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Bad news, everyone! You have a reading assignment. It’s the first major book written about the 2016 campaign (we’re not counting Shattered, the hitjob book about how everything is Hillary Clinton’s fault, because she committed the crime of being Hillary Clinton), and it is called Devil’s Bargain: Steve Bannon, Donald Trump, and the Storming of the Presidency, written by Bloomberg reporter Joshua Green. (We already wrote about it last week, when New York Magazine published an excerpt. But the actual book was released today, therefore we have delicious REVIEWS, chock full of juicy tidbits about the inner workings of the Trump campaign, minus the obvious Russian conspiracy parts.)

New York Times climate change denier Bret Stephens calls the book “compulsively readable.” Newsweek calls it “addictive, if not definitive,” as well as “not especially good” and “you won’t be able to put it down.” Sold! Or not!

As Newsweek explains, much of the book is Steve Bannon’s biography. ZZZZZZ. We’ve been over that before. We know how he brought that special neo-Nazi flavor to Dead Breitbart, and how he groused over sending his kids to school with Jews. We know he once said only property owners should be able to vote. He thinks women who go to good Northeastern colleges are “a bunch of dykes.” He’s a “Leninist” who worked at Goldman Sachs and invested in “Seinfeld” like a common liberal elite, but actually he hates liberal elites, because they all find him pimply and unfuckable. BORING.

But there are other fun nuggets in the book, and The Daily Mail does a really good job of picking them out. For instance, this thing about Donald Trump getting offended by Chris Christie’s gross sticky cell phone on election night makes us want to read the book FAR MORE than Steve Bannon’s history of being a racist sentient badger shart:

Trump was in his War Room on election night when it started to look like he would pull off his shock victory.

The book says that ‘although he was surrounded by friends, aides and family members, there seemed to be a force field around him that discouraged a direct approach’.

Friends started congratulating Mike Pence instead and saluting him as ‘Mr Vice President’.

Trump sat down to ‘absorb the gravity of what was happening’ and a moment later Christie ‘burst through the force field and sat next to him’.

Christie said: ‘Hey Donald. The President talked to me earlier’ – the two had gotten to know each other after Superstorm Sandy. Christie said: ‘If you win he’s going to call my phone, and I’ll pass it over to you’.

Trump ‘flashed a look of annoyance, clearly resenting the intrusion’ and was repulsed by the idea of having somebody else’s phone next to his face.

Trump told Christie: ‘Hey Chris, you know my f***ing phone number. Just give it to the President. I don’t want your f***ing phone’.

Aides said that Christie’s move was the ‘ultimate mistake’ and one from which he ‘wouldn’t recover’.

That’s right, because Chris Christie’s phone is probably covered in STINKY SNACK CRUMBS. Anyway, that was allegedly the beginning of the end for Trump and Christie. Of course, as the Mail points out, Jared Kushner ultimately fired Christie, partially because he holds a grudge against him for putting his disgusting criminal dad in prison.

The book also reveals that part of why campaign manager Paul Manafort was fired — aside from how the media was starting to scrutinize all his Russian connections — is that Trump got very upset about a New York Times article that said his campaign was a fuckshow and that his aides had to communicate with him through the TV to get his attention. We thought that was common knowledge, but oh boy, it hurt Trump’s feelings. Here’s Trump screaming at Manafort at his New Jersey Bedminster estate:

Trump shouted at Manafort: ‘How can anybody allow an article that says your campaign is all f***ed up?

‘You think you’ve gotta go on TV to talk to me? You treat me like a baby!

‘Am I like a baby to you? I sit there like a little baby and watch TV and you talk to me? Am I a f***ing baby, Paul?’

If the onesie fits.

The Daily Beast flags another interesting tidbit from the book. Apparently, despite Trump’s insistence that he won the 2016 election because he was so awesome, his campaign was well aware that the infamous James Comey memo about Hillary Clinton’s “new” emails was a big reason Trump ultimately won. In fact, “some of Trump’s pollsters and data gurus” wrote an internal memo about it:

“The last few days have proven to be pivotal in the minds of voters with the recent revelations in reopening the investigation of Secretary Clinton,” the memo read, according to Green. “Early polling numbers show declining support for Clinton, shifting in favor of Mr. Trump.”

It added: “This may have a fundamental impact on the results.”

Despite Trump’s general awesomeness and the effects of the Comey memo (COUGH! and Russia COUGH!), the book says everybody was still shocked when Trump won. In fact, according to the Daily Beast, the book describes Steve Bannon’s charming final solution strategy for the end of the campaign, and it doesn’t include #winning:

“Our backup strategy,” he said of Clinton, according to Green, “is to fuck her up so bad that she can’t govern. If she gets 43 percent of the vote, she can’t claim a mandate.”

Later, Bannon added: “My goal is that by November 8, when you hear her name, you’re gonna throw up.”

God, he’s such a sweetheart.

Wonkette’s official review of this book is “We haven’t read it yet but if one of our readers wants to buy it for us as a present that’s cool. Or just send us money.”

Wonkette salaries are fully funded by readers like you! If you love us, click below to fund us!

[Newsweek / New York Times / Daily Mail / The Daily Beast]

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  • Joe Beese

    ‘Am I like a baby to you? I sit there like a little baby and watch TV and you talk to me? Am I a f***ing baby, Paul?’

    Truth hurts, don’t it.

    • La forza del resistino

      Manafort did make a career as a yes man after all.

      • leemoder

        Da.

  • leemoder

    Following up on Evan’s title…

    Water’s wet.

    • BreakingDeadMen

      DAMN, you beat me to it. I wasn’t expecting that.

      • leemoder

        So glad I got of of bed today.

  • Scooby

    OK, so Joe Pesci will play Trump in the movie.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Ha ha…see my comment above.

    • BreakingDeadMen

      Jon Lovitz.

  • Joe Beese
  • Mr. Blobfish

    Would you want Christie’s phone next to your face?

  • Belasaurius

    I just can’t. Normally I love books about campaigns, but in this case, I’d rather read the fucking Twilight series.

    • AJ Milne

      In the next Batman movie, the Joker forces a desperate, terrified room full of hostages to choose between a group reading of this or Gingrich’s 1945.

    • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

      You MONSTER!

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      I couldn’t watch West Wing during its initial run because I just couldn’t abide anything that even smelled of politics. But once Obama was elected I watched it on reruns and loved it. Maybe by 2025 or so you’ll be able to read this one, which is still a better love story than Twilight.

      • Three Finger Salute

        I didn’t get to see it while it was on either. I’ve found some clips on YouTube and now I want to see the whole show. If only because I can be content with the knowledge that Sam Seaborn ended up becoming the PM of Canada. 😊

  • Nounverb911
  • La forza del resistino

    Editrix asked me to fix your headline, Evan.
    ‘Both Steve Bannon and Chris Christie are Gross Assholes’

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    This sounds familiar for some reason:
    “Funny? You think I’m funny? How am I funny? Am I like a clown to you? Do I amuse you?”

  • Joe Beese

    Republicans spent years calling and voting for repeal-only, secure in the knowledge that Barack Obama would veto it, meaning they would not be forced to grapple with the consequences of it actually happening. Now Trump is demanding that Republicans vote for repeal on the understanding that he would sign it immediately, with no guarantee of any replacement later. Whether he knows it or not, Trump is calling their years-long bluff.

    It’s unclear from the reporting why McConnell is pushing this: Perhaps he believes it can actually pass, or perhaps he believes he needs to demonstrate to conservative groups and base voters that straight repeal cannot pass, so that he can move on to negotiations with Democrats over ways to shore up the individual markets without cutting taxes on the rich and dramatically slashing the ACA’s historic coverage expansion. Or perhaps McConnell has some other devious strategy to come back to a repeal vote that we don’t know about.

    But whatever his thinking, the upshot of holding this vote, should it fail, will be to reveal that Republicans were never actually willing to repeal the ACA as long as they thought it would never actually happen. The whole thing was a scam all along — Republicans promised to repeal the ACA and replace it with something that did all the good things in it (the coverage expansion; the consumer protections) without the bad (the taxes; the mandates), but they never had any way of doing anything like that.

    This would also be a fitting end because it would unmask Trump’s own long-running scam. Trump sent strong signals during the campaign that he is not ideologically in sync with Paul Ryan’s designs on the safety net; he promised not to cut Medicaid; and he vowed “insurance for everybody.” But then Trump and the White House fully embraced an enormously cruel and regressive Ryanesque rollback of the ACA’s coverage gains. They employed endless lies and distortions to cover up their own bill’s true ideological designs. But now that this failed, Trump is demanding a vote on something even more cruel and regressive — full repeal — solely because he is so eager to triumphantly stomp all over something with Obama’s name on it and call that a “win.” That’s all this was ever about, and that is now confirmed.

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/plum-line/wp/2017/07/18/raging-over-health-bills-failure-trumps-next-move-will-be-even-more-cruel/

    • BreakingDeadMen

      It’s so cute, the author thinks Republicans are rational and capable of being persuaded by obvious horseshit like facts and logic.

    • Ryan Denniston

      They’re just fucking incompetent at governing. The whole lot of them.

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        Thankfully

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      It would have been political suicide for them to have actually passed their turdburger of a bill. I was surprised they didn’t just give up after the House vote, and say “welp, we tried.” That would have been enough for their idiot voters, who do NOT share their ideology any way. The majority of lower middle class Republicans I know, vote out of pure racism. They don’t vote for Republicans because they think billionaires are overtaxed, and health care should be more expensive. They vote for the GOP because they’re opposed to welfare queens getting free Obamaphones, and Messicans stealing their fruit picking and construction jobs.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        If they passed the repeal and delayed it until 2019, that would make it an issue in the midterm elections. That should work out well for the Republicans.

    • La forza del resistino

      Sec Price is on the record for ‘let’s just go back to 2008 and pretend ACA never happened’.
      Bankruptcies, pre-existing declines – good times.
      You’re in charge of Health and Human Services idiot.

      • Resistance Ftr PuckStopsHere

        A man who believes that the government should play no role in either health or helping people is in charge of the Department of Health and Human Services.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Always bet on the devious strategy.

  • Ryan Denniston

    “Aides said that Christie’s move was the ‘ultimate mistake’ and one from which he ‘wouldn’t recover’”

    And now Elaine Chao is Secretary of Transportation.

    • BreakingDeadMen

      Yeah, transportation is really Christie’s natural area of expertise.

      • therblig

        forklift to the helicopter to the limo to his son’s baseball game. i’d say that’s multi-modal

  • schmannity

    On a brighter note, Trump has shit on everyone likely to flip to Mueller, so 1 + 1 = karma.

    • La forza del resistino

      Imagine the number of tie downs the polygraph would need if they ever hook Donald up.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Insert picture of polygraph machine melting.

      • schmannity

        How can you get a baseline when everything he says is a lie, including the and and?

        • La forza del resistino

          Mr Trump, ‘were you born in Queens. NY’ Then he is offended asked to provide a birth certificate.

      • Crystalclear12

        “President Trump was sent to the hospital today with minor burns after an attempt was made to use a polygraph on him during questioning.”

  • Crystalclear12

    No, no, nope, not going to read a book about a bunch of dicks that doesn’t involve porn.

    Nope.

    • folderol

      Not even on a beach, an entire beach, just you and your family?

    • Gayer Than Thou

      I find those dicks impossible to fap to.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      I reserved Al Franken’s book from my library. When I put the reservation in, there were 56 people ahead of me.

  • Ryan Denniston

    That Trump fellow sure does a lot of screaming for a grown man. It’s almost as if he’d have been happier if he could just let some shit slide.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k8TwRmX6zs4

    • calliecallie

      OMFG I really miss Obama!!!!!11!!

  • Michael Smith

    Trump also wouldn’t like the implication that Christie is better connected to Obama, and that Trump can speak with Obama only because Christie is willing to let Trump use his phone.

    Come on, that’s really some high school shit Christie. And you should know that Trump is obsessed with the optics and psychology of male dominance, he was never going to use your phone to talk to the President.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Honestly? I’d probably be annoyed too. I’m the one who just won the presidency (well, “won,” but you get where I’m headed), not you. He can call me, not you.

    • Persistent Demme

      Yep.
      Christie somehow didn’t realize that his bullying move backfired because he tried it on someone who’s a bigger bully than he is.

  • cmd resistor

    Well, it’s true I have at least wanted to throw up A LOT since November 8.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    “Now go home and get your fucking shinebox.”

  • Nounverb911
  • Belasaurius

    say you know what else Chris Christie sticks in peoples faces?

    • President in Exile Firefly

      No, and I don’t want to know.

    • AJ Milne

      His resume?

  • President in Exile Firefly

    To be fair, Chris Christie’s phone is made out of Oreos.

    • TJ Barke

      I thought it was one of those plastic ones full of jelly beans…

      • Jeffery Campbell

        It’s a Haribo Gummi (TM) phone.

  • It’s only fair since by November 8th Bannon’s face had been making me throw up for years

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    This is the clearest evidence that they did not expect to win. None of them – Donnie Two Scoops, Bannon, Pence, none of them. It was going to be about destroying Hillary Clinton’s ability to govern and make money off of conservative outrage. That was the plan – a 4-year scam on the rubes. So of course they have no idea what to do – this was not in the plan!

    • Edith Prickly

      Yup. Fucking shit up is easy, governing is haaaard.

    • Randy Riddle

      Gifts from Moscow are really the gifts that keep on giving, aren’t they?

    • Gayer Than Thou

      If nothing else, I certainly hope Twitler’s presidency destroys the conservative angertainment industry.

      • Covfefe’s Evil Twin

        At the rate we’re producing rubes in this country, that is a lofty hope.

    • calliecallie

      If they did not expect to win, that kind of concerns me. Because Putin clearly did intend for Trump to win. So did they not think Putin could pull it off? Did they not know? Because I don’t want the latter. I want them to have known what Putin was up to, to have endorsed it, to have aided and abetted. And then I want them all to go to jail.
      So now I have to ask myself if some aspect of this book is intended to sow doubt about what they knew.
      I just remind myself of Trump’s statement during the primary about how he could shoot somebody on 5th Avenue and still get the votes. That sounds to me like someone who knows the system is rigged.
      Please, Mr. Mueller, I am so tired of waiting. I know you want to be thorough, but can you please give me something to hope for, some tidbit, a teaser for the main event? Please?

  • cmd resistor

    OT, but I went to Trump’s FB page to
    see his schedule for the day (seems like a consistent place to find it) and noticed that the Trump campaign hats are 20% OFF! Yay. This is not the official president page, so I suppose it’s ok, I’m sure. Anyway, it is a beautiful schedule.
    Daily intelligence briefing
    Meeting with National Security Advisor H.R. McMaster
    Phone call with Sultan Qaboos bin Said al Said of Oman
    Lunch with service members
    Cabinet Affairs meeting

    • President in Exile Firefly

      That’s a tough schedule. When does the man ever sleep?

      • elviouslyqueer

        Please. You think he’s actually awake in these meetings?

    • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

      Interesting that they’re blatantly calling his “Fox and Friends” time a “Daily Intelligence Briefing” now.

    • TundraGrifter

      “Cabinet Affairs meeting”

      Is Corey still banging Hope Hicks?

      • cmd resistor

        Is that different from a Cabinet meeting, which would require them all to suck up again and say how wonderful it is to work for him?

      • PubOption

        Is Hope Hicks still working for Trump?

        • TundraGrifter

          I believe so. She shows remarkable intelligence by staying below the radar.

    • calliecallie

      I have more meetings than that on my calendar for today, plus an appointment with a therapist and a Tom Petty concert tonight. Geez.

      • cmd resistor

        He’ll probably have to make some stupid remarks at the Lunch thingy about how much he loves the vets.

      • janecita

        I hate you! I wanna see Tom Petty!

      • arglebargle

        I’m going to see a CCR cover band. You win.

        • Jeffery Campbell

          There’s a bathroom on the right….

    • Dick St. Dipshit

      Cabinet Affairs is code for prostate massage.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Woah! Slow down, Big Fella. You’ll never make eight years at that pace.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Since we’ve established that he has an attention span of about 15 seconds, this covers about 1 1/2 hours of the day.

    • Gigglesnort

      Then a nap. Then watching TV and yelling at it. Then late-night Twitter storm.

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      Geez, I’m busier than that most days and I’m retired.

  • TundraGrifter

    “Funny how? What’s funny about it? . . . Let me understand this: Maybe I’m a little fucked up. But I’m funny how? Funny like I’m a clown? I amuse you? I make you laugh? I’m here to fucking amuse you? What do you mean, funny? How am I funny?

    “You said it. You said I’m funny. How the fuck am I funny? What the fuck is so funny about me? Tell me what’s funny.”

  • Bub, Zombie in mourning

    Trump shouted at Manafort: ‘How can anybody allow an article that says your campaign is all f***ed up?
    ‘You think you’ve gotta go on TV to talk to me? You treat me like a baby!
    ‘Am I like a baby to you? I sit there like a little baby and watch TV and you talk to me? Am I a f***ing baby, Paul?’

    Just think how differently things might have turned out if only someone had changed Donnie’s diaper. We all know how tetchy babies get after sitting in their own waste for a few hours.

    • Ghenghis McCann

      How may decades has Donnie been sitting in his own waste?

      • Bub, Zombie in mourning

        Now the whole goddamn country gets to sit in it.

      • Vincent Ricola

        AOTK.

  • Randy Riddle

    “Am I a f***ing baby?”

    “Why, yes, you are. Hasn’t anyone bothered to tell you that to your face for the past fifty years?”

    • Beanz&Berryz

      If you have to fucking ask, Donnie ….

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Right?! If somebody had the guts or decency to give Dumbass a little tough love at some point earlier in his life, he might have turned out a bit less of an egomaniacal bastard. Instead, we got stuck with him running for President as the ultimate ego trip and actually winning it because Americans are stupid, our EC is a sham, and Comey and Pooty did a nice job ratfucking all of us.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter
  • canes_pugnaces

    A repulsive man, in a repulsive White House, from a repulsive party.

  • elviouslyqueer

    That book cover alone has probably killed any boners I might get for at least a year.

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    Too soon for me to read. I still have dreams.

    • P’jama Pahnts

      I’m just barely back to even reading Wonkette. I couldn’t take anything even remotely political for a long time.

  • TJ Barke

    Life is an Onion article now…

  • DainBramage

    Maybe I’ll be able to read this book in a few years. I don’t think I could handle it yet.
    On the other hand, I read Al Franken’s new book, and it is great.

    • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

      I completely agree, on both points.

  • cats530

    “That’s right, because Chris Christie’s phone is probably covered in STINKY SNACK CRUMBS.”

    Meh. No worse than The Donald’s KFC grease from his tiny orange sausage-like fingers.

  • schmannity

    At the risk of agreeing with Trump, imagine how sticky Christie’s phone is.

  • MynameisBlarney

    https://www.democraticunderground.com/10029339421

    Been saying this for years.
    Though it needs to be said in the media and shouted from the highest rooftop.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Yes. I’ve started calling Mitch what he is: McTraitor. I’m just one old woman shouting on the internet, but it makes me feel better.

  • Belasaurius

    wait wait wait, so offering his phone to Donnie is what destroyed Christie. Trump’s skin is so thin I’m surprised his blood doesn’t just flow out onto the ground

  • Vincent Ricola

    “Am I like a baby to you? I sit there like a little baby and watch TV and you talk to me? Am I a f***ing baby, Paul?”

    Hahahaha. Sold.

    • cats530

      He’s not really a baby, but more of a temper-tantrum prone, 3 a.m. Twittering orange toddler.

    • DainBramage
    • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

      “Am I a f***ing baby?” he said, while throwing a tantrum.

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      Substitute “Clown” for “baby” and you’ve got Goodfellas.

    • Frank Underboob

      I want to believe that John Oliver’s “Catheter Man” ads on Fox have been messing with his head.

    • Jgb979

      Yes

      Yes you are.

      Weird how you didn’t know this

  • Crank Tango

    I don’t get why Christie’s phone was next to his face if Obama hadn’t called yet.

    No wait, I don’t care.

  • janecita

    And this is why, I still fucking hate Comey! Fucking asshole gave us this clown show. I hope that he has apocalyptic nightmares every night, for the rest of his life.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      IKR? Seeing him humiliated by Twitler wasn’t enough for me, either. I want him to live a long life with constant regret for his part in utterly destroying this nation.

    • Vincent Ricola

      Yeah. Comey fucked up and redemption is still a long, long, long way away.

      • Bebecca

        there is no possible redemption. We have the republicans in some form for at least the next 3.5 years and all the havoc they will bring to the US and world. he changed the course of history. Even if it’s only Supreme Court justices, we’re doomed.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      Yeah, I never really understood how everyone’s new, weird crush [looks in Evan’s direction] on Comey when he was testifying synced with the fact that *he fucked us all because he wanted to cover his own ass*.

      He could singlehandedly take down Trump (not that he will) and still not break even.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      He did say that he felt nauseous when he realized he helped Trump get elected. Gee, that’s funny, that’s how the rest of us feel, too.

      • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

        Oh not even that: he said he felt nauseous that people might think that the FBI helped get Trump elected. He’d never actually leave his ass uncovered.

      • Bebecca

        and have since 11-9.

    • BigCSouthside

      Without Comey , she wins. End of story

  • Anna Elizabeth, Invicta

    I don’t need a book by a fucking journalist to tell me that Bannon, et al. are fucking criminal scumbags.

    • Crank Tango

      Oh well, you’ll read my four volume set about the wetness of water tho, right?

      • Anna Elizabeth, Invicta

        I’ll put it on the list, I have to finish the book about how Space is large, first.

        Jesus *fucking* a Donkey, are there no limits to the arrogance of the media class?

        • Gayer Than Thou

          I feel like this is a trick question…

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      Same. I have about as much emotional need to revisit election night as I do taking a running dive into a bath of razor blades.

      • Anna Elizabeth, Invicta

        If these fucking journalists had been doing their fucking *jobs* rather than being corporate whores, we might not be in this sorry state at this time.

        There will be a reckoning, “journalists”. You can fucking *bet* on that.

        • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

          I feel the same, but every time I go back over all that stuff it just sends me into a dark, hateful place. Like the conversation I had with a friend where we basically agreed that Hillary would be president if Bill had dropped dead on January 1st, 2016.

          • Anna Elizabeth, Invicta

            Hate is a good thing. And I sincerely hate the media class in,our benighted nation.

  • Daniel Hooper

    “Juicy summer reading for you!”

    Anything involving those two IS bound to be moist. Sweaty, cold, gross, and probably infected, but yes, juicy in a sense as well.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    So the restaurant Koi that was operating in Trump’s Soho Hotel is closing due to lack of business. Gee, I guess pissing off over half of the country isn’t a great business strategy.

    • P’jama Pahnts

      Maybe he kept coming in and showing his ass.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        “Oh, waiter, can you come over here for a minute? I definitely did NOT order the Reagan baby butthole, AND my soup is cold.”

    • Jeffery Campbell

      That’s what happens when you name your restaurant after a inbred, bloated orange goldf…..wait.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Pepperidge Farm libelz!

      • PubOption

        The food was carp.

        • Jeffery Campbell

          For. The. Win!

        • Nockular cavity

          “It’s a carp!”
          -Admiral Ackbar

    • HooverVilles

      He’s making up for the loss with all the predisential grifting.

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        Bet it isn’t staying in his wallet long. But the question is, is he paying off the principle or just covering the vig?

  • Wild Cat

    “Hey, Chris! Bend over, babe. That’s a good stromboli. I want to show Steve here how this great scene from ‘Deliverance’ went!”

    • Jeffery Campbell

      “Squeal like a pig, boy.”

  • Anna Rompage

    And in other news today, it appears Trump & Tillerson are going to let the State Department’s Office of cyberspace die

    “This would mean the United States would be the only major country without a
    lead diplomat to discuss cyber norms and trying to reduce the ever-escalating cyberattacks we see around the world.” Not to mention, it will allow Russian & China to become even more prevalent in the cyberscape of the world’s internet…

    http://www.politico.com/tipsheets/morning-cybersecurity/2017/07/18/top-state-cyber-official-to-exit-leaving-myriad-questions-221386

    • TJ Barke

      It’s almost as if they were installed by a hostile foreign power to undermine American influence on the world stage…

      • HooverVilles

        Almost?

    • Three Finger Salute

      Well, he did say the cyber is incredible, so incredible that only Barron — who is really great with it — could figure it out.

      Maybe Barron didn’t want to take the job.

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        And yet he wore that ‘EXPERT’ shirt.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    Burn Before Reading

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    I feel a little sorry for this author. He’s going to sell a TON of these books . . . in about ten years, when people can stomach the subject matter.

  • Jgb979

    Gosh!

    Next you’re going to tell me Donald might be kind of an idiot!

    He did reportedly callHouse Paul Ryan “a limp-dick motherfucker who was born in a petri dish at the Heritage Foundation,”

    So I guess even Satan with his acid excreting hot tub can be accurate

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      That seems a bit too overly complex and actually informed to have come from Donald (does he even know what the Heritage Foundation is?). My guess is that Bannon said that and Trump repeated it.

      • Zyxomma

        It’s a Bannon quote.

    • Frank Underboob

      I made a similar comment to yours in an unrelated social medium, because credit where it’s due, Bannon’s observation really is on the money.

  • BigCSouthside

    If there’s not multiple chapters dedicated to the fucking Mercers this book is incomplete

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      Rebekah Mercer seems to be suffering from some form of male pattern baldness.

      • Zyxomma

        It’s probably low thyroid, and it couldn’t happen to a more suitable specimen of inhumanity.

  • Paperless Tiger

    Considering that Trump has already been thoroughly exposed as a fraud, a criminal, a traitor, a misogynist, a racist, etc., is another exposé really going to make a difference?

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      No.
      – 36% of Americans

      • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

        I – can’t really upvote this.

  • BigCSouthside

    A lot of these angry trump quotes seem too lucid to be from him

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      But I’ll bet you can hear them in his voice.

  • Can “Am I a fucking baby, Paul?” be the next “All of them, Katie”? Pretty please?

  • miss_grundy

    The only goal that Bannon has achieved is that everyone throws up when they hear Dolt 45’s name. And boy howdy are they sorry they didn’t go out and vote for Hillz.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      Not quite yet, Hillary is still the default excuse for Republicans who are embarrassed they voted for Trump. The “corruption” and “lawlessness” and “BENGHAZZIII” and all that.

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        The smarter ones are entering the “I voted for Gary Johnson” phase. In a few more months, it will look like Johnson should’ve won, with all the people admitting they actually voted for him.

    • TundraGrifter

      I don’t think regret has set in among “The Base.” Very base, actually.

      Most seem caught in the first stage – Denial.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        I do think, and hopefully they’re as incompetent at setting up their thousand-year reich as they are at everything else so this will make a difference, that a bunch of people who voted for him or stayed home are starting to realize that they’re not the base.

        • TundraGrifter

          I’ll agree with you about those who didn’t vote. Many of those who did are fairly adamantine. As I’ve said before, the truth can’t change their deeply held views, opinions and beliefs because they aren’t fact-based.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            But his rock-bottom number is a lot smaller than the number who voted for him, something that those eternal Trump voter interviews and polls are designed to elide. He didn’t win, and support among the number who held their nose has eroded badly now that they’ve seen how anxious he is to gore their oxen.

            I think if the Democrats go through with the initiative to run combat veterans we’ll see some surprising outcomes.

  • Three Finger Salute

    That picture is sure to rile up both of those macho douchebros.

    “Why can’t I quit you”?

    • JustDon’tSaySortMyBalls

      EEEEEEEWWWWWWWW!!!!!!1111eleven

  • Les Appentis De la résistance

    That book needs a plain brown book cover over it.

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    Bannon. Fuck. This guy would shit on Jesus to make a buck. And Trump would hold him down while his family laughed.

  • BigCSouthside

    So according to WaPo the eighth person at the meeting is ID’d. For those keeping score at home:

    1.) son of the candidate, who has done business with Russians
    2.) son in law of candidate, who has business with Russians
    3.) campaign chair, who was a political operative for Russian interests
    4.) Russian attorney with ties to Kremlin
    5.) an agent of a Russian oligarch’s son
    6.) a Russian American agent with cyber warfare background
    7.) an American representive of the Russian oligarch’ company, who are business partners with the candidate
    8.) a Russian translator

    I’m sure it was an innocent meeting

  • Verena Block

    I just got the audiobook from Audible. The narrator is the same guy who narrated The Emperor of All Maladies, a book on the history of cancer. He did a great job narrating that book, and I’m sure he’ll do well with a book about this new cancer.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      I’m really peeved that Amazon isn’t letting you lend or give gifts from Audible any more.

      • kareemachan

        They aren’t? Crap.

        (not snark, just sad, considering that Amazon is making what’s-his-name the richest man in the world)

  • MamaBrown

    Steal this book. No really. Steal it.

    • SDGeoff3

      Will Trump pay my legal fees if I’m caught?

      • Nockular cavity

        If you punch the book, yes.

  • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

    If Dok or Evan or Your Editrix or 5$F had written it, I’d buy it. I’m on a diet, but not going to make myself barf for some rando author.
    Also, I sincerely believe that the 2016 election is going to be remembered as one of the worst disasters in American history. No need to relive it.

    • JustDon’tSaySortMyBalls

      IK,R? My liver is already taking a beating.

  • SomeBigRedDog

    I will be re shelving them all in the horror section of my local library.

    Reading, not so much. A dogs stomach is only so strong.

  • JMP

    “‘Am I like a baby to you? I sit there like a little baby and watch TV and you talk to me? Am I a f***ing baby, Paul?’”

    Yes.

  • Khavrinen

    “Shocking New Book Says Steve Bannon Is Asshole, Chris Christie Is Gross”

    Is there anything in there about the Pope being Catholic? And where bears go to take a dump?

    • Pisto75666

      Or water being wet? Christmas being in December?

      • puredog

        Fire — Hot? Or not?

        • SeeTrain65

          Or the grass being brown? Or the sky being gray?

          Must just be here.

  • goonemeritus

    I need a little time an distance from todays realities before I can immerse myself in such a book. I should be ready during Elizabeth Warren’s second presidential term.

  • thewalkindude

    Well, nobody can be wrong 100% of the time-

    According to Mr Green, Mr Bannon flew off the handle when he learned of a Republican plot to install Mr Ryan as the presidential nominee at the 2016 Republican National Convention.

    At the headquarters of his far-right publication, Breitbart News, Mr Bannon unloaded on Mr Ryan as a “limp-d**k motherf***** who was born in a petri dish at the Heritage Foundation,” a conservative think tank.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      He’s not wrong, lol

  • Lyly Sirivong

    Is this the actual cover ? Because there’s no way I’m inflicting that to fellow commuters.

    • puredog

      Brown paper jacket.

  • Manhattan123

    “You think you’ve gotta go on TV to talk to me? You treat me like a baby! Am I like a baby to you? I sit there like a little baby and watch TV and you talk to me? Am I a fucking baby, Paul?’”

    Correction: a fat fucking baby.

    • Notreelyhelping

      Did they cut the part where he beats his brains in with a baseball bat? Cause that’s what I remember about that scene. And something about enthusiasms.

      • Maureen

        Different scene, but same idea.

  • whitroth

    So he actually didn’t intend, or expect, to win. And he actually had a moment, towards the end of election night, where he realized just how deep he’d gotten himself in – not along the shore, but 1000km in the North Atlantic….

    But his ego rose to the occasion… and he’s peddling like mad, because he knows when he goes down, it’s gonna be for, like, 250 years in jail….

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    “‘Am I like a baby to you? I sit there like a little baby and watch TV and you talk to me? Am I a f***ing baby, Paul?’

    Ah, I see the problem, Trump learned outrage from Joe Pesci’s character in Goodfellas.

    • Maureen

      Yes! You think I’m a clown? You find me amusing? There’s a Goodfellas moment for just about everything. I never get sick of it.

    • Ωbjectifier

      When can we start playing Layla?

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      I thought exactly the same thing. He is Joe Pesci’s character, only without the charm, skills, and abilities.

      • Glitterboots

        LOL. And even the looks! And that’s saying something.

        • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

          Hahaha! Yes! I’ll have to amend my joke!

  • Canis Greyhame

    Well then, upon closer examination, it turns out there really is nothing inspirational about this administration.
    http://s2.quickmeme.com/img/8b/8bce00e2853c6e2114fa905d9e8feaba2ba1bc0753ab4c60a0ff55c99fb337a5.jpg

  • puredog

    Case of books. . .or money donation? How can you possibly decide?

  • Bitter Scribe

    That scene about Christie’s phone reminds me of the time Christie tried to get into a group hug in Jerry Jones’s press box after the Cowboys scored and got a stiff arm.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Christie is always and forever the insecure, often shunned fat kid who can’t get respect but can’t stop trying. The child is still the father of the alleged man.

      If he’d accept reality I’d have some sympathy for him. He can’t; I don’t.

  • Sid Pevear

    I want to know why we are not hearing more about Cambridge Analytica and the Mercers. It seems that these people are the catalyst for this entire attack on our democracy. The Mercers and the DeVos are in this neck deep.

    • Glitterboots

      Agree. Major news outlets should have good investigative reporters on this.

  • So, is the takeaway, here, that Trump didn’t really want it, Bannon didn’t expect Trump to get it, but everyone was just interested in fucking over Hillary Clinton? I don’t know why I should be surprised to find that was the fucking goal, but here we are…

    • SeeTrain65

      “Damn it, Bannon! What did you get me into?”

      “Don’t worry, sir. We can make up for it by using the office to enhance your meager wealth … I mean, your INCREDIBLE WEALTH!”

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      Well, it’s all about misogyny and always was, wasn’t it? The “She’s a Cunt” t-shirts were a bit of a hint.

      • Querolous

        Since Obama could not run again, by bashing Hillary he was bashing Obama’s surrogate. Misogyny was a bonus.

    • Glitterboots

      Just look at the video of him and his family at Trump Tower as they watched the returns. First, nobody looked happy (especially the Melania-bot), second, and really creepy, was he was standing behind a seated Ivanka, NOT Melania, clutching her shoulders. Ivanka was clearly his comfort pillow as he absorbed bad and terrifying news. And she continues to be.

  • Wes

    I almost feel bad for Christie. He bounds over to Trump like a happy energetic puppy and ol Donald punts him out of his inner circle.

    Almost.

    • Glitterboots

      Right. He was hilarious on Nicolle Wallace’s show yesterday, defending Trump like a lovestruck kid. She was incredulous at his loyalty. Christie is a putz.

      • 451 Byrnes

        Well, we all know what happened to Big Pussy…

  • Lefty Wright

    The minute I heard about the letter Comey sent to congress saying he was reopening the Clinton email investigation, I thought that doomed Clinton. Yet even today, most people claim it had little effect. It looks like the Trump campaign shares the same opinion as I do, though. While I did not want to see Comey fired, I think history books will show him as the biggest and last factor leading to a Trump presidency. And that the Trump presidency was the start of the U.S. falling from preeminence in the world to just another player. Sort of like the decline of the British Empire after WW II.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    So, Donnie fired Manafort because the press reported his campaign was a fuckshow and his staff had to communicate with him through the teevee.

    Why hasn’t he fired Rince Pubis for the same reason?

    • Ankyloglossia

      I think he believes Pubis has more power since he was head of the GOP. When the republican party falls apart, Pubis will be gone.

    • Frank Underboob

      * “Rinsed Pubis”

  • Pat_Pending

    Even though I’ve read other accountings of the shit show, Evan’s throbbing prose is still my favorite rendering.

  • Toledo Window Box

    Yes, you are a baby, Donald.

  • Frank Underboob

    With that cover, if I saw someone reading on the train, I’d assume that they were into Nazi slash fiction.

  • ryp

    Interesting that the fucking baby had no problem firing flunkies during the campaign, but since he’s occupied the White House he hasn’t fired anyone close to him, even though we are told regularly one or another of his toadies is on their way out.

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