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Today, White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders opened her briefing with a short propaganda note from 9-year-old McGuffin “Dylan,” also known as “Pickle.” It was very fake.

It reads:

Dear President Trump

My name Dylan but everybody calls me Pickle. I’m 9 years old and you are my fovrit President. I like you so much I had a bifthday about you. My cake was the shap of your hat. How old ar you? How big is the white hose? I dont now why people dont like you. You seme nice can we be friends. My pitcher is in here so if you see me you can say hi.

your friend
Dylan

That the best you got, Sarah Huckabee Sanders? Yeah, that is the best they got.

Now let’s look at a REAL letter to a president, one written by mom’s former third grade student in 61st Street School in South LA.

Dear Bush

My name is Quillaine I am 10 years old. You is a mean man do you like war? yes are no. I think you like war because you knew that we would had won every one should know was going to win because we have the best weapon in the world. I think you is a person that love war and hate peace. I don’t know why some people voted for you. I know that it you would not be the pres. if everybody would had voted. So your really a pain in the but to lots of people and I don’t like you because we would had not had this war but you did not listen to the golden rule. I wonder if you go around and just put people in jail I don’t like people ohw don’t follow the golden rule sorry I had to be so rude

Sincerly
Quillaine

Now that is how you write a letter to a president, “Pickle”! Enough of this “I had a bifthday about you” and “I like money. You like money too???” We are not in Idiocracy. YET.

Give President Comacho a minute before he gets to the Brawndo.

$
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  • BadKitty904

    “Pickle”? Srsly? Any kid called “Pickle” would be ceaselessly beaten up by other little Reich-wing boys.

  • armed_bears

    Could we please just leave the children out of this?

    • Yellerduck

      No. They keep trying to repeal the ACA.

  • Skeptical_thinker

    Given the content, grammar, word choice and spelling, I have to go with “Pickle” being Donald J. Trump.

    • BadKitty904

      That was my very first thought. Plus given Lil’ Donnie’s penchant for pretending to be his own supporters.

      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        Perhaps Pickle is the long-lost son of famed Trump publicist John Barron.

        • BadKitty904

          Young Pickle Barron.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • BadKitty904

    Let me guess – “Pickle” is a Boy Scout, too.

    • Ill-Advised

      And John Barron’s son. Or John
      Miller’s? I’ve lost track of Trump Under Cover.

      The idea that Sarah Huckabee reads to him at nine-year-old’s reading level is….so interesting.

      • BadKitty904

        That’s one word for it.

  • Anna Rompage

    Come on, that’s a fake letter written by Stephen Miller…

    • The Wanderer

      Hee! GMTA

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      we know it wasn’t written by Kasowitz, president is spelled correctly…

    • Major_Major_Major

      Not creepy enough to be Stephen Miller, his would be something along the lines of :
      Dear Precedent Trump,
      I have been following your every post on twitter, and I was hoping you might have some toenail or nose hair clippings that I can have. I collect those and other mementos from my victims idols.
      I’ll be watching you intensely,
      Stevie

  • The Wanderer

    Is “Pickle” Steve Miller’s nom de plume?

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    signed, Epstein’s mother

    • BadKitty904

      lol

  • Nounverb911
    • willi0000000

      i’m sure she’s working thousands of times harder right now.

      [ multiply anything by zero… ]

  • Joe Beese

    Dear Dylan,

    I am not nice. And we can not be friends.

    Fuck you,
    Donald J. Trump
    President of the United States of America

    • Richard Jokes

      Dear Dylan,
      I’m gonna need to see a birth certificate.

      – POTUS

      • FlownΩver

        But I’m white!
        – Pickle

        • Richard Jokes

          Fake news, pickles are green. ICE is coming for your martian ass.

  • Joe Beese
    • Joe Beese

      FWIW, Freedom Caucsucker Mark Meadows says there is “zero chance” of the House passing skinny repeal.

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        They have enough votes hostage I think they could prevent it.

      • whitroth

        Hey, you messpelled that. It’s NeoConfederate (treason) Caucus.

    • Alienist

      Cornyn: Look at this beauty! It’s a great bargain!
      Me: Does it run?
      Cornyn: Does it run!? No.
      Me: Why would I want it?
      Cornyn: Once it’s bought, we’ll fix it!
      Me: Why don’t we fix it first, then I’ll see if I like it?
      Cornyn: No, no, no. That won’t work. You see, I’m kind of in a time crunch.
      Me: That doesn’t sound like MY problem.
      Cornyn: OK. Buy it and I’ll throw in all the parts to fix it for free.
      Me: How do I know the parts will fix it?
      Cornyn: They won’t, but they are a great value.
      Me: I’m not going to buy a worn out, cobbled together, useless (or worse)
      piece of junk!
      Cornyn: Fine, you drive a hard bargain. Here is a coupon for the next model to
      come out. We guarantee you’ll like it.
      Me: How do you know I’ll like it?
      Cornyn: We’ll have destroyed all other alternatives.
      Me: Alan? Alan Funt? Is he hiding in that car over there? Alan, you
      outdid yourself today. This guy looks just like Senator Cornyn, but
      he’s dumb as a bag of hair! Alan….Alan….oh, dear.

    • Msgr_MΩment
  • OddMan
  • whitroth

    Just wondering: are 9 yr olds that ignorant/bad writers? Or was it ghostwritten by Bannon?

    • BadKitty904

      Went to a GOP charter-skool…

    • Yr. Gma

      Bannon isn’t fair game for us to ridicule. I wish the fat asshole had as much respect for children.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    As several people on the Intertubes have pointed out, even 9-yr-olds want to see Dumbass’ tax returns.

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter
  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    Careful, Pickle. Trump doesn’t like people named after deli sides.

  • Me not sure

    I should have saved my “The Art Of The Dill” joke for Pickle…..Damn!

  • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

    Pickles is Fake News. The phony Pickle Hoax is sad (sick?)

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Pickle isn’t kosher?

  • Joe Beese
    • Joe Beese
      • armed_bears

        Reasonably great blue-eyed soul. But I am an Oldz.

    • Skeptical_thinker

      Jesus.FUCKING.Christ. At least give a trigger warning!

    • BadKitty904
    • Yr. Gma

      That makeup and hair person they are using is doing a bang-up job. *looks around for Woman and hides*

    • Jennifer R

      Do that thing where you make 90% of their face forehead.

    • elviouslyqueer

      When “Bless Her Heart” just can’t cut it anymore.

      • proudgrampa

        Bless her heart…

    • aktlib101

      How can someone so loud and obnoxious be so unattractive? Fuckabee genes?

      • proudgrampa

        Yes.

      • Ill-Advised

        On-sight pity reflex. Immediately invalidated upon learning that we unpretty people don’t have to work harder, if we have the right genes.

    • janecita

      Pobrecita, es más fea que un culo:-(

      • blarg

        No me gusta la mujer, pero que tu dijiste es sexista. No se usan las armas de los enemigos a lucharlos.

        • janecita

          Es mi opinión, y si no te gusta lo siento mucho. I’m sorry, but the woman looks exactly like her very unattractive father.

          • miss_grundy

            Estoy contigo y me cai como higado de res vieja….

          • janecita

            My family in Matanzas used to say “No comas catibia,” to us kids. I was like 9 years old the last time I heard that, very Cuban, saying.

          • miss_grundy

            My mother was from Banes and my father from Cristo, both towns in Oriente.

        • miss_grundy

          No comas catibia…..

          • blarg

            Jeje. La verdad duele, pero es preferible a insultos faciles.

    • Lazy Media

      *Fart noise*

      • yyyaz

        Looks more like she has some solid granite moving at glacier speed.

  • proudgrampa

    Deja vu…

  • yyyaz

    Dill baby, dill!

  • Scooby

    Wasn’t Tiny Pickle Trumps nickname?

    • Skeptical_thinker

      Wasn’t Tiny Pickle Trump’s penis’ nickname?

      IFYPFY

      • elviouslyqueer

        Only Melanoma knows for sure.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          you misspelled Ivanka

          • clubseal

            That got dark real fast.

  • Yr. Gma

    Have any reading specialists analyzed this yet? I have 10 year old grandchildren who write much better that this. It reads like a fake cooked up by adults who think this is how kids write. What a fucking disgrace that asshole is for making kids his target now.

    • proudgrampa

      proudgrampa approves this message.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Anyone got a writing sample from Donnie Jr. yet?

    • Jennifer R

      I wrote better than that as an autistic 6 year old.

    • Richard Jokes

      Seconded on this is what idiots think kids sound like.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Home. School.

    • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

      Exactly. All that’s missing is the backwards Я.

      • willi0000000

        they fixed those when they translated from the original Cyrillic.

        • PubOption

          Ya think?

  • memzilla Ω

    “Show me a 9 year old boy in Trump country who’s nicknamed “Pickle,” and I’ll show you a boy who’s gone through four grades without his lunch money.” — Nelson Muntz

    • yyyaz

      Kindergarten and the First Grade X 3.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    The short pickled vulgarian…

  • elviouslyqueer

    Nice try, Spicey, but Orangina’s still not gonna hire you back.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      My guess was Don Jr.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      My guess was Mooch…

      • WotsAllThisThen

        Some staffer who didn’t want to be fired.

  • janecita

    Dear Dylan, your writing is horrendous, and your spelling makes me cringe. Your school must be terrible, I feel sorry for you.
    Signed
    Logan
    (My 10 year old, mean AF, son)

    • Jennifer R

      :tear in her eye: Maybe this next generation isn’t so fucked after all.

      • janecita

        Nah, there are some good kids out there. My 12 year old daughter is a raging feminist:-)

        • Beanz&Berryz

          Our 20-somethings are smart, aware, and have good hearts. I don’t dispair their generation like I do this one.

          • janecita

            I’m with you, the kids are alright.

        • Résistance Land Shark Ω

          The daughter shark pup is an ecological hippie. And her comments after the trump debates was, “He’s really stupid, isn’t he?”

        • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

          Mine too!

    • JMP

      It’s still better than Donnie’s spelling and grammar, though; he doesn’t even use quotation marks for “emphasis” or improperly Capitalize random Words.

  • OneWhiteWhisker

    That’s Jim’s kid.

  • gene108

    I’m sure Quiallane’s letter to President Bush is heart felt, but someone should have proofread it before it went out.

    I like where Quaillane’s head and heart are at, but there’s some fine tuning that needs to be done.

    • Yr. Gma

      It’s the errors that convey the sincerity, showing it to be an authentic letter from a real kid. The “errors” in the pickle letter sound inauthentic to me.

      • gene108

        I agree, about Dylan’s letter seeming a bit off to have come from an actual kid, and it’s more striking when compared to Quiallane’s letter.

  • Pre-Existing Condition Jack
  • Richard Jokes

    Has anyone else noticed, this last week or so, how important the approval of children is to Donald Trump? Has anyone else here ever met anyone that desperate for public adoration?

    • Yr. Gma

      Yes, I noticed. He is despicable.

      • Skeptical_thinker

        Yes, I noticed. He is despickleble.

        IFYPFY

        • yyyaz

          We’re going for the bottom of the barrel here, aren’t we?

          • FlownΩver

            WASWYDT.

    • BadKitty904

      Well, he’s certainly never going to get it from grown-ups.

      • Richard Jokes

        Exactly. He realises it’s easier to impress kids and he is okay with that.

        • BadKitty904

          He sees them as his equals.

          • FlownΩver

            They should feel insulted.

          • BadKitty904

            They are. They’re just too young to know it.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      That’s because children are our future: Nasty, brutish, and short.

      • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

        Yep, children ARE our future. Teach them well, and let them lead the way. Show them all the beauty we possess inside….give them a sense of pride to make it easier; let the children’s laughter remind us how it used to be.

        I decided long ago never to walk in anyone’s —

        (Hook pulls me from stage)

        • H0mer0

          and drops you in a bathtub?

  • yyyaz

    If I had written that poorly as a kid, I would hanging out at Britefart or running the DOE.

    • BadKitty904

      If I had written that poorly as a kid, Sister Teresa would’ve called for an exorcist.

    • gene108

      If I had written that poorly, my mom would’ve sat me down and me transcribe a page or two from a book, until I learned to right gooder.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Handwritten? Dylan should have gone electric.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Show yourself out, please.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Judas.

      • Amy!

        Play it fucking loud!

      • ViveLaResistance!

        I don’t believe you.

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      It took a moment to sink in. I hand to scroll back up to vote up.

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    FAKE NEWS! No 10 year old knows how to operate a pencil or pen anymore!

    • Shanzgood

      I’m old, I guess, because I’m sad they don’t get taught cursive now.

      • JMP

        I’m old too, but I’m glad if they’ve finally stopped teaching that completely useless archaic skill; after getting to high school where they no longer insisted on us using cursive I’ve never used it for anything except my signature.

        • jesterpunk

          That is going on your permanent record.

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        I remember the cursive example letters above the chalkboard and the Sisters of No Mercy forcing us to learn it. Oh, that and the no recess if y’all were a sinner.

      • clubseal

        I’m 33 so I did learn cursive, but I’m not sure I understand why people get upset that it isn’t taught anymore.
        Maybe it’s that mystical power it has to make writing your name on a contract mean more or something.

        • Shanzgood

          I don’t know. I just like it.

          • clubseal

            It is neat to look at, I’ll admit. Something about the loops.

          • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

            I read somewhere that writing cursive was good for the brain, since you have to process the letters as a sequence rather than individually (as one does with printing or typing). Wish I’d bookmarked it.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        Cursive? I know hell, and damn, and—

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        The offspring actually says he has trouble reading it – even my mother’s perfect Catholic-schoolgirl handwriting.

        • JMP

          Hell, I can’t read cursive either, and I’m middle aged, but never had reason to read much of other people’s writing done by hand. Even when it looks nice, it’s illegible.

          • PubOption

            I grew up in an old (early 1800’s) house in England The deeds were written in copperplate using sepia ink on yellowing parchment paper. That was hard to read.

        • Shanzgood

          My daughter can’t, either. I had to read her a letter baconz wrote to he because it was mostly in cursive.

      • Snark Tank Full of Resistance
  • Lazy Media

    Whoa! I can’t believe you like money, too!

    • BadKitty904

      “‘Like’ isn’t exactly the correct word, Pickle…”

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    Now you guy’s got me looking at Hitler GIFs.

    http://i.imgur.com/1MstjRF.gif

    • proudgrampa

      OMG. The curtsy makes me ill.

      • Shanzgood

        I wondered what was happening at first.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      You can’t compare this to Trump. He didn’t say, “In ten years I’ll be dating her.”

      • SDGeoff3

        Sources, please?

      • ViveLaResistance!

        Au contraire! Hitler kept his niece (25 years younger than him) as a prisoner in his home and (allegedly) had very prurient thoughts and/or actions regarding her. She killed herself to get away from him.

  • Vincent Ricola

    In fairness, Dylan “Pickles” J. Barron can’t read, so there’s no way he’s got the literacy of a fancy learned 9-year-old letter writer.

  • Spurning Beer

    Deer Presnident Trummp,

    My name Jefferson Boregard Seshuns, but every body calls me Keebler.

    You are really really grate. You are the best presnident. I donnt know why peeple dont like you and say you pick you’r nose and eat the boogers all the time. They ar crayze!

    Again, you are grate and I want to werk for you forever. I wil tell lies next time, I promice. They wont let me fire Mister Muelller, but a guy I know say he can get him kild. Will you be nice to me again if I do that?

    You’r frend,
    Keebler, 9 yers old

  • JMP

    I don’t buy it; Dylan as a first name was big in the early-mid 90s, thanks primarily to Beverly Hills 90210, but by 2008 was gone. A nine-year-old boy with dumb trendy parents would be named Aiden or Jayden.

    • proudgrampa

      The man ain’t got no culture. Talkin ’bout Dylan. Dylan Thomas – whoever he was.

      But it’s all right now! Every body must get stoned!!!!!

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Send him on back to Llareggub.

      • yyyaz

        A leaf, a door, whatever.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Isn’t he the one who wrote: “Please, donald, go. Go gently into that dark night?…

        • yyyaz

          If he didn’t, he should have.

        • Msgr_MΩment

          “I moved on Sylvia Plath like a bitch, but I couldn’t get there. She had her head in the oven.”

          /too soon

          • SDGeoff3

            Never too soon.

        • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

          Well, “I’ve had 18 straight whiskies; I think that’s the record” seems prescient.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Dumb, trendy parents confirmed.

      http://static.djbooth.net/pics-features/jaden-smith.jpg

      Even worse: Their names are basically just gender-swapped versions of the parents’. Jada is the mother. The sister is Willow (Will).

      • Internet Hitler

        Mind…. BLOWN!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Five year old boys are named Jamie, Tyrion, and Brandon now.

      • yyyaz

        Tier-ree-ahn???

        • Three Finger Salute

          Lannister. Daenerys is a thing now too. So were Anastasia and Christian (Fifty Shades of Grey), and before that Bella, Jacob and Edward (Twilight, of which Fifty Shades was a really bad X-rated fanfic), and before that Harry, Ron and Hermione.

          People are obsessed with passing fads of pop culture. The names of these kids are going to be like time capsules of the year they were born. Nobody names their kids after family members anymore or looks through baby-name books. Heck, I went to school with twins named Camry and Sedanne. Guarantee you they were named for the place they were conceived.

          • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

            You can check baby name popularity over time here:
            https://www.ssa.gov/cgi-bin/babyname.cgi

            There’s a lot of 3 year olds named Elsa, fwiw.

          • JMP

            It is weird that my name, while rare when I was born, became very trendy about 10-15 years afterwards, so that there are a whole shitload of celebrities in their 20s and early 30s with it; but I know of no pop culture used of it at the time that I know of to explain it.

      • SDGeoff3

        The parents are so ashamed, they wait five years before they name them.

        For a few years in the late nineties, I had a run of Madisons in my elementary classes. Here we are twenty-some years later, and I’m playing for their weddings. And the name doesn’t sound any better.

    • Randy Riddle

      Unless he’s in Appalachia or the South, where the trendy names of yesteryear live on because of reruns on the satellite dish.

      • JMP

        That reminds me of when my family stopped at a hotel in rural Ohio while I was on my way too college, and almost everyone there had a mullet. This was in 1994, at least five years after everyone had stopped getting mullets in the civilized parts of the country.

        • marxalot

          In some places, hockey hair will never truly die.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Kid you not, a few years back there was a picture in the local fish wrap of a woman and her two kids at a playground. Their names were Sydney and Gage — the names of the two young cops who joined “Walker, Texas Ranger” during the last couple of seasons. Nia Peeples (who I think is about Chuck Norris’ height) and some other guy.

        https://i.ytimg.com/vi/-USi-q8KH3A/maxresdefault.jpg

        • Doug Langley

          True story: I once worked on Walker Texas Ranger. One scene I did (VFX) was where Gage was showing Walker his awesome new car. Now in Movieland, anytime the boss says “Mind if I take it for a spin?”, you know it means Five Minutes And Your Expensive Pride Of Your Life Gets Totaled.

        • dlemex

          Sydney and Gage sound like ’90s porno names to me…

  • Mr. Blobfish

    That’s the best the Mooch could come up with?

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Give him time … he’s new to the job.

    • Shanzgood

      Stop gloating!

      • Hey! We don’t publish Rolling Stone

        • Shanzgood

          Oh, I was just teasing after what someone said last night about you gloaty Canadians with your healthcare and sexxxy PM!

    • BadKitty904
    • Three Finger Salute

      Hey Justin. You’re a rock star.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gUjcjUF-urU

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I read somewhere it was a sexy article,and immediately thought of the Wonketariat, hunkering down in their bunks

      • Three Finger Salute

        The Canuck press is complaining about it. Saying it’s “overly fawning” etc. The jealousy is strong with these ones. And they’re clearly oblivious to how much we really, really need a Trudeau down here — or they don’t care and figure the “elephant” finally got what it deserved. Not all Americans are Trumpists, stupid writer for MacLean’s.

        Far worse are the alt-Reichists comparing it to the Dzhokhar Tsarnaev cover. Something something a curly-haired Muslim terrorist heartthrob. Oh, FFS, STFU…

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          I met a Canadian last week who thought Trump “had some good ideas.” I mentioned Trudeau, and he said “he’s popular because he has good hair.” It’s nice to know Canada has nuts, too. I always think we’re the country fill of morons, but then I meet people from other countries who are also idiots.

          • PubOption

            Rick Perry libelz!

  • arglebargle
  • BadKitty904
    • PubOption

      The hair looks natural.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Dear Mr. Trump,

    The Times They are a-Changin’. You Masters of War and Blowin’ in the Wind, Like a Rollin’ Stone. It’s All Mixed-Up Confusion. It gives me the Subterranean Homesick Blues. Rage, Rage, Against the Dying of the Light.

    Dylan.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Out!

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      That’s a real Motor-Psycho Nightmare.

    • yyyaz

      Awright, get in back, you’re late for a “date” on Highway 61.

    • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

      P.P.S. I had a bifthday about you and the cake wuz in the shape of your leapurd-skinn pilbox hat.

    • FlownΩver

      And I’ll watch while you’re lowered
      Down to your deathbed
      And I’ll stand over your grave
      ‘Til I’m sure that you’re dead

      I’m assuming quotations from the works of a Nobel laureate don’t run afoul of the commenting rules.

    • FlownΩver

      Oh, I ain’t gona talk to Maggie Haberman no more…

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    Um, yes we are in Idiocracy?….

    • ViveLaResistance!

      We are not, as George Carlin said, circling the drain. We are now looking up at the drain as it gets smaller and the cesspool approaches.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Him from Appleacha

  • Internet Hitler

    Is that from Pickle Miller or Pickle Barron? You know – Jim’s boy.

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    Poor Dylan. Since that birthday party, he doesn’t have any friends who are allowed to go to his house. I’m so sorry…

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Another letter:
    Dear Super Terrific Handsome President,
    You are the bestest, classiest, biggest president ever. Your ideas are yooge, terrific, and the best. You are a stupendous winner, and every supermodel wants to bang you. I am ten, how old are You? You look 30.

    Signed,
    John barron

    • Msgr_MΩment

      My head is spinning.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Dear Donnie,

      You’re good enough. You’re smart enough. And dog gone it, people like you.

      Your pal,

      Brad

      • JMP

        This Brad?

        “I do not know as I just found your site 15 minutes ago, is it supposed to be funny, mean or just what. Honestly I found some of it funny, some mean and some just different and I have enjoyed that. Sadly, I am not sure if this is a site I want to stay with, perhaps you could give me a good idea of where and what would be good in your archives to look at. I think you know there is enough worth looking at, fake or whatever, going to look around longer, thanks. Brad

        Read more at https://wonkette.com/609364/what-is-this-thing-called-wonket-is-it-mean-funny-fake-or-just-different-a-guide-for-brad#07yP0Th62bgmTLg8.99

        Or this one?

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aSIHbt8tGQA

        (And just recently I’ve been seeing that ad come back again, after it had been playing for years).

        • Msgr_MΩment

          “There was something oddly fulfilling about watching the carcrusher press Brad into a pancake.”

        • elviouslyqueer

          Yes.

  • elviouslyqueer

    So wait a second. “Pickle” spells PRESIDENT correctly not once, but twice, and yet he can’t spell “house,” “shape” or “picture” right?

    https://m.popkey.co/dd5625/A6gmV_s-200×150.gif?c=popkey-web&p=mars&i=3musketeers&l=search&f=.gif

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      Yeah, he didn’t spell it ‘prednisent’ so that rules out anyone on the Donnie legal team.

    • Le Chapeau

      Hmmmmm. I think you have exposed the key to the deception.

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      egad, holmes, how do you do it?

      • H0mer0

        I used to think “Egad” was someone’s name

  • WotsAllThisThen

    I think we found Jared’s unnamed assistant.

  • Arse Grammatica

    “You seme nice”
    New spelling for here?

    • Jennifer R

      They just missed the space bar, it was supposed to be “You semen ice”.

      • ZangoCrudmonger

        I did not have to scroll down far……..

        • Jennifer R

          I aim to please!

    • Les Appentis De la résistance

      Bless yure hart.

  • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

    Well, we all know that letter was not written by Donnie. The grammar, the spelling, the syntax. . . Donnie simply can’t write that well. Maybe Bannon?

  • Jenny

    His cake was shaped like Trump’s hair???

    And people ate it???

    • Shanzgood

      It was made of cotton candy.

      • yyyaz

        And shellac. Lots of shellac.

      • Jenny

        That means the cake is a lie. Oh noes!

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    One day “Pickle” will help to run the family’s roadside greengrocery:

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/218b7c373e2c0e2ca46fd714d179b2e1395b0577c358e05611647a68f77041b4.jpg

  • BeachBum

    Deer Miss HuckaSandersaBee ,
    This iz the woerstest Russinskis Dizstrakkshun ever I seed !1!1 No froot cup for UUU !
    Sinceerly, Mitchy “the Hammer” McConelel.

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    Is it me, or is that a special tremor in Hucker’s voice, the kind that comes when you’re trying out an especially lousy lie?…

    • BeachBum

      She should ask for a refund from the Goebbels’ Skool of Speeking in Publik.

    • Amy!

      Suppressing giggles?

  • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

    My guess: “Dylan” is a fake name for Kim Jong Un. The spelling bears this out.

    • gffish

      I don’t think so. I’ve known many young Koreans, and they are all much more intelligent than “Dylan.”

  • Randy Riddle

    “Dylan” will probably figure out that “Pickle” is not a term of endearment.

    • H0mer0

      “I don’t want a pickle. I just wanna ride my motorcycle.”

  • marxalot

    Whoever does her eyebrows either works for the Resistance or needs to spend some time studying normal human expressions. Because however accurate it might be, “mad you caught them and still lying” is probably not the impression she’s trying to give.

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      Uncle Leo thinks they look just fine.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    Dear President Trump,

    My name is Bubbles. Blow me.
    http://assets.sbnation.com/assets/2235525/Bubs.jpg

    • SDGeoff3

      Wow.

    • yyyaz

      “You’re giving loonies a bad name.”
      — Trailer Park Boyz

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    Btw, that’s supposed to be a 9 year old’s handwriting? I dunno…seems pretty advanced for a Trump supporter.

  • P’jama Pahnts

    So Mr. Trump finally gets the validation he’s always craved. Yay.

  • TJ Barke

    Dear Dylan, if you are real, you are not being raised right. You’re not being taught genuine American values. Your parents should be ashamed.

  • Daniel Hooper

    Praise from 9 year olds; that’s what the Press Secratary is reduced to showing. Almost certainly FAKE praise from 9 years old.

    … Thanks, voters in middle America!

  • Randy Riddle

    I still think the only reason she has that job is because Mike Huckabee was looking for a favor and couldn’t get one from FoxNews due to the network’s blonde, leggy, and willing to be sexually harassed to break into tv hiring policy.

    • Le Chapeau

      Her mouth always looks like it’s trying to escape from her face.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    The video cuts off too soon, so here’s the rest of the transcript.

    DYLAN: How old ar you?
    SARAH: Dylan, President Trump is 71 years old.
    DYLAN: How big is the white hose?
    SARAH: It’s yoooooooge. There’s rooms the President hasn’t even explored yet, and we’ve declined to brief him on the hooker pee-pee room.
    DYLAN: I dont now why people dont like you.
    SARAH: Hillary stooges. They all hate The President because he won the election. He really did. It was that night when they had all those maps on the TV. It was blue all over the place. In fact, I’d say that it was maybe 90% blue. Why doesn’t the crooked press ever report on that?
    DYLAN: You seme nice can we be friends.
    SARAH: Dylan, The President is terribly busy right now. Please call back when you are a multi- billionaire, or control a Russian bank.
    DYLAN: My pitcher is in here so if you see me you can say hi.
    SARAH: Dylan, you’re a six, if we adjust for age, and I think we need to. Do you have any older sisters that might be nines or tens?

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      ‘Do you have any older sisters that might be nines or tens nine or ten?’

      fify

  • Carpe Vagenda
    • Scrofula

      It might be cute when it’s real, but I like to think impressing nine year-olds is NOT why you’re there Ms. Sanders.

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        nah, just impressing the four-year-old she works for.
        ha, I wonder if we’re in for escalating presidential ass-kissing between hucksterbee and the mooch?

        • tex7

          I think the fact that there are no fold lines on the “letter” is clearly an indication that Huckabee is a talented, creative artist (not) and she outscored the Mooch today, so one point for Huckabee.

    • TootsStansbury

      Really? So when are you going to stop being such hateful, lying treasonous assholes and start doing all that other stuff? Oh, that’s a lie too, got it.

    • Le Chapeau

      What a vomit-inducing intro …

    • Dudleydidwrong

      “..to serve the American people.” As what? Appetizers for the 1% and their annual “Fuck the People” banquet? Hors d’oeuvres at a Trump family gathering where they binge watch The Twilight Zone episodes including this one? Soup and sandwiches after the burning of the US Constitution party?

  • ZangoCrudmonger

    I’m sure it’s been said…….

    wait………

    ahem…………….

    fucking kids.

    • mancityRed6

      aaand now you’re on a list.

  • Teecha

    My expert opinion is that this is a load of hairy bollocks.

  • mancityRed6

    when I was 9, it was either the last half of my third grade year, or the first half of my fourth grade.
    the spelling mistakes, I can handle those. at that point, I think I was still using Big Chief tablets and taking up two spaces to write. but it damn sure looked a hell of a lot better than that.
    and I guarantee that no 9 year old cares about politics. none. hell, at that age, I was just starting to appreciate the female form.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      When I was in 5th grade (age 10) we had to write a letter to the President, to a Senator, and to our state Rep. It was a school exercise in learning how to write a formal letter, including proper salutations. It’s possible Pickle had a similar school exercise, but if so they aren’t teaching him much.

      • mancityRed6

        no, at that age, you’re still using one space for the lower case, and two for the upper case. the muscle coordination just isn’t there yet.

        • Angela Ruzzo

          I’m not sure I agree with you, because they taught us cursive writing in 3rd grade and we were pretty good at it, and it requires good muscle coordination.

          • mancityRed6

            I think the cursive started in 3rd (I know damn well the roman numerals to 1,000 did), but still, no.
            no way in hell is this real or is this kid 9

  • Mehmeisterjr

    You have to dance like you’re boning a hooker.
    Sing like a federal witness.
    Hate like you’re fixin’ to hurt,
    And live like it’s Russia on earth.

    – Ambrose Bierce

    • Le Chapeau

      Upvoted, not only for the Bierce reference (how I wish we had him with us today) but for the true Biercian tone. I salute thee.

  • Mavenmaven

    Dylan, President Trump is 71 uears old but emotionally, he’s just like someone your age. .

    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      Maybe if you subtract seven years from Dylan’s age.

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    cause 9 year olds really have a deep grasp of domestic and foreign issues.

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      ours did, but then, we actually exposed them to facts and stuff.

      • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

        I’m turning you into DCFS, you monster!

    • davidhollenshead

      At least more understanding than our Führer Trump has about the issues……

  • Mehmeisterjr

    Was that letter from John “Pickle” Miller or John “Pickle” Baron?

    How odd that this kid has the same nickname as Melania’s term of endearment for The Donald’s, uh, thumb.

  • Scrofula

    Quillaine? Pickle? Trump? These are not real names people.

    Reminds me of an elementary science fair I judged. The precocious boy with the eco-friendly mini-sub was named Raven. He smelled like they used eco-friendly recycled soap at home.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      I used to judge 8th grade Science and Social Studies fairs in Louisiana. None of those 13-yr-olds could write as well as Pickle did, which astonished me. They were also totally inarticulate, which is not how I remember being at age 13, in fact quite the opposite. Have kids changed that much?

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        Were you 13 in Louisiana ?

        • Angela Ruzzo

          No, thank god, I was 13 in the Midwest in 1969. Much better schools.

      • Scrofula

        Yeah, I had a pretty articulate talk with a suburban CA second grader about why the food coloring went up the celery stalk.

        I’m starting to think LA might be the problem.

  • Monday the Boy Scouts boo Hillary and Barack at the Boy Scout Jamboree as Trump warns them about “fake news”.

    Wednesday the American Legion haul out young children to sing “The Battle Hymm of the Republic” to Trump. Glory, glory, hallelujah….the coming of the lord….all of it. During the daily briefing, SHS reads the aforementioned letter written by a 59 year old Trump supporter who forgot to write the “5” in his age.

    Friday Trump will declare “Two Scoops For Everyone Day!” looking for a ratings bump in his cherished 5-13 demographic.

    Trump is developing a future generation of idiots as part of his legacy.

    • davidhollenshead

      Nah, our Führer Trump is going to establish his Führer Trump Youth, who will be taught important skills, like turning in their family for thought crimes & illegal sexual practices, beating up the “undesirables”, etc. before eventually being used as cannon fodder.

  • Alexander Stallwitz

    To be fair, maybe they mixed up Trump’s fan mail with the children’s letters

  • Cogswell – in a mirror darkly

    It appears even remedial classes are too difficult for this poor child. Perhaps special needs will do “Pickle” some good.

  • BosGrl

    Question: Can a bakery refuse to bake a cake in the shape of a stupid red hat? Asking for a friend.

    • m3bosha

      You know, I was wondering the same thing. I would think “yes” as orange dudes in red hats is not a protected class.

      • Swampgas_Man

        Your friend can cite religious reasons, Because Trump is AntiChrist.

  • m3bosha

    So this “Dylan” is home schooled?

    • Shawn Renee Ernoehazy

      When my husband was a fencing coach; the club he worked at had many home-schooled children and Waldorf “educated” kids. One home schooled girl was somehow left to answer the phones in the club one day; he shared the message she wrote. This was when the girl was at least 16, but the message looked as if it was written by a 2nd grade child. She was a decent fencer (she could follow direct instructions well), and gained a full scholarship to an Ivy league college based only on her fencing scores. A few of the Waldorf kids sought me out for assistance on assignments (I still have no idea why) that their parents or teachers could not advise them on. If only I had any knowledge of fencing (and parents who could have afforded it or backed me in any way) I would not have my giant (late in life) student loans with compounded interest hanging over me. I saw barely literate kids get full ride scholarships and degrees from good schools because they could fence well enough. The only bright star was James Williams; a great kid who took silver in the Olympics. He was also smart! And humble, a great kid. His weapon was sabre in the games, he came back to his home club to share the glory of his medal with his coaches and other students. The girl who couldn’t write a note…may have gotten a degree in something, for free.

  • Paperless Tiger

    Who would tell such terrible lies to a child?

    • BadKitty904

      A Republican.

  • Pisto75666

    I wonder if a sample of Sarah Huckabee Sanders’ handwriting exists.

    • medcannabis1

      ouch!

      • Pisto75666

        *grin* thanks, I try.

  • matt rollins

    Is this your homework Larry?

  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    I’m not even fooled by this.

    That letter was written by Donald Trump’s penis. Did Sarah even show the picture? Of Course not! Because it was a dick pic! I mean come on “if you see me you can say hi?” “Everyone calls me Pickle?”

    THAT IS TOTALLY HIS PENIS.

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      Pickles are much harder than his penis.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        Gherkins are bigger, also too.

        • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

          Cornichons

      • medcannabis1

        but a gherkin is the right size for 45!

  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    Reince Priebus is PISSED! Who the fuck does this kid think he is, coming along to suck on Trump’s ass when that JOB IS ALREADY FILLED!

  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    Is our children learning?

  • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

    She still looks like she would absolutely hack your foot off at the ankle for killing off her favorite Harlequin character.

    • davidhollenshead

      Misery ???

  • TootsStansbury

    Don’t the Russians like to eat pickles while they’re doing vodka shots? Pickleska, da?

  • Ducksworthy

    Pickel is 67.

  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    With attention to detail like that, I’m assuming Pickle was also the one responsible for counting how many people came to his inauguration?

  • Komsumverweigerer Ron

    Once again, it’s not that they’re lying but that they’re so incredibly BAD at it.

    • bbayliss

      Americans love and respect a good liar.
      These guys are way out of their league.

  • Maree Martin

    Donald Trump is so used to faking his own press (remember John Miller?) that he decided to write a letter to himself, but he made the mistake of doing it without help. No actual 9 year old would have so many spelling mistakes in a real letter. FAKE NEWS!

  • Elendira

    its really weird how line paper just hides all the folds that a letter that size would require to actually fit into an envelope.

    It must be true what they say about horizontal lines! they hide the weight and the folds!

    • bbayliss

      The tell.

  • H0mer0

    I can imagine he wrote that himself, especially asking him about his big white hose and stating that he “seme[n] nice.”

  • medcannabis1

    I am smoking a pound of weed every month because of all this idiocy..
    When will they be held accountable for their transgressions .
    ” Pickle… another Huckabee cousin” love that home schooling

  • davidhollenshead

    So “Dylan” is another name for the Donald, made clear by the spelling mistakes, grammar mistakes, & illegible handwriting……

    • HogeyeGrex

      It’s John Miller’s middle name.

  • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

    Real or fake, what bearing or relevance does this have in a WH press conference? They have complete control of the federal government and they are still fighting among themselves whether the toilet paper should go over or under. They are assholes who are bad at being assholes.

  • The question is are these those Pickles we like?

  • Pickles

    did somebody say “Pickles”?!?!?!

  • Royal Ugly Dude
  • TJ Barke

    At 9, in 4th grade, my friends and I were racing to see who could finish whichever was the most recent Harry Potter book at the time, first.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      A friend told me I should read them. So I borrowed the first one, finished it at 2 AM Sunday morning, and went straight to 7-11 to buy a copy of “Chamber of Secrets.” I was 37 at the time. Thanks for making me feel REALLY old…:-(

      • TJ Barke

        And that was back in 1999 or early 2000.

  • azeyote

    trump has jim and now dylan comes around when scaramucci starts his love fest – looks like things are going twilight zone –

  • Poly_Ester

    Obviously, the product of one of those superior charter schools the secretary of education talks about all the time.

  • Shirley Temples Dog

    Here’s my 4th grade letter, Detroit style:

    Dear mr fuck-face of a shit for brains small hands grafting, treasonous lying bag of poop. Go fuck yourself.

    Signed,
    The Boy Scouts

    P.S. This got me a merit badge, asshole!

    • SprinklemagicResistancebuns

      Political Activism? Creative Swearing? Advanced Vocabulary Skills?

  • thepoliticalcat

    When my younger boy was 9, he wrote a letter to Reagan, who was President then. He said Dear mr reagan president you are a very old man and you are going to die. please dont have any wars. I don’t want to die, I want to grow old like my daddy.

    We mailed it for the little bastid anyway. “Old like my daddy” indeed. Whippersnapper.

  • RugzYaBurnt

    When I was about eight I wrote a letter to then-President George HW Bush telling him I was concerned about animals, and asking him to create more zoos and game preserves. I included a tortured drawing of a frog. When I got a letter back I was HOLY FUCK SO EXCITED that the President had sent me a picture of himself on the White House porch in his best white Cosby Sweater. Then I read the form letter thanking me for supporting the Gulf War, and I have not cared for a single Republican since.

  • Grokenstein

    Deer Misstr Presidented:
    Kan I hav a biggger alowance?
    Luv U,
    Yur sun Ewik

  • Relativicus

    You’re doing it wrong. You’re supposed to hunt “Pickles” down, identify him and his parents publicly, and screech for 1-2 weeks about how he was made to write that by his parents. Parents who, probably, gave money to… wait for it…

    Hellery Killfoster!!!!!

  • Lyly Sirivong

    So young, and already instrumentalized by the Trump administration…

  • akryan

    Notice there are no creases in the letter and no smudged ink. It was apparently written, put in an envelope, went through the entire postal system (handled by who knows how many people), then got to the president with nary an ink smudge nor fold in the paper. How pathetic is it that they have to write fake fan mail for him?

  • Dylan Pickle… Sanders looked at her lunch and pulled that name out of her brown bag. Up next, another adoring fan letter, this one from little Frankie Furter.

  • mardam422

    Dear miSter Preznint,
    My dadd sez your an asshoole. He is nevver rong.

    Mark

  • mardam422

    Looks like that youth outreach program Mooch started is working, bigly.

  • Also, call me a coastal elitist, but if I or any of my siblings had written anything with such shitty spelling, grammar, and punctuation at the age of nine, my mother would have fed the offender to horseshoe crabs.

    I suspect Donald wrote it himself.

    • Paul

      My Mom would’ve marched straight down to the school and fed the teacher and me BOTH to the crabs

  • Oblios_Cap

    They call him pickle, pickle, pickle.

  • JackLinks

    “My pitcher is in here so if you see me you can say hi.”
    Where’s the so-called “pitcher?”

  • MamaBrown

    Wait, Tommy Pickles wrote to Trump? I would have sworn Stu and Didi were Democrats. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/1ce91613807bd70f774ab67a60cff592938052afb7e9351953c9e691983fa494.jpg

  • Incoming Ham

    No self-respecting child would write that poorly after the age of 3.

    • Rickyphoo

      Wellll… if it is real, (and I am dubious), you have to remember this is most likely the offspring of mentally challenged 36% that still love their Man-child in Chief, so the kid probably is home schooled and perhaps suffering from fetal-meth syndrome..

  • sillyclucker

    Totally Trump’s handwriting.

  • JayGoldenBeach

    Sarah’s eyelashes are a hilarious distraction LoL

    • motocat

      They’re trying to fix her up for the cameras.

  • Professor Fate

    Did Anthony Scaramucci. write this? It seems like his style.

  • RandomNameAllocated

    Are we sure everyone calls him Pickle? looks like Pickie to me…
    9 years old – dear god, I was using a fountain pen by then and the Marion Richardson handwriting technique.

  • in the name of the moon

    random anecdote: my 6 year old niece hates trump with a passion. Even back in the primaries, when my sister wasn’t even paying attention to him, the kid would see him and just go on about how much she hated him. “he talks so loud and his hair is dumb and he’s just annoying.” she told me at a restaurant that had a tv on. No one has any idea where she got it, but the kid is perceptive kiddo, so i know she didn’t “get” it anywhere. She can just tell he’s a douche canoe.

    • AndreWaters20

      My 7yo granddaughter hates Trump too. Her mother has borderline personality disorder and I think she sees the same kind of self-centered, sociopathic behavior and is sickened by him. We don’t talk politics with her at all unless she has questions about things, and even then I try to make it honest, but as non-scary as possible. I never bad-mouth people in front of her, not even Trump, so her opinion is hers alone and she arrived at it in her own way. Being around a borderline has forced her to be advanced in sniffing out that type of crazy, and I think it’s amazing for a 7 year old. Kids can be really clever.

      • in the name of the moon

        That’s interesting. ive thought for my niece it’s partly because he’s a lot like my dad, whom she does. not. like. Kids are smart!

        • AndreWaters20

          Kids who experience abusive environments develop hyper-vigilance, and the ability to spot danger, to an extent. It’s a survival skill.

  • boredcatlady

    awww, so cute, i started clapping when I got to “sorry I had to be so rude”

  • John Miller, John Barron, Dylan….

  • GetABrainMorans

    Is this real life?

    I’m starting to feel like David After Dentist.

  • GetABrainMorans

    I have an 8 year-old. They write better than that. All kids at that point don’t write like morons.

    Then again, the uneducated DO seem to like Trump. So maybe a 9 year-old moron might write like this!

    I’m going to go ahead and say fake though.

    • CafeenMan

      Maybe not a moron but had the bad luck to have right wing, home-schooling parents.

      He can probably take a 9 mm, AR-15 and 50 cal. apart and reassembly them blind-folded in under 60 seconds.

  • Helene Logan

    A 9 year old that writes that badly? Of course he’s a tRump fan.

  • Warning: Not covered under warranty.
    https://i.imgflip.com/1t6by3.jpg

  • CafeenMan

    The White House takes the political opinions of 9 year-olds seriously. But to the Trump Administration, a 9 year-old is a big kid.

  • WeepingAngel

    In mid 2005, my then 6 year old took it upon herself to write a letter to W; it was much neater and all words were properly spelled. She wrote:
    Mr. Bush,
    I’m sorry for voting for you at my school.*
    I don’t think you are very nice.
    You make my mommy upset all the time.

    She signed it, added our address and asked me to mail it to him. She received a response- a letter telling her how important education is and encouraging her to do well in school; they also enclosed an 8×10 photo of W.

    *she said she asked for help with voting and was told to vote for W.

  • gffish

    The explanation for that poorly-written letter by Pickle Boy is that he attends one of those for-profit charter schools that Betsy DeVos likes so much.

  • SeanT1001

    Man, the education level of this country has gone down since I was nine. I, and most of the kids in my 5th – 6th grade class, could handle things like spelling, punctuation, contractions, grammar (I dimly recall learning about implied “You” at the beginning of an imperative sentence…) and all of the things this letter lacks. This was a public school in Kentucky I’m talking about.
    This kid writes like English is his third language (having failed incredibly at the first two). If he’s real, his parents ought to be outraged at the educational system that has obviously failed him, so miserably.
    (Seriously, at nine, I started reading Dante because I thought it was cool.)
    But wait! I just realized something – maybe the kid is real and is writing so Trump can understand him… which may make Pickles a genius, and maybe there’s a hidden code in there – maybe Trump’s Russian contact slipping him instructions…
    Pickles -> Pickled Cabbage -> favorite part of RUSSIAN cuisine. It’s all right there.
    (They didn’t teach conspiracies in the Kentucky educational system; that’s something you learn on the playground.)

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