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Seriously, what are you doing over there?

Once again we find ourselves wondering what the heck Alaska Senator Lisa Murkowski is doing in the Republican Party after all the crap she gets from Republicans. Maybe it’s a tax cut thing we’ll never understand. She was turfed out of the Republican Party primary during the Teabagger Electoral Fuckquake of 2010, losing to a compulsive liar named Joe Miller, and kept her seat by running a write-in campaign, with Miller insisting that no votes for her would count unless the ballots spelled her name letter-perfect. She won again, and didn’t have to worry about Alaskans’ spelling skills in 2016. And last night, she did a little bit of heroism by following through on her vow to vote against a motion to proceed on Trumpcare. No fanfare, no drama, no big speech pretending to be more principled than the rest of the Senate Rs — she just was more principled.

And here was her thanks this morning, from the nominal leader of her party:

That’s actually a badge of honor, there. Trump didn’t similarly yell at Susan Collins because why should he have to look up two women’s names?

So here’s a thank you from a bunch of liberal mommy-bloggers, and an invitation to come over here and sit with us, where we consistently support Planned Parenthood (like you do!) and we appreciate how you lost your shit when your party tried to pretend it had no War On Women.

Maybe you’d rather be yelled at for being too liberal for the Republicans than get yelled at for being too conservative for the Democrats. We guess we can understand that.

Just one thing: Next time there’s a big healthcare vote coming up, could you and Susan Collins please tell Shelley Moore Capito you’ll stuff her into her locker if she doesn’t vote with you? Sometimes a little Mean Girl goes a long way.

Also, too, watch out for this weirdo from Georgia who wants to spank you.

And now, Wonkers, it is your Open Thread!

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  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter
  • memzilla Ω
  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef
    • Beanz&Berryz

      Had anyone ever before heard “snatch a knot…”? I can’t even picture the not sex beads that’s supposed to be.

      • The Wanderer

        I’ve heard of it. Base translation: “Beat them senseless.”

        • Beanz&Berryz

          And I thought I was a bit culturally literate here. Fuck. Not even the same planet. Fucking supposed grown-the-fuck-up men. Wow. Republicans are classy. Every single one of them.

          • BeachBum

            Afeered so.

        • commatoes

          If the result is “senseless” then it appears that Rep. Carter has experienced it multiple times.

          • The Wanderer

            Probably from his uncle dad.

      • Hizzoner

        As I Southern Person, I can say that I have never heard this expression, bless his heart. He is a special kinda fellow, ain’t he?

        • The Wanderer

          I’ve heard it here in Florida.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            But. Well. Can you splain it to a poor ignorunt west coastal?

          • The Wanderer

            Sho’nuff. It’s usually used in the sentence, “I’ll snatch a knot in yo’ ass,” and is a threat of a beating. A variant of it is “I’ll snatch a knot in yo’ haid.”

          • Beanz&Berryz

            Snatch a knot meaning hit with a stick?or leaving a raised bruise? And the in the ass part? Is just propositional ignorance?

          • The Wanderer

            It implies a beating, whether with a stick or a fist. “In the ass” would probably be just as you say, propositional ignorance, or generically referring to the whole body.

          • Vicki Lawrence’s Covfefe

            As a native Tennessean, I definitely have heard this, though I think his use of “ass” is throwing it off for me. It always would have been butt at worse, but more likely heinie.

          • The Wanderer

            Nice to get a handle on the range of the phrase.

          • Vicki Lawrence’s Covfefe

            Really O/T, but something I ran into dialectically the other day: do you know the phrase “sweet milk”?

          • The Wanderer

            No, I don’t. Hmm.

          • Vicki Lawrence’s Covfefe

            I’m starting to wonder how local (maybe familial) it is–it just means regular milk as opposed to buttermilk. Has nothing to do with knots or asses.

          • The Wanderer

            Could be – or condensed milk, which is sweetened.

          • BeachBum

            That’s what I think it is.

          • BrianW

            Actually, I have heard that same expression in east Texas. The meaning was the same: not buttermilk.

          • Vicki Lawrence’s Covfefe

            I verified it with mom–sweet milk = milk. Maybe it’s a TN volunteer moved to TX and keep the meaning thing.

          • BrianW

            Could be. I think a lot of people came to east TX from there.

      • I’ve never heard that one before and was also confused about what type of violence it was supposed to describe.

    • BadKitty904

      “I’m sorry, Representative, I don’t speak Clodhopper.”

      • Scooby

        That’s not a real saying it’s an alternative saying.

      • BeachBum

        Bwahahahaha !1!1

    • BigCSouthside

      I don’t know what that means. Am I a no good coastal elite?

    • The Wanderer

      Mr. Carter gets sodomized by blue tick hounds, so he’d know all about getting a knot in the ass.
      It would be irresponsible not to speculate.

      • Richard Jokes

        I was wondering if anyone would go there.

        Well done.

        • The Wanderer

          The “irresponsible” phrase is a Wonkette classic, and I hadn’t seen it lately.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        It does sounds a bit like the stick-sodomizing rituals of some finer institutions.

        • The Wanderer

          I recall that Mr. Carter’s from Georgia, and they had a guy back in the early 2000s or so who talked about having The Sex with rural farmyard animals. A mule was cited.

      • commatoes

        Homophobes seem to love threatening sodomy for some reason.

        Projection?

        I think Carter and Farenthold are natural “bottoms”.

        • The Wanderer

          Probably. There’s still a market for soap on a rope, methinks.

          • Richard Jokes

            The thought of getting that much soap in there made my buttcheeks cross.

          • The Wanderer

            I award you an upfist for the mental image. Thank you.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Scratch a homophobe, find a closet case.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        His favorite is named Buddy

    • commatoes

      Blake Farenthold and now Buddy Carter, what is with these idiots and challenging female senators with exercising democracy over GOP dogma. Besides Murkowski and Collins would probably make them cry in front of their GOP Rep. buddies.

  • BMW
  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    Security theater update:

    TSA will phase in new requirement that any electronic device larger than a cell phone must be screened separately.

    • BigCSouthside

      Has the TSA ever caught a terrorist?

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        Ted Kennedy?

      • Richard Jokes

        They caught Gorka that one time, but he’s no criminal mastermind.

      • BadKitty904

        I’m not $ure that’$ the T$A’$ real purpo$e.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter
    • whitroth

      They’ve been having you take your laptop out of the bag all along. And cellphones, too.

      But, um, larger than a cellphone – does that mean almost all mobile/stupidphones?

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        iPads, tablets, etc. Until now, you could keep those devices stowed in your bag during screening.

      • Richard Jokes

        Yeah. My massive hamfists require a phablet. I’d use a small cell-enabled tablet if it wasn’t for battery life and how I’d look making calls.

        They’re fonna have to do a lot better with the definition.

    • Notreelyhelping

      “And how”–buzz buzz buzz–“does device work, ma’am?”

      • Msgr_MΩment

        I once had a TSA in Warszaw ask me what this was. I told her it was a machine called a laptop that had been invented a few decades back.

        She was not amused.

    • jesterpunk

      Dont you already have to do that? I know every time I fly my laptop and ipad have to go into separate baskets.

  • whitroth

    I’ll top Dok Zoom: if I run into you (I do live and work in the DC metro area), I’d be happy to buy you a drink.

  • Richard Jokes

    Bloke on CBC:

    “Other politicians have mastered Twitter, [Trudeau]’s mastered Instagram.”

    • commatoes

      So many upvotes for Canada!!!

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    Twinkletoes has possible new gig!
    https://twitter.com/KFILE/status/890316662842548224

  • kouros

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/8a9ab1e4bb2cb58ba0cf633e9967afba7484608812438acf914b78857c56ca2c.jpg

    Statue from Oslo, affectionately named ‘Sinnataggen’ (‘Brat from Hell,’ loosely translated)
    Remind you of anyone?

    • The Wanderer

      I’d say Trump, but the penis is too big.

      • commatoes

        Hand look about right. But the sculptor aced the demeanor.

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      Too mature and dignified to be Donald. I’ll keep thinking and see if I come up with someone.

    • gallbladder

      Chins aren’t large enough. And oh, hands are too big.

  • Me not sure

    If Mukowski and Collins would just declare themselves to be independents and caucus with the Dems like Sanders and King we could tie up Pence’s calender from now on.

    • ken_kukec

      Someone else would have to take over the nutless, obsequious nodding and grinning in the background.

      • Me not sure

        I’ll volunteer to do that if they’ll just come over.

  • Beanz&Berryz

    Republicans in the United States House of Representatives. Wanting to shoot or do ass things to female Senators. Must make all Republicans proud.

  • aceandgary

    Meanwhile here in Alaska, the trumpers are lining up to lick Dan Sullivan’s grundle on social media.

    • The Wanderer

      Upfist for mental image. Also, ew.

  • Carpe Vagenda
    • h4rr4r

      Background?

  • whitroth

    Collins and Murkowski for Independent!

    Hey, Lisa, come to the left side… I’ve got nice dark chocolate here…..

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Also, too, watch out for this weirdo from Georgia who wants to spank you.

    What in the everloving fuck now?

    Rep. Buddy Carter (R-GA), frustrated at the Senate’s pace in their effort to repeal Obamacare, said Wednesday that “somebody needs to go over there into that Senate and snatch a knot in their ass.”

    http://i.imgur.com/Fyw5RLj.gif

    • BadKitty904
    • proudgrampa

      Hmmmm. Tell me more.

    • Anna Rompage

      I’m confused as to what that means…

      “Snatch a knot from their ass”, or “shove a know up their ass”, I get, but “snatch a knot in their ass” makes no sense at all…

      • La forza del resistino

        Sounds like something that is done when the tech can’t extract the colonoscope at the end of the procedure.

    • Maclare 🍹

      Ah, GA, my ol home sweet home…

      sigh

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Why, things at Wonkette are flourishing, but thanks for asking, Jacob!

    https://twitter.com/commiegirl1/status/890225296313536513

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Jacob sound like he’s got some unresolved issues he needs to work on.

    • Blackest Noobs

      jackass wrote that around 7am….seriously? who is this fucking lame?

      • Ricky Gay

        Pickle has really upped his game!

    • CripesAmighty

      Well, evidently, Jacob, you care enough to take the time to compose this note.

    • BigCSouthside

      5 bucks says this motherfucker collects disability and does not see the irony

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Yet another data point that proves our Wonkette is effective!

    • miss_grundy

      He sounds like un comemierda……….

    • TJ Barke

      Someone needs to meet my voteball bat.

    • Lyly Sirivong

      Wow. So your friends and family write 5000 comments everyday ? They’re very productive !

    • commatoes

      Let me exercise my right to free speech:

      It is so obvious that Jacob Ford masturbates to an Ayn Rand poster while fondling a realistic silicone sex doll in the image of Donald J Trump.

  • Shanzgood

    Yay, it’s RAINING! For about five minutes, probably, and then back to oppressive heat PLUS humidity. And still no AC.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Isn’t nice of nature to add just enough water to the hot asphalt to create more steam?

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    Open thread … who’s on twitler watch tonight? It’s sure to be a busy shift …

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      I have to get a 5K speedwork run in. Need to work off my rage somehow. Maybe I’ll check in for the late shift!

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        Early morning right coast time should be fun …

  • Scooby

    It’s an old habit. I spent my whole life trying not to be careless. Women and children can afford to be careless, but not men.

    • The Wanderer

      Vito Corleone?

      • Scooby

        There’s a Godfather quote for everything Trump does.

  • La forza del resistino

    Next up will be Corey Lewandowski to be sicced on Sessions to shake him down for his lunch money on his way to work at the DOJ.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Just a little reminder of why this shit matters:

    https://twitter.com/BryanDawsonUSA/status/890265699817488389

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Let Luke give the appropriate clap-back: https://twitter.com/HamillHimself/status/890305052258189313

      • gallbladder

        BAM!

      • commatoes

        Yeah and Ted Nugent shit himself.

        Our proud supporters of the military!?!

    • Richard Jokes

      http://www.businessinsider.com/kristin-beck-trump-transgender-ban-2017-7

      “A very professional unit with great leadership wouldn’t have a problem,” Beck said. “I can have a Muslim serving right beside Jerry Falwell, and we’re not going to have a problem. It’s a leadership issue, not a transgender issue.”

      • Villago Delenda Est

        That is always what it boils down to. A leadership issue.

      • OneYieldRegular

        BINGO.

    • commatoes

      [mike drop]

    • Steve Cole

      Wonder how this plays at the “horse and cow”?

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • BadKitty904

      Wait ’til the Traitor-in-Chief gets a loada THAT

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        He won’t know about it … you think Fox “News” will air those results? Best to tweet it to him ….

      • TJ Barke

        Fake News! BadKitty! Fake news!

        • BadKitty904

          Doesn’t he just wish?

    • Shoudn’t that be “everything”?

    • Anna Rompage

      Why, there’s more diversity among those 4 in that pic, than among the entire GOP in the Senate…

      • Pinkham’s Law

        Four? I only see 1 3/5 men.

    • Lyly Sirivong

      He’ll dismiss it as fake news.

    • commatoes

      We hold this truth to be self evident or in the original Latin ipsis factis (i’m using plural here because FACTS).

    • georgiaburning

      “Our party won’t kill you” has a certain sort of appeal

    • ltmcdies

      and in the same poll a majority of voters agree water is wet

      • commatoes

        Only if Alex Jones, Mark Levin, Michael Savage, et al. tell them so.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      A little late for that, assholes.

    • Jenny

      That’s the republican game, repeal and hope lighting doesn’t strike twice and democrats can’t pass Obamacare 2.0 on steriods. Which democrats will do because they covered their bases with the less conservative plan already.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      She has either zero integrity or zero influence. Or both. In any event, she has no business being in the WH. It still pisses me off that they’ve given her an office and staff there.

      • gallbladder

        At a minimum, I’d bet on zero fucking brains.

        • BigCSouthside

          She’s architecting a way to calendar some time to empower LGBTQ people through her new foundation “ivanka’s big gay charity (that’s definitely not a slush fund)”

      • Major_Major_Major

        Her daddy has been giving her a staff for many years now.

        • gallbladder

          ZING!

        • Martini Ambassador 🍸

          Oh snap!

        • Msgr_MΩment

          Well, you mean something that looks like a staff, only smaller.

          • Jeffocaster in the West

            more like a toothpick?

          • Jeffocaster in the West

            Or wood the size of a sliver………….

        • Jeffocaster in the West

          minúsculo verga

    • Mr. Blobfish

      She’s saving her political capital for another fight, whatever that means.

      • Resistance Fighter Callyson

        One from which she can churn a profit? Can’t wait to see that one.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        She, like her family, has no capital

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Which is why they’re in hock to the Russian mob.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Have you tried chatting with your daddy, Vank Vank?
      You may need to vote him upside the head with a 2×4.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Clue by four. Which Donald desperately needs.

    • elviouslyqueer

      We ain’t buying it, nor are we buying any of your tacky knockoff Made In Bangladesh bullshit either, hunty.

  • TJ Barke

    I really want to vote the life out of mango hairpiece…

    • BadKitty904

      Say, how’re you feeling, bub? Some better?

      • TJ Barke

        Well, I’m down 2 wisdom teeth. The right side of my mouth is fucking sore, and I’ve gotta do it again for the other 2 in a month.

        • BadKitty904

          Rinse with salt water. Worked for me.

          • TJ Barke

            I got boosted lidocaine gel. Benefits of working for a vet.

          • BadKitty904

            Or that. That would work, too.

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    Gotta run – local Dems meeting at 6. These days, you have to fight for a chair in a pretty big room….

    • La forza del resistino

      As opposed to a GOP meet where you pay extra for early boarding/priority seating and let the riff raff fend for themselves.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      I bring cookies … always guarantees me a seat …

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    In the barrage of news, this hardly got coverage. But it’s kinda big. We have real problems at State. God forbid an international crisis happens.
    https://twitter.com/kylegriffin1/status/890271698418900992

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      This is not going to end well. Embassies and consulates will be at risk, and I would expect some of the employees in those embassies to leave. Security and sanctuary are one of the most important missions …

      This is not fine.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        A generation of career government specialists: ” fuck this shit”

      • commatoes

        Sadly if they don’t undertake your recommendations, your are just someone occupying an office. This seems to be a common theme at most of the agencies.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Is his name Ben Ghazi?

      • gallbladder

        Beat me to it.

    • BadKitty904

      Vlad’s dream is coming true…

    • hendenburg2

      Why does the resignation of a key government official fall under “opinion”?

      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        Weird, but it was explained in the Twitter thread. I guess it has to do with how WaPo classifies stories by this author.

    • Skeptical_thinker

      Benghazi!?!??

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Since we’re kinda on the subject of pickles, I don’t understand pickles. I’m growing them for the first time. More like half-growing them. They’re all freaks. Anyone see this before? https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/6c33f8e95f0bc41958f427a334f5e3db0af23726ffba9268b99dbf15318f4d5f.jpg

    • OutOfOrbit

      those aint pickles, they’z PEOPLE PODS…

      RUN! YOU FOOLS! RUN!!!

    • armed_bears

      Pollination, temperature or water…. it is one (or more) of those three…. (but if hydroponic, check EC and mix).

    • Maclare 🍹

      Actually, those look just like the cucumber pickles that my downstairs neighbor is growing. I also questioned them; he said that’s how these type start out.

      So maybe these grow out like balloon animals?

  • Lyly Sirivong
    • gallbladder

      “Buy American.”
      “Hire American.”
      And in Drumpf’s case,
      “Fire American.” (see: Carrier)

      • commatoes

        I think Dolt 45 is using the classic imperative tense of the verbs. Basically

        “YOU buy American.”
        “YOU hire American.”

        He is excluding himself obviously.

    • Doug Langley

      “I deserve to be on Mount Rushmore!!”

      Okay, if you insist . . .

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nPeH0w6ZXZM

    • Elendira

      Shit. Is that all he wants? Call the National Park Service right now!

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • BadKitty904

      Amen, Parker. Now, fuck off, Gollum.

      • Bobathonic

        Smeagol libelz!

    • TJ Barke

      Because it’s impossible to think about more than one thing at a time or in succession…

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        for republicans, maybe

    • elviouslyqueer

      Dear Julian,

      Shouldn’t your child-molesting, asylum-seeking ass be in jail by now?

      Just curious.

      The entire fucking world

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      “Julian the Asshole” leaps on the bait and does exactly what Trump wants.

      FTFY. Now kindly fuck off.

    • Elendira

      yes, as every smug asshole likes to tell me today, the Transgender issues is merely a distraction from Trump and Republicans limp progress on health care and their political impotence.

      BUT, I am a normal functioning Humans adult and I can do and think several things at the same time and have a memory and brain bigger than a goldfish.

      I can be angry about the Transgender discrimination, the healthcare and the war on women and the war on minorities ALL AT THE SAME TIME.

  • Jgb979

    So weird how she’s the only one singled out and the repeal vote failed 55-45. Hmmm. Can’t imagine what makes her so special.

    Sooooooo…..skinny repeal of the only unpopular things in Obamacare? The party of personal responsibility getting rid of the only things that make one take responsibility for their healthcare? (And make the whole thing work?)

    At this pace he’ll tweet repeal constitutional amendments by January

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Only if they can be written in one constipation session on the throne …

      • Beanz&Berryz

        How long can 140 characters take?

        • Résistance Land Shark Ω

          All the neurons are busy at that time, so …

        • FlownΩver

          If you have to look up “special counsel” and still get it wrong…

  • Maclare 🍹

    Matt Drudge is reportedly ‘starting to get a bit miffed’ with Trump

    http://theweek.com/speedreads/714572/matt-drudge-reportedly-starting-bit-miffed-trump

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      “Drudge smells smoke and maybe sees some fire and he is trying to figure out this: Does he put the fire out? Can the fire be put out? Or does he put himself in the position to pour kerosene on the fire and take advantage of that?” said conservative writer John Ziegler, who worked with Drudge on a talk radio show. “So basically, Drudge is trying to figure out if he is the fireman or the arsonist.”

      World’s smallest violin &etc.

      • clubseal

        If we’re watching Backdraft, can’t he be both?
        Spoiler alert. Or maybe I’m thinking of another movie where a fireman sets fires to keep funding rolling in. My brain is drained.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Apparently, Drudge is way more influential than I ever expected: https://twitter.com/yashar/status/890308089513226243

      • Carpe Vagenda

        wevs. Ron Fournier busted the AP until they would have been posting to protect the tender sensibilities of Drudge fans anyway.

    • Pisto75666

      Miffed! Wow. Give him some time and maybe he’ll manage to be vexed. Or RILED even!

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      Gotta love politics. Do good? No standing ovation. Do evil? No standing ovation. Perpetually can’t make your mind up over which to do? Fucking ticker-tape parades and people the world over lining up to go down on you.

    • Jennifer R

      But she didn’t use her father and grandfather being admirals to get an unfair position in Annapolis, and then use that same nepotism to graduate FROM Annapolis. Then proceed to use the same nepotism to get wings and then IGNORE ORDERS AND GET SHOT DOWN THREE TIMES. Totally ignoring how she never killed a wingman fucking PLAYING IN THE COCKPIT LIKE A GODDAMN TOY.

      Basically fuck John McCain, give the Medal of Honor to that guy who stabbed him in the dick.

    • Elendira

      PSST. She is a women. Tell her to grow a pair and then we will talk.

      and because this is the internet /S

  • Me not sure

    It’s nice to see Buddy Carter (no relation) get some well-deserved ink. As a lifelong southerner, I feel it must be said that when my momma threatened to “snatch a knot in my ass”, I knew that if I didn’t change my ways there would be a large swollen knot where I sat. It ain’t as benign a statement as he would like us to believe.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Buddy’s into S&M, obviously.

      • Me not sure

        Snatch and maul?

    • Carpe Vagenda

      I don’t think he believes that. I think a not-insignificant number of women voted for Trump because they’ve been trained for years to do what abusive men tell them to so they don’t get hurt, and all the abuse of powerful women is absolutely designed to frighten them.

      • Augustus

        There’s no doubt about it.

      • Claire

        And it’s beaten into them that if one woman rocks the boat, every other woman will get punished for something they didn’t even do. Sort of like the human traffickers on TV.

  • Jeffocaster in the West

    Lookit Refucklicans, you have NO BALLS. YOU VOTED TO REPEAL A MILLION TIMES. JUST REPEAL THE BILL YOU LIVER LILLY WEAK ASS SHIT FACED FUCKNOSES!!!!!!
    FUCK YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • OutOfOrbit

      “Fucknose”?! new werd for me : )

      • commatoes

        Don’t knock nasal sex until you’ve tried it.

        Donald J Trump

        Direct quote from the interwebz.

        • OutOfOrbit

          heard that a protuding probuscous can…be fun in a lady’s garden

  • hendenburg2

    You know, the thing about the dark side is that they constantly promise cookies.

    What they don’t tell you until after you fall to the dark side is that they are oatmeal raisin.

    • Jeffocaster in the West

      Not Oreo Chocolate Mint Thins, the ones that the dark side gets you addicted to?

      • Doug Langley

        “The first one’s free, kid.”

      • Elendira

        According to Jeff Sessions, Oreo Chocolate Mint Thins are the gateway cookies to the more hard core cookies

    • OutOfOrbit

      aww! I <3 oatmeal raisin cookies!

    • wait! what?

      Sounds like internet cookies.

    • Elendira

      Why do you think Anakin yelled, “NOOOOOOOOOOOO!” at the end of Revenge of the Sith?

      His wife dead by his own hands?

      NO! Get that weak shit outta here!

      Fucking Oatmeal cookies with Raisins!

    • Amelia Resists and Persists

      *would prefer oatmeal raisin to chocolate chip*

      Oops?

      • Claire

        Oatmeal raisin cookies are damn tasty and I will brook no libel of them.

    • commatoes

      Desiccated fruit libelz!!!!!!1!!!1!!!1!!!!

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    Another for the “milk of human kindness file”

    Fargo woman “apologizes”* for anti-Muslim rant where she says “We’re gonna kill all of ya’. Kill every one of you fucking Muslims.”

    * Apologizes, but also claims she was provoked by the women who recorded her

    • clubseal

      Can you milk a human kindness? Does human kindness have teats, Greg?

    • Elendira

      Provoked = muslim woman actually exists and didn’t try to conform to white norms

    • Carpe Vagenda

      “I wanted everyone to see what happens to us every day,” Sarah Hassan told the Forum. “I was so scared.”

      Understandably so, though we would pose a question to Amber Hensley: Who the hell you calling a “we”?

      I was wondering that myself.

    • Claire

      This gross freak of nature. Who would want any part of a country where she counts as a “real American” but Neil DeGrasse Tyson doesn’t?

    • commatoes

      My measure of truthfulness and integrity, contrition should precede possible punishment.

      She fails.

  • Skeptical_thinker

    Seen in the park today: A pretty young muslin woman in a hijab, walking two large, off leash, bewbies. She had them covered, modestly with a thin cotton blouse.

    I am a dirty old.

    • OutOfOrbit

      “bewbies”! 2 new werds in 1 day!

  • Rick Hill

    I wonder how many times”…and the horse you rode in on!” have been spoken in the halls of our government buildings this year?

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    Trumpism may be doing what Democrats, liberals, and progressives have never been able to achieve…destroying the Republican party.

    • BadKitty904

      But not fast enough.

    • Rick Hill

      Yeah but they’re taking all of us with them.

    • OutOfOrbit

      that would be nice

    • commatoes

      Joining the rest of the world and adopting a single payer system?
      Adopting a rational climate change/energy policy?
      Etc.

      It is similar to, “Who knew [insert a fact/concept known to almost everyone] was this complicated?

  • tehbaddr

    I wonder if “snatch a knot in their ass” is biblical, and therefore correct for this cuntry.

    • bluicebank

      Never heard that phrase before. Taken literally, it sounds like a Robert Mapplethorpe photo.

    • Lambsendbeds

      ISWYDT!

    • Msgr_MΩment

      If snatching a knot in their ass is wrong…..

  • Mr. Blobfish

    It’s Shark Week on Discovery Channel. I can (and do) watch that all day.

    • Lambsendbeds

      Ooh – thanks for the heads up ! I lurve me some Shark Week.

    • PubOption

      Does that mean another ‘Sharknado’ movie is coming?

  • Mary Theresa

    “Teabagger Electoral Fuckquake of 2010”
    FTW!

    • BadKitty904

      I still have my “I Survived the…” t-shirt.

  • Rick Hill

    Happy, happy. Joy, joy! No, wait…
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p99YH4cRmvQ

    • Trip Space-Parasite

      Oh man, I was hoping to never encounter that again.

      I’ll just be over here in the corner crying.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    I clicked the link in the vain hope that this was a joke. No, quite serious:

    https://twitter.com/Brasilmagic/status/890325874440011782

  • Nounverb911

    Welllll, there’s this. Does Foxconn intend to import the slave laborers to fix the mistakes the American workers make*?

    *Provided they can find enough American workers to pass the drug test.

    https://twitter.com/WhiteHouse/status/890328076474830848

    • BadKitty904

      They’re surprisingly well-named.

    • ltmcdies

      ” FOXCONN” to fucking easy, man

    • mancityRed6

      oh, look, there’s even a wiki page about them…er, kinda
      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Foxconn_suicides
      “One expert claimed that employees were treated comparatively well at Foxconn. Boy Lüthje, of Germany’s Institute of Social Research, told the Economist that the company pays a minimum monthly wage of 900 yuan (US$130) as well as providing free recreational facilities, food, and lodging for employees at some of its factory complexes. Overtime, however, may be routinely demanded.”
      huh. no rent, free food…why would that be bad? oh, right. the 16 hour workdays.

      just to show you how much that Boy is useless, let’s see what China had to say:
      “The 2010 suicides prompted 20 Chinese universities to compile an 83-page report on Foxconn, which they described as a “labor camp.” Interviews of 1,800 Foxconn workers at 12 factories found evidence of illegal overtime and failure to report accidents. The report also criticized Foxconn’s management style, which it called inhumane and abusive.[3][3] Additionally, long working hours,[39] discrimination of mainland Chinese workers by their Taiwanese coworkers,[42] and a lack of working relationships[43] were all presented as potential problems in the university report.”

      yeah.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        yeah, i remember that. People hated it so much and deservedly so, they were throwing htemselves off the roof. I think they eventually put up a “suicide net”.

        • mancityRed6

          freakin China said they were a labor camp. were they just jealous?

        • Richard Jokes

          It was a three or four story complex with open walkways and every floor above first had to be ringed in nets.

      • Ryan Denniston

        But cmon, they invested in suicide nets!

        • mancityRed6

          I wonder which third world country they bought them from? or was it prison labor?

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      how exactly does using a chinese manufacturer create thousands of american jobs?

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    People from all over the internets have been leaving cookies in my computer but how do I get them out?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      The cup holder? You have to pull on it really, really hard…

    • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

      Pour coffee in the vent holes on one side, they’ll dissolve and run out the other side.
      Unplug it first…

    • bluicebank

      If you’re running FireFox, they have an add-on for that. Great for visiting quasi paywalls because their cookies die after closing browser.

      • Richard Jokes

        I just learned when to stop the page loading. Still feel bad for mooching but I cannot even afford my Wonkette tithes.

    • Doug Langley

      Coax them out with a glass of milk.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Explosives.

  • ltmcdies

    OT….Canada being a bit smug….sorry guys..

    https://twitter.com/CanadianForces/status/890288099573600256

    • Nounverb911

      OH! Canada!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      They can be as smug as they want.

      This country has earned it.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Ya. But where was Canada on D-Day when it counted?

      • armed_bears

        Juno Beach

        • House0fTheBlueLights

          Not getting slaughtered because their command didn’t completely fuck up the landing.

        • armed_bears

          And for God’s sakes, don’t piss the Canucks off now. It didn’t go so well for us last time.

          • ltmcdies

            would you like your White House baked, broiled or flame broiled….

          • armed_bears

            Oh fine…. throw THAT in our face…. But hear me: We will never, NEVER, bow down or recognize your ungodly bacon.

          • ltmcdies

            How about metric…

      • jaspersdad

        D-Day? Canada declared war on Germany 4 days after GB did.

        • Beanz&Berryz

          And they were on Juno Beach on D-Day

      • Elendira

        Canadian Paratroopers were behind enemy lines at “Juno” helping the Allies secure their landing point. And Also part of the Armada brining the troops and war materiel to the beaches

        • Beanz&Berryz

          Exactly.

        • Beanz&Berryz

          I sometimes do a reverse comment to make my point.

        • Richard Jokes

          We also took Juno, and more. Not to disagree just wanted to be clear it wasn’t any support role BS.

      • Richard Jokes

        Ahead of their projected positions, when every single other beach head was far behind.

      • shastakoala

        They weren’t making photo bombs that day I can tell you.

      • ltmcdies

        Juno Beach, hon… some of the first off the boats and some of the first off the beached

    • mancityRed6

      but will it get me a citizenship?

      • jaspersdad

        There is a fast track program for those with skills. I read recently of a couple from NC? recently who are moving to Halifax 7 months after applying.

    • Elendira

      Ugh. Smug uppity Canadians! Just they don’t have a shit weasel for a leader

      • Richard Jokes

        Any longer.

    • OneYieldRegular

      and Trump pulls this bigoted shit mere weeks after seeing representatives from all of France’s armed forces do this:

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HmvrKx9DH3c

    • natoslug

      It’s summertime — why are they dressed in their blizzard camo?

      • ltmcdies

        Admission that historically we can get blizzards in some bits of Canuckistan anytime

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Heading out the door on this positive note–love to these peeps:

    https://twitter.com/NYCLU/status/890318010719887361

  • Jennifer R
    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      Did he completely miss the entire point of the show? Like, how do you even do that? THIS WAS YOUR WHOLE CAREER YOU MORON.

      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        He honestly might have. He doesn’t seem like the brightest bulb. I expect a bit of intelligence along with the obviously necessary talent to play a role with nuance, and he is clearly incapable.

        But man, shitting on your fans for a few political points, rookie move, man.

        • Jennifer R

          A friend of mine worked at the Grove Park Inn in Asheville NC, one of those Historic Building things rich people go to. He pitched a fit and tried to get her fired for her putting out his cigar when he tried to light up over the antique rugs in a no smoking common room.

          • Martini Ambassador 🍸

            I’m not surprised by the revelation he’s an egocentric asshole either. Seems very Republican, trying to get “the little guy” fired for not allowing your royal highness to do whatever you want.

          • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

            Last year while I was at DragonCon, Garrett Wang talked about the first time he met Shatner. It was at some con in Oklahoma shortly after “Star Trek: Voyager” premiered, so it was one of Wang’s first cons as a featured guest. Shatner was one of the other guests, and Wang was extremely nervous about meeting him. Apparently, Shatner either didn’t know who he was or assumed he was convention staff and treated him extremely brusquely.
            The next day, after someone pointed out that “Yes, that gentleman is one of the cast of the new Star Trek series.”, Shatner was all smiles and sunshine.

          • AJ Milne

            Y’know, over the years I’ve heard so _much_ smoke about how bloody difficult the guy was to work with, what an egotist, and so on. Takei, Nimoy, the run-ins, they do seem to have abounded, verily. Tales of drama over Nimoy getting more fan mail, having a photographer on set, the infamous eye light demands…

            … and I’m really _not_ much for celebrity gossip followage, hardly the kind might go to cons or anything. So, y’know, _me_ hearing all this, that’s a bit like a 30-tonne concrete pillar falling over, thereby indicating you _may_ have just had a wee bit of an earthquake.

            So: _so_ don’t ever wanna meet Shatner. Really get the picture for all his (clears throat) nuanced thespianage, he’s a bit of a dick. (Oh, and yes: Canadians can, absolutely, be dicks. I know, I know, it’s shocking. We try to send those ones to LA. Sometimes works out. Sometimes, they get into right wing politics.)

            Also: there’s like _decades_ of ink on Roddenberry’s vision being, in essence, socially progressive, ahead of its time, so on. Including from some of the actual _writers_ who worked under him. Sure, the show does show its age in more than a few things. But who are you gonna believe? Mr. For Hire Scenery Chewer or the people who _created_ the damned thing?

          • Richard Jokes

            He’s kind of a real life stereotype of the stuck up Shakespearean.

          • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

            Well, this is the guy who decided after they killed Kirk off in Generations he would start a vanity project work on a series of novels where Kirk isn’t really dead.
            Suffice to say, despite the fact that Garfield and Judith Reeves-Stevens were the ones who wrote them, they are some of the most indulgent published fanfic I have ever seen.

          • Doug Langley

            Speaking of Nimoy, interesting story in “Star Trek Creator” which is the authorized bio of Roddenberry. Seems that shortly after Nimoy was hired, he started giving tons of demands to production – more money, better dressing room, directing episodes, etc. After the formal “we’ll see about it”, he then threatened to walk off the set if they didn’t comply. Producers went scrambling to find a replacement while Roddenberry shot off a memo to the prez of Screen Actors Guild and asked him to “explain the facts of life to Mr Nimoy”. Things settled down after that.

            It’s not conjecture or hazy memories. The author went straight off physical memos that still existed. It’s in black and white.

          • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

            I remember reading in one of Nimoy’s biographies (maybe I Am Spock?) that he admitted he was a bit of a prat when he first got the gig and succumbed to a swelled head.

          • Doug Langley

            The author also got some dirt on David Gerrold. He found written notes by Robert Heinlein who considered “Trouble With Tribbles” to be plagiarism, but didn’t have the energy to sue.

          • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

            Paul Schneider, who wrote “Balance of Terror”, said that he told Harlan Ellison that he made an adaptation of “The Enemy Below” for Star Trek. Schneider says after he said that, Ellison refused to speak to him again.

          • Doug Langley

            I’d be very happy to have Harlan Ellison never speak to me.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Yup. This is not surprising. About half the stories I heard a cons back when I was a regular attendee were about how he was a dick to con staff or fans.

      • Lambsendbeds

        I went to many cons, and saw Shatner a number of times. He seemed to be reveling in the adulation and he was incredibly gracious and having a great time. I saw him appearing with Leonard Nimoy twice, and they both seemed to have embraced their characters and the fandom. I don’t know how he was with the con staff, but he was great with the fans when I saw him.

        • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

          Oh, don’t get me wrong. On stage, he’s great. I’ve seen him multiple times, and he loves being up there and he’s fun to watch.
          The one-on-one interactions though are a crapshoot as to what you’re going to get.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      He’s getting up there, like Donald. Not sure all the tribbles are in the hutch anymore.

    • Richard Jokes

      This is the guy who always felt like Star Trek was beneath him, and that he’d been robbed of his chance to be the King of Strathford Festival.

    • Well, there are a few Canadians us Canadians wish were not Canadians but still have to sorrily accept as Canadians…Asshole-Canadians, as it were.

      Sorry, but Shatner is an ass.

  • Lyly Sirivong

    Oh hell, no. Just no.

    King Cobras In A Can: Deadly Snakes Arrive In U.S., Shipped As Potato Chips

    http://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2017/07/26/539527361/king-cobras-in-a-can-deadly-snakes-arrive-in-u-s-shipped-as-potato-chips

    Suspicious that a package shipped from Hong Kong might contain smuggled animals, U.S. agents who opened the package found three live king cobra snakes hidden in potato chip cans. The man who was to receive the package outside Los Angeles has been arrested on federal charges.

    • BadKitty904

      So, chips are even more unhealthy than advertised.

      • Doug Langley

        And here I thought it was the trans-fat that killed you.

        • BadKitty904

          Or the salt. Who knew it was the neurotoxins?

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Try the Olestra….

    • Raan

      I assume after the port of LA, they were going to be shipped via the Nope Train to Fuckthatville.

    • mancityRed6

      once you pop, they won’t stop?

    • Lambsendbeds

      Bastards. Do you know how many smuggled animals die when shipped like that? Not to mention that the article says that LA Wildlife doesn’t know what to do with the cobras. LA Zoo won’t take them because they don’t have any anti-venom in house, in case a Zoo employee is bitten. Whoever is keeping them now is at risk as the nearest anti-venom is at the San Diego Zoo, and no one bitten would survive long enough to get them there, or get the anti-venom to them. The jerk who was receiving them was probably selling them to a collector, who I’m sure doesn’t have a source of anti-venom either. I’m not bothered if some asshole who wants to smuggle king cobras to add to their collection gets bitten, but I’m afraid those cobras will be destroyed because no one can house them properly.

      • redarmyzombie

        Actually, he was planning on giving some to a cousin…not like that’s any better…

    • Claire

      The poor cobras, though, geez. Especially king cobras, because those motherfuckers are huge and require a badass of Rikki-Tikki-Tavi’s class to bring them down. Whoever smuggled them should have been shut up into a small room with them for a few hours.

    • natoslug

      Double win for me! I’m neither a fan of canned chips, nor of being bitten in the face by a King Cobra!

  • Raan

    Related to the two repeal votes:
    https://youtu.be/3PDY7qtTsVw

    Unrelated: Have you ever watched something tumble slowly off a shelf (or pantry, or cabinet) and just stood there thinking “Fuck it, I’ll deal with it later.”?

    • Christopher Story

      The American government

      • Raan

        Yeah, except no one’s gonna die of leukemia if I don’t pick up that spatula.

        • FlownΩver

          You’re gonna feel pretty bad when The Lancet publishes an article entitled”Notes on Remotely Induced Spatuloid Leukemias.”

    • Lambsendbeds

      Sounds like my whole fucking life.

    • natoslug

      I have the knees of a man 6 times my age. My whole life is “fuck it, I’ll deal with it later” when it comes to picking things off the floor. If it’s edible, that’s what dogs are for. If it’s not edible, that’s what the kids are for. The wife, of course, is there to remind me that my knees aren’t really that bad, and if I ever plan on getting laid again, I’d damn well better pick that up.

    • Three Finger Salute

      “Fuck it, we’ll do it live”?

  • bluicebank

    Good day today, what with Trumpcare dying the death of a thousand cuts … AND a MIRACLE on my beleaguered VW Bug: *Required* part not coming in for a few days, so I’m jacked up, with the center tie rod not attached to *required* idler arm bracket.

    So I think on it, double check how them bones are connected to them other bones, and reason: I don’t actually need no stinking part to tool around town. I pop on the tire, slowly drive out, 5mph, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30, 35, 40mph. NO SHIMMY. I’ve been HEALED, thank you Jesus! (Not really, still need to put in the new part, but dang I’ve never seen a car drive better after taking a part off, it’s freaking miracle I tell ya, lol).

    • Anna Rompage

      Easy there my friend, while a car will run without an idler arm, I believe they are an important piece that helps take some of the load off of the steering linkage… Without it, you increase the load on the steering linkage & steering box, and you certainly don;t want those components to fail while in motion..

      • natoslug

        Eh, at that point, you let Jesus take the wheel. At least, that’s what country music tells me.

    • OutOfOrbit

      Are you CERTAIN that part is not required? I recalls a robot sitting under a tree pondering its navel. Calculating that it served no purpose, it unscrewed & removed the nut…all’s well, nothing happened. So the robot stood up and…it fell to pieces.

    • bluicebank

      I know, guys. I’m just saying I can drive it carefully for short distance until part arrives … still I’m claiming a miracle. ;-)

      • Anna Rompage

        That is until the joint on your center tie rod pops apart and you lose your steering….

  • Nounverb911
    • FlownΩver

      Our “president’s” awfully crass
      His lies have reached critical mass
      But sooner or later
      A large spiked vibrator
      Will…

      [Need I finish? it’s a common sentiment.]

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos
  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef
    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      ye gods this fuckin’ guy. I guarantee you every pair of eyeballs in the room rolled when he said that.

    • Nounverb911

      Good luck finding drug free workers.

      • Give him a break! J Kush is working hard on solving that opioid crisis.

        • Msgr_MΩment

          I got a dimebag of J Kush once. Tasted of paraquat.

      • puredog

        Me! Me! I’ll work for free drugs!
        Wait. . . .

        • Rasilom

          I used to work for a guy that told gis new hires. “We have a random drug testing policy here. We randomly test one new drug every day.” He would smoke us all out regularly. Made sanding and finish work so much better.

    • Richard Jokes

      Just a reminder, this is the company that had to install anti-suicide nets in it’s slave factories. Soooo glad to have them on this continent. :|

      • CripesAmighty

        THIS^^^^

      • Up In Smoke O’hontas

        I feel ambivalent about this, but then I live among Wisconsinites.

  • Doug Langley

    Okay. Had the phone interview. I was cheerful, upbeat, gave direct answers, very polite. She tells me that she will check with the hiring manager and if they want me come for face-to-face will let me know late this week or early next week. IF. They will narrow it down to 3 or 5 finalists. GAWD, when does the waiting ever end???

    Still heard NOTHING from the interview last week OR if the other place even wants an interview at all. This can’t be legal, can it?

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      it’s torture, innit?

      I sent an email on Monday following up on my interview last monday. The lawyer had told me he had till Friday to make a decision.

      Its’ Wed and I have heard nothing. Meanwhile, my other app for the dream job has been “under review” for almost 2 whole months.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      I seriously believe that HR departments make up fake jobs for people to interview for so it looks like they’re busy.

      • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

        Years ago I heard an anecdote (can’t swear it’s true) about a company that perpetually posted an office job. Part of the interview was a practical test: typing up some paperwork. They never hired anyone, but they got their paperwork typed for free. (And if someone did a bad job? Just have the next “applicant” redo it.)

      • puredog

        I concur, except I think it’s fake interviews for real jobs.

    • Bitter Scribe

      For my last rejection, I got strung along for two months, during which time I had to 1) go through two interviews, 2) write 500 words about a topic related to the industry I would have covered and 3) prepare and deliver a 15-minute PowerPoint presentation on that topic. Despite never having used PowerPoint or having it on my computer. (Luckily it’s pretty intuitive, plus the library had PowerPoint for Dummies.)

      God damn it. I can take rejection, but why does it have to come with being jerked around so much?

    • OutOfOrbit

      Potential employers who treat potential hires like this prolly terrible to work for.

  • Nounverb911
    • Bet you those pesky regulations of labeling where goods came from, gets tossed in a liberty enhancing legislation soon.

    • gallbladder

      Clothes made in China for a Made-In-America failure.

    • Khavrinen

      Hypocrisy from the Trump family?!?

      I’m SOOOOO shocked!

  • Ryan Denniston

    If we agree that anyone referring to TrumpCare as ObamaCare is subject to 20 years in prison and $1 million in fines (like those who express support for boycotting Israel), can we keep our fucking health care?

    • mancityRed6

      I don’t care what they call it, so long as they just fucking fix what we have now.

      • Khavrinen

        They’re going to fix it. Of course, they’re planning on using the definition of “fix” that refers to taking your dog to the vet…

    • Paperless Tiger

      And Trump is supposed to be a genius at re-branding. Fail.

      • mancityRed6

        the “deal maker”

  • BadKitty904
    • Lambsendbeds

      Cream and white bicolor Persian kitteh! Gorgeous!

  • Nounverb911

    Is she flying there on Delta or her broom?
    https://twitter.com/anntensity/status/890262410640183297

    • BadKitty904

      “fans”?

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        91 of them, evidently.

        • BadKitty904

          Dozens! DOZENS, I say!!1!

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Now we know where to send the rotten tomatoes …

    • Carpe Vagenda
    • natoslug

      That’s a long pier. Here’s hoping she takes an even longer walk.

    • Turning Point? Sounds like another of the hundreds of ‘clinics’ in Orange County one has their insurance company pay for them to stay and quit the benzos and cocaine for a few weeks

    • CindyinEncinitas

      You really gotta wonder about the inspiration for putting a pier in the ad for Ann Coulter and a turning point? Like, it would be a great turning point for the rest of us if Ann could heed the call of the sea that beckons just beyond the end of that pier there. Which, by the way, isn’t the real Newport Pier. Just sayin.

  • ken_kukec

    Republicans who did not learn from Jim Jeffords are doomed to repeat him.

  • Three Finger Salute

    News from the “you are now free to lose faith in humanity” department:

    Hateful morons at Daily Fail reacting to this week’s Rolling Stone cover story have been showing off the #1 reason they despise Justin Trudeau. (Hint: They’re convinced Trump would ban him from serving in the military.)

    I do NOT want that wimp as my presidenf. Trump is an alpha male. Truwimp is a beta.

    Anyone who wants that little faerie for president can promptly move to Canada; problem solved.

    We are so lucky to have Pres. Trump. Canada can keep their pansie.

    Trudeau is a pvssy and a sleazeball.

    What an effete looking girly man. No thanks

    Put him in a dress and a pretty pink bonnet and you’d never know he was a guy. I can’t get over how many women like guys that look like girls these days.

    Jesus wept.

    http://wallsdesk.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/Facepalm-2541.png

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      yeah, except apparently Trudeau is fitter, stronger, and more likely to kick the asses of any one of these dudes.

      • yyyaz

        All of them at once, Katie.

      • mancityRed6

        without a fucking doubt.

      • Richard Jokes

        Yes yes yes. Makes me snerk when yokels don’t realize he’s in great physical condition and a competent boxer.

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          i was trying to remember if he boxed or did martial arts…I remember that photo of him in a boxing pose.

          • Three Finger Salute

            I think it was regular boxing. At least that’s what he did when he shocked Harper’s Hatemongers who also thought he was a “sissy.”

          • Richard Jokes

            I had to check, but yes boxing. Also I learned:

            Is priviledged white guy, has a Haida Raven tattoo.

            Tattoo was designed for him after being adopted as an honourary member of a Haida community.

            I can’t articulate why I love this so much I just do.

      • Ryan Denniston

        Trudeau does not lead from behind. In his golf cart.

        • AnnieGetYerFun

          He can lead me from behind. Or wherever.

      • Three Finger Salute

        What bothers me is that we still do have such a culture of toxic testosterone that it even matters. We shouldn’t have a society where it’s laudable that he could kick anyone’s ass. Trudeau far outcompetes Trump in the intellect Olympics and certainly wins on the the compassion and kindness front. But that in and of itself makes him a “squishy nerd” (as another moron wrote) and therefore Trump is somehow “better” for being an asshole?

        • The Green Bastard

          The toxic shits are freaking out as it becomes more acceptable among the masses for folks to be who they are all along the spectrum of sexuality & identity. So hard to know who to bully!

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        These guys have clearly not seen Trudeau shirtless.

        Not that I have, either! I have not downloaded any photos of a shirtless Trudeau to my phone and subsequently told people that he was my husband. That has not happened.

    • roberteye

      Psycho trolls don’t make me lose faith in humanity.

      • Three Finger Salute

        These people vote.

        • Christopher Story

          So do we. And by 3,000,000 more.

    • mancityRed6

      I’m thinking the only Brit comment there is the guy who spelled it “faierie”

    • TJ Barke

      Christ, what fucking simpletons. Trump’s an alpha male that literally anyone could beat the shit out of with one arm behind their back even when he was in his prime.

      • Claire

        And Trudeau, who beat the crap out of a Conservative politician in a charity boxing match, also pwned Trump on the handshake battlefield.

        They have very strange ideas of masculinity. None of them seem to involve looking like men and not overcompensating little boys in Underoos.

        • TJ Barke

          Being an asshole is apparently all they think strength and masculinity are.

          • Claire

            One of these days someone needs to write an article about how the backstops of traditional masculinity – not letting anyone “boss” you around, being the authority on all subjects, talking over everyone, Truck Nuts, posing for Facebook pictures with stupidly large guns, driving huge jacked-up pickup trucks, generally being an asshole – are increasingly things that keep men OUT of the workforce and open them up to ridicule.

            I have many thoughts on this topic, which involve rolling coal on one hand and Patrick Bateman on the other. In short, though, I think a lot of men relying on outdated ideas of masculinity are shooting themselves in the foot, losing status, and then doubling down on losing strategies to regain it.

        • Three Finger Salute

          None of them involve being intelligent and compassionate either. Their idea of a real man is a knuckle-dragging, violent bully. They think JT is a closet case because he doesn’t give a right hook to Sophie.

      • redarmyzombie

        My dead grandmother could beat the shit out of Donald Trump…

      • CindyinEncinitas

        The Snuggle bear could beat the shit out of Trump.

        • Three Finger Salute

          I’m picturing a Trump version of that Leonardo DiCaprio movie where he gets mauled by a she-bear in heat. Except, it’s the Snuggle Bear. Or a Care Bear in the woods of Vancouver, who is tired of all his and the deplorables’ Canada-bashing crap. He can have a little picture of boxing gloves on his belly.

    • Christopher Story

      “women like guys that look like girls these days”
      That would explain the manbun.

    • Christopher Story

      Donald Trump is the weak man’s version of a strong man. All noise, no heavy lifting.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BfWpJ1s7id0
      UPDATE: “I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of panties suddenly flew off their owners in terror,…”

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Matt Taibbi is probably injecting crank with a turkey baster as we speak.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Oh, they’re just pissed because Trump cratered when he tried to boff Trudeau’s mom, and Trump’s daughter gazes at Trudeau with the starry eyes of might have been.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Yeah, that bullshit Ezra Levant story about Trump being such a morally upstanding citizen that he rejected Maggie’s alleged advances is more disinfo from another sycophant (and a very disturbed one at that).

        We already know he lied about Carla Bruni trying to seduce him, that he stalked Princess Diana, and that he even came on to Salma Hayek while she was having dinner with her fiancee and when he was already married to Melania!. (This from an interview with Trevor Noah recently.)

        I have zero doubts he’s the one who got rebuffed by Maggie, and then tried to paint it as “she’s a 6” or “she’s trashy” or some other crap when he was bragging about it in his stupid ghostwritten memoir. She must have told him to fuddle duddle right off. Maggie also told Huffpost in October that he really needs some serious professional help and that it will negatively impact the country, the world, his family, and even Trump himself if he doesn’t. Nevertheless, he resisted.

        Well, to paraphrase that other well-known endearing mom, Jivin’ June Cleaver, “Donald Chump don’t want the help, Donald Chump don’t get the help. Assmouth dude ain’t got no brains anyhow.” What I wouldn’t give to see Justin, Sacha, Will and Harry dogpile on him with diplomatic votes in some dark alleyway in Edinburgh. “This is for mom, you piece of shit!”

    • bbayliss

      I went to breitbart today and agreed with a fellow that “the lizard people are everywhere” and that Sarah Palin should have a role in the fight against the deep state, suggesting that she might be “‘secretary of communication’, because she’s a real journalist who wouldn’t make up fake news”.
      My comments were well received.

  • mancityRed6

    ok, so sales are down. literally several people short and that just in the machine shop. the old boss has new duties so the old shift manager, floor manager? is now the new boss. it’s gonna take him a while to get things going. like how the schedule for this week came out on Monday.
    or how I had to remind him on Thursday and Friday I had Tuesday off, so not coming in on Monday.
    apparently he was bitching about where I was on Tuesday morning. and he asked if I wanted to work this Saturday. I said, “for straight time, no.” he actually started to tell me it would be OT, and then remembered I had used vacation so no, it wouldn’t.
    this is the least of my complaints.

  • Joe Beese

    If these are the only comments we have, I’m going to call it a day.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸
      • armed_bears

        Evolution. It’s not just a good idea. It’s the law.

        • Martini Ambassador 🍸

          Well, to be honest, it’s satire. But I was trying my best to entice Joe into sticking around, and who doesn’t love a good meth fart story?

          • armed_bears

            Oh, satire! Oh, no, we don’t get that here. See, uh, people ski topless here while smoking dope, so satire’s not really a high priority

      • Msgr_MΩment

        “All right, the second law of Meth Club?
        “Class?
        “Class?”

        • Raan

          “Constantly blast Crystal Blue Persuasion by Tommy James and the Shondells?”

      • Jamoche

        OK, Florida, drop your mike – you’ll never get a more perfect Florida Man story than that.

      • yyyaz

        Kid Rock 4 Preznit and Kid Rock must both be pissed to have to find a new supplier.

    • Doug Langley

      You have to go with the non-comments you have, not the non-comments you want to have.

  • Actually, no. She votes with Drumpf 88.6% of the time.

    https://projects.fivethirtyeight.com/congress-trump-score/

    And she’ll soon vote for the skinny repeal bill. She can choke in her own vomit.

  • Christopher Story

    Donald Trump is a cult leader who would make all his followers drink the Kool-Aide to prove their loyalty, while he didn’t, then complain to the press how stupid they were for drinking the Kool-Aide.

    • AyeDiosDrinko

      It was actually Flavor-Ade or some other off brand.

      • roberteye

        Yes Flavor Aid. A cheap fucking psychotic demagogue. Like getting RC instead of Coke. COME ON.

        • AyeDiosDrinko

          And quite a many were forcibly injected.

        • Khavrinen

          Too cheap to spring for the real stuff, even knowing he would soon have no further use for money…

    • CountryClubJihadi

      They are really drinking orange flavored colonoscopy prep.

      • Christopher Story

        Wow. I had the cherry stuff once and it was… unpleasant.

    • Raan

      So, like if Jim Jones hadn’t chickened out and shot himself instead?

      By the way, Babydick Von Spraytan, [REDACTED PER COMMENTING GUIDELINES]

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    Sperm counts of Western men plummeting, analysis finds

    I’ve never seen one count past eleven.

    I’ll be here all evening folks, try the oysters and tip your seamen.

    http://www.cnn.com/2017/07/25/health/sperm-counts-declining-study/index.html

    • Claire

      “The extent of the decline is a heartache,” said Levine. “It’s hard to believe — it’s hard to believe for me.”

      Bro, I believe you are overly invested in sperm.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Don’t even get me started on the inability of today’s sperm to do simple calculus.

    • mancityRed6

      21 if I take my shoes off

      • OutOfOrbit

        icwydt

    • Ryan Denniston

      I thought waitresses got the tip?

    • natoslug

      As a Western man, I do not see a problem with this. I’ve more than enough children already, thank you very much. And if it’s an issue for you, maybe take it up with those wasteful bukkake artists. They treat that stuff like there’s no end in sight. Well, except maybe the end they’re filling/covering.

    • Raan

      And racists whining about their “essence” and the fate of the white race in 3, 2…

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      I must have stoopit sperm. I asked, and got this reply, “Zero, one, many!”

      My cats are like, “Nuthin’, mine, mine too, all mine!”

  • Nounverb911
    • Msgr_MΩment

      Bill: “Bimbos? I can get you bimbos.”

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Did he tell the girls if they loosen up they can fuck a rich old racist on a yacht?

    • bupkus231

      Way to go, Rump – first you alienate Boy Scouts, now Boys and Girl Nation ( high schoolers ). When do you speak to Boys Clubs or Campfire Girls? Or maybe preschoolers?

      Fucking asshole has finally found his level – spewing in front of children. Doesn’t have to worry about anyone challenging his bullshit there, does he?

      • Three Finger Salute

        That’s not all. This war on the scouts has already gone international.

        Girl Guides of Canada cancelling trips to the U.S. for the foreseeable future, citing concerns over travel ban that could negatively affect immigrant and refugee children

        Way to go, asshole. You alienated the fucking Canadian Girl Scouts. That’s like the most nonthreatening group ever in the history of anything and even they were likely to get caught up in your obnoxious “anti-terrorist” travel ban. 8-year-old girls fleeing American-led destruction in Syria, who came to cuddly Canada and joined a welcoming group of campfire and cookie enthusiasts — these are the equivalent of Bin Laden to you?

        What’s next? War on the CARE BEARS???

        • Raan

          No, Smurfs. Little blue communists living in peace with nature. I’m sure he’ll try to convince Sessions that they’re growing and using the devil’s weed.

          Side note – what actually was Gargamel’s motivation in that show?

          • Three Finger Salute

            Grabbing Smurfette by the whatever.

  • From the linky:

    Rep. Buddy Carter (R-GA), frustrated at the Senate’s pace in their effort to repeal Obamacare, said Wednesday that “somebody needs to go over there into that Senate and snatch a knot in their ass.”

    Daddy issues, Buddy?

    • bluicebank

      I’m guess you have to reach far up an ass to find the knot. Not sure that’s legal in Georgia.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Odd how the anal sex metaphor is the first thing that comes to his mind.

      • The Green Bastard

        “Don’t you threaten me w a good time, Buddy!”

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      I swear. “FUCK!”, see, I swore.

      Anyway, I wouldn’t bother snatching a knot in the asses of the Senate Republican’ts. What I would do, however, is stick a nice big lump of coal up the ass of each one of those scummy bastards. I’m pretty certain that I would be able to extract a diamond from each and every one of them after a few weeks.

      Okay, science humor. Sue me.

  • Jenny

    La Croix water.

    What are you even??!?! It is weird witch craft demon infused water I tell you!

    • CindyinEncinitas

      They drink it here at work by the truckload, for some reason.

      • Jenny

        I was given a can.

        First taste: OH GOD WHAT IS THIS BURNING ABOMINATION?!?

        ((Jenny, just keep drinking it.))

        Second taste: Still tastes like baking soda, whoa was that cherry?

        Third taste: yeah so it is starting to taste better??? How is it doing that?!

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Oh, god, I love that stuff.

    • h4rr4r

      The grapefruit kind is awesome.

      • Jenny

        Fresh grapefruit always tastes super bitter. Even if I cook it in sugar syrup. Don’t think I could even swallow it in bubble form.

        • The Green Bastard

          A pinch of salt is supposed to completely get rid of the bitterness. I never tried it personally, as I looooove me some unsweetened grapefruit.

    • The Green Bastard

      Fizzy awesomeness​. :)

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Article by friend-of-the-blog Charlie Pierce: “The Price of John McCain’s Loyalty”.
    http://www.esquire.com/news-politics/politics/news/a56570/mccain-healthcare-speech/
    Spoiler alert: it’s less than you’d think.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
  • OutOfOrbit

    WTF is “snatch a knot” in somebody’s ass?

    • Paperless Tiger

      What Hillary was gonna do to Russia if she won.

    • bluicebank

      As posted below, it reads like a caption below a Robert Mapplethorpe photo. I thought Republicans hated that guy.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    A symbolic amendment? Are you kidding me right now, Dean?
    https://twitter.com/meganmesserly/status/890326321514938368

    • Joe Beese

      Please symbolically fuck yourself.

      • bupkus231

        Yeah – I know there was a lotta talk that this up-for-reelection Republican was gonna buck the party to save is own ass, this “symbolic” measure is only confirmation that such “political analysis” was the full load of hoohah that’s it’s always been – and that a Republican , any Republican, was too chickenshit to oppose the shitbirds at the top of the Party.

      • h4rr4r

        With a literal rusty chainsaw.

    • DainBramage

      We’d all prefer actual support for Medicaid.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Which this seems like a sign Heller is going to choose not to do moving forward.

        • Christopher Story

          I really wanted to protect Medicaid, I really did! But the Republicans needed 51 votes to give us a win, and in the end, isn’t a Republican win worth more than Medicaid?

        • bupkus231

          Ya think????

          • Carpe Vagenda

            Not if I can avoid it, these days.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      You do realize he’s going to primary you anyway, right, you dumb fuck? And probably keep Our Revolution and The Young Turks and whatever Krystal Ball’s ratfuck operation is called out of your state as a courtesy to whoever they pick to primary you?

      • Three Finger Salute

        There’s an actual person named Crystal Ball? Is she the successor to Linda Goodman or something?

    • Ryan Denniston
      • yyyaz

        My read: POSOTUS is really Frank Booth.

        • vivian

          He doesn’t have Frank’s charm.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      There’s this, too. They are rat bastards. And that’s far too insulting to rats.
      https://twitter.com/benwikler/status/890250543385501698

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        Congratulations, Heller and Capito. You bought a pig in a poke! Thanks for selling your constituents out for a bag of worthless beans!

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      “Symbolic?”

      I guess it was about time these dingbats would come up with a name for saying one thing, and then voting exactly opposite. You know, like for example, John McCain’t.

      Oh, and BTW, fuck John McCain’t in the eye sockets with flaming barrel cacti!

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    Shelley Moore wore hoop earrings last Wednesday, even though we have a rule about not wearing hoop earrings.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Burn the witch!

    • SDGeoff3

      I hear Scaramucci wears them too. Special occasions.

      • yyyaz

        Big Macs and Diet Coke by candlelight with Fuckface McClownstick.

        • SDGeoff3

          My idea of a romantic dinner.

      • Paperless Tiger

        Rudy for sure.

  • Everrett Fanuelli
    • Anna Rompage

      Yep, it’s my understanding tat not only did the old bastard vote to push the proposed mystery bill to debate, he then went on to vote for the exact piece of legislation that he vowed he would not vote for in it’s current form…

      • DrBigHead

        Good God, I sincerely hope no one was surprised by this. The craven asshole….

      • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

        That’s some fast moving cancer* if it ruined his brain that much between his speech and his vote!

        *Actually I think her name is Kelli Ward.

  • bupkus231

    Someone needs to snatch a knot in the ass of every fucking Republican evah!

    ( Yeah, I never heard that alleged “regionalism” before )

    • Courser_Resistance

      How about I kick ’em in the ass instead. I don’t know what you have to do to put a knot in there, but I don’t want to get too close. The sucking hole where a soul used to be might suck me in.

      • Raan

        I think it’s a similar procedure to keelhauling.

    • vivian

      I think it’s from his wife yelling, “In the snatch, not in the ass!”

  • Christopher Story

    So, what do I do when Disqus loads my picture link outside the comment box, then tells me the box is empty?

    • Joe Beese

      Try reloading the page.

    • natoslug

      Try turning the Internet off and on again.

    • vivian

      Move to France?

      • Christopher Story

        Macron does look yummy, in a harmless, IT guy kind of way.

  • The Librarian

    27 1/2 hours to write that shitty bill, says Rep. Carter, as if that shows an enormous amount of effort. Not even a full week. That’s some pretty sloppy “hard” working there.

    • Anna Rompage

      It’s like the kid in class who turn in a 2 page final that was supposed to be 25 pages, and complains about how hard it was to complete…

    • Christopher Story

      At least they’re not jamming it through like Obama did. Oh, wait…

    • h4rr4r

      Wow, less than I have worked in two days on many occasions. I am sure many Americans can say the same. Only these lazy idiots think that is anything to be proud of.

      • The Librarian

        It’s ridiculous. I spend months when I redesign a library, months! This is health insurance for millions!!!!!11!!!!

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      27 1/2 hours for that?

      Considering where the bill came from, I would suggest a good laxative.

      • Three Finger Salute

        He’s tired? Oh, poor baby! Let me tell you about exhaustion! My mother survived 28 hours of labor giving birth to me. My great-grandmother endured 13 pregnancies, of which only five survived and one of those five died of black measles (measles that never come to a head and thus cause an internal infection) at just 5 years old. My grandfather died at 50 of cancer. My grandmother would stay awake for 48 hour watches at his hospital bed. Then as a widow she took on what used to be called the “man’s duties” around the house, and did everything from trimming the shrubbery to mowing the lawn to sawing off tree limbs with a manual saw to painting the interior walls of the home she’d bought, and paid off the 20-year mortgage in just 18 years by working overtime at a textile factory. She never stopped keeping busy until she died at 97. NINETY. FUCKING. SEVEN. Congressional pensioner says WHAT?

        Entitled old rich dudes are the real sissies. This weaksauce piece of shit can shut right up about all the “effort” he didn’t make in a measly 27.5 hours.

    • vivian

      Considering my longest day at the office was 53 hours, color me unimpressed.

  • Joe Beese

    If only I could trust anything he says.

    https://twitter.com/cam_joseph/status/890336572201213952

    • DrBigHead

      I don’t think they have a clue what hard work is.

      • Doug Langley

        Ah, the things I had to do to keep my jobs.

  • Carpe Vagenda
  • ⭐️Most Accurate Poster 2017⭐️
    • Yr. Gma

      Patriot, you need to do your job with that magazine of votes.

  • hendenburg2

    Lol, Dancing With The Stars is already trying to get Sean Spicer to sign on!

    • SDGeoff3

      Dances With Shrubs.

      • Three Finger Salute

        You mean ¡Yeb! and W?

        • SDGeoff3

          No. I’m talking Boxwood and Forsythia. But they are somewhere on the Bush family tree.

    • Anna Rompage

      Is it possible to dance with such a large stick shoved up one’s arse?

      • Yr. Gma

        Rick Perry and Tom DeLay did it.

        • Christopher Story

          In their defense, the stick simply replaced their spines. It’s how they were able to stay vertical.

        • Anna Rompage

          Rick Perry is secret gay, and Tom Delay was likely high on OxyContin…

    • Bananas Foster

      He’ll only do it if it’s audio only.

  • Joe Beese

    this confidence that the Byrd Rule is going to save Obamacare is misplaced. If it comes down to it, either Pence will overrule the Parliamentarian or McConnell will simply replace the Parliamentarian with someone more amenable. Folks who say this can’t happen have not been paying attention the last few months.

    http://www.metafilter.com/168422/Are-my-methods-unsound-I-dont-see-any-method-at-all-sir#7107926

  • Baconzgood

    I just want to thank you fellow Wonkers for letting me vent 2 days ago. You gave me support when Ex-Mrs. Baconz is so petty and mean.

    I thank yinz even though ya’ jag offs don’t live up ‘ere n’nat.

    You helped me guys. So if you ever need a place to crash…the REALZ, postcard/book/pork catalog sending people are always able to crash

    By the way….who did send me a 50 page catalog on pork products? That was awsome! 90% of you guys never gave me a return address so I could questions
    Write you back.

    So it’s done now. Legal wise the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania can’t make me look like a bad daddy. But I’m an OK dude.

    I met the Wonk Baby, Wonk mom and WonkShy.

    • Anna Rompage

      Speaking of pork products! I have a 5 pound pork shoulder ham curing away in the fridge right now that will get smoked on Friday evening!

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        Aren’t those kinda soggy and hard to keep lit?

      • Baconzgood

        What’s your address again?

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Good. I was worried about ya, ya old ham-hock.

      • Baconzgood

        Thanks.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      I’m always careful to be friendly to and supportive of you. Because you said you’d eat me in the event of zombie apocalypse. And I believe that. But I wish to be last.

      • Rick Hill

        Oh, c’mon, ‘Tini. You’re the first choice to take a bite out of.

        • Martini Ambassador 🍸

          Aw shucks!

          I’ve gotta get a lot faster at running.

      • Baconzgood

        I wouldn’t “eat you”….I just would keep you from getting into Monroeville Mall and watch your be eaten. BIG Difference

    • Rick Hill

      What? I missed that? I would have taken her side because, well…what have you done for Rick Hill, lately?

      • Baconzgood

        I didn’t break your femur?

        • Rick Hill

          Oh, well, there’s that.

    • Yr. Gma

      Just so long as no one sends you “100 Ways to Cook the Easter Bunny.” Seriously, your ex is a chronic asshole, and those types are always out to make everyone else miserable.

      • Baconzgood

        I like rabbit. Cooked well it tastes less gamey. The easter bunny is probably well marbled.

    • Doug Langley

      You’ve been through a horrible experience. It’s the least we can do.

      • Baconzgood

        I hope I don’t have to extend that kind of friendship. But I will.

  • jesterpunk

    So the company gets $3 billion and over 4 years hires 3,000 people but Trump and Walker get to claim 13,000 jobs and their base will buy it.

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2017/07/26/foxconn-to-announce-new-factory-in-wisconsin-in-much-needed-win-for-trump-and-scott-walker/?utm_term=.093edebb9ed2

    However, Trump said some details were still being negotiated and there was confusion about how many jobs would be created.

    Walker said the investment would create 13,000 jobs, with an average pay of
    $53,000 plus benefits. But the company said it would be hiring 3,000
    workers over four years — with the potential for further growth.

    The governor said Wisconsin would offer $3 billion in economic incentives to seal the deal.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Sounds about as good as the Carrier deal.

      • jesterpunk

        Yep, its going to sound good on paper now. The company will get atleast $3 billion possibly more and they will only hire a small number of people which people will forget about later.

      • jesterpunk

        Actually it might be worse then the Carrier deal.

        In 2013, the company earned headlines for a plan to invest $30 million and hire 500 workers for a new high-tech factory in central Pennsylvania. The state’s governor boasted about the deal. Economists wrote think pieces explaining how this was the leading edge of a U.S. manufacturing
        renaissance.

        But once the attention died down and the politicians moved on, Foxconn never followed through with its plans in Pennsylvania.

    • Bananas Foster

      Even if you take them at the 13,000 job promise, $3B/13,000 = $230,000.

      Great deal.

    • Anna Rompage

      So in essence each job costs $1 million over a 4 year period, and the employee is only walking away with $212k, while the business keeps $788,000

      • Joe Beese

        Get her out of here! Take her coat!

  • GreenGoldSharpie

    So, tonight up to 15,000 US troops go to bed not knowing if they’ll keep their military pension, their healthcare, and whether or not they’ll be dishonorably discharged.

    No plan assholes.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Have they ever *had* a plan? It’s always “go do this thing”, followed by infinity holes of golf from Donnie Two Scoops.

      • Pisto75666

        Then innocently ask why we’re not asking why Obama & Hilary did or didn’t do ‘that thing’

      • Bobathonic

        It always worked before.

    • h4rr4r

      Who do you think most of them voted for?

    • Yr. Gma

      I have always wondered what would motivate a trans person to join the military considering the crap he/she would have to endure. I guess there are things about military service that I don’t understand, but if someone wants to serve, that should be qualification enough.

      • Three Finger Salute

        In some cases (usually trans women) it’s because they think it will “snap them out of” their “problem”; this was the case with Chelsea Manning, who apparently got thrown out of home by her father when (still as Brad) she came out to him as gay. Mr Manning told then-Brad to “straighten yourself out”.

        Personally, I myself don’t think this country is worth defending anymore — not only that, the reasons we’re over there have nothing to do with “defending” from anything, and haven’t really since 1941. It’s all about resource grabs and enriching the coffers of the MIC with expendable plebs who are still brainwashed by the flag-and-glory thing and trained to view questioning America’s legacy as “unpatriotic” and “communist” and so forth.

        “Yer either with us or yer agin’ us,” said drunk idiot Yale-legacy cowboy when people rightly protested daddy’s bullshit PNAC agenda for going into Iraq. So, minorities are already viewed as undesirables at home. They think they can earn America’s love and respect by fighting for “her.” Then when they come home they get left to die by the same politicians who started the war in the first place, and now want to deny them (and their fellow Americans) healthcare — especially mental health care — because “PTSD is for sissies.”

        I don’t want to live in this country or on this planet anymore.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      They can’t even do fakery right…

      • Bananas Foster

        I’m surprised it wasn’t blank.

      • OrG

        The trumpanzees will believe it.

    • Jenny

      Maybe priority mailed?

      • mancityRed6

        like Pickle has that kind of cash. you saw how he spelled picture

    • OrG

      To be fair, that was for the rubes. Not us.

      • Jon Sussex

        I read that as “rubles.”

        • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

          that too

    • Rick Hill

      This just in:
      “Pickle was granted his wish and met with preznit trump. “This is so exciting”, exclaimed Pickle. Shortly after trump left the room, Pickle was heard asking “Has anyone seen my lollipop? I had it right here and I was only half way through it.”

    • Yr. Gma

      Fucking morons can’t even lie correctly.

    • tomamitai

      If only Reality Winner hadn’t folded, she wouldn’t be in such a pickle.

    • Richard Jokes

      Well they can’t have us proving it came off an NSA printer now can they?

  • Joe Beese

    Dean Heller is giving a speech for his amendement, a resolution of “symbolic” support of Medicaid.

    I’m not sure anything has ever captured “moderate” Republicans better than a show of symbolic support right before voting to actually cut something that keeps millions of people alive.

    http://www.metafilter.com/168422/Are-my-methods-unsound-I-dont-see-any-method-at-all-sir#7107954

    • Anna Rompage

      John McCain did the same thing just a couple of days ago, or was that yesterday? These people are so tedious, a day with them seems like a month…

      • DrBigHead

        And the fact that the media gave McCain one fucking minute of coverage still enrages me.

  • Joe Beese
    • Paperless Tiger

      That’s what happens when you don’t vote for your life.

      • Everrett Fanuelli

        Now there is a great slogan for Dems in the midterms: “Vote for your lives!”

        • JustDon’tSaySortMyBalls

          I kinda like it. Let’s put a little FUD into 2018. A lot is already there.

        • tomamitai

          In this day and age, their motto should be “Vote like your likes and re-tweets depend on it”.

    • Canis Greyhame

      Based on the campaign rhetoric, it’s about what I thought would happen if the wrong lizard got in, and damned if they didn’t deliver!

  • ⭐️Most Accurate Poster 2017⭐️

    OT but jesus fucking christ who thought this was a good idea

    https://twitter.com/margeincharge/status/890271197275049986

    • Anna Rompage

      Horrible fucking people, all of them!

    • Jenny

      Wtf….

      • ⭐️Most Accurate Poster 2017⭐️

        “We snatched money away from impoverished orphans to see which one cried the best!”

        • h4rr4r

          Don’t be ridiculous, you snatch the money from orphans for the pure joy of doing it. Using the one that cried the best for the movie was just a bonus.

        • Jenny

          “Angelina Jolie reveals Bells Palsy diagnosis” – Vanity Fair.

          “Nah Bitch, that’s Karma.” – Me.

    • Joe Beese

      I used to think she played the Big Humanitarian to get people to stop hating her for stealing Brad Pitt from Jennifer Aniston. But apparently she really is that full of herself.

      • Three Finger Salute

        I never stopped viewing her as a homewrecker. In all fairness I think Brad is actually a much more down-to-earth person, who cares about his kids and got caught up in the fame thing. He’s from NOLA and actually did help out with the cleanup effort and documenting the experiences of the people who’d lost everything in Katrina. Angelina is a self-serving cunt.

    • mancityRed6

      I’m just surprised none of the kids tried to shank her.

      • Joe Beese

        “You die now, Big Lip Lady!”

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      As one does, when one is Special Envoy for the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      And all the people defending her in response are “You don’t know the context! How do you expect kids to emote on screen?”
      Dude, there are ways to do that without being cruel. I thought the days of directors telling child actors they’d shoot the kid’s dog if they didn’t perform were over.

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        Child actors cost money. Use the orphans; they work for next to nothing.

        • yyyaz

          Bootiestraps.

    • yyyaz

      So, just like the Pig in Chief telling his base he would protect granny and grampa and their kid that ain’t quite right, then kicking them all in the ass just to see them cry. And then laugh and ridicule them.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Well she is Jon Voight’s daughter.

      • Royal Ugly Dude

        Milo Minderbinder had more of a moral core.

    • Yr. Gma

      That vapid witch turns my stomach.

  • OneYieldRegular

    “Trump didn’t similarly yell at Susan Collins because why should he have to look up two women’s names?”

    Actually, it’s because he sent his Mini-Me, Blake Farenthold, to do the job.

    • Joe Beese

      Lumpy exempts Collins from his terrifying wrath because she always voted No on repeal. Whereas Murkowski voted Yes when Obama was in office* and it didn’t count. So from their point of view, it makes sense to dislike Murkowski more.

      * I am taking the considerable risk of taking Lumpy’s statement to that effect as fact. I wasn’t paying attention then.

      • OrG

        Surprisingly that almost makes sense.

        • RobespierreHoo

          Even more surprising, Hannity fucked up and told the truth on that one.

  • Christopher Story

    Just like Paul Ryan. Oh, wait…
    “Republican Senators Are Openly Defying Trump On Transgender Military Ban”
    http://www.politicususa.com/2017/07/26/republican-senators-openly-defying-trump-transgender-military-ban.html
    Isn’t that the Republican Two Step? Clutch the pearls, hold the nose, vote for the party.

    • mancityRed6

      considering he 1) tweeted his order?, and 2) no one from defense said they were consulted, I’m still surprised.

      • Ducksworthy

        The world ends with a tweet not a whimper.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Turned a gallon of green beans from my garden into 9 jars of dilly beans!

    • Anna Rompage

      That’s awesome!

      I just put up some kosher dills to ferment last night!

  • Joe Beese

    Jobs! Nets!

    Foxconn, the Taiwanese manufacturer that makes electronics for Apple and other tech companies, is coming to Wisconsin.

    The firm will invest $10 billion in Wisconsin to build a new manufacturing plant that produces LCD panels. …

    Foxconn grew into a powerhouse for electronics manufacturing for Apple, Microsoft, HP and others thanks to its ability to staff its factories with cheap labor in China.

    At its peak, Foxconn employed more than one million people. Employees live on factory campuses and have been known to work far more hours for far less pay than would be acceptable under U.S. labor laws.

    At times, Foxconn’s workplace demands have resulted in worker riots and suicides. In fact, Foxconn installed nets outside buildings to catch workers trying to jump to their deaths.

    http://money.cnn.com/2017/07/26/technology/business/foxconn-wisconsin/index.html

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      What does Trump have to do with this?

      • Joe Beese

        He’s pretending that Apple CEO Tim Cook did this to please him.

        • OrG

          Did he?

          • Résistance Land Shark Ω

            No.

          • UncleTravelingMatt

            The most successful companies regularly make multi-billion dollar investments without any planning or discussion.

          • Jamoche

            Hell no. This sort of thing takes ages to set up. Plus, the idea of any Apple CEO doing anything to please Trump…

    • mancityRed6

      China called them a labor camp.
      China.
      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Foxconn_suicides

    • Elendira

      weren’t these guys the one that had to “invent” the “suicide net” to stop workers from committing suicide during their lunch breaks because the jobs were so awesome?

      • h4rr4r

        They did not invent them, lots of bridges have had them for decades.

        Foxconn plants had a lower suicide rate than the general public.

    • janetintexas

      The Owners would love to see America have a billion people, too — all stacked on top of each other in tiny little substandard high-rise apartments, duking it out with each other for the slave jobs.

    • tomamitai

      Now THERE’S a social safety net republicans can support! As long as you don’t want to tax the rich to pay for it, of course, otherwise they say “let ’em SPLAT!”.

  • Joe Beese
    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Never count out the stupidity of the American voter

    • Elendira

      but … but … but, guys! I took the lead on having a vote on a symbolic non-binding resolution that says Medicaid is Awesome!

      Why won’t you vote for me?!

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω
  • Charon_69

    Has someone already referenced the upcoming Rolling Stone cover?
    …wistfully inquiring why Trudeau can’t be the President of youse instead of Voldemoron?

    • CripesAmighty

      ‘Voldemoron’ HAHAHAHA!
      So stolen.

    • yyyaz

      Yeah, and all the fuckwad he-men calling JT a swishy girl. All downstream.

      • Canis Greyhame
        • yyyaz

          Same general body shape, but prolly much smaller.

        • Camo not working…we can still see him.

          • Christopher Story

            In his defense, you can’t hide when you are the forest.

          • I hear his brother wants to duel Sen Collins

        • Christopher Story

          “Now that Trump’s president, the bitches are gonna have to start taking me seriously.”

          • Villago Delenda Est

            /rolls eyes from here to Zanzibar

        • Canis Greyhame

          Just saying, might be some self-esteem issues there causing them to lash out against smoking hot prime ministers & such.

        • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

          No, no, no, never put shelves in the corner like that. If you want to put shelves in the corner, fucking get corner shelves.

        • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

          Is that a bottle of lotion in front of the TeeVee?! {{{Chuckle}}}

        • Komsumverweigerer Ron

          While that is objectively unpleasant to look at, I will admit that I feel thin for the first time in QUITE a while, so… thanks?

        • jodyleek

          By the looks of the curtains and the tchotchkes and the construction of it, Slim here lives with his mother in her trailer.

      • The Wanderer

        (frowns, straps on his HazMat suit and dives)

        • Christopher Story

          Take some iodine pills!

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        The Rolling Stone comment section is mostly unmoderated and has become a cofveve house for right wing trolls. It’s best ignored.

        • Three Finger Salute

          It’s not even Rolling Stone. It’s Daily Fail.

          • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

            Even worse

    • The Wanderer

      “Voldemoron.”
      Many upfists for this.

  • Jamoche

    I have just discovered that the RWNJ’s kid, the Stepbrat, the one who only avoided being a stereotypical parental basement dweller because the water table is too high for homes there to have basements, had set up a GoFundMe for his “medical expenses” – ie, keeping the pain pump he got through being an expert malingering scammer fully stocked with drugs. And self-described as a “Disabled Veteran” – because he joined up when no other job would touch him and lasted the bare minimum amount of time you can. Never got within an entire continent of being in the situation you think of with “Disabled Veteran”. And you guys are the only one I can share the snark with, because – accidentally or otherwise – he OD’d. So in searching for his obit I found a page all sympathetic because of his “DV” status, and I’m just – omg no. There are real DVs out there this brat is posthumously stealing attention from.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Moral of the story: Being a vet or a member of any other protected-status group doesn’t necessarily preclude someone from being an asshole (or make them worthy of the benefit of the doubt). Colonel Kurtz is a POW who now has terminal cancer. He cast the vote to deny millions of other Americans healthcare. He can go fuck right off with votes too, just the same.

      • Ducksworthy

        Well maybe his brain….

    • Jenny

      Damn. That is both sad and oddly satisfying.

      There’s so much fucked up shit here that this guy’s family tree has to branch into my family tree some where… I just know it!

      • Jamoche

        IK,R? My first thought wasn’t sympathy, it was “well, now I don’t have to worry that Mom’s retirement is going to be used up because she can’t convince the RWNJ stepdad that the brat will mooch on them for the rest of their lives.” I’d watch Judge Judy and see losers with the exact stories my mom was telling about him. He once wanted her to ask me about software development, because obviously if I could do it he could too. (I’m hella talented. He was barely computer literate.) He’d apply to McDonald’s manager jobs without ever having been so much as a dishwasher. The only “disability” he had was withdrawal symptoms.

        • Ducksworthy

          I loathe the fake DVs.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      I actually am a “disabled veteran” and have the shitty hearing to prove it!

    • Yr. Gma

      I know a couple of those types.

    • redarmyzombie

      That’s…terribly unfortunate, all around. While I do not subscribe to the idea of “stolen valor”, it is still scummy when someone tries to ride off accomplishments they never achieved…

  • Joe Beese
  • Amelia Resists and Persists

    The Daily Beast reports that Ivanka decided not to say anything about the Trans ban because she wanted to spend her “political capital” elsewhere.

    If she’s not spending it on climate change or the queers she pretends to like, where the fuck is she spending it? Is she using it to be the only fucking one whose name hasn’t been brought up in the Russia scandal? Did she, shock of all shocks, never care about any of the shit she claimed to in the first place???

    Fuck off, you duplicitous cunt.

    • h4rr4r

      Cunt libels.

      They have a warmth and depth Ivanka will never achieve.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      She needs the political capital for when her sweatshops finally get sanctioned for human rights violations.

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        By the Chinese.

    • Christopher Story

      Caitlyn Jenner thought they were gonna be friends

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      What “political capital”? She has no money to appropriate, no votes to trade, no district to swing, no organization or political base to mobilize, and daddy evidently doesn’t listen to her. She has a constituency of one — two if you count their common lawyer.

      • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

        If she withholds some “affections” from Daddykins, this gives her leverage. “Political Capital” likely involves turning orange balls blue.

    • redarmyzombie

      She’s a lying bitch who’s every bit as scumbag as her lying conman of a father.

    • OutOfOrbit

      “political capital”…what a snotty little tramp

    • Three Finger Salute

      She spent $19.99 of her political capital (or whatever periodicals cost these days) on the Justin Trudeau Rolling Stone magazine. And another $5 on a Highlights for Children at the last minute to hang up on Daddy’s fake-news wall while she goes to her bunk.

    • Ωbjectifier

      Spending capital? What kind of fucking republicans are these? One does not ‘spend’ capital.

    • commatoes

      Remember she admits to being complicit.

    • Richard Jokes

      It allllll goes into the advertising budget with them.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    White House communications director Anthony Scaramucci on Wednesday night compared Republican lawmakers’ ongoing efforts to repeal Obamacare to former President Abraham Lincoln’s abolition of slavery.

    ‘Cause they both involved at least one black person?

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      “We’re stepped out upon the world stage now, now, with the fate of human dignity in our hands. Blood’s been spilled to afford us this moment! Now! Now! Now! And you grouse so and heckle and dodge about like pettifogging Tammany Hall hucksters!”

      • tomamitai

        Sounds like something John Hodgman would say.

    • Canis Greyhame

      Wrong side of history for that comparison.
      This might be a more accurate analogy:
      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caning_of_Charles_Sumner

    • Raan

      I’m going to not think about this, as it would require putting myself in a headspace where this makes sense.

    • TootsStansbury

      I can no longer process anything slouching forth (thank you W.B.) from this “administration”. The lies, the crime and no justice getting done. I’m done.

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      I’m still of the opinion that it’s because something was abolished. Good or bad is an unnecessary distinction for Da Mooch.

  • Paperless Tiger

    Democrats: People will die!

    Republicans: Not my problem.

    Media: Both parties are the same.

    • Ducksworthy

      I think you have located our problem.

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        We have diagnosed the malady. Do you have a recommended course of treatment?

        • Gary Charound

          Put onions in your socks.

          • Raan

            You, sir, are a quack!

            Obviously the onions should be tied to the belt!

          • OutOfOrbit

            that is doable

          • OutOfOrbit

            tried but shoes too tight

          • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

            Use garlic. After a few days getting crushed in your shoes on your feet, you can take your socks and use them to make a tasty lasagna. Just add the pasta and etc.

            Adding a stone helps, too. But be sure to remove it before serving.

          • TheFamilyThalamusPersists

            I thought that I was supposed to make a poultice for my belly?

        • h4rr4r

          Democrats getting their message out in those terms. No big words, no lengthy explanations, just “Folks gonna die!”

          • commatoes

            Alan Grayson tried. Got called an alarmist and showboater.

            Yeah, alarmist.

          • Bettyrsmith

            Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family! !pm382d:
            On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
            !pm382d:
            ➽➽
            ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialJobsCash672ShopNotePay$97Hour ★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★:::::!pm382l..,.

        • TootsStansbury

          Mob violence? Mass tax refusal?

        • Komsumverweigerer Ron

          Always remember the surgeon’s maxim:
          ‘When in doubt
          Cut it out.’

  • Elendira

    HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAA

    Weak! Sad! Impotent!

    New Newsweek article up. Trump wants to eliminate transgendered service people so that he can use the appropriated $ 8 million dollars for the Trans service people to build his shitty wall.

    That’s why it literally came out of the blue.

    Because nobody wants to build the fucking thing or actually allocate money for it

    • rosenbomb

      Also too…isn’t $8M just a drop in the bucket for that monstrosity?

      • Ωbjectifier

        That’ll get you ’bout 30′ of wall.

        • Elendira

          60 feet of wall in Texas and 14 feet of “back up wall” in California according to the article. After they win that 8 year eminent domain lawsuit in Texas of course

          • h4rr4r

            How much of that is actually fence?

          • Ducksworthy

            Most of it is total bullshit.

          • Komsumverweigerer Ron

            I suppose the smell might deter a few people…

          • Doug Langley

            Fence? FENCE??? It’s gonna be Grade A plexiglass and solar panels at the same time. It’ll be YUGE!!

          • Elendira

            How about “transparent Aluminum” >.>

          • Doug Langley

            Even better!!

      • Elendira

        Remember they want to build that Starter section of the wall to show the rest of us libtards how awesome and effective it will be

        • Jamoche

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SbWg-mozGsU
          “Somebody’s gotta go back and get a shitload of dimes.”

        • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

          I heard it’s already done!
          “You can’t see it because it’s invisible, duh, Fake News failing New York Times Sad!”

      • Canis Greyhame

        Adding insult to injury, yes.

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        A wall 2000 miles long and 1/2″ high.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      I can’t believe Arrested Development nailed this family so well.

    • ⭐️Most Accurate Poster 2017⭐️

      It’s only theoretically $8 million; it could be way less.

      The military spends at least ten times as much just on Viagra, also too.

      • Elendira

        please like rich old man men are going to take penis meds away from other men

        • Christopher Story

          Boners are a right, vaginas are not.

      • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

        “seek medical help for an erection lasting more than four hours”

        I googled what exactly the medical help would be. And I learned I will NEVER take viagra in the event I need it, which I don’t!

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      $8 million is a lot of money … enough to go to Mar-a-Lago FIVE times.

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      The way I read it, somewhere, was that this bullshit exploded because some Rethugs wanted to insert a ban on the military paying for trans-surgeries that was threatening to blow up a bill to fund the fucking wall, so fine, just ban them all, says that orange-stained shitgibbon.

      • Elendira

        He wants to get funding for this build a small section and then call it mission accomplished and then lie about how effective it is keeping out all those brown people who according to his Tuesday Night Campaign rally want to rape and kill white women.

        He saw that a couple of Republicans were making noise about vetoing the defense appropriation bill due to the Transgender health care spending (all 8M of it).

        So lightning struck and he had an idea. He will fire all the transgender people in the military first and then the Defense department can use that 8M that is just “lying” around doing nothing to build a section of his shitty wall.

        He is SO desperate of a “win” of any kind

        Win Win

        #THEdealmaker

    • Canis Greyhame

      Offering a lame-ass bullshit excuse after the fact for stoking bigotry? Yep, that fits his MO.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Donald J. Dick. The worlds most bestest fucking mathematician.

      Hey, Donnie Dick, why don’t you be so kind and go off and prove the Riemann Hypothesis, dumb ass!

      Okay, maths humor. Bite me.

      • PubOption

        Donnie can do higher math. His comments about his net worth, and probably his tax returns as well, are full of imaginary numbers.

        • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

          True enough. I doubt there are any complex numbers in Donnie’s tax returns, though.

  • Royal Ugly Dude

    Carter said, responding to Velshi. “Let me tell you,
    somebody needs to go over there into that Senate and snatch a knot in
    their ass.”

    I have no idea what he’s advocating here, but I’m pretty sure he has no business talking about a senator’s ass–or snatch.

  • ⭐️Most Accurate Poster 2017⭐️
    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Yes. But that’s not sufficient. Put yrtle on his back on top of a post in the hot sunlight in the path of a raging forest fire. That will do.

      Oh, and once the fire has passed, nuke the post from orbit, just to be sure.

      I don’t want anyone pointing at me and saying that I do shit half-assed.

      Oh, and BTW, fuck McCain’t’s eye sockets, votes, etc.

    • wait! what?
    • Joe Beese

      You’re not helping, Leon. Why is that?

      • tomamitai

        My Mother? Let me tell you about my mother…

      • h4rr4r

        I was just rewriting the question.

  • jowgajen
  • wait! what?

    SOT

    http://www.patheos.com/blogs/formerlyfundie/christian-ghosting-destructive-christian-practice-dont-talk/

    It’s as if for us, loving people simply because they are people made in the image of God is not enough. Instead, we become only willing to love people who we are in harmonious agreement with. As long as we are in agreement, the relationship is solid– but the minute one person begins to grow and shift on this belief or that one, we bail.

    We ghost people. We disappear from their lives. We abandon them. We sever ties.

    And we do it in the cruelest way possible: with silence.

    • tomamitai

      Shouldn’t that be Holy Ghosting?

      • wait! what?

        …or blinded them with silence.

        • Three Finger Salute

          “Good heavens, Miss Magdalene! You’re beautiful!”

          BURN THE WITCH!!!!!!!

        • Kiri the Unicorn
  • Mr. Blobfish

    Having a yard sale this weekend. Gonna part with my beloved John Paul 2 plush doll. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2b5d8f5970ff06a763468077cffdf9b526a133c78a51453587519b92abe990c4.jpg

    • Ωbjectifier

      How will you drive in the HOV lane then?

    • Christopher Story

      Three questions –

      First: Where?
      Second: How?
      Third: Why?

      • Mr. Blobfish

        Weehawken, NJ
        Saturday and Sunday
        He has served his purpose.

        • Can you find me someone to duel with if i come down?

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            Blake Farenthold might be available.

          • Mr. Blobfish

            Come for the dueling, stay for the view.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      Actually looks like one of the dead popes on display in St Paul’s. The story was they buried him down in the basement with the other popes, noticed that he was looking pretty good, so they brought him back upstairs and put him on display. Why waste a good looking dead pope?

  • Johnnymoreno

    “If she were a guy from South Texas, I would go down there and snatch a knot in his ass!”

    • Beanz&Berryz

      NTTAWWT

  • Joe Beese
    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      I got a signal for them:
      WARNING: CLIFF AHEAD

    • dshwa

      Quick, put up the purity batshit signal!

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      They already got a signal, loud and clear, over and over, they just don’t LIKE it.

    • Jamoche

      “Where have you gone, Joe DiMaggio
      Our nation turns its lonely eyes to you
      What’s that you say, Mrs. Robinson
      Jolting Joe has left and gone away”

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      One signal might be “I am joining the Democratic Party”

  • jowgajen
    • Christopher Story

      Wow, that actually makes the most sense I’ve seen coming from the President. He doesn’t need a Sessions for his base if he can out bigot and out prejudice the man.

  • Bobathonic
    • Beanz&Berryz

      Oh, spare us the caterwauls, Caitlyn.

  • mancityRed6
  • Joe Beese
  • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

    Okay, I officially can’t take any more of this today, so I am posting this, some of which is really funny. http://www.boredpanda.com/celebrity-instagram-photo-recreation-celeste-barber/?page_numb=1&utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=link&utm_campaign=SMARTLY

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    So, that was an endearing waste of time.
    https://twitter.com/DSenFloor/status/890348642929971201

    • Ryan Denniston

      Does that mean Heller’s views on how we should all view Medicaid are not agreed to?

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        Yea verily.

  • Michael Sullivan

    It is simple: Alaskans equate Republicans with oil subsidies. Running as a write-in who previously represented you is easier than running as a Democrat.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Alaskans do love them some oil welfare don’t they?

  • Carpe Vagenda

    Oh, that nice Chris Collins from upstate who lost all that biotech insider trading money is having a bad, bad day. Still no news how combative government lease millionaire Carl Paladino feels about it.

    President Donald Trump says Upstate New York residents should leave the Empire State to find jobs elsewhere.

    The Chicago Tribune reports electronics manufacturer Foxconn is expected to announce Wednesday that a new factory will be built in Wisconsin. Wisconsin Assembly Speaker Robin Vos says as many as 10,000 new jobs will be created by the plant, which will make flat-screen displays in House Speaker Paul Ryan’s congressional district.

    Trump teased the announcement as a win for his campaign promise to bring back manufacturing jobs in the U.S. during an interview with The Wall Street Journal on Tuesday. He specifically called out “upper New York state,” encouraging residents to leave their homes behind for places like Wisconsin, a key state in Trump’s election victory.

    “You’re going to need people to work in these massive plants,” Trump told the newspaper. “I’m going to start explaining to people: When you have an area that just isn’t working like upper New York state, where people are getting very badly hurt, and then you’ll have another area 500 miles away where you can’t get people, I’m going to explain, you can leave. It’s OK. Don’t worry about your house.”

    • TJ Barke

      Or, you know, you could hold corporations accountable for this grotesque predatory exploitation…

      • Three Finger Salute

        What are you, some kind of communist? Corporations are people, my friend! And not just any people. The best people, the most incredible, they’re very, very amazing because they are very, very rich. Believe me.

        • Elendira

          but only People when its to their advantage, i.e. buying votes in States and Congress. Unfortunately, People can be sued for liability and they can be held accountable for murder and other crimes. At that point, we become a Corporation again and are immune to those lawsuits.

          Just as the Good Lord and Supply- Side Jesus intended!

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      Um…. he’s not actually bringing any jobs at all. CHINA is bringing jobs, in other words we’ve fallen on such hard times, that China is now outsourcing the jobs the Chinese don’t want to do….to US.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Comments on twitter, I swear I am not making this up, include some yahoo upstate suggesting that they set up an electoral college so NYC’s superior numbers (and presumably the fact that we pay a grossly disproportionate share of the state’s bills) won’t give us an unfair advantage in electing a Governor.

        • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

          Yes, we get the same idiots in Northern-northern California. As though we don’t pay for the entire fucking state, or are the engine driving the fucking thing. I’m so fucking sick of those fucking ignorant bigoted yahoos.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            and OMG convinced that somehow we’re taking advantage of them by paying most of their bills because brown people and not-heterosexuals. Who are paying stupid amounts of rent and taxes so they can live where the jobs are even if their taxes aren’t spent on their kids.

          • redarmyzombie

            I’m almost tempted to say let them fight their own fucking forest fires.

            Almost. I’m not a fucking monster, after all…

          • natoslug

            Hey now! Not all of use Northern-northern California idiots want an electoral college. Wouldn’t mind a little less of a health care desert though. And maybe a Eureka bypass. And less patchouli in public.

          • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

            Well I wasn’t including YOU!!! I just meant the sov cits who support Trump, there’s a weird little klatch of them up there. Otherwise, it’s beeeeaauuutiful up there, I’ve been there to visit. (and I didn’t call, sorry.) Berkeley (my home town) also has a surfeit of patchouli.

          • natoslug

            Berkeley also has (or had) Cocolat. Their Sarah Bernhardts used to be my favorite reason for stopping in town. Then I met a Berkeley girl, and had another reason to visit. I miss both. :D

          • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

            Ohhh Cocolat! AND Peets. We also had the Art Museum cafe, which was unutterably delicious, amazingly good, and the people cooking there turned out to be Ruth Reichl and Michael what’s his name of Michael’s, the original California cuisine chef in Santa Monica.

        • Komsumverweigerer Ron

          I’m sure Albany will get RIGHT on that.
          Dumbasses.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            Oh, Andrew Cuomo would totally do it if he thought he could get away with it.

    • Raan

      Oh yeah, because people walking away from debt-ridden houses worked SO WELL nine years ago.

      What the fuck is wrong with his brain?

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Can you imagine how many houses he and Jared will be able to pick up on the cheap if people just walk away from them?

        • Raan

          Well, they’ll have to market them under a different name because Trump and Kushner are basically some kind of weird sci-fi poison now.

      • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

        It’s made of herpes?

        • natoslug

          Neurosyphilis.

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        I’m sure the Trump’s will agree to pay off the unpaid balances on the mortgages of those who decide to leave, so the banks won’t be pestering them over that small detail. Idiot.

    • h4rr4r

      Isn’t working? Tell that to all the new jobs in Buffalo you fucking moron. This factory may one day open. Tesla is hiring people at the solar roof plant now.

      • Raan

        Real talk, I don’t think he actually knows that Buffalo is a city. Or if he does, that it’s a magical, far-away place where wings and sauces come from.

        • h4rr4r

          And about a million people.

          Mind you much of our growth is immigrants. Hard working but we do have one big problem with them, too few are opening restaurants.

        • Jamoche

          I lived there in the early 80s, and mainly remember it as being more run down and grimy than its Canadian neighbor across the river. So that’s the right time frame for Donnie to have fixed his opinion of it.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      And how are they supposed to do that? Hitchhike?
      Trust me, I worked in towns during the Great Recession where unemployment was high. It was high because people couldn’t find work and couldn’t afford to relocate to look for work elsewhere.

      • h4rr4r

        We already can’t find enough employees in Buffalo, why move?

      • Doug Langley

        ^^^ THIS ^^^

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      “Walking away from debt always works for me!”

  • Scooby

    Blake Farenthold for sure has to be against Skinny Repeal.

  • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

    DaFuq? I’m agreeing with Hatch?

    Senator Hatch's full comments on the issue of transgender Americans in the military. #utpol pic.twitter.com/EDS6JRXJaj— Senator Hatch Office (@senorrinhatch) July 26, 2017

    • mancityRed6

      cannon fodder for the war with N Korea/China?

    • TJ Barke

      But the fact that people are people means we shouldn’t be doing the best for them, like giving them healthcare?

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        One thing at a time.

        • TJ Barke

          I mean these people are completely fucking inconsistent…

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        Yeah, he also has tweets on the importance of the ADA — and yet how did he vote on health care? As if Medicaid isn’t important for people with disabilities?

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      Yes, the world is completely mad. We’re agreeing with Orrin Fucking Hatch.

      • mancityRed6

        this is the same guy who said signs of marijuana use is an interest in politics.

      • CripesAmighty

        Well, in the current environment, making the decision not to run over Granny at the crosswalk puts one in the running for a Profiles In Courage award.

    • dshwa

      Broken clock phenomenon.

    • TootsStansbury

      He’s full of crapola, just like like the rest of the GOP.

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      If we ever flush out the villains, down the line of succession, you’d have to get to Hatch before you’d find someone fairly free of Russian taint, and maybe he’s prepping for that day.

      • Shanzgood

        Phrasing!

      • SkinlessGenderlessMan

        For months now I have been practicing saying “President Hatch”. It’s getting pretty normal sounding by now…

  • Ωbjectifier

    Earl Leroy “Buddy” Carter
    Tells you all you need to know, right there.

    • dshwa

      A name that just screams “please check the crawl spaces”

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      Some names are so musical.

      Earl Leroy “Buddy” Carter
      I can hear the banjo music right now.

  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    Thank goodness for the explainers in that article about spanking. I’d never have assumed the phrase “snatch a knot in their ass” meant “to get spanked.”

    “Well, laaand sakes! Some skoon needs to gitton over there and hork a jeeber in their gump-buckle!”

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      “Lawwwwsy me! Some skeeter needs to git over there and crank a crazzer in their flush valve!”

      • amrak63

        “It’s crackers to slip a rozzer the dropsy in snide!”

    • eggs ackly-wright

      You talk pretty.

  • Richard Jokes

    Attn: Canadians and sundry UnAmericans!

    So I reached out to Indivisible Chicago who are running the remote phone bank operation to save the ACA. They were stoked. There should not be any issue legally, though there might be an issue accessing the system. One thing I hadn’t thought of though is the long distance fees. I do not have a NA wide calling plan. If you do though, and you’re a Canadian who wants to help, please head on over to https://www.indivisiblechicago.com/phonebankfromhome/ and fill out the form to enrol. Short blurb on how it works from the email, copied with permission.

    ” If you sign up, you’ll get a link to a doc which lists 5 different options to dial. Most of these show you a phone # to call and you dial your phone each time. The last one though, the Indivisible hubdialer, works more like a conference line. You call one number, enter a pin and then it’s going to make the calls for you from the conference hub and connect you when people answer. That might be easier for you so you’re not making 50 separate US calls.”

    Happy dialing Wonkettariate. I’mma see what I can do about getting a bit of long distance coverage pro-rated onto my account.

  • Joe Beese

    Scaramucci Compares O’Care Repeal Effort To Lincoln’s Abolition Of Slavery

    http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/scaramucci-obamacare-repeal-efforts-lincoln-abolition-of-slavery

    • TJ Barke
    • Roni Raven, Undercovfefe Agent

      Oh FFS.
      Slicker than snot on a doorknob, that guy.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        Thanks for that image. Although, I do use it a lot myself, but I am trying to eat a cookie, dammit!

        • Roni Raven, Undercovfefe Agent

          I hope it’s not a jelly thumbprint cookie.

          • CindyinEncinitas

            I prefer peanut butter, but I’ll eat any cookie, really.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Ben Carson approves!

    • Canis Greyhame

      Yes! The lifesaving access to healthcare our families are suffering from is exactly like slavery! Let’s get rid of it so that thousands can finally find freedom in the sweet release of death!

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      tbf, he sorta stopped reading at ‘abolish’.

    • Alan

      He’s a mobster straight out of central casting.

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        And not one of the smarter ones.

      • eggs ackly-wright

        The third Kray brother.

    • CripesAmighty

      And the release of New and Improved Ty-D-Bowl to the polio vaccine!

    • armed_bears

      Well of course he does.

  • Raan

    You know, all this talk about knots and asses, it takes in a different light in some of the…darker corners of the internet.

    • redarmyzombie

      Is it the Nazi Furrys again?

      • Raan

        Not just the Nazi ones.

      • Richard Jokes

        I did Nazi Furries coming up again so soon.

    • The Wanderer

      Just then the rest of the Harem team swept by me and I felt a paw on my shoulder. I turned to look at Doris, who grinned at me.
      “Hey, cutie, wanna tie the knot, if you know what I mean?”
      I politely demurred. She looked a bit disappointed but followed her teammates.

      The Giant Gnat of Sinatra, 2009, Yours Truly

      • redarmyzombie

        Pics or it didn’t happen.

        • The Wanderer
          • redarmyzombie

            Merci Beaucoup.

          • Richard Jokes

            I will actually read this later but hot take? Lmao, Rabbi Tom art.

            Thanks for the throwback. :)

          • The Wanderer

            My pleasure. Groat’s still drawing, btw.

          • Richard Jokes

            I’m only surpised he’s still on this earth, that he woukd be drawing seems a given. You ever visit the real WCotP? Or a much better shot in the dark… Have you ever been to Merriam’s?

          • The Wanderer

            I’m afraid not. I’m a bit late to the fandom, and despite going to cons since 2009 I have yet to go to AnthroCon.

          • Richard Jokes

            Like I said, shot in the dark. I went in ’03, ’05, and ’07. ’09 I ended up going to the Carolinas instead and spending six hot months shacked up with an even hotter Marine.

            I cannot imagine what it’s like now, surely way too massive for my taste.

      • Kiri the Unicorn
      • SkinlessGenderlessMan

        How delightfully furry! Published or otherwise available?

        • The Wanderer

          Available on the Spontoon Island website, as you see. There’s quite a few great stories there. My long-running Luck of the Dragon (2003-present; 244 chapters) is there.

          • SkinlessGenderlessMan

            Apparently, after a day at work, I’m not bright enough to follow the provided link. In my defense, it was a reply to “pics or it didn’t happen”….

          • The Wanderer

            No worries. I come home frazzled from the lint mines, more often than not.

          • SkinlessGenderlessMan

            “My God, it’s full of stars puns….”

          • The Wanderer

            Yes! Yes, it is. And loaded with cultural references to movies, songs, people, etc.

  • marxalot

    Good news, everyone! I didn’t have a leak in my wall. I had six leaks, and they are all fixed now. Today they should patch my drywall, clean my carpet, and move my fridge back into place (no, I don’t know why they moved that, the fridge wasn’t involved). And I really hope they spray bleach on everything inside that wall before they seal it up, because yikes. I took pictures.

    • h4rr4r

      You want a longer lasting antifungal like Concrobium.

      • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

        ps, is your user name a reference to Professor Huffurufurrh?

        • h4rr4r

          Nothing that cool.

          • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

            It should be though!!

  • Picabo

    Today in history, July 26, 1948 President Truman issues Executive Order No. 9981 Desegregating the Military.
    https://www.trumanlibrary.org/anniversaries/desegblurb.htm

    • Jeffocaster in the West

      Ironic, eh? But he probably THE FUCKFACE did it on purpose.

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        This is the Moran who believed that Frederick Douglas was still alive and didn’t know that Lincoln was a Republican. Bannon might have done it but not Trump.

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        I bet it was Bannon’s suggestion.

        • Sedagive ’em Hell

          I thought that as well, but the internets are saying that it was President Pence’s doing.

          I’m sure President Bannon wished he’d beaten Pence to the punch.

      • Joe Beese

        The reporting is that it was a hasty move to preserve funding for The Big Beautiful Wall.

        The segregation “fuck you” was just gravy.

  • Alan

    Improve access and lower cost. How novel.

  • sgt. jmk of the résistance

    I find myself saying this a lot these days… but holeeee Mother of Murgatroyd.

    https://twitter.com/tribelaw/status/890350401844682752

    • Shanzgood

      Holy crap.

    • mancityRed6

      only if we, as a nation, can get behind him.
      with votes.

      • DrBigHead

        I’ll only get behind him if he is staring into the depths of the Grand Canyon. Then I will vote him into the abyss

    • Doug Langley

      Fine. Let’s put him on Mt Rushmore!

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nPeH0w6ZXZM

    • Christopher Story

      I’ve been saying that they need a paintball target at Mt Rushmore for years

      • OutOfOrbit

        liquified pigshit in paint balls!

        • sgt. jmk of the résistance

          I’ve heard there are whole lakes of that stuff to use!!

    • Canis Greyhame

      What? He is just asking. It’s a joke, you see. Like when he said he doesn’t actually like babies, or that he would try to ban muslims. Har harrr! It’s not a serious proposition, like all the times he promised to drain the swamp.

    • Ryan Denniston

      He did get the largest inauguration crowd in history. Period. Also too, he’s beleaguered by the deep state everywhere he goes.and is completely powerless.

      • Shanzgood

        Isn’t “deep state” another term for the swamp he was supposed to drain?

        • Ryan Denniston

          Nope. The Deep State is the part of government that politely reminds Herr Twittler that the government is ours, not his.

          • Shanzgood

            Oh, got it! Thanks!

          • Carpe Vagenda

            Well, after the FBI kept their thumb on the scales for two years or so to get him elected.

          • Three Finger Salute

            Hair Twitler*

        • Richard Jokes

          I’ve taken it to mean the lifetime civil servants whose work is less swayed by the changing tides of elected officials.

    • Joe Beese
    • Beanz&Berryz

      Well, maybe he does, but it would be unkind to leave him up there for the next 3.5 years or for someone to push him off, even with votes.

      • Swampgas_Man

        Memories of North By Northwest.

        • Beanz&Berryz

          Sub an A-10 for dramatic effect.

    • IdiokraticDrumpfenResistance
      • Richard Jokes

        That first one is hilariously accurate as to his hair situation.

        “Washington couldn’t even hide his bald spot! Sad! We need a president with self respect!” POTUS

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      Close. I think Mount Rushmore belongs on him.

    • armed_bears

      I’d say ‘yes’, provided they use duct tape to do it.

  • Royal Ugly Dude

    Surprise! Half of Trump voters believe he won the popular vote:
    http://www.politico.com/story/2017/07/26/trump-clinton-popular-vote-240966

    • Alan

      Sounds right. Half of the voting age population voted. Half of those were idiots and half of those are completely brain dead. So we’re under 15% which I find encouraging.

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        These are also the same people who believe that chocolate milk comes from brown cows.

        • Three Finger Salute

          And Joan of Arc was Noah’s wife, and Trudeau is Castro’s son, and Obama is a Muslim Marxist from a village in West Kanye…

        • Alan

          Sounds about right.

    • BadKitty904

      So, 50% of America’s morons think…

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      They also thought he’d make a good President, so I wouldn’t put anything past them.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Because they don’t understand that “electoral college” thing. How else could he win?

    • jesterpunk

      So they are saying half of Trump’s base are morons?

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Plus Caitlyn Jenner

    • Christopher Story

      The basket of deplorables. Even their math skills are deplorable.

    • cheetojeebus

      so approx 12% of the population?

    • Shanzgood

      He won the majority of LEGAL votes, they think.

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        ‘Legal’ meaning ‘for a Republican.’

    • Joe Beese

      Well, we already knew they were stupid.

    • norcalOG

      Well, their was at lest 17 mileon elegal votes in Calephorna alone. Peple out their mix all kind of foreun food togeer. So watt do you spect.

    • Delu

      They will still believe that he is pro LGBT even after today.

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      New poll: 50% of Trump supporters are as stupid as the other 50%.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Distracting from today’s fail-a-palooza is going to call for some serious 3AM twitter bullshit. Airstrikes against North Korea? Declaration that Obama is now an Enemy of the Revolution? Barron’s appointment to the Supreme Court? “Accidental” nude pics of Melon? Of Ivanka? Of Jeff Sessions?

    • SisterArtemis

      God please no nudes of sessions *shudder*

      • OutOfOrbit

        aw come on be fun to point & laff at his donkey dick

        • redarmyzombie

          I sincerely doubt it’s anything remotely like an equines schlong…

          • OutOfOrbit

            them little tree-dwellers can surprise

    • Raan

      Barron would be more sympathetic to people than Gorsuch.

    • wait! what?
      • Richard Jokes

        Thank God this was not what I was expecting.

      • Delu

        This was the one where Elmer Fudd was going “Kill the wabbit! Kill the wabbit!”

        • wait! what?

          …poor wittle bunny…

        • Raan

          “What’s Opera, Doc?”

      • Ωbjectifier

        O Bwoonhilda, you’re so wovwey.

        • Komsumverweigerer Ron

          ‘Yes, I know it, I can’t help it.’
          STILL cracks me up after all these years.

    • Covfefe

      I’ve been away for four hours. What is this shit? Did this stuff really happen? Please?

  • Ryan Denniston

    OMG. I don”t know how I talked myself into watching More TP Daily, but do yourselves a favor. Assume it was Andy Lack and avoid the program. Even without Tweety, it’s awful.

  • IdiokraticDrumpfenResistance
  • Joe Beese

    For those Health Care Legislation Blues.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e7fVVpnLZ8c

  • Changeling, nonbinary Duderino

    I understand a lot of the reasons, but I still wonder why the US’s second largest “faith group” has so little influence and is so rarely a part of the political discussion. They are a large voter group after all.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/7f2ee72a97010c53e8962cdee6a0c3e2648888255f0ca147bbf9ed85b0d441af.png

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Because Christians are persecuted by Starbucks?

    • Ryan Denniston

      You’re forgetting how Happy Holidays damages their calm, depresses their vote.

    • Changeling, nonbinary Duderino

      IN AMERICA WE BELIEVE IN GOD!
      …and crickets.

      Is it because if you’re godless, you are not moral and should keep quiet about it?
      Is it because our very existence offends believers and speaking about it makes you “militant” and rude? I’m trying to understand it.
      Here it’s a faux pas to bring your religious views into politics. I think it’s ok if it affects your policies. But this is different.

      • Courser_Resistance

        Christian dogma says that there is no morality outside of God/Christ dictated morality. Otherwise we’d be nothing but animals.

        …yeah, it’s totally insane. But I’ve been told more than once that there are no morals without God/Christ.

  • SisterArtemis

    I know, Klinger wasn’t trans, but hey, he had style (of a sort), guts, and did his damn job. And I bet the same thinking that leads to things like Trump’s tweet would oust Klinger as well.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/8de68f59b553ba25a6292ebf58ae7fd657079f4325ed5f74928f8f363cb6e634.png

  • BadKitty904

    Another day, another Republican Congressional clusterfuck, and America is spared once more from Trumpcare and…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lnslb47YJcU

    • wait! what?

      No!

      A rich doctor!

      • BadKitty904

        The AMA has certainly been rather quiet during all this…

  • Joe Beese

    The GOP’s failure to cohere around a proposal is not an incidental problem. It is a fundamental and unsolvable one. Conservative dogma is wholly incompatible with the development of any health-care plan that is remotely acceptable to the public. The only solution in the face of this dilemma is to denounce Obamacare while promising something different and better to come along at a later date.

    The Republican Party has stuck to the strategic imperative of putting off its plan as unswervingly as the Russian empire pursued its goal of securing a warm water port. It is why Republicans never developed an alternative during the health-care debate that might have peeled away moderate Democrats. It is why their years of repeal votes always promised a replacement to come later. It is why their first and best plan after Trump’s election handed them power was a two-stage “repeal and delay.”
    The alternative to this endless farce is to admit the process of developing a Republican-only repeal and replace of Obamacare is a failure. It would be easy, almost trivially easy, to patch up the law and bring down premium costs — simply halting deliberate sabotage by the Trump administration would be enough. But this would admit that the party has spent eight years making promises that it could not fulfill. And a liar who is caught usually prefers to delay exposure as long as possible.

    http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2017/07/the-real-motive-for-the-skinny-bill-farce.html

    • mancityRed6

      let’s see, 6 years of total control (minus a couple of months? weeks? damn you Jeffords) and got a bunch of shit legislation passed. then they lost the senate, and the house, and the presidency right after that.
      they didn’t even get 6 years of “no”, they got two in the house, and six in the senate. (Ok, *grumbles*)
      the tea party and the freedom caucus and whatever else they want to claim, they have no idea how to govern.
      satan bless him, even Newt had at least some ideas. they were bad, but better than this horse shit.

  • Joe Beese
    • mancityRed6

      when’s he gonna quit?

      • Canis Greyhame

        Basically he’s the only thing standing between us and a constitutional crisis, since Trump can’t really fire Mueller as long as Sessions stays. … we’re so very fucked.

        • mancityRed6

          I’m just wondering how a Mueller firing would sit with the Republicans. would they take it?
          (serious question, not the fringe, but real Republicans)

          • eggs ackly-wright

            I’m afraid they would. Party before country.

        • Bub, the cynical zombie

          You are already in a constitutional crisis. The pot just hasn’t really started simmering yet.

          • Canis Greyhame

            Well true, but it can always get worse!

          • Bub, the cynical zombie

            Oh, it will…

    • Canis Greyhame

      Only a matter of time before the little fucker goes full Jim Crow.

    • Jenny

      Ugh…

    • TJ Barke

      Fucking scum.

    • Christopher Story

      The purity purge has begun.

    • Bozilingus

      What will it take to GOTV of all progressives? Remove voting rights from POC? Women? Non-property owners?
      There must be a tipping point. Let’s push the Repubs into doing their worst.

      • mancityRed6

        don’t let them be a candidate for the Dems unless they’ve actually been a member for one hot minute?

        • TJ Barke

          Don’t run a candidate subject to 30 years of character assassinations and cultural mockery…

          • mancityRed6

            at this point, I dunno who the dems have.
            Obama gave that great speech at the ’04 convention. everyone was saying it then, “next candidate”
            someone really needs to step up.

          • Three Finger Salute

            The Rock and Mark Zuckerberg, and even that’s not a done deal.

            We’re screwed.

          • TJ Barke

            I really don’t know, but I’m kinda hoping for Franken.

          • mancityRed6

            never happen. the attack ads would be horrendous.

          • Three Finger Salute

            And accept that America does not do well with demographic precedents. So-called “social issues” or the “culture wars” are going to rile people up. We need to focus on the economy. Trump is in office because enough people went batshit insane over a black guy. The possibility of a woman being in charge was the straw that broke the war elephants’ back. Either the Dems nominate the equivalent of Mister Rogers from here on forward, or they will continue to lose elections.

            Harris, Warren, even Franken (Jewish) would carry the same “coastal elite” states, while Trump and probably someone even worse than Trump (yes, it exists somewhere, just like Trump is worse than W and nobody thought that could ever happen) will carry the same giant blob of red as they did in 2016.

            Because even if people don’t vote for Trump — or for Republicans, for that matter – they’re still voting against a liberal, and against the party no matter what. Going all fuck-it-we’ll-do-it-live and nominating a WoC or non-WASP to stick it to the deplorables isn’t going to work.

            All of which assumes the planet will even exist in 2020 and we won’t all be dead in a massive global nuclear war.

    • Elendira

      Here we go again. Tuesday, it was Mexicans want nothing more to rape and kill white women. Today, Transgendered people are not worthy to serve our nation.

      As the healthcare debacle keeps stalling and getting worse and worse. Donald Trump and his Administration will more and more embrace the culture wars. Its only going to get worse and worse as they try to hide they political ineptitude, incompetent, and impotence.

      it has moved from Dog Whistling to Banshee Wailing

      So much winning!

  • mancityRed6

    it’s raining here, it’s nice.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Lucky. It’s 104 here.

      • mancityRed6

        the heat index got close to that yesterday. I don’t envy you.

        • CindyinEncinitas

          No comment.

    • Shanzgood

      It’s done here but still pleasant out. I’d sleep on my porch tonight except for the mosquitoes.

      • mancityRed6

        mosquito netting. it’s all the rage.

        • Courser_Resistance

          Wouldn’t be at all surprised if you could pick some up in the Walmart camping department

          • mancityRed6

            sadly, yes.

        • Exactly. I bought a hammock with a mosquito net cover but couldn’t use it when I went camping last year because the park had a rule of no ropes around the trees.

          The perfect location for a hammock really is under the deck off the back of the split level, if you don’t have a palapa next to the ocean. 👳

          • mancityRed6

            I might have to think about something like that for the fall.

          • Komsumverweigerer Ron

            No ropes around the trees, hmm? Not a problem. Big spikes and a BIG hammer.

      • hudson srinivasan

        do it. mosquito nets. there’s nothing like sleeping under the stars.

        • Shanzgood

          I can’t really see them at my house. Lots of big trees and I’m too close to downtown. It’s just so damn hot in the house without the AC for 3 days.

    • Courser_Resistance

      Fuck me. They keep promising rain for the west side of Denver, but we never fucking see more than 1/2 dozen drops. But the humidity and bad air? yeah, we got plenty ‘o dat. I’m going to get some weed for my whiny ass.

      • mancityRed6

        see? there is a good side

      • Well, at least you can pay only $15-25/g for wax. Where I’m @ they cost $100-120 🤑

        • Courser_Resistance

          I haven’t dabbled in concentrates other than my Pax and the occasional edible. I pretty much stick to flower.

          • $300-400/oz here. They want a profitable infrastructure in place. Ouch. I’m used to $200/oz back home

          • Courser_Resistance

            Eh, we’re probably between $200-$300/oz here, depending on what you buy. Most dispensaries offer frequent specials so it can go under $200. I generally buy 1/8ths which last me about a week. Top shelf is usually ~$45, but my shop often has kick-ass middle shelf stuff like Blue Dream for ~$35. Best lesson I’ve learned is that Top Shelf isn’t always your best buy. I’m pretty tight with the budtenders so they often steer me towards some real gems. I’m in every week and tip well :-)

    • Beanz&Berryz

      And it’s 86 here with humidity shooting up to 39%, but it’ll ease down into the 60s by morning. And I did see a mosquito too, a couple days ago.

      • mancityRed6

        saturday, I got up early. like 3 AM. it was 82 feeling like 87.
        at 3 AM.

        • Beanz&Berryz

          We had a day like that once a few years ago. Ugh.

  • Picabo

    Born on this date in 1943, Mick Jagger.

  • nightmoth

    Ewww–thx for that link to Georgia weirdo. Once again this state makes me want to glitter bomb it into the 21st century. But “snatch a knot in their ass”? I have never heard that before and I hope to never hear it again. I can think of several unpleasantries I would like to apply to Buddy Carter’s ass, however, once he pulls his head out of it.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      I commented that I too have never heard that particular turn of phrase.
      Might it have to go with cornholes? It would be irresponsible not to speculate.

      • nightmoth

        Heh-heh-heh! & Ewwww.

  • BadKitty904

    So, Americans like having healthcare. Who woulda thunk it?

    • hudson srinivasan

      mccain voted no for full repeal with no replacement.

      • mancityRed6

        he’s still the south side of a north moving cow.

        • hudson srinivasan

          lol

        • Wild Cat

          Rooting for Barcelona, I imagine, eh?

          • msanthropesmr

            We lOVe you Chelsea.

          • Wild Cat

            Ajax Rule! (Just don’t force me to drink that beer they serve!)

          • msanthropesmr

            I do believe it’s from the Netherlands, that there beer at Ajax stadium. (Which I have seen many times from the train – Hell, I even been in Eindhoven stadium)

          • Wild Cat

            Jupiter. I prefer Grolsch if I have to drink a local non-craft beer.

          • msanthropesmr

            I am a big fan of really cheap american Beer.

            I been to Weert so many times, I know where white asparagus comes from, and I like Advocaat. (Can’t do drop though….shudders.)

          • Wild Cat

            O wow. Our craft beers are so good, I rarely have a regular brew over here.
            But nothing is sadder than watching people drink 12 cents of Bud Lite selling for $12.50 in a 12-ounce cup at a sporting event here.

          • mancityRed6

            anyone but United or Liverpool.

          • msanthropesmr

            SPURS!

          • commatoes

            There is a great essay by Rushdie about being a long suffering Tottenham supporter. I do not follow any sports so I may be misinterpreting your crying of “SPURS!” as the rantings of a disconsolate sports fan.

          • NorthernSaber

            Will be interesting to see if they pick up where they left off in May- if they do it will be a dogfight at the top of the table with Man U. Meanwhile over on Tyneside, Newcastle are back up- don’t see them playing up with your side.

          • Wild Cat

            Well, you just got some early gratification.

      • Delu

        He wouldn’t have even needed to vote on such if he had voted no at the beginning of this shit

        • hudson srinivasan

          exactly. i for the life of me cannot understand why they have to reinvent the wheel, rather than fixing the problems with the existing law.

          • yyyaz

            Cuz Obama.

          • msanthropesmr

            BLACK! BLACK BLACK BLACK.

          • mancityRed6

            and Democratic, don’t forget.
            everything we believe is wrong to them.

          • msanthropesmr

            BUT MOSTLY BLACK

      • TootsStansbury

        He’s a dottering old fool who likes to showboat. Fucker inflicted Sarah Palin and by proxy Donald goddamn fucking Trump. Fuck his noise.

        • hudson srinivasan

          as doc noted:
          No fanfare, no drama, no big speech pretending to be more principled than the rest of the Senate Rs — she just was more principled.

      • TJ Barke

        Fuck it, I don’t care if he fucking has cancer, I’d vote that fucker right in the face if I had the chance.

        • msanthropesmr

          Not enough no fucks in the no fucing world.

    • Delu

      And Trumpians can’t pass any sort of healthcare bill, not even a repeal.

      Who woulda thunk it too?

      • BadKitty904

        Given their Congress is composed of poo-flinging monkeys, who can’t govern themselves, much less their owners or the nation, I woulda thunk it.

        • Delu

          And who woulda thunk it that Americans would re-elect this bunch of poo-flinging monkeys to their current positions (as well as a King Shitgibbon to the Presidential office)?

          Actually I did thunk this…

          • BadKitty904

            There’s growing evidence Americans didn’t.

          • Delu

            You don’t say….

          • BadKitty904

            I do. Often!

    • commatoes

      Similarly Trumpsters like having healthcare. It’s the undeserving that they think should get the shaft.

      • BadKitty904

        And Republicans get to decide who is “deserving” and who is “undeserving”?

        • commatoes

          Exactement!!!

          • BadKitty904

            Fuck that noise.

  • Joe Beese

    At the Pentagon, the first of the three tweets raised fears that the president was getting ready to announce strikes on North Korea or some other military action. Many said they were left in suspense for nine minutes, the time between the first and second tweet. Only after the second tweet did military officials receive the news the president was announcing a personnel change on Twitter.

    If anyone thinks this is tolerable, they’re just not people we should be listening to. This isn’t how a president should announce a policy change. It’s not how he should treat service members. It’s not a level of trust between the president and the Pentagon that is acceptable. It’s not a tolerable national security risk, since the North Koreans must have been wondering the same thing.

    It can’t be accepted. It must come to a prompt end.

    http://www.boomantribune.com/story/2017/7/26/161245/994

    • I read your post earlier today and came to the conclusion that top rank military are examining their constitutional duty tonight.

      • Shanzgood

        What does that mean?

        • It means that the military brass responsible for implementing a nuclear strike may be confronted by an order issued by tweet.

          Horrifying.

          • Shanzgood

            Jesus. There’s got to be some sort of protocol preventing that, right?

          • That’s what the brass is trying to figure out…..tonight.

      • Bozilingus

        Are we ready for the military to start running the government?

        • Komsumverweigerer Ron

          If Two Scoops decides that he needs to distract from Mueller’s investigation by lobbing ICBMs at Pyongyang, it might be the best immediate option.

    • Ωbjectifier
    • TootsStansbury

      Wait. Wut?

    • commatoes

      In a related story, the military is requisitioning massive quantities of Malox™ and Pepto-Bismol™.

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        Actually, I saw a tweet today where a Pentagon staffer was quoted as mocking, “so we’re getting our orders from Twitter now?”.

        • The Green Bastard

          Also, a reporter asked some other official abt it & the official just gave him a blank stare then started laughing.

          • Ω cynmac will never surrender

            The official statement from the Pentagon was full of shade as well.

          • commatoes

            Difficult to resist after the last six months.

    • CindyinEncinitas

      So they would scramble on orders delivered via Twitter? WTF?

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Going home to powerwash my roof, for some reason. Keep up the seething. If I’m not back in 24 hours, avenge my death.

  • Baconzgood

    Watching the “Odd Couple” (from the 60s) then Fritz Lang’s “M” with Baconz Jr. and Ham Bone. Sometimes my sperms are cool…

    They bought me a corn beef sandwich from Smallman St. Deli too also.

    • msanthropesmr

      You could do a hella mashup.

      Hans Beckert is a Child Murderer. Felix is a closeted neat freak.
      Together, they’re the oddest couple around.

      • Wild Cat

        Peter Lorre in a Mets cap. Tony Randall cleaning up balloons . . .

        • msanthropesmr

          Bwilliant

  • jesuswasablack
    • msanthropesmr

      ONE OF MY FAVES.

    • mancityRed6

      that Rickenbacker though.

  • I prefer traditional Healthcare.

    “Which is why I get operated on by my barber” 😀
    http://brainblogger.com/wp-content/uploads/Lucas-van-Leyden-barber-surgeon.jpg

  • Red Bird

    Pants!

    • Christopher Story

      I will not, and you can’t make me!

    • msanthropesmr

      NO! No, pants.
      No, no pants.
      No, no, pants.
      No no pants.

      • TootsStansbury

        No pants no pants you’re the pants.

    • TJ Barke

      Spoon! What’re we talking about?

      • Red Bird

        It just felt right.

        • msanthropesmr

          PANTS NEVER FEEL WRIGHT>

          • Red Bird

            But I wear them out of spite.

          • msanthropesmr

            I do it every night
            It makes the flies not bite

            INTO THE AIIIIIIIIR

          • Red Bird

            That was beautiful.

          • msanthropesmr

            Thank Frank Zappa

          • Red Bird

            Thank you, Frank Zappa.

      • msanthropesmr

        EVIL IS AFOOT ARTHUR!

        • TJ Barke

          American Maid?

          • msanthropesmr

            I’m more like Die Fliedermaus, actuallly.

          • CindyinEncinitas

            I like bats. They’re cute and they eat mosquitoes.

          • msanthropesmr

            I do one of those things. It’s not be cute.

          • CindyinEncinitas

            Recipes or GTFO.

          • msanthropesmr

            You can’t gather enough organically to make sense for home consumption, so I prefer not to at all – the factory bought are so declasse.

          • eggs ackly-wright

            Gotta have at least a heapin’ full cup to make skeeter quiche.

        • BadKitty904

          RESURGAM

    • commatoes

      I have been told by the local constabulary that i must.

      I do BUT UNDER PROTEST.

    • BadKitty904
    • eggs ackly-wright

      When I was a kid, pants was a verb.

  • Picabo

    Born on this date in 1895, Gracie Allen. Goodnight Gracie.

    • msanthropesmr

      Hello, sailor.

    • OutOfOrbit

      “Goodnight and goodluck.”
      –Edward R. Murrows

      • theCryptofishist

        All the ships at sea?

        • yyyaz

          That was douchewad Walter Winchell. Played to perfection by Burt Lancaster in “Sweet Smell of Success.”

    • Red Bird

      30 years after the end of slavery. For perspective.

      • yyyaz

        I do this weird thing when I watch silent films: find the oldest actor/actress and see how many were old enough to have remembered Lincoln’s assassination. I’m always surprised by how many were.

        • Red Bird

          Yep. It’s kind of weird. At most of my grandparents were alive during the last part of the 19th century though not in North America.

  • chascates
    • OutOfOrbit

      not w/o a synopsis

  • Ω cynmac will never surrender

    Alright, I’m from Georgia and I’ve never heard “snatch a knot in their ass” before. Buddy Carter, whatta raconteur!

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    What the fuck is wrong with Stephanie Ruhle? Chiding Roland Martin for being disrespectful to TRUMP?!? Bullshit. Martin was spot on. And Donnie has never done one goddamn thing in his life to earn anyone’s respect:

    There was a kerfuffle on the set of Velshi and Ruhle as Roland Martin suggested that Donald Trump is addicted to rallies, and included the words “crackhead” and “crack” in his description.
    ROLAND MARTIN: That’s his crack, to it. He’s a crack head when it comes to —
    STEPHANIE RUHLE: Okay — hold on. Roland — hold on a second. Roland, hold on —
    MARTIN: Follow me here.
    RUHLE: We’re talking about being respectful. This is the president — >> hold on — this is President of the United States. If you want to say he’s an adrenaline addict, that is fine. You’re not going to say it’s his crack.
    MARTIN: That’s his fix.

    • CripesAmighty

      In the context of any exchange of any kind involving Donald Trump, the term ‘respecful’ is rendered inoperative.

      • yyyaz

        As is every form of its root.

    • TJ Barke

      It’s fucking ridiculous. He’s on coke, like most rich assholes.

    • mancityRed6

      he should have just quoted DJT in all his “glory”

    • Rick Hill

      I’ve thought that for a long time, that it can be addictive. Think about Jordan, when he was playing and everything was so smooth. He was feeling a rush just from doing what he does, so well. Top it off with the rush from having a crowd cheer and feed that rush. Same thing with a band that really played well, like…Idk, The Dead. When they were touching the tail of the dragon, when there were ten thousand hippin, flippin, whoopin freaks digging how they were playing…it had to be one of the ultimate experiences. donnie, now, has turned it towards evil but, yes. It’s his drug.

    • Alan

      I thought respect was earned. He’s a fucking idiot who ran as a joke and has no more qualifications or competence than my dog who would at least not make an ass out of himself because no thumbs. He’s made the whole thing one big fucking joke.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        After the Boy Scouts, anything you call him is fair…

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        Any respect Donnie has ever received has been purchased, one way or another.

        • Rick Hill

          Yet not paid for by him

  • aureolaborealis

    A little sexy man action to ease the tension:

    https://youtu.be/tAeKi4Mm0x8?t=19s

  • jowgajen
    • yyyaz

      So does Pops.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        Lawdy mercy.

    • TJ Barke

      Spay and neuter your cats.

    • tehbaddr

      And that’s what happens when you decide to have a “litter”!

  • mrFawkes

    I’m doing a housesit/renovation for a few months and the first thing I notice in the new neighborhood is most of the neighbors have U.S flags displayed. I just make the connection that they are all trump supporters and will avoid socializing. Am I off-base or knee-jerking?

    • TJ Barke

      Tough call. I suggest research and reconnaissance.

      • mrFawkes

        The car bumpers are free of stickers. A few NRA and military insignia though.

        • msanthropesmr

          Military != asshat

          • TJ Barke

            Not necessarily.

          • msanthropesmr

            asshat ∈ military
            Asshat != military
            military != asshat

          • armed_bears

            Argh! The maths! They burn!

          • mrFawkes

            That’s a tough call. Years back, I put a USMC sticker on my car just so the cops would treat me as an ally. But, times have changed and LEO often view a car with military decals as a threat because of PTSD and paramilitary bs.

          • Three Finger Salute

            Which is odd considering a lot of cops are themselves ex-military. Part of “bringing the war home” — literally.

          • Toomush_Inferesistance

            Try Jesus stickers….cops do not want you to evangalize them…

        • TJ Barke

          NRA stickers is a giant fucking giveaway. There is no fucking liberal out there, no matter how much they love guns (Yo, I do) that’s gonna want anything to do with the NRA.

    • msanthropesmr

      Knee jerking. Watch for rebel flags, thin blue line flags, and Nazi flags.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      I fly our flag on Federal holidays as a purposeful not surrendering of the flag to the RWNJs. Daily flying might be something different, also to if it’s left out there improperly all the time as a limp rag it usually means what you’re thinking.

      • theCryptofishist

        All that love of the flag bs, and they don’t shine a light on them at night. I bet they throw the old ragged ones away instead of burning them.

    • Bananas Foster

      Depends where you are. My liberal Oregon neighborhood has lots of flags.

      There are sane people in the military.

    • Yr. Gma

      Gpa is a card-carrying liberal and always puts the flag out on patriotic days.

    • Left Coast Tom

      Not many flags in my neighborhood, but my next door neighbor always has a US flag out on federal holidays. They’re Mormon, and Republicans as you’d expect, but most Mormons aren’t very fond of L’il Donnie.

    • Alan

      Neither, you’re most likely correct. People who go out of their way to pronounce their patriotism don’t really know what that even means. Generally.

    • armed_bears

      Off base.

    • tehbaddr

      Unless it’s upside down, they are “true patriots”. Need I say more?

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      You must have missed the part where Dems took the flag back last July. Now we have mom and apple pie, too!…

    • commatoes

      GOP claim patriotism. There is no need to cede it to them willingly.

      Though I would recommend avoiding anything with cut off sleeves or those weigh lifter “baggies”. Oh and anything with an obnoxiously prominent bald eagle.

  • jaspersdad

    I’m too lazy to scroll through a thousand comments to see if anyone posted this yet.

    https://youtu.be/BROaQg5pDhs

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      I was too lazy to scroll through ten minutes…

    • commatoes

      Trae is the man. He and his comedy partners’ book was a good read.

      Posted this above too but any kudos I can send to Trae are worth it.

      • jaspersdad

        I always have to watch twice because I’m laughing too hard to get all the details.

        • commatoes

          IT HITS!!! SKEEEW!!!

  • Nounverb911
    • Canis Greyhame

      Nailed it!

    • TootsStansbury

      This week has really done a number on me, that’s for sure. I am beyond furious.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        I resemble that remark…

  • msanthropesmr

    Even though Drake’s Cakes are goyish, I will now eat a “Funny Bone”. NOMONOMMNOMONOMOMNOM

  • Anna Rompage

    Thank god that shit show of rush hour is over…

    Seriously, traffic was so bad today, I thought we might have nuked New Zealand, just to show N Korea we mean business…

  • Nounverb911
    • armed_bears

      This will end well.

    • TJ Barke

      The man whose policies fucking wrecked Kansas? Sure, reward him.

    • Delu

      Reward for his “loyalty” I see.

      Brownback should be careful about accepting Trump’s favors, for Trump, loyalty is a one way street. One only needs to look at Jeff Sessions to see the truth of this.

      • Christopher Story

        But Brownback types look at that and think, “I won’t make the same mistakes and everything will be fine.”

    • mancityRed6

      well, he already gave a position to Perry, he had to give something to the moron who would get on his knees for him.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      “Ambassador at Large for International Religious Freedom?” Wonderful. Why not nominate someone to be Ambassador at Large for Ignorance and Superstition while you’re at it?

      Oh, wait…

    • CripesAmighty

      Lord Sam and the Knights Templar. Wonder how big the budget request for stakes and broad Axes?

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      I hate to have to ask this, but… seriously?

    • Shanzgood

      Fuck

      • Christopher Story

        Failing upward is the theme of this presidency.

  • BreakingDeadMen

    I saw Trump and Sessions are no longer talking to each other. What piece of ’70’s soft rock is perfect for that?

    • msanthropesmr

      Rainy days and Mondays always get me down.

      • Red Bird

        True confession: I loved The Carpenters when I was young. And Donnie and Marie. And ABBA. Their music always seemed to be on the radio.

        • Toomush_Inferesistance

          It’s okay. Let it out….

          • Red Bird

            OK! I also had a thing for John Travolta. But I didn’t like KISS. At all. I bought all of those chewing gum packets with the trading cards so I could make the full Greese movie poster. My favorite movies were the Planet of the Apes movies. I had the toy tree house. I didn’t like the first Star Wars. But I liked the second one and had the toy Princess Leia. I watched Wonder Woman religiously. And thought I was going to marry Steve Austin when I grew up. I remember watching the Hobbit cartoon on TV when they would replay it. I’m probably the only person who didn’t like it enough to read the books. But most of all I grew to dislike bell bottom pants, even when they were rebranded as flares. Do not like. Thanks for listening.

          • Toomush_Inferesistance

            That’s better….

        • Ω cynmac will never surrender

          The music holds up better 40 years later, better than I thought it would at the time.

    • mancityRed6

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HfWVn0GF48Q
      “if you like busting pot heads, and have a Russian thing”

      • BreakingDeadMen

        This is the farce

      • yyyaz

        Somehow I don’t think either can relate to a penis colossus.

    • msanthropesmr

      Knock three times on the ceiling.

    • msanthropesmr

      The first time ever I saw your face.

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        No. No. No. Roberta Flack Libelz!11!1@!!

        • msanthropesmr

          Ain’t my fault you gotta get lovesick during the quiet storm.

          • Ω cynmac will never surrender

            True Story – Blue Lights in the Basement was my favorite album when I was 15. I wore it out.
            And a better song for Trump/Sessions? Making Love.

          • Ω cynmac will never surrender

            Since 1977, baby.

    • Anna Rompage
      • BreakingDeadMen

        This is the tragedy

    • msanthropesmr

      Rock the Boat by the Hughes corporation, so funky, they had to incorporate in two states, and Delaware wasn’t even one of them.

      • BreakingDeadMen

        too funky for those two.

    • msanthropesmr

      That horrible Carly SImon/James Taylor duet which I shall not name.

      • yyyaz

        And I shall not mock you for not doing so.

        • Komsumverweigerer Ron

          Someone should flip you the bird for that.

          • yyyaz

            Diamond ring or GTFO.

    • msanthropesmr

      Summer BReezzee

    • Red Bird

      It’s from 1969 but still counts as 70’s, right?
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4NdsnFZm0X4

      • BreakingDeadMen

        They don’t deserve Joni.

        • Red Bird

          Maybe, but the song is applicable.
          Also, too, Joni was voted the best female song writer of the rock era.

          • Three Finger Salute

            I lost count of how much winning Canada has already done.

          • BreakingDeadMen

            Popular or electoral?

      • BreakingDeadMen

        Have you ever heard this version:
        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8DrRnI-1Ssg

        • Three Finger Salute

          “I’ve looked at regrets from both sides now”

          -The people posting on Are You Sorry Yet

        • Red Bird

          I like they way his is singing but whoever chose the music to accompany him was off. Never knew this existed. Thanks.

          • BreakingDeadMen

            Our local jazz station plays a mostly Sinatra show on Sundays, I had never heard it until they played it on there a couple months ago.

    • yyyaz
      • BreakingDeadMen

        I LOVE THAT SONG

    • JustDon’tSaySortMyBalls

      Sorry seems to be the hardest word

      • BreakingDeadMen

        Yes.

    • Ωbjectifier

      Not 70’s but obligatory nonetheless.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ

    • georgiaburning

      Captain and Tenille – Love will Keep Us Together

      • BreakingDeadMen

        They kinda look like muskrats to me, hmm….

      • BreakingDeadMen

        Muskrat Donnie and Muskrat Jeff.

    • Wanton Wonton

      Eric Carmen – All By Myself

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender
  • Trump, like a hot air baloon pilot in distress, is throwing the LGBTQ soldiers and citizens overboard to stay afloat.

    What a disgusting person.

    • Delu

      But completely in character.

      From start to end, the only thing that matters, above all else, to Trump is Trump.

      What he’s doing now is staying true to that.

  • Paperless Tiger

    This Republican government is like a game show: Who You Think is Gonna Get the Shaft Today?
    Immigrants, minorities, working class Joe, 20-30 million health care took away?

    • TJ Barke

      Aot,k.

    • Count Awesome

      Jeff Sessions?

  • ⭐️Most Accurate Poster 2017⭐️
    • Edith Prickly

      Up next: fat chicks and disabled children.

    • armed_bears

      Poor Onion. We live in post-reality America, and they are now just another news source.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      The Onion nails it as per usual.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • TJ Barke

      Jaspersdad posted it 8 minutes ago.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        So?

        • TJ Barke

          So he shoulda scrolled down.

          • alpacapunchbowl

            Because no one in the history of Wonkette has ever posted a link that someone already posted.

          • TJ Barke

            Only 8 minutes prior. I’d forgive it if it was an hour before, or even half an hour…

          • alpacapunchbowl

            I saw that you are recovering from tooth surgery and I’m sorry you’re in pain, but your post was unnecessarily rude. Our community is better than being shitty to a fellow wonker for no reason.

          • TJ Barke

            Uh, you’re the one getting all weird about it.

    • commatoes

      Trae is the man. He and his comedy partners’ book was a good read.

  • Nounverb911
    • BadKitty904

      Actually, Spicer looks much better in pink. I am, however, surprised that he’s letting Rick Perry, a notorious bottom, lead…

  • Jennifer R

    Hey all you (non wonkette reading obviously) respectability queers: Notice how it took like, 8 hours for you to be tossed under the bus with us? Wanna let us into the “are people and have rights too” party yet?

    • Delu

      We may possibly see more of them here:

      http://www.areyousorryyet.com/

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        New batch today. I read the site yesterday because I needed a shot of shadenfreude.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      If’n they don’t, wanna crash it anyway?

    • DirtyHippyLiberal

      I don’t know what “respectability queers” means? Should I be firing up the google machine?

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        I think they be the ones who are LGB, but really don’t want to let the T’s into the club because they’s icky or somesuch.

        • DirtyHippyLiberal

          Oh. Well fuck that. That’s even a thing? Pfft. Fuck them queens, girl…I’ll sit by you.

        • Three Finger Salute

          What’s the “U” in the QUILTBAG? “Undecided”?

      • Jennifer R

        Generally cis gay males (who are often white and well off) who say that trans people are too far out for people to accept and that the greater GLB rights movement should jettison us off so their rights are easier to get.

        • DirtyHippyLiberal

          Yeah, no. They don’t get to decide. Again, there’s seats over here that you are welcome to as we fight this shit together. No one is free until we all are free.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Are you calling out the Log Cabin? Cuz Caitlyn got spanked all over the Internet today.

      • Jennifer R

        Even leftie cis gays treat us badly. Human Rights Campaign famously fucked us over a handful of years ago.

        • Ω cynmac will never surrender

          Yeah, that’s when I stopped giving them money. The kid identifies as gender queer.

      • Joe Beese

        A fellow Wonketeer called her a “bitch” this morning. Which was oddly touching.

  • OutOfOrbit

    discovered in dicktionary: “snatch” and “snapper” on same page

  • Michael R
    • Delu

      America that was your President THEN.

      https://www.vox.com/policy-and-politics/2017/7/26/16028384/trump-sessions-loyalty

      America, THIS is your President now!

      • Three Finger Salute

        “This is your presidency on meth. Any questions?”

        • Delu

          Well if you vote while you’re on meth you get……

          • Three Finger Salute

            Breaking Bigly?

    • Count Awesome

      So manly!

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Well isn’t that fitting!

    • yyyaz

      Needs to be tattooed in Braille on Ivanka’s tits.

      • Count Awesome

        Her tits aren’t big enough or good enough for it though.

        • Ω cynmac will never surrender

          They are plastic enough though.

        • Beanz&Berryz

          A Trump stamp!

          • Count Awesome

            That would be a tattoo of Donald’s face right above her ass crack.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            He’d prefer it 1/2 way down

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      Pfft. RINO.

      • Three Finger Salute

        “I don’t like his mustache” -Trump

        • yyyaz

          Wears glasses too. Weak. Loser.

    • CripesAmighty

      Too many werds. Where’s mah sammich?

      • Michael R

        Try the chocolate cake .

        • CripesAmighty

          Caaaaaake…

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      “brainless Trump followers” is repetitive and redundant.

  • BadKitty904

    As M. Ambassador noted earlier, this lil’ tidbit was kinda lost in the coverage of the latest Republican clusterfuck:

    State Department Head of Diplomatic Security Resigns
    https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/josh-rogin/wp/2017/07/26/state-department-head-of-diplomatic-security-resigns/?utm_term=.cb5f113860c5

    So, just as a reminder when (not if) it happens…

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/0dd4dd5c11df9d85d0191268ee88fa5f7c32fd3615ee01c995b7d0aaba538461.jpg

    • Paperless Tiger

      Talk about choosing your battles.

    • Count Awesome

      Imagine if 9/11 happened on Obama’s watch.

    • Delu

      Their excuse would be that they were not Americans (I believe that SOME of the casualties were indeed American) or “there was no Ambassador among them” (which would make a difference how?).

      I’ve actually seen the first excuse given before.

      • BadKitty904

        Jebus H…

    • jesterpunk

      Jared can handle it.

      • BadKitty904

        With all the success and professionalism he’s handled the rest of the current “Administration’s” fuckery…

        • jesterpunk

          Hey he just forgot to book some kind of after dinner entertainment one time and they had to bomb a country.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    Uh-oh, Heller just lost his cover. Either he betrays his patrons for 2018 or he loses a very important piece of support in 2018.

    https://twitter.com/RalstonReports/status/890363472877240322

    • Left Coast Tom

      You mean Nevada might join California in having two Democratic Senators after 2018?

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        If they can unite behind a candidate, it’s possible. Problem is it already looks like there will be a primary fight.
        The Reid Machine (or what remains of it) is backing Rep. Jacky Rosen. She’s a freshman congresswoman, so the big knock against her is that it looks like she’s only interested in climbing upward. Plus some of her positions in the last campaign earned her some enemies within the state caucus.
        The insurgent campaign seems to be Rep. Dina Titus. Titus is a veteran legislator, but she’s not well-liked outside of Las Vegas and in her last statewide election she lost to Jim Freakin’ Gibbons (I worked on her team, and that was terrible because Gibbons ran an awful campaign).

  • Left Coast Tom

    Once again we find ourselves wondering
    what the heck Alaska Senator Lisa Murkowski is doing in the Republican
    Party after all the crap she gets from Republicans.

    As far as I can tell she’s a Republican because she wants to destroy as much of the Alaskan landscape as possible.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      That seems like enough reason to be Republican. They don’t all want to burn down all of civilization, too.

      • TJ Barke

        None of them want to burn down civilization, just make civilization as repressive as possible.

        • Left Coast Tom

          Yeah, but that’s the part where L’il Donnie is denouncing her for insufficient enthusiasm.

  • Anna Rompage

    And now for something completely different!

    He was a hairy bear
    He was a scary bear…

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b1cd320a0fb77febd5f2439834072a131f233b15e1c14d89798553ce32ee719d.jpg

  • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

    Cliven Bundy follower gets 68 years for role in armed Nevada standoff http://www.rawstory.com/2017/07/cliven-bundy-follower-gets-68-years-for-role-in-armed-nevada-standoff/

    • TJ Barke

      A shame more of his conspirators aren’t joining him.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Another was convicted “by the same jury” (prolly the same trial) but for some reason will be sentenced separately. A total of 17 of these morons are being tried.

    • Count Awesome

      I bet it only counts if it’s from a sovereign court.

      • Left Coast Tom

        He should explain that to his prison guards. I bet they enjoy hearing that sort of thing.

        • Count Awesome

          They’ve heard it all before.

    • BadKitty904

      Good.

    • ⭐️Most Accurate Poster 2017⭐️

      Haha, they took one year off so he didn’t even get to say “nice”.

    • Wild Cat

      Fuck yeah! May he rot.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      One down, 16 to go. Expect to see a whole lot of desperate plea-bargaining. Also expect to smell 16 pair of shit britches right about now.

  • Picabo

    When I see a Republican stand up to Donnie Two Scoops or vote against the Rethug agenda, I am reminded of Lieutenant Colonel Nicholson in “The Bridge on the River Kwai.” But in the end, they don’t blow the bridge. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/81ecef33095e1e8149b623676d88397d7a0ce56f6e5ce5cc3773879cb7ebdb83.jpg

    • Ωbjectifier

      Dear God, what have I done?

  • BadKitty904

    OT: In the midst of our ongoing national nightmare, Florida continues to do its bit to lighten America’s mood with its unique approach to Reality…

    Florida Bank Robber Gets Naked After Dye Pack Explodes on Clothes, Police Say
    Sperber told a special agent that when he woke up Tuesday morning, he “decided to rob a bank, flee by running naked down the street while throwing the money stolen during the bank robbery to people, in order to begin his career as a comedian,” the FBI said.
    And during his flight on foot, that’s just what he did, according to court documents.
    Witness Drew Armstrong told WSVN Ch. 7 he saw Sperber but couldn’t really believe what his eyes were telling him.
    “And then this lady passed me and I asked her, ‘Was he naked?’ and she’s like ‘Yeah, he was naked.’”

    http://www.orlandosentinel.com/features/gone-viral/fl-sb-naked-bank-robber-20170726-story.html

    And, on that note, Wonklings, I’m off to supper…

    • Delu

      Sounds legit.

      • BadKitty904

        Heck, yeah.

    • Left Coast Tom

      Doesn’t Florida Man know he’s only supposed to rob Clothing Optional Banks?

    • Count Awesome

      Your move Texas.

    • OutOfOrbit

      Notice: Reality has been suspended intil further Notices apperear here.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      “In order to begin his career as a comedian.”
      Don’t miss his next gig, in 3-9 years.

    • ⭐️Most Accurate Poster 2017⭐️

      Not the hero we wanted, but the hero we need

      • BadKitty904

        FLORIDA: When the Going Gets Weird, the Weird Turn Pro.

  • paxpax

    OT – on the north side of Chicago into the near north burbs you still see the mix of Hillary / Bernie / Obama stickers. Today I was behind this on my way home from work. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/1bb99ee7c8c6130ddb40e2064e0f8d01baa9c6852a94fee44d973ea446950b46.jpg

    • BreakingDeadMen

      I would drive far away from that dolt.

    • Left Coast Tom

      I have not seen a Saturn car in so long…and I’m sure the “antique” value is $0.

      • FlownΩver

        What’s with the rake attached to the rear bumper? Hoping to scrape up abandoned IQ points?

        • Left Coast Tom

          I’m thinking this was taken through a front windshield and the rake is a reflection of the defroster vent of the photographing car.

        • paxpax

          I think rake is reflection of my own MAZDA 3 (thankyouverymuchjerry)

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        Saturns are amazing cars. I love my Saturn.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      Anyone who was too fucking witless to go out to their car the morning after the election with some warm water and a scraper to remove that crap deserves every keying they get.

    • Wild Cat

      No doubt it’s Don Rickett’s car . . .

    • Jenny

      That’s ok. I constantly see the same vegan lady during my morning commute. How do I know she is vegan? Because she has at least 20 bumper stickers proclaiming she’s a vegan on her ford fiesta!

      • Doug Langley

        Be nice. No doubt the stickers are all that’s holding it together.

        • Jenny

          That’s probably true.

        • Left Coast Tom

          That’s probably true for people who live within 0.5 mile or so of the coast here, as salt spray is murder on the cars of surfer folk.

    • cmd resistor

      Ok, I saw the strangest one the other day: 3 bumper stickers. “One big Human Family” – “Co-Exist” and “Trump-Pence.” I did not get a photo as it was on the interestates.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Trump names Sam Brownback “Ambassador at Large for Religious Freedumb”
    Seriously.

    • TJ Barke

      That is not a job that exists…

      • Left Coast Tom

        Way to break Kansans’ hearts!

        • FlownΩver

          Free at last, free at last…

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            I assume the Lt. Gubnor is no great improvement.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Head of the Office of International Religous Freedom within the State Department, charged with “promoting religous freedom as a key objective of U.S. foreign policy,” according to the State Department’s web site. The office monitors “religious persecution and
        discrimination worldwide, recommend and implement policies in respective regions or countries, and develop programs to promote religious freedom.”
        So that makes, what – two State Dept appointments? He’ll probably focus on persecution of Christians in the US.

        • TJ Barke

          Probably help xtians in developing nations enact laws that make it legal to kill gays…

          • 3FingerPete

            “Merry Christmas” is now a mandatory greeting. That and “Hail Trump!”.

          • Left Coast Tom

            Wait, I thought as a Californian I was required to greet people with “Fuck Trump”. Do I put “Merry Christmas” before, or after, “Fuck Trump”?

          • Ω cynmac will never surrender

            “Fuck Trump” always. “Merry Christmas and Fuck Trump” between Thanksgiving and New Years.

          • Left Coast Tom

            Shouldn’t I continue the “Merry Christmas and Fuck Trump” up to Advent? Or has L’il Donnie done away with liturgical calendars?

          • Ω cynmac will never surrender

            You could but everyone would look at you funny.

        • Count Awesome

          I sense moar bad comic books being published.

        • Left Coast Tom

          Wait…this means Kansans actually are rid of the dude? How are our celebrating Kansas Wonkers doing with the alcohol poisoning thing?

          • Shanzgood

            We’ve known he was term limited and can’t be Governor any more.

          • armed_bears

            Well sure… I mean, how much more is there for him to do? #MAKA!

          • Amy!

            You mean, can’t be elected Governor again. Not sure he ever actually filled the role of Governor. Chief Bath Attendant, perhaps, overseeing the prolonged death-by-drowning.

          • FlownΩver

            A prudent concern for aging livers would suggest we import our celebratory consumables from our neighbor to the west. The operative question, at least in LFK, is “How fast can we get high AF?

          • Shanzgood

            I would do it but I’m still job-hunting.

        • CripesAmighty

          In short, ‘Chasing down heretics for plunder and barbecue’.

        • Three Finger Salute

          Um, what happened to separation of church and state?

          Oh, right. Disregard that whole thing because DAMN COMMIES

      • Alan

        Could be now.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        It is. I begoogled it. It’s an actual thing- not even a Drumpf invention.

        • TJ Barke

          Oh come on, you’re pullin one over on me.

    • Count Awesome

      We need to find a “Sam Bareback” to be at an “Ambassador At Large For Sexual Freedom”.

      • Nina Hartley

        • TJ Barke

          I’d pray at her altar…

          • FlownΩver

            And verily, there was much kneeling among the multitudes.

          • TJ Barke

            More than once she’s brought me to “God”.

        • eggs ackly-wright

          Merle Michaels

    • 3FingerPete

      “Cause he sure doesn’t want to hang around Kansas any more than absolutely necessary, now.

      • Christopher Story

        I’m sharpening my voting stick for Brownback.

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      Separation of Church and something, something, what is that other thing?

    • jesterpunk

      Well thats one way to get him out of Kansas because he has done such a great job there.

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      Let us hope he does for the rights of Christianists what he did for the Kansas economy.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Dear fucking lord this is a real thing.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Chrisitianists take everything at face value. “No guys, this isn’t a cynical ploy to get more of your loyalty.”

      • commatoes

        I wonder how many young christian women are applying to be WH interns.

    • commatoes

      You’ve got to be shitting me.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    Yup, looks like it. Sell out a marginalized group for an insane ego project.
    https://twitter.com/RealDonalDrumpf/status/890371729746538497

    • Picabo

      The target is buggy – Malcolm Nance.

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      Two Scoops’d trade away the rights of US citizens to pay for a Diet Coke.

    • Count Awesome

      No me gusta el presidente. Muy malo.

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        !Claro que sí!

  • Picabo
    • SpideySenser

      You go grrl!

    • commatoes

      I’m sure she didn’t have heel spurs.

  • yyyaz

    Things You Don’t Want to See, Ever, Dept.: Suckabeast Sanders got a Pickle tickle live on the teevees today.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Oh great Cesar’s ghost, I don’t even want to go to the Googles to figure out what this references. Not enough preemptive brain bleach in stock.

    • Count Awesome

      If she got a real pickle tickle maybe she would smile more.

  • mrFawkes

    With all due respect, which is none, FUCK YOU DONALD TRUMP! Our “president” just announced that no transgender person will serve in any capacity in the armed services.- Carla Lewis
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a1f0b48a7659cd33f320e0619aea5ed30062bd04ed066ec4c7be98de199e1502.jpg

    • Delu

      Are they all tired of winning yet?

    • Count Awesome

      She probably fought for my right to party too, also.

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        You got to.