvet perfected now.

          • BosGrl

            I wish I had my grandmother’s recipes. I will, however, inherit my mom’s handwritten index cards :). I’ve never tried strawberry, but I do make a mean carrot cake.

    • Doug Langley
  • Husband Of Mrs God

    Of course, even one time loop story is an endless series of stories.

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      I remember you saying that 35,774 iterations ago.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        I hope you have better than a 16-bit iteration counter. Otherwise, it will get to 65535, roll around back to zero, and then you will have forgotten that you have ever seen that. It happened to me, I think, before I went to a 64-bit counter so that I could keep count of GOP fuck-ups.

        • Komsumverweigerer Ron

          … dammit, the rollover counter’s up to 19,331…

  • The Wanderer

    Hmm. I think I shall watch Deadpool tonight – just peel the brain back and let The Stupid soak in while I wash uniforms. Busy days coming up before I drop off Wonkette this coming weekend.

  • Canis Greyhame

    Watch out! Tuesday might be the day Trump finally attempts to murder everyone’s insurance coverage on 5th Avenue, then try to pin his crime on the black guy.
    https://twitter.com/ASlavitt/status/891692538066853888

    • Marla

      2 minutes later, the entire GOP will be sabotaged.

    • Bill D. Burger
    • Bozilingus

      Donnie probably plans to not pay for the bills.

      • Canis Greyhame

        It is his signature move.

        • Bozilingus

          He is a one dick trick pony.

    • BosGrl

      This is fucking ridiculous. He is not Emperor. Congress needs to stay in session not only for a possible recess appointment for AG but for shit like this and they need to curb Fuckstick’s power.

    • Husband Of Mrs God

      I see, it might be possible to frame Sec’y Of HUD for this.

    • miss_grundy

      Hmmm, will any of the GOP congress critters or senators read him the riot act?

  • Husband Of Mrs God
    • Yr. Gma

      That was shitty casting.

      • Husband Of Mrs God

        How so? Do you feel this actor did not play the part well?

        • Yr. Gma

          He didn’t live up to the hype.

          • puredog

            Though I fully loved me some Lost, if someone claimed that was Lost’s motto, I’d be hard-pressed to refute it.

    • Richard Girlswin

      Could it be… Satan?

  • Bill D. Burger

    Looks like ‘nice’ time is over.

    [755 US diplomats must leave Russia: Putin

    AFPJuly 30, 2017

    Moscow (AFP) – President Vladimir Putin said 755 US diplomats must leave Russia and warned ties with Washington could be gridlocked for a long time, in a move Sunday that followed tough new American sanctions.

    Putin added that an upturn in Russia’s relations with Washington could not be expected “any time soon”.

    “We have waited long enough, hoping that the situation would perhaps change for the better,” he said.]

    https://www.yahoo.com/news/755-us-diplomats-must-leave-russia-putin-181315699.html?soc_trk=gcm&soc_src=69f70237-124f-3ea9-acd0-fc922af945e2&.tsrc=notification-brknews

    Oh Donny! ___ Vladimir to Donny!

    https://i2.wp.com/myshingle.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/Screen-Shot-2016-08-15-at-6.53.04-AM.png?fit=1156%2C840&ssl=1

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Wow. We haven’t had this many diplomats have to prematurely return to the States since Donnie fired all our ambassadors.

    • Jeff Ackerman

      Romance over?
      production.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fuploads%2Fcard%2Fimage%2F88619%2Flovewins.jpg

      • Bill D. Burger

        ♪♪ Oh it’s sad when a love affair dies….♪♪

    • Bozilingus

      Vlad to Donnie: Keep the change…
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4dGOfFbzvq4

    • Doug Langley

      Wow. Talk about buyer’s remorse.

    • yyyaz

      The make-up sex should be interesting.

    • puredog

      WaPo: “It also indicates that Russia has apparently abandoned its hopes for
      better relations with the U.S. under the Trump administration.”
      Yo, Vlad, landsman — any reason to keep holding on to that pee tape?

  • Husband Of Mrs God

    Wonkette is quite wealthy with friends and family.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Hmmm….Interesting.
    ~snort~ An aside I just noticed….but interesting if true. Be wrong not to repost it.

    [BREAKING NEWS: Anthony Scaramucci Follows Gay Porn Star Blake Mitchell on Twitter!!!
    BY JAMES ST. JAMES ON JULY 28, 2017 2:09 PM

    We’ve just learned that White House Communications Director Anthony Scaramucci is a Twitter follower (and big fan?) of gay porn star/twink god Blake Mitchell. Mitchell just noticed the follow (“Wait… what?” was his adorable response), and Twitter monitoring website DOESFOLLOW confirmed it.

    Suddenly Scaramucci’s crack about Bannon sucking his own cock takes on a whole new meaning…]

    http://worldofwonder.net/breaking-news-anthony-scaramucci/?utm_source=fark&utm_medium=website&utm_content=link&ICID=ref_fark

    • Yr. Gma

      Okay, I am not versed in the ways of pron, so I don’t know if sucking one’s cock is a thing or if it’s even possible. However, it sounds painful, what with the strained back muscles and all. I’m pretty sure Bannon doesn’t do it because surely that gut gets in the way.

      • Msgr_MΩment
        • Yr. Gma

          Thank you. You can always count on Wikipedia.

          • Msgr_MΩment

            I like how they explained Scarymoocher’s allusion to the practice.

        • Bozilingus

          I thought autofellatio was when you get a BJ in a car.

          • Bill D. Burger

            Isn’t that Audifellatio? It’s confusing. I admit.

          • Msgr_MΩment

            It was a BJW.

        • Zyxomma

          I’ve seen it in Shortbus; I don’t watch porn.

    • Husband Of Mrs God

      ^^!
      This is going down a rabbithole — or something. Gerbil hole?

      • kareemachan

        sHREW HOLE…

    • Serai 1

      Is there corroboration of this? Because it’s delicious beyond words, but I don’t want to fall in love only to get my heart broken.

  • Marla

    Don’t remember if my white trash high school actually had a newspaper so I have no idea what welfare/Soros/Commie plot to judge it against. If we did it was probably the weekly Propaganda Times where sports programming, hatred for anything artistic and/or cultural was emphasized and a blind alliance to war and George Bush were the headlines between the socialization of how the lower classes should worship popular people because they were getting a piece of ass and could afford to go to college.

  • Ducksworthy

    Maybe Donnie could send Vlad a make-up present?

    https://youtu.be/i9qv8RSreIM

    • DainBramage

      Tie is too short. #FakeBear

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      It will sexually assault all your kids’ plushies, clean out your jewelry box, alienate your friends, and make you a pariah in your own town.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        And you’ll end up throwing out all your bedding.

    • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

      It needs to be a talking bear and say things like “You’re fired” and “bigly.”

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        “Grab ’em by the pussy! When you’re a bear they let you do it!”

        • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

          “Only I can fix it!” “Make America Great Again!”

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            “Laundry Day is FAKE NEWS!”

          • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

            “Lock her up!”

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            “The velveteen rabbit is a LOSER! SAD!”

        • guppy06

          Only if they’re a goldilocks…

      • amrak63

        “Make our pic-a-nic baskets great again!”

      • amrak63

        “No illegal-immigrant pinatas! BUILD THE WALL!”

        • kareemachan

          “LOCK HIM UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOCK HIM UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

      • Serai 1

        It’s not hard to add a talking element to one of these toys.

    • Steve Cole

      This is for realz? The web site is live right down to the shopping cart! I’m either grossed out or jealous of the chutzpah on display. “Veterans love Trumpy Bear”… wow… this is some class 1A grift.

      • Husband Of Mrs God

        I suppose if I were to listen to some RW talk radio, I would hear the hosts work a pitch into their chit-chat.

      • Serai 1

        If I had $40 spare, I’d buy one just so I could post insane pictures of it.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      When fascism comes to America, It will come as a badly-made toy bear with a flag stuffed up its ass.

      • Steve Cole

        Made in China. And actors pretending to be military veterans will claim it helps cure erectile disfunction. Truly amazed it not also come w/a secret pocket for “precious the handgun”.

      • Husband Of Mrs God

        Skin made in China, stuffing in US plant built by taxpayers for $250k/job.

        • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

          Skin made in China? Or from real bears murdered by Usay and Qusay?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Make
      America
      Grizzly
      Again.

      • Steve Cole

        “I am the storm!!” OoooRah!

      • kareemachan

        Hey, I’ve met brown bears and you, shitgibbon, are no brownie.

    • Zyxomma

      The red tie isn’t nearly long enough, and showed no scotch tape.

    • Serai 1
    • (((Aron)))

      Let’s run it up the flagpole and see if anyone salutes?

    • (((Aron)))

      Also, I’m fairly certain that bear violates the Flag Code.

      I thought Republicans opposed that?

    • theCryptofishist

      $40? What a ripoff.

  • RobKanC

    I once knew a raccoon like this Jacob guy. He was hissing at me when I went to chase him away from the trash bag he was ripping out. But then I got us both a pizza and suddenly he was like my best friend. We ate pizza and drank beer that night and ten years later, he is probably dead cos he is a raccoon. I am sorry, I trailed off , what were we talking about?

  • Mind you, if high school newspapers are writing like Yr Wonkette now, then high school administrators have really gotten a lot more permissive than we thought they were.

    In my day we had to hide our dick jokes. This, of course, was the fallout from earlier generations of reporters who bravely printed “Dick Nixon before he dicks you.”

  • Thank God Trump is going to make you work for your welfare!

    Dude, if you work for welfare that’s just something called “work”, duh.
    https://i.imgflip.com/1tbfzk.jpg

    And if you could find a brain you wouldn’t be a dummy

  • Alternative Dog

    Also, why do you think it is that there are no real female, chess grandmasters?

    Perhaps it’s because brilliant women choose to do something more socially useful with their extraordinarily high intelligence? Like, say, developing the software that allowed humans to set foot on the moon. Or conducting groundbreaking research into high energy particle physics.

    The latter is one of my personal favorites because she’s a Frank Zappa fan.

    • Husband Of Mrs God

      Hey, Alternative Dog. How about that Evelyn and her observations on short person behavior?

      • Alternative Dog

        Arf, she said.

      • John Thorstensen

        Especially in pedal-depressed pancrhomatic resonance, and other highly ambient domains.

    • kareemachan

      My kid is into genomics (post-grad). So FUCK this asshole who doesn’t even know what genomics is.

    • ahughes798

      She likes things that are complicated!

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    Our big excitement of the evening is that the scrawny stray that has been showing up in our backyard since about two weeks ago has figured out how to get into our enclosed kitty-yard area. Our smallest (and fiercest) kitty was not amused. Everybody in the house! Stray kitty gets the whole yard for the evening. We’ve been giving her, the stray, leftovers from our brood and she is proving a ravenous eater. Today, before the yardside confrontation, she turned over and showed me her belly. As skinny as she is, the discoloration around her nipple area makes me think she might be pregnant. Ug. I hate that some of our country neighbors abandon their cats during summer vacation and I hate more that they do not spay and neuter their kitties. We have plans to capture little stray and bring her to the vet or the nearby shelter (better, because they can rehome kittens if needed, but not sure about walk-in policy) this week to see what to do next. Poor baby. We’ll probably adopt her, assuming she’s healthy and FHIV-free, but we already have four so kittens are out of the question. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a05def49cc29f3c1b8522d5bff271ec680f65f0e0810423d6f2472e6f8b6750b.jpg

    • Bill D. Burger

      ~applause~

      https://shechive.files.wordpress.com/2014/06/gif-youre-awesome.gif

      And that’s a sweet lil’ tuxedo kitty, btw.

      • ChiefOfStaffCaptainHowdy

        . . . bunk . . . bunk . . . bunk . . .

    • tehbaddr

      Hi, I’m Bob Barker, remember to spay and neuter your “country neighbors”.

    • Truck Fump

      I am taking one to SNAP (Spay Neuter Assistance Program) for my aunt. It’s a little stray momma that showed up and is probably pregnant. SNAP with spay and terminate pregnancy for low cost. May want to see if there is one in your area.

      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        I think there are similar organizations around here, but navigating French bureaucracy is a pain in the neck–kittens might be born by the time I figure that shit out.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      Neighbors once brought me a sweet calico kitty about 8 months old that they found wandering in their yard, obviously dumped by someone because she loved people. Neighbors said “You like cats, you can find her a home.” But sweet calico kitty was 2 weeks pregnant, and she also had fleas, which meant I couldn’t use any flea treatments from then until the kittens were 8 weeks old or it could harm the kittens, according to the vet, who also said he couldn’t ethically neuter her and abort the kittens (I don’t blame him, but do we really need more unwanted kittens?). 6 weeks later I had 6 kittens and I was covered with flea bites and 14 weeks later it cost me $250 to de-flea all the carpets in the house. P.S. I found them all homes. P.P.S. My cat Isabelle just threw up on the $1600 area rug as I wrote this.

      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        You are a good person. The things we do for our kitties.

        • Angela Ruzzo

          Thanks. Isabelle threw up again today. She has a sensitive stomach. I have tried every food available and she still throws up several times a week. I think she eats too fast. But what’s a little puke between friends, say I?

          • Martini Ambassador 🍸

            One of mine was found by the shelter people “in the wild.” I think because of her early life food insecurities, she tends to wolf her food down. And that means a few puke sessions a month. It used to be almost daily, but she’s regulating a bit as she’s spending time with us. But she’s certain to remind me when it’s feeding time :)

            New kitty might be the same. She really chows down. We took her to the vet today and got a clean bill of health (and no pregnancy!). We take her back Thurs for sterilization. But she’s still wild, went a little nuts when we tried to keep her inside. So… hopefully she’ll continue to stick close by so we can recapture her for Thursday.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Isabelle won’t drink still water, I had to buy a pet fountain, and I find she pukes less if I clean it thoroughly and change the water every few days. I think she is Autistic. There is no logical or scientific reason why animals can’t have Autism, but nobody has done any research on this subject. She has all the symptoms that Autistic people have, so why not? Nobody would adopt her because she was so reserved and distant and wouldn’t be touched. She lived with me for 4 years (on the top shelf in my closet) before she began to show me any affection. Now she loves me, probably because I left her alone to do her own thing.

            Congrats on new kitty not being pregnant.

      • kareemachan

        That’s what cats do – projectile vomit as a way of thanking you. Our cat did it three days ago…

      • sarafina

        When I first moved to Texas there were cats (not feral, very friendly) around the apartment. I took the pregnant one to the vet, told them I didn’t think TX needed any more kittens right then and they aborted/fixed the mom, who then went to a very nice home.

      • ahughes798

        Your vet is ridiculous. I know kittens are cute, but still…the world doesn’t need more kittens that need homes.

        • Angela Ruzzo

          I agree. I used logic and reason to no avail. He just said he had ethics and couldn’t do it. He was the only vet for 20 miles. I could have driven 15 more miles to another vet but for some reason I didn’t. I don’t live in that godforsaken rural hellhole anymore.

      • Bitter Scribe

        A few years ago my best friend committed suicide, leaving behind a cat. I couldn’t take her in because I’m badly allergic, and he had no family in this country. My downstairs neighbors offered to foster her but wanted to get her declawed. This made me uneasy, but if it was her claws or her life…

        Luckily the story has a relatively happy ending: They found a friend to take her in who didn’t believe in declawing either.

        • Angela Ruzzo

          I’m sorry to hear about your best friend, that’s very distressing. I have mixed feelings about declawing. 20 years ago I had this wonderful cat named Ashurbanipal (Ashur for short), and I trained him as a kitten not to get on countertops or claw furniture, and he behaved impeccably until he was 7 years old, and suddenly he started shredding all my furniture. I tried everything anyone suggested to stop him, but nothing worked. It was either buy new furniture every year or declaw Ashur, so I reluctantly had him declawed. He appeared to be oblivious afterwards and kept trying to claw the furniture for another 8 years. He was an indoor cat, so it was safe to do this. I think declawing should be done only as a last resort. A friend of mine had her cat declawed because the cat was clawing an expensive rug. I said “Buy a cheap rug and put it somewhere where the cat can get at it” but she wouldn’t do it. That solution works great for my current cats – they prefer to shred the cheap rug, although they choose to throw up on the expensive one. Every 3 years I buy a new cheap rug, so everyone is happy.

    • CindyinEncinitas

      I have a neighbor has a kitty who likes to hang out with me. So much so that a few months ago my neighbor asked me to stop letting him in and giving him any food. For the past couple of weeks i have watched him lose weight and his coat has gotten dull and he lies in the dirt all the time. I believe he has worms and when i saw the neighbor today I said hey your cat looks sick. He said yeah i need to take him in. Instantly I started to worry that he’s not going to. The cat has obviously had something wrong for a couple of weeks. I’m wondering about the right words to get him to do something before the cat dies.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Offer to take the kitty in yourself. Tell neighbor you know a good vet and can get him a 20% discount if YOU take kitty in. It’s a lie, but who cares? So you spend a few bucks to cover the alleged discount. Can you afford that?

        • CindyinEncinitas

          Not really.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Are there low-cost veterinary services anywhere near you? My local Humane Society offers these every 3 months or so. They have some kind of grant to subsidize it.

          • CindyinEncinitas

            I have been looking and will keep doing so. While i fight my impulse to get in his face.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I run into this all the time. Just between you and me and the gatepost, 30 years ago I had a neighbor who was neglecting his cat, and I let her inside and kept her there and let the neighbor think his cat had disappeared. I kept her for 2 months, fed her up and had her neutered, and then I found her a home. Neighbor never had a clue. I am a bit ashamed that I did this, but at the time I couldn’t think of anything else to do, because it was a real case of neglect.

          • puredog

            Upfists!

          • CindyinEncinitas

            Bless you. Maybe I could rehome him. My friend has been talking about getting a kitten…

          • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

            Don’t be ashamed; be proud. You did the right thing.

          • kareemachan

            You, me, the gatepost, and all cats thank you.

          • CindyinEncinitas

            Dude, you are absolutely right. It’s the best way. That cat gets no flea treatments at all, is locked out all night… I am done. It’s handled.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            You Are Woman, I Hear You Roar! (or meow, as the case may be).

          • disqus_DCiinn37br

            That’s an amazing act of kindness, and absolutely the right thing to do. There is nothing to feel ashamed about in such a kind act. I hope I never have to experience such a situation, but if I do I’d do all I could including doing that.

          • kareemachan

            Please resist. We had renters next door who proudly told us they trained their dogs to bark at everybody and everything cuz… reasons.

            First time I’ve ever talked to cops about pet issues.

          • CindyinEncinitas

            I’m not going to say anything to him. I hate it when I am at odds with neighbors.

          • kareemachan

            [sigh]

      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        Oh God, that’s hard to watch. My parents had a similar feud with a neighbor who was neglecting his cats but didn’t want my folks to interfere. This went on for years, and my parents just ended up feeding them anyway. Offered to pay for vet care too, but neighbors were not interested. Jerks moved away and ended up abandoning the remaining cat. He hangs out exclusively with my folks now.

        • puredog

          When I most recently lived in Seattle, my GF took pity on a neglected cat a neighbor had. The kittehz’s coat was matted beyond belief. Believing in direct action rather than needless confrontation, she just kidnapped the cat and took it to the vet to get shaven. Somehow the neighbor found out about it and began to stalk us. We had to get a restraining order against him. Because she was my gf and she was in the right (mostly) and because I am a lawyer, I ended up representing her. Said greaseball neighbor continued to stalk us, within the terms of the restraining order (if it said 100 yards, he was careful to stay 101 yards away). Another good reason to leave Seattle, which we did.

          • kareemachan

            In 1999, a friend’s neighbor decided to live in Hawaii cuz END OF THE WORLD!!!!111!!!! Thus, we ended up with the most wonderful 3-legged cat EVER which we named “Theo” (short for Theodolite – you know, the instrument that is used on a 3-legged stand). She came back after a few months and asked our friend where her cats (THAT SHE ABANDONED) were. Theo lived a long and love-filled life with us and SCREW HER.

          • Le Chapeau

            Wow, quelle jerk.

        • Le Chapeau

          My aunt lived in a trailer park when she and uncle were first married, and the low-life mom in a nearby trailer often didn’t feed her baby, probably drunk, and the kid cried all the time. My aunt got fed up, got a big piece of 2 by 4, and walked over to the other trailer, started beating on the aluminum with all her might, and yelled “Get off your ass and feed that baby!” Took a couple of treatments, but it worked.

      • Bitter Scribe

        No wonder the cat likes to hang with you. You’re the only human in his life who’s nice to him.

    • Snopes Shop

      New cars worming their way into our lives is life at is best

      • Snopes Shop

        Cats. Not cars. Cats.

        • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

          I wouldn’t mind a new car worming its way into my life. Miss Pepper might take issue with a new cat, however.

          • kareemachan

            We now have a new boat worming iits way into our lives. Does that count?

            ETA: We heart cats.

        • ahughes798

          And that’s why we have seven, dammit. We both have (invisible to humans) stamps on our foreheads that say “Here kitty kitty.These folks areSuckers!”

      • Serai 1

        Frodo walked up and demanded his way into mine. He was 8 weeks old, bold as brass.

  • William

    Ha,Ha,Ha,Ha,Ha,Ha,Ha. Rick Joyner: Chaos In The White House Is Proof Trump Is An ‘Extraordinary Leader,’ Just Like Jesus

    http://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/rick-joyner-chaos-in-the-white-house-is-proof-trump-is-an-extraordinary-leader-just-like-jesus/

    • Msgr_MΩment

      “Blessed are the Closers…..”

      • Steve Cole

        …for they shall have coffee

        • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

          ABC.
          “A”, always.
          “B”, be.
          “C”, covfefe.

        • kareemachan

          THAT’S COFEVEVE

          OR WHATEVER.

    • AJ Milne

      So where’s that Judas guy when you really need him?

      (I write this with wry amusement, imagining the howls from the bought and paid for if and when Donnie _does_ finally wind up before the judge. There’ll be a lot of that, I figure. Ah, our orange messiah, how could they? All he wanted was our love… Also millions in grift. And absolute power at a level that would turn a centuries old democratic republic into a mockery of its history. And immunity for crimes would put most people away for multiple consecutive life sentences. And a free pass to every high school cheerleaders locker room on the planet. And…’)

      • Angela Ruzzo

        We’ve got lots of Pontius Pilates, washing their hands and passing the buck, but you’re right, we don’t have a Judas. Unless Judas is the Stone Dossier?

        • AJ Milne

          Maddeningly, I can’t seem to find a way to set ’30 pieces of silver’ as the target on GoFundMe.

          • theCryptofishist

            You’re lucky. Do you actually want to kiss Trump?

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Not really. But I have this feeling that he doesn’t kiss very well, and I kiss very well (or so I’ve been told) and it’s always nice to have a chance to show off one’s superiority and teach someone how to do it better. But on second thought, I’ll pass on this one.

          • miss_grundy

            But, but, the cooties! Eeeeewwwwww….

          • alpacapunchbowl

            For years, even before our current daily nightmare, I’ve thought that he looks like he has bad breath. And now that I think about it, the tic tac comment just may have proven me right.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            You’re probably right. It surprises me how many people have bad breath. I went to an Eye specialist 2 months ago, and you know how close your face is to theirs when they are checking your eyes, and he had horrible breath.

          • AJ Milne

            Oh no. My plan is to raise this to _pay_ the Judas. Can’t quite get that role directly myself…

            (Granted, you raise a good point. Might cost a bit more than that in this case.)

    • Angela Ruzzo

      I saw that. Jesus had orange hair and grabbed pussy? The nuns never told me that.

    • amrak63

      The word “blasphemy” comes to mind.

    • Canis Greyhame

      It’s the same kind of people always finding Jesus imprinted in a slice of moldy bread, or a dead tree stump. So it’s not terribly surprising they would somehow manage to squint-out an image of Jesus while looking at Trump, I guess.

    • Snopes Shop

      And Christians will concur

    • Bitter Scribe

      Yeah, Rick, keep telling yourself that.

  • Zyxomma

    Dok, it’s great that you and Rebecca can respond with such dignity and grace. Well done, well done.

  • CindyinEncinitas

    I think Two Minutes Hate is on the menu at Chin’s up the street. It’s got bamboo shoots, onions, salted pork and a bitter sauce.

    • kareemachan

      I’d eat it/him/whoever.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      That sounds pretty good.

  • Jennaratrix

    I just… I mean, it’s not even interesting ad hominem attacks. Skankopf? Dr. Fat? Feminists are stinky? On the one hand, I want them to try harder. On the other, it’s pretty damn easy to brush it off if this is all they can come up with.

    • amrak63

      If Dr. Fat is anything like Wo Fat, you better not mess with him!

      • puredog

        You mean Chow Yun-Fat? Word.

        • amrak63

          Wo Fat was a Chinese spy who was a frequent antagonist of Steve McGarrett on the original Hawaii Five-O.

          But yes, Chow Yun-Fat would be even more dangerous if we’re talking about personal combat.

          • puredog

            I bow, abashed.

          • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

            Chow Yun-Fat is pretty bad ass too.

      • CripesAmighty

        Book ‘im, Dano!

        • amrak63

          The original Five-O was my favorite cop show when I was a kid.

          • Le Chapeau

            The original Wo Fat was scary, too.

    • mancityRed6

      it is all they can come up with.

    • BJW

      Maybe he/she/they is 12?

      • kareemachan

        More like seven.

  • theCryptofishist

    1090 comments! (1:42 Pacific Time.)

    • data_ninja

      In mountain time the comment number is √-1

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        I think you are imagining things.

  • Jamoche

    Now this is how you get a poll to produce the popularity results you want:
    https://twitter.com/mitchellscomet/status/867656044641648640

    • ChiefOfStaffCaptainHowdy

      Bookmarked. I have a nagging suspicion the right likes to see that line being pushed to divide the Democrats, also too.

      • SDGeoff3

        Sure! Now that they have divided the entire country.

    • ChiefOfStaffCaptainHowdy
      • alpacapunchbowl

        KAMALA!

        • ChiefOfStaffCaptainHowdy

          Or Adam. Or Xavier. Plenty to choose from.

          • alpacapunchbowl

            Wasn’t familiar with Becerra, thanks.

          • ChiefOfStaffCaptainHowdy

            Both of them were / are my reps (the district was redrawn).

        • Serai 1

          Holy shit, I want her in the White House.

      • ahughes798

        I wish I had Diane Brand’s confidence.

  • https://twitter.com/WrrrdNrrrdGrrrl/status/891643397009805312
    Does anyone here know how safe this is? Asking for a friend. Uh, a fish friend.

    • Jamoche

      They probably have different safety standards that aren’t as stringent as the ones for humans – but still higher than the ones for “supplements”, so… at least you know there won’t be surprise Viagra?

      • Mary Theresa

        A lot of them are pharmaceutical grade today.

    • WIDTAP

      …and Jason Momoa thanks you for it.

    • ChiefOfStaffCaptainHowdy

      Wow.

    • Snopes Shop

      Wow.

    • Serai 1

      A couple of years ago, my SiL gifted me with a pump bottle of veterinary wound care gel. Frodo had been in a bad fight and had a bite that needed care, and she swore by it. It did work like a charm, very fast too, and when I thanked her again, she said she always kept it around because it was great for any kind of small wound. I’m sure as shit not getting rid of it.

      • Jared James

        Dogs and kids have more in common than shedding and chewing on stuff that doesn’t belong to them. Who knew?

    • Relativicus

      I can’t even process what I’m reading.

      • ChiefOfStaffCaptainHowdy

        Apparently reviews of fish antibiotics by human users saying how well the fish antibiotics worked on “their fish”.

      • theCryptofishist

        You may need to go to Cuisinart.

    • Mary Theresa

      I’ve taken fish antibiotics before, when I was really poorz. Still here.

    • ChiefOfStaffCaptainHowdy

      Is there fish coffee? Like, some good regional Ethiopia?

    • It’s probably tetracycline. Careful, it stains teeth in younguns.

      • That’s OK, the younguns have Medicaid and get to see doctors and get prescriptions for human antibiotics. It’s adult fish that I’m thinking of.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        I haven’t been into aquariums since I was a kid, but back then 99% of the time it was tetracycline (to be given to your tetras)

        • Oh how funny!
          I recently inhereted 4 neon tetras and I ADORE them! I worry I’m not feeding them enough though and I keep pestering the fish store lady who reassures me they are fine. Now I want a turtle.

    • SDGeoff3

      I tried fish antibiotics once, and it took care of what ailed me. Maybe. Since I had no health insurance at the time, and didn’t know what was wrong, but thinking the stuff would help, I went for it. In a few days I was fine, but I can’t say much more. Acupuncture once seemed to alleviate tendinitis, but the few times I tried it afterward, it was a waste of time and money. Also, too as well, I realized half way through the last session I had years ago, the “doctor” was a real certified quack.

      • theCryptofishist

        Certified? He’d gone with the Rand Paul option?

        • SDGeoff3

          At least.

        • Le Chapeau

          Upvoted for Rand Paul self-certified quack reference!

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      needs moar ick cure…

    • kareemachan

      I’m officially gobsmacked.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      I had some leftover antibiotics that had been prescribed for my cat, but the vet told me to discontinue because they were giving kitty the runs. It was a liquid and had to be kept in the fridge. Fast forward a few months and I have a nasty uti and no insurance. Having had a full-on kidney infection years previously that resulted from me not properly treating a uti (and I then finally went to PP for treatment and they probably saved my life) I googled the particular antibiotic (can’t remember what it was) and confirmed that they prescribe it to humans as well, just at different dosage.
      Anyway long story short, it worked.

      • ahughes798

        Cowboys and people who have horses have been known to use their animal’s antibiotics and other meds, too.

      • thixotropic jerk

        I think your new whiskers and tail are very becoming just try and be moderate around the catnip m’kay?

        • alpacapunchbowl

          Meow purrrrr

    • ahughes798

      If it’s the same drug as one used on humans, it should be.

    • SeeTrain65

      “My fish woke up one morning to find he had a pinched nerve in his neck gills. After two days of taking this, he was back up and playing frisbee with his friends swimming around the plastic castle in his tank.”

  • Relativicus

    Oh, real clever reply, Doktor Poopfacebecauseyoufellinpoopwithyourfaceandnowyouhavepooponyourface.

    • Serai 1
      • ChiefOfStaffCaptainHowdy

        Poster for Simple Minds’ “Don’t You Forget About Me” from The Breakfast Club, which is what ruined them (and they didn’t even write the song) (the 9-minute instrumental B-side, “A Brass Band in African Chimes”, was a sort of early trance/ambient deep cut, though). The immediately preceding album was one of the supreme masterpieces of New Wave.
        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2p3uzgFyUPo&list=PLYpXTsfMaHrrBCMkUgKdVW6cnQqxiThPY

        • Edith Prickly

          New Gold Dream libelzz!
          (Completely agree about Don’t You Forget About Me ruining them. I couldn’t listen to anything they did after that)

          https://youtu.be/GWAC4UeWGd0

          • Bitter Scribe

            Um, what ruined them exactly…the song, or the fact that it was in that movie?

          • Serai 1

            Yeah, I like the song. Is this one of those snotty uber-fan things?

          • ChiefOfStaffCaptainHowdy

            Yes. Sorry.

          • ChiefOfStaffCaptainHowdy

            Sort of the song, or a little of both, and their next album was marginally passable Americanized pop, then they tried to be fake U2, and errrghgh and so on.

          • Edith Prickly

            Both.

          • edked_v2

            Yes! Their best album, period!
            (I’d go with the first track on side 1, though.)

        • Edith Prickly

          And this early masterpiece – such fond memories of my underage clubbing days https://youtu.be/5wp6J4JDO6Y

          • ChiefOfStaffCaptainHowdy

            Ohhhh, yeeaaah, Sons and Fascination / Sister Feelings Call (right?). I liked the one with The American and Theme for Great Cities.

    • Mary Theresa

      5 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 out of 5, would definitely recommend again.

  • (((fka_donnie_d)))

    Female chess players? Like her?

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phiona_Mutesi

  • Mary Theresa

    So, I got into a tiff with a Russian on The Hill, it was quite an exchange as I was using google translator to translate from english to Russian and back, This was the final post back from Russian troll.

    “And the Russians prefer to fuck the whole nation of the Pindos, and they chose the Red Clown for them. ))) Americans are fuckers!”

    Pindos are Americans, and Red Clown means puppet referring to Trump. LOL, what an experience in foreign relations. Can I haz a WH job now, I’m experienced in foreign relations.

    • theCryptofishist

      No Red Clown, no Red Clown, you’re the Red Clown!

      • Mary Theresa

        No, your the Pindo!

        • merl1

          “you’re”

          • alpacapunchbowl

            I think the misspelling is more apt here.

          • Mary Theresa

            Your not going to give me a ticket for drunk commenting are you?

    • kareemachan

      Dang, I wish I had been in on that exchange.

      • Mary Theresa

        It was crass and vulgar on both our parts. I’m sure you would have enjoyed it.

    • KnaveOfSwords

      Sorry, this exchange means that you’re overqualified.

    • The Flaming Carrot

      Nope. Cuz you cain’t look out your window and see Russia.

      • Mary Theresa

        Nope, not from NM.

    • Just ask em how many times they’ve been conquered.
      Quickest way to shut em up when they get rollin cause everyone had a turn. Like everyone.

    • No, but you can join the military and waterboard random people till they respond in Russian.

  • kareemachan

    Ah, jakob. You’re such a tooooool.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    I thought Dr Cuck and the Secularist Leftist hag was the new buddy cop series on TNT this fall…

    • ahughes798

      It’s the name of my new Cowpunk band.

  • The Flaming Carrot

    He felt bad that he had to cop to not being a grand master. But where are the Sons of Jacob? Shouldn’t they be involved?

    My guess is that the indigenous patriots aren’t listening to Hannity and whoever. They’re mostly trying to save Standing Rock and things like that.

    • Nena

      Now, I assumed he felt bad because that was the safest way to extricate himself from a conversation he didn’t expect to be having, and that he sensed could only end in humiliation for himself.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Ugh I’m too tired from working on my MIL’s yard all day to spend any energy on these assholes.

  • You guys still pretend anyone but your friends and family read your mediocre shit?

    Er…I guess you and rebecca are surprised you have a black cousin all of a sudden, eh Dok?

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    I wish the cuck, Dok Zoom, would stop lying about ladies. We all know their small ladybrains just aren’t meant for chess. Or math, or science. Thank God Trump has made it acceptable to put Baby back on the shelf, where she belongs.

  • Jeff Mc Donald

    I wish I was a girl so I could be a hag. Girls have all the fun!

    • theCryptofishist

      Hey, you’re not one of those MGTOWs are you?

    • Tj McGee Wright

      Hags Just Wanna Have fun! HAWHAWHAWHAWWWW!

  • Delu

    Dr Cuck must be some latest superhero or something riding on the trend of Dr Fate, Dr Who and Dr Strange….

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Don’t forget Dr. Strangelove.

    • I totally wanna write that comic now. Doodle it I mean. Maybe for Christmas

  • Mysterious Masked Wrestler

    moar liek COCKtor SHROOMS! cause he likes cocks and he must be on drugs lol
    oh, oh, yur writing is bad lol u write like my dumbest monkey, wherehas I’m clearly a Nobel-prize winning novelist
    tell me this, FEMINAZI, how come there are NO women astrophysicists? (I haven’t actually verified this)

    • Mysterious Masked Wrestler

      I’m trying to get into their minds so that I can understand their motivations. So far, my working theory is that they’re really fucking stupid.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        I’ve always treated that as axiomatic. Not that it makes any difference in the results.

      • ChiefOfStaffCaptainHowdy

        Strictly speaking, that would be a working hypothesis, but I am optimistic that you can develop into a theory.

      • mfp, all 6s&7s&9s

        bingo

  • exgnosis

    And here I’ve been trying to figure out how I might marry into the friends and family of Rebecca Beautifulhead and Dr. PhD. My vicarious membership in that exclusive club will have to suffice. And, of course, the occasional tribute/spendable adoration I’m able to post in the Donate Click of Goodness, which is sure to gain me access and influence at the reunions for the Sekular Librul 4th Internationals.

    • Right? If we’re all her family, does that mean I can crash on her couch and eat all her Cheetos?

      • theCryptofishist

        Leave the Cheerios alone, however, those belong to Donna Rose.

  • SeeTrain65

    That’s the thing about mucking out the stalls: The work never ends.

    • Tj McGee Wright

      Its one squeeze away from some STANK. Its a new Trumpy policy baby boy!
      Well at least it wasn’t aborted by libruls!

    • theCryptofishist

      I suggest hiring Hercules. He’ll get it done! In one day!

      • doktorzoom

        Only if Joel and the Bots can mock his dialogue.

  • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

    Pretend alpha male, easily startled, drops facade = Trump’s America

    • thixotropic jerk

      Perzacktly!

  • Tj McGee Wright

    OMGZzzzz one of you guys is feminististic AND stinky?!?!? What did i even donate for now! Sergei Trump 4 Life Hashtag etc etc etc lobotomy whatever etc

  • Sakonyachen

    Dafuq is A indigenous patriot?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Native Americans who are OK with the way things turned out for them?

      • roberteye

        Like black people being grateful for slavery caz of they got a free ride here, plus free food and lodging while building the White House!

        • ez

          and free Jefferson phones as well.

      • Sakonyachen

        From “Doctor’s Journal” in Silent Hill 2;

        “But sometimes I have to ask
        myself this question. It’s true
        that to us his imaginings are
        nothing but the inventions of
        a busy mind. But to him, there
        simply is no other reality.
        Furthermore he is happy there.

        So why, I ask myself, why in the
        name of healing him must we drag
        him painfully into the world of our
        own reality?”

    • He’s from Russia?

    • A rung above A Idiot.

    • mtn_socialist

      I think he misspelled “ignoramus”.

  • Well enough about that asswipe, I have some actual important news. I am currently on a cruise to the Carribean for the vacay, very relaxing, yadda, yadda. The BIG news is that our cruise director is a hot piece of yummy, girlfriend! Not only is he this well-built carmel cutie, but he’s very funny and charming and entertaining (and has this absolutely delectable British accent that will just make you you melt!

    Behold his blurry sexiness….which is what I would say if I could get the damn pic to upload so I guess you guys are just stuck imagining his pixelated scrumptiousness.

    In any case. I am totes in love (well not exactly, but I’m trying to keep this post PG-rated…so um yeah, let’s go with “love” for now.)

    • I read this as your in love with a camel 🐫

      Time for glasses me thinks.

      Also kudos on the lovely holidays!

      • But I don’t smoke. 😆

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    With 28,000 daily visits, and 170,000 daily pageviews, Rebecca has one hell of an extended family. As for Jacob, well, his mom is still hopeful.

    • natoslug

      I hope Jacob falls off his ladder into a pile of prickly votes.

  • Raan

    Question for the Wonkette Law Club: Is a ledger that proves criminal sources of income admissible as evidence, if it had been stolen from a safe by a caped vigilante and given to the police?

    Asking for a billionaire friend with a fear of flying mammals.

    • I’m gonna go with a tentative yesno.

      Oh and tell Christian Bale I sez yo.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      So long as the caped crusader isn’t working for the cops, no problem.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        i learned that in school!

    • Could you maybe suggest to your friend that the town he lives in should either re-purpose or demolish all the abandoned warehouses therein? Especially the ones that contained things like, say, jokebooks, umbrellas, catnip…

  • Dok, I’m flabbergasted by this weeks DSFB!

    See how I used a word with flab in it? Eh?

    I am so smert!

    • JustDon’tSaySortMyBalls

      Fat chance he’s going to reply.

  • Just thought of something, if Jacob feels bad about demomozing enough to back down to a leftist socialist hag and a cuck, does that make him even MORE of a wimp than anonymous email to random person calling them mean names does?

  • Reince Pubis

    It’s not just chess Grand Masters – why are there so few female Grand Wizards? Face it – girls are second rate.

    • mtn_socialist

      I think you have to go to France to find all of the cheese Grand Masters, but I could be wrong.

      • Reince Pubis

        Mmmm, cheeeeese…..

        • mtn_socialist

          Qui coupe le fromage?

    • gingerwentworth

      I feel a whole Renaissance of groups may be coming, a Klan Renaissance (inspired by our President,) with new opportunities for women, like Ivanka was saying that time– and yes, I mean we will see the first female Grand Wizards. And a whole great big Woman’s Klan! And a woman’s Kiwanis and a Woman’s Isis and President Trump will be so happy because they’ll all have different sexy outfits and he can attend their annual conventions and pinch everybody and breathe tic tacs in their faces and fool around like old times. Think he needs all these legal problems morning, noon, and night?

  • Lily412

    Apparently my subconscious doesn’t think Dok is unattractive, because one time I had a kissy-kissy dream about him. Not sure where that one came from…as inscrutable as a double rainbow.

  • JustDon’tSaySortMyBalls

    Umm …Oakland libulz?

  • Hardly Ideal

    Man, you actually corresponded with that douchebag? Any response more involved than this seems like more trouble than it’s worth:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T-Tsy2sUx0s

  • cats530

    (Rebecca sure does look like the typical, miserable Secularist Leftist hag though!:)

    Doesn’t Yakob know that “secularist” and “leftist” would not be capitalized in this instance? Yakob certainly appears to have some deep-seated insecurities regarding his masculinity too.

  • Internet Hitler

    Guess Jacob never heard of Phiona Mutesi.

  • disqus_DCiinn37br

    I don’t know why these people like Jaboc bother. Wonkette snark just makes their attempts to annoy so… ineffective. It is like they want to get politely but thoroughly ridiculed…

  • disqus_DCiinn37br

    MGTOW: Monsterous Gits Terrified Of Women!

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