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Can somebody please run over to the White House real fast and make sure Donald Trump isn’t locking Sean Spicer in the basement in the dark 24 hours a day, except for when he’s doing his off-camera briefings? Does Trump heave Spicer down into a dungeon and ignore him at all times, except to throw down a brick of cinnamon gum every couple of hours? Because that is the only explanation for what Spicer said during Monday’s off-camera briefing, about Trump Junior’s Russian Collusion Conspiracy Crime Meeting with the Russians:

During an off-camera briefing with reporters, Spicer claimed that “the president has made it clear through his tweet, and there was nothing as far as we know that would lead anyone to believe that there was anything except for a discussion about adoption,” referring to the original reason Trump Jr. gave for meeting with Russian lawyer Natalia Veselnitskaya.

Um.

So.

Did Sean Spicer read Fuckstump Junior’s emails, the ones he TWEETED FROM HIS PERSONAL ACCOUNT, where he was all “I LOVE IT!” when presented with the idea of inviting some Russians into his private spaces, to share conspiracy dirt about Hillary Clinton?

Did Sean Spicer watch Fiddledick J. Trump II on Sean Hannity that night, where he admitted how disappointed he was that the foreign Russians promised him the sickest “oppo research” on Hillary, but he (allegedly) didn’t get it?

Does Sean Spicer subscribe to Daddy Trump on Twitter?

Did Spicer not see Trump in Paris last week, when he said Junior is a very good little boy, and, similar to the tweet pasted above, he said everybody would have taken that Russian conspiracy crime meeting?

Was Sean Spicer dead last week, but has miraculously risen from the dead, like a common Son Of Man?

Did Spicer masturbate himself into a week-long coma and miss all the breaking news? If so, STOP THAT, SEAN SPICER, everything in moderation, bro!

Again, did he not see Junior’s emails? BUT HIS EMAILS, SEAN SPICER, BUT HIS EMAILS, BUT HIS EMAILS, BUT HIS EMAILS!

Man, we’d LOL right in Sean Spicer’s face if the Trump administration wasn’t full of pussies who are scared to face the press and the American people on camera.

Or maybe it’s the thing Steve Bannon said, and Spicer’s not doing on-camera briefings due to how he’s bigger than a common 400 pound New Jersey election hacker these days.

Whatever, here’s an open thread, for you to talk to each other, or not talk to each other. Your choice.

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  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    Yeah Spicy, get with the program. Donny Jr. colluded with the Russians, but both sides do it!

  • SomeBigRedDog

    Huh, I forgot that guy existed for the last week or so.

  • JMP

    Working for someone who constantly lies to you so that you can repeat those lies to the public can’t be good for his mental heal; the Press Secretary is always a rough thankless job, but working for The Racist Liar has got to be extremely taxing. Really I’m surprised he hasn’t just quit yet.

  • Picabo

    Is the {wonkbar][wonkbar] open?

    • Alt-dog

      Next time we have a drinky thingy I hope someone puts a {wonkbar][/wonkbar] banner over the area where drinks are being served.

      • Amy!

        {wonkbar]
        [/wonkbar]

        Tee Shirt! Tee Shirt! Tee Shirt!

  • Nodrama4mama

    I think that its time for one of the nice writers here to make us happy with some Macron/Trudeau/Obama fanfic. They can go sock shopping for all I care.

    • Maggielle

      Surfing together. Or catch and release fishing. I would like this very much.

      • Querolous

        Catch and release surfing!

  • bookish

    http://health.usnews.com/wellness/health-buzz/articles/2017-07-17/report-us-has-the-worst-health-care-system-compared-to-these-countries?google_editors_picks=true
    As the U.S. is embroiled in a bitter battle to overhaul its current health care system, a new report finds that the country has the worst health care system among high-income countries.

    America ranked last for overall performance and last or near last when it came to data points like access to care, administrative efficiency, equity and health care outcomes, according to a new report published Friday by the Commonwealth Fund, a private foundation that strives to improve health care in America. Paradoxically, the U.S. spends more money on health care compared to other high-income countries, which is notable given its poor performance, the report states.

    http://www.commonwealthfund.org/Publications/Fund-Reports/2017/Jul/Mirror-Mirror-International-Comparisons-2017

    • jesterpunk

      Yes but we have more guns then any other country so freedumb.

      • Amy!

        We should leverage this advantage, this achievement which is so much greater than other, lesser countries!

        A Modest Proposal for Triage: when patients show up, at hospitals, clinics, or doctors’ offices, each of those institutions should be equipped with a Positive Outcome Facilitator. Will this patient survive without costly support from the government, or (*shudder*) private enterprises, such as innocent, hard-working insurance agencies? If the answer is yes, shoot them. Note that it is very important that the wound be fatal; any wound which is not instantly fatal would surely be treated at costs to society, the state, and (*shudder*) innocent corporations that would make the stoutest heart quail! (note: quailing heart is a pre-existing condition; please cease submitting claims for this damaged instrument)

        Make Amercia Gunhappy Again! And again! and again! Hell, I’ve got at least sixteen rounds in the mag, let’s go another dozen times! Woo-hooo!

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      but choices! flexibility!

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      the idjit Trump voters will just say we were number one until Obamacare

    • Claire

      And people still insist, earnestly and without detectable irony, that the US has the best health care system in the world. Jesus.

      • MrTusks

        By that they mean doctors and insurance companies make unconscionably high amounts of money. Why do you think we have so many foreign medial professionals here? It’s not because they can learn the most or do the most good in America.

    • bupkus231

      I remember another time the Commonwealth Fund dissed the American health care system, back before the ACA – even without the rise of the Trumpanzee, the rightwing butthurt and denial was epic!

    • HogeyeGrex

      Hmm. Let’s see. What’s the other glaringly obvious difference between the US healthcare system and virtually every other high-income country’s?

      Tip of my tongue.

    • JoeChristmas

      And we spend three times what everybody else pays!!

      Freedom! Access!! Choice!!1!

  • Covfefe’s Evil Twin

    The ease with which these people tell outright lies is surreal.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Pssst, Sean. Those are last week’s lies. Keep up, son!

  • whitroth

    Don’t be silly, he wasn’t in the WH basement. He was hiding in… THE SHRUBBERY!

  • JMP

    Donnie got to play in a fire engine like a big boy today!

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DE9hf-fXUAE7s5V.jpg

    • jesterpunk
    • elviouslyqueer

      POTUS = Picture Of Toddler Utterly Stupiding.

      • OutOfOrbit

        That is stretching creativity.

        • redarmyzombie

          Perhaps, but it still fits.

    • TheGrandWazoo2

      “WAAAH! WAAAH! WAAAH!”

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      Could you imagine a picture of Barack Obama behaving that way? Pence looks like he’s ready to pull him out if he refuses to leave.

      • Bub, Zombie in mourning

        Pence sort of resembles a white-haired Richard Nixon in that pic. Look closely.

      • Roni Raven, Undercovfefe Agent

        “Where’s Pence when I need him?” sobbed Melania.

      • bookish

        As long as all eyes are on Trump, that’s the only thing that matters to him.

      • Fartknocker

        If that was my Engine I would have bitch slapped the driver-engineer who let that dunce onto my apparatus. That seat is reserved for sweet children, significant others, guests of the fire station, and all domestic animals. You never, ever, ever let a politician on your apparatus because they’ll use the fire service as a political pawn. Besides, the Secret Service told me no everytime I wanted to sit in the pilot’s seat of Air Force 1.

    • janecita

      My volunteer firefighter husband says, “Fucking asshole, doesn’t deserve to be in that truck.”

    • bupkus231

      This is his idea of a Photo op?

    • Opalescent Riddles

      If I’d been POTUS at that event in need of a photo op, the fire engines would not have been among my first priorities. I would have moved on the guitars like a bitch.

    • 45 on the Twitter Throne tomorrow morning:

      I am like a fireman. I survived all this Russia heat.like I am on an episode of Emergency One.

      To which @TeaPain will retweet:

      Well, Your Fired…

      and get a billion thumbs up.

      • Eileen Besse

        YOU WIN!

  • Scooby

    I think he meant adopting information from the Russians.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    “It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again”

    • Who’s Buffalo Bill in this scenario?

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        AOT,K

    • Bub, Zombie in mourning

      “Put the fucking election in the basket!”

  • Will someone please come to my place and finish the last of my packing?

    • janecita

      LOL, honey I don’t even do my own packing, I got married for that specific reason.

      • That almost sounds like a husband could be worth the effort

        • janecita

          Some of them are. Mine is very well trained.

          • Résistance Land Shark Ω

            We are trainable. At least, most of us. OK, some of us.

            Alright, alright! Like three in the whole US!

          • natoslug

            Some of us even knew toilet seat etiquette pre-marriage!

    • OutOfOrbit

      Official lock-out tomorrow?

      • Sort of. We still have possession until the 27th, but my mom wants to clean like a OCD germaphobe

        • OutOfOrbit

          Gotta luv yer mommy.

    • hudson srinivasan

      i’ve a bit of experience packing and unpacking and setting up from the last 7 moves. i kind of enjoy it a bit too. but i don’t like driving. if you can ship them here i’ll pack it for you and ship them back to your place.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      If you get smothered by cardboard boxes, we’ll say nice things at the funeral.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Are you on the right or left coast? Might take time to get there depending …

    • rosenbomb

      Between May 2013 and August 2014 I moved ~10 times. I am now allergic to moving.

      Good luck though, it’s a ton of work and exhausting to boot.

    • Panika MCD

      will you get me a visa so I can stay there forever?

    • hendenburg2

      where are you moving to?

    • natoslug

      My method is to pack the first 60%, then use the remaining 40%, no matter what it might be, to fill any empty spaces in the moving van. Cuts down considerably on packing time.

  • Carpe Vagenda
    • JMP

      But he IS a giant baby, treating like one is entirely appropriate.

    • hudson srinivasan

      hmm, yes?

    • Nockular cavity

      “Am I a fucking baby?” is this decade’s “I am not a crook.”

    • Bub, Zombie in mourning

      Working on the Trump campaign must have been, to crib a description from the late HST, “like being locked in a rolling boxcar with a vicious 200lb 300lb water rat.”

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Speaking as a fat person slightly taller than Trump pretends to be, probably more like 350.

  • Bub, Zombie in mourning
  • canes_pugnaces

    I’ve got it now.

    The meetings were about adoption and something called the Majinski Act (which doesn’t exist), but there’s nothing wrong with collusion, because even if there was, no collusion took place because it’s legal, or if it isn’t no one knows what laws were broken, no one, because it’s a campaign, and they are not real politicians, but it’s politics and everyone colludes with Russia.

    OK? Got it?

    • jesterpunk

      You forgot its the Secret Service’s fault for not stopping the meeting.

      • canes_pugnaces

        Sorry to confuse you. The USSS didn’t stop collusion because they would have were it against the law, even though they weren’t there with Jr., but might have been there, too.

    • Bub, Zombie in mourning

      Thanks for clearing that up.

  • janecita

    Finally, proof that Mike Huckabee, and his so called “daughter,” are the same person! Huckabee is in Finland, Spicer is back, and “Sarah,” is nowhere to be seen! This is highly suspicious.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Those hideous feedbag dresses and perfectly pitiful hair… it does make sense!

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        and the basic lack of makeup skills also too.

        • elviouslyqueer

          I’m not convinced that’s makeup. I think she just spritzes herself with a paint gun every morning.

          • Résistance Land Shark Ω

            Maybe … but it’s hard to get it right in the low light and using the dirty mirror in the dungeon …

          • Vicki Lawrence’s Covfefe
          • Paul

            I’m glad you went with “paint gun” rather than the more delicate “air brush”. She needs 5 gallon pails sprayed on daily.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Sean Spicer need only wait until next week — when memories of that time that it was only Donnie Jr. colluding with Russia will be the beautiful dream.

  • DrBigHead

    Well, he’s consistent. You gotta give him that.

    I am continually amazed that Trump has been able to assemble a team with this kind of loyalty. Spicer HAS to be aware that what he is saying is bullshit, but he keeps spouting it nonetheless. How is it that no one in the Trump camp has said, “OK, I’ve had enough…”?

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Think real carefully about what Spicey’s future career options are. Who’s he going to go to work for, Mugabe? Omar al-Bashir? Lil Kim? Assad?

      He needs to keep this job for as long as he can hang onto it- that’s where the loyalty comes from.

      • Claire

        Agreed. If he doesn’t get a pundit position on FOX, he’s toast for the rest of his career. His mere presence in front of a podium announces that all sorts of egregiously false nonsense is about to get flung at the media.

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        Stand up comedy? He can play Melissa McCarthy

    • redarmyzombie

      Probably because they’re delusional ass-kissers who think Donny Boy has the power and gratitude to reward them for falling onto their swords, not realizing he’s getting ready to kick them off his sinking ship to save his own sorry hide?

    • Duke

      Maybe Spicey was caught on a pee hooker tape.

      Many people are saying it.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Cuz they like eating Donnie’s shit. At every meal.

    • I am continually amazed that Trump has been able to assemble a team with this kind of loyalty.

      Trump’s team is entirely composed of evil lunatics that the mainstream GOP would never have touched. I’m pretty sure they signed up for the campaign thinking that he could never win, but this would give them good GOP bonafides, sort of an evil bastard internship.

      But the country was a hair more RACIST AND STUPID than anyone could have guessed, and now they’re on the tiger’s back. Can’t let go, Mueller will get them, and 45 will surely toss them all over the side, individually and collectively, (DonJr and Ivanka, too) to protect himself.

    • HogeyeGrex

      How soon we forget. This is S.O.P. for these people. I mean, he’s no Ari Fleischer, but at least he seems committed. I can’t find it anymore, sadly, but the Buffalo Beast’s 2002 50 Most Loathsome Americans had Ari spot on.

      Plus ca change.

    • Eileen Besse

      There are the equivalent of pee-tapes and loyalty oaths on all of them….

  • Roni Raven, Undercovfefe Agent
    • Joe Beese

      We’re already more than halfway to “the collusion was a patriotic defense of the country against the Hillary threat”.

      • I see it coming, and I will still be AMAZED when it actually gets here.

  • BearGHAZI

    Spicey! Just quit. Sarahuck has GOT THIS

    • vivian

      Is this for reals?

      • Maggielle

        I think the “Just Quit!” was imploring rather than reporting.

        • vivian

          Yes. Of course. Reading comprehension Fail of the Day.

          *slinks away*

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    A white lady was killed by the cops yesterday so you know it’s a big deal. Not saying it’s a tragedy, but the news media doesn’t do much when it’s a person of color or a minority. By the way enjoy this clip about how valuable white women are by the late, great Patrice O’Neal

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kYKJ2z7mecQ

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    When does the GOP get their status changed from infection to plague?

    • TJ Barke

      30 years ago?

    • HogeyeGrex

      Yes.

    • bupkus231

      The CDC says it classifies an outbreak of disease as an epidemic based at least partially on the percentage of the population affected. For example, annual flu outbreaks aren’t usually considered epidemic until about 7% of the population is affected – but for more serious diseases, the percentage is usually lower.

      Based on the crazification factor of 27%, tho’, one would have thought the CDC woild have declared the GOP a national ( mental ) health emergency long ago….

  • Lyly Sirivong

    I used to wear contact lenses. And I did forget to remove them before going to bed once or twice. But to forget them 27 times ?
    https://twitter.com/bbchealth/status/886923392103874560

    • SomeBigRedDog

      I have worn contacts since high school and I do not understand this.

    • cmd resistor

      My eyes used to get way irritated when I put the soft ones in backwards. No way.

    • JustDon’tSaySortMyBalls

      read about this on Ars Technica. I wonder if she really even needs cataract suregery?

    • Doug Langley

      “Good God, are you back again? How do you lose those things? And why is you one eye so swollen?”

    • Thiazin Red

      I remember when I accidentally left them in when I fell asleep. When I woke up, there would be this brief moment when I thought my eyes had been magically cured. Then they would seize up from dryness and I would have to peel the lenses off.

  • Joe Beese

    Keith Olbermann leaning heavily on the idea the Sekulow has no reason to try blaming the Secret Service for allowing the Russia meeting unless Trump, the only person they were then responsible for, knew about/encouraged/attended it.

    https://twitter.com/KeithOlbermann/status/887061744425852934

  • jesterpunk

    Putin isnt happy with Trump right now.They want their compounds back right now with no concessions or else.

    http://www.cbsnews.com/news/kremlin-us-diplomatic-row-over-seized-assets/

    • Claire

      I wouldn’t be happy with him either. Not only has he not lifted the sanctions, but he’s such an incompetent dipshit that Putin’s whole West-hacking operation has been blown.

      • JMP

        Vladimir should have learned something from Donald’s history of refusing to pay his contractors.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      *huddle*
      Okay, we’ve decided on “or else”. Is “or else” good with everyone?

      • JMP

        I wonder what the “or else” could pee; I mean, could be.

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      It’s kind of funny because if Donnie gives the compounds back he’ll look weak and/or be accused of collusion whereas if he doesn’t Putin’s gonna kick his ass.

      I guess he’ll just give them back because so far he has, in fact, gotten away with every kind of shit. So far.

  • Beanz&Berryz

    Oh. It’s Son of Man? I shoulda listened closer.

  • jesterpunk

    Back to Spicey. So Trump cant make his products here because foreign countries are better then the US but if companies dont make their products in the US he will be mad at them.

    http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/made-america-week-white-house-defends-imported-trump/story?id=48688381

    On the matter of Trump-branded items, he added, “I can tell you that in some cases, there are certain supply chains or scalability that may not be available in this country.”

    • Roni Raven, Undercovfefe Agent

      Seasonal workers also too, apparently.
      Wasn’t the wall supposed to keep out furriners taking American jerbs?

      https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/world/2017/07/17/extra-temporary-worker-visas/485545001/

      • jesterpunk

        They dont count because they will work for Trump and his friends.

        • Panika MCD

          also because they don’t really have to pay them.

    • Panika MCD

      ummm…but his stuff doesn’t sell very well and neither does Ivankas….?

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      “Supply chains or scalability” = Exploitable workers

      • JustDon’tSaySortMyBalls

        yup. Once again, I should have scrolled down.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      He used a term and thinks it means something fancy. “Supply chains” big term for business problems.

      • SnarkON

        “Scalability” is businesspeak for “I am a jackass.”

      • JustDon’tSaySortMyBalls

        “Supply chain” is the new excuse for off-shoring, to pretend the real reason isn’t “captive labor”.

  • Persistent Demme

    Is this “off-camera” crap gonna go on forever?!
    Is this gonna be normalized?!
    Isn’t it bad enough that we are living in Trump’s American Nightmare?!
    Hey, media!
    You helped put us here! You owe us!
    Are you just gonna take it?!

    (OK, Demme. Deeeeep breaths!)

    • Crystalclear12

      Hey, remember when they were keeping track of Hillary’s press conferences?
      BOTH THE SAME!!!

      Ahhh, good times. . .

  • hudson srinivasan
    • Duke

      Yep… And since Trump’s ass was freshly wet he sided with them against the state with the biggest US military base in the Mid-East.

      He’s so stupid and manipulable. Gotta send the oil baron in to clean up the spill.

      • Steve Cole

        Trumpolini so easily played. Surprised to not see more about this in the US press.

  • Panika MCD

    Spice Spice Baby, have you been subjected to “enhanced interrogation techniques”? or should we expect the whole WH to go back to “nothing but bouncing Russian babbies! those emails are FAKE NEWS!!!!”?

  • Wait… You can masturbate yourself into a coma? SEE Y’ALL IN A WEEK!

    • Alt-dog

      I’m going to have to work up one hell of an orgasm to put myself out for the rest of Trump’s presidency.

    • natoslug

      I’m pretty sure that’s an urban legend. Otherwise, I would have been in a coma from ~11-35.

    • starfanglednut

      Oh man, the bunk room is really gonna get crowded.

  • Duke

    Open open thread…

    Hmmm…
    Talk to other people?

    Well, maybe. I’m pretty interesting. And funny.

    Maybe later. I’ll think it over.

  • Picabo

    Born on this date in 1935, Donald Sutherland. Happy birthday Oddball! https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e71d49f4a0cfffee210a58bb828bb0902bac595dd24d34bf262c2d1de32d2e89.jpg

    • OutOfOrbit

      Did not know he was that oldie.

    • janecita

      I loved him in “The Dirty Dozen.”

      • Doug Langley

        My favorite was “Ordinary People”. He was so . . . normal.

    • Holly
  • Indiepalin

    Spicer’s absence was explained by a video from a DC Golden Corral in which he and fellow journalist Sarah Sanders became stuck in the sliding door. Sanders was rescued when she surrendered the steam tray from the shrimp bar but Spicer had to think things over, hence his leave of absence.

    • John Thorstensen

      “Homer, are you holding on to the can?”

  • Painter of Goats

    Apparently dealing with health insurance nightmares is causing me to mix my metaphors. I just told my daughter that having a gallbladder emergency is no walk in the cake.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      That’s not much fun. And it ruins a perfectly good cake.

      • Painter of Goats

        Not to mention the frosting makes your orthotics stick to your feet.

        • vivian

          Given my tendencies, I still get to eat it eventually.

      • Doug Langley

        Not if the frosting consists of Odor Eaters.

    • vivian

      …and it really pisses off my goat!

    • TheGrandWazoo2

      You can lead a gift horse to water but you can’t look in its mouth.

      • BeachBum

        You can kill 2 stones with 1 bird but you cant make them drink the water.

    • Daniel Hooper

      That’s like the coffee maker calling the stove orange.

    • Alt-dog

      Remember, a penny saved is worth two in the bush.

    • hudson srinivasan

      can’t you ask your parents for money?

      sorry, that was 2012.

      • Painter of Goats

        My parents are living a columbarium with a view in Santa Fe. Maybe my kids…

        • hudson srinivasan

          well, the tree never grows far away from the apple

        • Doug Langley

          Wait – you’re living with the TV homicide detective??

      • SnarkON

        I miss 2012. Things were simpler then.

      • bupkus231

        Remember that Aztec thingie, that 2012 was gonna be the end of the world?

        I’m beginning to think it’s still happening…

    • Panika MCD
      • Vecchioivan

        A watched clock never boils.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          I thought it boiled twice a day?

    • BeachBum

      Or no piece of the park ! Unless you left the cake out in the rain in the park and then you walked thru it. So you prolly were pretty drunk.

    • Doug Langley

      Well, to be fair, you were correct.

  • Panika MCD

    dear Spicey,

    blink if you’re in trouble.

    • Crystalclear12

      Has anyone checked his lapel pin?

      • Panika MCD

        I would, but he’s too fat to be on camera according to Bansputin!

  • Panika MCD

    reposting because I said I’d repost:

    http://ww1.hdnux.com/photos/62/43/45/13252972/7/920×920.jpg

    here’s the story: http://www.mysanantonio.com/news/local/article/Greg-Abbott-trolled-with-epic-photo-by-San-11292703.php#photo-13252972

    also too, for all of you who thought Speaker Straus only opposed the bathroom bill because the business community told him it was bad (because those of you who said that want all Republicans to be disgusting turds for…reasons?) really should have read that New Yorker article that detailed the fight between conservatives and fascists going on the TX lege because it’s going to be increasingly important going forward as it has now hit the national level. the reason I bring this article up is because it was where Straus said of the bathroom bill, “I’m disgusted by all this. Tell the lieutenant governor I don’t want the suicide of a single Texan on my hands.”
    http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2017/07/10/americas-future-is-texas

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      I learned from the New Yorker article that after Gov. Abbot got a $9 million dollar settlement over the accident that left him confined to a wheelchair, he voted to limit settlements in malpractice suits to $250K. “I got mine, motherfuckers!”

      • Panika MCD

        and his settlement payments are between $300K and $450K per year. he’s gotten about $6 million so far out of the whole thing, but there’s still that other $3 million to pull from.

        he’s also too got a $35 million campaign warchest.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        malpractice or personal injury civil suits?

        Iz different. i’m pretty sure you meant PI civil suits, cause TX has trying to catch that rabbit for awhile, i think.

        Florida has it.

        • Panika MCD

          he did tort reforms to civil suits also too.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          I believe it said medical malpractice suits.

          OT, but were we wondering about Los Lonely Boys recently? Just saw that they have a new record and will be swinging through town at the end of July.

  • rosenbomb

    Nice Time

    Before 11/9 happened and ruined everything, I was applying to grad school to get my MSW. Trump got elected and I decided to carry on despite new stressors about the future of social work and potential loss of job prospects due to funding issues.

    I got into the schools I applied to and decided to enroll despite those fears, and today I found out that I got a Graduate Assistantship that comes with a tuition waiver, health insurance, and a stipend. I realize how fortunate I am and I could kiss the ground I’m so happy. Instead I will make myself a nice dinner and drink a beer to celebrate.

    • eyelashviper

      Good for you!!!

      • rosenbomb

        Thanks!

    • Crystalclear12

      Enjoy the good days!

      • rosenbomb

        Yes! Glad I’m going into a field that has plenty of “pay it forward” potential.

    • Panika MCD

      TX will be happy to overwork you once you graduate.

      • rosenbomb

        I think ID will be glad to overwork me as well ;)

        • Panika MCD

          and they probably won’t bank your overtime so’s you can’t get it until you quit.

          • Michelletmiller

            Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family! !pl525d:
            On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
            !pl525d:
            ➽➽
            ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialJobsCash515BuzzClassGetPay$97Hour ★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★:::::!pl525l..,..

    • JustDon’tSaySortMyBalls

      Molotev!

    • Doug Langley

      Yay!!

    • Painter of Goats

      Wonderful! Congrats.

    • aureolaborealis

      Stay away from those student loans if you can …

      • rosenbomb

        That’s the plan…!

    • Jennaratrix

      Many, many congratulations!

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      yay!

      Awesome news.

    • Lambsendbeds

      Wow ! That’s fantabulous! Congratulations!

      • rosenbomb

        Thank you!!

    • Eileen Besse

      SUCH congrats! That GA takes care of a lot–I used to manage a grad program in another life. Worth its weight in gold. GOOD ON YOU!!!!

      • rosenbomb

        Yay! Thanks a ton.

    • goonemeritus

      My Social Worker wife just got that promotion they have been promising her for three years so you will have that to look forward to if you keep your nose clean.

    • Rags

      A beer? What is this ‘a beer’ of which you speak??

    • Good work rosenbomb.

  • Crystalclear12

    So, he apparently is still vacationing in Egypt.
    How’s the water Spicey?

  • Lyly Sirivong

    If there weren’t people suffering from the censorship, it would be funny.
    https://twitter.com/guardianworld/status/886840416007368704

  • JustDon’tSaySortMyBalls
    • vivian

      Gone? I thought she moved there, like, 15 years ago. She’s Princess of Wooville.

      • Jennaratrix

        Blasphemy! She’s the QUEEN.

        • JerryRich

          Her mom, Blythe Danner, is with us and doing commercials for Prolia, a treatment for postmenopausal osteoporosis. I have no idea whether or not this is a good product.

          • Persistent Demme

            My ob/gyn says that the current products make bones harder, but too brittle, and he doesn’t like what’s out there.
            He says that something much better will come out in about a year.
            (But he’s also a little woo, so…)

    • John Thorstensen

      Dr. Jen Gunther (who she’s feuding with) is an actual GYN who knows (a) her stuff and (b) how to write good. Highly recommended blogger.

  • Hemp Dogbane

    He throws him into the high dungeon.

  • Doug Langley

    You Know You’re Old dept:

    Today we were going through the boss’s Netflix account to pick a movie for the kids to watch. What did they want? Scooby Do? Antz? One kid said “What’s E.T.?” We settled on Ninja Turtles.

    UPDATE: Remember the job last week that would pay hefty and be full time and is only 50 miles away? Just got a phone message from them wanting to talk. Send good luck vibes stat!!

    • Painter of Goats

      Last time I did that you didn’t get the job. Oh what the heck, have a handful of good thoughts.

    • vivian

      I send you a one-hundred pound box of telepathic butterflies of Good Lucks!

      • Doug Langley

        Umm . .. so do I swallow them and get butterflies in the stomach?

    • jesterpunk

      Good luck Doug, hope you get the job.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      gratz! Sending you big wishes buddy, scroll up for my latest adventure.

    • Best vibes ever!

    • Spurning Beer

      Whatever you do, don’t let the kids watch the new one, “Ten-Inch Mutant Ninja Turtles.” IT’S A PORNO!!!!1

    • starfanglednut

      Sent!

    • Shanzgood

      Good luck!

    • goonemeritus

      I’m old school I will be lighting a candle at church. Best to cover all the bases. Maybe if one of our fellow Wonkette’s is Unitarian a tasteful folk song could be sung on your behalf.

      • msanthrope

        Coming right up!

  • Yr. Gma

    I have returned from the dentist. There’s a new one who replaced the one I liked, and she said she would not replace my lost crown unless I had the deep cleaning bullshit done AT THE SAME TIME. I told her what she could deep clean and left. Now must find a new dentist.

    • John Thorstensen

      What, pray tell, is dental “deep cleaning”? Is that when the hygienist comes and scrapes the plaque off your teeth (which is a good thing I think, though it hurts a little) or is it actual bullshit a la a common Gwyneth Paltrow?

      • bupkus231

        I believe it’s where they go beneath the gum line – and it can hurt a lot. They have to pry the gum back from the teeth to scrape ( or ultrasound ) the gunk off.

        It’s also a “premium-priced procedure”, unlike normal cleaning…

        • John Thorstensen

          I think my hygienists generally go below the gum line, but not too far. It hurts a little, and bleeds just a bit, but it’s nothing too crazy. AFAIK it’s completely standard procedure.

          • bupkus231

            “…but not too far”

            I’m betting they’re just AT the gum line. My “regular” cleanings go to the gum line, but when they hygienist is using that ultrasound wand, it doesn’t take much. As long as it’s momentary, I have no problem with it. But, I have also had the “deep cleaning” ( my periodontist scheduled it by “quadrants” – and after the first one was done, I didn’t want anymore ( even with local anesthesia and post-op pain killers ).

        • John Thorstensen

          The dental office I go to is evidently very good — the guy who founded it had super-high standards and one of the practitioners is always jetting off somewhere to give seminars about the state of the art. They have NEVER mentioned anything like this, requiring anaesthesia and all — just regular cleanings.

          • bupkus231

            LOL – I think we may be talking about different procedures.

            As it is, I have recently moved from Maryland to Florida – and have yet to look for/find a dentist I both trust and “love”.

      • Yr. Gma

        It’s worse. She goes below the gums down to the roots with her torture instruments and you gums bleed for days after. Anyone who has had it done can tell you it is worse than a root canal.

      • Itakecofefewithwackelpudding

        A deep cleaning is when they reach through your open mouth to your wallet. I have had great success in Mexico, I love my dentista. Cancun dental specialists, Dr. Irma Galvadon.

    • Courser_Resistance

      I’m sorry.

    • Ms.Moon

      Have you tried the Listerine with peroxide my dentist gave me a sample and it changed my life. It really does stop plaque build up ever since then I use it then floss and brush and I really don’t have problems any more with bleeding when getting cleaned.

      • Yr. Gma

        I just got some.

  • Darrell Imaginarian

    Chronic, drunken masturbation may be the only thing that gets me through the next 4 years.

    • Ωbjectifier

      Served me well the last 40 years!

    • Panika MCD

      chronic drunkeness might get you through the next 4 years.

      a healthy amount of masturbation will stave of prostate cancer.

      • marxalot

        And if it’s gin he’s drinking, he’ll need the help.

        • Panika MCD

          why not just lick a juniper tree?

          • marxalot

            All the great cleaning product taste, but none of the alcohol.

    • Vecchioivan

      That’s the spirit!

    • Anna Rompage

      It’s the only thing that’s personally gotten me through life at this point, so I say why stop now?

  • jesterpunk

    In happy nice time news a dog helped rescue a stranded deer.

    http://www.cbsnews.com/news/dog-helps-rescue-deer-stranded-body-water/

  • eyelashviper

    OT, but just made the most delicious bowl of guacamole and have scarfed it down with good tortilla chips and Mexican beer. Had I not been such a piggy, I would have taken a photo and made you all drool
    Simmonds avocados are now in abundance here in La Floriduh, and to make the best guac ever:
    Squish one ripe avocado, (don’t puree, that is a crime)
    Add juice of one lime
    Add one clove of garlic, put thru the garlic press
    Add a touch of sea salt,
    Add a bit of hot sauce (Trader Joe’s Sirichha…can’t spell it)
    Add big blob of fresh salsa (tomatoes, onions, cilantro)
    Stir, gobble with real Mexican chips..

    Aaaaaahhhh.

    • Panika MCD

      a) one of my first memories is from a pot luck where pre-Prima Momma told me I could have *anything* on the table so I took the bowl of guacamole and ate it under the table with my fingers.

      b) CALAVOS ARE THE BEST AVOCADOS!

      • hudson srinivasan

        there are some foods that are best savored with fingers and in impolite ways only. e.g., the last strains of midi mango pickle served as a side for yogurt rice. you have to wipe the plate clean with your fingers and lick every single strain the pickle and the yogurt. then you suck all the apparent juices out of the mango pieces and then walk around with a piece of mango in your mouth, like a common orr with crab apples.

        https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-BTY5eclA2W0/TYY6rlk-aBI/AAAAAAAAOj4/Sy77JkicTkI/s1600/IMG_1984.JPG

      • starfanglednut

        Are calavos those big ones? I’ve never tried those.

        • Panika MCD

          the Calavo trees all have been grafted by bark from the sacred first Calavo tree, each avocado stays on the tree for at least one year and they have a required oil content to be sold.

    • Painter of Goats

      I’m not jealous. Nope, not me. I have 6 large avocados sitting in a basket. Now I just have to go yell at them to ripen faster.

      • Shanzgood

        I never get it right. It’s nope…no, not yet…hang on…TOO LATE.

    • starfanglednut

      I am envious. The avocados here in mass are expensive and lousy this year.

      • eyelashviper

        With all the varieties here now, we have fresh ones from June to Feb.
        The Simmonds rarely get out of this area, they are thin skinned, delicate, and don’t travel well, and ripen within five days or so after being picked.
        They get really big, so one makes a big bowl of guac.
        When we were in South Florida, we had a big grove, so even after selling, giving away, and feeding all the critters, we still had too many to eat.
        Guac season always began just after the last mango was eaten, so we were well fed (along with the dogs, cats, horses, pig, and many fowl)

    • BeachBum

      As a loyal card carrying, meeting attending, and dues paying Wonker, I can testify that worms, I mean words, the gooder ones, can make us drool. Although to really put forth 1,000.00 wordly effortizing, a pic is simpler.

    • Royal Ugly Dude

      Did you use your JEB! guacamole bowl?

    • Ωbjectifier

      You forgot the peas.

      • Doug Langley

        MONSTER!!

      • eyelashviper

        Aaaaaarrrrrghhh…

  • Picabo
    • Serai 1

      You know, I can easily see that coming out.

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    open thread!

    So the lawyer i was telling you guys about yesterday email me this morning for an interview…this afternoon.

    Hustled, ironed work cloths, shower, shave, shoe shine.

    Spent almost an hour with him. It was kinda good – i used big words and sounded smart and knew what he was talking about.

    But, as I just told the TX mom, explaining why i got fired was explaining why i’d hit someone’s dog and then ate it.

    Anyway, he said he’s got other applicants – that’s how bad law work is in this town, solo attorney gets multiple applicants.

    We shall see.

    • jesterpunk

      Good luck.

    • BeachBum

      IMO I don’t think he’s gonna be hiring the altar boy or choir girl of the year. If you put up a forceful and credible defense for your “faux pas” I think you have a very good chance.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        i took the advice of all the smart sexy wonketteers and explained how much of a (painful) learning experience it was.

        Luckily, one of the things i learned is something he wants all his people to do (and most don’t).

        it’s just that attention to detail and organization are so key in the field…failing it is like applying to be a pilot after crashing a plane on your 3rd flight.

    • Doug Langley

      Yikes. Did he actually ask “Why did they fire you?” They should only say “So why did you leave the last job?” and you should volunteer nothing other than “The contract was over” or “I wanted to explore new options” or something bland and non-commital. Anyway, good luck.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        i volunteer it. I’ve been asked about it and i just go ahead and explain the whole sordid affair.

        I find that way I can control the conversation and lay it all out on my terms.

        (And thanks!)

        • Doug Langley

          I’ll trust your judgment on it. Also, you’re more familiar with the law field than I am.

          • Doug Langley

            Myself, I tend to rely on some reply that assigns no blame to anyone. Such as “the budget ran out and they had to cut back”. Which is usually the truth anyway.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Would you mind me asking what you got axed for? I’m just curious, and maybe I could help you spin it more positively.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        in short – fucking up. Dummy errors, typos.

        (it was my first 2 months, and it was getting better. But being tossed ass first into a deep pool with two whole 1/2 days of training in a complicated, busy as hell law firm is not enough. I can’t say that, but ya know)

        • Eileen Besse

          I do know, sorry. AND it WILL turn around.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            thanks Eileen!

        • BeachBum

          I have hired a lot of people in my day, though none in law. Rarely does the “perfect” applicant come along. I would absolutely hire an honest and hardworking person 5 days a week and twice on Sunday with dummy errors and typo like mistakes.
          To me those can be fixed and mean nothing in the long run.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            and the sad part was, i was going to win that guy cases.

            Even my instructors were like, that’s stupid.

    • jowgajen

      Write him a follow up email to thank for the interview. Include some sort of compliment about him/his practice/his firm/the job. Make it personal. Entrepreneurs and sole proprietors NEED someone they can connect with and trust on a personal level. It is ALWAYS about trust when it comes to your personal enterprise.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        good idea, I will do right now.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        just sent!

    • data_ninja

      Everybody screws up, big or small. The point is to tell it in an interview in a way that you learned from it and became a better person. I had a major fuck up my first month back at my previous job, and was certain my job was on the line. But instead I used it as a learning experience, and only mention it when I have to. It has totes changed my habits with regards to that area as well *cough* password security *cough*..

      Of course, this is easy for me to say now, and it’s also easier because I didn’t get fired for it. Do your best to dress it up if you can, but don’t lie about it either (they will figure out it sooner or later if you do, and will take corrective action about it when they feel like it).

      Good luck!!!!1!

      • grindstone

        Grindspouse interviews IT guys all the time. He always asks them, “What have you broken?” If they look at him funny he explains that he’s brought down networks with boneheaded moves. After they answer the question he asks, “What did you learn from that?”

  • Lyly Sirivong
    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      I cannot unsee that. I think I’ll wake up screaming in the middle of the night.

  • Holly

    I’d like to talk…can we talk? Nothing serious just a little chat about how much I appreciate all y’all, and how through all this never-fucking-ending bullshit, the lies and deceit and the constant insults to our collective intelligence we remain loyal to the resistance and loyal to one another. We are a vile little snark mob and BOY HOWDY! we sure do have one hell of a good time. Thanks guys…for all of it.

    • Picabo

      As I have said before, I love your avatar. Glad you are here.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        #AviationNerds

        kidding!

        • Picabo

          Real pilots fly tail draggers. I wouldn’t know. I just jump out of them.

        • Holly

          You have no idea how right you are.
          You Might Be a Freight Dog If..
          • Your airplane was getting old when you were born.
          • You have not done a daylight landing in the past six months.
          • ATC advises you of smoother air at a different altitude, and you don’t care.
          • When you taxi up to an FBO they roll out the red carpet, but quickly take it back when they recognize you.
          • You call the hotel van to pick you up and they don’t understand where you are on the airport.
          • Centre asks you to “keep the chickens down” so they can hear you talk.
          • Your airplane has more than 75,000 cycles.
          • Your company call sign is “Oil Can”.
          • The lady at the FBO locks up the popcorn machine because you plan on “making a meal of it”.
          • Your airplane has more than eight faded logos on it.
          • You wear the same shirt for a week, and no one complains.
          • Centre mispronounces your call sign more than three times in one flight.
          • Your Director of Operations mysteriously changes your max. take off weight during the holiday season.
          • Every FBO makes you park out of sight of their building.
          • You have ever walked barefoot through the FBO because you just woke up.
          • You mark every ramp with engine oil.
          • Everything you own is in you flight bag and suitcase.
          • All the other pilots wait for you to “test the squall line” first.
          • All the other airlines hold to see if you get in.
          • You request the visual approach with 300’ overcast and ½ SM vis.
          • You make no attempt to deviate around weather.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            Lol, the ones I understood were good – but this one made me laugh out loud:

            ATC advises you of smoother air at a different altitude, and you don’t care.

            Do you ever read ask the pilot? It’s probably a little elementary for you, but a bunch of pilots congregate in the comments section.
            http://www.askthepilot.com

          • Holly

            We do huddle together don’t we?

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            y’all are the only ones that can understand each other’s acronyms.

          • Ωbjectifier
          • Juan de Fuca

            That looks similar to a CASA-212 I jumped from while at Fort Bragg many years ago. Best jump of my life. Mostly because I stuck the landing but also because I didn’t have to worry about being blown about in prop wash from a C-130. Just walked right out the back…

          • aureolaborealis

            Isn’t that a Short 330 or similar? I rode in of those to Saipan once.

          • Holly

            Excellent.

      • Serai 1

        Geez, get a runway, you two. ;)

    • Doug Langley

      I’m only here because someone said there was free beer.

      • Holly

        The kegs over in the corner Doug. Bring me one while you’re over there – would ya please?

        • Doug Langley

          But I’m lazy.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Right back at you, kiddo.

    • Eileen Besse

      Right back atcha, also too! Wicked ditto!

    • Ricky Gay

      You are welcome!

      • Ricky Gay

        May I have your Soros bucks?!

  • Joe Beese

    So for my 50th birthday I decided to cross an item off my bucket list and go for a real, old time, barbershop, hot towel, straight razor shave. (Fun! Like a spa treatment straight guys don’t have to feel embarrassed by.)

    Seeing my naked face again after so long was like meeting an old cherished acquaintance. However, it also reminded me why I grew a beard in the first place. So I immediately started growing it back.

    My stubble is now at official “Don Johnson” length. Which reminded me of the days when the vogue for that look created a market for something known as “The Miami Device”.

    http://tonymountain.blogspot.com/2010/12/miami-device.html

    • jaspersdad

      I stopped growing a beard when it turned grey. Seemed like it went from blonde to grey in the space of a year.

    • Shanzgood

      Hey, spa treatments are fun! I took Baconz to get a pedicure with me and he loved it!

      • OutOfOrbit

        Oh for peet’s sake. btw Did you get the full-body nekkid treatment while he was there?

        • Shanzgood

          Not at the spa place, no.

          • Doug Langley

            Go on . . .

          • Shanzgood

            The spa place was where we had the pedicures, see.

          • chascates

            I’ve been wanting to try a mani-ped. It’s getting hard for me to clip my toenails (I have hand problems). What do these things cost?

          • Shanzgood

            Depends on what you have done. Around $40-50 for a pedicure and it takes about 90 minutes. I don’t know about manicures because I don’t do those.

          • Courser_Resistance

            For quite a while, I wasn’t supposed to bend far enough to touch my feet, so I went monthly. Here in Denver, there were scads of places that’d do it for ~ $30, but that was a while ago.

          • marxalot

            Some of the places do a package deal. I can usually get a mani-pedi for 35$ plus tip. That’s the basic sit in the massage chair and get your feet soaked version, I dunno what goes into a “spa” pedicure.
            That’s next weekend for me, my feet are NOT sandal-ready and I’ve got comp’ny coming soon.

          • Doug Langley

            Right . . . and you had the full-body nekkid treatment somewhere else . . . ?

          • Shanzgood

            Of course!

    • Panika MCD
    • miss_grundy

      Are you going to wear a pastel-colored tee with a blazer?????

  • Kiri the Unicorn
  • chascates
    • Panika MCD

      and those are supposed to be people who support Tsarina Von Clownstick? putting him in bed with “they’re turning the frogs gay!”?

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Yawn.

  • jaspersdad

    It’s about time.

    “Thousands of times each year in the United States, someone convicted of domestic abuse or subject to an active restraining order seeks to illegally purchase a gun from a licensed dealer — usually, without any consequences. On July 23, Washington will become the first state to require authorities to notify victims when such an attempted sale takes place.”

    https://www.thetrace.org/2017/07/washington-domestic-violence-laws-alert-abusers-guns/

  • aureolaborealis

    PSA: For anyone thinking about masturbating (or fucking) themselves into a coma, may I suggest one of the other great benefits of cannabis: heightened physical sensation, especially in the danger areas.

    • Ωbjectifier

      IDK, I may have to run some experiments.

    • Holly

      Pray tell…DO go on….I need further explanation(s).

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Snicker…

      • aureolaborealis

        Assuming serious request … you get a combo:
        1) Reduced stress and anxiety (as long as you don’t over-do it).
        2) Ability (or inability not) to focus intently on minutiae, which is great for giving and receiving sexytime pleasures.
        3) Heightened sensation in erogenous zones, but — amazingly — reduced or eliminated unpleasant post-orgasm sensitivity.
        It makes it easier to get aroused, easier to achieve orgasm, easier to go multiple rounds.
        There are really no down sides, as long as you don’t get too high. And if you do, orgasms can help with that.

    • marxalot

      Velvet Swing. It’s a cannabis infused water based lube brought to market by a sex worker I trust completely in these matters. If you’re in the PNW, get some.

      • aureolaborealis

        I keep thinking about diverting some of my infused coconut oil for sexytime purposes, but it would mess with my mg/serving calculations for the chocolates I make. I should totally just make a separate batch.

  • Joe Beese

    The Rude Pundit, punditing rudely:

    In just six short months, it’s become absolutely clear: Everyone who didn’t vote for Donald Trump was right and everyone who voted for him was wrong. …

    They were wrong that he’s a man of his word, they were wrong that he would look out for working people, they were wrong that he would make the nation respected “again” (as if it wasn’t before), they were wrong that he wouldn’t have scandals, and they were just wrong about him being a human being worthy of the office. …

    Each of the Trump voter pieces generally has a token interview with someone who doesn’t support Trump. But they are presented as curiosities, the two-headed cow that shouldn’t exist but somehow does. But the reality is, obviously, people who think Trump is full of shit vastly outnumber the aforementioned suckers and fuckers who stand by their man. How about interviewing some of us? How about asking us, “How did you know?” And we can say, “Anyone with a fuckin’ brain knew.” Ask us, “What do you think about the Russia dealie?” And we can say, “Either we do something about it or we’re fucked.”

    Hell, you don’t even have to stick to the cities, where the majority of the country lives. Since you’ve got a rural jones, you can head to Bolivar, Tennessee, a town in the ass-crack of nowhere, near to the Alabama border, as Deep South as you can get. They went for Hillary Clinton, as did nearby Whiteville. Of course, those are majority African American towns, so you’d have to change the whole goddamned narrative away from the mighty white working class.

    http://rudepundit.blogspot.co.uk/2017/07/trump-voters-were-wrong-so-fuck-their.html#sthash.nSHmQBIy.uxfs

  • Mormos

    “Just hold it together Sean, its almost over. Just phone it in for a few more weeks. Soon that orange moron will be in jail, and I’ll be free. Free at last, free at last!”
    -Spicer’s brain

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I genuinely don’t think Trump will be impeached. I don’t think Republicans have that much patriotism. I hope the Dems win big in 2018, so WE can get his unqualified, incompetent ass out of the White House.

      • jowgajen

        They’ve confused blind loyalty for patriotism. Dunno where we go from here.

  • miss_grundy

    Does Spicey need Melissa McCarthy to go to the White House and run him down with the lectern and smack him around?

    • Shanzgood

      Yes, please!

    • Vecchioivan

      I find it hilarious that Melissa McCarthy may be the reason that Spicer is being kept out of public view.

      • Persistent Demme

        I think you’re right!
        Thank you for your service, Ms. McCarthy!

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    “the president has made it clear through his tweet”

    Did you ever think you’d hear a spokesman say this about a president.

    *sigh*

    • jesterpunk

      Hey Spicey, Which tweets and are they ones we should listen to or not?

    • Serai 1

      I suspected we eventually would when Twitter took off.

    • I’m still amazed that Twitter can move nations.

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    evan, FWIW, Trump tweeted again about this this morning:
    https://twitter.com/realdonaldtrump/status/886950594220568576

    • Serai 1

      Christ, he really thinks this country is run like a Mafia convention.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      Whoops, sorry evan, this was the tweet in your article.

      May bad.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    From Wonkette’s pal, Charles Pierce:
    “The country’s faith in self-government is being tested at almost every level, and as severely as it has been tested in what is alleged to be peacetime at any time in its history. The self-defense reflexes of American democracy have slowed. The strength of self-government has atrophied. The American experiment stands or falls based on the participation of the people on elections that they perceive to be fair and unratfcked. That is the act of faith in self-government at its most basic. Right now, that faith is cracking at its foundation and teetering dangerously, and too few people seem to care.”

    Sigh…I’m really becoming quite disgusted with America.

    • Courser_Resistance

      I know. I may start wishing to die soon. Just kidding, mostly, but this is not the country I was born into and raised in and there’s no other place like it on the planet. I’m getting up there in age and unless one or two things click into place in the next 30 days or so, the outlook for my future is quite grim, indeed.

      So yeah, die quickly if it all comes to pass.

      • TootsStansbury

        I actually get this. I’m tempted to drop out as much as possible and go forth and enjoy until my health or money runs out. Then, there’s plenty water hemlock about.

    • OrG

      The plan is working.

    • Ωbjectifier

      “We have been assured, sir, in the sacred writings, that ‘except the Lord build the house they labor in vain that build it.’ I firmly believe this; and I also believe that without His concurring aid we shall succeed in this political building no better than the builders of Babel; we shall be divided by our little partial, local interests, our projects will be confounded and we ourselves shall become a reproach and a byword down to future ages. And, what is worse, mankind may hereafter, from this unfortunate instance, despair of establishing government by human wisdom and leave it to chance, war, or conquest.”
      – Ben Franklin

    • Serai 1

      Maybe it seems that way because the fucking media refuse to talk to anyone other than the fucknuts who voted to ruin this country.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Republicans clearly do NOT. Give. A. Fuck.

        My mother (who is a Republican who did NOT vote for Trump) said to me today “I don’t see how Trump meeting with Russians is any different than that spy Christopher Steele doing research on Trump.” I pointed out to her that Steele was initially hired by one of Trump’s GOP rivals, AND he’s not a hostile foreign power. Republicans are NOT smart.

        • Sorry about your mom.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            You and me both, friend. She’s even started noticing that her money disappears when Republicans are running the country, but she’s bought the RWNJ talking point about “it’s just a coincidence that the economy always collapses when we’re in power.” I asked her “I guess those massive deficits that happen under GOP rule are also just a coincidence.”

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      Well ain’t he a little ray of sunshine.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        He’s being very, very honest. Our democracy is crumbling, and Republicans don’t have the balls to stand up and stop it.

        • TootsStansbury

          Not just republicans, all of us. We all need to fight this.

  • jesterpunk

    Well thats one way to make a sale.

    http://www.wmur.com/article/1-million-in-marijuana-found-in-brand-new-ford-fusions/10314328

    Word on the street is the new Ford Fusions are dope—but not in the way you think.

    Authorities are looking into how marijuana worth $1 million was hidden in the trunks of brand new, Mexican-made Ford Fusions at a dealership in Ohio, according to Silverio Balzano, agent in charge of the Drug Enforcement Administration’s Youngstown office.

    The cars were manufactured at the Ford plant in Hermosillo, Sonora, Mexico, and were shipped by rail into a CSX yard in Lordstown, Ohio, Balzano said.

    Now, investigators are trying to discover where along the supply line the marijuana was packed into the cars—and who failed to retrieve it.

    • Thiazin Red

      That seem inefficient.

      • Spurning Beer

        Well, they were Priuses. Very efficient.

    • GreenGoldSharpie

      Man, and I just got a new car in March. Shoulda waited and got a Fusion and some weed.

    • Serai 1
    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      There was a car dealer in my area (Johnny’s Suzuki) that all of a sudden disappeared. I asked someone what happened to him, and apparently he was shipping cocaine in the cars. Oops!

      • jesterpunk

        There have been some small dealerships around me doing the same thing. They only get caught because they forgot to take the drugs out of the car before selling it.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          D’oh! I never quite heard the story of how this guy got caught. He had a few dealerships, so he was probably doing OK legitimately. I think the feds were on to him.

  • Ok. I have two, maybe 3 more boxes to pack and then a whole shitload of recycling to take down and shoving my clothes into suitcases/laundry basket. The end is nigh!

    • Shanzgood

      Good luck! I’d rather burn my house down than move!

      • My knees and arms are all wishing i had gone with that option

      • marxalot

        Well, take my advice: if you do the first one, do the second too. Buring down the house and then not moving is a weird situation.

        • Shanzgood

          It’s not really moving then, it’s just LEAVING.

  • TJ Barke

    I just can’t even anymore…

    • janecita

      What’s wrong?

    • Proud Liberal

      I’ve said that a thousand times today! It just never ends.

      • janecita

        Are you guys getting upset over this Trump shit? Save your rage, this is nothing!

    • hudson srinivasan

      It’s kind of counter intuitive but DJT’s ascension and the reaction to it has strengthened my faith in the system.

      DJT rose. But I for one am impressed how systematic and persistent the checks on him have been outside the senate and the house. actually even among them by the opposition party.

      Clearly there is an event where electoral college, senate and state majorities can all be tyrannical. and that flaw has to be addressed, but the response from society in general has been robust. we must celebrate that also.

      • DJT rose. But I for one am impressed how systematic and persistent the checks on him have been outside the senate and the house. actually even among them by the opposition party.

        If the GOP had any self-respect left, they would have stopped this before he ever announced. He should never have gotten to the primaries.

        NOW the checks and balances are going to get him, but they grind exceeding slow.

        ~~~

        • hudson srinivasan

          What I’ve realized. GoP politically advantaged/dominant, but America is way bigger & better than GoP.

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      I’m enjoying the fact that they can’t move forward with healthcare until (and if) McCain comes back. That seems pretty sweet.

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        I feel most of the GOP Senators just want it to go away so they don’t have to have their votes recorded.

        • Courser_Resistance

          Oh yeah, exactly. They just want the fucker to go away at this point. But I wouldn’t lay odds if it comes to a vote. These fuckers push their OWN grandma off a cliff if it meant that they could keep raking in those sweet, sweet campaign donations.

    • Panika MCD

      if I’m going to survive the next month TX special session, you will survive this stupid president.

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        I cannot even…
        I raise my beer to you!

    • HazooToo

      Seriously, switch off. It’s really time to do something else. We’ll miss seeing you around, but everyone will know you’re just on a break and they won’t freak out. What’s your favorite computer game?

  • DainBramage

    I sold my old truck to my neighbor yesterday. It’s weird seeing it over at his house.

    • Juan de Fuca

      Wasn’t there an old country song written about something like that?

    • Courser_Resistance

      Oh, I don’t know if I could do that! I get kind of sentimental about my vehicles. I wouldn’t want to keep seeing it. I know, I’m a total sap.

      • DainBramage

        For me, it’s more that I’m worried something will go wrong with it and they’ll blame me. I did disclose everything I know about it, but if the engine blows up tomorrow it’ll be strange.

      • puredog

        I’m just sitting here waiting for the Craigslist people to return from their home (40″ away at a good time of day, and this is not a good time of day) with the cash to buy my car. I’ll miss that baby. I have already replaced it with a more sensible car, but dammit, I was fond of mine. Fonder, even, than of its replacement, but see above re sensibleness.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Oh, shit, white woman got shot by the cops!!!! In Minneapolis, a 40 year old Australian called for help, and the police ended up plugging her. People might care since she’s blond and pretty. She called to report an assault in the alley behind her house. Police body cams weren’t turned on.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      And what a surprise, they “forgot” to turn on their body cameras.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        It could happen! I forget to turn mine on when I’m murdering someone.

      • Serai 1

        Those cameras need to be timed to go on at a certain hour and be impossible to turn off until the programmed shutoff at the end of the shift.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          Most of them do come on automatically. This was the exception.

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        Which is biting our city council in the ass for refusing to make cameras being “on” mandatory, and making camera turned off “nefarious”.

        • jowgajen

          The cameras protect the police as much as the citizenry. They also protect the tax payers from having to pay out settlements in lieu of justice.

          • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

            You would think, but Philando.

      • Bitter Scribe

        Just like Chicago cops “forgot” to turn on the audio for their dash cams when they killed Laquan McDonald.

    • jowgajen

      Apparently she was in her pajamas and made the fatal mistake of coming out to talk to the cops she had called to come check on noise in the alley behind her house.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Well, that settles it then. She was asking for it. Since she’s white, and the cop’s name’ sounds kind of Arab-y, I’m guessing he’ll get jail time.

        • jowgajen

          Not likely. Pretty sure you can count the number of cops in jail for firing their weapon on duty on a hand missing fingers.

    • GreenGoldSharpie

      Foreigners don’t count.

      Only American, hetero men can be white anyway.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Nancy Grace may do the whole “white girl murdered” full court press. I’m guessing when people see someone who looks like them getting murdered by the cops, they might not be so forgiving.

    • Australians are all of criminal heritage anyways….(TOTAL snark)

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        We’ve already determined it was her own fault for wearing pajamas. She’s probably a thug, anyway.

        • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

          In SW Minneapolis…if you rent, you are a thug.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            So we know she’s a renter who wears pajamas to greet the police. What kind of criminal mastermind is this monster??????

          • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

            She was outside in the wrong outfit. Most vicious criminals wear pjs!

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            A lot of them wear slippers too, sometimes shaped like animals. I can see why the cops were terrified.

          • Petunia Cat

            She was actually standing next to the car talking to the cop in the driver seat when the cop in the other seat shot her through the door. 😳😳😳😳😳😳
            Are they going to say she was threatening the driver with a gun? Or is this going to turn out to be the cop with fiddling with his gun and it went off by accident? 🤢😰😠😠😠😠

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            Who knows?

          • Bemused Australian

            A dead one?

    • Courser_Resistance

      Of course they’re making a huge fuss, it’s not the victim but the Somali-American police officer who shot her. Plenty there for a metric fuckton of hate.

      I’m opting out.

    • Bemused Australian

      Peeps here aren’t happy. Our spineless PM hasn’t said boo, and likely won’t,

    • Paul

      No fuckery there. Nothing to see here, move along.

      Literally NOTHING TO SEE. Why weren’t their cameras on?

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        They “forgot” to turn them on. Sounds plausible! It’s going to be interesting to see if anyone goes to jail for this one.

        I thought the cop in North Charleston (Slager) who shot a guy in the back 6 times was going to jail, since the whole thing had been videotaped, but one juror said “he didn’t think a cop would just shoot someone.” I’d venture a guess that he’s a Trump supporter. I think Slager is going to be retried, possibly federally. Hell, his own union was like “uhhh…you’re on your own, dude.” How guilty do you have to be to not be supported by other cops?

  • marxalot

    Can we all agree to refer to the oldest hairgelled moron spawn as “Don Don?”

    • Proud Liberal

      Why that’s a fitting name.

    • GreenGoldSharpie

      That’s not hair gel. It’s Ted Cruz slime.

      • Petunia Cat

        So is Dippity-Do. #LittleKnownFact 😝

      • Bemused Australian

        Is said slime dispensed via the senatorial glory hole?

      • puredog

        Ted Cruz’s alter ego: Super Hagfish.

        • Trip Space-Parasite

          HAGFISH LIBELZ!!

    • Juan de Fuca

      Dippity Don?

    • Vecchioivan

      I still prefer Fredo.

  • Apple Scruff

    “Get well John McCain. We miss you. Plus, we need your vote.” — President Orange Von Fuckface.

    What a heart-warming, high-quality sentiment.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      “I like Senators who don’t get sick”

      • Apple Scruff

        He literally called him “crusty”. JFC.

      • Panika MCD

        “I like presidents who don’t collude with Russia.” ~Sen. Walnuts!

        • hudson srinivasan

          i dream of that. not kidding. last thursday. 5 days sober. i dreamt mccain and lindsay leading a revolt against trump. clearly i was having an adverse reaction to giving up alcohol.

          • Panika MCD

            they just might. and if they do: the Resistance will have mint juleps!

  • Joe Beese
    • Courser_Resistance

      Dawwwww…

  • Picabo

    Can anyone explain Dok’s {wonkbar][/wonkbar] in his post about Jeff Flake? Is this SQL in the seekert catcave? I don’t get it. Thanks.

    • marxalot

      Well, it’s for sure a typo bc those are nonmatching braces. I’m guessing it’s the style element for a Wonkette article sidebar, ie one highlighting the ratfucking or whatever aforementioned and linked to somewhere near the hanging element.

      • Courser_Resistance

        Well, unless he deliberately *didn’t* want it to encode? I used to do that in the ancient days of Unix. I stuck it there as a placeholder I could correct when I found whatever the real problem was.

        • Yr. Gma

          I sort of thought that’s what he was doing, too.

    • puredog

      I thought it was a typo — that remained undeleted after being fixed — of code associated with causing the text immediately above the undeleted typo to be indented to the right of a vertical bar.

  • Paperless Tiger

    I bet they’d all like to dial it back a few turns right now.

    • GreenGoldSharpie

      Nah, when you’re cornered you start screaming like a banshee.

  • Panika MCD

    FUN TIMES! with all the things that Anthony Bourdain hates!

    http://www.insidehook.com/nation/everything-anthony-bourdain-hates-listed

    “It hurts me. I think that’s a window into his soul. Anyone who’s that indifferent to food is problematic for me. It’s like meeting someone at a party who says, ‘I never really liked music.’ What do you do with that? As a chef, it always hurt me if I was serving a nicely aged côte de boeuf, and I heard they dumped ketchup all over it — that hurt me too. Something died inside me. So I’m gonna respond in a negative way to hearing that, but that’s hardly the worst of it.”

    • marxalot

      Thank you. This brought me a moment of joy.

    • Persistent Demme

      He’s indifferent to food, and has no respect for animals.
      Both are grave character flaws.
      Both concern a world that isn’t about Trump 24/7.

    • Juan de Fuca

      I hate to sound like a common Trump supporter but Anthony Bourdain is one celebrity I’d at least consider voting for. Just because he’s Anthony Bourdain.

      • janecita

        He won my heart, when he went after that annoying, racist, always chewing with her fat mouth wide open, butter addicted bitch, Paula Deen.

        • Juan de Fuca

          Yup. And political jokes aside, he’s probably the only celebrity I’ve ever wanted to actually share a beer with. Hell, even Pres Obama wanted to share a beer with the guy. He seems like a legit dude.

          • Panika MCD

            come to Austin next time he’s in town. he likes the Draught House (not to be confused with the movie theatre).

    • HazooToo

      I gotta say, he’s right about the center piece of bread. That shit is frustrating as hell.

  • jesterpunk

    Well if a guy who worked for Trump says Trump did nothing wrong that proves it right?

    https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/886541955311816705

    Oh well except for the fact that he made everyone working for him sign a non disparagement contract too.

    https://apnews.com/14542a6687a3452d8c9918e2f0bf16e6/many-trump-employees-keeping-quiet-legally-required

    • Bemused Australian

      Person says thing Trump agrees with. Trump cites said opinion as proof. Hannity attacks anyone who dares disagree as a liar. Rinse and repeat.

  • Petunia Cat

    Complaining: I think it was CNN, I was watching it on YouTube, they’re STILL portraying talking about the Magnitsky act in the Conspiracy Crime Meeting as somehow OK. The Magnitsky act/adoptions getting turfed out is HOW the Trumpers we’re gonna/did pay for the dirt on Hillary. 🤦🏻‍♀️ Come on people! Meaning CNN, not the people on this thread.

    Don Jr: I swear we were only talking to the spy people of a foreign government about cancelling sanctions on their government’s murderers if Dad got elected president. It’s not like we were doing anything bad! Oh yeah, and the Russians banned adoptions by Americans to punish the US for the Magnitsky act. So OF COURSE they needed to talk to us about this Russian law that Russia could just change on its own. 🇷🇺 👶🏻

    In other words unbanning the adoptions is the cover story for the future Trump administration about why it cancelled the Magnitsky act. “It was all just a silly tit for tat diplomatic spat. But it’s OK we’re all friends again now.”

  • jaspersdad

    Made in America Week:

    “Made in America” theme week at the White House? Are they kidding? Their own election wasn’t even made in America.”

    – Richard Painter.

    I’m starting to like this guy.

    • SisterArtemis

      I know what you mean. His voice is kinda weird, but certain things sound better said n Richard Painter style.

      • clubseal

        Plus he can be called Dick Painter.

        • SisterArtemis

          Ooooo!!!!! I bet some wonketarians are jealous!

      • jaspersdad

        I saw him on Bill Maher couple of weeks ago. Very funny man.

    • CripesAmighty

      HAHAHAHA! We need to start compiling a compendium of Painter classics–they’re coming fast and hilarious. And as an aside, I love his delivery–ramrod, rock-ribbed Republican who’s Not. Having. This. Shit. A foghorn of righteous indignation.
      https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=EEkGs1SxdiI

  • Raan

    Heyo, all. I’m making sloppy joes for dinner.

    Well, I’ll see you around. I’ve had entirely too much human interaction lately, and I’m exhausted.

  • jaspersdad
    • snigsy

      Same facial expression as my son’s–at three years old–when he was pretending to drive his toy car. Trump probably made the same “vroo vroo” noises followed by a loud “queeek bkowww” (for the inevitable crash). “Look at me! Mommy, Look at MEEE!”

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        and pence has the same expression a dad would…

  • Joe Beese

    RedState (!):

    The Senate Health Care Bill Is Dead, But Nobody’s Admitting It Yet

    Conservatives and Republicans alike for years said they had a plan to replace Obamacare once they repealed it, despite what Democrats said. What they’ve been doing since they took up health care under Trump is proof the Democrats were right. It’s a slap in the face to voters who put these very Republicans – including Trump – in power.

  • Bemused Australian

    Dafuq?

  • Picabo

    Today in history.
    1967 Jimi Hendrix drops out as opening act for The Monkees

    “The booking of psychedelic rock god Jimi Hendrix with the made-for-television Monkees was the brainchild of Hendrix’s manager, Mike Jeffery, who was seeking greater public exposure for a young client who was a budding star in the UK, but a near-unknown in his native United States. It was in the UK, in fact, that Monkee Mike Nesmith first heard a tape of Hendrix playing while at a dinner party with John Lennon, Paul McCartney and Eric Clapton. Nesmith and his fellow Monkees Peter Tork and Mickey Dolenz became instant Jimi Hendrix fans, and after witnessing his legendary performance at the Monterey Pop Festival in June 1967, they encouraged their own manager to invite the little-known but highly respected Jimi Hendrix Experience to join their upcoming U.S. tour.

    http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history/jimi-hendrix-drops-out-as-opening-act-for-the-monkees

    • Panika MCD

      Today in TX history (again, people from other states, do your states!):

      Alamo savior dies
      July 17th, 1945
      On this day in 1945, Clara Driscoll died in Corpus Christi. She was born in 1881 in St. Mary’s, Texas. After almost a decade of study and travel abroad, she returned to Texas at the age of eighteen. From 1903 to 1905 she worked with the Daughters of the Republic of Texas to acquire and preserve the Alamo by personally paying most of the purchase price. In 1906 she married Hal Sevier in New York City; in 1914 they moved to Austin, where he founded the Austin American and she directed construction of Laguna Gloria, a fine Italianate mansion located on the Colorado River. When the marriage was dissolved in 1937, Clara legally resumed her maiden name. During the next decade much of her time, energy, and money were devoted to historic preservation and civic betterment. In 1943 she presented Laguna Gloria to the Texas Fine Arts Association to be used as a museum.

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        In Minnesota on this same day, Floyd the pig was transformed into bacon.

      • georgiaburning

        California history/ July 17th-

        1944- Port Chicago explosion-332 people killed in explosions at Naval Ammunition Depot. Cause was inadequate safety and training procedures, compounded by wartime workload
        1955- Disneyland opens.

        • Panika MCD

          I would up-fist, but those are both sad.

          • georgiaburning

            Port Chicago especially so, though the Navy finally came clean on it. Disney is still Disney.

    • therblig

      i remember seeing peter tork on a late night show talking about touring in japan. hendrix would be out on stage blazing through his set and the stadium of japanese 13/14 year old girls would be screaming “MONKEES, MONKEES!!!”.

    • Spurning Beer

      A college housemate of mine had been one of the Monkees fans booing the black guy who was playing the guitar with his teeth and behind his back at some stadium in New York.

      Slightly on-topic, my daughter told me about a conversation with her college boyfriend a few years ago. He asked, when did you start liking Jimi Hendrix? My daughter said, I don’t know, but really young. Like 1 or 2. He said, “Me too!”

    • Yr. Gma

      Michael Nesmith’s mother invented Liquid Paper.

  • Panika MCD

    about to take Calliope Jane to her play group, but before I do, here is Ross Ramsey’s Texplainer about what a shit show we’re going to have starting at 10 am tomorrow.

    https://www.texastribune.org/2017/07/17/analysis-special-session-sniping-underway-opening-gavels/amp/

    if you don’t see or hear from me, call the Pink Dome to see if I’m still alive.

    • snigsy

      Be sure to take a hip flask. ETA: to the special session, I mean.

      • Panika MCD

        you mean a fifth, right?

        • marxalot

          Depends on the generosity of your hips. Or the capacity of your go-bag.

          • Panika MCD

            I have to take my computer with me so I’ll have my backpack. there’s also many bars nearby.

          • marxalot

            Hit the Chili Parlor for me one of these days– I miss it.

          • Panika MCD

            that will probably be happening a lot during the special session and it can’t all be for you!

    • janecita

      Did you ever post her tutu picture?

      • Panika MCD
        • janecita

          She is so freaking adorable! Look at her, all happy with her cute little outfit!

        • Bemused Australian

          Wot has you done to that puppy? =/

          • Panika MCD

            she insists on the outfits–especially the tutus. the day I took that photo, she kept refusing to go out for her morning potty. after 3 hours, I picked up the tutu, she ran over and stood up to put it on, once it was on she walked directly to the door. my dog is WEIRD.

  • HazooToo
    • hudson srinivasan

      totally.

      to put in english,
      from across the street, with such expectant & lorn eyes,
      she looked at me as if to ask,
      will you help me with the flat?

  • 45 took a look at that Spicey nose pic-n pic and said:

    “Hold My KFC drumstick” https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/8a00c5ccef88b1dd980af4e2b4c484f50a720e9f0ad8c20e29a01c4f74cf3716.png

    • Bub, Zombie in mourning

      He’s really determined to get that little morsel out, isn’t he?

      • SisterArtemis

        Come on, we’ve all been there. However, by the time we hit school, most of us know not to let someone get it on camera.

    • hudson srinivasan

      i dint’ realize repeat big $ defaulters also get boogers to pick.

      • Bemused Australian

        Donny can’t get enough of the green.

    • Ωbjectifier

      Five bucks says he eats it.

      • Dudleydidwrong

        Where’s Bill Murray? There are gophers on the White House lawn.

    • Bemused Australian

      To be fair, he’s searching for what may be the least offensive nugget to issue from his various orifices.

    • Spurning Beer

      Tiny fingers are not always a disadvantage, you see.

  • Joe Beese

    Support for the Senate bill to repeal the Affordable Care Act is teetering on the edge of collapse, with a third Republican senator threatening to join the two who have already promised to block a vote when the bill comes to the floor.

    Sen. Ron Johnson (R-WI) learned from TPM last week that Senate Majority Mitch McConnell (R-KY) was telling moderate Republican senators in closed-door meetings that a future Congress and president will not let the bill’s harshest cuts to Medicaid go into effect.

    On Monday, Johnson told reporters he went to the moderate senators in question and confirmed that report, causing him to withdraw his previous support for advancing the bill.

    “I was strongly in favor of the motion to proceed before I read the comments by Senator McConnell,” he said. “The ‘don’t worry about it, it’s too far in the future, it’ll never happen.’ I’ve confirmed those comments with the senators they were made to, learned they were largely accurate, and I find those comments very troubling. It really does put in jeopardy the motion to proceed.”

    http://talkingpointsmemo.com/dc/ron-johnson-wisconsin-obamacare-repeal-mcconnell-medicaid

    • Shanzgood

      Wait, he’s not voting for it because it doesn’t make things worse SOON ENOUGH?!

      • mackafritz

        Or that it’s not guaranteed to be horrible.

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        More like he’s not going to vote for something unless it’s actually going to happen. McConnell’s selling the moderates on the idea that they can vote on it and then someone else (read: the Democratic Party) can clean it up and make sure it doesn’t actually happen.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Would you like a handful of my crazy pills?

        • Shanzgood

          I’ve got wine, thanks.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Somehow promising that if people vote for your awesome bill it’ll never come to pass just doesn’t seem like the best strategy.
      “Shit, Mitch, if I vote for it, I won’t know for a while whether you’re lying to me or the guys on the other end of the ideological spectrum, and its chances of coming to pass are fifty-fifty. But if I vote against it, I’ll know for a fact that it won’t come to pass. Gee, what should I do?”

    • mackafritz

      Is McConnell saying “Vote for this and we lose Congress and the presidency.”?

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Wisconsin could have had Feingold again. Good job, Wisconsin!

      • Spurning Beer

        Their surnames are too apt. “Fine gold” versus a slang term for penis.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      This is the problem when you tell two different sets of lies to two sets of people – sometimes they may check with each other.

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      He’s up for reelection in 2020, and I’ve never heard him be such a moderate. He stands for nothing but his donors’ interestes. Mark my word, this is one scared shitweasel.

  • Michael R


    It looks Like Trump ( and Kris Kobach ) got some of the effect they desired

    This is happening in other states too .

    Nearly 4,000 Colorado voters have canceled their voter registrations after the Trump administration’s embattled Election Integrity Commission requested personal voter information from the state.

    http://www.rawstory.com/2017/07/thousands-of-coloradans-cancel-voter-registrations/

  • HazooToo
    • OutOfOrbit

      That donut work, I think, I guess, purdy sure it don’t.

      • Shanzgood

        NOW you tell me.

      • puredog

        It’s never worked for me.

  • jaspersdad

    So, this is the leading headline in Canada today.

    “Trump administration reveals goals for NAFTA talks.”

    “In an 18-page summary released Monday, the USTR outlines how the U.S. will seek to eliminate NAFTA’s Chapter 19 dispute resolution panels. Canada uses these to appeal duties on things like softwood lumber, and the elimination of the panels was perceived as a potential red line for Canadian negotiators heading into the talks, expected to begin Aug. 17.”

    Good luck with that trumpy.

    http://www.cbc.ca/news/politics/nafta-ustr-negotiating-objectives-monday-1.4208459?__vfz=profile_comment%3D9067100009102#

  • JD Mulvey
    • snigsy

      He could hide that hat in his jowls.

      • SDGeoff3

        Compared to what he can fit up his damn fat ass these days.

        • snigsy

          Maybe his true calling is shoplifting. He’d put the “petty” back in petty crime.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef
    • Bemused Australian
      • WHY do you have one of those things?

        • Bemused Australian

          When I find my plastic Obama garden gnome, I’ll upload a pic of him wearing it!

          • OutOfOrbit

            Plz donut do dat.

          • Bemused Australian

            U cannot stop my freedumz!11`!!

      • JD Mulvey

        Hey, but… If you’re in Australia, how did you get one of those?

        (Recalling how the rightwing’s heads exploded when they thought a Canadian had gotten hold of a Hillary t-shirt.)

        • Bemused Australian

          A friend brought it back from the US for me. I collect political doodads.

          • JD Mulvey

            In about three years, every junk shop in America will have bins full of these.

          • Richard Jokes

            I predict we’ll be seeing a certain segment of the population wearing these to the grave.

          • JD Mulvey

            I disagree. Eventually they’ll all pretend they never liked him.

    • The Wanderer

      All hat, no cattle.

      • hudson srinivasan

        well put. at the very least no skin in the game. made in russia preznit yapping on is all it is.

      • Reximus

        Isn’t bullshit a form of cattle?

    • Bub, Zombie in mourning

      The totality of his ugliness surpasses description. Pure human slime. Liquid pig shit in an ill-fitting suit.

    • Anna Elizabeth, Invicta

      Be proud, GOP. You built this, with an assist from the assholes and worthless wastes-of-skin we may laughingly call “the media”.

      • Persistent Demme

        Amen.

    • Lamb Urgini
      • JD Mulvey

        Hagman’s more convincing.

        • JD Mulvey

          … which is surprising, considering Hagman played the dumbest, by far, character on any 60s tv sitcom.

      • Yr. Gma

        It’s against the rules for me to say what I wish the person who shot JR would do now.

    • OutOfOrbit

      Dohph. Duhpft.

    • hudson srinivasan

      what a joke. a made in russia preznit singing paens to made in america tchotchke.

    • suziq

      Does that hat not fit him or does he just not know how to wear it?

      • JD Mulvey

        They tried valiantly to size it properly for his bloated, saggy blob of a head, but they couldn’t do anything about his hunched-back and his doofus facial expression.

        Made In America Week will cause Stetson sales to plummet.

        • suziq

          Nah, the hat still looks good, just the head under it not so good. Had to check to see what WA has represented: Liberty Bottles? I have lived in this state for 62 years and I have never heard of them. Only about a million better choices but guess I am not picking them.

          • JD Mulvey

            My guess is they decided on this 50-state gimmick about two days ago… This event has that “White House Easter Egg Roll” look all over it.

          • suziq

            Wouldn’t be surprised, I think I heard about it yesterday.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      So he sat in a fire truck and wore a cowboy hat today. Congratulations, America! Your president is 5 year old.

    • jowgajen

      Please tell me this is Photoshop.

      • Parakeetist

        Nope, sorry.

    • Augustus

      Definitely a case of, “all hat — no cattle.”

      Edit: sorry, someone down below already beat me to it

    • Richard Jokes

      Great, an oversized hat to go with his oversized suits and ties, completing his ‘fat old man in a bag’ look.

      Do pictures exist of him putting the hat on with his tiny hands?

    • Persistent Demme

      What a piece of shit he is.

  • Claire

    So this might be the wine talking, but: tonight I was reading editorials on the NYT condemning Trump in the strongest terms, and I was like, “You know what, NYT? Shut the fuck up. Seriously. Shut up.”

    I was just so furious all of a sudden. Shut the fuck up, NYT, until you’ve done some public soul-searching over the fact that you and the rest of the media gave us President Trump by treating Hillary’s every email like the Apocalypse while giving Trump billions of dollars worth of free publicity. Shut up with condemning him until you can openly deal with your role in electing him.

    I want to see some members of the media apologize, goddammit. I want to hear them acknowledge, out loud, that their pursuit of ratings has cost this country everything it’s built up since World War II. I want them to admit that they’ve become lapdogs for the kakistocracy. I want them to admit, officially, that their both-sides-ism has brought the country to the point it’s at.

    Basically, I haz a mad. Shut up, NYT, you have no credibility on this topic.

    • SDGeoff3

      Thank you very much for this. Some days I really want to stomp and scream, but the neighbors would probably call the cops, and we’d all wind up dead.

    • Bemused Australian

      Blame the editors, not the journalists. Sleaze is cheap, easy, and it sells. All the big US media outlets behaved badly about Trump until he actually got elected. Only after the fact were the investigative journos let out of their pens.

      • Ducksworthy

        Yes. And I think I’m beginning to see the stirrings of a moral consciousness among some of the journalists that is actually reaching beyond the corporate “both sides do it” barrier.

        • OutOfOrbit

          Oh so nice to be sorry now… for FUCKING BURNING THE JOINT DOWN around our ears!…ON FUCKING PURPOSE!

          • Persistent Demme

            THIS!

      • Pisto75666

        Blame the editors, not the journalists.

        WHY NOT BOTH??

    • Sedagive ’em Hell

      Preach it!

    • OutOfOrbit

      All that is due but we’ll never see it cuz those peeps have no sense of HONOR. And now they are just following new trend for reader/listener/viewership.

    • Anna Elizabeth, Invicta

      I would hate “journalists”, but it would be like hating bacteria.

      Better just to flush them like a toilet full of diarrhea.

    • Juan de Fuca

      I get where you’re coming but I hope they keep doing exactly what they’re at least doing now. And they were reporting honest news about Trump during the election. Let’s not fall into the same trap the RWNJ’s are by blaming the MSM for all of our problems.

      Blame people who were dumb enough to vote for Trump.

      • Shanzgood

        I’m ok with also blaming the people who have been giving HRC exaggeratedly bad press over nothing for years and years who helped cause people to NOT vote for her, too.

        • Juan de Fuca

          Anyone who was persuaded to not vote for HRC because the NYT reported a story about her emails probably wasn’t very serious about voting for HRC.

          • Claire

            I think you’re underestimating the effects of thirty years of attack articles in a newspaper that many people view as the American paper of record. People, particularly Trump-demographic men, have been told for decades that Hillary is the devil. For the NYT to come along and validate that bullshit narrative was not a trivial thing. If the media had as little effect on voters as you make it sound like they have, elderly white men in rural areas would not still be terrified that Obama is going to land in a helicopter full of Muslim Brotherhood activists to take their guns.

          • Persistent Demme

            For starters, how about combining all of the email stuff with all the free publicity they gave Donald.

          • Juan de Fuca

            How about thanking them for what they’re doing now instead of doing the “would’ve, could’ve, should’ve” revisionist history thing? I get that we’re all pissed off about Donald Trump. But blaming the NYT’s for it? Donald Trump was news. The NYT, being a source of news reported about Donald Trump.

            I followed the election news as all of us did. They did their job, IMO, especially if Trump’s been attacking them for the past year or so.

            Blame the people who voted for Trump. Then again, if the NYT is catching flack from all sides, it might mean they’re doing their job right.

          • crisptickle

            All the other news outlets follow the NYT closely, to see what’s the accepted wisdom on any given topic.

      • Claire

        Oh, believe me, I blame them too. There is enough blame to go around. But I’d argue that the media did not report honest news about Trump – his mob ties, his Russian ties, his sexual assaults, and everything else were right there for the reporting, but they got a byline at best while “Hillary’s emails omg!!!!” blared from every headline.

        • Claire

          Also: the NYT, if I recall correctly, was the paper that published that big “Oh LOL the whole Russian thing is a big load of nothing and there was totally no collusion” article right before the election. For that alone, their editors are going to burn in Hell.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            Don’t forget they also didn’t bother to mention his fake university, or his fake charity either.

          • Little Lulu Ω

            Or to dig into those crimes of his on a daily basis until everyone who should have been outraged from the outset was prepared to send him to Guantanamo. They didn’t. But they printed those email stories every damn day because Hillary Clinton.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            A lot of people blame the media for Trump’s “win.” I do think they dropped the ball, but it also shows us just how dumb this country has gotten thanks to fake news outlets like Fox “News.” Sixty million morons thought a con man, and life long liar, who was on tape talking about grabbing women by their pussies, would make a good president. Let that sink in to your brain for a minute. That REALLY makes me want to leave this country, but unfortunately, I don’t have the money.

          • fergawdssakes

            not so and it is the chumps who think the Times is commie fake news.

          • Persistent Demme

            I will NEVER forgive them!

        • Juan de Fuca

          Despite all of that, and everything you said was correct – Hillary still won the popular election because critically thinking people saw through the bullshit and voted for her. People who were going to vote for Trump were going to vote for him no matter the NYT covered about him.

          I get where you’re coming but all of this “blame the MSM” stuff is wearing me out. On the right and the left.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            I’m beginning to wonder if Trump really even won the electoral college, and I am NOT a conspiracy nut.

          • Juan de Fuca

            I still believe there’s something behind the story that came out a few days after he was elected. The one the IT dude wrote about how it would’ve been possible for Russia to hack the machines in the swing states. Everybody blew it off at first but with the slow drip of info being provided in part by the NYT and their excellent reporting (IMO), it’s becoming more plausible now. I’m not a conspiracy nut either, but after I read the IT guy’s story I thought – yeah, that could’ve happened exactly like that.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            I’m starting to believe that they were so balls deep in our election, what would have stopped them from throwing a few states to Trump?

          • Juan de Fuca

            Yup. And I’m just saying there was probably some truth behind that story…

            Drip. Drip. Drip…

          • Claire

            I was on the “But there’s no evidence that vote totals were hacked” until I found out that, actually, no one had even checked to see if vote databases were hacked. States need to go do an actual audit, then we’ll talk.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            Yeah, I am starting to have serious doubts about that election. I KNOW Bush didn’t win either, so this is really chafing my ass.

          • Wild Cat

            It was a hacked election.

          • OutOfOrbit

            I believe a lot of people were leaning toward HRC & MSM pushed them the other way.

          • Claire

            I’m not blaming them entirely; it’s up to the voters to vote in a way that will represent their interests, not to vote for whoever their preferred news channel tells them to.

            But I’m not sure we’re talking about the same thing. It seems like you’re talking about the influence of the NYT on voters – and it has basically none on Trump voters, I agree. I’m talking about them taking responsibility for the message they put out. If they put out the message that Hillary’s emails are horrible apocalyptic corruption, they don’t, in my opinion, have the right to go back now and pontificate about how horrible it is that Hillary’s opponent was elected. They presented him as if he was a normal candidate and her as if she were a criminal; they don’t get to go back now and talk as if everyone else is an idiot for not understanding that she wasn’t a normal candidate and she wasn’t a criminal.

            The media has a responsibility to present information in a way that will be in the interests of the country, not in a way that will earn the most money for the owners of newspapers. That’s why it’s called the Fourth Estate. The both-sides-ism has done real damage to American politics by refusing to acknowledge the drift of the Republican party from conservatives to radicals. They don’t get to bitch about the results of their mode of coverage until they’ve come to terms with how damaging that mode of coverage was.

          • crisptickle

            right: the influence of the NYT on a lot of voters is probably small, but the influence of the NYT on the media those voters follow, is not small.

      • They were NOT reporting honest news about Trump. They would cover something and then in the next paragraph detail how it was worse when some Democrat did something not even related.
        Every fucking time.
        No honesty involved.

    • Wild Cat

      The news shows they ran on a private network on behalf of Time-Warner Cable called NY1 were worse. They were HRC hatefests. The Habermans let every email lie go unchallenged.
      They can never redeem themselves.

    • DirtyHippyLiberal

      That is some articulate wine. Riesling? A nice Chardonnay?

  • mancityRed6

    “masturbate himself into a week-long coma”
    wait, is that an option?

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      It takes a LOT of practice.

      • mancityRed6

        33 years now, I think I know what I’m doing.
        wait

    • Bemused Australian

      Is it an induced coma while the chafing heals?

      • mancityRed6

        chafing doesn’t start until you hit double digits

        • Spurning Beer

          C’mon. You have to use more than two digits.

          • mancityRed6

            don’t make fun, it’s a condition

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      wouldn’t that be a cuma? I’ll show myself out.

    • Major_Major_Major

      I refer to that as ” when Mrs_M3 and the kids are at the In-Laws”.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    This one is for TJ Barke. Don’t let these cynical pricks win.

    “It’s tight; he had to delay a vote due to John McCain’s emergency surgery because McConnell has no votes to spare. There will be a CBO score coming that deals with the truly awful amendment proposed by Tailgunner Ted Cruz, a provision that will go a long way toward legalizing door-to-door insurance fraud, and that score likely will be truly awful. But McConnell’s banking on the kind of beaten-down cynicism that blinds politicians to their public duties and blinds their constituents to their own self-interest. That’s been a pretty good bet over the past few decades. The more the latter phenomenon prevails, the more the former course of action makes sense to the people who run for office. It’s easier to answer to a constituency of donors and PAC rats than it is to a constituency of people who’ve simply given up. That’s what Mitch McConnell is counting on.

    You can tell this by the reaction of Republicans in Congress to the folks back home. They’re ducking town halls; Speaker Paul Ryan has been a conspicuous poltroon in this regard. They are profoundly unfamiliar with the concept of seriously unfriendly pushback and seriously unfriendly citizen involvement, because the Republican triumphalism of the past 30-odd years has been based on churning up their base with lies while using the instruments of government and their own pet media octopus to suppress the vote and the energy for self-government on the other side. Shoe on the other foot now, and it’s pinching just a little.”

    http://www.esquire.com/news-politics/politics/news/a56369/mcconnell-healthcare-plan/

    • TJ Barke

      Points for “poltroon”

  • theCryptofishist
    • HazooToo

      Interesting. Disabled people parking themselves outside their offices doesn’t seem to result in anything besides the activists getting arrested. They may claim “those aren’t my real constituents!” but actually, this goes beyond the state level. This is going to affect people in EVERY FUCKING STATE IN THE COUNTRY. Doesn’t matter if they live in California or some other blue powerhouse. They’ll be fucked too. If your senator votes no, but 50 others vote yes, you are still fucked. So I don’t see where that argument matters at all.

      • theCryptofishist

        I don’t know if I can find it again, but I thought I was linking to an article about a Nevada senator getting death threats. I probably hate most of this guy’s policies, but it was still a gut level fear response.

        • HazooToo

          It was. I just completely sidetracked to the constituent thing because I was afraid I might slip up and break the commenting rules. I can absolutely empathize with people who are feeling personally threatened on a life-or-death level by this administration. For a lot of them, it’s true. They’ll die.

    • GreenGoldSharpie

      Honestly, part of this is the removal of pork spending and earmarks.

      The other part is Americans have decided they hate government. Nothing will get better until that changes.

      • Note hate. They have been taught to mistrust it as a: a nefarious enterprise and b: nothing that affects them personally.
        I used to say they were wrong on both fronts but anymore….

      • TJ Barke

        The problem is Americans’ perception of government as some hostile external entity rather than a tool to be wielded for their own benefit.

    • Claire

      That’s a really interesting article, thanks for posting it. I think GreenGoldSharpie is right – it boils down to a fundamental difference in ideas about what taxes and government is for, and I’m not sure that economics will change without a wholesale attitude change.

  • Joe Beese

    Haley Byrd, the bare-shouldered succubus, tweets that Rep. Mark Meadows (R-NC) has “100% confidence” that the GOP budget resolution doesn’t have the votes to pass on the House floor.

    • SDGeoff3

      We’ll see.

  • Ricky Gay

    Sean of the Dead?

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      I can’t, in good conscience, allow that to slide. Therefore, zombie libelz!

    • HazooToo

      Shaun libelz too

      • Ricky Gay

        Dead libel. There, I said it!

  • Me not sure
  • Picabo

    How did you become a Wonkateer? I was following Southern Beal’s blog and clicked on her blogroll. Been here ever since. Thank you Southern Beale.

    https://southernbeale.wordpress.com/

    Please tell your story.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      My path to Wonkette is lost in an alcohol haze. I do know I spent so much time on Wonkette at my last job, I pasted a screen shot on my monitor when I left the job so people would think I still “worked” there.

    • Bec Jenn

      I followed BCO (Pinkham) from Jezebel. Loved the snark and have stayed ever since.

      • Richard Jokes

        Same here.

        • My, there are a lot of us

          • Richard Jokes

            And here I thought you had all been around so much longer than I.

          • Nope. Just got in on the late night threads and got to know people. I was working the evening shift a lot when i first started here, so i was usually up late

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      a FB friend who’s also a friend IRL re-posted an article about five years ago. I clicked on it and never left.

    • HazooToo

      I ejected from Gawker after Pinkham came here, and they went batcrap crazy outing gay people and deleting articles and being dumb as fuck about trolls and comments. I followed Pinkham here, but I still haven’t received my free gun!

      • Beanz&Berryz

        The gun came wrapped in Soros dollars under your Obamaphone.

        • HazooToo

          Aw, shit, that’s what that was?! Son of a bitch, I traded that for a Pussy Hat!

    • Well, i followed Pinkham in the migration from the site that shall not be named, but quickly fell in love with the whole site.

      • DirtyHippyLiberal

        Same. May Pinkham be blessed for leading me to Wonkette.

        • tbh, we are blessed for what Pinkham brought.
          You guys and pinky and all, some awesome folks

    • WomanInThePersistence

      I stumbled across this site fairly early during the primaries. It seemed a good thing that there were supporters of both Hillz and Bernie here, and that people were snarky, but civil. I became a lurker until the Great Nevada Bernie-Hillz Clusterfuck. Feelings were certainly running high, but I appreciated that the majority of posters argued the election, that it wasn’t just a series of “Fuck you, you fucking asshole.”

      Plus, you all are very funny, witty people whom I like a lot.

    • hudson srinivasan

      i stick around here because it seems like the junta* here gave me the benefit of doubt.

      * i’m on a single man mission to reclaim the word junta. junta (not hunta but as in jay + unta) is a common word describing common folk.

      • thought it “You folks” in certain parts of PA?
        Like….Junta go the mall?

        • hudson srinivasan

          didn’t get it. but yes, the junta go to the bazaar. in their best dresses. if only to buy groceries.

    • OutOfOrbit

      I “discovered” Snipy and came here just to read her, never looked at a comment till after she left, found the comments by following side-boob click-bait & it was almost a year before I jumped in with the other foot.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        I was soooooo nervous on my first comment.

        • OutOfOrbit

          I was sooooo creepy.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Well I must have missed that. You don’t seem terribly creepy.

          • I was obnoxious.
            Some things never change.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Nonsense. You are smart, funny and charming.

      • Yr. Gma

        *sniff sniff* Snipy is gone.

      • Vecchioivan

        I was born here. I’m Ana Marie Cox’s love child.

        • Give her a hug for us, eh?

        • mancityRed6

          …son?

        • OutOfOrbit

          And she is still hot after all these years.

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      I found the site about the time Hillary cinched the nomination and I was really impressed with how mature the Bernie supporters were being and then I stayed for the snark. And the dick jokes. And the swag, I gots me a very nice collection of Wonkette swag.

    • mancityRed6

      it kept showing up on the editor’s picks on the google news page.
      I kept lurking until I signed back into the disqus account I made for Crooks and Liars a couple of years before.
      I got a helluva lot of support just when I needed it most, been here ever since.

    • Yr. Gma

      I first arrived when the Palin horrors began, thanks to that old man in the hospital, John McCain. I lurked for years thereafter. It was Ben Carson who finally pushed me over the edge into non-commenting.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        At last, a good result from Ben Carson’s political career.

        • I also learned about pyramidal grain storage from him

          • Bemused Australian

            That was news to me as well. And I watch Ancient Aliens!

      • Bemused Australian

        I is going to see a film about Ben Carson’s campaign at the Melbourne Film Festival. It looks interesting.

        http://miff.com.au/program/film/pacmen

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Can’t remember if it was coming from The Comics Curmudgeon or TBogg’s joint over at FDL (which I stopped reading when they went full in the tank for primarying Obama from the left in 2012). Lurked for a while, then started commenting.

    • Google had a side bar thing saying you might also like. So I went to check it out, near peed my pants, and lurked a good year before venturing to post.
      Now I post almost no where else XD

      • There are other websites that are not youtube and the totally legal streaming site is use for MSNBC?

        • Allegedly, I would not know anymore XD No, I kid, I still keep myself very well informed when I see a thing, you know, check multi sources and such, but I don’t bother scrolling to the comments anymore.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        I’m so glad you do.

    • BeachBum

      Google news page had a great headline, about GOP candidates I think. I thought it was too good to be true but I clicked the linky and been here ever since.

    • Bemused Australian

      I clicked on a post about nazi flat earthers, and tried to ‘splain some physics to a confused troll. The people here seemed nice (and experience has confirmed this) so I stayed.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        The people here are nice. You made a good call.

        • Bemused Australian

          You have always been lovely. Apart from the Llama stuff, but you have cheese so it all balances out.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            And what is your problem with llamas?

            J/K!

    • Bobathonic

      I have no idea what site pointed me here. I lurked occasionally over a few years, because I like the snark. Then I succumbed to the ad-free baby lion of cuteness and figured if I’m investing, I might as well throw my snark in the ring.

    • Spurning Beer

      I think I started about 11 years ago, when Mark Foley was exfoliating with congressional interns. Ana Marie Cox was gone from Wonkette, but Ken Layne hadn’t started yet, I think. AMC would be on Keith Olbermann’s show a lot, though, and she was billed as former Wonkette editor. That’s how I tuned in. I started non-commenting pretty quickly, first as Whitey Righty, then as Zvi Bleindmeis, then as Spurning Beer.

  • hudson srinivasan
    • Msgr_MΩment

      Okay, good, good, good. Been there, done that. How do we NOT do all that stuff?

      • hudson srinivasan

        i had like 200 bucks my dad slipped in on the side for my “expenses” (smokes and stuff for the year). my dad was like immensely proud of me for being the first in the family to do applied math and do it with demonstrable facility. on the last day at home he gave me the “talk” about the birds and the bees but neither he nor anybody else told me i could’ve started an IRA with that.

    • BeachBum

      Silly me ! I was using a car wash I got from a Mr. White. Got a good deal though.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    “Made in America week is going great! Got the idea from Made in Russia week at my inauguration!” #DeletedTrumpTweets

  • jowgajen

    Many witty replies and such here, I giggled.

    https://twitter.com/bilalfarooqui/status/887025375754166272

  • Bec Jenn

    The probably belongs more on the Jeff Flake piece, but just found out that there is indeed a Dem running against Flake. Her name is Deedra Abboud http://deedra2018.com/ I do hope she has a chance. Perhaps there may be other candidates, I’m just hopeful that maybe, just maybe there is a chance. I mean, hell, Ms. Kirckpatrick came closer to McCain than anyone has in quite a while.

    • jesterpunk

      Well if Turnip is going to attack Flake and try and get him voted out of office she may have a good chance.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    I hate Jeff Flake, but if he stands up to Dumpster and gives him a “Come at me, bro!” I would at least have a smidgen of respect for him.

    • Holly

      Grudgingly…yes. Just the smallest smidgen, K?

  • m3bosha

    I have to go to the DMV tomorrow. Not the easy peasy renew your registration DMV, but the please kill me DMV where the new 16 year old drivers have to go get shit done. I did make an appointment, but that only cuts the fresh hell down to about 2 1/2 hours instead of 4. Oh… and then I get to pay for his insurance. I think I’m going to call it “Black Tuesday”.

    • GreenGoldSharpie

      Ah, the suffering….

      I was there in June. ;-)

    • Bemused Australian
    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Yikes! You must not live in KY where we put the licenses in cereal boxes. At least, I assume that’s how some of these people around here got licenses.
      You want a good time, come to a small KY town on “Free Methamphetamine Sample Day.”

      • Bemused Australian

        “Free Methamphetamine Sample Day.”

        There are signs here in Victoria that read “Police enforcing Speed”. Can’t seem to find the ones who are dispensing it though.

      • BeachBum

        Damn and here I thought McWeesel was a shit senator !

    • BeachBum

      Ya gotta think of the positive.
      A designated driver.
      Can take own ass to school, work and other activities.
      Someone to go get takeout.
      Someone to send to the video store. Mmm, skip that one.
      Transport to and from airport, train, and trolley.
      Take Grandma to doctor.
      Take YOU to doctor. Pick up prescriptions.
      Relief driver on long trips.
      Possible grandchildren a helluva lot sooner than expected.

      • m3bosha

        Hmmmm. Already thought of the DD thing. We are so going to more BBQs now. And own ass to school is fantastic. However, the sex/car angle I had not thought about. This is clearly a job for dad. Time for yet another condom conversation.

        • BeachBum

          I can’t think of the movie but there’s a scene where the son is with his date, opens the glove box, and a big long roll of condoms falls out. His date freaks out, so he says ” I didn’t put them there!” She yells “who did?” He says “my Mom.” She gets out of the car and calls her friend to come get her from this “pervert.”
          Wish I could remember the movie, sorry.

    • Jamoche

      If they still insist on testing parallel park, summer is the best time to take the test. I learned to drive in a Texas suburb where there was not one single parking spot that wasn’t pull-in, so my parallel skills were rusty. I totally forgot my 17′ long Grand Prix had AC (it sucked all the power out of the engine) so by the time we got to the parallel station we were both dripping. The cop just said “No way am I sitting in this big hot car for this” and off we went. Win!

      It was 30 years before I ever needed to do that again, and then it was in a car suited for the task.

      • True story: When I learned to drive, my folks taught me all the rules and I could 3 point turn like a MAAM
        When I went for my test, I pulled up to this weeeeee little spot, did a perfect three point turn, and the guy was all…wtf dude, parallel park.
        And I was all…do what now?

        • Jamoche

          Heh, there’s a car ad running now where the girl taking the test does that: https://www.ispot.tv/ad/wZwH/infiniti-spring-event-driving-test

        • Bobathonic

          I learned on and took the test in my Dad’s Austin Healey Sprite. The parking spot could fit my Mom’s behemoth of a New Yorker. No. Contest.

          • Holly

            No shit! I took my test in my brother’s Triump TR6. Mom’s car was a land barge of a Ford Crown Vic station wagon.

          • Bobathonic

            We had a beast like that. IIRC we sold it to an Aussie who was driving across country. So we learned “Yank tank”.

        • Bemused Australian

          Three point turns are a poor substitute for lighting up the tyre and making the turn in one. Just sayin’.

      • mancityRed6

        I taught myself how to parallel park this
        https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/004068e600b24ead192ee67069a3fe7c9e471d4a87ca9b6a810ed7c24c99e416.jpg
        trailer, too, because it might have come up on the driving test.

        • Christopher Story

          Respect

      • m3bosha

        Thankfully, he already took and passed the test. We paid the driver’s ed school peeps to do it because the DMV was booked two months out. They did not make him parallel park (whew!). But it is still takes hours just to submit paperwork and take a picture, we were there for over 4 hours to get his permit.

    • mancityRed6

      the lovely thing in Kansas City suburbs, you can text a number and get in line.
      then you don’t have to spend your day waiting in the office.

    • Holly

      Molotov! As a parent that is one of the truest rights of passage you’ll ever have to endure. Good luck to the new driver. Good luck to you too.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    This version of Sean Spicer hasn’t had his firmware updated yet. No biggie.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Windows 95 is a real bitch to update.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        It’s all those discs

        • TundraGrifter

          And don’t get me started on all those AOL disks! I have a desk drawer full.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            “Coasters”

          • TundraGrifter

            I use to hang them in the trees to keep squirrels from our oranges.

    • Jamoche

      They’re having trouble with the bot upgrades
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b6NqscIsidQ

  • TundraGrifter

    “Did Spicer masturbate himself into a week-long coma and miss all the breaking news?”

    It would obviously be inappropriate to judge. Who among us hasn’t?

    • Bobathonic

      It would also be irresponsible not to speculate.

    • mancityRed6

      I wish. best I can manage is maybe 8 hours.

      • If your masturbation lasts for more than 4 hours, switch hands.

        • mancityRed6

          don’t tell me what to do.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        I can only manage a semicoma.

        • mancityRed6

          “;”

  • BreakingDeadMen

    He’s just that used to Trump telling him it’s raining when he does his thing that he does.

    • Richard Jokes

      Trump pays the finest Russian weatherhookers to tell him it’s raining.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
  • DainBramage
    • SNORKKKK
      “No really, vote for it, we’re just putting that stuff in to please the crazies!!!”
      Crazies”Now we’re not gonna vote for it!!!!!”

      • Richard Jokes

        That has been the saga of this repeal attempt.

    • BrendaKay

      Good!

      • Jamoche

        Semi-good – he only pulled his vote because they aren’t fucking people over as much as he wants.

        • BrendaKay

          Yes, I get that, but a win is a win for now…

        • Left Coast Tom

          That’s true.

          But he’s still pulling his vote – and he’s doing so because he doesn’t trust Yertle.

          Good luck putting Humpty Dumpty back together.

    • Royal Ugly Dude

      Fake news! There is no such thing as a moderate Republican senator

      • Msgr_MΩment

        IK,R? Hunted to extinction.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        That’s really rather sad. I’ve never voted Republican in my life, but having sane people who disagree is important to a democracy. I truly believe this.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      McConnell is lying to EVERYONE.

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        I cannot wait until all those Senators turn on him like a pack of rabid chihuahuas.

  • Sophia

    Holy crap! What an asshole!

    Creationists Have Sold Ark Encounter. To Themselves. For $10. To Avoid Taxes.

    Ark Encounter LLC sold its main parcel of land — the one with the life-size Noah’s Ark — for $10 to their non-profit affiliate, Crosswater Canyon. Although the property is worth $48 million according to the Grant County Property Valuation Administrator, the deed says its value is only $18.5 million.
    That’s the latest salvo in an escalating argument between local officials and Ark Encounter, but some are worried Ark Encounter’s maneuver is a precursor to declaring itself exempt from all taxes, including property taxes that help fund Grant County schools.

    http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2017/07/17/creationists-have-sold-ark-encounter-to-themselves-for-10-to-avoid-taxes/

    • Jamoche

      There should be a rule that if you pull shit like that, you are legally required to sell it at that price to any buyer, or immediately re-value it and pay double the tax you avoided.

    • Left Coast Tom

      I’m not a lawyer, nor a KY resident, but I’m not seeing how this would be the sort of “arms length” transaction that would reasonably determine a property assessment.

    • mancityRed6

      this is the kind of bullshit that makes me wish there was a god just so I could laugh at him when I see his fat bloated ass in hell.
      oh, wait. Ken Ham.
      nevermind, the thought stands.

    • TootsStansbury

      Fucking crooks. Even their religion is so goddamn crooked. Phony fuckers.

    • jesterpunk

      Are they still getting the money from the extra tax the city made their employees pay that goes right back to them?

      • Sophia

        Probably. I would have to look back at the reason for that but probably one thing doesn’t have anything to do with the other if the original company still holds the loan. Also they apparently only sold the land the Ark sits on so they wouldn’t have to pay a 0.50 per ticket to the city to help with emergency services. This fight over money has been going on a while now.

        • jesterpunk

          I know they are not really related but can the city take back that deal and keep the money for themselves?

          • Sophia

            Going to need an actual lawyer on this, probably there will be a lot of lawyers on this, but they’ve been playing some kind of for proit/non-profit game for a while. Donations to the non-profit, tax incentives (including the TIF) to the for profit.

            What is a TIF?
            I myself was unfamiliar with TIF districts until a few weeks ago. But let me attempt a simple explanation: TIF stands for “Tax Increment Financing” and they’re usually issued in urban areas that are considered “blighted.” For example, suppose there was an abandoned shopping mall in a deteriorating community. A TIF can be set up to attract developers whose businesses may revitalize the area. The district officials could, for example, give the developers interest-free loans to build their project based on what they expect they can retrieve in property taxes over the next 30 years. That’s it. The developers don’t have to do anything differently from if they hadn’t been issued the TIFs at all. But now, rather than the property taxes going back to the community, the tax revenue is diverted to pay off the loan.
            This can be a great help to the local economy if the development is a long-term success — it’s money well invested. The downside is, if the new developments fall short of projections (or fail entirely), the developers aren’t held liable for repayment and the burden of debt falls on the investors and taxpayers.
            TIFs are controversial for a number of reasons and they’ve been discontinued in California, the first U.S. state to implement their use, because of the numerous lawsuits they led to (not to mention other unintended consequences).
            Ark Encounter is being funded by a $62 million TIF.
            It turns out the majority of Ark Encounter is being funded by a TIF granted by the City of Williamstown, Kentucky. On November 1, 2012, a Memorandum of Agreement (begins on page 55) approving $62 million in funding for Ark Encounter, LLC was signed by officials of Williamstown and the County of Grant.
            It said that, over a 30-year period, 75% of Ark Encounter’s real estate taxes would go toward repayment of the interest-free TIF. So instead of that money going to the city (and the citizens), it’ll be used to repay those bonds.
            Also — pay attention to this one, potential Ark Park staffers — all employees working within the TIF district (that is, Ark Encounter) will pay a 2% job assessment fee on gross wages. In other words, $2 out of every pre-tax $100 dollars you make will go directly to paying off the for-profit Noah’s Ark attraction.
            You can view the bond issued by The City of Williamstown to Ark Encounter here and here.
            According to Section VIII of the Memorandum of Agreement, in addition to the $62 million, the city and county agreed to other incentives (courtesy of local taxpayers):
            $175,000 would be given to Ark Encounter to reimburse the amount they felt the property was overvalued.
            $19,000 would go to Ark Encounter’s real estate agent, representing 2% of the total purchase price of the land.
            98 acres of Grant County land would be sold to Ark Encounter for $1 (yes, one dollar).
            These are perfect examples of public funding, regardless of Ken Ham saying again and again that, “No money will be taken out of the state’s budget to fund the Ark.”
            Ark Encounter, LLC is a for-profit controlled by a non-profit.
            To shed some light on how Answers in Genesis is able to siphon money from every direction, let’s look at a few of the legal gymnastics taking place:
            Crosswater Canyon, controlled by Answers in Genesis, is a non-profit that owns and operates two for-profit companies, Creation Museum, LLC and Ark Encounter, LLC. All donations for the project come in through the non-profit Crosswater Canyon, but all the tax incentives are applied to the for-profit Ark Encounter, LLC.

            http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2015/11/11/what-ken-ham-isnt-telling-you-about-ark-encounter-funding/

          • jesterpunk

            Interesting read, thank you. I wonder how their shady sale affects the TIF and if that can be revoked.

  • That picture of Hiding Spice looks like he is now wearing a shit ton of makeup.
    So basically…they poof for makeovers?

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I suspect the makeup may be camouflage. After all, he’s in an abusive relationship with Trump. I’m half expecting him to say “I hit myself in the face with a door” when someone from the press asks him how he got a black eye.

  • Bub, Zombie in mourning
    • Man…when Issa starts making sense, you know we live in weird times.

      • Left Coast Tom

        Issa has to try and look like he’s making sense (he also joined a Congressional Caucus for doing something about global warming…). He almost lost to a Sierra Club activist in the last election, he’s got a huge target painted on his back.

        • Left Coast Tom

          “almost lost”, not “barely lost”…editing…

  • Michael R
  • Picabo

    So about a year ago Senator Jeff Flake was on “Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me”. Host Peter Sagal and the Senator had a good round of banter. I love Peter Sagal. Jeff Flake, not so much. But at least he has a sense of humor and was on the show.

  • Cogswell – in a mirror darkly
  • Jeff Mc Donald

    This whole “no cameras at the briefings” thing is interesting to me. Is the thinking that it’s OK to listen to me lie, but I don’t want you to see it? Kind of like a little kid who thinks they are hiding if they close their eyes?

    • See no evil.

    • Andy_Kreiss

      Maybe they’re doing a lot of winking and stifling giggles.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      How else do you think they could hide their crossed fingers behind their backs?

      I just about plotzed watching Mike Pence say “we’re not cutting Medicaid.” Even Susan “Endora” Collins wasn’t swallowing that horseshit sandwich.

    • Richard Jokes

      They know their base doesn’t have the attention span for sound bites and quotes, and they can drown that stuff out anyway. They don’t want the administration all over youtube anymore.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      Fear of The Daily Show.

    • HazooToo

      What really upsets me, more than the crazy demands, is the press just fucking ACCEPTING IT! What the actual fuck? Turn the cameras on, or do. not. fucking. go. Jesus fucking christ, grow some balls and stand up for your goddamn profession and position.

      • starfanglednut

        Right? And there’s not much point in going anyway, as spicy is just going to lie the whole time. Their energy would be better spent doing some actual investigative journalism and taking these motherfuckers down.

        • HazooToo

          Exactly. Imagine how much more time they would have for digging through their receipts if

          they DIDN’T have to spend hours each week getting lied to and diligently writing it all down!

  • Delu

    Can’t defend? Pretend it never happened.

    That’s one way of dealing with such.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Hey! You know what seems like a good idea? Being “pro-life” while cutting funding for preventing teen pregnancy!

    “While the world was glued to Trump’s Russian soap opera, the administration quietly cut $213.6 million in funding to prevent teen pregnancy, according to Reveal from the Center for Investigative Reporting.

    Currently, in the United States, one in four women will get pregnant by the age of 20. And although teen birth rates have declined over the last two decades, they remain high among poor and minority women.

    The decision from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services will now end a handful of Obama-era grants supporting research into scientifically sound ways to prevent teen pregnancy.

    Pro-life members of the Trump administration, including Health and Human Services Secretary Tom Price, have vocally opposed federal funding for birth control. Many have also supported abstinence over contraception.”

    LULZ! Yeah, telling the kids to “just not bone each other” has always been successful.

    https://www.thecut.com/2017/07/trump-cut-usd213-million-in-funds-to-prevent-teen-pregnancy.html

    • Yr. Gma

      It could revive those shotgun weddings the Incel boys were waxing nostalgic over.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Maybe they’ll finally be able to find someone to marry them if there are a bunch of young women with children that need supporting. Win win for Republicans!

        • Old town Urbandale

          Maybe the idea is that these young unmarried girls can be counseled into giving up their babies to adoption by good Evangelical couples who are infertile, so the unfortunate couples can fill their quiver like Jesus wants them to!

    • Holly

      Kids and their raging hormones. What could possibly happen!?!

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        You have to admit that after Nancy Reagan’s “Just Say No” campaign, nobody EVER used drugs again. Total success! I expect the “Just Say No to Boning” will be equally as successful.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Those people are not, actually, “pro-life”. Of course you know that.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Once they overturn Roe V. Wade, they’ll shift their energies to making sure that all the beautiful babies don’t get food or medical care. These aren’t really my idea of “Christians.”

  • Two glass cassrole dishes and the food left in my kitchen! I AM achieving things!

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    Handy advice – if you receive a letter from my office saying we’re not going to allow you to volunteer because of an undisclosed criminal history (including outstanding warrants for your arrest), it is not helpful to:

    1) Immediately threaten to sue for slander
    2) Accuse the person you’re speaking to of making up the accusations
    3) Demand that same person commit a federal offense by providing you a copy of the confidential background report
    4) Continue to yell and berate same person for 10 minutes because they won’t do 3

    • Doug Langley

      My condolences.

    • Left Coast Tom

      Outstanding warrants? You could have cut that conversation short by calling the police?

      • wait! what?

        They could be out of state; that’s a tough call.
        Hmm, I see what I did there…

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        One is Non-extraditable. The other the sheriff is already on it.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Well, that sounds like a lovely day. Just because, *hugs*

    • mancityRed6

      now you tell me

  • chascates
  • HazooToo
    • Bemused Australian

      Quickly, sell the gag to Pixar!

    • Delu

      A service that disposes of Americans?

      I can see a market for that.

      • Michael R

        You just have to decide which state you want to start with

    • grindstone

      I’ve been looking for this picture! I saw it captioned “Meals on Wheels, Raccoon Edition”.

  • tehbaddr

    Why is Spicer still a part of the rolling train wreck? Do they keep him in the basement like a gimp, hooked up to a coal powered fucking machine?

    • GreenGoldSharpie

      He’s the Reek of the Trump Administration, tortured and castrated by Bannon. ;-)

      • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

        It rhymes with freak.

    • mancityRed6

      memories of “how I spent my summer vacation”

    • NorthernSaber

      “Coal Powered Fucking Machine”- wasn’t that a Nine Inch Nails album back in the 90s?

      • tehbaddr

        If not, it should have at least been a track!

        • NorthernSaber

          I will never forget hearing “Animal” unedited on the radio in San Francisco in 1994. Never has a track gotten to the point so directly- and sometimes that really works.

          • tehbaddr

            Yup!

  • Picabo
    • yyyaz

      “Golllleeee, Kim Bob, ya cain’t even wind it up!”

  • Pat Cake

    Back to the bushes where you belong Spice Boy. We’ll call ya when it’s time for dinner. We know you never miss a meal. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/91d454567a3c397894f5d30ceca5f340a3412d0466b59d16833cbad21a84d5f5.jpg

    • Scaredy Spice!

    • weejee

      We know you never miss a meal.

      Or a buffet.

    • mancityRed6

      now that is just cruel
      come on Sean, you don’t have to stay in the bushes, everyone already knows.

    • Delu

      Whoever said that Bushmen can only be found in Africa?

  • Shanzgood

    Getting ready to make Greek quesadillas for dinner! I had almost everything on hand, so…nice!

    http://damndelicious.net/2016/07/23/greek-quesadillas/

    • SnarkON

      Greek quesadillas are almost as delicious as Mexican Stuffed Grape Leaves.

      • Shanzgood

        Erm. Are you making fun of my food?!

        • Bemused Australian

          Clearly SnarkON is not au fait with the particular brand of fusion you are practising.

          • Shanzgood

            I actually DID start thinking about how to make Mexican dolmas before I realized I was getting teased!

          • I’ve made taco won tons before.

          • Bemused Australian

            I… can’t even picture that. The only thing I can think of is the final sequence of Akira, and that can’t be it.

          • It’s just left over taco stuff mashed together in a won ton wrapper, and baked until crispy

          • WomanInThePersistence

            That sounds strangely tasty.

          • And a delightful finger food

          • mancityRed6

            polish sausage rangoons.

          • Juan de Fuca

            I had Galbi, short rib taco’s over the weekend. Dee-fucking-licious.

        • SnarkON

          I’ll stop teasing if you bring me some.

          • Shanzgood

            Best I can do is to let you know how it turns out! So tease away!

          • SnarkON

            Mexican gyros. Mexican Tzatziki. Ouzo margaritas.

          • Shanzgood

            I would DO THAT SHIT!

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      Do you deliver?

      • Richard Jokes

        Shouldn’t you be asking baconz?

        I’ll show myself out.

        • Shanzgood

          Haha!

      • Bemused Australian

        I’m roasting a chicken later today. I’ll mail you some leftovers.

    • weejee

      / covers avatar’s ears

      But, but there’s no bacon in the recipe.

      • Shanzgood

        No, I’m trying to get my daughter to eat it, so…

    • tehbaddr

      YOU MONSTER!!!1111!!11!!!!!111!!!!

  • I am totally rocking this Twitter game that no on else is playing…

    • Bemused Australian

      Twitter is not a game. That shit is serious!

  • Michael R

    Oooh open thread .
    In the 90’s I bought a trash can full of 60’s paperbacks at a flea market ,
    this was the most interesting one :

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/4010d13161abd7ca73c3bfe524099d57bb8b14ba9e13113d4e083463571df3f3.jpg

    • wait! what?

      Lynne Cheney, in her prime.

    • Anna Rompage

      Who knew elder midget porn with Amazon women was a thing back in the 60s too?

    • SnarkON

      I think these are my former sorority sisters.

    • Angry Red Bird DGAF

      101 uses for a bandana.

    • epazote

      Looks like Roger Stone at the center.

      • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

        Head should be more pin like.

        • epazote

          Photo must’ve been taken before someone stuck his head in a vise ?

    • tehbaddr

      There’s gold in them trash bins!

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Shocking! 95¢

  • Anna Elizabeth, Invicta

    I’m watching Apollo 13 again. Damned good film, mostly good history. I really enjoy all the mission control guys, the movie gives a good feel for how many people it took to get a Saturn V up and an Apollo to the Moon.

    “Houston, we have cleared the tower at 13:13.”

    • WomanInThePersistence

      I also have some comfort movies. This is a good one.

      • Anna Elizabeth, Invicta

        Yes! Plus in a few days in the Anniversary of the Apollo 11 landing, I’ve been watching a lot of docs about the Apollo Program.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          I’m about to binge on Jane Austen. She died 200 years ago tomorrow. I’ll mostly do the books, but I may also watch the A&E “Pride and Prejudice”.

          True story, when I was in Britain many years ago, I made a special trip to her grave in Winchester Cathedral. Because she is awesome. And funny.

          This may sound wierd, but I think Miss Jane Austen would have liked it here, or this website.

          • Anna Elizabeth, Invicta

            I think you’re right. I dated a woman that would read Jane Austen continually. She adored them, and I had a feeling she thought I was a Philistine for reading mostly military history. Especially when she told me about getting into debates about the Waterloo sequence in “Pride and Prejudice”.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Oddly, I read both Jane Austen and military history (mostly WWI). I don’t consider them the same, although Captain. Liddell Hart and Miss Austen do seem to have a similarity in tone. That’s probably the first time that sentence has ever been typed out.

          • Anna Elizabeth, Invicta

            Probably. xD

            I have some more books about 1914 on my Wish List. Have you read this one?

            https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2830071f4c297bc06b1f8f5c7b283932775697202eac4d340f7dc556cbdd7e7e.jpg

          • WomanInThePersistence

            I haven’t. But it looks fascinating.

          • Anna Elizabeth, Invicta

            I am so intrigued by the BEF. I think I’ve shown before, I have a small platoon of 1914 BEF painted:

            https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/eabb95d2b359f33e662abe97fd3e7fcc4442d8c0fed905166b7c956b96ce312f.jpg

          • godsaidHA

            Glad to see some Janeites here…wishing this were only the 180th anniversary of her death. She’d have cranked out a few more masterpieces. And I’m wondering WHAT could have been in the deleted comments. Anti-Jane trolls?

    • LucindathePook

      I just love “Work the problem” and try to apply it in my own life.

      • Anna Elizabeth, Invicta

        Indeed. I love Lovell’s bit later, about when he lost radio and cockpit lights in a Banshee jet. “You never know what circumstances will combine to get you home.”

        I try to remember that too, and apply it.

    • mancityRed6

      they had some of the memorabilia here
      http://cosmo.org/
      from the real thing, and the movie.

      • Anna Elizabeth, Invicta

        Cool, thank you. :)

        • mancityRed6

          this is at the desk where you buy entrance:
          http://whizzospace.com/museum/SR-71-2.jpg
          yes, a SR-71 and, I think, an actual space shuttle

          • Anna Elizabeth, Invicta

            Oh SWEET! I adore the SR-71. Is it 959? I can’t quite read the number on the nacelle.

            What a magnificent airplane they are.

          • mancityRed6

            no idea the number, I have a personal picture on a hard drive somewhere, but that is from the web.
            also saw one in the air force museum in Ohio
            http://c8.alamy.com/comp/ANW1W7/sr71-blackbird-at-the-wright-patterson-air-force-museum-in-dayton-ANW1W7.jpg

          • Anna Elizabeth, Invicta

            So pretty! :)

            I have references for the operational history of many of the SR-71s.

          • mancityRed6

            #961 in Hutchison, and 61-7976/17976 at the air force museum is what google is telling me.

          • Anna Elizabeth, Invicta

            Thank you. :)

    • Bemused Australian

      The history is nonsense. All sensible people know know the so called ‘moon landings’ were filmed in a secret bunker underneath Nixon’s opium plantation.

      • Anna Elizabeth, Invicta

        You know they were faked, but we used the Nazi Bell-powered Flying Saucer we captured at Roswell, so we faked them *on* the Moon.

        • AJ Milne

          (Resists temptation to post canonical Mitchell and Webb.)

        • BeachBum

          Its really outta the way, but if you ever get the chance, stop at Roswell. They have a “museum” with an “expert” on the “landings” and the whole town is “aliens.” Even the Wal Mart. Hilarious !

          • Anna Elizabeth, Invicta

            That would be fun. :) I grew up on UFO lore.

  • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

    Howdy gang. Just finished my latest piece. The stone is a Red Creek Jasper from China. I love those because they look like little paintings. I snatched this one from a local rock shop because I love how it looks like a bamboo forest. The mount is sterling silver, a design I call the turtle for obvious reasons. This one is a gift for my daughter in law’s mother. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/1ef6ee03c96392df451ccffb08ff58d8d0581cdba95bd7cbfcf486c2dc222e8f.jpg

    • Anna Rompage

      That’s quite lovely!

      • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

        Thanks

        • Anna Rompage

          I used to build exhibits for OMSI, and every year they’d have a rock and mineral show.

          It was so amazing to see the things people would build out of rocks, minerals & gem stones…

          It ranged from picturesque dioramas, to mini horse drawn carriages. It was quite awesome

          • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

            I love those shows. I’m taking my 8yo granddaughter to the next one to come around here. I’ve already started teaching her the trade and given her some of my duplicate tools.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Pretty! Is mine in the mail?

      • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

        Some day I’ll start making pieces to sell, once I’ve taken care of all the gifts I want to make for family. Maybe I’ll set up an Etsy store. I’ll keep you posted.

        • Bemused Australian

          I love getting stuff from Etsy stores. People make awesome things, and it’s lovely to get stuff that’s handmade and unique.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          Oh, you made that? I thought you had bought it somewhere. Update: I just re-read your post where you said you made it. I am dumb.

          It really is very nice. I think Wonkette needs to set up a site for people to sell stuff, and then take a cut, to help keep the lights on.

          • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

            I’d be up for that.
            How ’bout it Trix?

    • SnarkON

      Very nice!

    • Angry Red Bird DGAF

      Wow. :)

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      So many Wonketteers have mad skillz!

      I, OTOH, have no discernible creative talents.

      • Pierre_de_Fermat

        I can write Powershell scripts. Does that count?

        • Résistance Land Shark Ω

          Yes it does. I have been in AWS hell writing Python code to police my colleagues’ abuse of AWS. Always a joy.

        • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

          I was an RPG IV programmer on IBM platform in my wage slave days. Now that I’m done with that I’m going to spend my dotage working with my hands.

          • Pierre_de_Fermat

            RPG? Geeze. I went through SAS on a mainframe (and other OSs). I think I can still write a DD-stmt to read a non-labeled (NL) tape (no challenge with SL). Unix, Windows, Perl, Powershell the last few years. Actually, kinda fun.

      • shivaskeeper

        Snark is a skill. Just saying.

    • Yr. Gma

      Beautiful.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Beautiful! Thank you.

    • shivaskeeper

      Very good.

  • Jamoche

    California to the coal industry: “fuck off” https://thinkprogress.org/california-100-percent-renewable-4b7530084941

    A bill mandating that California receive all of its electricity from renewable sources passed through a key legislative committee this week, moving the nation’s sixth largest economy one step closer to becoming 100 percent renewable.

    • SnarkON

      This makes me want to move back.

      • Anna Rompage

        If you move to the right place, there IS a taco truck on every corner…

        • SnarkON

          Where is that place, exactly? Asking for my friends who still live in L.A.

        • shivaskeeper

          Those bastards. I have to go several corners to find a taco truck sometimes.

          • Shanzgood

            Mine keep moving around the city so much that there’s a website to keep track of them.

          • shivaskeeper

            Although one of the families that had a taco truck open a brick and mortar restaurant in my town. Fucking awesome. Taco truck style plus some other outstanding family recipes and you can sit down and eat. Rumor is the truck is still out there, but not in one of the cities I go to regularly.

          • Shanzgood

            So sad. Taco trucks are becoming rumors…

          • BeachBum

            You should make an app for that ! Maybe get a free chimichonga now and again.

          • BeachBum

            Where I live, only after the bars close. Er, uh, or so I’ve heard ! ;)

    • epazote

      California is the WORLD’S 6th largest economy (not the nation’s)
      and we are tired of having 25% of our federal tax dollars taken to subsidize moocher red states .
      Federal Revenue Sharing is a program that must be abolished !

      • Jamoche

        Google is failing me – I can’t find out how far the US would drop without California.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Have I mentioned lately that I genuinely LOATHE Mitch McConnell?

    “McConnell has tried to overcome divisions within his caucus by selling his plan as different things to different people. He can tell arch-conservatives that the Ted Cruz amendment, which lets insurers sell plans that discriminate against sick people, will lead to a deregulated individual market where healthy people and sick people are split into different risk pools. And he can tell his mainstream flank the opposite. He can sell the right-wing on the deep Medicaid cuts his plan imposes – not only rolling back Obamacare’s expansion of Medicaid, but then cutting the medicaid budget after that, beginning in 2025. And he can tell the purple-staters that the Medicaid cuts will be reversed before they ever take effect. There are almost certainly not 50 votes for any particular plan. But, by keeping the details vague and telling everybody what they want to hear, he can possibly find 50 votes for different, hazy ideas of what the bill would do.

    If McConnell is forced to reassure Johnson that the Medicaid cuts are solid, then other Senators who oppose those cuts might jump ship. The longer the discussion goes on, though, the higher the risk that McConnell’s double game collapses.”

    Johnson was upset that the cuts to Medicaid would NOT happen. Jesus Christ, what is wrong with these people?

    http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2017/07/senators-realize-mcconnell-is-lying-to-them-about-trumpcare.html

    • Bub, Zombie in mourning

      McConnell, in many ways, is actually WORSE than Donnie.

      • Anna Rompage

        McConnell is certainly a more effective agent for the forces of evil, that’s for sure!

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        He’s definitely smarter, and craftier.

    • tehbaddr

      He is a duplicitous untrustworthy fucker.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        …and those are his GOOD qualities.

    • shivaskeeper

      There is nothing wrong with them besides being sociopathic assholes.

      As for McTurttle? Couldn’t happen to a better guy. He has been playing the Dems out of both sides of his mouth for years. Let his own side see what that’s like. Fuck him. Not literally, as I wouldn’t fuck him with a stolen dick.

      • BeachBum

        He will tell his masters he did every thing possible to get the tax cuts for them. They will let him live as they have no one better. For now.

        • shivaskeeper

          Tax cuts are what they really want. They will shelve this at some point, blame the Dems for obstructing with some added blame for Obama for making the ACA a part of too many people’s lives, and move on to “tax reform”

          I mentioned to GreenGold, I figure this will be shelved if they can’t get it by the Aug recess.

  • Left Coast Tom

    Last weekend…melting Sierra snow drift that sort of looks like an aircraft carrier (and, is about 2.5 to 3 feet high). Around 8K ft. elevation.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/34cd6f71dd2fe058c1417412af0229545983aafcc38ef54c17bdd1e59fe10ffd.jpg

    • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

      It’s an Imperial battle cruiser.

      • Anna Elizabeth, Invicta

        Yeah, like a Interdictor Star Destroyer.

      • wait! what?

        It’s Padme’s ship, covered in midi-chlorians.

    • Bemused Australian

      Looks like a giant mushroom. I am reading a book about sentient mushrooms, and this picture worries me.

  • AJ Milne

    Yay, open thread. Taking a sec to thank persons suggesting stuff to do in Columbus. Was helpful. No offense to anyone or nothin’, but it wasn’t exactly on my bucket list, so, y’know, had no idea…

    … among things done today, got to this Franklin Conservatory thing. Besides the plant like stuff you’d figure, they had all these wicked sharp glass sculpture things…

    … pretty sure this one is called ‘Things Not To Land On Whilst Skydiving’: https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c0ac02e88cb386ac42d9eae0a0b50a66bb158fccb3afa514471c94257b0803cd.jpg

    • LucindathePook

      I forgot to mention: Did you see the park which is a topiary depiction of Sunday Afternoon on Island of Grande Jatte?

      • AJ Milne

        Did not…

        (Adds to list.)

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      Looks like Chihuly glass. Very pretty!

  • Old town Urbandale

    If this is Made in America week at the White House, what are they going to do with the First Lady until the weekend?

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      With all of that plastic surgery, there are probably some Made in America bits she’s sporting.

      Me-ow. Bad Martini.

      • AJ Milne

        Hey, there’s nothing wrong with a dirty martini…

        (Gets coat.)

      • BloviateMe

        If you simply MUST be catty, please be sure I’m on the distribution list. I loves that stuff.

    • SnarkON

      Oh, SNAP!

    • wait! what?

      Send her slum-shopping; I hear D & G has a 30k and under rack.

    • Bub, Zombie in mourning

      I’m pretty sure her tits were made in the good ‘ol USA.

    • tehbaddr

      Put her back in her box, mabye do a reset.

  • Cogswell – in a mirror darkly
    • wait! what?

      I wonder; how many times is the group/leader alt-right?

    • CripesAmighty

      I would only amend item 3: …no matter how harsh or harmful or demonstrably stupid.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • Shanzgood

      Woohoo!

    • BeachBum

      Thank you ! Made my day ! And it is now beer-thirty !

    • GreenGoldSharpie

      And with that the McConnell recedes into it’s shell, defeated but not yet slain. It will recuperate and emerge once again to attempt to pass shitty legislation without including anyone but it’s fellow reptiles.

      • shivaskeeper

        If he can’t drum up the votes before the Aug break, I bet this gets shelved and they can get to work on “tax reform”.

      • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

        You’d think he’d be running low on horcruxes by now.

    • Bub, Zombie in mourning

      So…much…WINNING!

      • SnarkON

        #SIckOfWinning

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      TRUMPCARE GOES DOWN!

      TRUMPCARE GOES DOWN!

      • Joe Beese

        As God is my witness, he is broken in half!

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ypot3CYECwE

        • mancityRed6

          I wasn’t even into wrestling at the time, but Mankind’s autobiography is pretty bad ass.

      • Bub, Zombie in mourning

        Is it wrong that I’m imagining McConnell’s face on George Foreman’s body as Muhammad Ali beats him to the canvas in the eighth round at Zaire? With Howard Cosell making the call…Down goes Yertl! Down goes Yertl!

        • BeachBum

          The Rumble in the Jungle. Now there’s a blast from the past.

    • Yr. Gma

      Good.

    • mancityRed6

      Moran is a moron, I’ll wait to see if it actually comes up for a vote.

    • Left Coast Tom

      Let me guess…

      Moran: I’m sick of my rural constituents whining about my trying to close all their hospitals.

      Lee: Johnson (R-Wingnut) just told me Yertle’s promises to close all the rural hospitals were fake.

    • CripesAmighty
  • CripesAmighty

    God, who is this idiot from Kansas Ari’s interviewing? He’s a cross between Louie Gohmert and Gomer Pyle.

    • mancityRed6

      that could be anyone from Kansas. clarify

      • CripesAmighty

        Gone now. Looked like the dim scion (‘that’s Clem–he’s a little slow) of the local hardware baron who took a wrong turn on the way to Special Ed and wound up in the AP room trying to answer questions.

        • mancityRed6

          then it’s either Moran, Pat Robertson (not the evangelist), Kobach, Brownback, or the guy who said we should hunt illegals from helicopters.

          • Left Coast Tom

            Is all of this a result of Kansas’ long affinity with Prohibition?

          • mancityRed6

            probably.
            they tried to stop airplane drinks service in the state’s airspace.
            but I was born in Bourbon County.
            you can’t explain that.
            and I grew up in Nevada
            “Carry Nation lived in an insane asylum in Nevada, Missouri from August 1890 until her death on September 28, 1893”

          • Left Coast Tom

            “Nevada”, of course, means “snowy”. “Nevada, Missouri”, doesn’t compute. Though, it’s an interesting naming. Lots of place names migrated from east to west, for example Oregon has a “Detroit Lakes”, California has both a “Mt. Lincoln” and a “Mt. Jefferson Davis”. Interesting to see a western, Spanish, name migrated eastward.

          • mancityRed6

            Missouri has a New London. and Kansas has a Marais des Cygne and Le Cygne

          • yyyaz

            Pronounced nuh-VAY-duh, I’ll bet.

          • mancityRed6

            duh, just so we can fool the people who want to go to nuh-va-duh

      • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

        SHAN LIBELZ!!!!!!!!11!!!

        • mancityRed6

          um, I’m in Olathe, _literally_ the same state.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      WAIT: Gohmert and Gomer are two different people?!?

      • mancityRed6

        one of ’em is smarter than the other.

    • Left Coast Tom

      Gomer Pyle Libelz!!1! The Pyle character seemed to possess a reasonable level of decency.

      • CripesAmighty

        True dat. This one just had that bewildered/terrified look of one sensing impending failure/humiliation (aka flop sweat).

  • psychobroad

    Somebody please explain to me why the press don’t just turn their goddamn cameras on. Who made Sean Spicer the boss of them? It’s like them meekly going into press pens why the hell do they do that?

    • SnarkON

      Are they allowed to bring cameras in there? I would assume not.

      • mancityRed6

        cell phones?

        • SnarkON

          Honestly, maybe not. (I’m a journalist.)

  • Old town Urbandale

    If you’re looking for something to do this weekend, the corpse flower at the Des Moines Botanical Center is expected to open on Saturday. Let the jokes about Death Moines commence! http://www.desmoinesregister.com/story/news/local/2017/07/14/titan-arum-corpse-flower-des-moines-iowa/476427001/

    • SnarkON

      Ooh, is this the one that stinks like rotting flesh?

      • Old town Urbandale

        Yep. Although it might be hard to tell the difference between that and the usual East Side smell.

  • Jonny On Maui

    masturbate himself into a week-long coma

    Details on the process, man! I need the procedure!

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Ding dong trumpcare is dead
    Which old trumpcare?
    The dead one,

    • SnarkON

      Now they can introduce an even meaner Trumpcare!

    • As Wonketteers we must aver
      We’ve thoroughly examined ‘er.
      And it’s not only merely dead
      It’s really most sincerely dead.

  • SnarkON

    Question for teh men: How is it that you guys are literally able to fall asleep anywhere and not be embarrassed about it? Right now Mr. SnarkON is asleep with his mouth open on the couch. I would die before I’d let him see me like that, even after like 800 years of marriage.

    • mancityRed6

      an ex once woke me up on the train back from London because I had started snoring.
      otherwise, I’m asleep 5 minutes after my head hits the pillow.
      I’ve seen the first ten minutes or so to a lot of shows, but never the whole thing.

      • SnarkON

        Aren’t you embarrassed, though? Or is this a white male privilege thing?

        • hudson srinivasan

          lol no, two balls and a bat thing.

        • mancityRed6

          nope. just like I don’t care what happens after I’m dead.
          I was asleep, I was happy, screw those that weren’t

      • hudson srinivasan

        I’ve seen the first ten minutes or so to a lot of shows, but never the whole thing.

        lol. rofl. amen.

    • Left Coast Tom

      Not all teh men! I have a hard time getting any sleep on an airplane. This sucks when flying from SFO to New Zealand, or to Europe.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I NEVER sleep on a plane. I’m convinced that I need to remain vigilant, just in case the pilot needs me…for something.

    • hudson srinivasan

      very jealous that your mr. snark can still do that. it means he is still at peace with his soul. i wish i could sleep like that.

      • SnarkON

        Are you Sean Spicer?

        • hudson srinivasan

          his evil twin, actually. how did you know?

    • shivaskeeper

      Too tired. Don;t care.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      I used to be able to do that. There’s nothing better than a Sunday nap on the couch. But since I reached the 50’s, I’m stuck awake. If I eat after 3 o’clock I’m up all night. Do not like.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I spent most of yesterday snoozing on the couch. It was delightful.

        • Mr. Blobfish

          I tried, but was forced outdoors to do some gardening. Sad!

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            I lucked out because it was pouring rain.

    • It’s a quirk in my family. I can do it, and my brother and sister do it. Our dad could fall asleep parachuting, which he claimed happened to him in the Army.

      • hudson srinivasan

        rofl.

    • BloviateMe

      Embarrassed of sleeping? I’ve never worried about that at all.

      I’ve even woken myself up on the couch with a huge fart, and am still not embarrassed, just amused at the disgusted looks.

      Maybe I’m just gross.

      • mancityRed6

        I’ve woken myself up snoring, that is embarrassing.
        plus, I’ve been known to walk in my sleep, even until the age of 35

        • BloviateMe

          Well, sleepwalking is a whole other monster. I had a nasty burst of that when I was going thru a divorce. I’m glad I don’t do that anymore, it’s dangerous as hell.

          • mancityRed6

            at least that didn’t happen…wait, I was alone, so…who knows if it did?
            and the ex said I did a pretty fancy ninja somersault one time.

      • hudson srinivasan

        i dont snore or anything. i just fall asleep on weekends. weekdays i cannot catch a wink.

      • DrBigHead

        Nope, just a guy :)

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Mrs Pixelz took some pictures of me like that. Then showed me when I woke up. Didn’t work; not embarrassed.

    • jesterpunk

      When your tired your tired, and taking a nap is the only thing to do about that. Lack of embarrassment comes with getting older and being comfortable with someone.

      • DrBigHead

        One of my favorite lines from All in the Family. ” You don’t keep running once you have caught the bus”.

    • AJ Milne

      Can’t help you. Really can’t do that.

      Hell, I can’t sleep if there’s a butterfly causing a butterfly ruckus like six blocks away. Also, about those fucking blinding fireflies… Guys, all that butt blinking, it’s just _rude_.

      (… soooo… while this _does_ sound mortifying, and I’m fairly grateful it’s very unlikely anyone’s ever gonna get a picture of me doing that, I’m also a bit jealous.)

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      I don’t know about Mr. SnarkON but I usually fall asleep when I’m with people I love and trust. I know they will see to the world while I slumber. Plus, it’s fun to see the look of utter, complete confusion on my wife’s face when she shakes me awake. “You fell asleep while I was talking….again.”

      • SnarkON

        Honey? Is that you?

        • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

          Maybe. Are you from Texas? And did you once visit the Alam……*snore*….*snore*…..

    • I nap on the bus occasionally. Napping anywhere is an awesome skill

    • Jonny On Maui

      In the service I learned to sleep whenever I could and be totally awake and alert in seconds. It’s not a skill I enjoy.

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        30 years working in the IT data center, with late nights for implementation weekends and being on call, I can do the same thing.

      • shivaskeeper

        One of Murphy’s Laws:

        Never stand when you can sit, Never sit when you can lay down, Never be awake when you can sleep.

        Also you better be able to wake up firing on all 8 cylinders.

    • DrBigHead

      What I am experiencing now is the inevitable shifting of the biological clock — dozing in the chair by 8:30 PM. Stark raving awake at 3:30 AM.

    • yyyaz

      I fell asleep on my motorcycle once. But I was crossing Texass.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      My mother’s like that. She’ll snore like a lumberjack when I’m the only one around, but on a plane, you won’t hear a peep out of her. She’s very Southern.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      My dad is 80 next month and for the past few years, falls asleep in public. At the football game. At the basketball game. At dinner. We suspect behind the wheel last month.
      Is it time to take his keys? Nobody else in the family wants to talk about it.

      • Maggielle

        My auto insurance company offers refresher driving classes for olds, with the implication that it could lower your premiums. I don’t know too many details because I haven’t availed myself of the service yet, but if your dad’s insurance company offers it, it would at least start the conversation. This is a tough one because there’s no going back from it. Giving up driving is one of those really uncomfortable milestones.

        • Ω cynmac will never surrender

          My parents took one a their senior center. The court said that they would drop the charges if he could come back with his certificate. His excuse for the accident? “I didn’t see him”. Both cars are totaled and the other driver is suing for “pain and suffering”. It’s a mess.
          I’m disabled and gave up driving 3 years ago. I could give him pointers on getting around, but everyone is in denial. I just hope that next time, he doesn’t kill himself. He wasn’t wearing his seat belt and the airbag beat him up.

          • Maggielle

            Oh crap. That’s really hard. It seems clear that he needs to give up his keys. I wish the court had recognized that.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            I’m so sorry. That must be a tough call. And as an innocent bystander, yes, it’s time to take the keys. I’m sure he would be horrified to cause injury or death to another person.

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      Is there something to be embarrassed about by falling asleep? I mean, maybe I could be embarrassed by that, if I was also sleep-talking about jacking off to tribble porn or something. What? Why are you all looking at me like that??

      Unless it is in front of guests, involves loud snores, copious drooling, or it happens during sexxytimes.

      Otherwise, I can’t even comprehend the concept of sleep being a source of embarrassment.

  • Joe Beese

    This was a fairly crummy day but it ended OK!

  • Joe Beese
  • Picabo
  • Joe Beese

    I sneered at Twitter for years, but I have to say that there’s no faster news source on the planet. Even the NYT hasn’t covered the Lee/Moran defection yet.

    • mancityRed6

      http://i.imgur.com/EdTq5Ndr.jpg
      but I’m not gonna get my hopes up too soon.

      • Joe Beese

        Well, they don’t have to hold an opinion about what it means for the future of the bill. But unless Lee’s Twitter account was hacked, the announcement is definitely News.

        • mancityRed6

          it is, but it’s not in the books yet. I’ve been disappointed before.

      • Nounverb911
    • Ari (covering for Chris) ditched the final segment to talk about it.

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        I watched 4 of the gasbag news shows yesterday and I’m taking a break. That is all.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Sean Hannity is going to be a hoot and a half tonight.

    • Bemused Australian

      The Hannity show, where last week’s doublethink goes straight down the memory hole.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      My personal mental health care policy is to not watch Lyin’ Sean Hannity.

    • DrBigHead

      So, how do you think he will spin it so it is Obama’s fault?

      • Mr. Blobfish

        I will let you know.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      I’d prefer to just hear about him.

  • Joe Beese
    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      Hah! She’s leaning left from this perspective.

    • Wild Cat

      It also doubles as a Lou Gehrig bobblehead.

  • Changeling, nonbinary Duderino

    Mike Huckabee is in Finland?!? Eww, I actually feel worse just knowing he’s in the country. Hope he enjoys the secular social-democratic hellhole. I’m sure everyone he meets will think he’s crazy, they usually do with evangelicals.

    • NorthernSaber

      Hopefully somebody tells him that “voi vittu” means “Jesus loves you”…

      • Changeling, nonbinary Duderino

        Who’s this Jesus you’re talking about?

        • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

          I’m not sure, but I heard that he hates Ted Cruz.

          • Changeling, nonbinary Duderino

            Well that doesn’t narrow it down much.

          • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

            You’re right. I wan’t much help. All I know is the dude must get lost a lot because all kinds of oddballs keep finding him.

          • Changeling, nonbinary Duderino

            I guess that’s why he’s still not here even though I keep hearing he’s coming.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Did you change your name? It’s always so nice to see you here.

          • Changeling, nonbinary Duderino

            This was from one of the Wonkagendas – “Dudes, Dudettes and non-binary Duderinos” – I thought that must mean me.
            (I had to omit the hyphen to fit it into 30 characters though, which gave me a pedantic sad.)

        • BloviateMe

          Jesus Garcia, lives down the block. Honest contractor, and a helluva guy.

        • NorthernSaber

          Some carpenter from Judea whose first followers in Scandinavia were prized for their value as sacrifices and hostages. Tried to usurp Urko and Thor and company by stealing things like Julgraner, Valborgsmässoafton, and Mudsommar. Was not entirely successful…

          • Changeling, nonbinary Duderino

            This last Midsummer I was thinking that we haven’t had a Christian in the family in 5 generations but we still do magic on Midsummer. So not completely successful.

          • marxalot

            I’m the only avowed non-Catholic in my direct line, and we still do magic for Midsummer, All Hallows, and the Long Watch. I learned it from Comrade Mom, the animist Catholic.
            …look, I don’t know, they lived in California in the ’70s. That’s all I got.

          • NorthernSaber

            Sorry- what’s the Long Watch?

          • Changeling, nonbinary Duderino

            I googled and didn’t get any wiser.

          • NorthernSaber

            Winter solstice maybe? Vet inte…

          • marxalot

            First new moon after the winter solstice: the darkest night of the year. My brother’s big on Sol Invictus, but it ain’t over until the moon comes back.

          • NorthernSaber

            Thanks- had an idea that I bounced off Changeling, who’s a Finn afterall, that it was something to do with the Winter Solstice. Might have to do something on that night myself this year!

          • NorthernSaber

            That is the most inspiring thing I have heard in a long time. Nothing is quite so magical as Midsommar, and in my experience having a few Finns around just adds to it (and to the Richter scale hangover as well!)
            Kiitos hyvää!

  • Jonny On Maui

    Monday’s exploring is the best way to start the week. That and it’s all about the weather.

    So how do you want to enjoy the water? You may as well, you’re surrounded by it here. Sun or swim or snorkel or dive? It’s all weather driven. You don’t want to try to sun on a beach where the wind will turn the sand into a blasting experience. Trying to snorkel in choppy wind driven swell is no fun.

    The forecast for the Kihei side was great today and we explored 2 new beaches, Wailai and Polo, both just south of Kihei. We ended up snorkeling at Chang’s beach today, south of Po’olenalena. Great coral reef, excellent visibility and saw new fish that we haven’t seen before. Look up the Saddleback Butterfly fish.

    Tomorrow the weather and snorkel forecast says the far west side should be great, so we’re planning on going to Black Rock.

    Today Ms.MLG has been here six months. I couldn’t be happier.

    • Yay! Congrats to both of you. Happy and living in paradise….

    • BloviateMe

      Good for you! Both of you’s.

      I’m a bit jealous of the snorkeling, love the marine fishies very much.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      I’m so happy for both of you. You are good people who deserve good things. Im going to go make a wine run, so I can lift a glass in a westward direction.

    • Crank Tango

      Yeah my FIL has land on the Big Island, we keep going when the weather is making the ocean to choppy to snorkel. Oh well, same thing happens when I go to the Keys LOL.

      • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

        Don’t kick so hard.

        • Crank Tango

          LOL my legs aren’t THAT burly!

    • Bemused Australian

      I went snorkelling on Maui with my dad when I was a nipper. A sea turtle came and swam/played with us for a few minutes (it seemed much longer). I’ll never forget how elegant and agile it was. One of the best experiences of my life.

      • Jonny On Maui

        They’re quite beautiful and amazingly graceful in the water. The really big ones are something else.

        • Bemused Australian

          It seemed huge to me, but I was only 8. I was so used to thinking of them as animals that flopped around awkwardly on beaches that I was absolutely blown away by how it manuevered.

          • Ms.MLG on Maui

            That’s exactly how I feel about them. On land, it takes them forever to move a few feet. In water, they are different creatures. Amazing. We learned at the aquarium they win in fights against sharks, even large tiger sharks, about 80% of the time.

          • Bemused Australian

            No shit! That is a thing I would love to see, as I’m also very fond of sharks. Is it because the turtles can turn so quickly?

          • Ms.MLG on Maui

            They said the turtle uses these sharp ridges on the underside of it’s shell to cut the shark. Blew my mind!

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Back from the wine run. Lifting my glass towards you both. You make me very happy! Cheers!

      • Jonny On Maui

        Thank you WomanInThePersistence! Skoal!

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Trrumpcare 3.0 fails. But, as Trump himself tells Melony every chance he gets: Fourth time’s the charm!

    • Crank Tango

      They will get it done once the Dems stop oppressing them!

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Trump needed to put on his cowboy hat when he tried to drive the fire truck.

  • Royal Ugly Dude

    This just in: Moran got a brain.

  • Joe Beese
  • Changeling, nonbinary Duderino

    US pundits and newspeople need a crash course in Russian pronunciation. I never knew there were so many ways to say Veselnitskaya or Magnitsky. Although it’s kind of amusing.

    • wait! what?

      Saying Andrew Cunanan broke them forever.

      • Changeling, nonbinary Duderino

        Well, Preet Bharara sprained my brain, I shouldn’t be one to talk…

  • Ms.MLG on Maui

    Today is my 6 months anniversary on Maui. It seems like I’ve been here forever, and it seems like I’ve been here 2 weeks. It’s still hard to believe this is real, that I’m home, that this is my life, but it gets a bit more real with each day that passes. We have our next visitors from the mainland in 3 weeks, 2 dear friends of mine from Charlotte. When someone from “back home” comes to visit, it helps my sadness at being so far away from my friends and family. Showing the people I love around Maui is FUN, and making new memories with them here helps me to know I am still connected to them in all the ways that truly matter, even though we live 5,000 miles apart. My dogs are happy, my cat is happy. I have a nice tan, a good man, and a happy life filled with love and Aloha. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/bf39bf06e19f83b447b77533b7e5efd1a7ad24bb5c1366edac2d4cb6572ab728.jpg

    • Like i said below, congrats to both of you! Stupid happy people living in paradise…

    • BloviateMe

      It’d be nice if you two could list at least ONE unpleasant aspect of your lives, so I’m only jealous, instead of absurdly jealous.

      • Jonny On Maui

        It’s been 7 months and we still don’t have wifi at the house…

        • BloviateMe

          OMG how do you do it? HOW do you live in that hellscape???

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        I severely sunburned a sliver of my right butt cheek last week. Hurt like hell!!

        • BloviateMe

          Jesus, I’m amazed you troopered on past that. Brave soul, you!

          • Jonny On Maui

            I get to apply the lotion. 😁

          • BloviateMe

            LOL, rough life you have.

          • Ms.MLG on Maui

            It puts the lotion on my skin, or else it gets the hose again.

          • Ms.MLG on Maui

            Send thoughts and prayers!!

    • Jenny

      Yay! I am so glad you’re happy. You are worth it and deserve it!

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        Thank you so much! You are also worth and deserve good things.

    • jesterpunk

      FAKE NEWS!!!! Hawaii isnt a real place.

      But really that sounds awesome and the scenery looks really relaxing.

    • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

      Bitch!

      JK, you truly have a blessed life.

    • shivaskeeper

      Very good.

    • Left Coast Tom

      I’m planning a trip to Kauai and the tourist information keeps insisting I should “drive with aloha”. Does this mean I should snap pictures with one hand while steering the car with another?

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        Yes, while driving very slowly in the left lane. Always double park. Do these things, and you have truly captured the Aloha spirit of the road.

      • Jonny On Maui

        When making a turn, slow as you enter the turn, slow more midway through the turn, slow more as you exit the turn and come to a complete stop and celebrate as you complete the turn.

        As an ex California SF Bay Area driver, driving with Aloha means you don’t kill these folk…

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        Kauai is gorgeous, but it’s a place where no one goes fast and nothing happens fast.
        We were driving back from Hilo to Kona on the Big Island one night- pitch black and they didn’t light the roads, and there was a frickin cow just standing there, in the middle of the road- not crossing, just standing there. It was a black cow also. We missed it barely.

        • Rags

          You may have encountered a stay invisible cow from Mauna kea – t-shirts available at the observatory visitor center.

    • :snuggle: I am not jelly (I am super jelly!) but mostly I am too happy for you <3

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        Thanks, darlin’!

        • So long as there is a lanai with a hammock space just in case :D

          • Ms.MLG on Maui

            You know there is!

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      This is a beautiful photo. I’d frame it, but you could probably take one every day.

  • Joe Beese

    Not senile. Not senile. You’re senile.

    https://twitter.com/mkraju/status/887074794390335489

    • wait! what?

      More like:
      Not senile! Not senile! You’re.. biscuits!

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Miss Lindsey was reassured when McCain called to say “I can’t quit you.”

  • Ok. I love Rachel, and don’t usualy care how she looks, but she looks SUPER tired today

    • Maggielle

      She’s said that she always waits till the very last minute before sitting down for hair and make-up. I’ll bet this breaking news had her make-up people chasing her all over the studio just to get a few swipes in.

      • Probably. Wanna bet they’re gonna hold her down at the break?

      • marxalot

        “God dammit woman, stand still and take your foundationing! I will not having you going on with a full set of trans-Atlantic luggage under your eyes! Get back here!”

      • Are they going to try and take her sneakers so she can’t run away?

        • Maggielle

          They could try and sneak under her desk and tie her shoelaces together, but she’s pretty strong.

  • wait! what?

    Ivanka is planning her defense for when they try and server her:

    https://youtu.be/v1c2OfAzDTI

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Trump gonna stomp his tiny feet and shake his tiny hands. So mad, yo.

    • AJ Milne

      Me want video, leakers.

  • FlownΩver

    Snap analysis: CrapCare was a little too evil for Moran (mostly jeopardizing rural health care), but not nearly evil enough for Lee (because fuck him). Neither of them is now “the guy” who killed the bill, and the opposition remains equally balanced between the two opposing views.

    What’s the matter with Kansas? Not quite so much tonight.

    • shivaskeeper

      As for Lee, wrong reason, right outcome, For now anyway.

      • Panika MCD

        same with Rand Paul.

        • shivaskeeper

          Same with him.

        • Ω cynmac will never surrender

          Don’t get me started on Rand Paul. He was on one of the gasbag news shows yesterday saying that no public money should be spent on healthcare, that it all should be private. What an ass.

          • suziq

            I don’t think any taxes should go to pay his salary or benefits.

          • Bananas Foster

            Public money to private prisons.

            Private money to public health.

            Makes perfect sense.

      • marxalot

        The last betrayal is the final treason… (or we can hope, anyway)

    • Panika MCD

      Kobach is still the matter with Kansas!

  • Joe Beese

    NYT:

    With four solid votes against the bill, Republican leaders were faced with two options: Try to go back and rewrite the bill in a way that could secure 50 Republican votes, a seeming impossibility at this point, or do as Senator Mitch McConnell, the Republican leader, promised and team with Democrats to draft a narrower, bipartisan measure to fix the flaws in the Affordable Care Act that both parties acknowledge.

    https://www.nytimes.com/2017/07/17/us/politics/health-care-overhaul-collapses-as-two-republican-senators-defect.html

    • Trump won’t sign a compromise bill. This is going to be a shitshow of epic proportions

      • Joe Beese

        Heh, you got that right.

      • Panika MCD

        the only thing I can see preventing him from signing a compromise is Bansputin. he will put his name on ANYTHING.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω
    • Saxo the Grammarian

      Team with the Democrats?

      How do you think this will play with the base?

      This is not an open book quiz!

      • Left Coast Tom

        How do you think this will play with the base?

        At this point I think it’s important to remember that “al Qaeda” is Arabic for “the base”.

        • Le Chapeau

          Took that one on the volley, you did. Well played.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Any Senate bill crafted with Democratic support would die in the House immediately — the Freedom Caucus ideologues wouldn’t go for it, and Ryan would have to break that child molester Denny Hastert’s rule, which he won’t do, mostly because he now gets to blame the failure on McConnell.

      • They can ignore the freedom coocoos if the Dems are in on it.
        Though if I were a Dem, I would play nice up until the vote and then yank the rug.
        Just to watch Turtle cry

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      The Dem base is in no mood to have the Senate work on a compromise with Republicans. The compromise is single payer.
      Besides, trump is a backstabber and won’t hesitate, along with McConnel, to throw any Dems that get involved under the bus at the first opportunity.

      • Yep. Single payer option or gtfo. That is what they need to hand over now.
        Let us see some ultimatums, Dems. GO FOR IT. NOW IS THE TIME. CARPE HEATHCARE

  • Joe Beese
  • Everrett Fanuelli

    At the 11th hour Big Jim Slade comes through and says “Fuck You, Trumpcare!”

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xQ96dy93mP0

    • m3bosha

      Oh. My. Nerd. I love the Kentucky Fried Movie! And the capitol of Nebraska is Lincoln! Now, take him to Detroit.

      • Le Chapeau

        I saw that in theaters when it came out. Still one of my favorite guilty pleasures. You have our gratitude.

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        No…no…not Detroit!

    • John Thorstensen

      “This is not a chawade.
      This caws for totow concentwation.”

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    13 morans entered, 1 Moran left.

  • Nounverb911
  • Joe Beese
  • Panika MCD

    Callie got in the creek for the very first time today! she’s followed her friends down to the water’s edge on many occasions, but has never gone in with them AND she won’t let me put water on her unless there’s a hose–not even out of a water bottle or a little sprinkle on her tummy. you’d really think one of the benefits to her being a clothes horse would be that I could get her wet. now she can see that getting wet is quite enjoyable. will see if she’ll let me get her wet in the future, but at least she’ll now get in the creek with her friends at play group!

    • shivaskeeper

      I have a lab now. One a long line of successive labs. Labs are water dogs. They, including the one I have now, will gleefully run and swim in any body of water larger than a puddle any time they can.

      Bath time is torture though. That’s not the water they want.

      • Jenny

        Yeah I hate that. My dogs love rivers, puddles, pools. Bathtub? FUCK THIS SHIT!

        • Le Chapeau

          My brother’s lab would retrieve a telephone pole if you could get it into the water. As we had no access to phone poles, big fence rails and small trees had to do. She was indomitable.

      • Panika MCD

        Callie has figured out that being compliant in the bath is the fastest way to get it over with–not that she likes it.

    • Juan de Fuca

      I used to house sit a beautiful Keplie for a friend in Australia years ago. Every time I’d go for a late afternoon run down to the beach, I’d take him with me and when I went for a short swim in the ocean, he’d be right behind me, following me out and back to the beach. One day my friend/coworker told me, “You know Loki hates the water, right? I struggle just to give him a bath.” I said, “Well, he sure does seem to like the ocean.”

      I used to turn around early during my swim because I could never get him stay close to the beach. That dog would’ve followed me to Indonesia if it came down to it.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      We we were hiking down to a City lake in Anchorage an saw a yellow lab thunder past us covered in slimy wet mud. Dog had been in and out of the lake a bunch of times and was going to need a hose down at a car wash after his “swim.”

      • Panika MCD

        at least he didn’t go into Cook Inlet.

        • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

          The Fire Dept has to rescue stranded tourists every year that get caught in the mud flats when the tide is out. They do it by hosing them down with a fire hose until the mud is liquified enough to where they can get out. Nothing about it is pleasant.

          • Panika MCD

            better than it used to be. my Mom once saw one of them drown because by the time they got their she was really stuck in there and the tide had already started to come in. if they had tried to pull her out she would have been split in half.

          • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

            Hence the fire hose.

          • Panika MCD

            does that work when the tide is already over your waist?

          • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

            The idea is to get there before that happens. its a real problem when things get that far. Here’s an interesting article on mudflats rescue if your interested. One of my offspring lives very near this area so they’re familiar with the dangers
            https://www.adn.com/alaska-news/article/accidents-heighten-rescue-teams-awareness-tides-deadly-force/2013/06/24/

          • Panika MCD

            yeah, I didn’t know if at the time they weren’t doing the fire hose thing or if it was because it took them too long to get to her. probably both. her husband also watched her drown.

  • Joe Beese

    A RedState-r:

    Imagine how the suckers who voted for [Trump and Ryan] feel, finding out they refuse to back a repeal.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Let me translate: Imagine how the suckers who voted for face eating leopards to eat their faces feel now that some leopards are on the fence about eating their faces.

    • lolz.
      Now a red stater is gonna pretend he is all not down with all this bs

  • Nounverb911
  • Jenny

    My son, fed up with the boyfriend’s daughters requested to spend the week with his dad. This was a first because he never wants to go to his dads.

    I ended up snapping at these girls after a weekend of constant complaints. I feel bad about that. And they immediately called their mother to cry about how I hate them.

    I think I am going to leave this to the boyfriend. I shall just endure the looks from everyone else for not controlling “my kids.”

    • Panika MCD

      you should bring the girls down to Callie’s play group sometime. it wears the dogs out enough that they’re not a pain in the ass at home–it’s worth it to see if turning the kids out with the dogs has the same effect.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      When I had my stepdaughters I tried to do a lot of research on making it work. They were weekend kids, so it was easier, and they were sweet girls- two takeaways from reading and counseling
      1. Let the biological parent do the discipline whenever possible. If they won’t, that’s an issue that needs to be resolved
      2. Don’t try too hard- go for polite and respectful treatment like any adult should get, not love or approval. If the bio parent won’t insist on respect- again, another issue.

      • Jenny

        That is my goal. But during the weekend one child in a tantrum threw food at a food service worker, with just me around. I apologized and we left the line and waited for their dad. But it had no real effect.

        There’s always some sort of negotiation and meltdown. Then tantrums to call their mom to tell her about being disciplined, and their mother feeds it. “No, daddy and his girlfriend are mean. You girls are perfect.

        I would like to cut off the phone calls but boyfriend is paralyzed by the idea. I say set times of the day, not when these girls demand.
        I’m hoping he starts standing up cuz these girls manipulate my daughter into siding with them and against my son and I. I’m ready to put my foot up my girl’s butt for it!

        • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

          So sorry you are dealing with this. Blended families are always difficult, especially when some of the parents aren’t interested in everyone’s mutual benefit.
          I’m thinking there will come a time in a few years when bio mom will regret having encouraged her daughters to be so manipulative. It’s likely going to backfire on her big time.

  • Joe Beese
    • Nounverb911

      1. Don’t get sick.
      2. If you do, die quickly.

    • TJ Barke

      8 years. They had 8 fucking years.

      • Lefty Wright

        Replace was never part of the plan. They knew 8 years ago they would not be able to improve health insurance beyond what the ACA offered without raising taxes to expand coverage or go single payer, neither of which would ever get a yes vote from a Republican. A public option or Medicare buy in at a self supporting premium (with standard ACA subsidies) would not increase government costs but would expand government involvement and share of health coverage, another GOP no no.

      • BeachBum

        Yes and no. IMO most of it was about Medicaid. Passed in 1964, conservatives have had 53 years to create a plan, conservative, free market, whatever, to replace it. They don’t have anything because it cannot be done without going to a single payer or Medicare type insurance. What they have been doing for 8 years is lying out their asses.

  • Juan de Fuca

    I caught some of today’s WH press briefing (audio only) today on CNN and thought the whole thing is representative of the most childish President of my lifetime. It’s nothing more than a temper tantrum, like a 9 year old who locks himself in the bedroom yet keeps screaming behind the door.

    “Open the door so we can talk about this.” “I don’t wanna talk to you!” “You are talking to us but you’re doing it behind a door.” “It’s my door!”

  • Panika MCD

    Cary Cary on the other hand is on timeout because he tried really hard to steal one of my tacos. I should start making him wear an outfit when he does shit like that.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Typical of Trumpcare is that the only health-related accomplishment it will ever have is being stillborn twice. Congratulations, Republicans!

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    What’s the line Donnie Two Scoops decides to tweet that if he can’t get the bill he’ll just burn down the ACA by refusing to make the stabilization payments.

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    With TrümpDeathCare™ now DOA, where do you think they hid Donnie Dumbass’ phone?

    • Bub, Zombie in mourning

      I just hope he needs the services of a proctologist to retrieve it.

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        I don’t think that’s it. It would never fit in there along with his head.

    • Panika MCD

      he left it in the trucky!

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      In his Bible?

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      In the bushes with Spicer?

    • shivaskeeper

      He has to have a burner by now for just such a situation.

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        Maybe they installed Faraday shielding in the residence at the White House?

      • Panika MCD

        he’d have to remember where he hid it.

        • shivaskeeper

          I would think in one of his belly folds. Easy to find and close to hand, even for tiny hands.

          • Changeling, nonbinary Duderino

            Bonus: he might accidentally find his John Thomas Barron.

          • Panika MCD

            but then he might accidentally get it spray tanned!

          • shivaskeeper

            Additional camouflage for when they look for it.

    • Me not sure

      If anyone was betting between the Senate healthcare bill and John McCain on which one would rise from the operating table and mindlessly shamble around D.C. creating havoc and you had McCain, you’re tonight’s winner!

      • YAY!!!!!
        What do I get?

        • Me not sure

          You get to deliver the Healthcare eulogy.

          • I am good at Eulogies. Had to do my mom’s. Had the place in stitches :D
            Totally killed that day.

            Can I work in a line about how for someone so against Abortion, Turtle sure aborts bills fast?

          • WomanInThePersistence

            *hugs* wow, I’m so sorry.

          • Oh no, it was cathartic for me and really, I knew her best after dad, and he beat her by a year ^.^
            I legit had them laughing in the chruch. Most fun I had in church in eons. Told some stories. Then I made em all cry because I am mean.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Nonsense. You are not mean. I’m going to get all serious here. Because wine, and I like you a lot. You are a lovely person. Who dealt with a very painful situation with charm and grace. Hold that, and own it. Of course, I know nothing about your relationship with your mom. I suspect it was complicated. And you loved her. And would have made her proud.

          • godsaidHA

            Good for you! my mother died last year–I had plenty of stories, but no way could I have told them without sobbing. My brother in law collected everyone’s stories and did the eulogy for us, bless ‘im.

          • Me not sure

            A theme emerges!

  • Jeffocaster in the West

    BACK IN THE WEST!!!!! In the desert where it is 72 and beautifully comfortable…..

    • Aw you know you are going to miss the 90% humidity and the clouds of mosquitoes following anything that dare breathe.

      • Jeffocaster in the West

        the mosquitoes were brutal. And their bites itched for days…..

    • Shanzgood

      We’re at 89F and 45% humidity here in Kansas and it feels positively balmy compared to when baconzgood was here last week.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Here in Virginia, if you ever need a snack, you just get a butter knife out and cut yourself a slab of that hot, jiggly air — make sure you pick all the cicadas out of it before you bite into it though.

    • Panika MCD

      we have a front coming through. nice, but the thunder is freaking Callie out.

  • Bub, Zombie in mourning

    The greasy little son of a bitch came right out and admitted to the meeting…and they STILL don’t believe it!

    http://www.lawyersgunsmoneyblog.com/2017/07/fake-news-can-use#disqus_thread

    • shivaskeeper

      They believe it. They don’t care.

      It was about adoptions. Even if it wasn’t about adoptions but about colluding with a hostile foriegn power, nothing came out of the meeting. Besides any politician would have jumped at the chance, so it’s all good. There was only one Russian and a translator, or maybe two, or three, or four, but he still didn’t get the dirt they were going to give, so not illegal at all The Secret Service was at fault as well.

  • Vecchioivan

    Trumpsters to Trump: Keep yer gumint hands offn my Obamacare!

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    Rarely does so much sadness bring me such joy… https://pbs.twimg.com/media/C23nCllVQAAS4-u.jpg
    …this is one of those times.

  • Anna Rompage

    Yay, the tomatoes are tomatoing!

    There’s are the San Mariano’s, not very good for fresh eating, but they make an amazing Tom sauce!

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/9183be4c7b638bb77f03f9055fbc1236dc2df6ae0a2e195e1a6923f814e21548.jpg

    • Vecchioivan

      Molotov!

    • Bemused Australian

      Looks so good. Am jealous.

    • Those are peppers.

      • Anna Rompage

        I assure you they are really tomatoes….

  • shivaskeeper

    Question. As I was pulling into the driveway, the news was talking about Two Scoops supposedly meeting, maybe a late dinner, with 6-8 of the wavering GOPers to try to sell the bill to them. With the AZ contingent balking due to ideological differences of too mean/not mean enough, does this mean the dinner is off?

    • Joe Beese

      No ice cream for any of them.

      • Me not sure

        Do they import the ice cream from China too?

      • Panika MCD

        CHOCOLATE CAKE LIBELZ! what else will he launch missiles over?

      • shivaskeeper

        See, I would have my customary two scoops, but make sure they only got 1/4 scoop. Just enough ice cream to make them know what they were missing out on while still being able to say they got ice cream.

    • Panika MCD

      no. he has loyalty oaths to be denied and congressional investigations he has to try to make go away!

    • SayItWithWookies

      Oh I hope not — I want to hear an account from an aide about the shouting behind closed doors.

      • shivaskeeper

        There was no mention of which 6 or 8. So I don’t even know if these two were in it or not.

        • SayItWithWookies

          It’s Trump — he will blame everyone else in the room, I guarantee.

        • I am gonna guess the 6 or 8 who have been wafflin on him.

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    The Fuckstump Juniors – guess what?

    It’s going to be the name of my new barber shop quartet.

  • AngryNotSoOldHippy .

    The shitting Republican traitor is behind, the fucking Republican assholes were trying the “adoption” lie 4 fucking lies ago.

    • OrG

      To be fair,it IS hard to keep up.

  • Joe Beese
  • Résistance Land Shark Ω
  • BadKitty904

    USA! USA!! USA!1!

    https://www.gunsticles.com/

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Sad. So sad.

      • BadKitty904

        I’m…It’s just…I can’t.

    • BloviateMe

      That’s…that’s….

      Ugh.

    • shivaskeeper

      That is apparently real. The jokes about the guns being penis substitutes seem to have backfired. Soon, in my smallish rural town I will see a truck with truck nuts with a rifle in the window with nuts also, too.

      I got nothing.

      • BadKitty904

        Après cela, le déluge.

        • shivaskeeper

          It’s just wrong that in a thread this American I had to look up foriegn words. Disappointing really. :)

          • You need to watch some Auntie Mame.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Hell to the yes! I’ve kinda binged on that recently.

          • Love me some Auntie :D I turn to her at least once a month.
            For reasons.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            In my mind, I look like Rosalind Russell.

          • shivaskeeper

            Foreign words Jen. Foreign. In a thread that screamed ‘Murica from the mountains. Foreign words. They looked suspiciously French too.

          • BadKitty904

            I couldn’t think of an American phrase that summed up quite the same sentiment. “That’s messed up” just doesn’t cut it.

          • shivaskeeper

            I couldn’t even say Bad Kitty, cause you would have thought I was calling your name.

            As for a phrase that sums this up? “You have got to be fucking kidding me.”

          • BadKitty904

            I think I may go with, “Dude. Seriously? What the fuck?

          • shivaskeeper

            Also acceptable

      • The flag nuts is my favorite. Show how patriotic you are by turning your flag into genitalia!!!!

  • Shanzgood

    Ok food people: can I freeze or otherwise store fresh dill sprigs for future use? I bought some for my Monstrous Greek Quesadillas recipe and it’s way more than I need. It smells SO good and I hate to waste it.

    • Don’t know on dill, as my usual response to it is “kill it with fire!” But i know you can freeze and/or dry nearly all fresh herbs

      • BadKitty904

        If it’s dill, I suggest rubbing it behind each ear. Dill DOES smell so *good*.

        • Nope. No. Non. Nyet. Nay.

          • …whut???????

          • I hate the smell and flavour of dill. Only food smell i hate more is olives

          • Bemused Australian

            You hate olives? Lizard person!

          • Yup. Hardcore hate olives

          • With you on the olives, but when we finally begin the Great Wonkette Migration Tour and Invasion of Maui with Side Stops to Not Stalk Prime Ministers, we may have to come to a compromise about dill.

        • AJ Milne

          The sort of people that might attract…

          (…looks thoughtful…)

          … okay, probably my kinda people.

          • BadKitty904

            See?

      • Shanzgood

        It smells gooood, though!

    • Me not sure

      I never read “The Art of the Dill”, so I can’t say.

      • BosGrl

        Ketchup, will you?

      • Joe Beese

        OK, we’re done here.

      • Bemused Australian

        Cucumbering late to the party?

        • Me not sure

          Puns are my bread and butter.

      • Shanzgood

        Go sit in the corner!

        • Me not sure

          Yes’m. G’nite.

      • Doug Langley

        Boy, did that put you in a pickle.

    • BosGrl

      You can chop it and freeze it in ice cubes, then put them in a plastic bag.

      • Shanzgood

        In actual water? Sorry if that sounds dumb.

        • BosGrl

          Sorry, just saw this. Yes, that’s how I do it. I have a bag of strawberries in there now – just popped on in each section, covered them with water, froze, and put in a zipper bag. My daughter likes to put them in her drinks :). For herbs, I usually put as much as I can fit in the section and then cover with water.

    • Bemused Australian

      Dried dill is good. Hanging it is better than freezing it.

    • Amy!

      You can freeze it alone (squeeze out all the air from the bags) if you’re gonna use it pretty soon. I did this when I had dill plants that went crazy. It worked well enough (the only challenge was that the frozen dill is hard to separate, so if you can put it up in multiple one-dose bags somehow, that might be worth the extra annoyance).

      • Shanzgood

        I have lots of freezer bags so that could work. Should I leave it as sprigs or chop it?

        • Amy!

          Do you have an idea how much you’re likely to use at a time? If you can freeze it in those amounts separately, you won’t have the mess of trying to break off frozen bits in portion sizes. Note that freezing will reduce its potency slightly, so add perhaps 10% to your planned portion sizes, for best effect.

          I mostly used mine for making pickles, and it was easy enough (after the first time, when I learned that I needed it to be put up as ‘doses’) to put up some for quart size, some for pint size.

  • Wild Cat

    Why? No reason. It’s because our fragmented mosaic cultures used to inspire both facination and regret, but not always insanity:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IL-lfujTb1s

    • Joe Beese

      It was Christmas season 1987, some friends and I were coming out of a Manhattan showing of Broadcast News, and there, for no apparent reason, standing on the sidewalk were the members of Big Audio Dynamite.

      It would have been a moment to adopt a Joe Strummer accent and shout “You’re my guitar hero!”. But such things aren’t done in New York City.

    • Bemused Australian

      We lost Joe Strummer too soon =(

  • BloviateMe

    Our beagle is just like this. I’m starting to think all beagles are simply too fond of food.

    https://www.facebook.com/uniladmag/videos/2852776568078717/

    • Thiazin Red

      Of course it does, look at its little gut.

    • Beagles are known as sooner hounds fer a reason
      Sooner eat, then sleep

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      My dog was asleep and I said “hungry? eat?” and she was right up.

  • Thiazin Red

    So I’m binge watching reruns of Chopped and I saw the most horrible thing possible. Why does ranch dressing soda exist? WTF humanity?