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Hey there Wonketariat! We’ve got a busy day ahead; we’re mainlining coffee so we can get you all the newses as fast as possible. Here’s some of the things we may be talking about today!

People are expecting the Senate to hold a procedural vote to open debate on killing Obamacare today, but the only certainty is that Mitch McConnell is serving up shit sandwiches.

Nobody is sure what exactly they’re voting on, but the six proposed plans we know about will kick millions of people off insurance.

WINGNUTZ John McCain is bouncing back to Washington for the vote because he’s a maverick, and he’s going to maverick all of everything with his maverick. And set the wheels in motion to take healthcare away from tens of millions, in a mavericky way.

John Bohner emerged from a tanning bed with a cigarette and a cocktail to take a shit over congressional Republicans attempts to kill Obamacare because “it’s been around too long” and people kind of like being able to go to a doctor.

Trump was up and tweeting way too fucking early this morning about all the things that make him butthurt and sad, like Jeff Sessions, acting FBI Director Andrew McCabe, and Hillary Clinton’s magical mystery murder mail.

Trump has been calling random people up and asking what would happen if he fired Jeff Sessions. Just, you know, Devil’s Advocate. No biggie.

The rumor mill on Capitol Hill is throwing all sorts of names around to replace Jeff Sessions. Ted Cruz is being floated, as is Rudy Giuliani, and even Newt Gingrich. Ewww….

Prince Kushner came down from his glass palace to throw stones and squeak at all the people saying he did uncouth things with Russians. It was all the Trumps, and Manafort, and one-armed man, and he didn’t know what he was doing!

Kremlin spox Dimitry Peskov says Prince Jared’s meeting with Russian banker Sergey Gorkov was totally normal, and the Kremlin didn’t even know about it, so move along ya’ lookie-loos.

A “majority of the majority” of Republicans are trying to drown the Pentagon in money, except fiscal conservatives and Democrats don’t really feel like violating the budget caps that make it illegal to dump hundreds of billions of Ameros into ‘splodey war machines.

Trump is about to crack down on all you useless hippie stoners, so you’d better hide your stash in an old VW van. His Task Force on Crime Reduction and Public Safety, led by Jeff Sessions, is expected to blame everything on illegal immigrants and marijuana.

Something is rotten in the state of politics, and Arnold Schwarzenegger is headed to SCOTUS to take out the trash as the Governator lobbies to end gerrymandering.

Last night Trump told a bunch of Boy Scouts to spite your rivals, say “Merry Christmas,” remember to never trust a Mexican and always grab as much pussy as possible while attending New York cocktail parties.

Trump’s pick for FBI Director, Christopher Wray, worked for Chris Christie on the BridgeGate scandal for almost a year before obtaining a mandatory retainer. It’s all really weird, but honestly, how many people would want to publicly admit they work with Chris Christie? The man makes Oscar the Grouch look like the Pope. [Morning Maddow]

Brian Benczkowski, Trump’s nominee for the Justice Department’s criminal division, once worked for Russia’s super sketchy Alfa Bank. It’s a good thing he got a waiver to talk about all the things he was sworn to never talk about, or something might look suspicious.

Mandatory drug tests are choking off the supply of workers for the few blue-collar jobs left in Middle America as the potential workforce is all doped out on opiates.

The mayors of major cities are eyeballing single-payer options as gun violence, drug addiction, and obesity draw serious concerns.

Maryland is quietly pushing progressive reforms to its healthcare system, and one gubernatorial candidate wants to take it all the way to statewide single-payer status.

Chinese businesses are getting super cozy with Iran, encouraging greater trade relations with Europe and other Middle Eastern countries now that the U.S. seems dead set on being stubborn.

The Noah’s Ark theme park guy, Ken Ham, is going full ham on “MEDIA AND BLOGGERS” who are “OUT OF CONTROL” for reporting about his tax dodging, and blaming godless atheists for the park’s lousy attendance.

Sean Hannity’s attempts to slut shame Jake Tapper on Twitter backfired when people began professing their love for Tapper and their hatred of Hannity.

And here’s your late night wrap-up! Stephen Colbert has a new impression of The Mooch; Seth Meyers took A Closer Look at Spicey and The Mooch; and The Daily Show thinks Trump is telling his Goldman Sachs appointees where to put their money bags

And here’s your morning Nice Time! Tiger Cubs! They’re so tiny!

We’re busting our butts to try and bring you all the newses we can, but we need your help and your Ameros! Well, mostly Ameros. Please!

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  • Nounverb911
  • Nounverb911
  • Nounverb911
    • Gayer Than Thou

      Pet peeve: people who write “this so-called healthcare ‘reform’ will wreck havoc on the nation’s working poor.”

      • I prefer ‘cry havoc’ myself.

  • Nounverb911
  • La forza del resistino

    After hearing Scoutmaster Donald’s speech last night, we have entered act 3 of The Caine Mutiny where Capt. Queeg misplaces his marbles.

  • dslindc

    17 years? ~dEmEnTiA~

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Sorry, but if Jeff Sessions is the only thing standing between us and AG Ted Cruz, Rudy Gulliani, or Newt Gingrich, I’ve gotta go with Sessions. That said, it’s like asking which way you’d prefer to be tortured to death.

    • dslindc

      Horrifying, isn’t it?

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        It’s even worse than I thought it would be after election day. And I thought it was gonna be fucking apocalyptic then.

    • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

      I’m torn. I’d LOVE to see backpfeifengesicht Cruz not be a senator any more. But if he’s not a Senator, then Beto O’Rourke can’t beat him next year, and that would give me a sad…Beto’s a very good guy, but I think he’ll have a tougher time here in Texas beating a rando Republican than he would against one of the most reviled human garbage bags around.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Hoping to see Beto with a bright future. He seems like a good guy.

        • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

          Even his campaign’s emails make me wish I could afford to give more to the campaign! (There are just enough of them, too…not so many as to seem like they’re CONSTANTLY at you, but enough to remind you they’re there and they could use a few Ameros.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            All the people I’ve know in my life with that Irish/Mexican heritage have been cool, including one of my neighbors a couple of doors down.

      • SadDemInTex

        Exactly what I was thinking! Gawd, it really is Catch 22

      • monoglot

        I would love to vote for a winning Democrat for senate in Texas.

        And while I was hoping a Castro would run against Cruz, I will happily mark X (or, in Trump Shorthand: MarX) for Beto.

    • therblig

      better the keebler grand dragon you know…

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        I can’t believe it’s come to this. I’m thinking a bona fide fucking white supremacist is our best alternative. We’re fucking doomed.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Cruz is a competent demagogue that will enslave us all, Giuliani is crazy and will get us all killed, Sessions is racist and will get us all deported, and Gingrich… Gingrich… Gingrich is holding out for director of NASA?

      • PubOption

        Shouldn’t Gingrich be with the owl in the Vatican? If he’s left on his own in the US, he might start ‘loving America too much’.

    • BadKitty904

      Except for the “like” part.

    • Paperless Tiger

      It’s a no-brainer. Not sure it matters much which no-brainer.

    • Longstreet63

      Just keep in mind that Cruz would be next on the fired list as AG, since literally everyone hates him who knows him. Trump ain’t that tolerant.

      • Skeptical_thinker

        I think Cruz’s college roommate was asked why everyone took an instant dislike to Cruz. He said, “It saves time”.

      • PubOption

        Trump doesn’t care about how loathsome his toadies might be, as long as they keep on toadying.

      • Maybe though Trumpy thinks he’s got the goods on Calgary Ted, in that, if he fails to obey, Trumpy can just leak the sex tapes of Ted’s dad being cornholed by Lee Harvey Oswald (which don’t exist except in Trumpy’s imagination, of course)

    • From Russia with Love

      They asked me which way I’d prefer to be tortured to death. I guess they ignored me, because this is taking an inordinate amount of time.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Yeah…that “drip, drip, drip” they talk about has more than one meaning, doesn’t it?

  • armed_bears
    • Gayer Than Thou

      Seriously.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Ted Cruz is being floated, as is Rudy Giuliani, and even Newt Gingrich.

    Ted Cruz is made out of wood? BURN HIM!!

    • dslindc

      Or is he a duck?

      • Msgr_MΩment

        He turned Rudy into a newt.

        • Serai 1

          Sadly, he has not gotten better.

  • Nounverb911
    • Ryan Denniston

      :(

    • dslindc

      They seem nice.

    • Opalescent Riddles

      Let’s speculate on the hand next to Sandy’s right ear.

      • Vincent Ricola

        What is that? It looks like Mooch has a baby arm?

        • Bozilingus

          Holding an apple?

      • From Russia with Love

        A snack for later?

    • therblig

      Agnes Gooch and The Mooch

      • lowenufc

        Leave Agnes Gooch alone! She is an unwed mother!

        • Nounverb911

          That’s Mrs. O’Bannon please.

          • lowenufc

            True that, as the kids say…

          • LucindathePook

            Only on screen. In the book she marries Patrick’s teacher.

          • Erala Contratista

            The book is a classic.
            The movie was awful.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Scientology Nun and No-Dick-Having Theon Greyjoy, more like.

      • The Wanderer

        Septa Unella (before her date with The Mountain)?

        • elviouslyqueer

          Shame! Shame! SHAME!

          • The Wanderer

            Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

          • elviouslyqueer

            Thank you, Sir Gregor, may I have another?

            — Septa Unella, probably

          • The Wanderer

            (giggles) Yeah, I can see her liking it, and I can see Ser Gregor thinking to himself, “Oh, great, thank you Your Grace, now this crazy woman’s gonna keep callng me.”

    • The Wanderer

      Grendel’s Mother is way prettier.

      • MrTusks

        Is “Sarah” just Trump in drag?

    • BadKitty904

      Note that neither of them look entirely human.

    • Look at the happy couple! I’m overjoyed that in this heated political climate, two absolute monsters could find each other and share their scowls for the rest of their lives until Dampnut fires one of them on a whim.

    • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

      That is one really bad case of Resting Bitch Face Ms. Sanders is sporting.

      • From Russia with Love

        They look like they have been blowing through their lips and making fart noises at each other.

  • Wait–the Pope isn’t Oscar the Grouch?

  • Ryan Denniston

    “Last night Trump told a bunch of Boy Scouts to spite your rivals,
    say “Merry Christmas,” remember to never trust a Mexican and always
    grab as much pussy as possible while attending New York cocktail
    parties.”

    Anyone else get creeped out at how enthusiastic the kids were? Trump Youth!

    • La forza del resistino

      Anyone who has endured a camporee after 2 days, would tell you Donald the clown making balloon animals was entertaining.

    • BadKitty904
    • therblig

      the future opiate abusers of america

    • Vincent Ricola

      Some of them were doing the white power/okay hand sign and CNN stopped panning the camera their way. Those kids have terrible parents.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Boy Scouts has always been a somewhat right wing organization. I never floated them as an option when Drublic Jr. was a lad. And in contrast to the Girl Scouts, who fucking ROCK.

        • P’jama Pahnts

          I was a cub/boy scout. And yes, my family was somewhat of a right-wing organization. Mom’s still trying to figure out wtf happened to me.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            I’m glad you failed her.

          • From Russia with Love

            You look to be in uniform with your helmet on.

        • grindstone

          I always thought it was conservative, but not necessarily right wing, until the Mormon church became so involved at the top levels. I have no interest in putting my son in scouts, even though he’ll miss out on the really cool stuff.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            That cool stuff can be replicated without the nationalistic ideology. I took Jr. hiking and camping, taught him reverence for wild places and wild things, encouraged him to be resourceful and self-sufficient. He turned out to be an earnest and honorable young man without the help of the Boy Scouts.

      • Serai 1

        Or just parents that let them on the internet unsupervised. It’s not as if home is the only place kids learn things anymore.

        • Vincent Ricola

          That’s true. There were sure a lot of adults in the crowd though, so I’m guessing at least some of those scout leaders were also parents.

    • Weird Fishes

      You know, in defense of the Scouts, they’re kids. Young kids. They’re growing up in a country that has been at war their entire lives. We may bemoan and dismiss the jingoism and xenophobia as something that can be compartmented and explained away and consigned to specific socioeconomic groups. Little kids growing up don’t necessarily know better.

      Look, when I was a Cub Scout, I was in an honor guard that greeted Richard Nixon at the airport. This was just as Watergate was breaking, but he was the President, and not only was I a Cub Scout but a Navy brat, so he was also the Commander in Chief, and my Dad’s boss. I still remember him as a very nice man who asked me my name and asked about me and my family. It was an incredibly proud moment of my life, and to some degree it still is.

      It sticks with you. And he’s going to stick with a lot of them.

      • grindstone

        And the POTUS is honorary president of the BSA, regardless of who is in office.

        • Weird Fishes

          I truly hope you weren’t expecting an exercise in restraint and recognition of boundaries from the walking id himself.

          • grindstone

            Certainly not — merely commenting on why they would even consider booking his loathsome presence.

  • Nounverb911
  • TheGrandWazoo2

    It took the disaster on the Forrestal for McCain to come to the realization that dropping those bombs and napalm on people was a bad thing he shouldn’t do. Fuck that guy.

    • therblig

      otoh, he wasn’t very good at it.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      An American could get hurt…

  • Nounverb911
    • The Wanderer

      Bunch of yellow-bellied, lily-livered, cromulent douchebags.

    • Ryan Denniston

      It’ll actually make the problem worse than before Obamacare came along. Good job.

  • Ryan Denniston

    “Reflecting the conversations going on inside
    Trumpworld, the political associate says he replied: “If you’re going
    to fire people at Justice, don’t you want to save that bullet for
    Mueller?””

    TRUMP: Why can’t I fire them all?

    https://www.axios.com/trump-in-phone-call-what-would-happen-if-i-fired-sessions-2465113665.html?utm_medium=linkshare&utm_campaign=organic

    • Opalescent Riddles

      Yeah, “bullet”, good imagery there. /s

  • BadKitty904

    Chinese businesses are getting super cozy with Iran, encouraging greater trade relations with Europe and other Middle Eastern countries now that the U.S. seems dead set on being stubborn.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/3d735e43158e7d7170125c590d71c258e4d5ea373777471e963099e64c9a6aed.jpg

  • Mpeg

    Opioid addiction in the era of Drumpf, I should hardly be surprised. It’s amazing that one trend where all the youth go around sucking on giant pacifiers hasn’t come back — and we were all smokers back then too!

    • Longstreet63

      It’s a serious problem, and therefore The Justice Department will be cracking down on The Marijuhana.

      • Mpeg

        IK,R?

        • Longstreet63

          The secret ingredient is the same as it always was: one of these drugs is perceived to be used by one particular race, and so must be suppressed, while the other is associated with a different race, and so should be treated with mercy and concern.
          Can you guess which races are which?

          • From Russia with Love

            White boys were doing their best to take over the killer weed when I was in college. Have things reverted to the jazz era?

          • Longstreet63

            In Jeff Sessions’ head, it’s always 1954.

    • Serai 1

      Nah, MDMA is definitely not a drug this administration would approve of.

  • MynameisBlarney

    One of us! One of us! etc…

    https://www.democraticunderground.com/10029367960

    Seriously, this Ferret feller’s gotta be lurking this site if not commenting here.

    • Major_Major_Major

      That was a thing of beauty.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      That’s a spectacular rant…

    • Edith Prickly
      • MynameisBlarney

        INORITE!

        I’m totes jelly of This persons command of snark.

    • NastyBossetti

      So many great phrases in that thing!

    • SeeTrain65

      Using his example I’ve come up with another Trump name:

      “Doritos Locos President”

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    Ted Cruz is being floated, as is Rudy Giuliani, and even Newt Gingrich.

    Three turds in the punch bowl.

    • The Wanderer

      Yep. Three floaters.

    • folderol

      Three turds in the punchbowl
      Each one seeking happiness
      Thrown by three hopeful A.G.s
      Which one will the Donald bless?

      Three turds in the punchbowl
      Each shyster longing for his home
      These turds float in the punchbowl
      Inside the cheeto’s vacuous dome
      Which one will the Donald bless?

  • Beanz&Berryz

    Trump is a idiot and a narcissist and an oligarchical fascist, but fucking abusing kids at the BSA Jamboree with his infantile SHIT pisses me off…

    • OutOfOrbit

      I would like to ask the scout with that sign, “Can you tell me what it means to you to be Morally Straight’?”

      • Beanz&Berryz

        It means he’s in the closet and over-compensating, like he’s been taught by the BSA…

        • OutOfOrbit

          Or mebbee his daddy or his troop leader told him what to put on the sign.

          • MrTusks

            It’s the last line of the Scout Oath. “To keep myself physically strong, mentally awake and morally straight.” Not unexpectedly, it’s a nice sentiment perverted by conservatives to promote hatred.

    • Trump youth, onward together.
      Well, until Dear Leader disowns your stupid assssses.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      I sent some mean tweets to the Boy Scouts last night, so I think I’ve shown them!

    • Johnatx

      That speech. I did nazi that coming

      • Gayer Than Thou

        Oh, I dunno. I think we all knew the kinds of things he was Göring to say.

        • Nockular cavity

          That’s exactly what I said: jugend guess what he’s going to say.

          • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

            I know, reich?

        • From Russia with Love

          He’s a regular archie bunker.

          • puredog

            Or at least has an archie bunker mentality.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    This is what Ed Klein wrote when Trump was milking every possibly scrap of personal publicity out of his marital problems

    I’ve got to make a decision about Marla,” Trump told me again and again over the course of the next couple of days. “We have a baby. We have a good relationship. It’s a little unfair to her. . . .But I love the freedom.”

    Although he cranked up the suspense at every opportunity, I suspected that he had already made up his mind but needed to feel that he had total control over when and how the information would be released.

    “When Donald started talking about divorcing Ivana, he used to call people at night,” said one of his friends. “His survey is a way of notifying the world. So a month before his wedding to Marla, he comes to me and says, ‘I don’t know if I should,’ and I immediately knew he was going to marry her.”

    Who knows if they’ll let him fire Sessions, but history says he intends to.

    • Weird Fishes

      Sad, isn’t it, that you can accurately predict the future actions of a sitting President of the United States by going into the Page Six archives from 30 years ago and working forward.

    • Nockular cavity

      Oh, good, so we’re getting a US AG with a perkier set of tits.

    • Jenny

      Yeah, my ex husband does the same shit. For example, he called me, his friends, his family, everyone to ask what he should do about his new babby momma. I knew he had already made his mind up and was just looking for someone to agree with him.

      Narcissists gonna narcissist.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        So what did he do about his new baby mama? Don’t leave us hangin.

        • Jenny

          He kicked her out and moved a new chick in. That was his plan all along, he just wanted someone to say ok, good idea.

  • Longstreet63

    I wanted to have a moment of silence in respect to Ken Ham’s tax troubles, but I was giggling too hard.
    What is it with Creationists and Tax Avoidance? Kent Hovind got hard time for that, Ken.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      They think god created money, and wants particular people to have more of it.

    • Spurning Beer

      Kent’s dinosaur statue park here in Pensacola was a puny joke compared to the Full Noah boat.

      The real scandal here is that Pastor Kent discovered the missing word from the Holy Bible: “Never render unto Caesar….”

      • Erala Contratista

        Nearly put the big boat on the ol’ things to visit list, but the admission$$$ is in Disney territory. Think we’ll go to Maker’s Mark and Horse Cave instead.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      It’s a conspiracy by the secular government, maann.

    • shivaskeeper

      Seeing as how the bulk of them are lying frauds who are nothing more than modern snake oil salesmen, why wouldn’t they try to fleece the government along with the rubes?

    • Serai 1

      The same thing Creationists have with everything Jesus said: it’s inconvenient, so they ignore it.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Render unto Caesar, you ignorant tax dodging motherfucker.

    • PubOption

      Hey, he pays Little Caesar for his pizza (not sure if he tips), but there’s nothing in his bible about Uncle Sam.

  • Nounverb911
    • Bozilingus

      Will The Scar be doing this at his press conferences?
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mznsEcZlM2I

      • Joe Beese

        (standing over body of White House staffer killed by gunshot)

        “Looks like…” [puts on sunglasses] “… the leak got plugged.”

        YEAAAAHHHH!!!!

    • The Wanderer

      Priebus is too much of a pussy to use a shank appropriately, so he’ll be reduced to helpless tears as Moochie-Poochie shivs all around him.

    • Randy Riddle

      Has Scaramucci announced to the press corps yet that he’s willing to suck a golf ball through a garden hose if someone happens to have a crisp five dollar bill lying around?

    • Nockular cavity

      So: not young Jack Nicholson, but Christian Slater.

      • Serai 1

        Was it Stephen or Seth who called Mooch a “human pinky ring” last night? Great description, cracked me up.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    You bring it home even though people tell you it’s a bad idea and what seems cute now will be vicious and uncontrollable later, but you’re all “I want to give it a chance!” Six months later, you realize you would have been much safer with a tiger cub.

  • elviouslyqueer

    I know this is a rhetorical question, but why in the entire fuck hasn’t somebody wrestled Orangina Twitler’s phone out of his small-digited hands and smashed it to the floor? Jesus Real Doll Fucking Christ!

    • Paperless Tiger

      Nobody will stand up to him.

      • Erala Contratista

        I have been thinking on this…..he is a bully, but if someone quietly stood up and confronted him while fully armed with facts, ignored his taunts and kept pressing him, what might happen? He is likely too chicken to assault one and is in no shape to be physically dominant. And if his ranting has no effect then what would happen? As long as he can goad people into reacting to him, he will keep it up.
        The man is terrified of silence.

    • jesterpunk

      Even if they take away his twitting phone he still has the nuclear football and is in charge of the military.

    • Randy Riddle

      Because it provides new evidence every day.

    • SweetDeeKat

      Shhh! Don’t give them ideas!

    • Serai 1

      What makes you think they haven’t tried?

  • Mpeg

    Heh — Hannity tries to “twitter-bash” and the tweeterati interpret it as “throwing a bash” in Tapper’s honor? What is Sean, like nine years old? Maybe I’m nine yrs old actually — because I almost typed “How many tweets does it take to bash a Tapper, Sean” and then I stopped making sense to myself~

  • Nounverb911
    • The Wanderer

      From your wine-stained lips to Bog’s ears, you naughty Boehner you . . .

    • NastyBossetti

      He looks… suspiciously human-colored.

    • Joe Beese

      Shut up, fuckface. The time for you to be of any use to your countrymen was when you held elected office. Go crawl in your hole and wait to die.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Too bad everyone can’t have the kind of government/VA health care that got John McCain back to work a week after BRAIN SURGERY.

    • starfanglednut

      Right? I hate him more than anybody right now. Dragged himself out of the bed where he is getting top-notch medical care to come to the senate to prevent millions from getting any care at all. The callousness and coldness and craven cowardice and lack of self-reflection are truly staggering. I was unaware that sociopathy was contagious.

      • From Russia with Love

        He has always been a sociopath. Don’t let the grampa shit fool you.

        • starfanglednut

          I seem to remember that on one of his presidential runs he said that if he were elected he’d close gitmo and stop torture. That’s a pretty radical stance for a republican to take, even if he didn’t mean it. I used to think that his experience as a POW had given him a capacity to reflect and a degree of integrity that surpassed, albeit not by much, that of your average republican. But whatever respect I once had for him is gone now.

      • Serai 1

        I was definitely NOT one of the ones getting all gooey-eyed about his headrot.

    • DrBigHead

      Yes. And he is using that privilege to help pass a plan that will strip health insurance from my daughter when she can no longer be on our policy. Fuck him. I am ashamed that he is a senator from my state.

  • Rick Hill

    “Trump has been calling random people up and asking what would happen if he fired Jeff Sessions.”

    Meaning he already made up his mind to do it but so many people have told him it’s a bad idea that he’s looking for one person to say “Sure. Why not?” before he goes ahead and does it.

    • NastyBossetti

      Then he can say, “People are saying it was a very smart idea to fire Jeff Sessions.”

      • Rick Hill

        “Nobody complained when Hillary fired Obama over the Bengahzi hearings.”

    • Longstreet63

      Has he called Rosenstein yet? Maybe that guy has learned his lesson, though.
      Maybe everyone has.

  • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

    Was Trump ever a boy scout? Here’s how he scores with the Scout Law:
    A scout is . . .
    Trustworthy (No)
    Loyal (No)
    Helpful (No)
    Friendly (No)
    Courteous (No)
    Kind (No)
    Obedient (No)
    Cheerful (No)
    Thrifty (Yes?)
    Brave (No)
    Clean (Yes)
    and Reverent (No)
    Trump = 1.5 out of 12.
    Who the fuck was the genius that invited him to speak to the scouts?

    • Rick Hill

      He’s cheerful when people are kissing his ass and telling him he’s the bestest evah!

    • Beanz&Berryz

      The invitation is traditional. The speech not so much.

      • Randy Riddle

        I’ve a feeling that parents inside the organization will make motions to change that tradition …

      • cmd resistor

        Those who have given the speeches before stuck to the inspirational boy scout stuff. Boring stuff like honor, service, etc. Bill Clinton did one.

    • BrendaKay

      I think you are confusing grifty with thrifty. Thrifty people PAY for the goods and workers. ;-)

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Trump isn’t thrifty, he’s cheap. There’s a difference.

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        I see therre’s a few Scots in ye’re herritage, lad. Bonny!

        • Kiri the Unicorn

          Thank Grandpa Clairmore for that.

    • Serai 1

      Thrifty? A guy who runs every business into bankruptcy?

      Also, clean? I don’t know about you, but I have NO intention of checking his fucking underwear, thank you very much. Who knows what’s growing in there?

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    “Great to meet and inspire Boy scouts with my real estate & champaign stories yesterday. HUGE crowd!” #DeletedTrumpTweets

  • Oblios_Cap

    Arnold Schwarzenegger is headed to SCOTUS to take out the trash as the Governator lobbies to end gerrymandering.

    It’s good to see that there are still a couple of sane GOPers out there. I wish there were more.

    • Rick Hill

      I wonder if Ahnold saw the inner workings and what the party as a whole has become and is abhorred. He is more patriotic than a Senate full of republicans

      • Serai 1

        He’s pretty disgusted and has made no bones about saying so.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Even a couple GOPers who acted American would be kinda cool…

  • Michael Smith

    Trump talked to those boy scouts like a drunk grandfather whose mental state is rapidly deteriorating.

    • The Wanderer

      There’s a man we call Our Leader
      Who’s brave and fine and mad
      And we’ll follow him forever
      Though his mental state is bad.

      • Oblios_Cap

        And the brown shirts!

        • The Wanderer

          That did it. The Horst Wessel Song just cued up on my cerebral iPod, and now I must go stand in the tea chest.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      He’s probably been waiting years to take a shot at Levitt, who was very much like his father (a racist property developer who did shady political things) but big time and treated with respect.

      • cmd resistor

        And what better place to do it than a Boy Scout thingy.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          I don’t imagine Don Jr did all that well in the scouts, and I doubt his father bothered to let Don Sr join. It’s kind of predictable he would be preening his plumage.

          • cmd resistor

            Yeah, Fred probably didn’t have a charitable foundation he could use to pay the $7 fee.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            I think he was more interested in using the kids as unpaid labor. He was, after all, the Trump of his generation who went into the family business because he wasn’t smart enough to send to college.

  • Oblios_Cap

    The Noah’s Ark theme park guy, Ken Ham, is going full ham on “MEDIA AND BLOGGERS” who are “OUT OF CONTROL” for reporting about his tax dodging, and blaming godless atheists for the park’s lousy attendance.

    Way to waste your limited tax Ameros, KY. Now I know why they named the jelly what they did.

  • Johnatx

    Jeezus. I don’t know what is more horrifying: Trump’s speech to the Boy Scouts; or the people standing with Trump in the White House photo. The looks on their faces.

    • Paperless Tiger

      The new normal ain’t.

      • Oblios_Cap

        Crazy is the new normal.

    • cmd resistor

      Well that speech was pretty damned horrifying. I finally made myself read the transcript.

  • La forza del resistino

    Scoutmaster Donald advises the boys, don’t be a loser and only help the lady across the street if she is a 10.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    I can’t imagine why people might be horrified at what transpired at the BSA jamboree. “Jamboree” is such a fun word, how could anyone object?
    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=FN7r0Rr1Qyc

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      I wish this whole shitshow was just Cabaret.

    • calliecallie

      Chills. Every fucking time.

  • Nounverb911
    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      So that WAS him seen boarding an Aeroflot jet.

  • Joe Beese
    • Nounverb911

      Also crying about Bama losing to Clemson.

      • Oblios_Cap

        And, soon, to FSU.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    I didn’t think Trump’s speech to the Boy Scouts at Nuremberg was all that bad until he urged them to go burn the Reichstag.

  • Sorry it’s not as long as it’s been – there’s a lot of stuff I couldn’t get to this morning. I’ll make it up to you guys later with pretty photos from the South Side.
    https://www.flickr.com/photos/dominicgwinn/35993061015/in/album-72157628075483737/

  • armed_bears

    Hey, this morning, let’s hear what another great Republican thinks:
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e33b8049e4ea036f644b520569240b8d03b895149747135b7d811686f3ac0a2b.jpg

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      He continued, ‘And I didn’t intend these to be instructions!’

    • Serai 1

      Did he really say that?

      • armed_bears

        According to Google Books the book “Respectfully Quoted: A Dictionary of Quotations” edited by Suzy Platt says that this came from a letter to S Stanwood Menken in 1917 and was read by Roosevelt’s sister to a national meeting that same year.

      • armed_bears
        • Serai 1

          Thanks! I don’t trust internet quotes anymore, no matter how authentic they sound.

  • Msgr_MΩment
    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      Funny thing? We’ve got hella guns Up Here. We just don’t feel the need to wave them around in public or use them to settle parking disputes.

      • Les Appentis De la résistance

        I was going to add that they’re polite, not unarmed.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    What a way to run a government “I’ll vote YES in order to see what’s in the box. If I don’t like it, well…”

    https://twitter.com/nsilverberg/status/889539907437383680

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      I’ve called and written that motherfucker every single day for weeks. Thanks, you fucking Mormon dickhead.

      • From Russia with Love

        He’s just living up to his name.

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      If we’re going to have ‘Let’s Make A Deal’ in the Senate, can we at least have Wayne Brady as majority leader?

    • cmd resistor

      It won’t even be a cake he likes. These people do not deserve to have jobs.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        But her emails…

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      The GOP has turned two branches of gov into reality tv. I can’t wait until the Supremes introduce some kind of hidden doodad that gives the Justice holding it veto power over the other Justices’ votes.

    • Nockular cavity

      “WHAT’S IN THE BOX?”
      -Seven

    • Pilotshark

      Flake lives to his name, I mean trump and others are out to get him no matter what, so what does he do he votes with them and drives McCain to DC.
      he has to go, no matter what.

  • UncleTravelingMatt
  • MynameisBlarney
  • Randy Riddle

    Have we had a Constitutional crisis yet?

    It’s not a Tuesday morning in the Trump administration if we haven’t had a pre-dawn Constitutional crisis.

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    THOSE EYEBROWS STILL BROW MY BRAIN!

    • Randy Riddle

      It’s Obamacare’s fault.

  • Nounverb911
    • The Wanderer

      King Joffrey, writ large.

      • eggs ackly-wright

        Or Ubu Roi.

        • Hey! That’s MY Trump literary reference!

          Cheers!

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Congratulations, Jeff Sessions. You’re getting exactly what you voted for.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      …Because he’s an evil, small-minded bastard.

    • cmd resistor

      Because he can and because he thinks it is fun.

    • Walter Wellstone

      Donald is a piece of shit with no humanity whatsoever. It’s good that he’s directing his vileness towards Jeff Sessions–that motherfucker deserves what he’s getting and more. I do feel sorry for Donald’s children, though. The fact that they are such vile pieces of shit themselves is a reflection of what Donald did to them. It looks like Melanie knows that and that’s why she’s keeping her son away from Donald. I hope that kid has a better chance to be a normal person. I doubt it, though.

      • When Melania gets called home, Bannon will be protected.

    • La forza del resistino

      Recall Mitt Romney getting stuck with the dinner check after being told no Sec of State for you.

    • shivaskeeper

      I’d put on my shocked face, but why bother?

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    Ted Cruz, Jeff Sessions and Mitch McConnell walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, “I’m sorry gentlemen, but my supplier is having trouble so I only have enough liquor to serve ONE drink. Would you like to share?” After the trio finishes laughing they discuss how to determine which of them gets the drink. They decide that whoever can be the biggest dick to the bartender will get the drink. Ted Cruz goes first. “Look you son of a bitch, if you don’t give me that drink I will spread your name and the name of your bar from coast to coast. You’ll be known as the bar that can’t deliver. You’ll be ruined.” Jeff Sessions is next. “Listen pencil dick. If you don’t give that drink I’ll have you arrested and prosecuted as a pedophile. Doesn’t matter if you’re guilty or not. From then on you’ll be an accused pedophile.” Mitch McConnell is last. “Listen cutey, I want that drink. If you don’t give it to me I’ll call your supplier and make sure that you never get liquor ever again. I’ll make sure that you, personally, can never drink again.”

    That’s it. No punchline. No one wins when dicks are being compared. And those three are really huge dicks.

    • Phoenixdoglover

      And the bartender took a deep breath and said, “We don’t like your type around here. So why don’t you just fuck off.” Cheers!

      • Yr. Gma

        The bartender drinks the booze himself.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Little Babby Donnie wants to fire Sessions and get an A.G. that will arrest Hillary Clinton for “her crimes” of running against him.
    http://media.salon.com/2015/10/NoahTrump-620×412.png

    • The Wanderer

      Trump’s too white and too tall to be Robert Mugabe.

      • Serai 1

        I wouldn’t argue with Trevor on that score. He knows what he’s talking about.

  • chascates

    We get-highs will never stop using marijuana, a plant used for euphoria and pain relieve for millennia. We’ll overgrow the government. We shall get high on the beaches, we shall get stoned on the landing grounds, we shall smoke in the fields and in the streets, we shall toke in the hills; we shall never surrender our blessed herb.

  • MynameisBlarney

    For fucks sake you stupid twunt, the fucking gobshites/GOP have been trying to burn Hillary at the stake for last 50-11 years and they have only ever consistently failed.
    And seriously, WTF do you fucktarded mouthbreathing knuckledraggers hope to accomplish by “Investerigatin’ Clinton” anyway?
    Other than making yourselves look even MORE guilty and petty.

    • Ωbjectifier

      Squirrell!

    • From Russia with Love

      She’s not dead yet.

    • Walter Wellstone

      Hillary is their bogeyman. It’s not even about her anymore. It’s about distracting the rubes.

    • shivaskeeper

      All they hope to accomplish is distraction. That’s it. Both the means and the ends.

      For the base, blaming Hillz is a reflex action. She is the great and powerful evil who can also be thwarted only them. She is the criminal mastermind behind any of several globe spanning conspiracies who has people murdered on the regular. She is both the boogeywoman and the woman behind the curtain.

      The GOPers in Congress are more than willing to play along. They know there is no there there, but it will keep their base happy and keep the far left riled up screeching about smoke and fires.

    • grindstone

      Here’s my working theory: Hilz represents the scary mom. The mom that knows when you’re lying. The mom that tells you to clean your room. The mom that knows your secrets better than you do.

      Voting for, and standing behind Dolt 45 is the equivalent of stomping your foot and telling mom “no!”, and then whining “adulting is haaard”. Petty is just the start of it.

  • Belasaurius

    I might feel sorry for Sessions, except…………………….reasons

  • starfanglednut

    In other news, Kansas gives Florida a run for its money.

    Kansas woman tries to kill bug with lighter, sets apartment on fire

    • Ghenghis McCann

      Filed under It seemed like a good idea at the time.

  • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist
    • calliecallie

      He looks a bit like Pee Wee Herman.

      • cmd resistor

        Pee Wee is more qualified for the job.

    • From Russia with Love

      “Let me be very queer…”

      Sorry, wrong guy.

      • Weird Fishes

        You should see his tats.

  • John Thorstensen

    Will Trump’s dreadful speech to the Boy Scouts peel away any of his Evangelical support?

    Of course not. For them, it’s all about white tribal identity. That’s about it.

    • Les Appentis De la résistance

      What do you mean dreadful? Beauty is in the eye of the ignorant bigots.

    • Claire

      Their Facebook page sure is full of torches and pitchforks, though. Even the people who need a fainting couch when someone swears are well represented.

  • Nounverb911
    • Wild Cat

      Good choice. The Pope’s decision to remain chaste will be secured.

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        I suspect the Pope is probably hitting the sacramental wine pretty hard before granting an audience to Callista. I wonder if he imagines her giving Newt a BJ when he’s talking to her?

      • nightmoth

        Really, what is it with the Republican women’s crazy eyes thing? Yikes!
        Genetic, environmental, or they all on the same drug?

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          It’s all the Stepford training they go thru to prove themselves, unfortunately it also involves a total frontal lobotomy as the final step.

  • Alexander Stallwitz

    Why is Trump turning on Sessions? Is it because Trumpy cant take blame for anything ever or as I suspect Sessions wouidnt take the fall for Trump or not do something that Trump wanted.

    • Les Appentis De la résistance

      He really, really, really wants Mueller stopped.

      • Alexander Stallwitz

        That wouldnt surprise me if Sessions bulked at firing Mueller and now Trump wants him gone.

        • Doug Langley

          My understanding is that since Sessions recused himself from the case, he can’t fire Mueller. It has to be someone else.

          • SweetDeeKat

            That’s what baffles me. Someone has to have told Cheeto that.

    • Phoenixdoglover

      Mayhaps Jeffy is turning State’s witness, in return for reduced perjury charges. Cuz you know, he flat out lied.

    • He can’t get rid of mueller with sessions in place.

      This can’t be talked about enough. It is so obvious what he’s trying to do.

  • Doug Langley

    OT, but I couldn’t wait until open thread. Got contacted by another recruiter who wants to chat about a local permanent job. No idea where any of this will end up, but got my fingers crossed.

    • starfanglednut

      Yay! I’ll keep my fingers crossed too.

    • NastyBossetti

      Good luck!

      • From Russia with Love

        x2!

    • Weird Fishes

      Good luck!

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Lighting a candle for you!

    • shivaskeeper

      Very good.

    • eggs ackly-wright

      All Bess.

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      Woot! Fingers crossed!

    • lroom

      Good luck!

    • SeeTrain65

      “Let’s do this.”

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    The rumor mill on Capitol Hill is throwing all sorts of names around to replace Jeff Sessions. Ted Cruz is being floated, as is Rudy Giuliani, and even Newt Gingrich. Ewww….

    Health tip to all you good Wonkers – if you see ANYTHING like them floating after you make poops, run, don’t walk, to see your doctor.

    • OutOfOrbit

      Or if you see any of them floating face-down in the river, just walk away.

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        Better to put your foot on the back of the neck and hold it under until the bubbles stop. You’ll want to be ABSOLUTELY sure…

        • Hizzoner

          If you want to be sure, you dust off and nuke them from orbit. That’s the only way to be sure.

    • Weird Fishes

      …and flush twice, just to be sure.

    • BeachBum

      I’m always disappointed. They say “floated” but they never are.

  • calliecallie

    Needz more tiger cub footage and less humans. And I don’t think those cubs are so tiny. I think their mom is just that much bigger. But they are all sweet af.

  • Me not sure

    In his head Trump was in Munich speaking to a large audience of enthusiastic uniformed supporters in an epic outdoor setting. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b8f2955f8e85d1626bbc3871486f83e4fb3ffc335cc4b0e93d8cad84e3ddad96.jpg

    • From Russia with Love

      Where’s Jesse Owens when we need him?

      • Ωbjectifier

        Max Baer also, too.

      • Walter Wellstone

        Mel Brooks?

      • Me not sure

        In a better place?

      • BeachBum

        Jackie Robinson ?

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      Sieg Heil! Seig Heil! Seig Heil! USA! USA! USA!

    • OutOfOrbit

      tRump could not stop cumming in his diaper with a crowd like that, and he would be moved to tears.

      • Rick Hill

        He asked to have the cameras pan around to see the youge crowd and then went on about the fake media. Btw, at the time he said this, CNN was already panning the crowd

        • cmd resistor

          It’s bad enough he did that crap at regular political rallies, but SHIT, these kids were already there for the Boy Scout thing and the crowd size had nothing to do with his pathetic self. It did make me think that, aside from him being a racist shitbag, that another reason he declined the NAACP invite was he wouldn’t have gotten a chanting crowd. Oh I really hate this.

    • Rick Hill

      One day I’ll read something about Trump and not find a Hitler reference in the comments. Not today… but someday.

      • Elvis Causticfellow

        Never. It’s nobody’s fault, it’s just that he’s so damn Hitlery.

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        Hell, Hitler is probably pissed about it. He was way fucking smarter than Trump. I think Hitler edges Donnie out in craziness and malevolence though, although Donnie is closing that gap fast.

      • Me not sure

        Everybody has to a have dream.

      • natoslug

        His eventual death by self-inflicted gunshot in a bunker, followed by immolation, will in no way draw Hitler comparisons.

        • Yr. Gma

          A girl can dream.

      • JJ O’Shaughnessy

        Hitler, for all his faults, wasn’t actually a pussy. He became head thug if his corner in the 1920s, so he probably had to throw a few punches at someone who could punch back at him. And he served in World War 1.

        So comparisons with Hitler are unfair… to Hitler.

        I need a shower.

      • bbayliss

        I tend to go with Mussolini.
        Evola/Bannon and all that.

  • La forza del resistino

    I hope McCain summons the strength to get into Senate well and tell his fellow glioblastoma victims that under Trumpcare, for only $12 a month, you’ll have a great plan when you reach 70.

  • Blackest Noobs

    seriously what the fuck is wrong with white people?

    like y’all haven’t always been this pathetic, right?

    • Weird Fishes

      Well…we’d like to think we weren’t, and I think we generally have a hard time admitting it, but yes. Yes, we are. Largely ignorant and needlessly cruel. Race-splaining at its very worst.

      • Blackest Noobs

        it’s just sooo fucking odd to me…like when i’ve been on top and benefiting like a mofo ( again doesn’t happen often but when it does, it’s kinda nice) my automatic reaction isn’t to be a dick to those who have lower status.

        though i do tend to be a dick to those that have it all and act like jerks.

        • Weird Fishes

          They bring it on themselves with their tone deafness; their obliviousness; their sense of entitlement. There are admirable rich people, but they are few and far between. The problem is now – I think – is that the goblins are holding sway at the moment and their ids, temporarily free of constraint, are running amok. The pendulum will come back our way, but it seems way the fuck out there.

    • BigCSouthside

      This pathetic-ness is more centered in the WASPy faction of us white folks. You know, the same folks who would have depicted my white, albeit browner and papist Italian ancestors as Neanderthals in political cartoons about 100 years ago.

      • Hizzoner

        Add in my poor, drunk, pasty-white Irish ancestors as well. Oh, and we’re papists too.

    • Covfefe

      You be akin us what he white man wants? Like we all be the same? Like there ain’t no difference in white folks?

      • Blackest Noobs

        not when it comes wealthy ones….pretty much all the same. and then the dumbfucking rubes who wishes to be like them…so yeah…i do

    • VirginiaWackelpudding

      See, there’s the right kind of white and then there’s the rest of us. Irish have that greenish tinge and us Slavs have that slight dark cloud over us look. And freckles. Don’t forget freckles!!

      • Blackest Noobs

        but the rest of you still, for the most part, vote for the nazi-wannabe alt-righty white people even when they don’t really believe in the racisty bigoty stuff…it BOGGLES THE MIND.

        • bbayliss

          What on earth makes you think they don’t believe it?
          Cause they told you?
          C’mon.

    • natoslug

      The Golden Rule of Whititude states that you are only winning if others are losing. A rising tide is a waste if it doesn’t drown everyone else.

      • BeachBum

        I call it the Zero Sum Game Paranoia. Or Greed.

        • natoslug

          There’s a lot more to game theory than just Zero Sum. We don’t have to spend our lives playing a grown-up version of roshambo.

          • BeachBum

            The paranoia, not the game.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      I don’t know. We’ve always been a bit fucked up, admittedly.

    • Edith Prickly

      I’ve been asking myself this for a long time.

    • BeachBum

      All the white people are not pathetic all of the time. All the white people are pathetic some of the time. Some white people are pathetic all of the time.

    • bbayliss

      We’ve had to work hard to become the assholes we are and considering how much we hate hard work that’s saying something.

    • Yr. Gma

      Too many crackers at the library, Noobs? You seem to be in your usual good mood today. #notallwhitepeople

  • Covfefe

    If Christopher Wray is willing publicly to work for Donald, what’s the big about admitting he worked for Chris Christy?

  • Ghenghis McCann

    From the BBC website:

    Highest number of fatal police shootings for 12 years
    The numbers of fatal police shootings and deaths after police pursuits in England and Wales both rose sharply in the last year, the latest figures show.
    The Independent Police Complaints Commission said there were six fatal police shootings between April 2016 to March 2017, up from three in 2015/16.
    The number of deaths in police road traffic incidents rose by 11 to 32 – the biggest total in eight years.
    The six shootings included that of Westminster attacker Khalid Masood.

    In Britain, six fatal police shootings in a year is a cause for concern.

    • natoslug

      That would be a slow hour here in the Exceptional States of Amercia.

  • Covfefe

    Requiring employees to get drug tests is a way to get unhealthy workers out of your insurance plan.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      It’s more a method of asserting power over your employees because you have ego issues.

    • Hollandaise

      It’s also a good way to avoid costly lawsuits and employee or general public deaths/regional disasters in a lot of industries, but yeah ok whatever. Figure out away to test for actual impairment from marijuana rather than just the presence in the past month of it and you fix half this problem.

      • Yr. Gma

        The way I read it is that opiates, etc. is the big problem, not weed. But I guess that is half dozen of one, etc., to the Sessions crowd.

        • Hollandaise

          One of the business owners they interviewed said about half her pops were for marijuana with the rest being opiates and whatever else. Marijuana’s going to become more of a tough situation because of how long evidence of it stays in your system (I mean, it makes sense you shouldn’t be coming into the workplace impaired but imagine if they tested for alcohol use and your pee would pop if you had a beer a week ago!) and the growing prevalence of the messy legal situation around it. Opiates etc. don’t stick around as long.

  • IdiokraticDrumpfenResistance
  • SweetDeeKat

    Squeeeee for the babby tigers. I scroll to them when I need to breathe.

  • cmd resistor

    Meanwhile, those commie Girl Scouts added a bunch of STEM badges they can earn. http://money.cnn.com/2017/07/25/technology/girl-scouts-stem-badges/index.html

    • Serai 1

      So long as there are an equal number of badges for LAHM (Literature, Art, History, Music), I’m good. If not, I’d be pretty pissed off. Getting tired of all the emphasis on the subjects that tech companies can take advantage of, frankly. There’s more to education AND LIFE than preparing to get shafted by greedy conglomerates.

  • Bebecca

    You all don’t suppose that McCain, that old Maverick, will be wheeled in on a gurney or in a wheel chair and will cast the deciding vote that kills this version of health care–as a final F/U to Trump, do you?

    • DrBigHead

      No, because deep in his mavericky heart, he is still a republican. Party uber alles.

      • FlownΩver

        It’s sad, [not”SAD!”] but McCain will be remembered for:
        1. POW
        2. Lost in 2008 to Obama
        3. Gave the world Sarah Palin
        4. Took time off from hundreds of thousand$ in government-paid medical treatments in order to take away health care from millions.

        • Serai 1

          Why is that sad? It’s exactly what he deserves.

    • Well that just smacks of optimism. Can’t be having with that shit

      • Bebecca

        You say optimism, I say sarcasm.

    • Penny Dreadful Says Cats

      Isn’t it pretty to think about?

      • Bebecca

        That’s the way the movie in my head ends.

      • Serai 1

        No, millions of people without healthcare is not pretty to think about.

        • Penny Dreadful Says Cats

          I meant the opposite.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    McConnell needs to be ended.

    • Marla

      He’s a sick and corrupt man.

      • Yr. Gma

        He’s not human.

    • Hardly Ideal

      So many assholes, so few manure trucks for them to crash into.

    • doktorzoom

      Please review the rules.

      — Dok Zoom, Yr Friendly Neighborhood Comments Moderator

  • david spikes

    All you peoples who got all ickey gooey about the maverickest maverick in the whole history of the world last week might want to reconsider all that love and respect you poured on that ancient asshole and maybe save it for someone who actually, you know, is a good person.

    • Serai 1

      Thank you. See? He just came back and kept being the same arrogant, hateful asshole.

    • SisterArtemis

      I know it’s not the same for everyone, but I can manage to be INCREDIBLY PISSED OFF AT THAT CURMUDGEON! and also sympathetic to his medical plight at the same time.

      • david spikes

        A perfectly adequate response would have been:
        “Oh gee, that’s too bad, tuf luck.”
        But by all means go on and on about how this is like the biggest tragedy since the crucifixion and what a really, really, swell guy that evil old turd is.

        • SisterArtemis

          Jesus fucking christ, David. Kind of missed the point?
          “go on and on about how this is like the biggest tragedy since the crucifixion and what a really, really, swell guy that evil old turd is” has zip to do with what I was saying.

          • david spikes

            And Hitler has piles, painful ones. got some sympathy for him.
            McCain hauled himself off his deathbed to give the shiv to ACA,so fuck him and fuck his cancer, and fuck everyone who wishes the craphound well.

          • SisterArtemis

            right, david, fuck me for having an opinion different that yours? you are behaving like a real jackass.

          • david spikes

            Fuck you for sleeping with the enemy or didn’t you follow what your poor, poor John McCain did today-I assume you have good insurance and afford to be oh so liberal and sympathetic. So maybe that makes you the asshole.

          • SisterArtemis

            Your definition of sleeping with the enemy is a bit hardline, dude.
            I’m done with this conversation, and with you.

          • HazooToo

            A) Fuck you.
            B) Don’t come back if all you ever do is wish death on your enemies coz that’s kind of against the fucking rules, Jerkbag.
            C) Seriously, fuck you.

          • david spikes

            And fuck you too, who left you in charge of the comments that aren’t allowed?
            And fuck you, dirtbag.

          • doktorzoom

            I actually am in charge of the comments, and the person you’re replying to accurately summed up the rule on not wishing death or harm on people.

          • doktorzoom

            Yep, that’s right over the line, is what it is. When I replied to your other comment, it was flagged in the moderation queue, and I hadn’t seen this. You’ve earned yourself a 48-hour time-out from commenting. Your comment is abusive and rude, and this is not the place for getting vitriolic at other commenters.

            Please use your time away from commenting to reviewthe rules. We don’t actually have one that says “don’t get so wrapped up in your own moral indignation that you act like an asshole to other commenters, but we assumed people here would take that as a given.

            Your 48-hour ban will end automatically; I should let you know that if you come back and treat other readers like this again, it will become a permanent ban.

            — Dok Zoom, Yr Friendly Neighborhood Comments Moderator

    • Hardly Ideal

      Yeah, that whole thing was… complicated.

      Like, as an atheist, I don’t exactly like the idea of someone’s consciousness winking out. And what that old fart went through in Vietnam was horrific. But for all the times he’s been the grown-up in the room, he’s also been a heartless and craven asshole the rest of the time. And that’s not even getting into his unleashing Palin upon us.

      At the end of the whole conversation, I’m just left feeling bitter and frustrated.

    • Yr. Gma

      Ickey gooey? Me? I’m still pissed about Palin. However, people tell me it’s possible to hate the fucker and still feel badly for his predicament.

    • SeeTrain65

      We can hate his wretched guts for all the damage he’s done in the Senate, but still feel bad about his medical situation and not wish him dead.

    • doktorzoom

      If being dedicated to my politics ever causes me to completely lose empathy for someone who’s just been diagnosed with terminal cancer, then I think I’d need to rethink my politics.

      Also, perhaps you didn’t notice this: Virtually everyone who wished Senator McCain well, including me, said they thought his political views on nearly everything but torture were crap. And no one said, “Oh golly, the poor man has cancer, I will now never disagree with him again.”

      Are you actually asking us to celebrate John McCain having cancer? If so, let me remind you to review the rules.

      — Dok Zoom, Yr Friendly Neighborhood Comments Moderator

      • david spikes

        If you look at what I wrote you will see I never celebrated his cancer although I made it pretty plain I don’t give a flying fuck.
        As I wrote below, saying gosh, John McCain has cancer, too bad, but the man’s an asshole, let’s move on, is fine, but going on and on expressing noble sympathy-fuck that.
        Acting as though his cancer automatically gives him a get out of jail card and justifies paragraphs of basically saying he’s not that terrible a person-good old loveable Grandpa Walnuts-that’s bullshit.
        The man got up from his sickbed to come to Washington to fuck millions of Americans, watching Bernie do the Texas two step with him made me want to vomit.
        To repeat-let’s save our sympathy for decent human beings-not right wing trash.,

  • bookish

    Wonderful baby tiger story. God bless.

  • Serai 1

    I wonder when these assholes will get tired of “we’re too stupid to know what we’re doing” as a defense. They can’t ride that horse forever.

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    Boehner

  • Serai 1

    What the fuck is up with Disqus today? It’s not bringing up pics, and it’s not accepting edits. I keep trying to change a URL in my comment below and it just stays the same. Anybody else having trouble with either pics or edits??

    I’m gonna try deleting it and reposting, just to see if that helps. GRRRRRRRRRRR.

  • Serai 1

    I wonder when these assholes will get tired of “we’re too stupid to know what we’re doing” as a defense. They can’t ride that horse forever.

    And YES AHNULT!!! You go, Governator! Kick their asses. Now that he’s not running a state anymore, he can work on shit like redlining and gerrymandering. I’m so looking forward to any events he’ll do with Bamz.

    As to the weed, I can only say AHAHAHA…

    https://anonimag.es/i/1a396f82398ebafc90994723225b2d90.gif

    https://anonimag.es/i/736e5ee99f147170574d61fea8f0fc21.gif

    Just TRY, motherfuckers!

  • SisterArtemis

    Off Topic: Any PNW wonkers who are interested in getting together for YET ANOTHER DRINKY THING (yes, we’re getting kind of addicted to these meetups), let me know here, and I will hook you up with the details via the Sekret Backchannel that I am trying to set up.

    Basically, I made in invite-only discussion place. If you are a commenter who pays attention to your Disqus notifications, this will work; if not, learn how!

    Our next potluck drinky is happening in Albany, on August 12th. Further details are being handled on the down-low, which is why I’m setting up the discussion place elsewhere, rather than here where every Tom Dick and Troll can see it. If you want to go, just reply to this non-comment, and I’ll take it from there.

    • Yr. Gma

      Backchannels! How Trumpian! I wish I were going to be in Oregon then. *sad*

      • SisterArtemis

        Well, hopefully not TOO trumpian…
        If you’d like to be added anyway, let me know – we may end up using the platform for other get togethers, or other discussions not quite right for the full on Wonkette Commenting Experience.

  • Hardly Ideal

    As much as I like the drinky DGAF version of Boehner, I’m not terribly eager to hear his opinions. Like, EVER. Don’t forget, you soused oompa-loopma cosplayer, that you helped us get into this mess. I sure haven’t.

  • Ron Spangler

    That photo! So many zombie-eyed white people. Mama, I’m askeered!!

  • Internet Hitler

    Cruz, Giuiani, Gingrich.

    Let’s play Punch, Punch or Punch. (with votes!)

  • SisterArtemis

    OK, second time around for this info, but want to catch the attention of west coast wonkers:

    DRINKY THING HAPPENING!
    Yes, we are seizing the means of Drinky Thing production once again!

    PNW Wonkers: Our next potluck drinky is happening in Lebanon, Oregon, on August 12th. It will be a early-afternoon to early evening affair, at a Wonker’s home. Because of that location, further details are being handled on the down-low. I’ve set up a Sekret Chatcave (okay, maybe more of a Sekret Chat Porch) for handling the details elsewhere, rather than here where every Tom, Dick and Troll can see it.

    If you want to come to the gathering, just reply to this non-comment, and I’ll take it from there. Pay attention to your Disqus notifications, I will contact you by replying to one of your old posts. And if you don’t track notifications, learn how! (We can help with that too.)

    And heh, lurkers, join up with Disqus, and you can lurk in Real Life with us! We are a fun bunch, if a bit focused on political snark. But would you expect anything else?

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