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it’s better to keep your mouth covered, Scaramucci, to keep the dumb shit from falling out.

A White House fight has broken out in the last 12 hours, and it is between nominal White House Chief of Staff Reince Priebus and brand new Trump lapdog Anthony Scaramucci. (Who may or may not be a Clinton mole. He said Trump wants healthcare to be just like Comcast. And he said several things you’ll read in this post that will make you go “HMMMMMMMM!” and “LOL THE FUCK?” We report, you decide if he is a Clinton mole or if he’s just that dumb.)

It started Wednesday night when Scaramucci tweeted this (and then deleted it, because he’s so transparent):

What made that poor boy so upset??? He’s just trying to be a good communications director for the president, because he loves the president, he loves him, he loves him so much [voice drops to a whisper] … he loves when the president talks, he loves when the president walks, he loves that thing the president does with his ton- … WHERE WERE WE?

Scaramucci was very upset about a Politico article about his financial disclosure form, which shows he probably stands to continue profiting from his investment firm SkyBridge Capital while he does the very important work of serving Mr. President and wearing that little slinky black thing the president likes, happy biiiiiiiiirthday, Mr. President, happy birthday to … youuuuuuuuuuu …

Hold on, let us grab a towel for Mr. Scaramucci so we can continue telling this story!

So anyway, he tagged Reince Priebus in that tweet! What’s up with that? Was he saying Reince Priebus (WHO HATES HIM) leaked his financial disclosure to Politico? And was he saying leaking public financial disclosures is a felony? (It isn’t.) And he wants the FBI to investigate Reince Priebus for doing a Not Felony? Seems like it! CNN/New Yorker journalist Ryan Lizza confirmed as much on Twitter:

Scaramucci says “NUH UH!” but this is an employee of the Trump White House, so we must assume he’s lying.

Lizza ALSO reports that before this all went down, Trump dined (had a Happy Meal while everybody else had food) with Scaramucci, Melania, and a veritable wake of Fox News buzzards including Sean Hannity, Bill Shine and Kimberly Guilfoyle. So obviously they all had rage erections about leakers and unmasking and Seth Rich and Hillary Clinton and BENGHAZIII!!1111!!, and Scaramucci’s little black dress was torn asunder, and we imagine Trump was too het up even to play with the toy he got in his Happy Meal, even though it’s one of those wind-up buzzy things, and he always likes the wind-up buzzy things.

FAST FORWARD TO THIS MORNING! Scaramucci called into CNN (because Donald Fucking Trump told him to, according to the Washington Post) and had a toddler’s meltdown about leakers, and he said MANY DUMBASS THINGS BEFORE BREAKFAST. He said he’s talked to his “buddies at the FBI” about the Not Illegal leak of his public financial disclosure! (Fun fact: if Scaramucci is having those sorts of conversations with employees of the DOJ, then it is he who is breaking the rules, BIGLY.)

Scaramucci also said this:

“If you want to talk about the chief of staff, we have had odds, we have had differences. When I said we were brothers, from the podium, that’s because we’re rough on each other. Some brothers are like Cain and Abel, other brothers can fight with each other and then get along. I don’t know if this is repairable or not — that will be up to the president.”

Some brothers get along and start bowling leagues together. Other times big brother takes little brother out into a field and stones him to death because God Daddy didn’t like big brother’s dumbfuck burnt offering very much. FAMILIES, WHAT YA GONNA DO?

Scaramucci added, “[I]f Reince wants to explain that he’s not a leaker, let him do that,” which is a very brotherly thing to say.

NEXT STUPID THING:

Why don’t you honor the job? Remember Joe Paterno? What would HE say? Act like you’ve been there before. Act with honor and dignity and respect, and hold the confidence of the presidency and his office.

WHAT WOULD JOE PATERNO SAY? More specifically, what would Joe Paterno say while he was covering up child rape at Penn State?

Wait … OK honestly? That might be an apt metaphor for being the public face of the Trump White House. We’re not saying it’s the EXACT SAME obviously, but we imagine Scaramucci and other staffers are being asked to cover up A LOT, all while they “hold the confidence of the presidency and his office.”

Want more stupid details about this Trump-sanctioned CNN interview? Here:

HANGED, Anthony, HANGED. God, everything about this is wrong. Leaking is not a death penalty offense, and it’s just not historically or scientifically accurate to say 150 years ago the leakers would have had much bigger penises, because according to evolution, the human race is getting bigger not smaller, which means the leaker ding dongs are probably bigger NOW than they were during Abraham Lincoln Times.

Here’s the whole thing for you, if you want to enjoy every little bit of it. It is SO STUPID.

So, what do you think? Is Scaramucci literally as stupid as his boss, or is Hillary Clinton secretly paying him to be this stupid? Our expert opinion says “UNCLEAR.” We’ll leave you with a couple of tweets from Democratic Rep. Ted Lieu, who votes that yeah, Scaramucci really IS that stupid:

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[Washington Post]

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  • Joe Beese
    • Me not sure

      …and his point is…?

      • PubOption

        Everyone knows that the Patriots cheat and lie.

        • Bad Tom

          Well, that deflates my gaiety right there.

          • kindness

            Trumps already on that one too.

    • JD Mulvey

      They’re doing a crap job of it.

    • armed_bears

      Sign me the fuck up, to quote Lance Armstrong.

    • LesBontemps

      Isn’t that everyone’s job these days?

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      Tell them THANK YOU!

    • leemoder

      OK!

  • Scooby

    For Reince Perbius this must be like high school all over again.

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    These people want me to believe in God just to make sure there is something as hell.

    Also, maybe I am a liberal leftist Eurotrash pussy but when I see this picture in the article I would just want to stop my car, offer him a meal, bath and bed to sleep in and give him 50 bucks so he has some faith restored
    http://www.southbendtribune.com/news/local/downtown-south-bend-group-hopes-new-hire-will-reduce-panhandling/article_939689de-7221-11e7-9491-cb1f9189d151.html

    • eka

      drives me crazy that people are more concerned about hiding problems in society than solving them.

  • reelreeler

    Hey Anthony, paese per paese, va in giro l’inferno imbarazzante idiota

  • Bad Tom

    A White House fight has broken out in the last 12 hours, and it is between nominal White House Chief of Staff Reince Priebus and brand new Trump lapdog Anthony Scaramucci. (Who may or may not be a Clinton mole…)

    You know who else has been alleged to be a Clinton mole?

  • memzilla Ω

    It figures that the most notable thing that Dolt 45’s new communications director has done is deleting his own communications.

  • Anna Rompage

    Oh poor Tony, the actual legal US definition of treason is a US citizen directly aiding an enemy during war time…

    Now how on gods green earth is leaking someone’s financial docs, something that is likely available through a FOIA request, aiding an enemy during war time?

    • Bad Tom

      THE ENEMY IS US.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Easy. Trump declares war on the free press. Retroactively.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    WWJPD? What would Joe Paterno do? Keep those alumni donations flowing at all costs!

    • Me not sure

      Sandusky?… You mean that town in Ohio?”
      Joe Paterno

  • Joe Beese
    • WotsAllThisThen

      Yeah, that book report on War and Peace? I’ll write it in the cafeteria during lunch period. No problem!

      • Joe Beese

        Every artist needs deadlines.

        • LesBontemps

          Especially bullshit artists, apparently.

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        Charlie Brown had two weeks, and he still got a D-

      • Msgr_MΩment

        And maybe I should take a gander at Chapter Two.

    • Anna Rompage

      Writing a bill that effects 1/6th of the economy during lunch?

      I bet these were the same hoofwanking bunglecucks that waited until the day a paper was due, to start writing it…

      It’s total fucking madness.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      We might get a health care bill quite literally written on the back of a cocktail napkin. Our government is a living metaphor of how stupid people would run things.

      • LesBontemps

        Not a metaphor. It is quite literally how stupid people run things.

      • Old Man Yells at Cloud

        Its a demonstration of how stupid people in a republic select their representatives.

  • memzilla Ω
    • WotsAllThisThen

      Did the president get Blue Oster Cult tickets?

    • arglebargle

      Seth Meyers called him a Human Pinkie Ring.

    • Vincent Ricola

      OMG LOL!

  • exinkwretch

    “Whaddaya mean, ‘I’m funny?’ I make you laugh?”

    • grindstone

      Like a clown. You amuse me.

  • Nasty Candy Apple

    Scaramooch and Prius deserve each other.

  • Nounverb911

    All of them, Katie?

  • Nezrite

    Also? The thing that Scaramuccis is claiming was “leaked” (his financials) became officially available upon request 30 days after he filed them on June 23. Reporting information you aren’t happy to share, as Politico did, is NOT leaking, you moron.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Who leaked the rules to the press?

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        Which is a felony . . .

      • OneYieldRegular

        Seriously. Every Republican in Congress knows that laws are to be created in secret and kept from the public.

  • Tovarish Z

    The BEST people…

    • MynameisBlarney

      The HIGHEST quality people…

  • Nockular cavity

    Men who misuse hung…aren’t.

  • MynameisBlarney

    Another day, another epic clusterfuck.

    • BadKitty904

      It’s like the Republicans have a gift or something…

  • Vincent Ricola

    White trash.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    This fuggin’ guy.

  • arglebargle

    Good Lord. I quit saying “Fuck Joe Paterno” because I assumed my fellow Wonketers were tired of me saying it and then this douchenozzle makes it relevant again.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      The only best thing you can say about Joe Paterno is…..”too soon?”….

    • Me not sure

      Old “Sanctimonious Joe”. What a fraud!

  • Anna Rompage

    After Sean’s departure, Pubis is all by his lonesome with no allies in the White House… It’s only a matter of time before Tony takes him out. Seeing that Tony is allies with Jared & Invanka, my guess is that Bannon will be next on the chopping block…

    • Stulexington

      I can’t wait for Bannon’s “if I’m going down I’m taking you all with me” speech.

      • Nockular cavity

        When he comes out wearing a Viking helmet and wielding a spear, it is ON.

        • Stulexington

          With his speaw and magic helmut?

          • Toomush_Inferesistance

            Magic helmut!….

          • foreign agitator Captain Kraut

            Helmut Kohl libelz!!1!

            Too soon…?

          • Invisible Bunyip

            For a moment I thought you said “spew”.

        • commatoes

          From his physique, I think the plate armour bra might be a necessity.

    • Me not sure

      Can you say “hit man”?

    • BigCSouthside

      I’ll buy Tony a martini if he’s personally responsible for sending Bannon back to whatever roach hotel he came from

      • Stulexington

        It’ll actually be water in a martini glass but it’s the thought that counts.

    • grindstone

      Q. Who wins when Mooch and Bannon fight?
      A. America

      • LesBontemps

        I dunno, but I’m rooting for injuries.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      “Say hello to my little friend….”

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    They’re getting bigger? Where was I when that happened?

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • Vincent Ricola

      I’m ashamed of how much I enjoy snarky David Frum.

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        Ik, r? The world really has gone topsy-turvy.

      • Proud Liberal

        Richard Painter has a mean wit as well. Trump is destroying the Republican party as we knew it.

        • armed_bears

          I prefer to think ‘flensing.’

      • commatoes

        And people say Canadians are too nice.

  • Crystalclear12

    The big question:
    Is Sean Spicer literally rolling on the floor laughing right now?
    Or
    Doing the ” I told you so” dance?

    • NellCote71

      Practicing for his stint on Dancing With the Stars?

    • chimpevil

      Eating a dozen doughnuts and saying WTF did I do with my life over and over again?

      • commatoes

        I think I saw it in his eyes that first press briefing on the inauguration crowd sizes. He willingly destroyed a bit of his self respect.

    • miss_grundy

      Both….

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    So, along with Boy Scouts, trans gens, and nuclear blurb reveals about China and destroyers by admirals, I don’t need anything else. Just this communications director, and that’s it. I don’t need anything else. Nothing. Just the communications director and the admiral and the trans gens and the Boy Scouts. That’s it….

    • Sedagive ’em Hell

      And this healthcare vote.

    • weighmaster

      And my dog, c’mon Shithead (bark bark), I don’t need my dog.

  • BadKitty904

    Good question, Evan. Can a finite mind fully comprehend the infinite?

    Discuss.

    • Nounverb911
      • BadKitty904

        See?

      • arglebargle

        I M.C. what you did there.

        • Lance Thrustwell

          Escher you do.

      • Bad Tom

        Comprehend? No.
        Fall down it infinitely? Absolutely.

    • eka

      isn’t that the cartesian rationale for the existence of god? it never really convinced me, but basically if we have an idea of the perfect, the perfect must exist and that means there’s a god. so likewise, because we have this concept of the infinite … that’s god. or something. not really a descartes fan.

      • grindstone

        I believe you have put descartes before de horse, there, eka.

        • Toomush_Inferesistance

          Rene it in…

          • grindstone

            I was just trotting it out.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        Yeah, but he was wrong. We don’t have an idea of the perfect, or the infinite. We have an idea of the really good and the really big.

      • commatoes

        Maybe he just hated Plato?

        • Invisible Bunyip

          Plato: the man who invented the plate.

    • Stulexington

      I’m a mathematician, I not only fully comprehend the infinite, I understand two different types of infinity.

      • Major_Major_Major

        As an engineer, we probably have a “coefficient” that can fix that.

        • Stulexington

          Keep your vile reality to yourself applied science type person, with it’s lack of bounds and all the rules thrown together at once. Distasteful.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        I have infinite skepticism regarding this claim.

      • commatoes

        But do you know which infinity is bigger? [wink]

        Yeah I got a superficial understanding of set theory.

        • Stulexington

          Calculus is where I got a deeper understanding of the infinite, that’s where I learned how to divide infinity by infinity and end up with 4.

      • John Thorstensen

        How many real numbers can dance on the head of a pin? I dunno, but it’s infinitely more than the number of RATIONAL numbers.

        • Stulexington

          And don’t get me started on the irrational numbers.

      • bobbert

        Your avatar must like to Cantor.

        • Stulexington

          I just Kant even right now.

    • Boscoe

      I’d say the Dunning-Kruger effect rules that possibility out.

      • BadKitty904

        I hate when that happens.

  • Ezio

    The entire Trump cabinet is what you get when a bunch of drunken, white frat boys gain political power.

    • Bad Tom

      And then double-down on the drinking.

    • Boscoe

      Drunken white frat boys aren’t anywhere NEAR as yooge douchebuckets as Trump’s admin.

  • Michael R

    The commander of the U.S. Pacific Fleet confirmed he would comply with an order by President Donald Trump to conduct a nuclear strike on China.

    Adm. Scott Swift was asked a hypothetical question about the possibility Thursday during an event in Australia, and he said his answer reflected the principle of civilian control over the military, reported the New York Times.

    “The answer would be yes,” Scott said.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      A unilateral, unprovoked, first strike?

      • Michael R

        AMERICA FIRST !

    • miss_grundy

      I hope someone higher up than this clown dresses him down for saying stupid shit like this to the press.

  • Joe Beese

    To state the obvious, none of this is remotely normal.

    Neither the persecution of leaks that didn’t take place nor the constant internal chaos nor the highly public internecine feuding is remotely normal. Also not normal is the prospect that the embarrassing, highly public airing of internal dirty laundry could be construed as beneficial to the Trump administration since it detracts attention from a piece of health care legislation that is so hideously unpopular that any story about any other subject arguably serves their interests.

    https://www.vox.com/2017/7/27/16049184/scaramucci-priebus-transcript

    • jesterpunk

      But they are just fighting publicly to show Trump who loves him more.

    • NotReallyHere

      It is good to be reminded of how Not Normal everything is right now.

    • Mary Theresa

      Normalizing “not normal” since January 2017.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    The only people as vile as Joe Paterno (other than Jerry Sandusky, of course) are the people who worship him and hold him up as an example of Doing Things The Right Way.

    • arglebargle

      And I work with a gaggle of them. All Trump supporters too, BTW.

      • spacecat in space

        I– I’m so sorry.

    • Nounverb911

      So, half of Pennsylvania?

      • arglebargle

        75-80% of Lancaster County.

      • eka

        only half?

        • Antonin Dvorak

          Gotta factor in all the Pitt fans.

          • eka

            i don’t think pittsburgh makes up more than half the state and I’ve never met any pitt fans in the five counties i’ve spent significant time in.

    • SweetDeeKat

      And I thought Ollie North worshipers were bad.

  • Joe Beese

    Miss Lindsey says there will be “holy hell” to pay if Sessions is fired and is drafting legislation to insulate the Special Counsel from White House pressure.

    • Bad Tom

      Amazing that Miss Lindsey is actually riding to the rescue.

      • commatoes

        He seems to be principled when convenient.

        • jodyleek

          Principled? My guess is Sessions has pics of Lindsey in, ahem, compromising positions.

    • Crystalclear12

      Did he say he was troubled?

      • grindstone

        Concerned. Troubled and concerned. And possibly vexed.

        • Crystalclear12

          Hot damn.
          Bingo!

        • commatoes

          Two mint juleps with lunch and the emergency smelling salts will be opened.

          • miss_grundy

            Have a fainting couch at the ready also.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      My stars and garters!

  • Crystalclear12

    When you know you have fucked up:
    Conway is defending him.

  • Joe Beese

    Anyone want to bet that Republicans will claim simultaneously that the CBO score on this hypothetical bill counts for the purposes of legislation but doesn’t count in terms of how many people their bill will deny healthcare?

    http://www.metafilter.com/168422/Are-my-methods-unsound-I-dont-see-any-method-at-all-sir#7108050

    • Proud Liberal

      I don’t think they give a flying fuck how many people have health insurance. They must get rid of OBAMACARE!

      • Bad Tom

        Easy peasy.
        File a bill:
        Hear ye, Hear ye:
        OBAMACARE Is Hereby Renamed TRUMPCARE.

        And the minions rejoiced.

      • Boscoe

        Of course they don’t. If they did, they would’ve been able to create a bill Dems could get on board with. Turns out it’s HARD to write a good healthcare bill when your goal isn’t a good healthcare bill.

    • BigCSouthside

      Will the parliamentarian allow that

  • IdiokraticDrumpfenResistance
    • agnosticsdonthatemuch

      Where’s Chester the Molester?

      • spacecat in space

        On the throne.

  • Ricky Gay

    This is becoming “The Clodfather” -which might be great on Comedy Central, but I hate living in it!!!

    • Ezio

      Anthony Scaramucci DOES look and sound like a rejected Sopranos cast member.

  • Jeffocaster in the West

    The only leakers I am interested in are the pee hookers leaking on @POTUS. Leak that tape. Good morning…..I just had coffee…..so I got to go take a…….

  • Carpe Vagenda

    Holy fuck. I have not missed the bedroom suburb goomba thing since we finally lost Giuliani.

    The Fox Business guy who was endorsing Clinton well into the primaries wants to talk to the longtime former head of the RNC about acting like you didn’t just show up? And, granted, I think Priebus probably should meet the low bar of at least as ethical as the guy who stonewalled while kids got fucked on his watch, but it’s a bit late in the game for that.

    And again, the whole asking for your office rival to be executed because you suspect them of shenanigans is all very Harvard Law.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    This is palace intrigue as if done by the Three Stooges.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      I love Malice in the Palace!

    • Bad Tom
      • Ghenghis McCann

        Worst Muslim Impressions Ever.

        • Rags

          But Hassan Ben Sobar is a pretty good name.

      • Bitter Scribe

        “Whyyyy, yoooooo…”

    • cmd resistor

      At least they were funny.

  • Ezio

    OT: This Admiral says he would obey an order from Trump to drop a nuke on China. Remind me again who the “hawkish” one was?

    http://www.rawstory.com/2017/07/the-answer-would-be-yes-admiral-confirms-he-would-follow-trump-order-to-nuke-china/

    • Bad Tom

      What if it was a nuclear tweet?
      ——-
      An all too real possibility.

    • shivaskeeper

      The other option being the military as a whole deciding what it will and not do with no orders from the civilian leadership.

      Which one do you prefer?

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Maybe not responding?…

        • shivaskeeper

          So deciding what they will and will not do then.

          • Toomush_Inferesistance

            No, just being smarter than to be goaded into explaining military options and capability in a way that will only piss off and terrify China…

          • shivaskeeper

            Not respond to the hypothetical. I understand. That would have been wiser.

          • Toomush_Inferesistance

            That’s only because I thought admirals had to have some brains to get where they are. Apparently, not…

          • shivaskeeper

            As a general rule none of them really like being interviewed though. That is what the Public Affairs Office is for. Every class I ever got on dealing with the media boiled down to 1) never refuse to comment as that makes it look like you are hiding something, 2) never speak outside your area or make up something up if you don’t know the answer, and 3) if you get asked something you are not comfortable answering refer the interviewer to the PAO.

            The problem isn’t that the media is the enemy or the Admirals are stupid, it’s just that they are supposed to give a straightforward answer to questions. Straightforward answers are not always the “right” answers.

          • shivaskeeper

            2nd reply instead of an edit:

            An important part of point 2 is to not offer your own opinion when discussing matters of policy unless the interview is specifically to get your opinion.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    “Elect a clown, expect a circus.”

    It gets more and more on-topic every day.

  • Vincent Ricola

    CNN has been trolling their asses off since this morning. They are begging Pubis to call in and give a response to Trashamucci’s tantrum and cracking Wonkette worthy snark jokes. This is the most I’ve ever enjoyed these CNN assholes.

    • Cellequilit

      CNN to psychiatrist: Our President Trump is crazy! He thinks he’s a chicken!
      Psychiatrist: Why don’t you report that?
      CNN: We need the eggs.

  • BMW

    It’s like watching a slow-motion train wteck, except we’re stuck on one of the trains.

    • Vincent Ricola

      We’re tied to the tracks and Putin is twirling his mustache at us.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Your definition of “slow-motion” may need some fine tuning….

      • BMW

        6 months of this shit isn’t slow?

  • SayItWithWookies

    With Scaramucci’s grasp of the law, he wouldn’t even be allowed to speak at a church potluck. Go back to whatever playground you came from, Tony – you’re embarrassing your fellow idiots.

  • canes_pugnaces

    Scarface Mucci will be gone soon enough. He’s already stepping on Trump’s fame. The man is looking to be chief of staff, and has thrown Rinse Pre-shit under the bus for it. That means the last Republican is gone, and we are left with only lunatics, who will tear themselves to pieces, but not until they have debased the US beyond recognition.

    • Boscoe

      That’s okay, Reince can always go back to being Pee Wee Herman’s stunt double.

  • Nounverb911

    KAC is getting in on the whining train now.
    https://twitter.com/JuddLegum/status/890588131321315328

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Oh, how terrible for you. What with us actually wanting to make sure you’re not corrupt bastards (you are, but it helps to have the proof in hand).

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Don’t you have to have morals to get demoralized?

    • WotsAllThisThen

      It must be demoralizing to have your lack of ethics quantified like that.

    • Vincent Ricola

      Her mouth words are demoralizing.

      • Anna Rompage

        Oh, those are words?

        And hear I thought she just suffered from a severe case of oral flatulence…

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      “It’s just so unfair! Do you have any idea how hard it is to make up so many lies? And then try to keep them all straight? You really just don’t understand our problems.”

    • elviouslyqueer

      Yes, well, your hair and makeup are demoralizing to me, KaCa, so we’re even.

    • Stulexington

      I thought of Conway writing on a form that contains the word ethics and the image of a vampire trying to write something on church stationary (replete with crosses) came to mind. Complete with hissing and shielding her eyes from the words, the words that burn into void where her soul should be.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        Poetic!

      • Boscoe

        Interesting. When I think of it, I see Conway staring blankly at the paper with a deer in the headlights look wondering what that word could possibly mean and not understanding how it could apply to her.

    • shivaskeeper

      Being reminded you have no ethics or morals can be demoralizing. Especially when that reminder is on a government form. I am sad for her.

    • Professor Fate

      I must note s he looks like she was just hit in the face with a fish. . Serving evil is not a good look for her.

    • commatoes

      So acting ethically in the WH is demoralizing. Sorta expected that.

    • P’jama Pahnts

      Hey Ms. Conway, ya know what else is demoralizing?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Not surprising that she’s allergic to any word containing “moral” in it.

    • Boscoe

      Yes Kellyanne, life is hard when you can’t just do whatever you want.

    • OneYieldRegular

      She’s using the term “demoralizing” literally.

  • CripesAmighty

    Goombah gubmint at work.

  • elviouslyqueer

    America really should’ve passed on optioning “DC III: The Stupiding Continues.” Those kinds of sequels always suck.

    • Paperless Tiger

      Especially trying to follow a class act like Obama. The contrast is pure shock and awe.

  • La forza del resistino

    Da Mooch subscribes to the Don Vito Corleone school of how to Win Friends and Influence Others.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      The Don wouldn’t have trusted The Mooch to collect the nickels and dimes from the local numbers rackets.

  • Nounverb911
  • Anna Rompage

    What do you think…

    Rinsed Pubis is on his way out, and Sean Hannity will be taking his place?

    • commatoes

      If Dolt 45 poaches all of their “talent” then FoxNews will have to rely on their B team.

      I do not know if that will be a good thing or not. On the upside, everyone’s angry uncle will have a shot at being employed by his mothership.

      • Jim Johnson

        How would we tell?

    • shivaskeeper

      He is a rat and they are trying to corner him. Cornered rats are dangerous.

    • Jim Johnson

      A Circus of Horrors. What a freak show!

    • P’jama Pahnts

      Pretty soon we won’t have Prince Reebus to kick around anymore!

  • MynameisBlarney
    • OneYieldRegular

      I SO want that on the tire flaps for my truck nuts truck which I do not have.

  • ken_kukec

    Trump has found his Martin Bormann, folks.

    • Jim Johnson

      Although, it must be said, Martin Bormann was not “as dumb as a box of rocks.”
      He was the typical Nazi evil genius. The Mooch is just another stupid sycophant.

  • Duke

    The internet let me down. Not one “scaramucci conway love child” in the google.

    C’mon internets! Stop working and get some photoshopping done!

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    I’m pretty sure this is just like opioids. How will we ever get off?…

    • Anna Rompage

      A good civil war usually has quite the sobering effect…

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        I’m just afraid others will see the opportunity to weigh in: Russia, North Korea, Iran, China….

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Amazing how willing Priebus has been to abase himself for Trump since his tough guy “pledge” stunt.

  • CountryClubJihadi

    How revolting must it have been to witness Guilfoyle and Scaramucci at the dinner table? The Smarm-O-Meter should have exploded.

    • BigCSouthside

      New Chief of Staff and Comms Director

      • Mr. Blobfish

        Please please please let that happen, Santa.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    So the Leopards are eating each other’s faces now?

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      What part of Leopard Face-Eating Party was unclear?…

      • John Thorstensen

        It wasn’t clear that the leopards would eat *each other’s* faces. Though I suppose we should have anticipated that.

    • shivaskeeper

      That has been happening form the beginning. See, Christie, Chris for an example. It’s just accelerated now and more in the open. It was only a matter of time before they wouldn’t be able to keep a lid on it and the infighting would be public.

    • Boscoe

      They’ll be eating their own faces soon, at this rate.

  • Nounverb911
  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Trump wants healthcare to be just like Comcast.

    OK, FINE–I’ll call my senators yet again FFS…

  • Nounverb911
    • Lance Thrustwell

      I remember thinking when he said it, “…a three-foot putt is usually not very hard!”

    • commatoes

      ALTERNATIVE FACTS LIBELZ !!!111!!!

      I am so very sorry.

    • Ghenghis McCann

      Don’t you Americans usually spell the word as putz?

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      trump lies about his golf scores!….

      • Villago Delenda Est

        We have that on the authority of Nick Fury himself.

      • miss_grundy

        Actually, Samuel L. Jackson said this after telling his “I golfed with Trump” story.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      How can anyone sink puts after some asshole drove his golf cart on the green?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      I can sink a 3-foot putt, and I don’t even golf.
      Kim Jong-Il can sink 1,000-foot putts, or would, if he didn’t sink an eagle every time.

      • Boscoe

        Exactly. Expect Trump to be OUTRAGED at Teh Mooch’s lack of loyalty in suggesting that he EVER has to putt.

    • Boscoe

      Michele Bachman is pretty sure she saw him sink a 3,000,000 foot putt. Also too, Sarah Palin saw him sink one from her house.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    Is anyone else getting just a teensy bit impatient waiting for Mueller’s report?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      It’s going to come out in several volumes, like the Godfather movies.

    • Boscoe

      NO. The longer it takes, the more awesome it will be. ;D

  • Thurman Munster IV

    Village elders say you can keep him

  • DerrickWildcat

    Maybe I should want yous guys to meet my associates Frankie Knuckles and
    Sal “the Ice Pick” Cassano . Say hi the nice Gentleman Frankie and Louie.

    • Boscoe

      Just tell the press corps to watch out if there is plastic covering the carpet.

  • Mpeg

    I woke up bleary and underslept and cranky then walked in here to read this post and cannot. stop. laughing. I love y’all fellow wonkers, we need to give Evan a raise.

  • (((Aron)))

    For the second day in a row, I am forced to come to the president’s defense:

    The wind-up buzzy things are AWESOME.

    That is all.

  • Nounverb911

    OT
    Emoji version of Hillary’s book announced.

    https://twitter.com/TheDailyShow/status/890577105410564096

  • MynameisBlarney
  • canes_pugnaces
    • elviouslyqueer

      She looks like a bad Francis Bacon painting.

      • Major_Major_Major

        True story, the men’s room of the geology building at UF had a graffitti chain that always made me laugh:

        “My pee smells like Bacon”
        “Francis?”

        • Ghenghis McCann

          Possibly OT, but maybe not. I once saw this “Do golden showers mean urine love?”

      • Tio_Doidinho

        Not abstract enough? Bacon would have icky liquids spewing from every orifice?

        Otherwise this totally works for me.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      I’ll bet she’s got a good looking portrait in her attic.

    • Boscoe

      Even WITHOUT the obvious photoshop filtering. :P

      • canes_pugnaces

        Filtering was courtesy of MSNBC.

        • Boscoe

          FAKE NEWS!!!1!111!!!!

    • OneYieldRegular

      I’ve rarely seen anyone look that strung out, and I used to work in a f*cking methadone clinic.

  • TheGrandWazoo2
  • Mavenmaven

    The Trumpis rehabiliting Paterno while attacking LGBT rights is perfectly consistent with the conservative fondness for little boys.

  • (((fka_donnie_d)))

    Fuck this. I want the employee records of every last clown that used to work for Barnum and Bailey. I want proof that none of them got hired by PO(S)TUS.

  • (((fka_donnie_d)))

    And, let’s not forget, this guy ran a how-many-million dollar business?

  • Villago Delenda Est

    AOT, K?

  • Sedagive ’em Hell

    “We’re New Yorkers, we don’t want to run the place like that. We want an honest and clean shop.”

    Just stop right there asshole: New Yorkers know a con when we see one, and your boss has always been a punchline in this town.

    Capiche?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      He keeps talking about the “failing” New York Times, but he craves the NYT’s approval.

      • Sedagive ’em Hell

        Sad.

      • Ghenghis McCann

        Not that we would want to assume any reason why he might want “approval” from what might be considered as an authority figure.

      • cmd resistor

        The context of the NYTimes quote is pretty funny. References to Romper Room and kids seeing themselves in the mirror like how FOX throws his tweets up on the wall.

      • Boscoe

        That’s just how narcissistic disorder works.

      • miss_grundy

        Because everything is the opposite of what he says. Because he’s from Bizarroland.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • Oblios_Cap

    FAMILIES, WHAT YA GONNA DO?

    Sometimes things get messy.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Lance Thrustwell

      It’s not like they didn’t do anything to it! That looks like a nice flat cut. And hey – no bark!

      • MynameisBlarney

        They probably sprayed with Scotchgard or somethin too.

      • Rags

        Come on! These things don’t grow on trees, you know!

      • wide_stance_hubby

        Bark sold separately.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      You have to pay for quality. Synthetic tree stumps just aren’t the same.

      • Boscoe

        Hey, we’re talking about CRAFTSMANSHIP here, ANY ASSHOLE could just cut a stump. This requires a person who ALSO has a bucket of varnish to dip it in. People just don’t appreciate fine craftsmanship anymore. smh

    • jodyleek

      What, cinder blocks and plywood or old beer crate side tables aren’t good enough for ya?

      • commatoes

        Only if they are ironic artisanal cinder blocks.

        I know hipsters get a bad rap for their love of small batch kombucha and such. But most of them would actually prefer making this thing rather than buying it for $350.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      This merchant needs to be exposed: who sells this?

      • MynameisBlarney

        No idea, but hey, if someone’s stupid enough to pay 349 clams for a damn log, then LOL. More power to that merchant then.

      • commatoes

        West Elm probably.

        • OneYieldRegular

          Crate and Stump.

    • commatoes

      Dumb rich people.

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/5226e5af9ac15248ac0a36c624f6b3ed927b6bcfeab8594c873bf08f87b56e9a.jpg

      $85 with free shipping.

      And they fund Gwyneth Paltrow’s vag steaming by buying

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/5cf52eb55986364978a79b31ea95b98da947c37aae448e7146dec861fc8e8da3.jpg

      $60 for 10 and $120 for 24. NASA has called bullpucky on the company’s claims.

      • armed_bears

        Yeah, but BOOBIES!1!

    • armed_bears

      Somewhere in Ikealand, a whole population is laughing at us.

  • (((fka_donnie_d)))

    So, just to be clear, the key qualification is not intelligence, or understanding of the federal government, or even loyalty. The key qualification is the willingness (dedicated ability) to repeat exactly what this asshole says, exactly the way he says it, every fucking time. That way, he doesn’t have to go on the news shows himself and endure people laughing at him.

    • Rags

      Yeah, but this guy is totally winging shit as well. (Tries to come up with analogy. Gives up. Goes with stupid). It’s like if this were 4-5’s gun and these guys had their own aiming agenda:

      https://youtu.be/kbRZKrvAZ7U

  • Mpeg

    From that photo it looks like Scarmoucci has been eh, endowed with sizeable hands and long graceful fingers. How is Donnie not holding a major grudge about this. Also: Sc’mouchi looks like the love child of John Leguizamo and Gov. Matt Bevin.

    • Boscoe

      LOL I’m waiting for Teh Donald to order him to wear mittens…

    • TakingAmes

      Nah. Bevin would never sleep with a brown.

      • Mpeg

        He adopted several Ethiopian children! He may have flaws but holding-his-nose while contemplating physical contact w/ another race is not one of them.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Go home, Jar Jar, you’re an embarrassment to the entire franchise.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Meesa finda leakers! Ani! Ani! Yousa all fired!

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    “I’m more of a front-stabbing person.”
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O1PvIJjpPvE

  • P’jama Pahnts

    Senior Leakers? Gramma?

  • ken_kukec

    The Mooch’s idea of “transparency” is the same as an Argentine military junta’s: come in and start “disappearing” your opponents.

  • azeyote

    looks like trumps got himself a real hatchet man now –

    • BadKitty904

      Any good mobster needs button-men…

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    “How Many Dumbfuck Things Can Anthony Scaramucci Say Before Breakfast?”

    Here’s another one:

    https://twitter.com/DavidWright_CNN/status/890543249479356418

    • Oblios_Cap

      Because they don’t use their heads?

      • commatoes

        Gutless?

    • BadKitty904

      Google Translate apparently sucks at turning Bullshit into English.

      • Ghenghis McCann

        Human Stupidity beats Artificial Intelligence all the time.

      • Boscoe

        So does Teh Mooch.

      • commatoes

        Makes me miss Luther from Key and Peele.

        I wonder what bit they would do for Trump’s translator.

        • armed_bears

          Based on the theory of opposites, Sir David Attenborough.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Follow up question: who is at the head of our government?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Tony Scars knows a lot about sleeping with the fishes.

    • Blanche Beecham

      Dead fish float downstream. I think it’s in the Bible.

    • Edith Prickly

      Two Corinthian fish?

    • mardam422

      He didn’t!?! Really? That HAS to be fake. My God please make it be fake.

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      He’s the comedy gift that keeps on giving. WAY more fun than Lyin’ Spice.

    • OneYieldRegular

      On the bright side, he hasn’t yet started talking about horses’ heads.

      • Cellequilit

        He did say the ship hits the berg and the rats come up from steerage thingie though😁

  • rubikcube

    “My name is Dylan but everyone calls me Pickle. I am 9-years old and I think Anthony Scaramucci should go to hell.” – Totally real, totally cute kid from downtown America.

    • azeyote

      i know you’re being nice and showing the pickle respect by doing spelling and grammar, but a nine year old shouldn’t cuss and be mean just cause he had to eat trumps hat on his birthday –

  • Blanche Beecham

    The big take away here is that 150 yrs ago people were hung.

    Pics, Mooch, or it didn’t happen.

  • IdiokraticDrumpfenResistance

    “Is Scaramucci literally as stupid as his boss?” Who among us can imagine Cheetolini hiring someone he thinks might be smarter than him?

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Remind me again how people this stupid could get so rich? #riggedsystem #theprivilegeitburns

      • IdiokraticDrumpfenResistance

        The oligarchs, finding them useful, pay their stooges well.

      • george lastrapes

        We need a meme-shift. Replace the morbidly obese with the obscenely wealthy, like this: A kid and his mother are walking downtown. Kid says, “Mommy, looka that man! He looks real rich!” Mother says, “Don’t stare, and don’t say ‘rich’! You’ll hurt his feelings. The poor man is- wealthy- and he can’t help that. It’s glandular, I suppose.”

        • House0fTheBlueLights

          This is brilliant

    • commatoes

      Not a complete moron but he is uttering the words of his boss. Take an idiot’s idea of a good speech, run it through google translate a few dozen times, and you get the intellectual musings of Dolt 45.

  • Manhattan123

    It’s strange. The Mooch seemed so versed on the law when he was Cousin Vinny.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      What the hell is a yoot?

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Boy Scoots…

  • doggiedaddy

    In the words of Ms. Huckleberry “Menz, dey ruins everything. I wish theys could bez more like Pickle ”
    http://dr35ey0x3otoq.cloudfront.net/uploads/default/optimized/3X/6/b/6b415d85d9759a87190a85aa72045249d1f36ba4_1_668x500.png

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      I want to have John Goodman’s giant babies.

  • Pisto75666

    A live picture from inside the WH:

    http://i.imgur.com/Zki6LEk.gif

  • Carpe Vagenda
    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      So, the Civil War comparisons are real, then?…

    • commatoes

      Simple follow up question. How?

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Trump doesn’t give a fuck about either of them, but he vaguely understands that people who aren’t Jeff Sessions approve of the latter?

        Remember, this is hoary old libertarian rhetoric. Anyone taking Koch money wouldn’t blink.

  • ken_kukec

    Some outer-borough boys will do anything not to get stuck on the wrong side of the velvet rope at Studio 54.

  • mardam422

    In light of the leak of my car’s license plate number, which is a felony, I will be contacting the FBI, the CIA, the Justice Department, the Justice League of America and Uber.

    What a fucking moran.

    • Belasaurius

      Aquapussy is on his way to help

    • Villago Delenda Est

      cc Hydra.

      Hail Hydra!

    • Graham Dempster

      He’s very stuped

      • Djuro Jebi

        Bet he can spell “stupid,” moron.

    • OneYieldRegular

      And AAA. Make sure you contact AAA. They’ll send a tow truck driver right away to black out your license plate.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Not only are they trying to sessions Sessions, they are now trying to sessions Priebus.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      My Schadenfreude meter is pegging again.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    The stupidity would be ganz schadenfreundlich except that these are the people running US America. lolsob

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Prezactly.

  • exinkwretch

    Geez, wish I could be a journo again and have White House press credentials. I SO want to be the first reporter Moochie takes a swing at. Because you know it’s gonna happen.

    • Belasaurius

      and Trumpanzees will cheer him on

    • goingohm

      Wear a cup.

  • MynameisBlarney

    Well now, ain’t this some shit?

    The reasons behind yesterdays rage tweeting.

    https://www.democraticunderground.com/10029378163

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Could it be that some of the same elites Mr Putin protects are the people Donnie Dumbass OWES $300 MILLION?

  • MOG253
  • New and Improved Say Wha

    So, I guess Scaramucci WILL do the Fandango after all. Next up, thunderbolt and lightening.

    • TakingAmes

      Very, very frightening!

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Caption for first photo: “Fuchi Capesta!!!!!”

    • Yellerduck

      It’s those Rosarita refrieds.

  • Bright Bart

    If the mooch’s financial disclosure info is a felony he should be in jail with beleagered Jeff “keebler” Sessions seizing his assets no? lol what a shitshow. Go eat an elephant.

    • teele

      “Go eat an elephant.” As soon as Goofus and Doofus kill it, and get their servants to gut, butcher and cook it.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    “Other than Abraham Lincoln, I am the most hung President in history. Just an enormous swinging dick. Mine. Believe me. Bigly hung dick. Oh, also President Sandusky except he was Vice-President. But hung. Young people are writing me letters about it. I’m telling you. Tremendous.”

    – Mark Twain

    • Boscoe

      “…as my YOOOGE hands should make abundantly clear.”

  • Boscoe

    So wait, someone in the Trump administration doesn’t know how anything works? CAN’T BE!

    • ResistanceFictionista blondeiq

      “Don’t anybody here know how to play this game?”

  • susan_g

    Chris Cuomo took Scaramucci apart this morning. At one point Mooch realized that he was dealing with someone smarter than him. He actually sounded scared, and tried to pull the ripcord by asking for Alisyn Camerota to interview him.

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    I don’t even really understand why The Mooch is so upset about the information on his finances being disclosed. Being a rich man who won’t divest himself of anything in order to serve in the government is par for the course for this administration.

    • Geoff Richmond

      Practically mandatory, I think.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    woops. If only Fox knew some Harvard lawyers they could run this by…

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/fa6a42200bc6c6ccff95a4940379bdbf99a1b805dea7ba757e1b2c4062aa4715.png

    • OutOfOrbit

      I bet that’ll leave a mark.

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      “Don’t blame the sewer pipe when shitwater flows through it”

      • Carpe Vagenda

        I just think his Joe Pesci imitation is going to be a problem for him.

  • cmd resistor

    I am pretty sure I heard him (on replay of the Cuomo thing) screaming about how someone “leaked” the fact that he had dinner with Trump, Melania and his good friend Sean Hannity.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      I have no use for him on any number of levels, but I sincerely hope Spicer rented a hotel room where he won’t traumatize the kids and he’s watching all this with a celebratory case of tequila.

  • VirginiaWackelpudding

    I miss people who could at least fake dignity in public. Let’s show the world exactly the kind of trailor trash we put in charge. No one thinks any of them are smart, or dignified in office, or even likable. Even their bull shit is laughable.

    • Doug Langley

      I SWEAR I never thought I’d ever say “Wow, I sure miss George W.”

  • Daniel Hooper

    You know, there IS a way to determine if The Mooch is dumber than a box of rocks…
    https://www.fatbraintoys.com/toy_companies/the_haywire_group/box_of_rocks.cfm

  • Spurning Beer

    we have had odds, we have had differences

    This is not an idiom in English, greaseball. You can be at odds, and you can give odds on something, but you can’t have odds.

    Press “1” to continue in dumb-ass.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Do you suppose he meant they’ve been at odds? Because he doesn’t strike me as a reader.

      • boredcatlady

        Says who? Says WHO??!
        (sorry, this asshole makes me kinda miss that lawyer asshole Cohen)

        • Carpe Vagenda

          Maybe he can lech on Cohen’s daughter on twitter to get you through withdrawal.

          • boredcatlady

            YES – from your keyboard to his instagram account’s ears

    • ResistanceFictionista blondeiq

      Oh…see, I thought he was lapsing into a kind of goombah-godfather dialect that is still spoken in Staten Island.

    • teele

      You can if you play the ponies…

  • OutOfOrbit

    about that “wind-up fuzzy thing” thing… Why donut I ever get one of those in my happy meal?

    • Bright Bart

      because the Trumpster gets TWO of them, you get none. :(

  • Komsumverweigerer Ron

    Behind our shed I have several boxes of rocks, a mixture of slate and shale, which I use here and there in my garden. I just spoke with them and they are VERY off-put after being compared to an intellectual no-weight like The Mooch.

    • Doug Langley

      Of course. You must never take your rocks for granite.

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        Dragging out that old joke demands pumice-ment.

        • BreakingDeadMen

          That was coal’d

          • Jim QuinnX

            Granite.

          • Yellerduck

            It’s sedimentary my dear.

          • BreakingDeadMen

            You can take it for that

        • Geoff Richmond

          Rock puns huh? This shale not stand.

    • eggs ackly-wright

      Schist on a syncline.

  • Electric Ukulele Land

    I was amused that the Mooch was mad that someone “leaked” about who was dining with the president. My money’s on the lady reporter who blabbed about becoming press secretary before she had the job (whatever happened there, I wonder…) but clearly there are plenty of folks there who would be inclined to do some name dropping. The Mooch himself, for instance…

    • JD Mulvey

      I think it must’ve been Omarosa colluding with Gary Busey and Meat Loaf to take down Dennis Rodman.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        But Rodman’s the best ambassador to North Korea we’ve ever had!

    • Weird Fishes

      Soros’ reach is scary af, man…

  • Doug Langley

    “I am not answering your question.”
    “I thought you said you were going to be straight . . . ?”
    “I am STRAIGHTLY not answering your question!”

  • Shibusa

    Scaramucci: Can you do the Fandango?

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    In my past as a consultant, I had been on many projects.

    If a project is basically doomed and there’s no light on the horizon, no hope it is going to get any better anytime soon, people act a little crazy.

    I think this is Doomed Project Syndrome.

    • Seek

      We obviously need to re-baseline.

  • ATDFK.

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    … Trump was too het up even to play with the toy he got in his Happy Meal, even though it’s one of those wind-up buzzy things, and he always likes the wind-up buzzy things.

    The genius of Evan and all Wonkette journalists.

    • SeeTrain65

      “No, Mr. President … the Groot action figure does NOT go in your mouth.”

  • JD Mulvey
    • BosGrl

      “Meanwhile, at Madame Tussaud’s…”

      • JD Mulvey

        They’re almost lifelike.

    • r jones

      “Daaaaaaaaaad! Reince said I smell like goat farts!”

      • BillEGoatSmirk

        Moar goat Libelz!

    • Geoff Richmond

      “Shall we do the fandango?”

      • Ωbjectifier

        Mama, just killed a man

        • Geoff Richmond

          Put my phone against his head, sent a tweet and now he’s dead.

        • eggs ackly-wright

          Like Frank Booth said, “Do you know what a love letter is?”

    • Jimh

      They’re trying to kill Baby Buster!

    • Weird Fishes

      “I’m his favorite.”
      “No, I am, ya big dummy.”
      “I’m not the dummy, you are.”
      “No, you are.”

      • gratuitous

        Needs more “No, YOU shut up!”

        I was going to say, “Slap fight on the short bus in 3 . . . 2 . . . 1 . . .”

    • miss_grundy

      I’m rubber, you’re glue. Whatever you say to me, bounces off me and sticks to you.

    • CripesAmighty

      “You talkin’ to MEEEEE?”

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      [Predisent Trump is trying to read something at his desk, and demands total silence in the room when he has to concentrate. He is wearing his reading glasses. His lips move as he reads.]
      [Priebus glares hatefully at Mooch.]
      [Mooch stares back, does fingers to eyes I-am-watching-you motion, cocky nod.]
      [Priebus does single jackoff hand motion, rolls eyes.]
      [Mooch gets visibly angry, mimes jacking off with two hands.]
      [Priebus does huge jack off motion as if it was a telephone pole.]
      [Mooch points at Priebus then pantomimes prancing around, then mimes his fist going into his own ass.]
      [Priebus picks up a flagpole and starts mimicking shoving it up his own ass, while trying to point vigorously at Mooch.]

      [Trump scowls and looks up, over his glasses, at all the commotion. He sees Mooch is vigorously spanking and humping the couch, Priebus is at the other end of the couch, pretending to choke and hump it, and now making goat noises. Mooch starts barking like a dog.]

      “HEY! CUT THAT OUT YOU TWO!”

      • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

        Brilliant, except you have the last bit wrong.
        Trump: (joins them)

      • BillEGoatSmirk

        Goat libelz!

    • La Cieca

      “We said ‘okay, no rumpus, no tricks,’
      But just in case they jump us, we’re ready to mix
      Tonight!”

    • Jim QuinnX

      Dad! He hit me first!

    • TakingAmes

      Reince, whining: “Donald, Mooch just told me you told him he gives the best rimjobs! But you told me I give the best rimjobs!”
      Mooch, triumphantly: “Donald told me to tell you to go fuck yourself, Rancid.”

    • Jeffery Campbell

      Too easy. Suck my dick, Priebie.

    • SeeTrain65

      (Calliope music to the theme of “The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly.”)

      • JD Mulvey

        1966 Lee Van Cleef could totally play Smooch.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    How did you like the part where he used “The fish rots from the head down” metaphor while taking shots at Preibus and then apparently realized what that really implied, and then tried to correct himself with the “Trump is not rotten, and I am not rotten”.

    • Boscoe

      Improv isn’t for amateurs…

  • Martin L

    Apparently, one of the Mooch’s responsibilities is to give Trump rhetorical blowjobs.

    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      I am pretty sure that’s in the job description for every job ever working for Trump.

      • ken_kukec

        The Donald feels at home only in a tight circle of his oldest and dearest sycophants.

  • SCK

    I betcha Trump is just jerking off to all of this. And I don’t meant that metaphorically.

  • Aileen

    Deleting a tweet is the modern-day equivalent of sending a second email trying to rescind the first. All it does is draw attention to the thing you’re trying to get everyone to ignore. Also, and I haven’t even bothered to confirm this with a googling, but I’m quite certain there are bots you can assign to twitter accounts to immediately capture screen shots of every tweet. Such a gaggle of amateurs we have in the White House!

    • miss_grundy

      They don’t understand how the Internet works……

    • CripesAmighty

      One needs to remember — these are rudimentary creatures that simply respond to stimuli –like a poked clam.

      • Invisible Bunyip

        Is a poked clam like a canned clam?

    • Mr. White

      Nooooo! Trump and his cronies know all about the “cyber.”

  • ken_kukec

    Mooch says he and Rinse Pubis are brothers like Cain & Abel.

    So one winds up dead and the other East of Eden, in the Land of Nod (which, I dunno, must be somewhere near the First Lady’s office?)

  • Relativicus

    Trump maintains order…

    https://youtu.be/rNu1VDpPAxs

  • BreakingDeadMen

    Is there anyone in this administration with a functional superego?

    • Courser_Resistance

      The short answer? Nope

  • Rags

    Rinse will be out, and Newt will be in. He has been puckering up so much lately! His recent bloviations should be enough to convince 4-5 that he will do literally anything he is told, and that’s the only qualification 4-5 cares about.

    • rubikcube

      Doubt it. All the biggest Trump-suck-up wannabes have MAJOR baggage that still prevent them from being appointed [I’m probably wrong]– Guiliani, Christie, Huckabee and Newt would LOVE a Trump-job but none of them are any good.

      • Weird Fishes

        I’m not convinced that proven competence is an employment requirement in that White House.

    • TakingAmes

      Doubt it. Wifey #3 just got the Vatican post. Newtie will get to live high on the taxpayer hog in Rome and call in to Faux & Fiends after his siesta.

      • Rags

        But what about future wifey number 5? Doesn’t he like to have a spare available? Being in DC would doubtless aid in his search…..

    • teele

      Talk about the clash of the Titanic Egos! Newtie is out for Newtie, and there is no way Donnie can allow another psychopath into his territory. Donnie may not be able to remember how to tie his shoes, but surely he’s been around long enough to know that Newt auditioning for the job is a whole ‘nother story than Newt actually having the job.

  • UnsaltedSinner
  • what, me worry?

    Scaramucci is a human pinky ring of id, coming to pull the plug on your grandma.

  • rubikcube

    “If Trump gets impeached in his first year, I’ll eat my fucking hat [cake]” – Dylan “Pickle”, a totally real, not fake fan of President Trump

    • Bitter Scribe

      Mmmmmm, cake.

      • rubikcube

        MAGAcake is the most delicious cake you’ve ever seen, believe me…

      • Bebecca

        the world’s best most beautiful chocolate cake

  • miss_grundy

    So, this Moochie guy fits right in with the rest of the dumb rocks in the White House. If this were a television show the critics would be writing that the plot is unrealistic.

  • Bitter Scribe

    This guy just got hired as the communications director of the White House, and the first thing he does is pick fights and throw tantrums over information about himself being leaked?

    How stupid can this administration get before it just collapses in on itself like a black hole?

    • miss_grundy

      Not soon enough….

    • Yr. Gma

      Is that a trick question?

    • CripesAmighty

      The Derp Singularity.

    • Courser_Resistance

      Here’s hoping the entire White House fuckking shrinks out of existence, just like PymTech in Ant-Man.

    • Mr. White

      A spoonful of their concentrated stupidity and hubris would weigh a ton.

  • Virginia O’Possum

    Somebody else who yells “Hanged!” at the screen!

  • Carpe Vagenda

    OMG I’m listening to the full interview.

    Scaramucci trying to get Chris Cuomo to play happy little italians together is almost as gold as how fast he tries to wiggle away when he gets called out on being a bully.

  • Debra Dassow

    I am always suspect of someone that has to say a dozen times in twenty minutes, that he is a straight shooter.

  • Jim QuinnX

    There’s about three levels of cynical here, but here goes: if I worked in the White House, I would be praying to be the victim of a purge. In nanoseconds, I’d have an agent shopping a book that portrays the White House as a David Lynch film based on a story by Kafka. As soon as it hit the bookstores, I’d be doing non-stop TV debates defending myself against charges that I’m a disgruntled employee. I’d be repeating the phrase “of course, you’ve got to read the book” until I needed a deprogrammer. Just because we’re in the middle of a national nightmare doesn’t mean SOMEBODY can’t get rich off it.

    • JustDon’tSaySortMyBalls

      Newt Gingrich is on line 3.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Okay, so we’ve had evil Curly and now we have evil Moe. Does Sarah Huckabee Sanders count as evil Larry or do we have to wait until Scaramucci’s inevitable self-implosion?

    • Bebecca

      It seems like it’s imminent doesn’t it?

      • teele

        On the plus side, for Mr. Orange, is the fact that Smoochy is so crazy he makes Donnie look nearly sane by comparison. On the minus side is the fact that he keeps waving those nice large hands around, reminding everyone that “da boss” is somewhat modest in that department. They are about even on hairstyles, and Donnie’s orange coloring is nicely offset by Smoochy’s brown lip gloss. Wait, that brown stuff isn’t lip gloss?

        Maybe Rootin’ Tootin’ Farenthold can line up a duel at dawn for Smoochie and Rancid, so they can settle their differences like REAL boys!

  • The Flaming Carrot

    Scaramouche just compared Trump to Lincoln.. Oh no, you didn’t. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lqSCuB6jmAU

  • Bebecca

    You know how a lot of companies now require a personality test to see if you’re the right kind of person to work there? They look for things like honesty. Trump requires a personality test to see if you’re dishonest enough.

    • For fun, go look up some lists of “Signs You Have a Bad Boss” by management professionals. See how many of them apply to Trump.

    • lynchie

      and bat shit crazy

  • OneYieldRegular

    I must say, Donald Trump has done an absolutely spectacular job of cleaning up his dysfunctional communications team.

  • whitroth

    How did we get Magicallly *poof* transported to Dumbfuckistan?

    • JustDon’tSaySortMyBalls

      I got really drunk last Nov. 8, and woke up here.
      I kin haz more whisky naoh?

      • BearWithPreExistingVotes

        I’m all for whiskey and soda, but whiskey and caustic soda is a new one on me. Not gonna lye.

        • JustDon’tSaySortMyBalls

          I lit muself on fire that time.

        • spacecat in space

          (Extra ^ for the pun.)

  • BearLeft

    It actually looks like he’s sniffing his fingers, about which you’d have to wonder given where his head has been for the past week. “Gee, part of me smells clean … odd!”

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    “Trump dined (had a Happy Meal while everybody else had food) with Scaramucci, Melania, and a veritable wake of Fox News buzzards including Sean Hannity, Bill Shine and Kimberly Guilfoyle.”

    so all the media is/was in the tank for Hillary and Obama, but this is okay? Just rename it Trump’s National News and get it over with.

  • The Librarian

    Trump is the smartest man the Mooch has ever worked for? Including himself? Lololololololol. Fools for clients.

  • Cranky Man

    Here’s a trend. Starting with Cheeto Benito and continued with aotk except reince, they smuggly assume that any fool can do “guvmin”. They swagger in pull out their dick, (metaphorically in the case of Bettsy, Kelly and Sarah) and walk all over it. They’re sure that because they are of the rich and white, they know plenty and don’t need no lern’n to run the USA.

    • lynchie

      Now Bettsy, Kelly and Sarah got dicks to be fair

  • Mehmeisterjr

    “Hey, there’s all kinds of brothers, ya know? There’s Cain and Abel and, hey, you remember when Mark Twain said that Abel deserved everything he got, am I right? And there’s Romulus and Uncle Remus.

    But there’s other brothers, they got alone fine. A guy told me, I’m not going to tell you who, but this guy says that the Kray brothers, you know those Limey bastards? They used to stick their turgid love muscles up the other one’s culo, if ya know what I mean. So I mean, me and my brother Sean, hey you testa di cazzo we could go either way.”

    – Artemus Ward

    • Jeffery Campbell

      If only the whole enterprise were being run by the Collyer brothers.

      • Invisible Bunyip

        Are you sure it’s not? They’re certainly trying to get their hands on everything in the country and not let go of a single sliver.

  • Ergoetal

    Cuomo gave this idiot way too much time and respect. Scar-baby is talking to the base, obviously, and Cuomo lets him get away with it. It’s like when the CEO comes into a meeting and says “I’ll answer your questions, but first I want to say a few things.” Half an hour later he concludes and the room can’t remember their questions. S-man got a free 60-second ad, thanks to Cuomo.

    • lynchie

      a company I worked for was bought out and the CEO came to the employees meeting. I asked him why we were the only fortune 500 company which did not have a pension plan or IRA. His answer: “If you want to retire save your own fucking money”. I was gone in 6 weeks

  • nastythinkingwomanmillstone

    Hillary Clinton is too smart to waste money on planting people in the Trump administration to do dumb things when she can count on it happening on a daily basis for free. Trump is the Dumbsayer and Dumbdoer-in-Chief. No one does it better.

  • CATMAN

    The Trump White house may not have invented the circular firing squad but they have obviously brought it to undreamed heights

    • JasmineStarlight

      lol

    • Jeffery Campbell

      I much prefer the other circular activity…..

      • BearWithPreExistingVotes

        Christ, not with that crowd. Not if I’d had both arms in a cast for twelve weeks.

        • Jeffery Campbell

          Of course not with those dreadful creatures! With people more to our taste.

  • Zyxomma

    I don’t have to listen or watch. I collect rocks, and many of them are smarter than Scaramucci (I refuse to call him Mooch, because Mooch Goes to Hollywood is one of the best so-awful-it’s-great movies I own).

  • CATMAN

    The attraction between Scaramucci and Trump is obvious–both are con men of the highest order

  • Bill Patterson

    The Mooch” communicates:
    “Newly minted White House communications director Anthony Scaramucci unloaded on Reince Priebus in a profanity-laced tirade with the New Yorker on Thursday. “Reince is a fucking paranoid schizophrenic, a paranoiac,” the new White House communications director said of the president’s chief of staff. “Reince Priebus—if you want to leak something—he’ll be asked to resign very shortly.” Scaramucci said he had no interest in media attention: “I’m not Steve Bannon, I’m not trying to suck my own cock.””
    http://www.newyorker.com/
    WOW! Talk about the Straight Talk Express, Sen. McCain, you’ve been bested.

    • Husband Of Mrs God

      Who has the number for that exorcist?

      • Bill Patterson

        Lawrence O’ Donnell just said on MSNBC that “The Mooch” is “gravely mentally ill” and should not be allowed anywhere near the White House.
        He’s right, but “Mooch”‘s boss is far beyond “gravely”.
        I’m a fan of “Veep” and it has never even got near being as insanely incompetent and outrageous as Trump’s White House.
        It’s been a little bit more than six months and he has already become the absolutely worst president in American history.
        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eg-ckMup6SI

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Picture caption: I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.

  • Lyly Sirivong

    Do you think he yelled “See you in court !” to Priebus ? (whose name really sounds like that of a car… Like Toyota Priebus)

    • Husband Of Mrs God

      Yep. Sometimes I like to say Prince Rebus but that would be a more interesting character, although a little cryptic.

  • peregrin

    So this is irrelevant to Scaramucci being an idiot, but “Other times big brother takes little
    brother out into a field and stones him to death because God Daddy
    didn’t like big brother’s dumbfuck burnt offering very much” reminded me of how offended I got as a little kid at that Bible story. Not the brother killing, but the grain offering being rejected. We’re wheat farmers and so little me was very upset that our wheat wasn’t good enough for God. That was my takeaway from the Cain and Abel story as a kid.

    • Husband Of Mrs God

      The evil there is so clear, when you translate the fancy words into plain English. Source of moral inspiration, yah right.

    • Invisible Bunyip

      I’m with you on this one. They were both farmers, and both gave of what they farmed. Guess Big Imaginary Old White Male in the sky wants blood, not simple tributes.

      • BearWithPreExistingVotes

        “Skittles and iced tea are UNCLEAN!”

    • Opiwan

      My takeaway was serious confusion why Dean Cain would do that, and if he was so mean, how could he be Superman, too?

    • Mr. White

      God asking Abraham to kill his son and then saying “Just kidding!” at the moment of truth is another fun one. So God is a sadist. Nice.

  • Husband Of Mrs God

    In the early history of the Doniverse, balanced and unbalanced occupants formed a balanced mixture.
    However, powerful unbalanced core attracted more unbalanced elements and expelled balanced elements, exponentially increasing the net imbalance.
    As these processes are still not well understood, it is hard to predict where this is going. Expectations may be dashed.
    Many observers with short attention spans will think it was always thus.

  • John Strycharz

    I suppose it’s too much to hope for, but it would be heaven if SNL could get Joe Pesci to play Mooch. Oh well, that’s why God gave us imagination, bless Her. “Yeah, I said Joe Paterno, are you f*****g deaf or sumptin’, you f*****g piece of s**t!”

    • BearWithPreExistingVotes

      “We’re the Sticky Bandits! The pee hookers had diabeetus!!”

  • gullywompr

    The Mooch will fucking cunt punt the next person he hears about doing something like that, and he don’t give a fuck if you SOR him, HE WILL FUCKING ASSAULT YOU.

    • spacecat in space

      Such a well-raised gentleman. Class act, this White House. Class act all the way,

  • President Grabem contemplating newly divulged Bannon acrobatics

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/8b18b84c94603e6460f64990bcce278db233ed0959424b6f9a766f6b7ada8169.png

    !AGAM

  • Celtic_Gnome

    What Would Joe Paterno Say? is going to be my go-to argument for every statement by a right-wing nutjob.

    • BearWithPreExistingVotes

      “10, would do again.”

  • rubikcube

    The best and the brightest. Nice. Didn’t Huckabooboo just get finished saying that? Of course she did.

    • spacecat in space

      For some reason, I read that as “Huckaweeaboo”, and now my headcanon says she has anime posters all over her cubicle walls and says, “Kawaii!” a lot at inappropriate times during meetings.

  • BearWithPreExistingVotes

    Burnt Offering? Least favorite Crayola color. Glad they ditched it. Though I’m not sure I care for its replacement, Gilded Covfefe…

  • Regret

    150 YEARS IS NOT ENOUGH TIME FOR EVOLUTION TO WORK!
    THAT IS JUST A HANDFUL OF GENERATIONS!
    The most likely explanation for our increase in size is improved diet.
    https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/why-are-we-getting-taller/

    • lynchie

      I think the Mooch means it’s because of Bannon trying to fellate himself

  • Husband Of Mrs God

    Darkness has a hunger that’s insatiable.
    Thanks, girls.

  • CindyinEncinitas

    The crux of the biscuit is the apostrophe, Mooch.

  • Hazel Blumberg

    Mooch, that was a Public Record. Anyone can see a Public Record. Try to get that through your moronic trumpian skull.

  • Mr. White

    Breaking news: The Mooch’s wife of 3 years has filed for divorce. Tee hee! http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4740888/Anthony-Scaramucci-wife-Deidre-files-divorce.html

  • The Reverend Stu’

    I think he may be coming to terms with his self-imposed ‘teh Gay’ for the Drumpf… Anger, rejection, acceptance, kleenex….

  • Anastasia

    great rticle raja poker

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