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It looks like Donald Trump may get his wish for a Jeff Sessions Resignation Happy-Time Fun-Bomb sooner than later, despite how Sessions, who no longer has the confidence of his boss, said he would stay Attorney General as long as was “appropriate.” According to the Washington Post, publishing at the usual GODDAMN WASHINGTON POST FUCK GAH time of 6:51 p.m. on a GODDAMN FUCK GAH Friday night, Sessions straight up flat out LIED to the Senate that confirmed him as AG when he said, unprompted, that he ain’t have no meetin’s with no Russia spy people! Oh, he did? Then it for sure certain warn’t about no Trump campaign!

Here’s what he lied to Al Franken at the time:

“I’m not aware of any of those activities,” he responded. He added: “I have been called a surrogate at a time or two in that campaign and I did not have communications with the Russians.”

And here’s what the Justice Department spox lied to clean up his mess after, when it turned out, OH, THOSE RUSSIANS:

“He was asked during the hearing about communications between Russia and the Trump campaign — not about meetings he took as a senator and a member of the Armed Services Committee,” Flores said.

After everybody pointed this out, he had to RE-CUZE himself from any Trump-Russia investigations! Which means he doesn’t get to fire the special counsel on behalf of the president! And the president, he is so mad about that! If only he could fire Jeff Sessions, he could appoint somebody else who is NOT recused from Trump-Russia investigations, and that person could then either fire special counsel Robert Mueller or put him on a leash that won’t let him look at Trump’s FUCK-HINKY bank accounts! This is, how you say, for Trump, a “win-win.” THE YOOGEST MOST HISTORICAL WIN-WIN IN HISTORY! Here, let him tell you:

TRUMP: So Jeff Sessions takes the job, gets into the job, recuses himself. I then have — which, frankly, I think is very unfair to the president. How do you take a job and then recuse yourself? [Editrix’s note: Because it was the law?] If he would have recused himself before the job, I would have said, “Thanks, Jeff, but I can’t, you know, I’m not going to take you.” [Editrix’s note: Because the AG is just supposed to ride herd on anyone investigating the president? Evan’s note: Also too how do you “recuse” yourself when you don’t have the job in the first damn place!?] It’s extremely unfair, and that’s a mild word, to the president. So he recuses himself. I then end up with a second man, who’s a deputy.

TRUMP: So Jeff Sessions, Jeff Sessions gave some bad answers.

[MAGGIE, UGH] HABERMAN: You mean at the hearing?

TRUMP: Yeah, he gave some answers that were simple questions and should have been simple answers, but they weren’t. He then becomes attorney general, and he then announces he’s going to recuse himself. Why wouldn’t he have told me that before?

And here, now that you are remindered about that distant past of “every day of the last six months,” is what “former and current US officials” — we’d go with “Sean Spicer” and “Steve Bannon,” except that this leak is very beneficial to the president (we mean, except for the part where it proves he’s SO GUILTY) so let’s go with “Boris Epshteyn” and “Donald Trump” — are telling the Washington Post tonight:

Russia’s ambassador to Washington told his superiors in Moscow that he discussed campaign-related matters, including policy issues important to Moscow, with Jeff Sessions during the 2016 presidential race, contrary to public assertions by the embattled attorney general, according to current and former U.S. officials.

Ambassador Sergey Kislyak’s accounts of two conversations with Sessions — then a top foreign policy adviser to Republican candidate Donald Trump — were intercepted by U.S. spy agencies, which monitor the communications of senior Russian officials both in the United States and in Russia. Sessions initially failed to disclose his contacts with Kislyak and then said that the meetings were not about the Trump campaign.

One U.S. official said that Sessions — who testified that he has no recollection of the April encounter — has provided “misleading” statements that are “contradicted by other evidence.” A former official said that the intelligence indicates that Sessions and Kislyak had “substantive” discussions on matters including Trump’s positions on Russia-related issues and prospects for U.S.-Russia relations in a Trump administration.

So that’s that then! Trump will sorrowfully accept Jeff Sessions’s resignation, he will name, hmmmm, who is the most evil lawyer we can think of oh yes Kris Kobach as his next attorney general, and Kris Kobach will be very happy to Bork himself into history.

We just wonder if we can seize all Jefferson Beauregard Sessions’s assets on the way out.

[WaPo]

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  • bookish

    http://www.cnbc.com/2017/07/17/this-national-park-pass-just-got-a-700-percent-price-hike.html

    You need to buy this National Park pass before the price increases by 700 percent

    The National Park Service will raise senior lifetime passes to $80 from $10 on August 28.

    Those with a pass will be grandfathered in.

    • Snopes Shop

      Thanks for the heads up

  • Jenny

    Aaaaaand here comes the Mueller firing. Still though, you think Dump is dripping sweat into his adult diapers? I mean they’ve been given so much rope here.

    • jenny_whyme

      I was going to put on my conspiracy hat and say that Trump’s people dumped this so he could fire Sessions so he could then fire Mueller.

      Problem with this is that Sessions should be charged with perjury. Trump throws Sessions under the bus? Does Sessions turn on Trump?

      I think I need some pop corn.

      • Notreelyhelping

        Why, he might have a few things them fellas might want to hear. Fer justice and all.

      • Jenny

        Should* what are the odds he will?

        • jenny_whyme

          I really suck at odds making..

          This whole thing is such a mess. Watergate was a clusterfuck but it has nothing on this.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        How can Trump use this to fire Sessions after he said this sort of thing is just normal politics? Oh right… Nevermind.

    • Elendira

      well. if Sessions resigns. Then duty falls on Rosenstein, who may or may not resign in protest to the illegal order. The the question is who is next in line and if he has joined the Trump crime family.

      Trump would have to appoint and Congress has to approve another AG candiate. That’s the real test for the republic.

  • geoffalnutt

    Ah, but this just what Trump needs! Now he can hire someone else who WILL fire Bob Mueller. The timing is very, very, very, very suspicious.

    • Jay B.

      Trump could fire Sessions anytime he wanted.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    Predictions on what happens if and when Trump has Mueller fired?

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Republicans in Congress will remark how “Presidential” it is, then move on to privatize our national parks?

  • WotsAllThisThen

    No you’re the puppet!

  • Notreelyhelping

    Well, ah do declare, these scurrilous allegations have just toppled mah apple cart! Tarnation!

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Reached for comment, Sean Hannity said “whose dick do I have to suck to get a job in communications dept. at the WH? Also, Jeff Sessions is a fake, lying AG, and Jake Tapper is a big, fat, lying, media whore, who is probably gay as hell.”

    • JustDon’tSaySortMyBalls

      AOT,S

  • WotsAllThisThen

    So who wants to be Trump’s next AG? Anyone? Anyone? Mueller?

    • Dick St. Dipshit

      I hear Roy Cohn is being recognized more and more.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      via GIPHY

      Rudy!

      • JustDon’tSaySortMyBalls

        *repressing sick feeling you might be right*

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Khavrinen

      I REALLY do not want to see that blue dress.

      • JustDon’tSaySortMyBalls

        Why not? Jeff looks stunning in it!

    • hudson srinivasan

      oh! i would would have thought communication would have been the tricky word. (for e.g., did he communicate orally or rectally?)

      apparently, ‘russians’ is the problem word. who knew?

  • memzilla Ω

    OOPSY! These people certainly are a forgetful bunch, aren’t they?

    “According to the disclosure, 77 assets were ‘inadvertently omitted’ from Mr. Kushner’s earlier form and were added during what the form’s footnotes describe as the ‘ordinary review’ process with the government ethics office.”
    . https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/67964e7f26a1fa2924e7e60933bbdb8dada7959aa3d5ff3b487d881fcd0a96ac.jpg

    • jowgajen

      Jared seems to find that Mueller fellow intimidating.

    • hudson srinivasan

      this is one sly bastard always trying to pull a trick. remember the 100+ contact he casually added?

      thankfully there are people with an active working memory for these things that are keeping track.

      i just cannot keep up with this torrent. and i hate it that there are ordinary people who do not benefit from any of this, and yet lend their support to all this.

  • Khavrinen

    Man, now I’m almost regretting the fact I wasted my “Pope is Catholic/bears shit in the woods” non-comment on that book claiming “Steve Bannon is Asshole, Chris Christie is Gross”. It seems like this week has had one headline after another that it could have applied to.

  • Bananas Foster

    This makes me think Spice Spice Baby took the chance to leave on a high (not the lowest) note.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Spice Spice Baby? He stole that note from Freddy Mercury!

  • Bill D. Burger

    Bull Connor of Munchkin City could have blunted a lot of this if he had the good sense to resign yesterday.
    Now, Turnip has all the ammunition he needs to justify giving Lollipop the boot.

  • memzilla Ω

    BREAKING: White House Says Sessions To Be Replaced As AG by Sergei Kislyak

    • WotsAllThisThen

      If Sergei testifies in his confirmation hearing that he didn’t talk to the Russians, well that’s good enough for me!

    • hudson srinivasan

      breaking? mind-bending more like it.

  • Fartknocker

    So the Alabama pig fucking Keebler Elf admits to violating the Logan Act and Dampnut doesn’t ask for his resignation? Sad, lame, weak, worstest evar.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    Auntie Maxine on the Chris Hayes

    • ziggywiggy

      Double bonus Joy Reid is the guest host!

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Jeffocaster in the West

    He RECRUZED HIMSELF??!!?!?!?!

    • Jeffocaster in the West

      At least he used the reflexive properly……

    • hudson srinivasan

      recruz is actually verb for destroying something by poking one’s nose unnecessarily into something that is already troubled.

      see ted cruz unworkable amendment to gop health care bill for example.

    • cheetojeebus

      See also larrycraiging etc….

    • Ill-Advised

      That’s gotta hurt.

  • Beanz&Berryz

    Well at least Putin didn’t have to wait for Trump to tell him what Russian diplomatic. Ommunicstiobd wr can listen to. Fuck all. We have to give away the entire fucking store to keep Trump from burning it to the ground. Fuck.

    • memzilla Ω

      They already knew and this has been reported on before.

  • Fartknocker

    Ivanka makes $530K off of her Dad’s hotel. Violating the Emolument Clause has been good for the Trumps:
    https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2017-07-21/kushner-s-amended-financial-disclosure-shows-sprawling-assets-j5egyvpg

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    Has anyone checked in on Miss LIndsay?

    https://media.giphy.com/media/XidjMKBVCrFQs/giphy.gif

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    I didn’t know Neil Hamburger’s brother, Tom, was a journalist.

  • memzilla Ω

    Who could have ever foreseen that someone named after two traitors to the United States would turn out to be a traitor to the United States?

  • OrdinaryJoe
  • Apple Scruff

    Ha ha… Maxine Waters said the trail is “leading to impeachment” and she then laughed.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • WotsAllThisThen

      Circle takes the square. Paul Lynde for AG!

      • JustDon’tSaySortMyBalls

        Oh come on. Paul was smart and funny. Jeff-Bo, OTOH…

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Guys, guys… You’re forgetting Jason Chaffetz already looked into this stuff and told us there’s nothing there. And he got his info first hand from the White House so you know it’s accurate!

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    “I say…I say, that is…I will stay on as long as it is appropriate. Proper, that is.”
    *WaPo publishes*
    “Let me, uh, rephrase that…”

  • Michael R
    • Dick St. Dipshit

      Try Gerber’s for your little goober.

  • Picabo

    “There is no real direction here, neither lines of power nor cooperation. Decisions are never really made – at best they manage to emerge, from a chaos of peeves, whims, hallucinations and all around assholery. ”
    ― Thomas Pynchon, Gravity’s Rainbow

  • tomamitai

    and that person could then either fire special counsel Robert Mueller or put him on a leash that won’t let him look at Trump’s FUCK-HINKY bank accounts

    But all of that stuff is pertinent to the question of whether or not Trump is beholden to Russians and is being run by them. Forbidding Mueller from looking at it makes his job way harder. Also too, those assholes were pleased as punch when the Supremes let Paula Jones go ahead with her suit against Clinton while he was in office and with all that followed, except his acquittal, so fuck them, let the fishing begin!

  • jowgajen

    So …. now we know what Donnie and Putie were talking about over dinner.

    “Will no one rid me of this troublesome Attorney General?”

    • Jenny

      Nah dumbass was totes excited about his new best friend. The entire room needed to know they are such good friends. Like the weird kid who follows you around cuz your mom invited him over and said play with him.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • JustDon’tSaySortMyBalls

      Oof, that “complete confidence” part is the clincher.

  • Dick St. Dipshit

    Thanks for playing our game, Jeff. Be sure to pick up your Trump steaks and Trump vodka consolation prizes on the way out.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Absolutely! Resigning isn’t punishment enough by itself! The little ratbastard’ should be forced to eat and drink Trump products for a year.

  • Jenny

    Kushner, Sessions, and Nunes busted in their shit lies, and Spicer says fuck this I’m done lying. …

    It was Spicer with a knife, in the bushes!

    • WotsAllThisThen

      There, there, Spicey. We’ll always have the inauguration crowd.

    • Jimh

      My money was on lead pipe.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    So Scaramucci’s new nickname is “Mini-Trump?”

    • Bill D. Burger

      And, so apropos, ‘Mooch’

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Or, formally, A.S. Moocher.

        • kareemachan

          I read somewhere Scarymoocher.

    • JustDon’tSaySortMyBalls

      Wait! Not “Fandango”?

      • Me not sure

        🎵He can’t do the fandango.🎶

    • Jeffocaster in the West

      Mini-pee?

    • Walter Wellstone

      Mooch.

  • Me not sure

    “I love this job and intend to stay on as long as it is appropriate, and by appropriate I mean as long as the checks don’t bounce.”

    • jowgajen

      Well, to be fair it was never appropriate.

  • KatieAnnieOakley
  • Lyly Sirivong

    Oh, his goose is soooo cooked.

  • Bub, Zombie in mourning
    • WotsAllThisThen

      One reply: “If he wasn’t somebody’s son-in-law he’d be long gone.”

      LOL, if he wasn’t somebody’s son-in-law he wouldn’t be anywhere near there in the first place!

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      He’s revised it 39 times . . . or, once every 3-4 days.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        It’s amazing he can do that and still have time to broker a lasting peace in the mideast.

        • Bub, Zombie in mourning

          A remarkable fellow, without a doubt. There are barely enough hours in the day! Fortunately, Donnie is willing to help out with Jared’s connubial duties.

          • hudson srinivasan

            hi quality, even.

          • JustDon’tSaySortMyBalls

            ew ew ew ew ew ew w ew ew ew

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    So the Republicans won’t do anything because 30% of of America is dedicated to Trump no matter what.

    • Dick St. Dipshit

      If your political life depends on those 30%, and the alternative is finding honest work – whaddaya gonna do?

  • Sashineb
  • msanthropesmr

    So, I’ve been on the road all day. Anything interesting happen?

    • Walter Wellstone

      Spicer quit.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Nah. Just the usual.

      • msanthropesmr

        Giant meteor?

        • Dick St. Dipshit

          No such luck.

        • Jeffocaster in the West

          No but if i get up at 5:45AM tomorrow I can see the International (Russian) space station for 6 minutes pass over……….

    • Jeffocaster in the West

      I bladed the road to the well…..

      • kareemachan

        Can you blade our driveway? The local delivery business refuses to drive up it any more (new driver, what a wuss).

        • Jeffocaster in the West

          Let’s start with the state…..

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Neighbor got new curtains.

      • Occupied Territory of Kavefish

        Is that good news or bad news?

    • hudson srinivasan

      same old. same old. scandals by the hour.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Democracy has cancer and it’s metastasized

    • Michael R

      Someone died , and someone’s married .

      • Lamb Urgini

        They threw her out in the street ,
        but just like a cat she landed on her feet .

      • Ill-Advised

        Did the laundry, and applied for a couple of jobs. Networked even, like an adult.

        Our town is quiet.

    • Yr. Gma

      I noticed the “Olds” button is gone.

    • JustDon’tSaySortMyBalls

      I think there’s a sale in JC Penney’s robes and hoods department.

    • bluicebank

      The Doobie Brothers broke up.

      • msanthropesmr

        How will I listen to the Music now?

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      Got a bunch of gluing done, and bought more books.

  • Me not sure

    Tony “Da Mooch” Scaramucci called Trump an “unbelievable” President. Irony is just not a vocabule in their vocabulary.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      He’s right. I still don’t fucking believe it.

      • Me not sure

        I don’t believe a word he says, either.

      • bluicebank

        One day I will wake up. Then I will post on Wonkette about this nightmare I had. Then I will be banned and featured in that week’s deleted comments.

  • janecita
    • Apple Scruff

      He’s hilarious! He’s great on Twitter, too.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      That is great.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Bill D. Burger
    • JustDon’tSaySortMyBalls

      You’re going to milk the cookie angle, aren’t you?

      • kareemachan

        We should all chip in and dough so.

        • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

          Nilla, please!

          • NellCote71

            Mexican wedding cookie? Sorry got nothing. (Takes another sip of vodka and lemonade with mint grown under the dripping backdoor faucet, which is how we roll in the South.)

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    I hate to say this, but please don’t resign.

    • Apple Scruff

      I was thinking the exact same thing. This leak is from the WH and they want to use it as an excuse to get rid of him so they can replace him with someone who’ll fire Mueller.

      • Snopes Shop

        Bingo

        • NellCote71

          Alas, poor Bork. I knew him, a man of infinite jest.

      • data_ninja

        Aside from a constitutional crisis, what might happen if Mueller gets fired? I thought I read some congressman saying that then congress would appoint him/rehire him, and it would just keep going on. I’ll need to find the link that says that though.

        • Apple Scruff

          Adam Schiff said that a little while ago. But according to some experts on the TV last night, they’re saying it’s unlikely this could happen. I choose to believe them because otherwise, I’ll die a little inside.

  • ariel_gee_398

    Sessions is deeply tied to Trump’s funders and to the Russian dirt. I hope he’s smart enough to not fall on his sword for these idiots.

    He said that Mercer, Farage and co had all met at a conference in Washington. “The best dinner we ever went to. Around that table were all the rejects of the political world. And the rejects of the political world are now effectively in the White House. It’s extraordinary. Jeff Sessions. [Former national security adviser Michael] Flynn, the whole lot of them. They were all there.”

    https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2017/may/14/robert-mercer-cambridge-analytica-leave-eu-referendum-brexit-campaigns

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      Depends on how much of the Flavor-Aid he’s drunk.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Jeffocaster in the West

    There once was an AG from Selma
    Who served in the Trump realm-a
    He was served some borsht
    And lied about this course
    And is going to land up in the slam-a

    • Jeffocaster in the West

      The world’s most obtuse limerick.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Jeff Sessions repeats this old song,
      As if deep in the throes of a bong:
      “Can’t remember,” he’ll drawl.
      But he’ll somehow recall
      That he’s NEVER done anything wrong.

  • Me not sure

    “I always been a civil rights supporter. I even make cookies that mix black and white together. I must admit that I like the white parts best.”

  • WotsAllThisThen

    I can’t wait to hear how this was all a diabolical setup by Hillary.

    • Occupied Territory of Kavefish

      She’s actually the one to tell Sessions to support Trump.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        She WOULD do that! Even if it’s not true the fact that I would believe it says a lot about her character!

    • ariel_gee_398

      Putin kills his enemies, Hillary kills her enemies. You think that’s a coincidence?

    • kareemachan

      No, Hillary AND Obama.

  • Anna Rompage

    The only thing that saddens me is that this POS will be collecting a hearty pension, and great healthcare benefits for the rest of his life, that are paid for by you and me…

    • NellCote71

      Yes, I feel so good about my support of a spineless racist who rails against welfare recipients.

    • Ill-Advised

      …, who will have neither.

      At least, I won’t, if the “Republican agenda” I keep hearing about passes.

  • bluicebank

    Many mixed feelings today over the Keebler’s predicament.

    First, the Cheech & Chong faction is breaking out vintage Zig-Zags, and lovingly rolling a fatty.

    Over at the KGB/GRU/whatever, they are in deep thought about who to appoint as a replacement.

    Back at G-Man/Square-Jawed Central HQ, more sand bags are filled, and thankfully Mueller has all the fifty-cals loaded.

    Inside the legal team of Suits, the argument over the color of power ties is resolved, and they opt for clown shoes.

  • Anna Rompage

    Is this Russia’s way to intervene in our policitcs again, by getting Sessions fired, so that Donad can appoint a AG that has the ability to fire Mueller?

    I’m starting to get the gist of what all those private meetings with Putin were about…

    • Snopes Shop

      Yes

    • NellCote71

      My thoughts, too, that we were being played.

      • Snopes Shop

        Played like fiddles we were

        • Yr. Gma

          “We”?

          • Snopes Shop

            Not “we” we

          • Yr. Gma

            Oh, good.

          • JustDon’tSaySortMyBalls

            is that a pee pee joke?

          • doktorzoom

            Oui!

            Non?

    • Beowoof14

      Well if Putin were handling things, Jeff would have had a bowl of polonium soup by now.

      • Old town Urbandale

        I was just sitting wondering if the top Google search phrase for Washington D.C. is now “What does polonium taste like?”

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Poor guy. Some days the only thing that cheers him up is asset forfeiture.

  • Yr. Gma

    You know, between Sessions and Spicey being turfed out like this (under the bus), I’m doubly glad I didn’t take that White House job I was offered. Oh, wait…

    • jaspersdad

      Could have used you Gma.

    • JustDon’tSaySortMyBalls

      Uh huh. You’re the White House Leaker, aren’t you? Confess!

      • Yr. Gma

        Man, I’d be streaming WH gossip on Wonkette.

      • NellCote71

        The WH has room for only one leaker, if you get my drift.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    So how much shit gets leaked when Mueller gets fired?

  • Bill D. Burger

    Who’s gonna’ be Sessions’ replacement.

    I’m pulling for O.J. ___ Pardon issued and slate wiped clean. Enormous experience with law enforcement and our judicial system. Has known Donny for years. No brainer!

    https://i0.wp.com/www.breakingburgh.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/sessionsojJPEG.jpg?resize=777%2C437

    • Yr. Gma

      Too tan.

      • Bill D. Burger

        Gary Busey it is then!

        http://i.imgur.com/1CIdwrQ.jpg

        • Three Finger Salute

          Eric’s real dad.

          Better send Jerkaldo to find his birth certificate.

    • Ricky Gay

      Able to leap over baggage!

    • bluicebank

      Has backup Bronco in case slow-speed chase required.

    • NellCote71

      Trump could choose worse. cf: Perry, DeVoss, Price, et al.

      • JustDon’tSaySortMyBalls

        And probably will.

  • Michael R
  • Manhattan123

    What a shame such a nice fellow has fallen in to so much trouble. He seemed like one of the more presentable racists and bigots.

  • Ricky Gay

    The only asset he will never have seized is his soul. Sad.Weak. -fin

    • Anna Rompage

      What soul?

      • Ricky Gay

        Exactly

  • Anna Rompage

    Do you think they’ll let Sessions bunk with Trump in Leavenworth? Or are they gonna put him in with Maurice?

    • Manhattan123

      They will both have got sanctuary in Vladivostok by then.

      • Anna Rompage

        Is that the Russian version of Woodstock?

        • II Gosala

          More like the Aleutian islands.

        • eggs ackly-wright

          Or Tunguska.

      • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

        Oh, Vlado has this really nice luxury complex for them to live in, it’s very nice with all the amenities, he’s explained that the Russian word for “luxury complex” is “gulag.”

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        I don’t think they will rate a Black Sea Dacha.

  • ariel_gee_398

    I shudder to think what unemployment might be like for Jeff. I can just picture him puttering around his house all day in his robe and hood.

    • Bill D. Burger

      He can always pick up extra $$$ by sitting on a shelf for people at Christmas.

      Seasonal work…but honest.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Well if it honest work, he won’t take it.

      • QHarp, Mujer malévola

        Civil present forfeiture for the bad kids. Also maybe for the good kids depending on how bad the neighbor up the street wants a Stingray.

    • eggs ackly-wright

      Tending the eternal flaming cross.

  • weejee

    The Bork will run very deep in this executive derpitude that is the Orange DOJ.

  • Anna Rompage

    The only dem to vote for the confirmation of Sessions was Joe Fucking Manchin, may he rot in hell when his time comes due…

    • NellCote71

      Munching is such a DINO.

      • Al Swearengen

        As much as I dislike him, he’s got to win elections in West Virginia. Not easy as a not-Republican. But I do think he goes too far to the damn right.

        At least he helps in the count to take over.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      To be fair, racism isn’t seen as a negative in WV

      • To be doublely fair, Manch is a Democrat in much the same way Trump was a Democrat until spring 2015.

  • kareemachan

    O/T: This sickened me even more than Sessions or Scarymoocher today:

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/florida-teens-mock-film-man-drowning-disability_us_597229f3e4b00e4363df267c

    How the HELL could they do that.

    • Florida.
      And right now there is a true current of I get to be as big a scum sucking dickwad as I want to be in this country.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      They are children of Donald.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      After nine years in this hell-hole, nothing, absolutely nothing about Florida surprises me.

  • The Reverend Stu’

    Perhaps Drumpf discovered there wasn’t a chocolate chip in every bite…

  • Trump does not even do Saturday Night Masacres right.
    You are supposed you your fired the peeps looking into your shit- not force all your loyalists to retire before they get arrested.

  • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

    Trump’s nattering assumes he didn’t know that Sessions had been talking to Russians. Of course he knew.
    And the possibility that forcing Sessions to resign, thus enabling Trump to appoint an attorney general who would fire Mueller sounds like the kind of Wile E Coyote- Acme Birdseed- Safe on The Head scheme that would be thought up by his genius advisors.

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas
    • Everrett Fanuelli

      The thing we’re failing to notice is that Trump will get away with this. His enablers in congress, the media and his supporters will provide cover.

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        That’s where public pressure is really going to matter.
        Also, I think things have gone too far for that. Had they not fired Comey, and had the email not turned up, then yes, they might have buried the whole thing. But the press is not going to let up, the leakers will not let up, and there will continue to be public pressure for answers.

    • II Gosala

      I agree. Any replacement for Sessions will face a tough fight in the Senate and firing Mueller would result in a storm that would make the original Saturday night massacre look like a Night at the Opera.

  • Michael R
    • Chyron HR

      Needs more “(unintelligible)”.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Figures he doesn’t know when the Cheez-It becomes mature. He never did.

      • Ill-Advised

        The first time I read that, I got “manure.” Then I realized you were talking about The Clipboard Quiz of Maturity, which His Orangeness knows not of.

  • Up In Smoke O’hontas

    Has everyone got their shocked face on? I know I don’t.

    • OutOfOrbit

      I think my face is stuck in a “Phut” shape.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      My “Hell, I figured this out months ago” face got so overused that I had to send it to the dry cleaner’s.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    I think we need an uplifting literary pause, don’t you?

    I certainly do, though I say it who shouldn’t. So I present:

    Ковфеф!

    by Henry Wadsworth Shortfingers

    The shades of night were falling fast,
    As through the Twitter thingy passed
    An orange slob who rolled the dice,
    And twatted out the strange device,
    Ковфефe!

    His gut is big but not his hands,
    It’s decades since he’s seen his glans.
    His tie’s too long and far from spiffy,
    His personal hygiene is iffy.
    Ковфефe!

    His hair is bad; his brain a fog,
    Dead as a Huckster family dog,
    And from his giant pie-hole rung
    His foreign Master’s Slavic tongue,
    Ковфефe!

    “Follow advice!” a lawyer said;
    “You’re in way, way above your head,
    One more dumb tweet and you are fried!”
    And loud that braying voice replied,
    Ковфефe!

    “Oh, stay,” the hookers said, “and see
    Our underaged but winsome pee!”
    “My sons are dumb, advisors wussies,
    But though I’ll gladly grab your pussies,
    Ковфефe!”

    At break of day, they found him well
    Next to a half-gummed taco shell.
    And to their ever-growing fright,
    He said, “I’ll tweet some more tonight.
    Ковфеф!”

    • Dick St. Dipshit

      I think we’ve found our next poet laureate.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Thanks, although I think it helps if you read it in the voice of Bullwinkle J. Moose. Or Boris Badenov.

    • Tokays_don’t_blink

      Brilliant! Have an Internet!

      • Mehmeisterjr

        I’ll be here all week. Try the canned clams.

  • JoeChristmas

    Fuck, The Swindler IC will then pardon the Perjurer Weasel General.

    • OutOfOrbit

      Mebbe not: the jeffy is on that OPOS’s shit list now, so…

      • Dude meets with Russians for him and he chucks him under the bus.
        I hope his closed door interrogation session is released on audio tape ^.^

  • Drunken Interlocutor

    The Russians leaked this, folks. Think about it. Sowing further dissent and confusion is the name of the game. Or, maybe this world has gone so batshit, glue-sniffing, mindlessly-banging-your-head-on-the-wall nuts, that I have, too.

    • Russians would not want this leaked because it jeopardizes their puppet in cheif who is looking the other way in Syria and Ukraine and happily squashing Nato right now.
      Someone sure as shoot leaked this however and my money is on Bannon who wants to blow the entire thing up and anyway, then they can hire someone who can fire Mueller.

      • Covfefe

        Nor could Red Don have leaked it. It tends to prove his campaign colluded with Russia. Only one this benefits is Pence, and only if Pence himself is clean.

        • ooooo good point.
          Might it be time for the Establishment to throw off the orange yam?

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Dense is stupid. He’s dirty, but he thinks Jesus cleans him. Nuh uh, Mikey.

          • I figured Pence was the establishment anchor to this mess, always keeping quiet, letting things build, etc.
            Now that it is very clear the menace carries no weight and is likely up to his neck in illegal, it seems reasonable that they will shut him to the side, piously declare it is all the Democrat’s fault, and get on with wrecking shit.

            If this is true, expect Fox to start detailing how Trump is actually an impediment to their agenda

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        Good luck with that – pissing of the Forest Service is one thing. Pissing off career law enforcement and prosecutors?

        • Like that matters with this administration? They just fire the people who actually know what they are doing and fill the positions with their lickspittles anyway

      • Drunken Interlocutor

        He’s more like Chucky and less like an inanimate puppet now, which makes him less a direct asset to Russia. Easliy manipulated? Yes. Reliable or predictable? Not at all. He’s the bull-in-the-chinashop of American democracy.

        • Naw, they own his dumb ass. They want Nato diminished and America so embroiled in its own problems that they ignore the world.
          That is what they are getting.

          • Drunken Interlocutor

            They may own his dumb ass, and it looks like they have for a loooong time…like Manafort and Kushner. However, contrary to his purported goal of weakening NATO, I’m confident it’ll end up strengthened…without the US role as before, or at least until DJT takes up office somewhere in a federal prison. NATO has strong institutional foundations that will remain intact.

          • I sure hope so. But I worry about how a buncha smaller countries against a big one are going to fare. Seems to me we’ve been there before and it did not go terrific like.

    • data_ninja

      I’d subscribe some to that theory. Getting him in was the first part of the plan, controlling his administration would be the second. The third and final part would be to cause chaos and confusion in the system, affecting it from the top down. Then do whatever you want while they are too busy trying to figure things out and put out the fires.

      If a large natural disaster hits soon, something like Hurricane Katrina, we are truly and royally screwed. Because that is when the shit will REALLY start leaking out.

  • Komsumverweigerer Ron

    How long until Donnie is wandering all alone in the WH, all the lights off except the glow of the TV, ranting about betrayal and threatening people who aren’t there, until he has one final stroke and collapses in a puddle of rancid body fluids on the Reagan carpet.

    • JustDon’tSaySortMyBalls

      That’s the epilogue. We’re in, like, Act II Scene 3

    • SisterArtemis

      well, up to the part where he collapses in the gooey puddle, I suspect some nights are very much like that in the WH.

      • Roni Raven, Undercovfefe Agent

        The collapse part or the gooey puddle part?

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        No wonder Melanoma wants to hide out in NYC with her bot-toy.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      Or we all become like that.

    • handyhippie65

      either too soon, or not soon enough. goldilocks doesn’t live here any more. she moved to canada, and the bitch wouldn’t let me hide in the trunk.

  • Picabo
    • Wild Cat

      Lotta talent there long gone.
      One died young.
      The other chose godawful roles.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Pacino was a dish in the ’70s. Back when he was Bruce Springsteen’s long lost twin brother.

        • Wild Cat

          Even his lesser films back then were better than his higher-level stuff recently, for the most part.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Attica

  • discussions on matters including Trump’s positions on Russia-related issues and prospects for U.S.-Russia relations in a Trump administration.
    Ohhh looky. Collusion!!!!!

    • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

      Who knew? Oh yeah, everyfuckingbody.

  • Relativicus

    Unless something’s changed at this posting, my guess is Jeffrey meant what he said yesterday. He’s enjoying the shit out of reconstructing Reconstruction, and ante-belluming the Ante-Bellum. Beauregard gon’ make ol’ Trump fi-ra his ass.

    • NellCote71

      “As God is my witness, as God is my witness they’re not going to lick me. I’m going to live through this and when it’s all over, I’ll never be hungry again. No, nor any of my folk. If I have to lie, steal, cheat or kill. As God is my witness, I’ll never be hungry again.”

      • Roni Raven, Undercovfefe Agent

        Scarlett never claimed to be pious, though.

        I think if you replace “As God is my witness” with “God fucking dammit” it’s more true to character, but of course mainstream writers and moviemakers didn’t use those words in their works back then.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      There’s nobody who can FUBAR things like some dickhead who is absolutely convinced that God is on their side.

  • JoeChristmas

    And yet, for 22 weeks since Flynn has been dismissed, not one of those un-American GOP cowards in congress has stood up to this lying, cheating, treasonous swindler.

    • Yr. Gma

      Apparently they just bitch and whine about him behind closed doors.

      • JoeChristmas

        We gotta get them tax cuts for the rich done first!

        • NellCote71

          And screw all the poor, sick, elderly children. And the environment. And international relations.

          • Dick St. Dipshit

            Won’t someone think of the elderly children?!

        • Dick St. Dipshit

          Priorities, goddamnit!

  • Anna Rompage

    “Um, it an anonymous source? ”

    Sarah Hucksterbee

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω
  • Villago Delenda Est

    It’s all lies. All the way down. That’s how Team Trump operates.

    • Wild Cat

      Ever read “In God We Trust” by Mikey Weinstein?

  • RobKanC

    It takes some skill to take a respected institution and turn it into a clown car in 6 months.. Its all fun and games until some asshole finance guy cooks up a grift which collapses the world economy.

  • SisterArtemis

    Geez, take a few hours away from Life In The Big World to earn the rent money, and ALL FUCKING HELL BREAKS LOOSE!

    Oh, yeah, it’s a Friday, and this is the Trump Administration. Guess I shouldn’t be so surprised. Rachel Maddow should be fun tonight!

    • OutOfOrbit

      She is.

    • NellCote71

      Good thing I am retired and can do the MSNBC and online all day and night. Otherwise, I would be you’re fired.

    • Few hours, eh? Earn rent money?
      hmhmmmmmmmm

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        I don’t think they’re a member of the Seamstress’ Guild…

        • SisterArtemis

          Well, some certainly consider my profession to be of the low-down and scuzzy sort. I certainly don’t or I wouldn’t be doing it.

          • Lawyer then

          • data_ninja

            Could be used car salesperson.

          • Cost accountant?
            Never sure what those are, but every brittish author ever is way down on em

          • SisterArtemis

            I wish, and don’t wish. Would love the money, would not love the schooling or the world of lawyering. Our business’ attorney once called me a junior lawyer because I wrote our employee contracts – plain language, but fairly detailed – and all she had to do was reorganize a bit and lawyer-ize the language.

          • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

            Waitress at Denny’s?

          • SisterArtemis

            Well, the two professions do have certain annoying things in common…

          • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

            I worked for that suck-ass company for 13 years.

          • handyhippie65

            you work in the trump administration?

          • SisterArtemis

            NEVAH!!!!!!!!!

          • Roni Raven, Undercovfefe Agent

            “Consultant”?

          • SisterArtemis

            “Tattooer”
            *sigh*
            My boss, years ago when she had no easily visible tattooing, was being pressured by her Aunt to tell her more about her job. She hemmed and hawed, talking about being an artist, doing custom work, etc. Finally her Aunt, a rather stern old lady, demanded to know EXACTLY what she did. My boss replies, “Aunty, I’m a tattoo artist.” Aunty’s eyebrows shot up. “A TATTOO ARTIST!!? You might as well be a DRUG dealer or a PROSTITUTE!”
            Good ol’ Aunty. She didn’t like me much the first time I met her, but she warmed up to me after I snuck her a second gin and tonic.

  • JoeChristmas

    I was visualizing those fudge stripes with swastikas or a rebel flag motif on them.

    • Anna Rompage

      The only fudge stripes right now are the ones Sessions just left in his drawers after this story broke

      • NellCote71

        Heh, heh. I like your “humor.”

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Drip, drip, drip Gush, gush, gush!

  • Anna Rompage

    Each and every day it just keeps getting worse and worse…

    You know there’s a solid number of congresscritters that know what’s going on, as they have access to all of the classified info…

    So my question is why the fuck aren’t more republican congress people standing up for America?

    • rofl.
      What does it benefit them?

    • OutOfOrbit

      They are in it themselves, and pootin’s into them.

      • Roni Raven, Undercovfefe Agent

        DING DING DING we have a winner!

    • II Gosala

      Because it’s not about America. It’s about their keeping their jobs. Nothing will happen until the Republicans see defeat aft the polls.

      • Not even their jobs so much as their ability to give their rich sponsors what they want.
        They lose their job, the next one will take over and they themselves will get shuffled to the next place.

        • II Gosala

          Maybe. But I don’t think so. The Republican party is such a nest of vipers that I don’t see them trusting each other enough to play that game.

          • Trust has nothing to do with it XD They are all bought and paid.
            No, really. They say they get donations and what not, but each one is stamped on the ass with the names of some mega rich folks.
            Sorta like NASCAR stickers on a race car, only on asses.

          • II Gosala

            Well I guess we disagree and time will tell.

    • RobKanC

      They will as soon as they find a way to extract money from the patriotic and geriatric white folk..

    • Bub, Zombie in mourning

      Because they are greedy, stupid poltroons.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Because they represent a very small sliver of the country: themselves and the richies. As long as things are okay for them, then who gives a fuck.

    • ariel_gee_398

      I’m not sure the critters knew about this one: https://twitter.com/juliaioffe/status/888543841959235584

      • ah well, he is a Dem tho, right?

        • ariel_gee_398

          Yeah, but he’s the ranking member on the Intelligence Committee. Of course, his reaction could be because he knew about this but didn’t think it should have been made public.

      • Roni Raven, Undercovfefe Agent

        Maybe he blanched not because he didn’t know about it, but because he was shocked it was leaked.

    • handyhippie65

      because they hate it?

  • Anna Rompage

    And in other news, Lying Spice is suppose to appear on Hannity this evening…

    The safe space for all the traitorous republican snowflake cucks…

    • Spice will be very telling on Hannity.
      He is either going to stand by his man and blame it on the witchhunting Dems or…
      He is going to go another way.
      If Hannity screams at him for going the otherway, situation normal. If he does not, the Establishment coup is well underway.

      • Anna Rompage

        If he’s going on Hannity, you bet he’s gonna spin this in a trump friendly way…

        I heard Spicy is actually staying on until the end of August to help with the transition…

        • Interesting. Is he really, or was that White House spin to make it look good?
          Would be fun to see how fast Spice flees DC

        • Mehmeisterjr

          Why in the fucking hell would he do that unless he is completely crazy. Even Banquo didn’t stick around for Macbeth’s inaugural party before he was an actual ghost.

        • BoatOfVelociraptors

          The outgoing ethics director gently reminded Spicer to file his disclose forms…

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω
    • Notreelyhelping

      I’ve got no memory
      Of anything at all

  • gullywompr

    John Miller, probs.

  • Bub, Zombie in mourning

    Was looking at comments on a Bloomberg story, and was struck by how fast the Trumpkins have adopted the terms “deep state” and “fake news.” Virtually every comment mentions one or the other, sometimes both. It appears your typical Trump supporter is a derp tabula rasa.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Trumpkins == Russian Bots?

    • Your average Trump supporter online is not even usa American.

    • RobKanC

      Is deep state like a new sexual position?

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        It’s not in the Kama Sutra …

        • RobKanC

          Golden shower is not in there as well..

          • NellCote71

            Russian hotel can be found under Obama, bed.

        • hudson srinivasan

          forget vatsayana, we are all getting fucked up in positions never before imagined in the history of mankind.

      • You wanna know how to get them to sputter with their deep state stuff?
        Ask them how, controlling all branches of government, can anyone deep state anything they do?
        They get all sputtery when you ask that ^.^

        • RobKanC

          I thought Hillary was the president as I was watched Fox News the last couple of days..

          • II Gosala

            Well who knows how many illegal votes there were. She might well be President.

      • Anna Rompage

        Only if they’re large enough to get past the bend in the colon…

        • OutOfOrbit

          –and that odd comma.

          • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

            and the semicolon, AKA a colostomy bag.

      • Wild Cat

        Linda Lovenation was in it.

        • NellCote71

          Y’all just being silly, now.

    • hudson srinivasan

      to be rasa there has to be a tabula. no tabula at all is my guess.

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        Are his methods unsound?

    • Michael R

      Odd that fake news was never a topic of conversation until Trump came along , even to the 70% of repubicans who believe Obama is a Muslim / born in Kenya .

    • Tokays_don’t_blink

      You may have been witnessing the sock puppet in its native habitat. Did you notice if the comments contained similar phrasing, misspellings and the like? From my observations,that crap is especially common following articles on climate change.

  • janecita

    Republicans can’t even fake empathy, this story is disgusting.

    Arizona Senate Candidate: John McCain Should ‘Step Away as Quickly as Possible’ After Cancer Diagnosis – TIME
    https://apple.news/ADQd-1o1oSnSCFzJpUwGPiw

    • RobKanC

      You got to have a soul to do that.

    • Remember how Wellstone’s memorial was THE WORST because those dirty liberals bood Republicans and they turned it into a political rally and used the death for political gain?
      Yeah. About that projection shit….

  • Relativicus

    So I was enjoying the hell out of my DVR’d (it’s a word!) resurrection of “Battle of the Network Stars” when I let the recording run to its finish. In that last two minutes I discovered a horrible, terrible secret … they’ve resurrected “The Gong Show.”

    Worse, they sat some English comedian named “Tommy Maitland” in Chuck Berris’s unfillable seat.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/82e27e4bf2c4499f5dc013eb01f310f9870d286196e31ef6180e01a759137a3b.jpg

    Worser, that English comedian named “Tommy Maitland” is actually the I-Can’t-Believe-He-Still-Has-To-Do-Shit-Like-This Michael Myers.

    To me, “Network Stars” is a great piece of nostalgia that can translate to any era. Meanwhile, “The Gong Show” belongs to Chuck Berris, and Chuck Berris isn’t here to kick all your asses sideways into last week, so cut the shit.

    (They probably won’t cut the shit. The dicks.)

  • Pat_Pending

    Whee! Y’know, there’s never been any reference to a Mrs. Keebler Elf at home in Bammy. Might JeffyBS (his hip-hop moniker) be, as they say, a confirmed bachelor??? Hmm? Not that there’s anything wrong with that…

    • Truck Fump

      His wife held the bibble at his swearin in.

  • Anna Rompage

    A little off topic

    Do I make a BLT for dinner, or a Tuna melt with bacon?

    • Y not both?

      • OutOfOrbit

        A cap Y standing alone gives me a sexytime feeling.

    • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

      Tuna with bacon. Best of both.

    • SisterArtemis

      BLT, but stick some cheese on there. Bacon. Cheese. Like peas n carrots, bread and butter, Franken and Davis…

    • RobKanC

      Canned Clams with Bacon and Tuna

    • handyhippie65

      i’d throw away the nasty tomato, but that’s just me.

      • II Gosala

        Nasty Tomato is the name of my punk duwop doo wop band

      • Roni Raven, Undercovfefe Agent

        I would too, but I would definitely stick with the luscious flavorful homegrown tomato.

        • handyhippie65

          i grow maters for my mom, and to sell. they are only good for ketchup, and pasta sauce.

    • hudson srinivasan

      when in doubt why not both?

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      Yes.

    • II Gosala

      BLT definitely.

    • Doug Langley

      The tuna would certainly increase the protein content, but you’re sure to get cancer from the mercury.

      • sw19covfefe

        Only when it’s in retrograde.

        • Doug Langley

          And the moon is in the seventh house.

        • Anna Rompage

          That’s nothing compared to when Mercury is right next to Uranus…

          • sw19covfefe

            Painful blisters!

          • Anna Rompage

            That’s just anal herpes, it’ll go away given enough time

    • jowgajen

      Depends on if you have avocado or not.

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω
  • msanthropesmr
    • Anna Rompage

      Ah, the Henry Weinhards of the north!

      • Dick St. Dipshit

        Snort!

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        I liked Henry’s until it became Strohs.

    • OutOfOrbit

      Kinda saw “Blatt” for a moment.

    • Richard Jokes

      Did you take this picture?

      • msanthropesmr

        Ob course!

        • Richard Jokes

          Shirtless? :)

  • Anna Rompage

    Uh oh, it looks like Disqus is going about as wonky as Paul Ryan…

    Is anyone else having issues?

    • hudson srinivasan

      crashed twice for me.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Been dodgy all evening for me.

    • Michael R

      yes post picture nothing shows ( or does it ? )

    • Doug Langley

      You mean, as opposed to how it usually works?

      • it usually works???

      • Anna Rompage

        I usually have good luck with it running on Firefox, though it won’t let me post pics… I have to do that from my phone

  • Picabo

    Good night Wonkateers. I love you all.
    Ode an die Freude ( Ode to Joy )
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kbJcQYVtZMo

    • hudson srinivasan

      night night picabo. i’m also calling it a day. 20+ hours last couple of days.

    • Moldy Weißwurst
      • Old town Urbandale

        My dog came running. I think she thought I was torturing cats.

        • Paul

          Good doggie.

  • hudson srinivasan

    one thing has to be said. in balance, nyt and wapo and are doing a stellar job.

    • Roni Raven, Undercovfefe Agent

      Just a year or so TOO LATE.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Follow-up from WaPo:

    Jeff Sessions just got in more trouble — and now he’s put Trump in a box, too

    If Trump does want to get rid of Sessions, it would seem that more of
    Sessions’s “bad answers” about his meetings with Kislyak are on the
    table to justify it. The problem for Trump is that using that
    justification would also lend credence to the idea that there was
    something untoward about those meetings. Trump has repeatedly suggested
    that the entire Russia investigation is a “hoax” and a “witch hunt,” so
    the idea that he’s suddenly that concerned about Sessions’s Russia
    contacts would be difficult to reconcile.

    Hee hee hee…

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      One would think but IOKIYAR

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      Replying to add:

      It would also be difficult to square with other top Trump allies and family
      members who have failed to acknowledge or be transparent about their
      meetings with Russians. How could Trump take issue with Sessions’s
      failures to correctly characterize his meetings with Russians but not
      with Donald Trump Jr., whose meeting seeking opposition research about Hillary Clinton allegedly from the Russian government
      came to light this month? And then what about Jared Kushner’s meetings,
      which include that one, a meeting with Kislyak and a meeting with the
      head of a Russian state-owned bank. None of them were disclosed on his security clearance form when
      he joined the White House. Trump would need to explain why Sessions’s
      failures were bad and his son’s and son-in-law’s weren’t.

      HEE HEE HEE…

      • Steely_Fan

        >Trump would need to explain…
        Sorry, assumes facts not in evidence. Drumpf has never even tried to explain the thousands of bald-faced lies he has told and the myriad contradictions between things he has said/twatted in the past and what he says/twats today. And no one ‘cept us faithful lefties calls him on his bullshit. Until/unless he fires Sessions and Mueller and the Rethugs grow spines and convene a truly bipartisan select committee to get to the bottom of the Russian conspiracy and his corrupt financial ties to the oligarchs we are well and truly fucked.

      • Opalescent Riddles

        Sessions is not the result of his impregnating anything (allegedly) so he does not get the same Pass as Donnie Juneyore.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω
    • Wild Cat

      “Hitler & Co. say the Jews are Bankers and Communists. This contradicts itself, but who cares—almost everyone in his nation wants to kill the Jews and grab their possessions, so reality has no decency, truth has no meaning.”

      • sw19covfefe

        Hitler & Co – Worst department store EVAR!

        • Anna Rompage

          Even worse than Blood Bath & Beyond…

          • sw19covfefe

            …and the less said about Home Despot, the better.

          • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

            Cabela’s “Camping” Gear
            Blitzkrogers

          • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

            Wehrmart

          • Opalescent Riddles

            Pubix.
            Nickelback’s (that’s Kroger’s to certain cognoscenti).

            Oh, wait, this isn’t the Open Thread. I recuse myself from further Off-Topic-itude.

          • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

            I bow to your brilliance *throws roses*

          • Opalescent Riddles

            And here I’ve been calling it Bed Bath & Bullshit.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      That’s assuming that Lumpenfurher has a problem with two separate lies at the same time. It’s never bothered him before. It’s true if he says it now. What he said last week doesn’t matter

      • NellCote71

        Last week? Try 4 hours ago.

    • hudson srinivasan

      it appears like they are going to dismantle this wonky wheel one cog at a time.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Reconcile is not a word in the donald vocab….

      • marxalot

        Yeah, this is a guy who doesn’t seem to understand how bad it looks to be heard asking about how the Presidential pardon works, or that it matters that it looks bad.

        • RMKH

          This is a guy who intentionally stiffs his contractors and dares them to sue him. He doesn’t care how bad anything looks as long as he thinks he’s advancing his agenda.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        To be fair, only a small number of words are in the Donald vocabulary. Bad, sad, unfair, truck, grab, pussy, terrific, covfefe. That’s about it.

      • Opalescent Riddles

        If only because of the syllable count.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors
    • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

      That’s why they’re trying so hard to get Sessions to resign.

  • Ian Bruce 伊恩·布鲁斯

    “Fortunately, ah say, fortunately, ah keep my lies numbered for just such an emergency”. — Beauregard Leghorn.

    • redarmyzombie

      “Ah say, ah mean ah say, you keep my name away from that damn keebler elf!”

      -Foghorn

      • marxalot

        “Ah say, boy, if brains was dynamite that thar elf couldn’t, Ah say, couldn’t blow his nose.”

        • Old town Urbandale

          Life imitates art imitates… whatever. I wonder if Senator Claghorn on The Fred Allen Show ever had aspirations of being Attorney General. (“That’s a joke, son!”)

    • bluicebank

      Mr. Leghorn will be sorely missed. But never forgot.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    More from WaPo:

    Looking for normalcy in Washington? Don’t look to Trump and his White House.

    Friday’s dramatic staff shake-up was only the culmination of a turbulent week in the Trump presidency, one that also included a remarkable presidential scolding of Attorney General Jeff Sessions, an apparent warning to special counsel Robert S. Mueller III, and the dramatic collapse of the Senate health-care bill that produced an
    exhortation by Trump for the senators to get back to work — without offering constructive ideas of his own.

    These were new and ominous signs of an administration that remains adrift and of a
    president frustrated with almost everything and everyone around him. Together, they portray a president who appears to believe that if he can only put the most loyal people in the most critical jobs, his troubles will somehow disappear. That, too, is a misunderstanding of the situation in which he now finds himself.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/1cfbb120eefab8076ae8e31418af5e96830748abb9023da56631d660f118a9fb.gif

    • marxalot

      Funnily enough, the old refrain “if only the right people were in these jobs, it would work!” is well known to the Russian people, too. It is the cry of failing to understand your situation.

      • II Gosala

        When the system is broken, it doesn’t matter who’s in what position.

        Richard Niebuhr, Moral Man and Immoral Society needs to have the dust brushed off.

    • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith
    • Opalescent Riddles

      ” an exhortation by Trump for the senators to get back to work — without offering constructive ideas of his own.”

      That would require that he attempt to understand the situation, which he didn’t and doesn’t. This passage from the editorial is spot on.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • Truck Fump
  • sw19covfefe

    Help! I’ve fallen in a 90’s rap hole and can’t get out!
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=63ZIf2H9S0E

  • marxalot

    What are the odds that the Senate will approve the next lawyer Dump’d into the job? And what are the odds that that guy, whoever he turns out to be, is not also recorded going deep throat with Kis;yak et al?

    • Anna Rompage

      I think at this point, the GOP needs to hand the reigns over to the Dems…

      • Alan

        I think the entire GOP needs to be arrested. They are 100% complicit and this isn’t just incompetence, it’s criminal.

        • bbayliss

          The sad part?
          This is not hyperbole.

          • Alan

            Absolutely. This is real life and I’m amazed at these assholes.

    • II Gosala

      A. 0.5
      B. 0.99

    • Jennifer R

      He can just name an acting AG without congressional approval.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • Anna Rompage
  • Anna Rompage

    Jeff Sessions just found out that, in Russia, the Kislyak does you…

  • Three Finger Salute

    Finally a travel ban that makes sense

    After Otto Wambier’s death while in government custody, the U.S. has banned its citizens from traveling to North Korea

    Now if only we could have retroactively banned Russkies from traveling to Mar-a-Lago…

  • Roni Raven, Undercovfefe Agent
  • Michael R

    Open thread ?
    I think this praying mantis camouflagued
    himself to match this vintage formica

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/eb35b9ab80a7e1393657257e3b3ca7d43b371aff07556b3770270bdf984dca84.jpg

    • I was pulling weeds today and felt something claw my finger, so I dropped the weeds and did a girly eeeeeppp and then one of those things but green crawled out, and it turned its head and stared me down.
      Mantis 1, Jen 0

      • Mr. Blobfish

        They’re still small. Wait until they are a foot long. Bug nerd update. I saw a Cicada Killer one day before the Cicadas started making their racket last week.

      • jaspersdad

        I saw a study recently showing Mantis’s killing and eating the brains of small birds.

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        I hate those things.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Bad news for anyone who was maybe hoping against hope for a Republican who would be a profile in courage:

    https://twitter.com/JoyAnnReid/status/888544161946906624

    • data_ninja

      I truly fear they will hold America hostage to this administration until they get their ransom tax cuts.

  • Bureaucrap

    I predict the next AG will be Harvey Levin (of People’s Court, TMZ, etc). Making him AG ensures not only obedience on coverup matters, but FABULOUS coverage of him on TMZ.

    • bbayliss

      Great for ratings.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Even my congress critter doesn’t know WTF to say, apparently:

    https://twitter.com/juliaioffe/status/888543841959235584

    • we have to go to canada for family crap next weekend.

      i think we may take our cats and other valuables.

      • marxalot

        Don’t come back.

  • Maclare 🍦🍦

    Meanwhile, in other Important News:

    Exhumation of Salvador Dalí’s Remains Finds His Mustache Still Intact

    http://www.nbcnews.com/news/world/exhumation-salvador-dali-s-remains-finds-his-mustache-still-intact-n785211

  • Arki J. Kirwin-Muller

    The way that this administration is collapsing in on itself is on the one hand, really wonderful, because I want it to end…

    But on the other hand, it’s terrifying, because the government is completely broken right now and it needs to be functional.

    And
    holding these two things in my head at the same time is a bit of a
    strain, to be honest. I hope it all comes to a head and ends real soon,
    as this dysfunction and paralysis of the federal system is hurting
    everyone, damaging our international ties, and it’s just.. so… damn…
    STRESSFUL.

    • I think that might make you a patriot. Not the flag bra wearing don’t never say nuthin about mah country (unless there is a black guy in charge) type, but an actual I want my country to be good and succeed type.
      Good for you

      • Arki J. Kirwin-Muller

        Thanks, Abby. That means a lot to me, it really does. I do want America to succeed. It’s why I emigrated here :)

        • I too would not mind if it got over its shit and did the right thing more often. But, we’ll keep fighting and working and protesting and voting and trying to make it do just that. Because we’re Patriots and we love her, not like a finished work of art, but rather as a work in progress.

    • marxalot

      I too, want this to be over in a way that doesn’t result in disaster and chaos. Let us join hands and contact the living.

      • Arki J. Kirwin-Muller

        Yeah. It feels to me like pulling off a band-aid. The slow tugging is just… excruciating. Lets just get it all out there, get it all DONE and get back to GOVERNING and RUNNING A NATION.

        Please. Oh god, please.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Got an “oh, fuck” moment for us, NYT link?

    Polish Parliament Approves Law Curtailing Courts’ Independence

    Brushing aside warnings from the European Union and ignoring tens of thousands of protesters in the streets, Poland’s
    Parliament gave final approval to a landmark measure on Saturday that
    would restructure the Supreme Court, putting it under effective control
    of the governing party.

    I see the death of democracy is contagious. Fuck.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Don’t let the Republicans see this!

    • data_ninja

      I heard about this on NPR. I believe there is the snowballs chance of the president vetoing it, but extremely unlikely.

    • sw19covfefe

      The EU bit off more than it could chew, once it started rapid expansion into the former Eastern Bloc.
      Take more care, or you could choke….

      • NellCote71

        Turkey says, “Wait for me.”

    • jaspersdad

      Trump administration looks on with envy.

    • VirginiaWackelpudding

      Poor Poland. Did not know they had secret nazi envy.

      • Rags

        Why do you think 4-5 went there first.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Jeez. I leave you guys alone for a couple of hours and look what happens.

  • Cogswell – in a mirror darkly

    Anyone who would eat a Jeff Sessions well done with ketchup on top of it all is one sick son of a bitch.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Interesting alternate leaker possibility–I should have thought of this, but that’s why Malcolm Nance exists:

    https://twitter.com/MalcolmNance/status/888562505265688582

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Bingo. As much as I loathe Beauregard, his usefulness now is that he is recused from Russia matters. Trump is looking for a reason to dump him so he can appoint a lickspittle to fire Mueller and exonerate the Trump crime family.

    • data_ninja

      Sounds about right. It’s the wikileaks game: use a third party to convey your message/agenda.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        Iraq war era NY Times and Dick Cheney libelz!

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    And Malcolm has another intriguing possible leaker idea:

    https://twitter.com/MalcolmNance/status/888567650581966848

  • CripesAmighty

    Guess he didn’t get the message: “BACK IT UP AGAIN, TONY!”

  • Alan

    If the asshole republican congress continues to let Trump fire people to cover up his own criminal behavior they should all be put in handcuffs too. How is this even happening in the country I grew up in? I don’t recognize it anymore.

  • Poly_Ester

    This is amazing, after 50+ years of trying, the Russians finally found themselves a dupe in Trump. They became so eager, even desperate to consolidate their gain that they lost track of the “deep state.”

    • (((fka_donnie_d)))

      Naw, they don’t give a fuck. They successfully trolled the US election system, now they are doing All Of The Victory Laps. If they wanted to influence anything, they wouldn’t have said shit.

      • Maybe. Except a destabilized USA is their aim, and there is little better way to destabilize than to utterly destroy the credibility of all branches.

        • (((fka_donnie_d)))

          Insofar as appearance of destabilization is indistinguishable from reality, yes.

      • Anna Rompage

        Yep, they’re celebrating… perhaps they didn’t get everything they wanted, but they got way more than they thought they ever would have

        • Not only that, but it seems as if the GOP is more than willing to look the other way so long as they get what they want.
          Bonus.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • Drudge gets whisked by Kushner?

    • (((fka_donnie_d)))

      God, nobody gives a fuck about the palace intrigue anymore. The only real question is, is it possible to impeach this asshole and prosecute him/Ivanka/Jared/Mini-Me 1 and 2

      • BadKitty904

        Or force him to resign.

        • (((fka_donnie_d)))

          You back! Izzit me, or have you been gone awhile?

          • BadKitty904

            A break for supper-time with my honeybun. Now we’re on the couch with the kitties, sipping a tint of amontillado – he’s looking at a new boating catalog and I’m typing and dozing.

          • Anna Rompage

            Watch out for those boat catalogs… those, car magazine, and tool catalogs all trigger the same area of the brain as looking at porn in men…

          • BadKitty904

            Oh, GOD, don’t even. Still, I’d rather have him addicted to that damned boat of his than smoking cracks or chasing boys.

          • (((fka_donnie_d)))

            Well, I meant more like _months_. But maybe I wasn’t paying attention. Or we were on different threads.

            Didn’t even know that amontillado existed anywhere outside of Poe, now will have to try to buy some just for the bucket list.

          • BadKitty904

            Oh, I’ve been trundling along, though mostly on the daytime threads.

            Still about, still popular (in Spain, at least), and still very tasty, as an aperitif or a dessert wine. Sandeman’s Medium-Dry “Character” is fairly easy to find, for example.

          • (((fka_donnie_d)))

            Mmm, not too expensive either, it seems. Gonna have to give it a shot. But, after my surgery (God, I hate to say it but I fucking cannot wait for that shit).

          • BadKitty904

            Think of it as a reward and part of a successful recovery.

          • (((fka_donnie_d)))

            That, too. The truly sucky part about a hiatal hernia is finding out you can’t eat half the supermarket, and finding out which half the hard way. F’r instance, the meds make me lactose intolerant.

          • BadKitty904

            Dang. Don’t they give you a list up front or some such? “Avoid escargots” or some such?

          • (((fka_donnie_d)))

            Hah, I fucking wish. The GI guy (who is in charge of this, that, and the other committee at the hospital, and part of this, that and the other professional org) put me on meds that are associated with all kinds of fun side-effects in the long term. Killing your kidneys, giving you bone damage cause they fuck with calcium uptake, the fun shit. Thank God my PCP took one look at the research (which I had to google myself – thanks fellas!) and signed off on surgery.

            And then I had to go and get my cat scans (myself, cause they wouldn’t ship them to my PCP cause of hipaa, even though the people in the PCP office said he should have gotten them automatically cause he’s registered in the hospital) and there was no fucking abnormality there whatsoever. So, I now need an endoscopy and I can’t get one til the 29th of August (ffs), cause I passed on the first one when the GI guy swallowed whole the diagnosis that the fucking hospital gave me on _no fucking evidence_.

            Point of the long and not very funny story, if your brain is functioning to any extent whatsoever do not let _any_ of these motherfuckers drive. It’s your fucking car. At best, they can give you directions.

    • Anna Rompage

      Who fucking cares about the power plays going on in the WH, impeach this traitorous mother fucker, and all of his admin now…

      • natoslug

        Time to reserve a wing in Guantanamo for all of them. A lifetime reservation in the sun and sand in glorious Cuba.

        • Anna Rompage

          Unfortunately they’re white, which disqualifies someone from entry into GitMo

          • natoslug

            Fine. I’ll settle for Leavenworth. Or Ol’ Sparky.

    • Wild Cat

      Clyde and Maggie will never redeem their asses. Their coverage of the election from 2015 until the final death knell of the US on 11/9 was surreal.
      And Drudge is such a self-loathing whore.

    • BigCSouthside

      Bannon has been on the brink for four fuckin months

      • marxalot

        Longer than that, according to his dealer.
        Heeey, you suppose his complexion is by Krokodil?

  • (((fka_donnie_d)))

    I’m waiting with bated breath to see how many of his supporters will start wearing this shit as a badge of honor.

    I think for the first time in history we have a president who is completely and utterly disinterested in governing. He wants to be left the fuck alone, with his Fux News and his Twitter, and any hint that he’s going to be held accountable for anything a-tall enrages him beyond endurance. He thinks he can rig the system so he skates for four years, leave town with a solid income to keep himself in style, and thumb his nose at his critics. Terrifyingly, he may be right.

    • TundraGrifter

      “Bated breath?” What are you trying to catch?

      • rebecca

        no, that’s the right one! baited is the worm.

  • BadKitty904
    • data_ninja

      Ooompa Looompa doopity dump
      You should never have worked for Trump

      • BadKitty904

        Ooompa, looompa, doopity, dial,
        If you did, you’re going to trial!

        • Résistance Land Shark Ω

          Oompa Loompa doompa dah dee
          If you are wise you’ll listen to me
          What do you get from a glut of TV?
          A pain in the neck and an IQ of three
          Why don’t you try simply reading a book?
          Or could you just not bear to look?
          You’ll get no
          You’ll get no
          You’ll get no
          You’ll get no
          You’ll get no commercials

    • Roni Raven, Undercovfefe Agent

      I feel like every time a Trump employee quits, a demon loses its wings.

  • Poly_Ester

    why does the Keebler elf look like Mitch?

    • Roni Raven, Undercovfefe Agent

      Meh, who can tell old white guys apart?

      • They all look a like to me

        • Roni Raven, Undercovfefe Agent

          My point exactly.

          • bbayliss

            Ha! I’m finally offended.
            Your ageist. racist views have besmirched my delicate sensibilities.

          • I was actually referring to corrupt conservative politicians.
            But that is all right, we all have a cross to bare ^.^

          • bbayliss

            Damn, I’ve been trying really hard to be offended.

      • That’s what I tell people who think they recognize me: we all look alike.

  • Anna Rompage

    Did Jeff Sessions just take first place as the biggest dick asshole in the Senate, or does Ted Cruz still hold that spot?

    • bbayliss

      Cruz

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Jayuff is no longer a Senator. He’s a soon to be ex AG.

      • Poly_Ester

        And one of the more distinguished tenures as AG for a neoconfederate.

  • Wild Cat

    Dog, like Hungary and Poland, we’re insane pseudo-democracies.
    Good job, GOP traitors!

    • BadKitty904
      • Wild Cat

        Poland just declared they’re essentially a dictatorship.
        Schmucks.

        • Anna Rompage

          If we can do it, why can’t they?

          • Wild Cat

            Good point. At least they’re more blatant, which is refreshing.
            Time to emmigrate, if possible.

        • TundraGrifter

          I’ll let you know. We’re flying there Sunday for a visit.

        • Roni Raven, Undercovfefe Agent

          Isn’t that where Donald just made the speech that his enemies in his press called the best speech made on foreign soil by an American president?

          Sorry, liver. If I have to suffer this, you do, too.

  • Jennifer R

    I am seeing friends. And I forgot to bring my phone charger. Bugger.

    • TundraGrifter

      So don’t call or text your friends – just talk to ’em. it works!

      • Jennifer R

        Except I need access to Wallet to move money around to eat.

        • Roni Raven, Undercovfefe Agent

          Your friends can’t spot you for a few hours?

          • Jennifer R

            Until Monday? Like they could but I feel worthless already.

        • TundraGrifter

          I’m so low tech I carry cash.

          • Jennifer R

            I put all my money in to rent at the start of the month and my roommate pays me back as she gets paid. Right now she is 4 hours away, so if I wanna eat Wallet or Squarepay it is.

          • TundraGrifter

            JR: Please – it’s all in good fun! It would come as no surprise if you have considerably more money than I do – and that you’re better looking.

          • Jennifer R

            I an sure that neither of us are anywhere near even median wage.

          • TundraGrifter

            I know I make more than Median. He’s a jerk.

    • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

      I’m stupid but aren’t all phones using mini-USB ports, now?

      • Rags

        Ha. USB c…..

      • Jennifer R

        USB-c for mine.

        • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

          See, I have no effing idea what “-c” means.

          • Jennifer R

            There are 5 kinds of USB form factor. USB A which is the thing you think of first. USB B which is kind of square and mostly on printers. Mini USB A and mini USB B are the small ones you think of for mini and are almost fucking impossible to eyeball. USB C is newer, similar in size to a mini connection, reversible, and was designed with high charge devices in mind. On a full speed charge, my battery fills up in like 20 minutes.

          • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

            5 kinds? So much for “universal”, huh?

      • Angela Ruzzo

        In the past 16 years I have had 6 different cell phones, and every one of them had a different kind of port, requiring a different car charger and a different home charger. It’s all a plot to make us buy new gadgets every time we change phones.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    I say mid-August. when people think it’s finally safe to go on vacation:

    https://twitter.com/TeaPainUSA

  • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

    Odds are Trump leaked it so he could get rid of Sessions and get an AG who hadn’t recused himself from the Russian investigation.
    We spent two years, went through about 20 candidates, wasted God knows how much money, and wound up with this? Jesus Fucking Christ.

    • BadKitty904

      “We”? Russia and its Republican collaborators did this.

    • Jennifer R

      We shouldn’t let the republicans ever vote again.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Was this a thing? If so, I’ve already forgotten about it:

    https://twitter.com/fawfulfan/status/888559227706331137

    • Roni Raven, Undercovfefe Agent

      Yes, he had wide bipartisan support initially.

      Look up the Gingrich monster’s about-face on the topic.

    • BadKitty904

      Oops.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    I met with Russian Ambassador Sergey Kislyak.

    • Maclare 🍦🍦

      I’m Spartacus!

      • Anna Rompage

        I am the walrus, koo koo catchoo

    • BadKitty904

      Today, we have all met with Russian Ambassador Sergey Kislyak.

    • marxalot

      I saw Goody Proctor talkin’ with the Ambassador!

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • BadKitty904

      Now, why would they do a thing like that, I wonder?

    • Anna Rompage

      Jesus, Douche bank has already been busted for laundering dirty Russian money a while ago, through Wilbur Ross’s bank in Cyprus even…

      You Know who else has connections to Cyprus banks? The fucking “lawyer” that met with Jr, as well as a shit ton of sanctioned Russians that have been doing business with the Trump & Kushner clans for years…

      Are journalists actually paid to do the shitty job they do, or is it just a volunteer staff these days?

    • Tiffany de Houston

      He “forgot” to include a 285 million dollar loan. Happens all the time!

  • IdiokraticDrumpfenResistance

    Some people call him Maurice Jong Un. https://twitter.com/DPRK_News/status/888419989975420933

    • Wild Cat

      Really love his speeches,
      Want to shake his kimchee.

      c kjs 2017

      • BadKitty904

        Thanks. My husband is asking what I’m chuckling about…

        • Wild Cat

          Gracias—it took me four and a half decades to get even with that song. they played it nonstop before i even understood the stoner/sexual humor on AM.

  • Bub, Zombie in mourning
    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      If Donald has a good golf game this weekend, it could happen. Beyond that, my jaw will permanently drop if he lasts after this.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    This is far too harsh. I say eight weeks:

    https://twitter.com/peterdaou/status/888581426047836160

  • Poly_Ester

    Its soooooo unfair to go after Trump for a few early missteps. After all, he has never been president before (or even an adult).

    • BadKitty904

      The Oval Office doesn’t come with training wheels.

      • Poly_Ester

        In this case a tricycle would be more appropriate.

      • RMKH

        How about training diapers?

      • TJ Barke

        Lately it’s just the Offal Office.

    • Pilotshark

      the old double whammy.

  • Cock Blockula

    Buh-bye, Jeff Secessionist, we’re glad we hardly knew ye!

    • Tiffany de Houston

      Has little Jeffy lawyered up hisself yet? Maybe he’s getting that done before he quits.

  • BigCSouthside

    I don’t think Sessions makes it to Monday. Mueller will be out shortly after.

    • RMKH

      Then the storm will be raging, out on the streets today

      • Angela Ruzzo

        This is part of Bannon’s plan, and why he is behind all the suggested laws to make public protesting illegal. We need to tread carefully here. Only very large numbers of public protests will work, because they can’t arrest 10 million people – there isn’t room in the jails to put them all.

    • Poly_Ester

      Thus ends the American experiment in democracy, since Congress will wimp out,

    • Villago Delenda Est

      If Donald tries to fire Mueller, all hell will break lose.

      There is nothing he could possibly do to make himself look more guilty.

  • Pilotshark

    “said he would stay Attorney General as long as was “appropriate.”
    well the appropriate part took what 5 hours? maybe 8.

    • SisterArtemis

      I thought that choice of wording gave him a fair amount of latitude, and for a very good reason.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    As much as I despise Wolf Blitzer, I may have to check this forum out when I get home:

    https://twitter.com/kylegriffin1/status/888558176156647425

  • rebecca

    if y’all could gently and not like COMMENT NAZIS let your colleagues know that open threads are open threads; if there’s one already marked open thread, then a later post doesn’t just become the open thread.

    JUST SAYING, SO I CAN READ COMMENTS ON THE STORY ITSELF IS ALL.

    thanks guys,

    love love love

    • BadKitty904

      Oops. OK, ’nuff said, boss.

    • WHOOPS. Sorry, Becca.
      In my defense I was on topic at least twice! (legit forgot which window I was posting in)

    • Dick St. Dipshit

      You’re not the boss of me!

      Oh, wait . . .

      • SisterArtemis

        You better!
        She is BEST Mom of Us!

        • Veronicacwise

          Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family! !pc238d:
          On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
          !pc238:
          ➽➽
          ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialJobsCash548MediaQuickPay$97Hour ★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★:::::!pc238l..,..

    • data_ninja

      Can do. Maybe change the publishing date on the open thread one like doc did that one time? It seemed to help.

    • Shanzgood

      Do you think it might help keep us hooligans in line if the OT stayed at the top? I think people gravitate to the most recent one after hours and assume it’s the open one.

      Just an idea.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Thanks, I was just wondering what the rule was on that.

    • (((fka_donnie_d)))

      Well, I know this ain’t an open thread, I just got distracted cause I’m ADD like… Squirrel!

    • Angela Ruzzo

      You are wise, and all-knowing, and we love you, and you are right, but it is difficult to refrain from replying to OT comments because we get carried away with ideas they trigger, because all Wonkette readers are brilliant and can’t always turn off the brain juice. Also, too, the last 6 months has made many of us start drinking way too early, at which point we lose self control. :-(

  • Blackest Noobs

    but wait, the Keebler Elf hasn’t resigned….yet, right?

  • BigCSouthside

    Scaramunchkin is not reporting to the Chief of Staff. Wtf

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Shortbus didn’t want him, nor did the Bannonazi.

  • Rags

    I tell you what, I’m scared shitless that 4-5 is going to stroke out, opening the door for Pence to ‘ carry out the Trump mandate.’

    • I think that was plan A. They are moving up to plan B because this shit’s gettin too real too fast for em

    • Angela Ruzzo

      You are wise to be scared shitless. Pence is much more dangerous.

  • Royal Ugly Dude

    I’ll wager 3,000 quatloos Sessions doesn’t make it to the end of Shark Week.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      The Secret Service has already changed his code name to ‘chum’

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    You can’t make me noncomment here! Just for that, I’m going back over to the open thread and noncomment about this story…

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Heading off for now on this note–the resistance is quick!

    https://twitter.com/funder/status/888476686051823618

  • bumfug

    You have to at least expect that lights are on late at CIA tonight as they debate whether it’s finally time to greenlight The Boys On The Knoll.

  • Jenny

    Things would probably be easier for all of them if they all just fucking resigned.

    It’s like watching a trapped mouse chew off his own leg.

    • FlownΩver

      Trump has chewed off two of his already, but not the one caught in the trap.

  • Edith Prickly
  • RMKH

    Ok, so where da open thread (says the semi-rookie)?

  • shivaskeeper

    He’s not officially out yet though.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Trump Tower Moscow. That is the beginning and end of story.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Anyone who doesn’t believe that the boy king is the one who leaked the damaging intel about the elf just plain hasn’t been paying attention. This is exactly the pretext he needs to fire him and bring in his own Bork.

    • shivaskeeper

      Priebus or Bannon maybe. I just don;t see him having the brain power to do this on his own. Jared is another option.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        I’d bet Bannon did the dirty work, the boy king probably just blathered “make it happen!”

        • Left Coast Tom

          Bannon was against firing Comey, the Dauphin was the one who pushed it.

          Jared seems like a good option – L’il Donnie is up to his neck in Russia, but Jared’s in just as deep.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            They’re all dishonest and corrupt enough to suspect

          • shivaskeeper

            IK, R?

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Jared isn’t exactly Albert Einstein, either.

        • BigCSouthside

          Jared, of the three, has the most dirt on him and the most to lose.

        • shivaskeeper

          He is not. However if Mueller starts digging into DJTs financials and we assume he follows the evidence wherever it leads, Jared will be caught up in it as well. He has a lot to lose here.

    • Walter Wellstone

      You mean gnome. Elves are tall and slim, or so I hear.

      • shivaskeeper

        Keebler style.

        • Walter Wellstone

          Ah, gotcha. Makes sense.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Not so sure. The story is said to come from US Americans intelligence. I doubt they are big fans of this administration.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        But he has access to that intel. Two Scoops floated the trial balloon about canning Secessions and when it didn’t go over very well probably leaked the dirt necessary to fire him

      • Left Coast Tom

        They’re not, but are they the ones who “leaked” this?

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          I just don’t see the IC leaking it the day after Donnie floated the trial balloon about firing him. They wouldn’t do Donnie any favors, especially now

          • Opalescent Riddles

            Unless they’re playing 11-dimensional chess and want him to fire Sessions and then (after perhaps a few moves) Mueller, in which case the shit really starts to leak.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        No doubt other NATO intel agencies have this info too.

      • Covfefe

        I don’t see how much his benefits a Donald who keeps saying there’s nothing to the alleged collusion with Russia. Donald doesn’t need a reason to you’re fired JeffBo. He can do it whenever he wants.

        • BigCSouthside

          He needs him to resign

        • Left Coast Tom

          He can, but he can’t appoint a replacement without Senate approval.

    • FlownΩver

      Has anybody double-checked on Melon’s country of origin lately? “Slovenia” can’t be a real place.

      • Left Coast Tom

        Well, it’s next to Croatia, which is where the Zinfandel grape originated, and I just drank some Zinfandel. So, very indirectly, I checked in on that country’s neighbor.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        probably manufactured in some secret lab in Siberia by the FSB

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    And ol’ Jeff just got his Bull Connor cosplay all done.

  • FlownΩver

    Stick a toothpick into him. If it comes out clean he’s done.

  • shivaskeeper

    So the question is this. Who didn;t know Sessions lied to the Senate? FFS, I knew he was lying about meeting with the Russians.

    Is there some sort of rule that no one in the Senate could have called him on it or do they just have to take his word?

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      It’s that whole “comity” thing.

      • shivaskeeper

        Comity is one thing. Accepting a bald faced lie in the name of comity is something else.

      • cmd resistor

        And collegiality?

  • Notreelyhelping

    I regret I have but one life to give you mein furh…ah…President!

  • TJ Barke

    Derp and lies, lies and derp. It’s stupid fuckers all the way down.

    • Alan

      With a turtle for good measure!

    • Angela Ruzzo

      Reminds me of my Psychology 101 class and the IQ Bell Curve…70% of people have an IQ between 85 and 115, and some of them get elected to public office.

  • BigCSouthside

    So,trump leaks info that shows collusio, to knock off his AG so he can obviously appoint a new one…to fire Mueller, who is investigating him for collusion?

    Edit: what’s the legality behind firing an independent investigator?

    • Blanche Beecham

      Yup, in summary.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      No one said he was a smart guy. Well, with the exception of himself, of course.

      • FlownΩver

        All the best derp.

    • TJ Barke

      Oh they’re gonna shift over to “collusion ain’t no big deal” soon. Fox has already been laying the groundwork for that for the mouthbreathers.

      • Elendira

        Fox News: Russia has always been our friend! Why they are practically the 51st state

    • SayItWithWookies

      Since stopping the investigation because it’s closing in on you is obstruction of justice, then planning how to get Mueller fired is conspiracy to obstruct justice. So anyone who’s planned this with Assmouth is liable to prosecution. Already.

      • shivaskeeper

        The problem is the House has to vote to impeach Two Scoops and the Senate has to conduct the investigation. Two Scoops isn’t liable for criminal trial until he is out of power.

        I’m not sure what the reaction should be if the House does nothing about this. I know what I feel my reaction should be, but commenting rules and all that.

        • SayItWithWookies

          True, but everyone else involved can be prosecuted (and yes, Assmouth can pardon every last one of them afterwards, but that might provoke even this House).

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            He can pardon them preemptively

          • theCryptofishist

            Didn’t Reagan (or Bush I) do that in the Iran-Contra kerfuffle?

          • shivaskeeper

            See Zippy’s answer. His pardon power is absolute at the Federal level.

          • SayItWithWookies

            Sure, but I think pardoning everybody is tantamount to admitting he’s guilty too. Even the Republicans would have to start impeachment hearings at that point, because if they didn’t, they’d lose more seats in 2018 than they every thought possible.

          • shivaskeeper

            Here’s the thing for me. I gave up trying to figure out what they are going to do based on what a rational person would do the second they allowed the sequester poison pill to go into effect.

            Nothing the GOPers have done from that point on has been rational except by accident. Every time I have tried to predict what they were going to to based on a rational standard, I have been wrong.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          If the events play out as we suspect and Donnie cans Jeffy and appoints a Bork of his own there will be a major shitstorm in this country if ZEGS and the House don’t at least go along with appointing Mueller as a special prosecutor. If these bastards take it all the way and run interference for Trump, we could well be looking at civil war, or at least an attempt to start it. Things could go very, very south in a hurry.

  • memzilla Ω
    • TJ Barke

      I cannot see whatever you’re posting…

      • Alan

        Disqus seems pissy with images tonight.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        interestingly I can (I sometimes have trouble thanks to Disgust and my security settings)

    • Angela Ruzzo

      Hahaha! My first laugh of the day. Thanks.

  • Anna Rompage

    “How were we suppose to know”. Said 80% of trump supporters after he’s impeached, and his admin goes down in flames…

    But climate change still isn’t real!

    Okay, 80%, I’m being much too generous, but still…

  • memzilla Ω

    Sorry, Editrix, we just assume that the latest thread is the open thread, because latest. We also ignore the warnings on Q-Tips to not insert them into our ears.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Q-tips have white fuzz. Would a D-tip have orange fuzz?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      “Close cover before striking”

      “You’re not the boss of ME!”

    • Blanche Beecham

      Q-tips with the slightest essence of sweet oil, gently rolled in the ear hole – ooh, um, oh, harder, no, no too hard, yesssss

  • dshwa

    So, Night of the Long Knives next Tuesday, you recreckon?

    • TJ Barke

      Can it wait til the week after? I have to have dental surgery next week.

      • theCryptofishist

        What, you want to have Night of the Long Knives without anesthesia?

      • dshwa

        The vegan butthole convention is the week after. Guess we’ll have to free up time in August

  • Villago Delenda Est

    I’m going to go see Valerian tomorrow. I suspect that something YOUGE will happen while I’m at the cinema.

    • TJ Barke

      I heard it’s a hot mess.

    • Alan

      You know it will. Even worse is going to sleep for a whole 8 hours. I keep waking up thankful that I woke up to a world still intact.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Sometime in that eight hours, Donald is tweeting.

        Brace yourself.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        When I wake up there are two cats sitting patiently and silently on the bedside table waiting to be petted and fed, in that order. They meow with great joy when they see me wake up, and immediately demand cuddles. This gives me the energy to get up and read Wonkette and find out about all the shit that is going on in the world.

  • Roni Raven, Undercovfefe Agent

    Y’ALL TRIX ASKED YOU NICELY TO GET OVER TO THE OPEN THREAD SO PLEASE LISTEN THE FUCK UP.

    Also too it’s too quiet over there.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      You just made me startle the cat!

      • H0mer0

        Roni had nothing to do with your sexual habits!

  • Jgb979

    On one hand: It’s not an exaggeration at all to call Jeff Sessions a racist, objectively evil, terrifyingly awful relic from 1865 who happens to be one of the few semi-competent members of the administration. You legitimately could not do worse.

    On the other hand Mueller is 100% fired tomorrow just as soon as the Senate confirms attorney general Palin.

    I just want the treason doers to go to treason jail!!

    • TJ Barke

      Is treason jail on the other side of some cotton blindfolds?

      • shivaskeeper

        Leavenworth. Good old military prison. Definitely not Club Fed.

        • Angela Ruzzo

          Good idea. I vote for Leavenworth.

  • 3FingerPete

    Again, Orly Taitz is available. I’m just putting that out there. I’m sure she’d be happy to take that call.

    • Crank Tango

      Or any call. I bet she does surveys and shit.

    • Covfefe

      Orly Taitz? Born in the USSR? How does a nut like that support herself in the practice of law?

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        She always has dentistry to fall back on.

    • Maclare 🍦🍦

      No! Don’t say her name 2 more times!

  • Bill D. Burger
    • TJ Barke

      Except he’s still an incompetent lying hack…

  • Pardon Me

    Break a fork off in him, he’s done.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Pardon Me

    trump has turned on him. Why hasn’t he fired him yet? What does jeffy know and have on him? I’m betting he has a copy of the pee tape.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Nope, the elf will be gone by Monday

  • OrdinaryJoe

    I would be re-reading the Steele Dossier because each passing day coroberates some part of that document. We are all going to become familiar with pee fetish, mark my words.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Angela Ruzzo

      Well maybe…A job that lasts 6 months is difficult to leave off one’s resume because it leaves a noticeable gap, whereas a 3-month job is easy to leave off one’s resume, you just say you were looking for a job during that time. Trust me, I’ve done this. Of course, Spicer can’t get away with this because the whole world knows what he’s been doing for the past 6 months.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Whoever thought leaking the intel about Sessions would help Assmouth didn’t think of a lot of reasons it would hurt him — but I like to imagine one in particular: the confirmation hearings for whoever gets to fill Sessions’ shoes:

    [Every Democratic Senator]: Mr. Gecko, in your discussions with the president about taking this job, did he bring up firing Robert Mueller?

    [G. Gecko] Uhhh….

    • HogeyeGrex

      Aside from the fact that it’s hard proof that the Trump campaign either was colluding with Russia to ratfuck the election, or was unlawfully trying to engage in foreign policy prior to being elected, or most likely #2 in an effort to #1.

      Wupsie.

    • Liquid Tomato

      Remember, they were surprised by the blowback from firing Comey. The White House is full of non-politicians who think they understand politics. The Donald obviously doesn’t think far into the future. I think they’re so focused on what might happen tomorrow, they’re not even considering the day after tomorrow.

    • Augustus

      The Ds don’t have any way of really making anything happen consequence-wise, though, no matter how tough of a question they ask.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Stephen Colbert Just Rented Out Trump’s Alleged ‘Pee Pee Tape’ Suite In Moscow
    The history “just washes over you.”
    By Ed Mazza

    Stephen Colbert wanted to get “soaked in history” for President Donald Trump.

    The CBS “Late Show” host recently visited Russia, and while in Moscow rented the infamous presidential suite at the Ritz Carlton.

    That’s the room where a former British spy alleges Trump hired prostitutes to perform a “golden showers” show (The claims of the controversial dossier have not been substantiated.).

    “When you’re in this room, I don’t know how to describe it. It’s soaked in history,” Colbert said as he stood before the bed. “It just washes over you. I mean, it’s not even like it’s in the past. You’re in history. You’re in it.”

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lk1uBMZOaXc

    • cmd resistor

      Pretty danged funny.

    • HogeyeGrex

      the infamous presidential suite at the Ritz Carlton.

      Putin on the Ritz, indeed.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Bub, Zombie in mourning
    • Canis Greyhame

      First you have to catch him on the open road, where police-conducted highway robberies are traditionally carried out.

      • Opalescent Riddles

        Noice!

    • Opalescent Riddles

      Montgomery Burns voice: EXCELLENT.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Canis Greyhame

    What is all this? Are the WaPo’s anonymous sources helping Trump to throw Sessions under the bus, just when he was getting itchy to install a Robert Bork of his very own?

  • Bill D. Burger

    Tropical Storm Don (*as in Trump) formed in the Atlantic Ocean east of the Windward Islands, the National Hurricane Service said Monday. Twitter noticed.

    https://twitter.com/tonyposnanski/status/887053098539249665

    https://twitter.com/ainger13/status/887078912282460161

    https://twitter.com/lindachilders1/status/887078807416455168

    https://twitter.com/Grant_Cameron37/status/887066333870907392

  • Anna Rompage

    In Russia, Kislyak leaks on you…

  • Blackest Noobs

    never trust a man who eats a steak. but really never ever ever ever trust any man who eats a steak well done and with ketchup.

    • shivaskeeper

      Steak libelz. I eat steak and I’m trustworthy. Believe me.

    • LosFelizGuy

      True story. I no longer eat steak, but back when I did I liked it well done. With ketchup.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        No wonder you quit eating it- you have no idea what it actually tastes like

      • Blackest Noobs

        why???

        and did you ever think you stopped because you ate it that horrible horrible horrible way? i mean damn son…if every steak i ate was done like so (burnt and ketchup, um, yuck…ewww) i wouldve never ever ate another steak.

        like i just dunno if i could trust a person with such bad taste…it’s like taking a shit on ice cream and asking for more. ( but not you Buddy…i’m just joking…wink wink…im sure you’re probably trustworthy even with those past bad taste)

        • LosFelizGuy

          I think the char and ketchup were an attempt at trying to hide the fact that I was eating a cute-faced mooo cow. So I just gave up beef and pork all together (cuz piggies are super cute too)

          • Blackest Noobs

            that’s fine…but if eating meat..that was eating meat badly…cute or not.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      I like a Medium filet mignon, with salt, pepper and garlic rubbed into it. Any kind of sauce would ruin it.

  • Anna Rompage

    Yay, just got the last feeding done for the season on 2/3 of the garden, and got that all watered in!

    Found this little beauty hiding out among the leaves! Part of tomorrow’s dinner I think!

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/febc9ffae40e8e96ffb6cce9839815b89ef0c7a0721679190f1f2f3cb91c322d.jpg

    • SisterArtemis

      I am so grateful you like to attend potluck drinky things :)

      • Anna Rompage

        Thanks!

        I just had the first ripe cherry tomato out of the garden today.

        The big ones should be ready in about 1-2 weeks!

        • Angela Ruzzo

          Oooh, yummy, I love cherry tomatoes. I like to eat them warm from the sun, right off the vine. Alas, so do the deer.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Bill D. Burger

    Who will play Sarah Huckabee in the movie? Suggestions?

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DFTbammUAAEL_lm.jpg

  • Bill D. Burger

    Looks like ‘Mooch’ is qualified to deal with Donny after all.
    Mooch: “Who’s a Big Boy?”
    Trump: “I’m a Big Boy.”

    https://twitter.com/Scaramucci/status/878305490383413250

    • Serai 1

      8. Capitalism’s goal is to destroy civilization.

    • TJ Barke

      Capitalism is slowly killing all life on earth…

      • Penny Dreadful Says Cats

        Slowly?

        • TJ Barke

          Well, okay, rapidly, on a geological time scale…

        • Augustus

          Well, it took a while to really accumulate the pollutants in the environment and fully disturb the ancient ecosystems, but thanks to exponential growth, it’s really doing a number on our finite planet!

  • Blackest Noobs

    wait did we open thread violated this thread? wait which thread is this?
    i spent all my Soros money on booze and drugs.

    • Elendira

      I am just posting to both. That way I am only 50% to blame

      • Blackest Noobs

        i’m just trying to remember if i did…wait im doing it right now…damn this Soro money i bought drugs with…..SOROS!!!!!!!!

      • Alan

        Or you get blamed twice?

    • SisterArtemis

      The clue is “WHOA!” in the thread title – think, back up turn around, Sean Hannity is thread over there

  • Bill D. Burger

    The world is with you Diaper Don….the world is with you.

    https://twitter.com/thehill/status/887678182874337280

    • Bub, Zombie in mourning

      Well…shucks. It makes a man’s eyes damp, for sure.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      Fuck that shit. I have zero patience with rich white people who say they are miserable. They should go live in a slum in Calcutta for a month if they want to know what “miserable” is. Or maybe live in one of their own low-rent apartment buildings.

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    Fucking Kislyak ratted out Sessions? And just after the shitgibbon trashed Sessions? Fuck Putin, Trump and all the enablers on the right. Criminals all the way down.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Naw, it was Donnie who ratted him out. Kislyak just had his communications intercepted by our IC.

      • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

        Man. He really will just throw anyone under the bus, won’t he? Thanks for the clarification. I just woke up and was disoriented to see another post after the open thread.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • SisterArtemis

    Would it be possible – on those nights when late breaking trumpisms disrupt the normal non-commenting activity – to add “Open Thread: blah blah blah” to the title of the actual open thread? I’m a webpage novice (learning though!) so I’m not sure it all works. Just an idea to help keep us kids in line.

  • SisterArtemis

    Is it possible that, should Keebler Jeff leave the AG position, we could maybe get a slightly less racist, somewhat more pot-and-gay-and-citizen friendly AG is there? I know Trump would pick some differnt asshole, but Sessions is pretty extreme. The unfortunate thing is that we can’t count on Trump ever finding a line he won’t cross. But still…? Any guesses?

    • Jonny On Maui

      I’m guessing the crazy one will double down and find someone even more loathsome than the racist slaver elf.

      • Major_Major_Major

        Is David Duke a lawyer? He certainly is available. Him or Larry Klayman would be spot on for Ole Dribbledick.

        • H0mer0

          I keep misreading that as “Larry Hagman.”

          • Major_Major_Major

            That would be an impressive feat if Donny could pull that off.

          • H0mer0

            JR was a character the Donald seems to have emulated.

    • Who the hell knows? I don’t think Trump cares about pothead citizens and gay citizens one way or the other. That’s Pence’s thing. So if there’s a Trump loyalist Russia stooge who’s cool with weed and LGBT folks, we could get that. Although I imagine this hypothetical person will still be racist as fuck.

      • SisterArtemis

        Yeah, I’ve never thought Trump gave a shit about gay folks, or weed. I’m sure he’s known enough trashy rich queers over the years; if they suck up to him, make money for him, that’s probably good enough. And if he thought it would make him a buck with no risk, he’d stick his brand on pot too.

        • theCryptofishist

          “… if they suck up to him, make money for him, and mentor him in total sleaze that’s probably good enough.
          FIFY

    • Bub, Zombie in mourning

      I’m sure whoever he nominates will have to be somebody who will be willing to fire Mueller when Donnie gives the word. So not much chance they will be a significant improvement over Sessions.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Not with this President

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      I’m trying to think of the name of any reasonable Republicans willing to serve Donald at this point. There were precious few of them in January: I seriously doubt that he’s attracting any more of them at this point. Quite the opposite, I’d bet. Sorry.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      You have to ask Rebekah Mercer. She hand picked Sessions, so she will probably get to pick the next AG.

    • OrdinaryJoe

      You’ll get KKKOBACH.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      I think Bannon has a lot of influence on what lines Trump won’t cross, and as far as I can tell, Bannon does not recognize any lines that can’t be crossed.

    • James Lamere

      Somebody named Sarah.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Just came back to see that I messed up by posting some sorta OT stuff. Sorry about that, though in my defense, at this point nearly everything that is anti-Donald is on topic here. Or so he seems to think, anyway…

    • SisterArtemis

      I think mainly kittens, love life, fashion/food advice, and roommate troubles are the issue.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        On the other hand, dwelling on kittens, love life, fashion/food advice and roommate troubles are a natural consequence of TrumpCon overload.

  • President in Exile Firefly

    Maybe Chris Christie will finally get his big break!

  • TJ Barke

    Please FSM, let them all burn, if it be your noodly will, I will spread your word every day, Ramen.

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      Our Farfalle, who art in Colander, al dente be thy name….

      • Anna Rompage

        In the name of the pesto, the marinara and the bolgonese. Ramen!

        • CripesAmighty

          Carbonara oppression! Help! Help!

      • Opalescent Riddles

        And to thyroid public, for Richard stands…

  • WomanInThePersistence

    Jeff Sessions is too ethical for Trump.

    That is a seriously wierd sentence to type, let alone try to comprehend.

    • Yr. Gma

      IKR? Sessions is the good guy in this scenario. The whole world has gone nuts.

      • TJ Barke

        Someone has broke the world, we need to talk to customer service…

        • Opalescent Riddles

          Grounded Vindaloop! All that matters is that you receive good customer service!

      • From Russia with Love

        Sessions is the least bad of the bad guys.

        Actually his Russian contacts and his “fibs” about them at this hearings seem pretty minor compared to the rest the Trump crew. Simple perjury, not even treasonous maybe.

        • H0mer0

          yeah, who hasn’t lied in order to get the job?
          (don’t answer, it was rhetorical.)

      • Opalescent Riddles

        The bar is beneath the line in the sand.

    • Juan de Fuca

      If that’s true, then try wrapping your head around this one – Darrell Issa is too ethical for Jeff Sessions, who’s too ethical for Trump.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      I would have to drink an entire bottle of wine to type that sentence. I will give it a try later tonight.

  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    You wouldn’t happen to have “open thread” in the title of said thread?

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      Or in the tags? Because I don’t see it in the past few threads…

      • TJ Barke

        It’s the Smannity thread.

  • Mavenmaven

    Rudy Giuliani is waiting for the call.

  • Snopes Shop

    I’m literally too stupid to figure out which is the open thread and I’ve been trying to figure it out for ten minutes.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      The Sean Hannity thread. And you are not stupid.

    • SisterArtemis

      People keep posting openthreadish stuff over there, but Rebecca’s plea at the top of this one is the clue to try the room down the hall, and not much up this one too much.

      • Juan de Fuca

        Oops. Guess I’m dumb too. All of these rules!11!

        I feel like I’m work. “Hey boss! How ’bout we just follow the KISS principle on this one thing?”

        *ducks*

        • From Russia with Love

          It’s simple, really. Discussion about guys who have given one too many blowjobs in their lifetime belongs over on the Hannity thread.

          Makes sense to me.

          • Jamoche

            What about guys who give “You. Me. Blow job.” hand signs at G20 dinners? It’s hard to find a thread where they don’t fit.

          • H0mer0

            wouldn’t it be funny if someone mistook the hand sign for “You. Me. Bong” for that one?

      • Jennifer R

        If I was made of whore diamonds I would buy her a fucking php based web forum license. That would solve all this real fast.

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      It’s because Our Editrix, after posting the last post of the day and Open Thread, gloriously arose like Lazarus or whoever it was and posted ANOTHER LASTER POST because of the late-breaking news, so good is she unto us. And we reward her by clucking and running around in the farmyard BWAKKK WHAT IS THIS WHY NOT OPEN THREAD BWAKKKKK.

      • Snopes Shop

        I know and I don’t want to be the stupid one but I guess I need a giant flashing neon sign

        • sw19covfefe
        • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

          Don’t worry, you’re not the stupid one, I’M the stupid one and everyone knows that. Also I just go to the last post of the day. I’m not sure why this couldn’t be our open thread, too, but I always obey our Overlordess.

          • SisterArtemis

            Cuz Trixie wants the occasionally-commenting wonketariat and visitors to be able to comment (as if!) and read comments without distraction of long subthreads about everything under the sun EXCEPT the topic of the article.

          • Sally

            What was the topic of the article? I’m down here about 100 comments.

          • SisterArtemis

            Hannity. Sorry meant to post a link. And now that I’m back here, I see that autocorrect converted “‘Trix” to Trixie. Lordy. Granny Trixie. It almost works…

          • David Chaillou

            I want to strike a blow for organised anarchy. J’y suis, j’y reste.

      • SisterArtemis

        Kittens! Heartbreak! How will I ever get these stains out of my bathtub!

        • Angela Ruzzo

          More kittens? If the whole thing is stained, nobody will notice.

    • phoenix00

      Who can explain it?

      • sw19covfefe

        Articles come in, articles go out….

    • Michael R

      Could be the end of all commenting , which are not allowed

  • Juan de Fuca

    Was getting out of the shower a few minutes ago and overheard some talking head on the TeeVee say –

    “If Anthony Scaramucci used any more loving terms to refer to Donald Trump at today’s WH press briefing, it would’ve been on FaceTime.”

    • SisterArtemis

      I can’t remember who it was either, but it was on Brian Williams show. Caught my ear, that’s for sure.

      • Juan de Fuca

        Brian Williams is on now. Catching the last part of the rebroadcast. It cracked me up.

    • Canis Greyhame

      More like PornHub.

  • phoenix00

    #lastedlongerthanflynn

    • Juan de Fuca

      “I’ve still got a job.” – Chris Christie

  • unclejeems

    Not to worry. I’m sure the Heritage Foundation, the John Birch Society, the Federalist Society, the Koch Brothers, or some other group of civic-minded citizens have notebooks full of lists of suitable candidates–all with elaborate juris doctor diplomas from Liberty University. Nope, no worries at all.

    • Sally

      Michele Bachman is looking for a job.

  • freakishlypersistent

    Goddamn, is there a fucking Russian who hasn’t met secretly with a Trump toady? And when will this ever sink in to the diehards? Never. I go with never.

    • From Russia with Love

      Suddenly even Republicans who lived through the Cold War are OK with handing our elections over to the Russians. I don’t fucking get it.

      “Russia’s not the enemy.”
      “Then why do we have all those fucking ICBMs pointed at them?”

      • Keith Taylor

        I didn’t get it either. Maybe I still don’t. But I’m kind of inclined to go with, “Russia used to be a hard-line Marxist ideological government opposed to capitalism and threatening to bury the U.S.A., but now that the former Soviet Union has sort of come apart at the seams, and Russia has attacked Muslim countries, and most of all has turned into a crooked larcenous thieves’ picnic in love with the oil business, and now that its rulers are killing investigative journalists the way we would love to do, whatever Russia does is okay with us, get it now, tovarisch?”
        In fact I’m waiting for President Donald Trump to say it in just those words. It’ll probably happen right after Spicer, sorry, Scaramucci, has announced the opposite. As usual.

        • Khavrinen

          “In fact I’m waiting for President Donald Trump to say it in just those words”

          Nah, not nearly word-salad-y enough for the Donald.

          • Jamoche

            “Russia. They’re the best. They have oil. They’re fighting the radical Islamic terrorists. We love them.”

          • Keith Taylor

            I acknowledge that Khavrinen is right, and that Jamoche has a declaration much more likely to come from the tiny tweeting hands of the orange man. I got carried away. I don’t really think he can produce a sentence of more than eight words.

      • HooverVilles

        And they at us!

      • CripesAmighty

        Because the worst, most odious thing in the world are tyrannical, oppressive totalitarian regimes. Unless somebody’s making a buck (or a billion) off of it, in which case, capitalism, so ‘s all good, mang.

        And Jeebus.

        • Beanz&Berryz

          And Dems are fucking communists

          • Sally

            Oh please.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        It’s quite simple. Russia is no longer a Communist country, it is now an Oligarchy based on criminal activity, and there is a lot of money to be made there. It’s all about money now, not politics, as it was during the Cold War.

    • And when will this ever sink in to the diehards?

      “Moral hierarchy”.

      God = Money is #1….

      Trump is their Daddy.

      They don’t care if Daddy spends their milk money on piss hookers because he makes them FEEL “proud” of being a White, Mediocre Racist again because…

      They can turn on the TV and hear someone who is rich, famous and has a hot wife spouting the same incoherent bullshit they also read on Infowars today.

      “Hey! He’s one of us! He sounds just like me”
      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/53d603c3c87acce221e978d3f81dd78243eaabf03db9606921a99da2d074a09d.png

  • mancityRed6

    if he nominates the Kobach, does that mean he has to give up his day job?
    that is called a win/win. Kansas gets rid of him, and then he gets tossed out because you know damn well he’s going to perjure himself in the hearings.
    well, it’s a win for now. at least until tRump nominates Roy Moore for the post.

    • Jennifer R

      He could just name Kobach as acting AG. No need to mess with congress or have Kris K. Kobach stop his voter suppression panel.

      • mancityRed6

        either way, as soon as he fires Mueller, he’s gonna step in the shit.

      • ariel_gee_398

        There’s a line of succession of US attorneys in the DOJ, they don’t go outside. The USA from EDVA is next, I think.

  • David Chaillou

    First Trump tells the NYT he would like to get rid of Sessions.

    Then someone leaks damaging info on Sessions, and Bannon-controlled Breitbart points the finger at the Deep State. Uh-uh.

    “When the jokster points at the moon, the wise man looks at the finger.”

    • Brett Kempler

      Dog chases mud ball, lion bites the thrower

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      I wish my brain worked like this. Didn’t see that at all, but yeah. And in other words, Bannon is controlling the media, rather brilliantly.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Him or Putin…

  • Major_Major_Major

    Y’all are some smart motherfuckers so it has been likely speculated below (I’m too lazy to search) that old Jefferson Beauregard Forrest Sessions the 3rd might well decide to flip if that were to happen just to preserve “may ‘inna ay-end dignity, sun”.

    • CripesAmighty

      Hard to say. Although the rarity of Klansmen flipped by the feebies back in the day does not bode well. Tradition an’ all that.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        They was holding out on principle. This here’s just plain criminal conspiracy of various sorts.

    • Apple Scruff

      I keep thinking how he was a member of the Senate and that story Al Franken told of Sesson’s wife giving Franken a baby blanket for his grandchild. So these guys are friends & coworkers (in Congress). I am hoping if Sessions gets bounced, the Senate will turn on 45.

      • Opalescent Riddles

        When Franken asked Sessions “the question” it looked like friends sharing a beer. Al said (from memory) “this stuff is just coming out, so… you know.”

  • David Chaillou

    Who else believes when Trump sat down to talk with Putin it was to discuss his political asylum, and Vlad told him he hadn’t earned his keep yet?

    • Major_Major_Major

      I do now. I read it on the internets so it must be true.

      • From Russia with Love

        I just heard about it!

        • David Chaillou

          Not many people know that.

          • LesBontemps

            But I’ve been hearing it more and more.

          • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

            Many smart people are talking about it!

    • Sally

      Yes, we’re stuck with the Trumps until they figure out how to get the sanctions lifted. Then it’s off to Russian with the lot of them.

      • David Chaillou

        I think Putin is aiming for bigger pay-offs. Fucking off America’s influence West (europe), South (broader middle east) and East (SK) of Russia sounds achievable.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      Can he play golf in Russia year-round? If not, he won’t go.

      • David Chaillou

        They have nice weather in Sochi.

    • artem1s

      Moar like Trump got the word that ‘asylum’ meant a dacha in Siberia. So now he is desperately trying to find another way out

      • David Chaillou

        Siberia is a place whose merit is being recognised more and more.
        Especially with global warming.

  • Major_Major_Major

    W.R.T. Jeffy’s assets, I’ma spitball they include:
    part interest in a hollow tree,
    secret recipe for at least one (1) style of cookie,
    3 trailer parks located around Ala-damn-bama,
    and a complete collection of Klan memorabilia from 1920-present.

    • CripesAmighty

      Don’t forget the ’83 Cutlass in the backyard. It’s a classic, yknow.

      • From Russia with Love

        Not a classic unless it’s up on cinder blocks.

        • Major_Major_Major

          Dammit, I should have scrolled down. Well played, suh

      • Major_Major_Major

        The one on blocks by the pitbull chained to the oak tree or the one next to the bathtub?

        • Opalescent Riddles

          Needs moar fridge and washing machine.

      • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

        And the 1863 Stonewall Jackson cutlass above the fireplace.

        • The Wanderer

          “Made in Japan” engraved near the hilt, you have to look for it.

      • Sally

        God, we had one of those!

      • The Flaming Carrot

        Along with the 1973 green Ford Falcon, a gift from his dear friend Augusto Pinochet.

    • a complete collection of Klan memorabilia from 1920-present.

      Sessions Family keepsakes.

    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      A bunch of white sheets with holes (only 2 per sheet)?

  • Even Jeffy knows it gets awful hot down south and you need to recooz yourself to keep your beer cold
    https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/51MdDi0D4HL._SY300_.jpg

    • Rick Hill
      • Liberal Tears prevent the Coldness of the Beer from escaping and decreasing Global warming?

        I don’t get it. 🤓

        But sounds like a great conversation starter for morans…

        • H0mer0

          they think they can gerrymander science

      • Angela Ruzzo

        This is often true, but not always. It depends on how much false information the stupid person has absorbed. Mark Twain said it best: “It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.”

  • Red Bird

    I’m not sure if this is good or bad. But I have noticed that most of the resignations so far been from the Bannon squad and not Jared squad. Which prom queen will win? I don’t know.

    • From Russia with Love

      I can’t really think of any federal crimes Bannon has committed. So even if Jarhead wins, he still might lose.

      • Red Bird

        True. I’ve noticed that Bannon and Mercer have kept their hands clean despite being the ones in control. They essentially used the white power Rangers to do their dirty work. I wonder how’s Zuckerberg’s presidential campaign going?

        • House0fTheBlueLights

          Upfist for “White Power Rangers”

          • Red Bird

            Just using my Wonkette snark training.

      • David Chaillou

        Coke?

      • Angela Ruzzo

        It’s possible that he knew about crimes other people committed and either covered them up or did not report them, and that would be a crime. But he’s a slippery, slimy snake and he would wiggle out of it somehow.

    • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

      I’m team Mueller!

      • Red Bird

        Me too.

        • WotsAllThisThen

          Still a better love story than Twilight.

    • artem1s

      I’ve always said the endgame would be dependent on the opposing factions of the GOP regulars and the new alt-right Bannons. When the firings start, who would be the winners and losers. who would start to turn, out of self-preservation; out of spite. The GOP has always defaulted to eating their own when the endgame comes. This time will be epic in it’s scope.

      Buy popcorn futures.

  • Joe Beese
    • Stulexington

      Wrong, only you and a few know nothing sycophants believe the US President has the complete power to pardon, the rest of us know there’s limits.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        He can NOT pardon himself. One cannot be the judge and jury in one’s own legal case. That doesn’t mean he won’t ignore this minor legality and try to do it anyway, and I can’t wait to see the bullshit the GOP comes up with to support it.

        • Stulexington

          Also too he can’t pardon anyone from state level charges. Lots of charity hanky panky that New York can nail a lot of his family for. Him also too.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            May it happen soon. But that’s the problem with legal cases, the smart lawyers have all sorts of ways of delaying the outcome for years. One of my neighbors was charged with illegal possession of a firearm, and it took a whole year to go to trial, and the woman whose car hit my friend and permanently disabled him does not go to trial until late August, almost exactly 12 months after the accident, because her lawyer keeps asking for, and getting, continuances. And these were SIMPLE cases.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      My response: You’re thinking of the powers of the Russian President. I know those things are easily confused these days.

    • miss_grundy

      Nixon’s lawyers advised him that he could pardon himself. He told them he would not because that would be dishonorable. I doubt that Dolt has ever experienced honor, so he would probably try. Of course that opens the door to his being guilty because otherwise why would he pardon himself.

  • Joe Beese
  • Les Appentis De la résistance

    Does AG need to be a US citizen? He could appoint that lady Russian lawyer.

  • Thorn Spike

    “Yeah, he gave some answers that were simple questions and should have been simple answers, but they weren’t.’

    My money’s on syphilitic dementia.

    • The Wanderer

      I’m still undecided. Is it syphilitic dementia, Alzheimer’s, side effects of his anti-baldness medication, or some unholy combination?

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        AOT,K of course.

        • artem1s

          the answer is alway AOT,K. ah, the nostalgia of remembering simpler idiots who were benignly stoopid and evil.

  • William
  • Beautiful Soup

    OT: TCM is showing a movie about a family of Key West sponge hookers. Not as sexy as it may sound.

    • The Wanderer

      I are watching the Tour de France. Great scenery, and that does include the cyclists’ buttocks.

      • Sally

        Yeah, but how to they pee during those 6 hour bike rides? Do I even want to know?

        • Angela Ruzzo

          They sweat off most of the liquid they drink, but they do get to take bathroom breaks when needed. Friendly people park RVs along the route for their use. It is considered rude to overtake the race leader while he/she is taking a bathroom break, and there is some kind of unwritten media agreement not to film bathroom breaks.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      The best thing that has happened so far today is Trix asking for no OT comments on this thread, and then the first comment at the top is OT. May the rest of the day follow this path.

      • Beautiful Soup

        Crap… a few hours ago I knew which one was the open thread…

        • House0fTheBlueLights

          :D You made my morning.

      • BeachBum

        Some days you can herd the cats. Some days the cats herd you.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • The Wanderer

      A lifelong fan who comes across as a mix of Joel Osteen, Gordon Gecko and an especially oily used-car salesman.

      • Bill D. Burger

        ….and every time share salesman I’ve ever had the displeasure of meeting.

        • The Wanderer

          Ooh, forgot about them.

      • Sally

        But Trump adores his full head of shiny black hair.

      • ahughes798

        He seems to not like Donnie Two Scoops. What changed?

  • Bill D. Burger

    Well, dang! I had OJ pegged (when released and pardoned by Turnip) as our next AG.

    https://twitter.com/WHITEHOUSE_ORG/status/888114857433747456

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Right to left: Orange and Juice.

  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    Awesome… We’re an inspiration around the world!
    https://twitter.com/MahirZeynalov/status/887704086518353920

    • Incoming Ham

      In what order is he planning to do that?

      • Sally

        I wondered that too….why waste a perfectly good jumpsuit?

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Bill D. Burger
    • Incoming Ham

      Christ on a bike, what a face to see first thing in the morning before breakfast.

      • Sally

        I know. He looks like the kid in my neighborhood who shot his BB gun at his own cat and laughed. Cruel, dead-eyed, entitled SOB.

        • Clark_Nova

          Since Drumpf tried to brain a neighbor’s infant child with a big rock when was 10,it seems that the rotten apple is falling VERY near the tree..

          Drumpf was the prototype for Rhoda Penmark.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Another big Oopsie’! for the Kush. Totally forgot 77 more assets he just now remembered he had. Well they were only worth $10 million. Can’t expect him to remember all the pocket change.

    https://twitter.com/rebeccaballhaus/status/888534390581678081

    • rocktonsam

      so is ivanka listed an asset?

      • WotsAllThisThen

        Without seeing her father’s tax returns, we may never know.

        • Sally

          We are going to see them. Patience…

          • Angela Ruzzo

            That is the key word for surviving this administration. . . Patience.

    • Sally

      Did Ivanka then amend HER report?

    • miss_grundy

      Did he find these “assets” underneath the sofa cushions because I usually only find loose change….

  • Bill D. Burger

    Given out free at all Trump rallies:

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DFVd_4fVYAEcX0m.jpg

  • Bill D. Burger
    • The Wanderer

      It’s always awkward when The Rules rise up and smack down cherished dreams like defunding Planned Parenthood.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        Oh they knew this. Now they have a “gummint overreach” talking point.

        • Sally

          One would think, since they are all attorneys, that they do know, but ya can’t raise money demonizing PP when you can’t, you know, defund Planned Parenthood without 60 votes.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I will answer you with another question: How many attorneys have you met? Why do you think it required 7 attorneys to get OJ Simpson off? They’re not that smart.

          • Snarkbot 9000

            Zing!

    • WotsAllThisThen

      But Trump said the vote was 48-4! I has so confuse!

      • Bill D. Burger

        Lordy’ …. So does he!

    • Sally

      Will the ‘unfair to the president’ parliamentarian now be fired?

  • Rick Hill

    “I’ll take Why Sessions Was So Quick to Recuse Himself for $500, Alex”
    “Russian ambassador proves Sessions lied about what was discussed at meetings.”
    http://www.rawstory.com/2017/07/russian-ambassador-proves-sessions-lied-about-topics-at-meeting-sessions-concealed-washington-post/

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Someone downthread posits the following timeline:
      1. Drumpf disses Sessions in NYT interview
      2. Bannnon Someone leaks damaging info on Sessions
      3. ??? (new Drumpf-loyalist AG)
      4. Profit (Mueller fired)

      • H0mer0

        how ironic! Russian pantses the underpants gnome himself! Those “Soviet Russia” jokes write themselves…..on more than one level!

  • Shibusa

    Well at least now we know what Trump and Putin talked about in their little tête–à–tête.

  • WhoCheckedRussia’sVoterID

    I gotta a question…did this information, coming strictly from the russian foreign minister, get intercepted before or after sesssions recused himself? Sure seems to be convenient that this info is coming out right after trump said what he said bout the AG.

  • Duke

    This is very surprising and perplexing. Sessions is such a just and fine man.

    • Sally

      I know. I’ve heard him say that about himself numerous times in that sotto voce Alabama twang of his.

      • H0mer0

        [I call “Sotto voce” libel as he is no Scaramuche but sure, one might call this fuster cluck on the taxpayer’s dime “Commedia dell’Arte” ]

      • Duke

        It’s to die for!

  • Zyxomma

    I have no love or respect for Jeff Sessions, but who TF is going to replace him?

  • Anna Rompage

    Conspiring to set up a quid pro quo relationship with a foreign adversary to help with throwing an election…

    Sounds like the perfect scenario to apply federal civil forfeitures laws to.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Pretty sure those laws only apply to the 99%.
      Unless of course one is actually convicted…

    • Phried Ω

      A policy made to order for financial gain from a real estate transaction that doubled in ROI in four years and a prospective hotel deal that failed in Azerbaijan. Maybe not enough to convict but enough to forfeit proceeds.

  • Marceline

    Sessions isn’t going anywhere. Not when there’s a country full of minorities to torment.

    • BreakingDeadMen

      So, when he goes to Leavenworth, is he automatically made the head of the white supremacist gang there based on his past work, or do they have a dominance contest there?

      • JustDon’tSaySortMyBalls

        I think he gets an honorarium. Maybe Queen Dowager?

      • khanurik

        I actually have some firsthand “knowledge” of Leavenworth. I grew up in Kansas, and when I was a senior in high school, my civics class took a field trip to Leavenworth. I mean, what says “civics” better than being taught about gang rape in the shower. I mean you DO have to kind of work together after all. No, actually, the only things the warden and his people showed us were the kind of things they do to rehabilitate the prisoners – like basketball and art classes, etc. So, to us naive, young Jayhawkers, everything seemed kind of cool. So the bottom line is: when Mr. Sessions ends up in Leavenworth, I hope he has an artistic bent. Otherwise, it’s off to the shower, Jeff – where I imagine he’ll be showered with votes.

        • I think his particular artistry will be characterized by bend over.

        • Malik Gibbons

          I’m sure Jeff will do fine in prison if he gets a chance. All it takes is the right opening.

          • NotConvinced

            I picture the Elf being dragged around the shower room by his ears.

    • NotConvinced

      I’m sure the Grand Wizard is giving him moral and spiritual support.

  • BreakingDeadMen

    No fooling folks–I went away from this article to another website and the banner ad was for Keebler.

    • JustDon’tSaySortMyBalls

      Maybe you should clear your browser’s cookies.

      • BreakingDeadMen

        I just didn’t think the image would have registered.

        • JustDon’tSaySortMyBalls

          I believe the rule is puns must be responded to with more puns.

          • BreakingDeadMen

            Jesus, I didn’t even get that. Slow on the uptake.

  • armed_bears

    Well, that pic pretty well ruins Fudge Stripes for me. Note to Wonk-editors: Stay away from the chocolate grahams!

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Trying to apply Il Douche’s standards (“who’s the worst possible choice?”) to selecting the next AG. Who’s racist, xenophobic, misogynistic, AND enough of a lickspittle to Bork the special counsel?
    Bannon probably has a list of names. (I bet the SPLC has all of the names on a different sort of list.)

    • khanurik

      um…pretty much every Republican congress critter??

    • epazote

      Kris Kobach ?

    • DT

      He’s going to nominate Robert Bork.

  • SadDemInTex

    This shit storm is never going to end. Won’t the Senate have to confirm next AG? And won’t they be pissed at the way Twitler treated Sessions?

    • Sakonyachen

      After what they pulled to have their guy on the SCOTUS, should we expect them to be anything more than good little party hookers and push another Trump crony through? It’s not like they remember that America is also made up of people that don’t vote for them.

  • The most troubling aspect of the whole Trump-Russia fiasco is not that the Ol’ Pussy Grabber is and has been laundering Russian money or that his campaign colluded with the Russians to win the election or that the Ol’ Pussy Grabber is working as hard as he has ever worked, which is not much, which is why it has hit the shitter as fast as it has because we all knew that he was a corrupt failing SOB who was easily manipulated by a master manipulator like Putangtin. The most troubling aspect of this particular scandal is that the Repubes, especially those in Congress are more than willing to throw us all under the Russian bus and walk blissfully into the Russian abyss all in order for some Pyrrhic political victories. The only saving grace is that the Ol’ Pussy Grabber is so muddled that he can only muck up the legislative works.

  • Veronicacwise

    Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family! !pc238d:
    On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
    !pc238:
    ➽➽
    ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialJobsCash548MediaQuickPay$97Hour ★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★:::::!pc238l..,…

    • Rickyphoo

      Hey, Veronicawise, this is NOT an open thread, see above.

      On Topic – Sessions can not be gone, (in jail), soon enough.

  • So, I suppose this means Jeffy is going to jail for lying under oath then? Sounds good to me.

  • NotConvinced

    His moose is cooked.
    -Sarah Palin

  • cats530

    If The Donald neuters Sessions, does that mean his asset seizure ramp-ups will also be castrated?

  • HazooToo

    So they burned him. Cool. Are we ever going to have a normal country again?

  • Teto85

    Stand tall, Jeffy. Stand tall.

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