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Good Monday morning, Wonketariat! We hope you had a lovely weekend, ’cause today we got many newses to tell you about. Here’s some of the things we may be talking about today.

Jared Kushner will quietly speak to the Senate Intelligence Committee today, and he’s released an 11-page statement about all the TOTALLY NORMAL meetings he had with Russians that he keeps forgetting. Good thing he’s not under oath. [Full Statement]

Nataliya Veselnitskaya had an interesting day in court before meeting Trump Jr., Prince Kushner, and the rest of the Russian power rangers.

Trump woke up and started threatening the GOP on Twitter for screwing up on killing the ACA, and doing “very little to protect their president.”

South Dakota Republican Senator John Thune says the Senate won’t give up on screwing poor people out of healthcare.

Newt Gingrich is the face of a new conservative lobbying supergroup pushing tax cuts for businesses now that TrumpCare is being beaten to death (MAYBE, MAYBE NOT).

Congress is set to pass Russian sanctions that Trump has been fighting, kicking and screaming. Weird!

Republicans are coming out of their fall-out shelters and bitching about Trump ruining their plans to screw up all the political systems.

A federal appeals court says you can’t vape on airplanes as existing anti-smoking laws prevent you from behaving like an obnoxious ass.

The Mooch seems to be bungling Trump’s messages after he went on teevee shows and contradicted statements from other Trump spox. OOPS!

Plaintiffs in the Kentucky lawsuit over violence at Trump rallies are seeking Trump’s tax returns to see if there’s a link between hate groups, but his lawyers are brushing it off as using “the discovery process to inflict maximum political damage.” Thanks for the news-flash, Cronkite!

Democrats have a new campaign slogan for 2018 that focuses on economic policy. It’s called “A Better Deal,” and they’re hoping to bring everyone, from Berners to grumpy olds, back to the bargaining table.

Two of the biggest dark-web black markets were raided in a global effort to crack down on the sale of drugs like fentanyl, and now the Internet is freaking out.

Trump is pushing out the State Department on discussions over the Iranian nuclear agreement as REXXON keeps bucking Trump.

The FBI is now involved in an investigation of corruption in the South Carolina statehouse that keeps growing like a kudzu infestation.

Rep. John Lewis went to San Diego Comic-Con and led a march through the nerd-filled halls.

The General Services Administration is warning local governments to stop software from Kaspersky Labs over reports that it may contain backdoors for Russian hackers.

A US District Court judge has ordered Kentucky to pay $222,695 in legal fees to the four gay-mo sexual couples that former Rowan County clerk, Kim Davis, refused to gay marry. The joke here is taxpayers have to pay for Kim Davis being A Idiot.

A British tabloid is reporting that Trump will make a “dummy” visit to Britain to see if he can handle a real state visit and avoid embarrassing the Queen.

Thousands of Poles took to the streets this weekend in protest of a right-wing power grab to limit the judiciary and consolidate power. Some measures were vetoed this morning by Polish President Duda, surprising the hell out of a lot of people.

Now that ISIS/ISIL/Daesh/whatever is showing signs of breaking apart in Syria and Iraq, European courts are wondering what to do with the jihadists returning home. So much for the caliphate.

The New York Times wants an on-air apology from Fox and Friends for an old story about the escape of an ISIS/IS/whatever leader that it butchered.

Stubbs the cat, the duly elected mayor of Talkeetna, Alaska, has passed away at 20. Stubbs served in office for most of his life, and consistently remained one of the highest polling politicians. :(

Brian Stelter had to remind Kellyanne Conway that it’s not CNN’s job to push pro-Trump PR.

There’s a weird pseudo-cult around Melon Trump in Slovenia, but not everyone is drinking the Kool-Aid poison-free red sugar water.

The NRA is blaming Black Lives Matter for racial violence, and they even went to central casting to find a guy to blame left-wing activists for all the cops killing black people.

NRA mouthpiece Dana Loesch is mad at The Mooch over some tweets about gun control from back in 2012.

Trump’s White House officials have been using emoji to refer to one another with Scaramucci as a kissy face, and Reince Priebus as a reindeer. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Glenn Beck mouthed off on a podcast about that time Tomi Lahren was “You’re Fired,” and then whined about the left/right media.

Bill O’Reilly is reported to be in talks with Sinclair Broadcasting, the conservative media venture that’s been eating up local news outlets and pooping out Trump spox.

Joe Scarborough and Mika Brzezinski told stories about bunny orgies and their love-hate relationship with Trump’s super-charged ego.

And here’s your late night wrap-up! Stephen Colbert noticed that Trump-Russia looks like a bad heist movie; The Daily Show had a special goodbye for Spicey; Chelsea Handler went overseas to spread some goodwill.

And here’s your morning Nice Time! Puffins!

We need your help (in the form of Ameros) to keep doing all the newses and ‘splainerings, and Rebecca says you’re about $2000 behind for the month. Use the clicky!

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  • Nounverb911
    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      ♫ I’m a little teapot
      Short and stout
      Here is my handle
      Here is my… other handle…
      Oh, crap, I’m a sugar bowl!

  • Nounverb911
  • Nounverb911
  • coozledad

    Donald Trump in his latest attack:
    “I carried you all on my back!
    “At least dear old Putin reaches round before shootin’
    That’s the last time you ride in my crack!

  • Nounverb911
  • Nounverb911
    • Villago Delenda Est

      “What will it be, Mr. President?”

  • Carpe Vagenda

    Brian Stelter had to remind Kellyanne Conway that it’s not CNN’s job to push pro-Trump PR

    Did he have trouble keeping a straight face?

    When cultural appropriation goes very, very wrong.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b9d98f7bf9e5cfe0b14f80f7295516b9aab7b358ce728d1739d16da23f9ec350.jpg

    • Oblios_Cap

      Team Fredocon? What fresh hell is this?

      • Carpe Vagenda

        They want very badly for everyone to stop comparing the Trump boys to Fredo.

    • Augustus

      “Southern-fried?”

      “spill a 40 to his homies?”

      What the fuck?

      • Oblios_Cap

        40 oz. Schlitz or Colt .45?

        • Augustus

          Dolt 45

        • Riley Whodat Venable

          Old English 800. Or maybe Elephant.

    • What the fuck am I reading?

      • Carpe Vagenda

        inorite? It’s like we’re back in the early eighties and the first edgy suburban teenagers are letting their pants droop ever so slightly in the back.

    • Longstreet63

      Yes, that’s how it works now. The only goal is spite. That’s helpful to the Republican leadership because Spite specialists can be easily manipulated into voting as they are told.

    • armed_bears

      I going to start worrying about Kid Rock in the Senate just moments after Trump appoints Molly Hatchet to his cabinet.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        I’m surprised Donnie isn’t a big Alice Cooper fan. Alice likes to play golf.

    • Incoming Ham

      That’s why you elect people? Funny, I thought it was to run the government – taxes, education, etc, not elect some buffoon who will entertain you by making your “enemies” soiling themselves. What a bunch of assholes.

      Oh wait…they already did this

  • Oblios_Cap

    South Dakota Republican Senator John Thune says the Senate won’t give up on screwing poor people out of healthcare.

    Given the volume of fundraising letters sent to my father in Florida from this buffoon, I’m assuming that Thune thinks he’s presidential material. He might be, if you think Trump is.

    • Les Appentis De la résistance

      He’s got a strong jaw line.

    • Antonin Dvorak

      If anyone else had won the GOP nom last year, Thune would have been on the veep shortlist. The old cadre establishment types really like him.

  • Nounverb911
    • coozledad

      Said Mooch on the TV to Jake
      “That Russia collusion is fake
      Anyway, per my source, (on his jet to the course)
      All the documents drowned in a lake.”

      • armed_bears

        Outstanding.

  • Antonin Dvorak

    As this is the traditional time to post coffee memes, I would like to say that you can now buy coffee flavored M&M’s. That is all.

  • Nounverb911
    • Carpe Vagenda

      I never had a problem with her until I found out she was one of the parade of demi-celebrities making solidarity visits to Julian Assange.

      Which is probably not fair because John’s good intentions frequently overcame his sense politically too.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Who the eff is “Benjamin Mendy”?

      • Antonin Dvorak

        Apparently someone who just signed with ManCity for 52 million pounds.

        • Oblios_Cap

          Oh, that guy! The BPL season starts August 11.

          • Skeptical_thinker

            Boston Public Library?

    • Riley Whodat Venable

      What is Yellow and lives off of dead Beatles?

  • Les Appentis De la résistance

    My software contains backdoors for Russian hookers? Is that why I had to pay extra?

    • Celtic_Gnome

      What I find more alarming is that a lot of our military electronics are made in China. Why wouldn’t they put in backdoors to disable systems just in case? We would.

  • Oblios_Cap

    A British tabloid is reporting that Trump will make a “dummy” visit to Britain to see if he can handle a real state visit and avoid embarrassing the Queen.

    Just send one of those nude Trump statues. It won’t be as embarrassing as sending the real thing.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      I hope this is one of the stories covered today, because I don’t want to go looking for it, but I really want to know what a “dummy” visit by the President looks like. I mean, the guy’s got a Secret Service contingent when he goes to the bathroom.

      • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

        Every time he messes up they play an audio clip of Redd Foxx from Sanford and Son yelling “Hey, dummy!”

  • Michael R
  • Lance Thrustwell

    Puffins! They’re like penguins what fly.

    • Oblios_Cap

      And lots of people are saying they’re tasty eating birds.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        Gah! Don’t eat da puffins.

        • Longstreet63

          Yes, they are poisonous, like puffer fish, and all animals involving the word Puff.
          It’s a well known fact.

          • Lance Thrustwell

            Guess I should return those Magic Dragon filets I got.

          • Longstreet63

            Yes, they are filled with poison, as the Magic Dragon’s diet is exclusively of Marijuhana, The Killer Weed, which is sweeping in a deadly tide over the innocent children of Our Towns today, leaving madness and destruction behind.
            It’s true, I saw it in a documentary.

          • Oblios_Cap

            Moving on to the list of “cute birds that seemed too cute to eat, but then we ate them” was the puffin. Just look at that guy. Could you really eat such an adorable horn-billed seabird? I didn’t think so either, but then he was part of a special multi-course meal, so we tried him…and kind of really liked him. “Lundi” in Icelandic, the puffin meat is usually smoked to taste almost pastrami-esque, or broiled in liver-like lumps.

            http://www.seriouseats.com/2012/04/guide-to-food-iceland-fish-whale-skyr-hot-dogs.html

          • Riley Whodat Venable

            Don’t forget H. R. Puffinstuff. Can’t do a little because you can’t do enough.

  • Stulexington
    • Riley Whodat Venable

      She loved to bang the gong around.
      Opium Den reference.

  • Left Coast Tom

    The Mooch seems to be bungling Trump’s messages after he went on teevee shows and contradicted statements from other Trump spox. OOPS!

    If only the White House had a “Communications Director” whose job would include keeping everyone on the same page.

  • Incoming Ham

    Does anyone know if Ladbrokes is making book on the outcome of this whole Russia debacle?

    If they aren’t, they should be.

  • Les Appentis De la résistance

    “he went on teevee shows and contradicted statements from other Drumpf spox”

    I thought that’s their normal mode of operation. I don’t know why anyone listens anything coming from this adminstration. There’s a 70% chance its a lie.

    • Michael R

      The best Russian propaganda moves .

      • Incoming Ham

        The best propaganda is Russian Propoganda. So sayeth Pravda.

    • Oblios_Cap

      70% seems rather low.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      The definite and indefinite articles in their statements need to be fact checked.

    • Skeptical_thinker

      I never believe anything this administration says until they officially deny it.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Republicans? In South Carolina? Corrupt? How can this be?

    • ThirdAmendmentMan

      That’s unpossible!

    • Longstreet63

      I’m shocked, SHOCKED to find that corruption is going on here…

    • Riley Whodat Venable

      South Carolina:
      Too small for a Republic,
      Too large for a lunatic asylum.
      James Louis Petigru.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    When the GOP passes anti-Russian sanctions, I think what they’re saying is, “You can’t sow internal division, undermine our institutions, and generally subvert democracy – that’s our job!”

  • Nounverb911
  • Nounverb911
    • Lance Thrustwell

      That looks too perfect – even the antlers look bleached.

      • Roadstergal

        Yeah. ‘Albino’ doesn’t mean ‘incapable of getting dirty.’

    • Longstreet63

      Call her Ishmael…

    • Riley Whodat Venable

      Anyone remember Orange Moose Cereal?

  • Longstreet63

    Sometimes, I’m not really sure this is what they meant when they said “Run government like a business.”

    Also, Shetlands Carnage! Illegal puffins coming ashore with only one thing on their minds!

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Subversive cuteness?

      • Longstreet63

        Calves like cantaloupes…
        Ok, well, whole bodies, anywa.

  • Nounverb911
    • Incoming Ham

      He looks like something out of a cartoon.

    • From Russia with Love

      Have we started a pool for Mooch’s last day with Trump?

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      Yes, Donnie’s a hypocrite, but he’s CONSISTENTLY hypocritical.

    • bupkus231

      Boy, Mooch’s eyes sure look red in that pic. Wonder if he’s been in the Kush?

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Being in the Kush means something different at the White House.

  • Sean Spicer should host SNL for realz.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      He’s mad, mad, mad at them for being so mean to him, though. Fuckin’ snowflake.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • chortlingdingo

      That whole thing is so sad in a lot of ways.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        It is. I can’t fault them for being irrational about their kid. I might be too. I do fault opportunistic politicians for trying to score pro-life points off the whole sorry thing, however.

        • chortlingdingo

          Oh, for sure. Tragedy always attracts scum.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            See Trump, Donald.

    • Roadstergal

      The only end for such a devastating beginning. The only ‘positive’ is that the boy’s pain will end and the parents can work on their own.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      This is sad, but there are some things that even modern medical technology and technique cannot fix. Charlie, alas, is one of those.

      RIP Charlie.

    • Les Appentis De la résistance
      • Villago Delenda Est

        Oh, fuck him sideways, with sharp pointy curare tipped votes.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    Aren’t all Trump visits ‘dummy’ visits?

    • Roadstergal

      Charlie McCarthy libel!!

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        Anyone remember Edgar Bergen and Charlie McCarthy on The Muppet Show?
        Charlie: I tell jokes and Edgar stands next to me and moves his lips.

    • Bright Bart

      Ah! Beat me to it. Question 2, why does “our president ” need protection? Did he do a wrong thing? Did he fail to win hoooogly? Did we now learn that he actually pees and poops?

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Bill D. Burger
  • Villago Delenda Est

    Donald continues to think that everything is about him (naturally!) with this “protect their president” horseshit. Donald, Congrees is a co-equal branch of the Federal Government with the Executive. This is what “checks and balances” is all about. That means, often that Congress not only does not “protect” the President, they actively go after him for “high crimes and misdemeanors”. You know, Impeachment!

    You’re welcome, you ignorant sack of cheeto-faced shitgibbon shit, for this brief lesson in the basic functioning of the Constitution you swore to uphold and defend back in January. You remember, don’t you? That ceremony with the pathetic crowds?

    • From Russia with Love

      I imagine his fingers were crossed when he took the oath of office. Difficult to tell with those Vienna sausages though.

  • Nounverb911
    • Villago Delenda Est

      He’s the Jew, too!

    • From Russia with Love

      We’ll have a much better understanding of what he may or may not have to hide when he finally finishes amending his financial disclosure form and his SF86.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Which may happen sometime in 2019.

        • From Russia with Love

          It’s a living document. LOL

  • UnsaltedSinner

    https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/889467610332528641
    Is there anything more pathetic than a man who made “You’re fired!” his catchphrase, but who doesn’t actually have the guts to fire Jeff Sessions, even though he so clearly wants to?

    • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

      The next time a Trumpkin says, “We won, get over it,” I hope someone points out that Trump hasn’t.

  • Randy Riddle

    That strange Melania cult in Slovenia reminds of the strange Andy Griffith cult that is the major tourist draw of Mount Airy, North Carolina. Even Aunt Bee wanted nothing to do with those Opie worshippers.

  • Bill D. Burger

    …..and don’t forget that The Mooch’s hands are much bigglier’ than Drumpf’s.

    https://twitter.com/BettyBowers/status/889135535721197572

    • Roadstergal

      ‘Smarter and better-looking than Trump’ is a low bar.

      Someone on my FB noted how much the guy looks like The Frozen ’80s Guy with boneitis from Futurama. “Don’t worry about Russian collusion, let me worry about blank.”

  • Nounverb911
    • From Russia with Love

      “So, I’m glad to meet you gentlemen, but I’ve got to run. Thanks for the invite.”

      • Riley Whodat Venable

        Is that my phone? I better take this call.

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      Ominous – he isn’t hiding his face with his hat.

  • Lyly Sirivong

    Oh god, can you imagine a Queen/Trump encounter ? It would be a train wreck. Although I wouldn’t mind seeing Elizabeth go Henry the VIII on him.

    • mancityRed6

      queen to her corgis
      “sic ’em!”

      • From Russia with Love

        “They’re small, but we’ve got lots of them!”

        • Celtic_Gnome

          And it couldn’t be classified as a terrierist plot.

        • Remember that corgi is Welsh for “cattle dog”. Those little yappers are bred for getting big, dumb beasts under control.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      “We are NOT amused.”

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    I am starting to understand some people’s stupidity could lead to this clusterfuck:
    https://twitter.com/PositiveLad/status/889475933710811137

  • From Russia with Love

    “Brian Stelter had to remind Kellyanne Conway that it’s not CNN’s job to push pro-Trump PR.”

    Brian has grown a pair this year.

    • True story, I would have gone to highschool with him were it not for sudden school redistricting maneuver.

      • From Russia with Love

        He was doing Hollywood fluff pieces a couple years ago (probably not by choice). Now he’s ripping the lips of of Trumpians!

      • mardam422

        So, you were schoolymandered out of going to high school with Brian Stetler? Will the outrages never end??!!1?

  • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

    Sorry British Tabloid, all of Trump’s foreign trips are dummy visits.

  • Nounverb911
    • Oblios_Cap

      Because that’s how you make good policy!

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Republicans wouldn’t know good policy if it walked up and gave them a beej.

    • Augustus

      I hate his face

      • OutOfOrbit

        No one with that much Ugly on the inside can keep it from pushing outward.

    • BigCSouthside

      The denocrats rammed Obamacare down our throats though

      • BouncyFlyer

        After only dozens of hearings, and full disclosure of what they were voting on before they did. Uh huh. Where’s your party’s bill?

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Villago Delenda Est

      I’ll never be able to unsee this.

    • bupkus231

      He looks more like Guy Fieri than Guy Fieri does,

  • Les Appentis De la résistance

    Everyone in Melania ‘s small town suspects she is an undercover KGB/FSB/GRU ( or whatever it is they are called now) agent. She’s keeping a low profile but I picture her operating her secret encrypted radio from a Whitehouse closet.

    • Longstreet63

      I hear “Atomic Blonde” is based on her career…

      Hair color changed to give deniability.

    • Claire

      Given the number of batshit stupid plot elements this whole story has, I don’t see how she can NOT be a Putin agent.

  • Weird Fishes

    That puffin just made me feel better.

  • OrG

    Aren’t all tRump visits “dummy” visits?

  • Komsumverweigerer Ron

    A ‘dummy’ state visit. Dammit, Daily Mail, stop doing our jokes for us!

  • UnsaltedSinner
    • Rags

      Wikiquotes says there is no evidence Einstein said this. Others have, far predating him.

      • bupkus231

        And those others were saying it as mockery.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      What the fuck? Why would you post something that fucking stupid?

      • Oblios_Cap

        She’s a Trump

        • Villago Delenda Est

          THIS

      • Riley Whodat Venable

        Would you believe in Special Relativity if you had as many Special Relatives as she does?

    • Ωbjectifier

      “This morning we discovered that Boris was lousy.”

      – Jared

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    Gallup’s daily poll had Trump’s approval rating up 3 points from 36% to 39%. What the hell happened last week that instilled more confidence in Don CorleOrange?

    • Roadstergal

      Sampling errors?

      • Oblios_Cap

        They had both support for and opposition to impeachment both at 42%.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      A lack of brand-new scandals. That’s all. People want to believe in the Presidency, period.

    • Michael R

      It should go up again when he goes on
      vacation for three weeks starting August 3rd

    • mancityRed6

      they stuck with the south east?

    • OrG

      Merica got stupider?

      • msanthropesmr

        Always a good possibility.

    • Doug Langley

      They polled family members only?

    • msanthropesmr

      Random Walk. Be suspicious of no change, change without reason more than 3-4 points in a row of one direction.

    • BigCSouthside

      Scaramunchkin probably bolstered some of his base that may have been wavering

    • Christopher Story

      Margin of error

  • Nounverb911
    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      That’s how I read that statement. Plus: Governing is HARD!

    • Christopher Story

      So, “Best People” is just another empty, hackneyed branding slogan?

  • Mr. Blobfish

    The Mooch sez the White House needs a new communications strategy, and the guy with zero experience is just the person to do it.

    • BigCSouthside

      Rich investor types think they can literally do anything simply because they made a lot of money investing

      • bupkus231

        ..investing in the Wall Street casino…

      • Christopher Story

        What’s embarrassing to me as a human being, is seeing so many of my fellow human beings still regard quantity of wealth as a quality of character. What’s so ironic about that is when they start spouting off famous quotes from every moral leader from Jesus Christ to Dr. King. Men of little means who detested the gratuitous accumulation of wealth, especially to the detriment of others. Cognitive Dissonance I guess.

        • BigCSouthside

          Wealth is the most important quality in America. If you are wealthy you are automatically a genius and to be respected

        • Claire

          Or the Prosperity Gospel.

          Though now it occurs to me to wonder how Trumpanzees square their worship of the rich with their frothing hatred of affluent latte-drinking coastal liberals. Shouldn’t their own gospel tell them we’re better than they are and they should shut up and worship us?

  • Joe Beese

    Donald Trump has been asked to make a ‘dummy run’ visit to Britain later this year for brief talks with Theresa May to show he can avoid embarrassing Queen

    All too easy.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Jokes practically write themselves.

  • NotALiar

    That dude in the NRA ad is part of the NRA’s hip millennial outreach thing. He’s been with them for a while.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Outreach to White Supremacist millennials.

    • BigCSouthside

      Yeah he’s not someone the went and got for this, he is definitely one of those people that tries to normalize owning assault rifles and whatnot. They probably pay him well

  • Joe Beese
    • Msgr_MΩment

      The Trump campaign then failed to get any of that dirt on Hillary.

  • Nounverb911
  • msanthropesmr

    Puffin for Prez 2020

  • Carpe Vagenda

    In which only OG troll brohirrim Wiegel and Heer pretend the problem with demanding that women and minorities bend the knee before you like you’re fucking Loki is that people keep saying it’s sexist.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/70159d05f013320a71466b463f26bb1f4c3301b2bfbc47c95419da2010ed8e31.png

    https://twitter.com/JoyAnnReid/status/889333737829355522

    • Anna Elizabeth: Tank Grrl

      Hey, I don’t mind making more enemies. I stand alone, as always.

      So long, and Fuck You, Dems.

      • Antonin Dvorak

        Those guys aren’t actually Dems, though. They are Bernie purity trolls.

        • Anna Elizabeth: Tank Grrl

          Anyone that says to me “Bend the Knee”, ands *anyone* that supports or tolerates this, is my enemy.

          I am not a follower, I am not sheep. I am a Lioness. If Dems think they’ll throw Women, PoC, and Queers under the bus, then they have declared war on me.

          • Antonin Dvorak

            But there isn’t evidence that Dems are supporting this, considering that these guys want the Dems to “bend”.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        I think you’re mistaking the gentlemen* I linked to for Democrats instead of amoral careerists cosplaying “sensible” liberals to feed conservative and libertarian bullshit to liberals because that’s what rich conservatives and liberal are willing to pay for.

        • Anna Elizabeth: Tank Grrl

          This is hardly the first indication that the Democratic Party will jettison those of us that are inconvenient. It is not even the first indication *today*.

          Know that I will not bow. Let the Straight white males of the Democratic Party know that they should not wish to be my enemy.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            I see some progbro white guys working for Republicans suggesting it. They also suggested we not bother protesting. Six months later, they want to legislate us out of the way because they’ve been slapped down at every turn.

            You’ve got more friends than they do, is what I’m saying.

          • Anna Elizabeth: Tank Grrl

            I am afraid I see things differently.

    • Nockular cavity

      These assholes are just part of the vote suppression effort. Pure and simple.

    • therblig

      where do we send their red wedding invitations?

    • shivaskeeper

      Copying my own comment about “bend the knee” from the overnight thread:

      Bend the knee? Fucking make me.

      Or better yet, show me a plan and worldview that is not based on everyone being forced to acknowledge your supposed superiority just because you said so. Show me something that looks like you put a modicum of thought into it beyond “this is the way I think it should be” with absolutely no idea of how to get there. Show me something more than your attitude when I ask you how your plans are workable. Show me how you intend to build coalitions of various groups to make a stronger whole.

      Tell me exactly which groups we should be throwing under the bus and further marginalizing in order to enact whatever half baked plan you have concocted, because it always comes to that, so I can tell you to fuck off properly.

      TL,DR: Eat a dick you entitled little pricks.

      • Nockular cavity

        That’s good, but I’ll go with WIN A FUCKING ELECTION SOMETIME, because just accomplishing that is clearly beyond them.

        • shivaskeeper

          There was follow up later about taking political advise from people who can’t understand how a closed primary works as well. Among the other problems.

          IOW, they may not be the brightest bulbs in the box.

          • ZangoCrudmonger

            Or better yet, explain how y’all don’t understand ya can’t use your bullhorn in a caucus vote, because rules. Want to change that? Learn procedure and get your people involved.

          • shivaskeeper

            Pretty much. The problem I see there is that will require work and potentially sacrifice. They don;t want it unless it’s handed to them all tied up with a bow.

          • bupkus231

            Could tell that by them naming themselves/their podcast “Chapo Trap House”.

            Does not seem like a political group with any gravitas

          • Erala Contratista

            I thought “Chapo Tap House”…some sort of hipster fedora wearing “craft” brew joint.

            Could be wrong.

      • Carpe Vagenda
        • Man he’s good. Whatever fucking publicist thought Taylor Swift was a good idea should be banned from whatever publicists do together.

  • Joe Beese
    • Riley Whodat Venable

      RIP. Are any of Stubb’s family interested in running?

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • Joe Beese

      Is there bad blood between Hillz and C-Schu?

      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        Not to my knowledge, but Schumer now saying that the Dems had no message and that’s why Hillz lost 2016 is pretty disingenuous.

        • WIDTAP

          Had a message, yes. Got it to resonate with disaffected midwesterners, no.

    • UnsaltedSinner
      • People were calling bullshit on that this morning. Can’t find it atm.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        The think about giving Bernie the benefit of the doubt that he’s sincere about any of this I’ve never understood is that his closest political ally, the guy who sold him to Wall Street when he was still in the House and headhunted him for the Senate, is Chuck Schumer, the slimiest Democrat ever to emerge from the outer boroughs and be owned by Wall Street (and that’s saying a considerable amount).

      • Snopes Shop

        Sounds smarter coming from a man

    • Alexander Stallwitz

      Well, you could do worse than rip off Hilliary Clinton’s plan.

  • jaspersdad

    What’s this I hear about trump going on holiday for 3 weeks?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      FCC has issued warnings for Bedminster airspace for three weeks in August.

  • Iron Monkey

    using “the discovery process to inflict maximum political damage

    As if there is anything wrong with that.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Suddenly all the legal techniques used to get something, anything on Bill Clinton are inappropriate.

  • paxpax

    Trump’s White House officials have been using emoji to refer to one another with Scaramucci as a kissy face, and Reince Priebus as a reindeer. ¯_(ツ)_/¯…….

    All of the other reindeer
    used to laugh and call him names
    They never let poor Reince Priebus
    play in any reindeer games.

    • bupkus231

      Which one is the Goonch? The guy or the fish? Even the fish looks better than Mooch

      • From Russia with Love

        Slightly less slimy.

      • Had a feeling I should clarify. That is a Goonch “killer” catfish. The dude is the host of River Monsters, I think. (Never actually watched it.)

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    The Tweeter and the Mooch!

  • Joe Beese
    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Even W didn’t need the extra babysitting. The world now trolls us for electing a president with the emotional maturity of a cranky toddler who needs a bottle and a nap.

      • Oblios_Cap

        Maybe Trump should start drinking. At least he’d have an excuse for being such an asshole.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        And permanent residency in the corner of the room.

      • From Russia with Love

        Well, W did kinda molest Chancellor Merkel.

  • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

    Dear Wonket: I request you use the below picture whenever referencing Moochi.
    https://tminus3.files.wordpress.com/2011/07/that80sguy.jpg?w=300&h=169

    • msanthropesmr

      You don’t worry about what picture we’ll use. I’ll worry about what picture we’ll use.

      (And really, the safety dance isn’t that safe)

      • Oblios_Cap

        Boneitis is a real bitch. I think I’ll start a GoFundMe page and see how many Republicans will donate to help me defeat it.

        • Tokays_don’t_blink

          They’ll just tell you to bootstrap yer way out. But I knew it was a snark when I saw “Republicans” and “help” in the same sentence.

    • TJ Barke

      My only regret is that he doesn’t have boneitis.

    • Little Lulu Ω

      “Oh and leave the fridge where it is, pal!”

  • bupkus231

    “Congress is set to pass Russian sanctions that Trump has been fighting, kicking and screaming. Weird!”

    Glad to see that NYT story had something about Rump’s “resistance” to this sanctions bill before it was passed – the AP story I read this morning talked about how Rump has caved and will sign the bill – but nothing about his bravado about it while it was still being considered.

    Gee – not only was he unable to come to a “deal” with Congress, he’s not even pitting up a fight about it. If he was anything but a blowhard, he could veto the bill and dare Congress to override his veto. I guess he’s not only a pussygrabber, but a plain ol’ wussy.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Best dealmonger ever!

    • chortlingdingo

      Maybe someone convinced him of how bad it would look if he vetoed the sanctions?

      • bupkus231

        As it is, another piece I just read says that the WH ( actually, Mooch ) hasn’t yet decided whether or not to sign the bill – so apparently it isn’t a done “deal” yet…

    • Who the fuck knows what he’ll do on the day though. I could totally see him throwing a tantrum and not signing.

      Vlad will be v v angry

    • BeachBum

      Vladdykins will not be happy if he signs it but would he bring the house down on Trump and risk getting the Pence mob put in charge ? Ah, the plot thickens, as they say !

  • Joe Beese
    • From Russia with Love

      So, like most billionaires, he showed up anyway without any known agenda.

      • chicken thief

        Then arrived late and sat through the boring part without asking “what did I miss?”. Lots of billionaires I know sit through meetings without cutting to the chase – what can you do for me and what will it cost?

  • Oblios_Cap

    Congress is set to pass Russian sanctions that Trump has been fighting, kicking and screaming. Weird!

    The GOP doesn’t think there’s any merit to the Russian collusion stories, but they pass a law to mitigate any possible damage Trump might do. Hmmm….

    • Rick Hill

      Mehbe they think this is the only way to curb him, with a legislative trap. If he opposes it, there’s a backlash but not against republicans. If he signs it then Russia releases more damging info.

      • Ghenghis McCann

        That sound like a cunning plan. Do they have the brains to think of it?

        • Rick Hill

          Well, they surely haven’t spent their intelligence points crafting a way to shove their health care through

  • Ωbjectifier

    They call it stormy Monday
    But Tuesday’s just as bad

  • mancityRed6

    that NRA video? “sponsored by Ruger”
    tell me how they aren’t in the business of selling guns

    • therblig
    • BigCSouthside

      Everything on NRA tv is sponsored by some manufacturer.

      • Courser_Resistance

        While the ex BF was here last week, I heard gun advertisements on the television, I ran out to see what channel was running Ruger commercials. He’d clicked past it by then, but it must have been NRA TV. Didn’t even know I had the channel.

    • SweetDeeKat

      It’s actually about ethics in gun journalmalism.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    Kushner says he has nothing to hide, but I’d be willing to bet his answer to a lot of questions will be ‘I don’t recall’.

    • therblig

      all his answers will be prefaced with, “Remember, I’m still not under oath, and it was all Don Jr’s idea, but…”

    • Christopher Story

      More like, “Come on guys, I’m too incompetent to be criminally culpable.”

      • Riley Whodat Venable

        But I still will solve the problems between Israel and Palestine.

        • Tokays_don’t_blink

          Yeah, what ever happened with that? It seems to have congealed into steaming piles one typically associates with cow pastures.

          • Ω cynmac will never surrender

            Allegedly, Prince Jared will meet with the Isrealis and Palestinians with the Jordanians as mediators. Since his last talks went oh so well.

          • Tokays_don’t_blink

            Interesting, though if Jordan is mediating it would seem the Prince’s presence is superfluous.

        • BeachBum

          He promised to hook up my printer too. Still waiting.

      • puredog

        Except, by all accounts, he has an extremely exalted view of his own talents.

  • therblig

    rwnj co-worker has, in the past, posted the n-word freely. but whenever he finds an african american who “comes out” as conservative or who supports unlimited concealed carry rights, he’s all “welcome to the fold”.

  • beatbort

    Sorry for the following long list, but I thought it might be useful to some Wonketteers. These are all the members of the House Judiciary Committee, which will (in the best of possible worlds) be considering articles of impeachment. I’ve written to all of the Democrats on the list and a couple of the more “sane” Republicans (granted, “sane” is relative since Louie Gohmert and Steve King sit on this committee).

    Majority (GOP):
    Bob Goodlatte, Virginia, Chairman
    Jim Sensenbrenner, Wisconsin
    Lamar S. Smith, Texas
    Steve Chabot, Ohio
    Darrell Issa, California
    Steve King, Iowa
    Trent Franks, Arizona
    Louie Gohmert, Texas
    Jim Jordan, Ohio
    Ted Poe, Texas
    Tom Marino, Pennsylvania
    Trey Gowdy, South Carolina
    Raúl Labrador, Idaho
    Blake Farenthold, Texas
    Doug Collins, Georgia
    Ron DeSantis, Florida
    Ken Buck, Colorado
    John Ratcliffe, Texas
    Mike Bishop, Michigan
    Martha Roby, Alabama
    Matt Gaetz, Florida
    Mike Johnson, Louisiana
    Andy Biggs, Arizona
    Karen Handel, Georgia

    Minority (Dems):
    John Conyers, Michigan, Ranking Member
    Jerrold Nadler, New York
    Zoe Lofgren, California
    Sheila Jackson Lee, Texas
    Steve Cohen, Tennessee
    Hank Johnson, Georgia
    Ted Deutch, Florida
    Luis Gutiérrez, Illinois
    Karen Bass, California
    Cedric Richmond, Louisiana
    Hakeem Jeffries, New York
    David Cicilline, Rhode Island
    Eric Swalwell, California
    Ted Lieu, California
    Jamie Raskin, Maryland
    Pramila Jayapal, Washington
    Brad Schneider

    • OrG

      All of the rethugs on that list I’ve heard of can be counted on to do the wrong thing.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Every time I see Farenthold’s name, I flash on that pic of him in the jammies.

    • chicken thief

      They aren’t going to impeach anyone until they finish uninsuring 20M people and gutting Medicaid. Priorities, folks!

      • Jim Johnson

        I’m sure they won’t forget their solemn duty to murder a few 100K citizens and put more than a few rural hospitals out of business with their shitty “legislation”.

  • Riley Whodat Venable

    Mr. Gwinn,
    I am so glad you are back. I love this column every day.
    I was afraid you had gone on to Bigger and Worser things.

    • msanthropesmr

      CNN with Chris Cilliza?

      • Oblios_Cap

        Why do you hurt him so?

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    From the “Ask a Stupid Question” Department – dude’s getting dragged for this one. https://twitter.com/mmurraypolitics/status/889476949185372165

  • SterWonk

    The Mooch seems to be bungling Trump’s messages after he went on teevee shows and contradicted statements from other Trump spox. OOPS!

    Doesn’t he know that contradicting statements from Trump spokespeople is Trump’s job?! I’m terrified of the additional terribleness that could ensue if someone takes that away from POTUS… <barf>

  • Alexander Stallwitz

    Oh my god, I figured it out! Our current press secretary is a mob boss. Donnie Trump is a wannabe mobster after all so it makes sense he picked as his press secretary a guy who looks like one from central casting.

    • Erala Contratista

      The bird responded to a photo of the Mooch by giving him all yesterday’s byproduct.
      Back to drumph today.

    • Jeffery Campbell

      Mooch is a mob boss?! Barely a button man.

    • BeachBum

      Probationary 3rd level soldieri hack. I know what you mean.

  • Anna Elizabeth: Tank Grrl

    I almost put my fist through the wall over this “Bend the Knee” shit and this Chuck Schumer shit. I am going to log out until my temper is back under control.

    Know this: I am not afraid of making more enemies, and if the Democrats seek to throw women, People of Color, and Queers away to “win”, then they are the Enemy.

    • chicken thief

      Aren’t straight white males already pretty well represented by the GOP? At least the old fuckers?

    • AnniNoone

      Are they doing that (real question, I’m not trying to start shit)? I know the Berners would throw us away in a heartbeat, but does A Better Deal necessarily conflict with women & minority rights policies?

      • Anna Elizabeth: Tank Grrl

        I was not specifically referring to A Better Deal, but to ongoing signs I’m seeing. On Schumer I was referring to this:

        “When you lose to somebody who has 40 percent popularity, you don’t blame other things – Comey, Russia – you blame yourself,” Schumer told the Post. “So what did we do wrong? People didn’t know what we stood for, just that we were against Trump. And still believe that.”

    • puredog

      You thought Daenerys was being unreasonable?

  • VirginiaWackelpudding

    Puffins! So round and easy to hold. A true bird of pure goodness, unlike the pelican.

    • phoenix00

      They got nothing on seagulls. Or pigeons. Can’t decide which is worse.

      • VirginiaWackelpudding

        Google the video of the pelican in a park eating a pigeon. It’s life changing.

  • Zyxomma

    That puffin was totally adorable.

  • Culinary Mercenary

    If no one else said it I will. All of trumps visits are “dummy” visits.

    • Johnnymoreno

      The Queen will pretend she doesn’t speak english.

  • Jeffery Campbell
    • (((Aron)))

      DON’T LOOK IN THE BOX

  • Cersei totally went full trump. Never go full trump.

  • SisterArtemis

    May have been mentioned below, but the John Lewis ComiCon linky isn’t working.

    • SprinklemagicResistancebuns

      Take the wonkette stuff off the front of the link.

      • SisterArtemis

        Thanks!

  • chicken thief

    Kentucky should sue Huckleberry and Lyin Ted for reimbursement of the $200k since they aided and abetted Kimmy’s bullshit.

  • Khavrinen

    “Stubbs served in office for most of his life, and consistently remained one of the highest polling politicians. ”

    Smartest and most honest, also, too.

    • BeachBum

      I understand he never took anyone’s health ins away.

      • puredog

        Is cat-scratch fever a pre-existing condition?

  • aureolaborealis

    This all reminds me of a song I used to sing while drinking beer around a bonfire after running half-naked through the jungle:

    Why WAS he born so beautiful,
    Why was he born at all?
    He’s NO fucking use to anyone,
    He’s no fucking use at all!
    Him! Him! FUCK HIM!

  • Bill Diaz

    Backdoor libelz! I have done all kinds of ‘backdoor stuff’ with Russians and would recommend them as a people to anyone interested in the topic.

    Have a great day!

  • disqus_lWwzrwNaw6

    God, Jared Kushner gives me the creepy creeps. Besides the whole Upper West Side trust fund brat/private school vibe (you can see them strewn all over Manhattan every afternoon during the school year, practicing their revolting posh accents, vomiting on servers, and in general making you long for a revolution with real guillotines), the fact is that little Count Ciano here is clearly perfectly aware that he’s part of something historically dirty and awful, and that his father-in-law won’t hesitate to throw him to the sharks, or a firing squad, or whatever comes handy, if ever it becomes expedient to do so.

  • cmd resistor

    The Polish thing was a nice surprise.

  • SprinklemagicResistancebuns

    I couldn’t watch that video after seeing the title. After the shooting of Philando Castille, thy have a god damn lot of fucking nerve.

  • puredog

    Donnie to Queen E: “You’re not in very good shape, are you?”

    • Sharon Cooper

      “But indeed we will remain long after your vulgar presence has departed this life, sir. Now get the hell out of our coach.”

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