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The very model of badassery

Today was the first public meeting of Donald Trump’s very “distinguished” Only Whites (And Ken Blackwell) Should Be Allowed To Vote commission, and it was every bit the shitshow you’d expect. As Slate’s Mark Joseph Stern explains, everybody got to take turns with the talking stick to say why they are a moron with a 75 IQ who believes “rampant voter fraud” is a real thing in America. We’ve already gone over how genetically deficient white supremacist and Kansas Secretary of State Kris Kobach’s little commission is absolute bullshit, predicated on President ThinSkinned McWeakSad’s unfounded, ego-stroking belief that he not only won the Electoral College by HISTORIC(ally tiny) MARGINS, but that he also would have won the popular vote if Hillary Clinton hadn’t bussed in millions of illegal voters from Guadalajara.

We’ll have a longer post in the morning on what happened during Wednesday’s meeting, but we wanted to go ahead and share what Maryland Democratic Rep. Elijah Cummings, Wonkette’s perennial Legislative Badass of the Year, had to say about Kobach’s little un-American fuckshow:

We want you to actually read this, so to be service-y, we will transcribe:

I have told both President Trump and Vice President Pence that a credible investigation on ‘election integrity’ cannot be conducted without also investigating voter suppression and Russian interference in the 2016 election. Unfortunately, after watching the first meeting of the Commission, it is clear that they did not heed my warnings. Instead, they will spend taxpayer dollars to investigate voter fraud, which we already know does not exist.

I am old enough to remember when African Americans were denied access to the ballot box, and I fear that we are watching history repeat itself. This is a fight that will define the kind of country we will leave behind for our children and for generations yet unborn. I plan on fighting vigorously against all efforts to suppress the vote, and I urge my fellow Americans to do the same. This is our watch.

To be clear, the only reason they are doing this, and the only reason Kris Kobach has been on his (unproductive!) vote-suppressing Crusade for YEARS, is that these fucking assholes, these unpatriotic, anti-American mason jars full of factory-farmed dogshit know it’s the only way they’ll keep white supremacy in power in these United States of America. We have the numbers. They have voter suppression.

In that spirit, watch Kris Kobach lie his malignant ass off to MSNBC’s Katy Tur about the popular vote result in the 2016 election:

TUR: You think that maybe Hillary Clinton did not win the popular vote?

KOBACH: We may never know the answer to that question.

OH REALLY? Tell us, you ratfucking bastard, which is more likely: that Hillary Clinton’s THREE MILLION FUCKING VOTE win in the popular vote is questionable, or that Donald Trump’s tiny little pussy 70,000 vote margin in three key states that gave him the election might have been LI’L BIT CATTYWAMPUS?

Which side are you on, motherfuckers? Which side are you on? Now you may OPEN THREAD.

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  • thewalkindude
    • Angela Ruzzo

      But they don’t mention POWER!! and RELIGION!! and SEX!! and MONEY!!! which seem to be the only things that make rich white male Repuglicans happy.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Oh! Look at that, Herb! It heard the word Power, and it responded, just like we do.

    • theblackdog

      Hahahahahahaha, that thinking is how we get people like Ayn Rand and Paul Ryan

      • TJ Barke

        Damn right.

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        True, but neither Rand not Ryan minded their own business..

    • Doug Langley

      But what if it makes me happy to run everybody else’s lives?

      • thewalkindude

        Then you can run for the Republican presidential nomination

    • Three Finger Salute

      And what if what makes me happy is something that other people won’t allow me to do? Like say if I wanted to smoke marijuana or, heck, take my own life. Sessions won’t let me smoke weed. Nobody will let me commit suicide. At least not in a humane way.

      • thewalkindude

        I think that’s kinda the larger point-if everybody (Sessions included) let you do what makes you happy (and DOESN’T hurt anybody else)…

        • JCfromNC

          That part in parenthesis is probably the most important part, and really should be on that meme for it to work better for me. I mean, it’s sort of implied in the “let people do what makes them happy”, I suppose…

          Unfortunately, you’re always going to have people who are happiest when they make other people miserable. Like spawn campers. Or apparently, most right wingers.

  • Marceline
    • Drew

      Why are they idiots if they want make sure that all votes on both sides are legit?

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        They don’t want to make sure the count is legit on both sides, they want to disallow as many of Hillary’s votes as they can. They’re idiots because to an objective reader it sounds like they AREN’T certain about their own numbers.

        • Drew

          They can’t be certain of their own numbers, or any of the numbers if they don’t audit the voter rolls.

          If people voted who weren’t legally allowed to, or if there was vote fraud on either side, wouldn’t we want to know about it?

          • Komsumverweigerer Ron

            We would. I’m of the opinion that they don’r care, insamuch as they’ll do everything they can to misrepresent the numbers ie lie.

      • Marceline

        Seriously? They are disputing the results of an election they won.

        • willi0000000

          nothing worse than a sore winner.

          [ . . . and how many buses would it take to transport 3,000,000 illegal voters to the polls? ]

  • lucidamente

    Is Kris Kobach a pedophile? We will never know.

  • Jeff Ackerman

    Voting should be mandatory for every citizen, maybe pay a tax if you don’t vote.

    • (((fka_donnie_d)))

      Meh. Motherfuckers are bitchy enough about big gubmint as it is.

      • Jeff Ackerman

        Democracy shouldn’t be like sports, view it from your armchair, voting should be the minimum required participation.

        • (((fka_donnie_d)))

          When I was young (and stupid) I bought the whole George Carlin bullshit about how people who vote are part of the problem. I now no longer believe that, but I will not judge anybody for saying it either.

          • Three Finger Salute

            I think he’s right about the environment though. What the hell can we plebs do about it as long as the Western military industrial complex keeps making trillions off oil wars in the desert and people keep reproducing with the growth mentality of a cancer cell? Big deal, one person used canvas shopping bags instead of plastic and decided to get sterilized. The decision-makers at the top are the ones who’d have to take the major steps, and they’re not going to do squat as long as the money keeps rolling in. So no matter what, we’re screwed. The plastic junk will just get left behind as fossils of a defunct species. So like he said, the planet is fine; we’re the ones who are fucked.

          • (((fka_donnie_d)))

            I don’t normally proselytize, but

            Will you be Buddhist with me, for just a little bit? Can we stop, for a few minutes/days/weeks/years, worrying about the “decision makers at the top” and ask ourselves what we can do now, or tomorrow, or next week, to not fuck over our little green-and-blue ball of dirt and do that, if only to make ourselves feel better?

            I mean, no offense, and I said I wouldn’t be judgey, but I feel like if we go too far down your line of thinking we’ll end up like my first boss, who would go down the highway with his windows open and his AC on full cause it was a company truck and not his gas.

    • bupkus231

      Hey, the GOP would use the revenue to offset tax cuts for the rich! Don’t give ’em any ideas.

    • theblackdog

      If we make that happen, then they’ll make sure to make it impossible to get out to vote if you work.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      I agree, but it would be more successful if you got a tax deduction for voting. People love to get a deduction, no matter how small it is.

    • shivaskeeper

      I’m 45 years old later this year. This was my first election where I voted.

      I joined the Army at 17. I chose to not exercise my franchise for Federal level positions as I felt the military should be non-partisan and not get butthurt if the “wrong” person wins. I chose to not exercise my franchise at the local level since I figured why should I cast a vote on your local issues when I know I won’t have to deal with the results as I’ll be moving soon.

      How much should I have been fined?

      • bobbert

        Same as any other citizen ;>)

      • Jeff Ackerman

        The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
        Edmund Burke

        • shivaskeeper

          I understand that. But it doesn’t answer the question. What should have been my additional tax or fine for choosing to be as nonpartisan as possible in my chosen in my job and choosing to not insert myself into local politics knowing I was not going to have to deal with any of the results? How long should I have gone to jail for refusing to pay said tax or fine because to me being non partisan, not just having the appearance of being nonpartisan, and was extremely important.

          Basically what I am saying is we cannot force someone to vote either by taxes, fines, or the barrel of a gun. We cannot force someone to vote with the threat of government sanctioned violence against them. That is not how democracy works. Democracy at the the barrel of a gun does not work. Democracy by government threat does not work.

          • Jeff Ackerman

            Check out this article. We pay taxes, social security, medicare, attend school because it is mandatory in our democracy. We abide by the laws of our country/state/county/city because it is mandatory.

            http://www.pbs.org/newshour/rundown/22-countries-voting-mandatory/

          • shivaskeeper

            Immaterial. The article mentions one country with a potential $20 fine.

            You did not answer my questions.

  • Anna Rompage

    KKKris KKKobach, what happens when a Richard Spencer mini-me, is voted in as Sec of State…

    • “M”

      … in KKKansas.

  • lucidamente

    Does Donald bang Ivanka and make Jared watch? We will never know.

  • How Jennifer Rubin ended her afternoon OpEd in WaPo:

    “the White House knows the public no longer trusts the president to meet with America’s most formidable foe. We know — and the White House knows we know — Trump is a slave to his own ego, a compromised figure whose fidelity to America can no longer be assumed.”

    You go, girl.

    • (((fka_donnie_d)))

      Yea, all due respect to you and the sentiment, be a cold day in hell when she gets one of those from me.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        For all her issues (and they are legion) she’s doing a wonderful job of being the voice of reason regarding the boy king

        • (((fka_donnie_d)))

          As a Jew, I need her and many other Jews to STFU about Israel. The margin is too small for my reasons.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            oh, that’s at the top of the list of issues she has- but one of the nice things about her 24/7 railing on the boy king is that it serves as a nice distraction so she STFU about Israel

          • (((fka_donnie_d)))

            *shrug* dont worry, when the democrats get reelected she’ll be right back to making sure we sell them All of the Guns.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            unfortunately

      • “We can always begin again.”

        I welcome anyone who can see the same thing with new eyes.

        • (((fka_donnie_d)))

          Realizing that Trump is, well… Trump is so easy, even a Krauthammer can do it. What we need these people to do is realize that their past behavior is a proximate cause.

          • Rubin is taking a very public stand and she’s doing so without Krauthammer’s political folly. She is a reluctant ally, but an ally nonetheless.

          • (((fka_donnie_d)))

            Hmmm… The problem is that to determine if you’re right I need to read Rubin. A difficult decision.

  • memzilla Ω
    • Zippy W Pinhead

      or a castration- you can never be too sure

    • (((fka_donnie_d)))

      Yaaaaassss

    • Three Finger Salute

      Maybe there’s something to the idea that he’s Hitler after all. That the whole “would you kill baby Hitler” thought-experiment question during the debates was directed at his reincarnation.

      Or perhaps… his offspring.

      Hitler: died 30 April 1945
      Trump: born 14 June 1946

      I’m not saying he was a boy from Brazil, but he was a boy from Brazil.

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    After 15 years of giving career advice this is what it boils down to:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M6wVi96BkSk

  • (((fka_donnie_d)))

    Let’s be clear. Dumbass did not assemble this bullshit because he thinks (or, probably, cares) that dead people voted. He just needed a reason to go around saying that he did too win the popular vote. Neener Neener Neener.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Tru dat. This is Pence and the Mercers doing. Trump is busy looking at titty pix.

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        He’s naked and looking in a mirror?

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • DainBramage
    • MynameisBlarney
    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      OK, maybe if we get to see those gray bastards raise the white flag every week.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      The series takes place in an alternate timeline, where the southern states have successfully seceded from the Union, giving rise to a nation in which slavery remains legal and has evolved into a modern institution.

      Because there just haven’t been enough alternate history stories covering this ground.

      • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

        evolved into a modern institution.

        Wasn’t that called Jim Crow and separate but equal and apartheid?

        • theblackdog

          THIS!

          Also WTF HBO

        • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

          I am curious as to how they are going to get around:
          1) The Confederacy maybe would have had a chance if they had gotten recognition from Britain and France
          2) Britain in particular would only have recognized the Confederacy if they were willing to end slavery (in fact, in 1864 with the Confederacy on the verge of defeat Jefferson Davis sent a communique to Britain saying they would accept “any condition” attached to official recognition).

      • Red Bird

        Because there aren’t already any white people already fantasizing about this.

        • Komsumverweigerer Ron

          ‘Because there aren’t already any white people already fantasizing legislating to bring about this.’

          FIFY

          • Red Bird

            I know. Ever since November 2016 I’ve been side-eyeing white women.

      • Maggielle

        It sounds like it’s based on Ben Winter’s recent alternate history novel and now I have to recheck the title but it was actually quite good.
        ETA: “Underground Airlines”, 2016. Not to be confused with Colton Whitehead’s “Underground Railroad”.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Shitty timing, shitty premise and a fucking bad idea, bigly.

      • Red Bird

        I’d say the timing is deliberate.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Because shamelessly ripping off “The Man In the High Castle” and giving it a racist Southern twist seemed like a good idea?

    • TJ Barke

      There’s already a mockumentary on that, and it was pretty disturbing actually.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Here, HBO. Lemme show you how real dope ass Southern history shit is done.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VpTf1GFjCd8

    • hendenburg2

      Because now HBO is seriously addicted to the Thinkpiece-Industrial Complex.

      Other assorted musings: 1) it’s about the THIRD American Civil War. So what about #2?
      2) How will they explain that the North lost despite having twice the population, twice the immigration, ~10x the general industrial manufacturing capacity, and ~50x the weapons manufacturing capacity?

  • Msgr_MΩment

    OT: Creationist taxpayer-fuckers continue to fuck over the taxpayers? Creationist taxpayer-fuckers continue to fuck over the taxpayers.
    http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2017/07/17/creationists-have-sold-ark-encounter-to-themselves-for-10-to-avoid-taxes/?utm_campaign=shareaholic&utm_medium=facebook&utm_source=socialnetwork

    • Angela Ruzzo

      Those Pharisees keep forgetting this bit in the Bible:
      Matthew 22:15-22
      “Then went the Pharisees…saying…Is it lawful to give tribute unto Caesar, or not? But Jesus perceived their wickedness, and said, Why tempt ye me, ye hypocrites? Shew me the tribute money. And they brought unto him a penny. And he saith unto them, Whose is this image and superscription? They say unto him, Caesar’s. Then saith he unto them, Render therefore unto Caesar the things which are Caesar’s; and unto God the things that are God’s.”

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      I’m moderately sure there’s a law forbidding this exact thing – transferring a property to yourself at a tiny fraction of its value to avoid some financial obligation.
      I hope the town sues them into the next life, and turns the stupid thing into the world’s weirdest seafood restaurant.

  • Crystalclear12

    I’m just going to leave this incoherent rage scream here:
    Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!?!?!?!?

  • DainBramage
    • Zippy W Pinhead

      DO OVER!

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    I plan on fighting vigorously against all efforts to suppress the vote, and I urge my fellow Americans to do the same.

    You’ve got it, good sir…

    http://loveumentary.com/wp-content/uploads/im-with-you1.jpg

  • bupkus231

    Just to show that Kobach is an equal-opportunity loon, he went on to this exchange with Katy Tur ( from MaddowBlog ):

    But this led to an equally interesting exchange, looking at the absurd conspiracy theory from the opposite direction:

    TUR: So are the votes for Donald Trump that lead him to win the election in doubt as well?

    KOBACH: Absolutely.

    Link: http://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/trumps-top-voting-commissioner-questions-2016-popular-vote#break

    It really sounds as if Kobach will next be saying we don’t really know if the world exists or if it’s just figments of his imagination….

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      At a guess? He thinks Donnie’s total will be HIGHER.

      • bupkus231

        Oh, there’s no real doubt what Kobach “really” thinks ( if one can call his brain spasms “thought” ).

        If possible, this person is even more fucked in the head than Rump. I doubt he could be accepted in any society, so it makes sense he’s probably a solipsist sociopath.

  • thewalkindude

    CBO score on repeal of ACA: 17 million more uninsured by 2018, 32 million by 2026, premiums double by 2026

    • theblackdog

      I suspect they will double much faster than by 2026. In the seven years I had health insurance before the ACA was passed, my biweekly premiums were almost double what they had been when I started. ACA slowed it the hell down and got us even better health insurance.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        until Rubio et al sabotaged the risk corridor payments, the rate pre ACA was 31% annual increases, post ACA 20%

        These lying fucks are fucking liars

        • ahughes798

          I just heard on NPR today that premiums on the exchanges are due to rise 20-23% this year, so at this rate, they will quadruple or more by 2026.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            Perhaps you should read a little further and find out WHY those rates are going up- in fact, the insurance companies have told us- UNCERTAINTY thanks to the boy king playing games with the payments. Perhaps you should learn to do math better while you’re at it. 31%>20% EVERY FUCKING TIME. I’ve been on a marketplace plan since it started. I saved that $2500 a year, every year until the fucking republicans sabotaged it (that sabotage is still there and is baked into the 20-23% figure you quoted). I kept my doctor and I was loving life.

          • ahughes798

            I already know that. It was explained during the NPR piece. I’m not shilling for the insurance companies or Donnie Two Scoops here. Just relating what I heard. Perhaps you shouldn’t jump to conclusions.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            You may not have meant to- but the comparison you put forward is disingenuous in that it implies that the CBO score for Donniecare is relative to a baseline 2016 policy. Except it’s actually relative to the the predicted baseline in 2026 based upon the status quo. IOW the ACA. So whatever the ACA may cost in ten years, the Donniecare policy will be 100% higher. If anyone put forth a proposal that would merely double your premium ten years from now, they’d be hailed as a hero.

          • ahughes798

            The comparison I put forward was from Nice Polite Republicans. I was in the car when I heard it. Haven’t had the time to thoroughly research it yet. Thank you for the additional information, though!

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            no worries- I was actually far more angry at them than at you- I just have little patience for the unbelievable amount of flagrant lies about the ACA

          • bupkus231

            “UNCERTAINTY”

            And that’s the whole thing – even without any actual legislative changes, these fuckers have already fucked us all. Unlike Congress, insurance companies have to look past the next election – and thus the uncertainty that the GOP has been fostering will cause the insurance companies to raise their premiums to rival those that the GOP has been lying about.

        • theblackdog

          That sounds about right, so the CBO is definitely underestimating how fast premiums will rise.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Yeah, I can see moderates and battleground state Senators going for that as the midterms approach. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a64f27deb0a6b03c504a65e43199da4cd64ee7fe8ed4d20f01c21ebd7655d7a2.gif

    • bupkus231

      Face it, that presumes that the health insurance sector even exists by 2026.
      Hell, this will drive the complete dissolution of the whole concept of
      “insurance” by 2026 – bringing about the Ayn Randian Paradise that Rand Paul and Pail Ryan “believe” is the ideal environment for any developed society….

      Hey – is that the basis of a whole new “conspiracy theory”? Or have I just been hitting the bourbon too hard this evening?

  • sw19covfefe

    More GOP “locker room talk”… Larry Craig style…
    https://m.dailykos.com/stories/2017/7/19/1682111/-Kentucky-Republican-Party-official-charged-with-indecent-exposure-tasered-after-resisting-arrest

    “Dr. Narramore is clearly going through some personal issues,” and has resigned from all affiliation with the Republican Party of Kentucky, Watson said. “We wish him well as he attempts to deal with (his) personal struggles.”

    Erm. What are those “issues” and “struggles” exactly? Deciding whether he’s attracted to guys or not?

    • Me not sure
      • (((fka_donnie_d)))

        As in, letcher toe gently slide pasture toilet stall divider.

        Letcher wille gently peek outcher fly

        Etc…..

        • Me not sure

          Matthew 5:16King James Version (KJV)

          16 Letcher light so shine before men, that they may see your good works,… …

      • Three Finger Salute

        And he thinks he can Letcher US about being lecherous.

        • Me not sure

          He’s a fucking dentist, for God’s sake. He ain’t getting close to my mouth. I don’t know where that probe has been.

      • Bmaccnm

        I lived there, worked in the ICU at Whitesburg Hospital. Watched lots of folks die very young from coal mining, smoking, and a lard-based diet. It’s a beautiful place, but you best keep your mouth shut.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    Let’s just have a 2016 do-over so we can we sure, then
    https://twitter.com/DustinGiebel/status/887782334900166657

    • Doug Langley

      “My fellow Americans. We have just examined the vote results, and . . . I’m not the President.”

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        Even if it were proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that every one of those 62,979,636 votes were cast by a computer in Smolensk, you’d need heavy machinery to pry him out of the Oval Office.

        • bupkus231

          …or several heavy machine guns

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Of votes.

          • bupkus231

            KRon’s point was that votes wouldn’t matter to Rump – even in the ones that were cast in a legal election turned out to be “phony”

            I know there’s the “Non-commenting rules for Rebels” – but this is really a response that does NOT call for the “with votes” qualifier

          • WomanInThePersistence

            When machine guns are mentioned, then yes, the “with votes” qualifier is called for. And I didn’t respond to K Ron, who merely mentioned heavy machinery. I responded to you.

        • Doug Langley

          Easy peasy. Just dangle a piece of chocolate cake and he’ll go anywhere you want.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • Crystalclear12

      Rinse and repeat.

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        Thought his name was Reince?

  • elviouslyqueer
  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • WomanInThePersistence

    OK, this is fucking serious. I know this in my bones. And I’m not trying to take away from that. At all. But I’ve been up since 2:45am, because inventory, and I’m probably not at my best. And inventory is Over!

    Still, let’s all stay pissed.

    • Jeffocaster in the West

      Dear, WITP….get the boss to go to cycle counting. The End from Jeff the Snark….glad it is over.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        If possible, I would. We’re working on coming up with something less onerous. But it’s my boss’s boss’s boss. Until then, we’ll, there it is. And again, I’m not in any way making light of these serious issues. I’m just too damned tired to communicate very effectively.

        • Komsumverweigerer Ron

          If you’re that tired then don’t try. Get yourself horizontal ASAP and communicate when your brain is working again. We’re not goin’ anywhere.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            If I do that, aka take a nap, my sleep cycle will be fucked up for days. Generally, I try to stagger through. It’s like jet lag, but without the glamor.

          • Komsumverweigerer Ron

            I’ve done that. I was a LOT younger when I tried it.

  • IdRatherBeDancing

    I am waiting for the Karma visit to the fuckstick Kobach. I truly will eat popcorn when that happens (gallons of it). Cause it’s gonna happen. You cannot be that assholishly malevolent without it happening.

    • bupkus231

      Yeah, consider how many suits and potential suits he’s facing ( not to mention the fines he’s already been ordered to pay ), I can;t wait for his gubernatorial bid in Oklahoma to go down in flames.

      May this fucker learn what it means to be condemned and shunned by all of society – and not just “polite” society. I want him to experience being the ultimate pariah.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Kris Koback Karma

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • The Wanderer

    Righteous and FURIOUS ANGER!

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Also, to go back on topic for a moment, #RespectMyVote is trending on Twitter:

    https://twitter.com/hashtag/RespectMyVote?src=tren&data_id=tweet%3A887776529333092352

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    Li’l Trumpy tries the mafia strong arm technique, because he’s real good at making deals or something
    https://twitter.com/docrocktex26/status/887741884935917568

    • Doug Langley

      “You’re fired! You’re fired! YOU’RE FIRED!!! Damn, why isn’t this working?”

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Nice seat, there, Senator. Be a shame if something were to … happen to it.

    • bupkus231

      I kinda think this is bullshit – you know that Rump has the perfect excuse that he was talking about Heller’s re-election possibilities ( I believe I’ve read that Rump’s re-election superPAC is already looking for someone to primary Heller ) and not some kinda half-assed mafia threat.

      As much as I hate the OPOS, stores that are slanted like this are weak insults – Lord knows there’s lotsa stronger criticisms and insults to hurl at Rump. Let’s not give the weak-minded idjits at Fix News any more fodder with which to smear the opposition to Rump ( “They compared him to a Mafia boss – they hate the Presidency!!!” )

      On second thought – fuck what Fix News and the whining Trumpanzees squeal. Carry on….

    • Kiri the Unicorn
      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        Next thing you know, he’ll be nailing senator’s heads to the floor.

        • therblig

          “off the top of my head, i have to hand it to you” – Cicero

  • Lyly Sirivong
    • sw19covfefe

      The wording suggests picking up tourists and fucking them on the way home.
      Blimey, at least buy them a baguette and brie sandwich first.

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      Go home fucking? Might make traveling more fun, but I’ll bet the airlines would frown on that. At least until the seat belt indicator is turned off at least.

      • bupkus231

        Just one post down, and I din’t read it….

        Sorry.

      • AJ Milne

        ‘Please remain in your current positions and with your current partner(s) until the aircraft reaches a standstill.’

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Missing comma.
      Go home fucking, tourists?
      Go, home-fucking tourists?

      • bupkus231

        “Go home fucking, tourists?”

        Hey, that might make for a great new “airline story” in the news, huh? Maybe they can get Ann Coulter to bitch about being seated next to them…

  • Doug Langley

    UPDATE: bank account is down to $300. Rent due in two weeks will be almost $600. Went to a church today which has a rent assistance program. Turns out their FEMA funds have dried up, so “come back in a few weeks.”

    Tomorrow have interview. Drive 50 miles. Very good pay, full time, the HR lady sounded nice. I meet the required skills perfectly. Wish me luck!!

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      good luck! sending you positive vibes.

      • Doug Langley

        Thanks.

    • shivaskeeper

      Good luck. Don’t sell yourself short during the interview.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      Best of luck, dress nicely, hide tattoos, brush your teeth right before the interview, practice your handshake, smile, good posture. It works for me.

      • cmd resistor

        Don’t use any of the Trump handshakes.

        • Doug Langley

          You mean I gotta leave my Super Vise Pliers at home? Phooey. I just love the crunching sound those things make.

    • jesterpunk

      Good luck, hope you get it.

    • Doug Langley

      If anyone’s interested, my gofundme is still open:

      gofundme.com/dougs-expenses

      • WomanInThePersistence

        Jinx!

        • Doug Langley

          Iz okay. You’re probably just worn out from the inventory.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Bigly.

      • BradtheBot

        Might want to update your gofundme goal & details….

        • Doug Langley

          Ah, good point.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Do you still have the Gofundme? I don’t have much, but will kick in what I can. (Honestly, it’s not much)

    • biologydave

      Fingers crossed for you, Doug. Be yourself and try your best to relax during the interview.

      • Doug Langley

        Been keeping the Prozac consumption steady and trying to eat right, so doing fairly good.

    • mardam422

      Luck. I know how it feels and what it’s like. Take it.

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        Many of us do. It’s so damn scary.

        • Dorothybchavez

          Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family! !pz204d:
          On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
          !pz204d:
          ➽➽
          ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialJobsCash494MarketUniqueGetPay$97Hour ★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★:::::!pz204l..,.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      I remember being in that situation, but it was a long time ago and my account was down to $10 and I was down to eating peanut butter on saltine crackers and $165 rent was due in 2 weeks. I had to call my parents and ask for a loan. Nearly killed me to do it.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        Asking for help from parents sucks. Been there.

      • Doug Langley

        Bummer. Food’s not much of a problem. Summer camp feeds me lunch and I get to take leftovers home. Apartment has a pantry I can raid. And there’s a nearby Aldi. So not hurting there.

      • Doug Langley

        Summer camp will pay me a tad on Friday, either $100 or $200, depending on whether they want me in Friday. Still won’t cover rent, though. But there is another rent assistance thing in town, will check next week.

        • SpideySenser

          It’ll help, fer sure.

    • biologydave

      This may sound weird, but do you play an instrument?

      • Doug Langley

        Um, no . . . was I keeping you up at night?

        • biologydave

          No, but I had to join a local band to make ends meet before I got hired at work. It wasn’t great money, but it was something.

          • Doug Langley

            Trust me, that’s exactly this summer camp thing is.

          • biologydave

            Got it

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I used to do that too. I played piano with a band at weddings on weekends back in the early 80’s and made $50 per gig – and it was CASH, which I didn’t report on my taxes, tee hee. It added up to $200/month which was a LOT of money then.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      I’m guessing you don’t have anything you can sell? I remember the summer of 1981 when I was between jobs and got sick and needed an x-ray, and the hospital wouldn’t do it unless I paid in advance cause I had no insurance, so I sold the ONE THING I OWNED that was worth money, a 21-carat gold bracelet my father had given me. I got $300 for it, which was a lot of money in 1981. But it broke my heart. I never told my father.

      • Doug Langley

        I’ve sold much of everything valuable. Unless you know someone who’s begging for VHS tapes or a CRT television or a broken manual typewriter.

        • Angela Ruzzo

          I thought about selling my eggs once, but then the brochure said the donor had to be under age 25, and I was 28. They rejected my eggs. That was a slap in the face that doesn’t happen to a woman every day.

          • Doug Langley

            Ouch.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            I’m sure they are very nice eggs. And those bastards. Is there a cutoff date for sperm?

          • biologydave

            Yes. The older the sperm sample, the greater risk for problems.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            They were superb eggs. You don’t find eggs like mine every day. High IQ, emotionally stable, tall, slim, relatives all lived to be past 90, long history of voting for progressive party, Wonkette reader …. :-D

          • AnnieGetYerFun

            My eggs would have been so terrible, but I DID consider asking, “Hey, if the kid is born to an obese, ugly couple with diabetes and comes out all slim and healthy, won’t it feel out of place?”

          • Angela Ruzzo

            You don’t know your eggs would have been so terrible. According to a PBS documentary I saw 20 years ago, a girl baby is born with all the eggs she will ever have, about 1 million of them, and they immediately begin to die, and by the time she hits puberty she “only” has 10,000 left, which they jokingly pointed out is more than she will ever need. And half the DNA in those eggs is from the father, and half from the mother, with a few mutations at the bottom of the pile, so it’s a total crap shoot.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            30 minutes ago

      • biologydave

        I had to sell my prize bass to afford tuition for school. It’s an awful feeling.

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      Sending the best vibes I got to you. I wish I could do more.

    • hudson srinivasan

      all the very best doug. go get it.

    • SpideySenser

      You go, Dude. Make sure you have your very best self with you, Namaste.

    • DrBigHead

      Good luck, and stay positive. Many of us have been where you are right now, including MsBigHead and I. DO NOT GIVE UP!

    • ltmcdies

      best of luck…and have a safe drive..eh.

    • Ilgattomorte

      Best of luck. We’re all hoping for the best.

    • Very big good luck Doug, you are gonna smash it !

      Bigly.

    • lovelydestruction

      Luck

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • TJ Barke

      Fuck them. Traitorous scum.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      “Your honor, even though my client did, in fact, rob that bank, he has used some of that money to refinance his debt and buy a new house, and if he had to give that money back, he would be in enormous financial difficulty.”

      • bupkus231

        something something parricide throwing himself on the mercy of the court because he’s now an orphan something something else….

    • cmd resistor

      That’s because they don’t know what collusion means.

      • Doug Langley

        “Of course I know what collusion is!! Just look at all the rust on mah truck!”

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        ‘That’s when ya hit some piece of Jap crap with yer truck, right?’

      • WomanInThePersistence

        Too many syllables.

    • clubseal

      100 percent of that 77 percent would probably tell you that lying about a blowjob while in office should have gotten Clinton kicked out of office.

    • Dg Hacket

      That’s because their dumb as shit. That’s because their schools failed them. That’s because not enough of us were loud enough in our objections to conservative idiocy.

      • TJ Barke

        That’s not just stupidity, it’s spite. “Spite, spite, spite the liberals, no matter what issue, no matter how it might bite me on the ass, spite the liberals cuz sometimes they talk down to us…”

        • Yr. Gma

          Then there was that black guy from Kenya…

          • WomanInThePersistence

            God/dess I miss him.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          TBF- it’s both

          • TJ Barke

            I said “just”

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      I’d have loved a follow-up question for those who answered that he should stay asking them to explain their reasoning. I always thought that being anti-collaborating-with-our-enemies was a bipartisan thing.

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        Reasoning? What is this thing you call reasoning?

    • bupkus231

      100 percent of Rump voters should be slapped repeatedly – those 77 percent should be slapped with a fish.

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      77 percent of Trump voters should be happy to go to Leavenworth with him, then.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      “He may be a crook, but he’s OUR crook!”

    • therblig

      because putin would be a better president than pence?

      makes you think.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    ♪ Whites in Knight satin…♪

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      Always preaching the end…

  • bobbert

    So, up here in the foothills of reddish California, we get to rely on our big gummint firefighters again.

  • AngryNotSoOldHippy .

    Christian shit hole Republicans hate everything our country stands for. They are Russian cock sucking traitors, and their Christianity is their core problem.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Their “Christianity” has precious little to do with Jesus but the name.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        CINO — Christains In Name Only

  • canes_pugnaces

    Known Facts:

    #1: Only 135 people voted for Trump, all lived in Moscow
    #2: The moon is made of cheese
    #3: Hillary won the electoral college my 200.

    Can we please set up a commission.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Oh Jesus H Christ…wake me when Chelsea takes a meeting with Ukrainian operatives:

    https://twitter.com/Khanoisseur/status/887082751232323584

    https://twitter.com/AndrewBeatty/status/887024861872312320

    • bupkus231

      Considering Manafort’s connections, one would think the WH would shy away from Ukraine. Uzbekistan, okay, but Ukraine should be radioactive to the GOP ( and no pun per Chernobyl intended ).

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        Because when your neighbor down the street tells you that someone is trying to break into your house, that’s collusion

    • TJ Barke

      Something tells me that Ukraine didn’t hack our election systems or use a targeted propaganda blitz to poison the well against a particular candidate in a quid pro quo arrangement to remove sanctions…

    • Does begging for help and screaming “save us from the awful Russian asshole!” Count as collusion now?

  • Roni Raven, Undercovfefe Agent
  • DainBramage
    • hendenburg2

      Although, does it really count as covert once it has been reported on in the Washington Post?

    • Roni Raven, Undercovfefe Agent

      Trumpy and Pooty sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    One chyron is worth a thousand words:

    https://twitter.com/Independent/status/887742587032920064

    • Jamoche

      Dear lord but does he have Sex Doll Face.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Good Lord! If forced to choose, I would rather see a vegan baby’s butthole than Trump’s Anus Face! And doG help me if I’m ever in that situation.

      Also too, it has been a long time since I studied anthropology at university, but I’m sure that expression is some sort of male ape dominance face, right? Trump does that a lot! Maybe somebody out there can chime in and set me straight.

  • The CBO score is out on the latest Trumpcare proposal (repeal and don’t replace the ACA):

    WaPo lede:

    32 million more Americans would be uninsured by 2026 under Senate measure heading to a vote next week, CBO projects

    • DainBramage

      The hate-fucking of the America people by the GOP continues.

      • The proposals get worse for everyone (individuals, insurance companies, employers, etc) with each round yet the Regressives keep poking themselves in the eye with a sharp stick and wondering why they can’t see.

        BTW, eyes poked by sharp sticks are not covered in any of their “plans”.

    • Doug Langley

      I’m sure it’s just coincidence that all these plans result in millions losing health care.

      • Three Finger Salute

        The NSGOP really wants to kill more people than Hitler. That guy, what a cuck. Low energy.

  • Ricky Gay

    Fuck these guys, Ima go light up a doob with Malia in Spain!

  • cmd resistor

    So supposedly this GOP meeting tonight was set up before the big fat lunch today and is supposed to be an opportunity for people to “iron out” differences. According to Politico:
    “The meeting is scheduled for 7:30 p.m. Wednesday, and supporters of the repeal bill hope that key holdouts and skeptics attend, including Sens. Pat Toomey of Pennsylvania, Rob Portman of Ohio, Ted Cruz of Texas, Mike Lee of Utah, Bill Cassidy of Louisiana, Susan Collins of Maine, Ron Johnson of Wisconsin, Jerry Moran of Kansas, Rand Paul of Kentucky, Shelley Moore Capito of West Virginia and Lisa Murkowski of Alaska. But Collins is skipping it, and it wasn’t clear who would show up.”
    http://www.politico.com/story/2017/07/19/trump-congress-no-recess-health-care-240718
    Good for Susan Collins. I hope no one shows up.

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      Ted Cruz is such a boot licker.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Much ado aboot licking?

        • Doug Langley

          You heel.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        You are too kind. Boots deserve better than that.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      How much do they want to sit around for a bunch of bullying and public humiliation from a president whose approval rating is dropping like a stone?
      Here’s a thought – Donnie Two Scoops where’s your fucking health plan? Where’s this plan you promised the American people that was supposed to cover everyone for less?
      I know- it’s the same place as Trump Steaks, Trump Airways, Trump Casinos, and Trump University.

      • cmd resistor

        I sort of gather Trump is not a part of this one but not sure. But you are right about the bullying. I wish just one of them would say Fuck You Pig.

    • Joe Beese

      Will there be steak?

      • cmd resistor

        I couldn’t even see a snack list.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        Probably well-done. But at least there will be ketchup!

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      I notice Dean Heller isn’t on that list. Have they decided to write him off?

      • cmd resistor

        Who knows. Later in the article it said Susan Collins had thought it was an invitation only thing so since she didn’t get an invite, she made other plans.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Something something frogs in wheelbarrow something.

  • sw19covfefe

    Just a reminder from your tame election wonk:

    75,000 recorded* votes in PA WI and MI won Trump the Electoral College.

    Otherwise it would have been 280 to 258 to HRC

    Fuck it, even throw WI back to Trump, HRC still wins (assuming no ratfucking by faithless Bernie Bro electors)

    https://twitter.com/NateSilver538/status/887755068656803844

  • Thiazin Red

    I got a letter for fucking jury duty, and I know I have a letter somewhere exempting me for another few years, but I can’t find it.

    At least if its anything finance related I can get out of it. Being well educated usually gets you off, but last time the two lawyers struck so many people they had to take my group because there was no one left.

    • sw19covfefe

      I enjoyed jury duty. In an eye-opening kind of way.

      • Thiazin Red

        The timing is not great. I have a ton of work to do.

        • sw19covfefe

          Yeah, it is a ball ache, but civic duty/responsible citizen and all that. :)
          Cool if you’ve got a note tho.

        • SnarkON

          Not a good excuse, comrade. Go be a good citizen!

      • SnarkON

        I find it fascinating.

      • Three Finger Salute

        I don’t think I could do it. I simply don’t feel comfortable having the fate of another person in my hands. Especially considering what we know about the criminal injustice system and how it’s applied for minorities and the poor. I’d probably end up killing myself out of guilt either way.

        • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

          My dad was on two civil juries – one over a property line dispute between two companies, and one involving a contract between a fast-food place and the shopping center they were in. He enjoyed those as they weren’t life-or-death cases.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            i feel the same way about my career.

        • Thiazin Red

          My guy last time was guilty as hell, no question, so at least that wasn’t a problem.

        • sw19covfefe

          Being in a room and experiencing several female jurors rip a confident 13-year-old girl’s testimony to shreds, for no reason other than “she thinks she’s so special”, etc was one of the weirdest experiences of my life.
          Hung jury. Complete impasse.
          At least the defendant had already been convicted for aggravated assault in a separate, but connected, case.

          • sw19covfefe

            EDIT: she might have been 14 or 15 by the time of the trial, but the point still holds.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Jfc.

          • sw19covfefe

            IKR?

          • WomanInThePersistence

            I wish I could say that was shocling.

          • sw19covfefe

            Being a lowly womble-covfefe hybrid thing, I am usually not privy to such naked ‘friendly fire’ (although I’ve been on the sofa and kitchen etc during various bitching sessions).
            I remember my eyes locking with a quietly exasperated (older female) foreman, after the vote went from 8-4 in favour of Guilty, to 7-5, and cue another bitching session from two jurors, almost snarling about how this teenager couldn’t be trusted, because she’s way too confident in what she said happened….
            Just, wow. Remember it clear as anything, even now.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Again, jfc.

      • SisterArtemis

        I did too, though it was distressing the first time back in the late 1990s. My eleven fellow jurists were racist to different degrees, and it was a drug bust on a Mexican man who was going to be deported after the trial. He spoke no English. When we were deliberating, one asshole fellow juror called him the wrong name, and I called her on it. She told me, “Juan, Carlos, whatever – these people are all the same!” I didn’t think the prosecution had proved its case, and the rest of them were all, “hey you know he’s guilty of something” and voted to convict because Reasons. *sigh*

        The second time I was one of six on a drunk driving trial; fortunately no one was hurt, but the driver didn’t want to lose his license, so went to court. He was so painfully obviously guilty, but THIS group, when back in the jury room, carefully deliberated the possibilities and the (ludicrous) theory the defense offered, and also shared various “I probably shouldn’t have been driving, but…” stories, and then we voted him guilty. It was very satisfying to put that WAAAAYYYYY over the legal limit dude in his place.

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          “Juan, Carlos, whatever.”

          “john, carl, whatever.”

          I tell ya, living in a majority hispanic town has been a blessing.

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      If it’s a criminal investigation, talk about police brutality. Mentioning Ezell Ford’s name got me out of jury duty last time I got called!

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/9b91286d7866de90ec2d293d3332ab82f6d5b8491bbf4012dcb3c28aafe336ce.jpg

    • Tell them you’re a non-commenter on the wonkettes.

      They’ll escort you out.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      I had to fill out the questionnaire which will put me in the federal court’s pool for the next 2 years. I didn’t meet any of the exemptions, but as soon as they see my JD I’ll be 86’d

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        my paralegal teacher says the same thing whenever she notes she works for the DA.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      I still have yet to be called for jury duty, and I’m nearly 40.

    • AnnieGetYerFun
    • Mr. Blobfish

      I’ve always found my service fascinating. I’ve done Grand, Petit and was foreman on a civil case. I was in the pool for a murder trial this past winter but was disqualified.

    • Paul

      If it’s a serious crime, tell them you think probation is proper. If it’s trivial, say you heartily endorse the death penalty in cases like this.

  • I just had a large bowl of Hagen Daas Spirits Vodka and Key Lime Pie. I am happier now

    • DainBramage

      How did I not know about this?

    • WomanInThePersistence

      I just had a large glass of pinot grigio. I am also happier now.

      • SisterArtemis

        lolz, was just thinking about an hour ago, I should find out what that gal drinks.

        • SisterArtemis

          Also too, as a followup, my steddad, kind of a wine guy himself, calls it “Peanut Grease.” He has a lot of cute names for wines, but that’s the one that stuck in my head.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            If it’s wine, I’m pretty much not terribly picky.

      • Thiazin Red

        Ugh, its piglio griglio you dumb bitch!

        (I’m so glad I found Off the Menu’s new site, I missed it)

        • WomanInThePersistence

          I’m working on the assumption that you meant “dumb bitch” with love. And affection. Because that actually isn’t what came across.

          • Thiazin Red

            In the Off the Menu column that used to be here, but moved, there was a story about ladies trying to order pinot grigio and one of them said that. Sorry, people throw in the references a lot, but I shouldn’t assume everyone read it.

          • SisterArtemis

            I find it useful to link to questionable wonkisms, just to be helpful.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Thanks. I haven’t read that. I’m fairly new here. And I appreciate that you responded.
            https://youtu.be/YpewNTgFGuQ

        • Khavrinen

          I haven’t found it yet, share please?

        • Msgr_MΩment

          You mean peanut gringo?

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Well, at least you’re taking care of yourself.

    • cmd resistor

      Ok, I had to look this up. Is it true it’s only sold in Canada?

      • DainBramage

        You mean I’d have to drive up to Vancouver to get some? Surely there’s a blackmarket.

      • Must be. That’s where i got mine

        • cmd resistor

          That’s what I was reading. Well buy a bunch of it so they will decide to sell it down here.

  • jaspersdad

    Saw this over at Fusion.

    “Teen Girls Stage Incredible Quinceañera Protest at Texas Capitol Against Vile Anti-Immigrant Law”

    http://fusion.kinja.com/teen-girls-stage-incredible-quinceanera-protest-at-texa-1797064966

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/26d1b3e193b0daedd2e328737b5afe9f27f39b06867e363acea97ea681f4a0e9.jpg

    • Joe Beese

      Dusty in here…

    • Three Finger Salute

      Wow, good for them. I wish I was that feisty at 15. I was just a lonely nerd who sat on the floor of the cafeteria to eat lunch because I had nowhere to sit at the tables, and who used to get “bumped into” by cheerleaders in the hall and have my glasses “accidentally” stepped on. Now almost 20 years later, I’m still nowhere near that level of defiant, and still a reclusive nerd. Never had such an awesome Disney princess gown either.

      • jaspersdad

        Beautiful gowns to be sure, to go along with that fighting spirit.

        Texas is projected to have a majority Latino population by 2030.

        • puredog

          Per the NYer article, the Anglo population of Texas is already the minority, and scrabbling hard to hang on to their privilege.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      It’s also a great way to get more wear out of a dress that ain’t cheap! (Not to cheapen the meaning behind their protest, I just love a big gown)

  • CountryClubJihadi

    I can’t stop watching these cats play with a dildo.

    https://www.facebook.com/WTFxVIDEOS/videos/1346016212163966/

    • Rasilom

      Any man going neckid in that residence better be carful!

    • SnarkON

      I’m trying to figure out how it is stuck on the front of the bureau drawer. Is it self-adhesive or something?

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        it’s one of those suction cup things…according to the, uh, internet.

        • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

          And where did you get the internet?

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      Wonket: Where one goes whenever one needs to hear a sentence never spoken before!

    • shivaskeeper

      That is an incredibly bad precedent to set with cats. Just saying.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      That is why the internet was invented.

  • OrG

    I know which side I’m on.

    • SisterArtemis

      So say we all!
      .
      ..

      ….
      (well, most of us, except the shit show team)

  • exinkwretch

    Does Kobach’s middle name being with K, too? Because everything about the motherfucker screams KKK.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      It’s “W”. For “Weenie”, I think.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        a savage weiner, perhaps…

    • DainBramage

      Just go with Kansan Kris Kobach.

      • exinkwretch

        The official moniker of the group should be the Kris Kobach Kommission; KKK acceptable on second reference if you have a sense of truth, irony, or humor.

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      When they were handing out humanity, he certainly struck out…

  • DainBramage

    Charlie wants us to know that we can see him tonight.
    https://twitter.com/CharlesPPierce/status/887791592630878209

    • Curse you no internet!

      • SisterArtemis

        how are you talking to us? phone? and can’t you beg borrow or tempt with delicious icecream someone who has internets?

        • sw19covfefe

          In Canada, it’s a series of tubes!

          • SisterArtemis

            I heard the tubes are made of barrel staves. Probably made of maple wood.

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            Hand crafted by polite, trained beavers.

          • SisterArtemis

            Natch.

          • Msgr_MΩment

            I’ve always been a fan of the trained beavers.

        • Mobile. And streaming 3 hrs (chris, rachel, and lawrence) would kill my data

          • SisterArtemis

            If I ran the world, decent wifi would be everywhere for everyone, like air or a road to drive on.

          • I agree with this plan

  • Joe Beese
  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Heading out the door for now on this note:

    https://twitter.com/LarrySabato/status/887786793629888512

  • AJ Milne

    Probably already linked somewhere, but:

    https://newrepublic.com/article/143586/trumps-russian-laundromat-trump-tower-luxury-high-rises-dirty-money-international-crime-syndicate

    (Trump’s Russian Laundromat, Craig Unger, The New Republic, July 13, 2017)

  • Bobathonic

    MISSING PIXELS: I’m looking for a picture I saw, but gooflenisn’t helping. Surely someone among the Wonkettizens knows where it might be. It’s Trump and Pootypoot, with orange smudges on Pottypoot’s crotch and orange handprints on the pockets. I have to share it.

    Help me Obi Wonkettoby, you’re my only hope!

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    yikes, no storm like a desert storm.

    Also, “nightmare at 20,000 feet” is on!

    • Anna Rompage

      “Nightmare at 20,000 feet”

      Is that the one where a ghoulish Trump is ripping apart the wing of a flying airplane, as a man sits there terrified watching the whole thing go down?

  • Joe Beese
    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Well, he’s getting closer in terms of someone who might have marginal qualifications…

    • TJ Barke

      Drainin that swamp.

    • Msgr_MΩment
      • Three Finger Salute

        At least he didn’t nominate Sergeant Slaughter.

  • Anna Rompage

    I’m in a predicament and can’t decide what to make for dinner tonight…

    I have a fair amount of kalua pork left over from Sunday night’s dinner party..

    I’ve been eating it the last couple days mixed up in a little white rice, some fresh braised cabbage, and a tangy pineapple hot sauce, but am craving something different, but have a bit of a mental block too…

    Any thoughts or ideas?

    I was thinking tacos, as they’re easy, but want something with a little more veg…

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Maybe you could do something taco-like, but make roll-ups with lots of lettuce along with he salsa and other Tex-mex fixin’s.

      • Anna Rompage

        That sounds good!

        • Martini Ambassador 🍸

          Leftover repurposing is my core competency.

          • Anna Rompage

            I would say so!

            I’m usually pretty good with it myself, but am not feeling like I’m on the ball today…

            Personally I’d love to go home to my imaginary pool, and have a pool boy or girl feed me cocktails, and something light and fresh for dinner…

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      ^^ Total Bear Porn, NSFW (Not Safe For the Woods)…

      • Lambsendbeds

        I read about your cousin nomming on that camper’s head last week. Did he really allow the camper to fight him off, or did the taste of Head’n’Shoulders put him off his meal?

    • clubseal

      Do a pork and pineapple pizza with Polynesian sauce. h/t to Round Table Pizza’s new menu item

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Put it all in an omelette. Serious yo. Saturday night’s leftovers have turned into some delicious Sunday morning breakfasts.

    • Red Bird

      Make a sandwich.

  • Roni Raven, Undercovfefe Agent
  • Joe Beese

    Collins said she was not invited to the meeting and wouldn’t be attending.

    “I guess it’s open invitation but I didn’t know that until it was brought up at the White House. I’m unfortunately committed to something else,” she said.

    She’s been meaning to alphabetize her spice rack for ever and a day and it just can’t wait any longer.

  • Joe Beese
    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      sadly no – it means he’s got good shit to say.

      Curious if they’ll be “testifying” under oath.

      • suziq

        Does it though, or is it just that he gets special privileges because of daddy-in-law? If he does have good shit, will he get a deal in exchange for throwing Jr under a bus?

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          by good, i mean, good enough for the opposition that we won’t testify under oath.

          Or maybe your thing too.
          ; )

  • Joe Beese

    PPP:

    Trump loses by wide margins in hypothetical matches against Joe Biden (54/39) or Bernie Sanders (52/39) for reelection. Trump loses 12-13% of the folks who voted for him last fall to either Biden or Sanders. Trump also trails in hypothetical contests against Elizabeth Warren (49/42), Cory Booker (45/40), and Kamala Harris (41/40).

    http://www.publicpolicypolling.com/pdf/2017/PPP_Release_National_71817.pdf

    • Walter Wellstone

      FAKE NEWS!!!!111!!1!1!111!!!!

    • jesterpunk

      I saw one poll a while ago that said Trump would lose to TBD in an election too.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        i thought he polled below anal warts…

        • jesterpunk

          Wasn’t that congress?

        • Lambsendbeds

          Anal warts libelz!

      • Alex Grey

        This seems appropriate about now.
        https://youtu.be/jt2gPAnR8A8

    • Crystalclear12

      How does he match up against a yellow dog?

      • Joe Beese

        YELLOW DOG 2020

    • Doug Langley

      Does that take Russian hacking into account?

  • jaspersdad

    Deedra Abboud is a Muslim woman running for Senate in Arizona against Jeff Flake. She has been subjected to online racism, sexism and worse. So much so that Flake even tweeted his support for her.

    http://www.azcentral.com/story/opinion/op-ed/laurieroberts/2017/07/18/senate-candidate-under-attack-being-muslim/489859001/

    • Three Finger Salute

      Why anyone wants to get involved in politics and face that kind of abuse is beyond me. She’s either got nerves of steel or a solid support system, or both. Props to her and, wow, for once I even have to give some kudos to a flake like Flake for taking the higher ground.

      • jaspersdad

        There always has to be someone to take that first step. Canada didn’t get 2 Sikh Cabinet Ministers with them being the first to enter politics.

  • Jennifer R

    Dirty secret time: I think a whispered sibilant S is kind of a turn on.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      i have a thing about going with a woman to shop for household goods…seriously.

      A girl (who was cheating on her bf with me) heard that and even set up a sexy trip to wal-mart once, but then her roommate insisted on coming.

      • Mr. Blobfish

        Do tell. What did you buy?

        • Suttree

          A dozen wooden spoons?

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          the most boring stuff – cleaning supplies, etc.

          • Suttree

            So that’s the excuse for the rubber gloves?

          • Jennifer R

            Hats off for that one.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            well, one of them.

      • Suttree

        I have a thing about a woman who is technically proficient in the skill of smashing and chopping garlic. Really!

        • Jennifer R

          Alton and or Mario taught me to smash it with the flat of a chef’s knife and the heel of my palm.

          • Suttree

            Exactly! But you have to really quickly mince it afterwards.

          • Jennifer R

            That’s a job for either the mincer or the edge of the chef’s knife.

          • Suttree

            I just smash and then mince with an 8″ chef’s knife. I can break a head down rather fine, in 2 minutes.

          • Jennifer R

            I don’t have such great muscle control for fast fine movements, so the mincer is my preference.

          • Suttree

            I have had slips before. I drank most of the wine for the beouf bourguignon. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/3096151e8341cc75227ba8f497f9bb7243e80f96f8b58d0fa27d20fce9e8b17a.jpg

          • Jennifer R

            This is some sort of dyskinesia I think.

          • Suttree

            I dated a woman for about 6 years that seemed to have dyskinesia from her medications. She was a bartender. There was an outlet right above the sinks, where she charged her phone. Every other month she would spaz and drop it in the sink. It would come and go over the years as she changed meds, but she was kinda always spastic.

          • Alex Grey

            As much as they are frowned upon, the end product is more uniform.

        • Alex Grey

          20-30 seconds in the microwave, and the peels come right off, no need to smash.

          • Suttree

            I like smashing!

          • Alex Grey

            Wait, you aren’t secretly the president are you?

          • Suttree

            Nope. I like strong women. Who’s boobs bounce when they smash garlic.

          • I don’t get how this wasn’t posted already, but…

            https://ci.memecdn.com/3231484.jpg

          • Jennifer R

            I need to smash them to fit them in the masher after.

      • Jonny On Maui

        First? The roommate couldn’t wait her turn?

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        *sigh* Nobody ever wants to get naked and crazy with their picture framer…

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Sibilant S Stirs Serious Sexual Sensations?

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        alliteration appears alluring at all ages

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Why is everyone speaking parseltongue?

    • Joe Beese

      I’m snobbish about street addresses that have more than 3 digits.

    • TJ Barke

      You one of those people that goes nuts for ADMR or whatever it’s called?

      • Jennifer R

        ASMR, and yeah I do. Find a pleasant voice that is talking about woo, or back massage, or something and let it play it the background. Don’t have to listen in detail because it’s not important but the sort of people who make those videos tend to be quiet and cheerful, and a quiet cheerful voice is way different from most of the disembodied voices in my head.

    • shivaskeeper

      You would have loved my place when I was breeding snakes. Sibilant S’s all over the place.

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    predicated on President ThinSkinned McWeakSad’s unfounded, ego-stroking belief that he not only won the Electoral College by HISTORIC(ally tiny) MARGINS, but that he also would have won the popular vote if Hillary Clinton hadn’t bussed in millions of illegal voters from Guadalajara.

    He doesn’t believe that. Not at all. These are lies. Not dreams, not delusions.

  • memzilla Ω

    BREAKING: US Strategic Popcorn Reserve Dangerously Low
    . https://twitter.com/frankthorp/status/887793806774587392

    • CripesAmighty

      Eh, don’t get too excited. Anything said will have been subject to expensive lawyer pre-inspection and approval. Homogenized and pasteurized.

      • memzilla Ω

        You think Donnie Joonyur can stick to a script? Come for the flop sweat, stay for the tortured evasions!

        • Glistening Fishlifters

          He couldn’t keep that email thread in his pants for more than two days, hopefully he’ll fuck up badly again.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        “i don’t recall”

        Over and over and over again.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        But remember, they’re not very good lawyers.

        • Crystalclear12

          And they don’t have good clients either.

    • Anna Rompage

      All Elijah needs to imply is that Donad Jr was the least liked one out of the kids…

  • La forza del resistino

    Donnie ‘Two Scoops’ Trump invites reluctant trumpcare vote, Nevada’s Heller over for lunch and opens with ‘you want to remain a senator, shame if something happens with that?’

  • Sedagive ’em Hell

    Nicetime/not-so-nicetime:

    Indivisible groups are still meeting. It’s all-hands-on-deck with various committees: voting rights, healthcare, immigration – everything is under attack.

    My committee is environment and climate change. A few months ago we decided that there’s really very little that can be accomplished through direct action, since so much of the damage is being done via EO and intra-agency.

    After talking to folks with state and federal level EPA and NOAA, the purges have already caused real damage, and those still left doing good work are just waiting for the axe to fall.

    The one thing we can do is to help archive data. Folks on the ground, the ones with technical know-how, are making that happen. It’s messy, and sometimes dangerously disorganized, but it’s an ongoing effort (I wish I could be of help, but I have a hard enough time figuring out my iPhone).

    Uplifting and devastating in equal measure; failure is not an option.

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    Also, thank you for the Ani Difranco.

  • Komsumverweigerer Ron

    The housemate wonders if Russia would trade Donnie for a third or fourth-round draft pick. I figured they wouldn’t go over fifth.

    • Suttree

      They could probably only trade him as a mascot to the Ashgabat, Turkmenistan Asslickers.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      They got fifth with Donnie.

      • Paul

        I could use a fifth of single malt about now.

        • Beanz&Berryz

          Most any good whiskey or whisky would do

  • Suttree

    And I knew that Evan wrote it, when I read cattywampus.

  • jaspersdad

    After nearly 2 years of derision by Reformacons in Canada, Andrew Scheer is expected to announce a gender balanced House leadership team. Fucking hypocrites.

    http://www.cbc.ca/news/politics/andrew-scheer-house-leadership-team-1.4212458

    • sw19covfefe

      So, there’s a least a sliver of daylight between the two?
      https://twitter.com/RobSilver/status/887337877947994112

      • jaspersdad

        The only difference I see is Scheer is a slightly more polished turd than Leitch.

        • Three Finger Salute

          St Pierre Almighty, please don’t let this smug prick and his uncouth band of Harpies turf the Liberals. Nice mouth on Drona making her resignation speech at the Crapper leadership event all about how she “kicked Justin in the balls.” That’s not even the half of it, though. The real problem is the elephant in the room. The prospect of a Trump/Scheer unholy alliance on everything from NAFTA to, of course, immigration and “terrorism,” should be terrifying to all. They’d turn all of Nova Scotia into one giant Alcatraz Gitmo for “illegals” and “Islamists” if they got the chance.

          And how about that Comment Board Cancer spreading the idiotic meme that Justin fired Gerry Butts to make Khadr his right-hand man! The trolls don’t seem to care that Scheer’s puppeteer is one of Ezra Levant’s lackeys at Deplorebel Media, eh?

    • From what bench?

      • jaspersdad

        I could see Cheryl Gallant being on the team. The MP from Pembroke will fit right in.

        She’s a religious fanatic, and a brutish anti-gay and anti-Muslim bigot. She told wounded soldiers suffering from PTSD that any stigma was in their heads. She has compared abortion to a terrorist beheading.

        She has heaped scorn on Atlantic Canadians who earn their living on the sea, for depending on the Coast Guard to rescue them. She calls environmentalists plant eaters, regularly compares the Liberals to the Nazis.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Oh, give me a break. Playground neener-neener-neener copycat business so he can say “see, I’m just like Justin! I can play with the girls too!”

      Does this fuck have a punchable face or what?

      https://i.cbc.ca/1.4212533.1500485916!/cpImage/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/16x9_620/scheer-khadr-20170714.jpg

      Wait a minute… There’s something in the water up there in Alberta…

      https://southpawbeagle.files.wordpress.com/2013/02/ted-cruz-ap.jpg

      • jaspersdad

        Scheer is from Sasaskabush. But the point stands.

  • DrBigHead

    Rep. Cummings is nearly enough to make me want to move to Georgia so I could vote for him.

    But if these ignorant assholes on the voter suppression commission are right, I should be able to do that without moving. Doubt that would work out too well, though

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Cummings is a congressman from Maryland. John Lewis is in Georgia.

      • DrBigHead

        Oops. Now that is embarrassing`.

        • Ω cynmac will never surrender

          That is okay. You are among friends here. We’ve all made mistakes.

          • Major_Major_Major

            Nader or Stein?

          • Jonny On Maui

            Anderson…

          • La forza del resistino

            Bush? I pressed the wrong button.

        • sw19covfefe

          To be fair, you’ve seen one old, bald-headed, black congressman, you’ve seen them all!
          https://twitter.com/RepCummings/status/410047083987476480

        • No worries, you can’t go wrong with either of these legislative badasses.

  • Beanz&Berryz

    I want the fuck Kobach at hearings in front of Cummings. And Franken. And Warren.

    • La forza del resistino

      Issa is on the sidelines shaking head and saying to anyone who listens to him anymore, you don’t want to get Elijah woked.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Yamamoto’ sleeping giant realization.

  • Joe Beese
  • Moebym Reborn

    My uncle and his wife, along with my cousin and her family, are coming in about 20 minutes.

    I am mortified.

    • Jonny On Maui

      Good luck!

    • Bill D. Burger
    • Anna Rompage

      Have a glass of wine if you do such things, and it’ll all be good… Otherwise, breath through you nose, focusing on your breath, while picturing the most beautiful & tranquil place you can imagine, such as a land where Obama was able to serve a 3rd term…

      • Moebym Reborn

        It’ll be hard to do with my uncle’s wife around. She likes to talk…loudly.

    • La forza del resistino

      Queue up the Chevy Chase Natl Lampoon Christmas flick

    • SisterArtemis
  • andyshelt

    “This is our watch.”

    Guess who else needed a watch to guard against evil forces.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/df2ca1ead2ad7378cba86835ce30d01bf63b4c5a57dd1d1d5eeb8a0a0770d08b.jpg

    • II Gosala

      Zoroaster?

    • Jonny On Maui
    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Ankh-Morpork?

      • andyshelt

        Hopefully Mueller will play Captain Vimes but Trump is far too stupid to be the Patrician.

        • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

          I see Mueller more as Old Stoneface and Donnie as a Lorenzo the Kind.

    • Paperless Tiger

      Rembrandt?

  • La forza del resistino

    As we wonder what Donald and Vlad chitchatted totally non-policy about for an hour after dinner. Question is, do 60 mins of Clinton and Obama jokes work when they go through a translator?

    • Gigglesnort

      I think it was more like this:

      “Oh Vlad, how long before we can run away to your dacha and make sweet treason together? And tell me again how you beat up that journalist. It makes me all tingly just thinking about it.”

  • marxalot

    So Fump literally just hung Heller’s job in front of him.
    Funny thing is?
    The answer to “he wants to still be a senator, right?” is “no he’d like to go home and be governor, but Adam Laxalt has got a lock on the nomination.”
    Funny that no one has offered to drop Laxalt in order to get Heller’s vote.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      The power of pursuasive reasoning.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Problem is the hard-core crazies here love Laxalt because of all his posturing about “sanctuary cities” and “repeal the ACA”. And the older guard have fond memories of his grandpa.
      So even if they could promise it, I don’t think the state GOP would go along.

      • marxalot

        And Sandoval sure as shootin’ ain’t gonna ease Heller’s mind any by dropping Laxalt, because he’s the one keeping Dean’s arm behind his back with the whole “don’t you fucking dare bankrupt the state and screw up the Medicare expansion” thing.

    • Alex Grey

      President dealmaker sure is subtle.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    For no reason, except I saw somebody repost it today:
    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=T9_lfax2jOM

  • Shanzgood

    Gah! Just got follow up email in response to my follow up email after 2nd interview. They will be making their decision this week.

    When I saw the alert, though, I was afraid it was another “thanks but no thanks” notice.

    Whew!

    • Anna Rompage

      Fingers crossed!

    • OutOfOrbit

      “–this week.” The waiting game again. I donut like people who leave peeps, who are under their power, twisting in the breeze like this. Not nice but, it is common these days.

      • Shanzgood

        There are a bunch of people involved so I get it that they’re taking time to coordinate their joint effort so they make the right choice, collectively.

    • Suttree

      Yay! Good luck Shan!

      • Shanzgood

        Thanks!

        • Suttree

          I am hopefully coming right up behind you in job searching. My physical therapist says that I have finally reached a point where I have none of the standard triggers for (sorry can’t remember the term) really bad ouchie. I am about to start seriously job hunting.

          • Shanzgood

            Yay, good luck!

  • ⭐️Most Accurate Poster 2017⭐️
    • Joe Beese

      The smiling avatar is nice attention to detail.

      • ⭐️Most Accurate Poster 2017⭐️

        That account really is heart-breaking to read.

  • hudson srinivasan

    the only thing that needs to be repealed and replaced is the GoP attitude to public health in particular, and public good, in general.

    as far as Obamacare is concerned, they need to chant the extend and enhance mantra until they internalize the concept of betterment of the people.

    • TJ Barke

      Corporations are people, my friend!

      • hudson srinivasan

        #$@#$

      • Boojum

        And they don’t need doctors!

      • Alex Grey

        Is it sad that I initially read that as “Corruptions are people”?

  • Bill D. Burger
    • TJ Barke

      That isn’t serious is it?

      • Bill D. Burger

        No! Whitehouse.org is a satire site and this is from their YouTube channel.
        It is getting harder, by the minute, to tell the difference.

        • Jennifer R

          Remember when whitehouse dot com was a porn site?

          • Three Finger Salute

            I thought that was just the Starr Report. /s

          • Jennifer R

            Porn revolutionized the internet in many ways. Including domain squatting. A porn site bought it like a billion years ago before the government thought it would need to worry about public facing internet sites.

    • Boojum

      For all values of “people” defined as Trump’s sock puppet.

    • hudson srinivasan

      you know what, this thing has to be taken down from the inside. southerners grounded to reality is what it will take to finally undo this self-destruction. no amount amount of yankee ridicule is gonna it done.

      • bupkus231

        “..southerners grounded to reality…”

        Just the idea that you think this could be a thing shows that you have limited grasp of reality.

        And, yes, I know there are many people living in the south who are truly woke and realistic, and such – but I’m betting that most of those people rarely identify themselves as “southerners”….

        The longer I’m living here, the more I actively consider my neighbors to be cretinous assholes.

        • MeeMaw told us:

          A Yankee is someone from The North.

          A Damn Yankee is someone from The North who comes down and stays here.

          • Three Finger Salute

            And a snowbird is a Canadian who retires to Florida so as not to have to pay taxes back home. But still leech off Medicare?

        • hudson srinivasan

          I’ve spent close to a decade in the bible belt myself, as an accented foreigner. conversion efforts, phone threats, fear inducing physical intimidation we have faced.

          imvho, its been a toss up. for every scary giuy, there have been others who who have guarded us. there have been been as many open and forward looking folks as their have been closed regressive people we have encountered.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Donald has been giving it to us since Day One.

  • My entertainment system is hooked up and working! I am celebrating with some Luc Besson, in the form of The Extrairdinary Advendtures of Adele Blanc-Sec

    • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

      Priorities man!

  • Jennifer R

    Here is a pro tweet, by a pro tweeter. You should follow her.
    https://twitter.com/AliceAvizandum/status/814402877343039488

    • tomamitai

      How many parsecs did it take her to think up that one?

  • jesterpunk

    Looks like Abbott has a challenger for his position. Anyone in Texas know if he has a shot?

    http://www.nbcnews.com/feature/nbc-out/owner-dallas-gay-leather-bar-enters-texas-governor-s-race-n784581

    Texas Governor Greg Abbott announced his bid for reelection Friday in San Antonio. But he wasn’t alone: Also on Friday, wealthy Dallas businessman Jeffrey Payne — who owns the city’s popular gay leather bar, The Eagle — filed as a Democratic candidate for the governor’s race.

    Payne, who won the title of International Mr. Leather in 2009, plans to lend $2.5 million of his own money to his gubernatorial campaign.

    The announcement was timed just a few days before the start of a special legislative session on Tuesday that Abbott called partially in attempt to pass a “bathroom bill” that would require transgender people to use restrooms matching the sex listed on their birth certificates.

    • Anna Rompage

      A leather daddy, probably has the same chance of winning as Bucket Head did against Theresa May…

      • jesterpunk

        But a rich small business owner.

        • Anna Rompage

          Mayor of Dallas, or Austin, maybe, Gov of Texass, no way…

          • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

            But just think of the humor potential.

          • tomamitai

            That’s what they said about Trump!

      • CripesAmighty

        That’s LORD Bucket Head. Where are your manners?

    • OutOfOrbit

      A Payne win would be sweet indeed.

    • Walter Wellstone

      Panika and Space Tacos can tell us more about him. I have never heard of the guy but anyone running against Abbott has my vote.

    • tomamitai

      a “bathroom bill” that would require transgender people to use restrooms matching the sex listed on their birth certificates

      How in the wide world of sports are they going to enforce THAT? Are they going to hire thousands of Bathroom Safety Agents to check everybody’s papers before they go potty?

      • jesterpunk

        I hear Hastert is looking for a job.

  • jesterpunk

    Floridaman, Floridaman does whatever a Floridaman does.

    http://www.miamiherald.com/news/local/crime/article162323298.html

    When a Florida man’s cocaine disappeared from his car, he made a phone call.

    To police.

    Soon after reporting the theft, David Blackmon was arrested.

    Blackmon, 35, of Fort Walton Beach, called deputies Sunday morning to report that someone had stolen a bag of cocaine and some cash from his car, according to a statement from the Okaloosa County Sheriff’s office. He told a deputy who responded that he was a drug dealer and that someone had broken into his vehicle while it was parked, taking about $50 and a quarter ounce of cocaine.

    • Suttree

      I have never been that high in my life.

    • La forza del resistino

      An obvs Mr. Rogers acolyte – Look for the Helpers

    • Msgr_MΩment

      “I’m not just a customer, but the owner!”

    • Alex Grey

      Must have been dealing the good shit.

    • bobbert

      I was stationed at Eglin for a year back when the earth was cooling.

      Sounds like FWB hasn’t changed much.

  • Picabo

    I grew up in Cincinnati. Ken Blackwell is an ***** ***.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      But is he also a ********* *****?

      • gallbladder

        The biglyest ********* ***** of them all.

    • Suttree

      I still eat Cincinnati style chili. I also still have a hard time spelling Cincinnati though.

      • Picabo

        Skyline or Camp Washington Chili?

        • Suttree

          I have yet to make Skyline style or go there. I lived there when I was very young, and it was just a family thing growing up to put chili on pasta. I don’t know how much I would even like Skyline, I am not a cinnamon fan. :)

          • Jennifer R

            My big problem with Skyline is that they serve some kinda condiment and call it chili. It’s thin and kinda bland (with a hint of burned cinnamon) and watery. Plus it’s served over pasta what the shit.

          • Suttree

            I like MY chili on pasta. It really extends it when you’re broke, but I also find it tasty.

          • TundraGrifter

            I prefer Frito corn chips if I want to serve it on something.

            Granted, rice is a bit more traditional.

          • Suttree

            I also like it on rice. It was funny living down south. Apparently no one had ever heard of putting chili on rice. Weirdos!

          • Jennifer R

            I was raised in the south so I got opinions on chili. Usually the cheapest cut of meat and a lot of beans thickens and fills it out, and if you need it hardier serve it with rice mixed in too. But at all times you can eat it with a fork.

          • Suttree

            I have still never made chili (or eaten it for that matter) with anything but ground meat. I’m sure that I am missing out on something. The idea of chili white actual cuts of beef and no beans is very strange to me. I just need to have someone make it for me once!

          • tomamitai

            I’d like to try it with shredded beef, but the places around here only have it ground.

          • tomamitai

            Try it Chicago style, Daddio: https://youtu.be/57dvYr567Cc

      • Ωbjectifier
  • Bill D. Burger

    Good Godly Christians who oppose euthanasia and assisted suicide but support Trumpcare. Obviously, if you are going to die, it should be the Republicans’ decision to kill you___ you can’t make such a decision for yourself.

    https://twitter.com/FRCdc/status/887756448071114752

    • Beanz&Berryz

      It’s Godly if you die or suffer from something preventable, but God chooses to let you die or suffer.

    • TJ Barke

      You are free to do what my sky daddy tells you.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Calvinist sadism. They’re “saving you,” because they have this ridiculous belief that the more you suffer in this world, the greater your reward in heaven.

      The more I see of these people, the more it makes me wish there were fentanyl dealers in the fucking yellow pages.

      • Jennifer R

        Calvinists are the ones who believe in predestination deciding if you are saved or not.

        • Three Finger Salute

          Hobbesians, maybe? They want to make sure that life is as nasty and brutish as a tiger attack?

          • Jennifer R

            I was thinking generic Protestant, maybe southern baptist?

  • You know I love you all – yes I do – but….can you tell your supreme lardarse to build a wall all round for a year maybe 2? You are distracting me from stuff in the rest of the world and I know you will be ok. I trust most of you….And not fox euro cos i get early NCIS and I did say lurve ya,,,

    Also Maybot is (my keyboard stops me here).

  • Bill D. Burger
    • gallbladder

      That’s about the fucking size of it.

    • clubseal

      I figured their advice would instead be “Well if your brakes are bad, don’t drive near any cliffs.”

      • Rags

        “You made bad choices by using the brakes in your car.”

        • Alex Grey

          “You should have inherited a better car.”

          • SpideySenser

            Or borrowed 10 mil from your parents to invest in Cadillac or Lexus

        • TundraGrifter

          Instead of putting a heavy chain through a boulder and just heaving it out the driver’s side window when you need to slow down. Don’t forget to tie the other end of the chain to something solid!

    • Michael R

      I would like to see Trump , McConnell and Ryan
      look at this in front of a large crowd

    • Canis Greyhame

      Also, we noticed a little fluid leaking out around the main cylinder, so we just went ahead and completely cut all the brake lines while we had it in the shop. You’re welcome!

      • TundraGrifter

        Look at all the money you will save! You’ll never have to pay for brake fluid again!

    • The funny picture forgot: $MONEY$ for Billionaires!

    • jaspersdad

      Reminds me of the time I took my truck into a chain tire shop to get my tires replaced. 30 minutes after I dropped it off they called telling my that my brakes and rotors were shot and I was looking at thousands of dollars in repairs. Of course they didn’t know I’d just had my brakes done a couple of weeks prior.

    • Suttree

      You lowlifes deserve to be riding on steel while us congress critters get ceramic Brembos!

  • MY THEORY: PLEASE PEPPER AND SALT WITH MARTIANS AND BIGFOOTS AS YOU LIKE

    The now infamous ‘Russian Totes INNOCENT Orphan Babbies Meeting’ was a set up on Don Junior by Manafort and Jared, who both I’m guessing hate his stinking sparrow-fart guts to pieces.

    Of course with the development of Don Junior AND Manafort having to stand up in front of the whole class and confess their sins while Jared gets to do his behind SECRET DOORS makes me wonder if Jared is out to get both of the mutherfuckers.

    • Paperless Tiger

      They do whatever the Donald tells them to, except when he tells them to shut up.

    • OutOfOrbit

      Not enff smarts to think like that.

      • Well, there’s THAT . . .

        • OutOfOrbit

          Some one else (Bannon?) could orchestrate it, but way back a year ago?… The mind boggles. Had to be Pootun’s game.

    • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

      I posit (and hope) that Jared is speaking being closed doors is because he’s trying to save his own ass, and is already whispering in Mueller’s ear. That’s why Mueller wants it closed, so as not to taint any jury pools.

      • Sheepshagger

        Life boats fill up fast. Gots to keep a meat cleaver handy for when the takers try and get their hands on the rail.

        • Great Scenes from Movie Classics: TITANIC

          ROSE: Oh, Jack. I surely do wish there was enough room here on this big floaty thing for you. But as you can see…
          (ROSE suddenly shoves JACK off debris into the freezing water. JACK sinks to the depths)
          ROSE: I’ll always remember you, Jeff!

          • puredog

            PETULIA LIBELZ!!!!!!!

        • TundraGrifter

          Grab a belaying pin from the taffrail as you go over the side and be ready to repel boarders.

    • La forza del resistino

      Somehow the NYT got Jr’s Goldstone email that they threatened to dump. There were 2 cc: recipients.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      You could make a pretty good circumstantial case that Jared made Bridgegate happen to fuck Christie, in much the same way as his father destroyed Jim McGreevey. And his father in law’s base kind of hates him, so he needs his father in law’s favor pretty badly. So, hell yes, I think Jared is fighting his corner. Why muscle yourself to the front of one deranged plutocrat’s will if you can muscle yourself to the front of two?

  • Michael R
  • Bill D. Burger
    • gallbladder

      This is fine.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Goddamnit’…..The public should know what Trump’s have done and are doing to screw the American People for Putin and Russia.

    https://twitter.com/PeterAlexander/status/887797928269680648

    • Joe Beese

      I would prefer to see that lickspittle in the glare of open session too. But he’s not going to say anything useful regardless of venue. The most we could have hoped for was watching him repeatedly plead the Fifth.

    • Suttree

      The glare of daylight shall not see the holy of holies..

    • Carpe Vagenda

      This is a new low for Abbe Lowell, which is saying something.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Preview of Diaper Don Jr. testifying next week:

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DFIWwWjXgAEwkeJ.jpg

  • Bill D. Burger

    Hillz’ is preparing to watch the 3 stooges (Manafort, Kush and Diaper Don) testify next week:

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DFIc8rvUMAAovmG.jpg

    • BJW

      Gonna need a bigger bowl. And TONS of popcorn!

  • Me not sure

    The new CBO score shows the new, new, new Republican health plan will eventually knock off 32 million from health care and double premiums by 2026. This I what happens when you put a pack of dummies in a pitch black closet nothing but their wits, a cigarette lighter, and an open can of gasoline. The tea partiers will love it.

    • gallbladder

      Emphasis on “knock off.”

      • Me not sure

        In that pro-lifey kinda’ way that they have.

      • tomamitai

        If it’s knock offs you want, give the job to Ivanka!

    • Three Finger Salute
  • TundraGrifter

    Yesterday on the car radio I heard a good deal of Dr. Cornell West’s 1995 lecture (I could say “speech” – I don’t mean to be pejorative – or “presentation” but that sounds kind of wussy – and he is a Professor so I’m sticking with “lecture”) titled “The Radical Democratic Tradition.”

    I was blown away. I won’t say it is as relevant today as it was some 20 years ago. It is much more relevant. Transcripts and copies on CD are readily available and I can’t recommend this too highly. Absolute first-rate!

    • Joe Beese

      Cornel West: Why I Endorse Green Party’s Jill Stein Over “Neoliberal Disaster” Hillary Clinton

      https://www.democracynow.org/2016/7/18/why_a_member_of_the_democratic

      I like Cornel West.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        I like Cornell West, also too. Which is why I’m walking away from this link. Because I would prefer to continue liking him.

        • TundraGrifter

          Nobody’s perfect. If you haven’t heard “The Radical Democratic Tradition” check it out!

      • tomamitai

        It’s because of idealists that we hope for more than we have and have less than we could.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Could you maybe explicate? Because tbh I think he’s done this country a signal disservice these past years, and I’m interested in how what he had to say a decade ago relates to the current situation.

      • TundraGrifter

        I can’t do justice to Dr. West’s extraordinary lecture in such a short space. He defines the differences between optimism without a foundation and hope. And hope is absolutely essential.

        He clearly defines the goals of the radical Democratic tradition. And he outlines how we can work to achieve them.

        In “Master and Commander” they show “HOLD FAST” tattooed across the left- and right-hand knuckles of a foremast hand. I think today we need to tattoo that across our hearts.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          But, while I’m glad he had that impact on you, he was a leading figure in the pyrrhic fight to defeat Clinton from the left, and arguably made a good faith effort to elect Trump. So I kind of want to hear how his view has changed so drastically.

    • AppleJackie

      Sigh. A broken clock is right twice a day.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Love Schumer title for the new move of the Trumpets and GOPukes: “Repeal and Run”

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DFISRDQW0AAOeZx.jpg

  • Bill D. Burger
  • La forza del resistino

    Junior’s lawyer finds he has to spend the w/e doing witness prep and wonders why didn’t I go to med school instead.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      It’ll take more than a weekend. Jr’s as dumb as a box of rocks.

  • Joe Beese

    Probably just a coincidence.

    Financial records filed last year in the secretive tax haven of Cyprus, where Paul J. Manafort kept bank accounts during his years working in Ukraine and investing with a Russian oligarch, indicate that he had been in debt to pro-Russia interests by as much as $17 million before he joined Donald J. Trump’s presidential campaign in March 2016.

    https://www.nytimes.com/2017/07/19/us/politics/paul-manafort-russia-trump.html?smid=tw-share

    • ariel_gee_398

      Erm, didn’t he get a mysterious $17 million payment from Putin’s party in the Ukraine last year, which happened to be more than their entire operating budget?

      • yyyaz

        That’s what Rachel said last night. He apparently got two payments in two different years both of which exceeded the party’s total claimed budget.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Oh my…

  • Bill D. Burger

    CBO on repeal-only

    2018: 17 million more would be uninsured than ACA

    2020: 27 million more

    2026: 32 million more

    Premiums would double

    • Joe Beese

      The rising numbers would level off as an increasing number of people died.

      • YoBunnyBunny

        Well, the global warming hoax will probably kill off humanity by then anyway.

        • La forza del resistino

          It’s a patient centered plan. Stay in the middle of your life raft to avoid capsizing.

      • Bill D. Burger

        GOP strategery’___ (͠≖ ͜ʖ͠≖)👌

    • DrBigHead

      Looks like they are on a roll

    • tomamitai

      That’s just the invisible hand of the market at work, letting the poor and vulnerable know what republicans really think of them; https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/d24d3b05d170b323bb2b6e99c508551aea7128a172ce1c82a7d506e55f857b0a.gif

      • Alex Grey

        Wait why can I see it?

  • TundraGrifter

    As of this afternoon, isn’t the CBO score 4-Zip against the Trump Administration? I’m losing track here.

    • Baconzgood

      It’s a shut out. Like the CBO is Martin Brodeur.

  • YoBunnyBunny

    Elijah’s my Representative now.

    *beams with pride*

  • Joe Beese

    President Trump has put an end to a covert CIA program that armed and trained rebel fighters in Syria, the Washington Post reports. The death of the program, which began in 2013, is seen both as an acknowledgement that Assad is unlikely to be removed from power and an indication of Trump’s willingness to work with Russia in Syria. …

    One anonymous official currently working in the government panned the decisions, telling the Post that “Putin won in Syria.”

    http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2017/07/trump-ends-cia-support-for-anti-assad-rebels-in-syria.html

    • hudson srinivasan

      Beese, did you notice something? in which countries was the arab spring at play? libya, tunisia, egypt, syria. where was it not at play? sa, uae,kuwait etc

    • DrBigHead

      In an earlier life I worked on a research project in northeastern Syria. Lived in a Kurdish village for a total of almost 9 months. Worked with, and got to know many of the villagers. Many were extremely historically literate and kept abreast of world affairs as best they could. One question that I was asked repeatedly was why the West had repeatedly sold out the Kurds. It was a very hard conversation to have.

      • hudson srinivasan

        the brits have a lot to do with it. in any case, the turks, Iranians and the iraqis need to figure out their national gestalt before that issue can be solved.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        “How horrible, fantastic, incredible it is that we should be digging trenches and trying on gas-masks here because of a quarrel in a far away country between people of whom we know nothing.”

        — Neville Chamberlain

        Of course, it begs the question of why we know nothing, or even care.

        • DrBigHead

          I am confident that the rural villagers I lived with were better educated in world affairs than the average American College Freshman. For the Syrians, it was not an abstraction. It was their daily life.

          • Covfefe

            You know all his fighting for liberty, that the troops do? It’s for freedom. That includes freedom from the kind of fear that so many others suffer from. It may be frivolous but it’s also the essence of freedom

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        I’ve been wondering that since the 80s. They would seem a natural ally of the West, so why are they treated like they’re of no significance?

        • DrBigHead

          For the US, I suspect our desire to maintain access to the airbase at Incirlik has a lot to do with it.

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      My guess? That was what Pooty ordered him to do at dinner. The timing is WAY too coincidental.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • tomamitai

    Why do these assholes only ever emulate the shitty, hypocritical actions of the Founders, like oppressing women and minorities, while ignoring their noble ideals, like the one about all men being created equal or that governments derive their just powers from the consent of the governed? Have they never heard the saying “do as I say, not as I do”? I’m sure they’ve said it to their own children more than a few times.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Why ask why? Reasons. It’s always reasons.

    • Baconzgood

      They do that with the bible too also. Leviticus is OK but all that crap from Matthew like “If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”

      Is too Jesusy for them.

  • Baconzgood

    Since this is the Open Thread. I actually heard about this band on NPR. Believe that? Most of the bands reviewed on NPR are suck-a-wusses. I recommend checking the song at 2:20 (Bruce Hated Puppies).

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yrHjFykfhFE

    • Baconzgood

      I still can’t believe no one has listened to this band yet. They kick asre and take names. And they just broke their pencil.

      What if I say they are influenced by the Beatles and Bob Dylan and Beyoncé and Jon Tesh (even though they arent)? Would that make you spend 5 minutes listening to it? I bought 3 of their EPs so far. They are my new favorite. Where are the Jesus Lizard/Melvins/Blues Explosion/ Fugazi/ The Cramps fans? I know you’re out there. I can smell you being cool.

      • MizzMazz

        I like em, but I’m concerned about the giant insect on the cover. Is he stealing grain from Ben Carson’s pyramid?

      • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

        AWESOME! Makes me think of McClusky and Future of The Left.

        Oh, now I know why! Andrew Falkous! ONE AND THE SAME

        THANK YOU!!

  • Bill D. Burger

    Trump opened his charm offensive today to woo disgruntled Senators with this opening remark to Senator Heller of NV.

    https://twitter.com/jdawsey1/status/887721432461037569

    Oh, that’ll work.

    • Bananas Foster

      Trump doesn’t seem to realize that US Senators, in general, don’t react to blatant insults and disregard the same way that reality contestants (and Trump offspring) do.

      • Persistent Demme

        So much this!!

    • Msgr_MΩment

      His advisers talked him down from suggesting that Heller stay away from umbrellas.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      And of course they’re trying to spin it as “HE WAS JOKING! SEE? HELLER LAUGHED! WHY SO SERIOUS?”
      Heller laughed because he didn’t want to be the target of another vicious barrage. He knows Donnie Two Scoops hates his guts, and he knows if he votes for repeal he can start packing for home now and save time.

    • shivaskeeper

      With a 34% approval rating he has no political capitol to threaten with. None of them have to listen to him.

      • Panika MCD

        sure he does. he could stalk the campaign and make it guilt by association!

        • shivaskeeper

          He could. Bit he can’t threaten directly.

    • Yr. Gma

      What an ass.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      “He wants to remain PRESIDENT, doesn’t he.”

      Would have been the best clap back.

    • Persistent Demme

      “Nice job.
      Shame if something were to happen to it.”
      –Thug-in-chief

    • Covfefe

      Guess these politicians aren’t up to dealing with a New York street fighter.

  • Joe Beese

    Or you could just subpoena his ass.

    Donald Trump Jr. and Jared Kushner are scheduled to face lawmakers next week in the highest-stakes hearings yet on Russian interference in the 2016 presidential election. …

    The requests to testify at the July 26 hearing were received on Wednesday, according to a person familiar with the matter, and include a broad request for documents from players such as recent Russian ambassador Sergey Kislyak and former Trump campaign manager Corey Lewandowski. …

    Asked Monday night if Trump Jr. was planning to testify before Congress, his attorney Alan Futerfas told POLITICO: “We’re discussing this with various committees. That’s where I’m going to leave it.”

    http://www.politico.com/story/2017/07/19/senate-judiciary-schedules-hearing-with-trump-jr-manafort-240732

    • puredog

      Oooooo, DJTJ, take the Fifth. You know you want to.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    So Paul Manafort was 17 million in debt to Russian oligarchs before he joined the Trump campaign.

  • Panika MCD

    TX lege update: I got works at 12:01 AM! as in a little under 6 hours!

    the Senate went in for about half an hour to do second readings to the Sunset bill. we found out why they’re only extending the agencies for 2 years rather than updating their statutes and extending them for 6-8 years: Gov. Wheelies didn’t allow for normal Sunset bills that included updated statutes for the agencies in the call. so now Republicans and Democrats have a good reason to hate Gov. Wheels–because you should get your pretext right or you shouldn’t do it at all. but the FREEDUMB CACAS are pleased as punch because they can take them hostage for this purpose next session even though there will be other agencies Sunsetting at that time…they are a very stupid bunch in everyone’s panties.

    the school voucher, bathroom bill and TRAP laws are all getting hearings on Friday. the school vouchers are your run of the camel nose under the tent to larger school vouchernanigans in thw future. the bathroom bill STILL HAS NOT BEEN FILED, but we’ll set a hearing for any and all “privacy” bills that may be filed between now and then so we can avoid suspending 11.19 again as it turns out we may have not really been able to do that in the first place. the TRAP proposals include barring taxpayer money from being used for non-abortion programs at abortion providers or affiliates (so we can kiss our agreement between Travis Co. Central Health and PPGT for cancer and STI screenings as well as family planning and pre-natal health services GOODNIGHT SWEET PRINCESS!), requiring abortion insurance on health plans to be purchased separately (because I guess the TX GOP likes both local control and free market solutions equally–which is not at all, Katie) and duplicating reporting requirements because you can’t count a complication twice for your crusade unless you make two reports for each!

    and we are going back at 12:01 am to pass the Senate Sunset bills…but are prepared for more horse shit.

    in the House they passed one Sunset bill out of committee and Rep. Tony Tinderholt (F – tender butthole) asked if he could at any moment have the chamber locked for a quorum call. this prompted Rep. Harold Dutton (D – JJ&theFamilyIssues) to inquire if those physically present in the room could be counted absent if they simply refused to respond. Speaker Straus said, “that’s a very good idea…er…I mean…that’s a good question! I will get back to.you!”

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      So basically the only way to avoid a complete derpnado in 2018 is to hope the Freedumb kooks all manage to off themselves in mysterious deep-fried turkey accidents?

      • Panika MCD

        no, KeepTXOpen.org could put some money into primary or general opponents to them. also too: the Derp Maker, Michael Quinn Sullivan, got the prohibition on using archived footage of the lege in political commercials overtured in court so I say we should use the footage to kill all his candidates with votes.

        • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

          That works, and has a particularly vicious streak to it.

          • Panika MCD

            he did it to himself.

          • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

            There’s a joke in here about petards and hoisting, but I don’t wanna throw my back out.

          • Panika MCD

            MQS’s nickname is “mucous”–can’t hoist that on a petard.

    • La forza del resistino

      wondered for a while now, but you related to Molly Ivins?

      • Panika MCD

        nope.

        • SisterArtemis

          Come on, humor us :(

          • Panika MCD

            I used to go to Final Fridays when it was at her house and my friend Harold owns the ranch she used to own in Marathon.

    • puredog

      I lived in Travis County for a spell. Now that I think of it, that property would have supported a fine bunker. I’d be building that Accessory Dwelling Unit if I were still there.

      • Panika MCD

        do you have any idea how much Travis Co. land is valued at nowadays?

  • Teecha

    Went for a sing at the jam session tonight. I reckon it’s been a minimum of four years since I did that. However, the band are amazing and we rocked my three numbers. Loved it! The bossa nova ‘perhaps, perhaps, perhaps’ went down a storm.

    • Yr. Gma

      Blame it on the bossa nova.

  • Me not sure

    The genesis of what would become the Republican health care bill:

    At the age of fifteen Paul and Mitch Piranha started attending the Ernest Pythagoras
    Primary School in Clerkenwell. When the Piranhas left school they were called
    up but were found by an Army Board to be too unstable even for National
    Service. Denied the opportunity to use their talents in the service of their
    country, they began to operate what they called ‘The Operation’… They would
    select a victim and then threaten to beat him up if he paid the so-called
    protection money. Four months later they started another operation which the
    called ‘The Other Operation’. In this racket they selected another victim and
    threatened not to beat him up if he didn’t pay them. One month later they hit
    upon ‘The Other Other Operation’. In this the victim was threatened that if he
    didn’t pay them, they would beat him up. This for the Piranha brothers was the
    turning point. They would find these skills useful in the Congress.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/82e0c4b28c6cb48b19fd96127112d69595fd8ff563a757c500aa0f66b21bb223.jpg

  • Joe Beese

    Ann Coulter, July 19, 2017:

    I think I’ve found the core problem with health care in America. And guess what? It involves Delta Airlines!

    It’s Dead Breitbart, so I’m not going to link. But I ask you to take my word for it that I’m not making this up.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Monomania isn’t a good look for her.

    • hudson srinivasan

      i see names and dates, sometimes foolishly i get my hope up.

    • ⭐️Most Accurate Poster 2017⭐️

      Hahaha holy shit. This is a woman who complains about other people being “victims”.

    • Ωbjectifier

      For fuck sake, let it go Ann.

    • Jennifer R

      I am glad this is the hill she dies on.

    • Zombishroom

      When I read about her whole kerfluffle with Delta I thought to myself ‘Ann flies coach, book sales must not be that good.’ I smiled.

      • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

        I know! Her and her $10,000 an hour or whatever she was palavering about–and yet she doesn’t have the $$ to fly business, or even the savvy to use CC’s to build up mileage points? Also someone on Twitter said Delta should run a whole campaign emphasizing that they are the airline that Ann Coulter DOESN’T fly on.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        She claimed to have devoted $10,000 of her valuable time just to book the seat. Sounds like someone with a LOT of idle time on her hands.

        • TundraGrifter

          Or someone who doesn’t know how to use a computer to book an airplane ticket.

          She doesn’t have a dial-up modem. She has a tin can on the end of a piece of string.

          • Suttree

            She had to burn down three homeless encampments to send smoke signals to Delta.

        • Alex Grey

          If her time is so valuable, she should hire a secretary.

          • Doug Langley

            Preferably one who charges $10,000 per hour.

        • Suttree

          As it is always said about art, it is only worth what someone is willing to pay you for it. I don’t give a fuck what you’re charging!

        • Edith Prickly
      • Ducksworthy

        I thought they made her ride in a pet carrier in the cargo hold so she didn’t bother the other passengers.

        • Ωbjectifier

          Use caution when opening the overhead bins. Screeching harpies may have shifted during flight.

    • CripesAmighty

      Can’t wait to see what happens when she tries this shit on Greyhound (which is imminent).

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      It’s official. Her brain is completely broken. Someone tow her away; maybe they can strip her down for parts.

      • Covfefe

        Wouldn’t want to strip her down for anything else.

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    Twilight Zone, Season 5, Episode 5, “the last night of a jockey”

    mickey rooney does some A+ acting…not a single other person in the whole episode, just himself as a voice in his head in an apartment. Well done.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      ooh! episode six has telly savalas!

      • OutOfOrbit

        Who loves yuh, baby?

        • Baconzgood

          Not Talky-Tina, that’s for sure.

          • OutOfOrbit

            She’s a doll but donut cross her.

          • Doug Langley

            Fun fact: Talky Tina’s voice was supplied by the same lady who did Rocky the Squirrel.

          • Joe Beese
          • therblig

            HELLOOOO SQUIRREL!!!

          • Baconzgood

            Strangely enough I knew that. I don’t know why or how but Baconz did know that.

          • therblig

            ms. blig, who goes by “Tina” when we’re visiting her family, hates, Hates, HATES that episode.

          • Baconzgood

            That made me chuckle.

      • YoBunnyBunny

        SQUEEEEEEEE!!!!

      • Jennifer R

        Kojac doesn’t take shit.

      • yyyaz

        Check out Season 2, Episode 7 with Shatner in “Nick of Time.” That was the one that I was telling you about that blew my 6-year-old mind.

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          i saw that one!

    • Baconzgood

      That was a good one. He was a “big man” in that one.

    • Doug Langley

      That’s the thing about Twilight Zone. They didn’t cast just on star power. The actors had to ACT.

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        And a lot of the actors they used were mostly unknown, and went on to bigger things afterwards.

  • Joe Beese
    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      graphs have a well known liberal bias.

      • OutOfOrbit

        Facts + Math = … = … uh. nevuh mind.

      • Suttree

        Fox is doing their best to correct that.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      Feature, not bug???

      • Doug Langley

        If one was paranoid enough, one might think so.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      They’re really swinging for the fences on this one.

    • Three Finger Salute

      The NSGOP can easily skew that graph by delisting certain groups of uninsured from the category, “people.” Watch the line pitch downward as they fudge the numbers to leave African-Americans only 3/5ths uninsured…

    • DainBramage

      Isn’t the highest line on a graph always the good one? #Winning

  • Reximus

    Here’s TrumPEE offering Poots a handy

    https://twitter.com/Scout_Finch/status/887791141839568896

    • Roni Raven, Undercovfefe Agent

      That’s just fucking pathetic.

    • Joe Beese

      Is that a “I’ll give you a blowjob” gesture?

      Cause that’s really what it looks like.

      • SeeTrain65

        “Fist to right cheek, tongue in left. … Yep, that’s it!”

    • Handy my ass. That’s a full blown beej offer.

      …Uh, I didn’t intend to write it QUITE like that, but I’m going to let it stand.

      • Reximus

        I guess Colbert was right – trump is putin’s cock holster.

      • OutOfOrbit

        Go to you room and think about what you just did.

    • DrBigHead

      Please say that was photo shopped. Even HE isn’t that crude and stupid, is he?

      Wait. No need to answer that.

  • Three Finger Salute
  • memzilla Ω

    So here’s a question for the Wonkerado community: if you testify in front of a closed Congressional committee, are you allowed to get a copy of your testimony? Alway yes, always no, or at the committee’s discretion?

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      Is there something you’re trying to tell us?

  • Picabo
    • OrG

      Rummy libelz!

      • Suttree

        McNamara was my first thought, but Mr. east, west, south, north also too.

    • Suttree

      It is gaslighting writ large.

    • hudson srinivasan

      fuck this bucket carrier, the water he carries, and the dude he carries the water for.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Is Donald Trump a Russian stooge? We may never know.

      • OrG

        Um.. I know.

        • Alex Grey

          You hear that? That’s the sound of the Secret Service, coming to get you.

      • hudson srinivasan

        interesting thought. nobody would have thunk it.

  • Jennifer R

    Time is doing that thing again. It was 10am now it’s 5pm what the hell.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      See, I went the other way. Time is moving s….o…..s…..l….o….w…

      • puredog

        And time can do so much.

        • yyyaz

          And then it’s dark forever.

        • Yr. Gma

          Are you still mine?

      • Alex Grey

        I suggest moving away from a gravity well, if you live in the influence of one.

    • Ducksworthy

      Tides go in and tides go out. Nobody can explain it.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        I predict then sun god will be angry soon.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      It depends on how fast you’re going… if you’re going fast enough.

    • TJ Barke

      Getting older sucks mostly because the time goes so fast. As a kid an hour used to seem like eternity, now it is gone in the blink of an eye.

      • Jennifer R

        Time dilates really hard for me sometimes. It’s the crazy I have in my brain I think.

      • Alex Grey

        Well it is a shorter period of time, relative to how long you have been around.

      • Doug Langley

        I have found that watching the kids at summer camp does indeed make time drag by really slowly. I keep thinking “Shouldn’t I be doing something?”

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        We need to get scientists to look into this. Time keeps going faster and gravity keeps getting stronger.

    • MynameisBlarney
    • SeeTrain65

      I hear ya. This morning I was getting ready for school and an hour later I was 35 years older.

    • CindyinEncinitas

      I’m hungry again. That happens, like, every day.

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        How often? For me it happens three, four times, and always around the same time.

        • Covfefe

          I’m like a puppy dog. I’m hungry all the time.

        • CindyinEncinitas

          A few times, I think. I’ve never really paid much attention. Lately, though, it’s this nagging feeling that wakes me up sometimes and then in the middle of the day I get distracted if I smell food. Weird.

  • Three Finger Salute

    NRA = Nationalist Racist Assholes.

    NRA TV hosts warn: “White families” will be “tortured and killed” if Black Lives Matter succeeds

    Well, now it’s official: “A good guy with a gun” is really just a dog whistle for “a white guy with a gun.” Has the NRA been put on the SPLC hate groups list yet?

    • Ducksworthy

      So I shouldn’t join the NRA to honor the memory of Philando Castile?

    • hudson srinivasan
    • TJ Barke

      Those people are fucking lunatics. My dad must be rolling in his grave…

      • Three Finger Salute

        I hope Moses is having a nice warm vacation way down south right now.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      So the South African blacks have been massacring whites???

      Uh huh… common racist trope to insist sans evidence that there’s just rampant violence going against white people that not even white people have noticed. One wingnut insisted to me that Muslims are just wired to be terroristy no matter where they live. So I said, “Like all those Muslim communities in places like Dearborn???” Without skipping a beat, “Yeah, I hear Dearborn is really bad!1!!

      Riiiiiiiiiight… nucking guys.

  • Up In Smoke O’hontas

    So, Bedminster is now an official presidential palace. This will entitle the town to an additional $41 million in grant money for infrastructure. How much are we winning again? I keep losing track.

    • therblig

      Bedminster annual budget:

      township: $10,144,886.51
      school: $17,019,491.52
      county: $ 8,801,709.75
      open space: $ 366,548.00

      Total: $ 36,334,631.78

      sure, the $41M would be for capital projects, so the cost to the town would be spread out over up to 20 years in bonds, but still, that’s a fucking shitload of money for a little town (population 8,165!). scaled up to jersey city, that would be in the neighborhood of $664M.

  • Ducksworthy

    But Elijah, there was that one 87 year old nun in Minnesota who sent in an absentee ballot for her friend who had just died because “that’s what she wanted”. We must spend whatever it takes to stop these people. Russian hacking to voter roles pales in comparison to the renegade nun problem.

    • OrG

      Man in the High Plantation?

    • Dick St. Dipshit

      My God, think what might’ve happened if the Confederacy had won. Why, we might have a Senate and the House of Representatives full of racist assholes and somebody totally insane in the White House.

      • Three Finger Salute

        They did it, didn’t they. The fucking South finally did rise again.

        • Dick St. Dipshit

          Lost the war, won the peace.

        • House0fTheBlueLights

          Watch Ava DuVernay’s 13th. Eye-opening.

    • ltmcdies

      won’t that be more like a documentary since Jan 2017

    • Jennifer R

      To be fair, the fifth book is pretty problematic.

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        True…plus he gets incredibly repetitive by around book five.

    • ltmcdies

      “takes place in an alternate timeline, where the southern states have successfully seceded from the Union, giving rise to a nation in which slavery remains legal and has evolved into a modern institution. The story follows a broad swath of characters on both sides of the Mason-Dixon Demilitarized Zone—freedom fighters, slave hunters, politicians, abolitionists, journalists, the executives of a slave-holding conglomerate and the families of people in their thrall”

      OK…reserving judgement for now

      also of note…the two writers are black…these guys are producing..

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        I would think a modern slaveholding country would be a pariah that would make apartheid-era South Africa look like Canada.

        • Three Finger Salute

          Or, it’d be Saudi Arabia, and everyone would look the other way to suck off the oil pump.

          https://www.counterpunch.org/2017/05/19/slavery-now-migrant-labor-in-the-persian-gulf-and-saudi-arabia/

          And, as far as I’m concerned, the maltreatment of undocumented (mostly) Hispanic laborers in the U.S. might as well count as a modern form of indentured servitude. They weren’t brought here in chains, but came out of desperation — only to find more desperation, racial/ethnic hostility, and the dangling sword of Damocles that is the deportation threat, once they arrived.

          • Komsumverweigerer Ron

            Amazing, innit, how much of the world runs on good old-fashioned human misery…

    • georgiaburning

      The Harry Turtledove or the Kevin Willmott version? Turtledove is really dark

  • Mr. Blobfish

    How much you wanna bet trump couldn’t name a single thing Obamacare does?

    • jesterpunk

      I don’t even think Trump can name a singe thing POTUS is supposed to do.

      • Alex Grey

        Executive orders, um, stuff and um, winning?

        • Kiri the Unicorn

          Golf! Red carpets! Golf! Fancy parties! Golf! Rallies! And golf!

          • Alex Grey

            Tweet barely understandable tweets?

          • jesterpunk
          • SeeTrain65

            The Universal Historic Trump Tweet Theory strikes again!

          • Doug Langley

            And chocolate cake! And ice cream! And cruise missiles killing civilians!!

          • CindyinEncinitas

            You get one scoop! You get one scoop! You get one scoop! Suckers!!!

          • Doug Langley

            “Now the mess boy will dole out the portions. One scoop for Pence. One scoop for Jared. One scoop for Ivanka. Two scoop for me. Now look! The container is still half full! THERE’S A DUPLICATE KEY TO THE KITCHEN!!!!!”

          • Keith Taylor

            But mainly, grab unwilling pussy, charge into teenaged girls’ changing rooms backstage wearing an exceedingly disgusting smirk, and generally be gross above and beyond the call.

          • H0mer0

            that creeps me out beyond belief.

          • Keith Taylor

            Being creeped out by Donald Trump is a sign of basic decency.

        • jesterpunk
      • Dick St. Dipshit

        1. Pardon turkeys at Thanksgiving.
        2. Ask Jared.
        3. ….?

        • CripesAmighty

          4. Profit!

      • Bobathonic

        Whatever Putin needs doing.

    • Alex Grey

      Is “socialism” an acceptable answer?

    • TJ Barke

      He only knows it’s “failing”.

    • Reximus

      It makes Bamz look better than him…all he needs to know

    • OrG

      Gets the tea party’s panties in a wad?

    • biologydave

      If Faux News hates it, that’s enough for him to know.

    • therblig

      it kills white people, especially babies.

    • Picabo

      Asymptotically approaching zero.

  • therblig

    Whoa no, guadalajara won’t do

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sq8OU-7JDFA

  • themidniteskulker

    I actually feel pretty reassured by their stated position that 3 to 5 million people voted fraudulently,nobody told,and they all voted democratic. These guys are just what I thought they were.

    • Elendira

      3 to 5 million people voted illegally voted democratic. They were bussed all around our country so they couldn’t be found out statistically but they also avoided voting in key districts that would have impacted the electoral college. So it begs to question why have this program in the first place?!

      • Keith Taylor

        Crikey, and nobody noticed this happening, and nobody out of all the desperate right-wingers slavering to establish it has been able to do so, or find one shred of real evidence. Those millions of illegal voters were very smoothly organized, all right. It even beats the Roswell flying saucer crash cover-up, which remained absolutely airtight and was forgotten for all of thirty years even by the eyewitnesses, until Stanton Friedman got on the case. Maybe Kris Kobach should ask Friedman for help.

      • Three Finger Salute

        It was actually 6 million who voted for the “liberal cosmopolitan,” which is why Hair Trumpenfuhrer is not sending Jared in to fix it.

    • TundraGrifter

      If they know how any individual voted, what’s the point of having a Commission?

      • Alex Grey

        They just know how the illegal votes were voted.

        • TundraGrifter

          One at a time?

  • Carpe Vagenda
  • Ezio

    Guys! I was on twitter and came across THIS nonsense. Seriously read this guy’s “article” and tell me it isn’t the wackiest thing a right winger has ever said. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/74fa2a292c88421df9fdebafb354391eaf97fd84df06a16fb310c516d3e4415f.jpg

    • jesterpunk

      MFW Trump is an elite and Christians are not being persecuted in this country.

      http://i.imgur.com/cw1H057.jpg

      • Three Finger Salute

        “Please don’t kill me again. Like, not even with votes.”

        -Jon Stewart, to totally not anti-Semitic “Christian” Trump supporters

    • YoBunnyBunny

      Isn’t the wackiest thing from a right winger???? That’s a pretty deep bench.

    • The Green Bastard

      I think that guy illegally voted for Trump. He looks & writes like an insufferable little know-it-all high schooler.

    • Suttree

      He writes rather well for a privileged, snot nosed little prick. I was unaware that Liberty U had an associated high school.

    • Baconzgood

      My God.

      There’s 2 kinda people in the world. Those that that are dumb and think they are smart. And those that are smart and know they are dumb.

      This guy is dumb enough to think he’s smart.

      I for one am smart enough to know im dumb.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      Actually, not the wackiest–but definitely the most tepidly stupid…

      Dude, “the base” is going to get shat on if Donny is impeached or not. The GOP don’t care nothing about the Not Rich and haven’t for the past 50 goddamn years.

      This stupid motherfucker just needs to take a seat.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Then “the base” is going to lash out at those who aren’t the base. Impeachment might actually be a much worse idea than just riding out until 2020, because of the psychological blow it’s going to cause for these lunatics and the havoc it’s going to wreak on innocent people who are going to be met with violence en masse. I actually fear what’ll happen when Trump does eventually reach his expiration date (as we all will someday). Just look at what’s happening down south with the Confederate statues being removed. Heck, look at the bloody murder that happens when Muhammad gets insulted in a cartoon. How many liberals go after Ben Garrison? Now watch how many redhats — especially the young ones — go after someone from S.N.L. or a political cartoonist. This man has brought together a terrorist cult and he’s going to inspire a massive violent backlash among his true believers. We’ve seen how this ends. It’s not pretty. We may even be witnessing the nascent inception of a new, uniquely American religion.

    • Baconzgood

      I wonder how much time he took on spell checking this? He probably could have listened to Bach’s Variations by Glenn Gould or painted a water color.

    • SeeTrain65

      “Nice hoodie, Joe. I guess your brown shirt’s in the laundry hamper?”

    • ltmcdies

      Joe….you’re an embarrassment to your family and any primate who walks upright…

      However……I read that “rash of suicides” bit among, I’m assuming Trump supporters and I flashed on Jonestown..

      what the hell is wrong with these people.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Instead of cyanide-laced Kool-Aid, fentanyl-laced Mountain Dew or Red Bull.

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      Fascinating. Quite the work of fiction, though I find the premise laughable, frankly.

    • Suttree

      So Joe obviously would support some sort of healthcare system that would take mental health into consideration. Possibly without huge premiums and deductibles?

      • Three Finger Salute

        “Mental health” isn’t a thing among these types. They’re of the opinion that the real crazies are triggered liberal snowflakes and “Obamamaniacs” and that what gets called “mental illness” is just a conspiracy by the pharmaceutical establishment to make money by replacing prayer with drugs, fluoride, or mercury-laced vaccines.

        All things are possible with Jesus if you really and truly believe. And if not, well, then it’s just not what Jesus wanted for some reason that you’re not allowed to know.

        Religion, itself, is a delusional disorder.

        • Suttree

          I really like that gun nuts get to make rules that the CDC cannot study gun violence. I would love to see a long term study of number of guns owned, and mental health issues in America.

  • Roni Raven, Undercovfefe Agent

    Hoo boy, it will soon be Mueller’s time in the barrel. I knew Trump would try this shit.

    https://twitter.com/BraddJaffy/status/887820023040966656

    • Ducksworthy

      It’ll be OK if Meuller only looks at Russian money laundering and not, say Kazakhstan money laundering.

    • gallbladder

      Clearly there’s nothing to see here.

    • TundraGrifter

      Well, Mr. Trump certainly should know something about conflicts of interest. He sure as Hell has enough first-hand experience.

    • jesterpunk

      So he is saying there is some shady shit in his family finances?

      • miss_grundy

        There has always been shady shit in his family finances going all the way back to Grandpa.

    • Picabo

      Leon Jaworski id not have a USB drive. HA! Go ahead, make my day.

    • Covfefe

      What does Mueller lose if Trump fires him? Does Mueller end up on unemployment insurance for 52 weeks?

  • WomanInThePersistence

    Sweet Jebus, I missed Luther. And he’s BACK!
    https://youtu.be/4D3oBaWYIwQ

    • miss_grundy

      He was awesome last night. And Keegan Michael-Key is appearing at the Public Theatre with Oscar Isaac in “Hamlet”. But right now, we need more Luther.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Republicans HATE HATE HATE democracy.

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      They love it, as long as they get a majority of votes.

  • memzilla Ω

    WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCKSNOT IS THIS BULLSHIT??
    . https://twitter.com/BraddJaffy/status/887820023040966656

    • Joe Beese

      Well, I’m not in favor of this at all.

      • Joe Beese

        By which I mean, having read the whole article, I now want to find someone to punch repeatedly in the face.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      I believe it is more obstruction charges.

    • SadDemInTex

      It feels so hopeless

      • Paperless Tiger

        That’s what Melania said.

    • The Green Bastard

      He’s giving Mueller to the count of three to knock it off & he’s on 1 & 1/2…

    • Doug Langley

      Because Trump’s all innocence with Russian finances?

    • jesterpunk

      So Mueller should look into his family finances? Is that what Trump is saying there?

      • Msgr_MΩment

        I’d be very suspicious about the briar patch.

        • Covfefe

          Donald as clever as Br’er Rabbit? No way.

    • DainBramage

      He has finances unrelated to Russia?

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Debts are finance, right?

    • biologydave

      Awww….poor little snowflake. I thought, by his own logic regarding the voter data, that failure to disclose means you have something to hide. Nobody could have thought prezidenting was this hard.

      • OrG

        “by his own logic”
        HAHAHAHAHA!

        • biologydave

          To be fair, I am drinking

    • gallbladder

      Time for another victory rally in Iowa?

      • Suttree

        Plus 3 or 4 more. He needs those campaign contributions to keep flowing! Purchasing land and paying bribes in non-extradition countries doesn’t come cheap.

      • Royal Ugly Dude

        Time for another victory Nuremberg rally in Iowa
        //fixed

    • Msgr_MΩment

      “He better not dig into my business dealings or Fluffy snuffs it.”

    • Suttree

      Maybe he should have divested? Not that it would have helped, but it may have given him a small benefit of the doubt.

      • Alex Grey

        Didn’t Republicans always used to be about “plausible deniability?”

        • Suttree

          That and compassionate conservatism.

    • OrG

      So….. this dumbass is gonna fire Mueller,isn’t he?

      • Roni Raven, Undercovfefe Agent

        Yep.

      • Seek

        Technically I believe someone else has to fire Mueller at Trump’s behest. Since he neither works for nor reports to Trump, Trump can’t fire him.

        • OrG

          See Nixon, Richard

    • ltmcdies

      nothing screams I have nothing financial to hide …l

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      Stick a fork in him. He’s done. He just doesn’t know it yet. Mueller can investigate whatever he wants.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω
    • The Green Bastard

      Also, a serious fucking “fuck you” to the First Cunt:

      “At one point, his daughter, Ivanka, arrived at the doorway with her daughter Arabella, who ran to her grandfather and gave him a kiss. He greeted the six-year-old girl as “baby,” then urged her to show the reporters her ability to speak Chinese. She obliged.”

      Way to shamelessly try to use your innocent child as a distraction from you & your father’s guilt. Again. I hope Arabella grows up to write the mother of all tell-alls in both English & Mandarin.

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      Yeah. That’ll work. Whew, problem solved, eh, Donnie?

    • Paperless Tiger

      Mueller must be cutting close to the bone.

      • H0mer0

        “you are bound to know,
        when the bullet hits the bone!”

    • CripesAmighty
      • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

        The sirens mean there’s NO CRIME GOING ON, so just run along, there’s nothing behind all these skeletons in this closet.

        I MEAN THERE’S NOTHING IN THIS CLOSET!!1

        • Three Finger Salute

          Let’s ask Fucker Gnarlson what’s the top story of the day. Looks like we’ve got a national emergency involving scary-looking brown people (allegedly) shitting on the sidewalk, in a suburb of Pittsburgh where it’s only acceptable for white methheads and drunk white frat boys to shit on the sidewalk.

          Also, a yuge international incident where Justin Trudeau, a Canadian, said sorry for something that he didn’t even do. But this wasn’t just any Canadian sorry — it was to a MUSLIM!!!111!

          Fucker Gnarlson, bringing you the important, high-priority news that everyone will be talking about tomorrow. Right Fucker?

          https://i.imgflip.com/1srrnw.jpg

    • aktlib101

      Donnie is right, that’s what dictators (and Putin, Erdogan, lil’ Kim) do

    • miss_grundy

      If he wants to create even more suspicion regarding his relationship to Putin, the oligarchs, money-laundering and his other Russian criminal activity, then go ahead and fire Mueller. The current drama will be nothing compared to the tsunami to follow.

    • DrBigHead

      I don’t think that Mueller scares easily.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Well no problem because all of the Drumpf’s finances connect to Russia. So he only proscribed those that don’t.

    • Is his plan to just keep firing people until his term is up?

  • Ezio

    Exclusive image of Donald Trump as he decides to sabotage the ACA and cut healthcare for people all because he won’t work with the other side:
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/5b781be1867826b53e0563bf2242f3c8c85abf06b54b4ce3a4282febf1000672.jpg

  • Reximus

    McCain has brain cancer per CNN

    • ltmcdies

      OK …if true that legit sucks…nasty illness I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy

      • Roni Raven, Undercovfefe Agent

        Agree.

      • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

        Yup. Glioblastoma. Aggressive. No cure. Poor bugger.

    • ⭐️Most Accurate Poster 2017⭐️

      dang

    • biologydave

      That’s terrible. I hope it’s treatable.

      • ltmcdies

        depends where it is and if it’s the type that keeps growing back…

        • aktlib101

          It’s infiltrative, keeps coming back in VAST majority of cases. That is the problem with GBM

      • aktlib101

        Nope

    • Ezio

      If true, then I’m sorry to hear that.

    • OutOfOrbit

      To be honest, I don’t care. He is not the only person in the world suffering right now.

    • Alex Grey

      At least he has insurance. (Come on you were all thinking it.)

      • Ezio

        Snark aside, yeah, this sort of thing could bankrupt a family.

        • Beanz&Berryz

          Almost all families, at retail.

      • ltmcdies

        I thought that when it was a blood clot…but I work in neuro surg…brain tumors suck. It’s what eventually killed Ted Kennedy

        • Beanz&Berryz

          I’m in neuro meds, receiving, so brain shit sucks.

          • Scrofula

            I have neurotic meds and my shit sucks.

      • AJ Milne

        I was.

        I was also thinking: I’d cut him a break for his rambling weird ‘but her emailz’ thing at the Comey hearing if this were part of it…

        … except that then I dunno what excuse the rest of the people who pull that shit have…

        Seriously: wouldn’t wish this on anyone.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      He seems nice.

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      That’s too bad.

    • SeeTrain65

      Whoa, this sucks, if true.

      And no, I don’t want to know how Caitlin Johnstone or Diana Orrock feel about this, TYVM.

    • Jennifer R

      It’s glioblastoma, which is the most aggressive brain cancer.

      • Scrofula

        Not sure, but that one is verified nasty.

    • Seamus Romney

      Well that sounds life changing.

      • Jennifer R

        He was already retiring at the end of his term, wonder if he does so sooner?

        • Seamus Romney

          I would think his Drs advised him of that. It’s an aggressive and extremely debilitating disease.

        • Seek

          He just got re-elected so he’s got 51/2 yrs left. Hardly likely to make that

          • Jennifer R

            He statistically has a year.

    • ltmcdies

      https://twitter.com/brianstelter/status/887825385924182016

      worst of the brain cancers in my experience…this really sucks

    • CripesAmighty

      GBM. He’s toast. Rough.

    • aktlib101

      It appears to be primary glioblastoma. Survival average of approx. 8 months. The article says survival of 14 months with treatment. Potatoes….
      http://www.cnn.com/2017/07/19/health/gupta-mccain-glioblastoma/index.html

    • miss_grundy

      He is very lucky to have a Cadillac health insurance plan and enough money to pay the balance of his bill. There are probably a lot of people in Arizona who don’t have his level of medical insurance or money who have been diagnosed with the disease and he would have voted to take away the little that they had. I reserve my sympathy for those people who would have been thrown under the bus.

      • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

        I’d prefer we not go there.

      • Three Finger Salute

        The rest of us have… Pinto health insurance?

    • TootsStansbury

      We’ll, that sucks. Much as I disagree with him, hasn’t he already been through enough?

    • Persistent Demme

      Tough news.
      I will try to think of the McCain that shook his head to a crowd that was booing him (at his own rally!), and defended Obama with:
      “He’s a decent, family man, citizen, that I just happen to have disagreements with, and that’s what this campaign is all about.”
      (Remember when politicians talked that way?)

  • Dick St. Dipshit

    Gary Kasparov said that Putin is a poker player and he knows how to bluff. Trump is like a poker player who tries to bluff after you’ve seen his hand.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Trump ALWAYS lies. He’s an open book poker player who ALWAYS pretends he has more than
      He does.

      • Dick St. Dipshit

        As LBJ said of Nixon, he lies just to keep in practice.

        • AJ Milne

          See also ‘you been lying so long you don’t know what’s real’.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            Nor does he.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      His “tell” is an air-raid siren.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Poker? You’re too kind. He can’t figure out 52-card pickup.

  • ⭐️Most Accurate Poster 2017⭐️
    • Alex Grey

      FAKE NEWESSZ!

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Does Jefferson Beauregard Stonewall Sessions have the stones to retire, now that he’s being thrown under the bus by the Prez?

  • Juan de Fuca

    Way O/T and this article is a few months old but the conversation came up recently when we saw the movie “Patriots Day” is playing on Spectrum’s On Demand network.

    Even Mark Wahlberg doesn’t want to hear what his fellow celebrities have to say about politics. During an interview with “Task and Purpose,” the 45-year-old actor said it’s time for Hollywood to keep quiet when it comes to Donald Trump.

    During an interview with “Task and Purpose,” the 45-year-old actor said it’s time for Hollywood to keep quiet when it comes to Donald Trump.

    “A lot of celebrities did, do, and shouldn’t,” Wahlberg said when asked about celebrities who denounced the president-elect before the election. “You know, it just goes to show you that people aren’t listening to that anyway.”

    “They might buy your CD or watch your movie, but you don’t put food on their table,” he said. “You don’t pay their bills. A lot of Hollywood is living in a bubble. They’re pretty out of touch with the common person, the everyday guy out there providing for their family.”

    “Me, I’m very aware of the real world. I come from the real world and I exist in the real world. And although I can navigate Hollywood and I love the business and the opportunities it’s afforded me, I also understand what it’s like not to have all that.”

    The main reason I didn’t rent the movie “Patriots Day” (besides the clichéd title) is because the leading character is someone who in real life literally beat an immigrant to within an inch of his life simply because that person looked like an immigrant. And as a middle class person, I also think that RWNJ celebrities should shut the fuck up about their peers discussing politics when they’re starring in movies titled, “Patriots Day”.

    • TJ Barke

      Guess what middle class people; Donnie is taking you for a fucking ride, and when he’s done with you, you won’t be middle class anymore.

      • Juan de Fuca

        That’s fine. I’m literally looking at down sizing and checking out beach front lots in Humbodlt County, CA as we speak. Cheaper, smaller condos in Hawaii and SoCal.

        I grew up poor and am finding that middle class is far overrated. I could totally work for a less salary driving a fork lift at Costco if it means I’m closer to the beach.

        • TJ Barke

          If I lived somewhere that surfing was a thing, and I knew how, I’d do whatever let me surf more often.

      • Jenny

        Donnie is the brother who made the family with his stint in New Kids. He’s (Donnie)also married to Jenny McCarthy so we know how grounded these ordinary people are…

        • TJ Barke

          Donnie as in Trump, Jenny…

          • Jenny

            Oh no, Donnie is my first crush from NKOTB. You’re talking about Presnit Turdburgler McPussgrabber!

    • TJ Barke

      Tom Hanks is my favorite folksy Americana celebrity anyway.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Folksy in a broad modern sense

    • Paperless Tiger

      An actor telling us not to listen to actors. Okay.

    • jesterpunk
      • The Green Bastard

        Damn, Sam! Like a boss.

      • Juan de Fuca

        Perfect.

        • jesterpunk

          She has that pinned on top of her twitter feed.

      • Alex Grey

        Celebrities already provide half of our reliable news sources anyway.

    • OrG

      Marky Mark says what?

      • miss_grundy

        IKR? Mr. Republican Actor making his macho Republican movies. But please let’s hear about your struggles…..Comemierda!

    • Suttree

      Thanks for your input Markie Mark. You have a permanent felony record for attempted murder, for beating a Vietnamese man unconscious with a large wooden stick.

      His wiki page says that he has donated to democrats in the past. It doesn’t explain why. It also said that he asked for a pardon for his numerous past violent crimes against minorities.

      Eat a bag of highly salted rat dicks you piece of shit motherfucker!

  • Carpe Vagenda
    • alwayspunkindrublic

      I don’t know what this means, but it sounds poetic.

      • Scrofula

        He means the plant is going to die.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        “Oh, look. Sunset.”

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          You call that a sunset?

    • Suttree

      My view faces the other way.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        The Emerald City is closer and more brilliant than ever?

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Return of Florida Man, from the MSNBC “breaking news” info crawl: FLA drug dealer calls cops to report theft of his coke stash. What could possibly go wrong here?

    • OrG

      Your move Texas.

      • Jenny

        Texas already did that and filmed it on cops!

        • Alex Grey

          My money will always be on Texas to do it bigger and dumber.

  • jesterpunk
    • Suttree

      Is that you Melania?

  • miss_grundy

    Someone please slap the white off of Kris Kobach and Dolt 45. What a f*cking sore winner. So, you get to be president because of the fakakte electoral college and you are still bellyaching nine months later. I can only hope that Mueller bats a .1000 in putting these asshats in handcuffs.

  • Apple Scruff

    Uh oh… something is afoot. What say Joy????!!!

  • Alexander Stallwitz
  • jesterpunk
    • alwayspunkindrublic

      I hate John McCain, but that’s not something you wish on anyone.

      • jesterpunk

        Yeah, hope he is ok from this.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          I wrote him a really nasty letter last week. Now I feel kind of shitty about it.

          • janecita

            Don’t, he was just an asshole last week.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            And for the last 30 years, to be fair.

          • Alex Grey

            He’s to blame for bringing Palin onto the national stage as well.

          • Yr. Gma

            For that one, I hold a grudge forever.

          • redarmyzombie

            Eh, don’t, it’s not like you knew or wished this on him.

          • ltmcdies

            you’re not a seer…unless you start telling us “Bernie would have won”

          • Juan de Fuca

            He can be a jackass but he’s a tough old jackass.

          • OrG

            He’s STILL an asshole. Get well soon walnuts!

          • Msgr_MΩment

            And yet, I’ve read online that Trump is suffering the effects of tertiary syphilis.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            I hope his dick falls off.

          • janecita

            Bigly!!!

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            That’s not the adjective observers would use, but I get the point.

          • janecita

            Smallgly?

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            That’s the one!

          • mancityRed6

            I know someone you should write
            http://www.kssos.org/contact.html

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Duly noted. Thanks.

          • Komsumverweigerer Ron

            I’m pretty sure it wasn’t your fault he got it.

        • janecita

          He won’t be, it’s very aggressive.

          • redarmyzombie

            Well, shit, as much as I’m not happy with him I’m still sorry to hear that.

          • jesterpunk

            Well even if its something bad then I hope he is at least comfortable and not in too much pain. I dont like his politics but dont want to see anyone suffer.

          • janecita

            Me neither, I hope that he is comfortable, and surrounded by love and peace.

          • RobespierreHoo

            Well, almost not “anyone”.

          • janecita

            So true, I’ve a long list of people that truly deserve A LOT of suffering.

          • jesterpunk

            Yet another reason I am not a politician, police officer or anything like that. I couldn’t decide who should suffer and who shouldn’t and couldn’t actively hurt anyone.

          • janecita

            You are such a sweetie pie:-) I’d be ruthless.

          • Three Finger Salute

            I wrote below that’s why I couldn’t do jury duty.

          • janecita

            Really? I’d be the one screaming “off with his head!”

        • CripesAmighty

          Nope. GBM. Done.

      • janecita

        I’m with you on that one. I feel really bad for him and his family.

      • wait! what?

        Glioblastomas are made up of a variety of cancer cells, which makws them very hard to treat and target with therapies.

    • Doug Langley

      Any way he can recover from this?

      • jesterpunk

        The Doctor guy on MSNBC said it depends how much they could remove and how bad it was but it was. If they caught it too late or didnt remove it all he may have 3 years to live, if it went well he might be as ok as he can be at his age with his health issues.

        • Werewolf

          I’ve never heard of anyone who lived more than two years with glioblastoma. My cousin’s wife just died of that-and she was a good 25 years younger than McCain.

        • aktlib101

          That’s way to optimistic. Really. Survival is about 1 year

          • miss_grundy

            The first library director I worked for died from brain cancer and it took her very quickly. And she was the bomb. This is one of the worst ways to die.

          • janecita

            I had a friend that died from glioblastoma when we were both 14 years old, he only lasted 6 months after diagnosis.

      • Juan de Fuca

        Too soon.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        See also Jimmy Carter?

        • janecita

          It’s not the same type of brain Cancer.

      • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

        No.

    • redarmyzombie

      Well, shit. I’m quite peeved at the guy, but I hope they can get it under control.

      • ltmcdies

        glioblastomas are very hard to treat and aggressive

        • redarmyzombie

          well, shit…

    • MynameisBlarney

      Damn, that sucks.

    • Yr. Gma

      He is old. This kind of shit happens to us olds. Luckily for him, he has a terrific health care. Get well soon, old shit.

      • OrdinaryJoe

        Getting old is not for sissies. He ain’t a sissy. But he is not going to get well from this.

      • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

        He won’t get well. It’s incurable and it will kill him.

    • TJ Barke

      Explains the gibberish during the Comey hearing.

      • Yr. Gma

        Maybe…

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Pontificating: Would be cool if he is just like fuck it and becomes an actual maverick. But I imagine he’ll go shuffling obediently into that good night.

      • TJ Barke

        No, Juan! Rage! Rage against the dying of the light!

        • Kiri the Unicorn

          Go down shooting!

      • jesterpunk

        He should tell Trump what he really thinks about his comments. His kids and grandkids have already.

    • OutOfOrbit

      Open question: How many here think Walnuts would give a fuck if one of us had [any kind of] cancer but no heath insurance?

      • jesterpunk

        I dont think any republican would. But I am not a republican and dont want to see anyone suffer if there is treatment available that can help them.

        • OutOfOrbit

          I did not ask who among us Wants him to suffer.

        • OutOfOrbit

          Also, cancer just happens sometimes, but having to deal with any disease w/o heath insurance becuz of him & his ilk…no sympathy here.

      • janecita

        He wouldn’t give three flying fucks about any of us peasants.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          The only real question: Do we want to be as nasty and lacking in empathy as he is?

          • janecita

            Nope, and I absolutely feel bad about his illness.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            It’s amazing…we libs can handle emotional complexity and think two things at once: McCain is a gigantic fucking asshole AND I feel bad about his diagnosis.

          • miss_grundy

            That is because liberals can actually keep two opposing viewpoints in our brains without it exploding.

          • OutOfOrbit

            Empathy, a strange word while Iraq, Syria, the homeless and uninsured everywhere….phuut

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            See below. I’m not gonna get sanctimonious on anyone snarking on him. He and his ilk have done real damage to people’s lives. I just don’t take any joy in his suffering, just as I wouldn’t want to see a vicious dog suffer.

          • janecita

            I have empathy for all of those people. I’m not perfect, if it was Rumsfeld, Cheney, Bush, Gonzalez, Rice, Trump and any his flying monkeys, that had this horrible cancer, I would probably be feeling a little giddy, McCain’s level of evil doesn’t deserve my ruthlessness.

          • miss_grundy

            Well, he certainly was nasty to his colleague, Kamala Harris just a few weeks ago. And I wouldn’t put it past him to vote to repeal the ACA, which would mean that he is lacking empathy for others who are also suffering from his diagnosis or any other form of cancer. For someone who tells everyone that he is a maverick, he hasn’t acted like one in a long time. Wouldn’t it be nice if this turn of events taught him to be more caring and empathetic of others?

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Well, a characteristic of Republicans is to only have empathy and awareness once something bad happens to them personally. And as I like to say, at that point, it’s not even empathy…just self-interest. Maybe this is his chance for a come-to-Jesus moment. Frankly, I’m not holding my breath.

    • Shucky Ducky

      Sarah Palin?

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Facts [evidence of brain] not in evidence.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Damn. Don’t like the man’s politics. But I’ve seen good people die of tumors like that, and it’s a horrific way to go.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Poor Lindsay….

    • Pisto75666

      That sucks. I didn’t always like the stuff he said but, IDK he was somehow still likeable during the Bush Jr years IMO.

    • OrdinaryJoe

      So does our country.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Wrong side. Trump is an anal tumor.

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      This is one of those times when we say “politics, shmolitics”. I feel for the guy and for his family. And let’s face it, we are all family. America is one big, awkward Thanksgiving dinner. Best wishes to the senator and his family.

    • I hope he has decent insurance.

      • Wild Cat

        The best. He hasn’t thanked me for paying for it.

    • aktlib101

      You think McCain will have an epiphany and tell McTurtle, Blowjob-Ryan and von Clownstick to go fuck themselves and their healthcare bill?

      • Alex Grey

        How Dickensian of you.

      • Wild Cat

        No. He’s a shit.

      • Everrett Fanuelli

        No. The right has Cindy and Meghan held hostage.

        • Wild Cat

          And his illegitimate black Southern bastards!

  • Blackest Noobs

    this guy is such an asshole…this is not leadership.
    AND another thing…come on guy…lay off the fucking spray tanner….YOU’RE THE FUCKING PRESIDENT….fucking look like it, you fucking incompetent twit!!!!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZT1lcrdu_PE

    • Juan de Fuca

      The entire GOP is full of ass kissers. If I was Sen. Heller I would’ve replied – “I do indeed which is why I didn’t vote to take away Medicare from my constituents.”

      • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

        Or is it a version of Stockholm Syndrome? They’re “normal” outside the room, but faced with it in person they get that plastered on smile and execute the auto-giggle.

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      I should never, ever click on the vids. Why do I fall for that? When I listen to it speak I get bursty with rage and disgust. It’s better that I should read what it says.

  • memzilla Ω

    Faux ‘News’ pundit Mark Serrano took munniez from Trump Campaign without disclosing it, while flogging Lord Dampnut on Faux ‘News.’ Everybody put on their Shocked Face.

  • Truck Fump

    Looks like tRump is offering Putin a bj after dinner.
    https://youtu.be/8SRpEfCb7R8?t=53

    • Msgr_MΩment

      No. If I understand sign language correctly, it translates as:
      “You. Me. Let’s go get some hookers.”

      • aktlib101

        Let’s go get some blowup dolls? (the kind that don’ talk back or tape the “encounter”)

    • Paperless Tiger

      I can’t read his lips from here because he keeps jerking his fist in front of them.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        “…. that thing I do with my uvula ….”

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Nah that’s the motion a nerd makes when he thinks he has a special relationship with a cool kid.

    • hudson srinivasan

      #1. putin demands his hand be sanitized with certifiable vodka, but the doode knows conversational english.

  • Ryan Denniston
    • Rachel Book Harlot

      Just saw this as well. Very sad news.

    • Edith Prickly

      That’s terrible. His career is likely over, no matter what he says to the media. Glioblastoma is aggressive and difficult to treat.

  • Edith Prickly

    OT question for the other Olds here – did any of you know New York Seltzer was coming back?? Found these at a Rabba Fine Foods downtown https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/921c06354a869afbc752ce5d31db4566a74dc9152cf2c9075473c96398d637c2.jpg

    • Pisto75666

      I’ve been trying to get these at my local grocery store (they’ve been available since last year, I think) but so far the only place you can get them is about 3 hours away.

    • yyyaz

      Weird. I don’t recall ever not having it out here in AZ. At least for the past dozen or so years.

      • Edith Prickly

        I have not seen it in my neck of the woods since the late 1980s. They kept it exactly the same! <3

    • Alex Grey

      Yep, the local liquor store carries them, here in NE Portland.

    • Nounverb911
    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Had one a while back. Ahhhh, middle school in the late 80s early 90s

    • AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

      • (cont) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

        I loved this stuff, particularly the WILD CHERRY!

        It’s coming back..?

        AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Let’s see now. Trump sez we shouldn’t leave town until a healthcare bill is passed. Wanna bet Trump is playing golf somewhere this weekend?

    • Alex Grey

      Those odds sound worse then for a Trump business to succeed.

    • Apple Scruff

      Every time he says that they need to stay I just think of how he goes on vacay every fucking weekend.

    • OrdinaryJoe

      Trump sort of got it mixed up. Turns out Melania told him he should sit at his desk in the Oval Office until there is a bill to sign and he should not leave town until they send one to him. She will be in NYC waiting.

      Bwhahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahahhahahhhhhhaaha

  • Left Coast Tom

    For folks interested in California Gold Rush towns…the Detwiler FIre is dangerously close to Mariposa (which was evacuated earlier). It started Sunday afternoon, and as of this morning was over 45,000 acres.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b112665d4402a598f8e486f8f08ed9131c3c1b8ee3879c3c1e6e92942f9e0e8c.jpg

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Yeah – the smoke from that is blanketing most of Western Nevada. We are presently at “Unhealthy for Sensitive Groups”. But if it spiked we could end up in “Hazardous” real quick.

  • gullywompr

    This is not good news for John McCain.

    • Nounverb911

      How long until trump tweets something stupid?

      • MynameisBlarney

        5 minutes ago?

        • Juan de Fuca

          This is his most recent one and I haven’t got a clue what any of it means:
          https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/887654816507408384

          • Delu

            They never discuss how good their healthcare bill is. I wonder
            why?

            And it will get better? How when they’ve never even discussed it?

            The dems scream death as OCare dies.

            Dunno what that means but OCare isn’t dying. Far from it.

            Trump is trying to kill it though.

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        Hasn’t he already? Damn, he must be feeling sluggish after a big dinner.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      I laughed too hard at that. I feel terrible for the guy and his family, but couldn’t help myself.

      • My work motto is “If I don’t laugh, i am will scream with rage”

        • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

          “You can laugh or cry. Which is more fun?”

      • Joe Beese

        It had to be said.

        We all have to die of something. But no one should have to die like that. I wish him well.

      • gullywompr

        I wrestled with it, but as you see, I reached a decision.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Cancer is a bitch. Took both my parents. Don’t wish that kind of end on anybody. He needs to spend every hour he has left, and he won’t really know how long that is, with his family. Feel bad for the whole family because it will be rough for all of them.

    • gullywompr

      At least he has a good health care plan to help in this time of need, n’est-ce pas?

      • OrdinaryJoe

        Yes but all the insurance in the world isn’t going to help because there is really nothing his doctors can do to reverse this. I’m share nothing with him politically but I certain share and understand the shock and grief his family must feel.

        • gullywompr

          I lost my father two weeks ago after a long illness. I know you are not trying to disagree, but trust me when I say that good health insurance helps quite a great deal even in, or perhaps especially in, terminal cases.

          • OrdinaryJoe

            Don’t disagree at all. Having enough money is the last thing people should be worrying about under circumstances like these.

    • ltmcdies

      #FuckCancer…

  • Picabo

    Dok may be working overtime tonight. Keep your comments classy.

    • I put the ass in class baby!

    • MynameisBlarney

      Classy as fuck.
      Like always.

    • Wild Cat

      When he moderates, I cut a fart before I post.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      I feel bad for the guy and his family. He’s been through a bunch of shit politically, mentally and physically. Just hope he would stand up and live up to his nickname

      • Alex Grey

        Who Dok?

        • OutOfOrbit

          Dok is a mythical creature of unfathomable wisdom, wit and intelligence.

          • Alex Grey

            And I hear he moderates at 3 times the speed of sound.

          • OutOfOrbit

            Faster than a speeding…speeding…speeding. Help?

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            Kobach visiting a civil war memorial?

          • Saxo the Grammarian

            Faster than a speeding neutron.

            Happy to help.

          • Msgr_MΩment

            A speeding Nodong rocket.

          • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

            Gonzales?

          • Le Chapeau

            I thought he was an unfathomable creature of mythical wisdom, wit and intelligence. Now I’m all confused.

          • Left Coast Tom

            I thought there were ponies.

  • Komsumverweigerer Ron

    So He Went To Jared is having his tete-a-tete with the Senate committee in private. I’ll bet the first thing out of his mouth is, ‘What can I get if I turn in Paul and Donnie Junior?’

    • OrdinaryJoe

      We meed to give them all crime family names. Paulie “Moscow” Manafort. Donnie “Junior” Trump Jr. Jared “Bugsy” Kushner. Mike “Whitey” Flynn. Starters.

  • Bananas Foster

    My sincere best wishes to McCain.

    In other news, it seems the Russians have perfected brain tumor technology.

  • AyeDiosDrinko

    John McCain has the cancerous version of my brain tumor. Doubt he’s terrified at the prospect of losing his insurance though…

  • MynameisBlarney

    I’m gonna send an email to Sen. McCain wishing him well.
    No snark.
    I’m serious.

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      That’s quite thoughtful of you. Really.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Thanks.
        I lost my step mom to something similar.
        It’s fucking heartbreaking watching someone go through that.
        I may not agree with his politics, but what he’s going through is a Hell I wouldn’t wish on anyone.

        • Komsumverweigerer Ron

          Agreed. My father had ELEVEN kinds of cancer (he started smoking during WWII and was up to a couple of cartons a week) and at the end there wasn’t much of him left.

    • II Gosala

      I am not a fan of McCain’s politics nor of the way he has conducted himself,

      But, sweet Jesus, I hope he beats this thing.

    • MynameisBlarney

      https://www.mccain.senate.gov/public/

      Here’s his email linky if anyone else feels so inclined.

      • redarmyzombie

        Done.

      • redarmyzombie

        Senator McCain,

        I wish you and your family well in this difficult time. Cancer has touched my family numerous times; my cousin is a survivor of leukemia, and my grandmother had been diagnosed twice throughout her life with breast and lung cancer, and lived long enough to beat both.

        I often times disagree with you quite strongly in terms of policy, but I believe you to be an honorable man who has tried to lead an honorable life (certainly, a more honorable life than President Bone spurs can hope to claim) and know enough to understand you are not beaten so easily. It is my sincere hope you make a strong recovery, and give this bastard cancer hell.

        Sincerely,
        Kyle Perez

        • MynameisBlarney

          Damn, that was way more eloquent than my ham-handed attempt at reaching out.
          Good on ya my friend.

          • redarmyzombie

            Eh, the two degrees in English and Literature probably helped a little…

          • MynameisBlarney

            Yeah, that might have had something to do with it. lol

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    So we’re home, and my brother seems fine. About to go pick up his pain meds, and I’ll spend the day with him tomorrow, but I think we’re past the scare. Thanks for all the support! You guys are the best.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Oh, thank heavens! I was thinking about you today.

    • janecita

      Good! I’m so glad for the two of you! Did you have that sundae last night?

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        Hah- no, this fucking town shuts down at 9 p.m. in the summer! And I didn’t want to go to the place that was open and lose my parking place! #priorities

    • OutOfOrbit

      Recall where your head was just 24 hours ago.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        Still pretty wiped out, but this time without the worry, thank crom.

    • Parakeetist

      Hug.

  • Reximus
    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Classy, all the way. Compare and contrast with members of McCain’s own party wishing him dead.

    • Delu

      Hmmm, now who was it who said that McCain was no hero again?

    • Nounverb911
      • Alex Grey

        What a witch.

        • data_ninja

          Thank god she tweeted that and didn’t email it to him.

          • redarmyzombie

            International assassin Ben Ghazi strikes again…

      • janecita

        And she could have been our president!!! I hate people!

      • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

        That’s my girl.

        As Al Franken points out very well in his latest book, the Senate is a very small club and they try very hard to get along with each other on a personal level. Hell, Al is even (was) friends with Jeff Sessions and The McTurtle.

        • Unless you are Ted Cruz

          • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

            Exactly!!

        • DrBigHead

          Also, remember that Orrin Hatch was one of Ted Kennedy’s closest friends

      • Everrett Fanuelli

        Too bad about those emails

      • miss_grundy

        And another classy tweet. Do you think her opponent would ever be this gracious? Yeah, I don’t think so.

    • Suttree

      He was a brave man in war. I wish that he had been that brave in the senate. I hope that he makes it through this! Godzilla be with you.

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/880d553c6dae201cacad40b184bfdf487cb9cb1e801fd54cc91ac9858a69980c.jpg

      • McCain always reminded of that line in CITIZEN KANE:

        “Not that Charlie was ever brutal, he just did brutal things.”

        Good thoughts to you, Senator McCain.

    • Nounverb911
      • Joe Beese

        Please don’t remind us of the single worst thing he ever did.

        • OrG

          Well…

      • redarmyzombie

        Ugh, please don’t make me agree with that slimeball…

    • janecita

      I miss Obama:-(

      • Alex Grey

        What’s the opposite of shame?

        • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

          Obama.

        • Parakeetist

          Proud.

          • Alex Grey

            Right, I remember feeling that way a long time ago.

      • Parakeetist

        Classy man.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      I’d like to hear from the RWNJ politicians- what specific moral failing did McCain make to cause the cancer? How did his failure to lead a good life contribute to this?

      • Reximus

        He’s not a war hero,” said Trump. “He was a war hero because he was captured. I like people who weren’t captured.

        • Three Finger Salute

          “I like people who don’t get cancer. Low energy losers.” -Dump

      • Edith Prickly

        Too much swearing and not enough happy thoughts.

    • Delu

      What has Trump said about this? Or is he too busy tweeting something else?

      • Edith Prickly

        If he gets around to it, he’ll make it about himself. As always.

    • miss_grundy

      Considering what an SOB McCain was toward him, this is the way a gentleman tweets a message to someone who hasn’t always been kind to him. And this is why I miss him.

  • Joe Beese
    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      Donnie? Fuck off.

      • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

        Fooled again you silly parody people!

    • Picabo

      What an opportunist. Not surprised.

    • ltmcdies

      that’s a parody account right…right?????

      • DrBigHead

        I’m sure it is, because there is no “nice” Donald Trump. Not in this universe anyway.

      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        Yes. Nice Trump.

      • Left Coast Tom

        Yes – see the “@niceDonaldTrump”…

      • AyeDiosDrinko

        Yes.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Trump will tweet something about McCain while touting that healthcare needs to pass.

      • data_ninja

        …With a link to the 2016 electoral map, defending his son, and calling fake news about Putin.

      • DrBigHead

        In 3…..2…..1….

    • Incoming Ham

      Wait, what?

      • janecita

        It’s a parody account.

  • Blackest Noobs

    O/T: “softball” discussion ( not about softball but a discussion about nothing important)

    question…would you go to Disney with your kids ( those w/o kids, you can still imagine) in August in Florida? why or why not? discuss.

    • No. I don’t wish to look like Barbados Monica

    • Maggielle

      Sure. It’s beastly hot but everything is air conditioned. But get trip insurance in case of hurricanes.

      • Blackest Noobs

        no shit. i’ve been to Florida in December and January…and it was balmy.
        i can only imagine the hell summers are like there.
        perhaps explains the serial killings and death speed metal.

        • Parakeetist

          I live here. Yeah, it does. :)

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        Many buildings and many vehicles are air conditioned, but you gotta run between them out in the open.

        • Maggielle

          Also I remembered the wildlife/safari/Africa habitat and you go on a little train for that and it’s shaded but not air conditioned. But the thing is, kids really do love it, and Florida summers are never gonna get any cooler.

          • Komsumverweigerer Ron

            There is that. Sometimes you just gotta put on your big boy panties and put up with it.

    • TJ Barke

      No. Alligators. No reptile that large should exist

      • redarmyzombie

        Don’t even get me started on saltwater crocs…

      • janecita

        They taste good and look awesome as shoes.

        • TJ Barke

          And they will eat you if they think they can get away with it.

        • Suttree

          I do like fried gator. It isn’t great, but it was a nice cheap lunch when I was working out in the parishes.

          • TJ Barke

            I heard it tastes like fish.

          • Suttree

            Funky chicken is more like it. Tastes like chicken but has the mouthfeel of fried beef. Don’t ask me how I know what fried beef feels like in my mouth.

    • data_ninja

      You go in July. Most schools start up in mid to late August, and the transition from vacation directly to school would be hell.

    • miss_grundy

      It depends: how do you feel about sun stroke???? August in Florida is hellacious. And unless you get the express pass so you won’t have to wait in line to get on the rides, you may not want to be out in that much sun.

    • janecita

      No, too hot, too crowded, I would do December instead.

    • Parakeetist

      October.

      • Blackest Noobs

        but you know, crazy, it might still be too fucking hot in October too.
        i mean come on…it’s Florida.

        • Suttree

          February might be nice.

    • natoslug

      Only at gunpoint. And I’d probably change my mind and ask to be shot after a day there.

    • II Gosala

      No. Reasons?
      1. Disney
      2. Crass commercialism
      3. Disney
      4. Crass commercialism of Disney

      Did I mention
      1. Florida is miserable in August: mosquitos, hurricanes
      2. Tourists are horrible people.

      Oh, and Disney disnified classic fairy tales, Winnie the Pooh, and oh so much else.

      And did I mention the crass commercialism?

      No, I’d take my hypothetical kids to the lake to swim, fish, and all that sort of stuff.

      • Maggielle

        You’re not wrong except for the mosquitoes. They don’t allow bugs at Disneyworld. (The insecticides are invisible.)

        • Suttree

          I used to live in New Orleans. They sent out trucks with skeeter foggers all summer long. It didn’t do shit. Although Disney probably bleaches the heck out of everything on those 400k(?) acres.

          • Maggielle

            It’s been years since I was there. My parents retired to Florida and they LOVED Disneyworld and had season passes. They had their 50th anniversary celebration there in July (again, years ago) and my attendance was mandatory. I decided to experience it as an anthropological expedition and honestly, I had a good time. No bugs. And young kids LOVE it. Sometimes you just need to do the weird stuff despite everything.

          • Suttree

            I spent my 20 years down south as a drunken anthropologist. It helped me to get over the racism and hatred. Sure I broke all of the rules of field work!

        • II Gosala

          1. The invisible insecticides are doubtless bad for the environment

          2. You can’t spend all your time in the anti mosquito Disney lebensraum. Hell, I get two or three bites just stepping outside for a cigarette.

          3. I seem to be into numbered lists tonight.

          • Suttree

            Skeeters will come to me from a few blocks away, no matter what state I am in. You may define state as you feel fit.

    • vivian

      No.
      1) Disney
      2) Florida
      3) August

      All the strikes are used and that’s an automatic out.

    • Suttree

      I wouldn’t because I don’t have kids and fucking hate Disney crap.

      That said, a buddy of mine went in midsummer with his kid and had a good time. Small flight from Louisiana was cheap. The accommodations were nice, and he upgraded to something something. There were many a free cocktail and foodstuffs. He said he had a great time. I believe that he said something like $2k for the week. He is a fancy fucker when he ain’t broke though.

    • MynameisBlarney

      No.
      1) Hurricane season.
      2) It’s Florida.
      3) See #2.
      4) Other tourists suck at driving.
      5) Disney.
      6) Refer to item #2 again.
      7) Come to the Keys instead.

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      The two times I’ve been were in November, 20+ years ago, and it was STILL too hot. August I don’t even want to cross the Mason-Dixon line.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Pub Crawl in Key West, just sayin’.

      • Blackest Noobs

        you get a +1 for creative thinking…but the Key is like what 5 or 6 hours from Orlando…the topic is Disney..Florida..and August.

        i personally think NUTS.

        but your Key West tangent is intriguing. them i remember oh…it’s in Florida.

        • MynameisBlarney

          Bruh…
          K Dub is a four hour drive from Key Largo. At least.
          It’s only 100 miles, but the traffic…best try in off season, for sure.
          Last time I went there for Fantasy Fest, it took 6 hours.
          Not trying to turn you off to this, just lettin’ ya know what to expect.

          • Blackest Noobs

            oh it’s not me. i personally think florida in the summer is nuts. a friend of mine is taking his kids. i called him cra-cra.

  • Anna Rompage

    I’ve got little baby cukes!

    May they grow up to be big, strong, naturally fermented dill pickles!

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/45ada0227dd320e274b6c471a869dbfbc95bd316890f3b6e21e8de91ad3aa733.jpg

    • I have multitues of boxes!

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      I am soooo looking forward to pickle season. The 1/2 sours are my fave!

      • Anna Rompage

        I’m kind of particular to the full sours, as long as they still have a decent crunch…

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      Yay for you! My cukes seem to have some sort of wilt (darn it) but the tomatoes are coming in well and I made a big ol’ batch of tasty gazpacho today (yum).

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      And may your first cucumber be a masculine cucumber

    • DrBigHead

      I like the quick refrigerator pickles — salt, pepper, some white onion, cider vinegar, perhaps some smashed mustard seed. Mmmmm

    • miss_grundy

      It’s a pod person!!!!! Yikes!

    • Mine are still only flowering… I eagerly await their forthcoming cucumberitude!

    • janecita

      I’ve a whole bunch pickling already!

    • jaspersdad

      Reminds me of my Grandma. Cucumber samiches.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    McCain had a very pernicious kind of brain tumor.

    Here’s the Arizona Republican committe person praying for MCcain’s death.

    Isn’t she deplorable?

    https://twitter.com/ReaganBattalion/status/887147787565060096

    • ltmcdies

      wow…what a lovely pair of assholes you have there, GOP…

      • yyyaz

        Yeah, Flake is an asshole as well, but Orrock is from Nevada.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      How pleasant of her. I hope something something votes.

      • redarmyzombie

        Votes, and possibly timber wolves…

        • sw19covfefe

          The timber wolf voting booth is a many-splendoured thing.

    • TJ Barke

      But liberals are the terrible ones…

    • Suttree

      If I gave a fuck, I would look up qoutes of them saying that they are the best Christians ever.

    • janecita

      What a fucking asshole!

    • Incoming Ham

      Let me guess: she says she is a christian first, mother second, republican third.

      That’s what it sounds like.

    • TJ Barke

      The “moral majority”, everyone.

  • Joe Beese

    If the McCain news has made you soft, listening to the audio of Trump whining about how Sessions was “very unfair to the President” by not pre-announcing that he would recuse himself will put the hate back in your heart.

    https://www.nytimes.com/video/us/politics/100000005285371/donald-trump-interview-sessions-comey.html

    • DrBigHead

      I think I am going to let that pass for the night. My rage levels are actually pretty low right now.

  • Joe Beese

    How many roads must a man walk down? It’s really hard to say.

    https://twitter.com/seanhannity/status/887839481411248133

    • TJ Barke

      When he stops doing things worthy of attacks, I would guess, Lumpy, you stupid fucking meathead.

    • Alex Grey

      When he stops making it so easy?

    • Delu

      Fulfill your promise to get waterboarded, on national TV, and for charity Hannity and we MIGHT consider……

    • DainBramage

      Is hash tagging yourself in your own tweets a thing? Seems pathetic.

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        It is, like upvoting yourself.

        • DainBramage

          I love catching trolls doing that.

    • Left Coast Tom

      What about us San Francisco Bay elites? We demand equal time to our southern neighbors!

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      This man is so snowflake, school is constantly out (this joke works much better during the winter).

    • Jenny

      Oooo hollywood bogeyman tonight? That Obamacare failure must STING!
      !

    • cmd resistor

      So if we hurry can we get on the show and give him some more examples?

  • Nounverb911
    • Parakeetist

      To Anndroid: go fuck yourself.

    • Joe Beese

      Next week: “How Delta Airlines Murdered Christ”

      • DrBigHead

        I got caught in a rainstorm on the way home. Was that Delta’s fault too?

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      She’s lost what little she had. Next “how delta gassed kids in syria”

    • data_ninja

      Just put her on the B Ark with the pay phone sanitizers and let’s be done with her already.

      • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

        And if you ask her what you get when you multiply 6 by 9…

    • Delu

      Butthurt sure lasts long with these eternally victimized Trumpian snowflakes eh?

      • Alex Grey

        A chronic and preexisting condition.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      SHE’S LOST HER FUCKING MIND!!!

      Sorry, I felt caps were needed to offset the cra-cray.

      • Jamoche

        “What a waste it is to lose one’s mind, or not to have a mind is being very wasteful, how true that is.”

        Dan Quayle is turning into a prophet in retrospect.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Implies preexisting mind to lose.

    • ltmcdies

      put down the crack pipe Ann.

    • Juan de Fuca
    • TJ Barke

      Corporations can do whatever they want in your fantasyland, Ann. You made your bed, now you can fucking lie in it.

    • natoslug

      Get off the fucking cross, Ann, we need the wood!

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      Screeching at people won’t make them any more likely to listen to you, dumbass.

      • ltmcdies

        won’t get you out of economy class either…you dumb bitch…

      • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

        Isn’t there a name for those female birds that just screech and screech?

    • sw19covfefe

      Maybe she should get a brain scan too.

      Just saying.

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        Probably need an endoscope.

      • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

        That would require a colonoscopy.

    • Left Coast Tom

      If she can write an idiotic (I assume idiotic because Ann Coulter) column about her $30 seat fucktussle, in addition to all the time she’s spent tweeting nonsense, it’s obvious her claim that she spent $10K of “time value” “carefully selecting her seat” can only be true if she meant the Zimbabwe Dollar (apparently 1 USD is worth 35 quadrillion ZWD).

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω
    • Ryan Denniston

      They also collaborated with the Nazis and like to kick puppies in their offtime.

      • TJ Barke

        Collaborating with the nazis would be a plus in Ann’s book…

      • ltmcdies

        I hear they were on the Grassy Knoll with Ted’s dad

        • Ryan Denniston

          Awesome!

        • Alex Grey

          I bet they are also the Zodiac killer!

          • Johnatx

            No. That is Ted Cruz.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          And they perpetrated the Bowling Green Massacre

          • ltmcdies

            Okay I snort laughed at that LOL

    • Anna Rompage

      Yes Ann, a second rate airline wrecked the nations healthcare system!

      Way to go! I think you jumped the shark!

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        She’s paddling amongst rays right now.

        • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

          She’s no Steve Irwin.

      • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

        And I don’t think she stuck the landing.

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      Okay, I actually tried to read it. I’m not sure what it was actually about – something about car reservations? Complaining about how words are being redefined (and the hypocrisy of THAT burned out another irony meter)? ‘Choosing’ to not pay your entire annual income for health care? Whatever it was, it wasn’t worth abusing all those poor capital letters.

    • Juan de Fuca

      Breaking…
      Doctors Have Discovered Correlation of Recent Gonorrhea Outbreak and People Flying Delta Airlines While Seated Next to Ann Coulter.

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        It must be true! I read it on the internets!

        • janecita

          Me too! Definitely true.

          • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

            People have been saying it.

    • Jenny

      New column no one fucking cared about before you made a 1st class trump of yourself? Maybe you’ll finally make up that 10k you’re out of you hagbag?

    • janecita

      “Dear Ann, buy yourself a nice dildo. A good orgasm does wonders for pent up stress. I’d tell you to get yourself a boyfriend, but you are bitch and nobody likes you:-)”

      Sincerely yours

      Janet

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      I’m wondering if someone else may have brain cancer.

      • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

        Is it someone with a brain?

        • Mehmeisterjr

          No, but it is someone with an enlarged ego.

  • vivian

    Ideally, since DJT’s only noteworthy skill seems to be shooting himself in the foot, the commission will reach the conclusion that the only electoral fraud was in PA, MI and WI and that as a result the election results are invalid.

  • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

    Copywriting “This Is Our Watch” baseball caps as we speak.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Copyright*

      Copywriting basically means you’re composing the sales pitch for the ad campaign.

      • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

        Well, maybe I’m in sales. Did you ever think of that? Hmm?

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω
    • yyyaz

      I want to see the crying and hug at the end. ; )

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        I don’t think Donnie Two Scoops will be getting any hugs …